#in the end of the day I think it's really optimistic despite all the hardships

[j-and]

The World's Continuation

A different version

[missellaneousworks]

Apple from Tree - SDJ OC Drabble

Started off as a warm-up while I got back into the swing of things and then it turned into a whole thing. This came from me musing how having a relationship with a ghost could affect my OC, Ella, and her relationship with her parents.

EDIT: For some context, Ella grew up as an only child to loving but strict parents, who constantly worked in her early childhood due to unsuspected hardships. As such, though she was loved and cared for, parts of her childhood were rather lonely until she became friends with Ian, who became close to Ella's parents over time.

CW: miscommunication, family issues, angst, manipulation, Jack being Jack

Something is Wrong With Sunny Day Jack is a +18 ONLY series. MINORS DNI.

---

Despite waiting for her mother to pick up the video call, Ella couldn't help but fidget. She was going to tell her parents about her new boyfriend, Jack. Or... rather, what she could say without it sounding completely out of left field. It was something Ella had been mulling over for a while now, though the situation with her newfound love was a bit more... complicated since Jack was a ghost(?). It wasn't a topic that was discussed lightly when Ella brought it up to her primary-colored boyfriend.

"I'm... really touched you want to tell your parents about me, really, I am, Sunshine. But ..."

"...you're worried about how they'll react to someone they can't see or hear?" Ella tilted her head,

"Maybe. A little. It might be hard for them to accept right away, is all I'm saying."

Ella nodded thoughtfully, contemplating her next move. "Maybe we can ease them into that first? I should at least tell them I'm with someone. And after that we'll figure out a way that you can communicate with them. It's bound to happen eventually!"

Jack couldn't put a damper on Ella's optimistic glow, but... he was skeptical that this would work, for Ella's sake of course. He'd hate to see her go through with this and not be the outcome she had hoped for. However, Ella had her mind set. And he would stand by and support her if needed.

"That sounds... doable," Jack muttered, thinking carefully. Ella reached to his hand resting on his knee and gripped it reassuringly. Jack's gaze softened "All right. I trust you, Sunshine."

Which now left Ella picking at the loose strings on her blouse, as she sat at her desk with her laptop open as the video call connected. Jack gave her some space but reminded her he'd be on the other side of the door. While he wasn't physically in the room, that didn't mean he wasn't eavesdropping--no, no. He was just in a position where he could happen to overhear them. Completely different.

He heard another woman's voice voice on the end of the video call, warm and friendly, followed by a man's voice. They shared pleasantries and updates with each other. Apparently, Ella's parents were planning a trip to see some relatives, and they might be able to visit sometime in the future. Ella nodded and responded appropriately until there was a lull in the conversation.

"Soooo, um, I have some news for you guys."

"Oh yeah?" Her father, who had spoken the least had perked up this time. "Everything okay, kiddo?"

"Yeah, things have been great recently. Really great!" Ella replied enthusiastically. "I'm actually seeing someone."

"'...seeing someone--?'"

"OH MY GOODNESS!" Ella's mother bounced in her seat and practically shoved her father to the side and out of the range of the camera. "I knew it! You've been extra happy during our weekly phone calls recently! Good for you, sweetheart! What's their name? Is it the new friend you mentioned before? What do they do for work? When did this whole thing happen?!"

The questions that spilled from her mouth were growing infinite at this point, so Ella calmly yet cheerfully interjected and answered the questions in order. "His name is Jack, Mom. Yes, it's the new friend I made a few months ago. Jack is a... councilor of sorts? He usually works with kids, but he really likes helping people in general." Technically that wasn't an outright lie, but it was the closest to the truth Ella could get without sounding too fantastical. "I guess this happened a few weeks ago?"

"Whaaaat?!" Her mother guffawed. "You waited that long to tell us anything?"

"S-sorry, sorry! Everything just happened so fast between work and Shaun coming over-- things kind of got jumbled."

"Hmmm, all right, all right. Is he nice, though? Handsome?"

"...yes and yes." Ella couldn't stop the blush as it crept onto her face. Her mother continued to gush and ask small questions, while Ella answered as best as she could. When hee mother asked how they met, Ella stated they sort of met when each of them were least expecting it. And that while Ella wasn't too sure about Jack when they first met, he really grew on hee the more time they spent with one another. Her father was oddly quiet throughout the whole call, only discernable reaction from him was the occasional raised eyebrow and 'hmm' in response to an answer. Finally, after a few more minutes of talking, they bid each other farewell and hung up the call.

Jack entered the room with a knock and a hopeful expression. "How'd it go, Sunshine?"

"It went really well! My parents are happy for me, I think. Well, my mom is. Dad was kind of quiet, but he'll come around--"

Ella's ringtone for her Dad interrupted her. Speak of the devil. "Huh. It's my Dad..."

"Would you like some privacy, Sunshine?" Jack offered helpfully.

"Nah, you're okay. I'm sure this'll be quick." Ella hit the green button and picked up. "Hey, Dad! You forget something?"

"Erm, hey, kiddo. I... couldn't say this in front of your mother earlier, but I have some... some concerns."

Ella rolled her eyes. Her father wasn't always the best at communicating emotions, such as sadness or fear, so she replied back in an attempt to alleviate any worries he had. "Dad, I'm fine. I'm doing okay on cash and I'm eating just fine."

"What? No, no, not about that!" Her father took a breath, to give himself a moment to choose his words. "I didn't want to say anything earlier, but... this new guy you're seeing... it sounds like you're serious about him." It felt like there was more he wanted to say, but stopped himself from elaborating.

"Um, yeah, I care about him. A lot." Ella answered matter of factlly.

Her father made a noise on the other end that sounded like he was bracing himself.

"Don't you think you're moving a little too fast?"

She wasn't sure why but she felt a tad defensive when her dad brought it up. "No? It's not like I met him yesterday and got married in Vegas, Dad. We were friends first for a few months then things kinda... happened." Her heart began to race as she saw a concerned expression cross Jack's face. Had she known the conversation was going to be about him, she would have asked Jack to leave the room earlier.

"Uh-huh. So why am I just hearing about this guy now?"

"Dad, I told you about him," She replied flippantly, trying to keep the tone light despite her anxiety beginning to spike. "Or at least I told Mom? He was the friend who finally helped me organize my kitchen?"

"I thought you were talking about Shaun?"

"Wha?" Ella's replied, utterly confused. "Nooo, Shaun helped me organize my movie and book collection. That happened before he moved away on his last movie project."

"Oh? Oh. Gotcha. So, completely different guy?"

Ella sighed, hoping the conversation would take a better turn now. "Yes, Dad. They're completely different people."

There was a long pause before he spoke up again. "So, I guess you're done with Ian, then?"

That question alone brought back a lot of negative emotions. Jack sensed that, too, as a wave of suppressed resentment, anger, and heartbreak flowed began to fester beneath Ella's skin.

"Dad," Ella's voice sounded tired, trying not to let her emotions get the better of her. The moment she got emotional, her father would get defensive, then they'd get into an argument. It happened countless times, especially during her teen years. Her father meant well, but there was always some sort of... disconnect between them. She couldn't explain what it was, but there seemed to be something that prevented them from truly getting along with each other. He always had opinions that went against her own, and she always had to fight to get him to understand her. Despite that, she took a deep, calming breath like Jack had taught her.

In 1, 2, 3, 4... and out 1, 2, 3, 4...

"I told you what happened between Ian and I. I know he was... a part of my life--of our lives--for a long time. But that's over now." Her dad loved Ian like a son, and he meant well--she knew that. But she did not want to get into this again. She already told her parents what had happened, at least the parts that Ian had told her on that horrible night, during their final phone call. Her mother was furious towards Ian, while her dad reacted to the situation with utter confusion and disbelief. 'That can't be right, that doesn't sound like something Ian would be capable of!' Ella had assumed her father had said that in denial, much like what Ella had to go through when the breakup first happened. But now it felt like he was siding with the man who hurt her.

"I know, kiddo, I know," he attempted to tone it down. "I guess I'm still stuck on it because it doesn't make a lick of sense after all of this time."

Ella couldn't bring herself to reply. This wasn't anything new to her, she overanalyzed the breakup and their entire relationship to hell and back. Jack moved a little closer to her, keeping his voice down.

"Sunshine, I know he's your Dad and you care for him a lot, but this is upsetting you. Maybe you should hang up for today."

She mulled on her lover's words, considering them. For whatever reason her dad wasn't getting the message that there would be no take-backs for Ian. Ella tried one more time to get the message across to her dad. If he really did care about her, he'd respect her decision and be happy for her, right?

"It was pretty cut and dry from what I heard, Dad. I can't--I won't-- go back to someone who can't commit to the bare minimum of a relationship."

"Okay, okay, I know! It's just... with Ian you guys knew each other for forever before getting together. And now this guy pops up out of nowhere? I'm just playing catch up with brand new information, kiddo."

"That's how dating works, Dad? I mean, you met Mom in college. Didn't you know each other for a short amount of time before you guys made it official?"

"I knew your mom for a whole year before we decided to give dating a go. You met this guy an unspecified amount of months ago. I just want to make sure you really like the guy and are not with him to get back at Ian."

The silence on Ella's side of the call was defining. This was her dad, someone who was supposed to know her. How could she say something so shallow about her?!

"Ella," Jack's voice nudged her again. "You really don't need this. It's okay to hang up the call."

"...Wow, Dad," Ella's voice wavered. "That was, uh... pretty shitty of you to say. Siding with the guy who betrayed my trust and not with the one who's making me happy."

"Hey, now hold on! I don't appreciate the tone you're using, kid. And don't take this the wrong way! You're putting words in my mouth! I'm trying to understand the chain of events, here!"

"He doesn't need to understand us. If we love each other, no one needs to understand, but U S. Put down the phone, Sunshine."

"It's just that I knew Ian, but I don't know this guy. I'm hoping you're not flying into the next available relationship just because you're lonely! People make mistakes when that happens!"

Ella's blood ran hot then... utterly cold. As if she was a pot about to boil over until she was taken off the heat. Jack's soothing voice snaked around her mind that was both suffocating and... safe.

"Your feelings for me and our L O V E could never be a mistake. Don't keep tormenting yourself, Sunshine."

"It's okay

to L E T G O."

Ella bit the corner of her mouth so hard she tasted a metal. Maybe... maybe what Jack was saying was the truth. Why was her Dad being so cruel and questioning who she chose to be with? Did he actually respect her own capabilities on deciding her own future? She loved Jack, and Jack loved her. He made her happy, she told her Dad that much. Maybe if he could actually get to meet Jack properly, actually got to talk to him, he could learn they had a lot in common.

He didn't even get a chance to meet Jack, but he made a snap decision on Ella's choice in partners going on little to know information. The next words out of her mouth was uncharastically monotone, bitter.

"I was really hoping you could just be happy for me, but if you care about Ian so much, then I won't stop you from keeping in contact with him. Just don't expect the same from me. I think it's best we don't talk for a while. Good-bye, Dad..."

"Wait a--!"

After hitting the end call button, Ella's phone fell onto the floor as she buried her face in her hands, her mind began to spiral and race. Except this time... she wasn't alone.

Jack's hand rubbed circles on her back, his voice low. "It's okay, Ella. It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. Shhhh..." He soothed as he cupped her cheeks and whipped a tear from the corner ofher eye.

"I don't understand!" Ella sobbed, letting the rest of her tears fall free as he clung to his chest. "I thought h-he'd be happy for me! M-Mom was happy, why can't he be?! What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing," Jack's voice was resolute. He carefully lifted Ella up and placed her securely in his lap. His strong, muscular arms wrapped around her, as if to shield her from the world and all its unfairness. "You did absolutely nothing wrong, Sunshine. If other people can't understand what we have is special... they aren't worth your time."

Ella continued cry into his chest in a mix of anger and regret billowing within her, and the uncomfortable twinge of shame for having such a negative reaction over her father's disapproval. It sounded like he wasn't anywhere near her Mom when they spoke over the phone. Did she also have secretive reservations about her relationship with Jack? Or was she unaware of the the disastrous conversation that transpired?

What was she going to do now...?

"I feel like I don't say this enough, but... it was really incredible you held your ground against your own dad. I'm... so proud to be yours, Sunshine. And so lucky you're mine."

She could only sniff, rubbing her face into the soft cotton fabric of his shirt. "I-I know, Jack."

She exhaled as Jack rested his head on top of her form, his voice wrapped around her trembling form like a blanket. "Remember, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, so long as we have each other. You're all I need, and I'm all you ever need. Isn't that right... Sunshine...?"

Ella felt herself sinking further into Jack's embrace, so much so that she couldn't even think before re replied back. "You're right... I love you, Jack."

"And I love you, Ella. F O R E V E R and E V E R."

[crookshanks23]

A Tale of Songs and Themes

Buckle in folks, this is gonna be a long one. But I've been wanting to analyze the lyrics of both opening themes for awhile. So here we go.

The lyrics of both themes have been posted below under my thoughts. I chose to use the acoustic version of Alright because there are more verses to look at.

The first thing that stands out to me, is how hopeful both themes are, but in very different ways. "Alright" has an adult hopefulness. An understanding of the world. "On My Way", on the other hand, definitely has a teen vibe. It's a bit cynical, but still hopeful.

"Alright" feels like the ultimate optimist. Everything, no matter how bad it gets, will be alright. Admittedly, "Alright" also feels somewhat delusional. There's both this embrace of bad things happening "even if you die", but a repeat of "it'll be alright" over and over again. Not everything is alright all the time. But maybe the point is that this is the adult taking the long view. Eventually, even after my life ends, it'll be alright. I guess I appreciate the delusion. Even though I "used to read between the lines" and see the problems, "They never made me frown" because we can push forward in spite of the problems. I think it's great to have that optimism, even if it doesn't always feel true.

Another line is "all you do is try", again showing how the emphasis of the theme is pushing forward and how the hardships will eventually work themselves out. You fall down and you pick yourself up the best you can. Seeing the bad things can't and won't ruin your optimism.

"On My Way" has a different hopeful vibe. Like, yeah, things are screwed up, but I'm going to change it. I'm going to make it better. The refrain of "not today" feels like it has 2 meanings. One that things aren't going to get better today. But also a cry of "not today", like this isn't going to happen on my watch. I'm going to make this better. The previous generation fucked us, so now we're going to fix it.

The refrain of "no one knows us better than ourselves" is the line that really make me feel like this is about teens. Of course teens would feel like no one understands them. The "used to tell myself it'll be alright/Pretty lies let me sleep at night" lines call out the deluded nature of the first theme directly. It's not alright. We're living in a Doodlerized world. Our lives have been whisked away. We don't get to live the way we want. The kiddads don't get to raise children in the world they thenselves were born into.

"Beg steal and borrow/break what we can't change" is another line that I love. It's like the teens saying, "We're going to do this our way," and break away from what came before. The previous generation screwed it up and their solution sucks, so let's fix this.

"I don't need your sorrow/come back tomorrow/I"ll be on my way" is the hope of this theme. Despite a more cynical view of the world, there is still hope. We *will* fix it. Maybe not today, but eventually. Then, the second verse about loving the dark and holding their fears is interesting. They're not afraid of the things in the dark. They don't look away from them.

On the patreon, Max and Freddie talk about the evolution of the second theme. If I remember correctly, one change they talked about that I find interesting is that they went from "We'll be on our way" to "I'll be on my way". It highlights the isolation and loneliness of teens, who often feel misunderstood. Over the course of this season, we've seen these individuals make individual choices. I'm excited to see them progress as a team and start to make decision as a team. But they aren't there yet.

At the end of the day, we have 2 themes about hope and moving forward. From 2 different perspectives on life. Neither of them wrong, necessarily. Just different. I'm excited to see how this theme of hope plays out in this season. It certainly seems like the kiddads don't have that hope. I look forward to the catharsis of them finding that hope again, through their kids. Because it will be alright. Just not today.

Alright (Acoustic)

There was a time when you could read between the lines

You know they never brought you down

never brought you down.

There wasn’t a box and you weren’t thinking anyway,

So you never brought you down, you never brought you down.

And I know, I know, I know It’s gonna be alright!

Yeah, it’s gonna be alright,

It’ll be alright ‘cause that’s just life,

Even if you die It’ll be alright.

It’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright

It’ll be alright ‘cause that’s just life

All you do is try and It’ll be alright.

There was a time when you could read between the lines,

You know they never got you down, never got you down.

And all of the times that you fell flat upon your face

You know it never made you frown, picked it up off the ground

And I know, I know, I know it’s gonna be alright!

Yeah, it’s gonna be alright,

It’ll be alright ‘cause that’s just life,

Even if you die It’ll be alright.

It’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright It’ll be alright ‘cause that’s just life

All you do is try and It’ll be alright

Yeah, it’s gonna be alright, It’ll be alright ‘cause that’s just life,

Even if you die It’ll be alright.

It’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright It’ll be alright ‘cause that’s just life

All you do is try and It’ll be alright.

There was a time when you could read between the lines

You know they never brought you down,

they never brought you down

On My Way

All our days

Whisked away

Or is there something 

More to say

You know that no one knows us better than ourselves

Used to tell myself it'll be alright

Pretty lies let me sleep at night

I know that no one knows me better than myself

And I know I'll get this right

Just a matter of time til we

make it out alive

Alive

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

not today, no, not today,

We live for tomorrow,

beg steal and borrow

break what we can't change

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

not today, no, not today,

I don't need your sorrow

come back tomorrow

I'll be on my way

Of all the places

In our hearts

why do we so love the dark

Every minute every hour every day

Are all these fears

Mine to hold?

I can feel them in my bones

You know I wish we didn’t feel so all alone

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

not today, no, not today,

We live for tomorrow,

beg steal and borrow

break what we can't change

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

not today, no, not today,

I don't need your sorrow

come back tomorrow

I'll be on my way

I'll be on my way

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

not today, no, not today,

We live for tomorrow,

beg steal and borrow

break what we can't change

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

not today, no, not today,

I don't need your sorrow

come back tomorrow

I'll be on my way

[callsignbaphomet]

Lmao COMPLETELY missed that tag about already doin the asks for Loke until after, so do em for Jela then X3 <3

Lol I was like "oh shit what do I do?”

2. Is your OC a loner or a social butterfly? Are they satisfied with how they come across to other people?

He's social enough that he likes being surrounded by friends and family. He does enjoy his quiet time as well. I think it's safe to say he's an in-between that leans more on social.

He's pretty satified with how he comes across others. He can be pretty intimidating but for the most part he has an air of approachable friendliness that puts people at ease and he really enjoys that.

4. Does your OC have a failed friendship or relationship they still think about? What happened? Is it an unresolved regret or is there a chance for reconciliation?

Yes! Several! From back before he was reborn.

Iain can be considered a failed friendship though honestly speaking she was never a friend to begin with. She set in motion the whole war between the entire pantheon and the CoE. She got to Jelani and even convinced him that Jericho was the one that started everything even though Jericho was on his side from day 1, she was just as much a victim as Jelani. Of course this drove a wedge between Jelani and Jericho and both fought but Jericho lost in the end and Jela trapped her inside a tree for eons and she wasn't able to get out until he was reborn. Yeah, she's pretty pissed the fuck off and rightfully so.

She was also the one that restored Jelani's memories and with it the intense guilt that he felt when he realized Jericho wasn't to blame and his hate for Iain intensified.

Jelani and Jericho's friendship has no fixing. Jericho feels like she could never trust him again and he respects her feelings so both parted ways after he "exiled" himself from the pantheon.

As for Iain? She dies pretty ugly so there's no fixing that mess. Even if she hadn't been killed by Jelani there was ZERO fixing that mess.

10. Is your OC sentimental or pragmatic? Do they keep mementos or only what they need to survive? Have they always been this way or did something happen to make them change?

Extremely sentimental. He keeps mementos that have sentimental value to them. He has an old otter plushie that his grandparents gave him that has Bheka's last collar on it.

He also has a Thor's hammer that his grandfather had made for him. It's super old and fragile so he has it kept in a safe place.

He's always been that way to be honest.

12. Is your OC cynical or optimistic? Who or what shaped their outlook on life?

He's been optomistic his entire life. His parents have always been optomistic and instilled that mindset to their sons. Despite hardships and shit he's seen he still has an optomistic outlook on life.

18. Has your OC ever had a prophecy made about them? Was it a big deal or did they ignore it? Was it straightforward or cryptic? Did it ever come to pass or did they circumvent it?

It's weird...after shit went down with Iain, Jericho and the others CoE kind of stepped up. See, Jela broke a massive rule. Makers are supposed to make sure that existence continues. Doesn't matter what kind of existence as long as there is existence CoE won't give two bitches and a dick about it.

So when an entire pantheon started fighting with each other and involving other Makers CoE stepped in and broke that shit up. Jela was supposed to know better so CoE banished him so for eons he just drifted without a corporeal form and for all intents and purposes dead until whenever. He'd come back but not even CoE knew how or when he'd come back.

Iain was still alive and through the eons she kind of twisted the truth of what happened and basically tried to turn everyone (deities and such) against him. Some did, others didn't. She made it seem like if he ever came back it would mean the end of everything and with him not around and CoE not intervening it kind of took off.

So there is a bit of a prophecy but it's not real sooooooo eh.

[holdinbacksecrets]

not sure how you would do it, but I'd be interested in some sort of boyfriend things or something about the tannies caring for their partner with chronic pain or when they're sick. my chronic neck and shoulder pain have really been flaring up recently, and I love the boyfriend things series so much. I love seeing content where the tannies care for their loves, and I think you could probably do a really good job with it. no worries if you can't/don't want to write it. I'd honestly read whatever💙

hello 🥺 thank you for requesting this. i’d like to first say my heart goes out to you. chronic pain/chronic illnesses… health conditions are so exhausting, and something i also relate to. i’m sending you so so so much love, and i hope these are alright 🤍

boyfriend things // a shoulder to lean on

namjoon: experiencing chronic pain/illness is no small battle, and there are days that feel like the world is closing in on you. but on a recent better day, the two of you worked together to come up with some ideas to lift your spirits when clouds filled your sky. today, he was determined to get you smiling and breathing the fresh air. “how do you feel about spending the afternoon in the park?” you shake your head, keeping your gaze on the opened novel in your lap. “elizabeth bennet can join us, and we can stop for hot chocolate on the way” “…i’ll grab a sweater”

jin: watches youtube videos about supporting someone with chronic pain. probably emails your physical therapist for exercise videos so he knows he’s helping you correctly. would definitely rearrange things at your place to make moving around easier: a little chair in the shower or a stepping stool in the kitchen. orders heating pads shaped like avocado toast or peaches with little faces. it’s the small things right?

yoongi: has fallen asleep rubbing your back so many times. sometimes, he’ll wake up again to check on you and end up researching treatments or doctors. will watch you every now and then to make sure you look peaceful. his heart will actually break if you ever appear uncomfortable. sometimes, you call out his name or reach out for him. he’ll squeeze your hand so fast: “i’m here. it’s ok. i’ve got you”. puts your socks in the dryer to warm them up in the morning because it’s something small he can do that makes you smile.

hoseok: goes to all your doctor’s appointments with a notebook and asks questions whenever you start shutting down from your own frustration. holds your hand during the car ride home. will take you out to lunch afterwards or offers to make you your favorite. is encouraging and optimistic, but allows you to share and feel whatever worries and sadness consume your mind too. hoseok reads you so well, and knows when you need his splendid cheerfulness or serious eyes and unwavering support

jimin: pain flares at night that keep you awake, so you head out to the living room, deciding to set up a movie and make yourself some tea. twenty minutes into Shrek 2, your boyfriend calls your name, peeking his head out from the bedroom door. “hi sleepy head.” you smile in his direction, asking him to join you. “can i get you anything?” “nope, your cute self will be just perfect.” he’ll kiss your cheek and lay down with his head in your lap, falling asleep just like that. combing your fingers through his hair is a wonderful distraction, giving donkey a run for his money. sometimes, having someone you love around is enough to see what precious moments can still exist despite the hardships

taehyung: heading out for a solo walk after a day of minimal pain, but you hadn’t made it 15 minutes before you realized there was no way you could finish your hopeful plan. a shaky exhale leaves your lips as you fight the feeling of disappointment, to only look up and see your boyfriend. “hi darling. i left your place a few minutes after you… i just wanted to make sure you’d be ok. the next bus should be here soon if you’re ok to wait for it?” your eyes soften, and your heart melts. “i love you. thank you for following me.” he’s so proud of you for trying, for continuing to try. presses kisses against the top of your head as you watch the city through the window on the ride home

jungkook: some mornings, you spend what feels like hours staring up at the ceiling, preparing yourself for the uncomfortable sensations that are waiting to join every step you take to reach the bathroom. “can i help you?” you had no idea he was awake, but you turn your head to find your boyfriend watching you with stars in his eyes and a soft smile. you love the way his orbs never hold pity. he presses his lips to your forehead, propped up on his elbow. “would you mind?” you try to mirror his gentle beam, but your lips quiver. “of course not, sweetheart.” he leaps up with gusto, playfully running around the bed before kneeling down on your side. “ok babe, bridal, piggy back, or a shoulder to lean on?” “bridal please.”

[writella]

Touch

Pairing: Luke Patterson x reader

Summary: Luke’s spirit is brought down by the pain he has caused his parents as well as the hardships that come from adoring you, a lifer. He craves your touch but his ghostly form keeps him from getting the thing he most desires to recieve.

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: First fic! Sorry that it's kind of long. I don’t know if this would be considered “angsty” but it is kind of sad in the beginning but trust me it becomes really sweet at the end!

Julie and the Phantoms was such a good show. I loved how the writers and Charlie showed that despite how positive Luke was, he was harboring a lot of pain inside when it came to how he left him mom that he didn’t show anyone. This piece touches on that point a little bit more. If you would like to leave a review, that would be super appreciated. I’m sure there are a bunch of grammar errors anyway.

-

Luke came to you after he left Julie at his parents house. He told you about the song to his mom, about how his parents still celebrated his birthday after all these years. He told you about the grief he felt and how he felt like he had no one. You told him that he had you, and Julie, and the guys most importantly, that you were sure they missed their family members too. He admitted to you though, that both Alex and Reggie avoided talking about their family, it was one of the only things that they weren’t being honest about with each other. He said he couldn’t be the one to bring it up.

“I’m the strong one!” He explained. “If I don’t push them forward, they’ll fall apart. I have to be happy, I have to be okay so they-“

“It’s okay not to be okay all the time, Luke,” You interrupt him, then you send him a sympathetic smile as you come to a realization: “I didn’t know you put all this pressure on yourself... I’m sorry. Come here,” without thinking you motion him forward, arms reaching to grasp his back, only catching handfuls of air.

Luke gives you an exasperated laugh, in the heat of it all, he almost forgot for a second himself.

“Well, this is a strange little relationship we have, isn’t it?” Tears swipe down his cheek.

“Luke...” you didn’t know how to respond, you cursed yourself for making the situation worse.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Or whenever. Alright?” His words were short as he forced a smile and disappeared from your sight.

You woke up from your haze and caught your eyes staring out the window, looking at the boy you were just thinking about. He sat on an old brown chair right next to the garage door. Julie took some down that hung from the garage ceiling a few nights ago for him. She said she got tired of seeing Luke crouching down on the concrete like a sad lost puppy.

“Why don’t you just stop avoiding him and finally go down there?” Julie sighs. “Maybe you’ll have better luck than me.”

“Than all of us.” Alex chimed in.

You were hesitant but as Julie pushed you to the door it seemed as if you had no choice.

“You’re our only hope.” Reggie said with a sad smile, echoing a quote from his favorite franchise.

As you walked toward Luke, his gaze on the night sky never faltered.

“You don’t have to say anything... Just want to be with you. Alright?” You said softly as you sat down on the chair next to him. You decided you were only going to keep him company, not dwell on what happened. You remembered what he said about always having to be the strong one, you guessed that’s what you were trying to do now.

He only slightly nodded, not wanting to look you in the eye. He was surprised you’d finally come. Everyone, Reggie, Alex, and Julie had come to sit with him from time to time, getting nothing out of him. He sort of wished you finally would show up but now that you’re here, he couldn’t say anything despite how much he wanted to. He tried to urge the words to his tongue but his apprehension kept them stuck inside his brain. He bounced his knee, his frustration as well as your closeness was getting to him.

He knew he shouldn’t have been ignoring you, you must’ve felt as bad as he did but he needed some time to think. Maybe just a day, he reasoned, just to go through the motions by himself and then wake up going back to his easy going self again the next morning. This is what he told himself, yes, but then a day became another, and then another.

It surprised him, how out of it he was. Usually, it was so easy for him to find the courage to remain optimistic but right now he just felt like a disappointment. He was usually able to thrive upon this fact, a 90s misfit, nowhere to go but up. He loved the idea that one day his band’s talent would shine so brightly everyone would have no choice but to see their beauty. And it didn’t come from anger, Luke was never a resentful person, it came from a place of purity. He wanted his music to make people feel connected; understood, just like it had for him. Or like it has for him up until now. He hadn't been able to play in days.

The bittersweet melody of Unsaid Emily became the mantra that invaded his brain this past week. Every time the song came to an end, his mind replayed the lyrics again, and again; an endless loop. And with that came the images of his parents, blowing out a birthday candle with misty tears in their eyes, thinking of their boy they believed they lost forever. And then there was you, of course. The prettiest girl he’d ever seen, who laughed at his confusing metaphors, and built him up when he was feeling down which was something he usually had to do for others. Ever since he met you, you were there for him in a way no one else had been. The thought almost relieved his pain. Could this truly be love? He had dated around before but never had he been in a real relationship. After finding the guys, the band was all he thought about, the only connection he felt he needed. Plus, he just had to prove to his mom that he could make it, and that took all of his attention. Another mistake, he thought.

Once again he revisits the memory of your arms going through him. Not only could he never apologize to his parents but he couldn’t even love one of the only people on Earth who could actually see him the way he wanted to. Never had he felt so completely helpless. He wanted you to know that he didn’t want to give up. He needed you to know that you were enough, but he was fearful to try anything despite how desperately he wanted touch. He even counted the ways he could do it in his head: perhaps he’d lightly stroke your knee, softly rub his thumb on your intertwined hands, maybe brush your hair behind your ear with his fingers lingering till he felt the last strand of hair slip away. Or maybe, just maybe, he’d even give you the softest kiss. One so pure and light, because while he was a ghost, he thought of you as an angel and he believed an angel deserved a touch just as delicate, but he couldn’t. He was dead.

It had been an hour of you two sitting in silence. You stared at him and sighed. You thought he was beautiful. You could go on endlessly about the physicality of that beauty but what really tugged on your heart was what was inside. His mind, his body, his soul, that was bound in optimism. You’d never seen anything like it. Right from when Julie met him, she told you, he put the realization of being dead, of being a ghost, behind him just to help her become a part of the music program again, giving her the words of encouragement, it’s a closed door, but you’ve gotta bust it open!

You felt terrible that you were a part of the reason why his spirit was currently crushed. You desperately wanted touch. You wanted him to know you were there for him but you knew words weren’t enough.

Screw it, you thought. You were going to try again and even if it didn’t work you were ready to tell him that you didn’t care, that seeing was all you needed to be with him. You wanted him to know that you weren’t giving up. You needed him to know that he was enough, fear wasn’t going to stop you.

You reached for his knee. Trying to touch the tips of his hand that laid there with yours, ready for the sensation of air to swoosh between your fingertips but then, just then, you... felt. First it was the tips of nails, then fingers, and as he turned his hand, eyes bulging wide, you felt his palm. You held it there for a second, soon sliding your palms together, you intertwined your fingers with his. You were actually holding hands.

Luke’s mouth went agape and you met his eyes, sharing the same look of disbelief. Seeing a tear roll down the right side of his face you realized your emotions mirrored his as one dripped down on the left side of yours. He wiped it away with his thumb, gripping your face a little more roughly than he intended to, the excitement apparent in his shaky hands.

He soon loosened his grip, now caressing your cheek, creating friction as he rubbed back and forth, replacing the chill of the night air on your skin with warmth. His fingers, then moved to your chin, then he poked your nose, brushed his fingertips against your eyelashes, till he finally rolled them against your lips, slowly. He couldn’t believe he felt you. The feeling was something even a dream couldn’t conjure up, something that even he couldn’t describe in a lovely song lyric; this was perfection; this was, indeed, love.

This revelation brought with it courage and with that he finally willed himself up off that chair and yanked your arm that was connected to your still intertwined hands with it and at once you became one with a hug. One so fierce and tight you couldn’t breath, his arms crushing your shoulders, his hands caressing your head, his fingers falling on the strands of your hair.

With one arm still around you, he moved one of his hands against your cheek once more, connecting his forehead to yours. You both relished in the closeness, breathing each other in.

“If I ever cross over, I bet this is what heaven feels like,” he said in a soft whisper, finally breaking the silence, but only adding to the moment’s loveliness. “I think you’re connected to my soul.”

-

-

-

Thank you for reading!

[stonesandswords]

002: Ted and/or Jamie (or choose your own!)

I shall attempt both!

Ted

How I feel about this character: 

I adore his optimism, even if it can be a detriment to himself at times. He went through something severely traumatic and, while we don't know a lot about his young adult life, he turned around and chose goodness and kindness despite all the hardship he went through. I think there is so much genuine love and care in his lil midwestern heart and it really does make me want to be more like that.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: 

Rebecca, Sharon, and Trent are rotating around in my brain. They all have unique but interesting personal dynamics with Ted that I think are fun!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

Beard is my go-to, the two of them have clearly grown through a lot together and have been friends for what I'm assuming is decades. Although Higgins is definitely creeping up there in my platonic OTP for Ted.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

I don't think he should go back to Kansas. I think that Henry should move to the UK, and possibly Michelle with him. Ted has had two really difficult events in his life that involved the breaking up of his family and I would hate to see him lose his AFC Richmond family like that too. I know it would be a big uproot in Henry's life but I think that he's young enough that he could still have a positive experience making friends as he grows up in London.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

I would like to know more about why Jamie's in Ted's panic attacks! I know we have a whole third season for it to be explored but I'm just so intensely curious about it.

my OTP:

TedBecca is pretty up there! I know that's a divisive answer but I really think that they have this deep, unknown understanding of each other that not even the other canon relationships have. I don't think they'll end up together, definitely an "in another life relationship".

my cross over ship:

I don't know why but I think Ted and Jessica Day from New Girl would get along absolutely swimmingly. They both have upbeat, optimistic personalities and are so extremely supportive of the people they love and care about.

a headcanon fact:

Honestly, I don't really have any headcanons about Ted. I think there are many surprises in store with him that I'm just enjoying seeing whatever the writers throw at us about him.

Jamie

How I feel about this character:

This is my sweet baby girl and I love him so much. I probably project myself onto his character more than any other character because of similarities I've had in my life with my own parents in parallel to his dad. Despite how talented he is and how far he's come, I don't think he's really had the chance to truly and authentically be himself.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: 

Jamie is the character I ship with the most people 🤣.

Keeley, Dani, Isaac, Sam, Colin, and Jan. Just to name a couple LOL

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

Roy or Ted tbh. I think they are such great mentor/father/brother figures for Jamie. I think they really push Jamie in different ways to grow. Roy makes Jamie look into himself and stand up for himself and Ted makes Jamie really learn to care about and lean on the people around him, among many other things for both.

My unpopular opinion about this character: 

I don't know if this one is super unpopular but it's felt unpopular to me, but I think that Jamie is an inexperienced person. This ranges from everything from relationships, feelings, sex, travel, and everything in between. I don't think he had a lot growing up and was left to his own devices a lot. I think he's really good at "faking it until he makes it" but ultimately when faced with the actual truth of things, he just doesn't seem experienced in life all that much.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

I really want to know more about Jamie's mom! She was brought up once really and that was in the 1x6 Two Aces episode. I would either like to meet her in season 3 or at least get a bigger picture idea of the impact she had on Jamie's life.

my OTP:

Probably Jamie x Dani, mostly 'cause that's the ship that I do talk to people about the most, so it's the one I have the most ideas about 🤣 but really if someone talks to me about another ship enough, that could probably make it's way up there 🤣

my cross over ship:

This is mostly a joke ship lol but Winston from New Girl. I love that Winston is a v confident person while living his best oddball life and it would be fun for him to bring more of that out in Jamie because I want Jamie to have his little oddball moments with no shame. But mostly I want the two of them rocking bird shirts together.

a headcanon fact:

I think Jamie really likes to feel like he's in complete control, in line with his "prick of all pricks" personality. But I think it stems from feeling like he had no control in the way he grew up or in his relationship with his dad. That his need to be in control comes from a deeply rooted place of insecurity, distrust, and scaredness.

send me a character(s) or ship(s)

[hinac0lada]

LET’S FALL IN LOVE FOR THE NIGHT

900 SPECIAL  — LET’S FALL IN LOVE FOR THE NIGHT

CHARACTER PAIRING: AKAASHI KEIJI X READER

WARNINGS: none

ALEX’S NOTE: hello lovely people! me and riss would like to thank you for helping us reach 900!! thank you all for appreciating our works and giving it some love. to compensate, i decided to post this song fic i made which was inspired by FINNEAS’ - Let’s Fall In Love For The Night  . if you can, please do listen to it while reading the fic, enjoy!

"he broke up with me, i should've seen this coming" i heard you say, a dry laugh coming from the other line, and then silence. i fiddled around with my fingers, worried about your state of mind. i knew this was coming, you were blinded with the love you had for that douche, but i could never blame you for loving someone. it was his fault, after all, for not seeing how amazing you are.

i sighed at the sound of your sobs that you struggled to suppress. we've been in situations like these before where you'd call me in the middle of the night after a heated argument, while i try to convince you to at least take a break from your relationship, but then i fail miserably because you adored that son of a gun too much. and in the end, you'd tell me you'll endure the pain until you couldn't.

i should get used to it by now, but no matter how repetitive this circumstance gets, i could still feel my blood boil every time i imagine the sight of you, sobbing on the floor of your shared apartment in a dimly lit room, all alone. all because of your loving boyfriend.

"k-keiji, i should've listened t-to you..i prepared for this moment, but why does it still hurt?" you managed to let out in between your whimpers. i could hear my heart crack, how could i let this happen to you? this was by far the worst you've ever been in— the lowest of the lows, and i don't want you to be like this anymore. and so, unlike most lonely nights, this time, i'll be by your side.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

"w-what do i do now, keiji? he wants me to move out . ."

"..you can stay with me for a while, and i'm not taking no for an answer, (y/n)."

"..alright alright, thank you so much keiji, i owe you one."

"no problem. now pack your bags, i'll pick you up at 25."

i know it was impulsive of me— maybe even thoughtless as i've forgotten i made plans with bokuto tonight, but i can't just let you swim in your own tears. i want to help you mend your heart, which i should've done long ago .

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

exactly 25 minutes later, i arrive in front of the apartment complex you once shared with your— now ex— lover. your tear-stained face, accompanied with puffy red eyes that usually radiated joy was filled with deep melancholy, a complete contrast to your lively visual.

i hastily got out of the car, intending to help you with your luggage until i was greeted with a tight embrace, you clung onto me as though your life depended on it, with your face buried in my chest.

your tears poured like waterfalls, soaking my shirt. but i didn't mind, this was nothing but a piece of fabric compared to how much i value you. but how could he let you, a literal angel— a goddess if you will, disregard you just like that? how could he turn a blind eye to your selflessness just for his selfish desires?

i regained my composure, gently wrapping my arms around your quivering figure, shaking from your uncontrollable sobs. i caressed your hair and rubbed soothing circles on your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear in an attempt to calm your frustrations.

i know you're trying your best not to burst right then and there, in the front passenger seat of my car. the drive was tranquil yet i could feel the slow, burning tension. i could sense the way you're choking back the lump in your throat from how loud your heart thumped in your eardrums while you tried distracting yourself by looking out at the city lights as they passed by in a blur.

i reached out for your hand while my other kept steady on the steering wheel, keeping my focus on the road. a smile made its way onto my lips, eyeing your flushed cheeks from the corner of my eyes. "let's forget about that jerk for now. why don't we have fun tonight?" i questioned, coming to a halt once the traffic light flashed red.

my gaze shifts from the road to your expression, feeling the heavy weight on my chest uplift, relieved to finally see you grinning. pools of (e/c) getting more vibrant every second, your grip on my hand tightening. a glimpse of green flared— a 'go' signal.

as if on queue, the radio played your favorite song, making me quietly sing along, hoping you would join in eventually. and when you did, the atmosphere shifted into a more gleeful one, the car ride filled to the brim with singing and laughter, your honey coated voice sounding like a beautiful song that i would never get tired of.

i still don't know how we went from eating to our heart's content, to end up doing karaoke. purple and pink neon lights set the mood of the room, your voice echoed throughout the small space, swaying your hips to the beat.

you're such a strong person, it's crazy. it's like the heartache you felt just hours ago, never was there in the first place. i've always admired how even if you went through the depths of hell and back, at the end of the day, you'd pick yourself back up and stay optimistic through your hardships.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

"keiji come on, sing with me!"

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

you snapped me out of my thoughts and tugged me towards you, handing me a microphone. your sunny disposition has a way of rubbing off on those around you. i'm not one to let loose easily, but miraculously, it only takes you to let out this side of mine. it started off as just you, but then it transitioned to a duet. and now we're having a full blown mini concert.

the night was still young, we're unproblematic and carefree, not caring of what lies ahead for tomorrow. will we ever know?

"sometimes i wishhis mom just swallowed him.."

"y/n!"

"what? you'd wish the same too.."

"..yeah, you're not wrong about that"

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

you cackled while i chuckled along with you. it's 1 am and we got back with a tub of ice cream which we impulsively bought after the karaoke session. we sat on the couch in our pajamas, putting on a random TV show even though we weren't planning on watching, instead, i opted to listen to you venting about your ex, making commentary here and there.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

"looking back, i don't really know what i saw in that jerk.."

"i guess you could say, love does make you go blind"

"does love make you blind, or is love blind?"

"i don't know, maybe both?"

time flew by fast and all our nonsense to intellectual conversations resulted in us trying to finish the gallon of ice cream while watching some TV series. i observed your eyes trying to blink away the feeling of tiredness, the activities of today starting to wear you down and make you lethargic. your constant yawning and droopy eyelids was a dead give away, you were like a child trying to stay awake.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

"you're too resilient, you need to get your rest soon."

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

i chuckled quietly at your 23rd yawn, you rubbed your eyes sleepily. i turned the tv off before i led you to the guest bedroom, with your presence trailing behind me. upon entering, you settled down in the bed, arranging the pillows and sheets to your liking.

"well, i hope you have a good night's rest, y/n," i began to take my leave, heading for the door, however, i was stopped when you grabbed onto my wrist. i looked over my shoulder to meet your pleading eyes, those eyes that i could never resist. "keiji, i don't think i'd be able to sleep by myself tonight.."

"i-i mean..you don't have to stay the whole night if you don't want to, i just, really need someone's presence right now, at least until i fall asleep." you struggled maintaining eye contact with me, your cheeks vividly tinted with pink despite the dimly lit room. i was reluctant at first, not because i don't want to, but because it was quite unexpected.

"hm? ..sure, since you asked. i won't turn you down, ever." with that being said, i slowly but hesitantly got in the sheets, while you shifted, trying to get in a comfortable position. it was all foreign to me, feeling someone's warmth beside me in this cold bed, but i eventually got used to it. we laid there in silence, enjoying each other's company as we tried to doze off.

"i'm so stupid." i looked at you, a rueful smile displaying your beautiful features as you glanced up at the ceiling of my apartment room. i hummed in response, a sign for you to elaborate. in my eyes, you're definitely nowhere near stupid.

"so stupid for ever choosing someone i love rather than someone who loved me. an imbecile not to realize he's right beside me through everything. the highest form of stupidity, was when i kept denying my feelings for you all this time."

is this a dream? i must be dreaming, right? if it was, i never ever want to wake up.

"the look on your face definitely tells me you think this is a dream, am i right or am i right?"

you turned on your side to face me, the once bittersweet smile replaced by your signature cheeky grin. i felt my breath hitch, our faces just inches away from each other.

with your features up close, it was much more breathtaking than it already was from before. i want to say something, but why can't i?

"k-keiji, i know this is sudden, and maybe you've moved on and all, i can't blame you if you did. if it isn't too late, maybe we could fall in love for th-"

i crashed my lips with yours, cutting you off mid sentence whilst gently cupping your face in my hands. i feel your hands making its way to my hair, gently brushing through and tugging at it.

what am i doing? what has gotten into me? but whatever this is, i hope you and i never regret this night, or any nights we spent together. i know better than to ever call you mine, but maybe this time, this moment at least, i have the chance to. is it too selfish of me to think that?

we eventually pulled away, catching our breaths, in the process, my eyes never left yours. to tell you the truth, i'm the fool, the stupid one. stupid for running away from my feelings, stupid for not taking the risk and tell you how much i've loved you ever since. but it's better late than never,

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

". . how about we fall in love for the rest of our lives?"

GENERAL TAGLIST: 

@pyblos​ @some-oxymoron​ @kxgeyamasmilk​ @kunimwuah​ @hakueishirei​ @rollingthundaa​

[misc-headcanons]

Lucci/F!Reader: In the Dark

(Commissioned by @junebloom21​)

Word count: 1964

When they first got together, Lucci told ____ that being with him wouldn't end well. He was constantly on the move for his job that he refused to ever share any details of, out of a sense of "protecting" her. He wasn't used to trusting anyone, not completely anyway. He's been called remorseless, heartless, a cold-blooded monster--and he'd admit that those could all easily describe him. Loving someone like that isn't easy, and the last thing he wants to do is ruin ____'s life because she was kind and foolish enough to fall in love with him.

And yet, when he'd told her this, all she did was kiss his cheek and say that she didn't care what kind of misery came about from being together; she'd rather live a hard life with Lucci than an easy one without him. It wasn't the first time he'd heard a partner of his say that after he gave them this "full disclosure" speech, and he'd felt a pang of worry in his heart that ____ would come to regret her desire to stay with him. Still, she said yes, and a stupidly optimistic part of him couldn't help but believe the earnestness and warmth and love in her voice.

But months after that conversation, he could tell that things were becoming strained. He had been called on a covert mission to carry out just before the Reverie, and he wouldn't be able to see ____ for at least two months. Something had happened in Big Mom's territory, and the intelligence gathered there led Lucci's superiors to believe that they'd need to  increase surveillance in Wano and Tottland; infiltrating the territory of two Yonko was definitely going to be a long and difficult affair for the agents of Cipher Pol. As a high-ranking member and one of their best spies, Lucci had been called on to leave as soon as possible. Normally he'd have had enough time to soften the blow of his absence to ____ by taking her out on a nice date, treating her to a perfect evening a few days before he had to ship out. Tonight was no different, but _____ was acting a bit strange.

Lucci had made reservations at ____'s favorite restaurant, and he'd even gone out to buy a few things he'd noticed her eyeing when they'd gone window-shopping in town a few weeks prior. When ____ stepped out of her bedroom in an elegant (and expensive) outfit, Lucci smiled warmly and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear before kissing her cheek. "You look beautiful," he murmured. "As always."

____ smiled back, though Lucci noticed there was a tightness and tension to her expression. "And you're just as handsome as ever," she replied playfully, eyeing Lucci and his animal companion who was almost always on his shoulder. "Both of you, hehe." She brushed Hattori's chin and the white bird cooed as he rubbed his cheek against her fingers. 

Lucci's eyes narrowed a bit when he saw her expression change for just an instant, and her face fell for a moment as she looked at Hattori. Something was bothering her and he wanted to know what that was. He draped his arms around her back and held her close, pulling her in for an embrace. "Are you alright?" He felt her bristle a bit in his arms. "It seems like something's on your mind."

____ was quiet for a fraction of a second too long. "Oh, it's...nothing," she said hastily, hugging him back and resting her head on his free shoulder. 

Lucci frowned. "If it's bothering you," he replied firmly, "Then it isn't 'nothing.'" He pulled away to look her in the eyes. "You can tell me anything," he assured. "You know that, don't you?"

____ stared back up at him, and the only sounds in the room were the ambient noise of the breeze blowing through an opened window nearby as a pair of silk curtains gently flapped and swayed. Her smile was gone, and Lucci saw that she was biting a small portion of the inside of her mouth. Her body was much more tense than it had been before. "I…" Her voice wobbled slightly, and that waver in her words was enough to send her over the edge of composure; tears welled up in her eyes, causing her mascara to begin to run as she sniffled and lowered her head.

Lucci's eyes widened a bit and he blinked in surprise as he watched her begin to cry. "I'm sorry," she sniffled. "I wanted to be happy tonight and make our last date for a while go well, but...I'm sorry, I can't. I can't pretend I'm happy."

Lucci held her and rubbed circles into her hip and upper back with his thumbs. "Don't apologize," he insisted. "Just tell me why you feel this way." 

____ looked up at him and took a shaky breath. "You're leaving again," she said bluntly. "And you won't be back for at least two or three months--again. And THIS time, you didn't even tell me where you're going!" She wiped away a few tears and glared at Lucci. "I can't call you, I can't send you any letters...Are you just expecting me to wait here for months, not knowing where you are, what you're doing, whether you're alive or dead or injured or…" She let out a soft sob and shook her head. "I can't, not without losing my mind this time."

Lucci's heart sank as he heard her. He knew that his long and frequent absence was hard on her, but he couldn't do anything about it. "You know I can't contact you for your own safety," he reminded her, trying not to sound annoyed or angry--although, a small part of him couldn't help but remember her saying she wanted this relationship with him despite the hardships there would be. "If you knew where I was and someone found out, you could be targeted. And if I gave you any information about my assignment, it could--"

"I know," ____ snapped, turning away from Lucci and crossing her arms. "It could jeopardize your mission and your safety. I've heard that a million times." She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "I'm not asking you to tell me everything, Rob. Just something. Anything, so I'm not completely in the dark when you come back home months from now at 3 AM, covered in random cuts and bruises, and you act like I'm supposed to just not say anything about it."

____ turned around and took Lucci's hand, looking up at him with pleading eyes. "Look, can you please just tell me what's going on?" Before Lucci could open his mouth, she hastily cut him off. "I'm not asking you to tell me everything. But there has to be more you can tell me about...I don't know, just something more than 'I'm leaving next week and won't be back for at least two months.' And I know, I know I told you I was okay with our relationship being…'complicated' because of your work." She squeezed his hand. "But I don't think I'm strong enough, not without something changing."

Lucci silently squeezed her hand back, and let her continue. "Do you know what it's like here when you're gone?" She bit her lip. "I wonder if you're going to come back. I look out the window--" She walked over to the slightly open window and pulled away the curtains to reveal the beautiful city view and coastline. "And I wonder if you're on one of those ships at the docks in a coffin or an urn. I have nightmares all the time, where you're bleeding to death or you're dead in the middle of nowhere. And I think, maybe I'll never know if you die out there." She let out a hollow, bitter laugh. "Maybe the World Government won't let me know you're gone, just so your mission doesn't get compromised. I'll just spend the rest of my life wondering what happened."

Lucci stepped behind her and put her arms around her again. She covered her mouth and started to cry again, staring out at the coastline while he held her. "Please, there has to be something you can tell me," she sniffled. "I won't ever feel okay until you're back through that door, but I need something to just…" She shrugged. "To hold onto, I guess." She turned around and pulled him into a tight hug. "You told me once that you've been an agent since you were a kid, right?"

Lucci nodded. "It's all I've ever done," he replied quietly.

"So...you've never had someone worry about you before," she replied questioningly. "Not just as an asset or something, but worried about you." 

"Aside from my associates, no," he replied. Calling them "associates" somehow seemed too formal; Khalifa, Kaku...they were all more like his siblings after everything they'd gone through together.

____ cling to him a bit tighter. "Well, now you have someone else worried about you," she said, her voice thick and worn from her bout of crying. "I love you, Rob. I'm never going to be okay when you're gone for so long, but if I don't know anything about it...it just makes it even worse."

Lucci froze up at her words. He'd had some partners that lasted longer than any one-night stand or passing fling, but he'd never took their "I love you"s that seriously. They never lasted long anyways, and they'd usually end things even after they said they could handle the distance involved with being with Lucci. His memories of them leaving didn't hurt that much, but the thought of ____ like that...It hurt him, in a way he wasn't used to feeling. He really did love her, against his years of training and his better judgment. 

Lucci was quiet for a long time, and the two of them held each other in silence. His heartbeat sped up in his chest as he tried to find something, anything he could say to give her more information without compromising himself. "...Hypothetically." he said slowly. ____ looked up at him in confusion. "An agent, not specifically me, could find a way to write to their loved one. She would need to learn how to read a certain type of code to read short messages sent to her disguised as inconspicuous scraps of paper--receipts, bills, etcetera." He gripped her shoulders and looked directly into her eyes. "And she would need to burn them immediately after reading them," he said pointedly. "Do you think she could learn that code in a week before her significant other leaves?"

____ smiled and nodded eagerly. "Even if she's not a very good student," she replied playfully, "She might do whatever it took to know whether or not he was okay out there." She let out a small chuckle. "Maybe after she fixed her ruined mascara and made herself look like less of a mess, they could enjoy their date night and then spend some time cuddling and learning this new code."

Lucci smirked and brushed the pad of his thumb over ____'s cheek and lips. "He might be a harsh and strict teacher," he warned jokingly. "Do you think she'd be able to handle his lessons?"

____'s smile widened. "Depends," she replied. "Is he going to discipline her by spanking her with a ruler or something?"

Lucci chuckled and held her close, enjoying the rumble in her chest as she giggled while he nuzzled her neck. She could fix her makeup if she wanted before they left, but right now, he just wanted to enjoy having her in his arms and in his life.

[fireblight]

anenome, angelica, gladiolus :^)

anemone :   how does your muse view the world ;   as a cruel   &   unforgiving place ,   a land full of wonders ,   or something in - between ?  where does that world view come from   ( what experiences ,   life lessons ,   etc . ) ?

Karin is a complicated creature when it comes to worldviews; much like her zodiacal symbolism and her asymmetrical hair, she has a tendency to be split right down the middle of wildly varying outlooks. On the one hand, Karin has encountered cruelty, unfairness and outright evil since she was a child: alienated from her peers, a victim of petty war / territory bullshit that only emphasized how useless and doom-ridden it was, the things she saw ( and did, even to the point of enjoying, on some level, parts of it ) at Otogakure under Orochimaru's guidance, and everything that followed in her time during Shippuden. She's been betrayed by the person she loved most, and can literally feel the evil in people. There's a part of her that's deeply pessimistic and almost reliant on the idea that the world is unfair, unforgiving, and filled with useless griefs.

It's actually quite a comfort, in its own dark way: it assuages some of the guilt she carries about her part in condoning / creating some of the evil / cruelty in the world. Like, the idea of she's only playing by the rules established, just looking out for number one. It takes the edge off.

That being said, despite everything, she is kind and she is hopeful. She can't not be, because what's the point in surviving if you don't hope for something worth surviving for at the end of it? She'd probably rather die than admit it, particularly to her more morally-ambiguous circle of friends, but there's an equally strong part of her that sees the good in the world and wants so desperately to be part of it. I wouldn't say she has a hero's complex, but there is a mute saviour complexー survivor's guilt turned I'm never going to let that happen again. Meeting Naruto is a big turning point for this, too, and balancing her friendships with the more straight-laced good folk of Konoha and ball of sunshine Naruto with the remnants of her more unpleasant life brings to the forefront of her psyche her difficulties with her morality.

Ultimately, she really believes that love, above all, is the most important, powerful force that can be ー as we can tell from her databook's favourite phrase, a woman's desire can pass even through rock ( and its various translations ) ー which sends her teetering to a more optimistic, almost idealistic view of the world, albeit warped slightly by the fact that love does not exist outside of the realm of cruelty, ruthlessness or unfairness.

angelica :   where does your muse draw inspiration in life ? what motivates them ?

She draws inspiration from the people in her life, mostly. She actually can be quite impressionable in some ways, absorbing the better parts of people in order to better herself. Though I don't think she consciously acknowledges this, or even would have an answer for what "inspires" her; despite her softer, more idealistic and almost spiritual side, she'd give a pragmatic answer. She might even just say "nothing inspires me". In regards to motivation, she is motivated by two dual purposes: a) to survive, no matter what ( this is mostly due to her survivor's guilt, again; if she died for something not worth dying for then it would make her village's deaths and all the things she did in Otogakure all for nothing, which is an unbearable thought ), and b) to be strong enough to protect the people she loves. She never wants to feel that kind of grief ever again. Despite her survivalist tendencies, dying for the sake of someone she wants to protect is something she doesn't deem a waste or disrespectful to all the people who died so she could live.

gladiolus :   describe a moment from your muse’s life that they will never forget .

There's a plethora of very obvious things that come to mind, but ignoring the obviousーprobably one of the few positive moments she had before Kusagakure got murked ( that still remains, albeit mostly repressed because she doesn't like to actively dwell on the past ) is when her Genin team's sensei, Touya, came to find and comfort her after she skipped a training day ( again ). She was feeling super down about herself and very lonely, with no real direction or positive future; essentially, super depressed. Touya was in his early twenties assigned to his first team, and quite frankly, a bit clueless about what to do. He wasn't really prepped to deal with like, teenage angst and bullying, more-so how to teach said angsty teenagers how to kill people efficiently.

That being said, he made an attempt. While their lives were actually functionally almost completely oppositeーcoming from a civilian family with "genius" intelligence and his own technique, while she came from a renowned clan but had average abilities ( yet made to feel as if it was lower than average because of how high expectations were, based on her clan's legacy )ーhe identified with the feelings of pressure and loneliness she felt, and the disconnection to her family.

Initially she rejected his attempts to comfort her, bitterly pointing out the aforementioned opposition of their lives, but he was persistent in explaining that it was precisely those differences that were important. He recognized that despite differences, empathy was possibleー he understood her, saw her, even if nobody else ( bar her mother and her younger brother, who was too young to be fully inoculated into believing otherwise ) seemed to. He saw her for more than this nebulous "potential" attached to the mythos of the Uzumaki, instead recognizing her as a complicated, anxious and frankly scared little girl, who just wanted to be appreciated for what she was.

He acknowledged her intelligence, her unique perspective, and essentially told her that he couldn't wait to see the kunoichi she grew intoー not the image that was expected of her, but the natural progression of her talents and nature, noting that her hardships made her capable of great empathy and compassion for the outliers and rejects of the world, and that was more important than anything else.

It's hard to say how much that influenced her philosophy in life, but there's just something very sacred and important in those small fragments of happiness. Of course, that only made it hurt worse when he died, since he never got to see the kunoichi she did become. Karin thinks maybe that's a good thing.

[p1harmonyofficial]

[📰] Interview: P1Harmony Want to Speak their Truth

One day, a mysterious virus appears. It seeps through every crack on Earth, swift and uncontrollable, infecting millions of people. Soon enough, a global pandemic sets in and the worst facets of humanity flourish—wrath, viciousness, extermination.

To a person living in 2020, this paragraph is nothing extraordinary. We have now become used to a daily, dim diet of updates about the COVID-19 outbreak wreaking havoc in the world. But last year, when everyone was still blissfully unaware, the six members of soon-to-be P1Harmony (P1H) were recording their ambitious full-length movie, centered around this same theme. “People might think that we predicted the future or something, but it was a very weird coincidence for us as well,” says Keeho, the Korean-Canadian leader of the group. “We made a movie about a virus and, sadly, this situation happened.”

P1H: A New World Begins hit Korean cinemas on October 8, and is the first-ever feature film to revolve around a K-pop group’s universe. In it, P1Harmony plays extraordinary versions of themselves that are the world’s only hope against the devastating Alcor virus. With cameos by Yoo Jae-seok, Jung Hae-in, Jung Jin-young, CNBlue’s Yonghwa, AOA’s Seolhyun, and more, the movie is a compelling introduction to FNC Entertainment’s newest boy group.

Twenty days after the movie premiere, P1Harmony finally made their official debut with the brassy, powerful “Siren,” off the EP Disharmony: Stand Out. And now, a few weeks into their busy schedules, they are sitting in a conference room to talk to Seoulbeats over Skype. It’s past 11pm in Seoul and they are still in their Show Champion outfits, but the energy in the room is unrelenting. After training for a whole year together, Keeho says that their debut “feels just like a dream.” The most talkative members—Jiung, Intak, and Keeho—take the front row, while Jongseob, Theo, and Soul sit behind them, following along with observant eyes and keen remarks. 

“The connection between the movie and our album is the virus,” explains the lavender-haired maknae Jongseob. Despite recently turning 15, he speaks with the wisdom of a seasoned idol — in 2017, he won the competition show K-pop Star 6, and in 2018 he endured YG’s survival show Treasure Box. “In the movie, the virus is a metaphor to show that the world is in a disconnected state, so we got together to bring peace to this world. The six of us are here to stand up for what we feel it’s right and speak our truth,” he adds. 

Differently from the SARS-CoV-2, the Alcor virus from A New World Begins is spread by drones who detect human voices. It’s a pandemic of silence — a parallel to feeling impotent against dominant structures — and to survive, you have to keep your mouth shut. That’s why speaking up is so important to P1Harmony. “Because we are teenagers, we tried to portray the things that people our age go through and inspire them to do what they want, regardless of what others are saying or thinking,” explains Keeho, his articulate words complemented by wide hand gestures.

In these moments, it’s easy to see why Keeho was chosen as the leader: he knows when to take the reins, but is also encouraging towards the other members, helping in translations and making sure everyone has the space to talk. At 19, he is part of P1Harmony’s hyung line along Theo and Jiung, but he affirms that age difference is never an issue. “We just talk to each other as friends, we rely on each other a lot, communicate a lot, give feedback. I don’t feel much pressure [being a leader] anymore because I know I can trust my members to do their best,” he says.

Rapper and dancer Soul, who is half-Korean but was born in Japan, is a testament to Keeho’s words. The members call him a “viber” — a word they invented to express Soul’s easygoing nature — but he affirms that adapting to the group as a foreigner was “not difficult at all.” Rather, the five other members of P1Harmony could be described as “vibers” themselves, gliding along the waves of an unprecedented year and trying to enjoy the present moment.

But knowing how to vibe doesn’t mean it’s all roses. Theo, a passionate vocalist who was sure he wanted to be a singer since childhood, reflects that “it’s a bit unfortunate that we couldn’t perform in front of our fans in person yet,” and Intak, Soul, and Jongseob, who still go to school, acknowledge the difficulty of working long hours. “For music programs, we do pre-recordings during early mornings and then go to classes after. It’s hard, but we try to balance as much as we can,” reveals Intak in his characteristic liveliness. “Your thoughts define who you are,” he continues. “Despite the negatives and hardships, I try to be optimistic, control my mind, and bring out good vibes as much as I can.”

This spirit is reflected throughout Disharmony: Stand Out. A collection of powerful hip hop sounds and echoes of old-school K-pop, it also features lyrics written or co-written by the members in all tracks. “We wrote a lot as trainees, but because we were writing for our album this time, me and Jongseob just tried to enjoy the process. We talked a lot about keywords, about what we should write, and the experience was really fun and satisfying,” says Intak.

“We wanted to emphasize our personal traits,” further explains Jiung. A versatile singer, rapper, and dancer, he also revealed a talent for comedy when asked about his hidden skills. “I’m great at cycling. I was so great that I almost entered a professional competition when I was in school. Thanks to that, I have really nice, strong, thick thighs.” Keeho confirms, saying that Jiung’s thighs are, indeed, “very thick.” Needless to say, the room cracks up in laughter, while Jongseob covers his face in disbelief.

It takes a good minute until everyone fully recovers, but this irreverence is part of the group’s solid foundations. By showing their own colors and standing up for their message, whether it’s hilarious anecdotes, breaking stereotypes in “Intro; Breakthrough,” or enjoying what you can’t avoid in “Nemonade,” P1Harmony is set for a bright future.

A New World Begins has an open ending that suggests the possibility of a sequel. “There’s nothing officially set in stone, but maybe there’s some thoughts about it. Maybe!” says Keeho, but he does confirm that a second album is in the works right now—cue in Jiung’s “ta-dahhhhhh!” and a round of applause by the other members. “Hold on! We have never told anyone about this before,” he realizes. “We cannot tell you when it will come out, but we can say that we are working hard on it, and it’s something you guys should keep an eye out for.”

[nerdycatastrophe]

Idk did some pixel art and I’m now gonna attach my danganronpa fancharacter biographies because I can :DD (sprite edits, character details and designs are subject to change btw and this very post will be re-blogged everytime I edit something.)

W/ SCARF AND BEANIE

Name and Talent:

Ikani Rinyu, Ultimate Digital/Multimedia Artist

Birth Date and Age:

February 13, 16 years old

Race and Ethnicity:

Polynesian Japanese // Filipino Japanese

Accent:

Japanese, just...japanese.

Blood Type:

A+

Weight and Height:

128 lbs, 5'2 ft

Mental or Physical disorders:

Recovering Pyromaniac (I’m still researching about Inattentive ADHD and if this oc has accurate symptoms) and Peptic Ulcer

Sex, Pronouns and Gender identity:

Biologically Female, Prefer She/Her/Herself & They/Them/Themself or any pronouns & Demi-girl

Sexual and Romantic orientation:

Asexual Biromantic

Religion / Belief:

Agnostic

Other Hobbies:

Cooking, Baking, Making things out of matchsticks and wood and Drawing traditionally.

Likes:

Making digital artworks, playing with match sticks and flowers.        

Loves:

The idea of setting things on fire or being around fire (for emotional reasons and urges) and warmth.      

Dislikes:

Theft-related activity, acidic food and seafood.

Despises:

The idea of water and feeling cold.

Personality type and traits: ISFP

(INTROVERTED;SENSING;FEELER;PERCEIVING)

Personality description:

Ikani is mostly self-aware of reality’s hardships yet tend to keep up an ‘’whatever goes, is what happen and I cannot potentially do anything to change that.’’ carefree, reckless, will only believe when she has seen attitude that pretends to be a healthy optimistic nihilist way of dealing with life but when unmasked turns out to be a faulty uncertain self-hate of pessimism that pretends to be optimistic or a realist way of thinking and solving problems. This can badly affects her creative ability to do any problem solving, thinking outside the box or standing up for herself and the people she loves alone unless she has encountered that situation before or has help from someone with far more experience. She does not rebel that much to authority or dictatorship as she believes rules are rules or the law is the law and whatever unintended consequences that follow or reports of abuse of power are normal and natural but she’s open-minded and adaptable enough to consider changing rules and regulations peacefully if she’s convinced or confident enough. Either way, Whatever happens is whatever happens in the present and she won’t make any effort to neither change or preserve any rules or laws that much. She, most of the time, follows whatever happens in the present world with no consideration for the consequences that would follow because she doesn’t like to think philosophically or overthink.

Habits:

Stimming, flapping hands around, running around in circles when stressed, excited, happy, confused or afraid if she can’t bottle up her emotions, Running away from problems as much as possible (literally and figuratively) and bottling up her feelings. Also tends to get distracted and daydreams a lot yet when it’s her turn to talk about herself she goes a little overboard which can put off people and assume she is selfish. (when it’s just a habit she does)

Character morality alignment:

Lawful Neutral <-> Neutral Good

Name Etymology and Shenanigans 1:

Ikani Rinyu once translated from Japanese to English respectively means ‘’How’’ and ‘’Renew’’ forming the phrase, ‘’How renew.’’

Name Etymology and Shenanigans 2:

Mess with the letters on Ikani and you’ll get ‘’Ikanai’’ which means ‘’Don’t go’’ referring to her brother, ‘’Ika’’ which means ‘’not exceeding’’, ‘’Kanai’’ which means ‘’Flower’’, ‘’Kani’’ which means ‘’crab’’, ‘’Ikan’’ which means ‘’Fish’’, ‘’Ani’’ which is another term for ‘’brother’’ and ‘’Ni’’ which means ‘���to go’’

Name Etymology and Shenanigans 3:

Mess with the letters on Rinyu and you’ll get ‘’Rin’’ which means ‘’Cold’’ in Japanese and ‘’Dignified’’ or ‘’Severe’’ in Italian, ‘’Inu’’ which means ‘’Dog’’, and ‘’Rinu’’ which can mean ‘’Freelance of flowers’’ and ‘’Beautiful’’ or ‘’Pretty’’ in Indian.

Zodiac and Planet:

She is an Aquarius and is assigned the planet Uranus based on her zodiac.

Backstory:

Ikani Rinyu was born as a second child to a worker class family (Rinyu family) who mostly had time for her. Many years went by and her parents had to focus on things they deemed far more important in order to sustain a family with regular income. Her family’s income condition worsened when the day before Ikani 7th birthday, She, her brother and her parents were robbed of a lot of yen at gun-point by a gang after they went to the store and bought a digital tablet for her as a gift (because they felt as if they were neglecting Ikani because of work). After the incident happened, Ikani's mother divorced with her husband because it turned out that Ikani's father had connections with the gang that robbed them and never told her about it. Another reason for her parents divorce is that both of her father and mother had an underlying conflict in which both were never really interested in each other and only agreed to marry back when they were friends so that they can decrease their tax and avoid debt and they both felt guilty about divorcing each other because both felt that they were selfish with their underlying mutual motivations for marriage,  they were still saving up money and investing and couldn’t afford to divorce early, and that divorcing will affect their children greatly if they will be honest about it to them at an early age (suprise suprise, bottling up your feelings worsens everything, yourself and everyone around you). This robbery incident went mainstream after the time Ikani’s mother divorced Ikani’s father and her remaining family was secretly interviewed by a group of ''journalists'' and this is how (insert academy name) found and scouted Ikani just so they can replace and -cover up an ultimate's death.- So her mom and the group of journalists made a contract in exchange for financial gain and basically free education for Ikani and her brother and also medical + financial insurance. Ikani started setting things on fire (mostly flowers, sticks and wood) on ‘’accident’’ just to gain attention from her busy mom, brother and everyone else she was close to and was forming a relationship with, in which her ‘’habits’’ slowly spiralled and developed into impulsive Pyromania because she felt that she was never loved enough + with her parents divorce taking a toll on her (her brother tried to help but also didn't know what to do and was busy with their own school). Around this time, she also felt like eating would decrease her family's money greatly so she tried skipped eating snacks at school but not basic meals yet she still developed peptic ulcer. On her 11th birthday, Ikani’s brother finally took a stand and consulted a ‘’reliable’’ therapist/psychiatrist and a dietician (who helped with the insert academy's goals) despite it being expensive and discouraged by her mom. Her therapist/psychiatrist then noted to her parents that Ikani should focus more on expressing her emotions in more artistic and creative ways in order to cope with her bottled up emotions, trauma and urges and using the digital tablet she got at age 7 when everything was still relatively alright should be a good head start. Her dietician also helped her with resolving her peptic ulcer and convinced her that she shouldn't feel bad about eating extra snacks and set out a diet for her to follow. Soon, The academy’s contract money given to her parents was enough to sustain her creative urges as Ikani eventually learned to create moving and still digital artworks including complex 3d and photography by simply using her tablet that had limited features over the years despite her age as she contributed to many famous and iconic company logos, designs, presentations, artworks, animations, movies, edits and videos that are found in the media. Over the years, Ikani secretly wished that the contract would stop as that diverted corporate's financial wants for themselves because of her hidden relations with the academy journalists and she wishes she was never born and regretted that time she was too ''needy'' at age 7 (she shouldn't blame herself though) but never took her own ground against it to her mom as she felt like she was selfish for wanting to do something her mom didn't desire so she ended up ONLY EVER venting her emotions through her work/hobby and sometimes forgot how to express her emotions.

Reasons for acting the way she does during the killing game:

The reason why she doesn’t vent her emotions and only bottles it up during the killing game is because just like in the original Danganronpa series, Monokuma would confiscate your belongings that allowed access to communicating with the outside world (and it just turned out her only venting item was a digital tablet that would probably screw up Monokuma) Also, it’s because the idea of ‘’Survival of the Fittest.’’, ‘’Being weak will kill you.’’ and ‘’No time for crying because it is not yet over’’ is in her head all the time + fear of being impulsive again and accidentally resurfacing her Pyromania and basically rendering her brother’s efforts to help her with her problems useless so yeah she’s guilty of wanting to feel emotions so she eventually becomes numb to the things happening around her.  All of these are her ways of justifying being emotionless, being unintentionally ignorant and coping with loss and grief in a dangerous game that could kill you any moment.

Student percentile, Predictability and chances:

>Gets killed normally: 30%

>Punished and killed for breaking rules OR due to unfair trial misconduct shenanigans because plot: 4.6%

>ATTEMPTED to murder someone: 20%

>Blackened AND escapes:  10.5%

>Blackened BUT executed:  25.5 %

>Killed someone BUT died during or before their murder trial:  9%

>Betrays everyone as the MASTERMIND: 1.5 %

>Betrays everyone as the MOLE // TRAITOR: 5.7 %

>Survives the killing game as an forever evil MOLE // TRAITOR // MASTERMIND in the killing game: 0.8 %

> Survives the killing game as a redeemed MOLE // TRAITOR // MASTERMIND in the killing game: 0.3 %

>Survives the killing game as a normal person in the killing game:  35%

W/ VISION CORRECTING VISORS

        2. W/ VISION CORRECTING READING GLASSES

         3. N/A EYEWEAR

Name and Talent:

Cyl Bol // Cyden Boliver ^ Ultimate Arcade Attendant

Birth Date and Age:

July 9 ^ 15 years old

Race and Ethnicity:

Dutch Japanese

Accent:

Russian mixed with Dutch and Japanese

Blood Type:

B-

Weight and Height:

100 lbs ^ 5'5 ft

Mental or Physical disorders:

Developing schizophrenia symptoms (I’m still researching on this so I’m not sure) and PAPD (Passive-Aggressive Disorder) and has genetic Albinism + Astigmatism.

Sex, Pronouns and Gender identity:

Biologically male, Any pronouns but They/Them/Themself and He/Him/Himself are preferred, Gender-fluid

Sexual and Romantic orientation:

Toric // Quadrisan or Viramoric

Religion / Belief:

Reformed // Progressive Judiasm (yeah, this the correct term-)

Other Hobbies:

Debate, Internet surfing, Meditation, Reading philosophical/theology books, Practicing first-aid methods and crushing herbs.

Likes:

Salt, Bread, Dieting (fasting), Figs, Bread, Wheat and Grains, Krupnik with meat

Loves:

Philosophy, Theology, Basic human rights, Debating, Eating Chopped Liver 

Dislikes:

The taste of pork (im sorry for adding this if it feels a little bit racist but I genuinely hate pork and I wanted to add it to a character that fits it the most without being too ignorant and stereotypical while still making the character that dislikes pork have an actual personality and backstory other than just RELIGION stuff. keep in mind this character hates pork not because it’s ‘’unholy’’, it’s because it tastes horrible for them), Immature // Karen customers, His own talent, Seeds, Human contact, Getting sick and parties/social celebrations.

Despises:

Strict people, Strict rules, Strict regulations, Dense and stubborn optimists, Peer pressure, Being taunted for being weak // frail, The sun’s warmth and sunlight, Going outside, Backstabbers and being manipulated.

Personality type and traits: INTP

(INTROVERTED;INTUITIVE;THINKING;PERCEIVING)

Personality description:

Really really intentionally and maybe unintentionally paranoid, superstitious, ‘’weird’’ passive-aggressive and lonely since it's his way of avoiding unnecessary conversations that could drain out his energy for him to save up on topics he deems far more important (philosophy + theology) and people that could potentially hurt him again unless they specifically ask him or want something from him for a short // limited amount of time and say it extremely extremely politely to the point where he feels pity or someone out-smarts his passive-aggressiveness causing Cyl to do your favor immediately out of embarrassment, anger, frustration or getting flustered. Most of the time, Cyl has a rather nihilistic and pessimistic (but sometimes, realistic and optimistic at times) views and mindsets of life and would rather die rather than following strict regulations // rules. Although he is a passive type of Nihilist and knows there isn’t that much value in life despite searching it (even with religion), He still is sort of a coward and ends up helping other people out of pity, jealousy, admiration or respect and will still be willing to fight for people’s rights things society deems unworthy despite the odds and his diminishing motivation on doing so. Cyl prefers to be individualistic, thoughtful, overthink for hours, alone and free when it comes to him making decisions or going onto places. Although he’s an INTP, He allows his emotions to run wild at times (even if in the process, hurting other people whether he realizes it or not) which allows him to make thoughtfully calculated decisions without having the burden of emotions and mood. Because of his defiance against the norms, He can usually think outside the box and think of solutions quick enough to solve an underlying problem on time in an creative yet messy analytical manner. Also yeah he struggles following rules.

Habits:

Praying a bit too much than usual, Rapidly cleaning visor goggles // reading glasses even when not needed, Limping hands and fingers to relax hand tendons, muscles and bones and tugging at Hanukkah snow cap when embarrassed / flustered.

Character moral alignment:

Chaotic Neutral

Name Etymology and Shenanigans 1:

Cyl is an abbreviation of ‘’Cylinder’’  which indicates the lens power your doctor is prescribing to correct your astigmatism (and this oc has astigmatism)

Name Etymology and Shenanigans 2:

Bol can be an abbreivation for Broek Op Langedijk (a dutch town), Beacon of light, Bread of Life, Bolivia’s (sounds like Boliver) ISO Country code,  Beginning Of Life and Balls Of Light (paranormal phenominon associated with crop circles) Name Etymology and Shenanigans 3:

Cyden is of English origin and means "To stand strong and be brave together as one" and Cayden is of American origin and means ‘’Fighter’’

Name Etymology and Shenanigans 4:

Bolivar is the name of the South American soldier that had a country (Bolivia) dedicated to him. Oliver is a boy name that means ‘’Descendant Of The Ancestor’’ in English, In latin it means Olive (symbol of peace); peaceful. Olive is a girl’s name meaning ‘’Olive tree’’ and is another symbol of peace.

Zodiac and Planet:

He is a Cancer and is assigned the ‘planet’ moon based on their zodiac.

Backstory:

N/A (ITS ALMOST 2 AM LOL MAYBE TOMORROW)

Student percentile, Predictability and chances:

N/A (ITS ALMOST 2 AM LOL MAYBE TOMORROW)

[jeremys-blogs]

The Last Unicorn: Unhappy Fantasy

Everybody loves a happy ending. We all love the idea that, no matter what bad things come about, everything will turn out all right when it's all over. That good will triumph over evil, true love will win out and that everything that could go right will go right. But as you get older, you come to realise that this won't always be the case. Bad things will happen, and they will happen to good people at that. But you don't always need to be an adult to come to realise that, as children too can grasp this concept. Media aimed at them will usually try to go for the more upbeat of tones and stories, but every once in a while you'll get a story that just won't want to sugarcoat things. A story that will look at its young target audience and let them know that we won't always get wat we want. For me, the first film to truly do this, to make me realise that not every ending would be a happy one, was the 1982 Rankin/Bass film, The Last Unicorn, an adaptation of the book by the same name by Peter S. Beagle. This movie was unlike anything else I'd seen up to that point, and as I'll say here, it's also unlike most of what I saw afterwards too.

Our story, which I first encountered via an old VHS lent to me by a family friend way back in the early 90s, stars a nameless unicorn who, after an encounter with some humans, begins to feel that she might be the only one of her kind left in all the world. Worried, she sets out from her forest in search of others like her, and along the way she comes across a number of dangers, including witches and bandits, all while picking up a couple of human allies, Schmendrick the magician and Molly Grue. Together they journey to the castle of King Haggard, the man responsible for taking unicorns from the world through the power of his beast, the red bull. But this endeavour takes its toll on the unicorn, as magic forces her into the form of a human girl before her arrival into the castle, which eventually leads to her falling in love with the King's son, Lir. After much time searching, the group once more face off against the red bull, and after resuming her unicorn form, our heroine fights it off, releasing all other unicorns from their imprisonment in the sea. The evil King is vanquished, unicorns have returned, and the party go their separate ways, with their journey now complete.

Now, to this day, I can't recall another animated film meant for children that has this kind of feel to it as I watch it, and bear in mind that I've known it for the better part of thirty years now. It's a kind of melancholy that just sits there in every moment. This is a fantasy world, yes, but it's also a fantasy world where a lot of the wonder and majesty that you might find has come and gone. A world where all the truly great things have faded. The unicorn we see is truly the last of her kind in the world, to the point where even two random human can recognise it. The fantastical creatures locked up in the cages of the witch? Unreal illusions hoaxed by her to fool gullible carnival-goers. The land King Haggard rules over is barren and dead, a far cry from the lush place it supposedly used to be before his rule. Even characters like Molly are those who feel like their best days are behind them, to the point where she feels initially quite bitter to see the unicorn at this point of her life, rather than as the young maiden she used to be. This whole world just feel worn down, past its prime, which was really quite something for someone as young as I was when I first saw it.

And it's not just the overall world that has this feel to it. Characters both ordinary and fantastic just struggle with feeling happy a lot of the time, or even optimistic. Schemndrick is constantly frustrated over his lack of magical talent, Molly, as I said, has grown up disillusioned with the supposedly romantic life of an outlaw's wife, and as for the Unicorn herself, she undergoes more than a few bad times. The transformation into a human girl utterly horrifies her, and it's something which puts her in a truly unenviable situation during the final act. A choice between her original life and her newfound love for Lir is put before her, and in the end it's not even her that makes the choice. She returns to being a unicorn and, as a result, can no longer be with the Prince she's come to care for. When the movie is on its last moments, she laments what has happened, that she regrets returning back to her original form as she will no longer experience love, which is something unicorns apparently can't feel naturally. She's given a happiness and it's taken away from her, and while she's grateful that her kind are back in the world again, this is a sting that's going to stay with her all the same.

And you know, there's one line in this movie that perfectly sums up exactly why it feels the way that it does. It happens towards the end, and Molly wonders if their journey is going to have a happy ending. Schmendrick responds by saying "there ARE no happy endings, because nothing ever ends". This, I think, is a perfect example of just what kind of mindset this story has. It's not trying to be some classic fairy tale of good triumphing over evil with its heroes riding off into the sunset. Good may score a victory over a terrible person and his beast, and yes a force for good is returned to the world, but it comes at a loss. When Schmendrick says this, you feel as though this really isn't the end, that this is just one moment of the much wider story. Good wins today, but tomorrow there might be something else, something where the other side is victorious. When Lir rides off, he'll likely go and do other things, have other adventures of which this was only one, so too will Molly and Schmendrick. It's fascinating to me that one line, only a few seconds long, can conjure up all these worries about what might happen after the curtain falls on our cast, but there it is.

Now I realise that this must make the movie sound incredibly pessimistic, and yeah, it's hard not to come away with that feeling when you finish watching it. This isn't a "happily ever after" kind of story, despite the fact that the goal of the quest was fulfilled. The dour tone of the story is so prevalent that, even as you see a whole herd of unicorn riding free, there's this feeling that something was lost along the way to making it happen. But, despite the story's clear stance of criticising or undermining certain classic ideas of fairy tales and other fantasy tropes, there's nevertheless a spark of hopefulness in here. Despite the hardships, the unicorn triumphs, restoring her kind to the world, even if it cost her something personal. Schmendrick, having gone through his own difficulties, emerges at the end as a fully-fledged wizard. Molly gets to presumably spend her remaining days with someone who treats her well, in stark contrast to the life she had prior to meeting the unicorn. Success arrives to all our main characters, so the film clearly thinks that good things can happen to good people in spite of the glass-half-empty tone it appeared to have, even if those characters had to be put through the wringer to get there.

The Last Unicorn, it must be said, is not a movie to watch if what you're looking for is an unambiguous good time. The mood is sombre, the designs are not exactly appealing with the obvious exception of the title character, and if you're like me you'll likely find yourself finishing this movie with a big scream at the screen saying something like "WHY CAN'T THE UNIVERSE LET THIS UNICORN BE HAPPY FOR FIVE MINUTES?!?!?!" But let it never be said that the film is ineffective at making you feel exactly what it wants you to feel. It set out to create a bittersweet children's fantasy story, and by God it made one. Maybe it was because I first saw it at a young and impressionable age, but subsequent viewings through my life nevertheless made me feel exactly as I did that first time, that I'd just watched something unique and memorable. It's hard to say whether this film deserves to be on any lists of the greatest animated movies of all time, but there's no denying that it did things kids' movies just don't normally try to do, and certainly not back then. It's a sad movie a lot of the time, but if the likes of Inside Out taught us anything, it's that it's okay to be sad every once in a while 😉

[mbanzon]

Blog Entry 1: Six degrees of separation from Lillia Cuntapay: Finding one's peace

In this movie, in my perspective at first, I genuinely thought it was a real documentary at first. Because it really looks like a biography of Lillia Cuntapay's life but as many scenes went by and as I keep noticing some odd details. I realized that this was actually a mockumentary but with her name playing as herself. But even then, it really says something about the lives of extras and how many in the film industry are not being appreciated nor recognized enough.

What struck me about the film was Lillia Cuntapay's optimistic and energetic attitude. Throughout that film you can tell how enthusiastic and determined she is in her work. Despite being a supporting actress or extra, she still gave it her all and did her best at doing what she loves. With that she became an inspiration to those who have the same position as she does especially the viewers watching behind the screen. Another was that despite things not happening her way, despite having her hopes down, despite having times where she was devastated, she still had a smile onto her face and she still had the same determination as the starting points of the film.

There were a lot of lessons and reality checks I had in watching the film especially since it feels like i'm not just viewing another person's life but I also feel like i'm walking a distance in their shoes. One of these would be, in every film setting or in a professional setting in general. there are those who'd get appreciated but there are those who are just as deserving but sadly are very underrated as mentioned above. It shows that the reality that, despite giving it their all, despite making a lot of sacrifices, there are these times when we feel like we're being left behind and that our work or the things that we do isn't being recognized as "good enough" sometimes the same result happens even though we strive harder.

But despite these hard times however I can say that, yes there are those who are underrated but that doesn't mean that they're completely hidden. It means that, although we can't really please everyone, although we can't always surpass everybody or the majority's expectations, there are those at the end of the day who stick around and appreciate our efforts. There are those whom we were able to inspire and help us see that what we're doing is truly going somewhere.

This point is more proven by the fact that at the end of the film, Lillia Cuntapay didn't exactly win like how she was hoping for but in the end when Rio Locsin got the award she took it upon herself to call Lillia Cuntapay on stage to share the award with her. Before Lillia Cuntapay was called on stage, Rio Locsin had mentioned that she doesn't get the recognition that she had always been deserving of, and that people like her are worth being mentioned and being brought to the light more often. Thus sharing her moment with Lillia Cuntapay. This just proves that, there will always be people out there who won't just accept you but to also appreciate you and to welcome you.

Another valuable lesson or reality check that I was able to get from the film was that awards aren't necessarily as great value as everybody thinks they are. It's there to give credit to your current work or standing but in reality it won't really define who you are in the long run. As it was said in the film? An award is like a report card. Because in my perspective, you may receive that kind of credit or standing at the current time but in the end if we're not being consistent there are definitely going to be some changes. With those changes it''ll always be up to us if we want to stop or to keep going and to do better. Who we are can always change in the future. Because to me the truly notable thing that more people should be seeing is the effort and the consistency of the work done at hand. Lets not forget the heart and the character that comes with it too

Which is exactly what Lillia Cuntapay has shown in the film, sure she may have her hopes down but the important thing is that because she is doing what she loves she was able to move on from these hardships. And it also teaches the audience that, these awards don't really mean anything because the important thing is that we remain true to our character, or if we want changes we'll change the way we end up having a better version of ourselves and most importantly, is that we are doing the things that we truly love.

At the end of the day in my perspective it does feel good to be seen but it's much better to be recognized, welcomed, loved, appreciated and to be surrounded by those who truly care about you. It's safe to say that despite the many judgements and changes that the world may go through, you'll be able to get through all of these challenges because you have genuine people by your side who would always inspire you and give you the strength to move forward. When these people are by our side? We'll always be able to find a place where we feel at peace and somewhere we feel like we belong to

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Catching up with fond memories over fondue   

Our first ever fondue night was a success! Since most of us are beginners when it comes to fondue so we decided to keep it small and stuck to the basics. Overall it was a nice and low-key night well spent with good food and company.

Fondue night happened to be on the week Lessa and Sarah dropped by to visit. Lessa’s another old friend from Astra, one who I just missed when I visited the town and met up with Nathan. It’s been ages since Lessa and I last spoke so it was nice spending the past few days catching up with her and Sarah. 

Lessa Meisner is the kind of person who can find the silver lining in clouds no matter how stormy it gets. She’s not the fake cheery blindly optimistic type - more like a try to see beauty and magic and all kinds of good things even when life gets unfair. Lessa’s a couple years younger than me but she’s experienced more highs and lows than most people around my age or older. 

I don’t want to say that she has a lot of unlucky breaks because that would downplay her high spirit and resilience - two of her best qualities - but she shouldn’t have to go through a bunch of difficult stuff in order to prove herself worthy. Trauma and tragedy don’t make you compassionate and brave - no, it breaks you. Sure, it shaped you in some way, but it shouldn’t define you, nor should it justify why you deserved to go through something like that. 

I remember talking to Lessa about stuff like this and it’s still something that she often thinks about. If I recall correctly, Lessa actually wrote a thesis on how traumatic events in childhood can mess you up. No matter how well adjusted you are, that traumatic event still has an effect on you, often in ways you don’t really notice. 

Growing up, Lessa was often told that she’s brave. From carrying on after experiencing family tragedies to getting back up after having a seizure, the response was the same. “You’re so brave, Lessa.” quickly grew hollow in her ears. She gets what they mean but after hearing it over and over again, it loses meaning and sounds like a reflex. The way she describes it is like praising someone for getting back up on their feet after falling flat on their face. For someone who’s constantly falling, getting back up isn’t exactly bravery, it means carrying on as usual.

Bravery’s overrated, Lessa would say. Sometimes brave isn’t an option, sometimes you just need to move on with life. Too often people are focused on the big victories that it makes the small ones seem insignificant. But it’s the small victories that help you get through the day.

Lessa was the youngest of nine, not only she was the baby of the family, she was also the most frail. She’s had epilepsy for as long as she can remember so she grew up kind of sheltered. Her father died when she was six and then she lost her mother three years later. 

After her mother’s death, Lessa was sent to live with her oldest sister Margie, her brother-in-law John, and niece Sarah. Lessa didn’t want to be away from her other siblings but at the same time she was happy to be with Margie since they didn’t really see each other too often. Out of all her aunts and uncles, Sarah got along best with Lessa since they were close in age, so she was happy that her favorite aunt was moving in. John however was nothing like Margie - cold, distant, strict - but he was the one who saw potential in Lessa and pushed her when others tried to hold her back.

Living with Margie’s family had its ups and down for Lessa. The first year was significant for her as she began having seizures more frequently. Margie became overprotective of Lessa, which John didn’t approve of. Just when it seemed like things were going well for Lessa, her seizures ruined it for her. And she hated it.

But she got back up anyway. Because what else was she supposed to do? Lessa’s not one to wallow around in her misery. She gets mad and sad but sooner or later she’ll have to get up and smell the roses. So that’s what she did and John noticed. They don’t exactly have a warm relationship but at least he gets her, and for Lessa, that’s more than enough.

When Lessa was thirteen and Sarah eleven, Margie was diagnosed with late stage cancer. Despite aggressive treatment, the cancer spread and worsened, leaving Lessa and Sarah to watch Margie slowly die. Lessa described the whole ordeal as painful and if watching someone dying was bad, she’d hate to imagine what it was like for the one who is dying. Somehow, Lessa managed to get through the days, being a rock for Sarah and a source of comfort for Margie.

Out of all the losses she experienced so far, watching Margie die was the absolute worst moment in Lessa’s (and Sarah’s) life. It’s one of those things that really fucks you up and it’s sad. If memories can leave scars, I imagine that this one left a huge gash in Lessa’s heart. 

Lessa went into detail about what happened only once and that was enough. Christmas Eve, Margie, John, Lessa, and Sarah in the living room surrounded by presents that weren’t supposed to be opened until Christmas morning. Sarah upset, John stern, Margie quiet, and Lessa miles away. One minute Margie was there, then she was gone. She collapsed and that was it.

The months following Margie’s death were a blur for Lessa. Sarah began acting out, causing high tensions between her and John, and sometimes Lessa. To make matters worse, losing Margie exacerbated her epilepsy and at one point that she ended up in the emergency room. At her lowest, Lessa felt scared and helpless. She was tired of being brave.

Being told that she didn’t have to be brave was what pulled Lessa through. Wise words said by her brother-in-law, words that stuck with her and got her through tough times. As Lessa learned over the years, John has his own way of showing that he cares. She still finds him intimidating and cold but at least she can talk to him and he’ll listen. They don’t have a lot in common and yet he gets her while her siblings, while they mean well, often miss the point.

For the next several years, Lessa experienced more hardships such as the losses of five siblings as well as various health issues. When I met her at Astra, life has sort of settled down for Lessa a bit as for the first time in a few years her life wasn’t shaken up by something bad.

A surprisingly stable adulthood followed a turbulent adolescence. Out of the nine Meisner siblings, there’s only Lessa herself, her second oldest brother William and second oldest sister Faith. In terms of health, Lessa still takes anticonvulsants, which is likely something she’ll have to do for the rest of her life. After hitting twenty, the frequency of her seizures dropped significantly, allowing her to obtain a driver’s license last year.

Since we last hung out, Lessa’s been devoting her time to volunteering at various charity events and writing articles for My Mind is a Garden, a website she co-created that’s full of resources for mental health. She still lives with John and Sarah in Astra - John’s an English professor at the local college and Sarah’s studying at Ostermann Oaks College. William and Faith live nearby on opposite sides of town so the three of them visit each other a lot. 

My Mind is a Garden is one of those places I turn to when I feel down. Not only it’s full of interesting articles that are informative and super helpful, but they also have a team of online counselors who can help you out and I’ve heard good things about it. There’s also a podcast called Garden Chats that I listen to sometimes and it’s thought provoking. Lessa appears as a host in a handful of episodes, which is why I started listening to it.

Hanging out with Lessa these past few days brought back many fond memories. We reminisced a bit about our college days, reflecting on how much has changed since then. While prepping for the party, Sarah and KK Slider put on a mini concert at the marketplace, the four of us went for a hike around the beach, Daisy Jane and Lessa went firefly catching at Sunburst Island, and we picked a bunch of fruit for the party.

It’s almost dusk and we’ve just finished putting away the fondue equipment. Who knew chocolate covered fruit can be so good? So next time we throw another fondue party, it’ll be a chocolate themed one. Guess I’d better start learning how to cook with chocolate. Would I have to learn how to temper it? I don’t really understand how tempering works and apparently it can be a pain in the ass so I’m not sure if I’m looking forward to that. But it’ll be a fun challenge to take on.

[eldritchsurveys]

794🎂

Did the best moment of your life happen at summer camp? >> You ever get to that point where you just resign yourself to taking surveys you’ve already taken? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve taken 75% of the surveys I run into but it’s not like there’s a great influx of new surveys to take, so what’s a motherfucker to do but just make repeat performances... Anyway, some really great moments have happened to me at summer camp; I’m pretty nostalgic about the camps I’ve gone to at Easton Mountain. They were great experiences, even with the bullshit that sometimes happened.

Do you get tired of fakebook? lol >> I’m just tired of facebook in general -- how ubiquitous it is, how much data it collects and what it does with said data, everything about Mark Zuckerberg, etc. How random people behave on facebook is of much less concern to me than the above.

Are you a poser on facebook or are you real? >> I don’t really use facebook. I have one for the purposes of establishing lines of contact, and that’s it.

Are you a people pleaser? >> I wouldn’t say that.

Do you get irritated a lot? >> Not a lot, no. Irritation is a pretty obvious red flag for me -- if I feel irritated it’s probably because I’ve let some important need of mine go unfulfilled, like hunger or sleep or emotional processing. Or I’ve fallen into a depressive episode.

What's something you've realized about yourself lately? >> Eh, nothing really stands out as particularly revelatory.

Do you know a lot of idiots? >> I don’t know any idiots.

Do you want a puppy or a kitty? >> No.

Do you hate that some people are stuck-up? >> No, because that’s not really been my experience with people.

Would you rather be poor and humble or rich and snooty? >> See, the thing about this is... I’ve only been poor. And for one, I don’t think being poor means I’m automatically humble, I think it means that I have to look at life and at other people in a different way than I would if I wasn’t in this position. It means I have to acknowledge my socioeconomic dependence, which means treating people like objects or means to an end is significantly more disadvantageous to me than it would be to a rich person. It means I have to budget my indulgences, and can’t just be capricious and lavish with my spending, and I can’t just throw money at a problem to make it go away. I don’t know what it would be like to be rich -- I don’t know how having those advantages would change me as a person, and I don’t know what unseen disadvantages would arise. I know who I am now, and despite the hardships of being below the poverty line as an individual (and only a little less so as a member of a household), I more-or-less like how I am. I see no reason to complicate things.

Do you know any humble rich people? >> I don’t know any actually rich people at all. I know upper middle class folks because Sparrow is related to them, but while they do seem to lack class consciousness a lot of the time, they still mostly live in a reality I can halfway comprehend.

Do you hate the millennial stereotype? >> Not really. It doesn’t affect me. But I don’t encourage people to spout that nonsense, either.

Do you think everyone should have a right to live, and by that I mean live a comfortable life? >> The problem with this is that, as a human being who is invested in lessening suffering for all living creatures, I feel as though people should have this right. Unfortunately, as a human being who is equipped with the ability to think about things critically and logically, I think that it makes no practical sense. What I do think is that social systems can absolutely stand to be more supportive to all peoples, and we should absolutely work towards that. We should always seek ways to ease suffering. But we should also expect that even our striving has the possibility of creating suffering, and weigh that against the good we believe we’re doing. It’s just a constant process, I think. Trying to be more conscientious and more humane humans than the humans that came before us.

Does your religion or spirituality teach you to love your enemies? >> I don’t have any of those things.

Do you love your enemies? >> I don’t have any enemies, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t love them if I did. Otherwise, why would they be enemies in the first place then?

Do you struggle to love your enemies? >> ---

Are you bothered by things that have been done to you in the past? >> Yeah, that’s kind of what being post-traumatic is.

Do you hate bullying? >> I mean, I don’t think it’s great.

Do you get bullied frequently? >> No.

Do you often wish you could go to sleep and not wake up until something good happens? >> I’ve wished that before.

How many people do you know who are suicidal? >> I don’t know how many people I know are suicidal. I’m not really... keeping track, you dig. Also, not everyone who is suicidal talks about being suicidal.

Do you read advice columns? >> I read Ask Polly sometimes, I think she has a lot of thoughtful and compassionate and passionate things to say.

Have you ever used a dating site? >> Yeah.

Do you want a fairy godmother? >> No.

Do you enjoy watching talent shows? >> Not especially. America’s Got Talent has had a few episodes that interested me, but I don’t watch it regularly.

Which cartoon character would you want to play you in a movie? >> ---

What is something you do not understand? >> Oh, you know. Calculus and stuff.

Do you know anyone who is spoiled? >> I don’t think so.

Do you think cars are ugly? >> All cars??? Of course not. There are some styles that I do find unattractive, but there are also styles I find very attractive. ...This makes me sound like I’m attracted to cars. I will neither confirm nor deny that assessment. :p

What is your favorite musical? >> Phantom of the Opera.

Have you made a lot of huge mistakes? >> Oh, yeah, definitely.

Are you ok? >> I suppose you could say that.

Do you ever feel God's presence? >> Nope.

Do you believe in angels? >> I had an Inworlder when I was younger that I interpreted as angelic. There was also an angel I knew a few years ago, which was a complicated situation I’m not sure I’m equipped to explain right now. I miss Tobias, he wrote me such wonderful things... :’(

What is your favorite magazine? >> I don’t have one.

What color hair did your favorite Barbie doll have? >> ---

Who were you rooting for in the very first season of American Idol? >> ---

Do you believe in miracles? >> I don’t find the concept useful.

Have you ever been to a tea shop? >> I’ve been to Teavana.

If there were a tea shop in your city, would you go to it? >> Sure. I love tea.

Do you still have your Christmas decorations up? >> Nope.

How many pairs of jeggings do you own? >> Zero.

Do you have any memories that are painful? >> Of course.

Do you learn from your mistakes and move on, or do you do the same things over and over again? >> Sometimes the former, sometimes the latter.

Do you make a habit of taking risks and stepping outside of your comfort zone? >> No, I don’t make a habit of it. Then again, my comfort zone is really small. Like, really. So many activities involve me being outside my comfort zone by default, which means I have less mental energy for purposefully choosing to do things that are outside of my comfort zone. I think this kind of thing is more suited for people whose comfort zone is a lot larger than mine -- who don’t regard basic things like “using the phone” or “being in a crowd” as being outside of their comfort zone.

Is your life boring? >> It can be. But frankly, I prefer this to the alternative.

What is your favorite thing to follow on tumblr? >> I don’t know how to answer that.

What are your favorite Pinterest boards? >> I don’t use Pinterest.

Is your Pinterest profile cluttered? >> ---

Do you wish you owned more board games? >> No, I don’t play board games. Sparrow likes them, but we also have no one to play with. We have three board games and at least one of them is still in the packaging.

Do you wish you had visitors more often? >> Not at all. I’m perfectly happy not having other people milling around my apartment.

Do you hate the economy? >> No.

Do you hate our culture? >> No. These are way too vague to be answerable by me in any real capacity.

Do you live in the USA? >> Yes.

What accent do you like best? >> There is no accent I like best. I like most accents just because I love the many different ways people speak.

Is there a guy you wish you hadn't let slip away? >> No.

What are some things you would like to do this summer? >> Just... go somewhere. I would like to be able to go somewhere. That’s really it, the bar is so low these days.

What are some things you love about spring? >> I think I love everything about spring. The warmth, the increased sunshine, the way the air smells when it rains, the explosion of greenery and colour, the feeling of finally being able to breathe, the fact that the air doesn’t immediately suck all the moisture out of my skin...

Are you feeling optimistic today? >> No. Optimistic about what? Isn’t that something you feel about something specific, not just... randomly?

When was the last time you did something that made you feel stupid? >> I don’t remember.

Do you hate social classes and inequality? >> I mean, it’s not great to deal with.

Is they're anything that you're questioning if you're allergic to? >> No.

Do you believe everyone should be treated with respect when you first meet them? >> Sure. I at least try to treat people with basic respect until it becomes clear that they’re 100% not interested in giving the same in return.

Do you hate that nobody cares? >> Nobody cares about what?

What websites shut down that you miss? >> Xanga, certainly.

What were your favorite websites when you were a teenager? >> Xanga, various band websites, Chimerical Publications (an old David Duchovny fansite).

What was the best class you took in high school? >> ---

Are you happy? >> Mildly.

Would you ever enroll in a college class just for fun? >> I would if it were possible to do so. That always sounded like a fun thing to do -- just take a class to get all the lectures and materials, without having to take the tests and stuff.

Do you feel free to be yourself? >> Well, sure. It’d be real fucked up if I felt like I had to be a different person all the time.

Do you stand up for yourself when needed? >> Yes. Sometimes a little more than necessary, but I’m just so used to having to fight for my existence. Or at least feeling that way.