#interview with Josh Silver

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

Type O Negative interviewed on The Headbangers Ball in 1994

[vanalex]

Kerrang! interview 'truth or dare' with the drab four in December 1999. Enjoy!

[october-crust]

1994 Interview with Josh Silver and Peter Steele

[oh-so-negative]

Josh Silver Kerrang interview

[alwaysonthemend]

Falling, fallen | JTK

Author's Note: Hey guys! I’m so sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted. I have a full time job and I’m in school so sometimes I get a little behind. I hope the length of this one makes up for the wait. The next thing I post will be the next chapter of Light My Love. Thank you to all of you who have reached out about that fic and I’m so sorry it's taking so long. As usual, this is unbeta'd so sorry for any mistakes.

Summary: You’re the best damn manager that Greta Van Fleet has ever had. You’re always on top of things, you never miss a beat, and shows run smoother than they ever have before. In fact, everything would be perfect if one of the band members hadn't decided to hate you for no reason. Jacob Kiszka despises you. And no matter how hard you try to be nice to him, he’s always just dismissive and rude. After countless little instances of Jake being an asshole to you, you decide that it might be time for a career change. Little do you know, your choice might lead to some unforeseen consequences. 

Content Warnings: Arguing, swearing, p in v sex, unprotected sex, fingering, oral (f. receiving) oral (f. receiving) 18+ MINORS DNI

Word Count: 10573

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Being Greta Van Fleet’s manager is both the worst job you’d ever had and the best one. On the one hand, the boys are the most chaotic and hard to manage group of people you’d ever met. They were perpetually late to everything – becoming so frequent it was almost as if they were trying to not be on time. They rarely listen when someone else tries to tell them anything, preferring instead to always do things their way (no matter how many times it backfires on them). And each member was so incredibly particular about how they liked things – and were similar to frustrated little kids when things don’t work out. To put it simply: they’re exhausting. 

But at the same time, they were all some of the kindest people you’ve ever met. They took you in; Josh immediately doing his damn best to make you feel included, Danny always there to give you comforting words of encouragement, and Sammy always making you laugh when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed. They’re practically saints; and despite being so hard-headed, they do their best to not make your job more difficult than it already is. Just last week Josh had comforted you for almost an hour after you had accidentally overbooked a weekend of interviewers, scheduling two within the same time slot. He’d reminded you that being human meant making mistakes and that it’s totally okay to make them. And he’d also made sure to mention that you’re damn good at your job and one little mistake didn’t change that. You’d been able to fix the overbooking pretty easily and you both had laughed at your panic after the fact. 

In fact, every single person you’d interact with that is a part of the Greta Van Fleet team treats you like you’re family – well, everyone except one. Jake. Jacob Kiszka had avoided you like the plague after your very first meeting. He’d walked into the conference room clad in a black shirt unbuttoned down to his stomach and a pair of white slacks with silver necklaces falling to rest on his tanned chest.. Dark sunglasses were covering his eyes (despite not needing them inside). He’d walked in with an air of complete and utter control, and you’d immediately bristled as he took a seat. After the introductions had been made and all the paperwork and business discussed, you’d approached him to try and introduce yourself personally. You’d managed to meet all of the other members right off the bat and you wanted to extend the same to him – despite how uncomfortable he made you feel. 

“Hi!” You’d stuck your hand out to him. “I’m y/n. I’m really looking forward to working with you!” You had plastered your most welcoming smile you could muster as you waited for his response. He looked you up and down before taking your hand in his. His fingers had been warm and you could feel the callouses on them as he shook your hand. 

“I know. They introduced you earlier. And you know who I am.” His words held no malice in them, nor anger or frustration. The only emotion he’d met you with was the absence of any at all. Indifference, complete and utter indifference. He dropped your hand and left the room without another word, and without so much as a glance back in your direction. You’d just stood there, jaw hanging open as you watched his retreating form. 

“Sorry about him.” Josh had said, coming to stand beside you. “He isn’t the best at meeting new people or small talk.” 

“No kidding.” You huffed, eyes still trained on the door he’d just left. 

“Give him time.” Josh squeezed your shoulder and gave you a smile. “He’ll come around.”

But he hadn’t. In fact, it seemed that Jake’s dislike for you only intensified as time went on – despite your best efforts to become at least slightly friendly with him. It seemed like the closer you got with the other bandmates, the colder he grew towards you. It frustrated you beyond measure. Everyone liked you. You pride yourself on being able to find common ground with just about anyone, and you ‘d be lying if you said that you weren’t damn good at getting people to like you – no matter who they are. But Jake remained untouchable. He was the only one that you knew practically nothing about. 

It didn’t take long after that first meeting for you to become very close with Josh. It was almost unbelievable to you that they’re twins. They’re so completely unalike. Sure, their mannerisms were strikingly similar and their facial expressions were one and the same – but beyond appearances, their personalities were like night and day. 

“Josh?” You had asked, about a month into working with them. 

“What’s up, y/n?” He’d replied cheerfully, glancing up from his notebook to look at you. 

“Why does Jake hate me?” You asked, dramatically falling into the chair across from him. “No matter what I do, he won’t give me anything. Not even his damn facial expression will change. I don’t get it.” You closed your eyes and laid your head back in defeat. 

Josh chuckled at your theatrics. 

“He doesn’t hate you. He’s just…” He trailed off, lightly tapping his chin with his forefinger. “I actually have no fucking clue.”

You groaned and rose from your place across from him and took a seat on the arm of Josh’s chair. 

“I hate it. Everyone likes me.”

“Look, y/n. Jake is just… Jake. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

You paused for a minute, watching as Josh absentmindedly doodled. 

“I’m gonna make him like me if it’s the last thing I do.” You declared suddenly, filled with a new sense of determination. 

“Oh, God. Here we go.” Josh sighed, placing his pencil down. “Why can’t you just let it go?” 

“Because everyone likes me. And I’ll be damned if I let Jacob Kiszka be the one to ruin my track record.” 

Josh just shook his head at you. 

Step one of your plan was to go out of your way to be nice to Jake, even when he would inevitably try to dismiss you. You’d seen him interact with his brothers and Danny and so you knew that he could be sweet. You just had to figure out why he wouldn’t act like that around you. 

Your first opportunity arose one morning about a week after your conversation with Josh. You had awoken early – far earlier than you alarm, and so you had some time to yourself before you had to start rounding up the boys from their separate hotel rooms. You’d gone down to the lobby to treat yourself to a quiet breakfast, away from the craziness that promised to fill the rest of your day. The boys had a show tonight and you had to deal with hotel checkout since they were flying out that very same night to a different city. You entered the breakfast area to see Jake sitting alone in the far corner, nursing a cup of coffee. He glanced up at you as you entered and you waved happily at him before making your way over to his table. 

“Morning, Jake!” You said as cheerily. “Do you mind if I sit here with you?” 

He glanced at you over his sunglasses, assessing your smiling face as you waited for his response. 

“If you’d like.” He said simply, looking back down at his phone. You frowned at his lack of interest but brushed it off and took a seat. 

“Did you sleep well?” You asked, giving him the most genuine smile you could. 

“Yes.” He answered, short and curt. You waited for him to say more – he didn’t. 

“Are you excited for the show tonight? I know I am.”

He sighed and looked up from his phone again at you. He looked annoyed, but you tried to not let your disappointed show on your face at his clear disinterest in talking to you.

“Mm hm.” 

The table fell into awkward silence. You couldn’t think of anything else to add. As you sat there, racking your brains for something else to say to try and get a conversation going, Jake rose from his seat abruptly. 

“I’m going back to my room.”

“Oh!” You said, taken aback. “Okay. I’ll see later!” But he was already walking away, again refusing to spare you even a passing glance backwards.

“Fuck.” You said to yourself, grimacing. That hadn’t worked at all. 

You kept trying as the weeks went by, trying everything you could think of to get him to stop acting like he hated you. You tried bringing him coffee to his hotel room, ordering his favorite foods for meetings, you’d tried asking him about his guitar, or what his favorite city to visit was. You had tried everything and were quickly running out of ideas. Everything you did was met with stony indifference and clipped responses. 

Things didn’t start to escalate until after you approached him after a show one night to congratulate him on a wonderful performance. 

“You did awesome out there, Jake! Like always!” You said as he walked into the greenroom, sweaty and chest heaving with the exertion of the night. Your eyes couldn’t help but to stare as a drop of sweat rolled down his throat and dripped down onto his chest. 

“Thanks.” He started to walk away but you called out to him. 

“Wait!” 

He turned to you sharply at your raised voice. You hadn’t meant to call out that loudly but you weren’t backing down now. 

“Why are you such an asshole to me?” You asked, sudden confidence flowing through you. You watched as his nostrils flared and he opened his mouth to say something before suddenly closing it again. He took a deep breath. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, y/n.” He said, voice calm and cold. 

“Bull shit.”

“Goodnight, y/n.” He said, turning his back to you and walking away. You stood there for a long moment, rage flowing through you.

“So,” Josh said loudly, startling you from your anger fueled reverie. “Operation Make Jake Not Hate You doesn’t seem to be going very well, huh?” He looked smug. He too was sweaty from the show and you could feel the warmth of him radiating from his skin in waves. 

“Oh shut the fuck up, Joshua. I fucking give up.” You threw your hands up angrily in defeat. “If he’s so determined to hate me so much for no fucking reason, fine! I hate him too!” 

And with that, you stormed off, blood pressure only rising more as you heard Josh laughing loudly at you as you stomped away. 

True to your word, Operation Make Jake Like You turned into you just trying to ignore him back. You still managed to maintain professionalism, managing his needs and making sure things were done correctly for him – but other than that, you tried to remain friendly with him without pushing for anything more. Instead, you took to hanging out with the other guys in between shows and during the day. And you started spending more and more time with Josh. The two of you had a lot in common, sharing many of the same favorite songs and artists and you both loved to laugh. Josh was so easy to be around and he quickly became your closest friend amongst the boys. You spent lots of time together when your schedules allowed for it, and your little obsession with Jake finally stopped consuming your every thought. He still gave you a cold shoulder, but you tried to stop letting it bother you. It still stung, everytime he dismissed you, but you grew used to it.

Life moved on and your job quickly became a whole lot smoother than it had been at the start. You knew the ins and outs of handling the boys and it took a lot to throw you off now. Things were running smoothly and efficiently – better than they ever had before with other management. Danny had told you as such one night, as you all had been relaxing at a small little downtown bar. You all had a free night and everyone wanted to take advantage of it. 

“I’ve gotta say y/n, I think you’re the best manager we’ve ever had.” Danny said, catching the attention of everyone else. 

“I absolutely, wholeheartedly agree, Danny.” Josh said, giving you a grin. 

“A toast?” Sammy asked, raising his glass to the middle of the table.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” Josh confirmed as he and Danny raised their glasses as well. 

“To the best damn manager we’ve ever had!” Josh yelled and the three of them clinked their glasses with yours. 

You laughed and blushed, touched by their kindness. 

“Isn’t that right, Jake?” Josh asked, turning towards his twin who had remained completely silent. 

“Oh yes. The best.” He said, his usual indifference melting away into plain bitchiness. 

Danny, Sam, and Josh stared at him, all taken aback by the sarcasm dripping from his words. 

“You know, if you have such a problem with me, why don’t you just come out and say it to my face, Jacob.” You said darkly, venom lacing your own words. 

“Hey, look guys. Why don’t we just-”

“Shut up, Sam.” Jake said, slamming his glass down. “Maybe I do have a fucking problem with you.” 

“Oh yeah? What’s the fucking problem, then?” You spat, rising from your seat to glare at him. 

“Y/n…” Josh hedged, sensing the impending blow out that had been months in the making. 

“Tell me what the problem is, Jake? I have been nothing but nice to you since the day we met. What could I have possibly done to make you hate me so much?”

Jake rose from his seat too, slamming his palms down on the table. Your raised voices were drawing looks from everyone else at the bar.

“My problem, y/n,” He said, and he spat your name out like it tasted terrible, “is that you’re fucking annoying. You won’t leave me the fuck alone. I’m so sorry that I don’t fall for your obnoxious need to always try and be fucking sunshine and rainbows all the god damned time. You can’t stand that I just don’t like you.” He said the last part slowly and cruelly, eyes blazing from across the table. 

“And I’m sorry that you’re so fucking miserable that you can’t stand it when the people around you aren’t!” You shouted, and Danny rose from his seat to put a placating hand on your shoulder. You jerked out of his grip angrily. “You are such a dick, Jake! All I’ve ever tried to be with you is nice. But you dismiss me like I’m a child! I’m sick of it!”

“Alright, enough!” Josh shouted, rising from his own seat. “Both of you, that’s enough!” 

Embarrassment over your outburst flooded you suddenly, making your cheeks grow warm. Jake seemed to also have the decency to at least look embarrassed himself. 

“I’m going to my room.” Jake said, voice cold and very clearly still angry. “Don’t fucking wait up.” And with that, he stormed away. 

You collapsed back into your seat and put your head in your hands, a headache slowly beginning to form behind your eyes. 

“Hey,” Danny said, placing his hand back on your shoulder, “just ignore him, y/n. He’s not worth it.”

“I just don’t get what I did to make him hate me!” You cried, hating the way your eyes were filling with tears. 

“You didn’t do anything. He’s just Jake.” Josh said softly, before taking a sip of his drink to calm his nerves. He hated seeing the two of you fight: his twin and his best friend. He hated it so much. 

“He’s just an asshole, nothing else to it. He likes being grumpy. I honestly think he gets off on it sometimes.” Sam said, and his statement made you laugh quietly despite yourself. 

“Thanks, guys.” You said, taking a large gulp of your bourbon. 

The conversation moved on and you allowed yourself to forget your argument with Jake, doing your very best to shove your hurt down into the deepest recesses of your brain. You weren’t going to let him ruin your night any more than he already had. 

Once you all had finished eating and goodbyes were said, you slowly trudged your way to your hotel room, wishing suddenly that you were back home in your own bed. You loved traveling all around with them, but the night's events were making you yearn to be home. You got ready for bed as quickly as you could, hoping to try and get some good sleep since the boys would be performing tomorrow – show days are always exhaustingly chaotic. 

But no matter how long you lay there, sleep continued to evade you. Your thoughts were swirling with Jake’s words, and you couldn’t get his angry face out of your head. Him calling you annoying had hurt – more than you would ever admit out loud. Normally, you’d usually be able to ignore someone else’s jabs at you; but for some reason, Jake’s dislike of you made your chest ache. Well… you knew why it bothered you so much – and you hated yourself for it. 

Despite the months of clipped words and cold glares, you’d unfortunately found yourself with a crush. More than a crush, if you were being completely honest with yourself. He was attractive of course, but you had also watched him interact with everyone else enough to see that he was actually a really nice guy. He was sweet and thoughtful, always going out of his way to make sure others felt comfortable. He was always humble, no matter how many sold out arenas he played in – and he would still blush when fans came up to him in public. You had fallen for the version of Jake that he never let you get to experience. And that’s what hurt you the most: the fact that he wasn’t really an asshole – he just truly didn’t like you. You were embarrassed for not realizing it sooner. All these months you had spent trying to get to know him and talk to him, you’d just been making yourself look like a fool. An annoying fool, apparently. You vowed to yourself, laying there that night, that you’d do your very best to stay out of his way. No more attempts at conversations, no more smiles or waves when he entered the room. Hell, you’d even try to start sitting out the aftershow outings with the boys. You’d continue being the best damn manager they’d had, but you’d keep your distance. 

The following day was filled with rushing around as you made sure everything was ready for the show. You were at the arena all day, checking with sound and the tech people, so it had been easy to keep your distance. By the time the show started, you were exhausted but proud with how smoothly things had gone. You watched them play from off the side of the stage, tucked into the shadows. Josh’s vocals were incredible – as always, and he’d sent you several smiles and winks as the show progressed. Sam and Danny were flawless, of course. They were the backbone of the band and they never failed to deliver. Jake was utterly transfixing on stage. It was hard to look away from him as he played, but you did your best to put your focus elsewhere. 

Everything was going great until the third to last song of the set when you noticed Jake frantically gesturing to one of the backstage workers. You squint your eyes to try and see what was wrong. He was gesturing wildly in a manner that’s so reminiscent of Josh that you almost smile. The rest of the boys are sending concerned glances back at him. He’s not playing the guitar. Sam starts a bass solo to try and cover for Jake, but you can tell that they’re growing more concerned. Finally, another tech person runs over to the back corner of the stage where Jake is with another one of his guitars in hand, He quickly swaps it out before running back to his place on stage. Sam finishes his solo – met with thousands of screams from the audience, and you think that it’s safe to assume that few of them noticed whatever just happened. The tech guy walks past you swiftly and you see the cause of Jake’s anger: a string had snapped on his number one guitar – on stage no less. You turned your eyes back to Jake to see him playing again, and this time you could see the anger oozing from him. His playing had turned downright nasty as he vented his frustration out through his music. You looked away, unable to watch his sinful movements. 

The rest of the show went great, and they closed it out to the screams of their fans as they walked off stage to go change. There was no doubt in your mind that they’d be going to a bar – Jake would probably insist. You went about finishing up all you had to for the night, and you made sure to go and find the worker who had brought Jake his other guitar so you could thank him for his swiftness. He’d given you a huge smile, shocked that you’d sought him out. 

“Hey, y/n!” You heard Danny call, just as you were beginning to gather up your things to leave. He had changed into a pair of black skinny jeans and a sleeveless band tee. “We're gonna go out for drinks. Coming with?”

You shook your head and gave him a sad smile. 

“Not tonight, Danny. I’m going to head back to my room.”

“Why? You always come with us.” He gave you a pout, and you wanted so badly to cave and go with them. But no. You’d made a promise to yourself. 

“Jake had a bad night tonight, Danny. I could practically see how mad he was up there. He deserves to go unwind. Me being there isn’t going to help that.” 

Danny sighed. 

“Y/n… come on.” 

“It’s true!” You insisted, slinging your bag over your shoulder. “He hates me. He thinks I’m annoying. And I have been annoying. I’ve been trying to force him to like me without thinking about how it must have been making him feel.  My job is to make your lives easy, not to make them more difficult.”

“I really don’t think you make his life more difficult, y/n. You haven’t done anything wrong.” Danny said, and the sympathy in his voice made you want to cry. You could feel your eyes welling with tears for the second night in a row. 

“Thank you, Danny. But I’ve made my decision… And I think it’s the right one.” You sniffed and swiped a hand under your eyes in an attempt to hide your tears from him. “You guys have fun.” 

You walked away quickly, leaving Danny to watch you go with sad eyes. 

The next few shows went about the same (though thankfully without any guitar mishaps for Jake). The boys would go out to celebrate, and you would politely decline to go with them. You’d asked Danny to keep your earlier conversation to himself, and he’d begrudgingly agreed to do so. 

“You can’t just shut yourself away because you think his opinion about you is the end all be all.” He’d said, eyes once again filled with sorrow for you. 

“It’s okay, Danny. Really. I was becoming too unprofessional with you guys, anyway.”

“That’s ridiculous, and you know it.” 

“Can we please just drop it.” 

And Danny did. The tour continued on, and you slowly distanced yourself from the boys. You kept things running smoothly from afar, and you did your best to stay away – no matter how much you missed them. 

Josh had grown increasingly more concerned for you, begging you to tell him what had changed. You’d just shake your head, telling him that you were just too tired or had work you needed to catch up on. It only took him a month to call your bluff though. 

“This is all about Jake, isn’t it?” 

The two of you were sitting in your hotel room after he’d insisted he follow you up to “catch up.” You’d allowed it, as you’d been missing hanging out with him terribly. 

“What’s about Jake?” You asked, trying to keep your voice as innocent as possible. 

He rolled his eyes. 

“You suddenly avoiding hanging out with all of us. It’s because of what Jake said that night, right?” 

You sighed. There was no way you could lie to him. He knew you too well and you were tired of putting on a brave face. You let your shoulders slump and your face fall. 

“I just wish I knew what I did wrong.” You said quietly, voice wavering as you fought back tears. You were so tired of crying over Jake Kiszka. 

“Hey, hey.” Josh walked quickly over to sit next to you on the bed. “Y/n, come on. Don’t cry.” 

Your face crumpled as the hurt that you’d been hiding for weeks finally bubbled to the surface, spilling over your cheeks. 

“I’m sorry.” You said through your tears, feeling stupid for crying like this to him. He was your best friend, sure. But he was still your boss at the end of the day. This was so unprofessional of you. 

“Don’t apologize, okay?” He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and you buried your face in his chest. He was warm and smelled good, and all you could think about was how much you wished you’d fallen for him instead of Jake. “Why are you letting him get to you so much, sweetheart? Normally, you’d kick someone’s ass for talking to you like he did.” 

You just shook your head, shame filling you as you thought about your stupid feelings. 

“It’s just different with him, Josh. I can’t help it.” You took a steadying breath, trying to get yourself back under control. You sat up from him and ran a hand through your hair. It was silent for a long moment. 

“Oh.” Josh said, a sudden sadness coming over his face. “Damn it, Jake.” He sighed, pinning you with sad, sympathetic eyes. 

“What?” You asked, confusion written clearly across your face. 

“All that time you spent obsessing over trying to get him to open up to you, the way you made it your mission to become his friend… I can’t believe I didn’t realize before.” 

Your heart was pounding with dread. There’s no way he’d just figured it out, right? There’s no way you’d been that obvious. 

“What are you talking about?”

He was looking at you like you were a tragedy. You hated it. 

“You like him, don’t you? Like, as in more than a friend?”

You turned away, face burning with shame. Josh reached out and turned your head back to face him. A fresh wave of tears leaked from your eyes. 

“I can’t help it. I tried to make it stop. But I just can’t help it.” You cried, and a loud sob worked its way through your chest. You were shaking. 

“We can’t help who we fall for.” He said quietly. “I’m sorry, y/n. I don’t know what to tell you.” 

“There’s nothing to say, Josh.” You muttered, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand. “I’ve been thinking,” you hedged, suddenly afraid to tell him what you’d been planning for after the tour, “after this last leg of the tour, I’ll probably ask my boss to have someone else transferred to you guys to take my place. I don’t think me staying is a good idea.” 

“Y/n, no!” Josh exclaimed, and the sudden rise in volume made you startle slightly. “The rest of us love you! You’re our friend!” he cried, gripping your shoulders tightly. “And you really are the best manager we’ve had. Things have been going so amazing since you joined us!” 

“Josh, I’m sorry but I just can’t do this. Jake’s unhappy, I’m unhappy. It’s best if I leave.” 

“You’ve been thinking about this for a while, then?” He asked, voice falling quiet again. 

“I have.”

“There’s nothing I can say to change your mind.” It’s not a question. He knows there isn’t. 

“No. There’s not. I’m sorry.” 

He sighed, and for a moment you’re afraid that he’s angry with you. But then he reaches over and pulls you into a tight hug. 

“I understand, y/n. It’s okay.” 

You could sob at the feeling of relief that washes over you. 

“But you have to stay in contact with the rest of us. You have to.” He said, pulling away from you and pinning you with a serious look. “Promise me.”

You giggled. 

“I promise.”

Time seemed to fly by as the end of the tour drew nearer, and before you knew it, there was only one show left. Emotions were high in the greenroom backstage as they all prepared to go out one last time, and there was a lingering sadness in the air as you had let Danny and Sam know that you wouldn’t be coming back for the next tour. They’d both been crestfallen at your choice, but hadn’t pushed you to give a reason why. Deep down, you were pretty sure that they already knew. 

“Good luck guys. You’re gonna kill it, like always.” 

“Thanks, y/n.” Sam said, wrapping his long arms around you tightly. You gave him a squeeze before letting go. 

“It’s all for you tonight, y/n! Thank you for everything.” Danny said, also coming up to give you a hug. You smiled and buried your face in his shoulder, breathing in his scent. 

“Thank you, Danny.” You said quietly as he pulled away. 

Josh came up next. He stared at you for a long moment, a sad smiling gracing his lips. He finally hugged you too. 

“You deserve to be happy.” He whispered in your ear, just loud enough for you to hear. 

“Thank you.” You said, “For everything.” He gave you a grin. 

“Well, boys,” He said, turning to the guys, “We ready?” They all nodded in excitement and you watched them go with a proud smile. Your smile quickly dropped though as you realized that Jake was still standing there. You looked at him, confusion and trepidation clear on your face. 

“Good luck, Jake.” You said quietly, dropping your eyes to look at your feet. You couldn't bear to look at him.

“Y/n,” he said, taking a step towards you. 

“Two minutes!” You heard someone call. You didn’t say anything as you waited for him to finish. 

“Could we… talk? After the show tonight?” He asked, and his voice was the softest you’d ever heard it directed to you. 

“Um. Sure?” 

He nodded his head curtly. 

“Good. Perfect.” He walked towards where the rest of his bandmates had gone, stopping momentarily to look back at you. “Thanks.” 

It felt like your entire nervous system was on fire. Jake’s words had been so unlike him – soft, unsure. You felt like your head was in a washing machine, spinning around in all directions with no end in sight. You knew he probably felt guilty. Despite not liking you, you know that he’s a nice enough person to feel bad for being the reason that you’re leaving – any decent person would. And you know that Jake is far more than just decent. You just wish that things had been different. 

You stayed in the green room, doing your best to distract yourself with your phone. You scrolled through every social media feed you had and still time seemed to drag on. You got up and wandered around aimlessly, cleaning things that weren’t your job to clean and tidying things that weren’t untidy to begin with. You tried humming to yourself and singing songs, but your stomach was in complete knots. By the time the show was finished, you were already exhausted. 

It wasn’t long before Jake entered, and you rose from where you had collapsed onto the sofa. 

“Hi.” You said, taking him in. He was sweaty – his usually soft hair was damp and messy. He’d changed from his stage outfit into a pair of dark jeans and a cream colored button down (with his signature look of only having two buttons actually done up). His silver coin necklaces rested against his tan chest. 

“Hey.” His voice had that softness to it still – completely unlike the Jake that you had come to know. “Can we go somewhere? To talk? Preferably somewhere where the others won’t barge in on us.”

“There’s a work room down the hall that no one’s using. I ate lunch there earlier.” 

He nodded, turning towards the door. You followed swiftly, your purse clutched tightly in your hand. You passed the other guys as you made your way towards the spare room and your cheeks flamed as you and Jake walked by them. You ignored their questioning eyes as they watched you and Jake, no doubt shocked to see the two of you walking together. Your eyes met Josh’s briefly as you left, and your cheeks flamed an even darker shade of crimson as he gave you a knowing smirk. 

You pointed towards the door of the spare room and Jake nodded, walking up to it and pushing it open. Sure enough, it was completely empty. The sign on the door said “Staff Only,” and you had only stumbled across it because you had wanted to eat somewhere where the others couldn’t bother you. You had needed some time to just exist by yourself, and the spacious room had been perfect. 

Now, standing there with Jake, it felt suffocating. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. His presence was overwhelming. You could smell him from where you stood – a blend of his natural musk and a hint of vanilla. You wanted to cry. 

“You’re probably wondering why I asked you to talk to me…” Jake finally hedged, breaking the silence that has descended over the two of you. 

You scoffed. 

“Yeah. I’m shocked, honestly.” Your words came out sharp and you winced slightly. You weren’t trying to start another fight with him. But he’d hurt you. Badly. 

“Yeah.” He sighed and looked down at his feet. “The guys said that you aren’t coming back for next tour.” 

“I’m not. I don’t really feel all that welcome here anymore.” You bit out, and Jake was the one to wince this time. The anger from that night at the bar was suddenly coming back, and you wanted so badly to slap the shit out of him. “I’m sure you were happy to hear the news.”

Jake looked away. 

“Not really.” 

“You don’t have to lie. I know you fucking hate me.” You huffed and took a seat on the sofa that was shoved into the corner. 

“I don’t hate you.” He sounded defeated, and there was a small, mean little part of you that was delighted to hear that tone from him. Like he was finally feeling how he had made you feel for all that time. 

“Could have fooled me.” 

He sighed again, and suddenly he looked so much older than he had a moment ago. His shoulders were slumped and you almost wanted to reach out and comfort him. But you didn’t. You crossed your arms and stared at him expectantly. 

He seemed to sense that you weren’t going to say anything else. 

“Can I sit?” He gestured at the empty spot next to you. 

“Sure.” 

He took a seat. You could feel the warmth radiating off him. It was silent for a long moment. You, unwilling to say anything else and Jake unable to find the words. 

“Well?” You asked, pinning him with an impatient glare. “I’m here. If there’s actually a point to this conversation please say it so I can leave.” You know you’re being unfair. He’s clearly working up to trying to apologize but you can’t find it in yourself to care. You’ve spent so long letting him make you feel like you’re less than, and for once you finally have the upper hand. 

“I’m sorry.”

That stops your thoughts in their tracks. You’d expected him to beat around the bush, to give an excuse, to say you’re overreacting. A straight up, no nonsense apology had been the last thing you were expecting. 

“What?” You couldn’t help but to ask, incredulity evident in your tone. 

“I’m sorry for being such a dick.” You stare at him – searching for any traces of a lie. You find none. There’s only a sad truthfulness reflected in his brown eyes. “You haven’t done anything to deserve how I’ve treated you. I’m sorry. I don’t have an excuse.”

You let his words sit heavy between the two of you for a moment. You’re at a loss. He doesn’t have an excuse, and you have no idea what to say back to him. 

“Thank you.” You finally breathe out, voice quiet and unsure. 

“You don’t have to leave.” He says, voice equally reserved in the odd tension. “I’m sorry I made you feel like that’s the best choice. You’re a good manager. It’ll be hard for us to find a good enough replacement.” He looks down at his hands. He’s fiddling with them, picking at the skin of his thumbs the way he often does when he’s lost in thought. You’d watched him do it on numerous occasions.

“I don’t really know what to say to you, Jake. You really hurt me. I…” You stop yourself, unwilling to let him see how deeply his words and actions had cut you; unwilling to show him how weak he had made you. 

“You don’t have to say anything. You don’t owe me anything. But I do want to ask you to stay.” 

Rage fills you suddenly, so sudden and sharp that your vision seems blurry as your blood pressure rises at his words. 

“How fucking dare you.” You seethe, teeth clenched as you think about all that he’s done. “I tried so hard to be nice to you. I wanted your approval so fucking badly. I let you make a fool out of me. How fucking dare you to ask me to stay now?” Your voice got louder and louder as you spoke, and Jake’s eyes widened at your sudden change in demeanor. “Fuck you, Jake Kiskza. That’s all I have to say.” You rose suddenly with the intent to get the hell out of there when he too rose to his feet. 

“That’s not fucking fair, y/n!” He yelled, hands clenched at his sides. “I’m trying to apologize, here. You don’t have to throw it right back in my fucking face!” 

“Hurts doesn’t it. Trying to be nice, only for the person to throw it back in your face?” 

Jake rolls his eyes and scoffs. 

“I’m getting the fuck out of here. Jesus Christ.” You cry, turning back towards the door. 

“Yeah. Go cry to Josh, like you always do.” 

His words feel like a bucket of ice water has been dumped on you.

“What?” You ask lowly, turning back around to look at him. He’s got his shoulders pushed back, defiance glittering in his eyes. 

“I said, go cry to Josh. Just like you always do.” 

“What in the ever living fuck,” you growl, stepping back towards him so that your chests are flush, “is that supposed to mean.” 

He looks down at you and you can practically see the anger radiating off him. 

“It means that I’m tired of watching you following him around like a kicked puppy. He’s not interested by the way, in case you were wondering.” A smug smirk paints its way across his lips and you want so badly to slap it off him again. 

“What on Earth makes you think I want anything like that with Josh?”

“Oh please,” he rolls his eyes, “I’m not fucking blind. You want him – you’re always hanging out with him, hugging him, touching him. It’s pathetic.” 

“And so what if I do want him?” You ask, blood practically boiling. “Why do you fucking care what I do with someone else?”

“I don’t. I don’t give a flying fuck what you do, y/n!” He shouts. The two of you stare at each other, both of your chests heaving as you practically square the other up. His face is twisted in anger – but there’s something else there, hidden in his eyes. It’s not anger. 

Holy shit. 

“Are you fucking jealous?” Your voice is high and shaky, and you watch as his eyebrows shoot to his hairline at your question. 

“Are you insane? I’m not jealous. Jesus, what the fuck?” 

There’s a defensiveness in his tone now, and he’s suddenly looking anywhere on your face but your eyes. 

“You are. You’re jealous. Jealous because you think I want Josh.” You don’t pose it a question because you know. You can see it all over his face. He’s been jealous this whole time. Sure, maybe your first meeting had just been a result of his poor small talk skills… but everything else? Pure jealousy. 

“Fuck you.” He spits, but he knows he’s been caught. 

“You are a fucking idiot, Jake. Holy shit. I don’t want Josh, dumbass! I wanted you!”

His jaw drops and he stares. There’s a part of you that’s embarrassed for admitting it out loud, but the panic that flashes across his face is worth it. 

“What?”

“You heard me. I never wanted Josh, Jacob. I wanted you. But you were so much of a dick that I gave up.”

“Wanted?” His voice is suddenly small, empty of the anger that had filled it just moments before. 

“I don’t know.” You answer, and it’s the truth. After everything, you’re not sure the two of you could ever form a normal friendship – let alone anything more. 

“Fuck.” He breathes out, before sitting heavily back down on the sofa. You sit back down next to him, the fight drained from you at your confession. Neither of you know what to say. 

“I thought you and Josh slept with each other… or were going to. This whole time.” 

You don’t say anything. There’s nothing left to say, really. 

“I wish you had just asked. Instead of assuming.”

“Me too.” He turns to you, and his eyes look so sad it makes your chest ache. You don’t want to look at him when he looks like that. 

“Would you still?” 

You look at him confused. 

“Want me?” He clarifies. “If things were different.” 

You take a moment to answer. At this point, there’s nothing left to lose. 

“I think I’ll always want you, Jake. No matter how much I try not to.” 

“Can we…” He stops, takes a breath. You can practically see the gears turning as he tries to work out what to say. "Can we try?" 

You stare at him, afraid you're reading into his words wrong. 

"Try what?"

"Try again?" His words are small, quiet. He's not looking at you anymore and you suddenly wish you hadn't been so angry with him. "We can go slow. Like we're starting over." 

You ponder his words for a long moment. There's so many thoughts running through your mind and you can barely grab hold of any of them. 

“I don’t know, Jake. You really hurt me.” 

He hung his head, his dark hair framing his face. Even now, you can’t help but to admire him. 

“I’m so fucking sorry.” He says, before finally bringing his eyes to yours. There are tears there, and your heart aches at the sight. “I was jealous. I really thought you were interested in Josh.” 

“Why didn’t you just ask me? Instead of assuming and then treating me so horribly?”

“Because… because I can’t compete with someone like Josh, anyway. Didn’t think there was a point.” He shifts where he’s seated next to you and turns his eyes down to the floor. You don’t say anything, afraid to scare him back behind his walls. “We may be twins, but he’s got all the charm.” 

“Jake,” you say quietly, “look at me.” 

He does, slowly turning his brown eyes to you. 

“This isn’t a competition. I only ever wanted you.” You tell him, and he can see that there’s no lie in your words. “And even if it was a competition, I still would have chosen you, Jake.”

“So I’m just a fucking idiot, then.” He says, and this time the anger in his voice is directed at himself. 

You giggle. 

“A little bit, ya. But I still want you, Jake. Despite trying so hard not to.” 

“Let me show you I can be different. Please. Let me make it up to you.” He pleads, but you already know that you’d have let him do anything he wanted. Despite everything, you’d still fallen for him. And now here you are, with the chance to finally have him after months of thinking it was impossible. 

“Okay.” You breathe out. “Okay, Jake.”

Faster than you can blink, his lips are on yours – soft and warm. You gasp, and Jake takes the opportunity to slide his tongue between your lips. His hands grip your shoulders tightly – like if he lets go you’ll run away. You bring your hands up to cup his cheeks as you kiss him back. The kiss is desperate, needy. All those months of want finally spilling over into this moment. You whimper quietly into his mouth and he pulls away. His eyes are blown wide with need and there’s an almost feral look to his face – his eyes are practically devouring you. 

“I’m not making love to you for the first time on a shitty break room couch.” He says breathlessly and you quirk your eyebrow at his choice of words. He flushes but you let it slide, instead rising to your feet. 

“Hotel?” You extend your hand to him and he laces his fingers with yours, allowing you to pull him to his feet. 

“Yep. Yeah. Just quickly.” He shifts on his feet and you laugh as you realize that he’s painfully hard and trying to figure out how to walk normally. 

Hands still clasped together, the two of you practically sprint towards the back exit of the venue. It’s mostly empty now, with everyone else having cleared out as soon as possible after the show ended. The two of you make it all the way to the back foyer without anyone seeing you. 

But in your haste to get out, you almost don’t see Sam and Danny standing there gawking as they watch you drag Jake towards the door. 

You stop short upon seeing them, causing Jake to bump into you from behind. You both look like deer caught in headlights or like little kids who have just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. 

“Um.” You say eloquently and Jake snickers from behind you. 

“Alright, you boys ready to g-” Josh turns a corner, and stops in his tracks too. You watch as his eyes sweep from yours and Jake’s flushed faces to your hands that are still interlocked. 

“Howdy, guys,” Jake finally pipes up from behind you. “Fancy seeing you all here.” 

They all nod to the two of you, and each of their faces are filled with complete shock. You’re so embarrassed you wish the floor would swallow you whole. 

“We’re um… heading out.” Jake says and you want to facepalm at his lack of imagination in coming up with some sort of excuse. 

“And I’m sure it’s totally not what it looks like, right?” Josh asks with a shit eating grin and a raised eyebrow. 

“What exactly does it look like, Joshua?” Jake snaps, eyes blazing at his twin. 

“Oh nothing.” He shrugs, lifting his hands up in defense. “Right?” He turns to look at Danny and Sam who are still standing there with their mouths open. 

It’s Danny that manages to fix his face first. 

“Oh, yeah. Doesn’t look like anything to me.” He says with a smile, and you can practically see the teasing that he’s going to give you after this.

“Yeah, it doesn’t look like you’re going to have sex at all.” Sam says, the little brother shittiness finally coming out. 

“Oh fuck off, all of you. We’re leaving.” You start to walk again, yanking Jake’s hand so he follows you. 

“You guys have fun not fucking each other!” Josh calls as you and Jake step out onto the street. Jake just shoots him the bird the two of you take off, giggling like kids. 

The hotel you’re staying at isn’t far, just over a block away from the venue. But it feels like it takes ten years for you to make it to the lobby, and Jake doesn’t once let go of your hand. 

The walk to the elevator is silent, and your mind is working a mile a minute. Your heart is racing and you feel like you’re in a dream. Out of the corner of your eye, Jake stares resolutely ahead, watching as the little screen above the elevator doors counts each floor. 

Finally, they open on your floor and you pull Jake towards your room. 

“Hold on… key card.” You say, extracting your hand from Jake’s to reach into your purse. You swipe the key card and open the door, hesitating only a moment before stepping over the threshold. The reality of what you came here for sets in suddenly, and you stand frozen in the middle of the room as you watch Jake shut the door behind him. 

“You okay?” He asks, walking towards where you’re standing, stopping just close enough that if you wanted, you could reach out and touch him.

“I don’t know.” Your admission is quiet, spoken to the floor and not really to him. You don’t know how to feel. 

“I’m sorry.” He repeats, his own voice soft. “We don’t… we don’t have to do anything, y/n. I wasn’t expecting,” he waves his hands between the two of you vaguely, “this. Like at all.” 

“Me neither. I don’t- I don’t know how to feel, Jake.” 

He sighs and wrings his hands together. You stare at them, remembering that you now know what they feel like in your hand. Calloused, rough – but still gentle somehow. 

“I’ve really fucked things up, haven’t I?” Jake asks. You don’t answer. 

“I never meant for things to get as far as they did.” He continues, walking over to sit heavily onto your bed. “I was jealous and I acted like an asshole to you.” 

“Yeah, you did. But I was annoying, too. I should have just left you alone.” You say softly. “I shouldn’t have tried so hard.” 

Jake shakes his head at you slowly, his soft hair – finally dry, swishes across his shoulders. 

“You weren’t annoying. You were just being nice. You have nothing to apologize for. Come sit?”

You comply, sitting down next to him – making sure to leave some space between the two of you. 

“You know, I heard you talking to Danny that night after my guitar string snapped.” 

You turn to him sharply, brain racing trying to remember if you had said anything embarrassing. 

“You stayed in that night because I’d had a bad night and you thought you would make it worse…” 

You nod. 

“You were so angry. I didn’t want to cause another fight.” 

“I did get angrier, though. I was angry at myself for making you think that I hated you. But I didn’t know how to fix it.” He looks away and you take the opportunity to watch him. There was only one lamp on, and it cast shadows across his jaw. “Let me fix it. Please.”

You sit there for a long moment and just think. You let yourself feel the hurt and the anger. You think about every rude word or dismissive glare. You think about that night at the bar when you screamed at each other. You think of earlier in that break room. You think about all of it before finally turning to him. 

“There’s nothing to fix, Jake. I forgive you.”

His eyes widen comically at you and his jaw drops open. 

“What?” 

“I forgive you.” You say simply, shrugging your shoulders. “I fell for you a long time ago, Jake. And those feelings aren’t going to go away – believe me, I’ve tried.” 

He huffs a laugh. 

“But I’m tired of this animosity between us.” You continue, pinning his gaze under your own. “I just want to be with you. No more arguing, no trying to make up for what’s already happened. Let’s just… be.” 

“I don’t deserve you.” He admits, lacing his fingers with yours. 

“Yes, you do. So let’s let it go.”

“Okay.” 

You squeeze his hand in yours. He squeezes back. 

“Now would you please kiss me already.” 

Finally, a real smile spreads across Jake’s lips and his eyes sparkle at you. 

“Of course.” 

His lips crash into yours for the second time and it’s even better than the first. There’s no uncertainty now. It’s just you and him. You lean back, grasping his shoulders to follow you down. He pulls away slightly as your weight settles and he smiles. 

“Eager?”

You don’t glorify his question with a response – instead sealing your lips over his again. He groans into your mouth as you hook your legs around his waist, bringing your core flush against his hardening cock. 

Jake sits up and you scoot further into the middle of the bed, sitting up for a moment to rid yourself of your shirt. Jake does the same, unbuttoning his top with shaky fingers and tossing it to the floor. He taps your hips, signaling for you to lift them up. He slides your pants off you and you kick them off. Jake follows suit, leaving the two of you in nothing but your undergarments. 

Jake looks down at you and you watch as his eyes rake over your form, pupils blown wide. 

“Look at you.” He whispers and your core pulses at the sound of his voice – husky and low, laced with desire. 

He’s a sight to behold all on his own and you allow yourself to stare – taking in every bit of skin that you’re finally getting to see. 

“Look at you.” You say and he smiles down at you, eyes growing softer for a moment. 

“Don’t do that.” You whisper, grasping his shoulders to pull him down to you. His face is inches above your own and you can feel his heavy breaths against your face. “Don’t feel guilty. Just be here. With me.” 

He nods and attaches his lips to your neck, leaving a trail of hot kisses down your throat. He sucks and licks as he goes, causing the wetness in your panties to grow even more. You slide your palms up his strong back, feeling the muscles ripple underneath your fingertips. His cock is hard where you can feel it against you, and you press your hips up into him slowly. He moans loudly against the hollow of your throat. 

“Fuck, y/n.” 

He reaches beneath you and unhooks your bra, allowing your breasts to spill out for him to admire. He bites your nipple, rolling the sensitive bud between his teeth and you whine, lacing your fingers in his hair and tugging. 

“Jake.” You moan, rolling your hips up to meet his – desperate for any bit of friction. Jake senses your need and dips his fingers into your panties and slides his finger between your folds, relishing in the wetness that’s gathered there. 

“So wet for me, pretty girl.” He says, before bringing his finger to his lips to suck your juices off his fingers. “Tastes so fucking sweet.” 

“Stop teasing me, Jake.” You whine, pawing at his cock where it tents his boxers. You slip your fingers beneath the waistband and pull them down and Jake lifts his hips so you can slide them all the way off. Jake yanks your panties down as well and you hiss as the cold air of the hotel room hits your hot center. Your pussy throbs and you press your thighs together. 

“Don’t.” Jake says, and he presses your knees back apart. He gives you one last devilish grin before diving into your folds, lapping at the wetness and circling your clit with his tongue. 

“Oh fuck!” You cry as you throw your head back in pleasure. He swirls your swollen clit with the tip of his tongue before attaching his lips to suckle at it mercilessly. You moan loudly, and you’d probably feel sorry for whoever was in the room next to yours if you weren’t so focused on the intense pleasure coursing through your body. 

“You taste so good, angel. Can’t believe I let my own jealousy keep me from tasting you sooner.” 

You whine as he pushes one finger inside of you, curling it inside of you in the most delicious way. The coil in your belly begins to tighten, and you know it won’t be long before it snaps. 

“Fuck, right there. Jesus.” You moan as he adds another finger and Jake chuckles. The vibration against your clit makes you jump, so he presses his forearm across your hips – effectively keeping you in place. “Jake I’m gonna cum.” You warn and he only picks up the pace of his fingers, fucking into you relentlessly as he continues lapping at your clit. 

“Give it to me, sweet girl.” He says against your core and that’s all it takes. Your orgasm rips through you and you whine his name as he laps up your release. He pulls his fingers from you and licks them, groaning as he tastes you. 

“Fuck, y/n. You look divine, all spread out for me like this.” 

“Only for you.” You say, still trying to get your breathing under control. You sit up and stare at him. His cock is rock hard and weeping, standing at full attention. Your mouth waters at the sight of him. 

“Lemme taste you, Jake.” You say as you reach your hand towards his length. He grabs your wrist in his hand, stopping you.

“As much as I’d love for you to, I’m not gonna last if you do that. Next time.” He promises, releasing your wrist. “But tonight I wanna cum in this pretty pussy.” He glances around suddenly, eyes searching for something. 

“What?” You ask, rising to lean on your elbows. 

“You don’t happen to have any condoms around here, do you?” 

“I’m clean. And I’m on birth control.” 

He pins you with a heated stare. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Very. Want you to fill me up, Jake.” 

He groans at your words and brings his hand up to pump his cock. His chest is flushed and sweat is gathering at his temples. 

“Fucking hell. Okay.” 

You spread your legs and Jake glides the head of his cock through your folds, gathering the wetness before slowly sliding into you. You both moan at the feeling of him sinking into your pussy. He bottoms out and pauses, giving you time to adjust to the stretch of him.

“Jesus, you’re so fucking tight." He growls, brows pinched together as he tries to hold back from moving. 

“Do it, Jakey. Give it to me. Move.” You whine, pushing your hips into his. He complies, pulling out of you almost completely before slamming back into you. He sets a hard pace – the force of each thrust pushing you upwards, making your tits bounce as he rails into you. His eyes are transfixed on them as they bounce up and down, and you rake your nails down his back. You wrap your legs around him and press your heels into his ass, drawing him in closer. 

“Fuck, you feel so good.” He groans.

“God, Jake. Right there.” You cry, clenching your eyes closed. “Harder! Fuck!” 

Jake grabs your calf tightly with his right hand, throwing it over his shoulder. He then plants his forearms on either side of you, caging you in with his body. The new angle allows him to hit even deeper, the tip of his cock hitting that special place inside of you with each thrust. You wail as he pistons his hips into yours and little breathy moans fall from his plump lips. His eyes screw shut and his hair is damp as he fucks you better than anyone ever has. You clench around him and he groans loudly, sweat dripping down his chest as he opens his eyes to watch your face as the pleasure takes you over. 

“You look so fucking gorgeous, baby.” He says, thrusts growing more desperate as his own release quickly begins to approach. He slides one hand between the two of you, circling your clit in time with his thrusts. 

“Jacob!” You scream, as your second climax washes over you, sending white hot pleasure coursing throughout your entire body. It seems to keep going forever, and your legs shake and your body twitches as he keeps fucking you through it. 

“Fuck, say that again.” He says through clenched teeth, thrusts growing erratic and sloppy. 

“Jacob.” You say, and this time it comes out as a needy whine.

“Fuck, fuck. Shit!” He growls as his mouth drops open. His own orgasm finally arrives and you feel his cock twitch inside of you as he paints your walls with his release. He thrusts into you deeply once, twice, three more times before collapsing onto you. 

“Jesus.” You say, closing your eyes as you fight to get your heart rate back down to a reasonable pace. 

“Yeah.” He pulls his cock from you and your pussy clenches at the loss of him. “Hold on.” He reaches down towards the foot of the bed where his boxers lay. He cleans you both up before throwing them down onto the floor. He reaches across to the nightstand and flicks the light off. 

He collapses onto his back and you roll onto your side to face him. The two of you stare at each other in the dark. 

“Do you believe me now when I say all is forgiven?” You ask him, smiling as you take in his fucked out expression. 

“Yeah, I guess.” He says, smiling back at you. “I’m still gonna keep telling you though – I’m so fucking sorry.” 

You reach up and cup his face between your palms, bringing him close to you so you can press your lips to his in a sweet kiss. 

“And I’ll keep telling you that it’s okay.” You say against his plush lips. “I’ll always choose you.” 

He searches your face before pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

“Thank you.” 

He pulls you in tight to his chest, and you can feel his steady heartbeat as you nuzzle into his skin. You toss one leg over him, pulling him even tighter against you. 

“Does this mean you’ll come back for the next tour?” He asks, face buried in your hair. 

You giggle.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” 

------------------

Taglist:

@sacredthethreadgvf

[visionarystoryteller]

Get Down Tonight || Roman Reigns

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Inspired by ‘Get Down Tonight’ by KC and The Sunshine Band

Warnings: Implied smut

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X Reader - You

Roman Reigns - The Tribal Chief - Leati ‘Joe’ Anoa’i

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It was one of the bigger executives idea to throw a disco themed party about 2 weeks before Summerslam. Everyone was still stressed from the last pay per view and needed some unwinding before they all snapped and caused serious injury to themselves or each other at summerslam.

You weren’t talent per say, well not athletically speaking. You were one of the few interviewers that traveled between Raw and Smackdown. It was tiring but it was a fun job to be close to different talents all the time. You had grown quite close to the smackdown talents, some say even close with the one and only Tribal Chief, Roman Reigns. You had started your job the same day he had returned from being home for the worlds shutdown of the coronavirus. He was all tall and brooding with an air of confidence and power that nearly knocked you on your ass the first time you interviewed him. His deep voice that held a small tone of sultry, god was it heaven. Then there was his facial hair that just complimented his chiseled face, the gods had taken their time with him. After the show had closed that night, he and his cousins, introduced themselves properly, totally different from some of the other talents who seemed to maintain character even after the show needed. While the twins and Solo seemed to follow him wherever he may go, you two still managed to get closer, which was a surprise to his cousins as during shutdown, he finalized his divorce and swore off looking at women and pursuing anything…boy how was he wrong when you came into the picture. Something with you just struck him and slowly over time on camera, the tension shifted and fans noticed how he was with you. He even made sure you traveled as their personal interviewer because Joe wouldn’t talk with anyone else. All noticed by their colleagues.

So here you were, meeting the bloodline at the party, dressed in a fringe silver dress that made you feel absolutely beautiful.

Joe entered the banquet hall with the twins, Jon and Josh along with Sefa. Joes eyes scanned the hall, no doubt looking for you. You were being pulled around by different people, mingling, trying to catch your own glimpse to see if Leati was here. He may have seemed liked he hated being called by his first name, as most addressed him as Joe, but when you said it he loved it. You both had caught glimpses of each other the whole night it seemed liked, never crossing paths. That was until the music finally played. That was when the real party had started.

The room filled with the guitars of Kc and the Sunshine Bands ‘Get Down Tonight’. Joe looked across the dance floor that was becoming more filled with people and caught your eyes.

“Honey-honey, me and you

And do the things, ah, do things that we like to do”

Sefa watched as his older cousin had his eyes locked on you and signaled the twins to watch. Joe, completely ignoring his family, rose his finger and called to you with the ‘come here’ motion. The two of you like moths to a flame found each other. Joe reach his hand out to you, you put it in his own, and he spun you to him, the fringes of your dress going crazy with the movement. Joe looked down at you, having your back to his chest.

“Y/N” he whispered in sultry to you.

“Leati” you reply breathlessly, before he spins you back out, arms length away.

“Baby-baby, I’ll meet you- same place, same time

Where we can get together, and ease up our mind”

You and Joe moved fluidly to the music, his hands on your waist every chance he got to help move your hips to the beat.

Everyone around you was aware of how engrossed you two looked with one another. It was as of if the rest of the world ceased to exist.

The way your body moved and rolled along with Joes was erotic on its own, but was only heightened with the looks he kept giving you.

With your back to his chest as the line of the song ‘get down tonight’ replayed you swung your hips low to the floor with your arms still touching and reaching for him behind you. Joe reached down and picked you up with ease, tossing you in the air to turn you around and caught you, right leg instinctively wrapping around his hip and thigh. Joe looked down at you to see you looking at him with hooded eyes before dipping you back to watch you roll back up to his chest, his hand caressing your back the whole time before holding you to him before repeating the process once more and keeping you a little always away from his face.

“You keep rolling your body like that and I will bend you over the closest table in front of all our colleagues “ Joe rasped quietly to you. You looked at him with doe eyes.

“Maybe I want you to Leati” you whisper as the song starts coming to a close. Joes jaw ticks as he looks at you with dark eyes. Joe brings his face to you neck and bite behind your ear, the process being covered by both of your hairs, so no one could see. You let out a moan that was almost noticeable to everyone else around as the song died down.

“You better get the pretty ass down tonight for me” Joe whispered as the song ended and kept you close. You looked into his eyes and nodded.

Everyone who watched you two dance clapped and couldn’t stop talking about the two of you, but the two of you didn’t pay attention as Joe whisked you put the banquet hall out to the suv and got you in before getting in himself.

“Oh, do a little dance, make a little love

Get down tonight”

[vodkaandsnakes]

On this day, December 18, in Type O Negative history:

Type O Negative were scheduled to play Nighttown with Pungent Stench in Rotterdam, Netherlands, but the show was cancelled after Peter made his infamous "Ich bin ein Berliner" speech {Josh waved a Sufganiot in support of his friend and bandmate} (1991)

Type O Negative play Ancienne Belgique in Brussels, Belgium (1996)

While in Belgium, Josh Silver is interviewed by Side Line magazine for an article that will appear in their July 1997 issue.

Type O Negative play G1 in Hamburg, Germany (1999)

Type O Negative play the House of Blues in West Hollywood, CA (2000)

[izzythehutt]

hey, i was wondering how you were hoping kreese’s arc goes in s6 in regards to his relationships with johnny and tory. i love reading your cobra kai metas and would love to hear your thoughts on this!

There's like........what I want, what Martin Kove, insane John Kreese actor/apologist wants, and what we can reasonably expect the Big Three to actually give us, given what they've alluded to in interviews about where we left the characters at the end of S5. These are all kind of different things, though.

I think we've officially left that character in the darkest place he's ever been, because he's un-tethered from any pretense of following rules (he's a fugitive) and he "hates everyone" (per Josh Heald.) Up until now Kreese has always operated within a system, part of his whole game is hiding his ruthless, Darwinian nature under a veneer of respectability—playing up the retired Vietnam vet who just wants to help kids shtick. No more! He's faked his own death and assaulted people to escape from jail. This is full-on, willing to kill Captain Turner to survive Kreese. I fully expect their to be some guerilla warfare motif in S6 with how he operates from the shadows.

Season 5 kind of played with him realizing his mistakes and the ways he's hurt people but also dismissed the notion of him changing his ways and reaffirmed him as the Big Bad of this universe (even worse than Terry, because he can do what he does without the benefit of money or power.)

So, I see him starting S6 as the most menacing version of himself. I fully expect him to go full-on Hannibal Lecter, weird creepy phone calls to Johnny, showing up at Terry's place like a slasher film villain, etc. I really hope that Thomas Ian Griffith decides to come back for S6 because I feel like the Kreese and Terry relationship is one of the major unresolved plot threads of the show (and the fact that they had no scenes together in S5 felt like they were saving that confrontation for S6.) I would like Kreese to get a giant "I told you so" speech to Silver. He earned that. And then idk, they fight to the death over a snake pit.

As far as Johnny goes...well, I think in Martin Kove's perfect world Kreese would straight up kidnap him until he agreed to come back to Cobra Kai, lol. TB3 basically said that Kreese feels rejected by Johnny, someone he's always held out hope of reconciling with, so I expect some lashing out....though I do wonder if it will be directly or if he'll redirect his anger at someone like, say, Daniel—because it would be easy to blame Larusso since Kreese hates him anyway and blames him for their relationship going south in the first place.

I honestly believe that Kreese's ideal endgame would be dying at Johnny's hand, tbh. I think doesn't want to hurt Johnny, but he wants Johnny to be "tough" and to affirm the rightness of the CK ideology and carry it on. So while I've never really thought that him "attacking" Johnny directly would be an in-character thing for him to do, I could see some provocation (particularly if S6 is the last.)

We're definitely not going to see a "reconciliation" between them, but I do think Johnny has been in denial about the effect of the relationship on his life and the degree to which he's still deeply wounded by it. I think Kreese is kind of his last "monster" he has to slay—that is, coming to terms with that relationship and eventually forgiving him. And idk, maybe Kreese gets a Vader death. I would be down for him going out like a champ, like body slamming Terry into a snake pit because he's about to kill Johnny or something cray cray like that.

(Sidenote—I can't wait for Kreese to find out about the Lawrence Baby and be super weird about it.)

As for Tory...that's a big question I'm on the fence about. A lot of people think she's "done" with CK/Kreese after her awful experiences in S5, which would make sense, but also seems unlikely because at this point her character is his character's only major link to the younger cast. I could see her attempting to be the voice of reason with him if he gives her some of his weird fugitive Hannibal calls (maybe suggesting he turn himself in?) Obviously Robby won't want her to have anything to do with him, but Tory, for all she felt disillusioned with him "giving up" on their plan in S5, is a very loyal kid, and I would like to see her having some mixed feelings about him or a conflict around that relationship. Kreese kind of let her go at the end of S5, so maybe he'll try to stay away. If he gets CK back he's going to want her back as a student, though.

I think the set-up for Kreese and Sensei Kim reconnecting and forming the latest iteration of CK was a pretty obvious foreshadow, so I assume they'll do something with that. It could be interesting to see him work with a woman. If the Sekai Takai is at the end of S6 then I expect it to be in some country without extradition laws to the US so Kreese can emerge from the shadows again to menace our heroes.

[smi-automatic]

how often do u think josh fucks himself in secret with a cute asshole stretching plug? every day/every other day/weekly/? and what are his favourite toys :3

he rlly rlly Does try his best to keep it all totally off of tours!! Stretching himself wide only when he knows he has enough time to get it all out of his system and recover yknow

but also he’s really not the best at it! He gets pent up n desperate and stuffs himself full in tour bus bunks and dressing rooms before practice sessions (or even shows😳). Tyler probably notices him shifting around on interview couches or bouncing extra hard on his drum seat and fucks with him accordingly<3

Either he’s totally calm or he’s mind-meltingly horny for like a week straight and there’s no inbetween. (tyler watched him whine and rut against his pillows barely after fucking him n plugging him once n joked it’s like he’s a dog in heat)

Yknow those plugs with the little crystal on the base? He’s definitely got one of those, a nice thick silver metal with a pink heart on the bottom<3 Maybe he’s got one of those clear glass plugs, so anyone could see right inside of him. One of his biggest toys is an absurdly massive black silicone plug blurry gave him. Blurry made him wear it out in public a couple times and each time josh came hard in his boxers just from the stretch.

[ukimmigrationmatters]

House Prices Rise Bucking The Trend

House prices rose by .7% in January and are down by just .2% compared to this time last year, according to figures from the Nationwide Building Society.

Join me online on my free live money management training Wednesday at 8.00PM. Places are limited, so register now below to book your seat and get regular money updates through my free newsletter. ⁠https://bit.ly/3QPp8IH⁠

The Bank of England held interest rates this at 5.25% while indicating a possible rate cut this year, subject to getting inflation under control.

Watch full video episode - https://youtu.be/NSgjkJeuqYg

Why Invest in Gold and Silver Compared to Crypto, Stocks or Property – An in interview with Josh Saul, gold expert, discussing the merits of including precious metals in your portfolio. Click here https://pure-gold.co/charles-kelly for a free gold, investment report, and discovery call.

 In the ever-evolving landscape of investment opportunities, the age-old appeal of precious metals like gold and silver remains steadfast. Investors are often confronted with a myriad of choices, ranging from the digital allure of cryptocurrencies to the stability of stocks and the tangibility of real estate. In this comparison, we explore why investing in gold and silver continues to be a compelling option compared to the alternatives.

Watch YouTube video: https://youtu.be/woBQBtavLUM

Where to find me:

Money Tips website: https://moneytipsdaily.com/

YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2tLUxod264Qy0gPntvx6Eg

Money Tips Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/No1businessopportunities

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/charles-kelly-ba-cmgr-fcmi-b5300a2

See: – Transfer Property Into A Limited Company Without Paying CGT or Stamp Duty ⁠https://youtu.be/mtGq7WaVxLA ⁠

What’s in Store in 2024? Stock Markets, Property and Gold

Watch full video on Money Tips Podcast YouTube Channel https://youtu.be/difmr0fp5-Q

 For a free gold, investment report, and Discovery Call, click here (https://pure-gold.co/charles-kelly)

 7 Things To Make 2024 Your Best Year Ever - Watch video version at Charles Kelly Money Tips Podcast: https://youtu.be/8oZ30NHVAr8

Join me online on my free live money management training Wednesday at 8.00PM.

Places are limited, so register now below to book your seat and get regular money updates through my free newsletter.

⁠https://bit.ly/3QPp8IH⁠

[wikiuntamed]

Top 5 @Wikipedia pages from a year ago: Monday, 2nd January 2023

Welcome, mirë se vjen, nuqneH, أهلا بك (ahlan bika) 🤗 What were the top pages visited on @Wikipedia (2nd January 2023) 🏆🌟🔥?

1️⃣: Avatar: The Way of Water "Avatar: The Way of Water is a 2022 American epic science fiction film co-produced and directed by James Cameron, who co-wrote the screenplay with Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver from a story the trio wrote with Josh Friedman and Shane Salerno. Distributed by 20th Century Studios, it is the sequel to..."

2️⃣: Jeremy Renner "Jeremy Lee Renner (born January 7, 1971) is an American actor. He began his career by appearing in independent films such as Dahmer (2002) and Neo Ned (2005), then supporting roles in bigger films, such as S.W.A.T. (2003) and 28 Weeks Later (2007). Renner gained Academy Award nominations for Best..."

Image licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0? by Gage Skidmore

3️⃣: Barbara Walters "Barbara Jill Walters (September 25, 1929 – December 30, 2022) was an American broadcast journalist and television personality. Known for her interviewing ability and popularity with viewers, she appeared as a host of numerous television programs, including Today, the ABC Evening News, 20/20, and The..."

Image licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0? by Lynn Gilbert

4️⃣: Andrew Tate "Emory Andrew Tate III (born 1 December 1986) is an American-British social media personality, businessman, and former professional kickboxer. Tate began practicing kickboxing in 2005, gaining his first championship in 2009, later becoming a four-time world champion. In 2016 he appeared on the..."

Image licensed under CC BY 3.0? by Anything Goes With James English

5️⃣: Gangsta Boo "Lola Chantrelle Mitchell (August 7, 1979 – January 1, 2023), better known by her stage name Gangsta Boo, was an American rapper. She rose to prominence as a member of Three 6 Mafia, which she joined at the age of 14. After releasing six albums, she left the group and its record label after the..."

Image licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0? by Neon Tommy

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

𝔗𝔶𝔭𝔢 𝔒 𝔑𝔢𝔤𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔳𝔢 - 𝔈𝔲𝔯𝔬𝔭𝔢𝔞𝔫 ℜ𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔖𝔭𝔢𝔠𝔦𝔞𝔩 𝔬𝔫 𝔪𝔱𝔳 (յգգճ)

[vanalex]

Type O Negative Interview with Juliya A MUST WATCH

This is hilarious 😅 Some quotes:

Josh, how would you like to die?

I don't care as long as it happens now.

It's a Jewish gay thing... I don't know what it is.

Next fragment Josh flashing his balls 🙈

Kenny drunkenly asking

Please suck my balls

Peter explaining his OCD regarding food.

Peter's heartfelt

How I would like to die? It doesn't matter as long as I made a difference to the world.

Followed by Kenny's dry

You did, you made it worse

Kenny's I'm a bathroom person, I spend most of my time in the bathroom

Johnny's always happy and smiling and even running the catwalk

And the infamous Peter Steele quote

Please buy our product

[denimbex1986]

'Box office record breakers Barbie and Oppenheimer made a combined tally of just under £30 million in the UK and Ireland in their opening weekends, following months of lead-up and excitement—the effect of which can never be repeated, despite what studios will be hoping.

Arguably igniting a real return to form for cinema, ‘Barbenheimer’, as it has come to be known, fuelled the fourth biggest overall weekend in domestic box office history. It is beaten only by Avengers: Endgame, Avengers: Infinity War, and Star Wars: The Force Awakens, all of which are part of major franchises. It’s fair to say that the Barbenheimer effect has been fantastic for the silver screen, especially after the last few turbulent years.

Though studios may try, however, it will be impossible to successfully replicate the phenomenon that was so instrumental in this success.

How Barbenheimer came to be

Oppenheimer director Christopher Nolan had been distributing his films with WarnerMedia, the parent company of Warner Bros. Pictures, since 2002. However, in 2020, he found himself in a dispute with WarnerMedia when it made the decision to release all of its 2021 films on its streaming service, HBO Max. The plan went south when Warner Bros. distanced itself from this plan in March of that year, but by then the acclaimed director had made plans of his own. In September 2021, he announced that Oppenheimer would be distributed by Universal Pictures.

One of the conditions of this deal was the promise the film wouldn’t go to a streaming service straight away, and would have a 100-day theatrical window. Following this, the July 21, 2023 release date was announced. But in 2022, a subsidiary of Warner Bros. announced that Barbie would be releasing on that same date—with the Nolan disagreement being quoted as the cause.

The build up

Buzz around both films, and the behind-the-scenes drama between them, began very quickly and the anticipation only built as time went on. The first use of the term ‘Barbenheimer’ was in April last year but really took off earlier this year through memes on Twitter (now X). Before too long it was difficult to avoid Barbenheimer, as fan-made posters and merchandise began emerging everywhere.

Meanwhile, the official marketing for Greta Gerwig’s Barbie was proving to be incredibly effective, with $150 million set aside for the project. A Barbie Dreamhouse was created in Malibu, bookable through Airbnb, a themed boat cruise was available in Boston, and everything you can think of was turned ‘Barbie pink’. Though the marketing team was pulling out all the stops, a large proportion of its promotion happened organically, Josh Goldstine, president of global marketing at Warner Bros., told Variety, with the popularity of the Barbenheimer concept across social media fuelling much of this.

Oppenheimer’s marketing budget could have been anywhere between $65 million and $100 million, according to Collider. It didn’t go to the lengths that Barbie did, arguably due to the fact that it’s a less fun and more dramatic film. You could contend that Oppenheimer got a free ride on the coat-tails of Barbie’s marketing successes—it wasn’t often there would be Barbie press without mention of Oppenheimer—but this was a two-way relationship, with Cillian Murphy stating in an interview with IGN that the Barbenheimer fascination was beneficial not only for the two films in question but for the cinema industry as a whole.

Barbenheimer’s success

This juggernaut inevitably came to full fruition when July 21 rolled around. With the promise of Barbenheimer came the challenge of watching both films on opening weekend, even on the same day.

With millions of people flocking to their local cinemas for the double feature, the trends continued and audiences showed up decked out in pink or black, or pink and black! The dichotomy and tonal juxtaposition between the two was enough to turn a simple joke into the colossus it became, inspiring some inventive costumes; some viewers even changed their outfits on the way from one film to the other.

Organic engagement

This cultural event is, at its very core, unique in its transcendence of the silver screen. Barbenheimer originated from a shared release date, but the films’ significance go deeper than that. They are two high quality films, directed by two well-known powerhouses in the industry, with two strong aesthetics. Not only this but they are new stories rather than reboots, remakes, spin-offs or the latest in a franchise (although we have since learnt more about Mattel’s plans going forward).

The worry now is about what lessons studio executives will take from these last few months. It’s no lie that we can already see it happening as it is factored into marketing, as Paramount Pictures tries to coin ‘Saw Patrol’, with Paw Patrol and Saw X releasing on September 29. The problem with studios trying to replicate this is it feels manufactured. The way Barbenheimer developed was completely up to fans and cinema-goers, with studios initially blindsided by the trend and only later jumping on the bandwagon—the vital part being they never had control of it in the first place. Also, while Barbie and Oppenheimer are very different films, there’s potential for them to appeal to similar demographics—something that can’t be said for a film aimed at children and a horror flick.

What these studios should realise sooner rather than later is that this sort of popularity can’t be corporate and forced. It has to feel authentic, or audiences will tune out. Attempting to replicate what happened with these two blockbusters cannot be done.

Barbenheimer isn’t the first to see this sort of unprecedented success thanks to audience-created trends. The ‘Gentleminions’ TikTok trend took over cinemas in July last year upon the release of Minions: The Rise of Gru, with hundreds of videos showing teens turning up to their local theatres in suits and formalwear. Although the rowdy behaviour of these audiences led to them being banned from screenings, the trend did bolster the film’s earnings for a while. TikTok also previously wreaked havoc on Morbius in 2022; Sony didn’t seem to understand that the film’s cult fanbase was ironic, and re-released the Jared Leto-fronted film to a second round of bad press and poor box office earnings.

Barbenheimer was a magical, once-in-a-lifetime event, and audiences are happy to keep it that way. For studio executives, it may take a little more convincing. Regardless of what the future holds, for two films to open to over £10 million each at the box office amid the cost of living crisis and the lasting effects of the pandemic signals that the revival of cinema is on its way. At its heart, this isn’t about any two films releasing on the same day. It’s about visionary directors striving to create daring, innovative films—something which should always be valued above a cheap marketing strategy.'

[back-and-totheleft]

"I'm scared for the world"

Longtime filmmaker Oliver Stone has never been shy when it comes to contentious topics or going after accepted thinking. But his new documentary, Nuclear Now — which makes the case for nuclear energy as a silver (not magic) bullet against climate change and the literal end of the world — has a more hopeful tone than most of his earlier work. In the latest episode of On With Kara Swisher, Kara talks to Stone about the film, that shift, and what turns an infamous counterculture warrior into an advocate for nuclear-power plants. In the below excerpt, Swisher and Stone discuss the pros and cons of atomic energy, the decades-old efforts to demonize it, Hollywood’s role in that, and why, in Stone’s mind, more nuclear accidents might have actually done some good.

Kara Swisher: You’ve made over 30 films. You’ve told stories about Vietnam War, greed on Wall Street, figures like JFK, Nixon, Bush, Edward Snowden, Vladimir Putin, and now nuclear energy and climate change. What’s the through line of your career, at what you’re trying to build here with this body of work across complicated, often controversial topics?

Oliver Stone: Well, one doesn’t think about it in terms of — when you’re a young person, you don’t say I’m gonna be this at the end of my life. You just do it as you go, and the issues that concern you often concern the rest of the world. I mean, I have been very conscious of the news, I was raised that way in New York City by my father who was conscious of the news, and I’ve always been interested in who’s president and economic policy. My father was an economist — and trying to follow the trends. Nuclear energy, I mean, the concept of clean energy has been haunting for the last few years. Everyone’s talking about it since they’ve acknowledged climate change, since let’s say the 2000 period. And certainly, Al Gore’s film brought attention to it in 2006. So it’s scary. It’s — even if you don’t accept climate change and some people don’t — what, how, what is the best way to utilize energy in our country? And that could be conservation conscious? And in that regard, when you do the research and you go around and you talk to the scientists, people who know, who don’t just have opinions but who know, it comes out that nuclear energy is a must — is a must.

Kara Swisher: But what made you do that? You said most of your films unpack a lie. You say undiscovered lies that people won’t admit, I think in an interview. Explain the lie that got you motivated to do an entire documentary, a two-hour, almost two-hour documentary.

Oliver Stone: Well, I didn’t see, I didn’t see it as a lie when I started. It was simply to deal with this issue of where are we going? I mean, everyone was talking about taking pro-nuclear, anti-nuclear positions. It’s tedious to listen to these arguments because it’s a what if, what if, what if, kind of question mark. We want to move beyond that and try to solve the problem. So when I read this book called A Bright Future written by Josh Goldstein, who was a professor of international relations, and a nuclear engineer, scientist from Sweden called Stefan Swiss. They laid out in a very simple book, it was very clear — it’s very dry and hard to read — but it’s clear that we’re going to need a lot of nuclear energy in the next 30 years to meet the standards of what the IPCC calls — 2050 is going to be kind of a — breakpoint, when the earth is gonna no longer be able to recover from warming, and it will just keep warming itself.

Let’s say that’s true, but even if it were not true, I would still be saying, and these books would still be saying we need nuclear energy, and we had it, it worked.

Kara Swisher: Sure. I guess what I want to get to is like, why this? There’s crisis all over the  world, including misinformation, political partisanship. What prompted you to come to this. You read a book that you liked, right? Uh, there’s lots of books and lots of —

Oliver Stone: Because I’m scared. I’m scared for the world. I have children, hopefully I’ll have grandchildren. What’s my daughter and son gonna face? It’s the prospect of the earth getting worse, is what scares me. The earth should be getting better because we know, we know more and more and more and we have more tools that help us and we’re not. It’s not getting better. The carbon dioxide poisoning in the air, along with the methane gas poisoning in the air, is growing.

Kara Swisher: So this compelled you to make an argument that the answer is, the solution is nuclear energy. So I want you to explain why you think nuclear is the answer and compare it to solar, wind and other forms of renewable energy that we’ve been sold on. Cause it’s — you can get more out of it. More bang for your buck, so to speak.

Oliver Stone: Yeah. Well, because nuclear operates 24-7, I mean, it’s basically a capacity of about 90 percent plus. It’s always going night and day. Once it’s built, it’s expensive, [but] once it’s built, the maintenance is very smooth and and it runs and it runs and we take it for granted, and we took it for granted in our country. And we never really kind of realized it. We looked to one accident, which was Chernobyl, which terrified the world —

Kara Swisher: And Three Mile Island.

Oliver Stone: I understand why, but that one accident became the basis for closing up nuclear plants, not only in Germany, but even in the United States. Closing them early.

Kara Swisher: And the others, the others, solar, wind are not, renewables are not good enough. They’re too small.

Oliver Stone: Too small on the scale that we need. We need continent size. Plus it takes up a lot of land. you know, in Germany for example, they put up solar panels in a huge solar park, 400, almost 500,000 panels, reflecting the sun. Those panels produced about one tenth of what nuclear produced on five times the size of the land. And the same is kind of true about turbines too, because they take a lot of space.

You know, if we can do it, we should do everything we can. Everything we can.

Kara Swisher: I wanna talk about why we’re not using it. You make a case at the beginning of the documentary about this quite clear, and it’s largely around safety and fear of accidents, essentially. You yourself said you used to be afraid of nuclear energy. What convinced you that it was safe? Because a lot of our fears come from the nuclear bomb, right? So we equate the two.

Oliver Stone: Nuclear bomb and nuclear energy have been conflated into one monster. And the truth is the nuclear bomb is enriched with plutonium, and it makes it highly radioactive and it’s dangerous. It happened at Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which we set off, and people died of radioactive poisoning. But nuclear energy was made in a much lower-level way. The enrichment process is monitored highly by the IAEA, International Atomic Energy Commission. These plants are very, very safe. They’re built along these lines, very strictly in the United States, too strictly. You might argue that there should have been more accidents, because as in any new industry — chemicals, gas, oil, pipelines — there’s a process of learning. I think they did a pretty damn good job. They had one accident in the United States. It was at Three Mile Island and nobody died. The containment structure worked at Three Mile Island, and yet the panic was —

Kara Swisher: So you’re saying it became demonized in this, you know, a nuclear bomb —

Oliver Stone: It was demonized, yeah, by that film by Jane Fonda. That was — and I admire Jane very much for her Vietnam stand, as you know — but it made hysterical. The concept grew, this thing blows up, it’s gonna be a —

Kara Swisher: I’m curious, have you heard from Jane Fonda on this?

Oliver Stone: No, I haven’t, but I wish she would to look at it. I probably — it’s very hard to go back on your thinking and change your mind, but you have to listen to facts.

Kara Swisher: So what changed your mind? You said you were in that camp you were in, in that

Oliver Stone: Yeah, but I wasn’t — I assumed that people knew what they were talking about, but the truth is that the nuclear industry never really had a lobby. They never had, you know, what Wyoming has with coal, or Texas has with oil. They didn’t have a constituency. And no scientists, there was no Einstein around or guess, or Marie Curie, who found radium, to explain it to the people so that they would understand it. And the media got involved, and let’s be honest — they love hysteria. They love sensationalism. When you can talk about an explosion in your backyard the size of a nuclear bomb, it’s gonna make the news. But that’s not the case.

Kara Swisher: All right. We’ll get to the media in a second, but let’s play a clip from the documentary to start. This is President Eisenhower sharing his vision for nuclear energy in a speech to the UN in 1953, followed by your voiceover. Let’s play that.

President Eisenhower: This greatest of destructive forces can be developed into a great boon for the benefit of all mankind. Experts would be mobilized to apply atomic energy to the needs of agriculture, medicine, and other peaceful activity. A special purpose would be to provide abundant electrical energy in the power starved areas of the world. The United States pledges before you to devote its entire heart and mind to find the way by which the miraculous inventiveness of man shall not be dedicated to his death, but consecrated to his life.

Stone (narration): The entire assembly of delegates from around the world, including the Soviet Union, responded with warm and sustained applause.

Kara Swisher: Okay, we’re not exactly living in this nuclear-powered utopia he promised. You argue a few things are to blame. Let’s do a lightning round of some of these things you say have gotten in the way. Let’s start with Big Oil and economic interests here. How did they change things?

Oliver Stone: Well, as we explained in the film,  they knew that this was a threat to their livelihood and their profits. And the Rockefeller Foundation put out a study in 1956, which put its thumb on the scale, and their scientists that were paid for by —

Kara Swisher: This is the oil family.

Oliver Stone: — came out with this conclusion that any amount of radiation is harmful to the human body. This is a study that went right to the New York Times front page. The publisher of the Times was, incidentally, on the board of the Rockefeller Foundation. What happened is that that report is fraudulent and it has been denied by science. It’s been discredited. Low level radiation exists all over the world. It’s with us, its cosmic rays bombard the earth, the sun. We are we’re exposed to radiation, low-level radiation all day long. And people at high levels of altitude or in airliners are more exposed to it and so forth and so on.But when you have that kind of news and then it sticks around. So that perception was there from almost the beginning, from 1956.

Kara Swisher: So they created this lie. They created a lie, bad PR, they put bad PR against it by saying you could die.

Oliver Stone: Well there’s low level radiation and there’s high level radiation. High level radiation is dangerous. The bomb stuff is high level radiation because it’s enriched. The nuclear plant radiation is low level.

Kara Swisher: So Big Oil tried to scare people into thinking you could be mutated.

Oliver Stone: Well they did. And also they went on, in time and now they have declared themselves the perfect partner for renewables. You see why? Because we know that renewables, sun and wind do not work all the time. So what’s the backup? It’s immediately: gas.

Kara Swisher: Coal and gas. Okay. So you talk about the co-opting of environmental groups about a Big Oil’s anti-nuclear agenda, that they shifted. Initially the Sierra Club was pro-nuclear energy and then became anti, and including the Friends of the Earth who was funded by Big Oil. Talk about that.

Oliver Stone: Yeah. It’s very hard to follow the money because it’s always anonymously given, but definitely, Rod Adams in the film tells the story of the Arco investment in Friends of the Earth. Friends of the Earth was one of the first anti-nuclear environmental groups, around 1970. but the chief of Arco Oil & Gas wrote the first check for $200,000 to Friends of the Earth. They got into the business of protesting nuclear energy. Not all the environmental groups did at first, but certainly a lot of them did. Greenpeace followed in 1970. Greenpeace –

Kara Swisher: And so, because why? Because oil was controlling them? I think that’s hard to believe, but that they may have gotten their initial funding from that, but what happened to these groups?

Oliver Stone: Well, who knows what funding continued. We don’t know where the funds come from,, but the point is it, even if it’s not a conspiracy, it’s business as usual — which is the oil companies don’t want to have competition from nuclear.

Kara Swisher: From nuclear. Okay. So we’ve talked about the conflation of nuclear energy and nuclear war. And you point a finger at Hollywood for fear-mongering. How did the films and TV stoke the fear. Obviously, you��ve got Godzilla, that came out after the bomb, you know, Duck and Cover, and then The China Syndrome — all kinds of movies. There’s one movie after the next.

Oliver Stone: Yeah. You don’t forget Silkwood, which is wonderfully filmed with Meryl Streep.. These people are — the film business has been horrible to the nuclear industry. We had all the horror films in the fifties when I was growing up. You know, everything was radioactive. There was always the reason for two heads monsters that existed, fish that came out the sea. Everything that was horrible came from radiation. On top of that, you had this HBO series about Chernobyl, which was extremely successful around the world.

Kara Swisher: So why is Hollywood doing this? The fear — what you call fearmongering.

Oliver Stone: Because they don’t know. Because they don’t know. And it makes, you know, it makes for easy, it’s an easy, what do they call it? It’s a low hanging fruit.

Kara Swisher: You imagine there being a movie? Nuclear Energy Is Great.

Oliver Stone: Yeah, I could.

Kara Swisher: Well, you’ve just made it, but —

Oliver Stone: I had to make it as a documentary because it’s very difficult to — you know, at one point we played, Josh and I played with the idea of doing a scenario about a female scientist, cause that was popular, a female scientist saving the world by her courage and so forth.

Kara Swisher: Through nuclear energy.

Oliver Stone: But, you know, that becomes kind of melodramatic. It’s not really a one-person issue. It’s really a global issue. It can’t be solved by the United States or one side. It’s going to be solved by a consensus in the world.

Kara Swisher: But the popular idea is that nuclear energy is dangerous, is that no matter what, it’s more dangerous than anything else.

Oliver Stone: It was bad. Yeah.

Kara Swisher: Was bad. So there are justified fears we’ve had, as you said. Sure. Chernobyl was the worst one. The UN estimates 4,000 deaths related to radiation exposure. But you and Mr. Goldstein fear it’s that it’s been blown out of proportion.

Oliver Stone: Totally. Compared to Bopal, the deaths at Bopal

Kara Swisher: Which is chemical.

Oliver Stone: Right.  1980 — was it 4? And then in 1975 we had the hydropower dam in China. 250,000 people died. So there are accidents in any industry. The airplane industry had accidents and they were very dramatic. Nothing compared to what the car industry was turning out, as Ralph Nader pointed out. In other words, what’s scary and what’s dangerous are two different things.

Nuclear energy is scary. But compared to the more mundane —  oil, gas, coal — nothing compared to it.

Kara Swisher: So, Fukushima was another one. An earthquake and a tsunami hit in Japan, caused a nuclear disaster at an active power plant. As you point out, natural disasters are going to get more powerful and plentiful. So should we be more — not less — concerned about future Fukushima’s? Or do you think every energy source is at risk?

Oliver Stone:  It’s funny that you call — everyone says Fukushima is a nuclear disaster. It isn’t. It was a tsunami disaster, as we had in the South Pacific. That plant was badly, had a low sea wall, and it was flooded. The generators were flooded, the sea wall was penetrated, but the containment structure held. There was a radiation leak, but again, realize it’s low-level radiation. People were checked out. Nobody died from radiation poisoning. People died from mismanagement. Hospitalization, hospitals were emptied and they rushed, but the Japanese government panicked and closed it down for quite a few years. So it’s just kind of a contagion of fear.

Kara Swisher: it would be like closing down planes if there was one crash.

Oliver Stone: Yeah, like closing down planes or banning knives. I mean, what’s a knife for. A knife is a wonderful instrument. We use it for hundreds of things, but it can also kill people.

Kara Swisher: All right. But you just said something which is — I think a lot of people would get their back up — where you and Goldstein said in an interview, and you just said it: you think that it’s better for nuclear if there were more accidents.

Oliver Stone: Well, I — that’s a form of saying “Yes, we’d get more used to it.” Because people get spoiled. They want zero tolerance. Zero tolerance, in any industry, is almost impossible.

Kara Swisher: So you’re saying accidents normalize the tech, in other words.

Oliver Stone: Accidents normalize. Yes, they do. And, I mean, think about the waste from nuclear compared to ammonia from agriculture—

Kara Swisher: Lot of fear about that.

Oliver Stone: Compared to arsenic, compared to lead, compared to mercury, which is just thrown into our landscape.

Kara Swisher: So that radioactive waste is safer than all the other things that come out of oil, gas, solar panels.

Oliver Stone: And then they talk about a hundred thousand years from now. Okay. Right. But you know, even so, it decays, it decays to almost nothing. Radioactive waste doesn’t move. It’s been over glamorized and over sensationalized and people can always say: What if, what if? But at a certain point you’ve gotta say, “Look, we gotta take the “what if.” Zero tolerance — it’s not gonna happen. We gotta build.”

Kara Swisher: All right, let’s talk about that. The cost. Plants getting built across the U.S. are costing twice as much as their budgets promised. While other countries have been able to do it cheaper, South Korea has actually lowered its costs. Talk about how we get costs down, specifically the rule of SMRs, which are small modular reactors which move around.

Oliver Stone: Well, that is the American way. We we’re building innovative companies, private companies, with the support of the DOE, the Department of Energy — exploring small modular reactors. Bill Gates has invested a lot of money. It looks very promising — what they call a natrium. Natrium is a salt water reactor. Don’t ask me to explain all the details. I’m not a scientist, but it looks good. It cuts —

Kara Swisher: Would you have one in your home when they get small enough?

Oliver Stone: Absolutely. In a second.

Kara Swisher: Interestingly, I had a discussion with Bill Gates about this, who was a big investor in nuclear technology — which of course will add to the conspiracy theories around Bill Gates, and the chips and the vaccines and everything else. But it requires startups to be doing this innovation in nuclear energy.

Oliver Stone: Well we make the point that startups are an alternative to General Electric, because General Electric bills on a big scale, and as it was explained in the film, their nuclear division is a small part of their overall business. They make turbines, they make drilling equipment. It is a huge company, so their motivation to do nuclear is limited. But there’s the small companies that don’t — that need, that do this full time, that this is their motive to begin with. That’s the companies that hopefully will make a breakthrough in America.

Kara Swisher: Yeah. Also, Sam Altman, who is the head of ChatGPT, also has a big fusion [company] he’s working on.

Oliver Stone: Fusion is also for the future, but not now.

Kara Swisher: That’s his great interest. You do explore France as a kind of nuclear energy gold standard. 70 percent of the country gets its energy from nuclear, but there’s serious costs [due to] climate issues. Last year, half of France’s plants were offline for repairs. Unusually high temperatures put more pressure on the plants’ cooling systems. The state funded nuclear power operator, EDF, is billions of dollars in debt. So is France really the shining example?

Oliver Stone: Yes it is. It’s a wonderful example actually, because it’s been working for 50 years. They built 57 reactors, and they’ve been delivering. And France had very low electricity costs and they had very little CO2. But, you know, the French system has to be repaired because it’s been in business for 50 years, at a low price. But there are pipes and corrosion and so forth and so on. But that’s part of the business you —

Kara Swisher: What they did should be the map.

Oliver Stone: Absolutely. And Russia too. Russia built — has 20 percent of its electricity coming from nuclear and they have built some of the finest reactors ever seen. They have this new fast breeder [reactor], which we saw at Beloyarsk in the Ural mountains in the center of Russia, that fast breeder uses its own waste.

Kara Swisher: Of course, it’s paid for by their gas and oil revenues.

Oliver Stone: Well no it’s paid for by the state. That comes from part of their — but gas is no good. Russia is definitely — it’s sad that they do it. But China’s the one that’s building the most nuclear right now. They are investing, according to what I read, $440 billion into building 125 or so new reactors. They already have 50 —

Kara Swisher: Because they need, they, they’ve promised to get to zero emission.

Oliver Stone: Well, that’s one thing. 2038, they will have like all these reactors in place and they’ll be building more. They have promised the president Xi has promised to go to zero emission, by 2060.

Kara Swisher: Right. So we’re not in China, we’re not in Russia, we’re not in France. In the U.S., how do you get politicians behind the nuclear vision in a bipartisan way? Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez recently went to visit the site of the Fukushima power plant and said she was there “to neither fearmonger nor sugarcoat.” So how do you get people in this country to be bipartisan about nuclear, especially when there’s oil and gas interest and coal interests? Joe Manchin just got it dropped into the debt ceiling bill — a coal plant.

Oliver Stone: Listen, I acknowledge it’s a huge problem to get people to change their ways, but the worst necessity is a mother of invention. The worse it gets, people will see. They know in their hearts that oil and gas are not disillusioned. But as the planet chokes, there will, there has to be change and people will realize maybe too late and they’ll be building nuclear as fast as they can by 2040 or even 2035. But as I said to you earlier, the nuclear business does not have a constituency. They’re not very good at promoting themselves. I talked to these people at Idaho Lab. They all wanna make the next solution, but they don’t have a clue as to how to advertise it like the oil people do or the coal people do.

Kara Swisher: Right.

Oliver Stone: Movies. Movies can help.

Kara Swisher: Let me ask you this. I think it’s a natural question: No nuclear company paid or invested in this movie?

Oliver Stone: No, no. This was done privately.

Kara Swisher: It was Participant [Media].

Oliver Stone: Participant helped us a lot. Jeff Skoll produced the Inconvenient Truth and he was anti-nuclear. We talked and two, three years ago he changed. He read everything he could on nuclear. He’s very bright man, much more scientific than I am, and he’s very happy with this film and wants it to penetrate — he’s doing everything he can to help us.

Kara Swisher: Okay, so you end the documentary on an optimistic note about the pace of technological innovation you’ve witnessed in our lifetime. Why so optimistic? You know, you’re very leaning into entrepreneurship. It’s a bit of a love letter to the nuclear —

Oliver Stone: You could say that at the ending, I want, you know — all I’ve seen in the last few years is dystopian stuff. The films, reading materials, it’s depressing. Everyone — I don’t understand why the movie business is just always about the death and destruction. I guess that makes money.

Kara Swisher: Yeah.

Oliver Stone: I really would like to see a change, and hope, given to the future. When this book I found — Bright Future is about hope and about changing the way we are doing our energy now. It’s doable. That’s what’s frustrating —

Kara Swisher: So, you know, it’s fascinating cause a lot of your movies are dystopian, whether it’s Wall Street, you know — Natural Born Killers really left me … was a bummer, was a fucking bummer, Oliver, I have to tell you.

Oliver Stone: Okay.

Kara Swisher: But I’m saying what shifted you to utopian? Because a lot of your films are darker, I would say. I don’t think they’re like dances in the park. I don’t —

Oliver Stone: No, I’m not known for a Disney approach.

Kara Swisher: Yeah, I don’t see Frozen here.

Oliver Stone: Believe me, I’ve always been an optimist because, sometimes you go to the darker places because you can handle it. You can take it and you don’t get depressed, but you can come out the other end and you’re better for it. That’s the truth about human existence. Suffering sometimes makes us wiser and better people. So the same thing applies in making, creating films like this. Somehow I have an innate optimism. Perhaps it comes from my mother. My father was a pessimist, actually, more than my mother — but my mother was really a believer in humanity. And I repeat that at the end of the movie because the scientist, Marie Curie, one of the greatest, brought us the discovery of uranium and what it could do, and Einstein and people, and even Eisenhower — as dark as it could get during the Cold War, he was still hoping that we could nuclearize our society. And we were close to doing that. I wish we had built more. But I’m optimistic. I’m an optimist.

-On With Kara Swisher podcast, Jul 7 2023

[shyearthquakedaze]

March 1994 - Interview with Peter Steele and Josh Silver of Type O Negative