#is a group of misfits with nowhere else to go and only each other to rely on who have weirdly intense co-dependant

[gibbearish]

maybe this was common knowledge and ive been severely out of the loop but the fact that russel t davies is gay is kind of rocking my world rn?

[keto-keyes]

The Misfit Gang (Slytherin Gang ff)

This is a OC insert imagine, with multiple parts. If you don’t want to use the name ive chosen, feel free to insert your own :)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Part 6

With Tom at the lead, everyone else circling Soren, and Mattheo at the back, the group travelled like a pack of wolves and made their way to Snape's office. That would be the teachers' most-likely meeting point if they were going to take down the troll. As they walked, Tom berated them for 'choosing to do something so stupidly irresponsible' even thought it had been his idea in the first place, but no-one contradicted him. He was the most capable with magic of the six of them and the best dueller, having come from a strong dark wizarding family, and therefore also the natural leader it seemed. To Soren, at least. 

They continued to walk for a few minutes in silence until they reached the office, where the teachers were indeed meeting. Tom, taking initiative, knocked on the door and informed the closest professor, Professor Sprout, of their situation. 

"I see..." Snape mused, "So you all decided to warn us about a girl nowhere near the troll who has no idea it exists?" 

"Yes, sir," Tom muttered, looking down, "De Ville was worried it might move while the students were evacuated. Due to the noise, of course." 

Soren's head shot up - she'd been looking at the floor in embarrassment - and she stared at Tom in shock. She hadn't even thought about the troll moving, that was all him. What shocked her the most was what Mattheo said next. 

"We saw them hanging back from the group and decided it was best to tell you, just in case you didn't know about it," he said, "There might also be two others who stayed behind, two Gryffindors. We think they might be in trouble, even if there is three of them." 

Snape nodded in contemplation, then looked up at McGonagall. They exchanged glances and McGonagall looked away, somewhat annoyed and angered. 

"We'll go there before finding the troll," he decided, "Five points to Slytherin for each of you, but if any of you tries to pull something like this again it'll be ten taken from each of you." 

"Hopefully the girl can explain herself, and the other two. I have my suspicions as to who they are, but nothing we should discuss here," McGonagall added, waving her hands to dismiss the Slytherin first years. 

The six youngsters rushed back to the Ravenclaw common room without even a thanks.

Even though they'd probably saved the idiot girl's life, It was possible that the other two dimwads would gain more points for Gryffindor than the Slytherin's had for their own good, selfless act, because ✨favouritism✨.

Soren didn't bother lending any more thoughts to the three in the bathroom, although the others definitely did, and she could hear them muttering under their breaths, she only thought about how both Riddle brothers had decided to back her up instead of tearing her down like they did to everyone else. She didn't really understand why they would do that, but the idea that they didn't completely hate her warmed her cheeks and kept her going, even up several flights of stairs towards uncommon ground.  

After a few dozen flights of 16-18 stairs each, Soren began to fall back towards the tail-end of their little huddle. They'd been running  for almost 20 minutes without break and she was not as athletic-ly capable as her male classmates. Mattheo, who was right behind her, noticed her falling behind little by little, and called out to get the rest to stop. 

"We need a break," he panted, putting on an act even though he wasn't remotely tired yet, "I'm sure we can walk the rest of the way, can't we?" 

Tom looked pissed, but then noticed Soren bent over panting and trying to catch her breath and immediately nodded. Mattheo, too, seemed to notice her struggling more, and the two walked a little slower than their friends. 

Everyone turned to stare at them when they finally got to the Ravenclaw common room, Slytherins and Ravenclaws alike. The blue-clad house was well-respected for it's wise and understanding students, who simply stared without saying anything, but the self-righteous Slytherins jeered and laughed at their tardy first years. Tom, Theo and Mattheo managed to hold off the downright abusive ones who tried to latch onto Soren just to make fun of her, but even their deadliest glares didn't stop the incessant staring. It was obvious there was something different about her, something most Slytherins cast out as weak. And that was what made her their primary target whenever there was some bullying to do, even after the troll debacle. That's why, even though they too were cruel and horrible bullies to others, Soren made friends out of Tom and Mattheo Riddle. 

[just-finished-watching]

The Breakfast Club

Finished Watching: 01/22/24

Language: English

Genre: Comedy, Drama

Rating: 🌟🌟/5 (2/5)

Expectations: I've heard a lot about The Breakfast Club, so I really did expect more out of it. It's considered a cult classic, and frankly, I can see why people like it. There are simple characters, easy to grasp at first, and slowly reveal their complexities. I expected something a little more plot-wise but was a bit disappointed.

Not a Favorite

Summary: Five high school students from different walks of life endure a Saturday detention under a power-hungry principal. The group includes John (the criminal), Claire (the princess), Allison (the basket case), Brain (the brain), and Andrew (the athlete). Each gets a chance to tell their story and make the others see them differently. When the day ends, they learn they are more similar to each other than they first thought.

Thoughts (*SPOILERS*):

I thought the movie was going to be much better than it actually was, I won't lie. I've never seen the breakfast club before, and maybe if I were a high schooler (currently in college), I would have had a deeper connection to it. It's an ok coming of age film at worst, but a good one at best. The characters were archetypal at first, but that was to be expected. When it came down to it, I really liked certain characters, and others fell flat to me. But what felt flatter was probably the plot.

To begin, let's discuss the plot. Boring. Bland. Bleh. Teens get a detention and get to know each other. Now an overdone trope. With it being released in the 80s, I will give it some credit. I can see why people latched on: they saw themselves in these characters. They remembered themselves, or saw themselves, as these teens who felt lost and scared and wished they had a group of misfit friends to talk to about it. But most of it felt like a new plot point came out of nowhere. For example, the smoking scene. A classic, but for me, someone who's never seen it before, it was almost annoying. I don't know how else to describe it other than didn't like it.

Now the characters. John Bender is everyone's favorite bad boy. Felt too much like a perv and a douche. "Aww, but he had a hard home life." That's true, and I appreciate that part of his backstory. He is an asshole and only is probably because that's all he's ever seen. But, when he talks about sex way too much and forces everyone else to talk about it too it's uncomfortable. However, I do feel for him, especially when the principal (teacher?? Idk what Mr.Vernon was) locks him in the storage cabinet. You want to like him, especially when he's not making others feel uncomfortable. Also, 100% called that he would be a sort of hypocrite, scorning Claire and Andrew for social cliques, but also upholding the ideas himself. Oh, and of course he ended up with Claire.

Next, Claire Standish. Boring rich girl. Yes her parents argue and use her as a pawn in their arguments. Another stereotypical background just like John's. I was actually really hoping that she would prove somehow, other than just shouting from time to time, that she was sick of the perfect life. We know she skipped class to go shopping, and that's why she got detention. However, I was hoping to see a bit more. When they brought up the earrings, I was hoping that she would reveal that she stole them. Not because she had to, but because she wanted to.

By far, the most devastating character development to me was Allison Reynold's. Allison is weird, not really talking for most of the movie, only being a basket case. But I liked that. She was weird and exciting. I loved that her symbolism of growing closer to the others is actually physical as well. She starts off far, and as time goes on, she's allowing herself to stand next to them. Sit with them. Her being neglected was something I expected, but I love how she was a compulsive liar and it actually tied to her story. I hate how she got a makeover and that got her the guy? NO! Andrew liked her already, but he's just not used to it! Come on now!

Now, I have to talk about Andrew, but really, I didn't like him all that much. Just another jock character who acts like a douche sometimes cause of daddy issues. Ya' know, I would not be shocked if every single teen character made after this movie was loosely based on any of these characters, and Andrew furthers that point. He's alright, and I like how he's protective of the girls, but other than that, he's got nothing else.

Finally, Brian. Brian's a good character, but I wanted to know more about him. With Allison, the best part of her character is that you don't know what's going on in her head. For Brian, a character named after the fact that he's literally the BRAIN (I'm guessing), the opposite approach needed to happen. I wanted to know more about the pressure he felt. Yes, he felt intimidated when around the other characters, but he did open up. If he brought up his family dynamics a bit more, I think I would have appreciated his character even just a bit more.

Overall, the movie was actually good, but expectations and the things I hoped for made me a bit disappointed after I finished watching.

[omgafhsfanin2025]

OMG LOREN QUESTIONS OMG OMG HI YES UM uhhh for starters some lonnie ones . like .. how did loren and onnie meet?

did they like (friendly) each other at first? uhh how long did it take them to fall for each other (who fell first ? or what's their relationship like? <- if you want to go into those questions also)

did felix have a strong opinion about his sibling dating onnie? or maybe just a little and not so strong opinion? or did he not really mind like . at all?

HIHIHIHI

Ok sooo..... Loren and Onnie actually met when they were kids! Before Onnie was found by Deuz, he lived in the same town of Loren (I like to think that the Funtimes' past school was in a different town than FHS, a smaller one that doesn't have high schools), Onnie wasn't a very "problematic" kid back then, he was actually well-behaved, but he already had a very short temper, and while he wasn't prone to violence, his classmates always seemed to want to know what happened if they pushed him to the limit.

So a group of kids decided to pick a fight with him, and get Loren involved because... Idk. This school's students love to make people's life hard.

So yeah, they had to go through detention together, and while waiting for their turn they actually started to chat! It wasn't anything deep but the two did become friends. They would talk almost daily, Onnie was the only person Loren opened up to about his problems, onnie knew that and really appreciated that someone thought he was good company...

Well, until he got kicked out of his house. Onnie knew where Loren lived, so he tried to reach her house, but before he could even get to her street, those same kids that got him almost suspended decided to show onnie just how angry they could get, right during his most sensible time.

Fortunately Deuz was walking by before Onnie could get real hurt, and since the kid had nowhere else to go (Deuz wanted him to get away from there asap. He didn't even give onnie the time to think about where he was initially going) he decided to bring onnie with him, to another town (the FHS town), where he was renting an apartment.

Both Loren and Onnie didn't have a phone back then, so they couldn't message each other. Onnie tried to send her a letter to let him at least know he was fine, but Loren soon moved to a new home. And, as onnie would always send the papers to Lori's old address, he never got an answer.

Loren was worried too, Onnie never opened up much about his family issues, but Loren knew his situation wasn't pretty. She was scared something serious happened to him, and he couldn't do anything about it.

Finally, Loren started high school, and even with the relief of having his brother in school and everything, sometimes he still thinks about Onnie and what could have happened to him.

One day Loren missed the bus to school so he had to walk there. It wasn't very far but he had to pass through some scary alleyways. (Usually nothing was there but one orange stray cat, but it was still unsettling to Loren)

She soon noticed a weird figure staring at him, and tried to ignore it, walking faster and visibly scared.

Loren didn't recognise Onnie at all at first, but onnie did. The scars were the same, and his style almost didn't mutate at all.

Onnie had to call out his name to get Loren to recognise him by his voice. Loren there and there struggled to believe his eyes and could have easily just broken down and cried. And even if she didn't cause a scene, she did run towards him and hugged him tightly.

Onnie introduced him to Maggie and Deuz, that at the moment were looking for any neat thing hidden in the trash cans with onnie. (Oxy was in the apartment making himself breakfast and playing with Misfits (he wakes up late)

They never really noticed that they were falling in love. Ever since they reunited they would spend a lot of time together, and onnie would tell him about everything he's done ever since he left his home town. Loren was more than happy just to know her favourite person in the world was okay and alive. She, unlike Onnie, didn't go on many adventures, but Onnie always got him to talk, whether it'd be his favourite music or any project she was or wanted to work on.

The first time they've noticed that their bond was more than "best friendship" is when they've started to notice just how intimate they could get sometimes, and how nice kissing each other would feel, and how much the nightmares and Funtimes would actually tease them about their "relationship"

Really, at first they never noticed or took it seriously, they loved each other, yes, they just thought that was what "best friendship" looked like. The first one to figure it out was Onnie, when Oxy made him realise how he'd spend days in Loren's house.

It took surprisingly long for Onnie to build up the courage to actually ask Loren to a date (like, a romantic one) but he finally asked her out, the night of Halloween, while Loren was celebrating her 15th birthday. In front of the Nightmares and Loren's whole family.

They both - especially Onnie - don't really like to "act like a couple" in public, and rather do all the cheesy things in private, someone that doesn't know them can't really tell if they're more than just friends.

Felix.... he KNEW what was up with both of them and just decided to keep quiet until they'd finally confess their lovely feelings. And he really doesn't mind that his little sibling hangs out with the Nightmares, he's Maggie's childhood friend, and he trusts her enough to believe that she - or any Nightmares - wouldn't let Loren get too hurt or hurt her on purpose.

Still, He likes to be near when Loren plans to stay with the nightmares for more than a day, y'know, protective older brother stuff, and the fact that he knows the nightmares well enough to understand that the things they like to do could be a bit too dangerous, but hey! Loren is a deranged little guy and he has fun with them! Who is Felix for denying her fun??

[itsclydebitches]

You know, I just now noticed how so many characters of the main cast are just there because they're close to Ruby. Qrow, Yang, the rest of her team, Team JNPR... They should be there for the strength of their own characters, and what they themselves can add to the overall story. It's super weird seeing so many characters, and yet so very few of them actually being valuable additions. Even Weiss, who in theory should have had quite the storyline in Atlas, didn't add much.

I'd argue they're not even that close, objectively speaking. I’ve been thinking this since the Haven house and yeah, it does a disservice to all that their characters could be. Let’s just lay things out real quick:

Ren and Nora are implied to have nowhere else to go. It’s some kind of motivation, sure, but not a particularly compelling one. Or even, arguably, logical considering that it’s just been the two of them since they were toddlers. Why not go back to that?

Jaune is just… there. Literally. He’s at Ruby’s side when she decides to go after Cinder and, far as I can recall, that choice is never explicitly addressed. Did he go home like everyone else first? If not, why not? He’s got a huge family and there’s not even a thought to going back to them instead of on a Maiden suicide mission? The one motivation he had, hunting Cinder, has been entirely forgotten.

Weiss is Ruby’s partner, but partners have no meaning outside of school—we don’t see other huntsmen teams sticking together post-graduation. The Ace Ops, one of the very few non-solo, licensed fighters we see, treat partnership strictly as a job—and even if teams did still mean something, they only knew each other two semesters. Was she even trying to get back to them specifically, or just trying to leave her father? I've said this before, but it's worth repeating: while I absolutely understand that RWBY wants us to buy into this group being a family (they've outright say as much) the reality is they're not depicted as very close outside of those "We're family" statements. Case in point:

Blake has no relationship with Ruby. Volume 8’s attempt to make them appear close fell flat precisely because they’ve spent seven seasons not interacting at all. Blake unintentionally reunited with her team and is now only around because of Yang. And Yang…

Is here because of Ruby. She says it outright in Volume 5: she’ll do whatever Ruby thinks is best. She’s not on this mission because she believes in it, but because she wants to support her sister. Problem is, Yang has very strong opinions about a war she's not invested in and she starts disagreeing with Ruby later on, presumably erasing her entire reason for being here.

None of these characters have a personal stake in the Salem fight. Even Ruby with Silver Eyes and a dead or grimmified mother hasn’t voiced those as reasons for her continuing forward. She’s apparently motivated only by her simple soul desire to help people and everyone around her, in turn, is just… there. Because the plot needs them to be. And you know, that could work. It’s not a deep story by any means, but it’s serviceable. Ruby is the pure protagonist who will do anything to change the world and her friends, in turn, are devoted enough to help her and/or equally invested in doing the right thing. I absolutely get where the fandom is coming from when they argue that it’s essentially a Guardians of the Galaxy setup: they’re protecting Remnant because they’re some of the assholes who live in it. If not them, who?

However, RWBY has two crucial differences. First, it’s not actually a situation where the team has to step up because no one else will. Whereas Guardians gave us a conflict that only these few misfits were aware of, RWBY has given us a conflict that’s already been fought for a thousand years, already has an inner circle fighting, and the entire world is populated by people already engaged in the first half of this battle: keeping the grimm at bay. Ozpin already had plans in place for his reincarnation, Qrow was waiting for him, there was a safe house to meet at, they thought Lionheart was doing his part, and Ironwood was. Meanwhile, the protagonists were just there, asking to help with something that was already in motion and didn’t necessarily need them as specific individuals. The war needs allies, yes, but not one year dropouts who just went through multiple traumas and are, apparently, still too inexperienced to understand practical concerns or compromises. The plot could have gone on without them, very easily, and RWBY keeps introducing new ways to (unintentionally) emphasize that. Ironwood has already gathered new allies and has a new plan in the works by the time they show up. Oscar and Ozpin take out the whale without any help from the team. As others have argued, the group has, in many respects, made things astronomically worse. So the question is always, “Why are they involved?”

The second crucial difference is that RWBY likewise keeps introducing world-shattering difficulties, but not following that up with compelling reasons for why the group is sticking around despite those new struggles. Why didn’t Team RJNR re-evaluate things when it became clear that this hunt for Cinder was far more dangerous than they thought (Qrow nearly died)? Why isn’t anyone hesitant to jump head first into this fight against they mysterious witch they know almost nothing about? Things made sense for a little while when they had short-term goals. We’ll help Ozpin check on Lionheart. Now we’ll get the Relic to Atlas. These are straightforward, comparatively simple things we can do to help the larger cause. But then they got to Atlas and didn’t complete their mission. They segued into doing generic huntsmen duties with the Lamp still on their belt, letting Ironwood do all the Salem-related work, actively undermining that in regards to Yang and Blake helping Robyn, and then the plot forced them back into the Salem conflict by having her attack where they were staying. Why am I invested in these characters fighting this fight when they actively choose not to participate when given the chance (Atlas duties, mansion scene), undermine other's work (lying to Ironwood, trusting Robyn, attacking Ozpin), and then only get re-involved because whoops, Salem's subordinates are trying to kill us because we still have the Relic we should have put in the vault weeks ago. This is such a convoluted set of non-motivations! Yet at the same time, this group had a complete breakdown over the revelation that she’s immortal, so why are they so compelled to fight her anyway? I don’t ask that as a way to say they shouldn’t fight, but rather to emphasize that as characters we should understand what drives them against such staggering odds.

“They’re good people” really doesn’t cut it. Especially not in a story where formerly good people—the Lionhearts of Remnant—are crumbling left and right under the pressure. It feels like the story once again assumes that because this team is made up of protagonists, them doing the right thing is a forgone conclusion that the story never needs to establish or grapple with. Yet RWBY, strangely, doesn’t even leave it at that. Rather, it continually introduces reasons why the cast should consider leaving and then… they don’t do that. Why is Ren sticking around when he believes that they’re doing everything wrong? Why is Jaune acting as a crossing guard when he previously wanted to find Cinder? Why is Yang still following orders (ironic) when her sole motivation, believing in her sister, didn’t exist all last volume? (And why did that disappear for a completely random worry that Blake is mad at her?) Why is Weiss focused on killing Salem rather than helping her family, or redeeming the SDC, her actual, original goals? Why is Blake in the very heart of Remnant's faunus racism and yet ignores that to hang around until Salem gives her a reason to do something again? (And then she does incredibly little, staying in the mansion and failing to take out a single grimm.) Hell, why does leaving Salem automatically equal fighting Salem for Emerald? Out of everyone there except Ozpin, she knows best how scary Salem is, so why isn't she trying to get the hell out of there, staying as far away from Salem's enemies as possible? Saying the protagonists are just Good People who will automatically fight is one thing, saying it of the character who was a villain an hour ago is something else entirely. I honestly believe that a lot of the cast bloat is a result of the writers having no idea why these characters are here, but keeping them around because they likewise have no idea why they might leave (that also requires development!) yet the reality is that some of them should be bowing out, or prioritizing helping in other ways. Yeah, Salem is a threat, but until she outright attacked Atlas, she was a threat Humanity had been dealing with since it came into existence. The show has a very meta approach to this conflict where the main characters have to act because they're the main characters, yet the actual situation we've been given has been going on since their dawn of time and, as far as they should know, will continue on long past their own lifetimes. The characters taking the most active role in this war should be the ones with the strongest ties to it (Oscar) and the deepest personal motivation (Ruby). But what we’ve got are characters like Nora where the motivation is, “Idk, she’s here because her friends from one year of schooling are here? Because Ren is here? But Ren doesn’t agree with any of this. And Nora wants some distance from Ren to discover who she is. So… shouldn’t she leave?”

Obviously no viewer likes seeing their faves put on the bus and, frankly, if RT was going to lessen the cast they should have done it post-Volume 3. But if we can’t have a story actually focusing on the characters most connected to the conflict, at the very least establish some reasons why everyone is hanging around, other than, “They’re good people.” Team RWBY just died. Going into Volume 9, I really can't emphasize that enough. As far as they (momentarily) and anyone else knows, they 100% died when they fell off those bridges, murdered by Cinder and Neo. They gave up their lives for this fight and they didn’t even last a year! Meanwhile, a close friend was just really-really killed by another close friend, all the evacuees are being eaten by grimm, and Atlas is gone. If that doesn’t make the characters reconsider thoughtlessly throwing themselves into this fight and discovering what actually motivates them against those kinds of odds and repercussions, I don’t know what will.

[rockislandadultreads]

Dark Humor & Dystopian Fiction: book recs

Early Riser by Jasper Fforde

Every Winter, the human population hibernates. During those bitterly cold four months, the nation is a snow-draped landscape of desolate loneliness, and devoid of human activity. Well, not quite. Your name is Charlie Worthing and it's your first season with the Winter Consuls, the committed but mildly unhinged group of misfits who are responsible for ensuring the hibernatory safe passage of the sleeping masses. You are investigating an outbreak of viral dreams which you dismiss as nonsense; nothing more than a quirky artefact borne of the sleeping mind. When the dreams start to kill people, it's unsettling. When you get the dreams too, it's weird. When they start to come true, you begin to doubt your sanity. But teasing truth from Winter is never easy: You have to avoid the Villains and their penchant for murder, kidnapping and stamp collecting, ensure you aren't eaten by Nightwalkers whose thirst for human flesh can only be satisfied by comfort food, and sidestep the increasingly less-than-mythical WinterVolk. But so long as you remember to wrap up warmly, you'll be fine.

Red Clocks by Leni Zumas

Five women. One question. What is a woman for? In this ferociously imaginative novel, abortion is once again illegal in America, in-vitro fertilization is banned, and the Personhood Amendment grants rights of life, liberty, and property to every embryo. In a small Oregon fishing town, five very different women navigate these new barriers alongside age-old questions surrounding motherhood, identity, and freedom. Ro, a single high-school teacher, is trying to have a baby on her own, while also writing a biography of Eivør, a little-known 19th-century female polar explorer. Susan is a frustrated mother of two, trapped in a crumbling marriage. Mattie is the adopted daughter of doting parents and one of Ro's best students, who finds herself pregnant with nowhere to turn. And Gin is the gifted, forest-dwelling homeopath, or "mender," who brings all their fates together when she's arrested and put on trial in a frenzied modern-day witch hunt.

The Postmortal by Drew Magary

John Farrell is about to get "The Cure." Old age can never kill him now. The only problem is, everything else still can... Imagine a near future where a cure for aging is discovered and-after much political and moral debate-made available to people worldwide. Immortality, however, comes with its own unique problems-including evil green people, government euthanasia programs, a disturbing new religious cult, and other horrors. Witty, eerie, and full of humanity, The Postmortal is an unforgettable thriller that envisions a pre-apocalyptic world so real that it is completely terrifying.

The New Wilderness by Diane Cook

Bea’s five-year-old daughter, Agnes, is slowly wasting away. The smog and pollution of the City—an over-populated, over-built metropolis where most of the population lives—is destroying her lungs. But what can Bea do? No one leaves the City anymore, because there is nowhere else to go. But across the country lies the Wilderness State, the last swath of open, protected land left. Here forests and desert plains are inhabited solely by wildlife. People are forbidden. Until now. Bea, Agnes, and eighteen others volunteer to live in the Wilderness State as part of a study to see if humans can co-exist with nature. Can they be part of the wilderness and not destroy it? Living as nomadic hunter-gatherers, this new community wanders through the grand country, trying to adhere to the strict rules laid down by the Rangers, whose job it is to remind them they must Leave No Trace. As the group slowly learns to live and survive on the unpredictable and often dangerous land, its members battle for power and control and betray and save each other. The farther they roam, the closer they come to their animal soul. To her dismay, Bea discovers that, in fleeing to the Wilderness State to save Agnes, she is losing her in a different way. Agnes is growing wilder and closer to the land, while Bea cannot shake her urban past. As she and Agnes grow further apart, the bonds between mother and daughter are tested in surprising and heartbreaking ways. Yet just as these modern nomads come to think of the Wilderness State as home, its future is threatened when the Government discovers a new use for the land. Now the migrants must choose to stay and fight for their place in the wilderness, their home, or trust the Rangers and their promises of a better tomorrow elsewhere.

[a-fluffer-nutter]

Pep Talk

A/N - Here is a shorter fic of Barry Allen/The Flash being stressed out as the Justice League was in the dawn of their existence. Diana somehow makes him feel better. Enjoy!

Word Count: 735

           He wasn’t entirely sure if he was ready for it all, the whole world saving thing. Barry was not that old, definitely the youngest of this dysfunctional crew of heroes, if that’s what they really were. Barry didn’t consider himself a hero. He just was a guy that could run really, really fast. That’s cool and all, but like his teammate was Superman. Yeah, the Superman.

           Barry paced in the kitchen area of their facility, a secret base if you will. Bruce Wayne had purchased a large piece of land to convert into a training and residential area for the Justice League. Yes, Barry thought the name was hilarious too, even if he played a massive part in the naming of their team. Now, Barry wasn’t super wealthy, so when the richest man in the entire world told him that Barry was going to receive a large room in this giant, middle of nowhere, hidden facility, Barry got excited. Very excited. Taking all of his belongings, he moved to the top secret facility and has been living there for about a month now. Despite this, Barry didn’t feel very heroic compared to the others. He had been watching Batman in the news lately, and damn, Bruce was a hero. That man was incredible. Barry, despite helping to save the world, didn’t feel like he so much belonged in this exceptional group of misfits.

            This is where Diana came in. She had moved into the facility as well, though kept her office and job as an archaeologist and curator. It’s not like she had any issues travelling far, she could fly, which made Barry very jealous. Sure, he could get anywhere in the East Coast in less than an hour, but flying was so much cooler.

           “Hello, Barry,” Diana walked into Barry’s room, though the door had been closed for some time. Diana wasn’t one for privacy, Barry had noted early on in this living situation. Barry was sitting in front of his computer, reading through countless news stories on his heroic companions. Though once his door opened, her immediately clicked off, so only his screen saver was showing. “You are very stressed.”

           “Um, thanks?” Barry bit his lip, fighting off a bark of a laugh. Diana was very blunt, as was practically everyone else in the team. At least Cyborg was chill.

           “What is the matter?” Her smile was very sweet, though her eyes had the intensity of a lion biting into the throat of an antelope. “I can help.”

           “I am just stressed, no reason to it,” Barry sighed, leaning back in the rolling chair. “That’s it. Goodbye, Diana. I’ll see you at dinner.”

           Instead of leaving, Diana walked further into the room and stood directly behind him. He unconsciously sank into the chair, still intimidated by the powerful woman. Then, out of nowhere, she began to dig her fingers into his belly.

           “What the hell?” He choked out, cackling wildly, thrashing in his chair.

           “This is a way I was taught that humans can make each other feel better. It seems to be working well on you,” Diana beamed, smiling nearly as wide as he was. “You are no longer frowning.”

           “I can’t frown if I tried,” Barry squealed, letting out a snort as she poked his navel. “Okay, stop! I’ll tell you why I’m stressed.”

           “That was easy,” Diana pulled her hands away and clapped once.

           “I just feel like I’m not a good enough hero to be part of this group,” Barry let out after a few moments of taking in deep breaths, his lungs in desperate need of refilling. Diana frowned down at him, making Barry feel bad about his words.

           “You are the greatest of heroes, Barry,” she said firmly, eyes full of pride. “You are one of the bravest men I have ever met. I am thankful to have you by my side.”            “Wait, really?”

           “That is the truth,” Diana nodded, then pat him on the top of his head.

           “Thank you, Diana,” Barry replied, though she was already walking away. Her job was done in her eyes, and while Barry was very confused by that whiplash interaction, he somehow felt better. Sitting up, Barry relaxed his shoulders and held his head high. He was a hero, and despite Diana not being the best at pep talk, she made him feel heroic, and for that, he was grateful.

[aeonct]

The one that got away

Prompt: I’m finally ready to be with you, but you’ve finally moved on from me, and I’m too late.

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Long af, slight mentions of sex, prob typos too

It was a slip up. Jaemin wasn’t supposed to hear any of it yet he had. It all started when you befriended his best friend and roommate Renjun. You two were majoring in the arts department so naturally Renjun started to invite you everywhere they went and in a short amount of time the guys had grown accustomed to your presence. Your friendship with Mark had built up through memes and inside jokes, Haechan and Chenle would constantly involve you in their shenanigans, Jisung would seek you out a lot for advice and tutoring claiming you were the only one with enough patience to handle him, Jeno was your workout buddy whom you would enjoy long walks with and Jaemin? Jaemin was your fuck buddy.

That is exactly how he fitted into your life. Despite the warnings he got from the rest of the guys he didn’t leave you out of his list of beauties he’d really like to mess with. It was easy to ignore him at first seeing as you had a boyfriend already but when out of nowhere Sicheng decided to break it up with you, it was as if something inside of you completely broke besides your heart that is. You decided that fuck it, life is too short to dwell on heartbreaks and you gave into the excitements that no-strings-attached would give you. Jaemin however was not someone you were willing to do. I mean yes, you thought he was really attractive and very capable according to rumors of his latest conquests but that would mean jeopardizing not only your friendship with said man but the rest of the group too. You fit in very well with those bunch of goofy misfits and one fuck (or several) wasn’t worth the risk. You told yourself this time and time again whenever Jaemin would come up to you and start his incessant flirting, thankful when one of the boys would drag him away from you because you knew one of these days you might give in.

And that you did. It had been months since you last had someone to call boyfriend. You were invited to a party at an upperclassman’s house that you got along with very well. Johnny was well known for the wild parties he threw and this was no exception. When you got there the house was already a mess but that was to be expected with the many friends and jocks Johnny had invited. When you dated Sicheng you got his friends as the whole pack and so even though you had broken up you still talked to a few of them. Yet sometimes it was awkward because you knew the majority of them excluded you the moment Sicheng left you. They didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable and therefor had no idea where you fit in after said break up. Though they still like you as a friend, they sided with Sicheng more and you understood that very well seeing as they had known the boy far longer.

The moment you walked in you felt an arm around you and you didn’t even have to turn to know it was Yuta, one of the few guys that still kept in contact with you that was friends with Sicheng.

“Yo, you made it.” He gave you one of his dazzling smiles, and you rolled your eyes because he was clearly drunk. 

“Yeah and you need to sober up” You said hauling his taller form to the nearest couch. Doyoung didn’t waste a second, immediately coming over to tend to the drunk guy. He greeted you rather awkwardly and you smiled back rather stiffly. And this is why you wouldn’t fuck Jaemin. Once upon a time you were laughing along with “Sicheng’s squad” teasing a flustered Doyoung and now you can’t even be in the same room as some of them because of the awkward tension.

You did not want to suffer the same fate with your new group of friends despite knowing the break up wasn’t your fault and it wasn’t fair that Sicheng’s friends were being that way towards you.

You were surprised to see Mark and Jaemin outside when you ventured towards the pool area knowing your way around the house easily. What you were more surprised about however wasn’t how those two knew Johnny, but Sicheng sitting with his feet dipped inside the water with an earpod on, smiling as he played with a girl’s hand. She had his other earpod on splashing her feet around the water. The sting in your heart wasn’t because you still loved him. At least you’d like to believe that wasn’t the case but because that was your thing. That is exactly how you and Sicheng came to be and how you’d spend most of Johnny’s parties together because Sicheng never really liked the wild ambiance. Neither did you and that’s when you would drag him to the pool to listen to music while you talked about everything and nothing.

Now there he was, smiling like he didn’t leave you without answers. And oh god, he looked up just in time to catch you staring and wow those beautiful eyes of his still made your knees buckle. It didn’t take a genius to see you were having a mental breakdown. He approached you first with guilt written all over his handsome face and having him this close was making you malfunction. Before either of you spoke Jaemin had cut in and saved you.

“Babe I was looking for you” He said slipping an arm around your waist. He brought you back to reality and all you remember from that night was the bitter taste of alcohol and Jaemin’s intoxicating scent lulling you to sleep.

The next morning you woke up to a very naked Jaemin groaning about how his head was going to explode any second. And you knew you fucked up. Oh shit you wouldn’t hear the end of it from Renjun.

It wasn’t like Jaemin wanted this to happen either. Sure, he joked about it and flirted with you occasionally but he didn’t think he’d ever go through with it. You were so beautiful to him, so precious as a friend and when he wasn’t trying to flirt with you and you weren’t trying to strangle him over his player ways or nag him about his projects you were a delight to be around. You listened to him better than anyone else had, you had the best advice it was no wonder Jisung would always run to you when he needed it, and you cooked better than him too.

Jaemin thinks if he was capable of loving he’d love you. But that wasn’t the case. He very much enjoyed one night stands and dating was out of the equation. But you both really liked what had happened that night and an unbearable sexual tension formed itself between you both since that day. Jaemin tried to ignore it but the images of that night, how soft you felt, how good you took him in and how nice he felt inside you was too much to handle. Your voice once melodic to him would remind him of the many noises you’re capable of making in that state and it was driving him crazy.

Unbeknownst to him you felt the same way.

Jaemin tried to avoid you after it became too much. He continued to fuck around and you did the same until he couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed you by the arm at a party once before you left in the arm of some other guy. Something in him snapped and he couldn’t bare the thought of someone else seeing you in that state when he knew what it was like now.

Late night study sessions where the disguise you both formed in order to keep this friends with benefits thing a secret. And it worked until you were consumed with guilt and decided to come clean.

The guys didn’t like it at all. One of them in particular had his heart broken that same day.

To say you fell in love was an understatement. At first it was in the way he took care of you after sex. Then it came in the subtle ways he’d remind you that he was thinking of you even if it was in a dirty way. Lastly it was when Jaemin completely stopped fucking other girls much to your, and everyone else’s surprise. You had gotten into a fight with him over him refusing to drop the playboy attitude. He had stormed off after making it clear that you weren’t dating therefor had no control over who he fucked. A few days later Renjun had told you he hadn’t brought anyone back since your fight and that gave you hope.

Hope that Jaemin would change and maybe you would develop your relationship. But you didn’t.

Although he decided he would not do anyone else he was still against dating and you understood albeit disappointed, but you would never admit that. At least not to him.

“I never really had a good example of what love is like.” Jaemin had started one night after you had come over to study with Renjun. As always you ended up in Jaemin’s bed fully naked and cuddling. “My parents were toxic to each other up until their divorce.” He was afraid of commitment. Afraid of turning out like his parents and you wanted nothing more but to confess and hope he takes a chance on you but he didn’t let you speak. “You see I’m a very selfish person when I date.” He explains how he tends to put himself first and always ends up hurting the other person because he’s afraid of coming out harmed. His distrust in relationships is far more than you expected. He calls himself overbearing and manipulative. But it’s all he does to protect himself, his heart.

To Jaemin you were different but not enough to let down his walls for you. But there were changes. In the way you had memorized his coffee order, the way you would go out of your way to help him even though you were different majors, how you would remind him of his deadlines yet never pressure him like the others did. You’d leave random notes in his room that he’d pick up and smile at.

He had always thought you were beautiful but you looked ethereal when you were doing what you loved most and that was painting. Sometimes he’d go to the studio you and Renjun rented for your many art projects on the pretense of bothering the former. He’d watch you put your hair up in a messy bun. Those talented, soft hands would pick up a wooden palette with ease and he’d watch as you mix different colors and stroke beautiful images to life with delicate flicks of your wrist. His mind would no longer be in the gutter when looking at your hands.

“The theme is love.” Renjun pondered over it, having a hard time coming up with something worthy enough to submit. Your project was the reason Jaemin had opened up to you about his intake on love and he was curious to see what you came up with. Though Renjun ended up kicking him out before he could make sense of what you were painting.

Said project was also the reason you had been found out. Jaemin had an exhausting day and he couldn’t wait to get home and nap, but before that he had two more classes to attend to. Deciding it’d be best he doesn’t make a fool of himself in either class, he begins to walk towards his shared apartment only a few blocks away. You live 20 minutes away from campus so most of the time you’re seen hanging out at his and Renjun’s place so he hopes to find you there.

What he doesn’t expect to come home to is you venting to Renjun about how much you love him. It takes Jaemin some time to recover from his shock which turns into panic. You let out a gasp when you hear the sound of the door beeping, signaling an incomer.

Jaemin doesn’t spend the night at his apartment opting to stay over at Mark’s instead.

“Dude don’t you love her too?” Mark raises an eyebrow when Jaemin spills everything to him. And that feels like a slap of reality to Jaemin because the thought had crossed his mind once before he buried it. But he can’t deny it. He loves the way you look at him, the way you smile at him when you think he isn’t looking, the way you walk around campus with your paintings tucked neatly in tubes on your back, the way your glasses fit you perfectly when you decide you need them, the way your hair falls on his face and it tickles his nose when you’re on top of him simply kissing on his bed, the way your hand fits perfectly in his. He’s noticed you both initiate small gestures before he panics and pushes you away because that’s not what fuck buddies do. It scares him how some gestures you both do unconsciously closely resemble that of a couple.

He runs a hand through his dyed locks and a sigh escapes his pretty pink lips. “I can’t. You know I can’t Mark.” The brown haired male hands him a cup of tea rolling his eyes. “Yes you can you just have to overcome this irrational fear of yours.” And Jaemin snaps because it’s not irrational. You were the only one who understood this part of him and never judged him. You were precious. You weren’t someone he could hurt and discard the moment he thought his heart wasn’t safe anymore.

He loves you. He loves you so much it scares the living shit out of him because he’s never loved before. At least not as passionate as he loves you. Therefor he can’t lose you.

The next day he agrees to meet up with you. When he gets to the coffee shop you’ve already ordered his usual. He notes the smudged colors on your face and clothes, so a usual day for you except for the dark circles forming underneath your pretty eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Jaemin apologizes for running away and you chip at your nail polish as you wait for the rejection to come. Jaemin knows that’s not actual nail polish though. It’s a mixture of your painting that you either accidentally get on you or you do it yourself when you’re having trouble painting. Most commonly though its the result of your painter’s block when you’re struggling to come up with ideas and images to paint.

Jaemin thought artists had it easy. They just had to be creative enough and boom their talented hands did the work. At least that’s how he viewed Renjun. It wasn’t until you came along that he finally gain interest in what his roommate does and started to realize you guys too deal with a ton of stress and so much as well.

“I still don’t know where I stand with you.” He lies and for good reason because he doesn’t want to give you hope and start something when he knows he’s simply not ready.

And you believe him because you knew how much his heart ached at the thought of love.

And just like that you both call it quits. At least Jaemin is nice enough to not exclude you.

It hurts both of you whenever you’re in the same room yet you can’t touch each other. He yearns for your lips and your warmth and your soft breath against him. You were driving him crazy, this time simply by existing.

He goes to your art exhibition and feels the proudest out of everyone in your group of friends, yet he can’t hug you because he’s afraid he’ll crack and won’t have the guts to let go of you.

“Dude do something.” Jaemin hears Haechan whine to Renjun about his current state but Renjun hushes the boy because he thinks this is something you both should solve on your own.

Jaemin continues on barely living. He misses you and your sarcastic jabs, your nagging, your morning bickering, your odd way of viewing things that turn out to be eye opening and has him thinking deeply too. You were so artsy and creative therefor so random and you challenged him in so many ways. You continue to leave him in awe, out of breath.

So when he gets an offer to study abroad he accepts it. He thinks it’s a good opportunity to either get rid of his feelings for you or help him overcome this side of himself before he gives his all to you.

The boys are equally as shocked as you are yet still throw him a farewell party albeit rushed since Jaemin thought it’d be a good idea to give them a week’s notice.

Your heart aches more and more with each passing day because you can’t imagine a life without Jaemin. He looks stupidly handsome even in the shocked state he’s in over the surprise party he’s been thrown, and you can’t help but choke up because this is it, after tomorrow he’ll no longer be around until who knows when. Renjun thinks he’ll accept a job offer abroad after he graduates with the many offers he’s already been getting despite still having years to graduate and who wouldn’t want Jaemin at their firm anyways? He’ll be an excellent architect one day.

When he looks at you you notice his black roots haven’t been touched and that’s saying something because Jaemin is always in style. He gives you a soft smile and something flickers in his eyes before he’s giving you that same glint he always gave you when you both were still friends. So he doesn’t feel the same way and you think that’s okay. You’re not the one destined to be Jaemin’s happy ending.

You can’t help but be jealous of whoever will be.

Jaemin wants nothing more than to wipe that sad look off your face but he stands firm on what he has to do. There’s no backing out now.

To say getting Jaemin drunk was a bad idea is an understatement. He spends most of the time in the living room sipping out of his red solo cup while you spend yours in Renjun’s room or the kitchen trying to avoid Jaemin as much as possible because you fear you’ll break down and beg him not to leave you. So it comes as a surprise when Jaemin comes into the kitchen stumbling over nothing. You manage to catch him right on time with much struggle and that’s when he pushes you against the counter and suddenly his lips are on yours.

It’s a bitter kiss and you push him away lightly, mindful of his drunken state but then he snakes his arms around your waist and his warmth envelopes you like those nights you miss dearly and you’re pudding in his arms. You clutch onto his jacket, the same one he’d wrap around you when you’d get cold and you fail to notice it still has the stain you left the last time you wore it because Jaemin refused to wash it.

You fail to notice the longing looks he’s been giving you all night, the many times his hands twitched and played with his hair in frustration because he couldn’t go up to you and kiss you like he wanted to. Not roughly like this but slowly and sickeningly sweet, full of the passion and love he has for you.

You whimper against his lips and he pulls away to rest his forehead against yours. He looks you straight in the eyes “Don’t ignore me. At least not today.” Because today is all he’s got before he’s packing the last of his stuff tomorrow. He kisses you again, this time it’s sweet and full of so many emotions that give you hope because this is the Jaemin you fell in love with. The one that’s not afraid of being vulnerable and himself. At least around you. You run your fingers through his soft hair and he grunts against your lips because he missed this. He missed you.

He loves you.

He wants to become a better person for you. Maybe later on in life when he comes back he’ll be that person you can safely rely on and trust your heart with but now? He still sees himself becoming possessive over you, annoying you with texts of where you are and who you’re with, demanding attention and receiving more than giving, being a jealous mess over anyone who approaches you with or without ill intentions and he cant do that to you. Never you.

He has to learn how to tame that side of himself first. Has to learn to trust and get rid of this fear that’s eating him from the inside.

He can’t risk losing you over these irrational emotions.

He can’t give you toxic Jaemin because you deserve his best version of himself.

You don’t know how long it’s been but the party has long been over and both your lips are swollen when you pull away. He kisses your forehead and holds you for so long that your legs begin to give out. He notices though because of course this is you and Jaemin always notices every single detail of yours. He guides you to a chair and plops you down. He kneels on the floor in front of you and he brushes strands of hair out of your way tucking them behind your ear. He kisses your hands one last time. “Promise me you’ll be happy.”

You want to scream at Jaemin because obviously no you won’t be but he’s looking at you with such softness that you mistook it for love for a brief second and you can’t help but nod.

“That’s a good girl y/n.” And he gives you that one fucking beautiful smile you love so much and you hate him because he’d only say that in bed. You were his baby girl in the sheets and you don’t want to think of that right now. “You were always my favourite.” and that’s all he can say to make it non-romantic.

A line he’d tease you with during your fuck buddy days claiming you were the best he’d ever had.

And just like that he walks away leaving you to sob uncontrollably.

You don’t see him again after that. Jaemin thinks it’s better this way when you didn’t show up to see him off because he’d have a lot of trouble trying to explain the black eye and bruised lip.

The night of your goodbye Jeno had shoved Jaemin to the ground telling him he was an asshole for putting you through all of that and Jaemin didn’t even fight back. He felt like he deserved every punch and curse word thrown at him.

“You were right about one thing.” The dark haired male said as Mark and Renjun pull him off of him. “Y/n does deserve better.”  

It isn’t until five years later when he comes back to Jeno being a mess about something that he understands the implication of that.

“He’s fretting over how to propose to y/n.” Jisung mindlessly provides. It’s as if someone pressed pause because everyone stopped moving except Jeno who was pacing back and forth trying to think up ideas. They all look at Jaemin who by now wears a facade with ease.

He shrugs it off telling them its been half a decade. But only Renjun catches onto the way his thumbs fidget and his hands ball up into fists.

When he finally sees you again you look more mature, still so breathtakingly beautiful that it pains him thinking of how much of you he missed out on. You have your hands intertwined with Jeno’s and Jaemin can clearly see how happy he makes you. How happy you make Jeno when his cute eye smile comes out at anything you do and Jaemin thinks that should’ve been him not Jeno. It’s clear as day that you both really really love each other.

Jeno can’t help but kiss your hand every two minutes. You’re so precious to him and there’s not a day that goes by that he doesn’t show it. He showers you with so much affection and he’s so whipped for you and you really love his smile that all you can see is him and all he can see is you.

You two are the reason your friends believe in true love (also the reason they feel like puking 24/7) and you think you wouldn’t have it any other way.

When you look at Jaemin its nostalgia that comes over you, no longer love or heartache. He was pain and heartbreak but in a way also your first love and that feeling is something you’ll hold dear. You don’t love him anymore and you think back to the day Jeno confessed, how he was always there for you after Jaemin left, how when you couldn’t think or eat he’d drag you to his soccer games and dedicate goals after goals for you,,,, to cheer you up he did so much just to see your smile again. When you couldn’t sleep he’d take you out on his bike to see a new world you hadn’t explored before. He had so many girls after him that you never expected him to fall for you, the one pining over the wrong guy.

He’s a professional soccer player and you’re a painter drawing what you love most.

Jaemin is a successful architect still drawing lines over his heart. He thinks this heartache too will pass. It hurts to see you both so in love yet he knows you’re in good hands because Jeno would never hurt you. He’s probably been in love with you for longer than he had.

Jaemin’s biggest mistake? Thinking he could do everything alone, thinking he could learn alone when he had you once. He knows you wouldn’t have hesitate to help him back then if only he would’ve asked and pleaded you to be patient and stayed by his side. The years without you were hard and he regrets ever leaving you behind. 

Conclusion? Jaemin is the biggest idiot and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be over you.

His first and last love.

[angst-fairygodmother]

Scenario 18 and/or dialogue 23with Nathan and the Misfits crew might be fun?

A/N: I think I had a little too much fun with this one... Also if anyone wants recommendations for creepy carnival/circus music to add ambiance check the tags for my listening-list. Word Count: 4032 Content Warnings: death, murder, death threats, attempted murder, implied threat of sexual violence (very implied)

“Ugh,” you groaned, leaning on the railing outside the community center. “How long is that going to be there?”

The others looked to where you were gesturing to the bright colorful tents and flagpoles being set up on the far end of the park. 

“The carnival is going to be in town for a week,” Simon said, shrugging. “It’s not so bad, although it does mean a lot more people around.”

“Yeah, but it’s a carnival. There’s halls of mirrors and kettle corn and candy floss,” Nathan listed off, sounding more excited than he usually let you all see. “And clowns!”

“I hate clowns,” you said with a shudder.

“Don’t act like you do,” Curtis muttered, casting a glance over at Nathan and rolling his eyes.

You glared before turning your attention to your boyfriend, who had decided to take up his usual antics and was hanging over the rail by his knees (and one hand which he tried to hide) like he was trying to be a trapeze artist and hassling Kelly, who kept threatening to push him over into the lake. 

“Nathan Young, this lake is worse than the Bog of Eternal Stench, and if you end up in it, I’m not shagging you for a week,” you called over.

He shot up instantly, almost losing his balance in his scramble to get not only off the rail but as far from it as he could, as if the water could reach up and drag him in. Suddenly his attention was caught by a poster on the nearby column and he wandered over to it. Curious, you all followed, leaning around to read the bright purple page. 

‘Raven Brothers’ Carnival and Sideshow! Now hiring local performers with unique talents to be featured in our show!’

“We should totally do it,” Nathan said. “I mean with our powers, we’ll be a hit.”

“Mine’s not exactly one I want to be showing off,” Alisha pointed out, flinching at the thought, “so I’ll pass.”

“Fair point, what about the rest of us?” Nathan looked around the group, none of you particularly keen on the idea of using your powers like cheap tricks, especially not so close to home where you were sure to be seen by loved ones and neighbors.

“No,” Simon said, shaking his head determinedly. “It’s not right. We shouldn’t abuse our powers like that.”

Well, it wasn’t quite the voice of reason you were hoping for, but it was close, so you half-heartedly agreed.

“Well I’m going to anyway. It says ‘cash paid.’” Nathan snapped, trying to play off his hurt that you had all sided against him off as nonchalance. 

“Nathan…” you sighed, curling your fingers around his bicep, only to be shrugged off as he stormed in the direction of the carnival.

“It’ll be fine...right?” you asked the others, a bit fearfully. No one answered you, Kelly and Alisha casting you sympathetic glances and Curtis shrugging before all four of them turned back to gather their things and carry on with work for the day.

~

“The Playhouse?” Nathan read the sign above the red structure that had been erected with surprising speed given how sturdy it looked. “Kinky.” 

He had followed the signs, and then the crowd of freaks, here so that he could audition. But now that he was here...he fidgeted, running a hand through his unruly hair. 

He wasn’t nervous exactly, he told himself, trying to maintain his bravado even as an internal monologue. He just wished Y/N was here, to give him a kiss for luck. Not that he needed luck when he had charm and natural talent. He just liked the excuse to kiss her. Yeah, that was it.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed the little black door open and strode into the dim, velvet-lined interior. He had to admit, it was spookier than he expected a carnival to be, but maybe that was just because it wasn’t all done up and lit yet.

“Hello,” an airy voice called to him. “Are you here for the auditions?”

His eyes fell to the small, dark haired woman at the front of the room, sitting in front of a raised stage. She had a clipboard in her hands and a very glittery tophat perched off-kilter on her head. “I’m the Head Floozy, I run all the stage performances and the carousel.” She offered him a brilliant grin.

He frowned, puzzled by her title, especially given that she certainly wasn’t dressed like a floozy in her loose jeans and bulky turtleneck sweater. Not that he would have noticed if she was. Because he had Y/N and would never look elsewhere when she was right there. But she wasn’t right there…

He shook his head, pulling his thoughts back to the woman who now raised her eyebrows questioningly at him.

“Oh, yeah. I am,” he answered, once again trying to play up the bravado.

“Great! I love how many young people are still performers at heart! What’s your name and your talent so I can add you to my list.”

“Nathan. Nathan Young,” he smirked. “And I’m immortal.”

“Sorry what?”

“I’m immortal. I’ve got this weird power from a freak storm and now whenever I die, I just come back to life. It’s great!”

She stared at him for a moment. “Well then, Nathan Nathan Young,” her voice held a hint of something dangerous under its lightness. “You just moved up to the first slot. Why don’t you hope up there on that stage and show me what you’ve got.”

“Oh…” he hadn’t thought about the fact that they’d want a demonstration. Too late now… “Well, of course! But I need some way to die first.”

“That won’t be a problem. You just hope on up and I’ll take care of the rest.”

Nathan climbed onto the stage. The woman pulled a wicked looking knife out of seemingly nowhere. She pulled her arm back and Nathan felt a jolt of regret, and pain as the knife embedded itself in his gut.

He sank to his knees with a wheezing groan.

A few moments later he woke with a gasp, his eyes flying open to find the Head Floozy standing over him, the knife (still covered in his blood) in her hand.

“Welcome back,” she chirped, a bright grin on her painted lips. 

She reached her free hand out to offer him help up. He decided not to take it, and her eyes narrowed but the smile never disappeared.

“You are definitely in. But, Nathan Nathan Young, do you have any friends with cool talents like yours?”

“Sure. My mate Kelly can read minds, and the weird kid, Barry, can make himself invisible. And my girlfriend…” he trailed off, your disapproving frown flashing across his mind.

“Whatever her power is, you can surprise me with it later,” the Floozy waved her hand dismissively. 

“What?” He frowned. 

She locked eyes with him, her face growing serious. “Bring them to me.” The command sounded nothing like her normal voice.

Nathan’s eyes went glassy for a moment and he found himself unable to resist, not wanting to even, before the world came back into focus.

“What was that?” he asked, having not heard what the woman said after asking if anyone else had powers. 

“Oh nothing!” That bubbly trill was going to get annoying fast, he thought. “Just be sure you’re here first thing tomorrow for rehearsal. We don’t have much time before the Grand Opening!”

After Nathan left the room, the Floozy turned to a man who had been watching from the shadows.

“This will be the Greatest Show Ever!” she exclaimed.

“Yes, a trick like that is sure to bring in the crowds,” he replied. “It might let us be stable for a while, not worry about it.”

~

A few days later, things were still tense between you and Nathan, and the others had convinced you that you should all go to the carnival, to support him and also just have some fun. It would be nice to have a change from just drinking at the bar or sitting around eating bad pizza for a change.

“I just want to state again for the record that I hate this, and if a clown comes at me, I’m punching first and asking questions never,” you protested weakly as the group strolled up to the ticket line. “And if it goes all Something Wicked This Way Comes, I will say I told you so.”

Even you had to admit that, all lit up in rainbow lights, with pennants fluttering in the breeze, and tasty smells and cheerful music floating out, the carnival did look pretty inviting.

“Five with Nathan Young?” Alisha asked the ticket attendant pleasantly.

The heavily face-painted man in the booth smiled. “Right this way. VIP treatment for all of you. These wristbands will let you skip the lines and get you a free funnel cake!” He ushered each of you over and you reached your hand over the counter to have the blue paper bracelet taped on. 

“And which one of you is the girlfriend?” 

You raised your hand meekly. 

“Ooh, good taste Mr. Young has!” the man exclaimed. “Come with me, young lady. Nathan has a special treat for you.”

“Eugh, gross,” Curtis muttered and the ticket attendant gave him a funny look before an exaggerated look of shock crossed his face.

“Oh, no! I didn’t mean it like that! Although I’ve only known him a week and I’d say he probably had it on his mind while arranging this…”

You flushed hotly.

“Let’s just...stop talking,” you pleaded. “You guys go ahead, I’ll catch up with you for funnel cakes later.”

The ticket attendant slapped a little cardboard sign on his booth to let the crowds know he’d be back later and led you away, winding confusingly through the crowds.

“So where are we going?” you asked. 

He shook his head. “I promised not to tell.”

Eventually, you were brought to a stop near the base of the ferris wheel. “Wait here.”

You nodded and the attendant disappeared, melting into the sea of people around almost as if he’d never been there. The minutes dragged on. You tapped your foot impatiently. If you were going to be here, you wanted to at least get to explore the show, not wait around for your chronically late boyfriend.

Suddenly a hand tapped you on the shoulder and you jumped, spinning around angrily, only to find laughing green eyes staring down at you, peeking out from behind a potted flower. 

“Nathan! Don’t scare me like that!” you shouted. You probably would have slapped him on the shoulder if it didn’t threaten to make him drop the plant.

“I was gonna do a bouquet, but I thought you might like something alive more,” he explained, holding it out for him. You took it, carefully, noticing that the clay was painted the exact shade of his eyes and had both your initials painted on it. 

“That’s sweet, Nathan,” you sighed, instantly forgiving him. “Although I don’t know what I’m going to do with a marigold all night…”

“Ye can keep in my dressin room and then we’ll get it at the end o’ the night.”

“Is this just an excuse to get me back to your dressing room for a quick shag?”

“No! I would never!” he pressed a hand to his chest in mock horror. “Unless ye wanted to…Actually I was gonna take you on a romantic ferris wheel ride but it took me longer t’ get here then it was s’posed to. So I gotta get back for the show...you’re comin right?”

“I don’t know Nathan…” you bit your lip apologetically. “You know I hate watching you die…”

“Please?” he whined, giving you those irresistible puppy dog eyes. “I need my best girl…”

“I had better be your only girl,” you said warningly before sighing. “Alright, fine. Lead the way.”

~

There was something strange going on. You were sure of it. The hairs on the back of your neck prickled as the lights in the theater dropped to signal the beginning of the show. And as much as you wanted it to be, it wasn’t just because carnivals creeped you out as a rule.

You couldn’t shake the feeling, even as you tried to enjoy the performances. And then your powers twinged and you looked down to see the marigold, balanced on your lap because you hadn’t had time to stash it before finding your seat, was wilting rapidly before your very eyes. 

The MC - a short, frighteningly pale woman with very little clothing and a very glittery top hat - came out on stage to announce the next act in her high, breathy voice that sounded better suited for a sex hotline. The clapping audience sounded smaller than it had in the beginning. The man came out, juggling a collection of fruits. You glanced at the person beside you and had to clap a hand over your mouth to stifle a scream. He was mummified!

You scrambled out of your seat, dropping the marigold corpse. The shattering of the pot against the laminated wood floor drew more eyes than you would have liked, but fewer than there should have been in the crowd. In particular, there was a man, dressed all in black, with a cold, cruel stare watching you now from the shadows at the edge of the stage. A shiver ran down your spine.

“Get her.” The MC called out in a voice that radiated power.

Everyone in the room moved toward you. Several performers came out from the wings, moving toward you. A familiar curly head appeared among them, moving toward you. Ice filled your veins and your stomach dropped like lead.

You ran.

~

You were panting and out of breath, cheeks stained with tears and desperate by the time you collided with the others, all standing around a bucket of kettle corn and watching a fire dancer.

“Oh thank god,” you cried, not caring that you had crashed directly into Curtis who had caught you in confusion and was staring.

“Y/N?” Kelly asked, confusion making her accent thicker. “Wot the fock happened to you.”

“Mummified...at the sideshow....evil...Nathan...mind control...have to…” you gasped, trying to explain around terror and exertion and your own heavy dose of confusion.

“Slow down, I can’t understand ya.”

You took a few deep breaths and finally pulled away from Curtis, who shrugged when you tried to apologize. You explained what you had seen and they all stared.

“I think having the plant with me saved my life, like my power used it to take the draining effect instead of me,” you concluded, sort of proud of it and sort of hoping you were wrong and imagining the whole ordeal.

“We have to save Nathan,” Simon stated matter-of-factly. “And stop the carnival from killing more people.”

“There could be more of them though. Everyone here could have powers and be in on it,” Alisha pointed out. “We should just go to the police.”

“Like they’ll believe us? They’ll book us all on suspicion for drugs,” Curtis countered, earning a dirty look from his ex-girlfriend.

“I’m with Simon. We have to try at least,” you said eventually.

The five of you settled on a plan and headed back to the Playhouse, not noticing the extra figure following in the shadows behind. 

~

The crowd was gone when you arrived and the building was dark. 

“Shit, they must be scattered looking for ya,” Kelly whispered, all of you hiding just in case. 

“Well then maybe we should let them find me,” you gritted your teeth, suggesting a new plan which involved you being bait for a trap.

Running back to the entrance, you spoke to the friendly ticket attendant again, finding out that the two people you described were The Floozy and Lloyd Raven, the two people who basically ran the show. 

“Great. Does this PA system broadcast to the whole carnival ground?”

“Yeah, why?” he asked.

“I need to borrow it.” Before he could say anything you grabbed the microphone, pressing the little button to activate it. 

“This is a message for The Floozy and Lloyd,” you called, hearing your voice echo tinnily over the speakers everywhere, cutting off the bouncy music. “Give me back my fuckin boyfriend or else!”

Then you thanked the attendant and made for the wide main lane. Nearby you spotted your friends in the shadows of a booth and took up your position. Alisha pointed to the booth, calling your attention not to the dart game, but the array of prizes: marigolds, succulents, peace lilies, and tiny philodendrons. You smirked. It might be their carnival, but you had a perfect counter to their home field advantage.

A few moments later, the pair came strolling out of the crowd, Nathan walking placidly and stiffly between them.

“Hello there,” the man, Lloyd, purred, tipping his purple velvet hat to you as they stopped, right at the perfect spot. 

“A fucking goatee?” you asked. “Really? Why not just wear a sign that says ‘I’m a villain’?”

“I don’t think you have much room to criticize my appearance dear. At least I have fashion, and the sense not to try threatening someone while wearing denim or ripped tights.”

“Let Nathan go.” You glared at them, reaching your powers out.

“But he’s ever so pretty,” the Floozy chirruped. “And would be so much fun to play with. Hey Lloyd, what if you fed off the immortal boy instead of the crowd?”

“I could sustain myself forever, and I just might. But it does so lack panache.”

Kelly looked ready to leap out at the Floozy. Curtis and Alisha were watching you for a sign that you needed them. Simon was nowhere in sight.

“Let. Him. Go. Now.”

“Oh fine,” Lloyd sighed dramatically, turning his head to the Floozy. “You know what to do dear.”

Her smile practically dripped venom as she leaned down to whisper something in Nathan’s ear. He started walking toward you, still stiff and glassy-eyed. You swallowed nervously, taking a step back. He increased his pace, running at you, hands outstretched, and definitely not for a hug.

And then suddenly he jerked to a stop in seemingly midair. You nodded in thanks to Simon, or where you approximated he was.

The grating sound of ‘Entry of the Gladiators’ blared over the speakers. 

“Fucking cliche,” you muttered, just as the first strands of trailing vine wrapped around the Floozy’s ankle. 

From there it was quick work to launch your attack, every little plant rising up to attack the two, subduing them and leaving them suspended upside down. Somehow their hats stayed on and irrationally it made you hate them more. 

“Release him, and everyone else from your stupid mind control,” you ordered once more. 

The rest of your friends had joined you by your sides, including a now-visible Simon who was still holding back Nathan, with aid of Kelly, to keep him from trying to throttle you.

“No,” she hissed.

“You know, we’ve figured out that when people die, it stops their power,” Alisha pointed out. You all whipped your heads around to stare, not expecting that suggestion to come from her of all people. 

“I can handle that,” an unknown voice said. 

“Who the fuck said that?” Curtis snapped, looking around. 

Meanwhile you absently shook the pair around by their binding vines, determined to knock at least one hat off without actually touching it.

“Me,” the firedancer from earlier said, stepping forward. “They killed my sister at their last show, so I hunted them down here. I would have introduced myself earlier, but you didn’t really give me a chance.”

Maybe after we’re done here you can heat things up with him, you suggested internally to Kelly, noticing the way her eyes roamed over the stranger.

She rolled her eyes at you, smiling.

“I was just going to use my power to smother them, but if you want to have a go, be my guest,” you said, gesturing invitingly to them.

You watched a ball of flame flicker in his hand.

“Oh!” you cried out, surprised that he had a power too.

Simon looked nervous, probably about the number of powers gathered in one place.

“Hey, you should use that talent to cause a tragic accident over at the Playhouse,” you said, off-handedly, hoping he would pick up on the suggestion of using a fire to cover up a mass murder.

He flashed you a smirk. “I like the way you think. But first, them. If you care about those greens, you might want to withdraw.”

“Nah they’re...actually wait, I really wanna do something first.” 

“This’s for threatening Nathan,” you growled. “And don’t think I don’t know what you meant.”

You narrowed your eyes, honing all your focus in on the Floozy. You whipped her up, high into the air and dropped her quickly down, jerking short just before she smacked into the ground. The stupid hat finally tumbled off her hair as she cried out in pain from the whiplash you had most definitely caused.

You grinned victoriously, and maybe a little manically if the looks the others gave you was any judge.

“Go ahead, I’m satisfied now.”

A few moments later, as the bodies burned, Nathan finally slumped, nearly knocking Simon to the ground as he became dead weight. Then he stirred.

“Where am I? What happened?” he asked, looking wildly around.

“Still at the carnival. You were mind controlled,” Simon explained, helping him right himself. 

“It’s a long story,” Kelly added.

“Y/N! Are you alright?” he asked, hurrying over to you and cupping your cheeks between his graceful hands. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you said. “How do you always end up the damsel in distress?”

He shrugged and flashed you a flirtatious smirk. “It’s because I’m so goddamn beautiful.”

“Hate to break up the party, but you should go so I can torch this place,” the firedancer said.

You all nodded, making your way to the entrance. 

“Hey wait, where is everybody?” Nathan asked. 

“I got them evacuated before we set our trap. The second time,” Curtis said, nonchalant. 

“But not the people at the show?” you asked.

He shrugged. “I didn’t go back that far. You know how it is.”

Later, the six of you, plus one firedancer (Andrew he was apparently called) lounged against the rail, passing around a joint and watching the flames of the carnival lick at the night sky, reflecting beautifully in the lake. The fire department would be there soon, and until then, Andrew assured you, it wouldn’t spread past the farthest tents. All in all, it wasn’t a bad end to the night.

“Hey, Y/N, can I talk to ya?” Nathan asked, pulling you aside.

“Are you alright Nathan?” you asked, concerned that the mind control had some lingering effect. 

“Hm? Yeah. I just...tonight was s’posed to be special and I fucked that up,” he started, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “But I wanted you to know anyway, I think I’m in love with you.”

“What?! Nathan, tonight has been a mess. You tried to kill me!” You cried incredulously. 

“That wasn’t my fault! You said yourself I was mind controlled,” he whined guiltily, dropping his voice as the others looked over curiously. “And it’s still how I feel…”

You sighed. It was no fun giving him a hard time if it made him actually feel bad.

“I love you too, you idiot,” you said, threading your arms around his neck and idly toying with a curl.

He grinned a wide, dopey grin. “I knew it. I mean I am pretty irresistible.”

You rolled your eyes. Before you could say anything though, his lips were on yours and he had pressed you back against the brick wall. You moaned softly into the kiss as your tongues battled for dominance, and all your witty comebacks were forgotten.

“By the way,” you said when he finally pulled back, reluctantly, for air. “I told you so. Carnivals. are. always. evil.”

[straykidsupdate]

ALBUMS OF THE YEAR: STRAY KIDS FORGE THEIR OWN PATH ON MIROH

IN THE GREATER K-POP LANDSCAPE, WHEREIN MELODIC SOUND IS MAINSTREAM, ‘MIROH’ IS FEARLESSLY DEFIANT

The opening line of "Boxer" is a perfect introduction to Stray Kids: Translated, it goes, "Hello, I’m a young man who can fly anywhere." It's a confident declaration, at once cheeky and polite, and it speaks to the Korean boy group's signature tenacity. It's charismatically delivered by main dancer Lee Know, the intensity building with every word. "Everyone, attention!" he spits before the song erupts into a flurry of chaotic synths and brazen emotions. It's loud and relentless, representative of the bold sound Stray Kids have been carefully honing since their pre-debut days in 2017 — and of the group itself: eight young individuals navigating the labyrinth of adulthood. (A ninth member, Woojin, left the group in late October 2019 for personal reasons.)

That tempestuous coming-of-age journey is seeped into their ambitious March EP, Clé 1: MIROH. Inspired by the word miro, or "maze" in Korean, MIROH kicked off a confident new chapter for Stray Kids, beginning to answer the introspective questions posed by their 2018 I Am... series of EPs, which focused heavily on the theme of identity. Who am I? Who am I trying to be? And importantly, who do I want to be? With MIROH — the first in the Clé trilogy, which also includes June's Yellow Wood and December's Levanter — these important questions persist, but Stray Kids strengthen their resolve as they charge away from the systems that seek to control them and into the thorny, often scary unknown.

That maturity isn't just reflected in the lyrics and production, so thoughtfully crafted by the members themselves, but on Clé 1: MIROH as a whole. Released a year after their debut, the group's fourth EP is their strongest and most cohesive body of work. Etched into these seven songs is not just a story, or a concept, but a collective journey from self-doubt to resilience. The album's intro track, "Entrance," invites you into the chaotic world of MIROH — rich in texture, pulsating beats, and ad-libs from other songs on the album — with assurance.

At first listen, "Miroh" sounds like an odd choice for a lead single. It's a cacophony of sounds, rhythms, chants, and animal noises that doesn't seem to follow any familiar song structure. There's no real melody, just powerful rap verses over a repetitive bass line. But the hook is massive; it's meant to be screamed at the top of your lungs, like the K-pop imagining of a My Chemical Romance headbanger — that is, if Gerard Way had been less a fan of The Misfits and more into EDM. It isn't a song so much as a heightened experience.

In the greater K-pop landscape, wherein melodic sound is mainstream, "Miroh" is fearlessly defiant. It's unabashedly noisy, and its message is resilient. As Stray Kids rush into the maze before them, they do so with impenetrable confidence. "But there’s no time to rest," Hyunjin smoothly raps on the second verse. "I’m alright, I’m holding on and I keep on going / I just need to look ahead and run."

Running is kind of their thing. Stray Kids have been releasing music at a tireless pace since "Hellevator" premiered in October 2017. The angsty pre-debut song established the JYP Entertainment-repped boy group's grungy style and affinity for explosive EDM drops. They made their official debut in March 2018 with "District 9," a genre-agnostic track about disaffected youth with in-your-face energy and staggering rhythmic intensity. Since then, they've released six EPs, particularly impressive for a group who write and produce all of their music.

Members Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han — otherwise known as the production trio 3RACHA — are responsible for a heavy majority of the group's discography. They're credited lyricists and composers on every Stray Kids track to date and have been making music together since their teenage trainee days, uploading self-produced mixtapes to SoundCloud and YouTube. The other members also participate in the songwriting process; they all contribute lyrics to the mixtape songs that are part of each physical release — like MIROH's "Mixtape #4," a rearranged version of 3RACHA's "Broken Compass" about the importance of trusting yourself and following your own path, no matter how scary the road ahead looks.

Stray Kids challenge these fears throughout MIROH. "Victory Song" is an anthemic rallying cry to move forward with confidence and bulletproof ego. "Who else is like me, there’s no one," Han raps. But that bravado starts to crack on "Maze of Memories," a dizzying track that stimulates the feeling of wandering in hopeless pursuit of an end that's nowhere in sight. "Now I run for an answer that I cannot see," Han laments. There's an uneasy cadence to the track as it switches between two tempos; it's disorienting and visceral, like the experience of growing up. "Chronosaurus" is similarly introspective. The song, inspired by leader Bang Chan's own fascination with time, personifies the phenomenon as a monster they must outrun. "Day and night, every day," Seungmin sings. "I am afraid / I think I'll get caught."

Time is a continuous theme for Stray Kids. On the EP's standout track "19," written and produced by Han, they yearn to stop time. It's a confusing paradox, the desire to grow up but fearing the real meaning of being an adult. But the ways in which Stray Kids empathize with this conflict is precisely what makes them the voices of their generation. "Twenty years old that I wanted to become so badly," Han raps. "Did everybody go through this same experience or am I the only one that’s anxious?"

And while main rappers Changbin and Han get plenty of room to flex on the album — Changbin's aggressive bite is a perfect match for Han's more melodic flow — MIROH smartly showcases rappers Hyunjin and Felix as a testament to their growth. Hyunjin's versatility is his strength. On "Maze of Memories," he switches up his flow effortlessly, a potent mix that leaves you breathless. Elsewhere, Felix delivers one of the album's smoothest verses on "Victory Song" with a newfound sense of confidence. Vocalists Seungmin and I.N also shine in unexpected ways; Seungmin's English rap on "Maze of Memories" is a genuine highlight, while youngest member I.N. soars on "Chronosaurus."

Throughout the Clé series, the members of Stray Kids are running toward something that is never clearly defined. That's the point: the realization that the destination doesn't matter nearly as much as the journey. But the journey isn't an easy one. Sometimes the voices inside their heads get too loud, too consuming, and feel insurmountable. But that's what makes MIROH a seminal work from the young group — just because you can't see your way out of the maze doesn't mean you should stop trying.

Find all of MTV News's 2019 Albums of the Year right here.

Source: MTV News

[lovevalley45]

“oversimplifies it to make it fit in a heteronormative context when there’s a lot more to it when we say the legends are like a big family” can you expand on that?

okay so. the ‘found family’ trope is obviously a popular trope, especially among lgbt ppl. the idea of being a misfit and finding a community that accepts u, a group that supports u is in essence a very queer idea.

and the legends fit into that perfectly. not to mention that there’s quite a few queer ppl on the team - sara, ava, john, n gary.

explanations aren’t really my thing, so i’ll just compare it to a story that artist rina sayawama told about her song ‘chosen family’. she wrote the song about her own queer family, her “LGBT brothers and sisters.” but when she showed the song to people, they thought it was about marriage. she used the exact words ‘straight-washing’ which is what i mean when i say trying to frame the legends’ family dynamic in this way that puts ava and sara as the parents and the legends as their kids.

the legends aren’t this rigid family structure. i’ve always said the best analogy is just like. the waverider as a giant college dorm with the captains serving more as RAs than any sort of parental figures. but in this society (specifically, usamerican society) the idea of starting a family has always been parents and kids. specifically, a mom, a dad, and some kids. so we see phil trying to kinda oversimplify the dynamic of the legends as a general support system for one another into this heteronormative framework of the nuclear family, even though it doesn’t work at all.

it’s basically him saying “if the legends are a family, they have to fit these specific roles”, even though there’s no need for them to fit these specific roles. they don’t really have specific roles. in fact, ava and sara’s leadership really mostly comes into play on missions and stuff. during their day to day life, they are literally just roommates living on this timeship. it doesn’t work to just say they have to act like this bc they’re a family and obviously families run like this or they’re not a family.

basically, i guess what i’m saying is that the legends are more than a family, they’re a support system for each other when it feels like the rest of the world only sees them as misfits, when they have nowhere else to go. it’s not ava n sara adopting the legends as children of their own or being responsible for them. sara has definitely cultivated this safe space for them, but that doesn’t mean she’s their mother. and saying so kinda just downplays the relationships between all the legends and sara or ava

[emybain]

Heroes In the End

me, posting unedited fanfics after reading supernova and Not Being Okay:  renegades fandom come get yall fics!

SPOILERS FOR SUPERNOVA 

SPOILERS FOR SUPERNOVA

SPOILERS FOR SUPERNOVA

   Hot water ran down from the faucet above Nova’s head, sending tingles down her scalp as she stood inside the shower. Adrian’s shower. Another tingle ran down her spine. She raised her head up, letting the near-scalding water hit her face. It was a feeling she couldn’t quite describe, but it made her never want to get out. 

    In all her almost-seventeen years of living, Nova couldn’t remember a time when she had a shower, much less a hot one. There were the ones she had during her time in Cragmoor, but she preferred not to think of that place. In the apartment from her early years, she had vague memories of her mother bathing her in a tiny bathroom in lukewarm water. Sometimes, when there were clean water shortages, as there were often, Nova would sit in a dry bathtub as her mother used a sponge and a bucket full of soapy water to wash her. In the subway tunnels and even in the row house on Wallowridge, Nova had taken to a similar method, washing herself using a bucket of cold water and a sponge and cheap soap. 

    Now, she stared at the rack in the shower that held two different brands of tubes that were a shampoo and conditioner combination, a bar of soap that looked unused, and a tube of body wash. Upon inspecting the tubes, she noticed how they all smelled of Adrian, sending her heart skipping. 

    After what seemed like an eternity, Nova turned off the water and stepped out into Adrian’s bathroom, her bare toes stretching on the squishy mat beneath her feet. She reached for a clean towel that sat folded on a shelf above the toilet, wrapping it around her body and almost melting at its softness. Sweet rot, Adrian was spoiled. 

    Drying her hair with the edge of the towel, Nova’s eyes wandered around the fairly sized space, landing on a pile of clothes resting on the counter next to the door that were not there before. Her breath came short as panic rose in her throat. She must’ve forgotten to lock the door. What if Adrian had seen her? She was instantly mortified, but forced herself to calm down. Adrian wasn’t like that, and besides, how much did Nova really care? She was exhausted and sore and drained; the boy she may be in love with seeing her butt naked should’ve been the least of her worries. The clothes were placed carefully right beside the door, so she bet he had just reached a hand in and set them down for her. Embarrassment was quickly replaced with endearment. Nova had just planned on throwing her old clothing, her Nightmare uniform, back on and dealing with it, but this wonderful, amazing boy brought her clean clothing. 

    It was nothing special, just a pair of gray sweatpants that were way too long for Nova, even though she could tell they were old from the small holes here and there and the fact that they were too short for Adrian’s long legs, and a plain navy blue hoodie that had a faded logo. Getting dressed, she rolled the pant legs up until they rested comfortably at her ankle and pushed up the sleeves of the hoodie, ignoring the way that it was loose around her neck. It was quite possibly the most comfortable Nova had ever felt. The hoodie was softer than it looked, the fabric brushing Nova’s back and providing a cozy warmth. 

    It had been....a long night. After the events at the cathedral, Captain Chromium forced Adrian, his team, Max, and Nova straight to the nearest healers who were already attending to wounded Renegades. It seemed that there had been a hiccup in their work due to Max and the supernova that had occurred, but when Adrian and the others showed up, they were hard at work. Hugh and Simon refused to stay with them, along with the other surviving Council members, insisting that they had their own duties to attend to, people to speak with, and media to answer questions for. The destruction caused by her uncle had been reversed by Max, yes, but Gatlon was still shaken and hurting from his attack, and Nova had a feeling it would take a while for the city to fully recover from the trauma of one night. 

    The healers got to work on their misfit group, fixing cuts and bruises and tending to the more serious injuries, such as Adrian’s mutilations, Max’s sprained ankle, and the stings that peppered Nova’s arms. She had asked about a concussion, head throbbing, and was surprised when their testing results came back negative. It must’ve been the vitality charm’s work. There was no other explanation for how she was fine, well, about as fine as she could be, after being thrown twenty feet by Ace. 

    It had seemed like forever before they were allowed to leave, Max receiving a piggy back ride from Adrian, his ankle thickly wrapped in bandages and barefoot. Nova remembered noticing the lines of exhaustion on Adrian’s face, remembered how his muscles moved slowly from soreness, but he seemed elated to be able to carry his brother. 

    They were sent away by the Council, told that everything was under control and they needed to go home and rest. After a bit of complaining and arguing, they finally caved to the Council’s request. Danna, Oscar, and Ruby parted ways, only Oscar and Ruby bidding Nova goodbye. Nova had eyed them suspiciously as the three had walked away, noting that Oscar and Ruby were holding hands. 

    It was when she was left alone with Adrian and Max, who had already passed out and had his head lolled on Adrian’s shoulder, that Nova had realized she had nowhere to go. The house on Wallowridge was gone, the subway tunnels were out of the question. There was the pawn shop, but the thought produced a sour taste in Nova’s mouth. Adrian must’ve understood, for he nodded his head, saying there was plenty of room at his house. Nova, grateful and undeserving and too tired to even argue, had followed him. 

    It was now in the early, early morning, but Nova could tell from the noises outside that Gatlon was not asleep. Every half hour or so, sirens went off. Car doors could be heard slamming from the neighbors. 

    She felt ten pounds lighter as she stepped out of the bathroom and into Adrian’s dark room, welcoming the soft carpet on her feet. She was clean, truly clean, having let more than just dirt and dried blood go down the drain during her long and needed shower.

    A sweep of the room showed her that Adrian was not there, probably upstairs with Max who had insisted on sleeping on the second floor, curiosity overcoming his tired body at what was up there despite Adrian warning him that it was haunted. As if summoned by her thoughts, Adrian padded down the stairs, a glass in water in his hand. He stopped when he saw Nova, lips quirked up as he eyed her attire up and down. Compared to just hours before, Nova was probably the least intimidating thing he had seen. 

    He had showered too, evident by his clean face and fresh clothing. Nova cleared her throat, breaking eye contact to gesture to her clothes. 

    “Thank you for these.”

    “Of course.” Adrian shrugged. “I figured you didn’t have something else to sleep in.” He paused, and even in the dark, Nova could tell his cheeks reddened. “If you, uh, want to sleep, that is.” 

    They both fell silent. It was the first time that night that they had been alone together, truly alone. No one was about to come running in, threatening to kill one of them, no one was within earshot of their conversation or could see what they were going to do. 

    “How’s Max doing?” Nova asked, remembering how the kid had tiredly protested when Adrian had tried to give him Adrian’s bed, refusing to close his eyes until Adrian took him back upstairs. 

    Adrian chuckled. “Asleep, finally. He was determined to talk, so I figured I’d let him until he had nothing left to say. Hopefully, he won’t wake up for a while.” Nova hummed in agreement; she doubted he would, not after the events that had taken place. Adrian cleared his throat, shifting his weight onto one leg. “So...do you plan on sleeping?” 

    Nova thought about it, thought about her aching muscles and the weight on her eyelids and how curling up under a warm blanket for hours was so, so welcoming. “Yes, but only with you.” When his eyes widened in surprise, Nova quickly added, “if that’s okay.” 

    Before she knew it, he was right in front of her, burying a hand in her wet hair and leaning down to kiss her. It was short, lasting only a few seconds, but the sensation still sent chills crawling down Nova’s neck. When they separated, Nova surprised herself by wrapping her arms around his neck, reaching up on her tiptoes and pulling him down to her height. Her head buried itself in the crook of his neck. She breathed a sigh of relief when his arms went around her, the one staying buried in her hair and the other wrapped tightly around her waist. 

    He was here, in her arms and safe and still wanting her, despite everything she had done. Still trusting her, despite her mountain of lies. She supposed when he was right when he had said back in the cathedral that they had nothing else to lie about. Nova wasn’t even mad about the Sentinel, not anymore, at least. This was Adrian, the boy who had fixed her bracelet at the parade, something that seemed so long ago. The boy who never gave up on Nova, even when she had held a gun to his forehead. 

    They were each other’s nightmare, each other’s archenemy. At least, they were supposed to be. It was what they were wired and designed to be by their opposite upbringings, despite them having similar desires for the future of their world. 

    “What would you think if...if a villain happened to fall in love with your son?”

    “To be honest, I’m not sure there are such things as villains anymore. Maybe there never really were.” 

    For once, Nova agreed with Adrian’s father.

[monsterfucker-lisa-swallows]

12.28.20

So. 10 years.

Yeah, today is the 10 year anniversary of me making this blog. I’d previously been an Amy Pond roleplay blog, but I tired of that after a few weeks and deleted that and made this instead. It marked the beginning of the end for my DeviantART, which I deleted a few months later.

I can’t believe I’ve been on this site for 10 years, but also can’t imagine being anywhere else. This place is part of my routine now, and I can’t imagine life without this outlet. This bastion of Old Internet Anonymity. Sure, my drafts have been broken for 2 years, but that’s Tumblr.

Thank you to everyone who’s been with me over the years, even if we’ve fallen out of touch. Special thanks to @robincrowe, @empathetic-vibrations, and my gf @super-skitty who migrated with me from DeviantART back when I was still 10nant-Fangirl. Thanks to people like @doll-frakking-house who’ve been here almost as long. Thank you all.

If you want more content from me, I post music news/trivia as well as a song each day over on my music blog, the-music-dealer.

I also post frequently on Archive of Our Own under the name the-red-rabbit. I post...

Good Omens:

“This Was Originally Called ‘Temptation Waits’, But the Title Was Left in the Car”

Ineffable Wives AU focusing on the 6000 years.

“Child in a Seacave”

Some time after the narrowly averted apocalypse, Crowley receives a message from God. But will he agree to answer her? Written because I have trauma with my own parents, but I was keeping my trans readers in mind when I wrote this one.

“Crimson and Clover”

Aziraphale tries chat-up lines.

Good Omens Series:

As Heaven is Wide Series:

Part 1: As Heaven is Wide

Aziraphale and Crowley decide to take a post-apocalypse road trip to see the world, but it gets cut short when they come upon a teenage girl who (despite her protests) needs to be rescued. Things get more complicated when they find themselves once again in direct opposition of heaven, and they have to wonder if it's worth upending their shaky peace with heaven to keep her safe.

There are trigger warnings on this multi-chapter series, but I don't go into real graphic detail because I don't think the story needs that. As someone with trauma, I don't think it's productive to be incredibly graphic. I deal more in implications and off-screen for that type of material. (If you've read some of my other stuff, this one is positively tame compared to that.)

Part 2: Perfect

While Aziraphale finds himself quite comfortable with the trials of parenthood, Crowley finds that raising a teenager is more challenging than he'd expected.

Part 3: Going to Hell (In Progress and Updating today)

Sending their daughter to her first day at school was always going to be a challenge for Aziraphale and Crowley. After all, she still hasn't got a grip on her magic and the thought of being apart from her causes them some portion of anxiety. They just want her to enjoy her new life and fit in, but that's a little hard to do when a lost ghost appears to ask her for help.

Yeah, this one's definitely inspired by Buffy the Vampire Slayer, except instead of metaphors for growing up as a general thing, it's specifically metaphors for obstacles for healing from trauma.

Community:

“And a (Short) Movie”

The study group tries to define the word 'himbo'.

“Community: The Movie (One By One They All Just Fade Away)”

It's been 5 years since Abed Nadir left for Hollywood to pursue a career in film. When he receives a call in the dead of night from Greendale, Colorado, it becomes his responsibility to deliver the news to the rest of his old study group. He embarks on an epic journey to track down Troy Barnes on his boat.

Dean-dong, the Dean is dead.

But is he?

Jeff Winger isn't so sure. He enlists the help of his old "study buddy" Annie Edison to use her FBI skills to find out what really happened to Craig Pelton.

When the study group returns to Greendale, they find that the school has been bought out by Hot Topic. Britta, who liked Hot Topic back "before it sold out", immediately channels her grief into protesting it. But when she meets a fellow anarchist who has vowed to take down the chain from the inside, she's forced to contend with the fact that shouting opinions isn't the same as creating meaningful change.

I have one Hannibal/Willy Wonka fic that I wrote for fun: “Lollirot”

Willy Wonka is a humble man with a dream of making candy for all the children of the world. When he starts running out of ideas for new confections, he seeks help for his depression. His doctor, Hannibal Lecter, is a strangely charming man with unorthodox ideas for how a factory should be run. Before long, Will starts to experience paranoid delusions about his competitors and loses his grip on reality as he sinks deeper into self-imposed isolation with nobody but his doctor to guide him.

A prequel to the show Hannibal.

One Grinch fic: “How the Grinch Got Therapy”

Epilogue to How the Grinch Stole Christmas empathizing with the Grinch. Because as a person with religious trauma, especially centered around Christmas, I think it's about time that we stop shaming people for not having fun during Christmas. Some people won't celebrate and it's weird how we're all expected to assimilate.

And my magnum opus, the fic I’ve been working on off and on for 10 years even since my DeviantART days...

Doctor Who Fic Series:

Am I...Ginger?:

Season 1: Am I...Ginger?

The Doctor swore off companions after Journey's End, believing himself too dangerous to be around them. But while looking for members of the Trickster's Brigade, he stumbled upon a child of Torchwood that made him question all that.

Of course, there's another problem. He was warned that the Trickster had a weapon, one that could defeat him once and for all. He follows the clues to London, where he finds a nameless woman whose love of history does not include sharing her own. Could she be the weapon he was warned about? Is he just interested in her as a distraction from his own mortality? Can she be saved this time? Can any of them? Or are they doomed to life the way it was written?

(Set between the Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith and the Waters of Mars.)

(There are trigger warnings, but as always it only applies to one specific chapter and potential mentions. But this will deal with issues that people might find distasteful.)

Season 2: Am I...Ginger? The Mourning After (In Progress and Updating Today)

Picking up right from where season 1 left off.

"The Doctor's dead."

That's where this story left off. Despite many attempts to contact him, he's been nowhere to be found. But DOES that mean he's dead? The ragtag group of misfits he left behind keep having conflicting thoughts on the subject. Is he dead? Held hostage somewhere in need of rescue? Just avoiding them?

Just when they give up hope, the Doctor decides to crash his own funeral. Two funeral crashings in a row, that has to be a record for him. But can he still fit in the world he left behind, or has he changed too much? Is it even a good idea to try?

Set when Amy and Rory are on their honeymoon (between "A Christmas Carol" and "The Impossible Astronaut"). This is also just after "The Death of the Doctor" episode of the Sarah Jane Adventures. As usual, I'm playing fill-in-the-blanks with unexplored parts of canon.

...

10 years flew by. You guys have been there with me through some of the toughest parts of my life. I made this blog when I was still a 15 year old in an abusive home and it’s been with me ever since. So let’s hope the next 10 years will be better lmao.

[allmywardensaresafeandsound]

@whereismywarden cause it was getting extra long for a simple reply :'D

My non-Mahariel Wardens technically only become wardens at the very end of the game, when Riordan reveals to Mahariel and Alistair what needs to be done to kill the Archdemon. Well, even after that, technically, when Morrigan comes to Mahariel with her offer. She romanced my Tabris, and Mahariel doesn't want to go behind his back, and that makes stakes rise suddenly. The situation quickly travels thru the whole group, and Tabris wants to go through the joining, because well, it's his relationship in game here, and, anyway, he's in Denerim and barely managed to go unscathed by the guards so far because Denerim is a bit in chaos atm, and Mahariel has been sort of shitting her way around pretending Tabris had already gone thru the joining (she would have before, but I suppose Riordan is the first Warden they meet who knows how to prepare the Joining ritual cup). So, yeah, if there's a chance it's not Alistair who has to get Morrigan pregnant Tabris is happy and stubborn enough to take it and face the damn Archdemon eye to eye for it. (Morrigan thinks he is ridiculous and they have a fight, half not wanting to lose each other and knowing they will have to give up things, one way or the other.)

Aeducan, after loosing everything, had longed wanted to feel like she belonged somewhere again, and contributing to her darkspawn-bane duty was her way to fullfil her purpose, so she asked to join too. And if she died, well, she had already been through death once when she had been exiled, it couldn't be worse.

Brosca had nowhere to go back to either, well, maybe she sort of did, but she liked this new chance, this new life, new freedom, this new place. Being able to go back and forth through surface and Orzammar? Proving that being casteless didn't stop her from having a damn cool future? Being Warden sounded like an adventure, and she trusted she had survived worse than a fat, crusty blighed bat-spawn.

Surana wants freedom from the Circle and the threat of Tranquillity, but of the group she is the one being the more appalled by what Mahariel confesses of her Joining and the Wardens' rules. The Blight, running in their veins, the ruthless way to keep the secret. The overall mystery makes her almost sick with it, the religiosity mixing with the idea of sacrifice; the magic, the blood, the Maker, the sheer wrongness. She joins, but it's almost a challenge. She's the one that will later go look for the cure. She cannot accept that someone decided this is how things were going to be and no one challeged it. She already had to go through it in the Circle, she wasn't going to allow her new family to suffer through this again. She wasn't running anymore.

Cousland.. unexpectedly was the one that got close to just.. run. He was the sun-kissed, noble and soft-hearted boy, raised on tales of knights and honor and love, idealist to almost a fault, adoring of the Wardens, who had seen his family die in front of his eyes, suffered from survival's guilt; who had learned how to be a bard, who had music on his fingertips and a smile able to enamour full crowds. Who had fallen for the sharp and beautiful Crow, who was brave and had succeeded almost single-handedly to keep the most ridiculous band of misfits together, simply because he was nice, and positive and believed in people. But suddenly he was so scared, at the idea of losing it all again. Of dying when he was almost truly happy again. It's a fight of will, and in the end the idea of seeing his friends possibly dying in front of him while he cowered takes hold of him and he has to accept the Joining before he goes insane with it.

My Aeducan and Brosca are possibly different in every way they could be, in both character and upbringing, but weirdly enough it's what makes it work.

For what is of the Orzammar situation in particular, well. Aeducan has only one word, her family will be avenged. She can't possibly look Bhelen in the face, she can't forgive him, even if she wanted. It's non-debatable. Aeducan and Brosca are similar in the way they are not really political per se; Aeducan believes in honor and transparency (she's a sort of House Stark archetype, a lot of bad decisions for the purpose of mostly good intentions), Brosca believes in people and freedom, so they generally succeeds in seeing each other for what they are, even tho Aeducan is the one with more preconceptions to dismantle. Luckily Brosca is good at dismantling stuff while keeping her good humour.

It's still not easy, but Brosca understands how Aeducan cannot trust Bhelen on the throne, but hard deals are made with Harrowmont. Simply put, little Endrin is the last Aeducan-blooded heir to the throne, and is to be raised like such, Rica and Harrowmont at his side. The Castless are just as able to fight darkspawn as anyone else, and Aeducan doesn't mince words in saying they need all the people they can spare if the dwarves are to survive this and the next Blights.

It's not ideal, Aeducan sees what is left of her family and sees the shambles for what they are, but, honestly, she can't deal with any of it anymore, even if she wanted. Harrowmont is the only person she trusts to leave it to, and she shares that belief with Brosca. Brosca.. well, she is happy her family is safe, she's allowed that pinch of selfishness. She's worried about other things, but, unlike Aeducan, she is still ready to fight, and she's seen how it can get better, wherever the dwarven ways help you or not (they didn't, in her case, but eh, doesn't mean they are necessarily wrong), she knows there's ways now.

Post-DAO Aeducan stays as Warden-Commander at Amaranthine, and Brosca handles sort of unofficial ambassadorial duties between the Legion of the Dead and the Wardens of Ferelden. She travels often underground, accompanying Wardens, scouting the lost Thaigs and trying to find useful stuff, of lost Wardens or dwarven story, and works with Orzammar to evaluate possible expansions or security measures. If she can represent the Casteless doing so, damn good, she's not easy to forget. She is also the one of my Wardens that believes the most into recruiting, and doesn't really hesitate to remind those she believes capable of Joining of a second chance, that there's a life for them on the Surface, somewhere else, if they wish so.

(Either they are both made Paragon or neither, Aeducan was clear on this. It's not about politics to castes, it's about two dwarven women that couldn't have done it without the other, and not turning a blind eye to it. So, yeah, I haven't decided yet what the Assembly will do, since there are more Wardens, and so the merits probably are more dilluted too. But still, I do believe they made dwarven history, in their own way, and it will be remembered one way or another.)

[apollosvotive]

a fanfic about the cinnamon salt cinnamon characters written for the writeblr fic exchange for @apricotwrites. i chose to write about jay because i felt like i could grasp his character the best, but i dont know a lot about the characters so hopefully there arent too many inaccuracies aaaa. hope this is okay!

-------------------

Borneo is white sand shifting underfoot. Fat winged insects sluggishly dragging their heavy bodies from one flower to the next, the audible thrum of their wings. It’s the muggy air, the heat of the glowering sun as it pitches itself at the highest point of its trajectory. It’s the constant need to slap himself on the limbs multiple times to ward away a stray horde of hungry bloodsuckers. But still. Anywhere is better than home.

Jay lounges in the shade of a coconut tree, a hand beneath his head, listening to the sound of waves lapping against the shore. Even with his eyes closed, he can tell the rest are off a little ways down the beach from the loud splashing and occasional squeals of laughter. Sohla’s voice is clear and distinct. She’s shouting at Ruben something along the lines of ‘You have approximately half a brain cell in your head, Ruben, and that’s me being generous.’ Then comes Ruben’s indignant remonstrations and Birdie’s light, high laughter and Jay starts thinking all over again about how chance, how fortuitous, that the universe might allow the paths of these seven people to cross and become what they are now: together. A ragtag team of misfits, a family.

When he first set foot onto this island, it would have been impossible for him to even think about the fact that he might find a group of people who understand him on such a level. Of course, when he first set foot onto this island, he was still angry and alone and blameful, thinking thoughts about his leg or, more accurately, the lack of it. But then he met these guys, and he saw shy and quiet Will, prone to smiling to himself and listening, really listening when someone talks as if to make up for the fact that he cannot see them. Ruben, who, for all the clumsiness of his left foot, manages to banish any impressions of awkwardness with a simple, urbane smile. Or unpredictable Alison, lover of Shakespeare, Shelley, Dickens, names of the dead. She’s always got that strange smile playing on her lips as if she knows something he doesn’t. She keeps her thoughts close to herself, never one to wear her heart on her sleeve, but he has come to know to find glimpses of her in little things, like in the way her eyes are always roving, looking for her brother, never allowing herself to let him out of her sight.

Come to think of it, there’s one voice that he doesn’t hear, floating up to him from where the rest of them are.

“Why so antisocial?”

Warmth lands on his face, flooding the darkness of the back of his eyelids with orange. He cracks an eye open. Alison is in front of him. She has shifted a palm frond away so that it no longer blocks the sun from his face.

“Not my thing,” Jay says simply.

“No?” She folds her arms in front of her. “You’re the only one not down there. How about for once in your life, don’t be a sad ass party pooper?”

“You’re here with me,” he counters.

“Only so that you’re not up here withering by yourself,” she shoots right back, without missing a beat. She isn’t looking at him. Her eyes are directed at a spot on the sand. “Oh, look at me. I’m Jay, I’m so cool, too cool to go down to the water and have fun with the others. Sorry to ruin your daydream, Jay, but from down there, you don’t look like you’re in a 1080p montage shot in a Fincher-esque style with emo music playing in the background. From down there, you look like a sad… ant.”

“Ha-ha,” Jay deadpans. “And that’s all an English lit student can come up with? Now put back my leaf. And go find your brother.”

Alison gasps in mock-affront. “Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?”

“I do,” Jay says very seriously. “I do bite my thumb at you.”

“Unbelievable! Incomprehensible!” she cries. “Hell is empty and all the devils are here!”

Finally, she succeeds in wresting a laugh out of him. She’s obsessed with Shakespeare. She’s memorised hundreds of quotes across all his plays and she enjoys quoting it back at him to annoy the shit out of him, which is, evidently, an effective method in getting him to do things. He shakes his head, unable to stop the upward twitch of his lips, and he pointedly ignores the smug and satisfied look in her eyes.

“Come on, Jay.” She jerks her head in the direction of where the others are. “I won. Let’s go.”

He covers his eyes with his arms stubbornly.

She sighs. “What’s going on? Are you homesick?”

“Homesick?” He scoffs from beneath his arms, as if it's an absurd concept. “No.”

“Woah, okay. Must you say it like the Bubonic plague originated in the tiny town of Laurels, Maine?”

“Laurels, Maine,” he repeats slowly. Just saying the name brings back to mind the feeling of inexorable boredom. Days of endless repetition. Just work and sleep and work. Days of friendlessness and hushed whispering and guilt-filled glances at his leg. The problem with a small town is that everyone knows everyone. This means that everyone in the little town knows that it was an accident that took Jay’s leg away from him when he was twelve and everyone knows he’s never been quite the same since. “More like ‘Bumfuck, Middle of Bumfuck Nowhere’. Wouldn’t go back if you paid me to. I am perfectly happy where I am now, thank you very much. It’s up to the rest of them to not go all Lord of the Flies and start killing each other.”

“Oh, considering that out of the seven of us, the only person to not scream at the sight of spiders is Will and it’s because he’s blind, I wouldn’t put my money on it.”

“I don’t scream.”

“I saw your face when there was that spider in the toilet the other day. Face of a pants-pisser.”

“You’re dysfunctional.”

“Aw,” she says. “Thank you.”

“C’mon, Jay.” She tries again. One more attempt that sounds as though its approaching finality. Sometimes Jay wonders how many times he can push others away before they stop coming to him altogether. He’s spent so long in Laurels angry and alone, convinced that no one else in the world could understand him, that finding this group of people, on the island of Borneo, of all places, feels like a rare stroke of luck he isn’t meant to have, the only thing the universe has done right by him. And the thought of losing them, that he might push them away enough times for them to not bother anymore – it makes him scared.

There. He said it. It does. It makes him scared.

“They’re waiting for you. ”

After a moment’s hesitation, Jay moves his arms away. He squints against the light flooding back into his vision, then his vision settles and his eyes come to rest on the black silhouette blocking out the rest of the light that is Alison.

She extends a hand to him. He takes it and allows himself to be pulled up.

“This better be good,” he tells her. She makes to place a hand on his back to support him but he shakes his head and moves away. All these years with a prosthesis and he’s gotten used to it even over tricky terrain. In fact, it feels no different from his old leg until he looks down.

“Come on, cranky old man,” she says. “Let’s go.”

They walk down the beach to where the rest of them are. Perched contentedly under a large beach umbrella, Will and Nolan sit, listening to music. They share Nolan’s headphones. Each one holds the muff to their ears as they quietly listen to whatever’s filtering in. Depending on who has control of the aux, the song is most probably either a romantic ballad or an orchestral score. Nolan turns one of his stimming toys over and over in his other hand. Lying next to him is a half completed drawing of the beach. Down by the surf, Ruben has sand packed on top of his entire body so only his head is visible. Birdie and Sohla stand on either side of him, and the three of them appear to be bickering lightly.

“Make me a mermaid!” Ruben is saying. “Give me a sweet pair of conch-covered tits and a cool tail.”

“No,” Sohla says. “Make him a mole rat. Give him grabby claws and a skinny tail.”

Ruben’s head swivels around frantically to look at Birdie. “Don’t listen to her, Birdie. Do not make me a molerat.”

Birdie quirks an eyebrow at him. A lopsided smile spreads across her lips. “You know I can’t do that.”

“No!” Ruben’s protests are nearly drowned out by the sound of Birdie and Sohla’s laughter as they begin patting the sand surrounding Ruben into a rodent-like form. “I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand! Poseidon quivers before me!”

“Clam it, Stuart Little,” Sohla says lightly, inciting a string of rapid-fire protestations from Ruben, and Alison turns to look at Jay and Jay – well, Jay can do nothing more but smile.

[hcazj]

made a cover for my whack af mchanzo nanowrimo 2019 novel. u can find it on ao3 via “finding you in the buckass of nowhere” lmao. prologue under the cut but after this i will be exclusively posting on ao3

PROLOGUE

The sun rises high into the sky, casting shadows on everything residing on the surface. Jesse gives a loud yawn before scratching his scrappy goatee and turning the page on a health textbook he was given by Angela by instruction of his residing commander. He didn’t know how the conversation had started, but during a debriefing on the latest mission in one of the meeting rooms, one of the punks on the Blackwatch team had decided to give Gabriel Reyes a run for his money and ask if he had a soulmate waiting back home. Gabe, of course, had laughed in that guy’s face. He laughed like it was the funniest thing in the entire world.

And just as he was laughing, something miraculous happened. The team was visited by none other than Overwatch’s Strike Commander, who not only served as a face for publicity stunts, but also was the head of operations. And the strike teams, hence the title.

“He better not.” Soldier: 76, better known as Jack Morrison, said as he practically kicked the meeting room door open with his boot. He looked pissed. And also had a stack of papers on him. It looked like someone forgot to get their morning coffee. “He’d have some serious explaining to do.”

There were a couple whispers across the table, a couple agents trying to understand the implications of what had just transpired. Jesse swore he saw some of his teammates starting to sweat. The band of Blackwatch agents saw Gabriel Reyes flash his most charming smile. The rascal could look good when he wanted to.

“Jackie, you’re backie. Not in blackie, though. I’m happy you’re openly talking about this, but didn’t we agree not to tell anyone? Also, hey, dinner at 8 in my room.” And then Gabe winked at Jack. Ew.

Jack sighed, crossing his arms, and not so subtly cueing to the assortment of medals pinned to the lapel of his cornflower blue coat. Subtle. He addressed Gabe. “Remember last night? Well, I’ve decided to become the possessive bastard you always wanted.” He gave an intimidating glance at everyone in the room. “How are you kids doing? I’m sure you’ve met me around. Though you probably didn’t think I’d be so involved with Gabe. Like, probably never expected in a million years that I was his soulmate. But yeah. That’s classified information, not a peep out of this room unless you want your life to being an even more visceral piece of hell.”

Someone gulped in anxiety. Someone sneered in ennui. But if Blackwatch owned anything, it was a pile of troublemakers.

Now, Jesse hadn’t been part of Blackwatch too long, but it never took him that long to make friends. Genji--Jesse’s best friend and second best troublemaker in Blackwatch history--decided it was his turn to say something. (Jesse liked to think of himself as the best troublemaker, but that was an entirely different discussion).

“And how are you going to do that exactly? Your boyfriend already has us running laps across the Mediterranean.” Genji sat proudly with his feet resting on the table, and Jack gave him a look of disgust.

Jack excused the moment of insubordination, and walked right past the table and into the arms of his lover. They shared a quick kiss after a moment of lingering in each others arms, much to the dismay of everyone else in the meeting room. And if Jack was good at anything, it was playing games with new recruits.

“What’s up, marido ? What makes my darling husband so sad?” Gabe said, combing his hair through the tufts of Jack’s pale blond hair. It was thin, very much unlike his own, but he liked to try.

Jack laughed, trying to materialize every ounce of theatrics he had stored in his body for this very moment. “My sweet love, I just don’t know how I’m going to live if you don’t assign your soldiers 50 more pushups each every morning before breakfast. They’re not super soldiers like us, but we must make sure they are raised right. They’re like our kids, to me.” Jack lifted a leg off the floor, like he was swooning for real.

Groaning broke out around the table, and Jesse wasn’t sure if his teammates were groaning at the obviously satirical display of affection, or at the thought of actually being assigned even more pushups every morning.

It was Gabe’s turn to laugh. “Aw, Jack. We’re going to have a conversation later on why you’re so touchy today. Let me kiss you goodbye, though.” He planted another kiss on his husband’s nose before resuming business as per usual. Jack begrudgingly peeled himself off of his husband, but not without greeting their personal pet project. He smacked the stack of autopsies in front of Jesse and gave him a wink, before ruffling through the kid’s hair.

Gabe cleared his throat, as the door shut. Radio silence. He looked at Genji, who was making paper triangle footballs to send flying across the room. Genji looked up at him and discarded the paper football into the recycling bin. Gabe swore, some of the people on this team had the attention span of gnats.

“Ok, amigxs. Before we get into the details of the upcoming mission abroad, Jack was serious about our relationship being confidential. Think of the absolute horror you would cause if the UN caught winding that I’m fucking their Strick Commander. Like, maybe it’s funny. Actually, that’s pretty fucking funny. Can I get a laugh track going here?”

Jesse was the first to start hooting and hollering. A round of applause followed. If Gabe getting laid meant a happy Gabe, who cared, really? Sure, it could cause an international scandal, but Jesse liked to take it a day at a time.

“Thanks, caballero. Ok. It might be the funniest thing ever, but let’s be serious. I don’t want to fire any of you, but if wind caught that I’m soulmates with Jack, that would probably raise some suspicions of nepotism. Now we all know that I’m a very accomplished man, with a great piece of ass too, but it could potentially mean getting the pink slip from the higher higher ups. And all of you would probably also be out of the job, since Blackwatch technically does not exist. Really. So please don’t, if you value your paycheck.

“Alright, anyways. Any questions before we begin reviewing these autopsy reports like a pack of lawyers from a video game?” Gabe asked.

Jesse McCree had a question.

He partially raised his hand like a kid in a classroom, but then put it back down as he was contemplating if he should ask it at all, but then fully raised his hand as he thought ‘fuck it’.

“Hey, son. What’s bothering you? No, I don’t have any Nature Grain bars to feed you right now, please wait until after the meeting,” Gabe said. That aroused another short round of laughter from the people at the meeting.

Jesse chuckled too, because he had actually asked for a Nature Grain before in the middle of a mission. But he had a question to ask, and that was very important. “Hey, so, uhhhhh. I don’t know if this is relevant, or important enough, but what in tarnation’s a soulmate again?”

And Jesse kind of knew too, but only vaguely, like the word ‘esoteric’.

Of course, ‘esoteric’ is a word that is used to describe when something is only understood by a small set of people. Like you could call string theory ‘esoteric’, because who the fuck knows what string theory is? But it comes around often enough that people have heard of string theory, if only by name. You could even consider the word ‘esoteric’ esoteric. That was kind of funny. But Jesse was raised in the pit of the South with a single mother, before he found himself living a life of crime. He reconsidered how esoteric the word ‘soulmates’ was.

Like ‘esoteric’, ‘soulmates’ was not a word that came up when Jesse was robbing trains for a living, nor running from the police after a shooting with an opposing gang, nor in the middle of jewelry heists in the heart of Santa Fe. ‘Soulmates’ wasn’t necessary by any means of the word, that word, necessary. But maybe while he had only heard it a handful of times, with no definition to attach to the word, maybe everyone else had.

He felt like he was the odd duck out, and that was hard to do in a group of mother fucking misfits. Like, come on, Genji was basically a fucking cyborg. Gabe had gone through that freak of a soldier enhancement program that probably fucked with his biology in ways Jesse would never understand. Moira, their resident evil scientist, shot floating orbs out of her hands in the middle of combat. What the fuck was that about? Did she hone the essence of Orbeez for the inspiration behind her primary weapon? Jesse had some real mother fucking questions.

And a lot of the times, he asked them too.

But out of all of the unprofessional and obscure questions he had asked in his life, and even just in his short stay at Blackwatch where he could ask some pretty weird things, he had never asked a question that just about floored so many different people all at once. It’s like, he asked the question about soulmates, and the question took the cake. It took the cake and ran away with the spoon and like, eloped with the dish. And fucked the moon. Jesse didn’t think there was a reason for everyone to look so scandalized, though.

Because questions didn’t take cakes, or run with spoons, or elope, or fuck.

Gabe had a face that betrayed emotions Jesse knew Gabe didn’t show often: remorse. Of course, ‘remorse’ kind of sounded like ‘Morrison’ and that was funny for 2 seconds. But it was downright scary. Jesse was the type of person that was always starting something.

2 days ago, he had snuck into the mess hall at 3:30AM to steal a bag of doritos. Last week, he got captured on a mission and had to be rescued from an abandoned warehouse. Yesterday, he accidentally passed a stink bomb so bad, Gabe started coughing and moved their weekly recap meeting outside. And it was raining, too.

“Kid, did you ever take a health class before dropping out of school?” Gabe asked.

Jesse didn’t know how to answer that. “Well, I know how my body works, thank you. Uh, but t’answer your question…. No. What’s that got t’do with soulmates?”

Gabe scrunched his lips, wondering how he could quickly remedy the situation. This is why they paid him the big bucks. Not the biggest bucks, but more than large enough bucks. “Ok, everyone settle down for a hot second. Jesse, I’m going to comm Angela for a textbook you can read. And you probably need some one-on-one lessons on other stuff--yeah, I know you know what sex is but what about STIs? That’s half the battle. How about taking a break this week and just getting through health class?”

“But boss--”

“Trust me, this is way more important.”

Gabe took out one of his comms, one that only a limited amount of people on base had access too. It was mostly used for emergencies, but other times, was used as a quick way to contact anyone on base.  

“Hey Angela! How are you? It’s Gabriel Reyes. I’m great and so is Jack-o’-Lantern thanks for asking. Do you have a this week to give some health lessons to one of our agents? I know you’re friends with our little Jesse. Great. Yeah? Perfect, please put that textbook on reserve. I’ll send Jesse down soon. Ok. Awesome. Over.” Gabe clipped the comm back into his belt. “Ok, anyone else skip health class?”

The room, for once, was a resounding silence. Moira raised her hand.

“You didn’t take health class, O’deorain? Aren’t you a doctor?” Gabe asked.

“Very funny, commander. I was wondering why you did not just ask me to prepare some lessons and generic information for Jesse, and instead contacted Angela Zeigler.” She brought a hand up to her face, and rested her cheek on her long purple nails that looked like talons.

“Hey, doc. You’re coming with us on this mission. You can help out later if Jesse wants.” Gabe sighs and turns to Jesse. “Alright, cowboy. Sorry to do this to you, and don’t let this go to your head, but I can’t just let you go gallivanting into a foreign country with no knowledge about your own body parts. Trust me. Soulmates isn’t something to mess around with. I know you’re stressed about it. Consider yourself on hourly while you lax away while hitting the books this week, ok?”

Jesse sighed and pulled his cowboy hat off of his head. He was disappointed he wouldn’t be going to Japan, but there would definitely be more opportunities for travel in the future. Filling the cracks in his education wasn’t something that he would have completely expected out of Blackwatch.

In fact, he was still reeling over getting fed 3 square meals a day. Being treated with any semblance or respect. Being valued not because he was probably the greatest sharpshooter of his generation, but for his personality and interests. Though playing old Hollywood flicks on movie night annoyed his teammates to no end, people stuck around and watched with him. And that was more valuable than ransacking a jewelry store.

“You can stick around, but I suggest getting around early since the textbook Angela has for you is several hundreds of pages long.” Gabe grinned, trying to whisk away Jesse’s problems.

Jesse replaced the hat on his head, and yawned as he stretched his arms above his head. “See y’all later, suckeroonies. Y’all hear that? I’m being paid to stay on base this week!”

More laughter from the gallery. Jesse got a few pats on the back. Genji flicked a paper football in his direction, and it smacked Jesse straight in the forehead.

“Text me” Genji said with a salute. Gabriel cleared his throat and held out his hand.

Genji sighed as he was caught red handed, and surrendered his stash of paper footballs. A beat passed, and Gabriel remained focused on Genji. Genji took the paper footballs out of the pockets of his sweatpants and handed those over too.

That Genji.

Jesse snuck out the door as the team started talking about the autopsy reports, and was off to find Angela.

And not to say he wasn’t disappointed at not being able to travel with the rest of the team this time, but he tried to stick to the silver lining: gorging on breadsticks. Sometimes they were stale, but hit those babies with an unearthly and disgusting amount of ranch dressing, and Jesse would eat them like there was no tomorrow. Being paid also wasn’t half bad. And getting his question answered certainly wasn’t that bad.

He walked past the kitchen, one of the larger living rooms, and some of the barracks before taking an elevator up a few floors to the right area. Why wasn’t the med bay in the middle of the building?

Angela “Mercy” Zeigler was one of Overwatch’s doctors. She was at the top of her field at a young age, and a dear friend of Jesse’s. While the two could not have come from more different worlds, they bonded over some obscure things like miniature scented soaps. Besides, Jesse got injured so much on missions, they practically had to become friends. Angela was huge on doctor patient confidentiality, but that didn’t stop her from chewing Jesse out every single time he came back needing a cast.

If taking health classes was urgent enough for Gabe to kick him off of the latest mission, it had to be some level of important. How important could the whole soulmates thing be ? The elevator dinged and he followed the path he knew by heart to Angela’s office. He knocked on her door.

“Come in!” someone called from the other side.

He stepped inside. The examination room was just like he remembered it. White walls, with neat stacks of papers and books sitting in the corners by a computer desk. He was always impressed by how Angela worked, nothing seemed to get by her despite the clear lack of organization she subjected her belongings to. “Angie! Reckon you have a moment to spare for an old cowboy?”

She looked up from the paper she was reading and instinctively scanned the length of his body. “What appears to be the problem, Jesse? Ah. You’re here so early. Health lessons?”

“Correcto-mundo.”

She stifled a laugh and motioned to the examination table. “Feel free to take a seat, I’ll set up one of the projects. I have time to give you a quick lesson today, but otherwise believe you are just going to have to read a textbook and call me with any pertinent questions. We should also have a quick quiz at the end of the week just to see if you have retained any information. Where would you like to start?”

Jesse started swinging his legs back and forth, and took his hat off to get comfortable. This would be the closest he’d ever gotten to college. “What the hell’s a soulmate, Angela?”

“Ah, yes. That is a fun topic. Let us begin.”

And that is how Jesse finds himself reading through what has got to be the densest book he’s ever laid his pretty brown eyes on. Reading this thing is like trying to breath in a chunky soup. There’s just too much going on for it to be possible, but some find a way to make it happen. Not many, but some. The sun, now past noon, has travelled lower into the sky during the course of the afternoon. He sits on a cliff by the Overwatch base in Gibraltar, after thoroughly being lectured this morning by Dr. Zeigler.

Jesse rolls over, book in hand, and takes a moment to look over the cliff he’s been sitting at the whole time. The sea beneath him crashes into the crook of the precipice, leaving sparkling moisture behind to glitter in the sun. Who needed to go to Japan for a mission anyways? He sighed.

He glanced back down at his textbook. Jesse swears he’s never read so much in his life.

The connection between soulmates has not yet been properly explained by the lengths of modern medicine .

Great. Just what Angela said.

However, there is one documented process that occurs between a pair of soulmates. When an individual instigates skin-to-skin contact with their soulmate for the first time, their touch will leave a mark in the shape of the touch. For example, if a person accidentally bumps into their soulmate and the two touch shoulders, the initiator of the touch (IOT for short) will leave a shoulder shaped imprint on the receiver of the touch (ROT for short). Though the receiver may not see the mark form on their skin automatically, they will automatically feel a connection to their soulmate. However, the IOT will not feel anything short of some shoulder discomfort during this exchange.

Individuals in Markwell’s case study report that a forming soulmate connection feels like being “stuck in a movie montage” (Markwell 40). The ROT will automatically reel through a selection of events from the IOT’s life, and thus, gaining a better understanding of their fated person .

Hm.

When someone first receives their soulmate marking, Markwell reports, “it is common to freeze up as the memories are being transferred from person to person” (Markwell 41). In order to seal the bond and make it permanent, the ROT must then instigate skin-to-skin contact with the original IOT. Otherwise, any received soulmate marks will slowly fade over time, though never completely disappear.

Soulmates do not have to be romantic couples. Some opt for friendship, or other types of relationships. However, the majority of soulmates do end up spending the rest of their lives together in some form, due to the depth of their unique connection.

It is possible for soulmates to never meet, because before initial skin-to-skin contact, there are currently no medical tools available that accurately predict the existence of a soulmate connection between two people. The next section is a photo gallery of soulmate marks .

Ok.

Some of these were pretty funny. There’s an image of someone with a neon purple pair of lips, indicating that their first contact with their soulmate was a kiss. It was so embarrassing Jesse laughed. On another page, someone just had an imprint of a dark yellow hand on their shoulder. That looked kind of cool. 

Next page.

Soulmate pairs with an incomplete set of soulmate marks are another story. Individuals that have received a soulmate marking, but whom are unable to reciprocate the marking on their respective soulmate, have a greater chance of developing anxiety or depression. Individuals studied have repeatedly reported feeling listless. This has not yet been thoroughly studied. Psychiatrists predict that this is due to a mixture of reasons.

Scary.

Jesse hoped that this would never happen to him. He hoped to god, the gods, the sky, the flowing rivers and the tall mountains. He hoped this would never happen. But fate had other plans for young Jesse McCree.