#it was in the too hot to handle subreddit

[goodomensafterdark]

And now, nightingales.

This is in response to @gleafer in the Hot Lucifer Angst storyline. By subreddit user startledplatypus.

Oh lort here we go again. Very "flashing eyes and floating hair," u/gleafer you dirty rotten scoundrel, I loves you with my tiny black heart. How do you get so much into so few lines??? I'm sOo jEaLouS ;D

Lucy is perfectly awful and yet still awfully perfect. Well done. Villains always think they're the heroes. He thinks he's showing love to Azi by making him suffer. That it's Lucy's job to do that. Small wonder Lucy sees Crowley as a lover but not really a partner. No one is good enough for Lucy.

If anyone wants to see how Milton handles all this, check out Paradise Lost. Get a copy with a ton of footnotes. Prepare for brain overload. It's totally worth it. Then come babble with me about it. ;)

::picks pieces of self off floor, stitches them together, ponders; recalls the phrase "a murder of crows"; thinks too long about Lucifer being schooled by by Hitchcock's The Birds, and opens a blank post::

--- much later ---

"... so that's how we were made, Mama?"

"Yes, dear. Long ago." Through the window, they could see Aziraphale was still pressing his hand to his lips.

"So why didn't we sing just now, Mama? We've always sung for him before."

"Yes, dear, we have. But now isn't the right time."

The quite young nightingale considered the still quite young angel. "When will it be time, Mama?"

The mother bird cupped her youngling with one wing. "We'll know. We all will."

"How?"

"There is a reason we are called a watch."

***

"JUMPED?? ... and you did what, WATCHED?"

"For days."

"Wotcher mean, days?"

"Five days, four hours, and twenty-eight minutes. That's how long you fell."

"..."

"... I thought... I thought that... maybe if I could make you forget... it would somehow make up for not being able to stop you. For not being able to stop him. For all the times he made you forget, whenever you questioned him."

"How many...."

"Don't make me say it. Please. It's why I made you forget."

"HOW MANY?!"

"TOO MANY!! JUST ONCE WAS TOO MANY!!"

"AND HOW IS THAT DIFFERENT FROM WHAT YOU DID?!"

"... It's not."

[imaginaryberries]

Recently I saw someone on the Glasgow subreddit post about an experience they'd had in primary school of being taken to a 'safety centre' as a class where they were put through various simulations of dangerous situations - like loads of wee rooms, one for example being set up to be a train platform with a track that had a fiver on it, to show the dangers of jumping on to the tracks, that sort of thing. Reading the post was like a jumpscare because I remember this too, and the one that always haunted me was the one that was set up like a kids' bedroom and they showed you all the potential fire hazards - plug sockets by beds, charger cables getting hot etc.

Something I'd forgotten though, but then vaguely remembered once I'd read it, is that they also then simulated a fire happening. Like, room filled with smoke, people banging on doors and acting like it was real etc and you had to escape without making the mistake of grabbing the door handle (as it would be hot and your skin would melt and stick to it) and whatever.

The thing is. Obviously unbeknownst to them but still something that could be predicted to have happened to at least some of the children going through this. I had already had a traumatic fire experience very similar to this a few years previously. When I was a kid my dad's neighbour set his flat on fire and we all had to be evacuated. It was a Defining Childhood Event for me.

Like. The OP of the Reddit post only wrote it in the first place because they'd been explaining it to Australian friends who were horrified. It just seems an insane thing to put children through when like I said, there's bound to be a portion of them who will be legitimately retraumatised by it. I'm a lot better than I was but I have previously been, like, OCD-level anxious about fire, and those two incidents - in fact the 'safety centre' one more than the actual fire - are absolutely the reason why. Obv teaching kids to be careful is important but I feel like there are better ways to do it lol

[thedawningofthehour]

I'll be honest, after the emotional beating of the last chapter I was really considering taking a break from the fanfic until more chapters were updated, however, my curiosity was stronger and I ended up reading chapter 14 and all I can say is.... Thank you.

Taking a time jump was very helpful for the readers to breathe and not have to deal with the aftermath of the failed rescue, which would have been very heavy.

Seeing Big mama will always be welcome, and OH MY GOD! what a woman! The fact that she is already 5 steps ahead of everyone shows why she is the most powerful woman in the hidden city. Donnie will be back with his brothers, one way or another, even if one of those ways means he will now have a new stepmom. But hey, at least she won't brainwash your father into forgetting about you and keep you away!

By the way, I find Splinter's relationship with big mama quite interesting. Despite what she did to Splinter, he still loves her, and I think that's because of the time they spent together. Lou met Bmm in 1984 and the writers said he spent 10 on the nexus, if we do the math then that would mean they were together for 20 YEARS, TWENTY YEARS! no one spends that much time with someone without developing a deep bond, for better or worse. Also, we have several clues that his time in the nexus wasn't all bad, Big mama certainly gave him a lot of privileges, I still don't know why lou was in that little cell when Huggin and Munnin went after him, but I have theories.

Sorry if this is long, but I'm a sucker for hero x villain ships. Maybe for that reason I also ship him with Draxxum.

I think it was the right decision. Originally the chapter opened up on it, but it was just...like you said. An emotional beating. Everyone was still in the adrenaline cooldown, Splinter had completely checked out, Leo was trying (and failing) not to disassociate, and it ended up being mostly a three-way fight between April, Raph, and Mikey, which in turn ended up being more of a April/Raph vs. Mikey fight because that's usually how it devolves. They were all lashing out at each other and there was no real closure to anything because they were all too upset to really talk. It was just pure angst.

Which...I know that's what you guys are here for, but I just felt there were better ways to get it across. There are some bits that turned out nice, and I'll definitely use them down the line. This just wasn't the right place for them. Leo's been mostly coping by disassociation, so my explanation is that he disassociated so hard right afterwards that he doesn't really remember it too well.

The handling of Big Mama is one of the...I don't want to say the worst things about the writing, because Big Mama is fucking great. She's an incredible character and you can tell that the writers had so much fun with her. But it seemed like they couldn't decide if she should be a redeemable villain like Draxum or the one true villain of the show. Splinter still having the hots for her after she kidnapped him-yeah, he's a himbo and a slut, I'd be more worried if he didn't make those kinds of questionable judgements.

But like...she tries to kill his kids. And not because she was tired of them messing with her shit for the fifth time that week, she explicitly states that her wealthy clients requested them. (which is another layer of what the fuck) She was literally using them to make snuff films. And then five minutes later their own father is saying there's 'still good in her'? And they say that she'd 'do anything for dad'? Except not murder his children apparently? I guess that was too hard for her?

(ooooh, I'm thinking about my 'dark armor corruption' theory in regards to Draxum's behavior at the end of s1 and if it could be applied to her-don't mind me)

Um...anyway. So my story for Splinter is that she 100% kidnapped him-like, Lou Jitsu has whole conspiracy subreddits dedicated to him and his disappearance, he is the Roanoke colonists of this universe. (even moreso now that I think about it, since it's super obvious what happened to them. A bunch of people are probably like "guys, it was the girlfriend, come on she absolutely murdered him") I headcanon that Lou Jitsu was more of a B-list or C-list star and he became a cult classic after his disappearance. Splinter didn't want to fight-but he was good at it, the adrenaline and energy from the crowd made him feel good, and the fights let him get the anger out. Since he was putting on a good show Big Mama let him have some privileges, like going out for drinks and shit, but he refused to be her arm candy anymore. The cell was definitely a recent thing-I think Big Mama got sick of him refusing to fight and threw him in there to get him to comply.

Everyone's all thirsty for Splinter in this universe and Splinter's like "I'm a single dad of four. I haven't slept in eight years. I've wiped too many butts to find them sexy." He does not have time for that.

[steamishot]

october

i'm taking things easy at work. although i have new duties, i'm kinda slacking off because they're consistent and not super time-consuming yet. we're still figuring out how i'll be handling the payroll things. for the compliance aspect, i'm in charge of ensuring mandatory trainings are completed, timesheets are being approved, and employees who are at max vacation accruals are being notified. happy to report that we have increased 19% for the mandatory training compliance since last quarter. my mom said this job is a good fit for me because i'm a nagger LOL.

i don't know why but i've made this redlands job thing to be more stressful than it needs to be. i was literally breaking out due to this stress. from my last post, i recognize that i may have viewed this job decision too personally, as how much matt cares about me. but rather, it's more personal to himself. he had just come up on one year of his first attending job in NYU, and it is a lot of stress on his part to transition from a place that he just got used to, especially if it means leaving his coworkers and a work place he's just starting to like.

i made a post in the medspouse subreddit to get other peoples thoughts. apparently socal is a rough place for his speciality (f me). usually the golden egg opportunity will have all 3 - 1. location 2. pay/benefits 3. opportunity/growth, but most people have to settle for 2 of those 3. there were a few commenters who gave up their desired location so that their med partner would be working at a better hospital/have better work conditions. currently we're reviewing the 28 page long contract for redlands.

i 100% prefer the lifestyle in LA versus NYC. obviously, there are things that i'll miss in NYC (which will still be a flight away), but overall i enjoy the spread out, quieter/less dense life, and having my super cute niece here makes this place very attractive.

LA recap:

B&F wedding was nice and pretty lowkey, with a guest count of less than 50 people. unfortunately there was some sister drama so they did not attend the ceremony, and were pretty distant during the reception. i was put at the table with their sisters and mainly hung out with their family all night.

crystal candle making with G was really nice. i enjoy our chill crafts hangouts and we stopped by blue bottle for coffee and pastries. our next activity idea is tufting.

matt slept over at my parents house for the first time ever. we did hot yoga twice, had banh xeo dinner, helped my dad install his new mattress, and helped my SIL & bro at their donut shop to do heavy lifting. i definitely value all of these things, the proximity to family and helping each other out is special to me

with his family, we did a 7 mile hike in 90 degree weather and had dinner at yang's kitchen (good food but quite overpriced - they're going for the NYC vibes in LA).

on the off time, stressing about this redlands contract

[shinidamachu]

Someone on the Inuyasha subreddit had the audacity to claim that InuKag deserved that sealing because “they’re too hot-headed and impulsive to handle this.” 🥴 Yes as if always perfectly composed, ever stoic, Lord Edgelord has NEVER made his share of mistakes or acted without thinking (as seen here coincidentally enough) CLEARLY InuKag, the people who actually willingly put their lives on the line for others aren’t to be trusted with such a delicate task, no let’s leave it all up the guy who chooses to destroy everything in his way without a second thought rather than ever once risk his own hide for the sake of others, that’s a great idea! /s

Apparently InuKag being “just too hot-headed & tempermental” was a good enough reason for them to be separated from their daughter for 14 years and for her to grow up enslaved and thinking she’s an orphan. 🥴🥴🥴

I think it's very brave of them to be that stupid in public. Once you allow yourself to be that dumb, you're no longer restrained by the laws of logic or common sense. The sky's the limit. And that's the level of freedom I aspire to achieve: to be as unintelligent as I want. No pressure. No strings attached. Not a single thought on my brain.

So yeah. On one hand, I feel sorry for them. It must be exhausting and embarrasing, having to constantly come up with poor ass excuses to justify the abismal writing of this show just because you're in too deep and can't admit it sucks ass. Especially when their earlier theory was that Sesshomaru had sealed Inukag to... wait for it... protect them and then this got debunked in favor of "no, actually he is just that much of a dick."

On the other hand, ignorance is bliss. I wish I, too, could live like them: completely out of touch with reality. Critical thinking is overrated and having standards is a prison. But alas, I'm quite aware that Inuyasha and Kagome — the most selfless and empathetic characters of the whole original show — being deus ex machina away had nothing to do with how "hot headed" and "impulsive" they were and everything to do with the fact that if they hadn't, the plot would have been resolved within twenty minutes and the side characters wouldn't get a chance to shine.

Not to mention that if Sunrise had left them out of it altogether as they should, they wouldn't be able to use Inukag as bait to keep the shippers invested and the public reception would have been even worse.

But hey! At least they do look happy being clowned. Which is more than I can say for myself.

[delabj]

This is meme driven data science

What is this map? Its the result of a few hours of finding an undocumented api, creating a script in R with {httr} to figure out where I could order Flaming Hot Mountain Dew.

Mountain dew has begun to dabble with online exclusive releases. The first that I'm aware of was Cake Smash, a vanilla cake flavored mountain dew. I have a weird personal goal to try every Mountain dew flavor at least once (looking for uproar if you have it). So I decided to try to get some. However not only did scalpers move fast but I discovered that somehow they wouldn't ship it my zip code as I was checking out. I tweeted in frustration about the event and a few weeks later was contacted by mountain dew and they sent me some for free since they hadn't made the zip code restrictions clear.

My experience was not unique many users on the mountain dew subreddit and discord were unable to have cakesmash shipped to their zip code. Thus, when flamin hot was announced to hit the dew store (not the regular release in April of 2022) they added a tool to check your zip code. I have a good number of friends in the areas around my home that I thought I could maybe have ship me the dew if I sent it to them. So I began search zip codes by hand. Then I hit a capcha. And another one.

So I did what any overly zealous coder would do, I started looking at the source code. As I did i eventually found a reference to an api endpoint that I realized would let me send the UPC and some other cookie info in a POST call. This gist is basically all the code it took to ping the api for every us zipcode

I decided to make a shiny app to share with the discord so I started mocking up a leaflet map. However I quickly found that my 33144 polygons were a few too many for my free shiny instance to handle so I ended up just cutting to states that I was asked for on the discord. The code i used was here though the data is not (too big for github)

After all that time spend planning, gathering info, and building code to aid in getting a bizarre flavor of mountain dew, the site crashed immediately and I wasn't able to order any. By the time the site was stable cans were already listed on eBay for $20.

[starkeaton]

the adventure zone: graduation character list

Well, i accidentally deleted the original graduation character list post, so here i am making another one. Oops. And as always, if anyone has important details i should add then feel free to suggest them!

Here are all the characters introduced in episodes 1-25. Named characters only!

Also i can’t hide spoilers! So, um..... I can’t put spoilers on this one. If you need the version with spoilers try this version of the post that i made on the adventure zone subreddit but youre not missing out on much.

# -EPISODE 1- (19 characters)

Hieronymous Wiggenstaff (he/him): Head of the Hero/Villain school. at least 400 years old. wears shining blue armor with gold accents. also an elf. according to Tomas, he led the charge at the "battle of blood valley", brought the Kingdoms of Rickart and Dawnbreak to a peace treaty, and founded the school. a little boastful, a little prideful, [SPOILERS OMITTED], and overall a pretty good dude.

Higglemas Wiggenstaff (he/him): Head of the Sidekick/Henchperson annex, cranky old elf. has a dog named hero who shows no signs of anything strange at all, ever. 

Gary (he/him): friendly room gargoyle. pseudo-hivemind.

Groundsy (he/him): the groundskeeper. a pretty nice fellow. don't go in his shed.

Hernandez (he/him): beautiful centaur professor of animal handling.

Jimson (he/him): human battlegrounds trainer for sidekicks/henchpeople, world famous featherweight champion, wields a staff. married to crushman.

Crushman (he/him): silver dragonborn with a sickle, and self-described beefy boy! heavyweight blood champion married to jimson. never lost a match for 8 years. full name Frostus Crushman.

Rolandus Fontaine (he/him): former prince, son of deposed king, kind of an asshole, maybe. wears a cape (important detail)

Zana (she/her): "terrifying" tiefling villain sorcerer, friend of rolandus. barkept the test tavern in ep2

Rhodes (she/her): hero ranger, friend of rolandus.

Buckminster Eden (he/him): hero guy. son of "The Iron Lord". their dad is stronger than rolandus's dad. his wiki page says rogue so i think hes a rogue? i never caught that and ive listened more times than i wish i did

Leon (he/him): softspoken buff, bald "fighter" (although i dont remember any clarification on how exactly he fights), sidekick of buckminster, around 28. anyone else keep forgetting he's bald? i keep forgetting it. >!gets sorta-drafted into becoming a falcon for higglemas and so far hasn't done much else.!<

Rainer Michelle (she/her): cheerful villainous necromancer with a floating chair. also, her name is pronounced "rainier" despite not being confirmed as such? travis ships her with fitzroy.

Tomas (he/him): human man with "kind eyes" and a good (psychic???) memory. guidance counselor.

Stewart LeBoeuf (he/him): brawny human man. serves food. there is no joke here, i promise

Mulligan (he/him): teaches potions. mentioned but doesn't appear yet. and we're like 25 episodes in. maybe we'll see him someday

Germaine, Victoria, Rattles (he/him,she/her,???/???): Skeleton crew. They live in the training room i guess, and as a result can never die, because "no one dies in the training room!" (note: someone now HAS to die in the training room). also their races are never explicitly stated but i guess they're probably human? in episode 3 travis brings up something about how many bones are in "the human body" and at this point i think i'm looking too deep into this so i'll just forget about it and you probably should too.

# -EPISODE 2- (9 characters)

Riveau (he/him): halfling, blame-taking teacher.

Mimi (they/them): gnome sidekick who builds cool robot prosthetics

Bartholemus (he/him): owl aarakocra accountant teacher, known for being the best accountant in the land and having a face some might describe as "smoochable". very pro capitalist :’( hope he gets better

Ramos (she/her): goliath teacher of shieldwork. *

Dip (she/her): sidekick, half-orc twin of pip

Pip (she/her): hero, half-orc twin of dip

Festo (they/them): fairy with "beautiful gossamer wings", independent study teacher of magic, loves to party

Snippers (he/him?): Let me tell you my story about Snippers the magic crab. When Travis gave the list of animals that Griffin could choose as Fitzroy's familiar's current form, he listed crab near the start, and this gave me excitement. Now i knew that crab was pretty unlikely but god i hoped that he would choose it. When the list went on- Bat, Cat, Crab, Frog, Hawk, Lizard, Owl, Poisonous Snake, Fish, Rat, Raven, Seahorse, Spider or Weasel- I nearly lost hope. I was hoping so hard that Griffin would choose the crab, but i was ready to accept a non-crab familiar. It was just buried in that list. It wasn't the most useful animal and it was an obscure pick. And as Travis informed him that it didn't have to keep the form for the whole campaign, Griffin said those five words i wanted to hear so, so badly. "Well then it's a crab." Folks, I do not often react physically when something happens in media. But in that moment, i remember very clearly, i fist-pumped and yelled, "YES!!!!!!"

so anyway, Fitzroy has a crab.

Jackle (he/him): kenku teacher of sneakery. creepy dude. apparently knows something about argo? also his name is not spelled "jackal" for some reason. Also in later episodes theyve started calling him "The Jackle" for some reason??? *

# -EPISODE 3- (1 character)

Dakota (they/them): tavern instructor, clad in black/red leather. no race stated? probably human. *

# -EPISODE 4- (6 characters)

Gerry & Tom (she/her, he/him): shopkeepers at barns and nobles who seem to have very bad names. also constantly competing for customers? these guys got dropped faster than the heathcliff quests, which is honestly just sad.

Barb (she/her): the bartender. runs Springs Eternal in Last Hope. has a sweet seeing-eye hawk familiar. 

Jaryd Reginald (he/him): owner of Reginald Ore. Wants the workers to be held responsible for the damage caused by the xorn. (fun fact: originally i wrote down "Jerrod" because i wanted it to sound like a fantasy name, then realized it was probably "Jared" because theyre named after listeners, but i was pleased to find it confirmed that it's actually "Jaryd")

Candice (she/her): A Miner. thought those werent allowed in bars but, i guess not. Wants the mine owner to be held responsible for the xorn's damage.

Jade Johnson Esq. (she/her): lawyer.

# -EPISODE 5- (1 character)

Xorn: a big hungry gem eating guy from the plane of earth Low-Down Deep with 3 arms and 3 legs. why did travis just say "multi-armed" instead of specifying it was 3? who knows! Anyway it leaves

# -EPISODE 6- (3 characters)

Osric (he/him): the man, the myth, the bursar. finally shows up after being mentioned in episodes 2 and 4. he's an elf. 

breeze through the willows (she/her): Pegasus attacked by demons, lost her parents. introduced in ep1 but gets a name here so fuck it. also in ep>!16!< we find out shes a "white arabian pegasus" and i dont think thats a spoiler bc we shouldve really known it from the beginning

Sabor (he/him): Librarian/research teacher. also a TORTLE. Really good at recalling stuff, i guess. kinda reminds me of Tomas's memory thing but i'm sure that's just a coincidence... *

# -EPISODE 7- (1 character)

Mosh (he/him): The goliath blacksmith who welcomes argo into the unbroken chain. Also, and this is specific to the tumblr version of this post, all the characters with an * at the end of their descriptions are also members of the unbroken chain. if someone knows how to do spoilers on tumblr please tell me

# -EPISODE 8-

:)

# -EPISODE 9- (2 characters)

Eeiïäá#æ&éñn (pronounced like "Ian") (he/him?): an imp but without a shitty voice. also happens to not be violent. what a coincidence?

Terence (he/him): a chain devil with a real demonic name. minor boss of the imps. very convincing and very threatening. has the frightening ability to make you zone out during his fight

# -EPISODE 10- (2 characters)

Althea Song (she/her): elf with autumn-orange hair. representative from heroic oversight guild. i'd like to personally thank travis for spelling her name out.

Crabtree (she/her): Artificing teacher. Long gray hair with a long grey beard. no mentioned race, one might guess dwarf but that would be an assumption i suppose. also unbroken chain member, presumably the dwarf argo didn't recognize in episode 7.

# -EPISODE 11- (3 characters)

Marie (she/her): Grey-haired elf woman. She's the school's physician, i guess. Member of the unbroken chain.

Dendra Maplecourt (she/her): Fitzroy's mom. Has hot mint gum, i guess. She was mentioned earlier but i wasn't convinced she was a real person until this episode

Cool Gary (he/him): AYY ITS ME GARYR

# -EPISODE 12-

no new characters again!

# -EPISODE 13- (7 characters hhhyyyuu)

Kale (???/???): Head of the Placement Department, in charge of real world assignments. First mentioned in Ep4 but i missed that the last few times bc it is so brief. Gives exposition about missions i guess????? is that the only reason this chara cter exists

satyr thief (unnamed) (he/him): tries to rob thundermen, dies instantly

Ogre (he/him): teamed up with the satyr. his name is ogre.

Moon (he/him): A Sidekick. small pale sullen guy. no mentioned race. Why is there another FUCKING sidekick WE HAD ENOUGH hhhyuuuuuu

Deanna (she/her): A bigoted centaur with an obnoxious voice. Malwin the Strong's second in command.

Malwin the Strong (she/her): Leader of the centaurs of the scarlet woods. Wants to appease the spirit of the scarlet woods so that thecentaurs of the scarlet woods will be protected in the scarlet woods. Had a relationship with Arturas in the past but their clashes are currently known to get pretty heated.

Arturas (he/him): Leader of the Centaurs of the Valley, i guess. Had a relationship with Malwin. Centaur. Did i mention centaur? i cant think of anything else about this character

# -EPISODE 14- (2 characters)

Calhain (he/him): Human wizard, Malwin's magical advisor. Kind of an amateur wizard in a job high above his skill level. Graduated Wigginstaff's as a hero.

Spirit of the Scarlet Woods: A spirit who requires sacrifice in order to keep Malwin's herd safe and prosperous. Not keen on dubiously canonical combos, i guess. i wouldnt be either. also apparently the sacrifice depends on personal value, not how much value it has to the spirit.

# -EPISODE 15- (2 characters)

Sylvia Nite (she/her): Fitzroy's magic theory teacher at knight night school, who he turned into a catfish by accident. oops!

Chaos (they/them, maybe more): Presumably a deity, gave Fitz his powers and wants him to give in to his chaotic desires. (physical desc: 9 foot tall, iridescent 'mother of pearl' skin, pure white eyes, fine burgundy cloak with gold/onyx lining. their physical form beyond that seems to change every time they show up.)

# -EPISODE 16-

none -w-

# -EPISODE 17-

some demins happened. the big dudes are called "Pit Fiends" and the armored demon ladies are called "Erinyes", by the way. that was incredibly hard for me to figure out the first time, especially without headphones, i thought travis was saying "pig feet" and i just could not discern what the other things were

# -EPISODE 18- (6 characters)

snow on the mountain: shire horse pegasus

storm at sea: peruvian paso pegasus, vehement defender of The Guardian. doesn't have a goofy voice.. but he could have....

thaw of the spring: a winged horse

night of no clouds: a winged hhorse

The Guardian: "An ancient and powerful being that guards the unknown forest." Has protected the flock from demons for many many years. apparently is the voice that was talking to our firbolg in episode 1?

Grey, the Demon Prince (he/him): wants to cause a war, originally wanted to kill hiero and higgs, forces the heroes to build an army to fight his. As "Fauxronimous", he has skin the *color and pattern of* (but not necessarily made of) slate splashed with liquid, pointed ears, sharp teeth, shining eyes, horns of unspecified shape. 12 fucking feet tall. wonder if the slate-looking skin is related to garys. plot twist detected? Also i recently looked at the episode descriptions and found out his name is spelled "Gray", but really does it truly matter?

# -EPISODE 19- (2 characters)

Shabree Keene (she/her): Argo's mom, killed on the Mariah, possibly by the Commodore. Long auburn hair, green eyes. Mentioned earlier but described here, so fuck it.

**Thomas** (he/him): Argo's first mate on the Mariah, as the Kraken, in his chaos-dream. may or may not actually exist.

# -EPISODE 20- (1 character)

The Commodore (he/him): Reknowned hero of the seas, military regalia, great naval hero, presumably responsible for the death of Shabree Keene. No mentioned race. Seriously, they never mention this guy's race. The only thing described about him is how he's dressed and his evil smile. Does that mean he's human? Elf? Dwarf??? Who knows! maybe it just doesnt matter. 

# -EPISODE 21-

none

# -EPISODE 22-

not any of them. not any.

# -EPISODE 23- (1 character)

Ozymondelius (sp???) (it/its): A warforged teacher who just so happens to like war or something? i guess its in the name. only mentioned in this episode, doesnt show up yet.

# -EPISODE 24-

they have a fight in the training room but nobody dies :\\ maybe next time. also no new characters. pog

# -EPISODE 25- (4 characters)

Gherkin (he/him): Tall lankier skeleton, has a scimitar and a merkin, which is a pubic wig... and he wears a jerkin? which i guess is a kind of coat? also i think hes mute 

Tibia (she/her?) : Shorter skeleton with gold teeth, and long canines. i think both of the skeletons are mute actually.

The Lich King aka Gordy (he/him): Rainer's dad. Commands armies of the undead. lives in The Crypt. described as a hooded, skull-faced man with intricate black lines on his face, but changes to a shaved-head man with dark skin and vetiligo. Abandoned as a babby, raised by traveling parents, had necromancy powers, took Rainier in. Not actually very scary at all i don't know why he did the creepy laugh. Kind of a warm fatherly figure actually. hm. also people are speculating Gordy might be short for Gordita and his parents are maybe supposed to be lup and barry but THAT S JUST A THEORY.

our firbolg's father (he/him): A firbolg who lived by the code and was there when our firbolg was banished. Came to respect our firbolg's interest in a new way of life, in his final moments.

TOTAL: 72 NPCS! (well, including 2 extra PCs, i guess.)

Average: 2.88 NPCs per episode.

i was gonna not include the bone-PCs and have it be 69 but our firbolg's dad was just too important to not respect with a spot on the list.

anyway as always make sure to smack me with a blunt object if i forgot any characters!!!!!

[just-here-for-the-moment]

Oh hey! I got tagged by both @anaaaispunk and @honestly-shite for this. 💜 I hope you find my answers illuminating. Let’s solve this crazy little mystery called Claire!

1. Why did you choose your url? I made this Tumblr so that I could just read some of my favorite smutty fics, and I didn’t think I was going to ever actually post anything. I was also a teeeeny bit embarrassed about it, so I didn’t use any of my previous social media handles. I figured I was just here for a short time, thus “just here for the moment” (And really, aren’t we all?)

2. Any side blogs? Nah. I have an abandoned Geocities page from 1998, and an abandoned Blogspot from like 2005, but that’s it.

3. How long have you been on Tumblr? May 5, 2021... so like 27 days now!

4. Do you have a queue tag? I don’t know what that is...

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? So this is like, rilly, rilly embarrassing to admit. I’ve been on the Internet since the 90s, and I knew what fanfics were, but I always thought they were kinda cheesy. (I didn’t go around making fun of people, I just didn’t read any.) So then around Nov/Dec 2020 I got hooked on Pedro Pascal and the very awesome PP subreddit. Well, somebody linked to “Heaven” by @pedroepascal and I was hooked. That was some good stuff! So then I deep-lurked a few other Tumblr fics from incognito Chrome tabs, like the good Lord intended. 😂 THEN, on the PP subreddit back in early April, there was a post asking for Tumblr fic recs. I made a comment about how I was too embarrassed to say publicly what I was reading, but it was a HOT Whiskey series, and @driedgreentomatoes asked which one, so I messaged her the link to “Hotel Hobbies” by @loversandantiheroes and so @driedgreentomatoes and I spent literally 6 weeks messaging each other hot fic recs via Reddit. Well as you can imagine it gets pretty cumbersome juggling 20 incognito Chrome tabs on your phone, so I finally made a fucking Tumblr account to keep track of everything. THEN I found the Dave York Pit crew, THEN my brain said, “What if Dave was a sub?” And I had to start writing it.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? Because I love Wonder Woman, and I’m not gonna subject y’all to a picture of my real goober face.

7. Why did you choose your header? Because I love Godzilla.

8. What’s your post with the most notes? As of today it’s “Distraction” where Javier Pena is obsessing all day about the curve under your ass. 😘

9. How many mutuals do you have? Uhhhh, is that the thing where you’re both following each other on Tumblr? I think like 35? 40?

10. How many followers do you have? 54 as of right now, woo-hoo!

11. How many people do you follow? Probably around that number, maybe a little higher?

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? That’s like asking me if I’ve ever taken a shit...

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day? More than I should

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Nah, life’s too short to argue with people who can’t punch me in person.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? I’m a survivor of actual stamped and mailed chain letters from the 1980s. You can’t scare me into reblogging that shit.

16. Do you like tag games? Sometimes?

17. Do you like ask games? Yes I love talking about myself. Ask me about the 90s!!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous? I know for a fucking FACT that @mourningbirds1 is. She’s too good for this world. Her work is fucking phenomenal!

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? Not unless Pedro Pascal, Keanu Reeves, or Chris Evans is secretly one of my mutuals. However I do have massive “girl crushes” on all of y’all brilliant ladies and your kick-ass writing!! If I’m following you I like what you’re serving up.

20. absolutely no pressure tags: Not gonna tag anyone for this; all y’all motherfuckers do what you like.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #376

“when the wind bends the branch to softly touch me  /  when the band plays your song  /  i feel strong enough to keep dreaming”

If your s/o smoked pot/did drugs would you care? Yes, but for pot that's only because it's illegal here. I also find smoking to be a turn-off, but I'd be able to look past that if it was for actual health reasons. Do people ever call you by your last name? No. Has the last person you dated/fell in love with ever seen you cry? Yes. Where are you going on your next vacation (or where do you WANT to go)? I've got none planned, nor do I know where I'd want to prioritize. Like there's South Africa, but I first need to get healthier before I could handle the heat and trudging through sand. I want to go to Yellowstone National Park to spread Teddy's ashes there (seeking permission of course), but again, I need to be in better shape before I go on a venture of photographing there, as well. I need to be healthier to do a lot of the things I want to... Do you own anything bought in another country? No. Who do you text the most? Sara. Four things you wish you had? Better health (including mental), financial stability, a job, and motivation to indulge more in my artistic hobbies. What was the last thing you cried about? Stress regarding this dog we're stuck with. What is your favorite Elvis song? Probably "You're The Devil In Disguise." Do you think you could be the next American Idol? Ha, absolutely not. Do you prefer reading fiction or non-fiction? Fiction, by a long shot. Does anybody send you money in the mail for your birthday? No. My grampa used to, but he's been dead a couple years. Who is one person you met and automatically didn’t like? I was not a fan of a doctor I once saw for my tremors. She was very rude and just threw the idea of me having Parkinson's or something at what, 17 years old or whatever? My psychiatrist knows her as well and knows she's a whackjob. Heard her name and was essentially like "ew" lmao. What monster would you be most afraid to have in your closet? A male one with a knife, I guess. I really hate knives. And men scare me anyway. Which Adam Sandler movie do you like the most? I don't know, he's in too many to possibly think of one right off the top of my head. Who was one of your first celebrity crushes? Jesse McCartney was my first true love, haha. Have you ever been hit on through text messages? Yes. Do you have to do any yard work? No. Have you ever mowed the lawn? No. Do you get an allowance? No. Did you ever know your great grandparents? I think I knew one? There was this woman from my childhood I knew as "GG" for "great grandma," but I have no recollection of who she was related to or even if she was directly related to me. I remember that I really really liked her, though. Do you like the taste of Tums? It's the texture I really don't like. The candy-like Tums though, y'know, not the chalky ones, I like more than someone should like medicine, haha. How about Pepto Bismol? Omfg no. Do you have a fast or slow metabolism? I have a slow metabolism, but thank Christ it's not as bad as when I was on Abilify. That stupid fucking medicine was the reason I gained so much weight that I haven't been able to lose. What’s your favorite onomatopoeia? (Crash, bang, zoom, meow) I dunno. Do you eat ramen? There's only one specific kind of ramen I've had that I like: Yakisoba's spicy chicken one. Sweet or regular pickles? Regular. I don't like sweet pickles. What kind of dreams do you have most often? Since my nightmares started, violent ones. I'm usually trying to defend myself or lashing out at someone myself. What do you do for personal growth? I try to be a deep thinker, for one. This can way too easily lead to overthinking, but I appreciate that I think it at least helps me learn from my mistakes and work towards making me a better person. I need to start challenging my anxiety more, as that would definitely be massive growth... If you could read anyone’s mind, who would be the first person you’d read? Jason's, only because all I want to know is if he thinks I was emotionally abusive after the breakup or not. But I also don't want to know. Do you have a makeup item or style trick that you feel improves your look significantly and that you feel like you couldn’t go without now that you have it? No. What’s your favourite cereal? Probably Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but I like a lot of cereals. Do you prefer red wine or white wine? I don't like wine. Way too bitter. Do you read Reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like? I don't, but I've thought about lurking on a reptile husbandry one or something like that. Might learn some stuff. But at the same time, there are so many conflicting and very strong opinions amongst hobbyists to the point of awful toxicity that I'd rather not read. Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend? No. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? God no. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play? Probably Scrabble back when Sara visited. Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why? Cash, because I don't have a debit or credit card. Do you believe sex should be mandatory in an ongoing dating relationship? Um, no? Some people don't care for it, and that's completely fine. Have you ever recorded yourself doing a cover of a song? No. Any secrets you’d never tell anyone? No matter how close they are to you? Yes. Do you like deviled eggs? NO. FUCK that yolk shit. What career are you most interested in? I still think my first career goal, a paleontologist, would be most interesting and exciting. Like just IMAGINE discovering a new dinosaur. And it's such a job of passion - you have to be so, SO careful and invest so much time in slowly recovering it from millions of years of rock and sand and time. I can only imagine the feeling of accomplishment when an excavation is complete. Have you ever seen a rooster? Yeah? What do you think about religion? Honestly, I personally wish it had never been a thing. It's brought with it so much hatred and bigotry, but I do acknowledge at the same time it's brought great comfort and hope to some people, and that's wonderful. But just all things considered, I feel it's done more harm than good. What’s your favorite sweetheart name (baby, honey, angel, dumpling) Probably "lovely." Has a little kid ever fallen asleep on your lap before? Yes, back when I babysat my neighbor's kid once. Have you ever thrown a grenade? Yikes, no. Have you ever talked face to face with someone famous before? No. Have you ever owned a rocking horse? I don't think so? If you could meet anyone in the world who would it be? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Have you ever wished you were dead? Yes. Is it awkward when people start talking all deep around you? No, I actually like deep convos. Have you ever played the old school Pac Man arcade game? Possibly? Ever played Mario Karts on Nintendo 64? No. Have you ever been scuba diving? No. Can you surf/boogie board? No. Do you like Chinese food, Mexican food, or American food better? American. What’s your favorite thing to order from Taco Bell? Cheese quesadilla and fiesta potatos. Sometimes I get the cinnabon delight thingies, but I avoid 'em with how unhealthy they are. Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers? Pretty hot. Do you like to swing? I LOVED swinging as a kid. I haven't done it in a very long time now. How about jumping on a trampoline? I loved that as a kiddo, too. I haven't done that in years. What are you favorite color eyes? Sapphire blue or like an emerald green. Do you have long arm hair? Nah, at least I don't think so. What third generation console is your favorite? PS3, Xbox 360, or Wii? I loved my PS3. I'm still so bummed mine broke. How often do you like to have sex? I'm not sexually active, but even when I was, I didn't care. Do you have a facial expression you seem to pull a lot? What is it? Not really. I think I look stoic most of the time. Do you always listen to music when you’re online? No; I usually have a let's play or something like that on that I can split my screen and watch while doing something else. If so, what are you currently listening to? I'm listening to "Love Goes On And On" by Lindsey Stirling and Amy Lee right now. Do you ever forget how to do really simple things? Like what? Yes, like how to control the laundry machine and other things like that. There's just so many options that I never, ever remember what to set it to, no matter how many times Mom shows me. That's how my memory is with most things these days, really... Were you born with naturally straight teeth? No; I needed braces. If you were the opposite gender, what name would you like to be called? Uhhh maybe Severin. Do you prefer original or sour Skittles? I love both, but sour wins. What about chocolate or peanut M&M’s? I also enjoy both, but the original are better. Your favourite band: Do you prefer their old or new stuff? That's like... impossible to answer, lol. I just love everything. Do you check to make sure your ear phones are going in the right ear? No. Do you secretly still listen to Ace of Base? I have no idea who that is. Have you ever broken someone else’s bone? No, thank goodness. I'd feel awful. Is it stupid to think you can write a book at thirteen? No?????????? There are incredibly talented writers out there at young ages. Hell, I remember as a kid, I wanted to be the youngest published author way before that age. Are you ever embarrassed about what you dream about? There've been some I wouldn't share. Have you ever had sex with someone as a favor? No, and I never would. Does your mom let you date? I'm 25, my dude. She let me when I felt ready, though. If you had the last person you kissed’s Facebook password, would you go snooping through their stuff? Why or why not? She doesn't have one, but hypothetically, fuck no. Because that's none of my damn business, and it still wouldn't be even if we were still dating. Have you ever fainted? If so, when was the last time? If not have you ever come close? I've fainted once when I was a teen and have come close many other times. Ever take a keyboarding class? Do you type using the skills you learned in class, or how you used to before you took the class? Yeah; it was mandatory for I think one year in middle school. I type how I was taught in there. Do you find your best friend’s significant other/crush attractive? She doesn't have an s/o, and idk who her "real" crush is, as much as she'd love Frieza to be real, haha. What do you do with your clothes that don’t fit anymore or just don’t want? Donate them. Do you cut out coupons? My mom will keep some fast food ones she gets in the mail sometimes. Did you ever breathe in helium and talk funny afterwards? I think I did once at a birthday party, but I'm unsure. Would you ever open your own business? If so, what kind of business could you imagine yourself having? I want to be a freelance photographer so, so badly. I want to specialize in nature and wildlife, but having a boudoir studio would be great to help keep me afloat, plus I adore the art of boudoir. I've shot it once for an old friend, and by god, I loved how empowered it made her feel, especially as a plus-sized woman. She adored the pictures, and I'd just love to help other clients feel like they're gorgeous in their unique body, too. Last type of candy you ate? I had a donut from Starbuck's yesterday. Did you decorate your house for Halloween? If so, how many decorations? Did you go all out, or just put up a few things? Mom and I don't really decorate anymore. :/

[radramblog]

My commander decks, Pt. 2

I don’t like leaving these two-parters open for too long, so I’m gonna nip this one in the bud now.

Zada, Hedron Grinder- Mono-Red Storm/Tokens

My Zada deck came from having played a weird Red/Green Werewolves/Zada Aggro/Combo deck in Shadows over Innistrad standard, and then getting to come back to it some time later since a lot of those cards took a really long time to rotate out for some reason. The deck was, admittedly, kind of a pile, but it was huge fun and could just kill people out of nowhere. This commander deck, based on a very well-put-together list on tappedout, spawned from how much I ended up loving Zada, with her unique effect lending surprisingly well to an all-in combo deck. 

This deck doesn’t come out of the box very often, and for pretty good reason. Not a lot of people appreciate getting combo’d off against, especially when it’s as loose and indeterminate as this deck is, and there is just so much math involved that even piloting it can become a pain. It’s incredibly powerful, being fragile in some ways but resilient in ways you wouldn’t expect. It’s actually probably the closest thing to a cEDH deck I have, though it would obviously stand no chance at an actually competitive table.

The deck, at this point, has deviated pretty heavily from the primer it was based on, both since I don’t want to buy overpriced cards that aren’t significant upgrades and because I have some jankier effects I wanted to play (also, because that list has been consistently updated and mine hasn’t). I’ve had it called a Goblins deck, and while there are a lot of Goblin cards in it (I mean, Goblin Matron is there), it actually kinda gets under my skin when people do that. It’s not a Goblin deck, Goblins just happen to be really good at making tokens! I don’t really like Goblins. (Zada is an exception.)

 Basandra, Battle Seraph- Boros Forced Combat/Pillowfort

Basandra was one of four decks I built after I got really bored, hit Random 4 times on EDHRec, and designed four decks based on the results. While I did end up proxying up 2 of the others (Seizan Mono-B Group Sl/hug, DL Atarka Dragons/Panharmonicon), Basandra was the only one that resonated with me enough to want to build it for real. It represents to me the possibilities of Boros beyond just aggro and the handful of archetypes the colour pair has been crumbed over the years.

It also happens to be a pretty political deck. While the plan of making people fight each other instead of me is all well and good, in a perfect situation you’re still going to have one more opponent left to deal with. The deck is pretty light in ways to actually win the game, although having a Flying commander does help a little bit (See, she does do something!). With that said, I’ve played the deck enough times to have racked up a few wins, so it’s far from helpless, and the random hate pieces that are mostly in to keep people from going over my defences can just lock some decks out of the game. (If you’re a deck that loses to Aven Mindcensor then you deserve to lose to Aven Mindcensor, sorry)

I really enjoy the Thalia’s Lancers package. Tutors like this and like Mwonvuli Beast Tracker in the Radha deck are fun to build around, with the right combination of cards letting them turn into mini toolboxes. In this deck, the Lancers can find land, ramp, removal, pillowfort effects, card draw, making them extremely versatile. While I am generally opposed to tutors, Lancers get a pass.

 O-Kagachi, Vengeful Kami- 5-Colour Spirit Tribal/Cast Triggers

This deck is stupid bad but it’s built around a bunch of silly cards that I love. The spirits of Kamigawa look and feel bizarre, but in an elegant way- they’re off in their own little world, doing whatever, while the rest of the game happens around them.

Unfortunately, most of them kinda suck. There’s a reason I didn’t build around Soulshift, and it’s not because I’d die to Rest in Peace.

This deck, therefore, is an eclectic collection of spirits, good and bad, with the stated goal of finding enough cost reduction to start loop-casting members of the -Onna cycle, generating value through “whenever you cast a Spirit or Arcane spell…” effects. Getting to this point, however, is it’s own endeavour. The deck is desperately in need of a rebuild, with way too high a curve and not enough ramp to support itself. The deck includes the entirety of the Myojin cycle, all 5 Dragon Spirits, and all 3 pieces of Iname- not to mention, most of the Spirits that actually have good effects are fairly mana-hungry themselves. Even the manabase is a bit silly, though I have gotten away with proxying fetches and shocks since the deck doesn’t need any help flopping.

When the deck does get going, though, it can get pretty out of hand. Literally, in fact-the deck can rip through people’s hands and occasionally lands, but the cards doing so are so expensive and bad that it feels more earned than just dropping Narset/Windfall or Armageddon. No-one can stay mad when they lose to Myojin of Infinite Rage, since the Myojin is the one with all the Rage. It can be resilient as well, with great recursion effects such as Karador and Iname, Life Aspect just happening to be Spirits. It’s still not good, but it’s something.

 Gonti, Lord of Luxury- Mono-Black Theft/Control

Like Zada, Gonti spawned from a standard deck I enjoyed playing, in this case the Azor’s Gateway Mono-Black Control deck I piloted to surprising success for a long time. A fair few cards in the deck come directly from that list, including the incredibly water-damaged Torment of Hailfire and some of the weirdo one ofs like Tetzimoc and Liliana, Death’s Majesty. The deck is grindier than anything, with incremental draw being the name of the game and murdering opponent’s threats the subtitle. Gonti, in addition to being one of my favourite cards of all time, supports Mono-Black Control quite well, being able to grab answers to things that would normally be pretty difficult for mono-B to handle off of other people’s decks, or creating synergies where no-one expects them. As a result, while there’s not as many of this type of effect as many Gonti decks, there is still some amount of cards that let Gonti re-enter than most decks they helm, there’s still a fair few ways to do so.

Theft is not a particularly well-supported strategy, especially in Black, but it serves to add replayability and versatility to the deck. The deck doesn’t play a huge number of threats, and most of the ones that it does are those that add to the steady value train or that double as something else. I haven’t quite committed to putting Praetor’s Grasp in, but I’m thinking about it. I also opted not to add in the new hotness of Opposition Agent, because as it turns out that’s not the kind of magic I want to play, and with a full hand and frequent planeswalkers on the board I don’t really need to go out of my way to generate more hate.

Playing this deck does harken back to that old standard deck, thinking ahead about which cards I need to keep around to answer certain threats I guess are coming up, and getting unexpected surprises off the top of my opponent’s library to win in unexpected ways (I once Gonti’d a Radiant Destiny off of my opponent’s Vampire deck, realised between Gonti and a few Gifteds I had a pile of Aetherborn cooking, and beat them down with that). Control is far from my favourite deck archetype, but it’s nice to have the option there if I want it.

 Hallar, the Firefletcher- Gruul Kicker

My Hallar deck was given to me as part of the EDH subreddit’s Secret Santa, the maybe only year it was ran, and it still shows some evidence of the budget limit that exchange carried. While I have done my best to improve on it and diversify it, there’s really only so much one can do with such a narrow commander.

With that said, it’s not like the deck is bad. Especially since the addition of more Kicker cards in Zendikar Rising, Hallar has more option to choose from, and they can get burning very quickly. From what I’ve seen, however, most Hallar decks build around cheap Kicker costs, trying to trigger their ability as many times as possible as quickly as possible. And while some of these cheaper cards are of course present in my list, I chose to instead play some of the other bigger kicker cards, along with more ramp, to help spread the attention away from Hallar as needed and to give the deck something to do if they start costing upwards of 10 mana. I’m not convinced this added resilience is the correct path, but it’s my path, and the deck performs admirably even faced against substantially more expensive lists.

 With that, I have listed all of my current commander decks. While I have a few in the build process, maybe I should stop? Because 10 is likely enough. Either way, I hope you enjoyed reading about what and why these decks are, and I hope to see you on the other side of a table soon. (I won’t play Zada game one, promise.)

[dyscrasia-eucrasia]

Part 3

<<Prev | Next>>

"So how was that show you went to last night?" Javier asked as he preened in front of the mirror. 

"Oh my god, it was so, so good," Angel replied as he peeled off his shirt and folded it. "Totally worth taking off a Saturday for. I actually got to talk to the lead singer for one of the bands and he was so gorgeous." 

"Yeah? Tell me you got pictures." 

"I got a couple when they were playing, here, come look." He motioned Javier over and retrieved his phone from his locker. 

Opening up his photo gallery, he'd already pushed the photos from the show down under a wall of selfies, most of the same angle and expression, with only the most minute of differences. 

"Girl," Javier said, clicking his tongue as he looked over Angel's shoulder, "you are so conceited." 

"Shut up, I am not. This is advertising." 

"Sure it is, Miss 'I'm a thousand followers away from ten K.' I saw your post begging for brand deals. Hey, if you get those flat tummy teas to sponsor you, you can do a post about how they flush out your system so you can take a ton of dick." 

"Oh my godddd," Angel laughed. "You are such a bitch! Do you want to see these pics or not?" 

"Yaaaas, show me!" 

"Here," Angel tapped a photo and it expanded to fill the screen. It was probably the best picture he'd gotten at the show, one of Demie as he'd growled into the mic, his long hair cascading on either side of his face, which was half cast in shadow by the stage lights. Angel was especially fond of the way the shadows highlighted Demie's long, gaunt face, and the way the fake horns curled up around his ears. 

"...Girl," Javier said. His tone didn't sound like he was impressed. More like he was being judgemental. 

"What?"

"That is like, one of the ugliest dudes I've ever seen." 

"What? No he isn't, he's hot A.F." 

"Giiiirl, you can't be serious. Look at that ratty-ass beard! Oh my god, could you imagine trying to kiss someone with one of those?" 

"Oh whatever, you think bald old men are hot." 

"Nooo, I think Daddies are hot, not every old guy is a Daddy." 

"Ugh, gross." 

"You won't think it's so gross when I'm married to a hot rich old guy who dies and leaves me his mansion," Javier said, giving Angel a little shove and heading back over to the mirror. 

"That's right, I forgot your idea of romance is murder," Angel shot back. Javier shot him a look, pursing his lips, and gave Angel the finger before heading out of the locker room. 

Angel laughed to himself. He took another look at the picture of Demie. He'd taken surprisingly few photos of the show - something about the music had just taken such a strong grip on him that he'd forgotten to document the experience. In a way, it had felt too intimate to post on Instagram with a long-winded caption about how much he loved music or whatever. 

Plus, he preferred to tag artists in his posts, and despite doing a lot of digging, he hadn't been able to find any social media presence for Bacchus at all. No Instagram, no Twitter, no Spotify, not even a Bandcamp page. He'd even scrolled back through nearly a hundred of Marius' Instagram posts, looking for a picture of Demie or Elaine, but both were notably absent. 

That tracked, he guessed, considering Demie had said he didn't have a phone, but he could've sworn he saw Elaine on one. Surely she posted something about them, at least to let fans know if they had a show coming up. But all he'd been able to find was a post on a heavy metal Subreddit with a low-quality recording of the band, asking if it was true that Marius used to play for them. There were only two replies - one reporting that Marius had said in an interview that he used to play bass for an indie band, and another saying that Marius' music sucked. 

Angel sighed, thinking that he should've gotten a selfie with the band, to memorialize the show for himself if no one else. With that thought, he put his phone back in his locker and stripped down, changing into a g-string and heading out onto stage. 

He liked his job, for the most part. He enjoyed the freedom of being openly, luridly sexual in front of others. He enjoyed feeling like he had a power over the men who came into the club. It was a power he didn't really get elsewhere. Sure, he was tall and muscular for an Asian man, but in comparison to the average American, he was still short, and in the local gay scene he was expected to be a submissive little bottom. 

Not that there was anything wrong with being a bottom. He definitely was one. But he didn't appreciate the way he was expected to be a doormat for tops. 

When he was dancing, though, he held the power. And he loved that feeling. 

He didn't love when drunk guys tried to get handsy, though. And he didn't love having to pay to work the club, nor did he enjoy how unreliable the pay was. Some nights he could pull upwards of $600, others he struggled to get $100. Taking a Saturday off for the sake of a concert was an especially unwise move, since weekend nights were the best financially. 

He didn't really regret it, though. He was glad he'd gone to the show and had the opportunity to meet Demie. The singer occupied his mind the entire day, so much so that, after the club closed for the night and he got home, he pulled out his phone and dialed Demie's number, already saved to his contacts. 

The phone rang four times, and he was ready - albeit let down - to accept that Demie had given him a fake number when a female voice finally answered. 

"Hello?" She asked groggily. 

"Um… is Demie there?" He asked. 

"Who the fuck…" He could hear her say, though it sounded like she'd held the phone away from her. Her voice came back louder and asked, "Can I ask who's calling?" 

"This is Angel, Demie gave me this number after the show last night?" 

"Jesus fucking…" Her voice got muffled, but he could make out that she was shouting Demie's name. 

After shouting Demie's name twice, Angel could just barely make out Demie's voice shouting something back. 

"Phone! It's that guy from the show," Elaine shouted. There was some weird feedback, like she was rubbing the mouthpiece of the phone on her shirt, and then a clatter as the phone was handed over. 

"Hello?" Demie asked. 

"Hi, this is Angel. We met the other night." 

"Dude, it's like four in the morning." 

"Oh! Oh shit, you're right. Sorry, I work nights. I can call back later…" 

"Nah, it's cool, I was already up." 

Angel could hear Elaine shout something that sounded like 'I fucking wasn't.' Demie grumbled something and a few seconds later there was the sound of a door slamming shut. 

"What's up?" Demie asked. He made an 'oof' sound, like he was flopping down on a bed or chair. 

"What's your band's Instagram handle?" 

"Oh. We don't do that shit." 

"Seriously? What about Spotify? Or Bandcamp?" 

"What are those?" 

"You're kidding."

"Nope. Never heard of them." 

"Where do you sell your music, then?" 

"Uh… I've got some cassette tapes that we used to sell at shows. They're old stuff though, back when Mar was still in the band. Why, do you wanna buy one?" 

"Holy shit," Angel said with a laugh, tossing himself down on his futon. "What fucking decade did you walk out of?" 

"What? Tapes are cool. I don't know why anyone would want some e-file digital copy on their iPod or whatever when they could have a physical copy." 

"God, you sound like a hipster."

"I don't really know what that means but I'll take it as a compliment." 

There was a brief lapse in the conversation. Angel wasn't sure what to say. The more he found out about Demie, the more quaint he seemed. It was oddly endearing, knowing that there was no way Demie would've seen his Instagram. He never would've seen the airbrushed photos or the flirty stories or the pics of beautifully crafted breakfasts that he never actually ate because he had to maintain his abs for the sake of his job. 

In a world where everyone had to put their best self on display at all times for a digital audience, Demie had no expectations. He didn't see Angel-the-wannabe-micro-influencer. There was something beautifully vulnerable in that. 

"So what are you doing up at 4am?" Angel eventually asked. 

"Eh… I was writing some music. Haven't really done much since Mar moved out, but I dunno… I just kinda got this flash of inspiration. Just gotta see where it takes me, y'know?" 

"No, I get it. Back when I was in school, I just couldn't write essays during the day, somehow the words only came to me when I'd been up past midnight." 

"Hm. Yeah." 

"Can I ask what the song's about, or is it like… trade secret stuff?" 

"Yeah, no, it's cool. You ever heard of Orpheus?" 

"Oh, yeah. A friend of mine is in love with that one musical, what's it called? Hadestown?"

"Oh shit, they made a musical out of that? I thought it was just an album." 

"See, I didn't know it was an album first." 

"That's cool. So this song's more about the original myth…"

[pomegranart]

cool girls

“You’re not like other girls,”

Sociopolitical and cultural system that values masculinity over femininity – valued less, and confining gender norms and placing people into predictable, placed into false dichotomies. From a young age – we are influenced from the stereotypess that surround us, and we compare ourselves. 

Being Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker and dirty jokes, who plays video-games and chugs beer– loves threesomes and anal sex and jams chili-dogs into my mouth like I’m hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang-bang–-while remaining a size 2, because cool girls are above all, hot. Hot and understanding. Cool girls never get angry at their men, they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner, and then present their mouth for fucking.

- Gillian Flynn, from her novel Gone Girl (2012)

Differentiating yourself by putting other women down – not like other girls  

In fact, there’s a whole subreddit dedicated to the all too common phenomenon of r/notlikeothergirls. Its description reads:  

Is your music taste a cut above the rest? Would you rather stay at home and play video games than go shopping? Do you hang out with only guys to “avoid the drama”? This is the place for you. A place for poking fun at girls who think that being “different” makes them somehow better. NOT for demeaning women as a whole.

There’s a whole thought culture behind this - given there is a system that rewards those that say ‘I’m different, I’m inherently better’ with that of a higher social standing - to attempt to achieve a closer relationship with man.

Youtuber Tana Mongeau recently released a 40-minute long video to a platform of more than 5 million subscribers. The Youtuber is one of the most controversial figures on the platform and she utilizes this – she builds her online persona as a relatable, hot mess, and her brand is based on ‘realness.’ The very video we are talking about is premised on her deteriorating mental health during what was arguably the best year of her career – propelled in the spotlight with her relationship with actress Bella Thorne, she’s since collaborated with Youtube giants James Charles and Shane Dawson, and had a highly publicized 2 month whirlwind marriage to YouTuber Jake Paul (with 20 million subscribers). Her rise in popularity won her Creator of the Year at the Streamy Awards 2019, and signed her a reality show with MTV.

But continuing this persona is a road down self-destruction - a humiliation of the very real trauma of the 21-year-old, and a race to poke fun at herself before her actions can be used against her. in a way that seems remarkably like exposing the chaos of her life before it can be used against herwhich seems to have finally been broken down in her latest video.

But what Tana mentions in the video was not . She lies on her bed, clutching a pillow, words tripping over her tongue as her eyes stay glazed at the ceiling. She talks about her depression, behind the scenes of parties and collabs she shows us, and talks about the toxicity of her most recent relationships, and how she is still handling the loss of family members and friends. She’s smart, dating patterns with boys who didn’t have their shit together yet, and the hurt both she and him had caused each other. I have a few thoughts on our treatment of boys and girls, and the toxicity that leaks into their adulthood, where they can make real, lasting changes that affect you and I.

was a significant part of her relationship with Youtuber Jake Paul is her ability to be the ‘chill’ girlfriend, the girl who wasn’t like other girls, the one who was as low maintenance, the one who wasn’t like the line of crazy ex-girlfriends who had traumatized him.  on her previous dating patterns with boys who didn’t have their shit together yet, and the hurt both she and him had caused each other. I have a few thoughts on our treatment of boys and girls, and the toxicity that leaks into their adulthood, where they can make real, lasting changes that affect you and I.

I was told I was not like other girls, like I was one of the boys. Like the manic pixie dream girl – she is impossibly unrealistic.  

We are taught from young that male approval is what we need to be able to be successful. #TweetLikeAPickMe

Or you Should be like other girls – you don’t act like one.  

Internalized misogyny – we are taught indirectly and directly to dislike women and what they enjoy

Shallow comment – or is it said with good intentions? Girls and Boys cannot be friends.  

Performing gender

Open relationships are like any other relationship in that every partner should have boundaries, and a clear understanding of their own needs.  

we live in a society that fetishizes power differentials between men and women

we consider men with money and status and sexual experience – are sexually appealing. We consider women with those same qualities threatening.

Muses

[musashi]

People do realize that narcissism goes beyond "thinking your better and more attractive/important than everybody else" right? I kinda struggled with it and all I would do is look at every aspect of myself and point out the flaws and why I'm ugly etc. This is literally all I would think about most of the time. Narcissism can be self destructive too. Which doesn't make it better, just different. As long as you don't sacrifice the well being of others to feed your ego, there's nothing wrong with na

yeah, people just are raised being told that narcissism is a trait that makes u inherently cruel to others and don’t ever bother to re-asses that view and actually listen to ppl w/ npd lmao

if they actually used their brains for like .5 seconds they’d realize that most narcissists are that way as an unconscious act of defiance against abuse/poor self worth, and thus narcissists are more likely to be victims than abusers.

most narcissists do not just walk around thinking we’re hot shit all the time and that everyone is below us, we walk around with a sense of ego that wildly fucking oscillates in a black and white manner and yeah a lot of the time its dialed to ‘im cooler than everyone at this party’ but all that means is theres no fuckin middle ground and the other side of it is ‘i deserve to fucking die’

i remember the time i was like, venting about my abuse on here and someone told me to check out a subreddit about parental abuse called, i shit you not, “raised by narcissists.” they literally told a narcissist to look at a fuckin community of people who believe she’s as bad as her abuser just because the abuse she endured left her with a different brain. 

legitimately i am so fucking angry i just found out the other day travis mcelroy has NPD. of course no one’s talking about that, this beloved softboy who always keeps kindness in his heart and grows and learns and changes and does his best to be an ally to all in such a dark time. of course he totally throws a wrench in their understanding of what a narcissist is, and of COURSE everyone in the world is going to just conveniently ignore that fact about him.

god and this is how i feel about this slightly less stigmatized thing i cannot fucking IMAGINE how folks w/ aspd handle hearing the word sociopath thrown around like it is. i wish ableists would just go away and let me kiss my mirror in peace or whatever the fuck it is they think i do.

[goosegoblin]

Do you have any advice for handling ADHD and generalized anxiety together? My brother has ADHD and recently has started having anxiety attacks. Since I don't have ADHD and my anxiety is social-related, I'm not sure if I'm able to give him the most applicable advice. So I thought maybe you could offer some tips to help him handle his newfound anxiety issues.

(I’ve published this to see if anyone wants to add anything in- let me know if you’d rather I deleted it and sent you the content privately)

I really like ACT. I use thought defusion and deep breathing to handle my anxiety, and I find it works better than say, CBT. ACT has helped me fear my anxiety less- I know it will happen to me throughout my life, but I feel more equipped to deal with it when it does happen. The aim of ACT is not to get rid of negative feelings, but to learn to accept them and deal with them in the moment.

One thing to be aware of is that lots of anxiety stuff involves distraction, which is useful, but he needs to make sure what he’s doing is actually fully distracting. With ADHD, you’re very accustomed to doing multiple things simultaneously, so it’s possible to be seemingly fully engaged with a TV show or game and to actually still be freaking out internally. Different things work for different people, so it’s worth experimenting a little. I like walking while listening to audiobooks or playing a video game with my partner that requires concentration. I also do maths problems, especially when my anxiety is quite high- I multiply numbers together that are big enough to be difficult, but small enough to be do-able.

When I’m in actual panic attacks, I’ve found the DARE technique to be really helpful. There’s an app, and the free version is useful- it has the audio I use (‘I think it’s something like ‘help! I’m having a panic attack!) and it also has some nice deep breathing stuff. Using this method has helped me stop panic attacks and prevent them from escalating.

Be careful with caffeine, especially if he’s already on stimulants. Too much can put even healthy people into panic attacks!

It’s useful to come up with a type of ‘panic attack plan’, as it were. I get very hot when I’m anxious and that triggers me, so for me it’s important to keep cool. I use a fan, or wet cold cloths, or I put my face into cold water (also triggers the diving reflex, which is helpful). I find deep breathing audios on Youtube because I find it a lot easier to focus on my breathing when someone else is telling me to. If I feel it’s escalating or not going away, I use the DARE technique. 

I haven’t had a full panic attack in a while, and I think that’s partly due to working on accepting the panic for what it is. Panic can’t hurt you. It’s just your body misunderstanding the situation and thinking there’s a risk when there isn’t. If you fear panic, then you end up in a cycle where your body views panic as a threat, so it puts you further into fight or flight and makes you panic even more. It’s sometimes known as ‘meta-anxiety’- anxiety about anxiety- and tackling that has made the actual anxiety seem a lot easier to handle.

With ADHD, his brain will go a lot faster than a normal brain. That’s a blessing and a curse. It’s worth trying to harness that brain energy into something more useful when panic strikes, because otherwise it absolutely will dwell on the current situation and make it worse. Lots of people with ADHD struggle with anxiety, so he’s absolutely not alone. Checking out online communities of people with ADHD on Tumblr and Reddit has been really helpful for me, as it’s helped me to understand that I’m not mad or broken or lazy. The subreddit /r/panicattack isn’t used much, but reading through that really helped me too.

Feel free to message me any time, or pass my info onto him. I’m rooting for you guys

[elizabethplaid]

long reply, discussing the music video quest

Wonderful @mmymoon was kind enough to do some digging, helping me search for a certain music video I’m seeking. She came up with many close-but-not-quite examples, so I wanted to discuss them. I recognized quite a few, including ones I enjoyed when they initially aired.

I’m gonna make second post listing other (more pleasant) examples of animation. Some are relevant to the quest. Others are just ones I like and remember.

Silvery - Horrors (2008) - Definitely released later than what I’m aiming for. The target video doesn’t have scene cuts, either. Just a single flat plane.

R.E.M. - Man-Sized Wreath -  Yup, you called it: too pixelated, too famous, too late. This video is also a mix of art styles (pixel-computer versus live action), while the mystery video has a consistent aesthetic through the whole thing.

Junior Senior - Move Your Feet - Yup, ditto: too pixelated, too late.

The Offspring - Hit That - Monster heads instead of oversized heads, plus it’s 3D. I’ve loved this song since it came out, despite the weird video.

DB Boulevard -  Point Of View -  Computer-generated cardboard cut-outs, interacting with the environment in a 3-dimensional sense, rather than a flat plane.

XTM Presents Annia - Fly On The Wings Of Love - Oh yeah, love the “Dance Dance Revolution” vibes with this song.

Etienne de Crecy - Am I Wrong - You may not know what’s happening here, but it feels like Crazy Frog is gonna pop up any second.

Chiddy Bang - Opposite Of Adults - I remember the over-sized head thing being such a big trend in the late 90s/early 2000s. Ludacris really popularized it, from what I observed. The mystery video only had like 1 skateboarder, I think. Definitely not as many as this video has.

Top 10, guy can’t pronounce “Mario” - The Architecture in Helsinki video reminds me the most of the mystery video. They’re just moving through the frame, like a “side-scrolling platform” game (as described in the Moby section of that list). I’m pretty sure it was constantly moving in one direction, but not like back-and-forth like the Moby example.

Also, I just wanna say that I love “Californication” by Red Hot Chili Peppers (song and album). The textures on the animation suck, but it still felt so novel when I first saw it. My fav parts are when the giant donut appears. Really, the summer of 2000′s music is very iconic and dear to me

r/TipOfMyTongue - I love browsing that subreddit, and I’ve vaguely considered joining reddit solely to participate in that section.

Delta Heavy - Ghost - Oh wow, I was not prepared to see Clipping hanging from a noose. Seems like he handled going online better than Wreck-It Ralph did.

GUNSHIP - Revel In Your Time - I like some of this band’s other songs. I think there was another synth-wave band’s video that I posted in a playlist thing ages ago: Perturbator’s “Sentient”. It's nicely-animated pixel art, but it also included tiddies and sex (2:50 onward). I couldn’t find the censored version, alas. (There’s also flashing images, body horror, and skulls.)

[thisdiscontentedwinter]

Hello Disco

Hi Disco, I hope you don’t mind me again.

I’m the OP from https://thisdiscontentedwinter.tumblr.com/post/175122133627/oh-can-i-rantget-things-off-my-chest-as-wellhow

https://thisdiscontentedwinter.tumblr.com/post/175121870887/how-do-you-deal-with-your-own-face-body

It’s been almost a year, and I’m doing quite good generally. There had been bad days, but nothing that I couldn’t handle.

I’ve been changing lots of my life habits to better myself, mentally and physically. I just realized how much I sounded like a pathetic incel in those post. I want to say sorry…

I drink more water regularly now, I enforce brushing my teeth at least 2x a day, I eat more vegetables, and my sleep routine is a lot healthier now.

I blocked many tags, unfollowed lots of subreddits and blogs. I followed lots of blogs, feel-good blogs and blogs about hot Asian guys/gay Asian couples so I can have a better goal/pride about my own appearance, and most importantly, I spend less time on the internet & start hanging out with my friends.

But the the last week have been hell.

It’s funny the things that have helped you before, can hurt you. The blogs about Asian guys that used to help my self-esteem, now made me feel like I’m a failure. I see all these guys, they’re young, they’re good-looking, they’re successful, and here I am… older than them, looking mediocre, and not successful at all.

I’m over the “get-someone-to-like-me” phase; I currently enjoy being single, but now I still have another problem to solve. I want to ask for help… How do I accept that I won’t ever look good? How do I accept the fact that I’m mediocre? And how do I stop the mindset that to be happy/successful, I need to be good-looking? How do I stop thinking that if I’m mediocre, then I’m worthless?

I’m so stuck with the mindset appearance = success that I start to think that no matter how skilled I am in my job, if I look mediocre, then it’s meaningless. I become less motivated in my studies & work now…

I know I do sound very entitled; I feel women get it waaay worse than I will ever get. Me feeling like this is because of my own expectation; my own delusion; I cause this problem myself. While women who feel like this is caused by society’s super high expectation for women in terms of appearance. For that I apologize again.

DW: Don’t apologise for your feelings! It sounds like you were in a bad pace when you first talked to me, and that’s totally understandable. Also, being judged for your appearance is in no way restricted to women only, and you haven’t caused this problem yourself. You’ve internalised a pretty prevailing attitude in society. It can happen to anyone! 

Please believe me when I say you’re not a failure. There are always going to be people you are younger and more attractive and more successful than you--and by “you” I mean all of us! As difficult as it sounds, we need to stop judging our achievements beside theirs, because that’s not a fair comparison. It’s also helpful to remember that what you “know” about those younger successful people is that you’re only seeing the pictures they’re allowing you to see--and those pictures are very carefully chosen to project that image. Their reality, I promise you, is not as perfect as it seems. 

And here’s the thing too. The first time you sent an ask, you were talking about surgery, and I said please talk to a therapist first. Because honestly, if you want a nose job or whatever it is that you believe will make you more confident in your appearance, there is nothing wrong with that if that would help you. But that’s where you need a second opinion. Because what if you get a new nose, but then decide you need a new chin? And then that’s not enough and you decide you need some other procedure? That’s not sustainable, either financially or psychologically. So honestly, speak to a therapist who can help you figure out if this is about self esteem, or body dysphoria, or whatever else might be going on. 

It sounds like you’ve come a really long way since we last talked, and that’s amazing, and I’m really glad for you. But if those blogs about Asian guys are no longer helping you with your self esteem, then it’s time to stop looking at them. 

I don’t know what field of study and work that you’re in, but it might be more helpful for you to look up the people who are a success in that field, and you’ll probably find that most of them are pretty mediocre in the looks department. 

Your value as a person isn’t about what you look like, however much society tries to tell you otherwise, and there are plenty of people who are successful in their fields without being incredibly attractive, or even conventionally attractive. Success breeds confidence, and confidence breeds success. And the only way to break into that cycle is to start being proud of yourself for your accomplishments. 

And you should be! You’ve worked really hard on yourself this last year, and that’s no small thing. And you’re definitely not mediocre, because even if you’re not conventionally attractive (and I have a feeling you’re being really hard on yourself there to begin with anyway) your value doesn’t come from your looks. 

Sometimes it’s hard to look at how far you’ve got to go, instead of looking back to see how far you’ve come. But you've come such a long way, and you should be incredibly proud of that. You’re worked really hard to be in a better place, and that shows just how strong you are. 

I think that in the end it’s not about finding a way to accept that you “won't ever look good”. I think you need to find a way to look in the mirror and like the person you see looking back at you, even if he’s not a super model. And the more you like the inside, the more you’re going to like the outside, I promise.