#im not rereading all that sorry

[cartoonrival]

like after all that shite even tho it stretched him out like saltwater taffy naruto is truly not not not not mad at sasuke for any of it. he doesnt hold anything that sasuke did actually against him. in a technical sense hes like yeah you probably shouldntve killed those guys. but he fully blames sasukes circumstances and the pain that hes in for everything that he did. he cant stay mad at sasuke. rolls my eyes. cause he recognizes what drove sasuke to act the way he did and that the world is so so fucked and even if he should hold it against him naruto really does not want to he just wants his best friend back. sasuke tried to kill naruto because sasuke loves naruto and hates himself, and naruto recognizes that this is the reason. and that you have to be in so much pain to want to do that as badly as sasuke did, and he could feel it too every time he looked at sasuke or just thought about him he felt like he was being ripped in two. he realizes that sasuke has growing and learning and changing to do but he doesnt consider sasuke to have " put him through" anything like. naruto put himself through that and i think he'd be the first to tell that to you. im saving sasuke because i want to save him. that was the premise of the whole conversation with sakura in the land of iron like "why are you doing all this for sasuke" -> "because i want to". and i think if anyone tried to be like look what he put you through!!! he'd rip them a new one. which i mean a bunch of people sayig that to him is what pushed him over the edge in such a fashion that seeing sasuke face to face and swearing to die alongside him was the only thing that could bring him back from the brink.

anyways i just do not think sakura has the bandwidth (understandably) for that perspective considering i dont think she feels like she's choosing to go after sasuke in the same way that naruto does. and its not rightreally to call it a choice because obviously he doesnt get in bed every night and be like tonight i will think about sasuke and feel like im dying over and over again, but he decided to. this is two different posts but im stream of consciousnessing it into one. he very distinctly decided not to give up on sasuke i mean there was like. literally the scene where jiraiya was like drop it its not worth it go after your dream only a fool would keep going after sasuke now. and naruto says if thats what a fool is then ill be a fool my whole life. gag. anyways. obviously sakura wants to help sasuke 10000% she wants to help naruto she wants him back she wants the old team 7 back she loves sasuke etc im not trying to say none of that is true, but i dont think she feels like she is quite as active an agent in that decision as naruto does. while naruto thinks theyre on the same page about wanting to save sasuke because they both love him, sakura is quite quick to believe that naruto wants to save sasuke because HE feels obligated. she gets fed up with him for choosing sasuke every time over and over no matter what, she's sick of it! she cant do it anymore! she decides to kill sasuke because she feels driven into a corner, she feels like she has to because she DOES CARE ABOUTHIM and theres NOTHING ELSE FOR HER TO DO. SHE FEELS LIKE SHE HAS TO. ALSO part of her resolve to kill him is that she feels guilty for leaning on naruto so mcuh and relying on him to fix things, so she wants to deal with this situation for both of them which makes this like. very potently an obligation for her. she is killing him as (in her eyes) a noble act. she's tired bro SHES TIRED!

she drops it because naruto gives her hope that theres another way, not because she shares naruto's refusal to accept that there ISNT another way; she has to be shown what it is (understandably so, narutos route is bonkers insane that boy is unwell.) she has absolutely been put through the wringer BY sasuke more than naruto has (in terms of their own povs; in actuality idk im not commenting on that) and chasing after him feels less like an active choice on her part and more of an obligation to the memory of the old team 7, especially in the tail end of shippuden. and again she doesnt understand why sasuke acted the way that he did like naruto does, so immediately the room for understanding is way more narrow on her end in terms of blaming his circumstances rather than him. so for her to be not really able to stand him and way less quick to drop it all, in comparison to naruto, makes soooo so soosoo much more sense than whatever the fuck happens actually. she should be so mad

[hoshiina]

pairing: hoshina soushirou x gn!reader (no prns)

summary: in which he realizes you were the one for him

warnings: none i think !

wc: 1100

Hoshina wasn't a player. He wasn't one to say yes to everyone who came his way nor was he one to lightly pursue just about anyone who slightly interested him— not to mention he didn’t fall easily to begin with. He was a busy man in a dangerous line of work so having a relationship simply didn’t make sense most of the time.

However, this is not to say he hasn’t had a few relationships here and there. He loved those he dated, he really did. He did not believe in dating for the fun of it nor did he believe in starting a relationship he knew would end at some point, but subconsciously he tried not to get attached. He kept his distance and locked away his heart to keep from getting hurt. Was it unfair? Well yes, but he was scared. Everyone has something that terrifies them greatly, this just so happened to be Hoshina’s.

Yet, recently he could tell that something was different with you. It had only been a few months since you started dating, but he feared the shift in his feelings. He knew what it was— he knew very well, but as soon as he admitted it, it would be over. There’d be no going back for him. He knew he was being rather irrational, he knew that if he sat down and confronted these emotions he’d realize they weren’t that big of a deal, but he couldn’t. He’s never been able to.

However, while fighting this kaiju, it became plain obvious that he was simply in denial. 

It upset him how important you were to him, but more than that it upset him that he knew he was important to you. You had made it so painfully clear that he meant the absolute world to you and that broke him to pieces every single time.

To him it was easy being alone— he just had to make sure his job was complete before he died. If he could ensure everyone’s safety or at least help Mina out, there was nothing more he wished for. Yet while fighting Kaiju no. 10 today, when he saw his life flash before his eyes, his immediate thought was of you. If he died you’d cry. And that alone was going to get him home alive.

He’d rather die than make you cry. Especially not alone.

As he stood up again, he could see his blood dripping from his wounds and immediately it made him chuckle. You’d cry anyways when you see the state he’s in. 

I’ll have to be around to wipe your tears at least, he said to you in his head.

He was incredibly lucky that you didn’t work on the battlefield, his heart simply would not be able to take it. But he did, and for you he’d have to get home safe. Even if no one else cared that much, not even himself, he knew you would.

All of a sudden, it was easy to admit. He was hopelessly in love with you, in a way he didn't know he was capable of. He wished that he would spend the rest of his life with you and he hoped you would spend the rest of yours with him. Perhaps he was just afraid and a little flustered to admit that he was important to someone, especially someone special to him too. He had seen how painful it was for those left behind, a little too often. 

But there was an easy solution to that, he’d just get back to you safe every time. He just won’t make you worry and he’ll be there for you. This was supposed to be a dilemma, something he thought he'd stress over, but in the moment he felt eerily relaxed, definitely not like he was fighting an identified grade kaiju. The rest of the fight was a blur, he couldn't remember much. His head was clear but the fatigue had taken over at that point, but before he knew it, the kaiju laid in front of him still.

He was faintly conscious as they rushed him into an ambulance and patched him up. Once he was properly treated and awake, they had warned him to stay put and take it easy, but all he wanted to do was see you.

As soon as he left his assigned room, he immediately bumped into you. You had been waiting to be let in to see him. You took one look at the way he was patched up and tears welled into your eyes. He could tell you didn't mean to, you didn't want to worry him.

“Please don't cry,” he said softly, wiping your tears away. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of you. “I'm perfectly fine.”

“I'm not crying,” you said with a scowl on your face, but the way your voice cracked was not very convincing. “I'm so glad you're back.”

“Can't live without me?” he teased. He knew you couldn't live without him, but he couldn't either. Yet, now he even hated the thought of you living without him, let alone with someone else, so here he was. And here he always will be.

“Shut up,” you said. “You know I can't.”

He knew, but hearing you say that still made his heart flutter. He reached out with his right hand to grab your left and held it carefully. He leaned in to kiss you, but it was so much sloppier than the careful ones he usually gave you. Forgive him, he was terribly exhausted.

“I can't either,” he said, snuggling his face into your shoulder.

“You can't?” you asked, a little surprised. It broke his heart that he had possibly made you feel such way.

“Not for a second,” he said, still avoiding eye contact. “I'd rather die than wake up without you next to me, actually.”

You wouldn’t reply, so he brought his head back up to look at you.

“Oh, don't cry,” he said and chuckled a little, wiping your tears away as he kissed you again. “I didn't mean to make you cry.”

He hadn't let go of your hand and although he was gentle, he held it firmly. He didn't say anything, but he vowed to himself that he'd put a ring on it someday. He wasn't letting go of you ever.

You were the one for him.

[ofstarsandmoonlightt]

if i had to choose one scene from aftg to read from andrew’s pov it’d be when he’s going to buy his new car and neil calls him when he’s having his panic attack, like imagine being andrew then, neil’s calling, neil who rarely even has his phone turned on, calling, it must be an emergency, what if it’s something bad and andrew’s not there to protect him like he promised he would? (we all know how andrew needs to be in control of every situation) And then he picks up the phone, says neil’s name, but he’s not responding, it’s been a whole minute, probably more, a thousand things come to andrew’s mind of what might have happened; and then neil says come and get me from the stadium, and finally finally there’s something andrew can do about it. Imagine being kevin just then, them almost being at the interstate and andrew takes a U-turn and goes back all the way but thinks better than to comment on it, sees a broken neil and understands. Andrew’s already figured it out that if he didn’t go back for neil, he would’ve ran, after what happened yesterday; this was andrew keeping his promise to protect neil, even if it were from neil himself.

[overthinkinglotr]

I was watching LOTR with friends the other day and someone pointed out that a major reason film!Elrond is upset about Arwen being in love with Aragorn is because of Elrond's own broken relationship with Isildur.

In the films Isildur and Elrond are kind of set up as....a broken failed parallel to Aragorn and Arwen?

Arwen reassures Aragorn that "he is Isildur's heir, not Isildur himself," and "is not bound to his fate"-- but Elrond disagrees, confident that Aragorn will be just like Isildur.

Film!Elrond is so certain that trusting in mankind is a mistake that will only lead Arwen to misery because he once trusted in mankind, and the man he trusted ended up failing him. His ally from the line of Elendil ended up falling to the power of the Ring and dying; he believes Aragorn may do the same thing. He doesn't just want to save Arwen's life and keep his daughter by his side; he wants to prevent Arwen from experiencing the same betrayal/heartbreak he experienced. Film!Elrond is very stoic and unsentimental, but there are all these hints at Elrond and Isildur's past relationship throughout the series. Everyone likes to make the joke "why didn't Elrond just toss Isildur into the fire?" but to me the answer is, partially, because he cared about Isildur. They were allies who fought side-by-side. After describing what happened in Mount Doom all those years ago, Elrond tells Gandalf that "It should've ended that day, but evil was allowed to endure." And I think it's interesting that he goes into passive voice for a moment, instead of saying that Isildur specifically allowed to evil to endure--because he's also blaming himself for allowing evil to endure, blaming his own failure to be harsh with Isildur and take the Ring from him by force. He's regretting that he was merciful and didn't "just toss Isildur into the fire."

His complicated emotions about Isildur also appear again in the Two Towers. After insisting that Arwen needs to give up Aragorn as a lost cause and travel into the West, Elrond has a conversation with Galadriel where she guilt-trips him for abandoning Middle Earth/mankind. When she asks him "do we let them stand alone?" Elrond walks into the study, and spends a long moment looking at his mural of Isildur.

He then, in the film's canon, agrees to send military support to one of Isildur's descendants."I don't care about Isildur anymore, men are weak," Elrond says, standing in front of his elaborate mural of Isildur and his shrine dedicated to Isildur's sword.

And yes this is all, again, a drastic departure from his characterization in the book-- most of the Aragorn-Arwen-Elrond stuff in the films is a drastic departure from the book. The films radically alter their dynamics, including eliminating stuff like Elrond being Aragorn's adopted father and all the "their bloodlines are related" stuff and etc etc etc etc etc. But honestly, now that I see it, this interpretation makes the film!Elrond-Arwen dynamic engaging in a way I hadn't recognized before? In some ways it puts Isildur into the role that Elrond's mortal brother Elros played for him in the books, because Elros is cut from the films entirely. Isildur is the reason film!Elrond knows what it's like to have some kind of close relationship with a mortal and then watch them die. When Elrond angrily speaks about the folly of trusting men, or insists to Arwen that Aragorn "is not coming back" so she should just get over him, he's speaking from experience--he's projecting his own weird failed broken betrayal-ridden Thing with Isildur onto Arwen and Aragorn. And in this context, his hopeless monologue about how Arwen will regret staying by Aragorn's side also feels like it's partially from his own experience. "If Sauron is defeated, and Aragorn is made king, and all that you hope for comes true, you will still have to taste the bitterness of mortality." When he fought three thousand years ago Sauron was defeated, and Isildur did become King, and yet... TL;DR : Film!Elrond had a nasty kind-of breakup with a mortal man 3000 years ago and instead of dealing with it he decided "Men Are trash Weak" and began projecting all of his drama onto Arwen

[cerealmonster15]

walks into the function wearing a tshirt that says ASK ME ABOUT MY TOXIC THIRD YEARS POLYCULE HEADCANONS

this map has been stewing in my mind for years i think and i finally wrote it down in the illegible spaghetti way that i always do let's GO

lilia is not in the polycule he's just playing his own game of collecting sons. everyone is his son. he's also going to watch the drama because who doesn't love a soap opera playing out in real life he's got front row seats to the divorce vortex.

cater/trey/rook/vil are the ultimate four way polycule but also oh god theres so much going on there.

cater and trey are a ride or die duo but also trey knows cater sometimes isnt completely open with him but trey has a very passive nature to him as we've seen in book 1 and when he mentions cater's wish to himself in the starsending event... but theyre still close and care for each other a lot and i will die defending them if i have to fjdklsjfds

rook and vil oh my god rook and vil. they are so married. and so dramatic. and so. sdkfjsdkljf a little divorced because rook is also in love with the biggest rival of vils life but that is NOT enough to break their marriage. love finds a way. somehow. fdskjfjksdlg

^ i could go much more into both those duos but we simply. we dont have time we are moving along we are walking

rook and trey beloved science weirdos oh my god every time theyre on screen together theyre so funny. i love odd friendships. science marriage real.

cater canonically flirted with vil even tho it got somewhat censored in engtwst and was partially probably for clout reasons HOWEVER, to ME it's also for bisexual reasons. vil is canonically very pretty and caters like yeah 🧡🧡🧡 vil can see through when cater's being more superficial BUT ALSO they have genuine moments of getting along!!! like in events, beanfest 2 and the puppet one that's not out in eng yet. no spoilers here but there is a bit in puppet event that has me so vindicated on how they really do work well together and respect each other!!!!!!! into the polycule you go.

vil and trey,,, gestures to vil's lab coat story klsdjflksd they get along and it's cute. everybody loves trey.

even leona wants trey in the divorce polycule. no spoilers but please see playful land puppet event / leona's card vignette for that event. and also i think treys platinum birthday card story sljdflksdjf

the extreme difference between how malleus reacts to cater bothering him vs rook bothering him or even just Talking To Lilia is so funny. like he gets along with rook sometimes but in those two pe scenes hes SO aggro he wants that twink OBLITERATED he is going to KILL ROOK HUNT. but he will play tag with cater :^)

leona is the king of divorce. he is divorced to everyone he touches . he invented divorce. he's turbo divorced with vil and malleus because he and vil are just sooooooo. fsdkjfskdlg when therye on screen together it's like passive aggressive but mostly just aggressive bitching and bullying. theyre so funny. they have this energy of like "we have Tension but also i am going to kill you. i begrudgingly respect your abilities but i will only say so with layered insults." like the way vil says "so leona's got a pretty face but that's ALL he has going for him" like. multiple times. why does he keep doing that.

and then whatever he has going on with malleus is so funny. like malleus seems like hes a smug little bitch having fun with the banter [again he wants to Destroy Rook in those PE stories, but leona's blatant insults i feel like he's more teehee you stupid bitch >:)] and leona's just so pissed mad angry forever he's like no i need this dragon fucker DEAD for EXISTING !!! but i think malleus' having fun with the fellow teen experience of stupid razzing

leona and cater are giving me subtle divorced vibes in that one scene in book 2. listen. i have headcanons. ive talked about it. moving on 🚶

rook. leona. i feel i do not need to elaborate jfklsjfkljsekljfkl

idia is so funny. why are his opinions about everyone around him either "oh god hes ultra tier scary" or "he's so sparkly dazzling handsome beautiful". he does this often with no filter and it's so funny. i like that he and leona played chess for like hours or whatever in that one birthday vignette but i forget which one lol i think it was idia's union bday or something

do i have more to say. ive been thinking about them for hours and also years. i can and will talk about them forever i think they are So funny. this is just a messy summary of it all i'm barely scratching the surface i simply cannot go into full detail or this post will Never End GOODBYE!!!!

[tomezatos]

so like basically in the REIGEN manga tome tries so desperately to throw herself into the center of this literal Superhuman world she sees and play the role of the eager young protagonist and its so endearing but in the end reigen has to come clean and she can’t keep using the spiritual premise as a crutch. not because she was wrong to have her whimsical interests, but because the fantasy of specialness can often be an escape from the isolation a person feels due to being unable to live up to societal ideals of normalcy, and yet in the end the fantasy can itself end up feeding directly into the isolation by obscuring your view of the other people in your life. you cannot prioritize the idea of being unique or special alone and that is the reason that the power structures in the story (as represented by roshuuto in REIGEN) so frequently fail short; because actually EVERYONE is a Pathetic Freak Weirdo Nerd Loser, from the handsome, popular rich boy, to the pretentious Dark!Reigen foil who takes himself too seriously, to all of the mundane teenage girls who the audience is initially tricked into dismissing as shallow, but also by the same token EVERYONE deserves to be loved and feel supported. 

because actually bonds with other people are the most important thing, and centrally this is also why REIGEN relies so heavily on bonds with others as something to create horror. the evil spirit mimics the voices of the ones you love and lures you in and when you’re at your most lost and scared and in need, that’s when you turn around and the face of the person you trust betrays you. tome only contracts the fatal curse in the first place because she cared about reigen and went back to make amends with him. because that’s the most horrifying, most terrifying thing, the thing that renders you absolutely helpless, isn’t it? it’s letting yourself rely on others and trust them to the point that it leaves you vulnerable, isn’t it? but you have to do it, if you want to achieve true connection then you can’t continue keeping up a veneer of Specialness and posturing as someone you��re not no matter how afraid you are of being seen as your true self. that’s the idea that really connects tome and reigen above all else. you have to be who you really are and you have to trust that you’ll be loved for it. and that’s horrifying! that’s an unimaginable, Forbidden terror! but it’s necessary. 

and also I think it’s so clever how REIGEN conveys this by only bringing in shigeo kageyama, the protagonist and most recognizable character who the reader has so many preconceived notions of, in at the last moment as a terrifying ghost who is impersonating him. I mean also it’s partially because shigeo can easily be made to look scary lol, because let’s be real, he can be pretty goddamn scary /hj BUT MOSTLY it’s to have him in his uniform, in his most recognizable and iconic form that the reader will cling to, and then have it be blown away by the post-canon shigeo, the real shigeo, the shigeo who has grown and changed and is no longer stuck in the role he once was. because to be vulnerable with others you have to grow and change and do away with old pretenses and dynamics that you’ve become dependent on. it can be scary to stop playing roles after you’ve grown use to them for so long, but you don’t need them - your most honest self will be the most loved. and also I love how just like tome could tell that it was the real reigen bcause he immediately ran into a spiderweb and yelled, you can tell that it’s the real shigeo because he’s immediately rude as fuck and he and reigen literally instantly go into their mean pithy little affectionate banter lol ok sorry anyway.

and also because you cannot really be any more or less special than anyone else and you need bonds with others, it’s true both that you have to rely on other people, but also that you owe it to them to be kind. reigen is literally a normal person working in the spirit business, so he has to rely on other people with the necessary abilities, such as dimple the spirit and serizawa the psychic, yes, but he also does his part to take care of the people who matter to him. roshuuto is so focused on appearances and power - as shown by how he goes on and on about connections - but when it comes down to it, he was not willing to save others (leaving hoshido in Reliance), and so nobody bothered trying to save him in turn. he only abandoned, and was abandoned. this is shown most acutely in the end by how roshuuto “has no other option” but to pass his curse on to someone else to save himself, while reigen “has no other option” to take on a curse to save someone else. reigen and serizawa accepting their responsibility as adults to protect the children around them is an extension of the idea that you are equal to everyone and are obligated to be kind to your loved ones and recieve kindness in turn. anyway mutual trust and communication is all that matters and tome kurata is The protagonist of all time Sorry,

[chilschuck]

`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ GUESS WHO’S BACK!!!

[randomminty]

Yeahlow

[koobiie]

fanart for what may be my favorite fic of all time, Running Behind by @asidian! here's prompto enjoying all the foods from the fic beacuse he deserves it <3

[tsukasalover]

wxs song wishlist!1!1! dont take this too seriously

(i may elaborate on these in the future though. who knows. )

slowmotion - fullgroup. maybe js emunene though idk

ultimate senpai - tsukasa (+ could add emu and miku Im not fully sure about miku but. Please this song means everything to me We need even more pinop songs in game. because i said so)

dream eating monochrome baku - ruikasa. add on 3dmv (Or 2dmv thats fine) and MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!

jitterbug - ruikasa (this might be much less likely. i dont expect them to cover it)

popipo - full group. A 3dmv would be quite beautiful. I can already imagine the look on ruis face

chubyou gekihatsu boy - ruikasa (a 2dmv for this would be funny. i want to see tsukasa do one of the weird ass poses)

positive club vs negative club - nenekasa

ohedo julia night - emurui

this fucked up wonderful world exists for me - i can handle another full group if they cover this 🫡

iya iya iya - emurui ? i wouldnt mind full group or len & rin being in the cover too but i just Really want wxs to cover it. 

nee nee nee - ruinene (still thinking abt this one. id be fine with vs only if it gets added but idk)

death shall not have taken thee - emukasa

isnt it “a” - nenekasa (im reaching and desperate)

role-playing game - FULL GROUP PLEASE!!!! IVE WANTED THIS AND ULTIMATE SENPAI IN GAME FOREVER Im desperate…….

apple dot com - emurui 

baka tsuushin - ruinene

[sparring-spirals]

I need folks to understand that Bell's Hells giving therapy advice to each other is especially funny BECAUSE their codependence and advice is particularly questionable. That's the charm of it. "It's okay to be angry" ok gal that has a storm constantly in her veins and a hair-trigger and so. many. reasons to go apeshit. "don't bottle up your emotions" says the lil guy accidentally storing everyone's emotional damage. "do you want to talk about your problems" says The Walking Halfling Of Trauma. "don't get too attached" says the Most Protective Rock In Jrusar. Im sure Laudna has said SOMETHING about talking about problems which is deeply funny from the "All My Problems Are Alive And Taunting Me In my Head" Hollowed One. At least with Fearne you KNOW the advice is 50/50 "surprisingly good" and "do you want to see a fire". Why is Chetney "Embrace your inner murderer" the best at advice. Its fine. This party is a wreck. They love each other. They're all MESSES. That's the point. I love them.

[bugcatcherkit]

^ ritsu teru shou friendship in a nutshell

HAHFHWFHWH TRUEE REAL. exactly. i appreciate their dynamic as This but i also appreciate the Duality of their dynamic as being one where they can stop feeling the weight of Responsibility around each other due to the way their specific Responsibility complexes are changing/have changed. And also they all cancel each other out anyway. And their extreme Ride or Die attitudes go crazy. Almost Concerningly supportive of each other.

But anyway. when they Hang Out, as they are all overconfident and overly serious in some way, somebody always manages to start a competition that nobody can back down from or wants to lose and it spirals from there I think. but again. they are Unmasking Buddies. They have enough relatability between all of them that they feel no reason to cover many things up or put on a facade. because of the Understanding. Also every time they hang out for a certain amount of time they always delve into those like Deep Introspective conversations, probably. does this make sense.

this is all after a while though. like it would take them some time to overcome some hurdles and reach this dynamic. Teru and Shou only don’t immediately click because of Experiences and Circumstances though.

ALSO i think of your post where its like. They are Good Kids still and they'd stop whatever they were doing to like. help an elderly lady cross the street or something. Still holds true with Teru in the mix. maybe even more.

them..

[epiphainie]

okay bear with me here because i'm not really sure where i'm going with this one but i've been thinking about buck asking tommy to madney's wedding for so long and like, it's such a buck thing, right? we make fun of tommy's initial reaction because he's experiencing the Evan Buckley Experience full-force and from the front seat for the first time. buck acts on his emotions all the time, he's instinctive, he's impulsive. even if he called tommy to get coffee that day with the forethought of asking him to be his date at his sister's wedding, it's still such a buck thing to do: it's extreme, it's a major jump, it's something probably not advised by any dating columns, and likely something none of the other characters would ever do.

yet i find it so different to every other time we've seen buck act Big because of Emotions.

we see buck be impulsive and emotionally-driven in so many different flavors: as a child to get his parents' attention (him accidentally hurting eddie is very reminiscent of this to me), on the job when he's being reckless to save someone's life, when he sues the fire department because he feels pushed out of his job, when he goes against the law and athena's word and tries to find maddie and doug, when he finds red's the one that got away etc.

but rarely do we see him take big actions driven by his emotions when it comes to his romantic relationships. the only thing i can think of him is following taylor to her dad's hearing because he's worried about her. and of course, the only major commitment/extreme decision he's taken in a relationship when he asks her to move in. because he fears she'll leave him if she learns about him and lucy kissing. and then later on when he tells her anyway on the day she moves in, after basically trapping her, because he can't deal with the subsequent guilt.

i don't like assigning positive/negative values to emotions but this is my way of saying how for the most part when we see buck act big and impulsive like this, the motivation comes from a fraught place. because he feels neglected by his parents, because the fear and the subsequent anger over losing his job which at that point he considers the only thing he has, because the fear and worry he feels over maddie, because the concern over taylor re: her dad. even him helping red is him projecting his own fears about his future on the guy. this is especially true regarding all the lucy/moving-in fiasco.

which brings me to my point about how him wanting to blow up the walls of his closet and introduce tommy to his friends/family only after one kiss and a date feels different. it's buck at his most buck; it's out of pocket, it's major, it bamboozles even cool cucumber tommy for a second. it's also probably the first time we see buck act like this driven by feelings of not fear, worry, anger, sadness, but by him feeling like he's ready for something and wanting it with tommy. it's such a testament to the intensity of his feelings. he's not even a hothead like that anymore, he's matured, but here he is counting on a feeling and jumping big like we've never seen him do on the show before, let alone in his romantic relationships. i adore it because it's so buck but i also adore it because it's so buck after seven seasons of growth and because of him looking forward to something, driven by feelings of "i kinda can't stop thinking about him" and "i'm free" and "that something could be with you."

[mydream-synopsis]

here me out i think togame and endo are two sides of the same coin.

they are willing to do anything for choji and chika, respectively, but they do so in two very different ways - endo destroys, while togame fixes.

for endo, takiishi is his god: whatever chika shows is right, is endo's definition of right. takiishi's actions are absolutes, and endo is his most devoted follower. therefore, endo does every thing to provide, even if that means burning down the world till only its ashes are left. like he did for this arc, he would dig a path with his bare hands for takiishi, so chika doesn't need to lift a single finger.

on the other hand, togame knew what he did was wrong. he knows he should have made sure that choji did not step into the wrong mindset that day in front of the ori. but, he couldn't bring himself to do so because choji is his king, and he is merely a knight in service. whatever tomiyama wishes is his command. however wrong choji's decisions may have been, togame's decision was to protect him and his authority as the leader of shishitoren.

that's why im really excited to see how endo and takiishi reach a conclusion at the end of this arc. for togame, meeting sakura and being confronted of his own decisions had pushed him to realise his own doing; this makes togame's decision to go to sakura with hiiragi, suo, nirei, and sugishita a major turning point for his character - for the first time, togame became his own person. this is my own assumption, but im guessing that togame chose to go to the bridge where sakura would be rather than to go with choji, as both a strategy for the fight and as a gesture for sakura. this was the first time he wrote his own morals.

as for endo, his fight with sakura is the first time he was ever "seen". this is what endo has been searching for this whole time; he just wanted someone to see him, and only him for even just a second. now the question is, can endo receive this from takiishi? can umemiya bring takiishi to this realisation, just like he did for choji? most importantly, what will endo choose?

(also. i really hope we get to see takiishi's backstory. because it's interesting how, even with the way he reacts to endo, he does Not actually get rid of him. takiishi has the power to practically end him on the spot but he doesn't!!!!!!!! WHY.)

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

divorce quartet is an ashen relationship but they keep changing who the mediator is. pearl and scott start torturing each other with powdered snow and martyn scoops it up and goes FOCUS THIS IS LIFE OR DEATH. Cleo is about to tear Martyn a new one and Scott just taps them on the shoulder and goes "its not worth it." Martyn is refusing to apologize to Pearl for abandoning her and she is on the verge of killing him about it and Cleo just sighs and says "i apologize on his behalf, but we need to not fight amongst ourselves." et cetera

[vaguely-concerned]

it's so crushing to me that M--, in the middle of the nuclear escalation insanity, told john through the closed door of his bedroom that she knows this isn't what he really wants, that they can still fix this together, that everything can still be all right if they just stop now. both she and A-- believed in john's goodness as a man, as a person, not even as a god or a leader, so much that they came up with the crazy 'arming the bomb' plan with him because they thought he would never actually do it. (they've got a recurring problem with judgement of character I suppose lol oopsie we enabled a genocidal monster sorry folks won't happen ag-- ah shit). C-- tells him he doesn't have to do this. the rest of his little found family, they all tell him this has gone too far, walk it back while we still can holy shit john!!! and he hides in his room because people are mad at him like a kid, but like a middle-aged kid with a doctorate who won't take his finger off the one Biggest Reddest Button to end them all.

then, so many years later, cytherea says at the dawn of lyctorhood: we had the choice to stop.

and then. THEN augustine tells him, at the end of everything, "john, we still have the choice to stop, even now. you don't have to do this anymore. even if there can be no forgiveness for what we've done, we can at the very least stop doing it." without either of them knowing it he's closing the loop of what M-- said ten thousand years ago -- they're both begging him 'be the man I want you to be, not the man you apparently are'. and he still doesn't listen.

what is this whole fucking mess if not a tragic ten thousand year demonstration of the unfortunate fact that no matter what you do, you can't change someone through sheer force of loving them 😔

I just... godDAMN IT john if you had listened to the people who loved you ONCE! ONCE, at ANY of these points, instead of sunk cost fallacy-ing yourself into the fucking lightless depths of the mariana trench while getting high on your own supply and drowning the universe in blood, everything could have been so different. my head is in my hands my heart is in pieces on the ground my bones are trying to shake their way out of my body --