#im ready for it and ive always been. i just want to also sort out Other stuff deep within

[ravewing]

honestly after rereading arc 2 ive realized that ive come to like the idea of qinter than the actual canon version of it.

like at the end of the day ive been a qinter fan since i was in third grade so of course im going to be biased towards it and itll always hold a special place in my heart but i must say that a lot of their canon interactions were just qibli making jabs at winter to a point where it sort of seemed like he didn't like it anymore?? if that makes sense?? dont get me wrong i love the sunshine x grumpy dynamic but with them idk.

i cant lie i feel like the entire jade winglet completely cut winter off and they were always against him even though literally he was completely justified in pretty much everything he did?? like im sorry but him going to save hailstorm (HIS BROTHER THAT HE THOUGHT WAS DEAD FOR YEARS) rather than going to look for the ancient nightwing who has killed hundreds of his tribe was perfectly reasonable. the vase scene was completely reasonable (could you imagine YOUR best friends defending the man who put you under a spell and wanted to commit genocide on your people and wipe them out entirely?? id be pissed as hell). to an extent, winter being suspicious about moon and the cave explosion was reasonable (i do agree that he came off as very aggressive in that, but at the same time you have to see things from his point of view. how WOULD she have known about the bomb?? not to mention how hes been conditioned and indoctrinated to distrust nightwings).

i feel like qibli especially comes at winter for these things and tells him that hes wrong for it and that hes being toxic even though hes LITERALLY NOT. and the whole thing with him saying that if he had animus magic that he would change winter's personality always rubbed me the wrong way. i feel like toxic is too strong of a word but i dont think that theyd be necessarily healthy together, not until theyve matured a little more and have found better ways to cope with their past traumas instead of repressing it and putting on this charming guy who makes jabs at people persona or taking it out on other people through anger and frustration.

in all honesty i feel like tui shouldve gone with moon not making a choice in the qibli/winter/moon love triangle to sort of show that you dont need to be with someone to be happy and that its okay to stay as just friends– icl, thats how i thought that it was going to end when i first read arc 2. i feel as though moonbli was a little rushed, and i do like the idea of winterwatcher (just like i do with qinter) but i dont think that he's emotionally ready for a relationship. also this is unrelated but when initially reading book 6 i thought that moon was going to end up with turtle; ive always thought that theyd be cute together lol.

im thinking about it now and i really like the idea of turtle and winter but i cant for the life of me remember if theyve ever had any one on one interactions. if theres anything please can someone send in reblogs ..

im getting off topic now so tldr i like the version of qinter that exists in my head but i feel like they shouldnt be together in canon, not at least until they sort out their own issues.

[candy8448]

Nothing like opening my eyes to a new linked universe update

Dawn pt8

My occasional source of dopamine XD

Its very satisfying seeing how all the traveling layers are put on. You can really imagine this scene animated

So a lot of important things were discussed, stuff the fandom have noticed before but its good that jojo finally mentioned them herself:

Shadow is the only this associated with the portals (pg1)

I LOVE how so many traits and experiences of the characters are shown here!!

Wild taking the blame first, he's got one heck a guilt complex (pg2)

We are just hit with everyone's emotions right off the bat and i love that!

I kinda like how blunt Time is

Wars talking about how "helping the wound isn't an option," things they must consider during war (pg3)

Legend trying to lighten the mood again like he always does (pg4)

I like to see how what they think of wolfie has changed now that they know it was twilight. Wars thinking its fine if the animal goes off alone cuz it doesnt understand but now making it clear that he doesn't like it

Secrets are getting in the way (such as wolfie) and hindering their process. Maybe it wouldn't have been so clunky if tgey knew exactly who wolfie is

WARS' SCARF IS BACK BABY! I got so excited when i saw it that page, dont worry guys, he has it back now!

Legend with his puzzle mind :))) my legend-centric brain is happy (pg5)

But his teasing almost boastfullness ("it just got lucky") but then turning in to actual contemplation, i love that he is also taking things seriously

Its actively seeking them out, Hyrule is wary that it will find them, like in his adventure (pg6)

They need to get better at teamwork

Four bringing in the joke about friendly fire. He definetly knows a lot about that (im reading the four swords manga for the first time and am near the begining sooo)

They need to use their arsenal

I just gotta say that i love this shot, very pleasing to my eye for some reason. But im so excited to see how everything goes with this! Im guessing in the near future, they will be taking these but to the extreme that it hinders them so they need to practice or something

Oof poor hyrule so tired of strong monsters, his games were HARD (pg7)

The power up on the sword! Ive seen a post about it before so its cool that they are noticing it, very important too!

I like the firmness with sky and time's ideas of the sword. Even though time says nothing about her we can see it, and the fact that she still sees him as her master (obviously!) It seems like they both need to sort out this dissagreement in order to not impact them even more (Pg8)

I love this especially because i just made a fic about exploring sky's and others' relationship with the master sword

I can't help but think that sky is thinking about more than just this quest in this update and back to his own adventure and maybe ghirahim. More bits in this update also make me think that ("he wants to fight" "yeah, 'cause he wont")

Wind being the one most eagre to fight! And Hyrule being the one most ready to go! I love that!

I was just thinking a few bays ago about what happened to those letters, i guess we get to see now! It seems like it might be one more update before we set off properly again (pg9)

Sky looking so happy about the mail at the end :)))

We really do get a piece of everyone and their personalities in this one

Im so excited for them to be on the road again!

[the-bonfires-ember]

ive been thinking about that thing people say about mental illness. yknow, 'its not a part of your personality' 'dont make it your identity' etc

but when you have a personality disorder, that doesnt really make sense anymore.

which makes my feelings on cluster b pride flags a little conflicted. coz, sure, it is fundamentally a part of your personality and certainly shapes your identity, but something about pride flags has always been off to me. perhaps especially as a person with aspd.

now, sure, on the one hand i get it. theres something appealing about having that kind of validation that you arent alone, especially when you are constantly masking and shifting who you are to fit the situation best.

we might have antisocial personality disorder but we are still, at our core, social creatures. we still desire community, we're just also afraid of it.

so yeah, a banner of community and others 'like us' seems fair enough, right?

BUT

theres still something... off to me about it. what it was, exactly, only came to me after a discussion with my partner about DID and PluralKit - yeah i know, im diving into plural drama now, lfg i guess

they showed me an infographic about the process of DID recovery which showed the progression from very disconnected and separated identities to a more blended 'final fusion' (a term they take issue with but thats a different story). i said that PluralKit must be confusing for people on the later ends of the spectrum they were showing me because, at that point, how do you tell who is blending with who? when the lines are blurry, how do you know who to tag yourself as? it seemed like an inhibitor to recovery if you were constantly cutting yourselves off from each other. (this is not me saying anything one way or the other about plurals and recovery in DID or whatever the fuck else, im just using this as an example. stfu i dont care about your opinions on any of this so dont waste your breath)

i think my feelings on aspd flags is somewhat similar. coz i mean, they are pride flags, right? and i think if you are taking pride in being aspd then you are far more likely to lean into your symptoms, and i think thats a slippery slope to go down and has just a very 'anti-recovery' vibe, if you know what i mean.

with that all said, i also very much think that if you dont want to recover, you dont have to. i dont think you can force anyone to recover and i dont think you should even try to. recovery is fucking shit and its hard and if you arent ready for it, you are just going to hurt whoever you are trying to make recover.

but i also think that you can have that opinion, whilst also being a voice for recovery, and be against 'anti-recovery' thinking.

because look, like it or not aspd is a fucking disorder. and at some point that becomes unhelpful or it wouldnt be a disorder. symptoms of aspd are debilitating and pretending otherwise that helps nobody. especially with all the 'all pwASPD are evil' scum out there.

so yes, i think the pride flags are... unhelpful at best and harmful at worst. but what about the other stuff? the creatures alla tbh creature and the plushiedreadful rabbit? (i think both of those designs suck btw but thats not the point)

idk those feel like they are in a different category. theres not really a sense of pride in those, more a sense of comfort. again, community, but also a sort of softness(??) that the pride flag things seem to miss - especially when they are like 'vampire aspd' or 'evil aspd' or any of the other bullshit things ive seen out there. i guess they are also just way more 'mental illness' coded than pride flags are.

pride flags have always been a 'we're here and theres nothing wrong with us' kind of thing. but the creatures and the bears are more lighthearted and sort of making fun of the conditions a little bit. highlighting symptoms and coping mechanisms. just look at the imocreature - specifically the worm one which is my favourite - and the way its able to be so pathetic looking and cute. its not meant to be cool or badass or whatever else, its just a lil guy that gets sad without supply.

which, yknow, relatable.

[cumulo-stratus]

hey pookie!!! I saw your requests are open and I know you’re doing flufftober but I would adore you even more (idk if that’s even possible) if you would write something about reader coming out as genderfluid to Spencer? Maybe they just got together and they are nervous about what he’ll say? Just tons of fluff!!! Love you 💋💋💋💗🫶 xoxo

Like We Always Do

(GIF NOT MINE)

Request: Yes/No

Pairing: Fiancé!Spencer x Genderfluid!reader

description: after Spencer proposes to his partner they decide they have to tell Spencer what they had been thinking about for months- and Spencer is always ready to support his partner

Warnings: fluff, possible swearing

A/N: Thank so much for the love/support ma biche!! this is such a cute idea i love it sm! just wanna let you know since on top of school and fencing im still catching on flufftober it wont be super quick, but ill try my best additionally, im going to mostly have reader be presenting/using masc/gn pronouns. Also pls let me know if there any inaccuracies since im not gender fluid myself- and I'll try to fix them right away! (Again im litteraly fucking obsessed with this idea it's so cute)

Spencer given y/n an absolutely wonderful day- they had a relaxing morning book shopping at spencers favorite local bookshop- but as the afternoon approached Spencer became more and more nervous.  he had planned every moment in his head, and had been running through them continuously. Now spencer knew y/n would probably say yes- he had the statistics to back him up but he couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming anxiety creeping through him. The train finally pulled to a stop at their station and the screeching of metal on metal and the ambient hum of people starting to shuffle off, startled spencer out of his pensive sort of trance. Knowing Y/N’s aversion to crowded spaces he took his hand and led him to another exit on the other end of the carriage- placing a small kiss on his boyfriends knuckles eliciting a small giggle from Y/n 

After they made the last leg of their journey to the beautiful park where the couple  nhad their first date- spencer led y/n a  small path in the forested area, surrounded by bright orange and yellow and red trees. The autumn colored leaves swayed softly in the gentle breeze- causing an ambient rustling. Y/ns hand still grasped tightly in spencers they started their way down the path. They walked for about 30 minutes- conversation drifting everywhere from books to politics to work, and even a little bit of work gossip from y/ns job. 

Finally they reached a spot that looked over a small pond- the sun starting to set and reflecting onto the water below. 

They came to a stop and Spencer took y/n's hands in his- looking into his eyes. When y/n noticed Spencer's intense gaze they looked at him worriedly. Spencer couldn't help himself- the combination of the weight of the ring in his pocket, and y/ns caring gaze. Before he even realized what he was doing he was down on one knee, looking up at Y/n.

This caught Y/n completely off guard and they gasped- finally understanding what spencer was doing. And tears came to y/ns eyes as spencer asked them to marry him. 

“Y/n, we’ve been together for 2 years- and it’s been some of the best 2 years of my life. Ive laughed, I’ve smiled- but most of all I’ve loved, and i want to love with you for the rest of my life…”

at this point y/n had tear tracks all over their cheeks and spencer looked up at y/n expectedly. And when y/n nodded yes excitedly spencer shot up from his kneeling position to pull Y/n into an extremely tight hug, at one point even picking them up and spinning them around. Finally spencer let go of his now fiance and looked them in the eyes, but thats when he noticed that y/ns face had fell. Spencer was immediately worried and took Y/ns hands in his again asking “love, is something wrong? are you okay?” Y/n only looked down, almost as if embarrassed or shameful. 

“spence. I- i cant…”

"You can't what? Do you not like the ring? We can get another one!"

Y/m chuckled dryly at Spencer's worried demeanor and said

i 

" No- I love the ring- I just can't accept it without telling you something..." he looked slightly relieved, but still concerned for his partner. 

“love you can tell me anything, just go ahead”

y/n shut their eyes tight, bracing themselves for what they were about to do.

“i think im genderfluid..- ive been thinking about it for months now but i didnt tel you because i was scared of what you’d say but if we’re taking the next step i need to know you’ll accept me..”

At this point y/n was rambling, still avoiding looking at spencer. His gaze softened as y/n explained their thoughts. And spencer couldn’t help but take y/ns face in his hands, forcing them to look at him. And when they made eye contact, y/n trailed off. This gave spencer his opportunity to once again pour his heart out for the person in front of him. 

“oh y/n.. i will always accept you. Regardless of your gender identity, your pronouns, how you dress, you’ll still be the same person thats gonna laugh with me, is gonna kiss me and is gonna hold e when i need it the most. Becuase that’s what you do y/n!” Spencer laughed a little when he said it, before continuing “you care for people endlessly..- and thats what makes you you. Not how you identify or what pronouns you use. So I’ll always accept you.. okay?” 

Spencer looked into Y/ns eyes intently as he asked this, making sure y/n understood that he would love them eternally. y/n just nodded, to speechless at spencers response to form words. Finally spencer took y/n in a deep, passionate and loving kiss. And when they finally pulled away for that pesky air- spencer spoke again. 

“I dont know exactly how it’s all gonna work-“ because despite spencers vast and encyclopedic knowledge, he didnt know much about being gender-fluid. “But we’ll figure it out together- like we always do.” Y/n looked up at spencer with complete love and adoration in their eyes and responded simply with 

“Like we always do..”

The end 

[planetseph]

inside my love

I. Hello, I Love You

plot: It’s 2024 in Gotham City, NJ. Bruce Wayne is a college student (for no real reason but Alfred insisted he get out of the house during the day for once). (Y/N) (L/N) is a somewhat stable college student with a whole bunch of personality. These two might change each other’s lives.

pairing: battinson!bruce wayne x black!reader

words: 904 words

a/n: hey y'all!! this is my first ever ff (that ive posted), so i rlly hope everybody likes it!! updates might be slow moving but ive already posted the first three chapters on ao3 under jasontoddsdayone, so im gonna post them all here. this was written with a black girl in mind, but anyone can read it!! i hope yall enjoy mwah <3

chapter 2: heart to heart

Being a junior in college is just about as hellish as being a junior in high school. Both times you should be on the verge of “success”, but instead you feel like everything’s collapsing on you at once and you’re being thrown into a world you don’t know yet. At least, that’s what (y/n) believed. How could all these years have passed and she still felt the same? Shouldn’t she have something to show for her supposed growth? She was 21 now, she was able to legally drink, gamble at casinos, and even adopt a child. But despite it all, she still felt like the 17-year-old girl she was four years ago. 

She shook those thoughts out of her head and got ready for class. Her earliest class is at 8 A.M which is a particular type of hell, she swore the administration had it out for her. 

“(y/n) you want some breakfast?” Her roommate and best friend, Autumn, asked.

“Nah, I’m good. I’ll just get a granola on the way there or something.” 

“Girl if you say so.” 

Autumn and (y/n) had been friends for years, going back to kindergarten. Growing up it's important to have some sort of comrade by your side, lucky for them they found each other quickly. Autumn’s full name was Autumn Sinclair which was a rather unique decision on her parent’s part, but the name fit her. Her brown skin always shimmered incandescently in the autumn sunlight, it was as if the world knew she was meant to be the epitome of fall beauty.  

(y/n) throws on a simple outfit because it’s too early in the morning to try to look nice. She wears a simple red crop top paired with mid-length gray shorts and some sneakers to make it look sorta cute. As she makes her way out the door and says her goodbyes to Autumn and their cat, Baby Blue, she grabs the granola as promised and steps outside to feel the spring weather. 

Her walk to class is short since her apartment is only a couple of miles away from the building. The class is decently sized and she recognizes most faces, except for the guy who sits in the back all by himself and never wears any color except black. He’s probably just as fed up as her with the excruciating morning class. She sits down in the third row, close enough for her to see while still maintaining some distance. Her professor, Mr. Dulmtin, finds great joy in “surprising” his students and keeping things “exciting”. (Y/n) doesn’t mind the man, but he gotta read the room sometimes. 

“Class, our assignment today will be a bit…adventurous.” He chuckles at what she guess is his wording. 

Everyone’s eyes raise a little and they wait to hear what torture he’ll inflict on them next. 

“Yes, you see for this project, it’ll take place over a span of three months, so mostly until the end of second semester.” Gasps could be heard around the room, this would be a huge part of their grade then, is he some sort of sadist? “And not only will it be over three months, but you will also work with a partner that I have specifically hand-chosen for you all.” He smirks a dirty smirk, the smirk of a man who loves to ruin the day of 20-somethings. 

Everyone has pretty much the same reaction, groans and mumbles. He, however, shuts everyone up by naming the partners on a list he has.

“...Bruce Wayne and (y/n) (l/n)”

A hush fell over the room. Everyone was quiet, most people had their eyes widened. (Y/n) quirked her eye and tilted her head. Who the hell was Bruce Wayne? He must be known since everyone was muttering about it, but she had never heard of that man in her life. His name did sound familiar though. Mr. Dulmtin shuts everyone up again and continues reading down the list. He finishes it up quickly and lectures about the assignment and what the requirements are. (Y/n) wanted to slam her head against the desk. 

Soon, the class ends, and everyone meets up with their partners. Well, everyone except for (y/n) who still has no idea who the hell Bruce Wayne is. 

“You’re (y/n) right?” A deep voice behind her asks.

“Yeah, I’m-” She turns and it’s the guy from the back of the class. He’s Bruce Wayne? Why was everyone so excited about this guy? He seems like a regular dude to her. “Sorry, yeah, I’m (y/n).”

He does a little nod as he hears that and a tight-lipped grimace. He’s obviously uncomfortable and out of his element, but for the time being he was going to have to suck it up because both of their grades depended on it. 

“Well if you have nothing to do for the next hour or so, maybe we could go to a cafe or something and discuss our plan for the project?” She asked him tentatively. 

“Ok.”

“...Alright then.”

The two left side by side in the most awkward way possible. They made no eye contact and didn’t speak to each other until they made it to the cafe. Anyone who passed them would know that they were just punished with Mr. Dulmtin’s annual “duo” project which was known to cause great horror among all students.

[cupioriot]

any octavian/octkahale song recs? i've been listening to 'we will commit wolf murder' (of montreal) a lot recently and i feel like it kind of fits octkahale but honestly it might just be my brain projecting them onto it.

oh my gods yes hi hello i have been working on a playlist for octkahale for a bit and ive had an octavian playlist for a while that i have not shared thank you sooo much for this ask. i am SO SORRY it took me this long to answer this i kept forgetting about it

ALSO YES OH MY GODS THAT FITS SO WELL HELLO IM SCREAMING?? anon ily and this song

but yeah this post isnt much analysis sort of just observations and me connecting themes from songs to octavian (and mike)

warning. pretty long post under cut

as for the songs i associate with octkahale;

I will never shut up about them and Vampire Empire by Big Theif. I think about them everytime i listen to it, honestly. So, this, as I see it, if from Mike's perspective, talking about Octavian, more specifically Blood of Olympus era.

"[...] I'm not quiet, you've been quiet just recieving what you said Reeling, feeding, feeling filled by everything you fed I see you as you see yourself in all the books you read Overwhelmed with guilt and realizing the disease."

"You give me chills, I've had it with the drills I am nothing, you are nothing, we are nothing with the pills I am empty till she fills, alive until she kills[..]"

"I wanted to be your woman, I wanted to be your man I wanted to be the one that you could understand"

"Well I walked into your dagger for the last time in a row * It's like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow Where you can't seem to hold me, cant seem to let me go So I can't find surrender, cant keep control"

(*the end of this lyric was removed in the now released version of the song, making the actual lyric "well I walked into your dagger for the last time" however I though the demo version fit better for them here)

alsoooo. P.U.N.K Girl by Heavenly. This to me sounds like Mike trying to defend Octavian in some way. Much more domestic than the other one lmao

"People say she's bad But they don't see The way she is with me"

"P is for the painful way she makes me feel some days U is for utopia, the other times with her N is for the new wave dreams she had back in her teens K is for the kid in her [...]"

"She is honest in kind but in a way that people see As telling lies and being mean She has thousands of dreams but what they are I'll never know I hope I figure in them though"

"I don't care if they don't see Just how great that girl can be But I wish she'd find a way To act well for just one day I don't mind if they can't see Just how much she means to me[...]"

"She is hardened to hurt her softness hidden from the world But almost ready to unfurl She tries so hard to change but something always happens to Persuade her, it's too hard to do"

I put like. almost the whole song their. It just works very well imo :')

Allies or Enemies by The Crane Wives. This to me also reminds me of Blood of Olympus. augh. Mainly just Octavian and Michaels tenseness. This one I'd say is from Octavian's perspective. I have been meaning to do a oneshot about this for so long and I prolly will once I figure out how to do Octavian's narrative voice (i have been working at it too long. anyways)

"The words I speak Are wildfires and weed They spread like some awful damn disease And I swear, I didn't mean what I said I swear, I didn't mean it."

"Now listen close You owe me ears for dropping eaves Forget it all, you caught me in a moment weak Sometimes I just can't help myself[..]"

"Remember when I could tell you not to smile when you were mad? And you would always crack And we'd both be laughing in the end Now you're not so quick to forget"*

(*this verse specifically I think fits in Mike's perspective. only this one specifically tho)

"Are we allies or enemies? This will be the death of me This will be the death of me All is fair in love and war, but I can't fight with you anymore This will be the death of me"

"What happens now? Do we have another go? Do we bow out and take our separate roads? I'll admit I've had my doubts But I want to be let in, not out[..]"

Nothing's New by Rio Romeo. Ohhh my gods yeah. I like angst with them very often sorry guys. Octavian's perspective, rocky times w them. Not much more to elaborate on methinks.

"I want to be touched, be loved I wanna heal, be hugged It's just the two of us Or that's what we swore And if I lost my charm Apologies due, no harm Cause you got ahold of my heart And I know it's worn"

"I want to be close to you But I don't know what to do 'Cause if we are near to through It may make it worse And if I start to grieve 'Cause it feels like you're 'bout to leave Forgive me, I'm not naive I've been here before"

Tongues & Teeth by The Crane Wives. Oh my gods. No thoughts just Octavian warning Mike that he's flawed and despite the fact that Mike is fine with that and wants to help him, he [Octavian] just knows it wont end well.

"I've grown a mouth so sharp and cruel It's all I can give to you, my dear"

"And I know you mean so well But I am not a vessel for your good intent"

"Desperation will erase the fact I'm keeping all Of the answers in my cigarette box Yeah the answer's in the second before the other shoe drops[...]"

Octavian specifically!(a lot of these r like him and his relationships with other charavters);

Brutus - The Buttress. OCTAVIAN TALKING ABOUT JASON AND ABOUT THE GIANT WAR/HIS DEATH HELLO YOU ALL SEE MY VISION YES. I almost cited the entire thng but. just listen to it the ENTIRE THING WORKS!! i have literally no intelligent way to explain said thoughts i just. take these mid observations

"Or am I just wishing I could be like you? That the people would see me too as a poet, And not just the muse. Oh, it's not true, I don't wish harm upon you From birth we've been like brothers from different mothers Within the spirit of the same womb May the Gods strike me down if I forsake you, Frater meus, you're beautifully made And to you I'm forever grateful[...]"

"I know the love you showed me came from a pure and noble heart I love you, and if you want, I'll call you king But why do I lie awake each night thinking 'instead of you, it should be me?' "

^^ugh on the topic of how he feels about jason's status. i think he would feel a weird sort of jealousy, and a lot of that would be distressing because he likes jason. its not jasons fault that he has the acomplishments octavian wants. but he's human and that comes with loathing.

"Something wicked this way comes And as I set to face it, I'm unsure Should I embrace it, should I run? What motivates me? Hatred? Is it love? What's more wrong; that I too wish to be great Or my mother wished she'd had a son? And even if I can't be the one Maybe I could at least help make way for him Until the day that he comes Maybe my name could also be known That I helped return good to the people And restored greatness to Rome."

^^all just about the giant war. oh my gods this boys desire to save his city. ALSO THE 'wished she'd had a son' LINE. cheering and clapping as a trans octavian truther (literally either way. it works either way transfem and transmasc octavian truthers unite)

"So with a heavy heart I'll guide this dagger into the heart of my enemy My whole life, you were a teacher and friend to me Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy I, too, have a destiny This death will be art The people will speak of this day from near and afar This event will be history, and I'll be great too I don't want what you have, I want to be you"

'goodbye, traitor Jason Grace!' ahh lyrics. oh hell he makes me ill.

"I always knew I could be the one Though I feel the endless pain of being And I am scorched by the Sun Of humble origins and born of the cursed sex My name is Brutus, but the people will call me Rex"

mmmm. something something prophet of apollo. something something transgender my brain is radio static.

now. heres a few where i really dont know how to draw any specific connections between him and the lyrics just. sort of themes which i apply to octavian. all of the songs are good listens though imo (especially wannabe which is SO UNDERATED AND SO GOOD)

Wannabe, Pt. 2 - North Bloom

Saint Bernard - Lincoln

Flight of The Crows - Jhariah

CHOKE - IDKHBTFM

A Mask of My Own Face - Lemon Demon

I Am Not a Robot - MARINA

Teen Idle - MARINA

Under My Skin - Jukebox The Ghost

Migraine - Twenty One Pilots

THANKYOU SO MUXH FOR THIS ASK I LOVED MAKING THIS POST

[celestie0]

this is probably overbearing or too much, but it’s genuine i swear. have u ever actually gave head to a man? i’ve never done that but i’m lowkey kinda scared to if i’m ever put in the position to, like fr, how does one do that? how do you even give “good head”? AND HOW DO YOU NOW THROW UP ON IT 😭😭😭

i’m sorry

hi my dear LOLLL you’re so valid for this dw

hmm i think firstly a guy shouldnt ever put you in that sort of position if you don’t want to or you don’t feel ready obviously. don’t let any guy make you feel pressured to if you don’t want to

but yea lol w that being said im no oral sex goddess lmfaoo but there are basics to giving head like no teeth, making sure his dick stays wet so theres no uncomfy friction, eye contact, generally the more fucked out you look the hotter he’ll find it (this used to be a big insecurity of mine is that there’s no way i look “pretty” or “cute” while sucking dick cuz of the angle n action etc but tbh i’ve been told that it’s hot to them either way lol)

also yea if u have a massive gag reflex dont bother to deep throat HAHA i have one too, i can kinda handle if im slow enough, but you really dont need to take it all the way just to impress. imo deepthroating is just porn stuff (or maybe thats what i tell myself to feel better lol)

also ive never given head unless i wanted to, even when i was in a relationship. i’ve never given it as a “favor”, its something i’d only do if it genuinely turns me on too. i think it’ll be easier to do if you just genuinely wanna suck his dick lol

idk if this helps at all but your fears are so valid, first few times might feel really awkward bc it can feel like there’s a lot of things to keep track of, but (1) w practice you’ll be fine (2) you can always just ask him what he does or doesn’t like (3) the right guy will just be thrilled you’re willing to do it in the first place

HAHAH ok mediocre sex ed over

[cheryxshugx]

i need to think more about my hollyleaf au. there are so many fun hcs that ive thought of that i can literally make whatever tf i want

this was supposed to be a thought post but it turned into a hollyleaf ramble. enjoy .

holly has reflective time travel powers; though she cant alter anything. its essentially just being a ghost in another time period than the present. need to think more about How they work, whether it manifests as dreams or waking visions or if its a will sort of thing

yellowfang plays a significant role in her powers; a sort of guide almost though there is resentment. i feel spottedleaf and yellowfang juxtapose eachother, spottedleaf is definitely a sisterly (not motherly. sry. yellowfang is the mom) figure to hollyleaf. they can relate to one another regarding their relationships with starclan but better yet, spottedleaf is gentle and patient.

a less thought out plotpoint is fallen leaves and flametail. unsure if flametail is a reincarnation of sorts or if the two were sort of merged upon flametails death. i need to reread hollyleafs novella and solidify my opinion on fallen leaves but whatever it is i Know fallen leaves and hollyleaf are not romantic; if anything its trauma response attachment . whether or not i keep fallen leaves and his stuff as is, flametail will be relevant. ive thought before of him having involvement with the dark forest, if he has shit with fallen leaves i imagine he "made a deal with the devil" (haha kitty cat satan hawkfrost) in order to be granted some sort of resting place other than the tunnels. this brings him to hollyleaf (whetehr this is related to his jayfeather resentment im not sure) who hes been ordered to recruit. its possible that hollyleaf accepts (—> dark forest trainee under a false identity —> meets ivypaw —> bond forms —> neither of them are evil —> ivy is unaware who she is until she returns for the great battle).

lots of trains of thought but sol could also pose as a dark forest recruiter, he failed to persuade hollyleaf however. the difference is in their tactics; flametail provides emotional connection whereas sol offers power. hollyleaf values one over the other

hollyleaf is very aroace to me . shes experienced crushes and genuine love but nothing that could reach her. willowpaw/shine was her first attachment when she first wanted to be a medicine cat, when she still held such faith in the code. it was moreso an admiration/longing than anything but cinderheart? cinderheart grew up with her, there was always something there though neither of them ever got the chance to directly address it. they both knew, and they knew eachother knew but there was a sort of solace about that silent understanding and connection. it was nice. but with hollyleaf gone cinderhearts only option was to keep going, something hollyleaf had seemingly already done herself

hollyleaf and cinderpelt are very close in starclan. cinderpelt knows hollyleaf better than she would've guessed after all that time living through cinderhearts experiences. she feels for hollyleaf, and shes there whenever hollyleaf is ready to reflect. after some time hollyleaf has begun to know cinderpelt in return and the two form their own bond. cinderpelt helps hollyleaf reach cinderheart when the time comes and the two reconnect often in her dreams.

theres more trust me. leaf and squilf are so so so significant but i cant verbalize that right now. thsi wasnt even supposed to be a Post post it was just one sentence at first.. i will go more into depth with lionblaze and jayfeather as well when the time comes

[kiisuuumii]

some introspection this morning abt a feeling from last night abt social interactions, letting ppl in, fear of everything coming to a sour end, and hope

up until this past february, i hadnt allowed a completely new person into my life, like really into my life, for quite a long while; the last person was an old coworker, who id met two years ago now. and ive always been the sort to struggle w social interactions and connections of all types, so when i made my first blog and decided to start posting poetry there, i had prepped myself mentally somewhat to interact w others (last time i put myself out onto the internet was in 2020 lol), but i dont think i was as emotionally ready as i shouldve been, to the point of letting my emotions get the better of me and hurting myself and others twice now since march

its safe to say that im scared, of letting ppl in, of my emotions taking over, of hurting someone else again. its safe to say that i dont trust myself to not let any of this happen again. and maybe its a control issue thing. i know that nobody's perfect, let alone me, and yet i find it difficult to extend the sort of grace id give to others, to myself.

so when someone reached out to me last night to tell me that theyre there if id like a friend (and hello friend if youre reading this sorry im making an example of you), it brought up the question of whether i felt i /could/ let someone new in. and ik that its not like i have to be vulnerable, spewing every little thing abt myself, right from the start, and ik that how connections progress varies from one to another. i think the question really becomes whether i trust myself to know how navigate new connections in ways that are not only true to myself, but also with my highest good in mind, and whether im willing to take the risk that someone's presence in my life wont last forever

thats another thing with me; when i grow fond of someone, i want them to always have a presence in my life to some degree, because i love them, and i want to not only be apart of their lives, but also them apart of mine. but thats not what happens every time; people come and go, thats just how it is, and i struggle horribly with letting go, even since i was a kid

but i dont want to let the fear of losing someone keep me from letting people into my life. i crave connection, i crave understanding. i cant have those things without letting someone in and letting them try, and letting myself try.

i want to live this life with as few regrets as i can. yet it seems like ive just been piling them up over the past four months. am i just going to regret letting other people in going forward, too?

theres only one real way to find out. and im terrified. genuinely terrified. bc im sick of hurting others. im sick of beating myself up. but you have to do the thing scared. you have to. or else you wont do it at all. you'll keep making excuses for yourself, saying you arent ready, but when will that be? are we ever truly ready for anything, let alone change?

you have to hope that the next time'll be different. statistically, its not impossible. you have to hope. how else can things change if you dont have hope that they will?

hope doesnt have to mean trusting yourself completely. it just has to mean believing in the small part of you that wants things to change to do what they can with what they have to bring about that change.

i'll always believe that so long as i have the hope that i can change, i'll be able to find whats the best decision for me, in whatever moment i find myself in. that, that hope will eventually usher in the change im striving for, someday, one way, or another.

[sizzlingsheepcheesecake]

4) i LOVEEE how you (and electron road suspect) are the fandoms main proponents of the best joker out ship, poly!jo. in any capacity, i love the complexity of love between multiple people, but i understand how arduous a task this can be, characterizing dynamics perfectly and the like. you succeed every time, and i love love love it.

9) i look forward to every one of your uploads, BUT honestly, i am soooo excited about the new bojan/jan/martin fic youve started. ive always been such a martin girlie, and i find the relationship he has with bojan to be really special. im simple, and i usually prefer fics that are smutty and explicit, but with them i almost prefer more romantic/fluff content if anything. im really surprised people dont write about them more in that regard, tbh. im really excited to see where you take this one!

12) ngl ive reread all your fics at least three times, there's something to like in all of them and i am an addict. the one ive tended towards revisiting the most though is "the edge of us," more specifically chapter two. WHEN I TELL YOU, some of the hottest shit ive read in this fandom. period. kris's revenge and bojan's desperation, dear lord i am truly a sinner the way i replay their mirror sex in my head during class on particularly boring days. i think smut can be really difficult to write, and im very picky about my preferences and the way a lot of authors choose to portray that. you, however, have definitely got it down and i love you for it.

Ahhh thank you so much this made my day! 🥰🥺

4) The best ship you've written for

I also love @electron-road-suspect work! It's funny because I actually didn't really set out to write poly!jo specifically, it just sort of naturally evolved in Distortion. I'm really enjoying it now and it's become a key part of the story in a bigger way than I anticipated. It's also been lovely to get people's feedback because it's a nuanced and complex thing to navigate and I didn't want it to feel like I just forced it, so I was a bit nervous about it! So thank you!! ❤️

9) A fic i'm excited for you updating/posting

I also think Bomartin is such a gorgeous ship, and I absolutely feel you because I also see them in a softer more romantic way, or even as a deep platonic/brotherly thing (I say as I write them fucking haha) the way they act together with such incredibly casual and affectionate intimacy is just 🥰🥺😍 honestly the Bomartin/Bo(Jan) thing is very very loose in the sense that I just kinda started writing cuz I felt like doing something with it, but it doesn't feel very well planned or cohesive and I don't really know where its going. But I think I might have a second chapter ready soon enough!

12) A fic of yours that i've re-read

Omg this is such a compliment that you've reread my stuff so much, wow!! I'm honoured that you have and that it's stuck with you! Haha I put off that scene for so long cuz I wasn't feeling very inspired or enthusiastic about it but I liked writing it in the end, even if I think I rushed it a little. So I'm super glad you like it so much!! And it's always so nice to hear people say my smut is hot hehe 👀

[stemmmm]

i got back from a week long trip so now i've had plenty of time to ruminate on things and im finally ready to see what the fuck this guy has been trying to cook

episode 7 post

ep1 ep2 ep3 ep4 ep5+6

i think i saw a drawing of this guy earlier today except he had boobs

so lion's pretty obviously supposed to be the baby from 19 years ago, right.

ay ay aY AY AY

oh bah, the way it started out as just the last word in caps for a couple lines made me think dlanor was disguised as shannon or something but nah shes just like a robot or possessed for something.

i feel like ive been told explicitly 15 times that beato was the original beatrice's daughter who kinzo believed was her reincarnated, as if this is the first time im being given this information

damn bro you look hideous

alright so we're positing that original beatrice was enough of a fascist that she stuck to mussolini even after the rest of the country gave up? ok.

alright alright alright we're talking about whether the axis were cowards based on whether or not they surrendered and how alright.

REALLY FUNNY FOR THE V/O TO STILL BE FULLY JAPANESE WHEN HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE SPEAKING ENGLISH. OH BUT "I CANNOT SPEAK ENGLISH" IS?

interesting that this beatrice is using the baby beato voice. I've been trying to get the logic of it, and the best I can figure is that its just... to differentiate? differentiate WHAT exactly, whether its between human beatrices or just the humans and the witch im not sure yet. but I miss her other voice :( the flashback we got of her earlier that I didn't mention also used this voice even though im fairly certain the original version didn't.

i get that its for plot contrivances because beatrice had to get here somehow but WHY on EARTH would someone bring their daughter on an armed military vessel in the middle of a massive war. also because i touched on it earlier i'd like to clarify, i get that the participants in war are not necessarily people who agree with any of it. and even then, your circumstances of birth and pressure from your family will put you in situations out of your control (given, thats what this whole thing has Been About). idk i dont want it to come across as i don't get what's going on or like im an idiot or something. i may also be a bit defensive because i haven't really enjoyed the reading process terribly much in a while and didn't appreciate some of the feedback i've gotten in regards to "just keep reading, you'll like it, youll understand" because i dont think its properly come across that i think i Do understand, im just squicked the fuck out by a lot of things in part 6 and so far haven't seen anything that would allegedly turn my opinion around that much. but there's still a lot left in this to go. im just. bored honestly.

REALLY funny how much "bice" comes off sounding like bitch. all my friends at home call me bitch

oh my god also hilarious. the golds in the submarine isnt it.

EVEN IF ITS A TOP SECRET BASE WHY THE FUCK DONT YOU HAVE A DOCTOR?

anybody else have to stop and hold their head for a minute every time wildly specific gun specs are listed for no reason whatsoever

anyways this fight over the gold is fun, i figured something was gonna have to happen that got everyone else off that island and left the gold, so this makes as much sense as anything. and feeling the drive to live despite it all after seeing genuine bloodshed for the first time is a little overdone but just fine.

*curb your enthusiasm theme starts playing* well at least he insisted on taking her to a doctor

ohhhhh we're confirming beato is really and for true kinzo's biological daughter *head in handssss*

PLEASE STOP PINCHING THIS MAN'S ASS!!!

oh my god, first acknowledgement that battler isn't here. i kinda figured since he's always been kinzo's mirror of sorts, he wasn't gonna be here because kinzo was alive. like there's no reason for that to be the case, but to me the logic felt sound. battler and kinzo haven't been in the same place at the same time, at least not in 1986. and it seems that will continue to be the case !!

STOP PINCHING EVERYONES ASSES

lion sucks, actually. wretched personality.

i was holding back on making a joke about how maria talks about beato the way christian billboards exclusively go on about how there's "evidence god exists" or whatever, but now she's reciting the bible word for word so i dont know what to do with my point but i have to share it now. i do like that her point seems to be that because maria doesn't have a father, she is jesus. good for you girl.

BEATOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. and with the voice! ok so definitely that's the witch's voice.

alright this whole scenario can be argued as maria having an imaginary friend about it but if that piece of candy that beato told her to keep as a souvenir and not eat is still in maria's bag, magic is fucking Real.

also beato telling maria to practice basic hygene as her witch traini-- *has a jimmy neutron style brain blast and remembers the 1 (one) shinto shrine i've visited* OH, NO THIS IS A SHINTO THING. OK HELL YEAH. more of beato the "western" witch using japanese magics. i see i see i see.

fellas i may just like witch beato

[sidesteppostinghours]

9 and 25 for all of them !! :)

evening gideon!! thank you for the ask :]

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

ok. so. the thing about me is that i dont actually listen to music all that often??? its mostly when i draw digitally, and im primarily a traditional artist so i dont really know that many songs. i also have shitty memory so its hard for me to remember quotes. aka this is a pretty hard question for me to answer, but i will try my best:

Caine-"Oh, captain, make up your mind/Before the salt burns your eyes and you run out of time/'Cause you're popping the cork, you get lost in your brain/And you lose touch with all the things that made you feel sane" - Ship in a Bottle (fin)

honestly ive never really associated this song with him before but i looked into the lyrics just to see whether it had anything i could think of them with and theres??? actually a bunch of lyrics there that fit???? like to the point i was struggling to decide which one to use for this. but i think this one, the second chorus, really encapsulates the biggest parts of their character. hes the decision maker out of all my steps, the one that knows how to make the logical choices and think his way out of a problem. but hes on a time limit. he doesn't know when it will end, just that it will at some point, and they cant stop if they want everything done in time. also sight and eyes is something i associate caine with a lot, especially closing your eyes/refusing to see. "you get lost in your brain/and you lose touch with all the things that made you feel sane." COUGHS. coughs. caine has the most gates open out of all my steps. i also fully intend to make them the source of hb 2.0. yeah.

Cyrus- HE WAS THE ONLY ONE I THOUGHT OF AN ANSWER FOR STRAIGHT AWAY AND I SPRINTED TO HIS TAG JUST TO FIND THE POST

look him in the eyes and say this to his face. he will look like he got hit by a freight train.

Cecilia- another quote!

im just gonna go ahead and put my own tags to this one because thats where i put it best:

#thinking about this again with ceci#the best part is the bullet hole#like yeah shes not ready to face the fact that everything shes been doing up till now#was just to distract herself from the absolute misery life became after heartbreak#she has FRIENDS she has people she CARES about and they even seem to like her back!!!!#she even has a girlfriend!#isnt that enough?#tell her thats enough#cecilia rider

theres a reason shes a thrill seeker yall.

Cynthia- "I swear, I'm so fucking sorry/I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all/But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all" - Against the Kitchen Floor (Will Wood)

uh. *looks at cynthias relationship with ortega* uhhhh. *looks at cynthias relationship with sidestep*. uhhhhhhhh.

this song was also difficult to choose lyrics out of, but there is just something so special about girls who simply have to be the best they can to make up for the sin of being. there is something equally as special about girls who take their past selves as judge, and their lover as executioner. also "im not a good person, im barely a person at all" kills me. the regene flavouring on that line??? utterly insane of mr wood to make a song just for her.

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

THESE BITCHES ARE SO CONTRADICTORY!!! THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING CLASHING ABOUT THESE FUCKERS AND ITS DELICIOUS. not even just trait wise, but with their themes? their core ideals? their relationships???? its always some sort of fucking fundamental difference shaping the way they act and i am Obsessed with it. also all of them are dangerous and it makes me vibrate a little bit. rangers you are so lucky that none of them are interested in leaning into being a full blown villain. but this question is,,, also difficult to answer because idk how to pick just one favourite lmfao. i will attempt it though.

Caine- he is the normalest guy around. there is also something Deeply Wrong with him. my favourite thing about caine would probably be how fun it is to dive into his psyche! ill often have times where i get bored of them and wonder why i got so interested in the first place, and then i get hit with another round of it and i remember "oh right! its because hes insane." his whole character revolves around what is going on inside their brain, from their high subterfuge to their connection with heartbreak and his relationship with the puppet. theyre the most fun to play with in their mind.

Cyrus- god. my favourite thing about him is a tie between his stubbornness and his surprisingly strong sense of empathy. both of those were the things keeping him from becoming a villain in the first place, and now its whats stopping him from going back to being a hero. i want him to confront what hes become so bad yall dont understand-

Cecilia- cecilia is just. a breath of fresh air. shes easy and super fun to play, and while she certainly has her moments (i am looking directly at the checkpoint three mortum reveal scene), shes mostly lighthearted fun cruising through the game as nothing more than a silly guy. i think the next game will actually dig into her character more deeply and allow me to showcase the parts of her shed usually keep hidden, but for now im having a good time getting her to kiss argent and embarrass her friends.

Cynthia- somebody come pick her up please before she starts crying in this club. she is crying because of me but lets not talk about that. i think my favourite thing about her is the contrast between her general wimpy sad lovergirl disposition and her revenge scar, and how she chooses to cope with it! because like,,,, it is just so so tasty watching her fumble with the overwhelming emotion, Especially since the emotion is hurting people. she never learned what to do with the anger! she does not want it! she wants to be as kind to other people as possible! "im not a bad dog, i dont know why i bite" etc etc. eventually she might figure it out, but Definitely Not Now lmfao.

questions from here!

[dausy]

I attempted a circus elephant. Didn't quite turn out like I wanted but alls good.

I had a horrible headache since Thursday evening and its finally given way this late morning. I was over it but once it wore off I was able to do a lot of stuff. The weather was great today. I walked outside in a skirt and I was actually warm. Just a couple days ago I was layering up still. I don't think the weather will last. Last year there was a snow storm around this time of year so I'm sure its false spring. I think I do get a bit of seasonal depression. I like cozy cold of Thanksgiving and Christmas but once the holidays are gone I was hot weather now.

I purchased a jean jacket which I've never had before that I can ever remember and I purchased a couple base layer summer dresses to layer with it. I hope they don't look dumb is all. I'm ready for farmers markets and brunch and sitting outside in the warm weather.

I did a lot of backyard work. I mean I guess it looks better but Im no landscaper. I think my neighbors were looking at me weird as I was mowing the lawn. All the grass is flattened and dead and its possible its not even grass but just a web of weeds. But I was using the mower as a leaf vacuum to try and pick up all the leaves rather than rake them. I did rake a good 10 bags of leaves but I don't have enough room in my dumpster. There was also a dead bird D: I had to pick it up. Probably gonna be bugs everywhere soon. I honestly think tomorrow Im just going to buy a ton of soil and grass seen and cover the entire yard. Im aware Im moving this year but I cannot let the sticker/goathead get out of control like it was when we moved in. My dog needs the back yard.

I have some weird work drama too. I always wanna talk about it but Im afraid of privacy issues. My boss bought us sub sandwiches for lunch a few days ago and I ended up being forced to take them all home. Ive been eating cold cut subs for the past 3 days (maybe thats why I have a headache). I gave some to the gate guards and my dog walkers family. Still had a bunch remaining. My dog walker is moving too btw in a couple months T_T my husband should be back by then but still. She said she has a replacement for me if I need it.

I've also posted this everywhere bragging on my spouse. He really did call me several weeks ago like "uhhh can you show me your Lion King collection I think I made a mistake" he knows I like TLK products and collect them but he's as clueless about my collection as I am if he asked me to buy him a gun. Like Idk what to buy. I guess its a little different because I own..a lot...and none of it is on display because we've moved so much the past couple years. So I had to take him into my closet and show him my breakables based on the boxes. I knew he found something online. I just wasnt sure which one it was.

Ive briefly scoured the internet for some sort of TLK 30th anniversary anything and havent found much. So this was a surprise to me. I would have found it eventually (and probably real soon) so he's lucky he got it to me. It was a very nice gift. It looks beautiful on my computer desk. I wish I had some of my other figures out but they'd just have to go in boxes again in a few months. One of these days I'll get a display case.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

it’s been a year since ive really immersed myself in the beatles fandom and one thing im still having trouble understanding is johns reaction to the beatles ending. i used to think that he was the one who was least affected by it, and that he was completely checked off by 1969. but seeing the get back film and reading about some of the abbey road sessions/recordings, and things he said in interviews at 1969, it doesn’t seem he was that checked out? also, he seems pretty upset at the fact that paul decided to leave, which i took it more as being upset because paul technically announced it to the world first, so a matter of pride because it’s his band. I say technically though because he didn’t outright say the Beatles are breaking up, just that the news outlet published it as final and surmised based on what was said in his self-interview. but that’s besides the point. anyways, i always remember reading quotes of his before i got really into the fandom of him saying he was checked out before then and that he left the group and was bored with it and ready to move on with yoko. and i thought, yes it seems he wasn’t affected at all, he wanted this. but something really interesting that i never really considered was derek taylors quote shortly after news that paul was done with the beatles, something along the lines of “if paul were to ask him, let’s do it all again, john would, with no more words he would” and idk but i definitely wasn’t expecting there to be a quote like that out there from that time. like what does that mean? and the fact that chris o’dell, who was close to george’s camp at the time and living with him and pattie for a bit, stated that when the news broke out, john came to visit george without yoko or anyone and they both were just looking through all the newspapers and didn’t want anyone disturbing them. like what? to me, it just left me confused because i really thought john was done? now i’m wondering if we know anything at all..

I think you've caught me at a particularly exhausted moment, so apologies if this isn't as elaborate as you might have hoped, but in short: John is a hard egg to crack lol.

I think ambivalent is the only adequate word to describe him re:The Beatles from 1968-70.

He makes a pretty big point of the trauma fame inflicted on him on Plastic Ono Band; I think him feeling like he needed some sort of blank slate makes sense, in that respect. At the same time, leaving the group you essentially founded when you were 16 behind would be an incredibly difficult decision for anyone, let alone someone with John's baggage.

I think he certainly wanted to be above it all – after all, he made the decision to quit first, Paul's official announcement notwithstanding. That means there's a sunk cost involved for him, which can easily lead to cognitive dissonance. And John was sort of an expert at cognitive dissonance…

I think John often wasn't really sure what it was he wanted, and that probably especially applies to his relationship with his band.

[liverobinreaction]

🖊️, 🌈 (banshee in a well), 💻 ?

IM SORRY I KNOW THIS IS OVER A MONTH LATE, i lost the original ask post and it took me ages to find it BUT I FOUND IT so boom! late but here

ask game here

🌈 What inspired you to write banshee in a well?

basically, i had just been thrown head first into the batman fandom and was scouring through ao3 for things to read, before i kind of. ran out. this was during the weeks i was meant to be studying and writing an essay, and i was doing literally anything except that, so i had a lot of time on my hands. now, ive always been a sucker for fake character death and angst, so i decided hey, why not shove my newest blorbo tim into something like that! initially, it was going to be a one shot where tim was trapped in a collapsing building and was crushed to death, only to crawl his way out eventually while the bats were looking for his body. i wrote the beginning, and then when i looked back up i had 10k words and a completely different plot. and so banshee in a well was born.

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

yes and no! i try to actively avoid writing stuff that requires a lot of technical knowledge because im a) lazy, and b) easily distractible. the moment i start researching when i want to write means i tend to fall down a wikipedia rabbit hole and end up with knowledge about 9th century chinese concubines. do not ask. BUT that doesnt mean i never do it, especially if im writing about a specific culture or religion. for example, i did some research into jewish funeral practices for banshee in a well, and read some articles by rabbis about whether you need to sit shiva for neglectful parents.

ive also been doing a bit of research into stomach cancer atm for 'and you know this will be gone in the morning'. i also absolutely got on a watch list while looking up other things for banshee, such as: how long does it take for blood to be deoxygenated, how do you get down from a noose, can you survive a ruptured lung.

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

here's a bit from my generational depression fic 'To Find Forgiveness In The Weeds' (cw: depression and suicidal thoughts). thanks for the ask!!!

There isn’t really any sort of final straw. Maybe it would be better if there was some kind of definitive moment that he could point to and say ‘there, that’s where it all started, that’s what made me this way’. He almost wishes there was a catalyst like that, because then it would be a lot easier to explain away most of it. But Tim’s life has never been straightforward, so instead, it goes like this:

At 8am in the morning on a Tuesday, as he’s getting ready for work, Tim looks into the mirror while adjusting his tie, and realises that he doesn’t want to be alive anymore.

A mental breakdown would be easier. This sort of quiet realisation doesn’t really give much way to screaming and crying, nor is there anything he can even do with it. Granted, he’s always thought of dying in some sort of manner, but he’s never bluntly admitted to himself that he’d prefer to be dead. Most of the time, it shows up in an abstract, distant way. The temptation of a high rooftop, the ease of a subway track, the simplicity of a rope. Sometimes he’ll see death traps and feel a pull towards it. Not an active wish, so much as a temptation. A soft, gentle thought of ‘I’m tired. Wouldn’t it be nice to be dead?’

But it’s always been chased away, the logistics of actually dying and their impact keeping him away from ledges and chairs. The clean-up would be such a hassle, his brain would point out, and he’d agree. Someone would have to scrape him off the floor or tracks if he was selfish enough to do it in public, and that’s not even mentioning the traumatised passer-by’s. Ultimately, killing himself would cause more trouble than it’s worth, and that’s always been enough for him to ignore those thoughts and chalk them up to a flight of fancy or a call to the void rather than genuine suicidal ideation.

There’s none of that when he looks in the mirror and consciously acknowledges that maybe, just maybe, Tim doesn’t really want to live anymore. That, if given the chance, he can’t confidently say he wouldn’t take such an opportunity.

It’s a strange thought to have, and he finally lets his hands drop away from his tie as he observes himself. He’s seen suicidal people before, of course, both as Tim Drake and Robin and Red Robin. He watched as Bruce threw himself into deadlier and deadlier fights, uncaring of the consequences. He’s gently talked to people shivering on the edge of a skyscraper, eyes screaming for help despite their hollowness.

He doesn’t really fit that image, though logically, he knows that depression takes different forms. And that’s another thought that stops him and makes him furrow his brow. Is he depressed? Depression tends to cause suicidal ideation, so it would make sense, but once again, he’s never needed a therapist or broken down in tears from sadness.

He takes a few steps back to perch on his unmade bed. Messiness is a sign of depression, he remembers, but he’s always been messy. His father was the same way.

Except...

He glances around his room, frowning at the overflowing waste basket, the crumpled up cans and balled up protein wrappers. Clothes are haphazardly dumped into a corner, because he rarely has the energy to put them away. There’s dust everywhere except his bed, bathroom and desk, and kitchen roll still sticks to a spot on the carpet where he spilled some soda and forgot to clean it up.

It isn’t exactly the expected luxury penthouse of a CEO.

His room in Wayne Manor had been untidy, but it was the general clutter of a distracted teenager. He would still throw trash away, would dust and mop up spills when needed, because Alfred had enough on his plate already and tidying their rooms had always been their own responsibility.

His apartment, however, is messy in a way that indicates he’s stopped caring.

The thought is quiet in his mind, but it’s enough to stop everything else.

Has he?

Has he stopped caring?

[propertyoftoru]

Tag game: Get to know me!

Thank you @abiaswreck for the tag! :] 🖤

1. Birthday?

8/11 (me and binnie are birthday twins)

2. Favorite color?

I'll say black but i dont really have a favorite!

3. How tall are you?

5’5 (and 3/4 thank you very much)

4. How many pair of shoes to you own?

somewhere around 14 idk i gave up on counting

5. Favorite song?

for skz probably ssick or easy but not skz probably ohio is for lovers by hawthorne heights

6. Favorite movie?

oh probably either the scream movies or unironically the twilight movies (theyre my childhood comfort movies)

7. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone who makes me laugh and takes the time to understand me.

8. Do you want children?

I've said no for a really long time but i think if i met the right person and the circumstances were ideal then maybe.

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Not really other than a few times of being a stupid teenager nothing serious though. Watching my parents screw up a lot when i was young probably had a lot to do with that.

10. What color socks are you wearing?

oh god i hate socks so much. i only wear them when i have to and not a second longer.

11. Favorite type of music?

this is such a cliché but i really do listen to everything. edm, pop, pop punk, metal, sad songs, happy songs, hell on occasion even a tiny bit of country (only carrie underwood lets not get carried away)

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2! One horizontal and one vertical. Kinda like a half body pillow i guess? idk i have to be hugging something to fall asleep.

13. What position do you sleep in?

im a diagnosed insomniac so really whatever position my body finally passes out in... there's a lot of tossing and turning most nights.

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

Bright lights (a tv or any sort of light on an appliance) or dead silence i need a fan or rain or SOMETHING.

15. Have you tried archery?

Yeah actually my grandfather used to take me hunting when i was younger. I never actually killed anything but i got pretty good at hitting cans and targets :]

16. Favorite fruit?

ohhhhh either strawberries or blackberries or pineapple... idk i love fruit so much.

17. Are you a good liar?

I can be when I have to be. I hate lying though it always brings drama and negative energy.

18. What’s your personality type?

INFP-T

19. Innie or outie?

Innie

20. Left or right handed?

Both! but I mostly use my right!

21. Favorite food?

Pineapple pizza (fight me Christopher Bang)

22. Favorite foreign food?

Oh my grandmother makes Jag on special occasions and its one of my favorites. Other than that as of recently ive been eating japchae so much i literally have a craving for it like every other day.

23. Are you clean or messy?

sigh. my room? depression disaster area. Everything else in my life? Severe OCD neat freak (im talking labels, sorted by color and size, the whole nine yards)

24. Most used phrase?

buh. it really has no meaning its just a sound i make about 200 times a day. i also swear like a sailor so if not buh then probably cunt or fuck.

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

Depends on where im going and whos gonna be there. anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes.

26. Do you talk to yourself?

Of course, im the funniest and smartest person i know. (on a real note my hyperactive imagination goes crazy so i spend most days rambling to myself about nonsense.)

27. Do you sing to yourself?

All day everyday like im in a fucking musical or something.

28. Are you a good singer?

Eh. ive been told i am but i think i could be decent if i took lessons.

29. Biggest fear?

Sharks/The ocean (its more a fear of the unknown because what the fuck even lives down there)

30. Are you a gossip?

Absolutely not. I learned my lesson in middle/high school that shit brings nothing but bad vibes and negative energy.

31. Long or short hair?

I wish i could say short because my hair drives me crazy most days but i also hate how i look with short hair so long i suppose.

32. Favorite school subject?

English or Criminal Justice/Forensics

33. Extrovert or introvert?

introvert but situational extrovert (ill be extroverted if theres someone more introverted than me solely because i cannot stand awkward tension) not quite an ambivert but somewhere close to one.

34. What make you nervous?

Groups of super outgoing people. I always get too afraid to talk in fear of ruining the flow of conversation or being talked over.

35. Who was your first crush?

idk probably justin bieber or nick jonas

36. How many piercings do you have?

4. Both of my ears and both of my nipples. i want to get my bellybutton done soon though.

37. How many tattoos do you have?

9 but im hoping to work on my leg sleeve again soon.

38. How fast can you run?

Depends on whos chasing me.

39. What color is your hair?

Brown right now. It was half black half blonde but i wanted to focus on getting my hair healthy for a while.

40. What color are your eyes?

Blue/Green/Gray depends on who you ask and the lighting in the room.

41. What makes you angry?

Not much im a pretty calm person but when im playing video games thats a different story.

42. Do you like your name?

No. My father chose it and i dont speak to him.

43. Do you want a boy to girl as a child?

IF i had a kid i would want a boy 100%. As someone whos mother had 3 babies when i was 16/17/18 i can confidently say little girls are the spawns of the devil and little boys are rays of sunshine.

44. What are your strengths?

Mental fortitude and my empathy for others.

45. What are your weaknesses?

I give second (and third and fourth) chances to people that do not deserve it.

46. What’s the color of your bedspread?

Light gray but i keep lots and lots of blankets around too.

47. What’s the color of your room?

Gray and dark blue.

Tagging for fun! Ignore if you don’t want it do it! Or ignore if you don’t feel comfortable!: @bbyquokka @lino-ppang @alphadisaster @aspenwritesstuff +anyone that wants to do this.