#it did not help el save max

[bangtanthoughts]

"mike and el's love will save the world in s5" the world literally broke in half after mike's monologue. be fr.

[givehimthemedicine]

never forget El isn't just touchy feely as a random personality trait, she's spent most of her developmentally critical years horribly starved of touch and warmth and love :)

and every moment of physical comfort she receives is precious to her as an antidote to some specific moment in her past when she suffered the lack of it :) and you can also see the shadow of her traumas in the ways she thinks to give physical comfort :)

and also don't forget that her trauma didn't end with the lab :) when we first meet her her traumas are drawn from lab days but by later seasons it's clear some of the traumas guiding her behavior are just... the show :) such as the crushing pressure of everyone counting on her to find Will :)

and if I spend more than 2 seconds thinking about what any simple little moment of closeness/physical affection/comfort must mean to El I will start sobbing and never stop :)

[thefirstlioveyou]

i hate when mike's "romantic love" for el is adored and romanticized when it's really the most anxious and unhealthy form of attachment, but his healthy and secure love for will is just seen as platonic

mike with el:

"i'm scared one day you won't need me anymore."

"but what if she doesn't need me anymore?"

"i can't lose you."

"i can't lose you again."

"i don't know how to live without you." (this is devastating.)

given the circumstances mike was put with with el in s1, his statements of love is more of rooted from trauma rather than actual romantic love. he's constantly afraid of losing her the same way he did in the last episode of s1, especially since he blames himself for it for the way he treated her.

he also feels a sense of self worth from the concept of being with a girl - a girl as cool and superhero-like as el that.... but not because it's EL. that's the problem. this sense of worth comes from being NEEDED, and el NEEDED mike to protect her (at the time of s1). THAT'S what he takes interest about their relationship. mike can't even mention one thing he likes about her that isn't about her powers in his monologue. he can't even tell will one thing when he was venting.

even acknowledged by shawn levy, the duffers and finn, mike simply feels a sense of worth when he's helping/saving someone - that's not necessarily romantic because....

and then we have el's side of this. el had fallen into the same pattern as she did in the lab when it comes to needing someone to rely on. she loses her own self-worth when she's with mike, unable to really identify herself. her "romantic love" for mike roots in a very traumatic place. she didn't even consider him in that way before he kissed her. she saw him as a caregiver (and possible family) - this is why she clings so tightly to him, it's reminiscent of her trauma in that sense. but in s3 and s4, she realizes who she is without mike (or feeling controlled by a relationship)

el's whole arc is not needing to rely on someone anymore, which is contradictory to what mike wants. the puzzle pieces aren't fitting with them!!

mike with will:

"max, dustin, lucas - they're great but they're not you."

"i asked if you wanted to be my friends ... it was the best thing i ever did."

"if anyone knows how to defeat this thing, it's will." (mike trusts will even in a dangerous situation, whereas in s3 he's more anxious for el, despite losing them both before. why? because he felt a sense of responsibility for el, not will.)

"if we both go crazy, we'll go crazy together."

"i didn't say it." "you didn't have to."

what he tells will is often more positive, and never putting himself or others down in the process. there's more trust and security.

"but what about s2? wasn't he scared to lose him?" but he never felt loss of control that season. he never held him back from anything and even insisted on things that could've been dangerous, but there was trust. even comparing his monologue in s2 vs s4, there is a sense of calmness and confidence in his words. he doesn't blabber and just keeps his words short and to the point. there isn't dramatic music build up to intensify the scene. it's intimate and genuine, not a performance.

the whole "you didn't have to" part is SOO underrated. it just proves more of what i'm saying! mike is more secure with will and they simply just get one another, whereas mike and el do not!

he also still acknowledges his other friends and how valuable they are to him, while saying will is different to him. (AND this can be backed up, unlike the s4 monologue. we can see throughout the entire show that this is true, will stands out amongst the rest of his friends to him). one of the big problems mike had in s3 was forgetting friendships and his values for the sake of having a girlfriend.

it's also evidently clear how mike acts with el vs will is very different. mike never brings up his interests with el and instead tries to play cool, tries extra hard to be funny and impress her. (pizza box glasses, the horrendous airport fit, "i like- i like presents too," his weird talking/responding patterns with el at the airport/roller rink)

but the actual mike is nerdy. he's part of the av club. he's into science projects. he's into dnd. he's into figures. literally the moment mike tried showing her his figures she did NOT gaf LMAOO (i understand her priorities lied else where but still, it's a showcase of her lack of interest in mike's hobbies). but will knows these things and takes interest in all of them. will KNOWS mike more than el does.. of course he does, they've known each other since they were 5. you're lying to yourself if you believe mike and el know each other more - they don't even know themselves with each other.

and before i end this, i wanna add this one thing:

"but, if mike and el is platonic even if mike was protective, doesn't this mean that s2 byler was platonic too?" the act of caring for someone is what's platonic. there isn't anything necessarily romantic about it, that's true. but byler is more than just what happened in s1 or s2. byler's love doesn't root from their trauma with all that's going on. mike doesn't feel this connection to will because he went missing - it's love that's grown over time even before they encountered the upside down.

byler isn't real because mike cares about will's life. byler is real because mike separates his relationship with will from his friends, his intimate eye contact, his physical contact, his gentleness, his attentive behavior to will's own behavior/absence, him literally thinking meeting will was the best thing he's ever done.

and mike is still needed by someone the way he wants. will needs him, and not for any reasons related to trauma... simply because will sees the good in mike and who he really is as a person and as a whole. mike brings the best out of will and inspires him.

their love starts from simply knowing and getting each other, whereas mike and el's only begins from unhealthy attachment and trauma on either side. THAT'S the difference. it's nothing more than mike needing to save someone.

anyway i just wanted to point out what i noticed between his dialogue w each person! it's very tough seeing what he says to el viewed as peak romance by certain people, watching his trauma being overlooked for the sake another heterosexual romance. but when he showcases actual secure behavior with another person that happens to be a gay character, they're just friends... not gay at all.

[sillylittlerock]

fuck physics revision this is way more important

initial thoughts-

will, and therefore probably the byers family, are staying with the wheelers. hopper and el also could be there but i'm not sure.

holly will DEFINITELY be important this season. "the vanishing of holly wheeler", the leak of her talking to henry on the street, and now this bts photo confirms it for me. my girl is getting put through it this season. and will be crucial for the plot too.

mike's repressed emotions are going to be focused on this season i think!! from the look of it him and holly will (at first) be together a lot this season, so if she goes missing (likely ON HIS WATCH!!) the guilt he feels will be very very intense. perfect set up for his other trauma to come to light and be talked about, like they did with max in s4.

babysitter byler is all i needed in life i love this so much

WILL IS ALSO THERE, so maybe he will also feel some guilt after holly's disappearance?? how he couldn't help someone else and protect them from what he went through?

mike and will will almost certainly be a team / share the same plot this season - they clearly spend a lot of time together and will probably both feel guilt after holly goes missing, so will probably team up to save her.

this feels so full circle. the bikes, a child going missing, rooted in hawkins- it's definitely giving season one. and i'm SO HERE FOR IT

[asongbirdandanoldhat]

written for the @steddiemicrofic prompt ‘pool’ wc: 442 | rated: G | cw: none

Eddie Munson nearly didn't make 21. But even before becoming a buffet spread for interdimensional hell bats, Eddie never would've imagined spending his 21st birthday at Steve Harrington's. After wide games in the woods with the world's most metal teens, having his pale skin preserved by Nancy's stern gaze and endless sunscreen supply, and somehow surviving the dreamlike vision of Steve, tanned, topless, and happy, Eddie was ready declare his birthday a roaring success. But the glint in Gareth's eye, the way Jeff was watching him while chatting to Buckley, had Eddie on edge. He surveyed the suspiciously quiet yard. Absences noted, Eddie's eyes met Dan's. He tilted his head in question. Dan's hands rose. Eddie honed in. He was great at charades. But before interpretations could begin, Gareth slapped Dan's hands down. His hissed words didn't carry, but the shake of his curly head was unmistakable. Whatever was afoot, the band were in on it. The kids shuffled back outside in an extremely conspicuous formation. Eddie thought they might be smuggling Harrington between them, before he spotted Steve in the doorway, watching them, expression fond. Dustin was vibrating. "Present time." "We already did presents," Eddie said. "Sure. But there's one left." "The big one," Lucas added. "Don't ruin it," Mike muttered. "I didn't say what it was." "Do I get to know what it is?" Eddie derailed, amused. Dustin nodded to Will, who carefully counted down, "Three, two, one." The boys stepped aside, revealing Max, holding his present, and El, holding Max's elbow. Eddie felt tears prickle, as he took in the unnecessarily wrapped gift. There was no mistaking the shape. "You bought me a guitar?" he croaked. El helped Max place the gift in Eddie's lap. His hands slid instinctively around it, the weight felt just right. "Open it," El instructed. Ripping the bright paper revealed a familiar x-shaped body, not the dappled red of his world-saving sweetheart, but a solid black. She was a starless night sky. She was beautiful. "I- How?" "We pooled our allowances." Eddie didn't know how much they got, but he knew how quickly they blew through it. There was no way. Eddie's eyes drifted beyond the kids, finding Steve.

Steve, who'd given Eddie a card, claiming that he didn't have a present yet, hadn't known what to get him. Steve, who'd looked embarrassed when Eddie had called the party a great present and meant it. Steve, whose guilty smile all but confirmed him as majority contributor to the beautiful instrument in Eddie's lap. Steve, who Eddie would have to find a way to thank, to explain what this meant.

For now, Eddie smiled back.

[ikarakie]

part 1

eddie wakes up.

he doesn't expect to. not on earth, anyways. but he does, in a hospital bed, to dustin's scolding and the girls' smiles. he's told they won, vecna's dead. the government are working on clearing his name as they speak as a fucked up 'thank you', and everything is fucking okay.

he asks after red and the sinclairs. apparently, they had a run-in with asshole of the century jason carver, but sinclair had held his own with a mean right hook that harrington had taught him once. max had fought vecna off with the help of supergirl, who'd come into her mind at the last second via shenanigans that eddie didn't understand. though he was assured he'd have the story told to him by mike himself, since he, supergirl, and the byers' were on their way in from california.

everyone's crowded around his bed, minus one very pretty head of hair, firing off their accounts. robin's partway through how the vines had attacked them when it happens.

"and then they grabbed me and slammed me against the wall! so steve-" and she hesitates. widens her eyes and a looks a bit nauseous all of a sudden. eddie feels his stomach sink.

"hey, speaking of harrington, where is he?" he asks, hoping to fucking god it's not what he thinks. though the way the room falls silent, the way dustin's suddenly holding his hand a lot tighter, makes his eyes water.

"he got you out." henderson whispers, sounding so very broken. "he- he carried you back to the gate and sent you through, but it- it was closing." he's biting his lip so hard he draws blood.

"he... he's still there?" eddie asks, breathless, horrified. the image of steve harrington hauling his ass out of that backwards hell dimension only to get stuck there himself makes his head spin. robin breaks down next to him, bringing her legs to her chest on her chair. nancy puts an arm around her shoulder.

"he made sure we all got through first." she says, deceptively even. eddie can see how tense her shoulders are, and he gets it. because, for fucks sakes, of course he sent the girls and henderson through first. "i think... i think he didn't want to risk coming through when it was so nearly closed. so he stayed."

eddie takes a second. looks around the room, at everyone's sullen faces. wonders why steve thought his was the life to save instead of his own, when all these people loved him so fucking dearly. eddie liked robin, and he liked max, and nancy, and the little sinclair, but they were more steve's people than his. and yet the guy, for whatever fucking reason, thought eddie, who was barely clinging on to begin with, was the one who deserved to live?

if you told him three months ago that he'd be sat in a hospital bed, having been dragged back from the edge of death by steve harrington, who'd fucking sacrificed himself to do so, he would've laughed. even more, if you told him that, in that position, eddie's heart ached with affection for the guy, he would've punched you. probably.

not that his puppy crush on steve was a recent development, but this whole... seeing him in action thing had just exacerbated it. especially with all those lingering looks they'd shared. semi-flirty words and little signals that eddie forced himself not to read into. but now he wished he had. wished he'd said what he'd meant to, that last time they saw each other.

"it's okay, though." dustin said, breaking the silence. "because when el comes back, she'll just open a gate, and we can go and get him." he sounds so sure, that for a moment, eddie thinks he's right, but the way nancy sighs indicates this is an issue.

"we'd like to do that." she says, "but... we don't know if vecna dying means... the upside down did, too." god, she was right. what if it'd all collapsed in on itself? robin sobs harder, shaking her head, and eddie puts a hand on one of her knees. wishes, not for the first time, that steve was here, to hold her. instead of- of- wherever he was.

the next week and half passes in a blur. eddie gets discharged, despite everyone's protests, and just told he needs to rest while he heals. they all set up camp in steve's house, which feels fucking weird, but dustin reasons that they need to all be together to form a plan, to watch eddie, and robin had a key anyways, and the place was massive, and it's not like steve ever minded. (the 'when he was alive' goes unspoken. they don't want to talk like that, not yet.)

it's one more week before mike and his little crew get back. apparently, they got caught in some government bullshit that'd held them up, but they return with joyce byers and a back-from-the-dead chief hopper, so that's cool. there's hugs and reunions and stories are exchanged. when the bit about steve getting stuck in the upside down comes up, eddie sees how will byers' face falls. remembers dustin saying he'd been trapped there once, too, and supposes it's sympathy.

chief hopper looks ready to tear the whole place apart. he'd asked after steve the second everyone had gathered, strangely terrifying for a man who was skin and bones. he'd only settled and listened to the story after being assured steve wasn't dead. (not that they... actually knew that, but no one wanted to say it out loud again).

supergirl, eleven, wasted no fucking time. she grabbed a radio and a piece of fabric and apparently began 'searching for steve in the void'. though eddie didn't quite understand, he held his breath alongside everyone else. only relaxing when she smiled, and said, albeit a little wobbly: "he is alive. he is okay."

robin's sobs would probably be with him till the day he died. she'd collapsed into joyce byers' arms, mumbling incoherently. dustin wasn't any better, crying into will's shoulder.

after some safety briefings, and a begruding blessing from hopper, supergirl opened a gate in steve's living room and fucked off through it. eddie was astounded at the ease with which she entered the dimension. will explained that, because vecna was dead, it didn't 'feel as bad anymore'. though he still held mike's hand tightly and sat as far away from it as possible.

and so the waiting game began. they tried to make small talk, tried to keep the mood light, but the whole thing weighed heavy on them. watching the gate to hell that they'd just sent a little girl through, wishing every second she'd come back in one piece.

it was maybe forty five minutes later when max perked up. they all turned to the gate at her movement, and sure enough, there they were.

he was pale, and tired looking, covered in some sort of goop or slime or something. holding eleven's hand the whole time- though for who's benefit, eddie wasn't sure. he stumbled a bit as he stepped through the gate and still, still, turned to help el through. though he was a bit slimmer, and clearly weary, it was him, it was steve, and he was alive.

robin was on him in seconds. screaming, clinging to him and asking him 'how dare you? how fucking dare you? never do that to me again, you piece of shit! i love you so much, you can't do that!' he buried his face in her shoulder and swayed slightly as he held her. murmuring things eddie couldn't hear. dustin wasn't far behind, squeezing between them and similarly blubbering. steve was hugging them both and gazing at them- at everyone who was crying- with such wonder. like he couldn't believe he'd been missed that much.

one by one, everyone had their fill. max whacked him on the arm and then hugged him so tightly it looked like it hurt. nancy brushed his hair back out of his eyes and called him an idiot. joyce byers gently wiped his face of dirt and grime before kissing his cheek. chief hopper held him like a father, strong and tight.

eddie sat back, just watched. wondered how someone could be so loved and not feel worth it at all.

then steve's eyes settled on him. they brightened, almost sparkled. "eddie!" he called. his voice was rough from disuse, but still sounding so relieved and happy it made eddie falter. he stepped forwards, feeling steve's dazzling smile pull the corners of his own mouth upwards. "you're okay!"

then he had an armful of steve harrington, and it all came flooding out. he felt a bit foolish, but only until he realised steve was crying too. "you... asshole." he muttered, holding him as tightly as his strength would allow.

"i told you not to be fucking hero." steve huffed, though it lost any of it's power with how his voice wobbled. "i thought you died, i thought-"

"you're one to fucking talk!" eddie cried, pulling away just enough to look him in the eye. "i woke up and you- they told me you dragged my ass outta there and then stayed behind! no one knew what had happened to you, it's been weeks, steve! i couldn't- why would you do that? why would you not just leave me-"

"i couldn't leave you!" god, he sounded so offended at the very idea. eddie felt like his heart was going to explode out of his chest. "i couldn't- i wouldn't do that-"

"i know you wouldn't." eddie lamented, because fuck, he did. he knew deep down even if he had died there, outside his trailer to those bats, steve still would've brought him home. "doesn't make it any less stupid. just makes you- makes you so-"

it hit him how close they were. probably an inch, maybe less, between their faces.

"makes me so what?" steve asked, a little breathless. eddie gazed at him, deciding that: fuck it. he'd been too close to death to not... see if whatever he thought they had was real. he sent a mental prayer to a god he didn't really believe in anymore: please, let him not have read this wrong.

he looked to steve's lips. pointedly. watched how his cheeks flushed and a shy smile crept onto them. how his eyes flickered down to eddie's as well. there was a silent, shared understanding: if we were alone right now, i'd like to have kissed you.

"so... stupidly perfect, steve harrington." eddie muttered, undeniably affectionate, pulling him in for another embrace. tucked his face into his neck so he could whisper. "you can't save someone's life and then die before they can tell you thank you." steve melted under his touch, pressing a kiss to where his shoulder met his neck under the safety of eddie's hair. it made him warm, and giddy, and so very fucking thankful.

"you can tell me now." he whispered back. eddie couldn't help but smile again. he'd tell him anything if he asked like that.

"thank you, steve." he muttered, squeezing him slightly. hoping his touch communicated what he needed it to: please, please, please don't leave me again.

"anytime, eddie." steve whispered back, hands balling into the fabric of the shirt eddie wore. i won't, as long as you don't either.

[weird-an]

tw: homophobia

Jim drives Max home. She had been to the country fair with El. They are sitting on the backseat, high from the bunch of sweets they bought. The whole car smells like sticky caramel and cotton candy. Like childhood and good memories.

Max hugs El goodbye. El smiles at her and Jim is so fucking relieved. That she's got friends, that she can do what kids her ages do, that she can act normal like she can't kill a man just by thinking about it.

It only lasts a second. El freezes, grabs Max' hand before she can get out of the car.

"Jim," she says, voice wavering. "What's a... faggot?"

Jim frowns. When and why did she learn that word?

"A queer," he says, feeling uneasy. He isn't really prepared to talk about stuff like that in his car on a Saturday evening. "A person who… loves someone of the same gender. Don't use these words... It's not nice."

"Queer," El echoes. Shit. Max stares at her with wide eyes. More... guilty than surprised. "Is that bad?"

"No." Hopper shuffles in his seat. "Just... different."

Why are they talking about this?

El stares at Max' house. A line between her eyes.

"Billy is hurt. He thinks it's okay, because Neil is right about him," she says finally, like she's reciting a text she memorized.

"What?" Jim's mouth turns dry. "What happened?"

"What happens to faggots," El repeats, voice monotone and eyes distant. "Neil just wants to help."

Jim doesn't know shit about gay people. Jim didn't ever really think about them. But he knows about fathers whose help is nothing but wounds and scars and nightmares.

He's out of the car and bangs at the door.

"What's going on, Sheriff?" A stern looking man with a mustache is opening, a frown on his face. There's blood on his wedding ring, his hand on the door.

"You're not laying a hand on the kid," Jim yells and he can feel El's presence in the back of his mind, her fear and maybe that's what makes him pull Neil Hargrove by his collar. "Do you understand?"

"Sir, there has to be a misunderstanding-" Neil starts, but is shut up.

Jim has always been a hothead and he doesn't even remember raising his fist. He lets go of the other man.

Neil holds his nose.

"Oh, I understand fuckers like you," Jim spits. "I was raised by one."

He tries to peek into the dark of the house.

"Billy," he shouts.

Billy looks small next to his dad. His lip is split, eyes wide and he stares at Jim like he's a monster, Santa Claus or something similar unbelievable.

"Chief," he says. He's scared, Jim can see that. His hands are shaking.

"Your dad doesn't know shit. If he ever touches you again, call me. Do you understand?"

"O-okay." Billy nods, voice shaky.

Jim turns to the boy's father. "Not in my town," he spits. "Not Max, not Billy, no one."

He knows he can't save everyone, but he can at least try to protect some kids.

[rogueddie]

Steve is so tired. He's trying so hard, but it never feels like enough.

He started learning first aid almost immediately after the first incident. Couldn't get that things claws out of his mind, couldn't stop thinking about how little he and Nancy could have done if it had decided to take a swipe at Jonathon- he'd looked so helpless, made Steve feel so guilty for taking so long to come back.

But it had come at the cost of everything else. He was so focused on learning first aid, on learning as much about emergency care, that he fell behind in school. It's hard to thinking about How To Kill a Mockingbird when he's trying to get stitches right, when he's got the mental image of Jonathon or Nancy bleeding out stuck in his mind.

And then in the second incident he'd been surrounded by kids, so small and... breakable. He doesn't think he'll ever stop having nightmares about dogs, opening faces, Max screaming or his fragile Dustin had felt when he'd tried to lift him out the way.

The kids shouldn't have to just deal with the trauma. But who can they talk to? Actually talk to? There's no one apart from each other... so Steve seeks out therapists, books, teachers. Anything and everyone who will let him talk with them. Absorbs as much as he can and, when he feels prepared enough, he starts to reach out to the kids. Starts talking to them.

They get happier. It's so painfully visible, the bounce in their step that returns whenever they finish talking to him, that the parents often pull him aside to thank him. It gets to the point that Hopper asks him to start coming to the cabin, start talking to El too.

After the third incident, though, he isn't sure what he can do to help. Isn't sure he should, not until he gets help himself. But the only person he feels comfortable talking to is Robin and that's not good. He's tried so many times to tell her that she's becoming codependent on him, that it's only encouraging him to depend far too heavily on her in return. Neither of them actually care that much.

Max stops talking to him. El won't answer his calls and Will doesn't know how to open up over the phone. Oddly enough, Jonathon is the only one in California that opens up to him. Though, that's probably because he's high all the time.

By the time the fourth incident rolls around, Steve is tired. Bone deep, exhausted. He's not sure he can learn anything else, isn't sure how useful he can really be. And with the amount of primal fear that is horrifyingly visible in Eddies eyes? He's not sure he'll ever know how to actually help him. Help any of them.

But then Eddie is bleeding. There's so many bites and Steve acts on auto-pilot. Yelling out instructions at Dustin and Nancy, snapping his fingers at Robin to get her to kneel on his other side. He ignores the way she sobs as she presses where he tells her to- he can feel guilty about forcing Eddies life into her hands as well later.

Its hard, long work, to stitch Eddie back together. He's not sure it'll be enough, isn't sure it isn't a wasted effort, but he has to try. He has to.

Two weeks later, he's released from the hospital. A lot of the stitches that are still holding him together, hidden beneath bandages, are the same ones Steve slowly weaved into his skin. Eddie constantly brings it up. Constantly brags that, not only did Steve save his life, but he's still holding him together.

When Steve tries to talk to him, though, it's all flipped on its head.

After Eddie finally gets it all off his chest, eyes red but so much more relaxed, he turns a tired smile on Steve. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Why did Steve Harrington learn first aid?"

Steve blinked at him, a little confused. But Eddie raises an eyebrow, expectant. So Steve started talking- but once he started, he couldn't seem to stop. He just unloaded everything, all the fears and trauma, everything that drove him to learn. To be better, to be useful.

"-And it's still not enough!" Steve finally sobs, already regretting opening his mouth. Eddie is so cool, has been there for Steve in a way he hadn't known he needed so bad. And now he's going to lose him, Steve is sure. He's going to see how useless Steve is.

"Steve, hey, no," Eddie hushes, moving to sit next to him, to curl an arm around his shoulders. "You've done more than anyone should've asked of you. More than you ever needed to. From what I've seen, you're the only thing holding this ragtag group together. They would've fallen apart without you. You're not just useful, Steve, you're the most important."

He kisses the top of Steves head, holds him tight. He doesn't seem to care when Steves snot gets on his top, just rubs his back. It's nice, Steve realizes. Doesn't know how he hadn't realized how much he needed someone to just... hold him. And Eddie holds him tight, fingers digging in, like he's trying to make it clear to Steve that he isn't going to let go.

Steve, finally, relaxes.

[thethingsweneversaid]

Am I crazy or did I just crack the mystery of the monologue scene????

Why did they lose against Vecna in season 4? What were they missing?

They lost the race against time. Time was obviously significant this season (The grandfather clock, Vecna's obsession with time, the UD being frozen in time). The time was simply up, they were too late. Who’s to blame? Mike Wheeler. 

Okay, let me explain, haha.

Throughout the whole series we all know Mike being late, or almost late to things is recurring. Every season in fact. S1: Mike’s campaign was too long, and he tried to get the party to stay past their curfew. S2: Mike was trying to get in contact with El on his walkie, almost making him late to the arcade. S3: Mike was almost late to the cinema because he was with El, making them almost miss the beginning of the movie. S4: Mike was reading El’s letter, almost making him and Nancy late for school... He begins every season with a race against time. Also worth noting that El was the reason for him being late in s2, s3 and s4. Also ALSO worth noting that in season 1, Mike begs his parents to let the party stay longer. The campaign took two weeks to plan! They need to finish it. He has no rush. While in all the other seasons (when he was late because of El), we get a "Shit! Shit! I'm going to be late"-version of Mike. He's stressed out and rushed. Not sure where I'm going with this last point, but I'm sure it means something and that it'll make sense in s5. The point is, Mike gets distracted by El.

Now for the monologue. This time, it's not Mike getting distracted by El. It's him distracting El.

Jason was obviously a key reason for them being too late as well. The scenes switch between Lucas fighting him and Mike’s monologue, comparing the two. Jason destroys Max’s walkman, destroying her connection to Lucas and the world outside her mind. Mike tries to get El to wake up by lifting her out of the freezer, taking off her glasses, Will shoves the radio away. They’re trying to get her out of Max’s mind and into the real world again. But El doesn't want to wake up. She is ready to fight for Max. The boys obviously tried to help because who knows what would’ve happened if they didn’t? They thought El was dying. When Mike begins his monologue, El looked away from Max and up “towards Mike’s voice”. She was listening to him now. Getting distracted. El continuously tells people throughout the series to be quiet when going into her “trance”. People talking distracts her, and she needs to concentrate. Mike also reminds the audience of the importance of the sensory deprivation tank. "It helps her calm down and focus on her powers". With Mike removing all the aids that help her concentrate (the glasses, the tank, the radio), while also talking to her, we can only assume that now, El isn’t only fighting to save Max, but also to stay in Max’s mind, further slowing her down.

At the end of the monologue, Mike reminds her she has to fight, and El’s eyes snap back to Max. That’s when she breaks loose from the vines. Whether you think El believes what Mike is saying and utilizes his loving words for strength or not, it’s still a distraction. I’ve seen a lot of people say that they felt impatient while watching this scene. Like «get on with it! Vecna is literally killing Max RIGHT NOW». And we're probably right to feel impatient! That's probably what the writers were going for! The audience was supposed to feel like that. El lost valuable time because of it. Mike is making them late this time too.

Will is also kinda to blame in this (I don't blame any of them, it's just an unfortunate set of events and they all did what they thought was best, but you get what I mean) Because in a way, Mike is distracted too. Distracted from the truth. That happened when Will lied to him in the van, disguising his own feelings for Mike, using El as a distraction for Mike to focus on instead. Will's guiding Mike towards a lie. He convinced Mike that El was feeling a certain way, which she WAS NOT. (For example: "You make her feel like she’s not a mistake at all, like she’s better for being different." cue Mike and El’s fight where she accuses him of thinking she’s a monster too, like everyone else.) (This also contrasts Will singling Mike out as the only person that doesn't treat him differently in season 2 in that scene with Will and Jonathan.) Mike doesn’t make El feel the way Will portrayed it in the van, though Mike is led to believe that she does.

Therefore, making the feelings that was the foundation for the monologue a lie. Both to Mike and El. It isn’t authentic. This doesn't apply to them. which brings me to my next point. 

 "A paladin swears to uphold justice and righteousness, to stand with the good things of the world against the encroaching darkness, and to hunt the forces of evil wherever they lurk. Different paladins focus on various aspects of the cause of righteousness (honesty=righteousness and honor for Mike), but all are bound by the oaths (promises, “friends don’t lie”) that grant them power to do their sacred work. Oaths, honor, and rigid rules define a paladin's everyday actions. Breaking these oaths (by lying) means their deity will revoke their powers."

This is why his monologue didn’t work. It was a lie (And Mike knowingly or unknowingly portrayed that lie to El). Without his honesty, Mike the paladin loses his powers. He couldn’t save them. 

Will’s selfless attempt to save their relationship sadly turned out to be counter-productive in every way, hindering all of them from seeing the truth. Will was also the one that told Mike not to stop, when in reality, maybe stopping and letting El be was exactly what he should've done. He's the heart. But he's Will's heart. That's what Will would've wanted Mike to do, seeing as Mike has saved him/snapped him out of his episodes multiple times by speaking to him: Of course Will thinks that's the right thing to do! Mike's doing what Will would've needed, not El.

It adds a new layer to El being upset with Mike in the cabin by the end of s4, because it isn't as simple as "she knows Mike is lying" or "She's just upset because they lost". She's upset because once again Mike doesn't trust that she knows her own limits (This being a huge reason for conflict in s3 between El/Mike/Max.) Mike worries because he cares of course, but it isn't what El needs ("Mike, I need you to trust me.") When Mike tries to help her, she fails. But she "redeems herself" when she's making her own decision, without outside influences other than love for her friends. She pushes her limits further than ever before, bringing Max back to life, trusting herself and her powers, without Mike knowing.

Mike is the heart, yes. The problem was - the heart was in the wrong place. They all got it wrong this time. They got confused and misunderstood each other. That’s why they lost. In the next season, I believe Mike and El are going to realize that they’ve both been focusing on the wrong things, and that is how they’re going to win. Still using love as their weapon - just a different kind of love that’s not distracting them from what they really need, not slowing them down. El coming fully into her own, reaching her full potential and using her powers the way she knows best, with the support of her loved ones making her stronger - not under the influence of Mike trying to stop her out of worry. And Mike’s heart being in the right place. With Will. 

I've seen other people talk about this next part, but I'm adding it in because it further proves the point.

Another indication that proves to me that at least SOME of the monologue is a blatant lie is the Romeo and Juliet parallel, with the word "Montague" spelled out behind Mike, and the "love at first sight"-refrence. "I knew right then and there, in that moment, that I loved you." That. is. a. lie. and there's just no going around it. Romeo and Juliet's romance wasn't actually real love, just infatuation. The Duffers also said they don't believe in love at first sight. For them to use that trope wouldn't just be wierd and cliché, but also contradicts everything we were shown in season 1. Are we just supposed to believe that Mike loved her, decpite them showing us otherwise?

More on the Romeo and Juliet thing in this post.

Conclusion: The Duffers are geniuses I’m never getting over this show.

[morganski-19]

Chills Right to the Marrow Part 32

ao3 link| part 1 . . . part 29, part 30, part 31

Eddie ended up needing more than just a week before he was cleared to come home. He needed at least two, and even then, it was all up to the hospital’s physical therapist to determine if he gained enough strength to go home. Where he wasn’t going to get more hurt by living at home.

But he was still coming home. And soon. Which means that Dustin has to get convincing. Steve was supposed to plant the initial seed. Let it ruminate, so by the time Dustin got there, he could hammer the final nail in. But when Dustin pulled out his list of reasons, ready for the spiel, he can barely get a word out before Wayne’s speaking.

“Oh, I already heard all about it,” is what he said. “I can admit that it’s a good plan. Thanks for thinking of it.”

That was easy. Too easy. Did Steve really convince him all by himself?

Either way, the plan was in motion. A few days later, Wayne moves in with Steve. Taking one of the bedrooms upstairs, a few doors down the hall from Steve. Right next to the guest bathroom that would be just his. He was almost never there, but it was better than the motel.

Dustin could tell that he was sleeping a little better. It could be knowing that Eddie was coming home soon, and that he could slow down the house hunting process a little bit. Give more time to find a place that they will both love and spread out the expenses of finding new furniture. Steve already offering storage space in another one of his spare bedrooms and anywhere they need.

It's not like anyone else uses the house.

Time continues to pass, and each day Eddie gets stronger. On the two-month anniversary of the day he woke up from the coma, he takes his first step without any assistance. Human assistance, at least. He is still using mobility aids. But he still did it.

Some days are better than others. The pain has subsided to some extent, but there are days where Dustin visits and Eddie barely moves. Something about pins and needles traveling up his arms and legs when he does. And there are days where he’s really shaky, and nothing can help it.

But he can still come home this week. So, they needed to actually get their asses in gear.

Steve helped Wayne sneak back into his house in the middle of the night to try and salvage some of Eddie’s clothes. Or really, anything that was in Eddie’s room. They were able to save some of Wayne’s stuff too, so he could walk around in something other than the same two outfits and his work uniforms.

The room on the first floor apparently had never even been used. So, Steve had to take the plastic off of the mattress and get some sheets for it. the room was otherwise bare, except for the patterned wallpaper and basic furniture. It wasn’t Eddie though, so it needed some work.

Dustin employed pretty much everyone he could.

“Dustin,” Gareth yelled down the hall. “I have those posters that you wanted, they’re in my garage. Swing by anytime to pick them up.”

It was more posters than Dustin was expecting. Black Sabbath, Dio, Metallica, mixed in with old posters they made for Corroded Coffin, and one old one from Hellfire. There’re a few movie posters mixed in as well from titles Dustin doesn’t even recognize. But it’s good.

Steve finds an old cassette player in his basement. Looks like it had never even been opened. It’s a really nice one too. They were able to find some of Eddie’s cassettes, but most of them where ruined.

It was still something.

“Don’t you think this is, like, a lot,” Mike questions. The posters and picture Dustin had printed out almost entirely covering the walls.

“No,” Dustin says. Going back to unpacking some of the things that they saved from the trailer.

“His room wasn’t even this covered in the trailer,” Lucas adds for some reason. “You don’t think this might be a little overkill.”

Dustin glares at them. “But he didn’t have this gross wallpaper in his trailer.”

“It is not that bad,” El comments from the bed. Her and Max just sitting there, not helping.

“Someone describe it to me, I want to know. Wait,” Max points at Dustin. Somehow knowing exactly where he is and that he was going to describe it poorly. “Someone other than him.”

“It’s literally just a bunch of small red diamonds,” Lucas explains. “Think Steve’s room but slanted and red. But not plaid.”

Max nods. “Yeah, that isn’t that bad. It could be worse. Have you seen the pink flower room.” She gags.

“It still is not that bad,” El defends.

Will and Mike share a look, continuing to unpack a box of books. Steve brings in what should be the last box of things. Considering they were only able to save so much. He looks around at the walls, taking in everything.

“Dustin, I know you want this place to feel like home, but could you leave a little bit of wall uncovered. We don’t want to overwhelm him.”

“He’s not a toddler, Steve,” Dustin groans. “I don’t think he’s going to get overwhelmed.”

Robin comes in to tell Steve something. But gets stopped in her tracks as she looks around the room. “Oh. My. God. That is a lot of posters.”

“Thank you,” Lucas says. Arms crossed while he stands in the corner. “I think we have more than enough on the walls.”

“There’s more?” she questions. “Where were you going to put them?”

“Fine,” Dustin whines. “I won’t put any more posters up.”

Robin leans into Steve. “By the way, your mom’s on the phone.”

Steve lets out a long sigh. “Thank you.”

He walks out of the room, Robin close behind him. The rest of them putting the finishing touches. Lucas and Mike convincing Dustin to take down some of the posters and make the walls look less cluttered. Like Eddie would care about cluttered. Have they seen what his old room looked like.

But he might be able to admit that floor to ceiling posters were a little overkill. He just wanted this place to feel even a little reminiscent of the trailer. Of what Eddie had back home. Is that really so bad?

The next day, they all patiently wait in the living room. Eddie was getting discharged this morning. Meaning that Wayne is bringing him here, right now. Eddie will be in real clothes, out of the hospital. Finally getting back to normal.

Or, as normal as he could possibly be. But still more normal than in a hospital.

Because now, he can eat real food. And get real sleep. That isn’t constantly disturbed by nurses checking on him in the middle of the night. In a bed that is really comfortable. In a house that is constantly quiet.

He might finally start to fully get back to the Eddie that Dustin knew before all of this.

A car pulls up into the drive. Doors slam, and voices can be heard by the door. Steve goes to get the door before the bell rings. They were supposed to wait in the living room, but Dustin can’t help it. He follows.

“Holy shit, Harrington, how tall is this ceiling?”

“I have no clue.”

Eddie’s crutches make soft thumps with every step. Steve shuts the door and lets them know where they can put their shoes. It’s a bustle of voices while Dustin waits for them to turn around and see that he’s there.

That he’s been waiting for this. For so long.

“You know you didn’t have to build that ramp for me,” Eddie says to Steve. Still not turning around.

“I didn’t. I built it for Max. You just get to use it for free.”

Eddie smiles a teasing smile. It’s been a while since Dustin’s seen that. “Aw, taking pity on me, are you, Steve.”

“Just shut up.”

Wayne clears his throat, stopping whatever the two of them were doing. He nods his head toward Dustin still waiting in the hall. Eddie turns his head, finally, and sees him.

Something in the shape of relief fills his face. “Hey, Henderson.”

“You’re here.” Dustin can’t help the wetness in his voice. Or his eyes. He wasn’t expecting to cry, it just happened.

Eddie makes his way over to Dustin. Slightly wincing in pain, but not complaining. He balances his crutches just right so he can pull Dustin into a hug. A proper hug. Dustin’s not sure how long it’s been since he’s hugged Eddie. Too afraid to do in in the hospital.

But he’s not in the hospital anymore.

“Yeah,” Eddie says with more waiver in his voice than he would probably admit. “I’m here.”

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[williamandmichaelendgame]

Byler and The Imitation Game

My native language is not english so i hope you understand everything🥰.

So we all know the poster from Will in S4 was about Alan Turing and i found the movie ,,The Imitation Game” and i watched it, and it was very interesting for byler and mileven.

So at first Alan was gay and saved 14 Million lives and shortened the ww2 around 2 years.

Alan was also inlove with his bestfriend, Christopher.

( on the left side is Christopher and on the right Alan)

So he needed to crack the german enigma in year 1939 and he wanted to see if anyone can crack a puzzle under 6 minutes, and a lady, Joan, was late and she argued with a man. So Alan went to her and said something like ,,you can sit down”. She argued with the man, because he thought that she didn’t cracked the puzzle all by herself, because they needed to also crack a puzzle before they crack the other puzzle, and she was a woman,thats why the man thought she could not do it all by herself, it was during WW2.

I think it’s like El and Mike, Mike trusted El and let her to his house, but we all know Lucas and Dustin didn’t like her. So we can imagine like Dustin and Lucas are the men who doesnt like women and Mike like Alan liked her and let her to his house and like Alan gave her a chance to crack this puzzle even if she was a woman.

Now we go to Alan’s school time, he was bullied for being ,,different”. But he had help from his best friend, Christopher. One day they were under a tree, Christopher read a book. And Alan was interested, so Christopher thought that he would like it too. And then they shared a cute smile and i think that was the moment Alan realized his feelings for Christopher. And then they had a math class and shared letters and Christopher wrote something like ,,See you in two long weeks, my dearest friend”🥰🥰. And after that two weeks Alan wrote ,,i love you” and he waited for him, but he never came back, because he died of his illness.

I think in ST are letters romantic, like here, but i mean not every letter is romantic. But i don‘t think mike knows that he loves him, because i think he would like get distance himself from Will. Because i think we all think that mike has internalized homophobia, but i mean he will notice it in S5.

Okay so now we come back to Alan and Joan, so she cracked the puzzle under 6 minutes and i mean they liked eachother, but Joan had to leave,because her parents wanted her back and because she had no husband. So Alan had the idea to marry her, and they did.

So what do you think? I think Mike forced himself to get into a relationship like Alan for a reason, maybe because he’s gay or what i think he ,,loved” her in the moment were she wore nancys dress or just another reason idk. We don’t know what he thought or felt. He just looked at her and said ,,pretty”. Idk but the duffers will hopefully explain what he thought or felt.

And after Alan was engaged with her, they were at a party and a friend of Alan asked Joan to dance with him and they did, then Alan smiled at them but it faded away and a friend sat next to him and he said ,,what’s the matter?” Alan said ,,what if- what if i don’t fancy being with joan that way”😟 and then the friend said ,,because you’re a homosexual?” And Alan said ,,i care about her, i truly do,i just dont know if i can pretend…”😱

We all know mike said to Eleven ,,i care about you so much” and i think this scene from Alan was inspired from it.

And now a good one, they ,,broke up” because Alan said he is gay, but she said ,,i had my suspicions, but i care about you and i know you care about me” and idk i never saw a post about it but in S3 eleven said to max ,,how do i know what i like?” LIKE WHAT😭 how do you know what you love when you don’t even know what you like and it was just about clothing?

And Alan said that he was never alone, because he said to his Computer, Christopher and after he cracked enigma, he took his Computer, Christopher home with him.

,,I think it‘ll be easier if we’re a team. Friends. Best Friends.” So Mike and Will are working together. Like Alan and Christopher just that Christopher is his Computer😓.

And omg im sorry i dont have structure😭 i just saw Joan and Alan danced together but they were not inlove😭

Like El and Mike they danced together🤔

And thats a really good one omg💀 Alan said ,, what if- what if i don’t fancy being with joan that way” and Will also said ,,what if- what if they don’t like the truth?” And mike nods💀and when Alan said ,,what if- what if” he didn’t stuttered it was just a break like Will.So i think maybe what Alan said is that what mike think or is like an answer to Will’s question.

But ik it doesn’t mean that Alan Turing is like Mikes story, it’s just inspiring, from a gay icon🥰. Maybe El and Mike they were in love somehow, because i think it’s difficult to explain it,but i mean i think the duffers have also their own ideas and get inspired from other movies/shows.But that they are not inspired from this movie, i would say it’s impossible 😭 See how many things are like the same. Me personally i think that’s why it’s real because Mike is very big maybe (it’s obvious) inspired from Alan so yeah.

[alcalystrasz]

This Love at first sight between Argyle and Eden was introduced in order to show what heteronormative couples are like from Mike's point of view.

Which is is why in his Love confession he felt like he had to say that he fell in love with El the first time he saw her.

He had no idea what to tell her. It's only when Will remembers him that he's the heart that he makes up that confession in order to help El to get out and save Max. He thought that's what she needed to hear, because she wanted an I Love You, from him, from a long time now.

This is why his love confession doesn't make sense at all. First, when they meet for the first time in season 1, the scene wasn't made into thinking he fell in love for the first time or something romantic. He just felt confused of seeing a random kid in the woods, with just a t-shirt on, with a buzz cut, and without any idea if this kid is a girl or a boy.

And may I remind you that day, when they found her in the woods, is the same day Will disappeared. Mike really cares about Will, so much he went in the woods, in the pouring rain, with a high chance risk that something could also happen to him, to find him. So there's no way, he fell in love with a girl, a random girl, a random weird looking girl, that same day his bestfriend from ever disappeared.

While the Love Confession in season 4 didn't seem intimate because Will is almost all the time in the back, with the lights flashing, the heart to heart scene between Mike and Will in season 2 was made so it'd be only about them and no one else. It seems like they're the only two people in the room when they're not. There's no music, for more intimacy and more truth in Mike's speech, the light is only on them, and they're the only people the camera points at. The confession of Will sounded way more interesting than what he did to El.

At that moment he knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to talk about the first day they met. But for El, he didn't know what to say, he just thought about it and tried to invent something. But for Will, it came from the heart.

[glimmerlofsea]

Billy Hargrove x Reader

MASTERLIST

PLEASE

Warning : mentions of blood, fluffy fluff!

WC; 1,7k

#TALKISSA; hear me out... what if you were Billy's girlfriend and you guys had an argument a few days ago before he almost died because he was possessed by a mind flayer... Did he make it?

It feels like it was just yesterday when he said that dumb thing to you that he was in love with you. Do you believe that Billy Hargrove loves you? What is the reason? But little by little he proved it.

He's in love with you, and you're in love with him.

And a few days ago you two had a fight because Billy was distancing himself from you for no reason. You hate him when he suddenly shut himself off from you and doesn't let go of his true feelings. You hate it when he carries his heavy burden alone. You are with him to carry his burden together, not to add to his burden.

But it turns out there was a reason, you are Y/N Hopper, you know all that little Upside Down stuff, you know it very well since you were the one who helped your father solve the case of Will Byers who disappeared. And now your boyfriend is affected. Maybe you shouldn't have dragged him into this in the first place? You just wanted to stick his relationship with Max since the fight with Steve at the Byers house, but things got out of hand.

You went through everything with a heavy heart, you didn't want to hurt Billy but he hurt El, she wasn't just a supernatural girl who was saved by your father, but she was also your sister.

When you realized Billy was standing in front of the mind flayer, you were too busy looking for firecrackers to distract the mind flayer, but it was too late. When Max shouted Billy's name, your whole body shook, you immediately took the stairs to run down, ignoring Steve who shouted your name.

As much as you want to throw your body on the floor, your heart hurts too much to see Billy who is lying on the mall floor with blood flowing from his stomach and coming out profusely from his mouth. You remember very well when he said, "I would risk my life for you. Even with all these interdimensional problems." You wouldn't think he really proved what he said.

Tears streamed down your face and you ran fast towards Billy,

"Mike, help her!" You said in between your runs for Mike to help Eleven while you propped Billy to lie on your thigh.

You held back the bleeding with your hand, your whimpers echoed throughout the Mall, even the huge monster's groans were almost overshadowed by your voice.

"No, no, no, please, please, hold on." You whined looking at Billy's face and at his wound in turn, "Please."

Billy coughed, "It's okay. I'm sorry."

You shook your head, pressing your forehead against his, "Don't fucking act like these are your last words." Your breath hitched, "I won't let that happen. To you."

You looked around, looking at Mike who was hugging El while looking at you, "What are you doing?! Call 911, ask someone for help, or— Or call my Dad! Call my dad! Or anyone!" You felt guilty for yelling at Mike but Billy really needed help.

"I won't— I won't make it." Billy stammered.

"Don't. Don't say that. Don't you dare to say that, Hargrove."

"I love you. And tell everyone I'm sorry, especially Max."

You really did what you could to stop the bleeding, you couldn't help him and you hate yourself for that, you promised to help him through the difficult things in his life but even you yourself dragged him into this difficult thing?

"Dad! Please, where are you, I need you!" You scream in your tears.

Some time later the government arrives with the police and an ambulance, you're not sure but you really have to hold on if Billy is going to make it.

You came out of the mall while holding Billy's hand tightly, who was already on the patient's bed with a nebulizer to help him breathe, with Max running behind you.

You saw Eleven who was crying accompanied by Joyce, your bad thoughts started to nest in your head, you looked at Max, "Watch him, okay? I'll be back." With an unsteady breath, Max nodded, you kissed the side of her hair and walked slowly towards Eleven and Joyce.

It's raining there, but you don't care anymore, what's worse than rain? You've been through it all.

"El, what's going on?" You asked El but she didn't answer, you looked at Joyce who was looking at you with pity, "Oh, Y/N, honey, I'm sorry—"

You shook your head, taking a deep breath, "No. Tell me."

"Hopper is dead."

The words echoed in your ears, you fell silent, not allowing your eyes to blink even once to process Joyce's words once again, you felt like you heard wrong but you hoped you didn't hear those words, never in your life. You couldn't hear what Joyce said next.

You looked at the ambulance where Max was waiting there, you let out a cry, does there have to be a victim every year? And should those be the two people you love most in your life? Life isn't fair. You're despiteful.

The funeral for your father had passed, when the Byers family and El went back to California you just locked yourself in your father's cabin. Yes, it was a mess because of the mind flayer, but that cabin was the only beautiful memory you could remember with your father.

You just curl up yourself at the corner of the cabin and cried. After the funeral you don't dare to meet anyone. Max called you but you ignored her. You are too lost in thoughts that are against you, you think that everything you touch will slowly leave you, will die.

The phone rang, you immediately stood up quickly and wiped your tears, what you thought was maybe it was your father who was faking his death, right?

You picked up the phone, “Dad?”

You expected to hear his voice, but you didn't, "Y/N... I'm sorry. I'm Max. I just wanted to let you know that Billy is awake and I know some things are really hard for you to go through, but we need you, Y/N. Please."

You hold back your tears, maybe your father is really gone, the one precious person in your life, but you still have one more precious person and you won't let him go like you neglected to let go of your father.

You immediately go to the hospital in minimal clothes, saw Max who was sitting in front of the room, you were standing in front of her, she got up from her seat and hugged you, "I'm sorry." You shut your mouth tightly so you wouldn't cry.

As soon as she let go of the hug you tried to smile and nodded, "Don't be sorry. It's not your fault."

Max smiled faintly, "Lucas will pick me up, there's only Billy inside." You nod.

As soon as Max left, you immediately opened the bedroom door to see Billy's condition. He had opened his eyes and immediately looked at you, as if he had been waiting for your presence. He smiled, how could it be that a few moments ago he almost lost his life and now he was smiling?

You smiled in relief and approached him,

"Hi,"

You took a chair and sat next to him, holding his hand and kissing it, “Hey,” Your voice was shaky.

He took his hand from you to wipe your tears, "I heard the news, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you cry, Princess. Come here,"

You shook your head and caught your breath, "About me it could be another day, but today you're awake and that's a really good thing. Let's make this your day, okay? I can hold it."

"Are you sure? I hate seeing you like this."

"You think I don't hate seeing you ridiculously act like that in front of a big giant monster?" You asked, pursing your lips.

You lost your father, but that is a sign that he is in a good place, a place where he can rest from the problems that make his life complicated.

Billy chuckled, "Give me your kiss, I miss them. I can't wake up, my body still hurts."

You smiled and wiped away the remaining tears that Billy had not had time to wipe away moments before. You got up to kiss his cheek, but he turned his head so that your lips met.

"I love you." He said in between your kisses, "I love you too."

When Hopper allowed your relationship with Billy you were very happy, on the condition that Billy would protect you at all costs. And he really did. Your mind has gone too far when you think about starting a small family with Billy and Hopper becoming really great grandfathers. But what happens if you live in a city full of curses, right?

A few weeks later you sent a letter to California where El and the Byers lived, apologizing for not being there when they were away, and also conveying your longing for El or now preferring to be called Jane.

Since the incident at Starcourt Mall an unexpected incident occurred, Neil was arrested following a suggestion made by your father before all this happened. Making you live at the Mayfield residence, apart from helping to look after Billy, you also help Max with her homework and Susan with daily household activities.

"Babe!"

You heard Billy shouting from the room, you who were washing dishes turned off the sink, "A minute!"

Max is at school and Susan is trying to blend in with the Mother of Hawkins, so for now you're the only one you can rely on at home.

You dry your hands briefly with a small towel and then walk towards the room. Billy can walk, but the doctor said it would be good if he did bed rest for a while so that the stitching wound in his stomach could really heal.

"What do you need, baby?" You asked landing yourself in front of him who was leaning on the edge of the bed.

Billy sighed, he pat the side of the bed next to him, signaling for you to sit next to him, you did as he said and he buried his head on your shoulder, "I hate being useless. I'm sorry if I bother you."

You pushed his body gently and cupped his cheeks, "Hey. You're not useless, okay? Why do you think like that, huh? Throw those thoughts away, I'm not here to feel you think like that, I'm here because now what I really prioritize and care about is you, Billy. I almost lost you, because of myself and I won't let that happen again."

Billy raised the corners of his lips, you pecked his nose, "Besides, I like you like this, it's like taking care of a big baby, you know?"

Billy chuckled, "Oh, so now my nickname is big baby?" He started tickling your stomach, making you laugh in amusement, "Stop it,"

Billy smiled and kissed all over your face. You love him, really love him.

Author Note : Okay! I know I said I would upload a Sebastian Stan fanfic, but it takes a lot of will to release it... sorry for the delay, but don't worry, it will come! for sure! I just need to give up my freedom to write as many Billy Hargrove stories as I can! Thank you, issea! :D

[pythoness94]

Mike never gets to process

I love how in every season Mike's feelings are put on the back burner. Like, in season 1 he was finding Will. He had this girl IN HIS BASEMENT, and while his party members were freaking out about it. He was also, reasonably, freaked out but he had to put that aside because not only did he find a way to find Will, he saw a scared kid. he saw someone like him and decided to help. Mike has all these some explosion of emotions like in season two with Max but of course he's pissy about someone being added to the party. He thinks they're replacing El, not taking Will's plight seriously, and aren't taking his thoughts into account all because they have a crush on Max. He thinks it's silly, especially since he listened to them while they were freaking out about El even when he supposed had "a crush" on her according to Lucas. He's mad, but he has to put it aside for the greater good of the party. He even sees Max's "assets" (or rather warms up to her) on his own time between this. He never hated Max, he hated that he was getting some unknown person thrusted upon him when he was already juggling so many issues.

In season 3, he decided "Fuck it" and focused his everything on El. Not just to ignore his own problems but to "Solve" one of the party's problems so he can focus on the rest. He problem decided to go with a list and move down it with what he thought was easiest, not knowing or rather putting off the problems it would create because he assumed that by solving the main issue the rest would dissolve on it's own. Then, as more problems appeared, and he couldn't ignore them. He blew up at whatever was in his way, Will. That's what pulled him out of his one-track mindset, Will leaving. He had to go find Will because he realized that everything, in his mind, gets fucked up when he puts Will on the back burner. Then, even after realizing that, he couldn't deal with it because of the Mindflayer showing up.

In season 4, he was so messed up and entangled in lies. El was lying to his face through the letters that he had this messed up version of Will pictured that hurt the both of them. He is constantly battling lies in this season, Will lies to him to, drowning him farther. Then, he has to lie to El to save her. He has Will telling him what to do and his heart is breaking because he loves him, not her, but he's forced to give up on that because. In his mind, from what he knows from El's letters and what Will is telling him, Will doesn't love him back. His heartbreak is on pause to save El. Then when he goes back to Hawkins , it's in shambles and Max is basically dead. he has to pick of the pieces of his party rather then deal with everything that's been building once again.

How cool would it be in season 5 for Mike to have a breakdown in front of the party. he gets so overwhelmed trying to fix something that he just breaks. Or, he gets in a fight and (as cringe as this sounds.) you know that scene in encanto where Isabelle does that "I was doing it for the family thing?" Imagine Mike does that. He's screaming at idk some party member and they bring up El and he just snaps. "I never wanted to date El," Or "I wasn't doing it for El, I was doing it for the PARTY!" And the place falls into silence as Mike's words hit everyone and they all realize the small and big things Mike does for them? It would be so neat.

[thefirstlioveyou]

What will Mike and Will's S5 Fight Be About?

Shawn Levy basically confirme/implied another angsty Byler fight for S5.

But, what will it be about? Some think it'll be about the painting, but personally, I don't think so at all. I believe the fight will be about Mike's internalized homophobia; Mike will be afraid to romantically be with Will and it hurts Will.

First off, I don't think Mike would be mad for him hiding his feelings or lying about the painting. The sole purpose of the painting lie is to open a gate way to Mike knowing how Will feels about him. It's a set up. Why would he be mad that it was Will who thought those amazing things about him? He's in love with Will.

Now, let's see the common traits that all Byler fights have:

miscommunication, but they both want the same thing

is about their relationship

mike projecting

happens pretty early on, episodes 3-4

triggered by a shift in their relationship/mike doing something

they are alone

It's pretty predictable that S5 will focus on Mike's feelings for Will and be in Will's position this time. He's gonna be a yearning, gay mess! However, it doesn't make sense to copy every little thing as that wouldn't bring anything new to the table. It would quite frankly feel lazy and boring.

I actually believe they will be honest about how they feel episodes 3-4 (after Mike discovers the truth about the painting, what would be the shift in their relationship), and it will be a very angsty scene rather than a happily-ever-after moment (for now). Here's how I picture it: Will wants a relationship with Mike, Mike wants one too, but he's reluctant to because of the shame and bit of denial still lingering.

As understanding as one can be in this situation, it's also hurtful to hear on the receiving end. I can imagine it makes Will very upset. After so long of waiting for Mike, waiting to see if his feelings could be reciprocated, he finally gets it but doesn't get to keep it because of the shame Mike feels. Will does indeed feel like a mistake for his sexuality but, as he also states, Mike makes him feel otherwise. So, if he heard the same person that makes him feel better for who he is, say he's wrong for being the same thing he is.... that would HURT Will terribly. In Will's eyes, he will truthfully believe Mike doesn't want him, even if in Mike's POV, he wants nothing more than Will. This is where the miscommunication comes in play.

This is a real thing that happens in many Queer relationships even to today, when one is ready and the other is not yet. There is no bad guy (unless cheating, abuse, etc is involved of course) in these type of situations. You can sympathize with both sides... Which makes this a perfect fight to watch as the audience; it wouldn't make you hate either of the characters.

Some people say Mike���s accepted his sexuality by the end of S4, but I feel like if he did, it wouldn’t really be a good set up for him to be Vecna’d in S5. His struggle with who he is and his relationship with El is crucial to S5. If we keep Mike struggling with his sexuality and his trauma regarding El, this gives a purpose for him to be Vecna'd, which is the perfect way to explain a lot of his character the past seasons. Similar to how Max escaped Vecna the first time, Mike would do something similar (with the help of others, of course). He will have to accept the mistakes he's made, accept past events that were out of his control and accept who he is, or let himself die. Rather than focus so much on saving others or being needed to others, he must save himself now, for himself. He has to finally believe he is the heart. Finally confronting and accepting what he can't change will bring his character and his relationships to a full circle. It would explain his dynamic with El and Will the whole series. He will finally have the self-confidence he lost.

As much as people want Byler to have an established relationship in S5, I don't think that's likely. With a fight already implied to happen again (most likely early on), it wouldn't make much sense? They're a slow burn on top of that... The season is building up to them being together, it's not them already together (at least I don't think so).

The writers can obviously find a different route, but I feel like this would work and fit well. It would save Mike's character perfectly and it connects with the Mike being vecna'd, or at least in danger, theories; It gives it more purpose.

I just can't really imagine what else the fight would be about. It has to be about their relationship and it has to be about it changing in some way. Mike's weird behavior still needs to be explained... so I would think the fight has to be connected to the reason for that behavior. The fight would then be about his internalized homophobia. And if it is, it has to be explicitly about it, not just subtext like S3 fight.

Rather than “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls” and insulting Will, Mike straight up will have to be like, “I’m scared, what if this is wrong? I don’t know how to do this.” “This isn’t right.” This time Mike will be direct how he feels about HIMSELF, but Will would still be hurt because this is the same guy that made him feel better for being Gay…

If this is how the fight plays out, lord hold me because I won’t survive it😭😭😭

[blushweddinggowns]

Steve was probably Dustin’s favorite person in the entire world, not that he would ever admit it out loud. It wasn’t exactly a secret, but it was a little embarrassing for his role model to be a dorky babysitter who worked for minimum wage with his chick-repeller best friend. And when he wasn’t with her, then he was with his brand new favorite metalhead. Neither were particularly helpful in the dating department.  

Now if he was just allowed to add the bit where Steve was a fearless monster fighter with a heart of gold, then things would be a bit better, but certain government NDAs made that impossible. Dustin admired Steve just as much as he judged him, more so really. But all that admiration didn’t stop him from worrying. 

There was something obviously wrong with Steve lately, and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what it was. At first, Dustin thought it was just Steve worrying over Eddie’s recovery, because he was a massive worrywart who still looked like he’d faint when Eddie did anything even slightly strenous. Though in his defense, Steve had been the one to drag Eddie out of the Upside Down and got to witness firsthand just how close to death he was. He barely left his side for those first few horrible days in the hospital, always touch and go, doctors constantly warning them to not expect him to wake up. 

But Eddie recovered, has been recovered, for months now. He was back to his theatrical self, slipping into their friend group with ease. Especially when it came to Steve. Apparently having your life saved by someone fast tracked relationships by years. The two acted like they’d known each other since childhood, constantly together.

Steve went to pick him up? Eddie was already in the front seat. He went into the Family Video to bother him? Eddie was already chatting him up at the front counter. Showing up to bother Steve at his house after school? Half the time it was Eddie who answered the door, and the other half he was sprawled on the couch when Steve let him in. 

Now Dustin wasn’t necessarily jealous of Eddie, but their relationship just confused him. At first, he was actually pretty happy about Steve having a new side kick, especially when Robin decided to drop the bomb that she was gay as hell and dating Vicky, effectively cutting the time she spent with Steve in half. Dustin knew that Steve got lonely easily, so he half expected that to restart his attempts at getting a girlfriend, but instead he just spent more and more time with Eddie. Which was fine. Weird, but fine. Or at least, it was. 

But for the past week or so whatever was going on with Steve, shifted. Sure he was acting different before, he was striking out with almost any girl who talked to him and hadn’t been out on a date since forever , but Dustin wasn’t too worried about it, not when he knew he was happy.

Like, weirdly happy for someone who had the life Steve had. But now, Dustin could just tell something was bothering him, something that he refused to acknowledge. Steve had never been a good actor, ever since whatever happened, he’s just had this air of loneliness around him, just an aura of sadness that he was hiding behind the world’s fakest smile. 

But Dustin couldn't figure out what it was. Nothing had changed! No fights with Robin that he knew of, and definitely none with Eddie. Steve’s face still lit up whenever he saw him, and Eddie wasn’t shy about draping himself all over Steve whenever he could. No one was that touchy feely if they were fighting with someone, so that was out. 

Whatever it was, Dustin needed to get to the bottom of it, and he wasn’t the only one. 

Besides El and Lucas, Steve was also Max’s favorite person. Somehow, a random twenty-year old with a beehive for hair became the closest thing she had to a functioning parent in her life. He was always looking out for her, whether it be taking her to and from physical therapy, dropping off groceries at the trailer on his way to Eddie’s, or even taking her freaking mom to AA, Steve was there. 

So of course she noticed immediately when he was upset. At first she thought he got into it with Eddie or something. The two were basically attached at the hip nowadays, so if someone was going to piss him off, then it would probably be him. But they were acting the same as always, sickeningly sweet and bizarrely close for only being friends for half a year. Though on second thought, Max didn’t have much room to judge, considering how she considered Steve like a dad in under two.

Steve just drew people to him, with his stupid handsome face and good nature. He was always too busy worrying about other people, he never acknowledged when he needed support, so of course he just denied anything was wrong when Max asked. 

“I’m fine, scout’s honor,” he had said the last time she tried, with the saddest puppy dog eyes ever. His face only ever brightened fully when Eddie was around, though Max had a feeling that was also an act, just a more curated one for Eddie’s watchful eyes. The guy was obsessed with Steve, but since he was always so nice, Max didn’t think to worry about it. Steve deserved someone who cared too much around. 

Robin, obviously, knew what was wrong, but she was a steel trap when it came to Steve secrets. That was something Max actually loved about Robin, just not when it was used against her. 

She had thought about asking Eddie, but decided against it. If her initial theory was right, then he was hiding something from him too, and hiding it harder. Or if she was wrong, she doubted he’d betray Steve’s trust for her. Not unless she caught him alone and really, really high.

That could stay as a back-up plan. 

But for now, Dustin was going to be her best bet. Steve could pretty easily say no to them separately, but when they formed a unified front he always caved.

They were working with a hundred percent success rate when they got him alone, a power they didn’t take lightly. The two had agreed to save that tactic for only dire circumstances, they weren’t monsters afterall, but Max was going to count this as dire. 

Dustin was pretty easy to convince, he was just as tired of Steve avoiding talking about it as she was.  The two of them set up a plan in no time, Operation: What the fuck was wrong with Steve?

The immediate hurdle was separating Steve from his cronies, which left them with the single option of Friday night. Eddie had a drug deal, courtesy of Max’s admittingly, inappropriate eavesdropping, from the last time they took her to the doctor, pretending to listen to Kate Bush as Eddie promised him to be careful. 

Robin was a different story, and there was a fifty percent chance she’d be there. And Robin was always on Steve’s side, even when he was obviously lying. But they had a plan for that too, one would distract her at the front door and the other would sneak in and coax Steve outside, feigning some kind of emotional emergency that required privacy, where they would then corner him in the woods. 

Max had to admit that plans like this made her think Steve may have had a point to his “personal boundaries lectures”, but if he wasn’t so damn stubborn, then they wouldn't have to be so weird. They pulled up to his house on their bikes, no cars but Steve’s in the driveway. 

“I’ll sneak through the back door, he usually doesn’t lock it.” Max said, hopping off her bike, “You deal with Robin, and if she’s not there just yell.”

“And if she is?”

“If she is, distract her for as long as possible, I’ll walkie you when I get him alone.” 

Dustin nodded. Robin was easy enough to distract, and who knows, maybe they would get lucky and she wouldn't be there. He rang the front door bell, watching Max sneak off to the back in the corner of his eye.

Of course Robin was the one to answer the door, frowning immediately at the sight of Dustin, “Jeez kid, every hear of calling?”

Rude. But whatever. “Where’s Ste-”

“If you’re looking for Steve he isn’t here right now, okay?” she lied immeadlilty, obviously going with the first dumb thing that popped into her head. She looked angry and tired, which was mildly alarming. And super rude. 

“If he isn’t here then why is his car? I know he wouldn’t let you drive it.” Dustin said, crossing his arms, “You gotta get better at lying Robin.”

She rolled her eyes, “He would so let me drive. I have a license now, remember? What do you even want, Henderson?”

“Well now I want to know why you’re lying.”

She sighed, pinching her nose in frustration, “Dustin, now just isn’t a good time okay? Come back tomorrow, he’s off in the afternoon anyway.”

“If something’s wrong with Steve then I should know about it! You realize I was his best friend before you, right?”

“Oh, as if!”

Getting into an argument over who was Steve’s true best friend was as good of a distraction as Max could ask for. Robin didn’t even notice her slink into the house, making her way into the living room with none the wiser. 

She peered over the couch, heart immediately sinking at the sight of Steve laying down, red-eyed and sniffling. Her well curated plans flew out the window at the sight, and the question was out before she could even remember she was trying to be sneaky here, “Why are you crying?”

Steve nearly jumped ten feet in the air at the question, flailing off the couch at the sight of Max suddenly standing over him.

“Where the hell did you come from?” Steve gasped, pulling himself up from the floor.

She shrugged, casually moving to sit next to him, too concerned to be embarrassed over being caught, “You left the back door unlocked. Why are you crying?”

“I wasn’t crying!” 

She rolled her eyes, “Then why were you crying? Was it Nancy again?” Max asked, lowering her voice, “Because I wouldn’t mind putting her in her place if she’s messing with you-”

Steve gave a shaky laugh at the barely veiled threat, oddly endeared despite the fact that she broke into his house, “It’s not Nancy. Jesus calm down.” 

Steve turned to the entryway, calling after Robin, “Just let him in, Robs, the other one already snuck past you anyway.”

That was all the invitation Dustin needed to push past her, immediately frowning when he saw Steve. He turned to Robin, “Did you make him cry?”

“No, she didn’t-”

“Maybe a little.” Robin mumbled, interrupting him. She plopped next to Steve, dropping a comforting hand to his shoulder, “But my harshness is for his own good.”

Max sat on his other side, leaving Dustin to sit on the floor in front of him, “Can you just tell us what’s been going on with you already?” he sighed,  playing with the carpet fibers, “You might be able to trick everyone else but not us. Right Max?”

“Right.” she agreed, “And if you tell us maybe we can help. Without making you cry.” she emphasized, giving Robin a mean look. 

Steve groaned, rubbing at his face, “I’m fine, I swear! It’s just some dumb shit on my end.”

“Not really dumb…” Robin mumbled next to him, huffing when he elbowed her in the ribs to shut her up, “Babe, they’ve already resorted to breaking and entering, they’re gonna find out eventually anyway.”

Steve groaned, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling. This is not where he expected this night to go, but now his two favorite children were staring at him, all wide-eyed and concerned, he didn’t know how to say no to that. The little shits.

“Fine. I’ll tell you,” Steve sighed, completely giving in, again. He was really going to need a better boundaries speech soon, “But I'm telling you with the full expectation that you'll keep it to yourselves okay? And you won't freak out."

“We won’t freak out.” Both kids said in unison, despite the fact that they were very much internally freaking out over what he was about to say. 

"Like seriously, I mean it.” he emphasized, “Remember how many times I've gotten the shit beat out of me for you before you pass judgment."

“And remember that I’m not afraid to hurt children if you cross him either,” Robin added, looking surprisingly threatening, enough to make them double down on the promise to be cool. 

Satisfied, Steve went on, "Well…I'm like Robin, understand? Like…preference wise."

Dustin cocked his head at him, confused, “You mean you like girls? But we knew that?”

"He's gay dingus." Max answered for him, immediately catching on. 

"Bi!" Robin piped up beside him, “He’s playing for both teams.”

Now that was unexpected, at least for Dustin. He stared at him, the shock evident on his face. He was only able to shake it off when he realized Steve was shrinking in on himself, anxiously waiting for him to say something. 

“We love you anyway," Dustin blurted out, just knowing that Max felt the same way, "That’s like nothing. I was worried you were dying or something!"

Max nodded with him, “He’s right, like we won’t tell anyone but I know Lucas wouldn't care either. Or Eddie for that matter.”

Steve only flinched a tiny bit at that, which he was proud of. And honestly, the relief he was feeling was bigger than how bummed out he was about his other problem.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, a grin slowly growing on his face, “Like seriously, that’s a massive load off.”

"And what else?" Max pressed. 

Steve ran a hand over his face, he should have known it wouldn’t be that easy to get them off his back, "What do you mean, what else?"

“There’s obviously something else, because you liking guys wouldn’t warrant a harsh lecture.”

Robin huffed, crossing her arms, "He just has bad taste in guys-”

“Dude!” Steve hissed. His face was going red from how hard he was rubbing at it, or maybe he was just that embarrassed. 

“We won’t stop until we find out,” Dustin warned, “We’ll break in again if need be.”

Steve loved these kids, loved them enough to die for them, but god were they annoyingly persistent.

“Fine! Yes, there’s something else. Just don't be weird about it,” he insisted,  “Like this is a me problem, a Steve only problem, so I don't need you two rugrats trying to go full vigilante for me or some shit, got it?"

They nodded, both knowing that they didn’t mean it. 

“I…I kinda have a thing for Eddie. A very, very uninterested Eddie. Who did nothing wrong by the way,” he said, glaring at Robin hard enough to shut her mouth, swallowing whatever comment she was going to add, “It’s a really stupid crush that I need to get over, and that’s all. I swear.”

Max turned to Robin, “Is that true?”

She shrugged, “In essence, technically it’s true.” 

That…that kinda made sense. Max was suddenly reminded of just how often the two of them were together, let alone how touchy feely. Now that it was pointed out to her, she felt kinda dumb for not realizing before. Those two were all over each other. 

Dustin was even more surprised. At least now it made sense why Steve suddenly had an interest in DnD, but he was having a hard time seeing Steve the “Hair” Harrington, be thirsting after his nerdy Dungeon Master. 

Or worse yet, why was his nerdy Dungeon Master not thirsting after Steve?

“Is he straight?” Dustin blurted out. He hadn’t ever thought about it before, but in hindsight Eddie almost never talked about dating, and when he did it was vague with no actual women being mentioned.

Robin cough-laughed next to Steve, “Oh ya, he’s real heterosexual. Straight boys are just known for calling their friends sweetheart-ow!”

Steve threw a pillow at her face, shutting her up before she could get going, “What he is or isn’t into is no one’s business but his own. I just know I’m not in the ‘is into’ category.”

“How do you know?” Max asked. Eddie could surely do a lot worse than Steve. And if Robin is right and he isn’t straight, who is he to think he could do better? Better than the man who literally saved his life. If anything Steve was out of Eddie’s league, not the other way around. 

“I just do. And I really, really don’t want to talk about it anymore. So now you know. Now promise you won't be weird, alright? I’ll get over it. Like soon , I promise.”

He wrapped an arm around Max, and reached down to ruffle Dustin’s hair, a real smile on his face, the kind they both had really missed, “And besides, you two not giving a shit that I’m a fruit matters way more than any crush.”

“That’s such a lame way to put it.” Dustin whined, even though they were both preening internally. Of course, Steve could trust them. They’d love him no matter what, and at least now he knew that. 

“Okay! Well now that you know, you can go now,” Robin stood, gesturing towards the door, “We have a conversation to finish over here.”

Steve groaned behind her, “Do we have to?”

“Yes we have to!”

“Well can I have a break at least?” Steve leaned over, grabbing his keys off the side table, “Drive them home for me and then I’ll suffer through your lecture in the morning.” 

“But-”

He tossed her the keys, consequences be damned. If she crashed, she crashed, at least it will be legal now, “But if you have my car I won’t be able to avoid you that well will I?”

That appeased Robin enough to get her walking towards the door, “Then I’ll be back in the morning, Nine a.m. Sharp. ”

She turned to them, sticking her tongue out at Dustin, “Told you he’d let me drive it. Now let’s go.”

Dustin and Max exchanged looks, reluctant to leave when they were obviously missing a massive part of this story, but Steve was already shooing them out the door. 

He waved at them from the stoop, a tired but sincere smile on his face as he watched them pile into the car. Even if his friends were beyond overbearing, it did feel better to talk about it. He just wished he didn’t have to put his petty problems on literal children.  

He laid back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. 

He wasn’t looking forward to the inevitable, and honestly deserved, speech Robin was going to finish tomorrow, but at least he got her out in time before she had even more material to work with. He had never seen her turn so fast and so vindiciatavly against another person before. It made him feel like shit honestly, that Eddie was losing Robin as a friend for his own stupid ego. If she just knew him a little better, then she’d get it. Probably. 

Maybe.

Eddie didn’t have a mean bone in his body, he would never fuck with Steve’s feelings on purpose. All of his jokes, all of the touching and nicknames were just how he showed affection. It isn’t his fault Steve read way too much into it, like a moron. 

And okay, maybe two male best friends don’t call each other baby or sweetheart, but Robin called him babe, so it wasn’t that weird. And so what if they slept in the same bed together almost everyday? It was just helping each other out with nightmares, even if Eddie kissed the top of his head every night, it didn’t mean anything.

Or at least, now it didn’t. 

“Seriously Nance? I’d rather die.”

He groaned, burying his face into the couch cushions at the thought. He was not going to cry again, he refused, but it was still so harsh. From someone who actually almost died, it was quite the fucking statement to make, and maybe Steve should just take it as the obvious no it was. He should be grateful he found out, and didn’t humiliate himself by declaring his everlasting love or some shit. 

If he could go back in time and just not ask , then he wouldn't be here right now. He’d still be in ignorant bliss. But no, he just had to get Nancy Wheeler involved, the queen of reality. Though technically she had wanted to get involved, if nothing but to stop Steve from lamenting about it over the phone. Weirdly enough, distance had been great for their relationship, and now they were closer than ever, talking for hours whenever either needed to vent, Nancy about school or her failed relationship with Johnathan that she still wasn't over, and Steve, consistently, about his almost boyfriend, Eddie. 

It had taken months for it to finally happen, but she was so sick of his pining, she had cracked, “I’m just going to ask him when I’m home next Steve, I swear to God.”

“No you will not. Nancy, that is so freaking highschool it isn’t even funny.”

“He was just in highschool, so it’s fitting. And then you can stop wasting your time whining about him and just make-out with him. Next weekend, I’m doing it, like it or not.”

He should have insisted on the no, but instead he went full highschool girl and went along with it. They met at her place, under the pretense of a small get-together while her parents were out of town. He left Eddie with her in the basement, pretending to go to the bathroom when he really stopped at the top of the stairs, eavesdropping  as Nancy casually asked the questions he was too chicken-shit to do himself, “So, are you seeing anyone?”

Eddie had almost choked on his drink at that, “No? Why Wheeler, you interested? Because I doubt Johnathan or Steve would be too keen on that.”

Nancy rolled her eyes, “No offense Eddie, but you’re definitely not my type. And I don’t think I’m yours either . I don’t think any girl in Hawkins is.”

Eddie stared at her, gnawing on his lower lip, “Good guess. And if you happened to be right, then you can probably understand why I keep that part of my life on the down low.”

She nodded, “I’m not going to tell anyone, believe me. I was just curious if anyone had caught your eye.”

“In this town? No one. There are literally zero options.”

“Oh come on, Steve’s cute, there’s an option.”

He had laughed at that, loud and mean as he shook his head, “Me and Steve? Seriously Nance? I’d rather die .”

Steve wasn’t sure what he had expected to hear, but it definitely wasn’t that. It hurt, it hurt bad, which was stupid considering they were never together, or even close to it, outside of the wild leaps Steve had made in his head. The logic hadn’t stopped the tears from gathering in his eyes though. 

Robin, in all of her ill-timed glory, decided that was the best moment for her to bust through the front door, calling loudly into the house. Steve scrambled to meet her, just in time to avoid Eddie seeing him spying like a creep. It had been a terrible fucking night, but at least Nancy was kind enough to lie about her parents coming home early so Steve could sulk at home in peace. She had apologized to him at least ten times since then, and had jumped straight onto the Eddie hate-train with Robin pretty soon after. They had both been so sure that he felt the same way, they channeled all their disappointment into rage, at someone who really didn’t deserve it. 

Steve shouldn’t have told Robin what happened, wouldn’t have if he’d known she’d be so insane about the whole thing. Even if she had some good points. Was it healthy to pretend like nothing was wrong and let Eddie hang all over him with no future of an actual relationship? No. Was it stopping Steve from doing it? Also no. 

Steve jumped when he heard the doorbell ring, too lost in his own thoughts to realize it was past midnight. There was only one person it could be. He scrambled to get the door, always stupidly excited to see him, already grinning when he came face to face with the source of all of his shitty feelings, and the only person who even slightly made him feel better about it.

“Y’know, I gave you a key so you could use it,” he teased as Eddie stepped past him, right at home, “I don’t know why you always make me answer the door.”

“Maybe I just want to see your pretty face, is that such a crime?” Eddie was doing that thing again, that sweet way of talking that made Steve feel like he was about to melt. That thing that Robin insisted Steve put a stop to if he had any sense of self-worth.

Lucky for him, he didn’t. 

Steve rolled his eyes, grabbing for Eddie’s hand to lead him upstairs, “No, but making me lose sleep is. My pretty face is exhausted from waiting for your ass. We’re going to bed.”

Eddie was laughing behind him, with his stupidly pretty voice. The voice that haunted Steve’s dreams at night, “Whatever you say princess.” 

Steve should have been thinking about what Robin said as he curled up against Eddie’s chest in his bed. This was bad for him, no matter how good it felt in the moment. The nights of Eddie wrapping his arms around him, kissing his head, whispering sweet dreams, in his ear, had an expiration date, he knew that now. 

But that wouldn’t stop him from hanging onto it for as long as he could. 

Part 2!