#it is at these times that I wish I had more detailed understanding of Chinese history and literature...

[lily-blue]

13 reasons why | reason no.11: the baristas can speak numerous languages

☆ characters: barista!junhui & foreigner!you (Zhixiao - ‘98 liner) ☆ genre: coffee shop au, humour, angst ☆ summary: you like that Junhui always speaks his mind around you when he thinks you don’t understand the words he’s saying because those times he makes it obvious that your feelings are reciprocated; however, what starts out as an innocent lie - a harmless albeit intentional omission of truth - almost ruins your chance for a happy ending ☆ words: 8,7k ☆ taglist: @dat-town​,@soobin-chois​

➼ chapter index

Even though you liked your personal space and had no problem having fun on your own, you were a great friend. An amazing, attentive friend, really. Someone who might have called her loved ones out on their ridiculous behaviour, but supported them nonetheless, because at the end of the day, you were a firm believer that even a seemingly horrible idea could have put people on the right path - on the path that led them exactly where they were supposed to be.

Thus, for those who knew you, it came as no surprise that you had willingly relocated your study sessions with your best friend from the uni library to a downtown coffee shop just because her new boyfriend worked there as a manager. With how extremely busy Yuri could get due to her teacher assistant and substitute high school literature teacher duties and her two majors out of which one required a well-written thesis paper by the end of the year, you understood her need to at least see Wonwoo while you were working on your assignments and quizzing each other for upcoming tests. Especially because they weren’t one of those cringe couples who couldn’t keep the PDA at the bare minimum around their single friends. In fact! If you had had time to give it a serious thought, you would have realised that you had never seen them sharing anything more than the chastest, softest, shortest kisses when you were around.

They were definitely more subtle with their stolen glances, too, than you, who were openly ogling at Junhui whenever his shifts aligned with your weekly study sessions. It was both surprising and unsurprising that he hadn’t noticed your interest in him yet, but you supposed that his obliviousness was somewhat charming, and you were also too busy for a serious relationship. As much as you hated Yuri’s asshole ex-boyfriend for dumping her in public, you knew you wouldn’t have been able to settle for those baby steps they were taking with Wonwoo. Hence, at the start of your university career, you had promised yourself that you wouldn’t have committed until after graduation, and you were adamant to keep yourself to your word.

Still, as you were witnessing another female customer chuckling by the counter at something that the Chinese barista told her, you couldn’t have helped but wish that he would have been still single when the right time finally came. Otherwise, he would be your one that had gotten away.

‘Have you finished your research analysis? Mine is getting way too long,’ Yuri’s question pulled you out of your head, forcing you to tear your gaze away from the customer who took way too long in the line, making the people behind her visibly fidgety.

‘My analysis?’ You asked, holding onto those pieces of information your brain had actually managed to register, although you didn’t stress over whether your best friend had caught you red-handed or was unaware of your growing dislike towards the giggly girl.

With furrowed eyebrows, Yuri nodded.

‘I still have two entire aspects to explain in detail, but I’m almost there. They shouldn’t take up more than three, three and a half pages,’ you said, quickly checking your notes and the progress you had made in the last two hours. Admittedly, you had always had a problem with word and page count requirements despite your major - you were a zealous journalist-to-be in the making -, but somehow working on your thesis paper came easily. Maybe, because for the first time since you had become a student, your options were plenty: you had been allowed to choose your own topic, your own consultant, your own research methods. Unlike many, you loved every second of the journey.

‘But are you within the required number of pages? I think I need to get back to a few points and delete a few sentences,’ the girl frowned, tapping on her keyboard and clicking with her mouse vehemently. ‘Or entire paragraphs.’

Well that… that made you jut out your bottom lip a little. You made grabby hands at her over the table that you shared under the coffee bean sticker.

‘Come on! Give me that laptop. I’m sure it’s not half as bad as you make it to be,’ you reassured her and took the device from her when she lifted it over your empty plates.

First, with an easy keyboard combination, you checked how close she was to the maximum number of pages, then skimmed through the paragraphs, paying more attention to those that looked massive at first glance. Fortunately, she didn’t have many of them. You managed to get rid of almost an entire page of word vomit in half an hour without damaging the core value of the paper.

Unruly locks falling into your face, you were chewing on your cheeks from the inside when a soft thud made you look up from the screen.

‘I’m sorry,’ Junhui said before he quickly repeated his apology in Chinese, so that you could understand as he was still under the impression that you didn’t speak the local language. In his defence, you had never bothered correcting his assumption, but that was because some things were simply too entertaining to purposely put an end to them. ‘Your cup was empty for a while now and you work so hard,’ he rambled before he pointed at the freshly made mocha next to your notes that you had never ordered.

His thoughtfulness made you feel warm.

‘Thank you, I haven’t even noticed it honestly. It’s really nice of you,’ you offered a smile that turned into an amused chuckle when not even ten seconds later, Wonwoo walked up to your table with a glass of iced coffee on a metal tray. You wondered who had stolen the idea from whom.

‘I…’ Junhui started, unconsciously giving in to his nervous habit when he cracked his knuckles one by one methodically. You wished you could have put your hand on his to stop him from further damaging his joints.

‘Would you like some pastries, too, girls? A sandwich?’ Surprisingly, it was the always quiet Wonwoo who broke the silence, his question attentive albeit business-like. He sounded more like the manager of the place than your best friend’s boyfriend, although it was true that the former would have taken your money for the snacks, while one look at the boy’s rose-tinted cheeks and shy smile was enough for you to know he meant them as freebies.

Your eyes met Yuri’s and you wiggled your eyebrows a few times before your gaze slid to the Chinese barista, then to her boyfriend. You prodded your best friend in the shin with your foot to make sure she understood your silent request.

‘Do you still have one of your chicken-avocado sandwiches, Wonwoo-yah? She’d really love to try it,’ she assisted you, so that you could live with the opportunity even though you could have afforded your own food. It was nice to get special treatment every once in a while even if you knew it was all thanks to Yuri who - unlike you - politely declined the offer. ‘I’m still full from those donut balls with lemon custard, but thank you. Tell Mingyu, they were delicious. I really enjoyed them.’ She smiled at the boy, then helped him collect your empty plates while you were busy observing the small changes in Junhui’s facial expressions.

The barista seemed more lost than flustered by the time Wonwoo left and your best friend took her laptop back from you.

‘Can I help you with something?’ You inquired with your chin resting on the back of your hand, completely disregarding Wonwoo’s confused look when you addressed his friend in his native language instead of Korean.

You wondered whether you had noticed his reaction because he was standing in your line of sight or his emotions were oozing out of him for everyone to see. However, Junhui made no sign of acknowledging Wonwoo’s bewilderment, hence you guessed it was all in your head. That, or the boy was the most oblivious person you had ever had the pleasure or misfortune to encounter. One day, you would definitely need to sit down with him and talk to him about his total lack of situational awareness and its dangers in today’s society.

‘With something?’ He asked, scratching his nape and you suck in your lower lip to keep your urge to laugh aloud at bay. You didn’t intend to embarrass him more than how awkward he must have already felt. ‘No. No, thank you. I… I think I should, yeah. Go back, you know?’ He rambled and you nodded along his every word, endeared.

‘Yeah, it’s a busy afternoon, isn’t it? I’m sure Yeseo would appreciate the help at the counter,’ you agreed without checking how many people were standing in the line to get their order from the girl. It didn’t matter. Agreeing with Junhui and soothing his nerves at the same time didn’t hurt anyone even if you had already seen afternoons much busier with only one barista standing behind the coffee machine.

‘Good luck with your assignment,’ he lifted his fists for a “hwaiting” before he slowly turned his back to you and rushed back to work.

‘You should tell him you speak Korean. You clearly make him nervous,’ your best friend said with a disapproving shake of her head that you ignored on purpose. It wasn’t like you were straight out lying into the boy’s face or hurting him intentionally. Not to mention that it hadn’t been you who had addressed him in Chinese first. It was all on him that he had never asked you whether you were speaking the local language to any extent in which case you would have come clean right away.

‘You think he’s nervous to speak in his native language?’ You raised a brow in amusement, her boyfriend’s temporary absence not registering in your mind until Wonwoo came back to your table with a chicken-avocado sandwich on a porcelain plate.

You thanked him for the food with a small bob of your head and a bright smile.

‘He’ll feel stupid when he realises,’ Yuri frowned, her argument quiet, but impactful. It made you frown, too, so you bit into your sandwich and used it as an excuse to prolong the silence. You knew that your best friend was only trying to look out for you and Wonwoo’s friend, and you were also aware that she hated confrontations. These were your main reasons for not letting your hurt get the best of you and saying something you might have instantly regretted in the next second.

‘How are the kids in your class? Any crazy stories these days?’ You asked between two bites, diverting the topic as soon as you swallowed down the first one. Considering how tired your friend’s sigh sounded, you supposed she wasn’t too happy about your choice, but she played along nevertheless for which you were grateful.

You would talk about Junhui another day.

Rationally speaking, you were well aware that pulling two all-nighters in a row because of your upcoming exams, piled-up assignments and the last-minute editing of your thesis made you more sensitive to a lot of things including noises and lights, but you still thought that you were being followed. The fact that the street lights made every stranger, who was taller than you, look sharper and more dangerous didn’t help at all. Your heart was hammering in your throat.

You were on your way home from a long study session with a few of your classmates for a group project, mentally cursing yourself for leaving your powerbank in your other backpack, when you became aware of the rhythmic sound of a pair of sneakers coming from behind you. It was super unnerving because usually the streets in downtown were loud enough to shut out individual noises, but this time it was as if your entire being was hyper fixated on the loud thud, thud, thud that resembled your own speeding up steps. Could it have been all in your head?

You were too freaked out to look over your shoulder and check it.

If you had been studying in the university library, you would have taken the metro to get back to your apartment, as you lived three minutes from the closest station, but since one of the guys had wanted to be able to eat snacks during your brainstorming session, you had opted for a quieter bubble tea and coffee shop where you knew the owner wouldn’t have sent you away to make more space for new customers. When your nervous eyes landed on the lit up windows of Coffee Carat, you had never been happier that Freefall was so close to Wonwoo’s workplace or that you had to walk in that direction to get home.

Resisting your fight or flight response and the growing urge to just hold onto your tote bag and run for your life, you did your best to stay as calm on the outside as possible. You didn’t want the person who was very likely following you to know you were onto them. Who knew what kind of reaction that would have triggered in them.

Your hand was trembling like a damned leaf in the autumnal wind when you finally reached the familiar double door and instead of walking past it, you pushed it open urgently. Your legs almost gave out when it closed shut behind your back, shielding you from the outside world.

You didn’t know how long you had been blocking the entrance before someone walked up to you, but you flinched without meaning to when the person touched your upper arm ever so gently.

‘Hey. Is everything alright?’ Wonwoo’s voice reached your ears from under heavy layers of water, and you nodded, forcing yourself to look him in the eyes.

‘I’m just…’ you started. Admittedly, you weren’t sure whether it would have been a good idea to tell him what had chased you into their shop so late. Not because you were afraid of his opinion of you in case you were seeing things due to sleep deprivation, but because you would have bet your life on it that it would have gotten back to Yuri, and you didn’t want to worry her. ‘I’ve just had a group meeting nearby and still have some school stuff to work on at home, so I came by for a cup of coffee. To re-energize,’ you said.

‘Okay,’ Wonwoo replied with a curt nod; however, it was clear as day that he didn’t believe you. It didn’t matter. At least he was considerate enough not to push for details. ‘Coffee to go? Or would you like to finish it here? Rest a little before going?’ He asked and you gulped, pushing down the urge to look outside the window to check whether the person who had been following you was still lingering nearby.

‘Yeah, a break sounds nice. Thanks,’ you agreed easily and you both walked up to the counter without engaging into a more meaningful conversation.

Even though Wonwoo made it clear that he would prepare your order out of turn, you insisted that you could wait for yours just like any other customer, then stood in line with a faux smile on your face. Having three people in front of you meant more justified minutes to stay in the building. It meant more time for your hypothetical follower to get bored and leave.

Deep in your thoughts, you didn’t pay much attention to your surroundings until it was your turn to order, but looking up from your sneakers, you lifted your head just in time to see as Junhui pushed Minghao aside, so he could take your order instead. In his defence, the action would have been pretty subtle if it hadn’t been for him saying:

‘Go away! We’ve already talked about this. I’ll take her order!’

You bit into your cheek from the inside to swallow down a chuckle. He was so dumb, but so adorable.

‘Man. You’re embarrassing yourself,’ Minghao retorted with a deadpan expression and rolled his eyes for good measure right before his girlfriend pulled him towards the sink where they hand-washed the dirty plates, cups, glasses and mugs.

Junhui sent a bright albeit awkward smile in your direction.

‘What can I get for you?’ He asked in Chinese and you chose a random item from their menu with one of the desserts that was sold for half of its original price due to how close they were to closing the place. The strawberry daifuku looked too good to let it go to waste even if you knew from Yuri that the owner always gave the leftovers to his employees and friends.

Once you put your hands on the sweets and your extra large salted caramel macchiato, you chose an empty table close to the windows and took a sip from the drink. A rational part of you, that was aware that you should have caught up on some sleep that night, doubted it did you any good, but hell, it tasted delicious.

The less daifuku remained on your plate, the more content you felt, but it wasn’t the same as if you had been suddenly freed from the anxiety. You still kept looking outside the window, following every pedestrian with your eyes and focusing on the darker areas of the park that separated Coffee Carat from Freefall. It was ridiculous because you didn’t actually need to go near the trees to get home, but still. The greenery you liked so much in this neighbourhood made you feel nervous for the first time in your life.

Maybe, you should have asked for something without caffeine or less sugar.

‘Hey… are you like, uhm, waiting for someone?’ Junhui’s question came from beside you and you almost dropped your mug because of how unaware you were of your own surroundings. It was almost comical, how the roles had gotten reversed for a second.

‘What do you mean?’ You asked, genuinely confused by his assumption. With whom would you have met at a coffee shop after 9PM? For late-night dates, you much preferred diners and underrated restaurants where you could learn about the other person’s taste, too, not just their personality, which could be faked more easily.

‘It’s just that you keep staring outside and I was thinking. I didn’t mean to be rude, maybe it’s not my business, I mean, it’s definitely not my business. But we’re closing in ten minutes,’ he informed you and you looked down at your watch with eyes wide like saucers. You hadn’t realised it was already 9:50PM.

9:51PM.

‘I’m sorry. I’ll speed up and leave. Thanks for the reminder,’ you said with a smile, another one that felt more genuine that it should have been considering the whirlpool of emotions in your belly. Or were those butterflies? This thought only turned your grin wider.

Junhui nodded and turned his back to you just to turn back around again, not even a heartbeat later.

‘No, but… are you okay? Can I help you with something?’ He asked, a bit unsure yet clearly determined to get the truth out of you. You contemplated how pathetic it would have sounded if you had admitted that you were suddenly afraid of the dark; that you were unsure whether there was a monster waiting for you outside or it was only in your head because you didn’t take good care of yourself these days.

On most days, you didn’t give a damn about other people’s opinion of you. You liked to think that you had thick skin that allowed you to live a carefree, unapologetic life at least in this aspect. However, sitting by the window, sipping on your salted caramel macchiato, you felt unusually vulnerable. Still, instead of annoying, the question felt nice when it came from Junhui. Obviously, you had nothing against Wonwoo, either, he was a sweetheart, but he wasn’t your person.

You looked around in the customer area, acknowledging that there were only three other girls in the shop and that most of the empty tables were already cleaned.

‘Do you have some time to sit with me?’ You asked and he nodded immediately, jumping on the opportunity like an excited puppy despite trying his best to remain collected. At moments like this, you had a hard time believing that he wasn’t off the market already, that Junhui was seriously single when he was a green flag on two legs.

‘Of course, I have,’ the barista claimed before whispering under his nose in Korean: ‘I always have time for you.’ 

You decided to file that piece of information away for another time and took a sip from your macchiato before you started your story time. You told him about the straining workload at uni, your poor time management and messed up sleep schedule. You also mentioned the new group project professor Lee had dumped onto you last-minute and those long hours you had spent at Freefall. Then, you took a momentary break - drank another gulp from your drink - and went into details about the footsteps you had heard from behind your back and how eerie it had been that they had hit the concrete for the same rhythm yours had done so.

‘Maybe it’s all in my head. Dunno, it’s not like there aren’t CCTVs everywhere in Seoul,’ you tried to downplay it, but Junhui had none of it. He shook his head vehemently and went as far as to put his hands on his hips with a straight back, his posture almost unnatural.

‘Maybe, but what if you’re right and this person is real?’ He asked, his tone firm enough for you to know he wasn’t stalling because he was waiting for an answer. Thus, you pressed your lips together and remained silent. ‘Are you in a hurry? If not, you should stay until we finish up and I’ll walk you home,’ the suggestion left his mouth easily, the flames of determination in his eyes rendering you speechless.

If you wanted to be honest, you didn’t hate the idea of waiting for Junhui. Mostly because his presence made you feel safe - a sensation you were lacking that night - and because it was him offering and not you begging for his company. Not that you had ever had to fight for his attention, not really, but he was an objectively handsome young man, which meant he wasn’t short of young girls and women fanning over him. He could have spent his time with anyone, yet he chose to walk you home because you might or might not have been followed.

‘I’m not in a hurry,’ you said at the end, not exactly shy about the sudden turn of events, but lowkey blushing when Minghao walked up to your table and shoved a mop into his friend’s hands without further explanation.

While the other customers left the building, you were allowed to stay by your table and eat some of the leftover pastries for free while the guys closed the cash register and cleaned the place. In a weak moment, you offered to help them with the easiest tasks, such as mopping the floor after Junhui put every chair on the tables in the customer area; however, Wonwoo reassured you that Seungcheol paid his employees handsomely. They could manage the short list of things to do easily.

Time flew quickly in good company; it was a universal truth. Hence, as you were watching the guys joke around and annoy each other while they were simultaneously doing their job and joining the radio whenever there was a song they knew by heart, it came as no surprise that they finished everything before you realised a whole hour had passed. Standing in front of the double door with one hand on the handle, you had to make a conscious effort to not laugh or smile when Seokmin called Junhui out on his eagerness to leave with you. He was funny, but you weren’t supposed to get the joke. You hadn’t told Junhui yet that you spoke Korean and it didn’t feel like the right time or place. His friends would have never let him live it down.

So your smile was more on the polite side until you left; until it was only the two of you and the boy coaxed the first laughs out of you with his silly stories and ridiculous jokes. He was so bad at telling them, jumping from one key point to the other, sometimes leaving out the most important pieces of information, that your belly hurt by the time you reached your apartment building.

If you had been the main leads of a romantic comedy - or one of those Chinese dramas that were worth binge watching in your scarce freetime -, Junhui would have lingered before he eventually said goodbye to you, but in reality, he seemed pretty okay with leaving as soon as you pointed at your windows, so you needed to take matters into your own hands before he walked away.

‘We will celebrate the end of our - hopefully - last exam period next weekend with a few of our classmates. It’s more like an early graduation celebration party, you know, without the family and all the hassle. Would you like to come? Wonwoo will be there, too,’ you asked in one breath, trying to sound as casual as you could despite your obvious ramble.

Since when was “you” and “rambling” in one sentence a thing? God.

‘I… sure, someone has to make sure Wonwoo doesn’t become a party pooper after all,’ he shot a smile in your way, that bright and genuine smile that always awoke the butterflies in your tummy. ‘And make sure you get home in one piece,’ Junhui mumbled under his nose in Korean, his voice barely above a whisper yet impactful enough to paint your cheeks a faint shade of pink - a colour you could hide in the dimly lit street.

You bit into your cheek from the inside to contain your giddiness.

‘Someone has to,’ you agreed with both statements without his knowledge and promised him that you would tell him more about the details once they were set in stone before he walked away for real.

You couldn’t have believed you had let such a great opportunity go to waste when later that night you realised that you could have asked for Junhui’s number if only you had told him that you would send him the fixed date and location via kakao. Such an amateur, school girl mistake.

You were so busy with finishing up the school year and so excited about the party with your chillest classmates and friends that at one point of the night, after like two or three glasses of somaek, you completely forgot that only a handful of your Korean friends spoke Chinese and that they all talked to you in their native language, which you couldn’t have pretended not to understand when they had already known your Korean was close to fluent. How else could you have gotten yourself a partial scholarship to a Korean program at one of the best unis in the country? It wasn’t like you had written your assignments in Chinese or your lectures had had magical subtitles only you could have seen.

If you had the brain capacity, you might have wondered if anyone had ever set themselves up for failure as wonderfully as you had done when you had invited Junhui for the party, but you were sleep-deprived and tipsy, so you simply greeted him with one of your sweet smiles when he finally arrived.

‘You’re late!’ You complained, your lips taking on a naturally pouty shape as you looked him in the eyes. He looked so good with his adorable mole above his upper lip and the one on his cheek that lately made you want to pinch it. Or kiss it. Maybe something in-between. Or both. Yeah, you could have definitely pinched his cheek and kissed him as an apology. Or should you have kissed him first and pinched him afterwards just to tease him? You liked teasing him a lot.

‘I’m sorry. There was an emergency at the shop,’ he apologised before he tilted his head to the left and pointed at Wonwoo who had also arrived only a couple of seconds ago. You followed his line of sight and sighed when you saw Yuri hugging her boyfriend so openly albeit a bit shyly. You wanted to do the same, just not with Wonwoo.

‘Hey guys! Grab a shot and come to the table! It’s time for the classic, the cliche, the legend!’ One of your classmates shouted, hyping up your slowly growing group, although you knew what was coming was the most basic drinking game of all time: ‘Truth or dare!’

You shook your head with a smile and tugged on Junhui’s sleeve.

‘You heard her. Let’s go!’ You exclaimed, completely oblivious to the fact that you shouldn’t have been able to understand the girl or that you had just blown on your imaginary house of cards as though it had always meant to be destroyed so carelessly.

You didn’t stutter, you didn’t waver and you clearly weren’t aware of the reason why Junhui was giving you such a terrified look. Your tipsy brain assumed it was because of the game and how juicy it could have gotten when one was playing it with the right gang.

With so many people around, it took for a while until you could actively participate in the game, but you genuinely enjoyed yourself while you were watching your classmates and friends embarrass themselves in public. Then, you dared Yuri to sit into Wonwoo’s lap and the crowd went wild. You hadn’t felt so light and carefree in months.

‘Your turn. Truth or dare?’ Wonwoo’s question was directed at you three or four rounds later, his eyes shining with unexpected mischief as he raised one of his brows. He was challenging you and you were a coward, so you chose:

‘Truth.’

Obviously, you would have been stupid to willingly embarrass yourself in front of Junhui. He was already way too quiet for your liking. Now that you thought about it, he hadn’t said a word since you two had joined your friends by the table.

You turned towards him, worried. And you were still looking at him when your best friend’s boyfriend’s question reached your ears, dread morphing your features as the seriousness of the situation hit you in the face. Oh. Why hadn’t you thought of the possibility that Wonwoo might have asked you why you were pretending not to understand Korean around Junhui? It was such a predictable question in hindsight, especially after the sneaky dare you had given Yuri. 

‘I…’ you started, but the words stuck in your throat and you had to take a deep breath before you tried again, this time, with more confidence. It was as good of a time to come clean as any even if the circumstances weren’t ideal. So far, you could have soothed your conscience with the reminder that you had never lied in Junhui’s face. You didn’t want to start it now.

So you turned your whole body towards the boy and made sure he heard you when you told him the truth.

‘I like knowing those things he isn’t brave enough to admit aloud,’ you said, giving him one of your sweetest smiles in hope of his forgiveness.

Yet, he averted his eyes, and when you gave in the urge to touch his face and make him look at you, he cleared his throat and excused himself like it wasn’t painfully obvious that he didn’t need to use the toilet. He needed more distance between the two of you. 

You bit into your cheeks from the inside hard enough to draw blood before you, too, left the table, using the weak excuse that you needed some fresh air. In reality, you just couldn’t bear to see the pitiful look everyone was giving you or hear the apology that fell from your best friend’s lips as though it was her or Wonwoo’s fault.

Even tipsy, you knew it was all on you.

The first thing that popped up in your mind when you left the diner and sat down on one of the plastic chairs outside was that maybe you were wrong and you did need some fresh air. Because hell it felt amazing when the cold, wintry air hit your face and caressed your warm cheeks like a mother would - or a best friend. A person you could confide in. God, you had screwed up big time, hadn’t you?

Frowning, it didn’t even occur to you that sitting outside in December, wearing nothing but a thin long-sleeved shirt and denim jeans was a bad idea. You didn’t question why there were only three other dudes chatting on the terrace, smoking cigarettes. You were just relieved to be alone while you were mourning a relationship you had never even had. You really liked Junhui.

It was the sudden weight of a jacket on your shoulders that pulled you out of your thoughts, your head snapping towards your intruder fast enough to hurt. However, as soon as your eyes met Junhui’s you swallowed down the groan.

‘What…’ you started, but didn’t know how to finish the question, so you pressed your lips together and said nothing. Did you even have the right to ask him what he was doing outside when you had made him so uncomfortable, he had to distance himself from you? Did you even want to hear the answer?

As much as you didn’t mind being rejected - you were an advocate for the basic human right of saying no -, at that moment, you would have rather not be called an awful person by the first person who had piqued your interest in years. You had already felt pathetic, your self-esteem could only take so much one night.

Junhui took the chair next to you.

‘Were you having fun?’ He broke the silence when he realised you wouldn’t, his gaze fixated on something in front of him instead of on you as though he was just as afraid of the look on your face as you were of the emotions in his eyes. You didn’t want him to resent you, though, you might have deserved it. ‘Or do you really like me?’

It wasn’t the first time you heard the boy speak Korean, clearly, but there was something new and almost odd about hearing Junhui dedicating a question to you in the local language. You allowed yourself another quick glance at him, and even in your tipsy state it was ridiculously easy to tell that he was much drunker than the last time you had sat this close. It took one to know one.

You let out a defeated sigh.

‘I like you. I really do, Junhui,’ you admitted as you wondered whether your confession was too plain and about the chances that he would believe you. Weren’t you a notorious liar in his eyes?

Your lips parted in disbelief when instead of an answer or a well-deserved accusation, you felt a light weight on your right shoulder; the side Junhui was sitting on. Slowly, to not ruin the moment, you turned your head in that direction, surprised to see the boy’s head resting on you. Too stunned to comprehend the situation, you lifted your left hand to touch his soft hair and simultaneously check whether he was asleep.

Based on the lack of reaction, he was. He fell asleep on your shoulder. On the very same person’s shoulder who had unintentionally made him feel like a fool. You didn’t have to be a genius to know you didn’t deserve the immense amount of trust something like this required from a person; he was so vulnerable, completely unconscious beside you, and so adorable as he was snoring lightly that you swore you would protect him from all harm. If only he had given you a second chance.

If you wanted to be honest, you had no idea how long you stayed outside or whether you had also managed to fall asleep at one point. However, it was fairly obvious that the party hadn’t been over yet when Yuri and her boyfriend walked up to you and informed you that they had already called a cab.

‘Do you need help with him? We can take a small detour to both of your apartments if you’re okay to leave in ten,’ Wonwoo offered and you sneaked a glance at Junhui before you made up your mind. Sure, you would have gladly stayed for a little longer, making up for all those university parties you had deliberately missed out on due to your workload, but making sure the boy got home in one piece was higher on your priority list.

‘Thanks. That would be nice,’ you accepted the help and let Wonwoo pull his friend into a bent albeit standing position when the driver finally arrived.

Since Yuri volunteered to take the passenger’s seat and out of the three remaining passengers you were the tiniest, you stuck between the boys in the backseat with Junhui’s head once again on your shoulder. Way less tipsier than an hour prior, it was impossible not to notice the effect his closeness had on your body: his warm breath fanning over your skin under your ear sent a pleasant shiver down your spine and whenever his nose touched your neck, you felt new goosebumps forming on your lower arm. He was so, so close and so damn out of it, you were sure he would have felt embarrassed that he was particularly cuddling you in front of his friend if he had been conscious.

God, even your cheeks were burning and you were sitting so upright, one would have thought someone had shoved a stick up your ass.

‘We’re here,’ Wonwoo nudged you when the cab parked in front of Junhui’s building and you acknowledged with a surprised hum that his place was in the opposite direction from the café than yours. Suddenly, his offer to walk you home after your mild panic attack meant so much more to you.

You looked down at the sleeping boy and brushed a stray strand of hair out of his face.

Although you did shake Junhui awake, dragging him up to the third floor was an adventure on its own, not to mention the mess he made as soon as his front door closed behind your back. He might not have thrown up on your shoes, but he crashed into several furniture and walls, which resulted in two broken porcelain decorations and a rose-coloured bump on his head.

‘It’s okay. You can rest now,’ you told him once he was under the blankets, still in his clothes but with his shoes and socks off. It wasn’t below you to put a drunk person in their pyjamas; however, with Junhui, you didn’t want to risk crossing that line without his explicit consent. Especially not after the unplanned twists and turns of the night.

Placing a hastily written note in front of the glass of water and painkillers that Wonwoo had put on his bedside table before he had given the two of you some space, you only hoped he wouldn’t feel too uncomfortable during the rest of the night in his jeans and shirt.

You were thinking about this and the way Junhui’s warm breath felt against your skin in the backseat until your body (and mind) gave in to exhaustion in your own bedroom.

You weren’t avoiding Junhui. But with Christmas coming up, then your thesis defence and your scheduled family trip back to China a week before Chinese New Year, you told yourself that you were too busy to spent so much time in a coffee shop, pathetically hoping that the boy you liked would not only show willingness to talk to you, but have some time to do so as well. You didn’t know his schedule and he had never texted you despite the note you had left behind before you had walked out of his bedroom after the disastrous end of semester party.

Rationally speaking, you knew you had other options. You could have asked Yuri’s boyfriend to send you Junhui’s schedule. You could have also cashed in a favour from Wonwoo and asked him to give the barista a short break when there weren’t too many customers at the shop, so that you could have talked. You could have texted Junhui first or simply shown up at the shop close to closing time. However, a selfish part of you wanted him to take the initiative, because you felt like that would have been a clear sign that he didn’t hate you, that you might still have had a chance.

So why you were at Coffee Carat two days before your flight to Beijing was beyond you. You guessed this was what it meant to be a supportive best friend: you showed up even when it was the last thing you wanted to do at that moment, even when you knew you were being set up as there was no way Yuri would have seriously needed a cup of coffee delivered to her flat in the middle of the day when she had her own coffee machine at home and her boyfriend worked at the same coffee shop.

With a resigned sigh, once it was your turn in front of the counter, you asked for her usual iced coffee.

‘And here I was thinking, he was overdramatic. You do look like you would rather eat glass than be here,’ Minghao said as he started the coffee machine, then filled an empty plastic cup with ice cubes. He was as grumpy as ever, but you wouldn’t have had him any other way. It also did good to your guilt that his first words to you weren’t overly nice. If you wanted to be a hundred percent honest, you deserved the roasting.

‘It’s always so nice to see you, Minghao. Thank you for asking, I’m doing pretty okay these days. No more assignments, no more all-nighters,’ you remarked with more amusement than malice as you fished your wallet out of your bag and linked your arms in front of your chest. Eyeing the glass display, you were contemplating whether you should have bought yourself a cupcake or a cinnamon roll. They both looked delicious. 

‘Amazing,’ he mused. He put the plastic lid on Yuri’s drink, then followed your line of sight and put a freshly baked cinnamon roll with walnut pieces on top in a paper bag. You licked your lower lip unconsciously; you could feel the yearning in the pit of your tummy. ‘Though, it’s not exactly what a best friend would want to hear from the girl who is messing with their friend’s head,’ he added when you exchanged money, deliberately disregarding the whine that escaped your mouth.

It was a low blow, but you couldn’t deny that there was some truth to what he said. Even if you had never messed with Junhui’s head on purpose. Because despite the implication, you had never played with him. Your interest had been pure and genuine. It still was.

The unmistakable sound of broken glass pulled you back to reality and also forced Minghao to tear his judging gaze away from you. The scream stuck in your throat the moment your eyes landed on a panicking Junhui in the middle of a latte pond. Was that strawberry jam on his lower arm? Was he bleeding?

‘Are you okay?’ The question fell from your lips without thinking, the fact that you were speaking in Chinese not registering in you until Minghao gave you a nasty side eye. Oh. You quickly cleared your throat and repeated the question in Korean. ‘I’m sorry. Are you okay?’

‘I’m…’ Junhui started, awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other in a crouching position. His cheeks, neck and ears were rose-coloured, but for the first time you were too worried about him to find his bashfulness adorable. 

You were seconds from rushing behind the counter, so that you could examine his body for possible injuries.

‘I’m fine,’ Junhui shot a tight-lipped smile in your direction, which might have been meant to be reassuring, but did nothing to soothe your nerves.

If you had only given a single thought to your actions, you would have realised that running behind the counter as a customer was a horrible idea for numerous reasons. For instance, it  went against basic hygiene regulations, therefore it could have gotten the place in big trouble if anyone had taken a picture of you sitting on your knees beside Junhui without an apron and a proper uniform. In the era of social media and cancel culture, there were no such things as small or innocent mistakes.

However, you clearly weren’t thinking - not about the negative consequences of your actions nor anyone else but the flustered boy in front of you.

‘Stop fidgeting. Don’t touch that!’ You scolded him so naturally it felt like the two of you had never stopped talking and pulled him up from the floor with ease, taking full advantage of his confusion as you dragged him to the closest empty chair.

After checking every inch of his lower arms two times, lips pressed into a thin line because of how nervous you felt, you acknowledged with a relieved sigh that Junhui was fine. He had one minor cut on his left index finger, that you dressed in a plaster dutifully.

‘Here. As good as new,’ you teased, not because you found the possibility of Junhui getting hurt funny, but because the worry you had just felt had been overwhelming and you needed to lighten the mood - for the sake of your sanity.

And maybe to dilute the lingering awkwardness around you when the silence settled.

It was the first time you saw him in weeks. Unsurprisingly, he looked the same, but somehow things still felt different. You wondered whether it was because you weren’t talking in your native language anymore. You missed the familiar warmth that always embraced you when he addressed you in Chinese. For the first time since you had moved countries, you swore you were experiencing homesickness, which was as ridiculous as true.

‘You know…’ Your body jerked when you heard Minghao’s girlfriend’s voice from behind your back. You snapped your head in her direction only to see her staring at the two of you with a broom and a plastic dustpan. ‘For people who can converse in at least two languages, you two are pretty shitty at communication,’ she said with a frown, her tone not judgemental per se, but still a bit reprimanding.

You bit into your cheek from the inside, swallowing back a scoff. Your communication skills were exceptional. You hadn’t had any problem talking to Junhui before… before that stupid truth or dare. Just the thought of it soured your mood.

‘Sooryeon-ah…’

‘We’re doing just fine,’ you remarked at the same time Junhui let out a pitiful whine. You looked back at the boy who was sitting beside you and closed your eyes for theatrics. Maybe, you weren’t doing fine at all. However, saying it out loud, admitting it in front of his friend’s girlfriend, felt so bad. As though you had failed before you could have even tried.

‘Oh? You’re doing fine, you say?’ Sooryeon’s interest was clearly piqued at the sudden turn of events, the smirk audible in her voice. ‘So he’s finally asked you out on a date?’

The speed your head turned in the barista girl’s direction wasn’t even funny. You could feel your neck crack and you cursed your instincts for betraying you so badly. Still, as giddiness slowly blended into your confusion, you couldn’t help but smile. Was it naive of you to hope that she was also up-to-date with the happenings between the two of you? Shouldn’t you have at least prepared yourself for the disappointment in case it had only been true before… before that stupid truth or dare.

‘Lim Sooryeon!’ Junhui’s raised voice took you completely off guard, pushing you from one surprise to another as the twists of the day pulled the rug from under your feet. You had never heard him so frustrated - angry? - in your life and you had known him for over a year by then. You had seen him surrounded by girls who didn’t know what no meant; you had seen him handle entitled Karens on a weekly basis with utmost patience; you had seen him being teased for hours to no end by his friends.

‘Moon J—’

‘He did. We’ll have street food tonight. Go, watch a movie,’ you cut the barista girl off before their banter could have drawn too much unwanted attention. A few of the customers were already giving you curious glances and you knew, deep down you just knew, that the only reason Minghao didn’t come up to you to scold Junhui was because of the growing line in front of the counter.

The silence that followed your statement was deafening and for a second you contemplated whether you should have apologised and told Sooryeon the truth - if you should have stopped altering reality so shamelessly whenever you seemed fit even though you never meant any harm when it happened -, but then Junhui asked:

‘We will?’ With so much enthusiasm that it threw your life off its axis.

He sounded so happy as though he wasn’t aware that he had, in fact, hadn’t asked you out on a date. How could you have said yes to a question that he had never asked? He was so silly but so adorable.

A grumpy voice in your head, suspiciously akin to Minghao’s, attempted to convince you that lying was not the solution, but one look at Junhui’s shy smile made it impossible for you to do the morally acceptable thing. What was so good about doing the “right thing” when that would have only dampened his mood? And it wasn’t that you were about to straight out lie in his face. You had every intention to have street food with him after his shift in case he was up for it.

You would have been stupid to turn down this miraculously obtained second chance.

‘We will,’ you confirmed with a soft smile, mustering up the courage to lean a little forwards, so you would have been close enough to him to cup his cheeks with your hands, squeezing them with a cooing sound.

‘Junhui! If your injuries aren’t deadly, come back behind the counter. You’re not off the clock yet,’ Minghao’s command cut through the air and you reluctantly let Junhui’s face go, so that he could pull away and go back to work.

That day, you decided that Yuri needed to wait a couple of hours for her iced coffee - the first cup became lukewarm by the time you put yourself together, therefore you used it as an excuse to stay until lunch break and finished it with your dessert. In the meantime, whenever the crowd was manageable, you exchanged a few words with Junhui: you apologised for last time and he apologised for never contacting you. You made him blush, teasing him about how delighted your grandparents would be when they found out he’s Chinese and he tried his best to repay the favour with the cheesiest compliments you ever heard (and a slice of orange cheesecake that finally did the trick and painted your cheeks red). It was as easy as you had remembered, talking to Junhui again, but you also knew Sooryeon had been right. The two of you had a long way to go when it came to communication, but that was okay. You were only at the beginning of the journey.

You had years to perfect your skills. A lifetime if you were lucky.

➼ next reason

[rigelmejo]

Things Read 2023

I thought it'd be kind of fun to do a little collage of some of the things read in 2023. Because pictures entice and maybe one of these will look interesting to you, and maybe I'll just feel slightly more motivated the next time I try to read something.

First row: Easiest novels to read, I highly recommend if you're a beginner. 秃秃大王, 大林和小林, and 笑猫日记 (any book in this series).

Second row: also fairly easy, though maybe not for total beginners? (Unless you want). 小王子 (which was the first non-graded reader novel I read in chinese, and in retrospect I wish I'd started with the books above instead... but this was still readable as a beginner, I read it in paper form to stop myself from looking words up and it was still a doable read), 盗墓笔记重启 （幽默漫画）a very cute domestic side stories for dmbj set during chongqi, extremely easy to read if you know the character names. 他们的故事/Their Story by Tan Jiu, a cute slice of life girls falling in love story, it's setting makes it quite easy to read.

Third row: manhua that are a bit harder, but still probably very readable if you're not looking to work hard and sink into a novel. 19天, bl and funny af, set in school so common vocab but the jokes land better as u understand more, I also love the art. 破云  1 and 2, they're kind of hard to read in that this manhua has a page just for niche word definitions in the front, but it's easier to read than the novel it's based on. I thought it was a fun way to enjoy the story while I waded much more slowly through the novel version. Similarly, I've been reading the 烈火浇愁 manhua (not pictured) on and off since I can get further in the manhua than the novel before running out of steam. There's a lot of manhua on the Bilibili Comics app, and that's definitely an option if you're into manhua too if you like a novel premise but aren't quite ready to tackle the novel (or want to check out the manhua too). Also, sometimes on bilibili.com you can find videos of manhua with voice acting and music, which can be nice.

Fourth row: some novels I'm still in progress with lol. I read 盗墓笔记 books 1, 2, and half of 3 in 2023. I'm continuing along, and maybe eventually I'll get to sha hai. If you plan to read/watch more in the tomb raiding or supernatural genre anyway, I highly recommend reading. dmbj is not that hard to read, new words usually pop up early and then are repeated enough that you learn them within a few chapters, which makes the following chapters easier and easier. By the time I was through book 1, I switched from looking up unknown words to looking up no words and just guessing from context and it went fine. npss also writes in an easy style to read once you get used to a few wordings/slang. A lot of the words I learned from dmbj were helpful with other supernatural genre stuff I read, since I like to read that kind of stuff. 撒野, both harder than I thought it'd be and easier. It is very doable of a read as far as following the main idea of the plot, after you've read a few other novels (like row 1) or gotten comfortable with daily life words. It does some beautiful stuff though with the writing style, and detail, that's more noticeable upon re-reads. I've restarted this novel like 4 times because each time I picked it up again my reading skill had improved, and the writing felt different upon reading. If you can watch chinese shows with chinese subtitles you can read this without looking words up, but if you do encounter unknown words this was a novel I found the unknown words were frequently useful and worth learning. I'd say it's very approachable, it's just the chapters are quite long so it's always a painful reminder of how slow my reading speed is. It's about two teenage guys who meet and fall for each other, and it's also about their families and personal struggles and very character focused which I love. After this novel, I plan to check out the other novels by this author. And of course, still, 镇魂. Look, I keep reading the whole first arc, then taking a break, then re-reading the whole first arc. I need to stop being a perfectionist about understanding and catching every detail, and just move forward. I've read my print version about 2 times to the end of the sundial arc, and the web version about 2 times. I've yet again reached the end of the sundial arc as of December 2023, and hopefully I just move forward at this point. I wont say it's an 'easy' read, but I will say I picked up so much of my initial reading vocabulary from this and Tian Ya Ke, that priest's preferred writing vocabulary and particular way of phrasing sentences is more familiar to me than any other author's. So now I have a much easier time reading priest's other novels. And in the case of Zhen Hun, I know 98% of the words more or less on any given page. So yes, it's a bit silly I keep combing over to try and understand more details. (In my defense, I've been combing over the AUDIO my last read through, to try and get my listening vocabulary comprehension closer to my reading vocabulary level - I figured it was a good novel to do this with since I know nearly every word reading-wise in the sundial arc at this point). Anyway... when will I finish reading Zhen hun? Ask me when the last official english translation book is published. Because I'm waiting to read the english until I finish it in chinese first. So no doubt when the english is totally out I'll probably rush through anything I didn't finish so it's easier for me to compare. (You'd think I'd do that for Sha Po Lang and... lol you're not wrong... that's why I haven't started reading SPLs official english translation yet... I want to dig out my chinese print book and compare). Tldr: Zhen hun is one of the easier priest books to start with, all things considered. Or Tian Ya Ke. I started with both, and they're still easier reads to me than Dage and Sha Po Lang and Can Ci Pin.

Special mention:

I also read 2 pingxie fanfictions, 半夜衣寒 and 寒舍 by 夏灬安兰. The first story is shorter by far, both are around as easy to read as dmbj or a bit easier, and they're supernatural au in everyday life so a lot of the words are applicable to either the real world, or to books in genres like dmbj.

I also read/watched many a voice-acted manhua video on bilibili over the last year. Bilibili algorithm recommends me tons of bl, and supernatural mystery stuff, so I'd click on manhua compilation videos when bored and use the voice acting speed to get myself to read faster than I would if I were just reading the manhua in silence. I found a pretty cool horror manhua, but upon making this post I checked bilibili and the compilation I saved was deleted. If I find it again I'll post a link. It was a college student who just moved to the city, and he meets this ancient guy who may be a demon/guardian sort of thing, and the city is just full of haunting and awful deaths and misfortune going on. It was both scary and full of comedy, which was fun.

[vv-ispy]

For the ask meme, Yun Jin! And Venti too, why not

Yun Jin

How I feel about this character: Isn't she cute? Isn't she sweet? So graceful and dignified and well-read, and... I like the detail put into her. I like how beijing opera inspired she is, how she has the flags in her skill and burst, how she does acrobatic moves (bc beijing opera is very acrobatic — and done wearing those big heavy costomes too, insane), how she kicks the spear like jianzi/chinese hackysack in her idle, how the finishing of her attack sequence is flourished with a gong sound and pose, how they got an actual beijing opera singer to sing for her, how her signature dish is one of my favourite foods! I love her! She got me into the game! I enjoy that she plays with the idea of tradition vs change, she participates in a very traditional art form, one that is very much seen as 'stuff my grandparents listen to', but also listens to rock and roll! Thinks the traditions and the elders are outdated! She works hard but she also has fun! That's about it to her though rip

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Shenhe :) Also Xinyan

My non-romantic OTP for this character: With the rest of the liyue gang, xinyan + xiangling + xingqiu + hutao + chongyun! Also I love that she calls Morax '岩王爷' "stong king grandpa" affectionately, it's so cute and almost humanizing-but-also-old-school respectful-of-your-elders kinda sense. Would love to see her interact with Gaming as the two main Cultural Representatives pfft

My unpopular opinion about this character: I haven't even seen enough opinions on her to know whether this opinion is unpopular, but she works better as a side character. Yun jin's story has been told in the jade chamber chamber quest, and her written backstory. There's not much to expand on.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Sure, she can show up as a side character in events more. I don't have strong feelings about it though. In a world with bigger stakes, with themes of gods and control and change, I think her aspect of the story's been told. Though I guess if you really want to make an argument for it there's compare and contrast you can do with her and Venti bc they're both story tellers with a focus on humanity. Yet at the same time, they're still in such different worlds, it feels forced to use her for such big themes, I think she belongs in having-fun-with-the-liyue-gang

Venti

How I feel about this character: Stares into the void. I swear I became a Venti Fan by accident. Why did I start liking him again? Ah right nameless bard. Anyway, about Venti... By being the most human of the gods, also makes him the most multifacetted of the gods, in my opinion. The bulk of Ei and Zhongli focuses such big, almost abstract concepts, like eternity and change and what they should mean. Quite frankly, things that are detached from the average person's (or, maybe just me lol) life, at the scale they talk about it. Not to say they're unrelatable to humans, I'm sure many can relate to Ei's response to losing Makoto or Zhongli's letting past and tradition go, but not at the scale they do, where it affects a whole nation. Furina and Nahida have their own very personal battles with growing into themselves and feeling trapped, but neither of them have had enough influence over their nation's development for their struggles to intertwine on a larger scale Venti straddles this gap. As a god, one of the original gods even, he has already shaped a nation and their understanding of 'freedom', is burdened by this 'freedom' and how it contradicts with his role as a god — a god should be leading his nation, a god is trapped under Celestia. He allows one to explore the grand overarching themes of the game, of destiny and fate and order and principles. But he's also. Just a guy. He sings songs making fun of himself and gets drunk and makes mistakes and is a jerk sometimes, he doesn't take himself seriously and his actions as Venti are of no consequence. He gets to know his people personally, he makes connections on a human level, and so even his god struggles have a personal note to them

I joke that he's hard but fun to write, and he is! Both! I'm genuinely itching to write another Venti POV piece some day because he gives me an excuse to do wordplay and not take everything too seriously — this guy overthrew a god losing his closest friend in the process, then made a mistake in governing so bad in resulted in tyranny taking over again for him (with Venessa) to fix, then particpated in The Cataclysm whatever that entailed, probably knows a bunch of terrible godly secrets, and then woke up to another dear friend corrupted to the dark side for him to fix (with The Traveller + friends). Again. Yet through all that he remains silly — in Animorphs there's a quote by Marco "You have to decide whether you think life is tragedy or comedy. I long ago decided to look for the joke in life […] See, it was my mom who taught me that the world was funny" and sometimes I get the same vibes about Venti. He could easily look at his life and decide it's a tragedy, but instead he decides that no! Life is fun and life is whimsy and there's things to laugh about and experience in life despite everything terrible about the world that he's seen first hand, taught by the bard who couldn't experience the joys. And sure I think at least a part of his alcoholism is drink-the-trauma-away, and I do think a big part of him living life to its fullest enjoyment is a promise he made to his bard friend but I also don't think either of that takes away from him having seen the worst of existance and deciding to choose love and care and hedonism. But because he's had the experiences of the best and the worst and everything in between, and is good with words, he works so well bouncing off other characters. You can use him to talk about loss (he's experienced so much), of masks (he wears one too), of inferiority (self proclaimed weakest archon, started life as a weak wind sprite), of power (he's a god amongst humans), of connection (he's the one that reached out to zhongli first, makes an effort to talk to his people), of forgiveness (doesn't hate signora, possibly understands her), of change (does Mondstadt change?), of legacy (still wears his friend's face), of....... he's such a flexible character because of his scope and contradictions. You can use him for anything, he fits anywhere. And man, in the wack case he doesn't fit a theme? He'll know a song that fits the theme. This guy knows too much. And GOD I didn't even get to talking about how I have emotions about how the bard and his early life shaped him Uh also trans Venti good

All the people I ship romantically with this character: hmmm ZhongVenXiao is the one that comes to mind first, because of the way all three of them push and pull and challenge each other. Venti relieves the heaviness of the subservant dynamic ZhongXiao has going on, Xiao alleviates the heaviness of the Old Gods then ZhongVen has going on, Zhongli alleviates some of the overfocus on Xiao I see in a lot of VenXiao works, I love the three together! Zhongxiao challenges Venti's idea of freedom, ZhongVen challenges Xiao's ideas of loyalty, VenXiao challenges Zhongli's overseer responsibleness Bardven. God. First friend. First love. Understanding each other's soul. Carrying on each other's legacy. Unable to move on. Must move on for the other. Learning your own very ideal from another, and now being the bearer of that ideal. They cannot be separated, I think Venti still caries a bit of the bard into everything about him, whether conciously or not. I don't think Venti would be a bard without the bard, and I wonder if his friend didn't die, if he still would have lived his own life to its fullest to live on for his friend. Sometimes, I play with the idea of Venti not telling the bard's story out of selfishness — it's the only way he can still keep his friend to himself, untouched by history. A shinning memory that no one else can ruin. I love the angst of other Venti ships, that any ship with Venti almost has the ghost of the bard still there — the other is looking at Venti and the bard because Venti is like a white cloth that got dyed by the bard. The colour may fade, he may get dyed with others, but he was loved and changed by the bard first and there will always be a mark of that. Venti looks at the other and he's reminded of the bard constantly— he's held by his new lover and he's reminded of how safe he felt in the bard's hands, he laughs at his new lover's joke and he remembers the first time he felt joy with the bard, they talk about their future together and he's nolstogic for the times he talked about the future of Mondstadt with the bard. Not that it's constant, of course — I think he's very much moved on too. But he'll also never forget about the bard and those happier days with his soulmate, before he lost his innocence

I know I said Diluc/Venti in my answer to Diluc, but my affinity towards that is generally the silliness of I'm-kicking-god-out-of-my-tavern. Venti is such a character-focused character to me I prefer ships with a bit more potential for substance such as....... Stares at a KaeVen wip I've yet to finish because I have plot and character to iron out. God I need to finish it. It will be the culmulation of all my thoughts about this ship, probably

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Venti/everyone in Mondstadt. He is the core of the theme of Freedom that everyone in Mondstadt. Everyone in Mondstadt has their own idea and experience with freedom and the city He Made, so perfect jumping off point to explore variations on freedom Venti + Venessa. The aristocracy is Venti's first big mistake, his first second big trauma. He thought he had given his people freedom only for his own people to reinvent oppression. The themes to explore there! And Vanessa, she fought for her freedom but she's also an outsider to Mondstadt. She challenged his idea of freedom, he challenged her self-reliance. I think Venessa is the second largest affect on his life and yes this is including the other archons, because Venti is a god who is concerned with humans on a personal level. They're both saviours in a way, Venti to his people and Venessa to her people, but she's also taken up the role of looking after Mondstadt in general after being welcomed in Mondstadt. I think it also set the presidence for why Mondstadt is so welcoming to everyone from everywhere, the fact Venessa decended from another nation created Mondstadt's backbone of the KoF to care for not just her people but everyone in Mondstadt. If the bard planted the seed of what freedom means to Venti personally, then Venessa helped grow those ideas into what freedom means for Venti's nation and how his ideas of freedom affects his people Inserts Bardven here again but god this ask answer is getting long enough

My unpopular opinion about this character: This is a sideways answer to this entry, but for me Venti content is like candy. It's good and fun and I love seeking it out, but I have to keep it in moderation or else I get tired of him. For me, sometimes people are too......idk how to describe it. Too reverent of him? I liken my reaction to him with my reaction to Portal 2's Wheatley back in 2014: great character in the source material but as a consequence of being a popular character, there's a portion of fanworks that talks of him in a way, erases his flaws, that irks me. Like, in the source material Venti is a high quality chocolate, the perfect mix of has his own character + comedic relief + contributes to other's characterizations + intriguing relationships + cares about others + a divine man + wise + childish whimsy + has his own issues + kinda a jerk sometimes + just a fun guy + not a perfect god + doing his best. But fanworks, either out of wanting to explore one aspect or not fully understanding him, it's easy to fall into One Aspect (alcoholic Venti, or only-there-to-develop-someone-else's-character/others-are-only-there-to-develop-him Venti, or doesn't-take-anything-seriously Venti, or ...). And then I come out of the mirad of Venti content feeling like I ate a spoonful of sugar, or a spoonful of cocoa. Or, sometimes I just want to take a break from eating chocolate ya know? But then again there are times when I just want to eat a spoonful of sugar so ya know. Moderation, etc etc But hey that's just a me problem. It just means for things like Venti Birthday I need to take a step back from the Venti Insanity and stick to my trusted mutuals' takes on him :P

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: windblume when :(

[airi-p4]

Treasure chest of memories (Guardian Luka AU) - Chapter 1

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 __________________________________

Well... Remember this? (Super old Wip ask I got from @19thsentry-blog ) ^^;

It’s one of my Guardian Luka AU fics that I had planned since ages ago... 

Good news it that I’m posting Chapter 1 and 2 (open ending unless I figure out how the story continues). Bad news is that I don’t plan to turn into a comic anymore.

I hope it makes sense... Enjoy? 

Summary: 

Guardian Luka AU

Luka recalls why he left Paris when he became the Guardian of the Miraculous and Marinette lost her memories. Now, eight years later, he receives a wedding invitation from his sister Juleka and he can't ignore it.

But she's going to be there... Right?

Warning: ANGST

AO3

_________________________________

Chapter 1

Luka didn't regret becoming the guardian of the Miraculous. Marinette had verbally begged him not to take that weight and responsibility, but her heart song was desperately asking for help- for someone to lift that burden from her shoulders. To finally rest.

And Luka couldn't ignore that calling.

He loved her. He knew he always would. And seeing how healthier she looked after the Miraculous box was passed to him (and forgetting about everything), Luka was convinced he did the right thing.

But he couldn't stay nearby, he decided. With her memories of him (and everyone else) gone, no more walls were going to be there for her and Adrien to be together. His role was over. If Marinette was happy, so would he. He had to move on with his new life.

So he left Paris.

No previous warning. No goodbyes. No hints about his whereabouts.

Apparently.

Because in truth, he had secretly set his destination after the celestial guardian appeared in front of him: The Temple of the Miraculous. Su-Han had disliked and disapproved of him at first, but after a few years of training under his teachings, Luka had finally been acknowledged and trusted as an official Guardian of the Miraculous.

He got rid of his old worn-out clothes when he moved to China and, from then on, he wore Chinese-styled clothes instead: the honorary Guardian's Uniform- courtesy of his master.

Tight to his body, a red Chinese-style short tunic with black and golden details, along with a pair of linen pants that left his ankles exposed, his flat shoes following the same black color of his pants and some of the patterns as his tunic.

His attire wasn't his only change of looks. His once long hair was now short. His blue dye was gone and only his original black color remained on his hair- the same black that used to cover his now unpolished nails.

All traces of his past self seemed to be gone and he looked like a new person.

But no, he was the same. A pretender. Because his memories, unlike the one from the previous guardian, remained intact- always in his mind. And even if he didn't regret his choice, there were times he wished he could contact his past: his family, his friends… Marinette. She was the reason he decided to throw his previous life away and choose the one of jewels and Magic Gods instead.

All for her happiness. For all her nightmares to be gone for good.

Despite Su-Han's strict rules, he had never been able to throw away her guitar pick gift either, and had secretly hid it inside the Miraculous box with the kwamis' help.

As a certified Guardian, Luka had taken both Sass and Tikki as his companions, the rest of the kwamis secured in the pirate treasure chest shaped Miraculous box he was in charge of. He liked to let them out from time to time, and they were happy to help him craft musical instruments with him. When it came to the Miraculous, he was more cautious than his predecessor had been- secrets are secrets for a reason, and failing that rule had almost cost Ladybug her life during the final battle against Shadow Moth. (Well, it did, but thankfully Viperion was there to fix it- and to finally see and understand the truth Marinette had been hiding from him).

'Made for each other'

These words resonated in his head. All signs were there to convince him there would never be a place for Luka in his ex-girlfriend's heart. He had never stood a chance, right? She would be happy with her 'soulmate'. He had always been her second choice, anyway, memories or not.

But then… Why was he hesitating? 8 years had passed and now a wedding invitation from his sister reached him, taking away all his determination to never return to Paris.

How could he miss an event this important? His mother and sister would chase him and toss him from the Liberty into the Seine if he skipped it. But there… she was most likely going to be there too.

The song in his head. The girl with no memories. The girl from his dreams and his nightmares.

The love he could never forget…

Love- that strictly forbidden feeling for Guardians...

With Kalkki's help, he teleported himself to Paris that morning, a few hours prior to the Wedding. He was going to briefly greet his family, watch the vows from afar and leave- that was the plan. It was going to be a few hours and disappear as soon as he could. Avoid Marinette, avoid everyone else. A lighting speed visit.

But plans can fail, right? Especially when a certain red kwami couldn't stay still and flew away amid the Wedding after party. Luka knew she missed her previous wielder… but he had warned her! And Tikki was supposed to be serious about responsibilities! She was supposed to have learned something from her past mistakes! And Sass, as the leader of the magical box, wasn't supposed to encourage her to spy on their previous master. But she didn't seem to reason, Luka realized when he couldn't find the red kwami in his bag.

"Tikki?" He called, searching secretly, Sass doing also the same.

"I found her." the snake kwami said, and signaled behind him.

Luka let a relieved deep sigh "Thank God, Tikk-" and turned to spot the immobile red kwami embraced by thin fingers.

Now it was his turn to freeze.

Because Marinette was standing there.

More beautiful than ever.

And with Tikki on the palm of her hand.

His breathing stopped.

"Is this yours?" Her now more mature voice asked, looking up at him while he lowered his face.

The guardian nodded and straightened his hand so she could give the kwami back. He didn't dare to speak, probably couldn't, even if he tried.

"Red…" she whispered.

Luka kept his gaze away, avoiding her eyes. But unexpectedly, after she placed Tikki on Luka's hand, she didn't seem convinced to let her go. "I know this red… My missing Red… from my lost memories..." she said, rubbing her finger over Tikki's black dot on her head. "Tikki…" she mumbled.

And the word was enough to alert Luka. His heart skipped a beat.  

"But I still need my…" she continued, after an acknowledging sigh. And it was then when Luka focused his terrified gaze on her sad eyes, before they lightened the next second, the moment they met with his.

"Blue," she gasped. "My missing blue"

Luka gasped, forgetting how to breathe, mouth half opened, until his steadiness broke as soon as a familiar word left her lips.

"Lu...ka…?"

His fears unfurled in his heart.

This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't even possible.

How…?

“Finally… I found it...” a tear escaped the corner of her eyes. “The treasure chest of my dreams. The one that holds my happiness...”

And there he was- immobile, as if made of stone, in front of the girl he could never stop dreaming about. The chapter of love he never closed, opened widely once again. The badly stitched band-aid ripped in a moment. A loud heartbeat, more alive than ever …

And the most beautiful song in the world back in his head. His strength and his weakness.

His melody.

[purplekoop]

OFFICIAL BLOG POST ABOUT THE PLANT TWINK

So uh. full disclosure, this was meant to be a breakdown of the entire blog post, but there's not anything super interesting besides one piece of concept art I ended up having a LOT to say about and another tiny piece of info I'll explain in another post.

So, this post starts off showing the ideation for the basic design of the character, see here:

Here we see a wild array of drastically unique potential Support hero designs, varied in gender, ethnicity, and costume design, which the post says culminated into the final design. Gonna throw in a bit of personal speculation on what these earlier designs might've been planned to do:

The leftmost one seems to bending water or some other kind of substance as they float slightly off the ground. Possibly could've used water to help their teammates move around the map more freely? Definitely the simplest design of the bunch, but not bad either.

Next is a... wanting to say Japanese or Chinese but not totally certain man who appears to be holding small (acupuncture?) needles and carrying a gourd jar (I think? Not sure what they're called, again not totally sure please don't kill me). My guess is that he would've had a kit based in large part on traditional medicine from (whichever part of the world it is). I'm assuming that he would've thrown those needles as an attack/healing ability like Ana's darts, and the container would be some kind of throwable burst heal/utility? All that does sound just like a mix of Ana and Kiriko though, so that's why I'm assuming he got shelved. Okay so, belated edit: the only character of the 4 that has any specific accompanying text says: "One of these pieces features an older physician who drew healing energy into his hands and blasted it into his allies, a bit like Moira’s Coalescence." I misinterpreted this for a while as being for the fourth character of the set, but I realized this was almost certainly the "Older Physician" of the bunch. If I'm understanding it right this time, I think his healing would've essentially been healing with hadoukens?? I can definitely see this working visually with Lifeweaver's healing mechanic.

The detail sticking out to me the most is that he appears to have...

a Chronal Accelerator?? Probably not, but this does seem to be a very specific high-tech part of his design. Speaking of specific high-tech design details that remind me of other characters, there's one detail that did make it from this guy to the final design of Lifeweaver:

The little uhhh. Tube thingy. Around the collar. Yeah that. I don't know what it does. But they both got it!

Third design features a woman wrapped thoroughly in some kind of vines, with a familiar-looking flower behind her body (though this one 6-pointed instead of Lifeweaver's 5, which makes her look even more like Volcarona). I'd wager this is where the devs were starting to figure out how their ability ideas would be executed in a similar means to the end result. Personal theory: This character would've ended up being another Oasis scientist and would've been headcanonned to hell and back as Moira's rebound. Good for her.

Now oohohoohohohoooo, this last one

Look at this MAN. This ABSOLUTE LAD. Frankly I'm mad they showed this guy off, because now I wish this guy didn't get shelved.

With the exception of the plant themes, I think this guy could have very realistically had all of Lifeweaver's current kit, at least in some way. The large clock emblem on the ground could've materialized into the floating platform. And instead of pulling allies back to safety with a vine, my theory is that he would've had a targeted recall, sending allies back to where they were a few seconds ago.

This also ties into my hypothetical lore theory: This guy almost certainly would've had something to do with the Chronal tech that Tracer uses. This would go along with the trend of new heroes tending to have direct ties to existing heroes, and despite being the poster girl, Tracer doesn't really have any unique ties to other heroes outside of being friends from Overwatch, so having some character with at least a shared technology tying them together would've been interesting.

So uh. Yeah sorry flower boy, but if you and this guy were dangling off a bridge about to collapse, I know who I'd be saving.

But yeah! Very interesting set of concept art, and while sadly it doesn't seem like any one of these concepts went too far, or if they did then we didn't get to hear about what happened before they got shelved, it's still super cool to see them anyways. Always happy to get a chance to analyze Overwatch's hero design process.

[linhmiu201]

Press F to pay respect to our Vanderwood, he never ceases to amuse us. :) He's basically promoted as Seven's nanny now. Give him some spotlight please Cheritz. 🙏🙏

Finally, I read the Judge End. It's sad how the RFA basically torn apart (I did agree that there should be a name change but throwing away the name and breaking apart ain't the same thing... *insert sad V emoji*) And it's absurb how harsh you would need to act in order to unlock it. At least now I totally understand why it only took a few 'soft' choices to lead you to the other ending, and why Cheritz seems to push us into getting Forgive End. They feel the need to sink us with lessons about forgiveness and keep saying that's the right thing to do because of Korean culture, I suppose. Be warned, this is just my own speculation.

When I was in junior high school, a certain Korean TV series was aired at noon. It was unfortunate that I had to go to school every afternoon so I didn't get to watch all of it, but that series left such a big impression on me. Its name is Phantom, an SBS series about hacking and cyber crimes. I remember this detail the most: a girl was cyber bullied to the point that she committed suicide. At that time it was so unfamiliar to me that I remember it even now. If you guys read Chinese web novels then you'd know that the netizens there don't really care if news posted online is truthful or not. If it is said that this celebrity or that idol had an addiction, committed adultery,... then they'll just assume it's true, and swarm said celebrity's Weibo with hate speech. And do you know about a case where an actor in Japan was revealed to have a girlfriend, his fans felt so angry and 'betrayed' that they pressured a production he was starring in to cancel his role? In the end, he got removed from his role for real. Does this feel familiar? That's right, it's Zen's route in a nutshell right there, where Jaehee was so worried about MC and Zen dating, because she knew fans would turn hostile to Zen once they found out he had a girlfriend "who weren't themselves". I don't know what's it like in other countries, but here, in Asian countries, many of the netizens are just so... uncultured, if I dare say. It's not only these 3 countries, but probably all over the world, cases of cyber bullying are still happening. How convenient it is for people to just hide behind the screen and spit cruelty at others or play god. They curse and sneer at prople who they think that were in the wrong, while maintaining a high sense of moral for themselves.

With VAE, you can see such behaviors reflected in the 'wrong' choices, for example:

Rika: My thoughts are evil. No, it's all because of my head. This head of mine can think of nothing but dark things.

Rika: I wish this head of mine would stop working... So that I won't do anything. So that I can't do anything.

The players then have to choose from 2 options, including:

Maybe you've been too obsessed with saving others that you forgot how to save yourself.

Or:

You know, that'd be the way you can be the least of help for others.

To reach the Judge End, we need to choose the second choice (alongside a series of fixed choices before that of course). Honestly, that choice is way too cruel for me, we're basically telling her to shut down her brain and stop functioning here (which she did, she fell into a coma), but in order to reach Judge, I can't help but choosing it, since I knew even 1 'wrong' choice could possibly lead to Forgive and that sweet free talk would remain unlocked forevah. If judgement goes too far, it's no longer judgement but pure cruelty... is what I think Cheritz is trying to tell us here. They're telling us to be more understanding even only a little bit, and don't take malicious pleasure in judging other people, even if they are wrong, because you never know whether a life would be lost due to such malice. For me, sometimes it's hard to tell whether I was pleased to see Rika brought to jail since I felt bad for those she hurted, or because of pure pleasure in playing justice defender where you get to curse the bad person all you want. If it's the latter, then it's bad - said Cheritz, probably.

Oopsie, I nearly forgot I took this picture. The wording is harsh, but I laughed for that savage line of Jumin. xD This is the Judge End where RFA members were utterly disgusted by Rika and shooed her away from their lives. It was all fun and games I honestly think their reaction was understandable given how badly hurted they were when suddenly we were introduced to a "Rika's Circus"... How could something be both hilarious and cruel at the same time?? Seven being the narrator, Jaehee's and Yoosung's exaggeration, Zen talking in monotone, especially Jumin's high-pitched voice and Vanderwood's "why the hell am I here again?" confusion, they were so hilarious I couldn't stop chuckling. ......Sorry that I laughed, what's the password for Wi-Fi in hell?

Entertaining as it is, the "Rika's Circus" thing is still something Cheritz made to guilt trip us. It wasn't real, it was only a dream MC had, but after laughing, we started to feel guilty. Brilliant, I must admit.

Anyway, although I did feel bad for her since V's route actually I still consider what she did is wrong, and no excuse for her actions. You and I, we can understand her, like her, but should never justify her crimes by blaming her past and mental illness. Likewise, V haters could hate him all they/you want, he kinda sorta deserves it with what he did wrong, but don't point fingers at him for the crimes Rika did. Oh yeah, now that I think about it, Saeran is a combination of both V and Rika, don't you think? He was a mentally unstable innocent like V who was exploited and suffered by Rika's hands, then became an abuser himself like Rika. Remember who locked and chained? MC in her room, starved her, verbally abused and kinda sexually harassed her? And then guess who had to sneak in to give MC food to eat hm?

My point is, these 3 characters are flawed as hell and they did so many annoying wrongdoings, but instead of purely hating them, how about trying to understand them? - was probably what Cheritz wanted to convey. Not my words since I have love-hate relationship with them where sometimes I hate them and sometimes I don't. And I still can't like Rika one bit if you ask me, never was, never will.

If you guys read this till the end and agreed with me, then you'd probably love this underrated masterpiece too. It's a parody that whichever fandom you go, you'd still see people using it... the ultimate scene we don't understand but can still enjoy... xD

[hassiegfrieddoneanythingwrong]

I think the craziest pairing I've seen with him (I wouldn't really call it a pairing but more of a kink), is him/tentacles. Although that...fic...was more of a nonsense way by the author to free the Apocrypha copy of him from Gordes. Don't ask for details, I've scrubbed my brain of it in a hurry.

The second craziest being Siegfried/Sigurd and Siegfried/Siegfried (it's an au fic in Chinese so good luck). I swear I found the former somewhere on AO3, and only recall Siegfried viewing Sigurd as a better version of him from when I skimmed it out of morbid curiosity.

But the other pairings/interactions I've found with him that I do like are with Beowulf and Robin. All general and done by the same author way back in 2016. I would have never thought of such an idea (minus Beowulf because it's fun imagining how much he'd bellyache at him over Siegfried gaining powers with dragon blood while he died to dragon blood).

If you know how Robin handles himself in Extra, having Siegfried for a partner would be another drag for him because oh no another chivalry-soaked partner to deal with. But then also think about Robin in Salem, how he advises Ritsuka that no matter how hard they try, they can't save everyone. He cares in his own way. Bit of a shame Robin isn't the same Robin that had a friendship with Richard the Lionheart - otherwise I'd start making parallels if I wrote this pairing.

But man I do love the fic where Siegfried is dragged into a spice eating contest by Jeanne Alter and they win a vacation for it, in exchange for a stomachache. That one was funny.

Ah, but it is nice to speak about crack pairs involving Siegfried, especially since couple servants tend to make it difficult to talk about them without someone getting mad on behalf of a fictional couple who will never thank them for it. Thanks for that.

I've actually read the tentacle one before (back in '20 or '21, one of those years), and it's... definitely something. 😅 I think I've spent too much of my time on the internet to not be that squicked out on it, or something along those lines.

I'm curious - in a slightly twisted way - on the Siegfried x Sigurd ship, since I haven't seen it pop up before. Siegfried x Brynhild, yes, but not with Sigurd. And since they're counterparts to each other, would this be a variation of selfcest? 🤔 Great now I'm going to think too much on this

I haven't really seen Extra (have seen CCC, just not Extra), but I do know that Robin's deal in that entry is that his Master wishes to play fair and Robin... can't really do that as he is. So these two having an interaction, either as a ship or just in a platonic way sounds fun (Robin understands what Kriemhild and Master goes through on the daily 😔)

Ditto for Beowulf, that sounds like a really funny interaction (reminds me of how during the Apoc rerun I found it wild that in Siegfried's raid battle he would drop poisonous needles, like, "why are you dropping poisonous needles honey, is there something that you're not telling me???" lol).

I don't think I've ever seen the Jalter fic that you're talking about, but that also sounds really funny (they won the vacation, but at what cost?).

[sallysgrancanwrite]

Chapter Eighteen

Chloe watched Michael leave but was unsure of what just happened. She went back to the dress she took off. It was the ball gown Edith had picked out. She liked it but it was missing something. It wasn’t quite right. She went to try on the one Beth liked.she didn’t care for the mermaid style but loved the bell sleeves. She then tried on the one with a halter neckline. She kind of liked it but wished she could have some of it in a ball gown.

“What would you want from this on the ball gown?” Glenda asked Chloe.

“I love all the sparkle, in fact it could have more,” she said laughing. “ But in all honesty I’m not finding anything I like. There is something missing from them all.” she sighed.

Chloe didn’t notice that Edith had slipped out of the store momentarily. She had a large box in her hands.

“Since you can’t find a dress of your own then I suppose this might be something you could use, if you want that is. “ Edith handed Chloe the box.

Chloe sat with Beth and opened it up. She unwrapped the tissue paper to find a pure white lace wedding gown. She looked at Edith confused.

“I don’t understand Edith, where did you get this?”

“Honey, that was your momma’s dress. I know it’s old and not exactly what you want but I’m sure Glenda can help you make some changes, can’t you Glenda?” Edith asked.

“Absolutely we can. Let’s get started. What kind of neck line do you want.?” Glenda asked.

“I want sheer fabric that goes up to my neck so you can still see skin through it, and some sparkle encircling the neck. I want the bodice and waist to be satin with embroidery detailing on it. The chest area I want a plunging neckline, just not too much. I want the sleeves the same sheer material as the neckline with lots of sparkle. The bottom I want as a separate skirt with a kremlin and as much sparkle as possible. I think that does it. Is it doable?” Chloe asked.

“I believe so,” Glenda replied. “I have it all written down and will talk to the seamstress.”

“Oh, I almost forgot! Do you have any that are sheer but real sparkly and quite long?” Chloe asked.

Glenda looked around and then told Chloe,

“Here Chloe is a beautiful one. It is sheer, it has delicate sparkles but lots of them and it’s fairly long. What do you think? Do you want to try it on with the ball gown to get some idea of how it will look?” Glenda asked her

Chloe’s face lit up. “Oh it’s beautiful. Yes I’d like to try it on please.”

Edith and Beth waited for her to appear. When she came around the corner she was stunning.

“You are gorgeous Chloe,” said Beth. “I think you picked well.”

Edith looked at her for a moment and said;

“I wish your mother could be here, and your father. They would be so happy for you and proud of the young lady you’ve become.”

Now all three women were crying. They got everything finalized and we’re off to get some lunch before seeing the florist. They grabbed some soup and a sandwich and went to pick out flowers. Chloe’s favorite flower was the purple lilac. They should be blooming when they get married at the end of April. The whole church would be done in lilacs as well as Chloe’s bouquet. It would smell heavenly. It had been a long day so the ladies decided to call it quits and go home. They were beat. When they got home Bob was tinkering in the garage, working on some project, among many.

“So the lost have found their way home,” he laughed at himself.

Edith gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Yes and we’re quite tired. I’m thinking pizza and a movie tonight. Who’s in?” Edith said

Before anyone said anything Bob spoke up.

“How about I go to the Chinese restaurant down the road a ways and do pick up. You girls call it in and I’ll go pick it up.”

“Now that sounds good. I’ll call it in,” said Edith. “Just give me a minute.”

Chloe and Beth both went upstairs to take a bath or shower. Chloe, as always chose a bath. It felt good. Her body was tired. She soaked for quite some time before Beth knocked and stated,

“Edith has ordered supper hon.”

“I’ll be right out,” Chloe said ,as she climbed out and drained the tub. “That felt so good,” she said to herself.

She got downstairs and poured herself a glass of wine and went and made a fire. It was chilly tonight. Then she got comfy on the couch. The couch was so soft you sank down in it. Chloe loved it. She grabbed a blanket and she was ready, wine, soft couch, a blanket and a fireplace, what more could you need. Well family of course. Beth hollered from the kitchen,

“Do you want me to bring the bottle of wine into the living room?”

“Yes please.” said Chloe.

Edith and Beth both came over and got comfy and now they just needed Bob. And food of course. Bob and food. It seemed like it was taking ages and the girls were getting worried. Finally in walked Bob.

“My word, where have you been? I was worried sick”, cried Edith.

“Now I’m okay Dear, I just got a flat tire and had to change it. I had a heck of a time getting the lug nuts off. Lets sit and eat and watch a good movie. And I can warm up by the fire, and my woman,” he laughed.

Edith gave him a small smack and said,

“Oh you! Stay right where you’re at.” They all laughed

The next day they took it easy and just did guest lists, seating arrangements and Chloe called miss Ruby to see if she could play for them at their wedding. She said she would check her book and get back to Chloe.

Bob finally said; “I think you ladies need a break from all the weddin’ planning. Come over to the dinning table and we’ll play cards and have a few drinks for a bit.”

“That does sound good,” said Beth and Edith. “Let’s go Chloe,” they said.

They all got around the table, poured a drink and started playing cards when there was a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it,” Beth said, getting up from the table.

Soon Beth came back with Michael in tow of course.

“Michael,” Chloe said, “what are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to see if you needed any help planning the wedding.”

“We’re taking a break. Do you want to play”? asked Bob

“What y’all playing?” He asked

“Spades,” said Chloe.

“Sure I’ll play,” Michael said.

Michael lost a few hands and that angry side came out. Chloe had to calm him.

“Michael it’s just a game. It’s not a big deal. I hardly ever win.” She said.

“You know they are cheating “Michael whispered angrily.

“Stop it! They don’t cheat and you know it. I think it’s time for you to go home. And apologize for your attitude. “ she said curtly.

“I’m not a child, don’t treat me or talk to me like one!”

“We’ll I’m heading home everyone. And forgive my behavior. I am way too competitive, even at cards. I’ll work at reigning that in. Thanks for everything. Goodnight.” Michael opened the door gave Chloe a kiss goodnight and left. Chloe was embarrassed about how he acted.

“I’m sorry about Michael. With the wedding coming up we’re both a bit stressed.” she said.

“I have work in the morning, I better get to bed.” She remarked.

“Goodnight everyone, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight dear”.

Chloe had so much more to do but she was beat. She was going to bed. Of course when she got to bed she couldn’t shut her mind off with all she had to do. But mostly she thought a lot about her parents and wishing they were hear to enjoy this with her. She was happy she had Bob, Edith and Beth but it’s not like Mom and Dad. A tear rolled down her cheek as she thought of them. She missed them a great deal. She also thought about Michael. She was hoping he didn’t have an angry outburst at the wedding. She didn’t lying for him and covering for him. But she loved him so they would work it out. Finally she got up from the bay window in her room and crawled into bed. It felt so good when she climbed in her bed that she was out seconds after her head hit the pillow. She kept waking up with nightmares about Michael not really wanting to get married. What a stupid dream she thought. If he didn’t want to get married he wouldn’t have asked her, right? Oh great now she is having doubts. Maybe it’s normal jitters. They’ll go away.

[bookwyrminspiration]

and supplemental dude wait i just read your tags in more detail (i am going through your response bit by bit) and once again i do not mind at all!! the loss of language and culture is a thing that happens everywhere it could happen to anyone. and it's, i don't want to say horrific because we're like still alive and vibing and just being people but, painful to have lost so much of it? i kind of grew up pretty surrounded by people who speak khmer and chinese and it's comforting to me even though i don't understand the majority of it beyond some little words here and there, and even if i learned now it's just like. it wouldn't be the same as if i had grown up speaking it, or gotten taught by my family? you know? and then also an embarrassment at having to learn this late and being bad at it (oh to be a baby and able to just walk and say "gwah" to people) etc etc it's HARD. it's RIDICULOUS is what it is. i don't like to stew in it haha it's just this palm-sized piece of grief in me over not being able to understand anything. one day though if either of us remember my dad is going to teach me khmer. because he wants us to get the dad jokes

YEAH!! You get it!! We are still here living and enjoying our lives, like we're not a walking breathing tragedy only containing grief, but there is grief there. Even though we're perfectly fine people. There is horrible tragedy alongside that; they coexist.

I also grew up and live around a lot of people who speak Spanish (large hispanic population percentage wise), and every time I find my attention caught. I just listen like "can I understand them? can I follow?" And usually the answer is disjointedly, but I still love hearing it. And am always so thrilled for the little kids alongside their parents who can understand them and who are going to grow up with the language. Though sometimes it opens up that palm-sized piece of grief and I can't help fervently wishing that could've been me. And what internal battles I wouldn't be waging with myself today if only

Because yeah!! I know I shouldn't be embarrassed and that it happens and I'm not alone, but it can feel so embarrassing to have to learn it late on my own. Babies are all expected to be bad and learning, but at our ages there are some people who are perfectly fluent and some people (me) who are very behind and it's like!! I want to catch up I want to be where you are but I have to struggle through all this unfamiliarity and confusion and mistakes first. And it sucks! The guilt over not speaking what should've been your mother tongue...rip my heart out why don't you. Which could've been entirely avoided if only reasons entirely outside of my control hadn't happened! And no matter how hard I work the fact is still that I had to teach myself and didn't grow up with it...I don't dream in Spanish (babel reference)

I don't like to stew in it either, because I can't do anything about my situation or how I grew up so it just. Hurts. There's just this ache. Maybe one day I'll get over it but I kinda suspect it'll always hurt a little.

I hope your dad teaches you and you can get the dad jokes--no, I don't hope, it will happen, I have faith that you will get that :)

[the-firebird69]

Watch "TRON: LEGACY Official Trailer" on YouTube

It's his son Dan just as he said and then is going to get the Intel a little later tonight and he's going to back him up and he does it all the time this time he really needs it it's a massive Force there okay these are huge horses fighting this force is so big you would choke on it and they're realizing they've been around for a long time doing these things to people and they are afraid they didn't should be we're there too there's a huge number of us the first going against those facilities is so big it's blinding it makes the wall force look like nothing.

Thor Freya

It's a giant Force and your friend Brad is starting to tear up saying I now see what you're saying we need to get that first we shall and I guess my husband said the right words and for crying out loud is one of your leaders and he says I guess that's all they can muster, but seriously he says this may turn DC around and father and mother say no it won't it's going to make them more strongly against us and they'll say they see us in the details and those crap when it was his son doing it and he doesn't really get it but yeah once they drop Tommy off he understands it but until then they'll be doing this weird act they're going to try and turn it on us and they're going to regret it and we're going to be ready it's coming up soon but not that soon let me take them a couple months to get their acting gear it takes another month for them to fix this place at least they're a bunch of hokey assholes asking for help and then we do nothing and we don't feel like helping though and no we're not sending the electric motorcycle Company bike here. He said the bunch of Chinese motorcycles and scans they have show their motorcycles and they couldn't tell which kind they sent about 500 trucks each truck had about 500 motorcycles know about 50 it's not that many but that's what fits so they're 2500 there and really that's not that many but it's enough for the rebels to see that they're here and they went to Texas and ordered tons and they have groups that are waiting and it is intense there's a massive group there and it said earlier we need like trillions of these bikes here tonight and 7:00 this is a huge group of trucks there so we sent them and they're there and they're getting them the hell out of there and that's what it is you can't attract attention waterway in order to use his cover and they have people there and it distributing them as they go and word is spreading. And my husband says to Paul Senior I wish Randall tex cobb could see this and to his son.

Hera lol he held it and they went through this nasty thing and he's falling a pieces and is that laughing cuz I'm going to go out there with the head guy and ruin his entire weekend I'm sure I'll have to pay for it is that his areas Kay he started laughing amazingly is Max plan okay it's good to mention every few minutes John Candy

You said that other stuff I said the above substantive one before my name

Zues Hera Said that

Ok wise guy lol

[pompompurin1028]

I was yesterday years old when I learnt that Akutagawa-sensei had traveled to China

[ruiyuki]

Pixar's Turning Red:

Raw thoughts & reactions bc I'm still reeling that this movie is real. A Disney Pixar film of an Asian Canadian 13 year old set in 2002 Toronto. I need to watch it another 10 times.

10 minutes in and I'm already crying over the graffiti on the walls of Toronto buildings

I am 90% sure I know where that Daisy Mart is

Asdfghjk Ming and Mei even have those Chinese tour guide flags

IS THAT TVB

IS THAT A GODDAMN WUXIAN CANTO DRAMA FROM TVB PLAYING ON FAIRCHILD

BY THE GODS IT ISSSSS

Man, that desolate face of Mei walking out of that convenience store with Ming guiding her shoulder behind her. Oof that hits.

I am also 80% sure I know that building with the fire escape Mei tried to climb...

"Red is a lucky colour" asdfghjk thanks Jin I didnt need to ugly sob not even half way into this movie

The whole presentation of 'Why you should let me go to this concert'... we have all done this before. BIG MOOD.

.. is the reason Ming doesnt like 4*Town bc there is.. the number 4..... that's part of it isnt it..

Mei, Priya, and Abby's parents all saying no to the concert and Miriam's parents saying yes but on your own cash is.. v accurate depiction of POC dynamics w a caucasian in the friend group...

Tyler's house looks like it is.. Forest Hill area??? It's definitely north of Bloor St. That rooftop view from his house looks like it's somewhat near Casa Loma ???

THE AUNTIES.

THE CHANTING. IS CANTONESE??? HELLO????? THIS IS TOO CLOSE TO HOME. THIS. IS. HOME???¿¿¿?¿?¿!!!!

yknow, it didnt occur to me until Grandma Lee broke her jade bracelet that the red pandas were sealed in jewelry. Even when Ming showed her pendant before to Mei. Then the aunties broke theirs too and then it clicked as to why their entrance shots showed off their jewelry. That explains the shot of Mei's flower hair clip when she was getting dressed for the ritual– it would have been what her panda would've been sealed in. Kudos to Director Domee Shi for demonstrating it in such a well-thought-out, subtle way.

Why does Grandpa Gao's sealing sword give me Sailor Moon sceptre vibes....

???? DID NOT EXPECT THIS TO BE PIXAR'S KAIJU MOVIE LMAOOO

Man, knowing that Ming's panda takes up like, 80% of the floor space of the SkyDome hits different when you know how big the SkyDome is asdfghjk

The soundtrack team mixing the Cantonese chanting, the temple's wooden glocks.. and then dropping it in a 4*Town remix??? THAT FUCKING SENT ME.

Teenage Ming was so pretty and I fucking bawled for the whole bamboo forest scene asdfgsjfks

I appreciate that Mei's face takes after her dad with rounder features. Ming and the rest of the Lee ladies have much more pointed features, which is beautiful by itself, but I think there is a saying in Asian cultures (or at least I heard it in Chinese for me), that "daughters take after fathers and sons take after mothers" (???)

Needed to suspend my disbelief for the SkyDome Panda v Pandas fight bc MAN I WISH WE HAD A PANDA-POCALYSE OF 2002 IRL

Good on the small details showing Mei accessorising with those 2000s stretch necklaces/bracelets in the aftermath as a sign of being able to be more of her own self and Ming coming to understand it !!!!

[fizzymilkduds]

Where The Boys Are - Egon Spengler x Reader (Part 2 of 3)

Hi everyone! After adding more detail to this, part 2 is here! I was so happy with all the feedback you all had in the first part and it truly made me so excited to continue with the series. Part 3 will not be out for a little while, with the New Year and an eventual return to university. I would expect it to be complete within the following week, if not the one after.

Warnings: None, I think!

Word Count: 2672

You stirred the cup of coffee you just made, thinking about last night’s revelation at the club. You were in love with Egon yet your wish to be together is intangible. Venting to Peter and Janine helped you more than you expected; the weight on your shoulders is finally gone, though a pang remained in your heart. Sure, it was easier to manage sober, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt anymore. You decided you’d stick to acting the same way you always have, as you didn’t want to bring attention to yourself from the men who literally have degrees in understanding how people act and behave.

From drinking and crying, your head was pounding. No matter how much water and medication you took, it wouldn’t go away. Alas, there was work to be done at the firehouse, which would not wait for hangovers to disappear. Your work, apart from catching ghosts, involved working down in the lab with Egon to assist with his experiments. Coffee would not be a good idea for you as it would more than likely worsen your headache. Instead, this coffee was for the Doctor himself. Despite leaving the party well into the early hours of the morning, he still allowed himself only 14 minutes of sleep before continuing with his duties. You offered to make him something, which he kindly accepted.

You shuffled your way towards the stairs, preventing the coffee for Egon and your own hot chocolate from spilling onto your hands and burning them. As you reached the landing, you could hear Janine arguing with someone on the phone.

“Sir,” Janine huffed, fingers pinching her nose bridge. “Two of our members are stuck in a blizzard and we cannot risk the others’ safety.” After a moment of silence, she rolled her eyes at the voice at the other end of the call. “Calm down, will you? I’ll try and book you in for the next available appointment after the snow isn’t a danger to anyone.” Realistically, Janine was probably not going to do that; since the Ghostbusters rose to fame, their schedules have been full non-stop. There’s no way she would re-arrange their calendars for a single man. “Goodbye.”

The cream-coloured phone was placed back on the receiver with a soft click. She gently snorted before standing to stretch her limbs, letting out a big yawn. “Another call giving you a tough time?” you walked down the stairs, hissing quietly as a drop of the drink spilt onto your knuckle. So much for being careful. Janine nodded her head, allowing her lack of sleep to take over with a large sigh. “Is the coffee for me?” Hoping it to be true, she meekly batted her eyelashes at you as a weak attempt to sway you. “No,” you chuckled, batting your eyelashes back at her jokingly. “Egon and I have been slaving over the proton pack improvements for hours, so I’m getting him something to have a break.” Ever since you joined the team, you’ve gone through hoops to ensure everybody has been getting their proper breaks and rests. More so Egon than others since he’s known to overwork himself.

Suddenly, Peter arrived with bags of Chinese takeaway, holding them close to his body for the warmth they give. The tip of his nose was glowing red, his hair damp with melting snowflakes. He allowed himself to rest against the open door to relish in the heat of the indoors, whilst also allowing it to flow outside. You know, like a dumbass. “The one time I offer to get takeout, I get caught in the middle of a blizzard. I will no longer offer to do good things for you all.” He huffs and sniffs. Roast duck, Kung po chicken, Singapore style noodles, fried rice and who knows what else all make a delicious aroma that leaves your mouth watering. You yelped as the bitter air reached you. “It’s so cold outside!” You’d wrap your cardigan further around your torso, but your hands are busy. “Wow,” he rolled his eyes at your comment, clearly unimpressed. “What a very attentive observation, Y/N. You know, I myself, despite being outside until this very moment, didn’t realise that.” “Peter, close the damn door!” Janine was vigorously rubbing her arms to recover the body heat that was being sapped away from her.

“Alright, alright.” Finally, he closed the door, letting the room heat up once again. He looked around in vague confusion. He could see you and Janine, obviously, and he could hear Egon tinkering downstairs. “I’m guessing the genius is in the lab working, but where’s Winston and Ray? Don’t tell me they’re trapped at their call.” “Yeah,” Janine huffed, “It was a serious ghost apparently, and Ray said he’d rather capture it before it was too dangerous.”

Earlier this morning, they received a call about a very aggressive spirit that was throwing books and small objects around. Ray concluded that if they didn’t go there as soon as possible, then it wouldn’t be long until the owners of the home would be injured. Given that the owners had just had a baby, he was willing to risk his safety for the family.

“Well, given this weather we aren’t doing any more jobs today.” Peter eyed the bags he was holding hungrily. “If you need me, I’ll be eating my portion of the food and then immediately going to bed. I am going to hibernate like a bear.” “Promise me you won’t touch my spring rolls!” You pouted. “Last time you ate all of mine before you even got here.” “What?” Peter feigned shock; a hand pressed against his chest. “I’d never do that to you Y/N. You’re my favourite broad in this city!” “So, Dana’s not your favourite anymore?” You raised your eyebrow, eager to mess with him. “Well,” Peter flashed a smile, eager to mess with you in return. “Dana is my favourite beautiful lady. She’d take offence to being called a broad.” “Oh, so I’m not beautiful?” you piped up, making your way to the lab. “I know I’m not the Ghostbuster you want to get compliments from.” Knowing you were in a better mood than the night before, Peter let himself slip out the joke as he sauntered upstairs into the kitchen. Janine held back her laugh as she saw you slink down to the basement in embarrassment, mumbling an excuse about cold coffee. “Wait, Y/N, before you go!” You peaked your head above the bannister, waiting for Peter to continue. “Yes?” “I still can’t believe how flustered you got when Winston told you about Egon’s slime experiment. Who’d have known you’d discover kinks on the job?”

This time, Janine was unable to hold back. Her contagious laugher radiated through the firehouse, eliciting your own in response. You do vaguely remember Winston telling you jokes on the way home from the club last night to cheer you up. But you distinctly remember that particular anecdote and how it stirred a range of emotions within you. Were you embarrassed? Sure, but you cannot deny the truth Peter put forward, not that you’d ever let him or anyone else know. You composed yourself, giggling once more. “Right, I really have to give this to Egon before it gets cold.” Meekly, you went back down the stairs, finally getting away from the teasing, even in only for a while. Chuckling, Peter disappeared from your sight, making his way up to the kitchen.

Silence fell upon the firehouse once more before the phone began to ring again. Janine took no time to pick up. “Ghostbusters, what do you need?” Holding a pen in hand, she waited for the potential client to describe their encounter. “Oh, you’re the guy who called earlier. Listen I already-” Her eyes widened in surprise “Shut up, no way. I’m not hearing you correctly. You’ll pay $1.2 million?”

Peter practically flew down the stairs, curious about the conversation. “$1.2 million?!” he cried. Janine waved her hand to quieten Peter, her brows furrowed in concentration. “Y-yes, sir, I have Dr Venkman here; I’ll discuss it with him. Please give us a moment.”

Her chair spun around to face Peter, unable to hide the smile on her face. “It’s the owner of The Bond Hotel! He said he would pay $1.2 million for the bust. Not only that, but he’s also offering a room for the Ghostbusters to spend the night in.” Janine fiddled with the cord between her fingers for a moment, a distant look in her eyes. Suddenly, Peter’s voice cut through the air. “Janine, I think the time has come to initiate our plan.” His eyes flicked over to the basement stairs, a devious glint accompanying them. Janine’s head tilted in confusion, “Now? They can’t get far in this cold without Ecto! Hey, what are you-” Peter leapt over the desk to grab the receiver from Janine.

“Good evening, my good Sir! Dr Venkman speaking.” Peter jumped back onto the floor, brushing out the small wrinkles in his shirt to appear more professional, even though he isn’t visible. Again, he’s a dumbass. “We here are absolutely delighted at your kind payment. Due to unforeseen circumstances, Dr Stantz and Mr Zeddemore will be unable to assist you with your ghostly needs. However, Dr Spengler and our recent recruit are available to scout out that pesky ghost for you. Just one thing though,” Looking at Janine, he gave her a sneaky wink, to which she rolled her eyes. “Is it possible for you to give us the most lavish, expensive room you have? Perhaps a honeymoon suite? You know, with the demanding work on the body and the weight of the proton packs, we do need our beauty sleep afterwards and I assume the suite has the best mattress for the job. Ah, magnificent. They’ll come by as soon as possible, where they will ask further questions on the apparition.” With that, he hung up the phone and had the plan set in motion.

“Venkman, you’re insane! The plan was for you and Dana to go on a double date with Y/N and Egon and then ditch them, so they’d be alone!” She stage-whispered. “Also, it’s too cold for them to walk all the way to the hotel!”

“Eh, it’s only 5 or so blocks away, they won’t die.” Janine gave Peter a deadpan look, not impressed with the reasoning at all. “Janine, think of it this way. We’ll get $1.2 million, AND the sexual tension between those two nerds will finally be gone! God, I’m such a genius!” He ran his hands through his hair and smiled madly, slamming the alarm button before running up the stairs. “Hey, I won’t let you get the bragging rights for setting them up. I took the phone call!”

---------

Egon was quickly scribbling in the margins of his previous notes and annotating diagrams. The gentle humming and buzzing of the equipment in the room acted as white noise, lulling Egon into a state of calm. Next to him on the desk were your two proton packs, which required a reshuffling of all the other equipment and reams of paper to have space to put them down. It was a messy workspace, but it was the type of mess where things were easy to find. Besides, only Egon, Ray and you ever really needed to find something down here. But more recently, you and Egon have been working together since you noticed a detail in the proton pack design that could be adapted, to which Egon was more than happy to help you.

Throughout your careers together, he has grown to sentimentalise you. It’s only natural that as human beings, you nurture and care for those around you; it’s how the species has survived for so long. However, this connection and urge to care for you as a friend has grown far more than Egon could have expected. Since holding your hand yesterday, he couldn’t focus properly on anything. The warmth that radiated from you went straight to his core, adding fuel to the fire he already had in his heart for you. Egon, once able to put aside this feeling for so long, was no longer to ignore it since yesterday and, much like yourself, was unsure what to do. He had theories, but he didn’t want to test them for the fear of losing your friendship.

Out of the corner of his vision, a ceramic mug slid into view. The steam rising from the drink began to fog his glasses, causing the person next to him to laugh. He could recognise that laugh anywhere, as he often tries to get that noise to come from you. “Hi, Egon!” you smiled, holding your cup with both hands. “I’m back with your coffee. You’ve been working super hard today and you need a break.” Your heart may be in ruins, but that won’t stop you from treating Egon with the care you’ve always shown him. “Thank you, Y/N.” His baritone voice saying your name made you yearn for him more. “But I’m so close to coming up with a breakthrough on our theory. I don’t want to stop now.” He gently removed his glasses and wiped them on the hem of his jumper. A glassless Egon was a rare, but very welcome sight. With or without them, he looks incredibly sweet and charming. Still, you tame your thoughts, taking a moment to humble yourself.

You take a seat next to him, in your usual spot. Looking at him, you sip on your hot chocolate and nod at his statement. “Ok then,” you pretended to look upset. “I guess I’ll just have to eat these twinkies all by myself.” Digging into your cardigan pockets, you toss 4 twinkies onto Egon’s notes. “I got these thinking of you.” A small smirk appeared on your face as you saw a gleam in his eyes. He licked his lips, deciding to go along with your offer after all. “Maybe I can help you with those. A single twinkie has 62% of your daily sugar allowance. Four of those cannot be good for you.” “Oh yeah? Well, that’s ironic coming from you, Dr Spengler.” You slowly took a bite from said sweet, the creamy filling making you wonder, is that what his kisses would taste like? “Do as I say, not as I do.” He smirked back towards you, deeply enjoying how you bring a side of him that he fights to suppress.

Before he even got the chance to sink his teeth into the twinkie he was holding, the firehouse alarm began to blare, making the both of you jump out of your seats.

Egon pushed his glasses back onto his face, quickly changing from his ribbing mood into a more serious one. As he runs up every third step, you were quickly behind him, wondering why on earth a call was accepted, especially when two of your team members were snowed in at another bust. Egon looked at Janine, expecting her to fill the both of you in on the call. Janine looked as if she was a doe caught in headlights, but she quickly covered it up with her signature deadpan stare. “The Bond Hotel. Only you two have to go.” “What? But there’s a blizzard outside!” you proclaimed in disbelief, eyeing Janine as if she lost her head. “We can’t go there, we’ll die!” Egon nodded in agreement, “It is not the smartest idea for us to walk outside in the negative temperatures. We could potentially get hypothermia.” His eyes quickly shifted to you, more concern for you than himself. “He said he’d pay us 1.2 million.” She looked at the both of you above her glass’ frame, knowing how your minds would change quickly.

Your eyes widened in shock. For that amount of money, you would do anything. Well, mostly anything. You turned to face Egon, a look of determination on your face. “Let’s get changed and go.”

Tag List: @thisbuildingshouldbecondemned @spenglers-spectacles

Finding the perfect hotel for this was a nightmare. It had to be close enough to the location of the firehouse, whilst also keeping true to the history of the ’80s. As most of the grand hotels are around Central Park, it was a real goose chase. I could easily come up with a fake hotel, but to me, it just wouldn’t feel right to ignore what’s already there. This hotel is the oldest running one in NY. It opened up in 1845 as The Gerard House, before its next change into The Bond Hotel in the ’80s. Most recently, it became known as the Cosmopolitan Hotel before, again, being rebranded into the Frederick Hotel in 2017. From what little I could find, I hope this makes sense lmao.

[h0neypjm]

Confident 02 | jjk

↳ Summary: After giving Jungkook the best suck of his life he’s left wondering if what you said was true. Was it really your first time? ‘Cause Jungkook thinks you might’ve lied.

↳ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

↳ Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, college au, fuckboy! jk, our fav cheeky virgin reader!

↳ Rating: 18+

↳ Word count: 8.8k

↳ Warnings: swearing, mentions of past toxic relationship, mentions of being pressured into sex, mentions of body image, mentions of stds, Jungkook being very confused, no smut in this part

↳ a/n: here it is !!! thank you for all the love for the first part, i hope you enjoy this part ! please feel free to leave any feedback <3 

↳ Series: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04

Previously...

“She said it's her first time.” He pauses, looking up at his friends' concerned faces. “I think she might’ve lied.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Jungkook groans, cradling his head before banging it on the table. The utensils on the table rattle and clang, bringing unwanted attention to his mini breakdown. Taehyung is quick to place his hand under Jungkook's forehead just as he goes in for another blow. “Ok, Jungkook- Jungkook!” Jimin giggles beside him. “Fucking stop, people are staring.”

Jungkook pauses and subtly peeks out of his long bangs, checking to see that Taehyung’s words were indeed true. He breathes out and sits up in his chair, fixing his shirt to play off that he wasn’t just having a mental meltdown.

Jimin rolls his eyes, “soooo are you gonna talk now, cause’ I have a horrible headache and you’re really not helping.”

Jungkook nods opening his mouth to speak. “Alright so uh, I met a girl last night and-”

“I thought you went home?” Taehyung shoves Jimin’s shoulder and Jungkook glares, “yeah, well that clearly didn’t happen.” He rubs his temples, “could you do me a favour and let me speak first, and then you can ask the questions. Ok?”

The two boys nod, settling into their seats as Jungkook delves back into his story.

“Alright so anyways, I saw this girl and like, I haven’t ever seen her before? She was literally perfect”. He exhales looking at nothing at particular as he continues. “Gorgeous face, prettiest lips and oh! speaking of her lips, God the way she sucked-”

Despite what Jungkook said earlier, Taehyung feels the need to intervene. “Ok as much as I love a good suck myself, I need you to stop here, we don’t need the graphics.” Jimin nods in agreement even though it’s clear he’s not paying an ounce of attention. Jungkook smirks at the memory, but it soon drops as he remembers one tiny detail. He places his hands on the table, total seriousness etched onto his face. “But here’s the kicker, she said it was her first time.”

Confusion. 

“So did you or did you not take her virginity?”Jungkook crosses his arms. “No, after that she just up and left.” “Wait, fuck”, Jungkook suddenly realises, “I didn’t even make her cum”, he groans and Taehyung bursts into laughter. This finally garners Jimin’s attention, his dazed eyes squinting. “Who’s the girl?” Jungkook sighs, “if you were listening before you would’ve heard me say that I don’t know her.” Jimin leans forward,“well can you at least describe her? I pretty much know everyone who attended the party”

Jungkook doesn’t have to think that hard. “She was wearing this plaid skirt and like a white top-” Jimin’s eyes widen, “Holy shit, Y/N?! Man, Jin’s gonna kill you.” This makes Jungkook pause, thoughts running back to the text he had received from Jin. “Wait, they’re not a thing are they?” Jimin chokes, “God no, they’ve been family friends since like forever, Jin’s practically her protective older brother.”

That explained his text earlier. Jungkook furrows his brows, more questions beginning to arise and spill out of his mouth. “How come I’ve never met her and if she’s a virgin, then how- how did-”, Taehyung cuts in, “dude she’s done other things before.” More confusion. “And how would you know that?” Taehyung smirks, shrugging as he gets up out of his chair. “I'm gonna get a drink, Jimin, you want anything?” God, his head is spinning. “Sure, you know my usual.”

It was the way Taehyung spoke too casually, like your lifestyle choices were common knowledge. How the fuck hasn’t he met you, yet his friends seem to be well acquainted with your existence? “What the fuck was that look?” He focuses on Taehyung from where he orders his drinks. “Did you see it Jimin? Kinda sus.”

Jimin remains nonchalant, blowing a strand of hair out of his sight before answering one of Jungkook’s urgent queries. “Jin never introduced you to her because well…” He looks Jungkook up and down with an unimpressed look. “You would get your grimy hands on her immediately. And Then after that, It’s like she never existed ” Jungkook opens his mouth, rebuttal on the tip of his tongue. “Don’t argue with me boy, the second you met her, you already wanted her on your dick, did you not?”

Jungkook is shocked to say the least, jaw hanging open as Taehyung makes his way back to the table, drinks in hand. “Oh God, what did you tell him?” Jungkook slams his fist on the table, yet again grabbing the attention of people around them. “That is not true! I have standards, and what about you two. You guys are just as bad.” He points accusingly at the bruises peeking out of Taehyung’s loose shirt, “Look at Tae! Those hickies are probably a combination of the three girls he fucked last week!”

Jimin doesn’t want to get kicked out of the cafe, so he attempts to calm down a soon to be raging Jungkook. “Look, to put it nicely, you’re a heartbreaker, you lead girls on whereas Tae and I actually tell people we’re not interested in anything more than a hookup.”

Jungkook seems to understand where he’s coming from. He can admit, he does have quite the reputation if the amount of times he’s been slapped in the face says anything. But now, with this newfound information, he can also admit that you’ve certainly intrigued him, that was for sure.

Jungkook wants to see you again.

Not for a rump in the sheets, but rather a friendly conversation. 

It was just his luck that he had heard through the grapevine that you had been invited to one of Jin’s small pool party get togethers. If Jungkook was being honest, he’s quite excited to be within your vicinity again but he knows he needs to keep his cool. Especially after the series of death threats and slaps on the neck from Jin. He shudders at the memory.

And so, Jungkook prepares himself more than he usually does. He wants to do it right this time. No flirty teasing, just friendly innocent conversation. He makes sure to carefully pick out the right swim shorts that display the thickness of his thighs. Not for any sexual gain, more so to show off the hours spent at the gym in hopes that maybe he can get you to become more interested in him as he is to you. He sounds desperate, and he’s sure you’re not that materialistic, but he has this nagging want to impress you somehow. He huffs and does a few pushups, for extra measure of course.

He’s not sure as to why his brain decided to make him act this way. You’re more or less a stranger to him. However, when Jungkook begins his short journey to Jin’s house he really lets himself think, which usually isn't a good idea. 

Jungkook doesn’t know you, but you’ve definitely left an imprint in his mind which makes you all the more fascinating. It’s news to him that you seem to be very close to his small circle of friends which is probably thanks to your deeply rooted friendship with Jin. That new piece of information had been bugging him since the day he met up with Taehyung and Jimin. Surely his reputation couldn’t be the only reason why you’ve never met him. Right?

Parking his car in Jin’s enormous driveway, he makes his way up to the grand front door. Sometimes he wishes he could live a life like Jin. He grew up being fed with a silver spoon his whole life. Having everything paid for instead of rolling in the miseries of college student debt.

Once Jungkook makes his way into the large house, he sets down the drinks he had brought onto the kitchen counter and watches his best friends goof around and enjoy the summer sun with a warm grin. He chuckles quietly when Jin pushes Jimin and his perfectly styled hair into the pool. Jimin screams a slur of curses while Jin quickly runs beside a sleeping Yoongi for protection.

Slipping out of his loose oversized shirt, Jungkook scans the entirety of Jin’s backyard, looking for the face that has been haunting him since that fateful night. She’s not here. He reexamines the pool seeing nothing but the chaotic mess of his favourite people, and he sighs. Just as he prepares to step out into the blazing sun, the sound of his stomach growling stops him in his tracks. 

Thinking about you made him nervous. So nervous that his stomach couldn’t bear the thought of breakfast. However, after the realisation that you hadn’t arrived just yet, makes him do a full one eighty, long strides taking him to Jin’s expensive fridge.

His head is already deep into the fridge when he hears the sound of the sliding door opening, revealing a dripping Jin with a small scowl on his face. It seems Jimin finally got his revenge. “I’m starving you got any leftovers?” Jungkook queries, his head popping out from the cool air of the fridge.

Jin grabs a fresh towel and whacks it against Jungkook’s naked back. “What’s the point of even asking when you’re already going through my damn fridge!” Jungkook flashes Jin an innocent grin and glows when he discovers a small bowl of Chinese takeout. 

It very quickly dawns on Jungkook that in order to enjoy a nice warm meal, he would need to heat it up. His stomach all but roars, not used to the lack of food in its system and Jungkook wants to cry. He wants to cry and it's not from the angry hunger pains, but rather something extremely laughable. He has to use a fucking microwave. 

You’re running late, there’s sweat running down your brow and you feel like your arms will fall off any second. The weight of snacks and alcohol you had brought making you stagger as you finally enter Jin’s enormous home.

The one and only thing that’s on your mind is the refreshing feeling of slipping into Jin’s pool while sipping on an iced beverage. This motivates you enough to put all the strength left in your exhausted being to speedily walk into the kitchen and throw everything onto the counter. 

“AHH FUCK!” You flinch at the sudden scream, hugging your body protectively. Jungkook slowly pops out from behind the other side of the counter, his doe eyes big and wide. “You fucking scared me Jesus!” He exclaims, running a hand through sweaty bangs.

The air had escaped your lungs long before you could utter your next sentence as the sight before you has you freezing. There he was, Jeon Jungkook in all his glory. Tanned skin and taut muscle sculpted by the Gods. You didn’t mean to stare, but how could you not! Your eyes had a mind of their own. He’s glorious, every single part of him, and you’re not even afraid to admit it. Your eyes are quick to eat him up, tracing the art staining the whole of his right arm and you wonder what every swirl of ink means to him.

Jungkook coughs awkwardly, going in to scratch at his neck. You imagined he would tease you about your obvious ogling, but it never came. Strange. “Why were you hiding?” You ask, dropping your gaze from his body in order to arrange the snacks into neat piles, using it as an excuse to slowly step closer to him. “Oh! Uh-”, he scratches his head, looking down at his feet before jumping five feet into the air, a startled gasp leaving his lips when the timer of the microwave goes off. 

You burst into laughter and Jungkook flushes in embarrassment. Jin had told you about Jungkook’s embarrassing fear of microwaves but you never thought you would see it first hand. You hold in the laughs that tickle your throat and try to settle him down by lightly touching his shoulder. He flinches at your touch.

“Are you okay?” You’re really close to him now. Your chest is practically pressed up against his and Jungkook gulps. How was it possible that you could look even more stunning than the last time he saw you? Your cheeks are glowing from the soft golden rays of the afternoon sun and the way you look up at him, your soft smile curling makes his head spin.

“Yeah, I’m good”, he breaks eye contact in embarrassment. “Sorry, just uh, microwaves are scary you know?” You giggle up at him. Is this really Jungkook? The Jungkook you’ve seen flaunting a new girl every week just to abruptly break her heart when he can’t promise anything more than sex? 

You’re not complaining, he’s quite adorable like this.

You’re not too sure why his personality has the sudden switch up. It could possibly be the fact that he’s with his closest friends and doesn’t feel the need to put up his playboy persona. Although, the way he blushes when he looks at you plays a different story. Do you make him nervous? Surely not, if the memories of that heated night are anything to go by.

“So uh, are you gonna head into the pool?” His empty stomach is long forgotten as he gestures to the large backyard, you nod up at him excitedly. It’s then Jin decides to bust back into the kitchen, a stern gaze set on his face. “Y/N, can I speak with you for a minute?” Jungkook cautiously takes a step away from you, your bodies no longer close to each other and you notice this with a small frown.

“Yeah, sure”, you relent walking over to Jin who places a protective arm around your shoulders. Unknowingly to you, Jin traps Jungkook down with a hard stare and signals Jungkook to go outside, to which he accepts with a nod.

“I know what you’re gonna say, and no I do not see him like that”, you cross your arms defensively. Jin sighs, “I just don’t wanna see you get hurt again.” He places his hands on your shoulders, full lecture mode on. “Let’s face it, you’re a hopeless romantic, I can’t trust that you won’t do something stupid, but you and Jungkook… You’re both important friends of mine and-” 

You’ve heard his overprotective brotherly speech plenty of times, “I know, and I’m so thankful that you’re looking out for me. I just don’t see the harm in befriending him, you’ve never let me speak to him before.” Jin releases his hold on your shoulders to fix the mess of his wet hair, “and there's a reason for that.”

Why was he so damn hard-headed. Jin loves Jungkook like he loves his family. It just didn't make any sense to you that Jin could approve of their friendship but when it comes to you, he completely shields you away from any interactions with the so called playboy. 

“When are you going to stop protecting me from boys?” Jin senses your frustration immediately. “I may be younger than you, but I’m also an adult just like you. An adult that can make her own choices.” You exhale slowly, “You’ve let me befriend your whole group and they’ve been nothing but wonderful to me, I don’t see the wrong in getting to know Jungkook.” 

Jin lets his guard down. You do have a point, maybe he was being a little too overprotective. He gives you a soft smile, you look away. 

“You’re right, I am in no position to dictate your decisions and who you choose to hang around with, it was wrong of me to treat you like that. Jin looks out into the pool, watching Jungkook tackle Taehyung. “I’m sorry I was a bit too harsh, Jungkook’s a good kid, he just got into the wrong crowd at first. Although, you gotta promise to tell me if he hurts you, cause he knows I’ll beat his ass.” 

You laugh accepting his apology, “are you sure about that? He’s a literal muscle pig.” You both begin to make your way outside and Jin shoves you slightly, “hey! You know I’m right.” Jin shakes his head and brings you into a comforting hug. “Yeah, yeah whatever.” He rolls his eyes, you beam up at him and together you walk out into the warm sunlight.

It hadn’t even been a second since you stepped outside, and already Yoongi’s long term girlfriend, Jieun is squealing your way. “Y/N! I’m so happy you're finally here, the amount of testosterone out here was starting to make me feel faint.” You giggle at her exasperated tone, pulling her into a tight hug. 

Nonchalantly you peel off your flowy sundress, it’s stickiness from your sweat making you cringe. “I missed you last week, why didn’t you come to class?” Jiuen pouts, “I'm sorry bub, I somehow caught a cold, but I trust you have some notes for me.” 

The way Jieun flutters her lashes at you innocently forces a roll from your eyes. Slathering sunscreen onto your arms, you reprimand her, “I swear you’re only using me for my notes, you literally never listen in class! Can you get my back please?”

She hums while you turn around, her small hands kneading sunscreen from your shoulder bones to the small dip in your back. Jieun continues to blabber on about the joys of life, not even checking if you’re listening to a single word she says. Instead your eyes are zeroed in on a certain someone.

Your staring is blatantly obvious but you don’t care. It’s only when Taehyung spots your burning gaze with a small smirk does he signal Jungkook to turn around to meet your flirty grin.  

Holy shit

The sun does a real great job of highlighting the gorgeous curves of your body adorned in quite possibly the smallest baby blue bikini he’s seen on a woman. Your breasts practically spill out of the tiny triangle cups and the pretty colour compliments your skin beautifully. 

Whilst Jungkook can admit you have one of the hottest bodies he’s seen in a while, his eyes surprisingly don't linger on your delicious curves for too long. Instead, he finds himself utterly enamoured by the way your eyes crinkle slightly when you smile prettily at him, your cheeks glowing with it. 

It suddenly dawns on him that you are the first girl that has truly enchanted him, and no, your ridiculously gorgeous body had little to do with it. 

Jungkook does not mind this change one bit. 

So, instead of staring at you like a gaping goldfish, he matches your flirtatious body language with a boyish grin and a small wave. His previous nerves dissipating only to be replaced by confidence and polished charm. He doesn’t want to scare you off with his sudden look of epiphany just yet, but the new unfamiliar feeling you give him is surely doing exactly that.

“My, my, Yoongi wasn’t lying.” Jieun stifles a giggle when she notices how Jungkook’s attention has steered towards you and only you. You’re quick to turn around, brows furrowed. “What are you on about?” 

“Oh you know… You and Jungkook”

You grimace, tired of the repeated topic of conversation. “Just because I sucked his dick once does not mean we're a thing” 

“Oh really? He’s asked me an awful lot of questions about you I was beginning to think otherwise”

“Wait, really?”

Jieun has the widest cheshire grin plastered on her face, it's starting to look quite unsettling.

“Really.”

You’re thoroughly shocked to say the least. You thought your fast, fleeting blowjob, sort of, was nothing special. A usual escapade to get his daily fill. Ordinary. Unmemorable.

However, it seems to be quite the opposite.

Jieun grabs your hand and swings it back and forth, exactly like a mother would do, although she’s merely two years older than you. “I know Jin’s been up your ass about Jungkook and frankly I don’t blame him he’s still a little shit from time to time but, he’s actually quite fun to be around and honestly I think his playboy tendencies seemed to dial down a bit since he met us.” The two of you giggle quietly amongst each other, quick feet making your way closer to the pool to avoid the scorching pavement.

Your toes are the first to dip into the pool and you practically moan at the cold water melting away the blistering haze that sticks onto your skin. The water is icy at your waist and you love it. “So my advice would be not to worry about him, instead it's his little army of plastic bimbos that you should watch out for.” 

“Ahh, internalised misogyny. We love to see it.” 

Jieun acknowledges you with a hum as the two of you float around the calming abyss. She then swims closer to you, nodding her head into the direction of a lonely Jungkook, who lazily stares at your alluring form. “I think your loverboy over there wants to talk to you.”

Jieun swims away before you can protest, leaving you to face the handsome man before you. His eyes are round and docile, yet his stare is tantalising, it pulls you in as if he’s slowly reeling you in with a rope. 

The water delicately ripples around your body when you approach him and you internally sigh in awe at the striking features of his stunning face. You want to use this opportunity to finally get to know him, and perhaps form a new friendship. 

You take note of the lack of Jin’s hawk-like eyes or for better the lack of any eyes on the two of you. You’re alone, huddled into one of the far corners of the pool, your conversation private, just for two pairs of ears. 

You open your mouth to speak, “So-”

“I-”

An uncomfortable silence stills the air and you both halt your words to giggle quietly amongst yourselves. God, this is awkward. 

“You go first”, You offer, tucking a wet strand of hair behind your ear. Jungkook follows the subtle movement of your fingers before taking a deep breath. 

“I feel like we should discuss the elephant in the room”

You're stunned. “Huh?”

“You know… That Friday night?”

Of course you knew what he was referring too, yet you wondered why as you honestly didn’t think that night had much impact on the man. 

With a raised brow you ask, “What about it?”

“I’ve just had a lot of... thoughts”

You scratch your head feeling puzzled. You’re sure Jungkook has had better blowjobs in his lifetime. Hell, Jungkook did most of the work that night. “Do you usually discuss the past hookups you have, or am I just lucky today?”

You’re teasing him, nevertheless Jungkook tilts his head back towards the sky. All he wants is clarification, only this conversation is heading down an awkward path, so he decides to spit out what’s been bothering him for the past few days.

“Okay listen, I know this is odd to say, but ever since that night, It’s like I can’t get you out of my head.”

Your ego inflates at his statement and you smirk. You knew you could suck dick well, but according to Jungkook you seem to have quite the talent.

You smile proudly, “damn, look at me go, I can’t believe I have the campus playboy wrapped around my finger.”

Jungkook scoffs, both in annoyance and embarrassment because shit, he could have worded that differently, now he sounds like the clingy girls he fucks.

“Yeah, yeah let’s not pretend like I was the only one enjoying myself here. Weren’t you the one practically begging to be touched?” 

You’re amused. “Weren’t you the one who couldn’t make me cum. Yet came from their own handjob?”

Jungkook tongues his cheek and looks away. The way you speak so casually intimidates him. No girl has ever spoken to him this way, in fact, Jungkook’s the one who usually likes to tease. He can slowly feel the creeping heat alighting his cheeks and God does he hope you don’t notice.

You patiently wait for Jungkook’s reply, a sly grin adorned on your pretty face. However, Jungkook doesn’t say anything, rather he frowns and immaturely splashes water at your face. 

“Jungkook!” You sputter, wiping at your face to rid of the chlorine in your eyes. “What the fuck was that for?”

He shrugs, “sorry my hand must’ve slipped”

You don’t take that for an answer, your petty nature crawling out as you splash him back harder than he had done. “Hand slipped, my ass.”

You cross your arms smugly, a small laugh blossoming out of your mouth when Jungkook cutely rubs at his eyes. 

It’s after a minute when you realise Jungkook hasn’t stopped furiously rubbing his eyes. The circular motions of his hand move so intensely that it begins to look painful and irritating. “Fuck, it stings”, he exclaims in agony.

Shit, you inwardly curse, gently touching his wrist, concern lacing your features because you didn’t think getting chlorinated water in one's eye would sting that much. You analyse his facial expressions closely and you wince at the redness surrounding his eyes from his harsh rubbing. 

On the contrary, Jungkook knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s competitive and won’t back down from a fight, even if it’s just fun banter, so he continues his little scheme just for the fun of it and hides his small grin under his large hands.

You’re now slightly panicked, “fuck, Jungkook I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit the water that hard I-”

Jungkook cracks.

Ever so slowly, he peeps his eyes out at you and watches with a mischievous smirk as your face morphs from alarmed to annoyed in less than a millisecond.

You tighten your grip on his wrist and attempt to slap his hard chest with your free hand, however Jungkook’s reflexes are fast and he grasps your hand tightly, a teasing glint in his eye. 

“You little shit-”

All of a sudden a loud holler is heard from the front door, rousing a relaxed Jin out of his chair as he sprints while simultaneously yelling at the ruckus being made. It’s then a stampede of both familiar and unfamiliar faces come crashing in. Some jump straight into the pool to cool off from the blazing sun while others rush to the table of assorted alcohol, desperate to get an ounce of it in their system.

Word seemed to go around about Jin’s supposed small get-together unbelievably fast, causing the once tranquil Kim Seokjin into a raging volcano. 

You’re pressed right up against Jungkook’s solid chest and he surprisingly pays you no mind, even though your perky tits are deliciously pushed up perfectly against his body. Jungkook’s eyes are not settled on them, rather he pays close attention to the amount of people dangerously plunging into the pool at a fast rate.

Jungkook protectively hugs your shoulders to shield you from the rowdy party goers who definitely do not understand the definition of personal space. Your heart swells when he then delicately places your head in the crook of his neck and wraps an arm around your fairly exposed body, essentially guarding you from frantic wet limbs and ignorant individuals.

You feel comfortable and safe, so comfortable that you wouldn’t mind staying like this for a while if it weren’t for the throng of college students delving into the cooling water. 

Jin’s house begins to fill with unexpected guests very quickly and you wonder how Jin is handling the situation. You suppose not very well when you see him whipping people with towels, red ears making an appearance and his booming voice following him.

Jungkook wants to get out and he’s sure you feel the same way which is why he smoothly slots his hand into your own, long fingers wrapping around your hand to carefully pull you through the growing crowd of people in the pool.

Whilst pushing past a variety of college students you are met with many stares, even worse, numerous envious eyes and whispers of possible gossip. You try your best to avoid their gazes, the hard stares reminding you of the last time Jungkook held your hand to push through groups of people. 

Water drips down the curves of your body and lands in little pools around you when you step out of the pool. At this point you’ve garnered even more turning heads that examine every inch of your skin closely. Their stares itch your skin and you feel akin to an animal kept in a zoo enclosure, curious eyes breaking down your confidence, you want to hide. 

You usually like to pride yourself on your confidence because you know you’re hot and you know your worth. It had taken many failed relationships to build up your self love and nourish the scars and memories of questioning if you’re good enough. 

You fight on and squeeze Jungkook’s hand, mostly for some sort of reassurance. It shocks you when he astonishingly squeezes back and softly rubs his thumb over the back of your hand. It’s almost as if he knows how you’re feeling. 

You glance up at him shyly. Jungkook keeps his eyes straight ahead. He smiles a different kind of smile than the one he had directed to you a few hours ago. His lips are in a permanent smug smirk. His usual playboy smile. He flashes it at everyone as if he’s asking for their approval and even goes in to high-five a few people who are unrecognisable to you. You soon realise that this is what Jungkook thrives on. People, validation and his notorious reputation he’s created for himself.

Jungkook lights up at the presence of crowds, flirty smiles and people calling his name, whereas you want to crawl into your skin and run away because from the perspective of outsiders it looks like you’re just another one of Jungkook’s flings that will soon be forgotten by next week.

Well, you hope you won’t turn out to be one of them.

At last you find yourself away from the heart of the party, your dress in hand but your body still wet nonetheless. Jungkook is in the same state as yourself, droplets of water dribbling from his dark hair and onto the timber flooring. He leans into your ear, “I’ll go get us some towels, stay here.”

He’s gone before you can reply, making small conversation when he passes by various people, his boisterous laugh echoing down the halls. 

You’re alone now, and defenceless at that. There’s not many people you know here, besides the few odd people you share a class with and some sleazy frat boys that hold a similar reputation to Jungkook. You want to find Jieun so you can hug her or maybe ask her if she can take you home, but she is nowhere to be found.

Fuck, You remember leaving your bag on the kitchen table, unsupervised with many personal belongings stowed away inside. Using your dress to cover the most of your exposed skin like a blanket, you stride over to the kitchen and sigh in relief when you find your bag untouched and in perfect condition.

Snatching up your bag, you grab your phone and immediately text Jieun to find out where the fuck she’s hiding, but there’s a part of you that knows she’s probably fucking Yoongi somewhere. Traitor.

Jungkook finds you to be in a completely different part of the house than where he asked you, one towel wrapped around his neck and the other draped over his arm. You haven’t noticed him yet, your frantic fingers texting a treacherous Jieun, “princess, didn’t I tell you to stay put?”

You’re startled. Switching your phone off you stick your arm out, waiting for Jungkook to pass you the towel but he doesn't. Jungkook gently pushes your shoulders so that you turn away from him and carefully wraps the towel around your body like a cape. You hold the edges of the fabric to help him hug the towel around yourself, keeping it tighter to your body.

Your voice is quiet, “thank you.”

Jungkook leans down to meet your face, “What was that?”

Even though Jungkook had been in the pool longer than you, his cologne still sticks to his skin and you kind of want to breathe more of it in, but that would be weird.

“Oh, I said thank you.”

You’re close to him again, although this time he towers over you with a look almost identical to a predator meeting its prey.

Jungkook’s eyes flirt around your face and descend. He shamelessly drinks up the swell of your breasts and whatever skin is visible amidst the fluffy towel around you. It’s strange. You had noticed Jungkook doing the exact same thing when you were alone with him. The difference though was that his looks were cursory as if he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Now, It's like a new persona had taken over him and he was ready to pounce at any sign of a green light. 

He’s stuck in a trance, fuckboy tinted glasses fogging his vision.

You force out a giggle and playfully shove his shoulder, “my eyes are up here, you know.” 

His reply comes lighting fast, he’s definitely been in this position before. “I know, just admiring them.”

Jungkook wants to hit himself the second his reply spewed out of his mouth. He desperately wants to reassure your unimpressed (though also very cute) face, because goddammit he wanted to be respectful. Jungkook knows he has a tendency to slip into a new personality when the right amount of people hyped him. Call it being two faced, he knows it's one of his fatal flaws. 

“I'm sorry.” 

He says it genuinely. 

Jungkook only just got to properly meet you, he doesn’t want to give you the wrong impression! He can admit, your first ever official meeting (moreso hookup) wasn’t ideal, yet the way Jin dragged him through the mud undoubtedly made him understand that you weren’t the type of woman that should ever undergo the treatment he puts his hookups through. Scratch that, any woman shouldn’t be treated the way Jungkook treats them.

You're now fully covered under the towel, not a sliver of skin on display. You don’t know if his apology was genuine. “It’s ok I guess, I expected nothing less from you anyways.”

“Right.” He’s messed up.

You clear your throat, “I’m gonna go get changed, maybe look for Jieun unless-”

Jungkook finishes your sentence, “-she’s fucking Yoongi.”

You exhale, “yeah.”

“Jeon Jungkook!”

The voice makes you halt at its familiar tone. Jungkook doesn’t notice your growing panic as he too freezes in his spot. 

No, it can’t be.

The world plays in slow motion when he walks into your line of vision. His assertive stride, smug smile and sharp eyes.

Jeong Suho.

His name explodes inside of you like a blistering fire yet your heart feels ice cold. He is the very man you have spent weeks trying to avoid and even more trying to get out of your head.

The world plays at a normal speed when he approaches Jungkook. Their facial expressions are the same, the way they greet each other is the same. They’re practically the same breed of fuckboy, born from the same mother.

“Been awhile since I’ve seen you around.”

Jeong Suho was a person that Jungkook didn’t really mind, In fact there was a point in Jungkook’s life where he would’ve considered Suho to be one of his closest friends. They were two peas in a pod freshmen year of college. Never giving a fuck about their education and always present for any opportunity to get completely wasted with as many girls they could possibly seduce. Nowadays, Jungkook would rather keep his distance from him.

On the contrary, you were one of the many girls that had fallen deeply for Suho’s alluring charm. You fell so hard, you thought that maybe just maybe there was a possibility that you could secure a future with him. Obviously that was not the case.

You thank your lucky stars that Jungkook was there to distract Suho while you make your haste escape. All you need to do now is somehow locate an unoccupied bathroom, preferably without having to walk in on someone getting it on, and then you could get the hell out of there.

You must admit, you look quite ridiculous right now. Navy blue towel wrapped tightly around your body, your small head peeking through. You could probably pass as some form of E.T cosplay right now. You don’t care if you look rude, pushing and shoving whoever stands in your way. You only have one goal and you’re so so close to succeeding-

“Wait, Y/N! Is that you?”

Fuck.

Do you run? Maybe duck behind some poor innocent student looking for a good time? You huff, you're already sticking out like a sore thumb, there’s no use in trying to hide when the enemy has already spotted you. Even worse Jungkook motions you over with a wide gleaming smile. If only he knew how much you’re dreading this interaction.

Grudgingly, you walk over, looking like an irritated gremlin with your towel still firmly secured around you. Jungkook makes matters worse by pushing the towel off your head, releasing your scruffy ball of hair. You grimace. 

“I didn’t know you knew Y/N?”

Suho sends a smirk your way. You however, glower.

“Yeah we go way back, don’t we baby?”

You force a tight lipped smile, howbeit you look as if you have a mild case of constipation. 

“Sure.” It comes out rough through gritted teeth.

Suho notes your frustration, a sly grin carving onto his punchable face. He turns towards Jungkook, seemingly blocking you from their conversation, yet you know Suho wants you to hear what he has to say.

“You know it’s a shame. Y/N’s gorgeous, ten outta ten body, knows how to put it to good use, however she never let me fuck her. Don’t you think that’s weird?”

Jungkook stays silent for a minute, eyeing your shaking fists and angry eyebrows. Jungkook may be dumb, but he sure knows how to read a room, thus leading him to the conclusion that your relationship with Suho isn’t something you’re very fond of and that he should probably get you out of here.

“Uhhh no, that’s not weird at all actually. What I think is weird is the fact that you think you have this sick claim on every girl you’ve defiled and even worse, you’ve always had this strange need to chase after every virgin you see like some perverted cherry picker. Yeah, that’s weird.”

Suho laughs right in his face, spit grossly tickling his skin. “That’s rich coming from you Jeon, weren't you quite the cherry picker in your freshman days, no?”

Jungkook doesn’t know what he expected from this conversation. It definitely wasn’t this.

It's obvious that Jungkook isn’t a saint, he really fucking far from it. Although, one thing's for sure, it’s his absolute hatred for the way his brain was wired in his freshman year of college. Yes, Jungkook still remains as one of the standing campus fuckboys but he’s gained a few more brain cells since then. 

Jungkook opens his mouth to retort, only to be met with Suho’s back as he turns his attention towards you.

“Y/N, darling if I were you i’d make a run for it, ya know keep your chastity intact or whatever.” His smile is saccharine sweet, though his words are sickly sour.

The months of pent up anger stored within your being bubbles and overflows like a bad science experiment. You’ve quickly decided that now’s that time to expose the shitty excuse of a man, and quite frankly you don’t care that you have an audience. Actually, an audience would make this all the better.

Your finger is strong, pointing accusingly at his broad chest. “You know what you stupid motherfucker? Don’t waltz in here with that dumb smile of yours when you know you have some disgusting cheesy infection growing down there.”

Suho’s eyes widen slightly. It was no secret he was a walking STD, just about infecting every girl that was naive enough to sit on his dick. 

Everyone at the party has definitely stopped to listen to what you have to say. You even spot Jin from the corner of your eye sending you a proud smile. “And while we're on the topic of cheese, Learn how to wash your fucking dick!”

You don’t let him have a moment to speak, grabbing Jungkook’s hand and pulling him out of the house.

A few people applaud, some girls praise you on your way out. You give them no mind, you’ve had enough for tonight.   

Jungkook starts his car, no questions asked. It’s obvious to him that there’s bad blood between you and Suho. What you don’t know is that Jungkook can also relate. 

Technically there was no bad blood between them, moreso the hurtful memories and manipulation Suho put him through. To put it simply, Suho was probably the worst influence Jungkook could ever have as a vunerable freshman. 

The crunch of gravel and soft melodies that spill out of Jungkook’s radio converse with eachother and fill the defeaning silence that sits between you and Jungkook. 

Jungkook doesn’t even know where he’s going, he just drives. 

Every so often he checks up on you from the corner of his eye. Your knees stick tightly together and point away from him. Your fingers curl and uncurl, leaving cresent moons in your skin. And to finish it off, your face remains still, hostility completely washing over your features. If Jungkook didn’t know any better he would think you’d jump out of his car and make a run for it at the chance of him stopping the car.

It’s seven sniffles later when Jungkook decides he knows where he should take you.

The night sky is clear and the stars burn brightly to accompany the full round moon. It’s the perfect setting for release and maybe a screaming session if you’re up for it.

Jungkook makes a stop behind a forest of tall trees and a dirt path. You sit up immediately. 

“Where are we?” Your eyes are rimmed with tears, “I want to go home.”

Jungkook shuts the engine off, “you never told me where you live.”

“Well you never asked!”

Maybe you shouldn’t have yelled because from the looks of it, Jungkook just wants to help you out and clearly you’re not being the friendliest right now. 

You curl back into yourself, “sorry”, another sniffle.

Jungkook brings your fists into his hands and warmly opens them up. You refuse to look at him, it doesn’t deter Jungkook one bit.

Tenderly he brings a finger under your chin, gradually bringing your eyes up to his. Jungkook takes his time with you, careful to not set you off until you’re face to face with his warm eyes. 

“I brought you here because it’s apparent we both need let out some pent up steam.” He drags his fingers delicately across the curve of your chin and back into his lap. His touch is fleeting, you miss it already. “I just thought you may want to vent or just shout out into the void, it’s up to you.” You nod, fully trusting Jungkook’s intentions. “And at any time you feel like going home just say the word and I’ll take you there, okay?” 

Your heart swells in adoration at his caring nature, though you can’t help but wonder how he can have such a sudden change in personality depending on where he is and who he’s with. It’s unnerving. 

Jungkook clicks his seatbelt off and heads out the car, “put your dress back on princess, I’ll be out here waiting for you.” You mutter your confirmation and do as he asks.

The cool summer air kisses your skin and runs through your hair as you step out of the car. Jungkook is already by your side dressed in an oversize hoodie with another in his hand as well as a fuzzy blanket. 

Jungkook steps closer to you, holding the hem of his hoodie to slip over your body. Without a second thought you raise your hands causing Jungkook to chuckle at how cute you look dwarfed in his clothes.

The same cologne you smelled on his skin earlier lingers on every fibre of fabric around you. His scent is everywhere, swirling around your head, instantly calming down your anxieties. You smile at him, “Lead the way Jungkook.”

Jungkook leads you up a small hill and you notice the trees opening up to display a lush field of grass. However, the sight before you leaves you in absolute wonder. You stand completely still and take it all in. 

The night sky is dark but the city below illuminates is beautifully. Your gaze bounces over all the buildings, skyscrapers and their dazzling bright lights. It’s peaceful up here, you decide as you take a glimpse of the hundreds of tall structures looking so tiny, so ant-like.

Jungkook is settled behind you, his legs comfortably folded underneath himself. He remembers what it was like the first time he saw the view, which is why he doesn’t blame your stunned silence and glazed eyes. 

“How did you find this place?”

You find your way towards Jungkook and plant yourself right beside him. “I don’t know, I was just driving aimlessly one night and found it, It’s nice right.”

You hum, “it’s beautiful.”

Jungkook murmurs in agreement as you lie down on the woolly blanket beneath you. The stars twinkle and glimmer amongst the deep blue sky, creating a serene experience. You shut your eyes.

“I hate him.”

Jungkook looks down at you, you don’t see him though. “Suho?”

“Yeah”, you exhale deeply, “I can’t believe I had to see him again.”

Although Jungkook knows you can’t see him, he swivels his body around to face you properly. “Did you guys date or something?”

You scoff, “pffft you know Suho doesn’t date anyone.” You open your eyes, meeting a pair of round docile ones. You continue, “Suho was the first guy who every gave me an ounce of attention. Before him guys never looked my way. Jungkook remains silent, letting you pour out what’s on your mind.

“Suho had me fooled, I thought I was special to him, thought he saw something in me that was different from the others. Turns out that was his game after all”

You speak so animatedly, your hands wave around in the air, your eyebrows scrunch when the memories come back to you. “It’s stupid really, how I used to gush to him about finding the one person in the universe that was created just for me. I guess he used this as my weak point.” 

Inhale, exhale. 

“He made me believe he was that special person for me, used it as an excuse to pressure me into sex.” A tear rolls down the side of your face, falling perfectly in a straight line. “I almost gave in, but something just felt so wrong. Every time I said no he would call me terrible names, tell me that no one would want me if I never gave them what they wanted. And I believed him.”

Another tear escapes your wet orbs, Jungkook is there to wipe it this time.

“I broke it off after I found out he fucked my roommate and gave her some disease.” You chuckle, “I guess I’m lucky I never let him fuck me huh?” 

Jungkook’s heart breaks at your saddened eyes and the way Suho treated you, he sweeps a stray hair out of you face. “I think you dodged a bullet there princess, what he did to you was pure evil, no one, and especially you don’t deserve that”

You sit up, wiping remaining tears and thanking him as you go, “It’s your turn now.” You pat his thigh, “tell me why Suho got you so riled up tonight.”

Jungkook shuffles in his spot, “It’s actually kind of similar to you.”

You gasp sarcastically, “no way he pressured you into sex too?”

He laughs, eyes squeezing shut, “No, no, nothing like that.”

You lean closer to Jungkook, giving him the same attention he had given you. “My father left when my mother found out she was pregnant with me, so growing up I had no male figure present in my life. My mother stopped at nothing to give me that to the point that almost every week I’d wake up and see a new man drinking out of my favourite mug. I didn’t mind it because I was only a child and some part of me always hoped they would stay, but they never did.”

“My mom was a hopeless romantic. She held so much sentimental and idealistic views on love that it stuck to me. She always told me that there was someone special out there just for me.” You smile at the similar belief, Jungkook sighs. 

“Cut to college, Suho was the first friend I made. I had no experience with girls whatsoever, and I still held on to my mother’s faith. Whenever I talked to Suho about it he would always shut me down or make fun of me.”

“He told me that all my feelings are bullshit, and that I only felt that way because I’ve never hooked up with anyone before. Next thing I knew we were going to parties every week getting absolutely shitfaced and fucking every girl I laid eyes on.”

You nod, listening intently. “And tonight, he hit a nerve. What he said made me realise that I’m just as bad as him. He moulded me into this person and now I have a reputation.”

Jungkook’s eyes drop, “he broke my concept of love before I even got to experience it.”

You never knew Jungkook was in a place like this. You always thought he was like Suho, built to break hearts and show no emotion when it came to love. Jungkook was nothing like that. His heart was truly big, desperately longing for someone.

Placing your hand on top of his own you comfort him as best as you can, “oh, Jungkook, trust me when I tell you this, the love in your heart is not broken. Think about it, most people you’ve met have been through college right?” He nods, “there are so many other people out there that you’ve never met, soon you’ll be able to find that someone and learn how to love. I know you present yourself as this emotionless playboy, but once you let that part of you go it’ll feel so freeing.”

Jungkook stares deeply into your eyes, he’s so thankful that he decided to bring you here, he can’t contain his happiness. 

“Can I like, hug you?” Jungkook asks shyly. You smile, and it’s so big and bright Jungkook might as well be staring at the sun. Before he knows it, you’re tackling him into the most wholesome hug he’s ever had. You’re warm and you smell like vanilla, It feels like home.

“Get up”, he says abruptly, extending his arm to pull up your confused self.

“What-”, Jungkook cuts you off, “have you ever just let yourself scream?”

Jungkook has intertwined your hands together, and your heart pounds at the realisation of how well they fit together. “Well, no but I assume that’s what we’re about to do right now.”

He pulls you closer to the edge of the small hill, the view of the city sparkles right in front of you. “On the count of three, one- two- three!”

You scream, you let it all out and God does it feel refreshing.

The two of you sound utterly insane, but none you give a single fuck. You scream until your lungs burn and your throat itches you to stop.

The volume of both of your voices ring out into the night sky only for the moon, stars and yourselves. The night is still young but Jungkook wouldn’t have it any other way.

With you he lets go of everything, all the past mistakes, all the hurt because at this moment he feels like he could fly, soar into the clouds. 

He feels infinite.

Taglist <3 

@zibermuda @uskookie @jeonscandies @melaninkpops @apollukee @hollowtree10 @liliskies @madygswich @pjmochii @eggbutnotyolk @gyukult @yukiehyukie @purplepearl07 (couldn’t tag) @tae165 @youurkryptonite @94ser0da @french-myfries @zippytheshark37 (couldn’t tag) @we8joon @tearvantae​ @emrysts @inspinkyring​​

[yuyuntianyu]

[2HA analysis blog] To love you is torment but leave you I cannot

I wanted to write this (hopefully not-too-long) blog to give 2HA fandom a different perspective of the events in the past timeline. I noticed that there are many little things that could not be carried over to the English language. These little things can give more explanations to our characters’ actions so I hope sharing this would help the novel make more sense. This blog focuses on Taxian-jun and Chu Fei.

Warning: Spoilers ! ! ! Taxian-jun and Chu Fei are their own trigger warnings ! ! !

Despite the novel having 350 chapters, we really know little about what happened between Taxian-jun and Chu Fei besides the abuse and mistreatment and that little is relayed to us by the Most Unreliable Narrator of the Cultivation World - Mo Ran Mo Weiyu. If we only take Mo Ran for his words then a lot of his and Chu Wanning’s decisions told later on would seem irrational and almost silly. So let’s dive deep in the past so we can understand how the great cultivator Beidou Xian-zun could raise such a dumb husky since the events in the past would explain the more irrational decisions made by both main characters.

Given Mo Ran’s narrator is about as reliable as his character in the first 120 chapters, we have to look at other more subtle clues and some of them are due to cultural and linguistic differences.

1. I used to like you a lot

At his coronation day, Taxian-jun stated that he once greatly looked up to Chu Wanning and that he used to love and respect him dearly. Maybe I am reading into this too much but this is my theory: The flower could erase the memory itself but cannot erase the feelings associated with the memory. He had his memories of the good deeds Chu Wanning did for him erased but still remembered that he used to love and respect him. It doesn’t make sense unless it is indeed that the flower could not erase its host’s feelings. So throughout the novel, Mo Ran’s complicated emotions are complicated possibly because he could not remember how he came to have these feelings. Similarly, Hua Binan could mess with the undead Taxian-jun’s memory to a great extent but could not erase his obsession with Chu Wanning.

2. I gave you a new title

Chu Fei. 楚妃. In the Imperial Chinese harem hierarchy, “Fei” means consort and not concubine (嬪 “Pín"). Consorts were highly respected positions in the palace weidling much political power and were only seconds to the Empress Consort. Another major difference is a consort would be married to the emperor while a concubine would not. So if Taxian-jun had truly wanted to only humiliate Chu Wanning and keep him for the carnal pleasures (I am intentionally ignoring his breeding kink completely), he would keep him as a concubine but he gave Chu Wanning the Consort title and hid him from the world. At this point, Taxian-jun had almost lost Chu Wanning once and had spent a lot of effort to bring him back from the verge of death after hearing Chu Wanning’s apology so his anger might have softened a bit. Also, given that Chu Wanning is a man, having a legitimate offspring ( (I am still intentionally ignoring Mo Ran's breeding kink completely) is not an issue so although this is not clearly stated, I believe Taxian-jun wanted to force a relationship and somewhat proper marriage on Chu Wanning. Another hint of this is in an Extra chapter where Taxian-jun tried to get Chu Wanning a birthday gift. He recalled that in his past timeline, he had wanted Chu Wanning to give him something on his birthday as well and that he had wanted Chu Wanning’s heart.

3. Shizun likes to write letters and poems

On Book 3 Chapter 247, Chu Wanning sat down and wrote a few unsent letters to the people he used to know. He also wrote a few lines of poetry. In the first few lines taken from different literature works, he expressed his sense of helplessness and his wish to remain untainted despite the circumstances. The more important two lines are from a poem written by a real poet named Fàn Chéngdà ( 范成大) who lived in the 12th century Southern-Song dynasty. The two lines read:

“May I be like the stars, may you* be as the moon. Night after night, may we shine together side by side.” **

*In the original work, the character used instead of you is “jun” 君 (as in 踏仙君 Taxian-jun). 君 could mean king, emperor, lord, or gentleman ** This is my rough translation - I haven’t found an English version of this poem

These two lines are commonly used in romantic novels as a way to express one’s unchanging love and loyalty to another person despite the circumstances. He compared himself as the stars and wanted to remain by Taxian-jun whom he viewed as the moon. Chu Wanning wrote this to express his willingness to stay but he would never voice this out loud. In the next timeline, he did the same thing by quietly loving and caring for Mo Ran 1.0 despite the mistreatment and was content with never expressing his feelings vocally. Mo Ran was rather uneducated and thus could not fully comprehend these two lines and misunderstood that Chu Wanning was missing Xue Meng.

4. You are all I have left

In chapter 252, after Chu Wanning returned to The Red Lotus Pavilion, he found Taxian-jun already waiting for him. Taxian-jun told Chu Wanning about a dream he had and said:

“I am afraid I don’t resent you… I want to resent you… Otherwise, I…” “In the end, it’s just you and I”.

This is not the first time he expressed that Chu Wanning was all he had left or they only had each other. I believe that at this point, Taxian-jun might have somewhat believed Chu Wanning and recognized that his memories were missing. His words and behaviors seemed a lot more gentle and he mentioned they did have periods of time where their marriage was easier. I believe it was after this point. He told us about the numerous times he attempted to spoil his consort or expressed his affection through gifts, a trip outside the palace, goods, jewels, and even teaching Chu Wanning how to cook or personally taking care of Chu Wanning when he was sick. At one point, Taxian-jun expressed his wish for a more peaceful marriage with Chu Wanning through his breeding kink by saying that if they had children, perhaps they would be more civil towards each other.

Edit: I really wanted to go about this blog without having to refer to their particular taste in bed

5. Are you still mad?

This is a smaller detail but in the original text and the Vietnamese official translation, the way they talked to each other had a bit more of the “husband-wife” dynamic. Especially Chu Wanning ( l┐(︶▽︶)┌ ), the comment section said he sounded like when your wife is mad that you didn’t take out the trash but still says: “I’m not mad” and Taxian-jun, the husband, would come around and ask “Are you still mad at me?” after every fight.

6. I did not think you would really leave me.

On Chapter 99, Mo Ran recalled the fight between him and Chu Wanning after an assassination attempt. In order to convince Mo Ran to not go to Taxue Palace, Chu Wanning said:

“If you destroy Taxue palace, if you kill Xue Meng, I will die before you”.

Now the line “I will die before you” in my language is less of a suicidal ideation but more of a threat. It's used when a person already knows that they are important to the other person and is using their own death as a threat to make the other person do something. This line is thrown around a lot during heated arguments between people close to each other but they almost never mean it. (Even my mom said it numerous times before T_T . I personally think it’s manipulative). Therefore, it is understandable Taxian-jun did not take this line seriously and replied almost mockingly. After all, they had been married for almost a decade at that point, Taxian-jun probably felt somewhat comfortable that Chu Wanning would not do anything reckless. He could not foresee that Chu Wanning meant what he said and actually followed through with his words. I believe that if Taxian-jun had known that Chu Wanning was serious, Taxian-jun would not have gone to Taxue Palace. 7. Don't leave me, ok?

Then Chu Wanning died and Mo Ran spent two years alone. In those two years, we know he basically went insane because of grief, talked to a corpse everyday, and deep fried his Empress Consort. But strangely enough, Mo Ran 1.0 did not immediately mention this after being reborn although it was the main reason he committed suicide. And at that point, it had been well over a decade since Shi Mei faked his death in the past timeline, yet Mo Ran 1.0 seemed to still hold a lot of resentment towards Chu Wanning. Also, he said he could accept Shi Mei’s death but would never accept Chu Wanning’s. So honestly, it did not make sense to me the first time I read the novel and I believed Mo Ran resented Chu Wanning for a different reason.

The answer was first hinted at in chapter 9 when Mo Ran scolded the sleeping Chu Wanning. He called Chu Wanning a donkey hoof (lol) and this is actually an idiom to scold someone who is disloyal and unfaithful in love. The puzzles came together when the undead Taxian-jun showed up and immediately went after Chu Wanning (and not Shi Mei). He believed Chu Wanning used his death to hurt him and was angry at Chu Wanning for leaving him. This is the resentment Mo Ran 1.0 carried over to the next timeline. He hated Chu Wanning for abandoning him. This is solidified in chapter 262 by the undead Taxian-jun pleading to Chu Wanning:

“Don’t betray me” “Don’t leave me the second time. The first time you left, I could choose death as a relief. This time, even death is not an option any more… I won’t be able to bear it…”

So there it is! I hope this blog brings some new information and feel free to discuss! Let me know if you have any questions for me ＼(￣▽￣)／

Disclaimer: Plenty of this is my conclusion drawn from the already ambiguous original text and various translations. Unless Meatbun says it, it’s not canon. I am looking at the novel in three different languages so I might have made some mistakes. Pls forgive. Also, I am not making excuses for Mo Ran 0.5’s actions nor am I justifying the abuse in any way. Chu Wanning never said Mo Ran 0.5 was innocent of these crimes nor will I.

[fallingforunrealisticromance]

Just so I could call you mine part 2 - Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader

It's finally here! I'm sorry for the wait, I've only really been able to write at night - my day's have been kinda busy at the moment. But it's finished. It's quite long so sorry about that. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as you enjoyed part 1:)

Also (following a theme here) this is loosely based off of the song 'Enough for you' by Oliva Rodrigo

* = time skip

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 3503

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a month since the argument. Well, I say argument, but I think downfall of the one thing that made me want to get up in the morning would be more accurate. After I’d broken down on Emily’s shoulder that night, she took me back to her place. The whole time I was there, part of me kept wishing for the phone to ring and for it to be him. It didn’t feel real. For the first few days I clung to the shred of hope that he might pull me aside at work to apologise, tell me he was wrong and wanted me back. But seeing as this is my life, that opportunity never came. We hadn’t spoken since that night. Even on cases, he would find ways to avoid talking to me. I can’t say I blame him, he’s a shitty man. And when shitty men do shitty things, they tend to run from it.

I walked into the bullpen laughing with Garcia. All the girls had really looked after me and I couldn’t be more grateful.

“Hey there pretty ladies” Morgan said, sauntering over to us.

“Why hello there handsome. Here to make us yours?” Garcia replied playfully.

“Only if you’ll have me.” Morgan bantered. Garcia just laughed before heading to her cave.

“So how are you gorgeous?” He said throwing his arm round my shoulder.

“I’m doing good. In desperate need for coffee. Don’t get me wrong I love Garcia but after only 3 hours of sleep, her bubbliness this early on has taken it out of me” I explained as we headed to the coffee machine. Derek dropped his arm and stood next to me, allowing me to make my drink.

“Only three hours huh? You having trouble sleeping?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“No, I just choose to run on as little energy as possible.” I retorted sarcastically, prompting an eye roll from him.

“You know what I meant.”

“Yeah I do, it’s just” I sighed looking down at my coffee.

“Hey.” Derek nudged my arm slightly. “What’s on your mind?” I chewed at the inside of my cheek nervously before answering.

“I guess I’m still adjusting to sleeping by myself.” I admitted. Derek nodded, wearing a sympathetic look on his face. “It’s so stupid, I should be over this by now. I mean I am over him but it’s just certain things like…ugh I don’t know. It’s just stressful.” I ranted.

“It’s normal baby. You went from, what was it nine months?”

“Eleven.” I corrected.

“Right so you went from 11 months of having someone next to you all the time, to suddenly nothing. It’s bound to take some getting used to.” He reasoned. I knew he was right. But something about the way Hotch had essentially picked up where he left off with Haley made me feel so stupid for still being hung up over him.

“Come on, let’s go see if boy genius can tell us something fun.” Derek joked as we walked back to our desks.

***********************************************************************

The day was almost over, and we’d had no cases, which allowed us to sort through old case files and tidy things up. As boring as that may sound, it was actually a nice break from the horrors we see on a daily basis.

“Right.” Emily said, stretching back in her chair. “I think I’m gonna head out.”

“And leave me here with the men?” I replied, pretend fear laced in my voice.

“I’m so sorry honey. You can do it I believe in you” Emily joked. The boys just swapped an annoyed look. “Sergio awaits me, so I’ll see you all tomorrow.” She said collecting her things.

“Bye Em.” I called after her. But just as she was about to leave JJ rushed into the bullpen.

“Emily stops where you are.” Emily groaned and turned around.

“Jayje I swear to god if you tell us we have a case, as much as I love you, I will be hurling my bag at your head.” Emily said. JJ just laughed at her.

“No, it’s nothing bad guys, but Rossi has invited us to dinner.” She said smiling. The way she looked at us made it seem like she was looking for some type of reaction.

“Okay? Something special about today?” Derek asked.

“Yeah that’s nice of him and all JJ but I’m really tired. Sitting in a crowed Chinese restaurant really wasn’t really what I planned to do tonight” Emily replied. JJ sighed.

“Fine. I mean if none of you want to come back to Rossi’s mansion for a bite to eat then I get that. Have a nice night with your cat Em.” JJ turned to walk away but at the sound of us all scrambling out of our seats, she turned back and laughed.

“Screw Sergio I wanna explore this guy’s house.” Emily said walking over to JJ.

“God you lot are so nosy” She joked as we all walked down to the parking lot.

“What do you expect? The guys a mystery so if there’s an opportunity to snoop of course we’d take it.” I chuckled.

“I just wanna see if he has a first drafts of his books lying around. I can almost imagine how much he left out.” Reid piped up.

“Of course, that’s what you wanna see pretty boy” Derek said patting Reid on the shoulder. We all hoped into our separate cars to go home and change before re convening at Rossi’s.

******************************************************************

The night was going great. It was so nice to be able to just take a night off – eat, drink, chat – without the stress of a case looming over our heads. Not to mention Rossi’s house was incredibly impressive. I mean if I could somehow make this man my sugar daddy and inherit this place, I’d be on it in an instant. Aaron was here, which didn’t surprise me. But what did is how relaxed he was. I’d seen it all the time when we were together but somehow seeing it tonight felt strange. Almost as if he’d dismissed the whole situation.

“Okay I wasn’t that bad guys.” Emily protested, snapping me from my thoughts.

“You told Spencer you were going to kill him if he didn’t stop being so loud.” Hotch said.

“That’s understandable on a hangover.” Emily reason.

“Em, I was just turning the pages of my book.” Spencer replied laughing. Emily spluttered over her words, but nothing came out causing the rest of us to join spencer. Suddenly the doorbell rang out. We all looked around confused.

“We’re not expecting anyone else are we?” Garcia asked.

“Um” Aaron cleared his throat.

“I think I might know who that is.” My heart sunk as he got up and walked to the door. Everyone swapped a look, trying to catch my eye but I just starred ahead of me. He wouldn’t have actually invited her. Right?

“Hey honey.” Her voice travelled through the halls causing my heart to not only sink even further, but completely shatter in the process. At least at work I could block out the fact he was with her but now he was just rubbing salt in the wound. Emily finally caught my gaze and shot me a supportive look. I just nodded, offering a tight-lipped smile. Eventually the pair of them came back.

“Hey guys, you know Haley.” Hotch said, looking slightly uncomfortable. Everyone greeted her politely enough, but it didn’t take a profiler to feel the shift in the atmosphere.

“Let me get you a chair.” Rossi said, going to stand up. “No, it’s fine, I’ll just sit here” She stated before promptly positioning herself in Aaron’s lap. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I couldn’t watch this. The seven of us sat in a cripplingly awkward silence for a few moments before JJ finally spoke up.

“So, um Haley, how’s jack doing?” She asked politely. “Oh, he’s doing great. Very happy to have his daddy around a lot more now.” Haley responded in a smug tone. As she spoke, she glanced over at me. Clearly noticing my appearance, she threaded her fingers through Aaron’s hair. I averted my gaze, opting to study the details of Rossi’s floor. I heard Hotch clear his throat, almost as if he wanted her to stop. “

I’m glad he’s happy.” JJ replied.

“So am I. Before it was just so hard what with his job and, well – other arrangements – Aaron barely had time for his own son you know. But luckily that’s all been dealt with now.” Haley leant forward and I heard her placing a kiss on his cheek. I couldn’t take this anymore; she was clearly taunting me and as I much as I hated giving into her games – this was so much worse.

“Excuse me.” I said, standing up and heading towards the garden. It took everything inside of me not to break down right then and there. But the minute I reached the garden I lost it. The tears streamed down my face as I tried to quiet my sobs. My heart ached. It felt like everything was crashing down around me. My chest felt hollow. I thought I was over this, over him. I could feel my knees growing weak under me so opted to sit by the edge of the pool, in the hopes to grab some sense of normality. It was a nice night out. It was summer so still warm, but there was enough of a breeze to keep it bearable. I’m sure if looked up I would’ve been able to see the stars, but I was transfixed on the water. Suddenly I heard the back door open. I didn’t turn around, not wanting to face whoever it was.

“I’ve always wanted a pool.” Emily’s voice came from beside me. She sat down, placing her legs in the water next to mine. “I’d love to have this house too.” She stated taking in her surroundings. “What do you say, wanna take Rossi down together and claim all this for ourselves?” She asked nudging my arm. I let out a stiff chuckle but didn’t say anything. Emily took a deep breath before she spoke.

“I’m sorry you had to sit through that” Her voice was sincere. “I don’t know if Hotch invited her, or she just rocked up, but it was out of order either way.” I nodded not trusting my voice right now. “You should know, the rest of us were just as angry. Derek left a few moments after you. He went into the kitchen, but he didn’t come back. I had to send Spencer after to him just to check he wasn’t tearing the place up.” She said light-heartedly. That gave me some comfort, to know I wasn’t being overly sensitive. She let her words hang in the air for a moment and we enjoyed the stillness of the night.

“I just thought.” I began, my voice rough from crying. “That maybe it wasn’t real. Maybe they weren’t actually back together you know?” I turned my gaze towards Emily. She understood. That was one of my favourite things about her. No matter what the situation, whether she’d experienced it herself or not, she was always so deeply empathetic that it helped.

“Listen, nothing I say right now is going to make this any easier. Sure, I could sit here and tell you what a douche bag he’s being” I smiled at her words. “But I know that wouldn’t change anything for you. So, I’ve just come to let you know that we’re all here for you. Take as much time as you need, and when you feel comfortable, come back and join us inside.” She said squeezing my hand.

“Thank you Em. For everything.” She just smiled before standing up and heading inside. By this point I’d stopped crying. You know that moment of calm you experience right after you’ve stopped crying, just before the headache or tiredness kicks in, that is probably my favourite feeling. Which sounds somewhat depressing, but everything just feels so at ease in that moment. Unfortunately, I could not bask in it for long as I heard the back door slide open once again. Thinking it was Emily I called out to her.

“Please don’t tell me I’m going to come in there and see you forcing Rossi to sign us into his will.” I joked, turning around. But instead of being greeted with my friends’ heart-warming chuckle, I saw the man who’d caused this little escape to the garden. It was Aaron.

“Hotch.” I said surprised, scrambling to stand up.

“Hi.” He replied. He looked nervous, relentlessly fidgeting with his hands. It wasn’t normal.

“Why are you here?” I didn’t bother trying to make small talk. What would be the point?

“Um, well I…I just wanted to…” His voice trailed off as he looked to the ground. “Can we sit down?” He asked after a moment. I nodded and made my way over to the beautiful table Rossi had. Aaron sat down but didn’t say anything, just starred ahead of him.

“Are you going to talk or what?” I said bluntly. He looked surprised at my tone but cleared his throat before answering me.

“I just wanted to check on you.” His voice was low, almost as if he didn’t want me to hear what he was saying.

“Check on me?” I replied clearly irritated.

“Yeah I mean you just took off back there, so I wanted to make sure you were okay” He said literally looking anywhere but me. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He’d spent a whole month doing the most to avoid talking to me and now, not only he dangles his happiness in my face , but he also has the audacity to ask if I’m okay?

“Yeah I wonder why that is?” I shot back. Hotch went to reply but I cut him off. “No no let’s think about it. What could have possibly made me leave? Was it the fact that Derek telling a story? Nope that doesn’t seem to be it.” I said sarcastically. “Oh, maybe Spencer was rambling about something random? No doesn’t sound right? Gosh I just – I don’t know what it could have been. You got any ideas” I continued. Hotch starred at me, annoyed by my games but not enough to reply. “Wait I remember, it was the fact that my ex-boyfriend just wanted to shove the fact that he’s moved on and obviously didn’t give a fuck about me or our relationship further down my throat!” I concluded, standing up to leave.

“That is not fair.” He called after me. I stopped in my tracks, the anger growing inside of me.

“What? What about that is unfair to you?” I replied folding my arms over my chest.

“For you to say I didn’t care about our relationship” he said, his voice laced with annoyance. I scoffed at his words.

“Really? I think it’s perfectly fair considering how you’ve acted. It’s clear that you have no respect for me or what we were.”

“Just because I spend more time with Haley now doesn’t mean that I’ve just disregarded our entire relationship.” He sounded exasperated.

“Spend more time with her? Hotch she was practically fucking you on the chair in there.” I yelled. I’d tried so hard not to lose it but his lack of understanding right now was getting too much for me. “I loved you so much. I gave everything I had into that relationship, and you’ve thrown it all back in my face over one twisted story that your wife decided to spin.” I ran my fingers through my hair trying to calm down. The last thing I needed was for the rest of the team to hear this. Although I didn’t care if Haley did. That bitch. “I don’t know what I did wrong to make you choose her. Maybe I just wasn’t as interesting as her, but you could not have cared less about someone who loved you more. She dragged you down, manipulated you into believing it was your fault that she fucked those other guys. Or when she made you feel bad for choosing to stay in a job that literally makes the world as safer place for people like her or Jack. All I ever wanted was to support you and be there for you to lean on. I wanted to be that one person you could turn to when you felt like the world was crumbling down and you would feel okay. I just wanted to be enough for you. Because that’s what you were for me.” I ranted. Unfortunately, this time I’d been unable to hold back my tears, but I was hoping the darkness of the garden would hide that. Aaron looked crushed, almost guilty. Part of me hurt to seem him like that but another part reminded me he deserved it. I’d say he broke my heart, but he broke much more than that.

“You were that to me too.” He mumbled. His voice was so quiet I wasn’t sure I’d heard him. Clearly noticing my lack of response, he continued. “You meant so much to me and I can’t tell you how painful it’s been without you.”

“Doesn’t really seem like that” I scoffed. He sighed before walking over to me.

“Listen the thing with Haley-“

“If you’re about to tell me why you’re back together with her, please don’t. I can’t handle that right now.” I begged.

“No listen. We aren’t together.” His words took me by surprise.

“What?”

“The night everything kicked off, I’m not going to lie – I did believe her. I mean when she told me that you’d told JJ everything about the divorce, yeah I was mad. It took me so long to open up to you about that, you know the insecurities and the fact I thought Jack was going to resent me or not want me in his life. I trusted you and you just threw it out the window.” I starred at him in shock, unable to speak. Hotch being who he was picked up on my reaction. “What is it?” He asked.

“I can’t believe that’s what she told you.” I said utterly blown away by the fact that Haley was able to lie about something so huge with such ease.

“What do you mean? Are you trying to tell me that’s not what happened?” He sounded apprehensive.

“It couldn’t be further from the truth. She called me to ask where you were and when you’d be home. She must have thought I was lying because then she called JJ. JJ told her she knew she’d rung me and then she hung up.” I explained. Hotch looked just as confused. “I would never tell anyone those things Aaron. No matter how much you hurt me.” He didn’t reply. He looked so torn. “I tried to explain that to you on the night, but you weren’t listening.” I spoke. That caught his attention.

“I know I just felt so betrayed I guess it blinded me.” He replied. “The only reason I’ve stayed as close with her as I have recently is because she was going to keep me away from Jack. I know she had no solid grounds to hold that to and we could have taken it to court if it had gotten that bad, but fathers hardly ever win full custody. I didn’t want to risk it.” He explained. I nodded.

“I understand.” I got it. Jack was his world. And losing him might have just broken him. “

I can’t begin to explain how sorry I am that I let her get between us. I should’ve known, I-I should’ve trusted you.” He rambled. He begun pacing back and forth.

“Hey.” I reached out a grabbed his arm. “Yes you should have trusted me, I’m not going to act like what happened didn’t hurt. But you’re not a mind reader Aaron. You believed the first story you heard. I get it.” I reasoned. Tentatively, he reached out and took my hands in his, rubbing gentle circles with his thumbs.

“I missed you. Everyday.” He whispered.

“I did too. I loved you.” I replied softly. His gaze caught mine.

“Loved?” He asked his eyes wracked with worry.

“Part of me still does. I can’t just shut those feelings down. But what you did broke me. And I don’t want to risk that happening again.” I confessed. He nodded.

“I guess I’ll just have to prove myself to you. Because trust me, you’re all I want. And I’ll wait however long you need me to.” He replied. I smiled up at him and wrapped my arms around his neck as his arms travelled to my waist. Maybe we would get back together or eventually just drift apart, but right now I had my best friend back. And that’s all I cared about.

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