#in the hopes that today's post won't have typos

[the---hermit]

22|09|2023

Happy hobbit day!! Today I have been pretty tired. I slept very well, but my I guess having to commute is draning a lot of energy from me. I did struggle a bit to stay focused in class, but we touched interesting subjects, and I can confirm I like the way this professor carries the lectures. He did finish a bit later than usual which for me meant missing my bus and having to wait an additional 50 minutes. I phoned my mom to have a chat and pass the time and walked around, and I ended up buying this amazing ghost mug. It's smaller than what I would normally go for, but it's a great addition to my small collection. When I got home I also went to my herbalitst's shop to get a couple of teas i had run out of (and there of course I saw a bunch of other beautiful mugs and I want them all).

Cozy hobbit activities and productivity:

Read first thing in the morning

Packed some lunch before leaving the house

Listened to podcasts during my commute

Had a walk to go to uni and back

3 hour English lit lecture

Got my new beloved mug (i was also looking for a ghost themed tote bag but unfortunately I couldn't find it)

Daily duolingo Irish practice

Highlighted today and yesterday's notes

Crocheting my mushroom cardigan (I am considering packing a ball of yarn in my school bag to crochet a bit on the bus but I haven't tested yet)

Drinking a tea (as I write this) in my new mug under a blanket because my room is freezing

📖: A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness

[hephaestuscrew]

The role of Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure Protocol Manual in the characterisation, symbolism, and themes of Wolf 359

TL;DR: The DSSPPM is used as a tool to help establish and develop Minkowski and Eiffel as characters: Minkowski as a strict Commander who clings to the certainty provided by a rigid source of authority like the DSSPPM, and Eiffel as the anti-authority slacker who strongly objects to the idea that he ought to read the manual. The way their contrasting attitudes towards the DSSPPM manifest through the show reflect their character development and changing dynamic. The DSSPPM can be directly used against the protagonists by those with power over them, and the reveal of its authorship gives a particularly sinister edge to its regular presence in the show. But it can be also be repurposed and seen through an individual interpersonal lens.

Note: There’s plenty that you could say about the DSSPPM through the lens of what it says about Goddard Futuristics as an organisation, or about Pryce and Cutter as people. Or you could talk about Lambert quoting the DSSPPM an absurd number of times in Change of Mind, and Lovelace’s reactions to this. But in this essay, I’ll be analysing on mentions of the DSSPPM with a focus on Minkowski, Eiffel, and their dynamic.

“One of those mandatory mission training things”: the DSSPPM as a tool to establish characterisation

The first mention of Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure Protocol Manual (the DSSPPM) in Wolf 359 is also the very first interaction we hear Eiffel and Minkowski have. In fact, the first time we hear Minkowski's voice at all is her telling Eiffel off for not having read the manual:

[Ep1 Succulent Rat-Killing Tar] MINKOWSKI Eiffel, did you read your copy of Pryce and Carter?  EIFFEL My copy of what?  MINKOWSKI Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure Protocol Manual.  EIFFEL Was that one of those mandatory mission training things?  MINKOWSKI Yes.  EIFFEL In that case, yes, I definitely did.  MINKOWSKI Did you now? Because I happened to find your copy of the D.S.S.P.P.M. floating in the observation deck.  EIFFEL Oh?  MINKOWSKI Still in its plastic wrapping.

This is an effective way to establish their conflicting personalities right out of the gate. Minkowski's determination to "do things by the book - this book in fact" contrasts clearly with Eiffel's professed ignorance about and clear disregard for "this... Jimmy Carter thing”. Purely through their attitudes to this one book, they slot easily into clear archetypes which inevitably clash. Everything about Eiffel in that opening episode sets him up as a slacker who doesn't care about authority, but the image of his mandatory mission training manual floating in the observation deck "still in its plastic wrapping" provides a particularly striking illustration.

By contrast, we immediately encounter Minkowski as a strict leader who cares deeply about making sure everything is done according to protocol; the intense importance she places on the DSSPPM is one of the very first things we know about her. Her insistence on the importance of the survival manual might seem somewhat understandable at first, if perhaps unhelpfully aggressive, but it starts to feel less sensible as soon as we start to hear some of the tips from this manual:

Deep Space Survival Tip Number Five: Remain positive at all times. Maintain a cheerful attitude even in the face of adversity. Remember: when you are smiling the whole world smiles with you, but when you're crying you're in violation of fleet-wide morale codes and should report to your superior officer for disciplinary action.

The strange, controlling, vaguely sinister tone of some of the tips we hear in the first episode is largely played for laughs, emphasised by the exaggeratedly upbeat manner in which Hera reads them. But even these first few tips give us some initial suggestions that the powers behind this mission might not care all that much about the wellbeing of their crew members.

It says something about Minkowski that she places such faith and importance in a book which says things like "Failing to remain calm, could result in your grisly, gruesome death" and "when you're crying you're in violation of fleet-wide morale codes and should report to your superior officer for disciplinary action." (Foreshadowing the Hephaestus Station as the home of immense emotional repression and compartmentalising...) Having those kind of pressures and demands placed on her (and those around her) by people above her in the military hierarchy doesn’t unsettle Minkowski.

Eiffel groans and sighs as he listens to the tips, but Minkowski seems to see this manual as an essential source of wisdom. The main role the manual plays in this episode is to establish Minkowski and Eiffel as contrasting characters with very different approaches to authority and therefore a potential to clash.

When Minkowski demands that Eiffel reads the DSSPPM, he decides to get Hera to read it to him, asking her to keep this as “a 'just the two of us, totally secret, never tell Commander Minkowski' thing”. Eiffel seems convinced that Minkowski won't be happy with him listening to Hera read the DSSPPM rather than reading it himself. This suggests that (at least in Eiffel's interpretation) Minkowski’s orders are not just about her wanting him to know the contents of the manual, since this could theoretically be accomplished just as well by him listening to it. But she wants him to do things in what she’s deemed to be the correct way, to put in the right amount of effort, and not to take what she might see as a shortcut. It’s not just about the contents of the manual; it’s about the commitment to protocol that reading it represents.

“When in doubt: whip it out”: Hilbert’s use of the DSSPPM

In Season 1, the DSSPPM isn't purely associated with Minkowski. Hilbert actually quotes it more than she does in the first few episodes. In Ep2 Little Revolución, Hilbert's response to Eiffel's toothpaste protest is inspired by "Pryce and Carter six fourteen: “When in doubt, whip it out - ‘it’ being hydrochloric acid.”" This tip is absurd in a more direct obvious way than those we heard in Ep1. While this absurdity is partly for humour, it also casts further doubt on the usefulness of this supposedly authoritative survival manual, and therefore on the wisdom of trusting Command.

In Ep4 Cataracts and Hurricanoes, Hilbert starts to quote Tip #4 at Eiffel, who protests "I'm not gonna have one of the last things I hear be some crap from the survival manual". These moments again place Eiffel in clear opposition to the DSSPPM, but also suggest that Hilbert's attitude towards the DSSPPM - and therefore towards Command - is closer to Minkowski's than to Eiffel's.

When Hilbert turns on the Hephaestus crew in his Christmas mutiny, his allegiance to Command is revealed as dangerous. And here the DSSPPM comes up again. As Minkowski dissolves the door between her and Hilbert, she triumphantly echoes his own words back to him: "Pryce and Carter six fourteen: “When in doubt, whip it out - ‘it’ being hydrochloric acid.” Never. Fails." This provides a callback to a previous, more comedic conflict on the Hephaestus, and reminds the listener of a time when Minkowski and Hilbert were working together against Eiffel, in contrast to the current situation of Minkowski and Eiffel versus Hilbert. But it also shows that Minkowski, like Hilbert, is capable of using some of the more absurd DSSPPM tips to defeat an adversary. And it shows Minkowski leaning on those tips in a real moment of crisis.

Once Hilbert has betrayed the crew in order to follow orders from Command, we might look back on his quoting of the DSSPPM as casting the manual in a more sinister light, and again calling into question the wisdom of Minkowski placing such trust in it.

“It's not that I don't believe it, I'm just disgusted by it”: the DSSPPM as an indicator of a changing dynamic

The next mention of the DSSPPM is in Ep17 Bach to the Future:

MINKOWSKI Eiffel's been spot-testing me, Hera. He doesn't believe that I've memorized all of the survival tips in Pryce and Carter. EIFFEL It's not that I don't believe it, I'm just disgusted by it. I keep hoping to discover it's not true. MINKOWSKI Well, believe as little as you want, doesn't change the fact that I do know them. And so should you!

I think this provides an interesting illustration of the way in which Minkowski and Eiffel’s dynamic has developed since Ep1. They still have deeply contrasting attitudes to the DSSPPM, but this contrast is now a source of entertainment between them, rather than merely of conflict.

Given that Hera wasn’t aware of Eiffel testing Minkowski on the tips, we can guess that it’s a game they came up with while Hera was offline. In the midst of all the exhaustion and uncertainty and fear they were dealing with after Hilbert’s mutiny, this was a way they found to pass the time. It must have been Eiffel who suggested it; Minkowski cites his disbelief as the reason for the spot-testing. And yet she plays along, responding each time, even though this activity has no real productive value.

Minkowski is keen to demonstrate that she does know the tips and she emphasises that Eiffel ought to know them too, but their interactions about the DSSPPM in this episode have none of the genuine irritation and frustration that they displayed in Ep1. It feels almost playful and teasing. Eiffel still thinks Minkowski is "completely insane" for learning all the tips and is "disgusted" by her commitment to memorising them, but these comments feel much closer to joking about a friend's weird traits than to insulting a hated coworker's personality. It feels like something has shifted since Eiffel responded to Minkowski’s passion for the DSSPPM by saying “I'm so glad that your shrivelled husk of a dictator's heart is as warm as a decompression chamber”.

Another thing to note here is that Minkowski's respect for the DSSPPM has clearly survived Hilbert's Christmas mutiny and Minkowski's resulting distrust of Command. From Hilbert's behaviour at Christmas, it's clear that the crew's survival is not at the top of Command's priority list. But Minkowski still trusts the book that Command told her to read. She still thinks Eiffel should read it too. The main figures of authority above her are dangerous and untrustworthy, but she still clings to the source of guidance they provided her with.

It's also worth noting that Minkowski has not just learnt the advice in each of the 1001 tips, but she has memorised (nearly) all of them by number. If it was just about the information that the manual provides to inform responses to potentially life-or-death situations, then knowing the numbers wouldn't be necessary. Nor would it be particularly useful to know them all exactly word-for-word. Minkowski's reliance on the DSSPPM is again suggested to be about more than the potential practical use of its content. It's about showing that she is committed and disciplined and up to the task of leading. She does have some awareness of the strangeness of many of the tips, but this doesn't diminish the value of her adherence to the manual for her:

EIFFEL You're insane.  MINKOWSKI I'm disciplined. Although I will admit they do get more... esoteric as you go higher up the list.

There's only one tip Minkowski doesn't seem to remember, and that's revealing too:

EIFFEL 555? Minkowski DRAWS BREATH - and STOPS SHORT. [...] MINKOWSKI Hold on a second, I know this. (beat) Dammit. EIFFEL Hey, look at that! Looks like there may be hope for you yet. MINKOWSKI Quiet, Eiffel. Hera, what's D.S.S.P.P.M. 555? HERA "Good communication habits are key to continued subsistence. Be in touch with other crew members about shipboard activities. Interfacing about possible problems or dangers is the best way to anticipate and prevent them." This hangs in the air for a second. Then – EIFFEL So you forget the one tip in the entire manual that's actually helpful? MINKOWSKI Shut up.

Communication is a key theme of this show, so it’s interesting that this is the one tip Minkowski can’t remember, perhaps indicating an aspect of leadership and teamwork that she doesn’t always prioritise or find easy.

Eiffel saying “Looks like there may be hope for you yet” seems like just a throwaway teasing line, but it’s got a profound edge to it. A lot of Minkowski’s arc is about learning how to provide her own direction and support her crew outside of the systems of authority and hierarchy that she’s grown so attached to. So perhaps Eiffel is right to see a kind of hope in her failure to remember every single DSSPPM tip – she has the potential to break free of her reliance on external authority.

“Which one was 897, what was the exact phrasing of that Deep Space Survival Tip?”: the DSSPPM in interactions with Cutter

The Wolf 359 liveshow, Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol, is literally named after the manual. This suggests, before we’ve even heard/watched the episode, that the DSSPPM will be a key symbol here. Which is interesting because I'd say the liveshow has two main plot points: (a) Eiffel's failure to read the DSSPPM or follow orders in general, the resulting disruption to the mission, and his crewmates' frustration with this; and (b) the looming threat of Cutter, the necessity of keeping information from Command, and the risk of fatal mission termination.

Even without the knowledge that Cutter is one of the co-authors of the DSSPPM (which neither the Hephaestus crew nor a first-time listener knows at this point), there's a kind of irony in the contrast between these two plotlines. On the one hand, Minkowski repeatedly berates Eiffel for not having read Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol Manual, which was made mandatory by Command. On the other hand, she is aware that Command in general - and Cutter specifically - represents the biggest threat to the safety and survival of her crew.

Cutter uses the DSSPPM against each of the Hephaestus crew in their one-on-one conversations with him. For Minkowski, he uses it as a way of emphasising the expectations and responsibility placed on her:

MINKOWSKI There are always gaps between expectation and reality, but-- CUTTER But it's our job as leaders to close that gap, isn't it? Pryce and Carter...? MINKOWSKI 414, yes. Yes, sir, I know.

Cutter knows that Minkowski will know those tips and he knows abiding by them is important to her. She's quick to demonstrate her knowledge of the DSSPPM and agree with the tip. There's something deeply sinister to me about Cutter's use of the word 'our' here. His phrasing includes them both as leaders who should be ensuring that things are exactly as expected. It’s almost a kind of flattery at her authority, but it comes with impossibly high expectations. This way of emphasising the importance and responsibilities of her role as Commander is a targeted strategy by Cutter at manipulating Minkowski, designed to appeal to her values.

In Hera's one-on-one, Cutter uses a DSSPPM tip to interpret her behaviour and claim that he can read her motives:

CUTTER This thing you're doing. Asking questions while you get your bearings. HERA Sir, I'm just curious about-- CUTTER Pryce and Carter 588: Shows of courtesy and polite queries are an efficient way to gain time necessary to strategize.

Unlike with Minkowski (or Eiffel), Cutter doesn't prompt Hera to demonstrate her knowledge of the manual. That wouldn't work as a power play against Hera, who would be able to recall the manual (or, rather, retrieve the file, however that distinction works within her memory) but who doesn't care about the DSSPPM like Minkowski does. Instead, Cutter implies that Hera’s behaviour can be predicted - or at the very least seen through - by the DSSPPM, which seems like a cruel attempt by Cutter at belittling her.

For Eiffel, Cutter uses the manual as a weapon in a different way again. He asks Eiffel, "which one was 897, what was the exact phrasing of that Deep Space Survival Tip?", something which Eiffel clearly doesn't know, but Cutter of course does. This puts Eiffel on the back foot, trying to defend and justify himself, allowing Cutter to emphasise his position of power yet again.

The DSSPPM plays a double role in the liveshow. On the one hand, as Minkowski reminds Eiffel, proper knowledge of the manual "would've saved [the crew] from these problems with the nav computer" – some of the tips can potentially save the crew a great deal of hassle, stress, and risk. On the other hand, the same manual is used by Cutter to manipulate, unsettle, and intimidate the crew. There are these two sides to the information given to the crew by Command - two sides to the manual which Minkowski still values.

In another duality for the DSSPM, the manual is sometimes used as a symbol of the relationship between the crew members and Command, and sometimes used to indicate the dynamics between the individual crew members, usually Minkowski and Eiffel. Before Cutter’s appearance in the liveshow, Minkowski and Eiffel’s discussions of the DSSPPM reflect interpersonal disagreements between two people with fundamentally different attitudes:

MINKOWSKI Oh come on, why do you think I keep trying to get you to go over these things? Do you think I enjoy going through them? EIFFEL Yes. MINKOWSKI Well, alright, I do. But this knowledge could save your life.

Minkowski enjoys rules, regulations, and certainty, for their own sake as much as for any practical usefulness. Eiffel very much does not. This is a simple clash of individuals, in which the link between the DSSPPM and Command is implicit. Minkowski doesn't seem to question the idea that the information in the DSSPPM is potentially life-saving, even though she knows Command don't care about their lives. But Cutter’s repeated references to the DSSPPM remind us who made that book a mandatory part of mission training – it certainly wasn’t Minkowski, even if she’s often the one attempting to enforce this rule.

At the end of the liveshow, in a desperate attempt to prevent mission termination, Eiffel promises Cutter that he will read the DSSPPM (the liveshow transcript notes that him saying this is "like pulling teeth"), an instance of the manual being used in negotiations between the Hephaestus crew and Command. All Minkowski’s orders weren’t enough to get Eiffel to read that book, but a genuine life-or-death threat might just about be enough. Perhaps it's ironic that Eiffel reads the survival manual out of a desire for survival, not because he thinks the contents of the book will help him survive, but because he’s grasping anything he can offer to buy the crew’s survival from those who created that same book.

In the final scene of the liveshow, Minkowski catches Eiffel reading the DSSPPM, and he fumbles to hide that he's been reading it, a humorous reversal of all the times that he's lied to her that he has read it. Perhaps admitting that he's reading it would be like letting Minkowski win. Minkowski seems to find both surprise and amusement in seeing Eiffel finally reading the manual, but she doesn't push him to admit it. There's some slightly smug but still friendly teasing in the way Minkowski says "were you now?" when Eiffel says that he was just reading something useful. In that final scene, the manual is viewed again through the lens of Minkowski and Eiffel’s dynamic – Command’s relation to the DSSPPM becomes secondary.

“The first thing I'd make damn sure was hard wired into anything that might end up in a situation like this one”: the DSSPPM as a tool of survival

In Ep30 Mayday, when Eiffel is stranded alone on Lovelace’s shuttle, he hallucinates Minkowski to bring him out of his helpless panic and force him into action. And this hallucination also brings with it one of Minkowski’s interests:

MINKOWSKI Eiffel... I worked on this shuttle. Reprogramming that console. EIFFEL So? How does that help – MINKOWSKI Think about it. BEAT. And then he gets it. EIFFEL Oh goddammit. MINKOWSKI What's the first thing that I would do when programming a flight computer? The first thing I'd make damn sure was hard wired into anything that might end up in a situation like this one? EIFFEL Pyrce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol Manual.

Again, a conversation about the DSSPPM gives us an indication of the development of Minkowski and Eiffel’s relationship. Not only does Eiffel imagine Minkowski as a figure of (fairly aggressive) support when he’s stranded and alone, he thinks about what advice she’d give him and he follows it. Rather than dismissing the manual entirely, he looks for tips that are relevant to his situation. He’s not pleased about his hallucinated-Minkowski trying to get him to read the DSSPPM, but that was what his mind gave him in an almost hopeless situation. Some part of him now empathises with Minkowski’s priorities in a way that he definitely wasn’t doing in Ep1. He thinks that the DSSPPM might be on the shuttle because he knows the manual is important to Minkowski. It’s by imagining Minkowski that he gets himself to read the manual in order to see if it can help him survive – he certainly doesn’t think about what Cutter or anyone else from Command would tell him to do.

In the end, the tips Eiffel picks out aren’t all that helpful or informative: “Confront reality head-on”; “In an emergency, take stock of the tools at your disposal. Then take stock again. Restock. Repurpose. Reuse. Recycle."; and “"In times of trouble, an idle mind is your worst enemy”. But Eiffel does use these tips to structure his initial thinking about how to survive on Lovelace’s shuttle. In an almost entirely hopeless situation, Eiffel finds some value in the DSSPPM. But since the tips he picks out are mostly platitudes, the actual wisdom that allows him to survive all comes from his own mind; the tips, like his hallucinations, are just a tool he uses to externalise his process of figuring out what to do.

“Wasn't there something about this in the survival manual?”: Minkowski potentially moving away from the DSSPPM

Given the significance of the DSSPPM in Season 1 and 2 to Minkowski in particular, it feels notable when the manual isn’t referenced. Unless I've missed something (and please let me know if I have), Minkowski – the real one, not Eiffel’s hallucination - doesn't bring up the manual of her own accord at all in Seasons 3 or 4. This might make us wonder if she’s moved away from her trust in and reliance on that book provided by Command.

Perhaps the arrival of the SI-5, which highlights to Minkowski that the chain of command is not a good indicator of trustworthy authority, was the final straw. Or perhaps the apparent loss of Eiffel - and any subsequent questioning of her leadership approach, or realisations about the valuable perspective Eiffel provided - were what finally broke down her faith in that book.

Alternatively, perhaps Minkowski still trusts the DSSPPM as much as ever, but trying to get Eiffel or any of the other crew members to listen to it is a losing battle that she no longer sees as a priority. Either way, Minkowski’s apparent reluctance to bring up the DSSPPM feels like a shift in her approach. 

The associations between Minkowski and the DSSPPM are still there in Season 3, but they are raised by other characters, not by Minkowski herself. The manual is used to emphasise Eiffel’s difficulties when he’s put in charge of trying to get Maxwell and Hera to fill out a survey in Ep32 Controlled Demolition. Trying to force other people to be productive pushes Eiffel into some very uncharacteristic behaviour:

EIFFEL Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you? It's like you've never even read Pryce and Carter! Tip #490 very clearly states that – He trails off. After a BEAT – HERA Officer Eiffel? MAXWELL You, uh, all right there? EIFFEL (the horror) What have I become? [...] Eiffel, now wrapped up in a blanket, is next to Lovelace. He is still very clearly shaken. EIFFEL ... and... it was like an episode of the Twilight Zone. I was slowly transforming into Commander Minkowski. [...] It was a nightmare! A terrifying, bureaucratic nightmare!

This is a funny role reversal, but it shows us the strength of Eiffel’s association between Minkowski and the DSSPPM, as well his extreme aversion to finding himself in a strict bureaucratic leadership position. It also suggests that becoming extremely frustrated when trying to get other people to do what you want might make anyone resort to relying on an external source of authority, such as the manual. I don’t know whether this experience helps Eiffel empathise with Minkowski, but perhaps it might give us some insight into how her need for authority and control in the leadership role she occupied might have reinforced her deference to the DSSPPM.

In Ep34, we get a suggestion of another character having a strong association between the DSSPPM and Minkowski. After the discovery of Funzo, Hera asks Minkowski what the manual says about it:

HERA Umm... I don't know if this is a good idea. Lieutenant, wasn't there something about this in the survival manual? MINKOWSKI Pryce and Carter 792: Of all the dangers that you will face in the void of space, nothing compares to the existential terror that is Funzo.

It’s interesting to me that Hera asks Minkowski here. We know from Ep1 that “Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure Protocol Manual is among the files [Hera has] access to”. Two possible reasons occur to me for why Hera might ask Minkowski about the DSSPPM tip here. One possibility is that Hera thinks that retrieving the manual from her databanks and finding the correct tip would take her more time than it would take for Minkowski to just remember the tip. Which suggests interesting things about the nature of Hera’s memory, but also implies that - at least in Hera's view -Minkowski’s knowledge of the DSSPPM is more reliable than that of a supercomputer.

The other possibility is that Hera could have recalled the relevant DSSPPM tip incredibly quickly but she doesn’t want to, maybe because she resents having that manual in her head in the first place, or maybe because she wants to show respect for Minkowski’s knowledge as a Commander. Either way, we can see that Hera – like Eiffel – strongly associates Minkowski with the DSSPPM.

And Minkowski, even if she wasn’t the one to bring up the manual here, recalls the relevant tip immediately. Perhaps she is moving away from her trust in that manual, but everything that she learned as part of her old deference to the authority of Command is still there in her head. She might want to forget it by the end of the mission, but that’s not easily achieved. The way Minkowski’s friends/crewmates associate the manual with her emphasises the difficulty she’ll face if she tries to move away from it.

“One thousand and one pains in my ass”: The authorship of the DSSPPM

In Ep55 A Place for Everything, Eiffel effectively expresses his long-held dislike of the DSSPPM when he comes face-to-face with both of its authors:

EIFFEL What? What the hell are - wait a minute - Pryce? As in one thousand and one pains in my ass, Pryce? (sudden realization) Which... makes you...? MR. CUTTER (holding out his hand) W.S. Carter, pleased to meet you. 

It’s significant that the two ‘big bads’ of the whole series are the authors of the manual which Minkowski and Eiffel were bickering about all the way back in Ep1. It’s not the only way in which the message of this show positions itself firmly against just accepting externally imposed authority and hierarchy without question or evidence, but it does reinforce this ethos.

By being the authors of the manual, Cutter and Pryce have had a sinister hidden presence throughout the show. Long before we know who Pryce is and even before we hear Cutter’s name, their manual is there, occupying a prominent place in Minkowski’s motivations and priorities, and in her arguments with Eiffel. It’s not at all comparable to what Pryce put in Hera’s mind, but it is another way in which these antagonists have wormed their way into the heads of our protagonists.

Minkowski will have to come to terms with the fact that the 1001 tips she spent hours memorising and reciting were written by two people who would have killed her, her crew, and even the whole human race without hesitation if it served their purposes. We never get to hear Minkowski’s reaction to learning the identities of Pryce and Carter, but I think processing the role of their manual in her life will be a long and difficult road that’ll tie into a lot of other emotional processing she needs to do. Her assertion to Cutter that, without him, she is “Renée Minkowski... and that is more than enough to kick your ass!” feels like part of that journey. She doesn’t mention the DSSPPM at all in Season 4. She’s growing beyond it.

"Doug Eiffel's Deep Space Survival Guide": The DSSPPM as a weapon against those who wrote it

Last but not least, I couldn’t write about Eiffel and the DSSPPM without mentioning this scene from  Ep58 Quiet, Please:

EIFFEL As someone once told me: "Pryce and Carter 754: In an emergency, take stock of the tools at your disposal, then take stock again. Repurpose, reuse, recycle." And right now? You know what I got? I got this lighter from when Cutter was using me as his personal cabana boy. [...] and I've got myself this big, fat copy of the Deep Space Survival Manual, and you know what I'm gonna do with it? [...] Eiffel STRIKES THE LIGHTER. And LIGHTS THE BOOK ON FIRE, revealing Pryce just a few feet away from him! EIFFEL I am going to repurpose it... and reuse it... and recycle it into a GIANT FIREBALL OF DEATH! And he swings the flaming book forward, HITTING PRYCE ON THE SIDE OF THE HEAD. [...] EIFFEL That's right! Doug Eiffel's Deep Space Survival Guide, B-

No one other than Doug Eiffel could pull off the chaotic energy of this moment. It doesn’t get much more anti-authority than lighting the mandatory mission manual on fire and using it as a weapon against one of its malevolent authors. It might not be the wisest move safety-wise, and it certainly doesn’t improve the situation when the node gets jettisoned into space. But there is still a powerful symbolism in taking a symbol of the hierarchical forces that have tried to constrain you for years and setting it alight to fight back against those forces. Eiffel takes his own approach to survival and puts his own name into the title, an assertion of his agency and rejection of Command's authority.

The DSSPPM tip that he uses here is one of those he considers when stranded on Lovelace’s shuttle. It’s understandable that after that experience it might have stuck in his memory.

I can’t help feeling that the line “as someone once told me” has a double meaning here. The immediate implication is to interpret “someone” as being Pryce and Cutter – it’s their manual after all – which makes this line a fairly effective ‘fuck you’ gesture, emphasising how Eiffel is using Pryce’s manual against her in both an abstract and a physical sense.

But I think “someone” could also mean Minkowski. Eiffel uses a singular rather than plural term, there’s already an association established between Minkowski and the DSSPPM, and, in Mayday, it’s his hallucination of Minkowski that gets him to read this tip. She's probably also recited this tip to him at other points as well. Under this interpretation, this line is as much a gesture of solidarity with Minkowski as it is a taunt to Pryce. I like the idea that these two interpretations can run alongside each other, reflecting the duality of the use of the DSSPPM that I talked about in relation to the liveshow.

Conclusion

The DSSPPM is a symbol of external rules imposed on people by those with power over them. These rules can be strange, arbitrary, and even sinister, but for those with a desire for certainty and control, like Minkowski, they can be tempting. And they can have their uses, as well as the potential to be repurposed. Attitudes towards these rules provide an effective shorthand as part of Minkowski and Eiffel’s characterisation. And the clash between these attitudes, and how that clash manifests, can tell us something about how the dynamic between those characters develops and changes.

[chuluoyi]

HAPPY MARRIAGE

- nanami kento x reader

“you don't deserve to be unhappy. and i don’t want to be unhappy, either.” you have always wondered where did you and kento go wrong. in the wake of your divorce, as you both returned to single lives, you and kento would come to realize what constitutes a happy marriage is... and it takes more than just love

genre/warnings: post-divorce angst, crack, misunderstandings, arguments, hurt/comfort, bestfriend!gojo is going to help your love life, and fluff in the end!

note: this fic... goes through a major change overnight after i was struck with a wholly different plot *sobs* and then i went through a major writing block for at least a week before i know what words i'm going to write :') anyways, this isn't really proofread so please forgive any typos to the anon who requested this and others, i do hope you'll enjoy it! tagging @tiredkitten as per request <3

listen to: today more than yesterday - kim jong kook

a part of 1K MILESTONE EVENT

general masterlist

No divorce ever comes easy.

When couples enter into marriage, they do so with the dream of a lifelong bond filled with love and compassion. You too did once. And even until now, you still want that for yourself.

When you married Nanami Kento three years ago, you thought it was for eternity. He was your dream man, the only man you could see yourself with. He embodied everything that was just and righteous, and he was also kind man, who would always put you first, shielding you from any sort of harm.

Even if the source of that ‘harm’ turned out to be himself.

“You don't deserve to be unhappy. and I don’t want to be unhappy, either.”

Strangely, you didn't resent Kento that much, in the end. At that time, both of you had come to terms with it and you couldn't blame anyone. But now, six months later, as you sat in this shabby bar, downing shots of gin with your thoughts swirling in an alcohol-induced haze, your emotions were all over the place, and moreover, the presence of a certain clown before you was just particularly irksome, and you knew that he was someone you could blame—

“Gojo, you prick!”

Gojo raised one righteous eyebrow. "Who, me? Sorry, but I'm not your ex-husband?"

Gojo Satoru was the witness to several milestone in your life. Insufferable as he was, somehow you clicked with him ever since your early days as a jujutsu sorcerer. You remembered sending him your handpicked wedding invitation, having him celebrating your promotions, and then coming to him with tears running down your face in the middle of the night, telling him, “We are getting a divorce.”

"You!" you snapped, slamming down your glass of gin, whipping your head around to face the blindfolded idiot that was your longtime friend. Your index finger accusingly aimed at him. "This is all your fault!"

"Wha—"

"Because of you!"

"Okay, now it's clear that you're just too far gone—"

You hiccupped, your tone laced with fiery emotion. "If it weren't for you—if you hadn't been so adamant about setting us up back then—!"

Gojo grimaced. Ah, so this was the so-called drunken musings. While it was amusing to see his friend of 7 years in this state, even he couldn't deny how a tad bit pitiful you were.

"...then maybe," you started to deflate, eyes watering and lips trembling, sniffling. "I-I won't have to go through this..."

Correction, you were so pitiful you had no idea. But still, as a longtime associate, he couldn't bring himself to abandon you there, wallowing in your sorrows all alone.

He sighed and patted your back. "There, there... what about I introduce you to other guys, hmm? See if it'll lessen the pain away?"

You shot him a look so hateful despite your bleary vision. "No! Last time you did, it ended in a divorce for me! I refuse to let you turn me into a two-time divorcee!"

"I'm pretty sure your marriage is far from my business, I'm just your kind-hearted, handsome broker—"

"Bah! You— tasteless prick!"

You burped loudly afterwards and Gojo winced, and then you suddenly (and theatrically, he might add) slumped face-down onto the table with a thud, passed out in all your drunken glory.

And Gojo could only stare at you in somewhat disbelief.

. . .

He thought then, that you were definitely going to owe him one after this.

More often than not, throughout the past six months, Nanami also found himself thinking about you too.

Despite his calm exterior, separation with you didn't come easy for him. There was a reason he married you in the first place—he had loved you, and he too wanted it to last. You used to be the reason he went home on time each and everyday, the reason he eagerly anticipated spending his weekends with.

Everything had fallen apart before either of you realized it. Some disagreements suddenly spiraled into lonely nights, no updates during longer missions, your tears, and then ended with both of you filing the papers in the city hall to end it all.

Six months ago, he thought he was final with his decision. He thought it was the best as he was faced with the sight of your tear-streaked face.

“Kento, I’m not asking m-much, am I?” you asked between sobs, wiping your tears harshly. “Aren’t w-we family? Shouldn’t we be doing a lot of things—together?”

Recalling that moment now, it tugged at his heartstrings anew. Yet, despite everything...

“I’m telling you, I know my limits—”

“Is that all you have to say? Don’t you know how sick with worry I am?” you ended up shouting at him, voice quivering. “Put yourself in my shoes and think: how can I possibly sleep at night, constantly fearing that my husband might—” your voice broke, fresh tears flowing freely. “—might not come back?!”

He was the one who backed away first, who made you lose all hope, and ultimately, placed the sentence upon you.

“If you don't have it in you to... then, perhaps it's for the best that we... just get a divorce.”

"Nanami-san, you okay?"

He looked up from the sizzling barbeque grill pan to his junior, Ino Takuma, who looked concerned as he flipped the meat. "You have been staring into space for a while..."

"I'm fine, Ino-kun." He looked down and grabbed the tongs, flipping his side of beef.

Ino let out a sympathetic sigh. "Honestly, lately, you seem down."

Words he was holding back were "ever since your divorce", but Ino was pretty sure his senior understood the implicaton.

Nanami hummed. "Sometimes life just doesn't go as swimmingly... I'm fine."

Ino never really knew you that well and was curious. In fact, he was so very curious. When it comes to Nanami Kento, everything he does and has done is always with justified and sound reason, but he might be biased because the 7:3 sorcerer was his role model.

It might verge on invading his privacy, but—

"They said... Gojo-san was your matchmaker back then?" he went through with the question anyway, testing the waters. "I don't mean to pry, but I just thought it's cute."

To Ino's surprise, Nanami's lips curled into a small smile. "It's fine, Ino-kun. I think it has become common knowledge by now. Yeah... he was."

"For you to have fallen for someone who was Gojo's acquaintance... it speaks volumes about how charming Y/N is."

"Mmm," he nodded slightly as he indulged in the grilled meat. "She is."

"Nanami-san." Okay, Ino was starting to think that he wouldn't be getting his point across if he went the roundabout way. He would shoot it straight then. "I don't mean to patronize you... but if you're really that miserable, then I think you should go back to her and talk things out, no?"

Nanami put down his chopsticks and let out a soft sigh, making Ino to immediately regret his blatant suggestion.

"Before arriving at such a difficult decision, of course we did try to discuss some things," he explained, his gaze meeting his calmly. "I don't take matters like divorce lightly, Ino-kun."

"But still... now—"

To drove the point home, Nanami chose to vocalize the conclusion that still left a bitter taste in his mouth to this day:

"She is unhappy with the way things are, and I have to come to terms with the fact that I can't provide what she needs."

Ino's gaze fell in dejection. "Nanami-san..."

Nanami chuckled fondly. “I appreciate your concern, Ino-kun. Thank you.”

In front of his junior, he could maintain composure and narrated the collapse of his own marriage as if he were a mere spectator. But in his heart of hearts, Nanami Kento wasn’t at all the stoic man he made everyone believed he was—the fact that he had failed to give you the life of happiness he promised on the day he proposed to you still stung him to this day.

It hurt him, but echoing your words, he couldn't subject you to a marriage that felt like a dull cohabitation with little understanding.

“We never really talk anymore, do we...? We never really work on our problems too. Kento, lately, I feel like... things have changed.”

Suppose what he had to do was letting you go now.

It was easier said than done, because when Nanami saw you the next day at the school—this being the first time in several weeks—he almost couldn’t keep his cool.

"Ichiji, don't be too stiff!" you slapped the poor guy in the back with a giggle. "It's just me, it's been a while!"

You didn't look much different than the last he saw you—still the chirpy self he unwittingly fell in love with, staying on top of the latest fashion trends and all. Yet, there was definitely something different about you, something he just couldn't quite identify...

And then those cheerfulness deflated when your gaze met his, eyes widening as you tried to get your bearings. "Oh—h-hi, Kento."

That's too forced. It was so unnatural that made him almost wince.

"Hello." But the tremble in his voice, too, betrayed him. "Have you been well?"

You shifted your gaze away from him, and right before you answered, you let out a cough, and that was when he spotted it: you looked kind of pale.

"I'm fine."

"Oh, that's good then."

Silence. This was the absolute worst.

Nanami exhaled. It was you he was talking to, his ex-wife. He knew you inside out—or at least, he used to. He knew you didn't like this dryness as much as he did. He had to say something.

He braved himself. "Are you here for a mission?"

You looked at him in slight surprise. "Oh... yeah."

Darn it. Another dry reply.

"There... is a cursed totem in North Tokyo," you elaborated, not really looking at him. "Gojo's out from tomorrow until next week. I'm substituting for him to assist the first years."

"Are you sure you're up for that?" Nanami found himself asking before he could stop. "I mean no disrespect, but you look a bit pale."

"I am," you snapped, leaving him surprised. It was as though he had unintentionally struck a nerve, quickly turning your mood sour. "I'm fully capable of handling this, Kento."

"Please, I don't mean to upset you. I'm just..."

Worried about you. Somehow his throat closed in, it didn't really feel right to say that now.

"—I know how rash you can be." He regretted his words as soon as they were out.

It was clearly a bad choice of words as you took offense, your expression quickly turned into one of disdain.

"How rich... that it's coming from you," you scowled.

Memories of your failed marriage flooded your mind's eye. The long nights your ex-husband didn't bother to leave you a message. How he would return home with wounds and blood staining his clothes. And now... he had the nerve to insinuate that you were the reckless one?

"I can take care of myse—"

"That's a whole load of bullshit!"

Good grief. Why must Gojo pick this exact scene to show up?

The blindfold took big strides and halted between the two of you, pointing one finger in your face.

“Last night, she got wasted. Like totally wasted! She could barely walk straight afterwards and then she had the audacity to blame me! Me! For all her mess! Goodness, I’m just a very chivalrous friend and yet—”

"Shut up!" you were horrified, face flushed with embarrassment. "Gojo, you complete jerk!"

Nanami wouldn't admit it, but there was always something between you and Gojo Satoru that made him a bit uncomfortable, even way back when the two of you were still married. Perhaps the closeness, the candidness you shared. He knew you wouldn't harbor anything for someone as elusive as Gojo Satoru, but still, it remained an uncomfortable sight for him.

Like there was nothing pleasant about knowing Gojo Satoru was the one taking care of you in your drunken stupor. You shouldn't have in the first place. If it were him, he wouldn't let you hurt yourself. If he were still the one by your side—

Despite himself, thoughts like that swirled in his mind far often than he would've liked.

Suddenly, the air felt stifling. Nanami didn't like this at all, and even as you two were still harmlessly bickering, he chose to leave.

"Oiii, Nanami!"

He had barely left the room when the person he disliked the most emerged from the door, following closely behind him. Gojo evidently knew what his thoughts were. As irritating as he was, the bloke was smart, he wasn't the strongest for nothing.

"Na-na-mi! You can't just leave like that! We're going to have lunch together—"

"Gojo-san," Nanami stopped in his tracks and let out an exasperated sigh, throwing the white-haired idiot a glare so hard it would curse him if only glares could. "Please stop bothering me."

“How cold-hearted,” the blindfold replied in a mocking scoff. “No matter how, she was once your wife. How could you not care one bit?”

“We have gone on our separate ways, and if she is good with the way things are, then so am I.”

What a lie. He still couldn't help but to care. If you ever needed his help in whatever way even now, he would still move heavens for you.

“And that’s where you’re wrong, Nanami,” Gojo suddenly interjected in a less playful manner. “She is really missing you, you know.”

But you had your best friend by your side, didn't you? Someone perfect, without equal. Surely, you wouldn't need him anymore.

Gojo raised an eyebrow. "How are you so sure that she's good with the way things are?"

"What exactly is she not good with?"

"Everything? You never ask her."

This was getting irritating, and before Nanami really lost control over himself, he finally drew a line.

"Gojo-san, I'm tired of people assuming things about our current relationship," he said, leveling a piercing look at him. "We are both adults. We reached the decision to separate because we both know why. If this is your way of showing concern, then thank you—but I'd prefer if you didn't interfere any further. We're handling this just fine, and by all means, I think people should stop associating us anymore."

With that, he left. Even when he wanted to stay longer with you, even when, in his wildest dreams, he wanted to rebuild everything with you again—

He knew you were there, hearing all of this.

Gojo clicked his tongue, clearly annoyed. "Grr... You're so stubborn..."

. . .

There was a reason why you went to the school. Yaga's sudden request and of course, the chance to see Nanami again.

But when your conversation ended in a bitter note and he walked away, a part of you plunged into instant panic, compelling you to eavesdrop on his conversation with Gojo.

But as expected from you cool ex-husband, he was all rationale and logic.

By all means, I think people should stop associating us anymore.

Nanami would think so, wouldn't he? And he wouldn't be bothered either.

You shouldn't have expected more. This was no television drama in which the couple would get back together that easily. You were living in the harsh reality of jujutsu world, which basically, was the cause of your divorce in the first place.

At one point, you found it all to be exhausting, but upon reflection, it was more painful to acknowledge that he never truly fought to keep you by his side.

Tears welled up in your eyes unbidden, and you walked away quickly, brushing them away.

This is it. There is no use hoping anymore.

If you weren't on missions, then you'd likely be drinking. This had been the undeniable truth over the past few weeks.

Gojo found both you and Nanami to be irritating. The way both of you would evade each other was just plain stupid by this point, since it was clear to anyone with eyes that you were still not over each other.

"Nanami! Why don't you join us for dinner tonight!"

And since you were such an irritable drunk, he chose to keep poking the easier target.

Nanami shot him a scathing look, definitely done. "I have a prior appointment. Goodbye."

"Hoh?! But! They'll have free drinks!"

For the life of him, Nanami just wanted to go back home. He had minus interest in free drinks and even less in Gojo himself, and he would make his points clear.

"For the last time, I'm telling you, I don't want any part in your—"

Ring! Ring! Ring!

"Ooh, wait a minute, Nanamin! I got a call!"

Nanami gritted his teeth in pure annoyance. He truly didn't care about his call and seized the chance to walk away quickly, eager to flee.

Until—

"Hello? Yes. Yes... what? Huh— Y/N is rushed to hospital?"

...and that caused him to halt abruptly. Suddenly, his entire body went rigid, as if he had been doused with a bucket of cold water.

You're hurt?

"I mean why—the hell? Severe bleeding?!" Gojo's voice dramatically rose, seemingly in surprise. "Whoa, uh, traffic accident?!"

Within seconds, everything as he knew it came to an end. He spun around, yanking the phone from Gojo's grasp, indifferent to whether it caught the latter off guard or not.

"Which hospital is this?" he demanded from the person on the other end, his voice rough and harsh. Suddenly, the fog in his mind dissipated, and he was consumed by panic.

"I'm sorry, sir, that's not—oh, it's Tokyo General Hospital—"

"Thank you." Nanami shoved the phone back to Gojo and broke into a sprint, in search of taxi.

At this moment, everything was a plethora of chaos—his surroundings melded into a blur, the constant honking of nearby vehicles echoed in his ears, and the relentless pounding in his chest threatened to overwhelm him. Nothing else held any significance. Nothing, except you.

Why did you get hurt? How did you even get into a traffic accident?

This was maddening. His world was falling apart hard and fast. The beginnings of heartbreak, stirring and churning in the depths of his stomach, once again threatened to drown him whole—

To others it may seem laughable that he was this shaken over an ex-wife, but precisely because you were his ex-wife was why he was running through the streets of Shibuya, opting not to take the cab as the traffic jam was at its peak.

Oh, how Nanami regretted it. He regretted a multitude of things; those long nights, silent treatments, your tears, divorcing you. If he could turn back the time, he'd do anything in his power to prevent that divorce from ever happening. He'd treasure you better, he'd make time for you more—

Because what if, now you were really slipping away from him for good? What if, he would never see you ever again?

Within minutes, he arrived at the said hospital, haggard, spooking the nurses, demanding your room number.

Thank heavens that the visiting hour wasn't over yet. He marched towards the said room, all of his logic and rationale flying out of window as he threw open the door.

And then he saw the pristine bed, IV drip, and you—

Sitting upright on the bed, turning a page of a magazine, your eyes widening and blinking at him in complete confusion—

Huh, what?

The last thing you would expect after waking up in the hospital was your ex-husband barging in unannounced, looking as though he'd just survived a whirlwind.

"Kento...?" you almost squeaked, taken aback at the sight.

His hair was a sweaty mess, his usually immaculate suit was crinkled and his tie was loosened, but it was the look in his eyes that grabbed your attention—as if expecting the worst.

“Are you alright?” he grounded out, approaching you in deliberately slow steps. “How long has it since you woke up?”

“Um... yes? Since about an hour or so.” You frowned. “Kento, what are you doing here?”

“They said you have severe bleeding, involved in an accident—”

“What! No! Did the hospital reach out to you?” you felt a bit uncomfortable at the thought. “I was sure I have removed you from my emergency contacts—”

“Gojo did—”

Suddenly, understanding dawned on him, and he cursed under his breath. “That rotten bastard!”

You blinked, unsure of what he meant at all. To his credit, Nanami didn’t dwell long on his thoughts and faced you once again with another fresh batch of confusion. “Wait, Gojo is your emergency contact? Why?”

“Should anything happen to me and a payment is required to settle it, he can handle the bills first?”

If Nanami didn’t look exasperated before then he sure did now. “Y/N… you…”

He released the deepest sigh imaginable before settling onto the sofa, further tousling his hair and removing his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose.

“Did you know I ran to get here because I thought something bad happened to you?” Nanami stated in a strained voice.

Why did your heart skip a beat? Why was Nanami suddenly playing the part of a concerned husband when the time for it has long passed?

Feeling suddenly irritated, you rolled your eyes. “I just passed out due to high blood pressure. It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?” his eyes squared on you, quiet anger behind them. “In what sense does you passing out ever ‘not a big deal’? What have you been doing?”

"Why does that even matter to you still?" you contested. "You were the one who said everyone should stop linking us together by now."

"Y/N, you're missing the—"

"You divorced me!" you screamed, tears threatening to spill from your eyes as the urge to cry threatened to consume you. "You... h-have divorced me, Nanami Kento!"

Nanami felt as if a blade had pierced and twisted his chest at the sight of you—your quivering form, the stifled sobs. He had never wished to see you in such despair again.

"So why!" you finally broke down and sobbed. "Why did you play the caring husband now? Why not before? Why do you keep toying with my feelings...?"

"I'm not." Nanami grunted, getting up and approaching your bed. "I never meant to. That was never my intention. I never—"

"Then what!? What are you doing? Why did you throw me out just like that and why now—"

"Believe me when I said that I never want you to be miserable!"

You halted mid-rant, eyes wide as you gazed at him. Blinking, you felt a tear roll down your cheek. It was the first time Nanami had ever raised his voice at you. Even in the past, he never had.

But suddenly, a sharp pain pierced through your abdomen, causing you to instinctively clutch it. You whimpered, a nearly involuntary squeak escaping you, feeling the intense burn inside.

Nanami immediately got a hold of your hunched form, alarmed. "What is it? What hurts?" When all you could manage were pained sniffles in response, he swiftly hit the nurses' button and enveloped you in his embrace.

"Hold on," he comforted, placing a hand over where you clutched your abdomen, trying to offer some relief in any way. "They'll be here soon, don't pass out!"

"Mmngh," you gripped his hand in response, squeezing it as you slumped into his chest. For the first time in six months, you were enveloped in his warmth once again, and despite everything that had transpired, you were deeply moved by his gesture.

It took seeing you in such distress to dispel any doubts Nanami may have had. You were so petite against him, so delicate as you squirmed amidst your tears.

Had you experienced pain like this in the past six months? The thought made his heart lurch. Did no one comfort you at all?

. . .

And that was when he decided it.

He never, ever wants to see you in any sort of pain, ever again. And should it happen, then he'll be the one staying by your side, just like this.

Alcoholic gastritis. You consumed so much alcohol that it irritated your ulcer and causes a really painful tummy ache.

You could feel Nanami's judging gaze on you as your attending doctor explained your predicament. Truth to be told, you were quite ashamed. Your unhealthy lifestyle were laid bare before your ex-husband and it made you feel like a kid being scolded for misbehaving.

After the doctor left, Nanami sighed and pulled out a chair next to your bed. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Yeah..." you mumbled, avoiding his eyes. "Sorry, that... you have to see that."

But thankfully, he was unflappable as ever. "Nothing to be sorry about. It's fine."

You were kind of embarrassed of your outburst earlier too. While you didn't regret expressing your feelings, you pondered if could've done it in a less confrontational way.

At this point, you'd accept anything. Even if Nanami told you off after this—

"Let me continue from what I was saying earlier," he suddenly began, catching your attention. You perked up, and looked at him expectantly.

Nanami released a deep sigh, and the words he spoke next were ones you never thought you'd hear from him again.

"Did you remember what I said when I proposed our divorce?" he asked, somewhat rhetorically. You wordlessly nodded, because it was one of the lines that made you unable to hate him completely.

"I said, you don't deserve to be unhappy." Nanami looked you right in the eyes, undaunted. "And that still stands until now."

Now fully engrossed in his words, the rhythm of your heart intensified, echoing in your chest.

"It wasn't a decision I blurted out lightly. I know you're hurt, because I am too. I married you with a reason. I have loved you. and if you were to ask me now, my answer would be the same—I am still in love with you."

Why did it feel like your vision was beginning to blur once more?

"But," Nanami's face contorted into a frown, gazing hard at you. "If staying with me is what makes you miserable—if waiting nights after nights, hoping I can make it each time haunts you so much—then I'm more than willing to release you from that burden. I don't want to subject you to that life."

Warm tears slid down your cheeks. Sniffling, you averted your gaze, looking downwards.

"Look, I make you cry again," he sighed, a mix of fondness and sadness in his voice, as a bitter smile graced his lips. One of his thumbs gently lifted your jaw, while the other tenderly wiped away your tears.

"Kento, I—" you quickly looked up, swallowing the lump in your throat. You had made up your mind. "I don't want you to leav—"

"I know," he cut in, his voice solemn, as he stroked your tear-streaked cheeks. "I know, and that's exactly why I'm going to say what I'm about to say next."

And with his next words, your heart burst into complete, utter warmth—

"Let's start over." Nanami Kento's voice was your lifeline, anchoring you and keeping you afloat. "We can take our time. There's no rush—we can return to how things were in the beginning. And when you're ready, then and only then... will I ask you to marry me again."

The one person who has your heart in his grasp, someone whom you are willing to care way more than yourself... You were openly sobbing now and yet a radiant smile broke through your tears.

There was only one answer you had in mind.

Five years later

"Yes! Yes! Yay!"

Today was sunny, just like the day of your wedding. Memories flooded back as you glanced at the grand wedding portrait in the foyer, a snapshot of yourself and your husband in blissful celebration.

A smile tugged at your lips as you stared at the gentle smile on Kento's face amidst his typically stiff posture. You remembered his vows to you.

The one person who I will look for the rest of my life... is you. I have never met someone so important and precious to me that it hurts.

The sound of a car pulling up snapped you out of your reverie. Oh, he's home.

As you opened the door, your smile grew even broader, until a small figure darted past you at such speed that you were left gawking.

"Daddy!" your daughter's voice rang out with pure delight, leaping into your husband's arms the moment he swung the car door open, catching him off guard.

"Oh my, why are you so sweaty?" Kento inquired, scrutinizing your daughter with a puzzled frown, yet holding her close. "I thought we're going to the playground after this?"

"She's so excited for it that she keeps running and jumping around all the while," you chimed in with a gentle sigh, affectionately ruffling your daughter's hair as she beamed up at both of you.

Before long, the three of you set off to the playground, fulfilling the promise you had made to your daughter. As she entertained herself with the slides, Kento's low chuckle drew your attention. "What's so funny?"

"She takes after you a lot, you know," he remarked, a fond smile on his face. "The way she is just full of energy."

"Really? But sometimes she'll get this wrinkly little scowl on her face when she's annoyed—she looks like you then."

"Wrinkly...? No, surely I don't have that many wrinkles yet..."

Your laughter filled the air, a testament to the joy found in these simple, everyday moments.

Unexpected moments of joy, the comfort of family, and a love that had grown and evolved, stronger and more resilient with time...

And this, is what you'd call a happy marriage.

[alesyira]

fruitless

super early draft, but i'm spending nano wordcount working on the accidental vigilante story. it's really neat to revisit something in a new way. this reads a bit like it could belong in the sweeter, softer cute-guy AU, but it won't stay that way for long. this content is probably going to be what part of the first chapter once i get enough of the series offering done & edited to start posting, but i want to share early even if this part isn't terribly exciting. Writing is writing and it's been way way way too long.

Fun fact, most of this was written with voice recognition, so if you notice some weird punctuation or typos, no you did not. I'll be sweeping for bugs before sharing on AO3. Thank you for reading!!

He turned down his mother's help to help find his new apartment. He'd already done so many things on his own (from the relative safety of his childhood home) that surely this low-stakes task is something he can accomplish given enough time and resources.

Maybe if he'd been pressed for faster turnaround, kicked out and wandering the streets with nowhere else to go, he might've been willing to accept an adult’s help navigating the strange world of leases and rentals and potentially shady (or dangerous) deals.

But no, he does some poking around online, asks his friends what they would do, and then does his best on his own. He tries a few places in person and is immediately turned away at the door. 

He should have figured. It’s not exactly safe to walk up to an unfamiliar building and ask to see available units. 

There’s been too much crime in the last few years for people to be very trusting of strangers. 

After that, he tries calling places before showing up. He gets similar results. No one is willing to meet with an unknown variable with a suspiciously nervous youthful voice and promises of enough cash to cover the first three months of rent.

He starts to get a little frustrated, but he runs his fingers through his hair and takes a deep breath as he leans against the glass wall at the local bus stop. He shouldn’t expect to find much in only one day of apartment searching.

He needs a mediator. A contractor. Someone who knows these people and can get him an in, or can at least take down his information and find a few willing parties to hear him out without assuming he’s going to rob them blind.

A local realtor’s office doesn’t seem very impressed by his youth, and even less impressed when he hands over one of his faked IDs. Foreigner, but at least it lists a quirk. He doesn’t want to think about what kinds of dismissal he’d see if he dared trying to apply for an apartment as a quirkless citizen. 

Their interest perks a little at his available budget, but he gets a firm denial within thirty minutes. 

Nothing available in the surrounding areas. 

He wilts a little. 

It’s fine. 

Probably. 

He can keep looking for something.

The realtor’s office isn’t completely cruel, though, and promises to put him on a waiting list. 

He jots down his phone number in the middle of a dusty page in an aging binder, feeling very little hope they’ll call him back.

He picks up a little pint of strawberry ice cream on his way home that afternoon, a little bummed that he’s had no luck. 

It’s not worth getting upset over one fruitless day of searching. 

He still has plenty of time to figure something out. 

The warm scents of home-cooked food greet him as he pushes open the front door. He only has one key on his keychain, so there’s nothing to jingle as he pockets it and kneels to remove his shoes with a little sigh. The door clicks quietly as he locks it, and his mother is waiting for him with a soft expression when he turns around. 

Sometimes it surprises him that she knows when he gets home even if he hasn't yet said a word. 

“Welcome home,” she murmurs, her keen gaze catching sight of his half-smile. “No luck, today?”

He shrugs and holds out the pint of ice cream.

Dinner is quiet, but by the time dessert rolls around he’s feeling a lot better. She refuses to let him help with the dishes, instead shooing him toward the living room to pick out a movie they can watch together. 

He selects a goofy pre-quirk spy flick and pauses it on the opening title, then opens his laptop to poke around on the forums until his mom joins him. 

His inbox has over a dozen unread messages. 

“Weird,” he mutters, clicking into them with cautious curiosity. The subject lines are usually the first indication of spam mail, but these are all well-written, and he quickly discovers they're advertisements for apartment offerings from all over the city.

Not spam.

But he doesn’t remember giving his email to the realtor’s office. He chews his lip as he thinks back through his day. When could he have-?

He absently skims the first message.

Amenities: Rooftop pool. State-of-the-art heroNet connection speeds.  

Izuku scoffs. Being out in the open, exposed to the elements and also anyone who might be flying/jumping/sneaking about overhead? Maybe before quirks that would have been nice, but not anymore. The heroNet connection claim sounds pretty good, but he doesn’t need speed as much as reliability, and his wireless setup can keep him running from nearly anywhere in the city. 

Amenities: One block away from the city library. Gorgeous floor-to-ceiling picture windows. Park within easy walking distance.

He pauses and purses his lips. The library is a little tempting, but he really has all the information he needs at his fingertips. And he likes looking out of big windows, but he doesn’t feel very safe around them. Curtains would be a necessity. Park close by is both a blessing and a curse, probably beautiful and very dangerous, unless that’s a more expensive part of the city that still retains some hero presence. (In which case, he probably can’t afford that apartment, anyways.) 

Amenities: Well-aged closed-circuit security system. Cafe on first floor, residents only.

Izuku’s finger hovers over the touch pad. This one sounds promising. Closed-circuit systems are notoriously difficult to get into without being on-site. And he likes cafes, especially ones that sound like he won’t have to worry about being surrounded by a lot of strangers. 

His mom joins him on the couch with a blanket and two cups of tea. 

He shuts his laptop with a bright grin, already feeling the hope welling up within him. 

The advertisements can wait until morning. 

With the clarity of morning and even more apartment offerings in his inbox, he starts thinking back to the day before. He’s certain he hadn’t written his email address on anything. He stares at the messages, tapping between them, searching the metadata for clues or patterns as his mind whirs through possibilities. Maybe his phone number is linked with his email address in some obscure database? 

He absently starts a search on his phone number in a background window to see how many hits he can generate before he returns to the advertisements. No other identifying information can be found within the messages, so he doesn't think it's been somehow linked with his name. All the messages come from different addresses, different systems, different networks. There doesn't seem to be a common thread between any of the sources. 

It's as if he's been added to some kind of housing mailing list.

The background window flickers to indicate the search has completed. 

No hits.

He breathes a little sigh of relief. That's one less thing to worry about. But still… 

Had he really handed out his email address and forgotten about it?

He absently taps his finger against a key.

He hates to think he's forgotten something that important, but he also hates to think that someone took one look at his face as he walked into the realtor's office and immediately knew how to reach him. 

(That seems nearly impossible, but quirks are capable of some nearly impossible stuff.)

there's more coming pretty soon as scenes sneak out of my notes and outline. <3 ily

[marvelingjules]

I'm sorry you're sick!! I hope you're feeling better soon and your kitty gives you lots of snuggles.

Bailey's been letting me sleep in which is the equivalent of undying devotion from him frankly - he takes his mealtimes very seriously, and normally he's right there to remind me that 7:30 is late for breakfast already. (I've slept in until 10 and 9:30 the past two days.) So he's being a very sweet and caring boy.... meanwhile, Honey's been Maximum Chaos Gremlin. She tore the screen on the bathroom window open last night at around 2:30am, making such a clatter in the process it woke me up and I checked on her in concern.

(However, as long as I am supervising at least a little, the two kitties are sharing the same space well! Not sure I'd trust leaving her out all night - she's learning the boundaries of 'no not on the counter' and 'don't even think about scratching that chair you have a perfectly good scratch post RIGHT THERE' - but progress!)

(Proof I'm sick - I keep making the most ridiculous typos in this message. Ooof. 'Progross'. SMH.)

It's been whatever cold/headcold is going around. No chest congestion thankfully, so if I'm lucky it won't migrate there for three weeks because my lungs are so sucky. lol. Mostly it's a dry/scratchy throat, headache, and major sinus congestion. Very mild fever. Been taking meds and resting the past couple days, and feel mostly over it today. A little stuffy but mostly a very dry nose, headache, and the throat is a tiny bit irritated but not like before. I'll probably try to nap again this afternoon, and take a sleep aid for tonight so I'm well rested for work tomorrow.

[anarchoredneck]

This is the first time I've ever seriously given Tumblr a chance. I'm typing on my phone, so I must apologize for any typos; my big 'squatch thumbs aren't built for writing on phones or tablet screens. I hope this will be a place to post thoughts and my ever-evolving philosophies on anarchy and life in general.

I'm not sure how to start, so I guess boring ass intro is the way to go. I live *somewhere* in the Deep South, but I won't tell you where. You'll have to figure it out :)

I don't feel like I'd fit perfectly in the socialist or communist categories of anarchy, but I do feel like looking out for each other, helping those that can't help themselves, and being good to each other is the "right" way to live. I also feel like hierarchies should be eliminated as much as possible. I feel like having unjust power and control over others is a negative, and it should be eliminated as much as possible. I believe people should be able to live as they wish as long as they aren't harming or stealing from someone else.

Yeah, these thoughts may be vague, but how precise and strict on a worldview should I be? Too vague and it's meaningless; too strict and it becomes limiting and authoritarian? What I want is freedom for me and everyone else. And I feel like the best way for me to spread that ideal is to be good to people, help when and where I can, and try to encourage others to do the same.

Anyway, I guess that's it for today. Hopefully I'll be back to post something better soon.

Be good to everyone you meet!

[mariyekos]

I'm currently working on 3 D*MC fics as my mind latches onto different plot points and different ways to explore a character, and man, I really hope I'll be able to finish at least one of these by next month.

First one is my time travel fic that is currently stalled because I'm paralyzed by trying to fix early parts in the story. Some of them I need to change because I didn't realize I'd missed something big/had messed up canon until much later, or because I thought of something good later in the story that required changing earlier parts in order to maintain continuity. There's also the issue of characterization. I have a bad habit of swinging too far to the extremes with emotions, so I'm trying to temper both the characters and the overall mood so things don't feel too crazy. This one's currently 76.3k words. I feel like it'll end around 90-100k. I might cut out a few thousand words and shove them in a different fic as part of the same series because they don't feel super relevant to the main story, but could be a cute aside.

Second one is a fic I feel like I probably won't finish, because I'm hitting the mood of it with fic three and it was the mood that made me want to write it. It's a post-D/MC3 fic about Dante fighting with the increased presence/power of his demon side post-awakening his Trigger. In my daily wordcount doc, my comment when I started it was "obsessive gore time" for some context. It's about feeling too big for your own skin, and the fight between the urges that feel right to half of you but are disgusting to the other half, and how Dante tried so navigate that. 4.6k words at the moment and probably halfway done.

Third is a fic adapting what I wrote in another post that I will hopefully link in a quick edit to this post. Short version is at the end of DMC1, Dante finds Vergil in hell and raises the Qliphoth himself to fix Vergil. This fic also goes into that sort of obsessive mindset, though in a different way. Fic two is Dante going "what is wrong with me?" while fic three is Dante going "there is nothing wrong with me! definitely not! everything is terrible and maybe I'm doing some morally questionable things but hey it'll work out and it's not that bad so it'll be fiiiine (it will not be fine and what he is doing is nor forgiveable, but he's so desperate to save Vergil and not kill his brother again that he's wearing rose tinted glasses as an excuse to avoid all the red flags)". I worked on it today so it's the one that has currently captured my brain. It's currently 3.6k words and nowhere near done. I'm thinking 15k for this one, but I'm really not sure.

Anyway! That's a little look at what I'm working on now. I also kind of want to go back and fix some characterization/writing in the one D*MC Dante & Lady fic I have published so I might do that... I usually don't edit published fics in any way other than fixing typos/weird grammar, but this one is bugging me so I just might. We'll see.

[thisismeracing]

Call it what you want | CL16

SOCIAL MEDIA AU

part.1 (All because I liked a boy)

― Pairing: Charles Leclerc x reader (she/her) ― Warnings: curse words, typos. ― Summary: After getting hate from half of the fans, Yn went silent for months. But she's back now, and she has something to say. ― A/n: None of the pictures used are mine, they are all from Pinterest and other apps. Everything else is made up by me, and I do not allow it to be published on a different platform. I would appreciate it if those things could be taken into consideration 💛

✷ my masterlist | my taglist | patreon masterlist ✷ you can support my writing by reblogging, leaving a comment (don’t forget to follow me if you like the piece), or buying me a coffee

itsyn

liked by dualipa, sabrinacarpenter, and others

itsyn “Call it what you want” is coming out tomorrow at 8pm EST! It's part of the Reputation album, and I'm happy to share this with you after so long away 🖤 I hope you guys like it!

comments on this post have been limited

ynnation the concept of two sides where both is her, but each person sees in a way. Yn you are a genius!!!!

taylorswift 🤍 can't wait!

sabrinacarpenter I am so ready for this!!!

selenagomez ���😍😍

zendaya I love youuuuu 💖💖

sza I see a hit comming 😜❤️

💌

🗞

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, selenagomez, and others

charles_leclerc miami week dump 🩵❤️

view all comments

carlossainz55 🤝❤️

hamiltons44 he’s soft launching, I am NOT okay!!!!

icuferrari three last pics are a soft launch, change my mind

⤷ smoothsainz explain 🧐

⤷ icuferrari this looks like yn's dog, second are kinda obvious, but adding that yn loves glittery shoes

raintyres Idk what you did to get out of that wave of bad luck, but keep doing it!

mickcedes yeah but charles.jpg when???

carlosleclerc I 😭happy 😭 for 😭 you 😭

swiftsainz in my head you’re dating me, and it will still be like this because I’ll pretend I didn't see this soft launch

itsyn

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itsyn he's terrible at drawing hearts ☹️

comments on this post have been limited

franciscac.gomes This white dress slays so harddd! Lindíssima! 😍😍

monzaraintyres THAT'S THE DOG CHARLES POSTED ISNT IT

sza 🩷🩷🩷🩷 you deserve so much happiness

ynfrance she’s so pretty 😩

charles_leclerc

liked by arthur_leclerc, carlossainz55, and others

charles_leclerc I have always told you that you were my favorite love, even if we were torn apart, because my love for you is something I have never been more sure of in my life. To this day I don't know how I managed to get someone like you, but I won't ever let you go again, ma chérie. Thank you for letting me into your life and embracing even the parts of me I don't love. You're my treasure. I loved you tomorrow, love you today, and I'll love you forever. Your Charlie.

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― ⋆🪩 VOICEMAIL: Hi, besties! I hope you guys like this piece! I did not plan on a second part, but since a lot of you asked for it I decided to provide hehe Don't forget to reblog and comment, and follow me if you liked this piece ❤️

taglist: @sachaa-ff @mickslover @mishaandthebrits @smiithys @iloveyou3000morgan @crimeshowjunkie @fdl305 @saintslewis @carojasmin2204 @chaoticevilbakugo @wondergirl101ks @f1kota @shhhchriss @lunnnix @karmabyfernando @schumacheer @crashingwavesofeuphoria @callsign-scully @v1naco @piggyinthesea @dearxcherry @peachiicherries @elliegrey2803 @he6rtshaker @therealcap @mehrmonga @the-depressed-fellow @cixrosie @darleneslane @buckybarnessweetheart @nichmeddar @f1-ln4-mv33-cl16-dr3-op81 @fastcarsandshit @goldenalbon @skepvids @balekanemohafe @jamie2305 @nzygftoji @leclercdream

comment tags: @bibissparkles @boherahpsody @christinabae @blue1amory @dakotali @1655clean @lovebittenbyevans @hockeyshmockey

©thisismeracing do not copy, steal, or translate my work. do not repost on a different media platform.

― reblogs, comments, and asks are extremely appreciated, make sure to leave yours ❤️ (anon option is on!)

⁕ my masterlist | my taglist here

[mindswriters]

pull the trigger — r.c.

Summary: since your family arrived the Outer Banks, your dad's been doing his job as a researcher oficer and chasing after Ward Cameron's dirty business. Rafe was Ward's puppet on a plan of making you fall in love with him, just so you could be used as an easy hostage to affect your dad. But when things get way too bad, would Rafe have the courage to hurt you just to impress his father?

Pairing: rafe cameron × female!reader

Warnings: language, typos probably cuz i didn't reviwed it, guns, violence, crying, mentions of killing and having sex (just once), this is angst and toxic af, but ends with fluff for the sake of fiction.

Word count: 3.4K

A/N: well shit, it's been a long time innit? i'm sorry for being MIA for what, 10 months? anyways, i'm going through a rafe fever and started writing this idea with no intention to post, but i liked the result so here i am :) hope you guys enjoy it and see ya again probably in another many months xx

##

When me and my family first arrived the Outer Banks, the Cameron’s were the first ones to welcome us. My dad has business all around North Carolina, what makes him an important figure in here, and that’s why Ward Cameron, the richest man on the island, invited us for lunch at his house in the first weekend we had here. I was fast in becoming friend with his daughters, mainly Sarah, knowing that she's just one year younger than me, but Wheezie is such a sweet girl too, in the first minutes of conversation they already explained me everything about the island in a very cool way. Now I know that there are the Pogues, people who live in the poor side, called The Cut, they're the working class. And there are us, the Kooks, rich people who live in the figure eight. Sarah was sure to firmly point that she thinks this whole pogue versus kook thing the stupidest thing ever, just like me.

And as if I would forget, Ward has a son too, his prodigal son Rafe Cameron. Everyone in the Outer Banks knows who Rafe Cameron is. The handsome, popular, dreaded troublemaker Kook Prince. I must admit that in the first moment, he wasn't very nice with me, but not too mean also, just indifferent. Giving me a couple stares from his sit at the opposite side of the table, not talking anything besides "hi", "yes", "no" and "bye". But things between us are really different now, since this "welcome lunch" was 7 months ago.

After that lunch I started to hang out a lot with Sarah, and her boyfriend Topper, who was Rafe's best friend, so of course me and Rafe started to talk more frequently. We used to spend whole afternoons chilling' at their house, playing games, around the pool, or simply doing nothing. But even though my reason for being there initially was my friendship with Sarah, it was inevitable that I'd end up getting sidetracked when she's with Topper, which I totally understand, after all they are boyfriend and girlfriend. But the good thing was that it resulted in a very close relationship between Rafe and I, we got to know each other better little by little, at first, he really could seem arrogant and moody, but today I can say that I know a side of Rafe that no one else knows, this is what made me fall in love with him.

After a couple months of friendship, then being friends with benefits while dealing with our feelings, we finally started a relationship. Surprisingly, Rafe was the first one to confess his feelings and ask if I would be his girlfriend, and of course I said yes. We've been dating for 3 months now, I won't lie and say that we have the perfect relationship, of course not, from time-to-time Rafe can be still a little temperamental and difficult to deal with when he's around other people, especially our families. I don't know why he acts like this, but I'm pretty sure that I have my own flaws too, so I can't blame him. And besides that, when we're together, having our time as a couple, it's the best thing in the world. Be it our bike rides around the island, the sunsets at the beach, our bedroom rendezvous where he always makes sure to make me feel like a goddess, and especially when we just stay up late at night venting to each other about anything and everything. In these moments I know that I love Rafe with my whole heart, and I can tell that he loves me too, I feel it, because as I said before, I'm sure that I'm the only one who got to know this real and human side of him.

Today I woke up to a partially clouded day, which was not that common at the Outer Banks, so I decided to stay at home and do some things I was planning to for a long time, like organizing and redecorating my room. I texted Rafe good morning, and we made a voice call while I was having breakfast, but soon he had to hang up because his dad wanted him at the office with urgency, we shared our lovey goodbyes and went to do our things. I need to admit that I get a little worried when Ward asks something urgent to Rafe, because I know that they don't have the best dad-son relationship ever, so I've sent another text to Rafe, around 12pm, just asking if everything was okay. I ate my lunch and did the dishes practically without taking my eyes off my phone, waiting for him to text back. But he didn't.

That fact that it was taking so long for him to reply me just made me more worried, afraid that something bad could've happened. So, to get rid of these thoughts, I figured I'd take a shower, to cool my mind off and try to fix in my brain that Rafe was just busy doing business things with his father. After a couple minutes I got off the shower and wrapping myself around a towel I went to my room, hopefully reaching for my phone when I heard the notification sound. It was finally Rafe. But as soon as I opened the text, my smile was replaced by a knot in my eyebrows. He ignored my question and just asked me to wait for him at a place that I didn't even knew that existed. Starting to get nervous in the exact moment, I just texted back saying that I'd be at the address he sent me in a few minutes. So made sure to put on my clothes and grab my things in the fast way possible, to rapidly drive to where Rafe wanted me to be.

I arrived the place in less than 15 minutes, it was quite close to the Marina but way more hidden, looked like a garage of old boats and yachts, that seemly no one frequented anymore. I confirmed the address on my phone to see if I wasn't in the wrong place, but no, Rafe wanted me here. So I sent him a quick 'I'm here' and he answered back with 'Give me 5 minutes'. I sighed trying to keep calm and left my car, entering the building through an open gate and made a bee line to the metal stairs, taking a seat in one of the steps and pretending that the place didn't gave me chills. Luckily, I didn't have to wait too much time before I heard Rafe's bike outside, I quickly got up and went to meet him halfway on the garage.

When Rafe came into my sight, I instantly knew that he wasn't okay. He was sweaty, hair disheveled, heavy breathing, arms exaggeratedly flexing, almost like he didn't know what to do with his own body. And the worse of all, he refused to look directly at me.

"Rafe, baby, what happened? Are you okay?" I asked getting closer and trying to reach for him, just to see him take two steps back, running his hands through his hair and staring at the ground.

"Yes, Y/N, I- I'm fine, okay?" he stuttered aggressively. Y/N, he never calls me Y/N, it's always 'babe', or 'princess', even when he's mad at me.

"Rafe, look at you, you're not okay baby. Would you please tell me what happened?" I tried one more time, the worried tone was clear in my voice.

"Your dad happened." he mumbled after a long sigh, hands running through his face this time.

"Baby, I can't understand, what was that?" I asked kindly trying to approach him again, but he was faster in taking an angry step forward.

"Your dad, Y/N, that’s what fucking happened." he said firmly through gritted teeth, making you frown.

"My dad? What are you talking about?" you shook your head in confusion.

"Yeah, I figured you wouldn't know what I'm talking about." he chuckled darkly, putting his fists on his on waist "But well, you should, I mean, is your right to know that every morning when your loving daddy leaves your house, he's planning a new way of fucking with my dad's business."

"What the fuck Rafe, what are you trying to say?" at this point I couldn't even control myself anymore, my nerves getting the best of me.

"You remember that night, when I told you that someone was trying to mess with my dad's business?" he asked nervously looking at me for the first time since he entered this place.

"Yeah." I gulped staring back at him.

"Well, that's your beloved daddy, sweetheart." he said making you frown harder and shook your head "Yeah, since you and your perfect little family arrived the Outer Banks, your dad is moving mountains to get in the way of my dad's business, when he has literally nothing to do with that."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I took a step back, my hands trembling and my heart beating fast. At this point I was half angry and half scared of the look in Rafe's eyes.

"I'm telling you that what we do is dirty job, Y/N, we're involved in some real bad shit, okay? And for a while your dad's being our biggest problem." he said angrily, turning his back from me.

"If you guys really do all this dirty shit, then my dad is just doing his job! And seriously Rafe? 'We do'? I thought you had promised me that you weren't working with your dad!" I retorted in the same tone as him, remembering the nights where he talked about the wrong things his dad does and I asked for him to stay away of it.

"But I am, Y/N. I am because my dad trusts me, and one day I'm gonna be as powerful as he is, have this whole island in the palm of my hand. And don't you think that you're not involved in this shit too, of course you are. As soon as my dad discovered the big law defensor that was trying to screw him was your dad, he knew that the only way of getting him out of our way was through you." he pointed at me biting his lip, I couldn't even tell what he was feeling right now, it was just too much for me.

"No- that’s not- Why are you doing this?" I tried to stay defensive, but it was practically impossible, I was so confused, and angry, the world seemed to be falling around me in this moment.

"You keep trying to defend your dad, saying that is his job, but if he was really smart, he would've never let me have you, he just needed to think a little more to know that having you around my family was always our strongest weapon against him. Why do you think I asked you to be my girlfriend, huh?" he said sarcastically, breaking my heart, but I could see the hurt in his eyes too.

"That's not you." I whispered with watering eyes looking directly at him, and when he refused to look back at me, a big wave of anger hit my brain and body "Fuck Rafe! Tell me what the hell is going on and why are you acting like this? It seems like you've been snorting again! That's it, right? You're doing coke again, aren't you? Even after all the shit I did to get you through it, you're still a mother fucking crackh-" I started yelling at him with so much anger that I didn't imagined what his next move would be. I just figured it out when I felt his hand gripping my throat tightly.

"You shut up! Shut up, okay?" he yelled at your face "If you really want to know, yes, I've been snorting again. But because it was the only way I'd get to do what I have to do." he stepped forward making me stumble until my body was trapped between him and the wall.

"Rafe you're scaring me... W- What do you have to do?" I managed to ask, my lips were quivering while I did my best to hold my tears.

"Fuck, I'm sorry" he mumbled under his breath, and I couldn't even hear what he said, just when I was about to speak again, I felt him move abruptly and something cold touch my temple.

"Rafe? Baby, what is that?" I started crying, I knew it was a gun, but refused to believe and to look at it.

"Dammit Y/N, we warned him! He knew that if he kept chasing us, we'd fucking kill you! And he didn't stop! It's your dad's fault!" he said breathing heavily, I could see the sweat in his temples and the sad look in his eyes, and could also feel that the gun was unsteady, almost like he was shaking in fear, just like me.

"Rafe..." I pleaded looking at him with wet eyes and cheeks strained with tears.

"Don't look at me like that. My dad wants me to do it. He trusted me to do it. I have to." he said nodding his head, trying to believe his own words, what made my heartbreak even more painful.

"You can't do it Rafe, not to me. Not after everything we had together. You know you can't. You're just trying to impress your father, because you think that if you do what he asks, he's gonna trust you, or love you more. But he won't Rafe. Not as much as I do. And I know you love me too, Rafey, I see it in your eyes. So please, he's just using you-" I said calmly, trying to convince him and seeing him look away from me with his lips trembling and blinking his eyes to get rid of his tears. "Rafe, plea-"

"Shut up! I told you to shut the fuck up!" he didn't let me finish the sentence, yelling with his unsteady voice and pressing the gun harder against my head "You don't know what you're talking about. I need to do it, or he's never gonna trust me again. I'm gonna prove him I can do it." he said through gritted teeth, hand shaking around my throat.

In this moment I knew I had two options, I could just keep pleading for his mercy, or I could trust him. Give him what he wanted. Rafe needed to know that someone trusted him, loved him. He never felt that before. And I knew that it was worth the try, for all the moments we had together, when he vented to me, and I pretended I wasn't feeling the tears that fell over my thighs while his head rested on my lap. Or when he whispered that he loved me because he thought I was already sleeping. I still believe him. So, I just took a deep breath and decided to trust him with all my life, literally.

"You know what? Do it." I simply said, closing my eyes and unintentionally holding my breath "If that's what you wanna do, then do it. I trust you."

"Y/N- I- What are you saying?" he stuttered confused, starting to lose his grip on the gun, but even with my eyes closed I was fast in grabbing his wrist, making him press it on my temple again.

"Just do it Rafe! Pull the fucking trigger!" I ordered firmly through gritted teeth, squeezing my eyes shut and hoping that he would do what I expected, but also shaking in fear with the little chance of getting killed by the man I love.

"Dammit" he whispered, and I could feel and even hear his desperate breath against my face, the gun was trembling in my skin and I was just waiting for him to shoot it, but suddenly the pressure in my head was gone "Fuck, I can't Y/N, I can't" I heard the gun hit the ground and Rafe's first sobs.

"I know, Rafe, I know" I started sobbing too, feeling his head fall oved my shoulder and immediately throwing my arms around his neck to hold him tightly.

"I'm sorry, baby, I'm so sorry" he tried to lift his head up and look at me, but it just made him cry more, hiding his face on the crock of my neck again "I love you, I would never... fuck I'm so sorry" he cried.

"I love you too baby, that’s why I trusted you, okay? We're okay now" I grabbed his face in my trembling hands, nodding and looking at him with a warm and wet smile.

"No, no you shouldn't" he sniffled shaking his head, making me lose my grip on his face, what he took as a chance to reach the stairs and sit on the second step "Y/N I tried to kill you! You can't say you love me after what I did, I fucked up again" he protested bringing his legs closer to bury his head between his knees.

"Don't you say that, okay?" I rapidly reached for him, taking my seat beside his body and hugging him close "I know you would never hurt me. It was just your dad getting on your head, like he always does. He likes to see you weak. You thought his intention was to use me against my dad, but he was using both of us. Please tell me you understand that baby." I whispered while resting my chin on his shoulder.

"I just wanted to be a good son, you know. I wanted my dad to trust me, to love me like your dad loves you." he finally looked at me, lips quivering hard from crying.

"You are a good son, Rafey. You'd do anything to see your dad get what he wants, and to save him. The problem is that he doesn’t deserve it. Ward doesn't deserve to have a son like you." I affirmed using my cold hands to wipe away the tears running down his face.

"I'm sorry for scaring you, for holding that shit against your head." he pouted holding my hand "He said he would reward me if I did it, I tried to tell him I couldn't but then he said he loved me. The first time since I was a kid that I heard those three words from my dad's mouth. And it was fake."

"I'm really sorry for you baby, but it was. And I need you to understand that, I know he's your father, and you just want him to love you, but you can't keep doing it. It's destroying you, and you don't deserve it." I said pressing my forehead head against his, tight grip in our hands.

"I love you, fuck I love you so bad, please don't ever leave me, you're everything I have." he sobbed before linking our lips together in a loving kiss.

"I won't baby, I would never. I love you more than anything, okay?" I assured him pecking his lips and caressing his face.

"'Kay." he hiccupped nodding his head, I let him take a deep breath before catching his lips in another kiss.

"I can't go home. I don't know if I want to see him ever again." he sniffled after we broke the kiss, wiping his own nose and cheeks.

"My family has a house for rent here at the island, there's only one bed, the kitchen and bathroom furniture, but I think that's enough for us to stay there for a while." I suggested while tying my messy hair in a loosely bun.

"Baby, it's your family's house, they wouldn't want me there. Besides, what do you mean 'us'? I'm not gonna let you leave your house to live with me." he frowned looking at me.

"We don't have to tell them, at least not today. And I'm not telling that I'm gonna totally leave my house, but I mean, why would I not want to make company for my boyfriend living alone in that big ass house, huh?" I gave him a side smile biting my inner cheek.

"Yeah, come to think of it, it's not a bad idea." he smiled kissing me again, this time without any tears between our cheeks.

Is really weird and even wrong to think that, but somehow, I'm grateful that Ward asked Rafe to kill me. If it wasn't that, maybe he would spend his whole life blinded by his dad's false words. And today was only the first step of me saving my boyfriend from that horrible man. From today on, it's gonna be only us in our happy ever after.

old days taglist: @blueflame2778 @outerbongs @maybebanks @lolpineapples @k-k0129 @dani-c20 @jjsmaybcnk @wicked-laugh @wallflowercal @obx-pouges @alwaysasadaesthetic @marvel-ousnesss @ifilwtmfc @iateamoth @raekenliar @voguesir @angelicbabybutterfly @itsagurl @ofmaybankheart @valelozada @Mlang00 @dlvvrx (10 months later some of you guys probably changed usernames, don't blame ya tho)

hope you guys liked it :) i spent a whole lot of time without writing anything, so it'd be nice to have some feedback <3

[amethystina]

hope you are well

(A bit of an overshare incoming, TW death of a family member)

I'm managing :) Still coughing some from when I got sick over two weeks ago, but it has FINALLY reached the point where I don't get concerned looks from everyone around me, so that's something?

The long covid is still there as well, but it seems slightly better than it did earlier this year, so yay? Progress?

But, on the OTHER hand, my current employment ends on May 31st, so that's a bit of a bummer — the house mortgage won't pay itself. But I've got my sights on a job at the same place where I currently work, so let's keep our fingers crossed!

I've also regained my bearings somewhat after my grandmother died. Her death isn't something I've actually mentioned publicly before. Partly because I'm a pretty private person and also because our relationship wasn't the best. I loved her in my own way, but she caused a lot of the trauma I carry today, so it's still, well, complicated. I'm sad but maybe not grieving as much as I would have if we'd had a better relationship.

To those of you who read Who Holds the Devil, that's why chapter 14 took so long. I spent a weekend sitting vigil by my grandmother's deathbed in between chapter 13 and 14 and got sick right after due to my long covid flaring up. I actually tried to write during the days I spent at her bedside but YIKES was that a bad idea. What I wrote was barely coherent. So, note to self: don't try to write fanfics when you're waiting for a loved one to die.

And, in hindsight, posting chapter 15 the day after her funeral might also have been a pretty bad idea, since I've had to go back and fix a lot of typos and weird sentences in that chapter. So another note to self, I guess.

(I admit I'm tempted to make a Yo Han related joke right now. Something like: "Look at me, hiding the death of my grandmother like Yo Han hides gunshot wounds from Ga On." Would that be morbid of me? Probably. But they say that dark humour is a coping mechanism so EH)

Long story short, life's been rough, but I'm managing. I'm a stubborn bastard x'D

Thank you so much for asking <3

[trobed303]

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

For Trobed week, organised by @trobedzone. I started writing this on my break at work (on a wake-night) and finished it in a exhaustion-fueled delirium on the way home from said wake-night so please excuse how bad it is or any typos but I really wanted to participate. Thanks so much for tagging me!

I would put this under a read more so it wasn't clogging up people's dash but idk how to do that on mobile so I've tagged it #long post. Feel free to block the tag if you don't want to see this.

-------

"... So it's a prequel, but it's actually set ten years after the first Kickpuncher."

"So how is it a prequel if its after the first one? Won't it just be a sequel?"

"Well, my theory is that Kickpuncher's love interest is actually from the future and travelled back in time in the original movie in order to make sure the events of the first Kickpuncher happen, and the prequel is why."

"Sounds stupid. I'm in."

Abed's lips quirked up in a small smile, and he turned to his right where Troy had been walking beside him, holding one hand out and one to his chest in preparation for their special high five. But Troy wasn't there anymore. Abed's smile turned to a frown as he looked around, but he couldn't see any sign of the yellow sweater Troy was wearing today, despite how easy it should have been for him to pick the colour out amongst the other students around him.

He saw a flash of yellow, but before he could take a step towards it he realised it was just a girl in a yellow t-shirt.

He tried to listen for Troy's voice, but there were a lot of students around. It was between lesson times after all and the crowd was moving in all different directions as students weaved between each other to get to their next classes. And they were all having their own conversation about all sorts of different thing.

"She said she was going to Ralph's tomorrow but Ralph said--"

"I have no idea, I swear I haven't learned a thing all semest--"

"My dad is going to kill me if he sees how much I spent on--"

"Why are you being so snappy toda--"

"Did you see the new episode? It was awesome!"

"Are we going to Starbucks after cla--" 

Abed winced as all the sounds of conversations and squeaky shoes on hard floors seemed to get louder and louder, the students around him seemed to be closing in more, leaving him with no space around him and leading to a few bumping into him now that he was no longer moving with them. He tried to take a few deep breaths, but he already knew that logically he was too overwhelmed for that to work.

Abed focused his attention on the notice board on the wall opposite him, then quickly made his way over to it, hoping to just pretend to look at the board until either Troy found him or the hallway empties enough for him to catch his breath.

It had a flyer for a new dance the Dean was putting on, but he couldn't quite make out what excuse the Dean had come up with this time. There were also flyers for extracurricular activities like lessons for several different musical instruments. There were also posters for dance lessons, acting classes, a sign-up sheet for the school play and another one for Glee Club. Abed couldn't make out the other papers taped and stapled to the board. They were all too brightly coloured and loud.

This isn't helping.

Instead, Abed turned so his back was against the wall and sunk down until he was sat on the floor with his head on his knees and his arms wrapped around them. It was easy like this to block his ears with his biceps, keep his eyes closed, and make himself as small as possible in the hopes that people stopped banging into him.

He wondered where Troy was again. It was always easier walking through the crowds with Troy because they had the best conversation, about topics that actually interested Abed. It was easy to just focus on that - focus on Troy - and not the hundreds of other people at this school who all seemed to have classes in 50 different directions with every route starting from this one hallway.

Just another three minutes, then everyone will be in class. Abed thought to himself as he rocked slightly in an attempt to soothe himself. He thought about trying to stand and power through the overstimulation, to at least get outside, but he would have to see everyone and his dad said it was too weird to walk around with his hands over his ears so he'd have to hear them all too, and it was all just too much.

Abed rarely cried, but when he was overwhelmed his eyes would sometimes well up, even if Abed didn't understand what good it would do. It happened now, and Abed buried his head deeper against his knees in the hopes that no one would notice. He could still hear the mean kids from his high school teasing him about it.

"Look! The alien's leaking!" Brent would laugh, pointing at the tear tracks down Abed's face.

"Its trying to mimick a sad human to make us feel sorry for it so we'll let our guard down!" One of Brent's lackeys would pipe up. Abed didn't care enough to remember his name. It didn't matter anyway, none or the others had personalities of their own, they were all just extentions of Brent.

He wondered if Troy was like Brent in high school. He knew Troy was a jock, and he wasn't as thoughtful and sweet as he is now, but was he bad enough that he would have called Abed an alien because he didn't understand social cues? Would he make fun of him for crying just because daily life was sometimes too much?

"Abed?" He heard a voice above him say; Troy's voice.

Looks like he was going to find out. This was the first time Troy had seen him this overwhelmed, and Abed found his breath halting as he realised the significance. If he looked up and Troy saw him crying, and the other laughed, Abed wasn't sure they could still be friends. At least not as close as they were. There would always be a small part of Abed that would be worried Troy will judge him or laugh at him for his neurodivergency.

So he kept his head down and tried to discreetly wipe his eyes on the sleeve of his hoodie. Troy was his first real friend, and he wasn't ready to have that shattered yet.

Before he could deem his face dry enough to face looking up at his first and only best friend, he heard Troy's sneaker squeak slightly against the lino as he pivoted. For a moment he thought Troy had gotten sick of waiting for him to answer and was going to walk off, but instead Abed heard his backpack hit the floor - it wasn't a harsh sound, Abed knew Troy only kept a cushion in there for when he wanted to take a nap somewhere - then felt Troy drop too, to sit on the ground beside Abed. Not close enough to touch him, but close enough that he could feel Troy's body heat gently warm his right side.

"Abed? Are you okay?" Troy asked quietly, and though Abed will always be the first to admit he's not great at picking up tone, he was pretty sure he heard concern in Troy's words.

"Where'd you go?" He asked quietly.

"Just to the vending machine... What's wrong?"

"Too much..." Abed mumbled, hoping Troy would understand but not really expecting him to. In fact, he was already trying to come up with a way to explain what he meant in a way Troy would understand, but his mind felt fuzzy, like TV static, and he wasn't sure how to phrase it right.

He didn't have to though. Troy didn't ask about it.

"You think you can get to class?" He asked instead. "You know what Senior Chang is like when someone's late."

Abed picked his head up. The hallways were a little less crowded, but it was still loud and too much. He dropped his head again and shook it against his knees to indicate that, no, he didn't think he could get to class.

"Is it because there's too much going on?" Troy asked quietly, like he didn't want anyone to overhear, and Abed was grateful for that. He nodded against his knees.

Troy was quiet for a moment, and the only thing that stopped him from having to look up and make sure he was still there was the warmth he could still feel radiating from Troy's arm where it was barely an inch from Abed's. Troy fidgeted a little beside him, and Abed was about to tell him to just get himself to class so Chang wouldn't be mad at him, that Abed could handle the consequences alone, but Troy spoke again before he could.

"You were okay a minute ago... What happened? Did someone say something to you?" He asked quietly, but there was a bite in his voice.

"Are you mad?" He mumbled.

"At you? No." Troy assured him. "But if someone said something to make you sad I'm mad at them. Who was it?"

Abed shook his head a little and curled into himself tighter. "No one said anything."

"Then what happened?"

"You were gone." Abed answered before the voice in his head that sounded a little too much like his father could tell him to stop, that he was being too clingy and Troy was going to get creeped out and stop spending time with him.

He had already started now, so he figured he may as well explain himself.

"Its easier... with you. Because we talk and I can just focus on our conversation and follow what you do. I don't have to look around because people always move out of your way anyway and if I'm next to you they move for me too. But then you were gone and I noticed how many people there were and I could hear all of them talking at once and..." He was over explaining, he knew that, so he made himself stop before he could embarrass himself in front of Troy any worse.

"So... Walking with me helps?" Troy asked, and Abed nodded again.

He felt Troy shift again and winced when he heard Troy stand up and pick up his backpack again, assuming he was going to just leave him there.

"Come on, buddy." Troy prompted gently from in front of him, and Abed picked his head up. The first thing he saw was Troy's hand, palm up, held out for him to take. His eyes trailed from his hand up his arm covered by that baggy thin sweater, then finally up to his face. He was smiling a little, but his brow was also pinched, like it was a sad smile.

Abed took his hand and allowed Troy to gently pull him up from the floor. As soon as he was upright Abed looked around again and let out a sound he could only accurately describe as a small whimper. The hallway wasn't clear enough yet.

"Its going to be okay, I'm right here." Troy promised, not yet letting go of Abed's hand. "Don't look around, I'll lead you."

Abed dragged his attention away from the people around them and instead focused on Troy's face. His smile looked more happy now, the crease between his eyebrows gone and his bright white teeth showing.

"So why do you think she needs to go to the past to make sure Kickpuncher 1 happens?"

It took a moment for Abed to remember what Troy was referring to, but when he did, he went into a complicated explanation about the antagonist's great grandson and how he would be able to change the past using the technology his grandfather had started working on before Kickpuncher killed him in the first movie.

By the time he'd finished explaining it and gotten on "Ohhh.... That actually sounds kinda cool." from Troy, he was being nudged into his seat in Spanish class.

Troy kept hold of his hand for another moment while Abed looked around and processed where they were, waiting for Abed to let go first. Once he did, Troy gave him another smile and walked to his own seat, managing to sit down just a second before Chang entered the room.

It became a habit after that. Troy would hold Abed's hand in busy hallways and talk to him about whatever Abed wanted.

It helped.

But repeating Troy's words in his head helped more.

"It's going to be okay, I'm right here."

[artjungwon]

purple sky ⭞ yedam

bang yedam x gn!reader

very lowkey angst??? but overall FLUFF

requested by anon: "Hi I would like to request a yedam fluff where we just chill and watch him create music 😌" thank u for requesting <3

song recommendation: purple sky by bang yedam (unreleased)

even if you were dating yedam for while now, you couldn't help being amazed by his artistry. it felt like he found inspiration in every single thing surrounding him

whenever he invited you at his studio you felt like you were disturbing him but yedam insisted that you were actually very helpful just by sitting there

today was no different, except for the fact that he was sitting in front of his computer looking very frustrated, running his hand in his hair

"let's take a break before you rip all of your hair off"

he sighed sitting next to you, his head on your shoulder

"i'm sorry for making you wait, i really wanted to finish the song today"

"it's fine, i like watching you produce but you shouldn't overwork yourself though"

"i know baby i'm sorry"

"stop apologizing, i know you're just really passionate about music" you reassured him running your hand through his hair

yedam felt like the luckiest man ever in this moment. everything about you made him feel feelings he never felt before; your eyes, your lips, your scent, your hands, you. he really found himself inspired by your presence. you were his muse

you looked at him with surprised eyes when he suddenly stood up

"i think i know what's missing to the song, it won't take long i promise"

you watched yedam as he put his headphones on and started working on his song while recording bits of vocals here and there

after some time he turned to face you with his beautiful signature smile

"wanna take a listen?"

you gladly accepted and sat down next him while he put the headphones on your ears

"girl you should know that i want you that i love you"

you could tell the song was amazing just from the first second and you just wanted to hear more of it

"hyeonsireul hamkkehae haewa manhae salgaehe" [let's spend the reality together, let's live together]

yedam watched your expressions carefully as the song ended, excited to hear your opinion

"i think this is the best song i've ever heard in my life, no jokes"

saying you were proud of yedam and his accomplishments as an artist would be an understatement, you were genuinely amazed by his talent

slowly approaching his face from yours, your boyfriend answered your compliment with a kiss that made you feel a thousand butterflies in your stomach

yedam felt like the luckiest man ever having you right by his side when he needed you the most, and you felt the exact same

✉💗 i'm sorry for posting it so late anon :( i hope you liked it nonetheless,, i had a writer block for a while and tumblr deleted all my work (i hate it here sjsjjskwl) i hope you'll all like my first treasure work :D sorry for the typos/grammar mistakes :(

[anondudeao3]

I am ever so sorry for the late post today. I prefer to post earlier so more people can actually see it, since most of my viewers are in the western world. But, alas, AO3 decided to be a massive bitch with the formatting, and it took several hours to sort out properly. My apologies as well to any of the hundred or so people who read it before I could fix it and had a sub-optimal experience. Fucker forced me to do the entire thing in html, for a nearly 12k fic, which required loads of specific formatting and also combing through for all the junk html it randomly inserts in sometimes which is exactly what fucked it all up in the first place. Ugh. But it's fine now.

Mostly. For whatever reason it won't space right between the text message name and the first message if it begins right-aligned and I DON'T KNOW WHY because it's exactly the same and no matter what I do it won't fix it, and I spent an additional hour trying to fix that (an hour because ao3, like I said, although I love the site overall, can be a little cunt, and will randomly add in the most STUPID bits of html without you doing ANYTHING the moment you press edit, and will fuck up all your formatting. Which usually isnt such a problem, it's just a bit of spacing you need to look out for and fix. But when you have a lot of blockquotes, especially if they're longer bits, and especially if it's a longer story overall...ohhh my gods. You have to redo nearly everything. And there was no point!!! Because I couldn't even fix the spacing! It's whatever though, it's fine, I'm done messing with it. I hope there are no egregious typos I somehow missed on my previous edits, because I am not touching that fucker again).

—

Edit: 18 Sept. 2022

I DID have to fuck with it again, because the spacing on a few of the texts was fucked up. But! That meant I finally figured out how to get the headers spaced properly when the texts started right aligned. It was the fucking centre alignment that was fucking with it. But once I moved the </p> after the </div>(ending of the centre alignment), it FINALLY actually did what it was supposed to. For some reason it's no problem if left aligned text follows it, but right aligned...nope. Guessing the same problem would happen if I tried to follow right aligned text with centre aligned text, because they're both special alignments and left is the default so that must be what's fucking with it somehow. I still don't really see how, but whatever.

The rest of the fic is good now as well. Did a readthrough and saw no more editing errors. So if I do in the future, some real fuckshit is going on. I swear I checked after every edit, so I should have seen the fucked up texts before, so I'm suspicious, but I also don't see how it could have changed without me editing it.

[ambivartence]

uuuuuuummmmm i heard bias loving hours 👀👀

soo i was debating between doing one for hyunjinnie or shua but celebrating the release of oddinary-- it's jinnie ( no promises that you won't find another ask bout me rambling about josh tho ;))

fav thing about them : HIS. SMILE. like look at this precious smile and tell me you don't feel all warm and fuzzy ?! the way his eyes don't curve like a 'c' but but they do curve-- also his laugh. the familiar ring of his laughter during their promotion videos is just *gestures* ALSO(2) how warm he is with stays but doesn't hesitate to pull our legs-- JUST UGH. STOP MAKING ME FEEL THINGS. IM SORRY BUT ALSO, HIS NOSE SCRUNCHES. his nose scrunches.

the moment you knew they were your bias: the when the party is over dance cover. i felt something during that and I don't think I'll ever be able to express that properly. there was something so raw about that particular performance, i couldn't help but look at him in awe while also feel good about the chills it gave me ( i dont find goosebumps and chills very pleasant )

fav looks on them: curly bangs, long hair jinnie, the glasses picture is ICONIC, untucked button up shirts that just sway along with his moves, autumn colours AND UM SUITS.

fav verse or choreo: the jump during back door ( couldn't find a gif sorry), the SLIGHT head tilt during the back door chorus, the entire when the party's over cover choreo, idk what it's officially called but yk the part after "I'm sorry I'm dirty ratatatatata" part in thunderous? the move right after that has affects me like no other. coming to raps and singing: the miroh rap duet thingy with changbin, all of his parts in get cool, the "ne sonim" part literally has me on a chokehold. literally all his singing and rapping parts are amazing but I'll stop here.

your wish for them: i hope he gets to do what he loves without feeling the burden of the pressure to act according to his "image" and I'd love to see more of producer, song-writer hyunjin 👀

anything about them: this is more about me lol but I swear, no one ever has affected me like hyunjin does. i dont have a crush or anything but the admiration i have for him couldn't compare to anything i feel for anyone. what i feel for stray kids as a whole, i dont feel for any other group but hyunjin-- this man just makes me feel things so deeply whether it's the emotions through his dance or the firey passion through his raps. maniac hyunjin during the bridge and the second chorus will forever remain in my head from today.

did you listen to their album? if so, thoughts? 👀

it's soooooo sad that I can add only 10 pics but thanks for reading huhu (sorry if there are typos lmao)

may the stars always listen to you,

ren<3

heLLO sorry i am posting this so late maybe i was hoarding it to look at the pictures yES HIS LAUGH N HIS NOSE SCRUNCHES :((( n his dancing!!! the artistry n expressions!!!! the "I'm sorry I'm dirty ratatatatata" is so underrated i love how he n changbin both do that part <333 also all those looks r SO GOOD ugh ur so right...

reading this was so wholesome thank u for sending this n adding so many gorgeous pics hehe :) hyunjin absolute ATE in maniac!!! also i rly love his parts in venom and his raps throughout the album especially lonely st!!! and ofc his ttaeng!s freeze

> bias loving hours are (always) open <

[huntective-kyeo]

❗Warning❗ TYPOS, SPELLING, AND GRAMMAR. And English is not my first language. Kinda angry hehehe

This is my first time to post it here and I hope you like it. Feel free to criticize my writing so I can improve.

So enjoy.

FIRST FANFIC

My Father is Dean Winchester

Dean POV

I sat down on the chair and open the lid of the beer. It's been hectic two weeks. Sam and I hunt a witch in Colorado and it took us a week to find the witch and killed it. That witch got Sam to bruise his ankle, and a concussion but thankfully nothing major injuries that needed stitches and so. Most of all the sonavabitch wore witch almost touch and probably hex my Baby which I did make her pay for it.

All in all, it took us a few days to get back at the bunker and now I'm sitting on the chair, probably wanted to eat some pies and get drunk.

My thoughts interrupt when the door opened and I looked up wonder who that person is. My instinct is to grab my trustful gun and aim it towards that intruder. However instead of getting alert, and hunting instinct it exactly quite opposite to what I feel right now.

Third POV.

A girl took a deep breath and with her shaky hand, she holds the handle and she pauses before she opened the door.

She didn't know what to do or what to say. She felt nervous to face them all. She wants to keep it secret however it keeps harder and harder to hide all the symptoms she felt during the last few months.

with heavy heart and soul, she opened the door and wish that bunker is well as empty as when she leaves it a few hours ago.

She didn't notice that the Impala, her first love park on her usual spot, she didn't notice a man sit on the chair seem like thinking something, she didn't notice her dad.

Dean POV

" y/n? " I blurted out. I didn't notice that my daughter y/n leave the bunker without telling us, or wasn't I?

Y/n my precious daughter, my little sunshine, and the only reason aside from my little brother who keeps me alive. 16 years ago Her mother and I met at the bar and happened to have one night stand. I was drunk to forget us condoms. I didn't realize it until, nine months later, Kylia found me and she shove the newly baby born into arms. I didn't hear her rants about not wanting kids because I was so fallen to my baby girl. I swear y/n is the most beautiful baby girl that I've ever seen. From that fateful night, I swore that I protect and love her no matter what.

With the help of my brother and my family, we did a good job raising a finest and yet mini-me y/n which kinda bit frustrated when she becomes a rebellious teenager and seeking for a new way to hunt.

I know that being a father and hunter ain't hood to raise a child in a world full of darkness but I did try my best to become a father that she deserved and not the father that I used to grow up

I again clear up my throat and by the time that I saw her, I know something is terrible up. Called it father instinct. My stomach began to feel something that I don't know if it's about the food or the worriedness about my daughter.

"Where have you been, I told you not to go outside not unless if you needed something but should-" I stumble and am shocked by a sudden hug coming from my daughter. My eyebrows meet and speculate more thoughts about what happened to her during a few weeks.

Then suddenly y/n cried up and my heart broke up thousand of pieces. Through I used to her cry of nonsense but this is different. I can feel it.

I began to think of a different reason why she cried like this. Is she on her period? Did a boy break her heart? If it is, then who? Oh god, my baby girl is heartbroken?! No-no-no.

" Hey, baby girl what's wrong? " I managed to ask a few words as I stroke her hair.

I didn't get her reply as she continues sobbing and sniffing on my chest. I continuously stroke her hair and rubbed a small circle on her back. With her tears I heard, I began to tear up which probably I got hurt when my baby girl gets hurt.

I saw Sam holding a can and some books and gave me confused look. I know he was confused about what is going on and the same as me. I only gave her shrug off before concentrate on keeping her calm down.

I sigh and sing a song that makes her calm down. It's a song that I always sing to her whenever she feels scared and upset. it her lullaby and till now I always sing to her when she felt like this. And now even though she's growing up ain't stopping this.

'Hey Jude, don't make it bad

Take a sad song and make it better

Remember to let her into your heart

Then you can start to make it better'

I sang softly and smile. I heard her sobs subside and her shoulder is no longer tensed. I kissed her head and quietly sing the rest of the song

By the song ends, y/n look up to me and hate to see her red-rimmed eyes and red nose face at me.

" Daddy... "

Y/n POV

After the song finish, I felt quite comfortable and my heart no longer pains me.

" daddy" I called up again. I hate seeing my dad worried glances and I wanted to back down but I know it's too late, now that I cried to his chest, and makes my father worried.

" what's wrong, princess " I nearly chuckle to hear the old nickname that I used to love but hate now. I should give my father annoying and death glares to him but I'm drained and tired to argue with my father.

Instead of the reply to his question, I took a piece of paper inside my leather jacket. With my shaky hand, I hesitate to give it to him. I saw my father unfold the paper and read it.

I know he reads it as I saw his face turn to a worried and horrifying face. I bit my lip as teardrops start to stream to his face and suddenly it aches my heart.

I didn't realize that my uncle Sam was there and he took the paper that my dad read it. My dad was frozen and saw Sam has the same reaction but he stumbled a bit and luckily sat on the chair or else he would hurt more.

The air was tense and several minutes seemed like a century to me as I was forced to see my dad and uncle of their horrifying reaction.

I was about to leave them and lock them up in my room but my dad grabs my wrist and put pressure on it, so I couldn't shove it off, I hesitate to look at his now red-rimmed eyes just like mine.

" Is this true? "

My heart broke as I nod

" when... When did it start? "

I flinched to hear a tone when my dad wanted a straight answer but I could see the difference of it. Instead of deadly and threatened, it's a broken and saddened tone that probably haunt me the rest of my life.

" honey, when did start... " I look up to him as a surprise to hear the familiar fatherly sweet tone that only me can know.

"a few months ago. When you just back from purgatory dad... " I mumble but I know that dad heard it because he mumbles coherent words that I know he's cursing, I wish it's not from me.

Then suddenly my dad sat down on the chair and then he hugged tightly couldn't breathe but slightly loose the tightness but still hugging me

" We can pull this up alright, we will. N/n we will fight this together okay, we'll find ways to rid this shit. We will be on your battle. " I then look up at my father and saw the tense and urging look " we will fight this out but you'll do your job ok, you'll kick this shit out, and keep fighting. Don't give up okay please, little n/n. " I heard him crack as didn't say anything considering, I was crying again and the inky response I can get is nodding.

Then I hug my father again and I feel another wrapped strong arms. I smile softly that uncle Sam joined the party. Now we are Complete, I feel like I'm ready to fight this shut out.

" Winchester is hard to kill, not even cancer. " I chuckle to hear uncle Sammy spoke.

"Yeah right, so you gonna do your part little princess, aright. Don't give up. " My father kiss my forehead. We parted away and wipes the tears we have. We laugh as we sniffle then finally our tears died down.

My father, Dean wipe the remaining tears and I look up to him confused. I saw him sad and regret my eyes and my heart sank.

" I love you N/Niepie, " then he kisses my forehead.

----AND CUT!!! ---

" Nice work J2 and Jodi damn there are no dried tears here " Robert yelled as all the staff and crew wipe their tears. " okay thirty minutes break, Jared, come to me I gotta asked you something" he added.

A group of assistants swarms the actors and did their task. Some wipe their sweats, do makeup, fixing their hair, and so on.

Jensen chuckles a little bit and wipes the remaining tears from his eyes.

" nice job dude, seem like the Days of our Lives gig paid off huh" A sixteen years old, young actress Jodi Smith tease him.

He rolled his eyes and ruffle her hair. " nice try but no you not riding my Baby" Jodi groan and about to reply when her assistant came and whisper to her ear "You're lucky, Mr. Ackles. Robert needs me now but I won't stop bothering you not until I sat on the driver seat and ride the impala".

When Jodi is out of sight, Jensen Ackles began to walk through his trailer. The thirty minutes of break is not enough of yearning for his daughter.

By the time he got inside. He locks it and sits on the couch. He rubbed his tired face as he grabs the old filthy Cinderella wallet. Today scene was emotional to him, not because of the scene itself but because he truly did miss his daughter y/n

In the finale of season 12, alongside Jack Kline played Alexander Calvert, and y/n Winchester played Jodi Smith we're both introduced and a new cast of Supernatural. Jensen was supposed to be glad that there are two new members of their family, but instead, it replaces guilt and dreadful feelings.

It's not the new cast members but the fact that Jodi Smith portrays is seem a great punch to his heart that he starts to realize he still has a daughter that should be taken care of.

No one knows not even Jared. Danneel and the kids, the crew nor the fans knew that the great Jensen Ackles has a secret daughter and only his close family knew about this truth.

" I'm sorry princess, How I wish I was there for you but you know I can't."

Jensen stroke a faded picture of an eight-year-old girl holding a doll whilst hugging the twenty-year-old Jensen Ackles.

" I'm sorry, I love you" he kisses the picture with so much love and tears began to stream down his cheeks

Hope you like it keep safe everyone. Reblog and like will yah.

[chaezy]

good thing.

➸ Pairing: Jung Jaehyun | Reader

➸ Summary: For some reason, Jaehyun thinks he could wait a while more. Good things come to those who wait after all, his mother had told him once.

➸ Warning(s): N/A

➸ Word Count: 1.8k

➸ Author's Note: This is my first time posting something here on Tumblr so I hope this one shot was to your liking! I also apologize if there were any grammatical errors or typos! This was not proofread.

• • • • • •

She's late, Jaehyun thinks to himself, checking his phone to look at the time for the umpteenth time.

Jaehyun had his doubts before he agreed to his friend's offer. He knew the blind date Johnny practically begged him to go to wasn't going to end well just like his friend had hoped. In fact, it hasn't even started yet, but he was already feeling disappointed.

It's been almost an hour since he came and had been waiting at the supposed meeting place. And the more he waited, the more he felt hopeless somehow. He wanted to leave already, but he can't seem to find the will to as of yet.

For some reason, Jaehyun thinks he could wait a while more. Good things come to those who wait after all, his mother had told him once. And it's not like it'd hurt him if he waits a bit more. He's got nothing else to do anyway.

He had been drinking his not-so warm coffee when an unfamiliar and feminine voice spoke to him. “Are you Jaehyun?” The voice was sweet and smooth, very pleasing to the ears.

Jaehyun dragged the mug off his face and whirled his head to the side. Standing before him was a girl with [h/l], messy [h/c] hair, [e/c] eyes, and [s/c] complexion.

She's pretty, the male admits to himself, nodding his head to the question.

Jaehyun placed his mug down the table and stood up, wiping his dominant hand on his jeans before holding it out for the girl to take. Thankfully, she took it and shook his hand, promptly letting go after. Her hand was soft and her hold was gentle, Jaehyun noticed.

He gestured for her to sit onto the chair across him, which she gratefully did. Jaehyun watched the girl adjust herself comfortably onto the seat.

“You must be Haewon then?” he asked, looking directly at the girl in front of him.

“Actually, I'm her friend. . .” the girl trailed off, yet Jaehyun heard just fine. She fiddled with her fingers bashfully. “I'm [Y/N] by the way. Haewon sent me here to tell you that she's not coming. I'm sorry about that—her suddenly standing you up, I mean. She got back with her boyfriend yesterday so. . .”

An awkward silence loomed over the two of them. Jaehyun, who has no idea what to feel about the sudden information, only stared at [Y/N] with an unreadable expression.

“I-I'm really sorry about her and for making you wait for nothing to happen,” [Y/N] proceeded to talk. “I assure you my friend didn't agree just to not show up on the actual date. She was actually really eager to meet you! But then her ex-boyfriend kind of wanted to get back with her and after she realized she still loves him, she decided to give him another chance. She's a bit dumb, especially when it comes to love, which is why she did it.”

Then her face erupted into a deep shade of red, something Jaehyun found endearing somehow. She apologized profusely for talking a tad long and this elicited a chuckle from the male, which only seemed to worsen her blush and embarrassment.

“It's fine, I understand,” he reassured. [Y/N] seemed to ease at his statement so she released a sigh in relief. He smiled at the action, his dimples appearing.

Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind that didn't only shock [Y/N], but himself as well. “Will you stay a while longer?”

She looked at him with wide eyes.

Jaehyun didn't know he had it in him, but he was definitely not this bold. He was usually reserved and observed more than he talked.

“If it's okay with you, of course,” he said afterwards, chuckling sheepishly. Suddenly, he was the one feeling bashful now. “I would like to get to know you. Is that alright?”

Though hesitant at first, [Y/N] still nodded. This made Jaehyun grin broadly.

“Thank you.”

At least it worked out fine.

• • • • • •

A lot of time had passed since then, and Jaehyun learned a lot about the girl who's friend had stood him up.

He learned that [Y/N] attended the same university as he did and that she was taking Engineering as her course. He also learned that she was in one of the elective classes he takes and was absolutely surprised to hear about it. He would've seen her somehow at least once, but he never did.

“You must blend in really well with the crowd,” he said, half amused and half shocked. “I've never seen you in that class before.”

[Y/N] laughed at him. “I'm one of the students who usually comes to the class early. And I always sit at the back so maybe that's why you never see me.”

“I'll be sure look for you next time then,” Jaehyun beamed at her. “You're really cool and nice. I'd like to sit with you some time and talk more. Actually, give me your cell number. I'd love to hangout with you after this or when we're free.”

[Y/N] looked at him in shock, almost in disbelief. “You still want to hangout with me after this?” she asked, sounding incredulous. Jaehyun found this reaction of hers somewhat puzzling.

“Why? You don't want to?” He was hurt. He thought somehow that she felt the same way. Perhaps he thought wrong.

“Ah, no! I'm sorry if you interpreted it that way!” she apologized, waving her hands vigorously. “Hanging out with you would be nice! Truly! I was just surprised, you know? I mean. . . I thought after this you won't talk to me anymore. I'm not exactly the best person to talk to since I babble a lot more than I actually listen and I'm awkward as well, which makes it worse. I'm just confused why you'd hangout with me.”

Then he heard her curse under her breath, making him titter.

“Sorry about that. I know I'm rambling a lot, but I just can't stop myself sometimes!” She flashed him an apologetic smile. “I hope it doesn't bother you. . .”

Jaehyun noticed she tends to apologize all the time and play with her fingers when she was shy, embarrassed, or nervous.

Adorable, he mused.

Jaehyun then smiles warmly. “It's okay. I actually find it endearing and cute.” She seemed to redden at the sudden compliment, something that didn't go unnoticed by the male. “Will you give me your number then?”

She jolted from her seat suddenly, apologizing once again for being absentminded. She hastily grabbed his phone from his hand, their fingers brushing each other the slightest, and typed her digits quickly.

When Jaehyun got his phone back, his eyes lingered a bit too long at the screen. “We're number neighbors,” he blurted out, looking up to stare at the girl across him.

“Sorry?” [Y/N] tilted her head.

This time, it was Jaehyun's turn to blush. He shook his head, smiling reassuringly at her. “Nothing. Nevermind what I said.”

“Alright.” She smiled back at him, too prettily in fact.

Then her phone rang from the table all of a sudden, which both caught their attentions. [Y/N] apologized and excused herself for a while as she got out of her seat and went outside the coffee shop to take the call privately.

While she was out of sight at the moment, Jaehyun took this as an opportunity to assess his thoughts and opinions about the girl. 

[Y/N] was a nice girl, though a bit bashful sometimes, but overall, she was fun to talk to. Although she can be awkward and would chatter a lot frequently, Jaehyun still finds himself charmed by her quirky traits. She was definitely odd, but that only seemed to pull him in.

Jaehyun definitely never felt like this before towards other girls he's met. Despite the fact that this was his first ever blind date, he knew she was different. Though that sounded a bit cliche, it was true anyway.

He wonders though, what if her friend, Haewon, hadn't gotten back with her boyfriend at all? Would he have enjoyed the date as much as he had enjoyed conversing with [Y/N]? Perhaps not, but he doesn't know that.

All he knows is that he is thankful that Haewon got back with her ex-boyfriend.

Jaehyun heard the familiar jingle on the entrance of the cafe, which made him perk up in his seat and sit up straighter as he caught the familiar mop of [h/c] drawing near.

[Y/N] didn't sit back at the chair and stood up besides it instead, an apologetic look plastered on her face.

“I'm so sorry, Jaehyun, but I have to go,” she said, a bashful smile gracing her lips. Jaehyun tried not to frown. “I forgot that my classmates and I were supposed to talk about a project and now they're wondering where I am. I'm really sorry that I have to cut our date—”

Jaehyun's ears turned red at the term. 

“—short. I'll make it up to you sometime, okay? Just text or call me. My phone's always available.” She grabbed her things on the chair. “I'll go now. I'll see you soon again, alright? Bye!”

She waved, and then sprinted off, leaving Jaehyun alone.

Though he's a bit upset that it ended so soon, he can't help but still feel ecstatic. Date, he says to himself, she thought of it as a date.

A smile crept up to his face and he tried his best to cover it with his hand.

She said see you soon, he continued. There's definitely a second date.

• • • • • •

When Jaehyun got back at the dorms, he was immediately greeted by his roommate and best friend, Johnny.

“How was the date?” he asked with a teasing smirk and with one of his eyebrows raised. Jaehyun can't help but let a smile grace his lips as he recalled about what happened earlier. “Seeing you smile like that, it definitely turned out well then?”

Jaehyun hummed. “Not really,” he vaguely responded.

“What do you mean?”

“Haewon didn't come.”

“She stood you up?!” Johnny's mouth hung open in disbelief. “But you're smiling?! You came and waited for nothing!”

Jaehyun shook his head. “Her friend came, called herself [Y/N], and apologized in behalf of her friend. Told me Haewon got back with her ex-boyfriend yesterday, which is why she didn't bother showing up today, and that she sent [Y/N] to tell me about it.”

Johnny raised his eyebrows at his friends. “And?” he urged, suddenly curious.

“I asked [Y/N] if she can stay a bit longer and she did,” Jaehyun resumed. “We talked, we laughed, and I got her number. But she had to leave early because her classmates were calling for her. But guess what, Johnny?”

“What?”

Jaehyun plopped down on a chair with the biggest and proudest grin as he looked up at his friend. “This guy's getting a second date.”

Good things really do come to those who wait.