#im needed because i provide that's all

[softshuji]

The idea of someone actually loving me, being excited to see me, spend time with me ,speak to me, thinking I'm pretty or smart and nice and not because they need something from me or they think I can provide something for them is so unfathomable to me that even if someone does love me I don't think I could ever believe it's because it's me and they really care for me and not cos they see something in me that doesn't really exist or a solution to their problems or something to use till the next person that provides what I can comes along.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

End of Empathy (time for violence)

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[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

An example of queercoding in Alhaitham and Kaveh's relationship: Madam Faruzan edition

Due to the rules in place for game development in China, the possibility for queer confirmation within Genshin Impact is denied, which therefore renders the usage of characters alluding to the potential romantic connection between two same-sex characters as impossible. However, the same insinuation can be made by omitting specific language which strictly conveys romantic sentiments, such as ‘couple’. Instead, the idea of secrecy or something unmentionable can be drawn upon as indicators, as this draws parallels to the taboo of homosexuality practiced within certain cultures and media forms, which the real world audience can identify.  

For example, Alhaitham and Kaveh as secret housemates. This can be used to convey an idea of ‘taboo’ as Kaveh desires to protect his reputation by concealing his shame of having to live with Alhaitham. In-game, the context here is that Kaveh wants to uphold his reputation of a successful architect, but within Alhaitham’s Story Quest, upon the player’s discovery of Kaveh living with Alhaitham, this context is omitted for some time. This prompts Paimon to question what exactly Alhaitham and Kaveh’s relationship is, with Kaveh denying that the two used to be friends but are not anymore: “I wouldn’t say ‘friends’ exactly”.

This tactic of double entendre can be seen again in A Parade of Providence when Paimon almost reveals Kaveh’s living situation to Faruzan.

Faruzan’s can be observed to resort to a thinking pose, in comparison with Layla, when Alhaitham is mentioned in relation to Kaveh wanting to buy property, as Paimon almost ‘outs’ the truth, that Kaveh resides with Alhaitham.

She then seemingly dwells upon the subject, as she returns to it after Kaveh requests for a change of topic later in the conversation. Here, Faruzan follows up on whether Kaveh lives alone, which he fails to deny. 

Here, it can be seen that she has already began associating Kaveh and Alhaitham, possibly speculating that the two live together. When Kaveh fails to supply an answer, therefore not denying her theory, she explicitly ties the two together, and asks if the two are “hiding” something.  

This question evokes a physical reaction from Kaveh, as he denies this question out of fear of being revealed, with Paimon opting to leave in order to cover her role in revealing Kaveh’s predicament.  

A deliberate potentiality has been created here in regard to what Faruzan has inferred, as her phrasing of “are you two hiding something from me?” is non-specific. Rather than asking: “are you two living together?”, she asks a question which holds multiple connotations. Due to the ambiguity of her meaning, her question can be observed as a non-explicit version of the: “are you two a couple?” question.

On the surface, this question is a reference to their situation as roommates, however, her phrasing is non-specific, and hints to another cause for “hiding” something. For Faruzan, Kaveh’s blatant evasion of the topic and dismissal of Alhaitham’s name, could easily be inferred as “hiding” a romantic connection – which is something that the player, too, can pick up on from her gesture of suspicion, her inquisitive questioning, and her excitement when piecing together the clues. The ambiguity of her question generates multiple meanings as to why she has surmised the two could be “hiding”.  

This overt secrecy in Kaveh’s living with Alhaitham, another man, prompts the player to generate associations between this in-game secrecy and real world queer shame. In this, there is an implication of the need for Kaveh to confirm the status of his relationship between him and Alhaitham. Not only does this scene connotate an ‘outing’, in which a queer character has their queerness forcibly revealed to a heteronormative audience, but this creates a sense of secrecy, which, again, can be interpreted by the player as ‘taboo’.  

Kaveh does not want to tell anyone of his living situation out of preserving his stellar reputation, however, Faruzan is missing this context. She relates Alhaitham and Kaveh together in the phrasing “you two”, coupling them together in a secret that they “hid[e]”. The player understands this as indicating to their living situation, however, this creates a separate context which Faruzan has interpreted and that, we, as the audience are not privy to, but can interpret based on her allusions to cohabitation between two men being a secret.

Whilst this is not explicitly romantic within Genshin’s world of nameless sexuality, Faruzan’s ambiguous questioning here draws parallels between real world understanding of sexuality and the connotations of queerness which stems from two men living together in secret. 

(Update: For more analyses like this, the essay this is taken from is now uploaded! It can be accessed here and here as as a pdf <3)

[uncanny-tranny]

Man, as a trans guy and abuse survivor, whenever I see people saying the likes of, "lmao, men shouldn't be allowed in anything deemed 'women's healthcare'!" It just reminds me that - especially in healthcare - my safety and comfort will never matter so long as it continues to condradict people's preconceived notions of what constitutes people worthy of healthcare. It's just something I wish the well-meaning people who are rightfully frustrated with the state of healthcare would take a second to remember.

Yes, the healthcare system sucks and we must fix it. No, that doesn't mean we ought to leave behind people just because they challenge us on our own biases.

[vitamin-zeeth]

experiencing fhjy while currently being in the equivalent of junior year is so. Yeah that's what it's like that's how school treats you that's how I'm feeling RIGHT NOW. I love how perfectly accurate it is and I also hate it so much because they don't deserve to go through this shit

[ninjas-and-coffee]

Current Ninjago *wip* Projects List

Ninjago Arena: Ninjago but a Mortal Kombat game animation project

NRB: Ninjago but i wrote a bad rap battle or like 3

Darkleys Graduation: I made darkleys more serious and whatnot

Animatics: Dont be Sad -Tate McRae (Morro) Rockstar - CallmeKarizma(Jay) Thot -Tokyo's revenge(Llorumi critical/joke)

Art Projects that will take me 20+ hours to finish feat: Overjay au, Overlord Possesion type study??, Post-Possesion au(art and writing) Ninjago: WhatIf (art+writing). Other long ass art starts

For all the people who didn't ask why i keep disappearing or why i mention a project you've never heard of. There's a lot. And I'm not even including the 17fic backlog. Ufkbfkabfakb.

Feel free to ask about any of these, I just answer asks slowly because of anxiety around disappointing people or just not having an immediate response. Or if they're compliments i just save them for encouragement.

[cookiekurimu]

A shoulder to lean on

Art by cookie

[wolfeyedwitch]

You ever wanna write but you have so many thoughts going on and so many ideas and stories that want to be told that when you go to put them on paper it's like trying to untangle a basket of yarn that a whole clowder of cats used as toys?

No? Just me?

[jonny-b-meowborn]

As time goes by I'm becoming more and more sure that I just can't survive on my own. I can take basic care of myself, but the second I have to go to a doctor or do some formal stuff I get paralyzed. I just can't. Fuck, I can barely even talk to strangers in general. Or even not strangers, I can't fucking text someone back if I'm not close to them, it's just so scary and exhausting. I'm becoming emotionally tired more easily and sometimes even talking with my mom about anything is too much for me and I love my mom. And I really need her, I can't do basic stuff without her pretty much holding my hand all the time. I can't get a normal job. We went to this blueberry plantation a few times but I just couldn't go there without her, and now the job is over and we can't go there at all. If I wasn't such a fucking baby I'd go there a few more times alone and get some money. I can't make calls, there's literally like two people I feel comfortable talking on the phone with. People used to say I was mature for my age when I was younger but I never grew up and now I'm almost 21 and can't do anything with my life. I'm scared of everything, I'm constantly exhausted physically and mentally. I'm like a fucking child. I'm scared that I'm gonna have to live with my mom my whole life. I can't see a future for myself, I'm just not able to survive without help and at some point I won't be able to get help, I don't want to be a parasite living off of my mom's money but I don't see anything else I could do. I hate my brain so much. I hate the way it refuses to work. I hate myself for being such a child.

[rivetgoth]

I think we should invent a way to refill prescriptions that works.

[miodiodavinci]

tormented by demons (← had to redo all the VCs they'd oto'd so far because they miscalculated the base values and has now been stricken by the urge to just hand-stitch all these CVVC samples into plain VCV, as if turning like 80 WAV files into 300 or more six times over is not more work than just oto'ing CVVC)

[aggressivenesswhilecrying]

You ever be talking to your girlfriend, and the conversation starts as "here's what I forgot to say about today :D" and ends up as "I'm really just starting to realize that no one in my life has ever been willing to accommodate for me in any shape or form, and even the people who are supposed to provide for me, won't provide things I need to live a semi normal life, and if they can't. I hope I can"?

[fragglez]

things proffesionals at the sexology-clinic denmark have told me when I wanted to start on hrt: (i was 13-16)

have you considered that maybe you're just a masculine lesbian and not transgender (because clearly you can't be both at the same time /sarcasm)

have you had sex before? no? maybe try having sex and then come back again (I am 13 years old..)

do you want to kill yourself? no? then do you really need to start hrt

are you into girls or boys... no one? well but uhh if you had to choose tho (sorry aromantic is not an option!)

how many partners have you had (because that matters for some reason)

tell me, a stranger you met five minutes ago, and with your parents sitting right next to you, explain everything you don't like about your body... in details please

are you autistic (whoops guess autistic people can't be trans sorry)

tell me what did you wear as a child when your parents were buying you clothed and still dressed you (if you answer clothes for your agab then wrong answer! sorry! you're not trans)

you're a teenager! stop worrying about this go to parties and have sex and then you'll be more sure about who you are

some "trans" person in england changed their mind and sued their clinic (that is not my problem why are you telling me this)

what clothes do you like to wear (maybe take a look at me and see what i am wearing)

come back when you're 18 there's too many trans people so we don't really want to help any of you sorry

[puffinpastry]

I go to the reptile expo for two things:

A new snake hook set

A new tank for my froggie Reginald.

I left with:

A new tank for my froggie Reginald

A framed moth

Many little trinkets

Plans on getting big custom tanks for my snakes so that I can stack so I have room for a panther chameleon.

A broken heart from holding the little baby hands of a panther chameleon.

I seriously almost cried over how sweet this chameleon was, man. Almost CRIED. I fell in love instantly and remembered caring for some baby foster chameleons a while back... I was doomed the moment the guy I was talking to offered to let me hold the one that was chilling on his shoulder.

....this is gonna make moving for grad school so much harder.

Worth it.

[arrowpunk]

I want all of my friends to know that I love y'all so so much and I'm sorry I've been so bad at responding to DMs and stuff these past few weeks, I do not think that is going to improve for at least another few weeks because I am just so so busy and everything is so so so much and I am doing my best and I love all of you people in my phone and I will do my best to actually Talk to you all more and better in a few weeks when everything has slowed the fuck down and I'm no longer stressed to the point that it feels like my brain is leaking out of my ears.

[aashiqq]

Even as someone who absolutely hates how the current hip-hop scene in our country works I must say I find it quite alluring