#in LL (but you betrayed him too once so does it really matter? and does the bond you forged in the desert really carry over?)

[memryse]

many thoughts about Scar in Last Life

We all know Scar is one of the standouts of Last Life; he’s always been one of the key players ever since 3rd Life, driving conflicts and shaping the course of the server. His chaotic nature lends itself perfectly to 3rd/Last Life, and he seems to have only refined it in the hiatus between seasons.

In 3rd Life, Scar was more of a subjective villain. From his own perspective and Grian’s perspective, he wasn’t scary at all! The two of them were just having fun and causing problems – sure, they threatened people, but their dumb antics together made them just feel like two friends messing around; their POV was lighthearted until the final session, really. From other perspectives, however (particularly Dogwarts’ POVs), that was not how the two of them came across. They felt malicious, scary in how casually they approached such a bloodthirsty game. They’d laugh as they took lives, showing no care for anybody but themselves – they’d betray their allies in a heartbeat without an ounce of remorse, and the rest of the players knew it. Scar wasn’t someone to fear from his own POV.

Since Last Life began, however, Scar has become very openly malicious. Even watching his own POV, it’s hard to see him as anything but a villain – his own comment section is full of people commenting on how scary he suddenly seems. I want to expand on some of these villainous moments, because holy fuck, Scar.

In session 1, Scar is certainly a prominent figure, but we mostly get to see his classic silly Scar antics. Sure, he plans on “selling souls”, but it feels like the equivalent of his reputation points in S1. We still don’t get the sense of him going full villain arc yet. He allies with Joel and commits a crime, and we all expect another lighthearted Scar scam which definitely does not go to plan.

And that is what happened… sort of. He’s immediately caught by Scott and Pearl, etc etc etc. The two of them cheerfully agree a scheme to try and kill Jimmy, but that casual discussion of murder is as bad as they get.

Session 2, Scar is chosen as one of the two boogeymen, alongside Joel.

Things go decidedly not to plan immediately. The two of them had agreed last session to try and kill Jimmy, and were supposed to be trusting enough to tell each other if they’re the boogeyman – and yet what does Scar do? Immediately try and push Joel into lava. He’d betray Joel without a second thought – already a contrast to 3rdLife, where upon turning red Scar threw flowers at Grian and asked if they could still be friends. He doesn’t succeed, of course, and Scar and Joel realise they’re both boogeymen, before parting ways.

Scar heads to the nether, where he immediately decides to deceive Etho and Bdubs into thinking he’s weak and has no food, so that he can get close to them nonthreateningly or something. I’ll talk about this more later, but here we get to see what a good liar Scar actually is. People want to assume that he’s all bark and no bite, that he’s a schemer who poses no real threat – when Scar plays into this, he can be reallyconvincing.

The next big moment I want to talk about is, of course, Joel’s trap. The first thing to comment on here is that Scar cries “Joel, are you trying to kill your best buddy?!”, and I can’t work out whether this is Scar acting to diffuse suspicion, or genuine surprise that he’d pull the trap when Scar was right there, but either way it definitely has the former effect. None of the Southlanders suspect Scar in the slightest. Until Scar murders Mumbo in a matter of seconds.

What’s really horrifying about this is that Scar had been begging Mumbo to ally with him just last session. And yet here… not only does he go for Mumbo without hesitation, his reaction afterwards is downright chilling. He just laughs, and tells the others “Welcome to Magical Mountain!” – it’s really quite like a movie villain in how little he seems to care. He doesn’t actually say a word about killing Mumbo; again, despite having desperately wanted to ally with him. To Scar, this was nothing more than an opportunity. Or maybe it’s all a show to him. Maybe it’s both. Scar doesn’t actually care about winning this game – to him, it’s more fun to put on as good a show as possible, and drag as many people down with him as possible (which is definitely a “cc!Scar being a good entertainer” thing, but it translates very well into being a LL!Scar character trait too).

He then hands Joel some supplies, and with the exact same level of nonchalance, tells him to go burn Scott and Pearl’s house down. I’m… getting the sense he enjoyed burning down Etho’s castle in 3rdLife.

Not much of note happens during his subsequent conversation with the Southlanders beyond him failing an initiation spectacularly – after this, he heads back to Joel. They chat from opposite ends of a broken bridge, which is quite a poetic scene honestly, representing the gap between their lives, the destruction of their alliance, etc. I’m just here to talk about Scar’s villainous moments, though, so let me point out one specific line from this conversation.

“I did avenge you, to be fair - Mumbo, I burned him to death, which was enjoyable. I heard him cry, so it was- yeah, that was a thing.”

Just… what the fuck, Scar? What? I know he tried to push the “red lives are psychopathic and feel nothing except a small sense of happiness when people die” in 3rd Life, but this was definitely a lie or at least an exaggeration, because 3l!Scar definitely had a much wider range of emotions than that. Either way, here he doesn’t even have the excuse of being a red life; this is just active malice, pure and simple. Bdubs had a similar level of pride in his boogeyman kill, but I never got the sense that he enjoyed it like Scar did.

Scar goes off to visit Scott and Pearl, and figure out whether they have the enchanting table or not. Note the emphasis on simply figuring it out, not actually getting the enchanting table. Here’s where I want to talk about Scar being a great liar: he fully convinces them into thinking that he was willing to trade lives for the enchanting table, and then he convinces them that he’s so desperate to get the table that he’ll lie about Joel burning their house down. The thing is, Scar had no intention of ever getting the table at that moment – he wasn’t going to trade lives for it to begin with. He’d try his luck at threatening them, but nothing more. He got exactly what he wanted out of that situation: proof. Meanwhile, Scott and Pearl were left believing they’d outwitted him, that they’d called his bluff and bullied him into leaving. They never saw his true intentions, never saw him as an actual threat. Scar is much smarter than people believe, which only makes him all the more threatening.

And finally, he goes on to prove this intelligence even further. He figures out that Scott and Pearl planned to trade for the enchanting table simply by seeing Scott ask Lizzie if she’s home in chat. He then goes to visit Lizzie, and she tells him she declined their offer. What’s notable about this scene is how much less belligerent Scar is than usual: he readily accepts what Lizzie says for once in his life and leaves without being too annoying about it. He later talks about lulling the others into a false sense of security, letting them think he’s not after the enchanting table anymore; that makes me think his visit to Lizzie was purely to confirm that the offer was even made, and he’s now certain that she accepted it. It’s not hard to work out, especially if he noticed her life count.

So, all in all, if you’re not scared of Scar in Last Life, you most definitely should be.

Did I forget to mention he’s currently tied for the highest life count on the server?

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers VANDEAD CARNIVAL ;; Sleeping Vampire ー Sakamaki Kanato

Source: Diabolik Lovers Vandead Carnival

Seiyuu: Kaji Yuki

Audio: Part 1 ll Part 2

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

*Rustle rustle*

“...Is something the matter? ...’That’s my line’? You are being rather cheeky today, don’t you think? I couldn’t seem to fall asleep for some reason, so I tried moving to a different place.”

You frown, asking why he chose your bed.

“That is up to me to decide, no...? ...Say, you think so too, don’t you, Teddy?”

*Rustle*

“...Well, there you have it. I will sleep here for tonight. Come on, move to the edge a little. When you’re lying there in the dead centre of the bed, there’s nowhere for me and Teddy to sleep, is there?”

*Creaaak*

“...Where are you going?”

You tell him you’ll sleep somewhere else.

“Hah...? You’re implying that you’ll move somewhere else if I’m going to sleep in your bed?”

*Rustle*

“...Wait. Where exactly would you go to sleep this late at night? Are you perhaps thinking of sleeping on the sofa in the living room...? ...Or perhaps...You can’t possibly be thinking of staying at one of the other guys’ rooms, are you...?”

Your eyes widen in surprise.

“...Unforgivable...How could you leave me here and go sleep with some other guy.”

You shake your head.

“I’m wrong? How exactly am I wrong? If it’s a misunderestanding, then lie down next to me right now. At once.”

*Rustle*

“Good grief...You’re hopeless...To think I was so kind to come all the way to your room...Let me tell you just in case, but I don’t believe a single word of what you just said. Right, Teddy? Will you keep a close eye on her tonight so she doesn’t do anything strange? ...Fufu. You’re such a good boy, Teddy. In comparison...You are...”

You sigh.

“...Say? Why have you been lying down there this whole time?”

You explain.

“...Yes, I know. You’re lying down in bed. Because I told you to do so...?”

You nod.

“I told you to lie down next to me earlier, didn’t I...? Yet...Why have you decided to lie down next to Teddy instead...?”

*Rustle*

“Unforgivable...You dislike the idea of sleeping next to me that much...?”

You try and defend yourself.

“Because Teddy was already lying down between the two of us...? What exactly is the problem there? You could have simply asked Teddy to move, no?”

You frown.

“...To think you couldn’t think of such an easy solution, you truly are a fool. Well then, now that you understand, hurry up and ask Teddy to swap places with you.”

You ask Teddy.

*Rustle*

"...I’m sorry, Teddy. But I’m sure you understand, don’t you?”

Teddy replies to Kanato.

“...It seems like Teddy is willing to move to the bedside. Good for you, Yui-san. Well then, Teddy you go here...”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Say, Yui-san? Are you really not gonna say a single thank-you after Teddy was so kind to move for you?”

You raise a brow.

“Isn’t that only obvious? ...You banished Teddy all the way to the bedside after all...”

You seem puzzled.

“What you should do? ...Please think of something yourself. There are plenty of ways to express your gratitude, no? For example, the ribbon on the nightgown you’re wearing...You could tie that around Teddy, no?”

*Rustle*

“Of course, there is no way that Teddy would be glad to receive your second-hand ribbon. However, I don’t see anything of worth around in this room, so it can’t be helped.”

*Rustle*

“...I’m sorry, Teddy. It’s all we have right now, so will you bear with it...?”

Teddy agrees.

“...Teddy says he’ll forgive you. Aren’t you glad? Well then, me too...”

*Rustle rustle*

“What are you dawdling for? Come on, hurry up and lie down as well.”

*Pat pat*

“...Right here, okay?”

You lie down.

*Creaaak*

"Haah...I think I’ll finally be able to sleep now. Well then, goodnight, Yui-san.”

You close your eyes.

*Creaaak*

“...”

*Creaaak*

“...Shut up...”

*Rustle rustle*

“Say...You’ve been tossing and turning this whole time, haven’t you? Are you having trouble falling asleep, perhaps...? ...I went out of my way to move rooms, yet when you behave that way, I won’t be able to get a wink of sleep either. ...I suppose I have no other choice. I shall do you one favor. I’ll go fetch the necessary tools right now, so please wait here for one second, okay?”

*TIMESKIP*

Kanato returns to the room.

*Thud*

“Here...Take a look at this, Yui-san.”

*Rustle*

“What do you mean? ...Can’t you tell? It’s a jar of cookies. I went and got them from my room for you.”

You seem confused.

“...What are you saying? I never spoke a single word about having you eat these, did I? Say, you? They say that humans grow drowsy when counting objects, no?”

You explain.

“Eh? ...It’s counting sheep? Does it really matter what it is though?”

*Thud*

“I’ll count the number of cookies right now. I’m sure you’ll become sleepy eventually, right? Well then, here I go. One cookie...”

*Thud*

“Two cookies.”

*Thud*

“Three cookies.”

*Rustle*

“Four cookies.”

*Thud*

“Five cookies. ...How do you feel? A little more sleepy?”

You shake your head.

“Hmm. Not yet? You are horribly slow-witted, so I suppose it can’t be helped. In that case, I’ll count many more. ...Six cookies.”

*Thud*

*TIMESKIP*

“ーー Thirsty-eight cookies...Hm...?”

*Rustle*

“I’ve...run out of cookies...I counted all the way to the very end...So why won’t you become sleepy at all?”

*THUD*

“...Now I feel even more awake myself...Because I did all of this for your sake. I’m already having trouble sleeping tonight...On top of that, when I look at these cookies on top of the tray...I get...very hungry...I doubt I’ll be able to sleep now. How will you make it up to me?”

You offer him a cookie.

“Hah? ‘Why don’t you have a cookie then’? What are you saying? Are you an actual idiot? These...These stupid cookies...would never satisfy me...!!”

*THUD*

“When it comes down to it...You’re to blame for everything. I came here to find some swift rest. Yet...You keep on getting in the way of my sleep...Make sure to take responsibility, okay?”

You frown, unsure what to do.

“Aah, right. In that case...”

Kanato moves closer.

“Can’t you simply allow me to suck your blood...?”

You seem surprised.

“If I fill my belly with plenty of your blood...I’m sure I’ll be able to sleep soundly...That’s what I believe. ーー Eh? What is it, Teddy...? Oh...I see...Teddy is telling me not to do that...But...I’m starving...I understand. I suppose it would be difficult to sleep with a full stomach as well...Today, I’ll only taste you a little bit. What do you say? ...That’s fine, right?”

He pins you down.

*Rustle*

*Thud*

“Well then. Please offer yourself to me. I mean, that’s only fair, right? You’re to blame for all of this after all. Where would you like me to suck? Your neck? Shoulder? Or perhaps...Well, any place works. I’ll taste you from your favorite spot...Well then...

You protest.

*Rustle rustle*

“Say? What are you playing at? ...Are you perhaps resisting me? ...Even though you’re at fault...You’re trying to defy me like that...? Do you truly believe you’ll get away with such a selfish act...?”

*Smack*

“Of course not! Hurry up and submit to me! ...I’ve been asking you this whole time, haven’t I!? Hurry...Let me taste you!!”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Nn...Nn...Aah...I knew it...Even just licking you is delicious...Nn...Haah...I can’t stop...This isn’t...half bad either...”

You whimper.

“Fufu...Look at that expression on your face...Does it feel good perhaps...? Then how do you explain those protests from earlier? This is exactly why I keep saying that I can’t trust you at all...Nn...”

*Creaaak*

“Haah...Where should I lick you next...?”

You seem worried.

“Fufu...Don’t worry. Rest assured. I’ll give you plenty more...Although this obviously won’t fill my belly...It is plenty...to distract me from the hunger...Nn...I have to do more and more...”

*TIMESKIP*

*Creaaak*

“Phew...I can finally sleep in peace now.”

*Rustle rustle*

“...What is the matter? You seem rather dazed, dare I say? Ah, have you perhaps...finally grown sleepy as well?”

You shake your head.

“Eh...? You haven’t? Despite saying that, you look rather exhausted. Well, at this point it no longer matters whether you are tired or not. As long as you behave and keep still like that, my sleep will no longer be interrupted by your vexing tossing and turning. I can finally sleep now. Please lie there still, okay? Next to me...”

You nod.

“Yui-san, goodnight for real this time.”

You close your eyes again.

“...”

*Creaaak*

“Nn...Hm...? ...!”

*Thud*

“...You! Wake up please!”

*Rustle rustle*

“Can you not tell I’m asking you to wake up at once!?”

*Rustle rustle*

You open your eyes again.

“What do you mean ‘what’s wrong’!? I don’t care if you were asleep...How dare you turn your back to me...Do you dislike sleeping by my side that much?”

You shake your head.

“...Then come here at once!”

Kanato pulls you close.

*Rustle*

“Say, you won’t go somewhere and leave me behind, right? You’ll stay by my side forever, right? Say, promise me, please? That you won’t leave me...That you will never stray away from my side again...Promise me!”

You try and calm him down.

“...How can I stay calm!? ...You’re...You’re to blame! Because you tried to get away from me like that...Even though I told you to sleep by my side so many times...Yet...Why can you never just listen to what I say...?”

You try and explain to him that you did it subconsciously in your sleep.

“Don’t lie! It’s obvious you were simply pretending to be asleep, looking for the right opportunity to sneak away! That’s why you turned your back to me...! ...Unforgiveable...”

You frown.

“Teddy...Teddy would never do that. Teddy always stayed right next to me until I open my eyes again...I actually had Teddy move to the side of the bed so you could sleep next to me instead, yet you choose to betray me? All those times you pretended to be obedient, was that all a lie as well? ...Answer me!”

You try and explain yourself.

“I don’t want to hear your excuses...I can’t sleep like this. It’s all your fault...How will you take responsibility for this?”

You shrug.

“...Aah, right. I just had a great idea. I should simply tie us together somehow so you can’t go anywhere while I’m asleep. With something...”

*Rustle rustle*

*Thud*

“Aah...There just so happens to be the perfect thing laying around over here. Say, Teddy. Would you please let me borrow the ribbon she tied around you earlier?”

Teddy agrees.

“Fufu. Thank you, Teddy...”

*Rustle*

“Well then, show me your hand please, Yui-san. I’ll use this ribbon...To tie our hands tightly together.”

*Rustle*

“...Hmm, it’s hard to tie with just one hand...Please help me as well. Come on, hurry.”

You attempt to help out.

“Such a loose knot obviously won’t do the trick. Please tie it a little tighter.”

*Rustle rustle*

“Phew. This should work. Well then, Yui-san. Let’s lie down together. ...Come on, this way.”

*Rustle*

*Thud*

“Fufu...Like this, I will be able to tell right away if you try and escape while I’m asleep...However, you might try and sneakily undo the ribbon, huh? I don’t trust you in the slightest after all...”

You try and convince him that you wouldn’t do that.

“Phew...I guess this is the only solution then...”

*Rustle*

“I usually sleep while holding Teddy in my arms...But tonight, I’ll sleep while holding onto you instead. With just the ribbon, you might still find a way to get away after all. However, while I’m embracing you with my other arm, I doubt you’ll be able to go anywhere, huh? You have to move a little closer...Or it tugs onto the hand we tied together earlier and hurts...”

*Rustle*

“...I suppose this is a little better.“

You grow flustered.

“That being said...Haah. Unlike Teddy, you don’t feel soft in my arms at all...On top of that, I can hear your annoying heartbeat which seems to thump even louder than usual. ‘Ba-dump, badump’, just like that...It really is noisy. 

However, it can’t be helped, so I’ll sleep with you tonight. Even though holding you close like this doesn’t benefit me in any way. If I had to name one thing, you are warm unlike Teddy, so it is a great way to combat the cold...”

*Rustle*

“Are you happy? To have me hold you in my arms instead of Teddy. However, please don’t let it get to your head, okay? I don’t mean to imply I would choose you over Teddy in the slightest. It’s simply that someone untrustworthy such as yourself is much more of a handful than my smart, obedient Teddy. Say, Yui-san? Look my way?”

*Rustle* 

“Fufu...You’re being awfully docile right now. I suppose you’ve finally become somewhat compliant? In that case...I suppose I have no other choice but to give you a reward. Nn...”

*Smooch*

“...You understand, don’t you? I have to keep a close eye on you. At all times...So you don’t get a chance at sneaking away from my side...You belong only to me after all. Isn’t that right?”

You nod.

“You actually admit it, huh? In that case...Please kiss me next. Come on, hurry...”

You kiss him.

“Nn...Haah. Good girl. As long as you behave like that, I’ll dote on you plenty. Can you promise that you belong to me, so you won’t try and leave me...?”

You promise.

“...I see. In that case, I’ll shower you in plenty more rewards. Are you happy when I kiss you...?”

You nod.

“I see. In that case...Nn...”

*Smooch*

“I can finally rest assured a little while you’re glued to me like this. The noisy beating of your heart...Feels almost comforting once you get used to it. Pwaah. ...I’ve grown a little sleepy for some reason...”

You agree.

“Fufu. Don’t you feel the same? Your eyes look a little more drowsy than earlier...Come on, just close your eyes...I’ll continue holding you in my arms like this until you wake up again, okay?”

You close your eyes.

“Goodnight, Yui-san. May you have a wonderful dream. The two of us will be together, forever and ever...”

ーー THE END ーー

[shroomtalker]

funky time traveler!karl theory :)

hello! this is my first post but i just want to get out of the way that i am a big fan of the smp and i really love theorizing so if anyone has anything to add to this theory i created then please do let me know! i originally mentioned this on my twitter, but i would love to dedicate it to a full post on my tumblr. obvious spoilers ahead!

trigger warnings: manipulation mention, death, derealization (??)

The Dream SMP is in a time loop.

okay so i know this sounds really crazy and complicated at first, but bare with me. for those who don't know, a time loop is a span of time that is constantly being repeated (more than once in most cases). we know that dsmp!karl is a time traveler, yes? (i mean if you haven't watched the recent tales of the smp streams, then you surely would be lost at this point.) but what if.. everything we know right now is a trial and error being conducted in a seemingly endless time loop constantly reseted by karl himself?

the obvious question would be, why would he make a time loop? well, here is a really poorly placed together answer!

the dream smp universe has its fair share of "villains" in the eye of the viewer. wilbur soot, dream and technoblade have all been considered villains one way or another. dsmp!wilbur for blowing up l'manberg; dsmp!dream for manipulating tommy and countless other war crimes; dsmp!techno for blowing up l'manberg for a second time, killing dsmp!tubbo in execution style, ect.

we know from the ending of Tales of The SMP: The Lost City of Mizu, karl is losing his memory due to the constant traveling between time periods. he also stated he wants to right wrongs, quote,

"Maybe if I travel enough, I'll be able to right some wrongs... Maybe do something to prevent all of the bad I keep seeing"

karl deep down is a good person. he doesn't want to see his friends suffer any longer from the endless turmoil they undergo ever since the beginning of the disc saga. however, karl is a time traveler. he would know how things end like how he know how things started.

like i said before, time loops are a span of time that is constantly being repeated. karl would be able to do something like this because of his traveling abilities, no? but heres the thing, what is he repeating over and over again to fix?

Karl is losing himself to time because of the loop he has to reset.

the time loop he created would start at the beginning of pogtopia and end when the story (for us) eventually comes to a close. with how things are right now, the odds are slowly stacking against tommy and tubbo. i wouldn't be surprised if the ending of Dream SMP has a bittersweet, cold closure to the characters we love.

karl knows how things end. he isn't too involved in the main lore because hell he knows every outcome, every possible situation that could happen no matter what actions are taken place. but in this theory.. he is changing one variable of the "experiment" of time loops to see if the outcome changes. to see if tommy, the hero, actually wins.

in karl's first diary entry, he writes,

"But I can try to do my part to steer this world in the correct direction."

every time he resets the loop, one thing changes. this could be from tommy leaving wilbur during the pogtopia arc, tubbo siding with manberg and betraying his friends, tommy never experience exile and the list goes on. as far as we know, the "change" he made this time around was breaking the first button when dsmp!wilbur threatened to blow up l'manberg then and there. referencing a tweet he made (which i unfortunately cant find the screenshot of D:).

the present DSMP we're watching could be the 11th, 40th or even the first trial and error of the time loop karl made. unfortunately, with conducting an extremely risky test also requires sacrifice. the longer he keeps the loop going, the more he is erasing who HE is from the story. slowly going mad with the more time traveling he does to the expense of his friend's lives. shaping reality to protect everyone that meant something to him. and they don't even know it.

i hope you guys liked this theory! if you have any questions, suggestions or anything to add onto it please let me know via the ask me anything tab on my profile! i love talking about this theory with my friends so i might as well open it to the public. :)

--- written January 31st, 2021.

[foxghost]

Joyful Reunion, Chapter 43

Translator: foxghost @foxghost tumblr/ko-fi1 Beta: meet-me-in-oblivion @meet-me-in-oblivion tumblr Original by 非天夜翔 Fei Tian Ye Xiang Masterpost | Characters, Maps & Other Reference Index

Book 2, Chapter 11 (part 2)

Mu Kuangda is steeping some tea while Chang Liujun sits nearby, eating his lunch. The cloth he uses as a mask is lying on the low table, and the tattoo on his face is clear and visible as he stares at Wu Du.

“I asked you to keep Yao Zheng company while she’s out seeing the sights.” Mu Kuangda sounds unconcerned. “So why have you lost track of her and come back alone instead?”

“Nothing I can do. She holds me in contempt.”

Mu Kuangda places a cup of green tea on the edge of the table. A look of apprehension lingers in Wu Du’s eyes as he steps up to receive it, taking a sip.

“Respect,” Mu Kuangda says, “is something that you have to fight to earn for yourself.”

“Right." Wu Du is aware he’s brought shame on himself again, but in the meantime he has no idea what he should say.

Mu Kuangda has made his point and doesn’t try to push him beyond that. “If you don’t know how to sweet talk a girl then learn how. You never can get past this obstinate temper of yours. I ask you to kill, you won’t; I ask you to win over the princess, and you won’t do that either. So tell me — what exactly do you want to do?”

“I definitely will,” Wu Du answers respectfully.

Chang Liujun starts to laugh. Wu Du does nothing else but stare at that cup of tea.

“Take a look at this formula.” Mu Kuangda hands a prescription to Wu Du. “Put the medicine together and let me know how well it works within a month.”

Wu Du nods at once and tells him as you will.

Mu Kuangda adds, “If you can’t be sure, then find someone to try it on.”

Wu Du rises and asks to be excused, but Chang Liujun reminds him, “The tea.”

Wu Du can only come back to finish the tea that the chancellor has granted him. Then bowing to Mu Kuangda and nodding at Chang Liujun, Wu Du goes home.

Duan Ling is still lying in the courtyard; he’s been awake for a while, but he’s too scared to say anything, terrified that he may end up getting himself killed again.

He hears a loud bang as a door is slammed shut. Someone is coming back.

Feeling utterly humiliated, Wu Du kicks over the medicine table as soon as he gets back into the house. Letting out a long sigh, he crouches over the threshold to look up at the boundless clear skies above, and before a moment goes by, he’s walking up to Duan Ling and picking him up by the hair; Duan Ling can only open his eyes then, and Wu Du tosses him to one side. Duan Ling’s eyes are full of dread as he stares at Wu Du.

It takes him very little time to recognise Wu Du, because he can see the tattoo on the side of his neck. In an instant, the past comes rushing back into the forefront of his mind: the snowstorm in Shangjing, the golden centipede that rolled into a ball … Duan Ling has a feeling that he won’t be able to get away this time.

“What’s your name?” Wu Du asks him frostily.

Duan Ling’s mouth opens and closes, but nothing comes out.

There’s a deep furrow between Wu Du’s brows, and his expression is full of foreboding. He stares at Duan Ling for a while, and something seems to occur to him, “Where are you from?”

Duan Ling dares not answer. From what Wu Du has asked him thus far he has deduced one thing: for now, he’s probably safe. Wu Du doesn’t seem to know who he is.

The first time he saw Wu Du was in an apothecary in Shangjing; that night, the lamps were turned down low, there was a blizzard out, and he was only eight, peering out from behind the counter as he met Wu Du’s eyes. Since then, Wu Du has never seen his face again.

“You a mute?” Wu Du asks.

Duan Ling scuttles into the corner, and so as to avoid making Wu Du suspicious, he puts on a terrified act, unwilling to look at him face to face.

Wu Du considers Duan Ling for a bit with a confused expression. “Say something.”

Duan Ling shakes his head, and he opens his mouth wanting to say something. That’s when he realises he really can’t speak anymore. The words are on the tip of his tongue but his vocal cords are outside his control. All he can do is make a quiet ah sound.

Wu Du can hear from the sound that this young man is a mute.

Wu Du wears a slight frown; he has a distinct feeling that something isn’t quite right, but he can’t rightly put his finger on it. Soon, he turns around and heads back inside.

As soon as Wu Du steps away, Duan Ling watches every move he makes vigilantly. When he sees that Wu Du’s attention is clearly not on him, he feels slightly less worried, and begins to think.

What is this place? In his head he sorts out everything he’s experienced so far, and as soon as he starts thinking his head pulses with a headache. First he came to Xichuan, then he found Lang Junxia, the two of them drank together, and Lang Junxia poisoned the food …

Duan Ling looks down at his clothes. They’re half damp. The skin over his fingers are wrinkled from soaking in water.

Lang Junxia wanted to kill him? Yes — at the very last moment at least, he could feel that. But how come he isn’t dead then? And he’s here now. Somehow the one who saved him was actually Wu Du?

Inside the house, Wu Du takes an afternoon nap. Soon when he’s up again he takes another look out at the courtyard. Duan Ling is still there. He hasn’t tried to run, and he’s curled up with his arms around his knees, nodding off just like a dog.

“Eat.” Wu Du tosses two flatbreads out into the courtyard where they fall onto the ground, and ladles out a bowl of water, setting it down in front of Duan Ling.

Duan Ling glances at Wu Du, afraid to touch the things he provided. Wu Du turns around and goes back inside. Duan Ling peers at him from outside and finds Wu Du staring at a book studying a prescription; he probably won’t have the time to worry about what Duan Ling is up to. Hunger prevails over his caution and Duan Ling picks up the bread, starts eating.

His throat burns painfully. He tries to speak quietly but discovers that he can’t get anything out. He’s been poisoned mute.

Why did Lang Junxia have to kill me? Has he pledged his allegiance to Mu Kuangda? Duan Ling perceives danger, but if Lang Junxia finds out that he isn’t dead yet he’ll definitely figure out some way to kill him. If he wants to stay alive he must leave Xichuan as soon as possible.

Where is his father though? He’s probably not in Xichuan, but there’s no way for Duan Ling to find out where he’s gone. Knowing his father he’s probably ridden off on Wanlibenxiao on his own with nothing but his sword by his side, leaving the imperial city behind to wander the world looking for him. When will they ever meet again?

There are two options laid out in front of Duan Ling. One is to escape as soon as he can while Wu Du is still ignorant of his identity, to go find Li Jianhong.

Another is to remain here for now, but he’ll need to be extremely careful. Presumably neither the Mus nor Wu Du know who he is — Lang Junxia is the only one who does.

The latter option is actually safer than the former. At least here in Wu Du’s house, as long as he isn’t discovered by Lang Junxia, he can wait until the day Li Jianhong returns to the capital.

Duan Ling decides that he’ll stay and observe for now.

Wu Du spends the entire afternoon racking his brains over the prescription and it seems to be giving him trouble. He comes out in the courtyard and stands there for a little while, then with a lasso in his hands, he throws it over Duan Ling’s neck and tightens it.

Duan Ling immediately turns red in the face, and thinking that Wu Du is going to hang him to death, he grabs the lasso with both hands and tries to loosen it. But Wu Du doesn’t say anything to him and simply ties the other end of the rope onto the woodshed’s door handle, chaining up Duan Ling the way one would chain up a dog. Once this is done, he leaves the place again.

The rope’s range happens to be long enough for him to reach the toilet and the woodshed. In this way, Duan Ling is now being kept in the courtyard.

By the time he returns in the evening, Wu Du has irritation written all over his face again as he tosses some food to Duan Ling, and Duan Ling eats it. Inside the house, the lamps are lit, and Wu Du’s shadow falls onto the window. Late in the night, Wu Du comes out of the house for a look.

The young man is no longer in the courtyard.

One end of the rope is tied on the woodshed door, while the other end has gone inside the woodshed.

Clearly Duan Ling has found a place to sleep.

Wu Du suddenly finds it all rather funny; he shakes his head, closes the door, and goes to sleep.

In the woodshed, Duan Ling is lying down and trying every which way to untie the knot in the rope, but it’s made of cattle tendon and the knot is dead tight. No matter how hard he tries he can’t seem to undo it, and so he has no choice but to wear it to sleep, the whole time feeling exceedingly uncomfortable.

His mind keeps going over the image of Lang Junxia’s table laden with food; once he’s sorted out his thoughts and it’s all clear to him, he doesn’t find a shred of anger in himself at all — all he feels is an overwhelming sadness. He can’t tell whether he’s sad because his father has correctly anticipated this, or if he’s sad because Lang Junxia has betrayed the trust he placed in him.

That night, while lying on the ice cold hard floor of the woodshed, Duan Ling had a dream.

He dreams that he wakes up in a splendid palace, and when he calls out for his dad a couple of times, a guard comes up to him and says, “Your Highness, His Majesty is at morning court assembly. I’ll go call for him now.”

Duan Ling is lying on a bed in the palace, and it’s not long before Li Jianhong comes into the room dressed in his well-fitted court robes, smiling as he sits down at the edge of the bed. “You’re awake now?”

Duan Ling whines a bit about wanting to stay in bed for a while longer, and so Li Jianhong lies down with his clothes on to keep his son company as he sleeps in. He orders someone on the other side of the bed curtains to break off a blooming peach branch and put it in a vase.

Duan Ling feels as though he’s returned to his childhood, his head pillowed on Li Jianhong’s shoulder as he plays with the ornament hanging by his waist — the other half to his jade arc.

Sunlight streams in through the bed curtains onto Duan Ling’s face; he opens his eyes and wakes up facing a crack in the woodshed’s ceiling. Dust motes dance in a shaft of sunlight above him, the ice cold floor lies hard beneath him, and the smell of firewood and coal is all around him. He crawls out of the woodshed; at dawn the birds in the chancellor’s estate are singing a continuous song. Wu Du’s door is still closed.

There’s a rope tied around Duan Ling’s neck. After one night, a scrape has been worn into his skin from chafing. He goes to the side of the well to draw water to wash his face and his neck, cleaning away the sour stink of sweat that clings to his body.

When he hears the commotion going on outside, Wu Du wakes up feeling rather baffled. He stands in the doorway, tall in his snow white underclothes, as he looks outside. Duan Ling has finished washing his face, and now he’s watering the flower beds inside the courtyard one by one. Since some of them are too far and his range is limited by the rope, he gives up on the rest.

Finally, he draws a bucket of water, sets it down in the middle of the courtyard, and pushes it forward. Wu Du understands what he means — that’s for him.

Once Duan Ling has finished working on all that, he sits down next to a flowerbed, leans back against the wall, and looks up at the clear blue sky.

Wu Du hurriedly washes up and changes into a set of clothes after he gets up, and leaves the house immediately.

As for Duan Ling, he sits in the courtyard for a while, still pondering over the issue of his next course of action. His mind has gradually calmed down since his abrupt change of fortunes, and judging by Lang Junxia’s actions, Mu Kuangda is probably extremely wary of Duan Ling’s existence. Right now he must make sure he stays alive; the days ahead are yet long.

For the next several days Wu Du comes and goes, leaving early in the morning and always coming back at noon seething with anger. In the afternoon he’ll begin preparing medicinal ingredients and making decoctions. This goes on until at the end of those several days Wu Du comes out carrying a bowl of medicine and says to Duan Ling, “Open your mouth.”

Duan Ling opens his mouth, and Wu Du pours the decoction down his throat. When it hits his voice box it feels as bad as if it’s on fire. In more pain than he’s ever felt before, Duan Ling lies next to the wall and dry heaves, but Wu Du scoffs at this as he observes Duan Ling’s reaction.

All of Duan Ling’s internal organs are throbbing with pain. Soon, he crawls towards the flowerbed and throws up into it. Wu Du watches him for a time, and when he notices that the rope has already worked a cut into Duan Ling’s neck and that the wound has gone raw and red, he goes back inside to get a sword and almost casually slices it towards Duan Ling’s neck.

Duan Ling instinctively tries to dodge out of the way, but the sword has moved as fast as lightning and it slices the rope away.

Duan Ling throws up for quite a while, then he lies on the ground in exhaustion looking like a dead dog. Wu Du grabs a chair and sits to one side of him. He says frostily, “Who poisoned you?”

Duan Ling’s pupils gradually dilate. Wu Du examines his eyes for a bit and asks, “Can you write?”

Duan Ling’s fingers twitch; Wu Du stuffs a stick of charcoal in between them but Duan Ling can’t get a grip on it — his hand keeps shaking and the charcoal falls onto the ground. Wu Du’s voice sounds close one moment and far the next, and Duan Ling can hear him say, “From what I can see, you seem to have been poisoned with something called ‘Tranquil Death’. This is not an easy poison to get a hold of. Whoever has such deep hatred against your family?”

Duan Ling’s senses are slowly coming back, but when he opens his mouth, all he can make are some senseless ah, ah noises. Wu Du observes him for a while longer. “The poison isn’t all gone yet. This will do for now.”

Right at that moment, someone comes into the courtyard without announcing himself — it’s Chang Liujun.

“What is that?” Chang Liujun asks suspiciously.

“That’s my medicine tester,” Wu Du says, “for trying out drugs on.”

Chang Liujun doesn’t press him about it then. “Chancellor Mu is asking for you.”

Wu Du’s only option is to get up then, and abandoning Duan Ling in the courtyard, he leaves again.

Duan Ling feels as though all his insides are twisting together in a knot, but after a round of vomit and diarrhea he feels much better. When Wu Du comes back in the evening, it’s to Duan Ling cleaning up all the places he threw up on, even going so far as to turn over the soil in the garden. Wu Du is holding a grass known as the “enom dragon”, and he plants it in the courtyard’s soil.

Duan Ling watches what Wu Du is doing without saying anything, but when Wu Du is about to water the transplanted grass, Duan Ling waves a hand at him, meaning that he shouldn’t water it at this stage. Wu Du looks doubtful and gets up; Duan Ling makes several gestures to convey that Wu Du should let him do this.

Wu Du kicks Duan Ling to the side and pours half a bowl of water in the flowerbed. Two days later, the venom dragon’s leaves have turned yellow. It’s dead.

Wu Du digs up the grass to discover that the roots have been soaked to a pulp, so he has little choice but to go see Mu Kuangda again to send someone to dig up this medicinal plant. When he brings it back this time, he tosses the venom dragon to Duan Ling. Duan Ling picks up some dirt with his fingers and plants the grass in the small bowl he drinks water out of, then he flicks a few drops of water on the leaves and sets it down in a cool, dark place.

“You’re a gardener?” Wu Du asks.

Duan Ling stares at Wu Du. Wu Du assumes that since he appeared on the shore of a tributary of the Min River, he may have drifted down with the current from further upstream Xichuan; perhaps his father was a gardener or a farmer. That’s good though. It’ll save him a lot of trouble.

I do not monetise my hobby translations, but if you’d like to support my work generally or support my light novel habit, you can either buy me a coffee or commission me. This is also to note that if you see this message anywhere else than on tumblr, do come to my tumblr. It’s ad-free. ↩︎

[forkanna]

[AO3] [WATTPAD]

NOTE: Here we go. Little bit of a shift in this chapter... you'll see. Thanks for keeping up with this fic and all your comments!

------------

Everything was rather quiet for a couple of days. Rise threw herself into practicing her vocals with every spare moment, meeting with her manager and conferencing with her record label over the phone. She needed the distraction. Without any clear course of action with Ai, she had decided to let that matter fade into the background. Maybe something would come to her eventually.

On Sunday, she and the gang decided to go fishing, since that was one of Narukami's favourite activities and they were all missing him lately. For most of them, it simply meant getting to wave around poles and wade into the water, splashing each other. Kanji and Naoto resented this because they were much more serious about the matter, but the others didn't pay them too much mind.

"Hey, why didn't you invite Ai?" Chie suddenly asked as they re-baited their hooks. "She too snobby to get down here in the river with us?"

Rise laughed. "You're kidding, right?"

"Yeah," she responded, giggling right along. "No way would she be caught dead touching a fish that's not cooked."

"No… I meant that she wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore."

"Why not?" Yukiko asked. "I thought you were becoming sort of close with her."

Wow, how oblivious could they be? "Not anymore."

Once she had explained properly, which took the better part of half an hour, most of the joy had been sucked out of their springtime activity. Rise did feel a little bad about that, but it was as much their fault as hers, so she didn't spend too much mental energy on sympathy for her friends.

"Gosh, that is so sad," Teddie said with a pronounced pout. He really did seem genuinely disappointed not to have another friend. "I know you guys didn't really mean to hurt her feelings."

"Guess I thought he'd be over that by now," Chie confessed quietly.

"Yeah," Yosuke added. "Like, as long as he stays away from my butt, I don't really care what he does with his time. And man, he looks way better in drag than even Teddie did, so…"

While Teddie was harrumphing as if genuinely offended, Kanji chuckled harshly as he twitched his line in the water the tiniest bit. "What is it with you and that gay panic, bro? I'm surprised your Shadow didn't look more like mine."

"H-hey, I'm just a healthy, red-blooded Japanese male! I like girls who are actually girls! Is that a crime?"

"I'll buy you a butt-protector to keep all the dicks out," Chie cackled bemusedly. Yosuke just grimaced.

"I'm… starting to get why she didn't want this getting out," Rise sighed.

"Hm?" Yukiko said as she turned back in her direction. "What is it?"

"Nothing."

"No, that sounded important. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings…"

Which she appreciated. Even if the others were a little oblivious sometimes, Yukiko genuinely meant well all the time. Every minute of every day. "It's just… I'm no big expert on this subject, but you guys can see how much work she put into being taken seriously as a woman. Because she looks like one! Nobody could tell! And I think I haven't paid much attention to how hard that must have been for her… I'm… wow. And I really did almost ruin her life."

Not that she had been unaware of that before. She thought she understood, and she did — better than her friends did, for sure. But listening to them casually treat her like a drag act, a joke, a source of anxiety for Yosuke's extra-fragile masculinity, peeled back just enough of the curtain. Now she knew that she really didn't know anything at all.

"Don't be so dramatic," Chie sighed. "Like you said, he was able to play it off, and he's giving you a lot more shit now than is necessary compared to what you did on accident. Like, scales balanced. If he wants to keep being a dick then that's on him."

Rise shrugged helplessly as she tossed her fishing pole back onto the shore. "You're not wrong about that part. I'm not saying her trying to get revenge on me is right. I'm just saying I understand why she feels so betrayed. Didn't really get it before, but…"

"I still don't get it now," Yosuke grunted. "The whole thing makes me super uncomfortable. But it sounds like he already had the surgery, so… doesn't that mean he's a girl anyway?"

"What? No, it's… nevermind that part." She had been about to insist that Ai did not have "The Surgery" yet, even though she had probably undergone several other minor procedures. But that was the kind of detail that would get her even deeper in trouble than she already was, so she cut herself off.

"Well, I'm with Chie," Yukiko said cautiously. "You have apologized for hurting her, you didn't intend to in the first place. If she were a true friend, she would accept your apology."

"I'm not sure it's that simple."

They all turned to look at Naoto, not having expected her to speak. The girl was wearing a very thoughtful expression underneath her newsboy-casquette cap. "What isn't?" Teddie finally prompted when everybody had been quiet for a little too long.

"This situation with Ebihara-san. She's living her life as transgender, and you have jeopardized that life. Even if on accident, I can see how she would interpret that as an attack."

"Come on," Chie sighed. "Any idiot knows the difference between on accident and on purpose."

"Not necessarily. In law, there is such a thing as 'gross criminal negligence'. This means that even if it's an accident, even if you did nothing with the premeditated intent to do harm, you can still cause harm and be held accountable for it. At least, partially."

"So you're saying it's okay that this asshole is trying to frame our friend for cheating?!" Yosuke burst out.

"Hm? Oh, no, not at all," Naoto insisted, a slight crease in her brow. "But this is a matter of criminal pathology. Even if Ebihara-san is not a criminal, she is perpetrating criminal acts; understanding them requires the same skill set. Motive. Means. Opportunity. We already know the last two, more or less; security isn't especially tight at Yasogami High. I'm sure it was a simple matter for her to sneak into the classroom and pilfer the answer key, then sneak it into Rise's bag when no one was looking. So all that's left is… why?"

"Because he's a petty jerk," Chie provided immediately.

"It's not that simple."

"No, it really is. Maybe you guys get something about how serious us gossiping about him was that I don't, but I don't care. You don't treat a friend like that. Period! Even if he's really pissed at Rise, she did apologize, she's trying to make it right. He's not acting like a friend at all. So I say, screw him! Just let him self-destruct and be alone. And if he won't stop being a jerk to you, we will be jerks right back. I'm not going to sit around while he drags you down for something you didn't even do on purpose."

Rise felt a rush of affection toward Chie Satonaka. Even if she couldn't completely agree with everything she was saying, it was nice to know her friends had her back — that these were true blue friendships that had lasted beyond being part of the same Investigation Team. The passion with which she spoke, and the anger she clearly felt toward Ebihara because she was attacking her friend, made the existence of those bonds unmistakable.

However… she also couldn't ignore the way Naoto's brow furrowed further. Kanji also rested a hand on her shoulder. Was she simply upset about losing an argument, or was there more to that?

"I can't disagree with what you say. I was merely trying to point out that in Ebihara-san's estimation, Rise may deserve vengeance more than she does in any of our estimation. She is viewing the situation differently than we are."

"Well his 'estimation' sucks," Chie grumbled.

"Maybe," Rise finally cut in with a discomfited sigh. "But can you guys… can you promise me you won't do anything mean to her without asking me? At least that? I know she's being a jerk, but it's because I messed up. Huge. So this has to be between her and me."

None of them looked too thrilled with that. Yukiko nodded immediately, seemingly satisfied right away that she was doing what was asked of her by her friend. The others were a little slower to agree but they still all did at some point or another, dissatisfied as they were.

"Thanks. And I'm so happy you have my back, I can't express that enough. But I have to figure this out on my own."

"You got it," Kanji grunted as he started reeling in a fish. "Shit… it's a big one… but I'm not gonna forget how you looked when that old bag accused you of cheating. That ain't right. Ebihara better make it right eventually, or his ass is grass."

What an ominous threat. Well-meaning, but ominous. Rise knew she would have to sort this matter out post haste — before she had to find out just how far her friends were willing to go to come to her aid.

                                          ~ o ~

All of this gave birth to a very determined Rise Kujikawa, and this was the one who walked into school on a foggy Monday morning. Ai had done enough damage; she had to forge ahead as if everything was fine. Her new tactic had to be not to let the bullying get to her, because she better understood it was just her friend being hurt by her own actions. And if she wouldn't accept her apology… there was nothing more she could do.

But she didn't have it in her to give up. That option was stricken off the list. Rise was no quitter.

Everything was fine until her second-to-last class of the day. Rise had mostly focused on schoolwork and chatting with her other friends, taking her mind off more depressing matters. Gearing up for a promotional video she was supposed to shoot soon; that would be a first step toward reestablishing herself as an artist, even if she still didn't intend to go back to singing full-time until she graduated. And the class with Ms. Sofue was fine in and of itself… for the first ten minutes or so.

That was when she noticed the smell. At first, she was looking around the room to try and figure out who had lost control of their bowels in such close proximity to other students. Maybe it was something they had for lunch?

A brief investigation ten minutes later revealed the true culprit, once everyone was looking at her like she was being most unladylike. Deep in the recesses of her desk, which she never used to keep anything since she would just have to move it again after class, someone had stuffed an old sandwich. Unless she missed her guess, there was natto and egg on it, among other things. But there was too much mold growing inside the sandwich bag for her to be certain.

"Oh GOOD GOD!" cried one of the boys nearby, covering his face with his arm. "What's in that thing?!"

Waving at the air with her crooked heka, the teacher coughed and demanded, "Please dispose of your lunch in a proper manner from now on, Miss Kujikawa! Make no mistake, even I have no interest in mummified food!"

A few of them were able to wrap it in some paper and drag it to the trash can, amid Rise's protests that she had never seen it before. Nobody believed her, because the natto tended to make it seem obvious that it had come from Marukyu — even though their speciality was tofu, not other soybean offerings. A lot of bickering back and forth broke out until the teacher banged her cane on her desk.

"Enough! Miss Kujikawa has technically broken no rule, even if it was her sandwich. So we'll say no more about it. Please, open your books again and turn to page…"

But the entire class period, Rise couldn't stop thinking about the sandwich. She already knew who it was; only one person at that school was stupid enough to actively mess with a famous pop idol. The instant the bell rang, she pelted out of class so fast that quite a few students gasped. By now, she knew what class Ai was supposed to be in around this time… and where she could find her.

                                          ~ o ~

"Oh!" gasped one of the girls in the locker room when Rise barged past her. "Do you even have this class? What are you doing in the-"

"Ebihara?" she asked. Some girl with a towel wrapped around her hair pointed further into the room. Rise stormed over there to find a towel-clad Ai preening at the mirror hanging on the inside of her locker, running the brush through her hair over and over. "Thanks for your present."

Smirking a little, the girl didn't even glance over. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yeah? You don't recognise it?"

Everyone gasped when she threw it onto the bench nearest Ebihara. That was nothing compared to the chorus of disgusted noises that followed once its foul stench began to pervade the air within the steamy room. Even still wrapped in the plastic bag, it was horrendous.

"Oh, GOD," Ai joined in, though she was chuckling just a little. "Why would you be carrying that thing around? Just to throw at me like that?"

"Why?" she demanded. "This has crossed the line from mean to just… weird! What's the point of stinking up the classroom?"

Full of false innocence, she pressed a hand to her chest as she said, "Why, I don't know. Sounds to me like someone just forgot to throw away her lunch. Maybe you should be a little less wasteful. Then again, as rich and famous as you are, I bet you don't care at all."

A ripple of murmurs spread throughout the room. Rise knew that they didn't really care about the sandwich, or about wastefulness, but they were highly concerned with this argument between two students playing out right in front of them. Gossip fodder. So she decided not to give them any more ammunition.

"Okay. We'll just throw it away." She snatched it off the bench and flashed Ai a poisonous smile. "Have a lovely day, Ebi-chan."

"Don't you mean Ebi-kun?"

Rise stopped dead in her tracks. She actually looked around for what assholes had said it, determined to give them a dressing down. Even if they were fighting, nobody got to talk about her friend like that. But she realized it had come from Ai herself. "What?"

"You were one of the people that started the rumour, right?" She looked so haughty, arms folded over her chest and hip cocked to one side. "So I'm surprised you let it go that easy."

Deciding to play along, she smirked and shot back, "I heard you showed off the goods to some other girls and it proved it was false."

"Yeah. But since when do people like you care about facts? You would much rather be right than the truth prevail."

"People like- okay. Whatever this is, whatever you want from me, I'm done with it. I thought we could try to be adults and move on, but all you want to do is start a war — one I'm not interested in fighting. Just leave me alone if you really can't stand me this bad, okay?"

Ai laughed and took a step forward. "Rise-Risette, the gossip-monger. And now, the cheater! What terrible thing are you going to do next?"

"I didn't do anything in the first place!"

"You know you did." The smile disappeared for a second, leaving her friend's features full of cold fury. But it was so brief that most of the other girls probably wouldn't have noticed; then she was smiling like rainbows were shooting out of her ass again. "And hey, if you want to try to blame me for all of it, go ahead. You might as well."

"No, that's not necessary. Maybe it's just a series of tragic coincidences."

"Uh huh. Or maybe you're just a self-destructive pop idol, a little brat who couldn't hack it in the entertainment industry, and now that you're stuck in boring old Inaba, you want attention again. Don't you see you're going about it all the wrong ways?"

So that was her game. Now Rise could see this for what it was: it wasn't just any one incident meant to slander her and give her a bad name. All of them together were supposed to paint a picture of a celebrity spiraling out of control. Rise was going to turn into the Japanese Britney Spears if Ai Ebihara had anything to do with it.

"You really want to destroy me that badly?" she hissed now that they were so close their noses were almost touching. All the girls around them were whispering and chattering, watching the drama intently. The rub was, they were gossiping so much about what they were saying that they couldn't even actually hear what they were saying.

"You can bet on it. I told you I was going to, unless you destroy me first. And I think you will. I think you are exactly the kind of person who will shoot in self-defense."

"That isn't me," she breathed, glancing down at Ai's body. It was so close to her own… she couldn't help looking, couldn't help feeling flustered even though they were fighting right now. "We both know that. You're just mad I messed up, and you won't let me apologize, and you won't leave it alone. There's nothing else I can do."

"Yes there is." Then she hiked an eyebrow slightly, lowering her voice to barely a whisper. "What? What are you looking at?"

"Nothing. Just… trying to figure out what to-"

"You were trying to figure out if you could see my dick. Weren't you?" As Rise felt her brow furrow, Ai chuckled and pressed on, "Do it. Go looking."

She could feel her temper flaring hotter. It was getting hard to control. "Stop being so gross. I wouldn't do that, I haven't done that, and I'm not going to do that."

"Why not? Come on… all you have to do is rip this towel off me. Show the world. Maybe I'm tucking again, maybe I'm not. But wouldn't that be great if you exposed a scandal in the women's locker room? Risette the Hero, saving all these poor girls from the freak."

"You know — you know I have never once in my life called you a freak, why do you want me to hurt you so badly? What do you get out of it? Are you some kind of psycho masochist?!"

"Sure! Go with that. Even more reason to save everyone. Do it." No movement. "Clock's ticking. The longer you wait, the weirder it's going to be that we're standing here whispering to each other."

But Rise's mind was racing. She still had no idea really why she was pushing so hard for her to attack, to be so vicious. She thought back to the revelation she had when walking home — about Ai, about what these attacks meant for their relationship. And when she thought of it that way…

Everything came together. Of course, nothing was for certain until she heard it straight from the horse's mouth, but now Rise thought she understood the reason her former friend was trying so hard to get her to treat her like vermin.

"No," she whispered with a small smile.

"No? Aww, I guess the games continue then," Ai said with a fake, exaggerated pout. "You're going to have to be a lot tougher than that to make it as a star."

"Actually… let's play a new game. Unless you want to give up now?" Her pleading face returned. "Please, please just stop. I'll leave you alone if that's what you want, or we can go back to being friends and… try to put this behind us. But I'm not giving up, not going away. So…? Maybe?"

Ai shook her head. "This isn't your game, you don't get to change the rules, princess. So nice try."

"Fine," she sighed… before sliding her arms tightly around Ai.

"H-hey!" she burst out. Then a little louder, "Oh my GOD, now Risette is trying to molest me!"

Before the gasps really had a chance to deepen, Rise sobbed, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, I just… I just love you so much Ai, a-and when you… when you pulled away, I didn't know what to do! Can't you forgive me?"

Even the girls who weren't watching before were glued to this scene now. And even though she could tell Ai didn't like losing control of the situation — hated might have been more apropos — she still drew back to gape at her.

"What… did you just say?"

"I asked you to forgive-"

"Cut the bullSHIT!" she snapped loudly enough that one smaller girl yelped and fell back on her ass, scrabbling for the nearest bench. "You can't mean that. Not in front of all these people, you… they'll know you're- if you say how you feel, that's…"

"I don't care about them! I love you, Ai, I… I didn't mean for us to end up this way!" Her bottom lip wobbled hard as she took a shaky breath. "But if you really can't forgive me, I'll understand! I just… I can't go on with us hurting each other like this!"

"Oh, this is so not going to work," she scoffed… until she saw a few of the girls putting their hands on Rise's shoulders, comforting her as the big fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Offering tissues, petting her hair. "Are you- wow, you guys can't be buying this! It's an act!"

"Hey, don't be so mean!" said some girl with bobbed hair; Rise thought her name was Matsunaga, but she couldn't remember at the moment. The moment Ai's gaze was on her, she said much more quietly, "S-sorry."

"Oh my GOD. Fine. Whatever, I'm out of here."

But a wall of girls blocked her way. They were all glowering at her now, looking ready to throw down; they would never have challenged alone but there was safety in numbers. Ai's eyebrows shot up, unimpressed… but the more she looked at all of them, the more anxious she appeared. Not frightened, just uneasy from the attention. The constant attention, while wearing a towel… prospect of a fight… she backed into a corner and they started to advance on her. This would get seriously out of hand if someone didn't step in.

Someone stepped in.

"Please, just give me another chance," Rise provided smoothly as she slid forward through the throng of girls, taking up Ai's hand — which was immediately yanked out of reach. Her voice was taut with emotion as she pleaded, "That's all! I'll show you I can be a better friend, a-and those pranks? Forgotten! And I won't ever tell another lie about you again, I promise!"

Ai took another good look around at the student body standing in opposition against her. The wheels were turning behind her eyes. Then she glared down at Rise with a shake of her head. "You… conniving… snake," she muttered.

Some of the girls heard it, and looked more scandalised. And because now everyone else was behind her… Rise felt comfortable allowing a smug, triumphant smirk to take over her features. Just for an instant. She even mouthed a few choice words:

"You only have one way out."

Oh, she had never seen Ai look that angry before. This wasn't just annoyance or rage. She looked murderous. But it only lasted a second before she sighed, shut her eyes, took a breath.

"Rise… fine. I know… I went too far. Can you forgive me?"

"Wow, really sounds authentic," one of the others closest to the lockers scoffed.

"No, really." When Ai opened her eyes again, she was smiling weakly. "I have missed you. I just didn't know… I was so angry when you started that nasty rumour."

"I know. It was a stupid mistake! And I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you just… take me back! That's all you have to do." She took both of her hands, ignoring the way nails were digging into her own. Petty little revenges were par for the course now. "Just be with me."

One could hear a pin drop in that locker room. Ai pulled her close and whispered softly, "You want to play this game? We're playing it on a national level."

"Bring it on," she replied in kind, smirking again — even while her heart pounded in her throat from the closeness. "But c'mon, I beat you this round."

"Shut up."

Such a chorus of "WHOOOOO" went up when they kissed that it felt like they were shaking the foundation of Yasogami High. Probably because, metaphorically as well as literally, they were. Game-changer indeed.

                                          To Be Continued…

[laceymorganwrites]

Fluff alphabet

Meliodas:

A=Affection (How affectionate are they?):

Meliodas is very affectionate and he Shows it every Chance he gets. You can see the insecurity and loneliness in his eyes, so he tries to hide it. Of Course Meliodas is a broken man and you have to catch him in those Moments that lead him to being affectionate. He´s just so scared to lose you.

B=Breath (what could a s/o do to take their breath away?):

defend him. in either way, in a fight or an argument. agree with him on some stupid idea he has, he´ll be over the moon. and if you can stand up for yourself and for him, well that´s just gonna make his heart beat faster

C=Cuddle (do they cuddle? And if they do, when and how often?):

um, yes. obviously he cuddles, he´s very touch starved so he tries to do it at any chance you two get

D=Dream (What do they Dream of doing with their s/o?):

he wants to travel the world with you. as cheesy as that sounds, Meliodas can´t imagine something more romantic and peaceful than that. 

E=Effort (How much effort do they put in a relationship?):

all of it, sometimes even too much. He´s easily manipulated when someone says they love him. And well, if he doesn´t get that they´re just using him, he´ll still Keep the effort and break on it because it leads to Nothing.

F=Fear (What do they do when their s/o is scared? How do they handle it?):

if it´s something he can take care of, he will do so in mere seconds. However if it´s not a concrete reason, he will Freak out a bit internally. In such a case he´ll provide all the physical Attention you might need

G=Gifts (What Kind of Gifts do they give their s/o? Do they want one in return?):

clothes and Accessoires, if he sees something that would fit you, he must get it immediately. However he doesn´t expect you to gift you Things. But he´s very happy every time you do

H=Hugs (Do they hug their s/o? How often?):

It´s Meliodas, he hugs you every Chance he gets if you´re okay with it

I=Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do they have Problems with intimacy?):

depends. he´s only romantic when his emotions get the best of him, hence at a later Point in a relationship. He´s not romantic on Purpose but he does and say romantic Things sometimes. In the beginning intimacy scares him, but the more he Trusts you and the Closer you two get, it goes away and he´ll be very intimate with you

J=Jealous (Do they get jealous? How do they act?):

he´s jealous every day, but not Always for a reason. See he´s very insecure, so he asks himself every day why you´re still with him. Yes, he tries his best to be a better Person and Keep you but he knows it´s not good enough. He doesn´t tell you and keeps it to himself, he has those glum periods in a day. But he will definitely act on his jealousy if someone gets too close to you. He´ll just tell them off in any way needed.

K=Kiss (Are they a good kisser? Do they like to kiss? How often do they try to kiss their s/o?):

he´s a very gentle, soft kisser. he certainly knows what he´s doing. He also likes kisses very much, but he doesn´t initiate as often in the beginning. He has a certain look that you Need to learn to read when he wants to be kissed

L=Love (When do they say they love you? How often do they say it? Do they prefer to say or Show it?):

Meliodas doesn´t want to tell you in the beginning. Everything good was taken from him and he´s scared that you´ll be too. So he definitely prefers to Show it. And he does say it, but you have to say it first, he tries to push back the confession as far as possible. Once he says it, it´s very scarce for him to repeat it. However when his Feelings get the better of him, it´ll slip out.

M=Marriage (Do they want to get married? If so what Kind of ceremony?):

no, as explained  earlier, he´s just too scared of bad People ruining it

N=Night out (What types of Dates do they like to go on? How often do they like to go on them?):

he likes to Go out for walks in the evening and have picnics. Walks will take place as often as you have time

O=Out of the ordinary (What´s something they normally don´t do for/with their s/o?):

Mention his past, he´s ashamed of it and scared of you judging and leaving him. He just doesn´t want you to be scared of him

P=Playful (Are they playful in a relationship? How do they mess with their s/o?):

no. just no. being with you is far too serious for Meliodas and with all the worries in his head, he can´t ever relax to such a Point of being playful with you

Q=Questions (Do they ask their s/o for their opinion on Things? Do they share theirs?):

he Always asks you for your opinion. no matter how unimportant the Topic may seem, he just wants to include you in everything and respects your opinion very much

R=Random (How spontaneous is their relationship? Do they do Things on the spot or do they plan ahead?):

it really depends on the Event. Overall your relationship is Pretty spontaneous. but when it Comes to big Dates like your Birthday or anniversary, Meliodas likes to plan ahead very much. he wants everything to be perfect especially on those Dates and he can´t afford it should something go wrong

S=Sleep (How do they Sleep together?):

he will curl up to you and cling around you like a koala

T=Trust (How much do they trust their s/o?):

too much. he´s Always telling himself that he shouldn´t, that you could betray him and destroy all the happiness he built for himself. it´s just very hard for him to think About his insecurities. but he can´t help himself and Forget About all that when he´s with you. he Trusts you Right from the beginning and will never stop

U=Unique (What makes them unique as a s/o?):

the way he´s very intense in a lowkey Level. he just takes your breath away in everything he does for you, and he doesn´t even do it on purpose

V=Vulnerable (How Long until they can be vulnerable around their s/o? What are they like in this state?):

he will never be fully vulnerable around his S/O. there are simply Moments where he is more open, and in those Moments he will allow himself to cry and be comforted, but Nothing more. He doesn´t want his vulnerability get in the way of anything

W=Wild Card (Random domestic headcanon):

he has multiple photo Albums of you and keeps making them for several Milestones in your relationship or just Special and nice days. he likes to look at those photos and remember the happiness on those days

X=X-Ray (What would they do if their s/o was injured?):

tend to their wound and look after them with all of his care

Y=Yuck (Do they have any pet peeves About their s/o? Are there any Habits that might bother their s/o?):

he doesn´t really mind any Habits that his S/O might expose, except for when they are headstrong and rush into a fight without thinking. as for him, he does get quite closed off at times

Z=Zeal (Are they passionate as a s/o? Do they want or like Passion?):

not really, he´s more of a calm Lover than a passionate one

[little-lily-w]

oh my- imagine him getting so mad at something you said and he roughly fucks your ass for the first time and he doesn’t even use lube or anything and he doesn’t stop until he cums and afterwards when you try and push him away and say that you hate him he shushes you and says that you don’t hate him and he says he’s so sorry, and he runs you a warm bath to try and stop your shaking fffff gotta love manipulative michael 🤤

Prison guard

Words: 1 k

Warnings: non-con

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?”, the sudden sound of the door opening makes you jump. Through the mirror in front of you, Michael´s silhouette rests ceremoniously against the frame, half of his lips curled up as soon as they watch your doll up reflection, the top and the thin black mini-skirt doing wonders of heat in his pelvic area. “Such a tempting little snack. All for me?”

You smile and turn around, passing your hands through your clothes to disappear a few wrinkles.

“Well, yeah, but not today”, his half smirk vanishes and you hurry to clarify: “I mean, I´m going out with Lola and Mark”. That disgusting name. Typical attempt of bodybuilder whose neurons are being consumed one by one with each protein supplement he buys.

“No, you are not”, he replies not wanting to show the jealousy burning his veins.

“That´s not under discussion, I´m afraid”, your cocky accent betraying your self-preservation instinct. Then you attempt to walk past him but Michael moves to cover the door space, not allowing you to leave, “What´s the matter?”

“Maybe I wasn´t clear enough. You´re not going out”.

“Bullshit. If you pretend to take away my freedom to have fun with my friends, you are mistaken”. His only response is a dark chuckle.

“Careful, little girl, you are closer to cross the line”, the heat of his pelvis ascends to his face too like magma.

“Oh really? I think it´s you who should move out of that line and stop behaving like an immature prison guard”.

As soon as Michael cracks his neck, your fate is granted and your braveness washes off moving a step backwards as his heel kicks slightly the door for it close with a terrifying squealing sound.

“Oh, no, I´m afraid the windows are not available as an escape way”, he taunts you when you start looking everywhere with a heartbeat to the roof. “Unless you want to end with a broken leg, which in that case I wouldn´t judge since it may be wiser than letting your body fall into my claws”. You freeze looking up at him trying to inquire in his gaze what he is going to do as he advances forward. “Seems like you have made your own decision”.

It all happens in a second. Both of his arms grab yours and throw you to the bed, the mattress sinking under your rag-doll bones. The waistband of your skirt transforms into his perfect hold to position you on all fours before pulling it up, a not welcome smack against your cheek causing you to gasp.

“Tell me something, little one, haven´t you learned already how to speak properly to me?”. A sudden dry finger pushing to the knuckle hurtfully inside your ass takes your breath away. “I can´t hear you.”

“I´m sorry”, you whine knowing he is not caring about your squirms.

“No, no, no. That doesn´t sound respectful enough for a prison guard. That is proper of a vulgar street whore”. A second long finger enters you with no permission or gentleness at all as they both start moving in and out of your hole to create space.

“I´m sorry, Sir. I´m sorry for being disrespectful, Sir”, you try again clenching the sheets to compose yourself.

“Call me incredulous but I still don´t believe you. I mean, what kind of serious guard would I be if take every word that comes out the mouth  of a prisoner like you as the truth?”. His fingers stop inside and expand themselves, moving one to the right and one to the left for him to spit into your open entrance.  

“Michael, please, don´t…”, you whisper, lost and frightened.

“Again failing on addressing your superior accordingly. I guess the manners of a slut are too hard to change. Let´s see what we can do about that.”

All of a sudden his fingers leave you and then, the round head of his cock attempts to push past your hole.

“No, no, no, Michael, please!”, you beg sobbing at the pressure and crawling away from him which doesn´t end in a good result since he grabs you by the top, a broken elastic sound in the way, to put you back in place.

“Move again and you won´t like what is next.”

You are petrified. It´s not like you haven´t taken his fingers before but you´ve never had the thickness of his shaft like that. Although it´s not easy for it to enter you, Michael quickly solves the problem rubbing a mere amount of saliva on the tip; once he gets your ass to comply and take his head, the rest is just keep pushing giving a fuck about your screams.

“PLEASE, IT HURTS!”, you yell, the unmerciful friction burning your rectum.

“Of course it does, darling. You´ll be lucky if you are able to walk after this. Maybe you won´t feel like going out with Mark next weekend.”

You´ve seen him furious, unforgivable, jealous, even cruel. But this time his cock feels like pure evil destroying you, earning pitiful screams each time he pounds too deep with a hard thrust. Slowly, your head falls on the mattress, not wanting to feel anymore but unable to stop the pain. The silk sheets leave your tight hands to enter your mouth, getting stuck between your teeth as you keep growling and growling and he keeps pounding and pounding.

When you sense his cum inside, almost feeling like it has reached your lower belly, your cry is miserable, matching your shaking body to perfection. Once he pulls out, you let your body fall on your side, a wrecked fetal position on the mattress. Michael seems to fall into reality, watching the scenario in which he has left you.

“I´m sorry, Y/N”, he says leaning down to tuck your hair behind the ear.

“Don´t touch me”, you reply between pants and sobs as he picks you up. “I hate you”. 

“Don’t be silly, Y/N. You know that´s not true. Let´s give you a warm bath. It will do good to that sore little ass.”

[ruwithmeguys]

I was asked recently: do you enjoy writing for ll as much as you do for Felicity? You write Felicity like you can hear her thoughts. But then you go and write ll’s character and you manage to keep her IN character without making her bitchy and without pulling her to bits. Do you like writing for her?

Beyond being hugely flattered – SO FLATTERED, MY GOODNESS – and mildly sceptical – I’ve never thought I was anything special in terms of writing ability but I do love keeping characters IN character whilst placing them in new situations – I can answer with complete confidence that, yes. I like writing for LL’s character.

I like knowing just how skewed her perception is. I enjoy writing that perception because in many ways, it’s incredibly indulgent. In reality, no one who wants to be loved and who wants a family should think like LL does. It’s a point of view that’s singular and therefore, interesting. But after writing for her, I truly don’t think the writers knew what to do with their creation, and she was a creation. Just because her name is LL doesn’t make her any less of a creation than Sara. Comic LL? Well, she’s married to a cop; ergo the name Lance. This cop is abusive. Her personality is also very different and she isn’t a lawyer. The writers tried very hard to make LL morally perfect but destroyed it when they realised she’d have to compromise said morals to love Oliver. So they gave her a set of standards that no one could reach and yet had her break them every time Oliver was mentioned. However instead of showing real guilt or shame or SOMETHING that would enable her some character progression, they replaced it wit superiority. It made her a selfish character who were supposed to believe is the opposite.

But you see, well written characters – characters with substance, who aren’t there for a plot purpose but as a defined personality on a show – can be selfless and still do selfish things. They can compromise their integrity and still be morally righteous. They can be good and yet see the virtue in violence.

I give thee Felicity Smoak.

Now KC did her own damage to LL in S1 – she was very determined to make her into something she wasn’t too fast because she clearly believed this show had been created to turn her into a mask wielding superhero who’s better than everyone. But the writers are the main problem – them and the exec’s at CW who threw an actress at the show because she had a contract with them. She was SO not right for the character, but they didn’t care. She’d starred in Supernatural so her name had merit.

(just a hypothetical: if Emily had been cast as LL, would she have possessed the skill to portray the character in a way that could make us like her? I think so, though the writers made this obscenely hard with their contradictory writing. Most would have a lot of difficulty. Still, I’m almost certain that if she HAD been, Oliver would have married the BC: a BC a foot shorter with pretty blue eyes… you know like in the comics *eye roll* Her COMIC BOOK fans ignore even the comic book details.)

ANYWAY!

It’s kind of fascinating really: I made sure to watch the episodes and ingest everything about the characters I write. I don’t always do this and it’s been a while so it’s time for a re-watch (any excuse really) but a few things became incredibly clear once I started. I have a few of Felicity’s habits: I talk to myself in tangents of weirdness and get flustered/blush super easily. I’m not a genius by any definition (mostly I'm a gigantic dumbass) but I wear glasses with my hair in a ponytail and I’m not generally the first person seen in a crowded room so to speak, plus I overthink/second guess everything I say. Like Oliver, I blame myself for everything and worry too much. I’m more solitary than most. I want to save everyone but have no idea how to. I love deeply.

I don’t love easily.

I’m not like Olicity. But when I write, I sort of become them. Or I attempt to. I feel my way through each scene and it becomes quite personal, which would explain the sentence breaks where I intermingle thought and movement with descriptions and speech.

Then I started writing for ll… now, I like to remain unbiased when I analyse a character. I don’t like ll. I don’t appreciate the way she was written in any season – I’m referring to E1 LL, E2 I’ll talk about later – nor did I enjoy KC’s horrific portrayal. It’s no secret, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be fair to her character.

I came up with three literary explanations of her character and this is one of them: the medium between the other two, from ll's point of view (please remember I am at work and therefore cannot write as well as I would like) -

She’s ordinary. Totally ordinary. A normal person who lives, works, eats, sleeps. We can empathise.

She’s part of a nuclear family and she knows her family loves her. She loves them. They’re not a perfect family but they are a good one.

She has an over exaggerated sense of how attractive and intelligent she is, exacerbated by how many people have told her that she’s smart and beautiful. She knows because she’s been told: she’s never questioned her looks or her intelligence and it’s the start of all the bad really. It was reinforced by becoming friends with the two richest kids in the city.

So she’s never had a reason to doubt herself. Not ever. There’s nothing in the world that ever could.

As for how this affects the story:

Through illogical and extremely unlikely circumstances – never explained for two reasons: it wasn’t important enough to the writers and they wrote themselves into many a corner with ll’s character as they tried to fit her into a universe that didn’t want to house their forced creation – she became good friends with Tommy Merlyn and Oliver Queen.

Oliver Queen makes her do the one thing she’s never done: doubt herself.

Surely she’s pretty enough for him to choose her. Smart enough. Good enough. Strong enough. Enough. She’s ENOUGH for him. They fit each other. He’s the Romeo to her Juliette. She’s aiming high and look, he’s right there: her partner along the way to the top. Her partner and her WAY. Her financer. Her ego boost. Her meal ticket. Her proof that she’s ENOUGH. Her proof that she’s relevant. That she’s BETTER-

THAN. HER. SISTER.

Because, gosh: LL’s world is dictated, her entire sense of self validated, by the existence of Sara Lance. I kid you not. I found this in the show… and it should make you feel sympathy for her. Should make you care. But she destroys our ability to give a crap because of how she handles everything with her sister.

Sara, who is daddy’s girl.

Sara who Oliver keeps leering over and not the older, better sister.

Sara who her mother sides with all the time.

Sara with the multitude of friends.

Sara with the better body.

Sara. Sara. Sara.

Why? Laurel does everything right: she follows the rules, does as she’s told, has become the role model. How does Sara keep BEATING her?

Is it… because Sara takes what she wants and gets away with it? She takes other people’s boyfriends - Laurel’s seen her do this (Arrow S1.5 comics) - she swindles her father for more allowance, her mother gives her free reign over the phone line… she’s selfish.

Well then, so shall LL be.

Suddenly Sara’s grounded-

And it WAS the right thing to do, Sara was too young and she didn’t want her heralded as a slut so soon. Ollie wouldn’t want anything to do with her anyway, but the way she throws herself at him is embarrassing, right?

-And the ‘Ollie Express’ is open season. He says yes. They have sex. Now she has him. She’s wanted by Ollie Queen and he’s settling down for HER. No one else and certainly not Sara. She’s beaten Sara and she’s assured a future for herself. His mother adores her. She fits in.

She can breathe freely again.

And Oliver, he’s so much more than people think: he’s sweet and kind- so what if he’s not that smart, she’s smart enough for the both of them. He’s reliable and honest. He makes her feels beautiful and wanted. All is right in the world. No matter what happens, she’ll always be the one who became Oliver’s first real girlfriend, because she’s special to him. She’s SPECIAL. She’s what he-

Except he’s having an affair behind her back.

With Sara.

Sara who she’d beaten.

Sara who isn’t as smart or as pretty or as EVERYTHING as LL.

Sara who’d gotten on a boat with her boyfriend.

She’s humiliated, but more than that… she’s confused. It’s nonsensical.

She’s everything. She’s perfect. She’s the ONE so… Oliver was happy. He was ready to move forwards with her. Why did he do this? Why does Sara keep beating her? She’s BETTER than Sara.

She’s better than all of them.

If they can't see that, see her... then why do they matter?

And then the realisation: she’s hard done to. She’s the scorned woman. She’s the one betrayed. She’s the one who’s grieving. She’s the one who deals with it in the best way. She’s the one who’ll walk out of this on top.

Oliver and Sara lost at sea? That’s nothing. NOTHING. She’s the one who got hurt and she never deserved it. They should have respected her. Should have loved her more. Ollie deserved to die at sea.

And so… an impetus is born: it generates into an unbreakable mind-set, separated from reality, one that we have to put up with until she dies. Literally.

Narcissism. It’s almost a disorder.

And it’s in the most impossible form: she sets a deliberately high standard for the world to attempt to reach and she gets to watch from up high as everyone tries to touch her seat. A standard that everyone must follow EXCEPT her. If anyone fails to meet it for whatever reason (and they always do), then they fail her expectations and therefore they fail her (this was admitted by KC herself, just fyi). They’re no longer good enough.

But she is though. She’s the ONLY one good enough. She loves her family, but she’s better than them. They’re all liars and stealers and selfish – Sara – betrayers – mom – neglecters – dad – cheaters and disappointments – Ollie – and unworthy – Tommy.

She doesn’t need them, not ever. How could she when she’s better? How could they ever meet her wavelength? How could they ever understand her mission, her heart, when they can’t meet her at the top?

But then her father, who can’t appreciate her because he isn’t capable of seeing her the way he should, makes her feel GUILT about her choice to be a DA.

Uh oh. Suddenly; she doesn’t sound righteous. She sounds like she’s becoming a lawyer for money-

NO. no, LL doesn’t do that, right? She’s better, so she can’t. She can’t fall beneath her FATHER’S set of standards because her own are so much better and she doesn’t have to meet her own because they’re for everyone else on the planet who are undeserving and have yet to face her justice. No one can outrun her justice, her standards.

Except herself.

But her father’s seen something in her, something twisted. The call of money and power and status and it’s a filthy thing isn’t it? Greed. Lust. Covetous.

She becomes the expert at coveting what others have, even as she judges them.

But she has to hide the filth: she’s better than her demons because she judges even them. Her father knows nothing. He doesn’t see her, so how could he? She’ll help him see her.

She joins CNRI to prove him wrong. She’s the pure one again whilst her father’s the alcoholic who can’t get over the daughter who left instead of adoring the daughter who stayed. The daughter who fights.

She sleeps with Tommy because she can, because she’s needy, because he’s Ollie’s best friend; the closest thing to the man she loves and hates and no one need ever know the notch she tied that night to her bed post.

Ollie did it with Sara after all. He could have had the bed post instead of just the notch. He died before he could realise that.

But it happens again and again for months and she has to admit, it’s thrilling aiming down. Obeying an urge for once and she needs the release: getting a job with CNRI immediately after law school instead of the requisite two years in a firm is impossible, but not for LL. Still, it’s tiring and it feels unrewarding, which is why she also needs the ego boost. She needs the validation, that it isn't all for nothing.

This way, she’s both fucking her past goodbye and giving it the finger.

She stops once she gets the job. Stepping stones, all of it. She doesn’t need Tommy, doesn’t need her father, doesn’t need law school anymore because she doesn’t obey the rules like everyone else HAS to.

When Oliver returns, she ignores him. He should have died: it was his punishment for forsaking their happiness.

He can’t touch her anymore; he can only watch from afar. She likes him watching. Likes him seeing exactly what he lost and can never have, what he destroyed.

Sara died because of him.

Her father became a drunk because of him.

Her mother left because of him.

She had to sleep with Tommy because of him.

All whilst he sunbathed on some island somewhere. And look, he doesn’t have to work to earn a living: he’s loaded. He doesn’t have to fight for anything, doesn’t have to strive or push like she does-

She’s envious. And she misses him. And if she misses him, he must miss her. They used to be so happy-

Wait… He suffered on the island?

He was punished?

If he suffered… does that mean he learned from his mistakes and that’s why he apologised?

He earned his stay on the island so maybe… he’s earned the right to forgiveness?

Suddenly he’s too tempting. She could have him again: he’s telling her she could. Oliver Queen, playboy billionaire, learned his lesson and wants her.

Of course he does.

She’s the best woman alive.

It’s the biggest ego boost of her life; a wave of chemicals that carries her away, that makes her kiss him. That scares her because she thought she was strong enough to not ant him again. EXCITEDLY because if he’s also the vigilante who went to HER for help-

But then… he reveals that he’s damaged and still a playboy and she has to retract once he fails her standards again.

A damaged man who won’t pursue her? Not her problem. She’s not interested. That man isn’t her Ollie. She'll check in again when he isn't quite so damaged.

Yet, even as Tommy worms into her, she keeps Oliver in mind.

It truly stuns her when he gives them his blessing. He… he was supposed to want her, to show reluctance.

Why does he look happy for them? She’s not.

He’s giving up the chance of them, and he’s SMILING?

How can he be? Doesn’t it torture him? She’s choosing his best friend over him, FEEL SOMETHING. FIGHT.

But he doesn't.

And he is changing, improving. Making waves - she’s taking notice.

So let him date lesser women, they won’t last and they DON’T.

HAH.

In the meantime, she’s fighting crime. The vigilante NEEDS her – he hasn’t asked anyone else for help: there’s only her. Tommy loves HER. Ollie loves her. Her father keeps butting in because he’s afraid for her safety and he’s realised just how prominent a figure she’s becoming, how important she is, but he’s too late to have a say in her life and he must watch her advance.

It all revolves around her now, as it should have before. She's the lead of her own story. They’re all realising how right she was, how they never should have put her second and not first. How they should have never made her feel less, and it’s ridiculous how she ever let them. They were all wrong.

She was made for greatness.

And then Ollie tells her everything she already knew about herself and it’s a king-size aphrodisiac: he thinks the same way she does. He knows she was always the best, always the ONE. He’s reached her level. And together they can soar above all others. They’re in love and will evolve and will lead the city into the future together. It's all slotting into place.

But he’s not her; he’s not righteous so she can ignore him when he gives her solid advice about staying out of the Glades. He’ll learn that she knows better, is better. That the world makes way for her and not the other way around-

Tommy dies.

It’s not because of the way she thinks. It's not because she was wrong. It’s NOT.

It was his choice, not hers. She doesn’t have to listen, but he should have. She never wanted him to come get her, she was waiting for Oliver.

And Oliver does come to her apartment: they reminisce. They’re together and that’s all that matters, so she starts planning. He’ll move in with her, there’ll be a marriage and move into the mansion-

Ollie leaves.

Again.

He left. He LEFT. HE-

No, she IS his ONE and ONLY. SHE IS. But the Hood and Malcolm ruined everything. It’s their fault Tommy died, that Ollie left. It wasn't because she was wrong or that she wasn't/isn't enough.

Their fault, not hers.

So why… does she feel guilty?

She knows really, but she pushes it back, away. Admitting to it would irrevocably damage her belief system.

And… she’s always right. And because she’s right, she leads a righteous charge against the hood, because it’s all his fault. Tommy died, ollie left, she’s feeling guilty and she keeps drinking- it’s all someone else’s fault!

Except it’s not.

It’s hers.

She'd been wrong.

Her world view crashes in on itself.

Nothing happened the way it was supposed to. She has no defence because she should have never needed one. That’s what being superior means.

Drugs and alcohol. How the mighty have fallen. No one can know… but even if they do, it doesn’t matter because she’s allowed to grieve like this. It’s grieving. Not shame. She's allowed to drink and change and be self-destructive. And everyone else doesn’t get it, they aren’t being fair.

Tommy dies.

Ollie left again.

She loses her job.

Her best friend gets a position as DA, well she’s not her best friend anymore: how dare she achieve greater. Johanna was supposed to help her, not step past her. Instead, LL is left behind and if her friend won't help her, then what good is she? She doesn’t need Johanna; she doesn’t need anyone.

She’s stronger. Better.

But then Sara comes back…

Sara died. It was her punishment. She’s not serving her punishment anymore. And she's come back, looking like she'd been on a six year pleasure cruise. That isn't fair at all. She’s unworthy. She ruined LL’s life. Her death was justice. How can the source of all her problems be alive…

And beautiful

Vibrant

Intelligent

Attractive to Oliver

Beloved by her father- her father who turned against her again in favour of Sara

Sara who went through the worst and resurfaced out untouched. Clean. As if SHE IS stronger, better. More.

How can I be like that?

She can’t.

Somewhere, deep down… she knows she can’t.

And she’s humbled by Sara who made her see how much she’d fallen… and for now, Sara can be the better of the two. She can pick up the slack and LL can watch, proud of her baby sister. She can give herself a break and compare others to her sister. Measure them by Sara’s measuring stick.

But it won’t be long at all until she’s BACK. Until she’s just as bright.

Until she’s better than Sara.

Until Sara needs her.

Until her father needs her.

Until Oliver needs her, because he stopped looking at her when she fell from on high.

She wants to return, to be part of that world.

But Sara is killed before she can become as beautiful. And it’s so clear that becoming as beautiful is impossible for LL. It too hard to digest that Sara is gone: Sara, the perfect fruition of a Lance daughter. The perfect her. The version of her that LL wished she'd been. So she’ll take on the mantle to honour Sara…

And in becoming Sara, she’s able to be more again. Be better again. Get back on that high saddle once more and she’s missed it up there. It feels right. It feels REALLY good. She’s been watching and learning… and her covetous nature had never died. She can’t be as bright as Sara.

So she’ll just become darker. A better Canary, never mind that canaries aren't dark.

She’ll wear Sara’s suit but she’ll be more. She’ll own it and make it her own, because this was always meant to be. It was never supposed to be Sara.

SHE is the justice you can’t run from.

This is the world she was made for. Oliver’s world. It was meant to be. So what if he’s angry at her presence: it’s because he cares about her, because he loves her. She'll fight him for a spot. He let Sara fight with him because he didn’t love her as much, but he loves LL too much. That’s why they aren’t together. Sometimes it’s just too painful to risk.

And it’s the best therapy. No more drugs. It’s addictive and it’s painful, but it’s better than anything else- in fact, it’s better than sex. Better than Oliver-

Oliver… Left?

With Felicity?

Because… he just wants her. HER. Out of everyone. He’s casting aside the hood… for another woman.

He and ll: they're supposed to fighting together, THAT’S how this works.

Then it’s just a phase. He’ll return and fight and realise he can’t live without the hood. He can’t without LL.

Except it’s not working, her fighting. She’s not changing the city so much as watching over it. She’s not moving forward. There’s a void.

There’s no more Sara.

She needs Sara. She needs Sara more than Ollie. The world made more sense with Sara. She might be the BC but Sara showed her the way. Her compass is gone. Her light is gone. And now LL is lost. If Sara’s back, she’ll feel better. There’ll no more void. No more emptiness. And maybe her life can WORK again.

And it’s okay, because she needs it. It’s okay to use Thea, because they’re friends and LL is loved by all. It's okay if disturbing the dead because, she wants it badly enough. It’s okay that Sara kills someone because it’s for the greater good: it’s for LL.

And with Sara alive somewhere, Oliver being with someone else doesn’t feel so bad. They’re soul mates after all, maybe one day…

And then he and Felicity break up and it’s PERFECT: no more Felicity in the basement, they don’t need her for him to stare at and Sara is alive. Oliver is TRAINING her. HE needs HER. Trusts her. LOVES her. WANTS HER.

So she suggests sex and-

He… is totally unreceptive. Isn’t… remotely interested… isn’t even remotely forward.

But… he’s in love with her and no longer tied down to Felicity. This should work. It’s been leading to this, right?

She has it all: she’s queen of the basement, Felicity is elsewhere and it doesn’t matter – so what if Thea isn’t talking to her, if Sara is out of the country. She and Oliver will fight crime together and maybe he’ll learn to love her again. Maybe he’ll-

Never. Love. Her. Not the way she loves him.

Because there’s just NOTHING there for him with her. He's alone even when he's with her and she knows what that's like.

Maybe he never could reach high enough to her again.

Maybe he knows he’ll never be good enough…

Or maybe... she’s just that conceited and Felicity… Felicity is just THAT wonderful,  that necessary to him because she is, isn’t she? She was there when LL wasn’t:

Felicity believed when LL didn’t

Felicity cared when LL didn’t

Felicity led him to places LL couldn’t

Felicity is, in many ways, stronger than LL and Sara combined and that truth stings

Felicity changed him without trying to

Felicity made him better… and ll can already see the cracks in him where Felicity’s absence has hurt him.

Without Felicity, Oliver will fall: LL's presence won't stop that.

Without Felicity, the city will crumble… because in the end, ll’s just a tiny pawn in a huge movement that she hasn’t contributed much to and she admits this finally to herself and to Oliver. The dirty truth.

It was all to feel alive, not to SAVE lives. It was all for her. But that doesn’t mean she’ll just let Oliver live without her because it’s thanks to her that he got on that boat: she helped create him! She’s responsible. She’s the ALBATROSS and she will never leave him. She changed his life forever: she left her indelible hand-print: SHE IS IMPORTANT DAMMIT.

The most important.

FLATLINE.

The end.

O_O

Yeah.

There's a less harsh explanation for LL:

She’s defensive due to the bad way she was treated after believing that her life was perfect, to her own detriment. She doesn’t have the kind of personality others can enjoy and rather than try to gain friends, she decides to simply be herself no matter how she comes across.

And there’s a much harsher explanation:

LL, at heart, isn’t a very nice person. She knows this so she builds an image that opposes the inner her. Addictions make her feel better about who and what she is, but they also help her to manage the stress of being, inside, the kind of person who doesn’t feel the empathy she should. There's an image to maintain so that no one knows the truth. Becoming a vigilante is more about how it feels to break rules and gain the kind of power only a mask can provide, than it is about helping people. In the end, she’s able to gain that vindictive pleasure of knowing that Oliver will never be without her. And every version of a canary has caused Oliver nothing but grief which is fine… because he broke her. Deep down, she just wants to be bad without being judged for it. Without facing consequences, which is why black siren fit the bill so much more than E1 LL ever did.

Again, this is just an opinion and a bit of fun when writing fanfic-

Anyway, Jessica's shutting up now because that’s enough out of me for one day. Back to work.

[kurtty-drabbles]

SU/Lovecraft( Egypt)

N/A: Oh, boy ever since I saw the PPG episode where they blatantly reference Nyarty, I thought, NOPE, I need to do a drabble with this idea somehow.

@djinmer4 @dannybagpipesarecalling

Elisabeth Braddock saw far too much to not question anything the X-men request by this point, so, when Ororo and Kitty asked, in a private meeting, for a trip to Egypt and Wakanda(that is no longer a secret) the woman didn´t question much, however, as Ororo is explaining the hostile situation between Wakanda and Atlantis Betsy´s eyes travel to Kitty´s cleavage not in a leery sense, but her shirt is covered with buttons and one of them are opening letting the woman see a glimpse of the birthmark and the woman can´t help feeling a bit of discomfort by the birthmark. It is ugly, extremely ugly.

"Betsy!" Ororo screams noticing Betsy´s face and where her eyes are and have white eyes looking at the Braddock in disappointment.

"I´m sorry, I shouldn´t be looking" Betsy tries to explain as she averts her eyes away from Kitty, who in turn, does not seem to care much.

"Is fine, is ok." she sighs " I got this odd birthmark and many got uncomfortable around it, I can´t explain how I got it, but I got it and I don´t mind, but don´t need to gawk at me, is just a birthmark like any other"

"Of course," Betsy said feeling her skin crawl and only subside when Kitty closed all the buttons. The plan is to Ororo go to Wakanda and talk with the leaders as well a representant of Atlantis is there waiting for her and Kitty can´t help by admiring this woman that is so important to the point that two nations cease temporarily their feud to hear her talk.

"Kitten, promise you´ll be careful," Ororo asked once they are arriving in their destination and the woman nods "whatever you may see there it won´t be pretty"

"I know, but, we need more information about him"

________________________________

Ororo arrives in Wakanda, the welcome party was less than ideal as the bodyguard of the king look at her in a mix of distrust and admiration. Namor and T´Challa share different opinions on the mutant named Storm as she asked for an alliance with both countries to defeat a bigger threat.

Shure, the princess, and wearing her black panther uniform, has one emotion at seeing Ororo Monroe again.

"You dare to show your face here? You betray us for your precious X-men and now talk about an alliance" Shuri speaks and half of the council shares her sentiment "and do you really think we would form an alliance with our enemies to fight one of your problems?"

"Shuri, what I did in the past does not matter a moment, the earth is in danger and last time I check Wakanda is part of EARTH as much Atlantis is, this fight of you can wait for another day, this situation cannot," Ororo stated in a regal way and many are deliberating about this.

"What is the name of this foe that even the X-men have a problem with?" Namor asked once again shirtless.

"We don´t dare to say his name, but here we call him the black pharaoh" the name is well known for everyone even Shuri who let go of her grudges against Storm to talk with her brother, now, the situation has changed.

___________________________________

Kitty walks into the city of Cairo and looking for a cult that workship the crawling god is not as much of a daunting task as she thought it would be. The crawling god of chaos may have several different names, but, in the end, it is easy to spot his cult.

However, the cult in itself was not what Kitty was expecting, instead of a scary dungeon with dead bodies, she is in the conference room 222, and instead of death talk and maniacal laughter, all she is listening is a power point presentation with a smiling woman.

(Lovecraft is wrong as Nyarty´s cult is really diverse)

Kitty Pryde is one of the new members and is getting feed up to the power point presentation as the woman(the leader of the taking care of new members and is a true Egyptian woman, named Chione,  with dark skin and her assistant is a British woman, named Amy, with a white skin, if Kitty had any humour at the moment, she would laugh at how Lovecraft was wrong)  

"Any questions? Amy please, give them the flyers to the new members" Chione suggested and the British woman happily obliges giving the flyers to Kitty and to Jenna, a woman with Aussie accent and with red hair along with green eyes. that likes to mention her travels. Kitty is ignoring the other woman as she raises her hand.

"Yes, Miss Pryde?" Chione asked looking at more papers and Kitty can´t understand his cult.

"Where is the big boss?" the question break the mood as Chione and Amy stop smiling, Kitty is not looking at Jenna, as the woman answer in unison.

"No one can see him nor speak his name, the crawling god appears to the ones that truly deserve it and your fame or money or beauty or much less money will impress the crawling god of chaos" the women answer together and Kitty has to admit that was pretty creepy.

"Do you all know that the big boss wants to destroy the earth?" Kitty asked deadpan.

"Our God will save us if we prove our worth," they said and Kitty shakes her head making more question about his origin and any potential weakness none of those questions makes Kitty gain any favour from the women.

"The Black Pharaoh has no weakness. He is the chaos itself" the women said" the ones who know him more, are in the higher part of the cult and not even us are in there"

"So...you never talk with them?"

"We have lucid dreams, courtesy of him, but, never where graced by his presence" the women have a somewhat sad expression and Kitty narrow her eyes to them and them look at Jenna who is writing on the paper.

"What if I told you he is right here?" Kitty asked and the women look as if Kitty insulted them as her eyes travel to Jenna who stops writing and looks at her with a creepy smile on her face as she starts to laugh at the situation.

"Aww, Katzchen, you really came here to see me?" Jenna said as, with a snap of her fingers, Kitty and Jenna are on the hellish dimension, like the red hair giggles madly. "that´s new, usually people never notice until is too long, how peculiar"

"I can see your face," Kitty said and this makes Jenna stops smiling as she looks at Kitty´s doe eyes narrowing his eyes(she, his mask is a female now) and a dark blue tentacle wrapped Kitty´s waist.

" You can see my face?" Jenna asked as now with her eyes crimson and golden. "Come with me, little human"

"And your cult?" Kitty asked.

"They are not important, not worthy enough, but you...you are." the Jenna smiles maniacally.

"Why?" Kitty said with her crystal blue eyes appearing as her hands have the same glow.

"Because you are the last thing of ...Zaorva" his tentacle touch, oh so gently, her hand, looking at the palm of her hand with a soft expression that Kitty remember from her dream(dream? that was real, but, it is hard to explain what is real and fantasy sometimes) as the tentacle seems to reverence Kitty´s palms with a longing gaze.

"Zaorva?" Kitty asked.

"She dies before marking you, it is because of her that you got this power and her shield," Jenna said.

"But...I never meet this Zaorva, this power is mine and mine alone" Kitty said shaking her head. The mask is now cracking as the human skin is turning yellow. Kitty starts to struggle among the tentacles and one of her buttons are opened and Jenna saw the birthmark and his eyes are locked on the birthmark.

"Hey!" Kitty said as the tentacle let her go.

"That mark....why you have it? Who are you?"

"The birthmark is a birthmark, you are intelligent to know what this means, also, I´m the human who will defend this planet against you" Kitty has the shield ready and for her surprise, Jenna just walk away as she is now on Cairo, on her small hotel room.

[wrestling-fangirl93]

You’re Safe Now- An Adam Cole Fanfiction ~Part 6

“be careful okay?” i say ask i lightly kiss his lips

“i will, i always am” he says

“don’t do anything stupid” i say worriedly

“don’t worry babe i’ll be fine” he says

i leave him in his locker room and walk out to the crowd, taking my seat in the front row.

i watch as each performer walks out, each one staring at the ladders. Then i hear the familiar entrance theme begin  ‘ Shock The System’ and I see Adam walk out from behind the curtain. We lock eyes for a split second as he passes me. I scream along with the crowd as he does his usual ‘Adam Cole Baybay

The bell rings, he instantly starts attacking the others in the match. As the match progresses on, i watch as he takes the craziest bumps off of ladders, and onto ladders. Cringing each time i hear his flesh hit.

I could tell he was hurting, just by how he was grabbing his ribs, and i could visibly see marks all over his chest. i was relieved when he was the last one in the ring, and climbed to the top of the ladder, and pulling down the title. i was glad the match was over, and that he wasn’t seriously hurt.

I walk back to the trainers area, where Kyle and Bobby are waiting. moments later he walks in, looking worse than i expected him to. Kyle and Bobby share a few words with him, before leaving the room. letting me have some time with him

he could see the look of worry on my face, and instantly grabbed my hand

“i’m okay baby, i promise.” he says trying to reassure me. 

i quickly wrap my arms around him, and hug him, trying not to hurt him

“I've been hurt worse” he says 

“i’m just not used to seeing you so banged up” i say with a shaky voice

this time, he hugs me, and kisses my forehead. he looks me in the eyes and smiles. “i’m okay babe, yes i’m sore, and banged up, but i’m alive, i’m not seriously hurt, just a little banged up is all” he says

“i believe you, but please be careful later when you have to wrestle again” i say

“don’t worry i will” he says

I kiss him and wrap my arms around him

“congrats baby” i say

“thank you baby girl” he says happily

“i can’t believe you won, and it was a great match” i say

“i’m glad you liked it” he says

“when do you go back out?” i ask

“after this match” he says

i start to get worried again

“don’t worry love, we have a plan” he says

“alright break it up love birds, we have some tag titles to retain” Bobby says

“i’ll be watching, please be careful” i say hugging him one last time

“i will, don’t worry” he says

“i love you, good luck out there” i say

“i love you too” he says before kissing me

when Adam said they had a plan he wasn’t kidding. Of course i was slightly worried when he went through the announce table, but once i saw that Roddy betrayed Pete and helped them keep their titles, i was relieved.

I walked to the trainers area, again waiting for them to come in. i hear Kyle’s big mouth from down the hallway. Once i see his face, my heart instantly melts.

i let the doctors check him out, thankfully its nothing serious. he just needs to rest for a few days. As soon as he’s cleared, I instantly wrap my arms around him. 

“i am so proud of you” i say

“thank you baby, tonight was amazing, but mostly because i knew i had the most amazing girl in the world standing by my side” he says

“how about you get ready, and we’ll go back to the hotel” i say

“that sounds great” he says

“and we can stop on the way and get some pizza” i say

“you had me at pizza” he says as he starts walking toward his locker room.

I sit in his locker room, waiting for him as he gets dressed.

“you okay?” he asks

“yeah why?” i ask

“you look like you were zoning out” he says

“i’m fine, just tired. i didn’t sleep well last night” i say

“why?” he asks

“i guess i was just nervous about today” i say

“you had nothing to worry about love” he says

“i know but i just kept thinking the worst case scenario. you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and i can’t afford to lose you” i say

“you’ll never lose me baby. we’ve been together 7 months, and they’ve been the best months of my life. i want to be with you forever, someday i want to have kids with you, grow old together, you’re my best friend, and the most amazing girlfriend ever” he says

“i feel the same way, i can’t wait to have a family with you, to steal your last name, my life has changed so much, especially the last few weeks. I've never felt safer than i do with you.” i say

“i promised you, i’d show you what it truly meant to be loved, and i meant every word. i’ ll never stop loving you” he says

He takes my hand in his and we start walking toward the car. He insists on driving although he’s hurt. he drives to a local pizza place, he parks the car across the street. we get out and start walking toward the restaurant 

“come on slow poke i’m hungry” he says

“you’re always hungry” i say

“true, but i’m a growing boy” he says

“more like an overgrown child” i say

he stick his tongue out at me, which makes me laugh

“what sounds good to you” he asks as we are seated and handed menus

“i’m not too hungry” i say

he glares at me.

“i know you’re lying” he says

“i’m really not lying, i ate quite a bit in catering earlier with the girls” i say

“i still don’t believe you” he says

“what do you want?” i ask

“pizza” he says

“okay smart ass, what kind of pizza”

“probably meat lovers, but if you want something different we can order what you want” he says

“i’m thinking of getting a salad” i say

he glares at me again

“what? i’ll eat pizza too, but i want a salad” i say

“what do you want on your pizza?” he asks

“we’ll get what you want, and i’ll pick off the sausage” i say

“or we could just get pepperoni and bacon so you don’t have to pick off the sausage” he says

“but you like sausage” i say

“but you don’t” he says

“i’ll give you want i pick off” i say

he finally agrees. and we order our food

Adam takes my hands in his , staring deeply into my eyes. smiling the entire time

“i wanted to do this a while ago, but i was afraid to.” he says as he pulls out a little box, and opening it

i sit there speechless, wondering what’s about to happen

“i wanted to give you this promise ring when you first moved in with me. to show you how much i really love you, to promise my heart is entirely yours, and that i promise to keep loving you, more ad more each day. no matter what” he says

“i love you Adam, so much more than you’ll ever know” i say as he slips the ring on my finger

“someday i’ll replace that with an engagement ring, and eventually a wedding ring” he says

“but for now, this is good enough. you had my heart a long time ago” 

@thebutterflygirl16

[attractionsteps-blog]

How To Forgive A Cheating Husband…

Don’t neglect your emotions.

You will want to take your anger out by hurting your cheating husband or by taking revenge.

This is not the right way to face your emotions, try dealing with your anger without taking it out on your husband.

Try talking to a close family member or a friend, consider writing your feelings down in a diary or a journal, go for a walk, sing or dance it out or even punch a pillow.

Just do not project your rage on people around you.

Forgiveness will set you free.

When the person you have vowed to stay with and love forever cheats on you, your first instinct is to curse him and never ever forgive him. Forgiving a cheating spouse is not easy.

But, forgive your husband not because he is sorry and has apologized a million times.

forgive him for YOUR peace of mind because YOU deserve it. Letting go of mistakes and forgiving is an important tool for a prosperous marriage.

Forgiveness does not mean that you are overlooking the insensitive behavior of your husband.

but it is still possible to forgive him when you cannot help but picture your husband betraying you and you start feeling nauseated.

think of your calm happy place or distract yourself and do something so you do not think about it for too long.

give him a chance to become a better husband.

Get The Answers You Need.

Don’t hesitate to ask for the answers you need.

Ask your husband what made him do it.

Learn about what might make him do it again. Ask him if something about your marriage pushed him into doing it.

Build a new marriage and make it your goal to survive the anger and the insecurities.

You and your husband need to reassure each other to come out of this rough patch.

Learn how to forgive a cheater first, give him a second chance and you will see the change in your husband soon.

And these are the three ways to teach you how to forgive a cheating husband.

It is natural to want to know why your partner cheated, but there is rarely a simple answer to why someone becomes unfaithful.

It could be a symptom of other problems in your marriage, it could relate to something in your partner’s past, or it could be totally unrelated to you or to your marriage.

No matter the cause, you’ll have a lot of complicated feelings to sort through, and a lot to think about as you decide how to move forward. These eight tips can help you cope with the aftermath of betrayal:

Accept Your Feelings. Shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression, and confusion are normal. You will likely feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster for a while.1 It takes time to get beyond the pain of having an unfaithful mate.

Don’t expect the mixture of feelings and the mistrust to go away even if you’re trying to forgive your partner and repair your marriage. Your marriage has changed and it is natural to grieve the relationship you once had.

Don’t Seek Revenge. Being betrayed by your partner can induce rage. In your furious state, your first instinct may be to punish your mate by trash-talking him to friends (or worse, on social media), or think about having an affair yourself to get even.

You may get a temporary sense of satisfaction from these sorts of actions, but ultimately they can work against you, keeping you in a state of anger instead of focusing on healing and moving on, alone or together.

Think before you tell your family, as well. They will likely have strong opinions about what you should do—leave or stay. But nobody else really understands what goes on in another person’s marriage.

While you are pondering how you’re going to proceed, it’s best to keep the details private.

Try to Take Care of Yourself. You may have some physical reactions due to stress such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep problems (too little or too much), shakiness, difficulty concentrating, not wanting to eat, or overeating.

Once the initial shock has passed, try your best to eat healthy foods, to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get some exercise each day, to drink plenty of water, and, yes, to have some fun.

Avoid the Blame Game. Blaming yourself, your partner, or the third party won’t change anything and it’s just wasted energy. Try not to play the victim, either, if you can help it, or wallow in self-pity. It will only make you feel more helpless and bad about yourself.

Keep Your Kids out of It. This situation is between you and your partner and should not involve your children. Even if you have decided to end your marriage, sharing details about an affair will only put your kids in an untenable position, causing them anxiety, making them feel stuck in the middle, and forced to take sides.

Seek Counseling. Don’t try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone. Before you make any decisions about whether or not to end your marriage, it’s wise to talk to a couple’s counselor, who will be neutral and can help you gain insight into what exactly happened.2 You can ask your partner questions and share your feelings without losing your cool.

An experienced therapist can help you communicate better and process feelings of guilt, shame, and whatever else you might be feeling. If you decide to end the marriage, you ‘ll know that you tried your best to make it work.

Get Practical. If you suspect that the affair will most likely lead to the end of your marriage, give some thought to practical matters, such as where you will live, if you have enough money to pay for your essentials, and, if you have kids, the type of custody arrangement you want.

You may also want to consider asking your partner to be tested for STDs, and to get yourself tested as well if you have had sex during or after the affair.

Take It One Day at a Time. Infidelity is one of the more difficult challenges a marriage can face, but it doesn’t always mean it’s the end.

As you work through the aftermath over time, it will become clear how to go forward so that the next phase of your life, together or apart, can begin.

Be Fair. We’re not saying rush into his arms at the first instance when he does something to win you back. This is cheating, remember, and not a lover’s tiff. But if a gesture from him genuinely warms your heart, let him know.

He’s as scared as you are, and probably dealing with guilt, so telling him that something he did made you feel better, or made you feel reassured will go a long way in cementing your relationship once again, this time without letting any cracks show.

In all of this, don’t lose sight of yourself. You don’t owe it to anyone to forgive your husband if you’re not going to be happy doing it. Remember, forgiveness is more for your own peace than anyone else and you shouldn’t feel cornered or pressurized to forgive him for the sake of something.

Relationship goals.

Dating & Couples Relationship Advice.

Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship.

How to get ex-back Relationship with Attraction Steps.

[attractionsteps1-blog]

How To Forgive A Cheating Husband…

How I Learned To Forgive My Husband!

Don’t neglect your emotions. You will want to take your anger out by hurting your cheating husband or by taking revenge.

This is not the right way to face your emotions, try dealing with your anger without taking it out on your husband.

Try talking to a close family member or a friend, consider writing your feelings down in a diary or a journal, go for a walk, sing or dance it out or even punch a pillow.

Just do not project your rage on people around you. Relationship Goals

Forgiveness will set you free. When the person you have vowed to stay with and love forever cheats on you, your first instinct is to curse him and never ever forgive him. Forgiving a cheating spouse is not easy.

But, forgive your husband not because he is sorry and has apologized a million times.

forgive him for YOUR peace of mind because YOU deserve it. Letting go of mistakes and forgiving is an important tool for a prosperous marriage.Forgiveness does not mean that you are overlooking the insensitive behavior of your husband.

but it is still possible to forgive him when you cannot help but picture your husband betraying you and you start feeling nauseated. think of your calm happy place or distract yourself and do something so you do not think about it for too long. give him a chance to become a better husband. Relationship Goals

Get The Answers You Need. Don’t hesitate to ask for the answers you need.

Ask your husband what made him do it.

Learn about what might make him do it again. Ask him if something about your marriage pushed him into doing it.

Build a new marriage and make it your goal to survive the anger and the insecurities.

You and your husband need to reassure each other to come out of this rough patch. Learn how to forgive a cheater first, give him a second chance and you will see the change in your husband soon.

And these are the three ways to teach you how to forgive a cheating husband.

It is natural to want to know why your partner cheated, but there is rarely a simple answer to why someone becomes unfaithful. 

It could be a symptom of other problems in your marriage, it could relate to something in your partner’s past, or it could be totally unrelated to you or to your marriage.

Relationship Goals

No matter the cause, you’ll have a lot of complicated feelings to sort through, and a lot to think about as you decide how to move forward. These eight tips can help you cope with the aftermath of betrayal:

Accept Your Feelings. Shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression, and confusion are normal. You will likely feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster for a while.1 It takes time to get beyond the pain of having an unfaithful mate. 

Don’t expect the mixture of feelings and the mistrust to go away even if you’re trying to forgive your partner and repair your marriage. Your marriage has changed and it is natural to grieve the relationship you once had.

Don’t Seek Revenge. Being betrayed by your partner can induce rage. In your furious state, your first instinct may be to punish your mate by trash-talking him to friends (or worse, on social media), or think about having an affair yourself to get even.

You may get a temporary sense of satisfaction from these sorts of actions, but ultimately they can work against you, keeping you in a state of anger instead of focusing on healing and moving on, alone or together. Think before you tell your family, as well. They will likely have strong opinions about what you should do—leave or stay. But nobody else really understands what goes on in another person’s marriage.

While you are pondering how you’re going to proceed, it’s best to keep the details private. Relationship Goals

Try to Take Care of Yourself. You may have some physical reactions due to stress such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep problems (too little or too much), shakiness, difficulty concentrating, not wanting to eat, or overeating. 

Once the initial shock has passed, try your best to eat healthy foods, to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get some exercise each day, to drink plenty of water, and, yes, to have some fun.

Avoid the Blame Game. Blaming yourself, your partner, or the third party won’t change anything and it’s just wasted energy. Try not to play the victim, either, if you can help it, or wallow in self-pity. It will only make you feel more helpless and bad about yourself.

Keep Your Kids out of It. This situation is between you and your partner and should not involve your children. Even if you have decided to end your marriage, sharing details about an affair will only put your kids in an untenable position, causing them anxiety, making them feel stuck in the middle, and forced to take sides.

Seek Counseling. Don’t try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone. Before you make any decisions about whether or not to end your marriage, it’s wise to talk to a couple’s counselor, who will be neutral and can help you gain insight into what exactly happened.2 You can ask your partner questions and share your feelings without losing your cool.

An experienced therapist can help you communicate better and process feelings of guilt, shame, and whatever else you might be feeling. If you decide to end the marriage, you ‘ll know that you tried your best to make it work.

Get Practical. If you suspect that the affair will most likely lead to the end of your marriage, give some thought to practical matters, such as where you will live, if you have enough money to pay for your essentials, and, if you have kids, the type of custody arrangement you want. 

You may also want to consider asking your partner to be tested for STDs, and to get yourself tested as well if you have had sex during or after the affair.

Relationship Goals

Take It One Day at a Time. Infidelity is one of the more difficult challenges a marriage can face, but it doesn’t always mean it’s the end.

As you work through the aftermath over time, it will become clear how to go forward so that the next phase of your life, together or apart, can begin.

Be Fair. We’re not saying rush into his arms at the first instance when he does something to win you back. This is cheating, remember, and not a lover’s tiff. But if a gesture from him genuinely warms your heart, let him know. He’s as scared as you are, and probably dealing with guilt, so telling him that something he did made you feel better, or made you feel reassured will go a long way in cementing your relationship once again, this time without letting any cracks show.

In all of this, don’t lose sight of yourself. You don’t owe it to anyone to forgive your husband if you’re not going to be happy doing it. Remember, forgiveness is more for your own peace than anyone else and you shouldn’t feel cornered or pressurized to forgive him for the sake of something.

Relationship goals.

Dating & Couples Relationship Advice.

Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship.

How to get ex-back Relationship with Attraction Steps.

[filipinosmakinghistory]

FAHM17 - October 7th, Talia Quaadgras

Meet Talia Quaadgras, a sophomore at Northeastern University. She is a Filipino-American who wasn’t heavily influenced by Filipino culture while she was growing up.

How would you describe your upbringing?

I would most closely identify it with an American and Dutch-centric upbringing; I learned how to cut my food the European way and sing Dutch happy birthday songs, but I never learned anything very culturally Filipino.

What challenges did you face growing up as a Filipino/Filipino-American?

I didn't really understand how I was different when I was fairly young, or why I felt like I was kept at a distance from some of my white peers. Once I moved into a community with a larger Asian presence, I felt that I didn't fit into the largely Asian friend groups either, and this might have been because I was second-generation Filipino, and thus further removed from the culture, or because the Asian population didn't have any Filipino presences. Probably a combination of both.

Have you ever struggled with your racial/ethnic/cultural identity? Describe this struggle and how you overcame it.

I definitely have, especially as I came to realize how unbalanced my cultural upbringing was-- I felt a little betrayed by my parents that I know so many Dutch traditions, and while that's understandable (I'm first-gen on my dad's side and I have Dutch citizenship) I felt that a dichotomy of Filipino and Dutch culture could have been integrated into my life without compromising either side. In reaction to realizing this, I've made efforts to get in touch with Filipino culture through food, reading, following current events, and learning from a Filipino community.

How has being involved in a Filipino cultural organization helped you to connect with your culture?

I don't really know what a Filipino-American can be like in my generation. Sure, they're a person, but I can learn what people have held on to in their families, little things that I can ask my mother about, to know if that's something that we could have done in our family, and that I could try to bring into my own life. It definitely gives me a bit of a FOMO feeling, but I can't go back and change anything in the past, so instead I try to channel the FOMO a little more productively.

How has your Filipino student org impacted your life?

They've been pretty great. Overall, I'm not the most involved member, but it's nice to have a community of people that I share a little bit of my identity with that I can just be with for a little while-- there's a sense of understanding who I am there, what my underlying identity is, that I just can't get around most of the other people I hang out with. They don't officially mean to, but they've motivated me to investigate my cultural background more, and I'm planning on taking a trip to the Philippines sometime during college to see my roots in person.

Describe a significant event in your life that shaped who you are today.

Moving from a predominantly white, conservative town to a more liberal, diverse town.

What do you feel most grateful for your life?

My parents' support in most everything I do.

Tell us about someone who has had a big influence in your life.

My grandmother- she's such a strong person, and she's infinitely giving. She created Zurich's international Women's society, decades ago, and she always believes the absolute best of me, no matter how much I try to tell her that I have faults.

Describe the happiest moment of your life.

I don't think I have one? That'd be so much pressure, I'd be comparing everything else that ever happens to me to that one moment, and not achieving that level of happiness again, well that'd suck a little.

Can you tell us about one of your most difficult memories?

I got sexually assaulted by someone I thought was a friend. I was ok in the end, but I was kind of messed up for a few days after, and I don't like to talk about it a lot.  

What has been one of your biggest regrets in life so far?

Not spending more time with my grandfather before he passed.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Ideally with a stable job, traveling occasionally.

What traditions have been passed down your family?

Little Dutch traditions, like leaving shoes out to celebrate Sinterklaas day, and one or two small Filipino things, like eating rice with absolutely every meal.

Describe your immediate/household family.

I have mom, who's Filipino, my Dutch immigrant father, and a younger brother, who's a halfie like me.

Do you have any stories involving your older/deceased ancestors?

I know my Filipino grandfather worked for the US Navy, during the Korean War, I believe, so he could later bring my grandmother and the rest of the family to the US later.

Describe an extended family member you are most attached to and the relationship you have with him/her.

My grandmother-as previously noted- but my eldest cousin is cool too. She's half Indian and half Dutch, no Filipino in her, but I've looking up to her for most of my life. She's always been a few steps ahead of me in life, but not too far ahead she forgets some of the struggles, so she gives pretty good advice.

Is having a knowledge of family history important? Why or why not?

I think a bit of immediate family history is important. I want to know what shaped the people that are shaping me, I think that helps me understand where they're coming from and why they do some of the things they do.

What does it mean to be successful in your family?

Success has to do with following your passion. It used to be pretty chemical-engineering focused, but that didn't work out super well for a lot of family, so they've revised it to finding and pursuing passions that are truer to themselves. I''ll be pretty supported in what I want to do as long as I can prove I'll be able to manage myself.

[abode-of-hope-and-despair]

So, I haven't posted for weeks and I don't really have time to write anything still. I'm sorry, but college is killing me. I'll give you some more of my older works I haven't published yet, ok?

Danganronpa soulmate au. Korekiyo Shinguji

I'm continuing with my scenario-oneshots! Next is one of my most beloved boys - Kiyo. Hope you like this one!

Warning: mentions of grooming, abuse, because, well, sister

Happy ending tho. There will be happy ending in each of them 'coz I felt like it

~~~

Soulmate AU, where you have the symbol on your wrist that represent your soulmate in one way or another.

You sighed, feeling hurt and cheated. You pulled up the long sleeve of your f/c sweater and gazed upon the symbol, which was engraved on your skin. A human skull with maroon roses. You knew well who it belongs to.

Korekiyo Shinguji, who you met a few months ago.

You were visiting an exhibition in your local museum. You were fond of human history, mythology and culture, no thanks to school. Actually, you got interested in it while browsing Tumblr one night. You stumbled upon an interesting post about Norse mythology and that`s where it all started.

You stopped in your tracks, examining one of exhibits that caught your attention. Then all of a sudden you heard someone mumbling in awe beside you. You wasn`t particularly chatty person, but you decided to strike a conversation. He gladly kept it up and soon you two became good acquaintances. You exchanged numbers and promised to meet up again.

You did. In fact, you and Korekiyo became close very fast. Alarmingly fast. You could feel more and more attached to him with each passing day. He was smart, passionate about anthropology and just handsome despite always wearing his mask. He started out as someone interesting to you. Someone, who could teach you many things in such a way, you`d be pleading for more. You loved his lectures, his stories, and then at some point you started to like him.

You wanted to get to know him.

And good for you, Shinguji wanted to get to know you as well.

One day you mentioned something about yourself and he showed his interest. In the blink of an eye, you were sharing small things about yourself every once and awhile. You still talked about humanity a lot, however, now you were invested in each other’s lives too. It was only the matter of time that you`d know about his sister.

At first, you thought it was cute. He seemed to treasure his sibling a lot.

Then you found out she`s dead and it was sad. Korekiyo didn`t seemed too fazed by it tho. You treated it as a good thing. He must have moved on, accepting her death, you thought.

Time went and you became concerned. There was so much stuff that sticked out to you as something… wrong. Korekiyo talked a lot about his sister, but the more he talked about her, the more you felt as if it wasn`t your normal love between siblings.

You found out that it wasn`t. They were lovers, which wouldn`t throw you off, if not for one thing.

You also realized he was most likely your soulmate.

When you were little you`d often question: what does you symbol mean. It was different from what people around you had. Kids even joked that your soulmate must be undertaker, a crueler ones claimed you`re soulmates with a serial killer. Your mum thought they`d be a doctor or perhaps an archaeologist based on human skull. Though the flowers were always confusing to her.

“Maybe, he is romantic at heart” she told you once.

When you asked your father, he told you your soulmate must be someone who finds beauty in everything. It was quite a poetic answer. And it was the closest one too. Korekiyo could find beauty even in ugliest things. He adored humanity and liked to observe the world around him. He fitted your symbol.

Your human skull with maroon roses.

But he loved his sister. Even after she died, he still did. It was evident and you couldn`t do anything about it. It hurted.

You asked one day if they were a soulmates, but he didn`t give you a straight answer. He said “true love can surpass anything, even these idiotic drawings” or something along those lines. It hurted.

When you were given the full truth, however, it hurted even more. Korekiyo was abused. He was groomed by his own sister and treated it as love. Most of his life choices wasn`t even his. It was his sisters. You couldn`t see the problem before, but now you did. You got enough puzzle pieces to make it into clear picture. And it horrified you.

You tried to be as subtle about it as you could. You wanted him to see, to realize, but was afraid that he`d cut all ties with you, claiming that you “don`t understand”. Korekiyo was dear to you. It wasn`t even bound to soulmate thing anymore. Not much at least. You genuinely loved him and didn`t want to lose him. You didn`t want him to hurt much too. Even if it was hard, you needed to be patient.

You were here for him, trying your best. When he noticed what you were trying to do, you didn`t see each other for a few weeks. Your relationships suffered a hard blow and you honestly thought you`ll never see him again. You even cried.

However, you underestimated the power of bond you already had. Korekiyo was angered and disappointed, it`s true. Someone, who became so close to him doubted the purity of love between him and his sister. There was nothing wrong with it, he believed. You were in the wrong. You didn`t see it the way he saw it and he was sure you would. That`s why he told you everything. He trusted you, you were the second dearest person in his life. He felt betrayed and yet he wanted to know, where exactly you saw the bad in something as perfect and beautiful as his relationships with his sister.

Needless to say, it got him thinking.

The next time you met him you desperately wanted to try and fix things between him and you. You came to his house and that`s where you caught him having mental breakdown. You didn`t know what happened while you were apart and what to do. But you stayed and tried you damndest to comfort him. Korekiyo didn`t let go of you even after you managed to calm him down. You spent the night with him.

In the morning you talked. You had a lot things to talk over. Several times he started crying again and you comforted him. You both came to conclusion that he needs a therapist.

You were looking at little symbol on your wrist. You wanted to show it to him, to say you love him. The problem was, you didn`t know if it`s time yet. Korekiyo was making a progress, slowly healing from his sister’s abuse, sure. You were close then ever before, sure. But was it time to make a move?

You bit your lip. Then you heard the door opening and you quickly hid your symbol under your sleeve. It was him. You smiled gently and he smiled back. Korekiyo stopped wearing the mask not so long ago. Getting rid of it was hard, but he wanted it. He felt insecure without it, yet with it on he felt worse. He still had his bandages on, reason unknown.

He sat beside you on bed and indulged you into hug which your returned. Lately, he became touchy around you. Maybe he was seeking love and comfort he didn`t really received back then. After all, he learned it wasn`t what he thought it was.

He pulled away and by the look in his eyes you knew: there was something he wanted to say to you.

“Y/n, dear” he started “All this time you were here for me, for what I am deeply grateful. At first, you were merely an entertainment of mine, however the more time we spent the greater our bond became. You didn`t leave me that terrible night and I wish you never will. You`re the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me and I don`t want to let you go”.

You fell silent, hearing his words. Your heart was beating fast and you felt like it was a dream.

It wasn`t.

Suddenly, Korekiyo started to unwrap one of his bandage while talking “Remember when I said that soulmate symbols don`t matter? It was…her words, but I do believe in it still. I don`t care whether we are soulmates or not. I don`t care what on your wrist and what was on mine. I love you. And as far as I can see you do too”.

The bandage fell off and you saw what underneath it.

His hand had long fingers, pale skin, and a bunch of white scars scattered around. Not a lot, but enough to made you heart hurt a bit. You carefully took it into your own ones.

Then turned it over.

‘So that`s what he meant’ you thought you couldn`t hate his sister more and here we are.

It was a burn mark, a nasty one. Right on his wrist. You didn`t need a confirmation. You already understood what happened here. You brought his hand to your face and left a light kiss where the mark was. You can see Korekiyo`s eyes widened.

Then he smiled and god, was it beautiful.

You decided it was time. You pulled up your sleeve and showed him your own wrist.

“Pretty sure we are soulmates. But you`re right. It`s only the love that matters. And I love you, Kiyo”.

He took your hand and looked at the small skull with maroon roses. You saw affection filling his eyes, as he kissed your arm the same way you kissed his.

You were truly happy.

However, more importantly - he was too.

[rennyji]

family, friends, enemies, the be natural thing, normal tweets

Its June already...another month in "the situation"...June 1st tweets...

You know, with the exception of one or two cousins, most of my family, maybe because of “the situation”?! Is more loyal (for lack of a better word) to my parents, than me. Such is my revelation over the last 11 years. One cousin I lived close to, in India for a while, -

-he’s around my age, and should be a brother I can tell secrets to, or “hooks me up.”Otherwise, he’s a very sincere/caring individual who is a real asset to our family. “Hook up” as in connect me -

- with my kind of women from his multicultural work establishment at TechnoPark or take me to a “todi shop” , where you get special kind of alcohol and spiced beef in this part of India, so that I can get different taste of life, make a memory, and have life experience. -

-He’s attending to my parents desire of keeping me as an individual who prays all day who needs to talk to someone, when that’s one side or nonexistent side to a guy who’s image is facing life’s obstacles in a leather jacket. -

-At this age and in my freakin’ 20’s, he chooses to be like a parent or uncle worried about what my parents think, or doing what my parents want for me, instead of thinking of what I as an individual need. All instead of being a brother or friend, understanding of me. -

-I think he’d try to talk to me or ask me questions to get information for my parents and this undignified “thing” of a situation-very brotherly.-

-On a different note, I mean, he spends a lot of time knowing his kids, but my parents, no offense to them, don’t listen to me when I speak because they’re in a rush to speak or defend, and they don’t know my likes/interests/hobbies.-

-Until recently, my mother didn’t know my favorite color. She’s stubborn to the point where she won’t try to learn either. They may have recently found out about such things like likes/interests/hobbies through the eavesdropping/stalking situation. -

-I mean, for the sake of a point, while in my very early 30s, it’s only now that I even shared with my mom, and not my dad, that I had two girl friends while in college. Some things like that, you cannot share with Indian parents until things get serious -

-and you want to move to the next chapter/adventure. I love my mom and dad, and would die for them and care for them in old age, but they don’t know much about me. My memories of my mom, for instance, are of her cooking, cleaning, buying me clothes,-

-taking me to doctor appointments when sick, and used to paying tuition, and a lot of yelling - ACTUAL BIG THINGS but nothing that requires a heart, it’s a parents duty. I tried telling her that, but no patience. She’s too busy taking it as an insult. -

-When Ive had any kind of problem in life outside of getting me a tutor for school or whatever when struggling, I’ve been on my own. Never helped me with a problem. It’s culturally not allowed to talk to her about problems with a girl friend, fears you may be struggling with,-

-or the cherry on top: talking about “this situation” and its origins. It’s a hard sad d**che bag thing to say, but if I manage to get my own maid, there wouldn’t be much to reminisce over my mom. -

-My dad is too busy philosophizing about family ideals &preaching. I mean he couldn’t dream of making the religious points I do, or no offense, pray “heart fueled” prayers in the mind over “out-loud” mechanical singing/praying out of thinking that makes him a solid human being. -

-Both my parents need to listen more and talk less. When I share something I like or about myself with my mom, she’ll be like, why are you telling me or will hammer @ something while I’m talking, literally. I mean I tried correcting things with my mom by talking to her about it,-

-but you never get through, although forgivable on both sides as and when needed. On a side note, quality of life in India is understood as how religious you are and your spending power. Me using saved potential rent money on fitness equipment-

-and massage guns makes it seem like I have nothing to complain about. It adds to my family being unable to admit to problems, when I mention things to do with a life of meaning. Stuff like that gives life experience and teaches you what you want. -

-In my girl friend/wife, I need a woman who’s patient, listens, comprehends, and so forth...but back to the point about the cousin...-

-I mean, after a certain age, you want friends in ur family. In India, amongst my family, if a relative does a favor like sit with you for a day in mostly silence, at someone else’s suggestion, that means ur best friends.-

-All these random formalities and awkwardness arises with genuinely good, sincere people. My best friends are people who “do stuff with me or for me” and that I can “confide in.” But I guess that’s where you gotta go out and meet people. -

-Family can’t always be as you desire or expect, as life is complicated in its own respective way for everyone, be it through difficult personalities or cultural formalities. People need to find their kinda people to be friends and family. I’ve heard:

-“Friends are the brothers and sisters God forgot to give us.”

what else, what else....

I don’t understand how the orchestrators overpower or left me under my parents. For that, do they meet all the criteria for their entertainment? Did anyone do psychological background checks on everyone involved for something as massive as this? -

-This could take a toll on my parents when they have to betray their son. This could take a toll on the orchestrators after 11 years of failure and lies. I mean parents’ culture restricts them from letting me live the normal American life required of the “show.”-

-For them, it’s religion all day/everyday(Christian that is). While they’ve been in the country for 11  years & dealt with non Indian people, do they understand things or see things the way I have the potential of doing? Did they understand the depth & severity of this project?-

-&like a lot of minority parents, or parents from elsewhere,or who haven’t been in America's love dovy way of handling things for generations, despite myParent’s undeniable love4me &willingness 2give me everything b4 this, theyd beat me as a child if I misbehaved/got a badGrade.-

-There were instances where my dad, who I don’t see any less &just doing his job cuz of what Im used to, beat me w/a hanger till my legs turn red. But when American entertainment officials come along yrs later, does this kind of history check out w/ ur possible background check?-

-Did the orchestrators do their homework at all? Its amidst this kind of setting, that Ill punch a wall once or throw things twice in 11 years after days of provocation. In our normal lives, do the orchestrators think any of this matters or at least 2 us, as people, as a family?-

-For taking eleven years of my life, when I was at my prime, when friends have mine have become lawyers with beautiful couples and children, if I can take that kind of beating and what you did to me through these years along-

-with personal hardships and growth, wait till you see what I do to you, one by mine. Riches and glamour can’t replace 11 years of torment. -

-Life is great, but between the orchestrators and me, it’s kind of like Jefferson Pierce in final few episodes of Black Lightning against Tobias Whale for killing his father and tormenting his family. Jefferson has a life with super powers. But when he loses them, -

-he faces Tobias in a showdown, where he accepts the possibility of death. I am willing to lose everything and end up on the street to see the orchestrators rot in jail for persisting, carelessly, in what is, my life.-

-The orchestrators messed up my youth, my family, my chance at a 4.0 GPA education, the resulting career opportunities, my health, social opportunities, putting me through the indignity of having my world basically on team on speaking terms against me who they never talk to...-

- all for an America that I once compared to heaven because of its potential for altruism and representation from all over. Do the orchestrators realize what they set up today I had already without them years ago? Way to steal my life on "multiple levels."-

-Enjoy the rest of our time together, orchestrators. U, the orchestrators, cowards, hide behind high end tech &possible authority figures or government contracts, but when we’re face 2face, provoke me in person, I dare you, as urself, &me as me, not you doing ur weird mind cr*p.-

-Let’s see if the orchestrators have the b*lls, before one of us undeniably is guaranteed to go down, whoever it is.

moving on ... what else ...

I’m honestly talking about my family and the situation, because after 11 years, through observations and the situation not ending, I’m convinced no one is actually being honest about me.  (I used the word “observations” in the last sentence.-

-Problem with using that word is that the orchestrators will forge the next setting with things for me to pick up on cuz they’re psychotic and refuse to restore the natural setting and normalcy of my life-natural setting is what I’ve been after for 11 years...)-

-I mean what comes to mind in seeing me without any of this in ur head, while not denying/hiding/ what’s happened to me over these 11+ years?! - THATS THE NATURAL SETTING. ONE directive, ONE instruction...and if taking care of what I’m after was ur goal, this is it, ur done. -

-Doesn’t require resources or effort on anyone’s part. It’s just people being themselves- natural.-mentioned/repeated multiple times in old complaints.) 

so now some normal tweets before I get on with my day...

So apparently, a massage gun isn’t a substitute for foam rolling or stretching...

“Tea tree hair and body moisturizer” leave in conditioner is, I think, the greatest hair gel ever. When my hair was thick and long, I used to use tea tree styling wax, topped off with Sebastian potion 9 leave in conditioner...but I really love the tea tree moisturizer...-

-the tea tree moisturizer...you can use it on ur hair and skin...wish this stuff existed ages ago...

The kiehls blue eagle shave cream provides a smoother shave 4“me” than their lotion...they have another version that I just want to try: the white eagle version-$7 more...I put “me” in quotes, cuz it might work for others...i think different men have different kinds of stubble.-

-There’s this one guy working at a coffee shop I go to, who’s got to be having the smoothest cleanest shave. You see no stubble. But I mean the concept of shave lotions are nice cuz you can just wipe off when done. -

With Shave creams over shave lotions, you gotta wash off, and washing ur face and neck in the sink just gets water everywhere.

“Yogibo Support” is good for reading or looking at your phone on your bed. Google it.

I’ve talked about Punjabis and “ pagdiwalas, “ but that being said, if there are any Guju’s like Ameesha Patel, hit me up.

Best combination of an idea: get the DoorDash dash pass free trial for a month and if you have around a $150 rewards from ur credit card, transfer it to DoorDash gift card. It’ll get you 2 weeks of outside food or restaurant food for breakfast, lunch, dinner. -

-Credit card rewards! Take advantage. Nice to use card with benefits-quite an incentive over cash. That’s how I’ve been ordering food, if that too is part of the “entertainment”, not cuz I’m loaded. Just a regular guy under 11 years of hype. -

-Be natural. React in what comes to mind on seeing me, minus pre-exisitng cr*p in ur head, without hiding/denying the existence of that cr*p.

[laceymorganwrites]

Fluff Alphabet: Kidd

A=Affection

Kidd´s affectionate in his own way, he´ll boast About his Partner in public and have an arm around you, but in private he can be more intimate with you, resulting in him giving you all the affection, this depends on his mood though.

B=Breath

Stand up for him. Sure, you can wear nice Things and fight good, but the second you defend him and are Ready to fight for his sake, that´s really what takes his breath away, it´s just so unusual for him and he cherishes that the most. 

C=Cuddle

When you´re in private he absolutely loves to cuddle! In a constant cuddle mood. If he had a bad day, he´ll just wrap his arms around you from behind and groan as he Rests his head on the space between your shoulder and neck. He´ll pout and try to get you away from whatever you were doing to drag you to bed so that he can have his arms around you and rest his head on your chest, this is is favorite cuddle Position and he just feels so safe and warm like this, it relaxes him immensely. And when he´s happy he wants to cuddle you too, also loves it when you initiate cuddles.

D=Dream

This may Sound out of character but he wants to settle down with his S/O sometime. After all the crazy chaos and danger he´s been through, he wants to Focus on his S/O when it´s all over. Before that he wants to go on adventures with his Partner though and appear in the newspaper with them, reading About the pirate couple that they are would make him really happy.

E=Effort

It really depends. Kidd´s been in a lot of relationships and they all were short Lasting. Sometimes Kidd goes over the top with the effort and the relationship still Ends and sometimes he doesn´t give any effort whatsoever. With a Special S/O though it´ll go a bit like this: medium effort in Dating, even less effort at the start of the relationship, then the longer they´re together the effort will rise as he doesn´t want to lose his Partner, so they´ll have to be Patient. 

F=Fear

Depening on the Level of scared, Kidd will either tease them or protect them. If it´s something silly like Spiders or something, he´ll tease them mercilessly, if it´s something like heights, he will guide his S/O through it and protects them and if it´s a phobia he also tries his best to be supportive and help.

G=Gifts

Kidd doesn´t give Gifts on Purpose and he would never buy one, he just thinks those couples who constantly buy each other stuff are stupid and don´t love each other. So he doesn´t want you to buy him stuff as an empty gesture, if you buy him scrap metal or some strings for his guitar however he wouldn´t be mad since it Shows that you care and listen, he likes thoughtful Gifts. Kidd´s more on the gift giving side though, he spends unhealthy amounts awake and tinkering, writing and drawing some stuff. Most of it is because you´re his muse and he Gifts you those Things (he also writes Songs for you).

H=Hugs

Literally hugs you all the time, doesn´t care if you´re in public or not, you´re his and he Shows it. Blushes so hard when you come up and hug him though. In private the hugs are of Course a bit more intimate and Long Lasting. 

I=Intimacy

Kidd certainly is more intimate with his longterm Partner than with anyone else, but that doesn´t mean he was from the beginning. It took a Long time for him to open up and let another Person in, so the thought of intimacy wasn´t there in the beginnin of the relationship, only after a bond of trust was built. Kidd likes to be intimate with you, it makes him feel Special and he likes showing you how much he loves you. But he´s not good at words, or romance, but he really tries his best in his own way. 

J=Jealous

Kidd is in a constant state of jealousy as he is insecure and hates himself and is used to betrayal. He´s asking himself every day why his Partner is still with him when they could do so much better. He´s good at hiding his jealousy, but when something happens that causes his jealousy to get more intense, like someone openly flirting with you or touching you, he gets overprotective and mad. He will beat up the Person and pull you close to him. Needs a lot of reassurance.

K=Kiss

Kidd´s a good kisser, though he might not seem like it. Sure they are Rough, but not to an uncomfortable Level. He likes to kiss you on your temple. When you make out he starts with teasing kisses, barely touching your lips. Kidd likes it when you take initiative and kiss back eagerly, especially when you make out he likes it when you guide him to kiss you the way you like it. Is a sucker for kisses on the cheek, will blush every time you do it. Also likes to kiss you on your shoulders and likes to receive Hand kisses.

L=Love

He will say it only after an agonizingly Long time since he is scared of rejection and doesn´t want you to leave him. Kidd falls in love at first sight, but he knows it´s stupid to say those words early on, that´s why he waits and because he wants to be sure he means them, that the Feeling stays. Kidd doesn´t say it too often since he wants the words to be Special, only really says them before leaving for a big journey, after and before a big fight with enemies. So he definitely prefers to Show it, though he´s not the best at it.

M=Marriage

Hell no. Kidd thinks marriages are stupid, most married People get divorced anyway and it´s just a lot of wasted Money and time. If you want to stay together then just do it, don´t make a big fuss About it, those are his thoughts. He also doesn´t like the Exploitation aspect of marriage, if the love in a relationship is lost you are still forced to be with your Partner, the marriages Kidd knows that lasted were all unhappy.

N=Night out

He likes to take you out on concerts, his ship or a bar where he´s well known, anywhere he can Show off and impress you. Kidd loves taking you out on Dates because you Always make such an effort for him and he for you, he likes Dressing up nice for you and spending time with you more intimately than just the normal time you spend together. He likes it even more when you ask him out, those Dates mostly resolve in Eating somewhere and then going to your favorite place to watch the stars, which to Kidd is peaceful and Relaxing. He loves hugging you from behind and having you in his arms whenever you do. You don´t have much time for Dates but whenever you do you make sure to go out.

O=Out of the ordinary

Well in his past relationships he did everything for his Partners even if it made him uncomfortable, but with you he feels comfortable sharing his Limits and the Things he doesn´t want to do. He wouldn´t Change his appearance or the way he talks for his S/O, if he would he´d be Living a lie, and if his S/O want someone that´s not like him, they should just leave. 

P=Playful

He´s not really playful, but he does fuck with his S/O in the way that he sometimes misplaces their Things and Acts as if he doesn´t know what´s going on when they desperately try to find it. Kidd doesn´t know why, but he just thinks it´s cute to see you rummaging through your place, groaning and frustrated. In the end you Always have to ask him to help you find the object and that´s when he smugly ´finds´ it. 

Q=Questions

Kidd likes to have meaningful and serious conversations, especially About the world Government, of Course he wants to hear your view on it too. But he also asks you About your opinion in the simplest Things on a daily Basis, such as if his Shirt or nail polish Looks good, if you think he should get this lipstick he saw,  etc. He just values your voice so much and it´s Always better to have more than just one opinion to make decisions rationally. On the other Hand Kidd doesn´t really like sharing his opinion in those trivial matters since he thinks it´s unnecessary. If you ask him however he will tell you. If it´s About Things with more weight to him, he will not hesitate to speak up About it.

R=Random

It´s Eustass Kidd. Of Course it´s spontaneous, everything the man does, he wings, it´s the same with your relationship. Be it Dates or whatever, he doesn´t bother with plans, he knows what he likes and what you like so that´s what he goes off on. If it´s About activities Kidd can Change his mind quick since he can´t just do one Thing for a really Long time, he has to have some diversity in his activities, he has to Keep himself busy. You have to adapt to those changes, but that´s quite easy once you get the hang of it. Kidd doesn´t have a Problem with you planning Things though because you have his mood swings and such in mind and Always come up with something good. He actually really likes the Things you plan and Always gets excited because he likes surprises with you.

S=Sleep

You have to be someone really Special to get Kidd to Sleep in a bed with you, or to Sleep at all. Kidd doesn´t Sleep until he absolutely has to, never goes to Sleep voluntarily, just passes out. The only times he actually goes to Sleep are when he´s being depressed or drank too much. Usually he will fall asleep on his working table, working on some scrap metal. You put a blanket around him. Bed sharing only happens after sex with him, and only with you, because only with you he´s comfortable with letting his guard down and actually sleeping. There´s something comforting in the way you´ll be there when you wake up. Kidd has a very light Sleep and is easly woken up, otherwise he´ll lay on his side and be dead quiet. You Always aks yourself how he manages not to move in his Sleep.

T=Trust

Trust is a very delicate matter with him. Kidd has never trusted anyone, despite Killer. Killer is the only Person he fully Trusts. Kidd is weary of everyone, he Always thinks the worst of People and that they will eventually backstab and betray him, it´s what his experience has shown him. The world he lives in is too cruel to trust, everyone is selfish, that´s what he´s learned from a Young age. So naturally it takes him a Long ass time to even come close to trusting you. There will Always be that Little part inside of him that tells him he shouldn´t trust you, he will never trust you as much as he Trusts Killer, but he Trusts you more than others, way more. 

U=Unique

I mean he is a very unique personality already but besides the overprotection and possesiveness as well as his way of affection what I think takes the cake for what makes him unique as a S/O is that he is his S/O´s biggest fan. No matter what you do, it can be as simple as cooking something, he will be there to cheer you on, telling you you´re doing amazing and are the best. Turns all your Hobbies into Competitions somehow, Kidd supports them all wholeheartedly but he´s just going off About how you´re kicking everyone else´s ass in your Hobbies. Kidd is very interested in you, your Hobbies, interests, likes and dislikes. He will share your excitement and voice it louder than you, it´s his way of showing he cares and it´s really sweet. He´s too attentive to put it in a nutshell.

V=Vulnerable

Kidd is never fully vulnerable with his S/O, he doesn´t know how to be. The only Person who sees him in this state is Killer. However when he has a bad breakdown or something else happened that made him snap and be vulnerable, he will come to you for comfort, it´s only the way to the breakdown you don´t see. Kidd hates crying so he tries to reppress it, which Ends up in him forgetting to breathe and having a Panic attack. When he has a depressive Episode he will hurl up in bed all day/week, however Long it takes and won´t talk to anyone, he won´t let anyone close. But whenever you come by he tugs at your clothes and so you join him and cuddle up to him. It helps him a lot knowing you´re there for him, physical contact from you also calms him down a lot. 

W=Wildcard

Takes a lot of Pictures and collects them in photo Albums. He has one with Killer, one with you and one with his Crew. He´s currently working on one with couple Pictures and one with Group Pictures. He also has one from his band and wants to get one with his Idols and Friends (if he finds some). Whenever he´s Feeling down or is having a bad day he likes to look at them to remember good times, it Always makes him smile. He will call Killer and you to look at the Pictures with him and you three end up reminisceing and sharing stories. 

X=X-Ray

If you happen to get injured on his watch hell is About to break loose and god help the poor bastard who dared lay a Hand on his S/O. Needless to say if you got injured by another Person they´re dead now. If he wasn´t there though and only finds you injured or if you injured yourself at home he will rush you to the nearest Hospital or doctor (even if it´s something minor). 

Y=Yuck

Well, everything About this man is a giant pet peeve and red flag, so pick your Poison. Be it his mood swings that tick you off or the way he´s so handsy with you, his stubborness… there are more than enough Things to get annoyed by. For Kidd however he doesn´t like it when your Makeup is cakey (if you do Makeup anyway), it´s stupid but it just gets on his nerves, and he can get really annoyed if you have a certain Phrase or word you tend to overuse and say a lot. 

Z=Zeal

Kidd isn´t overly passionate but he certainly is in some ways, for example he is passionate About your Hobbies and the way you look. He likes it when his S/O is passionate too, especially About the same Things he is.