#it says ‘fuck around find out’ for the people that understandably cant read it

[acaesic]

doodle idk lol

[007reid]

stalemate. spencer reid

join the taglist | part 1

summary: spencer reid isn't very fond of you, and that you understand. you aren't fond of him either.

a/n: this was the first spencer thing i wrote and since i cant write a lot rn , i’ll push this out for u guys!! enjoy <33 lmk if you want a p2 🤍

the team didn't welcome you coldly, but they didn't hold their arms open for you to run in, either. you understand completely. they're a family, and have worked together efficiently without you for long enough to not need a second opinion from you. yet a help wanted slot was posted and you have been waiting for an excuse to transfer out of your shitty department anyway, so you didn't have anything to loose. however, now that you sit here listening to the entire team's hearty laughter bouncing off the walls, you regret ever coming to this 'celebration,' or whatever. you regret transferring out of your old department. it was shitty, but it wasn't as shitty as this.

you feel inferior, swirling the noodles in your plate absentmindedly as you think about whether or not your old boss would let you in if you come crawling back. because you would. in a heartbeat. the bau's giggles and inside jokes were foreign to you, and you didn't want to sulk in case of ruining their mood but you can't start smiling and pretending that you fit in either; that's even worse. you would excuse yourself, saying how it's late and everything, but it's fucking seven thirty. and considering how you're surrounded by the best profilers in the fucking nation, they will read the excuses by just a single glance at your face. you'd rather not risk it.

it's not like anyone's rude to you either. you look at jj, then prentiss, then to garcia. they're all leaning into each other, completely in their element. hotch is looking at them affectionately, and you rarely see the man smile but he's smiling now, at peace. then you glance at morgan, who has his arm thrown over reid, drunkenly singing and-

reid.

it's not like anyone's rude to you, except for dr. reid, who's always on his fucking guard and keeps to himself like he's all so superior and mysterious, a man with 3 ph.d's and smarter than everyone in the room and loves to remind everyone of it.

you don't realize you were staring until he catches your eye, and you immediately look away, indignant and scowling at yourself for being caught. you stab at a piece of red pepper with your fork and aggressively bite at it. fucking doctor spencer reid, you think bitterly. he looks so miserable and irritated all the time and you hope it stays that way.

***

flashback~

it's your first day at the bau and you're so excited you can't even keep your breakfast down. you've been waiting for a breakthrough your entire career, and today is the day. you heard about what it was like working in the bau from people who have watched them. they're a family.

as you button your blouse, you grow giddy at the thought of what today would turn out to be like. everyone will introduce yourself to you, and you'll take turn complimenting each other, and then you'll find an obscure interest with every single one of them to connect over. they're a caring family, and you can't wait to receive and give some of the care as you become apart of the team. you leave with your brown bag hanging over your shoulder and a pretty, modest outfit, with your hair done not too deliberately.

the people who told you the bau is like a family was right. as you introduce yourself to them, you can't help but like these people. there is something so effortlessly cool about them, making you drawn to them immediately. jj was at the front door first, waiting to walk you in, introducing herself and the moment she finished a short woman runs towards you, jewels on her ears neck and arms clinking together as she throws herself at you, and the hug feels like one from your favorite aunt. "it's been so long since we had someone new around here!" she squealed. "i'm penny garcia!"

a woman with black hair was lingering around nearby too, and she spoke cooly and slowly, the complete opposite of garcia, "i'm emily prentiss." a man behind a cubicle poked out, his eyes kind and cheerful. he winked and said his name was derek morgan.

"you already met gideon and hotch when they interviewed you, hotch's out right now, he'll be back by afternoon. gideon's getting his morning donuts. and there's reid too," says jj. "but...hey, where's reid?"

the entire team looked around. you didn't know who to look for, but you looked around anyway.

"he was just here a second ago," penny said. "maybe he went to make copies of something."

"you'll see him later," jj brushed it off, "he haunts the place. reid is about your age, comes here early and leaves late. i'm gonna show you to your new cubicle, 'kay?"

you had nodded. jj assigned you a packet to look over, and the hour passed by with you concentrating on the packet and exchanging brief small talk with everyone to get to know them. the absent reid never showed up. by the third hour, your fingers were twitching for a coffee. you set the packet down and walked over to penny's desk, since she was the nicest and least intimidating out of all the agents. "hey," you said, slightly shy. "is there a coffee machine...?"

"oh! yeah, i forgot," she jolted from her seat. the energy in that woman never cease to surprise you. "we should've given you a tour. the lunch room is right down the hall, honey."

"grab me a coffee too while you're there, yeah?" prentiss called out to you from her desk. "black. thanks, y/l/n."

you nodded. you didn't mind picking up another cup, and doing favors for someone does make them like you better and you really wanted to fit in with the team. there was no way in hell you're going back to your old desk job; it lacked the adventure you needed and the people there had no soul to them--you shuddered at just thinking about going back there.

you found the break room with no issue and immediately bee-lined for the coffee machine. you started on prentiss' first, grabbing the green starbucks black-coffee pod from the stand. a voice stopped you in your tracks.

"she takes nespresso."

shocked, you whipped around. at the small lunch table, with papers spread everywhere was a man with brown curly hair, pushed back and out of his eyes. he looked unimpressed. you recognized him immediately; he must be the famous doctor reid who was absent from his desk all day.

flustered, you take the pod back out and puts it back in the stand, taking out nespresso. you knew better than to doubt the guy; he probably heard prentiss' voice asking for coffee and he's been around for ages, he knows what coffee she drinks. "sorry," you muttered. "she didn't specify."

he blinked slowly, and if you had just focused on his eyes alone, you would've immediately been comforted; he had kind, doe eyes, patient and gentle. the scowl on his lips and the flare of his nostrils told you otherwise, though. he didn't like you, and he's not even bothering to hide the fact. while the coffee machine whirls, you stand there awkwardly, and reid scoffed an unamused snort looking at you before turning back to his papers. you turned your back to him and stare at the steam gathering on top of the pot.

what the fuck? you didn't expect to start beef with your coworker on your first day, and yet...you rack through your mind--what did you do? maybe you offended him once on the street and he remembered your face? but you have never seen him before, you're good with faces, and if you had seen a face as pretty as his, you'd remember.

at that thought, you mentally scowled yourself. he gets annoyed just from looking at you, dumbass, you chided yourself. the coffee machine beeps, and you poured out a cup, before starting on your own.

"are you the new agent?" reid spoke again, his voice flat and emotionless but you're no newbie to the game, you knew the hostility was there.

"i am," you said, turning around and found that he was already looking at you, trying to sound as confident as possible. you thought it worked, but when his eyes racked your face for tells, you hesitated. "i'm y/n y/l/n."

"i'm spencer reid," he said. you hide your grimace. i know. "sorry i didn't come out to greet you with everyone, i was kind of caught up," he said, gesturing to the messy pile of papers on the table, but his voice didn't sound apologetic at all. you could take a hint.

"no worries," you said lightly, "i understand."

he narrowed his eyes. you repeated what you said in your head. it was a perfectly normal thing to say. what was suspicious about it? he nodded once, and the coffee machine came to save the day as it beeped softly. you turned around, poured yourself a cup, then headed for the door as fast as you could manage.

"it's nice to meet you doctor reid," you said hurriedly as you're out the door, remembering your etiquette. you want everyone here to like you, remember?

"likewise." he said shortly. and that was that.

end flashback.

***

you've been working at the bau for five months now. you'd say you know everyone pretty well, and the team made room for you to slip into their lives generously. all of them except for--predictably--doctor spencer reid. he keeps his guard up dangerously high and whenever he does decide to acknowledge or address you, it's to prove you wrong or to tell you that you're on to jackshit and you should shut the fuck up.

well. he never said that to you specifically, but you know he wanted to say it. it probably recites in his mind like a mantra.

you thought you had got along with everyone pretty well, minus the doctor you won't speak of, but now that you're sitting here at this team party, you realize you haven't made any progress at all. the team doesn't need you; since you're on the team, all they can do is to be polite to you and accept you as one of their own, but at the end of the day, they're a family and you're just the stray cat lurking outside their house looking for any spare food or love.

outside the office, jareau, prentiss, garcia, hotch, morgan and reid becomes jj, em, pen, still hotch (but more affectionately), derek and spence and you stay as y/l/n. you're tough, and it shouldn't make you feel so upset but it does. you suck it up and laugh along with everyone and you are fine with that, as long as at the end of the day, you get to throw yourself in bed and scream the frustration out into your pillow. it was starting to look up a little bit, until doctor spencer fucking reid has to go butch it all up.

jj and emily has their heads all together along with penelope as they shout out which man she should swipe right on tinder and somehow, you found yourself sandwiched in the middle of these women, genuine tears springing up to your eyes from how hard you're laughing. emily is creative with her insults and it leaves you and jj hanging onto each other shaking with laughter, holding each other in place so that the both of you wouldn't end up on the floor. you feel good. when you look up, however, you see reid's sneering, obnoxious face looking back at you, a beer on his lips and morgan talking next to him but he's more busy looking down on you. for the past five months, you've been letting it slide--emily had pulled you over once and told you how reid feels about change, and you tried to get it, you really tried, but there are limits to your trying.

you try to ignore him and turn back to penelope's phone, jj and emily oblivious and still going at it and yelling out "left! left! dear god, get that man off the screen!" but the excitement is drained out of you. you shake the thought in your head; it's not that serious, you tell yourself, but another part fights back. it is serious. he might be smarter, and more experienced, and works faster, and better, but you both have the same job. he doesn't have any right to be such a fucking dick, and what the hell did you even do? you had just walked in the office one day and when he looked at your face, he had decided immediately that he wanted you gone and have tried to express it as openly as possible ever since.

you don't understand, and you don't know what you did to deserve being so looked down and underestimated. and it hurts, too, and from just a single read of your face he must've known how much you wanted it, to be apart of the team; he's definitely doing it deliberately.

okay, the last part isn't true. you're just paranoid. you untangle yourself from the group, saying over and over again "gotta use the restroom guys...i'm sorry, i'm sorry--" and when the attention is off of you, you walk over to spencer and grabbed at the tacky sweater he has on, dragging him up.

"hey," he whines, annoyed but giving up to you easily. you can sense morgan's amused stare but you ignore it. when you're both almost out the door, he yanks himself out of your grip. "i can walk by myself, okay?" it's dark, but you know he rolled his eyes. you lead him outside to the back of the place and he follows closely behind, but not without grumbling about it. "what do you need?"

you pat your back pockets for your pack and the front pocket for your lighter. usually, you'd ask your company if they're okay with you smoking, but that's the last thing you'd be doing when it comes to spencer. cupping your hand over the cig to prevent wind, you light the cigarette up.

"you smoke?" spencer asks. he sounds surprised.

"sometimes," you inhale, keeps the smoke in your lungs for a second, and exhales, making sure most of it blows into spencer's face. you can tell that it did, but he didn't cough. poker face, you'll give him that.

you take a couple more breaths and spencer (surprisingly) waits for you silently, and when you don't feel like smoking anymore, you throw the cig on the ground and grind it with the rough heel of your boot. you look up at him.

sometimes, you get mad at spencer for how unreasonably pretty he is. he has these big eyes that you swear has glitter in them because they're so fucking beautiful in the sun and when he smiles (which is rarely, around you) the lines on the sides of his face scrunches up like a chipmunk and his eyes would crinkle until it disappears from how wide his smile is. it makes you want to bash your head inwards.

the moon, shining on his face and highlighting his high cheekbones and the wisps of his curls is not helping your case right now. you wonder how a person so beautiful can have such an ugly personality. you know that spencer's personality is not entirely ugly, though; you've seen the way he acts around the team, but when it's you, he transform into an entirely different person. no one has ever been able to tell you why. he's nerdy and giggly and has this charming, childish energy to him when he talks, and you've seen it, inside meetings you're not in and when he doesn't know that you're around.

you're sick of it. without his cruel act, you think you and spencer would make great friends. he's the only person about the same age as you in the bau, and he takes the train home, just like you do. he's afraid of walking past this creepy abandoned movie theater on his way there and you are too. you both read toni morrison and children's books. it's a shame.

you look at him, and it's the only thing you can think about. it's a shame.

"why do you hate me, reid?"

you mean for the sentence to sound demanding, like a confrontation but it comes out weak and wobbly. you feel your guts being punched out of your body from the embarrassment. you sound pathetic, and you're afraid to look up, afraid to see the ridicule on spencer's face and you wouldn't blame him for it. but all you received is silence and when you look up, spencer just looks confused. he stands there like a victim when he's the one who's been acting like nothing but a total ass to you. and that caused the rage you needed.

"answer the damn question, doctor," you say harshly. this unfreezes his out of his trance, and he looks down. it's quiet for a while, and right when you were about to start demanding again, he says, quietly:

"i don't hate you."

and it sounds like a bad fucking lie.

"you don't hate me?" you ask, your voice a lot calmer than how you feel. "you don't hate me but every time i open my mouth it offends you? you don't hate me but you sneer at me all day long, every single time i look at you you're already looking at me thinking about how fucking stupid i am. you don't hate me but on my first day you abandoned your desk to work in the fucking lunch room because you didn't want to see my face. i don't know what the fuck i did to upset you, reid, but whatever i did i don't deserve this bullshit you're putting me up with!" you didn't realize that your voice was getting progressively louder until you're yelling, unconcerned and unaware of the raging party inside. "i get that you don't like me, okay, but i-"

your yell turns into a gasp when spencer grabs your face and crash his lips against yours, aggressive and all teeth. before you could even register what's happening your body goes pliant and you unconsciously lean in, but then spencer rips away and you and shoves you forward like some cheap doll.

"what the fuck?" you murmur to yourself, trying to gain back your balance and spencer's quick to catch you swaying on your feet. his hand finds its way to your mouth.

"goddamn it y/n, keep it down," he whisper-yells. "the entire team must've heard you--"

"get off of me!" you demand, but it sounds muffled and distorted through his hand . you thrash around but he holds you steady, too firm for you to fight against.

"promise not to scream and i will," spencer grimaces. you go limp and quiet and he slowly moves his hand and then backs away, like some scared deer. "wasn't that so hard?"

you stare at him. he's leaning on the railing now, looking at the moon. the moon looks back at him.

you try not to think about the small seconds after he’d kissed you and what it meant. it means nothing. "there are better way for you to get me to be quiet," you say, a little bit angrily. you should be fuming, but you find that you no longer have the energy. he turns to you.

"i didn't think it through."

"you not thinking through something?" you snort humorlessly. "i guess there's a first time for everything."

spencer sighs. “y/n…”

it’s the first time he’s called you by your first name, and it doesn’t help his case at all. "you still haven't answer my question, reid," you say, as coldly as possible (which is not much, admittedly. all the rage you've bottled up over these past few months you've already wasted on that rant and now you just feel tired. and you want to go home).

"i'm afraid i don't have an answer you'll be satisfied with, y/l/n," spencer spits back, matching your tone. maybe even colder. it shocks you a little, how a person with that sweet of a face and voice can be this much of an asshole. it's a waste of a human, honestly.

and it's not that you're saying spencer reid is handsome, either, because handsome doesn't mean anything if the person is a jerk. but everyone can admit he's easy on the eyes. conventionally attractive, one could say. a conventionally attractive jackass, one could also say.

"you're saying you just hate on me for so reason?" you say. "i'm a profiler too, reid, not some intern running around bringing everybody coffee. i see the way you are with other people. you act like a fucking angel, kind and considerate, but when it comes to me--"

"the team, they're my family, y/l/n," he snaps, "i'm sorry for not treating you like family when you're just a stranger." and it hurt, but you give him that one. you know that you're not one of them, it's been made painfully obvious to you, on multiple occasions, each blow harder than the last. but that's no excuse to treat you like a piece of shit, like a brick laying on his way. what, did he act like that with everyone too when he first entered the job? causing scenes with emily and hoping she won't punch him in the face for it?

"i'm not asking you to treat me like family, reid," you grit through your teeth. for a genius, he can be so fucking dense. "i'm just asking you to treat me like a coworker and not some inexperienced kid who just waltzed into the place with no qualifications. is that too much for me to ask?"

he stay silent at that. a breeze visits, and his curls dance. you unconsciously wipe at your lips, the feel and memory of it still photographic on your mind.

after a while, you get tired of waiting. "if you're not going to say anything, i'm going home, reid," you say finally, not expecting a response and not receiving one. not surprised, you turned away and start to head inside. you stop by the door. "i know i'm not really 'part of the team,'" you say, scared that you might sound too honest but it's hard to care too much now, "it's too late for me to transfer back to my old department, they've already replaced me. if i could, i would, and get out of your hair. i guess i'm sorry for not being what you expected."

the moment the words slipped out your mouth, you cringe. you're starting to sound way too weak and you don't want to sound that way, especially not in front of spencer reid, who's probably going to torment and laugh at you inside his big ass head forever. you leave before you can say anything else even more stupid and humiliating. spencer doesn't leave his spot.

***

when you come into work the next morning, it's like the entire world flipped.

there's a fresh cup of coffee sitting on your desk, still steaming and the logo on it says it was from the coffee shop close to the office. when you look around, trying to find the perpetrator you catch emily's eye across the bullpen, who smirk and shrug innocently.

you stride over to her cubicle, eyes glancing briefly over spencer's. his satchel is there, but he's nowhere to be found. you set the cup on her desk, the hard paper making a loud, confrontational sound. "explain."

"i don't know what you're talking about," she says, blinking her lashes. emily can be a great liar when she wants to, and right now, it's like she's not even trying to put in the effort. you narrow your eyes. something's definitely fishy.

"yes you do. tell me."

"i don't know what you're talking about," she repeats, stubborn and sly about it. "somethings should explain themselves."

"who left coffee on my desk this morning, prentiss?" you demand, a step away from stomping your feet like a child. she's playing unfair.

"take a sip," emily says, a suspiciously plotting smile on her painted lips. "see if he got the order right."

"so it's a he," you say accusingly. "you do know who it is!"

"'course i do," she scoffs. "now take a sip."

you could only oblige. bringing the cup close to your lips, you take a precautionary sniff. "there's no poison in here, is there?"

emily snorts. you take a careful sip, clicking your tongue, judging, and then tipping your head back and getting a large gulp. it's possibly the best coffee you've ever had in your life. you don't know why you haven't visited the place earlier. it's definitely exactly what you take in your coffee, alright, but better. it's sweeter but sharper, and it tastes like heaven on earth. you could bathe in it if you could. it's godsend, and that's an understatement.

"jesus christ," you breathe, looking at the sticker on the cup in wonder. emily chuckles.

"so he did get the order right," she says proudly. "knew he would."

"emilyy," you move onto your next strategy. if pressure doesn't work, bribery will. "who bought me this. tell me and i'll bring you coffee from this place everyday for a month." it's a win-win for both sides. you're going to start visiting this place from now on anyway, might as well pick up an extra one for her. it's a small price to pay for such a sacred piece of information.

emily remains firmly resilient, not falling into your bribes. it's fair, emily takes black, and it's hard to mess black coffee up. it probably tastes the same everywhere. damn her. "two months," you challenge. nothing. "three!"

bribery, crossed off the list. next strategy. if bribery doesn't work, whining will.

"emilyy," you cry, clutching onto the coffee as you turn her chair back and forth, spinning her in frustration. "please,"

perfect timing as always, hotch passes by, coffee cup in his hand and files in the other, frown already edged on his face despite it being so early in the morning. "y/l/n," he scolds. "stop bothering prentiss and start on your paperwork. prentiss, no phones."

without another word and two eyerolls behind him, hotch walks away. you start towards your desk but you leveled emily with your best puppy eyes, but she doesn't budge. you settle at your desk, and start pulling out things from your bag. if she doesn't want to give you the information, you'll figure it out yourself.

so a guy bought you coffee. thank god there isn't many guys in the bau, making the list easier for you to narrow down. drawing up a mental checklist, you immediately cross spencer reid off, making sure his name is blacked out by a red marker, memories of last night are still floating around in your brain.

morgan is next on your list. he is a plausible target. he's a sweet talker, after all, and loves to flirt, but the person he would bring coffee to is garcia, not you. they're basically work spouses. and if it was him, why would he start bringing coffee to you now, all the sudden? and there's no way morgan would've known how you liked your coffee, he doesn't remember his own sometimes and liked to switch things up. morgan gets crossed off lightly with a number two pencil.

hotch is next. definitely not. he doesn't even offer to pay at social events (but always end up paying). he shouldn't even be on your list. crossed off lightly with a number two pencil.

rossi. rossi's got the mind storecloud of a computer, he knows everything and pays attention to everything and remembers everything. its what makes him such a good unit chief. so he definitely would've remembered how you take your coffee. he probably knows how everyone in the entire fbi takes their coffee. but if it was rossi, emily wouldn't have been so sly and secretive about it, because there's nothing special to hide. rossi gets in one of his affectionate moods sometimes and is pretty obvious about it. once he got garcia a whole box of designer chocolates, or whatever those were. rossi's name gets crossed off lightly with a number two pencil.

you evaluate your list, stumped. you start lingering on spencer reid's blacked out name, considering it before scolding at yourself. no chance.

"whatcha thinkin' so hard about?" penelope asks lightheartedly, bouncing by. she stops at your desk, an inquisitive smile on her face. you look up and she squeals. "ooh, your coffee's received!"

your attention's immediately grabbed. "you know who bought me this?"

"don't know a thing!" penelope sings. she does a zipping motion at her mouth, throwing the zip away. "ping! the zip is down the drain."

"what are you and emily hiding from me?" you demand. "however much the guy is paying you to keep quiet, i'll pay you double!"

penelope whistles, and emily spins around in her chair to face you. "that is a pretty good deal," penelope says. "but the guy paid us his loyalties, and well..."

you sigh in defeat.

"and unlimited donuts every monday from now on," emily quips.

"i can do the unlimited donuts!" you say enthusiastically. finally, something you can work with. "every monday and fridays. how about that?"

"sorry honey, no deal," penelope grins, flaunting away. emily smirks irritatingly from across the room. you go back to work, but your mind lingers on the list.

who?

***

the coffees start to become a stable. you found that it's no use picking up your new favorite coffee from the shop because when you walk into the office, there'll be one waiting for you, still hot.

the profiler gears start turning. it has to be someone who arrives only minutes before you. maybe a secret admirer from another department? but then there would be an identifying note, a card for a date or something. no secret admirer would go under the radar for that long, and how you he know how you take your coffee?

you crafted a plan. you're going to start coming to work a ten minutes earlier and hide out in the dark. it should've been an immediate solution, but its so desperate you wanted to have it as your last resort. when you have bribed and begged everyone on the team for the identity of this man since apparently the entire team fucking knows and wants to keep from you, you decide you have to pull out your one last ace.

right before the morning that you were going to do it though, the entire team got flown out to arizona.

you'll do it when you get back.

***

something is extremely strange about spencer reid.

he's been strange ever since the night you dubbed in your head as the conversation, avoiding talking to you unless he absolutely has to and when you do get partnered up together, he would treat you like an acquaintance. not a rival. it's a fresh breath of air from being the end of his cruel comments to someone he's reluctant to work with, but it's definitely an upgrade.

so you did manage to get through his thick head.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

i have left

hey everyone this will probably be the last thing i post on this blog albeit im keeping it up for resources.

im eternally grateful for how this community has helped me through prostitution and everything, i have amazing mutuals and i have learned so much 💜

but it has become toxic. many of yall cant handle disagreement and default to being as condescending and obnoxious as possible. one of us calling out a post is not enough, we have to dog pile everyone with a slightly shitty opinion. some of yall have severely lost the plot if you ever had it in the first place. not everything is that serious, especially when it comes to online drama.

im sick of it. so many engage in the same bullshit we accuse online trans activists of. this is an echo chamber. so many just mindlessly parrot slogans and arguments. what im very sick of is seeing single tweets or posts by a nobody, usually anonymous, being spread as receipts and shit. you know how annoying it is when everything a self proclaimed terf somewhere on social media says is taken by trans activists at face value and representative of the community when theyre not even radical feminist, just transphobic? yeah. yet a lot of yall do the same by saving and sharing „receipts“ where some random person who claims theyre trans (or not even) says some fucked up or out of pocket shit. you will always find people like that online, from any politicial „camp“ or ideological alignment!

a lot of yall seem to think that debate is about winning and not like, having an exchange of arguments and let the audience come to their own conclusion

and i just dont hate trans people. in fact i feel kinship to any female or homosexual trans person, anyone except heterosexual males. many of yall dont even realise how male centered you are when you more or less equal the trans community to heterosexual men who have a fetish for humiliation and forced feminisation or whatever. who exist and are an issue and i do wish the trans community at large would distance themselves from those men, but its not all there is to it. yes i agree that we need to protect vulnerable young people, girls and especially lesbians and gay boys, from being pushed into transitioning, i think the age of consent should be put at 21 or something, but we have to acknowledge and consider that there are people who have already transitioned and will transition in the future and i just dont understand how you cant have any empathy for them. no matter what you think about transition, many trans people ARE vulnerable and marginalised. plus consider how many detransitioned women are in this community yet yall talk about trans people as mutilated and shit its gross. in the end we can only try to establish structures that keep people from self harming, but an adult of sound mind has the right to do so anyways, including plastic surgery and trans surgeries. and i want to keep my arms open to them; but a lot of rhetoric around it spread on here will only alienate them further.

right now im saving all my essays in notes so its out of my mind. i have missed the community a lot so maybe i will return at some point but i have also been feeling better since i stopped being on radblr. i miss the rare valuable input and thoughts by other women but overall i have felt unaligned with how things have been handled on here. it has been mostly negative instead of constructive and pragmatic. ive had the impression some of yall enjoy the „being in the in-group“ community aspect more than actually being here for feminist exchange. lack of nuance, lack of empathy, lack of reason. it pains me but i have more and more come to understand why people just block us without engaging on general suspicion because ive also come to be annoyed with some of yall engaging with posts - and im on „your side“.

anyways im doing okay, im going to drug counselling regularly now and am trying to establish a stable life for those of you who inquired, and i hope anyone reading this is self reflected enough to know whether this applies to her or not. bye

[l0vem41l]

heart for brains.

「 tws + notes: no tws, unedited, hurt/comfort-esque but not really, fluff (?) sensitive reader who loooves being tough, a few pet names are used (darling, lovely—) but sparingly because i can never take things seriously 」

「 gn!reader, can be platonic or romantic </3 」

↳ ft. asra alnazar, julian devorak, lucio morgasson, muriel of the kokhuri, nadia satrinava, portia devorak

author's note: less of the “One Bad Thing happened and it fucking destroyed me” type of sensitive even though that’s so real and valid and more of the "big emotions are slowly killing me always" type. sorry if they're slightly ooc! i'm playing the game again,,,, eventually :> need to get their dialogue right AWIOFJWRIHFW (┬┬﹏┬┬) more lighthearted in lucio’s part (cant stand this bitch!!!!! /affectionate), and unfortunately nadia’s and portia’s are criminally short (；′⌒`)........ i love them i just haven’t played their routes also also!!!! used some borders from @cafekitsune in this!! lmk if it makes things easier to read cuz i might keep it! (☆-ｖ-)

" life's hard when you're soft. "

▸ ASRA has grown the most familiar with your routine. you’re not quite fragile, as he’s come to discover— just that you tend to swallow your emotions down with a smile, only for them to rise back up at the slightest inconvenience. in a few moments— as predicted— the tears stinging in your eyes finally begin slipping.

he gently cups your face, even as you attempt to hide away and avert your gaze, drying your cheeks with his fingers. you swear to him, through mumbles and sobs that you’re trying to toughen up— you’re really trying— while insisting there’s no reason for you to be upset about your little predicament while you choke back the sob rising in your throat. they know you too well for those feeble attempts to convince them.

��shhh… it’s alright. it’s alright.” asra’s voice is understanding. patient. they wouldn’t care if you were crying over the smallest matter in the universe right now. all their focus is on calming you down.

while asra believes and insists that your capacity for strong emotions is a blessing and not a curse like you tend to think, he does wish that your tenderness would not be so abused by the world around you. at the end of the day, he reminds you that you’ve got his love— that he’ll always be there to wipe your tears away— but will always secretly wonder to himself about why you continue to be so recklessly kind.

even so, you’re never to blame for your big heart in their eyes. and slowly, everything they do to make the world a better place is in hope that one day, the world will be sweeter to you.

▸ JULIAN does quietly and internally freak out when he first sees you cry— not because he doesn’t know what to do, but rather because he hadn’t expected seeing you, out of all people, like this. you— the person who always seemed to find something to be happy about instead of dwelling on your misery. you— who frequently brushed off inconveniences and upsetting circumstances with little to no thought. you— who always bounced back, always saw it through.

oh, but he could never be upset with you for crying. not at all.

he knows he can’t just leave you sobbing your eyes out. so, with the sensibility that he has, he gently guides you to a quiet place for you and allows you to lean against him. he’ll attempt to talk you through it, even if you don’t feel like speaking, hoping that the one-sided conversation of his ramblings will at least distract you, if not soothe you.

your head to his chest, he takes one of your hands in his, while the other gently grips your hip. tells you how brave and strong you are— even if you don’t seem particularly inclined to believe him at the moment, shooting a small glare at him through watery eyes as he says these things.

“i wasn’t patronizing you,” he says, eyebrows raising slightly as your shoulders tense, “i mean it.”

you take a deep breath, gauging the sincerity of his words, before finally relaxing.

“‘m sorry… it’s stupid— i know it is. you shouldn’t have to do this.” you sniffle.

for a moment, julian only shakes his head in response, his thumb caressing the top of your hand as he squeezes it. “but darling, i want to.”

while he’s not as attuned with your emotions as asra, julian is good at getting you to calm down. will definitely do a few breathing exercises with you to help you ground yourself, in between his affirmations and reassurances.

▸ is it really all that surprising that LUCIO is completely clueless? in his eyes, everything was going completely fine for you two seconds ago— or so it seemed. here he was, just coming by to check on you, only to watch you crumple into yourself, hiding your face in your hands as you muttered a half-hearted “go away.”

he’s too stubborn to listen to that. besides, even he knows he’d be a massive asshole if he just left you like this. instead, lucio sits right next to you, shoulder pressed up to yours, and asks about what happened. perhaps pester is a better word.

while not intentionally rude, he’s slightly dismissive of the situation at first, wondering why in the world something so trivial would matter so much to you. it takes a second, but lucio backpedals on this immediately when he realizes you're not calming down, you're getting worse. your breathing grows quicker and more tears spill— you don’t even reply to him. oopsies. silent comfort it is.

he’s not completely useless. instead of using words, he’ll put an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side, allowing you to cry it out for as long as you need. part of you wants to question when he gained the capacity to shut up— but you don’t feel the need to be particularly snarky at the moment. he’s trying his best to be sweet to you.

will be more attentive for the days after, assuring you that you needn’t give into the urge to “toughen up” when he’s around.

“stay soft, i can fight.” he grins, giving you a wink that makes you roll your eyes at him almost instinctively.

still, the tiny laugh that escapes your lips ends up betraying any sort of exasperation you meant to convey as you playfully hit his bicep as you tell him to quit. was his tone light hearted? yes. was he kidding? of course not. 

▸ there’s a moment where your lip quivers and your eyes water up that makes MURIEL feel like he’s looking into a reflection of himself somehow. his heart sinks completely at the sight of you breaking down, as he searches for the right thing to say.

he’s flooded with relief when you make an attempt to speak first, even if it’s just you stumbling over your words to lie directly to his face.

you take in a shaky breath, awkwardly shrinking yourself away by crossing your arms. “it’s fine, it doesn’t matter—”

“it matters to me.” he replies softly.

muriel is much better at listening than he is at speaking in these situations, so he allows you to vent all you need as you cry. you feel these emotions so deeply, so strongly— he wonders how you managed for so long concealing these feelings.

“yeah… i get it.” he murmurs, nodding when you rant. to his horror, the tone comes out much more blunt than intended— almost sarcastic— but you know that he understands the minute you look into his eyes. he’s nothing but honest.

after a moment of silence, he asks what you need. you don’t verbalize, instead opting for awkwardly gesture with open arms, half expecting him to hesitate at your request. instead, much to your surprise and his he simply brings you close and sets you on his lap. holding you in his arms like he’s afraid you might break if he tightens the embrace any further, muriel hugs you like you’re the most precious thing in the universe.

leans more on acts of service as a form of comfort as well. will bring you water, blankets— will even brave the market to buy you your favorite snack. anything for you.

▸ NADIA’s first attempt is to deal with it logically. initially, she asks you a lot of questions, asks what she can do better— but ceases the minute you struggle to respond, only shaking your head while the words incoherently fall from your lips between sobs.

she sighs, realizing her short-comings. now isn’t the time for problem solving. you need comfort. “forgive me, lovely. i didn’t mean to upset you further.”

LUCIO TAKE FUCKING NOTES.

her embrace is loving. it almost feels like she’s trying to shield you from the world and it’s harshness towards you. nadia plants a kiss to your temple before allowing you to rest your head on her shoulder. as you stay in her arms, she rubs your back, promising that everything will be alright.

she’ll make sure of it too. will 100% throw a sharp glare at anyone who accidentally intrudes on this moment.

▸ it’s almost instinctual, the way PORTIA responds. you haven’t said a thing, yet she notes the way your hands begin trembling, eyes brimming with tears. she immediately gets protective, asking which idiot made you feel so upset with full intention to beat their ass if she ever crossed paths with them— but questions no further when you don’t reply.

physically affectionate as ever, with your permission, portia kisses your tears away, pressing her lips to your face sweetly as she cradles it in her hands.

will not baby you for being sensitive, but will grow more defensive of you. of course she knows you can handle yourself like you keep on reminding, but you’ve been doing it for so long. too long. shows you that she’s right there to support you no matter what, always on your side.

" you've got our love "

— reblogs always appreciated!

[freemansgirl]

killer

pairing: amber freeman x fem reader

summary: reader is held at gunpoint once amber finds out that reader knows her big secret. (inspired by nate pulling the gun on maddy scene in euphoria because that is A CLASSICCC angst scene and one of my favorites in media)

warnings: gun, dark!toxic!amber, amber is being manipulative, amber not being a good girlfriend, emotional abuse, physical abuse, amber pulling a gun on reader, reader is crying, traumatized reader

it’s not like you wanted this to happen, same can say for amber. you didn’t mean to trip over the ghostface box that had her costume and knife in it, it was accidentally sticking out of the bed. you never seen the box before and opened it out of curiosity. this was all a big mistake, amber tried to keep it a secret from you as much as possible. at some point, this was going to happen… some secrets cant stay hidden forever.

“amber, have you lost your mind?! what the fuck is this, how can you keep this a secret from me?!”

“you weren’t supposed to find this, (your name).”

the two of you began to get into a heated argument, you felt the need to run away because you know you can’t DATE a serial killer, it’s morally wrong to do that. your friends, family, and everyone around you would hate you if they knew the truth. as you begin to try to run to get to the doorframe in amber’s room to escape, you felt a very familiar pale-skinned hand grab your wrist, yanking you, causing you to fall back a little. “not so fast.”

once you turn around and want to open your mouth to protest amber to let you go and leave you alone, you see something black and shiny is pulled out of her back pocket… it’s a gun. you can feel a chilling spine crawl all over your body, your hairs on your body are standing up while you look at her with widened, scared eyes. “i love you, i love you, i love you.” you say rapidly, as you try to calm her down and pray that will help her put the gun away so she doesn’t kill you. you hear a small yet sinister chuckle escape her mouth as she looks at you with an evil smile. she knows you’re saying this out of fear to escape the moment, not because you actually love her, she’s not stupid. mindy tells her about all of the time about manipulation tactics from the victims side in abusive relationships in movies, plus amber has seen way too many horror movies to see how this plays out in abusive relationships or how people beg for mercy when a serial killer is about to end their lives.

she puts the gun to hip of your body and she seems to lead you to her bed, as you start to frantically look at her, unable to read her blank expression. “you’re…. scaring me… put the gun down…” you say, biting your lip to prevent your lips from trembling for a bit. she still had a blank expression, her eyes never blinked and looked deeply into your soul. you hated when she would sometimes do this in an argument, when she would purposely show no emotion so you couldn’t understand her or predict her next move. your girlfriend tilted her head to the side and smirked…, “good, that’s the point.” is all that comes out of her mouth. the gun is still adjusted to your hip, her hand is sitting on your thigh as she gently sighs looking into your watering eyes.

“now, you know i… love you right, baby? you know i know you a lot better than everyone else around you, just like you know me better than anyone else around me.” she whispers, as she rubs your thighs lovingly, you can feel your whole body tense as it begins to shake. she begins to look down at the locket necklace she has on her neck, she opens it and stares at the happy picture of you two… moments before disaster… she starts to sigh again. you start to stare at her, once again, before you shake your head agreeing with her. “now… let’s see if your words match your actions.” she says, as she leans above you and presses the barrel of the gun towards your head, the muzzle pressing more into your forehead skin. “stop, stop, amber…. please stop, i won’t tell anyone, i won’t go to the police… just let me go and we can talk about this!” you yell to her as you start panicking as you move backwards due to intense force that was on your head, as you feel your back pressing into the bedsheets. the words don’t do anything to her, as her figure is officially above you now with the gun still against your forehead.

“shut up!” she got loud and angry for a second before her facial expression returned to normal, “just… quiet down, princess. i don’t want anyone hearing us, (your name), do i make myself clear?” she spoke, sternly with a serious look in her eyes as you nodded. she didnt like the fact that you got loud, worried about the fact if anyone in the neighborhood can hear you from the window. speaking of the window, she got up and closed the blinds so no one could see the scene. she walks back over to you, hovering above you like she was before with the gun pressed against your forehead again.

“hm….” she hums softly, looking at your saddened and shaking figure, you start whimpering, more and more as tears spill out of your eyes. “back to what you said earlier about talking things out, i like this way of talking more, straight to the point and simple.” she says, as her other hand caresses your face softly. you flinch from her touch and look away to the side, this causes her to get mad and grab your face roughly. “you say you won’t go to the police, right? you say you love me, right, despite me being a killer? swear on it.” she says in a scary and upset tone, as she is breathing heavily on you.

you start to get quiet and as she starts talking to you, too scared to answer. “answer me!” your girlfriend grabs you by your shoulders with her left hand, keeping the gun on your forehead with the right hand. your body was so shaken up from fear and trauma, causing you to sniffle and hold back your tears. all you did was stare at the girl you love, trying to open your mouth but all that came out was choked sobs. this was another one of amber’s tests… she truly needed to see if you loved her, she wanted to know was what you had was real with her. first, she asked you would you still love her even if she was the killer one time you guys hung out…. you did say yes because you know how her humor is and didn’t take her seriously… but now you’re stuck in this… disaster. “yes, i won’t tell anyone, please! i love you too much to do that to you, baby, i won’t tell anyone, please just believe me!” you scream back at her, freaking out and you just wait for her to put the gun down.

she stares at you, still feeling unsatisfied with your performance, she nudges the gun into your forehead. “fucking swear on it!” the raven haired girl yelled, her voice was laced with fury and her eyes got larger. when you stared into her eyes, you weren’t dealing with amber freeman, you were dealing with ghostface. this is not the girl you ended up in love with, the same girl you smile, kiss, hold hands, laugh, cuddle, have sex with, have movie marathons with. this is not the same girl that cuddled and protected you through all of the ghostface murders just for her to be the one responsible for it. this is a whole other person.

“i swear! i swear!” you yelled at her. this is finally what was able to satisfy her, she finally smiles now that she got what it is that she wanted. you can feel the weight on the bed shift as she gets off you, giving you a bit of space. she walks to you, she begins to rub your shoulder as she gives you quick reassurance. you start to flinch from her touch, your body is curled up in a ball. “hey, sweetheart, it was just a joke. there’s no bullets in the gun, see?” amber says, holding the gun up to show you the inside of the barrel. that makes the situation even ten times worse than it already was. she sees all of this as some bullshit joke, she didn’t even care about the drama and harm she caused to you.

honestly, amber didn’t WANT TO DO THIS… she needed to do this just to make sure there was trust and loyalty between you two. “i’m sorry, baby, i thought you would know better enough to know that i’d NEVER hurt you… i’d never kill you. i love you too much to do such sick, twisted things.” she says, as she begins to grab the black box off of the ground. you couldn’t believe the words that came out of her mouth, she claimed that she would never hurt you, but she did. she begins to start getting ready as she slips on the infamous ghostface black robe. “if you loved me, you’d never do this. if you loved me, you wouldn’t put me through this!” you shout at her from across the bed, holding your knees against your chest.

but that’s the issue… the fact that she did this to you… that makes her a killer. this is her true nature. she could feel herself getting frustrated as she lets out a laugh while looking over at your cuddled position. “and if you loved me, i wouldn’t have to do this if you wouldn’t tried to leave. anyways, i have places to be and things to do.” she walks over to you about to place a gentle kiss on your cheek but you flinch away from her again and seethed your teeth. “don’t touch me!”

the reaction that you gave amber caused a smile to tug at her lips. she sighs, not wanting to deal with your attitude because she had better yet important things to do. she’ll have to just deal with you later. as she begins to just turn her back on you, amber grabs her mask and shoves her knife inside of her pocket. she starts to walk away as she leaves to go to her car, leaving you stranded and crying all alone on the bedroom while she plans for her next kill.

don’t worry, this is only the beginning….

[hyperref-lex-ia]

lots of common reactions i get as a mute person

all the following are peoples reaction when they assume i am deaf, the most common assumption

- flustered and lifts hands to try and sign and then lowers them when they realize they dont know ASL

- flustered and starts to sputter and talk before settling on mouthing things at me

- mouths “can you lip read”

- talks really loud at me (which wouldnt do much if i was deaf so idk)

- goes to find something to write on

- sometimes if i type on my phone in my notes when i need to say something other than yes or no people will go to literally take my phone from me to type back instead of literally anything else

- signs some of the more common sign, i get thank you a lot (especially in customer service situations, which is where most of these happen)

- if it is someone on the street saying something and they assume im deaf when i sign at them they usually just disregard me which is actually really nice

these next ones are when people dont assume im deaf, which is rarer

- talks to me normal

- talks to me like im dumb

heres a few nice incidents

- guy asked me if i was mute in spanish and i nodded and he asked if i knew spanish and i was like not really lol (live in a heavily hispanic area so i picked up on enough to understand) and he switches to english and shares about a talk he had gone to recently about mutism

- girl working at sonic assumed i was deaf and ran inside just to grab her phone to help me which i thought was really sweet so i just didnt correct her

- just today i was using the self checkout at a gas station and the guy behind the register sees me getting frustrated with the card reader and slides over a piece of receipt paper that says “tap works better” and i am like “i dont have tap” and i decide to just cancel the self checkout and move to him cause hes got good vibes and he holds the bag up and raises an eyebrow allowing me to have a choice in it which i dont often get. when i am leaving he signs “have a good day” super slow and obviously practiced a lot, and the fact that he obviously learned that just in case this happened made me really happy

- every time someone has happened to know ASL in public, its always surprising how many hearing/verbal people know ASL, almost always because they are CODA

- the enthusiastic gay man at my eye doctor who got so excited when he saw i signed even though he doesnt know it, because he thought it was so cool

- every person who goes “oh you speak ASL” and then immediately thinks about thay sentence and kind of 404 errors out as they realize you cant speak ASL

- the tiny middle aged mexican woman who has worked the store at my school the entire time ive been going there who knows me because i always go there for caffeine and snacks, and manages to always communicate with me despite a couple language barriers and will often berate me if i dont get water with my caffeine or if i dont get food, and who also wishes me happy holiday for every holiday that comes around, and was also very visibly worried when i had to rely on a cane for a few months

- my painting professor who always takes so much pressure off because hes so blunt, when i came in with a cane everyone danced around asking about it and he walks in and goes “what the hell happened to you??”, the most recent thing that made me laugh is we were talking and i was using TTS and as we are walking into the studios he goes “im gonna go talk with Ronnie, give your thumbs a break” and then we both started laughing

the worst interaction ive had

- had one of my professors numbers which happens sometimes because it makes life easier and she texted me out of the blue saying she “had a dream she was at my wedding and i spoke my vows” with heart emojis and i did not know this woman at all and i was like…what the fuck…not only is that unprofessional but also ableist

lastly shout out to my friends who translate for me purely off lip reading who dont know ASL

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

what's your take on odasaku and dazai's idealization of him?

also any takes you want to share about bsd/bsd in general?

(If you don't mind, I'm also interested in your thoughts about verlaine if thats ok 😭) tyty

who's your fave bsd character and whose the character from bsd you want to have more screen time?

i think its another case of projecting onto someone and it fucking things up. like notably how kouyou projects her own feelings abt light & dark onto kyouka. we just dont often see it that way because what oda does is like. stereotypically good? he uses his dying words to push a friend out of the dark. a death motivating others to act and furthering their character development is classic storytelling. you go into bsd knowing dazai is on the "good guys" side (not that the ada are "bad" but obviously reading bsd as a good guys vs bad guys story is. wrong), so clearly it worked out. so you kind of overlook the surrounding events yk? plus dazais own idolization of oda hammers that in. dazai tells atsushi that "He was a friend of mine (...) He’s the reason I quit the Port Mafia and joined the agency. I’d probably still be killing people for the mafia if it wasn’t for him" in dead apple (the lightnovel. im not going to go through pulling up the movie for this fhfhtndj). and so aside from previous bias people are going to take what dazai says at face value. hes thankful oda showed him the "side that saves people" and of course we're going to agree with that. the thing is. again. projection. now i havent actually finished dark era (i am working through it) but a lot of the time it feels like oda is just shoveling off all his feelings about being "someone meant for the darkness" onto dazai when thats something thats not going to be true for. well. anyone really? and his final conversation with dazai is very influenced by that. he says "You told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be able to find a reason to live... (...) You won’t find it (...) You should know that. Whether you’re on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity". now the thing is this is kind of a fucked up thing to say to an 18 year old with suicidal tendencies, but odas view of dazai makes it seem like a well needed wake up call. he obviously had good intentions. hes trying to "step into that solitude" but because of his flawed view of dazai he kind of. stumbles. dazai up to this point has been clinging onto the hope that he'd find a reason to live by observing the entire human experience. now oda comes along and dazai thinks hes found someone who understands him better than anyone, and oda tells him hes not going to find that. ever. so he should become a better person and make the world a good place. and also he's dying. so dazai, as we've seen, takes these words to heart. so hes not going to find a reason to live but he should also make the world a better place. good cool got that. so i think he gets a bit too comfortable being collateral for a good cause. and hes already convinced hes not going to find anything here, so of course hes not going to find anything. does that make sense.

i dont think ive phrased anything correctly here but like anyway i think with all his other friends around he'll be able to sort things out there. i cant see bsd ending without any sort of resolution for him in this regard yk.

[drdemonprince]

if you ever have the time and space to answer this i'd be very thankful

how can i take any let downs by friends less personal and continue giving people chances/inviting them in and being vulnerable without hurting myself/gettung hurt in the process? i'm guessing the answer is to find a balance, but are there ways to go about it easier? no matter how much i try to communicate and and manage expectations... i appreciate my friends greatly, but still i often feel let down when they cant come to things that are important to me though i understand that things can happen and theres usually reasons for not being able to make something and i am not their priority number one in a system that exhausts all of us- it just keeps happening and i don't want to grow bitter and alone but cherish the people in my life and trust they are trying their best

I think you can start by practicing being more flaky and unreliable and more reliant up on your friends' grace as well! When we feel resentful, it is often a sign that we are doing far too much, and not having our needs cared for. I used to be one of the most reliable mother fuckers around -- it was my senior superlative, actually, Most Reliable! ha! -- and I resented just about everyone for being less put together, less likely to follow through, less prone to doing what they said and saying what they'd do than me. I was a bitter little Type A overachieving cunt who considered myself superior to everyone (in part because my hyper literal Autistic ass believed that if you said you were going to do something, that meant you absolutely Had to Do It and Why Would Anybody Lie about a thing like that?)

Today I am a fuckin MESS and I am a much better person for it. I amble up just barely on time, I cancel plans, I forget things, I tell someone I can't make it even if in the most literal sense I could but I don't feel like it -- and many of my friends are tired, spent, fuzzy brained exhausted messes too! And it's fine! I have some friends that I regularly rely upon to cancel our plans because it frees up a little extra room in my schedule that I always wind up needing. I'm not mad or disappointed in them for bailing, my ass is relieved because I definitely have some shit to get to myself and probably four other people that I'm kinda letting down at the moment. It's not that any of us lack concern for one another, that's just what being a busy adult is in this day and age. We have work and creative pursuits and lots of friends and fucking and exercise and tile to regrout. Shit happens. It's not a big deal if I end up needing to see the movie solo or if we need to reschedule our breakfast date. Shit happens. I have too many actual problems to make a problem out of someone having a hangover and not being able to show up to my birthday or whatever. I missed their birthday last year, but I'll make it there this year, and maybe next time they'll make mine, too. The grace of accepting chaos washes it all away. My friends are my fellow comrades in the fuckin trenches and we each get to make one another's tours a little less miserable by understanding shit's crazy and fucked and that none of it is personal and that at the end, we still love eachother and are doing our best.

With time, may you find that kind of serenity and that ability to just keep on moving in life rather than fixating on the little slights and unpredictable things that will happen whether we fight them or not. Don't read too much into anyone's cancellation of plans or lateness or flakiness. Put your mind toward more interesting problems in your life, ones that some thinking can help solve. Easier said than done, but you'll get there. If my bitter anal retentive ass could become so sloppy and lovingly blase so can you!

[n0vabug]

I never meant for this to happen

So basically this story is about the reader and Sam fighting because Sam wants to leave NY, and then she says something that makes the reader really upset and the reader tells Sam to leave, then Sam feels bad and tries to call the reader but the reader doesn't answer and Sam goes back, turns out the reader was attacked by ghostface and then there is more that I don't want to spoil 👍👍

This Contains: Fights scenes, blood, gore, angst, fluff, mentions of depression and mental illnesses, and more, if any of these make you uncomfortable, I recommend that you do NOT read this!! Also if I write in bold in the story, that means ghostface is talking. Words: 1573

Y/N'S POV "PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE SAM, WE JUST MOVED HERE AND BECAME FRIENDS WITH ANIKA AND ETHAN AND QUINN, PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ME SAM, BY LEAVING NEW YORK, YOURE LEAVING ME, TARA, CHAD, MINDY, AND EVERYONE ELSE." Tears were forming in my eyes as I spoke, I was upset, I knew that I shouldn't have yelled but I did anyways. She was trying to leave again, but this time, I didn't want to leave, I wasn't going to leave and I told her that, she promised no matter what happened, we wouldn't leave again, I can't believe her.

"I HAVE TO YOU DONT GET IT, I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS ALL OVER AGAIN, I JUST CANT Y/N, YOU COULD COME WITH ME." Sam said, I honestly felt bad for her but why couldn't she just ignore it, I honestly was mad, but sad?? Idk I just wasn't happy about this, I also hate yelling and fighting, which made me feel even worse.

"HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH US, WE HAVE NO IDEA, ITS HALLOWEEN, PEOPLE ARE GONNA DRESS UP AS GHOSTFACE, ESPECIALLY SERIAL KILLERS, PLEASE DONT LEAVE SAM, I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU." Warm tears were streaming down my face as I spoke, my voice broke mid sentence and I was trying so hard not to just completely break down.

"Y/N, YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND THAT WE COULD DIE BECAUSE OF THIS, YOURE TOO BUSY BEING DEPRESSED ZONING OUT ALL THE TIME TO EVEN NOT....ice, shit i'm so sorry I swear I didn't mean it." She paused when saying notice, she realized she messed up by saying that. But did she just bring up my fucking mental illnesses, wtf. The warm tears stopped as I looked at her with betrayal and sadness in my eyes, why would she fucking bring that up. I think she quickly noticed what she said too because she looked at me with pure regret and sadness.

"Get out sam." I didn't even hesitate to say that, I truly loved her and didn't want her to leave NY, but I needed her to leave my apartment, I couldn't be around her at the moment. "No, wait, I'm sor-" "GET THE FUCK OUT SAM." I know it was wrong of me to yell, again, but it worked because she walked out as quickly as she could. The second she slammed the door, warms tears were pouring out of my eyes again and I couldn't breath, I love my girlfriend so much, but why would she say that, I know she didn't mean it, but still. I walked out of the living room, and walked into my room, trying to calm myself down.

After 5 minutes, I get a call from an unknown number, I quickly try to calm myself so I sound like I wasn't just crying, so I pick up. "Hello?" I said "Hello Y/n" The voice is a bit familiar, too familiar, and not the good type. "Who is this?" I quickly asked. "Are you a little upset Y/n, poor sam, she was only trying to protect herself from getting killed, she didn't want to deal with this a second time, but you took it the wrong way. Shut her out. Didn't even give her a chance to apologize, now poor sam, she's out on her own, what if she gets butchered all because of you, y/n." Shit. Shit. Shit.

Next thing I know I'm running out of my room, towards the door. I can't let Sam die, she's one of the few people who stayed after finding out about my past and my problems. I had to get to her.

Next thing I know, a cold metal blade was pressed into my thigh, with a guy in a black costume and white mask. I screamed as blood dripped down my thigh and bled through my jeans. I then felt the metal enter my stomach 3 times, then get twisted, I screamed as loud as I could, hoping someone would hear me. "Any last words, Y/n" "Is sam ok?" I struggled to speak but managed to get those words out, I truly needed to know if Sam was okay. I needed her to be okay. The guy in the mask then stabbed me in the shoulder one last time. My eyes felt heavy and fluttered close until all I saw was darkness...

SAM'S POV I left the apartment, tears streaming down my face. I didn't mean it. I love her more than anything, and I did not mean what I said. She is the greatest person I know, even if she did have some problems, but so did I, and we were overcoming our problems together, she didn't leave me even after she found out about Billy, I didn't even think about leaving her after finding out about her mental illnesses, so after we moved to NY, I could tell she was happier and getting better, and I know me leaving, broke her heart, I could see the sadness in her eyes and the tears streaming down her face during the argument. I had to go back.

I started walking back towards her apartment and as I did, I picked up my phone trying to call her, even after arguments that we had, she always answered my calls, she was really quick at answering because she always had her phone on her at all times, but this time, she didn't pick up. So I called again. no answer. I was starting to worry, maybe she was just really mad and still wanted to answer, but I was still worried. I started walking quicker until it turned into me running. I had the key to my girlfriend's apartment since she had a spare, and since I practically lived there. I unlocked the door. "Y/n?" I look around until I see something that I wish was a dream. Her lifeless body. In a pool of red liquid. "Y/n?" Tears formed in my eyes. "Y/N PLEASE WAKE UP!" I called 911, as I talked on the phone, I broke down, tears streaming down my face. This is all my fault.

I tried putting pressure on her wounds, but the bleeding didn't stop and the paramedics were taking to long. I picked her up, her cold lifeless body in my arms, her apartment was on the fifth floor, I had to run down the stairs with her, as I ran down the stairs I yelled for help. "HELP" "SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!" I kept saying, until I reached the ground floor, where I met with the paramedics.

They put her onto a stretcher, bandaged her wounds as much as possible, and then put her into the ambulance. I got in the ambulance with her, and held her cold but soft hand the whole way there. I felt terrible, I never meant for any of this to happen.

We arrived at the hospital and they took her in to get stitches since her wounds were deep, so I had to sit in the waiting room until they called my name. After about 45 minutes I got called to the back, "Samantha Carpenter, Y/n L/n is out of surgery, she isn't awake but if you want, you can go wait in her room until she is." "Thank you, I'll go wait with her, what's her room number." I'm glad she was alive, I still feel terrible, all I felt was guilt, if I didn't argue with her and if I just chose to stay in NY, maybe none of this would have happened. "314." Said the lady at the front desk, I walked to room 314, my footsteps grew quicker within each step I took.

I finally reached her room, I opened the door, and pulled a chair next to her bed. She was still asleep, I hated seeing her like this, I just can't help but think this is all my fault. I sat beside her bed, with my head down and one hand on the bed. After a few minutes, I felt a warm and soft touch on top of my hand, I look up, her beautiful y/e/c (your eye color), eyes were looking directly at me, while she was smiling.

"Omg, Y/n, thank god you're okay, I was so worried, I thought you weren't gonna make it, listen I'm so sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen, this is all my fault, I never wanted to leave NY, and especially leave you, I don't think I will leave NY now because I need to keep you safe, but I shouldn't have argued or even yelled, and I feel especially terrible for bringing up the mental health thing, I didn't mean it I swear, I promise you that I never meant to hurt you, I'm so sorry, ple-" I was ranting until I felt her soft lips press against mine, we kissed until we both ran out of breath. "I forgive you sam, I know you didn't mean it, I love you so much" She pulled me into a kiss again, this time a quicker one. "I love you more, I'm never leaving you again." I said, before I hugged her, I hugged her tighter than I ever have before, but also tried avoiding her injuries while hugging her, I love her to the stars and beyond.

A/N I wrote this whole thing while being half a sleep, and really distracted because my bsf was over while I wrote this and I kept pausing in the middle so we could talk to each other. I can't really tell if I like this or not, I don't 100% love the little fight scene at the beginning but idk, there are things that I could fix with both of them. Idk but let me know if you want anymore, also thank you to whoever reads these because I think these are shitty a lot of time and seeing that people actually read this makes me happy so thank you so much!! <3

UPDATE: I HATE THIS SM, THE FIGHT SCENE IS LOWKEY STUPID BC I DON'T THINK SAM WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT, BUT HERE IS ANOTHER ONE FROM WATTPAD THAT WAS MADE IN MAY😭😭

[wolfxplush]

........u wouldnt happen to do oc x cannon would u........

because im in need of ted x emery..........

she is so not normal when it comes to ted and i cant explain

Oh you know I do!! Here you go!!!

Emery and Ted Thompson Dating Headcanons:

- Ted is drawn to Emery’s intelligence, finding her sharpness refreshing compared to the typical attention he gets. He loves the challenge of being with someone who isn't afraid to speak her mind. Plus what kind of girl would say no to him?

-Emery is. He found the jock annoying and pushy. A waste of a brain who slobbers over girls in skirts like a hound dog with a bone steak. She was pushed to the edge far too many times but the brute. His persistent courting attempts left her broken down, she eventually said yes to ONE date.

•Their conversations often turn into heated debates, and while Emery’s temper flares easily, Ted finds it amusing. Sometimes, he purposely says dumb things just to watch her get frustrated.

- After a big argument, they tend to cool off in their own ways, but it rarely takes long for one of them to send a half-hearted apology text, which leads to awkward but sincere makeup moments.

•Emery hates being around Ted’s jock friends, finding their constant jokes annoying, and she’s not afraid to snap at them. Ted finds her reactions hilarious, but sometimes he has to mediate when things get too tense.

- Ted tries to attend Emery’s study groups or more intellectual hangouts, but he often gets bored or makes an inappropriate joke, or picks on one of the other fucking lose- Nerds. Emery is quick to put him in his place with a swift and strong kick to the dull headed jocks shin to shut him up.

•Ted is possessive in a way that isn’t too overbearing, but he makes sure people know Emery is his girl. He’ll throw an arm around her shoulders or pull her into a kiss when someone talks with her, even if she’s the one brushing it off.

- Emery is prone to overthinking and can get jealous, especially when girls are openly flirting with Ted. Her snapping at him after these incidents usually leads to a tense but passionate argument, which Ted often defuses with humor.

•Ted shows up to support Emery during academic competitions or when she’s particularly stressed about exams, even if he doesn’t fully understand the importance. His presence, while sometimes irritating, oddly comforts her.

-Emery helps Ted study when his grades are slipping, but she’s not exactly patient about it. Ted thrives on her tough love, though, and finds her bossiness during study sessions oddly attractive.

•In public, they maintain a bit of a push-pull dynamic, with Emery acting exasperated by Ted’s more laid-back, carefree attitude. But when they’re alone, they’re more vulnerable with each other, though Emery still struggles to fully relax.

- Ted loves seeing the softer side of Emery that comes out only in private, like when she’s curled up reading or letting herself unwind after a particularly stressful day.

•Their arguments can sometimes get a bit toxic, with Emery’s temper causing her to say things she doesn’t mean and Ted shutting down emotionally. They both have a tendency to be stubborn and not talk things through right away.

- However, they never let fights drag on too long. Ted has a way of pulling Emery out of her spiraling thoughts, usually with humor or a simple, genuine apology. Emery, in turn, knows how to push Ted to be more honest with his feelings, even if it’s through gritted teeth.

•Ted loves surprising Emery with little acts of affection, like bringing her favorite snacks when she’s studying late or carrying her books despite her protests. She pretends to be annoyed but secretly loves it.

- Emery, despite her constant irritation, has a soft spot for Ted when he shows his vulnerable side. If he ever feels down about something, she drops her tough exterior and is surprisingly nurturing, though she always downplays it later.

(God I hate gay people /j /j get a room.)

[ebisul]

TCW Rewatch: Season 2 Episodes 12-15

The dreaded mandalore arc post. Im going to be upfront, if you dont like me slandering Satine just dont even read the post. Turn back now. I’m not going to engage in dumb arguments. If you want to comment be civil.

I try to be as objective as I can writing these. I call it as I see it even when i do like the character. However I also recognize the tone can come across as aggressive, its not meant to be I just Talk Like That.

Anyways, enjoy!

Episode 12: The Mandalore Plot

* Obi wan sent to Mandalore to investigate rumors about a secret army built for the separatists

* “All of our warriors were exiled to concordia. They died out years ago” thats fucking weird. Like if we’re talking just Death Watch thatd be whatever they’re terrorists but all of the warriors?? What about Satine’s Guard? Do they not qualify as warriors? Or are they allowed because they’re Satine’s warriors

* Amec awfully defensive about Jango Fett being mandalorian. “Jango Fett was a common bounty hunter. How he acquired that armor is beyond me” what exactly makes someone Mandalorian or not?

* Satine is so hostile just as soon as she enters. That doesnt look good for your case, Duchess, considering you want to prove you have no intent of turning against the Republic. bad political decision.

* Sabateur is mandalorian. Amec really going hard on the denial "no mandalorian would engage in such violence. not anymore" babe you have Video Evidence of the exact opposite

* Satine assumes this whole thing is because the Senate wants to intervene in the affairs of Mandalore

* wild assumption considering obi wan has done nothing thusfar outside of try to get answers for his investigation. awfully presumtuous and honestly arrogant all things considered

* get her ass, kenobi

* i find it so hard to believe these two are supposed to have been in love

* Ok so now you mention Death Watch, not earlier when you were throwing around baseless accusations where that information could have been necessary??

* "its hardly a movement" a small group of hooligans typically doesnt warrant secret officials rooting them out. all this tells me is that she knows about death watch and refuses to do much of anything ab it. what does she plan to do with the investigation?

* The separatists want to help overthrow satine

* Satine trying to lecture Obi Wan on peacekeeping and Jedi ideals is fucking audacious. “The job of a peacekeeper is to make sure that conflict does not arise” and what when conflict does? You cant always prevent conflict. The conflict is already there so arguably Obi Wan has a more understandable and realistic point of view here.

* Also terribly ironic that an act of terrorism occurs as they are having this conversation. This isn’t Peace. Its ignorance.

* “Hooligans couldnt have arranged an attack of this scale” “It must be an offworlder” denial is going to get your people killed

* Side note: the sheer amount of blonde white people makes me so uncomfortable for this to be an idyllic state of peace for mandalorians. Especially when any mandalorians we see who are poc are stripped of their mandoness, or cult members (this is in reference to Jango and Din, im uncertain of what sabines family’s political views were)

* Damn

* That man shot at obi wan while he was trying be diplomatic ab it would she blame him for self defense? Thats fucked up especially bc shes totally cool with self defense when she does it

* Obi wan got hands

* She is being so suspicious

* She criticizes him every chance she gets, and rather unfairly too

* What do you mean they’re supposed to be in love? They dont even act like they Like eachother. Obi Wan has had kinder interactions with most of his main villains

* The pre vizla death watch entrance is unfortunately kinda badass

* The dark saber having a different sound effect scatches the brain

* Obi Wan (correctly) believing the separatists are supporting Death Watch and Satine immediately saying no i want no part in that conflict is weird. Like thats not a decision you make. You joining the clone war is not what hes talking about, The Death Watch dont care about what you want. I dont even know how she turned this conversation into a “i wont be part of this war and you wont convince me” discussion when he literally didn’t say anything of the sort

Episode 13: Voyage of Temptation

* I didnt even notice the scene of Satine expectantly waiting for Obi Wan to kiss her hand last episode until this episodes recap. I hate it that feels condescending

* This is where they start revealing that they had or have feelings for eachother and I simply Cant See It

* The way she talks down to obi wan constantly and even seats herself above everyone else like bro have literally any fucking respect for others outside of yourself

* The spider droid deaths are already so dark

* “Even extremists can be reasoned with” Duchess YOU are an extremist and you clearly can’t be reasoned with, just because your extremism isnt violent doesnt make it not extreme

* And again pacifism is ineffective in the face of an uncaring enemy, you fight or you die

* Im only like 1/4 of the way through this episode

* I feel like they try to push obitine so hard it just falls flat for me because their negative interactions outweigh any positive ones

* Anakin seems to really be pushing Obi Wan to have feelings for Satine but it comes across as Anakin projecting his worries about his relationship with Padme onto Obitine, because if Obi Wan can do it its okay that he can. Except Obi Wan doesnt, he lets it go

* Ooh creepy clone puppet scene

* I love when star wars tries to be spooky scary

* “Just because im a pacifist doesnt mean i wont defend myself” you mean like how last episode you said if obi wan had killed that guy you would blame him even tho he was just defending himself?

* Also Another assassination attempt… surprising…

* “This line of questioning borders on torture” arguably no it doesnt??? What harm is it causing? Emotional distress is already caused by the fact that there is a traitor present releasing the droids in the first place

* Senator Merrik was on Mandalore with Satine, is he from Mandalore? Who is this guy? Hes the Senator for Kalevala in the Mandalore system

* The fact that Satine could be betrayed by literally every single one of her close colleagues is honestly telling of how her peace was just a facade used by her enemies to blindside her.

* Merrik looks so disturbed ab Satine suddenly confessing her love

* Me too

* Also the fuck you mean youve loved him ever since? Youve been treating him like shit this whole time???

* At least the distraction worked, as uncomfortable as it made me

* Merrik, as shitty as he is, makes a decent point about if Satine shoots him or not, She’s politically backed herself into a corner

* “Who will strike first and brand themselves a cold-blooded killer?” Enter Anakin

* I do think had Anakin not been there Obi would have done it for the greater good, or found a less fatal way about it

* Yes Cody, please interrupt the moment

* Why did her attitude change so drastically at the end?

Episode 14: Duchess of Mandalore

* So Death Watch has the means to attack Mandalore and if Satine allows Republic occupation then Death Watch’s attack puts them in the people of Mandalore’s good graces allowing them to usurp Satine

* Obviously palps wants to do this for a power grab, Jerek could well have been another of Satine’s allies betraying her although im not so sure. He calls for Republic assistance against Death Watch becasue he sees them as a threat, calling out the Pride of the government to not ask for assistance from the Jedi.

* Either way this could have gone, it would always end the same because to maintain peace you have to Fight for it. That doesnt mean you have to be violent but you cant be ignorant of it either

* Arguably Satine is correct about the Republic occupation making them a target for the war and she has the right to remain neutral but what exactly is her alternative plan to deal with Death Watch

* Those guards of hers dont seem very pacifistic

* Damn friend zoned lmao

* So far Satine in this episode is at least more tolerable and I understand where she’s coming from

* What the republic is doing IS wrong but shes not offering an alternative to stopping Death Watch to protect her people

* Isnt she allied with 1500 other systems or something like that? Why did she go to the Senate at all?

* Thats underhanded(holding the vote without Satines presence or knowledge)

* Ok assassination yet again

* Running away is not the most intelligent decision from an innocent woman

* Neither is attacking the police

* I feel like this could have been avoided

* Ok thats a cool scene

* So are there warriors on Mandalore or not? You arent going to combat them effectively without a fight, its unrealistic.

* “The temerity to stand strong in the name of peace” so what exactly is the plan to protect the people of Mandalore from Death Watch. You can’t just say nuh uh and expect them to back down and submit to pacifism, they keep saying theyll stand strong but they haven’t mentioned anything about what exactly they will do to stand strong against Death Watch

* Mandalore escapes Republic occupation

Episode 15: Senate Murders

* A group of senators want to escalate the production of troops, Padme and her allies recognize this will prolong the war and is working against it

* Padmes enemies are accusing her of separatist conspiracy, if this gets out to the rest of the senate she is absolutely fucked

* Ono assassinated, they actually succeeded this time

* Where do i know this lieutenants voice? Its grating just like his personality, no offense to the va

* Mothma and Bail both act like parental/older sibling figures to padme, im a whore for that shit

* I wish I could hate this guy more but the dracula vibes go too hard im sorry

* Oh shit dracula is dead as hell

* I do love a good murder mystery, idk why i was so apprehensive about this episode

* Is it Lolo?

* As much as Burtoni sucks, i do believe her when she says she doesnt give a single fuck enough to kill these people, she just has that vibe

* Yeah i knew it

* Ono made the decision he did because the Rodians were starving and need the help the Republic couldn’t be bothered to expedite, it was a mistake made out of hope for his people to live

* I love when Padme throws hands

* The clones will continue to be “manufactured” although it doesnt say whether or not they will be creating more faster, i thought that was the original plan

* Manipulative bitch

War Crime Counter

Separatists: 9

Republic: 5

im counting the act of terrorism and the assassination of the informant.

Im uncertain if Ono and Dracula’s assassination belongs under Republic or not tho

[azurlily]

Caitlyn with a shy s/o sfw and nsfw please✊🏻

I got chu! (To all pls dont repost or reblog without crediting me)

Caitlyn Kiramman with shy S/O

Caitlyn absolutely adores you. You too first met at a party her parents were holding. She saw how pink your face was and how you were hiding in the corner.

When she worked up the courage to talk to you, you to she immediately noticed how quiet you were.

Over time she tried coaxing you out of your shell. Finally when she asked you out she decided to take it upon herself to be your own little protector.

She's so sweet, she loves taking you to secluded places. She knows you dont like being around a lot of people and she always takes that into accounts when taking you places.

You want to go somewhere but it's too crowded? No problem! She'll use her parents money and her enforcer stance to clear the place.

If you like books she'll read them to you.

When out and about she'll have a tight grip on your hand. It's her way of reminding you you're hers and that you dont need to feel shy when she's around.

Not very touchy, but along with holding your hand she'll hold you closer or wrap her arm around you to soothe you.

She understands what it's like to not like being around people so she coddles you a bit more than she would if you weren't so shy.

She'll set dates up so their secluded and have little to no one(that isn't supposed to be there) around.

Loves how pull her a bit closer when you're feeling particularly shy. It secretly drives her crazy to have you pressed up against her like that.

She definitely spoils you! I'm sorry but this woman will buy you whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want it.

She is such a fucking sugar mommy. Dont remind her though, she gets all red in the face and cant look you in the eyes.

Will watch you when she thinks you aren't looking. She smiles knowing you're hers. It makes butterflies fly in her stomach.

I cannot explain how much this woman adores how your face changes when you're somewhere you want to be. She takes you to a special restaurant, cleared of everyone but a couple staff members to serve you.

A small smile forms on your face, you're happy she thought of you like this.

Caitlyn fucking melts. My lord, the things she's going to do to you later...

NSFW UNDER THE CUT

Pleasure dom. I'm sorry but this woman will have you begging for more. When she gives you more, though... you regret asking.

She knows you're shy and uses that. She like to put you in embarrassing positions and scenarios.

She loves the idea that your heavy breathing, pink face, and wet core are all for her. She loves to remind you of your place.

She'll fuck you in front of a mirror and let you beg her.

She makes you keep your eyes open as she does it. She loves the way your eyes water and you look like you're in pain, but she knows better.

She overstimulates you without a doubt. She loves you begging for her to stop while she sits in her chair and watching you writhe on the bed.

You nee her to stop? Too damn bad. If you weren't so cute she wouldn't be doing these things.

On days where you need her to be soft and gentle shes a completely different person.

She leaves small hickeys while eating you. God does she love to eat you out. She finds your squeaks adorable.

She lays you down and spreads you out, she's so sweet with you. She can't help it, she hears you whimper while her tongue is between your folds.

She reminds herself that she needs to be gentle. She cant slut you out tonight. She isn't allowed to break you, not tonight at least.

She loves it when you squirt. I'm sorry but this woman is absolutely disgusting in the sheets. She loves you squirting because it tells her she fucked you that damn good.

"Oh, princess! I didn't know you had it in you! I'm so proud, now open your thighs up. I'm not done making your pussy mine."

And she'll say all of it with a smile on her fucking face.

[muwapsturniolo]

https://www.tumblr.com/muwapsturniolo/761092106641129472/i-understand-a-lot-of-people-are-pissed-about-what?source=share

PREACH!!!!! this escalated to body shaming nick and wishing death upon him rather than the actual topic on hand. im a nick boy 4ever but what he said was wrong and he needs to be aware of that. however that doesnt mean ppl should hate on nick for no reason. ive seen like for real body shame him now, like real nasty stuff. as someone who had body dysmorphia and an ED, reading those comments really hurt and they weren't even abt me. ppl need to focus on the ableist thing he said. even before this comment ive seen ppl hate in nick repeatedly for no reason and like say shit to him that was actually too far, especially with the comments about his body. as somone who also has autism and stims a lot i truly didn't find harm in his comment and i found it funny cause me and my friends joke around like that as well, but i understand why it would hurt someone out of 7 million ppl. i feel like he truly didnt know the meaning of what he said and said it with no malicious intent l, but he needs to know what he said was wrong and he needs ro be held accountable. however this doesnt mean that ppl should say he should die or call him a fat pig or loser (ive seen comments like that and worse a bunch) bc thats js not right. as someone who grew up w out any neurodivergent ppl around u cant just hate and go off on someone if they say something rude or disrespectful when they truly didnt know what they were saying or didnt know any better, the important thing is to tell them that's saying stuff like that is wrong and rude. nick is 21 years old so he should be held accountable but shouldn't be called fat, ugly, or an evil monster (once again true comments ive seen). once again i feel like this some ppl in this fandom like year ago and up until now found things to hate on nick like say some really messed up shit w out any reason or sense into their words. (most of them are just fueling the their parasocial relationship with matt and chris bc nick was slighty mean around them). nick should 100% be held accountable for this, but he shouldn't be degraded and shit on to this degree. a lot of them (not all) didnt like nick in the first place and started body shaming and saying that he shouldn't even be a part of the sturniolo triplets at all, which is taking thing out of proportion. i do hope nick says smth about this bc ppl out here are saying some really nasty shit that even flared my insecure ass's negative mindset off, and it wasnt even directed towards me. moral of the story imo nick said smth fucked up, even if he did it unknowingly or w out bad intent or just even didnt truly know what stimming meant, and he should understand how it hurt ppl and should say smth about it, but that doesn't mean ppl should blow things out of proportion and body shame and ridicule him just bc they dont like him (and some want to fuel their parasocial relationship w matt and/or chris i fear). the focus should be abt the ableist comment itself. sorry if this is too long i just wanted to put my side of this debacle out here and i really hope this made sense, love ya a bunchhhhh

This was a lot but I agree ! Body shaming and calling him all these names is doing way too damn much! And telling him to die is insane! People have hated on Nick from the jump and just want to ridicule him for everything!

I have a theory that people are growing out of the triplets/ the hyper fixation is dying out and they hate that they are growing out of it so people start hating to justify it.

Like it’s ok to pick out the wrongs your fav has done, but to start going this hard by wishing death on him, calling him fat etc, it’s too much.

[sweettoothvn]

Sweet Tooth Character Questions (Part 2)

Welcome to part 2! We have a lot of these questions from the Sweet Tooth server, feel free to join us here!

Questions under the cut (doing this to not clog main blog!! ^^)

"How would they react to their partner getting jealous?"

Andre is worried why his partner seems so upset. He abandons whatever conversation he was in the middle of- (i would like to point out this man is so horribly dense he does not understand he's being flirted with. You have to spell it out for him.) anyways he sits his partner down and tries to have them talk to him about what the problem was. If you try to tell him to go back to having fun, he refuses and spends the rest of the day with you. You take care of him so he takes care of you, thats what you're supposed to do and he loves you no matter what.

Casey isnt as dense as he plays. He pretends that the person who is talking to him isnt flirting. Desperately, he's been trying to pull away from the conversation- and then you come around- sure you're jealous and probably upset either at him or the stranger- but he's never been so thankful for you to yank him away. He reassures you and tells you how thankful he is. Massive cuddles and candy binges will soon ensue.

Chrys is the type to typically flirt back with whoever is flirting with her. She doesnt mean it. She's planning on building up their ego then watching it all fall down when they realize (even after she told them she was taken by you and that she was VERY serious about it-) that no they cant have her and they never will. She will try her best to explain this to you, realizing that yeah from a distance it did look like she was intent on cheating on you. She'll try her best to make it up to you, cooking for you, cuddling you, complimenting you. Anything you need. She's right there.

David typically is bored of talking to people. The minute someone starts flirting with him when he's already in a well established relationship that he has made sure everyone knows about- well he shuts the other person out, rudely interrupting and asking if they're 'done yet'. If they try anything, David will use his words to beat them to the ground until they realize he sees them as nothing. You might try to pull him away jealously- only then will he realize what effect this has had on you. He rarely shows his soft side, he doesnt like being vulnerable around people. But you're always an exception and you've taught him that his feelings are valid. He will do anything he can to make you feel loved. Read to you, cuddle you, allow you to play with his bunnies. He might run his hands through your hair and sing a Russian lullaby his recent brother would sing to him.

Eddie tends to cringe when people flirt with him nowadays. He used to welcome it when he was floating around, trying to find someone who might understand him. And now that he has you, he could wish for nothing more. He makes it VERY clear he's not interested- he's even gone as far as smacking someone if they tried to touch him. When you approach him, he gets confused why you're jealous at first. He didnt do anything wrong did he? He made sure he wasnt interested, he was positive! Oh well, despite his lack of interest in affection, you'll find yourself swaddled next to him in a pillow fort, binge watching weird series as he may or may not talk over them-

Kieran is pretty well known for fucking around. Quite literally. It's apart of his reputation. And now that he's in a serious relationship he regrets it horribly. It was fun when it lasted, but the reputation he garnered from it... he doesnt enjoy the attention as much as he used to. You taught him how consent works and how to say no to people. He never noticed how handsy people tended to be with him. He tries to be polite, something rare for him, telling them he isnt interested. If it escalates it will increase to yelling and go so far as to harming the person if they go any further. He doesnt want a repeat. Never again. He sees you're upset and goes to comfort you, hoping maybe you can comfort him as well. You'll lay in his bed as he tells you how much he loves you. Simply just holding you and talking to you alleviates that intense anxiety from before. He's never felt so safe.

Noble waves the person off. The first few words of a pickup line and even the slightest lustful look- he's walking away. They're not worth his time. He made sure to stay by you no matter what. Metaphorically and physically. Call him clingy but he needs you. And you need him. The person might persist, to which he sighs and finally gives them his 'attention'. He'll pretend to be interested, getting closer and closer to them, whispering something that seems so sweet- only for him to tell them how stupid they are to believe such things. Similar to Chrys- building them up then tearing them down. He leans away, looking disgusted. He might flicks their nose and push on their chest before going to find you- only just now realizing you saw the whole thing. He tries to tell you what happened but you saw it all and the mind can jump to conclusions so easily. He begs and begs for your forgiveness, he wants to make it up to you, he has to. You trusted him and he failed. Prepared to get pampered for the entire day... or week.

Zach may look naïve, however he is anything but that. He refuses the drink they buy him. He pulls away from their touches, laughing awkwardly. God where are you...? His anxiety is a lump in her throat and he's never missed you so horribly. They keep talking- why are they still talking? Slowly he tries to walk away, being to scared to turn them down. What if they get mean if he says no? He doesn't want to cause a scene, he really doesn't. If he causes a scene what might you think of him? Oh there you are. He sighs, so relieved and rushes over to you. Before you can even utter a word to ask him why on earth he was 'talking' to such a creep, he tells you that you're going home and that he doesn't want to stay there a moment longer. In the car ride home he tells you about his discomfort- and you both start making fun of the creep from the bar. Its a personal conversation shared between the two of you. Sure its bad to talk about people behind their back but... eugh... that guy was so... shady. He gets all cheesy with the pickup lines when you're finally home, asking if he can 'buy you a drink' while being an absolute dork. He makes you laugh until you cant breathe and then he compliments you until your face is too hot.

"The Sweet Tooth cast just found out they're in love with someone. How do they react?"

Andre sort of sits there for a moment, it all makes sense now. How he felt so weird and giddy whenever you were around, how his day seemed to bright up no matter what whenever you were there. Even if you felt sad and needed comfort it always made him happy knowing you looked at him for comfort. He knows that he wants to be with you but he isn't sure if you like him the same. He does what he's always done his whole life- which is ask his mom for advice. Of course, raising her son on nothing but RomComs his whole life, she helps him plan a very very romantic way for him to ask you out.

Casey probably had it pointed out to him when Kieran was teasing him. Kieran spouted it out and the room got silent. Casey sitting there with an entirely flushed face wouldnt know what to say- until loudly going "OOOOOOOH" and then preceding to go on an hour ramble about why he likes you so much.

Chrys probably had some inkling but she figured it was just a.. friend crush.. that's... that's a thing right? When she realizes that how much she thinks about you is not normal for friends, she gets very quiet around you for a bit. She's slightly shy and very out of character, until she cant take it anymore, she blurts the question out as you're about to leave your shift.

David paces back and forth talking at a fast pace and thinking about the pro's and cons of his feelings for you and weighing out if dating you is reasonable or not. Eddie interrupts him, complaining that he should just ask you out because David is annoying like this.

Eddie probably had a dream about you- first he played it off- but then they wouldnt stop... He probably tries to avoid you, denying his feelings for you at first- but then he finds he cant stand being AWAY from you- so then he gets very clingy. He despises how clingy he feels so he goes into this cycle of detaching then attaching himself to you- until you bring it up, he might not stop.

Kieran is shocked that he has a crush- Last time he had a crush on someone it went horribly wrong. But you're not horrible like him... no you're much different. Right? You wouldnt hurt him like August has... right? You were so kind and you put up with all his bullshit and stayed regardless of that... who does that? He becomes more awkward- flinching at your touch and getting flustered more easily. He's acting like his high school self and he's never been more embarrassed.

Noble oh he knew that he liked you... he knew the moment he saw you. When you opened your mouth. The way you talked, the way you moved and carried yourself, even how you breathed... it drove him crazy. He probably figured that this fixation over you would be a temporary thing, as he tended to fixate on people during his break up periods with Rainn. However he felt this strong connection to you... like it was destiny... he didnt Rainn anymore...

Oh so that's why Zach's sketchbooks are always full of you...! He thought he just liked how you looked... how you were so fun to draw and every little detail was so fascinating to him. Every freckle, every mole, loose hair, the ways your face crinkled in certain areas when you smiled. You always had the best poses in his opinion. You were naturally his muse. But he stops drawing you for a while. His last relationship didn't end off so well- sure they were still friends but- he didn't want to mess this up with you. He couldn't.

"How does the sweet tooth go about first kisses with someone they love?"

Andre during the entire date is working himself up to it, trying to find the perfect opportunity to finally get that kiss in. He doesn't force himself on you, instead he'll make sure to ask you, wondering if you're okay with how he holds you and if you're comfortable. It's a very gentle kiss, if you're left wanting more he won't hesitate to give it to you, but he's always so anxious that he might accidentally hurt you.

Casey has been muttering a lot to himself like he's been giving himself a pep talk whenever he thinks you're not looking- When you're finally alone with him- he does this weird sharp inhale like he's about to confess a crime. He looks serious, a rare expression for him so it's obvious that you get concerned but- then he blurts it out, "Can I kiss you?" albeit he speaks to fast or maybe his voice cracks- regardless its adorable and after he asks he gets super flustered. His kiss is inexperienced but hey at least his ChapStick tastes nice. Very fruity flavors- or his favorite go to is the cocoa cola ChapStick.

Chrys has been so excited the entire date, making sure you're comfortable while dragging you around to look at all the wonderful things and get the best experience you can. You're both really tired by the end of it and she finds a nice quiet spot for the two of you. She gets close, leaning on you while holding your hand and says, "Y'know... this would be a good place for a first kiss..." Before looking at you with expectant eyes and a small smile. Her lips are soft and plush, her lipstick tints your own lips but you don't notice as she cups your cheek.

David for once doesnt have that pissed off look to him. Instead he has wide curious eyes and actually seems... happy. He seems relaxed and like he can actually breathe when he's with you. His tone is much more polite and gentle with you, not that strict and powerful one that was... overcompensating. He was always bothered by people touching him when he never viewed them as an equal, which is probably everyone at this point. However, he holds your hand and holds tight, allowing you to take him where you please until you're finally alone and able to talk to each other. Except he's quiet, just studying you face while nervously fidgeting with his sweater sleeve. In a near whisper he ask, "...Would it be alright if I kissed you...?" of course you ask him to speak up- to which he shakes his head and looks away, clearly upset you didn't hear him. (Even though it wasn't your fault-??) Regardless, it's up to you to kiss him first. He's tense at the start, but he melts into your touch and holds you as close as he can.

Eddie most likely took you to the best place he knows. The forest. He knows it like the back of his hand so why wouldn't he bring you there. Obvious choice, any another choice would be stupid. Unless you made it, then it's perfect. He seemed to be in his own little world the entire time, quietly muttering to you and forgetting that personal space was a thing- but you don't mind as he points out the local moss and fungus, telling you all the interesting things he knows about each and every species. You arrive at a river and for once he's quiet, the quietest he's been the entire time. Suddenly, he asks you to face him and close your eyes. Hesitantly, you do so, feeling something soft placed on your head before his lips press against yours. They're a bit chapped but he's not too bad of a kisser so it balances it out. What he placed on your head was a flower crown he'd somehow managed to make when you weren't looking- which you SWORE you had your eyes on him the whole time. Sneaky bastard.

It's only natural to expect Kieran to bring you to a loud event with bright colors and strobe lights, but he doesn't. Nope, he planned a simple date. Nothing big and loud for you two to party the night away, get drunk, and end up in an alleyway aggressively making out with each other. Okay maybe the date he had planned wasn't terribly simple because of the location. He came to your house, picked you up and took you across the city he grew up in. He shows you his favorite places and you eat at his childhood restaurant. The date ends where you're on the rooftop on some building you shouldn't even be on, eating your favorite dessert while watching the people below walk across the street and sidewalks, minding their own business. He takes his arm and lays it over your shoulders, bringing you into a side embrace before kissing your forehead. You look up at him, a bit confused (but flattered) by the gesture, to which he replies, "What? Want a better one?" His lips are soft and taste a bit smokey (hope you don't mind), and of course sweet considering what you two had been eating. He's definitely a good kisser considering how much experience he has. Be careful not to swoon so hard you fall off the building-

Noble's idea of a date was something you were curious about, he seemed a bit unpredictable. He was super romantic but also very chaotic at the same time. So of course you would either think, well maybe its a dinner on a terrace in France, but then there was the possibility of him taking you to a nightclub to dance to your hearts content. Of course it was easy to think that the latter was more so what he would do, considering his daily activities and the general area he tended to hang out in. But the reality was that it was a simple picnic that had an amazing view of Paris. The food was incredible, all home cooked and traditional recipes passed from his family. He allows you to do most of the talking, more interested in listening to you. He was never one to talk- unless of course it was to ramble about you. That was always easy. Other than that, sometimes talking was hard for him when the topic was him. As you speak, you don't notice him inching closer and closer- until he interrupts you with a kiss. It's gentle and long enough for you to memorize his lips against yours- at least it was long enough for him to do that- but not too long to where it was uncomfortable. When he pulls away he smiles and gives you the excuse, "Sorry, you had something on your lips."

Zach hasnt been on a date in a while, and usually he was never the one to plan them. So he was a bit nervous on where to bring you- but then he settled with an art installation. The art installation had some weird stuff going on, sure, but it was really fun regardless. When you're finished, he takes you to an observatory to relax. As you're laid back in the seats, he points out the different stars, whispering in your ear while leaned close. Your shoulders are touching and he's holding your hand. Finally he points to the Pisces constellation and explains the story to you, about how two lovers jumped into a river together after turning into fish so they could escape a monster. Then after a moment of silence, he asks, "Do you believe in soulmates? I know it's cheesy but that doesn't make it bad... sometimes cheesy is good..." He sighs and looks at you "Want to see if you're mine...?" His lips are inviting and despite his awkward behavior, he seems to know what he's doing. He takes the lead with it, trying to bring you as close as he can but not trying to seem desperate at the same time.

[blood-teeth]

TMITAWH is 2 years old????!!!!

i cant believe i missed it that sounds so ridiculous to me! in my defense, i was driving for two weeks straight

i don't have anything planned for celebration; i'm so sorry! but i do have some updates!

for those that missed it, tmitawh is now a novel and will no longer be told in an interactive fiction format. this has upset a lot of people. i've lost a lot of followers over this announcement. and i can understand this to some extent, but largely i have to continue to be unapologetic about my choices.

this story is one that has, in every meaning of the phrase, saved my life. writing in this little world has gotten me through some of the darkest times and carried me through to the next day. at some point, IF stopped being a media that was capable of telling the story i wanted to tell.

i'm disheartened by a lot of the anons i've received. some are hateful and unkind. others are upset that they no longer will have the opportunity to pursue Cain or Ezio, and a few mention that they're not interested in reading a lesbian story and will not be reading the book if it ever makes it to publication. i've disregarded the first, but the second cuts the deepest i think.

i have never, ever been shy on this app that i'm a lesbian. i feel as though i've talked endlessly about it. being a lesbian is a huge facet of my identity and being told that, in so many words, a story written for myself, with other queer people in mind, is not for them seems like such a stupid thing to say. like, i didnt write it for you. i wrote it for me. i wrote it for the lesbians who love so violently that they have to hide it away under their clothes, in between their teeth. i wrote it for the lesbians who have been told their love is disgusting, or wrong, or sexy and for a male's pleasure only. i wrote it for the lesbians who are told their love is okay as long as they never show it- as long as they only hold hands at most but never kiss in public. i wrote it for the lesbian who sits in pews and breathes over their hands and wonders if God loves them still.

i'm not sorry to not have written a story catered for you when the whole world is for you. leave me out of your self-absorbed, hateful little orbit.

please know, this blog does not tolerate hatred, bigotry, or harassment in any shape or form. and if you're going to fuck around with me, you sure as hell are going to find out with me.

on a more positive note!

i want to thank you all who have been overwhelmingly positive and supportive of my endeavors!! it means the absolute world to me!! i sometimes hold myself at night and think of all the kind words y'all have sent over these past two years and just sob. never in my life before this could i have imagined sharing my work with people who give a shit and care. it warms me in ways i cannot begin to describe. i love you and i hope you are well as always. my inbox/dms are open ANYTIME if you just want to chat, catch up, rant to me, or tell me about your pet. actually, please tell me about your pet.

Some quick publishing updates:

I'm 20k words out of 90k into draft 2. and i think this is going to be the last draft before i query (?????) i'm really very happy with the muscles and bones of the manuscript. now it's just some meticulous line editing i have to work through.

after this, i'm off to the query trenches. (im scared) if anybody has gone through this process before and has any tips, i'd love to hear them!

here's a little excerpt:

"She grabs hard enough to make sure of her presence, not enough to bruise. Some sick part of the Traveler’s brain says, Yes. Please. More. Press deeper. Press harder. Bruise me. Hurt me. She delights in the heat that blossoms from where the Reverie digs her fingers into skin. Eyes earnest, stubborn disposition to her jaw as the thick muscle there flickers in an implication of anger. “I will find you,” she’s shaping her tongue into a dagger at the Traveler’s throat. “I will find you again, and that is a promise.” The Traveler gasps, tilting her head higher. She blinks and— The Reverie’s mouth is on hers, hot and aching, and the Traveler blinks— Want flavors the Traveler’s tongue, the Reverie’s hands pressed tightly against her collarbone, teeth at her jaw. She blinks and— Is this Before or After?"

i also, stupidly, have officially started a twitter that i want to start working with. i know twitter is dead, but it remains to be very useful for publishing. if you'd like to follow me, im there on @ morganhollow25. i dont know how to use it. im scared to use it. but if you have a twitter maybe follow me there too! i absolutely plan to be on tumblr primarily. i love it here and have grown a tiny home in these webs.

i'll have more updates coming soon regarding FTMTB and other works. thank you all again <3

[thatfoxnamedfinley]

To Erase the Past aka Words of Radiance thoughts

Why yes, I was awake until 5:00AM finishing this book, thank you for asking and understanding

Why no, I'm not okay

I'm so proud of Shallan

I'm so disappointed in Moash

I'm so thankful for Kaladin

I'm so triggered by Tangerine (I know this isn't his name but that's what I'm calling him, throw him into the pile with Capsule)

I've become a Dalinar apologist

YOU KNOW THE DRILL

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Lets GOOOOOooOOOOoooOooooooOOOOo

So last night, I'm whooping and hollering. Sweating. Fist pumping. Being trampled by the last sequences in the book. It's 3:00AM. My roommate who fell asleep downstairs finally makes it up to his room. He looks into my room, eyebrow raised.

Him: I could hear you downstairs.

Me: Okay?

Him: ......it was bad

Me: ...

That is a quick summary of my thoughts of this book. I feel like between these two books I've read like 2 trilogies.

BITCH I KNEW JASNAH WASN'T DEAD, I FUCKING KNEW IT. I EVEN SLAMMED THE BOOK SHUT AND STOOD UP LIKE "I BET YOUR ASS SHE IS IN SHADESMAR SOMEHOW"

*sits down and takes a deep breath*

So apparently Shadesmar is the mythological kingdom of the spren

PATTERN IS AMAZING, I loved him. Ok ok ok when he was first introduced and Shallan and Jasnah were like "damn I'm kinda disappointed." and Jasnah was like "He's a little..."

and Shallan was like *nods sadly* "He's a little retarded?" and Pattern is like spinning in circles in the corner of the room and trying to get up walls but keeps like, slowly sliding down

I almost spat my water out

ok ok so Kaladin is a Surgebinder, Shallan a Lightweaver, Dalinar a Bondsmith and Renarin (wtf this kid is so weird bro) is a...Truthwatcher

Ok I'm sorry, let me consult my notes because my mind is ALL OVER THE PLACE

Very early the glyphs appeared and honestly, we all knew it was the Everstorm. Dalinar FINALLY knowing he wasn't crazy was just so good. There was a moment after the first set appeared and Dalinar is listening to the people in the room. His inner dialogue is to have a straight back and head up despite his exhaustion. Telling himself to be in control. And I'm like DAMN this man really is a leader amongst men. The way he carries himself is just so GENERAL like and so so good!

Even though Dalinar apparently had the fewest pages dedicated to him this book, it really felt like he was looming over the story with how much of this seems to center around him (uniting Alethkar) and how many of the character's POV's intersect with what he doing.

Jasnah? Thinks Dalinar may be one of the best men she has ever known. Syl? Loves Dalinar and thinks he's a good man. Kaladin? Has several moments when he realizes that yes, Dalinar IS a good man and he MUST live. Hell, he was almost part of a plot to kill the king because he and that crew he met were like "Bro, Dalinar should be the king. We all know it." And at first Kaladin was like WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE WE CANT KILL THE KING WERE PROTECTING HIM WTF ARE YOU- wait...Dalinar the king instead?

Kaladin was like

Sadeas was such a bitter ex boyfriend. When he asked his wife to activate all her spies to find something to hurt Dalinar with I'm like BRO WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING DAMAGE DUDE. Admitting to himself that even if Dalinar was the Blackthorn and was still the conquering warlord, he'd kill him regardless because he wanted to be at the top was telling because I was really wondering if he'd ever admit it.

((Adolin sniping tf outta him was so fucking satisfying. Holy SHIT))

Shallan. Ooooouuu girlie! GIRLIE!!! The CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!!!! I liked her in book 1 despite many people saying she was a weakness in the book because Dalinar and Shallan were just much more INTERESTING than her POV. Brandon Sanderson said "lol ok BET" and look what we got. A cesspit of trauma and growth. The goal? To find Urithiru because it holds secrets of the Voidbringers. Oh, and marry Adolin. Oh, and infiltrate the Ghost Bloods. Oh, AND SAVE THE ENTIRE WORLD NO FUCKING PROBLEM

HOLYYY FUCKKKKK THE REVELATION THAT SHE KILLED HER MOTHER HOLY ACTUAL FUCKKK!! Her dad was PROTECTING HER by making everyone think he did it! I sat back in my chair like yo WTF Shallan. You murked your mom AND your dad. Holy fuck. And I guess her mom tried to kill her because she said Shallan was "one of them" and had powers at a younger age? When we meet Pattern, this isn't the first time Shallan has. Hints to it but Shallan's brain just

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETT

dissociation

The flashbacks were so good. Seeing her brothers (RIP to Heleran, Balat is NUTS he abuses animals and pulls legs off crabs). Her father was horrible. Being surrounded by all the constant yelling, the fear. Being put in her corner and not speaking. Her humor helping her brothers. Despite how afraid she is, it is SHE that holds the family together. It was SHE who got her gambling brother free, who made her brothers laugh.

OOOOO When she was about to join the caravans, there was a line she said...

"What would you do, Vathah," Shallan said in a loud voice, "to erase the past?"

And it's pitch black and you hear the screams of the caravans being attacked by bandits and she's standing on the sand and she's Lightweaving an illusion that she's a QUEEN and her hair is blowing around her and now KNOWING her past I'm like holy FUCK that was so GOOD!!!!

(I was also like holy fuck THERE's Gaz!)

oMg when Jasnah was "assassinated" I did indeed gasp. When Shallan watched the guy stab her in the chest with a knife I was like NO FUCKING WAY BITCH but Sanderson was clever. By NOT having her in the rest of the book and bringing her back in the EPILOGUE it didn't feel like we were cheated. Because Jasnah's death was a huge motivator to Shallan and a catalyst to her change in the book.

yo Shallan is so smart. This bitch infiltrated the Ghostbloods with ALMOST ease because of her abilities. WHEN SHE WENT TO THE HERALD AND AMARAM WAS THERE AND SHALLAN WAS IN THE CORNER like

I'm like this bitch is about to be a fucking PROBLEM

watch for that dark haired cunt in a rimmed hat

rumor has it her name is Veil

ok random gear switch

Sadeas CASUALLY talking about killing Dalinar and Elhokar? BRO what is your DAMAGE???? I get that Alethi are super ambitious and war driven but WTF Sadeas

OOOOOOMGGGGGG

WHEN SZETH CAME BITCH

OOOOMMMMFFGGG I SCREAMED

The chapter was entitled The One Who Hates

like excuse me bitch?

One of my bookmarked notes in my audiobook is "No spren guides him. WHAT????? HOW SWAY????"

We learn later on the nature of his blade but STILL. In the moment I was freaking out. Kaladin has that dream and knew something was wrong. He and Adolin and Dalinar are f.i.g.h.t.i.n.g. f.o.r t.h.e.i.r l.i.v.e.s and Szeth is flying around, sending Adolin flying up to the ceiling and he cuts Kaladin's arm and it goes grey and I'm just reading this chapter

UNSTABLE

UNWELL

My heart was beating so fucking fast. Dalinar is like

"YOU TOOK MY BROTHER FROM ME. YOU WILL NOT TAKE THE KING, YOU WILL NOT TAKE THE ONLY THING OF HIM I HAVE LEFT"

And Szeth is like

"I'm not here for him, Highprince. I'm here for you." Then Dalinar CATCHES the Shardblade in his bare fucking hands and Kaladin and Szeth fall midair from the window and then Szeth flees after Kaladin heals and shows his powers and I'm SHOUTING at the spine of the book

(Adolin sitting outside his father's room the rest of that night because he was scared Szeth would come back to kill his father was just...UGH I LOVE the relationship Adolin and Dalinar have. Adolin idolizes his father so MUCH)

and and and

that part with Shallan (I am so frazzled I'm so sorry I've barely had any sleep and this book HAUNTS me do you understand it HAUNTS me...I had a dream last night about this book)

"Can't run, can't run, can't run....

FIGHT."

And she attacks Tyn and kills her with a SHARDBLADE

Oh I'm sorry? Hello? WHAT???? WTFFF BITCH???

A SHARDBLADDDEEEEEEEE????!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? I just got goosies again bitch omg I'm actually panting hold on give me a moment

ok sidenote but The Stormfather is kind of a dick???? And to be fair, I'm going to assume after as many Desolations as there were that the spren are tired of helping humanity maybe and that's what Stormfather is talking about. Like "bro this is not my first, second, third or even eightieth rodeo. everytime it's the same and SOMEHOW humanity still finds new and clever ways to disappoint me. So...HELP YOU? lmfao" And I know we'll learn more about it so I'm willing to accept that thought process for now but at the end when he's talking to Dalinar (EXCUSE ME IS THE STORMFATHER DALINAR'S *SPREN* NOW???????????) I was like this Stormfather is a little bit of a bitch. This was my INITIAL reading because my adrenaline was still through the roof after

KALADIN FOUGHT SZETH AND SHALLAN TELEPORTED THE ARMY TO URITHIRU

but after thinking about it I was like yeah no I get it. He's seen this movie in theaters so many times and has to pretend to be excited but he really is just pissed his friends keep forcing him to come

Sebarial and Wit were iconic. Their insults were so fucking good. During the end when they were all making their way to the Oathgate and Sebarial was drunk and Palona was reading a book and Dalinar was like ????

AMARAM GOT PUT IN HIS PLACE bye bitch

Aladar, Roion (r.i.p you cowardly prince, you actually did us a solid in the end, and I underestimated both you and your kin. salute) and Sebarial joining him to form a force of 30k against the Parshendi that were SINGING THEIR LITTLE HEARTS OUT for the apocalypse

KALADIN REALIZING THAT ELOKHAR WAS DALINAR'S TIEN ARRGgggggg *squeezes stress ball*

Then Syl. My glorious Syl.

"YOUT WILL MATTERS NOT!" Syl shouted. "YOU CANNOT HOLD ME BACK IF HE SPEAKS THE WORDS! KALADIN! SAY THEM!"

BITCHHHHH I was *unhinged* Then Kaladin lit up like a fucking Christmas tree

I am so disappointed in Moash. I want to say I get it but like...MOASH. REALLY? After all that? After being Kaladin's friend and OH YOU KNOW him giving you a Shardblade and Plate because he trusted you and now we're here

Though he did get 1/18th of a brownie point for not letting anyone else touch Kaladin. Then he lost 1,476,998 brownie points for punching Kaladin so hard that his ribs broke INWARD. "Oops I hit him harder than I meant to." Are you fucking kidding me Moash. Are you? Because you're an EMBARRASSMENT. I hope when we see him next it's ON SITE. Count your fucking days, bro

So...Szeth's weapon was an Honorblade, a weapon of the Heralds....? And two of them are back? The one that Amaram snatched up (Herald of War) and the one that saved Szeth (Herald of Justice). They are returning. So now Szeth is just a normal human being with a normal life...? I'm very VERY interested in Szeth's development and where he goes. I want him on our side so bad and idk how tf Brandon Sanderson plans to do it but I just need it to happen

Adolin murdering Sadeas was SO satisfying. Sadeas going on and on and ON. That isn't it SO CONVENENIENT that the head of Dalinar's guard and Adolin's betrothed are both Radiants and that Dalinar has an ulterior motive. And Adolin is like WHY SADEAS? WHY are you like this. What is your damage? And Sadeas is like WELL if Dalinar stays alive then I can't be more powerful, so lololololol

And Adolin is like

OMG I FORGOT tO MENTION ADOLIN's DUEL

amazing. so good. captivating. unexpected. Adolin grappling from behind and they won!

"Dalinar growled softly. It was a sound Kaladin had never heard from him, The growl of a beast on a chain. It surprised him. " ooohhh?????

And no one standing to help and Kaladin like "literally hold my beer" then when he asked for his boon I was like welp FUCK here we go

Then he was thrown in jail and I was like YUP that tracks

I absolutely LOVED his book. Truly. I liked it better than the first if that's even possible. It made me appreciate book 1 even more because of the world building and set up.

side notes from my audiobook bookmarks:

Kaladin mentions Dalinar's eyes a lot mmmhmmmm

"Dalinar Kholin slowly stood up. He moved like a rolling boulder. Inevitable, implacable." oh. OH?

PATTERN CAN READ DAWNCHANT what a g

"I wouldn't want you to go flying off on me. You know, flying off in an angry tirade." Wit is a legend, I love that he seems to be all knowing and everywhere he needs to be for certain characters. WHO/WHAT IS HE?

Renarin is...I don't have words. What in Damnation are you doing, man? Because he's llike WERE ALL GUNNA DIE WERE ALL GUNNA DIE then they don't so like...how reliable are his Truthwatching abilities?

Shallan and Kaladin EYEBALLING EACH OTHER????? Thinking about each other????? HMMMMMMM???

"He danced with the slayer of kings" HOLLLLYYY FUCK IM *UNHINGED* RN DALINAR YOU ARE TRULY A GOAT AMONGST GOATS <- actually quote from my bookmark

Gallant not fleeing the battlefield is actually iconic

Shallan and Dalinar looking out below and people teleporting to their location and saying "Life before Death, Radiant" is, I fear, legendary

Ok phew I'm so tired from this post, I needed to spit my thoughts out before reading book 3 (which is apparently about Dalinar and I am already such a Dalinar apologist that I can't WAIT)

ok bye *snooze*

OH!! AND TANGERINE BEING EItHER RETARDED OR A GENIUS ON ANY GIVEN DAY bro WHAT and THAT is what you're going off of? THAT is why you're assassinating everyone???? Bro you are FUCKED