#it did occur to me just now that I have been projecting my everything onto this show

[supergeekgirl05]

Am I projecting onto Warrior Nun because it got canceled 10 days after I got dumped and needed to avoid my emotions OR am I just super gay, fangirled too close to the sun, and hate Netflix for being such a pain in the ass about sapphic shows

(Joke’s on you, it’s both)

[seiueina]

I couldn’t help but think what it would be like for the significant other of Ego Jinpachi…and how married life and parenting life would change drastically while he took more of his responsibility to the Blue Lock Project.

unfinished, not proofread, i’ve had this in the drafts for so long so i am deciding to just post it now :3

“Where is the stupid pass?” You utter as you scramble through your backpack, the backpack that was filled with a lot of things..things that are needed for the kiddos and needed for you. You always noted that you have to clean the backpack out at some point but with raising two children at the age of 4 almost entirely by yourself…is exhausting and you always forget to clean the bag out.

“Mommy I need to pee!!!” Your daughter, shouts just as you found the pass in order to enter the Blue Lock building. “Give me one second! Let me scan this real quick!” You exclaim as you hurriedly put the pass against the scanner, the scanner stays a red LED color, you gasph. Repeatedly putting the pass against the scanner.

‘Entry Denied’

At this point in the day, you we’re already overwhelmed. Taking your son to his soccer game early in the morning and then running home quickly because you forgot to pack your daughters ballet shoes…rushing then over to the dance studio and now ended up here. Unable to get through the door and to a bathroom in which your daughter (for some reason) needed so urgently all of a sudden. You stood there, the tears lining your waterline.

You wanted to let everything out. Cry, scream, shout, curse your husband out the moment you saw him. Years before this…it wasn’t like this. You wouldn’t have imagined your life to become of this. He promised you that he will split his attention from this Blue Lock Project and his family. But he didn’t live up to the promise.

You would go days without hearing a single thing from Jinpachi. Any and everything that you were updated about your husband was given from Anri. The woman who is working with your husband on this “stupid” project. You didn’t feel any remorse for her, you couldn’t bring yourself to even though at this point she’d seen and been in his presence longer than you have in 3 months. And including now…even more so you couldn’t hate Anri, especially when you hear her calling your name.

“y/N-sama!!!” She screams and your ear perks up. “I can’t get in!” You shout back, and she runs up to the door and puts her pass onto the scanner, it quickly lights up green and the door opens. “Mommy I need to go!” Yumi, your four year old daughter utterd again and you swiftly grab her from the ground and rush towards the sign with the restroom sign. Your son, Yuri, quickly following behind you. Luckily, you were able to get to the restroom and Yumi was able to go to the bathroom just in time before an accident occurred.

“Let’s go see your father.” You huffed before leaving the restroom and finding his office. The moment you got there, his eyes were glued on the many of many screens plastered on the wall. He didn’t bat an eye at the supposedly three important things in his life. “What did I say about knocking. Anri- I am”

“Jinpachi.” You exhaled, he turned his head around to see you standing near the door. Your children running around his office as you couldn’t care less about what they were up to in this moment. “Oh. y/N.” He breaths out before returning his head back to the many of many screens, all displaying each individual clips of the players.

“That’s all? Is this really what we mean to you?” You grumbled, walking closer and closer to your husbands desk chair. “Look at me Jinpachi.” You say as you turn his desk chair around. He now faced you.

“Why are you even here? Can’t you see, I am busy reviewing match clips of my unpolished gems.” He replies with a growing urge of annoyance. “So your more interested in these “unpolished gems” then those gems?” You shout, pointing over to the two children the both of you created, he looks over in the same direction then back at you.

“Watch your attitude when you’re talking to me. You’re the one who came here unannounced.” He scoffs standing up from his seat. The two of you were almost the exact same height, Ego only being one inch taller than you, he just barely towered over you, but with just enough space for him to sinisterly smile down at you. “Let’s get a divorce then.” You say, leaving him in utter shock as you go and grab the kiddos from the couch. “I am sorry for yelling.” You apologize to your children as you saw them with hands over their ears. “-C’mon, papa is busy with work…maybe one day he’ll want to see you!” Staying as optimistic as you could.

You were over it to say the least. Ego Jinpachi wasn’t the same man you fell in love with 10 years ago. He’s changed drastically and you can’t help but blame the JFU and this whole Blue Lock Project. With each kid holding your respective hands, you walk past your soon to be ex husband.

“Bye daddy!” Both kids cheerfully smiled and waved at him as the door to his office opened. There you startled Anri who was holding a laundry basket. “Ah! y/N! Leaving already?” She awkwardly laughs before looking up at you. “-No she isn’t.” Your husband blurts out. “Errand girl. Take Yuri and Yumi somewhere…I have an important conversation with my wife.” Jinpachi continues as Anri raises an eyebrow. Looking at your face.

“I guess I can take them to meet the players!” Anri whispers, you wanted to hear your husband speak to you…you didn’t know why. He could have given you his time a day a few seconds ago, so why now does he want to give it? You hand your kids over to Anri. “Okay babies, go with Anri-chan, she’s gonna show you guys all over while daddy and I have a talk!” You say cheerfully before sending them off on their way.

Once the doors to his office closed he quickly started, “You’re not divorcing me.” He speaks and you walk closer to him. “What if I am?” You reply, arms crossed over your chest.

“y/N. I am still in love with you.” He says looking at your face, seeing any type of reaction that’ll perform. “Really? Well it sure don’t look like it!” You exhaled, shuddering your shoulders he steps back, exhales a breath.

He stays quiet, standing in the same position. You rub your temples, "Exactly what I was thinking...am' gonna pack me and the kids stuff and stay at my parents until further notice. I'll contact the lawyer and they'll give you call." You speak aloud, hesitating to turn around and walk to the door just in case, maybe, he'll say something. But he doesn't.

“That’s what I thought…” Whispers came from your mouth as your waterline brimmed with tears as you turn around to exit Jinpachis' office.

© satoberrie 2023 | let me know if i should make a continuation!

[the-present-is-a-gift-au]

Chapter 2: In Which Farewells are Bidden

Kip left to start his apprenticeship and set off on his expedition before Twig could work up the gumption again to even hint at her memories returning. She really was going to have to grin and bear their return on her own, and the thought weighed heavy in her belly. She only barely managed to keep up a smile for Kip in the days leading up to his departure— and the minute after Treasure Town saw him off alongside her, she started bawling. 

Bidoof noticed her silent tears as Kip disappeared from view down the road and everyone began filing off to their homes. “Shucks, are you alright, Twig?”

She sniveled and blubbered her answer. “I’m fine. I’m just going to miss him. Kip is the first friend I remember making. I just...”

“It must be awful rough, huh? I’m sure it’s hard on you, yes sirree. But… with Team Venture dissolved, maybe you could go on an adventure of your own while Kip’s off on his! I’m sure you got a family worried sick about you around here somewhere.” He smiled warmly, all buck teeth and sunshine.  “Bet your ma’s a right scary Charizard! That’s the kinda family you strike me as coming from.”

It occurred to Twig that she’d never told anyone from Treasure Town that she was once human. She wiped her eyes, then shed even more tears than she could hope to sweep away when her hands were already covered in her grief, and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good idea. It’d be nice to know more about my past.”

Bidoof sat up on his haunches and patted her back. “I think it’d do you a lot of good, yup yup! But get some rest for now. You need it after today.”

He fell back onto his paws and waddled off after the rest of the townsfolk, humming cheerfully to himself as he went.

Yeah, Twig bleakly thought, recalling the numerous ways she’d been tripped up by her returned memories, Some good it’s done me knowing anything at all about where I come from. It’s not like I’d give anything to be a real amnesiac and have them stay gone.

The worst part of her bitter inward remarks is that they weren’t even true. She desperately wanted to know who she was and how she’d come to be who she is. But the fact that it came with those memories instead of happier ones first… she doubted whether she could handle the return of any more. It just might shatter her.

***

It hurt a lot to learn respect. That was the only thing she could say. She felt like her insides were all done up in knots and stuck with pins whenever she had to go home to her aunt, so she spent most of her time avoiding passing through the door. She would beg to visit friends' houses, she would volunteer to clean up after school, she would take the long walk back— she did everything she could to put off her return to the place she’d learned was a painful schoolhouse and not a home.

That was funny to think about. Especially when the unit used to belong to her parents. 

Oh, that was sad to think about. Why did it surprise her to remember she had parents at one point? Sometimes it seemed like it had always been just her and Auntie. Her family had passed just a year or two ago, but here she was, remembering that she had forgotten the sound of their voices. 

How had they died, again?

She felt the memory of rattling gasps and the sound of bile splashing against porcelain tickle at the back of her skull. Her stomach twisted at that slightest hint of what happened. She would have liked to pursue the memory and grasp its slippery recollection with shaky hands, but she had just arrived home. She needed to be quiet and pleasant. She needed to hide and be silent. She hadn’t done anything disrespectful yet, but she didn’t want to try her luck and garner another lesson on how to behave for her aunt.

A hand seized her wrist as she carefully closed the front door behind her.

It turned out she didn’t have to do anything at all to need another lesson.

Twig woke up clutching her mouth and dry heaving. It wasn’t uncommon for this to be how she awoke nowadays, but the nightmarish dreamstuff clinging to her senses was more potent than usual— she couldn’t quite discern up from down as she rolled onto her hands and knees to retch. When her stomach finally got the memo that it had actually been well and truly empty the whole time, she wiped the spit from her chin and sat up to try and breathe. Her heart fluttered pitifully in her chest, and Twig recalled a word starting with P that described the sensation. What was it… Petulance? Presumption? She recalled a large dictionary that she’d spend time reading as a human and loving all of the words she learned from it, collecting them all like they were made of gold and precious gems. It was fun to gather them all and try to string the fanciest sentences she could come up with in her head as she hid away in her room. Twig remembered the feel of it in her hands despite not being able to recall the color of the cover or the edition. She remembered the way Menagerie and Jubilee felt on her tongue as she whispered them without sound to herself, and she remembered the way Cacophony described her aunt’s voice so well, even down to the way the word felt coming up her throat. 

Words were nice. A silent companion who she could take with her everywhere, and a way to help her make sense of what happened around her. She had forgotten how much she loved words. 

What a pity that there was no one around to speak English with or to help her remember whether it was Palpableness or Palpitations that she was trying to recall. 

What a nightmare that she couldn’t string together any words, whether in English or Pokéspeak or together, to convey the sheer terror she felt in the moment between hazy wakefulness and uneasy sleep as she looked over to Kip’s empty bed and recalled a terror from the near past instead of the distant Dark Future.

(She had slept in one morning after “Cresselia” had visited in her and Kip’s dreams. She was usually an early riser, but she couldn’t bear to face the day with the knowledge that her very existence was inexcusable. She was damaging the world around her and the people she loved within it just by living. Cresselia had made that clear. And she would have believed her wholly, if not for the fact that she said Kip was of the same make. Kip, the most perfect person she had ever met, who refused to fight before he could at least try to talk things out, who believed in the best of everyone— Cresselia thought he was just as bad as Twig? She was trying to mull over how that could possibly be. 

(Even beyond the morals of it all— Twig had apparently been traveling time for ages longer than Kip. She had been brought back from a Future that was meant to have been utterly erased. Kip had traveled to the future and back to the past just twice— maybe four times if you counted the disorienting spatial situation of the Hidden Land. But somehow Kip was on equal standing as her for being a temporal-spatial anomaly? She couldn’t wrap her head around it.

(But Kip had taken it so hard. He’d gone silent as Cresselia once again reiterated to them that if they were to continue living, they would undo the world around them. In the moments immediately after they had both woken up from their shared dream, he had turned to Twig and hesitantly posed the question of whether they should do it— whether they should go through with the unthinkable. Twig reacted with such a sudden anger at the thought of him harming himself that she snapped he was stupid for even considering it. 

(She didn’t mean to make him cry. She was grappling with the thought that she wasn’t just a burden on her loved ones, but she was also warping all of existence with her continued breath— and the idea that she had spread some of her self-loathing to the point of Kip pondering that very same question she had been grappling with for so long in her life was unbearable. She couldn’t stand the thought of her best friend being so poisoned by her presence that he believed for even a moment that he was as unworthy of existence as she was. He was stupid for considering it. He was. He was stupid for considering such a thing just like she was stupid for considering not doing it.

(She apologized. She said they should talk things through in the morning and try to get some sleep for the time being. He agreed and curled up in his bed opposite to her.

(Twig slept in, and she woke up to Kip’s bed empty, the entire house carved into the side of the bluff empty, and the waves and wind outside crashing and howling like a funeral march.

(She scrambled up the steps to search Treasure Town and found him sitting atop the cliff to watch the last of the sunrise. He was fine. He was okay. He was fine.

(When he asked her why she was shaking, she said she had another bad dream, and it was nothing to worry about.)

Seeing Kip’s bed empty while her mind was still halfway within her last nightmare sent her panicking.

The jolt of adrenaline snapped her awake, and with that wakefulness came the knowledge that Kip hadn’t done anything drastic— he was just gone on his expedition, seeking the apprenticeship of his dreams— but she couldn’t put a stopper on all those horrible thoughts that had gripped her when she first thought her friend had left her behind in a way more permanent than she could bear. 

When she came out of the panic attack, she decided she couldn’t bear to stay in the Bluff without Kip to dispel that awful silence his home had been overtaken by in his absence. Grovyle's words about the restored Future being too perfect despite everything that had happened there rang in her head. She went to work finding herself a new place to stay— even briefly considered living with the Future Trio before she determined she couldn’t bear to live with Grovyle’s perceptiveness when she was in so fragile of a state. 

Honestly, sometimes it felt like he knew her better than she knew herself— admittedly, that wasn’t a very difficult hurdle to leap, but she still found herself irritated by it at times. He knew her tells that had apparently carried over from her humanity, he knew things she was interested in before it even occurred to her how intriguing the topic he mentioned her enjoying was— she could tell from his using her name that they had been close before her amnesia, but it was always surprising to relearn the extent of that closeness when he brought up some insight into her personality that she wasn’t aware of beforehand. 

All of that was to say that she would absolutely not be staying with him and the rest of the refugees from the Future. The fact that she would need to be in close quarters with Dusknoir as well to put the final nail in the coffin of the idea. No, she needed to find somewhere else to stay. Treasure Town didn’t exactly have much available real estate, and she wasn’t willing to wait until a new home could be put up, so Twig set her sights on the settlements outside of her current home. The Future Trio lived in Fair Fields, so it would be nice to set up shop nearby… 

A small settlement nearby called Verdant Village had a handful of homes available. Twig stayed the night at the Future Trio’s home so she could scope out the area— it was too long of a journey to Verdant Village to make as a day trip from Treasure Town— and managed to evade Grovyle’s worried glances and quiet questions on how she was holding up by staying out on her house hunt most of the day.

She eventually found a place that would work for her. It was a bit larger of a home than she would have preferred— it looked like it was meant for two or three inhabitants rather than one, really. But it was cheap beyond belief, and she was able to pay the mortgage in full with a single payment. She realized that she might have a bit more money saved up than she thought when the eyes of the pangoro selling the home went wide at Twig’s offer to pay in one fell swoop. She didn’t really ever spend her portion of Team Venture’s income on anything other than a few stray drinks at Spinda’s Cafe here and there. It was gradually occurring to her that she could spend the rest of her life retired in relative comfort. Not that she could ever retire— the very thought sickened her— but it was a shocking realization nonetheless. 

She moved into the home. Her belongings fit well into the main room, but there was nothing left over to fill up the closets and guest rooms— she barely had a pan and a couple of plates to put in the kitchen. It was weird to live in a home that was so bare. Sure, she’d be able to fill it up with decor and furniture as time went on, but she wasn’t exactly rushing to buy a bunch of stuff that she’d just have to sell in order to downsize once she moved back into Sharpedo Bluff. It seemed like a waste of time and money, especially when she had no idea what she’d even want to buy beyond a table to eat at and maybe a chair or two.

Twig soon learned she had neighbors, and she soon learned that having neighbors was probably her least favorite thing in the world. Sharpedo Bluff had been out of the way, on the fringes of Treasure Town, and her home was as well, for the most part— if not for the fact that there was another home built not too far off, and the gallade and gardevoir couple living there didn’t mind taking a brisk walk to invite her over for dinner or drop off a housewarming gift. 

The gardevoir had stopped by soon after Twig moved in. “I live in the house just over the hill to the east— I'm so sorry for my late introduction, my husband and I have been meaning to make a good impression and intended to introduce ourselves sooner, but I’m afraid we’ve been busy helping our daughter with her schoolwork.”

Twig set down the ax she’d been using to chop firewood when her neighbor arrived— it felt odd in her hands. She'd evolved all of a sudden while doing some more intensive home repairs not long ago, and she was still adapting to her new body. “I only moved in a couple days ago, though?”

“Yes, and I’m so sorry to have kept you waiting. It must be worrisome to move somewhere new without someone willing to help you get your bearings. My husband and I would gladly be those people for you.”

“Oh— uh—” She let out a short, nervous chuckle. “I don’t mind. I’m probably just going to keep to myself, anyways. You don’t need to worry about showing me around or anything—”

“No, no, I insist! It’s the proper, friendly thing to do, isn’t it?” She gave Twig a kind smile, then shivered. “Ah— I hope you don’t mind, but is it alright if I step inside? I’ve always been one to get chilled, and the breeze is just a bit too stiff for my tastes.”

Gardevoir looked over Twig’s home with a scrutinizing eye when she invited her in. The barebones kitchen earned the narrowest appraisal. Twig assumed Gardevoir was judging her for her minimal furnishings or something, but it wasn’t even a week later when Twig was gifted a full set of dinnerware and a stock pot. Apparently her reluctance to possess anything more than two sets of silverware would not stand in the woman’s eyes.

Gallade, at the very least, wasn’t so overbearing with his welcoming nature. He made polite conversation with Twig when they crossed paths on the way to the market one morning, and told her that his daughter was a great fan of an exploration team when she told him about her former employment. “She’s always quoting their slogan. What was it… Nothing ventured, nothing gained? I had never heard it before. She had to explain to me that it was a saying from where one of the members came from. It’s got a lovely meaning, but it doesn’t roll off the tongue quite like you’d expect a slogan to, does it?”

It was a bit awkward to explain that she was the one who had come up with the slogan after that, but Gallade clearly meant no harm by it. He posed the possibility that maybe Twig could perhaps speak to his daughter about exploration teams and what she could expect from an apprenticeship at Wigglytuff’s Guild— she apparently had all sorts of romantic ideas of what it was really like, and Gallade couldn’t get her to understand that an apprenticeship would never be all sunshine and roses, especially an exploration team apprenticeship. Twig said she’d need time to get settled in more, but she’d gladly chat with her about the Guild. She figured it would be nice— she was missing Manaphy keenly these days, and chatting with a kid his age might help soften that wistfulness.

“I have all sorts of stories I could share,” she said, “good and bad, but mostly good. Let her know that the Guildmaster sleeps with his eyes open sometimes, and it scares the members silly whenever he walks in for announcements snoring despite looking wide awake.” 

When Twig finally met the young ralts in question just a few days later at the market, the girl was starstruck. She peppered her with questions as her mother surveyed the fruits available at the stall they had crossed paths before— and many of these questions were ones Twig had no idea how she’d come up with. She knew how to answer what the best way to keep your bearings in a mystery dungeon was, but she didn’t know how to describe the sights and sounds of the Guild. This dumbfounded her interviewer.

“How can you not remember the Guild? It’s so cool!” She exclaimed. “It’s built into a cliffside, and it’s got that big forest at the base, and Wigglytuff carved all the rooms himself!”

“I don’t know about that last one, Ralts. I’m pretty sure he asked some ground-types to help him out.”

“Nope, that’s not what happened at all. He blasted the rock until there was all the different rooms, and he did it by himself.” She straightened her bandana— a sweet little imitation of the informal uniforms worn by many of the Guild’s recruits, and one that was clearly homemade— and puffed out her chest. “Oh, and you can call me Lyra, Twig!”

Gardevoir, who had been silently weighing her grocery options until that point, sighed and shook her head. She knelt down to set her hand on the girl’s shoulder and kindly chastise, “Sweetheart, it’s not nice to use someone’s name without permission.”

“But I’m letting her use mine. That makes it even, so I can use her name too, right?”

Gardevoir opened her mouth to explain further, but Twig waved her hands placatingly. “I don’t mind,” she laughed. “Really. I always thought it was a bit weird to call someone Mudkip or Bidoof instead of something more personal, anyhow. We never did that where I grew up.”

“Is that so?” Gardevoir tilted her head curiously. “Fascinating! We must seem so stuffy to you, then. Where did you grow up, if you don’t mind my asking? I know a few grass-type and bug-type villages far into the valleys up North don’t place much weight in personal names, but I’ve never heard of a fire-type living out there.”

Lyra seemed to swell with excitement, eager to share her next words. “Nobody knows where Twig came from! She just poofed outta nowhere and became the best explorer ever!”

“Oh my!” She smiled down at her daughter. “I can hardly believe it! Truly the stuff of Legends, that sounds to be.” She looked back over to Twig. “You seem to have a fair few rumors built up around you, I’m afraid. I think that… Oh! Are you alright, Cha— Ah, Twig?” She looked her up and down, a worried look overtaking her. “Goodness, you look like you need to sit down.”

Twig shook her head to clear out the nervous buzzing that had filled it up. “I’m fine! I’m fine, I just need to get back home. It’s getting kind of nippy— I’m one of those people who get cold way too easily, you know? Heh. Um.” She wrung the woven straps of the bag she’d filled with her groceries. “I should head out, but I’ll see you again sometime. Let’s talk exploration soon, alright, Lyra?”

Lyra beamed. “Okay! I can show you my explorer’s bag!” 

“Let me accompany you. You don’t seem well—” She took a step forward, but Twig stopped her with a noisy refusal.

“Nope, no need! I’m good. Later, guys.”

Gardevoir’s concerned gaze didn’t leave Twig until she ducked behind a stall and out of sight. The scattered scales that she’d grown upon evolution prickled along the back of her neck. She’d moved out to Verdant Village to avoid Grovyle’s worried fretting, but it seemed she’d just gotten herself a new flavor of it in the form of her neighbor. Great. That was just peachy. 

She was going to regret moving here. She could feel it.

[thekristen999]

I work with a small number of back-office support and management staff.  While the management staff were in their leadership meeting I had an altercation with one of my co-workers.  This person made a pretty big mistake that would take a lot of time to correct. Instead of just doing it, he came up to me, a peer, and told me that he had no choice, but to to this half-ass correction and threw up his hands.

Keep in mind. This was a mistake he made on his project, but we share duties sometimes, and work on a team. I calmly told him that our mutual boss would not go for that.

He gets upset at my response, says something rude to me, in front of others, and storms off to go downstairs. I got up and went downstairs  with all intents and purpose to let him know the only way to fix the issue was to do it over again and that I could help him split the work. (Before he told one of employees the half-ass plan)

When I arrive inside the warehouse, I find him talking aggressively to our co-worker about how I have no right to tell him what to do. Which I didn’t.  When he sees me, he goes off, raising his voice and yells at me, in front of others. 

I say, lets go talk in private, in my hopes of de-escalating the situation. I am livid at being treated this way, but I do not show or or raise my voice. He goes onto the sales floor, again in front of others, and yells at me again. I told him he had no right to speak to me this way which he ignores. At this point, I just want off the sales floor.

My plan is to go to the HR person in our office. By the time I’m upstairs he’s going off at her, the HR person, who unsuccessful tells him to calm down several  times.

Another office person takes him outside.

HR grabs my boss out of his meeting and I sit down with him to detail everything that occurred. (The head HR person is at a doctor’s appointment. His coordinator was the one there) 

 I then go home to work remotely. My choice.

This employee is sent home. And in the meantime my boss and HR interview everyone who witnessed what happened. There were a  lot. I’ve been told multiple time that I was calm and professional and that I did nothing wrong.

After a few hours of working I called my boss and told him point blank that I found the whole situation to be a red line that had been crossed. That I consider his actions a grounds for termination. That I know HR has to do their thing, but that is how I feel.

I know this person has mental health issues. I know he took a 30 day leave of work during the winter. But at some point you must take responsibility for your actions. You can not always use your mental health as a excuse for no self control and aggressive behavior. I KNOW. I am in continued treatment for some pretty major mental health issues. But  a line has to be drawn.  This is not the first time this person has demonstrated  a short fuse.

This was super triggering for me, but I’m feeling pretty okay for right now.

 I had to get this down on paper to help me with my follow-up interviews tomorrow.

[nerves-nebula]

I am having such a moment about your turtles. It’s occurring to me I’m all of them. I’ve only really been identifying with Donnie this whole time, because obvious reasons. But when I lived with my siblings I was the one taking the most care of them, while my mom ignored them in most situations when she wasn’t being forced to parent. And I just don’t remember so many things, and my dissociations chilled out, but damb did I do that a lot. Just a whole Raph vibe right there. But also, since the eldest of my younger siblings went full Leo, I’ve no longer been able to lean on her and had to chill the fuck out with my youngest siblings and realize I was a bit of a massive dick to them a lot of the time. And like maybe still am just projecting onto them for all I keep that to myself now, and try to be more objective and fair, which wow hey. I’m also a Leo. Not a great thing to realize. And then there’s the fact that because I live away from them most of the time for school now, I realize man that whole situation was fucked up, and while I wish my parents would just be decent people, I also wouldn’t fucking mind if I had to never to see them again. Paired with the constant retreating into my own brain, because spiraling™, and I’ve just done an entire Mikey.

i think you get a prize for checking off every box haaaah.

i've been away for school for a while now and i feel kinda bad that i left my little sister to deal with our mom basically all alone, but there's not much i can do besides answer her when she calls or texts. parents always fuck up everything, huh.

[nateascendingskies]

DISTANT DETONATIONS - on the Trinity Test in Oppenheimer

After seeing Christopher Nolan's latest, "Oppenheimer", in all its full IMAX glory last week, many thoughts have continued to ruminate in my mind, with everything from the film's subject matter to its technical merits being under consideration. Of those ruminations, none are perhaps more important than what could arguably be called the defining moment of the entire film - and quite possibly even the lives of many of those dramatized and portrayed on screen, the infamous Trinity atomic bomb test near the famed Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico.

As many who have studied the Manhattan Project and its influences on the end of World War II from the perspective of the Pacific Theatre already know, the test marked a crucial turning point in the close to 3 years of tireless research in developing such a weapon - one that, in all theory, could end all wars due to its unfathomable and near apocalyptic power, harnessing the destructive force of miles high fire and hazardously radioactive particles into one package. As the film's titular subject once stated, quoting the Bhagavad Gita, "Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds."

For director Christopher Nolan, who has been well known for eschewing computer graphics as the lead focus of his visual effects sequences, often using them to complement or tweak massive practical stunts and explosions, recreating such a moment in history was going to be a difficult test. How much firepower, magnesium powder and gasoline would it take to portray such a lethal force without being deadly to anyone on set, and how spectacular would the final result look on such massive screens in the format Nolan intended people to see the film in - IMAX?

Well, therein lies the genius of how the test is portrayed on film. For close to a year, I had been eagerly anticipating how such a moment would play out - I even went out of my way to buy tickets to a showing at the largest IMAX screen in Seattle to make sure I got the best experience possible. I knew what Nolan was capable of - he had utterly floored me with Interstellar some 8 years earlier. And while I wasn't the biggest fan of Dunkirk, I knew that he'd tastefully portray such an event with his experience in the dramatizing the era of World War II. Even then, everyone was expecting the test to blow the roof off of their local cineplex - I mean, why wouldn't it?

That Saturday night I saw the film, the tension was palpable leading up to the test - almost presented in real time to as it actually happened, tricky weather conditions and all. I was close to gripping my armrests, my heart was racing. Just how insanely massive was this going to be?

Then - it happened. The button was pushed, the countdown timer hit 0, and the test occurred on screen, but not with the explosive force that had been overblown and hyped by many. Instead, it felt, in an intriguing way, distant, restrained and even beautiful - using forced perspective and some extremely well staged pyrotechnics, such a crucial moment in history had been revisited. Then, the theater was given the jolt they were expecting - not in the explosion itself, but in the shockwave of sound that passed through the test site afterwards.

Perhaps we as an audience that night, myself included, should've caught onto this sooner - every explosion in the buildup to the test had a scientifically accurate delay of sound afterwards. In addition, the way Nolan had written and structured the film beforehand was far from the means of glorifying such an explosion - who did we think he was, Michael Bay? Oppenheimer was a complex, unfairly vilified political leftist, and even potentially neurodiverse man (awkward socially and better in visually driven theoretical physics than in math - the signs were there for him to be on the autism spectrum), so why would this moment in history even remotely resemble something from his earlier "Dark Knight Trilogy"?

This was a test that many were worried would destroy the world through a chain reaction igniting the atmosphere of the Earth. No spectacle was warranted, especially since this would lead to the deaths of tens of thousands in Hiroshima and Nagasaki a few weeks later. Thus, such an approach was not needed, especially considering the mental trauma that awaited both us and Oppenheimer in the film's last hour (and especially so in the real life events that informed the film).

In all essence, it made perfect sense for the Trinity test to feel that small. We were seeing it from the perspective of the men who were there that night - not some wide angle or close up view of the events like something James Cameron had done for Titanic some 25 years earlier. And with on how bone-chillingly apocalyptic a note the film ends on an hour and half later, the way the test is shown on screen only reveals itself to be more brilliant with the full picture being unveiled. The test itself may not have destroyed the world. But as Oppenheimer notes to Einstein in a meeting at the end of the film set a few years after the test, the aftermath of it just might have.

[idohistorysometimes]

Why I dislike the True Crime community

I am aware this post will get me hate. It is bound to get me hate. The true crime fandom, yes I say fandom, is so massive it's inevitable. But since the release of that Dahmer show on Netflix, I feel like I need to say something. This issue has gone too far. 

The reason I hate the true crime community has nothing to do with the subject matter. Wanting to learn about criminology, psychology, forensics, and the darker aspects of human history and behavior is not a bad thing or something I view as shameful. This is, in fact, a very big part of my job working in the history world. People are extremely complex. Issues are extremely complex. Everything is complex. We cannot have good without bad. Its just how things are. What I do take issue with is the fact a non-insignificant number of people within this community that try to defend the perpetrators. They defend these men within their posts and in the comment sections of videos. They tattoo references to them on their bodies. They even go as far as to make image edits or tribute pages dedicated to these men and infantilize them. And all of it seems to be done for the same reasons one might defend a tragic character in fiction: because they are a tragic character. And this has become even more true after the release of the aforementioned Netflix show. 

I would like to make it clear now that you cannot defend Jeffery Dahmer and claim to be a supporter of the “Black Lives Matter” movement. You cannot defend Dahmer and claim to be an ally to those who are survivors of sexual assault and rape. You cannot defend Dahmer and claim to be against pedophiles. You cannot defend Dahmer and claim to be an advocate for Native rights or the rights of other minorities. Jeffery Dahmer (and other serial killer) apologism and  anti-racism, anti-sex abuse, and anti-predator activism are incompatible with each other. Jeffery Dahmer is not an edgy misunderstood bad boy you can project your headcanons onto. He was a very real man who killed 17 people, most of which were either Black or of other racial minorities he knew the police would not look for. He raped people, some children. He ate parts of his victim's bodies and had sex with them after they died. And his crimes gave homophobes fuel to demonize LGBTQ people even more than they were during the aids crisis which has still not gone away even today. Gay hate crimes skyrocketed around Dahmer’s trial. And many homophobes cite Dahmer as the reason for their views. They hate as to not allow another Dahmer to kill and rape again. Is this sound logic? No. At this point though it does not matter. Its here and wont go away.

As a person who works in a historical field and regularly interfaces with dark subject matter all of the time. I am no stranger to the fact people can be complex and more complicated beyond being just “pure evil”. But that complication is not a justification. To make a comparison: let's look at Adolf Hitler. I get this is an extreme example: but it still works given we are talking about people vs actions.

I think it is fair to say Hitler is both directly and indirectly responsible for some of the worst atrocities history has seen so far and is a pretty evil person. He can be in some way connected to the deaths of 11 million people. This is just the number of those who were killed in concentration camps during the holocaust. This does not include the number of civilians who died during air raids he ordered and his invasions, the number of soldiers who died on both sides of the conflict, or the deaths that occurred after the war proper such as the deaths of human experimentation victims who survived the camps or exposure to chemicals used in war. If it did the number would be much higher. We might never truly know the exact number of people that man killed either directly or indirectly. But we do know how it happened and why he did it. He wrote it down. And beyond that, a lot of other information has been left behind that paints a rather clear picture.

But despite the fact Hitler ordered all of these horrible events (and did a lot of horrible things behind closed doors) he also had a very rough childhood and early years. Monsters are not outright born in most cases, they are created. In Hitler’s case: he was created through an abusive father, constant exposure to anti-semitic viewpoints through other people he was around at a young age, and coming back injured and shellshocked from WW1 and seeing and feeling what happened to Germany afterward. He had authentic trauma which shaped the person he became. But what happened to him as a child and into his adulthood does not negate what he did as an adult. It is not an excuse and never will be. It might explain how he became the way he did but it does not justify it.

Trauma and hardship is not a pass for people to do horrific things to others.

This is often the argument I see used to defend Dahmer and people like him within this section of the true crime community. Jeffery did in fact experience trauma, that is true, but as I mentioned before trauma is not a “get out of jail free card” for doing horrible things to others. If I tried to argue what Hitler did was not that bad or that it was forgivable because he “had a bad childhood” and that “he is a victim too just as much as his victims were victims” I would justifiably be verbally crucified. Not only are people who survived the holocaust STILL ALIVE TODAY, their families are also still alive and have to carry the weight of what has happened to their loved one with them. They carry that story with them. And remnants of these horrible events still exist within society today. Hate still exists. We are not far removed from it because it still happens. Its still a very real problem.

Obviously, what Dahmer did and what Hitler did are very different things on a few levels so the comparison is not a perfect one. But if you don't feel comfortable doing something on a macro level (like for example defending a mass murderer on the basis of his childhood trauma) why do it on a micro level or only do it with certain people? Even if there are fewer people dead with Dahmer, those people are still people. Those were still people with families, friends, and lives. It should not take an extremely large amount of people dying at once for death, specifically murder, to be treated with respect and dignity. Why are the families of Dahmer’s victims crybabies for not wanting this man being praised and to see their loved ones murder dramatized for the entertainment of others but the families of the victims of other people with much higher death counts respected? Why do we even have to have this conversation in the first place? What do you gain from defending these people? What makes their crimes defensible now but not when other people commit the same offenses (both on a larger or smaller scale)? Why does Dahmer get that pass when the creepy pedo up the street and or Hitler does not? At what point do we draw that line? At what point is the crime ‘too extreme’ to be tasteful enough to condone?

Another thing I would like to add is that a lot of these apologists claim that they do this in the name of “education”. They consume this type of media to become “Educated” on the crimes these men committed. They tattoo themselves, wear ‘merch’, and post fan edits for ‘education’. As I mentioned before, the actual people who talk about these crimes in a respectful and informative way are not the problem here. You can have a documentary about a serial killer or a podcast discussing their trial and crimes that does not exist to exploit the victims. You can have true crime media that is responsible with its messages and careful with how it handles the subject of the victims. But education stops being education when you are not learning anything. You have to actually be trying to understand the subject matter as a whole, not just parts of it.

Shows like Netflix’s Dahmer series that just came out or the movie about Ted Bundy also produced by Netflix are not educational media. You are turning in for the drama, the conflict, not because you want to know more about the crimes in question and the people involved in them. Just like “the crown” is not a reliable source of information regarding information about Queen Elizabeth or the royal family, these types of true crime media are not good representations of these cases and do not respect the victims and their families. These shows and movies are meant to entertain you, not educate you even though they are based on real events. And while some movies and shows can be educational (like Saving Private Ryan for example since its one of the most accurate depictions of D-Day in film), when the focus of the show is to entertain you facts take a backseat.

From what I am able to tell people just be seeming to use education as a shield to justify their unhealthy attachment to these men. Because yes, this is an unhealthy attachment. There is nothing healthy or positive about dedicating your time to defending rapists, pedophiles, necrophiliacs, and serial murderers and sexualizing them. If you truly want to learn about something actual sit down and dedicate the time to learn about the subject matter you are interested in instead of hyper-focusing on the serial killers, their looks, and how hot you think their crimes are.

Overall: This community as a community gives me “cute selfie at Auschwitz” vibes. It's insensitive, it's dense, and it's just thinly veiled misogyny, racism, and in some cases, homophobia and transphobia framed as educational content. Not all of it is, but the parts of it that are this way are extremely vocal and loud for their size

As I said before you can still be interested in dark topics without being like what I said above. You can still be interested in the subject of True Crime and talk about it without being part of the problem. Just talking about these subjects and learning about them is not the problem here and never was since many good conversations can come out of them. The problem is the people who treat murder and murderers who have done horrible things like “Tumblr Blorbos”. And that is what is becoming more and more common with the production of shows like Netflix’s “Monster” and the perpetuation of a “fandom” sorrounding these people.

If you know everything about a serial killer but cant remember/say their victim’s names, you are doing this wrong. If you cannot understand why a man who only killed gay men of color and then raped them and their corpses is a problem for the LGBTQ community today and in general, you are doing this wrong. If you make fanart of these people you are doing this wrong.

Be better.

[charmingly-evil]

I have a theory, and it’s based on nothing more than what we saw. I don’t have any inside info or anything, but I have worked as a broadcast news editor in the past and filmed a few short films. I think they were never going to kiss. The shot that everyone is pointing at that (stupidly) made the cut where their lips are touching and she pulls back almost looks like she is saying the line “I can’t” there. But, they used that shot to show his reaction for “Why not?” and I guess they showed the full pull back, either sneaking that in or as a mistake. Obviously, if she was saying her line there, they just cut her audio. Either way, my theory is that take was her leaning forward towards him like she did, but then they actually touched lips, but did not kiss. You can even maybe see her shaking a little more in that shot too. I would love to hear your thoughts! I’ve missed seeing you on my dash every week 😊

Hey there, thank you so much for taking the time to write this, I really appreciate it. It's great that you can bring your perspective working at a broadcast news station, and interesting thoughts too. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of editing occurred to give us the scene we got, which was so far from what we promised. I just - my issue is, why though? They knew showing us that promo would get our hopes up, leaking out those photos gave us the promise of a hug. It's not even that they didn't kiss that bothers me. It's that it left at such a hopeless ending, the scene and song and everything. It gave me this feeling that Olivia and Elliot love each other, but the writers have decided to not make it cannon, due to Liv not being ready. But there's no indication of if she'll be ready or when. And I feel like it gives the writers an excuse to just ignore their relationship for another season or two, and not have to get back to this, cause Elliot is still giving Liv space and Liv isn't ready. And I'm just SO FRUSTRATED with it. I'm frustrated with the writers not liking Chris or Bensler and projecting their feelings onto the show. I'm frustrated with them baiting us for views, and falling for it time and time again. And now I feel so hopeless about Bensler :(

Thank you for sharing Anon, I truly appreciate it. I'm a bit of a cynic I guess, so would love others' thoughts and your thoughts on this. I've been watching the show from the sidelines, and there's been so much I've wanted to share and write about on the blog. But I dunno - i just feel so tired with the direction the writers have taken (and a little tired from life too). I haven't had the energy or capacity to sit down and share my thoughts and analysis. I do have a bit of an idea for a fic following that episode, so if I have the time I'll try and sit down and write. I might be pretty rusty though!

[shardthemetalsonicheritageposts]

(Shard was wandering through the woods, idly watching the sunrise. Hints of light streaming through the treeline and clouds above)

Huh, it's really beautiful out here.

(A small smile finds it's way on his face)

Our Sonic would've liked this.

Indeed

(Nicole's avatar sprung to life, seemingly being projected straight from Shard's gem. The energy whirring as she moved)

Actually now that I think about it he probably would have fallen asleep half way through watching it.

Shard-

I'm serious! Sonic's never really been one to sit still. You know this.

I'm sure he can appreciate the beauty of nature without feeling restless.

Ehhhhh

(Shard did a so-so motion with his hand as he smirked at Nicole)

(sigh) You jest far too much.

(Despite saying that, the tone of her voice indicated otherwise)

Oh come on! I know you thought it was funny.

...Perhaps a little

Well, I count that as a win in my book.

...Ok but IMAGINE Sonic trying to watch a sunrise and IMMEDIATELY falling asleep and just falling face first onto an Eggman trap

Pfft- It's not funny

But you laughed!

It's not supposed to be funny!

Heh! ... I miss him.

I do as well. But. At least we're here, together.

Yeah, that's true.

(They stood side by side allowing peace to flow between them, the sunlight reflecting off of Shard's optic screen and bathing everything in warmth. Nicole took a deep breath and looked back at Shard, a hint of nervousness in her gaze)

..Shard? There's something important that I've been meaning to tell you.

Really? What is it?

(She then floats over to him, gently taking his hands into her own)

When you were brought here it was before the Super Genesis Wave had even occurred.

Wait- No no back up- The What?

... When Metal Sonic eliminated you, you were sent here, but after that something known as a "Super Genesis Wave" ripped through our timeline. We tried to stop it before it could do too much damage but- ... But we couldn't.

Our original timeline is gone, Shard.

(He took a step back, shock apparent in his voice and optics as her words settled in)

What..?

I'm so sorry, I should have told you earlier but- But I didn't know how to say it.

Wait but- But then how are you here? How did you come with me??

(She diverts her attention towards the ground, the expression on Shard's face is far too painful to bear. The pain in his voice is far too hard to listen to. There is so much Grief in those eyes.)

What do you MEAN our home, our- our FRIENDS, are GONE? Is this- Is this a joke..?

No, I'm sorry Shard. But I can explain how I'm able to be here. If you'd like..?

I- ... what do you mean I'll never be able to see them again?

what do you mean Larry, Silver, and Everyone I knew... is gone?

I didn't even get to properly make up for what I've done. I didn't even get to say goodbye.

(After a few moments he shook himself out of his own head and faced Nicole again)

Well I would like to know how you were able to follow me. So, yeah it'd be nice for you to explain that bit.

Alright, so after the Genesis Wave hit it scattered our energy and since it had nowhere to go and no way of returning, it... It latched onto the only piece of our home that was left unharmed.

You, Shard, contain all of our energies. You're the reason I'm still here, able to talk to you again.

... Huh.

Are you ok?

Yeah, yeah I'm fine! I mean- I just learned that my entire UNIVERSE has been wiped out and apparently I've been made into a Haunted House but pshhhhh, it's nothing!

... You don't sound ok.

(He plops down onto the grass, looking directly up at the sky)

I'll be fine, I mean, as long as you're here with me to help me figure things out I think we'll be fine. Right?

(She gives a nervous yet reassuring smile)

Right.

[dduane]

Render afterthought(s)...

A tweaked, higher-resolution version of the render from that previous post...

“Short King” take 2. (With a slightly different/better camera, and a few corrections of positioning.) Along with a couple of the comments on the earlier one:

(via herald0fgojira) Is that Daniel Radcliffe on the left?

...You know, that’s not a thought that would’ve occurred to me. But looking at it, I do kind of see it. The figure’s face when in profile definitely resembles him a bit. (It’s more obvious when enlarged/cropped...)

...Also:

faewrite this looks like a photo my brain does not know what to make of this

...It really does, doesn’t it? Sometimes the lighting settings/conditions just come together perfectly to produce this kind of effect. (Sometimes they even do it when you want them to, which is nice. If a shade too rare.) You may not always want photorealism for everything, but it’s nice to be sure how to achieve it when you do want it.

The joke is that I have no real idea how I did this. I ran across the original tweet, it made me laugh, I had to go look up what Short King Spring was (never having heard the term before), and chuckled a little (because @petermorwood falls either just barely inside or barely outside of the criteria, depending on who you’re listening to: so in my case it’s been sort of Short King Summer, Winter and Fall as well, for thirty years plus). .... And then I thought Well, I’ve got a perfectly good actual king here, or, okay, be that way, actual fictional king, who happens to be short. So let’s imagine a moment when his husband’s teasing him about it...

As a result, while I was watching some of the new season of Bridgerton last night I pulled the characters into an already-dressed set, and posed them, and turned the render loose. When it was done I edited out a couple of rendering errors, and posted the thing, and then went to bed.

...So much of working in Daz Studio is about getting the lighting right...and you may spend hours and hours on it, and then regardless of that  completely forget what you spent all that time doing when at last you turn to another project. Now I’m going to have to have a closer look at that set and analyze all the light sources squirreled away in there. ...And it may take a while, because the set isn’t small.

...There were a lot of weird light sources hung around the set in the last render I used it for -- this one, nicknamed “Research”, over at Sunspark’s page on the MK dot com site --

...and I swear I thought I’d gotten rid of all the unnecessary ones. All I was looking for, really, in the Short King shot, was bright lighting from on top -- because my experience up to this point has been that all these figures look better with lighting that emphasizes strong modeling on their features. This one’s a lot more illuminated than I expected -- especially from the front -- and too often that washes characters out and makes them look flat. Yet this time, it heightened the realism considerably.

(sigh) Now I get to pull the set apart and see what made this happen. Ah well. Onward into the unknown...  :)

(...Also: for some reason the Lion medallion on the top of the Throne isn’t rendering, and I need to figure out what’s going on with that and fix it. [eyeroll] No rest for the weary...)

ETA: So an investigation of the lighting situation didn’t take long. While I knew the light from overhead was coming from having removed the roof panels directly over the Throne dais, I hadn’t thought through what that removal was doing to other materials in the space besides the principals.

When I looked at the set through a camera hung at the other end of it, this is what I saw:

. ...All that light falling onto a material that’s been told to act like highly polished marble is obviously going to splash back more than amply onto Dusty and Lorn. So that answers my question about where all the light was coming from. I mean, I knew there was a lot there... but I’d lost track of just HOW much. :)

...So. On to other business...

[pineapple-lover-boy]

Can- can I just talk about the Victuuri relationship? Pretty please?

I just…. I’ve never seen a healthy relationship that starts from idolization and a need to get out that has ended in a satisfying way.

Let me elaborate:

We all know that Yuri idolized Victor. It’s why he was so nervous in the beginning and why it took time for them to build on their relationship, he saw Victor as a god.

Victor? He was depressed. He loved the ice so much but he longer found excitement in competitions. He didn’t have any worthy opponents that had a chance of beating him (sorry Chris).

I believe Victor “fell in love” at the banquet. He was attracted to Yuri but, even though he lost, he also saw potential in him. That night was probably the most exciting night for him in a long time. I think he felt genuine affection for Yuri but also saw a way to get out of his predicament.

Then, of course, Yuri didn’t show up the following season (a year had passed before the present timeline). He was most likely annoyed that someone who had gave him excitement didn’t show up. Did he think Yuri had a chance of beating him at first? Probably not. Did he see potential or at least someone he could have fun with during the season? Hell yes!

And then when he saw the video of Yuri skating Stay Close To Me, something that awarded him a gold medal. That’s all he needed. He saw how Yuri not only skated it perfectly but I bet he thought Yuri skated it better. Let’s not forget that emotion is a huge part of skating. If you don’t skate with the passion your supposed to hold for whatever theme you have, your performance can almost seem futile. Victor obviously won because he perfected it but if it was based on how he presented it alone, he would’ve lost. He saw someone worthy of skating an gold medal piece while also having the heart to do it. That’s talent.

Anyways, because of this, their relationship doesn’t hold well in the beginning. He’s passive aggressive towards Yuri because he doesn’t see his own talent and Yuri is just going along for the ride because holy shit it’s Victor fucking Nikiforov.

As they get to know each other and Yuri opens up more (plus Victor getting info on Yuri from the others) Victor starts to see Yuri as an actual person and not someone he can use to project himself onto and then later skate against. And Yuri starts to see him as an actual person too.

I saw on another post talking about how we didn’t see them during the summer and how the end credits of every episode suggest they got to know each other better as both in the credits and in the show they (Yuri) are able to touch each other more. I 100% believe this.

I also believe they might’ve had an argument or two on this topic. It’s not easy to switch from inadvertently seeing someone as anything but a person to an actual person with emotions and feelings. I believe Victor would’ve tried to back away from this subject but Yuri wouldn’t let him. It wasn’t big arguments like in episode 7. It was probably little quarrels that annoyed them both but after having a long conversation they finally started to become more comfortable with each other.

Yuri started letting go of the notion that Victor was a god like creature and Victor saw him as something other than a pawn. Yuri stopped getting as embarrassed with Victor touching him and Victor stopped trying to seduce him as much just so he could see the man from the banquet.

This most definitely leads the way towards a healthier relationship but episode 7 was inevitable. Yuri’s anxiety was at an all time high when he comes out on top. The fact that he needs to stay on top and not mess up is getting to him. As a person with anxiety, it’s pure hell. The thoughts of failing won’t get out of his head and even as he turns off all the monitors he can still hear everything.

Victor takes him away from prying eyes and has no idea what to do. Despite an obvious change that would’ve had to include some emotions from both occurring over the summer, he still has no idea how to help someone in distress.

Then he makes his first mistake. Yuri is visibly shaken by someone’s scores (can’t remember who) and Victor, who is at his wits end, yells at him to stop listening and puts his hands over Yuri’s ears. This tells Yuri how nervous Victor is too and despite knowing that Victor wouldn’t leave him now it shows to him that Victor doesn’t have faith in him (even if he does).

Victor tried to shatter Yuri’s heart. He must’ve expected Yuri to maybe sign heavily but tell him that he’ll do everything in his power to win (probably something that’s happened with him and Yakov). Instead he see’s the consequences of his carelessness. Yuri rightfully lashes out at him and even through all that Victor stills says “should I kiss you?”. Idk what Yuri was thinking but if I were him I would be extremely offended that Victor would try and use me like some doll he can play with and can assume that physical affection and love can fix everything, which was probably what Yuri was thinking.

There’s something off about Yuri and Victor when they emerge but Yuri is surprisingly better now. Cathartic crying can do wonders, kids. There’s also my favorite part of the entire show (couldn’t find a gif):

*head jab* “Hey, fuck you.”

*more head jabs* “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I know you don’t like this you unempathetic dicknip.”

*head pat* “You’re forgiven.”

We all know what happens next: Yuri ends his love story with Victor’s signature move and Victor kisses him out of joy and the need to one up him (with love, of course).

I’m gonna get a little sloppy here with the timeline because I have the memory of a female protagonist that needs to go back to work to get something only to accidentally bump into the jerk CEO of which she will develop a toxic relationship for fan service, so forgive me.

Gonna skip ahead to the scene where Yuri tells Victor that he’s leaving skating, and basically Victor too. (At this moment I realized I’ve been spelling Viktor with a c and not a k which is really fucking with my brain but it’s too late to go back). Victor starts crying and realizes just how Yuri felt when he was rejecting him.

I believe Yuri found some light in the situation because of that fact, which Victor was not having. They’ve been closer than ever now. They’ve kissed, they’ve also announced they they’re getting married, so what the hell?!

Yuri, as we know, feels he’s keeping Victor from the ice. Victor, while he misses the ice and wouldn’t mind being competitive again, has found meaning and if he’s going to be Yuri’s coach to stay where he is than so be it.

He wanted to coach Yuri because he wanted a worthy competitor and while he still wants that, what matters most now is his relationship with Yuri. If he stops being Yuri’s coach and Yuri goes off the ice he knows it will be the end. Yuri loves the ice too and I’d bet he’d try to distance himself from Victor as to not feel regret from leaving without actually knowing that he’s doing it.

They’ve grown so much at this point. But that doesn’t mean it’s over. After all they’ve been through Yuri doesn’t realize that consequences of parting from one another. While being too dependent on your spouse isn’t good, it’s what they both need right now. They are what caused the other person to be happy again and while I hate those types of storylines this one executed it perfectly.

I find Victor’s silent plea to Yurio absolutely heartbreaking. He knows it’s bad to put pressure on people but now he’s doing that to a 15 year old boy. He’s putting his relationship and his life into this child’s hands because he knows there’s nothing else he can do.

I do think Yurio had a crush on Yuri but even if he didn’t: Yuri has taught him so much. He, although being an ass most of the time, has really come to love Yuri as family. It’s clear that Yurio was always lonely (Otabek being his first friend and all) but once he came to Japan and lived, truly lived there, he wasn’t lonely anymore.

Yurio wins, Yuri gets silver and all’s well that ends well.

I guess my point of this was to show how well the relationship in YOI was. I could’ve included some more detail on some points but I usually write stuff in one take (it’s very hard to revise without my mind shutting on itself).

I just love how an implicitly toxic relationship can come out so healthy. They don’t do any of that miscommunication bullshit and when they do it’s because the characters don’t know what to do or how to handle something. Like humans do!

They could’ve easily made this the hot famous guy thinks the kawai girl boy is just so adorable and the kawai girl boy is absolutely infatuated with the hot guy. Hijinks ensue which includes the kawai girl boy thinking the hot guy is in love with someone else. She He gets pushed into thinking that she’s he’s more independent in the end and happily ever after for the couple that will divorce in less than five years! Yay!

Seriously, I thought that was what was going to happen but YOI subverted my expectations so much. They are people that grew from their bad mindsets. And you know what? Yuri still has anxiety! Victor is still bad with handling emotions! And that’s ok! We don’t change that quickly. It takes time and hopefully another season.

I’m definitely using this show as a template for healthy relationships. It’s so hard for me to properly write them when I’ve never been in one and I’m not given the chance to see it happen in different environments (when searching it up all I get is “they trust each other. They blame each other. They’re compassionate.” Like ok but can you show me how?)

Yuri!!! On ice…. I love you so much. You have done so much for my mental health and my writing. Thank you.

[five-rivers]

@lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks came up with this op!Danny/Marvel AU!

BTW I need help naming this newest proof that I can't keep anything to a short little one-shot.

.

Loki was not, and never had been, a good man. For that matter, whether or not he’d ever been a good boy was debatable. His mother would argue that he had, but she would very likely be the only one. Well, except for Thor, perhaps, but that was because he was an idiot who could drown in three inches of nostalgia. Like he didn’t remember every time Loki had humiliated him. Maybe he didn’t, for all that he kept falling for the same trick over and over again.

It made Loki’s late nights studying the arts of illusion, misdirection, and lying seem redundant. Almost. Not everyone was as dense as his big brother.

No. Loki had never been a good man. He had, however, been a free man.

Free to run or hide. Free to explore the nooks and crannies of Asgard, to uncover her secrets in ways few cared to do. Free to walk hidden paths between the Nine Realms and even farther flung territories, where his people did not and had never ruled, to play games, make deals, have adventures, take risks. To be. To exist as his own creature.

He had been free. He had.

But on one of those little secret excursions, he had discovered something that had made even his flippant, slippery heart clench with fear. A ravening plague, spreading across the stars. The death of half of everything on the horizon.

Loki was not a good man. What cause did he have to care for all the sundry others in the universe? There were too many. It was too much to ask.

But Asgard—His home, even though the had long ago realized the blood in his veins originated on very different soil. That was different.

Asgard, he could help. Asgard could survive.

But it had to be strong. It had to have strong allies. None of this barely-held peace, this enemy eternally at their gates. It needed strong leadership. Not his brother’s simplistic view and longing for the glory of war.

Loki was not a good man. But he was one who could get things done.

Before he knew it, he had burned all his bridges behind him. In one case, a literal bridge that was literally broken.

And he fell.

And he fell.

And he fell right into the hands of the one he had feared enough to do this. Broken enough for poison to drip into the cracks. No one knew where he was, no one could know where he was, except, perhaps, Heimdal, and Loki sincerely doubted Heimdal cared. No one was coming for him. No one was looking for him. No rescue was forthcoming.

He was alone.

Asgardians were considered gods for a reason. Their bodies and minds were much more resilient than the average mortal’s. But Thanos’s people had been titans, and there was a reason for that, too.

Thanos enjoyed breaking him.

And Loki turned his lies on himself. A skilled master of games always had one gifted opponent, even alone. Hadn’t he wanted to rule? To command? To see a world, any world, prostrate at his feet? To be given the recognition and praise of which he was so worth?

To pull something, anything, out of the fire?

(If he had spent less time learning how to spin lies and more on how to see the truth, he might not have believed it. A better, wiser, man would have. But Loki was not a good man. And he was very skilled in his craft.)

So, his new master put a weapon in his hands, and he went off to conquer a world.

.

Danny was used to rude awakenings. He was used to those rude awakenings being full body chills and ghosts, not someone knocking on his door.

Blearily, he pulled himself out from under the blankets. Quasi-military government facility or not, the beds were comfortable. Maybe Mom or Dad had gotten themselves locked out of their room? Or Jazz—No, not Jazz, she hadn’t come with them. She was at college, not being flown places by Mom and Dad’s suspiciously generous new consulting job.

At least it wasn’t the GIW.

He stood on tiptoe (curse his perpetually short body) to peer out the peephole. His parents’ buff, one-eyed, and incredibly imposing new boss stood in front of the door, hands on his hips, slightly sweeping back his long dark coat. If Danny listened carefully, he could hear two other people near the door, and… was that an alarm? Yes. Faint, but present, was a warning klaxon.

Okay. Danny would bet his right arm that something had gone horribly wrong with whatever his parents were consulting on. Didn’t explain why the boss was in front of his door.

Unless they’d gotten the rooms mixed up, somehow?

Ugh. Danny wasn’t paid enough to deal with this.

He opened the door. “What-?”

“Phantom,” intoned eyepatch guy with great solemnity.

Danny immediately tried to close the door. The guy stuck his foot in the jamb, and, sure, Danny could have crushed it, but that would be a jerk move. He didn’t think this guy was going for a pirate look, after all.

“We need your help.”

.

“I’m not sure what you think I can help you with,” yelled Danny over the beating of the helicopter blades. He’d remained stubbornly in human form. “My parents are the scientists. This sounds like a science thing. Not a punching-people thing.”

“We spoke to them earlier,” said Fury, “and we have plenty of scientists working on the theories they brought up. You’re the one with practical experience.”

“Practical experience in what?”

“Interdimensional portals,” said the woman, who had yet to introduce herself.

As if this whole thing wasn’t already giving him a bad feeling. “My parents built an interdimensional portal. Again, you should be talking to them. They’re the ones you’re paying.”

“We could pay you, too,” said Fury, “but we assumed you would want to avoid letting your parents know about this, as you’re still a minor and they have control of your bank accounts.”

Danny stared flatly. “This is blackmail.”

“We aren’t threatening you,” pointed out the woman.

“Emotional blackmail,” said Danny, glaring, daring her to challenge him on whether or not he actually knew what blackmail was.

In the meantime, the helicopter landed. Danny unbuckled and hopped out, trailing slightly awkwardly behind Fury and the woman. He didn’t want to stand out, but he suspected that, being the only kid here and being in the general vicinity of Fury, who radiated authority, that was a lost cause.

“This is Agent Coulson. Coulson, this is Phantom.”

Danny’s mouth went dry(er) at how casual the introduction was. His eyes went nervously to all the other people running around the field. With all the noise, it was unlikely anyone had heard, but still…

“Can you not? Secret identity and all? Unless you’ve told everyone herealready, which, rude.”

Fury sighed. “How bad is it?” he asked Coulson.

“We’re not sure,” said Coulson. “That’s the problem. Big fan of your work, by the way,” he added as an aside to Danny. He glanced at the woman. “Agent Hill.”

“Background?” asked Fury as he led the way into the building.

“The first energy surge was four hours ago. Dr. Selvig’s equipment picked it up – He’s the head scientist on this project.”

“Dr. Selvig isn’t authorized to test,” said Fury. “We wanted to run his plans by the Fentons.”

“He wasn’t testing. He wasn’t even in the room. He called it ‘spontaneous advancement.’”

“It turned itself on?”

“What are the energy levels?” asked Fury before Hill’s question could be answered.

“Climbing,” said Coulson.

“Mr. Fenton,” said Fury, “any comments?”

“Look, I don’t even know what this thing that you built looks like or what it’s a door to.” Danny frowned as a thought occurred to him. “You’re not expecting me to fight whatever comes out of it, are you? Because, unless you’ve got a ghost portal down there, I can’t make guarantees.”

“It’s called the Tesseract,” said Coulson. “It’s supposed to be a connection to the other side of space. A source of unlimited energy. At least,” there was a note of humor in his voice despite the evacuation taking place around them, “that’s what the scientists say.”

“A door to space?” asked Danny, firmly shoving down his excitement at the prospect. “Like, a Stargate?” It was no good, he could practically feel himself sparkling. He took a firm grip of his core and reminded himself he might need to fight before the end of the day.

“Well, no,” said Coulson. “It’s this little… cube… thing.” He made a shape with his hands.

“Oh,” said Danny, mind still whirring. “You know, if it’s really a tesseract, it isn’t a cube in just three dimensions, so bigger things could come out of it than you’d think.” He’d seen some weird portals in the Ghost Zone.

“Well, right now, we’re just getting energy.” They entered a large room with an extremely sci-fi setup. It looked like they were planning to shoot some kind of laser across the room onto a platform surrounded by strange-looking panels. There were men with guns scattered around in what was probably a well thought out formation Danny couldn’t see. There was also a dude with a bow sitting up in the rafters. He frowned down at Danny as he noticed Danny noticing him.

“Dr. Selvig!”

“Director!”

“What do we know?”

Danny allowed himself to be distracted by the centerpiece of the room, a piece of machinery built around what was indeed a little cube thing. He tilted his head and approached, trying to get a better view of it around the people in lab coats and protective gear currently swarming it. He caught mention of radiation a grimaced.

It was unlikely to kill him, but, really, everyone here should probably be wearing more PPE. You never knew what was going to come out of an interdimensional portal, after all. Except trouble. Trouble was a pretty safe bet.

It was pretty. Blue. Reminded him a little of a blue raspberry ice pop. Part of him wanted to lick it. Which was stupid. He didn’t want to wind up half what-ever-lived-on-the-other-side on top of his regular ghost nonsense.

“Mr. Fenton?”

Danny jumped and turned, refocusing on the adults, who had multiplied while he’d been daydreaming. The guy with the bow had joined them.

“Mr. Fenton? Like the Doctors Fenton I spoke to earlier?” asked Selvig.

“Yeah, it’s—”

This, of course, was when everything decided to explode. Sort of.

The blue cube shot out a beam of energy that had more than a little in common with the Fenton Bazooka’s portal setting. The beam terminated on the platform, a portal rapidly forming.

Danny slid into a fighting stance, and barely even noticed as blue energy washed over the room, throwing many less-prepared people back.

Something shaped like a man stepped through the portal.

Danny did not break his stance. Still. “An alien,” he whispered, eyes wide. If they were friendly, maybe they’d answer his questions about space. If they weren’t friendly, maybe they’d answer his questions about space after Danny beat them up.

(Danny did not go ghost. Did not even think about going ghost. There were too many people here, and the space was too open.)

Fury attempted to negotiate. Danny approved. Not everything that came through an interdimensional portal was necessarily evil.

Except this guy apparently was. Go figure. He could also deflect bullets and was very good with throwing knives, which led to Danny having to pull several of the gun guys out of their own line of fire as well as the alien’s line of knife. Who would have thought an alien’s weapon of choice would be throwing knives? The energy-blasting spear was much more in line with his expectations.

The bow guy proved to be more competent than the gun guys. This didn’t really surprise Danny. Bow guy sort of had to be competent. Otherwise, no way would they let him go around with a bow. Like, seriously. A bow.

Even so, bow guy was fighting an alien and—

“You have heart,” said the alien, raising the spear.

Danny pushed bow guy out of the way, and his mind fuzzed out.

(The human part of it, anyway.)

.

Loki didn’t know what a child was doing here, and he didn’t particularly care. The boy would do for a hostage, at least. He had a mission he had to fulfil, or else…

Or else.

“Please don’t,” he said turning with a shadow of his usual lazy affect, vaguely insulted that the human thought he could be sneaker that him, “I still need that.”

The human went on and on, apparently burdened with the delusion that he was on the same level as Loki.

Loki was burdened with other things. A glorious purpose. Glad tidings. Freedom. What could be better than freedom?

“A world free from what?” asked the human.

“From freedom,” said Loki, and wasn’t that what he believed, now? Wasn’t that what he’d been shown? “Freedom is life’s great lie.” He would know. He was an excellent liar. “Once you accept that, in your heart—” He batted away an arrow and tsked. “Shield me, boy,” he demanded. Had Thanos misrepresented the scepter’s powers? Or was the boy merely—

A dome of green surrounded him and the boy, thrumming with magic the likes of which he had only seen once, in a tome thrice forbidden.

“Oh,” said Loki, almost purring. “You are interesting. What are you?”

“Half human, half ghost,” replied the boy, tersely.

Loki had never heard of such a creature. No matter. He’d be sure to make good use of him.

“Grab the scientist,” he said, nodding at the balding man who had been with his brother when he’d fought the Destroyer in the desert.

Loki wanted the archer. He seemed interesting. Useful.

.

Fenton was under thrall. Phantom knew what that felt like. A hundred feet under red water, trying not to drown, whispers everywhere. Pulling. Pushing. Prodding.

This was different, but the principle was the same.

Neither half of him could truly ‘fight’ the other. Fenton and Phantom were a single entity. Not two in lockstep. Even so.

Fenton grabbed onto Dr. Selvig, as ordered. Phantom made sure that was all they did.

“What are you doing, boy?” snapped Loki. “Follow me! Bring the scientist.”

And so, they followed.

.

Loki breathed. Acquiring Barton had been the right choice. The boy was powerful, but, perhaps because of his unique biology, did not have Barton’s presence of mind, and couldn’t have led him to such wonderful allies.

Allies.

These weren’t truly his allies. Nor were they subjects. They were…

Loki forced himself to breathe. He just had to follow the mission. Follow the mission, let Thanos’s army through. He’d been promised this world. He would have this world.

And then he could be… His mind stuttered over the next word, and he shook his head, trying to drive out the painful buzz of Thanos’s herald and mouthpiece trying to contact him.

He looked up at the drones bustling around, all according to his will. Except the boy, who stared at him, somehow managing to be both utterly blank and challenging at the same time.

He was alone, here.

He was alone.

But what did it matter? Bad men always wound up alone, and Loki… Loki could never be a good man.

[infernalrevenge]

Kiss The Girl

Fandom: Resident Evil 8: Village

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Rating: G/T

Summary: Reader doesn't know how to handle how beautiful their girlfriend is. One thought in particular has preoccupied their mind as the two of them spend time together.

Notes: The real summary of this is actually "Reader wants to kiss Donna so bad" because hey don't we all HAHAHA. In this house, we love two pining idiots, even in an established relationship setting. Enjoy!

----------

“Y/N, please tell Donna she looks fine!” Angie whined, only to be cradled even closer to the lady’s chest.

“You look fantastic, darling. As always,” they assured her, smiling widely as they laid both hands on her shoulders.

Y/N managed to convince Donna to wear an eyepatch to cover her Cadou scar around them instead of her usual veil. They knew how insecure she felt about having it exposed, so the both of them figured this might be a good compromise. They always assured her that she was beautiful no matter what, but until she was ready to reveal that part of herself to everyone else, then this should do.

The only thing was, after some time, they didn't realize how overwhelming it would be to get to see Donna's face so often.

They had become very familiar and in-tune with her non-verbal mannerisms -- how she twiddled her thumbs when she started to get bored during family meetings, how her hands clenched to fists then loosened when she got frustrated but didn't want to make a scene of it, the soft hum she would let out when she was satisfied with how a project was going. Getting to see all of that as expressions on her face and more have somehow made her even more endearing.

Did she always scrunch her nose like that when she was threading a needle? And how did it never occur to them that there would be a sparkle in her eye whenever she read something she found fascinating on plants? Oh god, she's so cute when she blushes too, this just isn't fair! Their heart can only take so much.

Then there's Donna's lips -- full in shape, with just a tint of pink to contrast her pale skin. She purses them together when she's deep in thought, she bites down on her lower lip when she's nervous or embarrassed -- and her smile? The soft curve of her lips whenever Angie cracks a joke or Y/N compliments her?

It always knocked the wind out of them.

Even just sitting with her right now, they could barely focus on the novel they were supposed to be reading together and just looked at Donna's serene expression. She was snuggled into their side, her feet up on the couch as the book rested on her lap so both of them can see, and Angie mirrored her position against her side. It was clear that they have established a comfortable space between them -- Donna had never felt so at ease to the point that her posture was this relaxed. She felt safe.

They knew what she had been through and what it took for her to get to where she was. Their chest swelled with affection for her, so happy to know that she trusted them enough to be this at ease in their presence, that she was willing to share her interests and insecurities and everything that made her who she was. At that moment, only one thought rang through their mind as their gaze landed on her lips.

God, I wanna kiss her.

"Y/N?" she called out, snapping them out of their trance. "Are you finished with this page, love?"

Oops.

"I bet they're not even reading," Angie snickered. They could feel the tips of their ears start to heat up in embarrassment.

"I, uh... I was just sort of, um, distracted, I guess."

Despite being together for a while now, Y/N had never actually gotten to kiss Donna. Perhaps it was because the veil used to be an obstacle and they weren't sure if they could cross that threshold just yet while she still wore it frequently. But it was never a problem before when they would plant soft kisses on her forehead and temples through it, and they have gotten away with sneaking a kiss onto her cheek before.

"What's on your mind?” She closed the book though left her index finger between the last page they were on and faced them, looking concerned.

They suddenly grew shy, rubbing on the back of their neck as they averted their gaze down. What a strange role reversal. They didn’t mean to interrupt their reading time by letting their mind wander. Still, they knew they could be honest with her, so they decided to just say it.

“You, actually... You’ve been on my mind.”

It was her turn to be shy now, eyes casting down. Ah, now this scenario felt more familiar.

“Um... what about me?” She was nervous, judging by how she started chewing on her bottom lip. Y/N caught sight of it, and they felt their heart start to beat faster.

They wished they could be the one to bite it.

“I’ve just been thinking about, like, you and how pretty you are and wonderful and sweet and you just trust me so much and I love that and I wanna show that so--”

“You wanna kiss her, don’t ya?” Angie chimed in, jumping and getting all up on Y/N’s face, which was quickly heating up at how plainly the doll saw right through them. She couldn’t make too many expressions but if she could, no doubt she would be smirking.

“I-I, well, I mean, not that I-- it’s not, I mean I do--”

“You’ve been staring at her mouth for almost the entire hour we’ve been here.”

Donna lunged for the doll, letting go of the book in her haste and pulled her away from Y/N.

They blinked, looking up at the lady, “Wait, did you notice too?”

She looked off to the side, shrinking back. “Duh,” Angie supplied. Well if she noticed then surely the lady did as well, seeing as Angie was an extension of her.

“So are you gonna kiss her or what?”

Donna quickly pulled Angie back onto her lap, as if to say that that was enough. She ducked her head behind her, trying to hide her face from their view.

Unbeknownst to Y/N, Donna has had similar thoughts, and likewise had no idea what to do about them. She had thought about maybe hinting to it every now and then and just hoped that they pick up on it -- a subtle look here, a touch there. They very much did not.

(Angie already explained that it was a dumb strategy but what else was she supposed to do? Ask outright? What if they said no? What if they become disgusted by the thought of it? What if they're just not into kissing? What if--)

She scooted farther onto the other end of the couch, hoping to get away before she could embarrass heraelf any further, only for Y/N to reach for her -- not quite touching since they didn't want to startle her, but just enough to catch her attention. "Wait."

She stayed still, one hand on the armrest and a foot planted on the floor. She still seemed ready to flee, so Y/N tried to mitigate the awkwardness. What better way to start than with honesty?

"I do, by the way. I mean, I want to. To kiss you." A pregnant pause passed. "If you want to! O-only if you want to, I don't want to impose anything, I just wanted to--"

"Yes."

Another pause.

That actually came from Donna. It wasn't Angie speaking on her behalf to get it over with, it was her voice. It came from her.

"Yes?" They wanted to be sure.

"Yes. I... do too."

"Oh." They felt their mouth quirk up, relief starting to wash over. "Oh. Then..."

They moved closer to where Donna was now, approaching slowly as she started to relax again. She sat back down on the couch, clutching her doll close but keeping her still in her arms. Y/N settled right next to her and never took their eyes off her face. Their proximity to each other was nothing new at this point, they had cuddled more times than they can count, but suddenly their closeness made them feel those same butterflies in their stomach from the first time. It drew the line of want and anticipation.

Oh my god, this was happening.

They reached up to cup her cheek, thumb brushing against her skin. Their eyes locked with her dark gray ones, moving just a little closer, wanting to give her the opportunity to back away, but she stood (or rather, sat) steady.

"May I?" they whispered.

Donna didn't say anything, only letting her eyes slip closed as soon as she felt their breath ghosting over her lips, granting silent permission. They followed her lead and leaned in, finally closing the distance between them with a soft kiss.

Donna couldn't help the shiver that went down her spine as soon as they made contact, overwhelmed with emotion yet anchored by the feeling of their lips on hers. Everything she had read in those stories and seen on those shows about when two people who love each other finally, finally kiss? The culmination of their feelings and simultaneously the beginning of something new altogether? It was nothing like she imagined -- this felt so much more... magical.

As for Y/N, they never imagined it could be like this. Sure, they had thought about what it might actually feel like, how things might lead up, but those fantasies are now in shambles compared to the real deal. They felt like their senses were alight; the feeling of her warm lips, the scent of flowers on her person, the warmth of her body against theirs -- they were aware of all of it, and wanted nothing more than to commit this moment to memory. When they felt her lips move against theirs, it was a miracle that they hadn't melted into a puddle on the floor.

They felt her smile against their mouth, and at that point they had to pull away because they couldn't stop the laugh bubbling up inside them from escaping. The lady looked up at Y/N, smile widening. "What is it?" she asked softly.

"I'm just... so happy," they replied between giggles, wrapping their arms around her waist to pull her close. "I love you so much, Donna."

It was her turn again to be the bashful one. They only got a glimpse of how quickly her face turned pink before she proceeded to hide it against their shoulder, her hands clinging onto their shirt. “I... love you too, Y/N.”

If they were to name just one great thing that came out of all this, it was that they can’t wait to make her dizzy with kisses whenever they desired and watch her get flustered in real time.

It seemed Donna had the same idea though -- as soon as she lifted her head up again, she immediately lunged forward for a second kiss. She wrapped her arms around their neck and caught their lips in hers. Y/N returned the favor in kind, but the moment didn't last long -- interrupted by a high-pitched yelp. "Ow!"

"Sorry, Angie!" The lady broke off and tried to pick up the doll, only for her to bound back up and move away.

"Ah-ah, no! Keep going! I'll stay out of your hair," she insisted, floating out of the library to who knows where.

Donna looked back up at Y/N, embarrassed, though they didn't let her wallow for long and continued where they left off. They pulled her in for another passionate kiss, guaranteed to leave the both of them breathless and wanting more.

[euphoriic-dysphoria]

Blue hair - Bucky Barnes

Firs time posting something like this on Tumblr, I welcome constructive criticism, anything to make my writing better and easier to read. As long as you're not an ass about it.

Summary: you've wanted to dye your hair for sometime now, but you're too scared to do it all by yourself and it seems like a whole big thing now that you keep kinda wanna do with a friend. Yes I'm projecting😅😅

THERE MIGHT BE A PART TWO, NOT REALLY SURE YET.

Warnings ⚠️ : none, just extreme flustered bucky, whipped bucky, fluff ig yeah. Without further ado,

Bucky was falling for you. Hard. He fell more each and everyday, but somehow, you were either not into him at all, or painfully oblivious.

He said painfully, because everytime you expressed even the slightest discomfort, even if on the Quinjet you just couldn't fall asleep, bucky just had this inexplicable urge to suddenly bring you all the pillows in the world to make you happy and laugh and smile your beautiful smile.

Bucky wasn't stupid. He'd seen how smart you were on missions, and how fast you'd solved riddles to annoy Tony. You would never be oblivious to things like this. He'd long ago accepted that he was just gonna be a friend to you, of course that didn't stop him from daydreaming about you, or freezing up everytime you brushed your arm with his.

After all, some might assume what with bucky falling head over heels for you (literally, but that's a story for another time, including Sam and being at the beach) that you guys were probably best friends or at least pretty close. Nope. Bucky was embarrassed to say that you stole away all his old fashioned Brooklyn charm the minute you were in a 2 meter radius. He was so nervous he stumbled over his words and opted to just stay quiet and enjoy your presence.

Of course, you thought that bucky was just naturally shy, and well- akward. It never occurred to you that you were the cause of that shyness, but you didn't mind. You found it endearing and utterly adorable the way a pale pink would wash over his features, and brush across his nose.

Today, he was utterly relaxed, pink free, in his room in the Avengers tower, reading and trying to get the thought of you out of his mind. That was hard when abruptly a hard knock sounded at his door, and he was just about to turn around and ignore it, when he heard you mumbling and thinking outside. Supersoldierhearing

Closing his book, he straightened up and furrowed his brow, thinking as to why you'd be outside his room. He hoped everything was alright.

"buckkyyyyyyyy! Woa-hiya, how are YOU on this verrrry fine morning?" You stumbled into his room, bucky was so deep into his thoughts he wasn't aware he opened the door so suddenly, you almost fell in.

A whirlwind of chaotic energy, you recovered quickly and jumped about, before turning back to where bucky was frozen at his door.

You were only wearing a T shirt.

Now, it was 7 in the morning, and most of the avengers were well aware that you walked around in a t-shirt in the mornings, well, only Steve and Nat cause they were the only ones that woke up then. Normally, bucky wakes up earlier to do his run, and so by the time you wake up, he's showered and reading in his room.

Shaking his head a bit to uh, clear up his thoughts, he quietly trudged back to his bed, where you were sitting and excitedly bouncing up and down on.

You gave him a good morning half hug, as you were practically buzzing with energy.

Oh. That alone was more that enough to make Bucky's cheeks start to glow a dusty pink.

However, you were already setting up the boxes of hair dye on his night stand.

"ok. Alright buck, are you ready for maybe the most important decision of your lifetime?? Ahem-" Buckys eyes widened as you did a little drumroll, jiggling your thighs and bringing up your shirt a bit, but you were too absorbed in the boxes you didn't even notice.

In your best announcer voice, you looked at him and grinned. "Blue, or red?" Holding up each colour respectively.

Huh? Bucky was so focused on your smile he practically missed what you said, which would've been hella embarrassing.

"uh- I'm not- where is this coming from?" Bucky almost winced at his voice, coming out hoarse and deep.

With an angelic smile on your face a devil would fall for, you patiently explained the hair dye situation. You wanted to dye your hair. Check. You already bought the hair dye. Check. And last but not least, now you were waiting on one of your friends to reply to you about dying their hair too. This wasn't a demanding act, for you only hit up the people you knew also had wanted to dye their hair too.

"i-i uh whyreyaaskingme?" Oh god. Before Bucky had anytime to mentally smAcK himself for mumbling like that, you were already replying.

With a soft smile you said, "well of course I'm asking you buck, I don't think it's very nice to knock on people's doors at 7 in the morning unless they're awake, and Nat and Steve left together to get coffee. Plus, I trust your opinion, I'm sure you have an excellent sense of style." You teased, reminding him of the time he refused to wear a ridiculous suit that Tony had jokingly, not really, designed.

Buck sighed quietly, as you made your way to the bathroom to compare the colours. Ouch. It was never a nice feeling to know you had come to him out of necessity. Little did he know, you had earlier rushed Nat and Steve straight outta here, in attempts to build a closer bond with bucky. Those two just shared a smug little knowing look, before hightailing it right out of the tower.

Lost in his thoughts, bucky didn't realize you had stopped muttering to yourself about the hair colours.

It was quiet. Too quiet. In the bathroom, there was absolutely no sound.

Bucky frowned, making his way over, and knocked on the door.

"can-uh do you mind if I come in?" Bucky knocked.

The door creaked open, and Bucky peeked inside to find your dejected expression and little pouty lips as you sat on the edge of the sink counter, scrolling through your phone.

"hey- wh-whats wrong doll?" Aw jeez. Cut it out, he said firmly in his head. Stop stuttering, just talk to her like a normal person.

"you- wanna tell me why you're looking like a sad puppy down over here?" Bucky's breath hitches as he's in the middle of berating himself for comparing you to a puppy, when you finally look up and meet his eyes, droplets threatening to leak and break past your waterline.

Bucky's heart just about cracks at the sadness radiating off of you. As far as he knows, you of all people should never have to feel this sad. All nervousness forgotten, he quickly bends down and tilts your chin up, tenderly wiping away the tears that have now started their journey down your cheeks.

It's been 5 minutes of you and him, leaning against each other as he wipes away the quiet tears that keep replacing each other.

Finally, in a quiet voice, you explain. At first it was just the dissapointment of no one wanting to really dye their hair with you. But you understood. Really, it was early in the morning, and it was easy to see why people didn't wanna dye their hair right away, or at all even. You completely and totally respected them and their choices. But then, you thought, maybe they're annoyed at me. Maybe, they don't like me anymore. Maybe they wish I'd leave them alone. Maybe they'd be better off without me.

You were well aware you were spiralling, but after the negative thoughts started, it was hard to stop. You had anxiety of these types of things.

Countless times, Nat and Wanda had had to reassure your wanted presence and that the team did love you.

While you were explaining, Buckys arms slowly snaked around to embrace you, and put his chin on top of you head. He was sad, simply because you were.

But listening to your thought process made him realize that you were human too, and it opened his eyes to listen to your anxiousness, no matter how much it still hurt.

Uh oh. The feeling was coming back, tugging at bucky, eating him away, making him want to do anything to make you happier.

Tightening his arms around you one last time before releasing you, he blurted, "uh- I'll dye m-my hair."

Your eyes widened. A small smile slowly creeped onto your tear streaked face. "Yo-you'd do that f-for me?" You hiccuped.

Holy shit. Oh man. Bucky would've tattooed his face if it gave you that little glowing smile and hopeful face you were giving to him now.

"Oh doll. You wouldn't believe what I'd do for you."

PART TWO IS NOW UP

[exxay]

Spoiler Alert, Ptilopsis' voice in her head is a lot more deadlier than we thought

With the release of the Operator Modules, HG has taken a very interesting decision into how they want to incorporate them.

And of course, just like OD, they decided to fucking kill it.

Currently, we only have a translation of Ptilopsis' module, and holy hell there's a lot to dig into, so let's start sentence by sentence:

"If Originium really has the power to store information, then we can decrypt and translate, the whole Columbian scientific technique will soar again!"

"I reached a bottleneck. The current electronic calculation facilities are insufficient to deal with the complex amount of signals from Originium. I need a more suitable calculation device."

So basically, it all started with a researcher's revelation in that-an originium shard can act as a goddamn rtx3090+corsair memory module on steroids. And with it, send Columbia into a technological revolution. Except, they're trying to fit into a 16-bit cpu. So they needed a better one.

"Using humans to calculate?! This is a daring thought, I... need to consider the feasibility."

Love how instead of commenting on it's ethicality, the first thing they think of is "Can it work?", Just a small reminder of how inhumane Rhine Labs are.

"The creation of a human decryption system model has been completed. Now, we need an experimental subject with clear thought and quick reflexes. Best to have good understanding of calculators and data."

So the PC is built, now they just need a case for it, and it had to be a really good one to, they don't wanna waste it.

"The candidate has been selected. Experiment subject codename: Ptilopsis."

And lo and behold, why not choose the living computer herself?

"There is nobody else more suitable than her in the whole Rhine. Although the head suggested to conceal the experimental risks, but I still let her know about the various possibilities of the experiment. This is my duty as a citizen of Columbia, and as a person."

Showing just how amazing Ptilopsis, alongside another reminder of Rhine Labs' way of doing things. Don't let the little text about the person asking for their consent, if MuMu has shown us anything, for all we know Ptilopsis could have been "Convinced"/ But that's probably just an assumption, she could have very well thought that it was for the best.

"She agreed. She agreed! I just know, I just know she would agree! I didn't choose the wrong person!"

Then again, who really knows?

"The preliminary main points and operation procedure has been taught. She learns quickly. Tomorrow, the experiment will begin. I believe that we can embrace Columbia's future with open arms!"

"The experiment was very successful. Various data are within the controlled boundaries. As long as this pace is followed, a little, a little... No, no no no, it shouldn't be! Quick, quickly shut it down--"

Honestly, were we expecting anything less? Experiment was going amazingly right, until everything went horribly wrong.

"Emergency measures have been activated in time, but she still... received injury. The brain..."

And so comes into play, "The voice", more details further in.

"And Oripathy..."

No shit, infused originium shards? Didn't they learn from Ifrit? Or maybe, Ptilopsis came BEFORE Ifrit? Hmm, so many revelations.

"(Intermittent crying sounds)"

No idea whose these are, but most likely? It could be Ptilopsis herself, or maybe the researcher, they seemed to have more morals than we thought.

"The higher-up has already requested for resuscitation. But, but like this..."

Wait? Resuscitation? Holy shit did they send her into Clinical Death? Holy fuck. And what's with the hesitation? Was she gonna be even deader?

"It's my fault, it's all my fault..."

Yup, more morals than usual.

"According to the message that she received before, I made a chip that can be inserted into the human body. This thing should be able to replace some of the functions of her brain."

Ok wow, so, Ptilopsis, already knowing shit was gonna fuck up somehow (Thanks' Milo), asked to make a backup chip than be inserted to the human body. So that she'll still pull through, pretty hardcore.

Wait? Like the promotion chips? Does that mean the promotion chips are inserted into the operators we use? Or are they different chips?

"Some department heads laud this idea a lot, hmm, I know what they are thinking."

Oh, so if I'm interpreting this right, some -not all- of the heads in Rhine were against this, but obviously, not because of anything ethical mind you.

"The implantation worked. She had no reaction."

"She woke up! But some problems occurred... in her language abilities."

"Error Hase"

"She tells me, there is another voice in her mind. A voice that does not belong in the boundary of known language. This thing will put a heavy burden on her psyche."

"The pain can only be reduced by using a robotic language system."

Ahhh, the voice, just like how Ifrit has a "voice" in her head constantly arguing and vying control. But we all know that it isn't just a voice, it's a literal fucking ENTITY, so does that mean Ptilopsis also has her own entity she constantly holds back? And just like what she tells us in her third trust line.

According to Ptilopsis "It is, in fact, quite burdensome to speak in this manner. But this is a necessary measure to prevent the system nexus from being devoured by that other voice. Doctor, if I become rampant, please guide me back onto the right path."

Love how it shed's more light onto such a mysterious habit that i wanted to know of.

"She is the first living person in Columbia with an implanted chip. This is an achievement."

"But to her, the land is no longer the same."

Sad for Ptilopsis, she can't look at anything the same anymore, though overall this sheds some more light on her relationship with Silence. More at the end.

Wait a minute-

"I also implanted a chip in my brain. Now the wound still hurts a little. But I want to know, what change did the information from Originium bring to her."

Oh, oh no.

"That voice, what is it?"

OH NO

"I will repeat the experiment." --Rhine Lab, Unknown project leader, recorded.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Unknown Researcher whyyyyy, you were so close, you were so close to greatness!!!!

Anyways, "repeat" would imply that Ptilopsis is actually the original subject, meaning she was the first to be implanted with artificial originium shards, and sub sequentially, artificially infected.

This could also mean that Silence learns about Ifrit's existence through Ptilopsis, and then leading to the "Flame Demon Incident".

Ptilopsis considers Silence her closest friend and Savior, in fact, even being more than willing to participate in a "Secret Project" of hers, which she SHOULD be reporting to the higher ups instead. It could still be her being a bit rebellious instead of being close friends, but as she said.

"I met Dr. Silence at Rhine Lab. I provided big data analysis and risk evaluation for her on a secret project."

Hmm, more to think about.

Speaking of, whenever we think of the "Flame Demon Incident" we think of Saria, Silence and Ifrit, but what about Ptilopsis? Silence would have probably learned about it on her own since she was helping oversee the project, but how would she learn of the, ehem, "Less well known aspects." Though that's just speculation on my part

So much to think about, what about you? What do you think about it?

Personally? Call McDonalds cuz I'm McFUCKING LOVE IT

[forever-rogue]

In Name Only - Part 20

A/N: Hello, my sunshines! We’ve come to the second to last part. I hope you and enjoy and I think this is what we’ve been waiting for... As always, feedback and comments are welcome, and if you’d like to be tagged, let me know. xx

Pairing: Oberyn Martell x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 6k

Warnings: none

IN NAME ONLY SERIES MASTERLIST

MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

One Year Later

“Sunshine?” as soon as you heard his voice, a sense of panic settled into your bones as you quickly hid the items in your hands in the trunk beneath your bed. There was just enough time to push it back under the golden frame and obscure it with the blanket before jumping to your feet. 

Oberyn pushed open the door and poked his head in, a smile tugging on the corners of his mouth, “I was wondering where you were - the children told me they hadn’t seen you all morning save for a few moments at breakfast.”

“Indeed, they tell you the truth,” you agreed with a tight lipped smile and a raise of eyebrows, “I’ve been...quite busy.”

“Just what are you hiding, my dear wife?” he came into your shared chambers and shut the door behind him, crossing his arms over his broad chest with a look of amusement on his face. Mimicking his posture, you tried to put on a neutral expression before scoffing lightly at him.

“You are bold to assume something of that nature, dearest husband,” you swallowed the lump in your throat and tried not to steal a glance back at the trunk, “I have a household to help run, multiple children to keep after, and a husband that always seems to require my assistance. Has it ever occurred to you that I might be simply busy?"

"It has indeed," he took a step closer and rubbed his chin in mock thought, "but I also know that is not the case right now. What are you hiding, pretty girl?"

"Nothing," you insisted as he raised an eyebrow. He stepped even closer and put a finger under your chin and turned your face to meet his, "you're not playing fair now!"

"Am too," he whispered as he leaned close enough to brush his lips against yours, "it is not my fault you can't say no to me."

"Oberyn," you tried to be firm, you really did, but you were no match for your husband's charm. His large, warm hands found purchase onyour waist as he pulled flush against his body. Instinctively, your arms wrapped around his neck as you crashed your lips against his. 

And just as always, he kissed you like it was the first time, like he was still madly in love with you (he was, of course), like it was the only thing in life he craved. Kissing him always managed to be such a blissful, saccharine thing, and you never seemed to get enough, even when you were left breathless.

Reluctantly, you pulled back to catch your breath and rested your forehead against his. Oberyn, feeling ever so cheeky, stole a few more kisses, "are you going to tell me now? Come on, Sunshine."

"Nice try," you offered him one last kiss, as he playfully pouted, "you're not getting anything from me. And even if I was hiding something, my lips are sealed!"

"Sunshine-"

"Oberyn," you walked out of his delicate grasp and headed for the door, "let go of this silly notion! But for now, help me round up the children!"

"I will find out-"

"Umm…" the door to your chambers opened after a loud knock, followed by a nervous faced Asha, "I hope this isn't a bad time...I feel like I've always got the worst timing but I need you both to come with me…and before you ask, the children are all well...its ummm….just come with me. Quickly."

Exchanging a worried glance with Oberyn, you held out your hand, which he quickly took before the two of you followed after the young girl. She was practically flying to the kitchens, casting a look backwards here and there to make sure you were still following.

"Asha? Why such haste? Are you sure everything is alright?" you tightly squeezed your husband's hand as you tried to figure out what could possibly have happened. It hadn't been long since you'd left breakfast and gone to tend to your little project before Oberyn found you. It was hard to imagine what could have happened in the short amount of time.

"Its-"

Before she could another word, you could hear soft, insistent cries coming from the other end of the kitchen. Your hand fell from Oberyn’s as confusion muddled your features. He appeared just as confused and awestruck as you as the cries continued. 

“A baby?” you whispered as you turned to your husband momentarily. He shrugged, suggesting that he had no clue what was going on either. Turning back to Asha, you could see had paled lightly, “is that a baby? Who's had a baby...how? When?"

“Yes,” she whispered, reaching for your arm and dragging you into the kitchen. Your eyes immediately landed on a small, golden bundle all wrapped in a basket on the counter. Some small movement came from the blankets as the cries seemed to turn to soft coos, “i-it’s a newborn, I think anyway, he’s so tiny. Someone left him outside the delivery gates a little ago.”

“A newborn babe?” you asked softly before taking a step closer, wondering if it was the right thing to do, “did anyone see anything? Was there a note? Anything at all?”

“I’m afraid not...he was by himself,” she confessed, “i-it’s not uncommon...well in other parts of the kingdoms for mothers, or parents that can’t keep their babies for whatever reason to leave the newborn babes at the homes of those more fortunate, hoping they’ll take them in or find them a better home.”

“Has this ever happened before? Here?” you turned to look at Oberyn, who simply shook his head at you, “so there’s nothing as to his origins? He’s just...alone?”

“Yes,” she answered, “I just...I panicked and I didn’t know what to do. He's so small and he's going to need someone to care for me. S-should I....should he go to the orphanage?”

“No,” you answered quickly, surprising both of them in turn as they cast curious glances at you. Oberyn was already working at suppressing the grin that threatened to erupt on his features, “not yet, anyway. M-may I see him?”

“Of course,” she bowed her head lightly before stepping to the side, “I’ll get back to my duties. When you need me, let me know and I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

“Thank you,” Oberyn’s hand found your shoulder as you look at him with a worried expression on your face, “what’s wrong, my love?”

“Nothing,” you whispered, “not yet...it’s just...I can’t help but to worry about him....”

Walking over to the counter, you hesitantly looked into the sea of blankets and found a curious pair of brown eyes looking at you. His small pouty lips formed a blubbering smile as he flailed his little arms. A smile worked its way onto your face as Oberyn stood behind you, a hand settling on your hip, “he’s beautiful.”

“He is,” slowly, tentatively you reached hand towards him and stroked his little chubby cheek. He had a light shock of dark hair already, and you couldn’t help but think of Oberyn, “how old do you think he is?”

“I’d wager that he can’t be more than a month old,” Oberyn whispered as he looked down at the small boy, “he’s young, so small still.”

“Oberyn…” you looked at your husband with curious eyes, watching as he looked at the little boy in awe. He was still a stranger, but seemed to trust you already, as if he'd known the two of you before. His hand reached for your finger, curling around it in amusement.

“What are you thinking, Sunshine?” he whispered as he studied you in turn, “tell me.”

“I don’t want to send him to the orphanage….” you felt your eyes well up with the familiar sting of tears, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with a wash of emotions, “I...I don’t think we should.”

You looked at the small baby and your maternal instinct seemed to kick into the overdrive. You loved all of your children, and had enjoyed getting to call the twins your own for the last year, and forever more of course, but there was something about the opportunity to raise this baby that caused you some pause. It didn’t mean that you loved your children any less or anything of the sort, but it was just a different experience. Oberyn must have sensed what you were thinking because he reached up and tenderly cradled your face, stroking over your cheek, “we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“What if we...what if we kept him?” you whispered softly as he wiped away the tear that had pearled up and rolled down your cheek, “what if there’s a reason someone left him here - if he was meant to find us? We could raise him as our own...I know it’s a lot, Oberyn, but I think we could do it…”

“As I have always said, I’ve found that things always work out how they’re supposed to, that they play out as they were intended to,” he agreed gently, “perhaps there is a reason we were lucky enough to be the ones to find him. There is always more room in our family for another member, more than enough love to give. You are a wonderful mother, and any child would be lucky to call you theirs. I love you more than you will ever know.”

“Oberyn…” the corners of your mouth quivered in a teary eyed smile, “I love you so much. There is no one better I could have ever asked for - not a better friend, father, husband, or lover.”

He leaned in and pressed gentle kisses to your forehead, cheeks, and only stopped at your lips, gently brushing his against yours. But before you could steal a final kiss, your ears were met with a few gentle, excited sounding coos from the basket. Pausing for a moment, the two of you broke into a fit of giggles. Oberyn pressed a kiss to the side of your heading before nodding towards the baby. 

Turning back to him, you slowly reached into the basket and picked him up, holding him securely in your arms before bringing him to your chest and gently rocking him. Once he calmed down and stopped squirming, you cradled him so you could get a better look at him. He was a chubby little thing, so young and new still, but his eyes were already so bright and curious. There was something about the way he looked at you and wrapped his hand around your index finger that made your heart melt and you knew that you were making the right decision.

“He’s lovely,” you said softly, “we’re going to need a name for him, Oberyn. We can’t just call him...him.”

“Priorities, priorities,” he chuckled as you stuck your tongue out at him, “I think I will leave that up to you, my Sunshine. Whatever you come up with will be perfect. Just like you and our family.”

“Not perfect,” you slowly, ever so gently, passed the baby to him, letting the Prince get to hold his new son for the first time. Ever the expert, he had the little one nestled in his arm in no time; the sight was enough to make you want to cry all over, “not perfect, but filled with a lot of love and good things. Just like this.”

“Just like this,” he agreed with a small smile, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Oh Nym - no, no, no, my love,” your eyes winded in panic as you watched your son clutch at the robe you had abandoned for a few moments. He looked back at you with wide, innocent eyes as he giggled and waved his chubby little fists. You walked back over and pulled the almost six month into your lap as you released his grasp on the fabric, “silly little one, that’s for your Papa! Can’t go on slobbering all over it just yet - that’ll be after we give it to him!”

You wrapped the delicate, silken fabrics back up before tucking them back into the trunk at the foot of the bed. After almost six months of work, six months of slow labor, your Name Day gift for Oberyn was finally ready. You were glad you’d had enough forethought to start planning for it so early and make sure you would have it ready in time. Scooping the babbling baby back into your arms, you set him on your hip as you left your chambers. The sounds of laughter and screaming children had been pouring in loudly from the gardens, and you could spy that they were setting up for Oberyn’s name day celebration. 

“Let’s go find your brother and sisters,” you grinned as you kissed the top of his head; he already had a mop of curls starting that surely would rival Oberyn’s one day, “everyone should be here soon, and your Papa will be back just in time for his big celebration!"

Ever the cunning planner, you’d arranged for Doran and Oberyn to attend to business outside of Sunspear for the last couple of days. And luckily for you, Oberyn hadn’t suspected a thing; you’d never sneaked around in such a manner before and on top of it all, Doran had easily gone along with your little ploy. He’d promised to keep his lips sealed and offered to help however you needed. Luckily, between yourself, Ellaria, and all the children, it had practically been a breeze to plan it all. It was a privileged thing, you realized, to be surrounded by such love and generosity, but you always took full advantage of it all. 

“Mama!” Saria’s excited voice reached your ears as soon as she ran up to you and wrapped her arms around your waist, “did you see all the people? There’s so many people all here for Papa!”

“And you, and your brothers and sisters,” you promised her, gently ruffling her dark curls, “have you all been helping getting everything set up?”

“Mhmm,” she nodded eagerly, “and so many berries and fruits! Papa always shares with me, do you think he will this time too?”

“Of course, my sweetest little bee,” you promised, “your Papa would give them all to you if that’s what you wanted. And before you ask - of course he’ll share cake with you and everyone else too!”

“Yay,” she clapped her hands as she jumped up and down.

“My love,” Ellaria smiled warmly at the two of you before putting her hands on Saria’s shoulders, “why don’t you go and find your brother and sisters and all get changed for the big party? I expect that all of you will be clean and dressed before the sun starts to set? Do you think you can do that for us?”

“Of course,” she adopted a serious expression before displaying a wide, gap toothed grin, “I’ll go and get everyone ready!”

You looked at Ellaria and offered a thankful smile before moving a silent thank you at her. She shot a quick wink before holding her arms to you to relieve you of the baby in your arms. You kissed the top of Nymeros’ dusting of curls before passing him to Ellaria.

“He grows more handsome everyday,” she cooed at him as she peppered his cheeks in kisses, “and you - more beautiful every day. Motherhood suits you, it has always suited you, sweet girl. You’ve really become the backbone of this household. Seeing how he is now, I don’t know how Oberyn survived without you.”

“I think my husband has managed quite well without me,” you laughed lightly, “I just help him remain more organized and on track. It’s not much, but I think we’ve fallen into a nice routine.”

“I’ve never seen him better than with you,” Ellaria insisted as he bounced the baby on her hip, “he’s madly in love with you, you do realize that right?”

“Ellaria...you...I’m not you, and I know it doesn’t matter, but I think about that sometimes,” you admitted softly, brushing your hand over the linen cloth on one of that tables that was slowly becoming laden with food, “not in a bad way, but I...I’ll never be you.”

“Exactly,” she simply smiled at you, putting her hand on top of yours, “that’s what he loves about you. We had many happy years together, sweet girl, and we share daughters that we love more than anything. We were in love back then, but that was a different time and we were different people back then. But you are the one he’s in love with, not me. And that’s okay, you must always remember that. His heart belongs to you, and yours to his. Just like it was meant to be. You have never seen the way he looks at you, when you’re not looking at him. I’ve never seen him look at anyone that way before. And don’t even try to argue with me - I know him better than anyone...except for you of course.”

“I love him madly as well,” you bit your lip shyly as you caught her eye, “he’s...everything to me. He’s given me so much and I can only hope to mean a fraction to him of what he means to me.”

“You mean everything to him,” she insisted softly, “trust me.”

Before you could say anything, a loud commotion wandered into the courtyard as you turned around to find Oberyn standing there with a surprised look on his face. 

“Speak of the devil,” Ellaria nudged you lightly in his direction as his eyes found you, “go to him, sweet dove.”

“Oberyn,” you practically beamed as you dashed over to him, throwing yourself into his outstretched arms, “my moon and stars, you’re home!”

“Sunshine,” he grinned as he effortlessly picked you up and spun around before pressing a hungry kiss to your lips, “I’ve missed you.”

“It’s only been a few days,” you grinned at him “could you really have missed me that much?”

“Of course,” he whispered softly, “what’s all this then? So much commotion and calamity...I daresay I believe you have been up to something.”

“And you, dear husband,” you gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze,”are home much earlier than expected. Of course you’ve come along and ruined your little surprise. Ever the perfect timing, my love.”

“What surprise?” he raised his eyebrows as you sighed and nodded in jest.

“Don’t play coy with me, Oberyn Martell,” you playfully pushed him, “it’s your Name Day celebration, my love. So I suppose I should just say it now, Happy Name Day! I love you more than you will ever know.”

“You’ve planned all of this for me?” he asked in awe as you nodded lightly, “it’s just a Name Day.”

“Your Name Day,” you insisted as you grabbed the front of his lapels before kissing him deeply, “and I wanted to do something special for you. The children helped me plan it of course. They’re been eager for so long...let’s just say that we’ve been planning this for months. Forty-five is something to celebrate, Oberyn!”

“You make me sound so old,” he teased as he wrapped his arms around you and held you against him. You scoffed lightly before laughing at him as he peppered you in kisses, “I love you so much, my Sunshine. Thank you for this, truly. I couldn’t imagine anything better.”

“I would do it a million times over to see that smile, even if it would be once more,” you promised as Ellaria walked over to you. As soon as little Nym saw his father, he blubbered excitedly and made grabby hands at him. Oberyn’s face lit up as he reached for his son and clutched him tightly to his chest, but not before kissing him and cooing at him softly.

“Hello love,” Ellaria pressed a kiss to his cheek, “you’re looking well. We’ve all missed you.”

“Ellaria,” he bowed his head at her, “radiant as ever, and ever the welcome sight. Thank you for coming.”

“I wouldn’t dream of missing it,” she insisted, “we’re family, Oberyn. We always will be. Now why don’t you two go and get dressed and get ready for the celebration. I’ll handle the rest of the preparations.”

“Come on then, my little love,” he brushed his nose gently against Nym’s before reaching for your hand, “come on, my Sunshine. Let us go and get dressed. We have a party to attend it seems!”

»»————-　♡　————-««

You were sat at Oberyn’s right hand side, watching as everyone carried on chattering happily as they ate and drank and danced to music. It had been a long feast and the children were slowly growing tired and weary; Oberyn had Alistar and Loreza on his lap as he told them all sorts of stores, while Nym slept soundly in your arms and Dorea was on your lap. The others were running around and dancing. His hand held yours almost the entire time, fingers brushing over your soft skin, a reassuring squeeze here and there. It was a glorious thing to watch him, so animated and happy as he chatted away with the children and everyone that stopped by to bless him. 

He was handsome as ever, his dark curls adorned with a simple golden circlet that glittered in the firelight, a never ending smile on his face, and a lovely twinkle in his chocolate eyes. A few times he had caught you simply staring, and mouth a quiet what? to which you’d simply responded with a small nothing. He was wearing new robes of golden and bronze, cut and tailored exactly to his proportions and complimenting him perfectly. It was hard to believe that you were just as in love with him now as you had been back when you first started falling for him. 

Before the night could get too far gone, you handed the children off to Arianne, who was more than happy to be of assistance. Standing to your full height, you picked up the knife and slowly tapped against your wine goblet to make enough noise to gather everyone’s attention. It wasn’t long before all eyes turned to you and you reached for Oberyn’s hand, delicately taking it in yours. The way he looked back at you was enough to make you melt then and there.

“First of all, I want to thank you all for graciously accepting my invitation to come here and celebrate my husband’s Name Day with us,” you bowed your head slightly at the multitude of guests that were milling about the table and courtyard, “although I’m sure that no one needed an excuse to drink and have fun.”

After a bit of laughter, you leaned down and pressed a kiss to Oberyn’s soft lips; he responded as he normally did, by gently pulling you into him and letting your touch linger. After a moment, you playfully swatted his hands away, realizing that all eyes were still on you.

“Anyways,” you smirked at him, “I want to thank you all for coming and I want to give the biggest thank you of all to my husband, Oberyn Nymeros Martell. You are the love of my life, my best friend, my partner, and the best father to our children. A few years ago I could not have imagined this life - a life filled with so much laughter, love, adventure, and joy. You have given me everything I could have imagined and more. I never thought it was possible to love someone so much that it still manages to take your breath away every time - until you. I know things aren’t always perfect between us - we’re both stubborn and bullheaded at times, but there is no one else I’d rather spend my days with than you, no one I’d rather go to bed with in the evening. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you in return. And on this, the happiest of name days, I wish you nothing but happiness and many, many more to come, my moon and stars.”

By the end, you were speaking only to him, your eyes locked on yours as you spied his glistening with a few tears. He took your hand in his and pressed a gentle kiss to your knuckles, “and to my lovely wife - a big thank you.”

“Cheers,” you raised your wine glasses and took a long drink of it. You motioned for everyone to restart their festivities as you sat back down next to him and he pulled you closer to him, “happy Name Day, my love."

»»————-　♡　————-««

"I think he's finally asleep," you whispered as you looked in the small crib that was across your chambers, where Nym was finally sleeping. He'd been fussy all evening and getting him down was a challenge, but miraculously you'd managed. Stroking his little you cheek, you grinned at him, "good night, my little love."

Oberyn was already posted up in bed, watching you with interest as you flounced back over and dove under the bed, "what are you up to?"

"I'm afraid I have one more surprise for you," you pulled the trunk out from under the bed and slowly opened. You bit the inside of your cheek before grinning at him, "its nothing much, but I hope you like it."

Standing up slowly, you displayed the sunset orange robe that you'd spent months working on. It was embroidered with golden suns and snakes, along with a few bees here and there, but the touch you cared about the most was the smallest detail. On the inside of the lapels you had sewn each of his children's names, starting from oldest to youngest. 

"Sunshine," his breath hitched in his throat as he slipped out of bed and over to you, "did you make this?"

"I did," you grinned as he took the robe and gently ran his fingers over the delicate fabric, "I've been working on it for some time...you've almost caught me several times! What do you think? You don't have to wear it if you don't fancy it of course."

He quickly cut you off by pressing a gentle kiss to your lips, one hand on the back of your head as he held you close, "I love it. It's beautiful - this is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. I can't believe you'd do this all for me."

"I wanted to," you promised, "besides, what do you get a Prince that has everything? Look at the lapels...personally they’re my favorite part.”

And so he did, slowly running his finger over the dainty gold embroidery that spelled out each of his children’s names, starting with Obara and ending with Nymeros. He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat before turning back to you. His mouth opened and closed a few times before finally managed to come up with some words, “this is amazing. I will treasure this in my heart forever, just like you. I don’t think there are quite the right words to thank you for this, or adequately convey how I’m feeling.”

“A simple thank you was more than good enough,” you promised as you stroked his cheek tenderly, “I would do anything to see that smile grace your features, my love. I wanted you to have something special, just for you. I’m so glad you like it. I love you more than you know, Oberyn.”

He was silent as he took your hand and pressed a kiss to your palm and pulled you into him. How easily you molded against his body, just like you had been made to fit there. He rested his head on your shoulders as you played with the curls at the nape of his neck. He hummed in content as you held him, lightly swaying with him in your arms. 

“I have a small surprise for you too,” he whispered when he pulled back and you offered him a lot of curiosity. This was supposed to be about him, but of course, he’d find some way to make it about you too - that was the beauty of Oberyn Martell. He gave and gave and gave and asked for so little in return.

“Oberyn! You absolutely should not have! It’s your day, not mine,” he offered up a cheeky shrug before walking back over to his bureau, gently playing down the robe, and reaching into the top drawer, quickly pulling out something that glinted brilliantly in the candle light, “Oberyn?”

“I had these made,” he opened up his large hand to display a small necklace, intricately designed from the look of the gold and silver. As you reached up to touch them, you realized it was a sun and moon, perfectly nestled together, “sun and moon - a perfect balance and harmony. When we’re together, they’ll be together, but even when we’re apart, we’ll have a piece of each other.”

“You are a fool,” you whispered as a few tears welled up in your eyes and threatened to spill over, “an absolute fool of a man. But I am madly in love with you. You had these made?”

“I did,” he laughed lightly at the sweet look on your features, “just for you - and for me.”

You ran a hand over the pendants, admiring the craftsmanship of them; they were small but so well made and it was easy to see how much love and effort went into them. When you met his eyes, he motioned for you to turn around. Knowing exactly what his intention was, you lifted your hair and let him clasp the small moon around your neck. It set perfectly, and left warm against your skin. You took the other one and repeated the motions on him, but wrapped your arms around his waist once you were finished and pressed a few kisses to the bare skin of his shoulder, “I can’t believe you did this. There are some days that I still think this must all be some sort of wild fever dream. Surely in no life did I ever do anything to deserve you.”

“I assure you, it’s all very real,” he promised, taking a hand and bring it to the spot just above his heart while you listened to its steady beating, “do you hear how it beats so? It beats only for you. Do you feel how it calls for you? My Sunshine - even on the darkest days you bring light into my life. I would do anything for you. You are my heart, my home, my family - everything.”

“Oberyn,” a few tears had rolled on his golden skin and he quickly moved to wipe them away, “I…”

“At no point did I think I would fall in love with this wild, young girl that seemed to heed no one,” he admitted as he cradled your face, “never did I expect you to love a man like me. Two very different people from different worlds, so alike and so different. But then I saw that smile and heard that laugh and I knew that I was a goner then and there. You proved yourself so kind and gentle with such an open and pure heart, so different from this hardened and weary man. But I knew I could never force anything you did not want upon you, you did not deserve that. If this had been in name only forever, then I could have lived with that, albeit less happily, but getting to call you my wife would have been a privilege either way. I do not know if words could ever be an accurate summation of exactly how much you mean to me.”

“No?” you asked softly as you looked at him with trembling lips from your efforts not to cry completely, “because they’re pretty damn good. How am I supposed to compete with that? It’s your Name Day and yet you are the one whispering such honeyed words to me. I do not...Oberyn, my love...I...every day with you, even our worst days, days we might argue or not agree on everything, are the best days because I have you by my side. You have shown me nothing but love and compassion and...everything since the day we met. I couldn’t ask the gods, the universe, whatever it is, for a better person. I will love you until the end of time, in this lifetime and the next.”

“Those words are pretty good too,” he kissed your forehead, “I mean, they could use a little tweaking, but they’ll do.”

“Oberyn!” you broke into a fit of giggles before clapping your hands in amusement, “very well, my love. You must feel very proud of yourself for that.”

“It’s up there,” he agreed, “but I meant it - every word of it.”

“I know,” you bit your lip and nodded, nuzzling your nose against his, “I know. Why don’t we-”

Before you could say anything else, the sound of a few soft cries met your ears and you both turned to look at the cradle. 

“Go on into bed,” he gave your bum a pat, “I’ll get him settled down.”

“Bring him,” you insisted as you slipped under the soft blankets. Oberyn quickly made his way across the room and had Nym resting again his chest as he made his way back. While you definitely had a way with your son, Oberyn was like a magic charm; no matter how fussy or upset the baby was, he always managed to get him settled down in time. 

“There we are,” he got in next, resting against the headboard as the Nym slept on his warm, tan chest, and you instantly wrapped yourself around him. It was hard to imagine that so much of your heart, so much of your world, was right there, within two people, “alright, Sunshine?”

“Yes,” you promised softly, gently resting a hand on Nym’s back, “I’m perfect.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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