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#im tired of not letting myself take control
opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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samuraisharkie · 2 years
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girl help I’m experiencing that common yet elusive late night motivation to get my life together knowing it will fall apart in the morning </3 girl fucking help me
#I hate ittt#I’m always like ‘I’m gonna start doing this’ or ‘I’m gonna finally try and get myself in a place where I can maybe take college classes’#and ‘I’m really gonna try and fix my sleep schedule and stop getting distracted instead of getting something accomplished’#and then in the morning evil me is back and they hate me and everything else#and would sell the world to hell for five more minutes of sleep#and my executive dysfunction has its claws in me again#man it sucks being so behind. I don’t want to like complain and make it sound like I’m worthless bc I’m not but man it’s hard#it’s hard watching ppl younger than you achieve your dreams of learning and getting better and breaking through that mental fog#they’re not always much younger either just like. two years is enough to make me wonder what would have happened if I was there#I know it’s not all in my control why I’m here either— there’s a lot of factors at play#but one of them IS that growing up I couldn’t never beat that executive dysfunction plus mental fog and procrastination#and then I shot myself in the foot by saying I waited to long and shouldn’t even try#and now I’m realizing I could but the years I spent fighting with myself weigh me down now and then#I can’t let it get to me because if I let myself get weighed down by it all I pull others down with me#but sometimes it does make me sad. and frustrated. when I feel this motivation when im lying in bed tired at some ungodly hour#suddenly struck with wanting to change my life and not having the daylight nor the physical/mental ability to get it done right then#not to mention the privacy. if I chose to get up at the buttcheeks of midnight and morning I would be not only destroying my own schedule#but disturbing a bunch of others too#anyway this wasn’t supposed to turn into a rant sorry#I haven’t talked a lot lately so it’s all bubbling inside I guess
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lilgynt · 1 year
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my work routinely gives me anxiety attacks
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stigmasochist · 3 days
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i need to be held
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toastsnaffler · 7 days
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ughhhh
#mood rocketing downhill. thjs can only end well :-(#on my period and so tired and sad and lonely and i really really really want a hug im going to bash my head in with a rock#and a bit annoyed i spent ages testing climbing shoes today which ive been meaning to do for ages and the staff were rly nice#and i got a pair in the end but tbh i may end up returning them bc on reflection im not sure theyll work for my specific climbing style#what i rly wanted was a few sizes down of my current ones but they didnt have stock. and i tried the size i wanted in a variation of the#same shoe ie. same shape just not the rubber im after and they fit near perfectly so now im just thinking abt them instead.#u know what fuck it. ill take the train to my old city tmr and go to the climbing store there bc i checked online n they do have them.#ill just be constantly doubting my decision if i dont and i need to do smth nice for myself. and i can read on the train#and if they dont fit better well i have these other ones. and these ones are still nice! but im worried theyre more suited to sport/trad#and im primarily a boulderer... and i mean theyd def be good for some types of bouldering and i wanna get into sport/trad anyway but arghhh#whatever. fuck it. booked my train its not that expensive anyway just time. im tired of letting my decision paralysis get to me#and always settling for shit that makes me unhappy bc its not quite what i want but i talk myself into pretending im okay with it#when im not!!! and its unfair to myself and everyone around me to so consistently fail to identify n communicate my actual wants/needs#this isnt actually abt the shoes im upset for other reasons but at least projecting it onto this gives me a semblance of control#and gives me an easy way out of having to confront n deal with my avoidance...... it literally has no fucking limits huh.#well whatever. i need to food shop and eat and shower and then its okay ill play a videogame and go to bed early#its not been that bad a day i watched a movie this morning which was nice. and it was nice to cycle around the weathers great#probably havent slept enough. probably took my afternoon meds too late. probably just feeling lonely and tired and on my period....#tomorrow will be a nice day and monday i have climbing and there are other nice things coming up. puts down my head bashing rock#okay feeling a bit better now ive cried a bit and typed this. deep breath. wheres my shopping list.#.diaries#.vent#byeee
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celestialmancer · 2 months
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⛈️ ❌ ❌ ❌ // 2:09 am, tbd ;
#this is a fucking vent so just gnore the venty ass tags but i have nowhere else to place this that feels safe other than just.#shouting into a void where no one hears. aka here ig.#bc its better i shout into a void alone than drag others down with me somehow—i dont. know#regardless… i’m just… i dont know what to think.#things are really bad lately & i’m struggling again to stop myself from sh utting down every time i try being vulnerable & opening up.#i keep clamming up & letting my mind take the reins when it tells me to just erase anything i say. to not open up.#to swallow every single emotion & experience that’s hurting me & let that poison kill me slowly instead. deal with it alone#because it feels like its wrong to open up. like its wrong to say anything. like me being open is just.#me being a fucking burden or something. i don’t know. i shouldn’t be like this. i’m supposed to be fucking better than t his.#what the fuck happened to the version of myself that could just keep suppressing & suppressing & not being a goddamn thorn in ppl’s sides.#esp bc all the things i’m having a difficult / painful time with is all fucking trigger heavy shit or things that i just don’t.#fucking know what to do with anymore because its not shit within my control.#a lot of it’s shit im still just processing that has hurt a lot & havingg to cope w that grief alone.#but then there’s also other circumtances too that are hard to navigate & my BPD having a field day w me in recent history too#i don’t know what the fuck is wrong w me at this point. & im scared & i can’t stand being fucking alone in this shit yet.#i feel like i have to. i have to. i have to. beccause this is my own issue & to dare express anything is me just. using ppl isn’t it.#that’s all it is right. & besides how many times has it been proven that ppl get sick of me for not being okay.#how many times have ppl walked away because they realize im just some fucking deadweight emotionally or something. id on’t fucking know.#am i spiraling? who fucking knows! maybe! because im fucking tired of what my life has been in general & im. overwhelmed.#overwhelmed by existence itself i fucking guess & what its meant for me overwhelmed by expectations overwhelmed by vulnerability thats just.#bleeding out through the fucking cracks of this fucking mess of a person i am.#& constantly fucking afraid that im just. too much. too much. too much for anyone.#too emotional in fucking general too intense too overwhelming for others regardless if its overwhelming them via pos or neg emotions.#afraid im going to get discarded afraid of what’s to come afraid in fucking general. fear & grief & pain & rage & hatred &.#desperation to feel anything other than this & desperation to feel loved thats got me having rly foul compulsions too#all my emotions feel like some kind of fuckihng hairtrigger & its hard to stop it in fucking general. i dont fucking know. & like i said it.#feels like shit to deal with completely alone. not bc i wanna deal with alone but bc i /have/ to bc if i dont then im just. a problem. or.#i dont know. im tired of everything tired of my emotions tired of this life tired of all that ive had to face up til this point & tired of.#fear & idk how to handle things alone anymore. my friends deserve better than this emotional burden i am to be around ig.#it feels so much like i have to apologize to those i befriend for being. well. this. for all of me & for being ‘too much’ in general.
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kai3057 · 1 year
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wweugh
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valentinending · 1 year
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Might sleep early tonight
I say as it's almost 3am. But hey that's pretty early
Might regret if I do, but whatever
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atrirose · 17 days
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⠀⠀⠀ ONLY FOR YOU ε🪴⁺ you making them flustered
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synopsis : things you do that makes them flustered
ft . bf ! enha x f ! r cw. kissing, skinship .. sfw, fluff ✶ wc. 1k ◜ ◝ seiu : hope you enjoy ^^ its the enha pov of my pervious post that ik i did long back but its alright.
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HEESEUNG
his hearts melt when you reassure him, tell him you are proud of him or compliment him, he is a sucker for it, could be any moment and he would just turn into a puddle for it.
he looked at you in disbelief as you emptied his portion of cake that he baked “yn, that was mine you already had yours” he pout, on the verge of tears “baby you baked so good it was so yummy i couldn’t control myself sorry but you are such a great cook” if he had a tail it would have been wagging right now “you think so? oh my okay you know what i will make more for you, im glad you liked it” he rubbed his cheeks on yours , while you celebrated escaping that.
“i’m proud of you hee” you plop yourself next to him as he put his head down on your lap “you did great out there” after a long day work these words are his favorite to hear, it makes it all worth it. he looks at you big eyed
“you make everything fade into the background”
JAY
pda and sweet or flirty messages always gets him smiling, though jay likes to keep it nonchalant and cool on the exterior but if you hold his hand or kiss his cheek in the public his ears will turn read despite his best efforts to stay cool “we are in public my love” he whispers “so what” you smile.
also giggles when you text him, tries his best to not show or answer your text in a fraction of a second and focus on his work but he fails miserably everytime “today was so tiring, i want to stay home with you always” collapses on you, hugging you tight “and you are a meanie too, teasing me like that” you giggled at his whiny voice “you can always come home jay”
“i could spend a lifetime just watching you.”
JAKE
being centre of attention by you, he loves attention but from you only, it makes him giddy “then this step was a little difficult but i worked hard on it, so i guess im good now, maybe?” you were doing your work but jake bust in to show his new dance to you so of course you had to give up everything and watch him “it’s really clean jake you did a great job” you got up from the sofa and pecked his cheek.
his whole face got red, not like you haven’t kissed his cheek before but nothing gets him like you sweet compliments and your dreamy eyes giving him 100 percent of your attention, even if he is trying to pull something stupid.
“i must be dreaming because there's no way you're real.”
SUNGHOON
wearing clothes he picked out, sunghoon takes pride in knowing his girl better than anyone, no surprise he picks up on your dislikes and likes, he tries his best to style something that makes you feel like the most beautiful “i was out yesterday and i thought this white dress would look great on but then i saw this necklace and then i thought its the prefect match so here” he smiles,“thank you so much i love these kind of dresses you know me so well” you hug him, inner him is jumping and rolling.
“i’m ready hoon let’s go” he turns back to see you wearing the dress he bought you “oh my goodness, how can you look so beautiful effortlessly” you giggle at his compliments, he is a gone case, a loser if you may, for you. totally smitten and starstruck.
“how am I supposed to look at anything else after seeing you like this?”
SUNOO
loves handmade gift, it gets his heart racing, he feels the most special when you sit to crochet after learning it online, even though the heart bag looks more like a square he would accept it lovingly, in fact he is the most happiest you would ever see him, he would be seen with that bag at every given moment “i love it no please” he said as you tried to take back the bag “but it’s embarrassing sunoo” , he is the type to have all your handmade cards and notes stacked in a box, polaroids of you and him, all your favorite memories to look back to.
“anything you make for me is never embarrassing, i will treasure everything with my whole heart”
JUNGWON
making direct eye contact or looking at him heart eyes when he is talking, nothing gets him all blushing mess, ears red, hiding his face like you do, you always look at him lovingly, humming and nodding, listening carefully. randomly touching his cheeks or tucking his hair behind his ears, gracing his ears “go on hun”
“no” he said burying his head in his hands, all flustered and red “why not” you giggled “because you are teasing me” he huffed glaring at you “stop playing yn”
“sorry won you just look so beautiful when you talk” you bite his cheeks “ow meanie” — “what were you going to say”
“you are so stunning i forgot what i was going to say”
RIKI
pulling him by his tie to kiss him , him being tall is extra fun when he can tease you when you try to kiss him “riki please” you tip toe to reach his lips only for him to smirk and not help you “please what yn?” you pout at his smug face boasting his height “bend down” you pulled on his tie which caught him off guard, your lips smacked on his.
his hands snaked around your waist to pull you closer him, your body flushed with his, your hands still gripping his tie “you can really make anything possible huh?” he giggled , cheeks red “you can let my tie go now” he tired to free his tie trying to hide the fact his heart is beating so fast “now you get how it feels to me teased” his hands still on your waist, he kissed your cheeks.
“how did i get so luck to be with someone like you”
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star2fishmeg · 2 months
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ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴡʀᴀᴘs
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[4.4k] Pairing | bsf!Luke Hughes x bsf!afab!reader Summary | luke and y/n are tired of feeling left behind and help each other out…but in the company of their friends. but it makes a good story, right? Warnings | 18+ smut, kinda slow start, best friends to lovers, long haired luke!!! Bc I love long hair, umich!luke, (basically public) fingering, swearing, appearance and sex insecurities, tiny bit of angst but not really, mutual pining, making out Authors Note | im in such a luke brainrot it’s painful, this was supposed to be a blurb but I can’t control myself but anyway, this is my first hockey fic i hope its alright. Based on this after hours post! This is a work of fiction, please remember that my dudes
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Luke felt like a creep. But she looked so at peace sitting on the lake's docks, feet dangling and toes skimming the water's surface. While she was nothing but a silhouette in the distance, the sunset cascading on the horizon complimenting her like a portrait in a museum. He also wasn’t sure on how long he’d been standing at the sliding patio doors, the UMich boy’s voices blended out into a white noise while his mind wandered to crevices of thoughts he’d been avoiding for months, but anything to escape Ethan and Luca’s conversations about girlfriend stories. Yes, he was happy for them, found it cute in fact, but when was it his turn to have that chapter in his life? He could have it if he didn’t panic and fumble at every party they threw, just a bit more alcohol and maybe he’d have a chance but like all victims of tragedy, no one would ever be her. Could ever replace her or even substitute her. So, while his curls bounced in the gentle breeze, Luke Hughes admired the only girl in the University of Michigan that’s ever made his heart ache and contort in bittersweet ways.
With a firm slap to his back, Luke’s daydream snapped back to reality, to Dylan Duke grinning and wiggling his eyebrows. The most painful thing Dylan had to endure since he met Luke was watching his friend follow y/n like a lost puppy begging for attention, and there was nothing more he wanted than for the two to just kiss already. They almost did, once, at someone’s birthday party when they both nursed a bottle of tequila. But Dylan never told them that, he wasn’t entirely sure if he dreamt it, if he was honest.
“Just go talk to her, be honest,” Dylan said with a light chuckle, nudging Luke towards the porch steps.
Luke’s legs stopped stiff, and spun to face Dylan in protest, “No! What do I even say? ‘Oh, hey y/n I know we’ve been friends for a while, but I’m in love with you haha hope this doesn’t make it awkward’? Like, come on.” With the way Dylan’s grin turned almost menacing, Luke felt his heart almost stop, his stupidity catching up with him, “This stays between us, Duker.”
He groaned and watched Dylan giggle his way back inside. Wingman or menace? Fine line, but at least he was better than Jack. Who quite literally tried trapping him and y/n in a closet when he found out, hoping for the best. Perhaps Dylan would actually help him get somewhere, he’d spent many parties coaxing Luke into making a move but Luke being the humble soul he took pride in, let her have her peace. Oh, how much he regretted it every time he heard her laugh because of another guy.
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Thankfully the docks were at the far end of his garden, out of earshot and almost out of sight, if you weren’t spying. He stood silently, just taking in her very existence alone. If she weren’t wearing his hoodie so proudly, he would’ve sat down by now but the heat that flushed into his cheeks prominently just had to ease before he could show his face. Maybe she’d find it cute that his face flushed so easily, or maybe she’d think he was a fool for thinking he had a chance. Girls were hard to read, so many codes and hints, he couldn’t keep up with them all and God forbid you had an ugly code name. Watching her like that did raise the thought, what was his code name? Did he really want to know?
“I can feel you starin’,” her voice chimed, their eyes meeting as she craned her neck, “you gonna join or just stand?”
Luke’s lips pulled into his famous half-smirk, “I like lookin’ at pretty things, can you blame a man?” He sat next to her, thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder like they usually did, the weight of his boldness lifting off his chest. “What’s runnin’ through that mind of yours?”
“Who said I was thinking about anything? Maybe I was finally catching a break from the zoo. Maybe I was thinking that you need a haircut.” Her laugh was like music to his ears, her voice his favourite song and every word that rolled off her tongue felt like ecstasy surging through him and freezing the world around them.
Spending a summer in a lake house was the only way y/n ever wanted to live. An oasis of serenity and laughs, endless memories, and an escape. But while she dipped her toes in the water, watching her reflection ripple, the everlasting thought that it was fleeting crawled its way back to the surface whether she wanted it to or not. The boys had been doing this longer than she had, it was her first time at the lake house and possibly her last. But there was nothing wrong with enjoying it while it lasted, being trapped under the same roof as the boys wasn’t as bad as she’d assumed. Except for the smells, they were straight-up disrespectful. Would she still love it as much if she was with other friends? Hard to say, if Luke was there, everything would be fine. Maybe a couple more girls would’ve been nice too, though.
“Please, you’re staring blankly, don’t try me.” Luke scoffed playfully, shoulder gently nudging hers as she rolled her eyes, unable to resist a gleaming smile. As much as she wanted to rebuttal, he was right. They’d met on the first week of university, Luke starting hockey practice and y/n starting as their new social girl and since then the pair of them had been two peas in a pod. Completely enamoured with each other, attached at the hip, where Luke went, he’d bring y/n, his person.  “Wait, you think I need a haircut? Is it that bad?”
She laughed, Luke, stooping so she could thread her fingers through his unruly curls gently, something only she was allowed to do, “Nah, I like your hair long, cut it and I’ll cut you.” They pulled back, sitting in their original postures and watched the sun’s pinks fade to oranges, “I was thinking about how many girls you’ve brought here.”
He blinked twice, turning his head slowly to face her and to his surprise his eyes met hers. There was a gloss to them, illuminated brightly by the sunset but like glass as if she were about to break. Heart beating in his ears, he licked his lips, almost quivering when he began to speak.
“Just you.” His voice just above a whisper, husky, “Only you. Always you.” Their gazes lingered, and his eyes fluttered to her lips for just a split second before he found himself licking his lips again, feeling his throat dry at the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. His heart ached, he didn’t have half the guts the Fantilli brothers did, if he had then maybe he would’ve at least wrapped his arm around her. Instead, he sat like he was paralysed, just shoulder to shoulder as she rubbed her bare foot against his leg, their skins touching, lighting little fires up his body and his stomach gaining a warmth he’d only felt in the after-hours of his bedroom.
“Lu?” she rested her head on his shoulder, staring back out towards the horizon, “Do you ever feel like you’re so far behind the people around you? Like you’re missing out.”
Luke leaned his head against hers, almost nuzzling into it as he thought. It was a heavy question, one that’d been weighing on her for a while. Or he assumed, considering she’d never openly asked the group. That’s what made him feel special. Her feet hung still, ending their teasing game and just fell limp. He exhaled, could he let his pride go and agree? Or could he completely one-up himself and disagree, which made him braver? He loathed the storms she started in him, thoughts he never imagined he would think in his hockey brain. One girl could change his entire train of thought, change his heartbeat, change his mood. One woman he pined like a lost puppy over.
“Sometimes. What do you mean?”
“Like, all my friends have these insane hook-ups and embarrassing sex stories and I have nothing. Yeah, I’ve had boyfriends before, but I was younger and stupid then. I go out with my friends and I’m basically invisible to any guy who approaches us, just feel unlovable. And now here I am, twenty years old and a fucking virgin with little experience and no wild stories.” She vented, barely taking a breath as the words spilt from her mouth. Luke’s chest twisted, his face softening when she snuggled into his side. “I don’t know where I’m going wrong, Lu.”
He paused and bit his lip when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her body into his chest. She melted into his touch, getting a whiff of his woody, amber cologne, her favourite one at that, the one he always wore. She’d never had the chance to properly relish in his touch, was his chest always this firm? Arms always bring this much security? Fuck, when did his hand get so sexy when on her body, gliding down her arm to nestle in the curve of her waist. With her ear pressed to him, the thundering in his chest surrendered his cover entirely. Cool and collected Luke Hughes was secretly a bumbling mess.
“I get you.” he finally spoke, ears burning when her finger traced shapes on his thigh, “My entire life has been hockey, so not a lot of space for experiences either. Not enough time for relationships between practice and games, development camps and time with family. A lot of the girls who liked me didn’t really like that. That or they liked my brothers and friends more, they are a lot more attractive than me, so I don’t blame them. M’just average.”
Y/n pulled away almost instantly, her eyebrows knitted and jaw agape. For a moment she thought she heard him wrong, ‘a lot more attractive than me’, ‘just average’? Delving into Luke’s psyche turned out to be an entirely different road trip than she had thought, heartstrings tugged as her lips fell to a frown. Who in the world made him feel like that? Who did she need to hunt down? But then again, Luke’s blood boiled hearing how insignificant she felt and who exactly made her think that to start with?
“Luke Hughes you are not average! You’re the hottest guy I know!” she yelped, the hand that drew gentle patterns now clutching his thigh tight. Luke gulped but didn’t retract away from the noise. His brain was too busy short-circuiting over the fact her fingers were dangerously close to his crotch, doing his best to contain himself with slow breaths, “They just didn’t give you a chance, if they really knew you, they’d be heads over heels. You’re so fucking smart, and passionate. And-and if they saw you smile for real, not a half-smile, your full smile with your teeth, the one that feels like a warm summer’s day. It’s their loss, they’ll never know how sweet you are, that after a bad game, you want steak and head scratches, that you’re sentimental as fuck- like you wear that Yankees hat because Quinn got it for you when you fell ill and couldn’t make the game. You’re not average.”
Luke blinked, once, twice and thrice as her eyes bored into his, glazed with fire as the words tumbled from her mouth and circled his head. He watched the way her body rose and fell as she caught her breath, the grip on his thigh tightening and heat rising through his body. He felt the sweat building on the back of his neck, his collar suddenly becoming too tight. She thought he was hot? She remembered such little details about him like they’d known each other since they were kids. The hand around her waist slid to her lower back, his thumb rubbing the fabric of her (his) hoodie unconsciously.
He smiled, his warm smile she mentioned, where his eyes wrinkled and his chin tilted up triumphantly, “The hottest guy you know, huh?”
Y/n’s face dropped. Never in her life had she experienced her heart stop the way it did hearing those words. She stared like a deer in headlights, she slipped up and the heat rushing to her cheeks burned. This is what happens when you let your feelings take over, you make a fool of yourself in front of the one person who would never want to. She sighed, hung her head and hid her face in her hands, the butterflies in her stomach choking her when Luke let out a saccharine chuckle that made all the flowers bloom.
Large, warm hands wrapped around her wrists with a feather touch, and slowly pulled her hands away from her face and into her lap, soothing her nerves with a gentle rubbing of her knuckles with his thumbs. Although his hands felt clammy, the tingling in his stomach became too addicting to care about it too much anymore.
“Don’t hide,” she was radiant under what was left of the tangerine hues, eyes almost sparkling, “let me see that pretty face.”
She hesitantly raised her head, eyes meeting his and her body relaxed. She had no idea why she was so embarrassed, he hadn’t gagged, laughed in her face nor had he physically repulsed. Instead, he looked at her like she’d hung out the stars for him, wide eyes with rose-tinted ears.
“I think you’re very pretty too. Beautiful even, I-“ he hesitated, “you have no idea how many times I’ve thought about kissing you, asking you out. Honestly, the idea of you rejecting me is terrifying so I never did, plus, I’ve never kissed anyone before, and I didn’t wanna fuck it up.”
Her eyes fluttered to his lips, the world around them falling silent until it was just them in their own bubble. Luke gulped, his eyeline following the way she flickered between his eyes and his mouth before he found their bodies leaning into one another, noses ghosting. His hands released her wrists, one arm snaking around her waist sending an electric tingle through her veins and holding her firmly close. They’d been this close before, sure. Multiple occasions of having his arms around the back of the sofa they sat snug on, arm hooked around her shoulders because some guy couldn’t get the memo at bars, in fact, the root cause of their problem was undeniably because everyone assumed they were together except them.
Y/n’s palm held his cheek tenderly, the hot, carnal desire to devour the boy only being released from its cage when he melted into her touch as if he was opening his doors to vulnerability.
“I can teach you if you like,” she whispered, her thumb tracing across his bottom lip. Luke’s fingers gripped her waist as if she couldn’t be any closer than she already was, but he couldn’t risk letting her slip from his grasp again. He wanted to erase all those other guys who’d kissed her, he would be the last guy on Earth to taste the lips that words and giggles laced with a honey-like sweetness that cradled his heart.
“God, please-“  his heart beat twice as fast, y/n leaning in, closing the gap between them and pressing her lips gently to his. If he were to die right there, he’d die the happiest man alive. Her lips were soft and warm, igniting every firework inside of him and adrenaline shaking him back to life. He could do this for hours, drinking in her citrus fragrance, lips mimicking the way she moved hers against his. If she was a match, he was kerosene and he’d let her set him ablaze over and over if it meant he could feel like the only man in the world until the end of time.
They pulled away, eyes fluttering open to an exchange of giggly smiles. Despite it being a closed-mouth kiss, nothing extra, just soft and sweet, Luke’s thoughts raced at a million miles per hour. All the weight on his shoulders lifted and he nuzzled into her palm, placing a kiss on it.
Y/n raised an eyebrow, his puppy-like gaze almost distracting her from how his skin burned pink in her palm. But in a way, all her previous anxieties dissipated like dust in the wind, tummy flipping at the pathetically sweet and lovestruck expression spread on Luke’s face, “Your face is so red. Are you okay?-”
“-Can we do that again?” He pleaded, quickly, desperately, a certain yearning feeling on his lips that he couldn’t quite describe, except that he needed to taste her again. He needed more, so much more to quench his thirst, a kind of fuzziness he felt in his core.
“Uh- yeah, let me show you what a real kiss is.” No hesitation was needed, y/n’s hand slid from his cheek to the nape of his neck, fingers carding through his curls as she roughly connected their lips again, messier, teeth chattering from the impact. Luke’s other hand found comfort on her thighs, pulling them over his lap and giving gentle squeezes, moaning when y/n bit his lower lip. He opened his mouth with ease, failing to hold back another moan when her tongue lapped his. He wasn’t sure how to react, he’d never made out with anyone and it’s not like his brothers would’ve explained it well either. So, he repeated her movement, his tongue dancing with hers with saliva lubricating their lips each time they dove back in to devour each other. Y/n tugged his curls lightly, pulling him closer, savouring the kindling arousal leaking into her panties with the way he craved her.
Luke pulled away to breathe, his chest heavy but shorts becoming tight with the intense and fiery eye contact that screamed nothing but lust, “You,” he kissed her again, fervently, “taste,” another kiss, “amazing.” He mumbled into her lips and their tongues stirred again, whimpers drawing from the back of her throat when his hand travelled further up her thigh, under her shorts and found solace on the skin only he could touch. Any further and she couldn’t promise she wouldn’t pounce, her underwear was soaked through and sticking to her folds and even one measly brush on her clit would open the floodgates.
A foreign burst of confidence washed over him, and he detached their lips, a string of saliva between them and her hand still tugging at his curls and whether intentional or not, he discovered something carnal clawing away inside him. Wetting his lips, he dove into her neck, planting wet kisses along her column and nipping in the hope of hearing her mewl again. Y/n tilted her head to the side, giving him free rein over her skin and her jaw slacking, whining his name with her thighs clenching together for any kind of friction. As he began to run his hand along her thigh, his pocket vibrated continuously, earning a growl to rumble from his throat.
“Fuck, why’d you stop?” y/n whined, hand falling from his hair to his chest. Luke pulled his phone from his pocket with a disgruntled look, of course, his moment was ruined. Swiping the notification away, he clicked his tongue, sliding his phone back into his shorts.
His arms wrapped around her waist, and looked back into her adoring yet disappointed eyes, “Dylan wants to know if we’re joining them for a movie.”
“I’m quite happy staying here with you.”
“Who says we have to watch the whole movie?”
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Silence hung over the living room, only the TV blaring and the light crunching of popcorn from different directions. The lights were off, just the TV and three boys crammed on one sofa, and three plus y/n on the other. Luke, y/n, Rutger and Adam on the sectional directly opposite the TV, Luke occupying the end with the chaise for his legs, and y/n sat between them and huddled under a blanket. Rutger sat in the middle with Adam on the furthest end. Dylan, Luca and Ethan huddled together on the sofa adjacent to the TV, popcorn littered between them from missing mouths and flinching.
Luke’s hands wrapped around her waist, keeping her snug against his chest while she slowly chewed Haribo’s, feeding them to him now and then. While his heart skipped beats, feeling like a meadow of tulips blooming in the Spring, y/n’s wiggling against his crotch lured all the heat and butterflies from earlier straight back to his stomach, sending it into twists and turns. Heat flushed to his neck when she pushed her arse back into him, in an innocent attempt to readjust. A deep exhale through his nose and his hands slithered to her thighs, fingers kneading the flesh like dough as his head dipped into her shoulder, breath hot on the skin and making her hairs stand on edge.
“Stop wigglin’, pretty girl,” he whispered into the shell of her ear, placing a kiss, “you’re drivin’ me crazy.”
She froze, body falling limp into his as he ran his hands under her hoodie, his stiffened cock poking into her backside as she caught on to what his problem was. The sex-deprived whore in her awakened with a jolt, his cock solid because of her, and there was nothing she wanted more than to feel him pressed up against her, unable to find his release and have the rasp of his voice reverberate through her being as her vibrator. 
“And if I don’t?” she whispered back, as close to him as possible without being heard. Instead of answering, Luke dipped his fingers down her shorts, middle finger brushing against her clothed clit. His eyes locked to the screen in front of him, resisting the urge to smirk when her breath hitched but continuing to glide his finger – in what was a lucky guess – over her bundle. She squirmed, clamping her thighs together, only to have them pried open by his free hand.
“Be a good girl and keep quiet, unless you want to be caught.” His playful tone sent chills down her spine, goosebumps swarming on her neck but melting into his touch. She plopped another sweet into her mouth, chewing intensely when Luke drew his long fingers away, only for her to feel them caress over her skin, cold on her warm body, and down her panties. To describe the sensation that zipped through her when the pad of his middle finger reunited with her clit would be the same shock if you were to be struck by lightning: sudden and sharp, rattling up the spine.
Y/n placed the bag of sweets in her lap, tucking both hands under the blanket with the hope of seeming less suspicious, but her hand skimmed down his arm and placed itself on his, slowly guiding his movements on her nub until he got the idea. Firm yet gentle circular movements, the slick seeping from her warm on his fingertips, so inviting he wished he could have a taste. She pulled the blanket to her chin, not only to cover Luke’s sudden mood but to form some form of distraction from the fuzzy feeling rising to her head. No, she’d never had this before, so the experience itself embraced her tight, addicting like nicotine.
He kissed her temple, two fingers sliding into her cunt almost perfectly, too perfect that another Haribo was abused between her teeth as her breathing struggled to remain neutral. The moan that would’ve slipped past if she hadn’t been concentrating would’ve been embarrassing enough. Luke began languid plunges into her, relishing in the way her walls squeezed his fingers tight, keeping shallow at first. The more her pussy swallowed him in their wetness, the faster his mind spiralled in greed and his pace sped up, y/n’s nails digging deep into his leg, leaving crescent shapes on the skin. The heat pooling in her stomach was riveting, knowing she would finally have an insane story to tell even more so. No one could say that Luke Hughes’ tongue tasted theirs like it was the best meal he’d ever lapped up and that he’d watched a movie with his friends while pushing the limits of both his and their sanity publicly.
With a rush of adrenaline and her nails marking him, he buried his fingers deep into her cunt, driving swiftly and curling in places that made her wriggle against him, his free hand having to hold her hips still with a bruising grip and his cock begged for attention in his shorts. Y/n popped two more sweets in her mouth, relying on their gummy nature to suppress the moans that threatened to tear through her as the knot inside her came dangerously close to snapping with the way he bullied her pussy with his bare hands. His breathing fell deep and shuddered, his heart infatuated with the ecstasy of finger-fucking the woman of his dreams in front of an entire room of his friends hammered in his chest while his face struggled to stay indifferent and jaw tight like his cock isn't throbbing violently and straining against her arse. Like she wasn’t bucking her hips into his touch like he couldn’t tell that her heart was going haywire because of just him alone. If this was what foreplay was like, the idea of piledriving balls deep in her until she couldn’t remember her name was divine.
He dragged out his last pumps, the knot in her stomach snapping and coating his fingers in hot, sticky release, kissing her temple upon her body physically shuddering. Y/n pulled the blanket up to her chin as if she had shivered naturally, stuffing her mouth into the fluffy material. Luke pulled his fingers out, wiping the residue on his shorts, practically drooling over the image of milking her dry. His arms snaked around her waist, snuggling close. Y/n sighed, slumping back into him. On the outside Luke was his collected and cool self, his breathing stable and attention on the movie, the heat in his face and hands that rested on her stomach, soothing her heart rate screamed that he was the happiest guy in the room. With every gentle stroke of his thumb on the flesh of her stomach, her heart soothed and her eyelids became increasingly heavier.
"Was that story worthy?" He whispered, kissing her cheek sweetly.
Luke’s pocket buzzed and he tutted, carefully sliding it from his pocket and unlocking it, trying his best to prevent the screen from blinding everyone.
Duker idk if ur freaky or brave u dog
Luke closed his phone and looked up towards Dylan, who sat with a shit-eating grin. He smiled and shook his head, mouthing a subtle, ‘this stays between us’.
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[Masterlist]
[Requests CLOSED]
2024 © STAR2FISHMEG All rights reserved - do not plagiarise/copy, translate, or repost any of my works. Please let me know if you notice that any of these have been done to my work.
Banners & dividers belong to @/cafekitsune
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xhanelia · 7 months
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Hi, I hope you’ve been having a good day! Can I please request a Sova that goes absolutely feral when you pull on his hair during sex... like he's a whole new man when you do that. The thought has been invading my brain and it won't leave hdjwkkdkd
-Sova lover anon
Ngl at all i be giggling and kicking my feet even thinking about this 👉👈 Thanks so much for waiting for me and i hope i do not dissapoint. Love uuuu <333
<<<Reader is she/her. MDNI.>>>
Im lost with words iykyk with Sova (nsfw)
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It always starts slow and affectionate with Sova. We know him. He knows himself too. He knows that he is a little bit of an overgrown man (190ish cm long like holly shit boy what did your babushka feed you?) and he doesnt want to overwhelm you with himself.
But if you press his buttons, yeah, he switches a bit fast.
When he gets the 'fuck me hard' signal from you he doesnt care. You are under him now.
For him, its his hair getting pulled by you. Its like a wordless signal between both of you. Does the job perfectly so why need to ask for it, right?
The second you grab a handfull of his beautiful long blonde hair and pull it, he growls from the very deep of his throat. His body lovering over you for you to feel his weight on you more. Mhm. He got what you want for sure.
"You want to do it my way, darling?" The russian accent with the word 'darling' sounds deep near your ear. You know our giant bear. He gotta make sure even if he is too much over to control himself.
His moves are much over and about controlling you and your body. He is playing with your buttons too but mostly like a 'dim red light sex at midnight' kinda sex iykwim. He is rough but not ROUGH rough. Just the perfect amount to make you squirm under his body.
He can overpower you so easily he cannot lie that this doesnt turn him on. Pulling you in, stretching your legs, lifting you up and everything. And the sounds you make for him while he does these things? He could listen to you all night long. (Thats totaly not the reason he likes long sessions with you.)
This man has the highest stamina in the protocole if it wasnt for kay/o. He climbs up an down on snow for a daily basis. He is not letting you go anywhere if you dont use the safe word and make him stop yourself. If you know how to tire him then its another story.
You swear the first time you two get close like this, you thought that he had no experience whatsoever but now you realize you are so damn wrong. He may not look like he has experience but its all because he wants to make you feel alright and safe in his hands. But if you want to give the control all into his hands, then he will gladly take it from yours.
Kisses, hickeys, bite marks all over your body. Did i mention he has no shame? I guess i did on another one of my posts. I will say it again. He has no shame. He will look proud if anyone notices the hickeys he left over you. They gotta know that he knows how to do his job.
If you were to ask him about how he likes being in charge, he will laugh and just say a simple "yes, i do". Maybe his cheeks will get a little red but not because of embarrassment, its because of he lies how much more he likes it. This man LIVES for these moments.
(I wish i had a Sova for myself 😔)
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fluffylino · 10 months
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boypussy!hyunjin pt 3
lollipop lollipop lollipop
-contains mature themes (it starts off smutty and then becomes really fluffy)
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"hyunjin what are you doing?"
your eyes trailed down to the boy who was in your lap. the lollipop you were originally eating, not yours anymore.
the boy was hunched over, his legs spread out on the couch, laying flat on his stomach as he took the candy you were holding into his mouth.
his tongue rolling over it. as he took it deep, almost gagging. at first, you were innocently enjoying it when he plopped himself down.
"im tired" he had said. their shoot had ended only an hour back. you hummed, while eating the candy. you were used to him complaining and he loved when you'd listen to him. he lazily lied down beside you. sweetly asking if he could have a taste.
how could you ever say no to those pretty pleading eyes. not to mention the smudged eye makeup he had not wiped off yet.
dark makeup suited him.
unconciously you swiped your thumb against the corner of his lip. where sugary essence had stained his lips. making them extra pink.
"is it that good?" you asked and he looked up at you with sparkly eyes.
"mhm hm"
"yea?" you teased, running your fingers through his hair. he made a sound that almost sounded like he was purring.
he stuck his tongue out, licking the lollipop from the top to the base, gradually going lower. his hands holding onto your thigh, like an actual puppy.
"are you pressing your legs together" you confirmed, noticing how his thighs were quivering. he whined.
"Hyunjin."
he halted his tactics at your tone. this wasn't a time for him to be a brat.
if he really wanted something up his cunt, he'd have to work for it. you'd make him earn it.
"e-empty" he whispered, blushing when you looked down at him.
"the fridge?" you joked, faking a confused look. to which his cheeks grew red.
"n-no"
"then what do you mean?"
"me...i want m-mommy" you laughed softly.
"but mommy is here, im right next to you baby" you teased, heart swelling as he hid his face in his hands. he stayed like that for a few seconds before shaking his head.
"I want you to fuck me damnit"
you jumped at his sudden outburst. frustration in his voice. he pulled away, sitting on his haunches. he knew he made a mistake. this wasn't how he could talk to you. a quiet sorry was what he whispered.
you pitied him. maybe this time you could let it go. have a little fun with him.
"take your pants off and lay on your back"
he shuffled around, shoving his pants off and laying back for you.
you couldn't help but stare right at his pussy. he was...wet? or had he been wet?
"were you needy during the entire shoot?"
embarassingly he nodded, subtly crossing his legs.
"oh my baby, it must've been so uncomfortable"
he nodded again. he loved when you doted on him. made him feel like he was nothing but a dumb dog who'd listen to anything you'd say.
"im giving you two options. can you be a good boy and answer well?"
he shook his head.
"either i fuck you with this lollipop or you can hump my thigh" you stroked his leg, watching how his expression changed.
"i want y-you"
"but this is me, puppy. i'm tired today... will you please let mommy rest-"
"you can rest mommy...but i can't decide"
"does puppy need me to decide for him?"
"yes please" he was so polite.
"how about the lollipop?"
.
hyunjin mewled as you pressed the tip of the bubblegum lollipop against his folds. the pink sugary substance mixing with his wetness. you prodded at his swollen clit. that looked like it was begging for attention.
"baby your pussy is so pink"
you couldn't help but admire it. the colour dripping down. his inner thighs stained with it.
it looked sweet. even sweeter since it was on his pretty cunt.
without much thought, you pushed his legs apart to lick a long strip. both of y'all moaning in unison.
"m-mommyyy no teasing" he mumbled, lips forming into a pout. you wanted to kiss it away.
"sorry puppy...i couldn't control myself"
you were in fact wet and aching.
you slipped the candy between his cunt. the tip rubbing deliciously against his clit. he was good enough to stay still and enjoy it despite being horny.
In times like this you would always put his pleasure before yours. he needed relief.
you nudged it in, watching how his pussy spasmed. so eager-
"w-wait"
you stopped all your actions. worried that you did something wrong. there was a long pause until hyunjin clambered over to you. choosing to sit on your lap. his naked thighs caging you in.
not to mention he was bigger than you, so he covered you whole. but in moments like this, he looked smaller. and cuter than ever.
he cupped your face with his shaky hands, gently pressing his lips against your parted ones.
you felt your heart race. what was he doing? it took you off guard. you wrapped your arms around his waist.
"s-sorry i stopped you..." he apologised, his eyes a bit teary. you felt your heart sink.
"whats wrong? did you not like it"
"no i loved it...i suddenly felt like i just wanted to be close to you. i just want to stick to you" hyunjin mumbled, leaning back in to capture your lips. the taste of cherry still lingering on his lips.
he kissed you like he had not got the chance to for weeks.
slow and so full of love.
you could feel tears forming in your eyes. it had been a long time since the both of you had done something like this.
the lollipop still resting in your hand.
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jiyeonnnn · 1 year
Text
SEX & MANIPULATION, LEE JENO.
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001. pairing. lee jeno x male reader
002. genre. smut.
003. warnings. manipulative ex-boyfriend jeno, possessiveness, there's no plot at all 💀, rough jeno, dirty talk, degradation
004. man im bored. just finished writing a dojaejung smut lol, 'm just gonna edit and post whenever i can. lovelots. also, work of fiction :: reblogs and interactions are very much appreciated
thinking hardly about jeno, your ex-boyfriend, who is still in love with you but is possessive of you, and he refuses to acknowledge it. he's toxic, controlling, manipulative, and gaslights you nonstop.
he just won't let you go out alone, and he controls your wardrobe and choice of clothes. he manipulates you into having sex with him when he gets jealous, reminding you that your body only belongs to him.
one day, you have an argument with jeno that left you both screaming at each other. you're tired of his toxicity, and it's making you confused about whether he loves you or not, but the fight only got nasty, and you end up slapping him. he slaps you back before grabbing you by the hair and forcefully making out with you.
he's going to have you crying on his cock, and you better take it seriously - whimpering, squealing, shaking, he's going to make you a fucking mess. and from that point on, you're moving in with him because he's never going to let you go again.
"you're such a fucking brat," jeno growls, grabbing your jaw and forcing you to look at him. "do you know how many times i've had to hold myself back from tearing your clothes off in public? how many times i've had to listen to other guys talk about wanting to fuck you?"
you try to pull away, but jeno's grip is too strong. "let go of me!" you scream, struggling against him.
"not until you fucking apologize," he snarls, his lips brushing against yours. "not until you admit that you're mine and that nobody else is allowed to touch you."
"i'm not yours," you hiss, trying to push him away. "i belong to myself."
jeno's eyes darken, and he grabs your hair, pulling your head back. "you belong to me," he growls, his lips crashing down on yours. his tongue forces its way into your mouth, and you moan despite yourself, your cock growing hard in your pants.
"fuck," jeno mutters, feeling your erection. "you like this, don't you? you like being dominated like the filthy whore you are."
"no," you gasp, but jeno doesn't believe you. he pushes you onto the bed and rips your clothes off, his eyes gleaming with possessiveness.
"you're going to be mine," he whispers, his fingers playing with your cock. "nobody else is going to touch you, do you understand me?" you nod, feeling a mixture of fear and arousal. jeno's possessiveness is both frightening and intoxicating, and you can't resist him any longer.
he pushes his cock into you, and you cry out in pleasure and pain. jeno fucks you hard, his hands gripping your hips as he pounds into you relentlessly. you're whimpering and shaking, your cock pulsing in time with his thrusts.
"you're mine," jeno growls, his eyes locked onto yours. "you belong to me, and nobody else." you nod, unable to resist his possessiveness any longer. you're his, and you know it. from that point on, you're moving in with him, and you're never going to leave his side again.
jeno continues to pound into you relentlessly, his hips slamming against yours with a force that leaves you breathless. you wrap your legs around his waist, holding onto him for dear life as he takes you to new heights of pleasure.
"who do you belong to?" jeno growls, his grip on your hips tightening. "tell me, baby. tell me who owns this tight little hole."
"you do, daddy," you moan, feeling the heat building inside you. "i belong to you."
"that's it," jeno hisses, his pace quickening. "you're mine. my little slut. my dirty little secret."
you cry out as he hits that sweet spot deep inside you, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body. jeno grunts, his own release imminent as he continues to thrust into you with abandon.
finally, he slams into you one last time, filling you up with his hot cum. you scream his name, your own orgasm washing over you in a wave of ecstasy.
jeno collapses on top of you, both of you panting and sweating from the intensity of your lovemaking. "that's right, baby," he whispers in your ear. "you're mine. and i'm never letting you go."
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celestialmancer · 4 months
Text
⛈️ //
#tag vent bullshit would highly recommend just scrolling past this if vent bs aint your thing#so run along now for those who would rather avoid. im just tossing in tags bc its easier on me.#anyway… just… …#this stress is really eating me alive & im so tired#ive been crying on & off since yesterday esp w my health taking a swan dive to hell amidst this#but i have to just. deal with.#crying when alone specifically like fuck am i gonna show a damn thing to anyone. fuck no ❤️#esp when it feels like my emotions im feeling are me somehow being manipulative.#because i dont have a right to any of this right. its just a pity party im throwinf for myself.#& yet all these feelings emotions everything i havent processed continue to fester & bubble up to the surface in pure vitriol.#pure hatred & anger bc of it coming from a place of hurt but what does that matter. right? …im just.#i feel manipulative expressing anything. i feel manipulative having feelings. i need to remove them at once. i need them gone at once.#i feel manipulative even so much as talking about situations that hurt me. bc i ‘shoulsnt feel this way’#all this shit to me feels like it just reads as ‘woe is me’ bullshit i hate it so much.#im tired. i dont know. im in distress & emotionally really falling apart but just.#it almost feels more comforting to just let myself bleed out on myself metaphorically speaking than to dare task anyone via asking them#to help me w my own metaphorical wounds. bc then im shoving a burden onto them. & I’m not supposed to do that.#so much for being a pillar of stability for others LMFAOOO. whatever. whatever.#faulty ass pillar that’s just falling apart from being built on an unstable foundation#im tired im tired of hurting both emotionally & physically due to flare ups from the sheer stress as well#& crying feels fucking humiliating & like im just begging for pity.#i shouldnt be fucking crying. i shouldn’t. im supposed to be fine. i say. & at first i was fucking able to fucking.#dissociate & let quinn join me too so i could be fully coldly detached. from it. but thats not happening bc i cant control when she joins#joins front w me. & i almost wish she could take front fully. take front from me fully for as long as this situation keeps going.#even if that means i end up in solitude & w barely much recollection of what may transpire. at least when she’s upfront? i dont have to be.#solitude bc she doesnt like talking to anyone even my own trusted friends.#unless its somehow fucjing necessary but at least w her upfront i just. i dont. have to feel. i can disconnect & forget everything.#i just want to stop fucking falling apart & i have so many unprocessed emotions over this all that feel unacceptable to talk abt STILL.#im that fucking convinced any neg emotion i show is wrong somehow & while ive gotten better w this im still. not. idk. just. w/e. ifg.
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thurio-edau · 4 months
Text
"It was her," Aiden yelled out, trying to get them to understand him. He couldn't get that bloody image of Ashlyn out of his mind. "I swear I saw her this time!"
"Cut it out! This is the fifth time you thought something you've seen is Ashlyn!" And of course Tyler didn't understand him. He never understood.
Aiden was getting mad. He lost control of his emotions without the smiling mask he always wore. "Are you calling me insane!? I know what I saw! I'm not delusional like your m--"
His eyes widened as he realized what he said, already too late. These were his friends, his found family, looking at him as if he was a monster.
"...I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
Tyler didn't accept the apology though. He pulled Taylor from the arm and left, he couldn't stand Aiden especially lately. It was his fault. He always messed stuff up. He messed it up again.
"Damn it!" Ashlyn yelled to herself in her mind, waking up in the boring facility room yet again. She was so close to getting there... But she failed.
All she could do was talk inside her mind. Not even out loud, she couldn't let Alex and whoever else was there suspect anything. Now she needed an excuse to have a first aid kit in her room. She wasn't sure if she could walk outside and search for anything in the phantom dimension from how heavily injured she was. Yeah, she had Alex's card thanks to a trick she did, but she didn't have anything in real life except this room.
The walls were plain white. Lifeless and tired, just like her. She missed the braids her mom did each morning. She missed her father's awful jokes. She missed the graveyard, she missed her friends.
She missed that one smile.
The pain in her back and arms were obvious to her. Phantom claws were sharp for sure, she bled terribly in the phantom dimension. And Ashlyn woke up in the facility room yet again... All the distance she went was trashed.
They told her it was a fungus. That her parents knew she was here. That her friends knew she was here. That they were okay with it. They were okay with it. They were okay with her being kept away. They were okay with not getting to see her. They were okay with it.
Tch. Such bullshit. She didn't believe it, at all. It ate away at her, she didn't know how Tyler was right now. How Aiden was right now. A tree and a ceiling. Maybe they were fine. Tyler was alright. Aiden woke up okay. She still felt the way she clung to him once they woke up.
She had to get back. It was so close, why not get closer? One hour was the preparation... If she prepared the night before, she'd have six hours on the road. Right. She could do this. She was Ashlyn Banner, of course she could do it... Well, she needed to take care of her scars first because she could pass out. Every single night was important now, she was practically only alive for 7 hours in the phantom dimension. She felt dead in real life, 24 hours of doing nothing.
"I need to hurt myself somehow... So that I can have some kind of bandaging." Ashlyn thought.
But how? She didn't have a knife to injure herself with. And no way they'd just bring her one upon request. And trying anything drastic was too risky. Injuring her foot or legs were risky too... She needed that to get to her friends. But she definitely needed the bandaging, because her scars were too intense from the phantom claws.
Putting together a plan wasn't as hard as she thought.
im okay guys dont worry i wrote this out of free will yes sorry it sucks it was the free will
its just buildup rn honestly i literally didnt expect to make this an actual fic but here we go i guess
smoke signals part 2 . part 1 here
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oreowooyoung · 8 months
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pirate!jongho x stowaway fem!reader drabble
warnings: mentions of blood & injuries
rating: 14+
note: i’ve never seen a specific pirate jongho fic written and i thought why not try and write smth myself :,D idk if this is actually good i kinda just threw words down and hoped for the best lmao… i’m not super good at writing lol- all and any feedback would be appreciated <3 if enough people enjoy it i might continue it :3 (i know i left at an awkward spot ;-;) so plz let me know what you think <33
do not copy, translate, steal, or revise my writing!!
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
your head spun. you were dizzy and your vision was blurred. everything hurt. you knew you should probably try and stop the blood coming from the sword cut on your arm, but you were just so tired. you were in a safe enough spot. (as safe as you can be stowed away in an unknown vessel) you were hidden between two large crates with a rough cloth you had found covering your body. i’ll just rest my eyes for a moment… you thought to yourself taking deep breaths to try and calm your thundering heart. that moment turned to a few hours. 
-
you woke to the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the ladder that leads into the room you’re in. the one you fell down trying to get down earlier that day. earlier that day or yesterday… you can’t remember… everything just feels so fuzzy. you try to keep your breathing quiet as you hear the footsteps get closer. you shift slightly and barely keep down the cry that builds in your throat from moving. everything hurts and it just the smallest move made you want to go back to sleep that instant.
 “can you check how full the water barrels are? im gonna check the crates” a man’s voice asked, it was deep but soft and if you weren’t in the situation you are in you might’ve wanted to hear him talk on and on. the footsteps came closer to your hiding spot and u held your breath hoping he’d not look to closely and see you. “yah the extra blankets fell again” he mumbled to himself, annoyed, as he grabbed the rough cloth off and revealed your hiding spot. “WOOYOUNG! COME HERE NOW” the man yelled as he grabbed your arm pulling you out from where u had been sitting. you were unable to hide your cry of pain when he pulled you to stand. you barely could, the world was spinning and your knees almost buckled after putting weight on your right foot. the other man, wooyoung, ran over quickly after hearing him call. “what the hell jongho-“ he stopped himself after seeing you. you were sure you looked terrible, probably covered in blood and barely able to stand on your own.  “looks like we’ve got ourselves a stowaway.” jongho said. “and a girl too” wooyoung added. your heart felt like it was about to fly out of your chest, you hands were shaking and you tried to control your breathing “m’sorry-“ you rasped out, your voice scratchy and strained from little use. you whimpered in pain when jongho started to pull you towards the ladder that led out of the storage room. wooyoung was just watching, shocked. “come on woo, she’s obviously injured and we need to take her to captain.”
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