#instead he just gets the worst of both canons and needs All The Therapy

[littlerosetrove]

"Is that really love? Right, shouldn't it be when you're at your worst, they're at their worst, you have every reason to give up and you still decide you want to try again." - Buck, in season 5 in a conversation with Maddie. When applied to Buck and Tommy, their worst is miscommunication and a lack of proper communication. That's it. It's clear they really like each other, and frankly love each other, they just need to work on their communication skills. Once they both get past their fears, they can absolutely overcome that hurdle.

Now compare Buck and Eddie. We've seen some of their worst moments, one of them on Eddie's part most recently.

At Eddie's worst, specifically in 8x17 to start, we saw Eddie accusing Buck of making everything about himself, when he was not. Eddie made Buck feel bad about his grief to the point Buck apologized to Eddie, when he didn't need to. Eddie low-key implied that Buck didn't do everything he could to save Bobby, a man who was a father figure to Buck. Eddie physically advanced on Buck, and we now know from recent interviews that that violent undertone was intentional. The next morning Eddie left a vague note about leaving for the airport. When Buck pointed out how crappy that was, Eddie downplayed Bucks feelings and sidestepped it. Instead of apologizing, Eddie flew in Chris from Texas as a bandaid (a gift so to speak to "make up" for his poor behavior).

Eddie has had other "worse times", and in some of those moments, he has accused Buck of making everything about himself. Meaning, Eddie does view Buck as a selfish person. And again, Eddie never apologized for his actions or words.

At Bucks worst moment towards Eddie, out of jealousy (Buck wanted to get to know Tommy) Buck accidentally sprained Eddie's ankle in a basketball game. For which Chimney and Maddie reprimanded Bucks behavior, and Buck showed genuine remorse. While we didn't get an apology on screen, it was clear Buck did apologize to Eddie off screen.

The only other moment I can think of for Buck was season 3 during the lawsuit when he had to tell his lawyer more private things about his coworkers, all in order to get his job back. Even so, Buck apologized to everyone.

So, at Eddie's worst, he'll consistently belittle Bucks feelings and has currently escalated to being physical with him, too. Romantic or not, this is not okay. Think of Chimney doing and saying anything like this towards Maddie. No one would be okay with this, and rightfully so. Just because Buck is a man, and a physically large man, does not mean he deserves to be treated like this, by a friend or romantic partner. If Tommy had done and said any of these things, people would be rightfully pissed at him, myself included.

If Eddie's impulse or instinct or whatever you want to call it when he's at a low point is to belittle Bucks feelings, lash out, and get physical with him, and never really apologize for his behavior, then what Eddie needs to do is go to therapy.

All of this is why I personally no longer ship Eddie and Buck in canon. I do not want Buck to be romantically involved with someone who treats him like this. Buck does not deserve it, nor does he deserve his supposed best friend to treat him this way. I'm baffled at the writers and Tim for escalating things like this in season 8. It's made it rather unpleasant, for me at least, to even watch their "friendship" on screen.

[i-cant-stop-fandoming-help]

Bored so. Dra characters and if i think theyd be shit parents or not. (Not including people who are canonically parents)

I will reblog this with the sdra2 characters and what i think theyd be like as parents.

Mitch: he'd be an absent father

Kiyoka: i mean. She'd probably do decently enough. She wouldnt be perfect but she wouldnt be awful, either.

Kizuna: it really depends!! If shes a single mother, i think she'd really struggle with it. Both of her parents were bad, but still in her life, and as a single mother... i think she may unintentionally be bad. BUT!!! If she has a good partner, i think she, like kiyoka, could be a decent mother. I think she'd also definitely need to get some sort of therapy before being a mother, just so she can unlearn things that minako taught her.

Ayame: she'd definitely be a good mother! She'd make sure her child has a good balance between everything. 25/25/25/25 for games, excersize, schoolwork, and anything else. She would care a lot.

Kakeru: probably a good dad. I think he'd adopt kids, maybe teenagers, and try his best to make sure theyre happy as can be.

Kanata: like kakeru, i think she'd be adopting. And i think she'd be a good mom. After the good ando and his wife did for her, by adopting her and raising her with care and love, she'd want to do the same for other children out there.

Kinji: part of me is tempted not to include him because of the orphans.... hes actually their dad now. He was willing to kill to keep them safe so... hes at least decent. At most hes a great parent.

Haruhiko: probably decent. Not the best, not the worst.

Satsuki: i mean... i dunno she feels a bit complicated. She was raised in a large family. Her parents basically saw her as something else to help them profit, as they probably did with all of their kids. Almost all of her siblings saw her as competition instead of family. Keisuke was basically acting as her father, because neither of their parents did a proper job raising her. I think she'd have to realize how wrong all of this was before having her own kids-- only then do i think she'd be better than decent. Also i think it'd be best if she only had 2-3 kids because we are NOT repeating what her mother did. 21 KIDS???? JESUS CHRIST

Yamato: from the sounds of everything, Hanzo did a good job raising him. Because of his strong sense of morality, i think he'd be a good father. Not great, but not just decent, either. I think he'd help his kid with a lot of things, but possibly, unintentionally, make his kid worry about living up to expectations.

Mikako: i think she'd be a very caring mother. Not overprotective or a "they can do no wrong!" mother, but she'd care for her kids as if her life depends on it. I think, if there were ever a possibility of her finding out what kokoro did to her, it'd mess her up a bit and she'd worry more about failing as a mother.

Utsuro: ........would he even be present? I dont know. I dont think he'd even want to be a father.

Akane: its easy to imagine her as a mother, but shes gone through hell and back and she's experienced lots of poor treatment. She didnt really have a mother for a lot of her life, because her mother died when she was still young. She never knew her father. I dont think she really had any good parental figures in her life, other than the possibility of another maid or two caring for her when she was just starting out and when she grew up. But so many people have harmed her that... i think she'd be scared of having a child. I think she wouldn't want to bring a child into the world, knowing they could suffer the same hell she did. Knowing how cruel the world is. So, i dont know if she'd be a good or bad mom. I don't think she'd want kids.

Teruya: kojiro set a good example for him! He'd probably be a good/great dad! Bbbbbut theres a chance his kid could end up being terrified at the idea of being the heir to otorimart.

Tsurugi: SHIT FATHER!!! Maybe in a happier timeline, he would be decent. Maybe if given the time to escape the beliefs that his father placed on him, he would be decent. But if we go by the tsurugi seen in sdra2... i just dont think he'd be a good father at all.

Rei: AMAZING MOTHER. LISTEN TO ME. She's smart. She knows that what she experienced as a child was wrong. She would not want her own child to feel as unloved as she did. She was abandoned and had to fend for herself on the streets while she was still young. She would be hesitant on having a child, but she'd be an amazing mom to any offspring she has. I actually have written a fic with her as a mom! it's uh. for the fankidronpa i'm helping write. Here's the link. (it's going to be released in parts bit by bit as the fankidronpa itself actually releases, to expand on a character more :3)

Keisuke: i said it in satsukis portion, but he practically raised her. She was practically his daughter. (Meaning he likely experienced parentification of some sort which is a topic for another time.) But I think he'd actually do pretty good! At least... that's regarding DRA keisuke. SDRA2 Keisuke would not do as well, probably. He'd be decent, still, but after beginning to follow the same beliefs that Tsurugi follows... I don't know how to explain it, but I think he'd fail a bit in certain areas.

Ryutaro and Midori: Honestly? I don't know, with these two. But... I think they'd have to adopt. If they wanted children at all, I think they'd have no choice but to adopt. Why am i including them together?........ Listen they're the only ship i'm going to include in this post. They're their own people away from the ship, yes, but i think it'd be the same either way. The only difference is that I think ryutaro might not want children, and Midori would be worried about adopting a child at all due to the fear that she could die from any sickness at any random time.

Anyways it's 2:08 AM and I am your locally insane dra fan.

[watchingyoufromthestars]

Finally cleaned this up so here’s my DnDads ultimate ship opinions list. I was waiting until after s2 ended to clean this up in case I had any final opinion changes with the last few episodes. Please don’t bash me for any of these. The DnDads fandom is generally very nice but shipping discourse is something that can get heated no matter the fandom.

Dads

Henry Darryl: very neutral. I understand the ship I just never fully got on the boat

Henry Glenn: absolutely fucking feral about them do not get me started on Glennry

Darryl Glenn: feral in a different way that I don’t know how to describe other than toxic yaoi in the way that they’re damaged but refuse to talk about it so they kiss about it instead

Loveeeeeeee polydads but only as Henry/Glenn/Darryl. Not really a Ron shipper I love him and Samantha too much. Ron and Glenn’s friendship is very important to me though

In terms of Jodie, I don’t really ship him with any of the main dads, ESPECIALLY not Glenn. Even if Jimmy didn’t play Jodie I’d still never ship them. Wish Scamster was real and not completely a scam because they’re literally a crackship become real except it was never a crackship before canon. It’s surprising to me that they weren’t really shipped beforehand

Henry Mercedes: THE T4T OF ALL TIME BABEYYYYY. Absolutely iconic couple, fate was in their favor with how they met they were destined for each other

Darryl Carol: After hearing how Darryl talked about his family in Heaven, I was actually really happy they ended up not getting divorced. They clearly had a rough patch as seen in s1, but they genuinely love each other and I love how devoted to her Darryl is. The little finger puppet he made of her in the time out zone… :,)

Glenn Morgan: GLORGAN!!!!!!!!! Oh my god these two tear me apart. I am feral for Glorgan angst there’s too much to work with. More people need to start calling them Glorgan instead of Morglenn please please please please pretty please indulge me in my silly ship name

Ron Samantha: sobbing. They’re so sweet. The distinction that Samantha is also a little silly is very important to me. They love each other so fucking much

Kiddads

Nicky Sparrow: didn’t realize how much I love them for a good while but when I did oh god I love them so so much. T4T it’s so real to me that they’re both trans

Nicky Lark: used to like it but yall mischaracterize Nicky so much in fics. If yall want toxic yaoi just ship Grant and Lark I’m so serious

Nicky Terry: sobs. They were best friends. I don’t personally ship them but the fact that Terry said he was his best friend… that line rattles around in my brain so often

Nicky Grant: recently learned this might get shipped and has THE coolest ship name. Crossfire I love you but for the ship name alone

Sparrow Terry: I think I’ve seen this shipped a few times but only in the context of Terry/Nicky/Sparrow. Not my personal cup of tea though

Sparrow Grant: I don’t see this shipped too often but they have the worst ship name ever /aff. Wtf is a spant lol. Also I’m too much team transfem Sparrow to feel comfortable shipping this

Lark Terry: do not know the appeal of Gun Control but their ship name is fun

Lark Grant: toxic yaoi central. They both need intense therapy but them both being so fucked up is what makes them interesting not that that’s healthy though

Terry Grant: I see them more in a qpr place than anything romantic. I have one fic of them that’s bookmarked on Safari because I think about a part from it from time to time

Don’t have any poly ships for them

In terms of s2 spouses I so desperately wished we could’ve seen more of them. We barely get to see them

Nicky Cassandra: Telling Taylor his dad was a good man and that she misses him every day makes me think they parted on good terms. But then Nicky disappeared because of FBI shit. In another life maybe they could’ve worked.

Sparrow Rebecca: more ugly sobbing. I’m unsure on my sparroace thoughts if they’d end up getting divorced post-finale but I know they’re not fully separating or breaking up. They really are in love but it’s unconventional and messy.

Terry Veronica: I think the reveal that Terry is infertile is a nice touch to their relationship. It sounds weird to say and I feel like I might word this all weirdly. Him being unable to have bio kids but finding love in someone who wants to raise a kid with him anyways. Veronica finding new love again after a supposedly abusive relationship. Both of those combined is something I really love.

Grant Marco: Canon gays ftw. The Titanic episode was so generous in letting us get to see their dynamic. Obviously Grant still has a long way to go in finding self love but I’m so happy he found someone who can support him and loves him back like this.

Teens

Normal Scary: ugly sobbing over them I love them so much. Cradling my madomagi and tma aus with them as madohomu and jmart

Normal Taylor: yearning for the early s2 days like when they went to Sonic and made some devious plan off screen I wish they had more silly interactions together. Was truly fed with the kareoke intro and them bonding over costume making for a minute. Tayloak could be so interesting if there was more material to work with

Normal Link: Childhood BFFs to Lovers; I wish they could’ve hung out more as kids but all that happened

Normal Hermie: I get the hype but I have personal reasons for feeling neutral on them that I wish I could get over. Good soup though /ref

Scary Taylor: see them too much as a sibling dynamic to ever ship them

Scary Link: respect to all y’all shippers but I do not gothcleats and will leave it at that forever. I can only accept the finale with my transfem Link hc

Scary Hermie: I love Scene Partners. These stupid kids and reflecting each other /aff

Taylor Link: one that I can’t believe I didn’t ship sooner they’re so silly

Link Hermie: I think this one is very funny (/pos) but not my personal vibe

Love love LOVEEEEEEEE Marloakworthy AUGH. A giant triangle of everyone paralleling each other

Polywagon I love you; cannot believe you’re real and genuinely canon. This is just Homestuck again when Hussie said all ships are canon (DnDads never beating the Homestuck allegations from me)

Scary Erica: wish there were more interactions I love Erica so much but alas she’s a guest NPC. “You awaken a lightness in me” sapphic ass Scary I know what you are

[redwolfstabs]

billy trying to be a dad to tara hcs pls?!?! with the help of sam's convincing ofc hehe

OFFFCCCCC

I genuinely love thinking about this. Omg. Ofc ofc ofc sweet Tara MREOW

Tara and Billy father/daughter dynamic head canons for my Tara 🩵 [definitely not influenced by Sam, who would say such a thing??]

Okay, as I stated in my team loomis post: Billy initially didn’t want to be a dad to Tara. Tara wasn’t his, he didn’t see a reason to try with her. BUT, after seeing her and Sam being close and after overhearing their conversations about certain things, Billy came to the conclusion that it would probably be best to be a dad to Tara as well.

He’s a hardass with Sam, but with Tara, he’s mostly laid back in a way. He’ll worry about Tara and everything, but they don’t bicker as much as he does with Sam.

NOW, at the beginning Tara somewhat avoids Billy. She’s not scared of him or anything, but she doesn’t know how she feels in all honesty. She wants to be with Sam, and Sam is with Billy, but she’s very cautious.

Billy takes note on the cautious attitude from Tara, and he slowly involves her into conversation he has with Sam. Small example:

Billy:*Talking to Sam about something from his past* Sam:*Listening* Tara:*Walks into the room* Sam!- oh.. hi Billy:*Looking at Tara* …Hey Tara, need something? Tara:Not really.. just wanted to remind Sam of something. Billy:Ahh,, well, We’re talking about how highschool was for me, wanna know about it? Tara:..Sure, yeah- okay-

I feel like Tara would make more of an effort to actually let Billy get close after he starts his therapy. Because it helps her realize that yes, he is making an effort and yes, he does care.

Just like with Sam, Billy tends to be way too protective of Tara. Tara makes new friends? Billy has to ‘inspect’ them. Tara gets a partner? Billy also intimidates them.

[ik you ship tamber so this is personally for you teehee] Billy is very 50/50 about Amber being around Tara. While he does try to be the “protective but still laid back” kind of dad to her, when Amber is around it’s a different story. It’s always “Door stays open.” “No, Amber cannot stay for dinner.” “Tara, don’t you have college homework to work on instead?” “Tara, I just don’t see why she needs to be around so much.” He is NOT homophobic, he just gets the worst of vibes from Amber. [does he eventually let it go because Tara is happy? …yes, but Tara can’t know that]

Tara would remind Billy to take his medication everyday because she would be used to reminding Sam, and Tara knows they both forget a little too easily.

This one actually goes for Sam and Tara and I just thought of it omg- Billy keeps track of their cycles, so a few days before it starts he goes out and gets everything they might need. Like medicine, their favorite drinks and snacks, things of the like

To go with the one previously, I like to think Tara has a special blanket she cuddles up with when her cycle starts, but it has to be freshly washed and really warm and fluffy when she gets it, and Billy has learned this and starts washing it for her. Crazy thing is? He’s figured out how to time it almost perfectly so when it’s done in the drier, Tara goes and gets it so it’s EXTRA warm.

Billy will also kill for Tara if she asked. It’s his love language apparently.

Billy will absolutely give Tara anything she wants, but, he only does the at when Sam’s around. Call him crazy- he wants to mess with Sam in the process [playfully, of course.]

Billy loves taking Tara out shopping. He just loves being with her and sam, but also, he loves seeing the different ways Tara will style herself. [don't tell Sam, but Billy absolutely thinks sam needs a lesson or two in style]

HOPE THESE ARE OKAY FDHFDJHGFJGHFSHDG AND I HOPE YOU LOVE THEM!!!

[fallenclan]

random cat-specific headcanons

or i guess. canons. since im the guy who made the clan.

-silverbelly is extremely soft on any cat/kit that joined the clan young. especially if they're around the same age she joined the clan, 3 moons. she always takes extra care to show them around camp and assure them if they ever need medical attention she wants them to come and tell her, and she promises she'll help. because of this, a lot of cats who joined the clan young are also very soft on her in return, and will sometimes just come to the medicine den to hang out.

-Wormshade has TERRIBLE allergies. the worst. in newleaf his nose gets extremely itchy and he keeps scratching it even when Flyspots keeps telling him not to. sometimes it makes the scar on his nose hurt from all the itching, poor fella. his kids (Beefreckle & Mothspots) make fun of him endlessly for this.

-on the topic of FlyWorm. flyspots absolutely BEGGED wormshade to name their kits after bugs when they came along. wormshade wanted to name one of them after Nick, but agreed that Nickkit was a weird name and they went with bugs instead.

-Maplestar & Applebranch both forget that Honeygleam is dead sometimes. every so often they'll be hanging out and instinctively go to say something to him and find he isn't there.

-Silverbelly still has some of the dried herbs that were always stuck in Stormsight's pelt. she found them on her fur after the vigil and tucked them away in a little crevice. sometimes when she's really missing him she'll lie down and rest her face on them.

-about 80% of the clan is under the impression that Juniperfoot, Myrtleclaw, and Sandsnap are dating. this includes Ospreyswipe (Juniper's brother).

-when Hawkwish lost her leg, Applebranch helped her with her physical therapy, giving her tips on how to improve her balance after losing a limb. this brought them really close, and now sometimes Hawkwish will go to the elder's den after a long day and hang out with her grandma, who is happy to listen to her vent, chatter on about nothing, or just sit in silence and wash her granddaughter's ears.

-Eaglestripe & Hawkwish were never very close to Rabbitpounce. he didn't mean to have kits with Molesong, and (with Molesong's permission) wasn't really interested in raising them. he was more like the socially awkward uncle to them than a dad. despite this, Rabbitpounce was the one who gave Eaglestripe her full name when she went to receive it at the glow-cave.

-Willowsplash and Bub are the WORST EVER cats to get in an argument with (closely followed by Bluefern, Evie, & Newtscar). they will not only verbally tear you to shreds (backing each other up the entire time) but they find any and all attempts at retaliation funny. absolutely infuriating couple that loves to get silly with it.

-Bluefern and Newtscar were best friends since they were kits. they grew up in the nursery together, and then they were apprentices together. when Evie joined the clan, they would sometimes laugh about how they both had a crush on him, and along the way, they realized they both had a crush on each other, too. they became mates with the hope that Evie would soon join them.

-Waspflight often feels overshadowed by her siblings, but covers up this insecurity with an energetic personality, and lots and lots of jokes. she had a little crush on Salmonskip when they were apprentices, but grew to see her more as a sister when Salmon and Moosefall started to date.

-Mossfrog isn't sure how she feels about possibly being deputy one day. she knows that a lot of the clan expects her to, since she was always a prodigy and graduated so early, but she's terrified of the idea of being in charge of an entire clan, even if she does like the idea of being able to look after them. sometimes she wishes she could be deputy without the expectation of being leader.

-most of the cats around his age have a crush on Myrtleclaw. hes charming like that.

-out of all of her siblings, Hailcrash was always the least close with Moonstep. they got along, sure, but they weren't best friends--despite this, she still relies on him a lot, even if she's a little older than him (Moonstep is the youngest of all Toro's kits).

-Maplestar was always the leader of the bunch (the bunch being him, Honeygleam, Applebranch, Silverbelly, & Dawnshine) when they were young. he was the most mature, and a good decision maker, so he often found himself reining in Honey, Dawn, and Apple's chaos, and stepping up when Silver was too shy to. because of this, they would sometimes jokingly call him Maplestar. Applebranch always secretly thought he'd make a great leader; turns out she was right.

-Boulderstep still sometimes worries that clanborn Fallenclan cats don't trust him, since he came from a clan that was, at the time, at war with them. Fallenclan is on better terms with Shallowclan now, but he still makes a point to avoid their borders, and not mingle with any Shallowclan cats at gatherings.

-on the topic of gatherings. the first gathering that Maplestar attended as leader, he almost called it quits and went home. he still thinks that he's never felt as awful as he did in that moment, as all the clans watched him step out of the crowd and jump to the top of the gathering rock, where his father had stood for as long as most cats could remember. the only thing that kept him there was Applebranch grinning at him from the crowd, even as she cried.

-though Sorrelstem still misses Otterslip, the memory of him has become less soft over time. she never went out looking for him (though she often wanted to), but she always told her kits that he was on the right side of history. sometimes, as time went on, she wondered if that was true.

-Teddyfluff was glad that Otterslip got exiled. he gave him the creeps. he would rather die than admit this to his beloved wife.

-Crowflame tries not to show it, but sometimes he's insecure about his scars. he's easily the most scarred cat in the clan, and some cats (especially kits and apprentices) will stare at him, or make a remark. Blizzardfang (his mate) has become excellent at figuring out when he's feeling especially awful. if complimenting how handsome he looks that day doesn't work, she'll simply stand on his scarred side and press up against him until her fur covers the injury. he pretends to be mad, but secretly loves being close to her.

-Yewberry has a very short temper. Brambletuft has helped him soften it a little, but he still finds himself set off by some things--particularly if any cat brings up Otterslip. he'll snap at them to shut up and forget about the past, and usually stalk off. more lighthearted things that make him mad are when Ivybounce calls him "little brother" (he's only a few minutes younger, thank you very much) or when people laugh about how much bigger Brambletuft is than him (he is NOT that small. fuck you).

i will be doing more of these. peace & love forever

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog 5: many words much analysis

His favorite parenting technique: Bullshitting

Yet again, we have the tenets of Lou theorizing reiterated here by Kerubim and Simone, as well as this flashback:

She left sad, and unlike many other times, without any anger for Kerubim.

She left Luis with him to watch over him.

She also left Luis because he couldn't go with her, but that could mean many things.

She left after Ecaflip City, obviously, and at that time, their relationship seemed the healthiest. (Well, as healthy as it could be.)

Unlike all the other times, Kerubim didn't go searching for her. It seems this separation was final in a way no other was, and there had to be a reason that he didn't go and try to make up. An unsolvable issue.

Both Luis and Kerubim blame Kerubim, and the first one uses this to make the second one angry.

Adieu, translated here as Farewell, is a word used for when you never expect to see one another ever again.

And sure, Luis really hated that. To the point of not allowing anyone to clean him ever again.

And yet...

That's what I thought you'd say, you lying asshole. In this liveblog, so far, I had taken a stance against referencing future episodes, but I feel the need to pinpoint this now:

Aux Tresors De Kerubim is a show that will lie, cheat, and deceive you. A show that is incredibly transparent about being at least a little bit, but an in-universe fiction.

Kerubim Crepin is a man who has mastered the art of not really lying, but, more-so, fudging the situation. Usually for the better.

And, as seen from this screenshot of the shop as it was two years before Joris was born, sometimes, for the worse.

Kerubim had many ways to solve his situation — convince Luis to let him clean once in a while via the use of psychic warfare, find a different house, or clean while Luis was sleeping, which Luis canonically does, like Kerubim will later do, after Simone is gone, because unlike her, he's not good at not pissing Luis off.

Or, perhaps, he could have continued doing whatever maintenance he was doing, during the time Atcham showed up and tried to boil him in a sauna. Because back then, Luis was allowing him to clean the house. Just food for thought!

Even Luis doesn't really like the situation they're in.

So, letting himself and their home go, never trying to get them out of this situation, — are both his active failings as a parent, not something he passively went through.

There is absolutely no excusing the way he raised Joris.

So yeah. I will just have to make these two into soup.

The thing is, his lying doesn't come from malice at all.

Kerubim hates disappointing people or appearing weak, because, as we'll see, from his personal experience, relationships just don't end well if you present your authentic self without thinking, or just don't lie well enough. He will keep lying in even the most dire circumstances, because not being good enough is the worst sin he could partake in.

He doesn't really have a self-esteem, or a way to like himself, without outside validation, because of the sheer brainrotting trauma of his childhood and his relationship with Ecaflip. And it just so happens, that being a parent is having a little validation machine running around... As long as the child believes he is competent and an indisputable authority, that is.

Which Joris will, one day, realize, just isn't true.

(hint: before the end of Aux Tresors, but fully set in stone in the movie.)

.......yeah to end it on a funnier note, i really do think Kerubim Crepin shouldn't have been at the club.

he should have been getting therapy. he should have been doing inner child healing. he should have been researching coping mechanisms for cluster b personality disorders, of which he has 2. Imagine having a kid instead of therapy.

Choosing beggar Keke!

If they ever make a second Dofus movie via crowdfunding, I will enshrimpify myself. I think she would destroy Bakara's cringe teenager self. I think Bakara would be jealous of her and Joris's aunt-nephew relationship.

...Yeah I love Bakara and Simone a lot. How could you tell?

Some canonical info on Luis's cleaning protocols.

When Kerubim thinks things are going bad, it's "It'll be ok! Don't worry! We can make it!" When Kerubim is suffering through it, it's "I don't know. Don't ask me. I don't know. Probably. Not a good situation." But when Kerubim truly loses all hope, it's "THIS IS ALL MY FAULT, AND I FAILED YOU, AND I'M AWFUL, AND I'M NOTHING, and it's OVER, and we are going to DIE."

A very helpful thing to keep in mind, to see how distraught he is during various events.

He's good at putting on a casual front while under stress, but it means that when he cracks, his fears burst out like an ocean and take him out of the commission entirely.

It's both a character flaw, and a strength of his, allowing him to not lose hope even at the worst times / help others not feel as distraught. We will see this in some significant, albeit very subtle, portrayals of his character in the Wakfu OVA, as well as the ease with which he takes control of dangerous situations.

Him being insecure and a liar never really changes, but he really does do it all out of love.

One of the most significant lines of this show. It appears both in the second episode, and second-to last episode, expressing one of the main themes of the show: the uneven, often clumsy and painful, nature of love and family. From a chance meeting that doesn't go the best, like here, to, well... the way it's used later the second time.

Kerubim's musings on items in this scene introduce the other theme: Stagnation, progress, and memory. In his opinion, it is only natural for artefacts to pass through different hands, instead of being locked up in a vault. Yet, Kerubim himself is stuck in this shop, collecting dust, being a subpar parent to his son, and never moving on from a multitude of painful break-ups that happened decades ago.

Joris's recitation of his words introduces his, for now, unwavering belief in his papycha. Which makes Kerubim's insecure self feel very giddy and loved.

Then, Simone kicking them out promptly introduces the theme of her being literally the best.

It must feel nice for Joris to see their home look good for the first time in his life. As sad as it is, I am very happy for him. The way he begins running around the house, looking at everything, while Kerubim is walking around in a literal daze, is just so adorable. Makes me even forget I want to make his dad into soup, for a little bit.

This brings us to a close with episode 2. Here's to more insane posts to come.

[spotsupstuff]

What happened to suns?

NSH: This man has done irrepairable damage to my mental facilities. That's a crime, y'know?! Messin' up an Iterator's noggin cogs??? They are a *filthy* criminal.

serious answer: a sequence of unfortunate events, basically. idk how long you've been here so i'll start from the beginning

Suns is a very early Gen 2 Iterator. the jump between the 1st n the 2nd Generation went physically very smoothly, but when it comes to the more subtle aspects of a person, it went worse. early Gen 2s r known for bein bad with emotions (the other Iterator that is like that that shows up is Fish. he's rather emotionally crass and unwieldy)

Suns scored the worst possible lottery result while spinning the early Gen 2 emotion capability wheel and their emotional skill and ability to produce the stuff in the first place is in the single digits. they are very conscious of this fault of theirs and instead of doing something more productive with it more often, they rather spend their single digit emotion capability on bemoaning and despising this fault

they do come to Nish for help with it, basically have therapy sessions with him (Nish is the most emotion-capable Iterator in like... Ever) and they do put up a front of this cool, chill, amazing guy persona around themselves to get better accepted by the other Iterators (all of them except Gen 3s know that this cool guy thing is a ruse though. they appreciate the effort however). so they kinda awkwardly fake emotions n go on through their life. this persona is who Pebbles ultimately decided to look up to as his mentor btw. it was never really the real Suns, only maybe some glimpses of it

next unfortunate event shows up first mentioned in my old big headcanon post for the canon Iterators:

(Suns is built quite close to the south pole, though the summer months can still get stupid hot)

at some point i started headcanoning that my Suns has very slow processing time. like absolute Shit reflex time. like

this is canon ☝

n then i put these two headcanons Together ✨ so basically: because of the lack of emotional capability, Suns feels a big need to compensate for stuff. even though the Solis colony is one of the sweetest and kindest colonies out there, they felt like they need to give More. so they started running hotter for the sake of their citizens. but yanno, periodic basically overheating is going to cause damage to hardware shit, not to mention the poor fauna that makes up an Iterator Hivemind. and that's how Suns damaged their processing speed

now as to why i say Suns would go offline in the post-mass ascension off string au: they are falling apart at the seams. torturously slow, but terribly. they are rotting alive- but not in the same way as Pebbles, it's not THE Rot. it's just... a rot. natural decay, not godly cancer. their nickname in DMs between me n shkiki is literally mr. Decay cuz of this

because of a combo of their slow processing time, their location (snowstorms + changing temperatures that go into extremes on pretty much both sides of the spectrum) and their pre-occupation with Pebbles related matters, Suns got yo normal booboo and didn't treat it and when they finally directed attention to themselves, a good portion of them has already decayed including the puppet

yes, they are That wigged that they didn't notice one of their most important parts rotting alive while even using it. this whole thing i refer to as hot girl summer arc btw

after Spears' campaign (they notice they have an infection during the slug's journey back to them) Suns is so fucked up over everything that they just go "Fuck it. why try anymore. i won't fight this. at least i feel *something* rather than nothing, i suppose. i deserve this." and allow their condition to only worsen and don't tell people about it

in the time of the Hunter's campaign i can imagine that they'd be so caked in all of this shit, all physically, emotionally and mentally, that they just wouldn't try at all to save themselves

and fact is, the others will try to help them. especially Wind will. but at some point a person needs to recognize that nothing is going to go anywhere if the other party refuses to put in any effort into getting better too and only drags the innocent one down right along with themselves

[currently-evil]

JHDGDJDDH i SUDDENLY REMEMBER I WANTED TO ANSWER TO YOUR TAGS, SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LOOONG

All the kisses in the world for you!

He is better now! And it helps that Chen and Ricardo know him, and know exactly when he turns to his unhealthy coping mechanisms! They know how to love him and how to make him realize they love him.

Oh honestly, that must have been the worst moment of his life. He first had a mental breakdown and being dragged back to that hell and then over time another breakdown when he realized nobody is coming for him. Haha yeah, There is nothing like Farm! Am I right?

Oh yeah! I gave the boy too many issues. He needs help. It helps and I think he is really salty about it. He went to therapy kinda to spite Ortega. He was like "I will go to the therapy and I will show him how much stupid this is." but instead it... helped him?? The fuck?? Absolutely disgusting turn of events.

To be absolutely truthful with you, when I first created Rowan, the plan was to have two separate playthroughs for him, one where he gets help and gets better, where I could explore good choices and good endings.

And second where his fear of getting abandoned gets the better of him. Where he rejects everybody, refuses help and spirals into self destruction with just his goal of Farm annihilation as his sole reason for being.

And let me told you second AU got dark soon. It included: Rowan brainwashing Herald to get constantly informations about Rangers to the point he wasnt sure if Danny would be able to normally function without Rowan's control, actually brainwashing anybody he could, seducing Mortum as puppet to control him, joining Hollow Ground to create discord in his organisation and then take it over, have detailed plan how to neutralise and kill every Ranger, grow so cold and emotionless he wouldnt stop at anything to get what he needed, murder or torture included, spiral so bad with his mental health, he would for sure come back to self harm, his whole motivation would be "anything Farm related must be destroyed" that included scientists working there, all other personal, building, documents and even ReGenes including himself, So yeah after he acomplished everything he wanted he would put a bullet in his head and be done with it.

And gotta be honest as I was planning this AU two things hit me, First, holy fuck i need to calm down a little bit. And second, I dont actually want this AU. So i have just outline written somewhere and then I decided not to touch it anymore.

YEAH SO MY CANON IS HAPPY AND IN MY CANON WE HEAL AND GROW BETTER BABY

He kinda still believes it but he and his Therapist are working on it. Of course events of the game arent helping. It kinda goes like that:

Rowan: Things are too good lately. Its suspicious. It never stays like that for long. Something is coming. I dont know what, I dont know when but is coming. I am happy, too happy. I do not get to be this happy.

Mrs Therapist: Rowan we talked about you are allowed to be happy. Even too happy. I believe you are what we call Self - Fulfilling Prophercy. You believe something must happend, so you act as it will happend. You believe you're close ones will push you away so you push them away first. I need you to realise just because things are good doesnt mean there exist some great disaster around the corner just waiting for you.

Rowan:... well ok... I'll try.

Rowan later that day laying in the hospital bed with both of his legs broken staring furiously into celling:

I feel like at this point he isnt even having an emotional breakdown just kinda being: "Yeah OF COURSE this fucking happend, Jesus fucking Christ!"

He does not know! :) Farm is hard topic for Rowan, he kinda wants to forget everything, but he cant lol! He have hard time sharing anything that happend there. As mush as cruel it sound he might have easier time to say anything to Chen, because he have this reassurance that he can still just erase it from Wei's mind if it turns out to be too much.

Yeah he will tell his two boyfriend one day... but not anytime soon.

Okay okay okay

19. what scarred them the most about the heartbreak incident?👀👀👀

18. What is their greatest fear 👀

Ohho! honestly good questions! And even better I think they are connected when it comes to Rowan.

I might ramble a bit, but I will try to put everything the best way I can.

 18. I think Rowan’s greatest fear is that good things that are happening to him are either not real or that he will be unable to keep them. 

Of course It all starts with Farm and being Re Gene. His true identity is a constant buzzing noise in his head. He has friends, people who care about him, but he can't stop thinking if they knew, if they knew truly everything about him, they would turn away from him. They think they like him, he sees in their mind that they like him, but is it real? Would they still think the same if they found out he is a mere imitation of human beings? No. And it would hurt. Like hell. So the best option is to push them away. But he wants to be loved so much. He would push people away at the same time begging them not to leave him alone. I think He did it a lot with Ortega back in Sidestep days. 

Poor Ricardo must have been confused all the time, until he figured Rowan out. Imagine Rowan just lashing out like “Cant you just leave me the fuck alone?? why cant you take a hint!!” and Ortega nodding like “ Yeah I will leave you alone, whatever you want, but do you want to go watch movies in my apartment?” and Rowan just staring at him flabbergasted like “......................yes ok”

When he finally believes something is real, is good and is for him, he can't stop his fear that it would not be his for long. That he would not be strong or alerted enough to defend himself or his happiness. That’s also a big reason why he has a really hard time, relaxing enough to have an actual full night of sleep. 

The answer to 19 I think it would be connected to that. What scared him the most in Heartbreak was probably the fact how helpless he was and that his biggest fears were not unrealistic, the worst thing that could happen to him, did happen as he feared it would and he couldn't do anything to prevent it. 

He was getting a cocksure of himself. He was running with rangers, he could fight. He thought himself so strong. But still He lost everything so easily. He had freedom, friends, he was happy and he had his own apartment and he was free from the Farm and it all changed in mere seconds. I think rowan was waiting all this time for foot to fall down, for something to happen. He was too happy, he was getting too comfortable. He couldn't stop himself from thinking, this can't be right, i can't just get so much good for so long. Something will happen, something must happen. But still when it did happen and he suddenly woke up back in Farm I think It shocked him deeply.

I think the years between Heartbreak and Rebirth were full of him trying to have good things and running away out of fear that these good things will be taken away from him. Honestly If Ortega wouldn't manage to make his dumb ass go to the therapy, things would turn really ugly.

But he is better now, I swear!

[inamindfarfaraway]

Some OC and Canon Character Relationships for my Peter Pan/Ever After High AU

Peter is an irrepressible extrovert. Why do you think he periodically left his island to make new friends and bring them over before the legacy system? He will be friends with anyone who doesn’t rub him the wrong way first, and even them if they say sorry and he thinks they mean it. (Prejudices like sexism and the bias against villains’ children are just more silly grownup nonsense to him. You should only dislike people for perfectly logical reasons, like if they hurt puppies for fun or won’t give totally deserving immortal boys chocolate they totally deserve. But he’s never properly got the ‘sins of the parent’ thing. Yeah, he fought every Hook from the cycle’s start, but that’s ‘cause every Hook was themselves bad and wanted to fight him first! Right? …Isn’t that how it went?) His arc of maturing is very, very New and Hard and Scary, and he develops a deep fear of losing his nerve on it after coming so far, aware that he’s had a consistent habit of forgetting any emotional growth he made in the past. His personal affections are fickle and impulsive day to day, especially in the beginning. His strongest bonds are undoubtedly with Scarlet and Fire Lily. Peter’s beloved or at least admired and appreciated by the masses for his innumerable daring feats, generally nice disposition and of course keeping the cycle of destiny in Neverland turning all this time. However, it can be difficult for him to discern between his friends and mere fans. At first, he doesn’t care. What matters is that people think he’s cool. The more attuned to how bad the status quo is and how important others’ needs and feelings are he becomes, the more he favours Rebels like Raven, Maddie, Kitty, Darling, Cerise, Ramona, Ginger (if you give him good food, he is your friend for life) and Melody. He still loves plenty of Royals as people and slowly learns how to see the world in less black-and-white terms to maintain his friendships with them. Some will find him annoying or bratty, but it’s difficult to truly hate him because, well, if you have an ounce of self-awareness as the Hooks are famously lacking, it seems absurd to hate a child who probably neither knows why you do nor is bothered that you do. Hating people is Not Fun, so he’s reluctant to commit to it, so it’ll tend to be an unsatisfyingly one-sided animosity on your part.

Blondie is eager to interview the illustrious Peter Pan. Always glad to talk about himself, he doesn’t see much problem with her nosiness, pickiness and lack of respect for privacy and appreciates her ability to put an entertaining spin on anything. He sometimes assists her in collecting gossip.

Duchess is one of the few to actually hate Peter. She cannot stand that she’s doomed to a tragic end of loneliness and heartbreak, while his life is an endless procession of fun, freedom and friendship. Plus, he’s a loud, tactless nuisance. He mistakes this for a tongue-in-cheek rivalry and accordingly enjoys teasing her for a long while. Eventually he does figure out Duchess is in real pain, regretfully dropping it, but his usual tactics to make people feel better don’t work with her. Left no other options, he confesses that he was kinda attracted to the first Wendy Darling and it hurt him deeply to say goodbye to her forever, so he can’t imagine how awful her destiny would feel. This makes her realize that his life hasn't been entirely pleasant, and furthermore that she doesn't really enjoy watching a child feel bad. They reach an understanding and peace.

Sparrow, Scarlet and Peter get along great. Scarlet would be dishonourable if she didn’t support a fellow thief. She actually likes Sparrow’s music, and teaches him to play sea shanties. Peter is happy to be a diversion or nimble accomplice pickpocket in Sparrow’s thefts. He might want to keep one or two shiny things in exchange, but often the look of revelation on the victim’s face is payment enough. This friendship mildly strains Sparrow and Duchess’s relationship before she and Peter reach their common ground.

Scarlet and Faybelle are instant BFFAs. They both noticed they were the most genuinely enthusiastic and cheerful students in the first General Villainy lesson and struck up a conversation. Now when Scarlet needs a truly understanding ear (well, it’s more that Faybelle lets her vent and then changes the subject to something else, usually herself, but talking to her still always makes her feel better) or just wants some no-questions-asked, no-strings-attached mischief, she knows the Faybelle has her back. Faybelle cheers her on during her sports matches. They help each other in their several shared subjects.

Scarlet: I mean, I’m honoured to inherit my father’s role and all, but I don’t want to be just another Captain Hook, you know? I want to be that Captain Hook.

Faybelle: Right? And the Evil Queen stole my mother’s part, so I’m stuck in the shadow of two villains! I can enjoy being evil and still want to be special.

Scarlet: That’s exactly it! You are so much better than the fairies in Neverland.

Faybelle: Of course I am. I’m better than everyone.

Scarlet: Except at piracy!

[They laugh and high five.]

Faybelle isn’t impressed by Peter at first, but after he tells the story of the original Tinkerbell trying to kill Wendy as a funny anecdote in an interview with a very underprepared Blondie, she realizes his moral code is also pretty flexible. So she allows him to tag along with her and his sister a few times, and warms up to him. As long as she stays nice to him and Scarlet he’s cool with all her villainous… quirks and he has many lifetimes’ experience in troublemaking. He has no idea why more people don’t like her. She seems similar to him and almost everyone at school likes him. Having real friends who trust and accept her helps Faybelle a lot, not that she’ll admit it. The chaotic trio confide in each other their respective gradual turns toward morals and the worries and insecurities they give them, like Faybelle’s dissipating hostility to her classmates and crush on Briar, Scarlet’s interest in and protectiveness of her identity besides villainy and piracy and Peter finally catching up on the remorse and empathy he’s been delaying.

Scarlet also befriends Darling (her favourite fencing partner) and Ramona (she’s just building a crew of delinquents, let’s be honest).

Meghan is friends with Ashlynn, who shares her kindness, romantic side and love of nature; Blondie, who shares her curiosity and secretly wanting more out of her destiny; and Briar, who shares a pack of younger siblings and knows a lot of ways to have the carefree fun Meghan secretly craves. Since she can plan all those parties so flawlessly and keep up with her work while having narcolepsy, Briar must have hextremely efficient organization and time management skills. She’s a mentor of sorts to Meghan.

Fire Lily has never needed a lot of friends, he’s most comfortable with just a few people who understand him and he can come to when he needs to. So he only has a couple friends other than Peter - a childhood friend he’d lost touch with and now becomes a responsible big brother to - Scarlet - a childhood rival annoyingly good at antagonizing him and getting his flawless facade to crack, who he comes to see as a sister through association with Peter - and Meghan - who he has seamless platonic chemistry with on his first day. He bonds with Cedar over their love of art. Her honesty is refreshing and forces him to face and resolve his mistakes and problems; it isn’t always fun, but he knows there’s more to life than fun unlike certain people, and doesn’t back down from the challenge. Ashlynn and Hunter are his allies in environmental activism. Neverland has much better harmony with nature than Ever After, so seeing the mainland’s level of harmful industrialization is quite a culture clash.

[heartshapedbubble]

YOU GUYS WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST FINISHED⁉️⁉️

(jokes aside this chapter is heavy and when i say heavy i mean HEAVY it's the heaviest chapter ive wrote for now please read the tws and take care mwah)

childhood friends, a d.m. fanfic🐍// chapter 3

TW // descriptions and mentions of abuse, death, blood n gore (can get graphic so be careful), gender of reader not specified, sulphur hater community gonna go wild after this one, im inconsistent as fuck with the writing and the lore god save us, no proofreading we die like men, literally angst/trauma then fluff then i proceed to wreck incredible trauma upon desire, put your seatbelts on for the last part because oooh boy, teen desire angst mhm, desire needs therapy, me when i ignore the canon (sigma)

-------------------------------------------------------

A crumpled diary entry, the sides messily torn off and a lot of words aggressively scribbled over. The handwriting starts off neat and in a posh cursive, yet as the writing progresses, it turns to a manic, almost deranged shaky hand, a mix of unfinished sentences and unknown keywords, the paper wobbly and the ink blotchy due to the fact that it was sodden with the author's tears. The date is unreadable.

~

Today, it's my 17th birthday.

Today, it's also 6-years-and-something of my confinement inside the house. I stopped keeping serious track of time a while ago - I realized that thinking of it made me feel even worse than usual.

I still clearly remember the day when it all started. When i started descending into madness as all of my thoughts began to be blocked off one by one by hardcover books and the well-maintained white walls - I still harboured the fading pink scar on my palm. Yet, the worst scars were the ones on my psyche. They were like scabs - instead of forgetting what happened and letting myself heal, I did the exact opposite. I kept tearing apart the healed wound, reliving what I knew I should forget and what I can't fix. It fueled me, such bland and dull anger. I would scream, shout, dig my nails an inch deep into my skin upon the resurfacing memory, shunning my younger and my current self, while being fully aware I could never escape the situation nor now nor then. It's the worst kind of anger, the one that both riles you up and leaves your chest aching at the same time. It's not even the anger - it's the feeling of inevitable helplessness that you try so hard to hide. Beneath my thin veil of teenage angst and aggressive outbursts, I knew what i truly was. I saw the real me every night, hearing myself break down the second I locked myself in my room.

Even if he took my freedom, even if we had dinner together, even if I spent 10 hours a day studying thick textbooks that he spent thousands on, I could never see him as "dad". He never was one to begin with, so his countless attempts to make me consider him one were fruitless. I quickly forgot the burning feeling on my hand when he first hit me since he quickly resorted to physical violence as time went by. Cursed him under my breath as he passed by? You could bet his hand was tangled in my hair and my head was about to become one with the cupboard. Yelled back at him as we went for a walk together? His hand clenched my wrist with all its might and I felt like my bones could burst through my fingertips with each second he held it.

I looked out the window as I recalled. It was a sunny day, the beautiful flowers reaching over the fence from the neighbor's - their - garden. I opened the windows to soak up the sweet scent of lavender and lilac that the wind rolled over and waved around from side to side, north to south, east to west. As I savored the fresh fragrance, I caught a glimpse of my face in the surface of the glass. Two bright blue beads staring back at me and my uncombed hair framing my face. Nothing much has changed in my appearance, except my once chubby face thinning and sharpening with time and my shoulders growing wider. I was never lucky with my teeth, though - one of my canines grew over the incisors and made it look like a clumpy fang of sorts, as if I took a sucker punch to the jaw. It was a big insecurity of mine present even when I was a child and would spend hours in front of the mirror sometimes, making grimaces and running my tongue again and again over the bulging mass of teeth. I've kind of started ignoring it while growing up, but I can't say it's something I like about myself either.

After getting dressed, I headed towards my father's office. The hallway of our villa was long and quite plain for such a big, fancy house. Most gilded decorative motifs on the cupboards faded and a lot of paintings were removed, leaving behind rectangular grayish stains and nail holes. My footsteps were now muffled by the thick dark blue carpet spreading itself from the entrance to the small altar at the end of the hallway. "Altar" is how my father calls it, yet to me it was just a worn-out vanity with empty photo frames scattered on the desk, its drawers locked and the mirror dirty. I swore I saw him inspecting something in front of it, but maybe I was just imagining things.

At 11 a.m. I was already knocking at his door and inhaling the smell of printer paper, disgustingly expensive coffee and polished wood. Although the sun was shining and the window was open, he remained sat at the edge of his table, the shadows looming not over him, but with him. Knowing what follows next, I went and sat myself across the table. As I pulled my chair closer to the edge, I heard him whisper:

"No no no, come sit over here. We're going to do it a bit...differently today."

Not moving a bit, he just nodded towards a leather chair to his right. Taking my time, I scooted over to him and forced myself to look into his eyes.

"Did you eat today?"

"Not yet. I kind of slept over."

"That's no good." He stared into the textured glass of the cabinet door. As I grew up he started to get worse at talking to me. Eventually, my daily visits to his office became unavoidable small talks.

"Your exams?"

"What's with them?"

"You passed all of them?"

"Yeah."

"Wonderful to hear. Great." It was, as always, insincere. Whenever he complimented me there wasn't a change of tone or mood, he said it just as flatly as he said everything else. In fact, he kind of treated it like a chore.

"What's next?"

"Hm?"

"I mean, what's next after high school? I already passed everything in advance. Am I going to receive college education at home?"

It seems like that triggered a spark in him - he leaned forward, our faces now at equal height.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about that today. I already thought about that and, well, the answer is quite clear. You'll be inheriting my business."

And that's when it hit me - at that moment, I realized that in my 17 years of age I never thought about what my father does for a living. He had a lot of fancily-dressed people over often and he was rich, so it was clear to me that his job paid well. What he worked on, I never researched. When I was younger, I used to lay down on the staircase and watch over him from behind the balusters. I saw his men bring in various oil paintings, collections of coins and stamps, marble busts of emperors and philosophpers, ceramic medallions and other artistic pieces that I thought of as simply luxurious and over-the-top decoration. What I do remember clearly, though, is that whenever the two of us would go outside together he had to run some errands in the museums or galleries. From my cut-up memory I deduced that my father was some sort of curator.

"What business? You never really... talked about your job. Besides, you're not that old! I don't understand why you would retire at fifty-something. And even with my advanced education, I don't think I have the qualifications."

"Showing you the ropes is the easiest part."

"I barely just finished high school. You really do have high expectations for me, huh?"

"Why wouldn't I? You're my son, after all. Everything is already planned out."

"But your career is already quite great. Why drop it now during the golden years?" I realized mid sentence that I was treading on scarily thin ice. One badly formed statement and my shirt collar is going to be in his hands. Sulphur had his tolerance and his boundaries, and once they were stepped over a few too many times, things could get ugly. Very, very ugly. I was no exception to this.

He clicked his tongue. "Everything has its own reason. It's not important for you to know why, and all you need to do is sit up straight and get your hands on this opportunity. You know well how many grubby little hands would fight tooth and nail just for a shabby position in my field. You should be more grateful and tone down your curiosity a bit."

"If it's not important, then I assume it's not harmful either. Is there any problem with me knowing why?"

"Stop being so nosy." He murmured.

He suddenly got up and shut the half-open window.

"Do not question my actions. I am your elder, and elders ought to be respected. Soon, you'll be sitting in my office chair, signing papers and sorting them instead of me. Phone calls and documents. It's everything you can get hang of in a minute. Now, shut your mouth and go to your room. You're free until tommorrow. 11 a.m. as usual."

I didn't go to my room. I didn't even flinch when he spit his venomous insults at me. Instead, I sat perfectly still, my eyes still locked with his.

"You sound very disturbed. What is it that is so unimportant that you don't want to tell me?"

This was the sentence that made Sulphur Mélodis snap.

~

"Listen to me Desire, listen to me!" He growled as his enormous hands reached for my neck. I writhed and fought back and even bit, but as long as his hands were choking me, he had absolute control.

"Let me go, you fucking jackass!" I spat into his face, fueling his anger even more. It worked counterproductively - he pulled me closer and closer.

"Listen. I don't have much time left. It's not important. You just have to-"

"JUST TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

His voice became quieter. I could hear him breathe heavily between each word.

"It's them. They're onto me. Turned their backs on me. Backstabbed me. Once they find me, I'm dead meat."

"Who?"

"Them. The superiors. They decided I'm not good enough for them anymore. They can't benefit from me anymore. They think I'm a traitor. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, Desire. They know where I live. Who I am. What I do. They know about you. They won't spare you if you get in their way."

"Wha... what will they do?"

"The worst thing you can imagine. Listen. I'm their primary target. As long as they get me down, they're going to be satisfied. If they break into the villa, hide somewhere. Stay quiet and once they leave, get out and lock yourself into the house. Take over my business with a nickname or something. A codename. Whatever. You have the butlers to assist you. They're already informed."

My stomach knotted. I felt sick.

"When? What? Why? I- how?"

"It could happen in a week. In a month. Eliminate me outside the house. Poison me. Stab me. Electrocute me."

He gulped, and for the first time in my life I saw something in his eyes. It wasn't guilt or sadness, it was fear. Pure, unfiltered fear seeping out of this giant of a man. If he wasn't who he was, I'd pity him.

"Listen. There is a boy. Out there. Waiting for you. He might arrive in a week or so. Take care of him. Take care of yourself. Teach him well. I trained you your entire life for this moment. You are the perfect heir. My perfect ... mirror image."

"What boy? Please! Tell me more! I need to know!" I couldn't let all the things I needed to know die with this man, the man who made my house a birdcage.

"PLEASE! Tell me about him! Tell me about my mother! Who are they?"

There were so many questions and too little time for answers. Looking at him in that pathetic, vulnerable state, I could feel sorry for that man. I really could. But such strong emotions were torn away from me with his own hands, being in the way of his idea of the "perfect heir". It was a fleeting rush of love before I looked at him again and remembered who he really was.

"Your b-"

That were his last words whispered to me, before his brains splattered across my shirt, his blood flowed down my legs, his entire weight rested upon me. His lifeless corpse, a bullet carefully aimed and shot through the window, a fatal hit to the head. I never returned back to his cabinet after that day. Locked and in eternal darkness, the body of Sulphur Mélodis rot and bled for years, the blood melting into the wooden planks and the bullet resting in his skull forever - like a pearl inside an oyster.

~

The boy was staring at an invisible dot on the wall. He was thinking. He slowly bit his thumb, and then, hesitatingly, looked up at me.

"Is dad here?"

It was hard to look at him. The same silvery lock of hair, the same greyish-black eyes. He reminded me so much of him, but he was softer, still somehow radiating childhood innocence out of the features I grew to hate.

"No. Dad is gone."

He bit his thumb again. A habit since infancy, I supposed.

"And mom?"

"I... there isn't a mom. I never met my mom. She left when I was young."

"I hope she was a good mom. I had a good mom when I was at the orphanage. She used to scold me for reading books at night under faint light, though. She said it's because I was hurting my eyes and that I would go blind."

"Oh. That sounds... nice."

"Was dad good? I don't remember much about him."

I didn't want to trouble him with my own burden at such a young age, so I just waved my hand. "It's not important. He's not here with us anymore, anyway."

"What's your name? I forgot to ask you. Sorry."

"Desire. Yours?"

"Saphir. Apparently my dad gave me my name. I guess he likes giving odd names."

"...I guess."

I didn't know how to talk to him. He was well spoken, for sure, but prone to zoning out and thinking all by himself. He reminded me of myself when I was his age - it made everything hurt even more.

"What are we going to do now?"

"Well, I don't know. I can make you a room up there. I'm not that good at cooking either, but I have recipe books up there. And a butler."

"It's okay. You'll do a great job." His hand reached out for mine. I couldn't help it but feel incredible love for the little guy at that moment. Such a small gesture, but it placed him close to my heart. I've never met my half-brother before, but even with such polarizing emotions at first it felt like I knew him for a long time.

The butlers and maids greeted the two of us as we sat by the dining table. Instead of sitting on opposing sides like I did with my father, we sat right by each other.

I got reminded of them. My friend. At least used to be, for a month or so. It has been years since we met. I tried to push them out of my mind to make place for everything else that my father considered more important, but they never really left. It was an unstable relationship - to appeal to my father I villainized them, yet when it was too much to take I idealized their childish, innocent kind of love they selflessly embraced me with. And even considering the fact that they were living in the house right next to mine, I never built up the courage to knock on their door again.

"So at that orphanage... what did you exactly do?"

"Ooh. Lots of stuff. Played around, did some basic schooling. I also practiced some martial arts. A lot of it, actually."

"Ah. Interesting. I did lots of studying here when I was your age. I even did fencing."

"That's so cool! This villa house thing is huge, it looks quite pleasant."

"Cool". They flashed in front of my eyes immediately. I looked at my little brother, lost in thought and silently staring at the cook dicing the vegetables. A melty embodiment of all the good and bad people I knew, I grew to love him unconditionally and try my best to give him the childhood I lost.

~

The following paper is messier and wobblier than the other two. After inspecting it better, it becomes obvious that this one was torn away and was part of the first paper. Yet, it was crumpled in a ball and thrown in the corner of the room - just behind the writing desk. Did the author simply not like the way they wrote it, or was it too much for them to process?

~

He laid motionless in front of me. His bloodshot eyes were unfocused and his jaw was relaxed. He was all mine, and I could do whatever I wanted with him. Step on his skull again and again. Bash his head with his own cane and ruin his face with its silver tip. Slice his chest open. His organs were still in tact - I could donate them. Do a good deed.

As I headed for the cane, everything flashed right in front of me. Everything I forgot, was forgetting and will forget. What I should have and shouldn't have forgotten.

The bruised palm. The bruised knee. The bruised arm - the bruised everything.

I remembered how he found out my ankles were weak and wobbly. Whenever I did poorly during our study session he'd quickly sweep my feet with the cane and watch me helplessly fall down the flight of stairs. It brought him so much laughter that he started to do it even when I did well. When I cried and held onto his coat to get up again, he'd push me again until I got up on my own.

I remembered him holding the blade by my leg as I practiced my handwriting. The second my lettering got wobbly he'd push it into my skin, and if I cried he'd push it even deeper.

I remembered that the second my hair grew long enough, he used it to yank me towards him when I tried to run away from him. He pulled me so hard that I felt like my scalp was bleeding.

I remembered when he sliced my cheek with a razor in rage, all because I wanted to ask him a simple question. It took months for the scar to fully fade.

I remembered him grabbing a pair of scissors during one of our worst arguments, trying to snip at my skin.

I remembered him violently banging on my door for hours when I ran away from him and locked myself inside my room.

I remembered reading medicine books self initiatively because plasters weren't effective anymore.

I remembered wrapping the cuts with paper tissues and tape when I ran out of gauze.

I remembered too much.

I threw my abuser's cane at the wall, ran to my room and cried, cried like never before. Even when I made sure he wasn't breathing anymore, I couldn't muster up the courage to get into a one-sided fight against his cold, dead body. Freed from my shackles, I remained a coward.

~

[losecaslose]

so. losecaslose. the ultimate scenario for me would be in like. season nine. start with dean and cas sleeping together exactly once, early in the season. at a point where cas is at his lowest and this would be the worst possible thing for his mental health, maybe 9x06 fanfiction gap. they never talk about it but it really messes with cas' head.

then later in the season, when sam is angry at dean and maybe even thinking of leaving, dean sort of. implies at cas that if he wants to help keep the peace, keep the family together, he should sleep with sam. dean doesn’t say this outright, because he himself can’t look at what he’s implying: it would be acknowledging too much, it’s too gross. it’s too obviously an attempt to control sam, it’s too obviously treating cas like a tool, and in the end it’s also too gay. not to mention the layers of discomfort he feels at sharing a lover with his brother, the jealousy, the grossness, the impropriety, made even worse by the fact that he cannot even acknowledge this particular lover. like, dean is Not Thinking About Stuff so hard right now.

but cas, cas picks up dean’s meaning, and he is happy to oblige. he feels used, but what else is new. more importantly, he is burrowing himself deeper into the fabric of the winchester family, making himself not only useful but also un-excisable. and he’s keeping the family together. cas is intensely community and family oriented, what he wants most is harmony and connection. this gives him both.

now, when cas comes to sam with this, sam sees through it pretty quickly. sam knows dean is pulling cas’ strings, he’s already heard cas defending dean and trying to get the brothers back together for dean’s sake. and hell, he knows cas is in love with dean. but the thing is… sam’s life is pretty bad right now. and cas, as much as he is an emblem of dean’s control, is also a source of calm and affection in sam’s life. sam isn’t strong enough right now to turn down a bit of cuddling and handholding, he needs the support too badly. so he and cas fall into a relationship of sorts.

they continue this way, sam and cas sleeping together while cas also receives a lot of approval from dean for doing this and dean drinks himself to sleep unable to contemplate the horrific web he helped to weave, until dean dies in 9x23. this messes with their relationship a bit, as it totally destroys cas emotionally, and sam is unable to really support him, since he has his own far more complicated emotions around dean’s death to deal with. it also doesn’t really help that cas is weakening, and will soon die, but refuses any offer of sam’s help, since that would require the death of another angel. but they continue sleeping together, sometimes.

then, 10x03 happens. just like in canon, cas plays go between: instead of the brothers actually reconciling with each other, cas does their reconciling for them, going to each of them and emotionally processing the events of the episode. but when cas goes to dean, dean is vulnerable. desperate for affection. he’s also kind of ruined his own closet for himself by having lots of gay sex as a demon. and, most crucially, he’s realized that cas is the only thing keeping this family together. so, in a moment of weakness, he convinces cas to have sex with him (it’s not very hard). this isn’t exactly cheating, as cas’ obsession with dean is an unspoken presence throughout sam and cas’ relationship. instead, it binds them all in a tighter knot. cas starts sleeping with both of them on a regular basis. sam and dean can barely look at each other, while cas is on cloud nine, basking in being the emotional heart of the family, even if the winchesters treat him more like a large pet than a person, since this arrangement is only comfortable for the brothers if they both dehumanize cas a little bit, and even if he has to do all the emotional processing for the whole family. the brothers, meanwhile, are happier for all the unconditional love, free therapy, emotional support, and physical affection they’re getting from cas, but both are tortured by the nature of the arrangement: sam, because he knows that in the end it’s an extension of dean’s control over him and participating is aquiescing, and dean because the non-normativity of the arrangement gives him hives, and furthermore, because no matter how much this whole thing started as an attempt to control sam, the fact that sam and cas are in a sexual relationship means that there’s a part of each of them that he cannot control.

alright now we're cooking!!

season nine is such a good place to put it too because it's such a big turning point in all the brother conflict. also the underlying issue with first born as a sastiel episode is that cas is so aggressively team "you should forgive dean for all ills." like we sastiel girlies love it for the ~nothing is worth losing you~ moment and rightly so. but also cas spends part of the ep trying to convince sam that what dean did was fine, actually. so not fixing that and having them sleeping together?? specifically because cas feels like dean told him too? mwah. perfect.

this has to impact the whole "situations reversed, i wouldn't" conversation, at least in the vibe it has. because now sam is both willing to let dean die (or rather, stay dead) and also has this ongoing relationship with cas that dean doesn't really have. like it puts dean in this position of not really having anything. sam has the upper hand in their relationship in the sense that he (in dean's mind) cares less and he has cas in some way that dean doesn't have.

also thinking about what this implies for sam's sexuality? dean is closeted pre-demon dean, but if dean is implying to cas that cas should sleep with sam, presumably dean knows sam is interested in men (or at least cas). so. that's just a tangent. i am mulling over.

and then you have the rest of season ten and beyond with this dynamic. i haven't seen a large chunk of s10 but i feel like the prisoner would ofc be a bit more {bass boosted} in this scenario.

also assuming they manage to maintain some version this dynamic into s11 i think the lucifer stuff would get insane. but also it's like a whole basket of fun ways to psychologically torture the winchesters just handed to him on a silver platter. i think he'd break up with one of them just for the drama.

[butwhyduh]

Jumping

Tim drake x reader

This is during the time that Dick has to fake his own death. I’m also ignoring most of canon tbh. Mentions suicide ideals.

You worried about Tim. I mean, you always had since you met him in a coffee shop and they gave him your order instead of his and all he did was ask for a shot of espresso to go with it. But tonight you were terribly concerned because Tim was so sad that he was dull. His shiny black hair hang limp and his bright blue eyes looked dull and blood shot.

You couldn’t exactly blame him. It was only 2 week before that his brother Dick had died. He hadn’t touched his computer all day but instead sat staring at various places around his apartment. You forced him to eat a very late meal and he took all of 3 bite from his food.

You washed up and went back in the living room for him to be gone.

“Tim? Tim?” You asked. You noticed the window to the fire escape was open. You walked over and shivered at the cold breeze.

He was standing on the edge of the roof and you froze. Your first thought was ‘is he going to jump?’ Your heart pounded as you gently called him and it scared you even more when he didn’t respond.

“Tim? Timothy? Tim, what are you doing?” You said with fear creeping in your voice. There was no way that you could climb the stairs up a level to stop him if he jumped right now. He looked down at you disoriented.

“What?”

“Please step back. You’re- you’re scaring me. Tim, please,” you said and he took a step back but looked bewildered. You quickly climbed the stairs.

“What’s wrong?” He asked in a daze. You pulled him into a hug and farther from the edge. Your body was shaking and he confusingly pat your back reassuringly.

“Don’t scare me like that,” you chided him before mentally kicking yourself. If he was that bad, he needed support not anger. He really didn’t seem to get it.

“What are you talking about? What’s got you so scared?” He finally said clearly.

“I thought- I thought you were going to jump,” you said burying your head in crook of his neck. Your fingers gripped the back of his shirt tightly and you listened to his heartbeat. You might never let go of him.

“Oh shit. I wasn’t- no. I just needed to think,” he said rubbing your hair gently. “Sorry I scared you.”

“It’s okay. I’m just worried. It’s a lot to lose your brother. Maybe you should talk to someone,” you said gently. He looked at you guiltily.

“I’ve been a little too lost in it, hu? Sorry. It’s just that.... I never expected this to happen. He always seemed invincible. He’d jump off the roof with no hooks or nets and swing on light poles before landing on the ground and wouldn’t hurt a thing. He’d take on metas and come out unscathed. That was just Dick, you know?” Tim said after a minute. “Nobody knew how he did it.”

Tim pulled you both to sit on a lawn chair on the roof. Your fingers played with the back of his hair and you couldn’t stop looking at him because you had never been so worried to lose Tim before. He flinched at the sight of how you looked at him. You were genuinely terrified earlier.

“I wouldn’t jump. I wouldn’t do that. Especially not to you,” Tim said and it scared you that you weren’t sure if he meant that he’d never do it or not where you’d possibly see. “Don’t worry. I’m right here.”

You let yourself believe that and you leaned into him, pressing your ear against his chest. His heartbeat calmed you and you listened to it as he rubbed your back. He stared out at the sky and Tim didn’t know how long you were both out there before he noticed that you had fallen asleep. He smiled a little.

Then his next thought was the logistics of getting you down to your bed without waking you. The fire escape wasn’t exactly built for carrying people through. Soft goosebumps were on your arms in the cold and Tim carefully picked you up and miraculously made it back into your apartment. After a few hair raising seconds where he almost smacked your head and feet on a door frame, he managed to get you in bed.

You hands had a death grip on his shirt and Tim was pulled into bed. It wasn’t the worst idea to get some sleep. And he certainly felt that he owed you some peace of mind after he scared you so bad. When was the last time he fell asleep? He laid back and you clung to him tightly.

The next morning you woke up warm. Far too warm. And arm was thrown over your face that you wiggled out from under and another held your back. You stretched your fingers that felt like they had been gripping something all night. The sun was out and Tim was still in bed. You put the pieces from the night before together and looked up at his face.

There was no scowl or wrinkle in his brow. He looked peaceful. His lips had a slight pout in sleep. His face had a light smattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks and his hair had fallen over his eyes. You gently brushed it back to get a better look at his beautiful face. You held the back of his head as light as you could while staring at him. You almost never got this view and you just watched him sleep for a few minutes.

“Isn’t it rude to stare,” he said after a while. You jumped a little and laughed.

“Did I wake you?” You asked.

“No. I think I actually got a full night sleep,” Tim said and he still hadn’t opened his eyes.

“Yeah, we should probably get breakfast,” you said moving to get up. Tim wrapped his arms around you tighter and squished you to his chest. You squeaked.

“Not yet. A few more minutes,” he mumbled almost back asleep. You chuckled and booped his nose. Tim’s eyes flew open. “What was that?”

“Waking you up,” you said and he gave you a fake glare before his arms slowly moved. Then Tim attacked your sides with a tickle. You shrieked and jumped back before he stopped. He smiled at you almost ruefully before gently kissing you chastely. His smile fell when he pulled back.

“I’ve got to go to Bludhaven today. Take care of some of his stuff that he’d want to keep,” Tim said and you frowned.

“Do you need me to go?” You were still worried about him.

“No, Jason is going. Don’t worry about me, okay,” Tim said seriously. “I need to get up because he’ll be here in 30 minutes? Maybe?”

The knock on the door said that his timing was a little off. Tim got up to go answer it. Jason stood there and he frowned as he looked Tim over.

“That’s your clothes from yesterday.”

“I’ve got to change,” Tim said, letting him in. You came out of the room with a sweater over your clothes and smiled at Jason who nodded his head at you. Tim went in the bedroom to change.

“Hey,” you whispered, barely audible. Jason looked at you confused. You hadn’t really interacted much before. “Watch out for him. He’s not okay. Alright?”

Jadon just nodded. “Anything I should know?”

“No. Not really. He scared me last night,” you admitted as you put on a pot of coffee. Jason gave you a look that clearly read ‘do I need to kick his ass?’

“What did he do?”

“He just stood on the roof edge. I thought- I thought he was going to jump,” you whispered and Jason’s face dropped. Tim hadn’t exactly had the most self preservation in his history.

“Shit, seriously?” He said with a sigh. You nodded.

“But he just seemed confused when I found him. I’m worried. Just watch out for him, okay?” You said.

“What are you two talking about?” Tim said walking in the room, throwing on a tie.

“Really? A full suit?” Jason said rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, one of us needs to look like a functional adult in case someone stops by. I can’t exactly wear sweats everywhere as WE’s CEO,” Tim said. You straightened the tie and collar.

“... and then there is you,” Tim said looking at Jason after you were done. “You look like you tattoo out of the back parking lot of a Denny’s.”

“Maybe I do,” he said dryly with a little curl to his lip. “Come on. We don’t want to be late.”

Tim nodded and gave you a kiss and Jason groaned by the door. He gave the ‘come on’ hand gesture. Tim rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know when I’m going to be back. See you later.”

“Bye.”

Half ways down the highway, with Tim as a captive audience, Jason starts to talk.

“How are you doing?”

“Fine.”

“Cut the shit. For real,” Jason said, violently passing a slow car on the highway in his truck. Tim grips the dash and is sure he’s going to die.

“I’m fine. Why do you think I’m lying?” Tim said through gritted teeth. Jason keeps driving roughly.

“Well, your girlfriend thought you were going to kill yourself last night and that isn’t exactly the first thought I’d have if I saw you on the roof. So either she’s being dramatic or you’re acting really off. Which is it, Timbo?” Jason said. Tim never missed Dick more. Jason had the subtly of a butter knife to the gut.

“I might be a little sadder, sure. I mean, my brother died,” Tim said. “Can you drive without trying to kill us?”

“I’m driving fine. Go on,” Jason said, crossing 3 lanes. The squeals of car horns behind them tell Tim he isn’t the only one that doesn’t like his driving.

“I’m gonna die in this car,” Tim muttered. Jason glared at him. “Watch the road! Okay. Fine. I feel numb. Okay? Like I don’t feel happy or sad about anything. And I’m fucking guilty because I should be over the moon because I just moved in with my girlfriend and then...”

“Then your brother died. It’s normal to feel like shit Tim. But to be numb.... you ever think you’re depressed?” Jason asked.

“I don’t know. I have anxiety,” Tim answered.

“You can have both. Is it this exit or the next?” Jason asked two second before the ramp comes up.

“This!” Tim yelped and Jason turned them off to a side road going at least 70 mph. Tim held the dash and considered praying despite being an atheist. Jason finally slowed down enough to not look like he’s driving a getaway car.

“I think you should see a therapist. I can give you mine’s number,” Jason said and Tim quickly turned to look at him.

“I didn’t know you went to therapy.”

“I was tortured, beat to death, and had to dig myself out of my own coffin. Does that seem mentally okay in anyway?”

“I mean, no. But I don’t know,” Tim said with a shrug. He just hadn’t thought about it.

“Anyways that’s not the point. The point is that she’s used to Gotham’s brand of bullshit and will help you. Okay?” Jason said driving into a parking lot and skidding into a space. “If you scare your girl like that again, I’ll knock you out.”

“Yeah. I won’t scare her again. It was an accident. And I’ll talk to your therapist,” Tim agreed. Jason nodded.

“Let’s go do something I’ve been dreading all week. Clean out golden boy’s apartment,” he said with a grimace. And they did. Anything of value was personally taken by the pair. Anything of Nightwing or Robin. Any Flying Grayson stuff. Anything that his brothers had gotten him. A moving service was moving the rest to a storage unit later that day.

Jason sat on the concrete steps outside the apartment and tossed Tim a beer. Tim barely caught it before sitting down himself. Jason pulled out his own.

“Jason, I’ll pay you ten thousand dollars to not drink that before we leave. Can we have this moment at the manor after we survive the drive home?” Tim asked and Jason sighed.

“Sure kid. Dickhead wouldn’t have liked me getting you drunk anyways. Let’s get this stuff back,” Jason said and they both went to the truck.

After dropping off the stuff and talking to Alfred, Tim and Jason were back in the truck. The beers were mercifully forgotten. Jason passed him a paper with a name and number.

“My therapist. You better call them. If not for you, for your girlfriend. You can just talk and shit,” he said not looking off the road. Jason knew better than to think that this kind of thing could be done for someone else. But he also knew it probably only took a tiny push for Tim to get help.

“Yeah, thanks.”

A few hours later Tim sat on his bed with his phone in hand. Yeah, he needed to call them.

[qobiin]

to live for us

pairing: gratsu (gray x natsu)

genre: angst, fluff | established relationship, canon-compliant

warnings: mentioned suicide attempt, post-galuna island arc, hurt/comfort, gray needs therapy

word count: 1684

summary: Natsu and Gray finally sit down and talk about Gray's Iced Shell attempt on Galuna Island.

“We need to talk.”

Natsu looks up from the drink Mirajane set down on the table before him a few minutes ago. Gray is standing in front of him, arms crossed against his chest in an attempt to stop his hands from subconsciously removing his clothes.

It never works, but Gray is of the mind that it makes him appear more intimidating than he actually is. Of course, Natsu isn’t sure he could ever find someone who wears underwear with hearts on them intimidating.

“Finally!” Natsu cheers, forcing a smile onto his face even when it’s the last thing he wishes to do. “Back home then?”

Gray nods even as he scowls, but he turns on his heel and immediately makes his way towards Fairy Tail’s doors anyway. Natsu jumps up from his seat and waves goodbye to Lucy who is sitting at the bar with Erza.

Happy looks up at him as he stands, but Natsu only has to wave wordlessly at him before the blue cat returns to focusing on his food. Gray is already halfway across the room, not one to wait or beat around the bush for important conversations like the one they are going to have. Natsu follows after him with his signature smile stuck in place, making sure to not have anything appear out of the ordinary about this situation.

He catches a few Fairy Tail members giving them odd glances, probably due to his and Gray’s lack of fighting and loud taunting. Natsu only waves pointedly at them before they avert their gazes and return back to what they were doing beforehand.

Natsu does not try to be subtle as he sniffs the air, taking in the familiar mix of scents in the guild. Everyone in the guild has known him long enough to know about the extent of the abilities he gained through the Dragon Slayer Magic that Igneel taught him as a child. There’s no need to be secretive around his hoard anyway.

Out in the streets, trailing after Gray as he leads them home, Natsu tones down on his sniffing as best as he can. If he garners a few strange or confused looks though, he doesn’t beat himself up about it. Most of these people will write off his behavior as a weird wizard thing and continue on with their day as they give him a wide berth. There is no need to worry.

His attention is drawn back to the moment when the scents start to signal his proximity to their home. Gray reaches the front door first and unlocks it, leaving it open for Natsu behind him.

The smell of home almost knocks him off his feet as he crosses the threshold. It’s just his, Happy, and Gray’s scents here, with hints of Erza scattered all around. Albeit, Gray’s scent is a bit stale considering the fact this is his first time returning home since they came back from Galuna Island.

They escaped punishment for breaking guild rules because the master wasn’t there but Natsu would like to not switch bodies with anyone ever again. It has been a few days at this point and still, Gray has not returned home. Natsu has been waiting patiently for this moment when they will sit down and discuss what is wrong.

Gray is sitting on their bed, shoes off and hands gripping the bottom of his shirt. Natsu reaches out and stops him from stripping, eyes on Gray’s face as the man focuses back in on the moment at present.

“Thanks,” Gray mumbles sullenly, his gaze downcast.

Natsu doesn’t say anything. He merely waits.

“I know you’re mad at me, but if you could tell me why you’re mad at me, it would make my apologizing to you much easier,” Gray scrambles to say after a moment of silence has passed between them.

Natsu tilts his head to the side and inhales, tasting the nerves and fright swirling around the edges of Gray’s scent. He exhales heavily, sitting down slowly on the bed beside Gray.

He leans back and lies down, keeping his eyes on the ceiling and not the man who should have been home with him these past few days. “I’m not mad.”

Gray twists at the waist to stare at him, his shoulders a stiff line that Natsu isn’t sure he has permission to soothe just yet. “Lying won’t help.”

“I’m not mad,” Natsu repeats, relaxing as their scents begin to blend together. “I’m worried about you. You scared me back there when you were going to sacrifice yourself to restrain Lyon. You knew by doing it your way you were going to end your life and yet you tried anyway.”

The silence that befalls them then is deafening. It goes on long enough that Natsu wonders if he should be angry after all. After a few seconds of contemplation though, he decides that anger would not help him right now and waits patiently for Gray to say something.

However, the longer the silence continues, the less likely Natsu believes that to be. Gray isn’t known for talking about feelings. Not just his own, but discussing feelings in general always gives his face a pinched quality that Natsu can’t help but laugh at sometimes.

He isn’t laughing now.

“You remember what I said when I asked you if we could find a place together, right?” Natsu asks once he is certain Gray won’t say anything without more prompting.

Natsu sees Gray’s nod in the corner of his eye and grins up at the ceiling as he thinks of the memory. Gray’s eyes had gone wide with surprise, his scent expanding with the force of it and appealing to Natsu so much he barely realized how close he had been getting until Gray pushed him back with a hand on his bare chest. Natsu had leaned in again to bury his nose in Gray’s neck anyway and gulp down lungfuls of his scent, smiling as Gray threaded his fingers through his hair and asked him why.

“I told you that you were the first in the guild to be added to my hoard when we were children. That I would want you near almost always and would despise every moment that we were apart,” Natsu recalls, his smile softer at the edges now. “I told you I fell in love with you when we were teenagers and that I would like to make you my mate in the future and you accepted.”

Natsu waits again, just to see if Gray will say anything at all before he uses his last-ditch effort. “How am I going to make you my mate if you’re not there for the future?”

Gray makes a sound as if Natsu has just kicked all the air out of his chest. They have fought and sparred enough times for Natsu to know what that actually sounds like so when Gray wheezes, he sits up quickly. He reaches out and takes Gray’s hands, biting his lip as the man who is his opposite in almost everything finally begins to cry.

Natsu moves closer until he can wrap his arms around Gray, tucking his head under Natsu’s chin as he shakes. His breath hitches but Natsu only clutches him tighter, holding him securely in his arms even as Gray somehow migrates to his lap. Natsu doesn’t mind that, he just holds on and waits.

Eventually, Gray’s sobs begin to make sense. Most of what he is saying is a mantra of “I’m sorry”s and half-aborted “I didn’t mean to do that”s, but Natsu gets the gist. He shushes and rocks Gray in his arms, focusing on their scents instead of the urge to cry with his mate.

When the worst of Gray’s tears have dried up, Natsu kisses the side of his head and pulls back far enough for their gazes to meet. Gray’s eyes are red-rimmed and puffy but he isn’t avoiding Natsu’s gaze anymore and that’s definitely a start.

“I think what happened with Ur was only dragged back up at Galuna Island and you never really healed from it,” Natsu ponders aloud, tilting his head in silent question and continuing when Gray nods tiredly. “She raised you like Igneel raised me and we’ve never gotten over suddenly losing them. Have we?”

Gray has to clear his throat twice before he says, “I don’t think we’ll ever be over that.”

“No,” Natsu agrees. “We won’t.”

“I should talk to someone,” Gray murmurs, the corners of his mouth twitching with amusement when Natsu raises an unimpressed brow at him. “A professional. Mirajane has been saying I should talk to the Good Doctor who helped Elfman after…”

Natsu smiles bitterly in response. Elfman was not the only one who had to talk to the Good Doctor after Lisanna died after all. Gray knows about this, of course, but Natsu had never strived to convince him of talking to the Good Doctor until now.

“I can let them know at my next session to expect an inquiry from you?” Natsu suggests.

Gray nods, leaning in quickly to press a kiss to Natsu’s cheek. “I’m still sorry. I just didn’t know how to fix things back on Galuna Island.”

Natsu nods but knows without seeing that his smile is not as bright anymore. “I think you just have to remember that you’re not alone anymore. Neither of us is and I’ll always have your back. We’re Fairy Tail members and you’re the one who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want us both to have long futures ahead of us.”

Gray’s cheeks flush a light pink, his scent curling with both embarrassment and quiet joy. “It will be hard, but I’ll try. If not for me or for you, then for Ur. For the life she gave me by giving up her own.”

“For Ur and Igneel,” Natsu agrees. “May they look upon us and see us happy. Together.”

“Together,” Gray assures him before he leans in and their lips meet in a soft kiss.

a/n: i forgot to post this when i first posted it on ao3, but i hope you all like this! this was written for icewhisper as part of the secret snipers exchange 2020!

[blitzturtles]

Title: Can't Fix Everything

Rating: Teen and Up

Fandom: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable (Future Fic)

Pairing(s): JotaHan

Summary: Jotaro frowns when he rings the doorbell and no one answers. It’s not as though he’s unexpected. He and Rohan had discussed this beforehand, but he knows that it’s entirely possible that Rohan got too caught up in his work. That he’s got his eyes glued to the pages with such a hyperfixation that he hadn’t even heard the doorbell going off.

Notes: When I went to write the ‘Flail Chest’ piece, I couldn’t make up my mind if I wanted it to be with Jotaro or Josuke, so here’s the Jotaro version (if it can be called that. Same injury, very different story.) Ngl, kind of frustrated with the end, but I've been sitting on this for a few weeks now.

[Copy and pasted from the Josuke version: Unimportant bit of trivia: the first rib fixation for adolescent flail chest wasn’t actually done until ~2006, but this is fic, so fuck it.

Flail chest: When a section of the chest wall becomes detached due to the ribs being broken in two or more places. The treatment for this can be a wait and see method (with pain management and physical therapy), but there’s also rib fixation, which is a surgical procedure that can help dramatically reduce short and long-term complications.

The rib injury is canon; the extent of it in this fic, not so much.]

-

Jotaro frowns when he rings the doorbell and no one answers. It’s not as though he’s unexpected. He and Rohan had discussed this beforehand, but he knows that it’s entirely possible that Rohan got too caught up in his work. That he’s got his eyes glued to the pages with such a hyperfixation that he hadn’t even heard the doorbell going off. At least, that’s what Jotaro tells himself. How he tries to rationalize the lack of response.

Unfortunately, too many years on this earth-- facing some of the worst creatures to have ever disgraced her surface-- means that Jotaro has a good idea when he’s being pointlessly paranoid and when his ‘gut feeling’ is something to be taken seriously, and he’s feeling the latter right about now.

Star breaks the door’s lock with a particularly nasty twist of the knob. It’s nothing Jotaro can’t fix with a quick trip to the hardware store later, but that doesn’t matter right now.

“Rohan?” He calls into the seemingly empty house. The majority of the lights are off, and there’s no movement. No sound, and it’s far too early for Rohan to consider bed, which means he’s either closed in his studio or gone.

Jotaro makes a beeline for the familiar door that leads to Rohan’s sanctuary. It’s possible Rohan went out on a whim. Impulse control isn’t exactly his strong suit, especially when it might be something related to his manga, but it’s smarter to check the one place Rohan haunts most in life before bothering with anywhere else.

The door is unlocked, which doesn’t necessarily mean anything, though it doesn’t stop Jotaro’s heart from hammering away in his chest. There’s a flash of red across his vision, like a filter of blood, but he shakes it off in favor of taking in the room. He can’t let his past trauma affect him now.

Or maybe he can, because there Rohan is. On the floor, huddled partway beneath his desk. There’s a low whine that accompanies the screwed up features, and it’s all Jotaro needs to know that Rohan is in pain. A significant amount of it.

“Fuck,” Jotaro grinds out. He makes his way to Rohan quickly. Star Platinum itches to freeze time. A natural reaction to walking into an obviously bad situation with little information to work with, but Jotaro won’t waste the opportunity. They might only have one shot to work with, and he can’t waste it before he even knows what he’s walked into.

Carefully, he crouches in front of Rohan, His eyes don’t quite fixate on the mangaka. Instead, he’s too busy taking in their surroundings, searching for a threat.

Rohan startles and yelps. “What the fuck?” He grinds out after the initial shock washes over both of them.

“I could ask you the same thing. What happened?” Jotaro demands. His gaze shifts to Rohan. It’s a raking thing. Slow and deliberate as he searches for any sign of injury. There’s no blood that he can see. No limbs twisted horrifically out of place, and no holes punched where they don’t belong. Jotaro doesn’t allow himself to relax. There’s obviously something wrong; he just hasn’t figured it out yet.

“Ribs,” Rohan breathes out after a moment of hesitation. The mere effort of talking leaves him struggling for air.

Jotaro’s frown deepens, and he tunes out the rest of the world to focus on Rohan.

“Let me see.”

“No.”

“Rohan.”

“Go away.”

“Kishibe,” Jotaro grinds out. He doesn’t have time to put up with Rohan being a toddler when he could have a punctured lung.

“Fine,” Rohan concedes, though doesn’t move.

Jotaro sighs and carefully maneuvers Rohan onto his side. He uses Star’s hands as a cushion between Rohan’s body and the floor. A gentle effort to avoid making the situation worse, and, for once, Jotaro is incredibly thankful for Rohan’s penchant for crop tops. It’s a convenience-- rather than a nuisance and a distraction-- in a time like this.

Slowly, Jotaro pushes the fabric out of the way, and he sucks in a sharp breath out of sympathy the moment he gets an eyeful of the bruising that’s blossomed across Rohan’s side.

“That Stand got you right in that old wound of your’s, huh?” Jotaro asks. He barely resists the urge to reach out and touch the scars hidden underneath the black and blue mess. He’s known about their existence for a while, though Rohan rarely lets him lay eyes on them for more than a few seconds at a time.

There’s three scars in total, and each one runs the length of a rib, starting at Rohan’s sternum and wrapping around midway to his spine. A childhood injury from a freak accident that still causes unnecessary pain.

(”Why not just let Josuke heal you?” Jotaro remembers asking the first time he caught a glimpse of the scars.

“Josuke can’t fix everything,” Rohan had answered, short and irritable.)

Jotaro wonders if Rohan would allow Josuke to help now. If only to take the edge off, but Jotaro will worry about calling his nephew later. For now, he’s more concerned with getting Rohan off the floor and checked over properly. Jotaro hadn’t seen Rohan take a hit, which means that he has no idea how hard it had been or what kind of damage they might be dealing with. There could be internal bleeding, a collapsed lung, or god knows what else. The bruising is extensive enough, and Rohan’s breathing is ragged. Too shallow and a touch uneven.

“What gave you that idea?” Rohan snarls at him, breaking Jotaro out of his thoughts. He forgot how ill-tempered the mangaka is when he’s hurting.

“Good grief,” Jotaro mutters, though he takes it as a positive sign that Rohan’s got enough fight in him to make this as difficult as possible.

As carefully as possible, he scoops Rohan up into his arms. It isn’t easy, given the location of the wound, but he only makes Rohan whimper rather than scream. That has to count for something.

The path to the bedroom is blessedly short, considering the size of Rohan’s house. Jotaro gently deposits the mangaka on his oversized bed and heads for the en suite bathroom to retrieve the bottle of prescription painkillers that he knows Rohan underutilizes whenever possible (Rohan doesn’t like what they do to his head, and Jotaro can’t say that he blames him). It takes some rummaging, but he manages to find the pills and a cup to pour some water into.

“Here,” Jotaro says once he returns to the bedroom. To his surprise, Rohan takes both the cup and the proffered pills without complaint. He swallows the painkillers dry and chases them down with the water before falling back against the pillows with a quiet groan.

Jotaro takes that as his permission to resume his earlier inspection. Once again, he rolls the edge of the crop top up and tries not to grimace at the sight that greets him. It’s definitely no better than before, not that he had expected it to be. There’s more bruising than not on the scarred side, and some of it has branched across, spreading to the other side. Despite how horrific it looks, Rohan’s breathing is mostly even. It’s obvious that he’s in pain and holding back, but the lung seems to be inflating properly, which is… something. Far from great, but definitely better than the alternative.

Slowly, Jotaro palpates the area. All while ignoring the squirming and gasped breaths that he gets from Rohan. At some point, Rohan has enough, and he tries to swat Jotaro away, but he pulls back before Rohan can reach him.

“I don’t think you’re bleeding internally,” Jotaro announces with a barely level tone. Relief edges his words despite his attempt to keep his tone even. He tries not to think of what could have happened if Rohan had been left alone, bleeding internally, and without any way to call for help. Jotaro chastises himself for not noticing the hit or its aftermath. How could he have missed something so obvious? He can’t imagine that Rohan had been able to fully hide it.

“Fantastic,” Rohan grits out with a roll of his eyes. The way he relaxes into the mattress gives him away, though. He’d been scared.

“I’m going to go get some ice for that. Do you need anything else?”

“No,” Rohan says too quickly. His fingers twitch, but he doesn’t speak up again. Jotaro takes that as his sign to go ahead, and he wanders downstairs and toward the kitchen.

The pantries are unsurprisingly bare, though Jotaro manages to find a baggie to put a decent amount of ice into. He grabs the hand towel off the counter to wrap the makeshift pack in and heads back upstairs, where he finds Rohan exactly where he left him. He hasn’t moved so much as an inch. It’s one more sign of the agony he must be in.

“Do you want me to call Josuke?” Jotaro asks, already knowing the answer. He passes Rohan the ice pack, figuring it will be better if Rohan places it himself. The cold is already going to make him tense up, and he doesn’t need the added pain.

“No.”

“He doesn’t have to see.”

“No.”

Jotaro gives a half shrug, “If you insist.”

“I do,” Rohan sniffs, snooty and irritated until he places the wrapped ice against his skin. He hisses and jolts away from it, but it only takes a moment before he relaxes and presses the pack that much closer. “Stop being a mother and lie down. ‘m not going anywhere anytime soon.” It’s not meant to be a reassurance, but Jotaro takes it that way anyways.

“I could call the Foundation.”

“Don’t you dare,” Rohan shoots back like Jotaro’s words had been a threat. They hadn’t. It’s an offer to have a specialist come to Rohan rather than to force Rohan to the hospital, but it doesn’t surprise Jotaro that he took it to be something else entirely.

“You’re wheezing,” Jotaro points out with the same frown he’s been wearing since he found Rohan on the floor.

“I’m fine. Get in this bed or get out.”

Jotaro can’t help thinking the words might hold more weight if Rohan weren’t practically wheezing them, but he decides to let the subject drop for now. There’s no apparent sign of an emergency. Yet. He’s not sure he can relax enough to get comfortable, but he does toe off his shoes. He rolls onto his side after another moment of contemplation. At least this position allows for him to keep an eye on Rohan without jostling him too much.

Rohan rolls his eyes, but he settles against the mattress with a half-shrug. A ‘suit yourself’ sort of gesture that’s far milder than the rest of his responses have been. His eyes slide shut and he keeps his hand firmly pressed to the ice he’s still holding to his side. His hold is still too tight, and his posture is too stiff. Jotaro wishes he could do more, but he knows how chronic pain goes. There’s really nothing more either of them can do now other than sit and wait for the medication to kick in. Rohan won’t see Josuke, and he’d probably bite Jotaro if the older man tried to take him to the hospital. Waiting is their only option, and time moves at an impossibly slow pace.

Nearly thirty minutes go by in complete silence. Rohan keeps his eyes stubbornly screwed shut, and Jotaro watches him unashamedly. The moment he thinks Rohan is getting worse, he’s dragging both of them to the nearest hospital, repercussions be damned.

Likewise, he keeps having to remind himself to take a breath. Rohan is alive and-- well, mostly-- breathing, granted it looks strained and painful, but it’s better than the alternative. Better than the rattle that Jotaro’s heard too many times before, and there’s no needless gasping. Only the occasional, low whine that manages to slip its way past Rohan’s thin-pressed lips.

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Rohan’s body begins to relax. His limbs go slack against the mattress, and his core sinks downwards. He’s no longer holding stiff as a board, and the difference is nearly palpable. Jotaro can see the moment exhaustion takes its hold over pain, and Rohan begins to slip under the blanket that is sleep.

Jotaro takes the risk of removing Rohan’s headband then. His fingers card through the mess of hair left behind. Rohan leans into the touch like it’s the best thing he’s felt in awhile, and it probably is, given what his body’s just gone through. Jotaro won’t deny him that bit of relief, so he continues to pet through Rohan’s hair until there are soft snores escaping the mangaka. Even then, he doesn’t stop. The last thing he wants is to accidentally wake Rohan up.

Eventually being curled on his side and having nowhere to go takes its toll. Jotaro’s eyelids grow heavier the longer he stays put, and he doesn’t bother to fight the sleep that settles in his limbs first and comes for his mind second.

[songofclarity]

A silly yet satisfying basis for an AU is that Wen RuoHan’s canon backstory involves him being very pleased with a newly gifted saber, but the second a guest cultivator told him a certain person wouldn't agree that his saber is all that great, Wen RuoHan wasn’t pleased with this saber anymore.

So enter Meng Yao, who gets in good with Wen RuoHan by inventing all sorts of torture devices to entertain and delight! Wen RuoHan is entertained and delighted! Meng Yao has raised the bar on torture! There is no one more capable at it than Meng Yao! Wen RuoHan is very pleased!

And then Nie MingJue, captured and furious about it, finally snaps at Meng Yao, "Is that the best you can do!? I've been tortured worse by HuaiSang!"

...Oh no!

That's it for Meng Yao! He had a nice run but it's over! He’s not the best torturer anymore and Wen RuoHan is no longer pleased so Meng Yao’s been transferred to an office that won’t give him a power trip.

Wen RuoHan is, however, interested in seeing this finer torturer though--just like he wanted to see old Sect Leader Nie’s finer saber.

Nie HuaiSang gets summoned to Nightless City and Nie MingJue is in danger (Da-ge needs him!) so let's just say he comes despite everyone at Cloud Recesses telling him NO. He's all teary-eyed in front of Wen RuoHan and just, "Please don't kill Da-ge! Also please don't slap me, I'm fragile."

But thankfully torturers don’t get slapped and instead get put to the test!

Nie HuaiSang's torture method of choice? Painting fans.

A strange yet bold choice! Wen RuoHan is intrigued.

Nie MingJue is groaning and suffering. His back hurts and the paint is running and why the hell are you laughing, HuaiSang, what do you mean there is paint on his face!? And oh hell, there is paint all over his sleeve, too!

Wen RuoHan, who might actually have been grieving the past three years over his dead sons and that torture boom in the Fire Palace was a result of some serious complicated grieving exacerbated by a person who had reasons for making the torture of cultivators his brand (because it had nothing to do with said cultivators mocking him and not allowing him into their Golden Peacock Club, I’m sure), is just, "Fascinating."

And Wen RuoHan picks up a brush and tries to paint a fan himself.

Jokes on Wen RuoHan though because it’s art therapy! Nie MingJue is already familiar with this and he hates it (Nie HuaiSang, stop making fun of his birds!) but he’s a pushover when it comes to his little brother so now they’re all painting scenery. Peaceful scenery with misty mountains and bridges and trees and flowers. Back to meditation basics! No war, no death, no stress!

NHS: “No drawing people, Sect Leader Wen. Da-ge would love to draw a battle scene but he must suffer, remember.”

WRH: “How about one sleeping under this tree?”

NHS: “Hmm. Not bad! Since Sect Leader Wen wants it, I will allow it. Draw a person sleeping under the tree, Da-ge.”

NMJ, who can only draw stick figures: “There is something fundamentally wrong with both of you.”

WRH: “?”

NHS: “I love you too, Da-ge!”

Nie MingJue, who is still recovering from the Fire Palace torture and is more than a little pissed at HuaiSang for putting himself in danger, looks over at Wen RuoHan’s fan and says without thinking, “Looks better than HuaiSang’s.” Because even upstanding big brothers have their less-than upstanding moments.

“DA-GE, HOW DARE!?”

But Wen RuoHan is... very happy! Yes, his painted fan is very good, isn’t it? Wen RuoHan eats up that flattery and.

Oh.

Nie MingJue sucks at flattery but somehow coming from him pleases Wen RuoHan the most!? Something about the rigid and tight-jawed Sect Leader Nie speaking up and saying something nice. Thankfully, Nie HuaiSang knows just what Nie MingJue needs to say, and what he needs to do!

And so it’s true! Nie HuaiSang’s method of torture is masterful indeed! Wen RuoHan is very pleased! And Nie MingJue is suffering but maybe he can be happy with it because Wen RuoHan slowly shows he’s not The Worst, actually.

The war comes to a bizarre end due to the power of Nie brotherly love and Wen RuoHan needing a better hobby and kinder companionship. The end!

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

Tommy’s (and Tubbo’s) Character /rp /dSMP

This is a bit of a rant so like be warned. I have nothing against any CCs mentioned in this, this is all roleplay, lighthearted, and just a bit of fun analysis. Mostly this is a ramble about how I see certain people analysing Tommy’s character on tumblr and twt, and why I think they’re wrong. This isn’t directed at anyone specific, just a trend I’ve been seeing that kinda irks me. I don’t dislike the fandom, just a few ‘takes’ have been really weird for me.

TW for everything below: analysing the effects of trauma, abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and lack of therapy.

I’m not really liking how victim-blamey everyone is getting currently in the dSMP, both in fandom and canon. In canon with certain characters but especially in fan analysis posts and especially about Tommy and Tubbo. People legitimately celebrating that Tommy might start ‘apologising’ for his actions more and 'growing as a person' somehow don’t realise that hes been made this way through a tonne of negative reinforcement. abuse, and gaslighting. And people blaming Tubbo for actions he had no choice in, rather than the actions he did choose.

Currently, as I see it, Tommy is so scared that anyone would find a reason to be pissed off at him that his fighting spirit has been completely crushed. He was exiled and abused when he should have been helped and given an understanding figure to guide him and teach him how to deal with things non-violently. In everyone’s eyes, the problem was that Tommy was creating violence with no real reason, acting recklessly and commiting crimes. Tubbo, having made him a part of his cabinet, knew that this would only harm the country. So instead of talking to him reasonably, he got angry, put him on trial, and punished him with the logbook (humiliating him by making him report back to Fundy, which he obviously hated). Tommy’s actions were, of course, bad, but did he deserve everyone ganging up on him? No. Especially when Tubbo was supposed to be in his corner, helping him out like he always said he would (”It’s me and you vs Dream” etc). This is the first betrayal of trust from Tommy’s POV. He doesn’t understand what he did wrong to its full extent, and no one can explain it to him. 

However, Tubbo was under a lot of pressure from Dream and George, and he’s a literal child President, so his ‘safety over friendship’ actions are understandable. I don’t believe Tubbo is solely to blame for anything he’s done in season 2, but it can’t all be excused. If you are to blame Tommy for his recklessness, you have to blame Tubbo, at least partially, for his disregard for Tommy’s feelings and mental state. There were other ways to go about the entire thing, including the trial, which was just horrible to watch, and agreeing to give Dream the disc, something Tommy gave him in pure confidence that it would be safe with Tubbo. Yikes moment.

At that time, Tubbo knew a lot of things about Tommy. In fact, he probably knew the most about Tommy out of anyone on the server. He knew the discs were incredibly important and a comfort item for Tommy. He knew Tommy had trauma from being exiled in the past. He knew Tommy was abused, or at least manipulated by Wilbur, in addition to growing up in war. Wilbur once told Tommy to stop being reckless, and Tommy listened, changing his attitude because he looked up to Wilbur so much. Then Wilbur said ‘let’s be the bad guys’ and stopped trying to mentor Tommy. There’s a conflict here, because Tommy was told by Wilbur that he wasn’t good enough to be President (links to the idea of ‘not being strong enough’) but he knows that Wilbur was a bad person. But Tommy is never given the chance to reconsile his feelings surrounding Wilbur, both because of Ghostbur and because of the conflict he starts with George. So he is harbouring a mixture of emotions about his mentor and brother, not understanding how to untangle the ‘real Tommy’ from the manipulated boy he became. 

What was going through his head when he stole from George and griefed him? Perhaps the thought that he needed to show he was still the same old Tommy. Maybe the need to ‘prove himself’ as a strong person? It could have just been an outlet for his trauma. He’s grown up in a world where everyone is either a friend or an enemy. George isn’t a friend. How was he supposed to know that hurting him was bad?

Tubbo was pressured into the actions he took against Tommy, but he was pressured far too easily. There is no moment where Tubbo turns to Tommy and makes sure he’s okay, he views him as ‘selfish’ and overdramatic, and sees his actions that way. This makes sense from Tubbo’s POV, he’s struggling to be President in ways that Wilbur *knew* he would, but in Tommy’s eyes this is the worst betrayal he’s ever known. The moment Tubbo (rightfully, but poorly executed) defies Tommy’s plan to hire Technoblade (ahem, seeing Techno as a weapon again) and exiles Tommy is the moment their friendship shatters. They’re two people who don’t understand each other anymore. Two people who are technically in the right, but only hurt each other. 

What Tommy needed was a therapist, instead he had Dream, who put out the fire of rebellion that made him so strong, and Techno, who was trying to help but doing it in the wrong way. 

People see tommy's change post-exile as a good thing because he's not as rebellious anymore and he’s thinking things through a lot before he does them, but they will soon realise that his rebellion was one of his best traits and the fact that no one saw it as anything but a problem really shows. He now second-guesses himself so much and is so scared of being wrong that everything seems too difficult and too dangerous. Every trait can have a positive and negative side. Tommy's defiant nature would have made him the perfect negotiator with a little practise. In fact, he had plenty of good ideas before he was exiled (using spirit against Dream, though it didnt work in the end, for example). The negative side of this was recklessness and the desire to cause problems on purpose, but what he needed was a friend (looking at you Tubbo) who understood that hes been through several wars, was manipulated by Wilbur, and hasnt known a time of peace where everyone who wasnt on his side was out to kill him. Now that ‘fight’ is gone he's just become easier to manipulate.

He may be getting better (see: telling Dream to go fuck himself) but there hasn't been any long-term growth because he was never told what kind of rebellion was good and what was bad. He was just told it was all bad. By Dream (and by Tubbo). Who he doesn't trust. So he's just going to revert back to his old ways because no one told him what was bad in a way that didn't make him feel like everyone was against him. Dream is the enemy (though Tommy’s feelings towards him are complicated, they make his brain go all ‘flippy floppy’) and Dream told him that rebellion was bad, so rebellion must be good always, right? 

And then there's Techno. Techno did nothing wrong except for when he did. Techno is 100% right except for when he isn’t. He doesn't understand Tommy because Tommy was never fully open about what Dream had done and how it affected him. That's not Tommys fault though, because who the fuck openly talks about their trauma? So neither of them are to blame for pretty much anything up until the confrontation at the community house. 

However, Techno's methods and ideology were not what Tommy needed. He was thrown from one extreme to another over and over again, from complete subservience to total rebellion. Neither of these inforce good attitudes in Tommy. One, as stated before, makes it so that he will regain his negative traits again. The other reinforces those violent traits as good, just like Wilbur did. The only difference is that Techno had good intentions, he wasnt trying to use Tommy, which is why he feels so used when Tommy 'betrays' him (Techno doesnt realise that he himself betrayed Tommy by teaming with Dream, he sees it more as a transaction than a personal thing). Techno feels so hurt by Tommy ‘viewing him as a weapon’ that he goes on with his no-mercy attack, completely dropping Tommy at his lowest point. 

Tommy says he doesn't want to be like everyone he's hated. In fact, he say's he is 'worse' than all the villains. This is very obviously untrue, though he was clearly going down a dangerous path with Techno's influence (see: bullying Fundy, spawning wither, kidnapping Connor, and saying that the discs are more important than Tubbo, more on that later). He's not a villain but who exactly has said he's not a villain. Dream? Techno? Neither of them can be trusted in his eyes. They say he's a good guy, Wilbur wanted to be the bad guy, who's right? He doesn't know. He has a crisis of morality. 

And? Some people want to point at that and say 'aha! Character development! He's finally realising his actions have a negative affect on others!' OH GOD NO??? He's a *child* who thinks that he is worse than his abuser. Does that sound like positive character growth to you? 

Lastly, the discs. We know theyre a comfort item blahblahblah. He hates himself for valuing them more than he values Tubbo. He's literally innocent in this. He’s been horribly manipulated by Dream to believe that the discs are worth anything. Theyre really not worth anything if they are being used as tools rather than, yknow, discs. My poor boy. He doesnt trust people, so what can he trust? The discs. But then he says it out loud and realises he misses Tubbo and he wants to be with his best friend again and and and WAHHHH. This also isnt really character growth its just fucking sad leave me alone. 

Anyways what the fuck guys. @ Niki and Jack what the fuck. Yeah we get it it’s miscommunication but wtf. Kinda worried that the actual lore will make Niki and Jack’s hatred of Tommy justified in some way and take on a big victim-blamey vibe, but I’m hoping that everyone is smart enough to not do that. I cannot praise Tommy enough for how he’s portrayed his character. I’m currently hoping that he himself understands the true complexity of it all. I’m sure he does.

Mostly though im actually pissed off at all the people praising tommy's character for 'maturing' when hes literally just got trauma. Nice one, tumblr and twt users. Thanks. Great job. He hasnt 'learnt his lesson', he’s traumatised. What the fuck.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk, leave your responses in the reblogs and comments.