#im telling you guys i dont trust ANYONE anymore

[starwikia]

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i dont know how to articulate this correctly but... sometimes i think about how saiki is so mentally disconnected and isolated from other people, and his powers make it feel impossible to understand them, esp because he hasnt had any faith in humanity since he was a kid (hes also so autistic but shh he probably doesnt know yet)

and so he truly doesnt understand the nuances and complexity of love+friendship+relationships etc... so imagine how confused he could get during times where his relationships get deeper/more complicated

examples ?? (warning for very brief sa+abuse+suicidal thoughts mention in the second one) -

accidentally making one of his friends mad and hearing their thoughts, which are purely from frustration and anger in the moment, about hating and not wanting to be around him.. makes him think they genuinely dont want to be as friend at all anymore, so ONE argument makes him think hes ruined his friendship with them forever and he doesnt think to just apologize, immediately shutting down and just "going away" instead because he thinks thats actually what they want

not understanding why people feel sympathy for him when he talks about tragic things in/about his life, especially when he even dulls it down as to not reveal his powers, (ie: his brother literally trying to murder, humiliate, and borderline sa him OR having one or multiple bullying incidents in elementary school that caused him to lose all his friends and change schools OR saying that the only reason he decidedly hasnt offed himself yet is cuz itd make his mom sad) and mentioning those things a little too casually, then thinking people are trying to pity him and telling the people who are just trying to help to shut the fuck up ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

^a specific but not quite as angsty one, offhandedly mentioning once that he had a big crush on a guy from another class but he helped set them up with someone else even though it upset him, because he just wanted to see him happy and he never had a chance anyway (bro was def straight too) and his friends being like ...hey thats really sad im sorry you felt like that :(( and him being like ?? whats sad about that. hes happy, and its not like im completely devastated or anything. shut the fuck up.

teruhashi getting over her crush on him and no longer seeking him out as often, and he's immediately upset and confused because now he thinks that she ONLY cared about him when she thought she was going to get something more than friendship from it so he doesnt believe she ever saw him as a true friend..

(similar to the first one, slightly different situation) getting into an argument with one of the friends he sees every single day and still expecting them to at least BE there the next day, and when they arent because theyre avoiding him, his first thought isnt "i should seek them out and apologize" its "wow it was so easy for them to just let go of me, i clearly have formed a dependency and feel like i need them more than they need me. especially now that i know they dont feel the same, i should sever that attachment."

SO YEAH anyway, he genuinely does not believe that he has anyone he can trust enough to actually talk through this stuff with+doesn't even think its that bad so he just sits and tries to feel numb at the bottom of the ocean or on the moon haha what a guy...

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hm ok so for a while i was thinking that Wally, for the most part, only perceives reality as "Home", the neighborhood. that's his entire world, it's all he knows

but then i slapped myself and went wait. the Live Interview. Wally has been outside of Home, and has interacted with humans (presuming that the interview did actually happen, of course). and through Wally's interactions - or rather, attempt at interactions with Us, the QA, and the WHRP, it can be strongly assumed that he knows that there's an Elsewhere. there are places outside of Home. maybe he doesn't quite understand that there's another reality of sorts, but there's no way he's unaware that there's more than just the neighborhood out there

(and then of course there's the fact that Clown has said that humans are deeply involved (not a direct quote, im paraphrasing) in Welcome Home. maybe Wally interacted with them / regularly interacted with them. there could have been an adjustment period after he gained consciousness where humans helped him learn how to walk/talk/fine motor skills - this could be why he has such a seemingly inherent / desperate trust in Us & the WHRP & the QA... humans made him and cared for him. it's possible he could view them as a sort of higher power to trust & have faith in

& maybe he's been off-set or could go off-set. i mean, the houses' rooms were all different sets - the buildings themselves were empty husks, right? who's to say Wally wouldn't physically walk to the individual set pieces whenever he went over to someone's house (but then that leads me into speculation on how the puppets' consciousness works and how multiple copies of them could co-exist and wondering which is the - im getting off track. but there's all of that and then the two part "you're okay!" art pieces of Wally & Eddie, which are technically canon - dont quote me on that - and that's Another ramble/theory post i could go on about & have strong feelings on. Anyway!)

"but wait," i hear someone protest, "what about Barnaby? he was in the Live Interview too"

but was he? was he really? was that Barnaby, or was that a person in a suit playing the character Barnaby B. Beagle? i mean, if it was Barnaby, there had to be some memory fuckery going on that prevented him from either fully comprehending/realizing the situation, or just made him forget as soon as it was over.

and actually wait, Wally has to be aware of the reality discrepancy. because it was certainly him in the Interview as himself. He had to have understood on some level that either that wasn't really Barnaby, or that Barnaby wouldn't remember the interview.

(there's a connection in my head between all of this & how he would view an apple pie. "it isn't the same anymore. something's different". but i can't pin it down for the life of me.)

and with the Talking Telephone calls, Wally explicitly tells Us that he's not going to tell anyone who was behind the calls. i remember listening to the "original" prank call audio tests, which while were very similar to the canon in-website ones, have a few changes. one of which was Wally - in the tests - saying that the others weren't ready to meet Us yet. now in canon that tidbit has been swapped out for "You have to go too. You have work to do" but i think it's still implied through Wally's purposeful withholding-of-information that he doesn't think the others are ready to know. or he straight up doesn't want them to know

i mean, one little theory i previously had is that Wally wants them all to catch on to the nature of their reality and situation, but he doesn't want to - or Can't - tell them outright. they have to figure it out. and that can't was either something keeping him quiet, or because if they learned too soon / inorganically, their little puppet heads would pop into confetti like Red Guy's in dhmis 4

However my views have Changed and i'm pretty sure Wally is purposefully not telling anyone to maintain the illusion that everything is fine and can continue on as it always has. maybe it comes from a place of protectiveness, of love? whatever the motive i think he wants them all to keep being unaware and dare i say, Complacent while he "fixes" their situation.

which is delusional, but we all know Wally is digging his metaphorical claws into a desperate bid to keep everything the same / return it to its original state, leaving bloody scratches in something already rotted. or something like that!

all this to say i think it's interesting how it seems that he's the only one aware of humans / an outside/other world, yet he's so determined to stay in his lane. he wants connection & communication yet he doesn't want to leave or change. he wants help in keeping things the same (some could say in keeping Our reality & his separated) but in the process he's dooming everyone/everything and tearing down those walls himself

(Wally: i'm going to stay where i am, and you're gonna stay where you are, and we're gonna help each other keep me and my friends where we're meant to be. anyway i wonder what this sledgehammer does)

[aonungyoufuck]

Can you perhaps do a dark ao’nung who is obsessive and manipulative to an innocent reader who believes everything he says.

You can come up with the rest your writing is amazing 😆

My Unhealthy Obsession

GN! Metkayina Reader X Ao'nung

Warnings: Unhealthy obsession. Manipulation tho i kinda lowkey suck at it. Perhaps implications of murder. Innocent reader + plot twist.

uwu thank you anon for enjoying my writing.

You were all each other had. Realistically you had your families. Sure that was true and more than anything you loved them to death. You liked spending time with Tsireya and Ronal.

Being with Ao'nung was a different story however. Something about his words the way he spoke the way he would touch you left more to the mind to wonder.

Since children something about the way he would speak with you it made little tingles in your stomach. And it made you crave his attention much more.

And Ao'nung knew this. He took advantage of the way you seem to believe his every word. Innocent on the mind and soul. And he was cruel. But ever much more gentle at what ever you would tell him.

Making you believe hi obvious lies. "Oh no Tsireya is out with mother she cant hang" "Tao'lu? oh no he asked you on a bet. his friends made" "Oh wouldn't you like to hang with me instead?"

And you believed every one of his words. Realistically he still had all his friends to hang with. And you were alone. But what good was it hanging out with his friends if he could have you all to himself?

"Ao'nung you really should head on With your father. What good is any training if your wasting it with me?" You spoke in alluring voice. You were always so kind to him.

"Naw i think it will be okay to spend time with you"

"by the way of your attitude im sure they wouldn't think its okay"

You sighed. Your mind again pondering to a distant past. Where you had both guys and girls alike asking you if they could stake claim. But...things had changed. People didnt like looking at you in the eye.

"Ao'nung..Do you know why. Tao'lu or Irir stopped pursuing me? Or why all my friends stopped talking with me?"

"no?" he spoke

"It seems no one speaks to me anymore and it frightens me a little. Have i done wrong? am i undesirable?"

"what nonsense dear. Clear your head of those thoughts"

You were about to speak. Tell him something else before hearing loud commotion outside. and unbeknownst to you two. Things in this dynamic were about to change drastically.

----------------------------------------------------

The arrival of the Sully's was not something Ao'nung could have foreseen. He had manage to scare anyone away from ever really speaking to you.

But you had been dragged into teaching along side him. And he couldn't threaten the sully's as he had everyone.

He did trust his sister and Rotxo. But even then he would rarely allow you three to have alone time. More so on the knowledge that Tsireya knew what he had done.

But he needed to promise you to himself.

And it was hard when Neteyam would throw you knowing looks. And you could only return it in kind. He couldn't really threaten them. But he could you.

And it wasn't long before he did. Finding you alone in your pod. Lucky for him he knew your family wouldn't be around just yet.

"I dont want you around those Sully guy's"

"it will be hard given i was told to help them too"

"I mean it Y/n"

you turned to look at him. His expression cold, dark and ever more so handsome in your eyes. "Why?"

"Especially Neteyam"

"Ao'nung. Can you at least explain why"

"I dont like the way he looks at you"

You thought. Sure he was friendly but he knew you two were strangers. Only ever talking as acquaintances.

"Like he has you. Like he wants you. To be your Mate or more it makes me sick."

"But Ao'nung what difference does that make. You haven't staked claim of me and i you"

He let out a hiss. Fangs bearing as he held your wrists together. "I haven't yet"

You let your heart sore. How long had you wanted that? was it sick? he was your only friend remaining so what other options did you have?.

"Keep away from him. You never know. He's also the outsider. His family have demon blood. What more does he need for you to understand"

you just stared at him in silence. Subconsciously you began to shake in his hold.

His eyes softened. Sighing as he gently kissed your knuckles.

"He's no good for you. Not like i can be. So please. Please promise to keep away from them"

You let out a small smile. before nodding. Letting him go.

And This promise didn't go unnoticed. You stopped showing up. You stopped interacting. You stopped ever seeing Neteyam or the rest of the siblings.

Tsireya of course had noticed it more. She had seen this happen countless of times. And for once she had enough. Had voiced her voice enough for it to fall on deaf ears.

She went to go see you. Had always found the best of times to see you and this time she had to speak to you.

"Y/n?"

You turned to look at her. Smiling bright. "oh Tsireya, A little early than before?"

"I have to speak to you"

You two sat. You handing her a bowl of fruit.

"Its about Ao'nung"

"Oh! I hope he told you the news"

"The news?"

You smiled brightly. A feeling boiling in your stomach as you spilled the news. But watched carefully as Tsireya's face dropped in horror.

"no, No Y/n That cannot happen!"

You frowned. "What? why?"

"Ao'nung. He's not right. Not right at all! He's he's pushed away every one of your friends. Suitors and any alike. I dont know what he says or what he does. But, But he threatens. He"

you only listened. perhaps that explained it.

"He's almost drowned some kids back when were were little. You dont understand. What ever it is. Who ever it is. And im frightened that your happiness is, Is for the wrong one"

You nodded. Watching her and nodded silently. " I thank you Tsireya. I really do. But i know how to handle this. Trust me with this. Please"

Tsireya could only frown. Watching as your sweet aura didn't falter. Didn't waver and all she could do is pray to Eywa. Pray that everything would work out. That nothing bad would happen.

unbeknownst to anyone but you. This was exactly what you had hoped for. You are Ao'nung's and now he is Yours.

-----------------------------

im sorry if this is bad in any way shape or form. But i really tried. I was gonna make it super dark but then thats borderline like yandere. And well. Lets save that for another day.

[stxrvel]

the voices in my head (7)

series summary: you woke up from a long coma with no memory of a part of your life only to be told by your teammates that you're married to the man you hated seven years ago. even though that seemed to be the only problem, as time goes on you're realizing there's a lot more history and mystery behind the accident that left you in medical care for months. blackouts, more memory loss, mistrust and a strange man who seems to be connected to everything. every day it gets harder to trust anyone around you, but you won't stop until you can finally uncover the truth behind the accident.

chapter summary: you try to get answers, but not everything is as it seems. you may actually be living a lie.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +5k

warnings: bad words and descriptions of blood. a lot of confusing answers too.

note: ok guys. heres the next part in this series and i dont even know what happened. im kind of a let it happen writer, so i just started writing this chapter with what i had in my drafts, and the suddenly everyting came to life and started to write itself. like i dont know whats happening anymore, 80% of this wasnt planned. BUT i dont dislike the way this one turned out. im actually happy because it filled a gap in the plot that i'd had for some time and didn't know how to handle. as you may have seen in my reblogs, i dont tend to plan things out, i just start writing and the characters will tell me their stories. so, i just hope you guys love and ejoy this chapter!! know feedback is alwas appreciated! and i hope you end up as confused as i am. love you all!

masterlist | next | series masterlist

Bucky was in a haze. His fingers were trembling and he felt his heart racing to get out of his chest. He didn't know what he was doing, but he let his body guide him because there had to be a reason for all that, for all that fuss, for all that suffering. His feet hurt, he didn't even know how long he had been running for, but not even the rest of the team following behind him had made him stop until now. (Maybe they didn't want to stop him either.)

Maybe he was already in the middle of that city. There were too many buildings, sounds of car horns, the hurried footsteps of people walking past him, tapping his shoulder, not even looking at him as if he didn't even deserve to be recognized by a stranger before staggering his whole world.

Bucky wasn't sure he deserved many things anymore. He used to think it was all a gift, he used to think that after so much pain he was finally collecting happiness and peace of mind. He thought he really deserved it. But maybe he didn't. If all that had happened behind his back, if he had allowed it, if he hadn't even suspected it? Did he even deserve a look?

No, maybe he deserved those rubs, the footsteps on his boots, the coffee on his jacket. Maybe he deserved to feel that pain, that burning. Maybe it was the least he could do, it was the only thing he could give back, because in his foggy mind he couldn't think of what else he could do. He deserved that pain and more because it surely didn't even compare to yours, nor did it come close on the heels of everything you had to do.

There was a moment when he thought that had he had the chance to handle that damned time gem hanging around Strange's neck he would have done it without hesitation, not for a single second, not like that damned Stephen had hesitated and in vain. Maybe things would have been different, maybe everyone would be different now? Maybe you would hate him now. Maybe now the pain would be bearable. Maybe he wouldn't walk the streets of that city that had taken everything from him thinking the world had just fallen on his shoulders.

“Bucky, you're not going to find him,” he heard Carol speak to his left side, but his mind erased the memory.

He was alone walking through the city. He couldn't even remember why his white shirt felt sticky against his skin.

Whatever had happened that morning seemed to have been momentarily erased.

Bucky stopped.

What was he doing there?

The sound of morning stress suddenly stunned him. He shifted on his feet to look around, to see how everyone was still moving, how the sun was still shining and the clouds were racing across the sky, seeing how everything was still the same while for him everything had stopped.

“Where is she?” Bucky thought he was asking a voice in his head, a figment of his imagination, but the hand on his shoulder had to be real. It felt real.

-

Bucky didn't say much for much of the morning. You watched him, stoic and lost in thought from time to time, barely shaking his head in acknowledgement when you told him something. He had given no answer to your questions and as much as you wanted to keep asking, as much as you wanted to insist, something in his eyes prevented you from doing so.

So you spent a good part of the day like that, with Bucky at your side, reluctant to let go of your arm, not encouraging you to do anything else. Everything that had happened that day, all your crazy conjectures and theories slowly faded from your head as you relaxed by his side, letting go of the accumulated tiredness you'd felt since the day everything started to change.

And you had several strange dreams, surrounded by destruction, blows that felt strangely real, full of tears and full of suffering.

But one of them stood out from the others.

You were somewhat confused to see Bucky that morning. His mission was supposed to take at least a few more days and you had already made up your mind that you wouldn't see him for a while. Getting used to it was easy though, but you preferred to ignore that reality.

He passed right in front of you, walking as if it was nothing, ignoring your presence completely. Not that you were expecting anything different either. No, of course you weren't. After the way things left off when he left, you didn't expect him to forgive you so soon.

You could barely let out the air you were holding when he disappeared down the hall.

“What's wrong?” you heard Natasha's voice.

You turned around startled. She had planted herself next to you, her uniform dirty and heavily bloodstained.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it's not mine.” Natasha waved her hand in a nonchalant gesture.

“Why did you guys come back so soon?”

“The track was a dead end. There was nothing there.”

“It was a trap.”

“Yeah,” Natasha sighed, turning her head to see Steve getting off the Quinjet. “She knew we were going. She couldn't wait to see our stupid faces.”

You clicked your tongue. “How come she's always three steps ahead of us?”

“We've been wondering the same thing.”

Natasha had started walking toward the end of the hallway and you were about to follow her until you ran into a familiar face on one side of Steve.

“What's he doing here?”

Natasha didn't answer you, and when you turned to see her she had a tired expression on her face.

“Well since we've been going on so many missions without a good result, the UN panel that controls us is going to start limiting our outings.”

“What? But she's completely unpredictable!”

“I know, believe me we tried to talk to him. They contacted us since we were coming back. They're very adamant, and it's not like we can do much about it.”

Natasha giving up just like that didn't give you much hope. You watched Steve listen to Secretary Ross with his hands on his hips and a droopy expression. He didn't seem to agree much, but he couldn't say no either. Surely more than anyone else he was the one who was having the hardest time with the whole Accords thing.

You wanted to think for a moment that that was the real reason Bucky had ignored you when he arrived and not because of the discussion you two had that was overheard by half the building about three days before. The subject of the Accords was also a hard subject for him, but more than anything else because of the bombing, because of everything that had happened after that. The fight he blamed himself for every chance he got and the concede. They had been able to go far but not far enough. You knew Bucky spent many days thinking about all that.

But hey, besides that news he must still be pretty mad at you. At least that was something you could fix.

“So we're back to waiting,” you finally spoke up turning to look at Natasha. The woman barely twisted her lips in response.

“If they don't think this is a global threat, I don't know what one thing has to happen for them to let us do our job right,” Natasha walked down the hall with you trailing at her heels, a grimace on her face and a frown on her face. “Will it have to cost someone's life for them to notice?”

“Nat,” you furrowed your brow at her words. “We should think this is enough. Something worse could have happened. If Steve hadn't given up after the fight at the airport, where do you think they'd be now? And you? The group would have disbanded. We could have been pushed even harder, but the government and the countries were more condescending.”

“I wish it was enough for me. Thinking like that must bring you peace.”

You ran your tongue in front of your teeth with a disguised grimace. Natasha didn't notice as you watched her red hair and black suit as yoou approached the main hall of the Complex.

“I'm just thinking this way to ease the violent thoughts of you all. You know I didn't want to sign either.”

“But you did,” Natasha paused at the foot of the stairs. You could tell from there that Bucky was talking to Sam and Tony was meeting with Clint.

“It was all going to end very badly if I didn't. You know what they think of me. If I had gone with you and Steve they would have not only wanted to contain me but neutralize me. And you know they would've done it any way they could.”

Natasha's eyes flashed in recognition. You knew what was going through her head because you had been through it once before and it had been a horrible experience that had been burned into the minds of every one of your teammates. Especially Bucky's and yours.

“I wouldn't have let them near you,” she spoke, her voice soft and full of feeling.

“And I wouldn't have let you carry that for me.”

Natasha sketched a half-smile, shaking her head.

“I guess we'd both die trying to keep the other from dying.”

The conversation ended there and soon you were both in the living room near Clint and Tony. You watched them chat about the mission. You noticed the somber expression on Stark's face when Natasha told him that Secretary Ross was talking to Steve. You caught the moment when Clint sighed heavily and moved his hand to turn down the volume on the device in his ear, he did that every time someone mentioned something about the Accords or the Secretary. Sometimes even when someone talked about Germany. Clint was the most evasive of all on that subject.

Sam and Bucky were too far away for you to tell if they were listening the conversation, although considering that the latter had a super serum running through his veins, he probably had super hearing that allowed him to, even if it was against his will.

But despite the distance you could tell that his eyes were on yours. He was resting his elbows on his knees, leaning forward. His expression matched Tony's and you wondered how much it would cost you to get the two of them to sit down and talk about the things that had happened. Within that civil war, they were probably the ones who had had it the worst. But that was almost impossible, they both hated each other almost to death.

You were attracted by his gaze and started walking before you knew it. Sam stood up and gave you a nod of greeting as he passed you. Surely they had already spoken.

Bucky didn't stop looking at you until you took the spot where his friend had been.

“Are you okay?” you asked him, bringing your hand up to his right shoulder. He was too tense.

“Ross doesn't understand anything,” was what he replied, his voice laced with a hateful venom that sent a shiver down your spine.

“I know.”

“He's gonna get us killed. Him and that damn panel.”

“Bucky-”

“Nothing's going to make them understand until a massacre happens and that blood is on their hands.”

“Honey,” you stepped closer to your boyfriend, his body tensing even more, but moving closer to yours as if it were his nature. He straightened up and allowed you to fully embrace his right arm. “I think you can rest easy because you're doing your job and you're doing it well. I know you feel the helplessness, we all go through that. And I would love to tell you that we can change it and do something about it, but I can't. I can only remind you that you've been doing it right and you've been doing everything in your power to make it so. Ross and the panel are going to come to their senses at some point. They're going to understand what we're doing at some point and then we won't have to fight anymore.”

“I think you're the only one on the team who believes that,” Bucky tried to sketch a smile turning his face to look at you.

“Someone has to do it or you're always going to be like cats and dogs.”

“Yeah, you're the one who brings balance to this place,” his beady eyes didn't leave yours. “To me, too.”

You felt a sting behind your eyes and your chest compressed.

“Bucky, I'm sorry-”

“No, leave it.”

“No! It was my fault and I spoke to you too ugly-”

“I already forgave you, Y/N. Don't keep talking.”

“Don't do that. Let me tell you-”

Bucky reached up to plant a kiss on your lips. You reached up to move back a little, but his hand went around your waist and he pulled you tighter against him. He moved his lips over yours as if it had been months since the last time he did it, gentle, taking his time, savoring every second he could. Your hands cradled the sides of his face, kissing him back with the same intensity he gave you.

When he pulled away, you were breathing heavily.

“I said leave it.”

“You're mean.”

He moved closer and gave you another quick peck before settling back in. His eyes didn't leave yours even though your body was beginning to lose the warmth he'd given you. At that moment you thought you could spend your whole life like this and you would be entirely happy.

Apparently Bucky thought the same thing.

“Marry me.”

“What?” you exclaimed, an expression of surprise making its way across your features.

Bucky smiled at your half-open mouth.

“Marry me, Y/N.”

“Bucky…”

“I never wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone as much as I do with you. I can't even remember what it was like to live before you anymore. So, yeah, that's it, marry me.”

It had been at least about two hours and you couldn't stop thinking about it. It felt too real to have been just a dream.

You had woken up in a room all alone. There wasn't a single trace that Bucky had been there with you at any time. For a moment you thought maybe you'd dreamed all that day, but you could still feel the strength of Bucky's arms around your figure. You could still feel his breath in your ear every time he mumbled an apology from the bottom of his heart, not really knowing what he was apologizing to you for.

You felt it as real as that kiss. Like that emotion when in your dream he proposed to you. Maybe it wasn't a dream, you'd been married after all. But how could you remember that now? What had changed?

And that conversation with Natasha…

You heard the bedroom door open and a few seconds later Bucky appeared in front of you. You felt your stomach churn.

“You're awake,” he commented as he approached the bed. He set down a mug of hot liquid on the nightstand before sitting down across from you, and you stood a little while longer watching the smoke billow out. “You must have a lot of questions.”

You turned to look at him. He looked better than the last time you had seen him. Calmer and more serene.

“Go ahead. Ask.”

Even though yes, you did indeed have too many questions, at that moment you went blank. You felt like your heart was going to pound out of your chest with how fast it was beating, so hard it was thundering against your bones. With sweaty hands you tried to arrange your hair in a carefree gesture, but you were sure you had a desperate grimace on your face.

So much had happened in the last few days, and there was even something you still hadn't told Bucky…

Sighing, you decided to let out the first thing that came to mind.

“What are the Accords?”

You noticed Bucky's face process your question, his face contorting in confusion. “The Accords?”

For a moment you thought it wasn't true, and you were giving yourself the nod thinking you'd just had a meaningless dream, until Bucky spoke again.

“Where did you hear about that?”

You frowned. “Is it real?”

“Yes,” Bucky nodded quickly. “The Sokovia Accords. It's a document signed by a large number of countries that allows a United Nations panel to monitor the activities of the Avengers.”

That made sense according to what you remembered from that dream. So it could be true…

“How did you propose to me?”

Bucky frowned even more than the previous time, and you knew that maybe those weren't the questions he was expecting, but you needed to know.

“Uhm,” Bucky took a moment before answering. “I had just returned from a mission where we were ambushed. I was nearly killed. Maybe I had a moment of lucidity, I don't know, all I knew was that I'd never felt so scared about not being able to be with you. So I came in, we talked and I just did it.”

“Did anything happen while you were coming in from the mission, before you made the proposal?”

“Mmm, yeah, something did happen,” Bucky looked more than confused somewhat suspicious. “The Secretary of State is like the spokesman for the panel I mentioned to you. That day coming back from the mission he contacted us to tell us that we would have to start getting out less and plan better plans, long story short. I was very angry. Too angry. And you and I… Well, we had argued before I left so we didn't talk as soon as I got there. But yeah, that happened.”

So it was a memory.

“Y/N? Why are you asking me these things?”

“You told me to ask.”

“Yeah, well,” Bucky pursed his lips. “I didn't expect you to ask me those questions.”

“Why is there a dome around the Complex?”

“Well,” Bucky cleared his throat. “Generally speaking, in the beginning it was to keep the military from intervening in the Complex because… let's just say we did something against the rules of the Accords for a while. Then we decided to keep the dome to prevent him from finding us.”

“Him? Who is he?”

“They call him The…”

For a moment you stopped hearing Bucky, though you could see his mouth was still moving. A high-pitched whistling filled your hearing. It was loud and painful. You moved your hands to the sides of your head to try to isolate yourself from the sound, but you felt it coming from inside you.

“… are you okay? Y/N?”

You could hear him again. That was weird.

“What happened?”

“I don't know,” you moved your jaw to uncover your ears, but in a second it seemed like nothing had happened. “I felt a ringing in my ears, but too loud.”

Bucky arched an eyebrow, scanning your face. You could tell the concern on his face and it compressed your chest.

“I'm fine, what were you saying?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, go on.”

Bucky hesitated for a few seconds, his eyes still detailing your features as a precaution. Finally he sighed and shook his head in assent.

“Well, the man you most likely saw on television was…”

You lost your hearing again and a second after you saw Bucky's mouth move without a sound, the high-pitched beeping returned. That time it was so loud that you couldn't help but scream even though you couldn't hear anything. You felt Bucky's hands on your forearms as you covered your ears again, but it seemed to increase the beeping and along with it your vision tried to go white. You thought you saw a hand outstretched in front of you.

You were about to lose your mind until you finally found silence again.

You had leaned forward and Bucky had leaned over you.

“Bucky?”

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

You straightened up and he quickly did the same. His eyes desperately searched your face and body for something.

You felt dizzy all of a sudden, and when you reached up to massage your temples that's when you saw the blood.

So did Bucky.

You brought your hands to the sides of your face and it felt wet. For a moment you felt like you were going to throw up.

Bucky took your face in his hands and turned it sideways, looking at the blood that seemed to have come out of your ears. You couldn't look away from your blood-stained hands. For some reason, you felt a strange familiarity in your chest.

“Bucky…” you mumbled without looking up. “What happened? The day of the accident, what the fuck happened?”

“Y/N, are you-”

“Say it,” you raised your head. His frown made you uncomfortable.

“I don't think-”

“Tell me, Bucky.”

It looked like Bucky thought he knew what was going on and didn't want to subject you to it, but you'd seen something and you felt that's where the answer was.

“Say it and don't stop talking.”

Your features were hard, you didn't give a single space for doubt. And Bucky sighed when he realized he couldn't convince you.

“The accident was because of…”

There it was again. Louder and angrier than the previous two times. It seemed to want to berate you for some reason. So much anger was overwhelming. The sound was deafening. The pain was uncontainable. You couldn't help but shout as you felt like you were being ripped in two.

And then, you saw it. A hand stretched out in front of you.

Writhing in pain, you gripped it tightly.

And you opened your mouth to take a big breath of air.

Everything was white around you. To your left, right, above and below. There wasn't a single shadow or a sign that so much brightness was coming from somewhere. The white seemed to stretch on forever when you started walking, because there was no sign of even corners or stairs. It was a simple white plane.

You walked as if that was the solution. As if at some point you were going to come across something that would give you the answer, but there was simply nothing.

And when you finally stopped, you heard it. You recognized it instantly.

What are you doing?

You moved sideways, looking for the source of that voice, but there was no one even miles away. You couldn't see a single speck.

“Who are you?” you exclaimed angrily to no one in particular.

I'd already told you.

“No! Drop the fucking mystery, who the fuck are you?”

Silence followed your question.

“Didn't you want me to trust you? You told me they were the bad guys.”

They are, the voice replied.

“Then prove it. Tell me who you are. Let me trust you.”

There was silence for several seconds, and in between all the emptiness you swore you could go crazy. Fine, and you were already hallucinating things.

But then… footsteps.

You turned suddenly.

There was a man. Very short hair, with a big beard that hid his whole jaw. Dark clothes, a jacket and a baggy jean. He was leaning against something, with his hands inside his jean pockets, even though no matter how hard you looked you never found an object there. He must have been handling what was going on here. His face was barely minimally familiar to you, but not enough to make you suspect him.

“Who are you?”

“You can call me Nathaniel.”

Nathaniel? He didn't sound remotely familiar.

“You were the one who did that thing?”

“What thing, Y/N?”

“The beeping.”

“Ah. I couldn't risk getting your head filled with lies. I told you I'd take care of it.”

“And you had to hurt me in the process?”

“My apologies. It was the only way.”

“Are you seriou? Bringing me here was the only way too?”

You watched the man, Nathaniel, undo his serene expression for the first time to frown at you. He moved to approach you and you couldn't stop your body from shifting away from him.

“Don't you know you're the one doing this? You called me here. This is your invention.”

“What? No. That's impossible. I didn't… I'm not…”

You looked around. It couldn't be you. You didn't even know where you were while Nathaniel could sit comfortably waiting for you. It couldn't be your doing.

“This is your mind, Y/N. Don't you recognize it?”

Miles of emptiness greeted you as you turned to survey the place. That shit was impossible.

“Well, it's missing some memories, sure.”

You frowned and turned to look at him. He seemed to have his hands folded behind his back and he had that calm, almost expressionless face again. He looked like someone who inspired confidence, you didn't doubt that if people looked at him they would surely believe him because that was the aura he had around him. Still… the tightness in your chest wouldn't go away.

“But it's still yours.”

“You can… bring my memories back?” you weren't entirely sure why you asked, it just popped in your head, out of nowhere. It wasn't as crazy as it sounded taking in consideration that he was the beeping in your ears. He definitely could do something. Maybe it was your subconscious.

You noticed when his eyes twinkled as he shook his head. A small smile crept onto his face, as if he'd been waiting for that question.

“Well, I can definitely try.”

You felt a relief sweep through your entire body.

“You're on my side, right?” your cautious side came to the fore.

“Of course, Y/N. I've been trying to help you all this time. It's a little hard, but I've tried.”

“It's hard?”

“Yes, it's just that…” the man, Nathaniel, averted his gaze from yours as if he was thinking about whether or not to continue. When he looked back at you his expression was much softer, more real, “You're too far away. I can't do much like this.”

“And where are you?”

Nathaniel smiled, “Even if I told you, you couldn't look for me. You can't get through the dome.”

You clicked your tongue. You had the chance to finally remember everything in the palm of your hand and you wanted to take it with all your might. Because you had already realized that this man was very powerful and that, in his delusions of helpfulness, he wouldn't let anyone in the group tell you the truth. If he wouldn't even let Bucky do it, he wouldn't let anyone but him do it. And you had a bad feeling, but what else could you do?

“Then you'd have to come to where I am.”

Nathaniel nodded slightly. “Just tell me where you are and I'll come get you.”

“I'm at the Avengers Complex,” you spoke after a sigh. “In Washington.”

The man in front of you sketched a smile, but rather than reassuring you it was more nerve-wracking.

“Ah, you see. I told you you couldn't trust them.”

“What are you talking about?”

Nathaniel resumed walking, his steps getting closer and closer to you.

“You're not at the Complex or anywhere near Washington.”

“What? But…”

“They've got you trapped. They won't let you out. They won't even tell you where you really are.”

You shook your head in denial. What he was saying made no sense. You could literally see the city from the roof of the building. You had even gone out one of those days and toured the city, how was it possible that you weren't in Washington?

Although… You weren't even sure what Washington was really like. You had no memory of that city in your head. You had never seen the city anywhere else. You were just told you were there and assumed that what you saw was that city. But what if it wasn't?

“Find out where you are, Y/N,” Nathaniel spoke again while you were still lost in your head. Almost at the same time, the ground began to shake. “Figure it out and come back and tell me where I can find you and get you out of there.”

The ground shook vehemently, but the man in front of you didn't look as scared as you did. He still had that calm expression, his hands in his pockets and his head cocked to one side. He was looking at you as if he longed for something from you.

You no longer had the slightest idea what was going on.

And then you heard other footsteps approaching fast.

“Y/N!”

You recognized her instantly, but instead of being reassured, you were frightened.

You turned around to find Wanda Maximoff trying to get closer to where you were, running through the white debris falling from somewhere above.

“They're going to try to get you away from me,” Nathaniel spoke, and you moved to look back at him.

“Get away from him!” Wanda exclaimed.

“They don't want you to know the truth. Even if you think they're going to tell you the truth, they're not. It's a lie. It's always been a lie.”

“Y/N!”

“They didn't even tell you where you really are.”

“Shut the fuck up! Y/N, don't listen to him!”

“They've been keeping things from you for a year. They didn't even want to tell you that you have powers.”

“Don't listen to him!”

“If you hadn't brought it up to Bucky Barnes, he never would have told you.”

The way his name came out of his mouth was disgusting. You never wanted him to mention his name ever again.

“Think about that,” Nathaniel finished and watched beside you as the woman kept running trying to dodge the falling debris for some reason; mind you, it wasn't falling where you were, just where she was stepping. “Goodbye, Wanda, see you soon.”

When you turned around, the man was gone, and when you turned around again, Wanda crashed into you with a thud.

You opened your mouth to take a breath of air. You felt your body heavy. The first thing your eyes registered was color. You were no longer on that white plane, in your mind, you were back in the room.

But you were not alone.

Sound came slowly to your hearing, as you could barely differentiate between the faces that peered out to see you. You stopped when you found Wanda's reddish hair right in front of you. The hands at your temples must have been hers. It must have been the same as last time.

You sat up with a jolt and didn't disown, though you felt a whiplash of pain run from your back to your feet. You looked back at the woman who had gotten into your head sitting across from you. Your head had been in her lap. She looked as tired as you.

“Nothing he said is true,” was the first thing Wanda said, holding up her hands as if her sound of peace meant something to you.

“He?” you heard Bucky's voice, and that was the only thing that made you tear your gaze away from Wanda's clear eyes. “Who are you talking about?”

When you found Bucky, you clutched at his hands.

“Y/N,” Wanda spoke again. “What he said isn't true. He's a manipulator. He'll do anything to get you on his side, but you can't believe him.”

“So I'm supposed to believe you guys?” you almost spat the words out, an overwhelming fury roaring deep in your chest. You squeezed Bucky's hands as you turned to look at him. “Bucky, where are we?”

“Y/N, no,” Wanda interfered, but that only unleashed your fury.

“Shut up!” you raised your hand in her direction and the woman moved back a considerable distance on the ground, as if she had been pulled. You looked back at Bucky. “Tell me, where are we?”

Bucky was looking away, most likely to where Wanda was, but you didn't have time for that. You moved your hands to cradle Bucky's face and bring his eyes back to yours. That position brought back the memories of your dream and you felt a sharp pain in your head when that happened.

The moment Bucky turned to look at you, you felt as if a sword had cut you in two. An electrifying light and a bunch of scenarios where you had taken in Bucky's face in the same way.

“Y/N?”

You blinked rapidly, pushing those memories out of your mind. It seemed that every time an image of those appeared in your mind it was accompanied by excruciating pain.

“Answer me, please.”

“We're at the Complex, Y/N. In Washington,” Bucky replied and you felt his words were dirty.

“No,” you frowned and your hands over his face took on strength. “Where are we really?”

“Y/N,” Bucky looked confused, and for a moment you thought he had been lied too, until he moved his eyes to look behind you and without turning you knew who was there.

“Look at me,” you commanded between your teeth and his clear eyes focused solely on yours. “Tell me where we are.”

Bucky began to shake his head and reluctantly closed his eyes tightly. It seemed that simple question caused him physical pain.

“I-I can't. I can't tell you, Y/N.”

“Bucky, stop it. Don't talk.”

The order came from Carol Danvers, and you hated the way the man's face contracted as he heard it. You didn't want him to listen to her.

You wanted to turn to see her, you wanted to tell her that it wasn't her place to order him such things, that she was no one to talk to him like that. But Bucky's hands cupped your face before you could see her in your peripheral vision. His pleading eyes melted your heart and again you felt the pain shatter your head.

A hundred more scenarios where Bucky had looked at you that way.

“Y/N, relax, okay? We're going to talk, but I want you to calm down first, okay?”

You took a deep breath, trying to push through the pain, and nodded in his direction.

“Okay, all right, breathe with me.”

You noticed his chest inflate as he inhaled and mimicked his action. Also when he exhaled. And then again and again and again. Until you felt a little more serene and Bucky's eyes looked warmer.

Maybe it was what had happened with that man in your head, because of the stress you'd felt and the hopelessness when you woke up and felt for a moment that everyone was against you, but suddenly you felt so tired that you just laid your head on Bucky's shoulder and closed your eyes.

--

a/n: thank u so much for reading 💜

Taglist: @cjand10 @yallgotkik @ruffdog921 @coracal @its-just-kayy @pono-pura-vida @vampiresarezombies @kaz11283 @vicmc624 @calwitch

[left4deadstuck]

You bite your lower lip. You don't think being straight to the point with Karkat would be a good idea… Though you considered it heavily before ultimately choosing to go with an apology.

Okay… Here it comes.

Dave: hey. Dave: im… sorry Dave: im sorry man

Your voice is quiet. Maybe too quiet, making you think the other didn't hear you. So you look up to glance at the other.

Dave: genuinely i Dave: i didnt think wed see each other like

You don’t get the chance to finish before he raises his hand to cut you off.

Karkat: YOU KNOW IF I WANTED TO WATCH SOMEONE VOMIT THE FLIMSIEST APOLOGY KNOWN TO MAN, I'D GO OUTSIDE AND WATCH ONE OF THE INFECTED ASSHOLES OUT THERE THROW UP THEIR GUTS ONTO THE PAVEMENT. Karkat: AND IT WOULD STILL BE A BETTER "SORRY" THAN ANYTHING YOUR BATTER BRAINED SKULL COULD CONJURE UP RIGHT NOW. Karkat: SO SAVE US BOTH THE EMBARRASSMENT AND SHUT UP FOR GODSAKES

You scowl, back straightening. Goddamnit now you remember. Remember how much of a crabby jackass he is.

Dave: oh Dave: because sitting in the dark while silently death glaring at each other is productive Dave: cause we got all the time in the world to just kick back and do absolutely nothing but seethe at each other Dave: not like i was trying t

Karkat: TO DO WHAT EXACTLY? BE REMORSEFUL? BE ACTUALLY APOLOGETIC WITH NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE DESPITE KNOWING I CAN BE OF USE TO YOU? Karkat: DO YOU HONESTLY TAKE ME FOR SOME KIND OF FUCKING IDIOT?! Karkat: THAT I WOULD EVEN HUMOR THE IDEA THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY SORRY?!! Karkat: THAT I'LL JUST TOSS MY RESENTMENT AND FRUSTRATION OUT INTO THE ATMOSPHERE BECAUSE POOR OL' STRIDER IS JUST A PATHETIC LUMP OF BRUISES! Karkat: *FAT FUCKING CHANCE.* Karkat: YOU COULD BE FOLDED INTO THE MOST DISGUSTING AND AGONIZING EXAMPLE OF HUMAN ORIGAMI AND I'D STILL BE "SEETHING" Karkat: SO YEAH, *I’M SORRY* THAT I DECIDED NOT TO WASTE MY TIME AND ENERGY HEARING YOUR LOUSY ATTEMPT AT A HEART TO HEART

Dave: … Dave: sigh

Once upon a time Jade had asked you and your mutual group of friends to test out the latest version of her new project. A mental inventory system that had a very convoluted retrieval and sorting system. Luckily her team was quick to fix that after your group’s trials with it.

Jade never really told you exactly why, but you always speculated that some people on her team, or well, someone, didn’t really trust your legitimacy enough when signing your NDA. Maybe it shouldn’t have surprised you though, after all you have made a name for yourself with your bizarre level of spectacles you do for the sake of irony.

It did not thrill you to find out the next morning that you would now deal with the living embodiment of “stick up the ass” as your personal bodyguard for however long the trial had to last for. Despite your best efforts to get rid of the guy, you’ve quickly learned a few things about Mr. Vantas here. One of those things being that he is skeptical and stubborn to a fault.

Well, there it goes, your plans being haplessly thrown out the window! Poor sons of bitches didn’t even have a chance-

You hear a snap next to your ear

Karkat: JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU STOP MUMBLING TO YOURSELF FOR A SECOND AND PAY ATTENTION

Dave: what Dave: you have another drawn out monologue about how god awful i am? Dave: are you sure your throat can handle that shakespeare Dave: ya dont exactly have the voice for stage anymore with all that smoke Dave: but lets be real here Dave: its probably a good thing that you cant blow out anyone within a 10 ft radius of you eardrums anymore because you decided to make causal conversation

Karkat: YOU MOUTHY FUCKING PRICK- Karkat: CAN YOU DO THE WORLD Karkat: AND ME ESPECIALLY Karkat: A FUCKING FAVOR TO SHOVE WHATEVER BULLSHIT YOU HAVE IN YOUR WINDPIPE AND FUCKING LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I ACTUALLY WANT TO TELL YOU FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS

Dave: ok sir ill be on my best behavior for "five fucking seconds"

Karkat:THANK YOU, GODDAMN. Karkat: AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO JUST KICK YOUR USELESS ASSES OUT OF MY HOUSE, I DON’T THINK I’LL BE ABLE TO SURVIVE A FIGHT BETWEEN YOUR POTENTIALLY TRIGGER HAPPY HELLSPAWN. Karkat: AND ALTHOUGH I THINK IT’S WITHIN MY RIGHT TO FEEL THIS LEVEL OF BRIGHT HOT ANGER TOWARDS ALL OF YOU… Karkat: SIGHS … I

He looks up at the ceiling as if his next few words are the greatest offense that any higher power could have subjected him to utter.

Karkat: (GOD I MUST BE MORE SICK THAN I THOUGHT.) Karkat: I, FOR SOME REASON THAT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE SEEING AS I HAVE DEALT WITH ENOUGH OF YOUR TOTAL TRASH FIRE OF A PREDICAMENT, BUT HERE I AM EVER THE GLUTTON FOR MORE SELF-INFLICTED MISERY

Dave: yeah yeah i get it Dave: im a dick get to the point

Karkat: I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE, YOU COMPLETE JACKASS!

Karkat: AND I HATE THAT CAUSE THAT RISKS MY LIFE FOR SOMEONE I ABSOLUTELY DON'T OWE SHIT TO, BUT NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I TRY TO THINK OF A REASON TO JUSTIFY IT TO MYSELF I CAN’T. Karkat: I CAN'T LIVE EASY KNOWING THAT IF SOMEONE DIED, EVEN IF THAT SOMEONE IS FUCKING YOU...I Karkat: I DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN SURVIVORS GUILT YOU YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

Dave: oh Dave: uh Dave:th Karkat: NO SHUT THE FUCK UP Karkat: FUCKING Karkat: NO!

Karkat: HAVING A SENSE OF COMPASSION STILL DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT IT’S EITHER I HELP OR I DIE. Karkat: DON’T TAKE THE FACT THAT I SOMEHOW STILL HAVE MY MORALS INTACT AS FLATTERY. Karkat: INSTEAD BURY THAT IDEA SO FAR IN THE WORTHLESS SLUDGE YOU CALL A THOUGHT PROCESS UNTIL IT ATOMIZES INTO NONEXISTEN-!

He must've worked himself up. You watch him as he moves out of your space to turn and hack up a cloud of smoke. Well, if this isn’t just the perfect time to digest the clusterfuck he has given you. While it is great that he is going to help you out, he’s doing it out of fear and as fuck up as it is, it’s an advantage you have over him.

Though is it a good idea to go along with that? That could risk him fucking you all over and abandoning all of you last minute. You could gain his trust, maybe offer him something that he might want, but even then what would you give him, you have no clue if you have anything to offer him, not to mention that again, he could still just ditch the plan when the opportunity shows up.

What are you going to do?

===> AUDIENCE

[mar64ds]

I think what really gets me about Thomas (the toontown character we are talking about toontown) is that even if he has not been 'confirmed' to be aromantic the way they are written IS very clearly aromantic. Let me explain

A lot of my complains about implied aromantic characters or confirmed outside of story is that they barely show anything related to their aromanticism, if anything at all. It can be one comment, or it can be absolutely nothing but just trust me guys this character is absolutely aromantic. And that just... barely means anything to me

With Thomas, i haven't seen the team making a big deal about him, like 'look guys this is our aromantic character!!!!' Thomas is just quietly sitting in their office, and when you talk to them, they don't tell you 'by the way i'm aromantic'. They just tell you about their life, about their work, about their relationships and you realize oh... he is aromantic. Because aromanticism is a huge part of who they are, even when they are not directly talking about aromanticism itself. Being aromantic impacts the way he is, the way they think, the way they feel.

Thomas is someone that likes their alone time, he likes taking care of his plants, talking to them and keeping them company. He has a brother who is the most important person in his life and they would do anything for. Thomas talks multiple times about how he doesn't get romance, they are not interested in things like that, they have never dated anyone and have no intentions of changing that. He doesn't participate in the office gossip about coworkers having crushes on each other and he doesn't get why people do it, he doesn't judge based on who likes who. They don't understand the marriage the brother has with his wife, he believes she is not a really good person (and yeah he is right) and they don't understand why his brother stays with her. Thomas talks about how she doesn't bring positive qualities to the relationship, so why else would two people stay together? (very relatable aromantic situation). Thomas vents about how his brother used to always be by his side, but now he has a wife and he always talk to her and he barely talks to them anymore. Their brother was always the one person to talk to them, without him, he only has his plants. Thomas has started interacting with some of the new hires at least, but the way he words it was very satisfying for me. His lack of interest in romance doesn't mean he doesn't like interacting with other people. This could easily have been worded in a way that would be harmful to loveless aros like 'i dont feel romantic love but i still feel love so im not a bad person!'. Thomas worded it in a way that was mindful, intentionally or not, of loveless people, who are part of the aro community too

Everything that encapsulates this character has to do with aromanticism. He enjoys being on their own, but they also feel isolation. They care about others, like their brother, but his brother puts his priorities on his romantic relationship. They don't get situations that are related with romance and they state over and over that they are not into romance.

This is how you write a character that is implied to be aromantic. Intentionally or not. Although i would be shocked if it wasn't intentional considering this game has plenty of lgbtqia+ representation and you can even wear an aromantic flag lol Also the fact that it's so obvious what Thomas is trying to say

And i found it really fascinating because, a lot of times either a character is very openly aromantic or they are barely an aromantic character but the creators say they are. Thomas is a different case. He is a character that, to my knowledge, the creators have never openly stated in a tweet or on a stream that yeah he is aromantic, but the way this character is written is just... very clearly aromantic, without a doubt. Not vaguely implied, not one sentence, just everything that makes him himself

It made me think that we CAN have representation where the characters don't really need to say the word aromantic, but they can talk about aromantic experiences. I still want more characters and stories that state the word aromantic and that explore aromanticism further, but I would be happy seeing characters like Thomas too, especially since just like them, I have always been aromantic even before i knew the word

[louscartridge]

off limits?

tw- fem reader, angst, swearing, lowercase intended, me sucking at writing  

request-  hello! i heard you wanted requests for kevin from mental lords so how about kevin falling in love with hunters sister and him confessing and how hunter feels about it. you absolutely don’t have to write this. thank you!

also yes hunter says “heay” at the end

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“no no riiiight here” y/n said taking hold of the brown haired boy’s index finger to the second fret of the a string, walking him through playing the b major cord. you play guitar and kev wanted to give it a try. needless to say- hes confused.

“hey.. HEY! tooooo close guys way too close!” your brother hunter yells, stomping down the stairs to the basement and pushes the two of you apart.

“relax dude we weren’t doing anything”

hunter always had one rule for all of his friends. one and that was all; siblings are off limits. pretty reasonable right? considering hunter doesnt have many friends, it was never a problem - or so he thought. kevin had always had a liking for y/n but in the past few months that liking had progressed to loving.

“i play guitar too you know. just ask me”

-----------------

a like months time skip brought to you by my sisters mud potion

-----------------

“i mean seriously kevin what is your deal?” you whisper yell despite the basement you two are in being soundproof.

kevin had been avoiding you for the past couple of months out of nowhere, leaving you upset and confused.

“i mean seriously, every time you come here it’s to hang out with hunter and you don’t even bother to look at me!”

“nothing! nothing is wrong i’m fine.”

“that’s not what i asked kevin”

every time you guys speak you both get louder and louder

“so why the hell are you ignoring me?!”

“because you make me want things i can’t fucking have!” he said louder than anything either of you had said throughout the entire argument.

“seriously kevin?”

no answer.

“kevin.”

no answer.

“whatever”

-----------------

another time skip brought to you by me and hannah being on ft (i love hannah sosososooso much she’s the best so super sexy and cool)

-----------------

kevin nervously stands in front of the basment door of the sylvesters, the faint sound of hunter playing the guitar could be heard behind it.

“i can do it. i mean really it’s not that big of a deal.” kevin whispers to himself

once he forced himself into the basement he just stood there for a bit until hunter finished playing Aces High by Iron Maiden. kevin was hoping he would just move on to playing another song so that he could walk away.

“jesus christ kevin- do you plan on killing me?”

or not.

“uh- no actually. i wanna tell you something? or ask? i dont really know how to word it but i know you pro-”

“kevin shut up, slow down take a minute to think of how to word it. then tell me.”

after a few seconds of kevin thinking about it he desides to just go for it.

“ithinkiminlovewithy/n”

hunter drops his guitar out of his lap from the state of shock causing him to say nothing but a small

“shit”

a few minutes of the two musicians sitting in awkward silence and hunter still hasn’t said anything.

“soo uhhh-”

“y/n. as in my sister. y/n??”

“well yeah. why do you think i’m telling you this.”

“you know.”

those two words caused kevin to panic. ’is he gonna kick me out of the band?’ ‘is he gonna say we cant be friends anymore?’ the possibilities raced through his mind.

“anyone else i would’ve been really mad,” he paused for a moment “but- i trust you enough for you guys to be okay”

“really?” kevin hopefully questions

hunter sighs before answering “really.” he confirms “go”

“....where?”

“go go go” hunter hurriedly rushed his best friend up the stairs to the small hallway

“go make a move i suppose”

“ok ok okayyy im going!”

kevin knocks gently on the door of y/n’s room, soon being followed by her swiftly opening the door.

“oh my god. what do you want”

“to apologise to you”

“for real?”

“mhm”

you stand there for a second before roling your eyes and walking away to your bed leaving you door open, kevin taking this as him being allowed to follow you. closing the door behind him he sits next to you flattening the black blanket underneath him. neither of you say anyhing the only sound being the slipknot song you were previously playing on your guitar. you and hunter had always had different music tastes. sure, both in an alternative scene but yours being more nu metal and emo than his.

“i wanted- no” kevin sighs, now not knowing how to word it to you. so instead, he went back to not saying anything.

“ok?” you pick your guitar back up continuing to try and play Vermillion.

kevin looked around your room, inspecting your poster covered walls. there was barely any actual wall visible, all of the paint covered with the likes of deftones, pierce the veil, silverstain, icon for hire, lamb of god, volbeat, kittie and so many more, half of which he had never even heard of.

once he noticed he’s just been sitting next to you doing nothing, he turns faceing your side sitting cris-crossed, causing you to stop playing.

“you gonna apologise anytime soon?” you asked harshly

“oh- yeah sorry. i’m sorry..... you wanna know why i was ignoring you? i love you. there. i love you and i was scared that i was starting to like my bestfriend’s sister. was ignoring you the solution? no. was it stupid? yes.”

after you didn’t say anything he started to panic. again.

“sooo here i am. not ignoring you. are we switching the roles now?”

not knowing what to say you turn around faceing him now you too siting cris-crossed. taking a shaky breath out you grab his shoulders pulling him closer to you, and you lean into a kiss. he was taken aback at first, but once he realised what was happening he kissed you back, moving his hands to your cheeks.

“oh shit. no… no” you suddenly pull away, panicking

“what?”

“hunter? what about hunter? you’re his best friend! i shouldn’t be kissing you!”

“no no its ok i spoke to him before coming up here. actually he kinda pushed me up here- not that i didnt wanna tel-”

“ok i get it just stop talking and-”

before you can finish you sentence you’re interrupted by hunter swinging open your door.

“heay!! i may have told you it was ok, but don’t be moving so damn fast!”

[nightmyst14-blog]

(YES I KNOW DARK CHOCO'S NOT PART OF THE C.O.D ANYMORE (Im happy for him), BUT THIS WAS GOOD TO PASS UP. HAVE A SKIT.)

Context: *With the BAD4 backstage, HellHound invites a friend to audition to be a 'special guest"

Dark Choco: I dont know about this, Vel-

Hellhound: *covers his mouth* Dude! Again, its Hellhound for now. I cant let anyone know yet!. *removes hand* Secondly, I know its late, but TNT is out due to a sore throat. We need a vocalist that won't rat us out to fans...

Dark Choco: *sighs* Fine. But you owe me.

HellHound: Thanks! *grins.* The guys are over there.

*HellHound leads him over to where TNT, ZZ Skull, and Mushy P were. ZZ Skull and TNT were stunned at seeing Choco, with Mushy P running over and hugging the reowned prince.*

Mushy P: Chocoo...!! *They said happily.*

ZZ Skull: Ummm... What's HE doing here?? I thought you said we werent allowed to tell anyone about us!

HellHound: Calm down, Z. I made the big guy promise to not tell anyone.

TNT: *In a rapsy voice, coughs,* SO.. He can sing?

Mushy P: Sing sing!!

Dark Choco: A little. I used to sing a little war calls when I was younger.

TNT: Okay.. *coughs.* Lets see what you got.

ZZ Skull: *nervous.* Ummm... okay.... *gets a spare microphone, hands it to Dark Choco* Hope you're right about this, Hellhound.

Hellhound: *sets the soundboard up* Trust me, this guy will knock your socks off.

Dark Choco: *Takes off his cape, sets it aside.* Okay ready.

TNT: Go for it.

Dark Choco: *takes a deep breath, begins.*

(Bc Im lazy and dont feel like tying out lyrics. Here are the songs I imagine Dark Choco sings. I picked two. They are placed at the end with the tags. let me know what you think.)

*Timeskip*

After Dark Choco was finished singing, he looked over at the BAD4 members. They look stunned, eyes widen and mouth agape.

Dark Choco: Umm... Did I do good?

ZZ Skull: *in disbelief* SINCE WHEN CAN YOU SING LIKE THAT???

Dark Choco: Umm.. For a while..?

TNT: *smles, pats Choco on the shoulder.* Looks like Hellhound made a great choice! *coughs* Sorry... But yeah, You would do prefectly.

Mushy P: *clapping*

Dark Choco: Thanks..

ZZ Skull: Mushy P, go get Current Cream. We need to fit him into an outfit. *Watches Mushy P runs off.*

Dark Choco: You guys have a fashion designer?

HellHound: Yeah, we met her at the Hollyberry Kingdom. Remember when TNT wore a dress that one time?

Dark Choco: Oh yeah. Did Lic- ZZ Skull make it?

ZZ Skull: *grins.* I did!! She liked our works, and wanted to work with us!

*Mushy P comes back over with a Cookie in goth clothes. She grinned when she saw Dark Choco.*

Current Cream: Hi!! I'm Current Cream, you must be temporary vocalist?

Dark Choco: Yeah that's me.

Current Cream: Great! Follow me! *Grabs his hand, leading the way.* I already plenty of ideas for your outfit!!

Dark Choco: *looks at HellHound who was following the due to Current Cream's workshop.* Does your manager know about this?

HellHound: Trust me, it took a LOT of bribing.

Current Cream: *lets go of Dark Choco, smiles. Begins measuring Dark Choco's arms and legs. * Have you decided on a Stage Name?

HellHound:*hands her a paper.* Here's a few we settled on. Pick your favorite.

Current Cream: *grins, begins running around.*

*After a while. Current Cream walks over with a leather jacket. It read on the back: Crown Prinxe. The W in "Crown" was drawn like a royal crown. SHe holds it up to HellHound and Dark Choco*

Current Cream: What do you think?

Dark Choco: *shocked, holding up the jacket. He puts it on, it fitted well.* I like it.

Current Cream: And the name?

Dark Choco: I like it.

Current Cream: *smiles* Awesome!! I'll get to work then!!

(Here are the songs I imagine Dark Choco singing for his audition.)

This or

this.)

(Both are covers by Peyton Parrish. Excellent singer, highly recommend.)

[anti-endo-haven]

hi, first ask here but i just need to vent rq

we told one of our friends (who in all honesty i dont like very much in general) that we are a system and they basically haven’t texted first since then, and when we do text she always responds days later or just responds with a quick message. she did this before to some extent but never this much, and directly after we told her too. We told her over the phone and she straight up said that she doesn’t believe us because of “the amount of fakers” and like :/

dude, we trusted you enough to tell you something we literally haven’t confided in anyone else with and you say (without much knowledge of what did even is besides “funny people in your head”) that you dont think we are really a system. Like bro?? We spent like 5 minutes explaining the very very basics of what a system is and you immediately tell us we are faking??? we trusted you, she trusted you. Fuck her honesty, im so done pretending that she was a good friend, some people still like her, but talking to her does nothing but make us feel like shit. She also just belittles us all the time and is constantly complaining whenever we talk about something that she inst interested in, especially whatever our collective hyperfixation is at the time. Im pretty sure she’s only friends with us to complain about everyone else, now that im listing it all im realizing just how long she was like this.

theres also a lot of shit with not feeling like myself at all or that im still coming to terms with the fact that i was basically just created for a single traumatic event that is now over, and i know i still have a role, i still have a purpose, but thats not all i am. Im a person and im so tired of only fully fronting when i have something to do. i wanna listen to music, i wanna display our dolls, i wanna do the body’s makeup, i want to be a person. Im tired man, its even rougher bcuz how our system works i dont think i can access the innerworld, so im just stuck in the front all the time feeling like everyone but myself.

i feel so fake, i feel like im not a real person, just a fictive of some snotty guy (who i dont even look like or use the same pronouns as but i have the memories of for some reason???) who btw, our friend constantly sexualizes and literally said she wants to make out with??? She STILL fucking does this even though we said multiple times we dont like when she does that and it makes me rlly fucking uncomfortable.

also i got called emo in target today, honestly its rlly funny to me, the highlight of my day.

sorry if this is a lot, i just needed somewhere to write this all down

I want to let you know that I have read all of this and that friend doesn't sound like a friend at all. It really does sound like she only wants you there for her own gain. If she can't be nice and supportive, then do not call her a friend anymore.

Do what is best for you and your health.

I hope your days get better, though, Anon.

[leclercenjoyer]

uh

"pierre?" charles says, voice small, "are you still awake?" the arm she has around pierres middle tightens, pulling them closer together. shes warm against pierres back. 

"what is it, squid?" 

"how did you know you were into guys?" and the question is so unexpected it throws pierre for a loop. theres layers to that question, she knows, ones that her sleepy brain isnt equipped to process at the moment. 

"dunno," pierre answers honestly, "probably some actor I thought was hot. or, you remember that drummer from that band i was really into-" 

"yeah but i mean like. actual guys. guys in real life." and charles sounds a bit frustrated, like pierre isnt getting it. 

"darling, what is this about?" Pierre asks, and grabs charles hand, strokes her thumb across the back of charles' hand, aiming for soothing. 

"i dont know if i ever… got that. you know that 'oh shit, hes hot' moment. i always thought everyone was exaggerating, or playing it up because they were supposed to. i thought i was supposed to." 

pierre thinks of teen nights spent in charles' room, reading girly magazines, how charles had never seemed quite as enthused now that she's looking back with the clarity of hindsight. she squeezes charles' hand, urges her to continue. 

"but now, with you, its different," and pierres heart thumps in her chest, but charles continues, "like, i get it now." 

"get what, angel?" pierre prompts, and she has an inkling of what charles is getting at, but she wants her to say it, knows itll help to put it into words. 

"what its supposed to feel like."

pierres breath hitches, and she curbs the urge to roll over and kiss charles silly, knows its probably easier for charles to get it all out like this, with pierres back to her. 

"i thought it was normal, just. you know, regular best friend stuff. i used to… god, this is fucking stupid, but i used to compare them to you. like, how i felt around them, versus how i felt around you. and they never matched up, not even close." 

and thats not something charles has ever told her before. theres so much, just in that statement, so much charles is trusting her with. 

"but it all makes sense, now," charles continues, "because with them i used to feel. i dont know, awkward. in the way. like i was playing a part and i didnt know my lines."

pierre laces their fingers together. 

"but with you it feels. right. you make me feel wanted. sexy, even. i never got that. before."

and the way charles is saying all this, pierre can tell shes been thinking about this a lot, knows her well enough to know shes been putting the lines together in her head, scripting it out as a way to put her thoughts into order. she squeezes charles' hand again, pulls it up to her mouth to press a tiny kiss to her palm, to the delicate skin of her wrist. 

"basically what im trying to say is, ive never felt like this about anyone, before you. and its a little scary but also not. because its you." 

and pierre cant take it anymore, has to kiss her right now, because she can, so she lets go of charles' hand and turns around in her arms, feeling around with her hands in the dark until she finds charles' soft cheek, finds the corner of her mouth with her thumb and leans in to press a soft, lingering kiss to her lips. 

"ive never felt like this before, either," she says, voice earnest and choked, "like, ive been attracted to people. but ive never been in love before." 

and the words left unsaid in that statement ring loud in the silence, before, before. before now. charles freezes, and pierre freezes, heart in her throat, barely daring to breathe because shes laid it all out now, theres no going back, and she has a moment to worry shes fucked it all up, before charles pipes up:

"i think im a lesbian," she blurts out, and theres a beat of silence before she breaks into wheezing giggles, the sweetest sound pierre has ever heard, and fuck, but pierre loves her. 

"fuck, im sorry, im sorry, if i didnt say it now i was never gonna get it out," charles chokes out between wheezes, "hang on, hang on," and she takes a deep breath, trying to get herself under control, and pierre cant help her own little laugh. 

"easy, squid," she says, stroking her thumb across charles' cheekbone, waiting for her to calm down. it takes her a few moments, a few false starts where it seems shes gotten it under control before she breaks again, and pierre waits, because no. matter what, she will always, always wait for charles. 

"i love you," charles says finally, when she can catch her breath again, and its nothing they havent said to each other before, except, "im in love with you. youre it, for me." 

and pierres heart squeezes in her chest, lighter than its ever felt before, and she leans in to press another kiss to her lips. 

"youre it for me, too," and pierre is pretty sure its been coming for a while, but to have it laid out like this feels like. she doesnt have a point of comparison. theres nothing like this in the world, shes pretty sure, tripping headfirst into love with her favorite person in the world, and knowing she'll match her every step of the way.

"and congrats on the lesbianism," she adds, because she wants to hear charles' bright peal of laughter again, matches it with her own before she muffles them both with a kiss. 

[las-tortugas-ninja]

ok im gonna drop my character analysis on splinter/lou jitsu because im tired of people hating on him.

lets think about the circumstances he was in for moment. image you spent your life as a kickass action star only to get kidnapped by the person you loved and forced to fight in the battle nexus. you have to go through the grief of being betrayed by someone you shouldve been able to trust while now living in a chamber (which looks like it has just the poorest living conditions) and you have zero contact to the outside world, AND your ex who got you into this mess is using you for profit and throws you into fights you have no say in for peoples entertainment for who knows how long! i dont think its ever been stated how long he has been living like that!

now on top of all that imagine the moment you escape you get turned into a fucking rat. now i know its usually joked about but seriously being a rat does seem to really bother splinter and if you think about for like 5 seconds? yeah? why wouldnt it? he basically had his body changed in ways he did not consent to.

so yeah obviously after all that this guy is mentally ill as fuck and i bring all this up because of course it affects his parenting. imagine going through all that and now you have to be a dad to FOUR children (all of which are babies at this time) that you understand none of the biology of, and you have to raise them with ZERO outside support (seriously why doesnt anyone talk about that. what does he do if he needs someone to babysit them or one of them gets sick cause he aint a docter) all this combined makes me think yeah. ofc hes not gonna do a good fucking job.

and when the boys are teenagers and dont need the 24/7 supervision they did as babies. you see splinter spending a lot of his time watching tv melting into the recliner because * drum roll * he is depressed. i do not think he is lazy i think he is depressed and probably traumatized but he never had time to process that trauma because he had to be a dad.

because he spends so much time sulking in the living room his sons (specifically donnie) feel like he doesnt want to spend time with them and are reasonably upset with him.

so in the 22nd episode of the first season when splinter tricks donnie into entering the demolition derby. that was an eye opener for him to be better. he saw the absolute hurt in donnie’s eyes and tone of voice because he thought he wanted to spend time with him. that was the eye opener he needed to realize “oh shit. i really fucked up. i need to spend time with my sons. i need to be better for them.” and he apologizes to donnie because yeah, what he did wasnt okay.

and you can tell he changed for his sons because in “hidden city’s most wanted” you can tell all he wanted to do was spend time with mikey.

and the thing is there is nothing that can convince me his sons (and april to admitably) dont mean the fucking world to him. when draxum tells him that before him he had no purpose, that he was a husk of a man he says hes not lost anymore because he has his sons. his sons were the first thing he thought of when he needed a reason to why his life didnt fucking suck now.

this man went against the hamato clan teachings and almost got all of humanity killed for the sake of his sons. he loves his sons and he hasnt been great to them and he wants to change because he knows they deserve better. there is literally so much love emanating from this family.

a lot of people say that splinter is abusive/neglectful and im not denying that hes not perfect but jesus you can criticize his parenting without treating him like an irredeemable monster (because he is redeemable and he did change for the better)

also i know yall arent gonna wanna hear this but someones gotta say it cause its the truth: in general people will be harder on ethnic parents and treat them less like actual people capable of making mistakes. yes splinter is a rat but he is still ethnically japanese. he is a person of color and as someone whos been in fandom for awhile yeah people are suspiciously a lot more forgiving to white parents who make mistakes compared to when parents of color make them. i really do think its causing a bias.

[kylejsugarman]

syd you are destroying me over here. what the fuck. what would “down” look like in au squared? would jesse’s parents take baby when they kicked him out, or would he just be left to navigate his. Unstable housing situation with an infant daughter and no support? im like i dont even know which one i would prefer you to say… down in au squared universe just Does Not feel good thank you for bringing it to our attention :-(

(frolics around cutely while i make everything worse for everyone) "down" never feels good ever tbh, between walt hitting his ableism victory royale and jesse getting his shit absolutely rocked by fate, its a miracle any of us survive that episode. au squared jesse of course fights his parents tooth and nail about kicking him out since ginny left him the house, but as soon as his mom says that they'll be taking baby too since he's not responsible enough, he backs down and is like "fine take the house, take whatever u want, but baby's coming with me". he obviously doesnt want to be homeless, but being homeless and not having baby is more than he can bear. she tries to reason with him, then threatens to get the law involved (i imagine saul helps jesse secure full custody of baby in addition to helping him buy his parents' house in season 3 :) besties), but jesse doesnt budge and takes off with her and their essentials, only for his ride to get stolen while he's in the drug store buying formula. they'd probably end up spending the night in the impounded rv (no blue tho. if i can spare my guy one suffering, it'll be the blue) with him genuinely not knowing if its Worth It anymore because hes literally laying in a mobile meth lab next to his crying baby who's too upset for her nighttime feeding, unable to provide for her but also unable to let her go. it feels so awful and selfish: she deserves better but he doesnt trust anyone to give her that. he breaks the rv out of the impound the next day the second clovis threatens them and drives straight to walt's place to get his money, riled up from walt ignoring his calls and clovis fucking threatening him in front of his infant daughter. "down" of course is a parade of walt being a dickhead because skyler has totally stopped buying his shit, so when jesse pulls up in person to beg for the money, walt snaps at him and tells him that jesse wouldn't even be in this situation if he were more responsible and that a real father would have found a way to provide for his child, which is not only vile but the fucking Wrong Thing to say to jesse after the last 24 hours. this is what provokes their fist fight and walt finally hands over the money, then tries to make some "look. we're both in this for family. we have to work together" comment to amend things as if he wasnt just yelling at his own son for using the car pedals wrong. having the money and getting out some of his rage and misery by pounding walt makes jesse feel better, but more than that, it gives him this adrenaline rush in terms of being a dad. sure it was a fucking nightmare, but he did all of that for his baby and he won. he fought to provide for her and he did. he didn't give in and just hand her over to his parents like she was some stranger that just happened to live in his house: he kept baby, he protected her through a disaster, and now he's never going to let her go. as he gets them a motel room for temporary housing with his cash and goes buck wild in the infant section at walmart and ends the day watching a happy, fed, clean baby play with her new stacking rings, jesse thinks about what walt said and feels a bitter kind of pride. "a real father would've found a way to provide for his child." well he did. he's baby's father and he's going to provide for her.

[bitwynn]

weird kind-of-kind-of-not sagau fic idea that i might make myself LOL

isekaied reader/guide introduces them to Among Us. Specifically to the Mondstat Vision Holders. Everyone goes fUCKING FERAL for the duration of the game-- maybe even AFTER the game AHAHAHA

and like-- god im just imagining this specific scenario where you recreate the amongus maps in ur teapot so you guys could play irl and albedo or tubby develops a teapot leisure device specifically for it so you guys could ACTUALLY FOR REAL PLAY AMONG US IRL IN THE TEAPOT

everyones wearing the suits and they got the tablets with the report button and emergency meeting buttons and everything, and albedo figures out how to stream it to the rest of Teyvat-- with everyones different povs and things and everyones just rooting for everyone and ISERHLgFSLERHJkG

okay wow-- i got sO OFF WHAT I ORIGINALLY WANTED TO SAY AHAHAH but hey at least i set some ground rules first AHAHA

but yeah. so, imagine this--

this game of among us is composed of the knights and also Venti. So thats Diluc, Kaeya, Jean, Amber, Lisa, Albedo, Sucrose, Eula, Noelle, and of course Venti. The map here in this scenario is irrelevant but, I do have to say that the "additional roles" of Scientist, Engineer, Shapeshifter, and Guardian Angel have also been added and are all implemented into this game.

the first round? rotation? whatever you call it is actually pretty eventful with Albedo, Noelle and Venti already dead. Its actually really alarming since even if its just a game, Albedo actually takes this game REALLY SERIOUSLY and shows off his skill as the captain of the investigation team. hes the actually legit detective player-- one of his greatest plays actually being how he immediately figured out who the imps are bEFORE the game even started and bEFORE ANYONE DIED. The imps that game were very annoyed (playful) to say the least.

Noelle getting got is also like-- really serious since, as everyone knows, shes very helpful. a little too helpful. when she fully trusts someone, she will do everything she can to keep them alive and safe. and if that someone is sus abt someone, she is determined to help them figure out whether or not that person is an impostor or not. ultimate crewmate basically. one of her more "scary" plays is when she unwittingly became third impostor and LITERALLY BROUGHT EVERYONE TO THEIR DEATHS. THATS HOW HELPFUL SHE IS. god she felt SO BAD afterwards but it was a good name nonetheless.

The imps killing Venti off early meant that they werent playing around anymore, because that man has the GREATEST SOUL READ OUT OF EVERYONE. helps that hes also god but we dont talk abt that and also he cant use his archon powers to cheat LOLLL. One of his most memorable moments is how before they even started the game, he cORRECTLY PREDICTED WHO THE IMPS WOULD BE THAT ROUND. when the imps received their roles, they were definitely a bit more than shocked. in that same game, he just voted the two imps to break the tie for shit and giggles. and thats how they won the game. crack energy was strong in that one LOL.

The fear and distrust is rampant the whole discussion time, with Amber and Sucrose lowkey and highkey respectively panicking, Eula making hasty assumptions, Lisa challenging those assumptions, Diluc and Kaeya at each others throats, and Jean trying and failing to get things under control. They did nOT get anywhere during that and all begrudgingly voted to skip despite being at everyones throats. everyones suspecting everyone and the only people there who are FOR SURE innocents are Amber or Sucrose.

this is because, while they both may be lousy at being imps, they still act mostly the same both as imps and crews-- aka trying their best to be helpful and win. they're both usually kinda bad at lying. not that theyre bad, its just that theyre not good and you can usually tell if theyre truthing or not by the amount of information they provide and how eager and confident they are abt it. using that knowledge, they all simultaneously agree to shadow those two everywhere since they can tell that yes, they are crewmates, yes amber did watch sucrose fumble the id card 15 times because she keeps dropping it or doing it too fast or slow, yes sucrose did the vials first before walking around the map a bit to find her next task.

so thats what happens-- they split up into group amber and sucrose and go on opposite sides of the map. and then the sabotage happens. the lights die. the amber group, consisting of, of course, amber, jean and diluc, is closer and they rush to lights where team sucrose hadnt reached yet. they all pile up into a group and pull up the lights interface. and as they set it down, theyre immediately greeted by eula reporting a dead body and amber screaming.

after jean manages to get everyone down to a respectable volume, she asks for everyone to give their testimony since she had the interface up. amber nervously says that since there were so many people at lights already, she decided to not fix it but instead watch out for any impostors that might make a move. but when she saw the blood splatter, she couldnt see who did it clearly since they were at the edge of her visibility which is when she immediately rushed forward and spammed the report button.

eula backs her up and them immediately accuses lisa of killing sucrose, off the bar that the second the lights went off she had lagged behind. lisa is greatly offended, talking about how shes targeting her since the first round with no solid basis and eula strikes back with her saying something that lisa did in the first round that made her look sus. and then diluc and kaeya start rilling it up by backing the side that they were with the most, diluc backing lisa and kaeya backing eula even if they only saw the other in passing. it gets real petty REAL fast. literally the only reason diluc is backing lisa is because while jean is trying her best to be fair, she obviously favors lisa a bit more while kaeya siding with eula is more reasonable because they actually spent time together.

it ends with amber tying the votes since despite trusting jeans judgement, all eula had done was back her up and let her voice be heard in the two times theyve had discussions and proven herself to be innocent-- lisa got voted out by kaeya and eula and amber, and eula got voted out by jean and diluc and lisa. the second their screens fade back to the table they all realize that theres gonna be no rounds left since they havent figured out who one of the imps are and theres only six of them left. all it takes is for them to kill two and its over.

they all decide to separate and spread themselves as far as they can throughout the ship to get their tasks done as fast as they can. and as amber and jean start to walk out of medbay and are greeted by kaeya and diluc suddenly appearing in the back of the room, they know that the brothers have won.

everyone is screaming when the impostor win screen pops up, featuring diluc and kaeyas beans. literally NOONE expected them to win, considering the fact that they have been at each others throats the whole time both ingame and irl. fucking NOONE expected them to just-- quietly team up to MASSACRE the entire ship. because really-- who WOULD expect it??

their entire among us game history is just them bickering with each other, it gets like-- really kind of emotional and concerning sometimes-- theyve gotten banned from playing multiple times since the whole "being an impostor" thing has very similar connotations with being a spy from another country and we aLL KNOW HOW THAT WENTTTT

the synergy between the two-- ugh--

eula is just mad she accidentally became the third impostor. AGAIN.

oh yeah, kaeya was the shapeshifter. the first kill in the first round was a double kill with venti and noelle. diluc vented out of the scene but popped up in a room where albedo was but his cooldown was still going so he just did his best to try and herd him away from the button and hope that he runs into kaeya. and fortunately kaeya does run into them, and a bit of hope blooms in albedos heart which was then promptly crushed by kaeya murdering his ass. he then watches as he turns into venti and they both leave the scene. from the second he knew they were working together, he knew they were screwed. but he does respect using the quiet expectation that they would never get along to their advantage.

the bickering did have some actual heat behind it though since diluc obviously almost fucked them in the ass when he vented infront of bedo AHAHA

[cyarikakay]

In Every Universe I’ll Find My Way Back To You

In Every Universe I’ll Find My Way Back To You

18 +, Some little warnings to look out for, violence, captivation, age gap between reader and Joel in future (reader is in 20s), Adult language ,Clickers, and weapons.

That should hopefully be all. This is a series I have been working on for about a while now, there are multiple parts ready to be posted :) It has representations from both the game and show. Im super excited to share this with all of you and I am looking forward to you guys reading it, and hopefully hearing from you all. Granite This is a new account. 🖤

Chapter 1: The Fireflies

5 years, 180 days , you’ve been stuck here. Trying to find a way out of the fireflies' safe place isn’t the most simple thing to do. Especially when you are being held here against your will. You can’t trust anybody anymore, since the world fell apart, it's been everyman for themselves. Even the ones you loved the most could turn their backs on you. 

You were alone. Well not totally you had at least one of the miller brothers by your side. Thank god for Tommy, you wouldn’t have held up as long as you did if it wasn't for him.

Granite you didn’t wanna be here like Tommy did, you just wanted to be back at the QZ with the man you loved. But some dipshit in the QZ working with the fireflies turned you in for working in healthcare prior to the end of civilization. So naturally the fireflies came and took you and stuck you up in some crappy lab to help them find a cure. Not that you didn’t want to find a cure, but you lost everything, everyone, that you loved. You were gonna get outta here one way or another. 

There was a light knock on your door. It was a little early for them to be coming and having you go to the lab. The door knob slowly turned, and the old damaged door creaked open. You shot up outta bed from your thoughts. 

“Tommy?” 

“Hey, I gotta talk to you.” 

When Tommy spoke like this you knew it was serious, he looked tired, drained, just overly exhausted. 

“What's goin on Tommy?” 

“I found you a way out.” 

“What do you mean?”

“You want out, I know the way. But if you get caught…”

He looked nervous, maybe frightened. 

“Y/n if you get caught, you can't tell no one it was me who told you the way out.” 

He paused before he could get the next words out. 

“It's going to be tough, you're gonna have to fight, there will be guards but you'll be free. No more locked rooms in the lab.”

See the difference between you and Tommy was there are people who work WITH the Fireflies and people who work FOR the Fireflies. You worked for them. They didn't give you a choice, you weren't a freedom fighter like Tommy.

“How Tommy?” 

“I think you should hold off, maybe you'll get freedom like me but you gotta listen, you gotta follow the rules.” 

“No Tommy, I'm tired of waiting. I will not experiment on anyone anymore. I wanna go, I need to go…”

“There will be a surge tonight, they are going to be working on electricity.” Once it goes out you'll have about 10 minutes to escape the building and get to the tunnels two streets up. I dont know whats down there but there may be guards, there may be infected too . I know you can handle yourself , I'm not doubting you but it aint going to be easy.” 

You are ready for this, you have a bag ready. You have clothes, weapons, flashlights, enough to get you started. 

Tommy got up and headed towards the door. He looked sad in a way, as if he didn't want to be here alone. But he had more freedom than you did.

“Tommy, have you heard from Joel?” 

“I haven’t been able to radio him this week due to them working on all the shit around here.” 

“Do you know where he may be? Is he still in boston?”

“Y/n, I really don't know. Last I heard yes. But that's not guaranteed, you know Joel.” 

“Tommy, it's only been a week.”

“This is true, but you know how he is.”

“Tommy, if I make it out… I’ll try to radio you. I promise.”

He gave you a soft smile. 

“Be safe, kid.” 

You hated him calling you kid, granite you him and Joel did have an age difference. 

You were mature, you had to be your whole life. 

“What time is the surge gonna happen?”

“9:30, 10:00 , somewhere between then it's gonna be after curfew.” 

“Alright.” 

It was silent for a moment. 

Tommy and you weren't the closest, but he was all you had here. He was truly a friend. You walked up and gave him a small hug and he sighed.

“Please do give me that call when you get to wherever you're goin. And tell my brother hey if i don't talk to him before you get to him.” 

“I will Tommy, Thank you for being a good friend.”

Tommy left without another word, just a pat on the shoulder and handed you a lock pick to get out of the locked room, and simply left. 

You got your bag together and hid it under the old damaged bed you had slept on for the past couple years. 

It was currently 8:45, just a little bit more time needed to pass. 

You had decided to stay awake, you didn't want to miss this opportunity. 

Suddenly your the dim light on your nightstand started to flicker, this was the moment. 

You grabbed your back pack strapped your gun into your holster and waited for the light to completely dim.

A minute passed and you knew it was time, you quicly picked the lock with the lock pick Tommy gave you and started to make your way down the normally flourecent lit halls.  You approached and checked your corners to make sure no one was present, clear. Thank god. You sighed in relief. You knew that there would be guards at the front doors so side door it was since there was a surge it would sound an alarm. Now just to slip down the streets and into the tunnels. 

You reached the side door and gently pushed it open, carefully for it not to whine and creek due to lack of some WD 40. You carefully slipped out makung sure not to let it slam and scanned your area. Two guards stood upon either end of the building across. You knew it you quickly crossed and skimed against the wall the the following street you would have a chance. 

You quickly crossed the street and pressed your back to the cold bricks of the old guarded building, skimming to the following street praying to get out of here in one piece. 

You got to the end of the first street. You needed to find a quick ditraction to cross the street to get to the tunnels. Thank god the buildings were all torn apart and things were scattered in places they didn’t need to be. You quickly picked up a piece of cement that had falled from one of the buildings ages ago and tossed in the the oposite direction of you and the guards as a distraction. If you hit the old dumpster it would for sure cause to big of a scene, You needed to atleast his somthing small with a strong enough noise to distract them. 

Deep breaths, deep breaths, you got this. It will all be worth it soon right? 

Panic is setting in at this point just throw it, you got to. Its the only way out. You quickly chucked the piece of cement as far as you could praying not to hit the dumpster. 

FUCK! 

You hit the dumpster.

You could hear the guards muffled shouts, and as soon as the started heading towards the noise you booked it. 

You had to do this fast, your legs felt like they were working against you. They just werent moving at the pace you hoped. 

Snap out of it. You told yourself internally. 

You could see it now… 

Freedom was right at the end of this block. Just gotta get threw the tunnel. 

You did not want to shoot if you didnt have to. But you needed out, no more being held captive. 

Instincts are usally never wrong, there they stood at the tunnel. 

Two larger guards, thank god that the Fireflies had the supplies they did, this is really gonna come in handy. You quietly unzipped your back pack and pulled out the silencer for your gun that you some how managed to get a hold of and clipped it on. 

Making your way, sneaking threw the cluddered areas to get to the tunnel you needed to create another distraction. Quickly you grabbed an old can and tossed it to distract the first guard on the left side. 

He whistled to his partner and they went to circle the small shedded area to the tunnels. But of course not before locking the tunnel. SHIT. You quickly made your way to the doors. Trying to shove the lock pick into the entrance. 

*click*

*click* 

You suddenly felt a tap on your shoulder. 

Once you look up you recognise the first guard. 

“And what are you doing?”

Shit, shit, shit, you're panicking. Quickly sweeping his legs out from under and hitting him in the face with your weapon knocking him out, before the asshole could drag you back to base.

You quickly unlocked the door and stepped inside. Trying to find a way to lock your self in the tunnel so the other guard couldn't get in. 

Rope! You packed rope, you quickly started knotting the rope through the handles of the doors. 

“HEY! Who's in there!”

The door started to rattle. 

Quickly you tied the last knot and turned on your flashlight scanning the area, successfully keeping the other guard out temporarily. 

You made your way down the dark tunnel, making sure to keep an eye out for infected. 

You had this tunnel memorized. You studied the maps for months, maybe a year.  These tunnels feel like they just keep going. Even with the flashlight the darkness was still messing with your eyes, making them play tricks on you. You really needed to use your hearing at this point. Making your way around another corner you heard a slight crackling noise.  There shouldn't be anyone down here. 

Screeching noises to get closer, as you approached the end of the tunnel you were currently in. There it stood… tall, bloody, dirty, fungal infected. It cocked its head numerous times. You drew your gun up, trying to remain silent, it can't see but it sure as hell can hear. 

You went to take a step forward… 

*Crunch* 

Shit, you looked down at the pieces of broken glass splayed out among the old cemented floors. 

It let out a wretched screech and charged at you, FAST.  Causing you to fall back onto your back.

You quickly sat up and shot. Hitting it right in the chest, not enough to kill it.. 

“Fuck” you murmered to yourself. 

You quickly shot two more times. 

Its infected body dropped onto yours. 

Okay this is it, I'm gonna die. This is the end of it for me. Your thoughts raced in your mind. 

It didn't move. 

You got it.

You pushed its infected body off of yours and checked yourself for any signs of infection just to be safe. Your brushed it off, knowing you were close you needed to get out of the tunnels. 

You slowly came to the end of another and saw a small amount of light peeking out of what seemed to look like a sewer hole. You made your way and surely there was a ladder. 

Thank God.

Making your way up the ladder you heard some faint noise in the background. 

At this point you assumed it was just your banging on the covering above your head trying to exit. That was until something happened to brush your leg. You quickly kicked back and heard that familiar screech. Another one, stood below you waiting for your weak body to drop at any second. Trying to fiddle with your holster to get your gun out quickly the infected was getting too close. You gave it another kick hoping not to get bit. The gun finally slid out of the holster, and fit into your palm quickly enough for you to give him three shots to the head. He dropped. 

Using all your adrenaline you pushed the covering of the hole off and made your way to the top crawling out and landing onto pavement. Scanning the area seeing no signs of life, you tried to find a sign locating exactly where you were, that was if there were any signs left. After what felt like walking for years, you came across a large sign. 

WELCOME TO NEW JERSEY

New Jersey, not terribly far from Boston, you needed to find shelter. It was cold and you needed sleep, if you planned on making it to boston anytime soon. The sunset peeking through the clouded sky was beautiful, you had to say. You knew by the time you found a place to stay for the night and got to bed it would be too late to continue your journey for that day. 

After hours of walking you came across a small cabin. Wasn't nothing special, obviously, but there was water near by and a bed inside and the doors still locked. You boarded up the windows to the best of your ability and slipped outside to get some water from the crick. Locking the door behind you, you shedded your clothing and tried to wipe off a bit after being in those tunnels for practically 12 hours. You washed your clothing with the remaining water and hung them to dry, pulled out your sleeping bag and laid down onto the old bed. Soon you drifted off into a slumber. 

The following morning you traveled through the town trying to stock up on supplies trying to find whatever was left. A trick you learned from Joel, collect supplies, hide them in a good place, and make a safe house. This would be the safe house. Far away enough from the Fireflies and close enough to Boston in case you had to flee. The weather decided to downpour, postponing your journey back to Boston. You decided to camp here for a couple nights. 

A couple days later, you started tracking your way up to Boston. 

It's about a four day walk from New Jersey, 86 hours. With breaks for sleep and all that it would definitely take about a week. You had already been hiking for 2 of the days you needed to find a safe place so the next two days could go by and you'd be rested.  Once again you were searching for a safe house. Once you found a place with a lock you started to set up shop. It was still pretty early on in the day. You needed to go find supplies for this safe house as well. You figured since this area is real wooded the best bet would be to cut through the woods to the stores within the range. 

You tracked what felt like this whole place, you weren't exactly sure what the name of this town was. You just knew you were 2 days from Boston. Two days from your best friend. 

Everyday you got closer the further he felt away.  5 years is a long time, things change, people change. You grabbed a couple things and shoved them in your backpack. It was getting dark and of course it started to rain again. You were tracking your way down the last hill when you saw three flashlights in the distance. Gun drawn, flashlight on top , cop style you stalked your way down the last hill to the main road where you needed to cross to get to your safe house. Gently and quietly you made your way down and the flash lights stopped moving. You froze for a minute.

You heard a voice shout out, “Who's there?” It was a male. You stayed quiet for a minute when the flashlights got closer.  

“I have a weapon, I mean no harm. But if you get any closer I will shoot.” you hollard. The three lights froze in their place. One of the lights went out? Right? You couldn’t tell or hear over the rain.  Yep that light definently went out, you thought to yourself.  You went to stalk your way across the road, before you had been tackled to the ground by a large body. You kicked, punched, fought, to get out of their grip. That was until the other two flashlights got close and you could see who it was you were fighting. You gave them one more swift kick and the flopped onto you and pinned you down. The lights hovering above the two of your bodies. 

“Y/n?” 

The voice was familiar; it sounded happy but scared.

You looked for a minute trying to wipe mud from your eyes to refocus them. You saw locks of silver and dark brown hair, and those twinkling eyes. 

“Joel?” 

[pompadourpink]

Hi mom! I need some advice ! I trust your opinion , im so sorry that this will be a long one ! Im starting my freshmen year at college this fall, after a prep year. I want to open an instagram account , i like taking pictures and i want to keep up with my friends from prep year. The thing is i am a socially anxious person. And when i was in middle school i was made fun of because i had so little followers ( like 25 smthing) and i got sad and closed my account. I was 12 when that happened, i was also being bullied in many other ways. So i am afraid now that people will mock me for not having many followers and they will think im unsociable or uncool or something like that. The thing is i also think instagram is a fake place, but many school clubs announce things there and in college you just want to fit in. Also i was the nerd all my school life, i got no attention from boys whatsoever. I got really insecure, all the people that saw me this year tell me that i have changed so much, now i get compliments about my looks but i still feel unconfident. When it comes to interacting with boys all my friends tell me im too unapproachable. Maybe an ig account will help that? honestly idk. and i know that im overthinking this issue but that’s me unfortunately 😭

part 1

part 2

actually i hate ig flirting? like what does liking a story even mean i hate that kind of stuff. But appearently my generation dont know how to make a move in real life because all the relationships i know of starts online. I cant complain because i could have made a move? but i didnt because im anxious and sometimes insecure because of all the bullying i got in middle school. They made fun of me in unimaginably cruel ways , it still has affects on me years later. I am so desperate for male attention, like i was wearing a tshirt that was slightly wide in the collar and a classmate checked me out , i got really happy! How silly is that! Because i was told that thet were disgusted to even look at me before and they dont consider me as a woman !

Now i go to the best college in the country, i changed a lot physically ( that doesnt matter, i could stay ugly and they had no right) and they are still horrible human beings. Sorry to burden you with all these stuff, it took another turn .

Since i got shit treatment for being ugly earlier in my life, i guess i need validation, posting pretty pictures and being hit on by boys and it sounds silly to me but it is like that.

What do you think about this issue? I know that it’s a bit all over the place , sorry about that! Lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

*

Hello dear,

There is a lot to unpack here so Dr Talks too much is back in office.

Of course, you should get IG if you feel like it. You were 12 a long time ago, those people are probably not in your life anymore (and if they are, they should get fired, no one will arrest you for not talking to people). I also have a ridiculous number of followers and I don't even think about it (at least they actually care when I post), that is not what we are here for, numbers mean nothing and anyone who tries to tell you anything different doesn't deserve a place in your life.

You are at an age where this type of desire makes sense. If you want a collage of the things you love to make yourself feel happy and discover yourself, do it. And yes, if people find your account and like it, you could make some friends. And if they don't and mock you, you know who to avoid.

The rant about loneliness is worrying me greatly. If I could go back and talk to my 18-year-old self, I would tell her to drop the boy-obsessed attitude. The truth is that being desperate is a bad look, but also a very obvious one. You can get groomed easily because what you want is flagrant and any guy at least a little bit charming will drive you insane by just maintaining eye contact and smiling. And if a man can be super lazy and still get you, he will do exactly that and play with you until he's bored and dumps you without a care in the world. That is not a compliment. There are too many stories of women who put men first and got fucked over for people your age to try it and think it will go differently. Make yourself the main character of your life instead of forcing yourself to live in the shadow of people who don't even seem to like you.

Now, some homework:

Watch this. Excellent advice from a 20-year-old lady making the best out of loneliness instead of letting it destroy her.

And this. What happens when girls are boy-obsessed. If you have time, watch the show. The entire world agrees that Carrie is the worst character of the series because she's a shit friend, doesn't learn from her mistakes, and can't be trusted.

And finally, worry about yourself. There are billions of men on Earth and many will find you attractive. You have a long life ahead of you. A nice body is not enough to keep a guy and even models get cheated on. Don't date someone because he liked your cleavage. Having low confidence is a curse because it turns you into a people pleaser, and that just makes you a liar and an easy victim. People can't know you if there's no one to know. A great personality is what makes people stick. Listen to yourself, try fun things, find a therapist, and get a couple of hobbies. Get yourself some girlfriends and do things with them, strengthen your circle, make yourself a person worthy of being befriended or dated, and one day someone will say oh, there's that guy I used to know in high school, I think you would really like him. Don't force it. Don't chase. Only accept someone who is truly happy to be around you, or sentence yourself to have to heal from relationships forever.

Love,

Mum