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ohhipstaplease · 4 years ago

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idk if you're still doing prompts but nh + fluff 15? I'm sorry about all the fluff pieces but I live for fluff 😅

I’m sorry if it isn’t as fluffy as usual but I HAD to write something Team 8 centric to soothe my soul today. I can see this turning into a full fanfic though...at some point (I promise)

Fluff #15: “She’s/he’s not my boyfriend!”

After Hinata confesses to Naruto��and her “I love you” goes right over his head—Kiba takes matters into his hands to (finally) get the two idiots together.

Post Pain-Arc | Canon Divergence | Jealous (!) Naruto | Ao3

“You look cute today,” Kiba said nonchalantly to his teammate as she walked towards him.

The Hyuga beauty had uncharacteristically pulled her hair up onto the top of her head in a high ponytail, her delicate features now on display for the world to see.

Hinata, already used to Kiba’s compliments, didn’t bat an eye when he said it, she simply responded, “Thank you! I just wanted to try something a little different,” She patted Akamaru’s head in greeting, the gentle giant licking her palm as she giggled.

Kiba took the opportunity to sneak up behind her and pull on her ponytail slightly, wanting to fix the slight hairs that were sticking out. He adjusted the simple lavender tie she had placed upon the top of it for good measure as well.

Had anyone happened upon the pair, they probably would have thought there was more between them than a simple friendship, but they were used to it. Hinata didn’t even try to push him off, she simply let him fix her hair and looked up at him with a thankful smile when he was finished.

They were meeting up to have lunch, a much needed distraction after all the chaos that had ensued in the village during Pain’s attack. Unfortunately Shino was unable to join the pair for a well-deserved day off, leaving them to their own devices.

Kiba nodded as he stepped back and appreciated his work, “I like it. I’m sure Naruto will too,” He smirked.

She exhaled, her cheeks red and splotchy, “We’re not going to let it go, are we?”

“Hinata, you confessed to him.”

“It was in the middle of battle...spur of the moment,” She tried, suddenly regretting admitting to Kiba and Shino that she had, in fact, told the love of her life, Naruto Uzumaki, her true feelings for him. She knew they’d never let it go, not until Naruto gave her an answer either way.

She just wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say. Even if he was ready to face what she had said to him head-on, “Besides,” she mumbled, “he didn’t even acknowledge it...”

“You told him you loved him...you literally died for him. How could the idiot not see it?”

She shrugged pathetically, “It is what it is, don’t worry, Kiba.”

He sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets when suddenly it hit him. An idea so genius, even Shino had to approve. Akamaru, sensing that Kiba was about to say something Shino would in fact not approve of, whined and hit his master gently on his leg with his paw.

Kiba ignored him, knowing that what he had in mind was just too perfect not to share, “Hinata?”

“Yes?”

“What if...what if we made Naruto jealous? Just to make him see what he’s missing.”

“W-what?��

“It’s the oldest trick in the book, Hyuga,” He took her hand into his as if he had done it millions of times before, “We go on a fake date, act all cute and shit, and when he sees us together he’ll magically realize his feelings for you. You know, because someone else has what he thought was his and all that bullshit?”

“You’re insane.”

“I know what boys are like, Hinata.”

She looked down at their interlaced fingers and sighed, “You’re sure this will work?”

“If it doesn’t, I’ll pay for lunch.”

“And dessert?”

“As many cinnamon rolls as your heart desires.”

Hinata exhaled and nodded, “Alright. I mean, there’s nothing left to lose, right?”

“That’s the spirit!”

Kiba led Hinata forward, Akamaru following close behind. He was sure his plan was going to work, after all, he barely had enough to cover his portion of lunch. That alone should have proved how confident Kiba was that he’d get Naruto and Hinata to finally acknowledge their feelings for each other.

“Okay, just follow my lead,” Kiba said as he spotted Naruto at his usual stool at Ichiraku.

“Naruto! How are you? Healing up okay?” Kiba asked as he sat down next to the blonde, his hand still in Hinata’s.

Naruto squinted at them, tilting his head, “I-I’m fine. Thanks for asking...”

“That’s good to hear, we all deserve some time off after that mess, right Hinata?”

Hinata didn’t dare meet Naruto’s gaze, simply nodded and pretended as if he wasn’t even there.

“Two bowls of pork miso ramen, please!” Akamaru barked and Kiba smiled down at him, “Oh right, it’s a special occasion. Make that three bowls!”

“Special occasion?” Naruto asked.

“Nothing you have to worry about, just celebrating a certain someone saying yes to a question I asked,” He said, looking at Hinata.

Naruto’s cheeks grew redder by the second as he studied them, “W-what?”

“I asked Hinata to be my girlfriend,” Kiba said, holding up her hand in his, “And she said yes.” He roughly pulled her into his embrace and pressed his cheek to hers, “Isn’t it great?”

Akamaru groaned behind the three, trying to ignore what was happening before him. It was getting a little too painful to watch. Kiba had never been known for his tact after all.

“So you two...are...dating?”

Hinata tried to interject, feeling sick over everything that was unfolding, “N-no we-”

Kiba quickly slapped a hand over Hinata’s mouth and laughed, “Yeah! I confessed to her right after we got back to the village. I mean, it just seemed to be the right time and all, considering everything that happened.”

Naruto let out a breath and instead of continuing the conversation further, he flagged down Teuchi, “Old man, how much do I owe you?”

Teuchi quickly put up a hand and waved Naruto off, “Oh, no, we could never charge the village hero. Not after everything. Consider it on the house.”

Naruto nodded solemnly, gave a glance Kiba and Hinata’s way, and quickly turned to leave.

“Kiba!” Hinata said in a panic, “That definitely couldn’t have been a part of your plan!”

Kiba huffed, “Yeah...I didn’t think he’d just walk away like that. Maybe we need to try a different-”

Hinata ignored Kiba and decided to take matters into her own hands, what she should have done in the first place, really.

She got up from her seat, a flustered mess, and chased after Naruto. She screamed out without thinking, “Naruto-Kun!”

His head turned immediately towards her, his brow furrowed in confusion, “Hinata?”

“Naruto-” She panted, attempting to catch her breath as she caught up to him.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you on...” He took a breath as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, a pout playing upon his lips, “Aren’t you on a date with your boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” She yelled out, a little too passionately.

Naruto stifled a laugh at how ridiculously cute she looked. Her ponytail was slightly askew, her cheeks flushed and her lips ridiculously red from her biting her bottom lip. He had been biding his time since he had returned from the village, waiting to approach Hinata and talk about everything that had happened. About what she had said to him.

“Then why did he...”

Hinata sighed, so clearly embarrassed for going along with it. But...she quickly realized that Naruto was...jealous? She could see it in his eyes, the way he acted back at Ichiraku. He was clearly bothered by what had happened. Kiba was actually...right.

So she gathered her courage and firmly asked, “Why do you care?”

“Huh?”

“Whether or not Kiba and I are dating....why do you care?”

Naruto furrowed his brow, “I don’t, I-I just,” He groaned, “Hinata, it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter!”

“Why!?”

“I told you I loved you!”

Naruto looked at her wide-eyed, clearly in shock. Of course he knew she had confessed her feelings, but...they were also in the middle of a battle. He thought that...that maybe it wasn’t true. It was an adrenaline-fueled confession that she would walk back the moment they got back. That maybe...maybe she meant she loved him like she loved her teammates. That he was her precious friend, just as Sakura and Sasuke were his. He never imagined in his wildest dreams that the girl he’d always taken notice of always wanted to protect had been watching him too. That he’d grow to want to take care of her, to ensure she was okay. He didn’t know what that meant then, but he did now.

He didn’t understand his feelings until that day, in the midst of battle, and it killed him to think it took them nearly dying for him to comprehend that what he felt for her was far greater than friendship.

“I-I know...” He managed to mutter, “It was just such a crazy day, Hinata. I thought that maybe I misheard you, or that you didn’t mean it in the way you did. I didn’t want to embarrass you by bringing it up again. I mean...we haven’t even talked since we got back.”

“Then let’s talk,” She said, looking down and shyly placing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I-I’d like that.”

“Yeah?”

Naruto grabbed the same hand Kiba had intertwined in his earlier, and claimed it as his, protectively interlacing his fingers in hers and squeezing her hand for good measure.

It wasn’t like with Kiba at all, Hinata realized. Her heartbeat was out of time, her knees felt weak. Feeling Naruto under her touch was nearly too much for her to handle.

“Oh..um...” Naruto blushed as he met her gaze, “I really like your hair up, you know?”

“O-oh,” She smiled as she looked away, unable to look at him head on.

“It’s really cute.”

“T-thank you.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, of course. Um, why don’t we go get something sweet, yeah? We can talk at the tea shop?”

“Okay.”

The pair, hands still intertwined, walked toward the tea shop, a blush upon each of their faces.

Kiba, watching from outside Ichiraku, smiled to himself as he said to Akamaru, “See boy, it all went exactly as I said it would. Didn’t it? Next thing you know, we’ll be helping Hinata pick out a wedding dress.”

Akamaru rolled his eyes and continued eating from the offered bowl of ramen. It was better to let Kiba think he had won this round.

“Ah, first love,” Kiba sighed dreamily as he sat back down on his stool, “I can’t wait to see it all play out.”

#naruhina drabble #naruhina fanfiction #team 8 #hinata hyuga #naruto uzumaki #kiba inuzuka

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kim-ruzek · 3 years ago

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What would you have liked to see instead of Sharpwin moving to London? I don’t mind to but I wish they’d moved in the last season instead as a way to finally end the show. I also think the proposal is waaaaay too soon but idk

I fully agree with you; them moving to London (in my eyes) would've been the BEST way to end the show. I do have a feeling that they will still conclude the show with them living there, because in so many ways it's the perfect end to both their arcs, but I do find they should've left it to the final season.

What I would've liked to see instead is a complicated question for me, really. Because yeah, especially as a permanent move, I would've preferred if London was for the ending but I do really like it. Like what I would've liked to see is just a better execution, exactly how I said in my previous ask. (Or y'know, at the very least have an actual accurate portrayal of the NHS but I won't bore you with the rant about that).

It's also hard for me to answer because god, this show is so good with advancing their character arcs in such a good way that makes sense. And going to London, that fits so well into Helen's next stage in her arc. Her arc is about family, reconnecting with herself and London is a huge part of that. Especially after a pandemic. I know that if I ever moved away from home that a decade plus later, I'd want to come back to my country, especially to my city, because I'd miss here so much. Especially depending which country I emigrated to.

And also Helen needs a next step in her career; she stepped down as deputy medical director to focus on family, but she still wants to do new things and there's no room for that growth at new amsterdam and it fits very well in her character arc to go to London at this point. And I find it hard to picture a storyline for her that doesn't involve this being a factor.

So really what I would've liked to see is London, not permanently though. Although they wouldn't know that. She'd go, fix up things, make a difference, reconnect with her heritage in London as well as her mother, provide England with some of that amazing doctor Sharpe brilliance and then realise that she's made herself whole again. That the parts of her she boxed up are with the Helen she has become again. And that she's achieved what she came here to do, but realise she's missing her family -- her chosen new Amsterdam family. And they'd go back.

And of course London being good for Max. That he actually gets employed (bc y'know. He would) and gets to relax being in the nhs and just practicing medicine again. And that then translating back when they go back. I have a lot of ideas of how London should go, as you can see, and really what Helen's job should've been but this is really just the base of it for them.

How them going back to New Amsterdam would depend a lot (with how I see it) if the show actually wasn't ending, because then this could've provided a lot of storylines to go ahead with.

OR, really, the best thing I would've wanted their last six weeks to maybe be drama free, just their friends licking their wounds and doing all the prep, and then they go and Max's replacement is nothing how they all thought she'd be. And we get to see Veronica fucking things up, while max and Helen adjust in London. And their friends don't tell them because... They left so why should they? But then Kapoor dies, they go back and realise how much things has been fucked up, and then we get to see Max fixing things.

I'm not really explaining or doing justice to what's in my head justice lol sorry but oh well 🤷🏾‍♀️

But really. So taking London out of the equation, what I would've wanted to see is honeymoon sharpwin, them learning how to be in a relationship with each other. Basically all the moments we see get brushed over. Plus scenes of them being co-workers while being lovers and how that changes things, people's reactions to them being together (outside their core fam). Just the usual kind of stuff we usually get, but just with this new stage of their life. And their growing pains, of course.

Honestly I wanted to see this even with London (like? Luna's grandparents' reaction??). I think really I just wanted to see more cohesive writing. That we get a quarter of the season to them settling down to this next stage without London being so imminent, then the final weeks, and leading up to them leaving and coming back. Like done right, this could've been a great way to spend the last two seasons.

But I was taking London out of the equation sorry. I would want to see them navigating being together, AND that the hospital drama is the fallout of Helen stepping down as deputy -- that the board brings Veronica in as a new deputy and there's friction because they don't agree and half the board favours her ideas over his ect and just seeing sharpwin support each other through that.

So really my answer is seeing them navigate being together, the potential backlash Helen would get for dating her boss, Helen becoming a part of the Goodwin family, them navigating remaining issues from the grandparents trying to get Luna AND I would've loved to see Max's parents being introduced. And lines where Helen is flying back to the UK a lil bit to see mina and try and convince her mom to be open to a relationship. And also them navigating the fact that Helen is rediscovering herself ect.

And YES I do think the proposal is too soon. I mean I also don't but do? Like if the storyline this season was more cohesive, I can see it fitting in (especially because I think they both very much know that this is it for them). But with how it has been? It does feel a little rushed. That being said, I know I will die when we see it bc I just love them so much.

I think it's very much that they basically got word they're not going past season five, and it's been shortened, so they're trying to get in all the scenes they wanted to show for sharpwin but the writing is way too choppy for it.

Anyway! Sorry this isn't a very cohesive answer itself, I have a lot of thoughts about this but apparently suck getting them written down but thank you for asking!!! 💕

#reese's asks #new amsterdam #sharpwin #thank you for asking!!!! 💕#i am a bit of a mess sorry!#i hope this makes sense

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char-lotteral · 4 years ago

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Look I'm not one of those people who believe Kishimoto decided to have Hinata and Naruto end up in the middle part of Shippuden. I believe he decided in the very last arc but he wanted to sound smart so he said he decided earlier on. Otherwise, they obviously would have more scene together. In Shippuden, they have only three scenes together ; when Naruto came back, the pain attack and the neji death scene. That's it. In the original Naruto, they probably have less than ten canon scenes not including fillers.

So I'm sorry I'm one of those who wasn't convinced by The Last. They literally had a basic villain go after Hinata who was cringe btw (the villain). They gave Hinata op powers which she doesn't have in the novel 👀. Despite having op powers, they made her the damsel in distress. Very "The hero saves the princess" cliche. Again, to justify them being together. I mean Naruto can't differentiate his love for ramen and romantic love so how??? He was just being nice to Hinata just like he does to everyone. He stood up for her just like he does for everyone.

Don't get me started on the Sakura Sasuke relationship 🤣. Cringe. They never knew each other. The whole Sakura's love for Sasuke saved him doesn't make sense. They spent barely a year in their genin year before sasuke left. Sasuke tried to kill Naruto and Sakura multiple times. Then at the end of the war, Kishimoto tried to do the "oh they have such a deep understanding between each other" which comes off as cringey. He gets her pregnant then leaves for years. She's literally a single mom who's broke.

Every relationship in Naruto is so cringey and forced except shikatemari. Kishimoto should've focused on the main story and fixed his potholes and leave the ending open.

Naruto would not have been perfect but at least it would've been remembered for staying true to its vision but instead it's remembered for cringey relationships, dumbass villain (except pain and madara) and a story that lost its core which is a shame coz I used to love Naruto. I was inspired by its messages but now....

OKAY LOL WAIT I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS LONG ASS RANT PREPARED XD

BUT FIRST Ive read what you said and I lowkey agree :p

HOWEVER

I DRAW THE LINE AT TONERI SLANDER. BECAUSE WHY

TONERI?? CRINGE?? THIS SEXY MOTHERFUCKER??

LOOK AT HIS WHITE FLUFFY HAIR AND HIS CERULEAN BLUE ORBS STARING DEEPLY INTO YOUR SOUL

SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW?!#*@*#&@*

okay lol now for the juicy part click readmore and beware I shall be brutally honest so yea enjoy

I mean, Naruto in general is a mess, not just the ships if we're being realistic. Alot of plotholes, rushed endings, this and that, the w a r a r c, Kaguya, the way they rushed Boruto ehhh. Honestly, getting into Naruto is literally my biggest regret of 2020 :"DD

Im an NH shipper as you can tell by my hotmess of a blog but i fully respect your opinion and understand your point of view. I also know a bunch of nh stans who have their complaints with their development. I wish Kishi gave more attention to his female cast really, thats all I fucking ask. If he did that one single basic thing, then maybe the endgame relationships wouldnt have been an asspull and theyd be given propper screentime with their love interest, both Sakura and Hinata. The Last tbh i think the writers played it safe and stuck to the whole Naruto shounen vibe thingy, so im not surprised it was plotted that way. Typical cliché shounen movie.

But does that bother me? No! The Last was a mess, their development was shit, they definitely needed more screentime but hey at the end of the day theyre cute as fuck, we have that kiss scene, flirting scenes, a shit ton of official art, three kids, Seiki's gif :33 and a whole ass arc for their wedding all that for just a shounen anime so eh. Compensates for it i guess xD theyre not toxic, unhealthy or whatnot. Theyre wholesome, soft and vanilla as fuck and exactly what i need in my hectic life rn. No drama, just two kind souls who are adorable as heck and theyre dynamic means so much to me and I will love them until i shall leave this earth.

Anon, im not even gonna waste my time and defend their development because i think it sucked too xD but if you wanna know why i love them so so so soooo much, Id be more than willing to tell you :33

Sasuke and Sakura on the other hand eeeehhhh i can see why people like them. Sasuke's hot, he's your typical hot bad boy aad Sakura's hot and pretty too. Basic blue and pink trope. Aside from their canon interactions, fans have all the opportunity to play around with their dynamic but for me, its just sooo basic and so hetero and can easily appeal to any 16 yr old teenage girl, no wonder it has an active fanbase on twt and---- AM I MAKING ANY SENSE? AHDBAJJE LIKE ITS SO-- BASIC, your usual bad boy x pretty girl trope that you get to read in YA and coming of age novels. Not only that, but going back to canon, they have too many negative interactions for me to like them together :p The least Sakura can do is put down her own foot and yell at him for not contacting them for god knows how long. I also dont like how he always gets easily forgiven >=[[. I mean at least He's compensating as a dad good for him but ehhhh i still dont like him and Sakura together :v And im not falling for that "Sakura is the reason why Sasuke isnt lonely anymore" because thats NARUTO AHHH. Sasuke said that Multiple times. HE LIGHTS A FIRE INSIDE OF ME. HES MY SUN. MY ONE AND ONLY FRIEND. LIEK?? THATS NARUTOOO romantic or not, Naruto was the reason for his not so lonely existence anymore smh >=[[

Sasuke almost murdered her and Naruto and made their lives a living hell but hey its all good!! He's my best friend and Sakura loves him!! So set him freeee into the worldddd~~

Sasuke left his family without even simply contacting them but can easily contact Naruto through a hawk but hey thats fine! His and Sakura's feelings are connected afterall! Sasuke gave her a ring and said thank you! Who cares about leaving your family. She loves him and he loves her so yey!!! All is forgiven :D

DID I MENTION SASUKE ALMOST MUREDERED HIS OWN DAUGHTER AND HE WASNT CALLED OUT FOR THAT@*#&@??!?#,*@#,#

Sasuke gets too many life points this isnt fair >=[[ But tbh he's nerfed so bad in Boruto manga and anime power wise. Like in that time travel arc and the manga. The rinnegan kunai thing was still so funny to me even if it was Borushiki. I just idk its so funny to me lmaoo

OKAY WHAT ELSE. I dont even know any more. Im tired of complaining about Naruto and just when Ive finally gone a little bit away from Naruto, Hinata fucking pulls me in again 😩 she has me on chokehold pls send help. Watch castlevania!!! and one piece!!!! ten times better than this anime about a loud blonde boi who wants to be president. Trust me

overall, i dont fully agree but i lowkey agree i guess. I do respect your opinion tho :))

EXCEPT WHEN YOU CALLED TONERI CRINGE. HOW DARE YOU CALL THAT SEXY MF CRINGEY---

#like at this point if you complain about naruhina to me id probably complain along with you #but at the end of the day #i really do not care lol #theyre CUTE AS FUCK AND I WILL COMMIT MASS MURDER FOR THESE PRECIOUS KIDS AND WOULD NOT FEEL AN OUNCE OF REMORSE #also i have like zero energy to find all those manga panels and debunk shit and stuff #i just say the first thing that comes to my brain and fart it out on my lonely tumblr blog #anon #hey hey anon ask me about why i love naruhina so much come on come on *aggressively bounces knees*#unpopular opinions

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porcupine-girl · 5 years ago

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Untamed Fic Rec List

Look, most of these are reasonably popular fics already, so if you’ve been in this fandom for a couple months you’ve likely read them. Which is not how I normally do rec lists, but I’m new enough to Untamed that I’m still reading through all the fics by authors I know from other fandoms plus ones that have been personally recced to me, so I haven’t made it into the deep dive of underappreciated fics that I normally like to rec.

It doesn’t help that one of these recs is 445K, so for like two weeks straight it was basically all I was reading.

BUT if, like me, you are rather new to this fandom and its fics, here are some good ones:

The Same Moon Shines Series by sami

This is the 445K behemoth, made up of 23 works, and is technically made up of three interrelated series. The first fic, which establishes the whole universe/multiverse, is 139K on its own. Basically, decades into the canon future, WWX invents time travel.

He goes back to being born, but is reborn with all his memories intact. And he fixes, like, fucking everything and it’s so, so fucking satisfying. Everything’s not perfect though - for example, he like lowkey (highkey?) traumatizes LXC by showing him his previous life via empathy and that has some consequences eventually. Featuring ace poly JC/LXC/WQ triad.

Then in a cracky subseries, appropriately called “ridiculous future bullshit”, we assume that the main six from this universe (WWX, LWJ, JC, WQ, LXC, JYL, & Lan Sizhui) all achieve immortality and find out what they’re up to in the modern day, where they’re revered in the Five Nations (this does a great job of staying in the canon world instead of ours) but of course white Western assholes do things like try and make a disney movie called Hanguang-Jun and the Yiling Patriarch where they marry LWJ off to a girl.

And then in a third subseries, which so far has only one WIP fic, we go back to the canon universe, find out that JC and LWJ were stuck there watching WWX disappear in his time machine array (so WWX actually split off into another universe, he didn’t rewind his own), and so they get into the array having no idea what it will do but wanting to chase down the asshole they love. And so a third universe is born, where they are both born with their memories but WWX is not. I absolutely love seeing how different their priorities are from WWX’s in terms of what they want to change in their new life.

(Also: This is technically a MDZS fic that usually goes with novel canon over show canon if there’s a discrepancy, so if like me you haven’t read the whole novel you might need to look up some plot points now and then.)

The Vermillion Ribbon by @unforth

AU where Wei WuXian was taken in by Wen Qing and Wen Ning’s parents instead of the Jiangs. LWJ (who is the POV character) is a super DUPER dick to him at first, like even moreso than in canon, but the speed with which he regrets his choices is breathtaking and extremely satisfying.

LWJ is a VERY unreliable narrator. He has absolutely no idea what is going on with himself or anyone else at any point in time. Eventually he at least becomes self-aware of this fact, and can at least go wait am I missing something? I think I’m missing several somethings but fuck if I know what. Wei WuXian not understanding this about him leads to some miscommunication, because WWX doesn’t get that LWJ needs absolutely everything spelled out to him in single-syllable words with crayon drawings and y’know, WWX isn’t going to be straightforward anytime he can pretend he’s TOTALLY FINE :D :D :D instead.

LWJ’s friendship with NHS is magical, and NHS in general gets 810% more opportunity to scheme and plot pre-time-of-NMJ’s-canonical-death than in canon and is honestly living his best life. It’s also valuable for LWJ to have a scheming friend because, aside from realizing he misjudged WWX, this is how he starts to figure out that he’s a dumbass who has no idea what is going on ever. But he can count on NHS to always be ten steps ahead, so it’s okay.

(ETA: I’m sorry, I made unforth feel like maybe LWJ was too dense, and no, he’s very much not stupid in general. Like, honestly the fact that he becomes so self-aware of the things he’s bad at, and does things like trust NHS to always understand the stuff he’s missing, makes him come off as very intelligent. It’s just in the specific realm of understanding anything that people say or do that isn’t 100% honest and straightforward that he is just entirely hopeless in a rather relatable way, and like I said, WWX’s go-to is hiding any and all pain so that is a bad combo.)

The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou

This diverges from canon when WWX is on his way to Jin Ling’s one month celebration, but doesn’t bring Wen Ning along. So when Jin Zixun attacks it goes very poorly for him, poorly enough that Jin Zixuan thinks he’s dead and it’s reported back at Carp Tower as such. Sending LWJ into a dissociative state. He manages to break through to reality just long enough to find out that Jin Zixuan took WWX’s body back to the burial mounds and left it with Wen Qing, and to get on his sword and go directly there. Thankfully, it turns out that WWX is not dead, but only just barely so.

So LWJ stays there, because now that he spent some amount of time (he isn’t really sure if it was like five minutes or two hours, because dissociation) thinking WWX was dead he now knows that he should never, ever be anywhere but with WWX.

Honestly, it almost feels like a spoiler to say WWX doesn’t die, but there’s no major character death warning while there IS one for graphic violence so it’s not a chose not to warn either, so that’s technically not a spoiler. But things are touch-and-go for him for a very, very long time. And the romance is a slow burn with pining galore. And you get to see LWJ teaching A-Yuan to play the guqin, so like imagine being WWX and you wake up from almost dying to see that going on in your cave.

Velle: to will, to wish by @aerlalaith

This one is actually canon-compliant, and as it’s both quite a bit shorter and more straightforward, plot-wise, than the others, my writeup will be short but that doesn’t mean I loved it any less. Basically, it’s the process of LWJ deciding to adopt A-Yuan in the aftermath of WWX’s death. It starts just after he’s been beaten for turning against the other cultivators, and at first it’s mostly his grief and both physical and emotional pain. A-Yuan starts slipping in to visit him. and LWJ isn’t sure if he’s really okay with that at first.

Of course he becomes very okay with it, but the Lan elders and Lan Qiren and all aren’t just going to be like “ok sure you can barely walk you should def adopt a four-year-old of unclear origins who may or may not have something to do with your demonic dead boyfriend and the evil people he helped, that’s cool,” so it’s not that simple.

There’s a followup fic where, years later, LWJ chooses the courtesy name Sizhui and Xichen gives him shit for it.

save a sword, ride a socialist by sysrae / @fozmeadows

Continuing on my grand tour of Untamed fics by my fave writers from other fandoms, I get to enjoy having overlapped with foz on a third straight fandom which is just fabulous. I totally thought I wasn’t gonna read AUs and then this asshole comes along and writes AUs, which is not playing fair.

I especially love this because it’s modern day but much like ridiculous future bullshit it’s modern day in (more or less) a canonish world, not our world. So like, they fly on swords, but not long distances because it’s easier to take a train or drive rather than use up all that spiritual energy.

Lan Qiren and Jin Guangshan miss the old ways, though, and they think the best ancient tradition to bring back is arranged marriage! Because that will go over well with today’s youth. They try to make LWJ marry Mianmian but he’s like “um I’m gay” and LQ throws a hissy fit about that so Jin Zixuan (who is LWJ’s bestie and is fucking hilarious) hatches a plot for LWJ to cause LQ to stroke out by bringing WWX to Lan Xichen’s birthday party as his fake date.

But when LWJ and WWX meet up to talk this over, LWJ is instantly fucked because WWX has a small child with him and it turns out that this small child is the orphan he adopted. He doesn’t notice he’s fucked until a few days later, though, when WWX comes over for “kissing practice” and they fuck and he calls Jin Zixuan all “I think I caught a feel, what do?” and JZX is like idk, you’re a moron, don’t ask me to clean up your moron messes. And the next day LWJ buys a car seat.

Lan Wangji heard about Jack 110% Zimmermann and said “challenge accepted,” is what I’m saying here. And now I’ve written as much about this 33k fic as I did about the 445k, so I’ll shut up before I just recount the entire plot.

#the untamed #fic recs #wangxian #if I haven't recced your fic I probably haven't read it yet #literally this is most of the fics I've managed to read so far #when I say the same moon shines took up all of my reading time for 2-3 weeks I am being entirely serious #and then vermillion ribbon is 220+k so it took a week or two too #so like i've got ao3 emails waiting in my inbox for fics by tippy and moosefeels and through_shadows_falling and a few others #I promise I will get to them!

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neverdoingmuch · 4 years ago

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I just really love Two Person Love Triangles and Identity Porn. So, maybe a You've Got Mail AU? Or a superhero AU when one of them falls for both the masked hero and the secret identity?

because i love both of these aus i’ve written both!! but they’re pretty long bc i wouldn’t be me if i didn’t plot out an entire fic so the superhero au is here.

as for the you’ve got mail au, i went off and watched the movie for the first time and i am delighted by your taste anon,,, the au works so well!!

(okay for some reason tumblr won’t let me indent my bullets so idk how to fix that so big rip)

so we have lan & sons books, a company that prides itself on providing cheap books for everyone to read. think less evil corporation and more we wanted to provide easily accessible books for all people and ended up getting really rich off it

mr lan dadman was meant to be in charge but he ran off and lqr stepped up until lxc was old enough to take over and now lqr just kinda assists lxc when he needs help and does some other work

lqr is definitely the old guy who had a letter thing with this one woman who was enchanting but instead he was chatting to cssr and she was shameless

anyway lwj works as *random high up job that joe fox has* and his best work friend (and real friend) is jin zixuan

jin zixuan is the heir to some coffee franchise and the two families have a deal which is why you have the cafe inside the bookstores

we gonna give lwj some friends

as for wwx, his mother owned a bookstore, the burial mounds (why did she name it that?? idk she probably told bssr that she wanted to call it that as a joke and bssr tried to call her bluff so she ended up having to call it that a la suibian)

anyway he grew up with his mother and grandmother and they left the store to him (idk what happened to them?? maybe they just retired and are now travelling the world while wwx gets to have the bookstore)

now for the actual plot!!

lwj and wwx met on omegle an instant messaging site and now exchange emails. wwx goes by yiling patriarch and lwj goes by hanguang-jun bc we want that flavour

so they’ve been emailing for years and they never share any personal information - wwx knows that hgj has a pet rabbit but not hgj’s name or his job

as for the significant others?? idk let’s pretend they don’t exist.

wwx’s best friend nhs, who writes a column for so-and-so, always just comes over to his place and now he’s semi moved in and wwx isnt really sure why he’s here but he is.

lwj just vibes bc i can’t see him putting up with a patricia unless his uncle forced him to. even then he’d probably just be ~mysteriously~ gone while she’s home

maybe he has a really annoying pa who thinks its his job to come over and like make him breakfast. it’s su she,, it has to be

so wwx goes into work one morning and wen ning is waiting outside as he always is, ready for him to open and then like ten minutes later wen qing comes in and lastly granny wen comes in

why do they work together?? idk?? granny wen and bssr were close and so the wens and wwx kinda grew up as siblings? yeah i like that let’s go with that

so when cssr decided to go travelling wwx gets left with her store and he kinda knows how to run it but also he doesn’t have enough staff so he ends up hiring the wens (except granny who’s mostly there just to hang out with her family)

bonus: a-yuan always come to the shop after school and wwx gets to recreate the childhood he had with his mother with a-yuan. when the store closes wwx and a-yuan just twirl and twirl until they get too dizzy to stand up and then they lay on the floor and discuss their favourite book they’ve read this week. it’s very sweet

okay so the next day lwj gets to babysit his cousin/uncle/nephew/idk-how-they’re-related-person lan jingyi who is like eight or something?

they go out and hang at a festival and lwj does not buy him a goldfish bc i was very stressed by the way they treated the goldfish in the movie but he does get him balloons and a stuffed toy and plays all the games with him

eventually they’re walking back and see that the small bookstore near the new lan bookstore is hosting a story time so they go inside

lwj walks in and he’s immediately taken by the atmosphere of the store bc that place was absolutely beautiful and then he hears this voice and follows it around to the back of the store to see the most gorgeous man he’s ever seen in his life sitting on a kinda too small chair with a princess hat? cone? thing on top of his head

he’d planned to stay for like one story and then take jingyi home but he ends up staying for the entire book and it’s definitely not because the guy reading the book smiled at him once or twice

after the story time ends, lwj is reluctant to leave so he ends up letting jingyi pick a bunch of books and looks at a few fancy first edition books with wen qing

and maybe his mother used to love collecting books - the old ones with the yellowed pages and beautiful pictures - and that’s why lwj helps out with his family business,, bc he wants everyone to be able to have books like that (never mind that all their books are like mass produced and lack any sentimentality & the staff dont actually care about the books)

anyway he sees wwx help jingyi pick out books and lets him borrow his handkerchief when he sneezes and lwj’s like oh nooo he’s good with kids too so now he has to talk to him

so he goes up to buy the books and wwx’s telling jingyi about how much he likes daisies and lwj just blurts out “can i ask what your name is?” and wwx blinks but then smiles and is like i’m wei wuxian, but you can call me wei ying, and i own this store. what about you? and lwj is like wangji, you can call me wangji

wen qing takes one look at lwj and the way he’s staring at wwx and goes you’re going to come back aren’t you and lwj is trying so hard not to just run away so he just ignores her but then she mentions something about lan books and he’s Panicking and jingyi almost says that he’s a lan and lwj just kinda guides him over to a table and then goes back to flirt talk with wwx

anyway wwx ends up going on this big tangent about books and what they mean to people and the whole when you read a book as a child it becomes a part of your identity and who you’re going to become the way nothing else does (and lwj remembers his mother and her books) and then he apologises for going on and lwj is mentally going marry me, but he ends up calling wwx and his mother shameless

but it’s okay!! wwx & cssr are proud of it!

and then yada yada lwj buys the kinda expensive books and ends up awkwardly shepherding jingyi out of the store

cut to the next day when the lan book store opens properly and lwj ends up telling lqr about how he met wwx and lqr is like >:/ the son of that shameless woman,, how terrible,, it’s okay he won’t be a problem for long bc they’ll be driven out of business. which isn’t the response lwj wanted but lxc seems supportive enough if a bit concerned about how it would work with them as business enemies

business is already bad for wwx and it’s barely been a week since the lan store opened and he’s pretty bummed out but hopeful that maybe it’s a fluke

then nhs invites him to some fancy dinner with him bc wei-xiong they’re all so boring and smart and have opinions, please don’t make me have opinions so wwx gets dragged along

he ends up talking to lwj at the bar bc how could he not talk to the man who’s standing in front of all that fancy alcohol and getting some fruit juice. (he’d get water but lwj has had to put up with su she all evening so he needs something stronger)

anyway they chat and it’s pleasant but then after wwx gets approached by someone who’s like wow im surprised you’re talking to lan wangji and wwx is like lan?!

cue their passive aggressive argument around the food table complete with caviar and a turkey knife.

now bc it’s lan wangji,, instead of making scathing comebacks he just makes like factual and to-the-point statements that end up being really bitchy (or does he intend them to be that way? it’s a mix of both of them tbh but in this case he’s definitely being bitchy on purpose) and wwx is spluttering bc that boy does not stand up well against hot and mad people

nhs ends up coming over and defusing the situation but wwx makes a point of stealing the rest of the caviar off lwj’s plate before leaving

lwj ends up ducking out early as well to avoid su she and emails wwx that night at like 9:45 bc the guilt of being so rude kept him up late and yllz is like oh no that’s so sad ): but impressive! i wish i could zing people,, my brain just turns off the second i need to make a comeback

creative liberties,, wwx is good at teasing but not being genuinely mean? lets go with that

anyway now we get the delightful montage of wwx hiding behind cheese displays and lwj walking out of coffee stores with a newspaper covering his face as they try to avoid each other

when wwx gets in the wrong line at the supermarket lwj comes over and kinda glares the checkout woman into submission and gets her to let wwx use his card which wwx is really conflicted about bc why would he help me?? and once again angry lwj = hot lwj

a few weeks later wwx ends up asking hgj for help bc business isn’t getting any better but refuses to give any details and i refuse to have lwj watch the godfather so lwj just straight up messages him and is like tear that bitch apart

and so wwx decides to tear that bitch apart and asks nhs for help. nhs, fan of the arts and small businesses and local culture, is 100% down for it and writes a scathing article about lan books and how they’re destroying all the aforementioned things nhs cares about

it ends up getting a lot of traction and people show up to protest and wwx even goes on television

lwj ends up seeing the news coverage on the matter while he’s at the gym with jzx

jzx is 100% the guy who goes to the gym just to apathetically walk on the treadmill while lwj jogs

he sees the interview with wwx and lwj is like he’s not this nice in real life and jzx is like you met him?? and lwj is like mn. then jzx is like i bet he’s not as hot and lwj is completely silent but his ears are bright red and that’s how jzx knows that wwx is just that hot

also?? lwj goes on tv and says like three words and he’s kinda annoyed how the news decided to spin that but he also said like three words so what did he expect?

but, despite all the publicity, sales don’t get any better so wwx is like fine can we meet in person and lwj is like sure

he brings jzx along bc he doesn’t know the way there, it’s not because he’s nervous and kind of in love with yllz, it’s because he doesn’t know how to get to the cafe. (it’s two blocks from his apartment)

anyway jzx is like oof man it’s seems like yllz is wwx but he is that hot so not all is lost and lwj is like yikes no not happening im not going in but he also feels bad about standing wwx up so he ends up going in and sitting down in front of wwx

and lwj is like wei wuxian, all this publicity will do nothing to save your business and wwx is like lan wangji who do you think you are (or however that scene goes) but instead of lwj being asked to leave wwx decides he’s not gonna chicken out first so they end up spending like two hours having the most aggressive cup of coffee and chat he’s ever had

lwj is exhausted but he also refuses to give up

but then wwx spits something about how lwj is some cold, heartless suit who doesn’t actually care about or appreciate books so how can he possibly dare to think that he’s better than wwx and that hurts bc lwj had thought that he’d been doing exactly that so he leaves

anyway the next morning wwx is moping around the bookstore bc he didn’t get stood up, he swears. am i not cute enough he moans to wen qing and she’s like your hgj doesn’t know what you look like. but what about my personality? is that cute enough? and wen qing eventually manages to grit out that yes it is cute enough

wen ning comes in and is like are you okay? you got stood up? that’s good! your date might have been the rooftop killer xue yang! he got caught last night! and wwx is like i wish, i just got stood up like a chump

so they ignore each other for a few weeks bc wwx is very hurt and lwj doesn’t know what he’s going to say but wwx ends up caving and emails hgj about how guilty he feels and how even though wwx probably means nothing to lwj, he’s worried that maybe he did hurt lwj and also please hgj i still want to talk to you

now hgj never says a lot, he’s always really succinct and direct but this time he takes the time to write a proper apology. it’s not an explanation bc he doesn’t want to give this up, even if the yllz he thinks he loves is the wwx that he hates, but it is an apology

the next day wwx goes to lunch with granny wen and finally dares to ask her whether it would be okay to shut the store down. he doesn’t want, of course he doesn’t want to, but he doesn’t think he can afford to keep it open. granny just tells him that it’s okay and that if the time has come, the time has come

we don’t have to worry about wwx breaking up with anyone, so he just goes home and asks nhs if he can have some space and nhs quickly packs his stuff and goes home. as he stands in the doorway with his last box of stuff he tells wwx that he’s sorry and wishes he could help more and wwx sends him this tremulous smile but manages to hold it together until nhs leaves and then he cries and cries

the next day he goes back to work and tries to stay bubbly and cheery even as he sees all of his shelves slowly being emptied and people who haven’t stepped foot in his store in six months are telling him what a shame it is and how they wish it didnt have to come to this and wwx is internally screaming

he manages to stave off any actual screaming but when he closes up that day he ends up going to the children’s section of lan bookstore and just as he had thought, none of the staff care about the books, none of them know any books and he ends up recommending a series to some young mother

lwj, who’d spotted wwx and come over to see if whether he was here to pick a fight, comes to the awful realisation that maybe wwx is right about his store lacking heart

he goes home that night and su she tags along even though lwj just wants space and the elevator breaks. he’s sitting there on the ground listening to his neighbour talk about reconnecting with family and the elevator button pressing dude talks about getting engaged and su she is just there whining about his job and the inconvenience and lwj goes fuck this. when the elevator starts working again he grabs his rabbit and goes back down to the ground floor, ignores su she’s shouts, and goes back to his childhood home

wwx gets stuck closing his store down. he looks around at the shelves and tables he’d grown up with and sees his childhood and a-yuan’s and countless moments he’s had with people he’s loved and realises he’s going to lose it all forever. he grabs the bell, the last thing he has left of the store and closes up for the very last time

in the meantime, lwj is living the high life. he hangs out with his bunny, gets to read pride and prejudice for fun and actually manages to get all the way through it and then his brother comes to visit

apparently he’d broken up with jgy bc he was gold digger-esque and had decided to run off with someone richer and lwj is like oh thats so sad ): anyway nmj is right there and he fills your heart with joy and lxc is like have you ever had someone like that? and lwj immediately thinks of wwx and is like fuck

his first order of business is to buy wwx’s shop bc it broke my heart that she didn’t get it back in the og movie and he starts filling it with books again. he buys ten copies of his mother’s favourite books and places them on the shelf by the door and then he sees a book that reminds him of jingyi so gets some of them and he sees a book covered in daisies and thinks of wwx. and slowly, slowly he’s building up his own library, his own store, and this time every single book means something and for once lwj looks out across the floor with pride and satisfaction

his second order of business is to apologise to wwx for being a dick. he buys some daisies and goes to his place and comes in and cooks soup for wwx. lwj apologises and tells him it wasn’t personal and wwx is like that’s not true, it was personal to me and it’s personal to a lot of people and lwj understands that now. he remembers the way he’d filled wwx’s store and left his own touch and bared his heart through each of those books and he understands. he doesn’t actually say this and just tells wwx that he wants to be friends

lwj considers coming clean about being hgj but he knows now that he definitely loves wwx and knows that wwx currently hates him but damn is it hard not to say anything when wwx is telling him how much he loves hgj

anyway he’s like organise a meeting again with hgj

i’d say it’s ooc for lwj not to come clean but this is the man who pined for x decades and just didnt tell wwx that his son was alive so like not ooc at all

so lwj decides he’s going to woo wwx as best as he can and organises to meet up with yllz and then goes and meets with wwx and they end up going to hang out and for some strange reason, even though wwx keeps getting stood up, he doesn’t seem to care too much. he keeps agreeing to meet hgj and when he doesn’t show is more than happy to spend the rest of his day with lwj

and slowly, they start to get closer. wwx takes a sip of lwj’s coffee and lwj buys him daisies. wwx brings him an interesting book and lwj tells him about his mother. they chat freely about hgj and lwj is happy for the first time in a long time

eventually lwj organises the final meeting. wwx is really confused about the place he picked but he’s hopeful that maybe this time hgj will show. after wwx and lwj’s farmers market date ends, lwj ends up asking wwx if he could love lwj and wwx is like you put me in such an uncomfortable situation. ie stammering and blushing and eventually going oh no ill be late and running off

anyway a couple hours later wwx finds himself standing outside his old bookstore and he refuses to look at it bc he doesn’t want to see what it’s become but then, through the open door of the store, a bunny hops out and over to wwx

lwj comes running out after it calling out its name (bichen?? flopsy?? rabbit?? one of them) and wwx looks up and is like oh,, it’s you, i’d hoped it was you and he’s all teary and lwj has a handkerchief that he’d embroidered himself (with gentians of course) and he’s like dont cry yllz and then they kiss and it’s beautiful

bonus: lwj takes wwx inside the store and shows him everything and explains the meaning behind every book that they’ve picked and then wwx does cry for real bc there is definitely an entire two walls dedicated just to wwx

do they open the store as a bookstore again and work together? does wwx end up writing books?? idk up to you. i like the idea that they open the store for story time and sell children’s books but lwj still works with lan & sons to get some heart in their stores and wwx works on his own books in his spare time

#Anonymous #mdzs #modao zushi #mo dao zu shi #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #cql #the untamed #asks #thank you so much for the ask i had a lot of fun making this!#let me know if you'd like anything else!!

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lifeafterpsychiatry · 5 years ago

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Can I rant about somethin real quick? Also Im on my computer for once and idk how to do emojis so if the bunny emoji looks different than usual I am sorry. I was talking abt the NHS mental health service recently because my mental health and subsequent treatment takes up a lot of my life and is therefore quite important to me. And it feels like people really believe that u can't criticise the NHS at all because of it's minimal resources. 1/? 🐇

“Or that by somehow criticizing it you don't want the NHS to exist at all. Which isn't true, I owe the NHS for saving my life and I would absolutely not be here today without them because I wouldn't be able to afford treatment. However because so much of my functioning relies on treatment, I deal with the NHS a lot more, and it does have a lot of fucking issues, especially in mental health.

Like I know they're pressed for resources and that's not their fault. But what they CAN change is HOW they use those resources. Because they're really organised shittily. The thing that I was annoyed about is the child section of the mental health service has started to turn away kids who aren’t "sick enough" and I was talking about how that can fuck someone's mentality up and damage their recover for the rest of their life to be told that

And the person I was talking to was all "They don't have the resources and it's better to have that than nothing" which, actually no. It's better to have nothing than be told your problems and your mental health is somehow less significant, and it teaches kids that damaging cycle of having to come to Serious Fucking Harm to be treated like a person. That is NOT better than nothing.

And actually, they may not have enough resources. But if they reorganised they might not have such a big issue. Like, it costs less to give someone a 6 month therapy course at the start of their mental health deteriorating, as opposed to paying for the Emergency Room visit, paying for their bed on a psych ward, paying for the ICU, paying for the medical treatment they need there, and then paying for YEARS of specialist therapy.

Like, I get that they don't have the resources that they need, but if they reorganised those resources, and changed the mindset, they would probably not have to suddenly spend so much on a person. They're just causing more damage that they're going to lose more money on to fix the damage THEY CAUSED IN THE FIRST PLACE. I was fucked by that service and it just maddens me that people seem to think this is the Only Way it could be done.”

I have no experience with the NHS in particular, but there are very similar issues to be found in Danish psychiatry, so I completely agree and I relate a lot to all the problems you describe here. I’ve very recently talked about how it’s a major fucking issue that you’re expected to have a major breakdown before you can realistically access any kind of serious help and treatment for your mental health issues, so it’s unfortunately not just the NHS.

If only we reorganized the psych systems so that people could get help BEFORE they break down completely and will need months and years of intensive treatment, institutionalization and accommodations in order to get back on track, a lot of major breakdowns could be prevented and a lot of people wouldn’t ever need to reach the point of everything in their life falling apart.

It really sucks that psychiatry is not prioritizing early intervention more, cause a system which will only help people AFTER they have a major breakdown is basically pushing people towards having said major breakdown - and one would think that it would make more sense, both economically and socially, to help people before they reach the point of no return instead of waiting till their whole life falls apart and then spending years picking up the pieces.

#hospital tw #psych ward tw #medical neglect tw #anon #chat with kat

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haeroniel-doliet · 7 years ago

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gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now) and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it.

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now.

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it. i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess.

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have a ballet company idk.

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim.

#ballet an hobbies and thoughts and lots of things.#honestly noneed to read

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jimmynames · 4 years ago

Text

took me long enough..

I don’t know why I put this off, I was meant to write something along these lines on the 4th of July as I have done religiously for the last 4 years before.. but something felt different this year.. I feel different tbh.. where to start..

I guess from right now to as far close as the 4th as I can remember.. It’s been an incredible year.. I’ve learnt a lot, both in code and my self but now also music.. I’m growing and have grown as a person, man, individual.. it cost me some friends and even some shame along the way but tbh can’t change anything and it made me who i am today so /shrug emoji lol It’s odd this ‘growing up’ thing.. so many constraints implied by society as to what a 29 (now) (was 28 when i shoulda wrote this) man should be doing with his life.. thankfully I feel writing this now more so than say the 4th aligned with ideals within myself as to what maturity is and what I want rather than should be doing.. I guess I have a lot to say =}

I love you Dad, I miss you so much, it’s so cruel that I carry on growing and you can’t see it - althuogh I do believe you are watching, with your signs and whatever else idk could be a cope but still.. I am your son.. I feel it.. I see it.. I know it and it’s a wonderful feeling - to grow into the shadow and shine to cast my own in the image of yourself but inherently through my own agency and digression - myself. Quite the model to follow so thankyou with all my heart. Still looking forward to dying.. even completed the fucking motorbike mission but as it so happens I wasn’t as reckless as I intended and didn’t die - but instead I was safe and found a real desire to live.. sentiments remain about the alure of death but it’ll come in good time no doubt :D

This will, and happiness it’s the result of the past years work. I moved home around September and embarked on so many changes it’s unreal actually lol.. I lost mates, I started therapy.. I made some mistakes and I took accountability.. I discovered what real friendship is and who my real friends are.. still pains me to think of some friends who might not be friends but everyone’s human and as jeff said, a bitch ass ni***a so gotta account for people’s weaknesses as much as you consider their strengths.. jsut wish those that wronged me would consider the same for myself but we stay moving..

Therapy was amazing.. first I saw Kirsten and whilst she was good Laura really was the one.. shoutout the NHS.. processing some stuff and even just having a healthcare professional acknowledge my pain was theraputic..

I bought a motorbike and fixed it up.. proper took it apart, repaired , painted, put back together and then had the pleasure of speeding around and doing missions, cruises and what not all this year.. it was a sick project and an unforgettable journey.. there’s no cmd+z on a motorbike that’s all im saying.. it was sick to go from 0 to hero lol but like have an idea and execute it.. I do believe this is my power - execution and tennacity..

I told myself from the 1st of janurary 2020 i would label myself as an artist in whatever form or shape that takes.. I could of done nothing and I would still hold this true.. and I’m glad I did because I guess I started making art.. What’s cool is in doing so.. I starting producing more work, both in music and graphics.. I found myself friends and in circles I’d only ever consumed via soundcloud.. I even got invited to join a art crew and travelled to berlin to hang out with some artists.. shoutout n0_ZoN3 for real for real based group of people who aint into PC culture.. low key refreshing btu still decent human beings..

Erm so music =}}} I got into Hong Kong Radio!! Had dj collectives from around the world hit me up for mixes and made some super cool friends and connections.. started studying music theroy and even had a respectable musican say he’s seeing growth and musicality from myself in each and every release so that’s exciting.. I didn’t even know the word ‘musicality’ until then.. in the past year I kinda grounded myself.. I’m not a DJ I’m not a producer.. so don’t act like one :D but also I’m jsut a guy who has decks and knows some basics about ableton :)) and that’s al there is to it.. I share what I make when I feel proud of it and I stay learning.. we’ll see how far I get but tbh it’s not like ‘i uave to do this’ lol it’s just something im pationate about :) I’m sooo hapy and glad I got into it FINALLLY fuck sake james.. silly boy.. either way I’m a man now and all I can say is I’m discovering my sound through making beats and songs and I’m excited for the next year.. plan on getting piano lessons and just dedicating more time to it.. especailly when im living on my own omg.. just finishing work and spinning the decks no one else.. jsut you and the vibe.. yeah dreamy stuff.. and all of this ALL of this..

is soley possible because of CODE. my god. how grateful I am for it and myself for makign this deicison and begingin this path of learning and ‘development’’... it’s amazing how much it’s all entertwined.. everything.. from inception and conceptuation and delivering dreams into reality which seeps into that of other realsm like music and the motorbike.

okay so i spent the last two nights refactoring my code on my personal site as a means of exercising some redux knowledge - and I was successful :D feels so good to have had enough eureka moments at least to get some basics down.. just need a few more xp’s and should have it on lock.. fuck july 2019 was so long ago.. I built a VR world for a mix to celebrate one year in music.. should really record 2nd year soon :thinking-face: maybe new vr world :thinking-face: built some sites for businesses both indivudally and also as part of Verlay which is myself, Jacob and Jeff and Ari as consultant either way im running out of time becfore the year ends..

I’m happy

life is good

life is life

life is pain

I wrote some poems

I made some songs

I mixed some mixes

I fixed a bike

I moved home

I healed

I reconnected

I natured

I quit smoking

I became clean from drugs

I went to therapy

I swam every day for a while

I started the gym

I ate a lot

I grew up?

I got into skincare

I got into sleep

Im still me

I started telling people my name was james

i fell out with some friends

I made a lot of new friends

Im moving to glasgow

I’m excited for the future

like really excited..

like I can’t believe how lucky and happy I am

I miss you Dad so much more than words can evoke

I got closer with alex

I helped my siblings and i grew closer with my mum

2021

redux on lock

nick mills’ website

verlay ramp up efforts x deliverables

travel scotland

get full bike licence

get my own place

gym x gains

three.js

more react

more organisation

more chords

more midi

more music

more freedom

more self

more love

more life

shoutout the real ones

love to the closest and dearest

fuck the haters <3

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