#it was funnier in my head but w/e

[theophagie]

[noblechaton]

imagining just how much better Adrien's life is if Nathalie and Emilie just cut out the middleman

[starry-blue-echoes]

in the Narrator Speedwagon au, does he narrate part 1 and 2 as well? Because I can only imagine how funny and confusing that could get.

For years Baron Zeppeli had the most annoying voice in his head narrating things, and then he meets Speedwagon and it’s like “YOU!!!” And it’s on sight

meanwhile Suzie Q has no idea who’s voice she’s always hearing until Speedwagon introduces himself to her after Joseph’s funeral. “Oh! The voice in my head!”

“pardon?”

HSRBVHSEBFHBVEHBAEHVBAHEV W H E E Z E -

OH MY GOD I WAS THINKING THAT SPEEDWAGON ONLY VOICED PARTS AFTER HIS DEATH BUT HOLY FUCK THAT'S SO MUCH FUNNIER

oh my g o d I haven't laughed this hard in ages thank you for this I love it

Zeppeli had beef with this voice because he only ever seemed to appear at the worst possible moment. His ship's being attacked by vampires and his father nearly killed him? Finding the Hamon Masters and trying to convince them to take him in? Being told he has a fucking death prophecy??? Now is not the TIME voice so please for the love of all that is holy please s h u t -

this is the real reason the Baron hits Speedwagon so hard when he explains that he wants to learn Hamon

and just. wesfcujaebfuae Suzie sweetie honey-

I LOVE the mental image of Suzie just saying this with a perfectly straight face and Speedwagon's just sitting there like "what :D?" and has honestly no idea where to take this conversation from here

[prophecydungeon]

i'm watching rvb11 again so here's a running list of everything i love about this season

contact, my beloved

a nice recap intro for anyone who is new (why...) or got lost in the sauce during 9/10!

"i'm a cyborg, you wanna bow down to me?"

grif's bit about them always holding their weapons never fails to land for me

the way that tension is built throughout this season is so good. SO fucking good. this season is all the lighthearted BGC-ness that the show had been missing for a chunk of seasons and the way that the "something's not right here" gradually grows and grows is so fucking good.

specifically, we see locus for the first time at 31:10 (i'm watching the complete one on yt) listening to wash's mayday. at 34:30 sarge uses a sniper to scope out what the reds are doing; at 46:58 we see the blues through a sniper's scope again shortly before grif and sarge bust into the blues' conversation, and then sarge hops out of the warthog without a sniper rifle on him. it's not till 53:10 that we see locus again up on the cliffside.

d: can i get a heck yeah? s: hell no. d: close enough!

the dead body as the camera pans around the refueling station... chef kiss. what an introduction to locus.

felix's intro isn't as juicy as locus's but i love the way it comes right on the heels of locus murdering a dude over wanting to tell people about the crash -- of course someone else might have found out!

the way that wash is framed so ominously when he's fixing caboose's helmet is so great too; the cracked screens on the wall mimicking the room we first see him in in 6. fantastic.

felix's massively dramatic pearl-clutchy oscar-winning introduction to the reds getting utterly wasted on the two lopezes is SO GOOD especially in light of how hard he stroked his ego over his good acting

"you're going to want to sit down for this story, it's about 20 hours long and i only enjoy telling it in five-minute intervals" is one of my all-time favorite jokes in this entire series and i manage to always forget it's from this season

wash's apology to caboose for not being there for him (or tucker) is one of my favorite wash moments in this whole arc, if not my favorite. it's such a lovely and touching moment, and it also makes me all the more furious that epsilon a) came back at all and b) was a horrific dick to tucker in particular

felix and locus snapping at each other is, again, all the funnier When You Know because felix is so transparently enjoying "riling up" locus and locus's "shut up and be glad i missed your head" is so transparently genuine

g: holy shit, did you see that? c: NO! WHAT HAPPENED? PLEASE DESCRIBE IT TO ME.

the fucking orange juice gag

💛 aggressive, paranoid, and a little melodramatic 💛

the ongoing gag of everyone thinking they had someone to do with the crash is also so fucking good

"no, i'm a freelancer. NO, I MEAN, I'M A MERCENARY-"

again, When You Know: the implication that felix murdered the three people he came to the crash site with! delicious!

caboose's radio breaking in the middle of his speech is SO funny

"man, you are just cryptic"

ugh! ugh! the reconstruction theme coming back when wash changes his armor! gets me every time!

and with donut's line i'm immediately reminded of how fandom apparently chewed itself to pieces over thinking that wash is black/gold not steel/gold lol

(H4 wasn't kind to simmons either but w/e)

dos.0 attacking and felix immediately going "this isn't right" is, yet again, so transparent in hindsight

this is also a very fun and well-done machinima battle

rocket hog my beloved

pan across the canyon my beloved

reconstruction theme again! my beloved!

tucker's reaction to finding out that wash, sarge, and donut didn't make it is also so good. his character arc on chorus is Just So Good.

and so is kimball's intro with felix -- especially in how she exerts authority over him immediately ("you're not getting paid the full amount") and we see over time just how much felix has worked to make sure that she thinks that's what their relationship is

man. kimball. my beloved.

"you just need to try."

in conclusion: still my fave season of the chorus arc, probably

[bigtiddygothhusband]

in my head the shut up dad sword or w/e its called is like. the biggest edgiest sword on the planet. like its taller than normal, the blade is twice as wide as his head and has a bunch of thorny spiky shapes, the pommel is a skull. it just makes the image of him dragging it around so much funnier esp once hes in teeny mode.

[abattoirstars]

12, 23, & 32 (for the ask numbers!)

12. name of your favourite playlist?

oh boy big q. i've not really done it the last couple of months but i was a Monthly Playlist girl for years so there's a fair few. personally i'm fond of 'rawring 20s', my emo-heavy playlist from jan 2020, and 'm14 (not the motorway)' the playlist i made after moving back up to manchester post-lockdown. that one's probably my favourite one musically, too, at least at a glance. honorary mention to 'the post office', my playlist of post-rock and post-metal that i write essays to, which has this as the playlist art.

23. strange habits?

i do asymmetrical finger tapping when my hands aren't occupied (so left hand goes thumb to 1st then 2nd then 3rd then 4th finger, right hand does the reverse at the same time), and will also sometimes mime the initials to lyrics of songs i'm listening to? like if it was Photoshop Handsome i'd make my hands look like I W G A E L W I G T H for the opening line. C has pointed out I could/should use this to learn the BSL alphabet but I haven't done that.

32. top five favourite vines?

oh if you'd had asked me this 5 years ago i would have absolutely had a Niche Enough That You Knew I Wasn't Mainstream top 5 ready to go off the dome but i don't think i do anymore. let's go with:

you can decide whether this one is funnier or not knowing that it was posted about 3 hours after george michael died:

and then as a cop out i'm going to say anything demi adejuyigbe (electrolemon) did, most of which was Very Funny. the one that sticks in my head is the pan across a store room to reveal ben affleck's face with the opening of barenaked ladies' one week (it's been!...) in the background

ty tgl!! (using the full url feels a bit mean so initials it is lmao)

[kae-karo]

🎱🍄🏜️

For the author ask game ☺️

HELLO DEAR thank u for the ask !!!!! for context (x)

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

i'll be honest i feel like a lot of my hcs are more character-specific rather than ship specific, oddly enough? but i think one of the funnier ones that will probably persist in every iteration of ryurin is shidou salting rin's coffee. i put it in knock.me.out (x) and for some reason it just rly tickled me and i think it's a cute lil expression of their continued lighthearted antagonizing of each other no matter how long they've known each other or how much they've settled into each others' lives

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

i am sorely tempted to say 'literally every comment makes me happy' bc it's TRUE but i think my fave types of comments are either ones that pick out lines that the commenter really liked/that stood out to them/etc, or also just comments that like? the person sounds rly excited or engaged? like don't get me wrong i adore even something as simple as 'really loved this!' or w,e and i totally get that some folks just don't have the energy/time/comfort to add more, so i hope nobody takes this in the wrong way, but it def means the world to me when someone just genuinely sounds really engaged/intrigued/etc in a comment!!

send some fic author asks!!!

[thunderin-brainstorm]

this is definitely an artifabrian PSA run by Navani

[valentinoknives]

Will: I have a song I want you to listen to! I think you'll like it

Nico: What's it called?

Will: Heather by Conan Gray

[missjanjie]

Jackie: Do not fear death, fear the state at which you die.

Jan, quietly: New Jersey...

[eugeniedanglars]

karen and ted wheeler pay attention to your kids challenge [x]

[aeroplaneblues]

Gatito :3

Spoopy pick up lines comics with your fave scawy bois for the spookiest day of the year >:) 

[pseudoflesh]

I want to make more mutuals!! :)))

Like/ reblog if:

• u r a lesbian

• u r a wlw

•thts it

[sillyzone]

Tour group: *wanders through the science building*

Me, just absolutely desecrating a sausage egg and cheese bagel: 😐

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Funny, Crack and Humour Fics (Part 1)

I’ve been reading your johnlock fan fic recs for quite sometimes and it had been amazing!!

Can you suggest me some fics which are funny and smutty?or just fun to read?

(submitted by @eclecticcolordreamhairdo)

——

jonlokfe asked: Hi Steph, do you have a fan fiction Johnlock humor? O partys with scotland yard?

——–

Hi Lovelies!

Ahh, I’ve gotten a lot of requests lately for funny fics, and I’ve decided to finally just update it. I did a list a LONG time ago, but just never updated it since then. So I guess that’s what I’m doing this time around!

Because I have SO MANY FICS that all the links disappeared, I’m going to release this list in 2 Parts: First half is today, and next weekend I’ll post up the other half of the list <3

So enjoy this week’s list: the shorter fics :)

FUNNY, CRACK, and HUMOUR FICS (Part 1)

See also: Funny and Fluffy Stories

This Kiss by suitesamba (T, 731 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Drunkenness, Angst, Stag Night) – Stag Night - back at 221B - in a world where Mrs. Hudson doesn’t interrupt the guessing game with the client. Part 1 of The “This” Series

Reunited by MockJayPhoenix12 (K, 753 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Reunion) – Everything is falling right back into place, but it’s just a little too quick for John. One-shot, drabble, non-slash.

Cigarettes and Shampoo by laura0506 (T, 783 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship) – John goes to the shops to meet someone he wasn’t supposed to.

Concussions And Good Old Fashioned Awkwardness by Belldere (K+, 894 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Hospitals, Mild John Whump, Misunderstandings, Platonic Relationship, Concussions, Not-Gay John, Possessive Sherlock) – When John lands himself in hospital… again, all he wants is to just get out of there as soon as possible, too bad his doctor has other ideas about where John may be getting his injuries. Good thing concussions make everything strangely funnier.

A Need To Know Basis by mattsloved1 (G, 934 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Romance) – As the cab door shut firmly, the DI had yelled out they were to make an appearance at Scotland Yard the next day. It was while John watched London pass by that it happened.

Tidying Up by mattsloved1 (K+, 951 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship) – John comes home to a thoroughly cleaned flat. Or so it seems.

Realisation by Susie.Donym (K+, 957 w., 1 Ch. || Sally POV, Pre-Slash / Friendship, Humour) – It takes her a while but Sally finally makes a huge realisation.

Texts and Tea by JillianWatson1058 (K, 959 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Texting, Humour, Fluff, POV John, Cranky John) – A John who is woken up at 2:30 in the morning is not a happy John. Sherlock, frankly, doesn’t care. He just wants his tea.

My Unfortunately Average Sized Cranium by Haelia (K+, 996 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Headache, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Past Drug Use, Doctor John) – In which Sherlock has a migraine. ALMOST Johnlock. Not quite.

Secrets by 796116311389 (G, 1,084 w., 1 Ch. || Drunk Sherlock, Drunk Confessions, Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Pining Sherlock) – “He is the best person in the world and sometimes I get sad because I’m not. Not his best person.”

Mizzle by MrsNoggin (K, 1,233 w., 1 Ch || Friendship, Fluff, Platonic Johnlock, Humour, Slice of Life) – John can’t decide if it’s raining or not. Sherlock doesn’t understand.

Hallucinations can’t open doors by Bespectacled dreamer (K+, 1,330 w., 1 Ch. || Reunion, Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Hallucinations, John’s Wedding, Light Humour) – In which John gets married and Sherlock gets a broken nose.

God Save The Queen by Alice Day (K+, 1,398 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Mystery, Friendship) – Sherlock has a new case. John is petrified. The Queen is amused.

Out on da pull by I-O-U-a-picture (T, 1,375 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship) – John going ‘out on da pull’ and getting so close to getting digits so many times but Sherlock just conveniently keeps turning up prattling on about eyeballs in the microwave…

Three Ways Sherlock Conformed to His Stereotype by Jennistar1 (K+, 1,445 w.,  1 Ch. || Humour, Cranky Sherlock) – “It’s a hat.” / Urge to roll eyes, quashed. “Yes. I can see that.” / “It’s called a deerstalker.”

You Should Have Let Me Sleep! by theraggedypond (T, 1,542 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Sleepy Sherlock, Cranky Sherlock, Domestics) – After a three day case with no sleep and hardly any food, Sherlock is recovering from it by playing comatose. John finds out what happens when you wake up London’s favorite consulting detective.

Happy Birthday John by Starlight05 (K, 1,580 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, John’s Birthday, Shopping, 3rd Person POV John) – When an important date comes up, Sherlock finds himself doing something he never has before - shopping! But will he succeed and manage to get his best friend a present?

and yes I said yes I will Yes by Mithen (T, 1,662 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Humour, Est. Rel. Marriage Proposal) – Sherlock has deduced that John is going to propose to him, and he’s ready to accept. If only John would actually get around to it…

You Can Imagine The Christmas Dinners by johnsarmylady (T, 1,780 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Family, Introspection, Fluff, Post-ASIP) – Set the morning after a Study in Pink, John sits and contemplates Mycroft’s words.

In Which John is a BAMFy MoFo, OMG! by Kantayra (T, 1,835 w., 1 Ch. || Humour) – John’s BAMFness and Sherlock’s damsel-in-distress act are caught forever on camera. So Scotland Yard can mock. A lot.

The Video Footage by bitchinblackframedglasses (K, 1,894 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Fluff, ASiB Missing Scene) – What exactly DID Lestrade film Sherlock doing in A Scandal in Belgravia? Sherlock wants to know, and John tells him.

The Adventure of the Mysterious Appearance of Tissues by Gwen’s Blue Box (K+, 1,910 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Humour, Sick John, Caring Sherlock, Hurt/Comfort) – In which there is a case, John has caught a cold and is not interested in investigating, Mrs Hudson is away and Sherlock does the shopping.

Baskerville After Dark by Ttime42 (T, 1,921 w., 1 Ch. || THoB, Friendship, Humor, Bed Sharing, Missing Scenes, Cranky John, Cuddles) – John and Sherlock have to share a bed at Baskerville. Gen, but can be preslash.

Text Me When It’s Over by immaculately-flawed  (K+, 1,937 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Post-TRF, Texting, Sort-Of Pining Sherlock) – After the fall Sherlock starts writing texts to John. Of course, he never sends them… Until he does by accident. Post Reichenbach fic but not angsty.

Cards by Caighlee (K+, 1,954 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Games) – Sherlock has been without a case for a few days and Molly’s suggested experiment - something with a pig head (ew) - is losing it’s appeal. Can John come up with something that’ll distract Sherlock for a bit longer? And how did John pull off that card trick? Sherlock’ll never know because a magician never tells a secret. Except maybe when faced with a smiling Consulting Detective.

The Perfect Place by SilverSmile (K+, 1,955 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Romance, 5 and Ones, Fluff, Experiments, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock attempts to find the perfect place to sleep, but his little experiment proves to be far more difficult than expected.

They’re Taking My Wisdom by whitchry9 (K+, 1,939 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Drugging, Dentists, Friendship, Anxious Sherlock, Humour) – Sherlock goes to the dentist. Of course, being Sherlock, things have to be complicated. Oh and drugs. They’re always fun.

Foresight by niffler09 (K, 2,015 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Holmes Brother Bickering) – It’s raining and neither John nor Sherlock have an umbrella so they huddle under Sherlock’s coat. And then Mycroft walks past and makes smartass remarks.

Caught in the Act – by Mycroft by ShirleyCarlton (E, 2,040 w., 1 Ch. || Unintended Voyeurism, Mycroft’s POV, Blow Job, Humour) – Mycroft had only planted the camera for Sherlock’s own good, simply to keep an eye on his little brother and make sure he was alright. He hadn’t quite meant to see his brother this content, however… Part 4 of Caught In The Act

Never Have I Ever by Hannelore-Grace (T, 2,073 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Drinking Games) – In which the Yarders, Sherlock, and John play the time-honored drinking game.

Denial Isn’t Just a River in Egypt by satanatemycat (T, 2,107 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Texting, Bored/Cranky Sherlock) – In which John makes a bet with a co-worker. If he wins, she shuts up about him and Sherlock being a couple. If he loses… well, that doesn’t matter, because he won’t lose. Because he and Sherlock ARE NOT a couple. Right?

The Imminent Danger of a Tumblr-Night by Loveismyrevolution (T, 2,135 w., 1 Ch. || Tumblr Fics, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock is Out of His Depth, Humour, Fluff, Pining Sherlock, Military Kink, POV Sherlock) – Sherlock gets into trouble when he pretends to know all about John’s favourite social media site - tumblr. To save face he seeks help from one of the bloggers and gains more answers than he had aimed for.

At Least Make It Interesting by amythedork (K, 2,140 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Angst) – “You’ve reached Sherlock Holmes. For the love of God, if you’re going to leave a message, at least make it an interesting one. If this is Mycroft, then piss off.” / A series of voicemails John left Sherlock throughout their time together.

The Case of the Missing Blogger by nicknack22 (K, 2,147 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Humour, Friendship, Worried / Anxious Sherlock) – Alternately titled, The Case of the Oblivious Consulting Detective. In which Sherlock comes out of his mind palace to discover John missing. 221B does not fair well as a result.

Spilt Milk by Erin Giles (K+, 2,222 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort) – John comes back from a trip to the supermarket only to take a trip up the stairs. Both shopping and blood are spilled leaving Sherlock to play the role of Doctor.

A Study in Lace by KarlyAnne (E, 2,320 w., 1 Ch. || Established Relationship, Crafty Sherlock, Tiny Lace Panties / Lingerie, Domestics, Experiments, Oral, Masturbation) – “Why do you suppose he was doing that?” “Why do I suppose who was doing what?” “The room. The lace. The secrecy. He was playing with fire in everything he did, and didn’t care one bit. But he had a secret chamber, carefully concealed, solely for the purpose of making lace lingerie. Obviously for personal use. Why?“ Part 1 of The Unintentional Crafts of Sherlock Holmes

Reunions, Rowdiness and Phone Calls by Jennistar1 (T, 2,348 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Drunk John, Low-Key Pining Sherlock) – John goes on a school reunion and gets drunk. Sherlock solves some crimes and gets some interesting phone calls.

Work On Your Balance by speculate (K+, 2,448 w., 1 Ch. || Embarrassed Sherlock, “For A Case”, Skating, Fluff, Friendship, Humour) – In which John is actually pretty good at ice skating, Sherlock’s not and insists it’s all for a case , and Lestrade is pretty amused by it all.

Wintery Hell by Belldere (K+, 2,457 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship & Humour, Christmas) – With Sherlock being roped into spending Christmas with his family, John had his own Christmas all planned out with his other friends and family… That is until he’s extended a forceful invitation from Mycroft and an assumption from Sherlock who, once again, failed to notice John wasn’t in the room when he 'asked’.

Manipulation by sixbynine (K+, 2,566 w., 1 Ch. || Experimenting John, Reverse Psychology) – John Watson is not as unobservant as Sherlock thinks, nor is he above using what he knows. Even if it is just to make sure Sherlock eats and sleeps.

Not Rocket Science by Nitrospira (T, 2,571 w., 1 Ch. || Drama, Humour) – Sherlock and John Watson are handcuffed to a bed while investigating a double homicide on the International Space Station. But Sherlock isn’t sure which is more tedious: a killer on the loose or John’s endless complaints.

Nothing Left Untouched by ForeverShippingJohnlock (K+, 2,617 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Romance, Bed Sharing, Oblivious Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Grumpy John, Fluff and Cuddles) – Sherlock rearranges the flat. So what if John’s bedroom is now a research library. It’s not like John needs a bedroom, he can share with Sherlock. They’re friends and John has obviously slept in close quarters with men before and it’s not like Sherlock sleeps much anyway. It’ll be fine.

Insomnia by TheSingingGirl (K+, 2,635 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Bed Sharing, Sleepy Sherlock) – Sleep is merely the next frontier in what has become the battle to keep Sherlock alive. It’s because of this that John ends up in bed with a sociopath.

John’s Drawers by JezebelGoldstone (T, 2,646 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, First Kiss, Romance, Humour) – Sherlock snoops through John’s drawers and finds something… unexpected.

BBCSH 'The Comfort of Company’ by tigersilver (T, 2,769 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF/Mary, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Bed Sharing, Grumpy John, Touching, Clingy/Handsy Sherlock, Cranky Sherlock, Fluff and Light Angst) – It’s a trope that John and Sherlock end up sharing in the same bed eventually and I admit I do adore it unconditionally, along with all it infers as to the lowering of defenses and the heightening of trust. I put forth for your consideration that the notion persists because those who think about these things realize these two men are each in dire need of some good company.

Bored Games by patster223 (K+, 2,769 w., 1 Ch. || Cluedo / Board Games, Friendship, Humour) – Sherlock is bored and John decides that they should play Cluedo. In retrospect, it was a truly awful decision.

Your love it feels so good by Hotaru_Tomoe (E, 2,843 w., 1 Ch. || Gay Club / Gay Bar, Lingerie, Stripping, Anal, Crossdressing, Strip Tease, First Time) – Sherlock is last at a quiz night and is forced by Anderson to perform in a gay stripclub. John must be with him, because he will have to record the performance. Sherlock takes the task very seriously. Part 20 of The English job

Tipsy by katkin (T, 2,781 w., 2 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Drunk Sherlock) – "I love everyone in this room,” he announced proudly.“I know you do, buddy,” John replied “Which is why you’re going to clean this carpet in the morning. Because you’re a good friend.” “I am a good friend!” Sherlock agreed.

All in a Day by chappysmom (K+, 2,920 w., 1 Ch. || Kidnapping, Sherlock POV,  Humour, Light Angst, BAMF John) – Oddly enough, it seemed like this time, Sherlock had been kidnapped for no other reason than to pressure John. In other words, this had nothing to do with him. Really, this on top of the blow to the head was enough to make him dizzy.

33 by Indigo Blue.x (K+, 2,936 w., 1 Ch. || Humour) – “I haven’t made a zombie,” Sherlock says scathingly, which would be more convincing if there were not a zombie in the flat.

Right Foot Red by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 3,089 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss/Time, Board Games, Frottage, Masturbation, PWP, Friends to Lovers, Come as Lube, Come Marking) – …ok, it’s juvenile, but at least it’s a game where touching is allowed. And if something more were to happen, well, John can’t say he’d be too upset about that. “What are the rules of this game?” Sherlock asks, the disdain evident on the word ‘game’. “I spin, you do as I say.” John thinks he sees a slight widening of those pale grey eyes at that, just for a fraction of a second, before it is shut down. Oh, this is interesting, he thinks.

The Sweetest Taste In The World by crossroads (G, 3,121 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Jealous Sherlock, Fluff, Pining, Friends to Lovers) – The sweetest taste in the world is rarely ever the easiest to come by.

How to Court Your Blogger by PipMer (K+, 3,124 w., 1 Ch.  || Romance, Humour, Fluff) – Sherlock Holmes sets out to court his flatmate. Things might progress more rapidly if he would inform said flatmate of his intentions.

Entanglement by orphan_account (G, 3,218 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Confessions, Physics, Texting, Christmas, Mind Palace, Sick Fic, Fluff, Humour, Holidays) - On Christmas Eve, snow covers London, John visits Harry, and Sherlock and Mrs. Hudson untangle some knots.

Bathroom Accessories by Evenlodes_Friend (E, 3,324 w., 1 Ch. || Sex Toys, Butt Plug, First Kiss / Time, Romance, Horny Sherlock, John’s Patience Wears Thin, Humour, Bottomlock) – John discovers that Sherlock has been playing with some very adult toys in the bath.

Apodyopsis by QuinnAnderson (E, 3,347 w.,1 Ch. || PWP, Rough Sex, Table Sex, Anal, Sexual Tension) – Apodyopsis: (æpəʊdaɪˈɒpsɪs) noun. the act of mentally undressing someone. Part 2 of Undressed

Twas The Night by xox-hattii-xox (K+, 3,356 w., 1 Ch. || Humour & Friendship, Christmas, Domestics, Fluff) – Twas the night before Christmas…and Sherlock has had just about enough of the whole thing! 'Really, John, a Santa Hat’ Christmas in 221b, and Sherlock just wants it over with.

The Second Law of Thermodynamics by entanglednow (T, 3,614 w., 1 Ch. || Asexual Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Sharing Body Heat) – In which there’s no heating and there’s a dead owl in Sherlock’s bed. Part 1 of Thermodynamics

Doesn’t Follow Me Everywhere by Janec Shannon (T, 3,784 w., 1 Ch. || Humour and Friendship) – “He doesn’t follow me everywhere, you know.” Silly John, of course he does what with your penchant for getting kidnapped.

Paranoia by Ewebie (M, 3,789 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Drinking Games, Scotland Yard Gang, Jealous / Possessive Sherlock, Inappropriate Questions, Embarrassed John, Matchmakers) – John and Sherlock join the gang of Scotland Yard for a night of drinking, and it gets a bit personal and revealing.

Equine Arse Anonymity by Kayjaykayme (E,  3,834 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Public Sex, Coming in Pants, Humour, Halloween, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock needs to speak with suspects at a fancy dress ball. He chooses a couple’s costume for himself and John. It is logical, practical and well thought out. John doesn’t agree and exacts sweet revenge.

Well Begun Is Half Done by Avice (E, 3,897 w.,1 Ch. || Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Anal/Oral, Seduction, John in Charge, Pining Sherlock, John’s Penis, Bottomlock) – Sherlock is putting together an elaborate plan of seducing John. John grows tired of waiting and takes matters into his own hands.

Jukebox by standbygo (T, 3,990 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Singing/Music, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Hurt/Comfort, Humour, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss) – After the music halls of Sherlock’s mind palace get damaged by accident, John learns that Sherlock never forgets a song. Even the ones he’d rather forget. But the random singalong brings some unexpected benefits.

Tree Topper by May_Shepard (E, 4,017 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas Tree, Christmas Fluff, Drunken Shenanigans, Smut, First Time, Friends to Lovers) – Sherlock and John are celebrating Christmas the best way they know how–alone together, with booze. They’ve almost finished decorating their tree, but John is determined to find the best way to top it.

The Oolong Disaster by unicornpoe (T, 4,151 w., 1 Ch. || John’s Beard, Fluff, Humour, Frustrated Sherlock, John Takes Care of Sherlock, Case Fic-ish, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Possessive Sherlock) – John has a beard. Sherlock has a panic attack.

Sherlock Holmes and the Mysterious Piercing by Lorelei_Lee (E, 4,130 w., 1 Ch. || Travelling, Sherlock is Loud, Secrets, Genital Piercing, First Time, Licking, Coming Nearly Untouched) – John discovers by chance that Sherlock has a piercing. To his surprise John can’t stop thinking about it…

Date Night by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 4,451 w., 1 Ch. || Anxious / Worried Sherlock, Caring John, Schmoopy Fluff, Fidget Cube, Baking / Cooking, Date Night, Established Relationship, POV Sherlock Holmes, Understanding John, Grumpy Sherlock, John’s Bum, Kisses, Hugs, Domestic Fluff, Touching, Hair Petting, Light Humour) – It’s John and Sherlock’s first Date Night as an official couple and Sherlock needs it to be PERFECT. Mrs Hudson helps. Part 7 of I-J’s Tumblr Ficlet Collection

The Care and Keeping of Your Mad Genius by Janieshi (T, 4,553 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TGG, Friendship, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Light Humour/Teasing, Alternating POV, Cranky Sherlock) – If he hadn’t been so focused on holding the bastard still, John would have laughed aloud. This maniac really thought John was the pet in this dynamic?

Because Blah Blah Blah Happy by cwb (E, 4,578 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Cuddles, Kissing, First Kiss, Requited Love, Pining Sherlock) – John is entirely done with the milk situation and gives Sherlock a list of shit he’s pissed about. Sherlock sets out to make John happy. John is happy. Sherlock makes his own list. They are both very, very happy.

Carry On by Mazarin221b (M, 4,647 w., 1 Ch. || 5 and Ones, H/C, Afghanistan, Frottage, Hand Jobs, First Time, Drunk John, Hospitals, Humour, Soft Sex) – Five times John didn’t want to be carried, and one time he did.

Given In Evidence by verityburns (M, 5,034 w., 19 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Angst, Drama, Case Fic, Romance, BAMF!John, Submissive Sherlock, First Kiss, Humour) – Coming back from the dead can be a complicated business. With a new case on the horizon, rebuilding a life is one thing… rebuilding a friendship quite another. For Sherlock and John, things may never be just the same…

[salmalin]

What If Rasler Were Trans?

I'm never going to find time to write this as a fic, but a while back I got this possibility in my head that Rasler was Trans. Why? Because Ashe and Rasler bonded really quick, canonically, but outright say it wasn't a political marriage... and my brain immediately jumped to, "What if Rasler is trans and allowed to be herself in private around Ashe?"

But then, after mulling it around a bit, I thought of something infinitely funnier.

Rasler is a trans man who was originally sent to Dalmasca to be Ashe's lady in waiting, but lied on his transcripts.

HEAR ME OUT.

So. Rasler. Trans man extraordinaire. Why not? It's a fun idea.

So imagine Rasler is being sent to Dalmasca originally to be Ashe's Lady In Waiting. He sees this as an opportunity, you know?

This would explain:

1. Why Rasler is the only Hume Dude in Dalmasca not part of the army who covers his chest on the regular. We even see the King's tits.

Look. Tits. "They've got on the Fancy Armor", you must be thinking. "Surely it's just decorative." Yeah, so is Rasler's. Rasler is also wearing ceremonial armor. And it is covers Everything. "But Sal, he's from Nabradia, not Dalmasca."

Listen.

Listen.

I do not care.

More than that;

Look at that. That's surprise. Rasler obviously wasn't intended to go into battle. He's just wearing the most conservative armor physically possible in the lineup of ceremonial armors. Even the king's got his tits out. It's hot in Dalmasca -- man knows what he's about. Rasler must be sweltering. (The things we do to cover our chests. Binding. Layers. Full plate armor.)

Even Ashe wears less than him. She's in a tube top with sleeves and he's in full plate armor in direct sunlight in midday w i t h a c a p e. You cannot tell me that's the decision of a man without a reason. If he is cisgender then that is a lot of decisions and they are all bad.

2. Why Vaan didn't know about Rasler.

Admittedly, this is a minor note.

3. Ashe and Rasler's relationship.

So in Japan you don't really say "I love you." It's a rare thing to say -- they prefer actions over words, to the point where it's a once in a lifetime thing, depending on how you say it. But also I don't think Ashe and Rasler were in love because if you look at the timeline, they don't get much time together. Barely months. More than that, they don't even present it to the people as such.

Look at that. Look at that dialogue.

Rasler could totally be trans. Admit it. Admit it.

Ashe looks at him extremely tenderly, and he looks upon her as well. Do I think they had a whirlwind romance? Neither of them really seem like the type. They're both impulsive, but that's for jumping into battle.

BONUS: Not a point, but this gives the "That I be considered worthy" line way more significance because trans reasons and that makes me happy. Especially if the King is in on it.

Followed by an immediate pan to Ashe:

That is the face of a woman who knows what's up.

(On a side note, the Viera Lady Knight behind her? Her design is what's UP. I wanna know more about her!)

NOW. We're done with the slideshow. (I promise. There's not many more photos I can add, anyways. Thanks, Tumblr.)

The timeline would be thus.

Rasler's Pops would send him to Dalmasca to be the Lady In Waiting and/or Royal Companion to Princess Ashe because Rasler is miserable in Nabradia. They have a long history of friendship and peace between their countries to the point where the people legit only see their relationship as a political symbol between their Kings. That's Some Freakin' Friendship right there. So naturally it's a safe bet for sending your "princess" to maybe get a fresh start and make some friends.

Now, Rasler? Rasler sees this as a Chance. Rasler knows that no one knows him in Dalmasca. He can be Whoever he wants. So what does he do? He dolls himself up, forges his own papers, and goes to Dalmasca in style *cough* full plate armor *cough* and introduces himself a Prince Rasler of Nabradia, who is there to court the Princess Ashe of Dalmasca (because there's only so much he can forge without someone sending a letter back and the "Princess's Companion" is the best cover to keep him flying under the radar as long as possible.)

N O W. Here's where it gets dicey.

So Ashe finds out pretty quickly, probably. He likely tells her, and she's totally on board with it and she's like, "I respect a man who can fool an entire Kingdom for things that are important but also largely harmless. Also I've got several older brothers -- there's no way I'll have to produce an heir." Cue nervous laughter.

So they hook up! Ashe is totally Rasler's beard and confidant, and they bond over stuff. Bonus points if Ashe is gay and practicing her "in love" face when looking at Rasler to fool people. (I imagine she's pretending to look at that Viera guard we see in the "HYAAAAA" scene.)

(I mean, look at her. She's incredible. The armor. Her hair. The fact that she could rip your face off but won't, has claws, and wears shoes that could double as a deadly weapon in a pinch. What's not to love? But alas -- forbidden love, because this Viera is very likely at least 30 times Ashe's age. But she can dream, right?)

Anywho, Ashe is Rasler's beard.

Maybe a senator or two is send to Dalmasca, and Rasler has the cajones to show up to the meeting and look the senator dead in the eye and smile, daring him to complicate the relations between their countries. And the senator pulls the King aside as is like, "You do realize... the Princess Rasler is wearing full plate armor, correct?"

And the King is like, "This man is not sane. Please send him back to Nabradia and get us a new senator."

So they do. And the senator brings back the news, and this time they send several more senators, and during the meeting Rasler is just sitting. Right there. Staring at them. Smiling.

So they bow and scrape and treat him like a Prince, and then they leave. And they tell their King, who then makes the trip personally.

And you know what?

He lays eyes on his son -- who was so miserable in Nabradia that he sent him to another freakin' country to make friends -- and sees him smiling and waving at people and talking and being active and potentially in love with the Princess of Dalmasca and he says, "Rasler... you are a man, now."

King's just like

Free Treaty; Free Son.

That's chill. Rasler is happy. Ashe is happy. S'all good.

And then Archades gets up on their shit and moves their dick measuring contest to Nabradia where they proceed to swing a spear between their legs at everyone unfortunate enough to be in slashing distance.

But that's a different story.