#in the meantime thank you for your continued patience and support it truly means a lot 💙💙💙💙

[kindahoping4forever]

miss ur fics :(

I appreciate that 🥺 And I promise I miss them too! I've unfortunately been dealing with some heavy personal stuff lately that has been taking up all my physical and mental energy. But! The good news is that a light at the end of the tunnel has finally appeared for my situation and I'm starting to let myself be hopeful that I'll be in much better shape in the coming weeks and can start easing myself back into the swing of things! 💙

[watchingovergvff]

Kill You To Try- Jake Kiszka

Summary: Will you and Jake ever be able to see eye to eye? Being pining idiots and hating each others guts don’t mix. Let’s find out the hard way then.

Genre: Childhood best friends- enemies- lovers. Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort.

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: Jake is an asshole. Jealousy and Drinking.

A/N: This is my second favorite thing i’ve ever written. I apologize for my lack of Jake fics, considering I stay in Jake lane 24/7. I’ve been working on this for a couple of weeks and it’s not perfect by any means. I love to hear feedback so please let me know or if you want a part two to this also!! Thank you for all your patience and support<3333

_______________________________________________

Jake has never been jealous of Josh’s relationship with you, well that was until he saw the two of you dancing. Something about the way Josh’s hands caressed the small of your back, made his chest ache in resentment.

That’s where his dislike for you starts. Well, maybe not dislike but irritation at least.

Jake has known you since the 5th grade. You used to run around the playground, picking flowers for each and every one of your classmates. Jake had fallen and scratched up his knee, sniffles sounding out. Feeling a gentle tap on his shoulder, he turns around to find you smiling down at him.

“Are you okay?” you peer down at him.

“My knee hurts.”

Handing him the prettiest flower out of your bouquet, “Here this should make you feel better.” Jake admires your toothless grin from below, already feeling much better. It didn’t take much longer after that for him to decide to keep you around.

Jake and Josh were a package deal so being best friends with Josh was inevitable. Growing up, you always found that Josh matched your energy to-a-tee. He was your best friend, the one that always knew how to make you laugh. But, Jake was different. Jake felt like your home, your safe place.

That was until he started acting like an asshole out of nowhere. One day you were fine, the next day you weren’t.

It hurt like hell. There’s truly no way to describe losing your better half, other than heartbreak. Maybe it wouldn’t have hurt so bad, if you weren’t utterly in love with him.

As the years go by, Jake continues his relentless cycle of torture. The snide comments or blatant disrespect, never compared to the pain of him ignoring you. Josh was dumbfounded at Jake’s behavior toward you. He could have sworn Jake was in love with you, but it’s not the first time Jake has surprised him. Josh was tired of constantly calling Jake out on his shit. He understood if Jake just didn’t get along with you anymore, but the disrespect was uncalled for.

Over time, you got used to Jake’s nasty behavior and decided to not let it bother you. If he was going to act like a child then so be it, you would be the mature one.

The boy’s music career had shot up since high school, which meant less time spent together and more time touring the world. Saying your goodbyes was hard, but was inevitable. In the meantime, your life would live on in Michigan, while theirs roamed the world.

Life caught up with all of you, which meant less phone calls and no time for visits. Josh kept his promise when he said he would call once a week. He loved giving you every detail of tour since you couldn’t be there. You had been with them since before they even decided to be a band, so not having you around was weird for all of them, even Jake.

After being away for a year, the tour has finally come to an end. Sam being Sam decides to throw a coming home party, mourning the end of tour but celebrating their return.

Being Josh’s right-hand man comes with its perks, so when you get the invitation to their “exclusive” party, you can’t turn the opportunity down.

Would it be weird to say that you hit a second puberty over the past year? Probably, yes. But, you were being truthful. All those years begging and pleading your body to catch up with your maturing mind, payed off it seems. You finally felt good in your own shoes. So, when the hot guy from the local coffee shop asks for your number, who are you to say no.

Having had plans for a date the night of the party, you suggest that the two of you attend a good friend’s party. Surprisingly, he agrees to go with you, let’s just hope he’s used to crazy.

____

“Josh will you please shut the fuck up? I don’t want to hear her name again, please,” Jake groans out.

Whipping his head in Jake’s direction Josh says, “She’s my best friend. I’m allowed to be excited to see her Jake.”

Jake gives his best effort to not roll his eyes, but fails.

“It’s not like you have to talk to her. I’m sure she isn’t thrilled to see you either, after how shitty you’ve been,” Josh mumbles, leaving the room.

Huffing like a child, Jake does his best to calm his nerves. He is not prepared whatsoever to see you after all this time.

____

Jake already knew it would be hard to see you, but seeing you with some guy makes his façade shatter completely. Pre-gaming seems to have been a bust, because he has never felt soberer in his life.

“Sunshine!” Josh’s bright smile distracts you from scanning the crowd any longer, silently searching for his other half.

After Josh has gotten his fill of hugs and kisses from you, he makes quick work of introducing himself to your date.

Josh’s love for first impressions allows you to quickly excuse yourself, wanting to find a drink strong enough to get through the night.

Scanning the crowd, you see him. Sitting in a secluded corner of the room, slowly sipping on his drink.

Realizing his eyes had been on you since stepping in the doorway, you allow yourself one quick glance in his direction. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of actively looking for him, you walk the opposite direction, silently hoping he’ll follow you.

Is Jake an asshole to you? Yes.

Does he deserve even a second of your time? Hell no.

But, there’s still a part of you that longs for the Jake you once knew so well. It’s foolish to believe that after all this time he has changed, but you can’t help but wish for it.

Fixing a drink, you smile at people in passing or attempt to make small talk.

Feeling him before you see him, his presence looms over you like no other.

Jake sits onto the countertop next to you, plucking the cherry out of your drink. Grinning wickedly at you, he sucks the cherry into his mouth.

If you hadn’t been so focused on his cherry stained lips, you would have slapped the audacity right out of him.

“See something you like, sunshine?”

“Fuck off Jake,” you glare up at him.

“Don’t be like that, where’s my welcome home hug?” he pouts.

“Assholes don’t get welcome home hugs. They get a foot up their ass instead. Would you like me to demonstrate?”

He chuckles.

Jumping off the counter, he says, “It’s good to see you to, Sunshine.”

Watching him saunter off to his dark corner, you exhale, trying to regain your footing. Jake has always had a way of making your head feel all fuzzy, no matter what bullshit he was spewing.

____

Sam had made the executive decision to start a bonfire later into the night.

The party had dwindled down to very few people at this point.

Your date had decided to head home early because he had work the following morning. The both of you had agreed to see each other again soon. He seemed extremely nice, but you had a feeling it wouldn’t work out due to your complicated past resurfacing.

But, you were in desperate need of a distraction sadly.

Which left you snuggled under Josh’s arm, sharing childhood stories around the fire. Very clique, but it happened every time you all got together and had a few drinks.

Jake’s eyes haven’t left your figure since you walked in the door. The moment in the kitchen with you replaying in his mind over and over again. He could have sworn you looked at him, like he’s always looked at you.

Hanging on to every word that comes out of your mouth, Jake yearns for your affection.

Over the years, Jake has had love interests that weaved in and out of his life. He’d never been in love with any of them, but unconsciously found parts of you in them.

Deflecting his feelings for you by pretending to dislike you is better than being rejected by the one person he loves most, at least that’s what he tells himself.

He longs to hold you close like Josh.

Was his fear of rejection worth losing his best friend?

____

Weeks have passed since the night of the party. Danny had graciously taken you home that night, promising to have a lunch date soon.

Remember the guy you brought with you to said party, you know, the one you agreed to see again?

Well, the time has come to meet up again. The both of you agree to get drinks at a local bar in town. Your excited to go out actually. He’s a cute guy who seems to have a genuine interest in you. Plus, he could be the solution to your irritating Jake problem. It’s been a while since you’ve gotten all dolled up anyway, so this is a great excuse.

Finally feeling satisfied with how you look, you head out the door. Don’t get it twisted, you’re not dressing for him. Putting on a pretty outfit and delicate makeup is all for you, mostly because it’s fun.

High school is rough for everyone. Puberty, delayed growth spurts, acne, braces, and social standards never complimented each other. Having struggled with each and every aspect of an awkward stage during high school.

Feeling beautiful is hard when everyone around is trying to be anyone but themselves. So, you could say high school was rough for you.

You never thought of yourself as beautiful or magnificent. Mostly putting yourself into the dull category, because there was truly nothing special about you.

But, Jake always had a way of proving you wrong.

Jake watched you grow from a gentle and kind young lady, into a breath-taking woman.

Having always thought you were beautiful in every stage of life, Jake truly wouldn’t know where to start.

_____

The bar was lit up with string lights, softly playing music.

Lucky for you, the bar was just a block over from your house, so you were able to walk over. Hoping that your date went well enough for you to hitch a ride home with him.

You arrived on time, perching yourself atop the nearest bar stool. He had messaged you saying he was running behind, but he shouldn’t be too long. So, you had decided to wait at the bar for him.

____

Hours have passed and your still sat atop a barstool, downing your sixth drink of the night. You came to the conclusion about two hours ago, that he was indeed not coming after all.

“Ma’am, do you have a ride home? We’re closing up shop here, so you’re going to have to leave soon,” the older bartender asks you.

“Yeah, yeah sorry. Let me call a friend of mine really quick,” you fumble around, looking for your phone.

Securing your phone in your hand, you go to call Josh. He wouldn’t mind coming to get you.

“Hello?”

“Hey Josh, I know its late but I need a ride home. I’m at the bar down the street, but I’ve had too much to drink to walk home in the dark. Can you please come get me?” anxiously fidgeting in your seat.

“I’ll be there in five. Stay right there,” he hangs up abruptly.

He did not sound happy whatsoever. Making Josh mad was not on your to do list today.

It’s just kind of weird. Josh never minds picking you up, he actually insists its him you call. He’s probably having a rough day, don’t over think it.

It hadn’t even been five minutes when you heard your name being called behind you.

Except that voice was definitely not Josh’s.

Out of all people you could have accidentally called, it had to be him. Your night couldn’t get any worse.

Spinning around on your chair, you sigh, waiting for him to provoke you.

He looks at you worriedly, almost like you would shatter any second now.

You scoff, rolling your eyes.

“What? What did I do now?” Jake questions, conscious of your every move.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

You glare at him.

“Like I’m some fucking lost puppy.”

“Don’t give me a reason to,” he bites back.

Running your hands across your face, you realize just how tired you were. “Jake, I can’t do this with you right now. I’ve had a shitty day. Can you please just take me home?”

He reluctantly nods, heading out the door with you in tow.

The two of you climb into his car and begin your silent ride home.

Jake’s never seen you like this. He’s used to you being angry especially at him. Granite, he does love to get you riled up.

But, his favorite is when your happy. When you smile so big, that it throws him back to the day he met you, with your big toothless grin shining down on him.

His sunshine now turning into rain.

So, he respects the silence for once in his life, letting you have your moment. Watching the tears gather in your eyes, brings along a feeling he’s not familiar with.

Rage.

Gripping the steering wheel, he feels steam run off of him, allowing his knuckles to turn white.

It’s one thing for him to tease and mock you, but another for some asshole to think he can and get away with it.

Jake wants now more than anything to be Josh for you. To make you smile and laugh. He can’t bare to see you like this any longer.

“Do you want to play some music? I’ll even let you choose,” he speaks softly, almost like he doesn’t want to run you off.

You peer up at him in confusion. Where the hell did Jake go?

Shifting anxiously under your gaze, Jake mumbles a quick never mind.

It’s been years since the two of you have had a civil conversation, so this feels unnatural.

“Do you remember when Sam had a crush on you?” doing his best to break the ice.

You snort.

His heart flutters seeing you laugh at something he said for once.

“Do I? The kid followed me around for weeks asking me all kinds of weird questions. It took you telling him that I had cooties because of you to back off,” you laugh out.

Sam was never a smooth talker, that’s for sure.

Jake laughs.

You watch in awe, begging for him to never stop laughing again.

Eventually, Jake pulls into your driveway. The two of you sit in silence for a moment, just wanting to bask in the normalcy for once.

You pull the door open, stepping out of the car. Turning around, you give him a tight-lipped smile.

“Thanks Jake, for everything,” looking anywhere but at him.

“No need to thank me, I’d do it again. If you really wanted to thank me, you could tell me where that guy lives so I can kick his ass,” he smiles up at you, only slightly kidding.

Laughing you wave goodbye, praying that he doesn’t see how flustered you were.

Once you’ve made it inside, Jake sits in the driveway, contemplating everything that happened tonight.

On the way home, Jake realizes he regrets not apologizing for everything he’s said that he truly didn’t mean.

____

Days pass and Jake hasn’t heard a peep from or about you. Josh claims that your trying to heal from getting your heartbroken, but Jake has a feeling something else is wrong.

He is terrified that he may have done something to hurt or upset you once again. He is sick and tired of being the one that hurts you.

So, Jake makes the impulsive decision to go see you. Josh protests saying “Jake is the last person you would want to see right now”. In authentic Jake fashion, he doesn’t give a flying fuck.

____

The drive to your house was torture. Jake didn’t know what the right thing to say would be or what he should do.

Thinking back to simpler times, he remembers the time he saw you the summer of 9th grade.

____

That summer was a weird one for all of you.

Jake and Josh finally went through a growth spurt and started filling into their teenage bodies.

They hadn’t seen you all summer because your family sent you to summer camp.

Jake had come home one day, looking for Josh. He heard Josh’s voice float down the hallway from the garage. Making his way in that direction, he heard a second voice. Recognizing that sweet voice anywhere, Jake strides down the hall in search of you.

Once in the garage, he froze in his tracks. It was definitely you, but different. Jake remembers your straggly hair and your scraped knees. He remembers a little girl, his best friend.

You were no longer a little girl, you were a young woman.

You had bloomed into a stunning flower. Jake felt breathless.

But, after all you were still you. Jake was still Jake.

Best friends forever, but maybe it had always been more than that.

____

Jake and Josh hauled you everywhere. Every show they played you were there.

Believing in their success was never difficult for you. The moment you heard them play together, you knew everything would change.

When the boys played their first big show, you had tagged along not wanting to miss a second of it. Their set had finally come to an end that night. Trotting off the stage, Jake immediately went looking for you. He’d kept an eye on you throughout the show, always feeling better with you close by.

Feeling a hand grip his wrist, he spins around in search of the culprit.

Wrapping him into a bear hug, you squeeze him tight.

Pulling away from you he notices tears in your eyes.

“What’s wrong? Was the show that bad?”

You slap at his chest.

“No, you idiot. These are happy tears. I’m just so proud of you guys. Thank you for letting me be here,” you smile up at him.

“Thank you for wanting to be here. I couldn’t have done it without you,” he remarks.

Arriving at your house, he stumbles up to your porch and forces himself to knock on your door. After what seems to be the longest two minutes of his life, you answer the door.

You clearly just woke up from a nap, your hair a wild mess. Of course, Jake thinks its adorable.

Obviously, your taken aback as to why Jake would be standing on your front porch. You begin to question him, but he stops you.

“Can I come in? We need to talk,” he says, barely looking you in the eye.

“Yeah sure, sure,” you say, stepping aside.

Looking around, Jake realizes he’s never been inside your house before. Your windows are wide open, welcoming the sunlight in. Music playing softly from your record player. Books littered all over the room. It feels like home, yet so unfamiliar.

Clearing your throat, you see him jump, clearly on edge.

Once the two of you have gotten comfortable on your sofa, you realize she how quiet it is. Giving him a small smile, in hopes to provide some sort of comfort due to his jitteriness. He melts at the sight of your kind gesture.

“Are you feeling better” he asks.

Chuckling nervously, you reply, “Way better than the last time you saw me. Thank you for that by the way. I meant to text you afterwards, but I was just too tired.”

“You don’t have to thank me, I wanted to.”

You stare at him blankly.

“You wanted to save me from one of the most embarrassing nights of my life?”

“No no no, I didn’t mean it like that, I just like helping you or being the one you call.”

Giving him an exasperated sigh, you sink deeper into your chair.

“Jake, why are you here?”

He sighs, remembering the real reason he came after all. “I don’t even know where to start. I just wanted to apologize, for everything. You never deserved how I treated you. You’ve always been such an enigma to me. I couldn’t ever figure out why you were so kind to me, even after I pushed you away.”

“Then why did you push me away Jake? When all I’ve ever wanted was to be close to you.”

“I felt like I had to. You and Josh had gotten so close. I was selfish and got jealous. I’ve had to share everything with Josh my whole life. The one thing I never ever wanted to share was you. At the time, I felt like you had finally made your decision and it was Josh that you chose. It hurt too much to see the both of you together, so I made myself distance from you. A few years after I came to my senses and realized I was being selfish making you choose between the both of us, I wanted to make things right. I bought flowers and wrote out my whole apology speech, just to get to your front door and cower away. I felt like there would be no way you would forgive with such a lame ass excuse at that point. I had already dug deep enough. So, I made myself learn how to hate you, even though that’s the farthest thing from the truth. I--- I’m just so sorry Y/n. I never want to hurt you again. Being the one you called that night at the bar made me realize just how much I missed you. I miss talking to you, laughing with you, and sitting with you. I miss everything. I want to make it right, no matter what it takes. You deserve it, you always have.”

Hiding his face within his hands, in order to keep some composure, he hears a sniffle. Quickly looking up, Jake comes face to face with your tearful smile.

Tears poor down your face, while grinning ear to ear.

Reaching over, Jake gently wipes your tears away. You reach up and cup his shaky hands, holding them against your face.

“You’re such a dumbass.”

The both of you die out with chocked up laughter.

“You should have just told me Jake. I’ve always loved you both and I always will. But, my love for you is different, it always has been. You’re my best friend. Josh is my brother, the one that shields me. I had a sneaking suspicion that may have been what triggered your behavior, but I was too pissed to talk about it with you. Your right, I didn’t deserve the treatment you gave me, but I saw right through that bullshit. You forget that I watched you grow up. You’ve always been my sweetheart, the friend that would go above and beyond for you. I never truly believed you hated me, I just wanted to give you time to figure yourself out, no matter how long it took. I forgive you Jake. I think I forgave you a long time ago, but was always too prideful to admit it to myself.”

Grinning at each other, Jake pulls you into a tight hug. Being this close to one another after years of pining, felt like a dream.

Finally, you pull away realizing just how close the two of you were. Feeling Jake’s breath gently against your skin, you glance down at his lips. Jake’s breathing all together stops.

Quickly, your mind comes to its senses and the both of you awkwardly pull away.

Scratching the back of his neck, Jake says, “I guess I should head back to the studio now. Josh is going to kill me if I’m late again.”

“Oh yeah, of course. I know how cranky he can get,” you laugh off. Leading him out your front door, you turn to walk back inside.

“Y/n,” Jake calls out.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

You smile so wide, your bottom lip shakes.

Waving him off, you head back inside. Laying against the door, your head feels fuzzy from just his smile.

____

Five minutes later, Jake finds himself pulling right back into your driveway. He marches right out of his car, straight up to your porch once again. In a tizzy, he begins banging on your door.

Rushing to see what the ruckus is about, you swing open your door.

“Miss me already?” you chuckle out.

“Marry me.”

“What?”

“What?”

The both of you stand there looking at each other, daring the other to speak up.

“I’m sorry that’s not what I meant to say, I was trying to tell you-

You tug him by his collar, kissing him softly.

Eventually, the two of you pull away trying to catch your breath. Resting his head against yours, you both smile.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” you whisper out.

Jake chuckles in disbelieve. “No way, I’ve been dreaming of that since 7th grade.”

He takes your hand in his, squeezing so tight in hopes to convey his love for you. Immediately understanding, you bring your hand up to gently stroke his hair.

“Well, we could keep standing out here looking at one another, or we can go inside and kiss some more,” you say.

Jake hastily responses, “Inside please.”

____

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed!!!!

[felassan]

For folks who play SW:TOR, there is an important update on the follow up of its development (following on from the recent news about SW:TOR moving from BioWare to Broadsword), from Keith Kanneg [source]. (click image for better view)

Text:

"FOLLOW UP ON SWTOR DEVELOPMENT UPDATE Hi all,  Appreciate your patience with us as we continue to navigate the future shift of SWTOR’s development team to a third party studio. We're working through the changes right now so I'll share with you the details I have. With 7.3 now live, our priority is continuing to prepare for Game Updates 7.3.1 and 7.4 along with planning for 2024 and 2025 with a focus on content and continued modernization initiatives. We also want to address some of the common questions we are seeing. What’s changing for players after this shift happens?  For all of you, not much is changing at all. Players will continue playing the game and swtor.com and the forums will continue to remain online and a source for players to get news and updates. Support for SWTOR will remain unchanged and players can continue to utilize the EA Support Page or in-game tools for assistance.   Will the SWTOR development team be moving out of Austin?  We are already a remote team with staff working from home throughout the US and beyond. That said, our physical presence will still be remaining in Austin and we will be securing a new office space here. Is the game heading into maintenance mode?  Absolutely not. As I’ve said before, we are working on future plans including more story and modernization initiatives for the game. We’ve upgraded the game to 64-bit, and are working on moving the servers to the cloud, and there are more content and tech updates on the way.  Moving to a third party studio would allow us a lot of creative freedom, and we're very much looking forward to the opportunities that will be open to us.  What’s going to happen to my account? My Cartel Coins?  Nothing will change on this front. Everything will remain the same with your in-game accounts and any purchases you make.  What does EA remaining the publisher on record mean for the game?  Similar to what we have said a few times now, it means nothing changes. The SWTOR team continues to be in control of the development and direction of the game with EA providing publishing and player support. What will happen to moving servers to the cloud?  That is still happening. We will have to reassess timelines, but we have every intention of moving forward with migrating our servers over to the cloud. We are also continuing with our evaluation regarding the APAC server as well. To close, I know that when something like this happens it can bring on feelings of doom and gloom. This isn't the beginning of the end, this truly is a new beginning for us. As you can imagine there are quite a few moving parts right now but we have a lot to talk about in our future. You can expect 7.3.1 towards the end of the summer, with the story continuing in 7.4 on its heels as we enter the holidays. Also on the tech side, we are working on further updates such as improved integrations with Steam and updating to DirectX 12. We'll start talking about all of this and more in the coming weeks. In the meantime, Game Update 7.3 is now live, and I’ll be right in there with all of you going through the new story and Flashpoint on all my characters.  Thanks for your patience with this, everyone. You’ll be hearing from us again soon.  -Keith Note: We will be locking this thread to keep any informational updates in one place, but you all are free to continue discussion in the original update thread."

[source]

Some coverage on this:

PC Gamer: BioWare calls Star Wars: The Old Republic's change in developer 'a new beginning' and denies that it's going into maintenance mode

Eurogamer: BioWare assures Star Wars: The Old Republic isn't shutting down, despite new developer

[autumnslance]

((Free Day for FFXIV Write 2020, a WIP I’ve dithered on for awhile. Early Stormblood; follows the "Foibles" prompt’s events. Below the cut for those who prefer Tumblr to Ao3.))

Rhalgr’s Reach slowly recovered from the assault as the days passed. The bodies had been buried and all rites given, the living granted their too-brief time to mourn. Now came clearing the rubble, repairing what could be repaired, and somehow finding replacements for what could not.

Recruitment and morale were low, but Conrad and M’naago hoped to make steady progress while working with the Alliance forces, as even the token victories managed before the assault had aided their cause considerably. The Imperials, for their part, seemed content to allow the Eorzeans to have the East End and much of the lower Fringes, secure as the enemy was in Castrum Velodyna.

Krile, Arenvald, and a few other junior Scions continued to lend their aid to the efforts, even as they prepared to escort the worst injured back across the border to Gridania once they were well enough to travel. Y’shtola would continue on to Mor Dhona to recover in the comfort of the Rising Stones and take her turn as the senior Scion in the Toll; Thancred was now in the Reach, since she was injured and their comrades headed to the Far East.

Thancred’s mopey thoughtfulness since arriving in Gyr Abania had not been lost on Y’shtola, and she resolved to draw the cause out of him before she left. It would not do to have their senior representative in a surly mood at this critical juncture. The next opportunity presented itself not two days before she was scheduled to leave.

“What exactly is the problem now?” Y’shtola asked as Thancred entered her little sectioned-off “room” in the Barber to deliver her tea, then dropped onto the floor between the bed and the chair she currently inhabited, as he sighed heavily.

“So grouchy. Do you also require your medication?”

“No. And I am not ‘grouchy’. You obviously wish to discuss something.”

“It is not that I mind aiding the war efforts here in Gyr Abania,” he said with no further preamble. “I am simply missing people, with so many now off to the Far East. Having you ready to return to Mor Dhona seems to have sharpened that feeling somehow.”

“I am terribly sorry my recovery is inconvenient to your mood,” she said as she sipped her tea. He had remembered exactly the right amount of honey and cream.

“That is not what I meant and you know it,” Thancred said, settling onto his back, hands behind his head as he looked up at the ceiling.

“I am merely waiting for you to arrive at the point.”

“Remember when we were all still back in the Waking Sands, and I was rather foolishly pining after certain colleagues?”

“No,” she said, as acerbic as possible. He glanced up and caught her smile. “It only happened often enough to make keeping track difficult,” Y’shtola teased. Then she grew serious. “Except perhaps in one instance, where so far as I can tell, you never truly stopped pining.”

He winced and looked back at the ceiling. “You don’t miss much. Though I like to think I was managing my boyish infatuation and simply enjoying having so good a friend as Aeryn has turned out to be. I honestly expected nothing more, and I know there was...another interest.”

Y’shtola nodded. She had not known Lord Haurchefant well, but what she recalled was entirely favorable. She had returned from the Lifestream after the man’s sacrifice, but had heard much from Alphinaud and Tataru.

“I thought,” Thancred continued. “On my return from the wilderness, that much had changed for both of us. We practically had to learn how to be friends all over again. We sorted it out, however, and talked--about Minfilia, Lord Haurchefant, and others.”

“And you find your ‘boyish infatuation’ renewed?”

“No,” he said flatly. Her ear flicked at the seriousness of his tone. “I know those; they are often fleeting things, much as I enjoy that time and company. Or, did; I’ve not experienced such since...well, since before our Lifestream mishap, actually. Oh, I have spent a night or two sating physical desire with willing company, but it is...less satisfying, after everything.”

“Don’t tell me you have become celibate.”

He laughed. “Perish the thought! But it’s not as much of a priority anymore. For one, events do not always afford the time. But mostly because...There is only one person I am truly interested in, but she is--so far as I know--not interested in me.”

“You just said your infatuation had not returned.”

“It has not,” he replied. “I have been examining the situation, and have come to a new conclusion.”

“Oh?”

“I believe I am...perhaps...falling for her,” Thancred said quietly, reluctantly.

Hearing him say what she had long suspected was somehow still surprising. It was not that he had never fallen in love before--Y’shtola had been present for those few affairs, as both critic and support--but it was exceedingly rare that he allowed himself such a luxury; she had seen him too often sabotage his own relationships, usually due to his own deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy hidden behind his charming smiles and sarcastic wit. The man had only recently developed the capacity--or perhaps more accurately, the willing vulnerability--for the deeper levels of communication required to maintain longer term relationships with an intimate partner. Perhaps that contributed to this realization; Y’shtola knew he and Aeryn had been speaking more.

She also knew a few things Aeryn had confided to her, when seeking a viewpoint with more maturity and experience than Lyse or Tataru could offer.

This was going to be tricky; neither of these dear, swiving idiots would say anything to the other if not nudged--or outright shoved--in the proper direction. Luckily for them, they had both chosen her as a confidante.

“Have you asked her if she is interested?” Y’shtola asked.

He frowned, his uncovered eye turning to her. “I know she does not care for intimate relations--”

“And yet, she has had some form of intimate relationships,” Y’shtola pointed out. “That she does not look at others and feel such attraction does not preclude a want for intimacy--including physical, in some cases. In any event, it does not mean one wants to be without close companionship.” She paused to take another sip from her cup while he thought. “If she is willing for something other than friendship, then she can set boundaries and communicate what she is able to give. ‘Tis a matter of respect and patience, which I know you fully capable of.” She leaned over, careful of her slowly healing injuries. “And I will not hear excuses that you are not ‘good enough’ for the Warrior of Light, Thancred.”

“Gods, I must be in a state, if you are being kind,” he smiled up at her fondly.

She smiled back and reached down her free hand; he took it and gave her a gentle squeeze. “I’m a bit surprised, however, that you have no words of warning about entertaining such notions with a colleague,” he said.

Now he was looking for a reasonable out; she wasn’t about to give it to him. “I trust that to be something you have already considered yourself, and part of the reluctance to admit to these feelings,” Y'shtola answered as she let go of his hand and sat back again. “Denying your heart will do no favors for your working relationship, either; it must be confronted and discussed like reasonable adults.”

Not that her friends were reasonable, but they could at least pretend for a time she mused as she sipped more tea.

“‘Tis a moot point at the moment, you know,” he said. “She is in the East. It shall be moons before they’re all back.”

“Then we shall have to keep you from stewing over the matter too much in the meantime,” Y’shtola replied lightly. “And if your feelings have not changed by the time our colleagues do return to us, then you shall have even less excuse to not speak with the woman.”

“Logical as ever. Thank you, Shtola.”

“You’re welcome, Thancred. Now, will you get off my floor?” She set aside her empty tea cup.

“But it’s cool and actually fairly comfortable. I think I wore myself out running Arenvald through his paces earlier. The boy’s come a long way and has far too much enthusiasm for sparring practice.”

“Thancred, please; I wish to nap.”

“I’m not stopping you,” he replied cheekily, hands behind his head again, a faint smirk on his lips as he closed his eyes.

Y’shtola sighed--exaggerating a tad, perhaps--and carefully, slowly, moved from the chair, giving him only a light kick in the ribs as a formality. He playfully grunted at her tap, otherwise not moving, as she lay down carefully in her bed.

She was not sure if he actually intended to sleep as well, or was simply using her room for the companionable silence and safety from Resistance officers and enthusiastic sparring partners it offered. No matter; she did not truly mind his presence--he knew she had fewer nightmares of Zenos (helm looming over her, cold voice taunting before the world shattered, leaving her drowning in her own blood) when another was near--and if Thancred sought his own form of comfort, she could not begrudge him that when their fellow Scions were ever so far away.

The pair slept, keeping each other company.

[mittensmorgul]

The Tumblr Beta Version: an objective analysis

I was tempted to just type “it sucks.” And while that is an objective analysis, it’s not exactly helpful. I’ve sent several requests to @staff and @support to restore my account to the old tumblr dashboard format, and received the same automated reply twice now. I’ll copy/paste it here so everyone is on the same page:

(lol, I had to go back and edit this, because apparently the beta version doesn’t display block quotes on the dash. So I’ve also put the block quotes in italics... hopefully it’ll display properly... note after editing: nope, it doesn’t display italics either... how the heck am I supposed to differentiate quoted text? I’ll start each quoted bit with an asterisk, I guess...)

*Thanks for reaching out about the beta dashboard.

*We're currently testing it out, and your account seems to have been selected to take part in the test. Thanks for your patience while we work on it! At this time there is not a way to opt out of testing. You may see your Tumblr experience return to normal as we continue testing.

WE CAN ONLY HOPE.

*In the meantime, check out some of the new features available only in the beta dashboard:

OKAY TUMBLR, IF YOU INSIST, though I would MUCH rather have back all the functionality I personally invested into this website through xkit... you know... making the site ACTUALLY FUNCTIONAL. Let’s see what this beta version has given me instead of functionality:

*Change Palettes: Go to the person icon, then click "Change Palette." You'll find the classic Tumblr blue, dark mode, and a few other color palettes for your dash.

So I tried out all the color palettes. In addition to the ones mentioned here, there’s one that’s trying to look like a green screen terminal that gives me flashbacks to the early 80′s. There’s a reason we stopped using green screen terminals... Another one is “canary yellow.” It’s very yellow. The “classic tumblr” isn’t actually classic tumblr... all the post boxes are dark blue with grey type, not white with black type. And all the other colors are the insanely bright fluorescent of the new Dark Blue standard tumblr scheme. Which means links are practically invisible unless I highlight them. It’s migraine inducing. The one theme with a light colored background is called “Concrete” or “Cement” or something like that and even that only works for about half an hour before the migraine aura really kicks in. I just want my Old Blue via xkit back. You know, what tumblr actually used to look like. I don’t want any of these horrible color palettes. None of them work for me.

*The new "meatballs" menu: This is where you can copy the post link, unfollow the Tumblr who made or reblogged the post, or report a violation to our Community Guidelines.

I could do all of this from the user menus with xkit, too. I don’t regularly report violations or have the urge to block people I have chosen to follow. Why on earth would I want to do any of this? And why would I want these features located directly beside the post link copy feature? 

You know what I do miss? I miss the xkit timestamps feature. I didn’t have to hover dangerously close to the KILL IT WITH FIRE meatballs menu in order to see when a post was made, and in this era of disinformation and misinformation spreading around this site faster than Covid-19, being able to see when a post was ORIGINALLY created is a far more useful feature than an easier way to block people. For reference: I currently have three blogs blocked. Two of them are pornbots. One is a nazi. If I don’t want someone’s content on my dash, I don’t follow them. This “feature” is entirely useless to me.

*A quick note: Pagination is not supported in this beta test, but we're collecting feedback to send to our engineers.

THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST. This beta test might actually be tolerable if I wasn’t trapped into endless scrolling. If I could page through my dash, refreshing it every ten posts or so. You know why? Because once I scroll about 30 posts down my dash, tumblr starts overheating my laptop under the load of ALL THOSE POSTS. Things start malfunctioning-- it takes longer and longer to load new posts the farther I scroll. And the keyboard navigation (both page down and hitting J to advance to the next post, and even just using the down arrow to scroll as I read a long post) freeze and stop functioning. One of my laptop fans has actually begun to malfunction.

You know why this wasn’t a problem on the old version? If the data load got to heavy, I could open a post in a new tab, click view on dash with xkit, and voila! Brand new tab! I could close the malfunctioning tab and everything would be refreshed to normal! But without pagination, THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE.

Also, after reblogging a few posts, the beta version of this site breaks, and doesn’t open a post tab to add commentary or even tags. It just... reblogs the untagged post with no warning whatsoever. You know... that’s really really not cool. I tag EVERYTHING. Well, almost everything. The tags are the only way to keep track of the 40k+ posts on my blog. And warn people that I am posting potential spoilers, or other specific content. It’s REALLY inconvenient to have to either immediately go to my blog to edit the post and add tags, or even comments. The alternative is to scroll up to open individual posts I want to reblog in a new tab, and then reblog directly there. Ironically enough, THOSE pages actually open with xkit installed, and everything (surprise!) functions perfectly there.

It’s perfectly reasonable to understand why this specific issue has limited the number of posts I reblog. Reblogging content should not be this much of a hassle. Creators have been complaining for a while that reblogs have drastically slowed down, and I think making it even more annoying and difficult to reblog posts will not help this problem.

Also, with xkit enabled, there’s a function that auto-loads images as you scroll, so the images are always visible BEFORE they appear on screen. I don’t have to look at the colored boxes and wonder if this is a post I’ve already seen or something I should sit and wait for. Don’t even think about watching tumblr videos. Loading priority is given to the ads that you cannot pause or dismiss, so that video loads and plays in choppy two second bursts instead of being given priority. Since that’s the content I am actually here to consume, it kinda makes me want to do the opposite of patronizing anyone who advertises here with graphically intense ads. And then when you scroll away, with xkit, gifs and videos you’ve scrolled past STOP loading and playing, which I think might be contributing to the intensity of the resource hogging that’s literally melting down my laptop.

And for reference, I have a pretty decent little gaming laptop. A blogging platform shouldn’t be driving it to the brink of frying itself. I didn’t realize just how much xkit worked to streamline this and provide basic functionality to this site.

*And lastly, if you're an XKit user, know that the XKit team is working hard to update things on their end to make it compatible with the beta dashboard.

And this doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what I’ve lost without xkit. And this is a really REALLY garbage response to user complaints. “Oh, yeah, sorry we made our site suck even worse, but those nice people who do our jobs for free will surely fix our garbage soon!”

Dear wonderful people at @new-xkit-extension, I love you, and I miss you, and while I wish xkit worked with this beta version I’ve been forced into living with, I truly feel for y’all who are trying to deal with this nonsense on behalf of all of us.

And to the folks at Tumblr... maybe try to just... make your site actually more like xkit. You know, actually functional. None of these special new features are useful or functional to me. I respectfully request for a fourth time to be removed from this inane beta test.

Give us OPTIONS. Let us display ALL THE TAGS without having to click a button. Let me have back my Activity+ that actually allowed me to interact with people from my dash! That showed me real-time inline notifications in a way that I could reply to with a single click! Bring me back to my column of open messaging conversation icons so I have easy access to the people I talk with throughout the day instead of closing them all every time I refresh the page. I already feel socially isolated in freaking quarantine, please stop shutting off all my avenues of communication!

Let us have pagination! I mean, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to force heavy users of this site into a beta version that doesn’t allow us to opt out until your engineers had actually figured out how to make it work in a very basic way.

*Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with!

YES. PLEASE REMOVE ME FROM THIS BETA TEST NOW. I have let you know exactly what I want from this site. I just want it to ACTUALLY WORK. For someone who spends 12+ hours a day on this site, this beta test version is NONFUNCTIONAL. PLEASE ALLOW ME TO OPT OUT. I AM LITERALLY BEGGING YOU. I WILL ACTUALLY PAY YOU CASH MONEY TO ALLOW ME TO OPT OUT OF THIS AND GO BACK TO HAVING A FUNCTIONAL BLOG AGAIN. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

PLEASE! 

I AM OFFICIALLY AT THE END OF MY PATIENCE FOR ENDURING THIS NIGHTMARE.

(one final quick note... I’ve only been back on my dash long enough to make the parenthetical edits-- i.e. adding italics that don’t display and then adding the asterisks at the beginning of each section of quoted text, and already my laptop is overheating again. For reference, I originally typed this entire post from within my tumblr inbox page-- which still functions normally with xkit-- and spent over an hour on it. My laptop was fine the entire time. Clearly the issue is this beta version of the website. I will never forgive tumblr if y’all fry my literal only portal to the outside world at this time. PUT ME BACK TO NORMAL NOW. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INFURIATING AND ENTIRELY UNACCEPTABLE. Thanks)

(oops apparently i lied... when the asterisks and the previous final note failed to display, I thought that seemed suspicious, and realized that I literally needed to refresh my entire dash in order to see edited changes. Funny how xkit enabled me to do that in real time, which is just another bit of functionality I’ve lost with this beta program. Please guys, this is really, really not working for me at all, just put it back.)

[lgchunji]

✧ .・゜゜hello, lgc admods!

     chwe hunji and jin eunji’s leaf wants to say: “hey admods! i know this may look a little sudden and a little weird but by the time you see this, i’ve been going around asking all the members what they want to say to you guys to show their appreciation! i know admin e probably already told you, but i used to do theater for about two years and i volunteered my time. i probably worked fifteen-thirty hours a week at a theater and i did not get paid and barely was thanked but i always put in effort. i gave them one hundred percent of myself and, if i was lucky, i would get a five dollar starbucks gift card in return. i was so exhausted and even stopped writing because i could not handle how much of myself i was losing every day. i gave a hundred percent of myself away and got five percent back. now, though, with legacy, everything has been flipped! you guys put a hundred ten percent of yourselves into this amazingly fun and honestly complicated place and i feel like i never get to give back. i know the joy of it all is in watching people write together but for me, just having fun was not enough, i wanted to compile something together for you guys! you do so much for us so i thought it was time i give just a sliver of myself back to you. so! under the cut is a lot of people’s messages that i’ve gathered. a lot of members were unable to send in something in time so i do apologize that not everyone is here, but i added a space in the bottom for anyone and everyone who wants to add something at a later date, so admins and members, be sure to check that often! in the meantime, though, you guys are so amazing and this place already means so much to me, i really hope legacy can continue to grow and flourish beyond your guys’ dreams because you really deserve it! p.s. the below notes are not in any particular order of length or alphabetized, they’re just random C:”

     han insoo’s al wants to say: “thank you for your kindness and dedication. you guys are troopers. i’m not very vocal about things publicly out of shyness but also bad experiences. i hope you guys know i appreciate to be here and that you guys have kept this up for so long despite the setbacks. it’s been a while since i felt comfy in a directory. much hugs and kithes!! thank you for being so open and welcoming!”      kang yonghwa and choi daehyung’s muffin wants to say- "thank you so much for all of the hard work! legacy is not an easy rp to run with all these career branches and events going on. i appreciate all of the mods for making this rp extra special by celebrating birthdays, holidays and other occasions. I love you all muahhhhhh~"      liu jiao and ok miyoung’s faye wants to say- “i disappeared from the rp scene for awhile and was kind of lost when it came to fitting back into everything. but joining legacy helped me along and i am so glad i decided to put my muse here. thank you to all the mods and for all of their hard word. i felt so welcomed by not only them, but the other members of the directory as well. so thank you for the lovely community you’ve brought together here. i am happy to say that legacy holds a special place in my heart.”      yoon shinha and pongsak, tee's simone wants to say: “when i first joined legacy it was because i had some friends here and i had read about it a lot on twitter. i was nervous and scared, which is how i usually feel when joining a new place. working on my own points page from scratch was a first but i was proud of myself and i felt accomplished when i finished it. i joined as a connection and it gave me a boost when it came to plotting. everyone was so nice and welcoming and i honestly love that when joining a new directory. the events were many and i was both excited and scared at how many there were. even if i couldn't understand something i knew i could ask an admin or mod and would get a quick reply. i love how kind and supportive the staff is. i've been here for a few months now and i always recommend it to others. i know that no matter what, i can go to a staff member with a question and i don't need to feel stupid for asking something bc the staff are so helpful and understanding. the thought that goes into this roleplay and the events are amazing and i am honestly so amazed every time a new event gets posted. they give sufficient time frames for events and i know they try to make it as fair as possible. i honestly love it here and i love the hard work and the time that is put into legacy.”      park taekyung and heo jane’s bobbi wants to say: “thank you for taking the time to create this awesome community! the time and effort you put into this rp is what makes it such a fun place and i hope that this post brings you just as much joy as you bring us! <3"      mayura nana’s cc wants to say: “i’ve been on and off in the group, seeing the first time it opened and how hard working the admins were to coming back and seeing the amount of growth in just a few months. i truly appreciate all that you guys have done for your members, the patience and love you put into every little thing you do so everyone can develop and enjoy themselves. you guys make this rp fun and safe and i’m forever grateful to have found a true home for my muse. keep up the good work and i can’t wait to continue being here and witnessing even more love and growth from the team ❤️”       park seojin, im hana and kang seyoon’s sara wants to say: “hello lovely team. it's been a great ride thus far and i'm so happy to have been here from the beginning to see the community grow. you've built a really nice and wholesome place here and it's been one of the best roleplays i've been in so far. it's hard running things but always remember that people love and respect you and so many of us are rooting for good things every day. you're human too and if you make a mistake, never beat yourself up over it. you keep things so much fun. truly nothing more i could ask of from a team. i’ve sent other messages in the past but there's really no limit to the praises and support i can offer to you guys. keep up the good work!! ♡♡”      wu aaron and kim alex’s em (aka the awkward cookie) wants to say - "to the amazing admins of this rp, i haven't been here nearly as long as others but i really enjoy having my muses here! i love lgc so much and you're all amazing admins who work very hard to keep this place running with amazing events! keep up the great work and i can't wait to see what else you all have planned! (please torture alex as much as you can. xD) i don't think i've really talked to the admins here much but still, i love you all and everything you do! <3 please don't let any negative comments or reviews get to ya'll and just know you're all doing great!"       choi jongsuk, son jieun, and kim jinah‘s jen wants to say -  "@ the mod team from your resident meme! you guys know how much i love lgc. i'm not shy annoying y'all with compliments and praise. every sunday is a highlight because there is always something exciting being posted- be it just a date lottery update or new events; you never fail to surprise and spoil us all with fun and creative ideas! also the way you manage to keep things as fair as possible for everyone and still manage to not make anyone feel left out or left behind. the quick replies to any kind of questions are just so nice to see and it makes me personally not scared ever to ask anything at all no matter how stupid the question may be! i probably annoy y'all with how often i said this already but i love this rp. i love the graphics, the concept and the execution of it all. thank you for creating this amazing space for all of us to write and hopefully to many more years! true to my name i shall exit on a meme~"      hwang subin and han allie’s nic wants to say - “hello admins!!! it's me, a nic. i know that i've said a lot of this in the past but to sum it all up, i love you guys!! thanks for giving me a place to feel a bit more comfortable when i don't feel that way in rp a lot lately. i love that you guys are always gracious and accepting of criticisms, questions, and critiques and i hope you continue to always be that way because i think it's important for rps to listen to their members. i also want you to know that you don't have to stand for rudely stated words just because you do that, either!! i appreciate the time you take to answer my questions, whether it be through the manager blog or through discord and for all the opportunities you've given my muses ( even if ONE of them might not be so grateful. i'm lookin at u subin ) so yeah ;u; i hope u all are having a lovely day, pls take care!!!”      tsai sunisa, park sarang, and jung jihye’s the ghost rper wants to say - “number one, thank you for making legacy an rp! i'm having a lot of fun with all of muses! especially since it's given me a chance to bring muses i've played before alive in another rp. two, they're [the admins] awesome for all of the stuff they've managed to do for the group and how many options you have to be apart of the industry and do more background related stuff! third, just stay awesome and remember to put yourself before rp! since without ya'll we wouldn't be here!”      min soyoun and kim jinseo‘s clara wants to say - "hi mods! thank you for making lgc a fun and safe haven for us. i appreciate the love, thought, and effort you all put in every single mission/event that happens in the roleplay. you guys are doing amazing!"      kwon sihyun‘s shinobi wants to say - “thank you for making me feel welcome!”      park iseul and ahn dohyun’s nine wants to say - “thank you so much for all your hard work! over the months i've been at lgc i've always felt like the admods have kept every single muse in mind when creating events and moulding the rp to fit the members. i've never felt as in love with an rp as i do now. keep up the good work, i can't wait to see the rp grow more and more!”      choi max and im nari‘s jada wants to say - “hi there mods !!! i didn't want this whole appreciation to go by without saying some words of my own, so here i go ! when i joined legacy a few months back i was hesitant to even join, doubting that i'd want to stay to make it even past the next activity check. it was an act of pure impulse, but perhaps the best thing i could've done ! alongside the many great friends i've made along the way, if it was not for all the hard work you do, the roleplay would not be nearly as lively of a universe as we've all made it to be ! i always compliment legacy for the dedication you all clearly have to making it enjoyable - from events going on all the time, to in-character posts that liven the spectrum of our creativity, to your speedy responses and patience whenever we have trouble ! i think me and the rest of the members can agree that what you do makes us enjoy the roleplay even more, and we always will be appreciative of that !! i think you guys run the roleplay SO smoothly at times that we forget the hard work you put in and the bumps you might encounter along the way, but it's times like this that make me realize how much more we should thank you. because of the team behind it all, i've once again found my place in a roleplay that's made me feel at home, and always ready to write and have fun !! i'm extremely grateful for the passion you've shown us and i hope that i too can do my best to make sure your hard work pays off and give thanks ! i'm looking forward to writing with all of you and giving a voice to our muses for as long as i'm able to type, haha ! <33 “      ahn yeoreum’s kay wants to say - "my first experience with krp wasn't exactly the best. i didn't land myself in the most welcoming environment and was planning to never join another krp. but i took a chance in lgc and didn’t regret it. since day one, everyone has been so welcoming and i loved playing yeoreum here. the admods have worked so hard to make this such a nice environment to rp in and i love how well thought-out all the events and activities are. thank you so much, admods !! we are super lucky to have such a talented and hard-working team. <3″      ji haneul’s maddy wants to say - “to legacy admods uwu, thank you for your endless hard work! seeing how the community has grown over the last few months, as well as the tons of opportunities for character development has made my time here absolutely amazing. i just want to say how much i love the rp, and how inspiring it can be in churning my writing muses. keep up the good work, and i hope you guys would also be able to have as much fun as the work you've put in in maintaining the rp! take care, stay safe, and stay awesome >:D *flings plushies in your directions* ♡"      lee seungjae’s fifi wants to say - "hello admods!!! i just wanted to say thank you for everything that you've done for lgc! i haven't been here long but everything about it is great and i can tell you've put in so much work to make it the great place that it is!"      kang dana‘s jay wants to say - “thank you so much for working so hard on this roleplay and allowing all of our characters to develop however we like! i have never enjoyed a rp as much as this one <3"      hwang jaerim and im hyunjin’s jia wants to say - "hello admod team, yall know im always here to bother u all with my weirdness and you guys are all great to talk to. i've been lucky enough to have been here since day 1 and to see this place flourish and see all the efforts you put into the rp, makes me glad to be here. thank you!!"      oh max and park viggo’s lyn wants to say -  "as one of those muns that has been in legacy from the very beginning, i've witnessed this rp grow and i can’t help but to feel extremely proud and happy for the admod team who works tirelessly to make sure that the progress isn’t only with the rp but genuinely with the muses within it. the admins take it into their own hands to celebrate the achievements that muses have obtained and put them on the spotlight, personally i've experienced screaming and getting emotionally overwhelmed with some of the mods at how happy and ecstatic i felt with some of the results for my muses. with that said i want to make it clear that my muses don’t always get what they want, when it happens, i do share some down time with said mods as well- not to complain but to just talk. the same happens vice versa, when the mods' muses don’t get a spot in future dreams or didn’t get the center of a group, or when they land a cf spot or has made progress by moving on a different path, i'm able to witness their reactions as muns as well- which quite frankly is humbling considering that it reminds me that their muns too and not just mods. essentially what i'm trying to say is that based on my experience and mine alone although i have no doubt i'm not the only one who feels this, clearly this post proves it, that the admod team is not just there to provide us with countless numbers of events or answer our endless amount of questions and woes with admirable patience or guide us in the right direction when we misplace a point or two in our submits, but rather to present us muns with a safe and progressive platform to comfortably establish and allow our muses to flourish in a highly entertaining environment. so thank you legacy team for your heartwarming and admirable work, i know this hasn’t been easy for you guys but hang in there, a lot of us got your backs ♡"

these are the folks who wanted to add something after this post was first published:

no one at the moment! if you want to say something to our lovely admins please either message them through the lgckrp askbox or, if you’re more shy, send me an IM or send it to lgchunji’s askbox with your message in quotations, which blogs you run, and your name/alias!

[the-lightning-strikes-again]

The Second Law Chapter 11 Review Replies

Thanks to the following awesome people for reviewing The Second Law last time: BeautifulMonsters, UltraFirelily, PetulantPanda, Brookelyn_Eliza, Star-gazer, gothlotor, anything_past_or_present, MalevoLiss, NickyADon, jayfeather555, TiffanyBlue, RogueSareth, notEriX, garbage_dono, baau, Miss_Lily, LordMortem, Qwennie_simon, Smallblaa, Hiccstridlover14, pinkychan, Nagisa94, Connor, KairaB, VeronikaR, TsuyuRyu, etienne18, stillmadaboutpetra, Rosenthorne, GrapeIcies, Little_Sarafina, MystiTrinqua, KiwiMargarita, Geeeny, Espanholina, Pearbellini, Nicole Johnson, Berrybanana, Dasha, Amanda, powdered_sugar, LeseLille, graciebuns, TheCelestialUnicorn, jediclarinetist, CreamcheeseBagel, Kitani, and mutedtempest!

I really appreciate your reviews and support, and I’m always so happy to see familiar names from previous chapters return. It means a lot!

You can read individual review replies below! :)

BeautifulMonsters: Ahh, thank you so much for your many kind words! I very much appreciate your support! Your reference to Lotor as Captain Marvel made me grin so hard; bless your heart. Thanks again for your review!

UltraFirelily: a;sdljfdl;fj I’m so glad you enjoyed the chapter, even if it moved pretty quick into an action sequence, haha! Thanks so much for always returning to this story; it’s such a great thing to see a review from you. Thanks again for the support!

PetulantPanda: Thank you so much for reading and review as always! And wow, I feel humbled by your very kind words. I truly hope to write a story that people can care about, even if canon didn’t turn out the way people wanted. I’m so happy you enjoy this crazy story! Thanks again!

Brookelyn_eliza: Ahh, thank you, dear! I really enjoy positive Lotor and Lance friendship interactions, and so I had a lot of fun playing with that here, and I’m so happy to hear you enjoyed that scene as well! Thanks again for reading and reviewing even as TSL moves toward a little more soul-crush; it means a lot!

Star-gazer: Yas, I so wanted to get rid of that pointless time dilation in canon, guh! I always felt it was a cop-out from what could have been really interesting political drama/Voltron taking responsibility for its actions. And eee, I’m glad you like a Lotor with agency too! He’s such a fascinating character to explore. I love all of his facets, haha. Thanks for reviewing and your ongoing support!

Gothlotor: Oh dear, I hope you found all of your marbles, haha. ;) I’m so happy that you find such enjoyment from this story. Thanks again for your support!

Anything_past_or_present: Huzzah! Thank you for your kind words! I’ve been really wanted to drop this other shoe for a while, haha, and I’m glad you enjoyed the drop! I appreciate all of your ongoing support with every chapter; it really means a lot! (Omg this message kind rhymes, haha.)

MalevoLiss: Wow, thank you for such high praise! For as much as canon Lance bothers me, haha, I really do believe that his character had a lot of potential to bring the team together. And to become a true friend and supporter to the rest of team Voltron. I’m hoping to expand on that in this story. As far as Lotor goes, I’ve been dying to give him back some agency haha! Bless you for hanging in there with this story. I really appreciate your support!

NickyADon: You think TSL is a roller coaster ride? That’s amazing, haha! I love roller coasters! Thank you for your kind words on my writing. It really means a lot to hear, haha. And I don’t work in the entertainment industry, but maybe one of these days, I’ll get to do something in written entertainment that’s not fanfic-related. XD (I can dream, right?) Anyway, thank you again for your reviews!

jayfeather555: Bless you for your review! And thanks for your kind words! They mean a lot!

TiffanyBlue: VLD as Shakespearean tragedy? Yeah, it felt pretty rough, haha. At least with, say, Romeo and Juliet, the story lets you know in the prologue they’re going to die. With VLD, Allura’s death was definitely a huge blindside for me—I did not expect them to pull that. But ahh thank you for your faith in me and my writing! I hope to continue living up to your expectations! And thank you so much for your ongoing reviews and support!

RogueSareth: Thank you for your review! I’m so glad you’re still enjoying the story!

notEriX: LOL, thanks for reviewing/screaming about Second Law! XD

garbage_dono: a;lsdjflfj Ahh, thank you dear for your kind words! I really like Honerva as a character and hope to flesh her out more as time goes on. And I LOVE messing around with what kind of quintessence powers this version of Lotor may have, haha. I’m so happy to hear that you’re still enjoying the story. Thanks again for all of your support!

Baau: Thank you for the hearts! <3

Miss_Lily: Bless you for your review! Things might get a little shaky in the upcoming chapters, but I promise not to pull an s8, haha.

LordMortem: Ahh, thank you for your patience with my slow update times! I really do hope to get better and faster at that in the future. In the meantime, thank you again for your support with this story!

Qwennie_simon: Thank you for your review! I really appreciate it!

Smallblaa: Oh, I totally agree! Seasons 7 and 8 were such firestorms of inconsistency, haha. But I’m so happy to hear you’re still enjoying this story! Thanks so much for your ongoing support!

Hiccstridlover14: Bless you for your ongoing support of this story; I really appreciate your reviews!

Pinkychan: Thank you for your review! Lotor’s definitely got some troubles with the paladins now, but I appreciate you hanging in there with the story! Thanks again for your support!

Nagisa94: Ahh, it was your birthday back when I’d updated with ch11? Wow, happy belated birthday, haha! I’m so glad you enjoyed the last chapter. Thank you for your support and reviews!

Connor: Bwahaha omg, “return to sender.” Bless your heart, that made me smile. Thanks for your review!

KairaB: Thank you for your kind words! VLD canon confirmed that those with quintessence like Honerva and Allura can go into minds, so I don’t doubt that this version of Lotor can do so as well. *cue a brow waggle.* I appreciate your reviews, as always, and hope you’re doing well too!

VeronikaR: Oh, I so want Allura and Lotor to have a good heart-to-heart too! Thank you so much for your review!

TsuyuRyu: Thanks for being patient with all of these long delays between chapters lately! I hope to get better at updating quicker. And ahh, I’m so happy to hear you enjoyed the latest chapter! Sometimes I worry I try to tackle too much within one chapter, haha. But about that battle between Lotor and Sendak…you might be onto something. XD Also, no worries about spelling mistakes; your English is great! Thank you again for all of your support!  

etienne18: I would love for them to make up too, haha. These characters kinda write themselves, so we’ll see what happens and what they’ll let me do. XD Thank you for your reviews!

Stillmadaboutpetra: I’m sorry to hear you’d been sick when you read last chapter! I do hope you’re doing better now. And oh my goodness, yes, team Voltron is not so good with information or politics in general, haha. Even though VLD is over now, thank you as well for continuing to read and review!

Rosenthorne: Wow, thank you for your high praise! It really means a lot, and I’m so happy you enjoyed last chapter. Thanks again for your review!

GrapeIcies: Thanks for your reviews! And lol, he gonna find out some more too on his own. *sips milkshake.*

Little_Sarafina: I’m so happy to hear you enjoy my characterizations in this story! Thank you for your support and reviews!

MystiTrinqua: Ahh, you caught my poor attempts to drop in some humor in the midst of the angst and suspense, haha. I’m glad you enjoyed it! I try to balance angst and comedy as best I can. XD Anyway, thank you so much for your review!

KiwiMargarita: Aww, don’t worry, dear! This story’s just getting started, and Lotor’s just getting his agency back. But he appreciates your sympathy, haha. <3 Thanks for your review!

Geeeny: Bless you for your delight in Softor! And loll, I had the same reaction when I wrote the first chapter of this story and then got attached to the concept. So there I was, just wanting to get an idea out of my head, and it started expanding, and I went, “Oh, no. Quiznak.” XD Anyway, thank you for your support and reviews!

Espanholina: Thank you for all of your reviews and supports! I really appreciated reading your thoughts and am so glad to hear you’re still enjoying it as chapters go by! Thanks again!

Pearbellini: Thank you kindly for your review and ongoing support with this story!

Nicole Johnson: And bless your heart for reading and reviewing this crazy story, haha. I really appreciate it!

Berrybanana: Wow, thank you for all of your reviews! That really means a lot! “I am not an isolated system” is a phrase that’s very near and dear to my heart, because it’s so easy to feel like an isolated system in this world—I wanted Lotor to not have to be one either! I’m so happy to hear you were still enjoying things as you made it to the last chapter. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

Dasha: Oh wow, an acquaintanceship between Lotor and the Blade of Marmora? I like the way you think! Thank you as always for reviewing!

Amanda: Ahh, thank you for continuing to read and review! Yes, the show’s questionable handling of the tension between Alteans and Galrans made me wince sometimes, haha. And it really seemed to suggest that beneath Lotor’s stated pride in his Galran blood, he has a serious issue with it, to be willing to attack his own. I hope to explore that a little more as time goes by. And I really do believe that the true Princess Allura would be able to grow past her own prejudices as well! Anyway, thank you again for reviewing!

Powdered_sugar: I cry in public sometimes too while I write this story, haha. XD As far as social media goes, you can always reach me here on tumblr. I would love to see what memes you have to share! Thanks again for your reviews!

LeseLille: Bless you for enjoying Fang & Toothy Lotor too! I love this sassy, sharp boy, haha. Thank you for reading and writing all of your reviews; I really appreciate it!

Graciebuns: Oh my goodness, your reviews are always such a blessing to me. I really appreciate your thoughtful reflections on this crazy story! Thank you for all of your kindness and support!

TheCelestialUnicorn: Ahh, I think I hear you crying! I would give you a blankie and a Lotor to cuddle if I could! (And yeah, s8 broke my heart too—even as it continues to inspire me to write the Lotor and paladin interactions we never got in canon, haha.) Thank you for your review!

Jediclarinetist: LOL, I will try to keep working on this story. So far, so good! I have a full outline and a much clearer plan for where I would like to go with it. In the meantime, thank you so much for your review and support!

CreamcheeseBagel: Thank you for taking a chance on this wild story of mine, even though you’re skeptical about Voltron stories in general! I really appreciate your kind words. And ahh, I imagine Allura could really make Lotor do a double-take if she were to use her powers to make herself taller or stronger, haha! Thanks again!  

Kitani: Ahh, thank you dear for you support on both VLD and DP! It really means a lot! I might write slowly, but I’m usually cooking up something to post, even in the silence, haha. Always feel free to reach out to me here on tumblr if you’re ever wondering the status of something. Thanks again for your review!

Mutedtempest: I could never forget about TSL, haha. I do hope to continue this story for a long while yet and see it through to its completion. Your ongoing support of it really means a lot to me. Thanks again!

[arcanalogue]

Hello, could you please help me with a question I’ve been thinking about for a while? I’ve been single for a while now due to various life reasons. I’ve been quite unsatisfied and feeling lonely for some time, and am wondering as to how I should approach this - should I continue looking or settle in and focus on other stuff for a bit? Thanks so much for reading and I appreciate your help. :)

Hello, and thanks for your patience -- I’ve had a busy week at work, but this question has been on my mind.

I’m never going to be the one to tell you “Just live your life, and the right person will come along.” Holding out hope for love seems to require a certain amount of vigilance. It takes time and effort to explore the world with this intent, constantly putting one’s best foot forward. When we’re keen on finding romance, we end up doing all sorts of things we’d never spend time on otherwise, with people who may or may not end up becoming very important to us. This necessarily DOES take time and energy away from other things we might ordinarily find ourselves doing.

Unfortunately, for those who are single for long stretches -- or those with an insatiable romantic appetite -- this pastime can become inseparable from your identity, crowding out many other potential interests. And when you’re constantly viewing yourself through the eyes of a prospective love interest, certain other ways of appreciating yourself fall by the wayside.

I have pulled three cards commenting on the situation, each imparting its own flavor of advice, and none of them are mutually exclusive.

1. Allow yourself to honestly reconnect with the world

I promise you are still worth knowing, and worthy of love, even when you’re not constantly advertising your best qualities. The Six of Cups urges the kind of connection with others -- strangers, friends, everyone -- that allows you to be simply yourself, the person who you are now.

This is the reason we have to leave the house believing “I am enough.” No matter who you are, not everyone’s going to be impressed with you, and being single can make you extra sensitive to others’ reactions. You need to start every day from a place of “I am enough” and let that carry you into honest connections with people. You will see the effect it has on others, many of whom are starved for this exact kind of interaction.

People who are ruled by their desires do not make this kind of time for others. We skip right past these incidental moments, ruthlessly at times, on to the more important thing.

Whether these patient, honest interactions result in any kind of attraction is entirely irrelevant -- but if they do, you’ll be able to trust that a person is seeing who you are right this moment, instead of the person you wish you were, or are trying to be.

And it will honestly heal your heart to connect this way with others. The heart has so many important functions that go far beyond romantic intent. We have to practice opening up to others in small ways, if we have any hope of being able to open up to special individuals in a big way.

2. Let yourself be sad.

Presenting ourselves as ready for romance often means painting a happy face on past struggles. A person who dwells on the past can seem disqualified from seeking love in the present.

I’m here to say that if your heart hurts, let it hurt.  

Even when you’re happily involved with a partner, there are going to be days when your heart hurts over past miseries, and you have to deal with it as best you can. A new love isn’t a fresh light bulb that gets screwed into the old socket. It doesn’t heal the injuries left behind from the last one.

Your pain and doubt don’t disqualify you from being lovable. Put effort into healing yourself, accept yourself (and your loneliness) as a work in progress, and don’t feel that you have to hide this work from others. You should be proud of what you’ve managed so far, and it equips you to understand others who are may be at a different place in the same journey.

When we try to cover up our hurt places, they become aggravated and inflamed. Be honest with yourself about where you are in your healing, and you’ll be less likely to sign on for something you’re truly not ready for.

3. The future remains yours to make.

When our romantic situation is uncertain (or non-existent), we can feel uncomfortable exploring major new life opportunities on our own. How will this appear to others? What if it ends up excluding some other option down the road? And so forth.

On a symbolic level, it aggrieves us to tackle certain decisions that we’d hoped to make with a partner. Also, it causes headaches for the part of you that’s always trying to view yourself through a prospective lover’s eyes.

While we’re waiting around for our life to happen the way we’d hoped, crucial time is passing us by. Taking control of your own life story is never a bad look, and let’s face it: anyone who might be deterred by your independence and your commitment to fulfilling your own vision of the future is going to be a problem in the long run.

We all fantasize about someone showing up and making the hard decisions for us. Or even a situation where someone else’s limitations help whittle our own options down to a more manageable size. However, this is your chance to find out what you’re truly capable of -- you have the rest of your life to navigate other people’s limitations.

So try not view yourself as half of the equation, seeking its other half in order to fully resolve. You are enough. Romance is an uncertain part of any life, but there are certainties you can offer yourself in the meantime, if you’re brave enough to try. 

Have a tarot reading request or tarot-related question for Arcanalogue? Ask here. Tips accepted (but not required) via Venmo, @arcanalogue. Or support my Patreon? I’d love that.

[im8gine]

C:。ミ >>  I know I say this a lot, and for a newish rp blog it’s kind of a bad impression, but I would once again like to apologize for my absence.  work has been a bit overwhelming lately, and I’ve been having a hard time finding motivation to write after coming home late from my shifts or from school.

C:。ミ >>  I apologize to all of those waiting on a reply from me.  I’ve been working on drafts bit by bit, but I find myself refusing to accept what I have written, so I start over.  this is clearly a confidence issue on my end, but that isn’t exactly a good excuse as to why I’ve kept you all waiting.  I’m truly sorry.

C:。ミ >>  I promise I will work on drafts and start getting back into the swing of things when I find the time and confidence to do so.  in the meantime, thank you so much for your continued patience.  I cannot possibly express how thankful I am to be in a community this considerate and supportive.  you guys seriously mean the world to me.  stay tuned for more, and stay fresh~ 💕

[sablelab]

Three Days in the Highlands Chapter 30

DISCLAIMER:

This is a complete work of fiction and as such is an entirely fabricated tale created in my imagination.  I appreciate you taking the time to read my story . Many thanks xox

SYNOPSIS:

Sam and Caitriona journey home to find a cranky cat on the warpath for being left alone and a tired woman in need of a warm bath after her long day climbing her first Munro.

Chapter 30

The journey back home was more expedient than their early travels to Mount Schiehallion this morning.  They had taken the scenic route then but Sam had decided to take the quickest way home along the highway to get back as quickly as possible.  They had both had a busy day and he knew that Caitriona had had an exhausting one for climbing a Munro for the very first time was extremely taxing.  Unfortunately Cait had also hurt her ankle and had some discomfort in her knees as well. No doubt by the time they got home, her body would also be screaming out in muscle soreness after climbing over all those rocky boulders.  Some of the climb down had been a little steep too, and Sam thought his decision to take the gentler route had been the best option.  Although his Cait was quite fit, climbing a Munro was no mean feat. He was so proud of her efforts today that as soon as they got home he would run a bath for her to ease those kinks out of her system.

Caitriona was quiet in the car on the journey home and Sam let her have her solitude. From time to time he looked over towards his weary passenger and saw that Cait had closed her eyes obviously taking a moment to let herself relax to the quiet humming of the Audi as it purred along the motorway home.  In the meantime, although he concentrated on the drive back to his home, he couldn’t help but recall the best moments they had shared today. This day had been exceptional and he was very proud of Caitriona’s feat in conquering Mount Schiehallion. There were many highlights throughout the day; however, the fact that they had made love at the summit was indeed the best highlight of all after she had said yes to his impromptu proposal.  Memories ... they had made special memories today and nothing would please him more than if tonight would be a continuation of what had been a most remarkable day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sam glanced over at his love once more and was distracted by how beautiful Cait looked in repose.  He could look at her forever in that state of sleep when her breathing was regulated and her warm body nestled against his own. He would often just caress her sleeping form enamoured with this gorgeous woman whom he loved to distraction before Caitriona awoke each morning with that sleepy smile that touched his heart.  He never tired of running his hands tantalizingly across her warm silken skin which would cause Cait to rouse from slumber.  Then that look on her face when she eventually opened her eyes to find him worshiping her amongst the rumpled bed sheets, the evidence of their lovemaking during the night.

Taking his eyes from the road yet again they caressed his fiancée’s sleepy form. That was a bad move for Sam was immediately transported to them lying in bed with Caitriona cuddled up beside him with her long limbs entwined with his body as they slept after making love.  He smiled as Cait’s chest rose and fell in synchronised breathing rhythm and didn’t disturb her whilst she had a wee little nap.  Reluctantly he broke his gaze and continued to study the white line along the road trying to get his thoughts back to normal and drive them safely home.  Sam knew that if he continued along this vein of thought he could easily get distracted and crash the Audi or cause an accident. However, his thoughts were eventually interrupted by the languid purring sound of his name.

“Sam?”

“Yes hon?”

“I was thinking that when we get home I will have a long soak in the tub.”

He laughed. “You don’t say.”

“Yes, I’m feeling a bit sore in my joints and now that we have stopped walking they are starting to manifest themselves.  I may need you to give me a foot massage too.”

“I can do that. Anything else?”

“Hmm? ... Maybe a nice fire and perhaps some whisky.”

“I’m at your service Madame, I am all yours.  As soon as we get home, those things can be arranged.”

Caitriona was well and truly awake now and smiling; she reached out her hand and rested it on Sam’s thigh giving it a little squeeze. “Thanks babe.”

“Ah, Cait.  I wouldn’t do that if I were you. You know what happened the last time you got overly frisky in the car.”

Cait merely gave him one of her looks that had his temperature rising in nano seconds. “Hmm? ... Yes I do recall that you had to pull over ...”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sam squirmed a little in his seat as her fingers tantalisingly inched closer to his groin. There was no way that he could pull over this time although his Caitriona would test the patience of a saint, so in order to avoid any further dalliance, he changed the subject. “So how do you think you went on your first real Munro climb?”

Cait was looking at him intently, and seeing the playful gleam in her eye, he was mesmerised by the seductive teasing of the woman too close for comfort.

“Spoil sport,” she replied taking her hand from his thigh and resting it back in her lap.  “It was a great experience for me and an honour to make the acquaintance of Mount Schiehallion. It was equally great to have had the experience with such a wonderful companion.”

“Who me?”

“Yes of course.  I couldn’t have done this without you Sam.  You were my rock.”

He laughed. “I thought you would never want to say that word again Cait.”

“Well I have seen enough rocks to last me a lifetime, that’s true, but you are a different kind of rock.  You’re my rock. You were supportive and helpful when the climb was difficult, and I can lean on you like I did today.”

“We have each other’s back babe. Ditto. Schiehallion is a good first Munro to climb don’t you think?”

“It is but all those false summits near the top were frustrating particularly when I thought we were close to the peak and I wasn’t expecting that rocky ridge to be like that.”

“But it was worth it for the view alone.”

“Oh, yes the view was spectacular.”

“Yes, yes it was and I don’t only mean the view from the summit,” Sam replied with an underlying meaning.  

“You can say that again.”

Caitriona looked at him and saw that devilish smile that lit up his whole face.  His eyes were dancing in merriment but also with a piercing look she recognised very well. Quickly changing the subject, she looked out the window at the passing scenery knowing that to continue their conversation in the same vein could lead to trouble.  

“So, do we have far to go Sam? I feel a little disorientated as I don’t recognise anything like what we passed this morning.”

“I’m taking the quickest way back home honey and if we’re lucky we’ll arrive before it gets too dark.”

“That’s good, because Eddie will be cranky having been left to her own devices all day.”

“I bet she has done nothing but sleep.”

“You’d be surprised what Eddie can get up to when she is lonely.”

“Cats don’t get lonely. Do they?”

“They do. They can get up to all sorts of mischief if they are bored and left to their own devices.”

“Eddie wouldn’t do that. She just loves to sleep and eat.”

“True but you saw what she was like with the laser pen you teased her with Sam.  She loves being challenged like all cats do.”

“Well then, let’s hope that Miss Moggie has been true to form and slept all day.”

“I guess we will see when we get home.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

By the time they did arrive back home from Mount Schiehallion it was starting to turn dark. Sam parked the Audi and decided not to unpack the car until the morning. There was nothing of importance that needed tending to tonight except for his lady love.  He planned to spoil her rotten with all the things that would make Cait happy after her climb and ease away any pain she might have.

With a “Hello house,” they both got out of the car and headed back inside.

As they walked over the threshold they noticed one of two things.  Eddie was nowhere to be seen and there was a scattered mess across the floor where she had obviously been playing whilst they were away.

“Oh well you did try to warn me Cait but I am surprised that Eddie would be so destructive.”

“She has certainly made a mess. Understandable as we have been gone for several hours and this house is unfamiliar to her.  I wonder where she could be?”

“Slinking away somewhere hoping that we won’t find her is my guess.”

“You have a look down here Sam and I’ll go and check upstairs.”

Armed with his instructions, Sam scoured the bottom floor of the house looking for a hiding place that a fat, little cat could be. She was not on her scratching post nor was she in her basket.  Eddie had polished off the dry food that had been left for her in the kitchen, so she hadn’t gone hungry whilst they had been gone. Wherever she was, Sam knew that she would be sleeping somewhere with a full belly.  He searched high and low in each room looking for her but to no avail.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Making his way back to the lounge room, Sam took inventory of the mess that Eddie had made. It was evident that she had been having loads of fun as every stuffed toy that she owned was scattered across the floor as if she had organised a group party in their absence. Not having any luck in finding her, he decided to set the fire in the hearth instead and then investigate what was in the refrigerator that they could have for dinner. He was just about to make his way to the kitchen when he heard Cait call out from upstairs.

“Sam ... up here hon!”

Turning he made his way to the staircase and taking the stairs two at a time he was soon in their bedroom where he found Cait waiting for him.

“What’s up?”

“I found Eddie. She is curled up in the vanity basin fast asleep. Come I’ll show you.”

Holding hands they quietly tiptoed in to the ensuite and sure enough, there in the porcelain basin was one sleepy moggie purring to her little heart’s content.  She had her head snuggled into her body as if she had not a care in the world. The contented sound of her breathing was clearly evidence to her having exerted all of her energy playing downstairs with her toys.

Standing side by side, Cait leaned her body into Sam and nestled her head on his shoulder. Placing his arm around her waist, he hugged Caitriona to his side as they stood there watching Eddie asleep like proud parents.

She smiled up at Sam before resting her glance on her beloved pet. “Isn’t she adorable honey? Just look at her all curled up and sleeping like a baby.”

“I’m not surprised that she is dogged tired given what she has managed to wreck downstairs.”

“But isn’t she the sweetest little ball of fur you ever did see?”

“Yes she’s adorable.  Just like her human mother.”

Cait hugged Sam too, sliding her arms around his waist and locking them together.  “She will often snuggle down like that in the basin at home while I would take a bath.”

“Well then shall we leave her there?  Would you like me to run a bath for you?”

“Oh yes that would be deliciously decadent.”

“Good. I’ll do that and then I’ll clean up downstairs and get some dinner ready while you have a long leisurely soak. Meanwhile Eddie can stay where she is until you finish your bath.”

“Yes she’ll be fine there.  When she’s hungry she’ll go downstairs on her own.  After all she got in there all by herself, she will be able to get out without any help from us too.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

At the sound of their voices, Eddie impassively raised her head to look at the two humans watching her.  She blinked her eyes sleepily and looked from one of them to the other as if to say ...

“Ah, so you’re back now are you?” and “No.  I am not leaving my comfy spot for anyone. Where have you two been all day leaving me here on my own? Humans!  I’ll never understand them.”

Then dismissively, Eddie stretched out her paws and gave them several licks to preen her fur before settling herself back down and promptly falling back to sleep once more.

“She’s ignoring us Sam.  It’s payback for leaving her alone.”

“I’m sure Miss Diva is quite comfortable there by the looks of things, come on honey, I’ll run a bath for you. Leave Miss Moggie in her resting place and you hop in that bath to help ease those kinks from your body.”

“Oh, that sounds like heaven Sam.”

“It will be just what the doctor ordered.  A good long soak in the tub and you’ll feel a 100% better. Make sure you use plenty of that beautiful smelling bubble bath lotion that you use that makes your skin smell like ambrosia from the gods. ”

“Thank you honey. I’ll do that.”

Sam true to his promise then walked over to the bathtub, placed the plug in the bath and turned on the taps.  Soon the sound of gushing water echoed in the bathroom as the bath began to fill up and steam began to rise from the hot liquid.

“There you go babe. I’ll be right downstairs if you need anything, anything at all.” he replied giving her a wink.

“If I need your help I’ll call out.”

“I could dry you with a towel if you like after you finish your bath,” Sam added with a devilish grin on his face.

Caitriona gave him the side eye but a grin bowed her lips at his remark. “On second thought, perhaps you can come up later and check to see that I haven’t drowned or fallen asleep in the bath.  I’m sure once I get in the tub that warm water will make me feel sleepy.”

“Your every wish is my command mistress.  I’ll clean up Eddie’s mess, get some dinner and check up on you.  Is that right?”

“Oh Sam, don’t make me laugh. I have just discovered that my muscles hurt when I do that.  Go on, off you go. I’ll be fine here. Really.”

Placing a chaste kiss to her weary forehead Sam ushered her over towards the bath.  “I’ll be back.  You just relax and enjoy.”

“Yes master.”

Sam chuckled to himself as he left his love alone, that is, except for Eddie who was sleeping in the basin, to prepare for her bath.

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Thanks for reading. xox

[behindthebeautylens]

Insight from the Ultimate Mom-Manager: Interview with Melanie C.

Mom’s Perspective…

My name is Melanie and I am the mother of three beautiful children, my middle child being Mia who is now a LA-based model signed with DT Model Management - a premier modeling agency and every girl’s dream.

I was the typical stay at home mom. I was a member of PTA, drove a minivan and was the team mom for multiple youth sports.

When Mia was around 10 years old, a close friend suggested I send a photo into a Seattle modeling agency. Mia was a shy, healthy, natural child with freckles and long brunette hair. She had a “girl next door” ease about her that made everyone love her. She was shy and seemed to be satisfied to be a Wallflower. I introduced Mia into modeling to build her confidence. I always believed that all women are beautiful and we should not compare ourselves to others but love ourselves for our uniqueness. Every little freckle.

Getting Signed with an Agency…

When Mia was 10 she signed with Seattle Model’s Guild, one of the best agencies in Seattle. Most castings and shoots are during weekdays so she did miss a lot of school. I learned that open communication with teachers and officials is a must if your child is in the modeling or acting business. Thankfully, Mia was able to keep her grades up while modeling weekly. Mia worked for Nordstrom’s, Eddie Bauer, and Union Bay. She had a lot of fun modeling and even though she kept it secret from her classmates, it built her confidence. She learned many valuable lessons. She was working with professional adults and learned communication skills and time management as well as patience. She learned to earn her paycheck and we opened her a savings account building her future.

I was Mia’s manager and SMG was her agency but I always treated Mia as a partner and discussed all jobs, photographers, and payment so she could learn to make good decisions.  As Mia grew taller she began to outgrow the children’s division. We found that there was no market in Seattle for “tweens.” She still wanted to work and I knew she needed to develop her modeling skills so we began portfolio building for adult modeling. SMG signed her onto an adult contract but we became frustrated with lack of jobs. I nicknamed this time as “being on the shelf.” By this, I mean young models are under contract but there are no paying jobs until they reach 17 – 18yrs due to state work restrictions. Agencies are not forthcoming about this period of time. In fact, she wanted to work so bad we signed in Oregon as well. She worked for NIKE and that was when we learned about restrictions. The client at NIKE explained any model under 18yrs old can only work half day so they don’t book under 18. NIKE did not know she was 17. 

At age 15, we began to build a portfolio. Mia’s first shoot was with the one and only Jennifer Mcintyre. Mia learned so much from working with Jennifer. She was also introduced to older models and fashion runway. The agency was against fashion shows but I believe it was good experience and it was. Mia shot a few editorials and was published in five different magazines. 

Restricting Standards.

Over time, we became increasingly frustrated with the Seattle market and Mia did a few independent paid jobs. The Seattle market preferred different measurements than Mia and the agency discussed this issue with me. They told me Mia was too short and too curvy. This was viewed as not preferred by the area clientele they served. Mia was 5’8 and a size 0/2. The desired measurements were 5’9 and up and size 0.

I disagreed.

These restrictive standards caused some stress for Mia due to Mother Nature. I believe it is a good thing to be the healthiest version of yourself. It is unhealthy to take drastic measures to change into what someone else wants you to be. There is constant pressure on models to loose inches and they are frequently measured.

I took matters into my own hands and I began reaching out to top LA agencies. Ford requested to see her when she turned 18 after I sent them some images. Our favorite models were always GUESS and Victoria Secret models. I reached out to GUESS headquarters and they recommended her agency send her. Both SMG and Muse had no contacts with the clients Mia wanted to work with. It was clear she would need to move to LA. Ultimately, we released her from SMG and Muse so she would be a free agent. 

Networking in Los Angeles.

We took a few trips to Los Angeles to see if that’s where Mia wanted to move. I began speaking to top LA photographers that I found through Instagram. In the meantime, Mia reached out to Paul Marciano, the owner of GUESS and when she turned 18 he invited her to meet him in LA. We flew to LA, met and shot with a top photographer, Josh Ryan, who does GUESS campaigns and also shoots for Playboy and Maxim. Josh recommended to DT Models that they become her mother agency. The next day Mia had a test shoot at GUESS. The team called DT Models to sign Mia immediately which we were stunned and very grateful for.

When Mia walked into DT Model Management, the next day, they told her she was tall and perfect exactly they way she was. I was extremely happy! We found an agency we felt at home with. I love that they also supported Mia’s return home to Washington State to attend and graduate high school properly. I felt that they were the perfect fit for Mia. The arrangement was that DT Models would have Mia return to LA and they would provide housing in a model apartment for her to live in. In April 2019, she flew to LA independently to do her first commercial shoot for GUESS. It was a great success. Mia was very happy to be part of a wonderful agency.

After graduating high school, Mia moved to LA within two weeks. We made it a family vacation and exciting road trip. All three kids drove in Mia’s car while my husband and I drove in the truck with her belongings. It was a wonderful trip and we spent a week with her at Venice Beach before we moved her into her model apartment. Of course I was devastated to leave my little girl but incredibly proud of the brave young woman she had become. Thank god for FaceTime! We still see each other and speak almost daily. We continue to communicate about jobs, health, and photographers.

Today it has almost been a year since Mia has signed. Mia had great success in LA and was excited to be on GUESS store posters nationwide last Christmas. She signed with two other agencies - NEXT in Miami and Leni’s in London. In January 2020, she moved to London where she was working weekly.

Inspiration for Model Moms.

From a model mom’s perspective, the lessons learned are to never give up and be steadfast in demanding young models are valued for who they are and the size they are. Maintaining a healthy child is hard even without the pressures of a society and external agencies telling you that your model kid is not thin or tall enough. This world needs models of all sizes and looks to demonstrate inclusivity to reach all types of customers. Never settle or accept something you know in your heart to not be a good fit for your child.

Best of luck to all mom-managers out there managing the careers of their young models. It’s hard work but it truly does pay off even if it doesn’t end up in a modeling contract. Your child will thank you for your efforts.

Follow Mia @mia_schubert // Agencies: @dtmodelmgmt @nextmodels @lenisagency