#im too much of a pussy to call my highschool

[oars]

everything is going to make my head explode

[katsukiibby]

Argument after Argument

warnings - angst with happy ending, unprotected sex, breeding, shower sex, established relationship

another stupid argument, over what ? forgetting to pick up grocery. if it weren’t for the highschool reunion the two of you were attending tonight, you’d be at home sleeping at a distance from each other in your shared king sized bed.

at first, tsukishima didn’t even want to be in the same room as you. it took a lot of convincing but he eventually agreed just to shut you up.

he looked nice, really really nice. you couldn’t help but think he did this on purpose. he would usually never dress this nice for a silly gathering. then again, you gave him the same treatment. you dressed your absolute best, not even caring if you where over dressed.

you were expecting more of an reaction. he barley glanced at you and gave you a simple ‘you look nice’. when he saw the way you scoffed and huffed out your nose when you saw him, he was satisfied. all he wanted was an reaction.

“are you ready yet ?” he rushed you. you simply rolled your eyes and walked out the door.

you hated when it got like this. both of you had too much pride to admit that the other is right or to apologize.

you waited for him to open the car door like he always does. he doesn’t seem like the type but after 4 years together, you’ve realized he does small romantic acts instead of verbal romance. the little things he did made you so happy, it put a soft smile on your face thinking about it.

that was all washed away when he walked up to the car and got into the driver’s seat, leaving you standing outside of the car. “are you getting in or what ?” he spat. his tone was so harsh.

the drive was silent. thick tension sat in the air. you were turned towards the window and he was focused on the road. you thanked god when you pulled up to the school. you’re hoping you can loosen up tonight.

you both walked in and were instantly met by old friends. from what you heard, your old bestfriend, shoyo hinata became a volleyball player for a pro team. you were extremely devastated that you didn’t keep in touch but nows the chance to reconnect.

just as you were serving yourself a drink you hear a familiar voice. “hi ______ !”

it’s was tadashi. you never really talked to him at school, in fact you recall properly meeting him a bit after you and tsukishima got together back in college. “hey tadashi, it’s good to see you !” you brought him into a hug. “u-uh you too !” he replied with a small blush on his face. “kei should be around here somewhere.” you told him. he nodded and walked off, telling you to enjoy yourself and blah blah blah.

about 4 cups of rum punch later, you were having the time of your life. shoyo showed up an hour ago so the two of you were catching up. (well it was mostly you rambling about your day to day life while you were pretty drunk.)

you hadn’t seen tsukishima this whole time, and honestly you didn’t mind, you needed a break from him. the gathering was coming to an end and you were far from sober. you knew how to handle yourself, so it wasn’t like you were embarrassing yourself or anything, but you definitely needed help from shoyo with walking.

“let’s go find tsukishima and get you home.” he said as he put your arm around his shoulder to help you balance. “just use my phone and call him.” you slurred out.

he got your phone and attempted to open it with your old password from your first year of high school. a small smile appeared on his face when it worked.

he went to contacts and searched for tsukishima. he called him and handed you the phone.

“______ where are you ? it’s time to go.”

“hey kei, im outside the cafeteria.”

“ok im coming.” he scoffed

“thank yo-” he hung up before you could finish. you started frowning and shoyo noticed.

“everything will be fine ______” he said rubbing your back. you didn’t want to cry. you didn’t want to waste your tears on a petty disagreement. you got up and hugged shoyo, thanking him.

right on cue, tsukishima pulled up just in time to see you hugging hinata. he honked and told you to get in the car. you said your goodbyes to shoyo and got in the car. once again, awkward silence.

“so did you have a good time ?” you tried to break the tension. “it was fine. and you ? seems like you had your fair share of fun” he responded in a judging tone.

“yeah i did. it was nice to reconnect.” you said, trying to not have a snarky response. “seems like you did more than reconnect.” he said lowly. you looked at him confused “what do you mean by that.”

“well you were practically throwing yourself at hinata.” he said with a scoff.

your eyes widened in disbelief. did he just accuse you of ‘throwing yourself’ at your best friend.

“how was i “throwing myself at him” ?! we were literally just talking the whole time !”

“i saw how you were touching him, hugging him, laughing at everything he said. surely he wasn’t that funny.” he chuckled, keeping his eyes on the road.

“are you that fucking insecure ? god, i wasn’t touching him in any way and i was hugging him because he felt bad for me. the way you were talking to me was so fucking harsh.” your voice began to shake, not from sadness but anger.

“all i said was that i was coming to pick you up. how’s that harsh ?” he raised his voice.

“you hung up before i could even get two fucking words out.” you yelled.

“it’s not that big of a deal.” he rolled his eyes

“yeah but this isn’t the first time you’ve done this.”

“you’re always so mad for no reason.” he responded

you didn’t say anything after that. you both just sat in silence until you arrived home.

after arriving home, you both went up to your room. it was completely silent and the air was full of anger and tension.

you got in the shower, you had to cool off. argument after argument. you were afraid for what was next. tears started to well up in your eyes and next thing you knew they were falling.

he could here your soft sobs over the shower water falling. he didn’t mean to react that way. he was just so angry. he was angry at himself for letting this get so big. he was angry because you could leave him at any moment.

it startled you when he walked into the bathroom. “are you ok ?” he asked softly. it was silent for only a second until you replied with mhm.

“i-i’m sorry.” he said lowly. that was something he very rarely says so you were pretty speechless.

it took a few seconds for you to respond “i’m sorry too.” with a small voice.

“i just don’t want to lose you.” he continued with a shaky voice. “you’re not gonna lose me kei, we just need to.. work things out.” you replied. you heard a soft ok before the door opened.

“wait..” you said loud enough for him to hear. “can you come in here.. with me ?” you asked nervously.

“are you sure ?” he confirmed carefully. an ‘mhm’ can be heard over the noise from the shower.

he slowly undressed, already somewhat turned on from your request. you two haven’t been intimate in weeks due to the arguing. a few kisses here and there but nothing more. just being able to see your body again was making him excited.

he peeled the shower curtains back an stepped in, already admiring your body. you on the other hand took no time to begin to pull him to your height to kiss him. passionate and hungry for more. he tasted so sweet. his lips felt so soft, and his tongue was so warm as he slowly slipped it in your mouth.

he walked forward until your back hit the wall. he was holding your cheek so softly, kissing you so softly, as if. he was afraid he’d break you. he never wants to hurt you the way he did tonight. he wants to be more careful with what he says and does.

he began to trail kisses down your neck. he was teasing you. he knew the exact spot you loved oh-so much, but he’s going anywhere but there.

as soon as he made contact with the skin in between your ear and collarbone, you whimpered. oh god, he missed the way you’d whimper for him. he missed how your body aches for him in the most obvious ways.

you trace your hand down his chest, to his stomach, to his dick and you began to jerk him off. oh how he loved when you’d jerk him off. when you two first got together he refused to jerk himself off because “you do it better”.

he groaned against your neck. you loved that sound. the sound of him struggling to catch his breath, all because of you.

“sh-shit i’m about to cum.” he said slack jawed. “go ahead.” you breathed out.

after a few more pumps, he moaned out loud, releasing his cum for you and only you.

he caught his breath for a second and began to kiss you briefly before turning you around so that the front of your body is pressed against the wall.

he aligned his cock to your pussy, that was already dripping wet. he slowly entered, causing you to let out a dragged moan. he went painfully slow “please kei, f-faster” you whined.

he obeyed as he picked up the pace. his mouth was to your ear, so just hearing his moans were pushing you over.

he slid in and out quickly, causing you to struggle to stand. he took notice and held you up by wrapping his arm around your waist.

a line of swears were heard along with water hitting the two of you and skin slapping.

“i love you, kei. i love you. i love you.” you repeated as you felt yourself reaching your high. that absolutely pushed tsukishima over. he moaned loudly in you ear as his pace slowed down.

he milked his cock in you, and you took all of it happily. “i love you too, _____” he replied out of breath.

“let’s finish the shower.” you said with a weary smile.

[daddynegandesires]

Secrets chapter 2

Summary: negans jealousy and temptation starts to escalate when he starts coming around trying to fit his way back into your life while also showing jack who the man of the house is but jack may also have secrets of his own no one knows about.

🛑Warning: fluff, major smut, saddness, jealousy, cheating,fighting 🛑

@jazzy1118

18+

Sitting on your bed with mascara tears streaming down your face holding onto old pictures of you,negan and ellie. Jack walks in and you quickly wipe your tears and shove the pictures under the pillow before he notices.

"Hey baby...whats wrong?" Jack slides in next to you

"Oh nothing haha" you sniffle and play it off all cool

"You looked beautiful lastnight...i realized i forgot to tell you" he said brushing a strand of hair behind your ear leaning in to kiss you softly. Jack resches inbetween your skirt automatically causing your legs to spread apart inviting him in. He reaches his other hand up your shirt grabbing your boob gently squeezing it in his hand you begin to quickly unbutton your blouse breathing heavier when the front door opens. You frantically pull your shirt back together terribly and tugging at your skirt when you exit the room to see negan and ellie standing in the living room.

" have you ever heard of calling or sending a text!!??" You cross your arms over your chest with a few buttons still loose allowing your black lace bra to peak out

"Well....looks like youve been busy" negan takes off his glasses sliding them ontop of his head

"I just thought id come by and cookout for ellie.." He grins pulling out steaks and ribs from a grocery bag.

"Oh! I brought wine too...your favorite"

"Cook out!?...wha" you followed behind him outside to the patio slamming the door behind you.

"So you think you can just walk into my house acting like you own the place saying you want to "cook out" for ellie!!??" By now you are almost inces away from him

Negan flicks on the grill and then grabs you gently by your face.

"I believe its my house too.....my name is also on the deed" he relases his hand and then walks past you back inside

You scoff to yourself as you stand there trying to process what is going on when jack comes outside.

"Im heading out for work...also whats up with him?"

"I..uh...he is cooking out for ellie i suppose" you said running your finger's through your messy hair

"I see.....well ill see you later, message me!" He gave you a quick peck on the cheek before hopping into his car and driving off. You sigh to yourself opening the door walking back into the kitchen seeing negan rubbing up the meat with spice's and ellie downing a bowl of chocolate ice cream.

"Negan! Seriously you gave her ice cream before dinner" you quickly took the spoon and bowl away from ellie before she could cram another spoonful in her mouth

"Whaaat let the kid live alittle...." He looks at ellie giving her a goofy face

You go over to dump out the ice cream in the trash can before dropping the dish in the sink next to negan you caught yourself looking at him his jacket was off and his sleeves were rolled up exposing his toned arms and rough hands. His black glasses resting on his face and his perfect salt and pepper hair. You always have had a thing for men a bit older than you and negan fit that image perfectly...jack was much younger than negan which you never would of guessed going for a younger man would be good for you.

"Mommy!!"

"Huh..yes honey?" Causing you to snap out of your thought's

"Can daddy stay the night we can stay up and was scawry moviessszz!!?" Ellies face lit up with excitment

"Oh. Sweetie im sorry but daddy cant stay the night" bending down to her level caressing her cheek

"Uuuuggghhhhh!! No fair!!" Ellie screams at the top of her lungs and starts flailing her arms

"Ellie! Do not act like that towards your mother!" Negans deep strong voice boomed in the kitchen almost making you weak at your knees. Ellie ran off to her room and slammed the door.

"That sassy girl" negan said looking at you through the top of his glasses

"Thank you...." You sighed exhaustedly while popping the cork off of the wine bottle and filling your cup up

"Mmmm...." Swallowing the sweet red wine feeling it flow down your throat

"So....you and younger guys huh?" Negan chuckled while washing his hands

"Something new...nothing wrong with that" you said taking another sip of your wine

"thought you had a fetish for older men....whats it called? Daddy issues"

"I guess you could say that...." Pouring more wine into your glass

"Sure sure..." Negans voice died out as he walked off to the bathroom

Negan came back into the kitchen grabbing the tray of meat outside and slapping it on the grill. You followed behind him wine glass in hand.

"So...was it you that told ellie to ask me if you could stay the night?" Raising an eyebrow

"Shouldnt you go get another glass of wine" negan chuckles

"Ya know...your cooking was always the best" chugging down the rest of your glass

" i think the wine is starting to talk haha" negan closed the lid to the grill folding his arms over his chest

---------

I was cleaning up the mess in the kitchen while ellie and negan were snuggled up on the couch watching friday the 13th together. Hearing negan be playful and caring with ellie really makes your heart happy. A part of you wishes things could have been diffrent between the two of you that is your babygirls father of course you love the both of them but being with negan just isnt in your future right now.

"Mommy come in here!"

You finished putting dishes away when you walked in there and sat down by negan he kept looking over at you grinning while ellie jumped at the scary scenes with jason Voorhees.

"So...hows the team going?"

"Good...good the boys are a handful" negan chuckled

"You were always a great coach you really pushed those boys to do great things" giving him A sweet smile

Talking about school with negan was always a touchy topic. He runs a basketball team at the local highschool......thats also where he was cheating on me with one of the english teachers.

"She is out like a light... My sweet girl." Negan was running his fingers through ellies long red hair when he looked over at you realizing you had fell asleep on his shoulder too. Negan picked up ellie and took her to her bed and tucked her in when he came back you were slightly awake.

"Thank you..." You said tiredly

"For what baby..." He said in a low deep voice

"For dinner and taking ellie to bed...its hard doing it alone sometimes..." You began to feel really vulnerable and kinda felt unsettling with negan calling you baby

"Jack should be home soon he gets off late.." You raised up off the couch

"You want me to leave...." Negan asked with puppy dog eyes

"Negan....you have to go im sorry"

"Baby....you know i never meant to hurt you" negan pulled you back down to sit on the couch

"But you did.....what were you thinking....you ruined everything" you were a bit tipsy from the wine and your emotions were just flowing out of you

"I love you negan! And you threw it all away for some fucking teacher at your school!!" You began shoving him

"All you care about is yourself you are so fucking full of yourself...you think you are so fucking amazing!" Now gripping onto his shirt hitting him in the chest he quickly pulled you into a tight hug and you began crying uncontrollably onto his shoulder soaking his tshirt.

"Shhh....im here now i promise you i will do anything..i want to be back in ellies life full time again i miss my girls" negan started to get all choked up holding back tears

"I...i cant right now negan its too soon im still hurting so bad.....im trying to move on from this" wiping the tears away from your eyes

"I understand.....im never going to let you down again all i want is for you and ellie to have a good life even if im not in it"

He stood up pulling you with him he took you to the bedroom and layed you down in bed taking your shoes off for you and tucking you in before jack got back.

"Goodnight" he kisses you on the forehead and leaves

---------

You woke up to ellie jumping and screaming on your bed you looked over to see jack sleeping next to you rubbing at his eyes.

"Good morning beautiful" he leans over and kisses you

"Goodmorning" you chuckled

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" Ellie jumped onto you

"Hi sweetheart mommy sees you" you squeezed her tight in a hug before getting up out of bed

Jack had already gotten up and hopped into the shower when his phone began to ring on his bedside table you eagerly went over and looked at who it was. A girl named Melissa was calling him you just brushed it off and joined him in the shower.

"Hey...." Slipping off your panties and hopping into the shower with him

"Whoa...hey" jack said shocked

You grabbed him by the face and began kissing him hard feeling the hot water stream down your back. He moved his hand down between your legs taking one finger and slowly slipping it inside of you moaning out gripping onto his dick starting to slowly pump it back and forth feeling it grow long in your hand. Before you knew it he flipped you around ramming his cock into you pumping back and forth into your dripping wet pussy. His grip grew tighter on your hip as he started going faster and faster untill you felt an emptyness from him pulling out.

"Im hopping out im gonna let you finish up in here" he slapped your ass and then hopped out and closed the bathroom door behind him

"What a disappointment....." You whispered to yourself as you scrubbed shampoo through your hair knowing that negan would of never left you hanging like that and would of lasted way longer. Turning off the water you coulf faintly here jack laughing and talking to someone over the phone you quickly dried off and opened the bathroom door.

"Who are you speaking to?" You asked slipping on some clothes

"Ohh just a coworker nobody really" he said putting his phone into his pocket and sliding his tie on leaving the room

"Okay then....." You said to yourself

Slipping your shoes on you walked into the kitchen to make yourself a cup of coffee before jack headed off to work. Jack seemed super eager to leave for work today you just brushed it off assuming it was going to be a busy day for him at the office. He kissed you goodbye and took ellie with him to drop her off at daycare. It was just you alone in the house today which meant housework....gross.

You tied your hair up in a bun and began gathering your cleaning supplies you connected your phone to the bluetooth speaker blasting old rock songs. You were down on your hands and knees scrubbing at the floor in your short shorts when you were greeted by two feet infront of your face. You slowly looked up at who it was and it was negan with a huge dirty smirk on his face.

"This all for me doll?" He bit at his lip

"Oh....uh i planned on cleaning house today while everyone was out" you said shyly not realizing you were still on your knees

"I like you down there...on your knees" he slwoly chuckles

"Oh! Sorry....you cant just keep letting yourself in negan..." You quicly shot up to your feet

"You need me to help with anything?" He walks into the kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee

"Ugh....The grass needs mowed......" You answered while wiping down the living room table

" jack doesnt mow grass?" Negan began laughing

"Negan...dont" standing there with your hands on your hips you sprayed him with the water bottle

"Hey!.....im just saying i figured young business boys couldnt mow grass anyway" negan walked outside and started up the pushmower.

An half and hour has passed and you finally finished the housework inside. You peaked out the window to see negan finishing up yard work...his shirt was off and he was all sweaty then jack suddenly pulls up causing you to stop gawking at negan.

"You always mow peoples grass" jack called out to negan getting out of the car

"Well, today i do. And maybe even next time...your girlfriend asked me to" negans jaw begins to flex

"Oh really...well" jack rubs at the back of his neck annoyed

"Dont think for a second that you have this all figured out......just setting some ground rules" Negan leans in towards jack and sternly says

Jack glared at negan as he walked past him to go insdie the house.

"Hi sweetie!" You greeted jack with a peck on his cheeck before stepping outside to speak with negan.

"I think you need to go...." You softly said to him trying not to stare at his sweaty toned bare chest

"Cmom doll.....things were getting fun. Jack is really starting to take a liking to me" he chuckles sliding his tongue across his bottom lip

"Negan....this isnt a game" you said picking up the gardening tools and taking them to the garage

"But i like games....and i always win" negan said in his cocky voice following behind you

You slammed down the shovel on the work bench in the garage before you knew it negan flipped you around lifted you up and and sat you ontop of the bench crashing his lips into yours he slid in between your legs grabbing a fist full of your hair yanking your head back as he began biting at your neck.

"Negan...." You moaned softly

"God i miss you moaing my name..."

"N....negan stop" it was so hard to resist him

"I want to have another kid with you....i want to fill myself insdie of you.....please baby" he tugged at your hair harder causing you to moan louder

The hairs on the back of your neck shot up after hearing what he had just said to you. You wrapped your legs tight around his waist and pulled him into you kissing him roughly biting and tugging at his bottom lip. You couldnt control yourself your body was weak negan always knew the right things to say. Negan took his two fingers pulling your yoga shorts aside to his surprise you weren't wearing any panties his finger began to play with your now swollen sensitive clit causing you to whimper out. He sucked on his finger making it wet before bringing it back to your clit gently flicking it faster and faster.

"Negan...im gon-

"(Y/n)...are you in here" jack called out from around the corner of the garage

"Oh shit!" You whispered to yourself before hopping off the work bench approaching jack

"Hey...im going to be going out of town on a business trip soon"

"Oh....well how soon?" You asked curiously

"Like...tonight soon" he quickly stated

"Oh...i see" your voice lowered

"I have to go baby i will keep in touch with you!" He kissed you before slow jogging to his car and leaving

A part of you didnt feel good about jack leaving for a "business trip" if thats really what it was.....something seemed off with him like he was hiding something. You stood from the garage watching him drive down the road untill you couldnt see his car anymore.

"Business trip huh....." Negan questioned walking up beside you

"Yeah...i suppose so" you said zoning out

Negan begins to chuckle and walk past you to his car.

"Wait were are you going!?" You yelled out to him

"Have to go pick up our daughter from daycare" negan calls out from the driver side

"Wait up im coming with you!" Jogging up to his black 1969 camero and hopping in the passenger seat

-------------

You,ellie and negan were back at the house when you were in the bedroom freshening up when you noticed jack had left his laptop on the dresser. Curiously you walked over and popped it open the screen automatically came on to his emails the very top email read from Melissa.

Hey jack we have that meeting tonight dont forget!😊 im also wearing that little tight dress you love.

You read the message over and over again the words ringing in your head making you feel sick to your stomach you slammed the laptop shut your body shaking full of rage and a adrenaline not knowing what to think or how to feel anymore. You just lay back on your bed zoning out up at the ceiling.

The door to the bedroom opens and its negan with a dirty smirk on his face looking at you layed out on the bed you just want to forget everything you want to feel numb you want to be made to feel dirty...

"Hey..." His deep tone giving you goosebumps

"Fuck me.....i want you to fuck me like the slut i am" you sternly said to him

Negan swiftly ripped his shirt off and yanked down your shorts spreading your legs apart bringing his tongue to your pussy licking your sweet folds brining his tongue down to your opening and all the way back up to your clit teasing you. You begin to grind up against his face while he pumps his cock hearing him moan only made you even more wet. He pulls his mouth away and flips you over slapping you on the ass hard the sting of it felt amazing he spanks you agains and a again before he enters his tip inside of you. Gripping onto the the bedsheets you have almost forgotten how big his cock is streching you open to fit perfectly insdie of you.

"Oh fuck.....god its so tight! You dirty fucking whore" he grunts slowly sliding more of his cock into you pulling your head back by your hair

"I miss you....i want you to fuck me hard..." You begin to rub your clit

Negan starts pumping his cock in and out of you his cock slowly swelling up inside of you and you squeeze down on him feeling all it all. He begins to move faster and faster leaning his face down to yours grabbing onto your throat squeezing it to let you feel that perfect high.

"Fuck...i...i cant keep going much longer" he starts fucking you faster and faster

"I want you to cum in me....please..i want your cum inside of me"! You beg

He lets out a load moan as he finishes inside of you and kisses you hard on the lips before pulling out letting his cum pour out of you all over the bedsheets. Negan pulls up his jeans as he hands you a towel to clean yourself up. You havent felt that amazing in awhile so relaxed and burnt off some built up rage

"All you have to do is ask and im here...." He whispers to you before leaving the room to go check on ellie. You get up from the bed to go take a shower.

"What am i doing......." You say to yourself

"Im so fucking stupid...." You begin to cry and sit with your knees pulled up to your chest in the tub feeling like a peice of shit after what you had just done. You are playing with negans emotions and stabbing jack in the back...what kind of girlfriend and mother am i.

[ushiwakaout]

parings: Kenma x reader, Oikawa x reader

warning: Fluff, bad grammar. nsfw under black line. fem reader. TIME SKIP HAIKYUU

a/n: request are open! please don’t be afraid to do so!

Kozume Kenma

Match made in heaven

Both of you are at home workers, other than the fact that kenma is a CEO of his own company

You work for him, you’re his editor and you work pretty fast since you obviously do nothing in your day but edit and binge watch anime

you guys could probably go days without talking and just communicate physically and understand everything.

If you go to the store, and he’s gaming that’s when you’ll talk

Always knock before you go into his little studio room

You never come behind him anymore because one time he was filming a scary gameplay with a heart monitor and everyone thought you gave him a heart attack 

but no, kenma is just baby and you wanted a good laugh- you felt really bad about it tho bc it was live and you where crying your ass off and he was yelling at you 

fake breakup video like the next day for trolling

Okaya anywho

if you want his attention and he’s live, you remove one side of his headset and kiss his cheek (theres a several compilation videos of you doing that all over youtube) “I’m going to the store, you want anything?” 

you always wait like 30 seconds and caress him a little to let him know you’re physically there and not just standing there.

“Uh- yeah... yeah. Hold on.” (there is also a compilation of kenma just ignoring you and you just standing there until he answers) 

you always end up naming his favorite snacks, drinks and food and he either agrees or denies. 

everyone thinks its weird how your relationship works

SOME MANY VIDEOS OF “kenma and y/n communicating without any words” 

you go many places by yourself since kenma does very long streams or just long videos

you both stay up really late together

if hes not making videos hes looking at paperwork and if hes not doing that he’s helping you edit

somehow kenma is the more productive one

you have channel yourself that slowly grows thanks to kenma

you only do lives and leave up the whole streams bc you dread editing but you’ll do anything for kenma

just to make extra cash you have and OF

most of the videos consist of watching you play video game while kenma eats you out under the desk

a lot of audios because kenma doesn’t like being his face filmed while having sex

theres a video in your own OF when you do a tik tok trend where you surprise him while he’s filming 

“Kenma can you help me for a second.”

“Hmm, what is it kitten?” 

He paused his game and while his chair turned you undid your robe

Luckly he’s not live and kept the camera on

He just smiles and spreads his legs for you

(gdiewgsfiuchsiufviusdghvypofgsivhrwshb my brain is malfunctioning ugh im so in love with kenma its not even funny)

He makes you sit on his lap, as he suckles your nipple in his mouth. 

His hand firmed tightly around your rips as he kisses every inch of your chest

“You��re so pretty... So fucking pretty.” He mumbles. He’s kissing down your chest all the way to your tummy before picking you up and making you stand 

He makes you stand in front of the camera while stands behind you and kisses the crook of your neck. 

“I want you to look in the camera for me kitten, can you do that?” He kisses her jaw “Can you be a good girl for me?”

(wow if i write any more smut for kenma i think i might go crazy jskwbvbdei)

sex is very much a frequent thing, most of the time it starts as cock warming while watching a movie and two second later your begging to milk kenmas cock again

he loves when you beg for his cock, makes him feel wanted

he loves feeling your tight pussy clench around him when hes about to cum and you’re cumming for the third time, panting, begging, crying to having him fill you up with his hot cum.

Blow jobs under his desk or while hes on an important call are a must.

you love watching his cock slowly twitch with pre cum when you lick his shaft

mmm i need to stop- i love him so much ugh

Oikawa Tooru 

Being lazy in argentina was a dream but a little lonely

Tooru was always away at practive but lcukly the apartment he had been renting had a pool, and you spend most of your days at the pool, reading or playing some game he just bought you

you hate how early he freaking wakes up

hes making breakfast and blending shakes at like 5 in the morning 

there’s days he doesn’t really mean to wake you, you know the difference bc if he wants to wake you he’ll leave the blender run for a while and if h doesn’t he does it in seperate pulses so it’s not so damn loud

if he does it on purpose, he has breakfast ready for you before his own

doesn’t expect you to stick around after you eat 

when he wakes you on accident he’s like “Oh my baby i’m so sorry honey.” 

cue kiss attacks, warm hugs and him making you a cup of coffee/tea, whatever you prefer that morning

he’s so sweet

he knows you work hard too (even tho it doesn’t seem like it bc people think youtubers and streamers have an easy job when it clearly is mentally very stressful)

He knows that when he wakes you up, you had legit just gone to bed like two hours ago. 

sometimes you sleep though the noise and before he leaves he wakes you up just a little so he can kiss you goodbye.

its always something like *shake* *shake* “Baby.... honey”  *caressing of the head/cheek/hair* “I gotta go to practice now, give me a kiss princess.” you always wake up to the sound of that and give his a really sweet and tender kiss. Oikawa really just wants to fall back asleep with you and hold you, especially today since it was a cold morning

after you give him the kiss, you caress his cheek and then shove him away- a little jumpy that he need to go. “Love you.” you mutter before covering yourself with the blankets 

he always slaps your ass over the blankets, it never huts but it’s just a sign of his actually leaving to practice 

You wear his stuff when he leaves

low key have attachment issues since you moved with him to Argentina

other than pool side reading, or doing a few laps before breakfast- you really don’t do anything but work.

Work for you consisted you of just playing video games or streaming

You’re popular on the female side of gamers 

sometimes you have streams where you ask your fans to play and write down their handles and you’d add them to a game or sum

Everyone knows your dating a professional volleyball player an they think it’s an interesting duo

You cry when Tooru brought Hinata over, he smelt like home

you def. helped him adjust to the life in argentina bc it’s nothing like home.

hinata comes over for dinner ever weekend

if you’re not working or at the pool, you’re in a white hoddie and some shorts, just watching Hinata play some beach volleyball while playing some game

You very much remind him of kenma- it helped a lot when he got some sick- you didn’t really ‘help’ you just cried with him about how much you miss home

although your schedule isnt the best, youre always awake when tooru gets home, always there to greet him with kisses 

hes lucky you like cooking, bc he always comes home to an empty stomach 

you’re probably the slowest cooker he knows but you take your sweet time bc you know that it always comes out w the best result and he doesnt complain anymore

baths w oikawa are frequent

muscles sores are a usual so seconds before he gets home theres a hot bath being  pampered with your love for him

you work so slow on everything hes surprised you actually get stuff done

a little offended that he doesn’t believe in your slow work ethic bc it worked since highschool.

there had been times where he just ask if you’re not ever sick of being at home locked in all day and it stated a very month long fight.

sleeping in different rooms

(LIL ANGST AHEAD)

Tooru can hear you cry from the other room

he didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, he really didn’t. he just doesn’t want you to regret anything- especially moving here with him

you hate it when he questions your life ethics. it makes you feel like a failure and unworthy.

your life is simple and you like it that way but the second he questions it you think that you aren’t doing enough

will 100% sleep outside your door because he can’t sleep alone anymore. he’s gotten used to you being right next to him

you realize that it seems he’s given up so now it’s time to go to the kitchen and get water

but to your surprise tooru is very asleep on the doorframe when you open the door. it’s makes your heart ache just a little bit. he looks tired, his eyes are puffy but he looks so at peace.

you wake him up to go to bed but he has other plans.

he’s kissing you so sweetly, every piece of skin he can find he will kiss

will carry you to bed and kiss your tummy as your shirt ran a little too high

will start to kiss your inner thigh and pull down your underwear and slowly make his way up to your pussy

you’re clearly trying to shove him off (not hard enough) because you keep closing your legs and trying to push him with your foot

will spread your legs and keep his hands there to he can start eating you out

this is his apology. this his how oikawa tooru says im sorry without saying it. soft pleasuring, orgasmic sex.

his fingers are so deep in your pussy while he’s sucking on your clit. he doesn’t look at you when you cum because he feels like he doesn’t deserve to see it.

you’re begging him to look at you after he’s done fingering you so you can kiss him with your taste this lingering oh his tongue

fucks you in a matting press because when it’s slow and he’s thrusting it all in.... i don’t think he’s seen you twitch and drool so much

tooru is there to pleasure you and when he sees you cry out of the pleasure you know he’ll be forgiven when it’s over

aftercare is even better

he doesn’t make you do anything

he presses you, gives you kisses and over all will apologize verbally when you’re slowly falling asleep in his arms

[kpop---scenarios]

The Comeback

Idol! Wonho x Reader 

Warning: Smut 

Commissioned by: @blueblondewonhoishot​

Word Count: 3.4k 

A/N: hope you enjoy!! 

*Monsta X vocalist Shin Wonho leaves group pending rumors* You stare at the headline that had just popped up on your phone. You knew you needed to call Wonho immediately, but you couldn't stop staring in disbelief at the headline. You had known Wonho for years, before he even joined Monsta X and you knew how bad he wanted to become an idol and how much he loved it. This made no sense to you. You were in complete shock. You and Wonho had met in elementary school. He had stuck up for you when some bullies had been harassing you. The two of you had become inseparable, Wonho always looking out for you. He very quickly became your best friend, the one you would go too with any problem, exciting news, anything. Even boy troubles. When the two of you began dating other people in high school, both your partners always became insecure about your friendship, even when you explained multiple times you two were just friends. Wonho's girlfriends would glare at you and do anything in their power to somehow get rid of you. They would whine to him about you, make up lies, the works. It never worked, he always chose you. Your boyfriends on the other hand always felt threatened by him, and accused you of cheating with him. That was never the case, everything was completely platonic between you too, all through high school, you were only friends. Once the two of you graduated you began to see him differently. You remember the day perfectly. You two had gone out to get ice cream the summer after graduation. You sat across from him on a park bench, laughing at him that his ice cream was melting all over the place. You smiled as you watched him try to lick it all up as it spilled all over his hands, That made your heart flutter, even when you didn't want it too. You weren't sure how to handle your new found lust and love for him. In high school he had always told you it would be weird if you two ever did anything, especially when other people asked about your relationship.  He always was adamant that you were nothing more than friends. Just friends. Always just friends. It broke your heart that he would never see you like that. However, little did you know, he had been harboring feelings for you since your senior year of highschool but was terrified you wouldn't feel the same, or that he ruined his chances by always saying you two were only friends. It wasn't until one summer night, the two of you drinking to celebrate his news of passing all his auditions at Starship Ent. You were so proud of him.  For years he had wanted to become an idol and you were honestly so happy that his dreams were finally coming true. But that would mean he would be leaving you in Daegu. Although the commute wasn't far, you both knew he would be far too busy for regular visits. It was the night of your celebration that you had decided to tell Wonho how you felt. You couldn't have him leave without knowing the truth, regardless of the outcome. "I have to confess something." You say, turning to face him. "I'm all ears." He smiles. "I love you." You blurt out. "I'm in love with you." Wonho stares at you with wide eyes. He quickly chugs the rest of his drink, still not saying a word. "I'm sorry. I should have just kept it inside." You whisper, putting your face in your hands. "No no." He begins, lifting your chin."I love you too, I have been in love with you since our senior year." He whispers. Hesitantly he leans in, pausing to make sure it was okay. You smile, grabbing his face to press your lips to his. Within seconds it went from gentle to passionate and needy. Wonho pulls you forward, closer to him. You lift your leg over him, placing yourself in his lap to straddle him. Wonho slips his hands under your shirt, gliding them across your back. Soon after he begins to tug at the hem of your shirt, wanting to take it off. You happily oblige, breaking the kiss with a smile and lifting your arms so he could lift it over your head, throwing it somewhere in the room. He reaches behind you again, this time to unclasp your bra, slowly sliding it down your arms, also throwing it somewhere in the living room. "God you're beautiful." He groans, cupping your breasts before leaning forward to latch his lips around your nipple, gently sucks. You throw your head back, letting out a loud moan as he moves his mouth over to your other nipple. As he continued to suck, you began moving your hips, grinding yourself on his already hard cock. Fuck you were so glad you were wearing shorts. "Baby that feels so good." He moans. You smirk at him as you slide yourself off his lap, getting onto your knees. You unbuckle his belt and then undo the button of his pants. He lifts his ass off the couch, helping you to be able to slide his pants and boxers down. You lick your lips as you look at his large, veiny cock standing straight up. You grip his cock with your hand before leaning forward and opening your mouth. First you tease him, onl gently sucking his tip. "Please baby." He begs. You happily take more of him into your mouth, he automatically bucks his hips, shoving his cock down your throat. Uou gag as he begins fycking your mouth, thrusting his cock harshly. A few minutes later, he stops all movement. "I'm going to end up cumming." He groans, sitting up on the couch. "Come ride my cock." He smirks. "Now." You stand up quickly, sliding off your shorts before straddling him again. You grab his cock to line him up with your entrance before you sink down onto him, slowly. You sit for a minute, adjusting to his size as he stretches you out. You begin rocking your hips, getting used to it. Once you do, you begin to bounce yourself on his cock. "Fuck baby, you ride my cock so well." He groans. Wonho leans forward, taking your nipple into his mouth again, sucking harder while pinching your other nipple. The way his cock hit your G-spot, the way your clit was rubbing against him and the way he played with your nippled had your orgasm coming fast. Your eyes rolled back into your head, your hands gripped his shoulders, your nails dragging down his chest, leaving scratches. Your body shook as your orgasm took over your body, pulsating through you. It had lasted longer than any other orgasm you had. "Fuck." You cry out, your body shuddering and exhausted. Wonho sat up, never taking himself out of you and laid you on your back on the couch before quickly thrusting himself in and out of you. "Shit I'm close." he groans, his thrusts becoming sloppier. "Where do I cum?" He asks, a little panicked. "Cum in my pussy." You moan. "I'm on the pill." You tell him to clarify. "Jesus, fucking shit." He cries out, his warm cum spills inside you. He lays there for a second, still inside you as he catches his breath. He pulls out of you, cum begins to drip out of you, making him moan and become semi hard again. "Fuck that's hot." He groans before getting up to grab a cloth to clean you up with. You both lay in his bed, not saying a word, but you're the one to break the ice a few minutes later. Turning to him, you ask "what does this mean? What are we now?" "I mean I want to be with you, of course. But would you be willing to do long distance, especially during tours and what not?" He asks. "I'm in." You smile. "Im all in."   And you were. You stayed with Wonho through the stressful time on No Mercy, through losses and wins at award shows, interviews  - everything. You consoled him when he called you in the middle of the night, crying because he just wanted to come home and see you. You surprised him when you could and he was around. You never complained about your lack of communication or how long he was away for, you supported him in his dream 100%. The long distance between the two of you became annoying and hard after a year. Phone calls, Skype and the occasional visit just wasn't enough anymore. Eventually you asked to transfer to Seoul, not telling Wonho in case you didn't get it. But you did. The second you were off the phone with your boss, you called him. "Guess what!" You yell the moment he answers. "You love me?" He guesses. "True, but not what I was going to say. "Tell me what then." He chuckles. "I got transferred to Seoul!" You yell. He says nothing. "Babe?" Again nothing but some sniffling. "I'm so excited baby, I miss you so much." He says. "I love you." "Forever and always." You smile. "I'll be there at the end of the month." ** The next few weeks the two of you text back and forth all the dirty things you wanted to do to each other when you were finally together again. You both made a pact that neither of you were going to get off and cum until you were together again, no matter how much you both wanted to. One week before you were set to move, Wonho called you on Skype. Upon were wearing a low cut tanks top with short shorts to bed and you knew it was going to destroy him not to have you. "Hi babe." You say, seeing him on the screen. "Oh baby, why?" He groans, his head in his hands. "What?" You ask innocently, knowing full well what he was talking about. "I'm already so hard baby, this is torture." He whines. You had to admit, you were dying for his cock and a release. "Let me see your pussy baby." He asks. You couldn't say no to that, you needed this as much as he did. You angle the camera down a little, letting him watch you slide down your shorts. "Tell me what you want me to do." You whisper. "Spread your legs." He demands. You do as you're told. "Now spread your lips baby, lemme see." He moans. You do as he asks, giving him an excellent view of your soaking pussy. "Fuck how I wish I could ram my cock into you." He breathes. You see him on your screen, watching him slide down his sweatpants, his cock springing free. "Now what?" You ask. "Stick your fingers inside yourself." He tells you. You slowly slide three fingers in your pussy, pulling them out and pushing them back in. "Good girl." He groans, stroking his cock. "How does it feel?" He asks. "So good, but not as good as your fingers baby." You moan. "That's right baby." He huffs. "Now rub your clit." He tells you. You move your other hand in between your lips, gently rubbing yourself while your fingers continue to move in and out of you. "I don't think I'm going to last long." You cry out, your pace quickening. "Fuck yourself faster." He demands. You move your fingers on your clit and inside you quicker, your orgasm coming fast. "I'm going to cum." You scream, your orgasm hitting you hard. "Fuck." Wonho cries, slowly pumping his cock as his cum squirts onto his hand and stomach. You sit up, watching him clean himself up and you pout. "I wish I could lick it up." You groan. "Soon baby, one more week." He smiles. "I love you." "Forever and always." You say. "See you soon." "Yes you will, sleep tight baby." He smiles before disconnecting. The last week was the longest week ever, but it finally came to an end after what felt like an eternity. It was finally moving day, you happily packed your things into your car, ready to make the trip to your love and best friend. It had been a hard year with only seeing him on occasion, and you knew this would be so much better. ** It was years later and Monsta X was thriving in the US, and everything seemed perfect. You and Wonho were still as in love with each other as the day you both confessed. You had taken the day off work, just needing a day to yourself, sitting in bed and scrolling through your phone, and Wonho was at dance practice, despite having only gotten home a few days ago from promotions. And that's when it popped up. The headline announcing Wonho's decision to leave the group. You didn't understand, you were shocked. You opened the article, and it had said someone had revealed that years ago he had smoked pot. Are you fucking kidding? That's the lamest fucking reason for this shit. You couldn't believe this bitch had the audacity to try and ruin his career and for what? That morning Wonho had spent hours with his manager, the CEO of Starship, his publicist and everyone else who could try to help him. "I think I should leave. Take a break." Wonho sighs. "That might be for the best." Everyone agrees. "We need this to blow over and then get you back with your group. Just be patient and wait it out." His publicist tells him. Leaving was the last thing he wanted to do, but he figured that it was the best for his group. He didn't want them to attract any negative attention. He left the building around lunch time, wandering around unsure of what to do with himself. He didn't want to go home, he didn't want to answer or deal with your questions. He turned off his phone, just needing time to think. Eventually, hours later he went home. You were just about to call him when you heard the front door unlock and then slam. You crawled out of bed and headed for the living room where you saw Wonho sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. "Babe.." you begin. "What happened?" ** You spent the next few hours trying to discuss what had happened and you could tell that he was becoming more and more irate about the entire situation, refusing to tell you anything. You just didn't understand. "I don't get it. Why won't you tell me?" You sigh. "You don't have to fucking get it Y/N. Just fucking drop it." He snaps. "I'm not going to drop it. You need to tell me what happened." You protest. "Back the fuck off. I'm not talking about this anymore!" He yells, grabbing his coat before slamming the door, leaving you wondering what just happened. For the next few weeks Wonho avoided you like you were some kind of virus. If you walked into the apartment, he left. If you went to bed, he went to the couch. You tried texting him, calling him and even facetime. He ignored you. Finally one night you lost it on him. You managed to corner him in the kitchen and this time he didn't try to walk away. He could see the hurt and the pain on your face, the sadness in your eye's and he felt like the worst person in the world for treating you like this. He knew he had to tell you the secret he had been harboring, but he was worried even though he shouldn't be. You were understanding, but with the way he had treated you lately, you may not be. "You need to talk to me! You can't keep ignoring me and keeping me in the dark!" You cry. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to handle it myself, and I knew if I talked to you you'd try to get me to talk about it and get involved, but this was something i needed to do by myself and handle her by myself." He tells you. "Who was she?" You ask nervously. You never thought he would be one to cheat, but then again do you ever truly know someone? "She was just someone who ended up backstage alot. She flirted with me, and tried to get me to go back to her hotel room. The last time was a few days before the story leaked. After practice she managed to slip in the room while I was alone, working on choreography." He tells you. He looks nervous for the next part, he sighs while avoiding eye contact. "She showed up in a trench coat, and when she took it off she was in lingerie." He whispers. Tears slip down your cheeks as you assume the worst, it starts to get harder to breathe. "Did you cheat?" You whisper. "No baby, no no I didn't I promise." He assures you. "So why did you hide it?" You ask. "Because I thought I handled it. I was mean the last time, I assumed it worked and she would just leave me alone now. But instead she dug into my past, exposing shit." He says. "Is it true?" You question. "It doesn't matter. What matters is moving forward and figuring out what I'm going to do next." He sighs, his hand rubbing his forehead. You could tell this was destroying him. Being in Monsta X was a dream come true. He loved the other members. He loved all their fans. That was his life and he needed it back. Wonho and his team worked everyday in an attempt to bring him back into the group. Back to performances, promotions, interviews, but they all knew it would take time. Day after day, week after week, month after month, Wonho hoped that today would be the day. Today he would be able to rejoin the group. But it was never that day. He appreciated you trying to distract him, keeping his spirits up and just being there for him but he was still heartbroken. Wonho regularly went live to talk to his fans, and he couldn't believe the outpour of support he had. He spent time reading comments, checking twitter to see all the love. The billboards, the signs, the banners. Everything he saw fueled him more and more to get back to what he loved to do. He made a promise to never leave his fans, and he wasn't one to break promises. He fought tooth and nail, and finally he succeeded. ** 7 months after Wonho had announced his departure from the group, a new headline appeared. *Wonho rejoins Monsta X and fans couldn't be happier.* You look at him with a surprised face. You had known nothing about it, but you couldn't be happier for him. You jump on him, causing him to fall back on the bed as you tackled him, now straddling his lap. Leaning down, you place a small kiss on his lips. "Why didn't you tell me!?" You ask, lightly smacking his chest. "I wanted it to be a surprise." He laughs. "I'm so happy for you." You whisper, giving him another small kiss. Wonho wraps his arm around you, pulling your body against his more, deepening the kiss. He quickly rolls hou both over, making you now lay on your back, with him between your legs. "How happy are you?" You smirk, as he presses his already hard cock against your pussy. "I'm very happy." He says in a low growly whisper. "Mhm, I can tell." You laugh, bucking your hips to grind yourself on him. "Don't tease me baby, you don't know what I'll do to you." He warns you. "You can do whatever you want to me." You breathe. "Don't mind if I do." He smirks, wiggling his body down yours, pulling your pants down with him, his face between your thighs. You finally had your boyfriend back, and he was finally getting his comeback.

[drkcnry67]

we’re related and I Don’t Care

title: We’re Related and I Don’t Care

pairing: Jared x reader

fluff: roommates (bro/sis)

kink: virginity

tags:  INCEST, VAGINAL PENETRATION, LIVING TOGETHER AND REALIZING YOU HAVE FEELINGS BUILT UP FOR EACHOTHER, HARD COCK IN TIGHT PUSSY, brother boner for his sister, shower sex... DO NOT READ THIS WILL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES!!!

rating: 18+

mentioning @spnfluffbingo​   @spnkinkbingo​   @sweetness47​

fluff    kink 

before i get ahead of myself here, let me just put this here, i was 100% in control of my actions when the following events took place. 

twas the week after highschool graduation, i was all set to move into an apartment of my own. it was a wonderful idea, i was so excited. but then the day before my big move was supposed to take place my parents and my brother got into a huge argument. 

he approached me about moving into the apartment with me, okay that wasnt a issue, my brother was successful like me and we were both now packed and prepared for our early day start the next day. 

me and my brother always had the best relationship. it was a bond like no other, he was my guardian while i would go on shopping sprees and i was his while he was with his friends in a club setting. 

our chemistry was about to take a very very wide turn... but we at that time didnt know that. the day of the big move, well i helped my brother for the most part load our shit on the truck, but he insisted on him and his friends doing this themselves.

who was i to complain, anyway it was complete in 5 hours, it was all in the apartment and then we realized that we would need to purchase some more furniture, not a problem. it would be a easy fix, so we sat down on the floor and set up the laptop to TV hdmi.

Jared: alright sis, what kind of furniture are we getting?

You then gesture down to the table before you where the list of furniture sits before you and your brother.

Yn: well dear brother as you can see before you, I made a list, but because this is our place we both have equal say in the furniture design.

Jared: may I pick the first piece of furniture?

Yn: of course... Let me just go and take another measurement real quick...

You got up and left the room, your brother picked out the sofa and love seat, in a pattern that he figured you would approve of.

He was browsing the blanket sets when you re-entered the room.

Yn: alright so what do we have so far in the cart...

Jared: the sofa and love seat. I was just browsing through the blanket sets... We should have a few extras for when we do laundry...

you were scouring the blanket sets and decided your brother was right. you were now putting one of each set in the cart, you then passed the reigns to your brother so he can pick out the bed frames, one for you, one for him.

then some pots, pans, kitchen stuff, and bathroom stuff. then you both agreed that would be sufficient to get you both started so you went through the checkout and waited.

YN: so we should also order another tv so we can both play games together. its gonna be easier that way.

Jared sighed he knew you were right he just hated to admit it... deep down inside he was holding in his feelings, he had a huge boner for you, he always had, but now living with you now he might actually have his shot at having the life he always wanted with you.

Jared: your right, which is why i had placed that order last night... they will be delivered around the same time as the furniture. its a good thing we think alot alike.

YN: guess thats the bond we share, now what do we want for dinner.

Jared: well we clearly dont have any groceries yet... so what do we want...

You had to go with your gut... You had to use your keen sense of sibling skills and happily tell your brother what you wanted.

Yn: remember when we were growing up and after school you and I would stop for dinner on Fridays at a little restaurant down near the school and celebrate the victories and losses through the week.

Jared: do they do delivery?

Yn: how bout you call and find out while I go and find the bed sheets so we can finish setting up the beds as in put the pillows and comforters on as the rest of the stuff won't be here till tomorrow.

Jared nods his head and smiles watching as you get up and leave the room.. his mind thinking the most evil thoughts, as he mentally undresses you and pictures you beneath him screaming his name with bountiful pleasure.

Jared (to self): i need to make my move soon, cause its perfect opportunity to now that i live with her. its the perfect time. just need the right moment.

so for the next few hours Jared watched, waited, and sat with you in the living room, dinner arrived you guys ate and smiled.

Yn: hey bro, what time is it?

Jared looked at his watch, and smiled when his brain dinged and remembered your evening routine. for as long as he could remember you would shower every second evening. since the last time you showered was the night before last...

Jared: dont worry about anything ill clean up and finish setting up the sleeping arrangements. it will all be done by the time you get out...

YN: thank you... now ill see you when im done.

you left the room, you went into the bathroom with your speaker and phone setting up your music and leaving the door open a tad for no foggy mirrors when you got out.

jared however was waiting till about half way through your shower time before he would make his mark.

you set up the dark shower curtain and turned on the water, stripped off your clothes and it started. Jared counted the minutes by the song lengths.

Jared (to self): okay this is it time to man up and confess my feelings. i should lock the door first though.

as jared was locking the door, he could hear you talking to yourself in the shower.

YN (to self): okay girl get a grip, your extremely caliente hot brother is now living with you, as your roommate, you have only been saving yourself for like ever... i mean he probably would think it super weird and such if i like told him that i love him.

Jared came closer to the door and smiled as he took all his clothes off and snuck into the washroom, your voice melding with the music you didnt hear anything, you had no idea what was about to happen.

you were in the middle of rinsing your hair when your brother walked into the shower.

Jared: did you mean it?

this startled you, you didnt turn off the water, but instead hid behind the cover or as much of it as could be done with your hands/arms.

YN: what the hell jared...

Jared: did you mean what you said...

YN: what are you talking about...

Jared: a few moments ago, i was locking the apartment and i heard you tell yourself that you love me... was that true.

you had now dropped your hands from covering you...

YN: yes, i have been hiding that from you since 9th grade, when you gained all your hot muscles, when you and i were crowned as the 2 most likely candidates for the spring fling royalty that year. when we won i was amazed by how good your biceps felt beneath my hand... want me to say it, i love you more than a brother, i love you Jared...

Jared: i love you too. now i am gonna fuck you into the middle of next week. Yes I know you saved yourself, as did I.. I never gave up hope that you would one day say you love me more than a brother.

Yn: then take me and don't worry about being gentle I think we are way passed that now.

You and Jared were alot closer, before another word was spoken Jared pressed his lips to your own, you stood on your tippie toes to reach up as your brother's arms pulled your form closer to his own.

his hands now cupping your butt cheeks lifting you so your legs wrap round his hips/waist. you feel his hard cock under your pussy, you were not bothered by this, you felt like you should be but your brain, heart, and body told you that you were happy, that you were in the right hands.

Jared: im sliding in, scream for me baby!

you went to kiss him but the kiss was broken by your scream as his hard cock slid right into your pussy. stretching you out, waiting a bit for you to fit to him.

Jared: well i think this is gonna be a short movement cause im almost too hard to keep pounding into you here and now but i will go as hard as i can and unload into you fully.

You screamed moaned and felt the hard cock of your own brother inaide you. It was another 15 minutes before Jared unloaded into you.

Jared pulled out for 2 seconds, he then helped you wash your body and you washed his hair and body before both of you got out and dried off.

Jared: let me just go turn off all the lights then I'll join you in bed.

You walked into the bedroom and took a look at the mirror on the wall, your reflection looked different, yet somehow the same, similar to how you looked that morning.

but your brother walked in and came up behind you, wrapping his arms round your waist he smiled and so did you.

Jared: you looked very deep in thought when i walked in

YN: i was just thinking about how this might be viewed in the public eye...

Jared: and i dont give a flying shit hole fuck of a damn as to what the public eye thinks. ill be out in public and have dinner with you, and ill beat anyone who dares make a pass at my new girlfriend.

YN: promoted from sister to girlfriend in the span of 24 hours, im very lucky girl.

thats when your brother backed both you and him up to the bed and both of you fell backward and on bed.

Jared: your a lucky girl whose not leaving this bed till the doorbell rings for our furniture delivery tomorrow... now lean into me and lets enjoy our new life together.

Jared placed a kiss to your forehead as he felt your head nestle into the crook of his neck and your breathing became relaxed. he slid himself back into you and soo you both felt only peace.

~see you soon~

[honeybearloco]

— “...Grounded Forever.” (M)

title → “...grounded forever.” (m)

pairing → hyoeun x female reader.

synopsis → pt.2 of i know, (x)

word count → 2.8k.

warnings → SMUT !! just fingering

a/n → i honestly feel so much better. like genuinely, it feels really good to be back. i’m not semi back, IM BACK 100% this blog is my number one priority again just like it was when i first started it back !! i miss writing for this blog. i got three hyoeun so i decided to mixed them all into one.

“Hyoeun! You’re back!” You sprung up from your chair, running toward the door, jumping into the arms of Hyoeun. He let out a small laugh, wrapping his arms around your frame.

Your brother rolled his eyes, setting down his backpack across the room, “I’m back too!”

“Shut up, no one cares,” You teased. Hyoeun unraveled his arms around you, setting down his backpack on the sofa, “Sorry the tour lasted longer than we thought. It’s so good to be back. But of course, I got you a little something.”

He unzipped his backpack, pulling out a polaroid camera. You let out a small gasp, “You didn’t.”

“I saw it in a shop window and I couldn’t help but think about you, so I got it for you,” He explained, placing the camera in your hands, “(Brother’s Name) told me not to get it for you but I couldn’t help it. I hope you like it.”

“Hyoeun, I love it! Thank you so much! This will make studying abroad better! I’m going to go put it in my room. I’ll be right back and then we can talk about the tour.” You rushed to your room, placing the camera down.

Hyoeun’s eyes landed on your brother who stood in the kitchen with a glare, “You know, I’m getting really tired of this crush you have on Y/N.”

“Hey, shut up. She might hear you,” Hyoeun whispered violently.

Your brother rolled his eyes, grabbing a bottle of water as well as an apple, “You should tell her soon. She’ll be heading off to the states to study in a few days. And then it’ll be months before we get to see her again. You better confess now or she’ll find a man in the states.”

“She wouldn’t do that, right?”

“We don’t know for sure. Life happens.”

It was pretty obvious that Hyoeun had a thing for you. At first, he didn’t think anything of it. He blew it off, believing he just felt bad for you. Just a few months ago, your highschool sweetheart dumped you over text and he was there for you throughout the whole thing. You don’t know where you would be without him.

Hyoeun had always seen you as a little girl, but after that, he began to see you for the woman you had become. The strong, independent woman who didn’t need anyone. Miss Independent was what he had called you.

He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about you in more than a friendly way.

“Thanks, B/N, that’s totally what I wanted to hear.”

You made yourself known, almost skipping into the room, “What did I miss?”

“Nothing,” B/N lied, taking a gulp of his water and heading to his room down the hall. You looked to Hyoeun, “What was that about?”

“Nothing. He’s just being a dumbass. Hey, you wanna get out of here and do something. I’ve been cooped up all day getting here. Let’s go out and do something.”

“Okay! Just let me change!”

“No time for that. You look fine, let’s go, Y/N,” He reached out, taking your hand into his, pulling you out of your shared apartment with your brother. You let out a small yelp, following him nevertheless, not thinking twice.

You and Hyoeun spent several hours out on the town, doing the same old shit the two of you love to do. Go to the cinema and make fun of chick flicks, whoop his ass at air hockey at the arcade, eat street food until you were tired. And you sure did eat a lot. 

He was paying.

But you ate a little too much, upsetting your stomach. Your upset stomach growled back at you, making you whine as pain settled in. You placed your head on Hyoeun’s shoulder, “My tummy hurts.”

“That’s because you ate so much so fast. I told you to slow down but you didn’t listen to me,” He teased, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer, “And on top of that, you downed it all with soju. B/N would kill me if he found out I let you have soju.”

“I’m a big girl~!” You responded, a hmph leaving your lips, making Hyoeun smile, “Sure you are, Y/N. You’re the biggest best girl there ever was. But you’re not a woman because women don’t refer to their stomach as tummies.”

You nodded your head in protest, “This little woman does~!”

“You’re so cute,” He said softly, hoping you wouldn’t hear, but of course you had. You may have been a bit tipsy but that didn’t mean your senses weren’t working.

“Thank you,” You hiccuped.

“Alright, Little Woman. Let’s get you home.”

Some time along the way, you found yourself riding his back on the way back to your apartment. As you arrived, you noticed your brother’s car missing, “He probably went go see his girlfriend or something.”

“I was hoping he would be here to tuck you into bed,” Hyoeun admitted. 

You rested your chin on the top of his head, “You can’t tuck me into bed?”

“I’m not even allowed in your room, Y/N,” Hyoeun mentioned. 

“Yeah, when B/N’s here. But he’s not. You can chill in my room now though.”

“I don’t know,” He added. 

“It’s fine. Don’t be a pussy.”

He rolled his eyes, “Alright, alright. Fine, I’ll tuck you into bed. But you have to promise you’ll go to bed.”

“I promise.”

And that was a lie. As soon as you walked into your room, you felt ten times better, making Hyoeun sit on the edge of your bed as you walked across your room, showing him things you picked up, collected and took pictures of while he was on tour.

“You did all this while I was on tour?” He questioned. 

“Yeah. You were gone for a while. And I didn’t have a friend to talk to. I even got a tattoo. Wanna see?” 

“You got a tattoo?!”

You nodded, taking off your jacket to reveal a white tank top. You walked closer to him, showing the tattoo on your shoulder, “Some of it is covered.” You took off one of the straps to allow him to see the full tattoo. His eyes widened by your action. He gulped deeply trying to focus on your tattoo, removing any other thoughts out of his head.

The tattoo was of a rose and a crescent moon. Upon noticing your tattoo, he noticed a deep purple bruise just next to it, that looked as if it was formed just a few days prior, “Y/N, what’s that?”

“My tattoo?”

“No, what’s next to it.”

You looked down at your shoulder noticing the medium-sized bruise, “Oh it’s a bruise. I got it a couple of days ago. I think I um...I um...I ran into the door and hit shoulder first.”

“You’re lying to me. Where did you get that bruise? And if you tell me another lie so help me god, Y/N!”

Your head fell below your shoulders, unable to look him in the eyes.

“He came over to get me back.”

Hyoeun had already known who he was, “He put his hands on you?!”

“He grabbed my shoulder when I tried to walk away from him. I don’t think he meant it so I didn’t say anything. But hey, it’s okay. He’s gone and he’s never coming back. Hyoeun, I’m okay now. Hey, look at me.” You quickly picked your head up, placing both of your hands on either side of his face, making him look to you. 

You could see the anger expression in his eyes, almost angry enough to kill.

“He still put his hands on you and for that I’m going to kill him!”

You shook your head at him, placing your hands on his shoulders to sit him down, “Please don’t. Don’t do anything stupid! I know how you get, you’ll get all riled up and you won’t stop until there’s blood. You can’t go to jail! I won’t get to see you everyday when I leave to study abroad. And if you’re in jail how will I get to tell you how I feel?”

“How...how you feel?” He repeated, earning a nod from you. “I love you Hyoeun. I really do. And I know you don’t feel the same about me. I know I’m just your best friend’s baby sister and I but I―”

“I love you too, Y/N,” He interrupted.

“You...do?”

“I have since your break up. I know it was wrong of me to have these feelings for you. For one, you’re B/N’s baby sister and two, you were going through a hard time. I didn’t want to somewhat manipulate you into loving me,” He added.

“You know, this isn’t how I pictured confessing to you. I always thought it would be the day I leave. You’d chase me down in the airport, confess and then tell me you love me and then we’d kiss.”

He let out a laugh, “And then cue the 360 spinning camera. I’m sorry our confessions weren’t like a drama.”

“It’s okay, I think I like this much better,” You giggled.

He wrapped a gentle arm around your waist, pulling you into his lap. You felt your face get hot. You could feel his breath on your face. You had never been so close, “Hyoeun...”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please...I mean yes,” You corrected yourself, nervously. He leaned forward, pressing his lips against yours in a passionate kiss. You felt your body explode, butterflies had turned into large birds, their wings flapping roughly in your stomach.

You had waited for this moment and it was finally happening. You deepened the kiss, lightly pushing Hyoeun back onto your bed.

With your lips still attached, he flipped you over, allowing himself on top. He pulled away from your lips, opening his eyes staring down at your frame. Your eyes shot open, your eyes looking into his roaming eyes. You felt nervous under her eyes.

You closed your legs tightly, biting down on your bottom lip. Hyoeun looked into your eyes, “Y/N, I...I can’t. B/N will kill me.”

“Hyoeun, I’m an adult. B/N can’t control me anymore. And you shouldn’t let him control you either. We’re both adults here and I’m giving you permission, that should be the only permission you should need tonight. No one else’s.”

You sat up slightly, wanting to press your lips on his again only for him to push you back down. As your back hit the cold duvet on your bed, chills went down your spine as you gulp.

“Can I take care of you tonight?”

“But what if I want to take care of you too?”

He leaned down, pressing a sweet kiss onto the bruise on your shoulder, lightly. You closed your eyes, taking in his touch. 

“Taking care of you tonight will be enough for me. I want to show you that I really do love you and I want you to feel every inch of my love,” He whispered against your skin, before leaving a trail of sweet, passionate kisses from your bruised shoulder up to your neck.

You simply nodded your head, leaning your head to the side to allow him more access. You feel your heart race, the sound thumping sounding throughout your body. You were sure he could hear it too, as you felt him smirk against your neck.

You reached up to his shirt, tugging lightly. 

“Do you want me to take it off,” He questioned, his face still in your neck.

“Yes, please,” You answered. He removed himself from you, sitting up. He slipped his shirt off, allowing it to fall on the floor, “Don’t drool now.”

“Shut it,” You giggled, sitting up and removing your shirt and bra with ease, allowing them to fall onto the floor next to Hyoeun’s shirt, his eyes falling onto your chest.

“Hey! Don’t stare,” You blushed, covering your chest with your arms. “Hey, don’t cover your chest now. Don’t get all shy and cute. Lay down for me again.”

You did as he said, your nipples hardening. He kissed down your neck. He left hickeys and marks along the way down your chest, marking you as his. A small sigh left your lips as he continued to leave marks where no one but the two of you could see them.

Feeling accomplished, he continued to move his lips down, inching ever so slowly to your warmth.

And that’s when you had heard the front door slam shut, followed by a call of your name, “Y/N! Did you make it home yet?! Hyoeun didn’t answer his phone and I wanted to make sure you made it home!”

Your eyes shot open as you quickly jumped up, rushing toward your room door and locking it. “Y-Yeah I’m fine. I made it back a couple of hours ago! Maybe...maybe Hyoeun went to sleep or something. He sure was tired when he dropped me off,” You lied, your eyes looking back to the sin-filled eyes of Hyoeun, approaching you slowly yet seductively. 

You could already see the devilishly look in his eyes. You shook your head at him. He gently pushed you against the door.

“Hyoeun, B/N is home. Don’t try anything,” You violently whispered to him, a smirk forming on his face, “Just don’t be too loud and we have nothing to worry about. You gonna be a good girl for me? Huh?”

“Hyoeun...” You trailed off.

“Y/N, did you say something?” You heard your brother’s voice once more.

“N-N-No! I was just...talking to myself. Just a bit sleep deprived and I’m talking how stressed I’ll probably be studying in the states,” You rambled, going on and on to distract yourself and trying your hardest to make your brother believe you. 

As you rambled, Hyoeun dropped to his knees in front of you, pulling down your shorts and panties. He placed soft kisses on either of your thighs before giving your warmth a deep, long lick, interrupting you midsentence. You let out a loud gasp followed by a loud curse. Hyoeun grinned at your reaction. 

“Y/N? You okay?! Is everything okay?!” B/N asked in a panic. 

“Y-Yeah. Everything is fine. I just dropped something on the carpet. I’ll clean it.”

“You’re acting weird. Are you sure you’re okay?!”

“I-I’m fine, Y/N.”

Hyoeun wrapped his arms around your legs, making sure to hold them in place as he latched onto your clit. Your body jolted slightly, soft mewls leaving your lips. 

You slapped a hand over your mouth closing your eyes tightly to keep from moaning. Hyoeun allowed his tongue to twirl around your clit before taking it into his mouth, sucking gently. 

You uncovered your mouth, trying to keep your voice to a whisper, but your heavy breathing making it hard, “Fuck you’re so good at this. I wonder how many times you’ve done this. Is this your first time finding the clit?” You joked.

He removed himself, unraveling one of his hands to land a hard smack directly to your clit, making you let out a loud yelp followed by a whine. 

“You just wanna get caught huh?” He smirked.

“What the fuck was that?!” B/N questioned, his voice now on the other side of the door, frightening you.

“It...I was just watching a trailer for a new horror movie coming out soon. We...We....ah...we should go watch a movie soon or something before I go to the states to...ah...study,” You pant out during moans, making B/N scratch the back of his head, as he listened closely. Perhaps too close.

He could make out soft pants and shallow moans. He couldn’t believe it, “Y/N, are you...watching porn?”

“W-What? No! I...” You trailed off trying to defend yourself from the ultimate embarrassment, only for Hyoeun to slap your thigh this time. “Y-Yes. I am. I...I’m an adult and I can watch whatever I wanna...w-watch and I won’t be judged...by you! You...you....fuck...you have Playboy magazines that you fap all day to! Let me watch a...damn porno!”

B/N stood in utter shock and embarrassment for what felt like forever, Hyoeun managing to slip two fingers deep into your warmth, making you arch your back.

“I’m...gonna go to sleep. You...you have fun,” B/N finally chimed, heading to his room and shutting the door behind him. All he wanted was to forget those words even came out of your mouth, but he knew it would be forever engraved in his mind. 

Hyoeun fingered you at a rapid pace, already feeling you clenching around his fingers. Your legs were beginning to shake as your small bundle of nerves couldn’t hold in all of the pressure anymore.

You let go, one hand onto the doorknob, the other clawing at the door. Hyoeun continued to pump his fingers in and out of you, dragging your orgasm out for as long as he could, a small giggle leaving his lips, “Sorry for embarrassing you.”

“Hyoeun, I told him I was watching pornos. After this, I’m grounded forever.”

[boy-porridge-vent]

Day 1

***Trigger Warning for most of this post!*** :(

 New vent account, I just have a lot to get off my chest, not right now per-say but in general, a lot has happened and I’m not coping well.

To start off, I’ve relapsed into self harm again

Not only cutting, but nearly everything I was able to get myself to stop doing.

 * I’ve begun to cut again, it’s now to the point where it gets deeper & messier each time I have a panic attack/breakdown (whatever the difference is).

* Im scratching & biting a lot more

* Punching myself until I bruise

* Weighing myself constantly, about 3-10 times a day, it’s in secret though since the scale is kinda hidden in my basement ever since my parents took it away

* Ive begun to check calories & count them. Before this past month, Ive never done this before & now it’s almost like a nervous habit! :(

* I’ve relasped into my an*rexia urges again. I’ve been having trouble with my body image & eating since about 5th grade; not to get too personal, but my mom was & still is hard on me, always called me ugly or fat because of an early puberty that made my body change quickly in a pretty gross way. Had a lot of acne since 4th grade;;; anyways, because of all that, and finding Onision, I was obsessed with his UhOhBro channel around 5th grade & took some of his more serious videos related to starvation & self harm to mind and tried it on myself because, despite him having a stone-cold hatred for it, I was a dumb kid and didn’t listen. So yeah, 5th grade I would starve myself or eat very little; 6th grade I kinda stopped but struggled with my clothing choice/identity more; 7th grade I struggled with gender; 8th grade was when an*rexia came back, more severely than ever, but it happened in short bursts over a few months, I also started cutting but very rarely; 9th I was much more happy & settled down just a bit, really figured out who I was; 10th things weren’t exactly the best, cutting came back & began to be more frquent but not deep; 11th was the worst, I’ve now been eating very little ever since school started, first day back wasnt exactly the best & I ended up cutting again for the first time in months moments after I got home.

 A lot more has happened since then and it’s only gotten worse. I don’t know what to do anymore

I don’t mean for any of this to make anybody upset or possibly relapse/get urges themselves when reading all this, I get so sad when I see others struggling too, I always try to help any of my friends or even random people online if they post a vent. I love bein there to support & help, even help get people to come out of serious relapses! But when it comes to myself, I tend to feel no pity, like I deserve this. There’s something wrong with me in my head, this has been gong on for years, every year feels worse than before, and yet everytime Ive gone to my dad, principles, teachers, or school counselors, they never help! They tell me off, saying Im fine, I dont need a therapist because therapists are scammers, or that I just need to be more positive & get over it.

Ive been told this for years, so maybe… it’s just me who’s to blame. Im the only one who sees what’s happening because it’s not really a big deal. I just make it seem wore than it is in my head. I have friends who care & ask if Im okay, ask if they can help, but honestly they cant help. They can support & I’ll vent to them but it doesn’t fix anything, I vent but it doesn’t fix my mind or my empty stomach or my hand reaching for my same used razor. Nothing has helped and I’m worried that after a while Im going to end up killing myself, whether it’s on purpose or it happens on accident when I go too deep. I have a lot I wish to do in my life, but at the same time, with all this shit that’s happened and how my life feels as if it keeps getting worse everyday, I will admit that at this point if I DID die, I guess I wouldn’t be too upset. I am scared of what will happen after death, nobody knows what happens, but I know that I am legally an organ donor, and I do have part of my will typed up in the case that I do die suddenly one day, so I guess it isn’t too bad.

I will be honest, Ive never been exactly suicidal before, but these past 4 months I think I’ve been legitamately suicidal and ready to go whenever I have a breakdown. Everytime I relapse I think of just ending it all right then and there, but then pussy out because I think about my few friends, my followers on other social media, my pets, my plants, and other people I wish to change the lives of in the future. I want to adopt a kid someday and give them what I didn’t get, treat them as I wished to be treated, help them grow up into the person I wish I had by my side growing up. They’d be my child, I’d be their parent, but we’d also be best friends. I wanted to start my own show, my own comic, my own booth at cons, meet so many people, get married, do music, so many things

but honestly, I don’t think I’ll live much longer after my senior year of highschool. I’m planning on finishing this year out, trying to finish my senior year, graduate, then I’ll leave this Earth with a bang. Maybe literally, or maybe through some other way of suicide, I don’t know. I might even do it sometime before I graduate. Not to make people sad, not for attention and pity, but because I can’t continue on like this, and I want the people who’ve wronged me to see what they did. I want those who refused to help, even when I was in front of them screaming & begging them to get me some kind of therapy or help, to see what they caused. I want them to see that I wasn’t just some sensitive crybaby that needed to get over himself, I want them to see that mental illness can run rampant in anybody & they need to be open to helping those who really need it.

 Ive been through so much. Ive been bullied, made fun of by my own mother, neglected by her, pysically/emotionally/mentally/VERBALLY/and even sexually abused by an ex partner of mine, Ive been literally harrassed, Ive been used solely for sex by nearly every single ex of mine, Ive been manipulated/guilt tripped/gas-lighted/made to feel as if my abuse was my fault, Ive been punished by my school for being abused by my ex! Yet everyone who has ever hurt me in these ways always got away with it scott-free. Why? I have no idea. I like to say that they’re let off the hook because I don’t come to school with black eyes, broken bones, bruises, and mascara running down my face. Abuse is abuse, it doesn’t have to have visible signs. Yet, mine does. I have self harm wounds, not because I blame them for making me self harm (as one of my exes once did), but because of trauma I still deal with that stemmed from their treatment of me. I have nightmares about my ex and her treatment toward me. I get SCARED when my mom comes home. I get nervous walking into school. I hate being touhed physically because it reminds me of so many people from the past getting physical and leaving me in the dirt afterward, even when I trusted them with everything. I hate saying I love you to anybody because of how little it means when others say it to me. Many partners would send hearts & “I love you"s, then throw me out like I was garbage.

I’m so tired of it all.

But maybe it’s all my fault. Maybe Im the problem. Im too quiet. Im too much of a pacifist. I hate confrontation. I hate violence. I hate hating people. If Im hurt by someone, even being abused, I always forgive and let them back in, and I get hurt again over and over. But on the rare chance that I dont forgive, when I do hate them with every cell in me, then for some reason, I can’t get them away, I can’t get them out of my life. They’re always around as a constantly reminder of what happened and how I was used and how I will never change, I’ll never be able to stick up for myself.

 if all that is going to happen in my life involves me being used for sex, money, or compliments to make others feel higher about themselves, then I don’t want to be around anymore. But I can’t just kill myself on a whim and call it a day.

I wouldn’t exactly say this is why I self harm, my self harm isn’t a choice, it just… kind of happens. It’s an addiction; scientifically, it has been proven to have addictive tendencies, which is why it’s so hard to stop once you’ve started/relapsed. I self harm because it’s an addiction that I can’t help, and becaue of bottled up, unresolved trauma that gets worse with every new day that I keep it bottled up for.

 This isn’t going to get better. Sorry for typing out so much too. I have an issue with piling all my thoughts and how I feel into multiple huge paragraphs, so there’s much more of that to come.

Also to come, weight updates & keeping track of what I eat/how long I can go with no food whatsoever. So far I’ve gone about 1/ maybe 2??? days straight, though I stayed home today so I did have to eat dinner, which caused me to gain 1 pound. But I lost 4.5 pounds in that day of not eating, so I can lose that 1 pound pretty quickly. Plus my metabolism is very very fast, so even if I did eat a lot I’d lose all that weight in a few hours/a day or two, depending on how much I ate.

This is day 1 of my further decline.

September 01, 2019

[scatmaan]

tbh love simon has made me wanna vent but i got no one to rlly talk to so im gonna spam my trauma on tumblr lmao... i feel like i just have so much repressed shit bc i’ve never had anyone to talk to who can relate to what i went through? obviously there are other gay ppl out there who were shit on but i don’t know anyone personally so it’s like i have all this shit built up..  like, i started coming out to very close friends. i think i came out to 3 super close friends of mine in middle school. that’s all i told. but somehow me being gay ended up getting out and so the whole school knew? so... one of my best friends gossiped i suppose and outed me. which sucks to think about. i never wanted to really think too hard about who might’ve done it. bc they were my bffs lmao i didn’t want to hate any of them..  even my best friend.. who im still super close to played a really mean “prank” on me when i came out to her. ofc i did it over email bc it was back in them daaaays.. basically she wrote me back saying how i was a disgrace to my family and that they’d never love me in a very detailed and long letter. funny, right? i didn’t think so at the time and broke down. full on mental break down happening. but then she tells me, “oh i was jk lmao” like... she didn’t just fucking traumatize me. i forgave her ofc... bc i love her and i could never lose her. but idk it stills hurts even today.  and i’ve never actually told any of my friends what i went through after i was outed. just bc idk? never came up. i was always alone when kids would pass by me and whisper that i was going to burn in hell or call me a faggot. the only time one of my friends was with me was when i was full on cornered by these older kids(cliche ik but im not jk) in gym class. she ended up getting so mad on my behalf ...no surprise i crushed hard on her lmao... she was the first girl i ever rlly fell in love with. but she was straight ofc my luck. she did let me take her to the dance tho which was super nice... even if i ended up dancing with my ex.  who was actually my first gf and the source of my current ongoing anxiety about being affectionate in public. we were like a walking freak show. everyone knew about us. theyd surround us after classes trying to get us to kiss so they could take pictures... tbh as im typing all this out it sounds like a bad gay movie. and like... even the other very out lesbian at the time hated my ass. she thought i was a fake for some reason dont ask me fuckin why..  it didn’t even stop in middle school. that shit just followed me into highschool. making it fuckin impossible for me to have a decent relationship. i dated this one girl who was just so confident and self assured... she had such a loving and accepting family.. and she wanted me to be more than i could be. she wanted me to go farther and out myself to my family.. make our relationship way more public than just highschool public. and i couldnt do it. she was too touchy and i felt like everyone had their eyes on us even if they didn’t..  people i didnt fucking know came up to me and told me my friends were cheating on me with other girls.... this part isnt rlly sad its just wild af. i always held my friends hands so obviously that meant i was dating them i suppose?? lmao that shit was just too much. total fuckin strangers telling me my friends were cheating on me... liiiiike who tf are you??  ofc there were the dickheads too who would shove their fingers in my face and ask me to sniff as if theyd actually had gotten any pussy.. tbh highschool was much lighter when it came to bullying. it was a godsend compared to middle school lmao.  tbh the worst part of the movie was the home life. simon being able to come back to a quiet loving home.. and i put en faces on the quiet part.. when i came home i came home to screaming, yelling, cussing, slamming doors to the point they fell off the hinges, punching through doors, threats, and knifes being pulled on each other. my parents called the cops several times on my one brother. it just came from all sides. no one was fucking peaceful in my family. all i ever did was hide in my room with my dog cause even she was too scared to go outside.  that didnt have anything to do with me being gay but.... its another repressed thing so lmao. im pr sure it mixes in with my inability to be able to express my emotions with people. i just bottle everything up and keep quiet bc there was never any room for me to be angry. i always had to be the mediator. even now as an adult when my parents finally have split up i had to play the nice one between the two. i had to keep the peace even as my mom screamed at me and made me cry and refused to apologize for how she treated me... i had to play nice with her bc no one else in my family could act like an adult. this ended up being way longer than intended and tbh i dont expect yall to read this bullshit but it felt nice writing it all out. again i dont have anyone to talk to who can rlly relate to this shit so lmao. even my own gf doesnt seem to rlly get it or want to talk abt it so i just was feeling so pent up and emotional. i had to let it out somewhere. 

[twowivestwoknives]

odd numbers

lmao thanks for treating me

1- are you more emo, scene or punk?

born and raised emo but definitely a strong punk influence. 0 scene tho.

3 - new years resolutions?

get dykier and more emo

5 - Favourite song?

at the moment? fuck uhhhhh july was mundane by lady lamb or joyriding by frank iero

7 - favourite album?

the black parade by mcr, pity boy by mal blum, and even in the tremor by lady lamb

9 - do you own any band merch? if so what and from who?

yeah i have a fuckton: 3 mcr shirts 2 mcr hoodies 2 mcr patches (one home made) an mcr keyfob, mcr poster, mcr calander, 2 paramore shirts, one paramore patch (homemade), 2 mal blum shirts, 1 lady lamb shirt 1 lady lamb patch, 1 one direction shirt, 1 frank iero and the future violents shirts, one harry styles shirt, one mitski sweatshirt, one shania twain shirt, uhhhh probably more im blanking. i get merch at every concert i go to if i like the merch which i usually do

11 - have you got dyed hair?

not anymore but i had like 18-20 different colours from ages 19-21

13 - crush on any band member?

any boy who looks like a dyke and any dyke who looks like a dyke. so yes (the boy crushses are facetious, but what i wouldnt give to look like em)

15 - are you into the Used?

i really can’t stand Bert’s voice but I’ll fuck with a few songs sure

17 - can you play any instruments?

im a vocalist and can play piano, tryna teach myself guitar

19 - do you think 21 pilots is emo?

lmfao fuck no

21 - do you wear any makeup?

not anymore, though i’ll rock the occasional guyliner if im going out. can still do a mean winged liner tho

23 - got any band posters? what bands?

i just have a framed MCR poster from TBP

25 - opinion on all time low? pierce the veil? sleeping with sirens?

i’ve never really listened to them but i gather they’re very poppunk, so like emo’s kid sibling and im here to support

27 - fave magical/mythical creature?

vampires but like make them gothic and demonish and lesbian u kno?

29 - do you like any newer emo/scene/punk bands? if so who?

oh yeah the Nova Twins are amazing, Ecca Vandal, Mannequin Pussy, PVRIS, Summer Cannibals to name a few, Rico Nasty is good punk adjacent rap too if thats ur steez

31 - Are you into MSI?

a few songs from when i was a kid and a single new song but that jimmy urine that is a white band that uses the n word and calls it satire so u know i stole every one of their 4 songs i own. fucking racist asses.

33 - Are you mostly into the emo trio/quartet or do you listen to more?

i mean i got into Panic and FOB in highschool, MCR and Paramore were my middle school rebirth, and also Billy Talent cuz im canadian and tbh? underrated af they kick ass. I listened to a lot of metal adjacent emo too, The Vincent Black Shadow, Flyleaf, Three Days Grace, The Pretty Reckless, Linkin Park, Sixx AM The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I also had a huge Tokio Hotel phase so i also got into some german emo like Silbermond and Killerpilze. There’s probably more I’m missing but I can’t recall at the moment.

35 - Are you into Bring Me The Horizen?

nah they’re a little after my time.

37 - Any IRL emo/scene/punk friends?

Oh yeah, both ex emos and currents. My friends Lainey and Nodi are both emo af, I’m friends with a fuckton of punks, goths, ect. I’m pretty much the only emo-primary person who’s still Actively Emo in my crew, but I’m friends with punks and dykes these days. Oh also this 17 yr old whos kinda like my kid brother is Big Emo Energy i couldnt be prouder

39 - Favourite colours and colour schemes?

red/black/dark purple type shit. Though i have been known to wear yellows, mustards, and olives.

41 - Parade or Revenge?

Parade Raised Me but Revenge feels more like home these days. Still would have to say Parade

[artificialqueens]

I'll kiss it better

Hi! This is the first fanfiction ive ever written, so hope its not that bad! Its a trixya highschool au where they’re both girls. The whole story will be Trixie’s POV :) also im from Norway so my English is not the best so sorry if there is alot of misstakes :(( hope you enjoy this anyway !

It was just a regular day, nothing new. The day had started with trixie aplying her barbie makeup, putting on one of her too many pink outfits, having classes that she was focused in, meeting her friends Violet and Pearl and eating gross food in the cafeteria. All tho, a day wouldnt be normal without spending her luch staring across the room at the popular’s table. Not that she cared that they were popular, but she did care that the most beautiful girl she had ever layed eyes on was on of them.

“Trixie! Omg can you stop looking at Katya and focus on me for a few minutes??” Violet said frowning at Trixie that clearly had spaced out in the middle of Violets monologs about herself.

“Wait what did you say?” Trixie looked back at Pearl and Violet who were both looking at her, Violet rolling her eyes as usual.

“If you wasnt so focused on ms. I let the whole school bang me, you would have heard that i was talking about what im going to wear for my next model job next week.” Violet said looking back at Pearl who gave her a sympathetic look, knowing how much Violet became annoyed when people didnt listen to her.

“Im sorryyyy. Its just that-”

“Yes yes Katya is beautiful, katya is amazing and Katya is the best creature that has ever lived, we know.” Violet said looking more upset.

“But i mean she may be-”

“No Trixie. She is not a lesbian. She has sucked off half of the football team, also, i dont even get why a slut like her would be popular.” She said crossing her arms like a kid throwing a tantrum.

Trixie hated how much Violet disliked Katya. It was obvious that she was jealous of her populaity, but no one ever said anything. Pearl was too busy loving Violet and supporting everything she said, and Max who usually sat with them, was too shy to say somthing unless it was about something being too vulgar for her. Trixie usually ignored her and focused back at Katya, but calling her a slut was not ok.

“Just because she likes dick doesnt mean she is a slut.” Trixie said trying to defend Katya like she had been her best friend since kindergarten.

“Trixie omg you just said it yourself, she likes dicks not pussy so get over it already.”

The bell rang before Trixie got to say anything else, so she ended up just rolling her eyes and got out of the cafeteria as fast as she could.

The next class was maths, and even tho Trixie liked to focus on her school work, she couldnt help but think about what Violet had said. Its not like she belived it herself that Katya was a lesbian or a bisexual, but thinking she was straight was way too negative. The sadest part was probably the fact that Katya didnt even know who Trixie was, even after soon 3 years in high school. Not that Trixie had noticed Katya before the start of the 3rd year either, but it sucked having a crush on someone who had abselutely no idea that you existed.

-

It was a week later, and Trixie was sitting in the cafeteria again, listening to Violet talk about how her photoshoot had gone yesterday. Today Max sat beside her on their table and listened with full enthusiasm while she was talking. She heard something about the photographer being a pervert and Pearl getting upset over this and Max wanting to call the police, but honestly right now she couldnt care less, cause Katya was wearing shorts for the first time since fall and her ass looked so great in them. Not to mention her hair being tied up in a long curly ponytail and a black crop top with some sort of cigarette print on it, to be honest it was hard to say with Katya being on the other side of the room, but at least she got to stare at her from behind, which might have been the greatest part of her week. She started thinking about how it would be to actually talk with her, she always laughed loud and had the biggest and most happy smile she had ever seen, so she could probably do it if she went for it. Pffth like she was ever gonna be brave enough to even say hi to her in the hall, at least not with her bitch committee following her.

“Are you staring at that girl again?” Asked Max looking at her with a hopeless look. Max was the one she had known the logest and probably the most supportive of the group, but it didnt mean she helped alot in her crush situation.

“No no, i was just, um thinking about the math test next week, thats all.” Trixie said with a half smile and got her focus away from Katya.

“You need to get yourself together and say hi soon. You cant just stare at her for two years without even trying.” It was the most suportive comment she had gotten out of any of them forever and she was happy with Max trying to help her. Not that it was helping but at least it wasnt Violet saying focus on me and not that slut.

“But she doesnt even know i exist…” She sight and got up ready to get to her next class.

“Try a hi anyways, unless you dont want her to know that you exist.” Pearl said as they walked on their way to their different classes.

Trixie was daydreaming on her way to her class, thinking about all sort of things, till she was half way up the stairs. She felt someone behind her lifting up her skirt. At that moment she was so unconfortable and upset that she turned around, ready to punch the pervert who was trying to take a peek at her panties. There was a bunch of people, both boys and girls standing behind her giggling and wispering to each other, but at the very front, right in front of her was Katya. She was trying not to burst into laughter while her friends around her was laughing their asses of.

Trixie felt her cheeks heat up and she turned around and ran up the stairs almost tripping, but made it into on of the bathroom stalls. She felt tears running down her cheeks as she thought about the most embarrassing thing ever happening to her comming true. There she was having this great idea that Katya was this amazing person who everyone liked because she was funny and warm hearted. She was wrong, she was just another part of the whole mean girls group. She couldnt belive why anyone, at least not her, would do that to her for no reason other than a laugh. She was angry at her, and most of all herself for letting herself having a crush on her for so long when in reality she was just this cold hearted bitch.

-

That night was filled with ice cream and her three friend spening their time talking about how much of a bitch the mean girls are and why Trixie shouldnt blame herself for wearing short skirts.

“She was probably just tring to act cool in front of the guys. Not that im taking her side, but maybe its more to the story?” Pearl said trying to find out why she would do that.

“I mean i already said she was a filthy slu-”

“Language Violet.” Max interrupted.

“Omg shut up. I already said she was an attention seeking bitch.” Violet said looking back at Max to see if he was alright with her saying bitch, Max gave her a look of approval.

“I know you did, b-but i still dont get why i could have a cursh on her when she was this kind of person all along..” She tried holding back herself from tearing up again.

“You didnt know sweetheart, its not your fault.” Max said and gave her another hug.

“Look tomorrow you’re gonna go over to her with confidence and tell her to fuck off ok?” Violet said and looked at the other people shaking their heads.

“No thats just being imature Violet, let her ignore her if she wants to, maybe its just better to forget the whole situation.” Max said, but Trixie didnt really listen anymore, she as tired from crying the whole night and wanted nothing more than to forget this day and most of all, forget Katya.