#ironically this was the only painting i owned so i didn't even have to buy the trans flag. already had it

[bunnliix]

Okay so what if you're driving home with some of the ateez members but Wooyoung gets really touchy and starts to finger you while trying to keep Seonghwa asleep and trying not to make Jongho and San in the front realize what's going on-

oooo yes! I love this so much. And I love that I woke up to this ask too hehe. And I didn't expect it to get this long but like I'm so bad at keeping my writing short. This is almost 900 words long oml

A continuation of this ask can be found here!

You’d be trying so hard to not move, so you wouldn’t wake Seonghwa up as he was sitting next to you, his head on your shoulder. Your hand that was closest to Wooyoung moved to grip his thigh tightly, fingers digging into his pants as you took a deep breath in, trying not to outwardly react to his actions. You keep your eyes forward, pointedly ignoring Wooyoung’s attempts to get your attention, watching Jongho and San as they talk in the row in front of the three of you.

“Awwww, you’re really trying to hold back those pretty noises? C’mon, I don’t think the boys would mind hearing how good I make you feel. Might even make them jealous that they can’t have you like this.” Wooyoung whispered in your ear, as his fingers found that spot in you that makes you see stars and a small gasp escapes your mouth, making you panic.

Thankfully Seonghwa didn’t wake up because of it, however San heard it, turning around to look at you with a concerned look on his face, eyebrows knitted together. 

“Are you okay?” He asked you, to which you hurriedly nodded, which wasn’t convincing. He clearly didn’t believe you, but knew he wouldn’t get an answer out of you.

You gripped Wooyoung’s thigh with an iron grip, tighter than before as his pace sped up, his fingers curling inside of you to hit that spot almost every time. You bit your lip to attempt to keep the noises from tumbling out of your mouth, though your breath was clearly heavier than it was before, a sign that you were getting close to your own release.

Wooyoung smirked, he loved seeing your reactions, and loved provoking reactions from you as well. He loved to see how much you had to restrain yourself from moaning because of how well his fingers were fucking you, as you sat with Seonghwa-hyungs head on your shoulder. He placed his thumb on your clit, slowly rubbing circles as he slowed down the pace, letting you feel lulled into a sense of false security.

You take a deep breath in, trying to slow your racing heartbeat, and refocus yourself, trying to avoid squeezing your thighs together for friction. Only to let out a yelp as Wooyoung’s fingers started up a lightning fast pace once again, garnering the attention of the two boys in front of you, as well as some movement from the man leaning into you. 

“Are you okay, noona?” Jongho asked you, concern painted on his face as he turned to look at you. Your looks didn’t help, your face was flushed and your lips were red and slightly swollen from the constant biting to hide your moans. 

You cleared your throat before answering the youngest member of the group, “I’m okay, I promise Jongho. Just pinched myself accidentally and didn’t expect how much it would hurt.” You told him, trying to convince him and San that you were truly okay. Jongho seemed to buy it, but the look in San’s eye said that the man wasn’t convinced.

They both turned back around, and right before Wooyoung started up his actions again, Seonghwa shifted, leaning more into you than before and you held your breath, worried he’d wake up, but thankfully he didn’t. This gave Wooyoung free reign to once again continue on, and this time he was determined to push you over the edge, plunging his fingers in and out of you just as he knew you liked as his thumb rubbed your clit once again. His only goal was to get you to fall apart for him, and since they were close to their destination, he had to do it quickly. 

Your breathing sped up as he quickly brought you to the edge, one hand accidentally grabbing Seonghwa’s pants as your eyes rolled back as the pleasure of your orgasm rushed through you, tiny whines that thankfully went unheard by the men in front of you. Wooyoung smirked as he watched you fall apart for him finally, slowing down the pace of his thrusts as you came down from your high, removing them once you started squirming from overstimulation.

“Such a good girl for me.” He whispered in your ear, pulling his fingers up to his mouth to taste you and cleaning them off at the same time. 

Your head fell onto his shoulder as you tried to get your breathing back under control after Wooyoung’s actions. You closed your eyes, exhausted after having to keep quiet for so long, when you felt fingers run along your folds once again. Squirming and thinking it was Wooyoung, you opened your eyes to quietly scold him, only to find that the arm under your skirt didn’t belong to him, instead belonging to the man who was supposed to be sleeping. Watching the hand emerge from under your skirt, you watched as he pulled his fingers up to his mouth, his tongue darting out to lick at his soaked fingers, cleaning them of your cum.

“If you’re going to try and play games back here, you really ought to be more discreet, Wooyoung. Though, darling, you do taste divine.” Seonghwa commented, almost as if it was a casual everyday thing to talk about. He sat up straight once again, but not before he winked at you, making you blush.

[kittensbooksart]

I made a doll

After making historical doll clothing, I got this idea that what if I made a doll myself. I was coveting a doll I could sew clothes for and then pose them for the clothing, but I don't really like that much of any of the design of commercial posable dolls and I'm broke so I can't in good conscience buy an artisan ball jointed doll (and I anyway don't like how thin most of them are). So I did the reasonable thing - I bought very cheep air dry clay (I do have "normal" clay but I don't have access to ceramic oven and it takes much longer to dry it and burn it etc, and I was literally just trying this out) and just started making it myself. I didn't plan ahead because it felt very overwhelming since I have never customized dolls beyond making them clothing and repainting their faces nor have I ever even owned a ball jointed doll. I went with the learning through mistakes rather than theory. The route I most often take. So just bear with me (real doll makers I'm sorry for the cringe).

Without further ado, here's Aune, my vampire OC (from my wip Be All My Sins).

I wanted to make her look like a porcelain doll, because I love their aesthetics. I did lean towards more realism than they were historically like though. Here's all her body parts before painting. (Some of the pieces in the picture are not actually fully smoothed and sanded, but it is right before I started painting the face. My brain just works in a way, where I jump around between the working stages. I'm very much incapable of doing anything organized and straight forwardly.) I have been wanting to do clay sculpting for a long time (it was so fun, when I was a kid in afternoon art school), and this was small scale enough to be manageable so it was so much fun. I will be definitely making more.

Here's her face before and after the paint. I'm quite happy on how the face sculpt turned out, but the paint job was a bit messy. As I mentioned I have done couple of repaints of doll faces, but I'm still not very good at it. When I paint traditionally I'm not often this detail oriented and painting on a 3D surface feels very different.

Here she is before and after getting her hair. I made her hair from wool yarn just by unraveling the yarn. It's the first time I made doll hair and I didn't want to buy proper doll hair for this or learn to curl it (I don't even have any curling irons or literally any other hair shaping appliances than a hair dryer, which I don't even use for my hair but for painting with water colors). It doesn't fall down nicely, but it has roughly the look I was going for.

Because I didn't plan at all ahead, the proportions are a little wonky (her arms especially are too thin imo and he legs could have a little more shape too) and the joints are not great. Worst of the joints was the hips, which attach to the torso in a weird way. The biggest issue that I had was not taking into account how much the varnish would add to the size. It's not a visible amount, but enough to make fit of the joints very poor and basically making it very hard for her to stand. (Her index fingers already broke of when she fell from my desk after I had made her stand there djfkjds. I was able to glue them back.)

Here's couple more picture of her!

It's not perfect at all, but I do still love her if only because it's such a cool feeling to be able to just have a lump of clay and two weeks later have a posable doll. It somehow feels magical to be just able to make a real physical thing from scratch.

[cherrrydragon]

➤ find something worth saving (it's all for the taking)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: THE TALK(S)

← back to chapter list

SUMMARY ↳ You get some insight from some friends. And not friends. It's you. Despite everything, it's been you. pairing: jon kent x gn!reader x damian wayne warnings: none wc: 3.5k

New York welcomes Spinnerette back with open arms.

Several articles span over night, questioning the disappearance and sudden return. They’ll have to keep questioning, because there will be no official statement from you. You’re Spinnerette, not Tony Stark, aka Iron Man.

One of the first things you do is go pick up your order at Delmar’s. It’s been far too long since you’ve tasted heaven.

Pepper comes up with a simple cover story as to why [Name] [L.Name] was gone from public eye. It’s elegant in its simplicity: during the time [Name] [L.Name] was absent from the public eye, they were undertaking an extended philanthropic research expedition abroad, focusing on humanitarian efforts and technological research in developing countries  in order to prepare for when they eventually take over as CEO to Stark Industries.

Delmar doesn’t ask too many questions, anyway. He only says how he’s glad you’re back and gives you your order.

You happily munch on it as you watch New York’s sunset. The view from Avengers Tower is always nice. It casts a warm, golden glow over the skyline, a picturesque reminder of why you love this city so much. The gentle breeze carries the distant sounds of traffic.

“Why are you having these thoughts?”

Wanda’s voice is soft but perceptive, her presence a comforting familiarity. She moves gracefully, even in her casual pajamas, and joins you by the edge, her gaze fixed on the horizon.

“What thoughts?” you ask, knowing it’s futile. You can try and pretend all you want, but the heart wants what the heart wants. Even without Wanda’s powers, she could’ve easily figured you out.

Wanda turns her head slightly, her eyes meeting yours with a knowing look. “You know exactly what thoughts,” she says gently.

You sigh, taking another bite of your sandwich, buying yourself a moment to gather your thoughts. The flavors are as delightful as you remembered, but they do little to distract from the weight of Wanda’s words.

The sky turns darker, with the sun sinking lower, casting long shadows across the city. Wanda waits patiently, her gaze never leaving you. The silence stretches, comfortable and familiar, but charged with unspoken words.

"I missed this place," you finally say, your voice barely above a whisper. "I missed the people, the energy... but…" you hesitate, unsure if you want to voice the thoughts swirling in your mind.

Wanda reaches out, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. "It's okay to feel conflicted," she says softly. "You’ve been through much. It's natural to question things."

You nod slowly, absorbing Wanda's words. The city below seems to hum with a life of its own, oblivious to the inner turmoil tugging at your thoughts. You take another bite of your sandwich.

"I guess I just didn't expect everything to feel so... different," you admit quietly, gazing out at the skyline. "I thought coming back would be like slipping into an old pair of shoes, but it's more like trying to break in new ones. I got so used to life over there.”

Wanda nods, humming. Her expression softens, voice gentle. “Jon. And Damian,” she echoes softly. “They’ve been on your mind since you came back.” You nod slowly, acknowledging Wanda's insight. Her ability to grasp the complexities of your thoughts is both comforting and unnerving at times.

"Yeah," you admit, a faint smile touching your lips. "They have." You pause, considering how much to share. "It's like... being torn between two worlds," you continue, your gaze drifting back to the skyline where the last vestiges of daylight paint the buildings in shades of amber. "I've grown close to them in ways I didn't anticipate. Jon's warmth and openness, Damian's... well, his complexities," you chuckle softly.

Wanda listens intently, her presence a calming presence amidst the bustling cityscape. "It sounds like they've left quite an impression," she remarks softly, eyeing your bracelet.

"They have," you affirm, a hint of wistfulness in your tone. "And now, being back here, it's like I'm standing at a crossroads, unsure where to go."

Wanda's eyes are filled with empathy. "Sometimes, the heart knows things before the mind can make sense of them.”

You look at her. "I remember when Vision and I were navigating similar feelings," Wanda begins softly, her voice carrying a nostalgic undertone. "He was... different, not just because of what he was, but because of how he made me feel." Her gaze drifts to the skyline, memories playing across her features like shadows dancing in the fading light.

"It was challenging, trying to reconcile our differences and the worlds we came from," she continues, her tone thoughtful. "But in the end, what mattered most was the connection we shared, the understanding that despite everything, we chose each other."

Her words resonate with you, echoing your own internal struggles. "Did it ever get easier?" you ask quietly, seeking reassurance in her experience.

Wanda smiles softly, expression tinged with fondness. "Not easier, but... clearer," she replies, her gaze returning to meet yours. "Love has a way of guiding us through uncertainty, showing us what truly matters." You don’t know about love exactly, but maybe…

"It's like they've opened doors I didn't even know were there," you confess, a sense of revelation settling over you. "And now, I'm standing here, wondering which ones I should go through.”

Wanda nods understandingly, a soothing presence in the midst of your introspection. "The paths we choose often define us," she muses softly. "But sometimes, it's not about choosing one thing over another, but finding a way to integrate both into who you are."

“What would we do without you, Wanda?” you say in lieu of thanks.

She returns your smile warmly. "Anytime."

With a final glance at the city below, you finish your sandwich, savoring the flavors that remind you of home. Whatever lies ahead, you know you'll face it head on.

You find Tony tinkering away in his lab (because where else would he be?) He looks up as you enter, a small grin spreading across his face. “Pass me that wrench, will you?” You pass Tony the wrench, settling into a comfortable silence as he continues his work. The hum of machinery and occasional sparks fill the air, a familiar backdrop to your thoughts.

Tony mumbles lightly, adjusting a few components on his latest project. "Pepper told me about the cover story," he mentions casually. "Philanthropic research expedition, huh? Not bad."

You chuckle softly. "Pepper has a knack for making things sound believable," you comment, recalling how she effortlessly crafted the narrative to explain your absence.

Tony grins mischievously. "She's got a way with words," he agrees, his gaze flicking back to his work. "So, how was it, really? Did you make friends with Superman?”

“No, I made friends with his son,” you jest.

“Well, of course you did,” he nods seriously. “You have a certain effect on people.”

You place your arms on his desk, leaning. “You know, you were my dad there.”

Tony looks up, eyes boring into yours. For a moment it’s silent. “Made up an identity for myself. Had to, of course. Listed you as my rich dad who was on vacation and had left little ole me all by myself.”

"Ah, playing the absent but wealthy father role, I see. I hope I lived up to your expectations as the neglectful billionaire." He leans back, crossing his arms with mock seriousness. “Though a vacation does sound nice.”

You grin. "They bought it though, surprisingly enough. I think they were more curious about figuring out if I’m Spinnerette or not than my supposed absent father." You lean back. “They did, by the way. But it all worked out.”

Tony chuckles, a hint of pride in his expression. "Well, that's my kid—always keeping them guessing."

“You’ll also be pleased to know that I did a "Tony Stark" while I was there,” you grin, coming up next to him.

“That’s not good.”

“I remade your new element.”

Tony raises a brow, but doesn’t look all that surprised. “You’re becoming just like me. Pepper won’t like that.”

“I was gonna use it to power my way home, put it in my watch somehow, but I didn’t get to use it,” you shrug. “Figure it’ll help their world, anyhow. The blueprints you left in the suit really helped.”

“Gotta take care of my own,” he shrugs.

You smile, the warmth of familiarity easing the lingering tensions from earlier introspection. "You did," you reply sincerely, a fondness in your voice. "It was... comforting, having you there in spirit."

As you watch Tony continue his tinkering, a thought tugs at your mind. You take a deep breath  "Tony, can I ask you something?" you venture, breaking the silence.

"Shoot," he replies, not looking up from his work but clearly attentive.

"How do you know when you're ready to make a decision that could change everything?" you ask, your voice laced with uncertainty.

Tony looks up from his workbench, his expression thoughtful. He sets down his tools and turns to face you fully, his gaze assessing yet warm.

"You're asking the big questions, aren't you?" Tony remarks, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "Decision-making is a blend of gut instinct, logic, and experience. You weigh the risks, consider the consequences, but ultimately, it comes down to what feels right deep down."

You nod, absorbing his words. "But what if both paths feel right in different ways?" you press further, needing clarity on the conflict within you.

“Why should it be two paths? It could be just one.”

Oh. Hm. Guess so.

“Sometimes life’s about finding a way to blend them together, creating a new path that's uniquely yours."

You ponder his words, the gears in your mind turning as you consider the implications. "So, instead of choosing between them, I should look for how they complement each other?" you venture, seeking to clarify your thoughts.

Tony nods approvingly. "Exactly. Integration rather than separation. You're a smart cookie, kid," he says with a wink. “Trust yourself and go for it, [Name].”

His words echo Wanda's earlier sentiments, reinforcing the idea that perhaps the answers you seek lie within your own intuition. You smile gratefully at Tony, feeling a bit of the weight lift off your shoulders. “Thanks, Tony.”

“Anytime, kid.”

The two of you fall into a companionable silence, the hum of machinery and occasional banter filling the air. As Tony returns to his tinkering and you reflect on your journey, a sense of belonging washes over you, grounding you in the familiar embrace of family, wherever they may be.

Later, you leave Tony’s lab, a sense of clarity guiding your steps as you navigate through the halls of Avengers Tower. Thoughts of Jon and Damian linger in your mind, their presence like gentle echoes urging you forward.

You find yourself drawn to the training room, a sanctuary of sorts where you’ve honed your skills and found solace in the rhythm of combat. The familiar scent of sweat and metal greets you as you enter, the training mats beckoning invitingly under the soft glow of overhead lights.

You start with basic stretches, letting muscle memory guide your movements as you flow through familiar routines. Each stretch and strike brings a sense of  familiarity, a reminder of the strength and determination that brought you here.

As you spar with imaginary opponents, the echoes of Wanda’s words linger in your mind. Love, uncertainty, and the paths that lie ahead—all intertwined in a tapestry of choices and possibilities. In the midst of your training, Jon’s warmth and Damian’s complexities come into sharper focus. Their presence in your life has been unexpected yet undeniable, each offering a different perspective and a unique connection that resonates deeply within you.

You spar with renewed vigor, channeling your thoughts and emotions into each movement. The clang of fists against pads and the sound of your own breath become a cadence, a rhythmic heartbeat of determination and contemplation. Hours pass unnoticed, lost in the flow of training and introspection. By the time you finish, exhaustion mingles with a sense of satisfaction.

A week passes. You find yourself hanging out in one of the numerous lounges at Spider-HQ. You and Hobie wrangled some consoles, bean bags, fairy lights and other cozy things in (in spite of Miguel's exasperations) and dubbed this specific one yours. It's a place where you can unwind and escape the responsibilities that come with being the Spider.

Gwen, Hobie and Pav have taken to playing a ferocious game of Mario Kart. You and all your kindness have decided to help Miles with his Spanish homework. Miles listens attentively, occasionally interjecting with questions or sharing anecdotes about his latest escapades.

You sit down next to Miles, flipping open the textbook with a grin. "Alright, buckle up Miles.. ¿Listo? you ask cheerfully, ready to dive into the conjugations and vocabulary with him.

Miles chuckles nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, thanks for helping out with this. Spanish isn't my strongest subject."

You tsk. “Shameful.” He shoves you playfully in retaliation. As you guide Miles through the homework, laughter and banter fill the air, mingling with the sounds of Mario Kart battles and friendly debates over strategy. It's a relaxed atmosphere, a welcome break from the weightier decisions and reflections of the past week.

You sigh eventually, leaning your face into your hand. “How do you do it, Miles?”

“I don’t,” he scoffs, thinking you're referring to the Spanish. “That’s why you’re here.”

You snort, sliding away his assignment. “I mean, how is it so easy for you to just… be you?”

Miles looks at you quizzically, a playful smirk tugging at his lips. "Being me? It's not always easy, you know," he replies with a hint of sincerity beneath his playful tone. "But I guess I just try to focus on what matters to me, you know? Like family, friends, and doing what's right."

You nod thoughtfully, considering his words. "Yeah, I get that," you say, a small smile forming. "It's about staying true to yourself, even when things get complicated."

"Exactly!" Miles exclaims, his enthusiasm infectious. "You've got to figure out what works for you and roll with it. I mean, look at you—you've got this whole dual life thing down don’t you?”

You chuckle softly, a hint of self-deprecation in your tone. "Maybe not always as smoothly as I'd like."

"But you're doing it," Miles insists, his gaze earnest. "And that's what counts. You're making it work. Just, do your own thing,” he trails off, looking at Gwen. It’s no secret that there is something going on between them.

Well, if that is testament enough, then what is?

“...There’s a first time for everything.”

Later, as the night winds down and your friends begin to disperse, you linger in the lounge for a moment of quiet contemplation. With a final glance around the room, you rise to your feet.

There is one more person you’d like to talk to.

This New York isn’t so different from your own. It looks the same, sounds the same, and feels the same. You even spot a Delmar's while you swing around. The nighttime lights blur into streaks as you move. The rhythm of your movements, the thwip of your webs, and the distant sounds of the city create a symphony of familiarity.

You land gracefully on a rooftop, taking a moment to survey the skyline. There’s an Avengers Tower, standing tall and proud in the distance, a beacon of strength. As you catch your breath, you feel a presence nearby—a silent observer, familiar and comforting.

familiar

“Never thought I’d see you here,” they hum. Coming to a stop beside. The spider symbol on their chest is the same since you last saw it. When they visited you to give you the catalyst back in the other universe.

The Spider that threw you there in the first place.

Strange times, huh?

“I guess you found your way?” they ask, fiddling with their web-shooters.

“I guess I did,” you hum. You gaze at them for a moment, the shared history and intertwined destinies palpable between you.

“So, to what do I owe the visit? Not that I’m not grateful that you’re not body-slamming me on sight, because I am.” That gets a chuckle out of you, and they seem to relax a little.

“I’m not so angry these days,” you explain. “Other things on my mind and all.”

“Fair enough,” they concede, their tone softening. They lean against the ledge beside you, their gaze fixed on the city below. “Seems like you've been through… a lot,” they observe quietly, their voice carrying a hint of understanding.

You nod. Silence settles between you, comfortable yet charged with unspoken questions. You study their profile, noticing the subtle shifts in their demeanor, the echoes of shared experiences between your worlds.

“I’m sorry,” they finally say, their voice tinged with genuine remorse. “For everything that happened back then.”

You turn to them, meeting their gaze with a mix of forgiveness and acceptance. “I know,” you reply softly, acknowledging the weight of their words. “We both made choices, good and bad. It’s... part of who we are.”

“As Spiders?” they question hands reaching up to hook under their mask.

“As Spiders,” you agree, eyes watching as their mask slips up.

It’s you.

Despite everything, it’s been you.

Your double, or perhaps you can call them your alternate counterpart, nods in understanding, their expression mirroring the mix of determination and conflict you feel within yourself.

“I’ll be damned,” you mutter as your own suit gives away to reveal your face.

“I suspected, when we had that talk. The one where you were probably gonna kill me,” they chuckle softly. “You said you were the only [Name], and it could’ve just been a dumb coincidence…”

“Dumb coincidences don’t really happen to us.”

They shake their head. “No, they don’t.”

You lean against the ledge, feeling tired all of a sudden. “So, who is it? Who captures the heart of [Name] [L.Name]? An MJ? Gwen Stacy? Black Cat?” Maybe you secretly like to suffer, and that’s why you ask.

They snort, head hanging. “Not sure who they are, but since you're asking…”

“...there’s these guys,” they grin softly, sheepishly, “named Jon and Damian.”

And your will completely gives away.

“Jon’s real sweet, complete cutie. Ball of sunshine, and really pretty eyes. Damian’s a rich piece of work, but he’s honest and loyal. Also really pretty eyes.”

You look into their eyes, wide and disbelieving. “Are they… so do… Superboy and Robin exist here?”

They look at you confused. “Batman? Superman?” you implore. “Not even.. the comics?”

They purse their lips and shake their head. “They’re just normal guys,” they mutter softly.

Your counterpart's words hang in the air, mingling with the cool breeze that sweeps across the rooftop. You can't help but laugh softly, shaking your head in disbelief. "Can’t believe it," you mutter, a smile tugging at your lips.

“I’m the one who isn’t normal,” they smile dryly. “They didn’t know anything about me until I got back. They were so worried sick, and I realized how much they care about me. What better time to tell them everything?”

“And it was worth telling them?”

“I love them, of course it was,” they shrug, like it’s just that simple. “They see me now, as both [Name] and Spinnerette. I wouldn’t give that for anything.”

You feel a surge of warmth and hope at their words, realizing that perhaps your own path can lead to a similar sense of acceptance and belonging. "It's good to hear that it worked out for you," you say sincerely.

Your counterpart smiles, a glimmer of understanding in their eyes. "It can work out for you too.”

You guess no one would know you better than you.

“Thanks,” is all you say.

“Anytime,” is all they say, nodding at you with a gentle smile before shooting a web swinging away into the night, disappearing amidst the glowing cityscape.

You remain on the rooftop for a while longer, lost in thought. The skyline stretches before you, a tapestry of lights and shadows that mirror the complexities of your own life. The pieces of a puzzle are slowly coming together, guiding you towards a path that feels uniquely yours.

With renewed determination, you take to the skies once more, letting the rhythm of your swings carry you forward. The night air is crisp and alive with possibility, each movement a step towards embracing yourself and your desires.

As you land on the familiar (familiar, but not yours) balcony of Avengers Tower, you take a moment to savor the view. The city stretches out beneath you, a testament to home. You made it back to a place that feels like home, where friendships and connections intertwine to create a tapestry of support and understanding.

You take a deep breath, feeling a sense of peace settle over you. Jon and Damian are waiting for you.

“Trust yourself and go for it, [Name].”

“I’m ready,” you whisper to yourself, a quiet affirmation that echoes in the night.

“There’s a first time for everything.”

You input a location into your Web-watch.

"It can work out for you too.”

You step into the bright amalgamation of light.

notes: does that parallel i mentioned in chap 14 make sense now? lol

[rottenpumpkin13]

Out of Context Shit Heard on the SOLDIER floor #4

A portion of these were sent in/inspired by an ask sent by @strawberrysnortshake

Zack: Ironically this isn't the first time I've accidentally eaten chalk.

Angeal: Attention everyone we're now taking votes. Raise your hand if you would sleep with Sephi—I DIDN'T FINISH SAYING HIS NAME PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN.

Kunsel: We're all out of duct tape. Angeal used the last of it to tape Genesis to the ceiling.

Sephiroth: Are you satisfied with your fish sticks, Zackary?

Genesis: Why does it smell like mommy issues in here—oh hi, Sephiroth.

Zack: I'm officially 23% goat milk.

Genesis: Well well well if it isn't my old nemesis, Heterosexuality.

Zack: Aww! 🥰 You're the antichrist!

Cloud: Yeah you're a SOLDIER alright, a sold your ass.

Zack: Where are we supposed to put this giant clown statue?

Lazard: WHY do you have a giant clown statue?

Sephiroth walking towards Genesis's office with a flamethrower: The goddess has had it good for far too long.

Essai: If we all chip in, we can finally buy Kunsel a face.

Genesis: I guess this means that the box labeled used illegal knick-knacks is off limits?

Roche: let's all dance maniacally and pretend we're gay!

Lazard: ANGEAL THAT ELEVATOR IS COMING OUT OF YOUR PAYCHECK!

Sephiroth: Are you, as the kids say, flexing on 'em?

Zack: Does anyone know what happened to my Sephiroth scented candle?

Sephiroth: I'll add murder supplies and can of whipped cream to the shopping list.

Luxiere: Let me guess, nobody cared about your light up sneakers?

Zack: 🎶 We take the pain out of paint 🎶

Roche: Have a slutty, slutty evening, director.

Angeal: Gen, can you let me have a cup of coffee before you start divulging your theories on why Cloud Strife is a time traveler?

Zack: I am going to default dance my way through hell!

Cloud: Cool trick! I'm a wizard now.

Genesis: I will start rumors about your sex life.

Lazard: Sephiroth I can't fire you, but I can mysteriously make sure you go bald.

Kunsel: This is a cave. Nothing really matters.

Sephiroth: how does one acquire a leprechaun? Can you order one online?

Roche: Commander Rhapsodos is so pretty. He reminds me of a prostitute.

Sephiroth: Genesis got me a journal for my birthday. I think I'm supposed to write down my feelings but I don't have enough pages for that.

Kunsel: when will we be free from the chains of foot pictures?

Genesis: If I find drugs in this office I'm confiscating it for my own personal use.

Lazard: Would anyone care to explain why there was a condom filled with grape jelly in the break room?

Zack(drunk): Good evening, my esteemed bastards.

Angeal: Bullying is only allowed on the SOLDIER floor if it makes Genesis cry.

Sephiroth: Mental healthn't.

Kunsel: is anyone here familiar with the concept of witchcraft? we're hexing Commander Rhapsodos at dawn.

Luxiere: Here kitty kitt—Oh that is a huuuge cat—OH IT'S GENERAL SEPHIROTH.

Angeal: Why did you spell salmonella as Sal Minella???? Who's Sal???

Sephiroth, while walking towards his office with an entire pie and a fork: Do not presume to question my actions.

Lazard: If we suffer any more budget cuts we're going to use Zack's hair as a broom.

Sephiroth: Which one of you locked Director Lazard in the Janitor's closet?

Cloud, watching Genesis recite LOVELESS: The evil gay red man is at it again.

[bobbydagen24]

I wonder if in the next Christmas special we could see Branch trying to hide his old hermit days from his brothers while planning the perfect family Christmas.

so maybe we see over the course of the next Christmas special Bro zone coming to Pop Village to spend this first Christmas together.

and Branch goes to great lengths to try and hide details of his past from them and just gets too over focused on making sure the Christmas is perfect and has no problems.

like maybe Branch is ashamed or even afraid of being judged as some sorta freak like a lot of the village thought of him as for all those years.

so when the Brothers insist on seeing his home while their in the village he panics and pretty much changes everything about it to make it appear more Troll like.

probably adding lots of bright colours and bright flowers and maybe even stuff like discarded wrappers to imply that he throws parties there often just like everyone else in the village does.

and of course hiding all of his own stuff like the rations and the weapons and maybe painting over the crazy wall writings he had.

and maybe as he's showing them around the village he gets some harsh stares and attitudes from certain people and his brothers question him on why these people would be mad at him.

and Branch thinks back to all the special occasions he ruined for people when he kept warning them about the Bergens only for them to be false alarms.

but Branch just nervously tells his bros he can't remember and awkwardly rushes them along on the tour 😂😂😂😂

just so he can make things appear more normal and perfect for their first family Christmas back together maybe even actively changing the subject whenever the brothers try and ask about his life during the past 20+ years.

but Branch trying to make everything perfect ironically gets to the point where the Brothers get annoyed with him since he was acting pretty similar to how JD used to.

and they finally question him on his odd behaviour although they kinda already know the reason why he's been so desperate for things to be perfect.

but they are still fairly clueless and worried about what he's obviously trying to hide from them in regards to his home and the fact he won't talk much about his life.

and this time when Branch nervously tries to shrug it off they act a bit firmer towards him saying they need to talk about this now as they've kept putting it off.

and when he tries to downplay it maybe just saying something as simple as he was obviously a bit upset and went Grey for a little while but he moved on and lived pretty normally for most of the years afterwards.

but the brothers don't buy it and they point out multiple things they found around the Bunker like weapons and traps and maybe they even uncovered the crazy wall writings he tried to hide.

( plus Gary if we're allowed to include him in this cannon lol )

anyway after all this poking and prodding Branch finally goes off on a bit of an emotional tangent maybe saying something along the lines of "" fine what do you want to hear? that I was some Grey freak who hid underground for years that everyone saw me as some crazy person who ruined everything for everyone else that I practically spent every moment of everyday thinking about nothing but the Bergens and fearing they could come back at any moment well fine you win you happy now? happy I grew up to be some freak who's always going to stand out from everyone else because no matter how much I change people around here are always going to remember and even if they didn't all they'd have to do is look at me and they'd know ""

maybe he says all this and turns away looking down in shame with slightly teary eyes but his bros just Hug him rather than Judge him like he maybe feared.

yep good old angst 😅😅😅😅 tho I'm not exactly 100 percent sure how to end the story but anyway what do you think about this as a concept for a future special?

[leiandroid]

otayuri week | day five - workplace au

otabek works the nightshift of a movie store, and yuri is a film and photography student that comes to rent&buy movies.

@otayuriweek22

canons and scenes of this verse discussed at length under the cut >>

as usual, i can't write for shit and bridge ideas to anything cohesive or create dialogue that isn't cringe and unnatural so have this list instead (i need y'all to get the full picture ya know) >>

yuri is a film & photography student (more interested in photography over film, which ended up meaning he has a lacking knowledge of movies and the programme requires him to know and watch a lot of them)

otabek is the night shift worker of the movie store. georgi works the day shifts.

yuri started going there to rent/buy movies. at first he went during the day and had initially asked georgi for suggestions but after his third time coming back with georgi's recommendations, which was another over dramatic and terrible romance, he stopped asking. one day, he was late going home from university so he stopped by the movie place at night and that's when he first met otabek on his night shift.

otabek is a semi-pretentions "film not movies" kind of guy, when he saw the stack of films yuri intended to leave with he didn't say anything, only had a look on his face which yuri straight up asked "what's that look for asshole?" to which otabek said nothing and just rang up the tapes and asked "you buying or renting?"

when he returned the movies the next time it was during the day, and yuri went back to rent movies some nights later after evening classes. this time, when he entered the shop otabek was digging through a box of new arrivals and was stacking them on the shelves. yuri browsed whatever movies were on display til curiosity brought him to the box and he asked otabek if there was anything interesting to watch in there.

otabek, finally puts his largely useless (but in this case, useful to yuri) movie knowledge to action. he rifles through the tapes and hands him a film. yuri looks at it with with pursed lips but takes it anyway "this better be good" he warns. otabek just shrugs. yuri adds 2 other movies to take with him from the new arrivals.

this time yuri intentionally returns at night to catch otabek, he puts the tapes on the counter and says "i liked it" then turns away to go peruse the movies. he comes back with 3, and otabek rings them up as yuri watches with mild interest. then asks if he has another recommendation to which otabek stops what he's doing, bites into the lollipop (cherry) he was sucking on, and chews on it as he goes around the counter and walks towards a specific shelf and grabs a tape off of it and rings it up without consulting or showing it to yuri. yuri rolls his eyes before leaving.

yuri takes notice of several things: otabek has a barbell piercing on his left eyebrow, an eagle tattoo on his neck with the wings wrapping around the sides (the lattice of the kazakhstan flag is a band tattooed around his left upper thigh, but yuri doesn't know of it), and a small hoop earring on his right ear. (the gay ear). (also this is set in the 90s). yuri momentarily wonders if he's gay but immediately dismisses it because otabek seems painfully straight and concludes he probably just didn't know about it. it's more ironic than a rule anyway.

yuri has both ears pierced with black studs. he likes to wear rings on both hands and carries his camera with him everywhere. he develops his own photos, has developed them for a long time. he had a bugdet redroom he made in his wardrobe at home in moscow (with blackout curtains, drilling a hole into the back to put in a bulb he painted red, and lined the floor of it with a basin and enlarger). now he uses the university's lofty development studio and practically lives in it. (they are in st petersburg).

otabek smokes and when he isn't smoking he sucks on lollipops and hard candies, his preferred flavour is cherry but he fucks with cola flavour too. he bites lollipop sticks to shreds through the course of his shifts. he tries to keep it to 2 smoke breaks maximum during his shift. the nights are slow so if he doesn't have that self imposed restriction he could spend the entire night on the curb outside the shop smoking till someone came in.

there are bins of candy and snacks on the counter of the movie store, otabek helps himself to the hard candies and lollipops regularly. he drops in a weekly tenner in the register to cover the cost of what he takes (it doesn't, but he deems it close enough).

weeks pass by in similar fashion, otabek's movie recommendations keep making their way into yuri's purchases, they talk about the movies every time yuri comes back to exchange tapes for new ones. yuri rants about the arthouse movies, deciding he hates the genre. he cites that photography is for telling fragmented stories, movies are for telling complete ones. those pretentious films that tell nothing but drone on and on with useless imagery and jarring soundtracks make him furious with hate. otabek drops in an especially awful film of that genre just to piss yuri off and hear the epic rant that yuri will no doubt have prepared for the next visit.

up until that point, all of their interactions have been in the movie store. one day whilst otabek was driving through the streets on his motorbike, he spots yuri and pulls up to him to say hello. yuri had just finished class and was going to grab a bite to eat and asked otabek if he wanted to come with. they become friends. they hang out frequently.

otabek is a hacker by trade. he learns code and hacking shit and does odd jobs for companies to test their security networks by breaking into them and giving them a rundown on their weaknesses and what they need to lock their shit down better. he lives on energy drinks and cigarettes and thinks working out offsets his unhealthy lifestyle.

a handful of times otabek and yuri go into the backroom to watch a movie together from the pile yuri intends to rent. otabek keeps the door slightly ajar, plus there's a small cctv set up of the store in case a customer walks in whilst they're in there.

otabek discovers two things: one, yuri does not shut the fuck up during a movie, and two, his commentary is hilarious. yuri also discovers two things: one, otabek tastes like candy sweet ashes, and two, the earring was definitely a signal.

EXTRA

some details about the shop itself since they wouldn't leave my head and it's hard to represent it in 1 drawing. the shop in the art looks way more clean and official than it does in my head. in reality it's a more dilapidated back alley shop with shitty lighting, old movie posters and sellotape marks littering the walls. the walls have some stains from previous water damage. it smells of air freshner, dust, and a hint of cigarette smoke.

i'm operating on 0 knowledge of a russia in the mid 90s and just borrowing details from unofficial/pirating dvd stores from my home country, but the place makes copies of movies to sell. original vhs tapes are for rent, whereas copies are sold. the backroom is a work station for downloading movies on shitty dial up and copying vhs tapes. the backroom smells of stale smoke since otabek sometimes smokes in there whilst running the recording machines and downloads, etc. he was hired because he knows how to rip files and find movies and hack his way into movie databases to get new/old/obscure releases.

if they don't carry a movie that a customer wants then they can request it and otabek will click around the internet to find and download it and put it on a tape. in the picture, otabek is holding empty vhs tapes that he plans to record movies on to. the shelves have the legit movie copies, but if you want to buy them, a copy is made and you're given a regular tape with its factory sleeve and the movie title written on the label.

they sell and rent originals of russian movies bc they're not hard to obtain and are in demand, especially ones that star russia's heart throb viktor nikiforov (he is especially popular amongst mothers). christophe and the crispino siblings are actors in this verse.

yuri primarily rents the original movies and comes back to buy copies of ones he really really likes after returning them.

the shop is owned by yakov, georgi works the dayshift, and otabek works the nightshift. yakov mostly leaves them to their own devices bc they do a good job. georgi and otabek think he really should hire one more person so they can have some liberty to switch around their shifts when needed but yakov is a stingy old fuck that does his best to not have money leave his pockets. they are open from 8AM to 12AM. they're one of the more popular movie stores in the area since they carry a lot of western movies that aren't easy to find elsewhere and for so cheap.

10pm to 12am are pretty dead hours which otabek uses for pirating shit. similarly the early hours of the dayshift have light traffic so that's when georgi finishes otabek's work from the night prior.

[captainx-camino]

I got Buggy done yesterday just in time for my local Japanese Festival event today so, here are some highlights:

Starting off small, here's the wig (and scarf, which I didn't make) chilling on my wig head waiting for me to struggle to put it on.

90% of the work I did on this wig is going to be covered the entire time I'm wearing it, but did I let that stop me from hand laying an entire glued hairline? Lmao of course not! That would have been easy, and we don't do easy in this house!

As stated above, I didn't make the cap I just got one online simply because I was having shit luck finding the striped fabrics I would have needed and the idea of having to sew two different stripes together was giving me hives.

Ascot, vest, gloves and glove cuffs~ In other words, 90% of the work of this costume and his accessory friends.

The Ascot was stitched together by my lovely partner via the piss poor instructions I was able to give them on how I wanted it made. Seriously, give them a round of applause for somehow decoding my incoherent babbling. This is beautiful. @kadaverc0splay did a fantastic job.

The gloves are just purchased leather fencing gloves of which I fold under the length and hide it under the cuffs I made, which are simply craft foam, paint, and buckles I had to order online with almost not enough time to get them because, for some reason, craft stores no longer find it necessary to carry and assortment of styles and sizes of buckles. *Internal screaming*

*sharp inhale* Ok. The vest. *Reconsiders every life choice he's ever made* This thing is a BEAST. It was a pain to make, it's a pain to wear, the leather belting that secures the garment closed is held on by glue, prayers, and human sacrifice via my own blood, sweat, and tears. It took me more hours than I care to even think about, let alone admit, to do all the top stitching on this godforsaken goblin of a clown man and that's not even half of the ironic tragedy that gathering the supplies for this disaster was.

Not only did I have to replace more than one of the FIVE DIFFERENT TYPES OF RIBBON AND TRIM THIS BASTARD HAS ON HIS VEST but nowhere had everything I needed in enough yards to complete anything I needed done, so I had to make several trips and buy several different things to finish any part of it. INCLUDING THE BUCKLES, which arrived here Thursday...for an event today. So, that was fun.

Oh, and also, the white ribbon is wired, but the wire refused to be pulled out, so it's just in there now I guess. Lucky me!

(the belts aren't entirely accurate, but I'll save adding the additional headache that will cause for the con I'll be wearing this to next spring. I'm tired.)

Buggy's many belts of despair and loathing...

I swear the cosplay gods are never kind to me, but tricking me into thinking this was going to go well because I was able to get some good sized chunks of real, genuine leather for dirt cheap? Not cool, guys!

The leather was chocolate brown and not black, as I had previously believed it to be upon purchase. So, it had to be painted with latex paint. (Thank you again, pretty boy, I seriously couldn't have done it without you. Seriously.) Actually , another round of applause for all the belts being painted by my partner, because they also painted the foam under belt for me. Because he was smart and got his costume done several days ago.

Not me. I'm not that bright. No. But alas, we trudge forward.

And by trudge...

These boots weren't made for walking, these boots were made for traversing through the dusty floor of the fun house you've built around yourself to forget how salty your rat ex has left you - AND IT SHOWS!

Ignore my poorly made foam buckles. I'm not going to repeat myself about that bs, lest I may sink back into a depressive state equaled only by my ability to pass it off as a joke. These crumpled, sad black asskickers were originally brown! And suede. Don't ask me how I got them to look like old, worn leather. I simply fell into a dissociative state and awoke with black boots and no memory of where I'd been. The belts are foam, and the weird pattern on his tongue is simply a quilting square from Joanne fabrics that I glued on and then mod podged over.

As stated above, the buckles are foam and painted. They look awful, but if anyone is close enough to my feet to say something about it, my foot is going to need to detach to be removed from betwixt their teeth.

The entire costume was also weathered by @kadaverc0splay (including the pants, which are not pictured here because I didn't really do anything to them) while I cried over the wig that you won't see most of so you know what, just send all your praise to them I'm not even here all I did was top stitch and cry.

All in all, and in true Buggy fashion, the build of this costume was entirely, and regrettably, failing upward. Because, hot damn, did it come together. 🔥

See you at Aki Matsuri.

I never want to do this again~!

[robinsnest2111]

Here's the promised Def Leppard/Mötley Crüe concert experience post <3

Under a read more because I don't want to hit any of you with this giant wall of text, videos and photos without any way to skip past lol

I arrived at the venue with time to spare, saw many people in just black bandshirts (for comfort which I totally get. Not everyone's as extra as me who dresses up like he's Mick Mars' stunt double in the 80s lol)

I sadly had to throw away my umbrella. It wasn't allowed inside the pit. I get it, hazard and whatnot. The 4€ fee to have someone look after it and only a half hour window to get it back after the concert ended seemed not worth it for a cheap umbrella so buying a new one on monday it is.

I got myself a shirt as soon as I got in. The choices were not great, gotta admit. Mötley Crüe seem to be going for some japanese-esque Samurai-inspired graphic for their new era (felt like an Iron Maiden copy-ish thing to me, not my thing)

The rest of the black shirts were meh, either too plain or prominently featuring John 5. The only shirt with Mick on it was a pale pink and was 5 bucks more expensive than everything else. All shirts and tank tops, both for Mötley Crüe and Def Leppard, were 45 bucks each (rip my June budget fr), bandanas were 25 bucks, basecaps and limited edition signed prints 35 bucks, etc. The Mötley keychains were all sold out by the end of the night, else I would've gotten one of those. My Iron Maiden keychain from 2018 is looking a bit worn and I would've loved to have a new one but oh well. I can still try and DIY one myself. I wanna get more into bleach-painting and patch making and embroidery anyway so it'd be great practice!

I had a t-shirt and tank top by the end of the night lol

---

After the initial shirt purchase I still had ample time for a toilet break (and a sip of free sink water) after almost 2 hours of travel time and found a nice space in the crowd somewhere in the middle distance from where I could see most of the action on stage.

A local rock radio station did the pre-gig music entertainment. I also met 2 nice dudes who are in a band called Nathanael and play Victorian folk metal! They handed me their business card and I will definitely check them out as soon as I can, maybe even go to one of their gigs soon?

Between the rock radio station signing off and the start of the actual gigs they played some other songs to keep the crowd entertained, Fox On The Run by The Sweet among others! A personal mini highlight 🦊💕

Mötley Crüe was up first and they took their sweet time to actually get on stage.

There was a pretty long classical music piece playing before their proper intro sequence.

The official start was supposed to be around 6.30 pm but they got on stage at sometime around 7.30pm? My inner punctuality freak was not amused but it is what it is lol

I loved the song selection, knew almost all of them but had trouble singing along for reasons other than my Swiss cheese brain. Not sure if it was intentional or just very unluckily adjusted speakers but most of what I heard of the songs was the droning of the subwoofers. Most of Vince's vocals and a bit of Nikki's bass, John's guitar and Tommy's drums were drowned out by the reverb of the sound system and the overwhelming boom of the speakers. Kinda disappointing. It also rendered the audio of most of the videos I filmed during their set useless. But ah well.

As this was my first time seeing Mötley Crüe on stage I have no idea if it's a common thing for the sexy dancer ladies to have their own mics and sing some of Vince's parts? It didn't matter much due to the aforementioned "subwoofer drowning out most of the sound" issue lol

And how could I forget the tits cam zooming in on the crowd, at dear Tommy's request. I guess if you're famous enough you can simply ask to see your fans' tits and most of them happily oblige. I've never seen so many tits out in the wild/on the big screens, it was strange. But it firmly cemented just how wildly asexual I am. Although I am capable of appreciating some nice boobies from an aesthetic point of view no problem, they don't do anything for me beyond that haha

Strangely, the only song the audio was fine on was Home Sweet Home. I really wish I could've heard more of Vince's voice in the other songs like that :')

John 5's formal intro was an almost 2 minutes long guitar solo, not sure how to feel about that. Like yes, he's good, he has the skills, but. Eh.

(Loved the violin bow on guitar strings intro to Kickstart My Heart tho, that was kinda cool :P)

Nikki and Vince introducing their older more well known songs with "Wanna hear more of our old shit?" rubbed me the wrong way? On the other hand Nikki said the band loves Germany (he even waved the German flag on stage) and loves the crowd so, eh. I guess I'm a weenie and that's just how they are haha

Also got a little sad about them changing some of the lyrics to Smoking In The Boys Room (from "my buddies Sixx, Mick and Tom" to "my buddies Sixx, 5 and Tom") and the caricature and logo on the screens near the end of their set featuring John 5 instead of Mick. I wasn't quick enough to get a photo because the sadness of a new Mick-less Crüe era hit me full force in that moment. Can't help that my brain is hyperfixating on Mick Fucking Mars and that I missed him dearly all night long :'))))))

At least they didn't cut him out of any of the 80s footage video edits playing on the big screens during some songs. It would've been pretty asshole-ish if they did. Like completely erasing him from their band history.

On a lighter note: Vince introducing Nikki as his brother, who he has known for over 40 years, and their little in-sync swaying back and forth with the mic stand and bass respectively moment with them laughing and talking and exchanging smiles and grins was super cute :') <3

Also Tommy receiving a small bouquet of roses, smiling, and then proceeding to stuff them down the front of his pants lmao

And that was that for Mötley Crüe

A little break in-between, enough time for another trip to the loo and afterwards sip some more water from the sink like an animal (not gonna pay anything over 5€ for a puny little cup of water from the overpriced beverage stands, no sir)

Def Leppard were in another league compared to Mötley Crüe! Their sound was PERFECT. Very harmonic, powerful, you could hear everyone SO WELL!!! None of the pesky subwoofer problem the Crüe had, and they all looked like they had so much fun!!! I'm not as well-versed with Def Leppard's discography and all the band members (yet), but everyone looked great in their stage outfits! The lights and background videos were so nice too!!!

And they played the 2 songs I do know (Foolin' and Pour Some Sugar On Me)

but also a bunch of songs from the album they worked on during the worst of the pandemic years. Which also sounded very good!!! I'm actually considering buying that new album if I see it out in the wild for a decent price.

The background video montage for Photograph was so adorable with all the pictures from the band's history, from the late 70s to present day. They were all such adorable babies back then and seeing all the photos gave me the same warm fuzzies as looking at old band photos and candid shots online does <333

Very much a 180 to Mötley Crüe in every regard, Joe Elliott thanked us in German and English, and told us the band loves us <33

I might actually try to get more into Def Leppard now that I've seen how awesome they are on stage <33

The crowd for Def Leppard was a little older and less rowdy, a very welcome change. Still a bunch of almost blackout drunk people, sloshing their beer everywhere and bumping into everyone around them. One major thing I dislike about bigger concerts tbh.

---

I also got a bunch of compliments on my hair, make up, and outfit throughout the evening <3

Even got called Nikki (and Mick, after informing people of my style influence) a few times lol

A couple older folks said they admired my style and that you don't see many people like me anymore and that I should keep doing my thing because it's so cool to see :')<333

[Some comments bordered on some icky misogynistic topics tho, like "oh girls nowadays are too prissy and not as cool and rock-n-roll and bold and rough-and-tumble as they were in the 80s/like you", etc.

And yes, I let everyone think I'm a girl. Not worth it trying to correct tipsy and/or drunk off their asses metalheads in a loud crowded venue. I don't really pass on a masculine day; much less dressed to the nines, face slathered in theatrical 80s make up and hair backcombed and hairsprayed to hell and back.]

On my way to the train station I got to talking with some other tram passengers heading home after the concert, an older couple and two guys around my age. The couple had pretty cool battle vests, all covered in various pins and patches. One of my favourites was the Zappa For President patch on the lady's vest which made me think of @feeshies , really wish I'd asked for a photo :')

The guys my age roped me into going to a strip club with them instead of going straight home. They even covered the entry fee for me, so I didn't have to pay anything! They were very respectful and I was free to go whenever I pleased. It was interesting to see pole dancers/strippers up close in real life and not only on TV, but it's definitely not for me lol I'm too aroace and neurodivergent for this. The ladies had some badass pole skills tho! Effortlessly dancing in 10 inch platform stilettos and with barely anything covering their bodies? I could never! Kudos to the ladies!

Anyway, it was good I decided to head home around 1am, I could already feel the joint pain creeping up on me. it's full-blown throbbing and piercing agony, 7/10, now. I only got 3 hours of sleep before the aches woke me up the first time orz

But hey, 3 hours and a bit of dozing here and there are better than nothing. I spent Sunday taking it kinda easy, only did a few chores around the house, and went through all the photos and videos i took (111 files in total) of course! I weeded out all the blurry and shaky ones and the few good ones should be peppered throughout this post!

Hope y'all had a good Sunday and Monday <3

[audiovisualrecall]

A list of things I want or need to do.....

Schedule driving lessons

Work on unicorn painting

Work on illustrations for steph book

Work on 'cinderell' comic rewrite/update

Laundry today

Dishes+ run dishwasher today

Schedule dentist appt

Schedule vet visit for Edison- he has a cold or allergies or something, also a growth on one of his toes??, and I want to really in-depth discuss a plan for his weight bc ive had no success. Also he's due for annual vaccinations presumably, so. (Wish blue pearl was not so expensive bc they now have Fear Free vet visits and the difference in his behavior when we went there last time compared to other vets weve gone to was just amazing. He was able to wander around the room and it didn't feel like a typical exam room for pets so he wasn't scared and hiding, he allowed the vet and assistant to poke and prod him and manhandled him even if he wasn't thrilled, he didn't cry or hiss or scratch anyone! But for regular vet visits they're really pricey :/)

Work on Eitan and Zahav story/comic

Work on iron man/dragonriders of pern au story

Buy parts for pvc watering system for garden (need to go with dad) and set up

Work on bookcase (with dad)

Window-shop/buy stuff for steph bridal shower (with ma or on my own, but the best store to go to is far enough I'd rather go by car, and it's more fun to go with someone else and discuss ideas and also less likely to impulse buy everything?)

Go to DSW to get new sneakers (with ma, access by car travel only and easier to have a second opinion on shoes. My current pair I have a hole in the top by my big toe...oops)

Work on website: photograph artwork professionally, edit photos, design website layout and complete that. Add artwork to portfolio gallery on the site, add my photo and about me info. Request refund for the dumb add-on I didn't realize was useless. Make the website what I want it to be. May need to learn coding. Need to slim down choices for artwork to include to only the best stuff it makes sense to include, not just things I like.

Design pride plants stickers/pins

Plan for rainbow enamel or just hard enamel autisticat pins. Also, keychains?

Rework/update etsy listings/items available...

Come up with additional ideas for products. Stickers/prints/pins...keychains?

Fulfil current etsy order - soon

Organize my room - try on clothing, go thru piles of stuff, figure out what to do with certain things and if the new bin will help what to put in it, decide what to put back into drawers and which ones for what items, go thru some other stuff like bank statements, organize receipts, etc

Put shelf above window above curtain rod for displaying some stuffed toys (need dad's help)

Hang up new Queer pride flag (need help, also it's way bigger than I expected so may need to fold some of it behind and stitch it to itself to fit on the wall, need help to pin it up on the wall and probably a second step stool at least)

Look for vases for bridal shower for flowers (with ma or solo)

Go thru and organize stuff on breakfast bar

Plan out a budget - figure out how much I tend to spend on different categories of stuff per week or every 2 weeks or monthly, figure out how much I earn in that time period (if it's weekly it's half of my pay bc I'm paid every other, if it's monthly gotta double that amt, also gotta average it out/pick a general usual amount since depending on how much OT I do my pay is more or less lol). Consolidate that info together to decide on a basic budget for each category/ overall spending for the time period.

make list of things I need/want to buy or tend to buy, marked with priority or how often for repeat purchases, compare with budget for what impulse items/wants I can acquire in a given time frame and which to save for the next etc

Get a new bike or get mine fixed...

Spend time outside/go on walk

Water plants

Draw for fun. Draw tony or stevetony or dragons or cats

Read...

Get ice cream at some pt like tomorrow night if I'm off Thursday or on Thursday if I'm off Friday 🥺🥺🥺

Plan days to do activities! Kayaking/beach/farmers market/street fair/museum. With steph?

Plan to do something fun w work friends outside of work

Pride fest: who is going with me?

Renfair when it's time???

Pay for tallis!!! Today preferably! Write check and take it over to shul?? (Or give to ma to take to services this evening or go with her?)

[the-invisible-queer]

i'll bite please tell me the engagement ring story

This memory was unlocked by the "Single Ladies" video even though it started a year before.

SO in 2008 my local mall opened an Icing store its basically an older Claire's (its owned by Claire's) and I went with my aunt to look at what they had

And I wanted to buy something. They had 3 rings for $8. The three rings to my 11yr old brain looked like an engagement ring, wedding ring, and a bonus.

I found the rings in my size and bought it. Took it home with full intentions to wear to school.

I only wore the engagement ring. When asked by a peer - I didn't have friends - I lied and said I was engaged. And they asked who.

Who else than Joe fucking Jonas?

Had some people convinced that I was actually engaged to Joe. Fortunately for me I was the ONLY Joe girl so no one cared enough to fact check me also we were 11. All the other JB fans I went to school with were Nick girls anyway.

Someone asked to be invited to the wedding and I was like "only friends and family and we're not friends" which got me in trouble for "bullying" which is ironic because EYE was the one being bullied. No one cared about me til I was fake engaged to Joe.

I wore that engagement ring up until I got my purity ring the next year. No one questioned the ring change.

But I wore that ring EVERY SINGLE DAY. Even wore it to church. Only took it off to shower, wash my hands, and sleep.

The silver paint started wearing off at one point and I just bought a new one.

I was manifesting being with Joe so fucking hard. I did constantly call him my husband.

[littlewalken]

feb 21

Rain or not we have to go out and do real life stuff and things. The only driver in the household seems to forget we have a good car now that can handle weather.

Next paycheck I think I know what kind of shelves I want to get for my books. Too many things sold as book shelves couldn't handle the weight of my circus history coffee table book, Bowie's Moonage Daydream, and all those Cure books.

I also get to look for an interesting shelf to go in the corner outside of my door to hold interesting items.

But damn if I'm not starting to feel better in general as I get more fresh air and realize the last place had a nasty carbon monoxide leak and only the drafts and kitchen door that wouldn't completely shut was keeping us alive.

Next time we're given a GTFO notice after 10 years during a pandemic with an eviction moratorium and the only place we can find is where someone died but we're white ladies and don't care about that I'll put 'make sure stove doesn't leak' as a priority.

And to splain more to a doll board member about moving/storing all the extra stuff we're now getting rid of-

We're generational hoarders

The move in 2021 was a 60 day notice for a place we spent 10 years at, a double wide trailer with 6 "bedrooms", out buildings, critters and so on. There was no time to sort, only pack and condense anything you wanted to keep which included all of the mooch's things because we didn't know the bitch was going to abandon it all. Something something guess where I found things I haven't seen in years something something.

The shit shack didn't have any sort of cabinets or closets so we had to provide our own storage and not knowing where we were going to end up the smothering unit thought we'd need it.

I had bought a teal iron in the mid 2000s for my sewing, suddenly it had vanished from its place, was told it probably got swept up in a junk purge because no one (me) was using it. I buy my purple iron to replace it. On arriving here we not only find the teal iron but an older one I could have used. Only the purple iron remains in the household.

Things we once did use, like the three different colored sandwich keepers, but either our lifestyles have changed and we do not need them or they have bad vibes and have to leave the household for spiritual reasons.

Shit like clothes the mooch used to wear all the time that I would set fire to and go cold/naked before I ever wear them.

Stuff I haven't seen in decades because when we were young we moved so much that we had boxes with multiple names on them and not only would my things get repacked because I hadn't done it "right" they would also end up in someone else's room because of reasons I still take Repressitall for.

The shit shack was supposed to be the place of sorting but as it was literally too small to even breathe in all that had to wait until we got the room and now we're also on the same page with a lot of this shit.

Meanwhile I did do some free writing yesterday, my Imagination Land trips are still to Grease 2.

Kind of wandering around with different times in the plot of when and how Michael could have told Stephanie that he's the Cool Rider. Good exercises for writing and I might be able to pull something a bit more original out of it later.

Things swirl around like "he knew what she tasted like" and when Stephanie figures out/is told Michael is the Cool Rider it becomes their shared secret. The Cool Rider is the talk of the school but no one else knows it's him.

Talk about remaking a movie that had a good idea but didn't quite execute right.

Getting more and more ready to sew but I want to get my PVC needlework frame here, to see if that will affect how I paint with Inktense on fabric, and a few other odds and ends. I would like to have my everything here and be done with the storage trips before I really get in to an astronaut project.

[sloanevictor]

Wubs top 15 thrifting finds

15. Pair of origami butterfly earrings. Gifted them to a friend.

14. Triangular, blue patch with three diamonds of fire at the peak, the stitch at the bottom reads "MUSEUM OF FIRE PENRITH, AUST." Love that there's no indication it's a museum of firefighting and looks like some sort of fire worship emblem.

13. A face painting that really resonated with me. She looked so calm, I wish I had bought it but I did take a picture to remember it by.

12. Mug that I'm certain was part of 2012 tumblr culture, two simple stick women heads with "TOTES AMAZEBALLS" inbetween them. So sad that this broke the day I got it.

11. One Direction shoelaces. Saw them when I was 10 and couldn't appreciate getting them and wearing them ironically. (Didn't buy)

10. Isle of Dogs dvd. Good film, 10/10.

9. Angry Birds Pencil Toppers. All Rovio merch after 2016 uses the movie designs so I value the classic.

8. Hotel Transylvania 3 slime dude promotional cup. Removable head makes it a good container for hard candies.

7. Diary that was mostly empty except for a few pages in the middle. Two sentences burned into my mind, "My depression is getting better" and "I like Elton John even though he's gay". (Didn't buy)

6. Alone by Beverly Farmer, independently published 1st/2nd edition? A character study novella of suicidal ideation, lesbians and internalised homophobia in 1950s Australia, very interesting read that I have yet to see someone else talk about.

5. Pendant necklace with an illustration of Doctor Who's TARDIS with caption "Invisible illness: it's bigger on the inside". (Didn't buy)

4. A keychain plush, round chibi-ish smiling red bat with horns and a blue flower with green ribbons on its head, named Ruby. I take her everywhere :]

3. Pair of what I assume were custom made golden shoes. At the top of the flap that goes over the top of the foot were matching, gold teddy bear heads with open mouths. Price was $70-$100 iirc. (Didn't buy, but someone did)

2. Small green skull and bones with golden specks for eyes and gold teeth. Some magnet is attached to the back but it didn't come with any other part to keep on a shirt or jacket. Shop owner didn't even know what it was and only charged me a dollar for it.

1. This one is made better because I got it from a religious owned thrift store; a keychain of a bundle of black grapes, green tentacles are wrapped around it and the grapes are blushing. As hard as I've tried to find the original creator I've had no luck.

[theaceofskulls]

Warhammer+ review

Since I've done plenty of Hammer and Bolter reviews, I figure I might as well give my overall impressions of the subscription itself.

Minis - 8/10 They do lock themselves into 2 distinct aesthetics per year. I'm glad that this means there's not exclusive minis that no one else can buy but at the same time it also means that it's a harder sell if you're not into this year's stuff. Also I had issues with getting my autorenew to register without contacting customer service so there's some kinks to work out. Currently the strongest part of the subscription.

Warhammer Vault - 6/10 This was originally much lower but they fixed the search engine to work way better. However, as a grand repository of old magazines and old campaign books (that they've stripped the rules out the old campaigns of so that you don't try to actually play them), it's still lacking. Shockingly there's no categories or tabs to sort through the vault, you have to somewhat know what you're looking for.

It's also a PDF viewer in a desktop with a topbar that you can't dismiss that loads individual pages making it a pain if your internet is acting up.

The vault feels like it's ripe for more, like actual black library books or old editions of the rules to let people play the older versions of the game. Right now it feels half done and poor in the user experience. Definitely not worth the price if you're only here for this feature.

Video Player - 7/10 Functional and fairly straightforward. Its subtitles are alright but you have to enable them every episode and they put them so far down the actual player that they get cover up by the overlay. Could use some additional work on it.

Individual shows: Running through this quick.

Iron Within - 8/10

Blacktalon - haven't finished, will revise score later

Angels of Death - 6.5/10

Interrogator - haven't finished, will revise score later

The Exodite - 8/10

Astartes - 9/10 and also free

Hammer and Bolter - varies

Loremasters - 10/10 actually this one is fantastic. Yes there are lore youtubers but these are really well done and manage to strike the right balance between storytelling and loredumping

Battle Reports - 6/10 in my heart they're 7/10's but there's some issues. First off, lots of them are previews and use incorrect rules that were either ironed out in playtesting or are played wrong. Secondly, they're trimmed down a little too much at points which is a blessing and a curse. It makes them more watchable but removes a lot of why you'd watch a battle report to begin with. Lastly, there's an ad like feeling to them which I shrug off because this is official content from a mode company but all in all it does drag it down.

Citadel Masterclass - I can't put a score here without first mentioning that they lost their presenter because they very clearly didn't want to assign credit and changed the format of this show to put less emphasis on the painter in question.

It was a 10/10 show but it's definitely dropped to a much lower 7/10 because they didn't like their presenters using them as a resume builder but it's stripped a lot of the feeling from the show even if the content they cover is still relatively good to go from beginner painter to advanced.

Deepstrike: I have not watched this one but it's an official podcast of them talking about their own shows on the channel. It says it has interviews with the creators but well let's look at the next category

Crediting their creators 0/10

GW is infamous for this even if there were reasons behind this policy besides the feeling of corporate greed. Yes, this was due to death threats over rule books. And on that exact subject, I literally just heard people grumbling over Matt Ward yesterday so it's not like Warhammer fans are getting any saner. It's also hard to not look over at the fact that I've watched drama unfold due to the personal lives of some painting channels on youtube. However it's impossible to not feel like there should be at least some crediting being done for people who don't show up on camera.

It feels like if they're going to keep anonymity they could at least subdivide studio credits better.

Anyways, all in all, I've yet to cancel the service but it's clear there's way more that could be done with it. Year 3 is coming up and there's a couple other shows in the pipeline but my recommendation is still to treat this as either a one month binge of alright warhammer content or as a slightly more expensive mini that comes with extra content.

[dzpenumbra]

5/9/23

Another slow day, but not a bad one. Good sleep again, and I'm noticing a dramatic difference in my general mood because of it. I ordered more plants this morning instead of going on social media. I think it was a much better decision.

I was originally going to place an Instacart order from Lowe's so I could get a planter to try doing that mini indoor zen garden idea with the water pump and everything... but... I like to batch order things, especially when I'm paying delivery fees, and they didn't have a few things I was looking for. Specifically a clothes iron to finish the paint on my hoodie, and specific plants. So I decided to just order plants off Etsy. It's pretty crazy that that's a thing. I can order cuttings or bulbs or seeds from people on the other side of the continent and within a week it's in my package room. Pretty easy to take shit like that for granted.

I had the idea... since I'm up all night anyway... I wanted actual fragrant flowers. I've never had those in my own house before. Natural aromas. I mean, it feels like a "duh" moment for me. I always use incense and it's great, but why the fuck would I not just get a living air freshener that only needs water and sunlight. So... I remembered that there are some plants that have flowers that only bloom at night. And I looked some up, and I ordered cuttings of night-blooming jasmine. I'm pretty excited for that. So daytime can be scented of incense, and nighttime can be scented of jasmine flowers. We'll see how long it takes for them to get here, the Pothos cuttings shipped today.

Late last night and early this morning, my back was acting up. Sore, tight, painful. My quads were too. I used the foam roller on my quads and it helped a lot, but my lower back needed some extra work this morning. Just getting started with yoga was difficult because of how sore it was. It felt super familiar, that location, that muscle. And I remembered when I was really young... like... probably 13? I was at a gaming store in town, like a tabletop hobby store. I really enjoyed going there, despite the owner kinda... coercing me into getting games I didn't necessarily want to get? Might as well just give context on that. My friends were into Warhammer 40K, and I wanted to get into it too. I was really into Starcraft and Star Trek and Star Wars and all that, big sci-fi nerd. And I came to the store specifically to get set up with a starter kit for 40K. I didn't even know what race I wanted to play, I just really wanted to get into it so I could play with my friends, they had a decent-sized scene there already, probably... 6-10 people? And the owner... he coerced me into getting a starter army for Warhammer Fantasy. And he 100% knew what he was doing. And he did it to try to get me to start up the Fantasy scene, so the local kids would play both... and buy both of the kits... which were... not fucking cheap. And little impressionable trauma kid Me just kinda awkwardly and bashfully was like... "okay"... And got the whole big Empire and Orcs starter kit for Warhammer Fantasy. And nothing for 40K. And I put it together myself, my whole Orc army. And I gave the Empire to my little brother, and put some pieces together for him. He's 6 years younger than me, so he was super young, way too young for a game that complex. So, the Empire... I guarantee there's pieces around that still haven't been put together and that was almost 25 years ago. I never got to play with my friends. They never got Fantasy armies, I didn't get a 40K army until they were all out of the scene, and when I did, it wasn't big enough to play with them. So... yeah, that was kinda shitty of that guy. I have no idea why my mom thought so highly of that dude, that's a really shitty thing to do to a 13 year old.

Anyway, the muscle pain reminded me of when I was that age and they were doing a LARPing thing there in the little grassy lawn outside. People all made weapons from PVC pipe and foam and duct tape and battled each other, it was really fun. But I was retreating backwards at one point and fell and my legs went back over my head and I... at age 13... threw my back out. And the pain was in the same muscles. I remembered all those memories that vividly simply because of a sore muscle group. Pretty crazy how the brain works.

I had two goals to day. 1). Ink drawing, 2). Instagram post. And I accomplished both. The ink drawing is not done, but I sank a good 5-6 hours into it tonight. The Instagram posts? For my necklaces. The one with the quartz centerpiece that I made last Fall, and the one with the bloodstone that I wear now. I wrote big descriptions for them too. I posted them 6 hours ago, and they have 2 likes and 1 like respectively. Yes, I used hashtags. This is what happens when you don't actively use apps. The algorithms fuck you. Deliberately. They favor users who are active, who interact with other users. If you just get on every 2 months and post and then hop off? You're the bottom of the barrel. It makes me wonder... what's the point? Why bother? It gets to a point where it does more damage to my self-esteem, will and perseverance than it actually benefits me. Like... so far... I have reached 2 people who used to be friends of mine, who clearly have never had intentions of directly supporting my career. I'm actually a bit surprised I'm even getting a click of a mouse or a tap of a phone screen from them, but I would be absolutely godsmacked to ever see $5 a month on Patreon from them, let alone an actual commission that actually makes a difference with my rent and groceries. But hey, what says "I love your restaurant, personal friend of mine that I support" like coming by and snagging up free samples every couple days and leaving a blank 5-star review. (I'm a little bitter.) I guess beggars can't be choosers.

Despite all the frustrations and memories that come with these interactions... I'm glad I posted. I'm glad I put myself out there. It didn't take much and I didn't feel a drop of adrenaline in my system. I just had to plan a specific time to do it - after my shower, when I usually put my necklace on. Then, I just took that momentum, with the necklace in hand, set up a display and lighting, did a mini photoshoot, then posted. Done and done.

It's better to put my work out there and get no response... than to not put it out there at all. Right? It's better to play a concert to 2 people than to just skip the fucking gig. Right? I've struggled with that for a long time. Especially with streaming.

There's a phenomenon that happens with people, and technology and social media have severely amplified it. Herd mentality. Where... say you see something listed on Etsy, for example. It has 20 reviews, 15 5-star, 3 4-star, a 2-star and a 1-star. And next to it is a nearly identical item, it has 2500 reviews that are nearly unanimously 5-star, it has a "Bestseller" tag on it and it's listed higher in the rankings than the 20 review one. Which one are you really going to buy? Right? Pretty much a no-brainer for most people. Now apply that same numbers-game mentality to Twitch. How many people are going around seeking out streams that have 3 viewers? How many people are going around seeking out YouTube videos that have less than 100 views? Those are typically, for most people, an indication of the content's quality. Until very recently, both platforms didn't even have search features built into their sites that allowed for searching by lowest-to-highest. That's how rare it is. That's how little people actually seek them out. So, in those cases... with that phenomenon... it can actually be worse advertising for you to stream with 3 viewers than to not stream at all.

I tried to explain this phenomena to my friends and family when I got back into art/streaming full-time after my breakup. They just... couldn't fucking process it. It was like I was speaking Japanese. Or maybe they just... didn't want to? I think they just really wanted to believe that being polite and saying "you're very talented" and "I think you could be successful someday" and "wow, that piece is real neat" are... "support". That simply putting in those minimum possible effort gestures is equivalent to being a supportive person. And I will tell you this straight up, 100% - doing that is a substitute for supporting people. It is done so that you are not expected to be supportive in other ways, because you've "already been supportive". And it can doom creatives. I speak from experience. It fucks up your... expectations of what support actually is, your gauge and definition of what support you can expect from others. So... say you're like me and you rolled nat 1's on the Friends and Family checks in the D&D game of Life. If that's all you've ever known, you look at the road ahead of you... all the things you need to do... all the things that are impossible for you to do yourself... like review your shit, or recommend it to others, or buy your products, or commission literally anything, or hang out and watch your TV show. And you know you can't do them yourself. And you know, from what you were taught, that people in supporting roles in your life should not be expected to do these things. It turns your entire career... your future... your passion, your vision, your labor, your efforts... into a spin of a roulette wheel. You're relying entirely on the kindness of complete strangers. Who, historically, are the least likely to help.

I've probably said all this a thousand times over the past almost full year I've been doing this journal, it's because it's probably the most important message I have to send to others from what I've been through in my life. Fucking support your friends. In a practical way. Watch their YouTube videos, buy their paintings, go to their concerts, listen to their music (I mean like... put on headphones and really listen to it). Be a meaningful staple in their life, as much as you can afford, as much as is genuine. Be a fan. Don't just sit there and wait for someone else to do it. Demonstrate for others that this person's talent is worth supporting. Put your money where your mouth is.

I guess that brought up some old shit. Similar to the other night, the whole... tugging at the stitches thing. Time doesn't always heal all wounds... sometimes that broken bone heals wrong, or it leaves really sensitive scar tissue. And that's a big one for me. And it's really hard... 4 years later... to see the same people who fucked me over, screamed at me, told me I was unreasonable with my expectations and ghosted me for years at a time... still doing the same minimum effort shit. The optimist in me says "welp, it's better than nothing". And I don't really feel like giving a microphone to those other more bitter and hurt parts of me anymore tonight, so I'm just gonna say... I hope those two former friends can really take some time and work on themselves. There's good in them. There's potential in them, both of them, that has been blocked by... getting themselves very deep into responsibilities they were not prepared for. I have a long history with both of them, that goes back over a decade. I do wish them well. It just kinda sucks to be reminded of why those friendships ended, and see that they are literally the only ones who give a fuck about these pieces.

I don't know. I clearly have conflicted feelings on this.

On a lighter note, the ink piece is coming along nicely. It's taking longer than expected, but it's coming together, it will definitely be finished tomorrow.

I planned to get started with the skull today, but again I put it off. I have been putting it off because... I've been waiting for this researcher I heard on a podcast to be done writing her book. I have no idea when she's going to be done though... The book is a comprehensive historical study of magical symbols in ancient Egypt and Greece (I think), going back millennia. She is basically the world's expert in the actual archaeological research on this topic. And she's putting together a series of books that are supposed to come out this year. So... I kinda wanted that for reference. Just to have source material for this type of ritualistic practice that dates back that far.

I have been very fascinated by ritual practices lately, mostly the hybridization of different diverse spiritual practices, beliefs and narratives. How you would get spells or incantations that had like... Jesus and Horus together in them. And apparently it was really common, that the spells or rituals were catered to the specific individual's beliefs, to the point where... in spell books and manuals... there are actual placeholder letters in spots where the person who's getting the ritual done for them's name goes, and also placeholder letters for relevant deities. I'm sure you can imagine why centralized religions might... have a little bit of a problem with this melding... and find it heretical... and even lead to... some more... unseemly methods of putting a stop to it. Magic practices still have a stigma to this day because of it, super fucking ironic that the one thing that hyper-orthodox religious people and flat-out atheists can agree on is the intense multi-millennia-old disgust and ridicule of interfaith magical practices. Yay...

So... I looked up the book again today, and... still no luck. I'm tempted to donate on Patreon to get early access, but... she wants you to be a 2-month donor at something like $17/month to get early access. And... I mean, for what amounts to basically an academic textbook? That's actually a really good deal. So... maybe I should just pull the trigger on that tomorrow. Because the skull is... pretty much lined up to be my next piece. Then I can at least get the ball rolling on that step. In the meantime, I can clean it up and start some basic sketches on it.

I've been all over the place with this piece mentally because... I only get one shot at it. I have one skull. And it's the skull of a formerly living being. And there's a lot of pressure there. And this piece is... 100% improvised. For me, it's how sacred this practice is that really gets in my head. That's where the symbol research comes in. I keep getting this urge, this feeling "I want to get it right." "I get one shot, I want to get it right." And I felt the same way about the horoscope chart on my hoodie, and that was in permanent paint, BUT... this piece? This is literally carved into a deceased goat's skull. They're both permanent, but this... this feels much bigger. And... I think rightfully so. I just want to be respectful, you know?

But it puts a lot of pressure on my improvisational design work. But here's the contrasting thought that I keep trying to introduce. I have been doing improvised abstract design pieces in my new notebook for like... a week and a half now? 2 weeks? Something like that? I haven't fucked up a single one and they all look great. Because... here's the secret, please don't tell anyone... there IS NO fucking up. You CAN'T fuck up. Because it's abstract. Like... the only way you can fuck up abstract improvised art is by... planning it, and forcing it into something it doesn't want to be. Like... the only way you can really fuck up freestyle rapping... besides just being "rusty" or "inexperienced"... is by spitting written shit.

So... I've been caught in that back and forth for a bit now. The "I want to do this right", but "this is an improvised, channeled piece" paradox. And my compromise has been to... essentially... continuing with the freestyle rap analogy... learn more vocabulary. Take a little time before the design phase and learn more shapes, more rhythms, more symbols and signs and sigils. Add more proverbial paints to my palette, more crayons to my box. Then, I can fuse my abstract improvisation with intentional symbolism that dates back to the time of the pharaohs. And that fusion and aesthetic is very appealing to me right now. So... that's the plan for now. Even if it means I just leave a big blank space on the forehead for some form of sigil or glyph to be added later.

Aaaand that's all I've got for now. Not a bad note to end on.

[transsurlee]

okay well now this toon house is a toon home

[ironstrange1991]

Anything Else, Mr Stark?

+18 Smut

Pairing: TonyStark x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4,3k

Warnings: Age gap, Slight female dominance, Love bites, Dirty Talk, Male and female oral sex, Male and female masturbation, fingering, P in V.

Synopsis: When the reader gets a job in the Stark Industries she doesn't imagine that she would work as assistant to Tony Stark himself. The chemistry between them is instantaneous.

Based in this ask: I’m a big fan of your strange smut and see that your also a big tony fan. Could we get some Tony/reader fluffy smut with a dominate reader pls?

A/N: I dont know about the fluffy part, but I tried to make this very smutty. It was a little bit hard to write Tony, but I hope I made him justice. I really love the guy. Hope you guys like it ;)

You were always great at getting into trouble, but this time you felt like you had crossed the line and while you were extremely happy to finally get exactly what you wanted, you were also terrified over thinking about what it meant to you and your job and your career.

You've always been the prodigy in high school, you've always gotten top grades in college, and it wasn't all that surprising when you got an internship to work at Stark Industries. It was your line of work, it was your goal and you celebrated a lot when it happened, you just didn't imagine that such a vacancy would be to be Tony Stark's own personal assistant. It was ridiculous, he was old enough to be your father, he was a snob and he was self-centered and all, but you always had a crush on him, the kind you have on celebrities. After all, that's what Tony Stark has always been to the world, a celebrity and of course, a superhero.

You barely knew where to start and when you went through HR you heard all sorts of comments and advice from "He'll flirt with you all the time, but don't get too excited he does it with everyone." to "It will be extremely difficult to replace Miss Pottz, she was his right hand, man."

On the first day of work you barely managed to eat in the morning and put on at least three changes of clothes before deciding what to wear. You wanted to look like a serious person, you wanted to look professional and maybe even a little older, but dressing differently didn't necessarily change your personality. When you arrived, the first person who saw you was his private security, Happy Logan.

"I imagine you already got your badge from HR. You must wear it all the time. It's a company requirement and it doesn't matter that you're not going to work within the company, you must wear it anyway."

You nodded, taking the badge out of your bag and putting it on your shirt and only then did you realize what he said.

"What do you mean I'm not going to work at the company? I applied for an internship here.."

The security guard walked out expecting you to follow him out of the building and opened the car door for you "You're the boss's new assistant, you're going to work at his house."

While you started work taking care of the schedule and events he needed to attend and the documents he needed to sign, you soon realized that being Tony Stark's assistant also included participating in auctions to acquire the paintings he wanted, buy cufflinks and socks and his favorite deodorant. You didn't really care about it, in fact you liked it and it was kind of embarrassing to admit to yourself why.

It took you two weeks to finally meet Tony Stark in person. You had spoken to him by phone and email and many texts, but finally seeing him in front of you was a terrifying experience, but in a good way.

Friday, the AI ​​who ran the house and everything else, told you that he had arrived and wanted you to meet him at the workshop and so you went downstairs, the sound of ACDC blaring from the speakers. You had your tablet in hand ready to jot down anything he said or asked and tried your best to camouflage your nervousness and look as professional as possible.

You found him getting rid of the Iron armor he was wearing, and you were stunned to finally be in Iron Man's presence.

He finished what he was doing and turned around to face you "So you're the famous Y/N I've been talking to all this time."

You felt your face turning red "Me... famous? You're the celebrity Mr Stark"

He nodded still seeming to analyze you from head to toe "You dont need to call me sir, it makes me feel old. By the way, are you sure you're old enough to work? How old are you? 16?"

You blinked slightly offended "I'm 25"

He nodded "25..." He clapped his hands "Anyway, we have a lot to do, the holidays are over, Dad is home and I have at least 5 events to go to, two of them in the same night, I hope you're taking care of my schedule."

You nodded showing him what you had programmed on the tablet, but he interrupted you "No need to show me darling, I trust you. Just tell me what I need to do."

You nodded looking at him, his words taking root in your mind as you watched him take off the shirt he was wearing and put on another one. The man had known you for five minutes and was changing clothes in front of you.

"I've been told I need to let go of control and let people tell me what to do. Let's try this and see if it works better than last time."

You bit your lower lip looking at the tablet screen "You have a meeting with the company's shareholders tomorrow at 9 am. In the afternoon you need to dedicate some time to your project with the Nanotechnology armors, so I booked the restaurant for dinner with the possible new shareholders for 7pm and 9pm you must be at the charity ball for the benefit of..."

He came towards you "Sounds great. There's only one problem" He pointed at you and you were waiting for him to say something serious. "I don't have anyone to go to the gala with." He grimaced, "Yeah, I know, it's a tragedy. Can you imagine what they would say if the great Tony Stark arrived alone?"

You didn't understand what he was getting at or even if he was serious, sometimes it was hard to tell.

"Do you have a dress?"

"Me?" You stuttered "Yeah...yes, but..."

"On second thought, take some free time this afternoon and buy one, you can use the cooperative card, after all you'll be working."

You blinked, realizing what he was suggesting. "You want me to go to the gala with you?"

He nodded. "Can you think of a better way for me to make a good impression than to arrive at it with a 25 year old beauty?"

You looked away. You had already been warned about the flirtations, but it was hard not to react to them.

Happy Logan took you to shopping and you felt a little uncomfortable about the whole situation not just because you were buying a dress to go to the gala with your boss who happened to be the most famous billionaire in the world, but also because your heart was racing and you felt that your little experience with work and romantic relationships would be a hindrance to dealing with Stark's flirtations. After all, even knowing that they were just silly flirtations, you couldn't help but fantasize a lot of things in your head.

The next day passed so quickly that you barely noticed. At night you got ready in your long black dress and your high heels. You left your hair down to hide the bare back of the dress that you now thought was too flashy and put on a minimum of makeup.

You heard the sound of the Audi pulling up in front of your apartment and swallowed the saliva. You got into the car feeling like you might have a heart attack at any moment. He was gorgeous, as always. He wore a gray four-piece suit with a burgundy tie and flashy sunglasses even though it was night and the smell of his perfume was the most wonderful thing in the world. "Miss Y/L/N"

You smile "Mr Stark."

He smiles driving fast through the avenue.

The party passed in a blur for you. Stark passed from table to table greeting other millionaires and billionaires, Elon Musk was at the event. He kept his hands firmly on your waist the entire time and never introduced you as his assistant, it was always by your first name and although you told yourself that this should be something he would do to anyone, it wasn't what it looked like.

Although he offered all the time, you avoided drinking more than a glass of martini feeling too inebriated just by his presence and at the end of the night he dragged you out onto the dance floor and you knew he had had quite a few shots of whiskey. But you couldn't help but wonder what might come next.

"Is everything okay? You're a little too quiet."

He almost whispered in your ear.

"Sorry Mr Stark, I confess I'm a little uncomfortable dancing with you and I've just started this job and people might think that..."

"Let them think! I want them to think about it."

You looked at him in surprise "You don't need to explain yourself, but I do, Mr Stark."

He smiles at you, that smile you only saw on TV, that ironic, exaggerated smile that personally made your legs go soft.

"I think I'm enjoying hearing you call me Mr Stark, sounds dangerously sexy don't you think?"

You swallowed the saliva gently placing your hand on his chest and interrupting the dance "I think... I need to go to the bathroom."

He nodded leading you away from the dance floor. When you walked into the bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror your face felt like it was on fire and it wasn't just your face that was in that state.

You sighed and washed your hands, two women walked past you, staring and whispering. Of course, that could not go unnoticed. You turned your back to the sink taking a deep breath and looked at the time on your phone, it was already past 11pm.

You sighed and walked out of the bathroom to spot Stark talking to a man who looked faintly familiar, but you didn't know where you knew him from. You walked purposefully to him, ready to ask him to leave and the man walked away before you got close.

"It's everything alright?" He asked sipping another shot of whiskey and looking at you as if he could undress you with his eyes.

You nodded "If it's okay, I'd like to leave now. I'm a little tired and I have a headache."

He nodded, downing the rest of the whiskey from the glass in one gulp and held out his arm for you and you walked out the front door together.

"Are you sure you have a headache or did you want to leave the party because I make you uncomfortable?" He said after a good few minutes of akward silence as he drove.

You shook your head "It wasn't what I meant."

He nodded taking the avenue in the opposite direction he should have "Where are you going?"

He smiles "Home.

"Mr Stark..."

He gave you a quick glance and then turned his attention to the front, "Don't tell me I've imagined all this sexual tension between us since the first time we saw each other yesterday morning?"

You were speechless.

"Look, if you want me to take you home I will, but I guarantee it'll be a lot more fun if you go with me."

You didn't even realize you were holding and twisting the fabric of your dress.

"Mr Stark, we can't do this or you'll never take me seriously. This job means a lot to me."

He shook his head "And why wouldn't I take you seriously?"

"Because sleeping with my boss is not the best way to make a good impression. It's actually the worst way and I don't know if it's my fault, I've always had a crush on you, maybe I gave the false impression that ..."

He placed his hand on your thigh, squeezing it and then turned his palm up. "Stop thinking. Just enjoy the moment, okay? Tomorrow we have a bunch of stuff to sort out before my trip to Switzerland."

You sighed. You should ask him to take you back, but you didn't want to waste that opportunity. Sleeping with Tony Stark had been your fantasy for so long and as strange as it seemed you loved the age gap between you, it was what made it all the more exciting. Besides, you couldn't stop thinking about what he'd said the day before about giving up control and doing what people tell him to do. Did that apply to sex too? You bit your lower lip and to show him that you had decided to give in to his request you put your hand in his on your thigh and he intertwined his fingers with yours.

Stark parked in the mansion's underground parking lot and opened the car door for you to get out. You took the elevator up and were greeted by the AI ​​informing Stark that there were 21 calls to voice mail including a very angry message from Captain Rhodes.

"I'll talk to him in the morning" he replied to the AI ​​as he poured himself a shot of whiskey. At first you were surprised by Friday's omnipresence, but now you were used to it and it made your job a lot easier.

You stood in the room, rocking on your own feet, not knowing what to say or what to do, until he came towards you, touching your face and looking at you with those brown eyes that seemed to see into your soul. He ran his hand down your neck to your collarbone and bit his lower lip dramatically. "You're a pretty little thing, you know that?"

You smiled shyly. You wanted that so badly, but now you were completely intimidated by his presence and you weren't like that. You weren't shy, on the contrary. Dammit, maybe you should have drank more after all.

"Don't be shy, why don't you show me what you can do?"

You bit your lower lip and gathering up all your courage you knelt taking your hands to unbuckle his belt. You could see that he was already half ready for you and you were curious to know if the size of his dick matched the size of his ego. You unbuttoned his pants pulling them down and smiled at the sight of his cock under his underwear. You pulled on his boxers and licked your lips.

It was average size, but it was thick, with a fat and pink tip and you weren't disappointed at all. You didn't think twice and put it in your mouth. You sucked only the tip first, your hand jerking him slowly from base to tip, the salty taste of precum on your tongue. He groaned in approval and drained the last of the whiskey from the glass in one gulp.

You took his moan as approval and put the shyness aside, spitting on him and stroking him with both hands now faster smearing him with your saliva leaving him wet and perfect for you. You kept one hand steady at the base, the other stroking him quickly and flicked your tongue at the tip as he moaned louder now and brought his hand up to his head holding his hair.

"Fuck darling, you really know what you're doing. Its so good." He bit his lower lip now hard, suppressing his moans that were getting louder.

You hummed on his cock, spitting on it again and putting it in your mouth going all the way down swallowing it whole until the tip hits the back of your throat. He panted in surprise, he had already gotten a lot of blowjobs, but you were perfect, you made deep throat look so easy and you did it so well and he knew that if he didn't interrupt you he was going to cum in your mouth and he didn't want to cum , not before he could fuck you.

He grabbed your hair pulling your head and taking the dick out of your mouth "That's very good darling but we don't want the fun to end before it starts, do we? That little mouth of yours is too good."

You stood up and he ran his hand over your lips, spit running down your chin, your mascara melting in your eyes, somehow he found it a lot sexier than how it had been before.

You were so beautiful, from the first moment he laid eyes on you he knew he needed to fuck you, the fact that you had a crush on him only made that even more obvious. He pulled you to his lips kissing you passionately, you moaned into his lips and he found it adorable.

He held your hand firmly in his. "Come with me, darling." He took you to his room. You had never entered his room before, it was impressive like everything else in that house. He continued the assault on your lips and down your neck, his goatee scratching your skin and making you shiver. He wasted no time and undressed you quickly, first taking off your dress and then unbuttoning your bra, leaving you only in your underwear. He continued kissing pushing you gently onto the bed.

You lay down on the bed and he came over you taking one breast to his mouth, sucking the nipple, the other firm hand on your other breast squeezing and playing with the other nipple between his fingers. His lips went down to your belly and his hands pulled your panties slowly, he took them off and threw them there on the bed. Your legs drooped to the side and he gave you just one sly look before he lost himself there between your legs. You moaned loudly as he licked all the way from your entrance to your clit. He did it again and stuck a finger inside you.

You moved your hips involuntarily and moaned, "Fuck darling you're so wet for me. I love the taste of your cunt." He stuck a second finger curving on purpose to hit your sweet spot and with the other hand he opened the folds of your clit and flicked his tongue into the bundle of nerves and every fear, every doubt you might have had how disappeared while Stark made you break down into incoherent groans and praise.

"Fuck Mr Stark, you do it so well." You brought your hand to his head grabbing his hair and begging for more friction. You knew he was holding back, still testing the water on you, but you needed more. You sighed getting up and propping yourself up on your elbows. It was really one of those situations where you need to see to believe. The great Tony Stark lost between your legs going down on you.

You pulled his hair and he got the message and came right over you. "How is it possible that you're still wearing all those clothes?" You asked impatiently and he laughed "Why don't you help me get rid of them?" you knelt on the bed hurrying to take off his jacket, you took off his tie and shirt while your lips eagerly trailed down his neck giving open mouth kisses and biting lightly.

He sat up in bed, getting rid of what was left of his clothes and getting deliciously naked for you. You smirked at him "Sit and lean against the headboard." He stared at you in surprise but obeyed, happy to see you take control. You wrapped your legs around his hips kissing his lips passionately, his cock brushing against you

"You said you want to give up control and let people tell you what to do..." You whispered in his ear as your hand was looking for his tie on the bed "Let's see how good you are at following orders Mr Stark." He bit his lower lip, his eyes glistening with excitement. "I'm all yours, miss."

You finally reached the tie "Give me your hands". He obeyed and you tied both of his hands together tightly on the headboard. "No touching." You said in his ear, you bit his earlobe and he groaned "Fuck, darling, you're full of surprises."

You grinned, moving your lips down his neck and pinching one of his nipples

"You've been teasing me all night Mr Stark, now it's my turn."

You kissed him passionately and went back to biting his ear "Now tell me where do you keep the good stuff?"

He smiled satisfied and looked towards the bedside table. "In the bottom drawer."

You got up and opened the drawer to find a box full of sex toys, condoms and lube. "Why am I not surprised, Mr Stark?"

You got the lube and a condom.

He moaned softly as you began caressing it with both hands.

You would take turns between stroking him fast and firmly and just holding the base massaging the balls and rubbing your palm lightly on the tip.

"Fuck, you gonna make me cum like this. Please dont make me cum yet I want to fuck you"

You smile lessening the intensity of your caresses on his cock and caught his lips between your teeth. "Look at you begging not to cum."

You took the condom and opened it quickly and placed it on his dick without difficulty. He was rock hard for you. You put some lube on his cock and spread it with both hands then positioned yourself on top of him lowering slowly "You just got one thing wrong Mr Stark. I'm going to fuck you."

He groaned loudly when he finally penetrated you, stretching you. "Darling, you are so tight. Please move, fuck me."

You clung to him, wrapping your arms around his neck and began to move using the muscles of your thighs to maintain a fast, intense rhythm.

He moaned and you caught his lips on yours kissing him with desire, your tongue entering his mouth and dominating his.

You were enjoying it, the idea of ​​having the almighty Tony Stark tied to the bed and at your mercy to do whatever you wanted with him and you knew it wouldn't last long, you could feel the orgasm building inside you "Fuck, this is so good, Mr Stark." You leaned against his chest increasing your pace, moving your hips with precision, your clit rubbing in his pubic hair. "I am close, so close"

He groaned, getting impatient and struggling against the bonds, but you were too close to stop now. "Oh my god, yes, yes, yes." You moaned louder feeling the orgasm hit you and you surrendered to him throwing your head back, eyes closed, your legs shaking as you continued riding him enjoying every second of your orgasm.

You touched his face and kissed his lips softly and he moaned into your lips "Untie me sweetheart"

You obeyed and he was eager to wrap his arms around your waist and lay you back on the mattress. He lifted one of your legs and leaned on his shoulder and entered you again, going deep. You moaned loudly. He braced one hand on the headboard forcing himself inside you, each thrust hitting your g-spot precisely.

"You're too good Miss Y/L/N. I can get use to be fucked like this by you."

His thrusts were getting stronger and faster and you knew he was close and you decided to provoke him pushing him towards his climax.

"Oh Mr Stark you are so good at following orders. Now cum for me, I want to see the look in your eye when you cum."

He kissed your lips urgently "yeah? I will give it to you then, darling."

His thrusts got even faster, his breathing more labored and he groaned loud giving in to his high, that pussy drunk look in his eyes was priceless.

He let go of the headboard and propped himself up on his elbow so he wouldn't drop his weight on you. He touched your cheek kissing you softly and then rolled over on the bed sighing "I don't know what I was expecting, but you definitely surprised me miss."

You felt your face getting hot as reality hit you again.

You moved to get up but he grabbed your arm "Hey where are you going? Come here." He pulled you into his arms and you could feel your body tense, you actually went to bed with your boss on the second day on the job, technically you had been working for two weeks but that was the second day since you saw him in person and it felt wrong somehow.

"I can see the smoke coming out of your ears, your brain shorting out from thinking too much. Relax sweetheart."

You sighed and he lifted your chin to face him "Did I ever say you're a pretty little thing?"

You smiled "yes, you did."

He nodded. "Fine, now you need to sleep and rest because I'm taking you to Switzerland with me tomorrow."

You widened your eyes "What? No, I have work to do here."

He shook his head, "Darling, I'm your job, you're my assistant, you do what I want, remember? I want you in Switzerland with me."

You nodded biting your lip "Anything else, Mr Stark?"

He smirked "You will find out eventually, Miss y/l/n"

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