#im writing this at like 12:30am

[dangaer]

ngl i definitely want the confidence to always be able to send people at least 2 memes from ask prompts in 2023.

[sunshinereddie]

there is a very real possibility that the next chapter of puppy love will push this fic over the 100k word count.......... dear god 

like i could always split this chapter into 2 parts, but if i do that then the first part wouldn’t actually have too much going on in it, and i wouldn’t want to bore people with another “filler” chapter. but then again, if i keep it as one long chapter, it’s probably gonna end up being around 14k words. FOR ONE CHAPTER. sigh i don’t know what to do !!!!!!!! 

[bwere]

DO YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT?

DARK CONTENT: f!reader, modern!au, exhibition, age gap, orál, degradation, taboo themes, pssy eating, raw-dogging, some angst/fluff, masturbation, toxicity, pure filth

scrubs, temptation and lust—it’s been awhile since you’ve had some work thrill. are you determined to keep your composure? or are you ready to give in to your desires.

hopefully i can try and get these out within three weeks, im so excited to finally write this.

WHAT TIME WORKS FOR YOU?

CHOSO KAMO @ 9:00AM

PURRRFECT DECEPTION — a dedicated veterinarian, who had seen countless cats in his clinic. but when a seemingly cute cat came in for shots started going feral after seeing the needle, he had to call the owner in, never would he have imagined you to be so captivating. how far is he willing to go to keep you coming back?

GETO SUGURU @ 10:30AM

TIME FOR YOUR YEARLY CHECK UP — when your yearly check up came around, your old doctor had gotten fired prior months before and you weren’t even notified. it finally dawned on you when the long haired hunk in scrubs stood in front of you telling you to undress so he could get a better look…

GOJO SATORU @ 4:25PM

OPEN WIDE, LET ME SEE THAT SMILE — you finally were able to actually work as a dentist’s assistant, and at the best rated dentistry in the city? and while it seemed like a dream come true, your boss was beyond annoying, flirting with everyone who landed in his chair.

TOJI FUSHIGURO @ 6:35PM

PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT — your body had been aching since you had gotten into a car crash a couple months ago, nothing seemed to work, you tried yoga, hot patches and salt baths. seeking your doctor for relief, he gives you the number to a well known physical therapist.

SUKUNA RYOMEN @ 12:00AM

LITTLE MISS SECRETARY — notorious for firing his secretaries left and right—for even breathing wrong. he had no compassion when it came to his employees, until you came for an interview. he was quick to dismiss you, asking why you think you deserve to be by his side. if he won't take words for an answer, how about actions?

@bwere 2024; let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist

[stvrn-tr1ps]

”i bet you don’t know french.”

pairing: stoner!chris x female!reader

warnings: SMUT!!!!, smoking/weed, usage of pet names (ma, pretty girl, sweetheart, ect.) mentions of alcohol, p in v, dominantish chris, light choking, aftercare, umm i think thats it?!?! minors dni or do idc (lmk if i missed smth, first time writing smut don’t come 4 me)

summary: chris confesses his love for y/n in french not knowing she could understand him.

if you don’t like it don’t read it‼️‼️‼️

i was never the type to smoke or drink until i met chris. the first time i smoked weed i was with chris. the first time a drank i was with chris. i never really stopped so we smoke together all the time. speaking of im on my way to his apartment right now.

i knocked on the door for to be opened to chris standing there already smoking a blunt. “hey ma. how have you been?” he asks as he steps aside to let me in. “good.” i say with a soft smile as i go in to hug chris. “thats good. come on lets go on the balcony.” he motions for me to follow him and i do. once we get out there he hands me the blunt that he was already smoking. “can you do a french inhale?” i ask. I’ve always sucked ay doing them and was curious to see if chris could.

“yea let me see it.” he says pointing towards the blunt. like he said he could, he did a near flawless french inhale. i laughed and rolled my eyes. “whatever i bet you don’t speak any french.” i figured he didn’t he was never the schooling type like i was. i took french in high school. “je t'aime ton prénom, je l'ai toujours aimé.” (i love you y/n, i always have.) (if this is wrong don’t come after me i got ts from google translate😭) he said in immediate response. i jerk my head back in shock. he loves me? “holyy shit was does that mean?” i say playing dumb i know exactly what he just said. his eyes go wide “oh uhh it means, do you wanna have lunch tomorrow” he said almost like a question like he couldn’t convince himself thats what he just said.

“damn i was not expecting you to know french.” i said laughing it off. he gave me a tight smile in response. “i had a lot of fun today chris. i’ve missed hanging out with you all the time.” he sighed “me to y/n. we should hang again tomorrow?” he said like it was half statement half question. “yeah sure see you tomorrow chris” “see ya ma.” he said as he shut and locked his apartment door behind me.

its now around 12:30am and ever since i left chris’ apartment yesterday i haven’t been able to stop thinking about what he said. “i love you y/n i always have.” what.the.fuck. what do i do? i mean he’s my best friend and has been since like 7th grade. before i can stop myself my phone is in my hand and im calling chris. “hello? y/n is everything okay? its 12:35 in the fucking morning.” he answers. you can tell i woke him uo his voice is deep and raspy. “i-i’m sorry chris. i know this is random but can i come over like right now?” he pauses and for a second i thought he hung up but i can hear him exhale over the phone. i shake my head and smile to myself, kid already lit a blunt. “i mean yeah sure. is everything okay?” i exhale a breath i didn’t even know i was holding. “okay thanks i’ll be there in 15 bye!” before he can say bye back the phone is hung up and i’m out of the door.

once i get to chris’ apartment i freeze before knocking. im so nervous but i do it anyway. he answers the door. chris is shirtless with gray sweatpants hanging dangerously low to his waist and a blunt between his fingers. “y/n are you okay? why are you here? not that i don’t want you here it just-“ before he can continue his sentence any longer i smash my lips into his. the kiss is deep and passionate. bye the time we release each others lips we’re gasping for breath. “when you said you loved me in french today, i understood.” he just shakes his head and laughs as he tosses me over his shoulder leading us to his bedroom. “you have no idea how long ive wanted this y/n.” he says just above a whisper.

he tossed me onto his bed and hovers over me. he goes in for another kiss. this one isn’t like the first this one is rough and dominating. as he works his tongue he reaches for the hem of my shirt. “take this off, yeah?” he asks. i smile and shake my head knowing i have no bra on underneath. i pull my shirt off and he lets out a groan. “so fucking beautiful y/n.” he says and he kneads one of my boobs. “and their all fucking mine.” he says grabbing the other. he lets go of one of my breasts and wraps his veiny hand around my neck. “say it y/n who does your body belong to? who do you belong to?” i let out a small whimper “y-you all you chris.” he smirks with satisfaction and amusement. “good girl, ma. such a good girl.” he praises. to this i let out a moan and start to grind my hips against him for some kind of friction. “ah ah y/n. be patient i’ll give you what you want pretty girl.” another whimper escapes my lips. “such a whiny girl. why don’t i fuck that whininess out of you, yeah?” i bob my head up and down at the speed of light in the hopes he will work faster.

he laughs and shakes his head. he slides off my sweats and underwear throwing them somewhere in the room. he smirks in amusement when he sees my pussy. “already so wet for what ma? i’ve barley started pretty girl.” he teases “please” i whine. “please what baby? i need words.” i’m breathless and i have no idea why. “please please fuck me chris please.” before i can get another word out he slams into me almost taking my breath away. “chris!” i moaned out. my nails are digging into his back probably drawing blood. “thats it baby. scratch me up, mark me.” “chris please! oh my god!” i moan and sputter out as he continues to thrust into me ruthlessly. “your so fucking tight y/n.” after a few more thrust im about to come. “come for me ma make a mess all over my dick.” his words send me over the edge and im quickly coming.

chris gets up from the bed. “be right back sweetheart.” he says and next thing i know i feel something against my pussy. i whimper. “still sensitive, no more.” he chuckles. “no baby im just cleaning you up.” i nod in response and close my eyes. im almost asleep when i feel the bed dip next to me. “g’night chris. “goodnight sweet girl.

AN: ... i’ve never written smut b4 don’t attack me. SORRY BEING INACTIVE.

[inf3ct3dd]

WUSYANAME.

‘you are my type, you’re a bright light, and im like a moth’

summary: the girls are at the pool again…..

warnings: blood n boobs 🤫 and a veeeery small mention of barfing

content: black!reader x bsf!ellie, a lil bit of tension….🙈 , r means reader

authors note: this is so fun to write 😇😇 sawry its not v plot focused im feeling kinda sillyyyy

next chapter. masterlist.

the sun was bathing on your face, spilling into your room from the window. the summer heat let you sleep without a blanket,sprawled out on your bed, laying on your stomach.

the bright light was interrupted by a certain someone crawling in your window, messily stumbling inside.

your cat let out a confused meow, and you stayed steady asleep.

ellie not so quietly walked over to your bed, knocking over an empty cup in the process.

“WAKE UPPPP!!!”

you groggily open your eyes, courtesy of ellie aggressively shaking your arms from on top of you, disturbing your very peaceful sleep.

“im up, jesus.” you rub the sleep out of your eyes, and ellie finally calms herself.

normally, if someone busted through your window and shook you awake you’d be mildly alarmed, but ellies made you extremely used to it. hell, you probably wouldn’t even notice if someone busted in to murder you.

— 　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

same room, worse decorations. and the same unceremonious entry, but this time , you were alerted by your curtains.

the noise startles you out of your sleep, grabbing your pillow and standing towards the danger.

“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU??” your voice booms through your room, quickly turning towards your window, pillow in hand.

“holy shit, its me!!” ellie raises her hands in defense, eyes wide and chuckling.

when you’re confronted with the familiar face, your heart rate slows and you drop the pillow.

“dude, what the fuck! i almost killed you!!”

“with that?” ellie gestures to the pillow on the ground, a goofy smirk on her face.

“hey, i could’ve smothered you.”

“id like to see you try.” ellie drops onto your couch, relaxing into the cushions.

“why are you here anyways?” you sit next to her, a confused look on your face.

“you want me to leave?”

“…no.” you admit, leaning back.

“i was bored, missed you.” she casually remarks, resting her head on your shoulder.

“why couldn’t you come through the front door?”

“oh, are we not at ‘breaking in through eachothers window” base yet?” ellie laughs, and you can feel it on your shoulder.

“i mean, i guess we are now” and you lean onto her head, her tea tree shampoo flooding your nose.

“what a significant milestone we’ve reached.” your sarcasm is very apparent, but it was genuine all the same.

“truly.”

— 　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“thought you were in a coma or something, shit.”

you look over to your alarm clock,“11:30am” glowing in red letters.

“its still earlyyyy, i could’ve still been sleeping.” you whine, turning over on your side.

“its almost 12, r.”

“you sleep until like 4pm ellie, who are you to make me wake up right now?” you face her again, a questioning look on your face.

“your best friend , who you love more than anything.”

you roll your eyes at her,knowing she’s right, tucking your arm under your head.

“just lemme sleep in a liiiiittle longer, please?” you plead with her, dragging out your words.

“cmon,its pool day!”

right, pool day.

today, june 4th , is the anniversary of the first time you met ellie. according to the both of you, its “the fourth of july but wildly more awesome and significant.” every year, no matter what, the two of you go back and swim together. ellie reminds you each time, usually by crawling in your window, tackling you, and shaking you awake. you’d spend almost all day in the pool, baking in the sun and goofing off in the water. it’s the best day of the summer.

“pool day can wait, im sleepy.” you drag ellie onto the bed, trapping her in your arms and resting your head atop of hers.

“ugh, fine.” ellie kicks her shoes off, leaning into your hold. your nose is filled with the scent of tea tree shampoo, and it lulls you right back to sleep.

“AWWWW YOU LOOK MALNOURISHED”

you sang along to the lyrics blaring out of your speaker, nodding your head to the beat as you drove.

the sunlight peeked through the trees, landing in small spots throughout the car, and on the brunette next to you. you felt the cool breeze from the windows and the sunroof, courtesy of your broken air conditioner. the shades of dark brown and green started fading behind you, dull colored houses with perfectly trimmed lawns appearing next to you. your bracelets jingle as you turn the steering wheel, the light reflecting off of them around the car.

“yo, do you want teriyaki?” ellie looked over at you, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“every time you do that hair-tuck thing, you look like debby ryan trying to seduce me.” you responded, stopping at the red light.

“is it working?”

“oh, absolutely.” your words were coated in a paper-thin layer of sarcasm, turning the steering wheel with a small giggle.

“is that a no to teriyaki?” she questioned, pouting slightly.

“why eat before we go swimming, stupid.”

“did you know that the whole ‘eating less than 30 minutes before you swim will make you throw up’ thing isn’t true?” the question was a typical ‘ellie being a smartass’ rhetorical one, obvious by the proud smirk on her face.

“did you know that-“ you mocked her, waving a finger in the air and speaking in your high pitched nasally “nerd” voice.

she gave no response, simply rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest.

“it seemed pretty true that time you barfed in the pool after we got taco bell.” you replied, finally pulling into your nana’s old-people-neighborhood.

“okay but like, that doesn’t count tho. thats TACO BELL.” she defended.

“maybe you should’ve eased up on the backflips that day too…”

“how dare you assume id ever ease up on the backflips.” she puts a hand on her chest, a fake offense in her tone.

you drive past the rows of houses, green lawns with potted plants and sprinklers making rainbows.you and ellie both sing along to the song still, you tapping your fingers on the steering wheel to the beat, and ellie moving her head back and forth. you finally pull into a spot, turning your keys with a jingle.

“how is the pool like….completely empty?” ellie questioned, eyes scanning the area. june is like, prime pool time, and given that the two of you slept in until 4, there was bound to be at least a small crowd.yet, not a single person was there, just some floaties and goggles that got left behind, both the doors to the locker rooms closed.

“shit, are they closed?” you squinted to try and read the fold-up sign on the lawn, but you could only see a blurry mess. wrong day to forget my glasses.

when ellie notices you desperately trying to make out the words on the sign, she steps out of the car and walks over to it. and the disappointed frown on her face already gives you your answer.

“man, what the fuck?” she dramatically slumps back onto her seat, crossing her arms over her chest.

you unknowingly mirror her action, a simliar frown appearing on your face.

“its june 4th, don’t they know its like, a national holdiay???” ellie questions.

“exactly, do they not know the cultural significance of today???”

you both sat there for a while, wallowing in your sadness. you can’t break an eleven year old tradition! why would the pool even be closed today? in your 18 years of living, it wasn’t closed once on june 4th. you took it as a sign that the owners were extremely in tune with your calendar, but it’s simply just not a day a pool would be closed on. you run through multiple depressing scenarios, until the both of you turned to each other. it was like a light bulb went off in both of your heads at the same time, a simultaneous silent ‘ding!’ echoing through the car.

“so….if the pool is closed, doesn’t that mean no one is here to like…enforce that?” a smirk appears on her face, very obviously suggesting what she’s about to say.

you scan the pool again, a complete absence of people confirming your suspicions. the complete absence of cameras simply solidifies the plan.

“we just gonna jump it?” you ask, a smile replacing the frown that was there before.

“i mean… i don’t see why not.”

“what if some old lady walks past and sees us?”

“easy. we convince her that she’s hallucinating, her new hip medicine has her going crazy.”

“el, your only backup plan is lying to the elderly?” you quirk an eyebrow at her, disappointedly.

“well what else could we do?” she asks, rolling her eyes.

“do we just say fuck it?” you both accidentally talk in sync, which makes you both burst into laughter.

“great minds think alike.” ellie taps on her head.

you both step out of the car, grabbing your things from the backseat and locking it. ellie swings her towel around her neck, and you swing your pool bag over your shoulder. you start walking normally to the gate, but ellie decides to be dramatic. stepping to the side, with her finger-gun held close to her face.

“really?” you question, laughing at her.

“shhh! stealth mode, r. you’re gonna get us caught.”

you decide to be just as dramatic, side-stepping and walking dramatically slow over to the gate.

“ladies first.” ellie chimes, gesturing her hand to the gate. you boost yourself over it, with no struggle, and you wait for ellie on the other side. she quickly hops over, but unceremoniously falls on her knees.

“shit!” she curses, holding onto her leg.

“dude, are you okay?” you bend down to her level, inspecting her knee. theres a nasty scrape on it, little drops of blood falling down her skin.

“ew, now you’re gonna get your gross knee-blood in the pool.”

“i guess you are too.” ellie grabs your hand and rubs it on the cut, red smearing on your fingers. she winces when you touch it, but still starts giggling.

“DUDE!! thats like- a biohazard. now im gonna get aids or something.” you rub the knee-blood on the ground, tiny pieces of concrete clinging to your hands. ellies laughter continues , almost obnoxiously.

“man whatever, this fucking hurts.” ellie stands up, dusting off her hands on her shorts.

“awww, you need me to kiss it better?” you ask, giving her dramatic doe-eyes.

“how sweet of you.”

“too bad. that thing looks NARSTY.” you roll your eyes, setting your things down on a chair.

“narsty?” she raises her brow, setting her things down right next to yours.

“you heard me.” you pull your tshirt over your head, leaving you in your black swim-top. you start pulling off your shorts, stepping out of your flip flops and pulling them off.

ellies eyes don’t leave you the entire time. she watches how your two braids fall back on your shoulders, how the sun shines on them, and how good your tits look in that bathing suit when you bend over.

“you just gonna stand there? i wanna swim.” you question, tilting your head at her.

“sorry … got distracted.”

“…can i get a squeeze?” ellie bluntly blurts out, eyes never leaving your tits.

“you’re so gross.” you scoff, rolling your eyes at her antics. it wasn’t like this was something bizarre to you, especially coming out of ellies mouth. i mean, its not like she hasn’t given them a little honk before.

“nah, its for…science. just checking for breast cancer.” she holds back a laugh, putting on a very convincing ‘serious face.’

“you’re not a scientist, and that excuse only worked the first time.”

“wow, i guess this is what i get for being concerned about my friends boob-health.” ellie crosses her arms in fake offense.

“im very in tune with my boob health, thanks. can we go swim now?”

she nods, quickly moving to slide off her button up- dad shirt, leaving her in an old sports bra and her swim trunks. hating normal swimsuits, ellie always settled for this. you pull your goggles over your head, pushing them down to suction them to your face.

“you wanna jump?” you make your way over to the deep end, standing at the edge.

“hell yeah i do.” ellie practically runs over to you, sliding on her own goggles as she does.

you both grab eachothers hand, walking backwards just enough to run and cannon-ball into the pool. the water bubbles around you, splashing everywhere. you see ellie under the blue, and you watch her flip her bangs out of her face as she rises to the surface.

“r, watch this-“ without giving you a chance to respond, ellie dives under again. she twirls in the water, first backwards, then into a handstand, then doing a front flip to finish it off. she floats up again, wiping her hair off her goggles.

ellies obsession with what she calls “underwater gymnastics” was the only excuse she had for those goofy snorkel goggles on her face. “they keep the water out of my nose!” according to her, and you never complain. especially since you have a pair matching hers.

you give her a dramatic shocked face, before challenging her.

“i could do that way better. you were practically just under there flailing around.”

“oh yeah?” ellie cocks her head to the side, raising a brow at you.

you dive under, better than ellie, and do the combo ten times better. in your opinion. you even finish off on your feet, with your arms raised in the air.

“told you.” a proud grin is plastered on your face, while ellie rolls her eyes at you.

“you just went all fancy with it. i did it way faster.”

“technique is better than speed, williams.” you retort, crossing your arms in front of you.

“thats what your mom said last night.”

you respond by splashing her in the face, letting the water hit her right in the eyes.

“wow, couldn’t even let me put my fuckin goggles on?” she scoffs in disbelief, still wiping her eyes.

you decide to take the opportunity and splash her again, pushing another wave straight to her.

“you really wanna start this?” she wipes the water off her face again , moving her hands underwater.

she sweeps the water with her arm, sending a wave of water back into your face. you shut your eyes instinctively, wiping them when the water subsides.

ellie quickly pulls her goggles on, ducking under the water and swimming over to you.

“els, what’re you doin-“ before you can finish your sentence, you feel ellies arms wrap around your waist, and she yanks you over her shoulder.

“ELLIE WAIT- PLEASEEE DONT- HELP-“ you start panicking, slapping ellie on the back and kicking your legs around.

ellie launches you into the water, laughing the entire time she does. she watches you angrily float up, and start punching her in the arm.

“you’re such a fuckin dick!!” you continue your lethal assault, bumping your fist into her bicep.

“the biggest. you punch like a baby.” she jokes, chuckling at herself.

“you want me to actually try?”

“dare you.”

you wind up extra, and launch a strong punch at her stomach. she dramatically falls back into the water, body going limp.

you almost start yelling at her, until you hear the raggedy wheels of a walker on the sidewalk. shit.

without a word, you drag ellie up to the surface, leading her to a corner.

“whats goin on-“ her voice is interrupted by you placing a hand on her mouth, standing in front of you as you ducked in the corner. she gives you a puzzled stare, seizing her question for the moment. her face heats under your hand, and she prays that you don’t feel it.

“heard someone.” you whisper, quieter than a mouse.

ellie nods in understanding, moving her hands around your hips. you knew it was just to keep you close, but you can’t ignore the twinge in your stomach when she does it, avoiding eye contact and trying to peak over the pool edge.

it’s not like it wasn’t normal, cuz it was. ellie had always been handsy with you. holding onto you in the hallways, hugging you around your waist, holding onto it when you slept together. you shrugged it off as her love language just being physical touch. she likes being close. but every time ellie grabbed you like that, it felt like she was electrocuting you or something. sparks fly, for unknown reasons. suprisingly, she never points out or pokes fun at you when she sees your breath hitching, or the way you awkwardly look away. if you told her to, of course she’d stop, but who’s it hurtin anyways?

you don’t see anyone on the sidewalk, but you decide to wait a while for safety. and to calm the nerves that weigh on your chest. you look back down, and ellies still holding onto you. her body heat radiates onto onto you, somehow heating you up even more than before. your faces are almost dangerously close, like if-a-swift-wind-blew-your-lips-would-knock-together close. you stare into her pine green globes unwillingly, as theres not much else to look at in front of you ,except for her lips. the eye contact feels…oddly tense. you watch a drop of water fall down from ellies hair, through the slit in her eyebrow, down the side of her face, and onto her lip. you crack a smile at her, and you both start laughing.

“shh, you can’t, we’re.. gonna get caught.” you try to quiet her, sentence interrupted by giggles. the tension wears off in mere seconds, the two of you calming down again.

“is it bad i kinda hope we get caught?” ellie jests, but her tone feels so much more…seductive? no, thats crazy. you laugh her off, giving her a small “you’re weird” before looking up again, and notice a clear coast.

“we’re good.” you confirm, sinking back into the water.

“you happy now?”

you stare at ellie, practically inhaling her chicken teriyaki plate in your passenger seat. after like, 5 more hours of swimming, the two of you finally decided to leave. ellie had a nasty sunburn on her shoulders, courtesy of her refusing to re-apply her sunscreen, and you left with a nice tan. as always.you were both starving, and ellie persuaded you into getting teriyaki. ‘please, r, it’s been on my mind all day.’

“oh, im more than happy.” ellie spoke with her mouth full, still scarfing down the chicken and rice.

“in the like, eleven years i’ve known you, i’ve never not seen you tear apart your teriyaki. especially after we go swimming, you turn into a fuckin animal.” you giggle, taking a bite of your own food.

“holy shit, eleven years?” ellie stops eating , shockingly, and looks up at you.

“if i haven’t mysteriously forgotten how to count, yeah.”

“weird, i feel like its been way longer than that.”

the sunset outside the car windows is pouring into the car, casting a pink hue over ellie. everything about her looks so much…warmer. her freckles look darker, her hair looks even more red, and her eyes look an impossibly prettier shade of green. you can’t help but grin when you look at her, making you feel even more relieved than your food.

11 years. more than a decade. 22 birthdays, shared between the two of you, a elementary and middle school graduation with her right by your side, matching caps and gowns flipping off the cameras. the both of you couldn’t think of a better person to have shared the years with, and you don’t think you will anytime soon. or ever.

“yeah?” you question, staring back at her.

“mhm. feels like i’ve known you longer than i’ve been alive. like, i met you before i was born or something.”

the sudden deepness of the statement almost makes you cry, but a wide smile spreads across your face. ellie knew you inside and out, and she definitely knew how crazy sappy shit like that made you.

“yknow what, i bet we did.”

taglist: @astroph1les @rxreaqia @muthafuckingstargirl @mina-281 @sawaagyapong @brunettedolls-blog @horror-whoree @elliewilliamsmunch @ellies2fingers @valdez-ayla4499 @claymoreshaze @dollietes @heartrobynn @uraesthete @bellaramslover @amitycat @matchamilkislover @atomicami @certifedcrybunny @perfect-little-thing @elsmissingfingers @mostlyhornyandsad @nil-eena @aouiaa @doepretty @idkwhattoput888 @guavasbizarre @louleele @skylerwhitwyo @bl1ndsp0t @elliewilliamsgf69 @elleatethat @jvstellies @thereasonurgay @crystalsnothere @greencacty @every1oneluvsriley @endureher @michel-angelo @nickiminaj689 @bratydoll @sc0ttstre3ted @fr3sh-tragedies @bearieio @sluttyletty @dinoastronaut @sapphicsstars @ellieschair (sorry if i couldn’t add you, i ran out of mentions 😪)

[darlingmisa]

Moonlight on the River | Sevika

It’s 3:30am and im writing my first sev fic bc what even is sleep. Pure angst, no happy ending, very self indulgent bc my depression is hitting so fucking hard hard rn I very much apologize for this. Title is purely bc I listened to the song while writing this. 

cw: angst, no comfort, talk of self hatred and all that fun stuff (not really proof-read)

wc: 1.1k

A hopeless romantic is what they would call people like you. Simply dying for the chance to be truly loved and cared for, jumping at any opportunity to be in a relationship. Consistently ignoring every red flag and concerning factor for a chance at true love, hoping it would work out. It never did, but you never learned. 

And that’s what led you here. Standing alone in your shared apartment. Nothing left to clean or cook. No laundry left to wash and fold. No way to distract yourself from the fact that she wasn’t home yet. It wasn’t abnormal for Sevika to be home late some nights, or most nights, or every night. You knew that all too well. Her job was demanding to say the least, leaving you two very little time to spend together. But this was different.

It had been days, 4 to be exact, since she last came home, and since you heard anything from her. When she left, everything seemed normal. A kiss on the forehead by the door like she always did before the two of you would part ways. Except maybe things were slightly different, things you overlooked as her simply being in a rush. 

The lack of an “I love you” and “see you later tonight” now linger in your mind. Maybe she never meant to see you again. It was an insane thought but you simply couldn’t help but wonder. Especially when 4 days became 6, and 6 became 12. 

Although dark, your initial thought was that maybe Silco gave her something she couldn’t handle, something she wouldn’t come home from. Maybe she just didn’t make it. And you stuck with that thought until two weeks in. 14 days without her home when you went to grab a shirt of hers, not being able to stand how her smell was slowly leaving the bed you shared. 

Words fail to explain the intense feeling of your heart dropping when you opened the drawer where her small number of outfits were, or where they should have been. They were gone. You spent hours checking every crevice of the apartment for something that she owned. Nothing. Everything was gone. She was gone.  

It was something you couldn’t process, her leaving without a word of explanation. But here you were, left alone once again. And somehow you convinced yourself it was all your fault. It was your fault she never came home. You must’ve done something wrong, something to upset her to the point where she didn’t want you anymore. 

Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to be mad. Not at her. It was always your fault, no matter what you said or did, no matter how hard you tried to be the best for someone, it was never good enough. The same thought over and over, how could someone love you if you couldn't even love yourself? You knew it was hard to love someone like you. What that meant, you weren’t sure, but you’d been shown time and time again that you were never the most lovable person. 

All you could do was wait. For what? Who knows. Answers? For Sevika to finally come home? For her to explain why she left, to tell you that she still loves you, that she always did? Yeah, something like that. 

On Sevika’s end of things, she hated this too. She never wanted to leave you. Never in your time together did the thought of leaving you ever cross her mind. You were her everything. Something she never thought she’d ever get, or ever deserve. She loved you, and that’s why she had to leave. 

Her work only grew more dangerous. Dangerous enough that anyone seen with her was a target, especially you. Everyone knew you were Sevika’s girl, which only made things worse. She couldn’t put you in danger like that. And as much as she knew it would hurt you, it was her only option. 

Telling you why she had to leave wasn’t a choice either. She knew too well that you’d find some way to get her to stay. Telling her you can handle yourself and that she was stronger than anyone who went up against her. Fighting for her to stay. Sevika knew this wasn’t true. She’d lost many fights in her past. She’d lost everyone she had ever cared for. She couldn’t risk losing you too. 

Sevika could only imagine how hurt you were. She knew you’d blame yourself for it,  you always did. She’d spent hours comforting you over things that were obviously not your fault, things that never could be. Though you always managed to convince yourself it was. 

It hurt her too, knowing you were alone by yourself, being swallowed by the self hatred she always tried so hard to help you push away. Knowing that she was the reason you were blaming yourself this time. Knowing she promised to protect you and keep you safe from any harm, physical and mental. And she couldn’t. Not only was it that she couldn’t protect you, couldn't hold you while you cry and eventually fall asleep in her arms like always, but the fact that it was her, her actions, doing all this damage to the person she loved most in the fucked up world she was living in. 

It was almost unbearable for her. Everyday she fought the urge to run home just to hold you and never let you go again. Sevika was never one for apologies, but if she could she would let every sorry word fall from her lips, yet it still wouldn’t be enough to tell you how sorry she truly was for all of this. How sorry she was that she couldn’t protect you from herself. 

She thought about writing a letter, or leaving a note before she left. Maybe even getting someone to deliver the message for her. But she couldn’t. She knew you’d spend all your time looking for her, begging for her to simply come home, and her face was never one she could say no to. 

So she stayed away, hugging one of your sleep shirts she took with her, one of the many she gifted to you a while back, relishing in the smell of you that she loved so much. It was the only thing keeping her from running back home into your arms. 

She could only hope this all would be over soon, and that you’d still be there waiting for her, but things never did go her way. Maybe one day you two would reunite again. Just maybe.

Im so sorry for this,,

[crucifiedfaerie]

HOWDY!!!!!🤠

I hope you are having the most amazing day/night (it’s 12:30am right now for me, whoopsies)

I saw your post about stan accounts who follow you and I’m gonna be totally honest, totally might be me (I’m a new follower because I have re-entered my Adam Driver is a refrigerator I would like to climb and open)! But I will say, I try to stay away from the actual celeb(s) and their die hard stans because they are, put lightly, CRAY CRAY!!!! Like a literal war zone sometimes. I admire their hot-ness and their fictional characters’ bangability from a distance of the celeb/rpf!

Anywho, I have only been following for a little, but I want you to know that I LOVE YOUR BEN SOLO WRITING!!! Especially nicotine stains, I love me a modern au and yours is simply delicious!!!

Like so good I might shit myself from excitement when pt 2 comes out!!!!!!!! And I mean that in a good way!!!!

Any way, this has gone on way too long. Have a great day!!! I hope it is as amazing as you are!!!!

🫀🫀🙇‍♀️

omg its all good! i was half joking anyways i really dont care who or what ppl enjoy, im just personally not a [redacted] supporter ! at the end of the day we're all just freaks on the internet trying to have fun.

i totally agree w you though there's certain fanbases who take shit way too far... some more than others but i feel like it can be found in every fandom to a certain degree. there are even icky adam fans out there that i try to steer clear of. like ppl who slander his wife, that shit is so not cool. i love him and thirst after him as much as the next fan but like man :( hes a human being and shes a human being and they love each other and have kids... theres a certain line that should not be crossed. ppl tend to forget that celebrities are real people with feelings.

and aaaaa omg thank you!! it makes me so happy to hear that ppl genuinely enjoy my silly little stories about my emo little guy <3 nicotine stains has got to be my fav so far as well, its literally so fun to write and delinquent!kylo just fills my heart with so much joy. its also nice to not write something so heavy and dark every now and then for a change. kylo ren fanfiction in general tends to always be super sad and sometimes i just wanna see my emo space bf be happy for once lmao.

and girl- me too honestly. im currently writing pt 2 and im making even myself giggle and kick my feet so im super excited to finally put it out... its very overdue bc ive been distracted by a bunch of stuff. (the bunch of stuff in question being a 59 chapter ao3 fic lmao) but if youd like to be added to the taglist so you can be notified when its out, you can always pm me !!!

i hope you have a lovely night/morning as well (its 1am for me lol) and thank you sm again for your kind words on my work, it truly means the most 🫶🏻

[keefwho]

October 28 - 2023 Saturday

8:30am

I feel some stress because my thoughts are thinking some funny things. Im trying to distance from them. I'm also trying to be okay feeling bad about them. I guess I'm kinda jealous right now and thats an okay thing to feel, even if it's unfounded. I know I'm not going to act on it or let it control me. Its more likely that I would if I tried to push it away. I always feel jealous when Daisy is at a con because I feel like she's having fun with her better friends, totally forgetting about me. I'm always afraid to admit that at the risk of sounding petty but it's only petty if I act on it. I know it's a silly way to feel but that means there should be an easy way out of it. I know this is a result of the difficulty I have with trust which comes from a low self worth. I get the entire mechanism behind this. I think some more acceptance is in order. If I can just accept this is the truth about myself and be upset about it for a little bit instead of acting like I'm not supposed to be this way.

I know she hasn't forgotten about me the same way I'd never forget about her. She believes in me. And I'm starting to believe in me too. I can learn to move past these kinds of feelings. I can either learn to dispel irrational thoughts like this or detach from them, as long as I'm not doing it as a form of suppression. The first step always seems to be acceptance that they are happening.

9:57am

Maybe writing about my feelings more often here could be a way of accepting them. When I really feel like I'm struggling to get it out there. Usually when I say I'm stunlocked, what I mean is that I can't move past something. I'm stuck in a loop. Right now I'm stuck thinking about what exactly I want to have this talk about and I'm pushing myself to try and figure it out right now. But it's a thing that needs time. I'm also really hungry so that could be it. After breakfast I'm gonna take a break and find something to do like draw or something.

3:22pm

Ugh I HATE feelings. I feel like I need to talk about them constantly or do something about them. A result of suppressing them so much maybe??? All I know is I feel stressed again, I got some things on my mind. Nothing too crazy but it's nagging at me and I'd like to be able to let it go so I can actually do something with myself. I'm tired of ruminating so much.

12:15am

This morning I had breakfast a little late, I just wasn't that hungry. I made rice with a vegetable blend stir fried in and some turkey spam. I had a couple pieces of chocolate with my coffee and did Inktober in David's server. Right after I think I played Legendary Tales and got David to do hardcore with me. He died before I did and actually got kinda upset. It's weird to me how averse people are to hardcore. I think the loss is what makes it more meaningful and I never get that mad when I die, even if it's to a bug. He stopped for a little bit but wanted to try again, then I switched to a new character with a bow this time. I was bad at the bow since I haven't used it before. For some reason playing with him wasn't as fun as I thought. I didn't really feel present or maybe I wasn't sure how to coordinate with him. I forgot that we do talk a little bit but not enough to have unspoken chemistry. I wasn't in the head space I guess to be making an effort to synchronize. It was okay though. I took a break from the server to play Cities Skylines and make lunch. For lunch I made a broccoli pizza in my pan. Lowkey boiling it in just a little water makes it come out real nice, not soggy or anything. After lunch I worked on my avatar while watching MoonMoon play some god awful brutal medieval fighting game demo. It was just extremely brutal but funny to watch. I decided to finish porting my skater girl outfit from my nanachi model to my hyenid. I had tried before but didn't think it was gonna work out. I was wrong and it turned out good. I was halfway through a drink by the time I finished and got on VRchat as soon as it was done. I had no plan, no one was on. I joined a furry world for a little bit but couldn't insert myself anywhere. I joined a random public and had very brief conversation about a cool music video. I asked Daisy about the VR portal and she said it was empty and I just so happened to have someone on my friends list on blue who was in the portal world. After multiple attempts I was able to get in and found that the VR world was pretty empty and the stream was actually loading so I told Daisy and she made it to the portal. It was amazing seeing her there. I've never seen her quite like that, it's like I was in the room with her almost. It wasn't quite like that for her I imagine since I was in my avatar. It gave me some weird perspective on things, in a good way. Goodtimes joined too, he had messaged me earlier today but I didn't know what to say to him. He said he wondered what we'd been up to and coincidentally I've been wondering about him. I was even gonna talk to Daisy about him and Golden Star and how we had this relatively brief group of sorts that I miss. After the portal closed down, Goodtimes took me to a floating island world I'd been to before. We were trying to find 2/4 koroks but we made no progress. Golden Star happened to join too and wasn't totally horny (yet). I got off to finish dinner and play a little more Cities.

[moodywyrm]

i swoon every time,, nd her muscles when she crosses her arms lord 😵 gonna jump on her when she gets home i’ve been so lonely 💔 no cuddles for hours 💔

real </3 i need my sleep or else i’ll mess up my awful sleep schedule:(

hows ur day!!

- 🩷

see you get it!! I see her biceps and go Stupid like hello cmere let me hold them?? it's very rude we're hours away from each other >:( need to cuddle my girl Expiditiously bc im going insane </3

same I can't fight my eepy body </3 it gets to 12:30am and im out like a light </3 just two very eepy girls with their girls </3

my days good!! I had an appointment and then I went to the grocery store! i got more writing done today and it was fun! im hoping to get back into my lil groove <3 and I might read later!

how was your day?

[turtleandbuffalo]

A Note to You

It’s been 4 hours since the freeze out. You should be sleeping, but I don’t know if you are. For the past 4 hours I’ve thought of you for probably 3 hrs and 58 minutes of it. I’m already miserable thinking about how I wont be able to express my heart to you.

I want to send you my little blue heart to remind you that I’m thinking of you and loving you, but I know I shouldn’t. I know I can’t.

I’m going to keep looking back at our conversation screenshots and I’ll probably continue to cry about it. Loving you shouldn’t be painful, but right now it is. Chemistry and timing. Why couldn’t this be a different time?? Thinking of us together…. My heart longs for that, for you. There really is no better way to say that.

I want to be with you, but I’m so scared of starting over. What if we end up not even working out? What if you realize I have way more faults than virtues?

It’s been 6 hours now, I just woke up. I think I fell asleep for 45 minutes at the most. I woke up and for half a second I forgot.

But it all came rushing back to me and here I am crying again. I love you… I hope you’re sleeping well..

I’m sitting here alone watching That Thing You Do, I wish I was watching it with you. My head feels so loopy because I didn’t sleep enough today, I feel like all I did was cry. You’re not missing much hun, I’m a mess and you deserve someone who’s in it 100%. I wish I could have been that one for you.

It’s almost 10pm, I wonder if you’re awake.. I came for a drive because Im losing my mind right now, I pulled over to cry. It’s weird how it’s just a normal day to everyone else, but I’m here feeling so empty and alone. I wonder if you’ll leave me on read for a day, two? A week? Longer? It hasn’t even been 12 hours and I miss you so much already.people looked at me as they walked by my car, I think they could hear my sobbing, or maybe they heard me hitting my steering wheel? Maybe I honked and didn’t notice. I hope you respond.

My last three messages to you have been left on read, I’m trying really hard to pretend I’m not completely torn apart on the inside.

It’s 11:26pm I hate this time. Those numbers 11:26 morning or evening, I hate it. And of course that’s when I check my phone for your name. Nothing. No unread messages. You’re probably almost at work. Maybe you’re already there? Are you thinking about me? Because I just wrote seven pages about you. I don’t think I’d ever been that honest and vulnerable before, not even to a sheet of paper. I’ll probably cry myself to sleep tonight. That is if I sleep at all. Goodnight, I love you.

It’s 6/24, 3:30am Im parked at work, I almost didn’t come. I almost went to your work to wait outside for you. I just want to see your face.

6:20 am now, I came to my car for my lunch again. Needed to be alone because all I can think about is you, you’re probably just fine… that’s what you said yesterday morning. You’re too tired to feel ups and downs, did I mean anything to you? Did you just say “I love you” to make me want you more? Lunch is over, I wish I could go to you right now. I’d run to you, I’d jump into your arms and kiss you.

7:00am

I can’t be here, I’m back in the car ready to leave because I couldn’t work the floor without this miserable cloud hanging over me. Should I go to your work to see you? Or should I just let you be?

I feel like I’m always going to love you, like this knot in my throat is never going to go away. It’s 6/24, 9:45am you ignored my call earlier. I’ll leave you alone. I’ll stop writing these messages to no one.

I feel like The Man Who Can’t be Moved.

I love you.

[bipolartry]

4/12/23 9:30am

an ode to you,

I'll write your name on the tangerine colored walls of my mind, you have no clue the impression you leave. Like someone of high regard, Im lucky to have been so close to you. Arms stretched out, fingers ready for contact, i'll remember the lessons I learned through you.

I hope you miss me

and when your body is too tired to carry you I hope you'll still reach for me. Stillness in a storm, I hope even as friends you'll find comfort in the love I had for you. The love I have for you.

[sunnyxnala]

Monday, 10/24/22

8:20am - I woke up and hastily got ready and rushed over to my EEBIOL discussion at la kretz. on my way there, i completely WIPED OUT on my scooter while going down the hill by gardenia. i was in the bike lane, abiding by scooter and traffic laws ok, and then this guy just STEPPED OFF DA SIDEWALK TO WALK IN THE BIKE LANE LIKE DUDE?? and he didn't even LOOK bruh mans wast just on his phone pls. it was too late, i was already too close to stop from hitting him, so i swerved and our shoulder bumped. he didnt take any damage, but i took the hardest fall and tumble oh my god. my scooter went flying to the left side of the rode and i went flying down the middle, tumbling and rolling for a bit before eventually falling on my back and skidding to a stop. i threw my head back and lie there in the middle of the road just full of defeat. truly a "ok universe just take me out already" kind of moment. the guy whom i bumped into was like, "oh my gawd are you okay???" and offered his hand to help me up but i was so angery at him and i was like, "yeah im fine >:(" and got up by myself. and then he kept asking me if i was still okay and "how i didn't see him" and at that point im like dude just go away man T_T

9:15am - i made it to my discussion, albeit late. my ta was very understanding though and allowed me to take our weekly quiz after discussion. i really love how she always brings her dog, he loooooves me frfr bc he always comes by, jumps up, and sits on my lap for the entire discussion. he's saur cute but saur stinky oh my god he always farts on me and i get paranoid tht my peers think that it's ME

10:00am - i hung out and did some work at kerckoff, and that's when i first noticed the pain in my footsies from tumbling down this morning. i didn't think it was too bad, but i definitely felt like my foot was bleeding. when i got back to my dorm, i found out that my legs are all bruised and scratched up and my left toenail is cracked in half T_T L for nala nation.

11:30am - after bandaging myself up, my boyfriend and i met together to grab brunch from the study. we both got chocolate hazelnut waffles and they were so gas <3

1:30pm - i accompanied my boyfriend to his office hour for a bit because i wanted to see him program his little robot thing

2:00pm - i headed out to my ls30b lecture! my boyfriend also accompanied me which i thought was pretty sweet. i also volunteered to answer a question today and i got it RIGHT LETS GOOOO i felt so good after that B) totally not behind in this class or anything nah nope all good, i know my content ha ha...

3:00pm - we headed back to the hill, where i began working on submitting some assignments and sending emails. it still takes me f o r e v e r to send out a well-written email, and i wish i could write them out more easily ;-; i will admit that i feel like i've gotten so much better at writing emails cold but it is still really difficult to write a thoughtful email in a short amount of time. it typically takes me 30min to write an email now, which is not too bad.

7:00pm - i got ready for a meeting, packed my things, and grabbed my friend's belated birthday gift. i met up with some friends who were also on their way to the same meeting at de neve plaza, where we were just preparing and ensuring that we were ready to go.

8:00pm-10:00pm - had a meeting!

11:00pm - after i got back to my dorm, i had another meeting with my alumni mentor to talk more about careers and life after college! very helpful slay

12:00am - i was saur exhausted i ended up crying sobs i am such a crybaby but it's okay it felt very healing. overall, today was... a 5/10... yeah...

xoxo nala

[minor-anti]

the thing abt the vld fandom is..... there's harassment on both sides??

like, you cannot deny it. i've personally received scores of hate, had people call me slurs, accused me of "faking" my sexual abuse (really), suicide bait and even doxx threats, and i haven't even been in the vld anti community for very long. i have friends who have had similar things happen to them.

yes, there are shallies who get harassed. YES, it was EXTREMELY UNCALLED FOR that j0sh ke@ton received threats against his family.

but do you want to know the difference?

99% of the anti community doesn't condone harassment. 99% of the anti community has never sent someone a death threat or suicide baited someone.

remember that situation where there was an anti who purposefully misgendered trans shallies? remember how there was a post going around in anti spaces telling everyone to block them?

i can tell you right now that lots of "anti anti"s, shippers, whatever the fuck you want to call them truly don't care whether or not we receive harassment, and some of us do on a literal daily basis. they only care when they're on the receiving end. they only care to fucking demonize us. and the gag? many, many antis are minors.

the vld fandom has a problem with harassment, yes. that's undeniably true. but when you make it out to be one side's fault, nobody wins. you can discourse without calling someone slurs or telling them to off themselves. it's a nonaction. but if you're going to soapbox about harassment, don't just be against it when it's convenient for you.

[frostedpuffs]

when u have to stop writing bc ur own damn story is getting way too cute and u cant fucking take it

[fryologyy]

whoa there thats a little too fast slow down there buddy

[youreyeslookliketheocean]

MY FAVORITE FEELING IN THE WORLD IS WRITING IN BED OR JUST WHEREVER AND YOU KINDA GET INTO THE ZONE FOR A BIT BUT IT DOESNT FEEL LIKE THAT LONG BUT THEN SUDDENLY YOU LOOK UP AND LIKE 4 HOURS HAVE PAST WITHOUT YOU NOTICING. OMFG BEST FEELING.