#is that what people call em
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yknow
#sth#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#silver the hedgehog#mydoodles#Triple S#is that what people call em#man. idk
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This blog is full of problems, not a single normal post. How are you this weird.
and you took your time scrolling in my blog just to say that- LOL
#messyr#get off dude- im not harming anyone with what i do/what i like#those problems u so call are probably my vent arts- and that;s the thing- they're here for people who needs to see em/feel connected#and seen by another.
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Yknow what im somewhat curious and ive had people confused by this before so
(Rb for sample size yada yada whatever)
#spiders#i call em grand daddy long legs#but there have been people before who don't know what I mean by that#so im curious to see what others would call it#because ive grown up knowing them as just grand daddy long legs#regional dialect moment. im interested in it
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important aspect of shadowgast To Me is that caleb thinks it's cute when essek's being a bitch and visa versa
#oh to have someone who listens to you bitch and reminds you it's not the end of the world#also oh to have someone who sits vigil with you when you grieve and/or get angry at your lot in life no matter how deserved it might be#also important for them. To Me#essek gets into a really tetchy terrible mood bc he bitterly misses the comforts of being rich and not having to run for his life and#caleb silently hands him a basket of green beans to snap and essek realizes halfway through said basket that he's doing it#yknow what i mean.#i think for them. when im writing or reading or thinkin about em. the biggest importantest theme is that#1. they are terrible people who are trying very hard to learn how to be good 2. they are equally matched in their terribleness and very#unimpressed with one another. unstoppable force and immovable object. north star.#where is that fic. it's called out of season. it's so good its my thesis for them
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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins
Lowkey i ate with rhis actually no i didn't i ate wirh rhat ENDER EYE Why is it so rendered Hello
IGNORW RHEIR UGLY UGLY DESIGNS This was before they switched to their iconic Skins past e didn't know......
#loosely based off of this old thing it's under the Cut#origins smp#beeduo#beeduo fanart#idk what other tags to put i cant put C because this isn't C this is O..... but like do people even check those tags idk#actually no im scared i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals i dont want to interfere with their character ecosystem i was#only there for the first one😅#i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY#DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM#IR EAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE thats all i remmeber ANF ALSO RNE can i call you senpaaiiii bit thay shit h#ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its#been wayyyyyyy too long#BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise#bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop#yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really#wanted to share ok i love you bge#WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED#RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like#water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT#ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I#VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB#OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be#Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON#SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub#lic had to say.... ok Now bye
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12/7/2023:
2 episodes since Drawfee last referenced Cats (2019)
2 episodes since Drawfee last referenced Everytime We Touch (2005)
#episode: Nathan's BROTHER Challenged Him to a Speed Draw Contest...#2 episodes without cats incident#2 episodes without cascada incident#drawfee#LOVE a speeddraw episode and LOVE when they draw fanart of each other's pieces this was awesome#especially love a sibling dynamic too i've got three of 'em#we tend to have what i call ''performative fights'' when we're together around other people#where we start shit about things we don't actually care about just to put on a funny show for our friends
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might sound weird to say as a person with a couple ocs who have Big Horrible Event(s) in their backstories or as a person who has like 3 ocs total bc he sucks at writing and as a person who hopes their ocs arent too Boring with [the thing im about to mention] but the thing about writing [characters] and [people] is that like.
any little thing a person experiences can take up their whole existence... its actually something "fun" to experience as i meet new ppl and do more things. My friend had something happen that she'll be talking about forever. I had several things happen last year that ill never stop talking about, some of which other ppl think werent that bad actually. In the same way I'll forever remember about the way my sister accidentally insulted me almost 10 years ago, it's really interesting and Fun to find and assign smaller things like that to characters...its really Real. some people's dealbreakers are other people's solvable problems etc etc
#(as well as the opposite: Big Event that maybe shocks everyone around em but they genuinely werent shaken by)#though this one is more common and leads to those ''ohh i didnt know that was normal oops'' moments#talkys#inspired by recent me and friend events#and also recent events where i told sum ppl more stuff about Thing and they responded as if it wasnt a big deal. but it was to me.#and also how i thought a part of al's childhood backstory was kind of maybe dumb and not realistically as impactful as id expect#but i saw someone on reddit almost word for word write that as their experience and how its shaped em as a person#and thats it like... the small things are boring and hard to keep track of sometimes#its not like you'll include every single little event your oc was shaped by in their bio#but idk. its like Fun to piece together for fun. to mold a human being#ykwim? wld be silly to tell everyone ''oh my oc struggles with self image due to many instances like... when their sister called em ugly''#or write it anywhere but it is fun to Know and have in your head. and its real !#just like if a friend told you about something that happened to em#long post#delete later#sorry i keep saying stupid obvious shit lately ive always been bad at oc making AND socializing so im learning everything late#but anyway yes. idk even as i keep making ocs that are ''similar'' its like. every person so different#people can react to anything in any way for any reason. i love people#this is why i struggle a bit with keeping ocs to archetypes i guess bc like. what is ooc for an oc. people contain contradictions all the#time. you can change yourself at any time.#ok nobody will read this far so ill go to the real insane rambling#part of this has been a part of my chats with talon while trying to get him to share more info#like. yeah ok you're 400+ years old the things that happened to you were such a comparatively small part of your life#but humans dont live as long and think about small things until they die. i dont think time would heal all wounds actually. not all of em#some thoughts just always come to gnaw at your brain. its ok to not be over things. i feel ill never be over some things#and also complainerism can be fun but thats something else entirely wee hee ^_^
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heres a weird little species i thought of while falling asleep once
important note: i forgot to change that they're in their bronze age, not stone - they b smelting metals and shit....
#my art#xenobiology#speculative biology#i need to put these guys in spore so bad.......#no idea what to call them yet.. maybe like#zolgi or zalts or smthn.? maybe i can just call em snow noodles since they live on a cold planet#i'll add more details on em if people seem interested
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Hey babes, sorry I've been dead, but I coulda been literally dead if I had not gone.
I didn't hurt myself and we're still figuring things out. I would love to share but I've already forgotten what I've learned. I hope I get more guidance and time for healing and learning on how to lead my life in a better direction than where I was. But that takes time and effort.
I hope to get some rest, get some support, and get it together. But right now, I don't think it's healthy for me to worry about art in the way I do now. I may not express it here, but trying to maintain my art endeavors/projects while there's so much bullshit going on backstage is not helping me. Especially since I'm not even obligated to do so. But trying to force myself to do something I am currently unable to do will just make me feel worse. I'll follow my dreams and passions one day, but I've been putting off the healing process for years.
So I guess it's better to get better now so I can get the ball rolling again. Why drive on a flat tire?
#i was in there for a week and ill continue partial hospitalization for a few weeks#i hope i learn more and i hope i get specific help to my issues. because whay i learned there didnt directly pertain to me#but having structured daily life felt nice. but it wasnt all relaxing because there were still responisibilites on the outside world#tapping on the window or calling me on the phone. chose the best time for a meltdown. i have taxes and credit card bills to take care of#but if i stress about it now ill jsut be going back to the ER and thats no good. the hospital was so cold dude im glad im home with blankets#this is mr octopus again. im glad i broguh hom to work. i went straight to er from work and if i had no plushie with me#i probably would have stayed longer or be even more mentally unstable and distressed. its good to have comfort items#i dont think i want to know ehat if be like without some kind of companion or grounding item with me. i dont want to imagine me without em#its okay to have a little friend with you. i would be so distraught. everyone loved me there#the nurses the patients the residents yhe social workers the students#mr. octopus made them happy because of his big smile and mine too. the people there did not expect the mass amoutns of stress and depression#in this bubbly happy baby witb a happy pink octopus. one of the patients thought it was the meds the happy pills they gave me#no im jsut naturally like this. or artificially like this. i still dont know how to express or understand my feelings#if what im showing is real or not because i know ill be the happiest in the room wherever i go. maybe its a front or a mask#but when im like that kinda hard to know whats really underneath. they always ask me if im okay but i turn to myself#and its nondescript like ive put a blanket over how i really feel. its weird. the bubbly energy is blinding.#words#mr octopus#mental health#doodles
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The sick feeling you get in your stomach as an undiagnosed/closeted autistic hearing friends/loved ones make fun of or talk about "what's wrong with" the openly autistic people you know
#sometimes I think about telling certain people and then I'm reminded why I shouldn't <3#em rambles#autism#autistic#actually autistic#autistic things#ableism#even the people who do know are still iffy sometimes like you may think 'I usually don't get along with autistic people' is a compliment bu#it just makes me uncomfortable lmao#idk it's just like. yeah I don't 'seem' autistic with great intentionality around certain people because they've shown#me how unsafe it is lmao#I just hate that people think you're just quirky and different until you put the autistic label on it then there's something WRONG with you#or say you couldn't be autistic because there's nothing WRONG with you you're not THAT bad you're not LIKE THAT#I mean like. ideally I would like me telling people to expand people's ideas of what an autistic person looks/acts like but the sad reality#is that it'll just end in either disbelief or bullying#most likely#you know in ratatouille when remi thinks humans aren't so bad and then his dad shows him that shop with the dead rats and rat poison and#traps and the next morning remi tries walking down the street and people scream and throw stuff at him and call rats disgusting creatures#and he says 'I was reminded how fragile it all was'#that's the vibe as a closeted autistic lmao#you find people who accept you and think maybe it's not that dangerous. maybe it'd be okay#and then other people remind you why you mask in the first place#my autism is the rat hiding inside my hat
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one thing about me w/ creative freedom is that in all of my Personal Lore i will make dragons so People. they are a People. yeah yeah animalistic dragons dragons that are beasts we've all seen it. what about the very intelligent dragons. dragons with their own cultures and societies and languages. dragons who belong to a higher form of existence too. what about them
#i simply Cannot do the 'dragons are tameable animals' thing i cant#its fun to Observe and Enjoy in other medias#but my own headworlds? My lore? nahhhhhh fuck that they are People <3#like i have an offshoot that is basically 'animal dragons EXCEPT! theyre not actually dragons at all <3 humans just call em dragons-#-cause its the closest word they have for what the big rideable winged critters look like'#ough sorry headworld posting on main. kinda. vaguely#vague headworld posting....#balancing the various facets of Dragon is so so fun#my headworld docs are full to bursting and i aint done yet babeyyyyyy#absolutely unprompted#as an apology for this i will be posting some misc. laughingstock in a bit#BUT this is still this tags and i have a reputation for rambling#anyway i just. im feeling indulgent affection for my dragons tonight. their lore. their history. how it ties into others'#theyre out there making music and art and Mistakes#dragons: we'll do better than the humans. we will be better. we Are better.#narrator: they are not. in fact. better.#dragons and humans being more similar than either would ever admit. except for a select few <3#and then My Boy coming in clutch and irreversibly tying the two together#ough. thoughts thoughts Thoughts#i need to come up with more casual lore. games and common phrases and stories and how their learning system works#veran dragons my beloved <3<3<3<3<3#ah i love posting about things that only make sense to Me
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SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) DIR KEVIN PHILLIPS
#tragically had to skip the 'are you afraid of me' exchange i love at the start bc. this scene is Long#super dark times#josh templeton#zach taylor#sam edits#btw i'm firmly in the 'Josh didn't kill John' camp. bc to me THIS scene is the point that... makes the most sense as Josh's breaking point/#'villain turn' if that's what you'd want to call it. because this is really when Josh... sort of 'officially' loses Zach. from early on in#the movie it becomes clear how much Zach is like... an anchor for him—the way Josh is just fucking *chanting* his name in distress during#the Daryl accident. The way Josh begs Zach to believe him that it was an accident. The way Josh turns to Zach for answers/clarity/direction#Like even if we want to take a cynical approach and think of it as Josh just latching onto Zach in the Daryl situation because he was There#rather than that being an established thing w/ them... in the aftermath of that same incident Josh is still looking to/depending on him!#Josh self isolates at first... but after they talk & Zach tells him they shouldn't act weird Josh goes back to school. (yes#he lashes out there because He's Dealing With The Crushing Guilt but *all* of 'em are acting off then—Charlie specifically calls attention#to the idea they all probably are) Josh goes to the party just like Zach said they should and is *visibly confused* when Zach seems mad to#see him there. He goes to Zach's house to talk and you can SEE how caught off guard he is by what Zach says. Even though the script version#of this scene is VERY different from the final version I do think this one bit of description from it is... insightful: 'Josh seems sincere#almost vulnerable. But Zach is too focused to see it.' LIKE in this scene Zach is already convinced Josh has lost it! He's trying to act#more neutral about it (claiming they could just 'draw a line') but we saw his phone call with Charlie. Because of his own guilt-fueled#paranoia—something shown pretty clearly through the assorted dream sequences and like tht scene of him walking in the hall hearing people#gossip about Daryl—it seems like everything lines up too well! that '*of course* it's Josh and what if it's *been* Josh all along and well#then the role *I* played in the situation really isn't *my* fault because it was all *Josh* and...' etc. even if that's more subconscious#But like... this scene is really when it hits Josh! from the moment he asks if Zach's afraid of him now like... there's a shift. although#Zach says he isn't... i mean he fucking stumbles on the word 'afraid' (like... he hangs on the 'f' sound a moment too long to sound natural#its very subtle but like Noticeable). But Josh sees right through him. Zach doesn't trust him anymore. Zach thinks he's the bad guy. the#monster. Josh feeling like he lost the last person he had in his corner feels like the most realistic thing to... push him over the#edge. like that's a compelling tragedy to me—the idea that these two poorly coping with the Daryl situation in these separated ways where#they *aren't* talking/communicating ends up CREATING the feedback loop that makes everything get worse and worse.#But for that to be the case... it wouldn't make sense for Josh to have just randomly killed John before this scene. I think it's a more#interesting story if certain things really ARE just coincidences but it's that Zach's paranoia won't let him see that 🤷
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jonathan/eddie makes me so sick (POSITIVE!) because in the magical fantastical self indulgent world i have created in my brain in which they were in each others periphery since childhood and only really got close in the background while things were getting tense in jonathan's life is something that can be SO personal. eddie has to move in with wayne after middle school? jonathan finds his way to his new trailer whenever he can, it's muscle memory by the time he comes back to hawkins. lonnie fucks off from the byers? jonathan and eddie spend the night near castle byers writing a list of all the bands they're gonna see when they gain more independence. eddie loiters around the photography club (never participates or engages, just lurks) when jonathan moves to california. that kinda stuff
#kings.txt#also hi i missed posting my nonsense on here#keep subjecting my darling friends to my brain rot but my WORDS must be HEARD#i may even begin posting my jeddie ramblings disguised as fic but 🚬 what's the rush#rarepairs be like what if we consumed ur every waking thought#jonathan byers#eddie munson#jeddie#ik there's like two other jeddies (jeff/eddie i am a BIG big fan of) and yall call them#eddithan#but i was never really down with that name for some reason ...? didnt fit the sound vibrations bumping up and down my teeth very well#joneddie munbyers jonson whatever da fuq else people call em is all fine by me#idk any noun ship names for them though. not too fond of nounnames outside of h/ellc/heer bc thats just what they Are yk#wrong blog for me to be going crazy about THEM as well but uh 🚬 yknow
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I am nicer to visibly gay people btw
#I don't call people honey except gay men#I want them to feel warm#I like seeing gnc gay people and doing what I can to make em feel welcome
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Getting together some Malayan flying fox refs and the amount of ai-generated faux-bat slop is incredibly annoying. Why would you generate an image of something you could just look up photos of, poisoning the pot of decent reference images?
#also ai generated images make me feel sick. like not morally- i dont like em to be clear- but like actually kind of physically unwell#which is not what i want when looking at my special little guys#it /is/ interesting to see which bat species are well known or popular enough for this to be an issue though#because pretty much no other bat species that I've seen has had this problem#even well known pretty ones such as honduran whites n stuff#I reckon its a combination of their exceptional size and general doggy-ness meaning they're especially cute or appealing to try n replicate#just my two cents though and i know my perception of which bats are more well known or popular is probably skewed#someone called some bat recs i gave out basic once which hurt my feelings but also i dont think any bat recs can be basic because like#broadly speaking most people range from vaugley liking them in passing but not being able to name any types to outright hating them#but I digress. back to drawing.#not bats
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why does everything i get really into always end up being so god damn niche. by the year 2035 i am going to be blogging exclusively about the interpersonal relationships between the pillbugs and snails hiding underneath the bricks lining the flowerbeds in my parent's garden.
#im falling hard into the virvox guys rn sowwy. i like em a lot hee hee. i didnt realize just how small the fanbase for em was tho#actually i didnt realize how small the company that makes them were either. i got so used to the yamahas and cryptons of the vsynth world#that i forgot that like honestly. a lot of the voicebank makers and some of the software makers themselves#theyre like companies of like barely 10 employees with like no funding LOL not a bad thing but i forgor#but yeah i was looking up to see if there was like. a fanon reason why people shipped takehiro and ryusei? not judging because i get it#i like took one look at the virvox guys and immediately slotted them as a very strange boyband (a catboy and a middle aged dragon man....)#and also took a second look at takehiro and ryusei and assumed they were childhood friends. i saw the doujin flash before my eyes#but also looking into it it seems the fanbase is also like. 20 people. and like 3 of them ship that#and at least one person ships whiteCUL and ryusei? why not LOL when it comes to vsynths sometimes a ship can be spearheaded by like#one very prolific artist HGDJKDFSHDJK which actually reminds me. honestly i dont really have many vsynth ships#i guess i dont really partake in a lot of shipping stuff deeply but i like romance!! you know i like love stories. you know this#i mean i keep calling the eclipsed sounds characters the celestial polycule for a reason tho. im not joking around about this#this is serious to me. they are stars and moons and suns and together they hang out and kiss. in the sky. this is serious to me#also i do like solaria x eleanor forte actually. its a bit random but i understand it. i understand it#and of course the aformentioned takehiro x ryusei. and also the whole virvox polycule. get that old man in here too#(what do they call people like me. a multishipper? i do that a lot. you know this from my otome game fanart LOL)#OH and i dont remember either of their names rn but i like that the cevio bank anju inami voiced has like a big fat crush on like#that girl with the brown hair. i like that theyre like. besties (turning into something more wink wonk)#thinks with all my brain. i think thats it. i dont know why theres so little. i think its because i think of them as like#audio sample libraries first and foremost and i forget about their characters and relationships LOL#but im not against the idea of making some audio sample libraries kiss...... not at all#picks up a guitar sampler and a sound effect cd. presses them together.#hee hee. they kiss
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