#it still wasnt right! I DESERVE BETTER GOD DAMNIT)

[actual-corpse]

I.

Want.

A.

Fucking.

CHEESEBURGER

[eyelash-stealer]

Things I thought while watching season one of Lego Ninjago for the first time since I was a kid during quarantine (part 2)

Episode 3

Sensei: RISE AND SHINE GAMERS. LET'S GET THIS BREAD

That's called Backne Cole

Ew

Honestly the outfit designs need a lot of work. I think they fix it eventually though

Free my mans from the floor

Nya hands out with sensei a lot what's that about

He is freed

Who is going to watch that garage sale of someone comes by. You're gonna get robbed

The writing on the Garage Sale sign I'd nice though

The ice effects are sick

Okay that's cool-

Pirate boiz

They got video games >:/

Race car

How did they know where they moved if they JUST moved and send lets

The accents omg

Called?

Jay is such a dick to his parents

OOP

How do Jay's parents know his type what the actual fuck

How do they understand everything so soon

Cappuccino machine? That was Cole's idea

T h e b u t t o n

Jay you don't have watch

He's do mean to his mom and dad they seem so sweet

Sensei is so sassy I'm crying

What a sweet realation ship:)

Lloyd be honest with yourself and go back to school

Fangpyres? What the hell?

That's not how dust works

He deserved that

The fangpyres are thicc

Oh I hate that. The double head talking thing

Jay's dad: the grind never stops

Oop

They love their son so much and Jay barely shows them any love it makes me sad

DONT HURT THEM

Oh no :(

The fangpyre are slow

What the f u c k ?

Are these snake people italian?

NOOOO

Edna and Ed deserve better

The ninja crew needs to learn respect for their friends oh my god

Honestly jay deserves the guilt tripping a bit

Nya that god

Dragon puberty

YES

Kai is wonderful

Who gives a shit about flutes

Jay is almost like Leo Valdez but so much more of a dick. He shows zero sympathy

YAY THEY'RE ALIVE

That wrecking ball looks like a Jack-o-lantern

Omg Jay is caring about his parents

YES NYA

Lloyd you bitch

I really wish they didnt need to yell "Ninja go!"

O h

I'd love to live in Jay's junkyard

"Wasnt there four of us?" Kai for the live of god

There it is again with the poor animation. Specifically on his face mask

Also why do they need masks of everyone knows who they are

Ew teeth levers

Wa-pow

NO EDNA AND ED

o h s h i t

That's cool ngl the whole weapon transportation

Cole's is the coolest

Poor rocky

Poor sensei

Damnit Jay

Straight to headquarters while yoite being FOLLOWED!?!

Bad animation

Parent love :)

Their ship is litterally the Argo II it flies, holds heroes

Awww they're so proud of him :)

Episode 4

The theme song slaps. When I was little I could recite the whole thing and I've still got it ;)

The falcon :D

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT JUST HAPPENED

Hunt?

"Little friend" aww

Bye bye falcon

Wh-

Is this still a dream I'm so confused

Zane is so bad ass

Loving the electric guitar

The music and fight in this scene are gold

We stan. Green ninja and the falcon

I remember that Lloyd is the green Ninja and I love him but he was such an annoying kid

B i r d s

"Some dream"' that sounded suggestive

Hell yeah Cole

Yoga

I love Kai honestly

They need to train more so I'm with Sensei

"We're smart"' u h n o

This show moves too quickly

Oh my god they're friends

The snakes:"They were roommates!"

Lloyd:"Oh my god they were roommates"

Dang, shade

Bye bye Lloyd get going

Did any of the Ninjas look at the scroll? It showed all for of then with the green ninja in the middle. It's obvious not one of them!

I think the camera went from Lloyd's POV and I think it's funny because it shows when. He starts walking and *snort*

LONGG NECK

The snake guy reminds me of the purple guy from Monsters inc.

"Chumsworth" LMAO

They're bonding over having no friends-

Ooo Cole look at those moves

They're gonna scooter omg-

This is top notch bonding

Those babies are HUGE

Aww how sweet

*Quietly*"six schools in six years, been kicked out of every place"

So mean to a kid

Why would they kick Lord Garmadon's son out

Also better question: why is the government allowing there to be a school for evil masterminds

WHAT KIND OF SIGH IS THAT

Sleeby boy

Oooo sensei is a artist

Damn

The Argo II sets sail

Classy as hell school right there

Those skeletons are great

Is Lloyd skateboarding? Either that or they didnt animate his walk

HE IS SKATEBOARDING?

Don't trust Jay

That's one way to do it

Those kids are probably murderers

[bubblellop]

*has a gun* Tell me about the songs you associate with your characters or else. I need to know. Give me all the music. Also you're legal obligated to mention a Lemon Demon song sorry I don't make the rules.

As i said, ill give u a deal and have them ALL be lemon demon music, because i hate myself. Also because i cannot choose 1 song that fits my oc out of my whole playlists (yes. I have playlists for each of my ocs.) Oh and as a fun fact, that post a while ago where i talked about "a terrible art idea" was me doing 6 different drawings using lyrics from different spirit phone songs to each of my ocs, it had palettes and everything but id figure no one would wanna see that so i will probably never do it lol. So yes this has been planned from a long time ago and i am deeply ashamed of myself.

Anyway onto the songs lol

Also these r all from spirit phone cuz that album is a banger from start to finish.

Adalia

Im just starting to realize how fucking hard is going to be to explain these choices with this type of fuckin music. God damnit. Okay so the themes of themes of blind admiration and reviving the dead for selfish needs...actually goes well with her....i know this sounds crazy but just...trust me. Adalia has experience with reviving the dead akdoskxodvkxwhythefuckisthisathingohmygodbubbleareyouokay

Its the first song and im already going insane...great

Lilyana

This song is like, REALLY calm yet the lyrics are like...kinda sinister. Its just describes a cycle of DEATH. So yeah that fits lily well lol (you really need to trust me with all of these okay, this wasnt easy OKAY) also its the last song...adalia has the first song...hah aint that funny.

Oliver

This was one of the easier ones. Love song about a human and an alien??? Sign him the FUCK up. I dont even need to EXPLAIN this shit. Falling in love with a weird mysterious being from beyond the stars, the fear, the curiosity, the willingness to go with them anywhere even if you both might not fully understand eachother but still wanna be by eachothers side......yes.

Rhett

Asddfkg the machinery talk in here really vibes with Rhett okay. Theres more to it but, im tired and im just stalling my time for the BIG one thats coming. Also Rhett would totally listen to Lemon demon and that kinda scares me on its own.

Stephanie

We are really going off the fucking rails arent we. This is another that just...vibes with Stef i guess. The beat itself is like, really her style oKAY, ALSO THIS SONG IS GOOD LOL, SHE DESERVES IT. I am really running out of bullshit excuses huh.

Sophie

Ah fuCK FINALLY WE GOT HERE- THIS WAS THE ONLY ONE I CARED ABOUT ANYWAY. This one actually goes REALLY FUCKING WELL with Sophie, if i HAD to choose a single song for Soph, IT WOULD BE THIS ONE. 1. Sophie obviously has an interest in Adalia's species, to a creepy extent may i add. So yes it goes well with the theme of aliens!!! 2. The obsession of being heard, of being right, of being the one is exactly like her, she wants to be the one to find out and to be right about her theories, not to mention she's lowkey a narcisist so of course she wants to be recognized and special, to prove everyone who wronged her 3. This one is actually kind of spoilery, but the second verse of the song....specially the "youre the only person in the world who'd understand the meaning of this", i can reallly picture who she would be talking about and im just aksidofks. Yes. Oh and "im an expert, just like you" also goes well with the idea mentioned. And yeah alot of lines like "better to be laughed at than wrong" they all go really well...im sobbing.... This is one of those songs that i have like, an entire animatic in my head planned out till the very last part. Its been haunting me for so long okay.

Oh god this is finally over, it only took me...40 minutes to write. Fuck. I hate this.

Also hah u wish mobile had the extend cut option in these cases huh....fuck you im shoving this whole post into your eyeballs.

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 10 - Candy Part 1 again

I was told that finishing the epilogue MAY make me feel better by some with opinions, with some vague hints that the ridiculous start of Candy may have underlying reasons, so now that I’m awake again (though my stomach is roiling a bit again) I’m gonna take another crack at it.

Alright, so I was also hinted that this Candy part ends with a different cliffhanger, so maybe those two will cancel out?  That’s my hope anyway.

Reading page 1 again since I didn’t finish the very tail end of it... alright, so WHY IS ROXY CRYING again????  Was she just PRETENDING that she didn’t know it might turn out bad for John if he went at the end of the last one?  Was there some weird mind-rewriting going on?  Is the crying a symptom of this whole thing potentially being an our!Callie fanfic and she knows what’s being dodged??  Don’t know.

Alright, let’s have him save Gamzee and... is Vriska going to get saved in this version?  Or is that descent into the black hole without seeing what happens her well-deserved comeuppance while only the ghost version of Vriska truly figured out how to be happy?

==>

Dirk acknowledges him when he zaps back, but it’s YOUNG Dirk so hopefully there isn’t any stupid Meat stuff going on.

...Yeah, Gamzee immediately being repentant is weird as shit.  Maybe he Chucklevoodoo’d Callie into escaping him into this whole candied mess so he could start shit, I dunno.  That or this isn’t really Gamzee or someone’s manipulating him or etc etc etc.  The hint I got earlier was that if I thought Calliope wanting to bring Gamzee back and everyone just rolling with it was a little out of character, there are “reasons”, so I’m just going through all of this under the assumption that some emotion-manipulating weirdness is going on regardless.

Oh shit, Gamzee’s going to start recounting his character reasons for doing bad stuff in a surface-hope of justification and understanding.  All the characters immediately recognize how painfully groanworthy this is going to be.

GAMZEE: AnD sUcH iS wHy I’m GrAbBiNg HoLd Of My RePeNtAnCe As FiRm AnD sErIoUs As I wOuLd A wHoRe’S tItTy!

Yeah, that really encapsulates how “serious” all of this is.  And of course, John’s not having any of it.

Yeah, Terezi wouldn’t have any of it either, remotely.

Something feels different, but he can’t put his finger on it.

Hm.  The aforementioned manipulation-weirdness?

==>

Okay, so it’s kind of Dirk who notices something different and is cancelling his stupid villain plans, got it.

Volatility of causality, huh?

(I’m going to be going through these parts a little faster than the Meat section, unsurprisingly.)

==>

Okay, Rose and Kanaya, are we gonna cure her substance abuse or--

With all the distance between them lately,

God damnit, have Dirk’s manipulations extended that far OFFSCREEN or is this legitimate character distancing???? Because either is BAD.  >:(

Right, now that the plot and “relevance” has been sidelined over to a different timeline, Rose can now breathe easy free of her condition.  And whichever parts of her condition were, perhaps, IMPOSED on her.  Fuck.

I’m going to try my fucking best to cling to this, hope I can carry on a memory after this is over that DOESN’T imagine Rose trapped in a fucking existential dying villain coma with a hard fucking cutoff that promises nothing is ever coming to resolve it ever.  (Or Jade in a somewhat-similar sidelined situation, or Jane doomed to fuck herself over and everyone else too, or...)

What’s slipping away instead is the feeling that any of it mattered at all. Was she insane to be so consumed by such lofty concerns, and is she only beginning to experience clarity today, for the first time in ages?

Yeah, you’re no longer in a timeline of Light and relevance.  And that’s not so bad, which is something you never expected to be true given your derision of the concept.  Void is pretty goddamn alright.

--Oh right, the illness and substance abuse probably caused plenty of distance between them.

KANAYA: There Was A Feeling I Couldnt Shake That Something Terrible Was Going To Happen To Us KANAYA: Something That Neither Of Us Could Stop KANAYA: A Powerful Outside Force That Would Take You Away From Me KANAYA: And I Couldnt Stop Myself From Thinking That Maybe KANAYA: Maybe That It Would Be For The Best ROSE: Kanaya... KANAYA: I Can Now See That This Is Completely Ridiculous

For some reason, this doesn’t settle my stomach much?  It’s clear Andrew wove this in here so that if you read Meat first, you’d be able to acknowledge readily how this diverged in a way the characters kind of recognize, and... I’m not sure what I’m even saying.  It’s like there’s hope that this is TRYING to take the bad taste out of my mouth, but I don’t believe it overly much.

ROSE: What a relief, considering that we are both going to be young and magically fit literally forever.

Wait, so they DID find a way to extend their non-ascended friends’ lifespans to practical immortality?  Jane’s Life powers?  Something else?

==>

yay jade.  more extended dave metaphors.  calm down stomach.

JADE: i never thought id be thinking of you as my weird nerd friend by the time we were in our twenties

Heheheh.

DAVE: yeah well i never thought youd be like the premiere woo girl on the planet

Had to look up what a “woo girl” was.

Yes Jade go flirt them to death

What she’s planning isn’t a seduction. It’s a public service.

Pff

(And yeah, she’s being pushy but at least she doesn’t go DIRK FAR about it.)

DAVE: its incredible hes driven at least ten people off the site by creating thinly veiled parody accounts of their usernames

Oh my gosh, Karkat’s good enough to ANDREW HUSSIE them?!???  :D

That’s incredible.

Karkat knows damned well what a husband is. He’s been force-fed enough bad movies from Dave to pick up any human euphemism you could name. He still plays dumb sometimes, for comedic effect, to irritate his friends, or simply to avoid a topic of conversation altogether.

Yeah, it was always pretty clear that about HALF of the trolls pretended not to understand something human that they knew about just for comedic effect and they knew it.  :)

It would be pretty easy to mistake his reaction for arousal, so it’s understandable that Jade is extremely surprised when Karkat snaps his jaw shut and chomps down on her hand.

PFFFFHahahahah :D

And yep, Jane cancelled her run at Dirk’s direction.

DAVE: lets all just thank whichever christ was responsible for making whatever decision resulted in her deciding not to do that

*nod nod*

JADE: well i hope she gets a better hobby JADE: there are a lot of less ominous things she could do with her time KARKAT: WHAT, LIKE FUCKING HER WAY THROUGH HALF THE POPULATION OF EARTH C?

Jade pinches his ear and twists hard, smiling pleasantly.

JADE: get fucked karkat

Yeah, this is about the level of violence/threat I’d expect from Jade when anyone slut-shames her for perfectly acceptable behavior.

==>

There is almost no crime on Earth C, and so almost no one locks their door.

Huh.  I guess post-scarcity might do that.

Alright, we get to see Jane being less of a fuckass.

Dirk was the one person on Earth C who took the state of the locksmith industry with the seriousness it deserved.

Pffff

JAKE: Thats my theory at least. Maybe its tommyrot but i have faith that dirk will be back. After all where is he going to go?

Good question that wasn’t answered in Meat, so of course Jake says it here obliviously.

JAKE: I must admit i am rather half rats at the moment. JANE: You’re what? JAKE: Haha sorry that was a pretty obtuse way of putting it wasnt it. JAKE: What i mean to say is that ive been powdering my hair quite a bit today.

Andrew is SO good at making Jake sound completely incomprehensible.

...Ouch, Jane, don’t drink so hard! D:

The “morbs”??

JAKE: Dirk has that manner about him does he not? JAKE: A way about him that makes you feel like whatever you do as long as it does not involve him it doesnt count for dick.

Yeah, fuck Dirk.

Hm... is the absence of relevance affecting them, or some other manipulation? It’s not just the LACK of Dirk’s manipulation.

JAKE: Except of course for that time when you were under mind control and had me trussed up in your lair as you pontificated villainously about using me as a breeding stud to create a blood lineage for your incumbent corporate space empire.

A fate Dirk seems to agree with, judging by Meat.  Let’s sidestep that fucking entirely, thank you.

...yeah, I didn’t expect Jake’s response to be any less oblivious than exactly that.

==>

So why DID Callie bring Gamzee back, anyway?  Is there some secret use for him in mind?  Was she manipulated into it?  Maybe BY Gamzee?  Hm.

...alright, priestly with followings.  That ain’t good.  Is he aiming for Clown President MK2?

Everything Callie and Roxy have done and said in this Candy section so far seems creepily contrived, possibly by design.

...okay did they have some kind of weird agreement? Like, “okay John is gonna make his choice, and if he chooses to stay i try dating him instead of you, Callie”???  That’s... no that can’t be it.  Roxy’s NEVER acted THIS oblivious before.  What’s she playing at?

GAMZEE: mY fUcKiN *gUy*. :o) JOHN: ... GAMZEE: My DuDe AnD mY nInJa AlIkE. GAMZEE: mY *hOrN* dOoOoG. JOHN: ... GAMZEE: mY hOrN tO tHa MoThErFuCkIn DoG. ;o) JOHN: waiter! help!

I’m imagining Gamzee now as a sweaty and homeless, unkempt Guy Fieri.

Yeah, this doesn’t look like it’ll be fun.

==>

...Swifer Eggmop.  ¬_¬”

There’s a third member of their social group who definitely hasn’t arrived at the conclusion that his power and influence should be meted out responsibly either. Neither of them speak his name, however. For some reason, it feels like a shadow passing over the sun. A brief spike of pain flickers through Rose’s head, a bolt that strikes between her eyes and splinters out. There is color and light behind it. A vision that tears through the material reality in front of her and gives her a brief glimpse into a parallel reality where things are very different.

Yeah, fuck Dirk.

...Pff. Yeah, Rose WOULD mimic the record-scratch gesture.

Don’t invoke “never seeing Vriska again” like that, you’re really tempting fate.

Heh, Rose is finding some Light in the darkness, wanting to do something that’s meaningful on an expressive level with this Vriskgrub business.

Hm... why is my stomach a little less uneasy?

I sure hope it stays that way.

==>

KARKAT: OH MY GOD, ARE THE MECHANICAL GLUTES ON THAT BILLBOARD ACTUALLY PADDED WITH PLUSH TO MAKE THEM MORE LIFELIKE?

Heck Yes

...Yes, touch the butt, Karkat.

Jade, pouting a bit, glides in between them and uses her Space powers to teleport Dave’s phone out from the center of his traumatized palm and into the pocket of her sweater.

Hm!  So she still has teleportation abilities over a limited range even without her Green Sun boost, that’s nice.  :D

After all, where would these two pitiful beta boys be without her?

Oh my fucking god stop being Dirk, Jade.  And never use that narrative language again, even in your head.  Heck, even if Dirk’s the one WRITING this still, don’t even think CLOSE enough to think those words.

...yeah this sounds like an Active player class taking things slightly too far.

Thank you, Karkat, for drawing the consent-line in the sand.  Looks like Jade’s backing off a little.

--hold on, wait, Dave kissed him? He did, so why is-- let me read back up--

Dave doesn’t answer. She answers for him by leaning down and planting a dry, affectionate kiss on Karkat’s cheek.

Okay I misread this line earlier.  Jade kissed Karkat when neither of them were looking and is BLAMING Dave.  Hmm.

Alright, Dave ollies outie.  Karkat tumbles down some hillstairs.

Jade could probably catch him. Actually, she could easily do it, but it doesn’t seem like the kind of favor you should do in a fledgling kismesissitude.

Thaaaat’s a little presumptuous??

JADE: well i guess im eating grub spaghetti alone JADE: *again*!!!

:C

I’d be sadder if you didn’t bring it down hard upon yourself but

:C

==>

Yeah, John, better clear up this Callie business because it’s muddy as heck why Roxy would just drop everything to try things out with you.

Ah, we’re bringing up the gender identity thing on this side too, hm?

More serious talk, this is good, reading reading...

The glasses clink together clumsily, and water gets all over the complimentary breadsticks.

Oh no.  This had better not be Olive Garden.

ROXY: no one else has ever made me feel like this

--not Calliope???

What the heck is even going on.

Dave’s coming for some bro help it looks like.

==>

It’s hilarious how much Dave is freaking out about this, and how completely in-character it is.

JOHN: holy fucking shit. JOHN: there’s a gay snooze button? DAVE: yeah man theres a gay snooze button JOHN: wow.

I love these two’s conversations

......wait, Dave’s been holding off on kissing Karkat because of what he thinks JADE might think???? D:

JOHN: i almost managed to forget that she was trying to fuck you and karkat.

Pfffffffff  :D

Yep.  I love it being put so bluntly.

Reading on... yeah, for some reason I also always figured that the end result of a nice three-way relationship between those three people would be Jade and Dave essentially both just glomming onto Karkat more than each other?  Hm.

JOHN: i mean... it doesn’t sound... JOHN: *canon*?

...I hope you’re just talking about his coin flip explanation and not DaveKatJade.  >:(

John wonders when talking to Dirk has fixed anything for anyone.

Nod nod.

She grins up at John with shimmering, adoring eyes. They’re reflecting every star in the sky, all for him.

Seriously, what the hell.  Is Roxy hypnotized?  Putting on an act?  A voidy act??

I’m not doubting that Roxy COULD feel that way about John, I’m doubting the suddenness and the way Calliope is being deliberately ignored in the situation, which is so goddamn obvious that JOHN is uncomfortable about it.  There’s something seriously strange going on.

It itches at the back of his head, the idea that he might have just fucked up Dave’s entire life.

D:

Alright next post after a bit of breakfast.

[coffe-amid-chaos]

fuck this

god fucking damnit

stop 

brain

please

just stop

stop over thinking

they are probably busy

stop thinking that they don’t love you anymore

stop it

put the fucking razor down

that won’t help

it’ll just make you feel like you’ve won

and when you win 

everyone loses

beacuse all you are dnow

is a problem

a disorder

a fucking virus that spreads onto anyone that you love

you love too much and you need to stop

wouldnt it hurt less if you just stop?

because it fucking hurts

and i don’t remeber a time when I wasnt shaking 

because my hands are never still anymore

they are always shaking 

because I am always scared

and anxious 

and in love

sick in love

sick

thats all I am

Just a sickness

and sick with my own sickness

No 

put it down

stop 

please don’t do this to yourself

you’re not that ugly

really there are people who are less attractive

you’re not that fat

okay you are but is that really such a bad thing?

I mean, they think so 

no they don’t

thats bullshit

stop bullshitting yourself

do you really deserve this?

do you desreeve happiness?

I mean maybe you don’t

maybe you were born to fell like this

like you’re everything wrong in the world wrapped into a human form

havent you bullied poeple?

havent you judged others?

havent you given in to your sickness of the brain?

havent you wanted to stay at home and not help those who need it?

havent you loved to the point of hurting others?

maybe you shouldnt be here

maybe you’re right. 

maybe you deserve to feel the pain that you inflict on others

but maybe all of this just means you need help

what about self help?

isnt hurting yourself self help?

then you don’t have to hurt others by telling them you’re in pain.

then you’re parents don’t have to pay so much for a goddamn therapist, for all the goddamn pills

Then maybe They can move on and be with somone who can love them back freely

who wont get them in to trouble

who wont make them feel like shit

then maybe everyone around you would be better off 

maybe it is best if you go away

maybe you need to stop

and then maybe they’ll be okay

[olivia-a-martinez]

Prologue Part 9

Voicemail… voicemail… and voicemail.

She didn't pick up.

Why would she said a small voice in the back of his head. The voice that always feeds him thoughts that make him feel like isolating himself and doing something stupid.

Because she love you…

Stupid fire god.

Why? After all this time, after everything he’s put her through, why should she still love him? IF anything, him dying will finally free her from him.

Or destroy her for good. All he had to do was tell her the truth. She deserves that much and he could at least give her some type of closure before Jaxith steals his fire. He called again and waited for the beep.

“H-hey, darlin,” his voice trembled and he had to clear his throat to steady it. “You must be… having a blast over there… um… I...I wish you answered the phone, Tilly. I… I miss you… I miss you so much and… Goddess.” His voice cracked. Why was this so hard?

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I couldn’t be the person you needed me to be, but … damnit… I tried to so hard, Matilda. I tried to be there for you but deep down it felt like i was betraying myself. I couldnt do what Tao did for Demonic and that just made me feel worse. I tried, please please believe me...i tried my hardest and i understand it wasnt enought  but i just couldn’t. Im broken hearted… how could i be there for you when you were the cause of my heart breaking? I… i trusted you. I always told myself you were the one person i could trust with anything and everything and voicing everything voiced that…. I couldnt. I didnt want to admit that… it hurts… it hurts having all these… negative emotions. I hate that my emotions are hurting you… i hate that im so fucked up. How could i have opened up to you knowing i was putting myself in the way of your happiness? I… I would always tell you to go for your happiness. How can i not want you to be happy? I wanted you to be happy… so what if i was at my expense, i shouldnt matter… All I’ve done was hurt you because i cant...” his voice cracked again, “get my shit together… You deserve so much better than me Tilly…. My Tilly… my one and only… I love you so much, I’m sorry it came to this… I wish… I wish i could see you so we can fix this… but this… this will have to do.” he took a deep breath and it took him everything to not break down.

“I’m not coming home, Matilda… J- … Jaxith’s back… h-he got me cornered… its like he knows my moves, I can’t fight him… I can’t win… I’m sorry… I love you darlin… I will always love you… I can wait forever, Darlin… but i’d understand if you chose terra’s fields. Good bye my mate… my wife… my Tilly… I love you.”

He ended the call.

His chest was on fire.

His fire cried and he hugged his knees and sat there. How long was he going to stay in there? Would they even send anyone after the two leaders? Surely they would think they were capable. But they weren’t, and Shinron-

There was an urgent knock at the door that caused Nathaniel to jump.

“L-leader Nathaniel,” there was a cough.

Nathaniel gasped, it was leader Shinron. He was still alive.

But wasn’t Jaxith out there? Where the hell did he go?

Nathaniel’s fire sensed for Jaxith’s fire element and didn’t feel him, he only felt Shinron.

There was a thud outside, “N-nate… I-I need help… w-where are you?”

Nathaniel jumped to his feet and ran to the door. He unlocked it and hesitated. He cracked the door just slightly to peek through. Shinron was just across his door door, leaning heavily on the wall. He looked around and didn't see Jaxith.

He opened the door more and quickly reached over and grabbed the elemental leader. Shinron gasped and struggled, but Nathaniel’s grip was strong with his fear. He pulled Shinron into his room and quickly locked the door.

“Goddess, Shinron, I am so glad to see you. I thought Jaxith killed you…” Nathaniel turned in time to see Shinron strike him with the butt of a dagger.

Nathaniel was taken completely by surprise and couldn’t dodge. The blow stun him and he went down against the door. Spots clouded his vision .

Shinron chuckled lowly.

“That was too easy, Nathaniel. I thought i raised you better then that. You should never be so quick to trust the first thing you see.” Shinron said, but why would he say that?

As his vision clear, Nathaniel looked up at the once weak and barely able to stand elemental leader.

“S-Shinron?” he managed to say.

Shinron laughed and right before his eyes his fire blurred and waved, his features changing. His image solidified and Jaxith stood there, holding the blade to his whip. “J-Jaxith, t-thats... that’s not possible...”

“Anything is possible where we are, Nathaniel.” Jaxith kicked nathaniel across the face and knocked him onto his back. Nathaniel cried out.

Nathaniel spat out blood and looked up and saw the room behind Jaxith wavered just as he did when he shifted from Shinron.

It finally all clicked.

Jaxith grabbed nathaniel by the throat and held the blade in his hand, ready to strike down.

The trap was Nathaniel’s mind.

“This… this isnt real…” Nathaniel whispered. Jaxith paused slightly.

The burning sensation in his chest was unbearable and he looked down to see he wasn't wearing his necklace.

“This is a dream.”

Anger flashed across Jaxiths face and he went to strike nathaniel in the chest.

“Wake up nate.”

Wake up…

[thewalkingdead-imagines]

Paul “Jesus” Rovia Imagine ~ A New Beginning

The reader lives at Hilltop for a few weeks now and despite her lasting conflicts with Gregory she and Jesus begin to grow even closer...

Requested

This is the second part of this Imagine but it can be absolutely read without having read the first one  (but if you wanna read it first you can find part one here) It was requested with a small plot and with the sentence "Why should I open the door and go into this cruel World, when I can stay here with you"

The gates of Hilltop slowly opened before the truck you sat in while the glances of the people inside immediately turned into your direction. They were probably waiting longing for the new supplies since you and Jesus had left for the run and you could see in their faces that they were relieved that you’ve finally arrived. You had to work hard for every single supply and you felt the urge to gag just by thinking about the fact that the Saviors would get half of them. The car rolled onto the compound of Hilltop while you watched the people that tried to get a first glance at the things you've found. From afar you saw Gregory walking out of the impressing building. Your start with him hadnt been easy, to be honest, your relationship to him was still tensed and you couldnt really stand him. Shortly after your group had been murdered by the Saviors you had found Jesus while he was on a run and got taken here by him. It required a lot cogency from Jesus side to persuade Gregory to let you stay here, Gregory didnt want you here with all the connections you unfortunately had through them turning your friends into dead people and he made that pretty clear. You were sure that the only reason for him to ignore the risk it harbored to keep you here was one big advantage he had through you. You were the one here who was the experienced with what happened outside of the safe fence. You knew where and how to search for supplies and Hilltops situation had gotten better since you were helping. Still far off good. But not miserable anymore. You stepped out of the car as it stopped and saw how Gregory came closer towards you, but instead of greeting you, he directly walked to the back of the car. Just a few moments later he walked past you with supplies, far more than he deserved and needed. “Where are you taking that?”, you asked while Gregory turned around slowly. “Inside the house, Honey. Why shouldn’t I?”, he asked looking serious at you. “Because we split the things equally afterwards. Everybody gets what they need…that In your hands is more than you need Gregory”, you said pointing at the box he carried while he began to chuckle. “Listen Honey, I’m the Boss here. I can take whatever I want”, he replied walking closer. “Oh really? Because that means that there’s a whole lot less left for the others and we already have to give a lot to the saviors”, you answer calmy but glaring at him. “Well and as long as there’s enough left for the Saviors Im fine Dear. Thats the only thing I care about”, Gregory said while you just scoffed in disbelieve. “Oh Honey. You’re not forced to live here, you can go right through that gate and never come back if you don’t like the way I rule here. To be honest,…that would be better for everyone”, he said glaring back at you. “She won’t go”, you suddenly heard Jesus say as he came towards you from the back of the transporter. “Jesus, when she came here I told you that If she’s causing trouble she would have to go. I’m not planning to change my opinion”, Gregory said to Jesus who  crossed his arms while he shook his head slightly. “Im not causing trouble… I got you the stuff we need to not get more people killed by the saviors”, you growled while Gregory scoffed. ”What did you do in that time, Gregory? While she was out there with me. What did you do in that time?”, Jesus asked stepping closer to Gregory. “That’s not your problem…and you, you better scoot now”, he growled looking over to you. “Gregory I’ll say it once again. She. Won’t. Go”, said Jesus calm but  determined . “I don’t need somebody like her here”, He hissed looking at Jesus. “You do Gregory. She brought more supplies to this place from runs than anybody before. You need her”, Jesus with an urging undertone in his voice. Gregory scoffed while he looked over to you and seemed to know the truth. “God damnit”, Gregory growled before he placed one of the supplies that were in his arms back into the truck and walked scoffing back into the mansion. He probably knew that he had lost and that Jesus was right. Even if you were sure that he would never admit that. “You can already go to the trailer, the  others will help unloading the truck. You've already done enough”, Jesus said smiling at you while the first People made their way to the truck. As you hesitated Jesus looked asking at you. “Dont worry”, he added. “Alright...see you later”, you finally said smiling before you began to go away from the truck and walked towards the trailer. Shortly before you got to the first trailer you saw Crystal and Andy standing there, talking which looked even more like arguing while her glance wandered over to you again and again before she finally walked from Andy away towards you. Her glance was upset, while she breathed harshly in and out. “(Y/N), you have to go. Like Gregory said. I can't stand him, but he's right with that. You have to go”, she said while you saw how Andy came closer. “Crystal we've talked about that! Stop it!”, Andy hissed. “No Andy! You know what the Saviors did! When they find out that we let someone live here that got away from them, they'll turn this place into a slaughterhouse”, she said huffing while she turned around to him. “The haven't found her when they were here the last couple of times”, Andy scoffed. “Yeah not yet but the day will come when they will and then no supplies she ever could've brought to this place could make up for that whats happening then”, she growled before she looked back at you. “Crystal, I get that you're afraid but you know that this place needs every helping hand and that I’ll do everything that they won't find me here”, you said. “I don't care (Y/N). Everything is sometimes not enough”, she hissed before Andy raised his voice again. “Crystal now come down!”, Andy said coming closer. “I’m not com-”, she tried to say but got interrupted by him. “Crystal!”, Andy said warning while she just glared at him before she walked scoffing away. “Don't take that to heart. I know she's exaggerating but she's just worried”, Andy said as he saw your glance. Yes, you knew that she was just worried, but that didnt change that you felt like you could do everything and still wouldnt be accepted by everyone. “Yeah, I know”, you said forcing a slight smile on your lips before you made your way to the trailer you shared since you were here with Jesus. When you were finally inside you let yourself fall onto the soft bed. Your limbs were hurting and you enjoyed feeling the softness of the bed again. You looked over to the couch next to the door that was covered in sheets that functioned as a bed for Jesus. You had told him since the beginning that you could sleep on the couch due to the fact that he had done already enough for you through fighting that you could stay here, but he insisted that youd sleep in the bed. You sighed as your thoughts wandered from Crystals confrontation to Gregory and your conflicts. The one you had wasnt the first one you and him had since you came here. You didnt want to argue, you actually wanted the least stress as possible you could have in this world. There was enough happening already, you didnt need more to argue about but you wouldn’t let him get through with his ignorance. You all were working hard and you wouldn’t let him tell you that he deserved more that all the others. Suddenly you heard the door squeak and jolted up immediately. “Its just me”, Jesus said smiling at you while he walked inside carrying a box with supplies in his arms. “What have you got for us?” you asked as he put the box down next to the bed. “The usual stuff, but I also got this one here“, he said holding up a chocolate bar. ”But-”, you began to say but got interrupted by Jesus. ”No but, you worked hard and you deserve that and I won't let the Saviors take everything thats somehow good”, he said while you hesitated for a short moment. “Alright…thank you”, you finally said smiling at Jesus. “Andy told me what Crystal said. Don't let yourself get dragged down by that, okay?”, he asked while you swallowed. “I dont wanna see all people I like die again”, you said breathing out while you saw how the pictures of the night you lost your group to the saviors came up again. “And above all not because of me”, you added mumbling. Normally, you would try to not think about what she said for a long time but thinking about that your presence here could cost their lives,... Jesus life made a cold shiver run down your back. You looked at him and saw how he eyed your face concerned, before he pulled you softly into a hug. “Its gonna be alright”, he mumbled into your hair while you felt that warm feeling coming up in you. You didnt really know what was that thing between the both of you. Over the time you had spent together you had grown closer and even if you had first tried to deny the feelings that developed you knew that it wouldnt help in the end. At some point you just decided to look what this thing would develop into by time. Just weeks ago you had thought that you would never find someone again you could feel something for or that you could even allow yourself to let somebody become important to you after all what had happened. But he somehow made it happen and if you were honest you were happy about it even if there were still some doubts left. After some time you slowly loosened the hug and looked into his eyes. Before you could turn round you suddenly felt how Jesus placed his lips on yours and the warm feeling inside your body became even warmer. The kiss slowly deepened and before you could notice anything else one thing lead to another while your feelings overwhelmed you. All the sorrow you had have seemed a whole lot less painful. All that was left was happiness and the feeling of pure joy. The doubts you had werent important anymore, you were just glad that you had the chance to find true feelings in this cruel world. That what happened now counted for you right now and not what had happened before or could happen in the future. You just wanted to appreciate all the feelings that washed over you like a warm and soft wave that made you feel more comfortable than you ever imagined you could again.

You finally cuddled next to him, still smiling while the warmth fortunately stayed in your body and continued to give you that specific feeling you couldnt even describe, while you finally knew that Jesus felt the same.  ”Doesn't matter what they say...promise that you'll never think about leaving”, you heard Jesus mumble. “Jesus, why should I open the door and go into this cruel world, when I can stay here with you", you said looking smiling up to him. You saw how he began to smile widely and just moments later he pulled you into an even tighter hug while placing a soft kiss on your temple. From this day on you both were even closer than before and inextricable. There stayed a specific tense between Gregory and you but he and everybody else who had doubts about you before slowly began to accept that you had began to be an important part of this community and that you were as essential as everybody else here. You wouldnt ever forget your group and how they were taken away from you, but you knew that they would want you to be happy and as safe as possible and thats what you definitely were now with Jesus by your side.