#they do funny and clever things too. they’re also skilled and fun to watch

[fastidious-and-a-mess]

hey guys. btw. cause it seems like some people (especially in the game changer tag) are maybe forgetting. um. brennan isn’t actually the main character of dropout. or game changer. there are other people on the shows too, actually.

[edit: this is the least complete version of this post, please look in the notes for actual discussion lmao]

[xiaoshengnu]

𝕾𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝕾𝖓𝖔𝖜 𝕾𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖉𝖊 - final review

overview : EPISODE NO. - 38 episodes GENRE - wuxia 

Xu Fengnian is the first born son of the fearsome warlord Xu Xiao, the Duke of Beiliang- and probably the biggest hunk of scum in the whole empire. despite his father being a great martial artist and warlord, Xu Fengnian can’t wield a sword to save his life, he’s shameless, he's lazy, he’s an all-round playboy- he’s a good for nothing. 

or so everyone believes. 

l⃣e⃣ t⃣’ s⃣    b⃣e⃣g⃣i⃣n⃣

I love this drama so much- despite handling pretty serious situations that are matter of life and death, it’s so so so funny and chaotic. Sword Snow Stride is a drama which follows Xu Fengnian’s growth from a reluctant though highly intelligent heir of the duchy Beiliang to it’s capable, cunning and yes, shameless, future ruler. The writing of the show is so clever, and plot twists and political mechanisms are incredibly entertaining to watch. 

o⃣u⃣t⃣     o⃣ f⃣     t⃣ e⃣ n⃣

𝖕𝖑𝖔𝖙 - 9/10

𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 - 10/10

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘 - 7/10

𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 - 7/10

𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕖 - 8.25

o⃣u⃣t⃣    o⃣ f⃣    f⃣ i⃣v⃣ e⃣

𝖍𝖎𝖉𝖉𝖊𝖓 𝖌𝖊𝖒 𝖛𝖆𝖑𝖚𝖊 - 💎💎💎

[ I don’t think the drama went out of it’s way to be unique, although the plot is incredibly incredibly good and one whole pretty solid. the humour was incredible though, so a three gems ]

𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖆𝖙𝖈𝖍 𝖛𝖆𝖑𝖚𝖊 - ✨✨✨✨

[ the chaotic energy and humour is top tier what can I say ]

‘keep reading’ for detailed review

I don't think I have ever laughed so much watching a drama before- this drama, despite everything, is a comedy show. Every moment in this drama can feature in a fan made “on crack” video without fail. 

jkjk 

and I am exaggerating- just a little. It’s wuxia and also a ‘no-class-boundaries!’ kind of drama which I think is pretty snazzy of the scriptwriter. Xu Fengnian and the Beiliang’s ideology disregards snobs, rejects higher power and social norms- which is very cool of them and I support that dude.

Like, it has everything- plot? You got it. Really cool characters? You got it. Humour? You got it. An actual message? You got that too.

𝖕𝖑𝖔𝖙 - 9

From the very beginning this show opened with a bang- the way it introduced everything was super super cool and engaging and so funny too. 

I felt really sad that I couldn’t give this show a full 10/10 on plot ( tbh no one can ever give any drama’s plot a perfect score) bcs there were some points where the plot fell through. Especially towards the last few episodes where Fengnian was saved one too many times and done so many favours in the name of his mother it began to feel a little- just no.

Nevertheless the rest of the logic was all in one piece, all the politics and all the scheming and the logic-ing of the characters was SO CLEVER. It was so so so fun to watch- it was fantastic. I can’t express how much I dig the way the things were revealed in this show. It had you thinking the whole time and I personally felt I learnt quite a bit from the show and Fengnian- as a person.

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘 - 7

GUYS. EVERYONE IN THIS DRAMA-

AMAZING, SHOWSTOPPING, SPECTACULAR, NEVER THE SAME- 

Just. Incredible. They were all so fleshed out with such a strong sense of personality and identity. I love them all- that's all I can ever say or I will be here for ages.

AND THE WOMEN IN THIS DRAMA- LIKE- OMG-

they're so coooool.

I do have one complaint though, and it is that while drama has so many wonderful warrior women, most are not given any real power of their own. Their skills and their abilities ultimately serve to further Xu Fengnian’s progress and story. If not Xu Fengnian, then it’s Xu Xiao. Yes I know it’s a male lead story, yes I know we’re in ancient China, but perhaps we could have some acknowledgment that women’s contribution is often disregarded, or maybe a fun morally grey woman who just also wants to fight society and change her life?

And especially Jiang Ni (who is great btw), who really just exists to be Xu Fengnian’s love interest despite her very important background and I just think it's really sad. 

But besides this, the characters here-

Chefs kiss.

𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 - 10

All the actors were fantastic. I don’t think there was anyone who really overdid their character or anything- they were all so good. The cast’s energy throughout the drama was simple and naturalistic. My absolute favourite has to be the actor who played Xu Fengnian’s dad Xu Xiao- he was so good and so hilarious.

I really loved Zhang Rouyun (Xu Fengnian) acting as well, I really liked his performance at the start. He doesn’t place beauty and grace at the forefront of his acting and didn’t care if he looked less than perfect which I appreciate a lot after the slew of perfect beauty you get in xianxia dramas. Though he does have his ‘I’m super cool and majestic’ moments where he does try to think about how he looks on camera, the vibe I got from him was very authentic.

𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 - 7

I LOVE THE PRODUCTION. I love the filter, I love the music- which is so... idk how to describe it. It perfectly encapsulates the vibe of snowy mountains, bamboo and swords and wind- The whole vibe is so calm and natural, it really makes you face the power and vastness of nature, the small, no-music fengshui montages that are scattered throughout the drama are so calming as well. 

But. The fight scenes... are very choppy. They’re not especially smooth- with an exception of Nangong Pushe, of course. Lots of them are literally people just standing there and raising their hands and spitting blood, like, T-T why. You are a wuxia drama; kindly use those weapons T-T. But oh well. At least they look cool when they stand there and raise their hands. 

And can we talk about Xu Fengnian’s lil’ catfish stands? WHAT WERE THE COSTUME DESIGNERS THINKING?

.

.

.

.

.

and now its time for..... drumrolllll

✨ 𝖋𝖆𝖛𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘 ✨

okay. okay. this drama is a nightmare for picking your 3 favourite characters THERE’S TOO MANY COOL PEOPLE- IT PHYSICALLY PAINS ME TO-

li chungang [ if anything happens to this old man next season, I'm starting a riot. ]

the whole xu family [ yes. all of them. xu xiao, xu fengnian, xu longxiang, xu zhihu, xu weixiong their family dynamic is hilarious and all of them are amazing people- and yes I am cheating ]

nangong pushe [ yes empty character, but she’s really cool- let me fangirl in peace ]

ⓦⓗⓔⓡⓔ ⓣⓞ ⓦⓐⓣⓒⓗ

YouTube : free, eng subbed

Rakuten Viki : free, eng subbed

WeTV : free, eng subbed + more

E⃣   X⃣   T⃣   R⃣   A⃣ sourced from mdl

Adapted from web novel "The Snowy Path of the Heroic Blade" (雪中悍刀行) by Feng Huo Xi Zhu Hou (烽火戏诸侯)

𝖘𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖓𝖜𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊𝖗 - Wang Juan ( writer of Duoluo Continent)

𝖉𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖔𝖗 - Song Xiaofei 

[ibijau]

Counterfeit AU pt6 / On AO3

Meng Yao makes himself useful after losing his job, and discovers something unexpected

Names are funny things, Meng Yao thinks as he stares at the sheet of paper in his hand. 

Funny things indeed.

-

After everything that went down in the Hanshi, it's Beastie that saves Meng Yao from himself.

Left to his own devices, he would have either wallowed in misery, or waste time proving to himself that everything that happened wasn't his fault, the way he knows he's done in other lives. But when he comes home after having his past lives thrown into his face and losing a job he loves, Beastie’s mother corners him just as he puts his key into his lock. Her daughter is on school holiday, she explains, and was supposed to be looked after by a friend with children of a similar age. But one of the children came down with something contagious, so the whole plan fell through, and the poor woman now desperately needs help finding someone to look after her daughter.

She’s not asking for Meng Yao to play the babysitter, but he knows so many people, he has so many connections, maybe he could pull a favour somewhere, help her out again.

“I can take care of her for a few days,” Meng Yao offers without thinking. “I’m jobless as of today.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry! What happened?”

“My employer died,” Meng Yao replies, which is close enough to the truth. He doesn’t think Nie Huaisang will continue using his Shanzi alias after this, and they’ll never meet again. He might as well be dead. “I don’t plan on looking for a new job right away, so I can babysit for a while, it’s no big deal.”

She tries to insist that he doesn’t need to be doing that, but quickly agrees after some reassurance that Meng Yao doesn’t mind. She looks so relieved she could cry as she says she’ll drop Beastie in the morning. Meng Yao smiles, certain that his mother would be proud of him for doing what’s right.

Having Beastie around is definitely the best choice he could have made. She’s a good kid, but she’s also high energy and needs to be entertained, which means he doesn’t get to think too much about how much he misses Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen. 

They watch movies together, as they’ve always done when he picked her up after school. They go for walks to a nearby park, and once to a museum to look at old armours and swords. He buys Beastie a fake sword, though they agree to keep it at his place, since her mother already despairs that she so strongly favours boy’s toys. In fact, Meng Yao ends up just spoiling that little girl, the way he would have loved someone to do for him when he was her age. He even has Nie Huaisang’s console repaired so she can play on it, instead of selling it as he’d intended.

The video games are a big hit with her. She’s particularly in love with the same game Nie Huaisang spent too many hours on, that weird little terraforming thing which Meng Yao can’t see the appeal of. He liked that it made Nie Huaisang happy. He likes that it also makes Beastie happy, and that she’s very careful not to ruin the work previously put into it, focused instead on maintaining it and planting flowers

“It looks like home,” she explains when Meng Yao asks about that, and lifts the console for him to see.

It doesn’t look like a homely place, he thinks, and more like a military fortress right out of a wuxia drama. But Meng Yao doesn’t get to make that remark, because his phone vibrates, demanding his attention. Beastie, sitting crossed legs on some cushion on the floor, goes back to watering virtual flowers, while Meng Yao checks some news from his bank account. A lump sum has been sent to him, a good deal more than his usual salary, coming from an account registered under a name he doesn’t recognise.

It has been a week since he was fired.

Nie Huaisang kept his promise.

It really is over.

Not that Meng Yao really doubted it. Nie Huaisang has many faults but indecision has never been one, though he’s always been good at pretending otherwise. Once his choice is made he toys with expectations but rarely ever changes his mind.

Rarely, of course, isn’t never. Meng Yao, foolishly, hoped to be one of those few exceptions. 

Those new zeroes on his bank account feel like a divorce, and he never even got a honeymoon. 

That night, Meng Yao allows himself a few hours to wallow in misery, after Beastie went back to her mother. He is only human, and it does feel good to eat take-away in front of a cheesy romance. The film's hero doesn't get the girl, who was dead all along. Meng Yao cries, even though he's seen that movie before. 

By morning, he's in control again, and takes Beastie to the park so she can run around in the sun, and scare pigeons with her sword.

Those holidays are all great fun, until Beastie’s mother reminds them that she has homework to do.

Beastie is a clever kid, there’s no doubt about it, but she doesn’t much like doing her homework, least of all when she feels she could be playing. It takes all of Meng Yao’s negotiation skills to get her to even look at her school books, and he almost resorts to bribery to make her pick up a pencil. But she works hard once she starts, and Meng Yao, wanting to encourage her, sits with her at the kitchen table to update his resume. Beastie will go back to class soon, and inactivity just isn’t in his temper.

When Beastie is done with her work, she gets permission to put on whatever movie she likes while Meng Yao checks what she’s done in case it needs correcting.

But when he picks up the sheet of simple maths she’s expected to give her teacher on monday, all Meng Yao sees is her name.

It’s really funny. He knows her name of course, though he hasn’t heard it in a while. Even her mother took up to calling her Beastie after he nicknamed her that. It just fits her so well, that active little girl who prefers trousers over dresses because they're easier to move in and always wants to play at fighting. She’s a real little monster, and Meng Yao loves her like that. She’s just Beastie.

But according to the homework she’s spent the afternoon on, she’s also Nie Mingjue.

It could just be a coincidence. Names are funny like that, they pop up in unexpected places, they get forgotten and reused. Perhaps in another life, Meng Yao would have just dismissed it as a random incident.

In another life, he wouldn’t have been called Meng Yao.

It’s the first time this happens since that first life they all shared. He’s Meng Yao again, Lan Xichen bears his old name too, and now he’s found a Nie Mingjue, hiding right under his nose. A Nie Mingjue who likes fighting, and claims that her toy sword is actually a sabre, and who always insists a lot on things being fair, even when Meng Yao tries to give her the biggest share of a food she likes.

It can’t be a coincidence.

Meng Yao needs to tell someone.

He needs to tell Nie Huaisang.

He tries, of course, and without surprise his former employer’s number has been terminated. He has the same luck trying to send an email. Nie Huaisang might as well never have existed. Meng Yao feels helpless, torn between tears and laughter. After spending centuries looking for his brother, Nie Huaisang just might have lost his chance due to being so damn dramatic. Serves him right, Meng Yao thinks, still bitter about being discarded so easily, and never getting a chance to see if things might work better in this life.

Bitterness doesn’t last. Meng Yao cares about Nie Huaisang, more than he should if he were a little smarter, and he knows how important finding his brother again would be for him. And if Nie Huaisang can’t be directly contacted, there’s always indirect ways.

It’s not that Meng Yao misses Lan Xichen, he tells himself that night, when Beastie is back with his mother and he starts writing a long text message on his phone. Well, it’s not just that, anyway. He does miss Lan Xichen, sweet and funny and so eager when talking about art. But more importantly, Lan Xichen probably has access to Lan Wangji, who clearly must know how to contact Nie Huaisang. 

Texting Lan Xichen is a strategic choice. 

The way Meng Yao's heart jumps inside his chest when Lan Xichen immediately replies is… it's strategic too. He's just glad that his plan is working. 

How have you been? :)

I could have been worse. I've just realised something and I think it concerns you. I've told you about that kid I babysit, haven't I? 

Little Beastie? Is she okay? D:

She's Nie Mingjue. 

This time, the answer isn't immediate. Meng Yao stares nervously at his phone, wondering if Lan Xichen thinks he's lying, or planning something. Considering their first life, who could blame him? 

But after a few minutes, his phone vibrates again. 

Sorry, I dropped my phone and couldn't get it back from under the couch. Are you sure?? (⊙ˍ⊙)

It all fits. You could come meet her if you want. But it's him, I'm sure. 

Did you tell Nie Huaisang???

I can't contact him. Are you in touch with Lan Wangji? Maybe he can warn him. 

I have his number, I just texted him! I'll keep you updated! It's so wonderful if it's da-ge!! Can I really meet him? ╰(*°▽°*)╯

Her*?

I'll send you my address. If you can come tomorrow, she'll be there.

Are you sure? I don't think da-ge would still want me around. (≧﹏ ≦)

Meng Yao gives that question the consideration it deserves. It's not an unfair worry to have, and he'd be wondering the same if he hadn't known Beastie for so long. 

I literally killed him, and he killed me. If she had to hate anyone it'd be me, but we get along great. We're no longer the same people we used to be. It's the same for her. 

If you're sure, then I'll come! (❁´w`❁)

-

Meng Yao is very sure indeed. 

So Lan Xichen comes. 

It's odd to invite someone to his flat. It's a small place, a bit messy, full of trinkets and DVDs that Meng Yao would never admit to owning, not with the image he wants to create. He's always avoided guests. But having Lan Xichen over is as rewarding as it is terrifying. Lan Xichen brought some charming little cakes, as if he's visiting someone important, and he smiles at the sight of a movie poster on the wall, confessing he watched it so often as a teenager that the tape broke one day. 

"It's my favourite too!" Beastie exclaims. "Meng-ge has it, you know! Can we watch it now?" 

Normally, Meng Yao would point out that it's a little rude to ask that when they have a guest. But he can see that Lan Xichen is nervous and unsure how to act around Nie Mingjue, and maybe a movie will let them all relax. 

In the end, they spend a pleasant afternoon, the three of them. Once Lan Xichen stops worrying that the Nie Mingjue of old will appear and shout at him for getting him killed, he starts chatting with Beastie about her favourite movies, what she's learning in school, what she wants to be when she grows up. She's very happy to answer, and very impressed when he explains he's a teacher, even though she's finding it hard to accept that most of his students are fully adult.

And when Beastie is back with her mother, Lan Xichen lingers for a while, tempted by the offer of Meng Yao's favourite takeaway.

“It’s amazing how much like him she is,” Lan Xichen says as they sit on the sofa to wait for the food to arrive. “It’s the first time he reincarnates, you know. At least, Wangji told me they’d never found any trace of him before.”

Guilt shoots through Meng Yao. It’s his fault if Nie Mingjue’s soul was so fractured it took him this long to be reborn. Or at least, it’s the fault of someone he was, once, which is nearly the same, and yet completely different. Meng Yao has learned from living and dying several times, and he’s lucky enough to live in a kinder world than Jin Guangyao did. It helps.

“She’s also different from him, though,” Lan Xichen continues, moving just a little closer, until they’re almost touching.

“We’ll, for starters she’s a kid,” Meng Yao points out, wondering if he should take the other man’s hand. If this had happened before the Hanshi, he would have, but he’s not sure where they stand now.

“It’s not just that. In that first life, I knew da-ge as a child too and he was…” Lan Xichen sighs and makes a vague hand gesture. “He was a lot. Way too serious sometimes. We all were, I suppose, but him most of all. The Nie tended to grow fast, to compensate for dying young. I’m… I’m glad that he gets to properly be a child this time. That she gets to be a child.”

“The world has changed,” Meng Yao says, finding the courage at last to brush his fingers against Lan Xichen’s. “Things aren’t always easy but they’re… easier, I suppose.”

Lan Xichen’s returns that touch, gentle and careful as always. This, too, is easier now than it was back then. It’s not easy, but there’s less pressure to conform, less demands to be good dutiful sons, and just a little more space to be their own people, to make their own choices.

Maybe in their next life they’ll meet again and it’ll be even easier to be like this. But even now, Meng Yao is ready to take the chances that his past self wouldn’t have dared to dream of. He leans toward Lan Xichen, hoping to kiss him, but a knock on the door interrupts them and he jumps to his feet to go get their food. The delivery man looks at him a little funny, but makes no comment. If Meng Yao is half as red as Lan Xichen, he deserves those odd looks.

Nothing happens again that night. The moment has passed, and after eating, Lan Xichen has to go home because he has engagements the day after that he can’t cancel.

It's not a date that night, no more than any of their previous encounters were. 

It's not a date then, but next time, when Lan Xichen invites him to a restaurant, Meng Yao is informed in no unclear terms that this is, in fact, a date. They go see a movie after, and Meng Yao gets to kiss one of the two most handsome men in the world.

Life is good. 

Life is really good, and yet Meng Yao wants more. 

In spite of their efforts, Lan Xichen and him can't get in touch with Nie Huaisang to inform him that his brother has finally reincarnated. Even Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are getting worried. From what they told Lan Xichen they haven't had any contact with him since the day they picked him up at the Hanshi. 

"They say he's done that before," Lan Xichen tells him. "They think he'll return in a decade or two, maybe a little longer. Time is hard for immortals, they lose track easily." 

That's all very well for them, but Meng Yao doesn't have a few decades to waste, and neither does Nie Mingjue. They're not immortals. One bad illness, a reckless driver, just tripping in the stairs, and it's all over until they reincarnate again, and Meng Yao is done with missed chances. 

If he can't directly get in touch with Nie Huaisang, Meng Yao can make a few discreet calls to former buyers, and advise them to get their purchase asserted again, just in case. He makes sure to only contact people who bought legitimate artworks of course. He wants to make a wave, not get in trouble. If Meng Yao knows Nie Huaisang even half as well as he thinks he does, then even in hiding Nie Huaisang will be checking what’s happening in the world of art collectors, and he’ll hear about some of his buyers suddenly becoming fearful of fakes.

It’s a little mean perhaps, when Nie Huaisang is so proud of his counterfeits, but kindness has never been Meng Yao’s greatest quality.

Besides, it works.

One afternoon, when Meng Yao is alone at home, checking a job offer that he’s probably going to reject because he deserves better, there’s a knock on the door. Meng Yao considers ignoring it, but some of his elderly neighbours have been coming to ask for help with their phones or whatever new fancy blender their kids got them to make life easier. Usually, five minutes of easy work means free homemade food for his next meal, which is always a great deal.

When he opens the door, there’s a very old man waiting in the corridor alright, but free food is probably out of the question.

“Well, I’m here,” Nie Huaisang says. “Whatever is going on, it’d better be important.”

[courtney-deserved-better]

my opinion on td finalists

spoiler alert, im not a fan of most

TDI: Owen & Gwen

uh I personally don’t like either of these guys for finalists. gwen did do a lot but there were so many times where she just acted so apathetic I was like why?? are you still here?? and as for owen... I didnt like him as a character for a Long Time and he's growing on me but he just doesnt seem like finale material

I think a duncan versus leshawna finale would've been super fun to watch. especially if they teamed up to take down heather in the semifinal. those two had such a fun dynamic, especially in the triathlon episode, that I think taking it to the finale would've been fantastic. also leshawna deserved to win that season and you cannot change my mind

TDA: Duncan & Beth

duncan, while not my first choice, I can see making it through to the finale this season. but beth?? no. im sorry but shes just too much of a side character and is canonically fake nice and annoys everyone else so it doesn’t really make sense

an interesting finale would’ve been duncan versus courtney considering how volatile their relationship was this season. however, bc courtney was kinda awful to duncan, I dont think she deserves to win this season. it would be cool if there was one ending where their votes tied and they made up and decided to split the money but that just feels too tame, both for a finale and for their dynamic

harold versus duncan could be interesting, but because duncan tends to bully harold, I dont think his win would be fair in this situation. I think lindsay versus harold would be the best, as this season is about lindsay learning to take charge and come up with strategies, and while he can be off-putting and occasionally condescending, I think harold has a lot of useful skills that could really flourish in the finale

TDWT: Heather & Alejandro

while I dont ship them at all, I truly dont think there could've been a more satisfying final two. we’ve had their rivalry build up from day one, they have a ton of good songs together, it really completes heather’s arc of antagonist to antihero to protagonist. heather winning is the best ending in my mind, but I like  alejandro winning too. the only problem I have with his ending is that it only happened because heather threw in the wrong dummy-- I think it would’ve been more clever for him to have switched them or something like that

ive been thinking about some other final twos that I think would be interesting, though unable to top the canon one imo. gwen versus courtney would be really cool because of the friends turned enemies thing-- I think it would be interesting for courtney to be put in danger and gwen has a choice of saving her or going for the money and she save courtney before apologizing again (maybe dumping duncan) and the two make up and split the money. 

though I don’t really enjoy either as characters mostly due to their writing, cody and sierra would be an interesting final two. maybe cody finally stands up to sierra, or sierra struggles with wanting to be the winner of total drama or helping the boy she likes win. it definitely wouldn't be as good as the canon two but there would be a lot of clashing dynamics at play that'd be fun to explore

TDROTI: Lightning & Cameron

admittedly, I don’t remember too much from this season, but it really felt like these two kind of coasted by. I never found lightning to be a particularly compelling character and thought it weird how he suddenly went from dumb jock to evil jock in the last episode or two. cameron really felt like he was just carried through the season, similarly to beth, though I dont have as much as an issue with him winning. I dont think it was a bad finale, per se, I just think if those were the final two they should've been written better from the start

seeing as how jo really played the game and went all in, I think she would’ve been a great finalist. it would’ve been interesting to see her versus (commando?) zoey though im not the biggest zoey fan. I think a jo versus lightning finale could actually work (or brick) though if there was a jo versus cameron finale, I couldn't see him logically winning bc jo would just destroy him

TDAS: Mike & Zoey

*BIG FUCKING INHALE* no. just no. im probably not gonna say anything that’s not already been said so ill keep it short. bland, mal writing bad, have someone who's been in the game for 3 previous seasons instead of  1 make it to the ALL STARS FINALE. jfc.

you know what would’ve been an interesting finale? gwen versus courtney. they both said they wanted to reach the final two with the other one, so maybe they do! maybe they start to struggle with their friendship because of courtney’s competitive streak! maybe one of their helpers is duncan and that causes strife between them! maybe they become enemies again and don’t make up until the finale! maybe they decide to split the money! idk! it would've had a hell of a  lot more flavor than what we got

TDPI: Shawn & Sky

I don’t really have an issue with either of these characters making it to the finale. they’re compelling, worked hard, and have distinct goals. I would’ve liked to see jasmine in the finale but I'd be cool replacing either one with her: jasmine and shawn having to compete against one another would be an interesting relationship hurdle and sky versus jasmine would've been cool because they’re both very athletic and it would’ve been the first f vs f total drama finale (we've had m vs f and m vs m but no all-girl finales...)

TDRR: Surfer Dudes & Police Cadets

Again, I don’t really have an issue with this finale. I really like how Sanders and MacArthur both work hard in their own ways and have to learn how to work together (MacArthur breaking Sanders’ arm and realizing that she can negatively affect her partner and also that Sanders is super tough was a GREAT arc). I know there’s been some contention about the Surfer Dudes being eliminated and then coming back so late in the game, but it made sense to me. They chose to lose because they felt that they owed it to Devin and Carrie, and that choice paid off when Devin and Carrie called in a replacement team. I doubt the surfers expected that to happen, they were just trying to be fair, but that kindness was rewarded in a big way which I think was sweet, especially  considering how much of a hot mess this show can be. 

I gotta say, this does kinda remind me of the TDI finale, with the villain (heather/ice dancers) getting eliminated third, and their rival (gwen/police cadets) making it to the finale with the fun guy (owen/surfer dudes). The reason I like the Surfer Dudes as finalists more than Owen is that I felt they put in more effort during challenges and had more of an arc (with Josee’s mind games ending up bonding them as a team after strife, choosing to be eliminated for the sake of fairness, etc). 

Speaking of Owen, it’s kind of ironic that if I had to replace a team in the finale, I would replace the surfer dudes with the reality tv pros. they’re my favorite team and I think it wouldve been great for them to really live up to their name. I think it also would've been funny for the ice dancers to be so focused on their rivalry with the cadets that the pros just completely go under their radar until its the final three and the ice dancers are like “oh crap they’re PROS why haven't we been trying to destroy them??”

I also wouldn't mind replacing the surfer dudes with the sisters. I know emma gets a lot of hate (mostly because of nemma which I only like platonically) but I actually like her as a character (when she wasn’t being obsessive) and I think she and kitty were a great team that had a good arc of learning to work together. I also think it would be really interesting because for the final three they would all have rivalries with one another: the police cadets and the ice dancers (obvious) the ice dancers and the sisters (josee messed with them in at least 2 challenges) and the sister and the police cadets (kitty and macarthur’s game/road rage was hilarious)

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 5x08-- And the détente had an end...

I did not like this episode! I had many problems with it! More under the cut...

A purple line is painted on a curb and then we’re watching footage of Wackner’s show. Question: do they only wear the costumes when it’s a low profile case? It was very noticeable they didn’t have them on in the cancel culture episode, and they don’t have them on in the Julius scenes in this episode...

Also, can I pretend that the horse and cat wearing tiara are meant to be BoJack and Princess Carolyn?  

Del is remote-watching a focus group about Wackner’s show when Liz walks in. He refers to Wackner as “your guy” and Liz replies, “Must not be going well if you’re calling him my guy.” Sounds like “why is she my stripper when she does something bad?”

The focus group is in Vegas “where the real Americans live.” The clips from Wackner’s show being tested seem to be only the most ridiculous ones. Unsurprisingly, the focus group hates the show.

And here is my first question: Why are they testing a version of Wackner’s show that seems to be exclusively silliness? I know, you know, the writers know, and Del knows that that’s not funny.

Wackner Rules is not a good title.  

I love Liz being amused by the focus group going poorly.

Why don’t people like Wackner Rules? Well, the cases are stupid—fights over barking dogs, shoes that don’t fit. They’d rather see burglary or robbery. This is silly, because while I’m sure most of Wackner’s cases are silly, we've seen a fair number of cases with a little more substance (or at least zaniness that makes them less mundane), including the one with the high profile comedian that was filmed explicitly to be part of this reality show. So is Wackner Rules, despite its cases financed by David Cord, just the most boring shit possible? And if so, why? Again, everyone involved here knows better than that.

Also is this just Del’s pet project? Is that why he is producing it, testing it, and approving it?

Liz rolls her eyes at the “wisdom of the crowd” on display. Then she shuts the laptop without realizing what she’s doing and jokes around about it.

If I were Del and my partner had just disparaged my work and then shut down my laptop while I was working, I would be furious. However, this is a bad episode of a television show and I love Liz so I am amused.  

Del goes to fill Wackner in on how the focus group went. Wackner does not care about the opinions of twelve people. (This is funny, given that he has decided he is the most important person when it comes to making decisions and also that juries have twelve people too.)

No, dear god, no, please do not make me sit through tiny office jokes again. Have we transported back in time to season seven of TGW? I hated the door slamming against Eli’s desk then and I hate the sudden addition of this “joke” to Wackner’s chambers now.  

The calendar says February 2021. Is it supposed to be February?  

Apparently, the focus group likes the court, the costumes, and, mostly, Marissa. Just not the cases.  

Marissa’s all, “well what do they want, a murder case?” and Del gives her a look like, “Can you???”

Again, the cases weren’t so silly they were boring in any other episodes and we know that Del/Wackner/Cord were meeting to discuss the best test cases for TV. So, like, how did people waste their time and energy making this obviously awful episode of TV for the focus group? No one involved is that clueless and it makes me dislike this plot.

AND RIGHT AFTER LAST EPISODE WHERE THE CASE ESCALATED TO THE POINT OF PRISON? I think that’s maybe my biggest complaint about this plot, and this episode as a whole. The last episode gave the this season a lot of momentum. Prison! Stakes are raised! Will Marissa say anything!? How much power is too much power for Wackner?! And then we get this episode, and it’s like, jk, forget about all that, now Wackner’s cases are drying up and everyone involved has zero critical thinking skills and we’re going to forget the prison thing ever happened!  

“His court needs this show. Look at Trump. He wasn’t shit until The Apprentice,” Del tells Marissa after Wackner exits. Marissa does not react to the Trump reference, which may be the low point of this episode. Does Marissa Gold want to build the next Trump!? Is Marissa Gold not concerned that someone has just suggested that the goal of her show is to make someone in to Trump!? Hello?! This is not a reference you drop casually! I would be concerned about partnering with Del if I heard this! Marissa would be too! So why isn’t she?!  

Also, this line + the “real Americans” as the target audience for Wackner’s show + the USA! Chanting at the end make me think the point here is somehow supposed to be about Trump and, like, cults of personality? I don’t really see it but I’ll reserve judgement until I see where Wackner’s arc ends up.

Julius heads to Wackner’s court to meet with Cord. He pitches them on his new firm. How is Julius going to start a new firm already? Wasn’t RL the only place that would take him? And pitching Cord on a firm with the 20% of staff that was laid off is a stupid idea, too. As Cord says, hiring the people laid off means hiring the “B-Team.” I dunno if that is actually true, but I know that Cord and anyone else who knows those were the people who were laid off will see it that way. Why is this in Julius’s business pitch? Like, is Cord wondering where Julius would get employees from? Is that a question?  

Reddick & Lockhart, Julius says, is no longer eligible for no-bid government contracts. I want to know why: is this because RL is actually STR Laurie, or is this because Diane is white? If the latter, then you’d think we’d hear a little more about it...

Why is Cord calling the Copy Coop somewhere near the courthouse in a business district in Chicago “the middle of nowhere”?  

Anyway, Cord passes on the new firm because it is not innovative and it does not disrupt anything.

Then Julius pitches the firm but with known-innovator Diane Lockhart and her client list. Cord is kind of interested. Cord cares that much about Diane? Alright.  

Julius, after involving Diane, calls her to tell her what he’s done. When he gets back to his car, he is being given a ticket for parking in a purple zone. A purple zone is, apparently, court staff parking for Wackner’s court.  

Julius rips up the ticket, then gets another ticket for destroying the ticket, and another ticket for destroying that ticket.

Wackner asks Marissa to find out how he can get out of the reality show. Marissa refuses and says she’s going to find out how they’re portraying Wackner, since the show benefits him. This is because he has “fewer cases this week than the week before, and fewer than the week before that. This court goes away unless more people know you’re here.” What? Where did that come from? I’m so confused. Last week Wackner had infinite money and a prison and was dealing with cases with settlements in the millions and famous comedians. Now his audience is dwindling and I’m supposed to care about this plotline? Thanks, but I cared about the plot you already sold me on, writers!  

Hey, wasn’t there a thread at some point in this season about David Lee bugging Liz’s office? Odds we ever hear about that again?  

Diane does not like Julius’s new firm idea. “David Lee is insisting that I stay,” Diane says, as though David Lee actually has that kind of power over her.  

Julius points out that all the other partners are threatening to resign unless Diane is replaced, and “at a certain point, it won’t matter what David Lee says.” Diane says she’ll think about it.

Julius tries to talk to Cord again and finds that his car has been towed. This scene is too long, and watching Julius get confused by shifting, fake rules feels a little too much like the first Memo 618 episode. This episode only has a 40-minute run-time and we spend a lot of it on building up this plot. I don't really get why. Sure, it’s fun to watch people act incredulous, but we already know Wackner’s court is trying to put some muscle behind its authority (violence to encourage compliance, literal prison) so I don’t know why we need to spend so much time on what feels like a lower key bizarro version of a theme we are already aware of.

Just, like, do a boring ass case of the week episode if you don’t have ideas. Don’t regress the plotting and kill the momentum.

SPEAKING of killing momentum, remember how Carmen got a stellar introduction, a few episodes of development, and then pretty much disappeared for several consecutive episodes?  

Then there’s another one of these scenes where Julius tries to get his car and more and more people enforce Wackner’s fake ticket.  

I do not like “Wackner’s City of Chicago” being on the seal. I think he'd have something more clever than that on the seal.

David Lee calls Cord in to pitch him on bringing over all of his business. This scene confuses me, because you’d think Cord would be a big get for giant corporation STR Laurie. But no, David Lee wants Cord to bring his West Coast, East Coast, and Europe business to boutique firm Reddick Lockhart. Or, at least, that’s what Cord’s hesitance suggests to me.

Cord tells David Lee that Diane is leaving and that he won’t go to a firm that is breaking apart. David Lee denies it.

THIS sounds like the Hitting the Fan score.  

David Lee insists that Liz and Diane drop what they’re doing and come up to his office. They do.  

David asks Diane if she’s leaving. She says she was asked to join another firm, and that she was told that the equity partners are planning to resign unless she resigns, so she’s considering it.

“No one is threatening to resign without my permission,” David responds. Those must be some contracts if he is this powerful...

David warns Diane about poaching clients and she’s all, they’re free to leave if they want (ah, so they’re free to leave when you’re leaving but they’re your clients and can be stolen when YOU’RE losing them, I see). Liz is irritated by all of this and pre-accuses Diane of stealing clients after what she’s already done to keep her position. Fair.  

David asks Diane what her issues are. “I’m a name partner being squeezed out of the decision making process,” she says. “And why is that, Diane?” Liz asks. “Because of my race!” Diane insists. “Because no one respects your decision to stay in your position. It is not yours by right,” Liz says.

“I’ve fought as hard as anyone here to keep this firm solvent. And I didn’t inherit this firm. I was invited in, and I earned...” OOOH FINALLY WE ARE GOING TO ADDRESS THAT LIZ HAD NO EXPERIENCE RUNNING A FIRM BEFORE THIS ONE FELL INTO HER LAP. Shame it’s a throwaway line.  

STRL’s presence both adds and removes tension here. I wish they pushed this a little further. Sometimes David Lee seems to be functioning as an outside mediator; sometimes he has more power. What’s the point of all of these dilemmas and battles if at the end of the day, STRL owns and controls everything? How much can RL really mean to them? There’s even an RL in their name that doesn't stand for Reddick/Lockhart. I just don’t understand what it means to be a name partner in a black firm when that firm is actually controlled by some giant company. The way I see it, Diane should want out of RL because she’s past retirement age and being controlled by David Lee and that can’t be fun, and Madeline et al should want out because the mandate to focus on profit over social justice is not mostly coming from Diane or even Adrian’s legacy... it’s coming from the giant power and profit hungry corporation that owns you!  

David has Diane and Liz stand on opposite sides of his desk. “Are you gonna spank us?” Liz says. I love funny Liz. Funny Liz is my favorite. But you know what I wish we also got more of? Liz’s thought process in general.

David’s point with this is that David is going to “come live and work with” Diane and Liz if they don’t figure it out themselves. I know they can’t easily get out from under STRL but Adrian did it so there’s surely a way to resign... this feels so demoralizing... I can’t believe Diane just takes this.  

As they walk downstairs, Liz says, “If you’re going to leave, there’s nothing to talk about. “Liz, I don’t want to leave this firm. And you don’t want me to leave. So why don’t we hire a partner to replace Boseman?”

(1) I like that they’re acknowledging that Liz and Diane clearly want to work together and like working together and are having this fight mostly because they have to have this fight, not because they actually want to. Pretty much nothing Liz has done suggests she actually wants Diane to step down and pretty much nothing Diane has done suggests she actually wants to switch firms. So good, that’s text instead of subtext now.

(2) Weren’t they going to hire a partner to replace Boseman in the first place? Why didn’t that just... happen then and avoid all this?  

Liz says she’ll think about it, but we all know that this is what she and Diane both want. This is where they should’ve been weeks ago.  

OMG okay I knew they had talked about it before! In 5x02 Diane suggests this strategy from the start! Why does it go away!? It’s clearly the right strategy and doing it that early could’ve prevented a lot of conflict and tension. At this point, it feels almost too little, too late. What’s it going to do other than smooth things over with Diane and Liz?  

They really are keeping the cameras rolling for Julius’s dumb parking ticket thing? Guarantee this does not make Wackner look good. As trivial as parking spaces seem, this feels like the sort of issue that would really piss off a lot of people. Maybe that would make good TV, but you want people to like and trust Wackner to keep people coming back to a reality show...  

Julius, being Julius, refuses to apologize to Wackner and make the whole issue go away. I think why this rubs me—and so many others; I have seen nothing but negativity about this episode among friends and on the internet—the wrong way is that this feels like power for the sake of power. It is trivial, self-important (“Wackner’s City of Chicago”), disconnected from anything resembling reality. That’s not to say anything else about Wackner has been realistic, but the writers have been walking a very fine line between surreal, allegorical storytelling and straining credulity. This feels so mundane and unneeded that I actually have an easier time accepting that Wackner has created his own prison system than I do accepting that he’s tried to reserve parking spaces for his staff. At least with a prison, I see the larger-than-life point the writers are trying to make.

The parking attendant tells Wackner she wants to add more reserved spaces up the street and Wackner is like, oh, good! I don’t understand! Who is this lady that just wants to enforce Wackner’s rules? Does she want more spaces because it’s kind of a powertrip to give people tickets? Why do they need more reserved staff parking when cases are dwindling? Who is Wackner’s staff? Why do they need more parking?

And like, it’s one thing when Wackner’s antics affect people who are part of his little bubble, since they all have agreed to be there. How can he just reserve street parking? Wouldn’t this get shut down in a day? Julius would NOT be the only one furious.  

Then Julius decides to steal Wackner’s book of seals so he can make it look like his ticket is paid.  

So if they have footage from the cancel culture episode of Wackner Rules, why wouldn’t they have used it? We see it here, in the editing room, so why are the cases so boring again? (I’m sorry, I know I've said this like 1000 times, but it’s bothering me so much that this episode isn’t even internally consistent.)

(This whole plot is a time-filling detour tbh. I have no problem believing Wackner Rules could be an interesting TV show seeing as how I am watching it as part of an interesting TV show, so I don’t get why we need to spend all this time on how this obviously bad first draft of the show is bad and that it can be improved by fixing a non-existent problem? Also, there are zero stakes because Del owns the show and is also the one deciding whether or not to air the show.)  

(Like, there could be a version of this where the focus group really helps us get into where Wackner’s stuff does and doesn’t translate and the changes he’s asked to make and how the fact it’s television changes the court, blah blah blah. Instead, the premise seems to be that the show is capturing what Wackner’s court was like in the days before Marissa or Cord or Del became involved, which makes no sense and is also boring!)

They’re mentioning Marissa being in the IDF again. This comes up because the re-edit of Wackner Rules is all about Marissa. This is kind of fun and meta! Marissa would definitely be a favorite on a reality show!  

It turns out this re-edit is mostly about how the editor has a huge crush on Marissa.  

I know that these tv writers know the process for tv writing and production better than I possibly could. I still do not believe that this reality show has one producer (Del) and an editor who is making executive decisions about the content of the show, and that this is for some reason happening in a mobile trailer parked outside of the court. Surely there would be meetings about what direction to take, not just a vague instruction to “make it better”?  

In case I needed more evidence that the writers did not bring their A-game for this episode, we get Diane talking to RBG, again, because apparently now there are no other ways to clue us in on what Diane’s thinking. This is just lazy.

The RBG thing worked for me in 5x06 because it felt like a novel way for Diane to get to talk out loud, and that episode that wouldn’t have worked if we didn’t have a way to see what Diane was thinking. Here, it feels like the writers are doing it because they did it before and it worked and it’s thematically connected and it’s easy.  

Doesn’t this entire scene just radiate laziness????  

I know not every episode can be great but just don’t try to do something interesting and innovative if you’re going to half ass it.  

I’m not even bothered by the thought that Diane daydreams about conversations with RBG. I buy that. I just don’t need this conversation (which feels way too much like it’s supposed to be an actual conversation for my taste).

OMG please stop talking about how RBG and Scalia were friends, I beg you, if you’re going to do this device again can you at least have a different conversation.  

So much exposition. Diane knows someone named Allegra through EMILY’s List and thinks she’ll be a perfect choice for the third partner. Diane did hear she had a meltdown, though.  

Julius gets arrested for stealing Wackner’s sticker book. When he starts shouting about how it’s a fake court, the officer is like, “As real as Officer McFinely’s death?” calling back to the last episode. I do find it interesting the police would be willing to overlook Wackner’s complete disregard for the law because of a grudge involving the law firm, and I like that choice.  

Allegra is basically a slightly more toned-down version of Elsbeth. She has a messy, rented office, and trails off mid-thought. Since she’s kind of a familiar character type, I’m not overly impressed by her, but she’ll be fine to add some little bits of humor to the office drama, I think. My hope is that they use her in small doses, because I have a low tolerance for quirk.

Allegra’s office has tons of books. I can’t see what most of them are, but she has a copy of The Nix, and I liked that book! It’s the only fiction title I can spot; the rest seems like political commentary or pop sociology/business stuff.  

Diane mentioning her RBG hallucinations to Allegra is probably a very smart way to win over Allegra.  

Marissa encourages the editor, whose crush is so obvious it’s uncomfortable, to put Wackner’s outburst in the show. The one about how Del is using the show to rehabilitate the comedian!? Why would Del air that?! How does this help anything?! If the goal is to get Wackner’s court more cases, why would this make anyone choose to take their case there?

The police bring Julius to Wackner’s court, which I have a slight bit of trouble believing (not that any of this is believable, but you know what I mean—I don’t feel like it’s logical given everything else I know about this premise) but I'll roll with.

Now there’s some ridiculous, awful fake lawyer who was “devil’s advocate” with devil horns in the last episode and David Cord is prosecuting Julius and... what the actual fuck is going on in this scene? This Devil’s Advocate man would not have lasted a second in what we’ve seen of Wackner’s court before this point—he is an obvious liar and showman who Wackner would have no patience for. And if Cord has a bone to pick with Julius, this is an odd way of showing it, because it feels like Cord is there as a familiar face and not for a story reason.  

Like, does Cord actively HATE Julius? Is... that supposed to be the point of this?

Seriously though, Devil’s Advocate would get like two sentences into his story about how Julius grew up poor before Wackner would make him stop, and if he got farther than that, Julius interrupting to ask “What are you talking about?” would’ve prompted Wackner to hold up that “cut the shit” card.  

This humor is so fucking lazy. In the worst moments of this show, they take gags that have previously been successful and run with them until you can’t believe you ever found them endearing. That’s this scene.

Also it just occurred to me when I referenced the “Cut the Shit” card that we’ve seen Wackner be able to get audience responses to his cases. Seems to me like you pretty much already have your focus group results, no? You do more of the things that make the live audience excited and fewer of the things that make them get up and leave. The things that the live audience plays along with and reacts to are the catch phrases you’re going to put on merchandise. I’m not a TV producer and this is very obvious to me.  

Instead of telling this lying lawyer to stop, Wackner instead asks the court musician to play “This is Us like music.” Make it stop. I don’t know who finds this funny but it’s not me!

Can you IMAGINE the fake reality show airing any of this? I dislike it and I know all of the players and context.

There is a shot of Del looking excited to see what’s going to happen. I’m sorry, but if Del’s instincts are this bad I just do not believe he runs a streaming service. Maybe his main role is to do the business stuff, not the content stuff? (But if so, why’s he always hanging around Wackner’s court?)

This episode is full of extremely essential scenes, like Marissa and the editor having sex as they watch footage of Marissa. Good for Marissa, I guess? This could’ve really easily just been implied. And if you really want to give Marissa more material, give her an arc, not a hookup where the focus of the sex scene is the editor dude. Or, like, just let her react to the whole prison revelation from the last episode. WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT HOW WACKNER IS SENDING PEOPLE TO PRISON?

Liz and Allegra meet. Allegra makes it sound like it is about her book but then she’s extremely (and intentionally, I think) obvious that she’s there to be the third partner and that Diane scouted her.  

What is the point of Allegra asking if Liz has a view of Willis Tower and misidentifying the building? Presumably Allegra lives in Chicago, so you’d think she’d know its most recognizable building by sight (and would probably also call it the Sears Tower).  

Liz likes Allegra.  

Now there are a ton of cops in court and Del is loving the drama. Sure, it’s dramatic, but is this really want you want to air? Some convoluted thing where a bunch of police officers intimidate a lawyer who works at a firm that was unfairly linked to a cop killing because that lawyer refused to pay a parking ticket issued by a fake court? Who... who is this for?! What’s the angle? Who is amused by this?  

Marissa sees Julius is the defendant and jumps into action. She asks Wackner why he’s prosecuting Julius and he says it’s his job. She argues that Julius is from their firm and this is bullshit. Wackner still won’t let him go.

If Julius is from the firm and Wackner employs the firm, is Julius NOT covered under the court employee banner? Why do I even care.

Wackner acts like he’s just not bending the rules, just like Marissa wanted. I’m not interested in this enough to decide whether I agree that this is consistent or think this is actually a different scenario. I just want to be done with this episode so I can forget about it.

I imagine—maybe hope is a better word—that this episode is bad because it’s hard to write five great episodes in a row without kind of phoning one in. I wish this episode didn’t kill the momentum coming out of 5x07 but I’m hoping that it is an isolated issue and not a drop in quality that will also spoil 5x09 and 5x10.

Wackner closes the door on Marissa, which I think is supposed to be meaningful, and Marissa calls Diane down to Wackner’s court to help Julius.  

Diane and Liz both go to court. “I’m about to be sent to prison for parking in a purple zone,” Julius explains. “What does that mean?” Diane asks. “If I explained it to you, it wouldn’t make any more sense,” Julius says.

Oh so now we remember that Wackner’s prison exists. When I said I wanted more about it, I didn’t mean that I wanted it looming as a threat... I meant I wanted to explore what it meant that Wackner was promoting prisons...

Diane asks if they should call the police, “the real ones.” I like that it takes her a second longer than Liz and Julius to understand the cops are real. Liz also notes that the SA’s office won’t help either because they might be happy with anything that fucks with RL. This scene is decent. Some of the themes in here are decent. It just feels poorly timed and with the emphasis in the wrong place. I imagine the goal here is to show that Wackner is now more concerned with enforcement than with the process for trials, and that enforcement brings with it a lot of uncomfortable questions. I wish that we’d spend less time on the incredulous reactions and silliness and more time reckoning with those questions.  

The next focus group likes the Wackner anger outburst, because, in Del’s mind, they want to see Wackner care about something. Does Del have the worst judgment ever? Wackner looks invested in every single thing he does—how could anyone accuse him of not seeming like he cares? His whole thing, the whole thing that got Del’s attention, is that he pays each case the kind of individualized attention it deserves. Now he only looks like he cares if he blows up? Even if the thing he’s caring about in the explosion in question is his own reputation? Is Del trying to make Wackner into a mid-2010s anti-hero? And if so... why?

Wackner’s outburst that accuses Del of corruption is apparently so good it got an unprecedented “95%” from the focus group. Sure. Why not.  

Then Del tells him to keep doing cases “just like this” and they’ll keep the court going. Does that mean just like the ALREADY HIGH PROFILE AND ALREADY HAND PICKED FOR TELEVISION cancel culture case, or cases like the Julius case? If the first, well, duh, that’s why they picked that case in the first place. If the second, again, why?

“You and your colleagues think you get to decide when and how justice is determined. You think it is your right to make and break the rules as you see fit,” Wackner says to Julius. UM, WACKNER, THAT IS LITERALLY YOUR ENTIRE DEAL???????????????????????????  

That’s the point, right????? Please tell me the point of this is that Wackner is supposed to look totally hypocritical and like an egomaniac who thinks his own judgment should not be questioned but everyone else’s should be????????????????????????? If this line isn’t meant to be supremely ironic I... I wouldn’t even know where to start.  

“The law belongs to the people,” Wackner says, and the cops start chanting, “USA!”. What?!  

And then we cut away from this and suddenly we’re welcoming Allegra to the firm and... did I miss an entire episode or something? What happened with Julius? Why are Liz and Diane smiling? How did Diane and Liz’s conversation about Allegra go? Did the other partners agree to this? Did David Lee? This is a very big development! I need more!  

Madeline seems welcoming towards Allegra. She and another partner are still suspicious of Diane because they have seen right through this strategy. So... I guess we aren’t done with this arc yet.  

Aw, Liz has a picture of herself with her son when he was a baby on her desk.  

Diane and Liz drop Wackner as a client. It takes longer than it should for Marissa’s name to come up in this conversation.  

If you were wondering about the Julius case we spent most of the episode building up, it’s resolved off screen by Wackner releasing Julius with time served. Why? Don’t know. Did it seem like it was headed that way during anything we previously saw? Nope.  

Wackner won’t let Diane and Liz back out, saying he gets to choose his representation (does it REALLY work this way?) and also, probably more importantly, that they won’t be able to get all of Cord’s business if they piss him off by dropping Wackner.  

Wackner also notes that they picked up his pilot. I’m sorry, what? Del didn’t just decide that the series he created for his streaming platform would be straight to series? That whole little “Wackner doesn’t test well” plot was resolved by showing an episode with the COTW they obviously should’ve shown from the start and then Wackner made a total of zero changes to his behavior or attitude and now the show is a huge success? What was the POINT? Why did I just watch that?!  

“Fuck,” Liz says as the episode ends.  

I’ve kinda always thought this, but it’s worth saying again: Madeline and company should resign from the firm. BOTH RL and STRL care more about profit than anything else. Liz and Diane want to work together. Liz and Diane both take the threat of losing Cord’s business seriously. If Madeline wants a firm that’s focused on social justice, it doesn’t matter if Diane is name partner or not. Liz is probably even faster than Diane to decide things based on money, and even if she weren’t, STRL owns them! Plus, I have a feeling that Diane, her clients, Liz, and Cord are probably individually worth more to STRL than Madeline and the other partners combined. If Allegra is down to pursue profit and deal with corporate overlords too, then Madeline and the others matter even less to STRL. Just cut your losses and start the firm you want to start. At this point it won’t even compete with RL.  

Don’t get me started on this absolutely idiotic title sequence for Wackner Rules. I’m sure this is someone’s idea of a joke. If I take it seriously, then I have to write about how it is even worse than all of the things I just complained about for the entirety of this recap, and honestly, I’m exhausted.  

[writingandsins]

HC of your Modern AU RDR2 Husband while in Covid-19 quarantine.

A/N: This took a long as time lol Ihope you like it though

Arthur

Luckily for you, the two of you live in a semi rual area. You live in a beautiful home with a few acres.

Super resourceful and only makes sure to get what you both need. He probably is the only one who makes trips to the store because he values your health over his.

But if you want snacks or anything non essential, he still gets it because he can’t say no to you.

Loves doing DIY project with you, keeps his hands busy and he loves the memories you guys make together.

When he does have to work from home, he still makes sure that you are doing okay and that you don’t miss him.

You guys cook together and it’s so fucking cute. You also love it when his face lights up when you bring him lunch on his work days.

He tolerates face mask night but eventually enjoys the results he’s getting.

Daily nature walks on the property.

Scenic drives with good music and holding hands. You love watching him drive because he just looks so fucking sexy doing it.

DATE NIGHTS. He’s such a romantic at heart, he’ll get dressed up with you and make sure to set the mood with candles and soft music.

Sex pretty much everyday because to be honest, that man is an animal for you. You two have pretty much fucked on every surface in your home.

If you guys have a porch or balcony, the two of you will spend a lot of time together there during the mornings or evenings, just being close.

When the gang has video chat nights, it’s always fun and filled with laughter and pointless bickering. Arthur gets tired of it pretty quick and always thinks of some excuse to leave.

Overall, Arthur will always make sure you feel safe and comfortable during this time.

Charles

So if you thought Arthur was resourceful, Charles is on another level. Never takes more than what you guys need, he also is the one who insists on making those trips to the store to protect you.

You guys live more rually so food is abundant in your gardens and he has a fridge full of venison and game meats. Going hungry is not an option.

Lots of home improvement projects.

Puzzle nights are a huge hit for you both and you can usually finish a smaller one in a couple of hours.

Fire place snuggles and movie nights.

Charles does not mind the face masks or hair treatments you put him through. He loves the attention.

Lots of home cooked meals, that boy can COOK and he’s always doing something different.

Charles hates weekly video chat nights with the gang. But you smile happily when he calls Arthur or John to see how they’re doing.

Date nights consist of slow dancing and old b movies. (And lots of sex.)

Charles is also an animal for you, you guys have sex at least twice a day, if not more.

Charles is a man who can craft and build, he surprises you with a beautiful, handmade gift just because he loves you. You cry a lot.

Charles is the perfect person to get quarantined with.

John

Music is constantly playing in the Marston home. Like, all the fucking time.

LOTS of deep cleaning to catch up on. With random dance sessions in the living room to take a break.

Despite his attitude at times, he likes to stay healthy and tries to cook at home for you, but sometimes you guys give in and order take out.

You plagiarize his phone with memes while he’s working in his office, just so you can hear him laugh from across the house.

When Jack comes over, Mario cart is a nightly tradition. You guys also have a DnD campaign that Jack game masters for.

You do face mask nights by yourself because John won’t do it lol. But he thinks it’s cute when you have green clay on your face. Calls you she-hulk.

John is very protective and won’t let you go to the store, he’d rather do it. If you make a big fuss, you better believe you’re wearing a face mask, gloves, hoodie, and pesters you to wash your hands.

Date nights are playing video games, movies, staying up late and cuddles.

You guys get a little more adventurous in the bedroom since you guys are at home a lot, John is a freak in the sheets and you’ve never thought you’d have so much sex in your LIFE.

Long drives just listening to music.

He enjoys the weekly gang talks but sometimes Dutch gets a little much and he has to leave. You usually find some clever reason for him.

You guys try to learn a new skill together and it’s so cute.

John does some home improvement but he needs a lot of help from Charles or Arthur.

John is a fun and sweet husband, he takes care of you and Jack and makes sure you are never bored.

Javier

Javier will make sure you are cared and provided for. He also knows to have a good time.

He’s always has been clean and well kept, so your home doesn’t need that much done to it.

You are constantly blessed with his amazing, home made Mexican cuisine. 👌🏻 All thanks to his Abuela.

Date nights are filled with music and drinking, he plays and sings for you in your beautiful backyard patio. You practically melt when he sings your favorite love song.

He’s also really fun to do DIY projects with.

Like Charles and Arthur, he’ll do face masks with you and for once he lets you do a home treatment to his glorious hair.

He does get stir crazy and needs to get out, luckily you guys have found a trail that no one really knows about for some nature hikes.

INCREDIBLE SEX 24/7. You guys try role playing and it’s sexy and funny.

Javier is very respectful when you work but he always makes sure you have water and snacks.

He loves the weekly gang chats, you guys miss your friends and it feels good to catch up on everyone.

All in all, you wouldn’t want to be trapped in the house with anyone else.

Sean

Uh oh. You’re stuck in the house with the biggest HORN DOG.

Weirdly enough, Sean does his best to keep the house clean.

He does take the virus serious despite his care free attitude, he gets all the groceries through post mates.

You guys also order take out way too often.

Sean will let you put a face mask on him as long as you sit in his lap while you do it. 

When you need a break from him, you plop him in front of the tv with his favorite game and he’ll be good for hours. Listening to him rage is the funniest thing in the world.

He does bitch a lot about being quarantined, you just pretend to listen.

He is the LIFE of the weekly gang video chats, he misses everyone so much.

Sean isn’t one for making date nights happen but he does make sure to compliment you a lot, even when you are wearing your pajamas for the third day in a row with now makeup.

He does however, when he is up for it, he makes you dress up, makes you a fine meal and then seduces you. Sex with Sean is always hot, the kinky bastard.

You guys do a lot of the social media at homes challenges and it’s hilarious. He shares it to the group chat all the time. Tik Tok is his new obsession. Arthur hates it.

Despite not going anywhere, he still loves doing instagrams OOTD with you and you guys put together cute as hell outfits.

Watching bad TV and getting drunk on lazy days.

Sean is still fun and spontaneous in quarantine.

Josiah

Your husband is a massive gemaphobe and won’t leave the house lol.

But he makes sure to still entertain you and make sure you are cared for.

You guys have a more luxurious life and you are very previlaged to have such a beautiful home.

Classical or Opera music plays quietly at all times to keep things lively.

You guys have a beautiful backyard that you tend to on your days off. In the evenings, you usually have dinner on the patio.

Josiah takes this time to catch up on some reading, you love it when he reads to you and so you have many fun filled evenings of him acting out parts of the book.

He does try to plan for next years vacation because lord knows you need one after this pandemic.

Date nights include dressing up, champagne that was saved from last year, and black and white movies.

Josiah loves to start the day with making love to you, it puts you both in a better mood.

You also have never seen him so dressed down before, but he never wears just sweats and a shirt.

Josiah sometimes joins in on the Weekly gang night video chats but he never stays for long.

He has always done face masks, even before you, so it’s a weekly tradition for you both.

Quarantine with Josiah is safe and comfortable, nothing much has changed except you can’t leave the house.

[lonelier-version-of-you]

That was a pretty good episode! It actually felt somewhat like old Holby again. Not as much as the episode where Henrik found out about Ollie’s PTSD did, that was proper Holby from start to finish (and the only episode to feel that way since Essie’s death... hell, if not since Joseph and Faye’s comeback in 2019), but you could see glimmers of the show it used to be tonight.

I still think Billie being as far gone as she is without anybody noticing until now is ridiculous. Okay, people are really unobservant about pregnancies in soaps, I accepted that after Eva on Corrie. But surely the hospital staff would have found out Billie was pregnant one way or another when she was first admitted? Seriously, surely they would have?

Her and Henrik’s scenes were so much fun to watch, though, that I could sit back and ignore that particular suspension of my disbelief for the length of the episode. Guys, I ADORE Billie. She is the most teenage girl-y teenage girl ever. All my hopes for Stepdad Henrik have absolutely been fulfilled. Her pretending to be in pain so she could be Henrik’s patient and use doctor-patient confidentiality to stop Henrik from telling Russ about her pregnancy was so goddamn funny. And Delainey Hayles is fantastic in the role.

I am sure a lot of people will start moaning that Henrik is “too smart” to be manipulated by Billie like that, but sorry, no, fandom, he’s not. It is absolutely, 100% in character for him to be tricked by her like that. He is a very intelligent doctor but his social skills absolutely are as rubbish as they were made out to be tonight. Deal with it.

I see they’re still going really hard on the “Russ is an overprotective dad” thing. I do wish they’d ease up a little on that. We get it. Russ is overprotective of his kid while Henrik wasn’t in his kid’s life at all. It would be a better and cleverer contrast if you stopped shoving it in our faces every 5 seconds, Holby.

Anyway, Billie explaining that she was adopted makes me really think they’re actually going the route my out-there theory said: that she’ll end up giving up her baby for adoption, and a couple will offer to adopt it... and then it turns out that couple is Amelia and Eli. It’s going to happen, guys, I’m telling you.

I also really loved Henrik worrying for Billie’s safety and making sure her baby’s conception was consensual. See, that was in character. That is the Henrik I know and love. Not the version of him who brushed off the trafficking and rape of two teenage girls like it was nothing the other week. This is the real Henrik. That moment alone did a lot for his, as TVTropes would call it, ‘character re-railment’.

Also the way Henrik looks at Russ is just the cutest thing ever. He is utterly head over heels, and it’s adorable.

And Henrik being completely unable to lie to Russ made me laugh. More evidence for the autistic Henrik essay, if I ever get around to writing that before the show ends. It actually kind of reminded me of Dylan on Casualty a couple years ago after he found out Lev was cheating on Faith, and he was utterly useless at lying about it.

Fletch is still here. And they’re almost certainly shoving Flac in last-second. Sigh. Having said that, I appreciated seeing an actual medical storyline tonight. The show actually felt like a medical drama again (well, a medical drama/soap opera hybrid, but it’s been one of those since... well, not quite the start, but certainly since many years ago), instead of a run-of-the-mill soap opera that happens to be set in a hospital, which is what it’s felt like since at least 2018.

Also, if there’s one thing I took from tonight, it’s that Rosie Marcel does the political speech scenes a lot better than Alex Walkinshaw. I miss Ric/Hugh Quarshie, though. It always used to be Ric who got these kinds of stories, and he suited them well.

And whyyy do we need last-second Flac. Whyyy. They never had chemistry in 2017/2018 and they don’t have chemistry now.

Poor, poor Nicky. God, I don’t even have anything to say on her storyline, my heart just... breaks for her. Belinda Owusu’s incredible acting only serves to make her scenes sadder. :(

I loved the Dom and Sacha interactions. That felt really old-school Holby. Sacha’s lab coat was great if you ask me. And does anyone know what the music Dom was listening to was? He has really good taste.

All in all, a decent episode. We’re in the home stretch now, with only 9 episodes left, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little sad, even if the show has been a shell of itself for a very long time. I may not miss the show, but I’ll really miss the characters.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

how would you do a percy jackson adaptaion?

okay, so I know this is a controversial opinion right off the bat: I really don’t think it should be an animated series.

A large part of the appeal of the series is that it’s a fantasy series set very very firmly in reality. Literally, apart from the camps, you could go to every location hit in the books. Riordan mentions specific streets, buildings and landmarks, and that was cool when I first read them. I remember being a kid and waiting for him to set a scene in a place near where I lived! I remember trips to New York and being able to envision an epic war happening in the streets. So I think any adaption needs to be live action just to keep that same feeling alive, while I’m not knocking on animation, I just feel like taking the story out of real life would make it loose a little of the charm. Like, the scene where Manhattan is completely frozen in time? It would be haunting to see that in real life, but I feel like it would be less impactful if it didn’t…you know…look real? The series should be done in a way that makes you truly feel like you could just turn a corner and walk straight into a snake woman going about her day. 

Now: another large part of the appeal of the series is how funny it is, but a lot of that…is Percy’s inner monologue. He doesn’t actually voice most of it, there was even a book where Annabeth described him as being quiet. So, I think the best way to work around this: make it Interview With A Demigod. 

Imagine it’s got an interview with a vampire-esque setup- and this even works because within the riordanverse, the books canonically exist because Percy sat down with a ‘camp scribe’ and had his quests recorded. So, like, this isn’t even entirely out of left field. But just imagine, a college-aged, maybe a little older Percy, I can see it so clearly in my head, he’s wearing a sweatshirt that at first glance looks like it says NYU but a trained eye will see it actually says NRU for a camp jupiter easter egg, he’s sitting in some dinky little diner (maybe it can even be a monster donut or something with a clever greek myth related name) with a guy who’s recording the conversation on some old-ass tape recorder that keeps acting up but they can’t record on a phone because of the whole technology thing. Every now and then it’ll cut back to them to get some great Percy thoughts out there. They open with older Percy saying the ‘look, I didn’t wanna be a halfblood’ and then explaining where he was when the whole mess started. Once he get’s to “was I a troubled kid?” the screen fades from older Percy to 12 year old Percy getting in a fight with Nancy and her gang, and the voice over says the ‘Yeah, you could say that’ part as we see him get threatened by the principal to behave on the field trip. Boom, we’ve got an opening. Lowkey….I’m seeing Jordan Fisher as older Percy, but I’m not 100% married to the idea. 

And before anyone tries to argue that showing an older Percy would spoil he’s not gonna die in last olympian- like, reading the books, we all knew he wasn’t going to die. It was a first person narrative and he was consistently speaking in past tense lmao like we Knew he was gonna make it. We still enjoyed the series. It won’t ruin anything.

I want part of the score of the adaptation to be instrumental versions of songs from the musical, I think that could be a sweet nod to that team. 

They really need to nail camp halfblood. I know that goes without saying, but in order to keep the pacing of the story decent we can’t spend as much time falling in love with it like we got to with the book. The book is like, 24 chapters and the quest starts at chapter 12- for a movie or tv show, that’s just gonna feel like it’s dragging. So, the insanity of the camp needs to smack you in the face right away, and then it needs to endear itself to the viewers quickly after that. Don’t try to ease the viewers (or Percy) into the mythology is real thing, rip it off like a bandaid. He’s on his way to meet Chiron and Mr. D for the first time and even if he’s not comprehending what he’s seeing, there’s nature spirits and harpies all around going about their day. Hestia waves at him and then disappears into the flames. Hecate kids can be seen casting a spell on the porch of the Hermes cabin. The Stolls are seen pranking some Aphrodite kids. He sees someone surely die on the climbing wall but then you hear a faint ‘I’m okay!’. The Apollo kids put a rhyming curse on another cabin. Pure chaos all before he gets the ‘so, gods are real’ speech. And then after that…show how warm Luke is to him at the cabin and at dinner. Show the kids all goofing off at the campfire and really make it clear that they’re children. Show the strawberry fields rolling in the wind and Percy sitting on the beach. The whole couple weeks where he’s searching for powers and learning greek and latin with Annabeth can be a montage. Make it clear how hurt and scared he is when he finds out he needs to leave.

It needs to really get you feeling how Percy’s feeling, every laugh, every tear, every moment of fear or confusion needs to shine clear through. Like…think of Spider-Man Homecoming, the Washington monument scene. All things considered, it’s not the most high-stakes scene we’ve ever seen in that franchise, and when it cuts to the kids in the elevator, they’re worried but not quite freaking out, but that scene feels very high stress to watch because the movie is good at getting the viewers to feel what Peter feels. A Percy Jackson adaptation needs a touch like that, because Percy’s a very emotional kid and that’s what a lot of the scenes hinge on.

Lowkey- I’d love it if the casts of both the previous movies and the musical had cameos or bit parts (the movie cast did Nothing Wrong, it was the rest of that team). It’d be hilarious to see, like, Jake Abel as the owner of the poodle, or Logan Lerman as Older Percy and the reporter’s waiter that keeps trying to get in on the conversation, or Brandon T. Jackson as a satyr who’s still stuck grooving out in the Lotus Hotel and Casino. Kristen Stokes as a nature spirit, Chris as one of the ghosts stuck in the waiting room of DOA Records, just like any of those casts having small parts would be fun and sweet. 

There should be a lot of easter eggs for the bigger riordanverse. Promotions in the background for the new Tristan McLean movie. Gabe’s got a true crime documentary about the missing Grace children playing during his poker game. Mr. D is reading a paper about Rachel Dare’s father’s newest project. At some point while they’re still in New York they pass the Kane family’s mansion or whatever it was called. Annabeth keeps a picture of little her and Magnus on her nightstand. The barest of hints about the Triumvirate. Seeing kids in camp jupiter gear in some background shots, just out of notice of our main characters but implying the camps are going through similar problems (BITCH….if we got a titan’s curse adaptation…and we had a shot of Thalia in the foreground….but in the background we saw a blond boy in purple with a golden sword….well I would simply loose my Goddamn mind).

And show us how easily the mist lets things blend in, too- like, everyone thinks ‘Monster Donuts’ is just a normal chain, it’s just on an average street block, but if Percy looks through the window he can see who’s behind the counter. Show someone swindling some guys in a park and you have to look twice to realize he’s a gegeines. Like…how people are still trying to find all the background ghosts in haunting of hill house. I would LOVE to see a bunch of background monsters and mythical beings just going about their day as much as the mortals are while the gang’s questing. 

The effects need to be fun. The whole story needs to be fun, but one weird thing about the past movies are that like…in their attempt to make it gritty, none of the fantastical things happening on screen actually felt that exciting. We need bright colors and interesting choices, consistently cool action shots, a liveliness that makes you feel like you’re in the center of the action. I have absolutely no doubt Disney easily has enough funds to pull off great effects.

The characters need to be….in character lmao. Annabeth needs to be cocky and bratty with the skill set to justify it. Percy needs to be a sweetheart who pretends to be hardened because that’s what people assume he’s like. Grover needs to have dry humor and a Too Old For This Shit attitude whenever percabeth start bickering. Luke needs to be nice and friendly but in a specific way that you can look back after the betrayal and see he was trying to groom everyone. Sally needs to be loving, protective and strong. Chiron needs to feel defeated and determined at the same time. Mr. D needs to….be Stanley Tucci lmao

Also, I’d love if the adaptation could expand more on things that got brushed along in the books- Percy and Beckendorf’s friendship, Silena and Clarisse’s dynamic, make Nico’s crush on Percy a little more obvious, give Rachel some more development. One thing that haunts me about the books is Sally never found out that Gabe hit Percy. Absolutely they don’t need to make the abuse explicit, but I also personally feel like a lot of Percy’s mindsets throughout the series are somewhat a result of Gabe, and I’d like if that got, you know, acknowledged. Maybe in the scene where he figures out Gabe abuses Sally he could say ‘does he hit you too?’ or something to that effect. They could also go more into detail about Annabeth’s family, give Zoe some more depth….like the possibilities I’m screaming.

Okay this is already long and I’m getting tired but I can so clearly see a great adaptation in my mind….Disney please come through….It’s what we deserve…. 

[carriagelamp]

I read more books this month than I anticipated. I should probably wait before doing a February book round up, but I already feel like I’m struggling to decide which ones to cut from my list so I’m doing it this weekend instead of next. If I read much next week I’ll bump ‘em up into March’s round up

Asterix and the Missing Scroll / Chieftain’s Daughter

I got the last two “new” Asterix books out of the library so I could officially say I had read them all. Over all my opinion is… they’re fine! None of these would ever become one of my favourites, but they’re all fine stories. The art is good, it is completely in-line with the original, and the stories are… fine. I liked The Missing Scroll quite a bit more than The Chieftain’s Daughter but I never find a ~hurr hurr teenagers~ plotline that interesting, whereas I do enjoy seeing Romans get chased down by unicorns so that’s probably not surprising. There’s some spark I can’t put my finger on that the new Asterix books just seem to be missing though… a bit of humour or cleverness or something. Still, they’re fine reads if you’ve been hungry for more Asterix and I’m glad I read them. (Though the library gave me the American translation of The Chieftain’s Daughter, something I didn’t realize until I started reading and realized that this is wrong??? I’ve been reading these books since I could read and I know this is wrong??? What the hell is happening??? The I realized the publisher was different and I simmered in fury the whole time I read it — WHY ARE YOU CHANGING NAMES AND WORD CHOICES IN A WELL ESTABLISHED SERIES THAT ALREADY HAS AN ENGLISH TRANSLATION YOU ANIMALS WHY ARE YOU DUMBING DOWN THE LANGUAGE AAAUGH

The Bride Was A Boy

This one was cute! The Bride Was A Boy is an autobiographical manga written by a transwoman recounting her experience with transitioning, meeting her boyfriend, and eventually getting married. It’s mostly done in a 4-panel style and is interspersed with lots of information about the LGBT community, particularly in Japan. A lot of it was stuff I was already familiar with, but I still found it adorable and a very worthwhile read. it would be a fantastic book for young queer people who are looking for more of an introduction into international queer space

Cul de Sac: Children At Play

Cul de Sac is just a weird, fun newspaper comic series about the children who live in a small neighbourhood. It fully taps into the children-as-semi-feral-chaos-agents, and there’s something hilariously nostalgic about the whole thing. Lots of times when stories try to portray children there’s always something… wrong about it, something that doesn’t mesh with true childhood, but in this comic I can see glimpses of my grimy, dirty-covered self as a preschooler running around the pages. I would definitely recommend trying them!

The Cremation of Sam McGee

I reread The Cremation of Sam McGee and The Shooting of Dan McGrew and man, they don’t stop being buckwild. These are two really famous Canadian poems that were then illustrated by equally famous Canadian artist Ted Harrison. Harrison’s style is gorgeous and distinct and given what strangely grisly stories these poems are they fit the mood perfectly. Everything feels just a little tilted and wrong and unsettling. If you enjoy an occasional poem (especially ones that are super fun to read out loud) and haven’t read these before, I would recommend them! Or do what my teachers did, and read Sam Gee to a young child in your life and watch them be baffled and concerned and horrified.

There are strange things done / in the midnight sun / by the men who moil for gold...

The Gryphon’s Lair

The second book of the Royal Guide to Monster Slaying series written by Kelley Armstrong; I’ve been eagerly awaiting this book! It’s a very cool fantasy series because it really leans into environmental stewardship and the importance of studying animals and conservation so you can find ways to live alongside a healthy ecosystem. In this book Rowan is officially accepted as the Royal Monster Hunter, which means a whole new set of trials and burdens. She has to contend with a baby gryphon that is becoming increasingly large and dangerous, plotting family members, doubt about her abilities, a potential curse, and a daunting quest deep into the mountains in order to set things right. If you’re looking for some very gentle high fantasy, this series delivers.

Hogan’s Heroes comics

What to say here. Anyone following this blog has suffered the knowledge that I’ve been rewatching Hogan’s Heroes lately. When I found out that there was a short-lived, shitty comic series in the 60s? Of course I had to hunt them down. And so I’ve read them! And they sure were a shitty comic series from the 60s! They were, shall we say, of wildly varying quality. Some were actually really funny (like #5, it easily had the best art and best jokes imho), others were a slog, and most were fine and amusing enough to read the whole way through but not much more.

If you don’t know what Hogan’s Heroes is about: it was a 1960s sitcom that took place in a WWII POW camp, in which the Allied prisoners trapped there had a massive, complex sabotage/spy ring right underneath the camp. The whole show is about constantly outwitting the bumbling Germans while keeping up the pretense that they’re all just normal prisoners. The show is hilariously funny and I would recommend that, even if I can’t say the same for the comics unless you’re like me and are just really thirsty for more content...

Magic Misfits: The Fourth Suit (Ripley)

The final book of Neil Patrick Harris’ middle grade series, The Magic Misfits. In this fourth book, the group is fragmented and forced to meet in secret to avoid notice from the mysterious and powerful Kalagan whose cruel machinations have already turned the quiet little town on its ears, putting people’s lives in peril and destroy Leila’s fathers’ magic shop. The Misfits are going to need all their skills to finally unmask this sinister magician and break the mesmerism he seems to have placed over the entire town before it’s too late to save no only the town, but their friendship and trust.

Super charming series, and the illustrations are gorgeous.

Marsupilami

HOUBA! I watched a very bad TV adaptation of this as a kid that still managed to find a place in my heart, and so I decided to finally try reading some of the original comic! On one hand: it was exactly what I had hoped! The art is cute, the marsupilami is so dynamic and fun to see on the page (and has a way better characterization than he does in the show), and it’s really funny! Unfortunately! It is also pretty racist! Yikes! That seems to be a reoccuring downfall for some of these older Belgian comics... I also tried reading the first book of Les Tuniques Bleues and aye ye ye… I couldn’t actually get through that one. That being said, these were older volumes and frankly, North American media was also real fucking racist at that point so I’m not gonna write them off either. I really liked most of this book, and will probably try to get my hands on one of the more recent volumes of both Marsupilami and Les Tuniques Bleues to see if they get better with time. (If you’ve read either of those series and have volume recommendations hmu)

The Pagemaster

I’m a sucker for novelizations, I have no excuse beyond that. I recently rewatched The Pagemaster and decided to read the chapter book. And it was a solid little adaptation! It’s about Richard Tyler, a young boy with a head for statistics which unfortunately means he lives in constant fear of (in his opinion, statistically likely) injury or death. However that fear is put to the test when he gets caught in a horrible thunderstorm and has to shelter in a nearby library with halls and shelves that stretch beyond the imagination and with untold perils hidden among the pages of the books. Richard, with only his library card and three novels that hope to be checked out, has to venture through the different genres and horrors housed int he library if he ever wants to find the exit and get home to safety.

Pumpkinheads

A very charming little graphic novel. Cute art, and really loveable characters. Josiah and Deja work every year at a local pumpkin patch, and are best friends during those weeks. However this is their last year working there before going off to university and as the last day at the patch comes to a close they realize that they both still have regrets. Deja sets off on a mission to avoid work, eat all the interesting snacks around the patch, and get Josiah to find the girl he’s been crushing on every year and has never worked up the nerve to talk to.

After being deprived of human contact for almost a year, this book really hits you right in the heart.

The Screwfly Solution

A deeply upsetting scifi/horror short story! I read it on the recommendation of a friend and, yes, can confirm that this fucked me up a bit. I honestly don’t even know what to say about this that wouldn’t spoil it, but frankly with everything being as it is, this hit a little bit too close to reality. (That being said, it was very well written, like this is a very good story on a literary level and it does exactly what it sets out to accomplish.) If you feel like reading twenty pages and being really disturbed, give it a go! Otherwise go and read any number of the much happier books on this list!

The Whipping Boy

This was a book I remember reading as a lit circle book back in elementary school and really loving. After telling myself I’d reread it for years, I finally sat down with it again. If you somehow got through school without reading this one, it’s about a brat of a prince and his whipping boy — since it would be unspeakable to strike a prince, when the prince misbehaves it is Jemmy who gets whipped. Unsurprisingly, there is no love lost between the two of them, because the prince is always intentionally causing problems that Jemmy has to suffer for. Things begin to change though when the prince decides to run away and drags Jemmy along with him. On the run, being chased by highwaymen, and desperately trying to hide their identities, these boys go on a fast-paced adventure beyond the castle walls. It wasn’t as special as I remembered it being as a kid, but it’s a fine little chapter book.

[your-turn-to-role]

hi okay i hate sending asks to people without knowing them but you seem kind so im trying: during the break, i’ve been working my way through VM, and i’m at episode 75. my question, because i’ve read some of your more recent meta, is “what’s Percy’s deal?” i know he’s loved by the fandom, but i can’t find myself relating to him, and i find his assertions that he’s the only one with a plan offputting. is there more context you can give to me about percy’s character that explains his motivations?

aww, thank you!

(and yeah, asks like this are totally fine, i totally get that anxiety, good job on sending this!)

i mean, first off, you don't have to like a character everyone else does? if you don't relate to percy you can just, not relate to percy, that's fine

(and to be fair, as much as i love him as a character, i would not want him as a friend, because he's a very flawed person that has a lot to work on, but in fiction those traits are interesting to watch rather than difficult to deal with)

but, percy's deal! the short answer is people generally like him because taliesin's funny and charismatic and he does morally grey right, which is rare and a fun thing to explore (also in his relationships with other people, the entire vex-vax-percy-keyleth square is full of neat parallels and opposites and interesting things and i have whole essays in my head on all six combos there)

i don’t know which posts you’ve read so i’ll link this one here too, just to cover a couple more of the generally unnoticed aspects of his character, and things i like about percy

he’s also far from perfect, as you’ve noted, he does tend to believe he’s the smartest person in any given room, because he’s young and clever and used to being that, which you’re allowed to find off putting, but i will say i find he does that less than a lot of characters of his general archetype? he listens to pike, he listens to keyleth, he listens to vex, he respects when they have more knowledge than him on a particular subject, he’s not above asking for help. and generally most of the arguments he has with keyleth on that subject aren’t him asserting he knows more than her, but more a matter of principles and values (they’re a really interesting pair that way, they have similar backgrounds, both children of royalty running away from the crown, but they’re such opposites. percy is a natural leader who would rather anyone rule than him, keyleth fumbles her way through all of it but sticks to it because she doesn’t want to let anyone down, percy is a pragmatist, keyleth is an idealist, they both are too focused on the big picture but in two completely different ways, i could write a whole other post on this, but to get to my point, they wouldn’t be such good balances for each other if percy didn’t absolutely respect where keyleth is coming from)

for the long answer, i’m gonna break this down into parts and try to get to the core of percy's character and why he is the way he is

(under the cut bc this gets long)

1 - heavy trauma

like... this is the really really big one. percy, at age 17 or 18, had his entire life up to that point completely destroyed. his family was killed, his friends were killed, people he trusted like family (professor anders, who was a more present figure in percy's life than his actual parents) betrayed him and helped the briarwoods, he was imprisoned in his own castle's dungeons and tortured for information, they threw his siblings' bodies in there with him to make a point, cassandra helped him escape but as far as he knew she died helping him. he has two years of his life after that he straight up doesn't remember, his hair turned white from the stress of it. 

trying to go after ripley the first time didn't work, he was captured and left to starve in a prison cell, for the first few months of travelling with vox machina he genuinely believed it wasn't real, because realistically no one was gonna come save him, this was just a hallucination of his dying mind. returning to whitestone he was forced to confront the fact that literally everyone he ever knew growing up (with the sole exception of archibald) was either dead or working with the briarwoods, and even after retaking the city there's a lot that can never be repaired. 

and he's just... never really dealt with any of this? like, he gave vox machina the technical details of what happened to him in the briarwood arc, because they needed to know that information, but the first time he actually started processing his trauma, the first time he admits it out loud to anyone, is the final episode of campaign one. before then it had been occasional snide or handwavey comments, and like, he'll let himself feel the anger over it (in the beginning of the story he encouraged it, because then he didn't have to feel anything else), but he's never processed the grief, never admitted to himself how badly that affected him

which means he's got a lot of pent up emotions in there that he just keeps burying, and sometimes they come out in unhealthy ways. having so much taken from him also makes him really motivated to keep the things he does have - he’s got some deep set abandonment issues and takes any kind of betrayal really badly, don’t know if you’ve got up to the scanlan stuff by the time i post this, but that’s something to keep in mind as to why he acts the way he does there. (and it’s not more explicit because percy was raised nobility, keeping a brave face through anything is part of who he is, he tends to cover emotions he’s insecure about in snark or indifference or, for the intense ones, anger, because those are the things he thinks he’s allowed to show, but the real emotions show up occasionally, when they’re particularly strong, or if you’re reading between the lines. he really does care a lot about vox machina)

2 - legacy and loyalty. 

speaking of nobility, it's hard to do a character study on percy without mentioning whitestone and the house of de rolo. this is the number one thing to percy. he was raised to respect title and name, and most importantly, raised to respect the people he represents - both the townsfolk of whitestone and also percy's ancestors and future de rolo generations. whitestone is more important than any one life, he has a duty to protect and serve it, and that comes before any personal wants he may have. it's also important to him for family reasons - he was a pretty lonely child, but he loved reading about the history of the city, all the weird ghost stories whitestone had even before the briarwoods. it probably made him feel more connected to all of that, this is the place he belongs. and after his family dies, it becomes even more important, because this is his connection to them. the soul of a city lives as long as its people, by protecting what's left, he keeps a little bit of what came before

(and also in just tidbits to understand percy's character, he sees all cities and man-made things the same way - in a world where some races live for centuries or millennia, their history exists mostly by word of mouth, you can physically talk to people who were around 500 years ago and get their take on things - humans don't have that, they get 100 years at most, so the things they build are vital to their heritage. this is how you keep people alive long after they're gone, by honouring what they created. and especially for someone so concerned with legacy and history, percy literally says abandoning westruun would be blasphemy, because the place people grew up is important, yes it's better that they live, but letting the city be abandoned and destroyed would be an irreparable act of violence.) 

this is the number one thing on percy's mind when evaluating anything about himself, where do i come from, and what do i leave behind? which is a question that has a lot of moments to be tested, because of my next point...

3 - pragmatism and terrible thoughts

when it comes down to it, percy is a very ends justify the means kind of person. he finds it very easy to square away any kind of collateral damage as long as it gets him to his end goal. see: trial of the take, where he's fine to catch his friends in the blast radius of a new bomb design because he's so excited that it worked, preparing to fight vorugal and resigning himself to potentially having to kill innocent people to kill the dragon (he wasn’t okay with that, but he would do it), also his conscious decision to let ripley go, knowing she would lead to the deaths of thousands because it was her or the briarwoods and he wanted revenge 

(this is by his own admission his lowest point and worst mistake, because as mentioned, he thinks about the consequences of his actions near constantly, he knew she would reproduce his guns and they would lead to a whole new form of warfare. but in that moment he was just blinded by grief and way too emotionally burnt out and did not have the capacity to care. and he spends the rest of the campaign and honestly probably the rest of his life trying to make up for that one)

he's also, by his own admission, someone who has a lot of bad thoughts he doesn't act on, he's very clever and creative and ideas for ways to use those skills for violence or vengeance come easily to him (like, percy as an actual villain would be ripley but worse, ripley's intelligent but a very direct point a to point b kind of thinker, percy has multiple times criticised her lack of imagination, a percy with her lack of morals would be terrifying)

(honestly this is why i was seeing percy so much in taliesin's narrative telephone, because "sometimes i wake up having dreamed of a terrible thing, and normally i just file that away for things that i would never do, because i wanna maintain friendships, but then LIAM did something to me." and the whole being absolutely fine with throwing the rest of the cast under the bus just to enact revenge on liam was quintessential percy)

but we’ve seen the pragmatic anti hero everywhere, anyone can be a terrible person, and have reasons for it, that alone doesn’t make an interesting character (at least not for me)

what does, is my last point

4 - trying to be good

i still vividly remember when i first watched campaign one, being really surprised at how much percy asked for help? like, i went in expecting the usual full on demon possession storyline, i expected percy to hide how bad it was, i expected him to make poor decisions without realising he was doing it until he was in too deep to back out

and like, he had some of that. but at the first sign of things being out of his control, he asked his friends for help. he let pike greater restoration him. he told vax to kill him if things ever got too out of hand. he was really, genuinely scared about what he got himself into and what he might do because of it. there was never a point where he pretended, even to himself, that making a deal with orthax was okay. the minute he realised there was a demon involved, he was working to stop it. and yeah, by the time he realised it was already a bit too late, there were already some things out of his control (and also taliesin kept having the worst rolls against the whitestone corruption which was really fun on a meta level), which is how things got as bad as they did. but honestly, all things considered, there’s very little to criticise about the way percy handled himself in the briarwood arc. 

and he keeps doing that, trying to get better. he struggles with it, he struggles a lot, against his anger issues, against all the trauma, against the fact that he really doesn’t want to be here and things would be so much easier if he were dead. but he recognises he holds grudges too easily, so he starts actively trying to forgive those who’ve wronged him (this is something he and vex have in common, and something they were working on together before they were together, which probably helped a lot in getting them to that point as well). he recognises he makes poor decisions when he’s angry, so he starts learning to step back in those moments and leave the decisions to someone else. he has never not owned up to his mistakes, he takes responsibility for everything he’s done, and if he notices a problem he can’t solve himself, he asks for help.

and i find that fun to explore. like, percy’s been likened to hamlet in the actual show, and i was the kid who got super obsessed with hamlet when i was like 15 because i was in that same mental space of suicidal self hatred and existential melancholy but also thinking i was the smartest person in any given room and being too young to have gotten over the arrogance that makes you ignore everyone else’s needs for the sake of indulging your own problems. and then i got older and realised there are smarter ways to go about things, like having empathy and appreciating the light in the world and not being a dickhead to people because it makes you feel better, and maybe hamlet can be justified and in the wrong at the same time. and while there’s some stuff i won’t spoil for you, percy after ripley kills him is definitely starting to learn that, which you rarely see in the hamlet archetype, bc everyone’s like “ah yes so Deep so Important who cares what bad things this person did they had Trauma and are Clever”

well, percy cares about the bad things he did, and cares about not doing those anymore. so like, he’s still a disaster of a person bc he’s like 23 and no one has their life together at 23, especially not someone in percy’s situation, and honestly i find that fun to watch as well bc i like watching characters make stupid mistakes and do stuff i’d never approve of in real life, and as i mentioned at the start, taliesin makes captivating and funny characters. but yeah, that’s generally where percy’s at, most of the time

[vendeavendea]

How Entrapta Has Become My All Time Favourite Autistic Representation in Media: Long Version

Just so you know what to expect, this is more of a very long and boring personal post and less of a character analysis. By "very long", I mean "very long". Also, half of it was written at night when I was supposed to be sleeping (like, right now), so some parts might not even make sense. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Just days before I started to watch She-Ra, I answered a question in a writer group where someone asked what are the do's and don'ts of writing an autistic character. I've been told a couple of times in my life that I can’t be autistic based on the fact that I'm not really interested in or good at science, so I think special interests of autistic people are something that definitely has to be presented better in media. So I advised this person to make their character have a special interest that's NOT related to science, technology, space or computers, because it's a very common misconception that people on the autism spectrum are always into these stuff, and there are so many autistic fictional characters based on this stereotype that I feel like we absolutely don't need any more.

And then I saw Entrapta.

I didn't know she's canonically autistic until a much later episode, but it didn't surprise me when I was told she is, because my autism radar went off like a hundred times while watching System Failure and all her other season 1 appearances (so did my ADHD radar, by the way, but as far as I know, this hasn't been confirmed by the creators, so it's just my headcanon). And she looked like the purple ponytails princess version of the autism stereotype that I didn’t want to see any more of. The genius who is into space and robots, knows nothing about human relationships and keeps driving everyone nuts with her long and impossible-to-follow scientific monologues. Also cute and funny, yeah, but still, as someone on the spectrum who is super artistic and has nothing to do with science stuff, my first reaction was "dang, not this shit again." Just for once in my life, I wanted to see an autistic representation that's not just that typical weird tech-lover but a character that's at least a tiny bit more like me. Seeing her only in her first episode, little did I know that Entrapta's character has an incredible depth and her whole arc was going to be hair-raisingly personal to me (I know I'm not funny, but pun intended).

First, let’s talk about robots, because we can't talk about Entrapta without talking about robots. Entrapta builds robots just for fun, because technology is her thing, but there's actually a lot more behind this. Starting from as early as her debute episode, we see through the whole series that she creates robots with different designs, abilities, personalities, very similar to real people, as a sort of substitute for the human (or whatever species) company she'd wish to have. She even gives them names. She programs them to like being around her, to understand her, something that she hasn't really experienced from real people, which is sad enough on its own, but even sadder if we consider that she actually has human staff working at her fortress. She pretty literally makes friends, and she does it with the help of her special interest. And this totally reminds me of my primary school years when I had zero real friends and used my special interest, which was writing fictional stories and creating worlds/universes/languages in my head, to make up imaginary characters that could be my "friends" so that I wouldn't be that lonely.

Then, her interactions with other characters, especially with Hordak. Entrapta consoling Hordak in Huntara is a very powerful scene to me, not only what she says, but also how she says it. When Hordak starts venting about how he is a failure and all, Entrapta's first immediate response is to provide a practical solution, to design an armor for him, and comforting him with words is only a secondary action. She's helping in her own way, with technology, because that's what she's the best at, but she also wants to make sure he understands that fixing imperfections isn't always the solution, embracing them is. I also love how it's hinted with the "loved" crystal that Entrapta's love language may be acts of service (and probably quality time as well), which is another thing we have in common. And there's another thing in that scene I found very relatable: that part when she stops consoling him and starts to talk about herself being a failure instead. In real life, most people would read that in a negative way. I've been in many situations where I've tried doing something similar to people who were venting to me, and normally, they're like "ew, I'm the one complaining now, stop making it about you." But Hordak's reaction is different, all he does is try to tell her she's not a failure before she shushes him, then he just listens. He understands what Entrapta means by saying all those things about herself isn't "hey, look, my life is also horrible, so I get to complain, too" but rather "I feel you, we're the same". For a person who thinks and acts as differently from average people as Entrapta does, connecting with someone through similar experiences and feelings is a huge thing, and this is so relatable to me that I cried like a baby while watching that scene. Also, kudos to Christine Woods for making Entrapta's monologue sound so factual and casual. It really gives the impression of someone who is fully aware of her own strengths and weaknesses and accepts herself as a whole with all her flaws. The way she lists all the things that make her feel like a failure right after saying "imperfection is beautiful" is just... wow. But seriously, this whole "imperfection is beautiful" thing in general is such a cliché that it's not even supposed to work on me, but hell it does, because it's so well-presented that it's actually one of the most powerful moments of the whole series. Entrapta giving me self-acceptance lessons is all I've ever needed in my life (Hordak probably agrees, lol).

Speaking of self-acceptance, I also love how Beast Island shows that it's a long and difficult process with its ups and downs instead of just a door you walk through once in your life and then stay on the other side forever. Even if I accept and love myself the way I am, it's still totally normal to have low points with thoughts like "I'm not suited for friendship" or "everyone leaves me behind". And it's very nice and uplifting to have someone's love and support when I'm in a bad mood with stuff like this on my mind, but personally, I often find it easier to deal with if I have something related to any of my special interests around that I can focus my thoughts on. My "we flew here on an ancient First Ones ship, do you wanna see it?" would be something like "do you wanna create some characters and then write the shit out of them?" and before this show I've never actually realised how neurodiverse it is to use a hobby or interest for self-care like this. The "definitely the ship" part called me out so hard, and I just adore how the writers were able put so much meaning into a single joke line.

Back to interactions, there's also something painfully relatable in the way the other princesses treat Entrapta. Even in the beginning in No Princess Left Behind, but mostly in season 4 and 5. In most cases, Entrapta is only considered to be worthy enough to not be left behind in situations when her skills are useful. Other characters "liking" her isn't really about herself as a person but her tech knowledge. Just like when you go to school and the only reason your classmates want to make friends with you is because you always do your homework and let others copy it, or you're good at explaining stuff and are willing to help people getting prepared for tests/exams. When I was in grammar school, my classmates ignored me or mocked me for liking animation and comics, but every now and then they did the bare minimum of treating me like a human being and expected me to do their arts homework in return, because I was the only one in my class who was good at arts. When I studied linguistics at the uni, I was really into phonology and historical linguistics, and those were the compulsory subjects most of the other students were struggling with, so many people wanted to hang out with me just to make sure they could get my notes before the exams. The same people kept calling me nerd and making fun of me behind my back. I also had a few genuine friends, which I'm grateful for, but I still know what it feels like to be needed only for a specific skill while not being noticed and respected as a person, and Launch portraits this experience in a very clever way. It's so amazing to see how the princesses realise who Entrapta really is and start to treat her as someone who just thinks differently instead of someone who's a deliberate bad person. They finally get to see that she's not just an unwary tech nerd, but also a determined, caring and loyal friend who gives others so much love in her own geeky way and deserves love, too. But I shouldn't even be surprised, I mean, we're talking about a show that teaches us "you worth more than what you can give to other people," and it's great how this message applies to other characters as well, not only to Adora. And the best part is that this whole conflict is not presented as something black and white, it's not like Entrapta is the poor misunderstood autistic person and the princesses are the evil allistic bad guys who mistreat her. It's simply a miscommunication between neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals, and while the other princesses get to understand that they hurt Entrapta by their actions and that they should be more respectful of her, Entrapta also realises that she's made mistakes and hurt people, becomes aware of her own bad habits and makes efforts to get rid of them in order to save Glimmer. Plus I also love the faint implication that most of the princesses never really, genuinely, 100% make friends with Entrapta even after this scene, because sometimes people just don't resonate with each other enough to become close friends, but they learn to accept her differences and treat her with respect, nonetheless. This episode is so full of realistic interactions and character development it blows my mind every time I rewatch it.

I could just go on and on about all those tiny relatable details such as "I've waited years for someone to ask me about my theories!" I think this was the line that first made me fall in love with Entrapta's character. I mean, if someone from the crew wrote this line, that means they might know the feeling, too, so I'm not the only dork who feels this way every time someone asks me a question about my hyperfixations. And it's just so reassuring. Entrapta has many lines of the kind, they're not even important plotwise, but still super relatable and validating.

Now that we're here, and I know that I probably should have said this at the beginning of the post, but I'm too lazy to rewrite the first paragraph accordingly, I'd like to note that these are all my own interpretations and reflections on Entrapta's character based on my own experiences. This whole thing is totally personal, and I don't want anyone to think that this is how Entrapta is supposed to be seen by the whole fandom. So yeah, that's pretty much it for now.

[ibijau]

Nie Huaisang too has a list of requirements for his future spouse. This eventually comes to bite him in the ass in an unexpected way.

also on AO3

The first time Nie Huaisang hears someone say that he'll be hard to marry, he's eight. It's the first time he gets to accompany his father and brother to a conference, and while he's desperately trying to be good, he gets bored pretty quickly and disappears to explore a bit. Nightless City and the Wen's palace aren't fun places, and he's too worried about getting lost to go very far, but there's still a few interesting things to look at.

Not far from the main halls where the conference is happening, he almost stumbles upon two adults whom he recognises as friends of his father. Well, friends might be pushing it. But Father tries to be polite to them to their face, and that's not an effort he makes with everyone. So, Nie Huaisang counts them as his father's friends, and knows they have the power to scold him if they spot him somewhere he shouldn't be. As they approach, Nie Huaisang finds a curtain to hide behind, and waits. 

"And that second son of his is a disgrace," the man in red says as they pass by him. 'Wen Bastard', Father used to call him when chatting with mother, which always made her roll her eyes. "That's what happens when blood weakens." 

"Only a fool marries a woman like that," says the other one, 'that greasy Jin merchant'. "A dancer… That's just what you call a prostitute who can't live without making extra efforts. With a mother like that and how weak he's said to be, they'll never secure a match for that boy." 

"Qinghe Nie isn't what it used to be. And that saber of his…" 

Nie Huaisang doesn't hear the rest, because the men are already gone. He doesn’t want to hear more, anyway. Just that bit about his mother upsets him. It’s not news to him that his mother didn’t have the most respectable of lives before meeting his father, and he’s vaguely aware that some people looked down on their marriage for that, but hearing it put in such crude words hurts.

As he returns to his father’s side, Nie Huaisang slowly realises that those comments he overheard won’t leave his mind. He can’t say anything, though. Father gets too upset whenever something reminds him of mother. Nie Mingjue isn’t an option either, because he’s so hot-tempered, and even Nie Huaisang can tell that those words were pretty strong insults that the men would never have dared to say in public. It could lead to bad things if he were to repeat what he heard.

So Nie Huaisang remains silent until they all go to bed. They’ve been given a nice bedroom for their stay in Nightless City, but there was a misunderstanding and Nie Huaisang himself wasn’t expected to be there, so he doesn’t have his own bed. Nie Mingjue refuses to share his, because he’s too old for that apparently. Good. He kicks and steals the blankets, so Nie Huaisang wouldn’t have wanted to share either. Of course they could have asked for another bed to be brought to their room, but Father decided it would be too much of a bother. Instead, Nie Huaisang gets to sleep with him, which is nice. Father is always so warm at night, and doesn’t mind that he moves too much.

Cuddled against his father, safe and warm in the darkness of their room, Nie Huaisang would be perfectly happy if not for that conversation he heard earlier. It still nags at him. The thing against his mother is bad enough, but the other comment they made, the one about him… 

"Father, will I get married someday?" he asks when he figures that he can’t fall asleep without figuring that out.

His father huffs, an amused smile visible on his lips even in the low light. 

"You're too young for that!" Nie Mingjue grumbles from his bed. "I get to have someone first!" 

That remark gets a short laugh out of their father, which in turn makes Nie Huaisang giggle. Nie Mingjue is always complaining about this or that lately, which apparently is a normal side effect of being fifteen. 

"You can both get married if it pleases you," their father announces. "The order doesn’t matter much, either. You'll find someone. You're both handsome, clever boys, with the fame of our clan to make you seem even more handsome. And if you don't find it on your own, I'll try to find it for you." 

"I want a pretty girl," Nie Mingjue quickly says. "With a gentle personality, but who is still my equal in a fight, and…" 

Father groans. 

"It's too late for this, Mingjue. Make a list and give it to me later. You too, Huaisang, if it worries you so much." 

Nie Huaisang nods, relieved that this gives him time to think about the problem, and shuffles closer to his father. Sect leader Nie pulls him against his side, one arm wrapped over his son's shoulders in a protective gesture. It feels so safe to be like this, and Nie Huaisang soon falls asleep. 

In the morning, still bored at that conference, Nie Huaisang starts a list of what his future spouse ought to be. He decides, pretty quickly, that he'd rather marry a man. His own mother has just died with the baby she carried, and Nie Huaisang doesn't want to feel that pain again. 

So, it will be a man. He must be handsome, the most handsome in the world. Intelligent, too. And… he has to get along with Nie Mingjue, of course. 

He doesn't dare show the list to his father, feeling it is not yet complete, but it is nice to have it. 

-

Some weeks later, Father's sabre breaks during a hunt. 

The months that follow are rough. 

Nie Huaisang adds 'kind' and 'patient' and 'just' to his list. 

Nie Mingjue says, several times, that he shouldn't judge their father based on those last few months, because he was unwell and that's not who he really was. He’s right of course, because until then Father has always been good to both of them and to everyone around. He just got sick. So sick he died. 

Nie Huaisang also adds 'calm mind' to the list, just in case. 

-

If things were rough while Father was ill, they become worse after he dies.

For one thing, Nie Mingjue gets very busy. Of course he’d started getting more responsibilities in the sect since forming his golden core, and again during Father’s sickness, but now Nie Huaisang hardly ever sees him except at meals or during training, when Nie Mingjue mostly shouts at him for not doing better.

It’s funny. Nie Mingjue never used to care too much that Nie Huaisang can barely hold his sabre, but suddenly it’s absolutely essential that he becomes as tough as everyone else in the sect and that his cultivation improves.

At least Nie Mingjue does that because he’s worried. Nie Huaisang knows his brother enough to see that. But the rest, the elders, pick on him over everything just because they don’t like him. It comes as a shock to realise that, but his father’s cousins and uncles hate that their former sect leader had married a dancer, that he’d disgraced the clan like that. They never dared to say anything while Father was alive because he wouldn’t have allowed it, but Father isn’t there anymore, and Nie Mingjue is too busy to notice.

When Nie Huaisang tries to complain to his brother that the elders are mean to him, Nie Mingjue tells him to work harder to prove them wrong, like he’s doing whenever someone says he’s too young to lead their sect. It sounds like good advice, but Nie Huaisang’s efforts bring no results with regard to his cultivation or to the elders' opinion of him, so he just ends up giving up.

Meanwhile, his list gets a little longer. Now his future husband must love him (he never thought of that until one day he had a bad argument with his brother and wondered if anyone cared for him at all). He must also be accepting of Nie Huaisang’s weaknesses, and value his strength, whatever they are. Hopefully, this perfect husband will help him find them. He must also be honest, because Nie Huaisang still hurts from the fact that all his uncles have just lied for years about liking him and his mother. And it won’t hurt if he is skilled in all the arts, and if he has great cultivation and even greater fighting skills, so that nobody ever dares to pick on Nie Huaisang again.

-

It was planned to send Nie Huaisang to study in the Cloud Recesses at the same time as all the other young masters of the Great Sects, but something happens with the Wens, and Nie Mingjue hurriedly decides to send him there one year early.

It’s not the worst.

Sure the food is bad, the lessons are tedious, and Lan Qiren is a horrible teacher… but the scenery is nice, and most people don’t really pay attention to Nie Huaisang, which is a nice change from home where everyone always watches what he does. 

And also, there’s Lan Wangji.

The two of them have been encouraged to try and spend time together, since there used to be a friendship between their fathers. Well, there’s a friendship between them as well now. It surprises a few people, because they’re so different, Lan Wangji so quiet and studious, Nie Huaisang so chatty and careless, but that’s because people only look at the surface. After all, Lan Wangji doesn’t mind chatter too much if it’s from the right person and on the right subjects, while Nie Huaisang can make himself very quiet when he finds something worthy of his attention. They often go on walk together, admiring the mountains around the Cloud Recesses, painting a little, chatting about things.

They have a lot they can chat about.

Lan Wangji, just like Nie Huaisang, has lost his mother when he was young, and it left a deep impression on him. They also both have complicated feelings about their fathers, and that’s… such a relief to finally have someone who can understand that.

Nie Huaisang doesn’t have very close friends at home, and Nie Mingjue refuses to hear anything about those last few months of their father's life, acting as if because their father wouldn’t normally have done those things, then it doesn’t matter that he still actually did them. And Lan Wangji seems glad that someone will listen when he says that he just wishes his father would see him sometimes, that he’s working so hard to be worthy of his attention.

Lan Wangji doesn’t like to be touched, but they hug a few times, and cry as well.

So maybe, just maybe, Nie Huaisang puts even less effort in his studies than he would have, just so he fails his years. Nie Mingjue has told him he’d stay in Gusu until he passes when his grades started reaching him, and Nie Huaisang isn’t above using that to his advantage.

While he is in the Cloud Recesses, his list of requirements for a husband continues getting longer.

It’d be nice to marry someone from the Lan clan, Nie Huaisang figures. Someone who is trustworthy. Someone who is a good listener. Someone serious but with a surprising sense of humour when you know him. Someone with a face that looks carved out of marble, with eyes that look almost golden in the right light. Someone tall, with the manners of a scholar and the posture of an emperor. Someone who maybe is next in line to lead his sect.

Nie Huaisang might have a bit of a crush. He knows it’s one sided, though, and he doesn’t mind too much. His list is a fun thing to think about, but he’s starting to realise that maybe Jin Guangshan and Wen Ruohan were right that day: he’s not exactly the most marriageable person in the world.

Well, he’ll just have to stay at his brother’s side and help him once he’s old enough for that. It’s not a bad fate.

Still, that list is getting a little too specific. Just for the sake of plausible deniability, Nie Huaisang also adds ‘smiles a lot’ on it.

-

Later, Nie Huaisang can’t even remember what the argument with Nie Mingjue was about. His grades and failure in Gusu, maybe. Or the fact that his golden core is really little more than a slightly tinted dustball. Possibly, it was because Nie Huaisang blew so much of his allowance into buying paper and a pretty new fan. But really, it might have been something else entirely. It doesn’t matter.

What matters is that the argument blew up into a huge fight, with Nie Huaisang and Nie Mingjue shouting at each other for what feels like hours, until Nie Mingjue says that he never wanted to have a brother anyway, to which Nie Huaisang replies that good, because he doesn’t have one anymore now, right before storming off to his room.

They’ve always had arguments. It’s in their temperament. Back when father was alive, it wasn’t too much of a problem because he always found ways to make them reconcile within the day. The fights they’ve had since his death have been nastier, brought on by Nie Mingjue’s exhaustion from working so much and Nie Huaisang’s frustration at never being enough. They’ve been vicious sometimes, but never like that day. That day, it feels like something broke.

As soon as he reaches his room, Nie Huaisang grabs the largest qiankun bag he can find, and shoves inside all his most precious possessions. Fans, robes, brushes, books… some jewellery and money too, because he’s not stupid no matter what some people seem to think. If he’s running away to Gusu, then he’ll need to pay for inns and food… and for a horse as well, because he’s certainly not going to fly there. Nie Mingjue can keep that stupid sabre.

Figuring that the guards might stop him if he tries to leave through the front door, Nie Huaisang decides to go through the back of the Unclean Realm and take the mountain path. Surveillance there is lesser, and he is quite capable of using his cultivation to quickly climb the high walls, thanks. After that, it's only a matter of finding his way back toward the road to Qinghe, and from there he'll have no trouble going toward Gusu.

At least, that's the plan. 

The truth is, those mountains around the Unclean Realm are rough and hard to navigate, with heavy fogs making it hard to find one's way. It doesn't take long for Nie Huaisang to get lost. He gets a brief moment of hope when the fog lifts after a few hours, until he realises that's only because it has started raining. It soon turns into a downpour and Nie Huaisang, who isn't dressed for that weather, starts getting very cold. 

Desperately trying to find a place to hide from the rain, Nie Huaisang would have missed that little cavern if he hadn't tripped face first right in front of it. He thinks, later, that it might have been fate. For now though, it's just a dry place where he happily takes refuge.

As bad as he is at cultivation and Night Hunts, Nie Huaisang has suffered through enough lessons to know what to do in this situation. He removes all of his drenched clothes, and puts on one of the robes he brought, the thickest one he can find. The wet clothes are laid flat on the floor to help them dry, Nie Huaisang eats one snack, and then sets out to explore his refuge and make sure that nothing there is dangerous. 

One slow burning flame talisman in hand, Nie Huaisang discovers that he isn't in an ordinary cave, but in an abandoned temple. He'd be hard pressed to say who the temple is dedicated to. Time has erased names and signs, and the divinity's statue has suffered so much that he can't even decide if it's a man or a woman. Still, Nie Huaisang isn't one to take unnecessary risks, so he bows before that statue, and offers thanks for the refuge. 

Kneeling before that forgotten god, Nie Huaisang feels something poking at him inside his sleeve. He almost laughs when he discovers that stupid list of his, and then nearly cries instead. 

The list, which for years has brought him comfort, suddenly feels like the physical manifestation of how stupid he is. Did he really think anyone would love him, let alone a person as perfect as the one he's described? And what was he thinking, trying to run away? Even if Lan Wangji somewhat puts up with him, the instant he steps into the Cloud Recesses, Lan Qiren will send him back to Qinghe. That's if he even makes it to Gusu, though, which seems unlikely when he is so badly lost in those inhospitable mountains. He can't even fly up to find his way, because he's a stubborn, talentless little idiot who left his sabre at home. He's probably going to die here, and no one will miss him. If anything they'll be glad he's gone, one less problem to bother them. 

Nie Huaisang does cry in the end. He doesn't want to die, and he's tired of never being good enough for anyone. 

He wonders if that forgotten god would understand the feeling, left behind in this old temple, without anyone praying to them. If that was the god's only temple, then they must have faded away long ago, just like Nie Huaisang might die if he's not rescued. At least, he'll die in a fitting place. 

Outside, night falls. Inside, Nie Huaisang is shivering, no matter how many robes he puts on. He vaguely wonders if he might have a fever, but his head feels too fuzzy to really care. Bored and cold and burning, he starts chatting with that faceless god, almost as if they were old friends.

"We will be if I die here," Nie Huaisang points out as he meticulously divides his snacks so half of them will go to this unknown god. "I hope you don't mind chatter. I'm told I talk too much sometimes."

When his task is finished, he puts the snacks on the dusty altar, and bows again to the deity. It feels like a pitiful offering, but he dares not put his money and jewellery there. 

"I'll need them to have a road built to this place if I survive," he explains. "And then I'll come whenever I can, and encourage others to come too. I think that's a good deal, right?"

There is no answer. He's not quite feverish enough to expect one. Still, it doesn't feel like he's giving enough. Biscuits and a promise… But it's all he had. That and a stupid list about all the things he'll never have, all the things he'll never be. 

"Do you want this as well?" he asks, unfolding the list and laying it on the altar. "Listen, I just want for things to get better. It's all, you know ? Make sure it gets better, and I swear I'll get people to come pray to you again." 

The hidden temple remains silent, save for the sound of heavy rains outside. Growing tired of this one sided conversation, and just tired in general, Nie Huaisang curls up before the altar, wrapped as comfortably in his many robes, and closes his eyes. 

He wonders if Nie Mingjue has even noticed yet that he's gone. Probably not, he figures before losing consciousness, and even if he has, he most likely doesn't care. 

When Nie Huaisang wakes up, it is to the familiar comfort of his own bedroom in the Unclean Realm. He’s tempted, at first, to think that everything was just a bad dream, that he never ran away and found that little temple. It sounds like the sort of stupid dreams he’d have. Quickly though, he figures that something is slightly wrong. First of all, there’s a chair next to his bed. It is empty at the moment, but Nie Huaisang finds vague memories coming back to him, telling him that it has been occupied for a long time. Then, there’s the fact that Nie Huaisang is very thirsty and positively starving, something that rarely happens to him. He never goes for long without snacks of some sort, unless he’s ill.

He thinks back of the temple, how cold and hot he was. Uh. So he really got a fever from all that rain then. It’s embarrassing, and Nie Huaisang is sure that as soon as it’s clear he’s healthy again, he’ll be scolded for his low cultivation that allowed this to happen.

That’s a problem for later. For now, Nie Huaisang’s only worry is that he’s starving. Scoldings he can deal with, but he can’t bear to have an empty stomach. With great effort he rises from his bed, finds a robe to throw on, and leaves his room. He hasn’t taken two steps into the corridor that he finds himself in front of Nie Zonghui and a servant carrying on a tray a bowl of what smells like broth.

“Nie er-gongzi, I’m glad to see you’re well,” Nie Zonghui says, and quite amazingly he seems to mean it. “We were all very worried about you.”

Nie Huaisang rolls his eyes before glancing toward the bowl of broth. He’s salivating already, it’s disgraceful.

“You were so worried that I woke up alone,” Nie Huaisang teases. Then, unable to resist a second longer, he grabs the broth and starts greedily drinking it, manners be damned. He almost chokes on it a few times, but it doesn’t matter, he’s just too hungry to care.

“Slow down!” Nie Zonghui orders him, only to be ignored. “And I had to drag your brother out so he’d have a look at his mail instead, but you can’t have been alone more than five minutes, so don’t complain.”

The bowl emptied, Nie Huaisang puts it back on the tray and thanks the servant. Maybe Nie Zonghui had it right about going slow, because he feels a little nauseous now, but… no way he’ll admit to that.

“Nie zongzhu has been at your side the whole time,” Nie Zonghui insists. “He’s the one who found you, too. Nie gongzi, we really thought we had lost you. What were you thinking, going to such an isolated place? If your brother hadn’t found you when he did…”

Something in his cousin’s tone makes Nie Huaisang shiver. In all honesty, now that he’s not upset about whatever argument he had with Nie Mingjue, he does realise that it was stupid of him to run away like this. He knows the mountains are dangerous, he’s grown on tales of people getting lost or falling to their death. And that’s without getting into the spirits and demons that live there, waiting for whoever will be foolish enough to enter their territory.

“I didn’t mean to worry anyone,” he mutters. “I just wanted to go out without being seen. I was just going to…”

“Tell that to your brother,” Nie Zonghui cuts him. “He’ll be happy to see you’re well enough to be running around. Although you might want to dress a bit more, because…”

Nie Huaisang dashes off without listening. He feels a bit wobbly on his legs, which tells him he might have been out for at least a day or two, but it doesn’t matter. If he looks a little pitiful, Nie Mingjue will be less angry at him for being such a mess of things.

When he enters his brother’s office, Nie Huaisang has the surprise to find that Nie Mingjue isn’t alone in there. There’s a stranger with him, the two of them chatting quite amicably. It must be what Nie Zonghui tried to warn him about. For a moment Nie Huaisang feels rather embarrassed to be seen like this by that very handsome stranger, his hair unkempt, wearing nothing but underwear and a hastily put on robe… but he doesn’t get a lot of time to worry. In an instant Nie Mingjue jumps from his chair and crosses the distance between them to hug him so tight it almost hurts.

“You little idiot,” Nie Mingjue huffs, sounding as if he’s fighting tears. “What are you doing up? Did the healer say you can?”

“I was bored and hungry and I wanted to see you,” Nie Huaisang retorts, glancing toward the stranger and wishing he’d go away. He has apologies to make, but he can’t do that in front of an audience. In fact, he expects his brother to make the young man leave. Their fights are always awful, but they’ve never not reconciled before, and they both get so tearful over it, which Nie Mingjue doesn’t want anyone to know because he has a reputation.

It’s a shock when Nie Mingjue doesn’t say anything to that stranger, and starts apologising anyway.

“I’m sorry we had that fight,” he grumbles. “I was tired, I shouldn’t have said that… A-Sang, are you ok? You had such a bad fever, I really thought… don’t run away like that again, you hear me?”

Nie Huaisang nods. He wants to return the apology, but there’s still that young man, looking at them with a fond smile, and it’s starting to make him very uncomfortable. He’d like some privacy, thanks.

“Who’s that?” he asks, nodding toward the stranger.

The young man frowns at the question, while Nie Mingjue pulls away from the hug to give his brother a concerned look. He even goes so far as to put his hand on Nie Huaisang’s forehead.

“No, the fever’s gone,” he says. “Huaisang, is this a joke?”

“Why would I be joking?”

Nie Mingjue glances behind at the man who looks just as puzzled as him, and frowns.

“Huaisang… that’s Xichen.”

His tone of voice makes it clear that the identity of the young man is very obvious to him, and should be obvious to Nie Huaisang as well. Intrigued, Nie Huaisang looks more closely at the young man, trying to remember if they’ve met before.

“Lan Xichen?” he hazards, judging by the embroidered ribbon and the pale robes, to which his brother nods.

It doesn’t ring any bells. If there’s a Lan Xichen in the inner Lan clan, then Nie Huaisang has never met him, never heard of him… which is very odd, because this young man seems barely older than him, so they should have been introduced when Nie Huaisang went to study in the Cloud Recesses. Besides, he’s sure he would have remembered someone that handsome, with features so similar to Lan Wangji’s that they could be twins. Not only that, but the quality of his sword and the jade token hanging from his belt mark him as being very high in the hierarchy of Gusu Lan, so really Nie Huaisang can’t imagine how he wouldn’t have taken notice of such a person.

“I was in the area and I thought I should say hi to Mingjue,” Lan Xichen explains with a warm smile, his voice gentle and pleasant to the ear. “I was told you had been unwell, but I’m glad you are getting better.”

“I don’t know how much better he is if he doesn’t remember you,” Nie Mingjue grumbles. “You’ve only been visiting me every other month for the last four years, and spent a whole damn year tutoring him in Gusu. Damn brat left his bed too soon. I’m taking him back and then we can chat some more, Xichen.”

Nie Huaisang blinks a few times, and takes a step back.

Something is wrong.

Something is very wrong.

His brother never speaks so casually to people outside their sect. In fact, even inside their sect, there’s only a few people he’ll talk to like this, mostly Nie Huaisang, Nie Zonghui, and a few other cousins close in age. Nie Mingjue doesn’t trust anyone outside of Qinghe Nie, and he does his best to keep his distance from others so nobody forgets to treat him as a full sect leader in spite of his youth.

Aside from that, Nie Huaisang might have somehow missed a Lan Xichen while he was in Gusu, but he would have noticed if the Unclean Realm had gotten such a frequent visitor for this long, and he certainly would remember if anyone had tried to tutor him last year.

“With your permission, I’d like to stay here until your brother gets better,” Lan Xichen offers. “My uncle’s business is dealt with so there’s no emergency, and that way we could travel back to Gusu together so I keep an eye on him. I know Wangji wouldn’t forgive me if I let his friend go alone after such an ordeal.”

Nie Huaisang tenses, his eyes going wide.

Nobody calls Lan Wangji like this except his uncle. Everyone else gives him a very polite Lan Wangji, or more likely calls him Lan gongzi, to show the proper respect and deference due to a future sect leader.

“Still can’t believe your brother took a shine to that brat of mine,” Nie Mingjue huffs. “Opposites attract can only go so far.”

Lan Xichen laughs, and it’s the most pleasant sound Nie Huaisang has ever heard in his life, but he barely notices it because he’s panicking.

Lan Wangji doesn’t have a brother. Nie Huaisang knows this for sure because it’d be kind of a big detail to miss about his friend.

Lan Wangji doesn’t have a brother, but Nie Mingjue apparently thinks he does, and that it’s this young man in front of them.

A young man who does look like Lan Wangji, down to the golden flakes in his eyes, but smiles as if the whole world makes him happy.

A young man who apparently gets along very well with Nie Mingjue, who is kind and considerate and who, judging by the way he keeps glancing toward Nie Huaisang, might have some fondness for him as well.

A young man who looks right out of Nie Huaisang’s wildest fantasy, but is apparently real and standing right before him.

Nie Huaisang feels his legs go weak under him, and has to grab his brother’s arm to avoid collapsing.

Make sure it gets better, he asked that forgotten god, handing them a list full of his wildest dreams. It certainly wasn’t what Nie Huaisang meant. All he’d wanted was to not die and go home and maybe not be scolded too hard, not this.

“Huaisang, what’s wrong?” Nie Mingjue shouts.

“His pulse is too fast,” Lan Xichen says, having come closer and grabbed his wrist. “He must not have been as well healed as it seemed… Mingjue, you have to make him lay down, I’ll got get the healers.”

In a daze and feeling darkness creep upon his mind, Nie Huaisang almost wants to laugh.

This is such a mess.

Also, apparently, he has a debt toward a god now.

[whereistheonepiece]

So @lesbian-space-ranger​ and I accidentally created a new Zosan AU that we’ve been talking about since last night. A note: half of this is me summarizing, half of it is pulled directly from Discord because Cas (lesbian-space-ranger) has such great ideas.

This is a long post. I don’t feel like putting it under a read more. So. Enjoy. Or keep scrolling. Either works.

So this post happened

These roles just came to me. Didn’t need to give it much thought because Sanji has the appearance and demeanor of a lead singer and I like the idea of him using his skilled hands to play piano at the same time.

I also watched the movie Rocketman earlier in the week. You know, that Elton John biopic. I adored it and it’s been heavy on my mind lately and I liked the idea of Sanji giving a high energy performance from the piano. (Sir Elton John’s music comes into play later.)

And as for Zoro, I find the bass and/or the beat the sexiest part of the music in a song and, naturally, I can see him rocking at either.

So I asked Cas if she had any other headcanons for this AU and this thing is too good to not share.

Yeah, so Zoro and Sanji are in a boy band with Usopp and Luffy. Luffy started the band. Luffy does guitar, Zoro is on bass, Usopp is on drums, and Sanji is on keyboard and vocals.

Nami is their manager. She works them hard and has taken a 40% cut of the profits because of the guys’ naivete and inexperience. But she’s why they took off. She booked their gigs at every venue she could manage, no matter how small.

They got their big break when Nami met Vivi, who’s a talent scout for the record label Baroque Works. Nami insisted that Vivi had to see the boys perform because they’re something else and Vivi’s heard that a thousand times, but she agreed because Nami is cute. Nami and Vivi are dating. Also, re Baroque Works: Crocodile looks like a sleazy music producer, doesn’t he? So does Doflamingo.

So Sanji is the pretty one, Luffy is the funny one, Zoro is the quiet/broody one, and Usopp is the smart one.

Zoro has a lot of deals with fitness brands, but secretly finds the famous life unfulfilling. This comes back later, so keep that in your back pocket.

Robin runs their social media. She’s so good at her job, running all of their accounts and tweeting simultaneously, you’d swear she had four sets of hands. Wink.

Franky does pyrotechnics/lighting.

Brook is their stylist.

Chopper was their first real fan. He and Zoro grew up in the same neighborhood and Chopper just always idolized him. He followed them before anyone knew their names. He was their hype man, saying encouraging things like "I know you guys are gonna be great!" He believed in them even when they didn't believe in themselves.

Usopp set up their recordings before they got signed because he’s savvy. And then Chopper would sell their crappy CDs. At these tiny gigs. Like coffeehouses and stuff.

Sanji can play keyboard because his parents forced him to play piano as a kid. They had this idea that classical music would teach him discipline and make him smarter. This is how he meets Zeff. Zeff’s your typical stern instructor, but he’s the first adult to ask Sanji what he actually wants and likes. Zeff sees Sanji’s not into it so he asks him what music he likes and Sanji tells him he likes pop, so Zeff gives Sanji a more rounded education. This includes Elton John because I say so. It did inspire me to put Sanji on keyboard, after all.

But other than being Sanji’s piano instructor, Zeff becomes the one positive adult figure in young Sanji’s life and he becomes something of a mentor figure for him. Zeff has a garden and he lets Sanji work in it with him. This garden is how Sanji gets his “little eggplant” nickname. Sanji pulls an eggplant out before it’s ready and it’s so small and pitiful and Zeff won’t let him live it down. Like, Sanji keeps in touch with Zeff even into adulthood and after he makes it big and he still calls Sanji little eggplant.

Zoro and Sanji are always doing that, "Kind of flirting, not really” thing on stage.  Sanji is always like walking up to Zoro on stage and acting like he's going to kiss him but pushing him away at the last moment. And it's this huge mystery whether they're actually an item or not. This comes from Nami. Sanji and Zoro have this natural chemistry with each other that leads to speculation and Nami, knowing how boy band fan bases work, saw dollar signs. But it’s not just pragmatism on her part; she knows that one cannot simply go up to Zoro and Sanji and say “You obviously like each other. You should date.” So she makes money and helps her friends find happiness.

Usopp has speculation going on as well. People are always confused as to who he’s dating. Tabloids keep being like "Usopp dumped Nami and is now dating Luffy!" "Luffy Scorned?" "Luffy ditches Usopp and steals his girl!" And they just think the entire thing is hilarious. They collect headlines. The answer is Usopp is dating Luffy and Nami and Luffy and Nami just become really affectionate with each other after dating Usopp long enough. Also Nami is dating Vivi, like I mentioned, and sometimes Nami brings her on as a plus one. 

Sanji and Zoro keep giving conflicting answers about their relationship status. Like they'll tell one person they hate each other and another person they're gonna get married someday. Sanji has to walk this fine line of being "in love" with all of his female fans and also "in love" with Zoro. Or not. Who knows? Like Sanji enjoys the attention but he really really plays shit up for his fangirls. This makes Sanji even more popular. Just picture pages upon pages of Sanji/Reader and “Zanji” fics on Wattpad. Nami is one smart lady. "I am the smartest, prettiest, most clever person alive."

Zosan getting together really is just a bunch of Fake Dating tropes. At first it really is just to get more press for the band. Nami schemes with Usopp and Robin to push them together. Robin's a social media genius and knows how to craft tweets and Instagram posts that fans will overanalyze. 

Meanwhile eventually Zoro and Sanji admit to each other they have actual feelings and one day Usopp finds Sanji sleeping in Zoro's bed, both of them completely tuckered out. But they don’t know Nami crafted this. They just come clean and hope she won't be mad and she's like, "Yes! Finally!" and they're like "What?" and she's like, "I've been waiting for you two to realize you have actual feelings. Did you really think I'd just use you for profit like that?" and they're both like "Yes" "Of course"

Zoro’s mad at her for meddling. Secretly he’s grateful, but he doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction and he’s yelling until Sanji grabs his hand and he just calms down.

And to bring Elton John back into the picture, just picture Sanji doing a cover of “Your Song” and uploading it online and thinking about Zoro. Naturally the comments are abuzz with people speculating that he’s singing about Zoro. And like. Onstage Sanji does his rendition and sends these small glances Zoro’s way, partially because he knows it’ll get the band a lot of attention, partially because that song is sweet and beautiful and it’s such a simple way to explain his feelings. (There is a reason why Moulin Rouge included it!!) I imagine this happens before they come clean to each other. Like, Zoro comes to him and is all “I keep thinking about that song you did...” And they go from there.

And eventually the band comes to its natural end. 

Usopp goes solo and flourishes, working as a songwriter and a producer. He wrote the band’s songs and he’s had a drum kit since he was, like, ten and he can make his own beats. He’s not the singing type (though he is good at it and could reach new heights if he came out of his shell), so he’s the kind of artist who makes the beat and then gets super famous pop singers to feature on his tracks. But he also writes songs for other singers and is so good at it and produces other artists’ tracks. I also like the idea that he’s taught himself to play multiple instruments, but he prefers the drums/percussion. He totally played percussion in school and was in marching band. I was in marching band for one year. I loathed every second of it, but I know he’d be phenomenal in drum corps.

Luffy isn’t much in music anymore, but he keeps himself busy. He’s something of an influencer, the kind of celebrity who gets paid to wear fashion brands’ clothing. He’s also Usopp’s trophy husband, living off the money he made off the band. Usopp grew wise to Nami’s antics and made sure he and Luffy would live comfortably for the rest of their lives, even if Usopp were to retire. Luffy also is secretly a Buzzfeed journalist because it’s fun for him to write these hit articles and people not know it’s him because he’s writing on this super bland pseudonym. 

And then there’s Zosan. They have a falling out after the band splits and go their separate ways.

Sanji quits being a professional singer because he’s tired of the prying into his personal life, but he still mentors and/or teaches. He has a string of girlfriends and finds no fulfillment in those relationships because the women are only interested in his celebrity.

And they aren’t Zoro.

Zoro tried branching off into commercials for fitness, but his heart wasn’t in it. He kind of takes up ranching on a whim and learns that he’s really good at it. He likes the physical labor, the quiet, being away from it all, nobody knowing his name. He doesn’t pursue anyone after Sanji because he feels like if it’s meant to be, someone will appear.

And Sanji does.

Sanji finds out where Zoro is through Luffy. So he makes his way to the ranch and finds Zoro and Sanji is all “Come back. I miss you.”

And there’s just a lot of soft Zosan content during Sanji’s visit. Sanji’s always been afraid of horses, but he’s not afraid when he’s with Zoro, and Zoro teaches him they can be gentle creatures, it’s just that you just have to respect them. (Ha. Get it?) Zoro takes Sanji on a ride and they go out and he takes him up the mountain and shows him how beautiful the view is. Sanji's watching the sunset and he's like, "Damn that's the prettiest thing I've ever seen." And Zoro is looking at Sanji and he says, "It sure is." And Sanji's like, "you're not... even looking." And Zoro's like, "No, I'm looking alright. Prettiest thing I've ever seen for sure."

More soft things like Zoro taking off his cowboy hat and putting it on Sanji. Them sitting by the fire, Zoro playing acoustic while Sanji sings. Whenever people see them they’ll ask them if they’re musicians and they share a knowing smile and say “Yeah. Something like that.”

And Zoro convinces Sanji to move out there with him. The others come to visit. Luffy and Chopper are obsessed with the cows and horses and the chickens. Luffy wants, like, eight pet chickens. Usopp is skeptical. Doesn’t believe Lu can look after a pet.

And it kind of ends there. It was us going back and forth, oftentimes out of chronological order, and so here I am putting it all together because it’s too good not to share. But it was a lot of fun.

[cynicalrainbows]

The Next Best Thing Chapter 17

In which Kitty Throws Hands (ok it’s not the main plot point but STILL.)

Anne calls in the middle of the evening, right before Catalina’s Castle can take her Knight.

(She does like learning chess. 

Mostly.

 It makes her brain ache sometimes too, but then every time she thinks she wants to give it up forever, she thinks about how Catalina very, very nearly lost that time and how exciting it was to come so close, and it’s enough to make her want to try again.

 It’s this- more than Catalina telling her about how good it is for her brain- that keeps her going.

 It also helps that Catalina is learning how to play too, and sometimes even has to quickly do a google search to remind her how the pieces move- which is very funny because even Cathy knows that Knights move in an L shape and that a Castle is the same thing as a Rook.

As well as not always remembering exactly how all the pieces move, Catalina’s also very open to suggestions on how to make the game more interesting. (Cathy wonders sometimes if it makes HER brain ache too, even though she’s a grown up.)

This why the Kings and Queens have little tiny crowns made out of silver foil from a KitKat, and the Pawns all have smiley faces drawn on them in silver Sharpie, and the horse’s belonging to the Knights nibble on little bundles of dry grass- gathered from the curb outside- when they’re back in their cardboard stable box after Catalina and Cathy are done using them.

She even agreed- during a game that was going on and on and ON- that maybe Cathy was right and that it WAS very unfair that Knights weren’t as important as Queens and that Queens weren’t as important as Kings and that maybe, given a chance, the two Queens might want to be friends rather than enemies.

 Cathy isn’t quite sure who won that game, since it ended in the two queens running away together to make a new life for themselves in the jungle of a potted plant- until she wanted to play another game and the Queens had to be coaxed back to their old roles and given a quick wash in the sink….but she thinks it maybe counts as a draw.

She’s sure that one day she’ll beat Catalina properly though- and Catalina agrees and says that she is Watching Her Back whenever Cathy makes a clever move….but she has a very strong suspicion she won’t be winning THIS game, which is why she doesn’t mind a bit when Catalina gets up to answer the telephone.

She knows from how Catalina says Hello that she’s talking to Jane and not Anne’s Mum (she sounds friendly and smiley rather than tired and maybe a tiny bit irritated) and that’s funny because Anne doesn’t often stay with Jane on Sunday nights and besides, Anne had complained at the sleepover that she’d already asked to go to Jane’s house and Anne’s Mum had said NO very crossly.

Apparently there had been some disagreement over Kitty wanting to wrap the rainbow laces for Anne’s new heelies by herself, when Jane’s Mum had already SAID that she wanted all the presents in the SAME PAPER, PLEASE because anything else would Spoil The Look and that besides, of course Kitty couldn’t wrap Anne’s present, she’d only make a mess of it, like she made a mess of everything.

She’d been half way through declaring that naughty little girls who whined and complained wouldn’t get any birthday cake AND might very well see the rainbow laces taken back to the shop when Kitty had started crying.

 She had been very annoyed when Jane managed to accidentally forget to send the rainbow laces to be professionally wrapped like she’d been told to, and she’d scowled when Jane had instead dropped them off- with Kitty’s rather shaky wrapping skills very much in evidence.

The whole thing had led to a tight lipped phonecall saying that since Jane was clearly incapable of respecting her boundaries and following a very simple request, it was probably best if Anne didn’t see her for a while (although she would of course allow Jane to take Kitty for the sleepover seeing as she’d promised Anne specially). 

This was funny- but funny peculiar, not ha ha funny, because Anne hadn’t even been the one to bring up Kitty not being at the party in the first place.

Anne had been sad, all through her party, at the idea of not seeing Jane for who knows how long- even though she’d looked happy.

 Cathy knows that when Anne is very, very sad, she makes herself louder and bouncier, like she’s trying to drown out the sadness in her head, and while it fools lots of grown ups into thinking it means that nothing is wrong at all, they only think that because they don’t know Anne like she does….but now Anne sounds properly happy on the phone, bubbling over with the story of her Photoshoot, which she sounds much more excited about now than she had that morning.

It turns out that Anna’s Mum had picked up Anna just after the Photographer had begun setting up and that Anna’s Mum had been VERY confused about how photoshoots work and had started saying silly things about how wasn’t Anne a lucky girl to have two lovely birthday cakes and all these presents, and Anne’s Mum’s lips had gone VERY tight when Anna had to explain- having being disabused of her own incorrect ideas by Anne’s Mum a quarter hour earlier- that no, it wasn’t really a cake they got to eat, just a pretend one.

And no, all the presents weren’t presents, they were just boxes wrapped up to look like presents.

And yes, Anne was going to play Party Games with the other girls when they got there, but that they were only going to play boring baby Party Games like Pass The Parcel and that anyway, they weren’t even going to play them properly, they were just going to in a circle to LOOK like they were playing so that the picture would look good-

Anne’s Mum had cut her off a bit sharply at  that point, and Anna’s Mum had frowned and then she’d given Anne a big hug and thanked her for making Anna’s time at her new school so lovely and that the whole family was so pleased that Anna had such nice new friends like Anne and Cathy and that they must both come to play whenever they liked, and that Anne’s Mum must be so proud of having such a kind, thoughtful girl and that she and Anna’s Vati had worried themselves sick over how Anna would get on in a new school half way through the term.

Anna’s Mum had apparently looked a bit confused and not really said whether she was proud or not- but it’s still nice, Cathy thinks, because it’s usually her who gets called Good and Thoughtful and Anne who gets called Boisterous and A Handful, and that’s really a bit unfair because Anne IS very good and nice and kind and everything else, just in a slightly different way to the way that gets you Gold Stars and pats on the head and Certificate of the Week.

Anne tells her about the little-girls-who-aren’t-her-friends coming and how some of them she knew and some of them she didn’t.

‘-and Patience brought her little sister because her Mummy said that the Au Pair had a day off, and Mum got annoyed and said we weren’t babysitting services, but only after they’d gone. When they were there, Mum said-’ Anne put on a Voice. ‘Oh how loooooovely!’ 

Cathy giggles. She knows it’s not nice to laugh at people for how they talk- she’d never, ever do it normally, and she even got made to stand in the corner at After School Club once for accidentally-on-purpose spilling her juice into the schoolbag of a boy who was being nasty about Bessie’s accent, but this is different.

(Bessie is in a different class to Cathy and at the time, she didn’t even know her name, just that the big boy was being nasty by repeating everything she said in a very exaggerated voice that didn’t really sound anything like Bessie’s own accent at all. 

Then one day she pointed her out on the playground and Anna said that she knew her a little bit because they both went to extra English lessons while everyone else was doing Art and that she leant her a rubber once and that she was nice and very good at doing quick biro tattoos when the teacher wasn’t looking. 

Cathy thinks maybe she should suggest that they ask Bessie if she wants to play at lunchtime- because even if she IS in the year above and therefore One of the Big Girls, having to stand in the corner facing the wall just because you broke a nasty boys Nintendo DS with orange squash is probably worth a biro tattoo or three.)

She knows it’s not nice to laugh at how someone talks- but it’s VERY hard not to laugh at how Anne’s Mum’s voice goes sometimes, and she’s isn’t sure it counts as nasty because it’s not even a voice Anne’s Mum can’t help, it’s a voice she does on purpose when she’s trying to sound like she’s happy about something when she isn’t and there are other people listening that she wants to impress.

They spend a couple of minutes trying to out-do each other with the most exaggerated ‘Oh How Lovely!!!’ they can manage, until Catalina gives her a Look and she hears Jane say ‘Anne-’ on the other end, and they subside, still giggling.

‘Did she end up being in the photos?’

‘No, Mummy said there wasn’t space and maybe she and Kitty could just play together quietly instead.’ Cathy can tell from Anne’s tone that she sort of wishes that SHE had been allowed to go and play instead of taking photos.

‘Oh.’

‘She wouldn’t let me wear my new shoes for the pictures!’ Anne sounds very aggrieved. ‘She said I was being naughty on purpose but I WASN'T, she told me to put on my best shoes and they ARE my best shoes. But she meant my boring shiny ones instead.’ Anne huffs into the phone. ‘They don’t even have wheels-!’

‘Was taking the photos fun?’

Anne starts giggling again. ‘It was really boring- Ingrid and Harriet just kept on showing off their new dresses to each other like always and Blessing started going on about how she had a bigger pretend cake for her birthday, and the photographer talked to us like we were babies-’

Cathy wrinkles her nose. ‘That doesn’t sound fun-’

‘Yes but you know how Patience’s Mummy sent her sister?’

‘Yes.’

‘So Grace- that’s the sister- and Kitty were meant to play together while we did the photo bit and Mummy made them go to the playroom so they wouldn’t be in the way and then just as the Photo man was trying to make me hold hands with Ingrid for the stupid picture, there was this SCREAMING from upstairs and everyone ran up to see what was happening and -’ Anne gulps an excited breah. ‘There was BLOOD EVERYWHERE!’

Cathy gasps. She isn’t sure if this is meant to be a good thing or a bad thing. 

She’d usually think it would be a bad thing except Anne sounds excited rather than sad and surely she wouldn’t be happy for anything really bad had happened to Kitty, because for all that Kitty annoys her sometimes (especially when she plays with Anne’s special grown up toys or takes up all of Jane’s attention or tells tales to Mary on her), she knows that Anne does really like having Kitty to play with and misses her when she isn’t there. 

After all, it’s hardly worth having grown up special toys if there’s no one to admire them, and games like Vampire Barbie and Jungle Explorer are hard to play on your own and even things like watching cartoons is less fun when you don’t have someone there to act out the best bits with.

(Not that she really minds- she quite likes how peaceful Catalina’s flat is with just them, and she never got lonely back home with Mum and dad….but she also knows she might feel differently, if she was Anne, with a Mum who snaps and a Dad who shouts into his phone and Mary always busy with Baby Catherine and no Catalina to talk to or tell her stories or give her cuddles. 

She’s actually really, really very grateful she isn’t Anne sometimes, when she really thinks about it.) 

‘Blood!?’

Catalina sits up very straight in her chair and looks at Cathy quickly, her newspaper dropping onto the floor and her eyes going all wide and anxious.

‘Yes! Everywhere! Kitty bit Grace’s FINGER off!’

‘Oh!’ Cathy can’t believe it- has Kitty really been hiding her wild animalistic side all this time, while just pretending to be scared of things like the Ocado man and the sound of vacuuming?

(Is she going to have to be careful when she goes over to play in case Kitty takes a fancy to HER fingers?)

As she’s wondering, she hears Jane say ‘Anne!’ again in a warning voice, and Anne comes off the phone for a minute and when she comes back, she’s a bit more subdued.

‘Did she really bite it off? For honest true and not lying? Cross your heart?’

Anne hesitates. ‘Well...she COULD have done. That’s what Mummy kept saying- she said Kitty was being just like a wild animal!’

‘But did she?’

‘Nooooo….’ Anne admits reluctantly. ‘Maybe not alllll the way off-’

Cathy realises she’d better check something. ‘And was there really blood everywhere?’

‘Yes!’ Anne sounds insulted. ‘Everywhere!’ She pauses. ‘Well, on her finger anyway. I think. Probably. I couldn’t really see, she kept fussing and whining and everyone was in the way-’

(Cathy decides not to point out that being Anne’s best friend since Nursery means that she has witnessed plenty of scraped knees, trapped fingers and trodden-on toes and is Anne really in any position to judge anyone for not being stoic in the face of pain when Cathy saw how she reacted when her wobbly tooth came out in Assembly?)

‘But she got BITTEN Anne!’

‘Yeah but. Only by Kitty. Kitty isn’t scary.’

This is true. (At least, she thinks it is.)

‘Why did Kitty bite her anyway?’ she wants to know. (Honestly, biting isn’t a very Kittyish thing, as far as she’s concerned.)

‘Oh-’ Anne is obviously less interested in the hows and whys than Cathy is. ‘They were playing Cats- Grace likes cats too- and she kept making her cat talk and Kitty kept saying that cats couldn’t talk and then Grace snatched Pink Kitty and said that she was too stupid to know how to talk-’ 

Anne starts giggling again. ‘And so Kitty bit her. Mum was really embarrassed because she wanted to keep going with the photos but the photographer kept stopping because Grace was making such a fuss and asking if she was sure she was ok and shouldn’t someone get a plaster.’

Cathy can believe this. Anne’s Mum is a big believer in seeing things through to the end, which is why Anne had to keep going back to ballet class, even though she hated it, until the teacher politely suggested that maybe ballet just wasn’t for Anne.

‘He got some sweets out of her pocket and gave one to Grace to make her stop crying. And Patsy.’

‘Who’s Patsy?’

‘Patience. I talked to her because it was our sisters fighting. She’s not that bad actually.’

‘Didn’t she mind that Kitty bit her sister?’

‘I don’t think so. I don’t think she really wanted Grace to come anyway- she said she gets tired of having to look after her all the time. Anyway, Grace scratched all down her face so they’re even now.’

‘Are they both ok?’

‘I think so. Grace stopped crying when she got a sweet. Kitty didn’t but that was more because Mum said she didn’t deserve one.’ 

Anne sounds a bit put out.

 ‘All the other children got a sweet too. But I didn’t get one even though it was meant to be my birthday. And then everyone went home. And Mum shouted at Kitty. And Kitty cried again and said she wanted to go back to Jane’s and then she ran away and hid under my bed and wouldn’t come out, even when I tried to pull her.’

‘Was she ok?’

‘Mary said she was going to call Jane because she was worried, but then Mummy called her first. She said we were both absolutely impossible and she was sick of the pair of us and-’ Anne’s voice, which had begun quite normal and cheerful and happy actually trails off a bit, and Cathy can understand why. 

It can’t be nice to hear your Mum say things like that to you, especially near your birthday.

‘Anyway, Jane came to get us and now we’re here instead!’ Anne perks up again. ‘And we’re going to have my birthday cake tonight rather than next week, and she said I could pick any colour I wanted for the icing!’

‘What did you pick?’

‘Green, obviously.’ Anne pauses. ‘Kitty doesn’t get to have any til tomorrow because she’s in trouble.’

‘For biting?’ Cathy feels a bit sorry for her. Biting is bad but Jane’s cakes are really, really nice, even though they’re not special cakes in lots of layers.

(They don’t have writing on them either. But sometimes tells Cathy that if they did, she’d definitely write Anne’s name with an E.)

‘Uh-huh.’ Anne lowers her voice. ‘And she said that if Kitty bit Grace because she couldn’t play nicely with Pink Kitty, then she wasn’t going to be allowed to have Pink Kitty for a while.’

‘Really?’

 ‘Yep. For ages. For YEARS!’ Anne pauses. ‘Right up until bedtime anyway.’

‘Oh!’ Cathy is privately impressed by Jane- taking Pink Kitty away from Kitty just as she’s started to use her TEETH seems very brave.

‘I’m not allowed to tease her about it though because that’s mean and it won’t help her remember to not do it again.’ (It sounds oddly like Jane talking but with Anne’s voice.) Anne breaks off suddenly. ‘You’re so lucky Cathy, Catalina never gets cross with you.’

‘She does-’

It’s not really true though, she knows it even as she says it.

She hasn’t really seen Catalina get cross much at all- rather than shouty cross (like Anne’s Mum), Catalina just gets very, very calm and very, very firm and when Catalina has That Look, Cathy knows she can argue until she’s blue in the face- or maybe even just a bit pink- and she’ll still never ever, win.

(She does explain things though. She NEVER says ‘Because I say so’.)

Having Catalina tell her she isn’t allowed to do things- or that she has to do things, even if she doesn’t want to- felt very strange at the beginning. Not just for her- Catalina looked a bit surprised at herself the first time she told Cathy that she wouldn’t be allowed to watch television if she didn’t settle down to do her homework properly, like it she wasn’t used to hearing things like that come out of her own mouth.

It’s easier now than it was though, even if Catalina is annoyingly stubborn- even when Cathy timed herself perfectly so that she was coming into the living room at the start of Coronation Street (which she knows Catalina really likes), Catalina still turned off the tv the moment she came in.

‘Nice try mija, but no.’

She hadn’t seemed cross when she said it though, and she’d still let her take a turn helping to peel and chop and stir the dinner and kissed her goodnight like normal.

She wonders if it’s a bad thing that she hasn’t seen Catalina properly cross yet.

(She wonders what Catalina Properly Cross would look like.)

‘She does get cross-’

(She says it a bit quieter- she doesn’t really want Catalina to think she’s complaining about to Anne. But Catalina is very much engrossed in a crossword so that’s ok.)

‘She doesn’t, not properly!’ Anne doesn’t say it like it’s a good or even a bad thing, just as a statement of fact, something she isn’t really all that interested in but observed anyway. 

‘Anyway, really why I’m calling is because the cake is nearly ready and Jane said I could call and ask if you want to sing happy birthday. You can share the wish if you want too. Since I already had one.’

‘Yes please!’ Cathy’s never heard of birthday wishes working by proxy like this before, let alone sharing a wish, but there’s no way she’s going to turn down a wish so freely offered, even a half of one. ‘How do we do it?’

‘I’ll tell you as I’m about to blow the candles out and we can wish together-’

Catalina joins Cathy to sing happy birthday down the phone to Anne and then gives Cathy back the phone so she can wish at the same time as Anne.

Anne asks what she’s wished for while Jane is relighting a candle for Kitty to blow out too.

‘I can’t tell you! Or it won’t come true-’

‘Oh-’ Anne sounds dismissive. ‘That’s not true-’

‘Isn’t it?’

‘Nope. I wished for a lizard that can change colour-’ She breaks off. ‘I need to eat my cake now- Jane says we can bring you some at school tomorrow if you want.’

‘Yes! Yes please!’

‘Ok, see you at school-’

Cathy’s still saying goodbye when the phone goes dead but she doesn’t really mind since there’s birthday cake to be had.

‘Did Anne end up having a nice birthday?’ Catalina asks, putting the paper down and stretching.

‘Uh huh. Kitty bit someone’s finger off-’

‘Really mija?’ Catalina raises a disbelieving eyebrow and Cathy blushes. 

‘Nearly.’

‘Hm.’

(She can’t understand why grownups are so distrustful of everything-)

‘Bedtime in half an hour querida.’

‘Ok.’

It’s what she always says- and suddenly she thinks back to what Anne mentioned earlier.

‘Catalina never gets cross with you.’

It occurs to her, not for the first time, that she really hasn’t seen Catalina properly cross yet. She’s thought she might a few times- but it’s never actually happened.

She wonders for a moment, just out of curiosity, what would happen if she said ‘No’ rather than ‘Yes’- and kept saying no, kept pushing past the point of sense or reason?

She isn’t sure.

She isn't sure if she wants to know or not.

Catalina smiles at her as she goes into the kitchen and she smiles back.

‘Ok mija?’

‘Yes.’

(It isn’t really a lie.)

[justlookatthosesausages]

‘Emergence’ - an interactive fanfic

=======

CHAPTER 8

=======

"Are you sure that I won't damage it with the spikes of my boots?" Worried Anna.

Elsa looked down to Anna's feet and saw how careful she was when she stepped. She chuckled. "It's gonna be alright. It’s a good thing Kristoff gave you those mountain boots. I'll fill the holes if you make some, don’t worry."

"I don't want to ruin the deco", smiled Anna, looking around.

She was constantly exhaling smoke, which highlighted the fact that she had been jaw-dropping since they entered Ahtohallan an hour ago. The redhead's wondering eyes were sparkling with amazement, looking up, down, around, admiring every little detail of the glacier, and every detail that Elsa had added in the walls, every light the magic ice had, every layer that made Ahtohallan.

"This place is really huge."

"You've only seen a third of it so far." Smiled Elsa.

"Really? Waow."

"This place is ancestral. Several millennia old. I think I could spend each minute of my life trying to see all of it in every detail and still miss some."

"It's so beautiful."

"I think so too." Smiled the blonde.

They had arrived to a pit, which Elsa usually crossed by jumping on pillars for fun, so she crafted a stair case for her sister and her to go down.

"So it goes lower and lower..." Noted Anna.

Elsa saluted her cleverness. She liked how Anna always was more brilliant than it looked. "Yes. The more we go in the past, the deeper it gets."

“I see. It’s both a metaphor and literal.”

Her voice echoed in the tunnel they were walking in hand in hand, and Anna had fun with the sounds.

“ECHO! ECHOOO!” 

She suddenly stopped. “Wait, this place isn't going to crumble, no?"

Elsa cackled with laughter. "No. It's very solid, trust me."

"Phew." Exhaled Anna. Then she resumed to her cute game of echo.

And her giggling voice instantly vanished the minute they arrived in a room with giant pillars, and a triangular entrance at the end. There were four lozenges with the elements symbols on them, and Anna forgot to breathe for a second because of how gorgeous it was. Elsa chuckled when the word 'gorgeous.' escaped her younger's lips.

"You like it?"

"Those pillars... That must have taken you forever to put them in place..."

Elsa smiled. "Only a few seconds, actually. I just moved them around."

Anna stared at her like the goddess she was to her eyes. "Is there anything that you can't do?"

The Fifth Spirit smiled at the compliment, and gently nudged her forward.

"Make you go faster, for instance. Hurry up, I want you to arrive to the memories room before your face gets completely numb by the cold."

Anna nodded. The temperature in this room already felt like a strong winter in Arendelle, and she could only imagine worse for what was coming.

She passed the triangular hole, almost breaking her neck as she looked at how big it was when she stepped in, and she gasped when she saw what was on the other side. 

=======

“It’s a dome”, informed Elsa, helping Anna out with her words, for she had completely lost any notion of vocabulary since she entered the bright white room of memories. 

Anna looked down with a flabbergasted expression. “How high is it?”

Elsa shook her head with wide eyes. “I have no idea.” 

She lifted her arms, taking in the whole place around them, her voice echoing. “You said the other day that I have the soul and skills of an architect... Well, if I started estimating the size of this room, I’d loose my mind.” 

“Is it infinite?” 

“No, not quite. It’s magical, with its own physical properties. It has rules that I still have to comprehend.”

“It’s really funny to see your nerdy personality mix passion towards science and magic”, Anna laughed, her breath appearing in little clouds of smoke. 

Elsa smiled, but Anna’s steam made her smile vanish again.

“Are you okay? How is the temperature?” Worried Elsa. 

“I’m fine. I swear. It’s like I’m stepping into a very cold winter day.” 

The Fifth Spirit stared at her, clueless. 

“That means I can handle it.” Clarified Anna, chuckling. 

“Okay.”

Anna got back to admiring the statues of memories, and she stopped in their walk to look at some moving ones from people she knew. 

Elsa smiled at her reactions and kept going. There was some humidity in the air in one spot, and she recognized it as being recent memories. She turned it into ice statues with graceful moves of the wrists. In a swirl of snowflakes, three new living memories added themselves to the collection, slowly moving around. 

The first one represented Kristoff, Anna and herself laughing loudly around the campfire as they were drinking hot chocolate. The third one was the rolling hug Elsa and Anna had made on the hill when they reunited. And Elsa blushed when she saw the second one. 

Standing in front of her, the two statues showing herself and Honeymaren kissing deeply put her in a deep state of embarrassment. She had seen Anna and Kristoff kiss each other a thousand times, and now that she was in question, she felt that she should look elsewhere. Her cheeks felt like burning, and she couldn’t help herself but watching how Honeymaren’s arms hugged her, and how her hands passed through her hair. They actually were kissing vigorously, and Elsa turned at her sister in panic to make sure that she hadn’t seen anything.

Hopefully, Anna was looking elsewhere, standing dozens of meters away and giggling at a memory of a young Kristoff getting licked in the face by a baby Sven.

Elsa sighed of relief, and lifted her hand to reluctantly shatter the statue with her magic. Then something prevented her from doing it. Deep inside her, a feeling begged her to let it there. Elsa stared at the statues, slowly turning around them, and a soft smile stretched her lips. She knew what that feeling was. Pride.

She was lucky, she knew, to have all her family accepting her and supporting her for who she was. A woman who loved women. And she knew that she would forever be grateful. But right then, she realized that she started to be grateful for herself. To have found her way, to have found the right person, to have allowed herself to be this happy.

A delight shiver passed through Elsa, as she stared at the statue and the way the two figures embraced. Even if the ice was never really detailed in the frozen memories, the blonde smiled when she saw how beautiful Honeymaren looked as she kissed her. They both had closed their eyes when they kissed mutually, so she didn’t know how tender and sweet she actually looked.

At the thought of the word ‘sweet’, Elsa remembered the joke that Honeymaren had made about her nickname, and chuckled. She still couldn’t believe how perfect the Northuldra was to her. She was kind, funny, yet they shared the same burning level of sarcasm, and she was caring, and…

“What are you laughing about?” Asked Anna, who had heard Elsa’s chuckle echo in a crystalline way in the chamber.

“I, uh… I found a memory of us around the camp fire, from the other day.”

The Spirit just had to turn her head left to pretend that she was staring at another memory. She clenched her fist in a dear hope that Anna wouldn’t come to her to see what she was talking about, and was glad to see that her younger preferred to continue her exploration of the spot she was walking through.

Time passed - which was such an odd thing in a room filled with memories from all ages slowly moving around - and Elsa was happy to see some good memories again. She appreciated to come in Ahtohallan every so often and bump again into warm memories of her past.

She walked past another memory of Hans, and grunted before vanishing the statue away. Didn’t she have destroy them all? Apparently not. She turned to Anna, who was looking all around her.

“This place truly is magical”, gasped Anna, admiring.

“Well, yes.” Snorted Elsa.

“Don’t laugh, you know what I meant.”

“I think it’s awesome too.”

The redhead smirked, and she kept walking. “Hey, look! It’s us!” She suddenly exclaimed.

Elsa joined her, and noticed a memory of them from two years ago in a sled race. They laughed together at how focused they were to be the one who wins. 

Anna commented another memory, and another, and Elsa’s heart melted at how much joy Anna was exhaling, and she shared her happiness to be there. 

After a while, Anna came back next to her elder. 

“There’s not like, everyone in the world in here.” She noted, admirably pointing that out already on her first visit. “Are those selected memories?”

Elsa nodded. “They’re only memories that are relevant to me. Not all of them are directly linked to my own past. It also features some elements from others’ pasts, that can help me.”

Anna smiled and nodded too. “Speaking of… “Helping” you…” Said Anna, doing exaggerated gestures of the fingers. “Now is the time we probably should ask… Them… or it… Why you got those flashes.“

“Yes.”

Anna cleared her throat. “Uh... O, Ahtohallan...” She said, her voice strong. 

She then swiftly turned to her sister. “Is that the way to do it?” She whispered. 

Elsa had to bite her lip not to laugh. “That’s a bit pompous... And there’s no need to speak up.”

Anna grumbled. “We should have done a rehearsal or something.” 

She cleared her throat again. “Could you, uhm... Could you please tell us why you sent those visions to Elsa?”

Anna’s voice echoed in the memories chamber. Only some distant sounds of memories filled the silence that followed. 

The redhead looked around, and shrugged to Elsa. 

Then suddenly, something in the air changed, and both sisters felt it. The room seemed to transform.

=======

The chamber of memories changed its appearance, and Anna jumped of surprise as the ice statues seemed to disappear as the light dimmed. Elsa knew what it meant. Ahtohallan was about to plunge the room in the dark, to cast memories on the walls, like the very first time she had came in. The blonde smirked. Was her sense of staging and drama something she got from the magical source? 

Anna looked around with a bit of panic. Elsa knew that she was claustrophobic, so she turned to her with a smile. “It’s gonna be okay. Just stay still and look.” 

The younger nodded silently, and suddenly she saw something behind Elsa that brightened the whole place, and lit up her eyes in every meaning of the term. Elsa twirled around. 

A memory of Iduna had appeared, and their mother was around the same age than the last time Anna had seen her alive. Elsa smiled tenderly, happy to face her again, but was used to see her wide and clear on the surface of the giant wall. Anna, however, let out a gasp and put her hands on her mouth, deeply emotional. 

Elsa came next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. 

“I understand your worry.” Said Iduna’s voice, maternal and strong. 

Her voice vibrated in the room, until their very souls, and echoed in Anna’s ears like a melody she thought was long gone. She gulped, and her eyes looked at every inch of her mother’s face, amazed to see her again.  

The memory suddenly blurred and changed, now turning into one of Gerda.

“Though you have nothing to be scared about”, said the maid in a reassuring voice and a warm smile. 

She was bending forward, like she was talking to a small person, and it was clear that the memory was from Anna’s childhood. It was from when she had scratched her knee after playing with her bike indoors. 

The memory switched, and now Agnarr was facing them. 

“It will be alright.” 

Anna gasped when she saw her father, letting out a big puff of smoke, and her lips trembled. Elsa passed a hand against her back, soothing her. She knew how overwhelming it could get to see their parents. She was used to it now, but for Anna, it was intense and incredible. Elsa let her cry, remembering how she had sobbed the first time she experienced the memories room. 

Anna’s eyes danced as she looked at the wall, watching every detail of the memory as her father’s voice echoed all around, just like she did for her mother. 

She understood the process now. Ahtohallan being a magical entity, it didn’t have a body, and therefore spoke through the voice of different people across different memories. It was very clever, and the redhead would have admired the concept if she wasn’t completely paralyzed by the fact that her parents had just appeared in a giant projection in front of her. She felt soothed to hear their voice again, but her soul was torn apart. It was a good thing Elsa was standing for real next to her, protective and warm, otherwise she would have lost her mind.

“Not too far or you’ll be drowned…” She thought. “No wonder, given how tempting it is to just be carried along and dive into the past…”

Ahtohallan continued to give the explanation through memories, switching from one to another.

“You often doubted…” Said Olaf.

“That you would never…” Said Mattias.

“See each other again.” Said Gerda. 

Anna was taken aback, and Elsa’s jaw dropped. She turned to her younger. “What are they talking about?”

The redhead was speechless. She knew that Ahtohallan knew everything, but didn’t expected the truth to hit this close to home. 

“Your biggest fear...” Continued the magic source, now using a memory of Kristoff. “...is to lose her.”

Elsa’s eyes widened, and she stared at the memory of Kristoff. This was a recent memory, she could tell. A very recent one, maybe even less than a week old. And she was shocked by both the memory in itself and what Ahtohallan wanted to highlight. 

All color had left Anna’s face, and it wasn’t due to cold. She realized, little by little, that all of Elsa’s visions had happened because Ahtohallan wanted to reassure her on the strength of their relationship. 

“You have nothing to fear.” Assured a memory of Iduna.

“You’ll always have each other.” Stated now Agnarr, smiling.

Elsa nodded, and smiled tenderly when she remembered the night their father had told them that. It was just after the bed time story where he had introduced them to the forest. They were so little… And it was still true. They would always have each other. 

Anna sniffed, nodding to her father, or rather Ahtohallan. Elsa held her close and put her head on hers, and Anna naturally cuddled against her. Her eyes didn’t leave her father’s face. 

The memory switched again, and this time is was Mattias again, but younger than the current version they knew of him. He was gazing over the forest. 

“The two ends will always be united...” He smiled. 

Both sisters dropped their jaws at what Ahtohallan meant, and smiled. They tied their hands together. 

The colors of the room changed when the outside setting turned into an indoors one, mainly red due to Arendelle’s castle wallpaper.

“You have the right to have doubts” Said a memory of Kai. “It’s not because you’re Queen that you must be sure about everything all the time.”

Anna was shocked by the truth of those words, especially since it was the second time she heard them, the memory obviously belonging to her. Elsa smiled tenderly at how wise Kai was, and how nice it was of him to have told her that, probably in a moment during the past year where Anna lost some faith in herself.

Elsa’s hand tightened her sister’s harder, and she gave her a nod.

“They’re right. It’s okay if you doubted about us.”

The switch from one memory to the other stopped, and all moving images around them seemed to stand still in the dome. Elsa lifted her head. 

“So, each vision happened because you wanted to remind us that we’ll always find each other? Always unite and find each other?” She asked.

“Yes”, echoed Ahtohallan, using Iduna’s voice - though it could have used anyone’s with such a simple answer.

Elsa smiled, touched. She bowed her head respectfully. “Thank you. For showing us. I mean, you only could show me, but I’m happy you did, as I shared it to Anna.”

Speaking of, the redhead was lightly trembling next to her. When Ahtohallan’s voices vanished slowly now that they had finished talking, and that the room returned to its initial state, the elder turned to her sister.

“So it was all because of you…” Muttered Elsa.

Anna felt devastated, her eyes filling with tears.

“I’m so sorry, Elsa, I didn’t know…”

The blonde lifted her eyebrows. “Oh, I’m not reproaching anything. I’m just concluding.”

Anna’s closed lips trembled at her elder’s kindness. She sobbed a bit before blabbering.

“But… This is all my fault. I didn’t mean… It didn’t want to make you have all those flashes and visions and to prevent you from sleeping, I…”

She started to hyperventilate - which was rather painful in such a cold place - and Elsa rushed to put her hands on her shoulders.

“Hey hey hey, Anna, it’s okay. You didn’t do it on purpose. And I’m not resentful. Remember that I trust Ahtohallan no matter what, and even if it was their entire act, I wouldn’t have felt upset.”

“But… But…” Muttered Anna, crying even more.

“But nothing.” Smiled Elsa, holding her face and rubbing her younger’s tears with her thumbs. “It’s fine.”

Anna powerfully embraced her sister, her face buried against her shoulder. The blonde wasn’t surprised by the brisk hug, but missed a heartbeat anyway. Anna cried and cried, all the fear and stress of the past week getting out. Elsa cried a few tears as well, touched by her feelings.

It was a tight hug despite Anna’s multiple layers of winter clothes, and Elsa could still feel her trembling. She knew she wasn’t shivering from the cold. Anna was crying, ashamed and emotional at the same time.

The room beamed in its beautiful white light again, and the memories statues continued to move around, their soft sounds echoing under the dome. But the most important sound to Elsa’s ears then, was the one of her little sister sniffing against her.

She held Anna against her, warmly and calmly, soothing her by passing her hand along her back.

“Anna… Now I get it. You were scared, and Ahtohallan perceived it. But it’s okay. And I’m okay with it. You surely didn’t want to talk about it because you were afraid of what I may say. Well, just know that I understand.”

The younger didn’t stop trembling as she was holding to her elder. Elsa closed her eyes and murmured to her ears in a lulling voice.

“I’ll always be there. With you. We’ll always be together despite the distance, okay? Look at how this past year went. It’s been good, no?”

Anna nodded against her shoulder with a sniff, and clenched her elder harder. Elsa didn’t think it was even possible, and got her lungs a bit crushed by it, but accepted the strong embrace. Anna was overwhelmed by everything that happened, from the apparition of her parents to the emotions that had burst in her chest. She needed a warm hug, and Elsa was gladly giving it.

Time passed, and the Fifth Spirit was unable to tell how much. Actually, she didn’t care. She preferred to make sure that Anna was letting go of all her sadness, and all her fears. After a while, the redhead parted from the hug and sniffed one last time, rubbing her nose. She then blinked with a frown and cleaned all her face with energetic moves, determined to be strong.

“I’m okay. I’m done crying.” She stated, clearing her throat.

Elsa melted in a smile, because she knew that Anna also stated this for herself. 

“Was it good? Do you feel better?” Asked the elder.

Anna nodded strongly.

“Great.” Smiled Elsa.

The redhead looked around, and Elsa wondered if she wanted to leave, or change her mind by walking through the memories again. She knew that the face Anna was making meant that she was thinking about a question, so she let her talk at her own rhythm.

“Can I ask you something?”

Elsa smiled. “Anything.”

Anna nervously looked down before staring at her elder. “Can we come back here more often? Together?”

“Of course, Anna.”

She put a hand on her arm. Anna remained silent, and Elsa bent her head, trying to understand her mood.

“What do you want to do now?”

Anna bit her lip. “Can we... Can we go back to the camp?”

Elsa smiled with a nod. “Yes. I agree, it’s a lot to take in. We can come back another day.”

“Thank you. For this, and the memories, and everything.”

“You’re very welcome.” 

They walked out of the room in silence.

Elsa looked up at the white magical ceiling as they left hand in hand, and smiled, like she gave a ‘sorry for that’ and a 'thank you’ message to Ahtohallan at the same time. Before exiting the room, Anna also turned in gratitude. 

=======

Anna gasped when they stepped down the entrance stairs.

“Waoh, this is so weird now that we get out... The wind here is fresh, but it’s still warmer than inside the glacier.”

Elsa closed her eyes and hummed the salty smell of the sea. That was something she liked to do after visiting the memories room.

Anna unbuttoned a part of her coat, and took off her beanie. 

“Well, that was an experience. That’s not something I’ll forget, that’s for sure.”

The elder smiled. “I suppose nobody forgets their first time in Ahtohallan.”

“What now? Do you call Nokk?” Wondered Anna.

Elsa just had to lift her hand towards the Dark Sea, and like if their minds were connected, the water horse appeared out of the waves. It trotted cheerfully on the surface, and Elsa smiled before gently touching their forehead with hers. Their whole body froze with a beautiful sparkle, their mane turning to crystals. 

When Elsa stepped back, the Spirit looked at her with expressive eyes, and the blonde chuckled. 

“I’m okay. We’re okay. Those were just happy tears.”

Anna frowned, surprised. 

“They know we’ve been crying?”

Elsa petted their nose. “Well, tears are water, no?” 

There was a silence, and Anna just stared at them two. This didn’t explain anything, and even brought more confusion. What, does the horse also know when people are thirsty? 

Elsa was about to mount the Spirit, and Anna jumped forward. 

“Hey, uh...” 

The redhead bit her lip with a smile, looking at Nokk. Both Elsa and the water horse looked back at her, confused. 

“What?” Asked Elsa. 

“Can I...”

“You want to ride them? Be in front?” 

Anna nodded with a grin. She looked like a 5 years old child, and of course Elsa couldn’t say no. 

“Nokk, what do you think?”

The Water Spirit stared at Anna for a moment, evaluating her. They trotted around her and the Queen held her breath, feeling like she was observed in every way. Her mouth in a thin line, her eyes followed the horse as it inspected her mood, her body, her intentions. After a few seconds, it neighed - which, in the Spirit style, sounded like a whale song - and jumped around. 

Anna let out a gasp of relief, and smiled. “I was afraid it would say no.”

Elsa was standing still, her jaw dropped. “They always say no to Honeymaren”, she muttered. 

The Queen didn’t hear any jealousy in her tone, but she was surprised anyway. “Wait, what? Really?” 

She carefully reached for their neck to caress it. It was an odd sensation, like passing a hand against a breathing window. “I get a preferential treatment?” 

Anna giggled as she continued to pet him, and they looked like they appreciated her touch. “Good boy...”

“Not a boy”, warned Elsa. 

“Oh, yeah. Well, good horsie!” Smiled Anna. 

“Uhm... Technically, they’re not a horse either, but I won’t get into details.” 

Anna wasn’t listening to her, too busy petting the horse with a kissy pout. “Yeah, you like it, uh?” 

“Anna...”

“Hm?”

“Please stop, this is embarrassing.”

“Oh, come on. You want me to believe that you’re respectful to every Spirit and treat them as equals?” 

“Well, yes!” Frowned Elsa, not very fond of the way Anna was muttering ‘good horsie, good horsie’ in loops. 

Her younger gave her a side look filled with sarcasm. “Have you ever seen yourself petting Bruni?”

Elsa blushed. That was a strong counterpoint. 

“It’s... With Bruni, it’s different! He’s... He’s cute, and...”

Nokk turned to her vividly with offence in their eyes. 

“No, wait, it’s not what I meant!” Gasped Elsa. 

“Ooooh, look at that. You made them jealous.” Smirked Anna. 

The Water Spirit was famously susceptible, and moved their mane in a dramatic way. Elsa knew the situation was doomed. The horse snorted, vexed. 

“No, of course not!” Assured Elsa, and Anna wondered what he had just said, or rather which emotion they just shared. “I’m sorry, Nokk, that’s not what I wanted to say. You know I don’t.”

Indeed, the Spirit felt in her that she genuinely cared, so they forgave her. However, it didn’t take away any of the drama, and Nokk kept snorting and turned to Anna. Elsa dropped her jaw.

“Oh, come on now. You can’t be serious.” 

“What did they say? What did they say?” Asked Anna, excited like a gossip fan looking for controversy. 

Elsa put her hands on her hips. 

“That if I’m not happy, I can still go back to the shore on foot.”

Anna burst with laughter, her head wiping back. The Nokk joined in the laugh with a happy neigh. 

“Okay, haha, very funny.” Squinted Elsa. 

“They’re right, you know. You can just run. The sea is calm today.” 

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” 

Nokk neighed and bumped her shoulder in affection. Elsa smiled tenderly. 

“Yes, let’s go. Anna, do you need help to mount?” 

“I’m good, I’m good”, groaned Anna, her voice distorted by effort as she tried to get on Nokk’s back without slipping. 

Once she was in place, and that Nokk and Elsa both made sure she was comfortable, the Fifth Spirit jumped behind her in one swift move. 

The water horse didn’t need any order or indications, knowing the way back to the camp by heart. It started to position in front of the sea, and waited for Anna’s signal. 

“Are you ready?” Checked the Queen, putting a hand on Elsa’s, who had them around her waist. 

She heard her chuckle in her ear. “Go slowly at first if you don’t want to slip out, you excited dork.”

“No chance. I like fast.” 

She firmly indicated to Nokk to dash forward, and the two sisters crossed the waters with shared laughs. 

=======

This was an emotional chapter! But filled with happiness as well. I really wanted to have this balance of nostalgia and humor, keeping it all in-character on how would Anna react within the walls of Ahtohallan. 

Thank you so much for your feedbacks and compliments and reactions so far, folks, they truly mean a lot! <3

(If you like my style, you can check out Untangling the Frozen Knots, my 140K words fanfic novel! :D)

[percabeth4life]

The Sea Scroll

First Chapter || Previous Chapter || Next Chapter || AO3

Another more choppy chapter, they’re covering about a year a piece right now, just giving you an idea of what he’s doing and how his powers are coming along, plus showing the other little things that change.

Hope you enjoy!

++++++++++++++++

Triton didn’t come often, Percy might not see him for weeks at a time. But he did come back. Always. He wasn’t super talkative, but he was surprised the time he was gone for a month and came back to see Percy able to make a dome around him to walk into the water.

Percy asked him if he was named after the Greek God Triton (his mom gave him some audio books on the myths, they were cool). Triton seemed to find that funny but didn’t answer.

Percy worked hard to master the tricks that Katara had used.

But he was running out of stuff to clean up in the river. The water still ran dirty, from the other parts of the river. But there wasn’t much stuck in the dirt and most of this area of the river was clean.

Unfortunately, it was the only part of the river that was hidden from view. He didn’t know what to do about this issue.

Triton was no help the time that Percy asked, just said that Percy should focus on improving his skills, said he needed to learn how to use a trident.

Percy didn’t get Triton. He seemed to focus on weapons a lot.

Percy still let Triton teach him how to use a trident though, one Percy made out of ice.

It only took him a week to figure out how to shape it. It was very weak at first though.

Percy was getting better at making the ice sturdy, now it could take a few hits.

++++++++++++++

It was nearly summer. So Percy no longer needed his warm jacket. He hid it in the back of the closet, so Gabe wouldn’t find it.

The air was grown warmer again, and Triton seemed busier.

He didn’t really explain his job, but the fish called him prince and lord, so Percy figured he was an important merman.

Percy kind of missed him when he was gone though, he was Percy’s only real friend.

Plus, Percy had gotten expelled again.

Triton had been unimpressed, but for once not with Percy.

Percy was expelled for pulling the wrong lever over a shark tank. But the guide had pointed him to the lever. Triton thought they ought to fire the guide.

Percy was glad Triton sided with him. He was a good friend.

++++++++++++++

Triton said he would be really busy for a while. But he didn’t want Percy to slack off.

He gave Percy four scrolls, they looked really cool.

They were also written in a language Percy didn’t understand and only had a few pictures.

Triton also gave him a dictionary scroll when Percy said that.

Apparently, they were written in a language of the sea. Percy was expected to be able to do basic conversations in it by the time that Triton got back.

Percy now had lots of summer homework.

Yay.

+++++++++++

Percy was starting to figure out more fighting tricks for his waterbending, making blades of ice and controlling them.

He could perfectly control up to six at once right now, and more shakily control up to fourteen.

He was determined to get perfect up to twenty.

He was getting a better sense for the water, it had been a year since he figured out he was a waterbender. With a master like Katara to emulate, and not much else to do, he’d improved pretty well.

He still couldn’t control things nearly as quickly or instinctively as Katara, but he would get there. Practice makes perfect.

++++++++++++

The scrolls turned out to be really interesting, and the language was actually really easy to understand. Percy didn’t know why, but he wasn’t complaining.

The language felt natural, like he’d always known it and just hadn’t realized. He didn’t even need the dictionary after a few weeks.

He wasn’t sure he was pronouncing them right mind you. But he was sure Triton would help with that.

The first scroll talked about sea etiquette. Apparently it was very different from land etiquette, though Percy didn’t know much about that either.

Apparently merpeople don’t bow, they place their hand a certain way, twisting their fingers in different ways depending on the rank of the person.

And the tails have meaning too. The sleek ones are merpeople with weaker magic, but more strength. The sleeker it is, the less magic. The more flowy and pretty and patterned the more powerful they are in magic, but also slower and tends to be weaker.

Triton has a bit of flowyness to his tail, so he has some magic, that’s so cool!

He wondered what kind of tail he would have if he were a merman.

…

He’s gonna make a tail out of water.

++++++++++++

Making a tail out of water didn’t work.

It was very disappointing.

++++++++++++

Percy decided that summer was nice, even if Triton wasn’t there.

He had more time to practice his control over water. He was also getting to work on his ice control more. It took a lot more work to make the ice in the summer, and more focus to keep it frozen, but he was managing.

Ice was the best for fighting, so he wanted to get really good at it.

He wished he’d practiced more snow stuff in the winter, that was bad planning on his part.

But his ice was doing pretty good, so next winter he’d practice with the snow. He was going to be the best waterbender ever!

++++++++++++

The second scroll was Percy’s favorite.

It talked about the magics of the sea.

The Siren’s song was so cool! Percy hoped he could learn it someday, he was a waterbender and all, that’s practically of the sea, right?

There were some really cool magics.

Purification, that would really speed up cleaning the river. It was on Percy’s list to learn more about.

Speaking of, he made a list, waterproof, of everything he wanted to learn more about. The sea was so cool!

Anyways, Percy really liked Purification. It can clean basically anything. Get rid of grime and dirt and pollution. It was also apparently a super hard to learn magic. Most that could use it channeled the power into sand dollars.  Which Percy thought was super cool still.

Then there was healing. Like what Katara could do.

Percy was determined to master that.

Maybe he should start trying? He wasn’t sure how. Maybe wait till Gabe gets angry with him again then try?

Well, controlling the sea currents was cool. Apparently more advanced and bigger in scale and not something he’d be able to learn for a while.

He paused looking down at the river.

…

Well, river currents would be easier right?

…

Yeah, he should try that.

++++++++++++

So, controlling river currents is hard.

He’ll probably need a lot more practice before he can do that reliably.

…

Or at all.

…

Yeah, he’ll come back to that.

Anyways, next on the list of magic types…

Prophecy. Apparently, a lot of the oracles and seers were from the sea. Nereus being a well-known one. That was cool.

Then… Siren’s song.

Viewed as the most powerful of all the magics because it’s singing that controls people and the strongest singers can even affect nature.

That sounds cool.

…

Would he need singing lessons for that? He should learn that, it might be useful.

Okay, so maybe he wants to learn everything.

He wonders if he’d be any good at the magics. Well, he’s gonna try regardless.

He’ll ask Triton for more books on sea magics.

++++++++++++

Trying healing wasn’t fun in the end. Gabe got mad when Percy brought less money back that day.

It didn’t end well for Percy.

He limped back upstairs, then turned to the shower.

His head was swimming from the hard hit that Gabe had given him. Maybe some water could help?

He turned on the shower and almost fell over taking his clothes off.

The instant recovery from stepping into the shower was shocking. He watched quietly as his blood spiraled down the drain.

Well, at least he knew he could heal.

++++++++++++

He moved on to the third scroll.

Ugh, history.

At least he can read this. The letters don’t move around so it’s already better than English.

He reluctantly read through the history, at least until he realized that it was practically fantasy.

Like, it was super dry, but also really interesting if you ignored the boring phrasing.

The different merpeople grouping and sectors. How they fought each other and argued over land. How Poseidon, king of the seas, had to constantly interfere in the fights to stop all out wars. It was super interesting to read about how the different merpeople worked together and fought each other.

He thinks its pretty similar to on land with all those countries fighting each other, but more interesting cause it’s in the ocean and fish fight too.

One of the big generals in one of the wars was a shark! And an octopus was recognized as one of the most vital spies. And even minnows got praise for their help in one of the wars, the war of the Perlisn Caves.

Percy really liked this history.

Why couldn’t land history be that interesting?

++++++++++++

Percy decided to try to ask the beings he saw sometimes if they could bring more trash towards him.

It was… something.

They disappeared whenever he tried to approach, and whenever he tried to talk to them, and whenever he so much as looked at them.

He had to get clever.

He tried sending a note to them, using the water, they ignored it.

He tried leaving out cookies with a note beside them. They were left untouched. That was insulting, he’d made them himself, he’d even left out the blue dye!

He went to the bottom of the river. Apparently, he can breathe underwater… Who knew?

That was fun to find out and distracted him for a good three hours.

He finally got back on track, he arranged some trash in a message. Hopefully they see it.

He came back the next day to see that the river was back to being absolutely filthy. Right back to where he started.

He rolled up his sleeves, he could do this.

++++++++++++

The fourth scroll was stories. He thinks they’re children’s stories. They’re really fun though.

He really likes the story of the mermaid that became human because she was betrayed. The poor mermaid.

She became really powerful later though. He thought it was sad but cool. She didn’t stay human, she was amazing.

And the merman that fought the sea serpents of the deep in order to save his love the prince of the southern seas was so cool! He was so brave and they really loved each other.

He really liked the story about the young mermaid that escaped from the evil older mermaid keeping her prisoner, then catching the eye of the princess and of one of the generals.

They all fell in love and ended up defeating the evil older mermaid who tried to overthrow the kingdom. It was so cool. They’re so loyal to each other. He really enjoyed it.

The stories were really fun, he wondered if there were more?

Reading was actually enjoyable when he didn’t have to figure out which letters went where.

Maybe he could write his notes in the language of the sea? Did it have a name? He should probably find that out.

++++++++++++

The summer was a lot of cleaning. He managed to do it a lot faster now.

He knew more about controlling the water, plus he could breathe underwater now (could he always do that?) so he didn’t worry about going under so much.

Though the filthy water was a bit hard to breathe in, it wasn’t nearly as bad as he thought it would be.

Almost like the water was cleaner just around him than everywhere else.

…

OH!

Okay, so maybe he could do that purification stuff. He just had no idea how it would work.

That was good to know at least.

He continued to clean.

++++++++++++

Triton came back near the end of the summer. Refused to talk to Percy unless it was in the language of the sea, apparently called the Halmaheran language.

Cool.

Percy was getting better, though Triton had to correct his pronunciation sometimes still.

He liked it, it was nice to share something with his friend. Even if Triton acted really weird when he’d told him that Triton was a great friend.

++++++++++++

Triton asked when Percy’s birthday was.

He was annoyed to find out that he’d just missed it, it was a few days before he’d come back. Percy was nine now.

Triton didn’t return for three days.

++++++++++++

Triton got him a present!

Well two presents, to apologize for missing Percy’s actual birthday.

He asked if Percy had had a celebration. Percy said no, he didn’t have any friends to celebrate with but Triton. And anyways, smelly Gabe would never have allowed it. His mom did make blue cake though!

Triton seemed angry again.

Percy ignored it for now and opened the presents.

His eyes widened.

He now understood, thanks to the books Triton got him, what the significance of a sand dollar was in the sea. It held powerful purifying power.

Triton had gotten him two.

He’d treasure them.

Percy carefully put them back on shore, tucking them into his bag. Then he opened the next gift.

He tilted his head. It was a necklace.

It had a piece of coral shaped like a conch shell hanging on the end. That was cool.

“I had something more for your birthday planned, you’ll get another charm for the winter solstice.” Triton sounded displeased, but Percy was delighted.

“It’s okay! I love it!”

Percy put it on.

Triton seemed a bit happier then.

++++++++++++

Percy sighed as he stared at his new school. Hopefully this one was better.

Spoiler: It was not better