#im trying to build up prints to sell :)

[wittyworm]

so i joined as an associate or representative for PPLSI or prepaid legal.

figured id give it a shot since i am using their services to kickstart my business.

currently in the process of building a website/ store for people to purchase prints, and hopefully, eventually shirts and other kinds of things.

next step is to also set up my traveling bike repair business, as well, and to also save up for the used van im trying to get +repairs it will need.

my coworker said one of his clients in Kissimmee, was giving away 6 free bikes. hes bringing them all to me in the next few weeks so i can refurbish and sell them to jumpstart this business.

everything is CRAZY right now but its gotta be hard before it gets easy.

[pompoouri]

If you did prints of your pentiment art I would totally buy copies tbh. I don't know any like, art words but I love the colors and how like, I swear I can imagine some parts being like gilded gold. I know this is out of the blue, I just wanted to say I really like your art.

I am planning to sell prints ! rn im trying to find a way to build interest, but also making more paintings, i promise i'll set it up ! also thank youuu !!! ive been getting so good with colors lately so im so happy seeing you guys enjoy it fgshdjfhs

[bbbeowulf]

YIPPEE I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GREAT HOLIDAY SEASON AND HAS A HAPPY NEW YEARRRRR!!!!

I have a lot of art resolutions that I wanna get through this year so I figured I would share them with all of you… VIA BINGO CARD!!

Bingo card inspired by AlmaKRowan on Twitter/X!!

List and explanations below the cut!!

Architecture: I want to learn how to draw buildings, rooms, etc.!!

Adopts: I want to make adopts!!

KOI character refs: Reference sheets for the characters in my story “Knights of Irene”!!

ArtFight: I’m gonna aim for 20 attacks/revenges, but we’ll see!!

GraVT piece: a group picture of the indie VTuber group I’m in, GraVT!!

Animated Illustration: I’VE BEEN WANTING TO DO THIS FOR YEARS MY TIME IS NOW

Animal studies: learn how to draw animals better

PNGtuber+ comm: I made one for myself (see it HERE) but I want someone to commission me for one >:,(

VTuber redesign: potentially maybe redesign my VTuber (even tho I literally just killed myself making the PNG+ model but WHATEVER IM ON DRUGS IG)

Leo TOTIKFR animatic: animatic for my OC Leo to the song “The Only Thing I Know For Real” by Tyson Yen

Digital painting: IVE BEEN WANTING TO LEARN HOW TO DIGITALLY PAINT/RENDER BUT I CANNOT WRAP MY HEAD AROUND IT BUT I WANNA TRYYY

Holiday YCH: YCH comms for major holidays!!

Snow Fairy MAP: I have a part in @jurygarroth’s Snow Fairy MAP so I need to get that done :D

Art Prints: I WANNA SELL ART PRINTS RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Bug studies: I wanna learn how to draw bugs :3c

OC sticker sheets: I wanna make (AND SELL) sticker sheets of my OCs (and maybe other fandom characters like MLP and stuff!! We’ll see.)

RP movie posters: movie poster style illustrations of my active role plays!!

DTIYS: I WANNA MAKE ONE AND PEOPLE PARTICIPATE PLZZZZ 😭😭 JUST ONE PERSON PLZ I BEG

Emotes: re-do my twitch/discord emotes

Sell canvases @ gallery: I have an art gallery in my town that I wanna apply for and sell some irl artwork!!

YCH comms: more YCH comms!!

Lobelia lore animatic: lore animatic for my VTuber

Pose studies: learn how to draw poses better

KOI cover: book cover for “Knights of Irene”

Abaddon Webcomic: this is a HARD maybe, but I’ve tried to make this webcomic happen 2 or 3 different times and I always got sick and tired of it before I got ANYWHERE with it. I think if I take it in more of a mini comic approach like Shen or Merryweather!!

There are a few more ideas I had that I didn’t put on my bingo!!

Leo’s Final Form: conceptualize Leo’s final form and draw the finalized version

Backgrounds: get better at drawing backgrounds

Foliage: get better at drawing foliage

Color Theory: learn color theory

Interesting shading: play around with colors and shade with different colors perhaps to make it pop?

Aphmau art: draw more Aphmau art

KOI: Finish planning out KOI and potentially start writing it? It’s not art in the sense of it being written not drawn but whatever I wanna do this

Commissions: keep doing commissions! I wanna try to do at least 20 this year 👉👈

Art trades: do some art trades with people outside of ArtFight!!

Art raffle: do an art raffle 🧍

Draw my FRIENDSSS: I WANNA DRAW MY FRIENDS WAHHHHHHHHHH

GET HIRED BY YORUNOMACHI: *on my hands and knees sobbing, begging, throwing up*

Do Aphtober/Cringetober/some form of tober AND FINISH: I doubt I’ll finish lmfao

Make OC profiles on UnVale: it’s like toyhouse but it doesn’t make me want to kms when using it

Learn VTuber Rigging: I just wanna know how to do it :3

Anyways I’m sure there’s more but this is just a list of everything I can think of off the top of my head! A week from now I might decide to not do any of this LMFAO! But we’ll see how much I actually do this year!! Yippee!!

Happy new year everyone!!

[boosqoowoo]

beenzino - lemon (english lyrics translation)

In this song, Beenzino talks about his loneliness. He wants to leave the country and feels like he has no one. He alludes himself to a lemon, and life to a lemonade where it is both sweet and sour. He mentioned that he feel his lemon peels molding, and wants God to make lemonade by squeezing him tight. Using the metaphor, he feels like he is currently at a standstill and wants God to give him life.

The lyrics mentions feeling like lemonade in a glass cup, with fingerprints like mazes on the outside. Beenzino feels trapped, unable to escape (just like the lemonade in the glass and being stuck in a maze of fingerprints), with everyone's eyes on him (represented by the fingerprints on the cup). On top of this, he feels that his lemonade (his life) is unappetising and can't be shared. This is especially so in winter, where his depression is extra hard on him simultaneously getting sick from the cold. As the icicle grows, so does his victim mentality. And yet, he still tells the mirror in front of him, that he's ok.

뭐 있어? 여기 차 말고

what's there? besides the cars here

하늘은 하나도 안 맑어

the sky isn't clear at all

떠나버릴까 봐 나 다른 나라로

i guess i'll leave for another country

근데 다른 나란 뭐 다를까 다 까봐야 알아

but i have to be in that country to know what's different there

말도 안 걸어 이제 나한��

they don't even talk to me anymore these days

친구들에겐 난 바쁜 연예인

to my friends, i'm a busy celebrity

사람들에겐 그저 신기한 오브제

to people, i'm just an interesting object

폰에 박제되고 나면 나 끝인데

if my phone is full, i'm done for

*probably insinuating if there ever is a day his phone blows up, it would be probably because many people are contacting him due to a scandal that came up, and his career would be jeopardised

어느새 내 껍질은 썩어 곰팡이가 피네

the next thing i know, my skin is rotting with mold growing

우주인 줄 알았던 내 ego는

my ego, which i thought was the universe

그저 과일, 음악은 내 신음

it's just fruit, music is my moaning

신의 손에 난 레몬

i'm a lemon in God's hands

눈이 튀어나오게 날 꽉 쥐어

hold me tight till my eyes pop out*

*asking God to squeeze him like a lemon

내 인생은 레모네이드 sweet and sour

my life is like lemonade, sweet and sour

얼음 넣어 마셔

add ice and drink

what do you see through the glass?

유리컵엔 노랑 회색

the yellowish-gray tint of the glass cup

대각선 관통한 빨대들은 플라스틱

the diagonally pierced straws are plastic

they suck it up

구석구석 흔들어대며

waving from corner to corner*

*the movement of the straw sucking up from one side of a cup to the other

마지막 방울 위해 잔을 기울여

tilt the glass for the last drop

*insinuating people trying to suck his soul dry for the juice

이런 왜 이런 게 공감 돼

why can i relate to this?

저 주스처럼 낮은 자존감 높낮이

my self-esteem is as low as that juice

be cool be cool

get cold as ice

cold as ice

*chorus*

얼음 든 내 컵

my cup of ice

레몬 물에 성에 껴

frosted stuck in lemon water

잔엔 fingerprint

the fingerprint on the cup

지문같이 완전 미로

the fingerprint is like a maze

i feel so lost

헤 mazing

(uh-mazing) *sounds like amazing

What the I'm ok

난 레몬

im lemon

I'm ok

앞에는 거울

the mirror in front of me

*chorus repeats*

얼음 든 내 컵

레몬 물에 성에 껴

잔엔 finger print

지문같이 완전 미로

I feel so lost

헤 mazing

What the I'm ok

난 레몬

I'm ok

앞에는 거울

내 손에 따듯한 티

a warm tea in my hand

눈물을 그란데로 마셔보니

after drinking my tears from a Grande*

*a size of drink offered in coffee shops

**he is a lemon, so his tears is referring to lemonade

맛없어 못 팔아

it's unappetising, i can't sell it

fucking salty 결국 못 나눴지

it's fucking salty, i couldn't share it in the end

혼자 염전에서 목마른 채 걷지

i stagger alone on the salt field, feeling parched

술도 못 마셔 샷 잔 위 레몬 옆

i cant even drink the alcohol in the shot glass, next to the lemon

소금에 넋 놓고 공감대 형성

let go of the salt and build consensus

*this is a pun on the word salt, where salt can refer to the literal salt or the feeling of being salty, jealous of someone/something. he wants to stop being salty and build consensus with the person. by feeling salty he is alone, and he wants to stop it (as mentioned in the previous lyric about staggering alone on the salt field)

어림도 없이 눈만 높았었던

without a doubt, only my eyes were high

내 현실은 부엌에 스툴만한 lemon tree

my reality is a lemon tree the size of a stool in the kitchen

*at the end of the day, his life (lemon tree) is as insignificant as a stool in a kitchen is

"isolation is not good for you"

but isolation is 흙 (soil) for me*

*he is a lemon tree, and isolation is soil for him, which means he needs isolation to grow and prosper

난 묻혔지 우울증이 이불인 듯

im buried in depression like a blanket

이 컵이 아니라 정원이었으면 해

i don't want this cup, i want a garden

*he wants to grow in a garden, not being restricted in this cup

비를 맞은 피해의식이 열매처럼

victim mentality hit by rain is like a fruit*

*the victim mentality sprouting like a fruit, growing with rain

주렁주렁 주렁주렁

growing growing

겨울엔 더 특히

especially more in winter

온몸이 콜록

my whole body is coughing

온몸이 cold

my whole body is cold

눈물이 go low

my tears go low

고드름 go low

icicle go low

온몸이 콜록

my whole body is coughing

고드름 grow low

icicle grow low

Be cool but I'm so

콜록

cough

*chorus repeats*

얼음 든 내 컵

레몬 물에 성에 껴

잔엔 finger print

지문같이 완전 미로

I feel so lost

헤 mazing

What the I'm ok

난 레몬

I'm ok

앞에는 거울

[diazbrowning59]

Top Four Marketing Tips For Building A Plumber Practice

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[reincarnatedumakalisaanvi]

Work Experience

I'm not funded from Colombians, my money is printed

Hello, 

How would i be homeless and unable to get a job? I've worked at numerous places and been working 16 years old 

1) teaneck Montessori day care from sophomore year in high school until senior year 

             -certified CPR in infants/toddlers/adults

2) dress barn in union nj while attending kean 

3) Express out let Jersey Gardens while doing school work at Kean 

4)Sojo Spa (they fired me because of my hair when i was in my domestic violence relationship with persaudvi@kean.edu and i took a day off)

5) Ywca Ridgewood NJ and with 

 elementary school children (got up at 5am in the morning everyday) 

           -certified in CPR and First Aid for infants/toddlers/and adults 

6) American women swim an fitnes (doing data entry for Mrs. Sun, swim appointments on a Mac computer getting up to open the gym every morning at 5am)

7) Robert half temp agency 

            -brookaire (data entry, office work, receptionist using excel) (robert half in saddle brooke nj)

            -david yurman (packaging and shipping)

8) kearny reimbursement center (selling solar door to door) Kearny nj 

9)brio energy (Columbia SC where i walked door to door selling solar energy while a month pregnant) 

10) Zoes kitchen (they made me take dirty plates and take people garbage, the staff stole $10 from me and then got me fired me for getting mad)  

11)Lake Murray Montessori (i worked with toddlers and pre k) 

           -recertified in CPR   

12)Robert Half temp agency

            -Arcutechutrial building 

13) then i got pregnant and i didn't work for about 2 years 

14) Pop shelf (while i was going to school online at snhu and complete online cousin in a week and a half i recieved reimbursement of 1000 and popshelf was a weekly paying job, i was saving to mice out and they fired me for a $5 umbrella and i speculate cardi b made my parents make me use my money at a hotel room so i wouldn't have money and be forced to do a threesome and prostitute myself

15)McCall Farms with Ayrton Vaughan when i lived in Lynchburg Sc and i was the cleaning lady. 

I've been working since 16 and applying to jobs in indeed where they refuse to find be a proper job. Im 27 years old, my is Tiara Brown 

Alias Saanvi Devi 

And I'm lying to Police like saying Chiti Singh and ECT because they keep trying to arrest me, because cardi b threatened my parents with getting me to mental health where they injected me with risperidone and as well as invega sustenna which messed up my heart. I SPECULATE the elite or micro chips in me to control my body. And cardi b and Beyonce used military to threaten my parents to get me into mental health so they could keep me away from MEN, to stop me from having babies, i wanted to be pregnant again as soon as my son Kyre Mason Brown started walking. As well as they had their connect Kayla Instagram kayla_ . Rodriguez Snapchat Kaylalisa_xo impersonate me while trying to kill me off and had my social security number stolen at a child support hearing that i never received child support and was brainwashed into being homosexual (WHICH DIDN'T WORK) and liking KAYLA WHICH DIDN'T WITH EITHER. 

My social is 143-98-6651 and you can verify all these places that I've worked. Police are trying to get me arrested so they can give be song away and prevent me from becoming a celebrity, and my lawyer in jail will be associated with Columbia SC and i will be treated unfairly. 

Why am i being offered jobs like Starbucks subway ?

[avery18fulton]

Be Your Own Boss, Start A Home Business

Having a home business has a lot of benefits, but there are also some disadvantages. It's difficult to get any work done when family, friends, and neighbors don't understand that you are working because you're at home. Young children need to be taken care of and it's not possible to run a business effectively while taking proper care of children. To make sure your customers are happy, go that extra mile for them. Give how to start an llc when they buy something, or even offer them discounts on their next purchase. When you provide free incentives and gifts to your customers, they will love it. You need to show your customers that you value them and their patronage. When beginning any home business, it is important to get your name out there on the market. One big way to do this is by giving away free products or samples, or coupons for discounts. Getting the customer to try your product and service is key to building a customer base and to making your business a household name. Before attempting to sell something, make sure you have a basic understanding of what the price range should be for the product in the market today. Try to compete with your competition in terms of pricing. Do not put other companies down. Make yourself look good instead. Have the proper equipment to run your business. Equipment that is related to your business like a computer or printer is tax deductible in the year that the expense occurred. To qualify for a tax write off the equipment must be primarily used by the business and necessary for your business to run properly. Study your competition carefully. Understand their pricing and know where you fit in. Never say negative things about your competition. Have your ever noticed that malls are full of clothing stores that all manage to keep doing business? Competition brings out the best in different businesses and every business has its own unique nuances that draw different customers. Talk up your own business, your products' features, and how they benefit your customers. Don't start a home business on a topic that you know nothing or very little about. Running a company is not the proper time to start learning about that industry. You should have an intimate knowledge of the subject before you even think about taking out a loan or investing your own money. Make sure your home business web site looks professional and is designed with the user in mind. While there are numerous options to build your own site for little or no cost, often investing a little in a clean and professional design pays off quickly. Visitors are more likely to return again or recommend your site if it is easy to use and appealing. Find a local group focused on home business ownership. Join that group and participate in its activities. This gives you a network of contacts outside the home to interact with, plus a pool of potential contacts or resources if you need advice or support. Often these groups feature speakers or events built around home business considerations. So, the time investment is well worth it! Set a work schedule. If you don't set office hours, you'll work all day and night. It is important that you have time for your family and yourself, just like if you had a traditional job. Your social life will still be intact at the end of the week this way. Make sure that you schedule regular working hours for your business. Home business owners sometimes become unmotivated when they are not confronted with steady deadlines. Making business hours means that you can give yourself a reliable time frame to build your business daily. It also gives your customers reliable hours to contact you between. Have a large amount of fliers or brochures made up to promote your new venture. There are many stores that offer volume copying and printing for reasonable sums, usually under 40 dollars. Paste your new fliers up around town and send out a mailing to people in your area to get the word out about your business. It is extremely important to set up specific space and time to work. When you are interrupted, you must maintain those work-at- home boundaries. With small children, child care is required as if you were not home. As the owner, you don't have any benefits. Sick days, vacations, and paid holidays are a thing of the past.

[kalopses-sonderes]

hyper anon here....can't help but wonder...what if pv decides to investigate investigate with lilac and finds the shopkeep and learns from the shopkeep that they actually found the duck very close to the area where they first well brought baker or baked baker or idk what hyper baker's origin story is...possible future idea for where bakers come from...anyway the shop keeper found the items near baker was well...brought in/created or idk and thought they'd look nice in the shop...and the two items they found and had decided to sell was that lilac rubber duck...and a vanilla duck themed scarf! Lol...got idea from the fact that some cookies had their own unique items like vanilla's staff and lilac's weapons and thought...why wouldn't baker have something like that? Lmao!

(Bonus...what if someone bought the scarf but the shopkeeper forgot who they sold it to...)

I took your request and made a spin on it💃🏽 “You sure this is the shop?” Pure Vanilla questioned.

Pure Vanilla and Lilac were looking for the shop Lilac got the duck at. Theres something special about that duck and they’re getting to the bottom of it.

“Yes, you’ve asked this many times. Now lets go inside.”

“Welcome, can I help you find something?” Said from the intercom. It was clearly prerecord.

“Where are you?” Pure vanilla was looking around to find the mysterious voice.

“Hm, liac? You bought the duck correct?” Now this wasn’t prerecorded. The cookie on the intercom completely ignored Pure Vanilla.

“Yes.” Lilac was suspicious, but didnt say anything about it.

“Go through the door behind the desk, we need to talk about the duck.”

Lilac gripped his weapons and walked to door, Pure Vanilla followed.

As they opened the door the inside was metal, the actual store had light yellow painted walls. They walked down the stairs, being very alert. When they got to the bottom they see a machines, making ducks? There was a desk and many computers, most likely hooked to the cameras and intercoms.

“Whats all this and who even are you?” Pure Vanilla asked.

“Im not important right now, ive been making ducks the exact way the one baker is hooked too. Ive traveled around for things that might cause it, but I cant find it.” The cookie said.

the cookie had a cloak covering their body, a black metal mask hiding their face, black gloves and a neck cover hiding all parts of their body that could be visible, and had curly hair. Lilac even more suspicious, he somehow doesn’t remember what the shopkeeper even looked like.

“Who are you..” Lilac got closer trying to pull the cloak off.

“Again, not important..” The cookies moves out the way. The cookie then walks by him to one of the machines.

“Why are you trying to make a replica of the duck?” Pure vanilla follows them.

“I dont care the replica of duck, im trying to find the thing that baker is attached too. You see-” the cookie tapped the screen on the machine. “-The cookies of darkness are doing the same thing. They are trying to trap baker-” the cookie walked to the desk and computers and turned them on. “- you see that? Thats how man test theyve run to find it.”

on the screens it showed 100s of test the cookies of darkness did and the results. They too are trying to find the answer.

“but lucky for us, I found it-”

“Perfect! We just need to-” Pure vanilla interrupted them, just to be hit in the mouth by lilac to shut him up.

“-Its not in duck form.” The cookie took a key from a mysterious place on the dark cloak and placed it in the key hole of the desk.

The cookie pulled a scarf out of the drawer. The scarf had duck prints on it.

“um.. how does it work?” Pure vanilla asked.

they all started to walk to the door. They walked to the main part of the building and walked to the exit.

“here. If you wear it, you are able to know where baker is at all times.”

“But how-“ Lilac was interrupted by the cookie by them closing the door and the lights turning off.

“Should we test it?”

“I guess, i’ll go first.”

[wheresernie]

Hi, Mason here! My original account was @moderatefallrisk​ but tumblr wouldnt send me the link to get back to the account so i had to remake. I also ran @schizocassandraoftroy​, which i am now locked out of. im a disabled severely mentally ill and neurodivergent trans guy whos had a really rough past months.

On september 2 they found out my testosterone injections were causing me health problems, after four E.R trips in august. Just when things were getting better i had my third psychotic break, due to my schizoaffective disorder, which had been building for months and i failed to notice/take it seriously. I was hospitalized for over two weeks and then sent to residential for a month. during this visit it was revealed my schizoaffective is medicine resistant. 

I’m doing better now but even though I had an emergency, bills have not stopped. I’m having to reduce my hours at starbucks due to PHP i have to attend and in hopes of not triggering any relapse. however, that means im not  making enough money for the bills coming in. i have less than $50 in my account and bills are $300 each ER visit, plus the hospital stay where im unsure how much we’ll have to pay out of pocket, not to mention being able to afford groceries and gas

I’m opening commissions for a reduced rate, as well as selling prints and paintings at a reduced rate. Below the cut are examples of my art and my commissions/store information. I’m gonna try to raise at least 1600. I know thats a lot but thatd cover the 4 ER bills and one month of rent. I may increase the goal when i figure out how much we owe for hospitalization. Message me to see receipts and if you want proof of this

Finally, if you just want to donate you can send it to 

paypal: albeecreates (https://www.paypal.me/albeecreates)

kofi: schizocassandraoftroy

tysm! Please boost if you can

I’m mainly a horror painter but I’m opening commissions for anything sfw. It’s $5 cleaned up sketch/two color sketch with colored pencils

$10 colored sketch

$15 colored painting

You can reach out to me here or on discord at DissociatedDisaster #5383. I also have a redbubble (albeecreates) if youd prefer going down that road. 

Thank you so much again!

[vintagedolan]

lucid locations (gbd)

while one full year of wakeheart and an impending candle launch are definitely moments to celebrate, you might just have another plan for the ceo’s attention

word count: 7.5k

warnings/tags: ceo!grayson, lots of smut, 🥵  is all im sayin

feel free to send in requests! and check out my masterlist if you wanna :)

Between construction at the house, the warm California summer and an inviting pool right in the backyard, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d had on more than a bikini top, running shorts and one of Grayson’s shirts. He was the same - mostly running around shirtless in his shorter shorts, maybe throwing on a tank top if he was building. When you’d packed up to take haven from the construction dust and noise, headed for a rental house in Malibu, you’d had to convince him he needed to pack more than his new speedos. 

Needless to say, getting cleaned up and ready for a black tie event was quite the shift from your usual day to day. The makeup you were swiping on felt almost foreign, especially the lipstick. But the hand that made it’s way onto your bare back was all too familiar. You relaxed into it, smiling at Grayson in the mirror. 

“God damn.”

“Stop it,” you rolled your eyes, closing them when he leaned over to press a kiss to your shoulder.

“You look so good,” he hummed. “But can you look good 6 inches to the right? I gotta clean up my beard.” Your eyes went wide, lip jutting out as you moved over, opening up the spot in front of the sink. 

“Don’t shave it.” You blurted, making him laugh.

“Don’t worry baby, I’m just cleaning up the edges. The scruff stays.”

“Good, it makes you look very... ceo-ey,” you grinned, reaching over to run a finger over his jaw, feeling the coarse hair there that you loved so much.

“What, I don’t look ceo-ey with a baby face? Not even in this fit?” He gestured down to himself in his speedo, striking a bit of a pose.

“King of business. Steve Jobs is quaking. The bulge really sells the whole look,” you teased, scrunching up your nose. He belly laughed at that, a hand moving to his chest as if to brace himself until he moved forward to you, spinning you around a bit so he could press his nose to yours.

“Can’t blame me when you insist on getting ready in a bra and tiny shorts,” he mumbled with a grin, fingers ghosting up your bare sides as if to reiterate his point. 

“I’m enjoying the ethan-has-his-own-bathroom perks of this house, sue me.” His lips brushed against yours just barely as you spoke, so light that it almost tickled. 

“I’m enjoying it too.” He pressed a kiss to your lips gently, a small one. 

“Don’t smear my lipstick bub,” you cautioned nicely, wrapping your arms around his neck. He sighed at that, eye meeting yours and just looking. It was the type of gaze that made your cheeks as warm as your core.

“Bring more so you can fix it later. You’re very kissable right now.”

“And you’re very sappy,” you mused. He always got sentimental on big occasions, excited to make new memories. “And kissable.” You gave in, giving him a quick one, ignoring his attempt to deepen it. “We gotta get ready or we’re gonna be late to your own event.”

“The CEOs have to be a little late, I think it’s customary,” he tried, but you just shook your head, covering his lips with your hand.

“Shave, I gotta do my hair anyways. And I’m probably gonna need your help with my dress.” 

That was enough motivation for him to get on with getting ready. You’d been sneaky, not shown him the dress you’d picked out for the evening. It was your first black tie event that you’d gone to ever, and definitely the first one with him at your side. You wanted to look good next to him, look good in the pictures you knew were going to be taken that he was no doubt going to post and probably print out to add to his photo collection too. It had butterflies fluttering in your stomach as you did your hair the way you liked, keeping it simple and making sure it framed your face.

It took you a little while, and you smiled when Gray wandered back into the bathroom in his suit, bowtie hanging loosely around his neck just as you finished. You let out a low dramatic whistle, breaking it off into a laugh when his cheeks turned your favorite shade of pink. 

“Help.” He walked over to you, lifting his chin up so you could better access his bowtie. You went to tie it immediately - you’d taught yourself last week when he decided to wear one. It made you smile as you recalled the two of you sitting on his bed, him shirtless with just the bowtie around his neck while you practiced, the spitting image of a male stripper from a bachelorette party. You’d been laughing so hard that it took you a ridiculous amount of times to get it. Luckily now you got it on your first try, proud of yourself as you straightened it out.

“Is it dress time?” His eyes flashed a bit when you nodded in response, heading for the closet where your garment bag was waiting. You pulled it out, having to hold your arm up high so that it didn’t pool on the floor as you moved it to the bed. 

Grayson rubbed his hands together in anticipation before he balled them into fists, the full embodiment of a kid on christmas, but in a 6 foot body. 

“You look like you’re gonna combust baby, chill,” you teased, shaking your head as you slipped your shorts off. You felt his eyes on your thong, the smallest one you owned. You still weren’t sure it would work - only one way to find out.

You reached behind yourself and unclipped your bra, letting it fall to the floor before you leaned down to scoop everything up and toss it the laundry. 

“I like where this is going.” His voice had dropped a bit, eyes taking you in from head to toe.

“Oh yeah? Well, get excited,” you teased, reaching into the Target bag on the floor to pull out a few nipple pasties. “These bad boys are coming along for the ride.” You wiggled them around dramatically in the air before you turned to the mirror to put them in place. Grayson watched, entirely unfazed.

“Okay, go stand in the bathroom for a minute,” you instructed, pointing to the door. He balked, eyes going wide.

“What? Why!?”

“Cause, you seeing me wiggle into this thing will ruin the allure. And I like surprises.”

“But I wanna see,” he pouted, giving you the best puppy dog eyes he could muster. You weren’t sure how a 6ft man in a tuxedo could look so soft, but he pulled it off.

“You will see, in like two seconds,” you teased, pushing gently on his chest as he walked backwards towards the bathroom door. He was still pouting when you closed it.

Taking a deep breath you went back over to the garment bag, pulling the zipper of it down to reveal the fabric you hadn’t seen in a while. Just laying there it looked almost innocent... almost. But when you put it on? You’d never felt like such a bad bitch - even in the fittings you’d felt powerful, sexy. 

“Do you have it on yet?” Grayson’s voice was impatient, a bit distorted. He was biting his fingernails, you could tell. 

“No, just gimme a minute,” you laughed, coaxing the dress off the hanger and carefully stepping into it. The fabric was silky but dense, with enough structure to give your body shape and enough flow for it to be flattering. It was a deep purple that reflected in a way that made it almost blue when it caught the light. The cleavage was there, but subtle, and that subtly was made up for with an open back. The material pooled right over the curve of your ass, leaving almost your entire back exposed, held up by the tiny straps over your shoulders.

But once you had it on, you remembered your favorite part, the main reason you’d bought it besides the color. 

The slit.

It was high. So high that it was borderline inappropriate, but still just classy enough. It tapered up at your hip, leaving your entire left leg open to the air. And as you’d feared, the lace line of your thong was visible. 

“Let me see,” Grayson whined from behind the door. You knew if you didn’t give in he was going to come out anyways.

“Alright alright, come in!” You called to him. He wasted no time in getting the door open as you stayed where you were in front of the mirror, trying to figure out what to do about the underwear situation.

“Holy. Fuck.” 

That caught your attention, and you turned to see his face. He was smiling, but his mouth was wide open, jaw slack as he looked you up and down. You expected him to get it together after a few moments, but he just stood there, awestruck, eyes never leaving you. 

And then, to top it off, he finally took in a raspy breath, coughing a little. You opened your mouth to say something, but he held up a finger and moved towards the bed, rummaging around by the bedside table. 

It was a sight you always wanted to remember - him, puffing on his bright red inhaler while standing there in a tux. 

“Wow, that good huh?” You couldn’t help the ego boost that it gave you to see him so undone just from looking at you.

“You got room for this in your bag? Might need it later with you lookin’ like that.” 

You rolled your eyes a bit, but you held your hand out anyways, taking it from him and sitting it down next to your bag. The fabric tape you’d bought peeked out at you and you pulled it out with a sigh. It wasn’t the most comfortable looking stuff, but you didn’t have much of an option.

You moved back in front of the mirror, reaching up to your thong and hooking a finger through it and pulling it down.

“What’re you doing?” His mouth sounded dry as he spoke. 

“It was showing. Can’t wear any with a slit this high.”

“You’re actually trying to kill me.” He watched you step out of them with hooded eyes, which turned to confusion when he watched you open the packaging on the tape. “What’s that?”

“Fabric tape. Keeps everything where it needs to be, ya know?” 

“You can’t just wear the dress?”

“Do you want the entire Wakeheart team to see my vagina tonight?” You laughed, quirking an eyebrow at him in the mirror. He scrunched his nose at that idea, staying quiet while you got everything arranged and taped.

“Okay, tell me if you can see anything.” You spun around slowly, trying out a few different angles with your leg that you might do during a photo. 

“You’re good. I fuckin’ love that dress, it looks perfect on you.”

“Thank you baby. You look pretty fuckin’ hot yourself.” You fixed the collar of his shirt with a smile. He brought his wrist up, checking his watch - his green rolex, of course. 

“Ah shit, we gotta go or we really are gonna be late.”

You just nodded, moving to the box with your new black heels and pulling them out. Grayson held his hand out for them and you handed them over, blushing when as you watched him crouch down and reach for your foot.  

“I can do that you know.”

“I know.” He grinned up at you before he looked back down and guided your foot in, his big fingers giving him a few problems when he got to the tiny clasps on the straps. “These are stupidly tiny.”

“I can get em,” you offered again, but he just waved you off, sticking out his tongue as he focused and finally got the buckle to thread through. The left shoe went easier, even though you had to hold onto his shoulder while you balanced on your right. 

He stood up when his work was done, eyes flashing wide when he looked at you.

“You’re so tall now. That’ll be nice for my back.” The question must have been clear on your face, because he answered it. “Don’t have to bend down to kiss you.” 

“Shut up and put your shoes on,” you laughed, kissing him quickly before moving to check yourself in the mirror one last time - even you had to admit, you looked damn good. Grayson got his Louis shoes on quickly, tying them and coming beside you, phone in hand. He pulled you against him so you both fit in the mirror, posing like you were on a red carpet just for his phone. 

“Turn around.” His voice was gruff, and when you did as you were told you knew why. You couldn’t help it - he took the first picture of just you looking up at him, your back on display. But by the time he snapped the next one, you snaked your hand down, white nails bright against his black pants as you cupped him over the fabric, his bulge already growing. 

“Don’t.” 

He snapped the picture anyways. 

“You sure?” You didn’t have to lean too far to get close to his ear now that you had on heels, and he rolled his neck as he sucked in a breath. His eyes flashed to yours, desperate and angry and wanting all at once. 

His hand fell over yours, pulling you off of him by your wrist. “Later.”

“Promise?” It rolled off your tongue as you looked up at him through your lashes. 

“Jesus,” he groaned, the effort he was using to stay put together obvious. He pressed a kiss to your knuckles before he let go. “Yeah, fuckin’ promise.” 

He saved the last picture under my eyes only and put his phone away, taking your hand as you grabbed your bag and followed him out of the room. 

------

“Does my hair still look okay?” You turned to Grayson, a bit nervous that you’d undone all your hard work.

With gentle fingers he fixed a few strays that had come loose. You should have known that they were going to play Cudi the whole way to the venue - it was a Dolan celebration after all. The boys always got hype, and you couldn’t help but join in, dancing along and singing at the top of your lungs. For your mood? Wonderful. But for your look? Maybe not so much.

“You look perfect.”

“Promise?” You quirked an eyebrow, knowing exactly what you were doing and loving every minute of it.

He sat back down in his seat further, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath through his nose. Ethan noticed from the front seat, watching for a moment and then deciding he should probably mind his own business. 

Grayson’s eyes were serious when he turned to you, leaning over so no one else heard your conversation.

“We have photos in like 5 minutes. I’m begging you. Behave.” 

You pondered it for a minute - how many times had he fucked you up, got you turned on in public when there was nothing you could do about it? But there was a sincerity in his eyes and his voice that you couldn’t ignore. 

Did you like being told what to do? No. But for Grayson? You’d do just about anything.

“Fine,” you conceded with a grin, leaning over to give him a quick kiss. “But only cause I want you to be able to post the pictures without your dick showing.”

“How considerate of you,” he rolled his eyes, but it was light hearted. He laced his fingers with yours, thumb running over your skin as his excitement mounted every minute closer you got the venue. You watched out the window as the fancy buildings started to emerge, signaling that you were getting close. Malibu had a more relaxed yet somehow more exclusive vibe than LA, and it had your heart racing.

“You’re gonna be fine, it’s just cameras.” He had somehow sensed your nerves, putting his own aside as he tried to comfort you instead.

“You’ve done this before, of course it’s not scary for you.”

“True. But I’m gonna be with you the whole time, which means you have nothing to worry about,” he countered, almost asking you to challenge him on it. You just nodded, picking up your purse from the floorboard.

“When we get out can you stand in front of me? I don’t wanna accidentally flash anybody.”

“Of course baby. I thought thats what the tape was for though,” he mused.

“Better safe than sorry.”

“We’re here, you guys ready?” Ethan turned from his spot in the passenger seat, excitement written all over his face. He reached back, hand extended to his brother, his partner in all this. You watch them do the handshake they could do in their sleep, a silent communication of excitement and support. 

And then, it was time for the show to really begin. It was a bit of a blur after that, mixtures of adrenaline and nerves. Grayson opened your door, standing tall and broad as you stood up, got your footing and adjusted your dress to make sure all was covered. And then he offered you his arm, prideful grin on his face as he showed you off.

It was a blur after that. You vaguely remembered pausing in front of the backdrop, a simple white with the Wakeheart logo scattered across it. You took a few serious pictures, giving your best sultry look, but mostly you just smiled, so proud of your man for all he worked so hard for.

At one point he stepped back from you, gesturing towards you proudly. It took you a minute to register that the photographers were calling out for you to pose, just you by yourself. You did your best, posing and looking where you were called. 

You only relaxed when Grayson reattached to your side, leading you down the rest of the carpet that stretched up to the venue. You posed for a few with both him and E just for fun, the three of you goofing off and just being yourselves before you made it to the end, the doors open to reveal the inside of the venue. 

“They want some of just E and I, do you wanna wait out here or do you wanna go sit down?” 

“I’ll go sit, save my feet. Have fun!” You kissed him quickly, vaguely aware that a few cameras flashed. You reached up and wiped a tiny bit of lipstick off his lip before letting him go, watching him head back over to his brother. 

You weren’t alone for long - you’d barely made it into the room before Sterling saw you, lighting up and running over to you. She was in a floor length green number, the sparkles on it catching the light from outside.

“Ster! You look amazing!”

“Says you! Holy shit! You rode in with the boys right?” You nodded, starting to look around. “Do you think they’re gonna like everything?”

“Oh they’re gonna love it, for sure.” 

The room was dim, colorful lights all around giving just enough brightness to make it functional without ruining the vibe. It only took you a second to realize that each light was specific; purple, blue and a light orange, just like the Enterlight collection. There were little Wakeheart touches everywhere, from the little mini fragrances on the tables to the logo printed on the name cards at the tables.

“Your all’s table is at the front I think,” Sterling offered, pointing up by the stage. “I gotta go find Daniel, I’ll find you later!” She disappeared to find her boyfriend and you headed in the general direction of the front, weaving through some of the tables.

“Y/N!” 

You turned, lighting up as you realized the call had come from Deon who was beelining for you, the biggest smile on his face.

“De!” was all you could get out before he had you wrapped up in a hug, almost lifting you off the ground. It had been too long since you’d seen him, too long since he’d come by to hang out after the first few times that you’d hit it off. 

“You look hot as hell girl, damn!” He praised, and you blushed so deep that you were sure he could see it, even in those lights. 

“Did Kai get to come?” 

“Yeah, he’s getting us drinks, wanna meet him?”

“Of course! Gotta see what all the hype is about,” you nudged his shoulder, taking his hand as he lead you over to the bar.

Kai was taller than you’d pictured him when Deon had described his boyfriend, but he was beautiful enough for all De’s constant gushing about him to make sense. The introductions went well, and you almost forgot where you were until someone cleared their throat.

“You guys gonna get drinks or what?” The bartender that spoke was a burly guy, too much muscle, and probably too old to be happy as a bartender if his tone and glare said anything about him.

“Oh right, sorry! Just uh, two mules for us. Y/N?” Deon looked at you expectantly.

“A mojito for me please,” you kept up the niceties, trying to stay pleasant. Maybe he was just having a bad night. 

“I hate making those.”

Niceties? Gone. 

“Well then I guess it’s a good thing you’re getting paid.”

“Suppose so,” he grumbled, passing over the two mules to Deon and Kai. They took the gratefully, giving you a little wave before they headed off, so caught up in each other that they didn’t even register the conversation. You stood up a bit taller now that you were by yourself, practically daring him to try something.

“You here by yourself?” 

“No.”

“Don’t see anybody with you.”

“So observant.” You let the annoyance seep into your tone, but you were right in assuming that he was the type of guy who didn’t give a fuck if the women around him were uncomfortable. 

“Where’s your man then? Not a smart one if he’s gonna let you walk around here wearing that by yourself.” The way his eyes raked up and down your form didn’t sit well with you. 

“He’s a bit... occupied. And considering I’m the reason there’s a bar here in the first place tonight, I suggest you watch your mouth and make the drinks before the CEO changes his mind.” 

“What she said.” 

You’d know that voice and the hand that slid dangerously low across your back anywhere. Apparently, the event planners must have shown the workers who the whole party was for, because the man behind the bar changed his tune immediately.

“Mr. Dolan,” he greeted, so serious that is almost made you laugh. “Can I get you anything sir?”

“You can get my girl what she asked for, and you can watch your mouth. That’ll be all.” 

You weren’t sure how a guy the size of the bartender could look sheepish, but he managed it as he handed over your mojito. 

“Thanks! Have a great night!” You hoped your insincerity was blatant enough as you took your drink and waved back to him, letting Grayson’s hand guide you as you turned around. 

“Hi baby, how were the rest of your pictures?” You asked as you walked to the table, chasing your straw with your tongue for a moment before taking a sip. 

Grayson just shook his head at you. “You’re perfect, you know that?”

You shrugged, enjoying the compliment and lifting up to kiss his cheek in thanks. He pulled your chair out for you before you sat down, settling beside you. As you expected, he was a hot commodity, a stream of people coming up to the table to give their congratulations. It only got more constant when Ethan found his seat on the other side of Grayson, everyone making sure they got their moment with the boys. 

Grayson was fully engaged, and you did your best to listen, focus on what he was saying, accepting the little nods of acknowledgement everyone was giving you.

But you were much more focused on the way Grayson’s hand was reached back so he could keep a hand on your thigh, his diamond ring cold against your skin as he squeezed every once in a while -  a little reminder that he appreciated you being there with him. 

It was innocent enough - but the mixture of him in that suit, the professional tenor of his tone, the lights, the fact that his hand was big enough to cover all the way across your thigh. You couldn’t help it - you shifted your legs just barely, only then realizing just how wet you were. 

It was wishful thinking that he didn’t notice. And of course, right at that moment there was a lull in the congratulations. He turned back to you, a playful glint in his eyes. 

“Come with me, I wanna show you something.” 

You smoothed out your dress when you stood up, hoping your skin didn’t look as flushed as it felt. 

“Hey. We gotta talk at 8. Don’t leave me hanging.” Ethan’s tone was all too knowing, and if you hadn’t already been blushing you would have when he fist bumped his brother. 

You took Grayson’s hand, his Rolex cool against your wrist as he lead you out of the event room, down a small hallway and to an elevator. He hit the button labeled R, and you both waited as patiently as you could. As soon as the doors were closed he was on you, both hands on your face, thumbs over your jaw as he pulled you to him. 

You melted into him, molding to his form, whimpering when his right hand traced down your back, crossed over and tucked under the fabric of your dress, fingers ghosting over your bare hip. 

“Fuck, forgot you ditched the panties,” he groaned, turning in annoyance as the doors dinged and opened. 

There were very few things that could have pulled your attention away from Grayson at that moment - the view was one of them.

“Oh wow,” you breathed, looking out at the rooftop that the elevator had brought you to. It was a garden of sorts, lots of greenery and flowers all around. But the real stunner was the view over the ocean, a perfect Malibu beach stretching out, visible even in the dim twilight that had settled over the sky while you’d been inside. 

“Figured you’d like it up here. And it’s private.”

You turned around, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“Private.” You swallowed around the word as he came closer to you, pulling you in for another kiss. This time you got your piece, hands coming up to his neck, searching out any skin you could find over his collar. He one upped you, both hands moving down your back, under your dress and over your ass, squeezing and massaging as he reached further, getting dangerously close to where you needed him most. 

“We can’t, Gray we can’t.” Your words didn’t match your actions, whole body jolting when his hands moved out of your dress, right hand resting on your hip from the front now, the slit just making it that much easier for him to gain access. 

“Why not?” He mused, kissing along your neck. 

“Cause we can’t go back down there looking fucked out. We’ll be home in a few hours.” There wasn’t even a flicker of conviction in your voice, and he just shook his head, unwilling to hear it.

“Can’t. Got me fucked up down there, calling me CEO and shit, hyping me up to that piece of shit. Don’t think I’m gonna make it home without at least a taste.” His hand traced left, ducking under your dress. You gasped as the tape peeled off your skin, leaving you vulnerable. 

“Fuck Gray,” you whimpered as his hand cupped over you, your knees buckling underneath you at the feeling of his fingers sliding through your slick. 

He groaned at what he found, other hand coming up to the back of your head, chasing your lips with his as you gasped when he started to move. 

“Just hold onto me baby, I got you.” His voice was deep in your ear as you clung to him, his arm wedged between both of your torsos as he worked you over. But just when you were really getting there, legs shaking, he pulled away, leaving you exposed and cold in the evening air.

You were about to complain, but the look he gave you told you he was far from done.  

“You’re on watch.” His voice and the wink he threw you had your already weak knees about ready to give out as he sunk down, moving your dress away like a curtain.

He pressed a sweet kiss to your hip before he ducked down, holding onto your thighs as he dove in with a wide tongue, finally getting what he’d been waiting for. And even if he hadn’t told you to you would have been bracing yourself on his shoulders.

“I like these heels,” he murmured when he pulled back for air. “Gets me a better angle.”

“Fuck, Grayson.” Something about you using his full name had him diving back in with a vengeance, tongue rough and active, only pausing to suck on you in the most delicious way. 

Your eyes rolled back, hands finding his hair, not caring if you messed it up as you held on, twitching a bit as he hummed at the feeling of your nails on his scalp. You forced yourself to focus, watching the door to make sure no one wandered up to the roof, found the star of the whole affair buried in your pussy.

But something else caught your eye - a little clock, number shining blue.

7:58pm

“Gray, G-Grayson, stop, stop it’s almost 8, you have to - fuck - you have to go,” you warned, but you couldn’t bring yourself to pull him away from you. 

“Gotta keep my promise first,” he said, only speeding up, knowing you were close from your breathy tone and your quivering thighs. Sure enough, all he had to do was add his finger and you were completely undone, calling out his name and bracing on his shoulder so you didn’t collapse. 

He stood back up with a triumphant grin, ego booming as you just stared at him, working through the aftershocks. He checked his watch and clenched his teeth, giving you a nervous look.

“Hell yeah, one minute to spare. Take the elevator.” He pressed a wet kiss to your cheek and jogged off, leaving you panting and alone as he disappeared down the staircase. 

“Jesus christ,” you huffed, trying to walk forward on your wobbly legs as quickly as you could, doing your best to pull yourself together. It was all deep breaths and attempts to ignore the wetness on your thighs in the elevator ride as you tried to re-stick the fabric tape with no luck.

The only reason you didn’t go to the bathroom to get yourself re-situated was because you didn’t want to miss the boys speech. So you quickly made your way to your seat, sipping on your drink to try and cool yourself down while you watched Ethan attempt to fix Grayson’s hair at the side of the stage. Oops.

They walked up eventually, waving and acting as humble as ever while the room applauded them. Grayson looked entirely unfazed, as if he hadn’t just been nose deep in your pussy 60 seconds ago. You tried to manifest the same energy, pretend like you weren’t still practically dripping sitting there in your dress. 

But when he looked right at you and swiped his thumb across his bottom lip, wiping away what you knew was you? You clenched around nothing, biting down on your straw. 

It was going to be a long rest of the night. 

They thanked everyone for coming, and for all the support of the brand over the last year. They shouted out everyone on the team, giving them the praises they deserved. Grayson slipped in a little moment for you, a “thank you to my amazing girlfriend who always smells every sample I bring home and isn’t afraid to give her honest opinion, and who keeps me sane and supports me through every step of everything I do” that had your cheeks burning as all the eyes in the room sought you out. 

When they were done he wasted no time in putting his hand right back on your thigh as soon as he sat down, smirking a bit when he wrapped around and found just a trace of wetness.

“Easy. My tape won’t re-stick,” you warned, not wanting him to get too frisky and accidentally move your dress. 

“Guess you’ll just have to stay close to me then huh,” he mused, leaning in for a kiss that you gave him happily. 

The rest of the night went smoothly, from the meal to the social hour afterwards. You stayed on Grayson’s arm, right where he wanted you as he made his rounds, made sure he spoke to the executives that he and Ethan had invited, got the advice he’d wanted to ask about. 

Before you knew it midnight had come and gone.

“You ready to get out of here baby?” 

“Hell yeah.”

Perks of dating a 20 year old CEO? He has his own driver when he wants it. But to your surprise, the man who drove the three of you there handed him keys instead of leading you to a car. 

“Had em drop off the porsche in case we wanted to ditch early and Ethan didn’t.” He answered the question he knew you had, leading you to the familiar blue car that was waiting on the side of the street. 

“Always the planner,” you teased, squeezing his arm before he opened your door for you and helped you in. 

“I do run a company you know,” he mused, leaning down to kiss you one more time before he picked up the rest of your dress and put it in the car so it didn’t get closed into the door.

You watched his every move as he went around the front of the car and climbed into the drivers seat, starting it up and revving it up once just for good measure. 

As soon as he pulled out of the spot you were leaning down to unclasp your heels, groaning in relief when your feet were freed.

“Better?” 

“So much better,” you sighed, relaxing back in your seat as he plugged the rental address into the GPS and started down the road. 

“Those shoes have their perks for sure. Sorry they hurt you though.” He palmed the wheel as he turned and you bit your lip, remembering exactly what perks he was talking about.

Now it was his turn.

You reached over, hand resting on his thigh, nails digging in just barely. He twitched, foot pressing a bit on the gas, lurching the car forward.

“Easy baby,” you cautioned, turning in your seat so you were facing him, fingers tracing up further, gauging his reaction.

“What’re you doing,” he asked as if he didn’t know, eyes trained forward on the road. 

“Keeping promises,” you mused. “Got me fucked up back there.” 

He sucked in a breath through his teeth as you repeated his words from earlier, unbuckling his belt and pushing it out of the way as you spoke. 

“Yeah? How’d I get you so fucked up baby. Tell me.” 

“You know exactly what you did,” you reminded him, popping the button open with your nail, coaxing the zipper down to reveal his Calvin Klein briefs that were already getting stretched as he got harder and harder.

“Wanna hear you say it,” he grunted, knuckles white on the steering wheel. 

“Could barely walk to the elevator when you ran off, my legs were all wobbly. Made me feel so good,” you explained, stroking his ego and his bulge simultaneously.

“Fuck yeah they were, and you still made it down for my speech.” You reached up under his waistband, pulling his underwear down enough for you to get your hand around him. His hip stuttered as you started to work him over like only you could. 

“Wouldn’t miss it,” you hummed, using your thumb to trace the vein on the side of his shaft, up over the tip with just enough pressure to really fuck him up. 

“Shit baby. Just like that.”

You did as he said, twisting your wrist over him as he grew in your hand. When your knuckles grazed over his balls the porsche jolted again, making you grin.

“Careful. Can’t fuck you if we don’t make it home.”

“If you weren’t so fucking horny we wouldn’t have a problem,” he huffed, looking at his phone to check the ETA. 2 more minutes. 

“Can’t help it. You in a suit just gets to me,” you admitted, batting your eyelashes a bit just for fun. You didn’t count on him dropping his right hand from the wheel and reaching over to you, shoving your dress to the side and immediately cupping over your already sensitive folds. You jolted in your seat, squeezing his dick in your hand. 

Two could play that game. With a wicked grin, you shifted, closing your legs so he couldn’t reach you and leaning forward, dropping your head.

Before you could get very far his hand was in your hair, pulling your head back up so you had to look at him.

“Wait.” 

You swallowed hard and nodded at his command, sinking back into your seat as he pulled the porsche into the driveway, typing in the gate code, fingers drumming on the wheel while he waited for them to open. He pushed the gear shift forward into park as soon as he stopped, looking over to you.

“Wait.” He said again, opening his door and readjusting himself back into his pants before he came around to your side of the car. He opened your door sweetly, offering you a hand.

As soon as you were on your feet he was crouching, shoulder hitting your hips before he grabbed and lifted, practically throwing you over his shoulder.

You squealed, trying to find purchase against his back, hands balling up his suit jacket in an attempt to hold on. He was unfazed, even taking one hand off you to unlock the door. 

By the time he made it to your alls room on the top floor you’d gone limp, knowing there was no point in fighting him. You missed his face while you couldn’t see it, smiling when he leaned forward at the edge of the bed, let you fall on top of the comforter, bouncing slightly. 

“Dress on or off?” You asked, quirking an eyebrow.

He pondered it for a minute, eyes darkening as he imagined both scenarios, played them out in his head.

“Off,” he decided. You nodded, standing up and pulling one of the straps off over your shoulder. His fingers found the other before you could, pulling it off so that the top of your dress fell down, revealing your breasts. You looked down with a laugh, almost forgetting about the nipple pasties you’d put on. 

He cupped them anyways, thumbs running over the little petal shaped cut outs, the muffled sensation of his fingers on your nipples making your back arch, asking for more. He was gentle as he peeled them away, not wanting to hurt you, ducking down to kiss each one when they were free. 

You ran your fingers through his hair as he licked over them, kissing his way across. Your dress continued to fall down, gathering at your hips until his hands found it and pushed it the rest of the way off.

“Much better,” he grinned, guiding you back until you fell on your back again.

It was quite the show, watching him strip out of his suit in front of you. He started with the jacket, tossing it away without a care before he started working at his bowtie. 

You couldn’t resist - you sat up, untucked his shirt from his pants, hastily fumbling over the buttons, pausing to run your hands over his abs as soon as you saw them. He groaned at that, especially when you leaned forward to kiss his warm skin. He got the tie off somehow, working from the top button and meeting you halfway before pulling it off. Just him shirtless in those fucking pants was enough to have you fully worked up again, and you laid back down, watching him pull his belt off through the loops, undo his button and pull everything down at once. 

Your mouth watered, ready for him, but to your surprise he crawled on top of you, resting just enough weight down to pin you to the bed. He was beaming as he looked down at you for a few moments, just taking you in.

You reached up to cup his face, pulling him down to kiss you, surprised but warm nonetheless at his sudden change of mood.

“I love you,” he murmured against your lips.

“I love you too.” There was no question. “Proud of you.” 

“Couldn’t have done it without you.” He pulled back, readjusting so he could line up. You opened your legs a bit wider to make room for him, anticipation mounting as he rubbed himself over your folds for a few strokes. His lips found your forehead as he finally pushed in, stretching you out as he slowly let you adjust to all he had to give.

“So fuckin tight for me, every time baby, fuck,” he huffed out, sinking down further onto you. If you had room to, your back would have arched as you drug your nails over his arms, overwhelmed at how deep he already was. 

He dropped to his forearms, rocking above you so hard that your whole body moved across the bed with each thrust. You clung to him, arms moving around him, scratching at his lower back.

You couldn’t even form words, the only things falling from your lips being his name and a constant stream of whimpers, punctuating each drive he made into your heat. Every time he pulled out his tip ran across that spot deep inside you that had you squirming, body unsure of whether you wanted to run away or get closer, overwhelmed by the force of the sensation. 

He knew you were close when you started to clench around him, walls fluttering in a way that pushed him towards the edge like nothing else ever could. 

When your orgasm came, it was almost too much. You cried out, clinging to Grayson as he continued to pound into you without mercy, only spurred on when you bit onto his shoulder, riding it out before your body went limp for a moment, completely fucked out.

“Almost there baby, fuck,” he groaned, sitting up and grabbing your hips with both hands, holding you up as he chased his high, lost in you entirely. “Want your mouth.” 

Somehow in your blissed out state you managed to sit up enough for him to get close enough to you and your waiting tongue. It only took a few quick strokes before he was cumming, hips stuttering as he unloaded into your mouth. You found the energy to suck him dry, taking all he had to give before he guided you off, much too sensitive for you to keep going. 

He laid down beside you, rolling to his right to find your hips and pull you on top of him. Neither of you moved a muscle for a few minutes, just trying to get your breathing under control and your heart rate back down to an acceptable rate. When you finally got enough energy back you made your way up to his face, catching him with soft and lazy kisses over his lipstick stained lips, drinking each other in. 

You knew that the pictures would run tomorrow, and your faces would be everywhere. You could see all the headlines about Grayson in your mind: CEO, youtuber, famous, heartthrob; every girl that saw him in that suit would be just as enthralled as you had been. But none of it mattered. Because they didn’t get your Grayson, the Grayson who picked you up and carried you to the shower twenty minutes post fuck, helped you take your makeup off and made you laugh until your stomach hurt when he washed his hair and spiked it up in a soapy mohawk like a six year old. That was your Grayson; your CEO, your heartthrob, for the rest of your fucking life. You relished in the thought as you curled up to him that night, loving the weight of his arms around you as you drifted off. 

[petalshields]

[ LAURA HARRIER, SHE/HER, CIS WOMAN ]  —  [ FREYA WALDRON ]  is a child of  [ APOLLO ]  with the power of  [ SOUND CONVERSION + BIOLUMINESCENCE ] .  they were born in  [ 1993 ]  and have been in nemean lion since  [ 2005 ] .  with the change, they  [ HAVE GRADUATED FROM ]  the  [ AMBASSADOR ]  role which makes sense since they’re usually  [ RECORDING MUSIC & PLANNING WORLD DOMINATION ] .  if you’d like to meet them try the  [ SUN ]  building  —  garnet / she/her / kst / 18+ / @nlupdates

wassup im back at it w the long ass intros. don’t be fooled by the gif freya is unfortch a two-faced bitch

BIOGRAPHY!

freya’s mother was a failed starlet whose career couldn’t be saved by the god of music. ask anyone over the age of 40 about annie lewis and they remember her in past tense: “didn’t she used to be on the radio?” annie lewis dominated the charts when she released “room for a backseat kiss,” and rumor has it the track was short-listed to play from john cusack’s boombox in cameron crowe’s 80s hit say anything…. It wasn’t chosen, however, something about fine print in a contract, and annie blamed that blunder for her success taking a swan-dive. riding the momentum of a hit single, she released her full-length album “fun lover.” it didn’t cause even a ripple in the radio airwaves, destined to collect dust in crates stowed by lazy record store employees, sought out by collectors of 80s memorabilia and occasional diehard fans.

when annie was officially dropped from her label due to poor ticket sales, she didn’t know what was worse: no longer being able to afford her lavish lifestyle or being a one-hit wonder with a VMA but no grammy. to cope with her losses, she did what any self-respecting woman would do: find a man to fill the void. except annie lewis wasn’t just any woman, she was annette rebecca lewis, so she didn’t find a lowly, mortal man — she found a god.

apollo’s a rolling stone, but he was the shiniest thing this side of the equator, so of course she scrawled her hotel room number on a napkin when he said he’d make her feel like a star again. she was leaving LA anyway. he was the best sex she ever had and to this day annie recalls the night with a wistful look on her face when she’s with the girls for brunch. her children, all of four of them, got different daddies, but freya was the product of annie’s one night stand with apollo. in freya, annie gained something more valuable than a demi-god daughter: a second chance at stardom.

freya lewis knew that apollo was her father from an early age. her mother spoonfed her that she wasn’t like other little girls, that she was meant to sell out gigantic stadiums with her angelic singing voice. every penny earned from “room for a backseat kiss” went into singing lessons, dancing lessons, and acting camps for freya. once the bills began to pile up and the royalties stopped rolling in, annie pushed freya into the pageant world for the cash prize. already with the mindset that others were competition, freya brought home golden cups overflowing with money, because mama didn’t drain her bank account for freya to waste her “talents.”

when freya was eleven, she dabbled in some petty “sabotage” ( she maintains that it wasn’t sabotage, she was asked to make adjustments ), but what disqualified her from miss teen georgia peach was her powers finally manifesting during her heartfelt rendition of “last dance” by donna summer. light emanated from the outline of her body before she reached the chorus, fanning out like an aura. allegedly blinded the first row audience, too, but those claims were unfounded according to her lawyers, but i digress. at first, the judges suspected that her mother, known momzilla, bribed the lighting technicians to give freya an advantage. freya didn’t put it past her mother, sensing her desperation from her daughter to become someone, but she couldn’t offer a substantive answer if she tried. the judges scratched her entry from the pageant as a consequence, and so ended her pageant career ended with a literal blaze.

a sad slump of tulle, freya shuffled after her mother and siblings with a crooked tiara on her head, ignoring the judgmental whispers of the spectators.

someone cut through the thrush, and they informed annie about nemean lion; they knew a child of apollo when they saw one. she wasn’t interested in a demigod summer camp for her daughter until they mentioned the ambassador track. that perked annie’s interest and she fluttered her lashes and stuck out her hand. “i’m annie lewis, freya’s mother. yes, i know we look more like sisters! now where do i sign?”

freya THRIVED in the ambassador track. she learned that she could convert sound to light energy and discovered how to mold light like clay. as for her ambassador training, freya wasn’t naturally charming or charismatic, but she was an expert at interviewing and appearing to camera-ready. however, the façade could be quite exhausting to uphold. on camera, she may be a darling, but off camera, she couldn’t shake her competitiveness and the paranoia that everyone wants the position at the top that’s rightfully hers. this was nemean lion, not best friend lion, and she was willing to claw her way up the ladder by any means necessary. whether it meant kissing up or a wee bit of sabotage, she was willing to do it to receive some sort of recognition or gratification.

shortly after graduation, contracts piled up, awaiting freya’s coveted signature, and she quickly signed the most tantalizing offers because she deserved nothing less! needless to say, her mother was ecstatic that her daughter fulfilled her destiny to be the vessel that annie lewis was supposed to be. the record labels also have ideas for who freya should be: they stylized her stage name as FREJA instead of FREYA, and glowing onstage is her gimmick ( think dazzler from x-men ).

freya — whoops, i mean, freja is currently in the middle of recording her first album, and she’s trying to master changing the color of the light that emanates from her for her future world tour. as for freya, she’s biding time at nemean lion until her career takes off and she completes the journey that annie lewis started.

oh and she changed her last name to waldron because it sounds more expensive than lewis. she literally just woke up one day and decided. thank you <3

WANTED CONNECTIONS!

ENEMIES/RIVALS: i know what im about

ENTOURAGE/MANAGEMENT TEAM: this bitch simply needs support, can’t build an empire by herself!

FANS: she is semi-famous after all! funnily enough, she already assumes that everyone on campus knows who she is ( why wouldn’t they? ) so she leaves the house in sunglasses and wigs to disguise herself. freya is under the impression that she’ll be mobbed if she doesn’t do this.

subpoint: people who are fans of her mother?? that’d be hilarious LSJDKFA

AMBASSADOR CONNECTIONS: it’s not what you do but who you know, and freya’s very strategic with where she spends her time! definitely not using these people for their connections <3 what are you talking about <3

A “PROJECT”: someone who freya pities like “oh you poor thing” and decided from then on out that she’d help make them over. think cher and tai from clueless.

EXES: specifically this.

A GOOD INFLUENCE: someone she tries to impress and be on her best behavior around, for whatever reason.

ROOMIES: people who see her without any cameras, who know who she is when no one is watching. could be inch of resting.

[writinganothertime]

The Secret of Vanishing Newsboys

Chapter 9

warnings: none

word count: 642

a/n: filler chapter that just moves us into the next part of the story. ALSO i have started school and don’t know how often i will be able to post, im going to try to get another chapter or two out before things get too crazy but we’ll see :)

——————

Something woke Race up long before the morning bell was rung. His bed was right near a window, every now and then a bird flew into it. That was probably it. But then something made a sound against the glass again.

Race sat up slowly, then cautiously stepped over to the window. He didn’t see anyone. His curiosity got the best of him so he slid the window open as quietly as possible. Stepping out on to the fire escape he still didn’t see anything. The city was as quiet as it could be for this early time. Race figured he would’ve heard if there was someone out there with him. He glanced around than went to duck back into the dormitory. But a scrap of paper caught his eye. He picked it up gingerly, as if it might burst into flame at his touch. He couldn’t see what was on it, but he hoped it was something important. He headed back to his bunk and slipped the piece of paper under his pillow. He wasn’t sure why he kept it when he wasn’t even sure if there was anything on it. But blank pieces of paper like this weren’t exactly easy to come by. Though newsies dealt with paper every day, that paper all had printing on it. Maybe it was just wishful thinking.

***

The bell rang and Race got up groggily. He started to head towards the bathroom when he remembered the paper. He quickly turned and stuffed the scrap in his pants pocket. There. Now no one else would read it. He locked himself in a stall and took out the paper. From what he could make out it was an address. The note was written in scribbled pencil and the light in the stall was too dim. He’d have to look at it again in the daylight.

The day went on, Race hadn’t had a chance to check the note again though he was constantly aware of it, as if it was burning through his pocket.

Finally he finished selling the morning edition and headed for the back of the lodging house. It was typically unoccupied. He took the note out again. It was definitely an address, and now he could actually read it. Though he knew Lower Manhattan very well, he didn’t pay attention to street names. He knew where he was based on landmarks. He’d have to get a map. That would be his quest for the afternoon.

He kept a record of how much money he made. He knew a map wouldn’t be a lot, or maybe he could steal one, but just in case, he was making sure he could afford it.

To his luck, he found one laying in a gutter, probably fallen out of a trolley car. He tucked that away too before returning to selling.

Late in the afternoon Jack found Race on the curb in front of the lodging house. He stopped to stare at him questioningly.

“Whatcha doing Racer?”

“Just sittin’ here.”

“Waiting for a sweetheart to sweep you up?” Jack teased.

Race smiled, “just for you,” he said sweetly.

“Uh huh,” Jack shook his head in amusement and continued on inside.

Race had been waiting until he could slip away. When most of the kids were back and he could go hunt for this address unnoticed.

And it was time, Jack was often the last person back because he did a check of a couple of the more dangerous streets and alleys to make sure all his newsies got back safe.

Race hopped away from the curb and started walking. He studied the map as he went (which was difficult) hoping to cover more ground that way. He found the street quickly, it really wasn’t that far from the lodging house.

Eventually he got to the building and jogged up the steps. He wasn’t sure what he hoped he’d find inside so he hesitated before trying the handle. And when he did, it opened easily.

[juni-ravenhall]

something nobody talks about when talking about how whiny sso's immature fans are in criticising the game etc

is that preparing for, and handling, critcism (fair or not) in a healthy and mature way, is a part of the job when you are an employee who manages social media accounts. (and employees who arent in charge of social media, make a personal choice in checking on the company's social media if they do, and if theyre not emotionally stable enough to handle that then as adults they are responsible for keeping themselves from looking at it. if they can't - theyre responsible to seek healthcare to help them.)

i personally dont really agree with this stuff like "damned if they do, damned if they dont, its so hard being the sse team" - this is normal in human society (sadly) no matter where you go - there will be fair criticism, unfair criticism, and love letters, and trolling, etc, thats sadly the human society we live in, and if you are selling a product youre definitely going to see some criticism so it cant take you by surprise (you prepare for this as part of the job).

and for a mature and healthy person you have to develop BOUNDARIES, which is key not only to stay healthy as a social media manager or support staff, but also as a human in general. most people need to work more on developing healthy boundaries, and for ppl with certain mental health problems, they may have almost no boundaries in place and have to start building them up from scratch. (please do go research what it means to have healthy boundaries. its good for *everyone* to read up on this.)

a healthy boundary: ppl whining on a company's social media isnt going to affect you much on a personal level. if you are heavily affected on a personal level by the mix of negativity and positivity in comments on a paid product, or by hate storms and etc, you prob arent stable enough to be working in this position - u need to take time off and get some mental health care, or find a different job, and someone should take the job who does have the necessary boundaries between personal/business spaces, and a full understanding of that some criticism is warranted and some isnt and thats just normal in human society.

being able to sift through and sort the input from customers as "this is true, this is nonsense, this is trolling, this is misguided but they have a point, this is a sweet comment im gonna print this and put it on the office fridge, this one is reoccurring so maybe its a big problem", etc etc, thats part of the job if youre in a position where looking at comments *is* part of your job. being able to ignore comments that arent useful is part of your job. distancing yourself from it on a personal level (having boundaries) and only seeing it as data, not as potential attacks.

in my personal opinion as someone with severe mental health issues, social anxiety, who has studied a lot of psychology over many years on my own, who posts stuff i made online where ppl are able to send me love or hate (and ive gotten hate msgs) - i dont think ppl need to worry or think so much about "sse gets so much hate". i dont think its really anything to talk about as an "sso problem" bc humans are generally like this everywhere.

what we should think about is for example whether the employees have adequate healthcare support (if someone *does* get upset over criticism due to lacking boundaries or genuine personal attacks - like harassment on an employee's personal account - how is it handled?) - its not something we can change as fans, but we can boycott businesses in protest when we see theres something we dont think is okay.

what i really want to say in writing this is that you shouldnt think of "a company" or "social media related employees" as if its normal/healthy/mature for them to be taking things personally when they get criticism or hate. its natural for someone with lacking boundaries to take things personally, and it sucks, but 1) adults are responsible for trying to get healthcare to help them develop boundaries 2) the company is responsible for not only managing the employees so ppl who arent fit for a position arent stuck in it, but also to provide some healthcare support or counselling when employees run into mental health issues

and at the end of the day any problem you have with sse is best solved by 1) communicating fair criticism to them 2) boycotting products that you dont want to support

[pbandjesse]

Today was a good day. I have a heating pad on my feet which is helping my toes which have been so cold. I am in a good mood, but man I am tired.

I did enjoy my own company a lot last night. I would stay up until around 130 and fell asleep soon after that. But I woke up at 3 to a freshly showered James getting into bed. I gave them a big hug and fell right back to sleep.

I am very glad they made it home safely. They had shared their location with my phone so I would know they were okay on their late night drive home. They had a great time at the show though and that was great. Made me feel good to know they were having fun.

Both of us were very tired this morning. So we didn't get up until 8. I know, so late. But we had the market to go to! We got up, James got dressed quick and started taking things to the car. I took a little longer. I had to change twice because I was a little more cold then I expected. And then the layering shirt I chose was wrong and I had to change again. But it was fine. We had time.

I quickly printed off the poem for the print I made last week. And we were off. I was glad I got all of our stuff ready earlier this week because the only thing we ended up forgetting was our chair. But because I left the wagon in the car we were able to just use that. And honestly, was pretty comfortable and was a little easier to get out of when you needed to stand up.

We had to fuss with our set up of the table because we didn't do a dry run. But the 35 bears all looked great and I was very glad I brought some prestuffed ones.

The nice man who makes the birdhouse's lent me his markers so I could make a sign. It for real helped make people understand what we were doing. And we did sell some!!

It was honestly a great day. It was cold but that was fine. James went to get us breakfast. And I would run the supplies from my program yesterday into the museum. And I had some many nice interactions today. With the tables around us. And with customers.

We made a good amount of sales. There was a lot of foot traffic surprisingly. People really got a kick out of the making aspect of the build a bear style. Some little kids would help me stuff them, while the adults would just have me do it. I would tell them they have to make a wish before they put the heart in. And then I would sew them up. I had predone a few with a ladder stitch and while it made it a little harder to stuff, it did make sewing go so much faster. Thats such a good stitch to learn. Feels like magic when you pull that thread.

I also sold some prints and a pair of bear earrings. I think something I am going to try to do is actually make the tiny bears for the earrings. Maybe out of felt? We will see. But that will be my next project, along with my prints Im going to keep carving. I just have to keep the momentum going.

We finished up, made a few more sales. We packed up and said goodbye, until next time, to the other vendors. And we were off.

I was really glad James had gotten me a donut earlier that I hadn't eaten. We drove to the other side of the harbor to go to Micheals for more velum and envelopes. We would also go grab a snack at the herris teeter. And then home.

We were both really exhausted honestly. James had some lunch. I would poke around on the internet for a bit before I would make something.

James went for a bike ride. I was surprised, because they were so sore from their concert, but they love being out on their bike so I understand that. Chasing that joy.

I made frozen spring rolls. And played animal crossing. And once James was home I showed them some stuff I made and got off the game for the day.

I laid on the couch while James worked on their podcast. And I just scrolled on my phone until 6. When it was time for us to work on putting up some Christmas decorations.

I want to get some more tinsel or garlins. But I was happy to see the holiday furbies. Me and James both have silly holiday hats now. And Belk is off of house arrest. This is the one time a year when James "lets" Belk out of their house to be used as decor. So we (me and Belk) were pretty excited.

My head started to hrt though. Not even a regular headache. My teeth were just aching. My appointment is on Wednesday. I am not looking forward to it. But I hope they can help with the pain.

I took an asprin and we worked on legos for a little bit. But I wasn't having a great time because I was hurting. So we just did a part of it before I laid on the couch.

Tina got us another space heater. Its like our radiator one so it is slient. So much nicer. So the living room is not as frigid. Not ideal still, but its something.

James showered. Then I did. James put my heating pad int he bed for me so I can have warm toes. And now we are getting ready to go to sleep.

I hope you all have a great night tonight. Tomorrow should be a fairly calm day. We are going to get breakfast and work on our save the dates. I hope you all have a good day tomorrow. Take care of each other.

[climbdraws]

How does an artist whose never really posted art online go about making a successful online store the same way you have? I'm not sure how to even start, do you open a store and pray? Get an endorsement from another artist? Am I gonna need a twitter? I guess im just looking for any tips, if you're willing to share. (BTW I got a a few of the holo skull stickers, ADORE them!)

hi! glad you like the holo stickers - hopefully gonna add more real soon!

(long answer so under cut)

I think the first thing you need to ask yourself is - how much effort do I want/have time to put into this? ((*For reference, my store would be categorized under upper-medium/high effort as I am doing art full-time))

Low Effort - POD service (print-on-demand) such as RedBubble, Society6, Teepublic (you upload your work, they handle everything else.)

PROS: They handle everything from site listings, product photos, product creation, packaging, shipping & handling, and customer support. They have brand reputation so people trust the site & your products. Offer a lot of custom printing (shirts, pillows, blankets, mugs etc) that would be pretty expensive trying to do yourself starting out. Very little involvement besides uploading your work & sharing it to your followers. 

CONS: Artists only receive a very small percentage per sale and it might take quite a while to earn anything substantial. Product quality varies (RedBubble sticker quality is hot garbage imo) as they are usually cheaply produced. A lot of stolen artwork/designs are sold on these sites and nothing is done to regulate it. 

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Medium Effort: Online marketplaces such as Storenvy, Etsy, Shopify etc. A PLATFORM for you to sell your goods - you are responsible for creating, packaging, shipping & marketing your products. 

PROS: Convenient marketplace shopping allows people to easily browse your store alongside other vendors/artists. Allows you to brand your own store & products so that they are uniquely yours. A true “small business” as you are handling essentially everything except for the online store-hosting platform. Allows you to include personal notes/touches or freebies in your orders as you are packaging & shipping them yourself. 

CONS: Usually have to pay a fee for every sale/listing. Website/Storefront design are limited to what the platform has to offer (some don’t have custom HTML options). Requires YOU to create your own merch - whether it’s original art, prints, stickers, enamel pins etc - which means a lot of time spent talking to manufacturers, figuring out shipping rates etc. Can involve a lot of $$ investment upfront. 

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High Effort / Full-Time: Creating your own website/storefront OR Patreon Clubs. Handling everything yourself & releasing new content quite frequently - good for artists with a following/brand reputation/full-time. 

Basically everything from the ‘Medium Effort’ tier but requiring quite a bit of time/effort (usually) daily. Monthly Patreon clubs are becoming pretty common - backers pledge every month for a ‘tier’ level and receive merch at the end of the month (which requires you to factor in manufacturing time, shipping time to you, packaging & then shipping to the customer which can be difficult for people who suck at meeting deadlines ((sometimes me but I'm working on it))

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Honestly there is no “correct way” to go about creating a shop for yourself. I know a lot of artists who run their own stores & also have merch on RedBubble/Society6 as it’s just another revenue stream that’s quite low-key and the more visibility you have as a ‘brand’ the better. Some artists have shop openings with their store only being open for a week or two and then closed for a couple months and then re-open again (youtuber BayleeJae does this & is quite successful at it) 

There’s honestly so many factors that go into a store - what kind of merch/art you want to create, what your fanbase is, who you’re marketing to, how much funds you want to invest etc etc. It can be quite overwhelming which is why I really recommend those just starting out to start slow/small and test the waters with just a few items first before rushing in and spending a bunch of $$$$ on products that might not end up selling as well as you hoped.

Since you said you don’t really post online - I would suggest starting with a LOW EFFORT store like RedBubble, Society6, TeePublic etc and really focus on building your social media following & presence. Make sure your social accounts all have same/similar handles (mine vary a lil but it’s always ‘Climb’). Posting frequently can be hard but it’s really important to start getting people to notice you & gain interest in your work. 

[myfeetkeepdancing]

Numb | Tom Holland x Male!Reader

Words: 9091

Warnings: Smut and negative thoughts?

A/N: Sit yourself down for this one. This is loooooong! It’s completely different from what I usually write. Still had an absolute blast writing it. 

Check out the request description below!

Requested by: @idwithoutthesuperego​:  Ok, but a fic where tom sells his body for money because he just needed the money and reasons. And male reader's friends buy a "night" with him without telling reader after a bad breakup. But they just click, and MR kinda falls in love n wants to do the "i'm gonna date you and get you out of that life". But tom is just like "i dont believe in people anymore and im destined to die in some alley being used". This is oddly especiffic, but is something i would just love to read about if u can, plz.

Oh, and if you consider being a good soul and wirtting a fic for my ask, PLEASE make a happy ending hahaha My heart wouldnt be able to handle that drama without the happiness

Tears dry up. Eventually. Suppressing the pain. Left with unanswered questions. For weeks they bothered your conscience. Hang around your neck like a millstone. A burden on your soul. Pondering. That’s what you’re left doing. Your day to day life slowing down to a grinding halt. Everything went on auto-pilot. While your mind pondered over every moment of what could have been. What if… And, if I…

 Circling in your mind forever. Sleep didn't come easy. Nor did any desire for anything. Friend and family kept summing up the logical steps of coping. Stages of grief. "It'll pass." Those little sentences stuck with you. “It’ll take time.” Each and everyone kept repeating it. But what value did it have? What lessons could you take from those words? For you are left with an empty house. An empty couch. An empty chair. And an empty place beside you. Alone. Trapped within your own mind.

 Pondering over every thought and every memory.

 That feeling of nothingness. It’s strange at first. You manage to go on with your life. Sleep returns at night. And waking up wasn’t at painful as it was at first. You couldn’t put your finger on it. But it could be described as numbness. Everything went on autopilot. And feelings were shut off. Barricaded behind layers of overthinking and mind-boggling thoughts. No sense of desire anywhere. The impact of a broken relationship was far worse then you imagined.

 Just comfortably numb.

 "This will do you good." Your friend tries to convince you again. Pushing the flyer into your hand. “For a moment, try to think ab-...” The words reach your ear in waves. Disturbed by sounds coming from somewhere close by. Ringing in your ears. Folding open the flyer, you see some sort of menu. You squint again, slightly intoxicated by the last few beers. This wasn’t some ordinary menu, like a Chinese take-out restaurant. You feel your blood boiling. Heart racing in your chest cavity. You peel your eyes from the fat printed letters. “Men of your choosing."

 “Give it a shot." Your friend nudges you against your shoulder. Seeing the fury in your eyes building, as you look up. "I choose this one for you." Pointing to a loosely attached picture. "He looks nice, doesn't he?"

 “Why would you…?" You mumble, shaking your head in disgust. “Get out.” Tossing everything his way. “Just get out…” Pushing yourself up from the couch. Pacing back and forth across the room, before turning into the kitchen. Raking your fingers through your hair. Letting the cold water from the tap, run across your face. Why do people keep meddling in your business? It's exhausting. A sudden burst of rage and anger courses through you, but it ebbs away as quickly as it came. Leaving you feeling defeated and numb again. Falling back into the kitchen chair. Gaze fixated on the moonlight illuminating the scenery in front of you —mind blank.

 Footsteps approach from behind you. You’ve heard the door open and close. You assumed your friend left. But an unknown voice calls to you. "Hey…"

 "You can go." You respond instantly; without looking,  waving him away. "Please." Releasing an unintended long sigh. Sinking deeper into the chair. Your gaze fixated on the endless void in front of you.

 "I can't." The voice says calm and controlled. "I'm booked for the entire night."

 "I don't care." Shrugging your shoulders. "Please just leave me be. Tip yourself on the way out, wallet is in my coat." You just sit there, sulking in your own misery.

 It's quiet for a good moment. You guess he's probably still there. Standing a few feet behind you.

“You’re awfully calm for a situation like this.”

 "Right…" You chuckle to yourself. “Thanks.”

 "Your friend told me." Hearing his footsteps approach instead of fading away, sending you an uneasy feeling down your spine. "It's ok…" You hear him right behind you. “He means well.” Your body jolts up in the chair, as his hands rest upon your shoulders. His hands just rest. Nothing more. Yet you feel every touch of his finger, every point of contact upon your body. A weird sensation. Even more, as his thumbs begin pressing and rolling around the lower part of your neck. Rubbing your skin. Slowly massaging your sore muscles. A sudden involuntary grunt escapes you.  "I know it's difficult."

 "I… I don't know if… I…" You try to shake the thought of it out of your mind. It conflicted deeply within you. Yet, his touch. So simple, yet strangely satisfying. A different kind of emotion began to rise. Something that had been locked away, far and deep.

 "Please…" He says with subtlety and kindness in his voice. And as he moves past you. The man came into view. Your eyes are somehow captivated by first sight. As he sinks down onto his knees. A thin smile cracked his wistful glance. "It's going to be okay."

 He looked so young, yet worn in a way you couldn't put your finger on. A sorrowful face you had never seen. Long, brown curls gracefully tumbled down his head. The contours of his face were absolutely stunningly shaped. The thin lips and sharp jawline. A work of art. A little imperfection on his right brow. Small hairs rebelling against the flow. Yet his face drained with a gaunt stare. The eyes didn't fool you. Set deep into his face. Small and brown, caramel-like of color. They showed little signs of life left in them. Hollow. Like a flame died out long ago. A spark long lost. A view into the past what once used to be. It lost its touch. It’s humanity...

 Yet, somehow you feel magically drawn to those sorrowful and silent features. Most fascinating, almost hypnotizing. The moment of eye contact was unexpected long. His touch sending you back reality.

 With both his hand on your inner thigh, slowly rubbing his way upwards. The touch of his fingers sends shudders through your systems. They felt so warm. You close your eyes for a moment, shielding your crotch. A moment of insecurity. You couldn't do this. This feeling. Your body, its sending signals you haven't felt in ages. "I… I… don't think I'm ready for this, I'm sorry…"  

 “I get that.” He says, while with one hand lifting your chin. You feel his soft fingers on your cheek. The first touch of a man in months. Your heart flutters excitingly.  And before you open your eyes to meet his. His lips tenderly grace yours. For a brief moment, they join each other. Soft as a cushion, and so warm. It happens quickly. But you want it to last forever. As he disconnects, his dark brown eyes stare at you with compassion. "Your body is, though." He smiles thinly, interlacing his fingers with yours. Gently rubbing down onto your growing bulge.

 “W-Wh …” You stutter and try to protest. But your hands pull back slowly, bit by bit.

 He seats himself back on the floor, spreading your legs apart. Positioning himself closer. With care, he begins to remove your belt. Halting at the first button of your pants. "Try to relax."

 You hesitantly look on. As the zipper opens up. Latching both fingers on the band of your underwear, he slowly pulls in down. Removing your pants, revealing your member, semi-hard. Waiting for the action.

 Leaning forward, he tilts his head and slowly begins working. One simple touch and you were gone. This soft, warm tongue, stroking gently along your length. In a matter of seconds, it's standing full mast. Wrapping his fingers along the base, he continues at a slow pace. Meanwhile, your heart was beating like crazy against your ribcage. You're breathing fastened and irregular.

 “W-What’s your name?” You interrupt. His eyes connect with yours as he looks up through his laces. But doesn’t respond. “P-Please…” You whimper softly.

 He stops, holding your length in one hand. “I’m Tom.” Wetting his lips as he watches you struggle. “You doing alright?”

 You nod quickly, struggling to get your words out. Swallowing the lump in your throat. “T-T-T…om”

 But before you manage to utter another word. He brings his tongue in contact with your tip. Keeping eye contact with you. With a few simple licks, slicking it wet with his saliva. The sensation of his tongue working his way round and round your tip was tantalizing. But the sudden, slide of your tip past his lips and down into his mouth was heavenly. Your body tenses up, hip bucking into his grasp. Moaning his name in response. With your hands clamped to the side of the chair, your fingers digging deep into the wood. Turning your knuckles white, the muscles in your arm cramping up as you can't hold up. You shudder from pure bliss. Only a few strokes up and down with his hands combined with his mouth made you groan deeper and deeper.

 Your eyes widen as he suddenly stops. He rises to his feet, keeps his gaze at you, and with both hands lifting the hoodie over his head. And as the hoodie came off, your eyes hunger for every bit of exposed skin you could possibly find. Giving you a glimpse of a well-trained body. A sneak-peek of a six-pack. Broad shoulders, pecks shining through the shirt. Leaving a much revealing, loosely hanging shirt on his figure. But you feel somewhat caught the moment you get eye contact with him again. His expression was painful to watch. You could almost sense his disappointment. His misery. It's only then you realize the shame. The realization hits you that you view him as an object. As lust.

 "It's ok." Seeing his eyes soften before you, followed by a small smile.

 But it's only a split second before he's back at you again. You can't help but peak past his face down into his shirt. Past his collarbone, onto his muscular torso. God…  

 You snap back to reality, feeling his hand reach for yours. Pulling it from your side. "Hold my hair."

 "W-What…?"

 "Fuck my throat." Sliding his mouth over your member again. Slowly picking up pace. "Go on." He gurgles. Keeping eye contact the whole time.

 “Why are you doing this, Tom?” You ask with a slight tone of disappointment. "You seem so out of place." Lifting his face from your member. "Terribly out of place."

 "Please don't (Y/N)." The mention of your name makes you blush.

 "No, Tom. This isn’t right." You point at his shirt. “Let me look at you.”

 "Wha…-" He sighs, hanging his head down in shame. "No, please don't."

 "Tom, I mean no wrong." You couldn’t help yourself. You could foreshadow what was beneath that shirt. Being in that sort of business took its toll. You caught a glimpse of it when he got rid of his hoodie.

 His gaze was stuck to the floor for a moment. Contemplating on his actions. Before taking to his feet. Slow and defeated. Averting your gaze before turning around. With crossed arms, he takes the corners of his shirt. And pulls it over his head. Waiting for your reaction. You swallow the lump in your throat once again. Seeing the small spots of discolored skin on his back. The bruises. Some larger than the other. Some bright red, the others darkened. The words stock in your throat, feeling the tears well in your eyes. The thought of him suffering by the hands of others made you sick. The poor thing.

 You rise to your feet, closing the distance between you and him. Gracing your fingers on the bruises. “Do they… hurt you?” Tracing your fingers down his side. Partly feeling the muscles under your fingers. But the fact that he didn’t answer your question made you more than worried.

 “Promise me one thing, (Y/N)…” He stops your hand from trailing along the side of his figure. Resting his hand on yours. He’s glowing. Warm to the touch. You can’t help but close the distance. Placing your other hand on his hip.

 With a thin smile, he turns around. Your eyes take in every inch, from his pecs to his abs. A breathtaking body stood in front of you. Strong and masculine. But not too big. "God…" You awe. "You're g-gorgeous-..." Your throat falls dry at the sight. You feel flutters deep down. “I… I’m sorry.”

 “It’s okay.”

 Small bruises dotted down his side. Dark from color, pain from long ago. "Tom…" You mutter worryingly. All the time you awed at his body, he averted his eyes. Looking aside. You now understand why. As your eyes sink lower and lower. You spot the bulge in his pants. Impossible to hide. "Are you…" Not finishing your question because of the obvious. The red rushing to his cheeks.

 He still nods in acknowledgment. "I…I… never had this happen before.”

 “Do you…” A finger on your lips silences your words. Stepping very close to you, spotting his watery eyes up close.

"Yes! Yes, I do!" He confessed, with tears welling in the corner of his eyes. Shaking as he struggles to get his words out. "But promise me…that when…” His nostrils flaring. “-This will never work (Y/N)…" Smashing his lips into yours. You didn’t want to listen to his words. None of it. His arms reach around you, pulling you in. Wrapping your own around him, feeling every part of his skin. Pressed tight against him. Ripping the remaining clothes off your body. You just wanted to feel that perfect body. And so did he, roving his hands all over yours.

 Every kiss has a raw intensity. There’s just too much skin and too few hands and tongues to worship it all. Both your bodies collide against each other completely naked. His firm and rigid cock pressing against your skin. It glides through your hand as wet as it can be. Tom jerking you off at the same time. Moans and grunts fill the room. Tom’s member too slippery to even get a hold of. The sight of it makes you weak in the knees. The chair behind you topples over from your vicious play. As you stumble out of the kitchen. Against the doorpost, over the couch. Towards the bedroom.

 Together you fall onto the mattress. Rolling back and forth. An intense play of hands and lips. Dry humping against each other. You both can't get enough of each other. His lips kissing every inch of skin. Forcing his weight onto you, making you lay flat on your back. He arches back, and sensually starts grinding his pelvis onto yours. Rubbing your balls and cock together into a soaking wet mess. He must have done this hundreds of times. It looked so smooth and sensual. Moaning softly as he held both of your members together. With gentle hands, but a firm grasp nonetheless. Thrusting both cocks through his hand. His fingers teasing the ridges along the lengths. Spreading the pre-cum with the pad of his thumb. Looking at his face, he's so concentrated that you once again get caught staring at him.

 Both moaning, the air is thick of pheromones, the smell seeping into your mind. Both wanting it badly. As he locks eyes again, he smoothly reaches round with one hand. He seemed really flexible, propped on his knees. Arching backward as he lifts his ass up, guiding your tip to his entrance. A slight resistance gave way, allowing you to slide far and deep into him. The moment you sheath yourself into him deeper and deeper, you watch on as he shudders. Contorting his face. Both hands cling to your chest. With both his hands resting on your torso, the fingers dig deep and hard into your skin. Feeling his shaking and shuddering throughout your body. He closes his eyes for a moment, moaning your name in pleasure. And sinks further forwards to your chest. Panting heavily. After regaining himself, he adjusts his hands on your shoulder. And locks lips with yours. "Y-You… f-feel amazing." Moaning into the kiss. The praise turning you on immensely. Growing impossibly large inside of him.

 And so he slowly begins grinding his hips back and forth with your shaft deep inside him. Feeling yourself widen him further and further. Tom’s moans become long and raw. Sitting up straight again, he takes one hand and forces your cock deeper into him. Reaching further and deeper. While trying to clench his cheeks around you. Hitting different and deeper spots. The sudden increase in pressure and warmth were becoming too much. Not only for you. You see Tom's mouth fall open, gasping for air, his eyes shut tight from ecstasy. His other hand caresses the skin of his neck.

 Your grunts become shorter and shallow. You’re a lost cause. Your mind is blank, completely lost at the sexual pleasure coursing through your body. Racing towards your climax. Both hands clinging to his hips, but your strength wasn’t helping much.

 Tom could feel it coming. Your balls churn. A pent up force, craving to be released. And all it takes is a look into each other’s eyes for you to fill him up. And before you tip the point of no return. He picks up the pace. Making sure to milk every drop by clenching his cheeks harder on you. A loud gasp follows. Shuddering your body to the very core. Your hands dig deep into the side of his hips. The splashing inside is intense as you cum, spilling all over. And Tom just keeps riding. Until you just turn limb. Gasping out his name.

 "Felt good?" He asks, breathing heavily, watching his chest heave up and down. A smile on his face. You again realize what a beautiful person he was. His body atop of yours, glistening with sweat. And a damn cute smile.

 “Out of this world.” You pant, laying your head to rest on the cushion. “You’re incredible.”

 "Good." Cupping your cheeks with both hands and kissing you. The smile on his face was larger than you'd ever seen. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." You notice a sudden sparkle flaring in his eyes. Something igniting deep within.

 "How about you…?" Eyeing his erection. "You didn't blow your load." Wrapping your arms around his neck. Pulling him towards you for a slow and passionate kiss.

 "Don't you worry, I did enjoy it very much." He smiled. "More then I should." Pushing strands of hair from your forehead. "I was close…" He confesses softly.

 "Then why didn't you keep going?"

 "Because that would hurt you…" He blushed.

 "How?"

 "You can't just keep going if you blow your load. At first, it's really sensitive, but then it becomes increasingly itchy, to a point it feels like it burns. Quite painful."

 You're both lost in each other’s gaze. As he falls beside you, curling up to cuddle. Tom resting on your chest. Your fingers playing with the brown silky smooth curls of his. "What can I do to make you feel good?" You whisper to him.

 "You already did." Pressing a soft kiss on your lips. You can't help but notice the way he smiled. It's wholesome. To the point of a complete cuteness.

 "Tom, I want you to feel good too." Slowly tracing your fingers up and down his spine. "Because that smile suits you."

 "But, I don't want to hurt you (Y/N)." He looks up with a growing expression of worry on his face.

 "It won't, Tom." Cupping his cheek. "I want to feel you."

Through all the glistening sweat and wetness on your bodies. You feel his length grow against your thigh. Yourself following along. "Give it to me, baby…" You whisper close to his ear.

 Tom helps himself on his knees. His member standing fully erect, ready for you. A jolt of excitement shoots through you at the sight. It's been forever since you've been pleasured since your break up. Something you actually look forward to now. So you roll onto your knees. "Wait…" You look back at Tom. "Turn over."

 On your back again, eager and waiting, Tom takes you by the hips. Reeling you in. Positioning himself behind you. And turns you on your side.  “This is most comfortable for you.” Kneading your ass cheeks with gentle hands. Captivated by your hole. “Alright?”

 You can’t help but chuckle at his carefulness. How soft and tenderly he was approaching you. Putting a cushion under your hips. Rearranging the sheets. Therefore receiving a semi frowned questioning look from Tom.

 “Sweety, I know what you’re going to do.” You give him a reassuring smile. “I’m ready.”

 “Trust me, if you do it wrong, it’ll hurt like hell.” Giving you a little kiss. “I wouldn’t want that to happen.” You stare at each other for half a second. You draw a deep breath, dizzy with anticipation.

 He moves one leg aside, revealing your entrance. A little gasp of excitement leaves, as you feel his tip slowly slide at your hole. “Please tell me if it hurts.” He asks. You nod eagerly. His hands grip onto your hips, the pressure on your entrance increasing. You lick your lips and suck in another deep breath.  You stifle a groan as you feel your sphincter grip the head of his cock. You’re legs feel numb. You close your eyes, overwhelmed by the feeling, releasing a silent moan.

 He holds the moment your face contorts even the slightest, waiting for you to adjust. Slowly accepting his length. Every inch he enters you, you hear his grunts become heavier. Your warmth and light wetness guiding him deeper. “Y-You’re tight.” He moans, trying to regain this breath. “Fuck…” Wiping the sweat from his face.

 Your dick is throbbing, there was no other way to describe it. Pressed against the sheets. No stimulation but only the motion of his thrusts. Stimulated by his presence. His looks. His thrusts. You're breathless, staring at his physique. He is masculine, but not too much. So complete. The view of his muscles tensing and relaxing. Utterly mesmerizing to watch. Even as he begins to move back and forth. Sweat breaks out all over your body at the first couple of thrusts. Very slow and lovingly.

 Stretching your further as he goes in. His breathing slow and ragged. He pushed deep. Reaching far inside you. Warming places you didn’t know you had. The feeling of his dick fully inside you was driving you to the point of an unexpected climax already. The rigidness of his cock, rubbing your insides. Making you shudder to your very core while praising his name. Your cock already leaking on the sheets.

 The pressure inside you rising faster than ever before. It’s impossible to think straight, his pace was slow and passionate. Yet, you only feel his cock hitting your insides. You grip your sheets, whimpering uncontrollably. You only manage to utter his name, squirming under his pressure. The cum just starts pouring out of you, uncontrollable amounts soaking the already wet area. Tom follows up with another thrust, making you squirt even further. You moan long and hard, feeling your entire body shudder from the release. “Holy s-shit… Tom.” You sputter.

 As you open your eyes, you watch Tom hunched forward. Panting heavily. Eyes clenched shut. "Tom…?" You ask. He holds his hand up to you. Signaling you to wait. After he regains himself again, he positions himself further above you. You hear his hot ragged breath, tightly hugging his hips against your ass cheeks. Cock buried deep inside you. “F-Fuck, (Y/N)…” He grunts. “That was hot…”

 He takes a moment to gather himself again. You do the same. Catching your breath and calming your senses. You wait for Tom to move again.  Before he does, he starts to pepper your body with wet, hot kisses. Moaning your name softly as he begins to roll his hips.

 Goosebumps shoot across your skin at the mention of your name. A sudden yelp escapes your lips, grabbing his attention immediately. To your surprise, you feel a moist sensation touching your cock. You gaze at your member, while it hardens without touch. Only by a few thrusts from his shaft.

 “Shit…” He grunts as he wraps his fingers around your length. An awkward position, but he manages. Stroking your cock, coated by your own cum, slow and steady. Completely captivated by it. You sense it's turning him on immensely, as you feel him thicken inside you.

 You release a silent moan as your mouth falls open. Feeling his girth stretch you even further. The ridges rubbing you in unexpected ways. After a few strokes, he loses his grip, licking the wetness from his fingers, one by one. You watch as he sucks each of his fingers dry in his mouth. “Fuckin’ hell...” He groans. “That’s really good." Leaning in, he lands his lips on yours. "I'm getting close, baby." He moans into the kiss.

 “Go for it.” You whisper into his ear. Holding him close. “Blow your load for me.” As he picks up pace. Desperate for release. His cock feeling incredibly hard inside you. Swelling even further at the mention of your dirty talk. “Blow it all inside me.”

 He grunts deep and hard into your ear. Rolling his hips faster and faster into you. “C’mon, baby.” You encourage him. Feeling his cock grow inside you. His breathing quickens, as does his momentum. Rutting into you faster than before. Not relentlessly, but with a comfortable pace.

 Already widened and stretched from before, you feel his cock hitting you deep again. Each time he hits your thrust back, hitting that same spot, you feel the sensation ache in your cock. Twitching from pleasure. “R-Right there, Tom.” You gasp again.

 He shoots a look at you, realization hitting him that you’re getting close again. “Keep going.” You moan out loud. Not a moment later, you feel him pulse inside you. With a cry, he thrust once more, deep and hard into you. You lift your ass to meet his thrust, his balls slap against your skin. The splashing inside you as he cums is so intense that you feel it spilling down your cheeks. Your mind goes blank. Watching him pump load after load into you. Your cock twitches, barely holding on. As your insides were coated.

 He just pulls out, like a plug of a bathtub. You gasp of relief, feeling the wetness seep outwards.  Drops of wetness fly from his still erect member as it bounces upward. Giving a quick tug on your legs, so you end on your back again. Spreading your legs.

 You’re out of breath for a moment. Not sure what he was going to do. Watching your own dick spring back into view again. All wet and swollen. With force, he pulls you to the side of the bed and kneels down. His fingers wrap around your member. As he suddenly starts suckling on your balls. It's strange ticklish feeling at first, but combined with his firm grasp on your length, and strokes, it became more than that. Your balls begin to churn. Gripping the sheets around you, your head falls back onto the mattress, overwhelmed by this quick handling.  

 “T-Tom!” You cry out. “God!” You plant both your feet on the mattress. You shut your eyes tight, pressing your head back into the mattress, thrusting your hips into his grasp. But he doesn’t slow down.

 “Tom!” You burst out, not only in words. Your eyes widen, gasping out loud as he rubs down hard on your shaft. Cum jets from your swollen cock. Stroking you hard, milking every last possible drop.

 It's only hazy from thereon…

 You’re not sure if you passed out, but it felt like you sprayed the ceiling with your load. The next moment you open your eyes, you find Tom cuddled up against you. Just some sheets covering a few parts. “Did I pass out or…?”

 “You didn’t.” He chuckles, looking up at you with a smile on his face. “You dozed off very shortly after. I don’t blame you.” He sniffles while tracing a finger up and down your chest. You wrap your arm around him. Just living in the moment. "I'm so happy, your friend picked me." He whispered to you. That comment stuck with you.

 "Thank you, Tom." Pressing your lips on his forehead, tasting a taint of salt. Picking a few strands of hair from his forehead. Cuddling together in the safe comfort of each other. The sharing of interests you had in common. Followed by simple chatter about the things in life. Making each other laugh. Having a good time. For once, in a very long time, you felt whole again. His smile. His presence, something felt right. Something clicked.

 And it's that sort of thing you just can’t get enough of. Your eyes are glued to him. The heat rising in your system. That flutter in your stomach. It hurts. In a good way. He is everything you ever wanted in a man.

 You love him.

 All cuddled up against each other, it falls to you how sticky everything actually really his. His skin glistening with sweat and wetness.

 “How about we freshen up?” Rustling your fingers through his curls. “Shower is big enough for both of us.”

 “Good idea.” His lips meeting yours in agreement. "I'll gladly join you."

 Being close to together, naked, warm water, and soap. Things get heated again. You don't know how long you been in the shower. And you don't mind. Because for the time, you felt the rush of living again. Being alive. Receiving praise. Kind words whispered into your ear.

No denying that his smile was infectious. A smile that wouldn't disappear, you noticed. Tom was a whole different person to the one that stepped in earlier tonight. Deep down, you could feel that this version of him was the real him. Loving, caring, passionate.

 And no matter how dangerous shower sex was told to be. You did it. And more. Memories burned into your mind forever.

 You take a moment longer to rinse off the sweat and wetness under the steaming hot water. Recollecting those wonderful moments again. Tom already out. You can't seem to shake your smile. This was right. This is how life should be.

 Turning into the bedroom with your towel wrapped around your waist, your smile drops immediately. "Where you going?" He hastily pushes his phone back into his pocket. Tom was already dressed, ready to put on his jacket.

 "I have to go." He mumbled, avoiding your gaze. His smile nowhere to be seen.

 "Please, just stay."  This moment was bound to happen. But you weren’t going to give in. You’ve seen enough people leave through that door. "Stay with me."

 "I… I… can't… I need to go." Checking the time on his phone.

 "You don't have to do this, you know. I can-" But midsentence, you're cut off.

 "Don’t… (Y/N).” His voice skips a beat. You’re pretty sure you could see tears welling in his eyes. You have to fight to keep them back as well. “P-Please…” He stutters, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand. “Don’t make this harder than it already is."

 "Tom, it's doesn't have to be this way."

 "I warned you. It can't be helped." He sobbed. An hour ago, the man standing in front of you was majestic, beautiful, and full of life. What remained now was nothing of that. Hunched shoulders and hands stuffed into his pockets. Eyes wet from tears.

 "I'll take a chance."

 "Please, stay out of it. Just leave me be. Forget about me."

 "Oh no, I can't. Not in a million years. I'll get you out whatever shithole you got yourself into." You’re just glad he didn’t walk right out. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to follow him. Something was holding him back.

 "It's not worth it. It can't be fixed."

 "Everything takes time to heal."

 "Not me, not me." He snickers. “I… I need to go.”

 You rush to your drawers, pulling fresh clothes out as fast as you can. "Wait, I'll bring you wherever you're going."

 "You'll get into trouble if they see you."

 "I don't care." You quip while jumping into a pair of pants.

 "But I do!" He cries. “I do!”

 "The feeling is mutual." You growled. With your shoes and jacket on, you interlace fingers with his. Dragging him outside. And as you open the door, the pizza delivery shows up. “P-… Pizza delivery?” The man hesitates, looking at the both of you weirded out. “Here.” You shove a bill of cash into his hands. "Now, go!" He instantly rushes off onto the street. With screeching tires, the little scooter darts back up the road. In a big arch, you toss the pizza inside, cheese, and all flying everywhere before you close the door behind you.

 The car ride was uneasy, to say the least. No music. Only darkness and the rain hitting the windshield. Sometimes a finger, pointing you in the right direction. You appeared mad. To say you weren't was a misconception. But not at him. And what kind of music was even appropriate at that moment? Your mind was conflicted. You could just drive the opposite direction. Away from it all. He would be save.

 Would he?

 You couldn’t judge if you didn’t know where he was living. What if they came after him? That would endanger you as well. No, this required a different approach. This needed planning. God, you were in a state to do anything.

 Breath in, breath out. Calm yourself down.

  Hope.

Was it misplaced hope

?

 Hope for a happy ending.

 But hope is the worst of all evils, for it prolongs the torment of men. Words from an old book. Spoken by wise old men as they say. But in the end, the truth runs from the first to the very last word. How naive could you be? Deep down, you knew this was impossible. His words spoken earlier that evening kept circling in the back of your mind. Yet, you cling to that glimmer of hope. Those words in the shower. Those moments together. This couldn't be it?

 You hoped not.

  “Stop here.” He says. “It’s down that alley.” Pointing to a small flickering light in the distance. You could only get a glimpse as the windscreen wipers came by to clear the pouring rain from your window. You spot the outline of a figure standing there. "Turn around the moment I enter that alley. Don't come near.”  

 “I need your number.” Pulling out your phone. But he had already opened the door. “Tom!” You hissed, leaning over to passenger’s seat. Barely in time to get a hold of his arm. “How can I find you?” The wind and rain washing into the car. You have to blink once or twice to keep the rain out of your eyes. “Tom?!”

 “T-Thank you for tonight, (Y/N).”

 "No! Tom!" Tears welling in the corner of your eyes. Awkwardly constrained by your seatbelt, struggling to get a firm grasp on his hand. "Don't do this!" Your fingers begin to lose their grip on his hand, the rain hitting you relentlessly. This sting of pain. You felt this moment before. Slowly slipping away from your fingers. "Not like this!"

 "I'm so sorry…" And with a tug, he pulls his arm free, slamming the door into your face.

 You scream from the top of your lungs. Tears rolling down your cheek, you fumble with the seatbelt. But it won't open. Tears cloud your vision, anger raging from deep within. Forcing you to watch him run through the rain towards that accursed alley. You let your fury loose on anything in range. Until you're deprived of energy. Resting your forehead against the steering wheel. Watching the tears fall from your cheeks. You lost.

 A knock on your window makes you jump. “G-Hello?” A thick accent calls out to you. Your eyes spot the contours of a man. His face closing in on the window. His features unpleasant to the eye, looking like a common fugitive. Not with the best intention. "You zhould not be ghere.”

 So many things raced through your mind. You could just mash the door against his burly, ugly set face. Giving you an advantage to whatever came next. But… What would you achieve with that?

You nod quickly and steer your car the way you came. Driving around mindlessly. Gaze fixated on the horizon.

 It’s been minutes, hours, and days. They’re as grueling as you could possibly imagine. Tormented by your own thoughts. How could you save Tom? You couldn't admit to yourself that you actually knew nothing. There's only a location. That's all.

 Taking a few days off only makes it worse. Sleep doesn’t come at all. Falling back on drinking makes no difference. It only forces out the anger. Until the tipping point of intoxicating takes over your senses.

 Until your eyes spot the flyer, you’re hands tremble as you gaze on the picture of Tom. In all fairness, there wasn’t even a name mentioned. Only a number, like a damn menu. You scramble for your phone, shaking with nervousness. It takes a moment for the number to connect, until you hear a lady’s voice call out the name of the business.

 “Ehm… Hello, I… want Tom, p-please." You stutter, sweat breaking out across your body. While your fingers play with the edges of the picture. Gaze stuck on the picture of Tom. It remains silent on the other end of the line.

 “He doesn’t work here.” That single comment makes your blood boil. The thought that some filthy businessman groping him was sickening.

 “I meant number 26.”

 “I don’t know either. Anyone else?”

 “JUST GIVE ME FUCKING TOM!” You scream from the top of your lungs. “How hard can it be!”

 "I'm afraid I can't help you, sir." And the line disconnects. You're fumingly mad. Realizing your failure.  Gritting your teeth, you barely able to control yourself. Your thoughts sink deeper, and deeper in desperation. You could pull each and every single hair out of your skull out of frustration. Kicking chairs over and destroying stuff didn't satisfy in any way. Only the pain halted you momentarily. This couldn't be the end. You wouldn't let it end this way. You can't.

 You can’t let him go.

  - - - - -

From around the corner, you watch the alleyway. It’s been days. You thought this through countless times. Overthinking is what they call it. Days on end. If Tom was there, you needed to take a shot. You have to do something. What else is there to live for anyway? That is one way to boost your morale you chuckle to yourself. You take one last sip from the bottle before putting in back in your car. Releasing a hiss as the strong liquor burns its way down your throat. In a weird way, it makes your head clearer. Calms the nerves. Brings peace to your mind. Boosts your confidence. If only for this moment. You double-check the surroundings. Everything's in place.

 With confidence in your step, you lock your car around the corner and make your way down the street. You straighten your collars before sheathing them in the pockets of your jacket.  It takes quite a few steps to get there. The man on the corner of the alleyway can’t help but notice you. Trying casually to walk towards you. And as you approach the man, you notice he’s definitely one size larger than you. It surely wasn't the man that warned you in your car. This one had a more pleasant and kinder look to him. "G-Hey you…" He nods at you. "You ghot businez here?” Speaking with the same Eastern European accent as the other.

 You halt in front of him. Taking a moment to answer him, trying to keep your nerves in check. While looking calm at the same time. “I’m here for this.” Revealing the flyer from your pocket. “Is the manager in?”

 “Da, but why zhould I let you through?”

 You sigh with discontent. Revealing a stack of money from your pocket. "Here." Handing him twenty or so bills. "Don't bother me anymore." And take the gamble by walking past him. You hear a whistle behind you. Just as you are about to turn into the dim-lit alleyway, another man halts you. An impressively large man. You weren’t small either. But he towered over you, by far.

 “Got any on ya?” Surprisingly, this man wasn’t Eastern European looking or sounding at all. Holding your hands up beside you, you shake no. But the man still searches you. Keeping an eye on you at all costs. Mumbling to himself a few things. "Follow me."

 Through the dark passage, you’re led towards a metal door. Only a dim light above it shows the entrance. The rest is barely visible. The man engages the locking mechanism and opens the door. Through a series of corridors and stairs, you get the impression of this operation. A series of rooms, followed by cells. Giving you an inside look of how dilapidated and horrifying the building actually is. Your worst nightmare just becomes a reality. It's beyond belief how Tom managed to survive in these conditions.

 You try to keep your gaze fixated on the man in front of you as you follow him. But you desperately hope to see Tom here somewhere. What if you don't get out of here… alive? You draw a deep breath and focus on what’s next. A sudden halt at a room, makes you jump a little. “In here.” Pointing inward to an older lady behind a desk. "Make your request." He grunts, crossing his arms as several other people in the room watching you enter.

 “How can I help you, sir?” The woman kindly asks you. You recognize her voice from the phone earlier this week.

 “Alright.” You say, unimpressed. “Cut the middleman.” Turning around to the large man. “Bring me to the manager.” His gaze far from friendly. From the corner of your eyes, you see the nearby, you guess guards, take a step closer. Some whispering to each other. As the large man takes a few steps towards you. Ending up so close to you, he’s literally looking down on you. The smell of smoke and sweat hinted at your nostrils. His warm, foul breath fanning onto your hair.

 “Why should we… little one?” He growled demeaningly. Not a smile in sight. “You walk into here with loads of cash, and demand to see the manager. What is so important you have that you need to see the manager?” Crackling his knuckles close to your face. His hands were large, fingers short but fatty. Stained by all kinds of things you rather wouldn’t know about. “For all I know, you were never here, to begin with…”

 “Excellent threat." You sniffle, revealing a stack from your pocket. As you do in the process, you hear guns being cocked. "Here." Stuffing the stack into his pocket. “Problem is, my burly friend…” You gaze up to him, forcing a grin on your face.  “I didn’t wander in here unprepared. You see, If I don’t return within… let’s say… the next two hours-…” Letting the moment sink in. Eyeing the people in the room. Everyone eager listening in on your little conversation. “-shits going down.”  

 “What did you call me?” His hand resting upon your shoulder, leaning down.

 “Do you call the shots for your boss?” You tilt your head slightly. Looking at him with a playful smile. “I don’t think he’ll appreciate the news I have regarding his ratline from Europe.”

 The man looks past you, nodding to the lady behind the desk. Returning his gaze to you.

 "Not willing to take the risk, hmmm?" You joke. Behind your back, you hear several whispers. The eyes of the man shot back and forth between the lady and you. Before pushing you down the hallway again. Again leading you through some corridors, down the staircase. Ending up in a luxurious room.

 Behind a desk sat a figure, so bulbous and fat, you’d never seen anything alike. Gold rings on his meaty fingers. The room decorated in some sort of Russian style. The left wall accommodating a series of monitors. Probably surveillance. But as you keep your eyes longer on the screens, you see the prostitutes. Man and women. You try to keep a straight face. “I heard interesting things about you, young man…” The blob of a man behind the desk mutters.

 “I always thought Russians started with a drink, before doing business.” Keeping a straight face.

 The flesh of its body bounces and flays around as it laughs loudly. Signaling the large man to pour the glasses. He couldn’t even do it himself anymore, his fat little arms limiting his movement. “Nasdrovia!” You both cheer and cling the glasses, chucking the content.

 “Let’s talk business.” The man says with a thick voice.

 "I have intel, concerning the safety of your cargo." You glance over to the guards. "Can we get the room to us.” Looking at the Russian for a confirmation.

 "Give him a minute." He waves at you with his fat fingers. "Continue." The large man that led you here hesitates. Keeping his eyes on you. "Go!" The Russian shouts again, waiting for the door to close.

 You take a deep breath. And focus on the conversation. The details are important. Focus.

“You need to relocate within the next… 24 hours.” Checking your watch. “They’re on to you.”

 “How do you know?” He burst out laughing. “Do you have any evidence? Because my business is at an all-time high. My man and woman are booked like never before. I even have a new shipment comin-”

 "Container #556121 on the SSE Georgia has been snitched." You say with a reassuring tone. "Go ahead. Tell me if I'm wrong." He has a distrusting look on his face, hesitant to believe you. But still goes ahead to unlock his drawer, revealing a sort of book and a laptop.

 Bluff. Neither the name of the ship or the number was anything close to what you were supposed to say. Through all the nerves, you just made something up. You just simply couldn't remember what the police told you. Your heart pounded in your chest. It's now or never. Everything depended on the next few minutes. On that little wire, you were carrying. The strength of your arms. Your will. And above all, the speed of the police. Your fingers tremble as you grab your watch. It's bound to happen at any moment.

 What happened next went so fast. It's all a blur. One distant gunshot set off a chain reaction. You jump over the desk as the door behind you swings open, blood splatters all across. The razor-thin wire detaches from your watch, and you swing it around the neck of the bulbous man. His fat little arms couldn’t reach around. Shielding behind his humongous chair and body, you restrain him. You watch the bullet impacts on the wall near you as the guard curses loudly. The fat man’s arms flap around.  “Tell me about Tom, you fat fuck!” You shout. “I need to know!” Tightening the wire. With your “Where is he!?” Bashing his head from behind. “WHERE IS HE?!”

 The man fights and struggles heavily, barely able to breathe—coughing and desperate for air. The giant oak chair the man sat in, shook and trembled on the floor by the man's panicking movements. Screeching back and forth. His spasming legs hit the desk to the floor. Sending loads of stuff flying. The man points his finger to the guard. “K-K-Kill T…Tom!” He gurgles to the guard. The words reach your ears moments later, processing what the man just said. You panic as the guards suddenly darts off, grabbing his phone.

 “Noooooo!” Storming off towards the door, fueled by rage. Blinded by anger. Falling over several items on the floor. You regain your footing and continue to run towards the door. Turning the corner without a second thought.

 A bright flash. A high pitched noise. A ringing in your ear. A wince of pain, tearing into you, forcing every thought out of your mind, paralyzing your body. Only by a deep groan. Your eyes are blurry, your vision doubles as you stagger on your feet. Trying to blink it away didn’t help. You feel the pain worsen. Deepen. Sharp pain lances at your abdomen. Another flash close by. Jerking your body around.  Excruciating pain. It all happens with such force. It sends you stumbling backward. Your hands reach for the doorpost, trying to remain afoot. Holding on for life. But strength ebbs away. Your limbs feel numb. Fingers shaking, losing its grip. Slumping down to the floor, onto your knees. Everything hurt. Sharp, deep, unstoppable pain. Each exhale of breath stings your insides. Chocking the breath from your lungs. Your vision blurs, slowly turning red—darkness pressing in.

 But it wasn’t your vision turning red. It’s the pool of crimson red blood forming under your hands. Warming your pale, cold hands, oozing from your wounds. Panic hits. You’re short of breath, experiencing extreme difficulty with breathing. The cold gripping you. Your words strangled by the welling of warm blood, filling your throat. “T-Tom…” You manage to bring out in faltering gasps. Draining the last bit of energy left in you. “T...o...m…” Before your arms give in. Your head slamming against the crimson tainted concrete.

 Then silence.

 Silence.

 …

 …

 ...

 Is death near?

 …

 …

 ...

 That ringing noise in your ear. Coming closer.  Your head felt heavy and painful. As you slowly regain consciousness. You blink a couple of times to readjust to the intense light blinding your eyes. After a moment, you notice the light that shines in your eyes are rays of sunlight. Your try uttering a few words. But your throat was as dry as the desert, and rough like sandpaper. Forcing out an awful cough. "Am... I in heaven?" Your voice sounding croaked and harsh. Followed by another coughing fit. Your lungs hurt. A sharp pain lancing in your chest. Contorting your insides. Everything hurts. Each movement you made, your bones and muscles ache in response.

 “Sir?” A calming voice of a woman called to you. “Sir, how are you feeling?”

 “Terrible.” You cough, struggling to breathe. “Where am I?”

 “The hospital.” A young woman in nursery clothing showed up in your field of view. “You’re in good hands.” Everything looked pale white. Painfully white to the eyes. “You’re going to be fine.”

You have difficulty in paying attention to her. Your vision doubles, sound dissipates. She was trying to say something, but you couldn’t follow it.

 “The man that saved you is here.” Shaking your arm. "Sir..." Trying to keep you from passing out. "Look.” Helping you up. Your eyes slowly adjusting to the light, taking in the room. Loads of flowers decorated the space. Accompanied by colorful cards on the wall. “He stayed by your side the moment you came in. We could-"

 Her words fall to deaf ears. You couldn't believe your eyes. Blinking repeatedly. You try to sharpen the image. The tears welling in your eyes, not helping a bit.

 “This is heaven.” You mumble. The woman stops and looks at you. Giggling at your comment. Sitting there beside you, resting his head against the side of your bed. Eyes shut, snoring softly with his coat wrapped around him. "T-To…m…"  You try to say, falling into a terrible cough.  

 He jumps a little in his seat by the touch of the nurse. Rubbing the sleepers from his eyes, taking a moment to gather his bearings. But that moment you make eye contact. “(Y/N)!” He cries out. You can’t believe your eyes.

 “It’s really you.” You cough while trying to sit up. Tears streaming freely down your cheeks. "T-Tom!"

 "I can't believe it!" He snickers. Diving onto you, his arms closing around you, sobbing against your neck. You remain like this for a while. Deep in his embrace. Tears, only tears. But tears of happiness. You couldn’t remember when you experienced those.

 “T-Tom…?” You’re afraid to ask but needed to know. “Is… is it over? Is it done? A-Are you free...?”

  “Yes…” He nods, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Yes, I am. You did it. It's over." Cupping your cheeks with both hands, kissing you like you never been before. Euphoria. Blessed. Relieved. You feel alive.

“I cried myself to sleep that night (Y/N). Thinking I would never see you again.”  

 You nod. "I felt so lost without you." Knowing precisely what he meant. "I was so scared, Tom. I… I… thought I… was d-dying." Your body shakes at the thought and recollection of that moment. "It all… happened-d… and… I… I… m-missed you… so m-m-much." The sobs turn into long wails of emotions running freely.

 "It's ok." His arms reach around you, hugging your fragile body close to him. Letting all the tears flow freely. Crying in each other’s arms. "We’re going to be fine.”

 You hold him close, not ever wanting him to go. Locking eyes with him again. The reality of him beside you was heartwarming. That wonderful smile. It filled you with joy and happiness. But the questions burned at the back of your mind. "The nurse said you were the one who saved me? How…?"

 "I found you..." Enveloping your hands in his, pressing kisses to your cold fingers. "-on the floor." His eyes turn red, the tears running down his cheek. Crying for a moment, before he continues.

"A-A-After I heard the first shots close by, everything went so fast. I... saw guards being shot, and I ran… I knew something was wrong. I heard more shots. And… that’s when I turned the corner… I found you..." He weeps. "One moment you were there…" His blood-red eyes look at you with terror. "-the other I realized you were… close to… d-dying in my arms."

 You can't help but kiss him, hold him close. Comfort him as he wailed softly.

"Poor thing." The tears rolling down your cheek. “It’s going to better from here on out. I promise, Tom. I promise you.”

 "I love you (Y/N)." He whispers. His watery eyes lock with yours. "I love you with all my heart."