#im normal and innocuous

[icicleteeth]

Everyone would talk about how they've been hit on or flirted with in game multiple times and I'm like "huh I'm in Limsa pretty often that doesn't really happen to me I guess I'm lucky!" and then I find out what the playerbase stereotypes male au ra players to be and I realize. Is it. Is that why.

[july-19th-club]

the wind. the ants. five seconds and im excited . television baby

[halfdeadwallfly]

genuinely every post i see about taylor swift on here [or anywhere if we're being honest] is such a mind numbing train wreck to observe. like somehow we can't just be normal and it's baffling if i'm being honest

[kaurwreck]

I cannot relate when people talk about being unable to distinguish comorbid symptoms, at least not to the same degree. I have mine fairly parsed, including where they overlap and exacerbate each other, in part because of how aggressively I've pursued treatment while also staggering it in such a way that allowed me and my psychs to identify the separate disorders.

[ravegore]

i definitely have some weird narcissism and temper shit going on huh

[mothmvn]

honestly what getting on the internet at age 10 really did for me was make me aware of all the social judgment that i could pre-empt by modifying my behaviour in advance. i was reading people's vent posts about "weird strangers" and thinking to myself "ahhh so if you do X too much your peers will think of you as the weird kid/classmate/coworker. gotcha. yea i wouldnt want to be that person either, and im not sure what "too much" means, so i wont do X in public at all!"

[wizardyke]

the thing is about harsh and unwarranted criticism is that it can so easily be framed in a sort of eve realising shes naked idea. my friend used to be very harsh to me about the fact that i didnt plan my bus journeys, that i just knew (because id been taking the same routes since i was 11) and my response was ah! how could i have been so foolish! and so i started meticulously planning even though i really didnt need to. and i only became aware when my sister needed to be somewhere, and got annoyed when i started saying the same things my friend did.

and it can feel righteous, like having the power of knowledge vs the blissful awareness of people wearing the emperor's new clothes, but honestly its such a corrupting force. "you should be ashamed. why aren't you ashamed? theres something wrong with you if you arent ashamed of yourself." & the worst thing is that you can never unsee it, even if you do heal from it.

[howlingmod]

Can I request uhmm more noob or 007n7 x killer! Reader hc..like reader giving silly gifts for them (either a star shaped origami or a decapitated head) or being too affectionate

summary - noob x reader, 007n7 x reader

misc - gouhh .... my joints .... im fading away in my old age

Noob

-They keep just about everything you give them. There's a little shelf in their room they've dedicated to your gifts. They like to look over them after a rough trip or a particularly painful respawn as a way of getting their mind off things.

-Their favorites are all the innocuous little trinkets. Sure, you might've gotten them through ... unsavory means, but it's the thought that counts! Jewelry, figures, stones- whatever it is, they just like how personal they feel. To others, they might've not been anything special, something easily forgotten and abandoned. For you to pick them up and give them to them meant something, though. Maybe it reflected an interest of yours, a specific color or texture you like, something that made it speak to you. Maybe it reflected how you saw them, they could only guess what your interpretation and links could be but that didn't take any of the fun out of thinking about it.

-This isn't to say they didn't like anything else, not even close! They treasured all the clothing you'd brought to them, replacements for their sweater after you'd taken it as your own (seemingly as a blanket more than anything, you ran strangely cold). Sure, they might've not always fit, but they appreciated the effort you went through to take them and at least try and make them presentable (stains would stay no matter what, but you at least rinsed the heavier remains off them) for them.

-Their only real hangup were the more visceral gifts. They tried to let you down easy on the whole disembodied arm thing but it was pretty hard to get it out without getting sick. They just prefer the more 'I can have this around my roomates without any real concern' gifts a touch more is all ...

007n7

-Going off the idea you were together before ... this guy's already got a hoard of your stuff sorry he's not normal. He can't bear to lose the clothes or books you left behind because he hasn't lost you yet, either, and he'd really appreciate if everyone stopped looking at him like that when he says as much.

-His favorite gifts are the ones that reminds him of how you used to be before you turned. He loves you now, of course, but it always gets him thinking about how things used to be. The days where he could sit with you from sunrise to sunset and freely talk with you or spend time with you and his son ... he just appreciates the sentimental value, is all. He can only hope to get it back some day, your gifts allow him to imagine it for a few moments longer.

-He still keeps everything you give him, though. It's more hidden away than Noob's stash- He doesn't need anyone seeing his heart on his sleeve like this. He might not be totally heartless or anything but ... he's a little sensitive when it comes to you. You mean the world on him, expressing his love for you by displaying your gifts is something he'd love to do but it leaves him vulnerable in a way he's afraid of. He likes his fellow survivors well enough but he knows they aren't as keen on returning that sentiment. He just wants to have space to breathe and exist separate from his situation, keeping your gifts somewhere private and hidden lets him have that space.

-He tries to give you little gifts in return. Ribbons, blankets, food- things like that. He can't imagine what you're going through with such a sudden change, not to mention the fights you're always in. Sure, you win, but he still doesn't like it. He knows why they fight, you're going to kill them, it's only natural, he does the same thing to the other killers. It's just ... difficult, for him to see you getting attacked, even if it might be in self defense. So, he does his best to relieve some of those growing pains, giving you back the same comfort you've given him. He likes knowing he still has some ability to help you out. It's those moments where he really shows his true self, more reminiscent of who he was before all this started and tore everything away from him.

-Just spare him getting a ring. A gift like that only breaks his heart for the future lost.

[scribbledghost]

hi!! i adore your polyvessels and their headcanons so much!!

about the polyvessels headcanons you just posted, what would the reader (whos the center of attention during sex) tapping out because of being suddenly super overwhelmed look like? like im talking crying, shaking, no touching, the works. how would the situation change and what would happen?

Hi! I'm so glad you enjoy the PolyVessels, i love writing for them!

As for you tapping out due to feeling overwhelmed, I think it's a very very rare situation; a one-off, really. Normally, they can all sense when everything is starting to become too much, and they will adjust accordingly. But things happen, and as soon as you say the word or make the gesture, everything stops on a dime. They pull back, hands and bodies stopping immediately as II and Vessel softly reassure you that you're alright, that the encounter is over. But when you don't respond, they begin to become more concerned.

You could almost hear a pin drop, if you weren't so preoccupied with the sound of your own heartbeat in your ears. It's as if the manor itself holds its breath, waiting for you to explain what you need. When the tears and shaking starts, four pairs of hands instinctively reach for you. In a panic, you tell all of them to stay back and not touch you.

I'll be honest, they all understand, but not being able to touch you as a means of comfort is rough, especially for Vessel. Of course, they'll all respect your wishes and back off immediately, but they're at a bit of a loss for what to do.

II will bring you something light to eat and some water, sitting it down on the bedside table. He'll tell you it's there, though he's not 100% sure you hear him. IV will just... sit close by. Not really moving, but keeping a close eye on you regardless.

I think III gets... unnervingly quiet and still. Like he's afraid to move. He knows he can be a lot sometimes, even during completely innocuous moments, so I think here he'd be hyperfocused on not overwhelming you more than you clearly already are.

Vessel... paces. Perhaps in the room, perhaps out in the hall, but he simply can't sit still. He wants to touch you, wants to hold you and apologize for not realizing sooner that you were beginning to feel on edge. He tries to gently poke into your mind and take on some of your pain, but you firmly block him out and he doesn't try again.

All of them feel guilty. All of them feel like they should have stopped or slowed down way before it got to this point. They'll apologize out loud a fair bit, though again, it's unclear if you hear them. If you want them out of the room, they'll go (and stay just beyond the closed door), but otherwise they'd prefer to at least stay in the same space to keep an eye on you.

Once things settle a bit and you've slowly come back to them, I think they'll be incredibly ginger and gentle with you. Asking before touching is a given, as is trying to make sure you drink more of the water on your bedside table. More apologies are whispered and murmured in the most sincere manner you've ever heard.

After, once you're comfortable being touched again, there's a lot of cuddles. You can still feel the guilt radiating from all of them, but if you try to apologize or anything of the sort, they shut it down quick. If you try to comfort them or reassure them, they shut it down as well - not because they're upset, but because they're far more focused on taking care of you and talking about what happened and how to prevent it going forward.

As for the next time the five of you want to try again, I think things are a lot slower. There's a lot more checking in, a lot more of them poking and prodding into your mind to make sure you're alright. When I said up top that it's really a one-off situation, it's because they become almost militant about not having it happen again.

[justabunchofdragons]

(huge ramble about "house's head" / "wilson's heart" because im so normal about how i cried for 20 minutes straight. btw.)

god there's just something about how they shot and pieced together that whole thing. the weird delirium of the start of episode 15 the crazy sexual undertones the whole way that make us think sex was on house's mind so thats why he was with amber - the stupidly innocuous explanation for it. how he saved someone entirely random. how he died twice trying to save amber. trying to figure it out. figuring it out and it being so fucking heartbreaking i actually...... im just speechless. him saying "don't" in the induced memory despite it being useless and then the light of the truck racing towards them both. how they reached for each other and held on but were pulled apart. how wilson and amber are "young do-gooders in love" and love didn't save them. how they focus on amber's bag flying away because it had the pills in it and that would've jogged house's memory. how they focus on his cane flying away because she was the one who brought it into the bus and wilson was the one who bought it for him. how they had the brief mention of 6 people at princeton general but it was put aside - we should know by now that nothing is ever Put Aside. everything matters. everyone matters. "nobody at this hospital even LIKED amber." how this brings house's total of near death/basically dead experiences up to 5 and amber got none. "everybody dies" (i've not seen past 5x2 but i know what 8x22 is called. and im not pleased about the implications.) "wilson's heart" and we see the oncologist, master of death, break down sobbing for the first time. how he is willing to forgoe a last goodbye so that she could die peacefully. how she solves that for him. how her last action is loving him. how they focused on the necklace - the fly trapped in amber (cutthroat, trapped. trapped in a body she didn't know she was dooming) - how house doesn't figure it out for so long. how everyone keeps telling him to rest but he won't he can't, he'll do risky experimental surgery to save his best friend's girlfriend, he didn't want to wake up if it meant that wilson would be angry at him. not that it would have mattered. she was dead from the moment her kidneys failed. she was in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong pills. "it should've been me on that bus. - you should've been alone on that bus." why was house getting really drunk alone? wilson explaining how her body has shut down and broken in perfect scientific accurate detail and she fills in the last gap about the flu meds (god she was so clever. she was such a good doctor) and he starts weeping. "aren't you angry?" "i don't want the last emotion i feel to be anger" wilson kissing her and keeping his eyes closed to fumble backwards and shut off the bypass simultaneously. "i don't want to be in pain. i don't want wilson to be angry with me." and house wakes up in pain and watches wilson walk away.

[bread--quest]

god parker meng is so funny when you think about it. imagine being a well-established professional sports player with the normal and innocuous name napoleon and then suddenly one day everyone wakes up and remembers who napoleon bonaparte was. and also he destroyed french baseball 7 thousand years ago ? this metaphor sucks im so sorry. can you imagine though

[popgirlshowdown]

about that taylor swift post-

im going to address this once so that hopefully the deranged weirdos on my post can find some clarity 🩷

it’s great to have different opinions. it’s totally fine. but I��ve been getting the same comments about taylor swift SO many of times and i honestly think it’s just annoying bc you all seem to think you’re funny but you’re just not lol. it’s the same comments repeated over and over again they weren’t funny to begin with and they’re not any funnier now. there’s no cleverness, no creativity, no ingenuity. you guys are just boring honestly and this post was me expressing how annoying you all sound after 7 days worth of the same inane comments :)

and also like- im like fully aware that it’s not that serious. what’s interesting though is that I don’t think YOU guys are aware that it’s not that serious lmao. maybe you guys just don’t have a good grasp on reality so maybe that’s why taylor swift losing a pop girl poll on tumblr dot com is so important to you like maybe you guys just like live in this false reality or something that I’m not a part of so I wouldn’t get your pov. in MY reality for example, taylor swift is a singer that i like and who i listen to. i don’t view her as any better or any worse than other singers i like and listen to. im able to live my life normally regardless of what taylor swift is doing haha. but for you guys it’s like, she is this ever-present ominous supervillain who is intent on destroying you and your bloodline so you view her as this enemy in a one-sided battle that she’s not even aware she’s participating in. so it’s weird but honestly kind of funny to watch as an outsider lmao. i’ve never seen a more obsessed group of people like i grew up in the barbz era and i feel like you guys give the same energy to taylor swift that barbz give to nicki minaj just in the opposite way if that makes sense. y’all are obsessed with taylor swift and thats just weird to me. if you dont even like her then why do you spend so much time talking about her lmao???? the fact that i made 1 (one) innocuous post about her and you guys are now having full on mental health emergencies in my notes and inbox shows how unhealthy this obsession with her is. that’s kind of where im getting confused so im asking for real here- are you just like closeted , shameful swifties like is that what this is all about?

anyways i’m linking tumblr’s mental health resource page. i would recommend perusing through some of these the next time you feel the urge to be insane about some 30 yr old woman who doesn’t know you ❤️

[blackberrybuds]

mini essay about tsutsujio tamemichi & the use of dr. kan's hands as a metaphor for rape

ive been thinking a lot about tsu and kan recently so i wanted to dump some thoughts lol. cw for things involved with their stories like medical trauma and sexual assault and such

i think tsu is a masterclass in writing a metaphorical rape scene. i know that he genuinely faced sexual assault by kan, but i wanna focus on the idea that his heart surgery was a metaphorical rape in and of itself.

for background, during tsu's first year working at KFTI, he got in an altercation with dr. kan that lead to dr. kan beating him so badly he broke four bones, including his pelvis and almost every bone in his arm. we're told that he needed a lot of recovery time, and that during this recovery time, dr. kan pulled him for an experiment that involved performing open heart surgery on him.

we're told that the anaesthesia used was localized and not general, meaning he was awake for the surgery. we're told it was for the expressed purpose of seeing how he would mentally cope with the experience of being awake for something like that. that's the background we're going with. we then see how that affects tsutsujio and how he describes it.

tsu has chronic arrhythmia and heart palpitations. when he gets worked up, his body starts shutting down, which makes him panic and makes the entire thing worse. every day hes having these little spirals where he thinks hes gonna die. this is why he refuses to leave the office and head to OMS - he's afraid that if he does, he'll have an episode that requires kan's intervention, and kan won't be there to save him.

we also see him describe the process in a very specific way: the use of kan's hands.

[416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] Actually no im pretty sure nobody here understands me at all because I keep getting stupid fucking advice and critique from people who havent had his hands in their open fucking chest

he says that nobody can understand how he feels because they haven't had kan's hands in their chest. kan's hands are inside his body. his wording here is very important, because it's going to come up again in this thread, and then again further in the future. for now, let's focus on how it comes up in this thread.

[416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] I feel like his hands are on my shoulders all the time [416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] I feel like no matter what I do or where i go his hands are always on my shoulders [416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] I feel like if i look down im just going to have handprints all over me [416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] I dont know why he makes me feel like that [416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] I cant leave because his hands are always on my shoulders and i cant ever be comfortable because his hands are always on my shoulders and nobody cares or questions it because oh its not that big of a deal its just his hands on my shoulders [416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] my body feels wrong how the hell am i supposed to just live like that forever i dont want to [434334633/ Dr. Suga] You feel violated. [416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] Right like i do but like fucking why should i [416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] God this is so stupid why do i always sound so stupid [416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] I just dont want his fucking hands in my body he fucking hurt me

he describes kan as always having his hands on his shoulders. he describes this as a feeling that's incredibly distressing, and says that nobody questions it because it seems so innocuous - just a hand on his shoulders. suga points out that he feels violated, and tsu agrees, but can't explain why. he then describes the feeling in a much more visceral way - "I just dont want his fucking hands in my body".

the language tsu uses alludes to much more than surgery. this isnt how people describe surgery in a normal context. the idea of someone putting their hands inside of your body holds connotations that feel much more intimate than medical. the descriptions of being covered in handprints corroborate this - he's not talking about medical feelings. he's talking about feelings of having his body violated, feelings that are intimately tied to the idea of sexual assault. this is further emphasized by the presence of his conversation partner - suga.

suga is the absolute picture of sexual violation within staffside. the way suga is described is the picture perfect image of purity. he was young and naive and eager to help. he was almost ethereally beautiful. he was pretty and weak and vulnerable. he was a virgin. the interesting framing device in tetro is that we don't learn any of this until after we've known him for some time. when we're introduced to suga, he's sick and vomiting and exhausted and on the brink of death. we meet him as his story is nearing its climax. only a short while after meeting him, he's put under anaesthesia and raped by dr. kan. this became one of our first central plot points of staffside.

suga's entire arc is about the trauma of sexual assault and how it eventually kills him, for all intents and purposes. we follow him as he's completely devoured by his trauma and his feelings of utter violation. pairing him with tsu in this scene is meant to show the connection between the two. staffside is drawing a comparison between suga's experience and tsu's experience. you're meant to associate them. they both feel horribly violated.

and then we find out that tsutsujio was molested during a medical exam.

it would be easy to take this information and write off the metaphorical rape that was tsu's surgery. it would be easy to dismiss it as no longer important or relevant now that we know tsu was genuinely molested and not just metaphorically assaulted. however, if anything, i think tsu's recount of being molested actually serves to greatly strengthen the connections between his surgery and the idea of rape. let's look again at how he describes the assault.

[416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] Again seriously its not that serious its not like what happened to Suga [416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] Stuff with his hands I guess [416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] Which again is stupid because obviously the Suga thing is worse so please dont get hung up on this like seriously

another mention of kan's hands. he describes his molestation as something that took place with kan's hands.

[416276122/ Dr. Tsutsujio] And it was just one time and it was just with hands like it not like that

his hands again. tsu's focus often comes back to kan's hands. it's the only way he describes his molestation in any capacity. we don't get any details beyond the fact that it was done with kan's hands. kan's hands themselves in this case are portrayed as a weapon of assault. the hands that molested him are the hands he claims to be constantly all over his body and on his shoulders and inside his chest. the connections drawn between the use of kan's hands for sexual assault and the use of kan's hands for tsu's surgery are incredibly clear and further drive home the point of tsu's surgery being used as a metaphor for rape.

let's take a look at other mentions of kan's hands in similar contexts. this is the first time we ever get a mention of kan's hands.

[840070420/ Dr. Tatematsu] Out of curiosity, was it DURING that event that you told her you were getting handsy with her husband? Before? After?

tatematsu uses very specific phrasing to describe the sexual relationship between kan and seki. she refers to kan assaulting him as getting handsy.

[154314147/ Dr. Toranosuke] Hence why I'm reaching out to you two! I'd like to borrow Minase. [796285914/ Dr. Hattori] Me? [840070420/ Dr. Tatematsu] Absolutely out of the question. Keep your grubby hands in your own department.

kan claims to want to "borrow" minase. minase is someone kan has expressed lust for in the past - he's pretty, he's blonde, he's got the same borderline ethereal beauty that kan assigns to suga. when he says he wants to borrow minase, tatematsu tells him to keep his grubby hands in his own department. another mention of kan's hands.

[155402844/ Monomoko] He has other methods as well. Ones you might be familiar with by now. Dr. Kan is at his most content when others are entirely reliant on his hands.

this is one of the more prominent uses of the metaphor of dr. kan's hands. monomoko doesn't just say kan needs people to be entirely reliant on him; she says he needs them to be entirely reliant on his hands. his hands are almost given a sense of being their own character in the way people describe them. consider the people we know are reliant on kan to survive: tsutsujio, seki, suga, genki and zenjaku. if he didn't care for tsu's heart, tsu would die. if he didn't medicate seki, seki would die. if he didn't continue to care for suga through his coma, suga would die. i have no idea what he does for genki, but we've been told that without his support, genki would die as well. if he didn't provide zenjaku with the BMS box, he would die. every single person reliant on kan for survival is someone he has sexually assaulted. tsutsujio is the only one of the four who wasn't outright raped, which is where his surgical metaphor becomes even more prominent. it acts as a rape. it feels like rape. to him, it is rape. and here, we see monomoko describing these four people he has raped as entirely reliant on his hands. its another association between kan's hands and rape.

now, we get into the most blatant evidence for the idea that kans hands represent rape.

WHERE KAN. KAN KAN KAN KAN. i kNOW iT wAs HIM. HE LOOKED AT HER, HE DID. WITH HIS. HIS GROSS HANDS!!! HE DOES THINGS!!! HE DOES THINGS TO THINGS!!! hE. HE TOOk her, I KNOW HE DID. WHERE IS SHE?!?! wHERE IS SHE?!?!?! DID HE - NO!!! no. he WOULDN’T - wOULDN’T HE?!?!??!?!? OH GOD!!!!!!! WHERE SHES COLD!!! SHE’S COLD AND I CAN’T FIND HER!!!!!!! HE HAS HER I KNOW IT!!! I KNoW IT. HE TOUCHES EVERYTHING AND HE RUINS EVERYTHING AND NOW SHE’S GONE. hER FuR. HER fur…soft, soFT, and NOW SHE’S GONE!!!!! SHE’S GONE!!! HE TOOK HER. WHY. WHY. WHY?!?! WHY?!?!?!?!?!! WHERE HES HURTING HER. I KNOW HE IS. hES - hE'S DOING THINGS TO HER!!! THINGS. HE DOES THINGS AND SHE’S GONE AND I CAN’T STOP IT!!!!!!! hIS HANDS. hIS FILTHY HANDS. ON HER!!! ON HER!!! I CAN HEAR HER CRYING. sHE’S CRYING. SHE’S CRYING AND I CAN’T STOP IT!!! OH GOD I CAN’T STOP IT!!! WHERE wHy. why hE DO THIS. Why HE. tOUCH eVERYTHING THATS MINE!!! hE ALWAYS TAKES MY THINGS, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!!!! hIS EYES. HIS EYES WERE LOOKING. ALWAYS LOOKING!!! I CANT. i CAN’T DO THIS. WHERE IS SHE. WHERE IS SHE. WHERE It’s darK. sHE’S nEVER QuiEt. ShE’S never THIS QUIET. He MUFFLED HER, I KNOW HE DID. he DOESNT WANT ME TO HEAR HER CRYING!!!!!!! BUT I CAN. I CAN HEAR HER ANYWAY!!! hE THINKS I CAN’T. BUT I CAN!!!!!!! HE DOESNT WANT HER TO BE MINE!!! BUT SHE’S MINE. MINE!!!!!!! WHERE wHEre IS shE. IS sHE SAFE?!?! IS SHE STILL SAFE???!?!?!? DID I LEAVE HER HERE?!?! WAS IT ME??? DID I DO THIS?!?! no. No. IT WASN’T ME. IT WAS KAN. IT’S ALWAYS KAN. IT’S ALWAYS HIM AND HIS HANDS AND HIS EYES AND HIS SMILE!!! HE TOOK HER. HE TOOK HER AND HE’S RUINING HER!!!!

the maru logs contain an incredibly chilling description of kan's hands used as a metaphor for rape once again. in my mind, this is one of the most nauseating depictions of kan's inflicted trauma in tetro. in the maru logs, we see the jumbled thoughts of nemoto genki depicted as a terminal. throughout the staffside story, we are repeatedly nudged towards the fact that during genki's deterioration, he was raped by kan. it's something that many people seem to understand and that genki himself seems to still carry the pain of even after losing his memory.

here we see genki in a state of extreme distress after dr. kan took away his comfort item as a form of sadistic punishment - a stuffed sheep. sheep and lambs have extremely strong connotations when it comes to symbolism - they're purity, innocence, gentleness and youth. we see that literally ripped away from genki by kan's hands, and genki immediately begins to violently spiral into hysterics.

kan taking the sheep is, in my opinion, a direct metaphor for rape once again. he is literally ripping a symbol of innocence away from genki, and genki reacts accordingly. he completely melts down, insisting that kan is "doing things" to this symbol of his innocence, and that he's ruining her with his gross, filthy hands. "it's always him and his hands". another case of dr. kan's hands being treated as a separate concept to himself. his hands are a weapon, and we see genki completely lose it as kan uses that weapon to rip away his innocence once again. this isn't a connection that the reader needs to force - it's incredibly clear. genki reacts to this as if it was a rape. he cries about violation and filth and ruining. genki seems to go as far as genuinely thinking that kan would violate the sheep itself - directly violating the symbol of his innocence and purity. directly raping his innocence. he reacts with appropriate horror and distress. kan's hands are once again used in this disgusting, violating context.

but kan's hands continue to come up.

Hibari visibly tensed and vocalized his pain throughout the process, but Kan appeared unfazed. He made several inappropriate comments, including, “You should appreciate that I’m being hands-on. Many would leave you to suffer with less care.”

kan describes himself as being hands-on with zenjaku, and says zenjaku should appreciate it. kan has repeatedly stressed a perverse interest in zenjaku and his body up to this point, and would later go on to physically rape him during a moment alone. having this treatment associated with kan being "hands-on" is another glowing example of the metaphor of his hands.

i think tetro is incredibly effective at not only depicting kan's hands themselves as a metaphor for rape and violation, but then also successfully executing an incredibly poignant metaphor for rape in the form of tsutsujio's surgery. kan's hands are rape. by putting them into tsu's body, he violated him and left him with a trauma that tsu describes in an extremely intimate context. anyone affected by kan's hands is violated, because kan's hands represent violation.

im not sure how much more of this we'll get in the future but i just wanted to get my thoughts out - let me know if you see any other interesting examples of this in staffside or let me know if you disagree completely and think im reading way too far into this LMAO. i just wanna hear peoples thoughts

[trawl]

it’s unfortunate when something completely innocuous and harmless becomes linked with bone deep insecurities and terror in your mind because it means that every time you see this completely normal and regular thing you suddenly feel like you are having a panic attack over something genuinely and entirely completely unrelated. Like im not talking about triggers that make sense okay im talking about something that gets caught in the crossfire of your brains misfiring neurons by just so happening to be present at the time of an unfortunate event and now every time you see like IDK a keebler elf you feel like you did when you were having a panic attack over the idea of your friends dying

[sunjaesol]

soljae | one shot, high school, one-sided pining | prompt: crush

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

"Im Sol."

Sunjae strode towards the girl that stood a couple meters in front of him. His expression schooled into a cool and even look, he kept his eyes trained on the top of her head—even when she turned around and faced him.

He had no issue with eye contact… just with her, specifically.

"Sunjae-ah," she responded, mildly surprised.

A colourful knit sweater was thrown over her uniform, a little bulky and awkward as it clung to the edges of her blazer. The charms hanging on her backpack jingled when she turned around. Like most girls did, her fringe was still stuck in a little, pink roller.

She blinked, waiting for him to speak. When he didn't, she asked: "What's up?"

Yeah, what was up with him? He never approached her in the mornings. He usually waited until the afternoon, sometime after lunch, when he'd scrounged up enough courage to make an innocuous comment or ask a question. Sol kindly offered a response each time, even though he knew he was acting a bit weird. That was a thing he liked about her, he supposed; Im Sol didn't exclude people, even if said people acted aloof like him.

"I didn't know you also took the early bus," he found himself saying. It came out accusatory. Sunjae withheld a grimace. Why couldn't he just act normal around her?

Sol's brows raised. "Oh… um… yeah. The bake sale is today and me and my friends want to make sure that Taes—I mean, the students from our year get the best treats."

Sunjae kept staring at her. Tae-who? Was it Taesan? Taeyong? Taesung? His train of thought paused. If she liked Kim Taesung, he was going to drown himself in the pool this evening.

He bit his tongue. "Cool." Without another word, he continued his walk to the bus stop and quietly prayed that Sol would match his pace.

She did.

"Do you like desserts?" she asked conversationally.

He glanced at her from his peripheral vision. "Not really."

"Oh." Her lips pursed. "I guess that makes sense, with your dad's restaurant and all."

He hummed and kept his eyes on the sidewalk. He had to focus on not smiling, not grinning, not showing how much effect she had on him. Im Sol didn't need to know his heart had fallen to his feet the moment he laid eyes on her in the rain three full moons ago. Sunjae felt rather indifferent about movies, but he had a rental card from her mom's video store anyway. He liked ballads, but she listened to Girls' Generation so now he listened to Girls' Generation.

They arrived at the bus stop and waited with the other students on their ride. From the corner of his eye, he watched Sol take out her MP3-player and earphones from the front pocket of her backpack.

Stuffing his hands in his trousers, he uttered, "What're you listening to?"

"Huh?" Her hands stilled. "Oh. Um." She looked down at her MP3-player. "'Beginning' by Girls' Generation."

Before he could respond, she reached up, placed one earphone in his ear, and then she pressed play. Sunjae was frozen in shock at her bold move that he barely registered the electric guitar leading in the song.

She grinned. "My favourite is Yoona!"

Sunjae dumbly nodded. "Sure."

The bus rolled around the corner, forcing Sunjae to hand back the earphones. Their fingers brushed when he did, which only quickened the beat of his heart by threefold. In that briefest of moment, he felt the softness of her index finger and thumb.

Sunjae was going a bit crazy.

With the bus coming to a halt and opening its doors, that should indicate the end of their conversation (and the end of Sunjae's life, really, because a heart shouldn't be beating this fast), but something entirely different happened instead.

Sol offered him the space next to her on a two-seater.

Had Inhyuk been there, he would remind Sunjae to keep his cool and not fall to his knees in devotion to a girl he spoke all of ten words to, but Inhyuk wasn't here, so it took Sunjae's own willpower not to do all of the aforementioned right then and there.

And so, he nodded and sat next to Sol. He still didn't look her in the eye.

Sol kept quiet after that, too.

Turning his head fully away from her, a smile that had been simmering right under his cool frown broke to the surface, stretching his skin and aching his cheeks. A smile so dazzling the person at the other side of the aisle was likely confused. A thrill ran from the top of his head down to his gut. He was sitting next to Sol. He was sitting next to Sol!

For that twenty minute bus ride, Sunjae's mind dismissed all negative thoughts; swim practice, Kim Taesung's existence, his failing history grade. There was no evil in the universe when Sol's arm occasionally brushed his. If he could, he would turn back time and relive this singular moment over and over again.

He had it bad. He had it really, really bad for Im Sol.

The bus rolled into its drop-off lane at the school. All the students got off the bus and Sunjae made a point not to immediately run off to his friends. Looking over his shoulder, he watched Sol descend the steps of the bus.

For a split second, their eyes met.

Sol smiled. "See you around, Sunjae-ah!"

And then she ran off. Sunjae watched her go. For months, he knew, he would think about this. Rubbing a hand against his sternum, he collected his thoughts and looked around for Inhyuk.

Because if anyone knew who Sol was making baked goods for, it was his nosy gossip of a best friend.

[tanktopdiaz]

when im wearing my eddie diaz shirt it like his spirit fills me and i cant function normally under the most innocuous of conditions. which is to say that when i dropped a bottle of lube n the cap went flying i did in fact trip n bust my ass on the puddle of lube bc the spirit of sorrowful meow meow eddie was inhabiting my body. not me. amen.