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wingsofkpop · 4 years

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Hiraeth - I.IX: Bloodborne

pairing(s): Hybrid!Im Jaebeom x Reader, Witch!Mark Tuan x Reader, Werewolf!Jackson Wang x Reader, Vampire!Park Jinyoung x Reader, Supernatural!Got7 x Reader

genre: Supernatural!AU, Dark Magic!AU, heavy Angst, eventual Smut

warnings: Mature language, mentions of death and murder, violence, explicit descriptions of fighting, blood and gore, some satanic themes, mentions of trauma, etc.

word count: 6,5k

synopsis: How far are you willing to go to find out the truth about Moon Dye Bay?…

chapter directory

“—so once Youngjae channels enough power from the blood moon tonight, he’ll be able to lower the veil between the Other Side and the physical plane long enough to resurrect your spirit into a mortal body.” You explain, glancing over your notes at the unusually quiet figure sitting on your bed. Something about his expression seems distant—almost sorrowful.

After your return from the hospital, and after the long chat with your roommate convincing her that your absence all night was due to a last minute work emergency, a certain ghost phased into your bedroom. You wouldn’t allow yourself to be this concerned, but during his visits, Jackson usually never shuts up. If you were all alone with no one to talk to, you probably wouldn’t either.

You lower your notebook and shake your head, “You haven’t said one word since you showed up. What’s wrong?”

Jackson purses his lips, as if nervous to relay the thoughts swirling through his mind. Another brief moment of silence passes before he finally murmurs, “It’s the witches. They’re starting to get suspicious again… I don’t know how long I have before they figure out I’ve been crossing over to this plane.”

“Then we’ll just have to bring you back before they find out.” You grab your phone from your desk, checking through your notifications to see if a certain siphoner has yet responded to your dozens of texts and calls. No dice.

You haven’t been able to reach Youngjae since yesterday morning, which is odd considering the guy is the type to respond within three seconds of receiving a message. It would be one thing if he let you know that he’s busy, but it’s complete radio silence. It’s not like Youngjae at all.

“You’re worried about something.”

Your eyes dartup at Jackson’s observation, discovering his concerned gaze focused on you.

“It’s Youngjae.” You sigh, “I haven’t heard from him, but I’m sure he’s just busy brewing potions or something.” You expect to earn at least a chuckle from the ghost, but his silence remains along with the blank expression along his face. His same distant demeanor also lingers, and this time, your concern grows to panic. “What is it, Jackson? What’s going on?”

“I didn’t want to say anything cause I was sure it was all in my head, but I feel that something is… weird.”

“Weird?”

“It’s hard to explain.” He continues, “But as a ghost, I can feel things around me… like right now, the universe just seems off—” His voice cuts out as he frantically shakes his head, “Anyway, I just want you to be careful. Mark used to tell me that disrupting the balance of nature is like opening Pandora’s box.”

“Yeah. We will be doing none of that.” You set your phone down before crossing the room to kneel in front of Jackson. A grin lifts to your lips as you hum to the ghost, “So what do you feel when you’re around me?...”

Jackson raises an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

“You said you feel things around you… Do you feel anything special when you’re with me?”

You’re surprised at the eagerness that swells in your chest as he takes his time to think over your question. The inquiry was supposed to be a joke to lighten the mood, but you’re actually curious about your companion’s ghastly perceptions. After maybe a minute or two, Jackson sends you a small smile:

“I feel… light.”

“Light? What is that supposed to mean?”

“You have this aura around you.” Jackson affirms, mindlessly reaching forward thumb at your cheek. You obviously can’t feel his touch, but something in your gut tells you that if you could, you would feel nothing but warmth. “I feel powerful when I’m with you…”

“Is that a good thing?”

He grins, “I think so.”

You continue to stare at one another for a moment, almost attempting to read the depths in each other’s eyes. It’s not until a harsh knock resonates from the front door do you finally break the gaze, offering Jackson a final hum, “I’ll bring you back as soon as I can. I promise.”

Jackson nods, “I know you will. But like I said, please be careful.”

“I will. See you soon.” You wait for Jackson to disappear completely before exiting your bedroom, cursing Sana for leaving you to deal with whoever is incessantly banging on your door. It’s probably the old lady from across the hall wanting to borrow another cup of sugar. You roll your eyes at the thought and open the door, ready to politely decline your neighbor’s request.

Your words die on your tongue—definitely not the old lady from across the hall.

“Mark? What are you—?”

“What? Not expecting to see me?” Mark’s hostile growl takes you by surprise, as does the furious expression etched along his features. “That’s not surprising since you’ve been ignoring me.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Oh. I’m sure.”

You cross your arms over your chest. “What the hell is your problem?”

“You wanna know what my problem is?” Mark takes a step closer to you before pointing a finger in your direction, “The fact that you not only lie to me, but you go behind my back and then deliberately avoid me for days on end.”

“What are you even talking about, Mark?”

“I’m talking about you and Youngjae playing God and resurrecting Jackson.”

Your muscles instantly freeze, as if Mark had taken a tub of ice water and thrown it over your head. The annoyance inside your chest shifts to guilt, and your once cold features cannot help but soften.

You shake your head, “Mark, I—”

“Do you know how dangerous it is to bring someone back from the dead, (Y/N)?” Mark lowers his voice, but his tone remains as frigid as his gaze. “Do you know the consequences that happen when you fuck with the balance of nature?”

“I get that, but—it’s complicated, Mark… There’s things you don’t understand—”

“I don’t understand!?” He scoffs, “Last I checked, I’m the goddamn witch here, (Y/N)! You know nothing about magic and its sacrifice!”

“Maybe not, but I do know that there is a chance I could bring Jackson back!” You shake your head again, “Please, just give me a chance to explain—”

“No. Because it’s not fucking happening.” Mark interrupts, furiously shaking his own head. “I forbid you to do this.”

It’s like a switch goes off in your mind. Your guilt immediately transforms, but this time, it configures into rage:

“You forbid me!? Who the flying fuck do you think you are!?”

“I won’t sit back and allow you to get yourself killed—!”

“And last I checked, you don’t have the right to control what I do and the decisions I make!” You seethe, stepping further back into your apartment. “This is my choice. I’m resurrecting Jackson whether you like it or not.”

“Fine! Get yourself fucking killed for all I care!” The witch raises his hands in mock surrender. “At least then I won’t have to deal with your reckless, moronic ass!”

“Fuck you, Mark.” You don’t allow the witch to say anything further and slam the door in his face. Your chest remains unbearably heavy, both physically and mentally, but you ignore the sweltering emotions and begin to traverse around the apartment, gathering your bag and other assorted belongings.

A confused and rather concerned Sana emerges from her bedroom a few seconds later. “Are you okay? What was with all that yelling?”

“Don’t worry about it,” You huff, shoving your arms through the sleeves of your jacket. “Just Mark being a douchebag, as per usual.”

“Where are you going?”

“To find Youngjae.”

“Isn’t it kind of late?”

“I’m an adult, Sana.” You snap before throwing your bag over your shoulder. “Don’t wait up for me.”

Similar to Mark, you don’t allow Sana the chance to question you further and sprint out the front door, praying that Youngjae will be up to bringing Jackson back in the next few hours.

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

Mark has never exercised the greatest control over his emotions. It first began when he was twelve, after his dad walked out on his mom. He found himself sobbing his eyes out some days, and beating the shit out of other kids on others. His mood ranged from intense rage to extreme depression. There was no in between.

In an effort to help, his mom enrolled him in a program designed to teach teens how to handle their emotions. But to no one’s surprise, the therapy didn’t do shit and Mark continued to initiate fights and cry himself to sleep most nights. He never understood why he felt this way—he still doesn’t, to be honest. His dad and him were never close, nor did he ever really care about his sudden departure. Maybe he was just an angry kid with depression. Maybe it was something else.

It wasn’t until his mom was killed did Mark begin to pull his life together, which also happened to be around the same time he met the too-friendly, homeschooled kid with an ego the size of Jupiter, Jackson Wang. Sure, the two of them butted heads every so often, but with Jackson being a werewolf, Mark learned the importance of managing the chaos within. ‘Emotion is like a loaded gun,’ he remembers Jackson once said, ‘If you let yourself pull the trigger without first aiming down sights, then you risk sinking a bullet into someone you love.’ Those words remain with him—remind him what means to stay in control.

But when it involves the people he loves, Mark can’t always regulate the ticking bomb counting down in his soul.

An ache settles in his chest as he recalls the passionate fire in your gaze. There’s always been some parts of you that reminds Mark of his past friend, specifically your stubbornness and inability to think before you act. He’s never found himself hating those parts of you until now—and he shouldn’t, Mark knows that, but he’s so fucking angry and so fucking scared of losing yet another one of the most important people in his life.

He’s experienced his fair share of loss, but losing you… It would break him. Completely.

Mark tries to push the intrusive thoughts from the forefront of his mind and focus on navigating his way through the dark maze of headstones and crumbling tombs. Right after you slammed your front door in his face, he received a text from Youngjae summoning him, Jisung and Lia to an emergency meeting at the edge of the cemetery. He’s still mad at the siphoner for assisting with your reckless scheme, but he won’t allow his pettiness to interfere with the safety of the coven.

A sigh falls from his lips—he does regret ever saying those ending words to you though… because what if they’re the last ones you hear from him.

‘I’m so sorry, Jackson…’

Mark’s misery is forgotten when he notices a group of people up ahead. He recognizes Lia, Jisung and Youngjae flocked together inside a chalk-white circle surrounded by lit torches. For a moment, Mark wonders if they’re in the middle of performing some type of seance, but his curiosity dwindles into confusion when he grows aware of the panic present in each set of their features.

He breaks into a sprint to cover more distance, approaching the strangely placed trio in no time. At the sight of him, Lia immediately bursts into tears, furthering the anxiety bubbling at the back of his throat.

“What the hell is going on!?”

“Hyung! You have to get out of here right now!” Mark notices the swollen, angry flesh of Youngjae’s bottom lip as he speaks, along with the ugly bruise underneath his left eye.

“What happened?” He ignores the siphoner’s warnings, attempting to reach inside the circle and grab Lia’s arm. However, his hand is met with resistance—a boundary spell. “Who did this to you?”

Lia sobs, “Just go, Mark! Before he hurts you!”

“Before who hurts me!? What are you—” His demands die in his throat as another figure appears from behind a large, marble gravestone. He immediately recognizes the newcomer, which sends even more confusion through his veins. “Seo Changbin? What the hell is this?”

“It’s an emergency meeting, hyung.” Mark feels his entire body freeze when the familiar, conniving voice enters his ears. “You had me a little worried… I almost thought you wouldn’t show up.”

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Mark whirls around to face a smirking Minho cockily leaning against the wall of an empty tomb. “What kind of game do you think you’re playing, Minho?”

The younger witch shrugs before pushing off the wall to pace around the area. As he draws closer and closer, Mark can spy an ancient, navy blue ring sitting heavily on his forefinger. He’s never seen any piece of jewelry like it before, but something in his gut told him it wasn’t just a simple ring—and that he’s definitely in some kind of trouble.

“Mind explaining to me what we’re doing here? Or are you just going to continue pacing around the place like a cocky bastard?”

“Tonight is a special night, hyung… You wanna know why?” He watches Minho point to the night sky, “In just a few minutes, the moon will drift into the Earth’s shadow and the light of the sun will reflect across the moon’s surface, thus causing a blood moon… It’s actually pretty cool—”

“For Christsake, Minho—get to the goddamn point.”

“You know, for years I had to deal with all your bullshit excuses and justifications of putting our coven in danger—it was only a matter of time until one of us ended up dead, don’t you think?”

A bitter memory of Nayeon’s corpse resurfaces, but Mark remains silent.

“Everyone was too fucking blind, but I saw right through you.” Mark doesn’t move a muscle when Minho suddenly approaches, crowding his space until his nose is mere inches from brushing his own. The younger witch’s harsh glare bleeds into his soul as he continues, “You’re a poor fucking excuse for a leader, hyung—a leader who can’t even protect his own people.”

“And you think you can do better, huh?” Mark growls, glaring his own daggers into Minho’s gaze. “You have no fucking clue what it takes to run this coven… Admit it, you’re just pissed they chose me over you.”

“And look where that got them.”

“You need to cut out whatever petty bullshit this is and let Youngjae, Jisung and Lia go.” Mark murmurs, “Whatever problems you have are with me, so let’s just talk it out, okay?”

“Oh, Mark-hyung…” Minho’s gaze is unwavering from his own as he lifts a hand to rest on Mark’s shoulder. It’s a second too late that Mark realizes it is the same hand in which holds the mysterious ring:

“I’m over talking it out.”

Youngjae’s screams and Lia’s sobs echo in his ears along with the words that spill from Minho’s lips—they’re foreign, but Mark recognizes the spell right away. He tries to squirm and fight against the perpetrator’s grip, but another pair of hands keep his body in place—Changbin.

Bit by bit, Mark feels the buzz of his magic lift from his veins like a flock of doves. His limbs grow weak and his head fuzzy. Soon enough, his own knees no longer bear the strength to hold his weight. Once both Minho and Changbin release him, Mark collapses to the ground—empty and unable to rise.

“What did you do to him!?” Mark hears Jisung’s voice for the first time, although his brain is not fully able to comprehend the inquiry.

“I took his magic. He won’t be needing it anymore.”

Mark manages to find enough strength to reposition his body in a way that allows him to watch both Minho and Changbin approach a makeshift altar composed of an old, concrete coffin. Through the blur of his vision, he catches the witch stirring some kind of crimson mixture—likely blood. Minho looks to the moon, which is slowly brightening to a shade of maroon, before resting his gaze on his companion:

“It’s time.” He offers the mixture to Changbin, “Once you drink this, I can begin the transformation.”

“And you’re sure this spell will give me everything I need to take down the Primes?”

“One hundred percent.”

Take down the Primes?… Fucking hell.

“Minho! Don’t do this!” Mark can’t make out his own voice between the ringing of his ears and the beating of his heart, but he can only hope they’re audible enough for his audience. “The transformation—it won’t work!”

Youngjae shakes his head. “I don’t understand… What are you talking about, hyung?”

“He’s going to try to recreate the spell I used on Jackson on Changbin.” With a huff and a puff, Mark pushes himself to his hands and knees. He attempts to crawl forward, but the spinning of his head sends his body sprawling along the ground once again. He abandons any more thoughts of movement and speaks to Minho directly, “It will kill him—do you understand me!? You can’t—”

“You failed because you couldn’t draw enough power to complete the transformation.” Minho doesn’t even bother to look in his direction, “It will work—I know it will.”

Understanding there’s no possible way to convince the witch, Mark looks to the werewolf instead, ��I’m warning you, Changbin! If you go through with this, you will die!”

“Don’t listen to him. Just drink the blood.”

“No! For fucksake, this is suicide!”

“Think of Jackson.” Minho murmurs to a torn Changbin, reaching across the altar to place a supportive hand on his shoulder. “Do it for him.”

“Changbin, don’t—!”

Mark watches in horror as Changbin throws back the mixture and downs its entirety in two gulps. His heart shatters like the glass vial the werewolf launches to the ground. He peers to his left, discovering the same shocked expressions across Youngjae, Jisung and Lia’s faces, and shakes his head in defeat as Lia begins to sob again.

“Filia maximo… Filia maximo… Morsus, morsus—” The wind begins to screech as Minho chants, tearing at Mark’s hair and nudging at his clothes, as if pleading for him to stop the spell. But there’s nothing he can do. For once, Mark is powerless. “—morsus… Advenio donec duo est revertus mors…” With a loud scream, Changbin collapses to the earth. He squirms and writhes in pain underneath the flaming light of the moon—and Mark can’t help but attempt to block out the snaps of his cracking bones.

The scene seems to last for hours until Changbin eventually grows silent. Mark takes the time to catch his breath, unable to control his lungs over the anxiety, fear and nausea lurking through his veins. He wants to look away from the still werewolf, but his gaze is as frozen as the rest of his body.

His eyes burn with tears of rage—Changbin is dead. Another person died because of his own fucking stupidity. Mark should have known this would happen again. He should have stopped it. He should have—

His thoughts disappear as Changbin suddenly gasps for air. For a moment, he claws at the earth as if attempting to ground himself, before he finally, albeit shakily, climbs to his feet. Minho cautiously approaches the wolf, peering down at the shorter male with a gaze full of concern.

“How do you feel?...”

“I feel…” Changbin flexes his fingers again, before closing them into tight fists. The moonlight illuminates the crimson glow of his irises and the sharpness of his long, black fangs as he faces the witch—a malicious smirk spreading along his lips as he chuckles, “I feel like kicking some ancient Prime ass.”

Mark can’t find the strength to watch anymore and allows his head to lower to the earth. Just before his eyes flutter shut, he swears he spots the movement of shadows from behind a nearby headstone. But before he can confirm his suspicions, his head takes one final spin and the world grows dark.

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

June 13th, 1769 — As much as I enjoy the atmosphere of Paris, I believe it is time to progress onto another part of the world. Some of the townsfolk are beginning to grow suspicious, considering I appear twenty years younger than my supposed age. Nevertheless, I will not mind a new start elsewhere. Jaebeom, on the other hand, will be a terror to convince. As he claimed last time I brought the idea to light, ‘There will never be a place more beautiful than Paris.’

But I know he is not through playing with his newest toy—Tzuyu.

I set sail for the newlands tomorrow at sunrise. Whether my brother decides to accompany me or not is solely his preference. It would be pleasant to spend some time apart—to spend some time in peace—but I know, with many complaints and reluctance, Jaebeom will board the ship tomorrow. Wherever I traverse, he follows, and vice versa. We are family, after all.

I will miss Notre Dame the most. I have grown used to visiting the Cathedral and repenting my wrongdoings to the high priest. Of course, I am forced to erase his memory of our talks each time, but it is nice to confess. It lifts a weight off of the shoulders, takes away a small portion of the guilt. If there is a god, he would never allow a creature like me to walk amongst his heavens—but at least I can salvage the lingering hope left inside of my soul. Speaking of hope, I thought I saw a woman that resembled Irene during my daily visit to the church. I find it amusing that after all these years, my heart continues to yearn for her presence. She was truly special—I wonder if she ever thought the same of me.

I’ve heard some of the sailors refer to a shore in the newland that has yet to be claimed. It may be the perfect location for Jaebeom and I to start anew. I can only hope it is as beautiful as people say. Maybe I will construct a place of worship as stunning as the Cathedral.

Isn’t that ironic?... A vampire who believes in faith.

Jinyoung finishes the entry with a sigh, welcoming the nostalgia that spreads through his thoughts like an old friend. It seems just yesterday that he recorded his first thoughts about the land that would become Moon Dye Bay. He shakes his head, carefully setting the old journal back on the bookshelf.

He never did build that church.

“Reminiscing again, brother?” The moment is ruined when a certain hybrid’s snicker reaches his ears. Jinyoung rolls his eyes as Jaebeom takes residence beside him, dragging his fingers along the spines of Jinyoung’s other diaries. “We did have some great times back in the 18th century… Remember our battles during the French Revolution? I rather enjoyed King Louis and Marie Antoinette’s executions.”

“You enjoy anything that involves bloodshed.”

“Don’t be so resentful, Jinyoungie. It’s not my fault that the queen had you in her interests.”

Jinyoung shakes his head before retreating to his desk to fix himself a drink. “The woman was as shallow as a poor soul’s ego. She was taken with any man who’d pay her the time of day. It was a miracle her death came as quickly as it did.”

“Careful there. You sound like me.”

Jinyoung deliberately chooses not to respond to Jaebeom’s comment and proceeds to pour two glasses of bourbon. He ignores his companion’s wide smirk as he hands him one of the drinks. Both the vampire and the hybrid simultaneously take a sip, peering at one another over the rims of their cups. Jaebeom is the first to break the silence with a pleased inhale and a hum:

“You returned pretty late last night. I hope you used protection during your time with (Y/N).”

“Mind your tongue, hyung.” Jinyoung warns, “I brought (Y/N) to the hospital after the attack—I trust you took care of Tzuyu?”

Jaebeom smirks. “Of course. She won’t be alive long enough to target your newest Maria Antonia again.”

About to inhale another sip of his bourbon, Jinyoung pauses to mull over the answer. He lowers his glass to his side before delivering Jaebeom a confused expression and a murmured inquiry, “What do you mean she won’t be alive?”

“Tzuyu and I got into an argument and, well, she pissed me off.” Jinyoung watches Jaebeom down the rest of his drink.

“Please tell me you didn’t bite her, Jaebeom-hyung.” He curses at the widening of Jaebeom’s smirk, slamming his glass back down on his desk with enough force to crack its exterior. “When I told you to deal with her, I didn’t mean condemn her to a fate of pain. If you wished to kill her, you could have at least been merciful and done it quick.”

“Last I checked, you said it yourself not to be kind.” Jinyoung follows Jaebeom as he pours himself another drink and collapses onto a brown, leather sofa. He tips his glass toward him with a smile before continuing, “I thought the punishment fit the crime, and we wouldn’t want to put helpless, human (Y/N) in danger again, would we?”

“You turned it off, didn’t you?” Jinyoung realizes, “Does holding onto your humanity wound you that badly, hyung? That you have no choice but to wish it away?”

“If I remember correctly, I’m not the only one that can’t hold onto their humanity… How many people did you kill in the ‘20s alone? One thousand? Maybe two?”

Jinyoung shakes his head, “I’m not that person anymore.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” In the blink of an eye, Jaebeom is in front of Jinyoung—his glass in pieces on the floor beside him. He leans in until Jinyoung can taste the alcohol of his breath on his tongue, then whispers darkly, “You can lie to yourself all you fucking want, Jinyoung. But deep down, you’ll always know what you are… let’s just hope (Y/N) never finds out, hm?”

At the mention of your name, Jinyoung’s anger expands. He suppresses the urge to take the table beside him and smash it over the hybrid’s head, and instead inhales a deep breath. Jaebeom is only trying to provoke him—and he refuses to be a pawn in his foolish games.

“You will remember what it was like to feel human again.” Jinyoung sighs, “For your sake, I hope your remembrance comes sooner rather than later.”

Jaebeom tsks, “Being human is overrated.”

“He said the same thing about fate.” Both Jinyoung and Jaebeom whirl around at the appearance of a third voice. Jinyoung feels his blood begin to boil at the sight of the familiar vampire in the doorway, once again, suppressing his desire to launch a piece of furniture in her direction. “Ironically, fate and humanity are a package deal.”

Jaebeom growls, “What the fuck are you doing here, Tzuyu?”

“I came to try and convince you to give me your blood.” Tzuyu coughs, and Jinyoung swears he can hear the rattle of her bones. “But judging by your attitude, that’s obviously going to be harder than I thought.”

“You have courage for showing your face again.” Jinyoung crosses his arms with a dark hum, “Especially so soon after you nearly killed (Y/N).”

“It wasn’t my intention to kill her. I just wanted to send a message.”

“Is that so?” With a malicious glare, Jinyoung steps forward and tilts his head toward the vampire, “And what kind of message was that?”

“For (Y/N) to stay away from Jaebeom.” Another violent cough wracks through Tzuyu’s thin form, causing a light stream of blood to splatter from her lips. She wipes her mouth with a ragged breath before continuing, “Look, I did it for her own good. We all know his track record at keeping humans alive.”

“You did it to protect her!?” Jaebeom cackles, “Wow! That’s fucking priceless!”

“Say what you will, you both know I’m right.” Tzuyu says, propping herself up against a nearby bookshelf. “It’s either she ends up dead or is turned into a vampire—then again, there’s not much of a difference between the two, is there?”

“I would die before I allow (Y/N) to come to any harm.”

“The only issue with that is you can’t die, Jinyoung.” Jinyoung doesn’t take his eyes off Tzuyu as she grabs a bottle of brandy from the top shelf. It takes her literal seconds to unscrew the cap and down a good portion of the container. She licks her lips and says, “I’m sorry I attacked (Y/N), okay? I went too far. I won’t do it again.”

“You think an apology is enough to save your life?” Jaebeom snickers before snatching the alcohol from the vampire, “Think again, sweetheart.”

“What do you want from me, Jaebeom? Does seeing me die a slow, painful death bring you joy?”

He shrugs, “No one mourns for the wicked.”

“Is he always this much of an asshole?”

Jinyoung chuckles, “Pretty much.”

“Great.” The vampire breathes out a sigh and cards her fingers through her hair. After a brief moment of silence, she directs her attention back to Jaebeom and pleads—her voice packed with desperation and fear, “What can I do to convince you to let me live? Please, Jaebeom… I don’t want to die.”

“You should have thought about that before you touched what I told you not to.” Jinyoung remains quiet as Jaebeom lifts a hand to grasp Tzuyu’s jaw. The dying visitor remains unphased, proceeding to glare at the hybrid with hateful, yet oddly sorrowful eyes. “I suggest you show yourself out before I end your life sooner.”

“You’re going to lose everything one of these days, Jaebeom.” Tzuyu shakes her head sadly, wiping away a layer of cold sweat from her forehead. “You’re going to lose everyone, even your brother, and you’re going to be alone. For an eternity.”

“Save the monologue.” Jaebeom waves dismissively, taking a sip of the brandy before returning it back to its shelf. “Petty isn’t a good look for you, baby.”

“Fuck you, Jaebeom.” Tzuyu goes to stomp out the door, but something—someone blocks her path. The atmosphere changes when Jinyoung notices your panicked form, practically gasping for air and cross-eyed, standing in the doorway. He immediately speeds to your side without hesitation, grasping your hands in hopes to ground you.

He stares into your eyes, “What is it, (Y/N)? What’s wrong?”

“You and Jaebeom have to get the hell out of here! Right now!”

Jaebeom shakes his head in confusion, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I don’t know what exactly happened but Minho turned Changbin into this dark werewolf creature or-or something… I do know, however, that Changbin is on his way right now to kill you both.” Jinyoung steps back at the intensity of your explanation, unable to think of a response over the roar of his thoughts. Through his peripheral vision, he can spot the same type of speechlessness across Jaebeom’s face.

Not again…

“That’s stupid… You realize nothing can kill them, right?” Tzuyu scoffs.

“This is different.” You urge, “I saw Changbin—he wasn’t like anything I’ve ever seen before… The spell that Minho used, it was-was—”

“Dark magic.” Jinyoung finishes blankly, “The spell was dark magic.”

“Yes… which means you and Jaebeom need to leave town as fast as you possibly can before—”

“I don’t think anyone is going anywhere, (Y/N).” Jinyoung’s entire body grows stiff as a new voice echoes throughout the study. He cautiously turns his head, discovering none other than the young werewolf in question resting among the shadows. His eye also catches the open window a few inches away, and he curses himself for ever wanting to feel the nightly draft.

Changbin’s smirk is as dark as his eyes.

“What?... Not going to offer me a drink?”

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

“(Y/N)! Get out of here! Now!” Jaebeom hears Jinyoung scream as the werewolf suddenly launches forward, knocking his brother into the bookshelf behind him. The wood completely splinters beneath the impact, raining down an array of books and planks on Jinyoung’s body. Changbin turns to Jaebeom next, but the hybrid is ready—and pissed off.

Jaebeom speeds toward the intruder and delivers a swift kick to the gut. Changbin flies back at the force, crashing back through the window with a loud growl. Sensing the urgency in time, Jaebeom quickly throws Jinyoung’s immobile body over his shoulder and urges both you and Tzuyu out the study door.

“Come on! We gotta go!”

“Jaebeom! What the hell is happening!?” He ignores Tzuyu’s fearful ask and proceeds to lug Jinyoung through the maze of hallways and down the staircase, you and the female vampire hot on his heels. He doesn’t know exactly where he’s going, but he makes his way to the parlor where he props Jinyoung up against a nearby chair before turning to you:

“You need to leave. I will deal with this.”

“No way. I’m not going anywhere.” Jaebeom curses your stubbornness inside his head, sending a stern glare in your direction. Your expression remains fixated, and he can’t help but wish your presence in any other situation but now.

“I can’t protect you right now—”

“And I can’t sit back and watch you get yourselves killed!” You shake your head indignantly, “I’m staying!”

“Fucking hell, (Y/N)! Get your ass out that door before I throw you out myself!”

“Jaebeom, watch out!” At Tzuyu’s cue, a wooden branch comes soaring in through the window. Jaebeom immediately throws himself against you, effectively forcing your body to the ground to dodge the projectile. He can feel your fear through the trembling of your limbs and hurried breaths, but it only brings him more determination to tear apart his attacker.

He shakes his head in surrender, “You stay on the fucking ground, understand? Don’t you fucking dare move a muscle.” He doesn’t bother to wait for a response and pushes himself back to his feet.

Tzuyu is huddled in a corner, and Jinyoung has yet to awaken from his crash landing back in the study. Jaebeom tries to focus his senses on detecting the werewolf, but he can’t seem to hear anything past the beating of his own heart. He carefully makes his way over to the incapacitated vampire, attempting to force him back to consciousness.

“Now is really not the time for a fucking nap, Jinyoung.” He hisses, “I swear to god, if I have to save your ass one more time—” Another wave of tree branches come crashing through the windows. Unfortunately, Jaebeom is not as quick and one catches his shoulder at just the right angle. He feels the wood sink into his flesh, painfully carving into his bones. With a low groan, Jaebeom manages to grab the makeshift stake and remove it in one hefty pull.

He tosses it away with a yell, “You gonna hide like a little bitch!? Or are you gonna come out and fight like a man!?”

“Be careful what you wish for, asshole!” Jaebeom turns just in time to discover the werewolf emerging from a shattered window. His blood boils when he notices the sadistic grin along the young kid’s face—he wonders how those teeth will look strewn across the parlor floor.

Changbin comes at him fast, much faster than Jaebeom could have predicted. He manages to dodge a set of jabs, but he’s not so lucky when Changbin lands a heavy hit against the side of his face. Pain erupts through his jaw as he collapses to the floor, but Jaebeom doesn’t have the chance to dwell over it and rolls out of the way just as the werewolf attempts to stomp his nose.

Jaebeom tries to speed away again, but like before, his counterpart is faster. Changbin manages to force him to the floor for a second time, pinning his body down with his own. Horrified, the hybrid watches as the werewolf’s eyes glow blood red and large, pitch black fangs emerge past his parted lips. Once again, he attempts to break free, but it’s no use—Changbin is too strong.

Just when he believes the wolf’s fangs are going to sink into his neck, another form knocks Changbin away. Jaebeom hurriedly props himself on his arms in time to watch Tzuyu deliver a series of hits and kicks to the perpetrator, eventually slamming his head into a nearby armoire. Taking advantage of the moment, she turns from Changbin to Jaebeom instead:

“Grab Jinyoung and (Y/N) and run!” She screams, “Get the hell of here!”

Unable to move, Jaebeom remains as Tzuyu attempts to fight off the wolf. But with the combination of his ultimate strength and her weakness from Jaebeom’s venom, her defeat is inevitable. He watches in terror as Changbin sinks his teeth into the vampire’s arm before yanking her head forward and effectively snapping her neck. Jaebeom feels his insides practically soar with rage when the attacker tosses a comatose Tzuyu across the room like a useless toy.

“I’ll kill you…” He sneers, allowing his own supernatural features to overtake his face. “I’ll fucking kill you…”

Changbin shakes his head with a smirk, “I’d like to see you try.”

Using the little agility he has left, Jaebeom grabs one of the branches and speeds toward the wolf. Due to Changbin’s movements, he misses his chest, but manages to stab the weapon in his stomach. Changbin releases a pained groan, allowing Jaebeom to take advantage of his surprise and land another array of uppercuts to his face. Just when he finally thinks he has the upper hand, his opponent blocks one of his hits and pins him against a wall with a hand around his throat.

“Any last words, Prime?”

“You really think you can kill me?” Jaebeom growls, squirming against Changbin’s hold.

“I know I can… Have fun rotting in Hell—fuck!”

Shock spills through Jaebeom’s veins as the point of branch suddenly appears through the center of the wolf’s chest, splattering red across both of their bodies. Changbin’s grip releases, allowing the hybrid to quickly speed out of his reach. Once he’s a safe distances away, Jaebeom looks to his savior, discovering the one person he never expected to see—

You stand over Changbin’s body—chest heaving and bloodied hands trembling. Your eyes are glassy when Jaebeom meets your gaze, and for some reason, he feels the urge to go and pull your form into a tight embrace. Your voice, however, returns his mind to reality:

“Did I… Did I kill him?”

“I don’t think so.” Jaebeom answers, nursing his wound with his own shaky fingers. “We need to get out of here—get somewhere safe.”

“Good idea.” You trudge over to where Jinyoung is still unconsciously laid across the chair. Jaebeom follows your lead and hurries over to a lifeless Tzuyu. “I know somewhere we can go… but I don’t think you’re going to like it.”

“(Y/N)... There is an immortal, unkillable super wolf out to kill me and my brother currently in my living room…” He snorts, maneuvering Tzuyu’s body into one arm and assisting you and Jinyoung with the other.

“Trust me, anywhere is a hell of a lot better than here…”

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nxtritething · 4 years

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TASK001 : MUN QUESTIONNAIRE

name / alias : caro / care / carebear gender / pronouns : female / she&her where ya from ? : u s of a . orig n y c. the current time : 9 pm ( when i started? ) , 1 pm ( when i finished ) job or major : i majored in mechanical engineering and math. no, i canno favorite thing ( s ) about yourself : i have some good one-liners.

why you joined hqclouds : ... i helped make it. also its felt like a long while since i got to play some of my favorite babes, and i just missed them, so i obviously had to jump at an opportunity to bring them back !!!

meaning behind url : it’s uh...... next right thing , as in anna’s big song in frozen 2. and i just felt it like, FIT.

last thing you googled : zac efron high school musical gif icons, bc i wanted to use for this, but then that account was flagged as adult content and i guess those beloved gifs are lost to the void now...

zodiac : pisces in your opinion , does your sign suit you ? : yes. i am a crying fish. also i’m a pisces venus. it makes a LOT of sense. myers - briggs : istj ??? i think?? moral alignment : i can be chaotic good, but mostly neutral neutral i think hogwarts house : i used to be a slytherin, now i’m a hufflepuff. idk what happened to me.

three fictional character ( s ) you see yourself in + why : uhhhh... 1) bubbles from powerpuff girls. because i am baby. 2) juliet o’hara from psych. i’ve just been rewatching a lot of psych and i love how she’s such a serious yet funny / soft and idk why i just relate to that. 3) john mulaney in mulaney. because this is a cop-out to say i relate to anything / everything john edmund mulaney every does.

i started roleplaying : i first started on some fourms ??? on an app on my itouch ??? but my first tumblr rp group was percy jackson and everyone though i was this all knowing pjo fan... when really i was just fast to look shit up on the wikia. i had never read a single page of the series. types of rps i enjoy : fandoms, typically ! i used to be exclusively love animated roleplays? like cartoons? but then i transitioned to musicals? like, exclusively playing musical characters??? at this point, tara is like the one exception nowadays... favorite fcs to use : um... olivia holt is a recent fave? joshua basset, also. my old faves are mary kate wiles and hunter parrish tho. real old. otherwise, i don’t know if i’d say i get attached to fc’s? fandom ( s ) you’d like to write in : i kinda wanna go back to some of my cartoon roots, maybe? i really haven’t deviated from the same 8 - 9 mostly musical characters in literally years... fandom ( s ) you aren’t in but are curious about : um... the raven cycle , miraculous ladybug , uh..... everything else. i’m so randomly interested in everything.

share a funny roleplay horror story : my favorite is when i was in a youtuber rpf / oc rp, and this girl... made an oc... and made the fc... herself. she made a literal self-insert oc. with herself as the face. like low-res gifs of herself. why, you ask? i think she was trying to ship herself with dan howell. that didn’t age well, did it?

favorite canon muse ( s ) to play : do i just list all the characters i’ve been playing for literal years? my recent faves are katherine plumber from newsies and princess anna. favorite original muse ( s ) to play : i had a hunter parrish oc. he was in both the pjo and youtube rp. he was obsessed with hanging out with trees and pranks. don’t ask me why. canon ships you can’t help but love : kristoff / anna , jack kelly / katherine plumber , jake peralta / amy santiago , orpheus / eurydice , && donny novitski / julia trojan. yes, most of these are musicals. who doesn’t love a good love ballad? trope ( s ) you tend to be guilty of : uhh... adorkable, one of the boys, badass adorable

i prefer . . . angst , smut , or fluff : i am a massive sucker for fluff, but i’m so guilty of angst... i love pain. i don’t really do smut tho. sorry. long or short replies : i generally prefer short replies, unless we’ve somehow developed a thread into something long. or i’m feeling particularly inspired. pre plotting or chemistry : i love chemistry with all my heart, but sometimes it’s fun to plot past connections that can reignite? idk. mostly chemistry sentence starters or headcanon memes : headcanon memes, because im never creative to turn a sentence starter into something that makes sense, esp between two characters who don’t know each other. single muse or multimuse blogs : multimuse, because i spent too many years reblogging replies to the wrong sideblog and those days are over !!! gif icons , medium gifs , or static icons : i prefer gif icons for shorter replies and medium gifs for longer ones... or whatever my partner is using. i like some sort of consistency.

grab the book nearest to you and pull a quote from it : ‘ what’s the rush? ’ repeat this phase when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed out. ask yourself whether somethings really needs doing immediately. are you ignoring your needs in order to do it? - the little book of sloth philosophy.

what’s a quote or song lyric that speaks to your soul ? : “ did you fall? or did you let go? ” - connor murphy to evan hansen, dear evan hansen. ( idk why this immediately jump to mind but... )

top current celebrity crushes : jeremy jordan, corey cott, jordan fisher, claire saffitz, brian david gilbert. last movie you watched : bridal boot camp did you like it ? : yes. i loved it. it’s absolute garbage and i loved it. favorite movie ( s ) of all time : idk but i can always rewatch prince of egypt. godspell favorite tv show ( s ) of all time : uhh.... i keep rewatching psych. favorite tv show ( s ) that hasn’t ended : brooklyn nine-nine, zoey’s extraordinary playlist. sports team ( s ) you rep : uh... grew up in a yankee / mets household. favorite video game ( s ) : pokemon, animal crossing favorite youtube channels : drew gooden, danny gonzalez, jenna marbles.

put your music on shuffle. what six songs pop up ? :

greased lightin’ from grease live ; oh mother by hunter parrish ; nerds by bo burnham ; a miracle would happen / when you come home to me from the last five years ; just another day from next to normal ; who tells your story from hamilton mixtape.

i haven’t listened to any of these in forever, but i am still, indeed, musical theater trash.

personal aesthetic : demin overalls, scrunchies, the color teal, big stuffed animals. dream vacation ? : somewhere beautiful with people i love. dream job ? : perhaps like designing custom 3D prosthetics dream car ? : i hate driving, but a big ol’ truck. like suv. big one. favorite musical : gospell, dear evan hansen, bandstand, newsies, shrek the musical, mamma mia, i could go on... unwatched stuff in your netflix / hulu / etc : sailor moon crystal, crash landing on you, locke & key, all the bright places, the half of it, younger, meteor, hello my twenties ...

what’s a subject you know too much about + never get tired of talking about ? : musicals. so many musicals. i know both know too much and not enough.

#cloud:task #cloud:ooc #「 ooc 」♪ ˙ ˖ ♬ ❝ wait... what? ❞

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mvnikin-blog · 6 years

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alden ehrenreich + cis male + he/him.┊ ❛ ━ hey, is it just me or do you hear all i want by walk the moon playing in the distance ? oh, thats just manikin, a neutral good member of the LEAGUE OF HEROES. i suspect they might be brayden “ray” gray, a twenty-five year old bouncer at no angels nightclub with the ability of self-manipulative puppetry. according to my sources, he can be stoic, but also facetious which is probably why they remind everyone of the slightest falter of a practiced grin and freshly fallen cigarette ashes so much. anyway, a superhero or not, crystalline city is keeping a close eye on them! (logan, 18, est, she/her )

hey, howdy, hey ! i’m logan, and this is my dude brayden gray. basically, he’s a former syndicate member who found the errors of his ways but doesn’t really know where to go now that he’s apparently a hero and working a somewhat normal job again. if you want to find out more, take a gander down below here. and, if you’re so inclined, send me a lil IM to plot ! i’ve been actually trying to find an excuse to play alden and this power so i’m kind of super excited right now.

POWER

SELF-MANIPULATIVE PUPPETRY the power to control the user's own motor functions regardless of what state their body is in. user can control their own body like a marionette, allowing them to move freely even if they possess injuries or ailments that would normally impede normal movement such as paralysis, broken limbs or dislocated joints. - superpower wiki

how i’m interpreting this is he can pick up anything just like that. ballet, football, martial arts... you name it and he can do it after a few hours of watching or listening to people do it. the problem is that around the age of 21/22, he had gotten an injury that cost him the use and feeling of his body below the neck until his power kicked in yet again. his once fluid and somewhat perfect movements began to look forced and jerky. he still can’t get to those natural movements down, but he has total control over his body so he can’t fight against his power anymore. he also can’t feel anything below his neck, so things like breaking his thumbs to get out of handcuffs and fighting got a whole lot easier after.

PERSONALITY

ray is a good kid. generally speaking, he tries his best to be a good person for his family and friends but sometimes he doesn’t know the best way to do it so he slides into situations most good people avoid because it’s all he can figure out.

he’s also a very, very, very closed off individual. that jelly jar you can’t open ? it’s him. not to say he’s not friendly with people (because that’s entirely the opposite of true), but he hates talking about himself and his issues. he’d rather die of a splinter than ask someone to take it out for him. instead of talking about real problems he makes jokes and changes the subject if it’s about him. if someone else needs help and they’re apart of his friend/family group, you better bet he’s there in minutes to help or to at least make them laugh. very heavy dad friend vibes because he basically was a dad for so long at so young.

honestly ? he hates fighting, but he attracts it like a light to moths... but, he’s also really good at it ? ever since he was 16 he had been working at bars and clubs as a bouncer because fighting just came easily to him and every time he got into one he hated it but it was what it was. and when he became a villain it kind of just was what it was. it was part of the trade off to him but don’t think for a second he didn’t have long nights trying to forget all the things he did.

he’s way more mature than a 25 year old should be. granted, he’s made mistakes and he seems like that one annoying kid singing offkey in a starbucks to make someone laugh, but he’s really not. he has wrinkles in places he shouldn’t and hands rougher than they should be, he’s seen the side of people that are typically very well hidden, and he’s skipped over the whole being a kid phase to grow up quick. so when he says “i understand,” he almost always genuinely means it.

BACKGROUND ( death, paralysis tw )

from the second ray was born, he laughed and it took a whole lot to make him finally cry. he had a mother who loved him, a father who couldn’t care any less, and a whole world waiting to take him in. when he got home, he was safely secured in his mother’s arms until the next year when he started walking and running around the house causing a little bit of chaos for his stay-at-home mother and his father who, after coming home from long days working, just went to bed and left his wife to deal with the energy he had.

just as he was starting out kindergarten, his family changed very rapidly. his baby brother, noah, was born and their father left the family for another woman the same month. his mother had to get a job and ray had no choice but to help take care of his brother while doing school and trying to continue being a kid at the same time.

his life started to become a pattern. he had school, some sort of free after school thing, walking home to his brother, cook dinner, start the coffee for his mother when she came back for her two hour nap, sleep, repeat. after he turned 16 however, when his brother was about 11, he made the decision to drop out of school and begin working in at a nightclub that gave him some slack for his age if they could pay him in cash. he agreed immediately and the extra income and time during the day helped out with the family a lot more than going to school would have helped him and it gave his brother a chance to not have to do the same.

a year into this brand new job, ray found out that the reason he was getting paid in cash wasn’t just so that he could work the long hours at his age and not have someone on payroll... it was instead because they weren’t just a club. they had an illegal business in the back that they wanted to protect as well. there they sold objects you wouldn’t want people to know you have like guns, drugs, high tech, and more... when he found this out they called him into the office and offered him a lot more money if he took care of security for the club and started going out with them on deals for safety. there was hesitation, but it came down to how much good he could do for his family when he told them yes. they were in too much debt and their house was on the verge of foreclosure for him to say no.

from there he continued to stay home to help his family and their debt, but he also spiraled into a lot more criminal acts. he started getting more involved in this organization and as he got older, he got more useful to them and more stuck in the cycle. he never stopped raising his brother, in fact he worked harder to make sure he was better than himself, but his time home became less and less. he didn’t know anything else to do so he kept with it for the next five years when he thought his brother had ran away.

the moment his mother called him freaking out, he quit working with these people and drove home as fast as he could. part of him worried it was the line of work he was in, but the reality was that it was a hard environment to live in and he figured he tried to run away. there was a few nights calling around and praying someone would know something before he decided to pack up his things, leave most of his savings to their mother, and look in the city in case he could find his brother or someone who could find him.

a few weeks into the investigation, his mother had come down to visit him in a ragtag little apartment and while the two were talking the building came down. nobody really knows what happened, but within seconds the building started to crumble and lives were lost... including his mother’s. on top of that, ray was severely injured and at the hospital he was told that his spine had been damaged and he wouldn’t be able to move below his neck. it was so much devastating news, but what made it worse was that something was off with what the doc said. when she left, he tried to scratch his nose and instead of realizing what she actually said and going “oh,” he actually did it. that’s when he knew that he had some sort of ability and he sort of freaked out. during that night, he left the hospital so he didn’t have to explain anything and then he sat down and tried to come up with some sort of plan to avoid thinking about his mother.

somehow his plans led to him meeting someone from this syndicate who promised him that they'd find his brother if he helped them out. he's done some bad things in his time to help out his family, so what would have made this different? he agreed with only a thimble of hesitation and put in the same work effort he had had oh so long ago.

after being with this organization of supervillains for so long, he lost hope that he'd fine his brother. he figured that if he hadn't found him in these three years that he'd never do so. his conscience began to weigh on him and when the first of the year came around, he took a chance to leave the organization and use his gift for good instead of being selfish and these past few months have been a trial period for him because who would trust a guy with his background ?

CONNECTIONS

the person who vouched for him to the league. maybe they knew him for a while and then found out who/what he was ? maybe they were the one he got into contact with when he wanted to change sides ? maybe they were fighting and suddenly he goes “i want to be good again” ? we can talk about this and figure it out because this is a biggie.

a genuine friend at the syndicate. someone who he still keeps in contact with despite now being on opposite sides. they get coffee together in secret, and just are good friends. maybe they’re both set in their paths and while he would like them to come with him, he’d rather them both to be friends... or maybe they want to change too ?

an ex because honestly ? an old s/o would really be sweet and there’s so many connections you could do with it.

i don’t know, more to come !

#gloryhqs.intro #i'm gonna get to starters in a minute!

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aimeetiggzx-blog · 6 years

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I Used to Think My Abusive Relationship Was My Fault. Now I Know I’m worth more.

I have spent most of my teenage years in emotionally and physically abusive relationships. Until a almost a year ago, I thought I was the worst kind of damaged goods, a girl who could only love men who hurt her I means that’s been my past since I was 15. 5 years now! I didn't want to talk about my experiences at first because I thought that my kind of pain was self-inflicted. If I was stupid enough to stay, I deserved it,

I know there are three sides to every story. In this article, you're going to hear one and that’s mine - Aimee Carver. I don't write this with venom. The men I've been involved with were handsome, smart, charming and talented. There were good times. The bad times outweighed them.

Most people don't know I've been in (to clarify again) emotionally abusive relationships. From the outside, I'd bet my life looks pretty great. Some parts of it always were. I guess I am proof that there is no likely candidate for abuse.

For a long time, I found my romantic past, when the hits started happening I started dreaming of all my ex-boyfriends again.

Trauma is a funny thing. It hides in the shadowy corners of your mind, resurfacing when all you want is for it to be erased from your memory forever.

I'm writing this for a lot of reasons. Some of them are:

I think abusive relationships are an epidemic in our society. It could help someone understand their friend, their sister, their daughter who keeps going back. It could help someone who keeps going back. Because articles like this helped me. Because what trauma really wants is a voice. To anyone who needs help, You think you are crazy. You're anxious all the time. Your heart beats quickly. You have a lot of questions for your boyfriend at the time that you don't feel like you can ask. You wonder if you're always being lied to. You spend a lot time in the past, likely when you first fell in love him. You apologize constantly two your new lover, When you explain your fights to anyone who will listen, no one understands why you're apologizing. You are always confused. You're high as a fucking kite when he's nice to you. He says "one small thing," and with an embarrassing clarity, you are reminded of all the parts of yourself you hate. How can he see those parts so clearly? You cry a lot, you hide a lot. Sometimes you know why. Sometimes you don't.

You are not crazy even if you think your going insane your not.

When you're with your boyfriend in my case my ex you're usually with just him alone. You feel weird around your friends and family, the people you used to feel the most yourself and safest around. You can't remember how to feel like yourself anymore. Now, being in your own skin is like a long dull headache that won't lift and then that slowly feels like normal. Pretty much all your thoughts about yourself are negative.

"I used to be funny, why aren't I funny anymore?"

You think you are crazy.

“Why ain’t I perfect”

“Why ain’t I skinny”

“Jumping over a hug”

There will be good days with your boyfriend. There will be miraculous days of exquisite and suffering beauty between you two.

The sad truth - On these days, you will feel better than the best and like everything's okay. You will believe that the chaos has made you stronger; that he loves you more than anything. These days are bright spots in the darkness that has descended upon you. They are the moments of hope that you'll cling to, your proof that everything is okay, until one wrong word is said and your in hospital due to his harsh actions.But at that time moments aren't a life. Moments aren't enough. You deserve weeks, months and years of feeling like everything is okay. You deserve a lifetime of that.When your relationship ends like mine did, you will drown in the confusing, competing narratives in your head, just like you did while in the relationship. Memory is going to be a weird thing for you for a while. Grief is a delusional state.

We really loved each other (so you thought) I could've helped him if I'd tried harder (but you tried and failed) I'm not perfect. And sometimes, I don't think love should feel like this.

The latter will be quieter, the former will roar inside you. Some days, you will think you left the most beautiful relationship and the truest love in the whole world. Some days you will think you are just hysterical and crazy and that you weren't being abused at all. Until very recently, I still had days like that. After you break up with him, you might not feel an immediate sense of relief, empowerment or really anything that resembles "I know this is the right thing." You will likely feel very alone. Unfortunately, coming out of the fog with your eyes open is more painful than slipping into one without noticing.

But just always remember: feelings aren't the truth. You aren't the worst off you've ever been. Expect the sadness. It sounds crazy but welcome it. That sadness is going to live in you for a long time and it will teach you a lot. I know you don't believe me, but that sadness is your friend. That sadness is your becoming.

Not everyone you lose is a loss.

Tell your story no matter how murky the details seem at first. Keep talking. Read every article you can find on abuse until you feel an intellectual understanding of what happened tunnel into you emotionally. The head will come first, your heart will follow; it will all become clearer.

If you're lucky like I was, you'll find a therapist that can help you. And now I’m in a healthy, beautiful, loving relationship with my boyfriend Louis. It’s early stages but it’s the best kind of love feeling ever. He taught me what love is like, he taught me care but most of all he taught me to be myself again and for that im greatful every single day to you!

Don’t get me wrong you will have to reflect on your past relationship. Don't blame yourself for not leaving sooner, and don't let anyone else blame you, either. In moments of trauma and shock the brain has a funny way of protecting itself. It's called disassociating. You have done a lot of this. You will remember about three months in your ex-boyfriend did something and it was like a mask was lifted. He showed you a person you had never met before. I mention this because statistically an abusive person will do something that throws you completely off balance within the first three months. Then, they will be really sorry.

You will come to learn that real love is not a cycle of cruelty, effusive apologies, a honey-moon period, then a dreaded waiting for the other shoe to drop followed by more cruelty. Abusive relationships are defined by this pattern. When you do leave, you will realize that the space that your relationship took up was enormous. It was, whether you knew it or not, the monkey on the back of every thought you had. When it's gone, the emptiness left in its wake will feel like an ocean around you

It will take way longer than you want to "get over it," and you will think you will never reach the shore.

You will. When I was newly single and going on dates, this is how it went. First, I dated blindly and way more than I should have. I was attracted to guys who were like all my ex-boyfriends, physically and emotionally. Then, I started dating people who were completely different but whom I was not ready to love. Like a teacher, I observed how they treated me with a confusing detachment and thought, "Oh, so this is what it should be like."

"So, this is what kindness is like."

Dating made me feel like the loneliest person in the world for a long time. I wish now I hadn't done it at all, but withdrawal is painful and uncomfortable. I was willing to try anything to feel just a little better. But trust me just like me your king will find his way to you and it will be a little weird at first but that weirdness goes and it will become the most perfect thing in your life.

But in every process till you are full over it You will miss your ex boyfriend in a way you didn't know was possible and you don't think should be allowed. You will want to get back together. Abusive relationships fuck your brain chemistry up. They're addictive, and the withdrawal is not fun.

Don't worry tho baby girl.. with time, your brain will even out. In awhile, you won't want to be with him anymore. Crying helps you detox, so do a lot of it( I still cry alone due to all the horrible flashbacks and memories) you just have to find someone who’s willing to understand and help you over come them not make them worse. So does sleeping, exercise, therapy, eating healthy, seeing your friends and laughing.

For me, alcohol didn't really help I broke down every time trying to kill myself due to the fact of feeling so dirty and broken Or I guess, it did, until it didn't.

When you're in the withdrawal phase, you'll begin to understand why you thought being in an abusive relationship was okay for you. You're going to have to look at a lot of your past and your inherited patterns it’s best to do that alone.. It can get heavy but knuckle through it. You can do it. I’m proof that it can be done.

You will tell people that know your ex-boyfriend about what happened and how he treated you. Likely, no one will be surprised by his behaviour. Likely, no one will confront him. This is one of the saddest parts of our world. You will feel like the last one in on a sick joke.

Your ex-boyfriend will probably never apologize to you. If you do hear from him or see him, he will make you feel crazy. He's really good at that (like sending pics of him and his new girlfriend kissing) He will likely minimize your history, dismiss your relationship and pull the rug out from under you again. The way he frames you and your relationship will be distorted.

I believe that amends can happen, but usually, not in a timely manner. Like you need time to really unpack and understand why it all happened, so will he. Now factor into this that you have the desire to understand yourself and your behaviour. The closure you desire is a myth and it's not reachable in one conversation. Closure happens slowly and keeps happening. You'll give it to yourself.

If you leave your boyfriend for someone else, beware. Until you truly understand why you were in the situation you were, emotionally and intellectually, your subconscious will have a sad way of attracting an identical relationship that looks completely different from the outside. This is not always true.

At first, when the fog is lifting, you will look at your past self with shock and disgust. Then, later, you will look at your past self with sadness. Then, with understanding. Finally, you feel the most visceral pride for the moment you left, even if you didn't want to because you did that on the blind faith that life might be better on the other side. You did that on hope alone. You didn't know what you do now. That's so brave.

“You are so brave”- the only words I need to hear yet waiting for it.

I know how scared you are. I still get scared. My years of all the recovery has been the most challenging and rewarding of my life. It's not perfect and I don't think it ever will be. I get lonely and restless. I live with those feelings. Actually, I try to understand them. One day, your life will look like a version of mine. Things will keep getting better and better, faster and faster. Good things will keep finding you. You will be really happy. That happiness will get so big that you won't notice how the sadness is lifting until it's almost gone.

My life is full of hard work, art, friends who love and support me, friends that I am lucky to know. I have more energy than I know what to do with. I am the most productive I have ever been. I sing, I dance, I have meaningful conversation, I rest, I laugh a lot, I stay out too late. I am closer to my family than ever before. I found my way back to my old friends.

Maybe I'm becoming myself again.

Finally, (I know you're worried about this) you will meet someone else. You will fall in love again and this time, it will be about more than your wounds matching up with someone else's. It will be different and it will be better(I’m proof of that too my new boyfriend is my world for all the good reasons) But something becomes more important to you than romantic love and it's called self-worth. It will feel like it happens almost over night, but you will grow to love the person you are.

You should.

You fought hard to become her.

So love her.

Love Tiggz

AimeeCarver

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readfelice-blog · 6 years

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moominland chronicles elf . its not you, its me.

Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and caldron bubble. Fillet of a fenny snake, In the caldron boil and bake; Eye of newt and toe of frog, Wool of bat and tongue of dog, Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting, Lizard's leg and howlet's wing, For a charm of powerful trouble, Like a hell-broth boil and bubble. Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and caldron bubble. Cool it with a baboon's blood, Then the charm is firm and good.

It's late today, well i mean there is no set time, but im slow, on this gorgeous early autumnal sunday, i dozed till 15h, getting up intermittently to empty my washing machine, tug at my hair (vinegar makes it sticky? I'm trying to find the perfect all natural solution to shampoo because I’m no poo now : https://www.nopoomethod.com , in fact i’m practising a very loose version of alchemy in my house, trying to find drinks that energise but don't make me anxious, cleaning solutions for my body and for my house that bewitch the nostrils and incinerate grease / kalk. Essentially I’m just concocting weird stuff, hunched over materials collected around the city, boiling my hell broths in ikea pans, surrounded by recycled jars).....

Lets press on…...

Yes, my morning, my intro to the day, I was up so late because I was up last night so late, till 4am, painting and listening to sweet feminine soundwaves in my kitchen, getting it done in my way, step by step. Because now I’m working a 5 day week again, my days are 3 hours long, 5 at a push, 6 in the most extreme cases, so now I’m back to burrowing out time where i can find it, because now i have my teeth dug in to a big project, a big project that will be realized, for the first time since may May last year.

May last year:

I killed myself, artistically, me artistically is the majority of me.

My whole life has been sewn into my practise, my method, my way of understanding and redistributing everything that comes into my life, and May last year I moved out of the house I shared with my ex husband , moon, and into a shared flat, to embark on a restorative journey. Me and moon were not doing well in our little cramped caravan, we were at each other's throats incessantly, already broken up, him with a new partner, me in full swing of frantic madness, fuelled by bottomless bottles of booze.

Day in day out in my studio, I slowly turned my 450sq ft basement into a mermaids cave, drunk on 8% cider, night after night, sticking black bin liners to the walls with double sided tape, hanging spirals of bubblewave to the ceiling, spray painting floor tiles, screaming at the camera on my iphone half naked, making terrifying life size dolls and cry singing to myself, emphatically paranoid and fractured, writing letters to a man I’d never met who I thought could save me. It was my last great project, I created a film I can never show my parents and documented myself throwing my life away, in my wedding dress, shadowed by the virgin: a wreckage, a car crash, a lot of footage I haven’t been able to edit because I haven’t got the equipment to do so.

It's all stored on a clunky hard drive bundled up with the moon, he saved it for me, without him I would of lost it because my laptop, his laptop, broke in the middle of me editing it and since then its been untouched. I’m afraid the hours of video that follow me dancing around everything i’d ever owned up until that point, rigorously chucking it all in more black bin liners. When I can find a place to edit everything and the capacity in my mind, then I can piece it back together and show it to the world.

Since May last year, I have totally uprooted my life, moved out of London, had a very strange, sometimes beautiful, sometimes harrowing time with my family in Devon, rolled through Turin, Cork, Helsinki, chasing the man I’ve never met, blocking the man I’ve never met at the behest of my friend in Cork, defending and understanding my art more deeply in Helsinki, and finding Tove Jansson. Her bronze bust on the door of the studio she used to hold, her gorgeous expanding black and white prints in the mumin cafe that towered in the sky under artificial light, her room in the museum of Modern Art, her soul in the botanical gardens amongst the families having lunch together.

It's been a glorious invigorating illuminating intrepid journey (I’ve been writing a hip hop song recently, can you tell?) but its not been anything monumental in terms of creation and since May last year is the longest time I have gone without a major project in my life, for possibly my entire adult life, bar being at uni, where conversely I was more orientated towards squat parties than art making.

So here I sit now, with a great big juicy exciting idea inflated in a giant balloon, ready to be released into the atmosphere, the only snag is that it needs to be manifested into real material, which means a lot of work, and so, I find myself back in a place I’d forgotten about.

That's the very good thing about having such a long break, is now I can totally observe what happens to me when I’m in this phase: it’s quite extreme from a fledgling perspective.

Not fueled by booze this time, but instead concocting things to give me a buzz that I can buy in the supermarket (don’t drink to much valerian, it gives you a bad tummy, im not drowsy or euphoric I just feel sick from the after affects and rancid smell) and developing my cleaning routine to be the most streamlined and creative that it can be, to give my art sustenance.

But if I could I would lock myself away from the world in a cabin far up on a mountain and painfully draw out everything in a more concentrated form, the cleaning is fine for now but it's hard to concentrate when I have to go to peoples houses and deal with their kalk as well, it might be one of the factors in why the whole thing is so stressful, but I have the suspicion that it will always be stressful, even if I ever get the luxury to entirely dedicate my day to working on my art.

The big thing I’m noticing is incessant, almost intolerable paranoia, that someone will steal my idea and present it to the world before I’m done. I notice it now and then I turn and look at my past and see its infected traces throughout my history, it's a big driving force in getting the work finished and I’m starting to see that I cannot share or talk about what I’m doing when I’m in the midst of it, but all i want to do is share and talk about it, hence why that cabin would be a better place than a city I’m not fully established in.

I know it’s unreasonable, untrusting, maybe even unkind of me, to believe that someone would steal something like this from me. I know that sharing ideas is healthy and loving and makes the world go round, but this paranoia is totally immovable and so I just accept it and try to satiate it, hoping by feeding it homemade remedies that it won’t make my life worse.

But these big idea’s, they come upon me, I don’t choose them, all the strands of my life and experimentation ferment slowly and then one day I wake up and I know what I have to do, then as I start to do it it grows and morphs, develops, things come and go from my wall, until I have reduced and finelined the parameters of a project, that's where I am now, all the mental groundwork is laid, its just the creation that's left, I’m now half way through the musical aspect of it but not halfway through the visual and I need to amp up, because it must be done by November the second, so I can take it to Turin with me, so I can deposit it at the gates of hell, so I can complete a cycle, so I can be free to make blue music and who knows what, maybe try something formless, kind and organic - that's not for me to know yet though.

Once it rears its great dense head, I am in its power, I am in the throng of obeying my art and that's a lonely place to be. It's lonely being an artist, some of us are collaborative and collective and have communities, but I’m not among those right now, this project, lets just call it by its name for here in : восем acht ocho : is not something I can share and make with others, it is a process of me picking up the pieces of my life, of giving praise to the moon, who has saved me and supported me so many times. I must give praise to him finally so I can move on and give praise to myself.

So I sit in my house and dutifully work back and forth between paint and ableton, singing and faux performing in my hallway in between, performing to my very tolerant invisible neighbours that must think I’m some kind of banshee from a deep buried part of the world. I sit in my house alone, I reject all the invitations extended to me, I retract from the life I am building to some extent and just hope the friends I have been finding will be understanding, though it's hard to explain to someone that I can’t come because of something I am choosing to do myself. It's not work related in terms of my bread and butter, Its not health related, I’m not resting, I guess a lot of people won’t understand which is perhaps why I feel compelled to try and somehow explain myself in this blog today.

I must make this work, it is not a choice, I am in my house alone because this idea has bound me up and demands my care and attention, because for the first time in over a year I can make work again and make it with diligence, create something on a large scale. It means that Berlin is working, this is the change I was looking for, because I feel like I have a future again, whilst the 100’s of drawings, paintings, books, trinkets from my life decay in some junk yard close to London, I have the space to bring new art into the world. It’s really a glorious turning point in my life so far.

I am still terrified that it will all collapse in on me at any time, but there are ways of fighting this paranoia, careful planning, creative problem solving, and probably just not talking about the details of what I am doing anymore until it is finished.

Phew, nothing enlightening this week, more of an attempt to bridge the gap between myself and the life that flows around me. I’m now off to edit my most current track on ableton then do some line work and probably make up some mixes of citric acid / bicarbonate of soda cleaner for the week ahead.

We just have to do what we must, and be grateful when we know what it is we must do.

#big ideas #realisation #self growth

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cheollies · 7 years

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Fanboy!Wonwoo

A/N: IT’S JULY 17TH KOREA TIME SO TECHNICALLY IT’S WONWOO’S BIRTHDAY

The really secret about it type of fan

Like you wouldn’t expect him to like girl groups until you see his wallpaper

Lowkey but hardcore your fan

Likes the most random things about you

‘I like the smol mole on her arm’

“HOW DO YOU EVEN SEE THAT WONWOO”

how he came to know you?

well, he was up at midnight you know, just staring at his phone like everyone does

and he’s doing the thing where you just randomly click through youtube videos because you’re bored

Wonwoo was scrolling through the next recommended videos when he saw this cat being weird video but when he went to go click on it, his hand slipped and he clicked on the video below it

and he’s just like ‘well im too lazy to go back now’

the video was a vlive and yes you were the one doing the live

Wonwoo was initially going to click on another video, but then he heard your voice

It was soo sweet and soothing to his ears that he just stopped and started watching

and he fell

HARD

Suddenly it’s 7 in the morning, the sun is starting to peek out and Wonwoo knows your birthday, your birth place, your favorite song, your pets, your favorite food and color

Wonwoo didn’t fall for your music, he fell for you and your personality

He thinks this is just a small phase, that he’ll get over it in a week

But now it’s six months later and his folder of photos of you has gone over 600

Wonwoo does finally take time to listen to your group songs, and he’s just over the moon when he hears your voice

‘AN ANGEL IS SINGING’

Stumbles across a video of you doing a cover and he’s sitting in the dark, in the middle of the night, with his heart jumping out of his chest

Heard you rap once and lost it

bc you were so good but then you got all shy about it in the video and Wonwoo was melting

absolutely LOVES when you pull out them pun jokes

like he’s sitting there in his room, in the library, in the café, laughing his ass off like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard

doesn’t forget to remind people of that moment

‘remember when they said…’

‘YES WONWOO WE REMEMBER’

Created a Tumblr blog dedicated to you

Got really confused the first week on how to use the site

for the first two months he reblogged a lot of stuff just pertaining to you

got really interested in those things people call gifs

so he learned everything he could about it and mastered the art of gif making in a few weeks

started making gifs of you

they got really popular because at first he just did regular ones from vlives and interviews but then all of a sudden he’s making these cute and aesthetically pleasing ones of you

and the whole kpop world is freaking out

people requested him to do other idols, or at least other members but he’s like

‘sorry I only do them for y/n’

He met Joshua on Tumblr

Joshua messaged Wonwoo privately, asking if he can use Wonwoo’s gifs that he made from one your interviews and translate it to english

(bc that particular gif was the part of the interview that you talked about Joshua’s bias)

Wonwoo took like 3 days to answer because he was so nervous and hesitant

Finally agrees to letting Joshua use it

Wonwoo discovers the world of crediting the gif maker when Joshua puts a little credit at the end of the post

Wonwoo doesn’t know how but he continues to talk to Joshua and finally one day Joshua’s like ‘bro you should join this group chat I’m in’

And Wonwoo’s like sure because it’s 1 in the morning and he’s dead tired and he doesn’t know what he’s saying because he knocks out dead asleep after he sends that message

Wakes up the next morning to 1,000 new messages and two guys names Cheol and Woozi screaming all caps about their biases

Wonwoo discovers he fits right in with these dorks and now he has best friends who he can talk to about you

Gets really emotional at like 3 in the morning about you and everyone is just

‘wonwoo are you okay’

The guys are all talking about their past experiences with fanmeets and concerts and Wonwoo is there like ‘lol never been to one’

The group chat falls dead silent for 5 minutes

Joshua: WTF WONWOO EVEN I’VE SEEN THEM AND I’M IN AMERICA

Everyone’s screaming and now everyone is determined to help Wonwoo meet you

Luckily, thanks to mama Jeonghan, he has connections and is able to bring Wonwoo with him to the groups next fanmeet

Gets really nervous the more he gets closer to the venue

And Jeonghan is laughing and sending pic and videos of Wonwoo being nervous to the groupchat

Wonwoo’s standing there in the crowd, and when you come out with your members, he’s so frozen

He’s SHOOK to the core bc ‘she’s real. SHE’S ACTUALLY REAL. I SEE HER’

Jeonghan took a video of that moment and everyone in the group chat is laughing

It’s at the part of the fan meet where everyone is going on stage to meet the idols and Wonwoo is next and his hands are literally shaking because you’re the first one

He feels his stomach churning and he’s so scared

Jeonghan already went up, and so Wonwoo is looking at him in the crowd who’s giving Wonwoo a thumbs up

And Wonwoo wants to cry because HE’S NEXT

Jeonghan literally stops taking pics and videos of his bias to capture Wonwoo’s moment

It’s Wonwoo’s turn to go and you look over at Wonwoo and everything just stops

All sound is drowned out, he’s staring into your eyes, taking in your features, your straight hair, the cute flower crown on your head, the way your lips curl up into a smile, and you give a small gesture for him to move forward

and it isn’t until a staff is pushing him that he snaps back into reality

he hears you giggle when he sits down, he thinks he’s going to pass out

your hand brushes his when he gives you a cute plush doll and suddenly he feels nauseous

‘you don’t look good’ you give him this concerned look, and you touch his hand asking him if he’s sick

Wonwoo shakes his head and he’s cursing because HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY

You’re trying to get him to talk but he’s so quiet so you’re like ‘who’s your bias’ since it kinda seems he doesn’t like you

But he spits out the word ‘I like you’

And you give him the biggest grin and he’s swooning, and he’s seeing the next people start to move and now he’s rushing to get everything out

‘I really really like you and your music and you’re really cute when you rap and you’re so nice when you help the other members and I find your puns and jokes really funny and I hope you win on the next music show’

It all came out really fast and you’re processing everything and it’s possibly the sweetest thing you’ve heard in a while, so you smile really big while grabbing his hand

And for the next minute Wonwoo is in heaven because you don’t let go of his hand and you’re asking him random questions as you sign the pages and answer his question

Almost falls to his knees when he goes back to Jeonghan

Jeonghan is screaming because he got the whole thing on video and he took nice pics

Now Wonwoo is screaming because he can relive the moment

Wonwoo post all the pics and videos to his blog and obviously gives credit to Jeonghan

Lets just say Wonwoo never misses a fanmeet after that, and he even goes with the other guys

For his birthday, everyone is screaming

The group chat fills with pictures of just you in celebration to Wonwoo’s birthday

His followers are sending him birthday messages

Jeonghan reposted those first moments of Wonwoo meeting you on his fansite

To Wonwoo’s luck, you did a vlive on the day of his birthday

And as he’s watching, he sees these messages on the chat screaming ‘IT’S WONWOO’S BIRTHDAY PLS SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY’

And it’s 12 boys screaming it at the same time so you notice it, and you’re laughing before saying ‘Happy Birthday Wonwoo, I love you!!’

Wonwoo died

Rip Wonwoo July 17th 2017

Puts a gif of you saying Happy birthday to him on his blog and everyone freaked

Made the gif his header

Cried for a week after

Fanboy Wonwoo just adores you so much, he’s seen you so much that he’s no longer nervous when he meets you at the fanmeets. And you find him really cute and nice to talk to, you’ve recognized him so much that you wave to him in the crowd and honestly Wonwoo can’t find anyone more perfect than you who smiles his way and remembers his name.

#happy birthday wonwoo #wonwoo #svt #wonwoo scenarios #svt scenarios #seventeen #seventeen scenario

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graysonpuzzle · 7 years

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Unstable

NOTE: Freshly edited this. I’d like to warn that in this chapter there is a panic attack/anxiety. Also, for the rest of this fic (I like to call it a book lol) this warning will apply, and all of the anixety/panic related things are based on my own experiences, so if you think they are weird/innaccurate, I am basing them off my own panic attacks and anxiety. There is also violence, cussing and all that stuff. I would love some feedback on my writing!

THE PUZZLE

Chapter Three

----------------------------- June 6th, 1990

“Mommy please don't go!” I remember telling my mom, as I pulled on her shirt.

“I know honey, but mommy and daddy have to help their friends, ok?” She replied and my dad came galloping down the stairs

“Ready girls?” He asked and grabbed his car keys.

I didn't think much of the ride to my grandparents house, but now I think of that car ride constantly; that was the last car ride I'd have with my parents. My dad picked me up out of the car and carried me to grandpas front door. I cried when they left, begging them to stay.

Grandpa said they would be gone for a week at the most. A week passed, then another. In the kitchen of the second week, Grandpa answered the phone and he dropped the phone, letting it hang by the cord. I tried to ask him what was wrong, but he composed himself and acted as if it was nothing. Even though I was small, I knew something was wrong. I was always a smart kid, and could read people before Grandpa made me learn.

Weeks turned into months and everyday I asked my Grandpa when my parents were coming to get me. His replies were always the same: ‘They'll be here in no time, Gray.”

One night I had a nightmare, the first of many that would take place most nights for the rest of my life. I went to my Grandpa's room looking for comfort but instead, he was weeping on the edge of his bed. I ended up doing the comforting.

“It’s ok, Grandpa, I miss Mommy and Daddy too, but you said they’ll be here soon,” I tried to explain, but I didn't understand why he kept crying.

He pulled me up onto his lap and through his tears told me, “Mommy and Daddy went to heaven, we won't see them for a long time.”

As I got older, I understood and remembered every detail of the last day I saw them. I think of my mom when I listen to her favorite music. I think of my Dad when I wear the necklace he gave my mom when they were teenagers. It’s a small chain with the moon on it; I remember my mom loving to go outside and look at the stars, the moon represented her love for the night and stars.

On my birthday each year Grandpa would give me something of theirs. I could tell it pained him to let go of those things, but he always told me they would want me to have them. Everywhere I go I wear the necklace, I listen to the music in the car, and read the books they used to own.

December 29th, 2006

“New York really is pretty in the winter,” I think outloud.

“It’s going to be even better when we kill this werewolf,” Dean states.

We check into the first motel with vacancy and I check in first.

“One king please,” I say to the woman behind the counter, getting money out of my pocket.

“Sorry, sweetie, the only room left is a double queen,” she replies with a severe smokers voice. I look at Sam and Dean, they just nod, whatever that means.

“The three of us will take that room then,” I say and hand her money, and she hands me the keys.

We walk down the hall to find our room. I unlock the door and stand in the entrance in shock. There are mirrors on the ceiling, no wonder it was rather expensive, and it was the last room left. The brothers walk in and Dean just starts smiling like a wierdo. Sam doesn't seem to care and sets his bag on the couch. I drop my bag on the floor and make my way back to the check in desk.

I ring the bell and the same woman comes to the counter, “Yes?”

“Are you sure there aren't any more rooms left, there's um-”

“Mirrors on the ceiling? I know, Sorry hon, it's the last room we got, surprising though since it's almost New Years,” she says.

I walk back to the room, a little disgusted by the room that I have to share with two guys. I get a shiver down my spine and open the door. I throw myself on the first bed and can't stop saying the word ‘ew’ in my mind over and over again.

“We should get started on the case soon, only a few hours until it's dark,” I hear Sam say and sit up.

“Well let's head to the station then,” Dean says.

“Alright,” Sam agrees and they both look at me.

“I think I'm going to check on the latest scene and see if I can find anything,” I say.

“What? No,” Dean says, “I think you should stick with us.”

“Why? Because I’m ‘unstable?’ I can handle myself,” I argue.

“Yeah, actually that's exactly why,” he admits.

“Listen you prick, you don't know me, you have your problems and I have mine,” I snap.

“Dean, come on-” Sam starts but Dean cuts him off.

“STAY OUT OF THIS SAM!”

“Look at that, you just think you're the boss of everyone! Do you always talk to your brother like that?”

“I don't think you're experienced enough to hunt by yourself,” He replies and ignores my question.

“Really? I've been training since I was 7 years old, I could kill you right now just by poking the right pressure points.”

“That doesn't mean anything.”

“It doesn't? Fine, how about I use my knife throwing to defend myself? Or how about archery? Maybe even mixed martial arts?” I list, and Sam raises his brows, impressed by the skills my grandfather made me learn.

“None of that means that you make good decisions!” Dean yells.

“Oh, so it's my judgement?”

“YES! You freaking took on a vampire nest by yourself and now you want to take on a werewolf? Are you insane?”

“You know what, since we're pointing out things ‘wrong’ with me, why don't I point out yours?” I ask sarcastically, “Let's see, who is it that made enemies with Gordon and got me attacked because of it? And you won't even tell me why!”

“That has nothing to do with what we're talking about!” He yells.

I ignore him and continue, “You know what, maybe I will listen to you, if you're honest. Thats one thing I got over you, buddy, at least im honest. Yeah, I'm a little too confident, sometimes I think I can handle these things by myself, but you know what?”

“You're getting on my nerves,” he fumes.

“I can tell just by looking at you that you lie all the time. You lie to make yourself feel better, you lie to your brother quite a bit, and I know for a fact that you bottle everything inside just so people don't see it,” He looks frustrated now, I think I hit him hard, “But I can see right through you, so next time you want to accuse me of being unstable, just look at yourself.”

I put on my jacket, gloves and hat and go to the door, “And just in case you were wondering, psychology is another thing my grandpa trained me in you asshole,” I finish and slam the door behind me.

I make my way to the scene, which is a rather long walk. I get on the street where we think the most recent attack took place. The last kill was in an alleyway. I hear trashcans moving in an alley and go to it. It’s only a cat, scrounging for food, I’m guessing. I pull out what's left of a pack of teddy grahams and give it to the cat. She takes them and rubs against me.

“You're not a big bad wolf, are you?” I say and scratch her head. She looks up suddenly and runs away.

“Fine.” I'm hurt, I thought we were bonding. I turn around to see what the cat saw, there a man standing at the end of the alley. “I don't really feel like getting mugged right now, so leave me alone,” and I keep walking, sure that I can kick his ass if he tries anything.

As I approach, he doesn't move and I can see him better with each step I take. Hes muscular, tall and overall sketchy looking. He stares at me as if I'm an old friend.

“Kelly?” He asks.

“Uh, sorry pal, I'm not the girl you think I am,” I say and walk past him, but he grabs my arm and squeezes hard.

“You look just like my Kelly,” he breathes rather hard and continues, “Beautiful Hazel eyes, waved chestnut hair...”

“Ok, creep, let me go,” I say and jerk my arm out of his grasp and continue walking. I hear a low growl then look back at the man, “look, back off- oh my god.”

The man doesn't look how he did seconds ago...he's the monster im hunting. I pull out my gun and shoot, hitting him in the shoulder as he charges at me. I sprint down the street to get away but I can feel him on my heels. Think, Grayson, think. I take a sharp turn down a different alley that I passed earlier. There's a high fence at the end, it might not stop him, I just hope it gives me time to get away. I get to the fence and climb as fast as I can, but after getting a few feet up, it's over; I feel his claws latch themselves into my ankle and wrench me down. I land on my back and aim my gun but he smacks it from my hand. I crawl backwards like a crab until my back hits the fence.

He puts his face inches from mine and just stares for what feels like minutes. He makes an animal noise and I close my eyes, I don't want to see what he does next. I expect him to kill me, but instead he lifts me up and I open my eyes. Hes carrying me over his beastly shoulder. Shit shit shit, this is not good.

I constantly try to fight, but he squeezes me with so much strength that I have to gasp for breath. He ends up taking me to an abandoned building or something, maybe an old dog kennel, judging by the cages. He literally throws me into one and I land on my tailbone.

“So what now? Trust me I'm shallow and won't fall in love with you based on your personality,” I say, hoping to get a rise out of him so he makes noise or gives me a chance at escape.

He just growls and locks the cage. All I have left is the knife I always have strapped to my thigh and some silver bullets for the gun left in the alley. My phone must've fell out of my pocket while he was chasing me. I've never seen a werewolf act so human while in the animal phase.

Through a small window I can see that the sky has finally gone dark. Hopefully this mutt will stop pacing around in circles and leave so I can make a break for it.

“Alright buddy, if you're going to kill me, might as well get it over with.”

He replies with a low growl.

“So what's the point of keeping me here, huh? You killed all your other victims on the spot, why the sudden change?”

He ignores me and continues pacing. Bitch. I sit on the cement floor and rest my back on the kennel wall. I get out my knife and twirl it around for fun. More hours pass.

“You know, my Grandpa made me get training in knife throwing, if these bars weren't between us, I could hit you right between the eyes,” I say out loud, knowing he either won't respond or do so with a growl.

Either I got used to his paws constantly touching the floor, or he left. Quietly I get up and look out. Hes gone, maybe he's turning back or getting food. I walk to the back of my kennel and kick the chained door as hard as i can. Nothing. I try again, but no luck. Next I try to pick the lock with my knife, which from the beginning was a stupid idea, but was worth a shot. I hear a distant noise and step back. The werewolf comes back, but looks more enraged than ever.

He runs at the bars and his claws scrape the metal on the door. What the hell was the point of trapping me just to have a harder time attacking me? I panic as he begins breaking through. I get an idea and begin climbing up two of the kennel walls, stretching one leg on each side. He breaks the lock and chains and barrels through. He jumps at me and I jump down, kicking him with both feet in the chest. It knocks the beast down and I run as fast as I can out of there.

I get out of the room and enter a long hallway. There are bigger windows and I can tell the sun is about to rise. When he changes I can kill him. I look back for a moment and he breaks through the door and his eyes lock on me. I push myself to run as fast as I can, but he easily catches up just like before. I go into a random room and slam the door. It's a heavy door, so it will take him longer to get through. It looks like an old office or something, because there is a desk and a bunch of random paperwork on the ground.

There's a big window behind the desk. The pounding and scratching on the door is constantly reminding me to hurry. I push the desk out of the way easily and pull the blinds all the way up. Its one of those protected windows that doesn't open, like ones that I see in schools sometimes. I pick up the desk and throw it the best I can manage at the window. The window shatters seconds before the door breaks down.

I jump out the window and bolt down the narrow alley. I get out to the empty street and look around as I turn the corner; I have no idea where I am. I look back for a mere moment and the wolf is nowhere in sight. I decide to go back and see if he changed.

I check the alleyway and the abandoned building, but there's no sight of him. He must've changed back. Now I have to figure out where the motel is and yell at Sam and Dean for not finding me, if they bothered to look. As I walk, the streets get busier and I get dirty looks from a lot of people. I walk past a large window of a building and see why; my clothes are ripped in places, I’m covered in dirt and a little blood, not to mention my hair looks like I brushed it with an eggbeater. I'll take a shower as soon as I get back.

Somehow I make it to the alley with the big fence and find my gun but no phone. I shove it in my jacket and walk back to the motel. I knock on the door of the room I’m sharing with the Winchester brothers and step back waiting for the door to open, arms crossed. Dean opens the door.

“Where have you been?!” he asks frantically.

“Thats a good question Dean,” I reply casually, pushing past him to walk into the room.

“What happened to you?” Sam asks looking at me up and down, seeing the mess that is me.

“I don't know, maybe last night when I was by myself I got attacked by the werewolf and he literally trapped me in a cage the whole night.”

“Why didn't you call us?!” Dean asks, as if I didn't think of that.

“Well, while I was running from him or when he tossed me over his shoulder I lost it, you must think i'm really stupid, why didn't you two try to find me?”

“We did, we found your gun and your hat-” Sam starts.

“We searched all night, we called a million times. At about 4 am we decided to come back here and look for anything that might have helped,” Dean finishes explaining.

“Did you find anything?” I ask.

“Well the first victim was the guy's girlfriend and she looked a little bit like you,” Sam states.

“Kelly…” I whisper to myself.

“Yeah, how'd you know?” Sam asks, confused.

I look up at Sam, Dean looking at me waiting for an answer. “Before he changed, he said I looked just like her but when I tried to walk away he changed and attacked me,” I explain.

“But you said he put you in a cage?” Dean asks.

“Yeah, he didn't hurt me, he just put me in the cage the whole time. He was pacing the room the whole time.” I respond.

“I think I know what's going on here,” Sam states, Dean and I look at him with curiosity.

“Well are you going to explain it to us?” Dean asks sarcastically.

“Amara looks like Kelly right? So when he saw her maybe the animal inside took control.”

“What?” I ask.

“When he saw you, it triggered something, he was supposed to kill you, but he didn't,” Sam finishes and Dean gets a look of realization, but I still don't get it.

“Looks like Wolfy has a crush on you, Sunshine,” Dean says and laughs.

“So he didn't kill me because…?”

“He was protecting you from himself is my guess,” Sam says and I just let out a long sigh.

“So I guess we know how to find him and end this,” I state, dreading what I know I have to do.

Later, I take Sam and Dean back to the kennel place the wolf--Hal is what Sam told me his name is-- took me to last night. We look through the building thoroughly and decided to wait for him to come, if he does come.

After about 2 hours of waiting we hear footsteps coming down the hall I escaped from this morning. The door opens and Hal sees me.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” He asks, panicked.

“I thought I’d pay you a visit.”

“You-you can't be here, you saw what happened, I-”

“Turned into a werewolf?”

“Yes...you need to leave, or it will come back, he's already trying to get out.”

I look at him with my eyes slightly squinted. “Why did you lock me up last night?”

“I was trying to stop it, I- he wants you, it's like he owns you, or at least that's what he thinks.”

“Stop calling it ‘him’, thats you.”

“No...no it's not, I try to keep it in but he just-he just takes control and-” And he starts breaking down in tears.

“Look, I need to end this before you kill more people, or take innocent girls in the middle of the night.”

“What do you mean?” he asks through his bawling.

I just pull my gun from my jacket and his whole mood changes.

“No-I won't let you-AGH- I WON'T LET YOU GET AWAY FROM ME AGAIN KELLY!” He shouts as he turns from human to wolf.

“GUYS!” I shout and the brothers come out from their hiding places and aim their guns at him as I do.

He charges towards me and the three of us shoot simultaneously. He dodges most of the bullets and once again grabs me as I shoot at him. I just can't get a break. Once again I'm thrown over his shoulder as he runs away. I look back at Sam and Dean running after the beast, they are not nearly as fast and I lose sight of them. I still have my gun and try shooting at the back of his feet, but it's hard because of all the movement. I don't want to waste the last bullets I have and decide to wait until the timing is better.

He ends up taking me to woods. All I see is trees in every direction. He sets me down and sniffs me. I seriously hate this. I get my gun out but he sees and scratches my hand and I scream in pain, he knocks the gun feet away and my right hand is covered in blood. The sound of a twig snapping makes him dart his head and he runs. I crawl to my gun, then get up. I take off in the opposite direction that he went and go as fast as I can, hoping that if I go straight I will eventually get out of the woods.

I hate werewolves so much now; maybe I hate them more than shapeshifters. Who am I kidding? Those things will be at the top of my list since what happened with Cameron.

I keep running and dodging trees but surprisingly I haven't found my way out. I stop to climb a tree and see if I can see city lights. I have a hard time- I'll admit I suck at climbing- but I manage to get pretty far up despite the clawed hand. I look and I've been running the wrong way this whole time, guess I have to take my chances with wolf buddy. I get down and go back the way I came. My right leg is starting to hurt from the healing stab wound. I slow down only a little bit and keep going.

I hear the shaking of leaves close by but keep going. Then I hear it; I hear the vicious growl of a werewolf. I turn my head and he pounces on me. My face hits the ground, snow getting in my mouth and eyes. He flips me over onto my back and pins my arms with his mutated paws. His saliva drips on me while I grit my teeth; once again this thing has me waiting for my demise. He barks-more like roars- in my face and I can feel my eyes watering and my chest becoming heavy. If I'm going to die I might as well admit to myself that I'm horrified. I rest my head back and try to look past the beast and at the stars.

Hot tears run down the sides of my cheeks and start to heave. I can feel it coming, a panic attack. The wolf doesn't do anything to me but keep me pinned so he can scare me. The tears start rolling out faster, breathing becomes harder and I start sweating profusely. I'm going to die and my last moments will be spent having a panic attack-great, exactly the way I don't want to go.

The werewolf starts growling and I can see what he's trying to do now, he's trying to bite me. I'd rather die than be a werewolf. I scream and cry as he licks his chops and puts his jaws closer to my skin.

“HEY FURBALL!” I hear someone shout, followed by a gunshot. It hits the thing, but not in a fatal spot. I hear him whimper and he gets off me fast enough that I don't hear another shot go off. Without his weight on me, I can feel my body moving much more from the panic. I stay on the ground, in the same position he had me pinned and keep crying, not able to move. I know I can't control it, so I don't try to. My vision is blurry and it's dark, but I can see someone standing above me, crouching down.

“Grayson, come on, he's gone,” I hear the person say, and realize its Dean. I try to respond but it comes out garbled and I can't even understand myself. Next thing I know he is putting his arms under my knee and arms, lifting me up.

“Put me down, I can walk myself,” I try to say but it sounds more like ‘Puh meown Ikin wall myself.’

“I can't understand you, just focus on calming down,” He replies and keeps walking.

He walks us out of the woods and I see his car, Sam standing there waiting. He looks at me like he's worried but I don't want him to see me like this and turn away, my face in Dean's jacket like a little kid.

He slides me in the back seat and drives. The panic attack is still strong; I can't help but think about how Grandpa would react to this. As he trained me this would happen a bit and he would make me finish the hunt on my own sometimes to try and teach me that staying calm is a big part of hunting, and the only way for me to learn was to make me do it alone so I would get over it. I was 10 when he started doing that.

The car stops and they get out, Dean comes to get me, but I push him away and get myself out. I can tell that I've sweat through my shirt and everytime I think about Grandpa it's like another wave hits me and the attack gets strong again right as I feel like it's going down.

The three of us walk into our shared motel room, Sam in front of me and Dean behind. I go to my bag to get clothes and walk to the bathroom without saying anything to them. I take a long shower and calm down to normal before the water gets cold. When I'm done getting dressed I brush my teeth and get the first aid kit out. My right hand has deep claw marks, but I don't need stitches.

I walk out Sam and Dean are watching tv on the couch. After hearing the door open, they both turn around to see me.

Dean turns off the tv, “We need a lot of sleep if we're going to catch this asshole soon.”

“Agreed,” I reply, “Where do you think they keep the extra blankets?”

“That closet maybe?” Sam suggests and points to the small closet by the entrance.

I go and there are in fact extra blankets and pillows. I grab them off the top shelf and start making my bed on the couch, since it doesn't look like a pull out.

“Hey, i’ll take the couch,” Sam volunteers.

“It's fine,” I say.

“Just take my bed.”

“Sam, I don't-” I start but he walks over and takes the blankets and pillow from me, “Fine. Thanks.”

He starts setting up the couch and I go get in the bed Dean isn't in. When done, Sam shuts off the lights and I try to sleep.

“GRAYSON RENEE REED! YOU ARE PATHETIC!” My grandfather shouts then slaps me, knocking me to the ground.

“I'm sorry!” I cry and rub my cheek. Then Mom and Dad walk in.

“I am disappointed to call you my daughter,” my mother states and kicks my lower stomach while I’m down.

“I never wanted you, I always knew there was something wrong with you,” my father adds.

My grandpa then pulls my hair to make me stand, “Even these two think you're horrible and they just met you.” Sam and Dean appear with disgusted looks on their faces.

“We just feel sorry for you. Why else would anyone ever voluntarily spend time with you?” Sam asks, his head turning to the side to put emphasis on confusion.

“You unstable bitch. You're lucky I don't kill you myself,” Dean states, aggression forming in his face.

“No- No I didn't, I can't control it, I-” I start but my grandfather slaps me to the ground again. Cameron appears and looks down at me.

“I can't believe you actually thought I loved you, are you really that pathetic?” Cameron asks.

“I'm happy we died, so we don't have to see you screw up!” My mom yells and then I start crying. I can't feel the tears but I know they're there.

“I HATE YOU!” My father yells, then everyone joins in and more people appear to take turns Even that bastard Gordon appears along with faces of familiar hunters.

“STOP!” I screech.

I wake up from my dream sweaty with moist cheeks, I push the covers off of myself and look at the clock. Its nearly 3am. I get up out of the bed and walk outside. The motel has two stories and were on the second level. I walk out in only my shorts and a t-shirt despite the cold. The brisk air immediately cools me down.

“A little cold to be dressed like that don't you think?” I turn and see Mindy walking towards me.

“What do you want?”

“Just checking up on my favorite hunter,” she smirks.

“Stop following me, if you're going to kill me, just go ahead and try.”

“No. Remember our talk last week? I like to play, and you are very feisty,” she taunts.

“I asked you why you're here, now talk.”

“I'm just keeping an eye on you, seeing if you make any progress.”

“Progress? What the hell are you talking about?” I'm seriously confused.

“You don't know. Ha, they never told you,” she laughs and I glare at her, eyes are daggers, “I suggest you look up your family history, you're related to some powerful people.”

“So what? You've been killing my family because they are strong?”

“Trust me, just look up your family tree. You will not be disappointed,” she says and walks off. I don't understand, if she wants to kill me why is she telling me this?

I watch her drive out of the motel parking lot. I take a deep breath and realize I'm freezing. I try to open the door as quietly as possible. I see Dean sitting up in his bed looking right at me.

“You okay?” He asked groggily.

“Yeah, just getting some fresh air, go back to sleep,” I tell him and he shrugs and makes himself comfortable in his bed.

“I just want to finish this hunt and go home,” I state, loading my gun with silver bullets.

“Well it might take longer since we have to stay together,” Sam reasons.

“Where to first?” Dean asks.

“Lets try his house,” Sam replies.

“Screw looking for him, let's lure him to us.”

I can tell Sam doesn't like the idea, “that didn't work the first time, we should try-”

“Please Sam, we can let him follow my scent and take him off guard.”

“That actually doesn't sound too bad,” Dean says, wow he actually agrees with me.

“Fine, but we shouldn't go after him until it's almost dawn so we don't have to fight him too long,” Sam says, so we wait all night until its 6am. The plan is for me to walk ‘alone’ down the streets but Sam and Dean will be close enough to come help if something happens.

I walk down the empty street, my hands in my jacket pockets with my gun on the right side. It's cold enough for me to see my breath. I take a turn down an alley and lean against a wall, waiting. After a few minutes I check the street again, but see nothing. I turn to look deeper into the dark alley and see glowing eyes. I grab my gun from inside my pocket and click the bullet into place. The eyes emerge out of the shadow and I recognize the werewolf.

He stalks towards me, growling. I don't want to move suddenly and cause him to attack me or worse, take me and trap me in a freaking cage again. He gets nearly 10 feet away and I pulled out my hands and aim my gun; he hesitates, but then continues towards me.

“Look, if you leave me alone, I won't shoot you,” I lie but it doesn't make him stop. He starts circling me. It's the perfect opportunity to shoot, but it seems too perfect. What is he doing?

I push the thought to the side and shoot. He lays dead on the cement, bleeding out of his chest. That was too easy. After all the fighting, he just let me shoot him. Did he hold back or something? Did he see Kelly and hold back? I guess I’ll never know the answers.

The brothers give me a ride back to my grandpas cabin and I can't help but think about what's happened in the past 2 weeks: Gordon kidnapping me, the more frequent panic attacks, Mindy telling me she killed my family and then hinting to look up my family tree.

“So..” I start, getting Sam and Deans attention, “Are you guys going to tell me about the whole Gordon thing yet or?”

“You want the truth so bad, fine, go ahead and tell her Sammy,” Dean says not so friendly.

“Well, I-uh- sort of have these premonitions and there are other people like me around the country...long story short, because I'm a psychic, Gordon thinks I'm a monster and wants to kill me,” Sam explains, that is not what I expected.

“So he kidnapped me to lure you, so that he could kill you?”

“Pretty much, yeah,” Sam answers.

“Well, why would he do that if I barely know you guys?”

“He probably thought he could easily take you off your guard,” Dean interrupts.

“And how would he know when to take me off my guard if I’ve never met him before then?” I ask teasingly, “were you guys talking about me?”

They exchange glances. I raise my eyebrows, waiting.

“We met him and we were talking about good hunters we know,” Dean says under his breath.

“I'm sorry what?”

“When we met him we got into a conversation about hunters, and you happened to pop up because you are a hunter,” Dean repeats, I couldve swore the first time he said ‘good hunters’.

“So you think I’m good enough to tell other hunters about?” Man, this keeps getting better and better.

“I'll admit that when you took out that nest when we first met was pretty kickass.” Man, I guess Dean does have a heart after all.

They drop me off at the cabin and I wave as they drive away. Now I can look into the family tree like Mindy suggested. But where to start?

So that’s the end of Chapter three. There are some things I would want to change, but I decided to just edit it for mistakes and post it how it is and focus on writing newer chapters. If you read it, THANK YOU!! Please if you have any suggestions or questions let me know! I will probably post chapter four soon.

#spn #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #spn imagines #spn imagine #supernatural imagine #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #werewolf #graysonpuzzle #chapter three

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mysplaced-pen · 7 years

Note

Ah, yay, I'm happy your requests are open! I love your writing so much, you're very talented! How would the RFA (+Saeran, if you don't mind, he's a cutie) react to MC being super into musical theater? Like, all of her music is Broadway and musical soundtracks, she sings show tunes all the time, follows theater groups and performers on social media, get super excited about news and merch, knows choreography of scenes by heart. Thank you! Hope you have a nice day!

wowie wow, thank you so much anon! /( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ I’m glad you like what I write❤ and I hope you like this, too!

especially because i lO VE MUSICALS HAHAH YE SSS

throwing v in too hehe. also im gonna focus on one musical for each of them, but mc is theater trash dw these are just the ones that popped in my head;;

zen [in the heights]

ok so remember that time when he asks if mc’s into musicals and you say yes and jaehee says she’s never seen you talk about them?

well zen found out just how much mc likes them when she comes over to visit

he’s cooking dinner in his cast and mc decides to put on some tunes

zen is honestly so curious about her taste in music so he asks to just put all her songs on shuffle

guess what comes first.

B L ACK OUT BLACK OUT

zen is so surprised and mc isn’t even phased she just breaks into character

he joins in while as Kevin and Benny and Vanessa while she’s doing Sonny’s part

both of them: “AND I CAN’T FIND USNAVI”

the kitchen turns into a stage and suddenly they’re moving everywhere

yes they do the Benny and Nina kiss at the end yes they do ‘Sunrise’ right after

but even more musicals pop up on mc’s shuffle and dinner turns into a production

zen is so happy mc is theater trash, and that she’s his fan too! a few of his soundtracks are there!!

they speak to each other in musical references, the rfa is sick of them

what a dork couple

yoosung [fun home]

it’s cleaning day! mc, put on some tunes!

‘welcome to our house on maple avenue’ starts

she starts there cause it’s a very in the mood cleaning song

and at first all yoosung could do was just watch her

like wowie wow his gf can sing!!!

totally gets interested in the story and such, especially when he hears the kids singing

so they stop cleaning and she tells him the story of the musical while they listen

he’s all ‘!!!’ and is so into it

when he looks through mc’s music, it’s literally all musicals and so is her lockscreen and such

now she got him into it

they like to sing ‘come to the fun home’ together the rfa is slightly concerned tbh

both of them cry over musicals too its a mess

you should’ve seen him on his first listen to ‘edges of the world’

and both of them cry at ‘days and days’ so do i

yoosung has a good voice too, it’s so cute

jaehee [rent]

yooooo jaehee is all about this

their music taste is literally identical

but mc has to introduce her to Rent

jaehee is so focused on the screen and the characters

she falls in love with it!!

imagine jaehee singing ‘over the moon’ god bless

they sing ‘tango: maureen’ together it’s amazing

zen is lowkey their biggest fan

when the three of them are together, it’s non-stop ;)))

there has to be a designated space in their apartment to dance

and there are numbers they always have to dance to no matter what

guess who shares merch?? they do

they get matching coffee mugs and shirts and even socks

sometimes they serenade each other too!!!

jumin [les mis]

mc drags him to the movie first

and at the end of it, he’s very interested

the asks driver kim to play the soundtrack in the car

literally swoons when mc sings ‘on my own’

he likes to sing ‘empty chairs at empty tables’

they’re both a mess when they watch it tbh

now mc can get him into even more musicals

and he’s into it!

also he buys her a ton of merch

anything she wants, he’ll get it

one more thing!

one day, a birthday probably, he surprises her with plane tickets

“where are we going, honey?” “america”

thEY’RE GOING TO BROADWAY FOLKS wow juju take me with you

mc is so happy, super duper happy, and so is jumin!

he’s almost as excited as she is tbh

707 / luciel / saeyoung [merrily we roll along]

it was her latest obsession and she wanted to show saeyoung

and he listened, because he likes musicals

but he really likes this one, wow

it goes backwards?!!? woaah

his favorite is ‘now you know’, ‘opening doors’ is a close second

they both of them cried at ‘not a day goes by(reprise)’ so did I

part of him identifies with Frank, to be honest

without, all the cheating and stuff

when ‘that frank’ comes on, the bunker turns into a stage

it’s amazing, really

let’s also get one thing straight here

saeyoung is the Bootleg King

he’s only partially ashamed of it

he and mc can watch broadway from the comfort of home, if they wanted

mc thinks its cheating

he thinks that they’re on korea and Not America, so it’s fair

v [phantom of the opera]

v loves this one

mc is so happy about that tbh

it takes a while for him to learn the routines, but they love dancing to it more than singing

he also loves all the emotion!

when he gives it a listen for the first time, he does little gasps every now and then, it’s adorable

but yes, they are more of a dancing couple

also, V is all about the aesthetic of this

takes pictures of mc and him sometimes in her favorite musicals’ styles

i know i said they don’t really sing it, but when they do

V has an amazing voice

mc could just listen to him tbh

he sings so good

she persuaded him to cover a few songs

everyone is amazed

mc is proud

they do duets too! those make v even happier

saeran [heathers]

ohohohoho listen

his favorite song here is actually ‘seventeen’

ya’ll thought it was ‘freeze your brain’ but listen

he loves ‘seventeen’

he imagines doing everything veronica says with mc

mc did persuade him to sing ‘freeze your brain’, though

and it was, amazing

‘damaged’ really hurt, they both cried there

criticizes it, though. “veronica should have known jd was trouble, come on. at least at ‘our love is god’’

mc made him and saeyoung sing ‘candy store’ with her

saeran only agreed if saeyoung was heather duke

he would be chandler

and mc was mcnamara

they got it on video

it was, amazing

one time he sang the line ‘i worship you, i’d trade my life for yours’ before they fell asleep

mc was so touched

#mystic messenger #mysme #mystic messenger hc #mysme headcanon #zen mysme #hyun ryu #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #jumin han #707 #saeyoung choi #v #jihyun kim #saeran choi #a request!#anon #long post #ams has rambled #thank you thank you!

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survivor-kuwait · 5 years

Text

ROP

In preparation for Final Tribal Council, the final 3 reflect on those who have fallen...

Matt:

I can’t say I know much about Brandon, but I can say it’s pretty fucked up that a Sagittarius was the first elimination in a Zodiac themed game

Madison:

We didn’t really play together, but you’re a sweetheart and I’m sure if I knew you I’d believe you were robbed too soon!

Maynor:

I’m not sure if I got a message from you or not. I wanted to get to know you but Warzone twist was very nerve wracking twist.

Matt:

Willow! My Solomon Islands friend/betrayer. I was very excited by the prospect of getting the chance to reconnect with Willow and I was so bummed we only spent one Oasis together. At first I was worried that maybe she would think I was out for revenge, but I have only good blood with Willow and I absolutely wish her so much luck in Montenegro.

Madison:

MY NORTH CAROLINA KWEEN! I was SO sad to see you voted out. You were so kind to me, and I really appreciate the time we did get to spend together!

Maynor:

You were very nice. And we worked together in warzone for a vote or two. I was hoping that we could have worked together in this game.

Matt:

This game definitely would have gone a lot differently if we didn’t get Nehe out when we did. I genuinely enjoyed getting to know Nehe even though I already had the preconceived notion that he would be a schemer. Also, by far the best Tik Tok that anyone made was Nehe’s solo piece. It was so *Chef’s Kiss*

Madison:

Oml Nehe! I’m so sorry we blindsided you so hard but it had to be done and I think you know that. But I love you you crackedt legend.

Maynor:

oh Nehe. You were a blast to talk to. Game wise I never really knew where your head was at. At our first tribal you lied to me and voted Renee. Would love to talk to you though and get to know you more.

Matt:

I’m sorry I never got the chance to meet Taylor, because I will always have a good impression of someone with Gillian as their avi.

Madison:

Didn’t really communicate with you too much, and I think this warzone I wasn’t present for, but I’m sure you’re lovely!

Maynor:

You were someone I could have see playing this game with. I still feel like maybe there was a way to save you but everyone seemed set on you.

Matt:

Jacob was a sweetheart, we share a lot of similar tastes in games and music and I definitely could have seen myself working more closely with Jacob if things didn’t go down the way they did. Nothing was more pure than trying and failing to explain moon phases with Kait to Jacob because I realized about halfway through I didn’t know nearly enough about them either.

Madison:

MY FELLOW CANCER CRUSTACEAN CWEEN. I love you..so much. You had to fall so I could sprint to where I am now I suppose, and I hope I represent our emotional mess of a sign well here at the end. I miss u.

Maynor:

I hope one time we are able to play a game and work together. I really want to get to know you more, we dont really talk a lot during these games. So lets talk hopefully you want to.

Matt:

Adrian my Aquarius pal, sorry I had sacrifice you to the Survivor Gods when I heard people were targeting sign partners. We absolutely slayed the sign partner stage of the game, not going to any Warzones and it certainly was in no small part thanks to Adrian.

Madison:

I was truly really sad to see you go. you always brought such a good energy to every conversation we had, and I love that so much. BUT OUR SEASON IS GONNA BE SO GOOD EVERYONE APPLY TO OUR SEASON!

Maynor:

ugh. You were gone too soon. We worked together with Nehe vote and then taken out couple rounds later. I wished we could have worked together more. You were awesome and really nice.

Matt:

Stevie and I chatted a whole bunch when we got the chance and I can’t think of a bad thing to say about him, although I can apologize that I never answered the message he sent me after he got eliminated saying “How’s it going?”. It was going good but I didn’t wanna cheat. I’ll answer it soon I promise.

Madison:

YOU’RE SO SWEET OML. I just miss talking to you.

Maynor:

I didnt get to talk to you much in this game. We were kinda not in many warzones together. But your awesome.

Matt:

I think I inherited Chloe’s cockroach energy after she was eliminated. Truly everyone was constantly throwing Chloe’s name out there and I was NEVA happy about it, and I was even sadder about voting her out. Chloe and I had a very underrated and secret friendship and we voted together about every time until she was eliminated. I literally hope she’s finally feeling better because she was so sick and sleepy for the whole game and people didn’t get the chance to know her like I did.

Madison:

The odds were truly stacked against us women and I was NOT a feminist player bc I vote for you..several times. Also really sad that we bonded right before you left. but you have bomb taste in music and I’d truly love to talk to you after the season is over.

Maynor:

We never got to talk much. There were a few times we did but it was mostly just hi and then convo died. He seemed really nice.

Matt:

Although I only know Matt B as the reason I still have to use my last initial in my confessionals, I have heard from everyone else that Matt B is a great guy. I hope that if I do win, nobody is disappointed to find out that it was me and not you.

Madison:

we didn’t interact too much honestly! would love to chat after the season, but unfortunately I don’t have a ton to reference right now!

Maynor:

I was extremely sad when I found out you were voted off. You didnt deserve that. I think you were one of the few people from first impressions that I wanted to work with. I really wanted to play this game with you after you co-hosted me. It was nice getting to know you during the first warzone.

Matt:

Renee was the vote that started it all for me. My very first Warzone that really taught me how much of a fucking warzone it actually was. I felt bad about betraying Renee, but it absolutely kick started the relationship I had with Maynor and Madison because we bonded over missing her and were really pulling for her to come back from Lagoon.

Madison:

my actual fucking queen oh my GOD. your vote was the ONLY one I didn’t know what was happening. I had no idea you were leaving and it honestly broke my heart.

Maynor:

My heart. RENEE playing with you in the beginning of this game was so awesome. Talking and us planning on making it to the end. I would have gone to the end with you. I was rooting for you to come back. But I was happy to meet you and I hope we can continue to talk after. ❤️

Matt:

Stephen was a super nice guy, and I always appreciate the Aussies who are playing on an entirely different sleep schedule than the rest of us.

Madison:

I feel..SO BAD FHJSJDJS. I’ve robbed you from so many games and I SWEAR IT’S NOT PERSONAL! I truly love you as a person! we just ALWAYS end up on opposite sides. you also terrify me though bc you’re SUCH a good player. I always have to have an open eye on you, and I really respect that. you’re a gem, never change.

Maynor:

ooo Stephen this vote was sad but it was everyone saying your name. In this game we talked but it was as good communication like our other game. You know you mean a lot to me because we been through a game n you hosting me.

Matt:

Trace and I played Maluku together like 100 years ago and when I look back at the games we played then and the games we played now I’m very proud of the growth. I had some very nice genuine conversations with Trace about relationships and life and Survivor and I never thought that back in Maluku when I was dumb and petty that I would end up saying I found a friend in Trace. I’m sorry our Queer Eye alliance fell apart almost immediately but I realized he was such a big threat.

Madison:

Trace omg. I loved playing with you and working together while we did! Our alliance was SO cute. I’m sorry if you hold me voting you against me, but you scared me so much, and I feel like our games would’ve inevitably ended before FTC if we’d both stayed in the game. But I have so much respect for you as a player and a person. queer eye til we die.

Maynor:

I was working with you in this game and I was glad to have met you. You were like a very scary player to me for some reason. Your vote off was the start of the game really starting to be more strategic.

Matt:

Corey was one of my favorite people to talk to in the game because I felt like we could literally gab about absolutely anything. We bonded almost immediately at the very first Oasis, and had emotional motion sickness ™ ever since then. It was a sad day when I had to do Corey in the revote after that nutty partner tribal and even sadder when I found out he wasn’t coming back. Genuinely to this day Madison and I talk about how Corey would have hands down won the game if it was judged on music taste alone.

Madison:

my FATHER/SON. voting you out made me legitimately cry! I LOVED working with you and you were truly my ride or die until there was nothing I could do. trying to save you that night is probably one of my worst moves this game but I don’t regret it for a second. I love you so much and I’m so glad we got to play together again and be the cutest alliance..ever. queer eye til we die.

Maynor:

Your vote off was one of the sad ones. You coming to me to try and save you was really heartbreaking. I wanted to save you but during that time there was an alliance and wanted to be in good terms with them until there was a time for a move. Also timmy and I were really nervous we were getting votes. Im sorry ❤️ stay in contact. I went to lush andnit was amazing.

Matt:

Thomas went out in a blaze of glory and it was a lot of fun to watch. Anyone that Kait vouches for so vehemently is good in my book. “Fuck you Timmy” is our “Fuck you Brad Culpepper”.

Madison:

THOMAS U SWEETIE! I feel like I’ve said this a lot but there are truly so many kind, genuine people in this cast and I’m so grateful to have been a part of this season with all of you. you made me mad nervous in this game because I never quite knew what you were doing, and we weren’t close, but I felt like we were pretty chill until your vote. you may disagree ofc, but that’s how I see it! I can’t wait to talk after this season omg.

Maynor:

i really liked talking to you and you were an awesome person. I want to get to know you more so lets talk after the game. That twist was kinda an oof one. Im sorry that was how you went. Hopefully we can play another game together.

Matt:

KAIT is honestly the LOML. I absolutely would have gone to the final 3 with Kait even though I probably would have lost. I’m just excited to finally be able to play Smash and Pokemon Sword and Shield with the Paradise Hotel alliance. Besides doing the Logic Puzzle with Kait and having the WRONG clues, having to let Kait go was the hardest thing I had to do in the game but at the same time it really catapulted me to play the rest of the season without the comfort of having someone I trusted so implicitly.

Madison:

love. of. my. fucking. life. there are 2 people I made a conscious choice to not vote for despite knowing I’d be in the minority, and you’re one of them. I knew you were going and that there was nothing I could do without risking my game, and you knew that too, but we had each other’s backs from day 1 and I’m so so so glad I got to play with you. you’re also just a fucking dope person. I just wanna be ur friend after this no matter what you’re so fun.

Maynor:

You were super nice. We mainly talked in our alliance chat. You were a threat in my eyes because you were really tight with Owen. I really want to talk more as well after the game.

Matt:

Owen was the other ⅓ of the Paradise Hotel alliance and my Chicago friend and I think was the only person besides Chips who everyone agreed would absolutely win in a Final 3. I should’ve been mad that Owen sunk ⅔ of the advantages that I had original hit, but I knew they were with someone I could trust.

Madison:

WE FINALLY GOT TO WORK TOGETHER! you’re the other person I consciously didn’t vote for despite knowing you were going. I knew you had to leave when you did for me to slip through the cracks to get to where I am now, and no one would’ve let you make it to the end, but I’m so grateful for our alliance and for you as a person and that emily wasn’t here to fuck us up!

Maynor:

ily. You were one of the people I talked to the most in this game. It was really hard to write down your name twice. I realized and so did everyone else that you were a huge threat in this game and if we didnt take the opportunity to take you out, you were would have been winning this game. Lets continue talking after this game because I really miss talking to you.

Matt:

Ian and I were both great pals and bitter rivals. There was a point after the double idol play at the partner tribal where the two of us really aired all of our differences and talked about how we could move forward in the game with a mutual respect for each other and a mutual love of writing graphic novels, and naturally it came down to another tiebreaker between us, and I enjoyed every moment of it.

Madison:

literally the happiest we got to play together again. we were never QUITE on the same page, but never QUITE on different ones either. you’re so intelligent and that..scares me!

Maynor:

I loved talking to you as well. Me you and corey talking about how we all loved each diff starter. It was very difficult to right down your name but you were also a big person that could have won this game if they reached the end. We also need to stay in contact after the season. ❤️

Matt:

Cullan is like 18 years old and I was absolutely terrified of him as a player. We got along fairly well in the beginning and it was a shame that we ended up at odds with one another in the game. I told Madison I chose to vote Cullan over Chips because I was afraid she was gonna self vote at Live Tribal, but truly I knew the only way for me to advance was to get rid of the guy I knew was a threat with advantages, challenges, AND jury votes.

Madison:

omg you’re so nice. I’m so glad we got to play together, and although it had to happen, I was sad to see you go. (Im running out of time typing my ROP’s but I hope you know I love you)

Maynor:

you were soo nice and very precious. We had a working relationship with each other but towards the end or some votes I couldnt let you in on which felt really bad. You are an awesome person and I hope we can talk more after the game.

Matt:

I started out very wary of Timmy during that isolation twist and after the Owen/Kait blindside, and especially when we had an actual polite disagreement about voting Owen out instead of Ian, but Timmy really came through for me in voting for Ian instead of me and I ended up actually really bummed that we cut him at final six. He was an undeniably good player.

Madison:

TIMMY. WE DID IT. sort of? we talked more than we have in any other game I think? and we actually worked together on some votes! also I’m gonna say that me flipping the vote onto you was claiming my IOU for not voting against you during the Corey round.

Maynor:

❤️❤️❤️❤️ i was sooooo sad when you went home. Like i didnt talk to anyone that night because i was so heartbroken. You were my longest ride or die in this game and im sad we didnt get to make it to the end together. You know i love you and your the best person and im glad i have had the honor to play 3 games now with you. We gotteb way closer since my first org were we first meet. And i hope our friendship growers more.

Matt:

Sweet sweet Chips. Thank you for sharing pictures and stories of your actually adorable baby Calvin, and even more so for saving me at the Ian vote. I like Chips and trusted him so much that I was willing to take the risk of bringing him to Final 4, and even Final 3, but eventually I had to take off the rose colored glasses and realize that everyone liked Chips way too much.

Madison:

that first boot to FTC character development could NOT happen and I know you know that, but I’m so impressed by the game you played and I hope you are too. you crushed it. I can’t wait for our best duo award.

Maynor:

i am happy that I got to meet you. I was sad when you left in the beginning. We also had a working relationship together but never a solid thing. Im was glad to talk with you about baking and I will let u know when i try to make the tie dye cookies. You are very nice and just plan great.

Matt:

Going against Devon in that tiebreaker was very poetic, because we truly made for a great pair of “frenemies”. I admire Devon’s resilience and the way he sticks to his own guns, and the fact that a man over 10 years older than me slayed me in a balance challenge was pretty hardcore.

Madison:

oh..my gosh. our alliance was a ROLLERCOASTER! like we were chill during the warzone phase, and then we weren’t, and then we really pulled it through at the end for BOTH OF US. you really turned the tables for your game after losing Ian, and I’m really impressed. I really hope we can talk after this season because I love you as a person.

Maynor:

i dont know where to begin. We gotten really close since the merge started. It was never easy writing your name down and I wish I could have taken you to the f3 but in my eyes you were a threat based on your relationships with the jury. It may be a mess because Matt might win but the fire was like the best chance to give it a fair shot between you two. I hope you understand the game move. But we need to stay in contact after the game.

#survivorstarzone #notice

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wordlesspoet · 7 years

Note

6, 11, 18, 24, 33, 37, 39, 46, 55, 56, 60, 65, 79, 85, 95, 96, and 104 pls and thank you! no rush take ur time ily

hey i love you too!! youre so wonderful fluffy

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? I think, at the time of the issue, yes. But now, looking back on it, I truly think that it’s better off this way. 11. What do you drink in the morning? Coffee. Sometimes I’ll have a bit of water if I wake up with a sticky throat, or if I’m sick I’ll make tea. I always make coffee and take it in my thermos to school. (I also take a water bottle with me but the last time I finished that thing at school was probably last year)18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? I’m wearing jeans right now, because I just got home from working. 24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yes. I want a galaxy under my right collarbone (yeah i know it’s gonna hurt like a bitch, I’ll live.) I also really want a sternum piece, a big one on both of my thighs, and raven wings on my back. I’ll also eventually get the moon phases on my ribcage somewhere. Eventually.33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Cold weather. It’s easier to sleep, nicer to cuddle, and I don’t work so much when it’s cold. I mean, you can put on as many layers as you please but when it gets too hot, what do you do? Peel your skin away??37. What song are you listening to? I’m not listening to any song, but I’ve had Today I Saw the Whole World by ptv stuck in my head all day. It reminds me of someone I love dearly. 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? Yeah. But she got tired of it, and I understand. I don’t really blame her. Besides, I know there’s someone I can trust much more. 46. Are you in a good mood right now? I’m not sure, my head hurts and I can’t really walk and I don’t want to work tomorrow but I just got told smth that made me really happy. Im just really loenly I guess, I feel like tonight’s going to be like every other night this week..55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Oh, I’ve had a passing crush, to be sure- I’ve wanted to get to know someone more closely than a compliment fitted on a breeze. But I don’t think I’ve every had a real crush on someone and haven’t told them. 56. Do you like to cuddle? Yes. Pure and simple, yes. I love hugs, I love to be held. The problem is I’m tall and aggressive and not many people wanna cuddle me,,60. What do you carry with you at all times? My phone. If I’m scared I roll it over in my hands and I like knowing I’m ony a few buttons away from talking to people that love me. 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? Oh man this bitch is just pissing me off,, she just keeps tryin tae start shit and it’s?? I’m done with it. If she steps to me I’ll flay her, and she knows it. That, and there was the guy that offered to buy me off my father at the hog barn. (not really, he just asked how much my father was payin me for and bet he could pay me more. didn’t realize i was his daughter)79. Did you ever have braces? No, but I kind of want them for purely cosmetic reasons but I don’t know if it’s worth all that money and time and effort. 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? Rogue One i think,,, i really don’t know. I just know my big sister and I wanted to see Krampus but the theater cancelled the showings they said they’d have of it so we had to see the movie my brother wanted to watch so..95. What were you doing last night at midnight? I was crying,, hah I cried for three hours last night I swear,,, pls love me,96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? Would’ve been the Illuminations show at Epcot in Disney World over spring break. And I cried, because I’m so lucky to have been able to go with the people I love and I’m so lucky to know the people that I do. And to have shared that experience with them? It was just overwhelming. And I cried for the people that weren’t there, but I was mostly happy. I was ready to go home, though. Slept most of the way home, too.104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? I think that I would,, but I don’t wear shorts enough to look cute with cowboy boots. but i think i’d look cute idk judge me how you want i live in ohio damn it i’d look cute w. that pinkish flannel i have and light colored shorts and dark cowboy boots…….. tell me i wouldnt……………… i dare u(actually no dont i feel rly gross abt myself rn)

#ask #the flurf #this iddn't take that long bc i rly wanna be distracted rn #ily!!

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blacknihilism-blog1 · 7 years

Text

1. have you ever been in love?

Yes. Twice.

2. what are your favourite colours and why?

Black/Red. I love Black because it can typically match with any other colors and usually makes for dope color schemes. I also like darker colors more for some reason. I love bright colors as well but I’ve found that I don’t like to wear them too much or get them on items that I use often

3. who was the last person you held hands with?

If I ever hold hands it’s platonic considering I havent been in a relationship in 10 months lol. So probably one of my friends.

4. what is your zodiac sign?

Taurus

5. how many times have you read your favourite book?

Honestly I dont know any books that were so good to me that I read it multiple times. I don’t read as often as I like.

6. what are your favourite films?

I don’t really have a lot of “favorites”. Any time I’m asked for a favorite *blank* my mind draws a blank lol.

7. what kind of weather do you like?

I love rainy weather. I love cold weather. But I don’t like cold rainy weather. At least not if i’m outside.

8. do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

I like sunsets. Although I love to see any transition of the sun whether it be rising or setting, since I love the night time I love to see it go from a beautiful range of colors to darkness rather than a beautiful range of colors into lots of sunshine.

9. what kind of weather represents who you are as a person?

Murky rain. But out in the corner of the sky u can see a huge ray of sunshine.

10. what’s your favourite animal?

I love dogs

11. what is your favourite song right now?

“Get You” by Daniel Caesar

12. what is your favourite song of all time?

Oof what did I say about favorites?

13. do you like sunny days or rainy days better?

I absolutely love rainy days unless I have to do a lot of driving.

14. have you ever been heartbroken?

Yes

15. what does the perfect kiss feel like?

I think the perfect kiss is less about the physical kiss and moreso with the perfect person at the perfect time. As in the kiss that signifies marriage or whatever. I think that’s what the perfect kiss feels like. The realization that with this kiss, you are promising to always love and care for whoever you’re kissing.

16. what is your favourite poem?

17. who are you most inspired by?

I don’t have much inspiration as of right now. In the past it was Childish Gambino but currently I’m just eh.

18. are you spiritual?

I have an appreciation for some spiritual studies and practices but personally I’m not too spiritual.

19. what is your favourite plant?

lmfao weed

20. what is your favourite feeling?

Being in love and content with life.

21. what is your favourite word?

Fuck

22. are you an artist?

I don’t really make any art. I’ve made a few songs and I wanna get into poetry and video making. But I don’t know if my current level of confidence allows me to call myself an artist.

23. what is your favourite flower?

Bud

24. are you happy?

Not genuinely but I have my moments.

25. what are you thinking about right now?

Honestly I’m thinking about someone. I wish I wasn’t just because I don’t like thinking about people who don’t want me in the same way that I want them. All that does is create pain and I rather avoid feeling that confusing feeling that is love. I mean if the love was returned then it’s great but who knows, Maybe it’s better if we aren’t together. We can only let time tell.

26. what emotion do you feel most often?

Confusion/Regret. In my head I’m always trying to avoid conflict/making someone feel any sort of negative emotion. And any time I make a mistake i regret everything. And I’m always feeling confusion because I never know how I can really improve who I am as a person.

27. what is your favourite season?

Winter. I love cold weather. TMI but honestly I sweat too much to be comfortable during any hot season. And I’m a very affectionate person so I cant hug people as much during the summer. During the winter I’m always loving on my friends lol. Plus if you’re in a relationship, those “cold-outside-but-cuddling-inside” days are lovely.

28. are you in a relationship?

No. Honestly outta nowhere like yesterday or two days ago I realized that I had some strong feelings for someone I’m close to and dated in the past. I started talking about if we were dating and I just moved way too fast. I regretted everything i said instantly and just played it off as whatever. In the moments following her telling me that I’m moving too fast I was just snapped back to reality and decided I needed to calm myself down. Looking back I did seem crazy. But it’s been so long since i had any feelings for anybody (to the point that I’d date them) and I just got excited if im going to be real. And I was also sick at the time so I’m just laying in bed picturing me with them and it seemed like we could work really well together. But it’s okay. I’m just gonna take my time. I don’t know whether I should move on or pursue her at a slower pace. So for now I’m just gonna be big chillin.

29. are you an introvert or extrovert?

Introvert. Unless it’s really some people I’m comfortable with I’m pretty timid. Even with out with some of my closest friends I’d rather just be home.

30. do you prefer the moon or the stars?

The stars. There’s this street not too far from my friends house and me and him have driven down it a few times now. When you’re on this street, if you turn off your headlights and look up the sky has very little light pollution and it’s beautiful. The moon is rarely close enough for me to enjoy.

31. what is your favourite scent?

I love the smell of a lot of different foods. But looking back, my favorite smell used to be the perfume that my girlfriend constantly used. I ran into one person who used the same one as her some time after we broke up and for lack of a better term, it triggered lots of memories of her. But I used to love it. Not because the scent was so good, but rather because I was in love with her and everything about her.

32. where do you feel most at home?

In my room. I used to have these black bags over my window which allowed very little light into my room and as I said earlier, I prefer darkness. But I took those down recently as a metaphorical enlightenment and symbol for how my life was headed in a brighter, more positive direction. It sort of works, but mainly I love my room because at night time I’m never bothered. And it seems like a safe space. At 2 a.m. in my room, I’m alone. My parents won’t call me for random tasks, teachers can’t pester me about random assignments, and I can just do whatever I want.

33. what scares you the most?

Honestly the last time i was seriously afraid of something, I was afraid that I had caused some major damage to someone I trust and love. So I’m terrified of hurting other people. I’ve seen so many people be hurt by so many things. I never want to see myself become the source of someone’s terror.

34. do you believe in soulmates?

God knows I do. But honestly something about soulmates that I always question is the setting of a pair of soulmate’s birth. For example, what if you weren’t born in the same location and/or time period as your soulmate. If it’s just the location, you can roam the Earth and possibly meet them if your lucky. But if you never leave your hometown, in my opinion your soulmate probably isn’t born in your hometown. I think you need to explore to find them. And I hate to be pessimistic, but i think that you aren’t guaranteed to meet your soulmate, if they do exist. So the vast majority of people don’t meet them. But I hate thinking like that. It puts me in a very nihilistic point of view.

35. what is your favourite thing about yourself?

I try hard to spread love and positivity. I have so much love in my heart.

36. what is the nicest compliment you’ve received?

Honestly i dont know.

37. who is your favourite music artist?

Childish Gambino. I had a huge Gambino phase during early high school. I connected to a lot of his music and his personality that was portrayed through different interviews. He was mysterious to me because he doesnt use social media and just keeps to himself a lot. But I like “Camp” because i felt like a lot of that music was relatable to a “White, Black Kid” which was something i struggled a lot with in middle school. I’m fully black but people called me “white” due to my behavior. Which was basically not enforcing black stereotypes. And due to peer pressure I took on the role of the “White, Black Kid” or the “Oreo” (Black on the outside and white on the inside).

38. what was your first kiss like?

It was for my 14th birthday. Looking back on it, it was a mess because I was hella insecure at the time. I was just nervous and asked like 3 times which ruined the mood. I was just surprised that someone wanted to kiss me period. But it was at an ice skating rink for my birthday. It was just me and a bunch of friends but I was “talking” to this girl at the time. Basically we went sit on the other side of the rink and was just talking. All my other friends were trying to look at us which also didnt help my insecurity/bad nerves. But I did it. And i was so happy for the following few days lol.

39. are you a sensitive person?

Tbh, probably. I’m very open to criticism but I also get hurt fairly easily.

40. when was the last time you cried?

A few days ago. Either out of pain from my tooth or heart ache whenever I was first told to slow it down with the girl i was into. Ik its silly to cry over something that small but idk. I’m just being honest and letting yall know the last time i cried.

41. do you believe that love can last forever?

Yeah. That’s the kind of love I want. I want to take some time and enjoy my teenage years but then fall in love with one person and i want to be with that one person forever. I just dont trust enough people to think that we’d last forever tho. That’s why I don’t get into relationships too often. I won’t get into a relationship if I don’t see me and that person lasting.

42. what do you think happens to us when we die?

I’m not too spiritual but I wouldn’t be surprised if Heaven and Hell existed. I’m way too simpleminded to try and comprehend what lies in the afterlife though.

43. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Sadly. I cried hard as hell myself afterwards tbh.

44. what do you think about when you can’t fall asleep at night?

I’m not sure if this question is asking what thoughts keep me up, or what thoughts put me to sleep. A lot of thoughts keep me up. But it’s not the thoughts themselves, but rather my inability to sleep. I don’t have insomnia but usually if i’m up, I’m up because i don’t want to go to sleep, or im in some sort of discomfort/pain thats keeping me up. And sometimes I don’t go to sleep because I’m texting someone and either im hoping we can have an “interesting” convo or i just wanna stay up and talk to em. And lately either being sick, or my unattended dental problems keep me up.

45. do you believe in aliens?

Okay, lets be honest. As big as space is, you expect me to believe that we’re the only living beings? Yeah okay. Sure. Lol

46. what is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

My friend brought me medicine at work and lord knows I was so grateful because I was seriously struggling. It’s not the nicest but goddamn did I appreciate it.

47. do you find it hard to trust?

I find it hard to trust somebody with my heart. As in I don’t trust many people enough to date them. I’m actually very open which can be a good or a bad thing depending on how you look at it. I see it as good because I feel that it makes me pretty approachable. But it’s bad because I leave myself susceptible to getting hurt by being open.

#questions #questionaire #q&a #answers #me

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