#this is serious to me. they are stars and moons and suns and together they hang out and kiss. in the sky. this is serious to me

[bmpmp3]

why does everything i get really into always end up being so god damn niche. by the year 2035 i am going to be blogging exclusively about the interpersonal relationships between the pillbugs and snails hiding underneath the bricks lining the flowerbeds in my parent's garden.

[taylormarieee]

I got my eyes on you Luke Castellan

Summary: You and Luke finally go on that date and things get spicy...

Pairing: Luke Castellan x Fem!Aphrodite!Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: Smut, PiV sex, Luke being a simp, FINALLY TOGETHER!, Love confessions, Luke watches over you, Luke being a gentlemen, Sweet love, First times, Virginity loss, Reader is scared, Fluff, Comfort, happy ending!

Previously:

He looks at you and your body with love. He stares at the tiny goosebumps on your skin and the little scars you have that he wants to ask all about and draw stars around your scars for hours.

"Your so gorgeous." He whispers. You smile and kiss his lips.

"And your so handsome." You giggle and his eyes sparkle with love. You continue to kiss him passionately and you begin grinding on him but he grabs your hips and stops you.

"Wait... wait baby." He says staring at the floor. You stare at him with confusion before he makes eye contact with you again.

"N-Not like this. I don't want our first time to be in an infirmary. I want it to be romantic because..." He trails off.

"Because what?" You asks confused. He sighs and rubs circles on your waist as he grabs your shirt.

"Because I love you pretty girl." He says staring at you. Your eyes widen and he explains.

"I've loved you for a while now. I know it's been a week since we had that whole altercation but I've loved you since we first made eye contact and I've told you that."

You stare at him frozen. "P-Please say something. Your scaring me." He says.

"Yea, you know I love you. I love you so much. That night when I told you. I Love you Luke Castellan."

Now:

9:28pm

You were getting ready in your cabin for this date you have with Luke. This would be you guy's first serious night out together.

You were so excited! You just couldn't wait. Constantly humming and hopping around and you just couldn't focus.

You did your hair the way you always liked it. You put on your favourite dress that were for camp events.

You put on your sneakers and began to make your way to the front door of your cabin.

When you opened it, Luke was standing there with a boquet of roses and daisys.

Your eyes sparkled in the moonlight as he stood there with the flowers in his hands.

"Awww Lukey, you didn't have to!" You said covering your face in your hands.

"Of course I did. Anything for my girl. What did you expect mama?" He says tilting his head in that seductive way you always folded to.

You giggled at the name he gave you and you just couldn't function. You hid your face all flustered and nervous

"Do I make you nervous pretty girl?" He asks lowly.

"Luke... STOP! Y-You don't." You stutter as you take his hand and walk with him while holding your flowers.

"Hey wait. Can I put these in the vase by my bed?" You ask staring up at him.

He smiles and nods. You quickly run inside and tiptoe quietly around to put them in your vase.

You come back out and smile grabbing his hand and interlocking it with yours.

"I'll ask Percy to put water in them later!" You say with that adorable smile on your face that drove him wild.

After walking for a few minutes you guys finally arrive. "This is the spot baby." He says. You look in awe at the tiny little candles while there's multiple blankets and pillows on the floor.

It's right in front of the lake and you can see the moon shining so bright.

"You did not!" You stared laughing in disbelief. He looks at you and nods.

You look at him and wrap him in the biggest and most appreciative hug ever.

"Thank you." You whisper to him in his ear. He smiles and speaks, "Anything for my pretty girl."

Your cheeks get hot from the amount of praise your getting from Luke. You loved him so much.

"Come, let's sit pretty girl. I have some strawberries and some juice if that's ok?" He asks grabbing them and holding them in his hands.

"CAPRI SUNS! Awwww those are my favourites! I love these!" You say giggling.

He watches you with such admiration and love in his eyes. You were so adorable.

"Your so cute you know that?" He says leaning in to give you a sweet kiss on the lips.

"Maybe..." You say before attaching your lips to his eagerly. He smiles into the kiss as he bites your lip before drawing it out while pulling away.

You whimper and then smile. "Hey, before we get to the "other" stuff, can we please at least eat in peace?" You ask chuckling.

He lays down next to you watching as you admire the stars. "My fault pretty girl, ok we'll eat." He says pulling out a strawberry for you.

You eat the strawberry as you watch the constellations and your fortunate enough to see a shooting star.

You quickly make a wish. "You made a wish didn't you?" He asks. You smile with your eyes still closed knowing he's staring at you.

"Yep. I made a wish."

"What was it?" He asks.

"Wouldn't exactly be much of a wish if I told you now would it Castellan?" You say opening one eye to look at him.

He laughs at you in his propped up position on one elbow before he lays down fully to look at the stars as well.

Now it's your turn to just stare at him. His features, his relaxed facial expression, his lips curled into a tiny smile, his pretty nose, his scar, how curly his hair is, the way his eyes glisten in the light...

Everything about him was just so majestic and handsome. Sometimes you wonder how you got a boy like Luke. More so how you got Luke in general.

You proceed to observe him more. Going lower to his biceps, the veins in his arms and hands made you weak, his hands in general could make you weak, his abs through his shirt, gods why was this man so fine...

As your eyes trail down his body, you don't notice the hermes boy staring at you the whole time.

Observing your facial expressions, the way you bite your lip as you look at him.

He was a very attentive person. He observed every single feature on your face.

He noticed the things you complain about and he always use to tell you the same thing...

{"I don't care how many times you point out your insecurities and your flaws baby," He says

You frown and feel tears in your eyes...

"Your beautiful, in my eyes your imperfections are perfections. Your always perfect in my eyes." He says holding you and kissing your face.

You smile warmly feeling loved and appreciated.}

"Luke? Lukey!" You say in a sing songy voice. He opens his eyes and sees your cute face staring at him.

"Yea pretty girl?" He says in his low husky voice. Your face gets hot and you smile.

"Nothing, thought you were sleeping..." You say nervously. He stares at you intensely before his eyes drift down to your lips.

Your eyes eventually do the same dance. Eyes then lips. You don't even know who initially initiated the kiss first but you were to locked in to even care.

You whimper and moan into the kiss as you slowly start to sink into the pillows and sheets.

He slowly starts to straddle you and enclosing you in a cage with his arms. You wrap your fingers around his neck engulfing them into his soft curls.

You pull him closer to you as he starts to slowly grind on you. You whimper his name in the kiss and he completely loses it.

His hand slides up your waist while the other hand holds his body weight up so he doesn't crush you.

Nervously but quickly you start to mess with his shirt wanting so badly to rip it off his body.

"Do it." He said, as if he read your mind. You look up at him and heat rushes to your face.

You take off his shirt in a eager way and ran your warm hands down his cold back.

He fiddles with your pant button and slowly and teasingly slides it off you.

You squirm trying to hurry and get it off already, eager to finally feel Luke inside you.

"So eager, aren't you?" He chuckles as he looks at you with darkened eyes and swollen lips.

Gods, he looked so pretty like this. You hastily nodded at his question and you heard him chuckle again as he buries his head in you neck smelling your scent.

The fragrance you put on just for him. "Smells good pretty girl. Did this all for me?" He asks kissing sloppy kisses on your neck.

"Ngh- mhm." you whimper out. He smirks against your neck as he leaves hickies everywhere.

"Mhmm Lukey p-please. I need you." you whine.

"You have me. Ya need me where pretty girl?" He chuckles teasing you. He knows exactly what you mean he just wants you to say it.

"Inside Lukey, I need you inside." you whisper in his ear. It sends a shiver down his spine at how desperate and attractive your voice sounds.

Luke proceeds to remove his pants and boxers. He slides your pretty pink laced panties to the side and stares at your glistening cunt.

He prys his eyes away from the meal he wants to destroy and looks at your pretty face.

"Ok, are you ready pretty girl? I'll be as slow as possible. Lemme know if you can't take it anymore ok?"

You nod your head as a sign that your ready. You were half scared and half excited considering this is your first time having sex. Your also extremely glad your first time is with Luke.

He slowly slides into you and you immediately gasp at the stretch. You grip onto Luke's bicep and shut your eyes closed.

His head is spinning. Your extremely tight and he's losing his mind. "Fuck mama. Your so fucking tight pretty girl."

All you can respond with is a whimper as he fully bottoms out. "So b-big lukey."

"mhmm so big aren't I, gonna fill you up nice and full." He says with a smirk on his pretty face.

His thrust are slow and passionate. Making sure you and his first time is comfortable and intimate.

As his pace starts to pick up slightly your moans and whimpers get a bit louder as that feeling in your stomach starts to form.

"Oh shit Lukey...r-right there!" You cry out feeling euphoria all in your veins. It's coursing through your body as you feel the need to release whatever feeling this is.

"L-Luke! What's that feeling I feel deep in my stomach and this throbbing in my p-pussy?" You stutter out whimpering and whining.

Saliva dripping from your tongue as he thrusts into you nice and hard making you remember this moment for years.

"You gon cum for me babygirl? Hmm? Gonna cum all on my cock?" He says with that cocky smirk on his face.

You nod your head and grip the blanket that's laid under you. Your breasts bouncing with every slow and sensual thrust.

He's slowly losing it. The need to just roughly handle you and thrust into you like an animal is taking over his mindset slowly.

He keeps his composure for you to enjoy the feeling of your orgasm.

He relishes in the face your making when you cum. Your pretty little eyes rolled to the back of your head. Your plump, swollen lips wide open in a silent cry.

He places a sweet kiss to your lips and your head as his pace quickens to reach his climax.

He's very vocal. Panting and moaning. Luke's a whimpering mess and you love it.

Tugging on his curls to hear that guttural groan escape his throat and you lick and kiss marks on his neck and collarbone.

You mark him as he marked you. In places that everyone are bound to see and place the pieces together that you guys are dating.

You love this man with all your heart and he loves you more than the gods love you.

His orgasm finally flows through him and he fills you up. Releasing his seed deep inside you. His curls sticking to his sweaty face as he leans his head on yours.

Both of you panting and breathing heavily. He holds you in his arms and rubs your thighs and back to comfort you.

"You ok pretty girl?" He asks softly. You whimper and nod. He watches as his seed leaks out of your soaping cunt and puts your panties back in place to keep it there.

He grabs your clothes and puts them back on you, and begins to carry you bridal style on the way back to his cabin.

Your sisters wouldn't mind right? Plus you both had to be back before Chiron arrived to do his daily check up on all the campers.

When he opened the door to the hermes cain he looked down at you and noticed you were fast asleep. He smiled down at you and kissed your forehead.

He laid you down on his bunk and then began to leave. He went back to that same spot to clean up everything. He took the blanket and threw it in the trash so no one would know, plus it reeked of sex.

He then blew out all the candles and placed them back on every table in the pavillion.

He finally made his way back to you and climbed in bed with you. He pulled you close to him and snuggled up next to you. You still smelled good and smelled like him.

He faced your body away from the door and shielded you with his body that way if Chiron came in, he wouldn't see you.

"I got my eyes on you my pretty girl. Won't let anything happen to you baby."

He finally drifted off to sleep letting his dreams flow like a river, a river full of love and happiness.

He finally had a peaceful and loving dream rather than a nightmare. And he was grateful you were the cause of his fantastic dream.

Taglist: @elaratckker @lizziesfirstwife @angelicdanvers @prettyinsatiable @angelinajolie0213 @maryann2013 @kneehe-nehar7 @rhydianissuperior @urmomsbananabread @reader-bookling123 @istillremberthefirstfallofsnow @csifandom @repostingmyfavs @leo-lvr @glorywielder101 @aanoia @madelainelupin16 @ahh-chickens @callsignwidow @murdrdocs @bright-molina

A/N: I'm sorry it took so long but it is finally here!!!!!! Hope you all enjoy this one because I really love this one!

~COMMENTS AND REBLOGS ARE MUCH APPRECIATED~

[rachalixie]

a/n: a little thing i scrapped from a fic i'm writing for my baby star @forlix :) i love you. i choose you. <333

“lix?” you ask, tentativeness lining the single syllable like even your voice knew that what you were about to say was a little silly. “why did you choose me?”

“what do you mean?” he hums, his fingers faltering on his keyboard as he tries to split his attention between you and the colorful pixels on the screen. 

“like, why me? you could have had anyone you wanted,” you bite your tongue, not quite understanding why these words were coming out here and now. 

“what do you mean.” he repeats, more of a statement than a question now, like he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. he turns around completely, facing you and letting his character die a tragic death on the screen behind him. “are you serious?”

“i- no?” you sigh, not quite meeting his eyes. “yes. kind of? i don’t know.”

“y/n,” he rolls his chair close to you until your knees were touching, and he takes your hands in his, stopping you from wringing your fingers together. “it wasn’t a choice, you know that right? the stars brought us together, you’re mine in every way that i am yours.”

“right but,” you start, feeling grateful when he squeezes your hands in a silent go on, i’m here to listen. “if you could make that choice. if you didn’t want what the universe chose for you. then what?”

“if it was a choice to make, i would choose you every single time,” he slides off the chair, falling to his knees in front of you. “in every universe, in every reality, in every single world that exists, i choose you. over and over.”

“yes, but why?” and that is the root of it all - it was less of a deep rooted problem of insecurity and more of a lack of understanding. 

“god, i love you,” he looks up at you, so reverent that you feel your breath catch on nothing. “you’re perfect for me. no matter how many flaws you think you have, you compliment me in every single way. i didn’t know someone like you could exist for me in this world, and if i ever lost you i’d spend the rest of my days alone because no one can compare to you.”

“you think of me like that?” you try to ignore the stinging in your eyes and the burning in your nostrils that signal that you were going to cry. you knew the answer; you felt that way about him, too.

“yes,” he says, simple and ringing with truth. “you’re my perfect little star, the one i wish on every night. i look up at the sun and i think of you simply because we live under the same one. i could go on but - do you understand, now?”

“i do,” you smile. and while looking at him, the moon that hangs bright in your night skies, you truly do understand. 

—

soft hours

[milkbreadandtadpoles]

stsg x angel

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚⋆˚🐾˖°⋆。°🎧•‧.₊˚🐰‎₊˚⋆⭒。⋆୨୧˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚⋆˚🐾˖°⋆。°🎧•‧.₊˚🐰‎₊˚⋆⭒

snippet: measly 0.5k of an insight into my poly!stsg brain. reader is neutral!

warnings: stsg it it's own warning. suggestive language, suggestive dom/sub behavior and dynamics. reader being a pouty angel ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊ also, proabably poorly edited

author's note: dawg i just had some inspo and had to put thoughts to paper. and i must share! please enjoy my brain rot, my little clan of followers and those who will be searching in these tags.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚⋆˚🐾˖°⋆。°🎧•‧.₊˚🐰‎₊˚⋆⭒。⋆୨୧˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚⋆˚🐾˖°⋆。°🎧•‧.₊˚🐰‎₊˚⋆⭒

“Would you suck the strap?”

“It’s seven thirty in the morning, Satoru. Please don’t start right now.”

“But I’m serious!”

“Shut up, Suguru is still sleeping.”

“I’m not.”

You palm your face, glaring at Satoru through your fingers, “You woke him up.”

“I doubt me talking about your sexual tendencies woke up the household princess.”

“Can you just flip the pancakes?”

“Oh, you’re making pancakes?” Suguru murmurs, gruff and syrupy. His hair is haphazard, yet silky and smooth. The frizzled strands frame his angular, gaunt face. It’s too cold for there to be color in his face, kissed by late moonlight instead.

“Yes, like the mother hen I am.”

Suguru has a sleepy, languid smile on his face when he watches you roll your eyes. You’re in the prettiest pajama set- cozy and warm and accentuated, eyes still riddled with sleep, head of hair a little out of place. But the light flooding the kitchen makes your cheeks glow.

“We don’t need a mother hen in the house.”

“Oh, please,” Satoru snorts, waving around a spatula with chunks of gooey batter threatening to splash against the back of the kitchen wall, “‘Toru, please make me some breakfast. Toru, I’ll give you a kiss if you-“

“I didn’t say that.” You bark, brows furrowing. Placing your hands on your hips, you frown.

Satoru beams. “You might as well have- it was with your eyes.”

“My eyes?” There’s a pout on your face when Suguru has the audacity to smile. “They were half closed when I walked into the kitchen this morning-“

“They wouldn’t have been if you drank the tea I made you-“

“I did drink it.”

“Oh?” Satoru’s lips quirk, satisfaction apparent in his shrewd smile. “You’re such a good pet for listening.”

Your cheeks burst into flames, mortification further trailing into the deep lining of your gut when the little, white haired freak has the audacity to coo. Suguru holds a hand up, and both of you quiet. Submission is a small word compared to what authority he can pull from the two of you.

“It’s seven thirty in the morning, Satoru.”

And you smile, looking at the man who might as well have hung the moon and stars and sun himself. Shit, he might as well be the sun. The gravitational pull of the planet of you and Satoru that make it bearable living together.

That shatters briefly when he murmurs slyly to Satoru as he flips a partly burnt pancake, “Give it at least an hour or two before you start making her look like that.”

“Suguru.” You whine and he smiles the type of smile that melts your insides.

Huffing a breath, he tells you about going to get ready, to be good before he leaves the kitchen- abandoning you and Satoru in a vice like silence. There’s a pout on your face, laboriously crawling onto the kitchen counter to swing your sock-covered feet while the devious little shit continues to stack up pancakes as though there were four more of you in the house.

But they have an insatiable appetite, so it's a comment you hold with a bite of your tongue.

[pink-amethyst-tarot]

♡ What's Coming Next For You In Love ♡

P I L E 1 ~ P I L E 2 ~ P I L E 3

♡ P I L E 1 ♡ All I really need to know is that you believe

Ten Of Pentacles, Seven of Wands, Nine of Pentacles (Reversed), Eight of Cups (Reversed), Page of Swords

Bottom of the Deck: Knight of Swords

This Relationship will be a prosperous one and this person will fight for you. They will let you know that you are a top priority for them. I'm getting that you will be so very dedicated to this person coming in BUT you are being warned to no lose yourself in them and to no be too in your own head when it comes to this relationship. It's fine to daydream and to be in love but it's important to remember that you matter, too. Your family and friends are just as important as your cutie pie.

Something you'll love is how intellectual this person is and will love talking to them. I can see you two sitting closer together and talking and smiling. I have a feeling that this person will not want to be open at first or will be scared to let their guard down. They may have had people tell them to "tone it down", so they won't show all of themself all at once but once open up, they'll really see how special they are.

I'm also getting a channeled message saying that some of you need to let go of an ex before getting with someone new. If you don't you could lose someone really great.

Channeled song: I Would Die 4 U by Prince

I'm not your lover // I'm not your friend // I am something that you'll never comprehend // No need to worry // No need to cry // I'm your Messiah and you're the reason why //

♡ P I L E 2 ♡ Come out of hiding, I'm right here, beside you

The Star, Seven of Wands, Strength, The Sun, Page of Wands (Reversed)

Bottom of the Deck: Nine of Cups

In the past, you may have been in lack luster relationships; relationships that lacked passion or chemistry. WELL, THAT'S ALL IN THE PAST NOW BAYBEEE!!! The person coming in for you is a wish come true. Like, imagine the person you wrote about in your diary in middle school but so much better. They are all you ever wanted and more! For many of you, I would even say this is a soulmate connection! (AMAZING!) In this next connection, this person will see you as their hope and their inspiration; you are their muse. Not only will you being in love with your person, but you will also be best friends with your person!! I'm getting that a lot of you already know who this person is.

This person has some serious "golden retriever" energy! You may take trips together too but it's not just the both of you but with friends too because you guys are like a big family and you all just love being together. I'm getting that this person could be a Leo (Sun, Moon, Rising, or Venus). I keep coming back to the "golden retriever" energy! They just have a bright personality, and they are so warm and inviting. They are just so fun to be with and they are the life of the party. This person also has such a weak spot for you. You're their kryptonite. They will do anything for you and will fight to keep you if they have to. I feel like even when the two of you are official, they want to still prove to you that they desire you and they still care about you. They want to make it really clear that they want you always and always will.

Channeled song: You Matter To Me from Waitress: The Musical by Sara Bareilles ft. Jason Mraz

because you matter to me // simple and plain // not much to ask from somebody // you matter to me // I promise you do, you // you matter too // I promise you do // you'll see // you matter to me //

♡ P I L E 3 ♡

Ace of Pentacles, Five of Cups, Queen of Cups (Reversed). Six of wands, Ace of Wands

Bottom of the Deck: The Chariot

What seemed like a hot fling, is going to quickly change into a stable relationship. I can hear you now. "What do you mean? I'm having fun! I don't want anything serious right now!" Well, too bad. This love is ready for you, and I think you're ready for it. You may be scared of settling down with someone because of a past heartbreak. I'm getting that this person was kind of a bum, for lack of a better word. This person was not good for you nor were they good to you and they really did some damage when they were in your life. They didn't give you what you needed in the relationship. They didn't provide balance to the relationship. You gave all of yourself to this person, only to receive nothing in return. It won't be like that with this new person. This is a love worth celebrating and trust me when I say that you will feel celebrated by your beau. They are going to show you off and remind you of how important you are, how special you are. They are going to remind you of how much they love you and care for you every single chance that they get. While writing this, I'm channeling that your person wants to say that you have a beautiful heart and they are going to keep it safe. Know that this person sees being with you as a great victory.

OMG, I hope you like a flirt because they are gonna make you blush like you committed a sin! It will be like two teenagers in love but with more stability and maturity. This will be something very long term. This person is dedicated to you and your relationship. I'm getting that not all of you are the type to want to get married but for those of you who do, expect to hear those wedding bells ringing! The colors, emerald green, gold, pink, white and a cool grey could be significant to you.

Channeled Message: "Baby, our love is older than this life we live in now. It dates back further than our human minds can comprehend. Don't run from this; from us. We choose each other every lifetime. Don't let this time be any different."

Channeled song: Still by Tamia

Feels like the first time we met // When I kissed // and I told you I love you //

If you want a personalized reading, you can get one on Etsy at PinkAmethystTarot

Page Divider by: @eloquentreverie

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. THESE READINGS ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. no guarantees are implied. these readings are not a substitute or replacement for any professional help or services. My readings are not a substitute for any form of professional legal, medical/psychiatric, relationship, religious/spiritual or financial/ business advice nor consultations. You should always see a professional legal/trained adviser for help in any matter. I am not responsible for any decisions/ actions you take.

[clbrq]

WORSHIPPED — C. BROCK & S. GOLBACH.

prompt; your bestfriend suggests joining her to a religious group to get a taste of solidarity and tranquility that you’d never felt before, all thanks to the two male leaders. to no surprise, the group is cult-like and worships the two men like god. but, when they finally speak to you, you suddenly feel the urge to support them scrupulously like the rest of the members.

warnings; SMUT, cultleader!colby, cultleader!sam,, oral (giving), threesome, heavy religion mention, cult vibes, p in v sex, unprotected sex (wrap it up), praise is mentioned, joining a cult?? lots of brainwashed members. use of the word “master” sorry xx

inspo from @golbrocklovely

“Just try it. For me.” Katrina spoke, her voice playful, yet serious.

I was conflicted—of course I wanted to support her and her beliefs, but this idea was too suspicious for my liking.

“And they won’t force me to join their cult?”

Rolling her eyes, “It’s not a cult. It’s just a group of people who want to get together and share their beliefs in the greater good and loving each other.”

“Just a group.” I scoffed, finding it all too surreal, “Sounds a lot like a cult to me.”

“Please, can you stop repudiating the heaven this could bring you?” Katrina snapped, an expression of distaste washing over her face.

Catching me by surprise, I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll try it.” Katrina’s face flipped back to one filled with contentment as the words left my mouth.

“Thank you. I promise it’ll change your life.” She giggled, my face grimacing at her utmost pleasure at her religious group.

“And ‘repudiating’? Where did you learn that?”

“Them, of course. It’s not just a place to meet others and practice your beliefs, but they teach you things as well.” She educated, a grin still plastered across her face.

“Right.” I mumbled, a strange feeling washing over me. Katrina was happy with my response, snapping back into her usual bubbly self and bouncing off towards the kitchen.

I was unsure of this. Katrina’s behaviour was almost starting to worry me—it was like she was brainwashed. They have so much control over her it was concerning—she wasn’t herself when they were got brought up into conversation.

I didn’t know who or what this group was, but despite the overwhelming feeling of fear, I was unquestionably intrigued.

As the golden sun retreated behind our view, the glistening moon returned to our sky—showing off its millions of stars to our eyes. The night grew silent as I walked up the stairs, silently shutting the door to my bedroom as to not disturb Katrina in hers.

Settling down into the comforts of my bed, I shut my eyes—ready for a rejuvenating night’s sleep, when the sound of muffled voices filled the silence of my room. Opening my heavy eyes, I peered up into the dark room to identify the noise.

“Dear my masters’, thank you for this beautiful day, I’m so grateful for your love and care. Amen.” Katrina’s mumbled voice rang through my ears as she finally went silent, leaving me to my confused thoughts.

She was praying to them now? This has got to be some sick joke. And who the fuck were the “Masters’”?

She was taking this way too far. All I knew about their group was that it was a safe place for people to support the work of the two leaders and for those who wanted to practice their beliefs. What I wasn’t made aware of was that they were seen as God-like and worship-able.

Managing to settle my mind, I re-closed my eyes and attempted to drift off to sleep—ignoring the thoughts wizzing through my mind about ‘what the hell was going on with my friend?’.

The next morning, I awoke to the sound of soft music playing from below me, and louder singing mixing with it. Katrina was already awake, clearly. Rising from my bed, I rubbed my tired eyes and slowly made my way to greet Katrina.

As I walked into the kitchen, the strong smell of pancakes and chocolate wafted through my nose as my eyes landed on Katrina, humming to herself quietly. Furrowing my eyebrows at her back, I noticed her outfit—What the fuck? She was dressed head to toe in white, all smart-wear, looking as though she was headed to an office job. Her once straight hair was now curled and washed, and small matching white heels clad her feet as she slightly danced to the music.

“Oh, good-morning!” Katrina chirped, turning around to face me, a bright smile on her face, her flawless makeup meeting my vision, “I’m making pancakes, are you hungry?”

Her undeniable happiness shocked me, “Uh, yeah, thank you.” I muttered, taking a seat on the barstool underneath our kitchen island, taking in the array of food laid out in front of me.

Toppings ranging from strawberries to maple syrup to chocolate sauce laid out neatly on the island, all scattered across as she placed a plate of three pancakes in front of me. Muttering a quiet ‘thank you’, I reached for a few toppings, laying then aimlessly onto my breakfast as she sat opposite me.

“What’s got you so excited?” I questioned, taking a bite.

“It’s service day, silly.” She laughed, “Why wouldn’t I be excited?”

Confused, I spoke, “Oh, right. Sorry.”

“You’re coming with me, right? It starts at 9.” Katrina pushed, eating her breakfast so quickly, she would more than likely get sick.

“It’s only, 7:30. Slow down.” I laughed nervously, looking at her, concerned.

Katrina didn’t reply. She continued to eat rapidly, barely leaving room to breathe as she scoffed down her food. Once she cleared her plate, she rushed to wash it and dry it, placing it carefully back into the cupboard.

“Are you nearly finished?” She pressed, staring deeply at me as she turned around to face me.

Glancing down at my full plate, I laughed, “No. Kat, chill out.”

“No, I have to be ready on time.” She spoke, seriously.

“Yeah, you are, you have an hour and a half. Just relax, go sit on the couch or something.” I suggested, “I’ll wash my plates, just please go sit down.”

Doing as I told her, she took a seat on the couch, huffing in annoyance as she did so. Taking out her phone, her fingers swiftly hit the screen as she texted. I wonder who that might be?; probably those cult leaders.

I finished up my breakfast soon after—washing my plates and clearing the area quickly as to join Katrina in the living area. As I walked over, she jumped up and blocked my entrance, “No, no.” She shook her head, seriously, “You have to go get ready.”

“What?”

“You have to look nice, Y/N.” She spoke, turning me around and pushing me towards the stairs, “Come on, I’ll help.”

Without having chance to reject the offer, she placed me on her vanity chair, and began dolling me up. Katrina curled my hair naturally, humming quietly as she did so. Then, she moved onto my makeup, taking her sweet time to perfect my face—making sure any imperfection was covered and every part of it looked unimpaired.

“Okay, you’re done.” She grinned, standing upright to observe the finished product.

Glancing in the mirror in front of me, I stared deeply at the sheer amount of makeup on my face. In all fairness, Katrina did do an amazing job—but I almost didn’t look like myself.

“Outfit time!” Katrina’s excitable voice pulled me from my train of thought as she beckoned me to follow her to my room.

This was all becoming very serious for a group service.

As I walked into my closet, Katrina rummaged through my clothes quickly. A loud gasp erupted from her lips as she pulled out a long, silky, black dress. She soon paired it with a pair of black heels, and a fluffy coat.

“Isn’t this a bit much?” I queried, placing all the items on the bed, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Not at all! Everyone will love it, don’t worry.” She smiled, “I’ll be downstairs—don’t be long, I want to get there early.”

Nodding, pursing my lips together, I sighed deeply as she exited my room. I slipped on the chosen clothing as quickly as I could—not wanting to irritate my clearly insane best-friend. I did look good, if I was going to the Oscar’s, not to a cult meeting at 9 o’clock on a Wednesday.

Katrina didn’t waste any time getting me out of the house. By 8:30, we were in the car and driving to the godforsaken house of horrors. Nerves rumbled in my stomach as Katrina parked neatly outside the church. The building was older-looking; tall, concrete pillars stood proud outside, guarding a larger wooden door, raising up at least 8 feet tall.

Much to my surprise, more people were joining than I expected. Young men and women, together or alone—flocked towards the entrance, all dressed elegantly and smiling brightly.

Weird.

Katrina rushed ahead of me to greet a raven-haired boy stood by the door, greeting people as they walked in.

“Jake! So happy to see you.” Katrina gushed, embracing the taller boy in a hug.

“Great to see you, too, Katrina.” Jake replied, a warm grin splattered on his face. ‘Katrina’? Very formal, “And I see you’ve brought a friend?”

“Yes, this is Y/N.” Katrina spoke, “She’s just joining me for today, I think, she just wants to see what our world is like.”

Our world? The fuck..

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Jake. Jake Webber. I’m sure you’ll really love it in here today.” He spoke, reaching his hand out to shake mine.

“Thanks. Nice to meet you, too.” I replied, cautiously, shaking his hand slowly.

“Go on in and grab your seats. I know you love the front row, Katrina.” Jake joked, playfully nudging her arm.

Katrina let out a loud laugh, one I’d never heard before, “Come on, Y/N, I don’t wanna loose a good seat!” She demanded, pulling my arm slightly towards the door.

As I walked in, my breath was snatched from my chest as I took in the sight before me. Glorious, ancient architecture plastered along the walls of the older church, paired with large, detailed pillars that placed themselves in the four corners of the room. At the front of the room stood a tall stage, made out of wood, but a large curtain laid itself before it—similar to one at a theatre. But, the most beautiful part of it all, were the iridescent, gleaming, eye-catching, multi-coloured stained glass windows with images of lovers engaging in a sensual kiss, or a proud King showing off his glistening crown, or one of a strong prince sat heartily on a golden throne.

This was unreal. No wonder Kat loved coming here.

Many other followers of the group flooded in, taking their seats just like Kat and I had done—emerging themselves with conversation with those around them. I couldn’t quite pick up on what they were discussing, but a few glimpses of ‘handsome’ and ‘extremely talented’ struck my ears.

Soon enough, the room fell silent as the curtain waved slightly as it began to open. The nerves in my stomach bubbled further as they fully opened, revealing to me exactly what Katrina was praying to and what the others were talking about.

Oh. my. god.

“Welcome, all.” His loud, booming voice echoed through the room as everyone listened intently, “It’s so heart-warming to see you all return week-after-week. We are appreciative of every single one of you.”

“You’re damn right, Sam.” The other added, a grin loosely hanging on his pink lips as he nodded slightly, “We are a family, truly, and we see you. We hear you. So, thank you for coming back. We have such deep love for all of you.”

“Well said, Colby.” Sam spoke, a small smile on his face as he glanced towards his colleague.

Wow.

Sam was a charismatic blonde, rocking clear circular glasses and a charming smile. He wore black suit trousers, tight-fitting to his lower half, showing off every muscle in his legs. He wore a striped, black-and-white shirt, a few buttons undone at the top, paired with black dress shoes and a glistening golden leaf crown.

Colby on the other hand wore the same black dress trousers and shoes, but an all black shirt, similarly with a few buttons undone. He wore a golden chain loosely around his neck, and the same golden leaf crown upon his brunette locks.

But, what stood out to me the most, was their piercing blue eyes that managed to land on me at the same time. They glared into my soul so deeply my breathing quickened, my eyes never leaving their gaze as they fixated on me. To them, I was fresh meat, someone for them to corrupt and take over. Perfect.

“I’d like to start with a simple prayer.” Colby announced, his voice alluring as he spoke, I was almost under his spell until the words that left the others mouths pulled me out of it.

“I love Master Golbach and Master Brock, and I am thankful for their generosity, rehabilitation and uttermost love always. Amen.” They all changed in unison, their voices identical as they spoke. Their voices rattled through me horribly as I furrowed my eyebrows in shock.

Sam and Colby stood on the stage, smirking at the voices of their followers rang throughout the room. They were indulging in their kingdom of fans all worshipping them like a God. Their faces so smug as they listened them reveal their uttermost adoration for them.

Chills rocked down my spine as I glanced at Katrina next to me staring up at Sam and Colby practically crying at just their faces. She looked so in-love, her eyes glossy and her lip quivering as she watched them. Glancing around the room, I noticed everybody else acting the same, all gazing at the two males on the stage, transfixed by their presence alone.

“Thank you, all.” Colby smiled, his hands clasping together in a prayer action, “And I have noticed we have a new member of our group.” He added, his and Colby’s eyes landing on you.

“Katrina, care to introduce us?” Sam spoke.

Katrina’s cheeks flushed red as he spoke to her, her chest heaving heavily as she gathered herself to speak, “Oh, uhm, yes, this is my friend, Y/N.”

“Hello, Y/N, lovely to meet you.” Colby smirked, his eyes burning into yours.

“And lovely to have you join our group.” Sam added, matching Colby’s expression.

“Hi, nice to meet you, too.” I mumbled, cautiously, “But, I’m not joining, I’m just visiting with Katrina.”

“We’ll see about that.” Sam chuckled, erupting laughter throughout the room, causing me to jump in surprise, “In other news, unfortunately, we will not be here to perform our service next Wednesday as per usual.”

An eruption of disagreement and annoyance flowed throughout the room as the news hit their ears, “Now, now. Let’s calm down.” Colby shushed them, “The service will be on Friday instead, Sam and I have some important business to attend to. We are deeply sorry about this, but that’s the arrangement for next week.”

As murmurs echoed throughout the room, Katrina turned to me, “I heard they’re going to recruit people out in Vegas!” She exclaimed in a whisper, leaning in to tell me.

“Why Vegas?” I asked.

Shrugging, Katrina shook her head, “I don’t know, but we have to go and follow them.”

“Kat, that’s classed as stalking, you know?”

“I don’t care. They probably get it all the time, plus we can go and have a good time.” She suggested. Finally a good idea that’s not fucked up.

“I don’t know, Kat, it’s a bit strange.” I disagreed, shooting her an unsure look.

“It’ll be fine.” She disregarded my concerns, turning back round to face the boys as they started speaking once again.

“Now, I want all of your to put your hands together and pray for something you wish to have, or be. It can be anything, big or small. We never disappoint, anything you fully wish for—we can make happen.” Sam promised, his voice was so convincing no wonder so many people believed him.

As the crowd closed their eyes and prayed silently, my eyes remained open as I watched in confusion at their obedience. Looking back up at the stage, shock rang through me as I’m met with their brooding stares.

Colby’s hand reached into the air as he beckoned me over to them, not saying a word. Feeling unsure, I didn’t move—too uncertain of what may happen to me if I obeyed his orders.

“Come, Y/N.” Sam’s voice was barely above a whisper, how the others didn’t hear him I didn’t know, but his persuasive voice caused me to rise from my seat.

Walking onto the stage to engage with them, my hands shook by my sides as I approached them, “Follow us.” Colby commanded, his voice deep and raspy.

Taking one last look towards the silent crowd, my eyes landed on an extremely frozen Katrina, “Don’t fret. They won’t notice your absence.”

“How?” I muttered.

“That’s for us to know.” Sam replied, peering back at me to grin cheekily.

They moved behind the curtain and through a back door, leading to a long, wide corridor filled with religious paintings and drawings. The lighting was dim and I could barely see my hands in front of me, sparking a slight tingle of nervousness in my stomach.

Sam and Colby didn’t speak as we walked along the gloomy corridor, eliciting more anxiety inside of me. Until, after a few minutes of walking, they stopped outside a large wooden door with a golden handle hanging down from the middle of the door. Engravings of verses from the Bible showed themselves barely visible in the dim lighting on the door.

Colby retrieved a large golden key from his pocket, and fiddled around with the lock for a few moments, before a loud click was heard. Colby pushed open the door, an unpleasant sound of creaking could be heard as it did so.

“This is our study.” Colby spoke, “Nobody is allowed back here, not even our most favourited guests.”

“So, count yourself lucky.” Sam chimed in as they both walked around in front of me.

The room was spacious yet cluttered—which confused me. It was bigger in size, but two desks full of papers and pens laid in the middle of room. My heels clicked against the cobblestone floor as I approached the boys, who placed themselves comfortably on the edges of their desks.

“Do you know why you’re here, Y/N?” Colby pondered, his eyes boaring into mine.

“You brought me back here.” I sassed, crossing my arms.

Colby chuckled loudly, “Beautiful but witty. I like it.” His compliment sent chills down my spine as he continued to watch me like a hawk.

“What Colby means, Y/N,” Sam speaks, catching my attention, ��Is why did you join Katrina this morning?”

I stayed silent for a moment as I thought on my answer, “I was intrigued.”

“About what?”

“About how you’ve got my friend under some sort of love-sick spell. I wanted to know what’s making her so enthusiastic about life.” I answered, shrugging my shoulders slightly.

Sam smiled as he spoke, “We provide a sanctuary of happiness and tranquilit—.”

“Yeah, I know, as you’ve both said a thousand times.” I interrupted, not interested in their speech.

Sam’s face changed after I uttered my opinion, “Hm.”

Furrowing my eyebrows in confusion at his reaction, I glanced towards Colby who wore a smug smirk on his face as he watched me. What was going on?

“We’re making sure you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into, Y/N.” Colby uttered.

Fuck off, could they read minds?

“When we want to.” Sam spoke up, a smile back on his face.

Well, I think this whole operation is just a cover up for your cult and you’ve brain-washed my friend.

The boys laughed profusely as I stood, confused, in front of them, “And what gives you that impression, Y/N.” Sam giggled.

Words failed me as I looked between them, not knowing what to say. My cheeks burnt red slightly as their brooding stare sparked nerves in my stomach once again.

“Exactly.” Colby smiled, standing and walking slowly towards me. His hands reached up to touch my chin, his delicate fingers grasping my face in a soft clutch, “And yet you still joined us today, Y/N. Why not report us to the police? Or stop Katrina from seeing us?” Moving my face gently to cause our eyes to connect, my heart skipped a beat as his gorgeous, ocean, blue eyes met mine.

“Because curiosity got the better of you, didn’t it, Y/N?” Sam’s whispered voice echoed throughout my body from behind me, causing me to jump in fright.

Sam’s warm hands rubbed up and down my arms as he pressed his chest against my back, “You just couldn’t help yourself, could you, love?” Colby whispered, shaking his head.

“No.” I mumbled, my voice weak and shaky as my eyes never left Colby’s.

“Good girl.” Sam’s soft voice rang deeply inside me as his lips pressed against my ear, “So obedient already.”

“Isn’t she just, Sam.” Colby agreed, his hand sliding up to cup my cheek, “Do you think we should initiate her?”

“I think we should indeed, Colby.”

Sam slithered from behind me to around the front of his desk, gathering a few pieces of paper as Colby walked me to the other side of the room where an elongated, velvet, red couch sat.

“Sit.” Colby demanded, his voice firmer than before. I did as I was told.

Sam soon joined us, a smug smile still resting on his face as he handed Colby a piece of parchment, with writing all over it.

“Now, Y/N.” Sam started, “This initiation is not for the weak. If you wish to stop, then just tell us to stop and we will, but that means you will not be apart of our group. Do you understand?”

I wasn’t sure what had come over me, but I nodded in agreement. I had come into this not wanting to be apart of anything, only curious as to what Katrina was so infatuated with. But, now I was becoming just like her.

“We need words, baby.” Colby ordered, his eyes darkening.

“Yes, I understand.”

Sam nodded slowly, “Good. Colby, you begin.”

Colby took a look down at his paper and then back down at me, “With the power that’s blessed within me and Samuel Golbach, I wish to initiate Y/N into our group.” Colby stated, his voice deep and intimidating.

“There are five steps to the initiation.” Sam told me, “Starting with number one.”

“Take off your clothes.” Colby commanded.

“Excuse me?” I snapped, feeling violated by his words. Surely this wasn’t apart of the initiation?

“Do as your told.” Colby’s dark voice rattled through me as I rose from my seat to undress myself. For some reason, I wanted to oblige and do as he said, I didn’t know why—but my mind wouldn’t let me stop.

I started with my coat, slipping the fur coat off my shoulders and arms and onto the arm of the couch. Then, I slowly and teasingly slid my silk dress off my body, revealing my laced lingerie. Sitting down, I huffed from embarrassment as their eyes gaped at me intensely.

“And the rest of it.” Sam instructed, his voice as brooding as Colby’s.

I flushed red as I reached behind me to un-do my bra, letting it fall slack against my chest as I pulled it off my arms, revealing my perky breasts. My embarrassment grew as I yanked my panties down my legs and onto the floor, my bare pussy on show to the two of them.

“Good.” Colby whispered as his eyes dragged along my naked body, “Keep the heels on.” My heart raced at his words.

“Now, number two.” Sam stated, “Touch yourself.”

My cheeks burned a darker shade of red as I hesitated. But, their burning stares forced my hand down in between my legs, my fingers rubbing slowly on my throbbing clit as I stared back up at them. The sudden rush of pleasure sparking a flash of confidence inside me as I let out small moans into the air, my head throwing back in excitement. I could feel their eyes on my body as I arched my back into my hand.

“Amazing, Y/N, don’t stop. Now, number three.” Sam declared, “Have sex with Colby.”

My head shot up as the words left Sam’s mouth. I watched them both in shock as they continued to smirk down at me, “Go on.” Sam beckoned.

Gulping down whatever nerves and self-consciousness I had left in my body, I approached Colby with shaking hands. He soon took control.

Colby’s hands flew to my waist as he sat me down on his now naked bottom half. When did he even take his clothes off?

“Tell me, Y/N.” Colby spoke, alluringly, as he teased my entrance with his tip, “How badly do you want to join our group?”

The words left my mouth before I could even think, “So bad, I want to more than anything.”

“Well, that’s what we like to hear.” Colby smiled, slowly pushing his length inside me, “How about I show you what perks come from joining us, hm?”

Nodding profusely, Colby fully sunk me down onto his cock, erupting a loud moan from my chest from his large member. Without giving me time to adjust to his size, Colby began mercilessly pounding into me—his relentless thrusts made my head swing back and high-pitched squeals of pleasure erupt from my throat.

Colby’s hand wrapped around the back of my head, pulling our eyes to meet, “Takin’ me so well.” He whispered, petting my hair. A whimper left my lips as his gaze flushed my cheeks.

Sam soon made himself known again, “Number 4, have sex with me.”

Sam didn’t waste anytime. Colby picked me up and turned me around, his dick still hard inside of me. The reverse cow-girl position allowed Sam to slide my mouth open and pop his hardened cock inside. A sultry moan left my mouth as Sam slid in and out of it, groaning from the pleasure.

Colby continued to buck his hips inside my dripping pussy, strings of curses and encouraging words left his mouth as he did so. Sam, who had picked up the pace, was quietly huffing and groaning as he enjoyed the wetness of my mouth.

Feeling awfully confident from their pornographic noises of ecstasy, I grabbed the base of Sam’s cock and began slowly stroking him as I licked the tip. Sam’s eyes widened from the added arousal as his head lolled back, a louder moan filling the air.

Colby leaned forward as he and Sam sped up, his voice hoarse as he whispered in my ear, “And finally, number five, cum.”

As the words left Colby’s mouth, a wave of undeniable pleasure washed over me. Even without not a single person touching my clit, a hard-hitting orgasm rushed throughout my body. I screamed in ecstasy as my clit throbbed, Sam and Colby continuing to fuck my holes.

“Oh, fuck.” Sam whined as he stilled in my mouth, shooting his warm load down my throat. Colby soon followed with a line of curses as he filled me up with his cum.

Before I could realise, a sense of uneasiness washed over me. I stood up, abruptly, Colby’s dick sliding out of me and hitting his stomach. I ignored the way Colby’s cum dribbled down my leg as I picked up my clothes. I quickly placed my clothes on and picked up my belongings before heading towards the door.

But, before I could make it very far, a harsh grip caught me, “Welcome to the cult, sweetheart.” Sam smirked, placing a kiss on my hand. Colby stood behind him with a devilish smile.

Cult?

My face dropped at his words. I was right, all along.

“You were right, babe.” Colby spoke, clearly reading my mind, “but, there’s nothing you can do now. You’ve been initiated. You’ve taken our cum so good, like such a good girl.”

“She sure did, Colby.” Sam chimed in, “So, you’re involved now, whether you like it or not.”

My chest raised and fell in fright at their words. I ignored it all as I turned around and walked straight out the door and down the hallway. My heels clicked quickly against the floor as I made my way back towards the stage and Katrina. As I gently pushed open the door to the stage, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I was met with the room full of people, still praying. Their eyes shut and hands clasped together in a prayer motion, Katrina included.

I quickly made my way down to my seat and shifted uncomfortably as Colby’s cum pooled in my panties.

My heart skipped a beat as everybody awoke from their slumber-like trance and began chatting amongst one another.

“Wow, what an amazing service.” Katrina’s voice made me jump as I turned to face her smiling expression, “Ready to go home?”

I nodded, a confused expression still evident on my face as I glanced towards the empty stage, “Where’s Sam and Colby?” I asked.

“They usually disappear when we do our prayers. They come back sometimes, to finish off, but it’s rare.” She told me, a sweet smile on her face as we walked towards the exit.

I took one more look around the room as Katrina wished her goodbyes to her friends. My eyes caught Sam and Colby stood in the doorway by the stage, smirks on their faces. I quickly looked away and grabbed Katrina’s arm, ushering her out of the church.

The next few weeks, I felt different. As if someone was watching me. I struggled to sleep and had lost my appetite. Katrina had been to a few services without me, as I refused, and every time she returned, my health declined more.

I rolled over in agony as my head pounded in pain, the four-day long migraine I had was becoming unbearable. Katrina was at a service so I still had to attend to the house and myself, all alone.

I jumped in shock when three loud knocks presented themselves against the front door. I rose slowly from the couch, groaning in annoyance. My expression soon fell into one of confusion as only a single red velvet box wrapped in gold ribbon lay on the floor.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I grabbed it off the floor and walked back inside, shutting the door. As I unwrapped and opened the box, my heart dropped at the small note inside,

The more you avoid us, the worse your health with get. And if you never return, you die. We look forward to seeing you soon, Y/N.

With love,

S & C.

-

HI BABIES!!!

i’m back for one night and one night only. this will be my final fic for you all. feel free to unfollow as i will not be returning after this fic.

yes i know this one is a little darker than most but ive had it in my drafts for ages and wanted to do something with it.

so this is my parting gift. thank you for the endless love and support, you all mean so much to me. but this is the end of my journey. thank you so so so much and i wish you all the best in life.

goodbye from clbrq :)

-

@cam1ly

@samandcolby-ownme

@paymal7

@morchilluv

@shesabimbo

@iwanttoberich420

@peachhiz

@reem6806

@ilymusic27

@nanascupid

@xosugardoll

@m-maxie-ie

@theyloveniqueeeee

@whicked-hazlatwhore

@camille-1019

@mattheoriddlemarcuslopez

[shorelinessightlines]

Jupiter is often referred to as the star that failed. Max thinks about that, sometimes, when they're racing and he's just passed Daniel on track. He can look in his rearview mirrors and see the little three on the AlphaTauri—Daniel, in a shitty car he outperforms every weekend, and Max, already set for the podium.

When Max is particularly bored, he rewatches old races from 2014, ‘16, ‘18 and thinks about it, unbidden—how if Lewis and Max simply didn't exist, it might’ve been Daniel on the top step at the very end of the season. Daniel fighting for titles and wins, not letting anyone keep the 1st place cap on their head long enough to mess up their hair. If he'd just been a little quicker, a little more ruthless; if he'd stuck around long enough for the Honda engine, the RB19. If Daniel had just been a fraction of a second better.

Then Max feels bad for ever thinking such a thing. Not because it isn’t true, but because it sounds like something his dad would say.

Jos used to buy Max magazines full of interviews by Senna, Prost, Mansell. He said they were full of stars. He laughed at Max when they got home after Zandvoort in 2011, back when Max was still in karting and Daniel was just starting out in F1, and Max had said: "I want to be just like him."

That Christmas Jos bought Max a poster of Nigel Piquet and said, "This is the type of man you should be looking up to." Max hung it up on his ceiling that night and stared at it. He had thought, privately, that if Piquet was a star then he must have been one of those small stars, the ones that you can’t really see from Earth without a telescope. Daniel was closer, brighter. Sun-like.

He tore down the poster the next morning.

Jos was right, of course, to steer Max towards more successful heroes. Jos would never point to Daniel's article in GQ Sports and tell Max he's looking at a star. Daniel smiles at him, though, on the paddock and off, and it feels like sunshine.

He tells Daniel as much during the summer break, in Daniel's Monaco apartment, tipsy off some expensive wine Max can't even pronounce the name of.

"Jupiter is a very stupid planet," Max is ranting, unreasonably pissed about it. "You know, it has ninety-five moons? The fuck does it need ninety-five moons for? Stupid." He chugs another sip of wine, straight from the bottle. Daniel does the same.

"Jupiter?" Daniel muses after he swallows, less inebriated than Max but still drunk enough to have begun sitting on the couch upside down. The top of his skull almost touches the floor. "Mate, don't diss Jupiter like that. Space gets lonely, maybe."

Max snorts. "It is a planet, Daniel, it does not get lonely. It should just have one moon, or no moons. It is not very loyal."

"It is a planet, Maximus, it cannot be loyal," Daniel says back to him, snarky, in a high-pitched voice and a bad Dutch accent.

"Is that supposed to be me?" He shoves at him, accidentally causing Daniel's head to bang against the floor. Whatever. He deserves it. "Name one good thing about Jupiter."

Daniel shrugs as best as he can. "Biggest planet in our solar system or whatever the fuck. Why are we talking about Jupiter again?"

"Because it is awful, and my dad is not correct." Daniel laughs, at that.

"What? Does your dad, like, love Jupiter or something?"

Max points, accusatory. "See, that is exactly the point! He does not love Jupiter! In fact, he is awful about Jupiter!"

Max can almost see the gears in Daniel's head grind together slowly. "Then why are you dissing Jupiter?"

Max groans. His thoughts make less and less sense the more he goes on. "I am not, of course, dissing Jupiter. I am simply pointing out the fact that Jupiter is not a star and you, obviously, are a star." He's getting lost in his own, brilliant analogy.

Daniel says, "Oh yeah, Maxy?" He has his stupid smile on, the one that Max knows means he thinks Max is crazy but will indulge him anyway. "Well it's very nice that you think so."

"Of course I think so," Max scoffs, perfectly serious. He hates that he can't really look Daniel in the eye, sitting right-side-up. He opts to sit like Daniel, head towards the floor and legs slung over the back of the couch, so he can stare directly at him. "I am being serious."

"Well, I'm serious about that Jupiter shit. Best planet ever. Number one Jupiter defender, right here," Daniel slurs, pointing at himself and flashing his brilliant, sun-warm smile.

Max can't help but smile too.

"You are very stupid," he says, and it sounds like something else. "I am trying to tell you that I think you—you." He flushes, cutting himself off and looking away from Daniel, up towards the ceiling.

"Ah, whatever Maxy. You just can't accept Jupiter's superiority."

Max tries one last time, to make him understand. "Jupiter is called the star that failed," he says, trying to prove something.

Daniel is looking at him, he can feel it. His stare burns a hole in the side of Max's head. "I'm okay with that," he says, suddenly very very soft. "Jupiter's the biggest planet in the solar system. He's got a whole ninety-five moons."

"But he is not a star," Max scowls.

Daniel smiles again, smaller. Kinder. "He gets to orbit a star. He gets to be the biggest planet, and orbit a fucking star, the best star in the universe. That's a pretty sweet deal if you ask me."

Max shakes his head and says, "You are unbelievable." He reaches over to grab Daniel's stupid face and kiss him, and promptly falls off the couch.

[harmoonix]

Cupid's Astrology Notes

┍━━━━╝✹╚━━━━┑

💘Special Post for Valentine's Day 💘

💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

!!Long Post because this post was so interesting to make 😍😍😍😍!!

💘 Libra Placements have a very high fashion style, they look amazing 24/7 no one can beat them at dressing better

💘 Taurus Placements are very sensual and fiery!!! Even if they don't give this vibe when you met those natives, they just keep it hidden 💕 (Honorable Mentions LILITH IN TAURUS/Lilith in the 2nd house, Lilith/True Lilith at Taurus Degrees (2°,14°,26°)

💘 Pisces in big 3 (Sun, Moon or Ascendant) is an indicator for always searching that type of true love you see in movies 😍

💘 Asteroid Juno [3] in water/air signs desire a highly artistical and romantic partner they can spend their whole life with

💘 Capricorn Placements are so sensual and MISTERIOUS they are HOT 🔥🔥, their personality and character is just so 🔥🔥🔥 uuuuuuu very....HOT

💘 Venus/Juno in the 10th house might be Indicators for your relationship getting to be seen by a lot of people and also to be very admired for your relationship by other people

💘 Juno - Moon positive aspects (conjunction, sextile, trine) being emotionally connected with your partner/spouse

💘 Juno - Pluto aspects (both harsh and positive aspects can apply to this one), obsession with one other can happen very fast, you can feel very attracted deep to your partner, jealousy and possessiveness can happen too

💘 Mars in Cancer/Mars aspecting the Moon = Having breast kinks

💘 Leo/Taurus/Scorpio/Capricorn Venus love to spoil you, they like to make you feel loved and appreciated

💘 Sagittarius Venus love to experience that type of love adventures with their spouse, experimenting a lot of things together/also a lot of passion for traveling and making memories together

💘 Aries Venus/Aries Placements can love you very deep and very much, such type if people keep their partners and lovers very close to their heart they are like their special little star to eachother

💘 Aquarius Risings have that type of "unique love" you don't always find, they can love you and show you love in very different ways but to them these things are their love signs, if your partner has an aquarius Rising.... You're just very lucky 💞💞💞💞 (Longer description: They have Taurus in the 4th house so these people know how to give very much love)

💘 Virgo Venus/Virgo Placements like to dream about the "perfect date with their partners", "perfect kiss" "perfect love",. They want everything to be well planned and perfect for their dates 🤯

💘 Mars in Capricorn = Big Daddy energy, they will take care of you like you are their baby i swear to whatever you want this is one of my favorites placements and you are so lucky if your boyfriend has such placement 😍

💘 if you have Saturn in the 7th house is actually a very positive placement because your spouse will be very determined and serious and your relationship, they will love you very hard trust me this placement has a very cute positive side. This can also attract people who will get jealous your spouse/partner is so wonderful

💘 I just see people with Neptune in the 7th house thinking all day about their crush and they can't stop thinking about them because Neptune makes them to even dream their crushes 😍

💘 Mars in the 7th house 😍 positive side is that your spouse/partner will be sensual and very attractive, your spouse can break the bed with you or you with them both situation works 🤯💞, your partner can be very attracted to you and very magnetic energy around is like you two attract eachother a lot

💘 Pluto in the 7th house the relationship can go through very many transformations and healing together, but you can also be a power couple with your partner and omg be aware at people being jealous over your relationships/partner, very highly magnetism to your partner. Strong connection with them 🌺😍

💘Venus in the 7th house... Is just PERFECTION because Venus is at home in the 7th house, here the spouse and your relationship everyday life can be very lovely and happy, you can have such a strong bounding with your spouse and you can understand eachother and eachother needs just by looking in your spouse/partner eyes you can see they want you 💞🌺

💘 Mercury in the 7th house is one of my favorites 🥺 the connection you have with your spouse is gonna be IREAL and MAGICAL, the bounding you gonna have is gonna be amazing you will know how to communicate freely with them and believe me besties this is the best placement to have in the synastry/composite chart, your spouse can be that type of person you can talk every single thing, every detail, they can be the type of person to listen to you the whole night..OMG IS JUST... I wish i had this placement 🥺💞...Your spouse is the person who can make your day better just by their smile and hearing their voice is EVERYTHING... They can spoil you and give you so many compliments 😍😍😍 I ADORE YOU ALL WHO HAVE THIS PLACEMENT I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU ARE VERY LUCKY i can talk hours about this placement and i don't even have it in my chart but i absolutely adore it 😍💞 THIS PLACEMENT IS JUST HEAVEN

💞💘💞💘💞💘💞💘💞💘💞💘💞💘💞💘💞💘

Happy Valentines to everyone!!! Even if you are single or taken is such a lovely and great day!💘💞💞

!And for everyone who didn't find their loved ones yet, our time will come and we will met our soulmates at some point and never lose your hope💘💞!

©harmoonix2023

[sgt-seabass]

𝒂 𝒕𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒘𝒂𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒔

✧˚ · . a collaboration between @navybrat817 and sgt-seabass

Is this the way it's got to be? Ignite the fire inside of me. Embrace the life of tragedy. A tide of war and broken dreams. (x)

pairing — bucky barnes x reader w/c — 6.3k this is a dark fic. 18+ only. listening to —♫3 am walk

warnings — bucky barnes is a sweetheart, implied (consensual) smut, kidnapping, assault, violence against reader, mention of bodily injury, stabbing, knives, blood, bad guys being cunts, hydra exists, degradation, threat of non-con, whump, threat of violence against an animal (but the animal is not touched or harmed), death threats a/n — after months of brainstorming and writing together with Navy, this has finally been born. this piece is part of a larger AU we made together, so watch this space for more in the future.

Waking up next to Bucky was the easiest thing you ever did, because that was your happiest dream come true.

Even when his alarm blared before the sun had even considered rising, in the early hours when birds were still in their slumber, and the moon lit the bedroom with its ethereal glow, you would still give everything to wake up to the sleepy smile of your boyfriend.

You went to bed thinking of him as he ran his fingers down your back, helping ease you into a restful sleep, and you woke thinking of him as he tried to cover your eyes from his lit-up phone.

You both groaned, begging the stars for more time in bed. But as the incessant beeping filled the room, neither of you would get back to sleep soon.

Bucky was an Avenger. And that meant he had to go save the world. But that didn’t make it any easier when he had to leave for missions.

As Bucky leaned over to turn his phone off, you wrapped your arms around him, spooning him with your chin on his shoulder. “You could just stay home.”

Something in your gut was calling to you, warning you that he needed to stay home. It made you fearful. What if he got hurt?

In hindsight, it was you who needed the protection.

Bucky sighed, turning off the annoying buzzing of his phone. “You know I want to. But I can’t. Duty calls, sweetheart.”

God, you’d never get sick of the gravelly twinge to his voice in the mornings.

“Steve and Sam need backup,” he yawned, rolling over so he could cradle your head to his firm chest as he lay on his back, allowing you to smell the fading scent of his cologne.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine on their own,” you smiled, placing a kiss on his pec. Bucky’s habit of sleeping in only boxers always had you wanting to kiss him all over. Covering him in your affections was always tempting, even when he got shy, especially around his scarred shoulder.

“Baby, stop it,” Bucky almost whined, like a toddler tempted with treats. “Please don’t make this harder for me.”

“Sorry,” you placated, that nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach not easing as your eyes adjusted to the dark room.

Outside, you could hear the occasional car and pedestrian. But for the most part, Brooklyn was asleep. It was a peaceful silence between you, enjoying each other’s touch while it began drizzling rain outside.

“Well, it’s raining. Now you’ll just have to stay home.” You cheekily nipped at Bucky’s side before shuffling up to kiss his stubbled cheek.

“Is that so?” Bucky chuckled, eyes crinkling in your favourite show of joy.

“Mhm. No missions on rainy days,” you said matter-of-factly with a serious look on your face, a look you couldn’t hold when Bucky tickled your sides. You burst into giggles, gasping softly when Bucky rolled you under him so he towered over you, your body caged between his bulky arms.

“That’s too bad. I thought you were going to have a fun day with Natalia.” Bucky’s hair fell forward and covered some of his face. But there was no missing his twinkling blue eyes, reflecting the lights outside in his orbs. “Weren’t you going to have a girls movie night?”

“Yes, but I’d rather you join us.” Your hands ran up his sides, feeling rippled muscle until you reached his neck and jaw. His stubble pricked at your fingers as you cupped his face.

“I don’t want to be the third wheel. What are you ‘gonna watch?” As he spoke, Bucky began placing gentle kisses on your cheek that trailed down your collarbone.

“Cruel Intentions,” you muttered, revelling in the feeling of his plush lips against your skin.

“You’ve shown me that one,” Bucky murmured against your neck. “That’s the one with the lesbian kissing scene, right?”

You rolled your eyes with mock offence. “Of course that’s the bit you remember. And it’s not just any kissing scene. It’s the legendary kiss between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair.”

Bucky pulled himself back up, raising his brows and trying, and failing, to hide his smirk. “Sorry, how could I forget.” His tongue darted out to wet his lips. “Let me see if I remember correctly. It goes like this, right?”

Your heart was ready to burst out of your chest when Bucky’s lips met yours. Morning breath be damned; there was simply nothing better than kissing Bucky Barnes.

He licked across your bottom lip before you opened your mouth to let him in. “Bucky…” You moaned, your tongues sliding together like a choreographed ballroom dance.

Your hands held his scruffy jaw while his hands, one cold and one warm, held your waist. You could always tell when he was getting aroused by the way he’d lose some motor control of his silver arm, the hand twitching and metal plates shifting.

In hindsight, you’d miss the way he’d hold you the most.

Bucky slowly pulled away, his metal hand rising so his thumb could brush over your spittle-smeared lips. “Something like that, right?”

“Yeah.” You breathed out before taking the digit into your mouth.

Even though he couldn’t feel it, you could see how Bucky’s pupils dilated as he watched you suck.

His metal arm had been used for so much evil. But you always wanted to remind him of who he was. Your lover, your best friend. Your everything. Just like you were to him.

You weren’t afraid, and you embraced every part of him. While many cowered away from the man with the metal arm, you gravitated towards him, as if your heart was connected to him with impenetrable strings of fate.

“God, I love you.” Bucky’s metal hand cupped your cheek, his breath hitching for a moment as he gazed at you, as if so full of emotion his words were caught in his throat.

You placed your palm over his hand, snuggling into the cold metal like it was a warm hug. “I love you too, Bucky baby.”

An embarrassed flush spread over Bucky’s cheeks as it always did when you spoke to him sweetly. He might have been a soldier, but he was still a soft romantic at heart.

With the pitter-patter of rain against the window, the room no more than illuminated shadows, you were entirely enraptured by Bucky. You both stayed silent, just soaking in the moment as sparks flew. Even though you’d been together for two years, the chemistry was still like the first day you met. The first time you kissed. The first day you fucked.

The world around you was dark, yet you weren’t scared because Bucky was there.

The languid movement of Bucky’s lips to yours was tender, a familiar movement that he’d done so many times before. Feathery light, yet full of heat, he brushed his lips over yours. “I wish you could come with me.”

“I could stay in the jet.” You offered with sincerity. But that part of Bucky’s world wasn’t for you, you both knew that. You were no agent, a mere civilian with a super soldier boyfriend. But something told you that’s what drew Bucky to you, your normalcy. You gave him a chance at a life that had been stolen from him for so many years.

“I wouldn’t forgive myself if you got hurt. You’re safer here.”

In hindsight, he was very wrong.

Bucky captured your lips again, caressing and lingering in a way that had your heart fluttering and cheeks burning.

You tangled your hands into his locks, deepening the kiss. If he was going, you needed every moment you could get.

Bucky gripped your chin with his flesh hand, opening your mouth for him.

The sweetness turned sultry, and before long, Bucky was grinding himself against your pyjama-covered core.

Words couldn’t describe the desire that was awash in the room. Two lovers revelling in a happiness that was so rare, as if a million I love you’s were condensed into a single moment. No poet could describe this connection or the way it made you feel.

With Bucky’s embrace, you were home.

Bucky slowly trailed kisses down your neck, chest and stomach until he reached your pulsing pussy.

“I better tire you out before I go.” He smirked, cheeky as ever.

And tire you out, he did.

It wasn’t about his pleasure in that moment. He solely focused on you.

The way he moved his tongue, the way he pulled you apart, it was damn near artistic.

Steve may have been a painter, but Bucky was an artist in the act of love.

In hindsight, you should have cherished this moment more. Because it was the last happiness you would feel for some time.

The unease in your stomach began to grow in intensity as time passed, and by the time Bucky pulled himself away to get ready and leave, there were unexplainable chills wracking through you.

Bucky had done a thousand missions in your time together and had come home safe each time. Steve knew you’d likely kill him if something happened to Bucky. So why was this time different?

It was like your soul was trying to reach out and tell you something. But it must have been speaking another language, because you didn’t understand what was wrong.

You made the most of your fleeting time with Bucky before he left. He changed into his workout gear so he could kit up at the compound where most of the Avengers still resided, and Bucky had once lived. He didn’t leave many weapons in the home; you preferred it that way. The only one you knew of was the knife hidden under the couch, but you were sure there were other blades around.

Bucky had never told you why he didn’t live at the compound anymore, but Nat had hinted at tension between Bucky and Tony. You’d found it odd, given that Tony had been friendly to you each time you’d visited the compound.

But it wasn’t your business and didn’t matter to you anyway. You were content living with Bucky in your cosy apartment. There was more than enough space for both you and your fur child Alpine, plus a second bedroom for when Steve stayed over.

You snuggled into the duvet when Bucky left to make you a cup of tea before he headed off, and seeing as there was now a free spot, Alpine entered from the main area and took her chance to cosy up next to you. You pet the long-haired white cat as you waited, listening to her soft purrs to help ground you.

And when Bucky returned, you felt rather teary, your vision blurring as your emotions almost got the better of you. “Stay safe, please.”

Bucky set your earl grey down on the coaster on your bedside table before his concerned gaze turned to you. “I’ll be just fine. I’ll have my phone on me the whole time.”

“Is the mission dangerous?” You couldn’t help but ask. But you always got the same answer.

“I can’t talk about it, baby. But I’ll be okay. I promise,” Bucky reassured you with a kiss on your forehead. “You and Alpine better hold down the fort for me, okay?”

“Yeah. We’re going to get up to lots of mischief,” you smiled the best you could, holding Bucky’s hand.

“That’s my girls.” Bucky gave Alpine a little scratch under her chin before doing the same to you. “I’ll be back before you know it. Now get some more sleep, soldier’s orders.”

“Yes, sergeant,” you mock saluted before Bucky kissed you and pulled away.

“I love you, doll,” Bucky called from the doorway, as if taking his chance to imprint the sight of you into his mind.

In hindsight, he should have looked a lot longer.

“I love you too,” you gave Bucky a little wave. Alpine meowed in her own show of affection.

And like that, he was gone; The final sound from him was the closing of the front door behind him.

You turned the television on for some white noise while you sipped at your tea before you did as you were told, allowing the talking of some trash reality show to become background noise as you fell back asleep. As you dozed off, you couldn’t help but notice one side of the bed a lot colder than when you first had awoken.

For the second time that day, you woke up. This time, the sunlight beamed through the open curtains, since Bucky loved being woken by the sun warming his skin. He hated being cold.

Next to you lay a napping Alpine, her fluffy body rising and falling slowly with each deep breath. You placed a hand on her side, smiling at the little yip that came from her in surprise. She rolled onto her back, deep blue eyes watching you as you gaily scritched her belly.

She took the chance to latch onto your hand, playfully holding onto your wrist while her feet kicked and teeth ran across your skin.

“Hey, silly goose. Let me go.” Your chastisement was light and playful. While you’d prefer waking up next to Bucky, Alpine was a good replacement on the lonely days. She was your family, just like Bucky.

When Alpine rolled back over with a tired huff, you decided to leave her to slumber. As much as you wanted to annoy her more, you didn’t want to push your luck and end up with a pissed off kitty. She was moody, just like her dad.

You slinked out of bed, taking a moment to stretch when your feet hit the cold floorboards. With a yawn, you looked around the room. You should really get a rug, but Bucky liked lying on the floors when he found the bed too soft. On those nights, you’d join him, even if it left your back stiff and sore.

Padded steps took you to the kitchen, your body on autopilot as you got Alpine’s food ready for when she got up. It was the same routine as every morning. Feed the cat, shower, and check your emails for new commissions.

In hindsight, you should have been paying more attention.

You hummed as you made your way to the bathroom, connecting your phone to the Bluetooth speakers so you could play some music while you tried to relax. Your mind would run without the interruption of songs. And you didn’t want to start thinking about work before you’d had a chance to breathe.

In hindsight, you shouldn’t have put the music so loud.

It was a luxury working from home, getting to pick your own hours. You had felt a little guilty when Bucky first proposed the idea of you quitting your crappy retail job to follow your dream of graphic design, as he could bare the brunt of the expenses.

But now you were flourishing; you were just grateful for his support. There were peaks and troughs like any job, but your heart was content sitting in your shared apartment, designing things that made the world a brighter place.

You turned the shower on, bopping along to your music as you shed yourself of your pyjamas and got into the tiled shower. You could have a bath, but you preferred to save those moments for when Bucky could join you.

The hot water made you hiss at first before your body acclimatised, skin heating up as the stream washed over you.

You faced the wall, resting your head on the tile as the spray rushed down your back.

In hindsight, you should have turned around.

The consequence of your various decisions throughout the morning came to a startling precipice.

With no idea of your surroundings, you were surprised when someone looped their arms under your armpits and over your shoulders, hauling you backwards.

You didn’t even scream for a moment, your brain unable to catch up before the adrenaline kicked in full force.

The assailant didn’t speak, which almost made it worse, as he started to walk backwards with your back to his chest, arms locked over your front. More than ever, you really wished you’d taken Bucky up on those self-defence classes.

“Thanks, Buck. But I’ll never use them.”

“I just want to keep you safe.”

“I am safe. My boyfriend is an Avenger, remember?”

Fight or flight kicked in, and your screaming started. You kicked your feet up and planted your soles on the cold tiled wall. With all your strength, you pushed back like a springboard, sending you and your attacker hurtling backwards.

He let go as he fell, and while he fell through one glass pane of the shower, you fell through another. The force had the glass shattering, sending thousands of shards all over the room.

You scrunched your eyes closed, wailing when you stepped in the broken glass, pain shooting through you when the shards buried themselves into the soles of your feet. But a second attacker caught you before your body hit the sharp ground. The piercing pain in your feet barely registered with how your body buzzed. Blood began to cover the floor, your essence coating the tiles a sickly red.

Your eyes shot open to see who caught you. A dirty blonde with a youthful grin. The man who had grabbed you first, another blonde with bright blue eyes and a scowl, had caught himself against the double sink.

Time froze for a moment when you looked at the door. There was another man with dark brown hair and an ominous expression, his features dark like his intent. Three men. You had no idea if more waited outside the door, but anything would be better than being stuck in this room.

“Nice catch, Damien,” the dark-haired man grinned.

“Yeah, no problem, Mads,” the man holding you spoke, chuckling like he wasn’t holding a hostage in his grip. “Not like Kage was any help.”

With them distracted, you bolted for the bathroom door, ignoring the way your feet tore with each step.

“Maddox! Grab her!” The man against the counter, Kage, yelled. Pushing himself off the marble to follow you.

You managed to duck under Maddox’s arms and stumbled into the kitchen. Your blood was already pooling on the ground with each step you took, like red footprints in the snow.

A meow caught your attention; Alpine stood in the bedroom doorway, her tail straight and her ears back against her head, the anxiety clear.

“Alpine! Hide under the bed,” you hissed, knowing you only had seconds before the unknown men came after you. If you were to die, there was no way you’d let them get Alpine too. Alpine stared at you momentarily, but as the tears welled in your eyes, she rushed off, perhaps understanding the weight of your command. This wasn’t belly scratches and joking around anymore.

You rushed for the knife block on the kitchen counter, but a hand on the back of your neck stopped you before you could reach it. “Nice try, bitch.”

Maddox gripped your neck and shoulders before he threw you over the kitchen counter, sending you rolling over and onto the bar stools that sat neatly on the other side. You tumbled to the ground, groaning instantly at the pain of the wood hitting you from multiple angles during your descent.

The trajectory sent you towards the dining table, and with Kage and Damien coming in close, you shot up and grabbed one of the dining chairs. You held it out like a weapon, with the legs facing outwards. Your breaths came out in short pants as tears trickled down your cheeks, while a shard of wood from the stool stuck out of your side. “What do you want? I don’t have any money, please.”

“Are you dumb enough to think we’re here for money?” Damien goaded, slowly closing in the distance between you two.

Maddox jumped the counter and landed behind you, boxing you in. With a scream, you threw the chair at Damien and attempted to flee under the dining table.

You squealed when Maddox grabbed your ankle, his grip harsh. You turned to look back at him, before you kicked him in the face with your free leg. He groaned in pain, and you didn’t check to see how bad you’d hurt him before you crawled out to the other side of the table.

Kage had been waiting for you, and when you reached him, he dealt a sharp kick to your side. The pain winded you, your mouth ajar with a shocked gasp before he kicked your ribs again.

You rolled onto your back, watching as Kage considered you from above. The way he looked at you – the malice. They were going to kill you. A woman could always sense the imposing threat that men had, for it was simply the female experience to be at the mercy of those who wanted to harm you.

You should have stopped Bucky from going – should have trusted your gut. Although, if these men wanted you dead, then there would only have been so much Bucky could do. He was a victim as much as you in the world of unfairness. A man out of time. A man who just wanted a semblance of normalcy.

It was mournful that his one good thing was becoming marred with the violence he had become so used to.

“I don’t want to die,” you wept under the man, pulling the wooden stake from your side with a cry of pain. "Please."

Turning over, you dragged your bloodied body towards your desk. The same desk you spent most of your days on. Your computer and sketchbooks were filled with hopes and dreams, colour and beautiful chaos.

Your ichor-covered hand grabbed onto the side, using it like a crutch to stand up. You couldn’t stop fighting. If you were going to perish, you’d go out swinging.

“You’re still trying? It’s pathetic. You can barely stand,” Kage growled as Damien and Maddox began wreaking havoc behind him. They were smashing and destroying everything in sight, demolishing the world you and Bucky had built with love and a cherishing touch.

“F.. Fuck you,” you weakly spat, legs burning with the need to sit down.

Kage snapped, grabbing you and dragging you across the desk. Your computer smashed onto the ground, along with all your notebooks and stationery. He threw you down on top of the mangled computer, allowing the glass of your screen to stick into your back. In a way, it wasn’t a new sensation anymore. The sharp piercing of your feet had dulled your body to the point where the new pain was no more than a sudden spike that turned into a dull ache.

“You think you’re special? You’re nothing. Not even worth expending energy on.” Kage left your side, and your sightline moved to the couch.

Bucky kept a knife under it.

Trying to not show your intention, you used your arms to pull yourself along the hardwoods towards the couch, while Maddox closed in and kept tapping your bare ass with the toe of his boot.

“I wonder what he likes about you,” Maddox considered. “Are you that good a fuck? Do you cook him meals just like the old days, huh? ‘Cause to me, you just seem like a puny helpless girl. There’s no fun in killing someone who might as well be already dead.”

His taunts made your blood boil, and when you reached the corner of the couch, you turned onto your back, facing the assailant. “Go fuck yourself. You don’t know anything.”

“Ah, see there’s a little fire. I like it when they fight back.” Maddox dropped to his knees, one on either side of your thighs so you were boxed in. “I want to watch the light drain from your eyes, see all that hope just whittle away to nothing. Because, like Kage said, you are nothing.”

He moved in closer, to the point where you could smell the stale whisky on his breath. “I wonder what body part your boyfriend will find first. Maybe I’ll put your head under the bed with your fucking cat. What do you think? Are you ready to die?”

You let out an almighty scream when you reached and grabbed the knife, pulling it out and slashing Maddox across the arm before he could react.

He was a lot faster than you, however, and the moment you got a hit in on him he jumped back, eyes turning a lot darker. “Oh, you’re fucking stupid.” He growled, before he quickly overpowered you.

In a struggle, you screamed and thrashed, but by bearing his weight onto you, Maddox could manoeuvre you. He picked you up, before slamming you back down onto the hardwood floors. Your head snapped back from the force, whacking against the ground with a loud crack. 

Everything went black for a moment, and by the time your vision came back, Maddox was squatting over you with the sole of his boot stepping on your wrist, the knife still in your grip.

“You really don’t know when to stop, huh? Can’t you see you’re going to lose no matter what you do?” Maddox’s boot pressed harder, and your wrist creaked uncomfortably under the pressure.

You let go of the knife just before your bones would reach the point of snapping, the metal clattering to the ground. Despite the tears in your eyes and the fear in your heart, you were thankful for the life you had. If this were to be the end of your existence, you were okay with that. Bucky had given you a life worth of love in the short two years you’d known him. 

As you watched the sharp eyes of the man above you, you thought of Bucky. You hoped this loss would not destroy him. The life you had experienced together would not change; those happy memories of laughter and smiles still there. You hoped he would not cry for you, but feel a blossoming love at the thought of you. Death wouldn’t have you becoming a ghost of a forgotten past, but a memory to be cherished in Bucky’s future. And you would be waiting for him on the other side, should he be expecting to see you there after his inevitable demise. You would be just around the corner, waiting like nothing had ever been lost. These men could try and take your body, but they would not take your soul. That belonged to the man thousands of miles away saving the world. “I’m not going to lose. I’ve already won.”

“Yeah? Does this feel like winning?” Maddox sneered before he picked up the blade and plunged the knife into your shoulder, the white-hot pain splintering through you like the broken glass of your shower. Your mouth opened into a silent, broken scream, the anguish unlike anything you’d felt before.

This was just a fraction of what Bucky had felt in his lifetime, yet this felt like the whole world was collapsing in on you, your body broken. Perhaps these men were right - maybe you were weak. Because the knife in your shoulder was enough to break you. Would Bucky be disappointed? Would he expect you to have put up more of a fight? The logical response would be no. But the blade slicing through your muscles made it hard to think straight.

Maddox slapped your cheek and twisted the blade. “I asked you a question, little bitch. Does this feel like you’re winning?”

Your choked cries painfully shook your shoulders, and despite it all, you nodded. “Yes. I’ve already won and you can’t take that from me.”

“Stupid fucking whore, listen to this slut. She really thinks she’s worth something.” Damien called out from behind Maddox, looking at you from over his shoulder. Kage joined the commotion, gazing at the knife lodged in your shoulder.

Without compassion, Maddox ripped the knife from your shoulder, your palms raising to try to press on the open wound. There was no reprieve with these men, however. Maddox grabbed your shoulders, ignoring your yelps and wails while he threw you over the back of the couch.

Your front dropped onto the sofa, while your ass stuck in the air on the stiff back of the couch. The fear that roiled inside you turned tenfold as Kage came up behind you, pressing on your lower back so your hips pressed painfully into the couch frame. Damien and Maddox came around your front, their crotches scarily close to your face.

“You know what we can take from you, though? Your dignity.” Kage’s hands moved from your back to the globes of your ass. “I could fuck you right here, and there’s nothing you could do about it.”

If the humiliation of being naked wasn’t enough, having the intruders touch you like this was an indignity that would change you forever. A small part of your golden soul blackened, and you didn’t know if it could ever be saved.

Damien gripped your chin, forcing you to look up at the two men. “And we could fuck that mouth of yours. Maybe even pull a few teeth if you dared fight.”

“I bet you’d love it. After all, you have to be all kinds of fucked up to fuck the Winter Soldier,” Kage said as his fingers moved to feel across your thighs.

“Don’t you dare speak about him like that. He’s more of a man than you three put together.” The mere mention of Bucky had your anger returning. You let out a huffed breath before you used the last of your depleting strength to lift your legs and kick Kage in the stomach. He didn’t move, body like a stone statue, but the movement pushed you over the couch and onto the living room floor. The plushness of the cushions did little to soften your fall, a whimpered breath coming from your tired body.

You were just so tired. The more blood you lost, the harder it was to keep going. As your ichor stained the rug below you, you glanced to the blackened television.

“Bucky, what are you doing on the floor? And is that all the stuff from the bed?”

“We’re having a pillow fort movie night. The popcorn is in the microwave.”

“It’s going to be a pain to put the bed back together, you know.”

“Then we’ll just have to sleep here. Don’t worry, I’m sure we can break it in. It’s one new surface I haven’t fucked you on yet.”

No. You couldn’t give up. You owed Bucky your best fight. You had no doubt he would do the same for you.

The assailants closed in again, the same dark-haired asshole taunting you with his menacing grin.

“Fuck you,” you spat, seeing red when he tried to grab you.

Most of the punches you threw didn’t land, but it didn’t matter to you. Your arms were a blur as you screamed and unleashed all the fury you had.

But they just laughed at your efforts. The blood loss had clearly taken full effect with the way you moved slower than you intended, your arms weakening quickly.

“Nice try, toy.” Maddox picked you up by the shoulders before throwing you into the wooden coffee table.

The thin tabletop cracked and fractured instantly, wood splintering around the dent your body left.

The pain had become immaterial, the agony reducing from a boil to a simmer as your ability to feel lessened to the point where nothing was at all. Perhaps it was your body protecting your psyche, or you were dying. Either way, it left you feeling somewhat euphoric.

"She still fighting?"

"Let her be. She isn't going anywhere."

"Dumb bitch thought she stood a chance."

Your dazed state had the men leaving you to finish trashing the house. With no immediate threat, you made your last-ditch attempt. You had to let Bucky know who killed you. You knew it would kill him to not know who attacked you.

Numbed, you took another look at the men. There was nothing too unusual about them, just their distinctive hair colours, eye colours and the symbol they all bore. You hadn’t noticed it at first, but now with your chance to inspect them, you sighted a circular insignia on the front of their black hoodies. A green… octopus?

When Damien threw a plate at you that shattered against your forearm when you raised it to defend yourself, your thoughts were cut off. The porcelain dropped around you, and you picked up one of the pieces. On it was a little drawing of a cat. You and Bucky had done a pottery art class and came home with a few plates. You picked up a second piece, a sob bubbling from your throat when you looked at the two fragments together. A little Alpine that you had drawn, and a little bird that Bucky had drawn with red wings.

You let the remnants of the plate drop to the ground, the once beautiful creation covered with your blood. They really were destroying everything. As Damien continued to vandalise the kitchen, Maddox and Damien tore apart your boxes of photos.

Even with the horror of having your life stripped away, you struggled to look away. You saw the green octopus again, and something in the back of your mind was trying to get out – to tell you what it meant.

The emblem was so familiar, and you turned onto your stomach as you thought. Pulling yourself to a free patch of hardwood flooring, you began writing out the word ‘blonde’ with your blood, trying to give Bucky anything you could.

Kage stopped you after the first word, and it was like there was cotton wool in your ears as he pulled your hand back. You assumed he said something to chastise you, but you didn’t register it.

You could see his expression, though. He was enjoying himself, laughing with his partners as he took your arms and dragged you on your back towards the front door.

When you looked up, you saw his hoodie closer, and that’s when it clicked. Hydra? But Hydra was red? And from what you heard on the news after the Triskelion incident, they were some power-crazed terrorist organisation bent on absolute control. What were they doing in your apartment? And why did they hate Bucky so much?

Bucky hadn’t told you much about his past, and part of you understood. You could tell by the vulnerable look in his eye that he was scared you’d leave him every time the Winter Soldier was brought up, which was rare.

All you knew was that he was under control as the Winter Soldier, and did some horrible things. But you never pressed, and you didn’t need to. You knew enough to know Bucky was a victim, and that was enough.

Good people like Sam and Natasha wouldn’t have continued to stand by him if Bucky was anything more than an innocent, manipulated prisoner of war. Steve would stand with Bucky regardless, but you didn’t blame him for that. Some relationships simply went further than right or wrong, innocent or guilty. Steve would stand by Bucky through thick and thin, just like you would.

But that didn’t explain why these men were here and tormenting you. This was more than just an attack – it was complete and utter destruction. The apartment was in ruins, completely desecrated.

Kage dragged and dumped your body against the entry wall, amongst the torn photos of you and Bucky. Your gaze turned to one where you were both smiling, huddling in close. It was taken on Steve’s birthday. You’d all thrown him a surprise party in the compound. You remember because Bucky had you both wear a comically bad Captain America t-shirt to tease him.

The photo, while tattered, was a reminder. While this moment was pure suffering, life was also full of moments that had your heart full of love. Life wasn’t always full of pain, and this torture was but a brief snapshot in the greater picture of your life.

Now, your heart hurt because you’d experienced such great love you knew what it was like to feel the loss. Tears trickled down your cheeks as you mourned what could have been. You should be experiencing many more birthdays and silly t-shirts, but it seemed that wasn’t what fate had planned for you.

The cries you let out were stricken with grief, and for the first time, the men went silent and just looked at you as if you were human, not just a toy for their enjoyment.

“Talk about a mood killer,” Damien sniggered, but Kage quickly raised his hand.

“Enough. Time to put her out of her misery.”

Your blood turned icy cold, dread settling in your stomach as you whimpered, too drained to run. “Please, don’t. Just leave me. I won’t tell anyone.” A blatant lie, but you had to try. You’d seen their faces, and that alone sealed your fate. "I don't want to die," you said more to yourself than to them.

“Pretty pictures. Too bad they’re a bit stained.” Maddox mocked as he picked up one of the discarded photo albums. It was the heaviest one, full of memories that were now soaked with your blood.

Maddox handed the album to Kage, unbothered by the drips of red that hit the floor. 

They all stood before you as Kage flipped through the pages, his features hardened. “He’s so happy. Let’s see if the monster smiles now.”

Kage slammed the book closed, sealing your fate between his hands. That part of your life was ending, and these three were writing your future.

There was no point pleading with them, and you were too devoid of energy to do more than sit with shallow breaths, awaiting your death.

But one last ounce of adrenaline coursed through your veins as you tried to keep your eyes open. "His name is Bu-"

Kage raised the photo album before slamming it down on your head. It knocked you out instantly, the world going black as your body toppled to the side.

But the reaper didn’t come. Your heart continued beating, lungs filling with air.

Your suffering was due to continue. This wasn’t the end.

[tohot4u]

Promise

lies/truth prompt

Curled together under the moonlight,tucked neatly between comforting arms. Tails tangled into two-toned ribbons. 

Watching as the world faded into pitch black darkness. Darkness the sun so craved to understand. To hold gently hand in hand.   

 Such a delightful dream filled with wonder. However,the sun could never touch the moon. The moon, too busy to ponder the sun's affections. Hiding from brilliant light that brought such joy to the creatures upon his mountain. 

All but one 

And Wukong couldn’t help but swell with pride and satisfaction. 

If the sun could never touch the moon-

Then it was nothing but a lie! 

It had to be!  

The moon was a vital craving he so longed for. So aloof and fleeting-pleasant and calming. Shy and lovely with an air of intimidation-he was smitten. 

There was nothing his darling could ever say or do that could deny their so destined connection. 

And here he laid ,clasped between his greedy claws,the fruit of his passion.  Of weary-long-nights he chased. With every rotations of the earth,with every passing day-

There was nothing quite like the feeling of when the moon was finally his.  

 Plush flesh so easily abused by the hunger of his love. Innocent and pure,the most intoxicating of expressions always beautifully painted on his moon's face. Pure bliss as the escapades bled into dawn. 

And like a delicate ghost-his moon was alway gone as the sun finally rose from the sea. Opening the bleeding chasm of his heart when his side was found bare. The faint imprint of a farewell kiss across his collarbone his only source of comfort.  

But tonight will be special. 

Tonight would be perfect 

The moon was full,pouring liquid white. Framing them under the stars.

They both stared,eyes locked onto the remnants of their soul.  

Macaque couldn’t help but gaze in admiration. At those burning golden eyes,so swelled with love. The thumb caressing his face and pulling him close. Body sagging,relaxing under the tender touch of the star he pulled from the sky. 

His sun 

Wukong smiled, a soft-snarky little grin directed towards Macaque.  His eyes sparkling,casting a subtle glittering glow around them.

“Stay-won’t you?

“You know I’d don’t-“ 

He hushed him,pressing a quick peck on his lips. Macaque sputtered,red in the face,his ears twitching. Watching as his companion pulled him closer,a pout on his face.  

“Please-I'm cold when you go!” 

He glared,” Like you don’t run freakishly hot already!” 

Wukong looks at him for a moment. Opening his mouth and closing it,before settling for a different sentence.“Oh-fine-I don’t get cold-but still!”   

Suddenly serious he gazes down,his sun dimming into a waning flicker. 

“I-I get lonely” he whispers, squeezing Macaque tighter in his arms. 

Macaque breathed in,rubbing Wukongs fingers as he pondered his response. 

“Will you stay with me?” 

Wukong perks up,a smile stretching across his face. Excited perky squeals shaking his entire body. 

“I will”

“Will you love me?”” 

“I will”

“Forever?”  

“Of course! What kind of question is that!”

“Promise.” 

Wukongs gaze softens,rubbing his thumb across Macaque's face once more.   

“I promise” 

He is a liar

[csainz5]

LATE NIGHTS || cs #55

pairing: carlos sainz x reader

summary: late night drives with carlos never disappoint.

word count: didnt beta read yet so 🤦🏻‍♀️

author notes: this post was inspired by this edit by @allsainz on insta 🫶 wrote this in a hurry bc exams (again) so hope you guys like it!!

warnings: literally none maybe driving? is that even supposed to be a warning 😭 anyways.

the nights are for the young and bold. and young and bold you were. dark skies paired well with speed, afterall. and speed mixed with carlos was a high you couldn’t get enough of. to others, it may just seem like a plain old drive around the city, but being the one beside carlos as the city seemed to move on from underneath you , you beg to differ.

its a simple old tradition, one that you invented as teens. you vowed on the day that carlos got into f1 that everytime carlos revisited madrid, you would go on a late night drive. it involved meeting up at 11pm, after the sun had long set, the world quieting down around you. The soft hum of the engine was the only sound that broke the stillness of the night. Carlos would flash you his signature grin as you hopped into the passenger seat, a knowing look in his eyes. god. you could never get tired of this.

the cars engine roars to life, and you cruised through the city's empty streets, the occasional streetlights being the only streak of light you see. the two of you would talk about anything and everything – from racing strategies to childhood memories, and even the stars that twinkled above. anything, really. talking with carlos always was simple. you could get lost in the silliest of topics and speak for hours on the end, but it would only feel like a mere minute passed by.

“i just love how the world looks different at night," he would say, his eyes locked on the road but his heart clearly lost in the beauty of the surroundings. "It's like we're in our own little universe, just you and me."

and you couldn't agree more. the thrill of the speed combined with the intimacy of the shared moments made these drives unforgettable. the wind would tousle your hair, the adrenaline coursing through your veins as you laughed and talked with Carlos, the world outside your bubble seemingly forgotten.

he would occasionally reach over to adjust the radio, the music's melody perfectly complementing the rhythm of the journey. sometimes, he would even serenade you with a few lines from his favorite songs, his voice as smooth as his driving. It was in these moments that you realized just how much he loved these late-night escapades. a song plays, and he starts humming along the lines.

and it goes like this

he stops the car by a drive in, ordering your meal before you even get to say it “ two burgers, curly fries & a coke” “coming right up” “you memorised my order?” “oh shut up youve been ordering the exact same thing since we were 15” the air flows through your hair, and its like its the prettiest sight hes ever seen. the soft light the moon cast on your face, with your flowing hair and that bright smile he couldnt get enough of? he could swear youre aphrodite herself.

get in your car

& you’ll lean to kiss me

he stops by a secluded space, The engine would purr to a stop, and for a few moments, neither of you would say a word, savoring the moments these drives give you. he opens the hood of his covertible and sets up a space for you both in the back seat. the cold winds run through your hair and carlos swears he's never seen a prettier sight. the soft moonlight, hair cruising through the winds, everything was just perfect for him.

“okay i know this is super random but like, whats adventure for you?” “These late-night drives with you are my favorite kind of adventure," Carlos says, his voice a mixture of fondness and sincerity. “oh dont be cliche now carlos” “im serious” he says, putting his hands up as if hes surrendering. “what about you?” he asks. "Mine too, these moments are when we truly get to spend together and they just make me feel so happy” your eyes meet his and you know exactly what is about to happen as he cups your face, pulling you closer to him. he pulls you in by your waist and it feels like youre one with him, body and mind.

we’ll talk for hours

& lie on the backseat

and at a point, you just look up at the sky, staring fondly as the stars glimmer. his hands are wrapped around you and it all just feels unreal. it always does, even if its the same, theres a feeling there that you know you could never experience elsewhere. by now its already the waking hours for most, but for the rest, its the moments of the day that end up as memories.

[lovemyavatar]

STAR GIRL

| Lo’ak x F!Avatar!Reader |

Summary: Sully's always stick together, but is there room for one more?

Warnings: fluff, some angst and family drama

Notes: I just want to take a second to thank each and every person who has interacted with this series, it’s truly meant so much. I’ve read and re-read every comment, message, kind word. You’re all incredible and the support means the absolute world. I can’t believe this series is coming to an end already, it’s been so much fun to write. I have a little surprise at the end of this chapter that I’m super excited about and hope everyone will like! I LOVE when you guys talk to me so don’t be shy and let me know what you think! Until next time MWAH

dialogue in Italics is Na'vi translated to English

chapter eight

Chapter Nine — The End

The sun has long breached the moon, warm afternoon light blanketing Pandora by the time you approach Home tree.

Your fingers, interlocked tightly with Lo’ak’s, tremble as anxiety surges through your chest. Wide eyes dance over the huge, overreaching leaves of the place you so recently considered home, the sound of the clan’s morning activities fluttering to your ears.

“Wait!” You suddenly jerk to a halt, free hand latching onto Lo'ak's bicep.

He stops beside you, just before the tree line breaks into the wide gathering area. Your eyes round with unease, searching for comfort within his warm gaze.

A soft breath falls from his lips, chest tightening at the sight of you so on edge. A large hand cradles the side of your head gently. You instantly lean into his touch, a fraction of tension releasing.

“Hey...” He coos, guiding you forward so he can place a kiss in the center of your forehead. He leans back slowly, head dipping to catch your eyes. “Nothing, and no one, will take you from me. Okay?”

You’re nervous, no, terrified to face his parents. You haven’t spoken a word to them, haven’t seen so much as a glimpse of them in nearly a week. Not since Jake so harshly yelled at you, so cruelly accused you of being a traitor.

Lo’ak‘a gaze remains steady on yours, unwavering in his love for you. He's completely serious, if any of his family members argue against your union, he has some choice words ready. Now that you're his for life, he won't let anyone disrespect you, no matter who they are.

“Okay.” You agree lowly, sending him a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

He nods reassuringly, fingers tightening around yours as he guides you forward, back toward the place where you’ll build your new home together. He barely makes it a step before a tall figure approaches, walking briskly through the brush.

In his haste, Neteyam nearly rams right into you. He’s the perfect picture of a poised leader on a mission, brow furrowed, shoulders square, bow slung tightly across his chest. He rears back in alarm, narrowly missing the two of you.

“Eywa!” He curses under his breath, eyes widening a fraction as he takes in the scene before him.

His spine straightens, tail flicking to attention at his back. His eyes narrow, trailing over the two of you scrutinizingly. At first, he’s surprised that you’re standing before him at all. After that day in the forest, when he stumbled upon you and your Ikran, he fully expected to never see you again.

But now, here you are. With his brother, the day after he disappeared without warning. The pieces start falling into place, Neteyam’s thoughts racing as he dissects in the sight of the two of you together. Together walking from the woods, with your hands clasped and—oh, shit.

“Baby bro, you didn’t.” There’s a rough warning beneath his words, head tilting to the side almost pleadingly.

Lo’ak forces down a hoarse swallow, lifting his chin in defiance. His hold on you is firm, bordering on painful as he meets Neteyam’s glare with one of his own. Daring him to challenge the union. The older Sully groans, eyes falling closed as he pinches the bridge of his nose in irritation.

“I shouldn’t be surprised.” He sighs heavily, molten eyes shifting to you.

You’re tempted to curl inward, to crumble beneath his judgmental gaze, but you remain strong. You have no regrets about mating with Lo’ak. You’ve chosen him as your partner for the rest of your life, and nothing anyone says or does can change that now.

With a dismissive shake of his head, Neteyam turns to go back the way he came, seemingly abandoning whatever he was about to do.

“Wait! Where are you going?” Lo’ak steps forward, arm outstretched and ready to stop him from getting to their parents before he can.

“As far from here as possible.” He doesn’t stop, doesn’t even spare a retreating glance before disappearing through thick foliage.

Your brows furrow worriedly, sharp teeth catching your lower lip as anxiety quickly mounts. Lo’ak groans quietly beside you, irritated that your first greeting wasn’t a pleasant one. Before you can dwell on it, he’s pulling you behind him, over the last remaining barrier between you and your future home.

The second your foot touches warm soil, a loud, ear-piercing scream echoes through the base of Home Tree. It makes your shoulders hunch, muscles pulled taunt in alarm. Your eyes widen, as do most of the clan's as they whip around to see what the fuss is about.

A moment later, you crumble to the ground under the weight of a tiny body colliding with yours. Your hand is ripped from Lo'ak, who bursts into a fit of laughter beside you. Your arms instantly curl around Tuk’s middle, turning carefully to ensure you'll take the brunt of the fall.

“You left me!” Her face is scrunched into a deep scowl, nose wrinkled, small lips pulled into a frown.

She pouts down at you from her new position, perched on your stomach. You can't help but smile, heart skipping a beat at the sight of her. Despite the clear anger pointed your way, nothing but joy floods your system at having her close again. You didn’t want to dwell on it while convincing yourself you’d never see this place again, but you missed her like crazy.

Slowly, you sit up, pulling her into a tight embrace in the process. She tucks into you without hesitation, face smooshing against your chest. Her little arms wrap around your waist, returning the hug with her full strength.

“I’m sorry, Tuk.” You murmur soothingly, head falling to rest on top of hers.

A huge, boyish grin splits Lo'ak's face, arms crossing as he watches the scene unfold. Warmth blooms in his chest at the sight of the bond you share with his baby sister. He knew she missed you, couldn't escape the constant questions about where you'd gone and when you'd be back every moment you were away.

“You skxawng (idiot)!” A new voice interrupts, your head instantly tilting up in recognition.

Despite the insult, a soft smile pulls at Kiri's lips as she approaches casually. You match her expression, moisture prickling at the corners of your eyes. You're quick to blink away the tears, a surge of embarrassment bringing color to your cheeks.

You didn't expect to feel this swarm of emotions, didn't anticipate being overwhelmed by the sight of your two closest friends welcoming you home with open arms. Kiri leans down, offering a helping hand. Your fingers slide into hers easily, gratitude brightening your expression as she pulls you up from the ground.

Tuk bounces to her feet beside you, hopping up and down excitedly. A giggle bubbles in your chest, tension gradually releasing the longer you're in the presence of her playful spirit.

A sudden, quiet gasp has your attention snapping back to Kiri. Her fingers twitch against yours, grip tightening to an almost painful degree. Her eyes pop wide, flicking between you and her brother.

“Did you...?” She pulls you in by the firm hold on your arm, words a breathless whisper into your ear as you stumble against her chest.

The color of your cheeks deepens, heat blanketing your neck and chest. Of course, she’d sense it, long before you could even formulate a plan to tell her. All you can do is nod, stomach flipping with unease. Your heart soars at the way her mouth pulls into a slow grin, relief flooding you when she doesn’t appear upset.

“Tuk, Y/N is our sister now.” She peers down at her with a hint of pride, the youngest Sully’s eyes popping wide in shock at the declaration.

Warmth swells in your chest, heart fluttering between your ribs. The whisper of belonging tickles your insides, weakens your knees. Threatens to bring you back to the ground with wave after wave of intense emotion.

“Is it true? Is it true?” She jumps up and down, beaming at you with such adoration, it makes tears spring to your eyes all over again.

The huge grin on your face must be confirmation enough because she lets out another scream, the excited wail echoing through Home Tree. You’re quick to shush her, gaze hastily scanning the area. You force down a thick swallow at the sea of concerned eyes that are already trained on your little group.

A low rumble has begun within the clan as they notice your presence. Many have paused their duties, instead openly staring as you’re greeted by the Olo’eyktan’s children. The weight of their judgement, the mounting questions you know you’ll soon be forced to answer, settles onto your shoulders.

The tightness around your spine returns in full force, muscles already aching from being pulled so taunt.

“Girls.” At the sound of a familiar rough voice, your smile falters.

Kiri’s hand drops yours, instead tucking against her chest as she folds into herself protectively. You realize she’s bracing for impact, steeling herself from the predictable wrath of her father before it arrives.

“Go back to your chores.” Jake’s expression is all hard lines, brow furrowed, lips pursed, eyes narrowed as they seem to dissect each one of you in the little circle.

“But dad! Y/N is—” Tuk begins excitedly, still beaming despite the obvious shift in everyone else’s demeanor.

“Now.” He barks, using a tone usually reserved only for his sons.

Lo’ak shifts at your back, long fingers curling around your bicep. You send him a questioning glance over your shoulder, but he only shakes his head before gently pulling you against him. You don’t fight the motion, instead relying on his stability as you lean into his chest. One of his arms slides along your stomach, holding you against him firmly.

Tuk deflates, not used to receiving such harsh orders from her father. Her shoulders slump, tiny lips pursing in irritation. Kiri is quick to wrap an arm around her, murmuring softly as she all but drags her away. Her eyes round as they slide toward you one last time, silently wishing you good luck.

Your heart rate instantly skyrockets at the impatient click of Jake's tongue. Hesitantly, your gaze meets his, stomach churning with unease. A long breath falls from his pursed lips, hard eyes sweeping down your form quickly.

“Believe it or not, I'm happy to see you in one piece, kid.” His voice is deep, rough despite the kind words. It's clear that something dark is brewing just beneath the surface as his attention snaps over your shoulder, tone sharpening. “Is what your brother says true?”

He chooses to speak in English, hoping to maintain a semblance of privacy for this conversation. The clan has no shame in the way they watch their leader with curious eyes, slowly forming a large circle around the three of you.

Fucking Neteyam, Lo'ak hisses internally, stiffening against you. He pulls you in closer, narrowed gaze shifting over the crowd, ready to piece at the slightest movement toward you.

“We are mated before Eywa.” His chin lifts confidently, words strong as they leave his lips with conviction.

Quiet sounds of shock roll through the clan, hushed murmurs making your ears flatten against your head. Jake lets out a short hiss of displeasure, expression tightening before it’s replaced with the usual hardened mask of dismissiveness. He looks away briefly, as if assessing the audience that continues to surround you.

“Listen close, son.” He leans toward you both, voice dropping to a tense whisper, pointing a finger right in Lo'ak's face. “I get it. I really do. Back in the day I would’ve done anything to be with your mom. But there are rules.”

Your breath hitches, ice cold dread seeping into your bones at the insinuation. There's no way he would...would he? You silently pray he’ll show you mercy, or at least try to understand where you’re coming from. You’d never forgive yourself if mating with you was the downfall of Lo’ak’s relationships with his family. His clan.

His fingers twitch against your stomach, pressing you further into his warmth. A low growl rumbles through his chest, vibrating the overworked muscles of your back. Your eyes pop wide at the threatening display he’s just showed his own father.

“I don't care. I love her, dad. I would do it again.” Your ears twitch at his affirmation, cheeks warming. You sink impossibly closer to him, needing the reassurance of his skin on yours in as many places as possible.

Jake suddenly stands to his full height, hands landing on his hips, an exasperated look crossing his face. His jaw clenches as he fights the urge to lay into Lo'ak for his blatant disrespect. The entire clan has now gathered in the area, and though he's disciplined his son many times in front of them, he doesn't want to cause a scene right now.

“Alright, let’s go, you two.” Long fingers pinch the bridge of his nose, another heavy sigh of disappointment leaving his lips. He turns in the direction of the Sully family tent, glare piercing straight through Lo'ak's questioning gaze. “I’m not facing your mother alone.”

With that, he stalks forward, expecting you to follow. You glance at Lo'ak nervously, the cord of panic squeezing your heart cinching tighter by the second. His lips quirk into the ghost of a smile, though the gesture doesn't reach his eyes.

He plants a quick kiss along your temple before shifting to your side. The arm that's been protectively wrapped around your waist doesn't waver as he guides you forward, following his father's lead. Your eyes cautiously trail over the dense sea of eyes as they part for you, before falling to the dirt, finding the scrutiny too much to bare.

Within a few short steps, the woven flap of their shared home slams shut behind you. A tremor wracks your body at the sight of Neytiri, hunched over a pile of fruit in the corner. Her rhythmic chopping halts instantly at the sudden presence in her home. She looks up, eyes widening when they land on Lo'ak.

She's on her feet in an instant, crossing the tent before anyone can even think about speaking.

“Oh, my youngest son.” She coos, relieved to see him whole and uninjured. He’d run off without so much as a goodbye, and she’d been worried sick, even ordering Neteyam only minutes ago to look for him.

Her expression drops, hardens when her eyes scan his form, catching on the way you're so tightly wrapped up against him.

“What is this?” The question is full of accusation, her gaze sharpening into the ferocious glare you've been dreading all day.

All you can do is watch as realization dawns. As she takes in the intimacy between you and her son, the way he holds you so protectively, like only a mate would do. She sees so much of Jake in her youngest boy, recognizes the defiant square of his shoulders all too well.

A soft gasp lodges in her throat, a shaky hand covering her mouth as she rears back as if she's been struck. Her eyes widen, utter horror darkening the usual bright glowing yellow. They jump between all three of you, as if unsure who to blame for this.

“Lo'ak, do not tell me...”

“It is done.” He instantly defends, voice even though his jaw is already clenching in preparation for the fallout.

Neytiri hisses aggressively, taking a few steps to the side, then back the way she came, pacing in front of you. Her tail flicks upward, standing at attention against her spine. She looks every bit the fearsome hunter she is, steely glare piercing straight to your core as she zeroes in on you.

“You have brought shame to this family!” She spits, looking at you like you've just committed the most egregious sin. Like her family is falling apart, and you're the cause.

“Don’t act like you didn’t do the same thing with dad.” Lo'ak growls, pulling you tighter against his side, the harsh tone of his accusation earning another hiss from his mother.

“Hey! Watch your mouth, boy.” Jake takes a step forward, narrowed eyes catching his son's pointedly. He stands at the ready only inches away, prepared to step in if things escalate.

“I did not mate with your father until he became one of The People! You will throw away your future for this—for her?” Despite the reservations she still harbors, she can't bring herself to call you a vrrtep (demon) any longer.

She recognizes everything you've done for the clan. For her family. You've brought Kiri out of her shell, given Tuk some direction, calmed Lo’ak’s rebellious spirit. Mo'at never stops singing your praises, even going so far as to suggest that Eywa would bless a union with Neteyam—had you not been so smitten with his brother—due to your skill within the Tsahik tent.

But you are still other. No matter how much she has secretly grown to tolerate you, she would never choose such a match for the son of Toruk Makto. Every union their children commit to holds weight, impacts the perception of the entire family. They must be strong to protect the clan, to be effective leaders.

“Okay, you know what? I'm just going to say it.” You release a tense breath, jerking free of Lo’ak’s tight hold as anger licks up your spine.

There's only so much you can take, so much judgement, so many harsh words before you have to stand up for yourself. For your relationship with Lo'ak. The thinly veiled restraint you've been desperately holding onto lays at your feet in tattered shreds as you take a step forward, ignoring the quiet plea from behind to calm down.

“Your mate used to the human! Used to be an Avatar!” A finger points harshly in Jake's direction, though your molten stare remains locked on Neytiri. “I have learned your ways, just like he did! I claimed an Ikran, just like he did! I have as much right to be one of The People as he did!”

Neytiri stills before you, fists clenched tightly at her sides, lethal glare blazing a hole straight through your tough exterior. Truthfully, you're terrified, trembling where you stand, heart clattering between your ribs harshly.

“You do not speak of Ma Jake!” She hisses, chin dropping menacingly, tail flicking back and forth harshly.

“I have been nothing but kind to you, and you have refused to even try to see me.” You're a bit breathless, surprised yourself at the way you've just spoken to her.

You never wanted it to be like this, never imagined this kind of tension could exist simply because of who you are. Who you love.

“I cannot see what does not exist.” She grunts, hard eyes slicing to Lo'ak, still wound tightly behind you. “All you do is take.”

“It won't be me that takes your son away, Neytiri, but your own prejudice.” A humorless laugh falls from your chest before you can stop it, stomach flipping with anger and frustration.

At the snap of your harsh words, the dam breaks, an animalistic snarl cutting the thick silence before Neytiri pounces. She lunges for you, hands raised to strike, face tight with rage. You rear back instinctively, but it's useless as Jake and Lo'ak rush to step between you.

“That's enough!” Jake roars, one hand wrapping around his mate's shoulders while the other locks around her waist, hauling her against his front.

She growls and fights against his firm hold for only a moment before allowing him to drag her away. Meanwhile, Lo'ak covers your body with his, crouching as he hisses at his mother dangerously. It feels foreign, wrong, the action shattering a fraction of his heart.

Under normal circumstances, he would never dream of disrespecting her in such a way. But now, he has no choice, he would die before allowing anyone to lay a hand on you in his presence. Even his own family.

When his parents are safely on the other side of the tent, he turns to you, both hands cradling your face tenderly.

“Tam, Tam (there, there), baby, mawey (calm).” He murmurs, lips caressing the skin of your forehead before he tucks you into his side.

Every one of your muscles is tense, trembling with pent up emotion. Your chest heaves against his, ragged breaths attempting to soothe your racing heart. Your arms wrap around his waist, looking for stability as you try calming raging emotions.

It's given you a tiny sense of release, having finally defended yourself the way you've been aching to since the moment you arrived in Home Tree. But still, it hasn't made anything better, hasn't relieved even a touch of the hostility that's palpable within the small space.

Lo'ak turns to face his parents, brow pinched in anger. He doesn't want to choose between you and his family, but he will without hesitation. He openly glares at Jake and Neytiri, something he'd never dare before this moment. Before everything crumbled right in front of him.

“Muntxa (mate),” He coos the term of endearment pointedly, sending a clear message as one of his hands trails soothingly down your spine. “Why don't you tell them what you told me?”

Your face jerks toward his as you lean back, creating a few inches of space that allow you to gaze up at him in question.

“I don't think now is a good time, Lo’ak.” Your words drip with uncertainty, completely lost as to why he would bring this up now.

“Tell us what?” Jake is already on high alert, spine straightening as his hold on Neytiri loosens a fraction. She's calmed in his arms, resigning herself to glaring at you from across the room.

A rough sigh leaves your lips, anxiety rearing its ugly head once again. You planned on delivering this news gently, over dinner or maybe even a warm fire. Definitely not like this, when emotions are already so high. Truthfully, you wanted to have this conversation privately, first sharing the information between you and Jake alone.

Lo’ak nods encouragingly, hoping you’ll follow his direction. He wants to show his parents that you’re on their side, that you’re fully committed to the clan. He knows this will help, and even if it’s not the best time, you don’t have much of that left anyway.

With another deep breath, your shoulders square, muscles tight in preparation to drop the bombshell.

“Two days ago, when I was at the lab, we received a correspondence. From an incoming ship.” Your voice is quiet, even as you brace yourself for the worst.

Jake drops his hold on Neytiri instantly, stalking forward a few steps in shock before reining in his rising emotions. No, no, it can't be, the words echo through his mind like a prayer. With two simple sentences, his worst fear has just come true.

“What are you saying?” He rasps, fists already clenched as every one of his muscles coils painfully tight.

“It was a hostile branch of the RDA. They were sending out feelers, trying to see if any humans survived the last two decades.” Your chin dips, apprehension clouding your mind at the look of pure horror on Jake's face. Your voice drops to a low whisper as you deliver the final piece of information you have. “They're supposed to land in five days.”

“No, no.” He's the one pacing now, eyes wide as they flick wildly around the tent, looking for something solid. He turns on you, a sudden gleam of accusation beneath his glare. “If that were true, Norm would've reached out.”

“He did.” Your brow pinches with confusion as you watch the always poised leader practically have a panic attack right in front of you.

He stops suddenly, recalling with agitation that he hadn't checked the tech tent within the last day. He'd been distracted, looking for Lo'ak.

“Fuck.” He rasps, turning on his heel to flee the tent in a few quick strides.

Just like that, the conversation is over, the issue of your union with Lo’ak seeming so petty now.

Silence blankets the room, palpable tension the only thing remaining in Jake’s absence. Your eyes sweep toward Neytiri cautiously, but she merely hisses before stalking through the door after him.

You’re left standing there, stomach turning with unease. Though Lo’ak instantly pulls you into him, wrapping you in the warm strength of his embrace, it does little to fill the gaping hole in your chest.

Because, after all this time, you’re no closer to belonging than when you first arrived.

A frustrated huff leaves your pursed lips, brows pinched in concentration as you try—and fail—to focus on the task at hand.

Your fingertips are raw, skin battered by constant wear. The last several days have been a flurry of preparation. You've done little else but sit, hunched over well-used tools as you sharpen spears and arrowheads.

With one final swipe of stone against wood, you lift the jagged weapon up close for inspection. It's not great, but it will do. You toss it to the side, ignoring the sharp clatter as it tumbles onto the pile of finished products.

Your head lifts for a brief moment before grabbing the next log, eyes scanning the open area of Home Tree. A tiny breath of relief falls from your lips when they land on Lo'ak, dutifully helping Jake fit the newest group of warriors with their own woven chest pieces to mark their rising rank within the clan.

You haven't seen much of him since the fight in his family's tent. You've chosen to remain in your hammock at night. Traditionally, mates sleep together in the family home until they are ready to build a tent of their own, but there's no way you could subject yourself—or the rest of the Sully's, frankly—to that level of awkward.

He visits you at night, showering you with kisses to make up for lost time, even falling asleep in the cramped space with you once after a particularly grueling day. Things are changing fast, and the Recombinant's, as you've learned they're called, haven't even arrived yet.

It's scary, not knowing what to expect. Not knowing how you fit into all of this, despite the effort you’ve put into finding your place.

Your ears twitch at the sound of soft footsteps approaching. Your spine straightens, relief flooding you at the welcome distraction. You’re expecting Kiri, or even Tuk, but quickly deflate at the sight of Neytiri. Instantly, your eyes fall to your lap, hands busying themselves with another log before she sits down beside you.

You're tucked away in a corner, near the tree line, enjoying some much needed quiet as you work. It's just been so hectic, the constant bustling around Home Tree grating on your already fried nerves. So, when Jake asked for your help with this, you immediately found the most secluded spot that left Lo’ak within your line of sight.

You desperately try ignoring the way Neytiri's eyes bore into the side of your head, urging you to look at her.

“It is time.” Her voice is surprisingly soft as her eyes dance along your features, lips pressed into a firm line.

You can’t help but glance up at her in question, the cryptic phrasing making your heart leap with anxiety.

Unbeknownst to you, or anyone else, she has been watching you. She would never admit it, but your words from that day have stuck with her. They've nestled into the back of her mind, prodding each time her gaze finds you, rushing around her home to help in any way you can.

She has seen you prepare salves and balms with her mother and daughter, skillfully mixing ingredients almost as fluently as they do. It hit her, that day, how hard you must've worked all those weeks after Mo'at took you under her wing.

She's watched with careful eyes as you tend to the children, calming and entertaining not only Tuk, but now her friends by the raging fire each night. The other women have noticed, too, gazing upon you with soft smiles, and a hint of adoration.

Most importantly, she has seen how Jake guides you under his diligent instruction, looking after you as if you are one of his own. She sees the parallels between you, can understand why he's defended you all this time. Your dedication to the clan is clear, so obvious in fact that she's kicking herself, wondering how it took so long to realize.

“I will only say this one time, so listen close. I am sorry.” She knows she's been too harsh, too rigid. Eywa, even her youngest has been more welcoming.

She doesn't regret the protective instinct that drove her judgement, she would do anything to keep her children out of harms way. But at this point, she does recognize that maybe, just maybe, she let the fact that you're different cloud her mind, prevent her from seeing you as she should've a long time ago.

Your eyes pop wide in surprise, breath catching at the words you never imagined hearing from her.

“I can’t promise to always make the right decisions, but I will try.” The admission is gentle as she peers at you with rounded eyes, nothing but warmth shining within the bright yellow. “I know how Lo’ak feels, it is how I felt about Ma Jake. Though I wish you would have waited to mate, I should not expect anything else from my son.”

You're stunned, completely frozen as your brain slowly processes the words you've been dying to hear for weeks.

“I know I have not been fair to you, but for as long as you treat my son well, I will be happy to call you my daughter.” One of her hands rests gently on your shoulder, a tiny smile pulling at her lips.

A ragged breath leaves your quivering lungs, vision blurring. Your heart soars, chest caving with a quiet cry as tears slip freely down your cheeks. Finally, the last piece of the puzzle has clicked into the place. The last thing you needed to feel whole, to fully step into your new life—whether you would admit it or not—is her acceptance. And now you have it.

Your hand moves to cover hers, a wobbly smile the only response you can muster. For the first time in your twenty years here on the moon, you feel seen. Truly and fully seen by everyone that matters.

Now that you have her blessing, the only thing left to do is become one of The People in the eyes of the Great Mother, before the entire clan.

Excitement coils in your stomach, eyes glittering at the prospect of completing your own ceremony. Of emerging from this turbulent time better off, closer to the most authentic version of yourself.

There’s no doubt in your mind as Neytiri eagerly jumps into action beside you, helping to finish the last of the spears before eclipse blankets Home Tree in darkness, that you’re exactly where you were always meant to be.

That you’re exactly who you were always meant to be.

Coming soon…

Neteyam x F!Avatar!Reader Series

You’ve been recruited by the Omatikaya clan. Finally given an excuse to use your Avatar for more than field tests and experiments. With the threat of war looming overhead, tensions mount, but it’s not the approaching hostile forces that keep you on high alert. A certain Olo’eyktan’s oldest son has been ordered to train you, so that you might be of assistance in the coming battle.

He’s determined to keep you at arms length. Distraction has never fit into his painstakingly structured life, and he surely has no time to entertain it now. Despite his best efforts, his restraint is tested beyond previously known limits. No matter how infuriating every interaction seems to be, he can't escape the fact that he's never been met with something quite as tempting as you.

taglist:

@bajadotcom @darksxder @fanboyluvr @dakotali @kaymarnun @mxshrooms009 @violet-violenc @neteyamforlife @cleverzonkwombatsludge @dazecrea @lcovelymaria @faeraella @bxbyalixo @nurayastories @emoballs69 @little-bunnybabe @callsignhotshot @idga-fudgeicle @alexandra-001 @avidreader3107 @goddesslilithmoriarty @ihonestlydontknowwhattonamethis @gwolf92 @danyxthirstae01 @dreamimix @dreamersbelieveinus @lovekeeho @wtf-why-do-i-gotta-do-this @abbersreads @jakesullyssluttt @keii-nn @hopelesslydevotedloser @quest-for-pluto @liyahsocorro @wingedghostpepper @ricecakeslove @gretesstuff @deserticwren @behindthearcane @neteyams-wifee @tomhreader @eywas-heir @lovedbychoi @b0rednb1tchy @neqeyam

@jackiehollanderr @belos-simp69 @daeneeryss @mazemymirror @daughterofthequeen @b-tchymoon @audrinawf

[foranpo]

ੈ˚☆ bungou stray dogs characters as angst tropes.

fandom: bungou stray dogs.

characters: ranpo, dazai, akutagawa.

reader: gn!

genre: headcanons.

content: angst.

word count: ~300 each // ~950 total

cole's note: already w a part 2 in my drafts bc i love this concept a little too much lmao sorry and enjoy (ig ?) <3

ੈ♡˳────── enjoy the reading <3 ──────

˚ʚ ranpo.

falling out of love.

he couldn't love you anymore. your presence in Ranpo's life had become a constant too monotonous to satisfy the young detective; he loved you, yes—trapped in your nature, utterly fascinated by your soul, Ranpo loved you deeply. but there was a certain annoyance in the serenity you carried with you, a certain discomfort in the reassurance your presence gave to Ranpo's life.

maybe he just got tired of the comfort of your day-to-day life, the repetitiveness of your love, the predictability of your history; or maybe Ranpo just stopped being in love with you because that's what was written in your book, in your stars, in your lines of destiny. but, as much as he tried to escape reality, as much as he loved you as a person, as a friend, he could no longer deny the facts that constantly haunted him.

“I don't want to lose you,” his voice sounded ever so serious when he tried to express his feelings, no weakness or trembling to be noticed in his words, no hint of hesitation or falsehood to be felt in his little speech. just mere words of logic sinking into your heart with the memory of the ephemerality of Ranpo's feelings.

“I don't want to lose you, but I can't love you the way you want me to love you. I can't love you the way I used to love you. I don't think it's fair of me to beg you to stay in my life after hurting you like this; but if the love I feel for you has weakened and just settled into a friendship that I know will be eternal, don't you think it's only logical that we stay together? as friends?”

ੈ♡˳─────────────────────

˚ʚ dazai.

unkept promises.

he promised that your love would be told by all the constellations that embellished the sky; he promised that legends would be told of your love, creating envy and jealousy in all who heard them; he promised to love you eternally, with such intensity that even the gods themselves would want to be part of your love. but all of Dazai's words were but cascades of empty promises, swept away by the autumn of life, by the aggressive breeze of the marks of time.

he promised worlds and galaxies, made you believe that each word had a deeper, purer meaning than what was in the dictionary; but nothing Dazai said came true when the sun exposed his true heart, too corrupted by the world, too tainted by humans, too destroyed to be able to truly love anyone.

“one day, the gods will envy us,” he spoke to the clouds, trying to see in the sky a trace of those who put him in this world, trying to understand what purpose would exist in that moment, in his own words, knowing perfectly well that that day, that those days he talked about so much and made you look forward to, would never come.

“I know I promised you that. I know I promised you that, one day, our names would be written in the sky among constellations and stars, carved by the most beautiful hands of the most talented gods. but maybe all the promises I made you didn't deserve the comfort of your heart or the kindness of my voice; maybe it was my fault for singing the most beautiful poems to you on the scariest nights, but the promises I made to you cannot be fulfilled in this world, in this life, and, much less, by me.”

ੈ♡˳─────────────────────

˚ʚ akutagawa.

lovers to strangers.

the moon no longer knew your names, the stars were totally alien to your history, and there was no trace of your love trapped on this earth, any dust of affinity existing between you having long ago been swept away by the uncertainty of time and the cruelty of the seasons. your romance with Akutagawa came to an end with the departure of winter, the warmth and joy of spring being nothing more than a palette of artificial colors that tried, in vain, to fill in the gray spaces that Akutagawa's departure had left in your heart.

the farewell was painful for both of you, neither of you wanting to remember the reasons or the moment that led to the end of your love story; the memories of the most beautiful moments shared with Akutagawa had been spent by tears of regret and pain, your heart was losing strength to keep all the words and caresses you had exchanged with Akutagawa for yourself. you couldn't fight for that love. there was no turning back—and you knew it, because you were still immersed in Akutagawa's words that were uttered with the cold of winter and the uncertainty of spring:

“I don't think we can be anything anymore,” always so serious and expressionless, too complex to read, too confusing to understand. Akutagawa had no regrets in his words, he didn't believe in that: just the practicality of the words, the actions, the feelings, and in this case, the goodbye to the only person he had ever truly loved, the only person he knew would love him but who he didn't deserve.

“There's too much of me in you and I don't like it. I preferred it when you were yourself, without the remains of my wreckage, without the collection of my pains. you took me as your own and destroyed yourself. I don't think we should stay together. looking at you is the constant reminder of what we both could have had but was destroyed by the cruelty of feelings. what we had was totally corrupted by you, by me, by this world. and I can no longer find any comfort or love in you, in us.”

ੈ♡˳───── feedback is appreciated <3 ─────

[slashmagpie]

Tango isn’t sure what he’s expecting from a quiet evening in his ranch in Tumble Town, but it’s certainly not Bdubs crashing in through his door, disheveled with wild hair and eyes ablaze. And, uh, cloak ablaze—or at least a-blinding.

“Dude, what are you wearing?” he asks, wincing and shielding his eyes. 

Bdubs jerks like the question’s thrown him off-guard. “It’s my—it’s glow—I’m god now.” 

“I—yeah, okay,” Tango says. “Sure. You’re god now.”

“Right, that’s right, I’m—god of the sun! Yes, yes, that’s what I am.” Bdubs nods assuredly, and then falls apart again, shoulders coming up and hands coming together as he shrinks in on himself. 

Tango frowns. “Are you… okay?” he asks. “You look a little—”

“I went to Season Eight today!” Bdubs blurts. Tango stares at him with wide eyes. Bdubs stares back with wider eyes. “I mean—I—you know Sausage, right?”

“We’ve met?”

“Well, he’s got this—he can time-travel, or dimension hop, or something? I don’t know, but we were talking, I was messing with him, you know, I’m god and if you look at this enchanting table magic will happen, and then—wham! Back in Big Eyes! Right next to my moon!” 

Tango picks his jaw up from the floor and manages, “but you weren’t—I mean, you weren’t really there, right? It was like an illusion, or a dream, or…”

Bdubs shakes his head, deathly serious. “No,” he says. “No, it was—it was the real Season Eight. I’m sure of it.”

The heat of the mesa permeates the walls of the ranch all hours of the day, but right now Tango feels cold. His tongue sits heavy in his mouth. “But—Season Eight is gone,” he says. “It’s gone. It’s…”

“I know,” Bdubs says. “I know, but I was there! Just this afternoon! And Lulu—oh my gosh, Lulu was there! She looked so happy to see me.” Bdubs looks down. His lip trembles. “She didn’t come back, though. Me and Sausage, we came back, but—Lulu didn’t come back.”

Tango’s heart sinks. “I’m sorry,” he says. The words feel hollow. 

“And—Tango.” And Bdubs’ voice is quiet now, in a way it so rarely is, and there’s a vulnerability in the air between them that Tango is not comfortable with at all. “I heard it. Just before we came back. I heard the—the moon.” He lowers his voice to a whisper, like it’s something he’s forbidden to say. “It was coming down. If we hadn’t’ve come back when we did—” He cuts off. 

Tango stares. The back of his mind is void-dark, peppered with stars and explosions and the distant image of a world ending. In front of him, Bdubs is scared like Tango’s never seen him. His vision is clouded by static. Distorted.

He takes a breath. “It didn’t, though,” he says, and his voice comes out strained. “It didn’t—you’re fine. You’re here.”

“Yeah,” Bdubs says. “I’m here.” He doesn’t sound comforted. 

“So it’s okay,” Tango forges on, steeling himself, trying to reclaim his limbs from the static that’s taken them from him. “I don’t know what’s going on with Sausage, or time-travel, or dimension hopping, or any of it, but—let’s just focus on this Rift stuff. A-And getting home. Let’s not think about Season Eight.”

Bdubs grips the edges of his glowstone cloak so hard his knuckles turn white. “Right,” he agrees. “You’re right. Let’s not think about Season Eight, or the moon crashing down to kill us all, or—or never being able to go back and finish…” He trails off, finally looking up at Tango’s face. “Tango?” he says, frowning. “Are you alright?”

Tango has no idea what he looks like. He forces himself to nod. His chest is oddly tight. The room feels smaller than it did a minute ago. “I’m fine,” he says. “Let’s—let’s just not. Okay? Let’s…”

“Yeah,” Bdubs says. “Yeah, okay. Let’s not.”

[theveryworstthing]

The cultists' nervous but polite questioning had turned into desperate and slightly terrified pleading.

"Kids, chill out. It's just a date."

The head priest presses a shaking hand to his forehead and reminds himself to use his inside voice when talking to the literal goddess currently trying to mold a body of solid light into something that'll look good in a cocktail dress.

"Dawn Mother please listen. She's clearly a spawn of Dark birthed from the Void Between Stars. Her children are beasts of the night, her very form shifts like a shadow, and we're pretty sure she controls the tides-"

"What's wrong with controlling the tides?"

"That's not the point!" the head priest takes a breath. Inside voice. Inside voice. "Just...Please, Please reconsider inviting a powerful horror terror into our inner sanctum."

The goddess tuts and pats the priest on the head with a giant hand that leaves another sun bleached white streak in his hair.

"Come on now, I would never invite her over on the first date. She's not going to meet you kids until we think it's serious. This is just, you know, a little fun." The Dawn Mother pushes the mass of light up into an impressive bust and considers her new shape for a moment before literally pouring herself into the dress. "You know Mama needs her fun every once in a while or things start to burn."

That wasn't a threat exactly. She'd never threaten them.

But.

The head priest sighs, defeated. "Understood. Good luck with your...date. And be careful. Please."

A beam of light kisses him on the top of the head and he gains another streak.

"You worry too much. Go to the alter if you need me. I'll have all prayers on silent but I'll pick up right away so don't hesitate to call out. Lock the doors, Dinner is in the fridge, and no fighting."

The light in the grand temple dims as the Dawn Mother fades from view like a sunset. "Listen to your big brother! I love you all!~" She says as she disappears, leaving nothing but disembodied sunbeams and warm stone.

The head priest sighs. Nobody ever listens to him in this fucking cult.

over on patreon Gay Spaceship asked for 'sun and moon cosmic horror lesbians' so i made two moms ready to Brady Bunch their respective followings together. Dawn doesn't really see a problem with her new girlfriend. Luna is wonderful! sweetest being she's ever known with a unique loving family. all this Horror Terror business is just the kids catastrophising again. poor things are scared of their own shadows.

also, important size difference:

Dawn can technically be any size she wants but she's usually around 9-12ft tall while Luna's illuminated form fluctuates between 3.5 and 4ft.

[moni-logues]

Kintsugi 5

Pairing: Yoongi x reader

Genre: strangers-to-friends-to-lovers, non-idol!au, angst, smut, tiny bit of eventual fluff

Summary: In a fit of spiteful, post-break-up self-improvement, you sign up to a baking class. Yoongi, in a bid to appease his demanding girlfriend, signs up, too. Determined to make him your friend, you end up with more than you ever imagined.

Word count: 7.2k

Content: depression, self-harm (cutting)

A/N: first and foremost, please read the warnings; there's literally only two and one is a pretty significant one so plleeeeasssseeee take heed!!!!!! And let me know if there's anything else I should be tagging for it. Feels too flip for me to ramble in my usual way here given the content of this chapter, so just to say be safe, and I hope you like it! Thank you to my betas @amethystwritesbts @quarter-life-crisis2 @here2bbtstrash

Chapter Four | Masterlist | Chapter Six

Chapter Five - The other shoe

The sun was shining and birds were singing and you wished you were a character in a musical so you could burst into (tuneless) song and run across a field in a circle skirt. You hadn’t felt this good for a long, long time.  

“Looks like someone’s in a good mood,” was Taehyung’s greeting to you as you plopped down in your chair next to him. “You get laid or something?” 

You had, in fact, got laid last night. It had been even more anxiety-inducing than you had thought it would be, particularly given that Sungbin was a verified Greek god of a man and, well, your body had been through a little since the last time you were fully naked in front of someone new. You had put your body through a lot. The body keeps the score and it also shows the scars. You did not tend to keep them on display and you had hesitated and become awkward and flustered when you remembered them, when you realised he was going to see them, going to see what you had done to yourself.  

He didn’t mention them. He didn’t make it weird. He didn’t avoid them nor did he bring extra attention to them. He acted as if they weren’t there at all. Then he made you come until you were seeing stars.  

“That good, huh?”  

It had been that good. Or maybe it had just been a long time. Either way.  

“I think I’m going to fall in love with him, for real,” you said, all dreamy and moon-eyed, staring at your computer screen and seeing nothing but love hearts. 

“Girly...” Taehyung’s voice had a slight warning note but you let it wash over you. 

“I know, I know, but seriously. I feel happy, Teddy. Legitimately happy. I feel like I can see a future unfolding, a future I might actually want to live in.” 

“With Sungbin?” 

You shrugged. 

“Sure, why not?” 

He didn’t answer, not really. You could feel his reluctance; you could almost hear all the questions he wanted to ask. You let him think them. You weren’t going to let anyone burst this bubble.  

“What are we doing this weekend, chick?”  

You looked up from your desk and took the coffee cup in Taehyung’s outstretched hand. He sat down next to you. 

“What do you mean ‘what are we doing this weekend’?” 

“What do you mean ‘what do you mean “what are we doing this weekend”’?” 

“What do you mean-” 

“No, I’m serious. We always do something, but I haven’t seen you for weeks now.” 

“Teddy, we are together every day. You’re seeing me right now!” 

“That’s not the same and you know it! You’re reserving all your time for Sungbin these days.” 

“That’s not true.” 

Not entirely. He wasn’t being fair. It was true that you had seen Taehyung a little less over the past month or so but it wasn’t like you hadn’t seen him at all. You had someone else in your life now; you would’ve thought Taehyung would have been a little relieved to get some time back, to be honest. 

“Well, what about you?” you asked. “You’re spending all your time with the barista.” 

“Hyunjin. And I’m really not. I still have plenty of time for my other friends. For you.” 

“Are you suggesting that I’m not making time for you?” 

He shrugged.  

“I know you’re really into Sungbin right now and things are going well and that’s great. I’m genuinely fucking stoked for you and I hope that it’s everything you want it to be, but I feel a little tossed aside, yeah. Especially because I’m the one who’ll have to pick up any pieces if it goes south.” 

That hurt. Coming from Taehyung, that really hurt. 

“Why do you think it’ll go south?” 

“I’m not saying that it will but you’re honeymooning hard right now and it kind of feels like you’re putting a lot of eggs into one basket. You’re ditching me to spend all your time with a guy you’ve know-” 

“I’m not ditching you!” 

“I’m just saying you’re letting yourself be taken over by this. You haven’t seen me outside of work for ages. I know you didn’t go to therapy last wee-” 

“How do you know that?” 

“I know when your appointments are and you were posting on Instagram with a cocktail in your hand at the time.” 

“What makes you think I didn’t rearrange the session?” 

“Did you?” 

No, you didn’t. You skipped that one. Just one. That would hardly hurt. And you were feeling so happy right now, the need for therapy had receded a little, dipping past the horizon, not entirely out of sight, but almost out of mind.  

“That is exactly what I’m saying-” 

“No, what exactly are you saying? Is this about wanting to see me more or is it about telling me that me and Sungbin are going to crash and burn?” 

You could feel tears burn in your eyes and you desperately wanted not to cry. You always cried. All the time. It was exhausting and embarrassing and you were at work, right now – you didn’t have time for this.  

Taehyung’s eyes softened and this made your tears well even more.  

“I’m saying that I miss you and I’m worried. You are acting like he’s fixed you, like the only problem in your life was that you were single and now you’re not so everything must be perfect. But that’s not how things work and I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

“I’m not stupid,” you spat, your voice thick with unshed tears. “I don’t think he’s fixed me. I think he likes me. And I like him. And we are together-” 

“Are you?” 

“What?” 

“Have you had that conversation? Are you together?” 

“Well-… What about you and Hyunjin? Have you had that conversation?” 

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “We’re keeping it casual for now.” 

You didn’t like the sound of that. You hadn’t talked to Sungbin about it because you didn’t think you had to. You thought you were on the same page. Isn’t that what dating was? You dated and then, if you kept dating, you were in a relationship. It was automatic, by default. Why would you date someone if you didn’t want to keep doing it? If you didn’t imagine a relationship with the person, what was the point?  

You managed to blink your tears away but an uneasiness had settled in your stomach. What if you’d got it all wrong? Did Sungbin want to keep it casual? You didn’t. It was already too late for that. You were a goner. 

Maybe Taehyung was right. 

Was he? 

You sniffed. 

“Well maybe Sungbin and I aren’t.” 

“Does he know that?”  

Fresh tears. Anxiety. Your old friend insecurity crawling up your throat again. You should have known that this was coming, that there was a line you needed to acknowledge and either cross together or not at all. It hadn’t been like this with San because you had known each other so well before you got together, it really had been a foregone conclusion. This time, though... And there was so much Sungbin didn’t know about you, so much you knew you would have to share at some point and didn’t want to. The thought of revealing your ugliest self to him – to him, a flawless specimen of a man, inside and out, his parents’ pride, and the person you thought most about – was nauseating.  

You stood and walked off to the printers, pausing there only long enough for you to realise there was nothing you could pretend to print. Then you carried on to the kitchen, making yourself another coffee, even as the one Taehyung brought you was sitting, steaming, on your desk. 

“I’ve been thinking,” you began, sitting across from Sungbin at an outside table, running your finger up the wet glass of your iced latte. “What are you doing for Halloween?” 

He looked a little taken aback. 

“Halloween? In October?” 

“Yeah!” 

You held your palm tight against your glass, the discomfort of the cold playing distraction. You were trying to be casual about this. It was normal. Of course you’d make plans. Why wouldn’t you? You fought off the voice in the back of your head saying that you wouldn’t if you were just ‘keeping things casual’. That was why you had to ask.  

“I... have no idea yet. It’s only August.” 

“That is true, but I’ve been thinking. Teddy always has this massive party for Halloween and does costumes and everything and I would like, this year, to outdo him.” 

The party thing was true. Taehyung did throw one every year. And he did always have a good costume... You also always had a good costume, because he planned and bought it for you, but Sungbin didn’t need to know that part.  

“Wow, if he’s planning it this early, it must be big.” 

“Oh, no, he’s not yet, but I want to get a head start. Like I said, this year I think we can beat him at his costume game.” 

“We?” 

“Yeah, there are so many good couple costumes out there; it’ll make more of an impact if we do it together, right? Two is more than one etc.” 

“Right, yeah, uh... Sure.” 

“We don’t have to decide right now, but get your thinking cap on. I am going to destroy Teddy this year and you’re going to do it with me!” 

He chuckled a little and you thought this was good. Halloween was, as he suggested, months away, but he hadn’t said no. That counted for something. You ploughed on. 

“Also, what do you think to a double date?” 

“Oh. Um, who with?” 

“Teddy and Hyunjin. They actually got together the night we met! Might be fun. Also, to be honest, I really want Teddy to meet you. It’s been long enough, haha; you need his seal of approval!” 

“A test?” 

“Yep. He’s my bestie so he has to approve.” 

“Right. Yeah... Ok. You and he are really close, then?” 

“Yep. And, besides, it gets to a point where someone’s seen you have enough breakdowns that you have to keep them close: he knows too much!” 

There was a pause and you could see Sungbin considering his words. You fought the urge to move it on, to brush over it, to drop a hundred words a second to blow past it. But you also just had to... check, to let him know, to try to drip-feed him the information you, truthfully, didn’t want him to have but knew that he had to have, if this was ever going to be serious. It made you anxious, slowly revealing your brokenness to him, pushing him closer and closer to the threshold at which he might say ‘stop, that’s enough; I don’t want you anymore’. He hadn’t yet, but you’d barely begun.  

“Breakdowns, huh?” 

“Yep. Although, actually, while it was Teddy who held me together after the break-up, it was my ex who really did the heavy lifting before that.” 

Sungbin nodded thoughtfully and you didn’t know if you imagined his eyes flicking down to your thighs or not. Probably imagined. But it wasn’t like the two didn’t go hand in hand. 

“Sounds rough.” 

“It was. Both times, haha.” 

He nodded again. 

That was enough, you thought. That had to be enough disclosure for now. You could feel it pressing on you, like the oppressive summer humidity; you felt stifled by your exposure, almost a little giddy with the force of your discomfort. If this is what it was like, revealing your darkness to someone, you crossed all your fingers, hoped, and prayed that this thing with Sungbin would last so that you would never have to do it again.  

* 

You went home with him that night and there was a background buzz of something in your head, this kind of vertigo-swirling of standing too close to the edge of a cliff, an unsteadiness of foot that Sungbin was able to kiss away but which came back two-fold when you were lying naked in his bed. You tried to look at yourself, discreetly, objectively; what did you look like to him? Was he looking at you differently now, tonight, armed with new knowledge? What did he really know? What had he taken from the things you had said? You didn’t want to ask him, didn’t want to talk about it more, didn’t want to have to explain and elucidate and make explicit things that you hoped he would infer.  

He didn’t seem different, then, didn’t turn off the light or kiss you goodnight any differently from the way he had before. Maybe it was fine. Maybe your brokenness wasn’t fatal. Or so you could dream. 

“Last day, baby!” you cried when Yoongi put his bag on the counter at your very last baking session. 

“So it is,” he replied, cool as ever. 

You shoved him. 

“Be excited! We made it! We’re bakers!” 

He rolled his eyes and grinned. 

“A rather generous term for yourself, isn’t it?” 

You shoved him again. 

“How dare you? Do I need to remind you of last week’s triumph? Or should I say my triumph and your tragedy?” 

You weren’t being entirely fair. Yoongi’s buns had failed because he had taken on the risk of your illicit ingredient, allowing you to follow the recipe correctly. It was gallant, really. He even said that his buns were alright, not that bad, kind of ok which you knew without having to try them was untrue.  

“Should I remind you who is responsible for my tragedy?” 

“No, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

You grinned at each other and started unpacking your bags. It felt easy between the two of you now. Long gone was your anxiety that used to accompany Thursday evenings, that gnawing embarrassment and glowing shame that you used to feel in Yoongi’s proximity, sure that you were the worst person in the world and that he wanted to get away from you, desperate as you were for his friendship and approbation. You didn’t have to be desperate anymore, because you had it. You were friends. In the spirit of said friendship, you had agreed to celebrate your last baking class tomorrow, so you could get as drunk as you liked without having to suffer the consequences in the office. 

* 

“Generous term,” you scoffed, looking at your layered cake at the end of the session, assembled and decorated and still standing. “How very dare you. Look at what I’ve made! I’m a genius!” 

Yoongi laughed quietly and swiped a finger through the buttercream frosting on top before you could swat his hand away. He put it to his mouth. 

“Yeah, it’s not bad.” 

“Not bad!” 

You swiped a finger through the frosting on top of his cake. 

“Yours tastes like shit.” 

“Well, now you’re just being mean and I won’t let you have a slice.” 

“Fine.” You turned your back on him to put some things in your bag and then turned back. “I didn’t want to eat your shit cake, anyway!” 

“You had better be careful or I’ll bring this as dessert for tomorrow.” 

You gasped. 

“You wouldn’t dare.” 

Yoongi turned to face you head-on, a smirk on his lips, mischief in his eyes. 

“Wouldn’t I?” 

You mirrored his expression and crossed your arms. 

“I won’t let you in my apartment.” 

“Not even for the booze?” 

You faltered. You didn’t buy the expensive shit that he did. You still fully believed that expensive alcohol didn’t give you such bad hangovers. You didn’t want to lose this spat, didn’t want to come out of the bit, but also didn’t want to say no to booze. 

“You can leave the booze on my doorstep and go.” 

Yoongi broke first and laughed loud, tipping his head back. 

“You’re spoilt,” he said. 

You sniffed haughtily. 

“I deserve nice things.” 

Then he gave you that smile that he did sometimes, warm and soft, that made you feel like a broken open caramel truffle, oozing and sweet and sticky, like the two of you were stuck together, sugary fingerprints on your skin and a brown sugar taste on your lips. It was like a secret smile, for special occasions; you wondered who else got to see it.  

“Yeah, you do,” he agreed. “Which is why I’m bringing this cake to dinner tomorrow!” 

You groaned and pretended to fall, dead, to the floor. Yoongi laughed again.  

“I mean it.” He packed the last of his things in his bag. “I’m going to bring this and you’re going to eat it and like it.” 

“Over my dead body.” 

“If I recall correctly, I do, in fact, owe you a murder, so that can certainly be arranged.” 

You both laughed this time and you could think of much worse ways to go, much worse last things to see before you died. Yoongi picked up his stuff and his cake and turned to leave. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“With bells on!” you called after him. 

You had taken the Friday afternoon off, just to make sure you had enough time to shop and prepare and, gulp, cook dinner for Yoongi who you were expecting that evening. It was a celebration of your finishing the class but it was also a sign of intention, a new set-up for this kindling friendship that didn’t have anywhere else to meet. You’d take turns: one of you would cook and one would bring dessert and you’d alternate fortnightly. You weren’t sure whether you’d got the short straw to be tasked with dinner first or if you’d rather it were this way. You got the feeling Yoongi was a good cook and you didn’t want to have to follow that, but it felt like a lot of pressure being the first to host. You felt a little embarrassed of your shoebox apartment and cheap things and you knew Yoongi would never care—you knew he would understand completely—but it made you feel a little small, that this was all you had to offer.  

Never mind, you said to yourself. He didn’t care and neither would you. It wasn't about the venue; it wasn’t even really about the food. It was about the company. It was about making a space and a time for you and Yoongi to hang out. It was about making a commitment to taking your friendship outside of its bounds and cultivating it. That was what mattered and that was all you needed to focus on.  

You were scrolling on your phone, looking for recipes when a message from Sungbin came in. 

Sungbin: hey I’m wfh today. I'm about to have lunch can you come over? 

Obviously, the answer was yes. You did your best to make yourself look presentable in a rush and hot-footed it across the river to him.  

* 

“I ordered food, hope that’s ok,” Sungbin said as he gestured to the dining table where two bags of lunch had been placed. 

“Sure! I’ll eat whatever.” 

It felt a little strained, like the world had twisted itself into an uncomfortable position, but you put it down to the fact that you had never been to his apartment during the day before. He was also working; maybe he hadn’t shrugged off his focus yet. His job was still new and still stressful and this lunch was interrupting it. He was quiet as he sat down and you felt stifled. He ate a forkful and another. Then he put his fork down. 

“Thanks for coming all this way. I really wanted to speak to you but work is really hectic so I can’t get away.” 

“Yeah, no worries! I have this afternoon off anyway, so it’s no big deal.” 

“Oh right. Good. Um.” 

You thought to yourself that you were getting good at this: letting silence reign. Maybe it was all the time you’d spent with Yoongi; maybe it was all the time you’d spent in therapy. Maybe it was a sign that you weren’t letting your anxiety run your mouth anymore – even if you really, really wanted it to. 

“I thought we should talk,” is how he began. 

“About what?” Your guts twisted as you asked. 

“I know you were talking the other day about all sorts of plans and things and I just wanted to be clear about... where we are. What we are.” 

“Oh, right.” Your voice was airy and thin, even your lungs being squeezed by this cold-creeping fear working through your body. 

“I really enjoy spending time with you and I’d like to continue that but, ah, I’m not looking for anything serious. I don’t want... a relationship, y’know? I just moved here and I’m still finding my feet and getting to know everyone and everything and I don’t want to, uh, settle into anything? And I get the feeling that... you do. I didn’t want, um, wires to be crossed or uh, I didn’t want things to get complicated or- I just thought we should talk before it went on any longer. I wanted to just make myself clear. I would like to keep seeing you but I think you want... more than I do. If I’m wrong, just tell me, sorry if I’ve assumed but I, uh, just, get the feeling...” 

“Right.”  

Your eyes were already blurry with tears. Here it was. The other shoe dropping. Taehyung was right. Sungbin didn’t want you. Not really. He knew who you were and he didn’t want you. You tried to tiptoe into it; you tried to slowly heat the water in the pan but you’d overcooked it. The frog was jumping out. You wanted more. Too much. More than he wanted. He didn’t want you. He didn’t want you that much. He didn’t want your broken parts. He didn’t want your ugliness. He saw your scars and he heard of your breakdowns and he knew that was ‘more’, too much. He didn’t want to carry you. He would have to carry you if you went on for too much longer. You had to be carried because that’s who you were: you weren’t enough, not even enough to lift yourself up. All your good parts, the shiny parts, the parts you thought you had in you somewhere... It wasn’t enough.  

“It’s not-” Sungbin was trying to start again, to explain, to let you down even more gently. “I like you; I think you’re a cool person and we have fun. I just can’t commit to more than that. I don’t want to lead you on or pretend this is going somewhere it’s not. Y’know, I really appreciate you making all these plans and things but that’s just- it's really, well, it’s a bit too much for me right now. Do you know what I mean?” 

You nodded and hummed and bit your lip to stop it wobbling. Your face was burning with embarrassment: that you were being dumped, that you were crying about it when this hadn’t even been real to start with. It had never been what you thought it was. It was just fun. You had pictured parties and holidays and walking off into the sunset but that was just you. It had never been that for Sungbin.  

He didn’t want you. Like a woodpecker pecking at your skull, it hit you again and again: he didn’t want you. He didn’t want you. You tried to show yourself to him and then he didn’t want you. You took him to your water’s edge and he decided not to swim. You should have seen this coming. You should have heeded Taehyung’s warnings. You should have had this conversation before now.  

You could feel yourself spiralling, crumbling, sitting at his table with an uneaten salad bowl in front of you. You couldn’t speak because you didn’t know what to say. ‘Please just love me’? ‘Can’t you change your mind’? ‘What if I were different’? ‘I can change’? Would anything make a difference? You couldn’t be different. Not really. It hit you at that moment: you would always be you. All of these things that you had been doing to try to change, to be better, to grow, to stop being such a mess all of the time. They wouldn’t work. Couldn’t work. Couldn’t change who you were. What you were. You’d always just be... this. 

“Yeah, I understand,” you whispered, your voice trapped in your strangled throat. “I have to go.” 

You stood and whirled around, heading immediately for the door, shoving your feet in your shoes any which way, as long as they stayed on long enough for you to escape. 

“No, wait, hold on!” Sungbin called, following after you. “Don’t just go, please. I want to talk- I don’-” 

But you were opening the door and running down the corridor and he was calling, but not running, after you.  

You wanted to break down, just fall to the floor in a heap and stay there until the ground ate you up but you had to get out of his building. The lift was stifling, a too small metal box with mirrored walls that showed you your red eyes and running nose and face contorted with the effort of trying not to cry, with the fact that you were crying anyway.  

You had never felt so stupid. Humiliated. You wanted to scrape your skin from your body with the shame of it. Of course he didn’t want a relationship with you. A man who already loved you and loved you for years didn’t want a relationship with you anymore; why would Sungbin, with the world at his feet, settle for you?  

* 

You were crying on the subway again. You had sworn you wouldn’t do that. Not after the break-up. Not once you’d finally stopped crying over San. You weren’t going to be that person, that’s what you’d said. No one took any notice; no one said anything; everyone averted their eyes, but you could still feel their attention, were still so aware of the way they were not noticing you. You were a weirdo, a pathetic woman crying on the subway in the middle of a Friday afternoon.  

When you got off the train, you considered throwing yourself on the tracks. You would never have done it. Too many people around. A traumatised driver. Delayed and cancelled trains. Compounding your worthlessness by ruining other people’s days? You hadn’t sunk that low, not yet.  

You traipsed home, your feet feeling lead-heavy, your legs feeling weak and, as soon as the door to your apartment closed behind you, you dropped to the floor. You gasped in huge, choking sobs; you couldn’t see for your tears and could barely breathe. Your chest felt as though it were caving in on you, squeezing the life out of you. You dragged your nails across your skin to try to feel something else, something different, some other kind of pain and then a thought came to you, sharper than it had been for months, clear before where it had been vague. A directive, not just a thought anymore. 

There was a reason you didn’t keep razors in the house but your nails certainly weren’t cutting it. Then you remembered the knives Yoongi had bought you, how he had impressed upon you that they were sharp, that they were good quality and barely used so they should still, now, be sharp. You dragged your body to the kitchen counter and ripped open a drawer. You picked one at random – it didn’t matter which – and sat back down. You shuffled to pull off your cycle shorts and there they were, your mosaic thighs, criss-crosses of light, thin lines and thicker scar tissue. You had always taken a weird pride in the neatness of it. You had always cut carefully and deliberately, as though you were creating something other than scars, other than a mess, other than something you had to hide from everyone. You went over them again, re-cutting all the old lines, each sharp slice of pain a relief, grounding, pulling you back from somewhere.  

The relief made you feel hysterical, silly even, the strange, old euphoria of hurting yourself, of being in control of that hurt rushing through you and making you dizzy. It was like coming home. Your breathing came more smoothly and your heart slowed and your tears began to dry and you couldn’t stop, not yet. You had to see how far you could go. A little more. You needed just a little more. You had plenty of real estate; you could make more. You could expand the design, your bloody, little, monochromatic Mondrian.  

You felt empty when you stopped. Drained. Exhausted. Sick to your stomach. You let yourself fall sideways, lying on your dirty kitchen floor. You had nothing left in you. You lay there, unmoving, letting your brain tell you whatever it wanted. You didn’t care anymore. About anything. You had nothing. You had nothing to give and no one to give it to anyway. If you blipped out of existence, well, that would be the best-case scenario. Like Buffy’s key in reverse. Blink, and you had never existed at all. That would have been nice.  

It would still be nice. If you could just disappear off the face of the earth. You couldn’t bear to look towards the future – a future you didn’t want, that you knew wouldn’t be better than this. The thought of it made your soul shrivel, made you dig your nails into your reddened thighs, made you cringe and wince. When would it be over? Why couldn’t it be now?  

* 

You distantly heard your intercom ring but it felt as if it were coming from another world. You were gone. You were out of this world. No one missed you. Your apartment was a glitch, a tiny black hole where no one could go and no one wanted to go. It rang for what could have been a short time or a long time—you'd lost all sense of it. Then you heard knocking at your door.  

Then more knocking. 

Then something akin to thumping. 

“Hey,” Yoongi’s voice rang cleanly through the wood and metal. “Are you in?” 

Your phone started buzzing noisily on your side of the door, rattling against the floor bar in the entryway. Then there was silence for a while. You assumed he had gone away. 

Your door beeped and swung open and there were footsteps, the quiet flomp of shoes hitting the floor, the rustle of a carrier bag. You remembered you had given him your codes in the interest of fairness -- you did have his, after all. You felt so detached from everything that you didn’t know how you felt about that. Yoongi quietly called out for you. You didn’t respond. Didn’t even feel like you could.  

Your apartment was small enough that he could survey the entire space in a few small steps, so he would barely have to enter before he would see you. You knew the moment he did; you felt the way the air was sucked out of the room for a second. You felt him freeze, could hear the seconds tick by on the clock on the wall. Then he came into your line of sight, kneeling in front of you, saying your name. 

“Fuck, don’t be dead,” he whispered.  

He held his hand underneath your nose and felt you breathing. You felt the weight of the sigh that left him.  

“Shit, fuck.” 

He bent over, turning his head to try to catch your eyes; you could see him but you weren’t looking at him. You weren’t looking at anything. He was a blurry approximation of a man in front of you. He called your name for a third time.  

“You, uh, are you alright? ... fuck, fucking stupid. No, obviously not. Fuck. Ok. Uh. I-. Can I... What can I do?” 

You couldn’t give him an answer. It was as if all speech and movement had been taken from you. You really had nothing left. You couldn’t give him anything. You felt like a husk and that was all you wanted to be. 

“Shit, what should I do? I.. I do-. Well. Ok. Can you sit up?”  

You couldn’t even shake your head. You were aware of him continuing to mutter to himself. He stood up and disappeared for a minute or two; you heard the open and shut of cupboards, the rifling through of your jars and bottles and boxes. He returned with a light load. 

“I have to-” he started. “I’m going to. You.. I have to- I'm going to touch you, ok? I have to lift you up?” 

He hesitated as he came closer but was firm when he gripped your arms and lifted your body off the floor, pulled you sitting upright. You tipped your head back against the cupboard and a deep sigh pushed air from your lungs.  

“I still have to- this might hurt. You don’t have much stuff. I, uh, yeah, ok. I have to clean this.” 

You closed your eyes when he pressed a soaked cotton pad to your thigh. The burning sting of antiseptic made you feel a little bit alive but it was so short-lived.  

He was muttering again. 

“Fucking hell. I can’t. You don’t have anything useful. How am I-. What... This is... Fuck, this is going to need stitches. Is it?” 

You’d almost never heard him talk so much, not like this, not to himself, not with all these half-finished, curtailed sentences, this stopping and starting. Yoongi was straight-forward, even when he was feeling chatty. This Yoongi was going around in circles.  

When your eyes finally focused on him, he looked pale, paler than usual. A little grey possibly. His mouth was pulled in a taut, grim line when he wasn’t mumbling himself through the task.  

“Still fucking bleeding? Shit, did I make it bleed again? I can’t- I...” 

He sat back a little and looked at you; his eyes were sharp and focused and you couldn’t look at them. Yoongi took your chin in his hand, less gently than you might have expected, and he held you there until you looked at him.  

“How can you not have a fucking first-aid kit? What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?” The anger in his voice registered only dimly. “There’s a pharmacy on the corner and I’m going to go there.” He paused and his eyes were steely and his jaw tight as he worked his brain around how to say what he needed to. “I’m going to go and I’m going to come back and if I get back here and you’re dead, I am going to kill you, ok? I know I promised to kill you but I was fucking joking and you’re not allowed to be dead. Is that clear?” 

His face softened as he waited for an answer. You managed to nod your head. He held you a few more seconds before he stood and walked out.  

* 

It could have been only seconds or it could have been hours until he returned—you neither knew nor cared—but he did return and he dropped a plastic bag on the floor beside you. He tipped it upside down and dumped its contents. He wasn’t looking at you now, not at your face, just at your legs, as he cleaned and tended and muttered to himself some more. He unwrapped bandages and folded over gauze and you let him lift your legs and place them back down. You let him do whatever he needed to, wanted to. It didn’t matter.  

When he was finished, he sat back and sighed. He ran a hand through his hair and you saw his eyes alight on something to your left. You couldn’t read the expression that came over his face. Something like horror, something like disgust, something like despair. He leaned forward onto his hands and grabbed the offending object; he threw it into the sink with a metallic clatter.  

He sat opposite you for some time. You didn’t say anything. Neither did he. You felt hollow. You could hear it, the wind howling through your empty spaces. You felt like you were all empty space. Just an echo of nothingness trapped in skin. Every part of you hurt, as if the pain were radiating out from your heart, filling the void inside you with a sharp, persistent ache. You couldn’t talk. You couldn’t bring yourself to do it, to have to hear yourself, hear your existence continuing in the world. It hurt. As long as you were silent, you could fade away, you told yourself. Just disappear. Yoongi would go and you would be alone and you could just disappear. 

“Do you want to eat?” he asked. “You should eat.”  

The thought evidently set him on a path because he stood and opened your fridge, opened your cupboards, looking for food. He stepped over you and then stopped, foot in mid-air. He turned back to you. 

“If I’m going to cook, you’re in the way. Can you move?” 

You blinked. You sighed. You looked down. Then you felt his arms wrap around you as he pulled you to your feet. It was an awkward drag and shuffle to the sofa, your feet tripping over themselves, Yoongi lifting but not really carrying you.  

“Fuck, sorry,” he said on a heavy exhale as you dropped like a stone onto the sofa. “I’m going to cook now.” 

* 

He held a bowl out in front of you and, when you didn’t take it, he picked up your hands and placed them against the ceramic, lowering it all into your lap. Then he sat next to you. 

“Eat.” 

You looked at the food, steaming hot; it smelt nice. You wondered what on earth it was and how he could have found the right ingredients in your house. You were still not exactly domesticated, despite your efforts. Yoongi kicked your foot. 

“I mean it. Eat.” 

You sighed and continued staring into the bowl. Eating would mean conceding to living, to staying alive. You felt defeated but you also wanted to avoid this defeat. Everything about you felt wrong. Hideous. Like things were crawling beneath your skin. You didn’t want to continue that existence. You didn’t want to feed it. 

Yoongi took the bowl from your hands and placed it on your coffee table. 

“Fine,” he said. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Absolutely not. You shook your head.  

“What do you want to do? I don’t know what to do. What can I do?” 

You, again, fell sideways, lying on the sofa with your legs still dangling down. It wasn’t entirely comfortable but that hardly mattered. You couldn’t answer; you didn’t know.  

Then Yoongi did something that you wouldn’t in a thousand years have expected him to. Just as you had, in his apartment, weeks ago, he crawled behind you and wrapped his arms around you. You stiffened, convinced for a second you might split and shatter. He was warm and soft and you could smell his hair and his breath tickled your neck and it hurt so much. It all hurt so much.  

You breathed in deep and when you exhaled, you choked, crying again. You didn’t know you had more in you. You had thought you were dry, but just as there was no end to your sadness, there apparently was no end to your tears.  

You lay there, letting him hold you as you cried, letting the sun lower in the sky, letting the stars come out.  

“I’m fucking sick of it,” you gasped. “Sick of it, sick of it, sick of it.” 

“Sick of what?” 

“Everything. I hate it. I hate everything. I hate it. I hate being alive. I hate being me. I can’t stand it. I don’t know how people do it. I just want it to stop. I just want it to stop.” 

“Life?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I get it. I don’t want you to stop being you, though. For what it’s worth.”  

You couldn’t hear that kind of thing. Not now. You couldn’t take it. 

“You just don’t know me,” you whispered, your voice hoarse from crying and thick from new tears.  

“Tell me, then.” 

“I fucking suck.” 

“How?” 

“Literally everything I am. Fundamentally flawed. I’m broken and stupid and I can’t be normal and no one can ever love me because I’m this. I’m just this all the time and I can’t get better and I thought that I could but it’s just me and my fucking broken head and I ruin everything. I ruin everything for everyone and always will and no one can stand me. No one can and I don’t fucking blame them. I can’t stand me either. It makes me sick to be such a useless heap of junk. I’m a worthless waste of space because what is the point of me? What do I do? I need people, I cling to people, I make myself their problem until they can’t take it anymore. I’m depressed and stupid and I will never achieve anything and never do anything and I might as well just die right now because who cares? Literally who cares. I tried and I fucking tried but I’m still me and I can’t run from it or change it and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to be here. I don’t know what to do anymore. There is nothing for me. The future is black and it’s bleak because I’ll be there. I’m always there. I can’t get away from myself. I can’t bear it. I have to live like this? For years? More and more years? Twenty? Or thirty? Forty years of this? It makes me sick to think about. I can’t think about it. I can’t think about having to be alive like this for another day let alone any longer. I hate it. I hate being me and I hate being alive and I just wish I wasn’t. I wish I could just disappear. I’m a broken, useless, fucked in the head piece of shit and no one will ever love me because they can’t. I’m unlovable. I’m this and it makes me unlovable but I can’t change it so I will always be unlovable and I can’t do it. I can’t live like that. I can’t do it anymore.” 

You took a deep, shuddering breath and Yoongi said nothing. He was quiet for long enough for your shame to creep back in, curling its fingers around the door frame and pulling itself in, unbidden and unwanted. You were embarrassed now, again. You felt stupid. Again. You felt pointless and petty and pathetic and you were about to shrug Yoongi off, to tell him to leave, to crawl into your bed and hide under the sheets when his arms tightened around you. You heard as well as felt him take a deep breath. 

“Yeah, I understand.”  

There was a pregnant pause and Yoongi cleared his throat. 

“But I don’t think any of those things about you. For what it’s worth.” 

Chapter Four | Masterlist | Chapter Six