#im not always This edgy but when i am. i do shit like this

[malwaredykes]

I know you mostly post about fnv but I'm curious to know whats your opinion on the other fallouts?

fallout - really Really REALLY good. unforgiving, yes, takes some time getting used to. not without its flaws of course. for example i couldnt for the life of me figure out some very basic shit at first because the UI was designed by rodents i think. very Very engaging once you get past all of that. phenomenal first entry in the series. music, plot, worldbuilding, themes, major characters, mwah. mwah. They Dont Make Em Like That Anymore and there are many good reasons for it but time passed doesnt disappear so you can always play classic fallout.

fallout 2 - thing get weird. some of the highest highs, some of the lowest lows. the highs are really high though. unfortunately has a particular kind of needless edginess to it that gets extremely tiresome. "heeheehhee SECKS *begins to warp violently* heeiiuhehyehye" type. bizarrely racist and misogynistic at many points. contains some of the best voice acting moments in video game history. at many points its just very very tedious, like if with fo1 at some points i was like Well this is kinda rough, with fo2 there were stretches of the game where i was like What the hell am i even doing here Who are these people what is this crap. the enclave as this games evil fucked up faction is so great i love how theyre gradually introduced and then shit hits the fan. has a lot of texture to its worldbuilding and some really good fun moments but again it goes off the rails so much. i rly need to replay it but every time im like God do i really have time for this. i love that you drive a car

fallout 3 - weird fucking game. some truly unjustifiable design and worldbuilding decisions despite having also introduced a lot of rly good things. fun gameplay i mean its that classic falloublivionrim buggy grimy versatile ps3 pure brick ass gravel gamebryo bethesda. VERY funny to have so much of the games plot be like I Gotta Find My Dad like girl i dont care about my dad he can go die. oh wait he does. it has what i call The Martin Septim Problem and i think its kind of self explanatory. fawkes best boy hes my little birthday boy. fun to explore and do your own thing and discover whatevers going on out there. i HATE the brotherhood of steel in fallout the third. i HATE the enclave in fallout the third but i dont think it even comes close to how much i hate the brotherhood of steel in this game and what precedent it set for the rest of bethesda fallout. these creeps. im supposed to find any of this awesome? fuck no. oh also im ENDLESSLY amused by the prologue its like a nightmare sequence akskfnckxjnc. im being BORN?? ive just slid out of my mothers WOMB and CERVIX and VAGINA and theyre bringing up a screen to show her what an ugly monstrosity im gonna be when i grow up and shes like Waoww and she dies??? im a TODDLER? Release Me. Unhand Me You Fool. oh also that sequence where youre in a CRAZY SCIENTISTS SIMULATION is so stupid i love it

fallout 4 - havent played it for longer than 15 minutes (made me barfy). everything i learn about it is bizarre. like WHAT the fuck happens in that game. your old wrinkly son tells you youre stupid and dont need to know anything hes doing and then is like im dying can you take over for me??? also the intro is truly something i mean i dont mind having Some backstory to my character but youre saying i had to be straight married with a baby and living in a nice suburb, with a robot house servant? fuck no

everything else i havent played and have no real Thoughts about

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Ive made through chapters 4-7 today and good god, I feel like i had basically nothing to say about acotar as I was reading it but with this book theres so much to talk about for some reason, its wild. Truly, I did not realize how much I liked Feyre in the first book until I was under threat of losing her

Now, I will say that Feyre seems in-character so far, shes still the same woman but traumatized, but I am worried for her. Tamlin is a whole different story though, SJM might as well shoot him dead right in front of me for how thoroughly hes being character assassinated. Like, if Tamlin actually cares about Feyre as a person and not just in a douchy, possessive alphahole way, which he should because Tamlin was not that kind of guy previously, then he would force Feyre to train so she can defend herself if necessary, not forbid her from it. Even if he didnt want her to use her magical powers, surely he would make her practice with her knife or with a sword or even with her bow just to be safe, because hes not always gonna be there

I think his actions do continue to make sense if you look at them from his perspective, but I also maintain that he's doing a really bad job at responding to Feyre. But also, its so laughably obvious what sjm is doing by having Tamlin say shit like "you were stolen from me", shes trying to paint him as some objectifying asshole. Even Lucien calling her "Tamlin's bride" feels like its part of all this, and I know Ianthe is gonna turn out to be a traitor and a rapist at some point, so it really comes across as an attempt to villify the entire spring court for its association with Tamlin

Speaking of Lucien, I genuinely think part of the reason Feylin is doing so badly in this book is that his dynamic with Tamlin is completely different now. For some reason hes all like "oh, my High Lord" instead of "my good friend Tamlin", he suddenly cant say a word against him when he was talking to shit to him just a few months ago in-uinverse. Like, if their dynamic was the same as it was in acotar, Lucien wouldve probably been like "hey man, I know youre stressed and I get it, I know what its like to watch the love of my life get brutally murdered I dont know what its like to have her magically ressurected again but thats neither here nor there, but Feyre is clearly not happy being inside all day and you need a break, go take her out on a date in the woods, I'll stay here and take care of everything, dont even worry about it" or gotten him to comprise with Feyre or chill tf out or SOMETHING but because theres suddenly this rigid hierarchy in the spring court in order to make the night court look better

Speaking of the night court, Ive heard some stuff about it feeling very orientalist but it still managed to completely blindsight me with its badness. Feyre got fucking harem pants to wear, really? And a short-sleeved croptop, and no fucking shoes, probably because Rhys didnt want Feyre throwing shoes at him again. That was the one moment in this book that brought me genuine joy btw, I would read a thousand fanfics about her just throwing shit at him

Anyway, speaking of my guy (derogatory) Rhysand Nolastname, hes so incredibly annoying I dont even have any coherent thoughts about him right now, like, if I were to write down what I think of him I would just write "he fuckinh pisses me off" over and over again. Im actually a really big fan of edgy shadow bois, but only if theyre like, sad and angry and closed off, if theyre like Rhysand and theyre all flirty and teasing and cocky and shit, theyre just annoying and nothing else. And the romance has barely even started yet, I cant imagine how much worse the flirting is gonna get later. Not to mention all these desperate and obvious attempts by sjm to make him sympathetic and morally good now, its honestly pretty pathetic

Now Im gonna be real with you, I didnt get a lot of sleep yesterday and I can feel myself and the things Im writing getting less and less coherent, so Im just gonna hit you with the very last of my thoughts bullet point style

The fact that Amarantha apparently didnt actually go rogue and it was all part of Hybern's plan feels misogynistic ngl

Ianthe's entire character already feels so misogynistic and slutshame-y and she hasnt even assaulted anyone yet

Something about Mor bothers me, I cant quite put my finger on it but its there. I think I do like her for annoying Rhys though

God, Im gonna have so much to say about the Illyrians but for now, its awfully bold of Rhysand to be like "they wasted no time throwing themselves before her feet" when THATS WHAT HE DID

Thats it for now

[lucksdraw]

heyy all ♥ name's lola, here presenting 1/2 of the #601 unit, kim minhyun — probably the worst person to be against when you're playing dodgeball because you will lose, but also someone with an extremely... well. non-flashy, boring power. i haven't been present for the original run of astonish but i've heard only good stuff about it so i am beyond excited to be here. you can read his profile here and a general background here, under the cut i will present more of trivia ♥

his power... basically this whole video. "luck is not a superpower" and doesn't really get you on the front-line of superism rankings, so he's just minding his business trying to survive in a world of heroes and villains. at least when the city is falling apart a-la avengers style, he's gonna come out unscathed? but overall, couldn't really give less about it all, or the glitz and glamour that comes with being a hero. sometimes will even cheer on a villain :/ also aeternal training academies are LAME!

a bit bitter, when you take all things into consideration. like, he could have been spitting fire or having a pair of wings he can fly with, but he's stuck with just being lucky? some people don't even believe him when he says it.... damn... also a bit guilt ridden but that's level 10 friendship unlock x

despite his lucky powers, his whole life is unlucky. as seen in the background preview, not the best upbringing, rough childhood, mild #mommy_issues

on other hand, thanks to his lucky powers, he's very chilled out, laid back, carefree, doesn't care, etcetera; he knows that things will work out for him one way or another. says he doesn't care about others either and is flying solo, but as much as he says he doesn't care, he will end up helping, regardless of how messy of a situation you've got yourself in? you two just met but you need a place to stay at for whatever reason? well. come over ig...

not opposed to doing some illegal stuff. the depth of this will remain redacted for his own good

like sure, he's never gotten the best grades or anything... but if he wanted to, he could take his chance at the slot machine and hit the #jackpot. but it would probably get #cancelled, since he is a registered metahuman after all

works as a snacks attendant @ gg. spends time after shift gaming until his eyes are red. plays league like, #religiously, has an edgy u/n; something like... HER VOICE RESIDES (who gets the reference? mwah..) and plays smth edgy like kayn or zed. GM rank... the whole world is falling apart outside but he's still gaming and climbing the ranks #grind_never_stops

also... does not know anything about any thefts at all. will know if you lend him some money though wink wink!

he's consented to be prodded and to sharing his biomedical data <3 everything for cheaper rent

most of the complaints about him are regarding loud music (he makes up for like 60% of simon dominic's streams) , noises past midnight, or breaking into the building (because he forgot his keys!!), or he's asked someone for some coins so he can wash his clothes @ the laundromat for like the tenth time in row. also, if he's not at work you can almost always see him moping around the building complex and he's recognized by wearing his iconic "fish love me women fear me", "my tummy hurts", "human by chance alpha by choice" and shirts alike. no, he will not reveal where he gets them. it's his personal gold mine

probably biggest fan of minions alive. would adopt a minion if they were real. like, holy shit he loves minions.

depending on who asks, down for some sprinkle sprinkle brownies x

for plot bunnies... given minhyun's character, literally anything goes. he's a bit of a #loser so not too much on romantic aspect... but friends, enemies (different opinions re: aeternals/the academy/blockers), someone who's caught him breaking into a store and is blackmailing!!, fellow gamers, they're party animals together or partners in crime,,. literally anything goes lets brainstorm in ims!!!

anyway. minhyun tweets!!!

[wild-forest-bee]

I feel the need to make a vent post. idk if anyone will see it, but telling ppl in my life just feels like blaming them, so feel free to interact

I've been homeless for 4 years now. no problem there per se. but without the duties of school and work, im left to decide for myself. Im (thankfully) not american so working while being in school was not so common, but i never got a cent in allowance so it was worth it at first.

they say to properly heal from burnout you need way longer than what time you have. im still trying to stop faking it and start making it. being a 19yo burnout is all fine and edgy until youre 22 unemployed homeless and without any degree and you still feel like doing two (2) tasks a day is a lot. i feel like i got the perfect depression-adhd cocktail where if i dont do what i want all day every day i might start killing ppl, but if i do i might as well be a rotting log in the forest

i have the chance to get top surgery but i feel my depression making me fumble it. "who cares what you look like. without your tits youre just fat. no point in changing anything" I also know for a fact that it wont make me less depressed but it makes me anxious to think that, if i let it pass, ill have to jump through the hoops again to get where i am now.

im just in so much pain every day from walking, sometimes just sitting. when i lay down, its my shoulders. probably something to do with joints. i also got scabies from some irresponsible guests, so i havent touched skin in over a month now and i feel my grip on my feelings slipping. not being allowed to touch my partner is putting a strain in our relationship and general wellbeing. as a countermeasure, I also have to be very careful about textiles, wich sucks because most of my hobbies revolve around fabric.

i just feel like living death.

either no appetite or binge eating, either way tummy pain. cant deal with groups but feeling lonely. body feeling worse every day. everything around me seems to get more complicated every day. i always tried to seem open and welcoming but i feel forgotten

at least i quit smoking weed last winter. they say the best time to quit was 20 years ago and my asthma is probably happy abt it but... bye bye sleeping routine

even as i write this post i couldnt be sleeping because i have to hit the wall (/lit) every time i hear the rats biting at my caravan or else theyll get in and start eating my food and shitting on my pillow (yay skin care!!) who wants pets when you have [INTRUDER ALERT]

ill have to look at the hole in the morning, but working inside a metal box during the day in 35°+ weather is not appealing. also have to cut the bushes so i dont have to suffer a thousand nettle stings, also cook and eat something and maybe I'll have the energy to shower like i wanted to since last week

if you get down here and wonder if i have a gofundme or smth give it to a palestinian and talk with me instead

[omorinintendoswitchedition]

2, 3, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 14, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, and 26 (My question is just say something about them you want to say)

For whichever character/characters your want

woweee this is gonna be a looooong post

2-Favourite thing about this character

Doing this for Dante. The Dr Faust cutscene, or to be more broad I love his silly attitude and his stupid jokes. Made this series iconic and funny and gives him a personality.

3-Least favourite thing about this character

For Dante this would probably be the ‘if you were 18 i would date you’ joke from the first episode of the anime. This really rubbed me the wrong way and its kinda weird to say that to a kid you just met???and ooc for him???

7-Whats something the fandom does when it comes to this character you like?

Actually give the girl characters time to shine instead of just making them sexy eye candy. And the silly family dynamics between the Sparda boys.

8-Whats something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

the fucking Vergil dodges child support and is a ‘sigma based alpha male’ homophobe. i hate it so muchhh even though the meme is dead it still annoys me so much when i see people still think its funny.

9-Could you be roommates with this character?

I probably could be roomies with people like Dante and Nero and Kyrie. Id probably get a little annoyed at Dante for constantly being in debt and gambling but we could survive. Do not think I could be roommates with Vergil. that man does not know how the oven works.

10-Would you date this character?

fuck yeah I would date Dante.

12-What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Nico is the kind of person who drenches everything in ranch. She buys the ranch ice cream a lot and it makes Nero loose his shit every single time. She drowns her chips in ranch and Nero looks at her from across the table like shes murdered someone

14-Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Hrngh fuck im not a fashion person. Do kinda see Trish getting into gothic fashion tho.

20-Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Nero and Nico are the perfect best friends duo. Always got each others backs, always making fun of each other lightheartedly. I want more of them sooo badly you have no idea.

21-If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

its been decades since I have last written anything in general. But I do remember Dante’s dialogue being fun to write for me and I dont like everything else because im constantly worrying if something is ooc

22-If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

Its been decades since ive read any dmc fic either (get caught up in other things) but as mentioned earlier do love those family dynamics and the attempts to fix everything. Dont like when Vergil os portrayed as ice cold after dmc5.

23-Favorite picture of this character?

FUCK THIS IS SO HARD. I do love the capcom cafe art with dante and his tits out. the teppen card art is also pretty cool.

24- What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

So considering the only other fandom I am in is about depressed teenagers trying to overcome their trauma its safe to say none. I guess Kel somewhat for Dante? Only cause theyre silly and have older brothers who like blue.

25-What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

When I first saw V back when I knew absolutely nothing about dmc, I thought he was edgy and didnt really like him (the video used the ‘what evil lurks I must destroy’ clip out of context). But now that I have played and beaten the series I must say V my poor guy hes an absolute menace.

26-FREEBIE QUESTION!!

no idea what this means!!!!!so im just gonna make up a question!!!!

26-Would you work for this character?

ABSOLUTELY NOT DANTE HAS NO BREAD!!!! and the job is like. insanely dangerous and im just an internet guy.

[islandsaoirse]

Don’t want to fill up my dash with me venting but it really sucks, I’ve been spending my year just losing touch, losing friends, losing motion and it hurts me and I’m hurting bad, I just want to exist, I’d like to watch movies with my friends, I’d like to show parts of me and be shown things, I’d like to feel cared for. Why is it when I plan something forwards for weeks im left on read? Why am I left to assume in vague feelings of empathy. Is my schedule that esoteric? Am I that boring? Am I incapable of jokes? Am I incapable of being loved? When I look around me, when my friends need to be comforted, I see promises of change, I see love, I see I will do this even if it doesn’t change the fundamental situation because I care. And when I need people to be there, when I require to feel, I just fall.

How do I live in a world where when I vent it’s “stop the edgy shit and get moving” how do I live in a world where the depths of my love and my struggle are met with coldness and jokes? How do I live in a world where when self isolating is something I publicly say I do, I’m not reached out to? And I waited, and I worried about guilt tripping every step of the way

How is it that I can put into a thousand words that I just want to be made feel like my words matter and just get met with how impossible it appears to be? Why is it that when I leave, I’m just let go. To drown until I magically decide I want to keep loving, and I do want to keep loving but, I just wish my friends reached, I just wish they dmed me, right now, and told me of love and rainbows and of creativity and connection. But they won’t, my discord dms will remain empty, this will get a few “you can always reach out!” And as always, I’ll end up alone, misunderstood, and broken, and alone.

[hannahlovesluca]

Hi can i get a nijisanji matchup if u dont mind (:

Male nijisanji en member :DD

Pronouns:He/him(literally any of those)

Sexuality:Gay for the homies....jk im bisexual.But men.My favorite genre of men is men who seems cool-headed but turns hot-headed whenever he plays amongus cause they're so fun to annoy(i may not have a type,but i have a pattern.and that's men.That's it.I'm so sorry for putting you through this but this sounded funnier in my head)

Zodiac:...what is a zodiac.I was born on April 12th if that helps?

Appearance:176 cm,almost a literal twig(i make up strength with agility i swear),dark brown eyes,short fluffy(?) brown hair??like those kinda wavy hair thing tho sometimes i tuck my bangs behind my ear like a disney princess if the temperature's hot,i don't neccesarily wear edgy clothes,sometimes i just find what's comfortable or i dress like a manhwa male lead.One day you see me in a black turtleneck and white shirt and the next day you see me in a blown up two piece suit while playing the most random stuff ever.I guess i have like a small waist??my friends told me i have those thin waists than even a corset wouldn't affect me(send help) oh and i had an era where i had waist length hair and ended up cutting it out of impulse,i only have like 3 fingers on my left hand cause im missing a pinky and ring finger(i honestly dont have any trouble against it i just think its annoying that i cant remember what even happened to begin with)

Mbti:ENTP/INTP(sometime si get entp sometimes i get intp)

Personality:Pain in the ass.Metaphorically.I will not hesitate to say something so abominably horrendous for the sake of arguing cause it's my favorite passtime.I'm the embodiment of that one character who never dies in a series and die at the end of the series from a tapeworm cause it felt lonely--On super duper rare occasions i get serious when it comes to problems but that's just a whole nother person atp,i'd be serious and maybe waaaaay too logical and blunt....but i still have a sense of humor tho

Likes:When people just randomly ramble to me,random 3 am shower thoughts,crabs(they taste good i swear),the concept of death(not in the depressing way i meant as in 'what if i die from a washing machine while showering' type of thoughts),physical touch and affection,i'd literally propose to someone if they'd let me doodle(rick astley) on their skin for funsies

Dislikes:Curfews,this thing we call math,toxic parents like if i see one im deadass gonna roast the hell out of them and mentally adopt the child(this happened like 3 times and im a children magnet atp)

Love language:

Giving:Words of affirmation(affectionate insults),physical touch

Receiving:Words of affirmation(affectionate insults),quality time

Extra:I get hurt kind of often so they'd probably see bandage rolls in the trashcan everyday,i actually love math but the act of actually counting the numbers makes me sick/lh,my room is a literal shipwreck unless someone scolds me to actually clean up my room LMAO usually i have to keep up a reputation so sometimes it's a shock to people that think that im introverted

i pair you with…

Uki Violeta!

hear me out…

• you are literally uki reincarnated

• i swear i didnt do this just because both of you are gay

• it works out great though

• you and fulgur probably jokingly fight for uki’s love

• omg imagine you went on Luca’s dating show and thats how you both realized that you loved each other

• might be writing a fic ab that…

• Uki knows your room is a wreck and he will FORCE you to clean that shit. he’ll also help u if u beg enough

• Uki also knows how often you get hurt and he’s always there to help, whether that be wrapping you up, or just giving you soft kisses <3

• HE LOVES UR HAIR!!!!!

• its just so fluffy and cute and adorable and

• sorry this is really short, i am extremely sick but i’m trying to pop out all these reqs!!!

RUNNERS UP: Fulgur Ovid, Claude Clawmark

[blxnc]

sometimes i think abt how back when i was a teen and my art style used to be super saturated moeblob cutesy shit and i just felt kinda normal abt it. and then once in a while i started to be zany and draw edgy stuff and smth about drawing that stuff felt REALLY good in comparison (probably bc of childhood trauma and depression but anyways). And ppl would always leave comments of concern on these pieces, they thought smth was wrong bc it wasnt the cutesy stuff i was known for. i appreciate their concern on one hand, but another idk... it felt like i was being put in a box. i tried to not draw that shit bc i didnt want people to get concerned about me, but as time went on and as i slowly rebranded myself and showed them that's just how i am underneath it all thankfully people just kinda realized that's how it is. it's what i draw and it's what i do. im glad i can draw my fucked up visions without remorse now.

[deltastra]

Just gonna share my thoughts on Chaos island and Tails’ story in Sonic Frontiers!

This is from a casual fan’s perspective

SPOILERS FOR CHAOS ISLAND

Sonic slowly getting more and more corrupted was an interesting sight to see, especially since his idle animation changes too. It really feels like Sonic is getting weaker, and yet, it just makes him seem more strong because he’s fighting it just to rescue his friends. I love it.

Another thing I love is how Sage and Sonic’s relationship feels more…sarcastic? Like Sage asking Sonic “what will you do?” sounds less like an actual question and just her trying to mess with him. And when Sonic got away from Knight, all she basically says “Yea, obviously I knew.” Which was kind of funny!

Holy shit I genuinely felt sad for Tails when he asked this. Poor kid struggles with a lot of self-doubt. I love how Sonic tackles this. He defuses the severity of his conclusion with humour while at the same time, acknowledging his feelings and providing evidence to back up his claim that Tails is everything but a burden. I loved this

HAHAHAHAA IM SORRY I GET THAT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE TAILS TRYING TO CONVINCE SONIC THAT HE REALLY IS USELESS…

But come on! This feels like they’re trying to throw shade at the previous games’ handling of his character…

Okay, hear me out…

I think this symbol represents “completion” in some way…it only appears when the Kocos complete the goal they had in life. Once they complete it, they can ascend and be at rest. They’re finally complete, spiritually at least. I don’t know, that’s just what I believe.

I’m sure the symbol will have some strong meaning later on in the game.

Here we go! All three friends have finally stated that they want to go off on their own! I don’t know why, but it means so much more to me when it’s Tails saying this. I guess it’s cause it’s nice to see him grow up and wanting to be more independent.

But what I loved more was Sonic’s response to this…

Unlike Amy and Knuckles, where he seems so supportive of them wanting to go off alone, he hesitated for a moment with Tails. And I love this! It shows that Sonic isn’t as perfect as he may seem. This is Tails, his little brother. The fox that has always been by his side. He knew this would happen eventually, but it’s still a shock to him. That short hesitation is something I adore.

But of course, he is 100% supportive and even admitted that Tails grew up faster than he expected…

I love Sage’s character. Seeing her determination waver bit by bit while also saying that things would’ve been much simpler if they were just enemies, it just feels like at the end of the day, Sage is just a child. She just wants love…

Also turning blue?? What does that mean? Is it just her turning “good” or am I over-simplifying this…

And finally…

THIS BOSS. MAN THIS WAS SO GOOD

THE MUSIC WAS SUCH A BANGER. I LOVE HOW IT SOUNDS LIKE INFINITE’S THEME BUT LESS EDGY AND MORE HOPEFUL AND MOTIVATIONAL.

AND WHEN SONIC GRABBED THE BLADE AND CUT THE TITAN IN HALF?? PEAK.

I did not like the shield riding part tho. The missiles hitting me from all angles was so confusing and tedious to do cuz I kept getting hit back

[doldilic]

Been reminiscing my highschool years as of late. It's the music you see.. I have a super good memory, especially when it comes to music and sounds. For the most part I can date back and tell you when and what I was doing upon hearing one of the songs I have saved around. I wasted so much time on Counter Strike Source, Destiny, GTA, and being a cretin with my friends around town from 2014-2018 (highschool years). We'd all talk about how we would get a clan house in Texas and were so certain it would happen... Here I am 10 years later.. I'm still in touch with some of the online friends from that era but we are all living our own lives. Me and like two other people are the only ones that kept playing a bunch of games.. That clan house would have never worked out lol; we were all so different with different lifestyles.. And now that we're older, we are of even more contrast. Good times though.

Here's a song from when I had to bust my ass skating 15 minutes across town to get to school. This was around my WitchBoy era (i was a big BONES fan at the time and liked the song WitchBoy; there's more but that's for another time).

Unknown to me, I never took World Geology which was a requirement for graduating.. I wouldn't have known that earlier because i had transferred in sophomore year and my counselor never brought it up. So over summer I took it at the rival highschool because if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to graduate FUCK!

There was one time when I was about to skate away after school was over, some kids called out "Yo WELCOME!" because I was always skating a Welcome Skateboard.. I just waved at 'im and sped off.. Yes I know I'm so cool and edgy _:(´ཀ`」 ∠): i looked like a super massive nerd back then too, trust.. 2-3 weeks before the end of summer school I got my DL and a car and let me just say, that shit was epic! A shitty blue 2002 Honda Civic with no AC made my day because I didn't have to wake up early to skate. It was liberating..

I miss my mind from then.. But not really. I like who I am now. Also younger me would totally call me a fag now lol

[liliallowed]

do you ever feel like:

[]

like just fish brained.

eyes just staring into nothingness as your mind starts to delete the coherent thoughts you were having.

yeah.

see this shit is why I write that stuff my brain has like the worst coping mechanism 😭

that leads me to repeat the same cycle of pain then five minutes I'm just smiling like nothing happened.

BRAIN PLEASE DON'T ACTUALLY PUT ME IN A FUCKING TIME LOOP. I KNOW IM OBSESSED WITH IT BUT IT FUCKING SUCKS TO BE RESET.

anyways.

what was I gonna say. I forgor.

hhhhhh

if I don't write the bad thoughts I'll forget I had them.

so like don't be sad. I wrote it to congratulate myself in getting the fuck out of the headlights before the dumbass deer in me froze in place bracing for traumatic impact.

I dodged. and it feels good!

don't know if I can do it again but yea.

guys? remember fleeing is always an option when you're in the battle screen. don't be prideful. you'll save health energy and probably be able to find shortcuts-

anyways. yea I fucking hate what happened but I think I handled that well!

(as in screaming in silence in a hidden corner instead of someone's face)

okay am I actually ok tho?

idunno. my brains trying to convince me I am. and the intrusive thoughts are like: NOOOOOO you're a crazy bitch that talks to herself when she's having a panick attack~

bro I don't care if it's edgy or if I'd be a friking anime villain or a crazy chainsaw axe murderer let me fucking sort my shit in my place.

no one is going to hear my internal monologue ANYWAY and I don't SPEAK it I think it.

so like can you stop giving me imposter syndrome? I'm ME. I'm not some cliche role of a crazy person. I'm not like this because I'm quirky or I'm "mentally ill" I don't fucking CARE which one it is.

I'm cringe and this is me. and that's all we fucking got so role with it brain I don't have any extra mental ingredients for the soup you're expecting from me. you gotta make it with what u got.

anyways.

I think I'm genuinely ok. head's clearing up.

man every time I go into these breakdowns I'm like: holy shit dust has it fucking rough. does he feel like this all the time.

then I remember I'm probably worse because he's a fucking fictional character and I'm comparing myself to something that doesn't even exist -

...

boooooo scary liliiiiii be afraaaaaaiiiidddd I'm an evil baaaaaaad guuuuuuuy.

meh whatever man.

I think it's good to put these thoughts here.

helps me keep track of myself.

[kisari]

ramblings on my personal feelings about my GG fave

i have such mixed feelings about testament's redesign. before i get too much into it. this is the internet so in case any rando sees this and doesnt know me: there is no wrong or right way to be nonbinary. there is no wrong or right way to present or feel yourself. i am against binary completely. i do not believe in transa/ndrophobia garbage.

i also wanna state i am a long time testament fangirlie. i love testament. i am happy testament was added. im happy they came out and said testament is x-gender/nb. testament in the old GG games partially helped me realize i was transmasc/nb. i think maybe thats why the redesign makes me feel a bit strange. first, a comparison.

Testament's general goth vibe and outfit basically never changed until Strive. I do think it's very interesting that from GG-->GGIsuka, Testament gained a six pack and yet also somehow became much skinnier and looks almost emaciated. Original GG Testament was very much a softer type build with no abs. I'd even say in Strive, their body shape became closer to how it was in the original GG.

Along with that, a lot of the design elements are still there, which I think is really impressive. The boots, the skirt, the gloves, and their new corset has the same arm flairs/wraps as their old tube top did. Really, they did a great job keeping the same vibe but showing that Testament has changed. So what's my problem? I've been trying to figure it out for a while. And seeing this concept art for Strive I think kinda cemented my feelings.

It was clear from the beginning they wanted Testament to have a more "fancy" look(lol the hat). In fact the one on the right is almost the exact same outfit but their body is drastically different... And I think this might be why I feel so mixed. GG creator has said Testament was always X-gender, and I think this comes through from their design from the very start. Back in ye olden days, before the Strive redesign, Testament 100% received transphobic comments that I shant repeat. But I'm sure you can imagine the sort of hatred and slurs a transfem would receive. having testament's redesign be clearly, much much more feminine isn't necessarily a bad thing- in fact i dont think its bad. again... being nb doesnt mean someone has to look any certain way. but testament isnt a real person. testament is a character designed by people. how would people have reacted if Testament was more masculine, but they still came out and said they were nb? The poses, the voice... it was all the same but Testament wasn't clearly much more fem? the way nb feels like something only allowed to more fem presenting people i guess makes me a bit concerned. go to any post about testament and look at the comments. its all "SEXY MOMMY THIGHS THEY SLAYIN" type shit. testament p much never received this attention beforehand. testament was also just... not as popular as other chars such as brisket who received the majority of attention in this way.

where am i going with this... idk. in a way, i have a lot of not clear thoughts and no where to put them. again maybe its just because i saw testament as gender goals before strive. and as someone that is nb but wants to be more masc it makes me a bit upset. there is absolutely a pattern of what is acceptable for a nb person to look like(especially when you are transfem), and i guess it just sucks that it happened to testament who i thought was perfect in the beginning. ngl i do also miss their edgier parts also. they def moved away from edgy to a fancy/posh vibe. testament's scythe used to be made of their own blood, and they'd cut off their body parts and remove skin for attacks. i can, obviously accept that this can be a reflection of them growing as a person and no longer self harming now that they are happy... or maybe it was too hard to animate in 3D... teehee....

this walk cycle literally cannot be beat it is the best.

i wanna be them so bad again tho i wanna reiterate. testament is my #1 fave guilty gear char forever i love them. this will not change. i just have many thots and feelings

[jupiterseemsnice]

Day 36

ive been told that journalling helps with things but im the type that i will buy a million of those cute empty notebooks with the intentions of filling every single page but dont ever pick them back up when they've made a home in my room. I have been going through alot lately mentally so i thought tumblr might be a fun throw back to type away my sorrows to an empty audience. I remember when tumblr was poppin and you were super edgy and cool if you had one. Now mind you i was a freshmen in highschool in 2010 so im dating myself a bit here but i remember how cool you were if you had a popular blog. I am 28 now and a mom of two but you'd never know that if you seen me out in public. I dont look like im 29 nor do i look like ive birthed two whole humans. But i am and i have. Life sucks if im honest. Growing up we were told that going to college and getting good grades or being amazing at something was going to set you up for success but i dont really think thats true. I mean yeah some people from my high school have really thrived in this life but also alot of the big names in high school are where im at right now. I dont want this life for anyone cause its hard and some days i really cant stand it. Some days i cant even stand myself. But im trying I guess. I recently was fired from my job. And ive learned a few things. 1)dont trust anyone 2)no matter how old someone is they still live in that highschooler headspace. Maturity doesnt come with age. which is sad cause we are all OUT of highschool and have been for quite some time. I think some things i need to actually put into perspective is stop giving love to people who really dont deserve it. They dont have your best interest at heart. They will step on you the first chance they get. You owe the world and everyone around you NOTHING. You focus on you and what is going to benefit your outcome. 2024 is going to be your year and as cliche as that sounds its gunna happen. Because ive personally had enough. Because by sulking and sitting here feeling down and sorry about myself its not like im giving them any other reason to think different about what has been said. Lets just take it one day at a time together. Because i cannot keep living in this woe is me shit. Im better then this We are better then this. And like my mom always said the only one that can fix it is ourselves. lets make 2024 our bitch.

Amen.

ps Renee Rapp is MOTHER

[chemicalcarousel]

questions taken from this post

just answering all of these for myself because i can and i don't wanna wait for potential asks

Hi! Who are you right now?

I'm Levi ✌

How do know its you thats out? What are your usual cues?

Uhh good fucking question. i feel like a guy ig (dysphoria). and i have very strong feelings of justice and i get very pissed when ppl aren't treated right (im super vengeful). i also dissociate a lot when im confronted with my source and i think my voice is lower and im less "all over the place" than some of the other alters? i'm more "relaxed" ig, even if my emotions can get very strong and bordering black/white

Do you like it when people know its You and not the collective whole? Is it situational, or depends on the person?

It's complicated. i feel very exposed and i'm nervous what other people will think of me since i'm a fictional introject of a very popular anime character. i'm also worrying about which impression we as a collective have on the people around us, and if they know we are a DID system and which alters we got, then they might treat us in some weird fucking way (and let's be honest - that's the reality of it) but on the other hand, i feel so lonely and invisible when i'm talking to my friends and they don't know that i even exist, ya kno? i'd wish i could be myself around my friends and i'm still trying to find out if that is possible

What sort of aesthetics do you draw to?

i guess darker ones? like black and red. i like grunge and punk too. i also fuck with traumacore, again especially black/white and red shit. angry shit. im an edgy little man

What do you look like?

pretty much like my source, i just wear different clothes ig here's some pics xoxo

What sort of emotions do you feel mostly when you’re out?

anger, grief, vengefulness, idk man i'm ready to punch a bitch lol

What sort of situations are you out in most of the time?

I'm a host, but other than that i'm always the one going to sleep and i am the one that doesn't hate ourselves ig. i'm not gonna blame us for what other people did or do to us, ya kno. i'm a protector

Are there other parts like you in the same system?

we have another introject of the same character, but he's nothing like me or our source. so no, i think i'm the only alter like me in this body?

Are you part of a subsystem?

no, i don't think we have subsystems

What’s your relationship like to the parts nearest to you right now?

idk, kinda like roommates or "found family"? i'm not sure who's close rn tho, but i'm chill with all the alters i know

Do you have vague memories of before you came out, or do they feel blocked out?

i have no idea what this means. i think it means before i fronted and yeah we kinda have a "shared consciousness", but sometimes i realise i don't have all the pieces of what happened, but it's mostly greyouts and emotional amnesia

What’s your favorite way to ground?

nature, fidget toys, drinking something tasty

Do you have a favorite snack or drink?

idk i love coffee ig. i like food in general lol

Do you have a favorite item in the present world?

hmm... can't think of one item, but i have some clothing and other stuff that i like. i love flannel shirts and i love pretty teacups

Do you have an inner world? Do you have a place you like in there?

nah, not really. it's just a black void. we haven't been able to construct one and nothing has seemed to pop up yet

Whats a simple way other parts might describe you to like a therapist or something?(they’re the fierce one, the sad one, ect)

the angry/vengeful one/the fight response one

What’s the safest thing you can imagine right now?

so pathetic, but ig that's a part of why i was created. but the safest thing i can imagine is the guy i see as my soulmate (erwin), but he's a fucking anime character from my source and has never and will never be real. but he's such a comfort for me and thereby the entire system. i just wish he was actually real lol i definitely haven't cried myself to sleep because he's a drawing ahahaha :')

What’s something you wish the system would do more of?

stand up for ourselves. but i do understand why other parts don't do this and i don't blame them. i'd just wish they didn't feel this fear and shame

What’s your handwriting like?

idk ugly? i think all of us have an ugly handwriting lmfao

Free space! Tell me a random fact about you or something you’re thinking about

uhh rn im dissociating bc we are opening up to a friend about our DID and it's making all of us nervous, so that's what's in my thoughts. a random fact could be that i fucking love making fun of my source and i love making fans mad lmfao

[ithisatanytime]

Alice Deejay - Better Off Alone (B4You Remix) Terminator Music Video

 this is far less serious than its gonna sound like if anything i find it a bit endearing, but women are physically incapable of recognizing and avoiding controlled ops, the most based girl you know things andrew tate is bad ass. its because they are submissive and always seeking to submit to an authority, and in the modern age that means a celebrity. as a man i can agree with some of the things andrew tate or sean strickland says while recognizing them for the “ethnic” jews that  they are and with the understanding that they are literally turn coats who want us dead.

 Tate is a fed, his dad was a fed he admitted it on tape go on youtube, not just any fed but CIA a literal glowie, im not one for defending women but the audio of andrew tate beating on some shrieking whore for no reason other than monetary gain that was enough for me, and if im ever in a room with him and there is a rock handy i will cave in his FUCK UGLY head or get my ass whupped trying, and ive said it to him as directly as i can i mean hes a massively famous guy but hes also a champion kickboxer so i figured if i called him out on all his videos and his fans were in the comments underneath mine like “source on him being in the cia” and im there providing i expected SOME kind of response even just the message getting deleted ive gotten interactions from bigger celebrities for less, anywho, even if all that wasnt true i would hate him on instinct because he has a terminal case of faggot head and he talks like an absolute queer, i dont mean that in the homosexual sence and its not redundant with faggot i dont know how to explain it but hes as much a fag as he is a queer and ive never been aware of the distinction before really looking at this dudes fucked up jafar turtle head. sean strickland i desperately want to like but the UFC is OBVIOUSLY controlled like boxing is at a certain level, just look at who works on the commisions and in basically all positions behind the scenes, its show business, so i am aware that if the people need a hero they will seek to supply us with one and what better avenue for supplying do nothing heros than televised sports. sean strickland says all the right things but hes obviously fucking jewish, i fucking promise you, i can be more specific, he is descended from spanish converso sephardic jews who moved to australia, thats the phenotype, sephardics fly under most peoples radars start looking at people with hispanic last names more carefully, a lot of the tells of an ethnic jew are just subtle tells someone isnt ethnically european when if you didnt know better thats what you would mistake them for at a glance, when it comes to sephardics especially when they have middle eastern admixture from the south of spain, or indigenious admixture in mexico they will already present as none white so even someone pretty savvy might give a pass to attached earlobes dark eyes and or curly dark hair because these traits could just be indicators of southern moore spanish admixture, or again indigineous admixture in the americas. sean is saying all the right things... sort of, he was saying shit that would have been edgy back in 2012 and so is nate, no one is being exposed to anything new, they are both easy to dismiss if you dont already agree with them, nate being a faggot and sean strickland being “just some fighter” fighters arent known for their intellect or politeness so again easy to dismiss if you arent already part of the choir. neither of these men will name the jew, and in a post Ye world even naming the jew absolutely no longer gets you a pass, so how much more suspect is someone who claims to speak their mind and be fighting the matrix and redpilled but you wont name the jew in 2024?

 long story short women have no glowdar because they arent comfortable existing in a decentralized intellectual movement they need an authoritative nucleus to adhere around (in this case its celebrity) but i think its cute and none of this applies to you babe.

[ramblesbambles]

Ramble Ramble Ramble

I feel so alienated from my family and friends. Per usual I'd say but its just that they don't vibe fully with my interests. As far as family its mainly my mother. She always picks on me when it comes to occasions. Telling me to leave "jokingly", but it def seems like she wants me to leave every occasion that I'm near her in public or Infront of family. Standoff-ish is the right word. My older brother calls me a f*ggot every time i try to do something alternative, while my younger brother silently judges me in a corner. Chiming in every now and then about how my ideals are skewed or how phenomenally stupid I am. I can say im a ditz but its to the point where I feel worthlessly stupid. I've told them so many times that it hurts me but they always seem to "forget". Especially my mother. Should I move out? Yes, but the con is I'm without my pets and my father, and I'm anxious anyways so trying to get groceries or finding room mates may be diffacult... Friends are... Something. Certainly they aren't my friends. They're more of the HS friends that stick together besides the group breaking at the seems to stay together. They don't like my ideas of fun, nor do they like my ideas at all. They're more... traditional in their tastes, very midwestern in their clothes and Christian in their beliefs. No problem there, but I do fancy myself as (a REALLy cringe way of saying it) admirer of the anti-christ..???? That's a whole different rant, and not for the reasons you think it is. I'm not a satanist, or at least the ones they portray in the media. I find myself to be really into the occult, and rawness of ancient worship. BACK THE THE TOPIC; They're not my friends, and college hasn't been helping due the type of college it is. I want more alternative friends, that dont think im abysmally stupid or schizo for thinking differently. That is something tho that doesn't help my situation. BPD, borderline personality disorder. My therapist when I was in 7th grade was weary to give me the diagnosis (bc every teenager goes through some of the symptoms at that age) , but my most recent 2 therapists agree that I do in fact have it... Along with other things. No, I wasn't a bad patient, just got moved around from one clinic to another. God I hope this doesn't come off as attention seeking, I know its so fucking popular on the internet to just claim you have horrible disease/disorder to get sympathy points and comments. But im just putting it here to explain my noggin. ANYWAY, the personality swings have effected so many of my relationships. One day of wanting to be friends with someone, the next I demonize them in my head, going into panic mode whenever they sneeze or some shit. God I'm such a looser. The fact I'm so selfish to think that is nuts. I hate hate hate it. I can be myself but I fear others, others that dont like me or prefer me the way I am. Why are goth shoes so damn expensive? I sound so stupid, I never made it out of my 7th grade phase, the lies by others are such a rats ass. I wanna be myself and not be edgy, I wanna be myself and have my parents respect me. All the jobs and lifestyles i want dont mix. I can't be goth and be a farmer. I can't be an ecologist and choose to wear black clothes. I can't be an artist and expect to be good. I'm such a copy and paste person. Every other artsy fartsy frag from middle school who expects to make it big is me and i am them. Im not different. I have no competition since i already lost. god why the fuck self loathing, this is so selfish to think this all of this im not gonna put periods in this bc i dont want to