#it was fun though!!! like i say it got my ass to draw ollie finally and i do like his design

[enhanced-operatives-division]

i would love to hear about the ollie and handler crack ship here’s a silly doodle as well

LOVE THE DOODLE YOU SEE THE VISION!!!

Also this got my ass to design Ollie so:

(Love him - Also redesigned Reggie for this too so thanks!!)

And idk if it's moreso a crackship or a rarepair that only works in an AU (HACKS up Starstruck), but Reggie's line of "...and I hope Ollie made it out too. I hope a lot of things." It's totally me reading into it but like,,,,I want them to talk because Ollie is not dead to me in my heart of hearts.

Maybe the only change is like Reggie taps into the communication on the radio in Hot Water instead of using the earpiece, so Ollie ends up hearing him also? And they end up getting along really well (with Reggie having to jump through a couple hoops to be like "haha what agency..."). There's an Agency base in the South-East coast of Australia and maybe the Agency ends up adopting him after he washes up on the shore with the escape pod (after HEAVY questioning).

Alas take a doodle of my own:

Transcript (it's just canon lines):

Ollie: "She's being controlled, it's not her fault."

Reggie: "Agent, I have 0 experience dealing with giant security squids."

[originalhybridloverfics]

Love Me Always - Ch 1

A/N: Okay, so instead of doing a prologue, I decided to share a full chapter.This story is inspired by one of my one-shots that I decided to expand on.

Summary: When Felicity met Oliver he wasn't anything like she expected.

She never thought she would be in a relationship with him. A relationship she wasn't ready to go public. When they finally do can Felicity handle being in the spot as the girl who made Ollie Queen commit or will it all fall apart?

Will Oliver be there with Felicity every step of the way. Hell yes.

CHAPTER ONE

Felicity hated being called up to a higher-ups office to fix simple computer problems that even a child could handle.

However, it wasn't like she could say no when she was requested by the CEO himself.

"He's expecting you. Head on in." Mr. Queen's personal assistant told her. She was an older woman with brown hair just starting to turn gray.

Felicity nodded and pushed the door to Robert Queen's office open.

Mr. Queen wasn't alone. He was seated on an office couch with his son Oliver Queen. Better known to the public as Ollie Queen.

"Mr. Queen, I am from the IT department I was told you are having some problems with your computer." Felicity introduced herself, stepping into the office.

"Ms. Smoak," Robert greeted. "Yes, my computer shut down unexpectedly and there are some files that are missing."

Felicity moved toward his computer, taking a seat in his chair. "I will have them recovered for you right away."

"I'm sure you will," Robert replied. "I have complete faith in your abilities."

Felicity got straight to work. She felt eyes on her but when she looked up she discovered it wasn't Mr. Queen's eyes who was on her but his son's.

Oliver Queen was staring at her openly not even trying to hide his interest.

Felicity tried to ignore him the best she could but it was difficult. It didn't help that Oliver seem more amused than anything.

Felicity did not have the inclination to deal with a silver spoon playboy whose only concern was whose bed he would be in that night.

Once she recovered the files, she informed Mr. Queen.

"Thank you, Miss Smoak." Robert shook her hand. "I apologize that someone with your capabilities had to handle something beneath your talent."

"Thank you, Mr. Queen," Felicity was unsure of how else to respond to his praise and headed for the door but she could still feel eyes on her.

Felicity paused in the doorway looking back at Oliver. Her eyes narrowed into a glare, realizing he was looking at her ass and he smirked in return. Felicity scoffed and left Mr. Queen's office.

Felicity hadn't expected to draw Oliver Queen's eye. She knew nothing good would come of it and she was glad this would be her only encounter with him.

Felicity honestly believed that would be the only time she would see of Oliver personally.

                                                        ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

However, she was wrong.

Felicity looked up from her computer at the sound of someone purposely clearing their throat.

Oliver Queen stood across from her in a pair of faded blue jeans and a dark gray henley. A laptop was tucked underneath his arm.

"Can I help you?" Felicity had to force a polite smile.

"I certainly hope so since I was told you were the person to see."

"By who?" Felicity asked.

"My dad," Oliver said, though he sounded uncertain.

Felicity rolled her eyes. He wasn't fooling anyone. Certainly not her.

"So, what do you need help with?" she looked at his laptop pointedly.

"I was surfing the web and I split a latte on it." Oliver set the laptop on the edge of her desk.

Felicity pulled the device to her. "This looks like you took a hammer to it."

"I would never," Oliver replied however his grin gave him away.

Felicity canted her head and sent him a look. "And why don't I believe you?"

"No idea," Oliver grinned.

Felicity gave a surprised laugh. "Okay, what exactly do you expect me to do with this?"

"Anything you want. I just needed an excuse to talk to you." Oliver replied easily.

"Mission accomplished then. Now if you don't mind I have work to do." Felicity looked at him pointedly. "Real work."

Oliver wanted to protest as she indicated with her hand the door but the no-nonsense look in her eye stopped him. "Right. I'll let you get back to work then."

Felicity waited till he was gone before picking up the laptop, cradling it to her chest whispering soothing words as her fingers caressed the broken frame. "You didn't deserve such horrible treatment."

Unbeknownst to Felicity, Oliver lingered just out of sight listening and finding her completely endearing.

Oliver walked away with a smile determined to come back and see her. He wasn't giving up that easily.

Felicity however was once again under the impression that this would be her last interaction with Oliver Queen.

She couldn't have been more wrong.

Oliver walked confidently down the hallway carrying a cup of coffee from the Starbucks, two blocks around the corner from QC. He had become familiar with the IT floor of QC over the past couple of days than he ever was with any other part of QC.

For two day's he asked around about Felicity, finding out what he could about her from her co-workers.

Once he felt he had gathered just enough information to make some progress, he went to see Felicity.

The smell of coffee permeated the air. Felicity looked up and her eyes widened. Oliver stood in the doorway. A steaming styrofoam cup in his hand.

She sat up straighter pulling her red pen from her mouth. "Oliver."

Oliver was slightly disappointed that she noticed him so soon.

He never knew a woman chewing on a red pen while completely focused on her work could be so sexy and endearing.

"What are you doing here?" Felicity narrowed her eyes accusingly. "You didn't murder a perfectly good laptop again, did you?"

"Murder is a strong word." Oliver grinned.

Felicity glared.

"I come bearing gifts. Chocolate chip muffins and coffee." Oliver stepped forward placing the muffin bag on her desk before holding the drink out to her.

Felicity hesitated. "Why do you come bearing gifts?"

"I wanted to see you and I thought it best not to damage another laptop."

"Murder," Felicity corrected. "Murder an innocent baby."

Oliver nodded solemnly, fighting back a smile. "Sacrifice's have to be made on my mission to get to know you."

Felicity snorted finally excepting the coffee. She took a tentative sip. It was still hot and fresh and to her surprise tasted exactly how she preferred it.

Felicity lifted her eyes to him. "How do you know how I take my coffee?"

"I asked around," Oliver grinned. "I've learned quite a bit about you from your co-workers."

Felicity wasn't too sure about that. She didn't know any of her co-workers that well. What could they really know about her? "Like what?"

"Like how you're the youngest person in the IT Department. You graduated from MIT. You finished your summer of interning. I know you're the one person here who is the most recommended in the company."

"That's all? You could have gotten all that from my resume. You don't know my favorite color. What kind of music I like. My favorite movie, tv-show, book, song. You don't know anything real."

"Well, I was hoping you would tell me over dinner." Oliver's grin turned hopeful.

Felicity's eyes widened at the invitation but she didn't know why she was surprised. Oliver was showing that he was interested in her.

Problem was she wasn't.

Oliver was hot and she would admit he was charming but she wasn't looking to be his flavor of the week or the cover of the tabloids as one of his many bimbos.

So no, she wouldn't go out with him, no matter how ridiculously hot and charming he was.

"Thank you for the gift but no, I won't go to dinner with you."

"No," Oliver repeated dumbfounded. He didn't think he ever been told no by a woman in his life.

There really was a first time for everything.

"Now, if you don't mind I need to get back to work without any more distractions," Felicity said, turning back to her work.

Oliver nodded and walked out of her cubicle feeling thrown and like nothing made sense right now.

Oliver was unsure of how to proceed. He wasn't ready to give up on Felicity but he also didn't want to come off as some creepy stalker and no matter how interested he was he needed to respect her decision.

However, he could not stop thinking about her.

Days past before he finally decided to talk to someone. He met up with Tommy at their favorite Chinese restaurant.

"So, why did you want to get lunch today?" Tommy asked. "I thought we were going to hit the clubs tonight."

"I'm not really feeling the club scene," Oliver admitted.

"And why the hell not?" Tommy asked surprised.

"I met this girl," Oliver started. "and I don't know. I can't get her out of my head."

"All the more reason to go out and have some fun. There are plenty of women out there." Tommy replied with a grin.

"But none of them are her," Oliver protested.

"And what's so special about this one girl?" Tommy questioned skeptically.

"I don't know but when I'm in a room with her it feels different. Natural. It feels like I'm supposed to know her," Oliver responded.

"Then what's the problem?" Tommy questioned.

"The problem is that she doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm not sure if its because she works at QC or if she's just genuinely not interested." Oliver said, uncertain.

"Okay, well, you can't give up if you're not sure," Tommy said.

"And how do you suppose I find out?" Oliver inquired. "She already turned me down."

"Wooing her in secret. Of course." Tommy stated. "Go to her again. Pay attention to the tinest of details. Does she smile at you? Bite her lip? Blush? Is she flattered? Amused? Charmed? Annoyed? Uncomfortable? It's all about expression and body language."

Oliver looked thoughtful. "She did seem to enjoy our back and forth banter."

"There you go. That's a good sign." Tommy grinned. "What's your girl's name?"

"Felicity," Oliver's voice softened, her name rolling off his tongue in its own special way.

"Oh, wow. You really are gone for this girl already." Tommy laughed.

"Why do you say that?" Oliver wondered.

"Because of the way you said her name just now. Like it has its own secret language only you can understand." Tommy grinned.

Oliver flushed at the observation. "You can't be gone for a girl this quickly."  

Tommy ignore his friend's denial and asked, eagerly. "When do I get to meet this girl?"

"Not anytime in the near future," Oliver answered.

"What? Why not?" Tommy all but complained then grinned, teasing. "Don't want her to fall for this perfectly handsome face?"

"Yeah, that's it." Oliver's voice dripped with sarcasm.

Okay, maybe Tommy was right but only a little. His main concern was that meeting Tommy would only make Felicity more reluctant to give him a chance.

Oliver did not want to give Felicity any more reasons not to go out with him.

A/N: I hoping to get more of the chapters for these new stories written before I start posting. I don't have a posting schedule but feedback is always welcomed.

[lumosinlove]

Sweater Weather

part iii

Remus didn’t always have too much time for it, but there was nothing he liked more than sitting on the bench and watching Gryffindor City’s Hogwarts Stadium fill up with red and gold. The waves of chatter got louder and the seats filled, and it was a nice balance to the energy in the locker room as he walked back down the tunnel and through the doors, leaning against the wall with Moody. There, in case they were needed, but out of the way.

Even more than watching the fans, he liked watching the boys get ready. Kasey was down on all fours in a butterfly squat, full-pads making his body look huge and his head look tiny. Leo was down the hall some, throwing two balls against the wall and catching them quickly. Remus’ eyes blurred after watching for a minute and he looked away. Which turned out to be a mistake in itself.

Sirius was sitting in his stall, shirtless and knees spread to accommodate the stick he was taping between them. He didn’t have any of his pads on yet, typical Sirius, who always had to get ready at the last minute because he spent so much time on his stretches and sticks. He was just in his underarmour, the tight material leaving absolutely nothing to imagination. He had a Lions’ hat on backwards and stray strands of hair were sticking out of the front, casting shadows on his cheeks. He stuck his tongue out and wound the tape carefully around the blade of his stick, checking for wrinkles and creases every other turn. James was saying something to him with broad hand gestures, probably a play he wanted to get perfect tonight.

They all wanted to get everything perfect tonight. It was the home opener. The crowd would be wild, and the pressure would be on. Remus loved every second of it and he knew the boys did, too.

James let out a loud whoop then, clapping his hands together and and throwing his helmet on even though his pads were still hanging in his stall. “Let’s fucking go, tonight, eh boys? Durmstrang fuckers won’t know what hit them.”

He was met with a series answering shouts of approval, all of which amplified when Coach Weasley appeared through the locker room doors with the large lion on it. He grinned and held up a little slip of paper, tonight’s line up.

“Pots, since you’re already standing, why don’t you do the honors?” Arthur said, handing James the paper.

James hit his helmet on his head. “Alright, let’s see. Starting tonight,” the boys yelled and James dropped down a little, knees bent and voice low like the commentators, “in the cage,” there was another round of shouts and James wound up his arm and then bounded over to Kasey, “we have the man named for the sport of hockey itself, Kasey Winter.”

There were a series of “Yeah, Kase!” and “Be the fucking blizzard!” before James could continue.

“Next we have…on your left, Harzy!”

Harzy looked up from where he was lacing his skates with a little salute to the cheers.

“On your right,” James smiled around at them all, so wide that Remus could see where one of his outer bottom teeth was still missing, just out of sight. He pressed a hand to his own chest, “yours truly.”

“Alright, Potty-mouth!” Kasey shouted the nickname James had earned himself for his relentless chirping on the ice, name-calling and poking fun until the refs eventually had to call him on it.

“Your favorite D-man pairing, Kaner and our resident Finland-man, Olli!”

Timmy Kane and Olli Halla did some strange, complicated handshake.

“And your center tonight…the man, the myth, the one who holds the record for most marriage proposals by teenage girls at the glass,” Remus laughed at that and James ran back over to Sirius, pretending to take his stick just to see him flinch back, and taking his hat instead and placing it on top of his own helmet, “oh captain, my captain, Sirius mother-fucking Black!”

Everyone clapped a little, Arthur shaking his head fondly and Moody letting James run over and touch his leg for good luck, per tradition, and then it was really business time. There was some calmer chatter as everyone got into their gear and laced up, getting into the right headspace for a game.

Remus rifled through his own inventory in his head, making sure he would be prepared on the bench. He had extra blades for everyone, laces, sterile gauze, and a little box for teeth which he’d learned to keep the hard way (Olli Halla spitting a few directly into his open palm). He took one last look around the locker room before heading back to the mouth of the tunnel at the bench where the guys would pass on their way out for their lap-around introductions under the lights and warm ups. He could see some of the Durmstrang equipment guys over on their bench, and they exchanged nods that were friendly enough. Eagles games were always odd, not just for the competition—they had nothing compared to Lion and Snake games—but because their colors were nearly identical, and so the away-team always had to wear their more solid colored third-jerseys. Remus was glad they were on home-ice, so the Eagles would be the ones stuck in their nearly all goldish-yellow uniform, not the Lions.

Remus looked up at the stands, figuring his parents were out there somewhere, trying to keep Julian at bay, who was no doubt in his BLACK jersey and bouncing out of his shoes with excitement. At nine years old, Remus sometimes wondered if his little brother was a bigger Lions fan than even him, despite living halfway across the country from them.

He had a sudden fantasy of bringing Jules back to the locker room and Sirius being there, maybe James, too, and Sirius would give Jules a hockey stick maybe, and then smile at Remus—

“What’s with the face?”

Remus started, looking at Moody who had brought out the fresh bottles of gatorade and water.

“What? What face? Nothing.” Remus reached forward and started to help him line the bench with them. “I wasn’t making a face.”

“Alright, at ease.” Moody laughed a little. “Jeez, Lupin.”

Remus desperately tried to change the subject, “How’s the lucky leg?”

Moody scoffed, giving it a stomp. “It’s been kissed by Harzy, that’s what. Fucking crazy-ass.”

Remus laughed and sat down on the bench, looking up towards the jumbo-screen where they were showing a video of a few of the guys saying what they did that summer. James was on, giving a typically sarcastic answer. Something about hamburgers. When Sirius’ faces came on next there was a positive roar from the crowd and Remus felt flushed with their enthusiasm. Gryffindor loved their Captain, and they were just as eager to avenge him as the team was. It was pretty fucking thrilling to sit and watch it all, but if he could, Remus would be out there on the ice, fighting to get Sirius ever goal and point he could. He pushed that thought down just as the lights shut off and the music stopped, signaling the beginning of the Lions’ entry onto the ice, their first of the season. Remus’ heart pounded.

“Gryffindor!” boomed Frank Longbottom’s voice, one of their beloved announcer. Frank came with the team on the road, along with Marlene McKinnon. Butts and Kinzy were well loved by the team, and, maybe unfortunately for them, the subjects of many pranks, but Remus was sure they loved the boys’ attention as much as he himself did. The crowed boomed back in response and then the jumbo-screen bloomed to life, along with the lights and the lasers that streaked across the crowd and ice.

“Are you ready?” Frank asked the stadium, and then the jumbo-screen started counting down from ten with loud booms that quickly developed into a bass-heavy song.

“Ten��nine…” Remus found himself smiling, mumbling the numbers under his breath.

“Your Gryffindor Lions!” Frank drew out the words and the lights went crazy as the boys appeared down the tunnel.

Kasey came first, goalie mask propped on top of his head as he skated out onto the ice. Then Timmy, Finn, Leo…Olli, Brady, Evgeni, Kris, Tyler…

They all looped around the rink, warming up and pounding on the glass, laughing when the crowd pounded back. Remus liked watching the rookies the most, their eyes alight with the attention and praise.

And finally James, always second to last, and then Sirius, always last. Remus watched him come all the way down the tunnel, just in time for his name to be read out by Frank. Sirius raised his glove and knocked it into a few of the kid’s fists who had made it down by the glass, before scampering back up to their parents, delighted with having received a fist-bump.

Remus didn’t expect Sirius to look back at him, but for the split second between him being beside the bench and him being on the ice, their eyes met. And Sirius dropped a wink. And he was gliding away, dropping to one knee as he went and raising his stick a little, drawing screams from the crowd. They were happy to have him back. Sirius was cocky, and Remus didn’t like to admit that he loved that, but he did.

Sirius belonged on the ice, that much had always been clear, and when he wasn’t there, something was out of gear. Everything felt settled now, ready.

The lights came up after a bit and then Eagles filtered on, too, taking shots at their goalie. Victor Krum crossed center ice and met Sirius where he was talking to James, offering a somewhat stiff hand. Sirius smiled, so Remus guessed he had welcomed him back. The Eagles were good like the Snakes, but they weren’t assholes like they were. Remus watched Sirius pluck at Krum’s shoulder, no doubt chirping him for the bright yellow color, and Krum laughed, nudging him back and skating away.

Kasey was busy nesting his goal, scraping up the crease with his long goalie skate blades and catching the boys’ practice shots. Remus watched him for a minute, always enjoying how specific and protective Kasey was of his goal (he patted his posts whenever a puck got knocked askew by one, for god’s sake), but soon his attention was—predictably—dragged away by Sirius. Sirius had a routine, a strict routine, and there was few things Remus loved more than watching him go through it. Remus wasn’t sure he even knew about all of it, but he wanted to. He knew Sirius had to tape his own sticks, do specific stretches in a specific order, had to put his left skate on first, and during warm-ups he had to trace the Lions logo with a puck. He knew Sirius liked to have two pieces of toast with butter and honey an hour before games. Remus wished he knew more, secretly. He wanted to know how long Sirius’ pre-game nap was and what he looked like when he woke up from it—

“Earth to Remus Lupin.”

Remus’ slowly spiraling fantasy was abruptly cut off by James waving a glove in his face.

“What?” Remus stood up. “Sorry, what’s up, what do you need? James, face-off’s in like two seconds, you’re on first shift.”

“I just want some gatorade and it’s all red.” James practically pouted.

Remus huffed out a laugh and handed him a blue, shifting to the side as the other team members shuffled down the bench, coach Weasley slapping a few of them on the back. “There, now go!”

James whooped and skated off to take his position. Sirius was at center ice, eye to eye with Krum, the ref between them with the puck. They crouched, eyes on the puck, and Remus said a soft prayer to whatever god anyone could believe in.

The ref dropped the puck, and the game began.

Remus was on his feet the entire time. He was meant to be watching for any trip-ups, any hard hits, anything that might need to be looked at. Instead, he kept catching himself just enjoying the game, standing behind the bench. Sirius came careening over the boards, tapping Brady’s butt as he jumped onto the ice to replace him, and sat down heavily in front of Remus. He turned, sweat dripping down his temples.

“iPad,” he said, and one of the assistant coaches held it out to him. Sirius stayed turned, brow intense as he watched a replay of his latest shift, and so Remus got to study his profile. He loved Sirius in the heat of a game, loved how fast he talked. He leaned over to explain something to Olli, who leaned in like if he didn’t catch every word, he’d parish. Everyone on the team tended to listen to Sirius like that, like he was their leader through thick and thin.

“How’m I doing?” Sirius said as he handed the iPad back. Remus assumed he was talking to the coaches until Sirius’ eyes fell on him.

“Me?” Remus asked—stupidly.

Sirius smiled, “You.”

“You look great out there. You know you look great out there.”

James laughed, whacking Remus lightly in the stomach with his glove. “Way to call him on it, Loops.” Then the whole bench leaned back as Brady shoved an Eagles player nearly over the boards and into the bench. The crowd loved it, and James banged his stick on the boards after them. “Way to go, Shady-Brady!”

They were gone shortly after that, Coach calling for short shifts for the end of the first period.

“Keep ‘em coming boys, keep this lead!” he was shouting.

The Lions were up 3-1, and the atmosphere was electric. Remus loved this. It was the closest thing to being on top of the world there was, he thought. Suddenly, Sirius was on a breakaway up the ice off of a clean pass from Harzy. He skirted around number 16, number 3, with hard edges, and then he was nearly at the net—

Krum came out of nowhere, slamming Sirius into the boards.

Remus was on his feet in a second, pressing up behind Tyler and Evgeni on the bench.

It was a clean hit, but it felt like ages before Sirius got up. Remus didn’t even watch Krum take the puck, didn’t watch Kasey miss it, didn’t watch their goal-horn light up, didn’t watch the scoreboard change to read 3-2. He didn’t watch the Eagles celebrate.

He watched Sirius skate towards the bench. It was just for a shift change, but Remus looked over every part of him, checking for a limp, a wince, anything. He looked okay. James was on him in a second, skating shoulder to shoulder and talking to him. Sirius was nodded, even smiling a little, but Remus could tell he was shaken. To have something like that happen in the first game, and when he’d just gotten back…

The stadium filled with booing that felt like it shook the walls.

Sirius took his seat on the bench, but before Remus could get through his teammates and to him, the buzzer signaling the end of the first period was sounding and everyone was filing off the ice and back into the locker room. Good, Remus thought. He’d ask to see Sirius, he’d check him out fully, just to be safe.

Marlene was waiting for Coach at the end of the tunnel.

“Hey Arthur, who can we have for media?” she asked.

“Not Black,” Remus stepped in, “I want to check that hit.”

Coach nodded, “right. You can have Pots, or Kasey, I think.”

Marlene nodded and shot Remus a smile, which he returned tightly as he pushed between them and into the locker room. Sirius looked up at him almost immediately, like he had been waiting.

Remus only had to jerk his head towards the quiet and training rooms, before Sirius was getting up and following him. Remus held the door open to the quiet room. It was technically for concussion testing and protocol, and Remus hadn’t seen Sirius hit his head, but better safe than sorry. Sirius stepped inside and Remus closed the door.

“How do you feel?” Remus asked, then pointed to the padded observation table. “Sit there. I’m going to check your ankle and your head.”

“Loops—”

“Does anything else hurt?”

“Remus.”

Remus looked up.

Sirius loomed over him anyway, but he practically towered over him while wearing skates. Remus nearly had to crane his neck.

“What?” Remus asked, a little breathlessly.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “It wasn’t a bad hit.”

“I know. But given your recent history I want to make sure everything’s fine.”

Sirius sat down on the bench and took his helmet off, laying it to the side along with his gloves while Remus bent to start unlacing his skates. Remus’ heart was still pounding, and Sirius’ gray desperate eyes filled his head. He wouldn’t be helpless this time. He’d fixed Sirius’ broken bone, and he wouldn’t let anything go amiss, not now.

“Durmstrang’s always a tough one to call, eh? Sometimes they’re brilliant and sometimes they’re…”

“Angry?” Remus supplied, carefully sliding Sirius’ skates off of his feet before rising.

Sirius laughed a little, “Yeah. For sure, yeah.”

“Look here.” Remus held up a small flashlight and a finger. Sirius looked, but right at Remus, not his finger. A small smile was still lingering on his face. “My finger, Black.”

Sirius laughed again but obeyed this time.

“When’s your birthday?”

“November third.” Sirius supplied easily.

“When is Pots’ birthday?”

“March twenty-seventh. When’s your birthday, Re?”

Remus chest fluttered a little. He clicked off the flashlight, satisfied. “March tenth.”

“Hey, you and James are birthday-buddies.”

Remus rolled his eyes, “Raise your arms. Touch your—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Sirius obediently brought his fingers to his nose and back out again a few times, then, without prompt, got up and walked in a straight line, toe to heel, and turned and looked at Remus expectantly.

Remus narrowed his eyes at him. “And your ankle? Tell me the truth.”

“Fine.” Sirius smiled and sat down in one of the chairs in the room to start getting his skates back on. “Really, Loops, I’m alright. It probably looked worse than it was.”

“It took you a bit to get up.”

Sirius shrugged down at his laces, digging his heel in to pull them tight, “I’ll admit, I was a little surprised. It’s the first real time I got hit since…you know. Since Snape. But you said it yourself,” He looked up at Remus then, sweat damp hair falling into his eyes a little, cheeks flushed, “can’t let the fear get to me, can I?”

Remus swallowed dryly. “Right. Yeah.” He watched Sirius until he was standing again and pulling his gloves back on, tucking his helmet beneath his arm. “Right, right. Sorry.” He opened the door, “Have a good second period, okay?”

Sirius paused beside him in the doorway, tall as ever with his skates back on and looking down at Remus. “Hey.”

Remus looked up at him. Sirius had a funny expression on his face, something soft and determined.

“Don’t ever say sorry for helping me,” Sirius’ voice was low when he said the words.

Remus caught one last glimpse of the odd expression, and then Sirius was gone, enveloped back into the energetic mass of the team.

They won 5-3, Sirius with three points, two goals and one assist, in the second and third period.

The locker room was ecstatic afterwards, and Remus was kneeling to tape up Kasey’s thigh for him when Arthur came out with the lion head. The lion head was this seasons team token, of sorts, an object that got past around the locker room after every game, depending on who played best that night. For the first game of the season, Coach was the one who handed it out. After that it would go from player to player. This year, the object looked like an overly-furry lion-mane and nose, maybe from some poor, cotton stuffed animal, sewed onto a baseball cap. Remus grimaced just looking at it. He didn’t want to think about how sweaty and disgusting that thing was going to become by the end of the season.

“Great game, boys. Great start to the beginning of the season.” There were some cheering and Arthur smiled, waving his hand, “As you know, it is my pride and joy making our season tokens.”

“What section of the wall is last year’s going on?” James said, making everyone laugh. Arthur’s creation last year had been a monstrous blend between a gladiator helmet that had a yarn lion tale glued to the back of it.

“Front and center, thanks for asking.” Coach said. “This year, we have…”

Kasey started a drumroll which the entire locker room eventually joined in on.

“Lion-cap. Gorgeous, isn’t he?” Arthur held it up. “And tonight…I’ve got to give it to the captain, don’t I?”

“Yeah you do!” James pounded the wall of his stall with his fist.

“Quite a hit, and beauties of goals. Sirius.”

Sirius laughed as he walked forward, just his underarmour on again, and put the hat on, crouching into a ridiculous pose so that James could take a picture. He looked hilarious in it, the mane fluffing out around his ears and the nose resting on the brim.

“Thanks, Coach.” He said, and then handed it off to Remus for safe keeping, per tradition. Remus was always put in charge of bring the token on roadies, and keeping track of who got it when.

Remus felt his phone buzz in his pocket and was pulled abruptly from the bubble of the team when he saw his mom’s name flash up. He slapped a hand to Kasey’s shoulder, telling him he was done, and slipped out of the locker room to answer.

“Hey, mum.”

“Hi, baby. Great game!”

“It was,” Remus smiled. “I’ll be right out to get you guys and we can get ice cream or something. I just have to—”

“Remus?”

Remus pressed the phone to his shoulder, turning on his heel back to the locker room. Sirius was standing there, head poking out and smiling a smile that looked almost—shy.

“Yeah? Hold on, mum—Sorry, can I help?”

“Bring them back,” Sirius said.

“Huh?”

Sirius rolled his eyes, “Your family. Bring them back, show them the locker room and stuff.”

“Oh.” Remus’ heart beat. He would love that. Julian would freak out. “Oh, I don’t want—”

“C’mon, the boys would love it. We can sign a jersey and stuff, or a stick.”

Remus’ mouth hung open for a minute before he heard himself say, “okay,” and Sirius grinned before retreating. Remus didn’t move until he heard his mom’s voice in his ear. He blinked a few times and raised his phone back up. “Hey, mum, do you want to…would you guys want to come back to the locker room?”

And so here Remus was, his parents and Jules in toe, walking down the all too familiar hallway.

Julian bounced up beside Remus, both hands around his arm. “Are we going to meet Sirius?”

Remus smiled, “probably.”

“Are we going to meet Pots?”

“Yep, him too.”

“Blizzard?”

Remus laughed, “I think you could meet Kasey, sure.”

“Can I take a picture with them?”

“If you say please,” Remus said, because it was definitely what his mom would say. Once they reach the locker room doors, he looked back at his parents. Both were wearing BLACK jerseys, which Remus found unbearably endearing and also slightly embarrassing now that Sirius knew how Remus felt about him as a hockey player. There was no doubt he was going to think Remus had had sway over his parents’ jersey choice. His dad was clutching his phone excitedly to his chest, and Remus couldn’t think why he hadn’t asked to do this sooner. He was glad Sirius had said something, and he’d make sure to tell him thank you later.

“Ready?” He asked.

“Ready, ready, open the doors!” Julian whisper-yelled.

The sound wave once Remus did hit them like a wall, and Remus heard Jules quiet down a little, maybe with nerves as the reality that this was actually happening set in, and Remus turned around to put a comforting hand on his back. He could see that the media was just leaving out the press door, which Remus was thankful for because it meant that none of the players would be surrounded by cameras. He didn’t want this to look like a photo-op.

He made eye contact with Sirius almost immediately, and tried to smile in a way that didn’t look like he expected Sirius to come over or anything. Sirius had a routine, and that included winding down. He looked like he was about to leave for his twenty minute cool down on one of the stationary bikes, and Remus didn’t want to interrupt that. But then Sirius was grinning and motioning them over.

“Oh.” Julian said softly from beside Remus, and Remus patted his head softly and motioned for his parents to follow him over to Sirius’ stall.

Sirius stood when they got there, grinning warmly.

“Who’s this?” Sirius asked, holding his fist out for a dumbstruck Julian to bump.

“These are my parents, Hope and Lyall, and this is Julian, my brother.” Remus said, smiling a little at Jules’ expression. His heart was pounding. “Say hi, Jules.”

“Hi Padfoot. I mean—” Julian flushed.

Sirius laughed. “You can call me Padfoot if I can call you Jules. You play hockey, bud?”

Julian nodded frantically, “yeah, I’m a center, too.”

“Nice.” Sirius raised his eyes briefly to Remus’ parents and held out his hand for them to shake, “Hi, I’m Sirius.” As if they didn’t know, as if they weren’t wearing his last name on their backs, “Did you all enjoy the game?”

“That was such a nasty hit on you.” Julian said, eyes going from Sirius’ face to his locker to his pads to his stick.

“It was, wasn’t it?”

“Oh, we hope you’re alright.” Hope said with a very motherly disapproving frown.

Sirius nodded and, to Remus’ surprise, threw an arm around Remus’ shoulder. “Your son took care of me. Remus takes the best care of us, right James?”

James had come over with a protein bar hanging out of his mouth, but took a bite and chewed quickly when he put together who he was speaking to.

“Jesus f—” He looked at Julian whose eyes were practically hearts. “Hi,” James said again, laughing a little at himself, “you must be Loops’ parents.” James looked down at Julian again, “And older brother, I presume? What’s up, man? Here to try out?”

“Yeah.” Julian said softly, clearly barely able to think, and they all laughed.

Remus, on the other hand, was much to pre-occupied with Sirius’ arm which, having slid away from his shoulders, was now briefly a warm, pressing weight between his shoulder blades, before it disappeared completely as he slapped the seat of his stall.

“Well I’m certainly not going to have a spot on this team if you’re playing, so you might as well take a seat. Let’s see, what will he need to be a Lion, Pots?”

James crossed his arms, pretending to think hard. “Jersey, definitely.”

“Oh, two, I’d say.” Sirius added, “And a couple sticks, don’t you think?”

Julian, now seated snuggly in Sirius’ stall, was red-cheeked with happiness.

“On it.” James said, and winked at Remus as he left to get a few of his and Sirius’ jerseys and sticks to sign.

Sirius on the other hand, crouched down to Julian’s level. “Hey, Jules, do you know how awesome your brother is?”

Julian grinned up at Remus, then back at Sirius. “Yeah.”

Sirius nodded back, “He does practically everything for us. Gets us new skate blades, makes sure we have what we need on the road, keeps us healthy.” Then Sirius looked at him with a similarly fond and happy expression that Julian was wearing, and Remus felt a little like he might cry which would be completely and utterly embarrassing. “He’s pretty great.”

Remus felt his own cheeks flush. “Okay, okay, thanks.”

Hope laughed from beside him, squeezing him in a one armed hug. “Never could take a compliment, could you, Re?”

“That was a lot of compliments.” Remus laughed, running a hand through his hair. He couldn’t stop looking at Sirius and Sirius wasn’t looking away.

Remus felt like he was back in Sirius’ car, unsure what it all meant.

“Hey, did you know I’m your brother’s favorite player?” Sirius asked Jules.

“You’re mine, too! We both have your jersey!”

Remus flushed and had to look away from Sirius and his raised eyebrows then, pretending to watch James come back across the locker room with the gear. He didn’t want to hear what Sirius had to say about that.

James and Sirius were both at Julian’s level for a good fifteen minutes, signing things, taking pictures, and talking hockey. Kasey even came over before leaving to sign the jerseys and offer one of his own sticks. Remus didn’t know how Julian was going to carry it all.

His parents eventually left for their hotel with promises to meet him for breakfast the next morning and their favorite pancake spot—really everyone’s favorite pancake spot—in Gryffindor. Remus watched them walk back to their car until they turned out of view, smiling to himself at Jules’ insistence that he carry all three sticks and wear both jerseys at once.

Remus stopped by the exercise room on his way back to lock up the office for the night and, as expected, Sirius was there. He looked fresh off the bike and was on one of the mats, stressing his fingers towards his toes. Remus knocked lightly.

“Hey,” Sirius said with a grin.

“Hi.” Remus walked in a few more paces and leaned against one of the treadmills, scuffing the toe of his sneaker against the floor softly. “I don’t want to interrupt you or anything, but I just wanted to thank you. For earlier. You—You really made my little brother’s life, there. He loves you guys.”

Sirius stood, dusting off his leggings and picked up his water bottle from the floor. “I hope he’s not the only one.”

Remus bit back a smile, and his heart clenched. If only Sirius knew what he was saying.

“Of course,” was all Remus could think of to reply.

“You’re family seems great, Re. Really.”

“They are,” Remus replied before he thought about what that statement probably meant, coming from Sirius. Sirius who didn’t have a family like that. Remus felt guilt and the want to strangle anyone who didn’t love Sirius properly swirl in his chest. Sirius deserved so much. Look what he would do for just one kid who he never even met, for Remus, who he barely knew outside of his work.

“I’m headed out soon.” Sirius said. “Do you need a ride?”

Remus shook his head, “Moody said he’d drive me.”

Even though everything in him was screaming at him to lie and say yes, he didn’t want to explain that to Moody.

“Ah.” Sirius said, nodding. He looked, if not disappointed, something like it. “Okay. Well, let me know, eh? Any time.”

“Thanks, Sirius.” Remus was aware of how soft his voice sounded, but there wasn’t much he could do about it with Sirius’ gray eyes on him.

Sirius smiled, a soft and lopsided thing, and Remus’ heart flipped in his chest. As Sirius left for the showers, Remus got back to his desk. On it, was a hat.

It was a Lions hat, red with gold piping and the gold lion. On the bill, in the gold sharpie that the team used for signing, was a messily scrawled message and a signature. Sirius’ signature, complete with the number twelve.

I’m glad I’m your favorite, it read.

(A/N: Ah, slowly but surely....:)

[thebrandings]

How would all the ROs react if the MC gets hurt (not necessarily dying but wouldn't oppose to it because we love A N G S T) because they're trying to protect the ROs?

Hello! I wrote about the MC dying because I am a fellow angst fan! I may not have really put an emphasis on the MC doing it to protect the MC because at the moment it doesn’t matter to the ROs, the fact that the MC is hurt and dying is the only thing that they care about. Though after the reality settles in and the battle is won, they’ll all feel very much at fault and will each handle it differently.

Thank you for the fun ask and I hope you enjoy it!

Lily/Ollie/Oliver (She/They/Him)“L-lovey?” She asks, her voice catching in her throat as she watches your body fall to the ground with a painful thud. Heart stilled, she immediately reaches out to you and you can feel her body begin to shake as she holds onto you as a lifeline.

“You’re okay. You’re gonna be okay, lovey.” She whispers in your ear, tears already streaming down her cheeks at a fast rate though she quickly wipes it away when she notices you staring. “You’ve survived worse. You’ll get up. I j-just know you will.” She smiles painfully, tightening her hold on you as if her raw strength will keep you with her. Inwardly, she nods, reassuring herself. She’s seen some of your worse moments back in the cell. You’ve been knocked out before and like always, you’ll get up. You have to.

“Why’d you do that, MC?” She asks innocently, although deep inside she already knew the answer. After all, she’d do the same for you. She burrows her face in your neck, sobbing harshly into you, her soft hands fisting tightly into your top. “Why!” She shouts, her tear-stained face staring upwards to glare at you. She continues to stare at you, unbeknown to the people slowly advancing towards you, weapons drawn. Flaring with unstable emotions, her blue wall though not called on from her, begins to build up, seemingly feeding off her strong feelings towards you. The blue wall flashes with color, first red, next dark blue, and then finally black.

The advancers raise to attack but her blue wall immediately backs into defense. They swing their weapons towards it, though upon making contact with the wall, it immediately flings them back with an strong, unseeable force.

“Why.” Lily whispers, harshly rubbing her face with her hand, her voice becoming strangled as if she were the one dying; the battle long forgotten in her mind. You slowly close your eyes, the will in your body quickly diminishing. “L-lovey.” She says, her voice becoming completely broken and utterly hopeless. She squeezes your hand as you drift off before looking up and glaring at the monster who killed you. Her everything.

Victoria/Tor/Vick (She/They/Him)He stares at you in slow motion as you fall down, already waiting for you to get up and smile at him. This was just like a book he read; a romantic one he continued to reread and enjoy. He was very emotional with books though he’d never admit it. And just like the book, someone gets hurt but at this moment it didn’t fell like a book at all, it felt real. Too real, indeed. He looks at you, waiting for you to get up. You’d get up, he thought. just like the character did and kick ass. Or maybe he’d rush you to the hospital, where you’d wake up. It didn’t matter to him, just as long as you got up.

But you weren’t getting up. In fact, you’re weren’t even moving. He crouches down, his head tilted in genuine confusion. “MC?” He asks, his voice already beginning to take on a higher pitch as his worse reality begins to form right in front of his eyes. He jostles your shoulder, but still no movement. “MC?” He repeats, his worry steadily increasing as time passes. Quickly, yet gently he grabs you; already rushing to find someone, anyone that can help.

“Aila!” He shouts, drawing onlookers but he continues to run. “Chris!” He yells, searching for someone but in his state of mind, he sees no one. Eventually, he stops running, his fatigue collapsing as he continued to look for help, and stares at you in his arms.

“M-MC?” He whispers, realization finally dawning on him. He tightens his hold on you before falling down on his knees. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, MC.” He whispers, tears flowing down his cheeks as he caresses your face. “Why?” He says, looking up at the clouds; hopelessly searching for a miracle. “Why does everyone I love die?”

He gently passes you to one of the nurses running around. “I swear, if their body isn’t still here by the time I get back.” He threatens, a dark look overcoming his face. He sighs, deciding to leave it at that and heads back to where the battle was being fought. He had lost someone important to him, again. And he was going to do the same thing he had, then. He was going to make sure they didn’t die in vain but first there was someone specific on his list.

Christine/Chris/Chris (She/They/Him)Chris swings their arm up in their air, a raised fist pump. “We did it, MC. I knew we’d make a good time.” They say, finally turning around to look at you. But they don’t see you. “MC?” They ask bewildered, still looking around, side to side, for you. They notice a form and immediately their heart skips a beat in fear before they shake their head.

That’s not you, it couldn’t be, but the clothes are the same. They slowly walk towards you, in fear. They raise their shaking hand to their mouth as they catch sight of your face. “W-when…” They trail off, falling down to their knees beside you. They grip their fists, their power beginning to show as a gold tint lights up their eyes.

Your hand twitches, as if you could sense them. They immediately calm down, afraid they’d hurt you. “This is my fault, isn’t it?” They ask, a tear trailing its way downwards. They sigh, smashing their fist down towards the ground in anger. Immediately, they curse at the pain though as they stare at the blood beginning to flow from the cuts, they smile painfully.

“I’m such an idiot. I loved-love you, you know.” They mumble, glancing at your body before laying down next to it. They shiver at your body’s coldness and emotionless eyes. “This is the part where you say you love me too and we live happily ever after.”

They continue to lie down with you, as if a battle wasn’t currently being fought. They spot something in the corner of their eye and instantly move to protect your body. The blade strikes them instead and a fire begins to burn in their eyes. “What do you say, sweet pea?” They laugh humorously, stalking towards their now retreating prey. “Should I kill them quickly or painfully.” They ask, staring at your body as if it were going to reply. They turn back to the attacker, almost in glee while taking the knife out of their side. “Painfully it is then.“ 

Fable (She/They/Him)Fable rushes at you, capturing you in his arms right before you fall to the ground. He glares at the retreating figure not even finding the desire to hunt them down while you lay there, hurt. “Are you okay?” He asks, turning all his attention towards you with a vulnerable look in his eye.

“Don’t speak.” He softly instructs once he notices you try to struggle to. He gently lays his grips his hand around your wrist, his eyes roaming all over your injuries. He sags in defeat, already knowing that there’s no way you’re coming back from this. Yet he still tries, shouting out orders to the people still fighting. “I need a first aid kit!” He growls, forcibly grabbing the supplies before they can hand it to him.

“It’s okay, MC. You’re gonna be fine.” He reassures, meeting your eyes; a new level of determination and desperation entering his posture. “I’m gonna make sure of it.” He hesitates, his face scrunching up in sadness before injecting you with a needle. Immediately, you begin to struggle, horrid memories appearing in your mind but soon you start to feel relaxed, tired even.

Your eyes stare at him as he continues to work on you though eventually, his movements start to slow down and he stares at you; tears rolling down his face. “I’m sorry.” He mutters, placing his forehead against yours, his tears starting to rain down on your face. “Please stay.” He whimpers, shaking his head in denial. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. So please stay for me; for us.” He reaches for your hand, squeezing it gently before shaking his head again.

“I’m sorry, was that selfish?” He looks at you, a small obviously forced smile expressed on his face. “I guess I’ll have to be selfish this one time.” He sniffles, his whole posture vulnerable as he leans into you, one more time.

Aila (She)Her whole attention immediately shifts from the battle as she catches sight of your fall, her inhumane speed allowing her to grabs you before you endure more damage and pain. “Darling.” She says, her breath forcibly taken out of her as you land on her. She quickly takes notice of your faint, almost silent pulse; her own starting to mimic yours and she stares at you in disbelief and denial. Hastily, she looks around her surroundings, her eyes catching sight of the one who bravely attacked you.

Her teeth bare and she swiftly takes a knife from another member of the dead, instantly taking aim at the person’s head. Although, not the best at combat, the knife connects and Aila watches with sadness as the person falls. She turns back to you, her expression breathtakingly calm and full of regret. “I’m sorry, darling. I just took you from one hell to another, didn’t I?” She whispers, her hand playing with your hair.

“It’s okay.” She coos, somehow beginning to lay down on the ground with you secured safely on top of her. “I’ll keep you safe.” She murmurs, her eyes beginning to tear up though against all odds, she manages to keep them from spilling. She knew she she shouldn’t have fallen in love with you but she did. She cursed herself, did her feelings cause this? She clenched her eyes shut. She didn’t want to regret it but if not being involved with you would have kept you alive, she can’t help but curse everything.

No, she wouldn’t spend her last moments with you like this. She wouldn’t regret anything but not being able to save you. “I love you, darling. I always will.” She whispers, kissing you last one time on the forehead. “I’m so s-sorry.” She mumbles, her whole body beginning to shake as the cries she tried so hard to keep in begin to escape.

Hayden (They)They turn around immediately cutting down the person who dared lay a hand on you. “No!” They shout, once they finally turn to you, already lost before they could hold you one more time. They curse themselves, rushing over to your body; no one daring to attack them.

“MC.” They say, skidding to a stop right beside your body. They fall on their hands, collecting cuts along the way though their attention is solely focused on you. “You idiot.” They curse, although their tone is soft. Way softer than usual. “I’m supposed to protect you, that’s my job, my responsibility; not yours.” They say, their hand cradling your head as they try and stop their tears from flowing.

“Why?” They ask, their voice quiet and will broken. “I’m nobody important, not compared to you anyway.” They say, shaking their head at you. They sniffle, their eyes closed in denial. “Aila’s going to kill you if you die.” They laugh painfully at the irony. “She’ll kill me too.” They say, opening their eyes to stare into your unmoving ones. “That’s why you did this, right? So I wouldn’t die? It’ll all turn to waste; so that’s why you have to live.” They say, though they don’t even make sense to themself.

Is this what I’ll become without them? A crazed lunatic? No, they think shaking their head. A heartbroken mess? “Please, MC? I promise I won’t be so overbearing and protective.” They lie, knowing that if the MC somehow miraculously made it, they’d be on them like moths on light.

They place their sword next to your body, reluctantly getting up. “I’m sorry.” They part, walking back towards the battle; injuring everyone who gets in their way and not glancing back as they feel their heart break in two. They feel a tear slide down their face but they advance onwards, feeling nothing as they continue their hunt.

[jackshithere]

How would you describe each of the Rammstein members to someone who knew nothing about them?

Oh man… If we’re being honest, you don’t really start with the juicy bits (that keep making people come for more) if it’s someone who really doesn’t know anything about them. But I will try to make this as newbie-friendly as possible, and add enough simple details to maybe explain the level of fanatic adoration for them. (But I must admit that 1- this will be loooong as fuck and 2- I fangirl about them for their professionalism, so it won’t be as humorous as one might hope)

I’ll do a collection of posts later throughout the week tagged “Rammstein glossary” about each member, maybe get other blogs on board, but I’ll keep this exclusively newbie friendly, if a tad bit too long 

Ok, so, first things first. Facts you can gleam from any wikipedia, with a little introduction on the side.

There are 6 members of the band:

Till Lindemann - the singer, the poet and a professional pyromaniac

He’s an intimidating man, with tall frame and a build of a panzer tank. Till commands the stage with incredibly rich baritone voice and penchant for being set on fire, or carrying big ass flame throwers.

Matter of fact is he’s shy, introverted, doesn’t like being stared at (hence the fire, to distract from his form) and is a soft spoken, polite man - also, his speaking voice is much much softer and gentler. People generally find him fascinating for this paradoxical character.

Richard Z. Kruspe - the guitarist and founder of Rammstein

He is..how do I put this? The typical artist. Diva and control freak, plagued by doubt and striving for perfection, which all make for one hard man to work with. Richard is somewhat of a Tumblr’s sweetheart. He’s aware of those traits, and the most talkative of the group - especially about his mental health, and the problems he faced. Which means people often relate to him, and he’s genuinely a kind and engaging conversationalist, so there are a lot of his interviews to be found online.

Also, it helps that he’s easy on the eyes, let’s be real. Also, he’s a natural meme inducer. Everything that man does and say is meme-able as shit.

Paul Landers - the other guitarist

Always smiling and extraordinarily exuberant, he’s seen as the most approachable and somewhat of a goofball of the group, always up to some antics in the background. He’s the shortest and openly the silliest of the group, so Paul does sometimes get a bit.. infantilized by some fans.

He’s got an unexpectedly rich singing voice, and he’s probably a bit of a control freak himself. For a guy that talks a lot, he doesn’t share personal details as often as Richard, so he’s also somewhat of an unexplored entity. He used to be in a previously successful punk band “Feeling B” with Flake

Christian “Flake” (fla-keh) Lorenz - the keyboardist

This is all you need to know about him. Joking. He’s extremely tall, lanky and born with a soul of a cranky old man. He was with Paul in the previously mentioned band.

He’s.. how do I describe him.. I think he’s the only member you have to go anecdotal to explain him. When they play live, he has a treadmill that he paces on during the entire concert because he gets bored easily. Flake has this sort of… interpretive giraffe-being-tazed-by-electric-fence dance that he does. He’s …somehow he’s the craziest of the group, I really have no vanilla explanation for him. If you get into Rammstein, you’ll get it.

Oliver Riedel - bassist

True to the stereotype about bassists, he’s tall as fuck, quiet and people forget he exists most of the time. Ollie is the youngest of them all, extremely private, and generally a sweetheart. There really isn’t a lot to be said about him - he’s the outdoors-y, athletic type and he also joins in on Paul and Schneider’s antics.

That’s how you do proper crowd surfing

Christoph “Doom” Schneider - the drummer

The sassiest of the bunch. I would categorize him as an extrovert, but a very well contained one. He prefers being called by his last name, though the Doom nickname came from the time he needed a name for the German copyright agency (Christoph Schneider is like John Smith of Germany), and he was suggested by Paul to use Doom, because they like the game. Incredibly confident, but also quite silly man.

In one video, he was dressed as a woman - often referred to as Frau Schneider - and he did it so well (uptight mannerisms, pursed lips, sitting posture that would bring Petunia Dudley to tears all packed in a shockingly beautiful face - I mean, look at him!) that it’s now a part of the live show for him to appear with make up and a wig.

Now, the band, Rammstein.Let’s skip the things you’ll find out from a quick read through of wikipedia, like the name, when they were founded, and all that, instead let’s go for:

What genre are they even?

What songs would you recommend a first time listener?

Why are they so well liked?

What’s so special about them?

The debate about the genre is still on going. You have people claiming they are metal band, you got the German Neue Deutsche Härte genre, you got… tons. Best way to describe, if you want to go for a solid genre label, is Alternative Hard Rock - because they are not really a metal band. But if you’re aiming for the heart of it, it’s Industrial. It’s “abrasive and aggressive fusion of rock and electronic music, with a side dash of punk”. More on their style later.

For a newbie, you got different types:

Not a fan of metal or hard rock at all - If you want to go for easier sounds, where Till’s vocal’s are more prominent, and the instruments are not as aggressively in your face, I recommend Amour for an easy introduction to his vocal style, Ohne Dich, Rosenrot and then Seemann and Mutter

Preferes rock to metal - Amerika, Mein Land, Ich Will

Fine with metal, but generally sticks to upbeat songs - Ich Tu Dir Weh, Weisses Fleisch, Haifisch and Du Riechst So Gut

Open to metal, but prefers the gothic or more alternative genres - Mein Herz Brennt, Engel, Rammstein 

Metal (take it with a grain of salt, not everyone would call it metal, but the sound is hardest in these) - Mann Gegen Mann, Mein Teil and …Benzin? hesitant on the last one

Of course, this is purely my suggestion, and some won’t agree with this classification, but I think it’s a solid introduction to them. Also if you can convince a friend not to watch the video until they hear the song first, I think that would make it somewhat easier to get them into it (because hey, you made them listen to it twice, and they are watching a video so not as focused and they’ll get int— is it obvious that I forced 3 friends to do exactly that and that’s how I got them all into Rammstein?)

This is getting so long at this point, I am putting more effort into this than into my college essays..Why are they so well liked? In short: Fire, Professionalism, Democracy, Music and Controversy1) Fire. “Other bands play, Rammstein burns!“

 Ok, not just fire. Though it’s pretty cool.

2) The ultimate professionalism. I am not kidding when I say that giant, well planned Broadway Musicals pale in comparison to the sheer perfection and amount of panache they put in their live gigs.

It’s considered that it should be on everyone’s bucket list to see Rammstein live at least once. 

I don’t want to stereotype Germans and working like machines, but what makes Rammstein so good, is that they really stick to that stereotype where everything is a perfectly executed machine with no space for fucking around. 

3) Democracy. This influences the professionalism part in the sense that, since all the members of the band have an equal amount of vote over what gets done and how, it means that they all criticize each other’s ideas until they find the middle ground. That middle ground is how they kept their specific genre, while managing to churn out wonderful after wonderful album (I am being very biased here, I just really like every single album, all for different reasons), all with a firm idea of what Rammstein is for all of them

4) Lyrics

First of all, about the lyrics - they are all written by Till. Yet on all songs, credits go to all the members, because everyone gets an input. It really cannot be understated how much of a group project this is. It’s a democratic band where everyone holds the same weight. 

My personal favourite ones are Dalai Lama and Klavier. I am sucker for story telling songs and the words he uses are so perfectly chosen! The first one is a twist on Goethe’s poem while the second one is a very dark love song.

5) Controversy

Since this has gotten embarrassingly long, let me say this in shortest way possible: Some people like provocative, others abhor it and together when they argue they market Rammstein like no other. Rammstein has been blamed like any other metal band for school shootings, Nazi imagery, promoting physically abusive relationships, inciting youths to unlawful/harmful behavior etc. while doing none of that.

But in general, Rammstein has a wonderful attitude of “Interpret out lyrics anyway you want to, we just draw the line at being called Nazis.” and they usually make a point of just telling a story/ presenting a song whose lyrics and/or video are but an element to the entire thing.

Oh my god, I finally scrolled up to check if I answered everything, and you didn’t even ask for all the rest, I just kept spewing on and on D:Sorry!Once I start about Rammstein, I keep going on and on and on. I hope that at least was a good enough introduction, I’ll do those little glossaries with in jokes and fun facts later, as I promised all the way at the beginning

[fourthlinefic]

Diversions IV

It’s been 84 years,,,

Sid should have known that something was up when Kris invited him round for lunch straight after practise. Usually, he gave Sid at least a day’s notice of any social engagement. If Sid had taken time to think about it in the sudden recalibration of his day, he would have realised that it was one of the places that Kris knew that they wouldn’t be interrupted by cameras or any of the five guys who had ‘emergency’ keys to Sid’s back door.

He was halfway through a ham and salad sandwich (on rye, no mayo) when Kris sprung his trap. But by then, he already had an Alexander in his lap and nowhere to run.

“So,” Kris started, spearing a cherry tomato with his fork. “How are things with you and Jamie these days?”

“Is this- is this is an appropriate topic for little ears?” Sid said, nodding at Alex's dark head. He didn't appear to be listening, instead straining across the kitchen counter to try and reach his juice cup. Sid handed it to him and got a broad smile in return.

“Who's Jamie?” Alex asked, after he'd taken a long pull of juice.

“Just a friend of Sid's. You met him at the rink remember?” Kris said. Alex shrugged. “Hey, why don't you go find mama, eh? See what she's up to.”

“Why?”

“Because me and Sid need to have a chat about some grown up things.”

“What sort of things?” Alex asked.

“Things for grown ups,” Sid said, hoisting him under his arms and depositing him gently on the floor. He and Kris watched as he toddled off, though at nearly five years old, you couldn’t really call him a toddler anymore. Kris found he never felt older than when he noticed how big the kids were getting. He turned back to Sid.

“So. Jamie.”

“I told you before,” Sid sighed, taking another bite of sandwich. “We’re just messing around. It’s just fun. And none of your business.”

Kris wrinkled his nose at Sid. He would have thought that at thirty years old, someone would have taught him not to talk with his mouth full. “I mean, it kind of is my business since you started up with a teammate. And no offence, Sid, but,” he paused, because Sid was right. This was not a conversation he wanted being overheard by little ears. He cast a quick eye around and dropped his voice anyway, because you never knew. “But you're kind of a slut, and not everyone is used to the Sidney Crosby Treatment.”

“That’s not fair,” Sid frowned. “It’s not like I’ve had much of a chance at dating long term, y’know?”

And maybe Sid had a point, except Kris knew his friend, and he knew that Sid felt no remorse at his perpetual single-hood. Kris sighed. “I’m just trying to look out for you, Sid.”

“I know, bud,” Sid smiled. “And in my defence, you were there when I swore off Seguin. And the thing with Giroux doesn't count, we were in Prague.”

“I was there the last time you swore off Seguin, but you say that after every Dallas game,” Kris pointed out. Sid glared at him, and Kris stared back. He should be glad he wasn't bringing up his history with Ovechkin, or Weber, and he was pretty sure Taylor Hall was involved at one point. Sid sighed resignedly and shrugged.

“It’s different now. He’s got this regular thing going on with Benn,” he said, wrinkling his nose at the thought of exclusivity.

“You know, most people would call that a healthy, monogamous relationship, Sidney.”

“No, because then that would mean me and Jamie are in a relationship.”

Kris blinked. “I'm sorry, What?”

“Having sex exclusively with one person doesn't mean you're in a relationship,” Sid said with a shrug, and maybe if it was anyone else saying that, Kris would have been inclined to agree with them. Except.

“No no no, wait. No. You're sleeping only with Jamie?”

“I mean, it's not like I have many options these days. Most guys are either too young or married,” Sid shrugged. Kris sighed, rubbed his fingers against his temples. He had long ago come to the realisation that Sid was a special kind of emotionally emancipated. He had accepted that. It was just a Sid Thing, like so many other Sid Things. But Jesus, did he worry about him sometimes.

“That is so far from the point I'm trying to make here, Sid. When was the last time you were seeing only one guy?”

The long pause before Sid could answer would be enough to make his mother weep. It nearly made Kris weep. Just when he thought he was going to have to spell it out for him, Sid’s eyes suddenly flashed with realisation. He put his sandwich down on his plate, and blinked at Kris.

“Fuck. We’re dating.”

Sid eyed his phone as it started buzzing along his kitchen counter. Flower's grinning face beamed up at him, the top of Estelle’s head just visible in the frame of the photo. The ache of Flower’s drafting wasn’t as painful as when it was fresh, not since Flower had found a decent phone plan, but Sid couldn’t help the half sigh that escaped him before picking up his mobile.

“Whatever Kris told you, it's a lie,” he said as he put him on speaker, and Flower's laugh crackled down the line. Sid felt his own mouth twitch upwards in response. It was still so easy to fall into the familiar patterns of chirper and chirpee, the distance doing little to diminish Flower’s ability to verbally destroy Sid any chance he got.

“Hello to you too, Sidney.” Flower said. “I hear I should congratulate you? That you're finally growing up?”

“Don't you guys have better things to do than gossip about my love life?” Sid asked, going back to stirring the chili on the stove. He'd remembered to leave out the bell pepper this time, how Jamie had picked all the pieces out and left them on the side of his plate. And okay, yeah. He could see how maybe this whole thing had turned into dating.

“Sid, you know you're the most interesting part of all of our lives,” Flower said, and Sid could still pick out the teasing edge in his voice.

“Duper’s maybe,” Sid allowed, smiling at Flower's snort of laughter. “You and Kris should still be thinking about hockey.”

“Well the thing is, Sidney, we actually do have interests outside of hockey unlike-”

“How am I an interest outside of hockey?” Sid demanded. “I am about as hockey as you can get. I am literally dating a hockey player.”

“Aw, you said the D word!” Flower cooed and Sid seriously considered just hanging up on him. “We only gossip because we care. I’m just mad I’ve had to hear about all this second hand from Tanger. What’s he like?”

“Tanger? Uh, he’s about six foot, very pretty, great ass. Spills all my secrets to the French-Canadian mafia.”

“Sid…”

“Oh, you mean Jamie. Yeah, he also has a great ass.”

“Is he good to you?” Flower asked, and he sounded so concerned and exasperated and fond, all at the same time that Sid couldn’t help but feel a little bad for being such a dick about the whole thing. He turned the heat down on the chilli so that he could turn his full attention to Flower.

“He’s great, Flower. He’s very sweet and thoughtful. And he gave me his instagram password.”

“I’m sensing a ‘but’ here. What’s up?”

And this is what Sid loved about Flower. Kris and Olli treated this whole thing like something with an expiry date, something that Sid was going to get bored of and drop as quickly as he had picked it up. And Sid couldn’t blame them really. A precedent had been set years ago, a pattern that had been traced over and over. So he couldn’t blame them for being more concerned with Jamie’s heart than his own. But Flower had never put up with Sid’s love ‘em and leave ‘em outlook on life. As much as Sid claimed he hated it, hated the judging eyes of his friend, he knew that Flower just wanted him to be better. It mattered to him what Sid’s heart was going through.

“I dunno,” Sid sighed. “He’s just young, and probably way better to me than I deserve. I just can’t help feeling like it’s going to fall apart. And I don’t even know if we have enough of something to fall apart. Sometimes I feel like it’s just sex, but then I look at him and I just feel. I don’t even know what I feel. It’s just, it feels good. And I’m probably gonna fuck it up.”

“I think you need to talk to Jamie,” Flower said after a second. “I know how much you hate that, but you need to figure out what you have here. I'm just glad you're moving on, you know?”

“Uh, no I don't know,” Sid said, caught off guard. “Moving on from what?”

“You and Geno. You had that whole thing-” Flower suddenly stopped, as if the line had been cut. There was a pause before, “you know what, it doesn't matter. Forget I said anything. What are you up to tonight?”

“I've got some guys coming over for food and PS4, but what do you mean me and Geno?”

“I just mean you were both really into each other for a while and nothing really happened and I don’t think you ever got over that. But now you’ve got Jamie, so it’s all good, right?”

“Wait, do you think I’ve never dated because I was waiting for Geno? Flower, me and Geno were always just friends.” Sid said, torn between laughter and horror. “He’s beautiful and he plays beautiful hockey, and yeah maybe I was a little bit in love with him once, but no. I sleep around because I enjoy it, not because I’m hung up on Geno. Which is some backwards fucking logic by the way.”

“Okay, okay!” Flower cried. “Crisse, sorry for thinking you have human emotions. So you're not in love with Geno, that's cool.”

Sid went back to stirring the chilli, pursing his lips when he felt it starting to stick to the bottom of the pan. Like his mother before him, Sid kept a bottle of cheap(ish) red wine open for cooking, and he slopped another half a cup into the pan.

“If I burn this chilli because of you, I'm flying down to Vegas to beat you up myself.”

“I'd like to see you try, Croz. You wouldn't be able to get past Reaver.”

“I think I could take him,” Sid hummed as he fished a tablespoon of out the cutlery draw to taste the chilli with. “I’ve seen him fight, could probably get in his head a bit.”

“And I’ve seen you fight,” Flower said, his tone of voice telling Sid exactly what he thought of his attempts at dropping gloves. “So, you’re not in love with G. Are you in love with Jamie?”

Sid almost choked on a mouthful of chilli. “Oh for-”

“Joking, I'm joking!” Flower cackled. “Man, I wish I could have seen your face.”

“You’re so fucking annoying,” Sid muttered, and swore when he noticed that he’d spilled chilli down his shirt. That Flower had made him spill chilli down his shirt. “I’ve gotta go change, and the boys are gonna be here soon. Can we talk later? Properly?”

“You just want to get out of talking about feelings,” Flower said, and then steamrolled over Sid’s protests. “No, I get it, you don’t want to talk to your best friend about the things that are most important to you. You’d rather talk to Mr Degrassi. Yeah, talk to Tanger about that.”

“Okay, I’m hanging up now,” Sid warned, his finger hovering over his phone’s screen. “If you have anything nice to say, now’s the time to get it in.”

“Have a good night, Sid. Be good to your man, eh?”

“I’ll try. And I’ll see you around.”

“See you in the fourth round, baby,” Flower laughed, and Sid hung up on him with a smile.

[longlivemystories]

Moonlit Strolls: Chapter 10

Chapter ten: Monday pt 2

     Jake stood in front of Integra's desk, hands tucked casually in his suit pants pockets. His deep purple hair was pulled back in a low, loose ponytail and he'd already applied some dark makeup. Ever the same fashion. Integra was sitting at her desk, signing something, then handed the packet of papers to Walter.

    "Mr. Clayton."

    Jake stood a little straighter while I couldn't help but slump further in my chair. I was happy that Jake was better and uncaged, but now Integra was even more unpredictable about Jake's situation. Integra never seemed to like the idea of Jake being here in the first place, but I didn't expect her to kick him out on the street, being an untrained werewolf and all.

    "How would you like a job?"

    That caught me off guard. A job? Why in the hell would Integra offer a job? Suppose it's better than killing him, which I was grateful for. Jake had a moment of confusion as well, before offering a smile.

    "I'd like that very much, sir, considering I think my old job is gone," he responded, shifting his weight onto his other leg.

    "I don't think you understand the situation," Integra said. "You have no choice, no leniency in your options. Mr. Clayton, you will never have a life outside my manor. You will never live a normal life and you will strictly follow my rules or face the penalty of death," she stated calmly, fingers intertwined on her desk.

    "You're quite the heavy hitter, sir, but I think I'm more than up for the challenge," Jake responded, grinning a little more.

    Integra watched him carefully as if debating if he really knew what was at stake. Jake glanced over at me, eyes almost twinkling. I knew the way he could push buttons with authority figures and I was terrified he'd push the wrong one with Integra.

    "Fine. Seras and a few of my men will train you. I hope you're 'up for' several long days and nights," Integra told him.

    Not a moment later and Seras entered the office, offering Jake and I a small wave.

    "Train him well, Seras," Integra ordered.

    Jake gave Seras he own wave in return, then bowed lowly towards Integra.

    "I hope not to disappoint you, sir," he said calmly.

    Jake took a moment to say something to me, but I shook my head, wanting to talk to him in private later. My friend settled with a light pat on my shoulder before heading out with Seras. Integra leaned back in her tall chair, letting out a long breath.

    "Your friend better be ready," she grumbled.

    "Thank you for hiring--"

    "Don't go thanking me yet," she interrupted, leaning forward once more. "I have more tests for you to do. Nothing quite as fun as blood drawing, unfortunately," Integra told me. "Stay in your room and the doctors will come to you."

    "I... all right. Thank you, anyways," I responded softly, leaving once she gave me the okay.

    "How's it going, Ollie?"

    I looked up to see Jake standing in my doorway, holding two trays of food. I smiled lightly up at him and put my journal on the nightstand.

    "You look like you could use a bite to eat," he murmured, waiting for me to slowly make my way to the small table in the corner before handing me a tray with veggie soup. These tests were already wearing me out.

    "My favorite," I sighed happily, biting off a small piece of bread.

    "I know it," he chuckled, rolling up his sleeves to reveal tanned arms. "You never answered my question, though. I heard you've been doing tests all day," he pointed out, sitting next to me with his own tray.

    "Yeah... I guess there's something wrong with me... For some reason, vampire hybrids keep attacking me so she's checking to see if it's biological or something," I murmured, stirring my soup mindlessly.

    Jake was quiet for a moment. "You sure it's safe to be here then? With two full blooded vampires not two feet away?" he asked, taking a bite of his salad.

    I looked over at him. "You think Alucard and Seras are likely to attack me?" I     snorted. "If they wanted to, don't you think they would have by now?"

    "Sure, but... I don't know, just be careful," he mumbled, rubbing my back.

    "What about you, hows the training going?" I inquired, nibbling on my bread some more.

    "Man, I thought the training at the office was tough," he laughed, removing his hand from my back and sipping his water.

    "Not funny, Jake. You need to take this seriously. Integra is not someone to play with," I chided, throwing him a playful glare.

    "Yeah, yeah, I gathered that," he mumbled, shaking his head, "but I'm learning."     "Oh, hey, where's your room now, anyway? I doubt she'd let you just return to your apartment," I snorted.

    "Nah, she's got me in the same room, cage and everything," Jake laughed. "Decent enough to put a bed in, though. So you gunna let me braid your hair or what?"

    I blinked at him silently for a minute or two. Was he serious? He hadn't braided my hair since college and it made me wonder where the request came from. I suddenly thought of Integra's words and shifted somewhat. Too many very unlikely scenarios were popping in my head and it took a hell of a lot of effort to shove them back down. Jake was my friend, there's no way he'd think of me like... like that... would he?

    "W-why do you ask?" I stuttered quietly, mindlessly pulling some hair over my shoulder to play with.

    "I figured just in case you have more tests to do, ya wouldn't mind having your hair out of your face if you get nauseous. An added bonus: It'll look beautiful," Jake added, giving a thumbs up.

    I looked him over quietly, pondering the consequences, before finally giving in. I answered him by turning my chair around and scooting it closer. Long fingers pulled my hair back over my shoulders to rest on my back. I couldn't help but notice goosebumps covering my body as he started brushing my hair. Even though it'd been years since he'd played with it, the feeling was so familiar and it brought back nice memories of college. I rested back against the chair, relishing the calm.

    "So what happens if they never find out why you're being attacked?" Jake inquired. "I don't think they can keep /you/ here against your will."

    "I'm not sure how I would feel about leaving you, even if they did let me leave. But maybe... I don't know. Hey, have you seen Alucard at all?"

    "Oh, big tall guy, black hair? Yeah, a real peach. Ran me ragged all morning," Jake snorted. "Why?"

    "He, well... we... I don't know," I sighed. "We had a little fight, or I dunno, it was back though and I just feel bad for snapping, but I have some questions for him," I rambled, wringing my wrists nervously.

    I didn't notice Jake had stopped moving until he started up again.

    "Do you care about his feelings or something?" he grumbled, fingers moving swiftly.

    "I mean... yeah, he can be a bit brutish, but he's saved my life several times n the last week alone and he's been doing his best to reassure me about your situation, and he doesn't even like werewolves," I answered quietly, shifting in my seat.

    "Are you serious? The same ass I met this morning has been by your bedside, wiping your tears away?" he snorted.

    "You sound pretty nasty about someone only trying to help," I sighed. "Listen, I just... just got you back and want to enjoy the moment."

    It was tensely silent now between us and I felt bad, but still couldn't quite figure out what Jake had against Alucard. These two had been acting so strangely lately and it was so tiring.

    "There," Jake murmured, lightly flicking my finished braid over my shoulder.

    I paused upon seeing the bow tie neatly around the base. It was black with red highlights.

    "Where'd you get that?" I inquired quietly.

    "Walter," he answered with a small sigh. "Seras is probably looking for me by now," he continued, standing up and taking his tray. "Finish your food and I'll be back tonight."

    4 in the morning and I was bent over the toilet, my stomach wholeheartedly disagreeing with the day's events. I was surprised I even made it to the bathroom at all after all the painful tests I went through; spinal tap, bone marrow. Hell, they even took a small piece of muscle from my calf. Everything ached and nothing stayed in my stomach for more than a minute or two. I leaned back against the tub, holding my head in my hands. At least Jake was right: my hair was clean and still looked nice.

    "Long day?"

    I couldn't even bring myself to look up at this point, but I knew who was in the doorway.

    "You could say," I mumbled.

    The vampire made his way over and sat on the tub side, near me. A soft clink told me he put something near me, so I dared a peak.

    "First tea, now Pepto? What kind of vampire are you?" I asked lightheartedly, accepting the small glass and downing the contents.

    "The kind who believes in medicine. I have a human master who comes down with illness. Granted, not very often, but it does happen," he chuckled, taking his sunglasses off and tucking them in an inner coat pocket. "I heard they were cutting you raw today."

    "Y-Yeah..." I mumbled, leaning against the tub once more. "And I heard you ran Jake ragged."

    "Not for long... He did come with us on a hunt today, though."

    That news surprised me. Why hadn't anyone told me Jake would be out so soon after gaining back his memories? A twinge of worry ran through my chest, but it quickly dropped into my belly and I was over the toilet again. Thankfully, nothing came out, but that didn't make me feel any better. I stayed where I was for a moment before leaning back against the tub again.

    "Such a fragile body..."

    I laughed a little, though it was winded.

    "Were you ever human?" I murmured quietly.

    Alucard remained silent for a second or two but then stood, taking the cup with him. After rinsing it out in the sink, he filled it with water and sat back in his spot, handing me the water. I accepted it and took a sip.

    "A long time ago. I don't particularly miss it," he finally responded.

    "Mhmm," I hummed, drinking some more water.

    "These tests... they don't seem to be doing you any good," he commented. "If it helps, I don't think you're problem is the biological you're thinking of," Alucard added.

    "What could it possibly be, then?" I mumbled, wondering if all these tests were for nothing.

    "Genetics, lineage. Who were your parents?"

    "No idea. I was adopted with I was little," I admitted with a light shrug.

    I looked up at him to be met with an intense, thoughtful stare. I hadn't been this close to him in a long time and I caught my breath. Alucard leaned forward slowly and reached up. I wanted to pull away, but couldn't. I winced when the vampire pulled away the bandage covering Jake's scratch. Furrowing my eyebrows in confusion, I started to stay something but didn't get the chance before he snipped a stitch with a sharp nail.

    "Alucard, what--"

    "Don't worry. I have some more self-control than you think."

[koonagi]

Interviewing Gnarstalgia Creator and Skateboarder, Brian Denison.

Brian and I both grew up in the Dallas area and around similar crowds/parks, however we’ve only skated together a handful of times. Despite this, we’ve always kept in touch. About 6 months ago, we got on a call together after speaking online since he has since moved to Colorado, (I’m envious, btw) and we talked about skateboarding and current projects. We quickly realized that our interests in creating something out of all our past skate stories, old footage, and current skills were very much aligned.

Among other projects and ideas, Brian went on to tell me about his new website Gnarstalgia which came with the tagline, “20 years. 80 tapes. 160 hours of stoke.” This, of course, references the 160 hours of skateboarding he has transferred from VHS-C, Hi-8, and Digi-8 tapes into organized and edited videos. After checking it out, I was amazed how much work he put into his edits and the website as a whole. I became super excited about the possibilities of this, (until now) lost footage. We decided to collaborate on a bunch of future skateboarding-inspired projects including my Lost Skate Spots series, some upcoming documentaries & videos, as well as this interview which will focus on his website and Brian himself. Enjoy.

First things first, tell me a little about how you got into skateboarding?

"Haha, yeah, I started skating in early 1999 after playing the snowboarding game Cool Boarders 3 on the first Playstation. I was pretty good at it and was sure I would be good in real life too if I could only get the chance to ride one, but I lived in Corpus Christi, TX, which is about as far from snow as you can get. So my mom told me if I learned to skateboard first, she’d take me snowboarding. I busted out an old Nash I had gotten when I was six and literally rode it till the wheels fell off. I remember one, along with its individual ball bearings rolling down the driveway, but from there, I was hooked. Soon after I started, we moved up to Dallas and I would go ride out in front of my house and at the local school. By then, THPS had just come out and the popularity was exploding. We had a whole grip of kids, like 15-20 that would skate with us. Around that same time I started going to Eisenbergs, and that’s really where I started to meet all the homies. I was there almost every day, and skating solidified into pretty much the only thing I cared about."  -- BD

What's your involvement/history with Dallas Skate Crew?

"I knew a lot of the dudes from skating at Eisenbergs. Mostly Juan, Anthony, Murph, and folks like that. But I really spent most of my time hanging out with Sturgeon, Severs, Kyle, James, Shawn, and Jojo. There were a bunch of smaller, random skate crews back then, and they all had different names. Even though I lived in Plano (ugh, I know), I spent most of my time in Garland and Rowlett. I remember Corey Rosales was all about “RSC” - Rowlett Skate Crew. So a lot of us repped that for a while. But as I got older, I was spending more time with the DSC dudes, especially Darby and David Pool. By then it seemed like a lot of the crews were all homies anyway, and DSC was definitely the main one. I had gotten into graffiti and learned how to draw DSC in like a thousand different ways on all my school notebooks. Like a nerdy little kid, I’m pretty sure I asked Anthony or Juan or somebody if it was cool if I rep DSC too, and they were like “Yeah man of course!” So I was stoked, haha. Pretty funny in retrospect, but from my perspective we were all just one big ass group of friends and it was fun to have something like that that held the crew together. I remember Anthony had written a small bit about the history of DSC on this super old website too. Probably super long defunct now. But it was about how the whole thing got started when they were young too. OG shit. It’s rad to be a part of it all, and much respect to all the homies."  -- BD

What was one of your favorite skating memories from filming?

"Dude, I’ve got so many! But the best one probably has to do with when Kyle Estes ollied the old 16 stair at Richardson High School. I think it’s a 20 now, but in the same spot. I remember Kyle was only 12 at the time, so the set was literally 4 more stairs than he was old. Insane! He was obsessed with Baker back then, and we all were like oh shit! This is definitely gonna get you on the team! He repped Baker hard, and had also just done a PERFECT backside flip down the Garland 9, so dude was on fire. I think it was Kyle, Sturgeon, Shawn, Jojo and me there that day. After like 10 slams, he ended up getting the rollaway (check out the footage below!). But a few months after that, another local, Tyler Maguffee, told me he wanted to fs board it. Tyler, Jojo and me went to go check it out and ended up bondo-ing the crack in front of the rail so he could hit it. But as luck would have it, we got caught. We tried to play it off, like we were students there who had tripped and fallen on the stairs and wanted to fix the crack. Security did NOT fall for it though, haha. The next time we went back, they had skate-stopped it. SHIT! Sad to say it, but don’t think it ever got skated again. Fast forward a decade or so, and I’m working on Gnarstalgia, but one of the only tapes I can’t find is the one with Kyle’s 16 stair ollie. So bummed. Then one day while I was hanging out with David Pool, I told him about the project I was working on, and how I wish I had that tape. By some magic of the universe he looked me dead in my eye and goes “Bro… I know where it is.” He then walked over to a safe, cracked it open, and inside was not just the “Kyle 16 Stair Ollie” tape, but also several of his own that he had filmed. What a lucky break! We took the photo below out of sheer disbelief. So huge shoutout to David for keeping that thing safe all these years."  -- BD

What skateboarders, pro or otherwise, inspire you most?

"My favorite skater right now is probably Robert Neal. Dude has the sickest style, and always looks like he’s having the best time on and off his board. But in general, I’m just glad to still get to skate as much as I do. And to still have plenty of other people to skate with who love it just as much as me. It’s those who never lost the love for it who I find most inspiring. "  -- BD

Tell me about your recently released project Gnarstalgia.com and how it came to be.

"So I spent a ton of time filming in the early 2000s. I would capture my footage each week, and edit all kinds of montages and sponsor-me tapes for the homies. I was on pace to release a video around ‘03 or ‘04. But this was during the time peer-to-peer sharing sites like Limewire and Kazaa were super popular. So in addition to logging multiple gigs of footage onto my poor little 56k computer, I was also downloading tons of other shit that was riddling my computer with viruses. And of course, I was not smart enough to back up my work on an external hard drive. The computer crashed and I lost practically all of it. The only things that were salvaged were the original tapes and any edits I had transferred over to them. I then spent the next year re-uploading everything and backing it up on external hard drives, completely determined to still release the video. But of course, I didn’t learn my lesson about Limewire and Kazaa, and kept downloading shit. Before long, the computer AND the external hard drives were also destroyed by viruses and I lost it all again. That pretty much killed any fire I had left in me, and I just gave up on filming and editing for a long, long time. It wouldn’t be till college that I started to dabble again. But in all the years since I lost the edits, I knew I wanted to make a video using the old shoeboxes full of VHS-C, Hi-8, and Digi-8 tapes I had sitting in the closet. I knew it would be a years-long endeavor, so I kept putting it off. Around 2018 though, I realized I was coming up on 20 years of skating, and releasing a video with all that long-lost footage seemed the perfect way to celebrate. By then, I had lost touch with a lot of the main people in the video. I’m sure they never expected to see that footage again. Out of nowhere, the name Gnarstalgia just popped in my head and the thought of surprising everyone with it got me super amped to get started. But it took a full year to make it through all 80 tapes, capturing each fun clip and trick. From there, I had to start editing. I barely knew how to use Premiere, so I spent tons of time watching tutorials on YouTube to learn how to use overlays, mattes, color correction, logo animations, and troubleshoot countless problems that popped up. I really enjoyed it too. I was having a blast! But after the pandemic began, I decided to double down. This was the perfect time to dive in and really finish the whole thing. Finally, 2.5 years after I started the project, the whole thing was done. Two trailers, a 20-year recap, Eisenbergs Edit, Street Edit, Park Edit and Demo Edit. Plus a website featuring tons of long-lost montages and video parts from some of Dallas’ most well-known skaters. And all starting with some of their earliest footage. I think the name Gnarstalgia really does capture it. It truly is 20 years. 80 tapes. 160 hours of stoke."  -- BD

Where can people connect with you online and check out your stuff? [LINKS BELOW]

"You can find all 55+ videos on gnarstalgia.com, as well as the Gnarstalgia YouTube. Follow @gnarstalgia_video on Instagram for highlights, unused clips, and tons of other old footage submitted from all your favorite Dallas skaters and filmers. P.S. Huge shoutout to Jon Snyder (@Mini_Ramp), Mo Duncan Jr (@ModuncanJr), David Pool (@Timothy_Leary), Darby (@Darby_McVay), and everyone else for contributing old Dallas footage as well. And to Eric Kuhns for all the killer stuff he’s been putting out the last few years as well. You guys have made the project even more rewarding and enjoyable than I ever could have expected. Cheers! And keep skating 🤙 "  -- BD

Final Thoughts:

I’d like to thank Brian for taking the time to do this interview and I can’t recommend his website enough. Dallas has produced so many shredders and Gnarstalgia.com shows off so much of what has made the skateboarding scene here so amazing. I’d also like to add that this was one of my favorite interviews I’ve ever done and I can’t wait to create and collab more with Brian.

Additionally, check out the latest Lost Skate Spots episode where I discuss the now shutdown, Freestyle Skatepark. We hear Brian tell us a story from back in the day as well as share some footage for an edit he filmed that includes Bam Margera, Ed Templeton, Billy Marks, tons of locals, and more.

[rorykillmore]

so (like many of you) i thought alex and sara’s dynamic gave us a lot to think about. i don’t know yet how they intend to wrap that up but one thing i really wanted to see was some exploration of the... miscommunication that happened there, you know, alex freaking out and sara not quite understanding the reasons for it. maybe we’ll get something similar tomorrow, who knows! for now, here’s my (rough) version. 

surprise, i think this ship is fun

As always, the latest world-threatening crisis being averted means everyone has to part ways. Sara’s used to it, by now -- used to having to brush off that instinctive pang of longing for Star City, even though it hasn’t really been home for a long time now, even though there’s hardly anything left for her there.

She makes her rounds and says her goodbyes - lets Iris and Felicity hug her, even gives Ollie a quick kiss on the cheek - but she’s never been good at this. If she slips away from the reception while Jax and Stein are still engaged and Mick’s still lingering at the buffet, she figures no one will notice.

It’s only when she steps outside, the door shutting with a noisy click behind her, that she realizes she’s not alone. Alex Danvers is sitting out on the steps, already half-turning to see who’s joined her, and Sara tries not to cringe. It’ll be even more awkward if she tries to backtrack now.

“Hey,” she says casually instead.

She’s greeted with that look. The one that crosses Alex’s face every time they run into each other. She looks fleetingly like a cornered animal, and Sara thinks it’s a marvel that someone with military training can switch from poised to fidget-y in a manner of seconds.

“Uh -- hey,” Alex replies a little belatedly.

Sara shifts her weight briefly from foot to foot. It’d be easy to walk away from this. Alex is due to go back to her own dimension soon, and the chances of Sara ever seeing her again are -- well okay, not as low as she’d like to pretend, but still.

Still...

Maybe she shouldn’t leave it like this.

“I didn’t mean to corner you out here,” she says, breaking the beat of awkward silence.  “But now that I have, I guess we should maybe... talk?”

Alex eyes her warily, then looks down at her hands.  “You don’t have to do that. I think I’ve already made things awkward enough.”

Sara can’t exactly disagree with her. She can’t say it hasn’t been a little frustrating either, to have so much tension hanging between them when there are so many other things to worry about. And sure, she’s slept with girls who were weird about it afterwards before - the ‘I was just experimenting and now we’re never acknowledging this again’ type, or whatever -  but she knows Alex just recently got out of a relationship with a women, so she doesn’t entirely get where this is coming from. Or why Alex is making such a big deal out of it.

“You know I don’t... expect anything from you, right?”  she chances cautiously. “We were just having fun.”

Maybe it’s the wrong thing to say. It certainly doesn’t seem to make Alex feel any better -- Sara watches her work her jaw briefly, still not looking up. Maybe she got the wrong read on Alex, she thinks.

“Were... you expecting something?” she tries instead.

“No,” Alex says a little too quickly, and then squeezes her eyes shut. “No, I don’t -- I don’t know what I thought I wanted.”

There’s something about the almost choked note in her voice that hits Sara a little harder than she expects it to. Maybe there’s something else going on here, after all -- something she hasn’t seen. She takes a careful step closer, and when Alex doesn’t protest, crosses the rest of the distance to sit down beside her.

“Hey.” She tries to soften her tone, fight down her usual, guarded instincts.  “Look, I’m sorry if I... confused you.” Uncomfortable as this has been for her, she can’t help feeling a genuine twinge of remorse. She doesn’t want to be that asshole who ditches the girl she hooks up with and doesn’t give a shit afterwards, even if this was a wedding and the circumstances were supposed to be casual.

“You didn’t -- it’s my fault.” Alex stirs a little when Sara settles beside her, but only glances at her briefly, her words bitter. She exhales an unamused laugh. “I... was stupid. I thought this - us - would make me feel better, but instead I just feel...”

“Like shit?” Sara provides, and it earns a brief twitch of Alex’s lips. 

“Pretty much.”

Sara nods carefully. She gets the feeling that Alex isn’t exactly the kind of person who opens up like this very often -- particularly to someone she’s only known for days. “Break-ups can suck. I’m sorry.” She pauses, and then, “You must really still love her.”

She almost hurts for Alex, watching the way her expression starts to crack. It reminds her of what losing Nyssa felt like.

“I think --” Alex’s voice catches, and Sara waits patiently for her to finish. “I think I’ll always love her. I’m sorry --”  She buries her face in her hands.  “That must sound so fucking cheesy.”

“No,” Sara murmurs, feeling the need to avert her gaze, like she’s witnessing something private and all too familiar at once.  “...No, I know what you mean.”

It seems to be the cue Alex needs. The dam cracks. The flood comes.

“I just keep feeling like maybe I -- maybe I made the wrong choice?” Alex moves her hands so her words are less muffled, wiping at her eyes and glancing at Sara almost like she’s searching for an answer. “Leaving her. I mean, I didn’t just love her, I -- I feel like I owe her so much --”

“Yeah?” Sara presses gently, because it sounds like Alex needs to get this off her chest.

“I wasn’t...” Alex draws a shuddering breath. “Maggie was the first woman I was ever with. I didn’t know how to accept myself, before her, and I thought -- I thought I’d never be happy --”

She can’t keep the choked sob off the edge of her voice, and this time Sara feels a distinct tug at her heart.

Oh.

“You...”  She hesitates, wanting to choose her words carefully. “...You didn’t tell me she was your first.”

And why would she, Sara thinks? But the pieces are starting to click together, now -- this all makes more sense, even if the realization makes her feel like she’s sinking. All this time, she’s been jerking around someone who’s only just learned to be comfortable with her identity. 

She kind of feels like shit.

Alex wipes at her eyes again. “I thought I’d sound like an idiot,” she admits a little more dryly. “I mean, you’re so --”  She gestures almost grumpily. “-- confident.”

Sara chokes back a laugh in spite of the remorse still coiling in her ribcage.  “Yeah. Well.”  She can’t help the beat of hesitation that follows, a typical accompaniment to the approach of any true sincerity.  “...Still, I get it. I really am sorry, Alex.”

“You don’t have to be.” Alex shakes her head again. And then she finally holds Sara’s gaze.  “What we had was -- it’s not that it wasn’t...”

“It’s okay not to do casual.” Sara senses she might need some help articulating this.  “But, I mean -- it’s okay if you do want to, too. You get that, right?”

Alex doesn’t respond right away, so she presses a little further.

“It doesn’t make you... wrong or predatory or objectifying to have a one night stand with a woman. Maybe we should’ve -- I dunno, talked about it before, but you didn’t do anything wrong.”

There’s a beat as Alex swallows hard, and Sara watches her carefully. Her breathing seems to be evening out, which is a good sign -- so Sara chances settling one of her hands over Alex’s. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” she repeats.

Finally, shakily, Alex nods.

“Thank you,” she finally murmurs, her gaze resting on their hands now.  “...I’m sorry, too. I’m betting this is a lot more drama than you bargained for.”

“Nazis crashing Barry and Iris’s wedding was a lot more drama than I bargained for,” Sara says wryly.  “This was nothing.”

It earns her another smile, and she smiles back.

“And --”  Hell, she can’t help but offer.  “If you ever need someone to talk to, or... help you figure things out -- I’m only a dimension away.”

Funny how in their world (worlds), that really isn’t such a hurdle.

“I think I’d like that,” Alex says, giving Sara’s hand a brief squeeze. It warms her, just a little, even if she won’t admit that to herself. “And next time everyone gets together to deal with some kind of apocalyptic event - because, you know, those seem to happen every year now --”

“At least every year,” Sara agrees.

“...I wouldn’t say no to another chance to fight beside you.”

A woman after her own heart, Sara thinks (mostly joking).

“We did kind of kick ass, didn’t we?” Playfully lofty now, she draws her hand away from Alex’s in favor of bumping their shoulders together.

“Kind of?” Alex is regaining some of her confidence too -- she wears it well. “That was one the proudest moments of my entire life.”

“I’d be a little worried if you had something that topped kicking those scumbags around,” Sara shoots back, and they spend a little while longer bantering under the stars. 

That it ends a little too soon is probably for the best (where both of them are concerned), but if there’s one thing Sara’s learned? It’s that things that end don’t matter any less.

[singingwordwright]

Shadowhunters recap - s2ep18 “Awake, Arise, or Be Forever Fallen”

SHADOWHUNTERS Recaps Intro and Masterlist

These recaps may contain spoilers from the books (that may or may not happen in the show.) Proceed at your own risk.

Recap and meta under the cut.

Gotta give it to Max, he’s a little badass. Temper that with a bit of discretion and maybe he’ll actually live to reach adulthood, contrary to all book canon. Like, seriously Max, you couldn’t have gone to find Alec or Izzy once you realized what the hair leading you to Sebastian meant, instead of confronting Sebastian yourself?

Gratifying just how many times Sebastian gets stabbed in this episode. Of course, I’d prefer it if one of them was a mortal wound, but alas…

If Lindsay was lurking in the hall outside Alec’s office, she should have heard Max’s head crack against the desk. A blow hard enough to knock someone out and cause them to bleed from their nose and ears would be LOUD. I’ve literally heard real people hit their heads in ways that do much less damage and it sounded like a melon exploding.

Now that the banter and fun goofing around is back, so is Simon and Maia’s chemistry. I think this is the magic of Simon. I bought the Climon relationship the most when he and Clary were being giggly and having fun together. I found Simon and Maia’s chemistry in s2ep06 to be off the charts, again, when they were bantering and laughing. For some reason, whenever Simon forgets to be that guy whom women can laugh and have fun with, he loses a lot of what makes him click in his various potential pairings.

My frustration hit its peak with the fact that Sebastian was right there in the middle of everything while everyone was all, “Where is Jonathan?” There’s only so many times you can yell “HE’S THERE!!! HE’S RIGHT FUCKING THERE IN FRONT OF YOU!!!” at the TV before you just throw your hands up in the air and say, “You know what? Fuck it. You’re too stupid to live. I hope he guts you all.”

They carried this plotline right up to the brink of me hitting that point.

Current sexuality: Magnus saying, “m’lady.”

“Your crush” Oh, I’ll show you a fucking crush, you pint-sized wretch!

Let’s all take a moment to bow our heads and be grateful the producers are making a young-adult urban fantasy show and not a hospital drama. Because they would be really, really bad at it. Seriously I was cringing.

And what the fuck were the runes flashing on the monitor over Max’s head about? Are they there to remind the infirmary medics “This is how you draw an iratze. This is how you draw Nourishment. This is how…” (I’m not sure what that last one was, but it looked like some Shadowhunter stylized version of the Caduceus or the rod of Asclepius.)

Of all the times for Magnus to refuse to take Alec’s call.

Wow. I’d forgotten what an asshole Season 1 Alec could be. He’s come a long way, considering that in-universe it has literally been six weeks since he and Magnus met (No, seriously, check out my timeline if you doubt me. I did the math so you don’t have to.)

I say “asshole” in the most loving way possible, of course. He had his reasons, but he was indeed an asshole. It just goes to show how unhappy and uncomfortable in his own skin he was, and how much losing that burden of hiding himself away from the world impacted him.

Still, I sort of wanted Magnus to push back a little harder when Alec low-key threatened him. “If you let anyone know…”/“Oh, you’ll do what, Shadowhunter?” Because Magnus could almost certainly kick Alec’s ass with all but one of his little pinky fingers broken.

I’m glad we’re finally getting down to business with the whole Ollie thing. But IIRC it’s against the Accords (or Covenant?) to let mundanes know anything about the Shadow world. Which means Luke could be in trouble if the Clave gets wind of her finding out.

And why is so so eager to know, anyway? Like, why was she all up in his business?

I’m wondering if it doesn’t actually have something to do with Maia, considering the way Ollie zeroed right in on her. Say, Ollie’s a cop, but she also, idk, moonlights helping Sam (who maybe is a private investigator?) by taking on missing person cases at the behest of desperate families. Contrary to book canon, we’ve been given some indication that Maia’s parents may actually care for her, so what if they hired Sam and Ollie to track Maia down, and find out she’s gotten mixed up in what might look to be (on the surface) a weird wolf-worshipping cult?

IDK I’m just spinning bullshit theories.

I like how at SDCC Isaiah said that Luke is grooming Maia to take over the pack someday, and how we actually sort of saw that in action here.

I liked Jace’s distress here, because with the exception of s2ep08 and a pat on the head in the last episode, we haven’t really seen him and Max interact or gotten any impression of how his relationship is with Max. And his distress here feels a lot more…sincere? relatable, maybe?...than his oft-repeated bouts of brooding manpain over his upbringing under Valentine.

And, strangely, his pain feeling more genuine also made Clary’s empathy and support feel more genuine. This moment made me feel more of a connection between them than just about any other moment they’ve had on-screen together.

Funny how when you build a relationship between characters out of moments and situations that are arise organically within the plot—rather than forcing it—it just works better, isn’t it?

I feel like I should say something about Bat, but I just don’t have much of an impression of him or what part he’s going to play within the plot, yet. Kevin Alves seems incredibly sweet and eager to be a part of the show, however, so there’s that?

“Rebooting of the brain.” Really? (The part of me that actually knows something about medicine is rolling its eyes so hard right now. This was badly done. Suspension of disbelief in one area only works if you are meticulously grounded in accurate reality in other areas, and this would have been a good area to do that. Massive head trauma that can’t be magically woo-wooed away.)

I have lots of thoughts on the decision to keep Max alive, most of them not good. I was prepared for the pain of him dying, which would have struck pretty close to home because I have a 10yo son. And as a storyteller, I think it would have gone a long way to establishing the stakes for this story.

Like, Valentine wants to commit genocide, and Sebastian wants to help him. We all get that. And we’re all horrified by it. But genocide is a MASSIVE concept to try to really wrap your head around. The human brain, I think, tends to shield you from really grasping it. It’s just too much.

This is a problem faced often by storytellers who are writing stories in which the fate of the world is at stake. It’s too big. The audience can’t connect with it personally, can’t internalize it. So you take that, and you distill it to make the stakes personal. One death, of a character who is beloved by your protagonists and hopefully by your audience, an innocent with all the potential in the world that will now never manifest, stands in for the thousands or millions who will actually die if the bad guy isn’t stopped. That death becomes a rallying point for your protagonists, and a symbol to your audience of just how evil your bad guy is and how much he needs to be stopped.

In short, Max needed to die. He needed to die as tragically as possible. It would have had a lot more storytelling mileage.

God. This scene was just everything I could have asked for their first time to be. I’m pretty sure I wrote a line in a fanfic once about Magnus telling Alec that one of the rules of his bed was that you had to be able to laugh in it, so the giggling and giddiness was just so perfect. And the fact that Magnus responded “No such thing” when Alec expressed concern that he might be doing something wrong is really something else I could have written myself.

It was tender and sweet and sexy without being objectifying and I loved it.

I will say, though, I’m probably in the minority in that I never wanted or needed to see a scene where Alec was confronted with Magnus’s cat eyes for the first time and explicitly stated his unstinting acceptance of him. I always felt it would be othering to go that route. And I felt like this idea that Magnus, who is so incredibly powerful, would lose control so easily a little absurd. I always liked to imagine that the idea that Alec would find NOT being accepting of Magnus unthinkable, that he would be honestly and sincerely befuddled by the idea that Magnus’s eyes might be a Big Deal. “Yeah, he’s a warlock, he has a warlock mark, I’m not sure why that’s supposed to be something that matters.”

That said, if they were going to go there, then this was the way to do it. The thread that weaves through Magnus and Alec’s story in this episode and ties past to present is the fact that they come from different worlds, and with those different worlds come different obligations and priorities. So in this case, the othering was entirely the point and it played into that theme.

So, if it had to happen, I’m glad it at least happened within this context and wasn’t just schmaltzy.

I really loved Luke being such a badass here but I’m certain allowing Russell to live is a bad idea.

Seriously, though, Russell. Not only is Luke a badass just as a werewolf, but he’s got the martial training of a Shadowhunter. How do you imagine you’re going to win this?

Probably one of the most realistic fight scenes I’ve ever seen in terms of showing just how exhausting fighting becomes in very short order. Too many drag out too long before the combatants start to show fatigue.

I really want to know about the cooks at the Jade Wolf. Are they werewolves themselves? Is that why the kitchen staff never bats an eye at anything, including these people waltzing in and out of the kitchen and storeroom?

The scene with Maia explaining her backstory was extremely well done and Alisha Wainwright is all things wonderful and I love her.

“This is what love got me.” Let’s take a moment to recognize the symmetry of Maia and Simon’s stories though. Becoming a vampire, a Downworlder, is what love got Simon as well.

I can’t say anything about this scene that hasn’t been said before, and better, since they released it as a sneak peek. But it’s so beautiful and my heart hurts.

Magnus’s moment with the Lightwoods all together on one side of the hall and him by himself on the other is incredibly poignant but I can’t find the words to really examine it properly. This is the point at which things just began to hurt too much and my brain stopped being able to cope with it.

I’d really like to know how Jace, who can sense Alec’s happiness over things like having sex with his boyfriend for the first time, couldn’t sense the lack of a spike in grief that would have surely occurred upon Max’s death. Grrr.

The fight sequence with Sebastian taking out all the guards was amazing and Will Tudor is brilliant. Did he really use a sword that was still stuck through someone’s body to parry a blow?

What the hell was with him just using his hand to open the crypt, though? No rune or anything. Can Sebastian somehow channel magic?

This whole thing with Clary was awesome and for once she seemed to be working for her miracles so I’ll ungrudgingly let her have this. The one thing I don’t know is what finally tipped her off about Sebastian. Was the electrum nugget thing too warm after he handled it? Did she just realize she never saw his palm? What made her chase after him and check his palm?

I loved her stabbing him. Twice. I’m fully in support of stabbing Sebastian. Yes. Please. Let’s stab Sebastian more. Sebastian for Pincushion 2k17.

Sebastian continues to be a creepy-ass fuck. Seriously, WHY did they decide to go with the incestuous obsession thing? There are so many other places they could have taken that story.

I like that her Open rune that burned through Magnus’s wards also exploded the Institute security doors. I appreciated that for a couple reasons. First, because Sebastian taught her to do that, to use her runes and make them more powerful. Second, it’s also a nice little nod to the books, since we didn’t get that scene of Clary totally disintegrating and blowing up Valentine’s barge with that rune.

Sebastian has vamp speed, too?

I want to ship them, but I haven’t managed it yet. In-universe it’s been like, a week, since Clary and Simon broke up. And of course we know they’re not end-game. But the writers ended up making me buy Climon more than I ever expected to, so maybe they’ll do the same with this one.

I just don’t want to see either of them hurt, so if Simon ends up ending it with Maia, I’m going to be upset, and if Maia ends up ending it with Simon I’ll be upset. *sigh*

I hated seeing the home Simon has been making for himself torn apart like that.

This is the moment of my first death and the beginning of buckets of tears. This look on Magnus’s face after Alec says “our way back to each other.” I can’t. I just can’t. He’s just so heartbroken here.

And the way Alec’s eyes close when Magnus touches him.

And the way Magnus’s voice almost breaks when he says “I love you, too.”

And the way Magnus is trying to smile, just a little. To hold on to some of the joy he’s found with Alec. To file this portion of his life away as a happy memory. To remember Alec as a good thing and not a source of sorrow.

There are so many nuances here and every single one of them fucking slays me dead.

Alec’s disbelief and denial.

Alec’s youthful, naïve insistence that if they just work hard enough, if they’re just determined enough, they can find a way, and Magnus’s world-weary wisdom and centuries of experience telling him there’s just no chance for them.

“You once asked me what I was afraid of. It’s this.”

And here’s my second death. That all along we thought that Magnus was afraid of being alone, being abandoned, like Camille said, he never does well losing the people he cares about.

So, we’ve always thought he was afraid Alec would break his heart. Leave him. Be repulsed by him. Choose duty over him.

We should have known better. Magnus has lived long enough to have his heart broken before, and he knows he’ll survive it.

His real fear is inflicting that pain, that loss, on someone else.

My third and finale death. Alec stifling a sob is where I just lose it entirely.

So I guess what I’m saying here?

Yes, this is a break-up. That’s my read on it. Sorry. It just is.

I don’t believe it’s a permanent one. Of course it’s not. If they’re not back together by the end of the season, at least on some sort of tentative, provisional basis, I’ll be very surprised and extremely pissed off. If I’m left with this boulder sitting on my chest over the hiatus I’m not sure I’ll survive. This show is supposed to be my happy place and I think if they leave me in this hurty place for very long it’s going to ruin it for me.

I don’t think the producers will let this linger long.

But this scene right here? As far as Magnus is concerned in this exact moment as he’s walking away from Alec?

He thinks they’re done. He thinks they’re over. He means it to be that way.

Something will happen to make him change his mind, though, and that’s important. Because here’s the thing:

We’ve seen Alec choose Magnus over and over and over.

He chose Magnus in s1ep06 when he walked away from the Institute and duty to take an evening to at least investigate the possibility of doing something that wasn’t about duty.

He chose Magnus in s1ep12 when he walked away from his own wedding.

He chose Magnus in s2ep06 when he turned his back on his own fears and misgivings and plunged into this relationship.

He chose Magnus in s2ep08 when he challenged his mother’s lack of acceptance repeatedly and sent her a very pointed message about their relationship.

He chose Magnus in s2ep10 when he rejected Aldertree’s words about the impossibility of relationships between Shadowhunters and Downworlders.

He chose Magnus in s2ep13 when he risked censure from the Inquisitor to take a stand for what’s right.

Even when everything he’s ever been trained and brought up to do is telling him to do the opposite, he has chosen Magnus repeatedly.

The only time we haven’t seen him choose Magnus was with regard to keeping the secret about the Soul Sword, and even then, his choice was about Magnus, even if it was paternalistic and wrong-headed.

What we haven’t seen, though?

We haven’t seen Magnus choosing Alec. We see him clearly aware of the difficulty in their situation, especially since s2ep12, but he never really chooses to stand against it. Which is not to say he’s not committed, not at all. We’ve seen Magnus put himself on the line and expose himself and make himself vulnerable for Alec. That’s huge. But with the exception of his hesitation to keep pursuing Alec in s1ep12, we haven’t seen him make that same deliberate decision to damn the obstacles between them and make this relationship happen. His commitment has been more along the lines of ducking and covering and hoping whatever is heading toward them blows over before it pushes them to this critical juncture.

We need to see him make that choice. Everything since s2ep12 has been leading to him making that choice.

Now, I don’t want to step outside my lane, so I’m gonna tread carefully here. 

The thing we have to remember is that Alec, coming from the privileged group, is much safer choosing Magnus than Magnus is in choosing Alec. He’s got that safety net built in, so it’s easier for him. He may face censure and perhaps a decrease in some of his advantages (like being passed over for job promotions) but no consequences that he might face are on the same level of what Magnus might face.

So the two dilemmas and the choice to stand against their respective obstacles are not equal. If Magnus choses their relationship over his people, he doesn’t just face censure, he faces genocide. Pretty big difference there. The only possible way he can justifiably choose Alec at all is if he somehow discovers that choosing Alec dovetails conveniently with the best way to protect himself and his people.

My prediction is that something in the next episode, or in the finale at the latest, is going to bring Magnus to that decision point and make him turn around.

But for the moment? Right now, this scene?

I know it’s going to be an unpopular opinion, but Magnus really does mean this to be a breakup.