#is the stupidest thing I’ve seen in a VERY long time

[adonis-koo]

Does Twitter ever get tired of being mad???

[forays-into-fiction]

I Hate You... But Not Really

Eddie and you have been best friends for as long as you can remember and you’ve been crushing on him for about as long. He starts dating Chrissy however and jealousy rears its ugly head for both you and Jason. Jason has the bright idea to “date” each other to make them jealous instead. Nothing goes as planned... or does it?

Request fill for Anon, hope you like it... this one ended up being very long lol.

Minors DNI

Contains: Fake Dating/Fake Relationship (Jason/Reader), Eddie/Reader, Eddie/Chrissy, Jason/Chrissy, Bestfriend!Eddie, Virgin!Reader, A Little Bit of Angst, Loss of Virginity, Protected Sex 

You had decided to take lunch in the library today, curling up with a book instead. It wasn’t that unusual for you to skip lunch and hang out in the library, you had to get away from the rowdy Hellfire boys and their antics every now and then.

However, since Eddie had started dating Chrissy, you’d spent more and more time in the library rather than be subjected to their lovey-dovey nonsense. If you had to see them, make goo-goo eyes at each other one more time you might actually explode. 

God forbid she ever showed up at a Hellfire session you’d up and leave the club if that ever happened. You were trying to be happy for him, happy that he was happy, but it was hard when they just had to go and rub it in your face.

That’s where he finds you, tucked away in a corner reading quietly when he breaks the silence.

“y/l/n!” He whisper-yells as he approaches you.

“What is it, Carver? I’m not in the mood for your shit today.” His presence only serves to worsen your sour mood.

“Ok, since when did you get so sassy?”

“Fuck off, I told you I’m not in the mood. What?”

“Well, I’m… I’ve come with a proposal of sorts…” he drawls.

“Jesus Christ, get to the point.” You huff.

“Look, I know we’ve had our differences…” You scoff, he continues, “…but I think we’re both in the same little predicament.”

“Oh, yeah and what’s that?”

“You know Chrissy left me for the Freak-.”

“Hey, don’t call him that!” You can’t help but defend him, even now when you’re mad at him.

“Ok, for… Munson, and it’s kinda obvious the way you pine over him.”

“I DO NOT ‘pine’. You’ve had that same stupid joke since we were ten get over it, Eddie and I are just friends.”

“But that’s not what you want is it? You want it to be more than that and I want Chrissy to take me back, so…”

“So, what…? I’m not following.”

“Geez and I thought you were the smart one. We make them angry, jealous… we date each other to rile them up.”

“God that has to be the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard. I’m not dating you, Carver.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be… not really anyway. We’d just pretend long enough to each get what we want.”

“And why exactly would either of them even care?”

“I don’t know what’s going on with Chrissy that she’d leave me and especially for that…” You give him a warning glare, he continues, “…for him, but I know she doesn’t really love him. She loves me, I love her we… we had plans to get married-”

“Oh, wow that is pathetic, marriage? You’re fucking eighteen get over yourself. Maybe that’s why she left you.”

“No, it’s not, it was her idea actually… that doesn’t matter. Anyway, I’ve seen the way Munson looks at you, he’s got feelings for you even if he won’t admit it.”

“So, what? How would that even work?”

“We go on ‘dates’, get seen together doing couple-y shit, see how they react and go from there I guess.”

“Ok, but what ‘couple-y shit’ are we talking about here, cause I’m not fucking sleeping with you.”

“Jesus, I never said you would! It’s not like I’d want to either. I dunno like the normal stuff, holding hands, maybe some kissing that kind of thing.”

“I’m gonna need a whole lot more outta this than ‘Eddie might have feelings’ for me to do anything with you.”

“Am I really that bad?”

“Yes actually, you are.”

“Fine, I’ll pay you.”

“Eww you creep. I don’t want your money.”

“Then what will it take?”

You ponder for a moment before answering, what would it take? You reach a decision, “You have to be nicer to all the Hellfire guys from now on. Or at least civil with us, even after you get Chrissy back.”  

“Ok, but what about if Munson tries to start shit?”

“Then you ignore him, be the bigger man or whatever.”

“Alright fine.” He concedes.

“Fine.” You huff back in response.

“So, like do you want to set up a schedule or something?”

You glance at the clock on the wall, “Look, lunch is almost over why don’t we just meet up on the weekend and sort out the details then…”

You reach into your backpack, pulling out a notebook and pen you scrawl across a page before tearing it out, “… here is my address, just come past around noon.”

He takes the slip of paper folding it and placing it in his back pocket, “Sure, I’ll see you then.”

He turns and saunters off while you pack away your belongings and begin heading to your next class.

He stands on your front porch and jabs at the doorbell, you’re not too far off and answer quite quickly.

“Y/l/n.” He nods his head in greeting.

“We’re going to at least have to call each other by our first names, you know?” You usher him inside, lingering in the front hall.

“Right, yeah that’s true. Ummm, do we… do we use pet names too or…?”

You shrug, continuing as you lead him through to the living room, “I mean maybe… that is something couples do.”

He looks around taking in his surroundings, “Your parents home?”

“No. No, they’ve gone out for lunch with some friends. So, take a seat I guess and let’s get to… whatever the hell this is.” You gesture to the couch.

He does so more awkwardly than you would’ve expected from him, was he nervous? No that couldn’t be it, not Mr. Cocksure Big-shot Basketball Captain.

“So, uh… y/n…” he begins, tentatively testing out your name, “how about we start with some ground rules, lay out all the do’s and don’t’s and what each of us expects from this.”

“Well, let’s start with the obvious, no sex, in fact nothing past first base. You may call me common pet names, like babe, baby, honey, when appropriate, but never sweetheart. No one can know the truth, everyone has to actually believe we’re dating and happy together for it to work. Also on that note, how did this supposedly start? Why did I suddenly get over all your years of torment and fall into your arms?”

“Ok, well that was a lot all at once. Um I guess yes to all of the aforementioned, I will add that I will pay for any ‘dates’ that we do go on. I’d feel weird if I didn’t, even if this isn’t real. Also you have to show up to my games, all the big ones at least. But as to the last part I don’t really know… I uh apologised…” he replies uncertainly, with a slight wince.

“Oh, that’s all it took you said sorry and suddenly I was swooning over you?”

“I don’t know, it was a really good apology?”

“Ok let’s hear it then. Like you mean it too.”

“What?”

“This grand apology that was supposedly enough for me to forget what a fucking jackass you are to me and all my friends.”

“O-ok… ummm y/n…” he trails off.

“Wow solid start there bud you wanna maybe continue, you didn’t even say the words ‘I’m sorry’.”

“I’m thinking ok! When did you become such a bitch anyway, thought you were all quiet and shy and shit?”

“Oooh yeah, that’ll really sell it call me a bitch-”

He cuts you off quickly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. It’s just, this is hard, ok?”

“Can’t be harder than the shit you put Eddie and me through.” You grumble.

“Ok I’m sorry, really, I am. I don’t even know why I gave you shit, you actually seem kinda normal enough. I guess it was just ‘cause you were always around him, always defending him. Why even hang around that creep anyway?” He answers surprisingly earnestly.

“‘Creep’ isn’t any better than ‘freak’ you know.”

“See, like that always defending him.”

“He’s my friend, surely you know what that’s like or at least have some concept of it? And don’t give me some “oh being popular is a curse you never know who your friends really are’ type shit.”

“Of course, I have friends… it’s just no one has ever defended me like that.”

“Maybe ‘cause you’ve never needed it, anyway that is entirely beside the point. We’ve gotten derailed, let’s try to get this back on track.”

“You believe that I am sorry, right?”

“I believe that you think that, but it’s good enough. Just maybe leave out the bits about insulting my best friend in your apology and it’s fine.”

“I am sorry.”

“Ok, so you apologised and then what? How did it get from mutual understanding to ‘I’m madly in love with you.’?”

“As part of my apology I offered to buy you dinner, extend an olive branch so to speak. At dinner we actually hit it off and find that we don’t actually hate each other. Maybe we have some things in common and we decided to do it again.”

You hum in consideration, “Ok, sure we’ll go with that, but what do we actually have in common?”

“Not much I’d imagine, we… uhhh go to the same school, we’re in the same grade, ummm what… what kind of movies do you like, what sort of music do you listen to?”

“Well, my favourite movie genres are horror/thriller and fantasy. Music, it varies, but mainly rock I guess, like punk and alternative type stuff, I know my music taste surprises most people. I think they think that I’d have to be into like classical music or something for being so shy and bookish, even though I hang around a bunch of metalhead rockers.”

“I dunno none of that really works, I mean I don’t mind horror but it’s not my favourite. Ummm there… there is one thing that no one really knows about me…”

“Yeah, what’s that oh man of mystery?”

“Don’t… don’t make fun of me, please.”

“Why shouldn’t I?” You begin but catch sight of his pleading gaze and you fold, “Oh, alright fine, guess I’ll take my own advice and ‘be the bigger man’.”

“Thank you. Uhh… I actually like to read… like a lot, but I don’t let people see me when I do ‘cause I gotta wear these dorky glasses. I’ve had a few concussions and it’s messed with my vision.”

“Oh, ok I actually didn’t expect that at all. What sort of stuff do you read?”

“I like a lot of different things, stuff on history and war, sports… and um poetry…”

“Poetry? You, Jason Carver, read poetry?”

“Yeah, come on I said not to make fun of me.”

“No, I’m not… I’m not, it’s just not what I expected, the rest is yeah typical, I get that, but poetry? Does Chrissy know about this?”

“Yeah, she does. She also said she thinks my glasses are cute, but I don’t know, I think she was just saying that to make me feel better.”

“Ok, well I’m not all that into poetry myself, but history is alright, I guess. So, reading, we both like to read um anything else?”

“What about aspirations for after high school?”

“Well, you said you and Chrissy were thinking marriage, right?”

“Yeah, but not for a while yet, we’d have to get settled first, build careers so we can support ourselves.”

“Yeah, didn’t actually think you would’ve thought that far ahead, no offence. Personally, I’d like to get out of Hawkins for a start. Go to college, study maybe either something in writing or science, what about you?”

“Well, I’m aiming to get a basketball scholarship if I can, do something with that, but sports is kind of a high risk kinda deal. There’s no real guarantee. Not sure what my fallback could be, but I’m working on it.”

“That’s good. So, let’s recap. You apologised and took me out for dinner. I accepted and we got to know each other, found out we’re both readers and bonded over that. We shared our aspirations for after high school and agreed to do it again some time.”

“Yep, that all sounds about right, but don’t tell anyone about the glasses thing, ok?”

“Secret’s safe with me.”

“Thank you.”

“Ok, so the actual ‘dates’ is that going to be like a spontaneous thing or should we have a scheduled ‘date night’?”

“Scheduled date night sounds better to me, I can do Saturdays after practice?”

“Yeah, that works I guess, how are we going to balance your games and Hellfire though? They clash more often than not.”

“Well, can’t you guys reschedule your little cult meetings?”

“Jason,” you sigh exasperatedly, “you were doing so well too. It’s not a cult, it’s a Dungeon’s and Dragons club. And they will not reschedule for this. I can maybe get someone to sub for me every now and then, I guess.”

“It’s ok you only have to come to the big games, I’ll let you know which ones they are when they come up.”

“Sure ok, that’s settled. First ‘date’ next week, what are we going to do?”

He shrugs, “We could go to the cinema? I overheard Chrissy telling her friends that… Munson was going to take her to see ‘Pretty in Pink’.”

“Really, you want them to see us together that soon?”

“I dunno, why not?”

“Oh, no. No, we are nowhere near ready for that. It has to be really fucking believable before that happens.”

“Ok, so what do you think we should do?”

“I think the first few ‘dates’ should just be practice being around each other. Don’t try and focus on somewhere we can be seen, think somewhere we can both be comfortable.”

“I mean I’d say the library, it’d fit into our narrative, but then there’s the whole glasses thing.”

“Yeah, ok… um how about we actually go for dinner. Maybe somewhere less common for all the Hawkins High kids to be at.”

“Oh, there’s this restaurant my parents go to! It’s called Enzo’s. How about that?”

“Wouldn’t that be a little, um… expensive?”

“Yeah, but so what? I’m paying.”

“I dunno just makes me feel skeevy…”

“Don’t. I’m the one who suggested it. Think of it as reparations for years of bullying.”

“Ok, fine. Enzo’s then. When does your practice finish?”

“Four. So, we’ll make the dinner around seven, I’ll uh pick you up if you want or we could just meet there.”

“Um yeah you can pick me up, it’ll give us more time to go over our stories, get everything straight.”

“Ok cool.”

“Cool.”

“Uhh… now what?”

“Um I mean you can go…what else is there.”

“Yeah, sure I’ll go.” He stands awkwardly, you stand with him to escort him out.

He pauses at the door, “Should we… try to interact at school?”

“Yeah… nothing too extreme just yet, but yeah, I guess. Maybe just like greeting in the halls, small talk, that sort of stuff.” You shrug.

“Ok, so I guess we’re doing this… babe.”

“Uhhh… yeah I guess so… babe.” The word feels foreign on your tongue, using it to address Jason Carver of all people.

You open the door waving as he leaves and he waves back. You retreat back into the comfort of your home a little dumbfounded by how that had turned out. It was interesting, being forced to see him in a new light, as a multifaceted human being rather than just some dumb jock stereotype.

It’s like the world is working against you, any time you and Jason are together, Eddie and Chrissy are nowhere to be seen. It’s beginning to frustrate you, you know there is gossip going around the school about you two, but neither of them have given any indication that they’re aware of it. 

Not even the rest of the Hellfire Club have said anything. They all know you’re seeing someone you’ve told them as much, you had to give some explanation as to why you were missing Hellfire sesions so much. They all believe you’re in a happy relationship, they just haven’t seen it yet.

You’re on yet another date with Jason, you’d missed out on this session of Hellfire Club to go to one of his games and he suggested dinner at the diner afterwards. A few of his teammates and their girlfriend’s had come too, but you insisted on your own booth, it could be so stifling being around Jason’s friends.

“So, what actually happened with you and Chrissy, if you don’t mind me asking?”

He sets down his cutlery and sighs, beginning in a hushed tone, “She started pulling away from me, don’t know what I did, it wasn’t so much like she was mad… just distant. I don’t get it.”

“Hmm, you know it may not have been anything you did, maybe she was going through some personal stuff.”

“Yeah, but why wouldn’t she tell me, I could help her. Why did she turn to… him?”

“Look I can’t answer for her personally, but sometimes when I’m dealing with my own shit I retreat into myself. Don’t wanna feel like I’m burdening others with my problems… especially those I’m closest to. Usually when I get like that Eddie is the one to pull me up, dust me off so to speak and just get me through it. He’s good like that, very observant when he wants to be, he just knows when someone’s got it rough and he wants to help.”

Jason scoffs, “Yeah alright, all the girls going to Munson… what’s he got that I don’t.”

“Did you even listen to a word I said? It’s not about you or what you can offer. She’s probably just going through something, maybe something she’s ashamed of or is embarrassed about and doesn’t want you to know. Maybe she’s just worried about how you’ll see her if you find out.”

“I would never judge her for anything, she should know that. Instead, she turned around and left me for another guy.”

“Jason have you fucking seen yourself, you can be such a judgmental, righteous prick-”

“Hey, keep it down, you don’t want someone to hear you saying stuff like that if we’re going to pull off the ‘loving couple’ shit.” He hisses cutting you off.

You lower your voice slightly leaning in, hopefully from the outside it just looks like you’re two little lovebirds wrapped up in your own little world, “… you are a bully and you’ve shown that girls aren’t off limits, why would she think she can go to you with everything.”

He has the decency to look ashamed at that, “I am sorry you know… for how I treated you.”

“Fine, ok I got that, I’m moving past it, but can you see where I’m coming from?”

“I-I think so, but what can I do… what could I have done then? What if we get back together and something like this happens again?”

“I don’t know, it’s a complex thing, you gotta be patient with her. Push but not too hard, get her to see that you won’t judge her for anything. When she really believes that maybe she will accept your help when she needs it.”

“I guess… thank you. You know I haven’t really talked about this with anyone, it’s good to get stuff off my chest.”

“Yeah, that is the general idea, when you’re going through something you need someone that will listen. And look at you turning to ‘another girl’ for support.”

He rolls his eyes, “Yeah, I get it now, ok. You don’t have to rub it in.”

“Ok… you know deep down and I mean deep, deep down you’re not so bad. You know when you actually act like a human being.”

“Oh, careful that almost sounded like an actual compliment.”

“Shove off… I mean I get why you act the way you do, I guess. I know your popularity is important to you, but is it really more important than being yourself, was it worth losing someone you love?”

“Ummm… no, no it’s not...” He concedes, “…but it is what I gotta do to get where I wanna go.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it-”

He’s getting frustrated, you can tell, the way he clenches his fists, “No it’s not. If I’m not popular, I’m not basketball captain. If I’m not captain, I don’t get the recognition. If I don’t get the recognition, I don’t get a scholarship-”

You place a hand over his, “Stop, relax its ok I’ll drop it, just keep in mind Chrissy likes you for you… I’m assuming… and if she doesn’t, she’s not worth it, but that is going to be how you win her back… by being yourself.”

“Fine.” He grumbles.

“You gonna finish those?” You point to the last few fries on his plate that he’d been ignoring.

“Nah, have ‘em if you want and then we can get out of here. I’ll drop you off at yours.”

“Thank you.”

As you stand to leave, passing the other guys from the team, Jason nods his head towards them and you give them an awkward little wave, calling out, “Bye guys, see you around.”

Andy calls back, “What you guys leaving already? Don’t wanna come back to mine? My parents are gone for the weekend, I was thinking we could… party.”

Jason answers for the pair of you, to your surprise in the negative, “Nah, sorry man gotta take my girl home she’s feeling a bit tired. You know how it is?”

Andy gives him an exaggerated wink that makes your skin crawl, “Sure do man, you kids have fun.”

You tug on Jason’s arm and he escorts you out to his car, “Ugh why’d he have to be so gross?” You groan with a full-body shiver.

He responds as he starts up the car, “Oh, come on it wasn’t that bad… and isn’t that what we want? For people to think we’re a good, real couple… real couples have sex you know?”

“So… you and Chrissy then…?”

“Of course, me and Chrissy. What… did you expect us to be celibate or something?”

“No uh… I don’t know, it’s not like I think about you with her… like that.”

“What about you… have you ever…?”

“Uhh… no, umm… it’s not that I don’t want to, I just never… I mean…”

He holds up one hand in surrender, the other still on the wheel, “Hey, it’s fine, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

You let out a sigh, “Ok, yeah… I am tired you know? This shit is fucking exhausting.”

“Gee, thanks. Good to know being with me is exhausting.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just doing this is like constantly being on stage, putting on a performance… having to be so acutely aware of every action and everyone in the room.”

He’s silent for a moment, “Do you think… do you think maybe that’s how Chrissy feels with me?”

“I can’t answer for her, maybe that’s just something the two of you will have to figure out for yourselves.”

“Oh… ok.” He seems a little crestfallen.

“Sorry, I can’t give you a better answer.”

“Nah, that’s fine we’re almost at your place now.”

“We’ve gotten to know each other now, like really know each other, but there’s one thing I still don’t get.”

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“Why are you part of Munson’s little cult, I get maybe you didn’t have any other friends when we were kids but come on you could do so much better than that now.”

“Watch yourself there, Carver. You’re on thin ice…” you warn, “…and it’s not a cult. Ok, how bout I put it to you like this. That game we all play dungeons and dragons, what do you actually know about that?”

“Just that it’s some devil-worshipper thing…”

“See you’re wrong though, it’s not… at all. If anything, it’s the complete opposite cause you’re fighting against evil.”

He looks at you sceptically, you continue, “It’s just a little fantasy game, we’re not hurting anyone by playing a game. Look, you play basketball, you love basketball, there’s this whole culture around that. The way you feel about the game, your teammates, it’s not so different from Hellfire Club.”

“Yes, it is.” He protests.

“Just hear me out ok, D&D brings us together it gives us a sense of camaraderie we band together to fight the big bad evil guy, there’s strategy and an element of chance and everything can be decided by the roll of a die. I imagine scoring the final game wining point would feel the same as defeating the villain or pulling off an insane move that gets the party through untold dangers.”

“But-”

“Look, how about you just come to one of the Hellfire sessions see what it’s really like. You’ve got a bye this week, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but will they even let me through the door?”

“Yes, I’ll make sure they’re nice to you ok… but you gotta do the same.”

“I will.”  You shoot him a look, “I will, I promise.”

“Good.”

“Still doesn’t explain Munson though that guy is clearly…”

You stop him in his tracks with a pointed glare, “Yes… care to finish that statement?”

“Well, what I mean to say is he’s just so… so… oh the only words I can come up with are still devil-worshipper, with all his metal music and chains and leather, what do you see in him?”

“He’s a good guy,” he looks at you sceptically, “No really, he is, all of that hard-ass attitude stuff is just like a barrier to protect himself. He hasn’t had it easy and stuff like his music helps him cope. Is it really so bad that he is unapologetically himself?”

“Y/n the guy is crazy, jumping on tables, shouting off his little rants that make digs at the rest of the school, not to mention everything else.”

“He’s not crazy, he can be a bit dramatic but he’s got a point with that stuff. Like really why? Why do we get singled out and picked on for our interests when the basketball team can be celebrated for theirs?”

You rush to add,” I mean no offence by that, but really, we’re all here just trying get by, make it through one day at a time, find happiness where we can. He gives the outcasts of the school somewhere we can belong and he’s been my friend since about as far back as I can remember, always been there for me regardless of what he’s going through. He is a good guy.”

“I mean I guess… when you put it like that. I still don’t like him though.” He grumbles.

“I never asked you to like him just be civil with him and I’ll try to make sure he does the same.”

“Fine I can live with that.”

At lunch the next day you decide to broach the topic with the rest of Hellfire. When you get there she’s there, you shouldn’t be so surprised you guess, but it had been a few days since you sat with them for lunch.

The way she was dressed today was almost enough to turn your stomach… she was wearing his Hellfire shirt. You steeled yourself, no you weren’t going to let this get to you, all the more reason to invite Jason to Hellfire.

“Hey guys!” You greet everyone as you plop down into a seat.

They reply in kind and you continue while you have their attention, “So, everyone knows I’ve been seeing someone…” they nod, “… well I kinda wanted to ask if you guys would be alright if I brought him by one of the Hellfire sessions? Just to watch of course, he said he wants to know what it’s about, so I thought the best way would be to show him.”

Eddie narrows his eyes at you, “Right why would we let some random guy-”

“My boyfriend.” You correct him.

“Whatever, your boyfriend… why would we let him sit in? We don’t even know the dude.”

“Well, there you go you can see just who he is when we both show up.”

“Yeah, and on that note, you’ve been missing a lot of sessions lately… what’s up with that? Would you even know how to play anymore?” He bites back snarkily.

Oooh, is he bitter, could this actually be working already?

“Of course, I remember how to play, it’ll be fine… please?”

“Fine, we’ll put it to a vote…” he looks around the table and the others squirm under his gaze, “right, everyone in favour of y/n’s boyfriend joining the next Hellfire session, raise your hand.”

Everyone at the table raises their hands, except you, Chrissy and Eddie, he continues with a sigh “…ok looks like he can join, but just this once.”

Dustin tries to lighten the mood, “Come on Eddie, don’t you wanna meet y/n’s new boyfriend?”

Unfortunately, that was the wrong thing to say, Eddie scoffs in response, “What difference would that make to me? He’d still be some intruder to our game.”

Gareth speaks up on your behalf, “Come on don’t be like that man, just be glad we’re getting y/n back and we’ll get to see who’s been making her so happy lately.”

“Yeah, sure whatever…” he turns to Chrissy suddenly, “Hey, sweetheart… would you like to come to the next session too?”

She offers an apologetic smile, “Uhh… no sorry babe, you know I’m not really into that stuff… but you guys have fun.”

She turns to you, “Hope your boyfriend enjoys it too.”

You try to match her cheerful demeanour without sounding sarcastic, “Yeah hopefully once he sees it, he’ll get just why I love it so much.”

There’s a heavy tension that hangs in the air for the rest of the lunch break, you keep your involvement in conversation to a minimum and finally breathe a sigh of relief once the bell rings.

You sit in Jason’s car twisting your hands nervously in your lap, “So you ready for this?”

He places a hand over yours, “Relax, it will be fine.”

“And you can promise you’ll be nice to everyone, and I mean everyone?”

“Yes, I won’t like it, but yes.”

“Thank you. And remember to keep an open mind, don’t just judge the game immediately because of what you’ve been told to think of it… please?”

“Ok, I’ll try.”

“Thank you.”

“Well, you ready to go in?”

“Now or fucking never, I guess. Hopefully we’ve done enough that it’ll convince everyone we’re a ‘happy couple’.”

“Yeah, come on.”

You hesitate again when you get to the drama room door, but he gives you a little nudge and you open it.

Everyone’s already seated at the table chatting animatedly, you call out to get their attention, “Um hey, everyone… sorry if we’re a little late-”

You’re met by flabbergasted stares and slack jaws when they turn to see you, arm in arm with Jason Carver.

Eddie is the first to speak, face set into a deep scowl, “Uh what the fuck is this, what is he doing here?”

“You guys said it was ok to bring my boyfriend. I said I was sorry for being late, but come on it’s only by a couple minutes.”

“Can I have a word with you outside?” Eddie storms over to you grabbing your arm harshly and leading you out the door, not waiting for a response.

“What the fuck was that in there? You’re dating Carver? The guy you’ve been dating… is fucking Jason Carver?!”

“Yeah… and? What’s it matter to you?”

“It matters because you’re my best friend and it’s fucking Jason Carver… you’re dating him after everything he did to me… to us?”

“Yeah well, you’re dating Chrissy what the fuck is up with that?”

“That’s different, don’t bring her into this.”

“Why? Why shouldn’t I huh? Some best friend you are, as soon as some pretty little blond shows you a smidge of attention it’s like I don’t even exist.”

“Just ugh… why did it have to be him?”

“Why did it have to be her?!”

“You can’t just throw my question back at me, at least Chrissy wasn’t the one going around calling us freaks and making our lives miserable.”

“Yeah, not like she stopped it either. And really Mr Nonconformity, you’re gonna go for the basic ass cheerleader? Way to break the mould. Really, I applaud you on that one, you’re definitely not just like every other teen boy here. All hard up over a girl in a short skirt doing her little rah-rah school spirit bullshit.”

“Chrissy is NOT like that!”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure.”

“And I could say the same about you, dating Mr Meathead Jock… that’s not any better now, is it?”

“Whatever, screw you.” You turn to go back inside.

“Screw me, no hey don’t walk away from me.” He grabs your arm again.

“Eddie, just stop.” You shoot him an angry look.

“Have you fucked him?” He hisses through clenched teeth.

“What?!” You can’t believe he just said that, where the hell did that come from.

“I said have you fucked him? He would be your first if you had, wouldn’t he?” He repeats, his tone bitter.

“That is none of your fucking business and don’t act like you haven’t slept with Chrissy.”

“Actually, I haven’t. She said she wants to take things slow and I respect that. Says she wants to wait til marriage and all that.”

“Yeah, that’s not how Jason tells it and he would know he’s actually slept with her. You sure she even really loves you? You sure you’re not just some rebound destined to fail?” You retaliate.

“What the fuck? When did you get so fucking bitchy, or is that just what taking Carver’s dick does?”

Before you know what you’re even doing you’ve reared your hand slapping him across the face sharply.

“Why don’t you ask your girlfriend what taking Jason’s dick does? She would know after all.” It’s a low blow, you regret it as soon as the words leave your lips. Regret almost everything you’ve said to him, especially when you see the look in his eyes, but it’s too late now.

It’s then that Jason pokes his head out of the doorway, “Hey…. ahhh, you guys, ok? You’ve been gone a while… the others sent me out to check on you…”

You turn to him, “We’re leaving, come on let’s go babe.”

“But I thought-”

“Yeah, never-mind…” you turn back to Eddie, who’s standing there shellshocked cradling his cheek, “I quit Hellfire by the way, see you fucking never Munson.”

You grab Jason’s arm dragging him along with you, willing yourself not to cry, just hold it in at least until you get outside, just make it outside.

When you do reach the front doors of the school you break, tears streaming down your face, sobbing.

Jason turns you to face him, “What happened? What did he do?”

“Fuck off Jason as if you actually care, there’s no one here to see it, just leave it alone, ok.”

He grabs both your shoulders, looking into your teary eyes, you turn you head away, “I do care though, what happened?”

“We had a fight obviously… this stupid fucking plan isn’t working. I told you it wouldn’t and now I’ve just lost my best fucking friend. I really fucking hate you, did I ever mention that?”

He cuts you off with a fierce kiss, you push him off of you, “What the fuck was that for?!”

“I dunno I kinda like you I guess…” He shrugs.

“Oh, no fuck off with that, I know you’re still in love with Chrissy. No one was here to see that, so what was it about really?”

“I do kind of like you though, not like Chrissy, different from that and I do still love her, but… what if we tried to make this work for real? What if those two never realise how we feel about them and it never works out?”

“No. I’m not going to be someone’s consolation prize or whatever. I don’t care if you don’t get Chrissy back, you can find someone else… maybe just be less of a ‘meathead jock’ and it’ll work out for you. Let someone see the real you for a change, the guy that reads and takes a girl out for silly little dates and cares about something other than himself.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… you’re not a ‘consolation prize’ and you do deserve better too. Just forget about Munson… honestly, you’re better off without him.”

“Don’t know that I am… what do you want to do about this now then? Do we still ‘fake date’? Try to get Chrissy back for you, even if Eddie won’t have anything to do with me now?”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know, I guess… I want at least one of us to get something from this, otherwise it’s all been for nothing.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be for nothing really, I mean we never would have spent time together… reconciled our differences, if it weren’t for this. You could say we’re friends now at least.”

“Yeah, I guess… and I’m gonna need a friend, just kinda lost all of mine back there in one fell swoop.” You give him a bitter, teary-eyed grin.

“Ok, so let’s do that, we continue this ‘fake dating’ thing for a bit longer, see if Chrissy will come around. If not, I’ll be here for you as a friend either way, agreed?”

“Yes… as long as you never try to kiss me like that in private again, seriously what the fuck was that?”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Fate really had a way of shoving it your face. Before when you were with Carver, you’d never seen Eddie and Chrissy around, but now it seemed like everywhere you looked Eddie was there glaring at you. You couldn’t take it, jealousy would have been fine… but this hatred that came pouring off him in waves was like torture.

Jason could see your discomfort, your pain, he asked you multiple times if you were still ok with this plan. You powered through, one of you should end up happy from all this, right? You still couldn’t believe that in all of this Jason Carver was the one to console you, if someone would have told you that just a few weeks ago, you would’ve laughed in their face.

The rest of Hellfire give you a wide berth, but still offer little smiles in your direction when you pass them… only when Eddie isn’t around though. You wonder what he would have told them, you’re sure he can’t have painted you in a very good light, but it was too late for you to try to explain yourself to them.

That’s how you found yourself on a Saturday night, curled up on Jason’s bed watching Friday the 13th: A New Beginning. It had just come out on VHS and Jason suggested the two of you watch it to get your mind off things for a bit. He had begun to warm up to horror movies in general, still not a major fan but he enjoyed it more now… your influence maybe?

Meanwhile, Chrissy had made her way to Eddie’s trailer, with a heavy conscious. She raises her hand to knock against the door, when it opens and she jumps back slightly.

“Oh, Chrissy hey… didn’t mean to scare you. I was just on my way to see you.”

“Uh… yeah, could we go inside and talk for a bit?”

“Sure, sure come in.” He steps aside, ushering her in with a sweeping gesture.

They both stand there awkwardly, before Eddie says, “What did you want to talk about?”

She hesitates and he moves towards the couch, urging her to join him, “Come on take a seat and tell me what you need.”

She makes her way over, tentatively perching on the edge of the couch.

“So…?” Eddie prompts her.

“Ummm… there’s no real easy way to say this, but umm… I think… I think we should end things Eddie.”

“Wh-Why do you say that?” He asks nervously, he had actually been planning to go see her to break things off, maybe this’d give him an out.

“Come on isn’t it obvious? Everyone knows you have feelings for y/n. It’s even clearer now that she’s dating Jason… and I… I don’t know… I think I still have feelings for Jason too.” She hangs her head in shame.

“What? I don’t have feelings for y/n… I’m with you, why would you say that?” He splutters, unconvincingly.

“So, you’re just not going to acknowledge that I have feelings for Jason?” She huffs looking back at him.

“Well, uh… fuck… I don’t know… did you ever have feelings for me?”

“Yes… just… just not like I do for Jason. Look you helped me through a really rough time and I am grateful for that… but I don’t love you.”

He sighs, “Yeah uhhh… I-I don’t love you either… I know how bad it sounds, and I do care about you… but I think it was ‘cause you were the first girl to ever show me any interest.”

“What about y/n?”

“What about her?”

“You have feelings for her, don’t try to deny it.”

“Ok fine, I have feelings for y/n… what difference does that make? We’re just friends… fuck not even that anymore. And she’s with Jason fucking Carver, of all the fucking people she had to choose from, she picked him.” He turns away angrily, hot tears prick at his eyes.

“Jason’s not that bad of a guy really, but what if we did something to… break them up?”

“Wh-what? Why? What would that even achieve… they’re happy with each other, I can’t take that away from her… and for what? She’s not even speaking to me, won’t even look at me, it’s not like she’d come running into my arms if things ended between them.” Tears have begun to run down his cheeks, he swipes at them angrily.

“Eddie… look at me.” She implores.

He does so and she continues, “You must be fucking blind not to see that she is in love with you.”

“What are you talking about?” He hiccups out.

“Y/n, she is sooo head over heels for you, Jason even picked up on it when we were ten for Christ’s sake.”

“No, that was just some dumb joke Carver used to taunt me.”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? She loves you, you love her…” She reinforces before adding quietly “…I love Jason.”

“Then what are we even fucking doing together in the first place?”

“I don’t know, you were there for me and things just kinda happened…”

“Ok, so what do we do now?”

“Well… I mean we are over, right? I mean we can still be friends if you want, you are a great guy Eddie, I hope you know that.”

“Yeah… uh friends, I don’t know, we’ll see about that, but thank you. Do we have to break them up though… not that I’m happy seeing her with him, but can’t we just each talk to them tell them how we really feel?”

“I mean, I guess. It would be the nicer thing to do. Do you think you could handle it though, you’ve had all this time to tell her before, why haven’t you?”

“I just couldn’t… if things went wrong, I couldn’t lose her, but now… now she already hates me. She’s already lost to me, so what’s the harm in telling her now… not like she could hate me any more than she already does. I said some horrible things to her Chrissy…” He hangs his head, pressing his palms into his eyes.

She rubs a hand over his shoulder, “Hey, if things don’t work out, I’m here for you, ok?”

“Th-thank you. Should… should we go to them now?”

“You wanna go right now?”

“Yeah, I… I don’t wanna wait ‘til whenever we see them next.”

“Ok… alright, I guess right now it is.” She stands brushing down her skirt.

Eddie stands as well moving to the door, “Did you drive here?”

“Uhh… no, I walked.”

“You what?! In the middle of the night, you walked to the trailer park? Why?” He asks incredulously.

“Umm… my brother had the car tonight.” She shrugs.

“Then why did you come?”

“I just… it couldn’t wait, it was eating me up inside. I had to get it out. Besides the exercise will do me good.”

“Don’t. Don’t start with that. You could have called you know, if you didn’t want to say it over the phone I coulda picked you up at least.”

“Well, too late now… you wanna give me a lift to Jason’s? Then you can head off to y/n’s.”

“Yeah, of course. Come on.” He grabs his keys and escorts her to the van.

You had begun dozing off against Jason’s shoulder, when the ring of the doorbell rouses you suddenly. Jason looks down at you confused, before extracting himself by your side, he leaves the movie running while he goes to answer the door.

He sees Chrissy standing there bouncing on the balls of her feet, warming her hands with her breath, he then notices Eddie sitting in the van parked in his driveway glaring daggers at him. He turns back to Chrissy, “Uh, hey what are you doing here? You wanna come in for a bit, you must be cold?”

“Uh no that’s ok, this won’t take long… I just… I had to say… I still love you, Jason.”

“What about Eddie?” He glances over at him.

It was the first time he’d ever actually said the guy’s given name, first time he didn’t have to pause before he said it, first time he’d ever referred to him without any malice in his voice.

“We just broke up, it… it was never going to work between us. He’s in love with y/n… you know that.”

“Ok… so what’s he going to do then?” He looks over her shoulder again back at Eddie.

“Well, he’s going to tell her too. Right after whatever happens here… waiting to give me a lift if I need it.”

“Well, she’s here right now so…”

“Oh, um… I guess both of us should go then? Right, we’ve like interrupted date night or something?” She turns to leave, he stops her with a hand on her shoulder.

“No.”

She turns back, “What do you mean ‘no’?”

“I… I want you back. Have since the moment you left.”

“What… what about y/n?”

“She’ll understand… trust me. And you said Eddie wanted to see her… tell him to come in.”

“Are you sure about that… I don’t really see that going too well.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Just uh… tell him to be on his best behaviour, ok?”

Chrissy makes her way back to the van, when she reaches the driver-side door, Eddie rolls down the window.

“Well?” He asks expectantly.

“It uh… went well, I guess. Um y/n is here now. Jason said you should come in and talk to her.”

“She’s here now, fuck I should have guessed as much… I mean, why wouldn’t she be with her boyfriend on a Saturday night? Jesus, I’m a fucking idiot. What am I doing?” He palms at his forehead in frustration.

“Did you not hear me, I said it’s going well.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jason is going to take me back. Y/n is going to be single and he’s invited you in to talk to her. That’s something right?”

“Inside his house… ha what so he can see me crash and burn, so they can both laugh at me, while she crushes my heart?”

“Don’t be so dramatic, just give it a chance.”

“You really think it’ll go well?”

“Yes. Now get out of the damn van and get inside.”

When he gets to the door, Jason greets him stiffly, “Munson.”

Eddie narrows his eyes at him suspiciously, “Carver.”

“I should… I should probably tell you guys something first. Umm… y/n and I dating was never real… I uhh, I wanted to make Chrissy jealous. Jealous enough that she’d take me back so I got y/n to help me.”

“What? Why would she even agree to that?” Eddie face sets into a frown.

“Well, the agreement was that from the moment, our little thing started from there on out I’d have to be nicer to you…” he nods in his direction, “and to all the other Hellfire members.”

“That seems kinda dumb.”

“Well, it was she thought so too, but I guess she thought it was worth it to protect her friends?” He shrugs.

“So, you gonna go up and talk to her? Sort your own shit out, while the two of us,” He gestures between himself and Chrissy, “can work our shit out too.”

“Uh, yeah sure. Which way am I goin’?” He eyes him suspiciously.

“Just up the stairs, first door on the left. We were just watching a movie.”

Eddie nods and makes his way upstairs.

He opens the door with a shaky, sweaty hand.

“Jason, who was at the door? What took so long?” You ask without looking away from the screen, snuggled down into the covers.

“Uhhh… not Jason…” He stands there awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck, the sound of his voice surprises you, head snapping towards him.

“Eddie, what the fuck are you doing here? Why the fuck did Jason let you in?”

“We need to talk.”

“Yeah, save it. I don’t need any more judgemental bullshit from you… can’t stand to see the way you look at me now… so full of hate.” Tears spring to life in your eyes, you turn away from him.

“No, it’s not like that. Do you really think Jason would let me in if I was here to do that… on that note, I am soooo sorry for what I said to you that day. Words cannot express how sorry I am.”

You can’t bring yourself to look at him as you remember the harsh words the two of you had exchanged, guilt sweeping over you, “I-I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean the shit I said to you… it’s just you really hurt me, and I know that’s no excuse but…”

“No, I get it, I get it… I was just lashing out because I was hurt too.”

“I know… I should have known that dating Jason would hurt you I just…”

“You wanted to make Chrissy jealous? For him? So, they could get back together”

“What… how…?”

“Jason. Jason told me. Told me how it was all his idea, that the only reason you even went along with his dumbass plan was so he’d be nicer to me and the other Hellfire guys. It worked by the way, they’re both downstairs talking it out.”

“Shit… I’m sorry that was a really fucking shitty thing for me to do. I’m sorry you lost your girlfriend.”

“Don’t be, it worked out for me too.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, I didn’t really love her… I love you.”

“Don’t.”

“Wh-what?”

“Don’t. You don’t mean that. Did Jason say something? Did he tell you how I feel about you?”

“H-how you feel about me? Y/n, how do you feel about me?” His heart palpitates, his palms sweat even more.

“Don’t play dumb Munson, I… I love you. I’ve loved you for as long as I can fucking remember…”

He interrupts you with a fervent, teary kiss. You hesitate a moment before reciprocating, melting into his touch.

You break away from him suddenly, “What are you doing Eddie? Why now? I don’t want to just be your rebound while you get over Chrissy.”

“Jesus, I forget how stubborn you can be. I. Don’t. Care. About. Chrissy. I love you. I’ve always loved you… don’t you get that?”

“You’re serious?”

“Of course, I’m fucking serious! Now kiss me again.” He demands.

You pull him back in for another kiss, then all at once you realise where you are. Kissing Eddie in Jason Carver’s bed and you pull away again.

“Um… sorry Eds, but I don’t think we should be doing this here.”

“Oh shit, you’re right.” He giggles, “You want me to take you home? Or we could go to my place if you’d prefer? I’ve got the van downstairs and I think Chrissy will be ok to stay here.”

“Yeah… your… your place sounds good.”

You make your way downstairs to find Jason and Chrissy making out in the hall, you grin and clear your throat.

They snap apart, Chrissy looks away bashfully as Jason looks over to you, “So, how’d it go?” he asks, more towards you.

“It uh… it went well. I’m guessing it went well for you two as well?”

He nods, “Did you two…” he gestures between Eddie and yourself, “… did you tell each other how you feel?”

“Yes, we did.” Eddie answers firmly, “And we’ll be going now.”

He looks to over to her, “You gonna be ok to stay here, Chrissy?”

She nods, looking up at the pair of you, “Yeah, I’m good. I’ll see you guys around I guess.”

“Yeah sure. Let’s… let’s head out y/n. Leave these two to their… reunion.” He smirks.

You nod and follow him to his van.

Seated beside him, his brash music playing softly in the background “So, I guess all of that worked out in the end, huh?”

He grins at you, “It did… in like a weird, roundabout kind of way.” His face twists into a grimace, “Does this mean I should be thanking Carver?”

“Maybe not that far, but I think he’ll be more civil towards you from now on at least.” You shrug. “Anyway, lets get back to your place, so we can have some more fun.”

“Oh, geez… hang on we’ll be there in no time.”

You laugh at his response, “Well someone’s eager.”

“Yeah, yeah we got a lot of lost time to make up for you know.” He waves a hand in your direction.

Before you know it, you’re back in his trailer, Wayne still isn’t home, not due back for another couple hours.

Eddie ushers you inside overly excited, his motions remind you of a puppy, bounding along, looking back at you over his shoulder.

“You wanna… go to my bedroom?” He asks voice laden with purpose.

It wouldn’t be the first time you’d been in his room, nowhere near it, but the air was heavy with expectation tonight.

He continues a little rushed, “We don’t have to do anything, especially if you’re not one hundred percent comfortable with it-”

You cut him off, “Eddie, relax I’ve been in your bedroom a thousand times it’s no big deal… and I do want to kiss some more… if that’s ok with you?”

“Oh, sweetheart that is more than ok with me.”

“Yeah? Let’s go then.”

He grabs your arm, pulling you along all the way. He practically launches himself at the bed and you tumble along after him giggling.

“I’m not going anywhere you know, you don’t have to fall over yourself to get here.”

“Promise you’re not going anywhere?” He pouts up at you, looking at you with those big brown eyes.

“I promise. Now kiss me Munson, like you mean it.”

He dives in kissing you clumsily, messily, but you don’t mind because it’s Eddie… after all this time pinning after him, you were here.

Your hands wander into his long curls as things begin to heat up. His hands begin to wander too, but he pulls away, “I-is this ok?” He gasps breathily.

“Perfect Eddie.” You grab one of his hands guiding it to your breast, “You can touch me wherever you want, ok?”

“You mean that? Like… really anywhere?”

“Absolutely.”

“This… this is your first time, right? I mean…” He trails off.

You know what he’s getting at, “Yes, it’s my first… nothing ever happened between Carver and me… it was never real.”

“And how far do you want to go tonight? ‘Cause I am more than fine keeping it just like this, we don’t have to do more…”

“Eds, relax honestly, look at me.” He looks deep into your eyes, and you proceed, “I am ready to give you anything you want tonight. If that means we go all the way, great. If that means we just lay here making out and groping that’s great too. Just know that I want you too.”

“I can’t believe this is actually happening.” He gasps.

“So, what do you want Eddie?”

“I want you, all of you… but I’m not… I’m not very experienced… I’ll try to make it good for you. Your first time should be…special-”

You press a finger to his lips halting his babble, “I know, and it will be special because it’s with you.”

“Fuck… ok, yeah…” He groans before capturing your lips with his own once more both yours and his eyes fluttering closed. His hands move to slip beneath your shirt and his calloused fingers fumble with the clasp of your bra for a moment before it releases.

He moves to the front of your chest, sliding his hands between the loose cups of your bra to cup your tits, squeezing them gently. When he rolls over one of your nipples you moan into his mouth. He matches the sound with one of his own, grinding his hips against your clothed core and you can feel the hard line of his cock.

You pull away from him, his lips follow yours for a moment, his eyes snap open searching for yours. You reach down gripping the hem of your shirt you pull it over your head, your bra follows along shortly after. He gapes at your bare chest and you giggle at his expression and tease, “Like what you see Munson?”

“Fuck you have the most perfect tits… can I… can I suck on them?”

“Remember, anything you want.” You answer.

He swoops in, ducking his head, tongue laving at your breasts occasionally pressing sloppy kisses to them. You move to straddle one of his legs, grinding down on it. He gasps against your skin. You tug on his shirt, “Can I see you too, please?”

“With pleasure.” He pulls away from your chest, hooking a hand into the bottom of his shirt, pulling it over his head and tossing it away blindly. You run your hands down his now exposed chest coming to rest at his belt-buckle, you look deep into his eyes, “Is this ok?”

“Yes, yes, god yes.” He whimpers.

You unbuckle his belt, undo the zip and slide his jeans down his thighs, eyes locking onto the bulge in his boxers.

You look back up at him, “You got condoms, right?”

“Absolutely, bedside table… by the ashtray.”

You clamber off of him pulling down your pants as you go, you can hear Eddie ridding himself of his own jeans completely. You spot the dusty blue box and pluck it out of the clutter moving back to the bed.

You look at him, both of you left in nothing but your underwear. You hand him the box and he sets it down beside him, “Sweetheart, you’re going to need a little more prep before we get into it.”

“What like… fingering and stuff?”

“Uh, yeah sure… um could I try… eating you out… I really, really like that…”

“Yeah… ok we can do that.” You agree shyly.

He beckons you over, “Lay down for me.”

You take a seat on the bed leaning back lengthways, resting against his pillow.

He crawls up to you, resumes kissing you slowly beginning to trail down your neck. Your eyes close and you whimper in response, he continues further down over your torso until he reaches the waistband of your panties. He pulls them down gently, easing them off of your legs and tossing them aside too.

“So pretty.” He mumbles to himself before diving in and pressing a kiss to your folds.

“So wet too.” He groans.

His tongue moves to lap up your juices and you gasp. He probes your entrance a few times with the tip of his tongue before running it all the way up to your clit. He grins against you when you jolt at the sensation, running a hand up your leg squeezing at your thigh before bringing it to join his tongue.

He spreads your slick over your folds, before slowly slipping two digits into your entrance. He crooks them against your spongy walls and you tangle your hands into his hair again gasping out his name. He groans against you and the vibrations are something else. Your hips rock against his face of their own accord.

You can feel yourself gushing over his fingers, a tension mounting somewhere deep in your belly as he stretches your slick walls with his hand. His other hand comes to press down on your stomach limiting the motion of your hips, but doubling the sensation.

Soon your legs are trembling either side of his head, you tug on his curls firmly. A tingly sensation spreads from your cunt to the extremities of your limbs. You call out his name again as you pulse on his fingers and flood his tongue with your release.

His fingers slip out while you’re coming down from your high and you release his locks. He looks up at you face slick with your juices and his drool, he makes no move to wipe it off. Just grins at you and asks, “Did you like that?”

You pant out, “Jesus fucking Christ Eddie, that was amazing… not experienced my ass.”

“What… I’m not.” He insists.

“Ok, if you say so… but goddamn that tongue of yours is good.”

He chuckles, “Thank you for the review, I appreciate the feedback.”

You slap his arm, “Ok, come on… you think I’m ready now?”

“Yeah… yeah let’s go.” He fumbles for the box of condoms. Pulling one out, he looks down at you, “Now, you are sure about this?”

“Oh my god, Eddie if you ask me one more time if I’m ‘sure about this’ I’m going to slap you in the fucking face… just fuck me already.”

“Ok message received loud and clear.” He surrenders.

He rolls his boxers down wriggling out of them, his flushed, weepy cock bounces out, bobbing between his legs. He tears open the condom and grips the length of his shaft. He lines up the condom with the head of his cock, moving to pinch the tip of it rolling it down over his length smoothly.

You watch every motion eagerly and he gives his length a few pumps with his hand before turning to you, you see him open his mouth to speak but you beat him to it, “I swear to god Munson if you ask one more time if I’m sure, that’s it…”

“I wasn’t, I swear… I was just going to say, I love you and I really hope I can make this feel good for you.”

“Aww, Eddie come here…” You pull him in by the back of his neck, kissing him in earnest and he reciprocates.

He pulls back, “Ok now let me just…” his little tongue pokes out between his teeth as he grips the base of his dick and runs the tip through your slippery folds a few times, fully focused on his motions.

He rests at your entrance, just pushing in ever so slightly before looking back to you, “You ready? It might… it might hurt a little, but I’ll go slow. Let me know if you need me to stop, ok?”

You hum in response, “Mhmmm… I’m ready... and I love you too Eddie.”

Slowly he eases himself into you, inch by inch, you grit your teeth against the slight burn. He drops a hand to circle your clit and the pleasure overtakes any pain. You whimper and moan, as he coos down at you thrusting shallowly, “Look at you taking me so well, such a good girl for me. That feel good?”

You nod biting your lip in an attempt to hold back your moans.

“Let me hear you sweetheart, please… wanna hear all the noises you make.”

You break at his words, whining, “God… fuck… Eddie, please more… faster or something, need more.”

He increases his pace one hand still circling your clit the other moving to grope your tits.

“Yes, fuck… just like that Eddie.” Your walls begin fluttering around him as he groans above you, sweat collecting on his brow, hair hanging in his face, panting loudly.

You writhe beneath him as you spasm on his cock, clamping down on him. His hips begin losing their rhythm and he growls, “Fuck… gonna cum… hngh… gonna cum for you.”

He stills, buried deep inside you and you feel him twitch and throb as he unloads into the condom.

He pulls out and rolls over, collapsing beside you gasping for breath. He removes the soiled condom tying it off and tossing it over the edge of the bed. He turns his head to look at you, breathing out, “Fuck that was good, did I mention I love you? How was it for you?”

You giggle, “Yes you’ve mentioned it multiple times now and it was good for me too, thank you Eddie.” You reach over and stroke his hair, he leans in to your touch.

“So, uh… what now?” He mumbles.

“Umm… I dunno we go out on a date I guess, the usual boyfriend/girlfriend stuff.” You shrug.

“We kinda did this a little backwards, you’re supposed to date before you have sex, right?”

“Well, I think in our case we can make an exception, don’t you?”

“Uh yeah, I’m not exactly complaining I just think it’s kinda funny.”

You giggle, “Yeah and all it took was us dating the completely wrong people for the wrong reasons.”

“It’s where we ended up that counts though. How about we clean up and you spend the night? I can give you some clothes to sleep in.”

“Sounds wonderful.” You grin back at him.

When Wayne gets home, he peeks his head into Eddie’s room to check on him, force of habit by now. He’s a little surprised to see you there, wrapped up with him under the covers all snuggled up. 

He decides to leave it til morning, talk to the pair of you properly then. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t see this coming, but he wasn’t sure when Eddie had broken things off with his other girl… or if he even had. He shakes his head, all questions for tomorrow, he needed sleep now too.

[r-2-peepoo]

The fighting between Crosshair and Hunter fans has got to be the stupidest thing I’ve seen in a long time. It reminds me of how ridiculous sexist companies used to use picking sides between two male characters for marketing purposes for shows and movies because they didn’t think their predominantly female fanbases could deal with actual depth in the stories. They assumed they had to dumb it down and pander to them.

But the worst part is no one is using this as a marketing strategy. It’s completely self inflicted on the fandom by the fandom. It’s so immature and involves a lot of people blatantly ignoring the actual plot of the show.

Here is literally all that happened in case you forgot: Crosshair was on the opposite side to Hunter and the rest of the batch, he tried to kill them, refused to join them and then he switched sides. He has gone through so much shit and now he understands the Empires doesn’t care about him. Hunter’s (and everyone else’s) trust will have to be earned back, but he’s already been doing it and they both clearly care about each other very much and anyone with eyes can see Crosshair has only good intentions now. They are on the same side but more importantly, they are family.

Yeah, Hunter might get mad at Crosshair next week. He has the right to do that because Crosshair got mad at him for the exact same thing. But they are still on the same side and they still care about each other.

Siblings fight constantly. It doesn’t mean you have to be at each other’s throats about it. It’s seriously so childish and such a waste of time and just makes people not want to actually engage with the fandom. This isn’t fucking Twilight (no shade to Twilight though). The only side here is the Empire vs the clones and the rebels. That’s the only side that matters. We are being given a beautiful story and some of you are intentionally twisting it just to invent conflict. Let your characters fuck up and get mad at each other. It’s what makes them interesting.

[empresskadia]

So, June is a special month to me for a number of reasons, but the main one I won't dive into and the second one is that it's the start of summer [which happens to be my favorite season].

In honor of my month being here, I'm doing reader-insert prompts for Halo throughout the month. I'm willing to do some for Commander Shepard and other characters if we discuss it beforehand.

These are gonna be short scenes with the prompt ranging 200-500 words, posted throughout the month, so if you are interested, please send in some for me!! You are more than welcome to send in multiple different asks, I want my inbox flooded

 Prompts

"This is absolutely not my fault."

"There are a lot of things that I didn't think were possible before you."

"You give me a reason to keep going."

"Sometimes, I wonder why I put up with you."

"I don't care. I'm not leaving you."

"Can I hug you?"

"You're the best thing that's happened to me in this fight."

"I believe in us."

"I will be waiting for you."

"Come back to me when you figure it out."

"Do you think we'll ever find peace?"

"I don't want to die"

"I'm barely holding on"

"Even Spartans need someone to rely on."

"your eyes are so pretty"

"Don't ignore me."

"I'm very concerned."

"I'll always come back for you."

“Is it possible to love too much?”

“This is without a doubt the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course, I’m in.”

“I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.”

“I thought you were dead.”

"Put your lips on mine."

"All I can think of is you."

"How long are you gonna keep denying you feel the same?"

"Please don't leave me like that ever again. It scared me."

"Seeing you smile gives me hope."

"I'm scared to lose you."

"I never thought a Spartan could be this gentle."

"Stay close to me; we can't afford to get separated."

"The stars look different when I'm with you."

"Do you ever think about life before the war?"

"I trust you to cover my back."

"This feels like our last mission together."

"I can't believe we survived that."

"You make even the darkest days seem brighter."

"Do you ever wonder if there's more to life than fighting?"

"I've seen what you're capable of, and it's incredible."

"I didn't think I'd ever meet someone like you out here."

"I'll be your shield if you need me."

"We make a good team, don't we?"

"You always know how to make me smile, even in battle."

"Your courage inspires me every day."

"I can't imagine doing this without you."

"Your strength gives me hope."

"Every time I look at you, I see a hero."

"I've got your six, always."

"You make the impossible seem possible."

"I thought I'd lost you back there."

"No matter what happens, I'm with you."

"Your presence is my only comfort in this chaos."

"Do you ever dream of peace?"

"I can't stand the thought of losing you."

"You're more than just a soldier to me."

"The universe feels smaller when I'm with you."

"You give me something to fight for."

"I'll follow you to the ends of the galaxy."

"Your bravery is unmatched."

"Even in the darkest moments, you shine."

"I believe in you, more than anything."

[dielitttt]

Astro Observations💖 pt.12

Bella (695) in Virgo people can usually have this down set type of eyes that look very calm, and can have some type of miniature feature to them (This can apply to Gemini in Bella as well). They can have this very tall figure or long figure to their appearance sometimes.

Lilith in 3h people may have finished school early or their education might have been very confusing/messy. They may have had issues with their phones n stuff like that too or still do?

i think when it's a 12h day(s) in transits you can start to feel very mentally and physically tired, as well as find out hidden things. You can feel deprived and I've also seen to wear lighter colors during that time. You can also get into spirituality even more. (this may be inaccurate)

Scorpio stellium men can be very impulsive and have very intense emotions. They take little things very deeply, these are the type of people who will take jokes seriously sometimes. They could also have this aggressive dominating energy to them aswell. This could be the complete opposite for some people tho

I've seen a lot of siblings to have similar placements for ex; me and my brother have mercury 9h as well as venus 8h

Neptune 4h people tend to have families or mothers that go into spirituality or very Neptune-related things, and if negatively aspected it can also have the downsides of it. Hidden family secrets, Their household can be very unusual, Insecurity in household/childhood.

4h venuses usually look back at the memories they had with past significant others, they usually stick with people who are familiar and make them feel at home. They keep who they like private sometimes, they are close with family. They try and keep things calm and avoid confrontation. They may also be very dependent on those they love or partners 😭

Cancer chiron ppl have huge wounds revolving family and maybe their mother 👀

People with Moon-Uranus negative aspects usually have these imbalance of emotions and how they feel can be very messy. They can be prone to doing impulsive things when their in their feelings, and they also can have mood swings that go around very fast. They get distracted but also bored easily, so anything new they have their attention will leave whatever they had before and forget abt it 💀.

I’ve seen dark moon Lilith in Aquarius people to feel like or have a mother that cared more about other people then them and to crave that attention or help that they didnt get from their mother.

People with a lot of masculine signs in their chart can have alot of masculine figures or energy revolving in their life

I’ve seen people with Jupiter 11h can have a lot of Sagittarius/Pisces friends or Atleast know people who have these placements.

Jupiter 3h people usually give off this big sibling energy or have alot of siblings from what I’ve seen

The stereotype that Leo moons are always self centered, have the attention all to themselves, and think the world revolves around them is untrue tbh, cause most of them either are that or the complete opposite . Not every placement anyone has that has leo is gonna make them self centered or selfish

Pisces mercury people always changing the subject so quickly and can have this nervous fast tone when their talking

people with major negative aspects to the mc can have lot of issues with what they do as a career as well as even managing one.

From what I’ve seen most 7h Neptune people attract partners who are nice at first but are completely negative and deceiving after a while, creating this illusion and mask over who they truly are to them. They dream about marriage and relationships they can not pursue. They also may like or attract people with drug problems or that do "bad" things maybe?

Venus 3h synastry are the type of pair who would laugh over anything together and Can have hour long conversions about the most stupidest things ever 😭😭

People with ceres in 9h or Sagittarius May have had a parent who was very absent either emotionally, physically, and mentally or maybe very distant with them, (sometimes the father).

Your placements or your dominant signs/placements can show how or what type of tattoos you would get for ex; My mom has prominent cancer placements and has tattoos that are soft, people with a lot of Scorpio placements might impulsively get tattoos but still has some significant meaning to them.

I've seen alot of people with venus trine asc have this pointy chin when smiling but idk if its just me who sees that

(I’ve been on a very long hiatus and might go back to it. I’ve also noticed I have 1000 followers on here!!) ☺️

[stardustprompts]

 the deep - nick cutter sentence starters change tenses/pronouns as needed !!  some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying tw ;  death , horror , language , mental health , blood mention

‘you only live once, (name).’

‘hope. that’s the hardest part. maintaining hope after what happens, happens.’

‘if you love someone, you love them in all their states, don’t you? sickness and health.’

‘it didn’t seem real.’

‘hey. you shouldn’t look at it for too long. it’s got a strange way about it.’

‘i’m okay. i’m fine, damn it. i’m sorry.’

‘there shouldn’t be a penalty in this house for being scared.’

‘i’ve got good and bad news. what do you want to hear first?’

‘i’m sorry, I’m rambling.’

‘we’re fine and we’re going to be fine.’

‘I trust you.’

‘get behind me where it’s safe.’

‘you’re bleeding.’

‘I’ve never seen anything like it. I never want to again.’

‘you don’t know what you need anymore.’

‘you ever consider that—- that you might be in over your head?’

‘I believe in this possibility, and I will endeavor to make it so.’

‘you shouldn’t even be here.’

‘I take it you’re afraid?’

‘don’t look.’

‘this is madness. utter madness.’

‘it only looks like madness. you don’t know what you’re seeing.’

‘it must be really hard on you. it must really sting, (name). acting as their errand boy.’

‘you were never a good liar. you’re too earnest.’

‘I came because I wanted to. no—- I came because I had to. there was no choice.’

‘everything’s gone to hell.’

‘don’t think I blame you, (name). understand this: I pity you.’

‘you want the truth? I didn’t come here for you.’

‘you’re just a shitty, careless person whose last name I happen to share.’

‘right now I’m getting a seriously fucked - up vibe here, okay?’

‘you’re a better liar than you used to be. i’ll give you that.’

‘it’s not dangerous. not if you respect it.’

‘it’s unwise to let your emotions get out of hand.’

‘it’s scary at first … but you get used to it. people do it all the time. they exist under perpetual threat.’

‘there’s nothing you could have done. surely you understand that.’

‘guilt carves you up, right? things happen sometimes and there’s no way to fix it— in the moment, or any time after.’

‘i’d do the honorable thing and sleep on the floor. i’m real gallant that way.’

‘I say a lot of stuff I don’t mean.’

‘that’s what pure evil looks like. a chaos whose variables are endless—- so huge even the universe can’t contain them. chaos incarnate.’

‘it gets inside you, understand? and once it’s there, you’re not yourself anymore.’

‘it has a powerful pull. very, uh, seductive.’

‘do you really think they’re going to let us go?’

‘why are you lying to me?’

‘do you have any idea how stupid you sound?’

‘what if you’re wrong? just this once?’

‘look at me. for christ’s sake, (name)—- look!’

‘don’t look at it. I know it’s hard—- it wants you to look.’

‘I know this must be a lot to take in.’

‘I can feel myself slipping. my mind coming undone little by little.’

‘that may be the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.’

‘it’s nothing to be afraid of—- cautious, yes, but fear is a wasted emotion.’

‘I don’t want to see. please don’t show me.’

‘please, (name). i’ve never asked you for anything. just this once.’

‘the game is only just beginning.’

‘I just want to go home.’

‘you deserve to be down here. alone.’

[frstcorinthians]

; angels that have no place

summary: “Must be nice to have your own room now, then,” she replied, then immediately tensed, worried she’d misstepped. They were both here because of tragedy – for all she knew, that crewmate was dead now, blown to bits up in the wide open sky. He sighed, stretching out his legs and tilting his head. “To be honest, I kind of miss it.” His voice didn’t sound upset or angry. Looks like she’d dodged a bullet once again. Vera always said her lack of tact was going to get her in trouble one day, and she kind of liked this Robert Rosenthal. Or at least, she didn’t mind having his company in the kennels. wc: just a tidy 1.3k notes: so i know i said i wasn't going to write for mota until it was all said and done. but that one line in e6 made my brain start firing away and it wouldn't stop until i did this. i don't know if this is going to become a whole Thing but knowing me i wouldn't be surprised. anyways enjoy!!!! its also on ao3 if you prefer that

“We have all the sports and activities you can ask for. Tennis, bicycles, croquet, riding with hounds, the list goes on. Relaxation is the order of the day here.”

“Riding with hounds” sounded like the stupidest thing Anna Marie could imagine, but she could be grateful for the upside-down minds of the British if it meant the Flakhouse had a kennel. She could curl up here, among the snuffling noses and velvety ears of the dogs, and not think about Cora or Ruby or Vera or any of the girls on the Morning Ride. These dogs – foxhounds, the woman who brought her in had told her – weren’t the same as her hounds back home, but their eyes were sweet and they bayed the same once she got them riled up. Anna Marie couldn’t find it in her to dress up and trot along on a horse, but she had come to enjoy going through the woods on foot, trying to keep up with the pack of dogs let loose on the forest. Aside from the people who worked here, she was one of the only ones who came to visit the dogs. So when she came down one night and saw an unfamiliar man knelt down, petting Goose, she almost stopped in her tracks.

She could hear him talking quietly to the dog. “You are the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen, aren’t you?” His voice was soft and singsong-y, a universal tone for talking to pets. He scratched Goose behind one ear and Anna Marie felt her mouth curve up at the scene. It had been a long time since she’d had a reason to smile.

“Goose is sweet,” she finally managed to find her voice. The man jumped at the sound of her voice, spinning around to face her, surprisingly coordinated. Hardly a curl was out of place, despite her sneaking up on him and the late hour. His eyes were very blue in the low light. “He likes when you scratch him at the base of his tail.”

“I’m surprised he let me pet him at all. I’m not great with dogs.” He forced a laugh out, trying to stay casual. Anna Marie could see the shadows under his eyes. She’d bet he’d been sleeping about as much as her, which is to say, not at all.

“What are you doing down here, then?” She stepped carefully over the mass of sleepy hounds, heading for her favorite spot. She’d been here long enough that the dogs knew to leave her a space against the wall where she could prop herself up and bore herself to sleep with one of the doctor’s dense medical texts. Cora would have gotten a kick out of seeing her read through it. 

Anna Marie boxed that thought up nice and neat and punted it to the back of her mind.

“Went out for a late night stroll, realized I never saw the kennels,” he turned to follow her progress across the room, looking amused at how she picked across the space. “You?”

She shrugged, pushing someone’s rump out of the way of her legs as she sat down. “I like it here. Reminds me of home.”

“Where are you from that you have this many dogs?” His eyebrows furrowed and he looked dubiously around the kennel.

“I don’t have quite this many, but we hunt with ‘em back home.” Anna Marie couldn’t bring herself to crack the textbook open now. She was surprised at how much she liked talking to this man, whoever he was.

“Man,” he rocked back on his heels. “The biggest dog we had back home was my aunt’s terrier. She used to terrorize the corner store, nipped at the owner’s ankles when he didn’t give her a treat.”

Anna Marie laughed. The sound was rusty, punching out from deep in her chest. It felt like something was coming unstuck inside her. She absently fidgeted with one of the dog’s ears, rubbing it between her fingers. The man shimmied over closer to her, finding an unoccupied spot between Goose and another dog. “I should introduce myself. Robert Rosenthal.” He stuck out his hand, waiting for her to shake.

She accepted. “Anna Marie McDowell.” His name was familiar, though she couldn’t place it at first. She kicked it to the same place as her other boxes, decided she’d worry about it at a later date. “What was your aunt’s dog named?”

“Rigatoni,” he replied, fidgeting with a spare leaf. Anna Marie laughed again, pushing her fist in her mouth to keep from startling the dogs. “He was shaped like a noodle, so the name stuck.” His smile was bright as he laughed along with her, even in the dim room.

“My favorite dog back home is named Sawyer,” she offered up, once her laughter had quit. “He snores like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Sounds like one of my crewmates,” he said. “I love him but, man does that sound keep me awake.”

“Must be nice to have your own room now, then,” she replied, then immediately tensed, worried she’d misstepped. They were both here because of tragedy – for all she knew, that crewmate was dead now, blown to bits up in the wide open sky.

He sighed, stretching out his legs and tilting his head. “To be honest, I kind of miss it.” His voice didn’t sound upset or angry. Looks like she’d dodged a bullet once again. Vera always said her lack of tact was going to get her in trouble one day, and she kind of liked this Robert Rosenthal. Or at least, she didn’t mind having his company in the kennels. 

They were dancing around the topic now, the reasons both of them were here. Even Anna Marie wasn’t so bull-headed as to come right out and ask. If someone did that to her, she’d probably take a swing at them. She didn’t want to talk about her girls, she just wanted to go, to get back at it, up in the sky. She was meant to be up there; her fingers itched to adjust the dials, to keep the wings of her craft steady, to chat with Ruby about where she’d take them if she could. And instead she was stuck here, in some ridiculous dress-up fantasy house where they could all pretend nothing was wrong.

Her mother’s voice came to her now, drifting through her head: quit acting ugly, Anna Marie. Her mama was right, as always. She was being ungrateful, like a spoiled little kid. She should be basking in the sun, playing tennis with some handsome pilot or chatting about this-or-that with the other girls. But she was never one for small talk, and tennis was for rich people up north. An image came to her mind unbidden, her and Rosenthal in crisp white polos, laughing and gently batting their rackets back and forth. It was so out of character she couldn’t help but snort.

Rosenthal heard her, smiling softly when she caught his eye. “Do you spend time with the dogs during the day, too? I don’t think I’ve seen you around playing croquet.”

“I do. I usually let ‘em run through the woods, see if I can keep up.”

“Mind if I join you sometime? I’m sick to death of sitting around.” His expression seemed hesitant, like he was worried he’d overstepped some boundary. “I promise I won’t come dressed for fox hunting.”

“Sure,” she answered, leftover laughter still coloring her tone. He brought out a levity in her she hadn’t realized had been missing so long. “Come down one morning.”

“Alright,” he nodded, hauling himself up to his feet. Goose snuffled at the disturbance, before rolling over to take up the spot. “It was nice to meet you, Anna.”

“Anna Marie,” she corrected reflexively. Rosenthal gave a small wave and left, off to sleep or, more likely, explore another part of this endless home of leisure activity. Anna Marie finally opened the textbook to a section on the femur, falling asleep before she’d even gotten two paragraphs in.

[rewordthis]

Watching Bucchigiri?! and waiting for the last episode to air can be conflicting.

Do I want it to end or do I hope for a second season for some more explanations (highly unlikely btw)? Do I let it go, because from the get go it was an incoherent attempt from the producers to connect dots randomly put on the paper? Or do I stay for the music, some cool characters (ok 2— but still) and the ‘what may be’? Genuinely asking here...

Arajin, as an antihero-type (more like pathetic) mc sure isn’t the first one I’ve seen, but good god he’s the stupidest!

He’s so blissfully blind and singleminded that to be honest, I see what Senya felt attracting him and possessed him. lmao Even he mentions that this is the way of life and a innate trait of those aspiring to become honkibito; to singlemindedly pursue their goal: to become honki.

Notice how it is shown, that the crypt in the temple opens the same time that Arajin rehearses his introduction for his female classmates in his new school. Peak confidence moment for him, if you ask me! 🤭

Following that logic, of genies being attracted to specific traits of their vessels, the bullet hit Arajin because Senya had chosen him. He actually says first thing when he sees him: “またはずれか” aka: “another miss?”, which means that he’s already tried to posses people many times before.

But, I want to point out some things that are showing through in the series, and this is going to be one long-ass and winding post, so buckle up I guess, if you dare to read further down below the cut!

◆ As for those of you that have a short fuse and still opened this, I’ll be kind and tell you that you can skip to the last paragraph (green colour) for what my expectations are for the final episode. Cheers~

◆ So here we go:

1. Honkibito: 本気人 or マジン (majin) as Senya says and Usagi-san has already very coherently explained here, are spirits that are free to posses whoever they feel more attracted to or consider strong enough for their goals and can equally, easily abandon anyone that doesn’t have it in him. It: is the overpowering desire/will (nozomi) that one holds in his heart. Also, in my boop-induced stupor, I commented on a post, that honki may have been a word play for stars, seeing how the theme is 1000+1 nights and Senya’s symbol is the sun while Ichiya’s is the moon, but love, I am not sure when my moments happen correctly… I was just thinking that 本(hon) can invoke a recall on 本能(honou) instinct -> 炎(hono) flames -> 星(hoshi) stars (because they burn) -> 欲しい(hoshi-i) desire (this is completely inaccurate though, in terms of how the actual pronunciations are and the kanjis… I’m sure the kanjis don’t stem from the same sources either) and I also, actually thought that 本鬼 or 本生 could be other ways to write it. Because 本鬼 could be read as honki: real/wood demon (Akutaro refers to Senya as oni (demon)): and in the Chinese astrology there’s the demon star (7killings and represents the warrior — though it represents the wrong way of using power) and I mostly based what I said about stars on the thought that, what if it means it falls under a wood master since wood grows tall to reach the sky and they fight to reach their higher/true selves? Because aspiring to reach your higher state is like aspiring to get a seat on the sky, appointed by Zeus(!) and that meant you had to die in battle as a true warrior for that to happen (also the spirit probably needs to be free and not “sealed”, too) — hence why they turned into genies instead. (Still new to Chinese astrology here though, and honestly very fucking confused… 😵‍💫 Sorry… ) But there is actually, arcane knowledge about how someone could become a Hero in ancient times which was happening during time intervals in correspondence with the zodiac cycle, however one had to be initiated through a ceremony; one such being The Eleusinian Mysteries. And 本生, can it be read as honki, too (huge stretch here. Help!)? Because that may apply to the spartan/straight-way of life the warriors live, but apparently there’s also a famous buddhist work that is titled Jataka Tales, which I had no clue until now, when I tried to search the kanjis... Ok. I think I exhausted my stupidity quota with this one, I should be studying a lot more consistently than just brain-dumping everything in a mixer and expect a smoothy later. Haha 😅

2. Senya and Ichiya were once humans. And by the time they were killed they were very much vulnerable and well, human and killable. Ichiya, especially was very much in anger at that time without managing to solve the issue he had with Senya…

3. They were sealed (Senya’s words) when they were killed after the wars had ended. (Poor guys did their mission and didn’t get to play after… 🥺) This actually leads me to believe that their souls ie: spirit (気) was bound by a spell to not the bullet (because how else was Arajin able to reshoot himself? the bullet never gets lost or the pistol refilled…), but rather the crystals on the pistols. Each one was killed by only one pistol with their corresponding colour on its crystals. By the way, it is said that crystals can be bearers of supernatural powers or cages of spirits, because of their close relation to the earth and therefore all the energies that run through her. If you have seen anything from Jujutsu Kaisen, these pistols are what is considered a “cursed object” practically.

4. The fact that nobody can see Senya or Ichiya (they can’t even see each other, please! 😫), unless they touch the bullet makes me think that their spirit gets projected into the material world through there but it’s otherwise only seen by their vessel because they are part of its aura. Also, I don’t think ichiya ever really possessed Akutaro because he probably didn’t shoot himself. I mean, we don’t see him having a bullet on him, ever. And if he did have, he would have been alarmed by Ichiya asking him to put the pistol in Matakara’s hands and shoot himself, no? Sir, I think Ichiya only rode him until he could find Matakara, but I’m not sure how. 🧐 Maybe the black spirit was how he possessed him. Or maybe not. Also, maybe because Ichiya wanted to leave but couldn’t until someone he wanted more would use the gun (and Akutaro wasn’t dying atm) he just stayed to search for someone strong. Ichiya has been out at least half a year before Senya found Arajin. Upon finding out about Senya he can feel the clock ticking. And he sure didn’t know about Senya’s state until Arajin punched Akutaro. He realised that this was his chance! He was also pressed, to force Matakara into using the gun because he’d never do it on his own…. And Ichiya really wants to fight Senya… And maybe genies are able to stay as long as either of them wants to merge… I mean, both Senya and Ichiya tried to leave mid-fight to let their vessels die during it or to force them make up their minds maybe, but somehow they were both still connected to them and stick around because they wanted for their vessels to make a resolution in their heart and use their power. Arajin didn’t want Senya but Senya wanted him, so he stayed until Arajin literally felt betrayed by him. I think Senya was able to leave the whole time, he just chose to stay. He was amazed that Arajin was even able to initiate a merge all by himself. He’s one special idiot, if you ask me. But after finding out what merging meant, there was no point in staying with someone that didn’t trust him anymore… 😕

5. Why did I mention aura earlier, though? How is it into play here? Because Matakara could see Ichiya’s darkness lurking in the temple ever since he was a little kid. And I’m steadfast on my belief that this darkness stems from Ichiya, because not only was it on his side in the panel picture but it also seemed to form a writing of his name when it settled…. But, back to the point. Why could Matakara see it? Could his brother see it, too? Well, I’m not sure about Mitsukuni, because he didn’t seem to notice it, but Matakara could definitely see it. It’s because he has a pure soul. There’s honestly nothing better — and worse at the same time — than someone having a 100% pure soul. They are kind, bright and a treasure (ironic — I know…) to those around them, but darling, they are hell broken loose when they get a change of heart and play for the other team. Matakara’s pure, kind side is a lot like Makoto’s from Free! but at the same time I get many Keisuke/Kurosuke vibes from him! (I mean, I still have beef with NitroChi for never releasing official birthdays for that vn! 😤 I always feared that Keisuke could be a Libra, but he’s far more likely to be an Aries at this point.) I also had flashbacks at how Marito called Matakara Arajin’s dog, of how Kurosuke was mad at Akira because he thought he treated him like a dog! 😭 As n said: “stagnant water gets dirty and can’t return to its original state again…’.  Dear god! This must be one of the most beautiful allegories I have seen in anime, if not in general. Water cleanses, is the source of life, but when it pools it gets dirty and dangerous… It’s how powerful a weapon true purity can turn out to be… (Stray thought, btw, but why do you think angels are portrayed as ferocious warrior beings but are still the most pure, huh?)

6. Also, Matakara’s birthday is a day that signifies constant change in the person’s life. It’s frustrating that these individuals are supposed to realise later in their life how the family they originated from hadn’t really helped them at all at evolving or how they need to make ‘amends’ of sorts with their mom especially, to feel comfortable to forge bonds. Yeah… I don’t think so, darling. They are considered saviours of some sort, which in turn puts pressure on them, but in a good way. What triggered me the most reading this, is that they are loners in their core and only consider like one or two people ‘theirs’. Anyone noticed how he only calls Mitsukuni, nii-chan or Arajin, Ara-chan and how fixated he is on ‘saving’ Ken-san for last? Anyone? I’m accepting offers! It’s because these are the two most important people in his life. They are his bonds. His only, truly, fully acknowledged bonds! Kenichiro, is only tangentially important to him, because he was the only one that was second to his brother. Nothing more. So, very sorry for those who got upset when he told Zabu that he doesn’t really know him, because he absolutely meant it. It’s the truest thing in the whole freaking series. There is this darkness that Ichiya latched onto, which honestly must be SO deep, that it makes me feel powerless knowing there are people out there who do feel like this… He knows full well, that no one of his “buddies” knows how deep this darkness runs — they can’t even begin to imagine there is darkness in him to begin with — he doesn’t really even know how deep, himself. He felt oppressed for keeping it under wraps all this time, because it first got out when his brother went to juvy, and that was just him lashing out, mind you. Now he has a magical being telling him that he needs to be this way— he needs to turn into a monster himself and embrace this darkness to become truly strong. He won’t get over it until he realises that nothing is his fault and everything changes because that’s just how life is supposed to be.

7. Here I want to speak about that shadow/darkness that follows Ichiya, that from the beginning I honestly though it to be his “human despairs” that he had tried to get rid off; but for someone to separate and reject parts of their soul can produce incredible frustrations and pain that can result in those energies manifesting in a separate entity of sorts but which is still fed by the broken counterpart, so it stuck close after his death. I genuinely believe this fraction of his soul is still on the loose because he didn’t want to acknowledge it and that he’s not whole even as a spirit. But it’s also possible as it was pointed out, that it is an entirely different entity that possesses him, I still, beg to differ though…

8. I have a huge fear that Mitsukuni was a Libra. Libras and Aries are opposing signs and energies. No matter how good a relationship they had or how much Matakara admired and loved his brother, he’s bound to feel frustration around him. Because Libras can be exhibited as extremely righteous, which to be fair is highly subjective; I’d probably categorise them into the self-righteous bunch. Imagine an Aries now having to live up to these standards. Fucking hell… Not to mention that feeling this way, can also make someone feeling like they are being ungrateful towards the Libra person who showers them with attention and tries to spoil them by doing as many favours to them— even favours they didn’t ask for… 😒 This is an incredibly tentative power balance that can tip over super fast super easily. 😬 In one word: HELL.

9. I also just remembered how there’s a huge difference in how Senya and Arajin are activating their merge to the way Ichiya and Matakara do. As I mentioned above, Arajin is the one reluctant to merge but ends up being the one asking Senya and even activating it on his own during the time he faces Akutaro; he is the one with the overpowering will in their merge. Matakara on the other hand is accepting Ichiya inside him and surrenders his body to him, completely relinquishing and entrusting his everything to him, making himself to be the one with the weaker will despite how he naturally is before Ichiya possessing him.

Just look at him here, how he takes Ichiya in him: eyes closed and stance wide open… 

Again, completely giving himself over to Ichiya and in a sense, self-sacrificing in order to find the strength he’s so desperately wishing for. Oh my gosh, he’s such a beautiful character… *I hate them producers* (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

10. Now that I remembered this, his blood type is O. In Japan most politicians or company directors etc, are people with blood type O and so they are also considered “the leader”… just so you know. 😑

11. Also, also! I haven’t really understood the reason the genies ask for “what is your wish” in this anime in particular, because it’s not like their going to make it happen, but it probably is required in order to establish a connection to the soul and the desire of their chosen fighter. I mean, how can you connect and even “merge” with someone, unless you know what their heart truly yearns for?

12. One more thing. Along with Arajin being themed by chinese tradition, there are other elements throughout the series, like some of the character names and even at how they arrange time. For example, Matakara asks Ken-san to meet him at “the hour of the rooster”, which is about 17:00 - 19:00.

◆ Change of heart; change of… clothes: What is the significance of Matakara being designed to have a hoodie? It must be convenient for someone his size. Hm. 

I believe that being interested in fighting as a “sport” or a “self-defining” means (as is the case here) is extremely unlikely one would make such a choice in real life. How so? Because wearing chains, piercings, hoodies and generally having loose items on your person, could prove a weapon or a leverage in your opponent’s hands and be used against you during the fight (sort of when being a goalkeeper and shooting the ball to your own nets kinda thing…). So in a way that, unconsciously, makes those characters look far more assured on their strength. Besides Matakara, other known characters that habitually wear hoodies despite their involvement in close combat are Akira (TnC) and Yuuji (JJK), who are also considered exceptionally strong and they also know it. One other example in the series that stands out, is Marito. The chains and piercings he’s wearing are all a means to say he’s got nothing to expect from those facing him. There may be that there’s just enough respect among those fighting that they wouldn’t resort to such tactics, but then again, Matakara did throw dirt in his eyes when he became desperate, so this is just to say that Marito is insanely strong and also insanely assured about himself— if not just plainly insane. In other words, the design is such that evokes characters with confidence and awareness of the gap that separates them from their peers, something to which it can be ascribed the why and how Matakara tries to be fair during fights up until Ichiya enters him.

Now, I’m sure it’s quite noticeable how Matakara’s light blue hoodie and white undershirt has given its place to a dark navy blue one with a black undershirt. This is because “darkness” is the theme metaphor here. Ichiya said when he transferred to Matakara that Matakara has a deep darkness in him to which he could fit in more better. That was what Ichiya was drawn to— like how Senya was to Arajin. Also, I’m pretty confident that Ichiya had his eyes on Matakara ever since he was a child and could see the “monster”… I also think, that the way Senya thought this to be a sign when he found out about Arajin and Matakara training as kids to become honki, is an indication of the genies being drawn to souls with this desire. Matakara, to be sure, also never left the town and kept visiting the honki temple, which means Ichiya could probably “sense” that original darkness he was drawn, evolving. He rode Akutaro when he had the chance, to manage and get out to look for that darkness. I kind of think, that maybe this has to do with the fact that spirits cannot be seen or be able to see since they don’t have eyes. Spirits are energies that you can feel, however. In that same vain, Ichiya must have recognised Matakara’s darkness during the gang war and was finally able to see for himself how really strong the kid was. The fact that he was able to strategically draw him out while using Akutaro’s grudge against Kenichiro was a very pleasant moment of success for him, I’m sure… 

Matakara as Ichiya keeps urging him to do, has to “throw away his weak (kind) heart” to become truly strong. There is an underlying point to this as well… One where he is currently learning to be more proud of himself, therefore exposing the bullet on his chest. It’s not a dark secret. It’s something he’s embracing and honestly in Matakara’s case, I’m happy he does. The most important thing for me though, has to be the location of the bullet. It’s smack right in the middle of his chest. Close to his heart. And therefore very strongly and deeply rooted in the one place he is stronger (or weaker, depends on how you perceive this). Matakara’s pure heart has center and spotlight. Unfortunately, this very same heart is being broken time and again and that is his biggest frustration. This is why he was wearing an undershirt that was covering his chest before. Because his darkness is in his heart. It’s where he feels weaker, unsure of himself, where the genie can patch a hole in his host’s soul. Does he have an inferiority complex? Most probably. Does he blame that on others? No. Not even Arajin. All he wants, is to become stronger. Strong enough to beat the monster. It’s not even a monster in my opinion — it’s misplaced frustrations that got too strong and got a life of their own (note 7 above).

Also, darkness: apex predators are blending in and lurking in the shadows, hidden away until they spot their prey. Then they make their move, kill, and leave. Does that behaviour remind you someone? Yes, it does. It’s how Matakara has started facing his opponents. “Again”, as Zabu comments. He goes up and challenges them out of the blue, plants them into the ground and then just walks away… 🥺

The really hard part though, is how he had to beat Zabu, because he clearly didn’t want to as is shown in the scene before Zabu catching his leg to stop him, where he doesn’t look at him as he lies on the ground; he just knew he had to overcome his “softness” and actually beat to death someone that was a “companion” to him in order to not falter in his pursue of “himself”. This kid is fighting to find his place not just in the world around him, but in the world within him. He’s always looked into the world without being able to point where he fitted in and once Ichiya challenged this (“friends are for the weak”), he was forced to go against his instinct of fitting in and forging bonds and move into a state of standing for himself. When Ichiya said that “the thing you lack is anger”, so he could initiate a merging process and urging him to lose himself in his anger, wasn’t to say that Matakara just needed to be angry at everyone, but more likely that he had to acknowledge his frustration and be able to draw out a real desire in him to fight not just for the sake of fighting and being accepted but for him to finally stand up for himself, for what he wants— how he should not be feeling guilty for who he is, because let me tell you, he feels so fucking guilty for himself. For being weak. For being a burden. For being angry at himself for never being ENOUGH! He needs to be blinded to be efficient, so the fact that anger is what can trigger this blindness is needed for him to not think and hold back anymore. And the fact that he’s so kind means that he’s never held a grudge. He never felt entitled to get angry at someone. He always, always wanted for things to be peaceful. Super ironic if you know anything about Aries. He’s literally the odd one in the bunch. But pure Aries really don’t hold grudges; they boil and fight and forget about it on the spot. For his birthday especially, there’s a tendency to ignore rules and have issues with authority (looking at Ken-san 👀) but generally being the warrior type individuals, that are seen as the heroes of the group. Kid never had the chance to built self-esteem, though or a defence mechanism. And this acceptance of his darker parts is actually a very important foundation that he’s laying out for himself to learn that some times change is inevitable. Darkness is inevitable. Negative emotions and shitty situations are part of being alive and it’s absolutely valid to feel bad and frustrated and to want more… And that (accepting his darkness) it will make him stronger. “But he’ll be unable to live with himself afterwards”, you’ll say… Yes, he will be tortured afterwards for what he did. He will bitterly regret beating Zabu and anyone the way he did, but he will have proof that he’s not weak. He’s not a burden. He’s not less!

★ I also keep seeing people talking about how the series refer to idolisation and honestly, I don’t think that’s the case at all.

Idolising someone means that you have put them on a pedestal and consider them far out of your reach and eventually give up on trying to reach those individuals. And that it’s simply not what’s happening with Matakara. 

Now, if we’re talking about Mahoro, sure; she even refers to Marito as “god” and has an extremely unhealthy obsession with him to the point where he even has to treat her like a pest to push her away— even though I’m sure he loves his little sister; I mean, who’s brave enough and eats that horror of a bento if they don’t love their sibling who prepared it for them? Especially if they have the chance to throw it out without anyone seeing them??? 😨

★But with Matakara it’s a different story. His whole negativity and frustration doesn’t come from idolising Arajin. I mean he does look up to him but he’s not thinking of him being out of his reach. He just thinks that he’s the weak one of the two.

We see him actively (aggressively, more like it) trying to become stronger. We see him aspiring to reach Ara-chan. 

Trying to get close and live up to his brother’s legacy, who was even considered a living legend among these yankies (and now I want you to try and imagine having to grow up next to a literal demi-god (look point 8 above) among common mortals, I seriously want you to imagine the pain and frustration of never measuring up to them for a moment here… because you see them in their everyday; how they move and hurt and live and breathe into this world… and you still can’t be like them… imagine the inhibitions and doubt this plants into someone’s psyche…) and now that he’s dead, Matakara will never be able to reach him no matter how he tries, because bro has ascended without him, before he ever tried to fight him even as a joke. There is a recurrent theme through the series that you become stronger and acquire power by continually challenging and winning over gradually stronger opponents. You literally “build up” your strength and your way to the “top” as it is mentioned in the series from even as far back as episode one, whatever meaning that “top” may has.

He even, still, wants to be a honki person, who from what we know so far, is questionable anyone ever managed to actually achieve it. (We just don’t have the requirements to know how honki-ness is achieved! 🙄) And the only thing that is actually wrong with Matakara is that he’s miserably failing to objectively asses himself and perceive how he appears to the others, and that’s because he was never in an environment that gave him the opportunity or the tools to build a strong sense of self. His parents literally abandoned their children, with Matakara seemingly not even in the age to start attending grade school. His brother, who by the looks of it was about 9-10 (they have roughly a 5years difference— depending on whether Mitsukuni was the same age as Kenichiro (Arajin, you bitch, come and say to my face that a 21yo is an old man and I’ll rip you a new one! What are we 30-somethings supposed to be huh?! Grr! ( *｀ω´)) or if he became an early leader), was also a kid that had to look after him even as he had no means to provide for even himself since he was underage and couldn’t work. They both had to be taken in and live as a “burden” to the new owner of their family’s old bathhouse…

How the fuck does any of you saying that, can’t realise that this kid literally grew up to consider himself inadequate and unworthy and being fucking torn and tormented so deeply in his soul, that he actually believes he’s just NOT ENOUGH!!! is beyond me. And you dare fucking chalking it up to simple idolisation… (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾

How can someone have such a single-angle-view perception to get so blind? This is “Arajin blissful blindness” on your part and I’d like you to think twice before you come into my house talking shit like that. (Not that the producers gave a fuck either to think this through, apparently…) _(:3 」∠)_

※ We are a Matakara & Ichiya wildlife safehouse and we don’t serve tea to haters and surface-tension-level character supporters here, the doors are open for you to go away if you don’t like that. 🐾 * gently boops you out the door*

We also don’t want to hurt anybody, just to achieve enlightenment. 💖

˚✧₊ As for why Ichiya acted like a dick in the first place, I am inclined to suspect, that this was probably because he realised that this was the end for him… 

I mean, he was angry at Senya for holding back, and generally it is showcased that when real friends compete for the same goal they need to do that seriously so that the other gets the satisfaction that they lost to someone stronger than them at least and even more so that they won because of their own powers and not because they are viewed as either too respectable or weak enough to be let to win. 

In the same vain, Senya is indeed like Matakara, because he’s not just holding back from Ichiya for being friends. He’s shown so far, to have such a strong respect for Ichiya, that he at times seemed to be ambivalent about wether he’d be able to really win over him. He’s unknowingly downplaying himself in front of Ichiya which in turn is also a form of weakness to boot, too. 

He’s making Ichiya double the mad he actually is this way because a) Ichiya wants to know who’s the stronger between them for real and b) Senya is risking his becoming of a honki, since he’s essentially running away from fighting seriously. If you’re not able to face all your opponents equally, you are not able to become a true warrior/fighter/whatever and stand alone. The top has room only for one, and one must always be prepared for the loneliness he’ll have to face. You need to rise as someone that has no human weaknesses.

But Senya knowing how serious Ichiya is, is also probably afraid of how much Ichiya will push himself during the battle and that’s why he said “if we fight seriously, one of us could die” to which Ichiya actually said that he’s prepared for even that outcome. And what is Senya supposed to do, then? Do his — so far, one and only (gege when I catch you gege) — friend the favour and grand him his deathwish, without even understanding “why” himself or try and talk him out of it while finding out the problem and meeting him halfway?

Here I should probably add what I wrote in a reblogged post, where I state that I think what Ichiya is also concerned for, is that they need both Ichiya himself and Matakara to push harder in order to achieve perfection, but that can only happen when you overcome your humanity. Ichiya sees being human as a hindrance and therefore pushes for all three of them to abandon that aspect of themselves. Ironically, while doing so he falls in the same trap he initially tries to pull his friend out from and now his vessel, too. Being angry and frustrated is a sign of humanity, therefore a weakness.

Ichiya’s birthday, represents people born on this day, usually having an innate “darkness”, as Ichiya said in anime, too where they can feel the pain and sorrow of this world. In order for them to achieve their higher goal, which is to stop feeling so powerless to save this world from its sorrows (because Virgo is the perfectionist and the helper of sorts of the zodiac), they end up hating their own humanity and trying to overcome it (see note 7 above) even if that means that it is to their own detriment. They pursue this with great zeal even if they die, because death will eventually come for all and they know it. They understand that the time anyone has in life is finite and they internally mourn for this. They also feel pressed by this knowledge, because they want to achieve as much and as best as possible by that time.

I also love how Matakara is an Aries and Ichiya a Virgo, because those two signs are traditionally incompatible but they can work out and polish each-other if they happen to interact. 😊 As signs in aspect, Virgo and Aries are also considered to have a “karmic” relationship, exactly because of the hard lessons they will force on each-other. Surprisingly, or maybe not so much, the cool, collected Virgo will stick around and work with the usually hot blooded Aries to teach him patience and methodology, especially if they have already chosen the Aries. If the Virgo finally forms a bond, it's usually reluctant to leave later. Aries on the other hand can remove themselves the minute someone bores them, but since the Virgo is aggressively independent, they can be kept in a state of continual mini-wars that push the Virgo to open up bit by bit and thus bring the Aries before unexpected discoveries and truths they didn’t even imagine. From outside, they seem to both stick with each other out of sheer stubbornness but the truth is that they take important lessons that hone their less evolved traits of their characters and they are keen enough to recognise that. ie. The Virgo learns to be more honest in sharing their feelings (tenfold in Ichiya’s case btw— imagine how much better he’d be at communicating with Senya after being with this kid for a bit more time…) and Aries learns how to objectively asses and look at themselves. Of course, a fall out is always possible if their energies and other planet aspects are not in favourable positions but, I’d say in this case it’s safe to assume that a soul-that-lived-centuries-ago-turned-magical-being, was somehow fated to be compatible with the soul that needed its guidance the most. (Honestly, this has so much potential and pain and hope to unpack that the fact the series were so half-assed, literally pains me as an astrology enthusiast. Ah, the greatness we could witness had the producers been a fraction more serious and enthusiastic about this project… 🥺😔)

Ok. At this point, I’m sure I have forgotten a shitload of things I wanted to mention when I started and also have messed up somewhere and made mistakes, but mercury is retrograde and the last episode is this Saturday, so I’m writing this knowing that’ll probably be smacking myself and wanting to edit it in a month from now but for now— fuck it, we ball! 🫠😎

I also want to thank anyone who had the steel nerves to be able to read this far… You truly are a force to reckon if you managed to tolerate my incoherent ramblings until this point. I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart and hear your thoughts in return~ 🥰

▼For closing, I really want to say what I expect from the last episode before it airs! So here it goes…

I believe both Senya and Ichiya will fully merge with the kids for the fight. They will battle to the brink of death. I hope it’s bloody and satisfying to Ichiya because he won’t rest otherwise. But I think, like Senya said that he “has no intention of staying longer with Arajin after he found out the reason behind Ichiya’s change”, that they might actually not be able to fully return to their original forms and so, maybe the genies will eventually be integrated into Arajin’s and Matakara’s bodies and consciousness completely. Maybe they’ll even be forced to do that because, what if Matakara ends up being near death and the only way to survive is for Ichiya to fully give up into him? Hmmm??? (I’m looking forward to hitting this one! 😎 they could even resume their training to become real honki people; both the kids and the genies) The fact that merging is dangerous enough for someone to die in itself is very important to consider, but as hinted by Senya’s words there is a possibility to retain or even return a vessel’s soul— which has me thinking Sukuna of sorts... Now, if we were looking at a tragedy genre, Matakara would end up dead no doubt, btw. The other option seems to be that Ichiya finally gets defeated and so maybe his soul is able to rest with Senya actually managing to achieve becoming a true honki; I… wouldn’t particularly mind this outcome but I’m not sure how it’d be for the boys… especially Matakara. I honestly think it’d be a little cheesy. I also think Arajin will get a bit taller as a result of that merge and I think that the shadow we see in the ending theme, it’s going to be his new self after that fight. And hey~ Maybe he’ll even get the girl… no matter how shitty a personality she displayed so far… 🫤 We may even get a glimpse of what happens some 3 or 10 years down the road. Who knows?! 

Now guys, I hope you had a good read. <3 If you stumbled on something that confused you, feel free to ask about it. Or tell me I’m wrong. Works either way! :P

Asks are open for all if anonymous is your thing, too. 📥

Let’s see what the last episode has in store for the fandom this Saturday together, shall we? 🤗

🩵💙🌙💙🩵

[ladytanithia]

Writing WIP Wednesday (10/18)

I shared a different snippet of this chapter a while back, and I'm about to post it sometime today, so it almost doesn't qualify as a WIP anymore (unless you're counting the whole unfinished story). This is from Chapter 27 of Out of the Ashes.

Tagging my talented writer friends: @dirty-bosmer @gwilin-stay-winnin @mareenavee @skyrim-forever @thana-topsy @thechaosdragoness @thequeenofthewinter

Teldryn insisted on keeping his helmet on until Geldis had delivered their snack and Miranja had closed the door and locked it. She felt rather honored being given the key, even if only for a few moments. She sat down and laid the key on the table between them as he removed the helmet and fluffed out his sweaty hair with his fingers.

“Is it just me, or does Raven Rock feel weird now?” Miranja asked, taking a sip from the bottle Geldis had already uncorked for her.

“Raven Rock’s always been rather uncomfortable for me,” Teldryn admitted. “I’ve always felt something like an outlander myself here, despite being a Dunmer. In all the time I’ve been here, you’re the only one who’s seen my face. People don’t come right out and voice their suspicion, but they don’t go out of their way to talk to me, either.”

“Isn’t that lonely, Tel?”

“Yes, but I’ve felt it necessary. Especially knowing there are still MT assassins on Solstheim looking for you.”

“Which is about the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of,” Miranja growled, shaking her head. “I visited the Dark Brotherhood sanctuary ONE TIME, helped myself to one of their sexy leather uniforms and one of their not-so-sexy mage uniforms, never took a single contract from them, and never went back. Yet the MT thinks I’m a member, and how they even got that information is beyond me.”

“Well, whether they’re misinformed or not, they still come here. As long as you’re living here, it’s not safe for me to reveal my identity.”

“I’m sorry, Tel. Perhaps I’ve overstayed my welcome here. I have plenty of properties in Skyrim I could move to.”

“Or, as I think you mentioned once, I could move to one of them. Or ask your steward if he’d be willing to sell his old cottage in Riverwood. Maybe we could both move to Skyrim.”

They looked at one another for a long moment, just considering their possibilities.

“I’ve made arrangements here, set up trade between Raven Rock and Skaal Village, rented some untainted land for a small crop to share, things like that. I’d have to either end that arrangement or find someone who can maintain it if I leave. I know that Argis has started a relationship with Bralsa and she nearly lives at Severin Manor now, but I don’t know if Argis would want to stay here if I left. He does have the advantage with the Skaal of being a full-blooded Nord, so they trust him.”

“If I left, you wouldn’t have to.” Tel stuffed a large chunk of cheese into his mouth.

“We don’t have to make this decision today,” Miranja said, taking a swig from her mead bottle. “But I will talk to Argis, probably tomorrow, and see how attached he is to Solstheim – and to Bralsa. I’d be happy to leave him in charge of the manor, maybe even sign it over to him eventually if I don’t see myself doing anything more than visiting here. Right now, though, my brain hurts. I might even forego dinner tonight and just go to bed early. Tomorrow is the first of the month, and I’ll need to accompany Argis to Skaal Village for our monthly trade.”

“Well, if nothing else, I can say that my curiosity has been well and fully satisfied.”

“And?”

“And I understand for myself why you’re so well-loved here – and in Skyrim. I can’t say you don’t have a dishonest bone in your body, but I can say that you do have a conscience about it when you do have to be dishonest. You care about people probably more than is good for you, you’re talented, and you’re unapologetic about sharing pleasure with whoever you choose. I’m very glad to have gotten to know you, Miranja.”

Miranja had looked down at the table modestly as Tel had listed off the things he appreciated about her. Now she looked up at him and smiled sincerely. “I’m glad to have gotten to know you better, too, Tel. Even if that isn’t really your name, I still feel like I’ve gotten to know the real you. I’d like to keep you in my life, one way or another.”

“Count on it, my dear.”

Once they’d eaten and drunk their fill, Tel stood with Miranja to hug and kiss her tenderly before escorting her to the door.

“I’ll see you soon, probably tomorrow afternoon,” Miranja promised.

“You know where to find me,” Tel replied with a wink and a crooked, saucy smile.

[crmincls]

⸻ enver gjokaj, 48, cis man, he/him ; ] welcome to the bastion, MATTEO BIANCHI. we’ve had a problem with our system, please help me readjust your files. it says here you are FORTY EIGHT and have been around london for 30 YEARS, correct? yes, i’ve read an article about you - they said you can be LOYAL and RUTHLESS, is that true? no matter, i’m sure your position as a CONSIGLIERE FOR THE ANTONINI FAMILY will conceal all of that. all done now. i hope to be seeing more of your BROKEN BOTTES OF EXPENSIVE CHAMPAGNE / A WINE CELLAR OF HIDDEN WEAPONS / YEARS OF EXPERIENCE AND TALES UNTOLD in the future. enjoy your stay, and remember the rules. / / tom hagen, vito corleone, meyer lansky. [ ⸻ honey ;

𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐬

full name . matteo salvatore bianchi

nickname(s) . matt

age . 48

sexuality . heterosexual

place of birth . florence, italy

occupation . consigliere for the antonini family

height . 6'2"

tattoos . several scars and tattoos littered across his body.

piercings . none

pinterest . here

𝐝𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐬

( tw: tbh a lot )

a  generations  long  friendship  between  the  bianchi  family  and  the  antoninis  paved  the  path  for  matteo  to  end  up  where  he  is  today.  born  in  italy,  he  saw  more  than  any  kid  should  have.  many  ask  why  he's  only  48  and  in  his  position,  but  they  aren't  truly  ready  for  the  truth.  matteo  has  seen  and  participated  in  plenty  of  horrors  in  his  day,  he's  earned  this  position  with  blood,  sweat,  and  tears.

he  came  to  london  for  the  first  time  30  years  ago,  thrown  in  as  a  capo  for  the  antonini  family.  it  was  no  surprise  when  the  boy  climbed  his  way  up  quickly,  his  value  and  skill  set  him  apart  from  the  rest.  he's  truly  a  hardened  man  by  what  he's  seen  and  done,  it's  no  surprise  he  focused  more  on  work  than  a  white  wedding  and  2.5  children.  curious  about  his  tale?  it's  spelled  out  on  his  body  in  ink  and  scars.

very  intelligent  with  experience  to  back  it.  he  doesn't  speak  unless  he's  fully  behind  his  words  and  he's  very  careful  with  when  he  does.    very  much  a  no  bullshit  kind  of  dude.

weapons  savvy,  usually  has  at  least  one  gun  on  him  in  an  obvious  spot  and  one  in  a  not  so  obvious.  tbh  more  of  a  collector  at  this  point,  he  has  a  lot  in  his  home  and  is  very  pleased  with  himself  over  it.

bourbon  collector,  turned  the  wine  cellar  in  his  home  into  half  wine,  half  boubron.

has  the  stupidest  pictures  of  young  frankie  and  will  show  them  to  anyone  who  asks,  within  the  family  that  is.

i  don’t  feel  like  writing  things  out  bc  i  hate  dancing  around  triggers  but  just  assume  man  is  deadly  at  all  times  +  100%  takes  no  shit.  he’s  earned  respect  in  several  ways  and  none  of  them  are  pretty.

all  his  grey  hairs  are  named  after  the  antonini  children.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

on main :

on  and  off  again  fling  :  it  never  lasts  because  he’s  just  not  the  commitment  type.  whether  she  ends  it  or  he  ends  it  is  always  up  in  the  air  but  either  way  they  always  end  up  back  in  one  another’s  beds.

childhood  friends  :  from  italy  and  moved  to  the  uk  or  they  met  as  young  adults/teens  when  he  moved  to  the  uk  or  visited  as  a  kid.  they  would  most  likely  be  loyal  to  the  antonini  family,  but  we  can  def  work  other  affiliations  out.

go  to  'guy'  :  gender  doesn’t  matter,  but  basically  this  is  the  person  that  he  goes  to  when  he  needs  his  dirty  work  done  bc  while  matty  boy  will  do  it,  he  is  also  a  v  busy  human.

possibly  open  to  him  having  a  kid  or  two,  but  i  don’t  want  his  plot  to  rival  lucien’s.  he’s  not  as  much  of  a  hoe  and  while  he’s  a  commitment-phobe,  he  doesn’t  sleep  around  with  just  anyone.

〈 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐎 𝐁𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐇𝐈 / 𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 〉,〈 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭 / 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚜 〉

〈 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐎 𝐁𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐇𝐈 / 𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 〉,〈 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭 / 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚙𝚘 〉

〈 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐎 𝐁𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐇𝐈 / 𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 〉,〈 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭 / 𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎 〉

〈 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐎 𝐁𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐇𝐈 / 𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 〉,〈 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭 / 𝚍𝚎𝚟 〉

[huanglong-diyidou]

Just Dance and Romance (Arataki Itto x gn!reader) (pt. 1)

4:46 pm

The day’s classes are over for you and Itto. You’re currently sitting with him and Kuki Shinobu at the cafeteria. She has her laptop open, working on an assignment. You’ve been loudly chatting with Itto about all sorts of stupid things, since neither of you have anything better to do. You suggest, “Hey, I’ve been thinking… we should totally go to my house and have a sleepover. Plus, I’ve been meaning to try out a Just Dance game with someone~”

“OH! Hey, that’s the best idea ever! I am so gonna beat your score, just you watch. They don’t call me Arataki ‘dance master’ Itto for nothing!” You roll his eyes at the new nickname. Itto being Itto, as always.

“Never heard that one before,” you reply. He makes an exaggerated incredulous face.

“What do you mean, you never heard that one before? Don’t you know about my super awesome and amazing dance skills?” he says.

“I’ve never even seen you dance before.”

“Well, you would’ve if you ever came to any of my frat parties!”

“Please.” you cross your arms. “I’m never going into one of those hell holes, like ever.” Shinobu was having trouble focusing.

“Can you two please pipe it down..?” She stretches in her chair. “I actually have work to do, unlike you two.” You and Itto share a look.

“Sorry, Shinobu…” you say.

“Yeah, sorry! You’re so cool for being so hardworking! I could never do all that”, Itto vaguely gestures at the screen. You felt kinda bad for interrupting her studying. Being a law student wasn’t easy, after all.

“Just.. go talk elsewhere. Please. We can hang out, but later .” she says, massaging her temples.

Itto just stares at her, loudly slurping his boba drink. Out of pity for the law student, you decide to drag him to the store to buy supplies for the sleepover. If you didn’t, this man would simply never shut up.

5:28 pm

“Okay, what do we need for a sleepover? Snacks, obviously… but what else?” you are lost in your thoughts. Itto calls out your name and you turn towards him. He’s holding up a cat plush with a weird, stretched out face. With a stupid grin, he says that it looks like you. Jesus… You have half a mind to just throw a bag of chips at him. “No, you” is the best comeback you can come up with. It’s okay though, it is very effective against Itto specifically.

“Heeeey, I do NOT look like that! My face is too handsome. Cmon, have you even looked at my handsome face? It’s nothing like this… weird, alien cat’s face!” Itto comes closer and makes the stupidest face you’ve ever seen. He’s grinning, eyebrows raised and eyelids half closed.

“Wow. Yeah, you really do look like that plush.” you answer. Itto’s jaw drops, taken aback. He was… slightly hurt that you didn’t think he was handsome. Of course, he could never let you know that. Ultimately, you picked out some popcorn, Doritos and Mountain Dew. Itto got ice cream bars and beef jerky.

5:59 pm

Arrived at your home already, a place Itto’s been to many, many times. You have been best friends for so long now. Your parents have gotten used to him bursting in like he lives here. But not tonight, no, they’re away on vacation. You’re slightly jealous of them being in the sun while you have to toil away to get to campus in the cold. “All right! Just Dance time!” Itto loudly announces after setting the ice cream in the fridge.

“What..? We just got here. Don’t you wanna do something else first?”

“Nope! Just Dance time! I said I was gonna beat you, and I’m a man of my word.” He pounded on his chest with his fist.  “Arataki ‘dance master’ Itto will show you who’s the real boss here.” You scoffed.

“You think I’m gonna let you beat me at Just Dance? Right here, in my own domain? Hah! Not. A. Chance!” you cross your arms.

Itto’s already diving for the Wii remote. You scrambled to get the 1P remote. No way you’d let him have the 1P remote. This was your turf! You successfully grab the remote, which was hidden underneath some blankets. Itto turns the console on, and you start the game. You’ve had this console for a long time now, and you know it’s outdated. But you could never get rid of it. Too many precious memories were made on it. A lot of those memories had Itto in them. You mostly had competitive games, so it made sense. Having no siblings to play them with, he was all too happy to play against you all the time. He absolutely had to be the best at every single game you had. You were honestly impressed at how much time he spent in your house just trying to get better than you. Little do you know, there was perhaps another reason why Itto came over so often.

Just Dance 2014 was booted up, and he was practically jumping in excitement. You could swear you saw stars in his eyes. Remote in hand, you set the ground rules. “All right. So, we each pick out two songs, and best two out of three wins! Got it?” you yell out. Itto aggressively nods and holds out his thumb.

“I get the home advantage, so I’m picking first!” you say. Itto has no oppositions. This had become a habit with the two of you, with how often you came over at each other’s place. You quickly pick out one of your favourite songs, Starships . The choreography was super girly, and you knew that. You are an evil gremlin and wanted to see Itto dancing ridiculously. Surprisingly, Itto just looked super serious the whole time. It was quite a sight seeing a bulky, 6’8 guy dancing to Starships with an extremely focused expression. He seemed dead-set on beating you, but you weren’t going down that easy.

After the song was over, you were anxiously watching the score meter to see who won. The bars are going up, up, up… until Itto’s stopped and yours kept going up! He dropped to his knees and yelled out, “NOOOO! How?! How could this be?”

“HAH! Told you I’d win!” you say, almost out of breath.

“This… isn’t over yet. I’m going to beat you, just you watch!” he spat back, unable to accept his loss. Itto swiftly moves closer and grabs your remote, still attached to your wrist. You couldn’t help but blush, just a little. There really isn’t much space between the two of you. Plus, his hand totally dwarfs the remote, which seemed normal-sized in yours. You kind of forget just how big he is sometimes. “There!” his voice pulls you out of your stupor. He moves away. For a split-second, you felt slightly disappointed. Wait, disappointed? No, no, it was nothing. Shake it off. You didn’t feel anything . You were so distracted you didn’t even notice the song was about to start. What song did he even..? Wait, Moskau ?

“Heeeey, come on, pick the character so we can start already!” Itto was getting impatient. You scrambled to click on the girl character since he already took the guy. The dance started out relatively normally. It was a bit silly, and you couldn’t really manage too many of the russian dance moves. Weirdly… Itto was executing each one perfectly. You were impressed, but also a little suspicious. Did he… practice for this? Nah, that’s not possible. You only bought the game yesterday and didn’t tell him about it till earlier today. He then did something you could never have anticipated. As the girl on the screen was picked up and spun around by the guy, Itto did the same to you. With no warning, he grabbed you by the waist and lifted you in the air, spinning around. You yelped out of surprise but held on tight. You barely even had to anyway, with how steady his grip was. Your heart was beating so fast, the result of a combination of dancing and whatever it was that just happened. Before you even know it, Itto puts you back down and continues dancing like nothing happened. You stare at him, struggling to catch up to him. By the end of the song, you could barely move anymore. Itto seemed just fine, though. I guess that’s what you get for being less active than him… “Hey… Hey, what the hell was that? Why’d you lift me up like that?” you say in between gasps for air.

“Huh? Because… because of the dance, obviously! I’m not a chicken! I’m gonna follow exactly what the dancers are doing. No slacking! There really isn’t any excuse!” Itto replies, a little too fast. You didn’t buy it. Something was fishy here. Unsurprisingly, the screen showed that Itto had won. “WOO! Got my revenge, finally! Hahahaa, haha!” he guffaws.

“Gloat all you want, buddy. There’s still one last song.” You chose the final song, and danced like your life depended on it. Unfortunately for you, so did Itto. As the song ended, you ran to get a glass of water, the thirst being unbearable. While you were drinking, the game announced the winner… Itto! “HAAAH! I won! I totally won! You see that?!” he points at the screen. “That-- is the sign of a true dance master.”

“I can’t… I can’t believe it… Haah… I’m dying over here.” you say, truly out of breath. You collapse on your couch. Itto collapses next to you. “Well? Will you admit it? Will you admit that I, Arataki Itto, am the real, numero uno dance master?”

“Okay, okay, fine! You’re the dance master!” you roll your eyes and playfully punch his chest. “Ah, ew! You’re so sweaty! Go take a shower!”

“Ugh, no way! You go take a shower!” he lightly shoves you. Chaos ensues as the both of you play-wrestle over who should shower first. Wild laughs reverberated through the living room. You had the illusion that you actually had a fair chance of taking him over, but you really didn't. Itto was being very generous by holding back all of his strength. At some point, you manage to grab his wrists and topple him over, getting him underneath you. “Hah! I win!” you exclaim.

…

…Ah, this position…

Itto was just staring at you with a blank expression.

It took you embarrassingly long to realize just how awkward this had gotten. Back when you were kids, it was fine. You always wrestled like this, not thinking too much of it. But now… the both of you are grown-up. What was once an innocent game now felt so very… different. You could feel his muscles a little too much under your thighs. His wrists felt too big. His stare… You finally couldn’t take any more and got off. “Uh– well, then. I’m gonna take a shower first, I guess. Bye.” you say, practically running away from the couch.

Itto didn’t miss the blush that had crept up on your face. He just looked at you leaving, amused.

What was he gonna do with you..? “So adorable.” he said under his breath, slowly shaking his head.

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

Let’s Talk About Yesterday…

Dear Future Husband,

So, something super weird happened yesterday.

I almost fainted. 

The thing is, it came out of nowhere. 

I had been at work for about an hour and a half, sitting at my desk, responding to messages. I cracked my knuckles and stretched my fingers, as I often do, but I suddenly had a sharp pain in my palm. 

Upon investigation, I had a brand new bruise on my palm, right along one of my vein lines. It was very dark, slightly raised, warm to the touch, and the area was reddened. 

I’ve had “phantom bruising” like this on my hand before, but in the past I’ve only ever seen it at the inner part of the knuckles and just assumed it was caused by hyperextension. 

It hasn’t been diagnosed (like most of my problems), but I meet a lot of the criteria for hyper flexibility, which comes along with vein issues, so these types of bruises wouldn’t normally surprise or bother me. 

But this time, along with this brand new bruise came a wave of severe dizziness. 

So, is this normal? 

No. 

But also, I kind of have a history of “fainting”.

I think I may have mentioned it previously in this blog, but my body doesn’t like trauma. ‘Sure,’ you may be thinking, ‘who’s does?’ but it’s different for me than it is for most people.

My first recollection of this happening was when I was in maybe middle school? My mom had mine and my sisters’ ears pierced when we were little, but the location had issues with sanitizing and they ended up closing not long after. My mom’s friend also brought her daughters and out of all the ears that were pierced in our party, only two made it through the infections and they weren’t on the same person. 

After that my mother decided that she would have our pediatrician do our ear piercings since her pediatrician did hers, but I guess that was more of a thing in the 60s than it was in the 00s and, while he had the supplies, our pediatrician didn’t know what he was doing and the piercing experience was a disaster. 

But. He got the needle through my ear, which I didn’t even really feel, and then my vision started going hazy, I felt like I had cotton in my ears, I got a rush of nausea, and super lightheaded. But I didn’t pass out. Just needed time to breathe, drink, and get my bearings.

So, that was the first time. 

The second time, I had to give blood for some blood tests to see if I was anemic. They were inconclusive. But when I gave blood - same result. My vision lost focus, everything got hazy, there was a ringing in my ears, and a rush of nausea. 

The third time was another blood test. Same thing. 

The fourth time was giving blood for Dor Yeshorim in high school. Same thing. One other girl had already fainted and that caused a whole todo, so when I sat down I asked the lady “what happens if I kind of know I might pass out?” and she said “oh. please don’t.” I told her I’d try my hardest, but while I was sitting there, my vision started going hazy and my friend standing next to me was like “omigod, you’re turning white” which is definitely a warning sign when you’re already the second palest person in the class and the other girl was a premie with a heart condition. 

The fifth time. Well, that’s the time I actually fainted. It was Shabbos or some yom tov and we had family friends over for the meal. I was cutting an avocado in the stupidest fashion possible, right in my hand. And the super sharp knife went right through the avocado and into my finger. I quickly made my way to the kitchen where I turned on the tap and stuck my finger under. MotherLivelyHeart was in the kitchen plating something and started berating me about... something. I don’t even remember anymore, but something related to serving dinner. And as I leaned over the sink and the world spun around me, I told her “I just need a minute.” 

And the next thing I knew, I was waking up on the floor asking what happened. 

We laugh about it now, because although I was out for almost a minute, I apparently fell very gracefully, didn’t make a sound, and continued to hold my hand above my heart. And although I have a small scar from that cut, the most painful part of the experience was that I was wearing one of those large claw hair clips and the back of my head hurt after fainting more than my finger did from being sliced open. 

I’ve since had various other experiences of lightheadedness, usually related to some kind of physical “trauma”. The most recent was back in January of this year. After a super long flight, I ended up with an external hemorrhoid, the first in my entire life. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I tried various things to treat it, but most of what I read was that it would resolve itself somehow if I didn’t exacerbate it. And after about two weeks, I went to the bathroom one afternoon and when I was done and washing my hands, I got so nauseas and lightheaded that I went to my bed and laid down and I would say “fell asleep” for several hours, but came to realize later that the hemorrhoid had popped and I most likely fainted and just didn’t wake up until the trauma had passed. 

So this is a thing that happens to me. 

Super fun, I know. 

But most of those have been “big” things. Getting a random bruise on my hand that was smaller than the diameter of like a pencil eraser, seems like such a weirdly small thing to trigger this kind of response. 

Regardless, there I was, alone at the office, extremely nauseas, my head spinning, my ears full of proverbial cotton. I had the wherewithal to google “what to do if you feel faint” and the first suggestion was to lay down with your feet elevated. I stood up to try and find a place to lay down where I could elevate my feet, panicking I wouldn’t even be able to make it and would just collapse, but was so overcome with dizziness that I couldn’t even walk a straight line if I tried. I was basically holding onto the walls for support and eventually sat back down. 

The google search said, if you can’t lay down with your feet up, to put your head between your legs. There were also suggestions to drink some water, eat something, and do deep breathing. So I grabbed a water bottle and took a quick swig, and then leaned forward to put my head between my legs, hoping that I wouldn’t fall over. 

The stupid thing is, I’m not afraid of death. I’m afraid of becoming a vegetable. If death were a guarantee, I wouldn’t have really cared. But knowing that I could be incapacitated and nobody would even come looking for me for like a day, made it suck to be alone. 

I’ve also been having digestive issues since I took the diphenhydramine on Friday and don’t know if those two things are related, but leaning forward to alleviate the lightheadedness did put pressure on my abdomen, so that got worse. 

And there I was, sitting at my desk, head between my legs, my insides threatening to come out one way or another, just going ‘what the hell is happening!?’ and trying to deep breathe. 

It finally cleared enough for me to walk to the bathroom and when I looked in the mirror I could see perspiration on my face that I hadn’t even felt. 

And an hour after the event, the bruise on my hand had settled into looking like a regular bruise, no longer raised, warm, or as dark, and the redness also dissipated. It hardly even hurts to touch it now. It’s almost like nothing happened at all. 

My first thought was “blood clot?” so I googled that too, but there were no helpful results for what I was experiencing. 

And so, I’m baffled. 

Could have just been a one-off weird situation caused by sudden and immediate bruise due to the way I was stretching my fingers. 

Or it could be something more serious, but as my bank account made it down to $4 the other other day and I still don’t have healthcare... yeah, we’ll never know. 

So, if you wanna daven for me, please have in mind that if it’s my time to go I don’t suffer with this stupidity and just go quickly. mkaythanksbye

-LivelyHeart

[yarboyandy]

January 2024 movie wrapped 😁 ! Thought this would be a fun thing to talk about wven if no one cares. This month I focused mainly on comedy and romance because thats what I wanna edit one day. Next month I might focus more on romance and drama.

This month I watched 20 movies total, my original goal was 25 (my current monthly goal) so I fell short by 5. Of the films I watched, I saw 8 in theaters (40%) and 12 at home (60%).

Next month I am most excited for Argylle (looks fun), Drive Away Dolls, and Lisa Frankenstien (February is a bit sparce…).

_____________________________________________

Favorite movie this month: The Iron Claw

Literally one of the best movies I’ve seen from Zack Efron…KEEP PUTTING HIM IN SHIT LIKE THIS ‼️ oscar snub tbch.

Least Favorite: Night Swim

is January fodder…literally boring. Nothing burger to me. Only cool thing to me was the coin thing at the end.

Undercut is my full list of films and thoughts.

1. Anyone But You (1/2/2024) 🍿

I was forced to walk out of this one by friends. fake dating movie that had bad acting from a cast comprised of good actors. I liked the premise tho, pictured it with old man yaoi the whole time.

2. The Boy and the Heron (1/4/2024)🍿

Saw this with my mom! I was kinda confused by it but it was really pretty. Really good voice cast 😁❤️❤️ I understood the message the day after, I would be hesitant to say this is one of the studios best, but it’s def top five….?

3. Night Swim (1/5/2024)🍿

saw with Olivia and Becca. JANUARY FODDER AT ITS FINEST! So stupid. Wasnt that bored tho! I really liked the coin thing at the end.

4. Migration (1/6/2024)🍿

Saw with Olivia in the coldest theater Ever. Really cute and charming 😁👍🏻 probably one of Illumination’s best but I haven’t seen a ton from them recently. Wayyyy too giddy for the return of the animated short before a movie.

5. The Color Purple (1/7/2024) 🍿

I need to stop seeing 2.5 hour long movies at 10 pm. Really good, forgot it was a musical in the middle cuz they weren’t singing LOL. Didn’t love the whole part where she forgives the dude who like abused her but hey. Uhhh. Yeah thats all i got

6. Ella Enchanted (1/8/2024) 🏠

Really cute classic for me ☹️ ROMCOMS MY BELOVED ❤️❤️❤️ first movie i watched at home this year! I miss the fantasy romcom genre that was big in the 90s to the 00’s, now it’s all realistic stuff :/ GIVE ME BACK THE FAIRYTALES!!

7. Bridesmaids (1/9/2024) 🏠

Every professor has told me to watch this so i finally did. Very enjoyable!! I like this director…I liked the tail lights themeing, but I wish the main girl and her friend got to talk more.

8. Pink Panther (1/9/2024) 🏠

Dont fw french people tbh.

9. Poor Things (1/10/2024) 🍿

STUNNING AMAZING PERFECT!!!!!!!!!! Beautiful film 😁😁😁😁❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ARRRRGGGGGGGGG OSCAR SWEEP IN MY HEART!! EVERY SEX SCENE WAS NEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. High and Low (1/11/2024) 🏠

My heterosexual friend fell asleep next to me and missed 85% of the movie. Really good though!

11. Coraline (1/13/2024) 🏠

FUCKEDDDD UPPPP and amazing 😁❤️❤️❤️ i hope Laika can like. Make a good movie again soon….what who said that.

12. Zoolander (1/14/2024) 🏠

Silly goofy fun 😁❤️ fantastic cast. Ben stiller has the range. For some reason as a kid (like age 10) i assumed this movie was racist or something? (I had never seen it. LOL) Its not.

13. Leo (1/14/2024) 🏠

Watched this and played webkinz solitaire. No notes. I don’t remember anything anyways.

14. 22 Jump Street (1/15/2024) 🏠

Olivia was not very impressed, but it got me to chuckle. Didnt like the main love plotline bro wtf. But a very influential movie for 2010’s comedy. as I’m typing this I’m realizing I look like if Chaning Tatum and Jonah Hill had a fat baby.

15. the Princess Bride (1/16/2024) 🏠

SOOOO CUTE AND FUN GIGGLE 😁 they break the 180 rule did u know that.

16. Jumanj (1/16/2024) 🏠

I’ve never seen it before and it was fun but kinda sad like damn 😭 good CGI tbh

17. The Beekeeper (1/18/2024) 🍿

THE STUPIDEST, GOOFIEST, MOST FUN MOVIE OF ALL TIME THIS MONTH. ok but genuinely fantastic choreography. I’m da bee keeper….I must protect the hive….

18. Napeolon dynamite (1/19/2024) 🏠

Really fun and cute 😁😁 classic for a reason baby! Too bad this director didn’t seem to catch on after this film, his style is great.

19. Nacho Libre (1/20/2024) 🏠

I love this film and have a soft spot for it. Watched with all my friends, the soundtrack is really fun. Jack Black is a great physical actor.

20. The Iron Claw (1/25/2024) 🍿

Oh my god. Maybe I’ll call my sister or something later.

Bonus: TV shows I watched, not many thoughts

Buffy season 3. I got bored lol. Everyone is suicidal. Whatever.

Ten Year Old Tom. Funny!

Carol and The End Of The World: kinda confused me at times but really good really awesome everyone watch it.

Star Trek: SNW (end of season 1 + season 2) OHHHH MY GOODDDDDDDDD

Star Trek Lower Decks: EVERYONE WATCH THIS NOWWWWWW

[cflight]

hemlock's not very smart, now is he? i mean, all of this talk about changing the world, about experiments and prototypes... sure sounds like he's obsessing over them because he knows he'll never get any finished product out of it. fussing over a bunch of dead ends and stupid ideas because he can't accept that things aren't the way he wants them to be because its just not functional. people who can actually change the world don't need to preen about it, they let their own actions speak for themselves, but oh, no, he can't just do that, he has to go on and on and on about how he's totally right and he's done it right because if he doesn't no one would even entertain the idea. one of the stupidest people i've seen in a long time, really. shame he's not even very entertainingly stupid either.

Hemlock’s eyes narrow at that, the corners of his mouth ever slightly turning downwards into a fierce scowl. “You’d be surprised at what I’ve managed to complete during all those years of work.” he says thinly, a flash of anger in his icy blue eyes. “While it’s true things have been progressing slower than expected, I can’t say I’m not satisfied with the results as they are now.”

He fidgets with the metal syringe on his desk, wrinkled hands trailing over the gold-laced tube. “After all, can’t expect perfection on the first try, no? Those previous experiments were all but testaments of my limitations at the time. I’ve grown stronger. Powerful.” His gaze trails over towards the stranger, his free hand clenching into a fist. “I don’t need some cloaked fool telling me how it’s all for naught.“

He snarls, the hand previously tracing the syringe lifting and digging into his skin, the sound of thick, bubbling liquid entering his body as he gave the stranger a sickening smile. “Go ahead, embrace your tainted mind with your utterly foolish assumptions. But just know you won’t be laughing once I rid this plague that is but a stain on what soon will be rightfully mine.”

[wytfut]

Small view..

This has been hanging around in my itty bitty head for years, and haven’t still to this day have a controlled handle on it... because I still do it. And really don’t understand it.

First saw this in my Pop back in the late 90′s. It actually pissed me off a bit when he do it. As he aged, his temper would show, rarely, but it did. In public he was notorious making “cute” comments to specific unknown service people all to the embarrassment to family members (mostly my Mom).  Now I understand, as I’ve experienced it myself many times.

Pop, with age would sometimes (possibly mood at the moment) could get very pissy, with folks (even family) about the stupidest stuff. Stuff that made no sense to react with any emotion. As I keep catching myself in this same boat, I know in his head it made sense to do it....   I do it.

Why do I recognize this in my Pop, but I really don’t recognize it in other people in my life.... people I see frequently, or have in my past?

Don’t take these comments badly of my Pop.... he was a great guy, an original. I’m just using him as an example, I expect we all endure at one time or another.

Here I am doing the same thing. 

Many examples;

Calling a “tech help” center, in need of help, or advice.... and the answering party’s English is less than acceptable. Or i just can’t hear them.

Why does the “F++++++G” floor have to be so far away????

I’ll  hear a conversation, and have this uncontrolled urge to speak on the subject, that adds absolutely nothing to the conversation. And most of the time go ahead and speak up.

Staring at a new to me new card reader at the stores counter.

Rude people/ignorant people, well, they act like they are.. . Not just driving.... everyday in all of society dailies.

What I value (objects), and what others value (junk). 

Trying your hardest to have everyone you meet,  like/love you.... with wasted efforts.

My Wife is going out of her way to pick a fight with me... Why? What did I do? Am I doing this to her?

Not getting respect, for which some not understood reason, I feel entitled too....

Popping off really mad with someone, you really like/love. Waste of effort.

Shying away from past people/events, with no reason. Again, wasted effort.

Disappointed in myself with things I do and know I should not, but still continue. Habit? OCD? Just being an asshole? 

Just because I do it this way, DOESN’T REALLY mean that its the correct way to do it.

Am I as polite as I truly believe I am, or am I just polite when its easy for me? Or is my head just interpreting it as being polite?

I've come up with some possible reasons (these make sense?):

I’m one of the OLD guys now. A blue hair. Crinkled up face and hands. WTH is that guy in the mirror?? Things just don’t flow thru my brain near as smoothly as they used to. Young people don’t notice me as much, ummm,  I’m now in the background or wall paper. I still have extraordinary core strength for my age, but my youth super strength is gone (the mad linesman strength). But my habitual mind says I’m still young.

I’m hard of hearing. My sight isn’t perfect. I hurt... regularly. 

Life moves too fast to comprehend everything. 

I feel I am due respect, as I do know about at least a couple of things. I’ve stumbled around the block quite a few times.

Fear of losing reality.... be it dementia, or any other reason. Being easily confused.

Can’t remember a 2 minutes ago memory, but can remember things 50 years ago like yesterday, most likely not accurately.

Life long, generally an up person, finding I can be moody at times more often. Never had an anxiety attack until I was over 50. This is the same guy that could be seen standing knee deep in blood and guts, and just walk away after it was over and deal with it.

And daily stress we all encounter apparently affects us old dudes differently.

Not understanding what is being presented to me. Hell not even knowing what question to ask so I can understand. I want to understand, but have no clue what? English isn’t a perfect language, and most people do not have the skills to use it to its most effective way. Being fluent and efficient in your speech, isn’t always the best way to get a point across.

And obviously not recognizing the real world that other people have lives too. That just maybe, these folks are being bombarded by the very same things as me (really??). The sun doesn’t rise and set on my personal ass. Its not me me me...  

  I’ll try harder to avoid my reactions to these scenarios. I really will try to recognize the “que’s” when I’m derailing. Going to try and understand, that people do respect me, even without showing/saying it. People do know what I’m about, and hopefully still appreciate me for being who I am. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be Bruce... and not a sheep. That took a lot of work/time. I’ll make efforts to be patient with everyone, and appreciate their point of view/action.

Small mind syndrome seems to be epidemic these days. But it just could be me..

To the day I die... I’m never going to understand this phenomenon of living daily with all these “other” people. Every time I think I have “IT” all figured out....   SURPRISE!!! you don’t know shit, FOOLED YA.    LOL!!!

[theeye-suggestions]

Hi, I’m guess this is where I can drop off my statement?

Ok so, I’m not sure if you need a name or anything, but here goes nothing… It all happened 4 years ago now. Back when I was still employed at that damn pizzeria. I can’t say the specific name of the company (they’ve been known to come after “slanderers”) but I’m sure you can take a guess. They’re a pretty well known chain.

I think the first thing I noticed that made me feel…like something was very wrong, was the smell coming from the animatronics. I know how it sounds, it was a shitty kids chain and I’ll be the first to admit we did not clean a single surface in that place as well as we should have, but the stench coming off those animatronics was something else. It was one of those smells that give you an immediate headache if you manage to stop yourself from retching at the first whiff of it.

I tried to tell a supervisor about it, hoping something would get done about it before some Karen could complain that we got her precious Timmy sick, but by the end of the week there wasn’t any improvement. If anything, I swear it was worse somehow. Not that it was much of my concern by that point, I’d gotten the news that starting next week I was being transferred to the night shift, and from the sounds of it, I’d be the only one there the majority of that shift. So with no supervisors or management to tell me otherwise, as far as I was concerned, the stage was no longer my responsibility.

I should have never showed up to another shift. The first few nights were alright. I swear I caught the animatronics moving a couple times, but they never did it while I had my eyes on the monitor. It was almost like they could sense when I was looking and chose to only change positions when I was looking away. I thought at first maybe my memory was playing tricks on me or maybe my eyes, but I don’t think little mistakes like that can lead to losing a whole animatronic.

Don’t ask me how. I know I wouldn’t seen someone come in and carry one off. These things where heavy, no random person working alone would’ve been able to just drag one off without causing a lot of noise over a long time. But what other explanation was there? It’s not like one could walk off on its own. They didn’t even have real mechanics in their legs. They weren’t meant to ever take a step off stage.

I was still staring in shock at what I was seeing, when the camera over the stage went out. At this point I was terrified. I thought about going to check the camera of course, but if you think I’d be willing to risk my life fighting off a potential intruder or killer robots as my childish mind tried to convince me, all for minimum wage, you may be the stupidest person I’ve ever come across.

I barricaded myself in my office. I spent hours in there listening to the awful clang of metal steps on the tile floors and then the drumming banging of fur covered fists pounding at the thin metal door that was meant to protect me in an emergency. I swear to you I spent days in there. I don’t think I even remembered I had a clock in there until it went off at 6am, announcing the end of my shift.

And all at once the noises stopped. I waited, frozen in place for the longest time before I braved to check the cameras again. It was as if I’d dreamed it all. The animatronics were all back to their stage, the lights were all on for the day now even, giving the place a cheery cheap fun atmosphere again.

I left after that. Never dared come in for another shift, but that morning as I was leaving I glanced at the animatronics on my way out, they were leaking. I can’t tell you what, I didn’t dare get close enough to investigate that, but it definitely carried that same deathly smell.

Wonderful, another Fazbear Pizza statement. You’re not the first to experience such strange things in those restaurants, “Anonymous”. We here at the Institute have also received statements about a being calling itself William Afton. I can say with confidence you will not be the last of these statements.

If you have a statement, don’t be afraid to send an ask. Be anonymous! Or don’t. We will know it is you either way. :)