#it may well be something more on my end in terms of how my computer reads/stores the temp files

[vespertine-legacy]

lol 7.2 patch hit me harder than any previous patch/update in terms of the “resetting preferences to factory default” bug that the devs seem to refuse to acknowledge? We’re so sorry you’re having this problem, let us make it better by having it impact more of your settings

[jamethinks]

One type of fanfic i just cannot read is future Anya fics because they always get her wrong. And i get it this is just how future fics work but i feel it's important to remember that Anya is only the way she is currently because she is a child and to me on of the most important parts of the story is how much being adopted by Twilight changed her life and put her on the trajectory for growth that she otherwise would have been denied.

Anya is only stupid today. She is going to grow into a brilliant girl regardless of what happens. It always feels so regressive seeing her be portrayed as childish and clueless even after living with a spy and attending Eden for 10+ years.

To understand why Anya is going to become smart you have to understand why she is stupid first.

(note: i am not referring to academic intellect but rather social skills, logic, reasoning and general awareness. Whether or not Anya spends the rest of her life failing maths and writing like she's having a stroke is beyond me and completely irrelevant to my point)

One of the major issues with the computer science world is AI and Data Analytics because for decades people have been pouring time and money into developing these sophisticated computers that are able to accurately emulate the human mind and intelligence to be used in automation and data processing. They’re now left with 2 issues: Big data (so much unprocessed data that has been gathered and sat uninterpreted) and human-dependent AI (AI systems that are overly reliant on human interaction they become more of a hassle than an aid). In other words the computers are very smart but they just don’t know what to do with all the information and in the end just return garbage.

Anya has a similar dilemma. She is very capable. Her mind reading abilities enable her to gather information like no other the problem is she doesn’t actually know how to use that information in a meaningful way. Throughout the manga we see her attempting (and even succeeding) to use her powers for her own advantage. But because of her age and lack of education the ways she can use her powers are limited.

Anya shows great attention to detail and clearly has good hindsight. She’s somewhat reactive but it’s obvious she still considers what impact her actions may have in the long term, she’s always trying to make the best move she just doesn’t know that many moves and her imagination is juvenile. We regular see Anya trying to gain intel on Damian so that she can use it to get closer to him and progress on plan B.

One example is with the dogs, she thinks if Damian sees she has a dog that they will have something to talk about and hopefully he’ll want to spend more time with her. The problems comes with Anya’s thinking and it hinders her approach. Rather than view it as an opportunity to find commonality she sees at a chance to impress him, and in the end it fails because Damian sees her as just trying to brag and show off rather than trying to make a genuine connection. Anya acts this way because she’s 5 and doesn’t really know how to socialize or relate to people.

In this situation she had two important pieces of information: 1) Damian has a dog that he likes and 2) Damian struggles with making friends and thinks everyone is just trying to exploit him. It’s that second part she fumbles and ends up making Damian feel even more guarded around her. She doesn’t have the fully developed emotional intelligence to understand and relate with Damian in a way that’s actually beneficial. But the thing is she can learn.

And so when you write future fics of Anya and she’s still the same erratic braggadocios little girl you’re effectively overlooking on her best traits, her awareness. Anya isn’t stupid she just doesn’t know how to be smart and that’s what makes her act so stupid.

For me, when writing future Anya, I think of all the people in her life, their specific skills and strengths and how Anya can use those to become a better more well rounded person. Specifically, Twilight and Handler. The Handler thing is more of a hc but Twilight has shown interest in Anya beyond the mission.

One of my favourite scenes is when they’re looking out the window and he asks to try and guess which person so most likely to be a spy, she assumes it’s the person who looks the strangest but he explains that a good spy is able to blend it and stand out the least. This changes Anya’s understanding of human behavior, it teaches a good trick to going unnoticed and gives her a detail to look out for when trying to find a mole/spy. It’s a small moment but it provides a lot of information that she can use later on in her life. Although nothing like that really happens again we can assume he continues to give her little tidbits of advice and information on espionage work as well as her seeing him in action (not really in a mission but just the way he operates) will teach her how to interpret situations in a way that can actually help her.

So not only does Anya have access to a lot of information, she knows the value of the information and she’s learning how to use that information. And that’s why I’m always confused when people write her in the future and she still can’t figure out that Damian likes her. ITS NOT REALISTIC.

And I’m not saying she’s gonna become all cool and suave when she grows up. I don’t think her personality is going to change much. In fact I think she’s going to deliberately avoid changing her personality, or at least her public persona. Anya will use people’s perception of her as childish and stupid to make herself less suspicious and trustworthy. (Also I don’t think she’s gonna change that much anyways bc that’s not how people work) but when thinking for her perspective she’s gonna be more aware and observant.

This rant is gotta long and it’s kinda nonsensical so I’m gonna stop here but please stop writing Anya as a stupid adult. It’s annoying and so boring.

But in the end it’s your fanfic do what you want 🥰❤️

[sandwitchstories]

Stress Relief

It's time for some more of Witch's smutty brain rot about Kyojuro Regoku! I can't help it lol These are the thoughts that have been going through my mind all week as I drown in meetings that should be emails.

Summary: Stuck in a remote meeting and have to miss your dinner plans? Never fear, Kyojuro knows just what to do to sate his hunger and lift up your spirits.

If you prefer to read on AO3, please click here!

(formerly titled Red String Of Fate)

WC: 2500+

CW: MDNI, Smut, reader is AFAB, AFAB terms used to describe reader's sexy bits, cunnilingus, blow job, it's filthy smut. lol Please click the AO3 link if you would like a more thorough list of CW.

The sound of the front door opening and closing made you glance at the time on the computer for the first time in… all day. 5:27pm. Shit. You and Kyojuro had plans to check out the new revolving sushi restaurant that had just opened down the street. You were supposed to have been off at 5 to be ready to go by 5:30, yet here you were with no end in sight.

You puffed up your cheeks and let out a slow breath, listening to one of the other attendants of the Teams hell you were trapped in drone on and on. Glad you were not on camera because you probably would have gotten fired for how many times you had face palmed during this presentation. 

Kyojuro came into the office and you flashed him an apologetic smile, pointing at your headphones and then the screen. You put a finger gun to your head pretending to pull the trigger and making a funny face at him with your tongue sticking out in mock ‘death.’ He chuckled and moved closer, bending down to cup your cheek and give you a gentle kiss.

“Going to be much longer?” he asked, kissing you one more time before straightening up.

“No clue… there’s still 3 more people presenting for different parts of this project. I don’t wanna be a grown up any more,” you dramatically whined.

“Poor thing,” he said, leaning down to cup the back of your head and kiss your forehead. “I’m going to get changed.”

“Okay,” you nodded, watching him walk away, frowning. You knew he was not mad. Just like you never got mad when he had to put in extra time at the school. You both had demanding jobs and were dedicated to your chosen paths. 

Still, you felt guilty as you knew he had been looking forward to this all day. So much so that he had sent texts throughout the day with screen shots of their menu items and his opinions on which ones you both should try. Trying new restaurants was one of your favorite things to do together. Everything was an adventure and experience when you were together. And you needed that so badly right now. Work was sucking the will to live out of you. 

You turned back to the screen, unmuting your mic to give your input when asked. You explained the benefits and the risks involved with the ideas presented so far. You voiced your concerns and answered questions as well. You put yourself back on mute and slumped back in your chair. 

Number 3 began his part of the spiel and you glanced at the clock again. 6:02pm. 2 more to go. If this mother fucker would start focusing more on work and less on pitiful attempts at humor, you may still be able to make it to the restaurant before it closed! You clasped your hands and said a little prayer to any deity listening that these people had lives they really wanted to get back to as well.

Unfortunately it would seem the Gods had abandoned you. Every. Single. One. It was now 7:03pm, Kyojuro had come in twice to check in, and there was still one more presenter to go. You wanted to punch your monitor and take a hammer to your laptop.  Why was life so cruel? You were hungry, tired, frustrated and just… over it. 

You stared at the ceiling as the last presenter began to speak. You put your head in your ands and groaned. This man… could not possibly speak slower. Was this some cruel cosmic joke? Some… delayed karma for something you couldn’t even remember doing? 

You picked up your phone to message Kyojuro only to have him come through the door, obviously on the same wave length. You gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry. This is the last one now.”

“It is not your fault, I am not mad,” he smiled, giving you a gentle kiss. “How much longer do you think you will be? I will start looking for places still open, I do not feel like cooking and you look like you’ve had enough today.”

“So much so… but… Can we order in and watch tv instead?” you asked, not in the mood to go out anymore but agreeing with him that having to cook sounded like punishment right now.

“That… sounds wonderful, love. Works out better. We can try the sushi place this weekend and find something to do after. I’ll order some pizza and wings,” he said, placing another quick kiss on your lips before heading off to accomplish his task. 

You smiled after him. You had no idea what you had ever gotten right enough in your life to deserve such a wonderful other half. You would forever be grateful to the universe that it was Kyojuro Rengoku at the other end of your red thread of fate.

You turned back to the computer, a little relieved that sustenance would be coming soon and you did not have to leave your house. Maybe you could even convince Kyojuro to eat and watch TV naked in bed. That sounded like heaven. You just had to survive this Teams circle of hell.

A short time later Kyojuro came into your office, leaning against your desk. “About an hour for delivery.”

“Okay, thank you,” you gave him a thumbs up. “Even if this guy is not done in an hour, I’m done.”

He nodded, glancing at the screen. “No cameras today?”

“Nope, no cameras and on mute until spoken to so I am not accidentally heard speaking my mind,” you sat back in your chair, looking up at him. Gods, even in his sweats the man was so fucking hot. 

“Hmmmm, I see,” he rested his head on his hand in a thinking position. He muttered, as if speaking to himself, “Well, then that settles it.”

“What settles what?” you asked, arching an eyebrow up at your husband, curious about what was going through his beautiful mind.

“I am hungry now,” he stated, pushing your chair back a bit farther from your desk.

“Okay, and I need to be further back here because?”

He gave you what could only be described as an absolutely wicked grin. He leaned over you, bracing his hands on the arms of your computer chair. “Because, I am going to have my dessert first.”

“Wh-” 

He cut you off with a kiss. “Pay attention to your meeting. Don’t mind me.”

You jumped as you heard your name called in the meeting, fumbling for a moment with the mute button on your mic before getting it on and giving a generic answer as you gave your husband the stink eye. You had not heard a single word said in the last few minutes.

The Teams window flashing colors caught your attention as the presenter shared his screen. Dammit, you needed to actually pay attention now. 

Kyojuro glanced at the screen before adjusting your chair to be against the cold wood but turned to face away sideways from the desk. You could easily turn your head,  see the screen and reach your mouse. But what was he thinking?

You tried to keep your focus on the screen to the right of you, but in front of you your husband was getting on his knees. He leaned forward, his fingers gripping over the top of both your panties and leggings at the same time. He gave them a little tug and arched a prominent eyebrow at you, the gesture both asking if you wanted to proceed and making it abundantly clear that the dirty thoughts that had begun to form in the back of your mind were indeed the same as his intentions. 

You looked at him and made up your mind in an instant. You bit your lip as you lifted your hips a little off the chair. He grinned and got back to work. 

The second your bare butt was against the seat of the chair your name was called in the meeting. You quickly glanced at what was on the screen and formulated a reply. You said a quick prayer that your voice sounded the same as always.

He pressed your legs together and kissed up the seam between your thighs-  from your knees up your thighs to your hips, placing a tender kiss on your lower stomach before his hand slid up to the low cut collar of your tank top and pulled it under your tits, putting them at the mercy of his calloused fingers. He gave you a cheshire grin before pinching and pulling on your nipples until you covered your mouth with the back of your hand. 

“Good girl,” he whispered against the skin of your belly.

The Teams meeting  might as well be white noise because 5 minutes have passed and you haven’t heard a single word. You are way too transfixed on the sight between your legs. Kyojuro now has both of your legs thrown over his broad shoulders, muscular shoulders and is mouthing at your thigh thisclose  you where you really want his mouth. 

He locks eyes with you. Your jaw hangs open slightly as he gives you a wicked smile before dragging his tongue between your folds. You quickly check that you are muted before you let out a shaky breath. He drags his tongue from the bottom over your slit up to the small bundle of nerves hidden from all eyes but his. He expertly circles your clit lazily, twice making a figure 8. His tongue is teasing your dripping hole when your name is called. 

You swear before you glance at the screen, relieved to see this is the final wrap up. Unfortunately that means a few minutes unmuted. 

“I’m going to be unmuted for a few minutes. We’re almost done,” you say quickly before joining the conversation.

The menace between your legs pauses, his tongue now just teasing your hole, his fingers digging into your hips a little harder. You see the look in his eyes. You feel yourself getting even wetter thinking about how hard he must be right now and that his big fat cock is all for you. 

He wiggles his tongue and arches eyebrow, thankfully pulling you from your ‘loading screen’  and asking if he should continue. 

You bite your lip quickly for a split second and then you’re keeping eye contact with Kyouro as you start to speak to your boss about setting up a meeting and simultaneously thread your hand in his loose locks, pulling his head closer to your cunt, wanting more, needing more.

You say goodbye and exit the meeting and Teams faster than you ever have before, flinging your headphones to the side. You double check you are no longer in the meeting and then let your full focus shift to the love of your life currently tongue fucking you now that he did not need to worry about how riled up he got you. 

You moan and sweat, burying your other hand in his hair as well, spreading your knees as wide as you possibly can, giving him access to anything and everything. One of his hands moves from your hip up your body to your mouth. The second your lips part he puts two fingers in. Your mouth automatically sucks them in. Your tongue weaving swirls around and in between, lathering it up with spit. 

You threw your head back and closed your eyes, crying out in bliss when those two spit slicked fingers moved up and down your slit before plunging inside. You were extra sensitive from how turned on you had gotten by his antics, and it was not going to take much to push you over.

Kyojuro added a third finger and switched to sucking harder at your clit while flicking his tongue back and forth. You fell apart, calling out his name and holding his head close, fluttering around and riding on his hungry mouth and strong hand. Your essence was coating his fingers, mouth and chin as well as the chair beneath you and you couldn't care less about the fabric. 

Kyojuro kisses both of your thighs gently, his fingers moving far slower than before as he worked you through your blissful haze. He smiled when your eyes finally met his gaze again. “There’s my girl. Feeling any better, my love?”

“So much!” you chuckled and ran your fingers through his hair. “May I return the favor, my flame?”

He glanced at his watch. “We have maybe 30 minutes.”

“Well, stand up,” you told him. You moved your legs off his shoulders, wincing briefly at the feeling of your hips unlocking from the position he had had them in. 

He pulled his fingers from your soaked pussy, pressing one more kiss to your mound before standing and sucking his fingers clean as he rose. And that sight only made you hornier. He leaned over you, smiling and kissing you more passionately than he had yet. 

His hands were on the arms of your office chair. “What next, my love?”

You grinned and pressed back on his chest until he was standing. You pressed the lever of your chair and dropped to the lowest setting. Your hands pulled down his pants and boxer briefs down to his midthigh. 

You locked your eyes on him. “Next, I have my share of the appetizers.”

You stroked and sucked on his cock, loving every inch of it and lathering it in spit. His cock was thick and long. You needed extra spit so you didn’t hurt yourself. And it just so happened that Kyojuro liked a sloppy blow job. His hands were threaded in your hair, holding the back of your head and guiding you up and down his cock. Your hands had taken residency on the sides of his, sexy as fuck thick, muscular thighs. Your nails were digging into his skin, leaving red crescents in their wake. 

He praised you with one hand gently brushing hair back out of your face while the other helped you keep rhythm. You looked up at him as you moved your hand to cup and gently squeeze on his sack. 

Kyojuro let out a delicious moan and started thrusting a little hard. Again… same reaction. A third time? You never did learn the easy way and before you knew it you were moaning as he fucking ino your throat. He was being cautious of how hard he was going, never wanting to hurt you, but he damn sure was feeling a bit… well feral, he supposed. 

Then you did something with your tongue on accident and it sent him into his sprint for the orgasm finish line. He called out your name as he held your head against him, cumming deep in your throat. He encouraged you not to waste a drop, and praised you when nothing remained on his cock by the time you released it from your mouth. 

He tucked himself back in his pants while you fixed your clothing. As soon as you stood up he wrapped you in his arms. You turned your face up for his kisses. 

You wrapped your arms around his waist and pulled him as close as you could. “I love you.”

He cupped your face and gave you that smile that melted your very being before kissing you back, slowly. He rested your heads together and replied,  “And I love you.”

[jrow]

May Prompts (29)

Day 28 here. Start from the beginning here. Day 30 here.

Hero

John Watson is nothing short of a hero.

Doctor. Writer. Veteran.

He will solve your murder, but it takes John Watson to save your life.

He is not a hero.

Junkie. Sociopath. Freak.

That John would choose him for a friend is unfathomable. That John could want more, entirely out of the realm of possibility.

It does not compute. It cannot have happened.

Currently, John is looking at him, concern etched on his features.

“Are you okay, Sherlock? You fainted.”

“No, that doesn’t seem right.”

The worry on John’s face morphs into a smile. “Who’s the doctor here?”

He furrows his brow. Perhaps he did faint. Perhaps he hit his head. Perhaps that’s why he hallucinated the conversation with John. But then he sees the gift. “You gave me a Yamaha SV250. And a case decorated with Rosie’s handprint.”

“Err … yes? I mean yes, I did.”

“That doesn’t seem right. Because that means you want to move back. With Rosie.”

The smile gets bigger. “Yes.”

“And this would entail sleeping in my bed. With me. Presumably.”

“Presumably.” And now John looks like the cat that got the canary.

“And I fainted?”

“When I tell everyone the story later, I may use the term swoon.”

His eyes snap to John’s. “You want to tell everyone?”

John’s smile softens. “Yeah, quite badly, actually. I want to move in. I want to sleep in your bed. And I want to tell everyone. Not that anyone will be all that surprised.”

None of this makes sense. “But you … you are … you’re a war hero!” he sputters.

John knits his brow. “I don’t think that’s true and I don’t see how it’d be relevant even if it was.”

“Of course it’s relevant!” he says, sitting up. “War heroes don’t raise families with sociopaths!”

John sighs fondly, reaching out and touching his arm. “It’s a good thing you aren’t a sociopath then.” A pause. “You know, I was just thinking how beautiful protagonists don’t usually end up with minor side characters.”

He scoffs. John can be such a fool sometimes. “I am the not the protagonist, John. I wasn’t even in the story until you came along.”

John chuckles and stands, before reaching out a hand to help him up. “ Well, I am certainly not the protagonist. So who does that leave?”

They both reflexively look up when they hear the sound of tiny feet hitting the ground. A couple seconds later comes the loud squeak of the upstairs door.

“Lock, play!” Rosie yells at the top of her lungs. The speed at which that girl can go from fast asleep to boundless energy is staggering.

John sighs and looks at his watch. “Right on schedule, I suppose. Busy day means short nap.”

“You go lie down, I am the one being summoned,” he says. Despite his fainting/swooning a moment ago, John is the one who needs to rest. He coughs and feels heat rising in his cheeks. “Lie down in … our bed?”

John looks at him with an expression that can only be described as adoration. “Okay, but can I make one request before you go see to the princess upstairs?”

He nods, slowly. Fairly certain, and fairly terrified, of what’s coming.

“Can I kiss you now?”

He nods again. And then, without hesitation, John kisses him. It’s slow and soft and like he’s something precious. And it is terrifying, but in the best possible way.

He’s still not 100% sure this isn’t a hallucination.

He closes his eyes and returns the kiss.

John Watson is nothing short of a hero.

@keirgreeneyes @raina-at @totallysilvergirl @meetinginsamarra @jolieblack @phoenix27884 @friday411 @calaisreno @lisbeth-kk @safedistancefrombeingsmart @momma2boys @helloliriels @dapetty @quimerasyutopias

[knightyoomyoui]

Jihyo x M/F Reader - "Just A Feeling"

This book makes a return today! For this oneshot, I'm sorry if this one may be complicated to read since I didn't make any outline for it and kind of... weird to read too, especially for female readers out there. This one is actually intended to be only for male readers because I think the plot of this suits them better since the story came from my perspective as a guy and from a real-life experience I'm currently going through. Don't worry though, I still tried my best to make this applicable to everybody since I made some changes to make it gender neutral, plus there's opinions from some various featured female K-Pop idols as my characters that portray my real-life classmates here, which female readers might relate to. So yeah, basically what you're about to read here is based on a true story (except starting from the climax until the end, which I just made up from my imagination since I haven't confessed yet lol.) about my huge crush with this one genuine girl from our class. And oh, I've said it already that it's not gonna be a fluff right? It's not gonna be a tearjerker though but for the softies there, this might hurt. Don't worry though, I'm going to write a one-shot special on weekend that relies more on fluff. Finally saw something that inspired me to write, that's why. Heh.

I was eating in our cafeteria along with my circle of friends in our room, talking about—well, guess what—sex education. We were trying our best to remain open-minded about the topic. Honestly, I don’t even have any idea why we would insert this topic to arrange a conversation in the middle of the public.

I know that these things should be taken seriously because they provide knowledge on how to establish a healthy sexual life in the future, but I just couldn’t help but feel a bit ashamed. Well, I wouldn’t be if only these girls would just lower their mouths whenever they'd ask or mention a term, especially when it’s too silly to hear.

I was afraid that others might hear us and lose appetite because of what we were discussing. I already made my move, providing a question pertaining to my curiosity and thankfully they answered me with the expected answer I wanted to know. That’s why I moved my head and roamed my eyes around to distract myself away from them since I don’t really find their current discussion interesting to me.

Looking around, there are many students along with us doing their own business mindfully. Eating together or alone in their respective spots and typing on the computer or writing notes as they review for their subject while on a break. Each was from different courses and grade levels, and of course we wouldn’t be the exception.

Some of our classmates too were on the another table, with them being formed together into their own circle they belong in. That is, until my eyes landed on her again as I check upon them. The girl with sharp jawline, boyish wild haircut, adorable with a touch of chic aura in her visual, and those big eyes I couldn’t avoid but to get sucked in whenever I get to be in contact with those shimmering pairs of hers.

The name of the girl I’m describing with much creativity and detail is Park Jihyo. She’s currently one of our brightest students in our class. If I’ll compare myself to her, well my intelligence is pretty below average and subpar to her attributes.

Whenever I glanced at her, I couldn’t help but pause and take a short time to admire what my sight was displaying for me. Just like today, she has that serious expression that I find both intimidating and… hot? Yeah, yeah, fine, you got me. I do think of her sometimes as a dominant or possessive girlfriend who loves to claim and tease, and I do get a bit intense and aroused just by thinking about it, especially when it fits her a lot along with her lean figure.

Damn it, you wouldn’t blame me. She literally is the embodiment of a girl crush that others would kneel on their knees for her. I may have not saw somebody like that, but oh I can’t just deny those words I’ve heard from the girls and guys on my room simping for her.

Setting aside to those qualities, I’ll make it plain and simple that she’s that beautiful in my eyes. I don’t care if I’m falling in love to a boisterous and fiery tomboy like Jihyo. Deep inside of that cool and boyish appearance of hers, I couldn’t count how many times I’ve encountered that soft girly demeanor she was hiding. That time when she squealed and raised both her fists in the air while looking appalled as the volleyball almost hit her face during our class in physical education would be my favorite.

She smiled again and laughed at whatever they were talking about, which is effectively contagious. She has that much effect on me already. Whenever her mood is, will be the same as mine. Guess I could say that’s how I could tell that I’m highly attached on her now.

I was so busy complimenting and being in awe of her that I almost responded too late when I saw Jihyo start to move her eyes around, and she went in the direction I was in. Just a little angle she shifted, and she would’ve caught my eyes staring at her, looking like it was attempting to hallucinate and connect to mine too.

But I was too weak for that, as always. I’m always weak for her. I pretend I didn’t just went to their side and busy admiring her as I returned to my friend’s discussion while my peripheral vision has unknown whether she felt like someone was stalking at her or as usual, nothing.

2 days later, we were waiting for the Calculus class to end because our professor has left us for some numerous problems to solve on the board and use it as an advantage to increase our points in recitation. He definitely might’ve went again to the mall and go eat samgyupsal again with his officemates at the faculty room that’s why we know we already have the freedom to be noisy and indulge on those differential equation as much as we want.

Our professor is busy grilling meat and stuffing wagyu meat in his mouth while us as his students were busy grilling our minds and stuffing numbers across the board.

While I was confidently sitting on my chair just watching my classmates go berserk on dribbling equations of their own since I already had my turn to have a recitation point, my female classmate named Miyeon invited me for a chat with her because mainly she’s bored.

We did chatter for any laughable random topics for like 10 minutes until I heard her enter a question that had me locked in on my seat.

“Say, YN. I noticed that you had shared so many sad posts about romance these days on Facebook. Are you heartbroken?” She asked me.

“Uhh… that? W-well, I just like those kind of posts. Nothing much.” I smiled fakely at her.

“You sure?” She stared at me. I just nodded and awkwardly removed my gaze at her as I act like I was trying to keep myself busy on my notes.

“You have a crush on someone, don’t you?”

I slowly turned around and my stupid self chose to rose my brows making myself shocked rather than meeting itself and show some confusion. Now I’m busted.

“H-how can you say so?”

“Wouldn’t most of the people around social media does that whenever they admire somebody and they just left to be… unwanted back?” She shared. “I’ve been through that, that’s why I know.”

I remained silent as I sighed. I glanced at Jihyo again, she was being recorded now by one of our close friends in the room as she explains the solution she wrote on the board. That’s what our professor instructed us to do so that he can acknowledge our points, is to sent him our video that we’re tackling about the equation we answered.

“There is, huh.” She confirmed. I was being too obvious already so with defeat, I just let her expose me more. “She’s in our class isn’t it?”

My eyes widened. My body trembled as she already made another guess but a more accurate one this time. Miyeon seems to be an observative type of person, and more untrained and horrible attempts of pretending that I contradict her guesses would just make me look dumber in front of her.

I sighed and chuckled at myself from getting caught. “Yeah. She is.”

“Woah!” She exclaimed. “So YN here also has a crush of his/her own here huh!” She teased me as she referred to me being another addition to those established “couples” in our room. Most of them were now officially together and others, well I don’t know but mostly I’ve learned these days that they already confessed and sadly, they were rejected but still remains to be a tough lover for them.

“Who’s your crush then?” I shushed her with my gesture, as there’s our classmates still sitting in front of us and they might hear us. I don’t want tk get humiliated more just by being put into a hot seat getting confronted who’s the girl i’m into these days.

“D-do you want me to give you a clue?” I asked, I wanted to play a game with her first she already caught me easily, now I want to test her this time.

“Oh sure, what is it?”

“Okay, hmm….” I hummed but I didn’t think that much because i already knew what I would give to her. “She’s a person.”

“Luh.” She reacted and whined. “Cmon, be serious!”

I just laughed at her befuddled response and think again, with all seriousness this time. “Okay, fine. She’s a social butterfly.”

“Ooohhh social butterfly…” Miyeon started to think. “There’s so many classmates of ours that are giddy to get close with others. Is it Jiyeon?”

“Nope. 19 left.” I said, crossing out one from the list of number of girls in our room.

“Aaaahhhh!” She screamed but jokingly, already panicking at just one guess. “Whooo?”

“Try more!”

“Aish, is it Julie?”

“Nope.”

“Ehhh?” She scratched her nape. “Next clue!”

“Okay fine, I’ll give you just three okay?” She nodded and readjusted her posture on her seat, she seemed very invested on knowing who my crush is. “The second one is… she’s smart.”

“Smart…” she began thinking again. “But most of us here are very good at anything.”

I smirked, feeling satisfied that I gave a mysterious clue for her more. “Is it Mina?”

“Nah.” I shook my head, but I admit in my thoughts that i almost fell for Mina once like back when we were freshman.

“Danielle?!” Miyeon’s eyes brightened as she thought she finally achieved the right answer. I shook my head and gave her an apologetic look, which shuts off the spark in her eyes instantly.

Miyeon pouted and lets out an even struggling look at me. “I’m starting to run out of ideas!”

“Miyeon you’ve only told me like… 5 of our classmates so far.”

“Fire the last clue!”

“Okay. The last one is that… you probably won’t expect her to be my crush.”

Her eyebrows lifted and hummed fascinatingly at me. “That just made things interesting. Won’t expect to be your crush? So it means it’s not actually your type but you just seem to get a liking on that person?”

“Hmm maybe?”

“Wait…” she paused that lasted a little bit longer than just few seconds. Her head raised and I wondered why her eyes softened as she slowly looked at me and pushed her head closer.

“What? You got the answer now?”

“YN… is it me?” Miyeon asked. She was staring at me with pure seriousness and jaw hanging slightly in surprise. I gasped as I was shocked at her answer. I know that she’s one of the girls around who is also pretty but still I didn’t expect that it really came out of her mouth, that she also considered herself too.

“N-no! It’s not you and Miyeon, you already have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah.” She agreed, understandably took my reason well. “But… it’s just a crush though, so…”

“Still no. I don’t fall in love to women who are already taken. I respect relationships and I don’t want to create conflicts for other people. Although, I admit that you’re beautiful.” I smiled at her. She returned the same and pushed my shoulder. “Wow, just like that huh?”

“I don’t know, you sound like you were urging me to say something nice to you atleast.”

“I wasn’t! B-but that doesn’t mean I won’t take your compliment at me.” She giggled. “Anyways, I pass. Cmon tell me who it is!”

I exhaled. To be fair, I wasn’t really up for sharing this with anybody. It’s not that I don’t want anybody to know because I don’t trust them, but I’m doing this rather to avoid the possibility that she may learn more about what I really feel for her from other people. I just want to be a complete secret admirer of her.

However, since I was already cornered by Miyeon, it seems like my plans have to undergo some changes. I feel a bit of pity for this girl because she has shared some of her stories with me, and I listened and kept them all to myself, just like she wanted to. Thatimplies that she views me as someone she can trust.

That’s why I felt obligated that I had to treat her in the same manner. I mean, Miyeon is one of the girls in our class that I find really pure and mature and who knows how to blend well when having fun with other people.

“Fine. You know I never really intended to tell this to others because for some reasons, I don’t want anybody to tease me, accidentally become obvious, or make others bother with what I’m facing at right now… but I do trust you Miyeon, you know that. And please let’s keep it to ourselves okay?”

“Oh don’t worry about me.” Miyeon then bounced on her seat with a large grin. “I’m so excited to know!”

“W-well… the girl that I’m-”

“What are you two up to?” My other classmate interrupted our conversation, looking at us as she twirled her body on the chair to go back and forth at us. I was surprised that we’re like able to be caught despite our distances being one vacant row from each other. Our voices aren’t even that loud.

Miyeon and I exchanged glances and she was controlling her laughter as she saw me looking nervous. “W-we’re just playing a game! He’s trying to make me identify who is-”

“Aahhhh wait, I think I know what you two are talking about.” Her eyes then shrinked and it went towards me who is blushing. She smirked and find my current state hilarious. “I’ve been seeing something about this one eh. I think I know who may that be.”

Both Miyeon and I were eager to know, especially me who is heavily related to the one she was talking about. About our conversation with Miyeon, she finally learn who that is and she was amused to know that she agrees at the clues I gave to her. She really didn’t expected that I’ll be admiring somebody like Jihyo and commented that it wasn’t visible to me all these time. She couldn’t blame me though for having a crush with Jihyo, as she revealed that she’s bisexual and she once had a crush on her too before she met her boyfriend.

Meanwhile, about our other classmate who is holding a thought that shares my secret. I wanted to know about it. Thankfully, both of us were walking home together since Nako which is her name, lives almost close to our neighborhood.

We were riding on a bus and we talked about what she said earlier. I had no choice but to reveal to her since I already did it to Miyeon and it’s going to be unfair if I don’t do it for her too. She might feel offended that I rather not to disclose it to her.

She learned and she laughed so hard that she was actually right which had me speechless. She found it interesting too just like Miyeon that I got to be in love with someone like Jihyo. Me on the other hand, has a huge “How?” question displayed on my head.

She only replied that it’s her guts that is telling her and even her didn’t expected that she would got it correct. What she said though did had me find it difficult to maintain my smile. “But really, for me I don’t see Jihyo being attracted to a guy/girl. It’s more possible that she’s rather into girls because of her looks, but she did told me one time what does she think of her gender and she only told me that it’s complicated. Will it still going to be okay for you knowing that your rivals when it comes to her were all female/male?”

She shared to me her observation and I got it immediately what her basis for that. I suddenly had Jihyo on my mind along with her tomboy look that can make girls crazy and gay for her. “I don’t know, I don’t mind it that much. They can all admire her for whatever they want. What matters to me more is Jihyo. Only her.” I just said nonchalantly to her, which she find a bit suspicious why I care less about it.

Whether by coincidence or not, more and more days have passed, and my other classmates that I’m close with are all girls. Have I mentioned that I’m comfortable and easy to befriend with girls rather than guys? I never had a sister in my life; that’s why I view them as my sister-like figures, but still, I know how to set my boundaries with them due to society’s common stereotype of seeing two opposite genders together.

They all also began to know my adoration for Jihyo, and they are either secretive or teaseful about it, and I find myself on the brink of danger whenever they do that on occasions that me and Jihyo would have an interaction together. Some examples I can give are when I, along with Nako and her, were discussing our anticipation of attending the concert of our favorite K-pop group this coming week.

I was expressing my loneliness to them rather because I wasn’t entirely sure if my parents would allow me to attend such a huge event like that and for me also to travel to a place that is very far away from our city. I was about to give up my hopes until a certain person simply boosted my faith again and not wanting to let me go that easily.

“You should go to that concert, YN! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, you should not waste it!”

Jihyo spoke to me and she gave me that hopefulness and positivity. She knew I might need it for her and if that so then she’s damn right. I couldn’t ask for anything more than to hear a support and concern than from her.

And later that night, I tried to ask my parents about it, and shockingly, they allowed me to, as long as I had someone with me. Nako joined me, while Jihyo went with her sister. I got a little excited, thinking I was going to be with her too, but that’s just fine. At least, I still got some heart-bursting interaction with her on social media when we both exchanged heart reactions on our posts about our experience at the concert.

Another time I could give that one of the best things I would want to just happen forever in my life was when I got unexpectedly sick in the school, and what’s even more suck about the timing is that we were rehearsing for our roleplay performance in just 3 days.

Our director set me aside for now and gave me a time to recover but ofcourse the worry of me not being able to make it to the deadline struck a fear on him. I just lay down on one of the benches with all of my classmate’s bags around me. I tried to sleep but the pain in my head just won’t let me go in peace.

I was about to go to the clinic with no other option in mind because I didn’t actually want to go there because, um, yeah, call me a scaredy cat, but I’ve heard many times from some of the students, including my classmates, that our school nurse is a terror. She’s so strict that there’s no doubt that once she finds me, my temperature will be high. Since the pandemic happened, these medical professionals have been very careful for the past few years.

One positive detection and surely I’m gone for today. I just sighed defeatedly because I wanted to practice today and to see her ofcourse. I sat up and gave myself time to prepare myself as I might feel dizzy standing up, but then I heard some footsteps and felt arms wrapped around me.

“J-jihyo?” I exclaimed weakly. She must’ve felt my body trembled in shock as I found her beside me. She just looked at me and tightlipped.

“You’re going to the clinic now?”

“Yeah. I have to.”

“You can’t do it by yourself. Look how weak you look. Cmon, I’ll join you on your way there.”

“Y-you sure? B-but they might look for you and-

“I just finished rehearsing my part. My next one is three acts after, so they wouldn’t mind.” Jihyo said. “But it’s up to you, can you do it by yourself?”

“Actually, I really didn’t want to go home yet.” I said with sincerity of sadness on my voice.

“I know, but you have to.” Jihyo said to me. “Let’s go.”

We started walking, and I gave one last look at my classmates. I caught Miyeon, who saw me with Jihyo smiling at us, and I knew what that meant. We went together to the clinic, and I feel embarrassed that I had to make a girl wait for me outside, even though she didn’t mind me that much. The nurse wasn’t even that scary; she was rather strict, but in the sense that she’s doing it because she cares for the students’ health.

She found my fever weird because… hmm how can I say this, well it’s like my temperature risen due to hunger, dehydration and possibly some changes of temperature also to the places I’ve been at since she discovered that I don’t actually feel dizzy or aching on my head.

That’s why due to my determination to remain here, she dared me to atleast decrease my temperature by having a meal and lots of water on the canteen or else she’ll have to excuse me to my instructor.

I went out of the clinic, accepting the challenge and Jihyo was just there sitting and using her cellphone. She felt my presence reappeared and she greeted me. “How’s there?”

I repeated what the nurse told me. “Come on, let’s eat at the canteen first if that so.”

“Yeah.”

“My treat.”

“Wait, what?”

We stopped walking. “Why? What’s the problem?”

“N-nothing, I just… didn’t expect it.”

“Just don’t do anything for now. Since I accompanied you, let me just be like that today before we get back there.”

In my surprise, Jihyo wrapped her arm around my shoulders, giving me that bro-cuddle. I felt super shy and almost going to melt because of the skinship she’s doing to me. It’s ironic how her touch can beat the warm temperature running across my body.

She was the one who bought our food and drinks together and she returned to our place with it. We just took our meal quietly then short talks about our interests again, but it was still enough for me. I give some sneak glances at Jihyo on my side, observing her sipping that iced coffee while she busily scrolls down on her phone.

My body suddenly felt lighter and numb, I think my sickness didn’t even exist to worry myself as I was just busy admiring her all over again. Not gonna lie, this just had me spawning another idea to imagine being with her more. A date with her is something I’d definitely would love to have someday with her.

But again, I knew I have no chance.

The deadline came and we were going back to the clinic, but just then Jihyo offered me something. It’s a medicine on the palm of her hand.

“Take this, it’ll help more.”

“Jihyo, you might need it once you-”

“But I don’t have one and you are, that’s why you need it more than me.” Jihyo rejected. “Just take it.”

I didn’t object anymore and took it at ease from her. “Thanks, Jihyo.”

“No prob, now get in there and hopefully you’re fine now. I mean, you’re kinda sweating now too so yeah maybe you really needed some rest.” She said as she poked at my arm.

I nodded and I entered with confidence, I know that Jihyo helped me a lot today. Fortunately, we were right. My temperature returned to normal still very close on reaching that low fever. I exit and immediately thanked Jihyo again which she returned with her gummy smile that I always loved seeing from her.

It was our classmates’ break too from the rehearsal and they saw us together rejoining them. As usual, Nako and Miyeon were the ones leading the group of people who knows my crush for Jihyo and they teased me about it.

And speaking of group of people who knows about my love secret, a new one has been added. It happened through our chat in Instagram when somebody replied in my story featuring a movie quote about loving someone but being aware of the consequences which makes you rather think twice on pushing yourself to chase for her feelings.

That person is the guy Jihyo is mostly close with in our classroom. They are both smart, but this one is smarter and they get along easily because they share the same humor. He replied to me saying “Who is that girl huh?”

I didn’t tell him yet. We went for some few talks until I recalled our time on the mall earlier with our other classmates. “Hey, I hope you don’t mind joining your circle like earlier. Maybe you guys might find having me uncomfortable, I just wanted to keep my closeness with you guys as my classmates.”

“We’re cool, YN. Actually I like it even more that you’re trying.” He said. “However, I do seem it doesn’t apply for somebody.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think out of everyone we were with at the mall earlier, I didn’t even saw you like interact or go near at Jihyo.” He said. I almost dropped my phone in disbelief. He did noticed me being shy around Jihyo. Sensing that he’ll end up as one of them who is about to find out soon, I didn’t wait for it anymore and after some few hesitation, I made up my mind to do what I have to do. “Did you two had a fight or something?”

“Ahh, that?” I said. “Well actually there’s another reason why you guys might find me sticking along to your circle more.”

He reacted a wow emoji on my message. My heartbeat racing as I typed the letters of her name on the keyboard. After i sent it, I waited for his reaction and what had me was his long laughter.

“Ahhhh so that’s why!” I can hear his annoying laugh behind the phone. My head just bent in shame and laughed poorly at my idiotic self. I don’t know if revealing my crush for Jihyo is even a good or a bad idea to do it with this guy.

“So yeah, I said it to you now. And I did it because I trust you so please, don’t let her know. She doesn’t need to.” I pleaded to him.

“Faggot, don’t.” He then continued with another laughter. Now I just want to rub my face on the table. “Good luck tomorrow, I’m going to tease you a lot from now on.”

I knew it would happen. I gulped nervously and chuckled again imagining what would I expect starting tomorrow if things will go in a chaotic change for me now that people are starting to recognize me because of being an admirer to our fellow classmate.

I prepared myself before going to the campus. As I arrived there, Sehun, which is his name, immediately laughed at me as I approach them who are waiting for our professor to arrive since the classroom is still locked. I just laughed back and whined at him to stop doing it frequently or else Jihyo might find it suspicious and it may attract her attention.

Thankfully, he did listened. He was just like doing it in a manner that he tries his best to insert a joke referring to me but Jihyo and the rest won’t notice. Before we went home as our classes for today ended, he gave me a short advice that began to repeat for the few days to come or whenever we get to talk together.

“Make a move already.” He said. “Do it. She’s easy to get along with. Don’t be nervous.”

I know to myself that I’m trying, but I’m not doing that to impress myself. I stand at my reason still why I don’t have any plans to make an action on how to make her mine. He did say it with the same idea I was thinking for the past few months since I started to develop an attraction to Jihyo, so I just listened to him while keeping my feelings behind me.

But again, being the dorky admirer that I am, I find it difficult to do whenever my feet would bring me closer to me or when I’m standing next to her. I couldn’t acknowledge her presence in ease. It was stressful, and it raises my belief that I am indeed a hopeless romantic.

It continued for few months that my classmates would also ran out of energy to disturb me with their playful gestures on leading me to Jihyo. They slowly didn’t cared at all and it was kind of relieving at least that’s going back to normal now that I can just move around without anybody noticing me. That didn’t last long though when I was walking home with my classmates and two of my other female classmates named Jeewon and Karina asked me randomly when Jihyo got mentioned in our topic.

“You still have feelings for her?” Jeewon asked me.

“Yeah.” I admitted.

“How long do you have a crush on her?”

I remembered the date today and that exact date when I proclaimed myself that I am indeed catching feelings for Jihyo. “Almost a year now.”

Both of them woah-ed. Karina took the turn to ask me. “Why aren’t you doing anything yet? You’re almost reaching a year, that’s long enough already.”

I sighed and slumped my shoulders. “It doesn’t matter. I believe its better if she must not know. I don’t want her to end up with me anyway.” I said weakly as my mind replayed that time when I talked with my other classmate named Lia who lives at the direction where my home leads at, stating that she learned that Jihyo doesn’t have any interest on this love thingie and she prioritize her studies first. She didn’t deny the part though that she already had an experience of being in love with somebody. Based on her report, they almost became a couple back when they were in senior high school but sadly, it didn’t happened for unknown reason.

Jeewon and Karina aww-ed in pity for me being a fallen soldier who still remains loyal fo a girl who will never be aware of my feelings and be mine. They just expressed their opinion that a year or more might just be wasted and more painful to see somebody I’m loyal with get to be rather with someone else. That’s why they still wanted to push me to try atleast.

I just kept it in mind but I haven’t considered it yet. I did have another reason with me that i didn’t shared to them which added to my reasons why I should remain on the shadows. I recalled from my chat with Lia that she has speculations to her ex-boyfriend, which is Sehun that he is interested with Jihyo too.

She even enumerated to me her evidences she observed which became a reminiscence to the things Sehun once did for her when he was courting her.

“First, you see how he always places himself next to Jihyo. Second, he was frequently escorting her with his motorcycle, to take her home or go to somewhere else. He did that to me once, and that’s when he found out where I live in and now for sure he knows where Jihyo’s home too. Lastly, he can just easily get access on her things without a permission. He even carries her bag for himself!

Don’t you think those were still nothing for him? I’m telling you, he’s chasing for Jihyo’s feelings just like how he did to me and what makes me afraid is that he might also waste her heart just like how I ended up into. He’s a player!” She said with all frustrations and I calmed her down. It threw me back to my conversations with Sehun and that advice he gave me which he always say in repeat that I should “Make a move already”.

At first it was just a simple encouragement to me but now after hearing what Lia said, I felt like it was rather a challenge sent to me. That I should do something now or else he’ll be the one who’s gonna win in the end.

Well, for my response? I don’t even care. Let him have her if he wants. If there’s some sort a miracle that it happens, I swear to God that I hope he won’t hurt Jihyo or else,I may reconsider and I’ll be there in no time.

Speaking or miracle, the reason I said it like that is because Lia and I share the same idea: “Pfft he wouldn’t have a chance with her.” Lia said in a mocking tone. “Jihyo doesn’t want to get involved with such guys like him. He may be great at words but internally? He’s immature, way apart to Jihyo.”

“Hmmm so that’s why I’m getting a weird feeling whenever I see them together” I revealed that I actually do get jealous whenever I see them close. At the bench where they review together with their circle, At the canteen where they eat and laugh together. And… yeah when he instructed Jihyo to hug him when they were riding on his motorcycle.

I just tried to hide my face contorting as my heart swells in pain seeing them like that. I was gaslighting myself that maybe it was nothing and they’re close friends that’s why. Jihyo met Sehun early when we became freshman that’s why them being close isn’t surprising anymore.

Until Lia came to dispose those lies I’ve been saying to myself. “See! Even you can see it from them. Trust me, YN. Sehun is making a move on Jihyo. I was his ex, I know him better when he acts for love.”

A month later, those all allegations and rumors we have for Sehun along with my other friend and former classmate who shifted to another course named Arin who also told me that she caught Sehun with another girl eating together and drive away on his motorcycle near at their neighorhood. Arin was living near to Sehun’s house that’s why. Arin even added that when her eyes met against Sehun’s it looked like he caught in the act and just quickly greeted at her back before they left.

Unfortunately, Arin didn’t recognize the girl but she did told me that she was wearing a uniform that is not from our campus, planting a seed that the girl is from another campus that he is also close with.

Going back to what I was saying, those all rumors were ended and disposed away when one day, me and Sehun are sitting next to each other at our subject about Psychology since our surnames’ initials are right next to each other, with mine before his.

While we wait for our instructor, he pulls out his phone and typed something before he poked me and made me look at it. I looked at the message he sent, I read it and it says:

“You’re in danger, YN.”

I furrowed my brows at him. “Danger? For what?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Boss is starting to speculate you.”

My eyes widened and my chest felt heavy immediately. His laugh got a bit louder but he stopped and typed again on his phone.

“Seriously? I-I mean, I’m not shocked since I knew it’s gonna happen. Secrets are meant to be unveiled-” I was just spitting nonsense now at this point, while I am heavily confused that she finally does began to notice me.

He presented his phone again. This time it says:

“Make a move already. Sungbin is almost at the end.” My brows deepened. Who the hell is Sungbin? I then asked it to him along with the question how did Jihyo suspected me, but instead he just said he will say about it more later.

That son of a bitch though left me hanging and getting eaten alive with all my curiosities for an entire day until I had enough waiting and I chatted him repeatedly about it while clearing up any misunderstandings that I’m not even expecting a lot or whatever. He finally responded and this is what he replied to me.

“Yup she shared it to me like, out of nowhere- she just asked. This is not what happened specifically, huh. This is just too long to read.

For her sake and yours. I don’t want to become your “middle man” even though you both are very distant to each other, got it?

After she approached me, she asked who do you like then ofcourse since you said before that you don’t want me to say it plus it’s not really my business so I just didn’t answered her.

But it looks like she didn’t really wanted to ask it then, I guess she got tired of waiting (just like you right now.) She then asked me directly if “Am I the one that YN likes?” and there, still with respect for you… I didn’t answered her. Not my story to tell.

But overall, just chill. No need to approach her about it anyway. Plus I don’t want to get involved if ever like “Sehun was the one who said it to you, doesn’t he?” Pass. I don’t want to get in trouble. There, make your move or don’t. It’s up to you. She's not thinking about it like actively, don’t worry. Maybe it just crossed her mind that time. So yeah, that’s your too long to read. Ciao.”

I thanked him and felt touched that he really did listen after all this time, and he became a man of his word for it. It’s still unknown though if he also harbored a crush on Jihyo, but during that time I did kind of notice that he wasn’t getting that much into contact with her that I might find jealous of. Maybe he gave up shortly and is now focusing on somebody else.

I learned afterwards that this is not the time that Jihyo starts to investigate her possible secret admirer, aka me. I confirmed from some of my classmates that Jihyo also asked them about it, and they also lied about it. I also feel like Jihyo is now also hiding a secret from me, as I found her following me whenever I take a spot somewhere else around the campus, yet still minus the talking.

I got nervous at the idea that maybe she’s testing or examining my antics if she can consider it that yeah I am getting shy around her because she’s my crush afterall. Realizing that she must have known now, I’m stuck if i really have to do it as there’s no more sense anymore if I have to continue being like this way.

I then hold on for few days until the time has come. I don’t know if this is such a huge coincidence or my classmates are pulling a prank on me. I did contacted them to confirm the location of our group study and the time which I quickly prepped up to head there.

But as I arrived there, I found Jihyo who is sitting alone and using her cellphone. It’s early in the morning and there’s not much students scattered around. It’s very quiet and peaceful but deep inside of me I feel like my emotions are going into war not knowing what I should do.

There’s no way out for me as I cannot leave anymore and Jihyo immediately saw me after she looked away at her phone. I had no choice but to come near at her while I try my best to compose myself. “Good morning.” She greeted me and I did the same.

“They’re still not here? I thought I’m already late that’s why I quickly went here.” I said, acting nonchalant and a bit confused.

“Same too. But since we’re here, let’s just wait for them.” I nodded and I instantly grabbed my things and took them out. From my peripheral vision, my senses are telling me that Jihyo is still observing me.

I don’t want to be weird so I silently plead that she stop, but as longer as we continue to be like this, I then realized that it was actually Jihyo who is becoming awkward between us. My patience couldn’t hold anymore as I see her blank face, I closed my notes and sighed heavily before I spoke the words I’ve never wanted to say.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about.” I said. Jihyo didn’t moved and stared at me, wondering what I’m talking about, so I proceeded with my words. “Making you uncomfortable and unhappy being around me, and it scares me. That’s what I’m being so hesitant for.”

I lowered my head, avoiding her gaze at me. What she said after made me lift up and put my attention to her as this is now something both she and I must discuss sincerely.

“So it’s me.” She finally comprehended what I’m trying the say.

“Always has been, Jihyo.” I confirmed, officially marking my confession to her and shattering my more than a year-length of being her secret admirer.

“And I just want to tell you right ahead that i’m very sorry.” I continued my heartfelt speech, wanting to make every thing clear for Jihyo. “We both know we ain’t that close or I don’t know, even be called as friends to have a normal conversation like this, and it’s my fault. It’s because of this deep infatuation- no screw that, I know for myself that this is indeed love I’ve been having on you that makes me act very awkward around you and trust me, I’m trying very very hard but I just cannot help it.”

“I do notice that I’m like the only one that you don’t get to interact with in the class.” Jihyo said. “Hearing that from you more, it did kind of hurt a litlle bit, you know. Seeing our classmates happy and comfortable talking with you, but I can’t have it the same as them. It did made me worried if I even did something bad to you. W-why does it have to be different when it comes to me?”

I frowned and took all of her rants with guilt. “I thought it was like that, but now I would just found out that’s all because you just… love me that much that you had to act like I’m non-existent?”

“I’m really sorry, Jihyo.” I muttered. “I have my reasons but it’s too many to say.”

“Then atleast enlighten me why do you have to set yourself away?”

“My fears and insecurities are not allowing me to, Jihyo.” My breathing is starting to get heavy as I sense the rising intensity of our confrontation. Jihyo was staring at me, puzzled. “It’s hard to escape. I’m scared that if you once knew, you will just ignore me because of it. That’s why I think not being close with you is much better because atleast I… I have nothing to lose more from you.”

Jihyo gulped and her expression turned into concern. She was about to move towards me but she hold on as I soon followed up what did she got taken aback from. My eyes swelled and a thin cold path started to drew from my cheek, and that’s when I touched it, a teardrop had escaped to present how much I’m struggling with this feeling.

“W-why are you doing this to yourself? Why do you need to hurt yourself more because of me?” Jihyo adjusted herself closer to me. Our eyes still ain’t leaving our staredown at each other. It deeply feels like i’m under interrogation right now that I have to defend and tell my side with all honesty.

“It’s just a feeling that I have.” I shrugged. “That i’m not the example of an ideal guy you would like to be with. I’ll just ruin whoever you are and we’ll end up being torn. Now you know why I didn’t want to confess to you because I’m not desperate for you to answer me back and tell me that you love me too. Maybe it’s better if you don’t.”

I was about to wipe my tears with my spare cloth but I was prevented by Jihyo herself who touched my hand and grabbed the cloth instead. Astounded, she damped it around my face and wiped my tears away.

“YN, please you don’t have to be harsh at yourself.” Jihyo sharpened her voice. I shook my head and tried to remove her hand.

“Don’t worry, it’ll end soon, when the time comes that my heart decides to stop.”

“AND IF I TELL YOU NOT TO?!” Jihyo suddenly yelled in front of me, slamming her fist at my shoulder. My eyes widened at her outburst. I went speechless, oblivious at the fact that I’ve been pushing her buttons further the more she hears me blabbering poisonous words at myself.

Her question rather, sounded suspicious. She returned her glare at me and she reached for my hand laying on my lap.

“I’ve had enough of hearing you hate yourself this much, you may not be fit on some of the qualities I want to the type of person I dream to be together with but I didn’t find everything about you horrible!” Jihyo complained. “And I am willing to get to know more about your capabilities, my standards weren’t even that high to be reach. I feel like it’s not right for me to be like that. If you hate yourself, then what about me? I don’t even think that anybody would fall for me who doesn’t even act accordingly to the gender norms this society has dictated upon.”

“Then I’m not one of them.” I said with confidence. “Initially, I never wanted to be in love again. But then I saw you and more time has passed, I couldn’t determine at first what my heart find you qualified to make me fall for you.

One year ago, I began as your secret admirer observing you from a far, and that’s where I started picking it all up. Many will find you rather handsome or a less attractive because of your boyish cut, tough posture, and antics that doesn’t suit you. But to me, I see different.

You’re uniquely beautiful and cute on your own that I couldn’t stand not to glance at your face for a second. I see this smart and mature woman that you would respect and willing to listen to every words she says attentively. God, you don’t how many times I imagine having you near me all the time just doing every ideas I could think to make you know how I’m deeply in love with everything about you. Just to make you feel special.

Jihyo, I love you because of how your authenticity shines through.”

After I enumerated all the signs that I find captivating from Jihyo and from how she shifted her gloomy mood into an uplifted state, smiling at the compliments I showered over her. She bit her lip and sighed as she looked away, thinking of something else for a while.

Jihyo then brought back her gaze and roamed it all around the sight of myself in front of her. “I really appreciated it a lot, YN. It did sounded sincere.” She nodded in which I mirrorred her. “We really can be friends, but this silly crush is pulling both you and I from each other.”

“S-so, you don’t-”

“No, wait it’s not like that!” Jihyo stopped me as she probably noticed that I misintepreted her. “I mean… you’re a cool guy and can you please stop ignoring me anymore? I-It really hurts when you only do that to me among the rest.” She begged with her softened dismayed tone as she pouted at me. I couldn’t care less anymore if I look like a tomato at how red my cheeks or face would appear from her cuteness.

“I won’t, I promise.” I assured her.

She sighed in relief. “Finally.”

Both sides became silent for a second before Jihyo proceeded again. “About your confession, I won’t reject you for now, YN.”

My hopes and dreams reignited and altered again with that single sentence that she said. I gasped and became overwhelmed at her response that I always thought after all these time that she would just nevermind and won’t take it seriously. “Please understand that my focus for now are on our studies, and you should be as well. I would also like to advice you to take care of yourself and use all of these time I will give for you to improve yourself and rebuild your self-esteem. I don’t want to see you being like this anymore, okay?”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I nodded at her as I listened attentively to her favor.

“Can you wait for me? I mean… if you can’t, w-well… if your heart gets tired of me, y-you can find someone new-”

“And what if I won’t?”

Jihyo considered my interruption and added a new suggestion. “Then how about I’ll wait for you to come back and you must do the same for me?”

“Deal.” We shook hands to seal it. As we slowed down the pace, I let out my gratitude for her. “Thank you for hearing my confession to you, Jihyo. You don’t know how light I feel now after I finally lift off this huge baggage I’m carrying inside of me for spending the entirety of the year admiring you which I thought that would be impossible.”

Jihyo slapped my arm and grinned. “Tss, it’s nothing. I want to also say thank you for speaking up to me about what you really feel for me and I appreciate it a lot, YN. All you had to do is to open up. Sometimes you just have to face your fears.”

We both smiled at each other and then burst out laughing afterwards to avoid getting ourselves trapped again in awkwardness. “There they are on the gate, we should start reviewing now.”

Jihyo began pulling out her things out of her bag and we opened our notes and papers. At this moment, we officially had a mutual understanding to remain being friends for now while we wait for the future to bring what we will end up to be.

3 YEARS LATER

Me and Jihyo were still friends until our last year level… while we couldn’t deny that the signs are still there in present. Today is our graduation day and we both received our certificates, declaring our successfully conclusion of almost becoming an engineer one step away.

As everyone were finally got called on the stage, awarded, and delivered their speeches, we were all commanded to throw our hats to the air and celebrate for ourselves of reaching this far for the best of our careers.

I went to my family and welcomed their greetings to me. I couldn’t help but to be emotional seeing them enveloping me into their embrace. I owe it all to their hardwork and dedication. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be here where they want me to be, and now me as well too. I’ll bring them with me as my start to build my life to its improvement.

After having my moment with them, now I went to search after to the only person that matters more to me than everybody else out there. I reached the center of the auditorium, it was empty, and my feet decelerated as I finally saw who I am looking for.

Jihyo was there, now in her new bobbed haircut, looking even more fantastic in her graduation gown. She was holding her award as mine and we faced each other from the distance in the middle of such crowded place. She smiled at me and I did the same for her.

I started walking to approach her and so did she. We stood face to face and we exchanged chuckles at one another.

“We did it.”

“Yeah. Can’t believe it as well.”

We stared at each other. I saw her smile slowly shrink from being proud to affectionate.

“YN… d-did you wait for me?”

“I… I did.” I nodded and smiled, although it’s hard as I knew what we’re about to discuss about.

“I’m sorry.” Jihyo said me and she couldn’t help but to cry for me. “I’m sorry if I couldn’t do the same.” I heaved out a long sigh as I try to mask my devastation.

“But you helped me in other way possible.” I comforted her, not wanting to see her drag herself down just because she failed to last long in the deal we made years ago. “You changed me for the better, Jihyo. Even though that I do admit that my heart is… shattered into pieces right now but that’s what doesn’t matter here.”

“I also give credit on you for what I am now today. I became the best version of myself just like you wanted me to be.” I smiled at him, despite my lips twitching in bittersweet. “I would’ve like it much to apply it on showing how I love you so much, that after all these years I remained loyal for you, I never gave up, Jihyo. I thought we’re gonna be something more in the end but… I was right all along.”

“The likes of us weren’t meant to be together. I have finally accepted that.” I nodded which urged my tears to fall more. “Despite in the way from our darkest days when you often refuse to run away just for the love you tried to save, that’s how it is. Some things cannot be saved when its destined to die.”

I looked at Jihyo and I swayed some of the hair blocking her mesmerizing beauty even with the ruined mascaras and smeared eyeliner.

“You probably even came to see me and hear me say I did too.” She said while she hiccuped on her sobs.

“No, I just came up to meet you to tell you how lovely you are today and…” I paused as I reached for the medal that is hanging around my neck. “W-will you please tell me this too for the last time? Have I made you proud too as well?” I asked her as I remember all of the times she makes me proud seeing her achieving all of those accomplishments she’s receiving because of her academic performance. That’s what motivated me to do better on my studies so that someday, I can make her be proud of me too.

“I know for sure I cheered the loudest I can get when I watch you grab that award, YN.” She nodded and smiled at me while sniffing her tears.

I feel contented at her answer. She immediately pulled me closer to her, my first and the warmest hug I ever shared with her. She cried aloud on my shoulder and I just hummed ay her as I try to comfort her as much as I can.

“Forgive me, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, YN. I wish I didn’t loved you for me to hurt you this badly.”

“I can’t hate you, Jihyo. You just discovered where your heart truly settles.” I said to her. “Don’t blame yourself now, please let’s just be happy for ourselves. Can you do it for me?”

“Y-yes…” I felt her head move around my hold. I knew she can hear my heart still beating loud for her. How I wish she still the same, but when I looked into her eyes, she’s not even there anymore.

I smiled at her, not minding what’s going on around us. I focused on Jihyo only, she’s the most important of them all as usual. It’s no denying that I gave her all I had and for sure I’m willing to repeat it.

“So this is what it feels like.” I lastly said before I broke the hug between us and exchanged congratulations for our success. I watched her return back to her place, to where she belongs. She reunited with her new boyfriend while I left as I finally lose control of my emotions. I cried out loud, defeated and disoriented.

I can’t believe that its over for the both of us.

[s-b-party]

Nous & Mythus: A Cycle of the Known & Unknown

****Honkai star rail version 1.6/crown of mundane and divine spoilers ahead****

After getting another update to the Simulated Universe & w/ Dr. Ratio coming soon, it’s a good time for me to discuss about these 2 Aeons & give my thoughts/analysis on them!

So who are these two?

They are Nous the Erudition & Mythus the Enigmata

We’ll start off w/ Nous so what does erudition mean? A synonym we can use is knowledge although that might be a bit oversimplified

Erudition often has the meaning of extensive learning whether it’s from books, practice, lectures, etc. The implication is that an erudite person or thing has a LOT of knowledge; think of a person who’s well-rounded but also has extensive knowledge in the many fields/subjects they have learned about, they can be considered erudite (this is reflected in how Erudition Pathstriders function in terms of gameplay, normally their specialty is dealing AoE dmg to multiple enemies at once as opposed to just a singular target)

Nous takes the form of an astral computer, they are a machine w/ many dangling wires visible & a red “eye” in the center, very much mechanic all around; as for their symbol it seems to speak to their concept quite well

If we look at the background, the cylindrical shapes can be interpreted as scrolls which are often associated w/ learning & knowledge; in the center, the abstract shapes seem to make an eye (their gaze perhaps) but I think it could also be taken as a flash of light which could represent “enlightenment” which we often think of as a sort of critical point in one’s journey in obtaining knowledge

Is it possible that the center is meant to symbolize the moment when Nous reaches their own enlightenment?

To name a few of their more well-known factions, we have the Genius Society & Intelligentsia Guild, both of which have members whom we’ve already officially met in the game: Herta, Screwllum, Ruan Mei from Genius Society and Dr. Ratio from Intelligentsia Guild

Seeing as they’re 2 different factions following the same Aeon, that means there’s something differentiating them, presumably their approach to knowledge

You can tell based on the name of the Genius Society what exactly they focus on (geniuses) which is a bit of a contrast to what the Intelligentsia Guild focuses on which is the dissemination of knowledge meaning that they believe everybody should have access to knowledge

The Genius Society doesn’t seem to share their knowledge that easily which we can see based on how some of the members tend to work alone, one even became known for killing some of the other members despite being in the same organization (#4 Polka Kakamond), Ruan Mei often sticks to herself when it comes to her research, etc; as a result it’s a contrast to how easily knowledge flows within the Intelligentsia Guild which even goes as far as to view it as currency in their motto

Although we’ve pretty much met only one character associated w/ the Intelligentsia Guild officially & despite how much of an asshole he may be, there are aspects related to Dr. Ratio that are in agreement w/ the belief of the Intelligentsia Guild

The name of his banner is Panta Rhei/Panta Rei which is usually associated w/ Heraclitus & it often translated to “Everything Flows”; Heraclitus was a philosopher whose focus was on the movement & changes that the universe goes through which sounds similar to how the faction wants to make knowledge easily accessible (therefore making knowledge flow through the universe)

Ngl the convo between him & Screwllum at the end of the continuance quest had me lost for a bit but I got the gist of it; to sum it up Ratio ended up rescuing the researchers who got teleported by Duke Inferno, Screwllum was wondering why Ratio would just stand back & observe when he could have prevented the situation from being dragged out any further since Ratio had the Phase Flame; Ratio explains that the best thing when dealing w/ ignorant people (in this case, the researchers in the space station including the people in the chat who were gossiping about the situation) is to stand aside & observe bc according to him foolishness is the most difficult thing to cure; Screwllum deduces that Ratio was attempting to make the employees realize that they shouldn’t be idolizing geniuses so much; Dr. Ratio is in a way similar to Alhaitham; they both think that geniuses shouldn’t be made into such a big deal or overly revered; in both cases the reverence of geniuses creates a gap between people based on intelligence

Another aspect which I find both funny and fitting is that Dr. Ratio as a 5 star will be available to EVERY player; as it is implied in the livestream, it’s his way of spreading knowledge to the mediocre; as much as he can be very arrogant & rude, it’s interesting to see that he still upholds the belief that knowledge should be available to everybody, not just to geniuses, in his own unique way

4. The last aspect of Dr. Ratio that I want to touch upon is the combination of his title & name: his full name is Veritas Ratio, veritas meaning “truth/truthfulness” & ratio meaning “reason” in Latin; the title doctor comes from the Latin verb docere which means “to teach/instruct”

This may be a stretch but hear me out: when put together, the name (not necessarily the person) Dr. Veritas Ratio gives off an impression of someone who is either qualified to teach others about “truthful reasoning” or a teacher who is truthful & rational (it might not sound like it but this kinda falls in line w/ Screwllum describing him as candid). Something I noticed is that based on what we’ve seen, not many people in the Genius Society go by the title of Doctor; what I’m trying to get at is that there is something to be said about Ratio having the title of someone who is qualified to teach while members of the Genius Society usually do not really seem that interested in spreading knowledge to the masses or teaching them

This isn’t to say that the Genius Society is entirely incapable of teaching, they probably could if they wanted to (keyword: wanted), it’s more so their motivations & values that differentiate them from the Intelligentsia Guild

Getting back to Nous, both factions do reflect specific sides of the Aeon: both are interested in expanding their knowledge but the Genius Society overall seems to be removed from civilization/society or at least a bit distant (matched by the quote describing the knowledge seeker as having a cold core) while the Intelligentsia Guild has a more cooperative aspect in terms of having a network of intelligence which can be seen in the meaning behind Nous’ signal which is explained in the entry of the Genius Society (although the signal is more so reserved for geniuses, it’s still an attempt at having a group of people work together to find the answers to the universe)

Now that we’ve looked a bit at Nous in detail, I’ll talk about Mythus; as the Aeon of Enigmata, they represent the concept of mysteries that can’t be easily perceived & their form is quite interesting to look at

Their name is related to the word “mythos” which usually refers to the stories & arts that help demonstrate values, beliefs, & attitudes of societies

*I found out recently that apparently the word myth is more of a pejorative term for mythos bc it’s more often than not used to describe stories as false or not true so there is controversy around that*

Overall they look like a jellyfish w/ the main body being faceless & legless while their tentacles/tendrils dangle out; some parts of their body have a unique effect on them that resembles oil spills or the surface of a bubble which is probably meant to be the fog that accompanies them; the staircases that come from their body seem to never end & even fade out into the darkness of space

Their symbol is very similar to their form; you can see the jellyfish w/ tentacles flowing down & in the background there is a ring of rectangles that overlap each other which may be referring to the stairs that appear in their art

The usage of the jellyfish is interesting; just like how the ocean can carry them along, the jellyfish can symbolize flow & movement, perhaps it’s to establish how mysteries simply exist in the universe without push or pull from outside forces

I can see them using the jellyfish due to its connection to one of the biggest mysteries of the world: the ocean (or at least the deeper parts of it); if we think about it, space is like an ocean of stars and unknown things so I think it’s kind of fitting using a jellyfish form to represent mysteries but it might be a stretch

Now a few known factions that follow Mythus are the Riddlers & History Fictionologists: both are pretty straightforward in terms of their agenda which is to enshroud the universe in mysteries

The Riddlers create mysteries by altering texts & words while the History Fictionologists create mysteries by eradicating evidence of past events aka history itself

It is interesting seeing how these factions actively create mysteries sometimes to the point of destruction (of texts, history, etc) even though the existence of Enigmata should be able to exist as long as Mythus exists bc Aeons themselves are manifestations of concepts; in some cases, Aeons can die while the concepts they identify as may still persist to the current time

So how do Nous & Mythus even relate to each other in the overall world building ? Their identifying concepts might appear as opposites of each other (known vs unknown) but I think there’s more to it than that

There is a readable item written by Fu Xuan called “Glimpses into the Beyond” where she explains that Nous doesn’t necessarily provide answers but they provide many questions & that “answers may only be found by oneself”

We also hear of Nous doing calculations & trying to solve the mysteries of the universe & since the Enigmata exists, Nous doesn’t have all of the answers due to the existence of mysteries

I think that while they do know a lot about the universe & can represent knowledge, they can also represent the learning process/the journey for knowledge

Something interesting is that Nous in Greek philosophy refers to the ability to process & perceive information so if Mythus is meant to be the representation of the things that can’t be easily perceived, does that still apply to Nous themself when they’re both Aeons?

Also where does that leave their dynamic? They’re enemies of sorts bc Mythus is trying to destroy certainty left by Nous but this is also a relationship where Nous is essentially searching for the answers to the universe’s mysteries aka what Mythus encapsulates, making Mythus their “goal” I guess you could say

Life will always have people who desire to gain knowledge & it will always have things that have not been discovered/figured out; there is one particular thing that I do wonder about amidst all of this: with Mythus wanting an uncertain future, I wonder how this will spell out for one of the most important concepts in many HYV games: fate

I guess we’ll have to wait & see if they’ll connect this to fate in the future 👀

*I hope you guys enjoy the first lore thread of the new year! :3

[monkayemporor]

“I didn’t want this!”

Synopsis: fem!Lorenzo (aka possum) and her parent 😱😱😱

Cw: Talks of plastic surgery + reader doesn’t like Lorenzo (at first)

Featuring: Fem!Lorenzo and Gn!Reader

Wc: 660

NOTES: I SWEAR IM WORKING ON EVERYTHING ELSE (lie)

“I’m gonna get plastic surgery.”

“Excuse me?”

Looking up from your phone, you were faced with Donna Lorenzo. And her usual shit-eating grin. Under normal circumstances, you would’ve indulged her, but this wasn’t a normal situation. Considering how she wasn’t even supposed to be here.

A few weeks ago, your friend Snuffy had dropped off some kid at your doorstep, explaining how she wanted you to take care of her. Of course, you had vehemently refused. And could anyone blame you? This girl looked like…well something. A freak would be the proper term. 

Rotten teeth, terrible hygiene, and her overall eccentric personality. You were so sure that you wouldn’t be able to deal with her. And what was Snuffy’s excuse? That her job as a pro would keep her too busy. 

“Can’t you just…I don’t know…buy her an apartment or something? You have a shitload of money!”, you had pleaded, but Snuffy had explained she didn’t want to leave Lorenzo alone. 

Sure, you could’ve refused. And if it had been anyone else, you would’ve. But this was Snuffy, your dearest friend. So, against your better judgment, you took Donna Lorenzo in. 

Living with her though, was certainly an…experience. From following you around your place, messing with your stuff, barking like a dog, and mooning over the weirdest boys on your computer. 

“Isn’t he just the best?”, she asked, an image of some gothic-looking boy open on the screen. 

Sipping on your coffee, your nose wrinkled, “Ew. No. Just no.”

Just what was wrong with her?

And now you were here, with Lorenzo proclaiming that she was going to get plastic surgery. 

“So, you want bigger boobs? I thought those were like bad for football or something.”, you said, clearly confused. Lorenzo shook her head and sat next to you, a bit too close for comfort though. 

“Nah, I just wanna get rid of something.”

Vague. You momentarily wondered if you should push for more info. But why bother? She was old enough to get one and it wasn’t like you were the one paying for it.

But…

What would Snuffy say? She would probably want you to ask. Sighing, you placed your phone on the table and looked Lorenzo in the eye.

“Just what exactly do you want to get rid of?”

Silence suddenly filled the space and you noticed the defender avoiding your gaze. Odd.

“Well…”, you trail off, trying to find the right words to say as the teen girl perks up. “You’re not that bad looking. So I don’t see why you need to get plastic surgery.”

Lame. That was the best you could do? Screw it. You never wanted kids in the first place.

Instead of Lorenzo mocking you though, she simply laughed, showing off the golden grills you very much hated. “I’m not sayin' that it was terrible, but it was!”

In defeat, you slumped on the couch. Screw Snuffy. But just as you were about to leave the room, Lorenzo suddenly spoke up.

“Still…thanks…”

Well, now this was awkward. What were you supposed to say? No problem? Nahhh. 

“You’re cute looking—like a possum!”, you suddenly blurted out. Why were you doing this?! Just why?! The younger girl tilted her head, “Possum? Ya, mean those ugly rat things?”

“They are not ugly!”

“Are too. And that means you're calling me ugly!”

“Stop putting words in my mouth!”

Arguing with Donna Lorenzo turned out to be quite tiring. And at the end, you were laying on the couch, side-eyeing her, “Look. Just, don’t do it. You’re perfectly fine. And you may be kinda gross, you’re not that gross to need plastic surgery.”

It was quiet for a couple of minutes, you staring up at Lorenzo as she stared right back. Her shit-eating grin was visible, “Dah, fine~”

“Oh.” You weren’t expecting her to listen. Now what? Do you just leave? Or…

“Am I still a possum though?”, Lorenzo asked.

“Definitely yes.”

“You’re weird.”

“Look who’s talking.”

[oliviabutsmart]

Physics Friday #5: The Wonderful World of Programming Paradigms

Welcome to the first actual post on the dedicated blog! This will be continuing on from what I started over on my main account @oliviax727. But don't worry, I'll still repost this post over there.

Preamble: Wait! I thought this was Physics!

Education level: Primary School (Y5/6)

Topic: Computer Languages (Comp Sci)

So you may be thinking how this is relevant to physics, well it's not. But really, other adjacent fields: computer science, chemistry, science history, mathematics etc. Are really important to physics! The skills inform and help physicists make informed decisions on how to analyse theoretical frameworks, or to how physics can help inform other sciences.

I may do a bigger picture post relating to each science or the ways in which we marry different subjects to eachother, but what is important is that some knowledge of computer science is important when learning physics, or that you're bound to learn some CS along the way.

Also I can do what I want, bitch.

Introduction: What is a Programming Language?

You may have come across the term 'programming paradigm' - especially in computer science/software engineering classes. But what is a programming paradigm really?

Computers are very powerful things, and they can do quite a lot. Computers are also really dumb. They can't do anything unless if we tell them what to do.

So until our Sky-net machine overlords take control and start time-travelling to the past, we need to come up with ways to tell them how to do things.

Pure computer speak is in electrical signals corresponding to on and off. Whereas human speak is full of sounds and text.

It is possible for either one to understand the other (humans can pump electrical signals into a device and computers can language model). But we clearly need something better.

This is where a programming language comes in. It's basically a language that both the computer and the human understands. So we need a common language to talk to them.

It's like having two people. One speaks Mandarin, the other speaks English. So instead of making one person learn the other's language, we create a common language that the two of them can speak. This common language is a synthesis of both base languages.

But once we have an idea of how to communicate with the computer, we need to consider how we're going to talk to it:

How are we going to tell it to do things?

What are we going to ask it to do?

How will we organise and structure our common language?

This is where a programming paradigm comes in - a paradigm is a set of ideas surrounding how we should communicate with a device. It's really something that can truly only be understood by showing examples of paradigms.

Imperative vs. Declarative

The main two paradigms, or really categories of paradigms, are the imperative vs. declarative paradigm.

Imperative programming languages are quite simple: code is simply a set of instructions meant to tell the computer specifically what to do. It is about process, a series of steps the computer can follow to get some result.

Declarative programming languages are a bit more vapid: code is about getting what you want. It's less about how you get there and more about what you want at the end.

As you can see imperative programs tell the computer how to do something whereas declarative programs are about what you want out.

Here's an example of how an imperative language may find a specific name in a table of company data:

GET tableOfEmployees; GET nameToFind SET i = 0; WHILE i < tableOfEmployees.length: IF tableOfEmployees[i].firstName == nameToFind THEN: RETURN tableOfEmployees[i] AND i; ELSE: i = i + 1; RETURN "employee does not exist";

And here's that same attempt but in a declarative language:

FROM tableOfEmployees SELECT * WHERE firstName == INPUT(1);

Note that these languages aren't necessarily real languages, just based on real-life ones. Also please ignore the fact I used arrays of structures and databases in exactly the same way.

We can see the difference between the two paradigms a lot more clearly now. In the imperative paradigm, every step is laid out clear as day. "Add one to this number, check if this number is equal to that one".

Under the declarative paradigm, not only is the text shorter, we also put all of the instructions about how to do a task under the rug, we only care about what we want.

With all this, we can see an emerging spectrum of computer paradigms. From languages that are more computer-like, to languages that are more English-like. This is the programming languages' level:

Lower level languages are more likely to be imperative, as the fundamental construction of the computer relies on a series of instructions to be executed in order.

The lowest level, the series of electrical signals and circuitry called microcode is purely imperative in a sense, as everything is an instruction. Nothing is abstracted and everything is reduced to it's individual components.

The highest level, is effectively English. It's nothing but "I want this", "I'd like that". All of the processes involved are abstracted in favour of just the goal. It is all declarative.

In the middle we have most programming languages, what's known as the "high level languages". They are the best balance of abstraction of reduction, based on what you need to use the language for.

It's important that we also notice that increasingly higher-level and increasingly more declarative the language gets, the more specific the purpose of the language becomes.

Microcode and machine code can be used for effectively any purpose, they are the jack-of-all trades. Whereas something like SQL is really good at databases, but I wouldn't use it for game design.

As long as a language is Turing-complete, it can do anything any computer can do, what's important is how easy it is to program the diverse range of use-cases. Assembly can do literally anything, but it's an effort to program. Python can do the same, but it's an effort to run.

Imperative Paradigms: From the Transistor to the Website

As mentioned previously, the imperative paradigm is less a stand-alone paradigm but a group of paradigms. Much like how the UK is a country, but is also a collection of countries.

There are many ways in order to design imperative languages, for example, a simple imperative language from the 80's may look a lot like assembly:

... ADD r1, 1011 JMZ F313, r1

The last statement JMZ, corresponds to a "Jump to the instruction located at A if the value located at B is equal to zero" what it's effectively saying is a "Repeat step 4" or "Go to question 5" type of thing.

Also known as goto statements, these things are incredibly practical for computers, because all it requires is moving some electrical signals around the Registers/RAM.

But what goto statement is used as in code, is really just a glorified "if x then y". Additionally, these statements get really irritating when you want to repeat or recurse over instructions multiple times.

The Structured Paradigm

Thus we introduce the structured paradigm, which simply allows for control structures. A control structure is something that, controls the flow of the programs' instructions.

Control structures come in many forms:

Conditionals (If X then do Y otherwise do Z)

Multi-selects (If X1 then do Y1, if X2 then do Y2 ...)

Post-checked loops (Do X until Y happens)

Pre-checked loops (While Y, do X)

Counted Loops (For i = A to B do X)

Mapped Loops (For each X in Y, do Z)

These control structures are extra useful, as they have the added benefit of not having to specify what line you have to jump to every time you update previous instructions. They may also include more "safe" structures like the counted or mapped loop, which only executes a set amount of time.

But we still have an issue: all our code is stuffed into one file and it's everywhere, we have no way to seperate instructions into their own little components that we might want to execute multiple times. Currently, out only solution is to either nest things in far too many statements or use goto statements.

The Procedural Paradigm

What helps is the use of a procedure. Procedures are little blocks of code that can be called as many times as needed. They can often take many other names: commands, functions, processes, branches, methods, routines, subroutines, etc.

Procedures help to organise code for both repeated use and also it makes it easier to read. We can set an operating standard of "one task per subroutine" to help compartmentalise code.

Object-Oriented Code

Most of these basic programming languages, especially the more basic ones, include the use of data structures. Blocks of information that holds multiple types of information:

STRUCT Person: Name: String Age: Integer Phone: String Gender: String IsAlive: Boolean

But these structures often feel a bit empty. After all, we may want to have a specific process associated uniquely with that person.

We want to compartmentalise certain procedures and intrinsically tie them to an associated structure, preventing their use from other areas of the code.

Like "ChangeGender" is something we might not want to apply to something that doesn't have a gender, like a table.

We may also want to have structures that are similar to 'Person' but have a few extra properties like "Adult" may have a bank account or something.

What we're thinking of doing is constructing an object, a collection of BOTH attributes (variables) AND methods (procedures) associated with the object. We can also create new objects which inherit the properties of others.

Object oriented programming has been the industry standard for decades now, and it's incredibly clear as to why - it's rather useful! But as time marches forward, we've seen the popularisation of a new paradigm worthy of rivaling this one ...

Declarative Paradigms: The World of Logic

Declarative languages certainly help abstract a lot of information, but that's not always the case, sometimes the most well known declarative languages are very similar feature-wise to imperative paradigms. It's just a slight difference in focus which is important.

Functional Programming Languages

Whereas the object oriented language treats everything, or most things, like objects. A functional language uses functions as it's fundamental building block.

Functional languages rely on the operation of, well, functions. But functions of a specific kind - pure functions. A pure function is simply something that doesn't affect other parts of the computer outside of specifically itself.

A pure function is effectively read-only in it's operation - strictly read-only. The most practical-for-common-use functional languages often allow for a mixture of pure and impure functions.

A functional language is declarative because of the nature of a function - the process of how things work are abstracted away for a simple input -> output model. And with functional purity, you don't have to worry about if what takes the input to the output also affects other things on the computer.

Functional languages have been around for quite a while, however they've been relegated to the world of academia. Languages like Haskell and Lisp are, like most declarative languages, very restrictive in their general application. However in recent years, the use of functional programming has come quite common.

I may make a more opinionated piece in the future on the merits of combining both functional and object-oriented languages, and also a seperate my opinions on a particular functional language Haskell - which I have some contentions with.

Facts and Logic

The logic paradigm is another special mention of declarative languages, they focus on setting a series of facts (i.e. true statements):

[Billy] is a [Person]

Rules (i.e. true statements with generality):

If [A] is [Person] then [A] has a [Brain]

And Queries:

Does [Billy] have a [Brain]?

Logical languages have a lot more of a specific purpose, meant for, well, deductive/abductive logical modelling.

We can also use what's known as Fuzzy logic which is even more higher-level, relying on logic that is inductive or probabilistic, i.e. conclusions don't necessarily follow from the statements.

Visual and Documentation Languages

At some point, we start getting so high level, that the very components of the language start turning into something else.

You may have used a visual language before, for example, Scratch. Scratch is a declarative language that abstracts away instructions in-favour of visual blocks that represent certain tasks a computer can carry out.

Documentation languages like HTML, Markdown, CSS, XML, YML, etc. Are languages that can barely even be considered programming languages. Instead, they are methods of editing documents and storing text-based data.

Languages that don't even compile (without any significant effort)

At some point, we reach a point where languages don't even compile necessarily.

A metalanguage, is a language that describes language. Like EBNF, which is meant to describe the syntaxing and lexical structures of lower-level languages. Metalanguages can actually compile, and are often used in code editors for grammar checking.

Pseudocode can often be described as either imperative or declarative, focused on emulating programs in words. What you saw in previous sections are pseudocode.

Diagrams fall in this category too, as they describe the operation of a computer program without actually being used to run a computer.

Eventually we reach the point where what were doing is effectively giving instructions or requesting things in English. For this, we require AI modelling for a computer to even begin to interpret what we want it to interpret.

Esoteric Paradigms

Some paradigms happen to not really fall in this range form low to high level. Because they either don't apply to digital computing or exist in the purely theoretical realm.

Languages at the boundaries of the scale can fall into these classes, as microcode isn't really a language if it's all physical. And pseudocode isn't really a language if it doesn't even compile.

There are also the real theoretical models like automata and Turing machine code, which corresponds to simplified, idealised, and hypothetical machines that operate in ways analogous to computers.

Shells and commands also exist in this weird zone. Languages like bash, zsh, or powershell which operate as a set of command instructions you feed the computer to do specific things. They exist in the region blurred between imperative and declarative at the dead centre of the scale. But often their purpose is more used as a means to control a computer's operating system than anything else.

Lastly, we have the languages which don't fit in our neat diagram because they don't use digital computers in a traditional manner. These languages often take hold of the frontiers of computation:

Parallel Computing

Analog Computing

Quantum Computing

Mechanical Computing

Conclusion

In summary, there's a lot of different ways you can talk to computers! A very diverse range of paradigms and levels that operate in their own unique ways. Of course, I only covered the main paradigms, the ones most programmers are experienced in. And I barely scratched the surface of even the most popular paradigms.

Regardless, this write-up was long as well. I really wish I could find a way to shorten these posts without removing information I want to include. I guess that just comes with time. This is the first computer science based topic. Of course, like any programmer, I have strong opinions over the benefits of certain paradigms and languages. So hopefully I didn't let opinions get in the way of explanations.

Feedback is absolutely appreciated! And please, if you like what you see, consider following either @oliviabutsmart or @oliviax727!

Next week, I'll finish off our three-part series on dark matter and dark energy with a discussion of what dark energy does, and what we think it is made of!

[thesilversun]

Five Lines Fic Meme Tagged by: @howdaretrashships Thanks for the tag!

Rules: find five lines in your fic based on the prompts you are given, then change one of the prompts at the end!

A Line You Think is Hilarious

from

Mainframe, HEX and the Temporal Trouser Error

a Torchwood/Discworld crossover where two computers talk to each other despite a difference in programming language.

It' a few lines really (and tbh pretty much all the fic - it's by far the silliest thing I've written.)

Mainframe gave the electronic equivalent of a shrug, and then sent her next message. [Please identify date of three leg trouser formation] Hopefully Hex would understand it if it was sent in terms it understood.  +++14 Grune. Year eight. Century of the Anchovy+++ Which could, Mainframe computed, mean anything from ten thousand years ago to a week last Tuesday. So she sent back [Sync calendar function?] A calendar page from the previous May appeared on screen, then across one of the days flashed the word +++Wrong Trouser Day+++

A Line About Mysteries

Time Enough and Life (Torchwood, Jack/Ianto)

By 1969 the Electro was threatened with closure. It managed a stay of execution thanks to the British Film institute scheme supporting regional arthouse cinemas, and was renamed the Cardiff Showhouse. Even so, as the 1970s wore on it struggled to turn a profit and it finally closed its doors on the 22nd of February 1977. Jack stops and reads the sentence again. Simple, factual and easy to understand it is also completely incomprehensible in relation to what Ianto has told him about it. There had been such genuine fondness and affection in Ianto's voice at the memories of Saturday mornings spent there with his father that Jack finds it incredibly unlikely that it is a lie. Yet if it's not a lie Ianto is a great deal older than he looks and had lied about his age when he joined Torchwood One. Either that or his father's idea of a nice day out was to zip back a couple of decades to see a film. All the options are preposterous, yet a quick search of the internet confirms the 1977 closure date. The only thing that’s clear is that, for whatever reason, Ianto has been lying to him, and maybe to Torchwood from the outset. The question is why?

A Line About Love

From All the Lies (Good Omens, Aziraphale/Crowley) (written after S1, not seen S2, so if there is an angel in S2 call Uriel it isn't this one)

Uriel watched them for a moment surprise growing on her face. "You love him." "We are meant to love," Aziraphale said, pulling the fuzzy, midnight-blue fabric around him. "More than anything that is our purpose. I cannot and will not be sorry for being as She made me." "Not you." Uriel pointed at Crowley. "That...thing. The demon. How can It do that?" "Thing. Demon. It. Well isn't that just charming. It's Crowley. Crow-Ley. Two syllables. Really not that tricky." He gave her an irritated look that somehow managed to be conveyed despite the glasses. "You know the one who helped screw up the whole end of the world thing for you." "But you shouldn't love him," Uriel persisted. "You can't." "Why not? We were all angels once," Crowley said, quieter than usual. "Falling didn't change..." He stopped, genuine raw hurt on his face. "Falling was a punishment and what better punishment for a Fallen Angel than to still feel love, but know they'll never, ever deserve it. Never." He turned away, swallowing down millennia old hurt. "Seriously I thought all you angels knew that. Just something else for you to be smug about." It felt like a punch in the gut. Had Crowley thought that about him too? The things he'd said to him...Some of them had been so thoughtless, cruel even. "Oh Crowley, my dear, you should have said something," Aziraphale said, catching his hand in his own. "Of course you're loved. I love you." Panic, fear and desperate hope, radiated from him as he looked at their clasped hands. "You....you do?"

A Line About Dreams

From Before the Dawn (Mysterious Lotus Casebook, Difanghua - a nightmare rather than a good dream, unfortunately)

There is water all around him. Ice cold and dark. It is full of hands. Some tiny, some huge. Men’s hands, women’s hands, things that may or may not be human at all. Gripping, grasping hands that pull at him, at his hair, at his clothing. Not clothing. His clothes are gone. He can’t open his eyes, but Di Feisheng can see them all the same. Nothing but hands. No heads or faces. No bodies or even limbs. Just innumerable hands, their sharp nails, talons, claws, red painted, like cinnabar, like wedding clothes. they hook into his skin, tearing it open. The water turns redder still. Like blood. Perhaps it was always blood. Either way he’s soaked in it. Drowning in it. He always has been. He struggles against the tide of clawing fingers. They swarm up his body, no part left untouched. They close around his throat, squeezing, crushing the air from him. They pry his mouth open, blood rushing in and out, they are in throat from the inside, choking him. He wants to scream, but there’s no air left in him. “A-Fei!” It’s distant. He tries to kick out, but his legs will barely respond. There are hands on his shoulders pinning down. He’s going to die. He doesn’t want to die. “A-Fei! Wake up!” It’s closer. More urgent. Familiar. The hands, which aren’t the same as the ones in his dream, shake him. Careful, rather than rough, as they pull back to wakefulness. To safety.

An Atmospheric Line

from Three months and a thousand miles of sea Mysterious Lotus Casebook, Dihua.

He turns to the wide horizons. “Li Xiangyi! Come back and face me!” Only the echo of the mountains answer, taunting and hopeless. He sits amidst the snow and shattered rock. The sun sets and the cold moon rises. Frost settles on his hair. His hands heal. Still the empty ache inside will not ease. The sun rises and he leaves. The cold of the mountains seems to have seeped into his bones, like he will never be warm again and still he aches for what could have been. What should have been.

Tagging: @yletylyf @galexibrain @cheesybadgers @killerandhealerqueen @momosandlemonsoda if you want to that is, and any one else who wants to do it even if not tagged

Prompts:

A Line You Think is Hilarious

A Line About anger

A Line About Love

A Line About Dreams

An Atmospheric Line

[gren-arlio]

Ah, Visual Novel Disc System games, my beloved. Welcome to Episode 8 of (Waku) Puyo Extras.

(Serilly reading a fashion magazine is pretty nice honesty. Too bad that Honey Bee and Momomo are gonna appear any second now.)

Hello everyone, it's the guy whose computer exploded on him once as well as the only Ciel fan in America (Seriously, I'm glad some fans know about Quest nowadays). Thankfully, the computer's slowly but surely getting fixed, so who knows, maybe I'll continue Arle's route next month due to every week having something planned this time around. (Apologies, Arle route watchers)

As the silly meme about PuyoLympics comes around and goes around (Thanks Witch,) I haven't neglected to speak about what the poll wanted to speak about: Serilly's Happy Birthday.

Would you call this a character speculated episode? It's more of a game starring a character, but I dunno.

With that, I think we can begin. Hope you enjoy.

------

First, let's talk about its origins:

Serilly's Happy Birthday was released in 1998 from Disc Station Volume #18, a magazine that carried either demos of games or full blown games, on the Windows 95.

(For some extra info, there were 2 sets of magazines. Issues #0-32 and Volume #1-27.)

It's a little unclear what month this was released, but we can make do with what we got.

(Cover page for the Volume.)

However, and idk if this is big news or not, but I think I found an page covering Serilly's Happy Birthday, though not in the best quality out there.

I haven't seen this anywhere on the Puyo Nexus, or anywhere else really, so take this with a grain of salt. If true though, I adore how it looks.

Apparently it was made by the people who made the Tower of the Magician artstyle, which would make a ton of sense, but take this with a grain of salt.

(No Schezo though. Yeah he just makes a cameo, but hey, would've been nice.)

Also, tiny Carbuncle. You love to see it.

-----

So, whats the game about?

The game itself is a Princess-Maker (Or in a better term, Social Simulation, didn't know the name first time around,) type game, a genre where you see the world of our own and the fictional world. Take Animal Crossing or Tomodachi Life for example. Or The Sims.

The story is that Serilly was given the ability to go on land, but she still doesn't have any legs. Minor misconception but an understandable one.

You then...simply put, plan Serilly's birthday as a whole, going through a week by week basis to get to the end of the year.

(A screen showing the days. From the Japanese characters from top left to bottom right, its Arle, Rulue, Suketoudara, Witch, Draco, and Owlbear.)

You may wonder what the numbers mean on the left. I'm glad you asked. They're stats that increase whilst doing activities with Serilly, such as dancing with Incubus, studying with Satan Masked Principal, I believe training with Samurai Mole, cleaning with Kikimora, etc.

From top left to bottom right, it goes Power, Head(? Due to Samurai Mole,) Cuteness, Story(? Or negotiation.), Kindness, and fatigue. These points are given in random increments, and doing too much tires Serilly, so heads up on on that.

(Cleaning with Kikimora. This is the best quality I could find this.)

Speaking of characters, here's some that appear in this game:

Arle

Witch

Suke

Owlbear

Masked Principal (NOT Satan. Wrong guy.)

Rulue

Draco

Incubus

Kikimora (Man. She's everywhere.)

Schezo. As a cameo in I think one of Witch's supports, and he's not the best written here.

-----

Wait, Supports?

Now you may wonder what I mean by supports. Well, to get an ending, along with Stat Points, you need to talk to the person themselves, which is why with my little Fire Emblem brain, call them supports. You have to have spoken to them enough, as well as get the necessary stats to get their ending, which is why it's so hard to get Draco's ending, least from what I see and hear. And Witch flat out won't talk to you if you're too stupid for her apparently.

However, while a little one-note, the supports and talks themselves are very charming in their own right, and they look stupid good to boot.

(A small support you can get with Witch.)

So, with those 6 characters I mentioned for the endings, there's 7 possible endings. One of them is NO ONE going to Serilly's birthday. If I ever got this ending, I'm retiring from everything.

Serilly herself is still fairly shy, but much more outgoing than what we're used to, which is nice considering she's the star of the show. I genuinely like how she's written here. Not Waku Puyo levels of great, but still top 2 IMO.

The characters themselves are roughly the same, with some expections. For example, the Masked Principal is actually incredibly nice to you, which is just...amazing tbh, Rulue is more dedicated to her training than anything, and Schezo...sucks as a character this time around. He's just a dude walking around saying "I want you!" like an actual pervert rather than just being a goofball about it. Oh, the misery. (Everybody wants to be my enemy...)

But what do some of these endings look like? Unfortunately, our old pal "The 10 image limit," has attacked us once again, and so, I can only show 4 of them.

But they're the popular characters so...I guess we win this time.

I genuinely love how this game looks, man. And the endings themselves are super charming in their own way. I believe in the Masked Principal ending, she helps people swim (Panotty, Archan?, Honey Bee, and Kodomo Dragon,) and it's honestly super cute.

-----

So what do I personally think?

I think this game is incredibly interesting, as it's something that Disc Station or Puyo has a whole hasn't really seen. They chose an interesting character with Serilly, and they honestly made this game look visually stunning. The music is nice to listen to, and the characters are fairly nice to you for the most part, which is a nice change of pace considering it's, well... Serilly.

Overall, if you can ever find a way to see gameplay of the sort, check it out.

This is a shorter Puyo Extras, but I think I covered most of the basis of this game. That'll be all for now.

Cya guys.

[catboybiologist]

I maaaaay have spent most of my evening scrolling your dash. But, for my defense, you post good, Ma'am. Also I need someone to tell you your vocal tries are impressive. I tried to stay focused but your voice was so soft, that was lulling.

Anyway, uh, yeah. Question. I was here for a question.

I've just started my PhD, do you have any advice to handle the incoming workload and the pressure?

Aaaaww thank you <3 I might post more voice clips to practice in the future!

As for the question- a PhD experience is highly, highly variable. My advice is going to be strongly based on my own experiences, and my own program. It's probably more applicable if you're in a wet lab science, but still, take it with a grain of salt.

A big thing to realize about a PhD is that it isn't necessarily the sheer quantity of work you'll be doing, but how different the pace and the kind of work you do is from undergrad or a more typical job. Compared to undergrad, your classes will be far less important to nonexistent. Your time will mostly be split between research/thesis related projects, and teaching, depending on the teaching workload.

Your experiences with your research are going to vary a lot, but in general, your PI/research advisor basically determines everything. The #1, big, massive, blinking, do-not-avoid piece of advice I will give about grad school is: pick your research advisor carefully. Do NOT prioritize the exact, nitpicky subfield you want to work in. Your PhD doesn't determine the direction of the rest of your career. Instead, you HAVE to consider whether this is a person you can work for/with for the next 5-7 years. Do you want a more "hands on" person that will set short term goals, or someone that will leave you alone and just check in infrequently to help with long term goals? Do you communicate well with them? What's the word in the department about their mentorship style long term? Avoid people who take pride in trying to "challenge" you, invariably they're shitheads preying on people with more work ethic than self worth (may or may not be based on personal experience lol).

You might be past this point, depending on how your program works- for me, I had a year of rotations before settling in lab permanently. Unless you're a direct admit with an advisor you already know, I would basically consider this or a similar system to be a requirement of a program.

Beyond that, even if you end up in a more "hands on" environment, independence is key. Of course you should collaborate and ask people to help you, but in both a motivation and a practical sense, you should be able to work on your own and take initiative. You need to interpret your own findings and set your own direction for where they're going to go. You need to analyze whether that's in your capability and how you're going to get it done. My personal little advice is to always have at least one thing going on that you can do with zero to minimal input from anyone- for me, this takes the form of computational bioinformatics work that doesn't require any lab resources and most other people in my lab don't have the toolkit to do. Main projects or side projects like this allow you to get *something* done, even if you're stuck in a rut otherwise.

But then there's the flip side to that- you're almost always going to be your own worst critic. Pace yourself. You'll always feel like you're not getting enough done, and you'll fight that feeling constantly. Hell, writing this is like me telling on myself and leaving my own reminder for myself. Balance this with your ability to work independently. Be deliberate about your recreation time and keep yourself to it as well.

The PI selection is the only one that's like, a super strong piece of advice here. But I hope the rest was at least a bit useful!

[the-casbah-way]

down then left octavius vs canon octavius

i think it's safe to assume that most people would say the version of octavius i've invented for down then left is vastly different to the octavius we see in the films, and i can see why. canon octavius is loud, brave, confident, and generally a very fun and cheerful little guy. down then left octavius is, well, none of those things. or at least a lot of people probably see it that way. the thing i love about aus, though, is the fact that it's the perfect opportunity for a writer to explore one of my favourite concepts; being a product of your environment. your physical surroundings, the people you interact with, and in this case even the time period you're in, are intrinsic to who you are, to some extent. octavius was simply meant to be in ancient rome. it's just where he belongs. it's where he fits. his role as a military leader - and one operating under an empire trademarked by active and offensive territorial expansion, at that - is what gives him the chance to truly thrive, and put to use the traits we don't always see in down then left octavius. natural leadership, confidence, and bravery. when you remove someone like that from his intended time period and stick him in a world dominated by computers, late stage capitalism, and repetitive mundane responsibilities, it's no wonder we no longer see him as the same person. in a way, down then left octavius' job as the manager of a big company does showcase his abilities as a natural leader. we don't really get to see this in action but there are definitely hints of it, and we can obviously assume that it's there since he's been able to work his way up to the position he's in now. but how can we expect down then left octavius to be confident, for example, when he's living in a world that has no use for his positive traits? he's supposed to be doing something far bigger, far more long-term and with a far clearer cause than a mediocre office job. if down then left octavius had a chance to do something he actually enjoyed - and was actually good at, most importantly - he'd arguably be just as confident as canon octavius. there are signs of this token confidence throughout the fic, if you look for them; octavius' ability to stand up for himself or other people without a second thought, his tendency to naturally assume he's correct in his thoughts and opinions, his brashness and bluntness with complete strangers like the angry man in the bar. it's there, it's just not happening in the right environment for it to really flourish in a way that's particularly noticeable. we don't have canon octavius' backstory, so for all we know it could be very different or equally very similar to that of down then left octavius, who grew up not only closeted and emotionally neglected, but also with no real outlet in which he could really channel any of his passion or natural abilities and positive characteristics. the main difference here is that when you add all this into an environment with very little space for self-expression or discovery, almost no healthy human connections, and a world that no longer values the qualities needed to be an ancient roman imperator, you end up with a repressed, awkward, mentally-ill loser who seems so fundamentally out of place wherever he steps foot that it's hard to believe he was meant for this timeline at all. the museum gives canon octavius not only somewhere he can still dress, behave and live like he may have done in ancient rome, but also a place where he can be himself and be understood and cared for; something down then left octavius has never had. if i've done my job as a writer correctly then hopefully the more we get to knpw down then left octavius, the more we start to realise that he still has all of canon octavius' qualities in him somewhere, even if we have to dig deep to find them. he is capable of laughing and having fun; he is capable of being sweet and kind and forming meaningful relationships; he is confident, and loud, and silly. it's the world around him that's changed here, not octavius himself

[jenanigans1207]

Hi, i was wondering if you have any advice for a first time smut writer? Especially when the writer doesn't even have experience kissing?

I've had an idea for a bonus nsfw chapter for my long term GO wip, and over the months, I have created a detailed account of what will happen with dialogue in my head. But I'm worried that only reading NSFW fics will not be enough to help write it well.

I would ask in a discord server, but may end up gifting it to a friend, and they're in all my servers 😅 Getting advice there might ruin the whole "surprise! I've written a sexy fic!" if I do end up gifting it.

Hi!! Oh man, I don’t know how much help I’m going to be, but I’ll sure try!

I think the biggest thing I can say, and I genuinely can’t stress this enough: you’re going to feel awkward as hell the first time you write smut. To this day I still feel super awkward when I write smut, like I need to look over my shoulder in case someone is looking at my computer screen or this happens to be the moment I’m finally proven right that mind-readers exist and one is reading the smut straight from my brain. So if you feel that way when you write it, don’t panic! It’s not a sign that you aren’t meant to be writing it or that you’re doing a bad job writing it!

My second biggest piece of advice is to remember that this is part of a larger fic. And I hope this makes sense when I say this! It’s not just smut that you’re writing, it’s a natural progression of the dynamic that you’ve been building up for all those chapters. By now you have the character voices and personalities in your head— trust those! Lean into it a little, let them take the lead a bit. If you don’t end up liking how something is written, you can always rewrite it! (Though I will always advocate for simply pasting what you’re getting rid of in another doc instead of outright deleting it just to be safe!)

Third: remember that they’re people. Whether it’s an au where they’re human or they’re still celestial beings, the boys are disastrous idiots at the best of times (that’s why we love them). So don’t be afraid to let it be awkward or uncoordinated sometimes. If you feel like one of them doesn’t know what they’re doing, okay! A lot of us don’t!! And depending on the scenario you’ve put them in, maybe one of them hasn’t ever kissed before either, which allows you to lean into it a little and hopefully make it more comfortable! The point is, nothing is ever perfect. It’s messy, it’s full of emotions, and it’s usually clumsy and heartfelt and it’s okay to write it that way!

If you don’t have a deadline or need to post/send to your friend right away, I recommend taking a few days away from it and reading it again. It’s hard to look at anything you write objectively when you’ve been so close to it for so long. Taking a step away and coming back gives you a better chance of seeing the story the way your readers will— and I guarantee you that you’ll think it’s even better than you remember it being. Even if you thought it was the best thing you ever wrote, you’ll love it more when you are able to look at it a little more objectively! If you can’t take the time away, totally fair. Find someone you trust, someone who knows the rest of your fic so they have the whole story, and ask them to read it.

If you get stuck, and you have someone you trust enough, you can do what I do with my writing friends which is playing Questions! You talk a little about where you’re stuck at in the plot and they just ask you any question that comes to mind. Not always huge, plot-relevant questions, but questions about how a character feels, or how an outside character would respond, etc. and in working out the answers to those questions, I think you’ll find the bits of plot that you’re looking for! It’s always been a huge help to me, and it’s tons of fun!

Oh, and lastly— I think it’s absolutely phenomenal that you wrote an outline of everything! I’ve never been great at plotting or outlines so I’m jealous. But remember not to hold yourself too rigidly to the outline. If you forget something or veer off of where you intended to go for a bit but you like the outcome, don’t beat yourself up over it! Like I said before, you can always rewrite something you don’t like.

So I guess my biggest piece of advice is don’t take it too seriously and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. It’s still writing and it’s a natural progression of a story you’ve already spent all this time telling. You know how the story goes, you know how the characters act, you got this!!!

I don’t know if this ended up being helpful at all, but I hope it is! It’s lovely that you’re doing this for your friend and I’m sure they’re going to adore it!!!

[saturrnss]

Misfits Chap. 1

Namora x black!mutant!fem!punk!reader

summary: after living for more than 100 years, you decided to fuck around and make a metal detector for money-that happened to detect vibranium as well

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, mention of overdose, drugs, alcohol, death, graphic violence, smut (eventually), to much of the word "you"

the reader doesn't HAVE to be black but it's my fanfic so i get to do whatever i want

abilities: stamina, durability, agility, regeneration of wounds, strength, can breath underwater

You were born a long time ago, and by long I mean LONG, time ago. you had a fine childhood with loving parents, you would do mostly anything they had asked.

But you did get into a little trouble now and again (now and again meaning most times).

You were always defiant, you couldn't be told what you should and shouldn't do because you would always question it. When people in your mothers circle tried to talk bad about you, saying how you would end up on the streets or in a boarding school if you were their child, your parents would always defend you.

even when you didn't deserve it.

Your powers appeared when you were 11, slipped off a roof while spray painting and banged your head really bad, leaving a big bump and some blood. While it hurt, you healed in about an hour or 2. "Cool" you thought and never brung it up to anyone.

Stopped aging at around 20, you were overjoyed at the fact that you could stay "forever young", be wild and not get judged for it, but then reality started to dig its fingers into you when everyone loved died,

your mother was the last to go, officially leaving you with nobody and nothing. you mourned. ALOT, but realized that someway somehow you were given the gift of a long life and you shouldn't spend half of it being a depressed, lonely bitch.

That's when the frequent parties started.

You went to every exciting party that you could find. you were drunk and hungover at the same time which you didn't think was possible but it still happened. made a lot of life long and short term friends. You did every drug imaginable because due to your powers you actually thought you were immortal

but when you od'ed you backed off and stayed sober.

(had a lot of sex with men and woman)

you met every big celebrity of the decade, some were nice, some you got into fights with (most you won) Many people fell in love with you, but after the fourth person you realized they only loved you for how "wild" and "exciting" you were, they didn't like you for you.

You also took up some mma classes because you never know when you need to beat someone up.

You thought that life could never get better until you went to a short trip to England in the late 70s that would change you life philosophy forever.

Punk rock. it was like the answer you were looking for all your life, people who acted like you and dressed like you. Nancy spungen was the first friend you made in the scene, many people hated her but she was your friend. you were so close with her, that after she died you packed your bags and moved back to the u.s.

You spent the rest of the pre 2010's traveling and learning different languages, Yacutec Mayan included. Your healing abilities got better and you can now heal as fast as 9 seconds. In 2011, you finally decided to settle in Cambridge, mass.

.....

It's may of 2024. you wake up In the middle of the night due to a phone call. You live comfortably as a computer hacker and engineer, your main clients are college students who are late on assignments and lazy business men who were trust fund babies. you lived In an mediorce/could have been better apartment.

You answer the phone. "Hello?-" "I need you to do something for me, I'm outside." "I'm sorry but you need to call back to-" It ends. You, out of annoyace and slight curiosity, you grab a sweater and head to the door. you open it to see a pale, tall man with a black-slick suit on and a straight face.

He has a badge of some organization on the left side of his chest, and a shape of a gun in his pocket to the right.

The room fills with a cool breeze and a little bit of fear. "Can I help you?" you say. "I need a metal detector."

"Well i don't really have them on hand-" "I can wait.'' He lets him into your apartment, gets a chair and sits down with his legs and arms crossed. The right side of your brain wanted to start an argument with him but your left and gut feeling unanimously agreed to just do what he says so he won't like, send people after you.

You walk to your bedroom to get all your supplies while staring at the man to make sure he doesn't do anything.

You come back and with the supplies and the man is still there, staring at you intensely as you walk into the room. you clear the table he sits at and grabs another chair and you try to get to work but you notice the man is still staring at you and now your supplies.

"You know this is gonna take forever,right??" "Well it won'tbe a waste" he pats his wallet. Awkward silence occurs soon there after

"Do you want anything to eat??'' He doesn't respond. "note taken" you turn back to your work.

..

You worked well into the night, slight fear of what would happen if you stopped, which was a first. You Finally finished it at 6:32 am, yawning as you give it to him. He puts it down and gets out a slick black briefcase, unlocks the buckles, and opens it. His closes his eyes and blinks multiple times to adjust to the purple light shining on his face.

He brings out this bright purple leaf-like object and puts it on the table. he takes the detector and puts it right over it, he turns it on. It almost immediately beeps, detecting the strange thing. The pale man perks up his lips, almost creating a smile across his face but it quickly turns straight. "Thank you again" He says blankly as he brings out his wallet and gives you 12k.

He picks up his things along with the detector and leaves, the door closing softly. Normally this wouldn't faze you, you've been in room with the most infamous mob bosses, stranger things have happened in your life for sure but, this time you can't shake the feeling that something's gonna happen, something bad.

..........................

A week later you almost shaked the feeling off completely. You paid your rent for 2 months, went shopping, and bought a new guitar. You usually make your own clothes but this time you wanted to prolong the happiness.

While you were getting ready to go out, a feeling of anxiety fell over you- that you were in danger?

You took a gun and a knife just in case.

Late at night, While driving across a bridge to get gas. your tires suddenly gave out and deflated. You got out of the car to check out the problem. You opened the back of your car to get out an air pump when you heard a faint voice start to sing.

It didn't faze you at first but then you heard another, than another, than another, it grew louder and louder. folklore was passed from your extended family on to you about "mami wata" and sirens.

Of course you didn't believe it at first but when you grew older always had a pair of ear plugs on you just in case so you put them on just in time so the eerily mesmerizing voices didn't consume you.

All of a sudden a 2 ginormous humpback whales comes out of the water and on to the bridge, crushing your car and in a matter of seconds you didn't jump and roll just in time. Still feeling the shock waves of the whales, You turn back to look at the anomaly and 4 blue people jump off of them.

One woman had orange and white feathers on the top of her head and a big tall man with long hair and 2 others that weren't that memorable to the eye.

The outfits were gorgeous don't get me wrong but confusion is what you felt the most. The sirens of the emergency vehicle show up before the car itself and it crashes into the whale. The blue people look back at the car and the woman says something.

"Deshazte u Jmeyaj metalúrgico, ocuparé ti' le testigos (get rid of the metal worker, i'll deal with the witnesses.)" You try to decipher what she said In your brain but you soon realize as the other 3 are walking towards you menacingly.

You grab your gun and knife. The other two blue warriors Jump at you, using their spears to try to impale you. They stab your arm and leg but due to your powers, you healed quickly and it didn't affect you that much.

The two weapons you got were much to no use. You used your gun to shoot all three of them but it got cut in half, knife got knocked out of the fight as quickly as possible

But it was close.

You overhanded the one closest to you and roundhouse kicked the other, but they still kept getting up. Getting annoyed, you grabbed one of their spears and hit them in the head with it as hard as you could, knocking them dead with blood trickling out of their ear- creating a puddle.

While you were turned, the other one hits you with their heavy metal spear right on your upper spine. You wince in pain, the warrior raises up their spear to put an end to you but you grab the end of the metal and use it as a support beam to launch both of your feet at them for maximum impact.

(You were wearing platform boots too, so that must've hurt.)

The warrior falls back a couple inches, You felt immense pain but you scrambled to find anything because you knew the warrior wasn't gonna stay down for long. In the darkness you try to feel anything with a sharp edge for good use in the fight.

You felt the knife that was thrown earlier. You grab it and turn around to find that the spear was at your neck, seconds away from penetrating. You try every way to get out but to no avail. You looked down in saddened realization. "this is it" You thought. But then you quickly remembered

Your other hand was free.

You drop the knife into your other hand and before the warrior could react, plunged it deep into their stomach. The warrior made a sound of shock. You dragged it across the right side of their stomach until the knife came back out, feeling some of their organs in the process.

the warrior falls back and stops moving, their spear now in your hand. The man with long hair looks at the scene, just analyzing it and looking at you. "Xeen a wil ba'ax táan u beetik namora, ocuparé u este (Go see what namora's doing, i'll deal with this one)"

Both of their eyes open at the same time- Organs and bones slid back into place and flickers of life came into them, It was like Frankenstein's monster coming back from the dead.

"No. way," you said quietly in disbelief as they ran off to go catch up with namora. "No fucking way!!" you said louder as you spin your new found spear, and the fight between you and the big man co menses.

You held your ground at first, riding off the adrenaline from the other two you just “killed’’. but sooner or later the fight started to work out more and more in his favor. He was taller, more skilled, and a just a tiny bit stronger than you.

Luckily your stamina came into play because if you had gotten the-least bit tried you would have met your ancestors in the most gursome way. One point he had you by the throat up against the ground. during the struggle he kicked the spear you were using just right out of your reach.

You kicked him in the Achillies heel, nuts and used both of your legs to put him in a chokehold, knocking off his headwear. Now with him focused on the fact that he has a full grown adult on his head and that he couldn't see anything but your stomach,

You have the time to back flip off of him, use one of the spears and hit him across the face, leaving a long scar. He touches the scar- seeing the blood and wipes it away with his other finger to confirm what just happened, surprised about how somebody was of his caliber, but some weird feeling of-- respect.

"Ba'ax láayli' ma' a kiinsik u Jmeyaj metalúrgico.! [You still haven't killed the metal worker?!,]" The woman comes aggressively walking toward the both of you with the others following behind. "Tu yaan in meentik Teene' wéet túun! (I'll do it myself then!)

"Pa'atik! (Wait!)" You said and she stops and the both of them look at you. "In wojel ba'ax K'a'abet k yantalto'on kajak yéetel k'aas wa'atal, chéen ba'ale' kolnáalen bey Teeche' (I know we got off on wrong footing but I'm just like you,)"

You look for other words to say since you haven't spoken for a long while. "Je'el u páajtal in wáantikech! (I can help you!). The man laughs,

"Bixi?! (How?!)" You look for anything that could help you- then you remember your healing abilities. "Paakat (look)" You raise up the spear carefully, looking at the both of them so they don't think your being aggressive, you put the spear right above your wrist and cut yourself all the way to your shoulder.

It quickly healed. They had a straight face so you couldn't read their emotions but they all looked at each other- they finally made their decision.

"Taj ma'alo'ob (very well)" The woman takes out a green fish net bag, gets a weird story of device that looked like a can and handed it to the tall man. He cracked it open and rolled it to your feet.

2 seconds later it started to make sound, purple smoke started to come out of it. You started to feel a tingling sense in your lungs and started coughing, dizziness and nausea started to overcome you, now the tingling started to feel. Like. Burning.

The violet smoke was to overwhelming for you, you fell to the ground, last thing you saw was the woman's feathers on her head poking out before you passed out.

A/n: there is not enough namora fics!! Wattpad:saturnshaze

[sydmarch]

ok @minetteskvareninova & @caleblandrybones as promised here's everything i can find on the filming of heaven knows what & the whole "pretending to be homeless" thing. surprisingly after not finding any of the old articles i remember reading in my reblogs the first mention of it i managed to find was actually in a more recent interview i was just reading for funsies & didn't expect to be relevant here:

Though he has no formal Method training, Jones harks back to that tradition – especially in this era of actors as bland, gym-pumped corporate ambassadors. He was recommended to intensity merchants the Safdie brothers for the role of Ilya, the blade-hurling junkie in their 2014 heroin memoir Heaven Knows What on the basis that: “He will do what you need him to do in terms of immersing himself.” He hit the New York streets to understand the vagrant’s life. “I was panhandling a little bit and made $150 in a day.” You suspect there may have been the odd Landry Jones fan among the donors. He didn’t, though, as some have speculated online, go as far as shooting up as part of his preparation: “I worked with Malcolm McDowell [on Antiviral] and he told me: ‘You don’t need to do that shit. You can just be an actor.’”

this interview doesn't really get into his experience staying on the street but is kid of like a precursor to the experience that i found interesting bcus i'd actually never read about their first time meeting before:

So you met him in person for the first time when he arrives for the shoot? Josh Safdie: Yes. His agent asked us to put him in a fancy hotel and stuff. We rolled up to the hotel [that first night].

Ben Safdie: Everybody [from the cast] ended up staying at that hotel soon enough.

Josh Safdie: Yeah, he had a lot of people in that room. Everyone from the street was in his hotel room, they were throwing bottles out the window. So, we pull up to this stoop, and he was sitting in front of the hotel and asked immediately, “Why am I staying at this hotel?” And we were like, “Well, because your agent said…”

Ben Safdie: He said, “I thought you guys were real.”

Josh Safdie: “I thought this was going to be like a real situation. Where are Ari and Ilya staying?” It was about five degrees out, and I said, “Well, because it’s so cold, they stay at this Internet café on Eldridge.” He goes, “I’m going there.” I said, “Well, let’s hang out first.” We took him over to Sean’s house, and we watched a bunch of movies. And then I dropped him off back at his hotel and said, “Tomorrow I’ll introduce you to Ari and Ilya.”

But he didn’t go back to his room. He went and found the Internet café and got time on a computer, and stared at Ilya, the real Ilya, while he was passed out. He had known what he looked like, so he just stared at him and watched how he slept and everything. Arielle wasn’t there that night … Then the next day, I introduced him.

Ben Safdie: That first meeting, we were all sitting at a McDonald’s, and Caleb was just kind of witnessing Ari and the real Ilya. He was very careful not to say anything or do anything — he was just watching them. And, for me, that’s when I realized that he was going to be able to do it, because of the way he was watching. Every once in a while he would say something; he knew what to say to get Ilya on his side, not that it was phony in the slightest — he just knows people. That’s what you’d hope from an actor. He would say things and slowly work his way into the world.

also "At this point, Caleb was fully in costume, looked a lot like Ilya. He showered once, the entire shoot, maybe. He smelled horrible." lmao the dedication.

this one also isn't the one i was looking for where they actually talk about his experience prepping for the role but it does get mentioned:

Benny: I heard that on Contraband he got arrested and cost production a lot of money because he was sitting in jail for three days. For Heaven Knows What, he was upset that we gave him a hotel room. He wanted to stay on the streets immediately with everybody. He’s like, “If I’m going to be playing a kid on the streets, I want to be living with them.” Eventually, he found them and hung out in the streets. But when they found out he had a hotel room, everybody went back to his hotel room and he kind of fit in perfectly. You could see him observing and understanding everything.

i SWEAR back in like 2015 i remember reading another interview where they actually talked directly to caleb about his time filming but i cannot fucking find it & i've dug through literally every interview i was able to find for this movie. also totally disregard what i said in my tags earlier about "wasn't it filming for this when he met katya" bcus once i used my brain cells for 2 seconds i realized that doesn't make any sense timeline wise so it wasdefinitely a different time he looked homeless ig (lmfao???) bcus i distinctly remember him saying she thought he was homeless & didn't believe he was an actor but i will be attempting to dig up that interview later rn i need a break from looking at screens bye

[invisibleraven]

Accidentally confessing to each other while laughing over something for Willie/anyone? Please and thank you

Willie groaned as he looked over his schedule for the fall. He'd needed a skills course to graduate, and Dr. Butler the guidance counsellor had told him in no uncertain terms that no, he could not do Woodworking again. Which sucked, because it was an easy A involving him revamping the birdhouse he had made his first year for the third time and not losing a digit to the power saw.

So now Willie was stuck in Home Ec.

He was not looking forward to learning how to cook and sew and a course that still had a syllabus set in the 1950's where the women were expected to make a home while the men worked in ugly suits and ties. Even moreso when he learned the teacher was Miss Abernathy, who looked like she had just finished sucking a lemon every second and hated Willie for skateboarding on school grounds. And for winning the school mural design contest when she wanted her star pupils to win.

Willie just hoped she graded him fairly because he doubted he'd win in the fight over that, he wasn't exactly popular with any of the faculty given the aforementioned skateboarding and tendency to flaut the dress code.

Thankfully when he walked into the class, he spied an empty spot at the bench with Alex and Reggie. "Hey brochachos, you two doing this class?"

Alex rolled his eyes and nodded. "The computer classes were full."

Reggie beamed. "I like baking! My MeeMaw taught me how to do all this stuff, and Alex didn't trust me to take Wood Shop on my own, so here I am."

"Well I know nothing, so you may end up helping me limp my way through," Willie said, pulling his hair into a bun. Grinning to himself when Alex flushed at the move and Reggie failed to meet his eyes.

Look, Willie knew he was hot okay? And he knew that Alex and Reggie thought so too, despite their very established relationship. It wasn't like either of them were hard on the eyes either, so if they ever wanted him to join them, well Willie was game, but he doubted that was a real possibility.

Either way, it was time to focus, as Miss Abernathy walked in, her perpetual scowl present and accounted for and she told them to take out their notebooks for a crash course in health and safety regulations for this class. Willie groaned and wondered if it wasn't too late to switch to art classes.

A few weeks later, Willie was really wishing he had switched to art. He hated sewing, his fingers were constantly getting pricked with the needles, and thus all his fabric was full of small bloodstains. He was terrified of the sewing machine, even more so when Alex used it with ease and managed to make a set of placemats. Reggie had turned in a stuffed dog with a wonky head that he gifted to Willie once he got a decent grade. Willie had managed a passable pair of funky socks, but they had fallen apart in the wash when Willie wore them.

Thankfully now they were moving onto baking. At least this meant they got to eat in class, even if Willie still wasn't sure he should be trusted with spice levels given his very white benchmates. Maybe he'd keep his experiments with poblanos for when he cooked at Julie's house during band meetings.

Band meetings that he went to, because he helped Reggie design merch, helped load and unload the van with Alex. He was fine being an unpaid roadie since it meant he saw every Phantoms show for free and the Molinas fed them all every time they were over, which was pretty often.

"We're making muffins," Alex said as Willie found his seat. "Reg wants blueberry, I think carrot would be better, so you get to break the tie."

"Why not both?' Willie asked. "They might be an interesting combo. But I call not it on grating the carrots."

"That's not...okay," Alex sighed. "You're on dry ingredients, Reggie is on wet."

"You want me to use the lactose free milk sweetness?" Reggie asked.

"Nah, I'm okay having dairy if it's baked," Alex replied. "Willie you vegan this month?"

"I missed honey too much, so no," Willie replied.

"Honey?" Reggie questioned. "Not milk? Butter? Cheese?"

Alex snorted with laughter at that, and Reggie giggled, with Willie joining in. They had many a debate over his love of cheese conflicting with his occasional veganism. And how the vegan cheese downright sucked.

Willie shrugged, still giggling a little. "I like honey."

"I like you too," Reggie said, then slapped a hand over his mouth.

Willie sat up a little straighter at that. "It's okay Reggie. I like you as well, but I gotta say, not the nickname I woulda given you."

"Please, I get stuck with hot dog and he gets something better than honey?" Alex groused playfully.

"He's cowboy obviously," Willie replied. "And I like you too hot dog, don't worry."

"Well d'uh," Alex said, blushing pink. "It hasn't been super obvious what with you flirting and wearing all your crop tops to this class even after the teacher made you sit through three different videos about appropriate clothing to cook in."

Willie shrugged. "It made you both look."

"We were looking anyway," Reggie admitted. "So how about we do these muffins, and maybe enjoy them on a picnic date this afternoon?"

"Sounds good to me," Willie said, and began measuring ingredients. And maybe whisking a little vigorously, covering them in flour, just to make them laugh. Even if they got in trouble and had to stay late to clean up the mess.

Willie didn't mind, and that afternoon, he could care less about the flour still streaking his hair because he had Alex feeding him muffins (he was right about the blueberry carrot combo) while Reggie strummed his six string, serenading them both.

And Willie had never been happier he had to do Home Ec-no matter what grade he got, his new boyfriends were more than worth it.