#inner system

[nonsensisystem]

Had a thought with the homies.

If you were to think of Tumblr like a system, consider the following dynamics:

Different fandoms are like subsystems

Anon hate are persecutors

Social media transplants are introjects akin to fictives/factives

The influx of folk during the pandemic are introjects akin to walk-ins

This makes Tumblr as a system inherently endogenic/mixed-origin

Discuss.

-Kokki

[nonsensisystem]

@irlkomaedanagito This you?

-Josh

[the-can-of-worms]

I think it's foul that i keep falling in love with close friends. My resentment grows beyond comprehension. I recently had friends thanks to my caretaker introducing me to people in fear that i wont socialize and i got on. But its so intense it has only been 4 days and i want to leave the surface of the earth. Godfather cannot help me im doomed

[fairsweetlonging]

time travel au where liu qingge and shen qingqiu (yuan) end up accidentally traveling a decade back in time before luo binghe was amitted to qing jing peak and before shen qingqiu had his qi deviation, but after their generation has risen to peak lords.

which means, shen yuan realizes quickly, as they're accosted by said peak lords, that he will have to face shen jiu.

as they're being cleared for demonic energy and the likes, mu qingfang of course instantly detects the poison without a cure eating away at shen yuan's meridians. liu qingge pulls a copy of the treatment plan out of his sleeve (shen yuan blushes a bit, did liu qingge always keep that on hand?), and just like in the current timeline, they agree to keep it under wraps.

shen jiu tries various times to get a moment alone with shen yuan, but he never quite manages because liu qingge is there, who is also... nice?? to him?? for some reason?? shen jiu gets a bit flustered at the solemn politeness and skitters off.

it comes out pretty quickly that shen yuan has "memory loss", and thus can't remember anything that's currently taking place in this time. shen yuan expects scorn, hatred and disdain from shen jiu, expects to be grabbed and interrogated, to arouse suspicion.

but shen jiu looks....... sad???

being transported here threw shen yuan's qi off-balance (even liu qingge had to sit down, which means it's bad), and his cultivation is already so unstable, so when the peak lords are all squabbling and arguing and threatening and raising their voice, he can feel his body shut down. he sees yue qingyuan start to move towards him, which, knowing the future yue qingyuan, he really isn't up for right now—but before the sect leader can get to him someone else is at his back, transferring him qi, holding him up gently by his shoulders, then coaxing him up, leading him outside

shen yuan's been fed qi by every peak lord at least once. he doesn't recognize this one. that means it can only be one person.

he looks up. it's shen jiu.

and it's bizarre, getting fussed over by the scum villain, having gentle hands run along his back, his hair, that clear, soothing voice calming him down. and somehow shen jiu knows exactly what to do?? somehow it works perfectly on him?? it's almost as if shen jiu has known him his whole—

oh.

bodies, like homes, hold memories, even if the original occupants are no longer there. it's the milestone marks on the doorpost that chart a child's growth, blurry photographs faded by time, scuffed floors from well-walked paths, and tiny holes in the walls where pictures once hung.

shen jiu takes him to the bamboo house, pours him tea, and asks, calmly, what he remembers from their childhood.

it's not his childhood, so shen yuan doesn't actually remember anything, but the body he's in does. the memories it holds are emotional rather than visual; he remembers being alone, scared, and hungry. he remembers anger, pain. a dark room. loud voices. he remembers his heart skipping a beat when heavy boots stomp his way. the sound of a whip.

he doesn't have to lie. the memories aren't his own, and they're from long ago, which means shen jiu has them too. and, he supposes, this is his only chance to find out what really happened.

but shen jiu doesn't say anything about it. he just nods and stares, intensely. then he asks shen yuan if he remembers yue qingyuan. shen yuan says no, he doesn't. the conversation takes a very strange turn after that. shen yuan can't help but feel a little queasy when shen jiu asks him if yue qingyuan has taken advantage of his memory loss.

"has he come into your home? has he brought you gifts, sweets? does he invite you for tea? did you accept?"

he has. shen yuan doesn't know why that would be a problem, the sect leader has been nothing but kind and helpful and patient. and generous, too.

when he says yes shen jiu looks furious.

liu qingge (his one) comes to pick him up, and his time with shen jiu is cut short. somewhere he's glad, cuddling into liu qingge's back as he holds him while they fly. he feels a little bad for yue qingyuan, knowing he's probably caused a big fight, but it doesn't sit right with him. he wishes he knew what happened.

.

liu qingge, meanwhile, is having the time of his life fighting himself. it's good practice!

[nonsensisystem]

Can we please not use fearmongering and moralistically threatening language on political posts that trigger the fuck out of Ouki's moral OCD first thing in the morning? Chris'sake.

PSA for the OCD folk: You are not a bad person for having mental issues, physical issues, or otherwise in any other way cannot bring yourself to participate in political current events. You are not a bad person for being too wound up over all this to be able to actually make any phone calls or anything. You are not the arbiter, and it doesn't make you a bad person or in any way responsible for what's going on if you don't do the thing.

You're okay. I promise. I know it's scary as fuck right now, but you need to take care of yourself, and if that means stepping away, not engaging, just to keep your mental wellbeing safe? More power to you.

You are not obligated to do anything.

-Psy

[deikshen]

Me, working on the teenpregnant Shen Yuan: Well, Yue Qingyuan wouldn't be a bad father to Shen Yuan...

My inner Peerless Cucumber: Are you CRAZY? Of course he would be. This man doesn't have the courage to give AN explanation. He just bows his head and apologizes. He never defends the man he clearly loves; he simply believes others' horrible assumptions and tries to excuse him. And it doesn't matter if Shen Jiu makes those accusations real, proving him, proving what he will do. NO! Yue Qingyuan continues to lower his head submissively, enjoying the contempt because he believes he deserves it. It's what he thinks he deserves. He thinks he deserves that punishment, that making him suffer like that makes his Xiao Jiu happy. EVEN IF IT IS NOT SO! He just assumes and acts, but even in his assumptions, never gives rise to what Shen Jiu really feels or wants. He makes him look worse even unintentionally, when Shen Jiu just wanted a fucking explanation.

Now put a fucking baby on the table. Shen Jiu will say: This is MY son. Mine and no one else's. And Shen Jiu will wait (as always, waiting) Yue Qingyuan gets some balls and say: No, he's my son too, let me be there for him. Let me provide as his father, let me take care of him. Shen Jiu will wait for Yue Qingyuan to break through his mask of indifference, to ruin his fake smile, to do something. For God's sake. To take the initiative for once in his life.

... And Yue Qingyuan wouldn't. He would respect that Shen Jiu has said that he doesn't recognize him as the other father of his child. He would keep his distance, giving expensive gifts to the child who grows every day with his Xiao Jiu's face but his own dark, gentle eyes. He remains like the uncle, the Zhangmen-shibo, a martial uncle who gives gifts, occasionally visits for tea, who cares about his health, education or cultivation.

And Shen Jiu hates it. He hates his mask. He wants to tear it off and scream at him. But, think about it, Qi-ge wants fucking torture, there's his torture. There's his son, if he has the balls to claim him. There is the son with the huge heart and the poisonous tongue. There is the son who will always look to others before himself, and at the same time will fight tooth and nail for what he wants. You want that child to be yours, Qi-ge? Have the guts and claim him, do something, take the initiative, DO. SOMETHING.

But Yue Qingyuan won't do it because he's convinced of his own shit. He believes in his heart that he is doing the right thing by respecting Shen Jiu and his decision, just as he believes he was doing the right thing by apologizing and not explaining. And Shen Jiu boils in fury daily.

And Shen Yuan grows up with his A-die Shen Jiu, and the distant Yue Qingyuan, Zhangmen-shibo, the martial uncle who he discovers at some point that he is also his father. A father who chooses distance over affection, who chooses respect over choose Shen Yuan or his own parental rights.

Me, looking at my inner Peerles Cucumber with FEAR: ... Bro, are you okay? Do you need therapy? ... Okay, so how the hell do we add that...

[teratomatica]

you always land on all fours

[kiddo-chester]

Welcome to Wii Sports Resort!

2000s boy regression art 🐠📀🚗🎮 ft. a little boy with a taped chest; b/c binding does not make you less little !

Please do not s3xualize me or my art -- art & banner by me, pngs f2u -- REJA is my signature !!

P.S. - chest tape is an awesome supplement to traditional binders or sports bras when done safely! Look for 4-inch cotton, silicone-free kinesthesiology tape if you can't afford trans tape. I have been binding for three years, highly recommended :)

[ameba-from-space]

My mom is so excited for my sudden interest in the church and catholicism after years of disinterest in the religion, and I don't have the heart to tell her that it's because I'm spending most of my waking moments thinking about the cardinals from conclave (2024) passionately making out

[theimpurelily]

@grubus taadaa? lol

Sooo ya know that little gif I posted? This whole thing stemmed from me letting things get too out of hand while drawing up the dream scene that was only going to be that tiny little image....I have no regrets.

Just in case here's the rant

WHAT THE FUCK! I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO KISS MY HUSBAND? WHAT A SHITTY DREAM! MENG MO COULD DO BETTER. WAIT, THE ORIGINAL NING YINGYING DIDN'T DREAM OF-OF THAT RIGHT? I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED. I THINK I WOULD REMEMBER? FUCK. IT'S BEEN SO MANY YEARS. DID SHE? AM I GASLIGHTING MYSELF? DOES THIS COUNT AS GASLIGHTING? REGARDLESS, WHY THE FUCK WOULD MENG MO SHOW ME THAT? WAS IT BECAUSE I WAS PUT IN A WIFE PLOT? SO HE JUST...JUST AUTOMATICALLY DID THAT? LIKE A GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM OR SOMETHING? OMG! WAIT! DID BINGHE SEE THE WEDDING? FUCK! WAS THAT HIM THERE AND NOT JUST SOME FAKE? FUCK! WAIT! NO. HE WOULD STILL BE TALKING TO MENG MO... RIGHT? BESIDES, I’M A GUY! SO BINGHE WOULD NEVER WANT TO-TO...SYSTEM! DID BINGHE SEE THAT? WAS THAT HIM? SYSTEM! WHAT THE FUCK! WILL I BE PUT IN FUTURE WIFE PLOTS JUST BECAUSE I'M BINGHE'S BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD...

[urloveangel]

[nonsensisystem]

Y'know I don't think I'll ever come out and talk at-length about my personal stances in the psychiatric field, but considering I just had to block somebody following me after reblogging a reblog of mine with the most uncomfortably mean-spirited and out of touch "well actually" ever, I will say one thing:

I am antipsych in the sense that the culture around psychiatry in an anthropological sense is very cultish in its mannerisms. Therapy, psychiatric medication, and the like is historically heavily rooted in oppression of the neurodivergent and mentally ill. While psychiatry as a science is, like other sciences, subject to peer review and the like, this does not inherently erase these roots and the overall field is still riddled with stigma and oppression to this day. Involuntary admittance, overprescription of medication, and the entire basis behind antipsychotic medication as a whole is still prevalent to this day.

To ignore this in favor of touting science as above such things due to its nature of peer review is disingenuous at best and malicious at worst. Willful ignorance to the history of oppression that the entire field of psychiatry was built on, in the blind belief that it's "better" now, and "we don't do that anymore" is speaking over those who the system as hurt. It's not better now. They still do that. It is not as simple as reporting and having a license revoked, because this sort of saneist oppression is baked into the very foundation.

I do not say that lightly, either. It is the same in my own field of study. As an anthropologist, I have to be very mindful of the history of the field, which is riddled with racist oppression and Western grandstanding. I was required to take an entire course to learn about it so that we can learn from the mistakes of our predecessors and avoid such things in the future. It was my capstone class, and it taught me to be very critical of the origins of many things and the true nature behind them.

Is it really for the benefit of those affected, or are we merely pushing them out of sight (involuntary admission), smothering them into conformity (overmedication), or outright sedating them into compliance with a pill that was marketed for one thing but really just turns your brain off (antipsychotic medication)?

And yet the culture around therapy and psychiatric intervention, the pedestaling of the professional diagnosis and treatment and "fixing" your problems with meds and therapies and the like with a blind faith that it is Science and therefore it is Right, is frankly grotesque. This blind faith in the field's own ability to self-regulate because it is Science and therefore it is Right, is misinformed to say the least. When the entire field is built on a foundation of oppression, and the people running it to this day have yet to fully dismantle that foundation, it inherently cannot be trusted at face value.

Reporting to have a license revoked? Who is to say anyone will take that seriously when it is common practice these days. You fail to realize that the ones with the clipboards are the ones in power here, because they make the rules. Are there good ones? Yes, of course. But that does not mean all or even most of them are good. It's the luck of the draw if you were to find a "good" one in the practice.

You are putting your faith in the institution when you go to them for help. That is what we mean when we say therapy is "faith-based." To ignore that is to trample those with psychiatric trauma, either from drawing poorly or suffering the misfortune of shouldering a stigmatized diagnosis, because no! Those in the field are NOT immune to stigma! And that inherently affects the quality of their work, and when stigma is so pervasive that even the professionals are prone to it, then what is someone to do?

Peer review and the recognition of fallibility in Science does not make it inherently Good. This is a circular argument which fails to recognize that in order for peer review to happen, things must first go wrong and then the question becomes whether they are listening to the people affected about what, exactly, counts as wrong.

[theambitiouswoman]

Working through PTSD method

While what I’m going to say might sound far fetched to some of you. Healing emotional wounds by writing to your younger self is supported by neuroscience and therapeutic techniques

It involves visualizing yourself at the moment of trauma, not to relive it, but to bring comfort, protection & change it to a new narrative. You write letters to your inner child, offering the words you needed to hear back then: safety, love, understanding, or even a different outcome

This isn’t just feel good journaling by any means. It taps into a process called memory reconsolidation, where recalled memories can be updated with new emotional information. In other words when you revisit a memory and pair it with a new emotional experience, your brain can rewrite it. Over time, this can reduce the emotional charge and even shift how you perceive the past

Therapies like EMDR, IFS & inner child work all use similar methods. They show us that healing doesn’t always require forgetting the past but meeting it with new awareness and compassion

This is not to say that the past didn’t happen or to invalidate how you felt, but to give your nervous system a new outcome. You’re not erasing the memory, you’re offering it healing. When you rewrite the emotional imprint you help your brain and body release the survival patterns that formed around that moment

[nonsensisystem]

@irlkokichiouma Trust Him Not Me core

-Oswald

more stories where falling in love is a horrifying fate worse than death rather than a source of comfort and hope. more stories where love is understood as a terminal affliction.

[kiddo-chester]

Self-indulgent green! boyre 🫛🥯🌻🕯️

[findmeinthefallair]

Mindscape, based on this post I made weeks ago

The yellow light is Flapjack's life force 😭😭😭😭