#im obsessed with mal you guys dont get it

[total-drama-takes-takes-2]

ttwt episode 10

“Last time, on Total Takes World Tour: The teens you’ve grown to know and hate had a… surprise landing on the remote island of St. Helena, where they recreated the decisive Battle of Waterloo as a tribute to its most famous resident. Mal revealed a smart side to her crazy, prompting Ass and Courtney to make an unexpected alliance. Julia finally got Patrick eliminated, and Team Friendship became just a little more unraveled. Who will survive today’s challenge? Will anyone? Find out right here, right now, on Total Takes: World Tour!”

The sun finally disappears behind the sea of clouds, only visible from the windows of the clunky jet plane soaring through the skies. It’s dark now, but no stars are visible. 

Julia peers outside the single tiny window in economy and squints, then turns back to her team. Ass and Courtney are sitting a significant distance from herself and Mal, whispering and giggling amongst themselves. The aforementioned is closer to Julia, but still holding her space as she stretches out on the bench, scrolling through her phone. Nothing out of the ordinary. 

Julia takes a seat next to her. “So, what’s the M.O. for today?”

“Hmmmmm?” Mal asks, not bothering to tear her eyes away. 

The blonde grits her teeth. “Any idea where we’re landing next?”

“I haven’t had the chance to run my Predictinator since yesterday. I’m running low on storage space,” she sighs. “What’s it gonna take for a girl to get a 30TB hard drive around here?”

Julia rolls her eyes and looks out the window again. A few lights are visible through the evening mist, piercing through the carpet of clouds like rays of sunshine. She turns back. “Lights, so, we’re somewhere populated. Paris, maybe?”

---

JULIA: “I wouldn’t announce it in front of anyone on this plane, but I think I might be the only smart player left,” she pauses to snort. “Who’s gonna out rank me? Pinkie Pie? Daria? The Nutcase? I don’t think so. If anyone’s gonna pull us together, it’s me.”

---

“Unlikely,” Mal says, adjusting a pair of cat-eared headphones on her head. “While the lack of stars is definitely a sign of light pollution, we’re not in Europe. I’ve been tracking our flight times, and we’ve been flying way longer. If I had to guess…” she thinks for a moment as the cat ears light up to an aggressive shade of pink. “Western United States. I guess it could be Vancouver, but the air and temperature don’t feel right.”

Julia raises an eyebrow. “How-”

“I went to San Diego comic con last year- total ripoff, by the way, the east coast conventions are so much better- and I was wearing my latest Diluc cosplay, and-”

“Okay, I’ve heard enough,” the blonde sighs, getting up and walking away out of economy. 

Michela watches the interaction from across the room with bated breath. She turns to Albert. “Something’s up with that team,”

The boy, still absorbed in his book, looks up for a fleeting second. “Isn’t there something up with all of them?”

“Yeah, I guess, I mean like…” she holds out her hands and moves them apart, indicating the space between Mal and Julia, and then Courtney and Ass. “Totally split.”

Albert sets down his book and thinks for a moment. “Maybe… we could use that to our advantage,”

“We might have to,” Michela says, gesturing to herself and her last remaining teammate. 

---

First class feels much bigger than usual with everyone crowded in the same area. 

Bonnie and Kelly are squinting at a crude drawing of what appears to be a bell with a horse’s head in red crayon. Finally, the goth sighs. “I have no idea. I give up,”

“No giving up!” Staci insists, urging Phillip to shove the drawing closer to them as if the distance would suddenly reveal something to them. 

“Come on, it’s obvious!” 

“Um… steam boat?”

The small hour glass on the pull-out table in the center of the area runs out of sand and Phillip sighs. “It’s a physical manifestation of the concept of grief,”

“What?” Bonnie snaps, throwing their arms out. “WHO chooses that for Pictionary!”

“I thought Eiffel Tower was too obvious,” 

The goth slinks back in their seat, groaning as if in a tremendous amount of pain. Kelly offers them a reassuring shoulder pat. “It’s our turn, Bonnie- I’m sure we’ll do better this time!”

They grumble, but relent. 

In the opposite corner of the cabin, Max grimaces and holds his hands over his ears tighter. 

---

MAX: “Staci thinks we haven’t been “working as a team” lately, so she’s been forcing the dunces to play “team building exercises”. AKA, kiddie board games. I only got out because I flipped the board after Phillip started crying when he lost Clue. I’m in time-out,”

---

“This is torture,” Bonnie mutters. 

Finally, the intercom crackles to life and, like an angel descending from heaven, Chris swoops in to save the day with a different kind of torture. 

“Attention, passengers! We’ll be landing in Los Angeles, U.S.A. shortly- so buckle in!”

No one wastes any time rushing to their seats and double-buckling before the plane plummets, accompanied by the sounds of screaming teens. Kelly and Staci grab onto Bonnie, who quickly shakes them off. 

Phillip tries to grab Max’s arm but the latter dodges just in time, and he smacks face-first into the arm rest. 

Economy isn’t doing much better. Julia covers her head, Michela and Albert duck, and Courtney and Ass grab the edge of the bench while dodging all the loose wads of gum and candy wrappers flying around the Zero-G cabin. Mal struggles to post a Tweet while the room trembles from the air force. 

Finally, the plane swoops over the Southern Californian hills, pulling up just before colliding with the mountain face (but not before taking out one of the “O’s” in the Hollywood sign, leaving it as “Hollywod”).

The metal bird lands gently and delicately on the sandy, arid desert hills, its doors opening and releasing the woozy contestants with a round of hisses and groans. 

Chris grins at the sight. “Apologies for the rough landing- nighttime- low visibility!”

“Sure,” Courtney mumbles, a deep inflection of sarcasm in their tone. 

“Welcome to Hollywood! Famous for its movies, stars, and, well… fame!”

Kelly squeals, forcing everyone on their side to cover their ears. 

---

KELLY: “Finally, I knew my luck would turn! I’ve always wanted to go shopping in Beverly Hills, strut the Walk of Fame, visit the gorgeous beaches… if there’s anything the Cali coast is known for, it’s good vibes and positive energies!”

---

“Right,” Chris grimaces, pulling his hands off his ears the second Kelly quiets down (thanks to a quick hand-over-the-mouth from Max). “Anyway… today’s challenge is all about the Stars- you’ll be climbing the metaphorical ladder from being pathetic nobodies to being someone important, like me!” 

Bonnie rolls their eyes. 

“Your first step is enclosed in this sealed Award envelope- you’ll be hunting for these throughout your stay here in La-La-Land,” the host says, pulling the glossy golden tickets from his shirt pocket and tossing one to each team. “First team at the last location wins immunity and first-class amenities. As they say in the theater industry- break a leg. Or two!” Chris chuckles. A helicopter suddenly swoops overhead, dropping a ladder for him to climb. 

The teens watch as he ascends and begins floating off into the night. “Oh, yeah- almost forgot- like any Star, you’ll be avoiding the Paps- paparazzi, that is!”

“Ooh, I’ve always dreamed of being a famous actress- or a singer- or a triple threat!” Kelly squeals. Albert rolls his eyes. “I love having my picture taken!”

“Yeah, but not by these guys,” Chris shouts. “Good luck!”

Max massages his temples. “Okay, listen- as much as you oafs want to soak in the limelight like a dying houseplant, we need to keep a low profile. I-”

“Not so fast, Max,” Staci says, shoving a finger in his face. “Let’s hear from everyone before making any big decisions. We need to work as a team if we want to win!”

He hisses, but is luckily restrained by Bonnie when Staci turns her back. 

“If we lose, she’s done,” Max whispers harshly. “I’m not going to be a part of her little friendship experiment. They’re destroying the team!”

“Anything to get out of-” Bonnie shudders. “Group bonding.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Still as solitary as ever, I see?” 

“I’ve been improving,” they say, shrugging. “I’m just not sure how to like… not explode into a million angry pieces when I get fed up with everyone’s crap. What even is that?”

“Overwhelm. You went from no friends to all the friends. I’d imagine that’d take some adjustment,”

Bonnie’s eyes drift over to Albert and Michela as they open their envelope. “We both have some adjusting to do, huh?”

Nearby, Julia clears her throat and opens the envelope. “Oh, great, it’s another one of Chris’ stupid riddles. What does this even-” 

She takes a deep breath, and then sighs. “Mal, would you-?”

Courtney and Ass make fleeting, annoyed eye contact, but don’t say anything as Mal peers over Julia’s shoulder. 

The brunette sighs and rolls her eyes. “It’s just a haiku,”

“A what?”

“A haiku- you know, an ancient Japanese poem. You guys are like, so uneducated!”

“Okay, fine,” Julia grits her teeth. “What does it mean?”

---

JULIA: “As much as I hate that little IPad baby twerp, she might be the only other person on this team who has any competency. If I can keep goading her into participation without wringing her neck, we might have an easy ride to the finale three,”

---

“If it’s fame you seek, find the place of solid stars, and make like a bee,” Mal reads. “Hm… solid stars…”

“The Walk of Fame? Those stars are pretty solid,” Ass prompts. 

Courtney shakes their head. “But what does that last part mean? “Make like a bee…?” What do bees have to do with the Walk of Fame?”

“Maybe Chris hid a bunch of killer hornet nests there,” they grumble in response. 

Julia shakes her head. “If only there were someone… ugh. SMARTER THAN ME who could help out,”

Mal smacks the gum in her mouth and gives the team a sideways glance. After a brief silence, she sighs with a smile. “If you insist…”

She nabs the paper from Julia’s grip and reads it, then reads it again, and then holds it up to the lights of the city as if it’d do anything. Then she nods. “The wax museum,”

“What?” Julia snaps. “How?”

---

MAL: “Does it bother Julia that I’m good at things? Yes. Do I care? Not really. I’ve barely got enough storage space to unlock my phone… if I can “team player” my way into a hard drive, so be it,” she pauses to flick a lint ball off her shirt. “Besides, this is child’s play. I’ve been stalking and collecting data on deleted blogs since I was eight.”

---

“Uh, duh? Solid stars- bees? Wax statues,” Mal says, crumpling and tossing the clue behind her. “Can we get moving now? I’m getting like, NO bars here.”

---

Max pushes open the door to the now-closed and empty wax museum and peers into the dark foyer. “This is it,”

“Team work makes the dream work!” Staci says proudly, accidentally shoving him out of the way as they strut in. “Let’s go, guys!”

Bonnie helps Max to his feet and he grumbles, then follows the leader inside. 

“Okay, problem: It’s too dark to see,” Staci says, scratching their chin. “Solution! Let’s find a light switch. Any volunteers?”

“Ooh, me! Me!” Kelly announces, dashing off into the dark before slamming into an unseen wall. Staci winces. 

“You okay there, teammate?”

“Just… happy… to be included…”

Max rolls his eyes as he and Bonnie are ordered to go help them up. A sudden fwoosh catches everyone’s attention and they turn to its source. 

Phillip is holding a lighter, emitting a short spark of flames that illuminates the area around him. 

“Where’d you get that?” Bonnie asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“I always carry a lighter on me, in case I ever need to light a smoke,”

“You smoke?”

He pauses for a moment, and then sulks. “No. I have asthma,”

“Well, it’s a good thing you came prepared anyway!” Staci says, patting him on the back. “Lead the way!”

---

BONNIE: “Staci isn’t a bad person, she’s just… a little in over her head. It’s like they’re reciting dictionary terms, not really leading… but I’m not going to test my luck. I might be next in line,” they shiver. 

---

MAX: "Yeah. We’re dead,”

---

STACI: “Am I doing a good job or what? I finally feel like I’m getting the hang of this leader thing- college, here I come!”

---

Michela and Albert push the double doors open and dash in. 

“It’s so dark in here- we must be the first ones!” she gasps, grinning. “Let’s find a light switch and get our next clue.”

The two run in further, seconds before Team Yaoi dashes in. 

“That was Michela and Albert- how are we last?” Courtney huffs. 

“Never mind, let’s just-” Julia thinks. “Mal, does your phone’s flashlight still work?”

She shrugs, her eyes still fixed on the screen. The blue light casts a menacing shadow over her face. Julia grits her teeth. 

“Mal, would you be so generous as to-”

“On it,” she says, flicking on the flashlight and illuminating the darkness. 

Dozens of lifelike statues surround the team, their dull stares sending shivers down everyone’s spines. 

Courtney swallows a lump in their throat. “Okay… is it just me, or is this place kinda-”

“Creepy?” Ass says, finishing their sentiment with a nod. 

Julia shakes her head. “Let’s just find our clue and get out of here,”

They press on into the dark. 

---

“Hey, look!” Kelly says, pointing ahead. “There’s a note from Chris on the wall!”

““Your next clue is hidden somewhere in one of these statues- in order to find it, you’re going to have to get personal- heh. One unlucky teammate is going to have to carefully undress the statues, one by one, until you find it. Don’t worry- they’re not totally lifelike. Good luck!”” they read. 

Max rolls his eyes. “He even enunciates his evil laughs in writing,”

Bonnie crosses their arms, ignoring their friend’s remark. “So… who’s gonna strip them down?”

The five of them look between each other awkwardly. Max turns to Staci. “Alright, since no one’s stepping up, looks like our leader is going to have to pick a volunteer,”

“Doesn’t that kinda beat the purpose of volunteering?” Staci chuckles, looking a bit pale. “Well… alright. How about-”

“I just got my nails done!” Kelly insists. 

“I hate the feeling of wax,” Bonnie grumbles. 

“No way, it’s way too gay,” Phillip quivers. 

Staci swallows a lump in their throat and then turns to Max. “Would you-”

He shrugs, giving them a wicked grin. “Nah. I’m not much of a leader, after all,”

---

MAX: “Staci wants to role-play Mx. President? Fine. But I’m tired of being her VP every time she wants an easy out. If she’s going to actually learn how to lead, she’s going to have to make a hard choice eventually,”

---

STACI: "Okay, I'm no prude but... bodies make me a little squeamish. They're just so... fleshy,"

---

“That’s okay! I can figure this out,” Staci says, pacing back and forth. “Okay, okay, I’ll do it. Right?”

The other four teens shrug, and then follow her into the darkness. 

---

“Oh this is SICK!” Julia gags, reading Chris’ instructions. 

Courtney shrugs. “Hey, better than doing it to a real person like in the original season. Even though these statues are creepy as all hell,”

“They’re not so bad. They kinda remind me of my anime figurine collection. I have the largest collection of exclusive one-time-run limited supply Haikyuu figures in continental Canada, you know,” Mal says, poking one of the statues with a giggle. Julia rolls her eyes. 

“Let’s just get this over with,”

The faint, ever-dreaded song bell catches their attention, and the entire cast seems to collectively groan. 

“It’s creepy how they stand there, and don’t even blink!” Courtney sings, walking by an Elvis. 

Ass crosses their arms. “I don’t wanna see them there, all smooth and pink!”

Julia leans into the two. “Hey guys, could we bribe Mal to strip them all down?”

Ass shrugs “I say let her at them-” 

“Nuh-uh, she’ll burn this place down!” Courtney snaps. 

Across the floor, Team Friendship isn’t faring much better. Staci is trembling, beet-red and unable to even undo a single tie on Marilyn Monroe. She turns back to the team for help. 

Bonnie looks away. “No way, I can’t do it- I swear I’ll spew!”

“And I’m allergic to sequins-” Max smirks. 

“Okay, that’s just cruel,” the goth comments. 

Phillip holds up his hands defensively. “My sigma lifestyle, prevents me from touch!”

Kelly blushes and clears their throat. “Um, well, I think it’s just a bit too much,”

“If we’re gonna find that clue, there’s only one thing to dooooo!” Bonnie sings. 

Max nods. “Force someone to strip them down-”

The four players sing in unison, pointing at Staci. “And sorry, Stace, that’s you!”

They groan, looking pale.

“If we’re gonna find that clue” Julia sings, nudging Courtney and Ass with either elbow. “There’s only one thing to doooo!”

“Force someone to strip them down,” Courtney and Ass nod, both pointing at Mal. “And Mal will have to do!”

Mal shrugs. 

“Hey I think I got something!” Michela says, pulling an envelope out the back of Lady Gaga’s dress. “Come on, let’s go, quick!”

Albert shakes his head. “Good, let’s get out of here- this place makes me sick!”

Team Yaoi sings as Mal shreds the clothes off the figures one-by-one. “Yeah, we’re gonna find that clue!”

Staci unzips a single dress, looking green and dizzy. “We’re doing what Chris proposed!”

“Force someone to strip them down,” Max sings merrily, nudging Bonnie. 

The rest of the team harmonizes in unison. “Cause if we don’t we’re toast!”

Bonnie walks throughout the rows of statues, hand clutched to their heart. “Totally to-oh-oh-oh-oh-oast!”

Staci shudders, pulling their hand away from the dress. “I don’t think I- guys, I can’t even look at Barbie dolls naked, it- it freaks me out!”

Max rolls his eyes. “Well, I’m not doing it. Bonnie?”

The goth shakes their head. Kelly whistles innocently, looking around the room. Phillip begins backing away, but doesn’t look where he’s going and crashes into a wax statue of Taylor Swift, both of them falling backwards. 

The flamed tip of his lighter catches onto her tousled blonde locks and she goes up in flames, melting slowly and dreadfully into the concrete floor. Phillip winces. 

“Hey, look!” Bonnie gasps, pointing at the melded beige remains of Swift. A single, wax-covered envelope pokes out of the mess. 

Max grabs it and tears it open. ““With your wax surprise, find where the magic happens, and the crowd goes wild.” Any thoughts?”

“Wax surprise must mean the clue. Where the magic happens is what bosses say when you’re about to sign up for the worst job of your life,” Bonnie thinks aloud. “And the crowd…”

Max and Bonnie look at each other and speak in unison. “A studio!”

“Yayyyyy team!” Staci says weakly. “We did it!”

“Phillip did it, with his amazingly idiotic dunce routine,” Max snaps. “Whatever. Let’s get a move-on.”

---

Team Yaoi stops outside the gates of a massive studio lot, looking between the wrought-iron bars of the entrance. 

Julia gives them a tug. “Locked,”

“Well, the clue has got to be around here somewhere…” Courtney thinks aloud. “Ass? Any help?”

“I’m thinking,” they respond, pacing back and forth. “If only we really were in the movies. Some deus ex-machina plot device would swoop in and save the day.”

Courtney snorts. “I wish. We could go for a corny superhero savior right about now,”

“Like in that one movie where the girl jumps off the roof-”

“-And that hero in the spandex swoops in and saves her! That was so dumb, I swear- I don’t think I’d ever be so infatuated with a man to jump off a roof for him,”

Ass crosses their arms. “Tell me about it. How dumb do they expect the audience to be to believe a working woman would throw her whole life away for some dork in tights? It’s basically the same as a ditzy princess marrying a rando she just met. I’ll never forgive my cinema studies teacher for giving me a low grade on my paper about that. He called it “too cynical”,”

“Yeah, I got banned from watching spoof movies when my parents are home,” Courtney chuckles. “Even though I’ll watch pretty much anything when they’re gone. Which is all the time.”

---

COURTNEY: “Out of all the people… I can’t believe I’m getting along with Ass- I mean, Natalie. Maybe this is some weird trauma-response to Mal and Julia’s alliance, maybe this show is just getting to me, but… they’re not half-bad company!”

---

ASS: “Courtney? I know. I used to hate their guts, but they might be the only sane person left. Even after we get Mal voted out, I don’t see any harm in continuing our alliance. It’s not like Julia’s the most pleasant person to converse with,”

---

A loud screech distracts the two from their in-depth analysis and they turn to the road, where seven black vans have pulled up. 

“Don’t even tell me,” Julia sighs. 

The car doors slide open and dozens of paparazzi file out, holding cameras- and stun guns. 

“I guess this was what Chris was talking about,” Courtney says, looking at Ass nervously. “And the crowd goes wild!”

“I’m not sticking around for that. Run!”

---

“Okay, everyone, stay together!” Staci yells, running at the front of Team Friendship’s frantic escape from the stampede of coffee breath and flashing lights. “Remember, work as a-”

“Enough!” Max shouts, covering his ears seconds before he’s enveloped by the crowd of paparazzi. 

“NOOOOOOO!” Bonnie shouts, throwing out a dramatic hand behind them as he disappears into the tidal wave. They turn back to Staci. “Man down!”

“We need a plan!” Phillip shouts. 

Kelly yells ahead. “You can do this!”

Staci frowns, a bead of sweat running down their forehead. “I… I… I don’t know! I don’t know! Leave me alone!”

She screams and throws herself into the crowd, knocking over a dozen paps like bowling pins. 

Bonnie blinks, turning to Kelly and Phillip. “I think our leader was just assassinated,”

“Not a bad idea though!” Kelly shouts back, grinning. They stop and throw themselves backwards, barreling over a few more people. The impact has a domino effect, and with each collision another row of paparrazzi fall. 

“For my honor!” Phillip shouts, tossing himself too. 

Bonnie shakes their head. “I hate you guys!” and jumps into the fray as well. 

After the dust clears, and the sounds of groaning and grumbling have subsided, a hand juts out of the fog to help Bonnie up. They accept it and Max pulls them to their feet. He waves around a golden envelope. “Let’s get out of here,”

---

“The win which you need, is where stars are out of reach, skies are what you seek,” Julia reads aloud. “Okay, so… somewhere high…”

“That could be anywhere!” Courtney says, dusting off their shirt. “There’s multiple skyscrapers in this city.”

“But it has to do with actors, right?” Ass adds on as the team walks through the darkened city, wincing at their injuries from the paparazzi encounter. “There’s gotta be some agency building or something.”

“Maybe… maybe not,” a voice from the back pipes up. 

The three turn behind them, where Mal is scrolling through her phone. The device itself is untouched, while the girl is covered in scrapes and bruises from the stampede. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“Chris said this challenge is all about stars, right? Well, what if this clue is about a different kind of star?” She says, pointing at a hill ahead of them. 

The Griffith Observatory flashes, twinkling in the night sky like a star itself. Julia sighs, not even bothering to ask, and then gestures the team ahead. “Only one way to find out!”

Mal grins and follows close behind. 

---

MAL: “Okay, so I may have been lying… just a little,” she grins, barely holding back a giggle. “I’m not some riddle prodigy. It’s just that the studio infrastructure has like, no firewall, and, well…” 

She holds her phone to the confessional camera, revealing live camera footage of herself in the confessional. She scrolls and it flicks to the plane galley, and then economy class, and then the cargo hold. 

She takes back her phone and sits down. “I wouldn’t call it stalking so much as, per se… learning the lore!”

---

Team Friendship looks between each other as Max and Bonnie pace, discussing the clue. Staci is seated on the asphalt, far from the rest of the group, her knees pulled tightly to her chest. 

“So it’s somewhere high up, has to do with actors, but isn’t a skyscraper, isn’t the Hollywood hill…” he thinks aloud, pacing. “I feel like we’re missing something.”

“A double entendre, maybe?” Bonnie asks. “‘Sky’ might be a metaphor, or a reference.”

Max groans. “This is useless,”

Kelly watches the two discuss the clue, team morale sharply dropping. They sigh and take a seat next to Staci. “They could really use you, you know,”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know anything. I’ve been playing everything by the book to a T- and I still suck at this. It’s no different than high school, or college… I’m just never going to understand people,” they sigh. “What’s the point of trying anything- friendships, school, romance… if I’m just never going to get it right?"

Kelly frowns, and puts a hand on their shoulder. “Staci, you have more strength than you know. I know I see the best in everyone, but… you’re a part of our team!”

No response. She looks away. 

“Look, maybe you’re not a leader. Maybe you can’t be Max, or Bonnie… So what? You don’t have to be perfect at everything,” they smile weakly. “I know what it feels like to be out of place… but you, Staci, you belong on this team. You don’t have to be the head! You can be the… liver, or something.”

They raise an eyebrow. “Anatomy isn’t really my strong suit. Human bodies kinda ick me out,”

“My point is more than everyone has a purpose. We all have a purpose. You’re an important part of this team,” 

Staci thinks for a moment, and then smiles slightly. Kelly grins, feeling a deep sense of accomplishment, before the both of them are called back to the group. 

“Hey, we think we got it!”

---

Chris sits atop Mount Hollywood, tapping his watch. Despite the time, the observatory decks are packed with tourists, pointing and gawking at the lights of the city below them. 

As the host checks his teeth in the reflection of his watch, a team rises over the crest of the hill and lands at his feet with a thud. 

“Did we… did we make it?” Julia wheezes. 

“You sure did, champ. Team Yaoi has won the challenge- and immunity!” 

Only two people follow them, wheezing and covered in bruises. Michela groans at the sight of Team Yaoi already planted firmly in the winning spot. 

“Dammit! I thought we actually did pretty okay this time,”

Albert huffs. “At least we’re not-”

“INCOMINGGGG!” Staci shouts, shoving a line of tourists aside as Team Friendship dashes forward. 

With one final burst of energy, the five had managed to scale the hill- but not fast enough. Max sighs at the sight of the other teams, and then shrinks to the back of the group to conference with Bonnie. 

Kelly cheers. “We made it! We made it!”

“We’re in last,” Phillip sighs.

“But we still made it, didn’t we?”

Albert rolls his eyes from nearby. 

“That you did. Unfortunately, not in time,” Chris says, pacing between the three exhausted teams. “Team Yaoi- welcome back to first class. Team Friendship- I’ll see you later tonight. Enjoy the city while you can, folks- we’re taking off in ten!”

---

Team Friendship looks between each other nervously as Chris merrily clears his throat, munching on complimentary airplane pretzels and flipping through a Reality, Weekly. 

“Hah, Blaineley’s getting canceled on Twitter again. I bet you guys are glad she’s not coming back, amirite?”

The teens stare back blankly. He sighs. “I miss Scruffy. Anyway, onto the votes. With three against her, Staci- time to take your final bow and step out of the limelight. And into the moonlight, amirite?”

Crickets. Chris glares. “Do I have something in my teeth? Helloooo?” 

“Can we just get on with this?” Max snaps. 

“Ugh. FINE. Staci, you have been eliminated never coming back, yadda yadda. Here’s your chute,” he tosses them a pack, which they catch with a thud. 

She sulks, but stands anyway. “Well…” she says, a slight smile coming to her face. “Thanks for the experience!”

Staci waves to Kelly and jumps into the night sky, screaming all the way down. Chris sighs happily. “I missed that. Well, I’ve got a jacuzzi and three seasons of soap opera that are calling my name. See ya!”

The host walks off, leaving the remaining team members behind. 

---

Julia walks into first class, holding a soft chocolate chip cookie. She plops down on the plush, comforting first class seats and leans back. Mal giggles at her phone from across the aisle. 

“What’s funny?” the blonde asks, taking a bite of the baked good. 

Mal clears her throat, quickly switching from live footage of the cargo hold to her Instagram account. “OMG, you’re gonna love this. My mutual posted this new Genshin meme-”

“You know what? Forget I asked,” Julia mumbles. She looks around the cabin. “Where are Thing 1 and Thing 2?”

“Bathroom and galley,” Mal states, matter-of-factly. She plugs her headphones back in and tunes out Julia’s grumbling as she switches back to the raw footage. 

---

ASS: “As surprised as I am to admit it, this arrangement is… working for us, somehow. Now, I don’t want to be in the final three with Mal as much as the next guy, but-”

The door suddenly opens and closes behind someone. 

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize that someone was in here,” Courtney says. “It was unlocked.”

Ass shrugs. “Damn it, I must’ve forgotten. I’ve been kinda off my game lately,”

“Really? I feel like you’ve been doing pretty well,”

“That’s not what I… never mind,” they sigh. “Thanks, I guess. You too.”

Courtney smiles, and then chuckles lightly. “This is crazy, right? I feel like this is pretty crazy,”

“Yeah,” Ass smiles back with a shrug. “Crazy.”

The two beam at each other for a moment and then, without thinking, lean in and kiss. 

---

From back inside first class, Mal’s eyes widen at her phone.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HIII DUDE good afternoon how r u how's the tokyo ghoul rewatch going!! i would. Love 2 hear ur ghostkicks and/or tg thoughts literally at any given time. taking ur joke tags absolutely dead serious because im trying 2 figure out How To Write Them currebtly & we're doin a bit of wrangling in the google doc 😭.

u know i have the brainrot so so so badly because im on episode 3 of tg and all i can think is "i can make a pd au out of this" so im feeling rlly normal abt it basically. im blaming it on unravel.

ANYWAY. ANYWAY. ANYWAY. YEAH. HI. GHOSTKICKS. they are soooooo. tired depressed introvert gets adopted by a loud bubbly extrovert trope. at least on the surface. like how they behave at school in season 1. thinkin abt jimmy going "what is UP with bro behind u" and william just ominously lurking there. and how dakota defends him later !!!!!!!! idk how much of this youve gotten to yet bc i dont remember when it actually comes up in canon bc its such an ingrained part of his character but dakota is soooooo. guard dog coded. this hits especially hard in the "what if pd were villains" oneshot but its sooooo prevalent in canon too.

they both hold each other in the highest respect. william sees dakota as the prime (ha) example of what a hero should be. hes brave hes kind he does his best to protect everyone no matter what. hes all the things that william Isnt. BUT !!!! dakota also looks up to him !!! hes so smart hes good at problem solving hes so curious about everything and asking questions and poking his nose into things that nobody else would even consider. dakota knows hes not smart so he automatically looks to william whenever he needs a plan or someone to tell him what to do when he feels lost. they complement each other and they dont even !!!!! know it !!!!!!!

also regarding williams powers. fuck dude. season 1 he was so fucking scared of himself and ashamed of the things he could do . he hid every time he had to use wisp form !!! but dakota always thought it was so cool and was not QUIET about it. boy went fucking STAR EYES the first time he saw wisp form !!!!!! i will never stop thinking abt the first rolled for season 2 where charlie goes "if dakota hadnt left, he probably wouldve been able to convince william to keep using his powers and not to completely disregard their existence like he has been" and . considering what william is like in season 2... god this wouldve been a COMPLETELY different fucking campaign. theyre so. incredibly soulmates to me. theyre so important to each other theyd do anything for each other. i cant say too much more without accidentally giving you spoilers bc i WILL keep talking and not be able to shut up but GOD fuck ghostkicks enjoyers eat so well in the latter half of s2. moirails. 2 me !!!!!!!

[fictionfixations]

twisted wonderland (and talking about visual novels)

TWISTED WONDERLAND SPOILERS.

and brief mystic messenger mention

okay. so. im getting into twisted wonderland

and. can i just ask. why does the story actually seem cool? also DESIGNS??? WOAHHH.

Maybe I'm biased, I've had the story a bit spoiled to me cause. Okay so I got into Twisted Wonderland because I was reading Katekyou Hitman Reborn! fics, and there's this series filled with Skull being characters from Twisted Wonderland (and other stuff ofc). And I decided, why not, and it seemed so cool (I adore bamf skull), and also. Honestly. My favorite is Riddle Rosehearts. (Also the 'OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!' ability. 1. Ayo CoLLAR ME PLS HAha- 2. I don't know if it gets more extreme but in the fics its been used to kill a bunch of people at once because, y'know, off with your head. The ability seems very cool.)

honestly i have no complaints about the story?? and maybe thats on me because the most experience i have with japanese visual novels is they're all romance games. and i really appreciate it not being that. HELL YEAH. give me my fantasy adventure with disney villains everyday!

i cannot tell you how much i LOVED Ever After High. And then there was Descendants (i think it got so popular that Ever After High got discontinued, which NOOOO)

Anyway I got so obsessed with Descendants. And then I went to a store and there was Descendants stuff and I bought a lot. I don't know why but I even bought like a Mal wig?? I don't even know why, I don't cosplay.

I'm not sure whose related to who and where exactly it fits in the universe (like, for example, if Riddle's related to the queen of hearts or something, no idea), but there's basically these dorms for seven of these like.. villains. Introduction to who they are in the prologue imo is kinda portraying it in a way that you want to be inspired by them? Like, oh, Scar just wanted equality between the Hyenas and the Lions (I think? I haven't watched that movie in so long), and while technically that's kind of true.. I think other stuff happened but I honestly can't remember.

Or like... The. evil queen? I think that's from Snow White's story. Uhh, that she wanted to be the fairest in all the land and was willing to do whatever it takes, which that was something to be admired about. Honestly don't hang on my word if you don't know about the game's story and reading this anyway because I don't remember a lot from the movies.

(ALSO for once not a story where we're assumed to be like, a girl? again, my only experience is those romance games sadly, but oh my god. I've been trying to get back into Mystic Messenger cause I never had the patience for it before, but the

me: I'm not a girl [dialogue option]

707 I think: ..Then why are you here??? Did you miss the 'something something. It was like [for females] or [female-oriented]'

it was 'youdidntreadsweetfantasyforladies?'

apparently its cause korea wasn't supportive of lgbtq stuff so even the more gay-er routes (COUGH COUGH jAEHEE MY BELOVED) were risky, sad.

but i don't know man. (can we talk about how guys are pushed to like those really overly muscular and buff men.? Wouldn't that technically make them possibly more gay? like idk. question:

if a boy were to play with, say, a barbie doll, would that be more gay then

playing with muscular half-naked men??? i really wonder why it's not flipped the other way around to promote f/m instead of f/f or m/m admiration lol)

anyway i got so off topic. and then i got distracted and i dont remember what i was talking about

segway to my next topic:

also. also. can we just. talk about the overblot designs? okay so im spoiling myself and going on the wiki but im not that patient

LOOK AT HOW GORGEOUS. ALSO HEELS. and i cant tell if its heeled boots but STILL. that little dress part that hangs around the body, the thing behind the head i dont know the name of but ive seen it before, the marking on the face reminding me of like one of those widow veils, the flowers around the waist is a nice touch

and the mark on his neck is 👀

like just SQUEEE, its very pretty, i would LOVE to play him but I'm pretty sure that's not possible

and cause overblotting is like a dangerous thing

(ive read that its like a rare thing in a fic but kept happening often since we arrived [one overblot for every 'book' or dorm] but idk if its canon cause i havent gotten to the explanation in the game and i dont think the wiki mentions it)

[grimescum]

(๑'ꇴ'๑) ! ‿‿  𝗷𝗮𝗹𝘆𝗻, 𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗮, dizzy, mal 。。。  istp, het, 17, poc (mixed white + black), girlthing

𝗱𝗻𝗶 𝗶𝗳 18+ only, bigot, exclusionist, racist, -phobe, transmed, pedo

𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘀 open 𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝘂𝗽𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 aug 7th, 2024 ︵︵ ★

♡₊˚ autism & adhd & bpd, hypersexual

♡₊˚ i luv music, fashion, horror, character design, clowns, halloween

♡₊˚ i love friends!!! im not that talkative in dms but please don't be shy!! i lovelovelove to yap

♡₊˚ i edit, i draw, and im hoping to get back into writing. i do requests! you're free to ask me for edits (rentry graphics, wallpapers, moodboards, icons, general edits), character hcs and doodles. donate to me on ko-fi, send me proof of payment and get a colored fullbody drawing!!

♡₊˚ selfshippers and oc x cc encouraged!! love u guys. i don't consider myself to be a selfshipper so no need to worry abt sharing. i wish i had the confidence :'o3 doubles are also ok!! i kin just for fun

♡₊˚ i'd appreciate it if you told me if you're blocking or unfollowing me; you don't have to ofc, but it does help with my anxiety

♡₊˚ occasionally vents. obsessive and violent thoughts that i dont voice often but come out in the form of gore and dark content (i don't act on these thoughts whatsoever)

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝘀 ♡ flea talks flea's art flea's ocs flea's edits flea's clips mecore fav imp

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝘀 | 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘮𝘴 ♡ jjba lupin iii mob psycho reanimator slashers dorohedoro black christmas dungeon meshi fear and hunger golden kamuy guilty gear hellsing hlvrai kaiji metalocalypse scott pilgrim texas chainsaw massacre the magnus archives

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝘀 | 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 | 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 ♡ axl billy faust goemon hijikata jan jigen laios ogata shuro slayer tommy tsukishima tsurumi walter

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝘀 | 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 | 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘴 ♡ a.b.a samarie

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝘀 | 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 | 𝘰𝘤𝘴 ♡ raymond frenzy claudine alan penngrim

kofi | toyhouse | ocs for offer | character playlists

𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘀 ♡ @/fleaseditstuff, @/fhsprites

[expfcultragreen]

I look forward to maybe someday being told im racist for being antibeef--despite how hindus are so offended by the practice that they kill people for it and indigenous amazonians are themselves killed for it (to seize their land for deforested pasture) and its physically compromising for the consumer up to the level of getting a prion disease and dying and its contributing to climate change massively which will mainly kill poor POC globally--because "its black culture," according to the black people who love steak

Lets pivot to Torontonians claiming grooming is black culture

Its insisted (typically ime by nonblack manosphere type dudes who love rap but dont have black friends) that its racist to even question the whole obsession with jailbait let alone judge it as wack and demonstrably socially destructive (i dont hear about it going right, i hear about these drug addled older guys who someone thought was cool, destroying as many lives* as possible to get out from under concretely true allegations...*particularly, the lives of the teens they date....fuck, mal used scott pilgrim to pratically spoonfed it to you all and you still get it wrong, maybe the problem is that the movie script was weirdly pro-jailbait)

Im thinking of one very special person in particular in all this, my type specimen who i personally knew and who isnt drake

But dont mind me, im just "a racist"

[m3wllo]

knocks on your door like a salesman. excuse me (holds out hand like a poor victorian child) ocs??? i need ocs to cure my poor baby boy.,,,,,,,,,, my child is very ill..,,,,

ah an orphan family (explodes you)

OKAY uh. lets see ive got Two New Freaks, Florin Root (last name subject to change but im okay with it for now) and Mal Larceny. Florin is.. some kind of fae royalty runaway whos just trying to live their life peacefully, in their shitty abandoned borderline haunted house (it may actually be haunted but with like, pixies so they dont really notice) and Mal is a Freak whos convinced Florin is not human and both obsessed with "exposing" them and With them. worlds most fucked up yandere/victim dynamic

GHEHEHEH THEN THERES TARR AND LANE. lane im specifically Really happy with the new lore theyve got. theyre both irkens and lane is just. my son named wrinkle with every disease.

theyre an offspring of theee (looks something up) control brains, no i dont know how that works either But im thinking that like. the control brains are computers so surely they have coolant of sorts right? anyways Something Fucking Happened and a smeet got popped out. anyways. lane is very…. fucked up compared to your average irken, something happened in the process of their brith that left them with burn scars, a very weak skeletal structure, and hyper sensitive yet somehow dull senses.

they have like… yknow the antenna addon thingy. AND YEAH THIS COULD WORK BECAUSE IN THE COMICS A SMEET GETS BORN FROM THE FLUID OF ZIMS VOOT CRUISER SO DONT FUCKING LOOK AT ME OKAY? OKAY. also i cant figure out what the fuck the antenna add ons are called and im nearly convinced now that theyre a fanon thing. my autism has failed me, anyways the addons help in both being able to Use their antennas for their purpose (smelling stuff and… whatever else…), help with vision and other brain functions, and also help from letting these senses get too overwhelemed.

also reavers (hello reaver) irken guy, reeb, is their caretaker. also the tallest are Fucking Terrified of lane because i think its funny. and it kind of makes sense. worlds creepiest little smeet. ALSO they get around primarily with their PAK legs, or sometimes let reeb carry them around HOWEVER when disguised as a human they use a wheelchair :3 (i..i almost typed disguised as a wheelchair…)

AND THEN THERES TARR! a little irken explorer whos. good at their job? i mean yeah buddy they sure Do explore but do they report anything meaningful back? not really! this beast has adhd and a childlike sense of wonder. they also have a habit of breaking and entering. their …tolerance..i guess to earth is surprisingly higher than most irkens. i mean water still burns them and stuff but its not as bad. they also like the ocean i think and have modified their ship to be water proof and, yknow, ocean proof. our ocean is Fucked Up (said with love)

[6ftkyle]

not really sp related but what got you into crocheting? is there any other types of crafts that you do or would like to do? :3

ive always been interested in it, esp amigurumi in particular, but i had a very hard time self-teaching. i had also at some point when i was younger tried to teach myself to knit and i could NOT figure it out, so for years i just assumed yarn crafts and i were not meant to be. i could figure out how to chain but i really couldn't get any further than that.

but in late 2019, i started having dinner with my grandma once a week, and to give us something to do after i cooked for us, i asked if she'd teach me to crochet. she's taught other family members and friends, and i thought maybe i'd learn better with a live demo and someone to tell me what i was doing wrong. she taught me the basics, i got really into making simple blankets when the pandemmy hit in 2020, and then i fell out of it pretty quick.

then earlier this year, i decided to get back into it on kind of a whim. i had a lot more free time and i bought a kit for making a crocheted flamingo, figuring it could help me learn now that i knew the basics. it did NOT! it was more confusing that guides i had seen online.

but i realized i had never bothered trying to watch a youtube tutorial for it, which is like, almost embarrassing, because i am learning shit from youtube all the time. i watched and crocheted along with this video

and was able to make a successful ball and from there i just went nuts. i was able to finish the flamingo (a gift for my mom, flamingos are her ~mom animal~) and found the aradiyatoys south park patterns and decided to give them a go as something to keep me busy while mal was at work when i was visiting them. i'd kind of like to redo them now that i'm better at crochet, but the last thing mal needs is duplicates of stuff ive already made orz

as for other crafts i do, i was doing figure painting on 3d printed guys for a while, as well as bedazzling them (where my icon comes from, actually), but i haven't touched that in a while. i also have a button press ive been getting a lot of use out of lately and i like to make keychains with shrink plastic (be kind, my art is 4 years old here). for a short while i was doing shaker keychains with resin as well. i also took a studio art class where i learned how to make paper, do embossing/debossing and how to carve plaster. i would LOVE to do another plaster carving but i don't have the materials at home.

i do this thing where i fall in love with a craft, get deeply obsessed with it for a few weeks, then see a youtube tutorial for something else and move on to a new craft. the fact that ive stuck with crochet this long, is a bit of a surprise to me, but im just very deeply in love with it right now and i think its here to stay for a while.

im also adept at sewing plushes! and i'd like to get back to that, i haven't sewn anything in a long time (i dont even have any examples of my plush work to show, it's been that long 😭) but first i need to reorganize my work space so i have room to lay out fabrics and cut them. i have a couple projects i'd really like to sew, but i need to figure out the pattern for them first.

im also upping the level of detail i can get on my crochet dolls, by incorporating needle felting! my friend sent me this video and while i'm not felting over entire dolls like this, it's been a godsend for adding small details. i'm working on a commission with tiger striping right now and needle felting has completely changed how i decided to approach that project and it looks much better for it.

i've always deeply respected crafting, and i LOVE to see people doing fandom related crafts. like don't get me wrong, i also deeply respect illustrators and authors, but there's something really uniquely special to me about seeing someone channel their love of a piece of media into crafts that are written off as like 'granny activities'.

for crafts i'd like to learn, i am so so so into the idea of customizing dolls. it's basically an amalgamation of a lot of crafts and skills i've already done, and at the end of it i'd have a dolly of my special little guys (i am constantly rotating the idea of making a doll of my next gen oc CC. shes so special to me). i did 3d print a doll and string it. i got as far as making & inserting the eyes and making a wig cap, but i never finished the wig because i lost my straightener so i can't make wefts for it.

as of right now, i'm really only focused on crochet though! it's my income at the moment, so i can't afford (literally haha) to get distracted from it

a huge thank you and a lot of love to anyone who actually sat there and read thru this whole thing lmao. i love crafting so so so much and i am always willing to talk about it with anyone who will listen. esp other crafters! please show me your crafts, show me your wips, tell me about your processes, i cannot emphasize how much i love hearing about it all.

[ma-lark-ey]

Lark Liveblogs Literature episode 3: Six of Crows duology

As we did with Harry Potter, Shadow & Bone Trilogy, and will be doing with The Mortal Instruments when I get back around to them I am liveblogging my reactions to Six of Crows.

What I know prior:

- We’ve got a guy named Kaz, he’s got a cane. My younger sister tells me I’ll adore him so I trust her judgement.

- There’s also a guy named Jesper, who one of my mates stole the name from for a water genasi. He’s queer??

- we also have someone named Wylen. My sister loves him a lot and tells me I will also love him though I am sceptical.

1.) Six of Crows (5/4/23— 10/4/23)

(8/10)

Right off the bat, I really love Inej! Her perspective is really lovely and her affection (/p) for Kaz is very clear from the get-go. It’s so juicy to meet our main protagonist from the perspective of an admirer and NOT themself. I’m obsessed with that.

I’m very respectfully in love with Kaz and did not say I’d makeout with him in the groupchat in front of god and everyone. No, sir. I am the most normal about Kaz Brekker.

Moving on from my goof, I really love Kaz just as a character. Having a disabled protagonist, much less one that’s Top Dog and very clearly feared and respected by his peers is SO GOOD. And quite honestly I think he’s the first disabled protag I’ve seen that wasn’t like, pity porn or magically nullified (at least in books. Love you Toph of Avatar fame). So if anyone has good reccs of other disabled protag books, drop ‘em. I’d love to read more.

OH I LIED ACTUALLY I READ STORMRUNNER!! I just didn’t get a chance to finish that series entirely so sorry I forgot about that. Love him SO MUCH. he and Kaz are my besties.

Inej 💖💖💖

Thats all.

Also the Banter!!! I’m not even a hundred pages in but the banter in Six of Crows is SO much better than Shadow & Bone. Bardugo has really grown as an author between these two series and it shows. The characters feel much more solid in this. Whereas Shadow & Bone’s characters (minus like, Alina, Nikolai, and Mal) felt extremely 2D at times (in my opinion) and I can see layers to Jesper, Inej, and Kaz right off the bat.

MATTHIAS H E L L O TOXIC MAN OF THE WEEK. im going to eat him.

My sister is fighting for her LIFE defending Matthias but I. THIS MAN IS A CONVICTED SLAVE TRAFFICKER??? SHE SAID ITS NOT HIS FAULT. girl. Get help.

Forgot to update this. Kaz is SOOOOO downbad. He’s DOWNBAD. just kiss her idiot. IDIOT. Wylan is funny, I wanna flick him on the forehead and ruffle his hair. He’s so goofy.

I’m not fully convinced Jesper ISN’T in love with Kaz.

THIS FIREPOX FLASHBACK IS A SPECIAL KIND OF FUCKED UP !!! “Together, they drifted, Jodie’s distended body acting as a raft.” Kaz…..

PIECED TOGETHER WHY KAZ HAYES TOUCH IM LITERALLY GOING TO CRY

EVERYONE IN THIS BOOK DOWN BAD FOR EACH OTHER!!! LOVE HEXAGON FR.

The Jylan Wesper whatever the fuck this shipname is development is literally such a tone change from Kaz I’m LAUGHING.

Kaz: This is how my brother died, audience.

Jesper, boutta catch himself a twink: cowabummer.

Nina. Nina you’re better than this. Nina how could you get the alarm sounded. NINA.

Okay debriefing after part five. I’m so. So. So.

Kaz and Inej better kiss. Jesper stop flirting you are about to die. Matthias I almost killed you alive. I wanted to burn you at the stake fr. Nina you’re a queen. You’re theiving. Kaz dont die so you can admit emotional vulnerability for the first time ever. Jesper so proud of you for overcoming tour cringe crush on Kaz. Hurry ip and makeout with Wylan this tension is PAINFUL.

THE ENDING THE ENDING THE ENDING SHSBSBSBSB THATS SO MUCH IM GOING TO EAT WYLAN I LOVE HIM. BOY OF ALL TIME. ILL MAKE OUT WITH YOU.

2.) Crooked Kingdom (13/4/23-17/4/23)

(9/10)

Listen. Okay. My Tumblr was glitched out for the first half of this book so I couldnt say anything but I can NOW.

All of this is WILD.

Kaz Brekker, you are stupid and dumb and I NEED you to be honest about your emotions for ONCE. i swear to GOD you pathetic little WORM.

Wylan’s mother what the HELL. what is HAPPENING. This is so fucked up I hope Jan Van Eck gets his life fucking destroyed by Kaz fuck him UP.

Kuwei i love and hate you so much you cheeky fuck that was so sly but also how fucking dare you do Jesper like that. Little shit. You’ve been too heavily influenced by these deceitful little canal rats.

Wylan babygirl I love you. I’ll kill you if you ACTUALLY spilled to your dad. Honestly thank god Kaz barely tells you anything. I love you. Rot in hell for this one.

STURMHOND 💓💓💓 NIKOLAI LANTSOV 💖💞🖤💚💞 I DIDNT EXPECT TO SEE YOU IM SO HAPPY YOURE HERE I MISSED YOU BESTIE MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH IM SUCH A NIKOLAI GIRLIE YOU GUYS.

Oh update on Matthias I’m neutral on him now. Sorry for my Matthias slander earlier. I do still have beef.

Everytime a plot twist happens in this book its like “YES. MICHAEL. what do you want now? More money? A check? My SOUL?”

Okay Wylan. Sorry I cussed you out so bad. You’re good. We’re friends again

MATTHIAS DIES????

Wild ride through and through. Obsessed with this. I would’ve liked to see more of Inej’s closure than we did— but I’m not mad at it. I think Pekka being the closing chapter was. I dont know. I have neutral feelings on the Pekka chapter.

I do think I like Crooked Kingdom more than Crows? I really liked it a lot !! And. I will be honest with myself and admit its because of the Sturmhond content. I know myself. I can admit when I am foaming at the mouth over my #1 bestie babe of all time Nikolai Lantsov.

That’s. All. I suppose?

Really did enjoy it !! If you have a fic where we see more of Inej and her family reuniting. Drop it. Or recs in general. I need more recs. I dont know the tag culture of this fandom yet <<3 scary <<3

Next series: All For the Game, Nora Sakavic.

Bonus:

Here’s my ranking of the Crows, btw. I love them all but some. Significantly more than others not sorry.

1. Wylan Hendricks

2. Inej Ghafa

3. Kaz Brekker

4. Jesper Fahey

5. Nina Zenik

6. Matthia Helvar

I dont know if this is a hot take or not. I just. <<3 Wylan and Inej <<3

[courtney-deserved-better]

my opinion on td finalists

spoiler alert, im not a fan of most

TDI: Owen & Gwen

uh I personally don’t like either of these guys for finalists. gwen did do a lot but there were so many times where she just acted so apathetic I was like why?? are you still here?? and as for owen... I didnt like him as a character for a Long Time and he's growing on me but he just doesnt seem like finale material

I think a duncan versus leshawna finale would've been super fun to watch. especially if they teamed up to take down heather in the semifinal. those two had such a fun dynamic, especially in the triathlon episode, that I think taking it to the finale would've been fantastic. also leshawna deserved to win that season and you cannot change my mind

TDA: Duncan & Beth

duncan, while not my first choice, I can see making it through to the finale this season. but beth?? no. im sorry but shes just too much of a side character and is canonically fake nice and annoys everyone else so it doesn’t really make sense

an interesting finale would’ve been duncan versus courtney considering how volatile their relationship was this season. however, bc courtney was kinda awful to duncan, I dont think she deserves to win this season. it would be cool if there was one ending where their votes tied and they made up and decided to split the money but that just feels too tame, both for a finale and for their dynamic

harold versus duncan could be interesting, but because duncan tends to bully harold, I dont think his win would be fair in this situation. I think lindsay versus harold would be the best, as this season is about lindsay learning to take charge and come up with strategies, and while he can be off-putting and occasionally condescending, I think harold has a lot of useful skills that could really flourish in the finale

TDWT: Heather & Alejandro

while I dont ship them at all, I truly dont think there could've been a more satisfying final two. we’ve had their rivalry build up from day one, they have a ton of good songs together, it really completes heather’s arc of antagonist to antihero to protagonist. heather winning is the best ending in my mind, but I like  alejandro winning too. the only problem I have with his ending is that it only happened because heather threw in the wrong dummy-- I think it would’ve been more clever for him to have switched them or something like that

ive been thinking about some other final twos that I think would be interesting, though unable to top the canon one imo. gwen versus courtney would be really cool because of the friends turned enemies thing-- I think it would be interesting for courtney to be put in danger and gwen has a choice of saving her or going for the money and she save courtney before apologizing again (maybe dumping duncan) and the two make up and split the money. 

though I don’t really enjoy either as characters mostly due to their writing, cody and sierra would be an interesting final two. maybe cody finally stands up to sierra, or sierra struggles with wanting to be the winner of total drama or helping the boy she likes win. it definitely wouldn't be as good as the canon two but there would be a lot of clashing dynamics at play that'd be fun to explore

TDROTI: Lightning & Cameron

admittedly, I don’t remember too much from this season, but it really felt like these two kind of coasted by. I never found lightning to be a particularly compelling character and thought it weird how he suddenly went from dumb jock to evil jock in the last episode or two. cameron really felt like he was just carried through the season, similarly to beth, though I dont have as much as an issue with him winning. I dont think it was a bad finale, per se, I just think if those were the final two they should've been written better from the start

seeing as how jo really played the game and went all in, I think she would’ve been a great finalist. it would’ve been interesting to see her versus (commando?) zoey though im not the biggest zoey fan. I think a jo versus lightning finale could actually work (or brick) though if there was a jo versus cameron finale, I couldn't see him logically winning bc jo would just destroy him

TDAS: Mike & Zoey

*BIG FUCKING INHALE* no. just no. im probably not gonna say anything that’s not already been said so ill keep it short. bland, mal writing bad, have someone who's been in the game for 3 previous seasons instead of  1 make it to the ALL STARS FINALE. jfc.

you know what would’ve been an interesting finale? gwen versus courtney. they both said they wanted to reach the final two with the other one, so maybe they do! maybe they start to struggle with their friendship because of courtney’s competitive streak! maybe one of their helpers is duncan and that causes strife between them! maybe they become enemies again and don’t make up until the finale! maybe they decide to split the money! idk! it would've had a hell of a  lot more flavor than what we got

TDPI: Shawn & Sky

I don’t really have an issue with either of these characters making it to the finale. they’re compelling, worked hard, and have distinct goals. I would’ve liked to see jasmine in the finale but I'd be cool replacing either one with her: jasmine and shawn having to compete against one another would be an interesting relationship hurdle and sky versus jasmine would've been cool because they’re both very athletic and it would’ve been the first f vs f total drama finale (we've had m vs f and m vs m but no all-girl finales...)

TDRR: Surfer Dudes & Police Cadets

Again, I don’t really have an issue with this finale. I really like how Sanders and MacArthur both work hard in their own ways and have to learn how to work together (MacArthur breaking Sanders’ arm and realizing that she can negatively affect her partner and also that Sanders is super tough was a GREAT arc). I know there’s been some contention about the Surfer Dudes being eliminated and then coming back so late in the game, but it made sense to me. They chose to lose because they felt that they owed it to Devin and Carrie, and that choice paid off when Devin and Carrie called in a replacement team. I doubt the surfers expected that to happen, they were just trying to be fair, but that kindness was rewarded in a big way which I think was sweet, especially  considering how much of a hot mess this show can be. 

I gotta say, this does kinda remind me of the TDI finale, with the villain (heather/ice dancers) getting eliminated third, and their rival (gwen/police cadets) making it to the finale with the fun guy (owen/surfer dudes). The reason I like the Surfer Dudes as finalists more than Owen is that I felt they put in more effort during challenges and had more of an arc (with Josee’s mind games ending up bonding them as a team after strife, choosing to be eliminated for the sake of fairness, etc). 

Speaking of Owen, it’s kind of ironic that if I had to replace a team in the finale, I would replace the surfer dudes with the reality tv pros. they’re my favorite team and I think it wouldve been great for them to really live up to their name. I think it also would've been funny for the ice dancers to be so focused on their rivalry with the cadets that the pros just completely go under their radar until its the final three and the ice dancers are like “oh crap they’re PROS why haven't we been trying to destroy them??”

I also wouldn't mind replacing the surfer dudes with the sisters. I know emma gets a lot of hate (mostly because of nemma which I only like platonically) but I actually like her as a character (when she wasn’t being obsessive) and I think she and kitty were a great team that had a good arc of learning to work together. I also think it would be really interesting because for the final three they would all have rivalries with one another: the police cadets and the ice dancers (obvious) the ice dancers and the sisters (josee messed with them in at least 2 challenges) and the sister and the police cadets (kitty and macarthur’s game/road rage was hilarious)

[theonewhoimagined]

help im obsessed with shadow and bone now all because of ben barnes as the darkling and also childhood bff tropes are my weakness :(( mal was just so sweet and beautiful i cried every time he was shot and wounded (which was like 75% of the time). yes i know book!mal is a different story, but hello after archie's marvelous performance?!

im not the type to root for the bad guy, but ben barnes played the villain so well and the chemistry with alina was iNTENSE. the tension was palpable and gosh had it been me i'd say yes i'll go into the fold with you, darkling, no worries. and omg pls don't get me started on EP 5 🤪

i know there are differences from the books and im not totally satisfied with the show's pacing, but i am having second thoughts about reading them because I DONT WANT TO HATE MAL 😭 i mean who can after watching show! mal. however, i do want to meet nikolai so...

anyway, i think shadow and bone is the best YA book to live-action adapatation i've ever seen. im happy for the fans of the grishaverse and im so excited for season 2!!! oh how i missed fangirling over a YA book being adapted. last time i did this was for hunger games yes im pretending divergent doesnt exist

[vernons-laugh-is-my-aesthet-blog]

Memeteen guide to Seventeen

S.coups: 

carats make fun of his stage name holding a couple s.coups of icecream and a S.cup of noodles 

chicc

the poor man between jeongjicheol

papa coups 

embarrasing dad

wings it at choreo sometimes

has 12 children 

wants to c h o k e jeonghan

the type of dad that would challenge his 5 yr old child to a game of soccer and then gets too competitive and swerves that bitch to get goals

 his smile and his smile alone gave one of Seventeen's stages a crap ton of views

say the name!

camel

piggy bank

beagle leader

“eyes look like 9:15″

eyelashes for ddaayyyysss

Everybody SCREAMM

fireworks are the only enemy

My EGG YOLK T-T

members rebel against him at times

someone save him

Jeonghan:

John-Oops I mean Jeonghan

Laying down is his preferred physical state

swindler

long hair majestic unicorn and short hair majestic prince. He majestic no matter what fam

"Joshua was the first one to approach me"

 toucher of asses 

shamelessly feeds off of members' love 24/7

Makes members have couple wallpaper and phone cases with him 

 "angel"

the mother of Seventeen

“Dino, nugu aegi?”

All members are under his spell

giraffe running

Jeonghan's warm cup of milk

sa-sa-say the name seventeen 

Doubts OFD pds

bitter smile of betrayal 

vernon crushed his balls once

athletic with no stamina

creator of the Carat mating call: *incoherent screaming*

Joshua:

Gentleman

fukn weeaboo

the b e s t freestyle rapper in Seventeen. Dont @ me

ded meme(?) "Jisoos Christ"

The 'normal one'-SIKE bitch

That poor waterbottle

When-one-of-the-members-wear-a-shirt-with-questionable-english-words-everyone-blames-me-lol  guy

I pledge allegence to the flag of the united states of amerca and to the re-

dRinK WaTeR

pin drop and worm master +uncle dance

pingpong vlive 

“EAT THIS” signature move

"over here"

The english teacher everyone wants and deserves 

white cap

Chicken can heal the heart

L.A motherfuckerss

piggy bank

"Ïm part of vocal unit too! T-T"

Jun

Heechul's reincarnated body that was too early bc he aint ded lol

chinaline

child actor 

nyeac nyeac 

logos are out to get him 

eyeroll king 

punny and awkward

king of china

404 lines not found

My I now

"Ice ice froze." (that crazy in love Wonwoo lyric) moments

sexy expression

convinced he is the number one visual 

shy vlives

proceeds to tell members to call him handsome in chinese

ofd positivity boy

Hoshi: 

naega hosh + pose

 What time is it? 10:10 bitches

‘ten hour ten minute’

 shinee’s biggest fanboy

 from soft 1 to hipthurst 100  real quick.

HAM HAM. HAMHAMHAMHAM

My name’s soonyoung call me soon

hamster cheeks

suffers with spicy food

beurora hurricane

Coco his chicken 

his love for the angsty teen makne 

"HEy MIDDLE" 

glitter face

pretty u first win cry face

Mounteen

kwon fire

 making dances out of things that inspire him; ex: crab, octopus, noodles, street lamp, backpack

kwon edward soonyoung 

refuses to be bottom visual 

rivalry with seungkwan and wonwoo 

claps like a child

KWON SOONYOUNG FIGHTING *wakes up* 'YYEEEEAAAHHH"

Grandma

Wonwoo:

lowkey highkey loves his own visuals 

beanie bro 

garden fairy 

voice so deep adele's rollin in it 

"life is hamburger"

cheese burger aegyo 

emo 

let him sing fam

fukn nerddd 

sick wonwoo days with the plushy

Tsundere™

make him an actor pls 

got hit in the balls with a ball one time 

nose crinkle 

specs 

lack of highfives

middle school’s dance machine

him vs. Hoshi in ofd japan

bag of luck

Woozi:

Smol bean that would kill for a single cornchip 

Reminds me of a old grandpa teddy bear idk lol 

Done with life, hates aegyo and human contact, but will accept it when he wants to

members mock his crying from pretty u first win every chance they get 

if he does anything out of character they tease him about it till no end tbh

Suga's son

his need to grab and hit people when he laughs

guitar is his greatest weapon

ccrriinnggeee & finger ccurrlll

producer-nim

 adore u is a funky pop song that has fun and fresh lyrics that match seventeen's age on top of an addictive melody 

members exposing his ass in project svt

Dk:

the actual sun

 built in speakers bc he loud as shit 

sacrifices his beautiful face to make people laugh

 smile that can cure all the worlds sickness

 stop eating cds

woojoos_daddy

‘come to daddy’ tee

horsemin MAL

pigeon

GRILLED PPPORRKK

 chicc

 pure and goes along with jokes the best 

heLL0 mY naMe Is LeE SeOkMIN my moTheR’S naMe Is

hightone rap

wat is basketball? 

do it from your heart 

Jeonghan's fool 

mosquito 

Happy birfthday broo

orange peel king

wow, unbeliebable  

Grandpa

Two-teen

Mingyu:

MingEW and all his sneezin

flowercap boi 

tol and clumsy

If Seventeen doesnt drop somethign, Mingyu certainly will 

actually very organized and neat 

Minghousewife 

was a cheeto for a split second

proud father of OG BongBong 

Mingyu sunbaenimmm

Seventeen cant live without their swiss army knife 

Akita sound

oh. my. god. Oho My GOD

‘Your name is bob’

Where Is Your Tag???

squeals 

"Seventeens official visual" 

oooo000OOO yEAh 

The8: 

got7 bambam taught him how to dab and he never looked back since

 thughao

IMMA

before: Yeah I'll have her home before 10 ^-^ 

          now: she'll spend a night at my house ;)

nunchuuk daddy

404 no lines found pt.2

now My I

his predebut pictures are  e p i c

side-eye king

arms for days

fashionista

rolled thin porkbelly hair

learns more korean to roast bitches

flipping is his preferred transportation 

dirty dirty jamjam ^-^ *svt flipps out in cringe* 

Kermit is his bitch

Seungkwan: 

fresh baked buns bebe

divaboo

 just put boo in any word and it gets 100 times better

supports AND hates aegyo

Beyonce who?

MCboo, talk talk talk. 

"Thomas the train" omg rip XD 

Vernon's number 1 fan

OHMYGOD JASMIN

cries in jeju accent

John?

Boonon, svts rapper 

Oh Laaaddiieesss~~ this is your story 

red 

haunted house screaming 

volleyball fanatic

 kimbap kidding? 

Crab walks away 

Son of Jeju 

fashTion 

'13th visual' (fuk nah)

Im the BEST quality 

Vernon:

child actor but never fukn talks about it

attempts vocal runs

looks confused most of the time  

iconic rap lines "pull up on you wacks with a mac fuly loaded", “i'm only seventeen i only got a few dollars” "Chili Chicken in the microwave"

fortune cookie hair 

headlines headlines ( HaJiMAaaaAa, dont mention smtm4)

his obsession with hotline bling

"speaks english, but forgets that one english word" (bilingual problems)

Person: h- 

          Vernon: I was born in america but moved to korea when I was five 

Kidney function is not a right its a privilege

woke af

His mom is my bias

teeth

bubble pop

*slightly lifts glasses* 'ding' 

sofia

Leonardo Dicaprio AND Leonardo Divinci

Dont take him fishing

stitch

Dat laugh tho

lotto

My favorite part of Seungkwan is-

Dino:

Michael Chanson

"Im growing!"

not Jeonghan's aegi

we will now forget mansae era duck ass hair

Diamond makne

“he’s going through puberty now”-Hoshi

a new born savage

Makne’s visual ranking

GloUp of the century

"michael jackson version" 

bitter smile 

loud laugh 

*runs over hoshi's toes with scooter* 

*scrolls through phone and half-heartedly says*  I love you.