#im keeping mom afloat! im paying for everything

[lavender---sunshine]

💖 Had my first car cry today besties 💖

[fraldarrius]

really, really hate that i even have to make another post like this, i’ve been putting it off as long as i possibly can, but things are getting pretty dire again and i don’t really have a choice anymore so here we go again

basically, my mom and i are extremely broke and we’re barely staying afloat right now—i STILL haven’t been able to find a job despite looking literally every day and applying for everything that seems even remotely tolerable and won’t make me want to ✨unalive myself✨, so i’m still only getting what i get from unemployment. my mother nearly died in november from sepsis, she spent three weeks in the hospital, and after that was receiving multiple visits a week from extramural nurses since she was sent home with a picc line in her arm for meds. she’s well enough now that the picc line has been removed, but she can still barely walk (the infection that caused her sepsis originated in her foot—she’s severely diabetic, she’s already had a toe amputated because of this and nearly lost her whole foot this time) so working is out of the question, and she’s also relying on unemployment for income. neither of us are making anywhere near enough to completely cover our bills, though, we’ve both been forced to pay things late/put the absolute smallest amount of money possible on bills just so we can like, y’know, eat 🥴 because it’s winter, our power bill has been absolutely insane, like. as of the bill we got last month, it was nearly $1400, and i expect we’ll get a new bill sometime this week that will probably put it around $1600 at the very least (our power bills have been like $400 a month, and i’m pretty sure we only managed to put like $200 on it last time 💀). we are not the only people living in this house, which is why it’s so high, but we’re also the only people paying because the other people who live here are deadbeats, wastes of space, etc., not gonna get into that rn. our internet bill is also extremely high, high enough that i’m genuinely scared to check the exact amount, and i’m seriously shocked we haven’t been disconnected yet. on top of this, my mom and i both carry a lot of debt from loans/credit cards, so that eats up a shit ton of money every month that we just end up having to use again on groceries and other necessities literally because we can’t afford not to, so it’s a cycle that never ends 🥲

additionally, my unemployment runs out next month, so basically, if i haven’t found a job by then and have all the debt that i have right now, im ✨screwed✨ lmao. mom still has plenty of time left on her claim, thankfully, but if i don’t have any income we literally will not have any money to eat. i wish i was joking but i’m not. so i’m once again swallowing my pride to ask for help, because i don’t have any other choice—if anyone is able to help us out at all, we will be so beyond grateful. anything i receive will go toward our bills and to paying down some of the balances on my credit cards so that, if i’m unable to find a job before my unemployment runs out or soon after, i’ll at least be able to keep us fed.

i know this is tumblr and most of us are broke as hell, so please, please do not feel bad if you’re unable to donate anything—all i ask is that you reblog this to hopefully get some more eyes on it, because that’s super helpful in its own way.

i’m going to make a separate post with links to ways y’all can donate, since tumblr loves to hide posts that have links in them from search results 🙄 i’ll pin it so that no one has to go searching for it

thank you in advance, we’ll literally appreciate any help more than any of you know 🥺

[judehatesmaths]

My mid class crisis of this semester:

I'm literally crying.

I think I've been pushing this thought a lot back, but now that I have my first in person midterm exam in uni, it's kinda exploding on my face. I feel so bad, and unmotivated, and confused, and i hate every course that im taking except for one but even for that one even if i pay attention so much that i understand the topic and participate in seminaries, even then I fail the virtual exams.

I've felt like this almost since I began studying this, only anatomy saved me last semester and kept me afloat and that was my only motivation, but this year and semester.... There's nothing. And now. I have this big exam tomorrow evening and the only path I've got is to cram all night today and hope that i pass (which i don't think i will).

Watching and listening to my classmates and some of my friends enjoy so much this career and seeing them thrive (not just survive) in the courses is just so bizarre to me, and it makes me sad bc (i hate how selfish this sounds) that should've been me. I was almost top of my class all during highschool, had straight 20s (the highest score in my country) in classes like biology (which i loved in school, it was almost my favorite subject) and chemistry, i never studied (never needed to and never learned how to) and felt that medicine was what i really really wanted to do.

...then we go to uni and all my dreams are crashed. I barely pass biology by 2 points, chemistry is torture too, i hate everything, i hate the doctors who are teaching. My friends kinda feel the same, but theirs is different, they don't think of quitting as much as I do, or nearly as daily as I did (do).

The thought of quitting gives me so uncertainty, i am not sure even if if I quit what would i study. I always joke about wanting to study Poli sci, but do I? What if i just get stuck in another never ending cycle like with medicine and end up hating it too? Maybe i will hate the courses there too. Plus maybe I'm too old, people will look at me. Is it too late? Have i wasted 2 years of my life? And all the people I'd let down if i quitted, my mom who had to make such an effort to pay for uni, my grandparents who are so amazed and happy about me studying medicine.

I think about the last one a lot.

Part of me feels as if studying medicine gave me a sort of intellectual superiority (it's dumb ik) but. Everytime I meet someone and they ask what I'm studying, i say med and fuckin hell, they're amazed, entranced, by how I'm studying medicine and idk, i don't wanna let do of that feeling even if it's stupidly selfish of me.

Also. I left this in drafts for about 2 hours bc i had genetics kahoot and dude I love that subject, its keeping me afloat and i did good and only missed 2 questions out of 22. I don't feel like crying anymore, but I'll probably do when I start studying. I think what I'll miss the most if I quit is all the people that I've known bc even if they tell u you can still stay in touch, it's not the same. I'll miss hanging with them, planning to stay in campus to study, going out for coffee or food, idk that stuff. I don't wanna let go of the familiarity that this major brings me.

To be fair, i have these career crisis almost every semester (so 3 times almost bc 3 semesters have passed) but this one is the one that hit me harder and made me actually cry. My counselor who is also a psychiatrist told me that this was the hardest semester and that these courses were the most ugly, but then it would get better. Maybe i should believe her; it's almost what happened to me the first semester, second semester came and it was better and i felt better. I didn't feel amazing, and in love, but it felt better yk.

Idk what I'm hoping to achieve with this post, just getting my thoughts out of my head (I don't think I've ever done that) and hope a little venting works for me.

Anyhow, too much of my feelings xd

[captain-of-the-roses]

Hey I know spending money on strangers is the last thing on anyone's mind right now with the upcoming Holidays but if anyone can spare a few bucks that would be amazing

Im so so so sorry to ask this but we need around $1000 to help our puppy. There's something wrong with three of her teeth that makes it difficult for her to eat and has been causing her a lot of pain that we can't stand watching her go through.

We've already lost two pets from this pandemic due to being unable to pay for a vet appointment until it was too late. None of us could bear to lose another.

Here she is:

(Gray cat is Boots, Callie's best friend)

Callie is the absolute sweetest dog. She's a pug boxer mix. She loves her snacks and playing around, and she's even careful with the cats. Callie keeps my grandmother company and is almost like her emotional support pet, especially after the death of five of Grammy's cats + Naomi. Callie also protects us kids no matter the situation (including the occasional teasing from Pappy despite him never hurting us).

But we just don't make enough money

Mom is working at Olive Garden to pay for necessities and food and Pappy working 60+ hours a week is barely enough to keep the house afloat. Grammy's disabled and has bipolar depression so she can't work, and Dad spends the entire day homeschooling me and my siblings while doing chores and cooking while dealing with depression. None of my siblings or I can even work to help all being minors. Me and my sister being in and out of the hospital and needing medication hasn't helped things in the least, either.

So please even if you share this that would help so so much. We just can't lose Callie after everything that's happened. Again, I'm so sorry to have to ask this of any of you

[sirenofthetimes]

i feel like my biggest deconversion roadblock is like, the amount of lucky breaks ive had throughout my life

like i moved to a foreign country with $30 USD in my bank account and survived 2 months without being paid for my teaching assistant job and the very little money my parents were able to give me

flash forward to when that job ended and i had to move, i was struggling to find a new place and i found one literally at the last minute on facebook, and when that place turned out to be fucking terrible i found another one at literally the last minute. and ive been primarily keeping myself afloat through freelance jobs, some of them coming in right when i need to pay rent.

(and if you're wondering why i don't just go fucking home, my parents are broke too and i think returning to the us during the uncontrolled spread of a pandemic makes less sense than staying put and continuing to look for work in a place where it's still bad but not as bad)

ANYWAY my mom keeps insisting to me that these are all miracles, and god is keeping me afloat, and the fact that my faith is actively disintegrating is because satan is trying to convince me that god isn't real despite the fact that a lack of belief in god often necessitates a lack of belief in satan

and for the most part im like there are logical explanations for everything that's happened to me, people more pious than i are suffering and people less pious than i are prospering, life is chaotic and random and all we have is is the community we make and the choices in front of us

but what if

[evafvck]

hi hi cuties!! my name is angie and i cant wait to plot with all of your beautiful faces. i love it here already. let’s get littty titty up in here oh yeah.

[ Camila Mendes.  twenty one .  cis female  .  she/her/hers  ] just saw EVANGELINE GOMEZ dragging their suitcase up the steps to CABIN #1C  .  good luck living with HER ,  i hear that that they’re HARD HEADED  ,  COMPETITIVE  ,  ALLURING &  SYMPATHETIC  .  Apparently they’re a BASE on the cheer team  .  let’s hope the upcoming season doesn’t affect their JUNIOR year of ANIMAL SCIENCE   [ a  .  22 .  she/her/hers .  est ]

so here are bullet points about eva and her life!! like this if you wanna plot yayay

tw: familial death, cancer, verbal abuse

so eva grew up in a very religious latinx family

she always had to be top of her class and excel at everything she did to make her parents proud 

her father was diagnosed with cancer when she was 5 so she was immediately hit with the reality of life and death in the world

he ended up passing away when she was 10

thus her mom worked to keep their family afloat

when eva turned 15 she picked up a job to help her mom with finances for the house, food, etc

she even started storing money away for college

when she was 16 her mom met another man that soon became her step dad and eva and him did not get along

he tried showering her with money but she didn’t buy any second of it and hated the way he acted, showering his mom with affection but ignroing her and trying to buy her off with money

the only good thing eva got out of him was that he would pay for cheerleading

she would constantly go to cheer practice after school and spend hours at the gym since she hated going home when her step father was around. it would always lead to no good or sometimes even verbally abusive fights between the two

eva resented how her mother was oblivious to it and chose the man over her own daughter

as she continued to train she discovered hollis and knew she had to go. it had an incrdible cheer program and she wanted to rise to the top to get her mother’s attention again

her freshman year she joined the cheer team as a base and exceled in everything she did. im talking cheer, being active in clubs like student government, and getting As in all her classes

this was when she finally began to get attention from her parents and thus she would stop at nothing to get her mom’s attention

her sophmore year Eva began to experiment in college trying alcohol for the first time and drugs and loving the feeling it gave her

she felt free and loved it

she began going out to parties, having sex, and just living her best college life while maintaining all her academic life

this is when she dropped sga because she realized she could focus on cheerleading, rise to the top and have a killer social life

now junior year she’s captain and is so proud of her accomplishments and her team

she acts like she has the best home life and puts on a pretty innocent happy front

she doesnt like people knowing about her hook ups and personal life but if youre close to her you know

she will squash any and every rumor about her or anything that may tarnish her good girl image

she’s a v v hard worker and hates losing

she will flirt with you 

alright this was a lot but hit me up to plot yayay excited to start hehe

[flawlessruby]

my old post about this kind of died so im making a new one rip

and i absolutely hate making these personal posts but i gotta. so my mom is still doing her treatments (which she is responding to!) but it takes a huge toll on her body and mental health. she still is unable to go back to work (and who knows when she can) so its just been me and my dad trying to keep everything afloat. and well, i had to stop going to my therapy appointments just to have enough money to help pay these hella medical bills. im doing all i can and im trying to stay strong for my mom because thats all i can really do.

if you dont wanna use the link, i have a paypal also

paypal.me/rubyrooth

please signal boost!

[i-had-a-dream-that]

I was with my sister in an RV driving down a twisted fictional runoff road of the highway. I had merged off the highway and onto the old bridge which was mostly made of rotted wood and barely enough metal bars underneath it to keep the car afloat.

The wood stops showing up at one point and im driving on the metal bars that are separated like train tracks. Another car is going the wrong way and is coming at me on the same metal bars and I don’t merge away from them because there is no wood. They barely skirt away from me and I start yelling to my sister about how I’m not going to move and how ill die before running myself off the road for others.

I get to my “house", which is an old house, and everything is facing the windows and door. I sit there for a minute until a friend comes to the door. He and I play around and have fun and then we head to his house. We immediately head to his stairs which start with a flat wall 6 ft up and has two types of stairs, regular on the right and swooped and swerved on the left. He gets up easily and I have to struggle up because of the weird layout by climbing on the chair.

At this point I realize it’s my reoccurring dream from a different angle. My friend is the second brother from a hispanic family of 3 kids, 2 sons and the youngest kid is a daughter who goes missing. The mother uses her magic to try to 'find' her daughter but she doesn’t get anything. I do mine in front of her, which is dipping a chain of any kind in salted water and pull the bottom through the center and fold repeatedly from the inside out until it crumbles and spells out words. This bends the metal and changes its color to highlights of gold and mostly rust. The mom keeps talking it down and calling it fake and the older brother is actually watching it and the younger brother (my friend) is beside me smiling.

I ask allowed “Where is Maria?” because I remembered the mother knew where she really was and that in the past, Maria was my friend - not her brother. The metal starts to twist into a sentence. It said “at 12 pm basement you know well" I tell the mother as much that her daughter is in her basement and she denies any claims as her son gets upset at her for not even letting him check. From the last time I had been there, I remember that she and her brothers wanted to kill her daughter as a sacrifice to a creature so they could be rich.

I go outside to get into the basement and all of the mother’s brothers are  sitting at the table on the porch (the backyard is a beautiful sandy display with plants flowering all over and around the pool but is decorated dia de los muertos style because of the holiday around a walking path that connected the house to the sidewalk that leads to the road) they passively threaten to kill me repeatedly, to the point where I go back inside and stick around the oldest brother for safety when one of them stands up. I start showing the older brother how to do as I did with the chains. He didn’t seem like he was paying attention because he was so sad about his sister's disappearance but i ask him to help me anyways. As his finally starts spelling out a word, I wake up.

[montagnewitch-blog]

hi welcome to chilis!!! i’m liv, i’m 17, in the pst and tbh i’m terrible at fully developing characters lowkey so i’m just gonna wing this! i love plotting so pls jus like this or hmu and i’ll slide in ur dms!! im super stoked to get started!!

zoey deutch. ––––– was that noah montagne i just saw in new orleans? the 23 year old witch? apparently, they are not here for the crystals, but who knows? they’re known to be adroit & dauntless, but don’t let that fool you, because they can also be cunning & reticent, so keep an eye out for them; you never know who you can trust.

big sarcastic asshole who can’t take really anything seriously

actually a very talented and gifted witch, she just spends 88% of her time dickin around

a lil bit of rosa diaz, a lil bit of gina linetti, and a lil bit her own ya know

more of a self taught witch bc she gets it from her mom n she was raised by her father who has no magical capabilities of her own

super cynical

(tw: substance abuse!!) her dad kicked her mom out when she was little bc her mom had some pretty bad substance abuse issues

her dad loves her and she loves him he means everything to her he’s the only person she loves in the world

struggled a lot growing up, her dad worked a couple jobs so they could stay afloat

got a job as soon as she could to help her dad pay for things, so she’s kinda been working most of her life

tends to get mixed up in the shady supernatural shit and does everything she can to protect her dad

currently a waitress/bartender

idk other stuff probably that hopefully will come to me

hmu and we can get to talkin and plottin!!

[eddiepfloyd]

“When I’m Alone”

When I’m alone in my room,

I sit and stare at the wall,

And in the back of my mind…. I’m fucking terrified

To the world I’m a nobody,

To my world I’m somebody,

A friend, a lover, a cousin, a brother, a son, and a father,

I’ve shared my laughter but not much of my pain,

So to my love ones this may come as a bother,

I have a question.

What is the conversation your mind has when your alone?

mines is fucking scary,

That’s when my insecurities are most relieving,

Its also the most life reminiscing,

There is a whole lot that’s missing,

Sitting here 30 years old and I miss my father,

No he’s not dead he just didn’t want to be bothered,

Now he reaches out but there’s still doubt,

Does he want to be a father for me or is to rid himself of guilt,

Basketball was the 1st love of my life and we got divorced before we ever got married,

My highest level of play was high-school and then local parks,

I worked hard on my game and was kind of good but was it enough to leave a mark,

Never played college so had no chance for the pro’s,

Still have dreams to play but I’m told its to late… I’m old,

I watch the NCAA tournament and NBA every year,

And every time I watch it takes everything in me to hold back tears,

There’s an internal break down that takes place but the pride in me wouldn’t allow me to be that vulnerable,

Then there’s the fear of failing my boys as a father and becoming just like mine,

So I bust my ass to be the best father I can but to some it isn’t enough,

It never gets easy it just keeps getting tough,

Gain weight over the years so I’m not feeling to healthy,

I don’t trust doctors so I feel like when they tell me I’m fine its lies,

The doctor doesn’t know me personally so why would he care if i live or dies,

Whether I live or die he gets paid,

Not just feeling physically unhealthy but its mental too,

Voices in my head telling me death is around the corner,

Live life no because you don’t have much longer,

but how can I live when I’m broke,

Im working but barely afloat,

Your fat, you’re not healthy, not matter what you do you’ll never be the old you,

Scared to go to sleep because I’m scared I wont wake up,

So I pray everyday and kiss my Jesus piece every night and beg for another day,

Wishes of being a kid again because that’s the last time I felt apart of a family,

Me and my sister on my mom side grew distant,

The sister on my dad side was almost nonexistent,

Had to find them on Facebook to keep in touch,

Never met my older brother I’ve only talked to him once,

Called him, texted him and even left him a voice message,

4 years later him still waiting on a response,

been fucked over by friends and family and I’ve probably fucked over friends and family,

if I have I swear I didn’t mean it and I’m sorry,
I just want to love and be loved but mentally I’m bugged,

I’m paranoid when I’m alone,

its like the devil has control,

like he has control of my body and thoughts but the lord has control of my faith and heart,

a change is coming I but battle with the question.. am I ready?

in college to pursuit my passion for writing,

but who am I? who would care about my writing?

who would read my story?

Not to mention I have to pay my student loans back,

Education is more expensive then the yearly expenses,

Ten years of rent probably wouldn’t add up to one year of college tuition,

Life scares me but I’m fighting everyday to survive,

My mind thinks of things I shouldn’t think of and it scares the shit out of me,

so I hate to be alone I need people to occupy my mind,

I asked myself… Eddie are you scared to die or scared to live?

And I got to answers,

Scared to live because of family and friends,

Scared to die because of my sins,

Afraid of success because of the people that feel I may owe them something,

Scared to die because the devil may feel I owe him something,

My soul.

Noooo you can’t have it,

But I ask, would God grab it,

Will God expect me and open them pearly gates?

I guess time will tell so I have to believe in him and fate,

These are some things my mind thinks of when I’m alone,

Have you every asked me what I’m thinking?

Well now you know.

[daydreaameeer]

So glad 2018 is over.

There was so much heartache that I did not realize it until I was able to reflect on what happened that year. I finished up my junior year of college & lost two scholarships. I did not know if I was able to pay for rent or keep up with my car payments or my credit card payments, but somehow I stayed afloat. I don’t know how but I prayed that everything would be okay. The only person who knew what was actually going on was my mom & she told me that everything was going to work out. I don’t know what I would do without her honestly. I felt like I lost motivation and I didnt know what my goal was anymore. I had no intention to do my best. I fell off the wagon, I guess you could say. I was ashamed to tell anyone, I was ashamed of myself because I wasn’t able to keep my grades up. I felt like I failed myself. I was so mad at myself for losing focus & not taking school serious when that should have been my only focus. Then more drama came, not with me, but with family. It was devastating finding out what we did & how it all started. I don’t know how or why but honestly it almost broke the family. We did our best to stay strong & I think this bugged me more than I thought it would have. It’s just sick when you really think about it. I probably cried more than I ever have this year. It was overwhelming. To start a year as a family & end the year missing a few people reAlly hurts but what can I do. I wish it were easier to see the bigger picture but it’s not. I just miss them. It’s not the same & I hate it. But they have made it clear that they don’t want us in their lives. That’s what hurts is that we only wanted to be there for them despite everything. I also lost some friends along the way thinking that our friendship would last a lifetime, but it didn’t. For people to go behind your back & keep secrets from you aren’t people you want to surround yourself with. I thought their character was better, but i was wrong. Even though it’s easier to think about all the bad that has happened, I did have a good few highlights to the year. I started my senior year & managed to pay for rent & my car payment for the semester without asking for help. It was a tight budget but I was able to do it. It was stressful. I was also given the opportunity to work as an undergraduate researcher working with essential oils as an alternative to antibiotics. It is an amazing experience & I will continue to work with my mentor & peers for my last semester. I am learning a lot & hope to use that information in the future. I was able to travel to Boston Massachusetts & Syracuse New York for medical conferences that have given me a network of people to guide and lend me advice for my future endeavors. I was very grateful as both trips were fully paid for. I also managed to keep my grades up this semester & not receive one C. That was a main goal of mine & im super happy about it. I also have grown a lot closer to my bestfriend this year & im very grateful for her. I wouldn’t have gotten through a lot of things without her being there. I’m happy we got to see each other more this year & make memories that well remember forever.

2018 was definitely a roller coaster, I don’t know how I got through it.. but I did. Let’s hope 2019 is better & filled with happier memories & more success!!

[marspup]

my mom did find my weed and she threw away all my shit including my vape and the quarter ounce of weed i bought yesterday and my bowl and grinder and just everything and she is super pissed at me. i fucked up so bad but i just had no idea she would be taking the car from my work. like i thought i was being pretty careful but i didnt fucking know she would take the car without a even warning me beforehand. i am just not going to be able to smoke anymore which is awful and is going to make my life even more hellish. this is awful. i dont even know what to do i am like not processing it. and she just threw so fucking much of my money in the garbage. like as tho i didnt hate my life enough now the one thing keeping me afloat is gone. i am making the same amount now as i did when i lived in new york and rent is cheaper here. i could move out if i really wanted to. but the security of being at home and not paying rent is keeping me here. and my mom is constantly saying i should live here longer and longer to save up money because otherwise i am just throwing my money away. she keeps saying i will never be able to afford to finish school on my own and she wont pay for my school unless i keep living here. she thinks im going to be making $10 / hour for the rest of my life and she gets offended when i say i dont like living here. my biggest problem tho is that i cant smoke weed here. or that i am not allowed to smoke weed at all full stop, according to her. i need to get out of here. i should never have moved back but i was dying in new york i was so physically sick with stress i was going to the doctor constantly and wasnt eating. i failed and i am afraid to leave again because i dont want to fail again. i just want to live with becca

[vemoladen]

I just saw a cat fight and im here watching all of this, like dammn, i should stream this and charge.

My boss sucks at her job, she aint a bad person but when it comes to run a business she is stupid and dense.

To keep her business afloat she tries to hire the most cheap workforce available to keep costs low, but since she also sucks at sales and creating leads, the only thing she thinks will attract customers are discounts. But the thing is.... With discounts you only attract people that will buy at discount. Never full price.

The value of her brand is relative on how close to being free it is.

Her brand is totally worthless.

But to gain "exposure" she lends the garments for free for editorials.

Common practice is rent the outfits at a fraction of the price, charge dry clean fee ,or making a deposit as insurance, as a way to make a little profit or at least prevent and fix damages to the garments... do you see the problem???

So what she sells its lower than the cost, garments keep getting damaged and fixed out of pocket. And even after all of that requires "couture quality in the garments and everything personalized" but she wont pay on time.

Everything got even worse in lockdown

My coworker has been fighting her since September to get payed, the debt has been piling up and tolerance is getting lower by the day.

I've been longer there than my coworker, but i'm there not to get payed. I worked on a previous job with my boss and i know how she was. Her strength is networking. She knows everyone that can get you to anyone important.

Want a vogue cover? Bang she know who to call.

Im there to steal all her contacts and develop my portfolio. Im 3/4 there, im ready to quit tbh, but in good terms.

My coworker on the other hand, didnt know this. But I assured my boss that the payment of my coworker was priority over mine in case of short sales (which is always).

Apparently that wasnt enough. Debt had been piling up and she has been accepting fishy jobs to get money in. All of them have been scams and now her debt is worse that ever. I wouldnt know really, i told them not to bother me till this pandemic is over. (My boss owes me money so she aint taking the chances of me collecting, woo!)

My coworker on the other hand.... Oh gee, oh boy, she has been working all lockdown, she's fuuuuuuuuucked... But also a lil dumb since she does freelance outside the company that actuly pays her, she could've leave.

Being in debt can turn into a vicious cycle pretty fast, and having angry employees is not great for the brand monetarily either, she has not being payed, and now its been boiling since she developed health issues that require surgery and now she need to pay for a funeral, rip.

My boss escaped to other state, so my co worker is keeps calling me and begging me to make the boss pay her since i've been with her longer. But i know for a fact that my boss has been living in the negatives for at least 6 months before the pandemic. I would've warm my coworker, but i only saw her literally once before going into lockdown and didnt knew she was going to work with us.

So now there is this message group where we could communicate in case we got a job big during lockdown, didnt happen, so i was completely oblivious.

Today my coworker send a message in that chat to demamd payment with me as a witness basically. My boss was filling the chat with BS excuses, basically saying that her mom wasnt paying her in her fastfood job, so she couldn't pay us... But we are a fashion brand??? And she is using her mom as a shield which is hilarious.

My coworker is baffled since we dont have anything to do with her mom, or fast food??? The whole group chat is basically:

CW:"give me my money"

B: "no im poor as shit, my mom cant sell fast food i camt pay you"

CW: "i aint working fast food, pay me my money"

B: "all my family is poor, i can't ask them for money. Not even the one thats an UBER drivee"

CW: " i aint working for your mom nor your family, im working for you. Im sick and i need my money"

After that a shower of bank statements in $0 spams the whole chat, which is hilarious. But my coworker showers the chat back with all of my bosses "I'll pay u tomorrow texts"

And im here eating popcorn, cause it ain't my problem and i have not power( or intension) to solve it. Im just a bystander in all of this that really has not idea how to.get out of this.

All in all, both are in a money limbo which is kinda sad, but they keep annoying me sooooo IDGAF. Im laughing at them in how childish my boss is with my coworker giving RECEITS. 🍵

[insidiousflame]

It’s been a while since I’ve written on here. I guess cause I never really feel the need to vent about anything. Which i guess, if you think about it, is good? But I find that these are therapeutic for sorting out my thoughts and I kinda feel like my brain is spaghetti atm. lol I’m taking the days as they come. I got casted in Howl-O-Scream at Busch Gardens. All I know is that I’m in the house Unearthed. Chris has gotten my hopes up about playing the character Scarlet who looks absolutely amazing but...one of the years, she wasn’t even in that house anymore. So, I’ll more than likely be playing some quick scare role with no substance. lol.....Well, at least it’s not a regular job. I shoulda found out who i was playing when i got my papers but for some reason the lady didnt write mine down for me which is annoying. Cause I don’t go back till the 24th. So I’m stuck in anticipation of what I’m doing. Moving along, I’m so hype for fall/Halloween season! They already have some halloween stuff out and agh im so excited about it all. They always have the coolest stuff I want to decorate my own home or room. Chris bought a couple things. I truly love Fall. I think my love for Fall and winter is about the same. But I say i love winter more because thats when this southern state actually gets the cold weather I love. I’m still creating music for youtube and doing voice work here and there. Luckily money has come in when it’s most needed. And chris was generous enough to give me the money to afford my face medication. But now, theyve changed their plans. Now instead of getting that bottle that lasts me a few months, they changed it to a smaller one. And the regular one is DOUBLE the price. I’m fucking crushed. It’s the only thing that has helped my acne and now it’s going to cost me even more when i can barely afford it now. I do have a slight hope for a better option though. My blood test results finally came in. I have an underactive thyroid like my mom (thanks mom). Which explains SOOOO MUCH of my issues. Such as my constant lethargy, my hair loss, temperature sensitivity and so much more. And who woulda thunk, its also hormone related which can effect my ACNE. So if I start the medication to help make up for my thyroid issue....maybe...just maybe my terrible acne will clear up too. Relationship wise, theres not much to say. Me and Chris are doing great as ever. I’ve also expressed to him about my lack of interest in magic compared to his and...it did really make him sad. But he’s accepted it. I do find myself very uninterested when it comes to him talking about magic ideas all the time...and watching his magic shows. But, it’s his passion, and I respect and support him with it. So if I could listen to him and give the support i can, its the least I can do. After all, he’s SO supportive and encouraging when it comes to my ‘passions’ n stuff. But I certainly don’t bring it up as constant as he does with magic. lol I can’t help but begin to tune out sometimes. And I do feel bad for that. lol At least he’s actually working on his goals and dreams. Me on the other hand...lol I don’t even know where I’m going with what I’m passionate about. I’ve been trying to ask myself who I want Mocha to be. Who is Mocha Vampire? She’s a girl who loves to sing. She enjoys acting. Annnd every now and then, maybe does a little something different with whatever strikes her interest at the time. My resources are limited and my work is with light effort but enough to make it sound decent enough for my satisfaction. I mean...how could I make myself stand out enough to people that they want to see more and stick around and become my fan? But also, maybe I shouldn’t even worry about that. But again, shouldn’t I aim to make something great of myself? But great at what? Singing? I can’t create my own instrumentals. And I’m not driven and passionate enough to chase acting. I just...don’t have the right resources and opportunities right now to really branch out and be more ‘legit’ i guess. What I do right now can be just seen as a ‘hobby’. There’s this pressure that...I gotta make money from this. I gotta work harder and figure things out in order to get popular and make money. Money to survive. That’s just the life goal right now. I have to figure something out like that. I have to. I dont have a fucking choice because everything is pushing me. But what if I can’t? If I can’t, then I’m a failure. Then I’m in debt to my parents. Then I will not progress in life. I can’t move out of my house or live with my boyfriend or get married like we want to. I won’t be able to do ANYTHING. Whether I like the reality or not, money is the end game here. But I don’t want that to ruin what I love to do either. Who knows, maybe sometime soon I will start feeling better and maybe something will happen to help me change things. 7 months out of work....wow. But yet, things really have fallen into place for me when I’ve needed. I’m going to be in debt for a month, but I was just hired on so I can pay my parents back. It may mean I will literally have no extra money but...it’s keeping me afloat. When will I figure it all out, i wonder? Is youtube what I want to make my career? It hasn’t had the best track record in recent times, but right now, it’s the only option I got. It has allowed me to share myself and my music with the world. All I can do, is keep doing what I enjoy doing. To keep having fun. To keep doing what I can despite my circumstances. I don’t know what else to do. Playing by the rules of this world....just doesn’t seem to be for me.

[daisybrainedgirl]

I'm trying my best to do everything I can to stay afloat. I'm getting more hours. I have more money. I'm saving. I'm applying for different programs. I don't have a car right now because I got into a car accident, and that is making things a little harder but i'm getting by. Its been just over a month and I did get to have a rental car for 2 weeks which helped, but damn man. I feel like I can save myself but it will take a little more time to show. I applied for this program at my job for a grant to help my family but its not going to come quick enough. So we are probably going to have to move.... This isnt even my fault!!!!!!!!! *screams internally* I'm staying with my mom and she wasnt paying the rent and I had no idea until january and now all of this. I just... I'm typing this and I'm freaking out but im thinking, just say this and tuck the feelings about it away again as you go. I literally can't focus too hard or I start to lose it, and I can't lose it. I have to keep working. I started getting fewer hours in the first place because I had a mental breakdown and now here I am. Trying to hold it together, just to go to work everyday so I can hold my life, and my moms fucking life together! 😴