#it was only an 8 week class so i really dont have time to be watching 5 hour videos on the side

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[transgaysex]

biggest fool on earth

[crowcryptid]

i honestly have 0 clue what is going on in my linux class i think im gonna fail this shit unless i cheat. Like. sure if i didnt work i could do it but i simply do not have the time to memorize every single goddamn command being thrown at me

[honeekyuu]

squeeze. [sakusa kiyoomi x reader] satin black intros.

place of (homosexual) business

masterlist.

[playlist]. satin black || vibes

a/n. im completely totally normal about this au. completely normal.

warnings: me.

✗ !!! minors do not interact !!! ✗

✗ !!! ignore timestamps !!! ✗

satin black moved into its current location about three weeks ago, and theyve tortured brews abridged ever since

they were at a smaller location for 3 years prior, but they outgrew it when each of them independently went a little viral online for their work

everyone has a license to both pierce and tattoo, but iwa/akaashi stick to tattooing and suna sticks to piercing

akaashi’s the only one who went to art school

iwa taught himself on youtube

suna and sakusa taught themselves by practicing on each other – all of suna’s tattoos are by sakusa and all of sakusa’s piercings are by suna exclusively

it went a little like this the first time around: "i can do this. i dont need instructions-" "ARE YOU FUCKING SURE ABOUT THAT!!!!"

akaashi specializes in black and grey tattoos and iwa does color; sakusa does both but prefers black and grey

iwa’s best known for watercolor style art and akaashi’s best known for geometric art 

sakusa’s best known for japanese style art

suna's keeps trying to sell people on new and strange places to get pierced. this is dangerous and sakusa has banned him from doing it 8 times already.

hes actually so good at his job, hes just an idiot

theyre total assholes who chain smoke in the shop and swear at each other from across the room

the shop motto is "make them horny until they come back" and boy does it work

every single one of their clients transferred across the city with them when they moved

sakusa doesn't actually take new clients anymore, he just keeps up with regulars. he's very adamant about this

he is most often found in his office, which is also his private studio

the shop playlist consists of music added by sakusa, suna, and iwa -- they tried to get akaashi in on it but he got apple music just to spite them and wears his headphones when he works

suna can and WILL add the most unhinged shit to the playlist. there is a near-daily incident where sakusa tries to skip past suna's songs but suna keeps going back to them just to be annoying

this results in the shop being filled with the nonstop sound of skipping songs and sakusa screaming at him from his office

iwa usually joins in too because he has a short temper

akaashi always has to put his gun down and dissociate, because he can feel himself about to fuck up his lines with how hard his eye is twitching

akaashi has the least tattoos but that’s really not saying much; they have a board in sakusa’s office with the running count for each of them

everyone who comes in for the first time always sees two tattoo artists: iwa, who sits in the corner chain smoking and frowning and generally looking like he could kill you; and akaashi, who is generally polite and looks way less scary than iwa.

and they always choose akaashi, because he looks nice

he is not fucking nice. he is mean as shit. iwaizumi is the nicest one in that shop.

iwa so often is the type to roughly grumble "oh, yeah we can take a break -- this placement always hurts like a bitch. i need a smoke anyway" (hes already smoking).

akaashi keiji is the type to whisper "oh, did that hurt? pussy." and go in even more.

he is mean as shit and everyone makes this mistake.

sakusa and suna met in high school -- they would skip class together and sit behind the school smoking and blasting bass boosted music

theres something about running from campus security every day that bonds two people into brotherhood

theyre like,,,, fucking carbon copies of each other, these two -- two tall as fuck, tatted up, pierced up dudes with matching judgmental expressions and chipped black nail polish, standing outside the shop smoking, talking shit, and glaring at anyone who comes out of the stupid ass 3-in-1 shop next door

they met iwa and akaashi during their apprenticeship. they really didnt get along at first, but it takes a very unique combination of crazy to be able to open the kind of tattoo shop sakusa wanted.

and he had his combination of crazy right there in front of him.

iwa’s the most normal one and just wants to be akaashi’s friend. thats all he wants. he wants to make his silly little money and be akaashis silly little friend. 

iwa is the only one akaashi trusts for literally anything related to the shop but he wont ever say that

it's so painfully obvious that suna named their group chat. sakusa stopped trying to change it back years ago.

taglist = [open]

@mollyrolls @nectardaddy @onlytendoguesses @scinclaitnoir @marsoverthestars

@bookskeepers @choerry-picking @siheez @introvertsince2003 @eggyrocks

@atrashsith @beckixwsm @kakeru-eem @atsumusc0ck @seroh

@reignsaway @a-little-pebbl @bakingcuriosity @dondoncool @corvid007

@asthmaticcchoeee @liliumaraneae @savemebrazilhinata @whydoyoucare866

she put my hand up on her throat and told me // squeeze that shiiii-

squeeze [ghostemane].

[kaceythecrunch]

RANT. (sturntok.)

Yall. Im so mad. Sturntok pisses me the fuck off to the point it isn't even funny anymore. This might be messy, so bare with me.

Tara. Why the fuck is everyone pressed about Tara hanging out with the triplet, specifically matt and Chris. Yall are acting as if it was only two of them, like they're on a date. They were with fucking I don't know, 8 other people? Like why does Sturntok care who they hangout with? Did you not learn from elementary school to mind your bees wax, or business? You're probably 15. They're literally 5 years older than you. There is no way, in any universe they're gonna date you girl. ALSO TO SHIT ON TARA?? LIKE GIRL. FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO SHIT ON CUZ HOMEGIRL DONT CARE. SHE DONT CARE. SHE IS STRIVING AND LIVING LIFE LIKE YOU SHOULD GIRL. Live life and don't care. You'll probably have a positive outcome. No cuz y'all know how Chris owns the Saturn necklace thing? Its vivienne underwood. It's less than 20 bucks on Amazon. Also when was the last time y'all saw Chris wearing that necklace girl. Also there's a post from like months, or I think a year ago of Tara wearing the same necklace. These fucking tiktok girls are so annoying. Like we get it, everyone wants to be Tara. (she's my gf.)

Podcast. I saw a bunch of btiches shit on the podcast. Like cmon. THEY ARE PRODUCING AN HOUR LONG VIDEO FOR YALL EVERY WEEK. Mfs are burnt out, you're lucky that they even produce content for you ungreatful hoes. Like lwk, I'd rather have them remove Wednesday videos. I remember when they first started their podcast that they were really excited to start and stuff. I also remember, I believe it was their earlier vlogs. When they were still living in Boston and they haven't like went to LA yet, they were talking about turning their basement into a podcast room. Like cmon. This is something they've been wanting to do and you hoes just don't appreciate anything. Like have y'all's mama's not been pissed at y'all for not appreciating her food. Live life positive and not negative tf. But ofc, I respect their decision.

Intro. Yall just love to shit on everyone. Ruining the party. Sturntok reminds me of the kids-the class "clowns" who would be so shitty to the teacher for no reason and would ruin fun things for everyone. Like guys, I think we should all as a community bully Sturntok. It requires a bit more bullying, just to knock some sense into their heads. Anyways, back to what I was ranting about. I loved their new intro. its a new era. A new them. Change. Is. Fucking. hard. I understand that you love the teens from Boston running around making fools of themselves. Me too, I shall admit it. But in order to get sponsorships, to get the little paring things. (For example, them sponsoring Celsius, even becoming the youtooz thing.) Like they gotta act more professional.

Change. This tied in with the last few things. CHANGE IS HARD. CHANGE IS A DIFFICULT THING. But how the fuck are you gonna live life, and enjoy life when your stuck on one thing forever. Change is needed for growth, and for learning. Like guys, THEYRE 20. I think that's something y'all forget. They aren't teenagers anymore. Its kinda like how when everyone went into middle school and started to not like kiddy things when you still liked kiddy things. When I was in middle school I still like to play with Legos, draw, watch anime. Until I hit 7th grade, aka everyone's downfall. I still enjoy some of those things today but I changed because people in middle school stopped like those things and its embarrassing (well for me at least) to show up in school with anime shirts cuz I'm getting older. Thats what they're feeling I guess. Again, theyre 20 now.

Crazy ass mfs. Crazy, as in them soft mf's on sturntok. Also what pisses me off more is that they're coming here on tumblr. Like no, I know your soft ass belongs on Wattpad bffr. I have a long rant about this one, so bare with me again. They are so so so so so SOOOOO sensitive about the "spicy edits." Sometimes the fucking video frame isn't even about something "spicy" aka- them being shirtless, video frame near their crotch. It was when there was a song about sex. How soft can you be. Most songs these days are about sex. Some songs y'all probably didn't know about was about sex. (cake by the ocean for example.) LIKE LETS ME FOR REAL. MOST SONGS ARE ABOUT SEX. Also with the tiktok audios being removed like cmon. Not everything is about sunshine and rainbows. I remember I commented on a Chris edit and I was like.

"I need this man in my life. He's so hot."

"you're fucking gross. He's a human being and do you know how grossed out he would be if he saw that you said this? (bullshitbullshit,morebullshitandstupidness.)"

Yeah, keeping fucking running your mouth. THIS TIKTOK HAS LIKE 4K VIEWS. DO YOU WANNA KNOW HOW MUCH FUCKING FOLLOWERS THE TRIPLETS HAVE? YEAH. THAT'S NOT EVEN A QUARTER OF WHAT THEY HAVE. THIS VIDEO HAS 1K COMMENTS. ARE THEY FUCKING HUNTING ME DOWN?? MY COMMENT HAS 3 LIKES. WHY WOULD THEY CARE TO FUCKING CHECK GIRL. ITS ALSO TELLING THE FUCKING PERSON WHO EDITED THIS THAT THIS EDIT WAS FIRE AND THAT THEY MADE THE EDIT HELLA GOOD. UR FUCKING LUCKY I KEPT MY ANGER TO MYSELF CUZ OH GIRL. I WOULD SUCKER PUNCH YOU. You know whats also funny? They're the same people who will be pissed with when they see matt or Chris with a female. Like girl. You're calling me fucking gross? Do you think how much more worse that is than my comment? You ruin friendships. OG sturniolo fans know that they've been friends with girls. If you genuinely care, yall would know that nick made most of matt and chris' friends. Meaning most of them were females. SO OBVIOUSLY THEYRE GONNA HAVE GIRL FRIENDS. I remember watching the Zach sang pod when nick was on and he explained that matt usually doesn't make the friends. Theres a joke where matt says "I'm gonna make a friend that wasn't originally nick's friends." smth like that. Anyways, off topic. Just because they are seen with a girl, doesn't mean they are fucking dating them. Like shut the fuck up. please. Respectfully shut the fuck because I'm a nice person. Also Chris gives off major virgin vibes lets bffr.

Madi. Yall hate so bad on Madi and its fucking grossing me out. Why do you have to ship her with matt and chris??? Literally to the point they can't even put her in photo dumps or videos. You just gotta ruin it for everyone, huh? shes fucking gorgeous, and she's so funny in videos. Plus, when she does talk shes hillarious. She literally reminds me of Matt. She doesn't fucking talk much because she is more of a listener.. Like guys bffr. How can you hate her when she barley spoke in videos. Like respectfully, shut the fuck up. Yall just jealous shes pretty.

Calling Nick fine. I also hate them mfs who are always running their mouth about girls calling Nick fine. Lets bffr. Y'all didn't think a gay guy is fine? I'm sure you've had a crush on one gay person before. And if you haven't trust me. You will. I had a crush on my gay friend in 8th grade. I feel like its a canon even in every girl's life. anyways, I hate when girls will be scared to call nick hot.

"Nick is so fine. But like as a cool guy friend way. Please don't attack me."

POOR GIRL BELIEVES SHE IS GONNA BE ATTACKED IF SHE CALLS A GAY MAN FINE. Sturntok leave her the fuck alone. He's hot as fucking and I will kill civilians if I'm not given more nick edits. He's so fine. Literally the hottest triplet.

If u made it here thanks. There was shit on my chest that I really needed to let out. What have we learned today?

Sturntok can suck my fucking dick.

Thanks goodbye.

Me to Sturntok :

[ohmyamor]

ateez as college bfs during finals

it's my finals week and head hurty but crazy form good hnngjdnjgnjdf

hongjoong

will help you study but only if you bribe him a little

it's not that he wants to see you fail

he definitely does not want that

but at the same time

you would most likely do just fine studying on your own

he has a sneaking suspicion you just want to bother him

it's not until you bring out the "I'll do whatever you want for the next two weeks" that he's quick to agree

would he use this promise to his advantage? absolutely

hongjoong would help you study but then once you pass (you'd definitely pass with his help), he'd be quick to make you buy him food or pass him the blanket that is literal inches away from him

if you want to pass, you could also guilt trip him into helping you study by saying you'll just go to your TA

who's a man..

your same age...

hongjoong is real quick to whip out the flash cards after that

unless you give him a hard time, then he'll personally take you to the TA's room himself

7/10- would help you study but is all the work he would make you do after worth it?

debatable

seonghwa

absolute king

would drop everything to help you in the blink of an eye

he's got the studying playlists on youtube

anything you want to listen to, he's got it

lofi? yup. asmr? check. dark academia aesthetic? absolutely

color coded notes, flashcards, practice quizzes up and running

can seem a bit overwhelming at first but seonghwa gives me the vibes that he would just know you so well

and therefore he would know what type of studying or work environment you thrive in

and you're his baby, he wants to see you succeed :((

if you ever get frustrated or overwhelmed, seonghwa would 100% have your favorite drink and snack ready

some coffee to stay awake? whatever u need, some tea to relax? bet, he's got the honey and everything

your number 1 hype man frfr

10/10 need him in my life

yunho

honestly, also really good to have around during finals

strikes me as the type of bf to kind of sit with you and also silently work alongside you so you don't feel lonely

does that thing when you're writing a paper or smth and you look up to think of the word you want to use and the two of you make eye contact and he'll send you a wink and a big smile

little motivations yaknow

would also definitely use the pomodoro method

has a timer on his phone for every 45 minutes and when the time is up he'll gently shut your computer and grab your hands and just chat

would be the best person to bounce ideas of off

"yuyu, should I say this or this?"

and he would give genuine feedback

if you need help studying for an exam, yunho might not know all the answers but you can bet he would be right there with you watching videos of people working out the problems

gives you little high fives when you both get it

9/10 might get occasionally distracted by his beautiful blinding smiles but honestly a pretty solid study partner

yeosang

mans is just there to vibe and honestly same

i dont wanna say he has absolutely no clue what's going on

because he does listen to you and he does pay attention when you talk about your classes

but at the same time, he doesn't really give me the vibes he would be as great at studying as some of the others

more there for moral and emotional support than anything

might feel bad he can't be of more help so he tries his best to listen to your lectures if you're at home, but man, it sounds like a different language somebody save him

would definitely make sure you're eating and resting well though

"sweetheart I think it's time to take a break"

"yeosang I just need to finish a few more problems :("

"you can do it after you eat something, it'll be easier to finish with a clear head and a full tummy"

crying screaming throwing up

would otherwise leave you to your devices tbh

doesn't want to distract you but also doesn't want you to be completely alone in case you forget to take care of yourself

8/10 man is doing his absolute best and we love him for it

san

honestly this could go one of two ways

he could either be the most serious, hella studious mf you've ever met

or he could be the most unserious, menacing bitch you've ever met

it all depends on his mood

serious san is in the mf ZONE

he's got the glasses on, he has his notes out, comfy sweater and gray sweats ON

ready to give you a mom look every time you get distracted

at one point you'd probably try to play footsies with him and he just kinda stares at you over the top of his glasses with one eyebrow raised and you just slowly return your gaze to your work

that being said

glasses ON, sweats ON, absolute fucking menace

teasing you fs

maybe not even like in a sexual manner, just tickling you and cracking stupid jokes because he wants your attention

WILL kiss your neck and tell you "you're so smart baby, you're going to pass no matter what"

your will power needs to be better than the lords because LORD

what san wants, san gets that's all imma say

5/10 you don't know what you're gonna get and it's scary

mingi

im tired of the mingi is dumb allegations

mans is smart as hell, not only in math but also the amount of lyrics and songs he helps to produce??

studious mingi is one hell of a study partner

it might be a little bit of a learning curve at first, especially if you're the type of person to want to chat or bounce your ideas off of someone while you're working

mingi gives me the vibes that he would be dead serious and focused while working

so it might be a little intimidating at first

you look up to ask a question and he's sitting there, eyebrows furrowed and fingers flying across the keyboard

and you're like damn i don't want to disturb him so you swallow your question and move your eyes back to your work

but mingi is also very observant, so he definitely notices that

"what's up baby?"

"mmmm nothing" you mumble, trying to figure out this particular problem

he'll shut his laptop off and scoot closer to you

wordlessly helps you figure out whatever it is you're working on before giving you a small kiss to your forehead and moving on

8/10 he can be the stem major to my humanities major

wooyoung

let's be fr, not the best study partner you could ask for

love wooyoung with all my heart but mans gets distracted easy as hell

has probably tried the pomodoro method but it just doesn't work for him

sitting for longer periods of times just makes him antsy yk

i get the feeling he'd be the type of person to get one of those moving desks that goes up and down and then puts a treadmill or smth under it because he needs to be moving or else he'll get very distracted

do NOT take this man to a cafe to work, he will do everything but study

especially with the people watching

"babe look at that guy over there, his shoelace is untied"

"that girl's shirt tag is sticking out, should I say something"

"the barista spilled that woman's drink"

if you're okay with background noise, it probably wouldn't be too bad....

until he starts wanting attention and now he's playing footsies with YOU

"woo, babe, I really need to finish this, it's due tomorrow"

"so you don't love me is what you're saying"

and now two hours have passed and you only have half of an assignment done

will buy you food and/or coffee to make up for it

"sorry for distracting you, you don't need a degree, your ass is great"

3/10

jongho

scary

scary studying man

has everything organized to a T, do NOT touch his notes unless you're okay with dealing with the 3 days of silent treatment afterwards

im jk

maybe...

no but fr, jongho takes studying seriously

if you ask him for help, he would probably be the best bet besides seonghwa or yunho

but this shit is like boot camp, okay? so be prepared

no fooling around on jongho's watch

you want to pass, guess what baby, you're gonna PASS

does that thing where if you're not getting something, he might not explain it to you, just re-asks the question louder

"what's 3 + 4?"

"6"

*sighs* "WHAT'S 3 + 4?!"

or might just stare at you blankly when you try to joke around

mans acts like he's training future CIA members or something

once you do finish studying he's back to regularly scheduled bear bf but studying??

only for the strongest soldiers

6/10

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[riaisnotok]

We fell in love in October

☆ 2005! Bill x fem! Reader

It was a rainy day in October and you were heading to school. Orange, brown and yellow leaves were falling from the trees, another day of you having to stay with those stupid classmates of yours for 8 hours. You are already sick of all the noise in the class and the boys who play football in the class and break windows, break cabinets and much more.

It was starting to rain harder so you opened your umbrella and continued on your way.

Regarding your classmates, they are worse than the animals from the jungle, once one of them threw themselfs out the window because someone threw their schoe out the window. Or not to mention the girls who talk about what it's like to have sex while you're on your period, or the sluts who fuck in the bathroom every period. I really don't think you can last anymore in that school. Is so disgusting.

"Y/N!" You were halfway to school when one of the slut girls from your class came up to you, she didn't have an umbrella with her at all. Her make-up was ruined, her mascara was dripping from her eyes. But it's not like you don't wear makeup, whatever girls wear you're not any more special than them, It's just that you don't fuck in the school bathroom like them or have 5 boyfriends in a week.

You turned your head towards her, "CAN I SIT WITH YOU UNDER THE UMBRELLA?" She asked, she was wet from head to toe. You nodded yes and let her sit next to you under the umbrella. You two look like two lesbians going to school💀

"I love your makeup today!" She complimented your makeup, you smiled. "What eyeliner do you use?"

In the meantime, you finally arrived at school, that slut said goodbye to you, and you don't think she'll ever talk to you again unfortunately. Oh yes the slut's name is Tiffany lol.

You entered the class and put your umbrella to dry. Danny, onr of your classmates and desk partner (I dont know how to say this, basically in romanian school you have someone you stay with in your desk, you got that idea no?😭) came to you.

"Y/n what are you doing?" He asked, he wanted to know how you are, how you feel, he really cares about you and for a few days you've been suspecting that maybe he has a crush on you, but unfortunately you don't like him at all, this whole thing with love for you it seems strange and disgusting, but maybe it's because you've never had a crush that lasted more than a week and that's why.

But Danny has already been behaving like this since you started school, and he also gives you notes during class or he puts them in your bag before you go home. Like loves one, and some of them are rizz 💀

"Oh hey Danny, I'm doing good I just arrived, you?" You said, you really didn't want to talk to anyone after the conversation you had with Tiffany on the way to school.

"Okay...I wanted to ask you if you studied for today's Math test..." He said looking deep into your E/C eyes. "Yeah I learned, also Danny what are you going to do on Halloween?" You continued the conversation in yours desk.

Time rang and the first class is Mathematics, come on, you haven't learned anything, you've spent the whole night listening to music, and you'll definitely copy from Danny this time too. After all, he has a crush on you and he'll let you, right?

Today at school was a little better, now you only have one more period left and that's it, you'll finally go home...

It's over and the last class was 3 o'clock in the afternoon, you took your umbrella from the dry place and left the classroom through the door, but Danny stops you by grabbing your sleeve. "Y/N…."

You hear his voice "What's up Danny?" You asked him, all you wanted now was for him to leave you alone and go home to sleep because you woke up at 6 in the morning.

"Can we go somewhere more private, for example in the bathroom?" He asked, you nodded. You were curious what the hell he wanted to ask you and what the hell he wanted from you now. You went to the bathroom and Danny pushes you against the bathroom wall. A smirk could be seen on his face.

"Y/N...I like you...I like you so much that every night I think about you, every time before I fall asleep I think about you, your beautiful lips that I want to kiss so much , your bright eyes, what wouldn't I do for you, Y/N? I would give my life just to have you, I would kill anybody. Your body Y/N I want to see it without clothes, and I'm going to make you feel so good in this bathroom. So undress, I know you feel the same way."

His words left you speechless, you were speechless, you tried with all your might to get something out of your mouth, but nothing.

"D-Danny what is this?" You asked him, this doesn't look like the Danny you knew, the one who studies at school and seems very innocent and is very innocent. You could never imagine that Danny has such a dirty mind. And you think it's because of the sluts.

"We're not friends anymore Danny!" You said pushing him away from you, you put your hand on the bathroom door handle and opened it, you quickly ran out of the bathroom. Now that you've seen Danny's true face, You don't think he'll be your desk partner anymore.

You left school, it was still raining outside, but not that hard, so you didn't open your umbrella.

On the way home, you stopped at a cafe, your favorite one. You entered it, ordered a latte and took a seat at a table by the window. You waited for your latte looking out the window as it was lightly raining outside. But you still can't get over what Danny did.

Your latte arrived, you started to drink it slowly and after a few minutes two guys enter the cafe, you assume they are twins because they look about the same.

One of them looks like a rapper and the other looks like an emo? You stared at the emo one because you don't usually see people like that, but you got a look from him not short after, you didn't think he would notice.

You put the latte aside and looked away, you heard a chuckle from that guy. You feel so ashamed right now, and you hope that guy doesn't think you have a crush on him.

The two of them ordered and sat down at the table behind you. You tried as hard as you could but you kept hearing that one of them kept talking about you and how beautiful you are. (That was Tom lol, not Bill) You continued to drink your latte and then you took your things and left the cafe.

The next day.

You arrived at school, and of course you won't stay with Danny anymore. Ew

After school you went to the cafe again, hoping that this time those two twins would come too, you wanted to ask them something. But this time they arrived faster, before you.

You quickly went to their table and looked at the one with dreadlocks and then the one with black hair and makeup on his face. The one with the dreads begins to speak, "Oh, I was wondering when you would come."

The one with black hair was looking at you, his pupils were starting to widen. "He's Bill and I'm Tom, and I think you're super cute in that mini skirt of yours today and that white tank top, I can see your bra~" (💀 I'm sorry for how I made Tom)

When Bill heard Tom's words, he wanted to punch him in the arm, but he didn't want to scare you or anything. Love at first sight lol.

"Umm…thanks..Tom? I'm Y/N" You said feeling a little uncomfortable after hearing Tom's words. "Oh and let's not forget, I can see your pant-" "Tom enough, the girl is already very uncomfortable because of you, when will you understand that not all girls want to hear this!" Bill said, he could tell you were getting uncomfortable with what "King" Tom was saying.

You said goodbye to them, because the situation was getting a little weird already.

The next day, you came to the cafe after school and had a latte, again. This time the two didn't come together, only one I just assume his name was Bill? The one with black hair and wearing makeup.

He came to your table and looked into your eyes. "Umm...hello..I came to apologize for how my brother acted yesterday..that's how he usually is with girls"

THE VOICE. You blushed for no reason when he started talking, his voice was so cute. "It's nothing, it's just that I don't really get compliments from guys and I get very uncomfortable when I get one..." You said.

Bill smiled and took a seat at the table. "You seem fun, let's get to know each other better. What do you like to do in your free time? I like to sing.."

You smiled when you heard that someone wanted to be your friend. "I like to (what you like to do in your free time)"

"So cool! Do you have a favorite restaurant? Mine is McDonald's."

......

....

..

.

You two talked more and got to know each other better and it was already evening outside, the sun was starting to set slowly. "I'm starting to like you Bill..." You said, after realizing what you just said, YOU DID THE STUPIDEST THING OF YOUR LIFE. You usually don't believe in love at first sight or love, and I also said that love seem very disgusting to you.

Bill didn't expect those words from you, he blushed. You started to feel weird, "Uhh..Bill I have to go, I have a lot of homework for tomorrow, and my mom is waiting for me at home." With that you left Bill surprised and speechless.

"WAIT!" He said taking your hand. "Give me your phone number."

The next day you didn't stop by the cafe and you stopped somewhere in a nearby park, you sat on the swing with a pack of Skittles in your hand. Your phone was starting to ring, it was Bill.

"Hello?" - You

"Y/N where are you?" - B

"Uhh..in the park near the cafe.." - You

"Okay, I'll be right back!" - B

He hung up, you put your phone back in your pocket and waited for Bill to come.

After a while you hear footsteps behind you, it was Bill with a bouquet of (your favorite flowers) (😭 it's so cute)

It left you speechless.

"B-bill...what's with the flowers in your hands...and how do you know they're my favorites..?" You said surprised. "I thought you were the kind of girl who likes this kind of flowers, so I thought I'd get you a bouquet, because you're so pretty..you know that?"

You blushed at Bill's words and took the bouquet from his hands. "Bill-"

"Y/N I love you." Bill said directly without letting you finish your sentence. Your eyes widened, although I don't know how you're still surprised after you were the first to tell him your feelings for him yesterday.

"And I know you love me too."

"Yeah...I love you too Bill..." You said, a tear ran down your cheek and you hugged him, "Y/N don't cry, you'll ruin your makeup!" He said wiping the tears from your eyes, the mascara remained on his finger. "Sorry..it's the first time a boy I love has said that to me..." You said looking into his brown eyes, he smiled and gave you a kiss on the cheek.

"Y/N..do you want to be my girlfriend?" He asked, hoping you would say yes.

"Yes." You answered.

( I don't know how to end this story lol, AND IM STILL WORKING ON THE REQUESTS AND I HAVE SCHOOL TOO 😭)

2062 Words

[sevenpoyo]

school headcanons for because i only got 3 more weeks

margo’s is so long even tho she got like 2 minutes of screen time bc i love her so much and she’s my gf

Margo Kess, 1610Miles, 42Miles, Gwen Stacy, Pavitr Prabhakar

margo kess / spiderbyte

ain’t shorty on zoom in the movie?

my girl dont attend class, she once shut down the entire blocks power so she would have an excuse to not be in class

eats in class all class everyday, only shares with you

takes really good notes and never studies them

like???? ma’am??? share???

all her electives are programming related and she pretends to busy while playing centipede all day

sends you 50 links to stuff you might like while ur in math

she got papers that let her opt out of gym

no matter how much you beg ur gonna be alone in gym and she doesn’t feel bad about it

popular with no friends type

like everyday 50 ppl stop you both and say hi

she only knows like 5 of their names she can’t stand half of them niggas

empty ass backpack like she got one notebook and one binder

all a’s and b’s like bitch how

her memory is absolutely ass but she can remember every story you told her or stuff that happened when y’all hang out

don’t ask her what she did in her class

don’t ask her if her class also has a history test

she don’t know

she don’t care

but she do know that when you were 8 your cousin burned ur thigh while y’all were playing iron vs knife fight

(u were dumb as hell for picking knife everyone knows iron always wins)

i looked it up on her word everybody uses those virtual avatars

she’ll shit on your class choices so damn hard

she just likes making fun of your choices fr

like half of ur conversation go;

damn i’m tired

u was up doing stupid shit last night you don’t get to complain

stfu that’s why ur a bitmoji

that’s why ur granny beat ur ass for something your brother did when you were 9

i hate telling u shit

then stop telling me shit

(i have no clue how accurate this is to her character but i need to write about her i’m in love but damn it’s long)

1610 miles / spider-man 2 lmao

book bag full locker full but never has a pencil

writes notes assignments and homework in paint pen ink don’t ask this nigga for notes

(he gets nigga treatment but not my queen margo bc i got favorites)

he miss mad classes but somehow still solid attendance record???

somehow always present in the record he miss 40 days and get caught on like 6 of them

unless his mom make breakfast and lunch on her day off for him he eating the most random shit from the bodega closest to visions

like what do you mean you got a cosmic brownie and a cold chopped cheese from last night ? it’s literally 7 in the morning no i don’t want none

makes you hype him up every time he slap boxes people and he’s so ass at it

he be ashy with no lotion atleast 5 times every month it’s embarrassing

he calls visions his white people school to his parents and his friends

once he said it to gwen and they sat in literal complete silence for like 10 minutes

prolly took music theory because he thought it would be easy and switched out of that shit so fast

i’d be so mean to him for enjoying physics

like this nigga trying to make something of him self

lil einstein ass nigga

he understands color theory but can’t explain it

12 half full sketchbooks but at school he literally draw on computer paper he don’t let the sketch book leave his bag

i know he’s ass at watercolor, he always spills shit, the colors always end up brown

try’s to be interested in your class choices bc he wants to know stuff he can talk about with you

when you first meet he can’t take meaner jokes bc he thinks that you mean them

but one day he’s gets comfortable, and brutal

no one in your life is safe when he looses a video game

except your mom

rio taught him better than that

42 miles / the prowler

comes to school with no school related supplies in his bag unless you count art stuff

finds a pencil on his way to class

has a change of clothes, rat tail comb, 3 bottles of water, a camera, a flashlight, lotion and cocoa butter.

like bro ur going to Ap Art not a camping trip

once he pulled out a griddle and and pancake mix and y’all started making pancakes in class

forgets his metro pass every day and gets so pissed ab it

runs into people in the hallway bc he’s never paying attention

idk if he goes to visions but if he does he calls it his white people school with his full chest to anybody even if they’re white

he be leaving halfway through the day all the time like bro you miss algebra 2 every damn day

uncle arron always talking him out of school with some bullshit reason

bro’s had his tonsils out 8 times on the school’s records

He will get ur parents to put his uncle on ur pickup list and you will be out of there with him

he will YELL if someone step on his shoes no matter what the situation like the school could be on fire and he fighting in the burning building

also his uniform is so pristine

his pants stiff

that button down is bleached ironed pressed and allat

this mfer is an online shopping addict u just know he be on amazon in class

will offer you the weirdest food combos like no i don’t want to put tajin mangoes on my beef patty i’m sick of you nigga

not school related but he’s super good with kids (both miles fr) but he’s the #1 little cousin defender and apologists

he ride for them always one of ur little cousins could sucker punch u and he be like

‘they just want u to play with them’

he takes a preforming arts class for fun prolly

loves sports but doesn’t play one understands the stats well and would help if you played one

wakes up at the asscrack of dawn on weekends

SICK ASS COSTUME FOR HOLLOWEEN IK THIS NIGGA LOVE HOLLOWEEN

plans costumes for school spirit weeks but always checks to seen if he’s gonna be the only one wearing a costume for it

never eats lunch unless his mom makes it he be hungry all day and be complaining

his socks are never in uniform (yes some uniform schools have sock rules)

gwen stacy / spider woman / ghost spider

idk what to call her

she has every snack you could ever want in her lunch bag

hates her music theory teacher

she literally has the most pristine locker with a calendar and a mirror and all that shit will write down test for you and important dates for the both of you

goes to school plays and shits on the story, like she ain’t pay 5 dollars to be there

some of her teachers hate her

like ma’am ur beefing with a whole 16 year old rn

she hate english teachers but love creative writing teachers

she keeps all her books in her locker never brings them home never brings them to class

always comes through with an extra pad no matter what

she also always has hand sanitizer

in like 4 extracurricular after school things and complains so bad

ur starting to hate that shit to ur sick of hearing it like girl quit then

10/10 cameraman she has every fight and every drama in 10khd and she will share them if you ask

she chews her pens and nails

has her drumsticks out always teachers have banned her from taking them to their classes

can watch tv on her phone but look focused you think she’s paying attention but then you look over and she’s watching good luck charlie

pavitr prabhakar / spider-man india

always late for class never in trouble

always eating and sharing food and never in trouble

how is he blessed like this? it ain’t fair

eats from the school vending machines or begs other ppl to share

will always have and share the homework answers no matter what he’s an angel

his sock always have holes in them like sir please get that shit together

gym try hard ik goes insane in football/soccer

very encouraging for shit u don’t wanna do he believes in you

you him and Gayatri talk so much shit but are somehow all well liked

he tells you what teachers are dating (he can just tell)

he has toothpaste in his bag for some reason?? i can just feel this one

his aunt will let you come over after school she’s so sweet to you.

always got a job at school assemblies

he’s reading poems or shaking hand or leading in the school pledge or something

Pav’s is short because i have no fucking clue if school in India is different form america and Barbados

[stateswscarlet]

Hi Scarlet! I saw your twt bio said no dms so I thought I would share my successes here that I got from your threads and content!

Bit of a background: I hovered over from the a+p girlies after affirming for 9-10 months for all my desires, using everything they taught and even putting full faith into thoughts and science manifesting. I would affirm almost nonstop (during work, school, even as I was eating/talking to others) for the entire time and I eventually got super frustrated! Not a single manifestation came in or even the slightest movement, maybe a butterfly and a car here and there (looking back at it its because I accepted seeing them internally and didn’t contradict that state, it wasn’t even the affirming). In March-ish I found your account on my timeline and previously I would ignore any states related information because I thought states were the same as dominant thoughts, but something about your thread at the time caught my attention which led me down a rabbit hole (positively!) of consuming your threads. I realized a lot of it actually made sense and explained why I didn’t see success so far.

Anyways so after a few weeks of learning about states I decided to stop overconsuming and stick to your account and edward art ONLY for all my manifestation needs. It was a little hard breaking free from the affirming mindset but I decided to focus on embodying how it would feel if I no longer had to worry about my thoughts and allowed that to wash over me. I used your “embody being the solution” thread SO SO much and I realized I was able to quickly solve all my internal issues using that because anytime I felt stuck, I just had to assume the feeling of being unstuck and what the ideal situation would be! I also fell in love with fulfilling my imagination and although I did care about experiencing it in the 3D, it was more like me not even thinking of it reflecting because its a LAW. I remember you saying you don’t even have to think about stuff reflecting because it does so anyways and my only role is to naturally give it to myself. So here is a list of some of my *bigger* manifestations that came in within a month-ish of me APPLYING states of being after I learned about it:

SP and I got back together after 8 months no contact and 11 months separation

My top choice graduate school which rejected me months ago actually reaching out to me offering me a spot saying the rejection was a “system error”

Free coachella tickets all expense paid in a luxury hotel that sponsored not only me but my boyfriend and 3 friends

My favorite makeup brand randomly sending me a HUGE package of makeup that I never ordered or asked for (I wanted more makeup from this brand)

My dad receiving a random check to clear his entire credit card debt of around a decade

A better job for my boyfriend that pays him double of his last one and has flexible hours that he didn’t need to apply for or interview and hes been loving it!

Free first class plane tickets to Bali this summer! I had already booked normal ones months before but last week I got an email saying my party had randomly been selected for a free upgrade. This happened like a day or so after I for fun assumed the state of someone who has a live of luxury.

I have other smaller successes but these are some of my main ones!I really want to thank you scarlet you have honestly changed my life and I can’t believe it truly was that easy all along! Thank you for your amazing threads, please continue dropping more (I literally have your notifs on haha)

AWW YAYYYYYAYAYS IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT!! You’re absolutely amazing🫶🏼

I dont even use this platform but just thought I would share this ❤️

[barsformars]

A Little More

//

g - fluff

p - jongho x gn!reader

w.c - 1.2k

t.w - none

a.n - i wrote this back in 2020??? i found it in my notion drafts so i edited it a lil bit and decided to post it (i dont think ive posted this? i couldnt find it on my page)

//

You tapped your feet impatiently to a made-up rhythm in your head, constantly glancing up at the clock hanging on the wall right behind your teacher. Urgh, class was supposed to end 16 minutes ago.

"Are we going to miss it?" Jongho turned to ask even though he had already guessed that judging from the way you were acting.

"If she doesn't stop talking right now," you leaned in slightly and replied softly, not wanting to get caught talking in class. That would just mean getting held back a little longer than you would like to. "Gosh, I'm not even absorbing an-“

You pause at the sudden quietness of the classroom, looking up to see Ms Kang with her arms folded across her chest. Uh-oh.

But before she even has a chance to call the both of you out, Jongho raises his hand, making up a lie on the spot as an excuse. "Sorry, they were explaining a question to me!" He nudges you with his elbow, which was your cue to apologise as well so that Ms Kang would just get over it.

"Alright, but next time don't discuss while I'm speaking. Got it?"

"Yep!" You rolled your eyes playfully at your table partner, he has a way of always getting out of trouble. It was just impossible for anyone to dislike him, and all the grown-ups just absolutely adore him.

Thankfully for the both of you (and everybody else), Ms Kang decided that there was no point in carrying on the lesson any further. She said that everyone looked 'too dead on the inside' which wasn't not true at all. It's just the case when school had started as early as 7.30 in the morning, only ending now at 5pm (or rather 5.20pm).

You stuffed all your belongings into your bag hurriedly before helping Jongho with his. Why does he always have a pile of loose notes and books under his table? Now, if it wasn't for how early the sunsets were nowadays now that it’s winter, you wouldn't be rushing him. You never liked pressuring anyone in any way.

"If we miss it today, we can just catch it tomorrow or whenever, you know." It wasn't that Jongho didn't like you rushing him, in fact, he doesn't mind it at all. He just rather not see you stressing over something so minor so unnecessarily.

Jongho had a point, but you really wanted to see the sunset today for whatever reason. Or actually there were many reasons. You know how there's always one week in the month where the sunsets just hit different from the other days? That's what you have observed at least, even if you didn't have any scientific information to back it up or prove that was really the case. Anyways, to put it short, the sunsets recently have been extra pretty and if you don't catch it today, you'll have to wait another month. Why? You have classes that extend way past 5 o'clock starting tomorrow.

And besides, you couldn’t wait any longer. As curious as you were hopeful, you really wanted to know who Jongho had caught feelings for. He promised he would tell you on a day the sunset is exceptionally beautiful.

"We still have a little more time left," you said, not bothering to explain your thoughts to Jongho. It's too much effort to try and properly formulate your thoughts into coherent sentences.

"Alright, let's go then." Without any warning, Jongho takes hold of your wrist, pulling you along with him as the both of you ran down the hallway, then the 8 flights of stairs and finally to the open field at the back of the campus.

After all the panting and gasping for air, you tilted your head upwards only to be greeted by light grey clouds filling up the sky. The golden rays of the sunset were barely peeking out from the back despite it extending out like roots greedy for nutrients in the soil.

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and checked the time, hoping that maybe this was only the starting and not the end. "They say the sun sets in 6 minutes, so I guess we just wait?" You suggested, already seated on the floor before Jongho could process your words.

He remained standing, looking down at you with narrowed eyes. There was definitely something wrong with whatever you had just said but Jongho couldn't tell if he or you were the stupid one here. "I think that means the sky goes dark then, no? Like when the sun completely sets....." His voice trails off as you tugged at the sleeve of his uniform to get him to sit down as well.

"I don't know, but no harm in waiting just a little while more."

"I guess," Jongho said with a shrug of his shoulders.

But a lot of things can happen in just a little while. For example, Jongho might just muster up a little more courage in this peaceful silence to confess his feelings for you. And in this little while, an amazing friendship could very possibly end, unless you saw him as a little more than only a friend.

Jongho decides not to take the risk just yet; there's no harm in waiting just a little while more. Just a little more, when he can be a little more sure of your feelings as well.

"What's with this weird atmosphere?" You joked, an attempt to ignore how fast your heart was racing right now. Lucky for Jongho, you were too busy calming yourself down that you missed the way his body immediately tensed up at your question.

"Uhm, I'm guessing that's-" Jongho points up at the sky that was very far from spectacular-"all today's sunset has to offer." That wasn't the best way to break the awkward silence but oh well...

"Can we wait 5 more minutes?" You had almost lost all hope at this point but you never know what might happened in the next few minutes. Maybe Jongho would finally decide to let you in on his crush's identity as he had promised. Because if he doesn't, then you might. And if it so happens that your feelings for him aren't reciprocated, you were only going to burden him with your feelings. You don't want that, but right now you're barely holding yourself back. "Do you even remember what you promised me?"

"The thing about my crush?"

"Mhmm..."

"Yea, I remember. But today's sunset isn't it." Jongho sighed as he leaned back on his hands, staring up at the now dark sky. "Just wait a little while more."

"Well, but I don't want to miss the timing just like we did with the sunset today so I'll just say it." Your voice was shakier but in no way more timid than usual, perhaps it was the adrenaline that was rushing through your veins right now. Because right now, you couldn't care less about the weight and consequences of your words.

"Choi Jongho, I really like you a lot."

[xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx]

trying to explain to every single adult around me that we get way too much schoolwork is like talking to a wall

i understand that i go to technically a college prep school but truly with the amount of work i have even that isnt comprable. i have 8 hours of school then go home and have 8-10 hours of homework counting an hour of studying because i have at least 3 tests a week in various classes sometimes w/ only 1-2 days notice. its legit either be a genius, be a good student, or take care of ur mental health. i dont even have a job or play sports and im up till at least 12 doing schoolwork. and every single godamn adult in my life is like "u go to a good school tho!" "its college prep!" u wouldnt give 7 hours of homework to a 6th grader to "prepare" them for high school. literally all this teaches us is how to cram and how to bottle up stress. i mean really i havent like actually relaxed in years thanks to my school and its either this or a city public school w/ no funding. i dont want to sound ungrateful i know my school is great they just push us so hard that so many of us have just like accepted that wanting to kys is a normal thing. u could walk into the hallway and yell "IM GONNA SHOOT MYSELF" and no student (or probably teacher) would bat an eye. no one will even listen, ive brought it up w teachers, councilors, my parents everyone and no one will help the councilors even say "well make sure u do ur assignments on time! :3" when u tell them how insanely stressed school is making u. ive had to up my anxiety/antidepressant twice since starting high school just so i didnt legit off myself because of school. i had to be more medicated because of school. and no one is helping. it feels like im drowning sometimes. adults arent even concerned anymore. ive just accepted that my permanent state until im out of schooling is stressed. ive been saying it for years, other students have been saying it for years and all the adults just say were overreacting and that no one likes homework.

idk maybe i’m just a fucking idiot

[jcs-singular-slut-strand]

7. hair-ties or scrunchies?

8. how many water bottles are in your room right now? i have four!

9. which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

11. favorite extracurricular activity? (is it ballet? i dont think it is)

21. something you’ve kept since childhood?

26.a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

43. what’s your take on spicy foods?

44. you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

46. favorite holiday film?

see, i even sent you the questions because i'm cool like that <3<3

have fun!

7) hair bobbles or scrunchies?

Well I have about a million hair bobbles just lying about my room and I usually have at least one on my wrist so I'll say hair bobbles. I don't really I have enough hair to use a scrunchie, it doesn't reach my shoulders

8) how many water bottles are in your room right now?

There are two, one that I barely ever use except at like 3 am when I wake up really thirsty, and the other is the one I use all the time. My original version of this bottle got lost/stolen in 2022 so I literally begged my dad to get me an exact replica off of amazon and I love it very much

9) hot or cold coffee?

Iced vanilla latte 🫶🫶 and then I add extra vanilla sugar because if my county is gonna be the "sick man of Europe" then I can at least benefit from it

11) fave extracurricular activity?

My fave is not ballet although it is something that I do. I recently dropped one of my classes (the one on Wednesdays) so now I'm only doing it once a week on Saturday. My favourite is deffinetly swimming though, I don't go as often as I would like but it's nearing summer which means potential sea swimming. Last summer (if you can call it that) me and my friend went to North Berwick and swam in the sea there. Fucking freezing, we came out bright red.

21) Something you've kept since childhood?

A stuffed animal which is a rabbit. She's called Floppy and I got her when I was 6. She has a Jonas brothers t shirt on right now, it serves

26) a scenario that you've replayed multiple times?

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I wasn't an only child, or what would've happened if I had picked the other school over the one I did choose. I'm also constantly replaying the funny things my friends and parents say in my head, I write them all down out of context in samsung notes, I really like it

43) take on spicy foods?

I think they taste great, amazing even. However, this is Scotland. I CANNOT handle spice on any level. The local Indian restaurant recognise my family and tell us it's great to have us back every time, but they also know that I'm gonna be ordering butter chicken. It's banging though

44) free pass to kill one person. Who?

Omg one person?? That's actually really hard I didn't realise how many people I actually kinda despise... probably this girl who ruined my life 2-3 years ago and who now pretends that it's all good cause we're older now and it was just something that happened when we were silly and immature. Like babe no you were absolutely horrible to me. I mean I wasn't great either and did deserve to be held accountable for my actions but that was TOO FAR

46) favourite holiday film?

JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR!!!!!!!!! That counts as an Easter film. Not religious but I am a very big fan

[bagelwithcreamcheeseandham]

How do you deal with chronic pain/issues as an on-campus college student?

Im going back to school for the spring, after taking a leave of absence for a year and then one online class from home this past fall. Im really excited, but I just remembered all my issues and now im scared.

Within the past year I've had two times where it feels like my hip is out of place and it hurts to stand or walk on it. Each time it lasted abt a week where i cant put any pressure on that leg. This has never happened before until it happened for the first time about a year ago, and the second time in march. It hasnt happened in a while, but I'm just scared of it happening again and I cant walk to class for a week, and then my grade suffers bcs of attendance.

Also my cramps have gotten worse over the past year or 2. Like, it can spike to 8 to 9 out of 10 pain sometimes (not all the time). But always with very heavy bleeding. For abt 2 days out of every period, I'm going through maybe 5 tampax ultras a day, and still leak into my pad.

When I'm doing class from home, my desk is right next to my bed. If the pain gets to that emergency level to where I feel like I can't function, I can so easily leave class and lay in bed. But theres a different risk in going to class when I know I have to walk there, stay there for an hour/two hours, and walk back.

Theres also the passing out after sitting for too long and standing up. That im not so concerned about cause i'll probably be hypervigalant about it and remember to stand up slower/flex my abs when I stand up.

I wonder if I could get some kind of note from my PCP that I can give to the student disability services, where maybe if i cant make it to class, I dont get points off my grade? I dont know why, but asking for this feels exploitative. Like im taking advantage of the fact that sometimes i have pain that renders me immobile and non functioning, so I can skip class. I know its not but it feels that way.

Also I'm not sure if i'd need to ask for two different notes for the cramps and the hip, or I only need one? I'm thinking that these all might just fall under hypermobility related issues anyway :/

[sharkszone]

She sees me - a short story

Theres a girl in my class, shes nice enough. Not really ever to me, we dont talk. But she likes the guy i sit next to so we coexist. I see her in the halls, in the parking lot, and sometimes i see her in town. I dont think she's ever seen me. Not even when we are right across from eachother. Shes the kind of girl you dont look for in the crowd, but you see her nonetheless. She's talkative and loves to speak. She answers every question in class, sometimes i wonder if its because she wants to share the answer or if she just likes the excuse to be heard. It impresses me in a way, she's so focused on the class, she neglects her friends. I cant imagine not seeing her.

Her group is tight and practically famous. They're loud and boisterous and hard to miss. I dont think she's like them. I dont think i want her to be. I like to imagine her as someone more like me. But her group is tight and practically famous. Everyone sees them. I see her.

I like to imagine what would have changed if i sat next to her on the first day i saw her. I like to imagine she'd see me too. I dont like how that makes me feel. I dont want to see her. It frustrates me that for all the time i spend seeing her, she doesnt bother to see me. She looks through me instead, her attention empty.

2 months ago, i saw her again. She works at a clothing store. My sister had wanted these tops, i bought them for her. She was working the till. I acted as suprised to encounter her as she did to me. I saw her as soon as i stepped in, she barely even saw me at the till.

The clothes were expensive and i told my sister as much. I made her pick her favourite two to keep. The girl smiled and told her not to pick. She used her family and friends discount to cover the rest. I forgot to say thank you. She smiled at me.

8 weeks ago, she dyed a streak of her hair. It was a rich red and it made her stand out. Thats what my deskmate said at least. I wanted to tell her she already stood out, that her hair was just catching up with her. I mustve stared, she smiled at me as she left.

7 weeks ago she was at my desk again. She spoke to my deskmate and didnt see me one bit. My deskmate is tall and quite smart. He likes my bands and he shows them off like me. His shirts are tight and cling to his skin, mine are loose and hide my resolve. He makes my interests look cool, he sees me. But not really, hes sees his idea of me. We aren't friends but not quite strangers. We've spent half a year together, if he hasnt seen me yet i doubt he ever will. 7 weeks ago he invited her to a party. She stroked his forearm and promised she'd show face. At the end of the lesson he said i could come. Could not should.

7 weeks ago, i decided not to go.

6 weeks ago, she saw me. I was the first in the classroom and she was second. She smiled at me. Then she sat down. We were both early, about 10 minutes too. For 5 she stared at her phone. I assumed she'd forgot i was there. 5 minutes in, she got up and said to me.

"Why weren't you at the party."

It wasnt really a question, she didnt need my answer.

"I wasn't invited."

She frowned. I didn't know she did that. It didn't suit her glossy lip, her face wasn't supposed to furrow.

"Yes you were, daniel told me you were."

I supposed he left out that it was a pity invite, not one that counted. He left out that it was a could not a should.

"It wasn't a real invite."

"It was."

"Nobody missed me, they didn't need to see me there."

They wouldn't have seen me even if i did go. They only saw their groups. Their circles. I didn't have a group, i wasn't allowed in circles.

"I missed you."

She doesn't see me.

"You dont know me."

"I still looked for you in the crowd, i was sad when i didn't see you."

Then her group dispersed into the class. She turned from me with a smile, and bounded to them. Daniel sat down next to me. He didn't ask me why i didn't come. He didnt need to. He knew what he meant when he said could. He knew i wasnt the kind of person that people said should to.

5 and a half weeks ago she told me to come to her birthday party. She was clear in her wording that i had to come. That it was a real invite and that she could see me. I liked that she could see me. I told her I'd come. She smiled at me and turned back to her friends. She never spoke to me around daniel. Our bond was sacred. She saw me and i saw her. Not the me i presented and not the her she presented. She saw someone who wanted an in, i saw someone who wanted an out.

5 weeks ago, i went to her party. It was busy and full of strangers. I was schocked she knew so many people. I was shocked i knew so little. I didn't see her at all that night. She was dancing with her friends, she was drinking vodka straight, she was making out with daniel. He wore a band tee-shirt, it was my favourite band. When he wore their shirts, he made girls ask him about them. He made girls care. He didn't need to fight to be seen. I think hes a bit of a dick.

By midnight, i was in with her group. Abigail and misha laughed at my jokes and lucas told me i was less stuck up than i seemed. I dont think they saw me but i dont think i cared.

4 weeks ago it was back to normal. Nobody from the party spoke to me outside of class. Nobody approached me all day. Daniel held her hand in the hall and flirted with her at our desk. She didn't really respond, she was just looking at him. She didn't smile at me when she left. She didn't even see me. I asked daniel if he was going out with her. He told me yes but that i couldn't tell abigail because they were still seeing eachother on the side. Then he asked me if i'd met abigail, he told me we had a similar sense of humour. I didnt tell her that he was seeing abigail. I wish i had.

3 weeks ago she didn't come over to our desk. She didn't look our way at all. She dyed her red streak blue and gossiped with her deskmate. She didnt answer a single question in class. I cursed daniel in my head, for taking away that girl i had seen six weeks ago. I cursed myself for not protecting the girl I'd wanted to see more of.

"I like your hair."

I stopped her in the hall after class.

"It's ok, i think the red was better. It made me stand out."

She brushed her streak self-consciously.

"Daniel was wrong. You already stood out without the red. It was nice, i liked it. The blue is better though, it matches your eyes."

"Why didnt you tell me?"

I looked at her blankly.

"That you liked it."

"Daniel already said it."

"Its different from you."

She frowned at me again and walked off.

She saw me.

2 weeks ago we didn't speak at all the entire week. Not that we avoided eachother but that we had no reason to speak. But we had become a unit. We went from she and me to we. We collaborated in existing. She saw me.

1 week ago she asked me why i never spoke. I told her i didn't have anything to say worth listening to. What could i say that wouldn't mean more being said by someone else. She asked me if someone else always said what i thought. She laughed when i said no.

"Because nobody thinks like you. You're special"

She asked me who i hung out with at school. I told her the truth. She didn't invite me to join her group. She saw me.

6 days ago she told me she listened to my favourite band. She said they were too cool for her. I asked her why she never listened to them for daniel. Apparently she never knew they were his favourite band too.

"I didn't care about what he said to me. I just liked the way he looked at me. He made me feel like i mattered."

I wished she'd known how much i saw her. How much she mattered. Instead i laughed and called him a dick. She laughed and told me i was perceptive. She saw me.

5 days ago we didn't see eachother at all. We had no classes together.

4 days ago she told me she saw my new shirt yesterday. I said i didnt realise anyone noticed. She confessed she noticed most details about me. I confessed i tried not to notice her. She confessed she wished i wouldn't. I confessed i couldnt help seeing her. She confessed it felt like i was the only one who really did. I asked if she saw me.

"I cant stop seeing you. In a crowd i see you, even when i don't see you. I can tell when you're there."

She smiled at me. She saw me.

3 days ago she asked me how my sister was. I didn't know she remembered her. I didn't know how long she'd been noticing me. I didnt know how much she saw me.

Today i watched her answer questions in class and i didnt feel bad about it. I watched her smile at me when she was right and frown when she was wrong. Her glossed lips pulled tight with disappointment but would be laughed into their natural curve easily. She caught my hand as i left and asked for my number. She sees me.

[niredsw]

so uhhh im bored af and i feel like i should make people know about this not that i think anyone cares about my life but here ya go rin lore everyone!

TW: mention of abuse, rape, and a lot of religious trauma

i apologize for the spelling mistakes from the start, i wont care about them rn

so yeah, lets start with my parents

mom: she grew up in a toxic abusive religious household where my grandpa was rarely home, she was the middle child of 4 siblings (the smallest ones are twins) and was literally the 'only good child of the pack'. my big aunt cant even take care of herself and she has 2 chlidren, she recently divorced her husband and is on the way of becoming an alcoholic. my uncle was praised by my grandma his entire life because he is 'the only son' and is nothing but a spoiled brat whos children are also problematic af. my little aunt is the only one i love and she has a daughter (deniz, my fav cousin) and an adopted daughter from her husbands ex-marriage, shes sweet and i dont believe how she survived in that family.

grandma, shes the worst. one day mom and her sibling were all in my big aunts house and i was sitting with them, they talked about how grandma beat them up daily because of the smallest things, the clothes she hang up to dry didnt dry on time? she beat up one of her kids (not my uncle, if i may add) i was terrified when i heard that about her and im not seeing her the same anymore. mom got married at 21 just to escape from that house and she ended up being the only child thats living in the same city as grandma. grandma also manipulated me my whole childhood, telling me i should be a good muslim and get hijabed at 12 when i first got my period, teaching me things most muslim people didnt even know their whole life when i was only 7, telling me men are always right and i should just obey what they say yada yada ya, she still treats me like her personal servant and keeps telling thing like "you look like a whore in that shorts" and shit, idc anymore but growing up with it is not very helpful tbh

so, mom beating me up when shes angry is not because shes abusive, its the only way she learned and shes not strong enough to break the cycle, so dont get angry at her its not her fault

dad: tbh i dont know if dad had gone throught anything like mom but his family is full of relative marriages and his uncle (whos 64) has a child as my age, she went to a mental asylum because of her father and just got out a few days ago, if i may add, his uncles suck but my grandma is the only normal one (and the only, oldest girl) among 5 siblings so i think thats pretty lucky, but growing up in a neighbourhood full of those kind of people definitely affected him and it shows over the years

yea well now its my time i guess

i was a bad child. i did some bad things. i swear i did it all for fun and it meant nothing

OKAY sorry sorry this is not it im not jojo siwa in a disguise (or i am?)

so, i had a pretty good childhood, if you ignore all of these things;

my family went in a hella dept because of my uncle (i told you hes a piece of shit) and we were always very careful with money, my parents tried to make it up to me and my sis with a lot of things but it did affected us

i dont know how we ended up in that debt but we sold our house and coffe shop so we could pay it, i was 8 when it all happened and i dont really remember most of it

my voice thingy and all of those health problems, i lose my hearing from time to time, have a genetical heart disease thingy, yada yada ya i am not gonna list all of them, lets just say after i was 6 i knew everyone in that hospital i was going practically 3 times a week

also i was the top student in primary school, the first one to learn how to read in my class and was practically a gifted child before i burn out but i dont care about that shit anymore im already a pretty big failure

then, we moved to my current city

4th grade was shit, my teacher didnt even care about her students, it was so easy to eb the top of my class but that school was really shitty, a pedophile teacher, who tried to rape and would do if i didnt kick his balls, a psycho kid in my sis's class that was sent to kids jail in 2nd grade, basically, shithole.

then i won a scholarship from my current school and i've been there for 5 years now, gonna start my 2nd year of highschool in a few weeks

i dont talk about middle school because that shit was crazy but also pretty boring at the same time, so yeah i think thats the rin lore? idk? nobody needs to amswer or say anything i just wanted to share it here so i dont have to explain it every time something bad happens to me

[writingtohealmytrauma]

5/4/24

she left me 2 months ago and the pain is still so real and unbearable. 8 years of our life gone, she is now a stranger we dont talk, i want to talk so bad but she wants to move on and asked us not to message i want to talk to her everyday but i need to respect her decision's she still hasnt blocked me and i cant bring myself to block her number, not that it would do any good as i know her number off by heart, i managed to get the strength to archive our conversations so im not constantly seeing her name and our life everytime i message someone, i had been messaging her out of desperation and longing for connection with her and i can see by the read reciepts that she is seeing my message but choosing not to respond and it just hurts so much that this is clearly what she really wants and she is trying her hardest to get over me and us.

she tells me "We pushed it as far as we could" in reality she pushed it as far as she wanted. she tells me that she wants to have a family and she doesnt see a future with us after 8 years so she needs to leave me and find someone else to have a family with. she's 26 and wants to have kids before 30? so she cant waste any more time with us. i spent my life serving her, but it wasnt enough. i gave her everything. i literally made her breakfast and dinner every day for 3 years to prove my love to her, i flew her business class around the world i showed her a life she never dreamed off. i was there every day when she got home waiting to hear about her day, i ALWAYS made and had time for her always. she was my purpose i lived to serve her. all i ever wanted was to marry her, everyone use to have a go at me saying "why dont you marry her?" "hurry up and put a ring on her finger" like i was the problem? she was the one that would never commit. all i wanted was a family and life with her. I know her past trauma's have played a huge part in all of this, she come from a very broken family and has carried alot of trauma her whole life that she refused to deal with and that leaked into our relationship in so many ways. i truly believe if she had of dealt with her passed issues we would stil be here. she was not the only one to blame i also brought issues to the table but i have worked and turned myself out inside as a person to try and fix/overcome these and i feel i really did. she had an avoidance schema which was a real issue she would always run and shut off from us whenever things were hard, my mind is constantly telling me she was overwhelmed and her avoidance schema kicked in and thats why she ended it as there was no good reason to end it, weeks before she ended it she was telling me that she was finallly ready to get engaged after 8 years?? im so confused? I worry that she has realised this was an overreaction to a minor problem but her pride is stopping her from saying hey this is blown out of proportion can we try and fix this?? i would come running! i'd lay my life down to fix this, what ever it took whatever love she needed it is hers. I worry by the time she comes to this conclusion i will have moved on, not because i wanted to but because the pain is to great and i dont want to take my own life from grief. does one ever truly move on? will i still think about her in years too come? there is that weird sense of hope that we will get back together but i cant hold onto that. when we first started dating she saw a psychic (I dont believe in that stuff) but he told her that she was going to meet her partner and they would be together for life like penguins and that she would have twins with them. over the years i truly believed that and i made that a promise to myself that she was my penguin and that we would be together forever and have twins and i held onto that promise for so long, that promise got me through the hardest time in our relationship and now i feel its been broken it makes me sick to think that im not her penguin and some other man might be? she will have twins and a family with another man? makes me want to curl up and die.

It hurts so much that she wants to move on she couldnt do it anymore 8 years, meant nothing i know she wasnt in it for a long time i just kept pushing and pushing and exhuasting myself trying to fix it, i knew in the back of my mind that it was over a long time ago and that we wouldnt work in the future. she was my best friend though and the only family ive ever had all i wanted was to serve her and love her but there was always this twisted gut feeling in my stomach everytime i thought about our future, not from fear just uncertainty. we broke up once before for a short period of time and she bought someone back to our house within a couple days of us breaking up my mind reels at the thoughts of who she is with now who she is seeing.

**DREAM

I had a dream last night that we met up and i asked had she been with anyone else i asked her and i wanted her to say yes so i could hate her and move forwards in my dream she told me after a week of us separating that she had been sleeping with someone else she began to describe the sexual encounter to me with such joy saying it was hot and sweaty and that they didn't use protection and i remember feeling such a sense of a rage and sadness and sickness all at once in my dream, the though of her with another man made my sick. **DREAM

i woke up and i felt relieved as my mind was still telling me that was a real conversation and i hated her and could let her go and after properly waking up and realising it was a dream i cant shake the feeling the thoughts of that dream and what it meant to me. now i feel like i need to know if she is sleeping with other people so i can move on? WHY IS MY MIND ATTACKING ME LIKE THIS? i want to know that she is with other people so i can hate her so i can detach as i feel thats the only way i can move forward but at the same time i dont want to know either. i have no interest in other women right now, i dont think i ever will. i gave her every part of my heart and soul. ive only ever slept with 2 people in my life and have no interest in sleeping around being with other people, the thought makes me feel sick.

everytime i see anything slightly sexual it reminds me of her it makes me feel sick to my guts as to who she is with. i was her first and she was my second and to be intimate almost every day with the same person for 8 years is so special. i think its a mix of jealousy and fear fear because i know what other men are like and what they are capable and that she has not been exposed to how feral men can be and jealousy because what if she finds someone better than me? what if they pleasure her better or love her more. what if she is more attracted to them then me? she said to me that she still loves me and thats not that she doesnt want me she just doesnt think we have a future?? which is so insanely confusing cause how can you love and want someone but not be willing to commit to marriage and life together and risk going out into the world and hoping you find the connect you had with someone else.

she was my bestfriend, all i wanted was to be around her and in her presence and i think that makes this all so much harder for me. i feel like im one of those people that is always surrounded by people but feel so alone always. she took away the loneliness made me feel complete and normal maybe it was bad that i needed her to make me feel that way, maybe i should learn to feel that way before getting into another relationship. thats what everyone tells you to do. but does anyone actually truly do that? does anyone ever wait untill they are complete and feel whole before getting into another relationsip? i feel like if you were complete and happy being alone you would never get into a relationship at all so i feel like that kind of advice is a lie? what else would compel you to be in a relationship if you have learnt to be happy alone, i understand women having a biological clock and im led to beleive that some women have overwhelming maternal instincts and the need to have children but as a some what succesful male, if i learn to be happy aloen and enjoy my own company? why would i want to get into a relationship what would be the driving force behind that? so i think that type of thinking is a lie and fanciful.

i feel scared to go back home, i know i need to though. i left the state i live in to go stay with my cousins for a wgile to try and clear my head i dont know if it has helped our made things worse? im genuinely not sure.

im so scared of running into her, im so scared of running into her with another man. i dont know how to deal with these feelings of fear and jealousy. i just love her so much and my heart screams for her day in an day out.

even writing this now i feel sick at the thought the she is talking to somoene else and flirting with them and doing sexual things with them.

i think the hardest thing for me to grasp is her being sexually intimate with someone else. that seems to be the trigger for me to spiral and feel sick.

my psycologist told me that those are grief thoughts and to label them grief thoughts and that they will pass but they just make me sicker and sicker everytime i think of them.

im not eating, im not sleeping all i do is train. i feel so insecure and so scared i feel like ive aged so much in our relationship and that im ugly and un lovable so im just destroying my body to stay fit and become stronger than i am. i worry its becoming a mental ilnness almost a body dysphoria i hate myseld and everything about myself.

she was younger than me buy a couple of years and i know she is going to date someone younger than me and they will be fitter and stronger than me and it just hurts so much to think that.

i get angry cause i feel like she used me and robbed me of my life and my best years and that she never had any intention of seeing this through. she just used me as a vessel to get her setup in a career and financially.