#inconsistency i funny like that. its also funny to me that now a days i get comments like COLORS!!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[ghostfanwriter]

💖🧰 𝐃𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 🧰💖

Part five

←Previous part

💖 Pairing: Joel Miller x Virgin!Fem! Reader

🧰 Synopsys: Joel comes back with a few gifts for you, and you ask Frank to make him a gift as well.

💖 Features: Reader daydreams about Joel and touches him, graphic but no smut per say (I think?); Pet names and Joel guiding her as she touches him.

🧰 Word Count: Around 7k.

💖 About this: This doesn't move the plot a lot, but it moves the story on the sense that he shows her how he cares about her and she cares about him back?

🧰 Author's Note: Inconsistency is key over here. Impostor syndrome decided to pay me a visit and also now that spring's coming I'm working like crazy, and so my writing got a bit slowed down. Hope you like this, I put a lot of love into it 🩷

His backpack, a lantern, a gun.

A guitar, a leather bag with tools, another bag with brushes and small cans of paint.

All of his things surround Joel as he sits on the floor of an abandoned convenience store somewhere far from Lincoln.

He took his time to block the doors and windows before checking his list and winding down.

The day went by smoothly, with no encounters with any infected or alive. He found everything he was looking for, especially the things he was looking for you.

He takes a box from his backpack and opens it, taking a camera and its instructions out of it. He has to squint his eyes and hold the paper away from his face so the words become clear for his tired eyes.

He opens the small packaging with photo papers and fills the camera, turning it on, looking at the ceiling and quietly praying it'd still be functioning.

He knew how happy you'd be if he got it back to you. How you'd finally be able to have things looking just like the real thing.

The camera turns on and he smiles, then looks around, thinking of what he could take a picture of to test if it still worked. When he finds nothing interesting, he turns the lens to himself and takes a photo, that comes out perfectly.

His face doesn't help it, though, and he grunts when he sees it.

He looks old. Old and tired.

No.

He doesn't look old and tired. He is old and tired.

Too old, too tired.

Too old and tired for you. What is he thinking?

He crumples the photo, setting it aside, crumpling his thoughts along with it.

He's been through it.

He is getting old. But he knows his feelings, knows his feelings for you. He'd never get close to you if he didn't know how he feels for you.

He wouldn't because he'd kill the man that did to Sarah what he did to you. There's no questioning that.

But he knows how he feels for you. He knows how you feel for him. He can't just vanish now, just go away, it's too late to realize this was all a bad idea.

He can't let you not believe in love because an old man broke your heart.

He goes back to his backpack and grabs one of the containers with the food you prepared for him. Opening the lid, he sees the shredded chicken and breathes in deeply, smiling at how good it smells. The images of you preparing it that morning star replaying in his mind, taking him right back to it.

To how sunny and happy you looked, how your hair was messy from wearing that funny hat the whole morning, how your skin was glistening from being in the sun picking the crops for breakfast.

How your skirt moved along with your body, how your shirt hugged your chest so nicely. How more comfortable you were around him this morning, compared to the one before. How much closer you got the night before...

He cuts his thoughts when he starts feeling a tightness on his jeans. He adjusts himself, then takes a picture of the food.

He wants to save it, to remember it. Remember having you taking care of him like that.

Even in the poorly lit room the camera somehow manages to take an intelligible photo again, and he hums, pleased with it.

He puts it back inside its box and grabs a fork, devouring the chicken, humming with the taste and texture of it.

Still chewing, he grabs a pancake and rips it, using it to grab some of the chicken and eating them together, laughing at how good it tastes.

He keeps eating, thinking about how you're probably having dinner with your dads right now. How he'd be sitting across from you, how he'd take your ankle between his and caress it.

The scene makes him smile.

But he can't help but think about the last time he had dinner at a table, eating and talking, everyone going through their days and laughing.

How long ago it was.

How Sarah was still there.

How he wishes he had her with him.

He thinks about what he told you, about how you two would be good friends if you've ever met.

Thinking about her hurts too much, so he avoids it. And doing so he never thinks about her as anything but a fourteen years old.

Never thinks about how she would be old enough today to have her own children. How if things never went to hell he could maybe even be a grandfather today.

He shoves more food in his mouth, trying to take his mind away from what his life could be. Away from such painful places.

He finishes his food quickly, thinking about whatever, as long as it didn't hurt so much.

And he wishes you were here, with him. He feels comfortable with you, he trusts you. He would think about Sarah if you were with him, he'd go through his memories, would cry even. Because you'd be there with him.

But you're not, so he lays down, using the bag filled with your clothes as a pillow, thinking about you. About how you'll probably try all the new clothes and show them to him. How pretty he knows you're gonna look in them.

He picks up the photo he crumpled and straightens it back, thinking about how upset you'll be if he tells you he took a picture of himself and threw it away.

He falls asleep with the thought of caring for you. Keeping you safe and well, like he failed to do for Sarah. How Sarah always wanted him to be happy, how happy she must be seeing that he's maybe finally found peace and love.

You hardly closed your eyes all night, thinking about him.

If he was okay, if something happened, if the coffee was good, if the food was enough.

You're lying on a rocking chair on your porch, almost falling asleep when Bill walks out of your house.

"Hey, baby. Sit up, close your legs. Joel's back." He says, tapping your shoulders, and your heart starts racing inside your chest.

"Joel already?" You ask.

"Yeah, just saw him through the cameras." He says.

"Oh, there he is." Frank says, following Bill towards the gates.

You resist the urge to get up and run to him, and just bend over the porch fence, focusing on controlling the wide smile trying to break through your face.

He's back. Hopefully he's alright. Your eyes and nose burn just from the anticipation to see him.

When your dads are getting near the gate you see him more clearly. Carrying at least six bags, all full, seemingly very heavy too.

Joel greets your dads with a smile and a "Hey."

"Hey, how'd it go?" Bill asks.

"Fine, no problems. Found everything and some more." He responds.

Bill looks at him, then eyes his guns.

"Bill, I think we can trust him." Frank says, smiling awkwardly, and Joel shakes his head, setting all his bags on the floor.

"No, he's right. You can't lower your guard." Joel says, looking past your dads. "You've got something important to protect." He adds, handing your dad his guns.

"That I do." Bill says with a smile, taking them and some of Joel's many full bags.

"You didn't have to bring this all back. We could take it by car later." Frank tells him between grunts, also taking a few bags.

"It's fine." He says quietly as they begin walking towards the house, and Frank looks back at him.

"Is everything alright? Where there really no problems back there?" He asks Joel, slowing down his pace so Bill wouldn't listen to them.

"Yeah, no. It was fine." He responds, looking at the house, already looking for you, smiling when he sees you almost falling over the porch to look at him.

"She was crazy worried about you." Frank says, looking at you. "Stayed on her window until dinner time, waiting for you. Probably wouldn't have eaten if I didn't call her."

"I'm sorry." Joel says, looking at Frank, and he frowns.

"For what?" He asks, and Joel looks back down, avoiding your dad's eyes.

"For her. She told me she, well... Told you about us." He says.

"Oh, yeah... I mean, she's been lying to me." He says, and Joel looks at him. "I saw you two before you left. Didn't know you were, you know... there already." Frank says, and Joel gulps, his shoes seeming more interesting to him than ever before as he stares at them to not look at your dad.

Oh Frank...

...You've been so much further than that.

"I'm sorry, I don't even know if I should have ever gotten close to her. Shouldn't have talked to her, looked at her." Joel says, and Frank looks at you, smiling.

"Look at her, Joel." Frank says, and he looks at you.

All of his sadness, worry and tiredness dissolve when your eyes scrunch with your smile.

Shining as always, a big, now shameless and uncontrolled smile on your face. He can't help but smile back at you.

"She hadn't smiled like that for a while before you arrived. Definitely didn't smile like that since you left yesterday." He says, and Joel looks at him. "You're making her happy. That's all a father can care about." He says, and Joel's stomach hurts.

He knows that feeling all too well. He misses feeling it.

They reach the porch and you scan him up and down, trying to see if there's anything different on him.

"Are you okay?" You ask, your brows furrowed, your eyes worried.

"Yeah, b—." He curses himself. "I'm alright. Just a bit tired." He says, looking at Bill, praying he didn't catch the nickname he almost let slip out.

"Are you hungry? We were about to have lunch." You say.

"Well, your chicken is starting to wear out." He laughs.

"Well, then let's go in. You need some rest." Frank interrupts you two, bringing a few of his bags in. Bill follows him, also carrying some of them.

You and Joel share half a second together, while you also pick up a few bags.

"Take just this one. It's all yours." He says, handing you a soft and heavy bag.

"Oh — God. Is this all just my clothes?" You ask, grunting when you pick it up.

"Yeah. I found a really nice dress, think you'll really like it." He says, smiling.

"You didn't need to bring all this weight, Joel." You say, feeling bad for the effort he made for you.

"It's fine, baby." He reassures you. "It was for you."

You smile at him, making an actual effort to not go and hug him.

You were so worried, so stressed. It's been a day, and you feel like you haven't seen him in weeks.

Footsteps coming from inside cut your thoughts, and you turn around and start going inside, finding Bill on your way to the living room.

"Everything okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, was just telling Joel he didn't need to bring me all this stuff. It's really heavy." You say.

"It was the only heavy thing I brought though. The heavier stuff stayed." Joel explains himself, walking in, carrying the remaining bags.

You place your bag next to the coffee table and turn around, looking back at him. And you notice something behind his back.

"Is that...?" You ask with a big smile, pointing at the guitar.

"Oh, yeah. It is." He says, smiling. "Found a good one." He takes it off and holds it in front of himself for you to take it.

"Ah! Thank you." You scream quickly, taking it and going to sit on the couch besides Frank. "Did you only find one?" You ask, looking around and noticing there are no others.

"Uh, no. A store full of them." He starts. "But I still had a lot to look for, so I just took this one." He explains.

"We can share this one, it's fine." You say, smiling.

He sits on an armchair and rests his backpack by his feet, opening it to look for your camera.

"Here, Bill, this is yours." Frank says, handing him a big leather bag with tools.

"Oh, look at these, baby." Bill says, sitting by your side and opening the bag.

"Oh, wow! More tools, how exciting, dad!" You joke, acting like you're more excited about them than you actually are.

"Haha, funny. What did you ask for again? Huh?" He asks, and you give him a look. "What was it, baby?" He insists.

"Nothing. I asked for nothing." You lie, and Bill looks at Joel.

"Clothes. She asked for clothes." He says, laughing, his cheeks red and his eyes glistening.

He loves seeing you with Bill. You two are exactly what he thinks him and Sarah would still be like.

He'd love her more than anything, they'd joke around and he'd kill anyone who tried to brush a finger on her.

"Joel! C'mon, that's so unfair. You can't be in his side!" You say before he's finished speaking, acting like you're mad at him.

"Oh, yeah, clothes! The thing your wardrobe is full of." Bill says over you, laughing.

You rarely see your dad so laid back. You love to see him laughing and having fun. And it's interesting to notice how much in common he has with Joel, how they always agree on what has to be done and how to do it, how they make fun of you the very same way. In other circumstances, you'd say they'd be good friends.

You and your dad keep arguing about tools and clothes, playfully hitting each other.

"Hey, this is for you too." Joel interrupts you, beckoning for you to come towards him. When you do he hands you a small book with guitar instructions.

"I thought you were gonna teach me." You say, disappointed, and he laughs.

"I will, I'm just messing with you." He says, removing the camera from his backpack and showing it to you.

"AAAaaah!" You scream again, this time for longer, your eyes wide and your voice high. "No! Joel, where did you find this?" You ask, bending down to hug him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." You say on his neck, still not letting go.

He caresses your back, looking awkwardly at Bill, who looks at Frank, frowning.

"Enough, baby. Let him go." Frank tells you, distracted by what he's looking at, but you're too busy enjoying Joel to hear him.

Too busy feeling relief, the hug much more thankfulness for him being back than for the camera. He's here, he's fine, he brought you so many things.

He thought about you while he was away...

"Baby, hey." Joel whispers. But you only let go when Bill almost yells your name.

"Sorry, Joel." You say, running to your dads, jumping over the bags on the floor and throwing yourself back in between them on the couch.

"Oh my God!" Frank says when you show it to him. "Does it work?" He asks Joel.

"Yeah it does, pretty well." He says. "There's some paper inside of it already, there's more here with me. The photos come out instantly." He explains to you.

"Uh!" You gasp, your eyes wide, and the three of them look at you. "Can we take pictures?" You ask.

"Yes! I want a family photo." Frank says, excited.

You look at Bill, smiling and biting your lower lip.

He frowns, then nods, smiling. "Yeah, alright."

You're so excited you're shaking.

"Joel, can you take the first one, please?" You ask, and he nods, so you hand him the camera and sit back on the couch, holding both your dads' hands. The three of you put on your best smiles and stay still.

"Wait, is my hair good, loves?" Frank asks you and Bill, who look at him, and you fix it. But Joel's already pressed the button, and he photo comes out of the camera: you smiling, fixing your dad's hair. You don't notice it, though, and Joel keeps it to himself, waiting for you to be ready.

"Now it is." You say, looking over at Bill. "Oh, daddy. Your hair's a mess." You say, fixing it for him as he keeps messing it back. "Stop! Let me fix it." You say, playfully slapping his hand away and laughing, and he stops.

You take their hands back and nod to Joel, who takes the picture, mesmerized by you.

Your big smile, your hair, your dress, the soft tan you have around your nose, how solar and pretty you are.

After he takes it he sees your eyes growing wider through the viewfinder of the camera, when you see the photo coming out of it. You run towards him.

"Oh my God!" You scream, taking the photo. "It's us!"

"Let me see it!" Frank says, excited, and you sit back in between your dads.

"Oh my..." He says, tears forming in his eyes. "It's us. Our family." He says.

Bill leans on you to look at it, his eyes getting red as soon as he sees it. He looks at you, caressing your hair, then he looks at Joel.

"Thank you." He says, and Joel nods, smiling, holding back his own tears.

He knows how important memories like that are. He wishes he had more photos with Sarah.

"Now we need one of all of us." You say, not giving him the chance to drown in those thoughts. "We can't keep you out, Joel." You say, getting up.

"Yeah, c'mon, sit here with us." Frank says, scooting next to Bill.

"No, it's alright. It should be about you, not me." He says.

"C'mon!" You say, going towards him and grabbing his hand, pulling his arm. "You're with us, I want a picture of all of us!" You say, grunting as you struggle to move his body an inch away from the armchair, and he gets up.

"Okay—God, you're persistent." He says, laughing, going to sit next to Frank.

You stand in front of them, holding the camera.

"How do we take this one?" You ask them, and they all frown.

"Didn't think about it..." Bill admits.

"Maybe try and... I don't know, turn it and see if it frames all of us?" Frank suggests.

"Okay." You agree, sitting in the coffee table and trying to figure out how to hold the camera with it facing you. "Alright, big smiles old men." You say, laughing and pressing the button.

"Hey!" They all scream.

The photo comes out perfectly, with all four of you clearly in it. All of them laughing and making offended faces at what you said while you smile proudly in front of them.

"Oh, this is amazing." You say, laughing when you see it, turning to them.

"No, baby, c'mon, take another one. A serious one." Frank says, laughing, slapping your thigh playfully.

"Alright." You say, turning your back to them. "C'mon, smile." You say right before pressing the button.

"Is it good?" Bill asks, leaning close to you, looking at it over your shoulder.

"It's perfect" You say, looking at the photo, loving every single man in it. "Thank you, Joel. I had no idea this still existed." You say, turning to them and looking at him.

"Now everything's gonna look just like the real thing." He says, mentioning the conversation you two had the day before when picking vegetables for breakfast.

You smile. He remembered what you said, he was thinking about you just as much as you were thinking about him.

It's not like you don't know your dads love you and care about you. You do. But their love feels different from Joel's.

You feel special because he wasn't meant to care about you. He decided to. He saw you and thought you were special enough for his time and effort.

It's a type of attention you've never had before.

"Did you find any of the stuff we talked about?" Bill asks when he understands you two talked about the camera, not liking the wide smile you're shooting Joel.

"Yeah." Joel cleans his throat. "Lots of tools and big cans of paint. Stuff for fixing the fences, the houses, mowing the lawn." He answers, adjusting himself on his seat.

"Great. Think we can make it today?" He asks, and Joel thinks before answering, looking again at you, then looking back at your dad.

"Uh...Yeah, sure. I just need a shower first." He says, and Bill nods.

"You're going out again?" You ask Joel, more disappointment present in your voice than you wished.

"Darling." Frank says, looking at you and turning his eyes towards Bill.

A silent 'How are we supposed to explain this to your dad?'

"I'm sorry, but aren't you tired? You just arrived." You say, more calm.

"It should be an one-hour drive, I can rest on the car, it's fine." Joel says, and you sigh.

"You're sure? We could go tomorrow, or other day." Bill says.

"Yeah, no. It's fine, I'm fine." He says. "Just dirty." He laughs. "Would rather go today and fully rest tomorrow." He decides.

"Can I go? Since you're driving there?" You ask, and Bill grunts.

Letting you outside wasn't his favorite, but your dad knows you can take handle yourself. And he stays more calm with himself and Joel being there to protect you.

"Well... I don't see why not." He says smiling at at you, and you smile back.

"Actually, I think you should stay, dove." Frank says, and you whine.

"Why?" You ask.

"Well, we shouldn't leave the town alone for so long, right? And I don't wanna stay here alone." He says.

"But I—" You start, and he gives you a look.

A look he only gives your dad. A look he gave you for the first time yesterday, watching you and Joel kiss.

Fuck.

"Alright." You agree.

"Great! We have lots of laundry to do with all this new stuff Joel brought you." He says.

Bill looks at both of you, also eyeing Joel, trying to see if he's maybe understanding what's going on.

"Well, alright. You rest then, Joel. We're leaving right after lunch." Bill says, getting up and going to the kitchen.

"I'll go start laundry." You say quietly, picking up your heavy bag.

"Do you want help with that?" Joel asks, already getting up.

"No, thanks, it's fine." You say, smiling, picking the bag.

"Okay. I'm gonna go shower." He says, nodding to Frank and going upstairs as you walk outside.

"Fuck me." Frank sighs, rubbing his hands violently on his face. Then he fixes his hair and goes to the kitchen help Bill.

After a few minutes you can already smell lunch being prepared.

You go upstairs to pick up your dirty clothes. If you're stuck at home doing laundry, then you might as well do all of it.

As you walk up the stairs you can't help but think about how Joel's on his own. How he said he'd shower, how much you loved seeing his body that other night.

You skip your bedroom and go straight to his. When you reach his bedroom door you hear his shower running, and quietly walk inside the room.

You find his wallet on top of a pile of clothes on his bed and grab it, running your fingers through the worn-out leather. Opening it, the first thing you find is Sarah's photo.

You look at it. It's old and starting to rip at the edges. The colors are finally giving in and fading, specially around her right side, like if Joel caresses her cheeks and hair when looking at her.

Thinking about him going through such loss makes your heart ache. You feel so much for your — probably deceased — parents, and you haven't even got any memories of them. You can't imagine what losing his daughter must have felt like for Joel. And to think that the only memory he has of her is fading away...

You have an idea. You put it back on top of his bed and run downstairs, grabbing your camera and rushing back to his bedroom.

...

When you get there he's still inside the bathroom, but he stops the water as soon as you open his wallet. You take the photo out and bring it close to the window, taking a picture of it.

You sit on his bed and hide it on your bra, putting the original photo back. Just when you're finished he walks out of the bathroom, his hair damp and his body covered only with a towel wrapped around his waist.

You can't breath for a second, overwhelmed by his wide shoulders, strong chest and stomach, his belly poking out and his cock outlined on the towel. You've never seen him like this, at least not in daylight, and you can't look away.

He sees you eyeing him up and down and smiles, like if he knew he'd find you exactly where you are right now. Like was hoping to find you there.

He walks to the bedroom door and locks it.

As he walks closer to you, you can see the water droplets covering his skin, and he notices your blissful and watery eyes.

"I missed you." He says, cupping your cheek, your eyes faltering as soon as he touches you, taking your ear between his index and middle finger, caressing the skin under your eye. He leans down closer to you and his wet hair drips on your forehead, making you scrunch your eyes and laugh.

He smiles and kisses the water drop on your forehead, then your cheek, right besides your nose. He moves lower and gives your lips a peck, slowly making his way through them to roll his tongue around yours.

His movements careful and intentional, his beard scratching your lips and your cheeks, making you moan and lean further into him. His dry lips making you deepen the kiss, making you wanna keep them wet.

He pulls away and looks down at you, his wet hair falling over his forehead, dripping, the water running down his cheeks.

"I missed you more." You say, touching his waist before wrapping your arms around him. He pulls your head closer to his body, hugging you. His skin, still cold from the shower, wetting your face.

You kiss some of the water droplets around his chest and stomach, burying your face on him as he caresses the hair over the nape of your neck. You caress his back, bringing your hands to his sides, finding the hem of his towel.

"Baby..." He says, trying to convince himself to stop you.

But he doesn't, and you pull on it, slowly letting it fall out of him. Your heart slams against your chest when you see him naked. His wide shoulders, strong torso and slightly prominent belly making him tower over you, making you want to lie back down and pull him on top of you. His cock, big and soft, right on your face, making you lick your lips.

He takes a fistful of your hair, gently pulling your head back to make you look up at him. He almost smiles at how he finds no resistance to maneuver you.

"Right now is not the time." He says with a low voice, barely above a whisper, slowly shaking his head, leaning down to give your lips a peck.

He pulls away with a quiet groan when you touch his cock, just running one finger over it, then taking it in your hand, moaning at how heavy it is, even when soft like this.

Even though he said you shouldn't, he doesn't stop you from touching him. He likes how curious and open you are, how different it feels to be with you, who wants to explore things with him, and not just have sex because he wants to.

You keep holding him, touching his tip with your thumb. When you lick your lips and try to lean closer to him, he pulls firmly on your hair, keeping your head in place.

"I didn't say you could use your mouth." He says, softly but sternly, caressing your hair.

You look up at him, bringing your eyebrows together and letting out a soft and frustrated moan.

"But you're dry. I don't wanna hurt you."

"Then lick your thumb, baby." He instructs, and you do, wetting it and exploring his tip again, earning a groan from him.

It's the first time you're seeing his cock soft and dry, the second time you're seeing it up close, and you want to understand and memorize every little part of him.

How his soft — so soft — skin covers most of his tip, how it wrinkles at the edge; how you can see a few veins poking on his skin; how warm and heavy he is; the curves his tip has, how they make you want to run your tongue all over it, on top of it, underneath it, maybe even ask him if it'd be okay to poke the tiny hole at the center of it with your tongue.

How its size and thickness make you wonder how it'd feel to have him inside you. If it'd hurt, how far would it go, if you'd feel it all the way, if you'd still feel him the next morning, how empty you'd feel after he left you.

You wet your thumb again, rolling it on his tip, remembering how soft and warm it felt on your clit, how badly you want to feel it on you again.

Your other hand goes to his balls, picking them and rolling them on your palm, earning a loud sigh from him.

"Careful there, baby." He warns, and you soften your grip on them. Their soft and squishy texture making you actively remind yourself to not squeeze them.

Your heart accelerates when you feel him starting to grow and harden, softly pulsing from time to time. But you hear a soft knock on the door, and you freeze. Your heart beating so fast you're afraid it may give in that you're with Joel, since he's certain his is audible as well.

"Joel?" You hear Frank's voice.

"Yeah." He responds, taking the chance to get away from you and look for an underwear. His voice a bit raspy.

"Oh, hey. Huh... lunch's ready, if you're ready to come down, we're about to eat." He says.

"Alright, thanks, be right down." Joel says, putting his underwear on.

"Okay." Frank says, and you hear his footsteps going away; then coming close to the door again. "You haven't seen her... Right?" He asks suspiciously, and Joel looks at you while he puts his jeans on, moving his lips.

"No, last time I saw her, she was in the living room, taking her clothes outside to wash them." He lies.

"Yeah, I saw that too. But she's not there anymore."

"Maybe she's just somewhere else outside." Joel suggests, reaching for a shirt in one of his drawers.

"Yeah, she probably is." Your dad agrees. "Well, anyway, she'll come when she's hungry." He finishes before walking away again.

Joel, now almost fully dressed, comes to sit by your side to put his shoes on. And as he starts putting on his socks you realize you've never been by his side before. He's always either across from you, behind you or in front of you, but he's never sat besides you.

You look up at him, his cheekbones and nose sculpted by the glaring sunlight entering through his window. His face feels so far, his pouty lips so out of reach. He looks so good, so big, so strong, so overpowering almost.

You've never felt small or powerless; your dads always did their best to make sure you had the confidence to face anything you ever came across. And yet here you are, struggling to fill your lunges because a man is simply putting his shoes on by your side.

Wishing he would just lay you on his bed and crush you with his weight again, making it hard for you to breath — Oh how good it felt when his warm skin touched yours, when his rough and large hands held your hips so firmly and his beard scratched your neck and collarbones. His hot breath burning your skin—

"You should go to your room, baby." He says without looking at you, pulling you out of your thoughts.

"Are you and dad gonna be away the whole day?" You ask, slightly out of breath, and he looks down at you, shrugging.

"Don't think so. We're just gonna go take the stuff I couldn't bring by hand. It's an one hour drive, then just pick it all up and drive for another hour back." He explains, his hair falling all over his face.

"Do you ever brush your hair?" You ask, and he frowns.

"Not since I got here. You know, somehow this time I forgot to pack my comb." He jokes, laughing proudly at himself.

"Don't get up." You say, carefully leaving his bedroom to not walk into one of your dads.

...

After a few seconds you come back, a comb in hand. He's finishing his second shoe, and laughs when he sees you locking his door.

You walk towards him, stopping in between his legs, just like you did the morning before.

First you run your fingers through his hair, and he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you even closer.

He looks up at you with soft eyes as you carefully comb his hair back. When the repeated and soft movements start soothing him, he closes his eyes and touches his chin to your chest, keeping his head back, a relaxed and joyful smile on his lips.

While he was away, he kept thinking about you, thinking about how he, so relatively late in his life, found such an opportunity. Not just the opportunity to leave the QZ and still be safe, living a comfortable — even happy, maybe — life. But most importantly, the opportunity to have someone who seems to genuinely care for him. Maybe even love him someday.

Someone making sure he has enough food, exhaustively asking if he's gonna be okay, making him want to be careful and return home safe, making him feel like he as a home, respecting his time to talk about Sarah, pushing him to explore his old hobbies and combing his hair...

And nothing is asked in exchange, nothing is traded. He just cares for you... And there you are; solar, pretty, a positive and shiny refuge amongst all the depressing things he is always surrounded by.

"Better." You say, and he opens his eyes, not minding having his daydreams cut by the one causing them.

"Did it look that bad?" He laughs, his voice soft.

"No, I just wanted to touch it." You whisper, cupping his cheeks and kissing him. "I was so worried. I felt so bad for asking you for clothes. And you've brought so many of them, so much weight." You say, barely pulling away from him, holding his face in your hands.

"I still have some that aren't in that bag." He laughs, and you frown, smiling when you see his smile.

"You do?" You ask, running your hands down his back, letting most of your weight fall over him.

"Yeah, those I said you could wear only for me?" He says with a smirk. "They're in there, go get them." He points to the backpack he took with him. You let go of him and go towards it while he gets up and goes to his bathroom.

You open it and find a pink bag with a few pairs of lingerie inside. You can feel your cheeks heating up imagining yourself wearing them.

They're so sheer, so small and revealing. You take all of them, setting every new pair carefully on top of his bed.

He comes back to hug you from behind, squeezing your waist, gently pulling your hair over your left shoulder and kissing the right side of your neck, going from pecks to open mouthed kisses and nibs.

"They're so... Small." You say, and he stops.

"You don't have to wear them if you don't want to, baby." He reassures you. "It's okay." He tightens his arms around you.

"No, I liked them, it's just... Why even wear them if they show almost everything?" You ask, and he laughs, tightening his hug.

"That's the thing, baby. They show almost everything." He says, his chin on your shoulder.

"I don't get it." You frown.

"You know how you looked at me when I left the shower? With the towel on?" He whispers.

"Oh, okay... I think I get it." You say. You couldn't help but think about what he'd look like without the towel.

Knowing something so fragile was keeping you away from his naked body was... thrilling.

"You're gonna look so pretty in them, baby." He says, and you moan quietly. "Can't wait to see it."

"I can only wash them when I shower, so you're not gonna see it tonight. Maybe tomorrow." You say, and he squeezes your waist.

"I'll try and not lose my mind." He laughs on your neck. "Now go, I gotta go downstairs." He says, turning you around, giving you a kiss. You turn around, and he calls your name. "Are you not forgetting anything?" He asks, holding your camera.

"Oh... Yeah." You try not to sound too suspicious.

"What were you doing with it?" He asks when you reach him.

"I was taking pictures of you showering." You say innocently, and he frowns. "Of course I wasn't, oh my God!" You defend yourself, and he laughs.

"Are you sure?" He asks.

"Yeah. I was just taking it up to my bedroom, and then I remembered you were showering, so I came to see you." You say, hugging him again, stuffing your face on his chest.

He kisses the top of your head and walks you backward towards the door, going slowly so you won't trip.

He lets go of you and opens the door. You two walk down the hallway, and he squeezes your waist as he lets you by your bedroom door, going downstairs.

You hide the bag with the lingerie at the bottom of a drawer and go outside, back to laundry.

"Isn't she coming?" Bill asks, and Frank shrugs.

"I looked for her but couldn't find her anywhere." He says, putting the plates down.

"I ain't gonna eat without her, not when I'm leaving for the day." He says, getting up and walking outside.

"Where is she?" Frank almost whispers to Joel.

"Huh?" His question catches Joel off guard as he's helping him set the table.

"Did she leave your room already?" He asks impatiently.

"She wasn't—" Joel starts, shaking his head.

"Joel, I looked all over this house and everywhere I knew she could be. I know she was with you." He says in hushed, angry whispers.

Joel doesn't like this. He doesn't like this at all. Your dads shouldn't know about it. They shouldn't even think about it. He wanted to do things the right way, slowly, carefully. Respectfully.

"She went outside before I came downstairs." He admits, fixing your cutlery. Frank watches him, noticing how much care he puts into everything he does to you.

"Did something happen in your room?" He asks quietly, like he was afraid of the answer.

"No! No, nothing happened." He says firmly. "She just wanted a hug... And a kiss. Just said she missed me, was worried about me." He says with a short and shy smile.

"Did you miss her?"

"I was the first to say it." He says, looking at Frank. "Look, I know you may not believe it, but I do care about her. At first I didn't wanna get involved with her at all to not hurt her when I left." He says, sitting down across from your seat, looking at your chair. "But then fixing your car that day Bill talked to me about the houses around here. How I could work on one of them if I wanted a second, safe place to stay."

"And you're considering it?" He asks, and Joel takes a moment to respond.

"You know how QZ's are. They have their benefits, but overall... They're nothing compared to this. Tess said she won't leave, so we could still keep the deal going. I also have my brother, who has access to other things. Things Tess and I don't have."

"Your brother works for FEDRA?" Frank asks, turning his head slowly.

"No! He doesn't. He's a Firefly." Joel rushes to say.

He can't help but worry about his brother, but he's in no hurry to come back.

"Is that what you and Tess talked about that day when she called? About you staying?" He asks.

Joel nods in response, and Frank wonders how things escalated so quickly. How he went from telling Joel not to look at you to agreeing to have him move in to be with you.

"Just make sure you are sure before you tell her anything, alright?" Frank says with a sigh, scratching his forehead.

"I don't wanna stay if you don't think I should. If you don't think it's right you tell me and I leave as soon as we finish what we need to do over here—" Joel says, a hint of shame in his voice as he doesn't look Frank in the eyes anymore.

"No, Joel... It's not that, I'm sorry." He interrupts Joel, leaning back on his chair. "I'm just thinking about Bill. I mean, I don't wanna scare you, but we're gonna have to be extremely careful if we want you to come out of this alive." His seriousness almost scaring Joel.

"Yeah, she... She told me that." He says, playing with his fork.

He just had to go slow with it, and everything should be alright.

Right?

...

You're sorting the clothes Joel brought you when your dad finds you.

"Hi, my honeybun." He says, and you laugh.

He has this thing where sometimes he'll call you the sweetest nickname he can think of, just for the sake of it. Somehow he still comes up with new ones from time to time.

"Hey, daddy. Is lunch ready?" You ask smiling.

"Yeah, your dad said he couldn't find you, though." He asks, picking one of the dresses and holding it in front of himself.

"Hmm. Must've been when I went to the bathroom." You lie, and he hums.

"Aren't these dresses a bit too short?" He asks, picking another dress you've just thrown on the laundry pile. "Why did Joel pick this for you?"

"I asked him to." You say almost too quickly. "I showed him some magazines and described what I wanted. He said he'd bring a bit of everything and I'd see what I liked." You explain.

"And did you like this dress?" He asks, raising his eyebrow.

"I did, yeah." You say, and he scratches his head.

"You know I don't like you wearing this type of things around him."

"Dad..."

"Just avoid it, alright? Joel might be whatever, but he's still a man. And you're so gorgeous, my honeybun." He says, cupping your cheek. You kiss his palm, screaming at yourself for lying to your dad, for doing all this behind his back.

But would he ever let you experience what you've had with Joel if he knew about it?

The only conversation at the table was between Joel and Bill, as they discussed the roads they'd take and how long it should take to come back. Your dad was focused on Joel's descriptions of the way, and Joel walked him through it while he caressed your leg between his ankles again.

But it all felt too rushed when they had to leave. Your heart feeling hollow and your stomach overfilled as your dad kissed your forehead, and Joel discreetly squeezed your hand while your dads kissed goodbye.

"Take care, you two." Frank says.

"Got two good reasons to be." He responds, kissing Frank again.

"I have one too." Joel whispers to you, knowing Bill has his back turned to the two of you. You smile up at him, quickly touching your head on his chest, quickly pulling away when your dad turns around.

"C'mon." He tells Joel. "I love you, baby. " He tells you before going inside the car.

They drive away, Joel looking at you through the car's mirror.

...

"Dad?" You ask Frank after the gate closes behind your dad's truck.

"Yes, love." He responds fixing your hair behind your ears.

"Can you help me with something? A gift for Joel." You ask, and he raises his eyebrows quickly.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Do you think you could paint this photo for me? Make it bigger and fill in where the photo is fading." You say, taking the photo that was still on your bra and showing it to him.

"Baby, who is this?"

"He never...?" You ask.

Fuck.

Joel never told your dads about Sarah, maybe he never told them anything about himself.

"He has a daughter?" He asks, confused.

"Had... one." You hesitate.

"Oh, dear." Frank sighs. "Sure, love, I can do it." He says, walking inside in a hurry.

Now he understands why Joel was always so understanding of his and Bill's concerns. Of why he always said he didn't want to stay if that'd make him and Bill uncomfortable.

Because he knows what caring for a child is like.

...

Now it was just you and your dad for a couple of hours. But strangely enough, he didn't look for you. Didn't come to help you with laundry like he said he would, didn't ask any questions. He just spent the whole day at his studio, painting.

Probably painting Sarah.

"Hi, dad." You say, entering the room and sitting by his side.

"Hi, my love. Are you okay?" He asks, noticing your expression.

"Uhum. I'm fine." You say, looking at his canvas.

"Think you can tell me her name?" He asks, looking at Sarah's photo.

"I don't know... I thought he had told you and dad." You say, feeling guilty for exposing that part of Joel without his consent. He trusted you, after all.

"That's okay. You don't have to." He sounds calm while he starts mixing more of the paint Joel brought him.

"Why did you want me to stay?" You ask after a minute. Even though he's not acting like he's mad at you, you know exactly why he wanted you to stay. So why won't he just say something?

He sighs, taking several seconds to respond, focusing on his painting and on what he's gonna say.

"I wanted you to stay so I could yell at you, cry, even. So I could ask why you lied to me, what you two have been doing behind our backs." He says, and you instinctively pull your body further from his. "But then I saw him hold you hand before leaving, whispering something to you, you snuggling on his chest. Then you asked me to paint her... And now I feel like I shouldn't do any of that anymore." He says, looking down at you.

"I'm sorry I lied to you. I was just afraid you'd tell dad and... I don't like to think about what he'd do to Joel." You say.

"I'm honestly more worried about what Joel would do to defend himself." Frank says, and you look at him.

As obvious as it sounds, you've never thought about it. You never considered Joel defending himself. Maybe your dad coming out of it hurt. Because of you.

The thought makes your breathing shallow, and your dad notices it.

"Hey, hey, baby. Nothing's gonna happen, okay?" He soothes you, caressing your hair. "We're gonna go slow, be careful. And we'll prepare dad for it. Okay?"

"Uhum." You agree, your breathing still laborious.

"But I mean it when I say careful." He says, and you look at him. "I saw you going upstairs earlier. I know you were with him." He says and you look away from him, embarrassed. "That I have a problem with. You're not being honest with me. And that was all I asked from you."

"We'll just be actually careful and everything's gonna be okay."

"Aren't you afraid?"

"I am." He admits with a sigh, kissing your forehead and hugging you, letting silence take over.

Imagining one of them coming out of this hurt makes you want to tell Joel you don't want to do this anymore, that he should stay away from you. He should just go back to the QZ and you should just forget about all of this.

You've lived just fine without anyone like him, you always handled yourself — oh, but it feels so much better when he's there with you, his rough hands feel nothing like your soft ones —, you've always been loved by your parents — but the way he loves you feels different —, and you've just met what...four or five days ago?

You can get over him.

But imagining him going away, never seeing him again, never talking to or touching him makes you want to cry, to scream. It makes you whish you just listened to your dad and never looked out the window, never let Joel see you — never looked at him in the first place —, never smiled at him, never moaned his name, never called him into your bedroom. But you can't. You've done all that, you've touched him, felt his warm breath on your ear, and you can't imagine never feeling that again.

So you just hug your father, trying to keep your mind away from such terrifying scenarios, from one of them getting hurt.

You know one day your dad will know. And you know someone may come out of it hurt.

Be it physically or not.

You just hope it's not both.

Hope you liked it, friends 🩷. Bill's gonna find out sooner or later, the problem is... What will he do when he finds out? How will Joel react?

Hope you're here when we find out, I love you all so much, this series means so, so much to me, and I love getting comments, reblogs and asks talking about it. I love that you guys are still so invested in it, even when it takes me so long to update the story.

Ily 🩷🩷

My Masterlist 🩷

[utahlive]

Q & A + a few inbox highlights!

fuck it we ball

...is what I said when I made this blog. and im still balling to this day. some may say I will continue balling. 

I genuinely made this blog on a whim and I do think parts of it suffered for it. I had a plan going in, but I didn’t think everything out and now I know for sure there are/will be plot holes. I didnt properly start planning things out and writing out important scenes until a few weeks into it. Im still free styling some of this, which I think is part of the fun, so if you are trying to write a story I would recommend having a loose outline but leave room for surprises! You never know when a good idea will strike Also scheduling. I was really out there thinking I could do three updates a day. what the fuck. Im so grateful that you guys are so patient with me and my inconsistency

ALSO A BIG ONE!!! Don’t let notes get to you. I fight for my life with this one every day, and I get worried people will end up disliking where I go with this blog or lose interest etc but seriously you’re doing this for yourself as much as other people. If you’re having fun, then thats the most important thing. I know theres the whole mentality/mantra of “make for yourself and no one else!!” but I think its more of finding a happy medium (especially when it comes to fanworks). Its nice to know people like your stuff! Im making this for you guys too! I got incredibly lucky and Im still not sure how this blog picked up as much as it did but even if it hadn’t I’d probably still be doing what Im doing :]

do they think im funny

???????????

big fan of this one

this one baffles me. anon is living in an alternate universe where the Wilbur finale didnt end with him moving to Utah and also the url of the blog isnt utahlive and by god I wish I was there with you (slash j)

discord status material right here

yeah this one wins

Also I was going to post this one yesterday (? time is fake) but I was worried it was a little too gorey or something. But the more I look at it the more I laugh so please enjoy

⬆️ reenactment of me creating utahlive. I crack myself up

anyway there will only be 1 episode tomorrow + something special for valentines day :3

[bethanydelleman]

Northanger Abbey Readthrough Ch 27

Isabella has written! And it's pretty funny to be honest. She writes exactly as she talks and jumps all over the place in her story. But here is the rub:

The last two days he [Captain Tilney] was always by the side of Charlotte Davis: I pitied his taste, but took no notice of him.

And there we go, sounds like Captain Tilney dropped her like a hot potato when she broke off her engagement with James. And with that, Isabella lost both her hen in hand and in the bush! Poor girl... I guess.

This is quite the turn around for our heroine Catherine:

Such a strain of shallow artifice could not impose even upon Catherine. Its inconsistencies, contradictions, and falsehood struck her from the very first. She was ashamed of Isabella, and ashamed of having ever loved her. Her professions of attachment were now as disgusting as her excuses were empty, and her demands impudent.

She's so angry about the letter she reads most of it to her friends with "strong indignation." Which makes me imagine she did an impression of Isabella... that would have been great.

Now on to Captain Tilney, Henry is fairly convinced that he never loved Isabella and played with her feelings for vanity, which is very Henry Crawford. Northanger Abbey is interesting because Catherine herself never faces a charming man with hidden intentions, unlike Elizabeth/Wickham, Fanny Price/Henry Crawford, Marianne/Willoughby, Anne/Mr. Elliot, and Emma/Frank Churchill. Catherine's experience is closest to Fanny, she is an outside observer to a flirtation. Also, the Isabella/Frederick flirtation feels very different because we know that both sides had bad intentions, unlike Elizabeth/Wickham where at least one side was sincere.

As for Isabella, like Maria Bertram, she would have met with different treatment if she had been different herself. Her lack of faithfulness to James makes it almost impossible to feel sorry for her.

Now, people have argued that Isabella was just trying to secure her future. While I am a big supporter of women's wrongs against the patriarchy, I can't support Isabella's attempted fiance hop, James was not rich but he was a solid option, a good one even considering how poor Isabella was herself. So sorry Isabella, that was just greedy.

Catherine is still not quite up to speed with Henry:

“But we must first suppose Isabella to have had a heart to lose—consequently to have been a very different creature; and, in that case, she would have met with very different treatment.” “It is very right that you should stand by your brother.” “And if you would stand by yours, you would not be much distressed by the disappointment of Miss Thorpe. But your mind is warped by an innate principle of general integrity, and therefore not accessible to the cool reasonings of family partiality, or a desire of revenge.”

Catherine assumes here that Henry is defending his brother, but Henry (I believe) is just fairly pointing out what has been his point all along: if Isabella had been faithful, Frederick's flirtation wouldn't have mattered. That line about Catherine's mind being warped in a good way is great!

The funny thing is, Frederick did James a favour. It would have been harder for him to honourably break his engagement if this happened much later in their relationship (Think Edward and Lucy Steele), so it was positive for James to learn Isabella's true character so soon after they got together. Still hurts though, and I doubt Frederick was acting out of charity!

[slavicafire]

Dear Żmija, I have just finished Inquisition that my dear friend that got me into DA is very fond of, and I just couldn’t explain to her why… it just doesn’t right with me. I loved Trespasser and ESPECIALLY the Solas romance but making Inquisitor a Mary Sue and overall focusing on her role in Thedas too much (as well as Corypheus being the villain… bleh) just felt like such a waste. What are your thoughts on the game? Because I remember you calling it „catholic”. (i’ll welcome a rant. Also hope you are well!)

ah. I have cast them away but alas, here come all my dragon age brain worms, happily returning to the fold like dozens upon dozens of prodigal sons.

quick foreword: i always play as humans, and i always play as warriors - I have played dai as a mage just once. so, in theory, I should be the one type of player the game caters to the most, lore-wise. alas.

inquisition is absolutely the weakest link in the da games - and it takes, for the lack of a more polite word, a giant shit on the lore and atmosphere set up by origins and expanded/played with by II.

and don't get me wrong, the first two games blundered and made a lot of mistakes, contained a lot of inconsistencies, contradicted their own set up plenty of times - but the expectation was (very much so) that inquisition would not only avoid fucking up in the same way but also! would fix some of those mistakes. add both proper gravitas to the story of the world - and allow for the return of the fascinating, genre-appropriate - again, for the lack of a more polite word - whimsy. it was supposed to be more comprehensive, more complex, more creative. heavy, again, yet funny. meaningful.

instead, inquisition made sure to make everyone bland, rather catholic and centrist in their convictions and beliefs - which, in a setting so fueled by the absolute injustice enacted on entire subgroups of people, simply means it made most characters bland conservatives, on the in-universe axis regarding chantry, mages, circles, elves, slavery, dwarves, the qun, and basically anything else you can think of. even characters who are supposed to be Hardcore Believers in whatever it is their convictions are end up being kind of undecided or confused about it all - see sera (love her as i might) or cassandra (no comment), or even bull when talking about the qun (which we are supposed to approach from a more liberal perspective now, diminishing its actual depth). don't even get me started on cullen, wannabe war criminal creep, who had a chance to become something interesting at the end of da II and then instead got wattpadded into the game as your trusty sidekick to prank instead of, you know, asking about how fucked up places starting with k get when he's there.

and then the game doesn't allow you to actually take a stance yourself - it just lets you choose the tone of expressing the one or two stances picked for you. you can't actually play as a meaningful character with proper agency - you must play as someone whose goal is to uphold the andrastian approach (not even faith, but approach), enjoy being the head of a giant religious militia, subdue mages at least partially, yield to accepting the apparent non-issue the grey warden order becomes, and then also give even less of a shit about elves and slavery than the previous games did.

I believe the only way to actually play the inquisitor without megatons of meta roleplaying in your head is to be kind of an evil cunt - and I don't mean choosing the asshole options in dialogue and missions, I simply mean accepting the fact that no matter what you do or what you say, you can't do or say anything all that meaningful. or good. nothing revolutionary, for sure.

the companions and advisors won't mind too much either way, after all.

[sphxremint]

(man this art is really old but im usin it anyway lol)

☆ Heya heya一it's me, Mint!

I'm the guy that does the funny draws (and music (and sometimes edits)).

Some of you have definitely heard that line way too many times before. Or some of you probably just know me as the Simple Yet Stupid guy. If you haven't seen me before, congratulations! You've successfully met "that guy" (me) for the first time!

This is my tumblr. I reblog stuff I think is neat and post art/music/stuff I like once every [unspecified time frame]. I dipped (sort of) from Twitter (ah, sorry一ECKS [X] as it's called now) like a year or two ago because some guy had too much fun ruining it. Now I'm here more often!

Right, this is an intro post. lemme get on that...

☆ cool things you should know

• I'm 19 (born July 4th, on MINT day. not whatever the hell independence day is. eugh)

• I'm aroace (certain of it now! we out here)

• I'm black (there's like no way to make this funnier it just is what it is)

☆ some other neat stuff

• I draw!

I'm definitely not consistent with it at all, but I'm trying, 'cause it's fun and I like doing it. I may be into a lot of medias too, but I'm mostly an oc artist, and it's a curse I will bear until the end of time

• I make music!

I'm also not very consistent with it, but I'm a bit less open about it... I do it for fun, really; though it's more of a personal thing compared to my art.

• My timezone is CST

...which is about UTC -05:00. if you need to know that. i know we all got varied timezones

• I'm very good at being inconsistent!

(such as basic punctuation and grammar. cause thats important. sometimes i'll actually use apostrophes and sometimes ill just completely forget mid-sentence. lmao)

☆ my 5 core interests

aka. The main things I like! I switch between the 5 of these on a whim. Be ready when it happens.

• Sonic The Hedgehog (he's just THAT GUY, yknow. just a guy who loves adventure. ultimate life forms and whatnot)

• Kirby (i'd forfeit everything for him. #1 blorbo living life)

• FINAL FANTASY (esPECIALLY XIII and XIV. but it's mostly XIV. two lalas ready for Dawntrail WOOO)

• Celeste (#1 game ever. i love everything about it so much, i naturally get my friends to play it. i'm also pretty good at speedrunning. smile)

• and anything osc! (though I'm mostly just in the "surface layer" of whatever the fandom is right now. bfdi, ii, boto, ppt2... funny shows go brrr)

☆ cool and awesome tags

□ #mint.txt = probably some random garbled text i spat out one night

□ #mintdraws = i sure do! and you should go look at it!

□ #mint.png = funny image included (not guaranteed)

□ #mint.mp3 = rarely use this but i still want people to know i make music

□ #mint.ask = because i get those. sometimes art, sometimes stupid funny stuff

□ #simple yet stupid = yeah its for those funny objects i talk about. i put this one here just in case

□ #mint's expoboard = i'm probably talking about one of my ocs

☆ and some extra stuff i guess

□ my sonas and stuff

if you need that

□ my carrd!

go read it cause most of my extra links (and contacts) are already there

□ my toyhou.se

Did you know I have a toyhou.se? because I never shut up about my characters, and sometimes people just need the Repository of Information. well... here it is.

Okay. I'll update this post more as time goes on, but... that's about it. That was probably like a read and a half. oops.

Remember: if you do follow me, you are (unofficially) officially consigning yourself to my presence and any stupidity and/or brainrot that follows.

...if that's cool with you. lmao =ᴗ=)b

(big shoutouts to the old pinned i had. you will forever be missed)

last updated: 01 / 15 / 2024

[trilobi-te]

Chipspeech Twitter Archive Update

Hi I should have done this months ago.. I do not know when (or if) I am going to finish that website lmao. So I am just going to share my notes from Google Docs. Should be easier to read than the original posts and helpful as a starting point if anyone else decides to make a website :3

The documents are all on commenting mode so feel free to make comments to bookmark things for yourself or write your thoughts or whatever. Under the cut I have put some formatting notes.

It's a folder, each year of Twitter posts is its own document (I tried to compile them into one but it lagged too much). There is also a document with all of the original Tumblr posts (from the accounts I could find, no tags yet but I will go back and get them eventually, also no dates but they're all from 2015), and one with the bios from the official website for ease of access.

The formatting is a little (a lot) weird and there are probably pictures that need resizing/transcription but I figured it's better to give people access now. The text is small (to keep the page count as low as possible) so you will have to zoom in.

It goes by day, organized with a bulleted list. The top level bullets are each character that tweeted that day. The second level bullets are original tweets/retweets by that character. The third+ level bullets are comment threads under that tweet, the organization here is inconsistent but imo still readable (if you think something needs an edit for clarity let me know and I'll fix it).

For each character's section of the list, normal text is that character's tweets/comments. Italicized text is anyone who is not that character. If it is labeled with unitalicized text, it is that character/important account (e.g. the official Chipspeech account), otherwise it is a fan. I also included some labels and/or clarifying comments for Vocaloid producers I like, they're not central to the story though

I got rid of the line breaks within the tweets when copying them down because it was easier to format. Sorry about that. Idk how to fix it other than going through everything again but it doesn't take away from the story so I'm leaving it for now.

If something came from a website other than Twitter, I tried to provide the link (unless its content was deleted). I did my best to transcribe the Clyp posts that were not deleted.

If something is a text-only retweet, it is marked with [retweet]. If it includes an image, it's probably a screenshot of the whole thing. I only included retweets that felt story-relevant (so no miscellaneous cat pictures, Apple-related aesthetic images, etc.), but if people really want it I can go back and add the rest.

Deleted tweets are noted with [deleted tweet], with the characters they came from if applicable. Idk how Twitter works but it the person in the thread is replying to the username of a certain character, I assumed it was that character's tweet that had been deleted. If something says [deleted Dandy thread], assume there is a deleted Dandy tweet in between each of the listed tweets (or another character, but it's usually Dandy). That was meant to be a temporary time-saver and I've gone back and fixed the ones I've found, but there's probably more I accidentally skipped.

Anything not in English is translated in a comment. Except the X-Sampa (I will fix that sometime but there's not much of it). Also it was done with the built-in Google Translate feature so it may be a little incorrect. Unclear pictures and whatnot also have clarifying comments. I can add more clarifying comments (or image IDs) if anyone needs them.

I tried not to include any unattributed fanart but there are some that I forgot to copy the handle for (I am also fixing these when I find them).

As for any future updates to this folder as a whole, I kind of want to go back through each account's liked tweets to see if there's anything funny in there but idk when that will be. That would probably be its own document.

Honestly I should have given everyone access back in June.. oops. If you have any questions you can put them in a comment on this post (or reach out to me another way, idk). As I mentioned before, feel free to use all of this as a starting point if you're making your own website.

I'll pin this post so it's findable in the future. Also sorry for disappearing for several months (it will happen again).

[wiggles-mcgee]

OPINIONS ON GRAVITY FALLS

OK SINCE YOU ASKED I WILL ANSWER WITHOUT GIVING SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2!! Because I know you've not seen it yet. Not sure how much of this is opinions and how much is just rambles though.

First, context, Gravity Falls is a show I have been obsessed with since it came out. I own a copy of Journal 3 and Dipper's hat and can't wait to get the Book of Bill when it comes out. So my opinions are gonna be biased!!

The greatest episode of Gravity Falls and my favourite of all time is S2Ep4: Sock Opera (watch the episode and you'll understand why, though please watch the rest of that season too haha). No further questions needed, it speaks for itself in every second of that episode.

My favourite episode from Series 1 would have to be either Legend of the Gobblewonker or Dreamscaperers. Both are fun to watch and have sweet endings and notes to it, as well as incredible comedy and great pacing. They hit so good every time.

Boyz Crazy is one of my least favourite episodes because it reminds me of primary school where everyone was feral about One Direction and I just didn't get it at all, but I still find it hilarious.

Most of my least favourite episodes involve some kind of romance subplot - thats not to say all romance centric episodes are bad, I just find it less interesting to me when it turns out Mabel's new crush is Regular Guy (Normal Man) and not five gnomes in a hoodie. Or oh look Dipper is crushing on Wendy, what's new? Its probably because I never really related to it.

My favourite character is Grunkle Stan. He's funny and a weird old man, as Mabel eloquently puts it. He's gruff, sweaty, wrinkled, and a bit of an asshole. And he cares so much for his family. He tries and thats what counts. Also his absolute lack of shame about cash - like in Double Dipper where he launches himself at that dollar bill - and conning and scamming tourists out of their money is so hilarious to me. Grunkle Stan is dear to my heart and will always be my favourite character.

Pacifica is another one of my favourite characters! She gets a fair bit more character development in the second series, and I still find myself laughing at every interaction the Pines family has with her when I rewatch the show - she's hilarious in every sense of the word. Her growth as a person is really nice to watch.

If I met Tambry irl I think I would inevitably punch her, I cannot lie, she frustrates me too much

Bill Cipher my beloved <3 (you'll see why when he shows up again in season 2)

I have rewatched this show many times since it came out and I firmly believe that so many of the jokes still hold up to this day. It shaped my sense of humour greatly. And the best bit about being older is that now I get all the jokes I didn't get as a kid!!!

My favourite running joke is Guy Who Married A Woodpecker!! He just shows up every now and again and we see a snapshot of his failing marriage and I love him.

The pool guy is objectively and unironically one of the funniest people alive. As is Quentin Trembley, 8½th President of the United States, who also absolutely shaped my personality and humour.

Certain episodes in the later half of Series 2 tone wise feel like they should have been at the start of the series or in Series 1, and the series does suffer for it in my opinion. Of course its a kids show, you don't want it to get too dark, but I feel like some parts of that series just felt inconsistent to the rest of it. Of course the rest of that series is absolutely stellar in my opinion, most of my favourite episodes are in that series, so its swings and roundabouts I suppose.

The Wendy crush is nothing short of frustrating to me every time I see it. Had to reiterate this, and I get that people don't get over crushes quickly, but especially in Series 2 it frustrates me. tbh I probably had a crush on Wendy too as a kid I cannot lie.

The ending is so sweet to me and makes me want to cry or actually cry every time, not just for nostalgia, but because it hits me hard and emotional in so many different ways. No spoilers yet!

And ending it with a really strong opinion here, you should watch Series 2 (a shameless suggestion, I don't regret it)

[mikuni14]

Be My Favorite Ep 5

Another great episode full of excellent, engaging conversations, very good scenes, well-run plot, sticking to the timeline, logical development and character growth.

To me, this series is perfect, I enjoy every minute of this show, I literally have no complaints about Be My Favorite. 😲

Kawi is a perfect character in how human, ordinary, and very unusual ML for BL  series he is.  I��ve seen some complaints about Kawi, but actually these complaints are what make me adore him. For me, the fact that he's so different from the regular BL drama lead, has no outstanding qualities, and isn't funny, cute and dorky, making up for what he lacks in character (which happens a lot in BL shows), that he makes mistakes and does stupid things is very refreshing. One could say Kawi is basically a loser, he's shy and gullible to the point of being annoying, he's extremely awkward and he struggles with reading the room and people intentions, with being social. He's practically blind to reality and tends to make fake, but always depressing scenarios in his head. He often blames external factors for his failures. But what is amazing is his hidden courage, a desperate need to correct his mistakes, his ability to look at himself critically, to admit that he was wrong, the ability to change, develop and grow. Kawi is one of the few BL characters to get a real, and I mean real transformation, and right now, in episode 5 he’s already a different, more mature person than he was in episode 1. 🥰

So is Pisaeng: what an interesting dude he is! 😍 At first, I kind of expected him to be the typical seme type guy: handsome, rich, perfect in every way, handling his problems and his life in a calm and efficient way. And would you look at that! Pisaeng is also a mess, also going through internal turbulences :D, self-discovery and not handling his life and the plushie machine perfectly. 🤘 He’s often angry, but he doesn't know how to let his anger out because he doesn't want to hurt anyone and tends to hide his emotions. He’s also lonely and has no one to talk to about his problems. He wants to have friends. It was absolutely wonderful and innovative for him to have his journey about his sexuality privately, without Kawi's presence, although he was the trigger. His scene with Max, their conversation, the dynamic, Max lashing out and apologizing... I love it so much. And of course I ship them, well, I'm just a simple minded person with simple needs (I think I died a little watching Pisaeng gather his strength, bracing himself to confess🥺🥺🥺)

What I love about this drama is that Kawi and Pisaeng are so ordinary, so normal. They are kind and have good hearts, but they can also be aggressive and capable of being cruel. They talk to each other surprisingly honestly, sharing their private thoughts and problems, but they also fight with each other and drive each other crazy. There is no fakeness, weirdness, inconsistency in their behavior, their dialogues and scenes WERE CLEARLY NOT WRITTEN FOR A ROMANCE BUT FOR THEIR CHARACTERS. This almost NEVER happens in BL series. AND I LOVE IT.

The series in its innovation doesn’t stop there. It serves us very beautiful confessions of love, and equally beautiful scenes of rejection. Pisaeng, Kawi and Pearmai act more grown-up than most overdramatic older characters from other BL series. Also, they show a lot of real life situations, like Kawi with his type of character unable to break through with his art, how fear, shyness and the belief that no one will want to listen to him anyway are paralyzing and preventing normal functioning.

It's interesting how Kawi's personality, upbringing, learned habits and self-instilled limitations made him never really give ANYONE a chance, although the world was full of chances for him. People from his college wanted to be friends with him many times, from the first day, seniors wanted to listen to him and were enthusiastic about him. And Kawi finally understood it - because he wanted to understand it - and he's working on himself.  Now he gets a chance to be a singer, which I'm sure he would have turned down a while ago. Not to mention his peaceful acceptance of Pisaeng's confession, which he feared so much.  I also like the fact that Kawi is no longer afraid to draw strength and inspiration from friends who offer him their support willingly and selflessly.

And one more thing: the series can "sell" good one-liners, and the life wisdom stuff in a natural way, without moralizing and sounding pretentious.

I can't stop gushing about this show, I just love it so much 💖💖💖💖💖

[cleverpaws]

NOT. a generation loss blog

dee en eye if you support that man and that skeleton and what they did in that cage..

actually im keeping the title like that its so fucking funny to me

salutation i am michael (he/they/neos) and uh. get intro post'd x100 - aroace and aplspec fool - bi and/or gay whichever is more comedically convenient - nonbinary dude 🎸🎸⚡⚡⚡⚡ there's no comma there for a reason - vaguely loveless <22222 peace and life - average library volunqueer - king of the wildly inconsistent art & writing styles <- Update we figured out why this was. you'll never guess - cartoonist 💯💯 - your local Mongoose - serial daydreaming problem - introvert??? extrovert???? i'm normal, thanks - AuDHD & NPD probably & probably like 1 million gazillion other Things at this point - the #1 hetch fan (shares this title with 3 of my beloved mutuals) - plural btw. i will now gaslight the internet into thinking i was open about this the whole time and you all just missed it

I RUN @showfallmanagement AND @lostnfounder THE SHOWFALL ASKBLOGS!!! COME SAY HI!!!

ALSO MORE RECENTLY STARTED @notslmccl do NOT go look at "chase" and do NOT poke him with sticks

dream team fans and harry potter fans you are not welcome here!! TRANSGENDER BLAST RAHH 💥💥

also no, people who think queer labels can "contradict" each other you are not welcome here either 💥💥💥 * my bi gay aroace nonbinary guy energy explodes you x100 *

things i am not normal about: - GENLOSS!!!!!!!!!! - ^ and, by extension, ENCOREVERSE!!!!!!!! - BITB!!!!!!!! - JRWI IN GENERAL I JUST PUT BITB FIRST!!!! - PSYCHOLOGY!! - MINECRAFT!!!!! - SPLATOON!! - ANGELS JUST LIKE AS A CONCEPT!!!!!!!!! - BODY HORROR!!!!!

things i am actually somewhat normal about (casual interests): - Studio Ghibli movies - Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro, Kiki's Delivery Service - cartoons (GF, TOH, Hilda, Amphibia, OtGW, Bee n Puppycat) - everywhere at the end of time - little nightmares!! - indie animation usually - ranboo in general somewhat - still sort of the dsmp - video essays!!!!!! esp horror video essays

i tag any and all posts that contain hetch with "#hetch generation loss" and any and all remotely sneeg/frank related posts with. shocker. "#sneeg/frank" go nuts gay people ("#asks" are also tagged)

(and if you go through "#saving this" you will find my many artist resources, recipes, and the occasional Insanely Good Post i think about every day)

ALSO!!! im like Never serious on here ever but just 4 the record (i dont even know if anyone will see this) please do not call me ur friend if i dont know you!! 😭 im aplatonic and while i do still have ppl i consider friends its personally just weird for me to be forced into friendships by people i literally havent interacted with that much (even if we're mutuals!!!!! sah ree guys) (saying stuff like "my friend" at the end of msgs in like that semi joking tone is fine though lol)

how ever...... mutuals r totally free 2 ask for my discord or msg me on here 💯💯

also if you EVER need me to explain any encoreverse lore to you i will drop everything to do so 😍😍

(all banners n images r mine except the mcytblr sexyman voted one by @/tmmyhug and the sonic narc abuse one by @/nicepersondisorder)

skittering sounds alright ill get out of your hair . the particles aren't though. yeah sorry man they uh. they really get stuck in there. sorry

[dojae-huh]

I started getting into Wish after some reluctance but now I enjoy them thoroughly to the point where I watch all of their content. Their content is still at the point where they are getting use to the camera? In a sense that they have a bit of difficulty coming up with topics all the time but I am fine with that because I enjoy their personalities. The Japanese members feel very chic(?) in a way that the Korean members are more softer. As for performing, they are pretty engaging, but my only main issue is Yushi’s facials? Now I am coming from the view of a Yushi and Riku biased person, but i don’t know if its only me but Yushi has inconsistent facials when performing, which at a base is alright but you can kind of tell if hes in a good mood that day? Wish is a song with lots of smiling or energetic facials and sometimes he doesn’t perform to that standard. Other than that I can see why he is the center, he has a charm to him that draws your eyes to him but I feel like he would need to be more consistent in other areas to reach his full potential. My favourite member to watch is Riku, he’s always high energy and fun while performing. I don’t know if you watch all their performances but if you do, do you think theres a stark difference?

I recently realised how Weekly Idol and similar programmes with funny games are essential to idol groups. They allow idols to show themselves and interest a potential fan into paying more attention. Even if a song or a face hooks in an MV or on a music show, the resistance to get into a new group is still big afterall.

Wish are quickly gathering fans, albeit Japanese and Korean for now. I've translated some comments under their YT videos, they get many people in their 20-s and 30-s who watch them to get a dose of cuteness and relax after work, heh. The fans also like the editing, they praise NCT Wish media content team all the time for speed and amount of work they do.

I do watch content and performances, however, I don't pay close attention to Yushi. I only notice he is a good dancer for the team's level. I will look into his facials now that you brought the topic up. Yushi was chosen as the centre because he is the main dancer, and was introduced early. He seems to progress in singing, if he puts energy into learning how to sing properly, he may become a very strong neo.

The issue of inconsistency is probably due to his introverted nature. He is more of a "go with the mood" person like Yuta, so he seems unpredictable. One minute he is shy and quite, another minute he is bold and mischiveious. Riku, on the other hand, has relatives who work in showbusiness. Seems like he was taught how to behave in public. He pays a lot of attention to working for the camera and delivering during performances. He wants to be a maknae, but he is mature mentally, he fits his age.

Wishies are getting the hang of producing content very quickly, their easiness with fanservice helps them. I hope they will continue with their tv-mini-dramas, it's good entertainment.

The members seem at the stage of being awkward with each other still. Particularly with Jaehee, who was added as the last one. Their web of friendships is in the process of being formed. I think it adds to the "difficulty" you've mentioned.

Riku is the mother of the group, but he is different from Doyoung. Doyoung gravitates towards the role, Riku is pushed into it instead, it's like he feels the need to fill in the role because someone has to. I wonder if he has younger siblings.

For now it is: Yushi and everyone (Yushi and Sakuya are roommates), Shion and Yushi (trained together), Shion and Riku (roommates, similar age), Riku and Ryo (seems to click), Riku and Jaehee (Riku is the most welcoming, they gravitate towards hyung-dongsaeng, probably are language pals). Sakuya and Ryo are bound together by age and training period, but there is some mismatch of characters they have to navigate around.

The Japanese are cheeky. Maybe because they moved abroad at a young age. Most Japanese never leave the country (only around 15% travel). In general, foreigners who you can meet outside of tourist groups don't represent the norm for their respective country. With a few exceptions of those countries where taking a leap year and travelling is in the culture. And border cities. In addition, SM selects the bright ones, those who stand out during evaluations.

Speaking of Jaehee. Once he gets over the stage of "wow, I can't believe it is happening", he will be noisy and entertaining. He is afraid to let loose currently, but he is funny, there is an actor in him.

[liv-333]

The 2 Ghosts Of Hero & Villain

Warnings ~ Swearing (I think that’s it)

A/N ~ Tysm for all the notes, I love how this turned out. keep requesting!

Anti-hero had an ever growing pit in their stomach, not that they would admit it to themselves. They had been pondering about going to super villain's lair for sometime, it's not that they were scared of super villain its that they were scared of the buried romantic tension that might be dug up, Especially as anti-hero had to break the news to super villain that they had sold their old shared apartment and were too upset and too afraid to drown in the nostalgia of the place that they had once called home alone. Anti - hero snapped out of their thoughts at once when they realised that they would no longer be welcomed warmly by super villain's guards, perhaps they would turn a blind eye and ignore anti - hero? Yeah likely, anti - hero wasn't even sure if they would still be recognised by super villain having undergone a pretty drastic physical change. Their hair was now shorter and dyed blue instead of long and blonde, their fashion sense had changed, and they were no longer selfless, they weren't hero anymore; they were the anti - hero, if they were going to help someone it's because anti-hero could gain something from it. Anti-hero liked to think that they were still the same, their face hadn't changed much and they hoped that they still acted like they did before and during super villain. They very much doubted it though. Super villain had fucked them up and they would forever hate their ex lover for that. "Shit" anti-hero mumbled as they stood outside of super villain's lair. there were no guards outside, a good sign perhaps, but anti-hero wasn't going to underestimate super villain. That was a dangerous game to play. (And one that they had played before.) Anti-hero carefully climbed the stairs looking out for any lurking guards, however there was none. As anti-hero reached the top floor; where they assumed super villain would be, super villain was always very dramatic, a habit that had only gotten worse with their power trip. "what are you doing here?" Super villain questioned in a sing-song voice, their back turned to anti-hero "I'm surprised you didn't recognise me, at least one of us still recognises the other" "As if you haven't changed anti-hero dearest" "I had good reason to, and I still have some good in me" anti-hero spoke their sentence got quieter at the end. "My question still stands, why are you here" super villain was getting agitated, frustration was clear in their voice and anti-hero could feel super villain's magic around them, it was cool and inconsistent, everything they hoped super villain hadn't become. "Our apartment, all our shit's still in it and I sold it to this couple. I'm not clearing it out myself." anti-hero left no room for argument in their tone and super villain heard this, their hero had gotten less soft since their break-up, it was not the time but super villain felt proud of their hero. "Fine we'll go tomorrow" "We're going today, as in now, today" "I have things to do" "Bullshit" "Excuse me?" "You don't do anything these days, you watch your guards and employees ransack the city, you haven't done anything since you conquered the place." Feeling rather insulted by anti-hero, super villain reluctantly agreed, had any other person spoken to villain like that they'd be dead right now. Super villain felt infuriated, humiliated even by how anti-hero called them out. Love is a funny and complicated emotion but why did super villain still feel it towards anti-hero? A part of villain hoped that anti-hero could maybe one day forgive them for all the hurt and evil they had caused. Super villain also hoped that anti-hero knew that they wouldn't let anyone else talk to them like that. "we're taking my car then" super villain stated. "No, that's too obvious, we can take my motorbike." "You drive a motorbike?" super Villain asked, it was clear that they didn't believe anti-hero. "Yes, now can we go because I really want to get this over and done with." anti-hero whined. "Yeah, sure, whatever." Super villain mumbled. 40 minutes later the pair arrived at their old home, the dust was suffocating and both ex lovers were drowning in a sea of bittersweet memories. "Shit" said super villain a melancholy sadness present in their voice. "yeah" anti-hero was close to tears proving to villain that their once lover hadn't really changed. "where should we start?" super villain asked noticing that they were still the same people, anti-hero was still hero beneath their short blue hair, winged eyeliner and platform boots and villain was still an insecure child longing for someones attention and validation. They were still 2 ghosts of 'hero and villain'. "Ummmmm, how about the kitchen? seeing as we're already in here?" Anti-hero said. "I'm not clearing out mouldy food from the fridge." Super villain spoke sternly. "Just use your powers it'll be chill" Super villain chuckled at their ex lover as they busied themselves with cleaning the kitchen, thank god there wasn't much food in the fridge and cupboards. The pair worked silently, occasionally stealing longing stares at each other. Within an 2 hours the pair had cleared out the entire house until they only had their old bedroom to clean. They both knew it would hurt like a bitch, but they also both knew that they should just rip the band aid off, not that that makes anything hurt any less. Anti-hero's fingers loitered on the door handle, memories flooding from the last time they were here. The then hero and villain had gotten into an argument about villain's line of work, villain had stormed out of the flat telling hero that they never wanted to see them again and that they would regret hero all the time. And then it hit anti-hero, anti-hero and super villain never explicitly broke up, sure the "I never want to see you again" implied it and also said everything that needed to be said. "We never broke up" Anti hero whispered, speaking more to themselves than super villain. "I know, I always hoped you'd come back to me" Super villain stated, their volume matching Anti-hero's. desperation and lost hope was clear in their voice. "That's not fair super villain. You could've and should've come to me first." Super villain heard everything that Anti-hero said, Ant-hero's words lingered in Super villain's head just like how anti-hero's touch once lingered on their skin. clearing their throat Super villain broke the silence first, "Should we go in then, I don't want to spend any longer here then I have to" Super villain's words punctured Anti-hero's heart, it was foolish of them to think that Super villain wanted to be here. Opening the door and leading the way in Anti-hero let out a sad sigh. "Wow." "Wow indeed" The ex-lovers' old room was in pristine condition, it was as if nothing had changed and they were still deeply in love with each other and they weren't just ghost stories in each other's lives. "Should we clear out the wardrobe?" Super villain asked. "Yeah, we can chuck most of my shit, it's not like i'd wear it again anyway." As villain silently agreed they couldn't help but wonder why they called it quits, they moved perfectly around each other, even the paces at which the pair was working complemented the other's perfectly. Super villain couldn't help but selfishly want more, in fact they longed for more. Anti hero and villain had completed the bedroom; they only had their bedside draws left. Super villain knew what was in theirs, Anti-hero was none the wiser. "I have a fun little idea" super villain said in a rather smug tone while opening his old bedside drawer. "Oh god, I doubt this will be any sane person's idea of fun" replied Anti-hero. "How about I clear your draw and you clear mine?" "What, but why?" "Just... Please" "I mean sure, why not but i'm just a little confus-" Anti-hero stopped their sentence when they saw a small velvet ring box, they looked at Super villain as if asking for permission to open the box as they took it in their hands, Super villain nodded with a smile plastered on their face. Anti-hero opened it to reveal a small diamond ring inside, it was small but flashy enough that it could be noticed.Tears started pooling in Anti-hero's eyes and Super villain started frantically explaining. "I was going to ask you to marry me but then we broke up and I ruined everything and i'm sorry, i'm so, so, so sorry and I know an apology on my end will never be enough to justify all the harm iv'e caused but-" Anti-hero kissed super villain, Super villain didn't pull away until Anti-hero did. "An apology won't be enough, but I've done some shit things too. I want to still be able to love you and I think I can, I never really moved on from you." Anti-hero was scared shitless that Super villain would reject their love "How much money did you sell the place for?" Super Villain asked. "I didn't sell it. I just needed an excuse to come back here with you." "You little shit" "Come back here and kiss me idiot" "Wait, I can fake my death." "What!?" "And then we can come back and live here and then we can actually lo-" Anti-hero shut their love up with a kiss. They did need a plan but that could wait. Anti-hero just wanted to sleep. The pair chatted for hours until they fell asleep. Super villain fell asleep first, hugging onto Anti-hero's waist as if their life depended on it. Anti-hero was holding Super villain in return. The feelings in Anti-hero's and super villain's hearts were finally matching the ones in their heads, for they had never really moved on from each other. Not really. They were both Anti-hero & Super Villain but the ghosts of Hero & Villain lived inside the other.

[kookiecrush]

ok girl i am so sorry but you are literally crazy and as insane as the girl that thinks she's married to taehyung. taekook is not real, taennie has practically been confirmed with the 4k photo of taehyung signing that autograph, the cosplayer saying its not him, someone saying it was them and their gf but the alleged gf when on weibo to say that he's lying. i understand ur trying to hold some hope that something you spend all your tie rooting for might be real but i'm just trying to help you here. its not real. you've dug in so deep to the point that you practically cannot get out. jennie and taehyung love each other, tae and jungkook do feel love for each other too. in a friendly way. ur in so deep to the point that if taehyung just went out and said, "i'm not dating jungkook and jennie is my gf" you'd say he lying because he doesn't want his reputation to be ruined by being gay (even if dating and being gay are literally on the same level in k-pop standard) as someone who has been shipping taennie and vmin for years now, i understand how its like to be called delusional. except ur in too deep. you cant accept it. i understood that if they were dating other people, it's fine. i know this started off a bit harsh but i actually just needed to get ur attention. i know this was lengthy but i just wanted to help someone in the shipping community out. i ship vmin a bit less than taennie and i still feel like i'm going through a heartbreak. we can go through this together. we can still read fanfics and keep them in our hearts, but we also have to accept they are dating somebody else. hope you learned something from this. bye!!!

I'm crazy? Okay 😂 But Taenn*e HASN'T been confirmed, and it never will be. Tae signing that autograph means nothing. I never thought there were cosplayers involved. I never doubted that it was Tae in the video. I just don't think their so-called "relationship" is real.

But don't you think the fan with the Vogue magazine was awfully convenient? And its funny how no one else spotted them 🤔 And they allowed the paparazzi guy to film them. And the light in the video didn't match what time of day it was supposed to be. And many more inconsistencies, but if you want to blindly believe in taenn*e, that's up to you 🤷‍♀️

I'm neither "in too deep" or "delusional." I believe in taekook because of what I've seen. And I'm quite happy to keep doing so. So you can take your fake concern and be on your way.

And how do you know Tae and Jennie love each other? Because now you're the one sounding a bit crazy.

The fact that you think dating and being gay are on the same "level" by K-pop standards is WILD. It tells me you are pretty ignorant on the subject and don't have a clue what you're talking about.

I'm not sure what your goal was here, but sending me a long, patronising message under the guise of helping me is pretty pathetic. "We can go through this together?" That's funny 😂 But thanks for the concern 😘

Did I learn anything from your message? Yes, that you're an idiot 🙄

[bluebelleix]

Okay so these are all just rambles about Saint Ars I have in my head that I just wanna let out

I also didn't write these down so they might seem inconsistent so apologies for that

Saint Ars having the lowest divine visionaries is so funny to me. Like I love that school (even if we don't have any knowledge on it) but like that type of situation where its been hundred of years and you still don't have atleast a two digit number amount? Yeah no what the hell is going with school.

Okay there's like 3 main(?) schools which are Easton Magic Academy, Walkis Magic Academy and Saint Ars Holy Magic Academy.

Here's my personal thoughts: Walkis is probably more towards on like being a higher-up?? If that make sense. And taking in about "Power means everything to them", it's probably about having an authority.

They're probably related to the government and politics and stuff I guess. Either that or they're just strong to pass being a Divine visionaries.

Easton is probably specifically towards magic and maybeeee theyre connected with jobs related to magic (magic police etc). Considering the entrance is hard to pass, I guess the failures went either to Walkis or Saint Ars.

So yeah I conclude that they're just related to magic and other stuff like mythical creatures and all that. Like studying them and learning how to seal magic and other dangerous stuff.

Now Saint Ars.. anyone who comes across my posts knows that well, I might be. just a little. enthusiastic about that school.

I could be interested in a character or something BUT NOOOOO my brain just likes this school or something., when there's barely anything related to it.

WHATEVER, anyway, Saint Ars has this religious vibes which is obvious from their logo and well, name.(That's a cross, yiu guys think Jesus exist or something)

Now remember how at that one point that Bureau of Magic guy that's bald said that God gave the world Magic and all that and how there's a bunch of gods you can summon as a third liner?

NOW HEAR ME OUT, it's already so obvious that of course that this is just a church being transformed into a school. I just don't know how to word it out.

I like to think 1. That this school mainly focuses on praising and believing God/ gods(?(do they acknowledge them as well?oh well), 2. Acts like the bald guy but WAYYYYY harsher.

Definitely believes those without magic was chose not to by God and yknow that type twisted mindset. Like they would say, why would God let them exist in the first place?

It's crazyyy

Anyway, the other part which is like Justice related. The law being related to religion is.. I can see it but again, I can't word it out 😔.

I feel like this school is probably towards the Law and other type of stuff related to it.

Now I don't know much of the law so I'm afraid I'm low on info on these type of stuff. However, I can see it but it's hard to describe. The only thing is I know it's about like religious law or something like that.

I guess I can see the school being like related to the Town's church or something and students would always do community work at that place.

I definitely see this school having like. a fucked up idea or mindset. Like I pray that Mash should never be near to this school after his whole reveal.

Actually after that controversy(Mash's reveal), students probably were like so angered because of how they were taught. But I believe maybe one day, that school will slowly but surely grow out of that mindset after like a few years.

Oh and the main God they praise is Themis, God of Justice because of the law thing jfhdh. I imagine that this God is the symbol and pride of that school because "the God helped build it(the law)" lol.

The law and religion.. it's such a nice combo. That school reeks of traditions and moral codes. They probably have a bunch rules to follow and like beliefs.

The teachers are probably all nuns and priest. Do they study magic? I guess they appreciate it more than an average person but they have a higher belief that its a gift from God.

I don't know what type of magic they'll study but definitely not combat.. because "that's what started the war before Adam Jobs came in." They're all in that they don't wanna repeat history and stuff.

So the school is more towards Magic History and Magic Zoology? ("Creatures are also creations of God!" Yada yada type of stuff), though I imagine all schools have the same type of subjects.. I think.

Okay that's all.. I think

[saehaerys]

About Laugh and Forget (1)

Sooo unfortunately I have to work overtime the second day of work. And most of that time I need to be waiting... for experiment to run, so I feel like I could be writing a bit about how Laugh and Forget, Laugh and Forget! came about.

A bit under a year ago, one day in February, I had a horrible idea that Jaehaerys had coveted Saera and in his terrible covetousness he messed it all up, sending her away for cold repentance, and she fled from his face in mischief and utter disillusionment of their bond. It became increasingly unbearable for me to regard this passage of faux history. What if Saera intuited his intent for her, which he himself had yet recognized in its full monstrosity, and pressed her golden head into the burning window of the house of conflagration... Since the first day this has been a story coloured in gold. Gold as in the Era of Reconciliation, as in the people's colouring, as every emotion at play, as how she's thought by many, her siblings even to be best conditioned for his tyranny. I have certainly abused gold in symbolism in the words I churned out so far. It's blatant irony I know. I was under the same influence when I chose the name of the series, Ketoret, a sweet incense burnt on the God's golden altar, over the temple's blood reek of slaughtered sacrifice.

When I started this story, I wrote with whims and only had a very vague plan for where this shall go - I mean, the ending is already written :/ And I think it would hardly end any differently, whether Saera approached Jaehaerys or not. Worse case scenario is that his monster arose and he caged her for life, having crafted a more cunning gaol for her out of half-dignity and ardor, to keep her within his reach. As I proceed, the inconsistency or rather evolution of stylistic things started to disconcert me. Same happened for Saera's characterization, and till now I can't be sure whether her recollection of earlier fantasy of Jaehaerys makes sense when placed next to Ch2, but let's see if as story unfurls.

In Ch1 Alyssa tracked her down. Alyssa is a funny character. She was "bawdy as a barmaid" but there's no scandal of hers along the same vein as Saera's. She wanted of her own accord, to birth many children for Baelon. She and Baelon in many ways are the true golden children of their era, the mini Jaelysanne that they are. She taught Vaegon o the bully of Daella a good lesson, making her a very dutiful big sister with a welcome sense of righteousness. Saera and Alyssa share quite a few things in common. Perhaps exactly because of Alyssa's attachment to Baelon did she manage to evade Jaehaerys's undue favour. The two siblings are too complete together. In loving remembrance to his marriage with Alyssa, Jaehaerys never saw Alyssa in the complex light he saw Saera: doting, pitiful, worried, pained. Had Alyssa been alive, she would've taken on the duty of searching for Saera in her naive conscience despite being so much her parents' daughter.

The title of the story, Laugh and Forget, Laugh and Forget! is self-explanatory as it moves forward. Saera sat down with Alyssa who strove for an answer and had only seen hints of what had transpired when Saera was at court, and told the story between her and her father, which inspired no laughter unless who listened was cruel, and which could hardly be forgotten unless occurred to one heartless. Saera does have one though. But if gods were merciful, perhaps she does not remember what Jaehaerys looked like anymore as years went by, only the vague image of a very calm man who promised her confusion and hell.

Oh also! Stir The Blood by The Bravery is entirely my musical inspiration for anything saehaerys.

[spicyveggiesub]

some thoughts on the official subs for the revue starlight movie (woooo!!!!!!!!) (wrt my own)

overall: IT WAS GOOD. there were some questionable things but it was good. i do think a lot of it was better than mine (i mean i would hope so bc they are paid and qualified to do this and i am not) this is a very lighthearted post about small inconsistencies and things i just burned into my brain

first of all i was like. actively trying not to fixate on the translations so I didn't really look too closely at the lyrics, but i will say some of them blended together lines that in my opinion were not meant to be connected and so it distorted the meaning (what i understood it as at least), it was only in like 3 or 4 cases though i think (i honestly cant remember which) and there were many lines i liked more than my own (i cannot remember) some were also exactly or almost exactly the same

aside from lyrics:

on the train when they listed the starira schools. it was like:

Seisho Music Academy

Siegfeld

Rinmeikan

Frontier School of Arts

i died laughing at this. i wonder if like. whoever was doing this is a frontier fan and was like Oh yeah i for sure know it's Frontier School of Arts but im not sure about siegfeld or rmk im gonna check and get back to that and then they just didn't. it's just so funny. It's like they said you know the rest anyways just fill it in with your brain. i'm like so glad they did this genuinely

For some reason they kept putting seisho as Seisho Music School in dialogue. this was baffling because at one point (the first time i noticed, maybe the first time it happened) Karen was reading the letter she wrote to hikari and her application info books were on screen and it said in big letters SEISHO MUSIC ACADEMY on the seisho book and then below it it said Seisho Music School in the dialogue. i noticed this more after this.. i don't really get why they did that. nbd, my friend didnt even notice it at all, but funny

also they put Actress Training Class, which is like, a combination of starira's Actor Training Department and the text in the movie that says Stage Actress Class? kind of hilarious... we have three official translations for this now

the official revue names are

Annihilation Revue

Resentment Revue

Co-star Revue

Hunting Revue

Soul Revue

The Last Line

ngl this whole __ Revue thing is kind of growing on me. i like it. co-star is just wrong because 競 means to compete they just. kind of fully got that wrong and i hope it is right for the starira card(s?) 😭 also they put Super Star Spectacle as Superstar Spectacle which is fair but there is a space between super and star in the katakana and Super Star Spectacle is the spotify title

they misheard Masai as Sasai due to overlapping audio w the background conversation about a new cyclorama. this made me go ??????? because. did they not have a script?? or was it just a mistake from not checking the script... or did they just not have a script???

the sign when hikari appears says Stage Right Entrance. i put it as Lower Stage Entrance and that was once again me fucking up i have no excuse for this. i actually realized i messed that up a few days before watching this, i will update it in the files in a day or two. i am aware i look like an idiot

they translated 腐れ縁 in futaba's revue intro as inseparable (bond, or something), this made me go D: and doubt mine (rotten relationship). 腐れ縁 is basically like inseparable but negative, like you're stuck together even though you don't want to be. so i guess i was leaning more to the negative (and more literal) side, for better or for worse. i think it has some sort of weight in the context of futakao's relationship though since inseparable can be positive by itself.

give a hero trials, give a saint temptations, give me a devil, GIVE ME YOU. slay. (i dont remember if its singular or plural for the first 2 dont quote me on that)

ah this is one. Pierce through me, with your brilliance. to be honest i was like, a little bit unsure of if hikari really meant through HER, i had intuited that but didn't like. I didn't want to commit to it i was scared... i might change this in the files.

the Claudine Saijo... Beautiful you are. was imo kind of unnecessary....... i get it is supposed to be like archaic speech but you can just say You are beautiful but its not a big deal

at the beginning, i wasn't a huge fan of... This is a stage(/play? cant remember) for goodbye. this kind of sounds awkward to me... also the giraffe then said something like Starlight is a tragedy of inevitable goodbye. i am just not a huge fan of the use of goodbye here...

they missed AIJO KAWAN 😭 its ok so did I.

rip nana's Thou Shalt Not Die by Yosano Akiko reference 😭

nana: I made her cry / junna: I made you cry i wish they made junna say I made her cry so it would be a 1:1 mirror and also bc Nana isn't within earshot of junna when she says this..

New National First Theater Troupe (starira) -> New National Opera Company

Anemone Troupe -> Anemone Theater Troupe

The Distant El Dorado -> El Dorado, Far Away (why not Far Away El Dorado..), Beyond the Blue Skies -> Sky singular (just a stylistic thing i guess)

i will edit this post if i think of something else that isn't completely and utterly trivial. i can think of a lot of lines that were nearly or fully Exactly the same as mine but I don't want to bore you with that.

anyway it was fun 🎉 love the three starira schools Siegfeld, Rinmeikan, and Frontier School of Arts