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toaarcan · 3 years

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One ship exposes everything wrong with TRoS

Heaven help me, I’m back on my bullshit.

Alright, so, I enjoyed The Rise of Skywalker when I watched it. I actually watched it twice, once on my own when I rushed to see it as soon as possible in order to beat spoilers, and once with my family, in what was a semi-annual new year tradition for us during those four years that a Star Wars film released.

But that doesn’t mean it was good. I enjoyed Transformers: Dark of the Moon the first time I watched it, and that movie’s still a steaming pile of shit. I was admittedly fifteen when I saw DotM, but still.

My point is that I’m fully capable of enjoying crappy films.

But there’s one thing, one thing about TRoS that exemplifies so many of the problems with TRoS as a whole, if not everything (And by that I mean with TRoS specifically, the woeful treatment of John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran is a Whole Trilogy Problem). And it’s a ship. Specifically this ship.

The Resistance Y-Wing. I hate this ship with the fiery passion of an exploding star, and to talk about why, we need to first go back to The Last Jedi and its conspicuous lack of Y-Wings.

One of the things that I disliked most about the Sequels before TRoS put all the other problems into stark light was the lack of new ships. Instead of new vehicles, we got shinier, sleeker versions of the ships from the original trilogy. And I disliked this because it’s the opposite of what the Prequels did.

Episodes I-III don’t feature more primitive versions of the X-Wing and TIE Fighter, but instead have similar vehicles that evoke the classics while still having an identity of their own.

The ARC-170 looks kinda like an X-Wing, but it’s bigger and has more weapons and crew, and you get why the well-funded Republic can afford things like this while the scrappy Rebels can’t.

The Eta-2 is a predecessor to the TIE Fighter, but it being employed exclusively by Jedi makes a lot of sense, of course a precognitive wizard with superhuman reflexes can do well in a light, unshielded ship, while in the hands of the Empire’s military they’re just expendable swarm fighters.

But then in the Sequels, rather than evolve the ships into new forms, they just made new incarnations of the X-Wing, TIE Fighter, A-Wing, TIE Interceptor, B-Wing, and of course the Y-Wing.

Well, except for one movie: The Last Jedi.

At the outset of the film, we’re introduced to this ship.

This is the MG-100 StarFortress, AKA “That ship all the Star Wars Youtubers hate”. It’s designed to be a much heavier and bulkier version of the B-Wing Starfighter, and is even made by the same people.

From questions about how the bombs “fall” toward the Dreadnought (The answer is magnets) to claims that they’re completely useless because most of the ones in the film died so easily, these things have been put through the wringer by the fandom, and honestly they don’t deserve it? What destroyed the StarFortresses in the film wasn’t their own weaknesses, but them being deployed in too tight a formation. It was a tactical fuckup, not a problem with the ship’s design.

And given that the whole point of the battle over D’Qar is that Poe makes a tactical fuckup to kickstart his development into the new leader of the Resistance as a whole, adding another layer makes sense to me.

But we live in a post-CinemaSins world of media consumption, where every plot-point that isn’t spelled out with a flowchart and an audio commentary by the writers is actually a plothole.

We also live in an era where Star Wars fans pine for the days of the Legends canon where everything about new ships, species, and worlds was explained in background lore and books, and are angry that the new Canon is... doing exactly the same thing?

Seriously, how much exposition and lore dumping is actually present in any of the Star Wars films? Not a whole lot. And that applies to all three eras.

So the StarFortress’ appearance in the film and the lack of Y-Wings led to a bevy of armchair writers demanding to know why the Resistance weren’t using Y-Wings and why they were using those “Resistance Bombers” that are just ‘terrible’.

Answer? Because the Y-Wings sucked shit.

Seriously, go back to the Original Trilogy and try to keep track of the Y-Wings, and see what they actually do, and you’ll find that what they do is “Explode, mostly.”

We’re first introduced to the Y-Wings in A New Hope, and they’re supposed to be the ones performing the Trench Run while the X-Wings cover them, and to their credit, they try.

And then they all get blown up by Vader and his wingmen before they can even take a shot at the exhaust port. Well, except that one that appears with the rebel ships flying away from the Death Star.

Where the fuck were you when the X-Wings were doing the attack run?

The Y-Wings got absolutely wrecked.

Ancillary media would go on to explain that the Y-Wings were beat-up old vehicles that were no longer fit for purpose, but the Rebels had to use them anyway because they had basically no money. They’d stripped down the ships and removed a bunch of their more costly features just to make them viable, and the results of that were pretty clear.

Of course, the Y-Wings were still present in the later films. They don’t do anything in The Empire Strikes Back, but they play a role in Return of the Jedi.

Naturally, that role is mostly “Get blown up while the other ships do the important stuff”.

Despite supposedly being a fighter-bomber that was designed to do significant damage to capital ships, does the Y-Wing play a role in the destruction of the Executor? Does it fuck. Destroying the Imperial flagship’s deflector shields and the subsequent suicidal ram attack on the bridge are tasks that are both performed by the goddamn A-Wings. Y’know, the light interceptors?

The Y-Wings get shown up at their own job by the ships that are there to protect them from TIE Fighters.

Ancillary media again explains why they’re still there. While the Rebels have a newer, better fighter-bomber in the B-Wing, the B-Wing is expensive as fuck and also really difficult to fly.

A non-centreline cockpit that rotates will do that to a ship.

Still, the B-Wing was a better bomber than the Y-Wing ever was (And the StarFortress was better than them both at that role).

All this adds up to a simple fact: There were very good reasons why the Resistance weren’t using Y-Wings. And there were even reasonable reasons to choose the StarFortress compared to the B-Wing itself, given that the Resistance are still undermanned and under-funded, especially with the New Republic getting nuked midway through The Force Awakens. It being easier to fly and having more armaments would have made it a viable choice for the Resistance.

Buuuut oops, people didn’t like the StarFortress and we can’t make the Internet angry at us again! Better put the Y-Wings back in for Episode IX, and show them destroying a Xyston-class Destroyer, that’ll make them happy!

And sure, okay, giving the Resistance a fighter/bomber is probably a good idea. And they already have New X-Wings and New A-Wings, so where’s the harm in a New Y-Wing?

Alright, alright, sure. But why the fuck does it look like this?

If this is a new ship, why is it already stripped-down like the ones in the Original Trilogy? Why doesn’t it look like the actual brand-new Y-Wings we saw in The Clone Wars?

Now that’s more like it. Still visibly a Y-Wing, but with more of an identity of its own.

Seriously, “Literally the same ship but without its armour pulled off” has more of a unique identity than the crowd-pleasing New Y-Wing.

And that, in and of itself, is the essence of The Rise of Skywalker.

It’s blind, empty fanservice, rushing to include as much nostalgia-pandering as possible to try and get the fanbase back on-side after The Last Jedi didn’t do what the fanboys wanted it to do.

This is a whole near- three hour movie whose only message is “Yes, Youtubers making TFA critiques longer than an entire season of TCW, we hear you, we’ll make it for you, please love us!”

And, almost entirely predictably, it was shite.

It was riddled with plotholes and none of the scenes had any time to breathe because the movie was too desperately trying to rush itself to the next crowd-pleasing scene in a desperate attempt to wank off as many disgruntled fanboys as it possibly could.

Luke with his green saber! Jedi Leia! Chewie gets a medal! Lando! Luke raises his X-Wing out of the water! The main villain is a testicle in a bathrobe again! Snork origin! Original-flavour Star Destroyers! Rose doesn’t exist! Rey had a super-special secret magical bloodline the whole time and Luke and Leia totally knew even though Luke has literally no idea who she is in Episode VIII! Luke actually was just afraid of the bad guys in Episode VII, none of that self-imposed exile for his own mistakes nonsense! Y-Wings.

I mean fuck. Disagree with Luke’s portrayal in TLJ all you like, I certainly have my issues with it, but I lay those at the feet of JJ for making Luke’s absence into one of his fucking Mystery Boxes, and then deciding that, even though last time Luke sensed Leia and Han might be in danger, he abandoned his Jedi training, hopped in an X-Wing, and flew halfway across the galaxy to try and save them, he wouldn’t do shit when the First Order pointed a star-powered System-Killer 9000 at Leia, and Han got himself killed trying to redeem Kyle Ron. Like how in fuck was Rian supposed to explain Luke’s inaction in VII?

But regardless of the problems with that Luke portrayal, at least Mark Hamill gave it his all. Hell, it might be his best performance in the Star Wars franchise!

In TRoS, he shows up in a bad wig, waves a middle finger at TLJ, and ascends to his final form as a Lightsaber Delivery Boy, because apparently all you need to kill a Sith who literally clawed his way back from death is two lightsabers. Haunting Kyle Ron? Nope. Providing guidance as a ghost? Not really.

And y’know what the kicker is? It didn’t fucking work. Lucasfilm and Disney fucking gutted this trilogy, sliced out the integrity, surgically removed the soul of Episode IX in a desperate effort to make the Internet’s most unpleasable fanbase happy, and it didn’t work. They still hate it! Now they just concoct hour-long videos about how much they would’ve preferred to have the Trevorrow script (Which is admittedly much better, albeit still with it’s far share of giant flaws), which was probably thrown out because it wasn’t fanservicey enough!

The Rise of Skywalker is an awful film. It’s a loose collection of nostalgia-baiting moments, roughly stapled together around the skeleton of a plot that was never properly developed. It’s a Frankenstein’s Monster of a movie, but, and I say this with full offense, the Victor Frankenstein in this tragic story isn’t Lucasfilm or Disney or Kathleen Kennedy or Rian Johnson, or even JJ Abrams. It’s you, Star Wars Fandom. It is your monster.

#Star Wars #The Rise of Skywalker #Disney #Lucasfilm #Episode IX #Episode VIII #Episode VII #The Last Jedi #The Force Awakens #Y-Wing Starfighter #B-Wing Starfighter #MG-100 StarFortress

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littlebetesofeverything · 4 years

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Charlize Theron: Evolution of a Badass

You thought I would pass up a panel with Charlize Fucking Theron after watching The Old Guard twice??? Buckle up, this gonna be a wild panel

She never had the opportunity for action roles, and grew up on Chuck Norris and Mad Max movies

30 years that weren’t a lot of chances for women to get into action movies

Aeon Flux didn’t preform as well as they hoped, and she feared that she wouldn’t get another chance

Mad Max changed her trajectory and made an active choice for those kinds of opportunities

The genre has changed for women, audiences love these films with women at the core

“We can’t just look at action as purely physical”

She was the only woman on The Italian Job and got 6 more weeks of car training than the men. Then she made a point of out-driving the other men. I stan (1) queen of action films

Long, single action shots started with her role in Atomic Blonde and it is difficult to get everything right for 7-10 minutes straight

They pushed the envelope for letting women fight like women in Atomic Blonde

The bar being set so high lets the crappy action movies not survive for long

Mad Max was difficult because the physicality was very real

She’s intrigued by the messiness of being human, and being a woman. She remembers a lack of complex women, inherent fear of putting women in a place to fail.

Yes, bring up the Madonna/Whore complex and how that is hard to break out of. “It is a disservice to women because they can be many things”

She can’t relate to heroes, inspired by people who don’t see themselves as heroes but put their head down to do the work

Wants women to see themselves on the screen (I STAN 1 QUEEN!!!)

Furiosa is one the most important characters she has ever played and chased it really hard

Signourey Weaver as Ripley was an eye-opening experience for Charlize. Furiosa felt real to her in a similar way

She has the feeling that every movie may be her last, unfortunately due to being a female actor

She still feels like she may not be given another opportunity if she gets it wrong

She filmed Atomic Blonde at 40, she put a lot of pressure on everyone for the film, including herself

She feels lucky that she is not the only woman now (shout out to Patty Jenkins!!) and is backing each other up in the industry. There is a responsibility to open the door for others and it is disproportionate towards males

She wants this to be normalized for her two young girls

THE PLANE SCENE in The Old Guard 😍😍

She saw the ability to raise the bar in physicality and action scenes

The emotional story resonated with her too. The struggle with humanity is ever present

If there is no emotional connection, it is hard for her to invest in it

She challenges herself with the different fighting styles. She played women allowed to be scrappy but The Old Guard wasn’t like that because her character is so old

It is important to sell her authenticity of her fighting ability, to prove that she can take the guy down with real technique

She doesn’t know how to create from a place outside of fear. It would freak her out not to approach a project without some fear. It is the thing that keeps her going though

I loved this interview so much. The fact that she makes so much of her work in panic while leveling up the bar for other movies is amazing. Also, Atomic Blonde is definitely gonna be on my to watch list after this weekend. Charlize is one of my current faves after seeing her kick ass in The Old Guard.

#comiccon #comiccon at home #sdcc #charlize theron #Atomic Blonde #Mad Max: Fury Road #the old guard

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tiesandtea · 3 years

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An in-depth & really interesting review of Head Music’s various - often forgotten but actually brilliant - b-sides. Originally posted on The Vapour Trail London blog on 20 November 2019.

The folklore of early Suede and the B-sides compilation ‘Sci Fi Lullabies’ would lead the casual observer to believe that the band had peaked creatively to the point that post-1997 B-sides would not be worth investigating, however I believe differently and now, thanks to the reissues of ‘Head Music’, these can now be easily accessed for wider reappraisal.

Full article under the cut.

Coincidentally coinciding with the recent release of Brett Anderson’s second memoir ‘Afternoons with the Blinds Drawn’, Suede have issued the 20 year deluxe edition of their fourth album, ‘Head Music’. Their final number one album to date was issued in May of 1999 to much fanfare, following in the footsteps of their classic ‘Coming up’ in 1996, a record that spawned no less than five top ten singles and saw them achieve astronomical fame across Europe and Asia (indeed, Anderson remains a genuine celebrity in parts of Scandinavia as a direct result). Whilst ‘Head Music’ was a hit, its making has gone down in the annals of history as being even more fraught and littered with personal scandal than even that of their second album, ‘Dog Man Star’, the record that infamously served as original guitarist Bernard Butler’s swan song. The chief reason was Anderson’s spiralling addictions to heroin and crack, which in the eyes of the singer served to influence what he and many others deem the patchiness of the record. Indeed, when Suede first reissued their heyday albums back in 2011, Brett would include within the sleeve notes his own rewritten track listings in each, citing Suede’s fervent devotion to ensuring that their B-sides were up to the same quality as their singles and album tracks, thus costing the associated albums some potential improvements. Songs from the album that often raise debate amongst its makers and listeners include ‘Asbestos’, ‘Elephant Man’, and the almost universally-derided title track, a scrappy, crappy exercise in suggestiveness that even producer Steve Osborne initially refused to have anything to do with.

Perhaps due to all of this, the resultant B-sides of the album’s singles have been lost in time somewhat. Whereas the B-sides associated with the first three albums reached legendary status in such a short space of time that the band issued a compilation double album of nearly all of them in 1997, ‘Sci Fi Lullabies’, their 1999 counterparts are rarely spoken of within the same reverent breath. I would argue that this is vastly remiss to the point of sacrilege as, taken in one listenable chunk, they serve to create what on its own would be an incredible record.

But before we investigate further, it’s worth exploring the genesis of Suede’s musical direction at this point. As Brett and the band have noted many times over the years, Suede sought to follow each album with a record almost diametrically opposed to its predecessor stylistically. The kitchen sink gutter glam of their groundbreaking debut was consciously followed by an ambitious, widescreen and darker ‘Dog Man Star’, the pretension and bluster of which was then followed by a strict album of ‘ten singles’ in ‘Coming Up’. Each time, at least one B-side would serve as a blueprint for what would follow; 1993’s ‘High Rising’ and ‘The Big Time’ served very much of signposts for what would follow in 1994, and then again in 1995, Richard Oakes’ sexy glam pop of ‘Together’ would point the band towards ‘Coming Up’ in 1996. Here, they would seek to expand upon the sonic direction of Mat Osman-penned ‘Europe is Our Playground’, a song they so loved they reworked its arrangement live and subsequently re-recorded for the aforementioned B-Sides compilation of 1997. Caked in icy synths and led by a dub-inspired bass line, it signified something cold and electronic, the desolate melancholy of ‘Dog Man Star’ reimagined by Kraftwerk or Berlin-era Bowie. The band promised this new direction in interviews and the public’s appetite was whetted.

Early in 1998, as part of a Pet Shop Boys-curated tribute to Noel Coward’, the band released one of their prime hidden gems, a suitably synthetic and clinical version of the great writer’s ‘Poor Little Rich Girl’. Unfortunately this was shown to the masses on television via a mimed performance that saw an utterly wasted Anderson grinning inanely with zoned out eyes whilst trying not to fall off a chair. This performance distracted from the impressive song (also featuring the highly talented Raissa, who had supported Suede on their Coming Up tour, on vocals) and seemingly left no impression on anybody.

And so to fast forward to the album. The making of the record has been documented extensively not only in Anderson’s second autobiography but also in David Barnett’s authorised biography ‘Love and Poison’ and Mike Christie’s recent documentary set ‘The Insatiable Ones’. If you’re not familiar with the story, it is a jaw dropping tale of decadence, debauchery and depression, the likes of which have seemingly and thankfully been removed from the culture of music making today. Indeed, there’s not a lot of money around now for bands to blow on endless recording sessions fuelled by endless drug abuse. But what emerged was a flawed but often brilliant record that has stood the test of time well and honestly sounds as fresh as the day it was released. The album’s track list can and will continue to be debated but ultimately, had they shaved off two of the more superfluous numbers (I would argue that the title track serves no purpose as does the turgid closing track ‘Crack in the Union Jack’), it would likely be held in the same high regard as the vast portion of their other records. But we won’t dwell on that here.

First single ‘Electricity’ was accompanied by no fewer than five b-sides, all of which carry some merit. ‘Popstar’, a concise lyrical study of the relationship between fan and band, contains the kind of crystalline synths and dubby bass that the band had sought to highlight with their two musical blueprints prior to the album. Richard Oakes’ guitar parts are sparser than ever before but serve the song well, and the chorus is cold and epic in a way that takes the song from good to great. ‘Killer’, complete with a lyric that seems to expand upon the ficitonlised femme fatale of ‘Coming Up’s ‘She’, is more impressive still; a dark, brooding slice of electro-noir that slinks and stalks in the manner suggested by the song’s lyric. It builds and builds to a desperate crescendo and brings to mind the best of Depeche Mode at their ‘Violator’ zenith. ‘See That Girl’, complete with yearning Anderson vocals lamenting ‘this dog shit world’, is less impressive but still good. A real undersung high point of the time is the Neil Codling-written and sang ‘Waterloo’, an electronic folk classic that sees some beautifully melodic guitar lines almost acting as choruses, and a tenderness rarely reached by the band. The fifth and final b-side (it was on the minidisc – yes, minidisc – version of the single), is ‘Implement Yeah!’, an old co-write with Justine Frischmann where Brett parodies Mark E Smith to amusing effect over a gutter-punk thrash that the band premiered with Justine at the 1997 Reading Festival.

‘She’s in Fashion’ followed in 1999 and quickly became one of the band’s better known songs via endless radio play that perhaps contributed to it being their first single since ‘New Generation’ in 1995 not to reach the top ten. Looking back, I imagine the fact that you could walk into any shop at any time during that Summer and be exposed to it as one reason why fewer people bought it than they might otherwise. The B-sides rank among the band’s very best. ‘Bored’ continues where ‘Implement Yeah’ left off with a Stooges-like guitar thrash adorned by sweet synths and a classically anthem Suede chorus. During an interview at the end of 1999, Mat Osman threatened a harder, rockier direction for the next album which never did come to fruition and it’s possible that this would have been one of its blueprints. ‘Pieces Of My Mind’ is better still, and a rehearsal recording of it sounding very different can be found on the new reissue. Taking its cue from ‘Europe is Our Playground’, it is a dreamlike wander through almost psychedelic electronica and its lilting chorus imprints itself on your mind immediately. ‘Jubilee’, a Codling creation, is one of the best of the era and would probably have made for a better first single than ‘Electricity’, a romantic epic that chugs along like ‘Trash’ and bears a dramatic and addictive chorus that would surely have been incredible live. Perhaps the lyric was somewhat off-putting to the band, a blank retread of other songs including the ‘run with me’ hook of the ubiquitous ‘Europe’. If so, this is a shame as if we are to be honest (and Brett has said so numerous times himself), the entire era was marred by some seriously autopilot lyricism that was charming in places in its framing of the Suede lyrical lexicon of language, and just plain boring in others. The single is rounded off by the gorgeous ‘God’s Gift’, a simplistic piano piece aided and abetted by swirling synths and understated bass that had been written by Brett about Justine many years before. As with a few of Suede’s records (most notably the first album), the spectre and influence of Ms Frischmann lurks around the songs of this era but in perhaps a much more positive way; the two had rekindled their friendship prior to the making of the album and it was Justine’s love of new wave that inspired some of the music.

‘Everything Will Flow’, the great lost ballad of the era in the same way as ‘The Wild Ones’ had been five years prior, saw an interesting bag of B-sides attached that differed in style in a far more pronounced way than the two earlier singles. ‘Leaving’, which Brett sees as the ultimate casualty of this period, is prime Suede in its romantic portrait of a girl departing relationship for a new life, although the underlying sentiment is entirely opposite of that of ‘Another No One’ in 1996. Although still featuring synthesised textures, its abundance of gentle guitar and piano is much more organic and not only serves as an appropriate backing to the not dissimilar ‘Flow’ but also as a subtle nod to where the band would go next. ‘Weight of the World’ is entirely a Neil Codling construction as with the earlier ‘Digging a Hole’ on the ‘Lazy’ single of 1997, however here he is eschews piano in favour of nylon strung guitar. Ruminating on the idea of his own demise, the song finds Neil in introspective form and perhaps shows a window into how he must have been feeling at the time, his health suffering significantly during the making of the record resulting in a chronic bout of ME of which he would never fully recover. It is sad and beautiful and at the time I wondered whether he would one day make a solo record. To date, he never has. ‘Seascape’ is up next, an ambient instrumental piece at odds with the majority of Suede’s output (indeed I believe this is Suede’s sole instrumental within their canon). Pleasing and dreamy in a subtly Eno-esque way, it lures you into a false sense of security for what would follow. The final song of the ensemble is the shocking and brilliant ‘Crackhead’. Noted by Q at the time for its outlandish appeal, it remains one of the most captivating songs in Suede’s history. Built around a staccato electronic motif, it lurches and grinds in a manner the band never achieved before or since, as a hoarse Anderson vocal tears apart his own addiction to the ice with suitable ice. At the time, Brett was in recovery, however this sounds like an isolated howl from the depths of dependence. It roars and builds to a final shrieking chorus of ‘you can’t give it up’ which says all that really needed to be said.

The final single of the era, ‘Can’t Get Enough’, another candidate for what should have previewed the album in place of ‘Electricity’, limped to number 24 in the charts but boasted perhaps the greatest array of B-sides of all the singles. In archetypal Suede fashion, ‘Let Go’ cut an honest precursor to the musical way forward, which would culminate in the predominantly folky ‘A New Morning’. Three-layered harmonies and melodic acoustic strum back one of Richard Oakes’ finest guitar performances, chiming and chugging riffery that would be revisited on later single ‘Obsessions’. Brett’s lyrics convey an all-pervaying positivity minus the bland triteness of the single of the same name, capping off an irrestible euphoria that would be deemed suitable for release as an A-side in their commercial home from home that was Sweden. It’s a shame that they were unable to replicate the feeling of the song across the subsequent ‘A New Morning’ album, however upon reflection the fault may lie in the fact that said album would be over-produced to the point of clean-cut nothingness by the otherwise accomplished Stephen Street. Next song ‘Since You Went Away’ is folkier still and retains much of the same charm, with Brett lamenting the feeling of loss felt in the aftermath of a realtionship break-up. Again, this is truly lovely stuff and acts as a further blueprint for album number five that would never quite be capitalised on. Heading over to CD2, ‘Situations’ is powered by a synthesised Eastern motif and ponders the ‘lonely minds’ and ‘vacant stares’ typical of Anderson’s lyrics of the time. While slightly over long, it would have worked on ‘Head Music’ had it been the more darker record the band initially promised, and even to these ears sounds somewhat influential on final Suede single (at the time), 2003’s ‘Attitude’. The very final B-side of this era is the brilliant and biting ‘Read My Mind’. As with ‘Crackhead’, it reveals a starker, harsher sound complimented by the blank words defining a phase of depression, most likely revealing the way the writer was feeling at the time. The chorus harmonies add to the relentlessness of the piece and once it’s over, you’re honestly left wanting more.

So these B-sides make up the lost record of 1999 whilst also pointing towards Suede’s final record of their first run. The rockier record that Osman hinted at was surely influenced by the likes of ‘Bored’, ‘Crackhead’ and ‘Read My Mind’, whilst the likes of ‘Let Go’, ‘Leaving’ and ‘Since You Went Away’ were very definitely influences on what eventually did surface. The folklore of early Suede and the B-sides compilation ‘Sci Fi Lullabies’ would lead the casual observer to believe that the band had peaked creatively to the point that post-1997 B-sides would not be worth investigating, however I believe differently and now, thanks to the reissues of ‘Head Music’, these can now be easily accessed for wider reappraisal.

#suede #head music #happy HM anniversary!#head music review

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esstrauss · 3 years

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Poem...”My Scrappy Triolet”

If we do not take risks we cannot be happy

We cannot evolve

Otherwise life will be rather crappy

If we do not take risks we cannot be happy

Be unafraid and go be scrappy

Become very involved with your fears

If we do not take risks we cannot be happy

We cannot evolve

#poetry community #poet #poem #poetry #triolet #risk it all #scrappy

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valmos · 4 years

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New Scooby-Doo Mysteries 11-13 + End Thoughts

Episode 11: Sherlock Doo

Monster: Ghost of Sherlock Holmes

Interests: Fred is driving the Mystery Machine. In London for some Sherlock Mystery thing. (No Velma... which is odd since she was a big Sherlock fan.) Another weirdness where Sherlock is being treated as a real person, though so far this episode doesn’t present him as also fictional, just previous episodes. Scooby gets some fish and chips, Shaggy and Scooby eat em all. “Dog? Where?” Daphne tricks a guard into breaking them out of jail. Fred, Daphne, and Scrappy lock up their guard. They then go and break Scooby and Shaggy out of jail. Gang breaks into a wax museum. Gang breaks into Buckingham Palace. Daphne, Fred, and Scrappy get caught, but Shaggy and Scooby manage to get away.

Episode 12(a): A Scarey Duel with a Cartoon Ghoul

Monster: Monster Mutt

Interests: Going to see where they make Scrappy’s favorite cartoon, “Hero Hound”. Monster Mutt looks like a buffed bipedal DynoMutt. Ralph The Guard’s prototype appears in the character Dimwittie. (Frank Welker gave them the same voice) Scrappy makes a crappy cartoon during this episode.

(Okay so I normally look at a wiki after watching a series to see if there is any interesting behind the scenes stuff or just stuff I missed. And well I thought I was just joking about Ralph The Guard, but apparently I wasn’t? Dimwittie was originally going to be called Ralph, but after the voice Frank Welker gave him his name was changed. Tom Rugger wrote this episode and he based Ralph The Guard on Dimwittie and Welker’s performance. So Welker didn’t so much give them same voice as he was told to do the same voice haha)

Episode 12(b): E*I*E*I*O

Monster: 30 Foot Tall Mouse

Interests: Old MacDonalds’s E.I.E.I.O. Experimental Institute for Evolutionary Improvement of Organisms. Scooby starts singing the song. Old MacDonald: ”I’m the director here at E.I.E.I.O. and on this farm we have a big mystery” Scooby eats a PB&J that grew on a tree. Milking woman singing Old MacDonald. Scooby saves the mouse and it turns on who was controlling it. Giant mouse is returned to normal and joins faux-gang 2.0 (never to be seen again *Unsolved Mysteries theme plays*)

Episode 13: The Nutcracker Scoob

Monster: Ghost of Christmas Never

Interests: Fred is here. Christmas is here. Deck the Hall is song, but with members of the gang included: “Daphne dress likes Kris Kringle” “Freddie sings a yule time jingle” “Scrappy-Doo will juggle for us” “Shaggy puts the stage together” :Scooby-doo enjoys the weather”. Fred brought the gang to this orphanage. (While the episode title suggests nutcracker, it seems we are christmas carol) A cat that sounds very much like M.A.D. Cat is with the Scrooge like character, even looks like a solid grey version of M.A.D. Cat (... actually I think Frank Welker voiced M.A.D. Cat, and he probably voices this one too). I think I remember this episode too, like cartoon network used to have Christmas cartoon marathons. Gang is putting on a play of .. Christmas Carol, but Scrappy is dressed like a sugarplum fairy? Gang runs out of the orphanage, leaving the kids? or did the kids already leave? Shaggy and the dogs sing Santa Clause is coming to town. Sleigh that has the same color scheme as the Mystery Machine. The cook for the Scrooge-type speaks like Julia Child. Okay, so they are putting on both the Nutcracker Suite and Christmas Carol... or well they are putting on a condensed version of The Nutcracker. Cat’s name is Snowball. Scrooge-like has been super heartless, but truly cares about his cat when it is in danger. One of the kids saves Snowball and Scrooge-like starts melting, and finds the Christmas spirit.

End Thoughts: This series was... a little wild. Most episodes were good or decent, a couple not so much. A few episodes were good but also super WTF in what was going on, like the ghost alien one that felt like a D&D game. All in all an enjoyable series. It was cool to have Velma and Fred back, but wish they were around for the whole thing instead of three episodes, and then a solo Velma and two solo Fred.

Actually vaguely remembered one episode and remembered a good chunk of another, feels like it has been so long since I remembered something more than an intro.

#valmos watches scooby-doo #I saw the first episode of 13 ghosts so many times and other episodes a good amount but never the end #So I am excited!

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arise-children-angel-is-here · 7 months

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I will drop my very scrappy crappy comic about carbon and stuff here. I finished this like 5 minutes ago and it's 2:057 am. Imma go sleep now 👍

#proceeds to jammie jam #agahsgsidhfork #idk what else to add here...#idk what im doing #idk man

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rosesandrorys · 4 years

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✧･ﾟ( demeter + alexa demie + cis female ) 𝒎𝒂𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝒎𝒊𝒂 !! have you seen ( veronica “rory” flores ) around ? ( she ) have/has been in kaos for ( two months ). the ( twenty four year old ) is a/an ( bartender ) from ( los angeles, united states ). people say they can be ( hot-headed ) but maybe that’s not too bad ‘cause they can also be ( steadfast ). whenever i think of them, i can’t help but think of ( iced coffee at nine pm, the smell of the earth after rain, a four leafed clover poking out of a crack in the road ). ･ﾟ✧ ( penned by neha, 21, est, she/her ).

hiiiii everyone first of all i am so happy to be here the main is b e a u t i f u l and gives me so much greek god inspo! i’m neha this is my bby rory!! i’m going to add my big bio/about blurb that was in my app so if you want to you can read all about her, but if you don’t have time here’s a little tldr; for you!

rory is my LA club kid QUEEN, she basically grew up super poor but going to a school wanting to fit in with the rich popular kids, long story short she started selling club drugs n stuff to them, gained the friendship and money but once hs ended it, everything ended and she basically had to start over, only now she had the uphill battle w/ addiction to drugs/partying/bad decisions to also handle! she’s on the island bc her mom met a rich guy and he has a villa on the island he wants her to fix up, which is also doubling as a kind of ‘get clean’ retreat tho it ain’t rlly working even tho sgenuinelynunienly sometimes want to do better. she’s a hustler and has a sharp tongue, but on the inside she has a heart of gold and rlly just wants to be loved for who she is for like the first time ever <3

PLOTTING STUFF: she’s been on the island for two months now, but lil girl is all about having those connections bc she thinks its the only way she can have value (ugh poor kid) so lmk!! they could’ve met through the whole partying/drugs route, at the bar where she works at a bartender, or maybe at the hardware stores that she frequents because she’s fixing up the villa! i have more specific plot ideas but i don’t want to make this post too long so hmu or like this post for me to come to you!!

ok, that’s my two pieces said, now here’s the longish bio section if you want to learn more in depth about her :)Tw for abuse, drug use/dealing, addiction

B I O G R A P H Y

Rory is from LA born and raised! Her mother is a single mom and it was just them for a long time, with the rotating cast of her mother’s boyfriends. The two could just never seem to get close to financial stability and she grew up rough, never having enough money to keep up with the kids at school, then having to fend for herself once she got home because her mother worked nights.

At home, it all depended on what boyfriend out of the rotation her mother was currently seeing. The best strategy for all of them was avoidance, so Rory spent her days on the streets or at work, never really wanting to deal with the boyfriends. Throughout the years, she suffered abuse and neglect from these men, and though she tried to tell her mother, who was always just a little too busy, a little too high, or a little too blind to the effects. Besides, they needed the extra money that the various boyfriends gave.

Despite it all, at school Rory shined. She was smart, that much was clear, and she exuded a certain aura of warmth that could make anyone, even the girls with birkin bags and ice cold hearts fall in love. Her school was a dichotomy of rich and poor, and if she worked her ass off and put in maximum effort, it seemed she could fit in with both. But she didn’t want both, didn’t want the stigma of her background to follow her everywhere. She wanted to live in the world of marble countertops and athleisure accessorized with diamonds. So, with extreme effort, she pulled herself up to the social ranks of those girls in school, always going over to their houses to study, pretending she never learned how to drive so that they wouldn’t know she couldn’t afford a car, let alone the mercedes and italian sports cars they drove to school.

But keeping up has its price, and that price began to climb as she was integrated deeper. Rory needed money for twelve dollar salads and fifty dollar spin classes, and the money from her job (which she said her mom forced her to do to learn responsibility) wasn’t cutting it. She was a scrappy kid turned into a precocious young adult and she’d been scrambling all her life, this was just another bootstraps moment. She had the connections from her neighborhood, and what did rich kids like more than drugs? The answer was nothing, and Rory made the leap easily, starting off small and gradually building up a mini drug empire in her high school. She finally had spending money, but more importantly she had friends and people who cared about her, and she wasn’t going to give that up for the world.

Rory wasn’t dumb, she knew this couldn’t last forever, so she was also making solid plans to further herself in life. But an addictive personality ran in her veins as evidenced by her mother who was addicted to it all - drugs, boyfriends, and bad decisions. The moment it all started to go south could be pinpointed to the moment she herself started to use the drugs. Her friends were doing it after all, and she didn’t want to be a buzzkill. The drugs were an escape from her shitty life that was going nowhere, after all. They let her put on the rose-tinted glasses that she’d been denied since birth, and Rory ate it up.

But with every ascent, comes a crash and as the lag time from the drugs started to affect her performance in everyday life, grades started to slip, dreams fell to the wayside and prospects started to vanish. By the time she finished highschool they’d say - what a fall from grace. Because she’d forgotten one very important thing. If her friends made a mistake, it could all be very easily swept under the rug and forgotten by way of their parents’ money. Rory, however, had no safety net, and at the end of highschool she was left in the lurch: same terrible grades and attendance as her friends, but no large donations to get her into prestigious schools. Or, for a fact, any schools. She’d peaked, and what followed graduation was a spiralling descent back to where she’d started. The friends she’d been so fiercely loyal to moved on to college and beyond and she was left with nothing but the endless LA party scene filled with people she didn’t care about and worse and worse decisions by the day.

If it’d gone on for a couple more months, she’d probably have died. But the money started to dry up as her friends left, and the final blow was a drop gone wrong - high as a kite, she’d decided that handing off a major package to a much larger man in a dark alley was a good idea, and the inevitable tussle and robbing left her hurting. She was high and dry with no income and no savings. Twenty-two years old and nothing to her name. It was time for that scrappy kid to scramble once again, but that kid now had a mild drug problem and a chip on her shoulder the size of Texas.

It wasn’t going to be easy. But one thing Rory was always good at was cultivating her connections. Though her friends had moved on, Rory’s combination of dimples, winning smile, and just enough ass kissing had created just enough opportunities with the people in their lives, and the people at the parties she frequented. She had an in to the rich, and damn if she wasn’t going to exploit it. Odd jobs here and there was her life now, just enough to keep her drug addiction alive, just enough to keep her name in the back of the minds of the wealthy. She knew this would change her life somehow, she just wasn’t quite sure how yet.And who could’ve predicted how it happened.

It was mundane, a job making drinks at a classy party, one of those ones where the host barely shows up, where the adults sip their martinis and the kids do blow in the bathrooms. The party wasn’t anything remarkable, but what followed was. She was getting picked up by her mother, and the host of the party, a middle aged salt and pepper type man recognized her mother. They had gone to school together or something, Rory was exhausted and didn’t really care, but apparently her mother turned on the same charm inherent in Rory, and the next Friday had lined up a date.

Things progressed extremely quickly from there on out, with lavish dinners and getaway weekends for the two lovebirds. It was astonishing to watch, and the whispers of ‘gold-digger’ from the country club ladies couldn’t even come close to puncturing Rory’s mom’s thick skin. Both women had been to hell and back after all, had worked all their lives for pennies, and finally something serendipitous had happened. All the toxic exs were dropped within the first six months, the crappy two bedroom within a year, and after a year and a half marriage and a kid on the way - though nobody could quite say which one came first. It was a strike of lightning, transforming the tiny flores family immediately. Call it fate or fortune, but Rory was finally back in that world that she’d strived to be in.

This time, when the spiral came it was well supported and well recognized by Rory’s new step-father. He’d already been through the gambit of raising rich kids, two who were now nearing their thirties, and he could see the signs instantly. Bloodshot eyes, partying all night, sniffles and gaunt features. Rory was getting pulled in again, and fast, but this time there was finally someone looking out for her. She couldn’t escape the lure of the partying and the drugs alone, and this marriage had essentially busted it wide open for her, kicking away any barriers that had been there before. They couldn’t control her, really. She’d been scrambling so long that cutting off the money didn’t matter, she had her connections and her grit that had gotten her this far.

What Rory needed was an out, a way to escape the vicious cycle addiction had pulled her into and her step-father had just the thing: a house on a tiny island in Greece, a fixer upper that needed some love. Of course, he could easily drop a few thousand down and have it renovated much quicker, but he knew Rory had lost her purpose, so he offered it to her on a silver platter.Pride almost kept her in LA. The thinly veiled excuse to get her out wasn’t fooling anyone, but the last straw came when her step father asked her a very simple question: “What’s left for you here?”. For her whole life, LA had only given her pain, hardship, and drugs. Now, the latter was the only thing left. So, she took the deal, and the girl who had never left LA booked a ticket for the other side of the world.

Now, Rory has been on the island for five months. It’s not exactly rehab, but the drug usage has diminished bit by bit, She’s starting to find her footing and become part of the community. She still has that chip on her shoulder, but putting her energy into building something feels good. She’s never built anything in her life, and the house with its extensive gardens needs a lot of work so it’s keeping her extremely busy. When she first got there, the first thing she did was immediately pick up a job as a local bartender because she hates being dependent on her step-father’s money, for fear of him taking it away (trust issues much). The LA dust and glitter is slowly clearing from her eyes, and she’s discovering a much kinder and greener world.

P E R S O N A L I T Y

Rory is super charismatic and thus far has been turning on her charm in order to further things in life. She doesn’t have to do this anymore, so her genuine warmness is starting to shine through more. She’s been stung by basically all the relationships in her life, so she holds real companionship extremely close, loyal to the end and extremely passionate and protective.

Bitch has trust issues and a bit of an edge though, so getting to that deep companionship is really hard.She’s also a rough kid, had to claw and fight her way through her life, so she’s definitely a little rough around the edges. She doesn’t open up quickly, and she has a quick temper that acts as a learned defense mechanism. She definitely has a nasty streak when it comes to defense mechanisms, and can be quick with her wrath.

Years on drugs leading up to this quieter life have made Rory a bit antsy, and though she still does some drugs she’s transitioning to chasing an adrenaline high - her addictive personality is always going to be her fatal flaw.

#kaos:intro #like this if you want to plot i'll come to you!!#about

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loulougoingsolo · 4 years

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Sappy, Crappy and Clean-shaven

I've had a busy day going to therapy and getting things done after postponing them for too long, and I'm therefore writing my GMM commentary a little later than usual. And, I had to listen to the new Ear Biscuit before logging in, just in case of spoilers of any kind. Since the Biscuits are currently a heavier in theme, I'll try to stay on a lighter and shorter side with this post. We'll see how that goes!

The last time I went to a McDonald's as a paying customer was around 1995. After that, I ordered myself a McMurder t-shirt, and it was very much off-brand for me to go there - besides, they didn't have any veggie options, until quite recently. We also don't have KFC or Wendy's here, and although Burger King is advertising their vegan whopper on every street corner at the moment, I haven't really felt a compelling need to try it. From this perspective, I can't really say anything about the fast food items Rhett and Link consumed today.

With the rate the guys are eating everything put in front of their mouths, they are going to be stuffed before this game is over. Rhett's appetite never fails to amaze me. I wonder if he's ever accidentally bit his own fingers? But synchronized eating is my favourite sport:

I wish Rhett wasn't just biting into his breakfast sandwich when Stevie said they should decide which sausage is better on their own time. He responds with a snort, but it's really muffled by the sausage in his mouth (think before you write moment here, but let's move on).

This is not an easy game. I'm a bit of an pickle conoisseur, but sliced inside a burger, I would not pay any attention to that part. I'd probably know if it's missing, but that's it. Also, what is the McDonald's fancy lettuce? And why is this sideview of Rhett biying into his chicken burger so aesthetically pleasing?

Okay, I don't know if there is any actual educated guessing knvolved in this game, but it appears like Rhett is winning, despite Link really doing a deep analysis on the dipping sauces. I would not be able to just lick a french fry (I realized I've never used the singular form, but fries...fry, right?) without eating it. I also can't look this sophisticated eating fast food, even if I really tried. I love how Link acknowledges they are divas - the two boys from a small town, eating fries like it was caviar.

I can't remember ever getting a Happy meal with a toy at McDonald's as a kid, but for what I remember, the toys were not that cool. I know I'm supposed to be a grown-up now, but I love those dinosaurs. I'm not so sure about the dinocentipede Link created, though. And actually, why weren't the dknosaurs made to scale? I know T-Rexes had small brains and all that, but that is not anatomically correct.

It's amazing how low quality some of the toys are. I'd be really bummed if my 7 dwarfs were twice the size of Snow white, and a Furby without the talking part is really just an ugly doll. And really, that game with the rings and hands thing is lame even for a "free" toy.

My absolute favourite thing about GMMore was Rhett and Link trying to remember the names of the seven dwarfs. Scrappy, Dopey, Oldie, Grumpy, Happy, Musician, Loopey, Sappy, Leader, Beardy, Clean-shaven, Crappy, Nappy...but I agree, Bashful is an odd choice. I want Link's version of the dwarfs be the next remake of the story.

#gmm #gmmore #rhett and link #gmm 1675 #fast food swaps #happy meal toys #link neal and the seven dwarfs

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 4 years

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Psycho Analysis: Scoring System Rework & Mass Correction

Welcome to the second year of Psycho Analysis! The first year was one hell of a learning experience for me as I reviewed and rated all sorts of villains, and as I’ve been on hiatus I’ve come to realize my scoring system is inherently flawed and that I’m not totally satisfied with the rankings I gave everyone before.

Now, here is the original scoring system, as laid out in this post introducing the series:

1 - Absolute garbage; the worst of the worst

2 - Seriously bad

3 - Excessively mediocre

4 - Below average

5 - Average/Standard, nothing special

6 - Above average

7 - Pretty good

8 - Excellent

9 - Outstanding

10 - Amazing, one of the very best

Now, it’s decent, and I’ve mostly stuck to it... but I feel it needs a rework. It’s just too vague and doesn’t really give much meaning to the overall rating. So here is an updated ranking:

1 - A terrible villain, one that fails on nearly every level or at least is so utterly worthless and incompetent as to be unenjoyable, even ironically.

2 - Mediocre and forgettable. There may be a couple good things... but not enough to make you care all that much.

3 - Almost awful, but with some redeeming quality that holds them back from being worse. These villains can be “So bad it’s good” villains.

4 - Just below average. They have enough problems keeping them from being called good, but they’re not totally worthless, just underwhelming.

5 - Average villains. These tend to be super basic or generic villains saved by good vocal performances.

6 - Above average; nothing too special, but definitely leaning towards being a really good villain

7 - A really good villain. Nothing majorly outstanding, but enjoyable. Think a really good anime filler episode villain.

8 - The Big tier. These are low-tier greats, villains who are really good but have just a few too many flaws keeping them from going higher.

9 - Nearly perfect icons. These are villains who could very easily stand among the greatest of all time, but just lack the proven staying power or recognition.

10 - True icons. Reserved only for the villains with a notable impact on culture or who are extremely well-regarded amongst fans of the works they’re in.

11 - This is reserved for special occasions, villains who have had a massive and undeniable impact on popular culture, in some cases changing the course of fiction as we know it.

And now for the corrections... as you can see, the tier list up there is how the old villains were rated, based on their scores from the original Psycho Analysis posts. But I feel like I overrated and underrated some villains, so with the new scorings in mind, let’s go over who belongs where:

11: Orlock, Vader, Wicked Witch, and the Grinch should be the only 11s so far. The Witch should just barely be ahead of the Grinch, though honestly they’re pretty equal in terms of impact. Very little to change here.

10: I feel like I gave out 10s a bit too easily before; I didn’t really have much in mind besides “really great villain.” So, to rectify, here is the new order: Batty, Kira, Senator Armstrong, Joker, Tyler Durden, Gaston, Kefka, Mojo Jojo, Thanos, Skarsgard!Pennywise, Curry!Pennywise, Voldemort, Giovanni, Dahlia Hawthorne, Ghetsis Harmonia, Pyramid Head, Betelgeuse, Tamatoa, Patrick Bateman, Team Rocket (Jessie/James/Meowth).

9: A lot of really great villains are bumped down to 9, but I think they could easily get back up to 10 someday, if they’re staying power increases. The new ranking for the 9s is: Mysterio, Ego, Aro, Candyman, Toomes, Mewtwo, Lucy, Ernesto de la Cruz, Sabretooth, The Sanderson sisters, Imhotep, The Kingpin, Hopper, Cyrus, The Grand High Witch, The Grandmaster, Vanilla Ice, Wammu

8: More rearranging. Nicholson!Joker, Obadiah Stane, Jafar, Cartman, Hexxus, Oogie Boogie, Joe, Buffalo Bill, Eisidisi, Ultron, Van Pelt, Archie, Nancy Claus, Jimmy Brando, Jack O’Lantern, Pet Shop, Woodland Critters.

7: Most of the enemy Stand users moved down here because in hindisght very few of them rise above just being enjoyable challenges for Jotaro. Princess Ahmanet, N’Doul, Screenslaver, Mariah, Forever, D’Arby Bros (both are about on equal footing, though obviously the Elder gets the edge), Ghost Writer, J. Geil, Anubis, Maxie, Caius, Tod Spengo, Steely Dan, that Halloween Toy Story guy, Robot Santa.

6: Not too much change here. Carrey!Grinch, Kars, Remake!Freddy, The Noid, John Doe, Bun-Bun, Rubber Soul, Douche.

5: Again, much of it is the same. Farquaad, Marcus, Ratcliffe, Faculty Four, Gray Fly, Endgame!Thanos.

4: Benedict Cumbergrinch, Hans, Scrappy, OG!Maxie & Archie. Quite a few cuts here.

3: I came to terms with my enjoyment of a lot of crappy villains, so I decided to switch around 2 and 3 and spruce things up a bit. Terl, Slipknot, Justin Hammer, Snoke, Storm King.

2: Remake!Jafar, Bellwether, Whiplash, Enchantress, Leto!Joker, Fright Knight, Fake Captain Tenille, Killian, Evelyn Deavor, Russell Van Pelt, Edna Jucation, Pumpkinator, Arabia Fats, Kenny G, Incubus. A lot of the 1s I realized were just my personal biases; did they really deserve to be named the absolute worst villains ever when they tended to have problems like “no real screentime or personality” or “bad and stupid plans but otherwise ok performances?” 1s are only for the bottom of the barrel, and so now that is...

1: Rowan North, Dudepeel, and Killian. These are the three worst villains so far. I have nothing nice to say about any of them, and examples like these need to to stand for what is worst in villains.

Going forward, this is how I’m going to be keeping score, and these are the official rankings I will stand by.

#Psycho Analysis

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jurassicsunsets · 6 years

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Are Trachodon, Hadrosaurus, Claosaurus, Anatosaurus and Anatotitan all the same as Edmontosaurus?

Well, that depends on who you ask. There are two widely accepted species of Edmontosaurus: The earlier, smaller, shorter-faced, crested E. regalis and the later, larger, longer-faced, so-far-crestless E. annectens.

(Image by Matt Martyniuk)

E. regalis is the type species of Edmontosaurus; E. annectens was later assigned to it.

“Anatosaurus” is a genus that was coined specifically for E. annectens when it was widely thought distinct enough to merit its own genus. This isn’t widely accepted nowadays, though it is used by some people (notably, by the creators of the videogame Saurian).

Pictured: Awkward yearbook photos, featuring “Anatotitan” in the lower right.

“Anatotitan” was thought to be a distinct animal from both Edmontosaurus species. However, more recent work has revealed that it likely just represents an older E. annectens, making it a junior synonym.

Here’s where it starts to get a little tricky. Claosaurus agilis was originally named as Hadrosaurus agilis in 1872; it was later given its own genus in 1890. Edmontosaurus annectens was originally then described as Claosaurus annectens in 1892, and then Edmontosaurus regalis was named as a new genus and species in 1917. In 1942 annectens was placed into the new genus “Anatosaurus”, where it stayed until it was moved into Edmontosaurus in 1990.

Are you with me? Good. Let’s talk about dubious taxa.

If a species can be reliably distinguished from other species, and confidently stated to be different, it’s called a diagnostic taxon. So what if it isn’t, and how did these come about?

In the early days of palaeontology, everything was new. If you found something, chances were pretty high it was like nothing ever before seen, so even the scrappiest crappiest bits of bone could have never-before-seen features that meant they could be clearly distinguished from everything else we knew of.

The key word there is “knew” - because we’ve found so much more since then, and this newer stuff is more complete. Features that once were brand new and unique were found to be present in whole swathes of animals, and so taxonomic rot set in. Taxa that were once diagnostic now were just crappy bits of bone that no one could say were unique.

So, that’s okay, right? We can just sink those into newer species. Right?

Unfortunately….not really. There’s a precedent of taxonomic priority - that the oldest name is the one that should be used. This is a good rule to have in most cases, because it prevents some devious egomaniacal upstart from coming in and naming new species to overtake old ones. But since a lot of these crappy fossils were named first….well, we can’t really sink them. Nor can we prove that these newer fossils are the same as the older ones….because the older ones are so crappy. They could be anything. They could be unique. They could be the exact same as something else. We don’t know. They’re dubious taxa.

Okay, that’s a lot of words. We’re here for pictures, damn it, let’s see the dinosaurs.

This is Trachodon. Well, it’s all we have of it.

One thing you’ll notice very quickly is that a lot (a LOT) of these old crappy genera are used as taxonomic garbage cans. Because they’re so scrappy, you could argue that ANYTHING that looks similar to them should be inside that genus, and so new species that are described will be shoved into there - and yes, this included annectens.

What actually was Trachodon? Well, it’s a mixture of ceratopsian and hadrosaur teeth. It’s probably something like Lambeosaurus, more specifically.

This is Thespesius. Try not to marvel at its amazingness.

Thespesius was named the same year as Trachodon (1856), and by the same dude, no less. Uh, there’s not a ton to say about this one. It was used as a dumping ground for other species - including E. annectens. It’s too scrappy to really say anything about.

What actually was it? Realistically? Edmontosaurus annectens, but you can’t prove that, and it was named first.

This is Hadrosaurus. Surprisingly un-crappy! Believe it or not, these bones were the first reason we knew that some dinosaurs walked on two legs.

Hadrosaurus was described in 1858, two years after Trachodon. It’s been considered dubious on and off throughout the years; it seems it might actually not be dubious (surprisingly). It’s another wastebasket taxon, and yes, annectens was considered a part of it at one point.

What actually was Hadrosaurus? It was a hadrosaur (shocker!) that was probably more “primitive” than either the hollow-crested lameosaurines or the flat-headed saurolophines.

This is Claosaurus. No, not the whole thing, just the photos around the edges. The rest is just a best-guess.

Claosaurus was named as a species of Hadrosaurus in 1872, then given its own genus in 1890. Like Hadrosaurus, it was used as a major wastebasket taxon, and like Hadrosaurus, it’s hanging out in taxonomic limbo where no one is willing to say if it’s dubious or not. The general consensus on this one seems to be “diagnostic enough”.

What actually was it? Probably a non-hadrosauid hadrosauromorph, if you can believe that.

I couldn’t find a picture of Diclonius. This isn’t Diclonius, it’s Trachodon. But it might as well be Diclonius. Imagine that picture but very slightly different.

Diclonius was named in 1876. Surprise! It’s a wastebasket taxon. Surprise! It’s dubious.

What was it really? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Eh, it was a hadrosaurid of some kind. Probably a lambeosaur.

And there you have it! I’m sure your life was amazingly enriched by the knowledge of these obscure dubious taxa. Tell your friends all about them. Write to your representative. Buy this t-shirt and I get 0% of the profits. Make a cake with Thespesius on it. Hunt down Diclonius and send me a picture.

#for those wondering about ugrunaaluk:#eh it's probably just e. regalis but who knows

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