#it tells the story of a breakup throughout the course of a time where you don’t know what to do

[goginaporter]

lyrical analysis of love you forever

or, breaking down ricky's love (confession) for gina

we're a little under three months out from the series finale of high school musical: the musical: the series. I've spent those months freaking out over rina and appreciating the beautiful arc they got in s4 that closed out their story over the course of the series. there are a million special moments that rina has in s4 (I mean, a rain kiss? can I have this dance? a duet together about their commitment to each other despite uncertainty? we really got it all) but one definitely stands out among the rest. love you forever is ricky's declaration of love for gina that he sings to her at her press conference for her new movie that, as far as he knows, is about to send her across the world. this post is gonna be a line by line analysis of the lyrics, as well as talking about everything that brought them to that moment and that made it special. enjoy <33

I've been wishing on a falling star for too long

this line opens the song and is such a beautiful callback to when there was me and you, the song ricky all but serenades gina with in 1.06 (the lines it references: I thought you were my fairy tale / A dream when I'm not sleeping / A wish upon a star / That's coming true). wtwmay is a song that gabriella sings after troy's betrayal in hsm and when ricky sings this line, to me, it represents a callback to his past relationship with nini. he was holding on to nini and that relationship too tight, wishing on a falling star. as gabriella says, wishes on stars just "don't come true" and for ricky, this relationship ultimately ended in failure. however, as much as this line signifies the crash and burn nature of that relationship, it's also a reference to the start of his relationship with gina in that bunker room as he strummed on a guitar, in a similar fashion to love you forever, to these lyrics.

I've been running, I don't know what from

this line references the conversation that ricky had with ej in 4.05 when ej forces ricky to reckon with the fact that he runs away from those he loves when faced with hard realities and that this tendency hurts both those around him, but also hurts him. it's incredibly full circle when you pair this with the fact that ricky is singing the song on the guitar ej gave him after they sang speak out, where ej tells him that "you'll probably get more use outta this than me" (4.05). i think it's really cool that this line also references gina's similar character flaw of running when things get hard, which she also sings about in second chance (Maybe I'm safer when I'm on the run / No time to open up my heart / Maybe I'll hide behind my walls again / Instead of tearing them apart) (also important to note that second chance is non-digetic and ricky has never heard gina sing these lyrics). so fascinating that ricky and gina have the same habit of running, with ricky running back to things that are familiar and gina pushing forward to leave things in the past before they can hurt her.

But you and I've become a sacred kinda home

this is one of my favorite lines of the song, especially because this theme of finding a home is such a critical cornerstone for both ricky and gina's arcs throughout the show. ricky's home life in s1 turns on its head when he discovers that his parents are separating. pairing this with his breakup with nini nearly sends him into a spiral, but he finds a new home of sorts in the theater program, telling gina "it's just nice to have somewhere to go after school every day, y'know" (1.05), which she herself resonates with, affirming his feelings.

of course, at the beginning of s2, we find out that ricky and his dad are moving to an apartment after his mom moves out. this drastic shift, the loss of his childhood home, is again disorienting, and again paired with changes with nini, what with her moving to denver. in 2.02, he tells nini that she is his home, which is really interesting, placing that kind of pressure on her. but what's even more interesting is that he knows he's moving, knows from the beginning of 2.01, and yet nini does not find out about his new home until 2.03 on valentine's day, months later. this is juxtaposed to gina showing up to his apartment that same episode. it's especially special that ricky is placed in the same situation that gina typically faces, the unpacking and getting accustomed to a new space. it is those undertones that serve as the undercurrent for their conversation. the apartment is in disarray when gina arrives, and remains that way for much of the season. gina, however, is endeared by the messy environment of the apartment and jokes along with ricky to put him at ease. by the time we return to it in s4, it's (naturally) much more lived in, with clothes strewn about, pictures of gina, and aptly placed posters lining the wall of ricky's room.

as I mentioned earlier, ricky calls nini his home in s2. this line says that he and gina together have become a home of sorts for each other. singing this to gina is important for ricky, but it also speaks to the unpredictable nature of gina's childhood, where she moved from city to city, never staying in one place for more than a few months, which she tells ricky in 1.05. by the end of s1, we think that she has to move again, something that's harder for her now that she's made connections with the wildcats, namely with ricky. as we see in the flashback scene in 2.06, she tells ricky that she wouldn't quit on them if not for her move, that they would essentially remain close if she weren't leaving salt lake. of course, she doesn't leave and instead moves in with ashlyn. it's her first taste of stability that she can really remember, but as she tells carlos in 2.04, she feels out of place living in a house she doesn't own and with a family that isn't hers. these feelings culminate in gina wanting to leave, a subplot we see primarily in 2.05 and 2.06. after revealing to ashlyn what she said to ricky opening night of hsm, ashlyn sings home from beauty and the beast to gina, telling her that she has a home with ashlyn, not just physically, but within their friendship. there is so much symbolism in that one scene that we don't have time to get into but this moment definitely shifts gina's perception of what a home can look like. in s3, we learn that her mom is moving back to salt lake city where she'll be staying long-term to allow gina to complete her time at east high. in fact, it's in this very house that we get our first scene of rina in s4, with ricky sneaking into her window. one's room is a reflection of oneself, and ricky and gina are all over each other's rooms, both literally and figuratively, throughout the season. combining this with the connection between the two that only strengthens over the course of the season, it comes as no surprise that ricky sees his and gina's relationship as a sacred home.

I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love and I know it / No net, no fear, right here in this moment

my twitter account was littered with theories and thoughts and hopes for ricky's love confession to gina, but whether it was public or private, planned or spontaneous, the one thing that I knew I wanted was for ricky to say that he is in love with gina. so on august 9th when ricky got to the chorus of love you forever, tears started pooling in my eyes because the confession, which was already literally perfect, delivered my biggest wish. one of my favorite aspects of the song is how much it reflects their journey because these are all the words that ricky would tell gina in some big speech, evidenced by him practicing all throughout 4.07. but when it comes down to it, after references to moments between them and beautiful metaphors, it builds to him telling gina not only does he love her, but that he's in love with her. there's no doubt in his mind of this fact. the sky is blue, the sun shines, and ricky bowen loves gina porter. so much of ricky's love for nini was tied to fear, especially a fear of change. that his love for gina transcends fear, that he is confident in what he tells her both shows his growth in romantic relationships but also in how much gina has redefined what it means to love someone for him.

I've never been more sure of what I got, yeah / Cause this is so much more than puppy love, so

continuing with the theme of confidence, ricky tells gina that he's never been more sure of what he's got in their relationship. I know I'm bringing rini up a lot but that relationship is a perfect frame of reference for how much ricky has changed when it comes to love. both his singing of I think I kinda you know in 1.01 and his love confession to nini in 1.10, while genuine, are riddled with stuttering and uncertainty ("I think", "I don't know", etc.). when you compare the ricky of 1.01 and the ricky of 4.08 and how he attempts to use song to profess his love, the differences are stark, and that's the point. as he all but said in 3.08, everything he's known about love has been changed by gina and that is reflected in love you forever. I love the puppy love nod and think it's narratively important for so many reasons. for one, it's a reference to their first date, as well as to gina's childhood. in that vein, it seems to mirror what gina tells ricky in 4.02, that mack was a crush of her childhood. calling what they have "more than puppy love" also nods to their growth, not just over the course of the series, but even throughout the season. from dealing with scrutiny in the fallout of the documentary to gina's increasingly busy schedule to their temporary pause to gina nearly moving across the world, they've been faced with many problems, and while they didn't handle all of them perfectly, they handled them together and came out that much stronger.

I'll say it first, no matter what the cost / Here I am full heart, full stop / I love you

in 3.05, ricky talks to jet following the fallout of the real campers of shallow lake drama. he asks jet what he's running from and tells him that sometimes when feelings are hard to articulate, it helps to sing instead. with love you forever, we see ricky taking his own advice. I love that ricky is insistent that he tells gina "I love you" first, both because he wants to rectify mistakes from his last relationship, but also because gina says, in a talking head, that she doesn't want to be the first to say "I love you," (4.06) further cementing the connection that rina has. it also affirms that there is no doubt in either of their minds that they love each other and want to say it to each other. it's also important to note that ricky understands the risk of singing this song at this point in time. for all he knows, gina is about to board a plane that will be taking her to the other side of the world for six months. however, he sings this song, affirms his love for her, no matter the cost, because he just wants her to know. he loves her in salt lake, he loves her in new zealand, and he loves her forever. ricky sings that he is there with a full heart, full stop I love you. in an interview after s3's finale, tim federle, the showrunner, states that while nini will always have a small part of ricky's heart, gina has a way of making hearts race. this line, to me, symbolizes the notion that gina is his heart, that his love for her encompasses it. there's a beautiful analysis of ricky being gina's heart canonically that I think helps tie all of this together, establishing that gina is ricky's heart, just like he is hers.

of course, I would be remiss to not talk about the full stop of it all. as we see in a flashback in 4.06, ricky opens up to gina in their first meeting about how he struggled saying I love you to nini, his ex. after hearing this, gina presents him with a possibility you can tell he's never considered: "maybe you just don't love her, full stop." ricky stutters in response, but doesn't fully negate gina's statement, in fact telling her that he's "kinda" planning on telling nini through song later that night outside her window (ironic that this plan doesn't pan out for him twice in the show, both here and in 2.03). that he brings up this notion of full stop, where there's no room for doubt, in his confession for gina further proves how deep and real and true their love is for each other. super small thing before I move on but I love how "I love you" gets its own special moment of pause in the song to fully communicate the gravity of such a statement.

I never knew that I could feel so sure and so strong /How can three old words feel so brand new?

Again, this idea of being sure comes up again in this second verse/buildup to the chorus. ricky has done the love confession before. he's been in love before. but again, with gina, it's different. it's deeper, more strong, more secure. and so when he says these words, in a situation that mirrors his audition for hsm, of course it feels different. in that auditon, he was singing nini's words back to her. love you forever, in contrast, is all ricky. those three words do feel new because now he's singing them to gina and for gina, where previously he sang them for himself. also a really cool note about the parallels between ricky's audition and love you forever is that tim federle released the initial script for love you forever, and one of the descriptions writes that ricky "launches into the audition of a lifetime." this song, this confession, is the start of his forever with gina. of course these words feel new.

Mm, so rare, so real right here in this moment / And I'm starin' at the only thing I want, so

I tear up hearing ricky say that the love that he has for gina is both rare and real. both ricky and gina, at different points throughout the show, cast doubt on love. ricky says in a talking head in 1.01 that love is dead (fun fact: ricky is wearing the same denim jacket from that talking head during love you forever teehee). gina, in the 4.06 flashback, calls love lame. their faith in love ebbs and flows throughout the show, but once they are together, there's no question. it's why ricky encourages the seblos reconciliation in 4.06 or why gina tells jet to confess his feelings for kourtney in 4.08. if they've found this beautiful love in each other, where they got a second chance on love in every sense of the words, why wouldn't they want that for everyone else, for the people that they love?

the second half of this lyric, of ricky "staring at the only thing he wants," is my absolute favorite line of love you forever. ricky's eyes are naturally drawn to gina in nearly every episode of the show, whether she's looking at him or not, whether they're speaking or not. even before he recognized those feelings in himself, we could see it because she was always the apple of his eye. this rings especially true during love you forever, where ricky does not take his eyes off of gina the entire song, except when miss jenn turns the lights on. gina is the center of his universe and who he has been drawn to since she entered his life. there was a tweet after s4 aired that stated that ricky looks at gina as though he's falling deeper in love with her every time and this line captures that.

I wanna finish what we started in the stairwell where we met

the bridge opens with this line and it's so fitting. to suggest that committing to loving each other forever is finishing what they started when they had that first conversation in the stairwell is so insane and will always make me spiral when I think about it. this line all but confirms that ricky and gina began to fall for each other in that moment. that their conversation in the stairwell is what catalyzed their respective character arcs also all but confirms that they're soulmates, that there was an invisible string that connected them, inexplicably tying their fates together forever.

I wanna live like I have never even heard the word regret

both ricky and gina have instances that they look back on and wish they had done things differently. gina says so explicitly in 2.05 when speaking to kourtney. she alludes to her goodbye to ricky after hsm's opening night, stating that it was something she wishes she could take back. in 3.06, ricky tells jet that he wishes that he didn't let color war gina slip through his fingers, suggesting that he would've done things differently if he were more cognizant of his feelings for her. ricky never wants to feel like that again, that he's missed his chance with gina due to fear. he wholeheartedly embraces his love for her because he knows what it was like to live without it and doesn't want to live in a world where gina isn't his reality.

I wanna scream what's in my heart and I won't ever take it back

ricky and ej's duet in 4.05 is about speaking your truth and speaking even when it's hard. the song even has a line about "screaming out." where in speak out, screaming out solicits no sound, ricky singing this line in love you forever is him being able to vocalize the feelings in his heart. he also commits to never taking these words back. his feelings for gina are eternal and everlasting. this is important for gina to hear because words have always been unreliable to her. people that she cares about, whether her mom or jamie or even e.j., have made verbal commitments to her at one point or another, and each one of them has later reneged on that commitment, whether intentionally or not. ricky can say these words, can say "I love you" to gina, because he's been saying it through his actions the entire show. gina doesn't always trust words, but she trusts actions. ricky has more than proven his love for her, and it's this continued declaration through his works that allows these words to ring true for her.

'Cause I love you feels a lot like high school and forever after that

I made this observation a couple weeks ago but this line is so fascinating. when the season first dropped and I heard the line, I was a tad confused. what does it mean for love to feel like high school? I was listening to the hsm3 soundtrack when it all clicked for me. in high school musical, the final song they sing in hsm3, the last line is "I want the rest of my life to feel just like a / High school musical" with this line, ricky is basically saying that he will love gina for the rest of his life. throwing in a hsm reference is also incredibly fitting given that they've just completed the first night of their run as troyella, further cementing their legacy as the troyella of the show. i love that, even when the bridge is repeated, ricky and gina are the only ones to sing these lines. when the bridge is sung for the third and final time, ricky and gina are now together on stage singing the words "I"m in love, I'm in love, I'm in love" to each other in between the lines of the bridge. the song closes with ricky singing "I love you feels a lot like high school" with gina singing "and forever after that." I love this ending for two reasons: ending the song with rina singing together re-emphasizes that they're in love, and in love together (for the first time), as tim mentions in an interview. I also love it because even as the wildcats join to sing the bridge near the end of the song, ricky and gina are the only people to sing the lines "I'm in love x3" and "I love you feels a lot like high school." even though their friends step in to sing some lines, ultimately, the song is a love song for gina, about gina, and that's why it ends with her. as tim (love how much I'm referencing him) mentioned in an interview, rina is the beating heart of the romance of the show, and their friends coming in to sing along to ricky's love song for gina fully solidifies this.

[reviewsdefinitionofsatisfaction]

Taylor has been lying on Joe since You’re Losing Me (Important Thread)

I’ve been confident in this theory since Midnights, but didn’t know how to spread it. Taylor is now blatantly lying about Joe and rewriting history. SHE was the one who didn’t want to get married, and Joe broke up with her over it. She chose fame over marriage, and the evidence is all over her music.

Ever since I heard “Mine” I instinctively knew Taylor was afraid of marriage. It’s the classic child-of-divorce case. “You say we’ll never make my parents’ mistakes.” / “Brace myself for the goodbye ‘cause it’s all I’ve ever known.”

Her fear of marriage continues throughout her discography. Don’t let “Lover” and “Paper Rings” fool you—those were false promises to Joe at the start of their relationship. Listen to “champagne problems,” a song she and Joe co-wrote. What couple writes a song about breaking up because the girl is terrified of marriage 4 years into their relationship? Why, one where that’s happening, of course. “Your Midas touch on the Chevy door,” aka how she always references Joe turning things to gold. And don’t forget “Renegade,” a song where in the music video SHE is the one anxiously staring out the window being told to “open the blinds.” (“Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything or do you just not want to?”, the lyric referring to Joe asking for marriage) This was a song written by Taylor from Joe’s perspective at the time. “I tapped on your window on your darkest night” (referring to Rep era) / “Starry eyes sparking up my darkest night.” … “And then you squeeze my hand as I’m about to leave.” (Joe’s POV) / “It’s on your face, don’t walk away, I need to say…” Taylor was the one always blowing up on him and then apologizing, as illustrated in Afterglow, The Great War, and most obviously her post-breakup behavior. Joe was NOT the volatile one of the two (also supported by articles released by her team, stating Joe’s personality was “great for Taylor” because “he is very calm”).

Then, just look at Midnights. The Bejeweled music video (which Taylor wrote and directed) is the clearest thing. A video all about choosing pop-stardom over a ring from a prince? While she and her boyfriend are having marriage disagreements? Hmmm. Interesting. Seriously, just go watch the intro to that video and tell me Taylor was the one fighting to get married behind the scenes.

Midnights lyrics: “He wanted a bride, I was making my own name. Chasing that fame.” (a person who WANTS to get married would NOT be writing this song!!!) “All they keep asking me is if I’m gonna be your bride. The only kind of girl they see is a one night or a wife.” “No deal the 1950s shit they want from me. I just wanna stay in that lavender haze” “I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser.” “I have this dream my daughter-in-law kills me for the money. She thinks I left them in the will.” (accompanied by elaborate scene displaying family-related anxieties in music video)

This is someone who is terrified of marriage and being an adult. I believe she launched herself into a fame-hug to avoid confronting her issues with Joe at this late stage in their relationship. After he broke up with her, she realized how deep of a mistake she made during the Eras Tour. Hence, the big lie in “You’re Losing Me” (which was written THEN, in 2023, conveniently dropped during the Matty Healy controversy) and her daring him to “say something” about the lie. (False God lyric: “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this, staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town.” When they fight, he was always the one ignoring her craziness.) And soon after, her peculiar surprise song choices on June 23: “Paper Rings” (“I’d marry you with paper rings”) and “If This Was A Movie” (“If this was a movie, you’d be here by now”).

The initial breakup article by People (Tree Paine’s mouthpiece) even outlines this story. “According to multiple sources, Swift and Alwyn had been ‘talking about marriage as recently as a few months ago.’ But at the end of the day, the couple wasn’t ready for a future together. ‘Taylor didn’t see them working out in the long run,’ says the insider.” This was before she wrote YLM, trying to provoke him, and now she will be driving it further with this new album I’m certain she wrote during 2023, NOT 2 years ago like she and Jack are trying to push. Her having Jack drop YLM’s “2021 date,” and then liking that tweet implying Sweet Nothing was not about Joe (when it was clearly about Joe)… she’s rewriting the narrative. You can’t trust a word she says.

[plush-rabbit]

Loneliness Back at Home

TW: self-degradation

Word Count: 2.2K

A/N: Can yall guess the feelings that im going through rn

Of course they were going to move on with their lives. What became frequent and everyday text messages, slowly turned to once a week, and then once every two weeks, and then once every month, and then you were given a meme, and a reaction, and you should have seen it coming. You should have prepared yourself for the breakup of a friendship.

You were a fool to believe that you would still be adored after months of separation. Even Lucifer had warned you about it when you asked for your D.D.D. to accept calls and messages from the Human Realm. He had only scowled and told you that it would be a waste, that human relations hardly ever last long distance and you fought with him, tears burning in your eyes, and shame on the tips of your ears, telling him that it wasn’t going to be like that, arguing with a man older than you could ever comprehend about something childish in his eyes. He had only relented when you threatened to ask Lord Diavolo yourself for a connection plan to the Human Realm. You cannot fathom how smug he’ll be when you tell him to cancel the phone line to the Human Realm. 

Tears well up in your eyes and it’s becoming difficult to swallow whatever is lodged in your throat. The crown of your head hits the back of your headboard and you dig your nails into your palms, forcing for the tears to stop. 

No, you are not going to cry over them. Friendships come and go. You always told yourself you were the least liked, the one who they felt like they had to invite, the one who didn’t really fit in, the one who thought of everyone as a close friend but no one else thought the same. You were only there to fill the gaps, nothing more. You had to prepare yourself because you knew the truth, because the others were too kind to ever tell you otherwise.

And yet, it did nothing to soften the pain of rejection and abandonment.

In the loneliness of your mind, you told yourself that when you went back to the House of Lamentation, you’d be quieter, you’d be less of a nuisance- you’d be likable. 

Your friends were sitting around you, laughing and talking, and every conversation that they had were about moments when you weren’t there. They had jokes that were unknown to outsiders, and you sat there, as an outsider, as someone marring their meet-up, as an onlooker and nothing else. They dropped you off, and later in their stories, you saw that they went out without you. 

It wasn’t that you wanted them to have fun without you- you much prefer if they showed the world how happy they were rather than hide their happiness to spare your feelings anyways- but it was them ignoring you, looking the other way. You’d speak up and your words would be drowned by others, and your sentence would be snuffed before it had even begun to light. 

You let the sting last throughout the night and in the morning when you went to the store, you saw them at the self-checkout, and they were smiling. Their contact lit your screen and you thought about calling them, about giving them a cheeky, “look up” and waving at them- a final outreach of friendship- but you stopped yourself. They hadn’t invited you, what would make you think that they would want to say hello to you. No, you saved yourself from that humiliation, from your own desperation and walked further into the store. You walked away, buying time to make sure that they left the store so you could save each other from the awkward hellos. 

Everyone that you passed in the market seemed content in their life, as you walked alone, clutching your items awkwardly in your hands. You saw the back of their clothes as they walked out the store and you replaced them where they once stood in line.

Love echoes in the walls, and you miss the way that you were once loved. 

There is no notification from your phone- no goodbyes, no concerns. You’re gone from their lives, nothing more than a memory, something for them to smile about when they remember something that you once said. To you, they are still everything, you weren’t ready to say goodbye, and all the love you have for them leaks from your heart and spills itself on the collar of your shirt and stains your hands.

“Hey-” he walks into your room,eyes closed and a sort of upturned nose type of attitude, with his phone and charger, held tight in his hand- “you promised that when you got back we’d-” he looks up at you, and stops, falling silent. “Shit,” he curses under his breath, “you okay?” 

You roll your lips into your mouth, nipping at the bottom, and your vision is getting blurry, the light from your lamp streaking in the corner of your vision. You hum, nodding your head, and it sounds painful- high-pitched and forced, and when he says your name, closing the door behind him, you cry. 

The comforter wrinkles under you, and any of the high and mighty acts of him not loving you, crumbles as you do.

“Hey, hey,” Mammon mutters, “you okay? Who- What happened?” His arms wrap around you, and you’re pressed to his chest, the warmth burning against your cheeks. 

“The trip was a total bust,” you spat out in tears. Your hands twist into the fabric of his shirt, and you try to calm down. You told yourself that you would be likable- that you would be quieter than all of this needless wailing.

“What happened?” He asks, running his hand under your shift, manicured nails running up and down your spine. Your chest shudders with every breath that you take, and you try to bury yourself deeper into him. “You can tell me-” at another pitiful attempt of choking back a sob, he quickly adds- “or not. There’s no pressure. Just uh- know that I’m here for ya, all right?” His hand stops in the middle of your back, and he traces loops and circles down your back. 

“It’s like we weren’t even friends,” you murmur. “They were laughing and going out, and having fun without me and- fuck!” Your legs twist and rub themselves over each other, begging for something to swallow you whole, to have you disappear from sight. “It sounds so selfish when I say it outloud. I- I just wanted them to have fun with me.” You wish you cried in the shower where he wouldn’t have been able to see you.

“That doesn’t sound so bad. Everybody’s selfish around here, ya know.” His other hand has sneaked to hold onto your hand, running his thumb over your knuckles. “We must’ve rubbed off on ya or somethin’.” 

“At least people like being around you. I mean- fuck,”  you whimper, twisting yourself further into him. “Is it me? Like it has to be me, right?” You croak out, eyes wide with horror, and nails clawing into your skin as a repayment, because of course it is you, and of course you have to pay for it- for being so annoying, so demanding, so unlovable.

“No, no,” he coos, twisting himself to hold you, his arms snaking around you, legs intertwined with yours, trapping you beside him, subjecting himself to his own torment. “It isn’t you,” he tells you. 

“But it’s me that they’re leaving,” you say in a hushed voice. “It’s not the other way around. I’m the one that’s being left behind. Even at work, I don’t have friends- like sure they tolerate me, but they don’t like me.” Your voice starts to give, it’s uneven and wavers with each syllable. “Even with my friends from the Human Realm, they’re laughing and talking and I-” your heart breaks, and you feel the sting of rejection burn and sear itself across your body. “I felt alone. I felt-” you stop yourself. You felt like you were a child again, picked last for a group project, sitting alone at lunch, begging that the teacher would assign groups, stomach twisting and turning at the thought of gym, desperate to keep your friends by sacrificing every bit of yourself. Your tears stop for a moment, and your lungs are filled with air, expanding and too much to bear. “I felt pathetic.”

“Don’t say that,” he says softly.

“But I am. I really thought they were going to miss me the way that I missed them. But they were done with me. I was the one begging for the meet up. I was the one initiating conversations.” You let out a sigh, and rise, pulling away from him. “I- I thought I was at least someone’s favorite- that maybe they still considered me a friend.” A sob breaks through your ramble. “I held out onto some stupid hope that someone could tolerate me.”

“I tolerate you,” he adds quickly.

You let out a breath, pushing it out of your body. “You didn’t before,” you counter and he winces. “You were forced to like me and fuck, Mammon.” You intake a large breath and you’re unable to keep it in your body. “I’m sorry for how annoying I was.” You dip your head down, and feel your tears drip down. 

“You weren’t,” his voice is low, and his hands cup at your cheeks, and lift you up. “I was just annoyed at Lucifer- it was never for you; it just had to be or Lucifer would’ve had my ass swinging from the ceiling.” You snort, rubbing at the tip of your nose and sniveling. Your forehead meets his shoulder, and his warmth isn’t as suffocating as it was moments before. “There ya go, got you smilin’. That must count for somethin’.

“Counts for a lot,” you mutter, turning your head to rest your cheek over his shoulder, your nose ghosting over the side of his neck. There’s a moment of silence, of you reaching your arms around him and bunching up the back of his shirt and stretching in downwards. The tag of his shirt peeks out. “I can’t believe I have to tell Lucifer that he was right,” you moan, pressing yourself closer to him. 

“Yeah,” Mammon breathes out, his fingertips dancing along the line where your shirt begins along the nape of your neck, “he’s never gonna let you live that down.” His head knocks softly against yours, and you let out a humorless chuckle.

“Great,” you say with sarcasm twisted into your words. You pull away from him, and he sits tall, watching as you sit on his lap, hands sliding from the back of his shirt, across his chest, and resting over his shoulders. “What if I don’t tell him? Just you know-” you loll your head to the sides a few times- “let him waste money.”

“He’d kill ya,” Mammon says without a smile. He leans forward, the tip of his nose pressed against yours in a faux bunny kiss. “And who would I have backin’ up my ideas?”

Your eyes close and a smile stretches softly. “You could always bribe Beel, and after that Belphie would follow. Asmo would join for the heck of it, and if you twist Levi’s arm enough, he’d join too.” You pause. “Satan would just need the excuse to piss off Lucifer.”

“Ha!” He pulls away and you lean back into him, the labor of crying and self-pitying finally catching up to you. “You think about leavin’ my side often or what?”

“Or what,” you say in a whisper that ghosts over his neck. “I like thinking.” 

You feel the smile on his lips as he presses a chaste kiss against yours, letting his lips flutter against your tear-stained skin. “Funny-” his lips kiss your skin once more. “Anyways,” his chest pushes out as he exhales, and you’re grateful he’s warm, or else you would have buried yourself under blankets while you cried yourself to sleep. You hum in response, and let a hand of yours fall to the mattress, and toy with the end of his shirt, your knuckles brushing alongside his bare skin every now and then. “You feelin’ better?” He asks in a soft voice. “I helped?” You smile at how eager he is to hear how he helped, and you wished he asked earlier so you could praise him and kiss him, and hold him in your arms as if he were a lifeline in the middle of the vast sea. 

You nod. “You helped,” you agree, placing a gentle kiss where the soft of his skin gives away his emotions. “You helped plenty, Mammon. I’m not crying myself to sleep, so I’m counting that as a win.”

The bed sinks and you feel the dip even as you lay on him. Something soft covers you, and you don’t have the strength to open your eyes and see what it is. “Good, good,” he says quietly, turning his head to place a kiss against the side of yours. “‘S what I’m here for.”

[bellaxgiornata]

Falling For the Devil [Part sixty: "The Long Awaited Kiss"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: Matt has been returning to your apartment as Daredevil in the evenings, but everything between you both is not quite back to normal.

Or You wonder why Matt hasn't wanted to kiss you yet.

Warnings: 18+ for this series; contains humor, fluff, romance, angst, smut (like...a lot of it later in the series), language, some violence

Word Count: 3k

a/n: This installment is pure fluff after what Reader and Matt just went through. You can find the entire list of installments for this series on tumblr here.

It had been four days now since you’d woken up in Matt’s apartment after the horrific encounter with Backman. That very morning, after you’d discussed things with Matt, you had both finally eaten the cold breakfast and Matt had called you a cab to bring you home. He wouldn’t hear of you walking and he would have probably crawled into the cab with you if you’d have let him. But you figured you both needed time to process the conversation you’d just had, and you had needed some time to mentally process what had happened to you. Though when you’d gotten home and had turned on the news, you immediately saw the story of Heinrich Backman’s arrest all over every news channel. Just as Matt had promised you, you were now safe from Backman. The relief you had felt from that was palpable.

You’d also spent the past four days recovering in your apartment from the injuries you'd sustained, though unfortunately you’d only further terrified Ellison when you’d had to tell him a vague version of what had happened to you. He didn't even have you writing fluff now–you were now solely on copy editing duty. But while that massive downgrade hurt in your soul, you were admittedly happy to have the time to recover without losing your job.

During the time you’d been stuck in your apartment this week, Matt repeatedly kept sending you food deliveries for breakfast and lunch no matter how many times you’d told him it wasn’t necessary. He had wanted to send them for dinners as well, but you’d told him you were so bored that you needed cooking as a distraction. He’d also been calling to check in on you throughout the day almost every few hours, and while you’d thought his concern was sweet, you’d had to beg him to dial it back a bit. It had taken you three conversations with him before he finally did.

In the evenings he had begun to stop by again, something that filled your heart with a warmth every time he did. He’d appear on your fire escape dressed in his red suit, lightly knocking on your window and waiting for you to let him in. You’d feed him whatever you’d made for dinner that night knowing that he hadn’t eaten anything since lunch. Both of you would sit on the couch while he ate, the two of you continuing to talk about the breakup and everything around it. You’d spent the last three nights doing just that until you’d eventually gotten to the point last night where neither of you really had anything more to discuss except the same things you already had repeatedly gone over multiple times. You didn't need to be able to hear Matt's heartbeat to know the truth in his words when he spoke to you, either.

Of course while you were recovering at home you were also still struggling to process the traumatic situation with Backman, even if the man and his accomplices were in police custody now. Though you’d been grateful that this time around, after what had happened, Matt was always present and there for you when he wasn’t at work. He’d even offered to stop going out in the mask at night for as long as you needed him to, but you’d preferred that he did. You felt safer knowing he was keeping an ear out around Hell’s Kitchen and making sure no one else had figured out your connection to Daredevil now that Backman was gone. But every night he’d return to your window like clockwork and stay over. You would fall asleep with him holding you close and comforting you when you occasionally woke from a nightmare. 

But despite all of that, things were not exactly as they had been with you and Matt right before you had been kidnapped from your office. And while you'd expected as much, you were a bit shocked that Matt's physical affection ended at cuddling and hand holding. The only thing he'd kissed over the last four days was your forehead, and while you'd melted into him the few times he had, reveling in the affectionate gesture, you'd craved a bit more. Not that you were ready for sex yet–especially not with the way that gash in your side still hurt–but you had been realizing how desperate for physical comfort you'd become over the past couple of days. You wanted more from Matt, but you weren't sure why he wasn't exactly giving you that. 

And tonight, you'd decided, you would finally ask Matt what was holding him back instead of jumping to conclusions. Which you'd already admittedly been doing all day today.

You were sitting on your couch cocooned in a plush blanket as you shamelessly binged Love Is Blind on Netflix when you heard that familiar knock on your window. A smile slid its way onto your mouth as you untangled yourself from the blanket and slipped off the couch, careful to avoid pulling your stitches. Making your way to the window beside your television, you could clearly see Matt clad in his red suit, a smile on his own face as you approached. 

Reaching out, you slid the window up and stepped aside. Matt climbed in, a chilly gust of late February air following him. You made to close the window after him but were stopped by Matt when he gently encircled his arms around your shoulders and drew you into his body instead. He nuzzled his nose along the top of your head almost immediately.

"I missed you today," Matt whispered into your hair. 

Your own arms wrapped around his waist tightly, your face burying into the armor on his chest as you breathed in that scent of him you loved so much–sweat and something almost leather-like from his suit. Over those six weeks you’d been broken up you knew you had missed that scent, but being able to breathe it in again while his protective arms were wrapped around you always had you realizing just exactly how much you’d missed it. 

“I missed you, too,” you replied.

The pair of you stayed in the embrace for a minute, your mind entirely blank to everything but the feel of him around you. You loved that you could hold him like this again and that he actually held you back in return. But when a particularly rough breeze blew through the still open window, sending a little shiver down your spine, Matt reluctantly released you. He turned and closed the window firmly.

“I made that stir fry you used to like so much tonight,” you told him as he turned back around. “I’m assuming you’re hungry?”

One of his gloved hands rose up, pulling the helmet from his head. His gaze fell fondly along your collarbone, a soft smile slipping onto his face as he ran his other hand through his hair.

“I haven’t, no,” he admitted. “You know you don’t have to feed me every night, though, right?”

“Do you suddenly not like my stir fry, Murdock?” you asked teasingly, head tilting to the side.

He chuckled lightly, shaking his head. “I love it quite a lot actually,” he countered. “But I just don’t want you feeling like you need to take care of me. You should be worrying about yourself right now.” His hand rose, gesturing towards your side. “That sounds better than it did a few days ago but it’s still a deep wound. You shouldn’t be pushing yourself.”

You waved a hand at him before turning and heading towards your kitchen. “Cooking doesn’t require much physical effort. Especially in comparison to someone else who gets stabbed and, I don’t know, decides to scale the side of multiple story buildings and get stabbed some more.”

You shot him a smile over your shoulder as you continued towards the kitchen. Your heart fluttered happily in your chest when you saw he was grinning back at you.

“Mmm, I don’t think I actually choose to get stabbed, sweetheart,” he countered. “It sort of just…happens.”

“Yes,” you mused, opening your fridge door and pulling out the bowl of food you’d made up for him after you had finished eating dinner earlier, “because occasionally getting stabbed is certainly not expected when you decide to go out and punch the shit out of bad guys. Yeah, no,” you continued sarcastically, enjoying the sound of his warm laughter filling your apartment once again as you placed the bowl in the microwave, “you’re certainly not choosing to get stabbed doing that.”

“Alright, point taken,” he conceded.

“I can heat this back up if you want to get changed out of that suit,” you told him, turning and leaning against the counter as you waited for the microwave to heat up his food.

He nodded quietly before making his way towards your bedroom where his tee-shirts and sweatpants once again neatly resided in your drawer. You’d never ended up needing to give them back to him.

The microwave finished a couple of minutes later and you carefully reached up, pulling the warm bowl from inside before setting it on the counter. You made your way to a cabinet by the sink next, pulling down a glass before filling it with water at the faucet. Sliding open a drawer, you pulled out a fork and then turned, heading back towards the bowl you’d made. You were about to pick it up and bring everything out towards your coffee table, but warm hands were very carefully wrapping around you before you could. Matt was behind you a moment later, his chest just barely brushing up along your back at first.

“Thank you,” he whispered in your ear.

Your eyes snapped shut with him so close to you, his warm breath falling over your neck as he still clung to you from behind, his hands splayed wide over your stomach. Heart beating a little faster at the heat of him surrounding you, his hands tightened their hold on you in response as he drew you in closer to the front of himself. You desperately wanted to turn your head and just kiss him right now. He was so close, just right there, but the memory of a few nights back flashed through your mind of when you’d tried to kiss him and he’d abruptly turned. The feel of your lips hitting his stubble briefly ran through your mind. Something unpleasant twisted in your stomach at the memory.

“What’s wrong?” Matt murmured.

“I just…” you began, eyes still shut as your voice trailed off. You took a deep breath and forced yourself to continue as Matt remained hugging you from behind. “There’s something I wanted to ask you about, I guess,” you said weakly.

Gradually his arms released their hold on you and he took a step back. You set the glass of water you’d been holding down before turning and facing Matt, your back resting against the countertop.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked.

Nervously your gaze darted down to where your hands began fidgeting in front of yourself. “I know things are going to take time before they get back to where they were between us,” you began carefully, “and that’s fine. That’s–that’s expected. But…I’ve noticed you haven’t wanted to kiss me since we started working through things. And I–I don’t want to make assumptions as to why, but I didn’t really understand.”

Silence had fallen in your kitchen at your words. Chewing your lip, you chanced a look up at Matt before you and your brows drew together curiously. He had a sheepish smile on his mouth as he focused his gaze around your chest.

“Believe me,” he replied, “it is not a matter of not wanting to. I was giving you space, not wanting to make you feel like I was rushing things. I didn’t know if you were ready for that again and I figured you would let me know when you were.”

“Oh,” you breathed out. “I didn’t know that. So this–this is good. Us talking about things.”

“Yes,” Matt said, that sheepish smile turning into a big grin. “It is good. So does that mean–” he continued, pausing only for his tongue to briefly slip out between his lips, “–that you want me to kiss you?”

Eyes focused on his mouth, your heart felt like it was hammering away in your chest. It had been almost two months since he’d last kissed you. You absolutely wanted him to kiss you already.

“Yes,” you whispered, eyes glued to his lips.

He stepped towards you and you swore your heart flew up into your throat the moment he did, your face tilting up expectantly towards his. One of his hands reached out, tenderly tucking some hair behind your ear before his fingers gently traced their way down your cheekbone, down the expanse of your cheek, moving all the way to your chin. He held your chin between a few of his fingers, slowly lifting your mouth closer towards his. Your pulse was racing in anticipation for this kiss, the one you’d been desperately craving for more than six weeks. 

Your eyes slid up from where they’d been focused on his mouth, his lips glistening with saliva from when his tongue slipped out and moistened them. Your gaze moved upwards to take in the sight of his eyes and the affectionate way they were gazing back down at you. Swallowing hard, you felt like your body was starting to tremble as you tried to refrain from just jumping at him and crashing your mouth onto his. 

You almost stopped breathing when he finally leaned in, very softly connecting his lips to yours. Arms instinctively flying up, they wrapped tight around Matt’s neck, holding him firmly to you as you eagerly kissed him back. You could feel just how badly he’d missed you with how quickly his lips began more fervently moving against yours. One of your hands snaked its way upwards, fisting his dark hair gently as a faint whine left your mouth. At the sound, the hand he wasn’t holding your chin with landed on your back, just between your shoulder blades. He was pulling you into him, pressing you tight to his body. 

His tongue soon made its way into your mouth and you leaned further into him. You felt like he was taking over your senses–the taste of him on your tongue; the scent of him once again filling your nose; the desperate, sharp breaths escaping his mouth between kisses hitting your ears; the feel of his solid and warm body almost flush to yours. You were becoming overwhelmed with Matt, desperate for more and abruptly becoming aware of just how much you'd missed him.

Eventually his grip released your chin, his hand sliding back to cup your cheek and carefully breaking you both apart. You were breathing hard, shocked at how worked up you’d so easily found yourself as Matt’s forehead gently came to rest against yours. His shoulders were heaving with his own deep breaths.

“We should probably stop right there,” Matt panted out.

You swallowed hard, nodding your head in agreement. “Yeah,” you gasped out. “Probably a good idea. Apparently the uh, physical aspect of things is all still quite there,” you admitted with a blush.

Matt smirked, huffing out a light laugh. “I wasn’t exactly concerned that had gone anywhere,” he teased back. “But I don’t think we should.”

“I agree,” you said. 

You cleared your throat, trying to collect yourself as you pulled back from Matt. He straightened before you and your hands gradually released him, returning to your sides. Matt’s hands quickly followed suit.

“I should let you eat before your food gets cold,” you told him.

“I suppose that’s one way to keep our hands to ourselves right now,” Matt mused, reaching behind you and grabbing the bowl of food and the glass of water.

Pushing off of the counter, you made your way back to the living room with Matt following behind. You grabbed your remote from the coffee table before you sat down on the couch, Matt sitting down beside you.

“You don’t need to turn it off on my account,” he said quickly. “Though what are you watching? I’ve been trying to figure it out.”

“Love is Blind,” you told him, setting the remote back down.

Matt shot you a curious raised brow as he began to eat. You giggled at the quizzical expression on his face.

“It’s just a stupid reality show where these people go on and try to fall in love without ever having seen each other,” you quickly explained. “They claim it's a social experiment or whatever.”

“Social experiment?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you said, drawing your legs up under you on the couch and getting comfortable. “To see if someone can fall in love without ever seeing the other person.”

Beside you, Matt let out a very loud, very amused bark of laughter. You turned, focusing on him as he quickly swallowed down the bite of food in his mouth. 

“That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard,” he said with a laugh. “ I’m blind and I can assure you it’s entirely possible for those of us who are to fall in love.”

You snorted in response, a laugh falling out of you afterwards as you covered your mouth. Beside you on the couch, Matt had paused his eating as his eyes remained on you. There was a massive, genuine smile plastered across his face, the dimple in his right cheek very apparent as he watched you.

“What?” you asked, still grinning.

“I missed that cute little snort you always do when something funny takes you by surprise,” he admitted.

Your bottom lip rolled back between your teeth, heat creeping up onto your cheeks. “Ever the charmer, I see, Mr. Murdock,” you replied nervously.

“Only when it comes to you, sweetheart,” he countered cheekily.

He shot you a playful wink that had your cheeks burning up a little further. You snuggled deeper into the couch, your eyes returning to the television before you as Matt continued to eat. Your right hand unconsciously rose up to grip the gold pendant necklace with Matt’s handwriting hanging from your neck once again. 

You definitely had missed him.

[tenkasato]

Hi hi😁 im really glad to catch ur requests open. Ten, would it be alright to adk for a comfort fic with Akashi and his insecure fem! best friend in their 20s? Like sure akashi is perfect abd all but with each other they can share their ups and downs as young adults navigating through life. They experience heartaches and breakups and drunk nights and happy moments, victories, failures, anxieties, hilarious moments etc that theyll remember forever. Theyve fought too and made up throughout the years. Theyre both confused with their careers and perosnal lives. Akashis more sure definitely but she doesnt know where shes going. I thinj this has thr potential to br a funny story hahaha. They just sypport one another always! Maybe they end up together in the end or just implied? Lots of fluff please!! Thank u so much. If it's too vague mayve just akashi tirelessly motivating her and believing in her always never once doubting her potential? You can of course tweak all the details to ur liking judt this general vibe is more than okay. Really need this one! (me im confused 20 something lol) thank you so so much this would mean the world to me.

Hi anon! Let me start by saying how much I adore this idea. I was thinking of how I could incorporate the scenes you listed. At first I was thinking of writing headcanons, but I think writing a narrative of Akashi’s POV will allow him to be more expressive. Anyways, without further ado… ^^

Pairings: Akashi Seijuro x bestfriend!reader

Akashi Seijuro knows what your every breath meant.

He watches you furrow your brows, pucker your lips and make a sharp exhale as you scan the list of entrance exam passers on the board. He waits for you to find your name (there, in the middle of the people sharing your surname. He’s seen it minutes ago), and when you finally did, he observes your sigh of relief.

A radiant smile stretches your lips.

“I passed,” you announce, as if he didn’t know yet.

“Of course,” he answers. His voice brims with confidence. If there’s anyone who could put her mind to something she wanted, it was his best friend.

“Come on, I’ll treat you!” you enthuse, hooking an arm around his as you walk away from the crowd.

Your breathe trembles. Excitement zapped in with flavors of anxiety. 

Even so, he’s glad you’re going to college with him.

– 0 – 

There are times when Akashi wishes you saw yourself with his eyes.

Your hair sits like a worn-out mop on your head. Light make-up smudged at the wrong places. Eyes rimmed with exhaustion, hurt and self-contempt. 

“I should’ve know,” you release a long-drawn groan. “I should’ve know he was a good-for-nothing jerk who just wanted me as some sort of a trophy!”

Akashi’s quiet gaze falls on your drink—warm milk, before a smile captures his lips. Who gets drunk on milk anyways?

“Am I not good enough, Sei?” you mewl. Your eyes are huge and watery, begging him to disagree. 

He sighs. “I warned you early on that that boy was nothing short of trouble. Did you at least heed my words?”

You wince and lay your head over your folded arms. With another groan, you snuggle to the side of his arm. “I need my best buddy right now. Not a father.”

“And a friend I am,” he says. He thinks it over, and then, “He is blind.”

“What?”

“You are a supremely flawed human being. We all are. Needless to say, you are a definitely a cut above many.”

You hear the tease in his voice, narrow your eyes and huff. “Is that your way of comforting me?”

Akashi remembers the time you lightheartedly prepare a meal for your now ex-boyfriend. He recalls the genuine emotions dancing in your eyes. He hears your hopeful voice, the one that carries a song of future promises. 

He wishes you’d see yourself through his eyes.

“No, it’s my way of telling you the truth.”

– 0 – 

Akashi thinks you’re like the moon. Meek and fluctuating.

When you were kids, you always shied away from the adults. You preferred to play with him at the garden or in his room. 

Whenever he invited you out to one of the family busines dinners, you begrudgingly tagged along. The polite smile on your face never left, but he could see hints of unease in the way you kept close to him.

When with his friends or teammates in Teiko, you’d exchange pleasantries, indulge them in small talks and even spill supposedly embarrassing things about him. He’d feel you stealing glimpses of him as you looked for reassurance.

“I think you’re like the sun, Sei,” you tell him one time, during the heat of an argument he’d rather not have. It was one of those times when you two walk home together in the swell of the night, university work keeping you both out longer than normal. 

You’ve stopped on your tracks, and instead, you’re glaring at him. 

“Pardon?” he says.

“I said, you’re like the sun. It’s like you’re meant to rule the skies. You’ve got everything figured out. You’ve got your path laid out for you, and all you need to do is walk over it.”

Akashi finally faces you. It’s then that he notices the slight glimmer in your eyes. Tears from you are rare, and that is why seeing them adorning your gaze makes his chest ache.

“I meant no offense,” Akashi explains. “All I am trying to say is that this indecision might deter you from realizing the things you really want.”

“But what can I do about it? I’m not so sure what I want to do. You think shifting courses is easy?”

He shakes his head. “I did not say that. But you need to start making choices that you wouldn’t second think at the last moment and waste valuable time.”

Your eyes flare at the jab. “Someone like you won’t understand what it’s like to be unsure and lost. You’re talented, smart and versatile. On the other hand, I have to work thrice as hard just to get by each day. I bet you’ve never experienced feeling empowered and ready to take the world one second, only to run out of fumes the next moment.”

A choked noise rumbles your throat as you inspire some air. 

“And unlike you, I wasn’t born with a silver spoon up my ass! Stop pretending as if you understand me at all!”

The hurt etches itself on his face, you realize too late.

“Ah… Seijuro, I didn't mean to…” you begin, but he walks ahead of you.

“Let’s go home,” he tells you, not wanting to talk further.

The silence of the aftermath kills you, but it also kills him too, knowing that he could’ve told you about how he thinks the moon glows brighter at nights.

– 0 – 

Akashi knows he isn’t infallible.

He’s been beaten by you in a game of cards multiple times when you were seven. He’s fallen a flight of stairs once, and just when he thought no one saw, a blast of laughter emanated from you. He’s worn clothes that were 'outrageously heinous’ according to you. He’s made you cry before, many times—sometimes because of the most mundane and pettiest of things such as eating your dessert accidentally, but sometimes because of almost irreparable damages such as when he told you he needed no one else but himself.

It was a lie of course, and you knew it.

So when he went home after Rakuzan’s defeat at the hands of Seirin, you were there, perched on his bed. Glowing with warmth. 

“I figured you want to watch movies with me?” you said with a wry smile. You gestured at the cups of hot chocolate by his lamp.

He wasn't perfect. He won't ever be, but he figures that that's okay.

– 0 – 

Akashi can tell when you're nervous.

"I'm so nervous, Sei," you verbalize his thoughts out loud, going over the mirror to strip down to your underclothes.

Akashi ducks, keeping his eyes back to his phone. "Will you please change in private?" he asks, peeved.

"What," you stick out your tongue, putting on that long, cream dress. It falls until your ankles. "We used to run around buck naked in the river when we were younger."

"Emphasis on the younger."

You try to pull the back zipper up, but it proves to be challenging given the low level cut of the dress. Instead, you walk towards him with your hand holding the fabric behind your back. With the other hand on your hip, you ask, "Well? Classy enough?"

"They say it's a trick question when a woman asks about how she looks."

"I'm serious," you hiss.

"You look presentable," he gives in, smiling a bit.

You beam at him before turning back towards the mirror. As you pick up a tube of lipstick, Akashi notices the journal sitting atop your desk.

"Hey, thanks for agreeing to this," you say all of the sudden, unknowingly disrupting his train of thoughts. "I just needed someone to be my date for this event. Otherwise, they'll accuse me of wasting a free ticket… that or, they call me unsociable. That's going to make me feel like crap again."

Akashi sighs for the umpteenth time that day, staring down at the yellowing cover and multi-colored marks of your worn-out journal. It’s the notebook he gave you a few years ago. Hands hovering above the worn out notebook, he says, "You need not to feel like crap just because there are scrutinizing eyes watching you."

"You don't get it," you reply. "This is huge for me and my career. If I screw up—"

"You will rise back," he completes the sentence for you. Akashi holds your nervous gaze, then adds, "Adversaries are meant to defeat us until we gain enough strength and means to overcome. Don't be daunted by the possibility of failure.

"Refrain from holding yourself back, and start believing in people when they tell you about how amazing you are in your own rights."

The monumental pause and gawking you give him is enough to make him grin.

Turning away before he sees your eyes glisten, you harrumph, "Always so flowery in your words, Sei. Whatever. Help me pull this zipper up, will you?"

Grin widening, he ambles over to you to do just that. 

– 0 –

There are a number of things Akashi constantly wonders about.

For example, he wonders why you always make a fuss about him. You were also like this before. When he lost his mother, you did everything to fill up the gaping hole.

“Hmm, should you use this tie?” you ask, placing the said clothing article over his chest, “or this black one? I think the black one fits you better than this red one, hmm?”

You toss the chosen tie on the chair before he can let a word out. You proceed on rummaging through his closet, muttering under your breath about how rich Akashi is and how having too many clothes to choose from is a bother.

Akashi chuckles and grabs the tie you selected. “Calm down.”

“Calm down?” you repeat, incredulous. “You’re going out on a date! You have to look your absolute best, otherwise you’re going to live down that regret for the rest of your life!”

“An exaggeration,” he remarks. “And to set the record straight, this is hardly the first time I am going out to dinner with someone.”

“Damn right, it's not. But you wouldn't know if you’d actually be dating your soulmate, right? Better make a good impression.”

He wants to argue that he doesn't at all consider it a date. It was a dinner meeting his father set-up, one with the heir of a promising business partner. And still, you frantically run around his room like a madman who is at her wits end. 

He looks at your back fondly.

Here you are, young adults venturing out on new chapters of your life—still going hand in hand, inseparable. You have always been there to keep him grounded. And he, in turn, never fails to guide you back when you seem to stray away. 

"Please get it right this time," he hears you mumble as you finally emerge from his towering closet. "Your dates never seem to work out, for Pete's sake, Sei. I'm starting to think you're the problem here."

"I just do not like being in a hurry."

"Yeah, sure," you reply, completely unconvinced. "But it is weird. You're like the best, ideal guy out there. No one compares to you!"

You stare down at him as he stares back with a painted gaze. Giving up, you sigh and shake your head, shooting him an affectionate smile as you hand him his gray dress shirt.

"Bachelor of the year, they say. I wonder why the hell you're still single," you laugh.

He wonders too. 

And he wonders whether it has anything to do with that saccharine smile of yours.

Taglist: @shakethatsassyass

[kodzuken-chan]

🥀Reckless🥀

Paring: Leon S. Kenndy x Fem.Reader

Genre: Angst/ Hurt/ Song Lyrics based Fic

⚠️Warnings: Mention of Cursing,Slight Anxiety, Breakups, Cheating, Just Hurt, No Comfort.

A/N: I really feel guilty this is my first writing for Leon its based on cheating and breakups, and Leon kinda being a Jerk, I'm Really Sorry Leon bby🥺💕

°

-Btw, I haven't really decided which Leon I should pick for this Story, but you can Imagine either RE2,RE4 or RE Damnation Leon for this.

°

- Tbh, I kinda think this sucks idk why, but please enjoy reading it🫂

°

- This scenario is based on 'Reckless' Song lyrics by Madison Beer, and its totally SFW, no worries. You can listen to Reckless while reading to get the feels👇🏻

<<< Lyrics are marked with 🍃>>>

Summary: You've gone through many heart breaks overcoming them short while after. However, you haven't, and you'll never recover from this specific heart break, it left a scar of emptiness and resentment inside of you that you'll remember forever.

----------------------

🍃Hey, this is a story I hate

And telling it might make me break

But I'll tell it anyway🍃

-

The rain was pouring out of the window as you sat right next to it, Your eyes following the rain drops that slid to the bottom of the glassy window in sync with the tears that slid over your cheeks. The sound of the  piano music playing on your Tv from the Chromecast was echoing in the living room, making a harmonic medley with the rain outside. Three days ago, you lost a battle of fools, a battle that you had no victory opportunity in, although it never felt so bad in the previous few times, however this one for sure left a huge scar in your heart, a scar that will burn your soul everytime you'll recall it.

-

Leon Kennedy was your boyfriend even before the time he went to Raccoon city. You met in the most ordinary way ever, let's just say you once collapsed from exhaustion infront of the coffee shop where he was peacefully viewing the side walk while drinking his coffee. Then after that wholesome incident where he took good care of you, the two of you became close and your relationship established to be more than just regular best friends.

-

Time passed and Leon graduated the police academy, then, he was assigned in your region's police department, however, within few days, he was informed that he got transferred to Raccoon city's department to which he have to leave on the upcoming week. Although you insisted on going with him, since you didn't want to grow apart. However, he refused, worried that something dangerous was going on there, you know, because they called him the other day, informing him to avoid coming to the department for the time being, But still, he went.

-

Of course, Leon never contacted you for almost three days after he reached to Raccoon city, and you grew anxious. However, you found out later from the news that they had to destruct Raccon city with an explosion to avoid the spread of a certain virus, leaving no survivors alive. You went through a mental breakdown at the sudden news thinking you lost the only person you loved forever.

-

Few months later, Leon contacted you to assure you that he's alive, safe and sound, he apologized for taking so long to call you back again, but you didn't care, the fact that he's still alive anywhere in this world, made you cry in relief. He asked for your forgiveness many times, but you kept on telling him that you already did forgive him, however, he continued on apologizing, you never knew for what else he was asking your forgiveness for.

-

Then one day, he asked you to meet up with him at his apartment, he wanted to tell you everything that happened at Raccoon city. Once you reached there, you couldn't help but throw yourself at him, devouring into his lips, wavering all of your overflowing emotions to him. However his eyes looked different, they were filled with guilt and pain, you thought that maybe, he suffered so much throughout Raccon city's incident, that he saw things he didn't want to see, that he lost people he never wanted to lose, you could tell,its just shown all over his icy blue eyes.

-

Ever since he told you everything about the incident, you two went back to normal, he was busy the moment he started working for the DSO and barely came back to his apartment, sometimes you would just drop by to fill his fridge with homemade food, clean his house, and sometimes stay there if he tells you that he's coming back that night. But what annoyed you the most ever since he came back from the incident, is that he won't stop talking about a certain person, a person called Ada Wong even when he talks about work, he unconsciously brings her up into the topic. And from what he told you about her, she seems to be someone he met at Raccoon city and saved his life few times, now she somehow works in the same field as him, and sometimes he mentions meeting her around during his missions.

-

Of course, you were grateful that she saved his life, maybe if it weren't for her, Leon wouldn't have been here, but the way he always looks so happy when he mentions her gives you anxiety and negative thoughts, not to mention that some of your friends saw him coincidentally with another women few times, and your mind couldn't help but think that Ada might be that women they're talking about. Naturally, you just thought that maybe she was his mission partner, or they met coincidentally again or maybe it was just your friends messing around because they're jealous of your great couple chemistry with Leon, you know, since most of them were still single.

-

🍃This chapter's about

How you said there was nobody else🍃

-

Eventually, you started sensing that there is something between Leon and Ada. Despite Leon denying everytime you suspect anything going between them, like calling you back few times lesser than usual, or when he cancelled your dates saying its because of his work. However, he assured you that you're his one and only, and you're the only person he loves. You decided to have faith and believe in his words this time too.

-

🍃Then you got up and went to her house

You guys always left me out🍃

-

But, today he sheared that last string of trust he had between you and him. Just as usual, you prepared some homemade food, and headed straight to his apartment. Once you made it to the building, you approached his apartment when you noticed him coming out of it, you didn't know why you hid behind the wall, but your moved on their own anyways, you stood there overhearing his call.

-

"You know we can't do that in my apartment, I'll just come over to yours" he said smiling before walking to the elevator.

-

You stood there beind the wall, not wanting to make further assumptions, not willing to take your thoughts far away despite what you just overheard. You wanted badly to go back home, to forget what you just heard, to keep the faith and trust you had in your lover. However, your legs immediately moved on their own again, not walking you back to your house, but to where Leon was going.

-

Once the taxi stopped near by after following Leon's Jeep, you watched him getting down of it walking towards a huge residental building, while you carefully followed him. You stood behind the wall again, as he stopped by a certain apartment ringing its door bell. You knew that you'd regret seeing this, but curiosity and doubt were eating you up, you just wanted to make sure that you're not wronging him by your distrust and negative thoughts.

-

However, he severed the last thread of trust he had between you and him. Every dearly emotion you held up for him until now vanished when the apartment door cracked open, revealing no one but the so called women, Ada Wong. Without hesitation and wasting no time, he wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing her closer and devouring into her lips as if he never kissed a woman before, he never even kissed you like that in your relationship, you thought as you watched him disappearing behind the door.

-

You left the homemade food bag you carried in your hand by Ada's doorstep, and silently walked out of the building towards an unknown destination leaving your tears behind, you walked to somewhere were you can be alone with your thoughts and heart.

-

As you walked back, you decided to sleep somewhere else, stoping by a motel, you reserved a room temporary for yourself until you get your thoughts and feelings settled, you didn't want to go back to your apartment knowing for sure that a certain someone will go there to find you. Keeping the room key in your pocket, you walked out heading towards a place that you only knew, a place where you can stay by yourself, a place that even Leon didn't know about.

-

It was small hill viewing the bright lights of the city, you sat there on the wooden bench, putting the headphones on and playing some calm music, to ease your built-up rage and anger. The tears formed, and soon slided over your cold cheeks, as some thoughts circled inside your head.

-

🍃I still have the letter you wrote

When you told me that I was the only girl

You'd ever want in your life

I guess my friends were right🍃

-

You remembered the first letter he sent you after you both started dating, how he flirted with you using chessy love phrases, and how he wrote iconic love messages and quotes at the end of the letter drawing tiny hearts around them. Guess your friends were right after all, they weren't jealous, but you got blinded by love, refusing to accept the harsh reality of him cheating on you with another woman.

-

🍃Each day goes by and each night, I cry

Somebody saw you with her last night

You gave me your word, "Don't worry 'bout her"

You might love her now, but you loved me first🍃

-

You felt betrayed, you wondered as you sat there, for how long you're gonna cry yourself to sleep, how many sleepless night you'll go through to overcome your love for him. You recalled the times when you doubted his relationship with Ada, and he gave you a word of reassurance, to not worry about her, but he ain't a man of words, you wondered how come it hurts alot this time, why you're clenching your fingers over your heart.

-

It is right that you dated few men before Leon and they simply dumped you, sure you felt sad for a while, but it was bareable,those heart breaks never pained the way it pains you now, when you think of him, you realized that you truly loved him, that's why its hurts so much. He might love Ada now, but he loved you first, and that's a fact that will never change.

-

🍃Said you'd never hurt me, but here we are

Oh, you swore on every star

How could you be so reckless with my heart?🍃

-

You remembered that night when he woke you up at the middle of the night, dragging you behind him to his Jeep, and taking you to stargazing by the beach. You were both sitting on the top of it gazing up to the sky as your fingers interlocked, he swore on every start, that you're his only one, and he will never ever hurt you and make you cry in his entire life. But look at you now, he didn't just hurt you, but caused a wound that will leave a scar behind. Silent sobs left your lips, as you blamed Leon for being reckless to your fragile heart. The next morning, Leon got up and was about to head back to his apartment, but once he opened the apartment door, his jaw dropped in shock, at the sight of your food bag placed by the doorstep.

-

"Oh Shit!!" He couldn't help but curse in panic as he ran out looking for you but it was too late.

-

Few weeks passed since the incident, You went back to your apartment a week after, of course your phone was full of missed calls, and text messages from Leon, apologizing and asking you to meet up with him so he can explain himself, but you never once answered. You've always wondered why did he keep asking for your forgiveness when he first called you after Raccoon city's incident, but now you connected the dots and everything became clear to you.

-

After the stressful weeks you've gone through, you decided to go out after a while, to start a new page in your life, you can't keep crying over a man who easily let go of you for another woman. You went to the coffee shop in your neighborhood, that's right its the same coffee shop where you first met Leon, where you collapsed from exhaustion infront of him. However, these are just memories from the past, you've decided to begin a new page without him being a part of it, you liked the coffee and the view here, that's all what matters.

-

The coffee shop's door bell ringing echoed through the place, glancing over it, your eyes met with no one other than Leon's icy ones which stared at you in disbelief and guilt. You can't lie, you heart did skip a beat at his sight, but you didn't give up against your emotions, you simply went back to drinking your coffee, as if you never saw him coming in, and of course he was shocked at your reaction, he was expecting something else, however he wasted no time and immediately approached your table.

-

(Your dialogue part here will include the song lyrics and still highlights in italic, bold and 🍃)

-

"Y/N.... Can we talk?" He called, carefully approaching your table

-

"I don't know who you are, please go on and do what you came here for" you simply replied not even looking at him

-

"Y/N... Please listen to me I-"

-

"I said, I don't know you sir, so please go and get your coffee or whatever you planned to get"

-

"Y/N... Please, I beg you...Please listen to me...I don't want you to forgive me or anything, just listen to me this time...please" he knelt on his knees

-

You looked at him with corner of your eyes, and your heart sank at the sight of his regretful icy eyes.

-

" five minutes, and I'll leave right after it" You said and he sighed in relief as he took a seat infront of you

-

"Look....I know that you're mad at me and you hate me, I totally understand that I'm a big jerk and a bastard for doing this to you, I promised to not hurt you ever, yet I did, you have the right to slap me hit me, scream at me as you please...I'm really sorry for not treasuring you"

-

"you're sorry?🍃You check in and out of my heart like a hotel🍃, You checked in my heart when you were with me, but checked out when you went to her, smiling from ear to ear, and you want me to hear you say you're sorry?" You glared feeling the tears forming

-

"I'm not really sure how things ended like that, or when did it start...its just that I eventually found myself charmed by her, she kept pulling me towards her and she-" He tried to explain himself

-

"....Huh 🍃And she must be perfect, oh well...🍃 Guess I wasn't enough after all" you scoffed in pain

-

" Y/N... Its not like that, you were-"

-

" No... I was nothing to you... my love, feelings meant nothing to you and you proved it...tsk... 🍃I hope you both go to hell🍃" your voiced cracked as you sharply stated

-

"I...I don't know what to say....I-" He said in hesitation

-

You just started at him in disappointment, you loved him, you were ready to do anything for him to see that smile... thinking that he was going through a hard time because of his job, but after all, you weren't his source of comfort. He felt pity for leaving you, that's why he's explaining himself with this nonsense.

-

"🍃I still have the letter you wrote

When you told me that I was the only girl

You'd ever want in your life🍃" you said still glaring at him with your reddish eyes

-

"... You..you kept that with you the whole time...? T-that's amazing....But I really meant every word I wrote in it..I promise" he said scratching his neck in frustration

-

"You just said it....you 'MEANT' it...its past tense, so it doesn't make any difference to me now. when I was told that you were seen with another women that night, I was confident that you weren't such man, but 🍃I guess my friends were right🍃" you stated in disappointment

-

"Is that how you found it out?..." He asked in shock not realizing how careless he was

-

"Is that what matters for you now? Because of you, ever since that night, 🍃 Each day goes by and each night, I cry🍃 Because 🍃Somebody saw you with her last night🍃" You clenched your fingers before his eyes

-

"Well, instead of causing a strife between me and you by telling you about this, shouldn't they prove how good friends they were by stopping me? By telling me that I was wrong?!" He snapped, feeling that your friends are the ones at fault for this

-

"Shut up...you have the audacity to throw the blame on my friends, when they actually opened my eyes on something I didn't realize, what are you? A five years old to not differentiate between right and wrong? You're a grown-up and you have a brain to use in that head of yours, I feel ashamed to even comapre you to a five years old, because they wouldn't have stated a pity excuse like that when they're clearly at fault, you're pathetic...." You said pulling him slightly from his collar

-

"That time.... When🍃You gave me your word, 'Don't worry 'bout her'🍃, I trusted you, however you broke your promise 🍃You might love her now, but you loved me first🍃 that's a fact you can't change" you let out a shaky sigh, leaving his collar sitting back on your chair

-

"... I ...I know that..." He simply said averting your gaze

-

"Remember that time, when we went to stargazing at the middle of the night, you 🍃Said you'd never hurt me, .... but here we are, Oh, you swore on every star🍃" you scoffed, pointing out the number of promises he gave you but broke

-

"...." He remained silent

-

" 🍃How could you be so reckless with my heart?🍃" You smiply asked tears finally falling over your cheeks

-

"Y/N...." He whisper called, his heart suddenly aching at the sight of your tears

-

You got up from your chair wanting to leave, you can't endure this anymore, your feelings are messed up, its seems that despite what he have done, his icy blue eyes still have an effect on you, its as if he's trying to check in your heart again, but he doesn't have enough money to do so, and you don't want to end up forgiving him. Walking to him, he stood immediately, not really sure if he should stop you from leaving or not.

-

" 🍃How could you be so reckless?

How could you be so reckless?

How could you be so reckless with someone's heart?🍃" You said, softly sobbing as you weakly punched his chest, you had no energy left.

-

Leon felt his heart clenching at your sight, deeply inside he knows that he made a huge mistake letting go of you, but it is too late when he realized that how he didn't like to see you cry no matter what reason it was, but now he's the reason for these tears.

-

" 🍃Hey, this is a story I hate

But I told it to cope with the pain

I'm so sorry if you can relate🍃" You tapped on his shoulder, taking your purse and walking out of the coffee shop's door

-

The coffee shop's door bell rang as it was closing behind you, leaving Leon standing there, looking at the ground with his unstoppable tears, and the pain you engraved in his heart. He lost you not just as his girlfriend, but also as his best friend forever.

-

The End

[fentitrbl]

Hi, this is my first story on here, sort of, kind of nervous 😬

Tell Me You Love Me

Jasmine Brooks grew up in a home where love wasn't shown, she struggled throughout her life to love herself, but she never struggled with showing love and affection to those around her. Stumbling around trying to grasp the idea of adulting, she runs into a man at a local bookstore in her new found home of London where she falls way too quickly, way too fast yet again. Along the way she finds out things about the man she would go on to love unconditionally, that would change her perception of true love for the better.

“I don’t regret telling you how much I loved you.”

Word Count: 1,223

TRIGGER WARNING

(The word usage of drugs and borderline verbal abuse, manipulation and emotional neglection will be used)

Jasmine

July 3rd, 2018

Growing up, I never really liked being stuck in a household where the concept of generalized love and affection was swept under the rug. Seeing my parents interact caused us to behave, think and believe the way we did about love.

My stepdad wasn't exactly the nicest person to be around, the yelling and uncontrollable outbursts of anger that came from him made our household frozen with emotions. Anytime we tried to speak out against him, we were seen as disrespectful or in his eyes not worth his time. In other words, My brothers and I were worthless to him if we didn't cave into his dictatorship.

My mom on the other hand stayed quiet anytime there was conflict or tension, she of course would cave into his manipulation and would allow us to be belittled. I felt as though she too was afraid to speak out against him for fear of what outburst might occur. Now, I won't say there aren't times when we have fun and all get along. Of course, there were times when graduations, birthdays, and celebrations came around where the affection was made.

It seemed like the times of despair were greater than the times of happiness in our house when it came to emotional, and physical love and affection.

Sometimes, as children, all we ever wanted was for our parents to sit with us and comfort us when things went haywire, and support us when we were making decisions for ourselves. Not only that but we longed for a real lifetime movie family relationship but because our parents are so strict and headstrong the lovey-dovey stuff was the least of their concerns.

Thankfully, I taught myself the importance of love and educating myself on ways to self-love and love others. At least I think I understand the importance of love.

See at the age of 22 I still struggle with the concept. I have only ever had two relationships, one that I fell in too quickly and had the worst breakup of my life and the other was the healthiest relationship I had been in despite the drugs and borderline toxicity that he had going on in his own life. I unfortunately am a hopeless romantic and fall in love so fast I never see it coming until the flags start to raise.

Of course, I think we all want to find that someone but I have learned that it will take time and patience. Until then, I have decided to pack up my belongings from my family household and move away to another country where I now am a part-time nursing assistant in London.

I originally got the job by signing up online but for some reason since I'm a "foreigner" the process to get in was 10 times harder. Though I am grateful for the job, it has provided me with my now safe place which I call home.

I will say this has been the most alleviating move for me. Yes, I miss my brothers and my mom but I think this move was necessary to start a new life somewhere I had never been before, and somewhere to get away from the toxicity of my family that I want to leave behind.

London has been a breeze, the culture shock has hit me like a bus but I feel like it was worth it. Being here has made me feel so free and so careless about little things that used to bother me. Everyone and everything here has made my experience living here worth every penny, I am almost starting to feel like this is a forever home for m-

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ

I snapped my neck up towards the buzzer near the door to my flat as it sounded off in the kitchen. Rubbing my neck in the area I abruptly snapped it in, I start to put my journal and pen down as I walk towards the buzzer confirm button after getting a notification on my phone that my food for dinner had arrived downstairs.

I've been ordering takeout because truly it's all I care for since I work long hours during the week. It was my Friday and I deserved a break from chicken and broccoli meal preps it was beginning to be too healthy for me.

As the food delivery was brought to my door I thanked the man and tipped him before closing my door and walking straight back to my seat on the couch to enjoy this takeout burger and fries that was dripping in grease. Watching some British sitcom, right as I bit into my burger I get a notification.

Text from: Lily

soooo are you down to go to this little cute cat-themed bookstore tomorrow? I really want to find a new romance book to lust over since the last book I read was literally a sob fest and not fun to read at all.. u don't have a choice I am picking you up tomorrow morning and we are going. Maybe we can find you a cute bookstore guy who wears totes and bucket hats like you. ;)

I chew up my food and wipe my hands with a clean napkin before replying, Lily is one of my best friends that I actually met through my job here in London. Without her, I would be lost and wouldn't even have the job I have today if I hadn't met her at the bus stop when I first got here.

Me: hell yeah I am down, I need some new books anyway, the last sci-fi romance book I got was pretty bad considering the characters were literally made from a lab???. I will have you know, I am refraining from cute, intelligent bookstore guys because we all know how I like a guy who can not only dress but reads.*

I get a response almost immediately after putting my phone down

Text from: Lily

I know how much you like those guys that's why tomorrow's mission isn't just to find books silly. I'll see you tomorrow pumpkin

I laugh lightly as I heart her message before I finish up my dinner and head into the bathroom for a warm bath before winding down for the night. After I get dressed in my pajamas and make sure my doors and windows are locked, I climb into my cold bed, finally resting my head on my extra firm pillow excited to start my weekend at an unknown cat bookstore that my friend is dying to take me to.

WHEW.. a journal entry?! I have never done that before but it was exciting to do. next update Jasmine and Lily are going to the bookstore... I wonder what they are going to find. Better yet who they are going to find?

STAY TUNED

I know she is short but its 9pm and I am sleepy LOL

Love u

Comment, Like & Share

[onlyswan]

hi art! if it's okay I want to ask you something, because this year, I've been meeting friends that are also ending abruptly and not in good terms. I've lost many friendships before (the two are caused by their relationship problems that I just didn't want to support) when I was in senior high, I am in this friend trio where in one of us left and made another friend group while my other friend has her own friend group too and I felt so out of place bc I don't have that, and now another friend of mine at the moment has been ignoring me bc of unknown reasons, it feels like I'm the only one reaching out for her. I'm the kind of person that is friends with everybody, one might say. now it makes me think that maybe there is something with me or how I treat people bc what do u mean I've lost 4 friendships in a span of a year :(((. i mean, i understand that some friendships are just fleeting feelings and it comes and go but why do mine ends abruptly and sometimes it seems like they just changed? I've been mourning for months bc of my childhood friend cutting me off from all of their social media without me knowing what did I do wrong and now someone's doing it to me again and it hurts so much. I just keep being left behind and I wanna be a better person and a better friend so I wouldn't be abandoned anymore. Have you felt like this? If so, how do you handle friendship breakups and the haunting feeling of isolation or being left behind? and I wanna know what do u think makes a good friend?

I'm sorry for putting all of these here. I just really really want to know your opinions on these and maybe share my situation if ever someone have also experienced this. And your blog is a safe space of mine!!!! Thank you, Art!!!!!!!

hi anonie :( i’m sending you an endless supply of warm hugs 🫂🫂🫂

of course i’ve lost some friends myself, mostly because we just naturally fell out of touch or we have changed, and those changes weakened the special connection we had. and that’s okay. i’ve learned to accept that. when you also perceive the changes in yourself throughout the time that’s passed you’ll realize that you actually need to be around different people when you’re in a different place in your life, sometimes that could mean cutting someone off. personally, it’s been painful having experienced both sides of it. but i have two best friends i’ve known for 13 years, and a very dear one for 6. i find consolation in knowing that i will always have them even if i lose a hundred other friends. sometimes i get scared that i’ll lose them too.

and i’ve realized over time that what makes our friendship strong is that we know each other so well. and because of that, we are kind, loving, and compassionate with each other. i think vulnerability isn’t necessarily sharing your whole life story, it’s just being transparent with how you feel <3 don’t be afraid of telling them how much you cherish them (after you have a great day of hanging out say thank you, i love you, let’s do this again, let’s do this other thing again next / reach out to them, say what happened, do you want to talk about it, what can i do to help, i’m sorry, i miss you, how are you, or share a story or a memory). don’t be afraid to tell them when they hurt your feelings too !! and how they can treat you more gently bcs if they care, they will learn. and if you care, you will give them the chance to do so. and vice versa !! that is how you grow together and know each other better 🩵 in friendships, i think that’s where effort really goes in.

heh i don’t know if i was much help 🥺 but the fact that you want to be a better person and a better friend is already a start and a big step!! however i hope you remember to value yourself and your energy too, and that you can always make new friends!! ily 🫂🩵

[mikauzoran]

Just now realizing that your Lukadrien tag goes back WAY further than I knew about... XD Yay! I love reading your works, so I honestly couldn’t be happier about this. :)

Why, yes. ^w^ I started writing Lukadrien in 2019, so there are a lot of stories to read. I'm so glad you're excited! Thanks for the Ask.

Here are all of my Lukadrien works on AO3.

I would like to take the time to recommend the below. Phantasmagoria and Études are probably my favourites.

Multichapter Stories:

Phantasmagoria - Luka runs into Adrien on the anniversary of his mother’s disappearance in a bar where Luka’s band is playing, and Luka takes it upon himself to make sure Adrien gets home safe. This proves harder than expected when Adrien ends up spending the night on the Liberty. Luka struggles to take care of Adrien without taking advantage. Adrien makes this more difficult with his lack of personal boundaries and propensity to flirt. Secrets are shared, brutally honest conversations are held, and the two grow closer through shared pain and love of music.

Études: Fifty Lukadrien Kisses - Heated, quick, passionate, slow, sorrowful, comforting, joyful, teasing, tentative, angry...fifty times Luka and Adrien kiss in fifty different ways. A series of drabbles taking place throughout the course of Adrien and Luka's relationship. From uncertain beginnings to marital bliss, tough times and times of celebration, from friendship to love, fifty snapshots of fifty Lukadrien kisses.

Your Hands Hold Home - As Adrien attempts to build a life for himself on his own terms, he finds himself falling hard and fast for his new roommate. Meanwhile, Luka tries to be a good, supportive friend while fighting a losing battle against his feelings for Adrien. Misunderstandings, mutual pining, fluff, and soft moments abound.

Among the Wild Things - Prince Adrien has always felt stifled and controlled, never free to be himself. Everything changes when he goes to the enchanted woods to escape his life and his problems and falls in love with a shape-shifting river spirit.

Zebras Can't Change Their Stripes - After four years, Adrien is back in Paris, broke, and ready to try to reconnect with friends and get his life back on track. Meanwhile, Luka is going through a breakup and struggling not to be a total wreck. They’ve grown and changed, but they’re still the same people underneath it all. As they try to pick up where they left off, they support one another, and their friendship slowly grows into something more.

One-Shots:

Private Party - Luka has always admired the seemingly unattainable Adrien in secret, but when Luka runs into Adrien feeling displaced and alone at his class’s graduation party, the walls between them come down, and Luka learns that he’s not the only one who’s been pining.

Better Than Expected - Things Luka did not anticipate happening today: jumping into the Seine, having his underwear choices critiqued by his crush, teaching Adrien to do laundry, and having his wildest dreams come true. In which Adrien shows off his skills at basketball to his own detriment and masters the art of laundry-fu as well as tonsil hockey.

For the Fairest - A bottle of love letters marked “For the Fairest” left by a secret admirer throws the inhabitants of the Liberty for a loop. Luka can’t help hoping that they come from a certain blonde.

Finding the Silver Lining -

Luka growled softly, his head tipping back so he could stare up at the ceiling in his frustration. “Adrien, I don’t know how to be any more explicit with you. …You know how sometimes two people decide they like each other and want to kiss and get married and have babies?”

Adrien’s head tipped to the side. “Yeeees?” He stretched out the vowel, sounding completely uncertain of where Luka was going with this.

“That.” Luka sighed, lowering his gaze to meet Adrien’s. “At the risk of completely ruining our friendship, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Because it breaks my heart that you think no one’s ever going to love you when I’m right here, utterly adoring you.”

When Adrien’s feeling down on his luck, Luka is there to remind him how much he’s loved.

Tights and Tea Lattes -

Adrien hesitated, his stomach twisting up in a panic at the thought of the challenging lift that came next in the dance.

“We don’t have to do this if you’re not comfortable,” Luka reminded.

Determination set into Adrien’s eyes once more, and he gripped Luka’s hand.

“I can do this….” Adrien’s face softened into a warm smile. “Besides, you won’t let me fall.”

“If I did, I’d go down with you to soften the landing. I don’t let my partner get hurt,” Luka assured. “Especially not you.”

Adrien has always preferred the freedom of dancing solos over the drudgery of working with a partner. When he dances a pas de deux with Luka, however, he learns how exhilarating a partnership can be. Luka might just win him over yet.

[yojanapellegrin]

Tras una ruptura tormentosa tome la decisión de viajar al otro lado del mundo a querer empezar de cero ha sido totalmente una aventura día a día todo lo que vengo pasando y si entiendo aveces despierto nostálgica sin saber qué rumbo tendré o que hacer vivimos en un mundo en donde todos esperan siempre algo de nosotros pero ni nosotros mismos sabemos que haremos no sé si por temor o miedo a decepcionar a las personas solo nos toca vivir el día a día

A lo largo de mis 25 año tras año entendí que la vida no es fácil es como subir un edificio de cien pisos crees que no podrás pero luego empiezas a subir escalón por escalón llegará un momento en donde te encuentres muy agotado y quizás necesites descansar un poco pero sin darte cuenta un día voltéelas y dirás todo eso subí sola ? Sin ayuda ? Si claro que si eres capaz de hacer muchas cosas por si sola sin ayuda de nadie, tienes la capacidad de hacerlo solo es cuestión que confíes en ti mismo y que nadie te diga que no eres capaz

After a stormy breakup, I made the decision to travel to the other side of the world to want to start from scratch. Everything that I have been going through has been totally an adventure every day and if I understand, sometimes I wake up nostalgic without knowing what direction I will have or what to do. We live in a world where everyone always expects something from us but we don't even know what we will do I don't know if it's fear or fear of disappointing people we just have to live day by day

Throughout my 25 years, year after year, I understood that life is not easy, it is like climbing a hundred-story building, you think you will not be able to, but then you start climbing step by step, there will come a time when you are very exhausted and perhaps you need to rest for a while. little but without realizing it one day turn them over and you will say all that I went up alone? Without help? Yes, of course, if you are capable of doing many things by yourself without the help of anyone, you have the ability to do it, it is only a matter of trusting yourself and that no one tells you that you are not capable.

[theinexperiencedloveexpert]

Learn to Love Better

My knowledge of healthy relationships also extends due to the fact that I am a student ambassador for the One Love Foundation, not just from books and music.  This foundation educates young people about healthy and unhealthy relationships to help them learn how to avoid abuse and love better.  Othello needed to learn to love and treat Desdemona better.  She pleaded for his attention when she wanted to explain herself.  Her own husband believed someone over her and did not allow for any communication.  Their trust was no longer where it was at the beginning of their relationship.  

One of the “10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship” by One Love, is guilting. Othello makes Desdemona feel guilty for cheating on him with Cassio, even though Desdemona begs for him to listen to her.  This then led to a lack of communication. Trust and honesty are listed as two of the “10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship” by One Love. To have good communication, you have to trust your partner and speak honestly.  Desdemona trusted Othello and wanted to speak her truth.  On the other hand, Othello did not allow her to speak to him because he felt she was lying due to a lack of trust.  

It is not just Desdemona and Othello who go through issues with their communication.  Many characters in many books have this issue as well.  Sally Rooney is very good at writing books with characters who do not know how to communicate and shows how this takes a toll on the character’s relationships. One example of this is in her book Normal People. The two main characters Marianne and Connell have trouble communicating throughout the entire book.  They never express their true feelings about the other person through the course of their lives together.  This leads to fights and breakups, many times over.  You can tell that these two people love each other but they can not figure out how to be together due to their terrible communication skills.  Another Rooney book, Conversations With Friends, the characters go through the same thing, romantically and platonically.  The characters Nick and Frances are very tortured people on the inside.  Nick is depressed and Frances harms herself.  This is a factor that leads to them not communicating well.  They both have walls built around themselves that they do not allow the other to break through.  Their affair lasts only temporarily.  It is not until the end when Nick accidentally calls Frances that they finally talk to each other and end up meeting back up to be together again. Othello and Desdemona could have ended up happy together if Othello had just listened to Desdemona the way Nick and Frances finally do at the end of their story.

One very popular song lyric about miscommunication is, “Maybe we got lost in translation/maybe I asked for too much” (All Too Well Taylor’s Version, Taylor Swift).  Without actually saying it, Taylor wonders if the reason for the failure in her relationship was a lack of communication or even her own fault because she wanted more out of the relationship than her partner.  She never finds out this answer because it was never communicated. Desdemona could not process why Othello wanted her dead, fully, before he killed her the same way Taylor never understood why a past relationship of hers ended.

Not all relationships that have bad communication in pop culture have been failures.  For example, in the book The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid, the main character Evelyn and the love of her life, Celia, go through many rough patches.  Right before they break up during their fight, this is said, “’You slept with him?’ she said. ‘I thought that was implied,’ I said. ‘Well, it wasn’t’” (195).  Without spoiling anything, Celia felt out of the loop when it came to a plan that affected both of their lives so much so that it drove them apart.  Celia left after this fight and never saw Evelyn again. That was until Evelyn found Celia years later and fought for them to finally be together and let them live their lives and relationship out happily.  Both Evelyn and Celia grew over their time apart and realized they needed each other and did whatever it took to be together.  Not all miscommunications lead to the end. 

The sad part of this is that this is not just some made up story Shakespeare wrote hundreds of years ago. This happens to people everyday in relationships that mirror Othello and Desdemona’s.  We do not live in a society anymore like in Othello, obviously, but abuse in relationships has not gone away with these Elizabethan era dresses.  

[indigogirled]

I adore HS1 and I listen to it all the time, and it makes me a bit sad that Harry went from using the metaphor of ‘Sweet Creature’ and the lyrics in FTDT and SOTT to then go to Fine Line and have him using watermelon as a metaphor for oral sex and hearing the same lyric 5 times over??? like out of Fine Line I only listen to Lights Up, She and Fine Line like consistently because it’s just like HS1 is kinda back

this is my HILL and i’m so glad u brought it up!

[cursedsunoo]

Hi! I've been stalking (hope that doesn't sound creepy) you're blog for a while and was wondering if you can do a Enhypen reaction to you getting married to another guy/girl after he broke up with you years ago after his debut (all of them have age up for 5 years if it's ok) and enha is invited to their ex's wedding?

% . . . ENHYPEN’S REACTION TO THEIR S/O MOVING ON + THEM RECEIVING AN INVITATION TO YOUR WEDDING YEARS LATER

#WARNINGS — angst, break-up

#PRONOUNS — they/them

% . . . HEESEUNG

heeseung had taken the break up hard, but had tried his hardest to remain neutral throughout it — he knows that even the most perfect things come to an end sometimes, and unfortunately, the two of you were one of those things

receiving the invite from you and your new partner would hurt his heart more than he'd like to admit, but he would inevitably try and view this as his way of keeping in contact with you — he would much rather have you in his life as a friend, then not having you in his life at all

% . . . JAY

the initial breakup didn't phase jay all that much since somewhere in his mind he had thought that everything would blow over and him and you would make up — but when he had returned to the dorm and found all of your belongings gone, he had realized his mistake with his nonchalant attitude

jay's heart hurt even more than it did five years earlier seeing your name written in that beautiful text next to someone else's name that wasn't his — he wouldn't be able to bring himself to go to the wedding since he didn't know if his heart could handle seeing you happy with someone new when he had never let you go

% . . . JAKE

while jake tried to let the whole relationship go when the two of you broke up, it had hit him a lot harder afterward than he realized — no matter how many dates he went on, he couldn't stop thinking about you

getting the invitation was both a blessing and a curse — while it hurt beyond belief to see that you moved on from him, it also gave him the push to get over you (he knew that once you married, there was no way he could win you back)

% . . . SUNGHOON

him and you had agreed to split, so he hadn't taken it that hard — of course, he missed all of the times where he could hold you and call you his own, but he never through about the two of you ending too much

that was until the invitation — did he accept it? yes. sunghoon wants to know that you're doing fine and in all honesty, he wants you in his life, even if it's strictly platonic (he wants some sort of similarity to back when the two of you were together)

% . . . SUNOO

sunoo and you, much like sunghoon, had ended on somewhat good terms, and had kept in contact — while he did want the relationship to continue, who was he to hold you back when you found love elsewhere

he would have been one of the first people to find out about the wedding, and honestly, sunoo was happier than he was sad — seeing you smile is his favourite sight in the world, and again, who was he to deprive you of your happiness that you absolutely deserved

% . . . JUNGWON

he would keep in contact no matter how the breakup ended — his love for you would still always be there, even if you no longer shared the same feelings. be it through messaging, Instagram, or snapchat stories, jungwon would always worry for your happiness

when he had gotten the invitation, he couldn't even express an emotion — it was far too long ago for him to be upset, and it was beyond himself to be mad, jungwon was just simply... there. he showed up, he talked to you, and he wished you and your spouse a happy and healthy marriage

% . . . NI-KI

he's passive-aggressive at the start — somewhere deep down in him, ni-ki still thinks he has a chance afterward, but his brain somehow doesn't click when his friends tell him "sooner rather than later"

ni-ki truly didn't understand what the people around him warned him about — but seeing you with someone else as you look absolutely breathtaking at the front of the reception made him realize that in that very moment, he truly didn't have time to a chance to win you back

TAGLIST — open

@fiantomartell // @wonderwrench // @ddeonubaby // @minspalette // @msxflower // @gimmethatcoffee // @hoonbrry // @squiishymeow // @bubblejunnies // @jakehugger // @blaqpinksthetic // @minhyukmyluv // @enhacolor // @icywhatim // @missmorosis // @norboko // @abdiitcryy // @ddeonuluvs // @genderlessflower // @ilandsghost // @jwisungzen // @rinyx // @chewychubchuu //@heelariously // @clarakyunisageek // @odetoyeonjun

© cursedsunoo — all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, or repost my work without my explicit permission

[wandaromanova]

Can u do a fic where fem!reader and Nat are broken up and they’re pretty hostile with each other but when one of them gets hurt on a mission they realize they’re still in love and get back together thank u if u write this :)))))))

I Love You

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: cussing, violence, that’s it i believe

A/N: hi! i hit 300 followers! i posted my very first story 3 weeks ago and only had like 10 followers then. i can’t even begin to express how grateful i am that i’ve been able to bring people joy (or pain lol) with my stories. thank you. not proofread. <3

Summary: Ex-lovers Natasha and Y/N dance around their feelings for each other. They decide that hostility was the best course of action.

Word Count: 2.5K

(gif is not mine)

You and Natasha dated for a year and a half before you guys decided to call it quits. It was a mutual agreement, but there was still some sort of bad blood between the both of you that was painfully obvious. The tension could be cut with a knife.

You guys were going great at first. You both understood each other on a level that no one else could. You would do typical couple things in order to compensate for the lack of stability and domesticity you’ve both had in your lives. Movie nights, designated date nights, cuddle sessions in the late hours of the night, and literally every other cliche there was in the book.

However, you and Natasha were both raised in similar environments. From young ages, you guys were trained to conceal your true emotions and that love was for children. So, communicating with one another was something that the both of you didn’t know how to do.

You didn’t try to communicate and neither did she; and there lied the problem. Natasha would absolutely freak on you if you so much as looked at another person. You would get upset if Natasha went on a mission without informing you first. There were so many pointless arguments that occurred between you and Natasha. Arguments that could’ve been avoided or solved if you guys were able to just talk to each other.

You would say that you guys did talk… just in a higher volume than normal conversation. The yelling between you both could be heard throughout the compound. Most times, you would get so fed up and tired from the arguing, that you didn’t even know why you guys were fighting anymore. It wasn’t healthy and you knew it.

You and Natasha never once told each other the big three words. That was a line neither of you dared to cross. Like the Red Room and The Academy taught you both, love was a weakness and was nothing more than a concept believed by children. You’d like to think that actions spoke louder than words, though.

You could feel the love between you both in the way you would hold onto one another after a mission had gone wrong. You could feel it in the way Natasha worried and panicked when you’d come back from a mission with so much as a scratch above your eyebrow. However, you still could not bring yourself to tell her how you felt. Not that it would matter now, considering you guys had broken up.

It’s been five months since the breakup, and at first your plan of action was to be civil with your ex-girlfriend, but she had other plans. Natasha would bark out snarky remarks whenever you would speak up during team meetings. She began to give you cold glares whenever you walked into a room. God forbid you would even breathe in her direction, she would storm out of a room at the speed of light if you did so.

So, you began to act the same way she was. Okay, yes, it was extremely childish thinking. You should be mature, regardless of how Natasha was treating you, but you couldn’t be civil anymore. So you would treat her just as harshly as she did you. You’d send her sharper glares than she would give you. You’d never listen to anything she had to add during mission meetings, being sure to make it obvious you weren’t paying attention. And you would always counter her hostile comments that were directed towards you.

The team was currently sat in a meeting. You and Natasha were meant to be sent on a mission together, to which you both immediately objected.

“Steve, do I really have to go with that over there? I’d rather go myself and risk dying than go with her.” Natasha pointed in your direction and you were immediately offended by her statement.

“No, I would rather go and die than have to hear one more word out of your god damn mouth. You’re such a bitch.” You spoke as you stood up from your seat, Natasha following suit. Natasha walked across the room and stopped in front of you. She harshly shoved a finger against your chest.

“What the fuck did you just call me? You better take it back before I make sure you never talk again.” Natasha glared at you intensely as she stared into your eyes. You returned her stare with a bored expression on your face.

“I said you’re a bitch. What are you going to do about it, Widow?” You asked her challengingly. Natasha moved to pounce on you, but Bucky, who was sitting next to your spot, sprung in and intervened.

“Let her go Barnes. I’d love to kick her ass.” You smirked as your words only enraged Natasha more. She struggled against Bucky’s grip, trying to free herself so she could pound your face into the floor, but she couldn’t break free.

“Okay! Enough. Natasha, you’re off the mission. Y/N, you’re with me. We leave in 10.” Steve spoke with conviction in his voice, fed up with the pair of you. Natasha stopped resisting Bucky’s hold as he slowly let her go. You looked at her with one harsh glare before you took the mission file that was on the table and walked out of the room. As you left, everyone in the room stared at Natasha. She huffed and stormed out of the room as well.

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧─────────❅•

You and Steve were currently staked out in a van. You guys were spying on one of the leaders of Hydra and an infamous weapons dealer. The man was currently having a lunch with the dealer. You had been sitting there together for about an hour. You were bored out of your mind and pissed that you couldn’t get Natasha out of your mind. You wanted to punch yourself in the face for thinking about how hot she looked when she pissed. The way her eyes would widen, showing off more of her green irises as her eyebrows furrowed together in anger. The way her chest rose and fell as she took deep breaths. God, she had such nice boobs.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Fury’s voice coming in through comms. “Okay, we evacuated civilians off of the sidewalk in front of the restaurant. Remember, wait until they’re in front of the alley before you attack. They may have weapons.” Fury informed you both and you looked onto the monitor to confirm the empty street. Sure enough, there wasn’t a civilian in sight; good.

Steve replied with a quick “okay” before movement from the door of the restaurant caught your attention. “Steve, there they are. Move out, now.” You spoke as you loaded your gun and attached it to your hip. You and Steve jumped out of the van. Steve threw his shield and hit both of the men with it. His shield came back to him as if ricocheted off of the men.

Your gun was pointed at the both of them as you guys approached them. “Meeting in broad daylight? Doesn’t seem like a smart move for two supposedly genius people.” You spoke as Steve searched the two men for any weapons. They didn’t have any. That should’ve been a red flag, but you weren’t in the right state of mind right now.

Suddenly, another van pulled up in front of the alleyway, right behind the vehicle you both had just exited. Hydra Agents with semi-automatic guns filed out of the van. Fuck. You guys were set up. Steve shared a look with you before he threw his shield toward the men and knocked the guns out of a few of the agent’s hands.

You began to fire towards the men with your own gun. You shot them in the shoulders, sending them flying to the ground in pain. You and Steve made quick work of the men and soon enough, there were unconscious men littered across the floor.

You and Steve turned back to the two men you had previously captured as they laid on the floor in shock. They really thought their little stunt would work? Pathetic. Unfortunately, one of the Hydra agents was still conscious. You and Steve failed to notice the movement behind your backs. The man pointed a nearby gun at you and fired 5 shots at you. He missed three of them, but managed to land two into your abdomen.

You fell to the ground as Steve whipped around and actually knocked the man unconscious this time. “Fury, we need backup! L/N is down!” He spoke frantically into comms as he applied pressure to your wounds. Your eyes were open in shock as you tried to process what just happened. You were shot. It really did hurt like a bitch. What are those black spots? God, I want Natasha right now. Wait, what? No, it’s just the blood loss talking.

You fell unconscious as soon as the backup S.H.I.E.L.D agents appeared on the scene. You were rushed back to the Avengers Compound in one of S.H.I.E.L.D’s vehicles, Steve following you after ensuring the two men were detained. As soon as the car made it to the compound, your unconscious body was placed onto a gurney and you were being rushed to the medical wing.

As your body was being rolled through the halls of the compound, you were pushed by the doctors past Natasha. She did a double take and quickly turned around to confirm what she had just saw. Her heart sunk to her stomach at the sight of your limp, blood-covered body. She ran after you without a second thought, fear and dread taking over.

Natasha tried to enter the medical wing where they had just taken you, but she was stopped by a strong hand abruptly placing itself onto her shoulder. “Nat, we need to let them take care of her. We’d only be disturbing them and we need their focus to 100% be on Y/N.” Steve said in an attempt to convince the redhead to stop her plan of barging into the room like a madwoman. Natasha took one last glance at the door before she heavily sighed and walked to the wall across the door. She slid her back slowly against the wall and placed her head in her hands.

“What happened, Rogers?” Natasha asked, afraid of hearing the answer. Steve went over the events of the mission, and all Natasha could think was that she should’ve been there with you. She would’ve jumped in front of that bullet to save you in a heartbeat because she loved you. Wait. She loved you? Holy fuck! She loved you!

Natasha’s heart rate increased rapidly at her self revelation. She has loved you this entire time. God, she was so fucking blind. How could she not see what was right in front of her? She was madly in love with you. She let the things the Red Room drilled into her affect your relationship. Now, she wasn’t sure if she’d have the opportunity to make it up to you. That thought scared Natasha more than any mission ever could.

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧─────────❅•

1 hour later

An hour later, and the entire team was sprawled across the hallway of the medical wing. Wanda sat beside Natasha on the floor, comfortingly holding her hand. The rest of the team just stood, anxiously and impatiently waiting to hear about your status.

At the sound of the medical bay door opening, Natasha shot up from her spot on the floor and looked towards Helen Cho. “What’s her status? Is she okay? Did she make it?” Natasha immediately fired off questions at the Doctor. The team stood firmly behind Natasha as they looked at Dr. Cho, their eyes asking her the same questions Natasha did.

“She coded on the table a few times. The bullets hit some major arteries, but we managed to stop the bleeding. If she had arrived even a minute later than she did, she wouldn’t have made it.” The relief of the good news radiated off of earth’s mightiest heroes. Natasha almost let tears escape her eyes, but quickly blinked them back.

“Can I see her?” Natasha asked desperately. “Yes you can, but shes still asleep. The anesthesia was very strong so she’ll be out for a few more hours.” Helen spoke as she opened the door for Natasha. She entered and let out a sigh of relief as she caught sight of your chest rising and falling steadily. Natasha grabbed a nearby chair and placed it right beside your bed. She lightly stroked your hair before she gripped your hand.

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧─────────❅•

3 hours later

You groaned as you slowly open your eyes and were met with an obnoxiously bright light hovering over you. You heard some shuffling before the light was shut off. You turned your head towards the other person in the room and you rolled your eyes at who it was.

“If you’re here to be an asshole, please leave. I’m not in the mood for it.” You spoke as you watched Natasha sit back down in the chair next to your bed.

“I’m not here for that. I wanted to apologize, Y/N. You were right, I was a bitch. You didn’t deserve the way I treated you, but I was just afraid.” Natasha began to speak as she seemingly appeared nervous. You’ve never seen her nervous before, you’re pretty sure no one ever has.

“I was so terrified because I love you. Everyone I love ends up leaving me, and I couldn’t watch you leave me. So, I thought it was best if I beat you to the punch.” Natasha looked down to her lap and played with her fingers absentmindedly. Your eyes widened as far as they could go at Natasha’s words. She loved you. She actually, verbally said it. That’s a huge fucking deal.

“I know my logic may not make the best sense, but what does make sense is the fact that I love you. I always have and I was just too stupid to tell you. I’m sorry, I love you so much.” Natasha spoke as she tore her gaze from her hands and up to your eyes.

You reached your hand out for hers and she shakily took your hand in hers. You almost let out a gasp at the contact, you missed her touch so much. “I won’t ever leave you, Natasha because I love you too. I’m sorry too. I was just as afraid as you were. We were both stupid.” You let out a little laugh at your last words. Natasha let out a chuckle as a tear fell from her eyes. Oh god, you’ve never seen her cry either.

“You scared me. I thought you weren’t going to make it. When I saw your body being wheeled down here…. all the blood… I-“ Natasha words were cut off as you smashed your lips against hers. You winced as the pain from your gunshot wounds radiated across your body, but you couldn’t care less about that right now. The only thing that mattered in this moment was that the woman you loved, loved you too. You’d never be afraid to express your love for her ever again.

───────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────────

join my taglist!

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[mountswhore]

𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐲 — mason mount

summary: you were getting tired of listening to mason’s problems with his girlfriend, so you plan on confronting him. until he shows up at your door.

notes: requests are open! btw i know i use the same job in a lot of these, it just makes them meeting easier.

“She doesn’t compare to you. No one does.” + “I’ll take the couch.” + “It’s us against the world.”

for @mountswdw

It was tiring, far beyond that, actually. Hearing the same leave his mouth words over and over, the same look on his face, it enervated you. You were exhausted with having Mason appear at your door at stupid o’clock, venting to you about his ‘girlfriend’ and their issues, and all you could do was listen. You’d tried giving him advice the first few times, but he never took it. You don’t even think he took it into consideration. and girlfriend was entirely the wrong word to use, they were more friends with benefits. That’s how she saw their relationship anyway. It was exceptionally worse, because you liked him so much. You wanted to scream in his face and tell him she’s pushing him around, but you couldn’t, it would ruin your friendship.

Mason was sat opposite you, pulling you out of sleep, just to talk to you about her. It felt as if he knew you liked him, and decided to torture you by giving you the inside scoop into their time-bomb of a relationship. You were curled up on the sofa, blanket still wrapped around you as you tried to cling onto your sleep, barely listening to him whine about how his girlfriend seemed like she didn’t care anymore. Your eyelids were so close to shutting again, but you managed to keep them open for Mason. As much as his girlfriend angered you, Mason was your friend and you had to be there for him. You wanted to.

“I think I might call it quits,” Mason sighed softly, eyes finally meeting yours after twenty minutes of squeezing them shut in anger, “I’m gonna do it.” He psyched himself up for it, attempting to steady his breathing. You were surprised the first time he said this, thinking you’d actually gotten through to him. But two days later, his Instagram story was filled with pictures of them both on a nice date. It ruined your Friday night in.

“Okay, Mase.” You whispered, standing up from your seat on the couch. You’d been sat there for so long that your exposed skin was now cold again, creating a strip of goosebumps that lined your side and legs. “You can stay here, if you want. You know where the spare bedding is.” It felt like a script at this point, repeating the same things to him as he found solace in you after an argument with his girlfriend.

“Yeah,” Mason conceded, watching with an achy heart as you shifted towards your stairs, “goodnight, Y/N.” Hearing him say your name never failed to give you butterflies, no matter how tired you were of hearing his complaints.

“Night, Mase.” Was all you said back as you reached your room, diving back into the now-cold sheets. Mason had set up his usual makeshift bed in the living room, your couch was actually comfier than most. That’s why he never hesitated to sleep on it. But his night was anything but full of sleep, despite the argument being fresh on his mind still, he was thinking about you.

Your friendship was different now than it was before. Before his girlfriend. You’d met when you were a trainee-massage therapist. Chelsea’s massage therapist had been kind enough to let you shadow him for a week, showing you the ins-and-outs of what his job was like. And you’d made friends with a few of the Chelsea boys, but ultimately caught Mason’s eye. Soon enough, you’d been offered a job alongside this massage therapist and here you were. Friendly flirting with Mason during work hours and after. Nothing came of it, you both saw it as flirty banter, and were good friends. Until his girlfriend came around.

Mason told himself he valued his friendship with you over potentially pushing it further, so tried to get over you. With Ella. Ella seemed sweet to begin with, but when Mason started coming to you for comfort, that’s when you saw how terrible their relationship was. She’d seen it differently to Mason, who felt it was more romantic than sexual. To say it stung to hear about his sexcapades with Ella, was an understatement. That’s when you began to grow tired of it, hearing about them constantly. It was the only time you’d talk really, apart from when you were having a session with him at work.

Laying there for two hours, putting himself in your shoes, it had all come together for him. He was cursing himself as he’d walked up the stairs, to give you more than just a fraction of the attention you’d gotten so used to. He’d imagined only seeing you when you complained about a boy you’d been seeing, and it dampened his mood. But thinking about you seeing another boy, that’s what made his feet move rapidly to your room. Knowing what he’d put you through for the past few months, it made him mad at himself. He’d never let someone treat him like this, so why should he treat his closest friend like this?

“Y/N,” you heard from behind you, startling you as you looked around in the dark, “are you awake?” Matching the voice to Mason’s, it calmed you down a bit. It wasn’t just a random intruder who knew your name and was considerate enough to let you know they’d broken in. “Y/N,” he repeated, his finger tracing down the arch of your back, “please wake up.”

“What’s up, Mase?” You somnolently questioned, yawning as he came into view. Your lamp was now on, illuminating his bloodshot eyes and tired smile. It was only something you’d wish to wake up to every morning. He said nothing, but pulled you into a hug. His arms a tight yet perfect fit around you, a small kiss was pressed to your shoulder as you shifted. Mason never wanted to let you go.

It was moments like this that slowly killed you inside. You and Mason had cuddled before, on one of the nights he’d come over after an argument, he’d snuggle up to you on the couch as you finished watching your movie. It would be a gentle night of intimacy, feelings locked away due to his relationship, and yet he’d still choose her. He’d always go back to Ella, so much so, it made you wonder what she had to make him crawl back each time.

Mason was now in bed with you, head on your chest and enjoying your warmth. He felt a lot better now, having you in his arms, giving you the attention you deserved. But this wasn’t what you wanted. You didn’t want another cuddle with a friend, you wanted him. But you knew his heart still belonged to Ella. He’d fallen asleep pretty quickly, so you’d rolled him off of you and gotten some sleep for yourself before work tomorrow. Where you’d see him.

Throughout your day, you’d caught eyes with him a few times. He’d give you a cheeky grin and sometimes even sing your name as he walked past you. You told yourself not to be hopeful for Mason’s breakup with Ella, because it had never happened before. But not once had he mentioned her to you over the course of the day. A smile had been plastered to your face as you left your office for the day, you could no longer push the hope away, Mason could finally be calling it quits with her.

Until you saw that damned white Golf. She was stood there, a smirk upon her face, Mason jogging up to her and getting into the car. Your mood flattened, making your drive home depressing and your arrival even worse. Your bed still unmade, the creases from Mason moving around in his sleep last night. His jacket was still here, hung on the door of your bedroom. The note he left on your bathroom mirror saying ‘thank you for everything you do <3’, because he knew you’d see it there. Everything in your house reminded you of him, you’d never escape the love you had for this man.

And there you were, back on your couch again. Mason was clearly sticking with Ella this time, so it was a quiet night in for you. This time last year, when Mason actually seemed to be your friend, he’d be round most nights and you’d be arguing over who’s having the last Cornetto and what to watch. But now, it’s like you’re not even his friend. You’re his therapist. You could barely pay attention to the movie you were watching, your mind relaying the scene you’d witnessed today. Seeing him curled up in your bed this morning, and then running to his girlfriends car this afternoon. You’d decided enough was enough.

“I’m gonna confront this asshole,” you mumbled to yourself, changing out of your pyjamas and into a warmer outside attire, “he either stops coming to me about his fucking relationship, or he leaves me alone.” You were psyching yourself up, something you’d mirrored Mason doing a million times before. You’d spent so much time together, you were almost the same person. Sliding into your shoes, you grabbed the door handle. You either cried or screamed at him, no in between. You yanked the handle down to open your door, almost jumping out of your skin when you saw Mason at your door.

“Mason?” You questioned whether you were seeing things or he was actually clinging onto you and weeping into your shoulder. “Why are you here? What happened?” You wanted to be angry at him, you wanted to tell him how tired you were of hearing him complain about his girlfriend nonstop, but not even the worst argument could keep you from comforting him.

“I’m sorry,” he cried, tears staining the material of your hoodie, “I never meant to treat you like this. You mean everything to me.” You brought him inside and sat him on your couch, seeing yourself where you were last night. Only this time you were more concerned. Mason had never cried in front of you, and you still hadn’t found out why.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry for making it feel like I only need you when I argue with Ella.” He simply stated, his large hand wrapped quite tightly around yours. “I promise I need you all the time, you get me through everything. I’d be nowhere without you, you know that. But I’m done, we’re done. I know you saw me getting into her car earlier, but I did it. I finally finished things with her.”

You were knocked out of breath, processing what you’d just heard. After months of having to pick up the pieces, there was no more of that. And not only had he surprised you by following through with his word, he’d apologised. Your Mason was back.

“Really?” You asked, unsure of whether to believe him or not. He just nodded and opened his arms, you falling into them almost instantly. “I mean I’m sorry, but I’m kind of glad. Nobody should make you feel that unhappy, that frequently.” He responded by squeezing you tighter, his hands gently grazing your sides. You wondered if this was going to be the moment a chance would appear — an opportunity for you to tell Mason how you felt about him.

Mason pulled away from your hug, his eyes catching yours briefly before he stared down at your lips. You felt like you were in a haze, eyes half closed as you stared back at him. You were entranced by him and you hadn’t felt as relieved as you did in months. Mason took this chance to inch closer to you, feeling your breath on his face and your hand resting on his thigh. “She doesn’t compare to you. No one does.” He whispered, finally closing the gap between you both. It felt electric, something that was long overdue.

“Mase,” you breathed, whining at the sudden loss of contact, he’d pulled away from the kiss to smile at you, “it’s been so hard watching and listening to her hurt you.” Mason held you close, his newfound confidence after kissing you had you speechless as you looked at him. “But I’d never leave you to deal with it alone.”

“It’s us against the world, it always has been.” He admitted, your legs swung over his lap as he held you tight. The night had ended exactly how you’d hoped, Mason in your arms and no more listening to him whine about Ella. It was the perfect end to your shitty day. But it was getting late, Mason was even yawning as he looked at the time on his phone.

You stood up, shaking off your coat and hanging it on the banister, as well as placing your shoes back onto the shoe rack. Sleep was calling your name at this point, and you didn’t want anything more than to cuddle up to Mason as you slept.

“I’ll take the couch.” Mason stated, reaching into the living room cupboard to grab the blankets out. But you’d grabbed his arm and pulled him up, his face towering over yours. Your eyes met once again, and this time you initiated the kiss. It was brief, and enough to show you still meant what you said.

“Don’t be silly,” your voice was soft, hand linking his as you led him up to your room. Bed still unmade, exactly how he left it this morning. He’d given you one last look, his usual cheeky smile on his face as he grabbed the backs of your thighs and lifted you over his shoulder, carrying you to your bed.

He was above you, and although you were both in the moment, it played out romantically. Mason smoothed his palm over the sides of your face, moving the stray hairs and taking in your beauty. You were effortless with how you looked, and still the most beautiful girl he’d seen. The way he looked at you, it was as if he’d been doing it for years. And he has, but you’d never know that.

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

in which harry is the right person at the wrong time. 

a/n: hi lovelies! here is my christmas fic for @goldenbluesuit​ ‘s xmas challenge! i chose the song ‘baby, it’s cold outside’ and it’s my FAVORITE xmas song, so i’ve included bits and pieces of the song throughout the story! hope you all like it, and happy holidays! pls rb and send feedback bc they’re very helpful :) 

WORD COUNT: 9.6k of ex lovers to lovers, teacher!harry x lawstudent!yn filled with slight angst, missing someone dearly, and fluff

WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol consumption 

COME INTO MY INBOX AND LETS TALK ABOUT ‘BABY, IT’S COLD OUTSIDE’ i’d love to know your thoughts! 

pls rb to share! <3

17 December 2020

A chilly and snowy night was upon you as you took a shot of hard liquor. The face of disgust appeared on your face as the liquid slowly went down your throat after you hammered the shot of tequila. 

Normally, you wouldn’t pregame when you were going to your friend, Addie’s, house where you would drink some more, but you needed to shake off your nerves that you felt at the moment. You took a deep breath after taking your second shot and you had physically felt yourself starting to relax. 

Rolling your head to stretch your neck out, you decided it was time to leave since it was nearing seven in the evening. You called yourself an Uber because of the alcohol in your system and you were planning to sleep over Addie’s place since she said she would bring you back in the morning before you had to go to work. 

You waited for your Uber by the front door while you looked in the mirror, putting your black beanie onto your head. You were bundled up in a black university sweater, a camel color coat over, along with tan lounge pants and a pair of black boots. Once you got a notification that your Uber driver, Jason, was in front of your house, you grabbed your overnight bag and headed out the door. 

You placed the hood of your sweater over your beanie so you got more warmth since it was quite cold. You were never one for the cold weather, which is unfortunate since you lived in London. You cherished the days where it was sunny and warm; the sun bright and warm as you laid on the grass in complete content. 

You missed those days. You missed the days where you didn’t worry about a singular thing. 

Looking out the window, on your way to your destination, you watched the snow slightly fall, hitting and building up on the ground while the pedestrians walked through the streets, bundled up in thick layers of clothing. Some people were with others, walking hand in hand or hugging each other through the cold. Even though it was freezing cold outside, there were smiles on their faces because the hold of one another was enough. They could get through the worst snowfall, but if they were in each other’s arms, it wouldn't matter; they could get through anything. 

The cold had reminded you that you were missing a pair of strong arms that should’ve been around you through this season, but you were completely frozen—left out in the cold to warm yourself up. 

You sighed and the car stopped in front of Addie’s place. You thanked your driver, wishing him a ‘Happy Holidays’ before you got out and buzzed your best friend’s apartment onto the buzzer system; hearing one back, you entered the complex while brushing your shoes onto the floor mat, so you wouldn’t slip while going up the stairs. 

You were grateful the building was warm, and you’re sure Addie would crank up the heat for you since you would always complain how ‘bloody cold’ it is all the time. 

Once you opened the door, you were met with your entire friend group who were all lounging around in the living area. They all faced the door once you walked in, seeing who the last friend to arrive. Greetings were sent towards you, Addie and Nic got up from their spots on the couch that they’re going to lose because behind them, Elijah and Niall were getting up from their spots on the floor to steal it. 

“Hey! There you are! We were all waiting for you,” Addie said, giving you a hug. 

Nic went in for a hug before she pulled back and looked at you suspiciously. You looked at her confusingly, wondering why she was looking at you the way she was before she said, “Did you party before you came here?” You furrowed your brows until you remembered that she probably smelt the alcohol that you took before you left. 

“Oh, uh, just took a couple of shots before I came here.” The two girls understood quite well, thankfully. 

“No worries! Come join,” Addie welcomed you in. The two went back to the living area, only to see that their spots were taken, so they grabbed the two boys’ arms, yanking them out of their seats. You chuckled as you walked to Addie’s room to put all of your belongings. 

Once you did that, you exited her room the same time the bathroom door opened across her room. The person in front of you was the reason why you were so anxious before you left; why you needed to relax for a bit and mentally prepare yourself before going to Addie’s place. 

The person in front of you was Harry Styles. 

The person who had your heart. 

The person you were deeply in love with still. 

The person who was your ex boyfriend. 

“Hi,” he said surprisingly, smiling a bit. 

“Hi, Harry,” you replied, inching towards him as he met you halfway. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders as you did the same around his waist, resting your cheek onto his chest. The hug was warm and comforting, like it always was, and you looked forward to these kinds of hugs every time you saw him. But your heart ached every single time. 

Pulling away, you gave him a small smile before you two walked out of the hallway and to where your friends were. There was laughter between the two girls and guys as Niall was telling them a joke. Nic was the one who saw you and Harry first, and her laughter died down. She looked at you concerningly, giving you those eyes as if they were asking if you were okay, and you nodded your head to reassure her. You and Harry join the group; you sat on the loveseat on one side of the rectangle wooden table, while Harry sat on the floor on the other side. 

You tried joining in on the conversation and laughter, but you couldn’t help but take sneaky glances back to Harry, only to find him getting glances at you as well. 

It was hard to focus on anything your friends were saying when Harry was in the same room, but you realized it was also difficult when he wasn’t in the same room because then you were wondering where he was. 

It wasn’t easy being friends with Harry after the breakup, good friends, especially; and it pained you to actually act normal around him when all you wanted to do was scream, cry, and have him comfort you. But you did your very best to maintain a cool, calm, and collected mood whenever you’re around him, although inside, your heart was racing and everything you said seemed incoherent. 

You tried your best to avoid him after you two split, and he did as well, but being part of the same friend group just didn’t go well with your wishes. You two had to suck it up and be normal around each other.

Being with Harry was possibly the best eight months of your life. To some, it’s not the longest amount of time, but he was one of a kind; you couldn’t find anyone out there like him--not like you were looking anyways. It genuinely felt like you’ve been together for years, and when you two were celebrating your six month anniversary, your friends had questioned you saying ‘It’s only been six months?!’

Your relationship with Harry was all things blissful. It was pure happiness and love, and you wouldn’t want it with anyone else. You two rarely got into fights, and if you did, it was most likely a petty and annoyed argument that would have you two back in each other’s arms only twenty minutes after. He was your fresh breath of air that made you laugh and orgasm…multiple times. 

It was all smiles and laughs until it wasn’t. 

You two had gotten together the second semester of senior year. Meeting at the library because you couldn’t reach a book, it didn’t take long for you both to get together. You had known him for two weeks until he asked you out on a date where he kissed you for the first time. The dates and kisses continued on for six months until you mutually decided to call it quits. 

It wasn’t an easy decision, but considering that Harry was going to a different school that was in a different country for his master’s degree in education for the fall semester, and you were also in the midst of your career; interning at a law firm didn’t quite clear up your schedule, only making you busier by the hour. There was barely any time for the two of you to spend time with each other with how busy and hectic your lives were, so there would most likely be no calls coming in or distant texts that were sent out to make it seem like the void had disappeared. 

Like two mature adults, you and Harry called it quits after the summer. He moved away to get his master’s and you kept yourself busy at the law firm. It wasn’t easy--still isn’t easy, but it was for the best. The both of you needed to focus on your careers and yourself before you two were ready enough to get back together. That’s if Harry wanted to get back together anyways. 

Of course you wanted to get back together with him, but you didn’t know where he stood on that, or if he was even seeing someone. Throughout the two years that he was away, you only saw him during summer and winter breaks, so he could possibly be seeing someone whenever he goes back to school. But now that he had moved back again, your mind was spiraling because now you got to see him more. 

Finally, you broke out of your trance, once again thinking about Harry, you saw him looking at you. The both of you completely tuned out to the conversation and laughter coming from your friends. You held your wine glass up, Harry doing the same while smirking before you both sipped your drinks, hoping the sweet wine would relax your bodies. 

Nic was picking out a small paper out of the Santa hat Addie was holding. She took a quick peek at it before, smirking to herself before Addie moved over to you for your turn. As you chose your Secret Santa, you hoped it was a good one. It’s not like you didn’t love your friends, some of them were picky, and by some, you mean Nic. 

You looked at the piece of paper, smiling before shoving it into your pocket. Addie moved onto Harry who was the last one to choose, and you watched him as he looked at the paper like it was a poker hand. He raised his brows, smirking before he looked up and started to fold the paper. Your eyes looked down at his polished hands, noticing that he still wears the same rings as he did when you first met him. Your favorites were his initial, thinking how incredibly sexy and alluring they looked on him as he walked around confidently. You’ve stolen them multiple times as well, even if they were too big on you, but the thought of walking around with Harry’s name on you just seemed so enticing. 

Niall’s laughter brought you out of your sensual thoughts about Harry’s hands and you realized you were caught staring, and Harry knew exactly what you were looking at with the amount of times he’s caught you staring and fantasizing about his hands. Plus, you openly told him that you had a thing for his hands. 

A smug smile was seen from Harry, so you took your attention away from him and towards your friends. 

“So, what do we say? $50 limit?” Nic suggested, and Elijah rolled his eyes.

“Why are you trying to make me broke? You know I have a huge family, like, 15 cousins!” Elijah debates. 

Nic gasped dramatically. “I’m offended you don’t consider us family, Eli!” Elijah playfully rolls his eyes again, turning his head to the side as he smiled into his shoulder, blushing a bit. 

You chuckled at their playful banter. You’re a bit surprised they hadn’t gotten together yet because ever since you met them, you could practically feel the tension between them. They were just too stubborn to admit that they liked each other. 

“Okay, how about we make it maximum $30?” Harry pitched in. Your eyes had immediately averted to him, and it was like he captured you just by the sound of his voice. “We have exactly six days to get our gifts,” he added. Your friend group has always been one for procrastinating. Everyone is so busy these days that it gets harder to plan hangouts where the entire group could go, but you were all family, so if the gatherings were at three in the morning, everyone would be there. 

The group agreed, telling him that was a solid number. You caught Harry’s eye and he softly smiled at you. Giving him one back, you suddenly felt nervous as he smiled, so you chugged the rest of your wine and walked to the kitchen to open a new bottle to bring to the living area.

The bottle made a loud pop sound, which earned an in sync ‘Woo!’ from the group as it was a tradition you all created whenever a new bottle of wine was being opened. Smiling to yourself, you poured yourself a glass before downing it. As you were doing so, Harry walked into the kitchen with his own glass in his hand. 

“Hogging all the wine, aren’t you, Y/N?” He teased to clear the awkward and anxious tension between you two, and luckily, you stifled out a giggle. 

“You know me and my wine.” You refilled his empty glass while taking a sip of yours. Once you fill it halfway, he clinked your glasses together before taking a sip. His lips meeting the sweet but bitter taste of red wine that you so wished was your lips. The way he curled his lips into his mouth and licking his lips, tasting the flavor had you daydreaming such sultry things about his lips. 

You cleared your throat, breaking yourself out of your gaze. “How are you, H? How’s work?” 

Harry’s cheeks warmed up at the simple nickname. “I’m doing good, yeah. Work is good. The school is great.” This was Harry’s first semester teaching, and he absolutely loved it. He loved being in the classroom setting, interacting and making sure his students understood the material. He wanted to teach elementary kids, but that would require knowing various subjects when he wanted to focus more on ninth grade English. 

“I’m happy for you,” you confessed. You were happy for him, but you wanted to be happy with him. “I know you’re a great teacher, and your students must love you.” You bumped him with your hip gently. 

“They’re great. A couple of them have this weird crush on me for some reason.” 

“I mean how could they not.” You realized you said that out loud, and you’re fully blaming the alcohol and the few glasses of wine that you already had, leaving you with a rosy cheek tint glow. Harry didn’t say anything but smug as he continued to sip on his drink. You slipped past him to join your friends, and Harry followed. Addie gave you a knowing look, hoping to communicate with just her eyes as she saw you and Harry walk out of the kitchen together, and you simply nodded, gesturing that you were okay. 

The rest of the night went by quite fun as the boys helped Addie hang up the rest of her decorations while scoffing and rolling her eyes because they weren’t cooperating. You and Nic were sitting on the floor watching and laughed, pouring yourselves more glasses of wine. Your heart skipped a few beats as you watched Harry the entire time, laughing and smiling, and sometimes looking over at you just to get a simple glance at your face to suffice his heart from the heartache of not being able to hold or kiss you. 

You’ve always liked shopping alone. Shopping with Nic and Addie could be stressful, no matter how much you loved them. You would only go to the shoppes with them if you weren’t looking for anything to buy, but since you were Christmas shopping and the stores were getting busier counting down to Christmas day, you had passed on their invitation to shop with them. There was nobody bugging or nagging you, causing you to get distracted; just you, a basketful of snacks, and Christmas music playing through your headphones. 

You couldn’t wait to give your Secret Santa gift because you’ve put a lot of thought into it ever since you found out who your receiver was. You’ve been doing Secret Santa with your friends since the third year of college. At first, your friends group was only you, Nic, Addie, and Niall—you’ve known Niall since you were sixteen, and you met the girls your first year of uni—until Nic met Elijah during the second semester of junior year, who was quickly accepted, and then you met Harry. 

You’ve all become a close knit of friends, and each and every single one of you have met other people, but there was nothing like this group. With bonding and connecting so well, all you needed was each other, and you couldn’t be more grateful. 

As you were looking at the collection of whiskey, you felt a body brush passed you, slightly bumping into you as they tried getting through the narrow aisle. You jolted forward a tad bit, making you take a step forward to let the person behind you pass through. 

“So sorry,” the familiar voice said. The music playing through your headphones was not even halfway up since you still wanted to be aware of your surroundings, but you could recognize that voice anywhere. 

Turning around to look at the person behind you, sure enough, it was the one and only. 

“Harry?” You called out, taking out your headphones. He turned around, and once he saw you, he immediately smiled. 

“H-Hi. I didn’t expect to see you,” he nervously blurted out a false statement. He knew that this was your go to store and you would always drag him there because they always had your favorite snacks in stock. 

You chuckled. “Yeah, I didn’t expect to see you here either.” Unlike his statement, yours was true. When you were with him, he would always ask you why you couldn’t stop at any of the other shops because this one was on the other side of where you lived. But you simply told him that it was because you would feel like you would be cheating on this store with the others because this was your go-to place, and the employees here were just lovely. 

“Shopping for yourself?” Harry asked. 

You looked down at your basket. “Oh, no. For my Secret Santa. What about you? What are you doing here?” 

“I, uh, I was on this side of town and,” he turned around to face the wine section before grabbing a bottle of Pinot Noir. “Just needed to get this,” he said as he held it up. 

“Night in?” 

“Hmm, yeah,” he nodded. 

“With…someone, or?” You tried your best to not show your anxiousness when you asked him if he was having a night in with someone that’s not you. 

Harry’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “No, no. Not with anyone…” Your shoulders relaxed and a small smile appeared on your face. You slightly nodded your head, containing your relief. “You look great!” He complimented. You were wearing your work attire; a black pencil skirt with a white silk, semi turtleneck long sleeve, and a black coat thrown over. You were also in nude heels, which weren’t the best to shop in, but you had forgotten to bring a change of shoes. 

You blushed. “Thank you. I came here straight from work.” Harry’s brows raised. You were always one for a sense of style, so he wasn’t surprised that you would look this good going to work. 

“Really? How is work going, by the way?” 

“Good, actually. I’m still interning at the law firm, so I’m pretty busy. But overall it’s great! A lot of research, mock cases, and sometimes the interns get to sit and watch in the courtroom. It’s pretty thrilling,” you said excitedly. Harry smiled, missing how you would explain things so eagerly. “This is my last year interning, so hopefully I could work at the law firm I’m already interning at, and become a permanent lawyer there.” 

“I’m sure they’d love to have you there. You’re great, really. They’d be stupid to let you go…” he trailed off. There was a double meaning to his words, and you were wondering if Harry thought he was dumb enough to let you go. Not wanting to dwell on his words any longer, you murmured a soft ‘Thanks’ to him and smiled. Harry nodded, mentally beating himself up over his words and how he was really the stupid one to let you go. 

“I, uh, should go, or my sister will be suspicious,” you chuckled. “I hope you have a great night, Harry.” You grabbed a bottle of whiskey before walking passed him. You weren’t even done shopping, but you couldn’t be in the same room as him without thinking of the memories that had always lingered, making you nostalgic and sad because you don’t know if you would be able to make more memories with him. 

Harry was left alone in the aisle as he watched you walk over to the register to pay for your items. Just when you were done, you looked up, giving him a soft smile and waving at him before you turned around and walked out of the store. Harry’s heart fluttered, but at the same time, it was pounding through his chest. He mentally cursed himself for being so nervous around you, making an awkward tension fill the air. He couldn’t tell you what you were really doing at your store--no, he couldn’t. 

Because what would you say if he told you that he’s been going to your store ever since you two broke up and whenever he’s in town just because it reminded him of you. The four walls somewhat mended his broken heart as he felt comfort inside of the shop because some of his best memories of you are in this very store. And since he couldn’t step into your apartment to immediately feel at home, your favorite store would have to do…for now. 

Right when you entered Addie’s home, you were met with the loud music of the holiday season, along with Addie, Nic, and Elijah singing the lyrics to one another as they jumped and danced with a glass of their preferred alcohol in their hand. 

They hadn’t heard the door open since the music was quite loud, so you took the opportunity to take a quick video of them as you smiled at your lovely friends, who felt so careless at the moment. Once the song ended, you put your phone away, and Eli was the one who spotted you first. 

“Ah, there she is!” He walked over to you, giving you a big hug. You giggled as he slightly picked you up from the ground and twirling you. You were sure that he was already buzzed, and you were wondering how many glasses he’s had already, or if he pregamed by himself to calm himself down for talking to Nic, just like you had done to prepare you for a night with Harry, which you hadn’t done tonight. 

There was a part of you that wanted to take a shot or two to ease your nerves, but you realized that you needed to stop doing that because as far as you know, you and Harry are most likely going to be friends for a long time. So, drinking almost every week did not sound fun to you. 

Nic poured you a glass of wine, clinking your glasses together as you took your first sip of alcohol that night. You helped Addie set up the food onto the table along with some Christmas designed plates and utensils. Just as you were counting the utensils, you heard a loud Santa laugh coming from Niall, making everyone turn their heads towards the door. Niall walked in, carrying a bag-full of presents and Harry followed with a three foil wrapped aluminum trays in his hands as he chuckled at Niall’s way of making himself known. Your face immediately heated up at the sight of your ex-boyfriend because he looked good. 

Although you loved every version of Harry, there was something about Harry Styles in the snowy winter that made your knees weak. He was bundled up in a sweater with a coat tossed over, and he wore boots. His hair was slightly messy from the wind as he shook off the snow that had fallen onto his locks. His nose was always red too, and when he would press a kiss to your cheek, you would feel the icy cold tip of his nose, contrasting to your warm cheeks. And it’s a tragedy that you’ve never spent a winter season with him when you were together, only two Christmases after the breakup. 

Winter Harry was your favorite, and all you wanted to do was snuggle up with him. 

Niall and Harry made their rounds to greet everyone, and Harry would always make sure you were the last one he greeted, just so he could hold and hug you a little longer. 

“Merry Christmas Eve, Eve,” you said once he got to you. He smiled and chuckled, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. You laid your head against his chest, taking in his scent and natural warmth, even though he just came from the cold. “What’d you bring?” You asked once you pulled away. 

“I brought the cheesy garlic bread, brussel sprouts, and crab cakes,” he smiled. 

You gasped. “Your specialty. My mouth is already watering.”’ You clapped your hands in excitement. 

Harry giggled, leaning against the kitchen countertop. “Sure is, and it’s some of your favorite dishes of mine too,” he remembered. You blushed, heart fluttering as he didn’t forget your favorite foods. 

Harry was always a chef of his own; he loved cooking. Learning from Anne, he made it his mission to make his own homemade food after he moved out, and she would always tell him that you could always show your love through food. From there, he learned more about cooking and seemed to love everything about it. Whenever the group has gatherings for special occasions and everyone agrees for a potluck, Harry always made sure to talk to everyone and see what they wanted him to cook. 

When you two were together, he did the majority of the cooking. There would be times when you wanted to help, but he would simply tell you that you needed to let him do it and relax. That was something you loved about him—he was always a giver and didn’t expect to receive anything back, in more than one way. 

You and Harry were definitely ones for staying in, and he would always whip up the best food that was filled with so much love and flavor. 

“Once you two are done loving over there, we’d like some help over here!” Niall called out from the dining area. Your eyes widened as Harry’s cheeks turned pink. Harry held his arm out, gesturing you to go first, and you walked out of the kitchen as he followed behind you.

The group’s attention and eyes were on you and Harry, and your brows furrowed as you mouthed a ‘What?’ at them, and they instantly went back to setting up the food as if nothing happened. You turned around to look at Harry confusingly and he shrugged his shoulders, just as confused. 

The music was playing, the decorations were lit up, and the food was settling into everyone’s stomach, followed by drinks as a warm feeling laid over everyone. It was overall a great time with them as it always was, and since Christmas was coming up in just two days, the merry feeling was always everyone’s moods. 

As everyone was laughing and having a great time, Addie had gotten a knock from her neighbor, asking if everyone could keep the volume down. Everyone was holding in their laugh because you all hadn’t realized how loud you’ve gotten. 

“I’m pretty sure they knew it was going to be a long night when it was just the three of them dancing and screaming,” you pointed out to Addie, Nic, and Elijah, and they all laughed, agreeing. 

“Wait, what?” Niall asked confusingly. 

“Right when I walked in, they were screaming at the top of their lungs. Wait, I have a video.” You pulled your phone out of the front pocket of your sweater and showed Niall the twenty second video. 

He cackled. “Hey, thanks for waiting for us,” he teased, giving your phone back to you. 

You leaned back onto Harry’s leg, since you were sitting on the floor and he was sitting on the chair behind you, and you looked up at him to show him the video. He leaned forward, placing his forearms on his thighs as you shifted closer to him so you were sitting in between his legs. Harry’s lips curled into his mouth, and he was grateful that you weren’t facing him because he was flustered. You pressed play, and he watched as he chuckled, watching his friends have a good time.

“Wait, I also wanted to show you this video,” you mentioned once the video was over. You scrolled through your pictures, and Harry was watching you go through your camera roll. He saw pictures of buildings, food, you and the girls, and some of them were just of you. Before he could really think about your own pictures, you found the video of your family dog and showed Harry. 

As you and Harry were watching the video, your four other friends were eyeing you two and whispering things to each other suspiciously. Nic took a few pictures of the moment because the sight was just so cute, but everyone was wondering when you two were getting back together. 

And you were wondering the same. 

For a few minutes, you and Harry were in your own little world as you two talked about your family; never making the effort to change the position you were in--you had just turned your body so you could see him better. You’ve missed times like these where everything else, outside of the bubble you two created, didn’t seem to matter. The way his eyes gleamed when he talked to you had lulled you in, making you depart from every thought you were trying to create while the only thought that dawdled was Harry. 

“Alright, let’s pass out our Secret Santa gifts before we’re all too drunk,” Niall suggested, popping yours and Harry’s bubble. You moved out of between Harry’s legs to sit beside him where you were before. You looked up at him, softly smiling and he gave you one back. His eyes looked like they wanted to say something, and you so badly wanted to crawl into his mind to know what he was thinking. 

Everyone agreed, getting up to grab their gifts. Addie also grabbed the Santa hat that you had to wear if it was your turn to pass out your gift. The Santa hat had been through four Christamases with the group, and it was the little things that made you happy.

Addie decides to go first since she was the host. She put the Santa hat on before she started. “First one! My Secret Santa is…Elijah!” She walked over to him, giving him her gift as he smiled, thanking her. He opened her gift and gasped as it was a new headset for his PlayStation since he was always talking about how one side was completely dead. Addie placed the hat onto his head as he grabbed his gift. 

“So, this one is for…” he smiled before walking over to the other end of the couch. “Nic.” Her eyes widened, taking the gift from his hands, and he took a seat next to her on the floor. She ripped open the wrapping paper before she paused, looking back at him. It was a large rectangle frame of pictures of her and Eli with a note in the middle saying ‘4 years as best friends, countless laughs, and one question unasked. Will you go on a date with me?’ Nic squealed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. It was like he was proposing to her because she screamed out a loud yes. “Life is too damn short. I can’t wait to go another day without calling you my girl, so I wanted to take my chances,” he told her. You smiled at them, realizing it’s been too long, and you were so happy for them. 

It was Nic’s turn, which she completely forgot about because she was so overjoyed, and she walked up to Harry to give him her gift. He thanked her before opening it, receiving a set of nail polish, a few face masks, a vanilla candle, and a gift card to one of his favorite restaurants. 

Harry was up, and he was a bit nervous for this one. You knew that it could either be you, Niall, or Addie since you were the three left without gifts. He stood in front of the fireplace as everyone looked at him. You thought he looked absolutely adorable in that Santa hat, which you think every single year. He slowly walked over to Niall, making him beam, but turned around and walked over to you, earning a ‘Hey!’ from Niall. 

“Merry Christmas Eve, Eve,” Harry greeted you, handing you your gift. You smiled brightly, grabbing the box. It was a quite heavy box with brown wrapping paper with reindeers on it and a large red bow. “I wrapped it myself,” he smirked, playfully flipping his shirt hair, and you giggled. 

You ripped the paper and opened the box, eyes softening. In the box, there was a graphic tee, your —and his—favorite fresh perfume by Jo Malone, five pens with your first and last name engraved in the middle, a Cravings cookbook from Chrissy Teigen and a yellow and white vertical striped apron with the words ‘Summer Lovin’ with a sun embroidered at the top. Your eyes watered at the words at the special but emotional meaning behind it. 

Two months before you and Harry broke up, you knew it was the end. You both agreed that you would spend two months together before you had to part ways with one another. It was the most special and fun summer you ever had, but emotionally, it was the worst. Knowing that you weren’t going to be together anymore by the end of it was behind the facade of the endless laughter and love. You really didn’t want it to be over, but you understood and needed to grow separately and blossom with your careers. 

The words behind the embroidered apron was from one summer night. You and Harry had a bonfire at the beach, and you were cuddled up with him as he held a blanket around the both of you. You had tequila disguised like water as you held your bottle up to the best summer loving. You wished the circumstances were different, but if it’s meant to be, then he’ll come back to you. 

“You’ve always wanted to learn how to cook and I’ve seen that you’re starting to on your Instagram stories, so I thought these were the perfect things to get you so you could be a proper chef now,” he said with a soft smile. 

Harry truly paid attention to the small details of your life. Together or not, he intently listened and observed without anyone knowing. He nailed it down to the small details; from the perfume, the pens, and the apron. The sentiment behind it was what made the gift so special, and the person who gifted it to you completed and made it so much better. 

As your vision had gone glassy, you sat on your knees, reaching up at Harry for a hug. He bent down to your eye level, sitting on his knees as well as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders. You held him tightly, sniffling into his shoulder as a rush of overwhelming emotions hit you. Your heart fluttered and pounded at the same time—a feeling that was familiar to your body when it came to Harry. 

“Thank you so much. This is the most thoughtful gift ever,” you said into his shoulder. This gift was number two on the list of gifts you’ve received from him, following Harry himself as your number one, of course. 

Harry pulled his head back slightly to press a kiss to the side of your head. The gesture had made your heart swoon and you smiled against his shoulder. Everyone was watching you two interact, and they all thought this was finally the moment where you two would get back together again. They’ve all seen you two suffer enough being without each other, along with the heavy tension that there was. All they wanted was for you both to be happy. 

You pulled away from him, looking up at his green eyes as they stared into you. He offered you a small smile that took your breath away before he wrapped one arm around your shoulder, bringing you into his side as he wasn’t quite done holding you. 

After a few minutes, your friends had let you have your moment before Niall complained how he didn’t have a gift yet. You and Harry chuckled, letting go of one another, and he placed the Santa hat onto your head before you slowly started walking over to Niall. When you handed him his gift, he cheered happily before opening it. You had given him several customized guitar pics with his initials printed onto them, a leather notebook since he liked to write songs, and Proper 12 Irish Whiskey, which was fitting because he’s Irish and he likes Connor McGregor. He thanked you with a big hug, picking you up off the ground with one arm as he held the alcohol bottle in the other. 

Addie was the last one who hadn’t received a gift, and Niall was her Secret Santa. He gave her a bunch of makeup with your help, and a tupperware set, which she had been asking for since everyone always took her containers because she liked hosting so many parties. 

The rest of the night had gone on for a few more hours before everyone was pretty tired, deciding to call it a night. Everyone helped clean up, making sure to help Addie with the dishes and putting or throwing stuff away. Although you were cleaning, you loved your entire group. This was your family--the closest people to you. The ones who know everything about you and would laugh at you when you fall before falling with you. You were entirely grateful for everyone in this room, and you couldn’t have asked for a better group to spend more holidays and days with. 

After the cleaning was done, Niall and Eli started to head out, not before Eli was satisfied with the amount of goodbyes he gave Nic with how long the hug was. Niall had to physically pull him off, telling him the Uber was outside. 

You were washing your hands before Harry walked over next to you, handing you a towel to dry off your hands. “Thank you,” you muttered, shyly smiling. 

“Uh, I wanted to ask if you wanted to come over?” He proposed. Your brows raised at his question. You and the girls had planned on having a sleepover after, but the prospect of going home with Harry had sounded much better (no offense to your friends). 

“I was planning to sleepover here…” you decided to innocently tease, even though you knew you were going to say yes. 

“I already asked them, and they said I could take you. I could drop you back off here if you want. So, the answer is up to you,” he smirked. A blush appeared onto your cheeks, admiring the fact that he asked your friends for permission if he could take you home. 

“There’s bound to be talk tomorrow,” you teased, lightly nudging him.

“I’ll take my chances,” he smiled, a hopeful look presented on his face. 

You breathed out a chuckle, looking at him for a moment before you nodded. “Yeah. Let’s go.” Harry’s eyes widened as the corners of his lips turned up. You grabbed your phone and your coat before walking over to Addie and Nic who were both cuddled up on the couch, saying goodbye to them. They sent you a playful wink, and you rolled your eyes as nerves startled to settle in your stomach. 

You followed Harry out of the door, the cold air brisking past you as you walked to his car. He opened the passenger and you thanked him before getting in. Harry started the car and the song that was playing was ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside.’ It was a song you loved ever since you were a little girl, and you remembered the times you and your mom would always sing it in the car. You smiled at the memory, humming as you hoped it would be a way to distract you from the anxious feeling that you have. 

You started humming to the tune as quietly as you possibly could, but Harry heard it as he started to hum it as well. You looked at him through your peripheral vision, noticing that he started to tap his fingers against the steering wheel. 

You were about to start singing until you noticed that he pulled into his driveway, so you contained yourself and closed your coat, getting out of the car as you followed him into his home. You’ve only been inside his home three times--those three times being when he would suggest everyone hang out there. It was a lovely place and whenever you were sitting on his couch, you had wished you shared the space with him. 

Harry lit up the fireplace, placing the metal shield in front of it before turning back towards you and smiling. “Make yourself comfortable. I’m just going to get us some hot chocolate, if that’s alright?” He asked, wanting to know your preferred drink. 

“Sound good.” You hung your coat onto the coat rack before walking over to his turquoise velvet couch and taking a seat, getting comfortable to an extent, not knowing how comfortable you should get. 

Not long after, Harry came back with a wooden tray, and he placed it on the coffee table in front of you. There were two mugs filled with milk, two hot chocolate kits, and spoons. 

“I made these for my students, and I just so happened to have two extra kits, so this will be fun,” he smiled, and you gave him one back appreciatively. You thought that it was cute and sweet of him to give something to his students for the holiday season. Normally, teachers don’t give them anything, but Harry wasn’t just any other teacher. 

A somewhat comfortable silence fell over you two as you both made your own hot chocolate, and you listened to the fireplace roar. Once you two were done, you clicked your glasses together before taking a sip. The warm and comforting drink made you smile and was overall delicious. 

Harry didn’t know what to say or how to say what he really wanted to say. It felt like he had non stop thoughts running through his head, but when he opened his mouth to start, there was a delay. An overwhelming feeling took over him and he wanted to yell at himself for not saying how he really felt. 

“Y/N-” 

“Harry.” 

Just like before, your minds had been in sync, causing you both to speak at the same time. A light laugh came out of both of your mouths. 

“You go first,” you told him. 

Harry took a deep breath. “How’re you doing?” He asked. Out of everything he could have said, that was the only question that came out of his mouth, but he figured it’s a good start to getting somewhere. 

“Truthfully?” He nodded. “I’m doing okay. I’ve managed to distract myself from worrying about the future with work, and so far, it’s been helping.” 

“What are you worried about?” Harry wondered curiously. He could feel his heart pounding through his chest, and if he’s being honest, it’s been that way the first time he saw you…ever. 

“Worried if I’m gonna be where I want to be career wise, and…” you trailed off. 

“And what?” He encouraged you to continue. His stare was so intimidating and deep that the words flew off your tongue, making them unforgettable. “Ba--Y/N?” He called out for you, noticing how he almost slipped up and called you ‘baby,’ and you so wished he hadn’t stopped himself. 

You finally mustered up the courage to speak your thoughts. “I’m afraid that I’m gonna be alone,” you said honestly. 

Harry’s brows furrowed, shaking his head instantly. “You’re not alone, no. You have your family, all of us--your friends, me-” 

“You?” Your brows raised. 

“Yeah-” 

“Harry, you’re the reason why I’m so worried…” you confessed. You were starting to get frustrated--not at Harry, but at yourself because you had planned to have this conversation a different day. You tried to calm yourself down, and Harry could practically see that you were getting angry at yourself. You had a certain stressful and frustrated look that he would notice when you started to beat yourself up over things. And throughout the months of being with you, especially when you were in the midst of law school, he learned how to calm you down. 

Harry placed his hand on your knee; the touch being unexpected to you, but it had brought you immediate comfort. He pulled you into his side and you rested your head on his shoulder, looping your arm under his, the one that’s on your leg, and hugged his arm. Harry’s other hand touched your arm, caressing and soothing you. His actions had felt very natural and familiar to him. He would comfort you like this when you were feeling stressed. Normally, he wanted to cuddle you tightly, but this was your preferred way to calm down because in a way, he was still holding you, and you were still in control and didn’t feel like you were suffocating if he had held you tightly.

You stayed like that for a few moments, and you had calmed down a bit already, but you just wanted to be close to him and cherish the moment. 

After a few minutes, you pulled away and turned towards him, smiling softly. Your heart warmed at the fact that he remembered exactly what to do when you started to feel anxious, and you may have fallen in love with him even more…after all these years. 

“Now, wanna tell me why you’re so worried?” He asked softly, not wanting his tone to be pressuring, and you’re grateful for it.

“I’m worried I’m going to have to live a life without you. It terrifies me to think about you going out and meeting someone, and I would have to watch you get married to someone else that’s not me. That you would be sharing this home with someone that’s not me.” Your eyes start to water, and you had mentally told yourself that you wouldn’t cry, but you didn’t believe yourself in the slightest. “Watching you love someone else is going to be the most difficult thing I would have to do.” 

Your tears had fully fallen down your face, which is unfortunate because you both had such a good day with your friends and it was nearly Christmas. Quickly wiping your tears away, you got up from the couch, and headed towards the door. Harry was confused until he saw you grab your coat, putting it on. In a flash, Harry got up from the couch, walking towards you. 

“W-What are you doing?” He asked. 

“I really can’t stay…” you told him sadly. You had no idea how you were getting home or back to Addie’s since it’s snowing, so you don’t know if there were any Ubers out, especially at this time. “This evening has been…so very nice, Harry.”

“You don’t have to leave. Baby, it’s cold outside, c’mon,” he pleaded with worried eyes. Your heart melted at his words and the name that he used to call you, making you pause in your movement. 

“Please,” he pleaded softly, taking a small step forward, and your breath hitched in your throat as you looked up at him. There was a dead silence between you two that was tension filled, and you had no clue what was going to happen next until he opened his mouth. 

“Mind if I move in closer?” He whispered. The sound would barely be audible if anyone else was there, so he said those words specifically for you to hear. 

You shook your head, and he took another step forward. Your bodies were a centimeter away from being pressed up against one another, and your heart was beating so fast, making your hands shake and tremble. He looked down at you so intently that you were under his spell, and you were conflicted as you wish you knew how to break the spell as his green eyes looked deep into you, luring you in even more. 

You took a deep breath. “Kiss me already,” you breathed out. Harry’s heart nearly stopped at your words, but he slightly smirked as he blushed, brushing your hair behind your ears before taking your face into your hands and leaning down to place a deep and passionate kiss onto your lips. 

This feeling, this touch, this man was what you’ve been waiting for these past two years. Throughout those years, you felt like giving up; accepting the fact that he wasn’t going to love you again. But he had proved you wrong in the simple brush of his lips and tongue that were in sync with yours, making the spark between you grow bigger and bigger. The spark that had never lost its power, but was on pause.

You grabbed a fistful of his shirt, pulling him closer as the other hand was wrapped around his back. Harry had you pushed up against his front door, and you had the urge to lift your leg up to wrap it around him, but you resisted. 

Harry wanted more, too. His hands trailed down from your face to your back, closing the nonexistent proximity between you, and guided you back to the couch. You were walking backwards, completely trusting him that he wouldn’t let you fall as his lips never left yours. 

You giggled once the back of your legs hit the couch, falling onto the soft material as Harry hovered over you, laying in between your legs. He looked at you for a moment, studying every freckle, the crimson color on your cheeks, the curve when you smile, your glimmering eyes, and your cute nose. He knew that it was exactly how he remembered. After a couple of years being separated, a beautiful face like yours was hard to forget. 

“You’re quite crazy to think I’d want to live the rest of my life with someone else when you’re right in front of me,” he suddenly said. Your eyes widened at his confession. “Never wanna be without you ever again. Thought you didn’t want to be with me when I came back, so I just didn’t bother. But you have no idea how much I missed you. I missed you so much.” 

He placed soft kisses all around your face as he spoke, leaving you feeling so tender and soft as he was so gentle with you. For someone who’s on her way to becoming a lawyer and always having to have an answer for everything, you were speechless. The words that you’ve been waiting for for so long were music to your ears. It rolled off his tongue so smoothly, slick like honey, and you connected your lips with his again, swirling your tongue against his as you devoured his words. Hands finding their way to his hair, you gripped on his locks and pulled just the way he liked it, earning a groan from him, and you smirked against his mouth. 

You pulled back, leaving him breathless. Swollen lips, blushed cheeks, and smiles plastered on his face, you said the words you’ve been itching to say. “I love you,” you blurted out. The words had rolled off your tongue so effortlessly, making shivers run down Harry’s spine as his eyes watered up. “I was listening to Elijah earlier, and he’s right. Life’s too fucking short to not have what you want.” 

He took one of your hands into his, bringing it up to his lips before placing a kiss onto the back of your hand. Your other hand was playing with the curls that laid delicately on his hands, scratching it lightly. 

“Missed hearing you say those words.” He smiled, tears making their way down his face. “I love you too. So, so much that you have no idea how I feel when you walk into the room and I see your beautiful face. I love you. I love you. I love you, baby.” His affirmations had caused you to softly sob—the two of you a crying mess from the obvious but unspoken love that was finally being released again. “It’s always been you. You’ve always been my girl, did you know that?” You tilted your head a bit. “Never gonna go a day without reminding you that you are, because you’ve never not been my girl. Had to love and admire you from afar, but just wanted to hold you and kiss you.” 

“You can kiss and hold me all you want now, my love,” you reassured him, and he dug his face into your neck, placing a soft kiss against your skin. 

You smiled so brightly as your heart felt so happy and overflowed with love, and he matched your grin, feeling the same way. 

The two of you kissed each other for a bit more, whispering sweet words, and laughed and talked about anything and everything—truly catching up with one another. 

“Oh.” He got off of you, making you slightly pout from the weight of laying on you that you already missed. “I actually got you another gift.” 

“Harry…you already got me enough.” It was true. Along with the thoughtful gift, he was your true Christmas miracle. 

“I know. But this one, I wanted to give to you in private, and this is the perfect moment, so let me do this?” He looked at you with sweet and pleading eyes with a small smile on his face. Who could ever say no to that adorable face? Certainly not you. 

You nodded, and he shot up, heading towards the stairs. “Give me thirty seconds,” he said before rushing up the stairs. 

You heard him shuffling up there, and the sound of a drawer opening and closing. Thirty seconds later, he was walking downstairs, holding a white box wrapped in a red bow. He sat back down next to you, looking into your eyes as he spoke. 

“This is what I wanted to give you when we were alone. It didn’t matter the outcome of how things turned out between us tonight, I just wanted to give you this because I think you’ll appreciate it. It reminded me of you when I saw it, and I knew I had to get it.” He handed you the box with slightly shaky hands. 

You untied the bow, taking the top off. A gasp came from your mouth as you picked up the chain. It was a little gold sun pendant, symbolizing your summer together. You studied the charm for a moment, delicately touching it as you teared up at the meaning behind it. It matched quite well with your embroidered apron, and the two together would be quite the match. 

“Thank you, Harry. This is so sweet of you.” You leaned forward, giving him a hasty kiss to his lips, smiling against them. “Help me put it on?” He nodded eagerly. You handed him the necklace before turning around, lifting your hair. You felt the cool metal chain hit your skin along with Harry’s lingering touches across your shoulders, causing your skin to pebble. He placed a quick kiss to your neck before pulling away. You turned around to meet his eyes as you smiled. 

“Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.” He kissed your forehead. “I’m so happy. Merry Christmas Eve, Eve, baby.” 

“Merry Christmas Eve, Eve, my love.” 

You cuddled into his side as the silence took over. The only thing was heard was the pounding of your love-filled hearts along with the cracking of the fire. Sure, it was cold outside, but right here in Harry’s arms, you were warmer than ever. 

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