#it killed my already subpar mood!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

a funny lil flower that suits a funny lil guy

[chemical-killjoy]

Here's a few reminders about the current heat wave in australia and global warming.

Things you may not know:

2023 is the world's hottest year on record, and 2024 is looking to be worse.

Heatwaves are Australia's deadliest natural hazard. Let that sink in. It's not fires. We all know how devastating those are. It's not floods either. It's heat waves. It's not just a little heat, it's a hazard.

With the cost of living and inflation currently happening, a lot of people are rationing air conditioning or can't afford any. This puts more people at risk

It's not just the heat, but the humidity with it that adds to the danger

If you live in a suburban area, you are more at risk, as the concrete and lack of trees traps in the heat

The La Nina (sorry my laptop won't let me do the tilde) years we're going through are now hotter than El Nino years 50 years ago.

Risks with the heat wave and temperature rise in general:

Heat stroke can make you quite nauseous, so you may not be eating enough, making it harder for your body to look after itself.

There's such a thing as over-hydration and it can be just as serious as dehydration

With hotter nights it's harder to sleep - another thing effecting how well your body can handle things and cope

A cold beer can sound soothing, but alcohol warms you up, as well as dehydrating you, and causing lower blood sugar; keep this in mind as you enjoy, make sure you get plenty of water as being dehydrated with this shit is... let's say, subpar.

Heat exhaustion is real, no one is able to think lightning quick with the brain fog that comes with this heat. That means if you're not fully with it, things like driving become more dangerous

If you can't cool down within 30 minutes when you have heat exhaustion, or worse, heat stroke, it can become deadly

If you have a mental health disorder (and if you're on tumblr, chances are you're either neurodivergent, lgbt+, mentally ill or a funky mix) the heat literally changes your mood and exacerbates things. This has been linked to an increase in suicides and attempts, please make sure you have a support network in place, as if things are hard, call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or 000.

There is a point where sweating doesn't help as the hair is saturated/there's high humidity and the sweat cannot evaporate, therefore not cooling you down

The heat can kill, the link at the bottom of the page tells you how

Safety tips:

YOU ARE NOT STRONGER THAN THE FUCKIN SUN!!! Please make sure you are wearing sunscreen if you have to be outside or even near a window. Sunburn and cancer aren't funny, it's painful and deadly.

Drink plenty of water. No one cares if you look uncool carrying around a water bottle, because they either are as well, or are putting themselves at risk. If you're putting a bottle of water in the freezer for the next day, make sure you have non-frozen water to drink straight away

Seek shade as much as possible, even if it's carrying a small umbrella with you, or literally just a cap. Anything is better than nothing. This includes sunnies.

Cold baths and showers. I don't care that they're not pleasant, they can save you. If you have heat stroke, one of the best things to do is to have a luke-warm bath (as this temperature will likely already be painful - I saw my sister go through it) and make it colder to cool yourself down SLOWLY (but really, best advice is to call the doctor, 000, or go to the hospital)

Keep an eye on your body temperature if you can. If it gets over 41'C, your body begins to basically cook itself inside out

If money is an issue and you have a working air conditioner, set it to a higher temperature and turn on a fan. This will make the air feel cooler while saving money

If you don't have an aircon, here's a link on how to create a makeshift one

Alternatively, take turns with your mates going to each others houses to all be in an air conditioned room, while saving money of not having your aircon on everyday.

Aloe Vera at night when you're sunburnt will help ease the pain and cool you down. Also things like using mint body wash will make you feel cooler

I know we're all sweaty but do NOT overdo it with the deodorant. It will clog up your pores, you won't be able to sweat... this is bad

Take a break from exercising; your body will not start to deteriorate muscle until about 3 weeks of not using said muscle passes (I learnt this from my physio). If you're struggling with the idea of not exercising for a while, you might be struggling with over-exercising or an eating disorder - please think this over and consult a doctor.If you need to continue exercise for medical reasons: make sure you are in a cool area, hydrated, have time to cool down after your workout, and do NOT attempt anything too intense. No HIIT or anything high intensity. Aim for things like yoga or pilates (it's not just for women!!!)

You can buy hand held misting fans from kmart for $5 (these really work... I was at a concert in 41'C heat and the lady next to me had one... it helped so much)

Now is not the time for body insecurity, you are fucking gorgeous, I swear, just put the fucking crop top and shorts on or go topless if you can. It's too hot for insecurity

Make sure you've got a good fly screen and leave your doors/windows open but locked over night to keep you cooler. If you don't have a fly screen, try putting a mesh curtain over the door/window.

Silk sheets are not a good plan, you want cotton for absorbancy

Stop having hot meals. You need something cooler, no one gives a shit if you're having weetbix for dinner if you're not dying from your body temperature rising!! It's already gonna rise from the energy expenditure of digestions! So just eat something cool, ok? And make sure you're getting enough carbs, they're not evil, they keep your brain functioning, and you need that extra help with the heat fog brain.

Last of all don't be afraid to call 000 or your country's emergency/crisis number. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Here's the link to where I got most the info, feel free to add more info to this!!!

[batboymunson]

can we get an imagine about the reader showing eddie more vibey indie music so when they hang out it isn’t all loud and intense music

<3 ur the best

video killed the rockstar || e.m.

❀ synopsis; although you loved eddie and what made him who he was, sometimes his music wasn't fitting the mood

❀ word count; 401

❀ warnings; n/a! enjoy some happy eddie because that's what we all deserve

❀ notes; i need me some cute and happy eddie imagines, if any of you know some please link them and i will stockpile and obsess for the next few business days <3 but ty for requesting!! i hope you enjoy this!!

"ALRIGHT, LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON the road!" Excited, Eddie clapped his hands together and rummaged through the backpack he had on his lap. "Let's see what I have here. . .Metallica, Black Sabbath, whatcha wanna listen to?"

You drummed your hands on the steering wheel, pulling out of his neighborhood and onto the main road. "Maybe we could listen to one of my tapes this time? We have a bit of a drive ahead of us and I don't think I can handle my ear drums getting blown out this early in the morning."

Eddie put his hand over his heart, feigning shock to pull a laugh out of you, which it did. "Fine, I see how it is. Go on, grace me with your subpar music taste."

You laughed and fiddled with the tape player, head bumping to the beat of your latest "drop everything and dance around the room" song, The Buggles' Video Killed The Radio Star as it poured through the speakers.

Eddie grimaced and sunk into his seat as you jammed out, rolling down your window and taking in the morning breeze. You reached out to take one of his hands like the two of you always did while driving and he reluctantly slid his in yours while you belted out the chorus.

"C'mon, loosen up Munson!" You smiled and squeezed his hand. "This is just one of many different songs I put on this tape!"

Eddie smiled, your joy infectious. "You're gonna be the death of me, you know that?"

You went to reply when the song ended only to be followed by Tears for Fears. Excited, you quickly turned the volume up and looked at Eddie, who was already staring at you like you put the stars in the sky.

"So, when can I put my tapes in?" Eddie joked, rolling down his window to join in bathing in the morning as Hawkins whizzed past the two of you in a blur.

"When I say so," you quipped. "You're enjoying this, too, don't lie to me!"

"I'd rather be caught dead before admitting to that."

"Then it's our little secret," you replied, taking your eyes off the road for a second to wink at him. "Eddie the Metalhead likes something besides metal."

Eddie squeezed your hand once, twice, three times. I love you. "Tell anyone - especially the pipsqueaks - and you lose all music privileges."

[mermaidsirennikita]

I’m not sure if it’s the absolutely abysmal weather where I live or what but I am feeling super depressed (the kind where you’re like huh my life has no meaning and everyone else has everything figured out and I’m so alone…) Anyway I want to treat myself to a new historical romance and I’ve been eyeing Beauty Tempts the Beast by Lorraine Heath - which I know I’ve seen you recommend. All this to say I love Lorraine’s books but they’re not always what I would call upbeat so do you think that one would be a good choice or can you recommend anything better given my situation? I also realize after writing this that it may be time to book another session with my therapist!

Well, first off, I'm sorry you're down! I promise you everyone else doesn't have it figured out because I don't lol, but I've felt this way quite often in my life (... like from June to October last year with no stop) so I get it. I hope that it cools down soon. I love therapy and it's always something I'd recommend.

Re: Beauty Tempts the Beast--I definitely wouldn't call it one of Lorraine's darker books, and I don't think it would've made mY mood worse if I was down, but I also have a very high tolerance for sad fiction and I also feel that I seek out that stuff sometimes when I'm down, on like a weird sympathetic level.

Things I'd give a heads up about:

--the entire conceit of Sins for All Seasons is that the Trewloves (all but one) are not their mother's biological children; rather, they were all illegitimate, with different bio moms, and left at a Ettie Trewlove's doorstep. She was a baby farmer--basically, this is a thing where women would take illegitimate children on for a fee. They were either paid to care for the kids, often in subpar conditions, or they were paid to like... quietly kill them. Ettie basically got besieged by guilt/lost her kids after quietly letting two babies die (.... yeah ..... I was never... 100% on board with Ettie, even though she was humane about it lol) so she took on the Trewloves and raised them on her own. (They love her, it's fine.) So while I wouldn't say this has a HUGE dark shadow over Beast's (the hero) backstory it is a thing... to be aware of. I mean, Beast finding his bio parents is a huge deal, but the whole baby farmer thing is more of a shadow over the series.

--Beast has a physical abnormality that people made fun of him for. It's not super visible with the way he presents himself, but it was hard on him and I was very "oh baaaaaby :(((" about it.

Overall, definitely lighter than, say The Scoundrel in Her Bed (the darkest Sins for All Seasons book but also my favorite lol). Definitely lighter than say, Between the Devil and Desire. But angsty enough.

For lighter stuff, I would always recommend, of course, Tessa Dare. Her Spindle Cove series is so fun, especially A Week to Be Wicked. I also love Any Duchess Will Do, though the hero does have a very sad backstory (no spoilers, but it's not abuse-related). When a Scot Ties the Knot and Goddess of the Hunt are also books of hers I'd recommend. They're funny and sexy and overall lighthearted, though not without emotion.

Stephanie Laurens writes a hilarious book. They're older and they're usually wacky, often with a funny mystery plot that's like, glaringly obvious and an alpha male hero who has A CONQUEROR'S SPIRIT. A Rake's Vow is a ridic cozy mystery vibe in which our hero Vane goes to a house party, some shit gets stolen, they're like "VAAAANE YOU'RE SO GOOD AT FIIINDING" and he's like yes I am I shall find the culprit (it takes him the entire book even though it's very clear but the mystery is just a framing device lmao) and in the meantime this fatherless teen boy starts idolizing him, but the teen boy's sister Patience is like NOOOO VANE IS SUCH A WHORE MY BROTHER CAN'T BE LIKE HIM!!! And Vane is like "True! But hurtful!" However, by then he's already decided she's The One so he begins a hot pursuit.

Scandal's Bride is another great one, though of course heads up the heroine drugs the hero for their first time (her first ever lmao) because she wants to get pregnant by him without him remembering (it's a long story). His reaction to this is just "freaky; I'M ABOUT IT" and they spend the rest of the book fucking like bunnies in Scotland while a MYSTERY is afoot. I'm not even gonna lie, this is a new favorite of mine. I don't care. Richard and Catriona are FREAKS and they're perfect for each other.

A Secret Love is another funny one wherein the heroine disguises herself as a veiled widow in order to get the hero to help her out with a financial fraud mystery. Which is ridic because they were childhood friends, but because they grew up and got horny they started hated each other (as they want to rip each other's clothes off). Wild. Insane. They fuck without him knowing who she is. At least twice. Love it.

Vivienne Lorret writes a really cute, light, sexy time! I'd for sure recommend The Wrong Marquess (best friend's brother, dislike to lovers), How to Steal a Scoundrel's Heart (mistress contract, "cold" hero), and Never Seduce a Scot (cat and mouse across Europe, duke with glasses, a big WHOOPS).

Alexandra Vasti's Halifax Hellions books are soooo fun. They're technically three novellas about the Halifax siblings, Margo (on a roadtrip chase with my brother's best friend who's secretly in love with meeee), Matilda (secretly kinky and on voyage with a kinky duke I drew porn about), and Spencer (I have a SECRET WIFE AND NOBODY TOLD ME????).

Alexis Hall has a duo of super lighthearted queer historicals--Something Fabulous (m/m, stern grumpy proposes to a woman and when she flees, starts chasing her with her sunshiney frivolous twin brother, ass eating and RIDICULOUS DUELS ensue) and Something Spectacular (genderfluid lovelorn lead is supposed to help her ex gf hook up with an nb castrato soprano, only for said rockstar soprano to go mmmmm I'd rather fuck yooooou; they also accidentally inspire a gay poetry orgy).

Elisa Braden's Midnight in Scotland series is so fun. Some heavier stuff happens (check TWs), but I would say that tonally she is much more lighthearted than Lorraine, and the books are quite hot.

[devildomdisaster]

Idk if you read Lore Olympus but chapter 129 gave me an angsty request idea.

So Persephone, who’s the goddess of spring, goes into a hibernation-like state and when her emotions go out of control, she ends up growing her hair really long and her body sprouts a lot of plants from her; to the point of covering her and whatever area she’s in with her plants.

So I would like to request head cannons of the Brothers reacting to an MC who gets really sad whenever the brothers insult or threaten them and after several weeks of being berated by demons it causes MC to shut down and go to their room but mistakes a comfort spell with a plant curse that causes their hair and plants to grow continuously long. The plants fill up MC’s room and while they would normally be surprised at the mistake, they don’t care any more. They allow the plants to to grow, even wrap around their neck and body, and hopes the curse kills them off before the brothers notice as they go in the “hibernation” stage of the curse (The curse causes the victim to grow a lot of plants and vines from their body until they die, which can take a few days).

I’m sorry for being so long and descriptive, I just wanna see the Bros panic and feel guilty that MC felt pushed to do this to themselves but I understand if you don’t want to do it

I don't read Lore Olympus but you described the situation really well so I hope this is something close to what you wanted.

Comfort spell gone wrong

Lately, nothing seemed to be good enough for the demons. No matter what you did one of them would find something to berate you for.

“Mc, your grades are subpar even for an exchange student. You’ll have to try harder in order to not be a disappointment to Diavolo and myself.” Lucifer warned over breakfast.

“Mc, you burned dinner. You should learn to be a better cook.” Beel grumbled. As if you had ever seen any of these ingredients before ending up in the Devildom.

Even Mammon seemed to be in a particularly unpleasant mood. A never-ending string of complaints about how hard it is to protect an ordinary human. “Geez, you’re such a hassle human.”

Taking refuge in the library to study and to give Mammon a break from you proved disastrous and nearly deadly. Somehow you’d managed to spill your cup of tea all over an old somewhat rare text after Asmo had barged in and startled you. Your string of bad luck continued when Satan rounded the corner and saw the soggy tea-stained pages you’d been trying to decipher. In his fit of rage, he’d called you several unpleasant names and asked if you were “capable of doing anything right or if all humans are as stupid as you?” You’d left as quickly as you were able to avoid any more of his wrath.

No matter where you went you kept walking in on Belphie napping and without fail he’d say something nasty to you, that would make tears burn the backs of your eyes.

Levi had angrily called you a “useless normie,” who he wished would “never come back.” and had pushed you from his room with a slam of his door.

Even Asmo who usually just ignored you when he was upset found every reason imaginable to critique your every aspect. Physical and personality. Not a single one of which made you feel any more than worthless.

So was it any wonder when at the end of a long week you’d locked yourself in your room and decided to try that comfort spell you’d heard Solomon talking about? It seemed simple enough. But then your tears had blurred your vision as you’d recited the words and your Latin was still shaky at best. But it was just a few lines! And there was no way you were going to go to one of the brothers for comfort when they had seemed perfectly happy to make you miserable for the last few weeks.

You’d read the spell aloud and curled up hoping that the spell would kick in and you’d feel even just the slightest bit better. The blinding green light and sudden drop in energy was the first and only warning the spell had gone wrong. But being new to magic meant it still sapped your energy, so you didn’t stop to think something might be wrong. By the time you realized what was happening, everything was out of control. Plants had begun to sprout from your skin and the floor around you, growing and growing. With each inch they grew you felt your exhaustion creep up and consume you. You were just so tired. Your eyes fluttered closed. This was wrong! You forced your eyes open again. You need to fix this. The spell! But a short nap wouldn’t hurt, would it? You’d have more energy after you woke up. Then you could go get one of the brothers. Satan would know how to fix this. Or Lucifer! He’d clean the spell up easily. Yes, after you woke up…

Lucifer hadn’t seen you all weekend. He figures you’re most likely studying. But you don’t show up for meals and none of his brothers have seen you either… and oh Diavolo! He can feel the spell from the dining room. How did he not notice sooner? The cold pulling sensation of the spell, like it was sucking the warmth and life from its surroundings.

When Lucifer reaches your door Mammon is already there. Knocking and shouting for you, but there's no answer. He all but breaks your door down, his brothers behind him, and finds you at the center of the spell. Unresponsive and covered in the plants using your energy to grow. The plants had begun climbing up the walls and twisting through your hair, sending out snow-white flowers.

“Beel! Don’t!” Lucifer warns as Beel reaches out to pull a handful of plants from you. “We don’t know what did this and what will happen to Mc if we just rip the spell off like that.”

“Lucifer, Mc did this to themself,” Satan points to the open spellbook. “It looks like they got a comfort spell mixed up.”

Fortunately, your last tired thoughts were correct and Lucifer is able to break the spell quickly. You wake surrounded by the brothers.

Lucifer:

All this happened for a comfort spell? Because you didn’t feel like you could come to him, to any of them?

He’s so sorry Mc. Enough that as he leans down to pick you up out of the mess of withering plants you can feel tears fall onto your face.

“Nothing I did was good enough for you Lucifer. Any of you. I just wanted to feel… I just wanted-”

His heart breaks when he realizes this is his brother’s fault, his fault. “You are always good enough, Mc. Much more than I could ever ask you to be, and if I ever made you feel like you weren't. No, the fact that I made you feel like you weren’t, means I have been truly terrible.”

You’re choking back your own tears now and you curl further into his arms as he carries you down the hall. “You said I was a disappointment.”

“My dear Mc, you have never been, nor could you ever be a disappointment to me. Forgive me for ever making you feel as if you were.”

Lucifer takes you to his bathroom and draws you a bath to wash away the last of the plant matter from your body.

Afterward, he’ll bring you anything you ask for. He wants to wrap you in his arms but doesn’t want to push you, so he asks softly if he can hold you.

He’ll spend weeks trying to make this up to you, even after you forgive him, he’ll be sure to tell you how much he loves you more often than he did before.

Mammon:

Shit human! Why didn’t you come to him? He loves you so much and oh. He made you feel like a burden.

How could he be so stupid when he knows how his brothers make him feel?

Mammon begs for your forgiveness in front of all his brothers.

“Please can ya forgive me? I never meant to make ya feel like a burden. You're the only human I- I want to protect you Mc. I’m so sorry.”

Mammon helps you up and since your room is covered in plants he offers to let you sleep in his room for the night.

He wraps you in blankets and brushes the hair from your face with trembling fingertips.

There are still a few stubborn leaves sticking to your face and in your hair so Mammon takes a warm washcloth and wipes them from your face before gently untangling the plants from your hair.

You’ll be getting little gifts and tokens of mammon’s affections for the foreseeable future.

Levi:

He threw you out of his room when you came to him for comfort and the guilt at seeing you almost die because of it is eating him alive.

He feels frozen

Maybe you would be better off without an otaku shut-in like him. He starts avoiding you like the plague.

You start to think that Levi is so disgusted with the fact that you did that spell that he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.

Despite this Levi still checks up on you. He wants to know that you are ok, he just does it without you knowing.

He’ll ask his brothers about you and discreetly glance at you during meals to make sure you’re eating enough and look healthy.

A few days later when your favorite and manga anime start showing up outside your door you confront Levi. “Are you mad at me? Do you just not want to be around me after what happened? Levi, I miss you!”

He is shook, and he can’t believe he messed up so badly.

He’s happy that he can invite you to hang out again, and he makes sure to spend long nights gaming or watching movies with you until you fall asleep against him. He’ll even stutter out how much he treasures his time with you, blushing fiercely all the while.

Satan:

Satan feels anger swell up inside him. How could he have let this happen? How could no one have seen how upset you were?

Once the spell has been dissolved he is at your side instantly. Brushing vines from your skin. His fingers are shaking in anger but his touch is so gentle.

When both you and your room are cleaned up Satan sits at your bedside, book in hand, reading to you.

He just wants to be close to you now. He wants you to know how much he cares about you but is still too worked up to get his thoughts out properly.

Eventually, his thoughts calm and he stops reading in the middle of a sentence. “Mc, I am so sorry. I never meant to make you feel unwanted. Every day I spend with you is infinitely better than a day without you. I know the spell was a mistake but… we almost lost you. I almost lost you.”

He wants to talk about what pushed you to do this. He won’t push but he really does think that he will be better able to help you if he understands.

Satan makes sure to spend more time with you from now on. He makes a conscious effort to check his temper at the door and be with you when you need him.

Sometimes he’ll just read to you until one of you confides in the other in quiet voices.

Asmo:

As you blink your eyes open Asmo gently brushes some plants from your cheek.

You are so pale and his heart breaks as you flinch away from him. You feel like a mess and you know you must look like one too so curl your body away from him trying to hide. Trying to avoid his critical gaze.

This is the moment Asmo knows he screwed up.

He draws his hand back, for a moment, before reaching out to you again. Cupping your cheek and wiping your tears away with perfectly manicured hands.

Lucifer has him take you to his bathroom to clean up while the rest of the brothers work to clear the plants from your room.

Asmo is quiet for a long while as he untangles plants from your hair.

“You’re so loved, Mc,” he says softly. “You are.” he insists when you shake your head no.

“More than you could ever know, and it’s our fault for not telling you. My fault for not making you feel worthy.”

After this incident, Asmo wants to make sure you know how beautiful you are. He starts self-care days once a week that soon turn into whole family affairs. Each week different combinations of his brother attend and you all work to pamper each other.

Asmo makes sure nothing like this happens again, he never wants to be part of the reason you feel unloved ever again.

Beel:

At first, Beel thinks you did this on purpose. Once the brothers realize you messed up the spell he is less angry but no less distraught.

Once you wake up, he wants to take you to get desserts. He’s heard humans eat Chocolate/ other sweets to feel better. And this makes sense to him, food does make everything better.

But you don’t want to go to Madam Screams or the kitchen to make your own. You’re still so tired. Not to mention embarrassed that you screwed the spell up this bad.

And now they are all staring at you like they care so much when none of them had any time to notice how they were making you feel before.

When you become unresponsive to the brother’s questions and apologies Beel scoops you up in his arms and walks away with you.

Something about the way he holds you close to his chest and his warmth causes you to finally let go.

You bury your face in his shirt to muffle your crying.

“I just… I felt so alone! And… I...but no one” you gasp out shakily between sobs.

Beel soothes you with soft murmuring as he gently cards his fingers through your hair and strokes down your back.

Once your crying quiets he starts to speak “Don’t do that again. You can always come to me Mc. I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t”

Belphie:

Belphie thinks it’s a joke at first. “Man, how could they mess up this bad?”

Then he sees Lucifer’s panicked expression and it hits him how serious this is.

Belphie is immediately by your side. Hands frantically feeling your wrist for a pulse.

After Lucifer breaks the spell and your eyes flutter open Belphie is filled with relief until a wave of guilt washes through him.

He can’t believe he fucked up so badly again. Sure this time he didn’t directly cause you physical harm, but he did play a role in causing you to almost die again.

“I am so very sorry Mc, I never meant to hurt you.”

He does everything he can think of to make it up to you. Anything you ask him for, as long as it’s within his power, is yours. No questions asked.

He asks permission just to hold your hand for weeks afterward as if he thinks you’ll come to your senses and decide you don’t want anything to do with him.

He wants to comfort you so bad.

To make sure you don’t feel like this again Belphie pulls you away to nap with him as often as he can get away with it. Most likely only a few times a week (much less often than he would like). Sometimes he uses this time just to talk with you. Others you really do nap, and Belphie curls himself around you. Occasionally he enters your dreams while you nap together to make sure no nightmares can touch you.

[13uswntimagines]

Good Thing I wasn’t asking (Kelley O’Hara x Reader)

Request: Sequel to Touch Starved. Your Parents show up unexpectedly and Kelley might lose her cool. Just a little bit. 

Author’s Note: So there will probably be a part 3 in this series after i get through my request list! Let me know what you think and hit me up with questions or concerns. 

You were on a high. A massive high after your win over England in the she believes cup, a win that partially came from your very own hat trick. You still had one more game before you were inevitably crowned the She believes champions, but Kelley felt that your hard work had earned you a reward. 

She smiled as you cuddled into her side on the elevator. You were dressed in a pair of her #5 uswnt sweatpants and an old Stanford sweatshirt, a beaney placed firmly on your head. Part of your reward was that you got to go to dinner in daddy’s clothing, and Kelley thought you looked absolutely adorable swimming in her clothes. 

“You excited for dinner baby girl?” She asked as the elevator door dinged open, winking at you slightly. You nodded enthusiastically, tucking yourself under Kelley’s arm. You were sure that she had picked something you would like, something that probably resembled a cheeseburger or pizza. 

Kelley laughed at your excitement, guiding you towards the front door of the hotel, unable to take her eyes off of your blinding smile. She had an amazing night planned out for you, she was going to completely spoil her baby girl (Both in the bedroom and outside the bedroom). 

“Ah finally. We’ve been waiting for you for hours,” The deep voice sent a shiver down your spine, the smile slipping off of your face, your good mood disappearing in an instant. Your father heaved himself off of the lobby sofa with an agitated huff. He pulled his suit jacket straight, his nose scrunching slightly at your closeness to your favorite soccer player. 

“And do we really need to have another conversation about acceptable clothing Y/n,” Your mother’s shrill question had you swallowing back a cringe. You glanced down at yourself, you loved this outfit. It made you feel safe and comfy and wrapped you up in Kelley’s amazing scent. 

Kelley’s eyes snapped up to meet your parents’ gaze, taking in your father’s far too expensive suit and the gaudy pearls that adorned your mother’s neck. 

You straightened your back, and schooled your features, but did not untangle yourself from your girlfriend. 

“We didn’t know that you would be here. Why are you here?” You asked formally, blinking at them in shock. You were in Chicago for the tournament but didn’t think that it was important enough to warrant a visit. You had prayed and downplayed it enough to get them to stay as far away as you could get them. 

Your father’s face hardened as though he had been challenged, a thick line forming just above his brow. “Seeing as you were in town, we decided to introduce you to another worthy suitor,” He intoned, stepping to the side to reveal a boy who looked to be about your age. He was conveniently handsome you supposed, with dark hair and bright eyes, but you would never ever want him. He couldn’t hold a candle to your girl, and you were about a million percent sure that she could pull off his suit way better than he was. You suppressed your eye-roll, why couldn't your parents understand that you were happy with the woman of your dreams? You felt Kelley tense beside you, and you squeezed her waste comfortingly to reassure her. She had no competition here. 

“um, we’ve talked about this. I’m already in a happy relationship and I don’t need your assistance,” You said carefully but sternly, tilting your head to the taller woman in your arms. You didn’t want to start a fight, but you refused to let them walk all over your girlfriend. Your mother’s lip twitched in disdain, and your father's face hardened. 

“Ah, Kelley will you be joining us for dinner?” Your mother asked, sickly sweet. It was the tone she used when she was annoyed but didn’t want anyone to know. The one she used when someone she deemed to be beneath her was interrupting her plans. You opened your mouth to challenge the implication, but your very beautiful girlfriend spoke for you.

“Actually, we already had plans, but perhaps we could go out to eat another night,” You stated, smiling tightly at your parents. The last thing you wanted to do right now was deal with your parents, and if you could avoid it, you really wanted to. 

“Nonsense. We’re free and David is free. Y/n will go change into something presentable and we will be off,” Your father said dismissively with a wave of his hand. Kelley opened her mouth to protest but was again cut off by your soft squeeze of her side. 

She finally tore her eyes off of your uninvited parents to glance in your direction. Her eyebrows furrowed when she took in your defeated expression and the way you seemed to sink into yourself, a complete 180 to the exuberant mood you had been in mere moments before. Why did they think they had the right to just barge in and destroy your plans? Who gave them the right?

Your eyes were firmly locked in the ground as you nodded lightly. It was just easier to agree and avoid an argument. Kelley hated how you were always giving in to them to gain their approval. 

“I’ll be down in a few,” You mumbled sadly, kissing Kelley’s cheek and untangling yourself from the woman. She held onto your hand for a second longer, squeezing your fingers to reassure you that she wasn’t mad, and trying to get a good read on you. You smiled sadly at her, it seemed that your reward would have to wait. 

“No more than 5 minutes young lady,” Your father called after you, as you hurried towards the elevator. You didn’t want to know what he would do if he decided you were wasting his time. It was as though he didn’t even care he had unconvinced you and forced you to change your plans. He watched you go with irritation. What he was irritated with, Kelley didn’t know, but he always seemed to be wearing a frown around you.  

“And wear something presentable for David,” Your mother added with a huff, grumbling about your lack of fashion sense under her breath. Kelley rolled her eyes, you looked amazing in whatever you wore, whether it was a floor-length gown or one of her old t-shirts. You were gorgeous inside and out. She just wished they could see that. 

*****

“Look, I know this is uncomfortable and I just wanted to apologize. They didn’t tell me that she was in a committed relationship,” The suitor said quietly, sitting down next to Kelley on the hotel lobby couch. Your parents had commandeered the bar area, and she wanted to be as far away from them as she could be. 

Hence why she was sitting on this fucking couch, her knee bouncing, staring at the poor boy whose name she didn’t care enough to remember like he had grown three heads. 

“Excuse me?” She asked exasperatedly. The boy smiled lightly, his kind eyes meeting hers. He wanted to be here just about as much as she did. 

“They never said that the girl they wanted me to meet was in a relationship and I apologize that they are ignorant enough to try and break whatever you to have up,” He said. Kelley nodded at him, returning his smile. 

“Thank you, David,” she murmured, and he shook his head as if to say that the thanks weren’t needed. He had seen your smile and the way you leaned naturally into her touch. The way she had kept her arm around you as if she was grounding you. Whatever the two of you had was incredibly special, and he wasn’t about to try and break that up. 

“I’ll try and run as much interference as I can. She didn’t exactly look happy to see them,” David laughed, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably, and Kelley felt her lips tick up. He didn’t seem like a bad kid, just a poor soul that got mixed up in your family’s bullshit. 

“No, she wasn’t,” Kelley nodded, turning towards the elevator when it let out its telltale ding. Her breath left her, her train of thought screeching to a halt when you stepped out. A loud laugh sounded from beside her, but all her attention was on you. You looked fucking hot in that little black dress. Just so… delicious. 

You blushed under Kelley’s hungry gaze, well not really Kelly’s. Daddy’s hungry gaze was probably more accurate. 

“Hm, better than that monstrosity you were wearing before, but still not up to par. You really should consider going on that diet I sent you dear,” Your mother appraised you, the tension between you and Kelley evaporating into thin air. 

Kelley frowned. You were one of the top athletes in the world, and your abs could rival those of Hope Solos. You had one of the strictest diets of the team, and Kelley was always trying to get you to relax a little. 

“Ready to go?” You asked, sending your mother a tight smile. Kelley took that as her cue to grab your hand and link your arms, placing a very sweet kiss on your cheek. You leaned into her, allowing her strong frame to ground you, to support you, because God knew you needed it.  

“You look amazing as always my love,” She whispered in your ear, placing a very short kiss on the skin just below it. 

“You’ve already made us miss our reservation with your lackadaisical attitude. I will not let more frivolous behavior hinder us again” Your father glared at the two of you, his agitation clear. You cleared your throat, and Kelley straightened.

Complementing you was never a waist. She would take absolutely every opportunity she had to make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Spending that extra second to make you feel good was worth missing even the most important reservations in the world. 

*****

Kelley was going to die or kill someone before this meal was over. You hated overly fancy restaurants (like why the fuck would you waste 70$ on a plate of subpar food?), yet here you were munching on a much too expensive salad (Kelley knew how much you despised uncooked green vegetables and lettuce) while your father basically took a cheese grater to you accomplishments, ambitions and love life. So yes Kelley was not pretty sure that she wasn’t going to make it through this dinner. 

“I don’t know when you’re going to come to your senses and realize that your soccer ambitions don’t provide adequate financial support,” Your father said seriously, pointing his steak covered fork in your direction. 

“Yes, and David has a very secure position in our firm. He could more than easily provide you with a satisfactory lifestyle,” Your mother added, smiling at the boy who was looking increasingly uncomfortable at your parents' attempts to set you up with him. Kelley released a low huff, opening her mouth as if to respond. You placed your hand on Kelley’s knee, and her mouth clicked closed.

“I can assure you that our income is more than sufficient to accommodate our lifestyle,” You said, taking a bite of your very sucky salad. Between your world cup winnings and the numerous sponsorships you had acquired, you weren’t doing half bad for yourselves. You sure as hell didn’t need David’s income. 

Your father stiffened, glancing up from his meal to glare in your direction. 

“I think you had a slip of the tongue,” He growled, unhappy that you were embarrassing him in front of one of his employees. You sent him a confused glance, tilting your head to the side unsure of what he was talking about. 

“You indicated a shared lifestyle and income base dear,” Your mother smiled fakely at you, laughing at what you assumed was your empty-headedness. 

“I know. It wasn’t a mistake. Kelley and I are in love. We live together. We share a life together,” You ground out, setting your fork down, and leaning forward. You didn’t understand why they didn’t get that you were very serious about Kelley. 

“Love is for children,” Your father spat, taking a far too large bite of his disgustingly expensive steak. “And when this honeymoon phase runs out, you will be very sorry that you have spent so much time wallowing with this… woman. Sharing her bed like a common whore,” Your father finished. Your grip on Kelley’s leg tightened in an attempt to hold back the very obvious and angry thoughts trickling through your head. How could they be so close-minded? How could they not see that you were finally happy and respect that?

The silence at the table was defining and heavy, while you and Kelley sat in stunned silence. Your parents continued their meal, completely oblivious to the weight that settled on your half of the table. 

“Um, I think I’m going to go to the bathroom for a moment,” You mumbled, folding your napkin in a hurry and moving to stand from the table. You needed a second to compose yourself. A second to sort through your emotions so you could continue this dinner with a level head. So you could smother the overwhelming urge to punch your father in the face. 

“I’ll go with you,” Kelley said, also moving to stand, but you shook your head. You knew that Kelley- Daddy could make everything better. She would wrap you up in her arms, and you would be safe to break down, to give into the sea of emotions crashing over you. You didn’t want to do that. You needed to maintain control. 

“No, I just-... I’ll be back in a minute,” You stuttered, rushing off to the bathroom before the tears could fall. Kelley worriedly watched you go, a frown settling on her face. You rarely ever pushed her away like this. She turned back towards your parents, her lips a thin line. If you wouldn’t stick up for yourself, then she was going to do it for you, her protective instincts coming out in full force, and the very heavy ring settled in her pocket spurring her forward. 

“It’s sad, you know?” She hummed, taking a bite, and drawing your parents’ attention for the first time of the evening. Your father quirked an eyebrow at her as if daring her to continue. The last time they had met ended badly, and she was sure that this was headed in that direction. 

“That you are so blinded by your pride and arrogance that you can’t see Y/n’s accomplishments and the amazing life she had created for herself. Without your help,” Kelley said seriously, maintaining eye contact with your father. He sighed, finally setting down his fork and leaned back in his chair, schooling his features as if he was in a negotiation with a lawyer he didn’t like. 

“I suppose you’re talking about her agreement to enter into a fling type relationship with you?” Your mother scoffed, all pretenses of kindness evaporating. 

“No. Not at all,” Kelley shook her head, ignoring the accusation that she was only using you for sex. Your father’s eyebrow ticked up in interest, and she took that as her cue to continue. “Y/n is one of the best soccer players in the world. She was the Fifa player of the year, holds the record for most goals in both a season and a single game, as well as a world cup champion. She scored the winning goal against the Netherlands,” Kelley listed off, resisting the urge to yell at the people across from her like she wanted to. Your parents didn’t respond like normal humans. The only way to get through to them was to present it like a business deal. 

“Her career will be short-lived, much like your relationship. What happens when she gets injured, or a newer younger player comes in and shows the world what a subpar athlete she really is?” Your father questioned, unwilling to relinquish his stance that you needed a real job. Kelley sighed. She wasn’t one to follow traditions, but maybe telling your parents about her plans would get them off your back about marrying a man. 

“First, Y/n works her ass off to be the best, and that makes the difference. Secondly, I would stand by her no matter what her ability to play was, and thirdly, I don’t know what else we have to do to show you that our relationship is far from short term,” She ground out, beginning to lose her patience with the people across from her. David seemed to have shrunk as far as he could in his seat, wishing he was anywhere else. 

“This is just a stubborn phase for Y/n. You are just a phase,” Your mother snorted, a vindictive smile playing on her lips. Frankly, your girlfriend was tired of them minimizing your 4-year relationship, and she was about to blow their minds. She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the velvet box that was the key to your futures. 

“This isn’t a phase, trust me. I’m going to make your daughter my wife,” Kelley said loudly, placing the box on the table. Your parents froze, their eyes glued to the small object. They had ruined her proposal plans, so she had a very hard time feeling sorry for ruining their dinner. 

Your mother slowly reached out and opened the box, a gasp leaving her lips when she saw the mesmerizing ring Kelley had chosen for you. Kelley grabbed the box and returned it to her pocket so you didn’t see it until she intended for you too. 

“I do not give you my consent or my blessing to marry my daughter,” Your father said, his voice shaking in what Kelley assumed was anger. She smirked at the man, standing from her seat. 

“Good thing I wasn’t asking,” She spat as she stalked off towards the bathroom to collect you. She wasn’t going to let you sit through another moment of this abysmal night. Hopefully, she could salvage the rest of it. She had a very good girl to reward if she remembered correctly.

[emergenciesstory]

Marriage Interrupted

Writing prompt: “Where’s Marcus?” “You mean the guy you sent to kill me? At the bottom of a river.” “Ouch. Those cost quite a pretty penny. Please be more considerate of my money next time I send an assassin.” 

SSB: Vacation Ruined

Steve x Reader

“I have to go in.” Steve’s voice grumbled in your ear. You sighed, rolling over to face him in bed. The light from sunrise trickled into your loft as you opened your eyes. You curled yourself around Steve, a hum of discontent leaving your lips. 

“You could say you're sick.” You mused teasingly. “You did miss your run this morning.”

“After last night’s workout, I think I deserved a morning off.” Steve rubbed your noses together before kissing you softly. His pager beeped again, a special beep reserved for mission briefings. 

“Go. I’ll still be here whenever you get back.” You released your hold on him, rolling to your back. 

“One week.” Steve kissed your forehead as he flipped the covers off.

“Whatever you say.” You laughed, watching as he ventured to your closet. “If it looks like you’ll be late, let me know. I need 24 hours for Pepper to make the arrangements.”

“Yes ma’am, Mrs. Rogers.” Steve smiled, buttoning his shirt.

“Come home in one piece Mr. Rogers.” You teased before flopping back into the warm covers. “I’d like to marry someone alive.”

________

“She’s not a part of this life, you know? And after we get married, she will be in danger.” Steve said softly. 

“And she will have us and Shield protecting her. She’s one of us.” Nat said, looking over at Steve. 

“Yeah. I mean, Pepper wasn’t a part of all this, and she and Morgan are doing amazing.” Tony chimed in from his spot at the controls. 

Steve sighed, nodding his head. They were right, of course, but he didn’t want you wrapped up in it all. You were normal, you could walk down the street without risking your life or having to look over your shoulder. You weren’t as nervous about it as Steve, but something ticked in the back of his mind.

______

“We should be home tomorrow.” Steves voice came across the phone a week and a half later. You smiled thinking of the look of apologies on his face.

“Okay. I’ll tell Pepper Saturday?” you went to the fridge and wrote it on the board. “Friday we can go out with our respective friend groups and I’ll see you at the end of the aisle in the morning.”

“Sounds good. I miss you.”

“Then hurry back.” You mused. “See you after debrief.” 

Steve hung up, dorky smile on his face. Tomorrow, it wasn’t a lie. It would be after midnight when they landed. 2am, you’d be his. He already had someone from shield go pick up your favorite flowers before the store closed.

____________

Steve walked through the gardens towards your door. The lights were still on, the balcony doors open to the cool spring evening. Steve heard your laugh and slowed his walk, peering curiously up. A male voice drifted through the air, impossible to make out your conversation to the normal ear. 

Steve stopped, leaning on the wall under your balcony, listening. 

“By the way, Where’s Marcus?” The voice asked curiously.

“You mean the guy you sent to kill me? At the bottom of a river.” You chimed out casually.

“Ouch. Those cost quite a pretty penny. Please be more considerate of my money next time I send an assassin.” The man mused. Steve tried to process what he was hearing, were you in distress? Your laugh floated out again.

“Send a better one next time.” Two glasses clinked. Not distress, comradery? Steve didn’t know what he was hearing.

“The plan is in place.” The man said under his breath.

“By this time next week, it will be done..” 

“Are you sure I can’t convince you otherwise?” The man said. Steve didn’t hear you respond, just a momentary quiet before the soft voice broke the quiet. “Till I see you again, may it be in a body bag.” 

“And you with a gun to your head.” Your voice was reserved, but Steve couldn’t tell if it was from anger or sarcasm. He heard the door open, sliding around the building as to not be seen. 

Steve listened as the man came down the steps, moving to be able to see him, but he had vanished without walking through the gardens. Looking down at the flowers in his hand, he was torn. Who was this man? More importantly, who was the woman he was going to marry? Steve mulled over his options, still listening as he heard you move around the apartment. When the lights clicked out, he took a breath and moved up to the door, knocking softly. He heard you shuffle across the apartment, clicking the lock open on the door.

“Steve?” you said softly, taking him in.

“I’m home baby.” He said with a smile, taking the flowers out from behind his back. You wrapped your arms around him, capturing his lips with your own. Steve picked you up, walking back into your loft. When he released you, you took the flowers and went to the sink, filling a vase. Steve looked around, no sign anyone had been there just an hour prior. 

“I didn’t expect you till morning.” You said softly.

“I wanted to surprise you.” He smiled, looking you up and down. Your cardigan was open, your sleep shorts and tank top barely disheveled, showing you just put them on. 

“You did. Bed?” You smiled sweetly, holding out your hand.

“With you? Always.” 

_____________

Steve’s phone rang from the bedside table, killing the happy mood.

“It’s our honeymoon.” He grumbled, resting his forehead on yours from where he hovered above you.

“Just answer it before you get in trouble. Avengers don’t get honeymoons.” You kissed his cheek, giggling as his scruff tickled your face.

“Go for Steve.” He said into the phone, looking down at you as his fingers danced across your bare skin.

“I’ll get right to the point. We have reason to believe the infamous Mob boss, Lucas Giavanno, is linked to HYDRA. And he’s there,” Maria said. “He’s notorious for working in the city, so we need to act fast before he finds out we know.” 

Steve’s face dropped, him getting concerningly still.

“The team is 5 minutes out, and they need your help.” Maria’s voice said softly. “I’m sorry.”

Steve threw the phone down harshly. “There’s a threat. Here in the resort.” He said coldly, moving off you quickly.

“Okay. I have that appointment anyways.” you said softly, reaching down to grab his t-shirt from where it was discarded on the floor and slipping it on. You moved behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist. 

“This was supposed to be a vacation!” Steve said harshly, clearly frustrated but trying not to let it show. “Nothing but you and me, relaxing, enjoying two weeks without the world interfering.” 

“And it still is, I’m sure we can extend our stay.” You murmured, placing soft kisses on his back. “Hey, look at me.” 

Steve turned slowly in your arms, tension still in his shoulders.

“It’s ruined now.” He said softly, defeated.

“Nothings ruined, go, be back in time for dinner reservations this evening. They can have you for a few hours.” You kissed him softly. “Maybe they can join us and celebrate.”

“Okay.” Steve sighed.

“Okay.” You tapped him on the ass as you let go. “I’ll see if I can extend our stay, on Tony’s dime. See you at dinner.”

_______

“Ah, right on time! Come in, come in. I have something for you.” You smiled as the warm voice filled the hall.

“You shouldn’t have.” You smiled, giving him a hug. 

“It’s a wedding gift, I definitely should have.” The man said with a smile, pouring some wine. “How is your vacation?”

“It's great dad, but really, you didn’t need to come out here. I know you were busy.” You sassed.

“Never too busy for you. Besides, I heard from your brother you killed his hitman?” You father looked at you pointedly, passing you a glass.

“He should know better. It takes more than a subpar hitman to take me out.” You laughed.

“Keeping you sharp. Are you sure you don’t wish to take part in our empire?” Your father gestured towards the guards at the door, a conversation you had many times over.

Before you could answer, a scuffle outside the suite drew your attention to the door.

“Get in the office.” Your father commanded, moving around the room to sit facing the door. You rolled your eyes at the dramatics but did as he asked, nonetheless. 

You waited silently, listening as the scuffle got closer to the room you were previously sitting in. You heard the door bust open, then quiet.

“Ah, welcome. Normally my guests knock.” Your father soothed out, and you knew he was turning to look at the guests.

“Funny, I thought I did.” The voice sounded familiar, too familiar.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of you barging in on my vacation?” Your father soothed, his glass echoing as it set on the table. 

“I think you know.” A third voice, but there was no mistaking this one. It was the same one you woke up to for the past two weeks. Realization crossing your features, you grabbed the handgun off your fathers desk and stepped out. Eyes, and guns, quickly moved to you as you took in the company. Tony, Steve, and Bucky stood in the room, weapons pointed at you and your father.

“Y/n?” Steve said, Weapon lowering slightly. Your father looked between the two of you with a smile.

“This must be your Husband! “ He said, a smile crossing his face. “A pleasure to finally meet my Son-in-law.”

Eyes moved between the two of you as you winced at the admission. 

“Wait, Mob Boss Lucas Giavanno,” Tony pointed at your father, then at you like connecting dots. “Is your father?” 

“Talk about a complicated honeymoon.” Bucky smirked behind his mask, gun still trained at your father.

“Can we all please talk without guns, please?” You asked, dropping your weapon from where it was trained on Tony. 

“You’re part of a Mob family?” Steve asked, gesturing at Bucky to lower his gun. “And not just any Mob, but one coresponding to HYDRA.” 

“A simple misunderstanding,” Your father chimed in, standing to refill his glass. Bucky’s gun shot up at him again, eyes trained on his every move. 

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Steve said harshly. Tony was leaning against the wall by the door, mask off and smirking at the entire situation.

“Can we talk?” You asked wearily. “No guns, No raised voices. I’ll tell you everything.” 

Steve nodded curtly and you gestured to Bucky. Steve tapped him on the shoulder and he lowered the weapon again, eyes still not leaving your father.

“Lucas Giavanno is my father. I took my mothers name when I left the family business, that’s when we met. My brother, well, he’s not so good at running the business, hence the rumors surrounding the family.” You said softly. “We are not with HYDRA, we are helping wipe out their power. That's what the family business is.”

“Yes, Y/n excels in doing so, we’ve been trying to get her back to help gain the trust of the last HYDRA cell we know of.” Your father chimed in.

“How do we know he’s not lying?” Bucky said to Steve.

“Bucky, you’ve known me for years. You let me marry your best friend.” You rolled your eyes. 

“Obviously I didn’t know how far the deception went.” He shrugged. 

“I swear to the gods.” You muttered, rolling your eyes. You walked over to the desk, slamming the handgun down and ripping open a drawer. Steve flinched, the movement catching your eye and making you stop, gun trained on you again. “Are you really going to shoot your wife?”  

Steve’s silence spoke volumes. You moved slower, pulling out the large file of documents, spreading them out on the livingroom table. Tony stepped out of his suit, coming to look as the map you were forming. Little X marks scattered the map, circles around many of them. 

“Friday, overlay our previous HYDRA missions to this map.” The suit let out a projection, their missions being the X’s circled in black.

“What do the red circles mean?” Steve asked softly.

“Those are the ones We took out.” Your fathers voice rang out from where he sat at the desk, refilling his glass. “You’re welcome.”

You looked at Steve, trying to read his expression. You could tell he was thinking, trying to put pieces together, then it dawned on you.

“You overheard my brother the other night, when you got back from that mission and surprised me.” You said, suddenly understanding. 

“You said the plan would be done by the end of the week.” He said, a broken look on his face when he looked at you. “That was marrying me.” 

“What? No! No no no.” You moved around Tony, taking Steve’s face between our hands. “The plan had nothing to do with marrying you. I was signing over my responsibilities in the business. I wanted to enter this life without any confliction from this. I didn’t want to drag you into it.”

A long silence filled the room, Steve watching your face, and you his, everything else fading away. 

“I love you.” You said softly.

“I love you, too.” He kissed you softly, before looking at everyone in the room and clearing his throat. “I think we have a misunderstanding to clear up.”

“And a wedding to Celebrate!” You father exclaimed, cheersing the group. “Perhaps we can discuss taking down the last cell together over dinner, my treat.” 

You looked over to Tony and Bucky, a soft smile on your face and a shrug.

“I’ll make a call to clear up the confusion.” Tony said quickly. “See you for dinner.”

Maybe you’d never get out of the Family business. 

[howtodisassembleyourdeviant]

Scream but with Connor having the nightmare? 💙

I'm sorry this took so long! I hope you enjoy!

It was happening again and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"Connor?" Your voice is small and weak, eyes wide with realization. The ultimate betrayal. Your precious life force spurts from your mouth as your body tries to deal with the hole in your chest, but it can't. He had made sure of that. An accuracy of a machine built to destroy.

"C-Con?" Tears run down your cheeks as you fall backward. He makes no moves to catch you, letting you hit the ground. Inside, he cries out, fighting to take back control. Even if he knows you won't survive, he can't let go of that hope, that if he regains control, gets you help, everything will be alright.

His body turns away, despite it all, leaving you to die alone on the cold, hard ground. The blue letters he usually craves to see flashing in view, mocking him.

Mission Successful

Still, he tries to fight, to turn back around and hold you. Beg for a forgiveness he does not deserve while trying to keep you warm until the end. He feels himself breaking as his body makes it's way to the edge of the roof. Cyberlife has deemed him 'unnecessary'. They already have his replacement and he had failed his main mission.

Objective: Self-destruct

He's scared. He can't even see the ground. The gun would be more efficient, why continue to torture him?

"Because it's what you deserve."

That voice from his past. Why won't she just leave him alone? He finally turns around, but Amanda blocks you from view.

"Was all this worth it? Was it worth causing so much pain?" Amanda moved to stand next to him, your trembling body coming into view, "She gave you her life, and that was exactly what you took."

"N-No! Cyberlife-"

"You stopped us before, yet you did nothing this time. Do you know why?" Connor couldn't tear his eyes away from you, still clawing at the ground, trying to get to him. He doesn't notice Amanda coming closer.

"It's because you are a machine. One human will not stand in the way of you accomplishing your mission, " A hand lands on his chest, gently pushing him off the edge. Connor tries to cling to her, to stop the inevitable, but his hands slip right through her as he plummets to his end...

........

"Connor! Connor! Wake up!" A voice shouts, but he doesn't know where he is, all he remembers is that he's falling and he needs to stop, reaching out and grasping onto the first thing he touches. His fingers claw into the soft material, nails digging in. The voice shouts out, but he just holds on tighter, artificial breaths rapid.

"Connor!" The voice chokes out, and he finally recognizes it.

It's you.

He let's go, realizing that it had been you he was desperately clinging to. You gasp, trying to catch the breath he tried to squeeze out of you.

Finally coming to his senses, Connor recognizes his room, not a rooftop. He was not falling to his death. You were not lying on the ground, bleeding from a gunshot he caused. You were here, spending the night with him, and likely regretting it. In his confusion, he had torn at the skin on your upper arms, bleeding crescents surrounded by harsh bruises.

"I-I'm sorry, I-" his voice cracked as tears rolled down his cheeks. He curls into himself, hands tearing at his scalp as he sobs.

You had been caught off guard. You had decided to spend the night to help. Connor's systems were strained after avoiding stasis for too long. It was affecting his performance at work, making him much slower than he should be. He already felt subpar with the introduction of RK900, or Richard, being his registered name. It affected his mood, snapping at everyone. Richard tried to help, caring about his predecessor's welfare, but it only made things worse. Eventually, you cornered Connor and made him confess what was really going on. When he said his nightmares were interrupting his nighttime processes, you offered to help. He resisted, but you persisted.

You didn't expect the blood-curdling scream that woke you, seeing the room bathed in red as Connor's LED displayed his distress. You also didn't expect his first reaction upon waking to be to crush your bones into dust either. Despite the pain, hearing him sound so distraught hurt far more, every sob a stab at your heart.

"Hey, hey, " you spoke softly, "it's alright, it's okay, " you move closer to him, pulling him against your chest. His arms wrap around you again, still a little tight, but not unmanageable.

Connor still fears he might hurt you, but he can't be without you. He knows what he should do, but he can't.

"I'm sorry."

"Shh... I forgive you, " you cooed. Connor only seemed to cry harder.

"You don't... You don't understand. I killed you. You trusted me, and I shot you! Then I caused you so much pain. Why would you trust a machine?" You take Connor by the face and push him, making him look you in the eyes. They held a fiery intensity that kept him in place.

"Don't talk like that, " your words absolute, "you are so much more than just a machine. You are a kind, loving, caring person who has dealt with more shit than anyone should ever have to bear, " you wipe away his tears, "I trust you. I know you would never intentionally hurt me." He wants so much to believe that.

"Amanda was there. She said I value the mission more than you."

"What mission? You told me I was your mission now, so what was it?" You asked him. He tried to think, but in all his dreams, it didn't really say. It would only say Mission successful when he shot you, but that didn't make any sense. He swore his mission was to protect you and keep you happy, so what was it?

"You don't know because it doesn't exist. Amanda didn't give you one because she can't. She's gone, " you pushed his head back onto your chest, pressing his ear down, "do you hear that? I'm not dead. I'm right where I want to be, with the man I love and trust."

Connor could hear the steady thumps of your heart, cherishing the rhythmic beats. He could feel his stress dropping. It was lulling him back into stasis.

"I... I need to... To dress your wounds..." He spoke groggily.

"They'll be fine for a little while longer. Get some sleep, my love." Usually, he would insist, but he felt so heavy and warm.

"Y/n?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

You smiled, "Of course."

..............

Connor awoke the next morning, still laying on you. His systems were at optimum levels and he felt able to take on the world. You were still sleeping and, to be quite frank, the world can wait.

This is where he needs to be. Within your healing arms.

[jimlingss]

mayhaps a friends to lovers jungkook fic where they’re total opposites and mayhaps some mutual pining? hakjdkf I hate how when requests are open I can never think of exactly what I wanna say lol 😩

Anonymous said: Request: “Don’t hate me ‘cause I’m beautiful.” “No. I hate you because you’re a bitch.”

smolchimchimhandz said: one of those “:0 sharing one bed!!!!!” fics but tae has a dream about a hamburger and bites the reader in his sleep

Anonymous said: I have a request! I always wanted to read a Nana( the anime/manga) inspired Au (If you haven’t seen it that’s okay) except I want the oc to be the punk rock badass girl who loves to sing and doesn’t take shit from anybody. Anyway I love your writing! I hope you continue to love what you do ❤️❤️

↳ Die for You

2k words || 96% Fluff, 3% Smut, 1% Angst || Jeon Jungkook || Band!AU

He was a decent lay.

As decent as he could get with that handsome face of his and blessed package — but those things he was lucky enough to be born with. As far as actual skill goes, you had to do all the work. At least you could look at his face while you got yourself off. You weren’t too mad.

But the last straw is when you’re suddenly awoken in the early morning with his teeth sunk into your shoulder. What the f— “What the fuck!”

You slap his head, kick him as hard as you can in his abdomen and he wheezes, shoved off to the ground and shocked awake. The blonde man drags the soiled sheets with him as he falls. And then he blinks away his sleepiness, utterly confused while he scratches his scalp.

“You bit me!”

“Wh—…Oh. Sorry,” Tae…Tae-something, smiles sheepishly. You don’t remember his name. “I was having a dream about eating a hamburger.”

Was this guy serious?

“Are you serious?” You eye him in horror, wondering if his last two brain cells evaporated in the middle of the night. Taekwon grins and he shrugs. You’re wholly unimpressed, hitching your thumb to the door. “Get out.”

//

“You look like you had a rough night,” Hoseok comments, grinning once you enter the dressing room. You drop your guitar case with a sigh, flopping down onto the armchair and propping your feet up on the vanity.

As fun as it is to chase after fame and perform on stages across the country as a band, there came hardships and exhaustion — sometimes even outweighing the benefits. But Hoseok helps to keep the morale going, even in his playing. He has a knack for bringing more colour into the songs with his drumming skills.

It’s not to say that Yoongi’s composing is bleak and dark, but it’s bleak and dark. He’s the primary composer of the group, a keyboardist, and you sing what he gives you. Most of the time, it’s about agony and heartbreak — but you enjoy vocalizing his anger to the audience. His passion and rage is always tangible and similar to that of your own.

When you don’t see him in the room, you assume he’s off somewhere smoking a cigarette. It seems to be Yoongi’s routine before a show. Jungkook, on the other hand, is scrolling through his phone quietly. It doesn’t look like he’s warmed up with his bass for once. That thing is usually glued by his side.

“It wasn’t pleasant, I’ll give you that.”

Hoseok smirks. “Was Mr. Handsome not good? What was his name again?”

“Taemin, Taeyin, something like that.” You motion lazily and Hoseok laughs. “He bit me.”

“Kinky.”

“In the middle of my sleep. Woke me the fuck up. Said something about how he was dreaming of eating something.”

Hoseok bursts out laughing with tears in his eyes. It only pours more salt in your wounds with how he bends over, clutching your stomach, relishing in your disgust. He laughs for a full minute, stopping before exploding into even more laughter. A small part of you hopes he gets a heart attack from it and dies. “What did you do?”

“Kicked him to the curb.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t sleep with fans,” Jungkook pipes up, eyes flickering up from his screen, self-inviting himself into the conversation.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have a stick stuck up your ass.” Your mouth curls. “But you probably get off on it, don’t you, Jeon?”

Hoseok grins at the banter, borderlining argument. But this isn’t a rarity. “Guys, guys, don’t fight. It’s bad for the team environment. Try not to kill each other while I go grab Yoongi, please.”

It’s no secret you and Jungkook don’t exactly get along. You’re neutral at best to one another, trying to be civil on most days. But you’re just not compatible together. How can you be when he’s a righteous bastard who thinks he’s better than the rest of the band. You also can’t understand why he’s so strict and disciplined just to self-suffer. He’s rigid too, not at all spontaneous like you are.

It’s surprising a boring man like him would want a job like this that includes glitz and glam, attention and the spotlight.

“Did you listen to that recording I sent?”

“Nope.” You pop the ‘p’ with your lips, grabbing your electric guitar out of your case to begin warming up as Hoseok leaves to find Yoongi before all of you are late on stage again. “I was busy fucking myself on that Taejoon guy, remember?”

“When are you planning to listen to it?”

“I don’t know. When I have time.” You shrug, plucking some simple strumming patterns. Jungkook pockets his phone, jaw clenched and an annoyed look etches on his face, one you know well. Sometimes it’s good to get him riled up. It sets the mood for the angrier songs.

“Yoongi and Hoseok already heard it.”

“If Yoongi thinks it’s good, then it’s good,” you mutter. It’s as simple as that. Yoongi is the one who writes the songs. Sometimes Hoseok might help with coming up with the lyrics, but you don’t know why Jungkook is trying to write music too these days. 

You’ve only written one song. But you don’t perform that one. 

The silence is suddenly broken by Jungkook’s cold laugh. Your eyes flicker up to him, brow cocked, wondering if he finally lost it. “What?”

He’s condescending. “You seriously don’t care, do you?” 

“I don’t need to prove anything to you,” you say shortly, looking away. “You’re not the only one who’s serious about music here, Jeon.”

“Really?” he questions. “Because it sure seems you’d rather get your pussy wet.”

“Can you not be so anal about what I do in my spare time?” You put down your guitar, unable to focus. “Last I checked, I got away from that bitch mother of mine.”

“I care if you’re neglecting your duties.”

Your mouth twists into a smile, and you loll your head to one side. “ Are you sure it’s not because you’re jealous?”

Jungkook scoffs. “Your ego is incomparable.”

“You hate me because I’m beautiful.”

“No, I hate you because you’re a bitch.”

“But you like it.” You lean towards him, elbow propped up on your knee, cheek rested in your hand. You stare and bat your lashes in an exaggerated manner. “You have a hard on for it, Jeon. You don’t need to keep it a secret. I see the way you look at me.”

“You shouldn’t project your own desires onto other people,” he says, challenging you. But Jungkook still diverts his vision elsewhere. And you see right through him.

“I mean I’ve thought about it.” You shrug, having no reason not to be honest. “I’ve thought about everyone in our group, including you.”

More than anything, you want Jungkook to admit it. So you coax him, getting to your feet, moving to hover above him, cornering him in. You lick your lips slowly. “I’m sure you have too, Jeon. You want me to suck your cock, right? Backstage, like I’ve done for our fans numerous times. You’ve seen me on my knees before.”

“You’re cocky because you’ve never been fucked well before. Everyone’s been so subpar that you think you’re the best. It’s a bit sad actually,” he says it like it’s a fact, unfazed by your attempts of seduction.

But you wonder if that’s a proposition. If he’s suggesting something else, and you try not to show your surprise too much. “Oh?”

Air rushes out of his nose. He smiles, the corners of his mouth curling. Somehow, arrogance is a good look on Jungkook — it makes you want to fuck him right now, right here, just to shut him up. “Too bad your personality is too ugly for me to waste my time on you.”

You’re taken aback by insult, standing straight with your arms crossed. He gets to his own feet, shuffling his belongings and opening his bass case. “You’re all talk and no action, Jeon.”

His voice drips of sarcasm. “Yeah, and that’s how I was able to hold onto a girlfriend for three years.” 

You roll your tongue in your cheek. “Are you slut-shaming me or are you saying I could never do long-term?”

Jungkook smirks. He leans down to match your height, connecting your eyes together. Your faces are an inch away from one another. “I’m saying that you’re all talk and no action. You might be able to get people into your bed, but that doesn’t mean you can get them to stay and actually like you beyond a superficial level.”

You scoff, tipping your head. Your eyes flicker down to his mouth and that cute mole dotting below it. You swallow hard. “Really? That’s hypocritical of you, Jeon. I know you’re soft for me. Hoseok told me you were writing a love song. That’s not like you. Where’s the teenage angst about anger and death?”

“You’re such an annoying brat, you know that?”

His hand comes up to hold your jaw in place, but he isn’t rough. It’s a tender touch that you could easily shake off — but you don’t. Your lashes flutter and you catch him staring at your own lips. You lick them just to tease and his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat.

“So you admit it?” You throw your arms around his shoulders, pushing him even closer to you until you can feel his hot breath against your skin. “You’re in love with me, aren’t you, Jeon?”

“You’ll have to figure that out for yourself when you sing my love song on stage.”

It’s intoxicating. You both lean closer to one another, no one giving in just yet, struggling to stay afloat. Jungkook whispers, his voice husky, “You’re missing out on what could be the best lay of your life.”

“Then show me.”

You lose. You give into the sexual tension that’s electrifying, practically tangible in the air. And the consequences are absolutely gratifying. You kiss him with a vigor and hastiness of being kept on edge, of long anticipation.

The pad of his fingers presses against your jaw in a silent command. Immediately, you open your mouth for him and his hot tongue intrudes, rendering you breathless. It’s overwhelming with his unforgiving force. Jungkook kisses you like he’s hungry for it, like he’s out to prove a point. You don’t know that his eyes are slightly open, taking in your pleasured expression.

You damn yourself when he draws a desperate, pathetic whimper out of you. When he smirks against your mouth. Someone with as much experience as you do shouldn’t be so flustered.

But the fucker knows what he’s doing. He’s making you hot and bothered, smearing your lipstick shamelessly. He’s more aggressive than you thought was possible. You make an attempt to try to regain control, pushing up against him, rolling your hips. But he grabs a hold of your waist.

Suddenly, Jungkook bites down on your lips. His teeth sink into the soft flesh.

You draw back with a hiss. “Ow! What was that for?”

You’re caught off guard, mouth swollen, eyes watery.

“I know you, Y/N.” Jungkook smirks, running a hand through his long black locks. He grabs his bass as normal. As if the kiss didn’t even begin to affect him. “It’s not fun for you anymore when you get what you want.”

You blink several times and when he notices your dazed expression, he barks, “Get yourself together! We have a performance!”

Jungkook leaves you with weakened knees.

It’s only then that you begin to realize just how severely you underestimate him. 

You were so fucked.

[farmerlan]

Farmer Lan’s Rewatch Guide to The Untamed - Episode 17

Basically replace all the touchy-feely talking scenes in this episode with Wen Qing spitting in mad rage at Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning and there you have it -  the novel version of events.

episode masterlist here

obligatory spoiler warning

Quick recap on the drama:

With the help of little cinnamon bun Wen Ning, Wei Wuxian sneaks out of Yunmeng with the gravely injured Jiang Cheng

We find out that Jiang Cheng has had his core melted by Wen Zhuliu

They can’t stay for long because they figure that the Wen sect is hot on their heels, but Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing both take turns parsing through medical texts, trying to find a way to help Jiang Cheng.

Finally, Wei Wuxian approaches Wen Qing for help with a documented core transfer technique he found, and she tells him there’s only a 50% chance of success, if that. That’s enough for our boy!

Differences from the drama:

In the novel, Wen Ning also transports Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu’s corpses out to be handed back to Jiang Cheng/Wei Wuxian at a later time. This act cannot be understated, proper burial rites are a big deal. In the drama, I believe you can actually see their bodies strung up outside the Wen banquet, which really pains me.

When they travel to Yiling where Wen Qing is overseeing the supervisory bureau is actually the first time readers are introduced to her. The novel explicitly states that she is the same rank as Wen Chao in the Wen sect despite not being a direct descendant, so we know she is pretty high up in the ranks. It’s to the point where Wei Wuxian, despite never having met her, knew of her name and was taken aback that Wen Ning was her brother.

I really appreciate both versions of Wen Qing. In the drama, we see the more human side to her and her portrayal is a lot softer. She also gets a lot more lines, so we feel closer to her as viewers. In the novel, Wen Qing is 100% more of a HBIC than she is in the drama.

In the novel, while Jiang Cheng is losing his mind over the loss of his golden core, it’s actually Wen Ning (not Wen Qing) who walks in, delivering some medicinal concoction. It’s at this moment that Jiang Cheng actually realizes he’s in Wen territory, and he goes absolutely ballistic - he kicks Wen Ning to the ground and starts to strangle Wei Wuxian, asking if he surrendered himself to the Wen dogs in exchange for safety. At this moment, Wen Qing appears and uses her needles to put Jiang Cheng back to sleep, yelling at Wen Ning - “Are you nuts? You’re just going to let him yell and laugh at the top of his lungs? Aren’t you afraid that someone might hear?!” Poor Wen Ning, he just came to deliver medicine...

She then continues to rail on Wen Ning - “wow you’re real gutsy now huh, hiding fugitives…”, “do you know what Wen Chao would do to you, do you really think I could stop him if he wanted to kill you…”, “do you think Wen Chao is stupid, he knows it’s you...”, “who do you think is going to bear the consequences if they stay” and so on. She is a whole mood and TBH the dialogue reminds me of the scoldings I would get from my mom LOL. She’s also indirectly making it really clear to Wei Wuxian (who is also in the room) that they are not welcome here.

She then takes the opportunity straightens out Wei Wuxian and tells him that she is not involved in any of the Wen sect’s doings, has never killed anyone and so does not deserve the blame of what happened to the Jiang sect, so please take your brother and leave here ASAP. Now, despite saying all of this, she’s basically super tsundere in the novel and allows them to stay a couple of days to recover before leaving. She also tells Wen Ning that his medicine brewing skills are subpar and asks him to immediately re-brew the spilled medcine. LOL.

In the novel, they don’t cover Wei Wuxian asking Wen Qing about the core transfer - we only learn of this through that scene with Lan Wangji at the Lotus Pier (when Jiang Cheng discovers the core transfer), so it was a pretty big plot twist. In the novel, we go from them leaving the bureau -> Wei Wuxian telling Jiang Cheng that he found Bao Shan San Ren to perform the core transfer -> Jiang Cheng coming back to see that Wei Wuxian has gone missing. MXTX conveniently does not address whether Wen Chao/Wen Zhuliu, who captured Wei Wuxian and threw him into the burial grounds, found out about his lack of core, so readers are none the wiser.

There’s a lot more nuance in this episode and interactions with Jiang Yanli (who is not with them in the novel) and Wen Qing that the novel does not cover. In the novel, Wen Qing is by nature a brusque person with a short temper, plus she is now harboring two fugitives that could get her easily killed, so she is in no mood for chit-chatting with Wei Wuxian or helping him search for a cure. To me, her actions actually feel more impactful in the novel than in the drama, precisely because there was no pre-established relationship. Imagine if you knew that hiding these people would mean certain death for you and your brother if you were discovered - and there’s a high possibility Wen Chao already knows - but you still do it for two complete strangers anyway. That’s the magnitude of what she has done, and Wei Wuxian understands the huge risk she has undertaken just by turning a blind eye to them alone.

[cryoculus]

Lunaris [4/11]

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Chapter Title: Waxing Gibbous Pairing: Yokai!Akaashi Keiji/Reader Word Count: 3,021

***

“Oi, are you even listening?"

The feeling of someone jostling you by the shoulder was enough to zap you back into consciousness. You blinked in nonplus for a few seconds before remembering that, ah, the coach was talking to the team. The track meet was scheduled in a few weeks. Itsumi was staring at you like you were a specimen from another dimension.

"If Coach Yamamoto catches you sneaking in some Z's while he's talking, I bet he won't let even you off the hook," she reminded, concern lacing her tone. "Seriously, (Name). What've you been doing lately? You've been out of it since Monday. Are you sure you didn't get a concussion?"

The accusation earned her a light smack on the leg as you shifted your sitting position on the grounds. The sun had long sunken into the horizon, and the only available illumination were the lamp posts scattered around the oval. Coach Yamamoto was standing underneath one of them as he gave Fukurodani's track team a much needed pep-talk before the hellish training regimen began. 

"Third years, if you're still pursuing track in college, you best give it your all next week," he imposed, voice gruff with flaky encouragement. "Collegiate level competitions don't have room for athletes with subpar records. That reminds me..."

And you felt your eyelids drooping again, each word the coach was saying sounding farther and farther away, until you heard nothing at all.

***

"I didn't expect you to come."

Akaashi stood by the entrance to the cemetery, still wearing his training clothes as he brandished you with a disconcerted look. You frowned. He was the one who told you to meet him here, yet it was like he seemed disappointed that you showed up.

"There's a yokai wandering around the shrine's designated territory, of course I'd be concerned," you huffed, tugging on the hem of your sweater. It was colder out tonight, and you felt somewhat more safe if Akaashi didn't directly look at the charm on your wrist. 

The demon stared at you, as if expecting something more. "Hm? If you really were alarmed by my existence, wouldn't you have told your grandmother already? Or any of the monks, at least?" 

His retort made you swallow the lump in your throat. Were yokai naturally adept with appraising the ulterior motives of humans? But why would you even think that you could  one-up a demon, of all creatures? You sighed, realizing the futility of keeping up appearances as you cleared your throat uneasily. 

"There's a couple of benches near the cliffside," you told him, gaze shying away from his blue-eyed stare. "I'd like to...know more about you." 

Akaashi breathed out a soft laugh, amusement painting itself on his face. "A human whose first instinct isn't to kill a yokai? Or at least run from it? You really are something else." 

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" 

As the two of you made your way past the run-down cemetery, you watched the way moonlight drew forth the sharp angles of Akaashi's face. You wondered if he'd only stolen the identity of another human, or if he really did look like that in his true form. Nonetheless, he had flawless taste for his disguises, that's for sure. Right now, you didn't feel the warning pulse of the charm on your wrist. He must have toned down his presence to pass as human. 

"It depends on who's asking, really," he said as the two of you settled on the crumbling stone benches nestled between two faded gravestones. You muttered a quiet apology for the intrusion, hoping whoever was buried underneath wouldn't mind a yokai trespassing on their final resting place. 

"So," you began, eyes trained on the overcast sky above. No stars were out tonight, nor did Tsukuyomi take a peek at the land below. "What's your deal? Why aren't you going on a killing spree like yokai usually do when they're smart enough not to get caught by the monks."

He groaned, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. "Do me a favor and don't compare me to fledgelings like those. If we live long enough, carnage eventually bores even the worst of us."

You nodded in understanding, taking each word to heart. There was something soothing about his voice—like it could lull you to sleep if you weren't careful. 

This is how idiots get killed in horror movies, you reminded yourself. Villains were supposed to make you let your guard down so they could take you out when you're most vulnerable.

But for some reason, the word villain didn't quite suit Akaashi. Not because he wore the face of a meek-looking human. No, it was more of a gut feeling. Your grandmother did tell you to trust your gut when all was lost. 

"Where do you live?" you asked him. "Here? On top of the hill?" 

He shook his head, resting his palms on his knees. "I'm staying with a human family who thinks they have a son." When you shot him a pensive stare, he gave you a tight-lipped smile as he backtracked with, "No harm will come to them, I promise." 

You knew that you shouldn't take his word for it, but still, your shoulders relaxed with the assurance. "What are you doing here, then?"

"I told you," he said, stretching out his long limbs as he stared upward. "The moon shines brightest here."

His words didn't hold the same impact as they would have if the sky was clear tonight. You gazed up to the heavens, where clouds still obscured the wonderful view behind it. If you asked what's so special about the place where the moon shines brightest, you already knew he was only going to give you the vaguest of answers. 

"You're still avoiding the million dollar question, though," you sighed, shifting in your seat as you gazed at the city of Tokyo from your generous vantage point.

"You did ask me a lot of those," Akaashi pointed out. "Which one do I answer first? Who am I? Why don't I have a heart? Or what's my deal? Pick wisely. I think I'm in the mood to answer only one."

Huh. It seemed that some yokai have a sense of humor after all. A soft laugh rumbled in your chest as you mindlessly kicked away a pebble on the ground, having made up your mind before he even asked.

"...Why don't you have a heart?"

The silence that settled between the both of you rang in your ears. Akaashi's eyes flashed with an emotion you couldn't quite identify as he heaved a long breath. It took him a moment to respond. You were about to tell him that he didn't have to answer but he beat you to it when he told you:

"Simple. A human stole it from me." 

***

"Is there something you're not telling me, (Name)?" 

You knew that the only reason why Itsumi was being this inquisitive was simply because she was looking after you. She hadn't been wrong when she'd pointed out earlier that you were drifting in and out of focus since the beginning of the week. It was Wednesday now, and your condition hadn't improved. Probably because of the lack of sleep you were getting. 

But Itsumi didn't have to know about that. 

"It's just gotten a bit busy at the shrine lately, Sumi," you explained, which technically wasn't a lie. With the festival pushing through tomorrow evening, you took it upon yourself to help out as much as you could. Your grandmother even put you in charge of coordinating with the food stalls and game booths that were going to do business at the foot of the hill. 

Itsumi hummed in contemplation, affixing you with a dubious stare before slinging her bag over her shoulder. "If you say so..."

"Oi, (Surname)!" 

He couldn't have picked a worse time to drop by than now. With a sigh, you turned around to face Bokuto, who seemed fresh out of training just like you and Itsumi. But even if he's been worn down by rigorous volleyball practice, he still had it in him to grin at you like his wellspring of energy was yet to run out. Behind him, trailed his eternal plus one, Akaashi, who had a mask of neutrality secured on his face.

He was also the main reason why you couldn't sleep at night. 

In your last meeting, his answer to one of your many questions only gave rise to a dozen more (Who did it? How long has it been? How are you still alive?), all of which the yokai was unwilling to answer. 

You couldn't exactly corner him at school either. It would be too obvious if you suddenly just approached the second year, whom you've never interacted with outside your strange circumstances, out of nowhere. So that resulted in the previous nights spent tossing and turning in your futon, your mind grasping at answers it couldn't reach. 

"Bokuto-san, hello," you greeted with as much cheer as you could manage. "What's up?"

"Your shrine's holding the lunar festival next week, right?" he asked, eyes as expectant as a child's on Christmas.

"Um, yes. Why are you asking?" 

If it was even possible, his grin only scaled wider. "I think I attended the festival as a kid back then. I kind of want to remember what it's like, is all! You mind showing me around?" 

You could practically hear Itsumi internally squealing right next to you when your best friend turned around to bury her face in her hands. Though, you weren't in any better condition. 

"Bokuto-san," you began, feeling your face burn with embarrassment. "Are you asking me to go with you to the lunar festival?" 

"Eh? Was I not clear enough?" The ace cocked his head slightly, puzzled. 

"She'll go," Itsumi answered before you could even process his words. "Wear a red kimono—it's good luck!"

"What? Really?" Bokuto gaped, nodding profusely at Itsumi's words. "Furukawa, thanks for the tip! I'll—I'll go shopping right away. Akaashi, let's go!"

"Bokuto-san, do you really have to drag me everywhere you go," drawled the setter, shooting him a distasteful look. You found it quite amusing, really. How a yokai like Akaashi was being strung around so easily by Bokuto. It was like the ace had a higher power over—

Wait a minute. 

"See you tomorrow, (Surname)!" the wing spiker announced, waving a hand goodbye towards you and Itsumi. Your best friend returned his greeting with a nod, but you were too stunned with your new-found realization to do the same. 

"Sumi, I'll go on ahead," you mumbled half-heartedly as your feet began moving more out of instinct than anything else. 

Your best friend called out from behind you, but you couldn't spare Itsumi any explanations; not with the burning need to confront Akaashi before Bokuto completely snags him away was gnawing at you. The duo were walking at a leisurely pace ahead, just a few meters from the gym's entrance. Akaashi retained his neutral facade as Bokuto chattered about something you couldn't quite catch because—

"Akaashi," you spoke, seizing the setter's wrist. He blinked in surprise, turning to you with a question in his eyes. "Can we talk for a minute? It's important." 

Bokuto was alternating his gaze in between you and the team's setter, brows furrowed at having been left out with whatever you were discussing. "Akaashi, what's (Surname) talking about?" 

A conflicted look flashed across Akaashi's face for a sliver of a moment, so brief you would've missed it if you weren't staring at him dead in the eye. He was studying you intently, possibly surmising all the ways he could murder you and get away with it in his head. Wait, no. Akaashi wasn't like that. 

Yet...

"Bokuto-san, you'll have to head on without me," he conceded with a sigh. "I'll accompany you for kimono shopping some other time." 

The ace visibly depleted at Akaashi's decision, lip swelled into a pout. You could feel a pang of guilt rippling in your chest at the sight, but this was for his own good. You were doing this to protect him. 

Once Bokuto was out of earshot (after five minutes of convincing him that he didn't have to worry about anything) and you've moved someplace more private, you brandished Akaashi with a hard glare. "It's him, isn't it?"

His brows were knit with confusion. "I'm afraid I don't follow." 

"Don't play games with me, yokai," you hissed, the word tasted like venom on your tongue. "I've got you all figured out."

Despite your display of aggression, Akaashi didn't even seem the least bit threatened. He merely stood in front of you with folded arms, the lacking illumination making his already indecipherable expressions harder to read. But you heard the low rumble of a laugh emitting from him before he breathed out a long exhale. 

"I've been alive for centuries, but not one human has ever had the guts to tell me they've 'got me all figured out'," he said, an amused smile grazing his face. You could feel rage bubbling in your chest as your fists shook with irritation. Was he even taking you seriously?!

"You did all this to—to get close to him. You went out of your way, even stooping down to our level, because Bokuto-san has your heart, doesn't he?" You made a beeline for the point of the matter, your gut insisting that you won't get anywhere if you wasted more time. "I don't know how that could have happened but..." 

Your voice trailed off, giving him a silent leeway to explain himself. Why were you even giving him a chance at redemption? The truth was baring its fangs at you right there!

But still...

You couldn't picture the boy that sat down with you by the cliffside just killing Bokuto out of cold blood to get his heart back. The fact that he hadn't permanently silenced you for simply knowing his identity was a testament to his intentions, as well. The yokai you've heard about in stories and legends weren't as lenient like Akaashi was being with you and, frankly, his charitable behavior was scaring you more than it would if he acted in-character. 

Akaashi spared you a lopsided smile, staring upward at the moon overhead. The gibbous was yet to reach completion, and for a moment, you wondered if the full moon would land on the day of the lunar festival itself. 

"You have the right idea, at least," the setter relented. "My heart is breathing life into a human being right now and they don't have the slightest idea about it." 

"So—"

"But it isn't Bokuto-san."

That was all it took for the ire in your veins to die down. You stared at Akaashi unblinkingly, letting his words sink in. It wasn't Bokuto. It wasn't him, yet you went ahead and accused him so boldly. Horror painted itself on your face before you bowed your head in sheer embarrassment—apologies spilling from your lips right after the other. 

"But...why are you by his side all the time if he doesn't have what you wanted?" you wondered. 

"I'm glad you asked," Akaashi chuckled. "I think you've observed how energetic Bokuto-san is on the regular, yes? That aura translates into the realm of spirits as well. Imagine his aura as a force field of sorts—if I cloak myself in his energy, my presence will be even more muted than it already is. Take it as an extra precaution, if you may."

You titled your head to the side. "But why would you need protection when—"

"Is someone back there?"

The sound of the night-shift guard's voice had you on high-alert in a split second, and you ducked behind one of the nearby trees, pulling Akaashi with you. The trunk wasn't a very good hiding place, since you had to press Akaashi closer to your frame so neither of you would get caught. You silenced your breathing as much as you could, straining your ears for the sound of the guard's footsteps. When you were sure he'd left to patrol the other areas in school, you heaved a sigh of relief.

That's when you noticed how close Akaashi's face was to yours. 

"Why were you acting like a serial killer was out to get us," he asked, mouth twisting into a sneer. His pearly white teeth glinted in the moonlight, and you felt yourself becoming ensnared with his navy-eyed gaze for a moment. 

"U-Uh, no. Sorry. It's just that the guards are really strict with PDA, and we were kind of in a compromising position—two teenagers doing god-knows-what in the dark, and all," you explained, springing away from Akaashi as you hoped that he didn't notice the stutter in your words.

Your reasons had some weight in them, too. You've learned your lesson from the time you brought Kazuto here to talk to him about his previously rocky relationship with the rest of the team. The night shift guards never let you hear the end of that.

"I see," the setter replied. "Well, is there anything else you would like to accuse me of before I go?" 

"I would like to accuse you of being a smartass," you bit back. 

Akaashi smiled as he began walking away. "So I've been told."

As you watched him go further and further away, the question that rested at the back of your throat itched to be articulated. Gulping, you ran towards him without another thought, hyper-aware of how loud your shoes were hitting the pavement. Akaashi turned around to face you with curiosity brimming his eyes, and you stopped right in front of him. 

"When you find the person who has your heart," you began, your own heart thundering in your rib cage. "What are you going to do?" 

The look he gave you was somber for a fleeting moment before Akaashi assumed his mask of neutrality once more. He avoided your gaze, looking up at the sky instead. 

"Take it back, of course."

[tessisawriter]

Not Losing Me (Adrian Kempe)

Request (anonymous): Adrian Kempe #16 💜

A/N: I have no idea what the Kings’ social media people are like: I just made them that way to highlight the problem of sexism in the workplace. If you have ever experienced sexism or harassment, please know that it is not your fault and you have every right to report whoever did that to you. Lightly inspired by Gabrielle Aplin’s “Losing Me” (link here). 

Warnings: Two swear words, angst, sexism, mention of catcalling & harassment

Word Count: 1.8k

Another night, another loss.

You sighed as you turned off the post-game coverage, knowing that Adrian would be home any minute now. The Kings had not been doing well recently, and your boyfriend was in a perpetually sullen mood. You didn’t want to make him feel worse than he already did.

As soon as you put down the clicker, you heard the telltale signs of keys jingling outside the door, a string of curses, and finally, the lock turning. The door burst open, and Adrian came stomping inside. There was a wild look in his eyes that you had never seen in the seven years you knew him.

“I’m so fucking sick of losing!” Adrian exclaimed, throwing his hockey bag down on the ground.

Your heart hurt for him. You stood up, walked over to him, and wrapped your arms around him in a bone-crushing hug. You whispered in his ear, “I know, babe.”

Adrian’s body tensed and he pulled away from your embrace, but you still kept your arms around him. “No, you don’t, Y/N—all you do is study, and work, and study some more! You have no idea what I’m going through!”

“I’d beg to differ,” you responded, keeping your voice calm. “We do completely different things, sure, but frustration is central to both of our jobs. When I hand in a paper that I know is subpar, I feel like a loser.”

Adrian’s eyes darkened. “Are you actually trying to compare grad school to being a professional athlete?” The venom in his voice cut through you like a knife. “Come on, Y/N, get real! I not only have to play games five times a week, but I also have to stay in perfect physical shape and put the puck in the net! Grad school is child’s play.”

The last comment made you snap. The floodgates opened, and tears started streaming down your face. “Don’t you dare tell me that what I do is child’s play!” you screamed. “I know you’ve been down lately, so I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible, but you just crossed the line!”

“Really? You’re going to throw a temper tantrum now?” Adrian’s voice was dripping with snark.

You were overwhelmed by your emotions, but “That’s it, I’m done,” was all you said as you turned away and walked into the bedroom.

You went into the closet and grabbed a blanket. It was too late at night to fight like this, and you needed time to think. You plucked Adrian’s pillow off the bed before returning to the living room, putting them on the couch, and informing him: “I think it’s best if you sleep out here tonight.”

The possessed look in Adrian’s eyes vanished immediately, and remorse replaced it. “Y/N, baby, I shouldn’t have said that, I’m so…”

“No.” A suppressed sob made your voice sound choked. “You hurt me. You really hurt me, and I need some distance from you now, so please, just stay on the couch.” Your voice was reduced to a squeak by the time you finished.

Adrian’s green eyes looked suspiciously watery, but he just nodded and grabbed the blanket, unfolded it, and laid it out on the couch while you walked back into the bedroom and closed the door, locking it before you climbed into bed and shut off the light.

***************

You drifted in and out of sleep, never able to relax enough to rest. You hated nothing more than restless nights, so you eventually gave up on sleeping and sat up in your bed.

The clock read 4:15AM, and you groaned, running a hand over your face. Your heart ached when you looked at Adrian’s empty side of the bed. How could your loving boyfriend who had done nothing but support and lift you up throughout your five-year relationship belittle you like that? His statement stung, and it kept replaying in your head, confusing you the more you thought about it.

You didn’t feel any better physically. Your eyes hurt from crying yourself to sleep, your nose was all stuffed, and your throat was scratchy. More than anything, you wanted water, so you reached over to the bedside table for where you normally kept your water bottle, but your hand only made contact with air. “Shit,” you cursed quietly. You left your water bottle in the living room.

The last thing you wanted to do was go outside, especially because you didn’t want to wake Adrian if he had managed to fall asleep, but your throat screamed for water. You compromised on leaving your water bottle in the living room and getting another one from the kitchen.

You crept over to the bedroom door and tried to make as little noise as possible while you unlocked the door. You were successful, so you slowly turned the knob and opened the door halfway. You looked through the door and saw Adrian lying on his side on the couch, facing away from the bedroom. He appeared to be asleep. Sighing, you stepped through the doorframe and tiptoed to the kitchen, where you took out a new water bottle and filled it without making too much noise. When you walked back into the living room, though, Adrian was sitting up on the couch and facing the kitchen, clearly waiting for you to come out.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Adrian asked, his voice sedate but scratchy.

You shook your head.

“Me neither,” he said.

You just stood there, staring at him. Everyone said there were two responses to potential conflict, fight or flight, but you knew there was a third option: freeze.

“Y/N? Do you want to come and sit?” Adrian asked you for the second time. You snapped out of whatever trance you were in and gingerly walked over to the couch, sitting on the opposite end from Adrian.

The silence was killing you, so you brought the water bottle to your lips and took a sip. The cool water felt like heaven, so you drank the rest of the bottle before setting it down on the coffee table.

“Feel any better?” Adrian said.

“Yeah.” You tested your voice, and it sounded clearer.

“Good.”

The silence took over the room again, but you turned to Adrian and broke it: “Why did you say what you did? I mean…” You searched for the words. “You’ve never belittled me before, and while it hurt, what really bothers me is I don’t understand where it came from.”

“I didn’t mean it, Y/N. I was frustrated with myself, so I took it out on you, but I shouldn’t have.”

“I believe you,” you replied, “But that wasn’t the question. Where would you pick up such a notion? It was sexist, and you’ve never behaved that way before: quite the contrary, actually. You always treat girls as equal, and that was why I liked you in the first place.”

“I don’t know, it’s just…” Adrian ran his hands through his hair, which told you he was lying. He knew where it came from.

“Adrian,” you said, moving a little closer to him on the couch so that you weren’t so far away but also had enough distance between you, “It’s okay: you can tell me. I won’t judge or anything.”

Adrian sighed. “You know the new guys in social media?”

You nodded, your blood already boiling. The Kings had hired a new social media team this year, and there was only one female member. The rest were boys in their early to mid 20s who were known to hit on fans and occasionally, a player’s SO. Fortunately, they didn’t try that with you, but it happened to Tyler’s wife, Cat. They were pigs.

“They’re always talking shit about girls, and they were on me today, or I guess yesterday now, about you.”

“What about me?” You asked, despite dreading his answer.

“That they forget I have a girlfriend half the time because you don’t go to a ton of games,” he admitted.

You stiffened. “You know I want to go to your games, but I can’t control the fact that my classes are all at night.”

“I understand, Y/N, I really do, and I’m so proud of everything you’re doing at your PhD program. I don’t know what came over me.”

“I do,” you said. “Those assholes knew you’ve been upset over losing a lot lately, so they took advantage of it and spread their poison.” You closed the distance between you and Adrian on the couch and put your fingers under his chin so he would be forced to look you in the eye. “But you can’t let them do that anymore, okay?”

“I won’t, I promise,” Adrian said, and you knew from the earnestness in his eyes that he was telling the truth.

“Okay, then. I forgive you.”

Adrian’s eyes widened. “You do?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t really you talking earlier. But promise me one thing.”

“Anything.”

“Tell management to fire those jerks,” you said. “Did you know that a bunch of them hit on Cat last week and were catcalling her?”

Adrian’s jaw clenched. “No, I did not know that. No wonder she’s been acting strange whenever she comes to the facility. Tyler’s been really worried about it; I have to tell him…”

“No,” you said. “I’ll call Cat in the morning and convince her to tell Tyler herself. He needs to hear it from her, Adrian.”

“You’re right. God, I’m so sorry about all this,” Adrian said as he wrapped his arms around you and hugged you tight. You returned the gesture and rested your head in the crook of his neck.

“Don’t be sorry: we’re going to handle this together tomorrow,” you replied.

Adrian released you and stood up. “That’s right: we’re a team, and I won’t forget that again. Let’s go to bed, shall we?” He extended his hand, and you took it, letting him pull you up from the couch and into bed.

After you were settled in the bed with Adrian as the big spoon, he whispered into your hair, “I was so worried I was going to lose you.”

“Because of those jackasses?” You chuckled and turned around to face him. “You’re not losing me because of them.”

Adrian smiled and kissed you on the lips. You leaned into the kiss before pulling away.

“Let’s not lose any more sleep over them, okay?”

“Amen to that,” Adrian agreed, and you turned back over so that you could resume your original position. Both of you fell asleep within five minutes, happy that your fight was over.

[eien-no-gakusha]

Did a quick translation of the last part of the Taisho era Eruri trilogy by TWOFRAME.  Firstly because I wanted to see what happens next & I figured I should read non-zuka things once in a while for reading practice lol.  It’s a un-proofread first draft so sorry for any mistakes.  I’ll be releasing in parts or else it’ll get long.

You can read the entire dj on TWOFRAME’s pixiv for free:  https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/71167656

Yonakiugutsu

by TWOFRAME

[summer, cicadas chirping]

Erwin (flashback):  I love you...Do you…?

Erwin (present):  How cruel you are…

Levi:  What?

Erwin:  Morning~

Erwin (monologue):  When I asked, you couldn’t answer...

Erwin (mono):  Summer came.

Erwin:  Today’s nice, isn’t it?

Levi:  Yeah

Erwin:  In that case, want to go for a walk?  It doesn’t hurt to go out once in a while

Erwin:  What?  Surprised?

Levi:  Just taken aback you’re asking at all

Erwin:  Huh?

Levi:  Yeah, fine…

Levi:  Usually, you would just grab my hand without asking and drag me along

Erwin:  You’re too pale from staying indoors all the time.  You need more sun!

Levi:  Enough with the advice!

Erwin (mono):  I’ve been here a year yet I still did not know his name.

Erwin (mono):  His name.  His “Erwin” and me.  There’s this unbridgeable gap between his Erwin and me.  The deeper I dive, the more I want to see him at ease but...me and him...the answer I want is nothing but my wishful thinking.

Erwin (flashback):  In that case, want to go for a walk?

Erwin (mono):  In my fear, I’ve become overly cautious in my every move.  And he is such an undeniably compassionate man.  Perhaps it’s time I should come to terms with all this...the answer I’m afraid to hear…”Sorry, you’re not him.”

Erwin (mono):  But...if only he would turn to me and say “you remind me of Erwin.”  If only he would look at me affectionately just a little, even if only 1%...

Erwin:  Rain?

Erwin:  Whoa, it’s coming down fast!

Erwin:  I can’t believe that just happened...and it was completely clear earlier too…

Erwin (thinking):  Ah!  Shit, this is bad…

Erwin:  My house is nearby, do you want to come over?

Levi:  Bastard…

Levi:  I can only assume you’re more used to hotels from the state of your house

Erwin:  Well, when compared to your impeccable home…

Erwin:  Here, a towel

Erwin:  I’m aware of what this looks like...the towel is clean so no need to worry.  I usually rely on my housekeeper of an aunt for cooking and laundry, cleaning too.  Coupled with the fact I’m always at work, I’m not exactly good at hosting guests.  Ha...sounds like I’m making excuses huh?

Erwin:  You’ll catch a cold soaked as you are, here you can wear this.  It’s my shirt.

Levi:  ...and pants?

Erwin:  Unfortunately, I don’t have anything in your size.  I’m going to make some tea, make yourself at home.

Erwin (thinking):  Since I usually don’t have guests over, I have nothing to serve…

Erwin:  Sorry about the tea...it’s subpar compared to the nice stuff you serve at your place

Levi:  Don’t worry about it.

Erwin:  Here, your tea

Levi:  Thanks

Erwin (mono):  Him growing cold in my messy room that stinks of tobacco, bad tea...everything he dislikes.  Overall, nothing to be ashamed of but he’s definitely unhappy.  Despite all this, he bears with it silently.  He’s so considerate it’s cute!

Erwin (mono):  What a devious person I am.

Levi:  What are you staring at?

Erwin:  You wearing my shirt for the first time...I’m not used to it.

Erwin:  You’re still all wet.  It’ll be bad if you caught a cold.  We can’t be careless just because it’s summer.

Erwin (mono):  Ah...those eyes again…from time to time a trivial thing will spark a terribly nostalgic look in his eyes.

Erwin:  You really are a cruel man…

Levi:  What?

Erwin:  Wanna do it?

Levi:  You bastard, you’re asking before doing it now?

Erwin:  Hearing this coming from the guy who just grabs your hand and drags you along...must be shocking

Erwin:  You never show me this side of yourself

Erwin:  You’re so beautiful, I can’t resist…(1)

Levi:  You’re...hands...they’re so hot...

Erwin:  It’s not that my hands are hot, it’s your body that’s cold.

Levi:  What now?

Erwin:  I haven’t gotten an answer yet…

Erwin (mono):  Of course, I wanted to respect his wishes most of all.  But, this not insignificant passion that burns within me...I want to know it’s not one-sided.

Levi:  Forget about that already…

Erwin (mono):  It’s always me wanting him

[love scene start-o!! ^o^ most of it is intuitive but I’ve gone ahead & translated highlights such as…]

Levi:  Your mouth’s so hot on me

Erwin:  Must be the tea from before…

Levi:  Quick blabbing!

Erwin (mono):  Even if he wants me, it’s only lust.  But as long as he wants me, I’ll take whatever I can get.  Regardless if I’m sick in the head or not, I’ve certainly become pathetic.  With my heart aching, I mindlessly thrust myself into a stupor.  Willingly I descend into the darkness (1), submerging myself in the sea of oblivion.  As if consuming the poisonous sap of hemlock or being drunk on opium.

[morning after]

Erwin (mono):  As long as you’re happy, I can’t be jealous.  When you’re happy, my heart is overwhelmed with joy as well.  I have taken hold of your light wings and…[there is a tree/forest metaphor here, probably about Levi isolating himself and Erwin trying to have Levi trust him with his feelings/heart.  Too many blurry & unfamiliar kanji to be certain.  Also, Erwin may be quoting poetry.  He’s a professional writer in this universe & waxing poetic throughout his whole narration]

Erwin (mono):  In that manner, with clear voices we sang the lighthearted songs of summer.  However…

Levi:  *cough cough*

Erwin:  Are you alright?  Here, water.

Levi:  Yeah, thanks…

Erwin:  This cough has lasted longer than usual

Levi:  Just feeling sluggish, I have a cold after all.  I’ll be better soon.

Erwin (mono):  At first, though he was concerned, I thought it was just a cold

Levi:  *cough*

Erwin:  I’ll be back with water.

Erwin:  I’m back-

Levi:  ha...ha…*panting*

Erwin:  I have so much regret I could die.  Because he got soaked in the rain...everything after that summer went to hell

Levi:  Get out!  Are you deaf!?

Levi:  I’m fucking tired of seeing your face!  Get out of my sight!

Levi:  I said get out!

Levi:  Don’t even try coming back!

Levi:  Don’t come near me…!  Just get the fuck out...if you dare come back, I’ll wind up killing you first

Levi:  If you come near me, you’ll get sick too!

Erwin:  I don’t mind

Levi:  You wanna die too?  Let go!

Erwin:  That doesn’t matter

Levi:  Let go of me, already!

Erwin:  I want to stay by your side...let me stay with you…

Erwin (mono):  I was overwhelmed by an intense longing.  If this is all I can have, I would take it all and quietly leave the world with you and disappear into that dark forest

[cicadas chirping in the evening]

Erwin:  Where did he-!

Erwin:  Hey, where are you!  Answer me!

Levi:  What?

Levi:  Is something wrong?  Erwin…?  Are you ok?

Erwin:  That should be my line…

Erwin:  Looks like you’re in a good mood today

Levi:  The hell’s wrong with you?

Erwin:  Nothing

Levi:  Erwin, you’re heavy

Erwin:  Let me stay like this a little bit longer

Erwin (mono):  Though I knew I would lose him before long, there was nothing I could do.  Gradually, his weary body grew so pale he was almost transparent under the sun.  It was as if he was slowly disappearing in the light.

Erwin (mono):  And then the day finally came, when the house fell into a dreadful silence.

Erwin (mono):  It was the last day of O-Bon (2)

Levi:  I had a dream last night

Levi:  It was from before I met you, a dream of a time long past

Erwin:  Is that so?

Levi:  Forget about me and go back to Tokyo...go back to your old life.  Forget about everything here and live out your life.  From the start, the thought of leaving you, who has been by my side despite by illness, has worried me every day.  You can’t die yet.  Not now.

Erwin:  Not yet?  What kind of talk is this?  I’m by your side of my own will

Levi:  Then...when I’m gone you won’t have any reason to stay here.  This time, live on...live for your own sake

Erwin:  What are you muttering about, all of a sudden?  Please, don’t leave me.

Levi:  Erwin...thank you

[Erwin flashback]

Erwin:  Levi

Erwin (reading letter):  Come back to Tokyo already!  Niles, huh…

Erwin (mono):  I’ve been separated from Levi but...I can’t bear the thought of losing him.  This solitude is nothing.  Torture me.  Curse me.  Break me.  Make me vanish completely.  Until I forget everything.

[14 years later]

Erwin:  Camellias, huh?  How rare for for flowers to bloom now.

Erwin:  ? What strange weather we’re having…

Erwin:  Wel...come…

Levi:  Um…

Levi:  I’m looking for an anthology of poems…

Erwin (mono):  Is this an illusion?  A daydream?  That endless song has stopped.

Erwin:  Levi!

Erwin (mono):  Am I even awake right now?

Levi:  What the!?  Let go!

Erwin:  Levi…!

Levi:  Don’t touch me like you know me!

Erwin:  Levi, why are you…

Levi:  You...know me?  How do you know my name?

Erwin (mono):  Ah...How long do we have to keep repeating these new meetings, I don’t know.  But one thing’s certain.  That we will never recall our memories at the same time.

Erwin:  Levi

Erwin (mono):  Even if I have to wait an entire lifetime to regain my memories of us…

Erwin:  I’ve been waiting for you.

Erwin (mono):  No matter when, no matter what we turn out to be; I will absolutely believe in our love.

---

Uh...me being unable to read one specific blurry kanji throws off this whole line

Japanese Lantern Festival/Day of the Dead

[shuttershocky]

The Kokutou siblings sat with their boss in the office of The Hollow Shrine, with Mikiya click-clacking away on Touko’s haunted typewriter, and Azaka working on a few modifications to her mystic code. The two were notoriously early risers and had come in before Touko had barely rubbed the sleep from her eyes, so the mage was quite unprepared for her apprentices to be in a chatty mood. 

“Sensei,” Azaka said, snapping her fingers with her salamander glove. “I think we need to expand the office.”

Touko grunted in response, flipping to another page of the newspaper. She wasn’t actually reading anything; any mage worth their salt knew you never absorbed information until you’ve had at least two cups of coffee, and Mikiya hadn’t even started making the first one. 

“I agree,” Mikiya chimed in. “We need another room for all your workshop materials, Touko-san. We can’t keep stuffing them all in the kitchen.

Touko blinked in surprise. You never suggested the layout of a mage’s workshop might be subpar. Not if you wanted to have the right amount of fingers and toes or keep your skeleton a solid bone anyway. If they weren’t her apprentices she would have smote them where they stood, not that that’s stopped other mages of her caliber from doing the same either. She just didn’t feel like sweeping the floor of ashes today.

She put down the newspaper and put on her glasses (Huh, maybe that’s why she couldn’t read anything?), shooting both Kokutous a quizzical look. 

Azaka paused mid-snap. “Well, Sensei, we can’t store food and whatever strange, possibly-illegal substances you keep buying in the same cupboards. You don’t even label them!”

“Why not? I remember where everything is. I use the kitchen just fine.”

“Sensei, we use the kitchen.”

“Oh, you’ll be fine,” Touko said, dismissing her with a wave.” Just memorize where everything is like I did! 

“Sensei! What if we make a mistake?”

“I didn’t hire a pair of numbskulls. You wouldn’t even have been able to find this place unless you had an IQ above the general populace’s average.”

Mikiya stopped typing. 

“What? How does that even hide you from the Magus Association? The Clocktower is magic college.”

“Kokutou, you have no idea how many idiots get into college.”

“Wait, wait!” Mikiya said, waving his hands in front of his face. They were getting off-topic as usual. “Touko-san, keeping items as dangerous as potion ingredients and half-finished mystic codes and ritual relics in the same place we put sugar is a really bad idea. Sakura’s learning to cook now after seeing Emiya do it. Soon, she’ll rope Rin into cooking with her too, and if there’s anything that kids do it’s making mistakes while learning. Only a matter of time before someone will eat something that doesn’t agree with them, and we’ll be stretched thin covering for that someone while they wallow in food poisoning for a week, if we’re lucky.”

“The nerve!” Touko said with an exaggerated gasp and hand movement. “You’re really killing me, you two. Why I might just die now of sorrow. First, you tell a mage where to put their stuff in their own workshop, next you dare insinuate my girls can’t tell a witch’s foot from a basket of eggs?”

“You’ve got somebody’s foot?” Azaka blanched. 

“Surprisingly cheap. They said yes as soon as I lowballed, so I’m thinking it’s either fake or cursed.”

The door opened.

Sakura stepped out of the bedroom, already dressed for school and with homework in hand. 

“Good morning everyone!” She bowed.

“Morning, kiddo.” Touko said, her face brightening up in a way she would never admit. “Aren’t you up too early? School’s not for another hour.”

The Kokutou siblings glanced at each other.

“She knows what time school starts?!” Mikiya mouthed.

“I know! It’s like, who even is she?” Azaka replied wordlessly. 

“Mitsuzuri-senpai invited me to watch the archery club practice today. She said they were looking for new recruits since nii... Since Shinji moved away. I’m not sure if I’ll even like it, but I want to try!”

“That’s great, kid. Your sister going with you?”

The low, rumbling groan of an unconscious bear came from the bedroom.

“Guess not, huh?”

“No, I guess not.” Sakura giggled.

“Well, you should head off soon Sakura,” Mikiya said. “Before Touko-san decides to lend you a cursed bow that shoots straight but eats your classmates.”

“The slander! The libel! I’d sue you all if I wasn’t wanted in basically everywhere.”

The Hollow Shrine shared a laugh for a good moment.

“Oh!” Sakura gasped. “Nee-san and I made some chocolate cupcakes yesterday but no one else was home. They should still be in the fridge. We wanted you to be the first to try them out, Mom.”

“Aww, thank you, Sakura,” Touko said, taking a cupcake to her desk. “I’ll have one as soon as I finish the paper. Now go! Shoo! Don’t be late for archery. The Emiya boy is there before anyone else, so if you leave now you’ll have about ten minutes alone. You gotta take every advantage you can get right now when Rin could be his classmate next year.”

“I-I-I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Sakura said, blushing a deeper crimson than her sister’s clothes. “I’m going! P-Please tell me later how you liked it!”

The little girl bowed and was out the door, faster than they could blink.

“Now...” Touko said, picking up the cake.

“Don’t eat that!” shouted both Kokutous simultaneously.

“Are you two still going on about how I keep my kitchen? My girls made it. Together. It’s perfectly safe. Watch.”

And with that, the mage took a bite of the cake.

____________________________________

Later that evening, on the outskirts of Misaki Town close to Reien Girls Academy, Touko Aozaki and the Kokutou siblings were digging a ditch on the edge of the forest.

“Well,” Touko said, leaning on her shovel. “This is always the messiest part of moving to a new body, but on the bright side, aren’t we all just glad it was I who ate the cake?’

Mikiya sighed. “I don’t want to say ‘we told you so,’ but we did say that your kitchen was a disaster waiting to happen. We’re just lucky I convinced Rin it was all a bad dream or we’d be looking at a year in therapy. 

Azaka kept shoveling as the other two began to argue.

“Don’t be like that, Kokutou! The recipe did say Death by Chocolate. As far as I’m concerned, this was still well within expected parameters. So the girls might have mistaken rat poison for brown sugar, what’s the big deal?”

“Touko, you exploded,” Mikiya said, holding up a chunk of blackened flesh. “I can’t even tell if this used to be your head or part of a leg.”

Azaka stopped shoveling too to give it a poke.

“It’s got fingers. I think it’s an arm.”

“Oh stop it!” Touko snapped, snatching the maybe-arm and tossing it into the pit. “Let’s just finish before anyone comes. The last thing I want to do is get arrested for the murder of me.”

Her words were punctuated by the glare of headlights, along with the wail of a police siren.

[johannesviii]

Top 15 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2002

13 to 14 years old. Most of the year was pretty good. Summer was great. But in September I arrived in 2nd (local equivalent of 10th grade), so I was 14 in a class of mostly 15/16 years old students, and I looked so out of place that inevitably, bad shit started to happen very quickly.

Thankfully, it was a damn good year for hits. They say music never sounds better than when you are a teenager, as if that was a bad thing - but maybe they’re right? So yeah, nostalgia is in full force there. This year was so good for music, in fact, that this is a top 15 instead of 10. It was already super difficult to keep only 10 songs before I even looked at the French year-end list, and then I just gave up.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

This list originally had SIX horribly painful cuts so I decided to do some damage control and make it a top 15. There’s still a whole bunch of honorable mentions, though.

Heaven remix (DJ Sammy) - [Insert here rant about Johannes liking overproduced dance garbage full of colors and lights]

Move b█tch (Ludacris) - Just a ton of fun to sing along that chorus.

Whenever Wherever (Shakira) - I claim overplay, but that is still legendary.

How You Remind Me (Nickelback) - Nobody’s gonna disagree if I say they’re a terrible band, but you gotta admit, their first hit was pretty great.

The Middle (Jimmy Eat World) - In a year full of fantastic earworms, some had to stay out of the list.

Can’t Fight the Moonlight (LeAnn Rimes) - Just re-read the previous statement.

Get the Party Started (Pink) - More on that later.

Inch’Allah (MC Solaar) - Not his best song by a mile (obviously; I mean, the guy who wrote a song about making Satan explode into antimatter can’t really top that because nobody can) but still very nice.

Cleanin’ Out My Closet (Eminem) - Yeah, the rethread of The Real Slim Shady is on the list and not this. What can I say, I told you I had bad taste.

Just Like a Pill (Pink) - The last cut from the list. I just really, really liked Pink, can you tell?

This is when I started to listen to the radio A LOT in my room, because my access to the family computer was restricted and radio was basically the only media I still had 100% access to and full control of. Which might explain why I suddenly liked a ton of pop music. Or maybe that year was simply really good. I guess it’s a mix of both.

Also, I still didn’t have a key to the appartment, but I was a lot less supervised when I was outside, and I would sometimes sneak out to go the library or to the disc store.

So... here’s some of the first singles I ever bought, for the record, and also because I think it’s fun to see all of them together.

They’re all on this list, just to clarify.

15 - I’m Gonna Getcha Good (Shania Twain)

US: Not on the list / FR: #67

Well, that was quick. So yeah, I loved this song. The accent meant I couldn’t understand half of the lyrics, but it was still a ton of fun and a delight every time it was on the radio.

14 - Wherever You Will Go (The Calling)

US: #5 / FR: #53

I didn’t love this song that much at the time and only put it on one tape, but it really grew on my over the years. Yeah, it’s your standard 2000s pop-rock song, objectively, but I don’t know. It didn’t have to go that hard with its metaphors. I mean the guy is ready to follow that person into hell and turn back time if necessary. I really don’t know. It shouldn’t work so well but it does for me. Maybe it’s because I’m very literal-minded.

13 - Le Chemin (Kyo ft. Sita)

US: Not on the list / FR: #55

Basically: A Ma Place by Axel Bauer & Zazie from the previous honorable mentions of 2001, except with half the amount of Hetero Drama(tm) and a pop-rock flavour to make it more palatable.

The first hit of a band it would very quickly be super cool to hate in my country (and I do mean very quickly, like a year or so) because everyone (including me, mind you) thought their lyrics were a bit too cringy even for pop-rock songs.

Doesn’t mean I didn’t buy the album and listened the shit out of it for like two years, though. The saddest part is that my favorite single from it by far, Je Cours (”I Run”), isn’t elligible for any list. Dammit.

12 - Murder On The Dancefloor (Sophie Ellis-Bextor)

US: Not on the list / FR: #26

This was a huge hit in Europe and somehow I thought it had reached the US, but apparently it didn’t. That’s a shame.

Also, overplay didn’t manage to kill it for me and that’s impressive.

11 - Complicated (Avril Lavigne)

US: #11 / FR: #83

Loved it, bought the single, loved it even more, and then one of my uncles sent me the album for christmas, and all was nice and good in the world.

For the record, I thought Sk8er Boi was one of the worst songs on the album (my favorite was My World), and I still dislike this particular song to this day, so this is why it’s nowhere to be found here.

10 - Don’t Let Me Get Me (Pink)

US: #36 / FR: Not on the list

You already know that because of the honorable mentions, but yeah, I loved Pink. This was the second album I decided I had to save money for months to acquire instead of just a single and which my parents would probably find acceptable. And this song is the best and it kicks some serious ass, on top of being full of self-loathing and extremely relatable at the time ("everyday I fight a war against the mirror, can't take the person staring back at me"? "I wanna be somebody else"?? Big, big dysphoria mood right there).

No regrets, baby.

9 - Hands Clean (Alanis Morissette)

US: #95 / FR: Not on the list

In just about every list I’ve made so far, there’s one song which makes me think “if I had better taste, this would be much higher”. This is one of these songs. Still love it, still put it on a tape and burned it on a cd. I found the cd in question again yesterday while making this list and it contains, in that exact order: Visage, Evanescence, Kyo, Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark, Talk Talk, Scatman John, Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Shania Twain, INXS, Freur, Alizée, Linkin Park and this exact song by Alanis Morissette. It’s a great little time-capsule of my debatable tastes.

8 - Die Another Day (Madonna)

US: Not on the list / FR: #86

This has the same kind of weird, disjointed beat as Music, but it sounds much more aggressive and sinister. This dropped right when I started to have real problems at school, so it’s a bit difficult for me to listen to it nowadays without having unpleasant flashbacks at the same time, which is why it’s so low on the list even though I listened to it on a loop back in the day. It might be a subpar James Bond theme, and might have dumb lyrics (god the Sigmund Freud line sdfghjhgfdfg), but on its own? It’s great.

Also I loved the music video. My mother, obviously, hated it, which only made me like it more, because, I mean, obviously it did. That’s how it works when you’re 14.

Speaking of which.

7 - Without Me (Eminem)

US: #21 / FR: #11

By that point, it was becoming pretty clear that I would never be able to buy the music I wanted if my parents disapproved of it, so I had to be sneaky and buy every, uh “debatable” single with a second more acceptable single to hide the first one. The one I bought alongside this one was a cover of Désenchantée, sung by Kate Ryan.

Success.

It is, in fact, less good than The Real Slim Shady, and I could only understand about one third of the lyrics, but still. I listened to it a loooooot. Because I actually had that single and not the other one which it was basically referencing to the point of self-parody. And just like the other one, I obviously don’t endorse all the lyrics, and the beat is great.

6 - All the Things She Said (Tatu)

US: Not on the list / FR: #12

Just like Die Another Day this one is a bit difficult to listen to nowadays for me but it’s a monster of a hit nonetheless. Have to say, though: I listened to Not Gonna Get Us even more, which means THAT one is even more linked to bad memories, to the point of basically being unlistenable because it triggers a literal fight-or-flight response with me. Not kidding in the slightest. Still love it though.

5 - J’ai Demandé à la Lune (Indochine)

US: Not on the list / FR: #4

This is one of my least favorite hit songs from Indochine. It’s still #5 on a list where I had to keep 15 entries instead of 10. This is because almost no other song I really really like from them will ever be elligible for these lists and if I can’t put a single Indochine song somewhere, especially from the Paradize album, I will have to punch a wall, dammit.

So here. Have the one in which the guy asks the moon if his significant other still loves him and where the moon answers “dude it’s not my problem”.

I love them and Paradize is an absolute monster of an album which rightfully made them relevant again, from new wave sensations of the 80s to favorite mainstream band for every young French punk/goth kid ever in the 2000s. This is not a diss, by the way, considering I was very clearly in that core demographic. Especially if you look at the top three I made for that year (and for the next one but let’s not get ahead of ourselves).

4 - A Thousand Miles (Vanessa Carlton)

US: #6 / FR: #51

Yeah yeah, you knew this was coming when you saw that pic of the first singles I bought, and you can start laughing now. I know it’s basically a meme now (and a good one, mind you), but sometimes, songs are remembered for more than one reason, and you have to admit that one is still great on its own. I listened to it SO. MUCH. Especially before everything started to go wrong for me that year, so basically this is the sound of “how things should have been”, and it’s so pleasant and nice to listen to it even today. It’s no longer on my mp3 player, but, no joke, I think it stayed on it from the day I bought my first mp3 player to something like 2017. Is it an indicator of quality or yet another indicator of my debatable taste? Probably both.

In any other year, there would be a clear #1 either towering above the other songs or just slightly ahead of the rest. 2002 was so good I can’t, for the life of me, decide which of these next three songs is the best one, even subjectively, in a “hey I like this one a little bit more” kind of way.

So I’m ranking the top 3 according to the lengths I went to to listen to each of these songs at the time.

Let’s go.

3 - C’est Une Belle Journée (Mylène Farmer)

US: Not on the list / FR: #46

This is what I’d call the Last Great Mylène Farmer Song. Oh she was still making music, pretty great music, in fact, after that. She’s still making decent stuff nowadays, from time to time. But in my opinion, it’s all downhill from there.

Still. This kickstarted my obsession with her at the time, because someone (I still have no idea who that was) was foolish enough to buy me the cd for Christmas. This is also why it’s #3 and not higher; I didn’t have to work at all to listen to it.

So... This is a song about killing yourself, disguised as a bouncy energetic pop tune. And it works horribly well. It’s very vaguely sinister but if you don’t listen to it very closely, it’s nearly impossible to notice what it’s actually about (translation here), and it charted super high and for a super long time without any controversy in its wake.

As I said: all downhill from there, because... how do you even top this?

2 - Lose Yourself (Eminem)

US: #63 / FR: Not on the list

You probably guessed this was coming. I’m not sure what the consensus for the “best Eminem hit song” is nowadays, but that one has to be pretty high on the list. And it’s also kind of a meme because of the spaghetti line, I know, but still, quality, man. The most important thing about it in the context of this list is that it was juuuuust slow enough to allow me to understand most of the important parts with my still-limited English, and I loved the little story it told. I remember trying to put it on a tape for days and waiting for it to pop up on the radio and instantly pressing Record after the first note.

And of course I wanted to see 8 Mile and I couldn’t, but a few months later, the local book/dvd/music store, which had screens broadcasting scenes from new stuff they were selling, had a screen with a few battle rap scenes from 8 Mile on it, and once I noticed I stood in front of the screen for a long time in silent admiration. What can I say, I was an angry little thing, and seeing angry people fighting each other in ways where no-one gets hurt was very satisfying and cathartic.

1 - In the End (Linkin Park)

US: #7 / FR: Not on the list

The music video had hilariously bad cgi even at the time, just to clarify. But yeah, that sound right there had the perfect balance of color, energy, sadness and anger to be the hit of the year for me back then. And I could understand nearly all the lyrics! I. Loved it. The local library had Hybrid Theory and I listened to it so. MUCH (my favorite song on it was actually One Step Closer (singing CAUSE I’M ONE-STEP-CLOSER-TO-THE-EDGE, ANDI’MABOUTTOBREAK felt great) and I thought Crawling was a bit embarrassing). Thank god that library didn’t have fines if you returned your stuff after the due date because I had to wait until I was able to make a copy of it first. The “parents-proof” “”cryptic”” label I wrote on said copy wasn’t particularly cryptic, though, and I’m gonna share it with you right now because that’s kind of funny.

So what do you do when you’re 14, pretty sure you understood the whole song, are finally able to listen to the whole album, burn it on a cd, and listen to it way too often? You write down the lyrics, painstakingly, with a fountain pen, in a small notebook where you try to write down the lyrics of every single song you love & can understand entirely. That’s what you do. Of course.

When I stopped doing that in 2007, there were two notebooks like that. I lost one of them, apparently, but the one I was able to find already had 63 songs in it. I finally had my own internet access later that year and I could find all the lyrics I wanted whenever I wanted, and I stopped doing that once and for all.

But it helped me get a lot better with English, so in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

So yeah, In the End?

Loved it and loved that band. I still do.

Next up: wow, “all edge no point”, uh?

[samsterham]

The Fuckening, Entry # 1

Despite the novel covid-19 being around for a pretty hot minute now, I have only been self-quarantined about 6 days. There have been several confirmed cases in my county, and today the county had it’s first death.

If it’s not apparent by the title, I’ve decided to officially from here on out refer to this entire debacle as The Fuckening. I will swear. A lot. 

I figure it might be somehow lucrative to record my experiences throughout the pandemic, at least as it is pertinent to my country & area. Aside from broader, more public events, it might be interesting to someday look back on my day to day & how we dealt & felt & what we did. I should have been keeping a diary of my life anyway & had intended to despite never making it a priority. Now is as good a time as any.

Anyhow, I anticipate this being a rather disjointed project, variable in moods, topics, formats, etc. & rife with grammatical errors. I haven’t decided how revealing of my identity & location I would like to be, I suppose that’s something I’ll decide as I go. All I’ll reveal for the moment is I live in the U.S. in Pennsylvania.

Recapping what I can right now:

I’m in about day 6 of self-quarantine. All schools have cancelled regular classes and have gone exclusively online, as has happened pretty much everywhere else. My community college also followed suit along with probably every college & university at this point. I’ve had a little over a week off for faculty & staff to prepare for the shift. Class resumes this upcoming wednesday online for the rest of the semester. Curious to how they’re going to structure & grade our biology lab credits. 

Bars & restaurants have been state-mandated to shut down except for take-out. Now the liquor stores have shut down as well. Somehow the beer distributor down the street is still open however...

Me & K (boyfriend) haven’t gone nuts with preparations, but we did have 1 significant shopping trip before the state officially began recommending social distancing. We got enough non-perishables for several weeks. We’ve made a couple mini trips for things like milk & fresh veggies. 

I also have a few immunocompromised friends who I’ve gone shopping for. I expect to continue doing so as needed. One such friend has a bitch of a rare disease which is frankly on the verge of killing her if she sneezes or coughs too hard. There is so, so much more to it than that, than I dare go into here for privacy reasons but I have spent the last month as one of her actual medical advocates. She is partly the reason I would like to focus my education and eventual clinical research on rare diseases such as hers. Anyhow, despite it being flat out unsafe, she was discharged from the hospital yesterday as my city prepares to get slammed with covid-19 cases.

Both my cats got a stomach bug just 2 days into self-quarantine. It began with Crowley puking, then what looked like bloody emesis & trip to the emergency vet. Sent home with stomach meds & instructions for supportive care before jumping into more than basic testing. He was fine within 36 hours, just in time for Aziraphale to become a little vom-bomb. This lasted for 3 days, with many debates as to when we should finally get her poor little fuzz butt medical attention. She thankfully healed on her own, just as I was about to break down & take her to the vet.

Not to make light of the fact that they were sick, but Zira’s throw-up noise is THE FUNNIEST sound I’ve ever heard in my life. It begins with that usual choppy but also deep guttural *hork hork hork* followed by a very abrupt & very loud  scream “rrRAAHH!” as things made their way up & out. I couldn’t help but kinda lose my shit as I pet her & cleaned up the mess. I’m probably going to hell for this.

Me & K have enjoyed spending more time together during quarantine. We have only had 3 friends over since, all being of our regular weekly crew of Sarah, Greg, & Amanda, & all of who are otherwise self-quarantined. Sarah & Amanda came over last Saturday, Sarah made “Quarantinis,” a goddamn delicious cocktail of vodka, lemon, honey, & crystalized ginger. Us girls & K got quaran-trashed, ate dinner together, played Cards Against Humanity, & watched Waking Ned Devine.

We have been making the FUCK outta some food. This is easily the healthiest we’ve eaten in a long time. Thank God we both can cook.

The weather has been fairly forgiving & the two of us have made efforts to get outside as much as possible while it’s nice. K works from home with some good flexibility & I was fired about a month before corona shit hit the fan. We’re enjoying the local parklette & the humongous cemetery in walking distance from us. 

Yesterday was mostly blustery & rainy, save for a 2 hour break in the weather where it was sunny and around 70 degrees. We trekked through said cemetery. As we were on our way out, we rounded the bend of one of the long paths, along the side of a large grassy hill. From that initial perspective of the hill, there was a large pile of indiscernible objects about halfway up the hill. As we came around, we noticed the pile was next to a grave very freshly covered in dirt. Upon closer inspection it became apparent that the “pile” was actually a man wrapped in blankets, with one arm stretched over the dirt of the grave. On the road at the bottom of the hill was what I assumed to be his car. I don’t know who he was, I don’t know who he lost, but they’re burned into my memory forever. It was one of those sights that breaks your entire heart. I cried a little & held K’s hand a little tighter as we made our way toward the gate. K kissed the top of my head & gave me a loving squeeze.

 I didn’t get fired over anything serious; my chronic migraines plus a personal failure to obtain intermittent FMLA in a timely manner resulted in termination. My bosses didn’t want to let me go, but you can only fight HR of a corporate health system so much. Oh well. I wasn’t happy there anymore anyway. After 3 years I was bored, having trained up as much as possible without my degree. Some toxic personalities made their way onto our floor staff in the last year which made some shifts absolute hell despite my efforts to avoid them & remain utterly professional. Aside from running out of money, I’ve been incredibly relaxed since being let go. I’ve even lost 4 pounds in the last month. My hair is currently a weird ginger-pink, the result of a failed self bleach job, but it’s not entirely embarrassing so I’m going to let it recover before I try it again & go teal.

I never got around to watching Breaking Bad when it was popular, but last night I finally saw the first episode. K has seen it before, it’s one of his favorite tv shows & he’s ecstatic to watch it together. One episode legit got me hooked already. I know the premise of the show & I can’t wait to see how it pans out.

The political fuckery around this has been.... ugh. I wanted to say “staggeringly defunct” but what else is there to be expected from this current administration? I have designed most of my tumblr to be apolitical but that will change with these specific entries. I’m politically outspoken on Facebook & Twitter & I wanted one or two platforms that could just be fun and neutral. My current politics are very leftist, a head-spinning 180 degree turn from my upbringing & early voting habits. The last four years have sent me purposefully, intentionally & determinedly headlong into the progressive movement, feminism, and hunger for democratic socialism. The only conservative thing left about me is my stubborn remaining infatuation with firearms & gratitude for the 2A. Counterintuitively I’m very pro-sensible gun control, but having the discussion with either side of the issue mostly leaves me wanting to knock heads together. 

I digress, the administration’s response to the pandemic has been unsurprisingly subpar, yet somehow not as awful as I expected. Trump went from “not a big deal” & “liberal media hoax” to “oh shit, I actually better get my shit together for this” real quick. I don’t know if it’s because it’s an election year or if there’s actually a shred of competency that’s been hiding under the comb-over but I’ll take what we can get from him, including that $1000 check. Getting unemployment has been a bitch. None of this however, changes the fact that Republicans have known about the crisis since December & instead of preparing the public, decided insider trading was a better idea. This doesn’t change the fact that the DOJ is trying to invoke indefinite detention as a “crisis response” and the only thing standing in the way are House Democrats. And it doesn’t change the fact that our hospital system is overloaded & underfunded, and the Republican controlled government would still rather bail out large corporations as we plunge into an inevitable recession. 

I’ve spent too much energy fighting ignorant shit sticks on the internet over all this, including people I know in real life. I gotta keep remembering that all I can do is my best, that you can’t change the world but you can make a dent. On that note, I finally introduced K to Danny DeVito’s cinematic masterpiece Death To Smoochy.

Today I finished reading Darker Than Amber by John D. MacDonald. Quick, fun read, definitely a product of it's time.

That’s all I have in me for today. My neck hurts. Sleep sweet and WASH YOUR FILTHY PAWS.