Tumgik
#incorrectd&dclasses
dndclassesquotes · 1 year
Text
Sorcerer: This Halloween I’m going as a disappointment to my family.
Rogue: At least you won’t have to buy a costume.
118 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
Paladin: Can you do something for me?
Rogue: I would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my DNA at the crime scene, and take the blame for it.
Paladin: Can you do the dishes?
Rogue: *already leaving the room* No.
1K notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
Fighter: I live for two reasons.
Monk: And those would be?
Fighter: I was born and I haven't died yet.
537 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
Warlock: If I die my funeral is gonna be the Biggest F*cking Party and you're all invited.
Paladin: 'If'?
Wizard: Great, the only party I've ever been invited to and they might not even die!
349 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
Fate may be in the hands of the gods, but these hands of god are about to throw down! ~Paladin
315 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 3 years
Text
Bard: I accidentally ate Barbarian’s leftovers. How long do you think I’ll live?
Rogue: Ten.
Bard: Ten what?
Barbarian, entering the room: Nine.
862 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
BBEG: I will ruin your happiness, no matter the cost!
Rogue: My happiness?
Rogue: *to Bard* I'm happy? When did that happen?
204 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
Wizard: What are you doing out this late?
Rogue: Well, we-
Wizard: Five words or less.
Barbarian: *counting on their fingers* We. Had. A. Fight.
Wizard: ...
Barbarian: Bitch.
213 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
Paladin: Who's the Leader here, me or you?
Paladin: Wait, it's me?
Paladin: Shit.
207 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
Bard: There's only three ways to do this. The right way, the wrong way, and the Bard way.
Fighter: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Bard: Yeah, but it's faster.
218 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
Cleric: You were stabbed, do you remember anything?
Fighter: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.
Cleric: There wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.
Fighter: But- I heard sirens...
Cleric: That was Bard.
Bard: Sorry, I was nervous.
188 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
Sorcerer: Honestly, I'm just so evil. So full of darkness. I feed off the souls of the living, I strike fear into-
Cleric: Sorcerer, you sleep with a teddy bear.
Sorcerer: He's my secOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!
184 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
Artificer: Scientists can now turn stress into energy!
Rogue:
Tumblr media
(https://interestingengineering.com/scientists-can-now-transform-stress-into-electricity)
172 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
Cleric: Hey Warlock, did you know that all words ending in -ie are sweet, like cookie and cutie-
Warlock: and Die.
Cleric: ...
Cleric: No Warlock.
160 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
Druid: *sits the Party down* It's time you learned about the birds and the bees.
Party: *looking panicked*
Bard: Druid, n-
Druid: They're dying at an alarming rate!
199 notes · View notes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
Text
Wizard: Barbarian doesn't have a life plan. They don’t have a day plan. I once found a note they wrote to themself that said ‘Put on pants.’
Wizard: It was followed by a question mark.
184 notes · View notes