when you're a new padawan and your new master gives you multiple concussions each day during training and the war starts ramping up and you have to answer some questions for life insurance
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raise y_our glass.
sypnosis. despite kaeya's whole... everything, blue is not the first colour that comes to mind when you think of him. in fact, it's quite the opposite.
. . .word count. 608
. . .warnings ⸝⸝ tags. gn!reader, fluff, use of one nickname: "dear", angst, major character death, hurt/no comfort, swearing, descriptive grief, lack of capital letters and correct grammar perhaps ahaha :(
blue is not the colour you think of when you think of kaeya.
you'd think you would (since he's a literal replica of berry & mint burst) but you don't. though, if you were to, you'd think of starsilver moons — the mark of your first kiss.
it's near the end of one of your many dates with the so-called charming and mysterious cavalry captain, you're both at windrise with a perfect view of cerulean, huddled under vanessa's tree only an angel's kiss apart.
you're dating but you're not dating, you know?
he's sent you countless letters wrapped in soft ribbon and calla lilies from starfell lake (you can tell because they smell fresher, lovelier and not like vomit — unlike calla lilies from springvale. ref: draff) that leave you giddy with clenched fists, flushed cheeks and a journal of newly pressed flora. AND you've treated him to enough after-rounds lunches at good hunter to make them routine!
…but you're not dating
… yet
fucking archons, you're absolutely infatuated with him.
regardless, after months of childish pining, he reaches for your hand, caressing it warmly (like it's natural to him???) creating goosebumps that tickle your skin. curse him for being so sly.
"i can hear your heart racing, you know?" he whispers, tracing hearts into your skin. it's one of his favourite hobbies nowadays, he says. you recall him shortening his nails.
"ha!" you bluff, "you're hearing things, captain. it's probably the wind"
"maybe. but they do say i have quite the hearing skills, dear." he replies, a smirk adorning his face. "and if my hearing serves me right - and i'd say it does - i'd deduce that you're in love with me."
lighthearted jesting is typical between you two but you can't stop the way your chest tightens, nerves heighten like a criminal caught red handed with bright red evidence smeared across your face.
"no- captain…" you lie unconvincingly, "i'm most certainly not-"
"well that's a shame then. because i'm most certainly in love with you"
chaos rumbles in your chest, threatening to spill, "…you're joking. kaeya alberich don't you dare joke with me, it's not funny-"
"i'm not." there's sincerity in the stars of his eyes that bleeds with the love in his chest. "i love you, name."
your heart rate increases. his hand drifts from your knuckles… to your arm… and finally-
"more than your favourite wine?"
you feel a mix of cool leather and rough skin on your cheek.
"more than my favourite wine."
and you don't doubt him. not when his lips prevent you from doing so and not when a blue moon means so much more to you now.
but blue is not the colour you think of when you think of kaeya.
you want to so, so bad. because sapphire is the colour of the gem on your finger and the sky on his days off but when you think of kaeya you think of stinging bloodshot eyes and salty tears.
his uniform is no longer blue: it's marred and mangled, tainted with disgusting maroon — a polar opposite to the mocking ivory snow that surrounds him. and you feel vile. angry. fucking pathetic, like a blade that's been sheathed and twisted in your gut to make its stay permanent while you...just let it happen.
your nose is filled with iron, instead of wood and dragonspine has never felt any colder.
so you can't think of blue when you think of kaeya…not when a bloody crimson was the colour of the setting sun that day.
and not when it was the colour of his favourite wine — the same wine you raise a glass of behind mondstadt's cathedral.
masterlist! ⸝⸝ genshin masterlist!
notes. . . get it? cuz his favourite wine is death after noon ahahaha... n e wayz, first written post yipeee!!! blame huh yunjin, keshi and thai life insurance ads for this post :)
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