#it wasn't good to begin with but my anxiety now is just a whole new level

[zevrans]

.

[joelscruff]

(not a request, just wanted to share💗💗💗💗💗) I saw this on a prompt list “I wasn’t ready to say goodbye” and why is this so bfs dad joel and reader😢 my heart ughhhh

also yes to the glasses

words (boyfriend's dad!joel x f!reader) 18+

ik you said this wasn't a request, anon but this inspired me so much ;-; get ready for sadness. combining this with a request from @rrrrosie: Okay, boyfriends dad has been on my mind like crazy! Like I swear I’d just slip and tell him ‘I love you’. And he’d totally try and not say it back even if he wants to because he knows the situation they are in is so messed up. But omg he’s such a SAFE character. Idk Maybe this is a request?? Idk 😭

this fic is a direct sequel to "prove it". you can find the other fics in this series on my masterlist. and here's my kofi if you'd like to leave a tip!

summary: you and joel are left reeling from your boyfriend's discovery. rating: 18+ explicit (minors, do not interact) warnings: daddy!kink, oral (m receiving), praise kink word count: 2.2k

it's been a week since you last saw your boyfriend, since that moment in his car where you'd suspected he knew what was going on between you and his dad. it's been one long week of anxiety, worry, sadness, and now - acceptance.

joel hasn't texted you since that night and you have no idea if something happened, if your boyfriend went home and confronted him. you figured it might take a few days for them to sort out their issues, but a week? a week with complete radio silence? it's so uncharacteristic for them to be so distant, especially your boyfriend who you thought would've come back to give you a piece of his mind.

you've now accepted that things have changed. what exactly that change is, you don't know, but you're desperate to find out. the distance from your boyfriend has been welcome, even a relief, but the distance from joel...your heart aches just thinking about it. you want him to hold you again and tell you everything will be okay.

so when you show up on their front porch on a sunday afternoon you're not sure what to expect. you ring the doorbell and wait, biting your lip and fidgeting while you wait to see who'll greet you.

you feel warmth flood your chest when joel opens it, a soft smile spreading on his face when he sees it's you; he looks tired, like he hasn't slept properly in a few days, "hi."

you don't say anything, just rush forward and wrap your arms around him tightly, feeling tears already stinging in your eyes. it's been a whole week without seeing him and the emotions you feel are almost too much, all the worry you'd felt bubbling to the surface again as you bury your face in his neck.

"shhh, it's okay," he whispers, rubbing your back soothingly, "i'm sorry."

"joel," you whimper into his jacket, shutting your eyes tight and letting a sob wrack through you, "daddy."

he seems to stiffen under your touch at the name, and when you pull back to look at him you're beyond confused to see that he seems uncomfortable, grimacing a bit as he pulls out of your embrace. you feel your mouth downturn into a frown, tears spilling down your face.

"you don't want me to call you that anymore," it's a statement, not a question. you can sense the truth of it in his body language, in the way he looks at you now like he's about to break some awful news to you, "this is over, isn't it?"

he exhales deeply at the question, "come inside," he says softly, tugging on your arm and urging you to follow him, "let's talk."

nothing good can come from this.

you walk down the hall slowly, joel leading you with your hand in his as you reach the staircase and begin to climb. you assess the house a bit, looking around for any sign of your boyfriend.

"he's not here," joel says quietly, "he doesn't live here anymore."

you're not sure what to make of that, eyes still scanning the house once you reach the upstairs hallway. you and joel head for his office, a path you've crossed many times before but never in such a state of dread. something bad is going to happen, you can feel it.

you enter his office and settle on the couch, crossing your arms and watching him shut the door behind you. he doesn't bother to lock it; if what he said is true, your boyfriend won't be interrupting you this time.

"why can't i call you daddy?" you ask immediately, voice firm and serious, trying not to let the tears still flowing down your face completely betray you.

he sighs, squeezes the bridge of his nose under his glasses and walks over to you. he nudges you, quietly asking you to make room for him to sit beside you.

"a lot has happened," he says softly, reaching out to take your hand and squeezing it gently, "i just...i need to talk to you like an adult."

it's only then that you realize he hasn't used a single one of your pet names when he's spoken to you. no baby, babygirl, angel, nothing. it's almost like he's being too formal, like this is some kind of business transaction and not a real conversation.

"what happened?" you breathe, tears still streaming down your face, "what did he do? does he know?"

he almost laughs at your questions but without any humor, shaking his head slowly and reaching into his back pocket to show you his phone, "he looked at our messages."

your blood runs cold; you and joel haven't texted that much but your messages are more than enough proof for your boyfriend to have realized what was going on.

"oh god," you murmur, "so he...he knows knows."

"he knows you call me daddy, yeah," he says quietly, voice slightly rough with anger, "he said i was a sick man."

"you're not," you say immediately, shaking your head and inching forward a bit more on the couch, "joel, you're not. i want it just as much as you do, you know that."

"i know," he closes his eyes then, takes a deep breath, "anyway, he said he couldn't look at me the same anymore. said it made him sick to his stomach. not just because it was with you, it was everything as a whole," his mouth twists and you can hear raw emotion in his voice, "he moved out, i don't know where he went. i just hope he's alright."

"i don't give a fuck about him," you reply coldly, "i could care less."

"you're not his father," joel replies, shaking his head, "he's hurting, i hurt him."

"by doing what? so i call you daddy, so fucking what?" you feel anger begin to burn in your stomach, "yeah i cheated on him but that's on me, not you. you didn't do anything."

he pulls back from you, releasing your hand and standing up to walk over to his desk. you watch as he settles in the chair across from you and tilts his head back to look at the ceiling.

"it's wrong," he says, voice breaking at the words, "i know it feels good but it's wrong and it has to stop."

you look at him with an expression of pure disbelief, brow furrowing in sadness and confusion. he looks over at you once, just once, and you see he's fighting back tears just saying the words.

"you don't mean that and we both know it," you whisper, shaking your head, "this is more than some silly game we play together, you know that."

he takes a breath, leans forward and puts his head in his hands, "don't say that," he murmurs, voice muffled.

"we care about each other," you continue, standing up and walking over to the chair where he sits, "joel, why the fuck do you think i call you daddy? really?"

he slowly pulls his face up from his hands to look at you, tears swimming in his eyes, "don't," he breathes, "please."

"you're the only person in my life who's ever truly taken care of me," you kneel down so you're at his level, reaching forward to take both his hands in yours, "yeah you fuck me, you use me when i ask you to, but you protect me. you hold me. you listen to me and you kiss me and you mean it." you drop his hands and slowly ease your palms over his thighs, squeezing gently, "i feel so safe when i'm with you, joel."

you hear the low rumble of a groan in his throat as he looks down at you on your knees, thumbing his thighs. "what are you doin'?"

"just let me take care of you," you whisper, tears drying on your face as you reach forward to pop the button on his jeans, "please, joel. just this once and then i'll leave."

you can see the protests burning behind his lips but he doesn't say any of them. he watches as you pull down his zipper and take his cock out, already half hard. he'd said last time that he was always turned on by just seeing you, hugging you; it hadn't been a lie.

"just feel it, don't think," you whisper, then carefully wrap your lips around the tip of his cock.

he hums immediately, jaw going slack as he watches you swallow him down, already growing harder in the wet heat of your mouth. you feel his hands in your hair, pulling you closer as you slowly bob up and down. it's different this time; he's not the man who protects you and always gives you what you want. he's just joel, your ex boyfriend's father who deserves a quiet moment of pleasure for himself.

he whispers your name; not a pet name, your actual name. it's rare for either of you to just be completely yourselves in a moment like this. there's always been the added sexy addition of the power dynamic, the words that separate you both from being on the same level. but that's not what this is.

"just like that," he whispers, "fuck, that feels good."

he's fully hard now, the head of his cock bumping against the back of your throat. you do your best not to gag, holding him there and swallowing around him as his hips buck gently. you reach up and thumb the v of his hips, still half hidden by his underwear. your eyes are hooded and hazy but you can see his soft belly and his happy trail, all the parts of him you love most.

you pull off to take a few breaths, drool spilling down your chin as you slowly stoke him, looking up at him with a soft smile as he peers down at you. you lean forward and press a kiss to the fat head, lap up his precome and revel in the way he moans.

"tell me when you're close," you breathe, then take his full length in your mouth again and start to bob up and down a bit faster, nails digging lightly into his skin.

he holds your hair firmly, helps you move back and forth on his dick as you give him what he needs, "i love your mouth so much," you hear him groan softly, shakily, "you're so fucking perfect."

tears sting your eyes but you're not sure if it's from your actions or his words. either way you feel your throat tighten around him and he groans again, low and deep.

"gonna come," he warns you softly.

you nod but don't remove yourself from him, just take him as deep as you can and hum around his length, urging him on. it only takes a few more bobs of your head before his hand is tightening in your hair and he's coming in your mouth.

"fuck," he groans out, trembling beneath you.

you wait until he's stopped coming to slowly pull yourself from his cock. he looks down at you, looking more tired and sleepy than he had when he'd first opened the door for you. without him asking you to, you open your mouth and show him the thick globs of his come pooling on your tongue.

"swallow." he whispers.

you do as you're told.

there's a few moments of silence as you carefully slip him back inside his pants and do him back up. his hand stays glued to the back of your head, thumb stroking you gently back and forth as he watches you. he looks exhausted, it makes your heart ache.

"i still want you," you breathe, squeezing his thighs through his jeans again soothingly, "i'll always want you, daddy."

"i know, babygirl," he breathes, barely a whisper, "but you need to give me some time. please."

your grip on his thighs loosen as you peer up at him. he's looking at you with an expression you've never seen before, truly pained and full of sadness. it hurts to look at.

you feel yourself nod slowly, "okay," you whisper, voice shaky, "if that's what you want."

he doesn't say anything else, just watches as you ease up from the floor and walk over to his office door, turning back to give him one last glance before you leave.

"i love you," you whisper, soft and sincere, "but you already know that."

you shut the door behind you and shuffle quietly down the stairs. part of you still expects to hear sound effects from some game coming from your boyfriend's room, but there's nothing. you take a quick peek inside on your way to the front door, eyes widening when you see that the whole room has been cleared out. his gaming set-up is gone, his clothes, even his bed.

the emptiness makes you understand why joel is hurting.

just as you reach the front door you suddenly hear footsteps coming from behind you. you turn, surprised to see joel appear on the stairs.

"joel?" you ask softly, confused.

he walks toward you and fully embraces you in a tight hug, holding you close to him in the way you love most. you hug him back immediately without any hesitation, squeezing his body and making sure he feels just as safe and protected as you do.

"i wasn't ready to say goodbye," he whispers, still holding you tight.

you let him hold you for as long as he needs.

[adventuringblind]

Deserving

Charles Leclerc x Reader

Genre: hurt/comfort

Summary: while she falls into the pit of her mind, Charles is there to pull her out.

Warnings: mentioned self-harm, anxiety, toxic media, mentions of addiction

Notes: A Nonny request, I hope you like it!! This one is definitely an insight into how my brain works.

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

Everyone says rookie years are the hardest. Which, she won't say everyone is wrong, just that she also had consistently bad years. They blend into each other now. A never-ending cycle of the same lame excuses as to why she's so downcast.

She's a rookie driver and having a pretty decent season. Logan and Oscar are two of her closest friends. She's dating Charles Leclerc of all people.

So why is that piece of her brain still nagging at her? Years of therapy and help hasn't done the trick. The stinging still pushes through to the front of her mind.

The habit started so young. It was a distraction from the pain of whatever she'd been going through at the time. A means to satisfy her the voices in her head. Now it's to remind her she's still alive. That the media hasn't shattered her already frail will to live quite yet.

Everything in her wants to just... stop. Everyday she's reminded that her place is somewhere else. Not in the car, not with Charles, not even on the planet.

It doesn't matter that she's having a good year, that the car is good, or that she has people who love her. The voices always come back in those dark hours when she's alone.

She staggered herself in the beginning. Enough that her physio wasn't catching on. She lived in Charles' hoodies, and he thought nothing of it. Just another source of comfort.

He'd seen the faded scars, asked her about it every occasionally. He never pushes her to talk about it.

She doesn't deserve Charles, or anyone for that matter. Mentors, family, friends, they are all to wonderful for her to drag them down into her misery. The constant pity party she throws herself has no guests, only her and her demons.

Redbull isn't the best environment for someone as fragile as her. Despite the boosts of confidence Christian gives her daily and the constant reassurance from Max, she doesn't feel like she deserves it. The media is eating her alive. The next teammate to be crucified to Redbull and Mad Max.

It's starting to become noticeable again. The lack of sleep and covering clothes. Charles is skeptical and keeps reassuring her she can talk to him.

If she does that, he'll leave. Her mind can't take being alone yet.

Max is the first to catch sight of the new lines adorning her wrist. He asks if she's alright, but again, nobody pushes for more. Maybe if they did, she would break. Her fragile walls would come tumbling down.

Oscar is the next to push. A good friend of hers and they've both had good seasons. He and Logan show up one night with comfort food and cards. It manages to make her smile like when they were younger.

But they have to leave eventually. The voices swallow her whole the second she's alone again.

Charles finally pushes for answers. He finds her alone, body slumped along the hotel bathroom wall. She's exhausted, but manages to give a crooked, tired smile.

He crouches down in front of her and looks at the fresh line on her thighs. Bandages are something she has readily available, and Charles knows exactly where to find them.

He works quietly, just humming softly as he patches her up. It's a classical song that he listens enough that she knows the tune but not the name.

Charles dresses her into comfy clothes and tucks her into bed. A hand plays with her hair and strokes her cheek.

She doesn't deserve him.

"Tell me what's eating away at you, chéri. Please, I hate that you won't talk to me."

She scoots her body closer to Charles so she doesn't have to see his face. "Just hard - I guess."

"It's okay to have hard days. It's okay that you feel the way you do. But this thing, hurting yourself, is not the way to make it better."

"I know that, Charlie!" Her voice cracks at saying his name. "I just can't help it."

Those fragile walls she has come tumbling down. The pit of despair finally swallows her, and she can't stop the tears.

It hurts. Her head, her heart, her bones, it all hurts. She falls and shatters, but Charles is here to put the pieces back together.

"I don't deserve you. You're everything people love, and I don't want to drag you down with me."

"Who put that idea in your head?"

"The voices," She sniffles. Her words muffled when Charles pulls her into his chest.

"Well, the voices are incorrect. I, of all people, know what it's like for the media to pick you a part. Whether it's appearances, my driving, my relationships, they will always find something." Charles pulls her back just a bit, enough for him to make eye contact. She hates how his eyes are as glassy as hers. "You don't have to suffer all alone, in silence. You have people around you that understand and want to help. None of us are asking for perfection. We - I - don't want to see you hurting so much."

"What if it's too much?"

"Then we figure it out together."

She falls asleep in Charles' arms. Tears soak into everything, but he doesn't tell her to move. He comforts, because Charles loves her.

She has people who want to be there for her. Yes, slips happen, healing is never straightforward, but she can try. She can lean on Charles, let him love her; let him be the steady rock she needs in her life.

"Progress chéri, not perfection."

"You sound like all team principles."

"And? It's a good saying!"

Charles pulls a laugh out of her. A genuine laugh at something that isn't even funny. She blames her love for him.

"Maybe I do deserve you."

"If this is an insult, I'm taking all the covers tonight."

[bellewintersroe]

Charles Leclerc X Schumacher!Daughter.

Lila is the youngest of the 3 Schumacher siblings, at 22 shes catching the attention of the public eye. With the new found popularity through Drive to Survive, social media has dubbed her the next ‘it’ girl despite her constant desire for privacy. When her love interest becomes more or less the most sought after man in F1, how will she cope with being the internets fascination? Both Charles and Lila have dealt with immense amounts of loss and trauma, so their mutual understanding for one another fuels their so called ‘friendship’.

Part 5, here is the LINK to part 4. Lila is beginning to feel envious of the beautiful girls that surround Charles on social media. Does she even have a chance with him? It’s been weeks since she could last fly out to a Grand Prix and Charles is beginning to feel oddly rejected. It’s not until after one not so fun race, that he’s finally open with her, and the two can finally be honest with one another about their feelings…

A deep sigh escaped my lips, scrolling down through my Instagram page. It’s not real, it’s not real, none of it’s real. Everything was an illusion, I reminded myself as I zoomed in on the perfectly airbrushed girl, with flat abs, a sucked in waist and the best tan I’d quite literally seen. She was beautiful to be quite frank, and when I saw who followed her I let out an even heavier sigh.

charles_leclerc

“If you breathe any heavier you’ll fly away…” Gina, my elder sister informed me in German from the other side of the table. Social media was originally ruining me. One minute I was confident and happy with my life, the next I was being prayed upon by thousands of people, intrigued into deeper into my personal life than ever. I switched off my phone and glanced back up, to real life. “Sorry.” I forced a smile, eyes falling back down to my phone. There was no new notifications- sadly enough for me.

“Are you coming to Hungary with us?” My sister then questioned again, “what for?” “The GP?” She spoke like it was obvious. My stomach twisted in excitement. “Oh! Yeah!” It had been 3 weeks since I’d last made it to a GP, I was finding myself obsessively feeling the urge to be there, especially because Charles would ask when I was next there. Now was my opportunity to text him first with the good news.

There was only one issue I found myself struggling with, and that was my insecurity and anxiety surrounding this whole ‘thing’ with Charles. I didn’t know what the hell was going on, we hadn’t seen each other enough to become anything more than friends, and when I had to tell him for the seventh or so time I couldn’t make it to where he was, I felt disheartened and worried he’d think I was rejecting him. That’s why I hopped on the opportunity to tell him I’d be present in Hungary, cheering him on. Phone cameras now eagerly followed me around the grid, desperate to gather some footage of me interacting with the Ferrari driver. All the attention had made me nervous, I was constantly checking over my shoulder, and I felt the cold stares other girls would give me, threatened that I was taking their favourite driver. It was almost like I was in competition with all these beautiful women that practically lived in or around the Grid and Paddock. I felt inferior, my own insecurities eating away at me as I kept my head down and continued walking on to do my own thing.

“Ah, Lila!” A familiar voice called out, I caught a glimpse of Toto walking by. “Hello!” I greeted, the taller man bringing me in for a tight hug. “How are you?! Here to see your brother?” “I’m good, how about you? I Just come for a little wonder, that’s all.” I nodded. “I’m good, and yes, yes- looking around for Leclerc I’ve been hearing?!” His words jabbed at a delicate part inside of me, burning my cheeks up a scarlet pink.

“Oh, rumours, Toto! Rumours!” I played it off like I wasn't a nervous wreck, but when i noticed red uniforms out of the corner of my eye, I practically jumped out of the confinements of my skin. It was just a handful of Ferrari mechanics making their way towards their garages. “Oh, of course. You have a good day, I will see you after with Susie?”

“Yeah of course! Oh, and tell Lewis and George I say good luck!!”

“I will, thank you Lila!” Hungary wasn’t so lucky for Mercedes or Ferrari. With Lewis in 4th he’d just narrowly missed a spot on the podium, George came in at 6th, and both Charles and Sainz were in 7th and 8th. As I lingered in the Mercedes area of the garage, people were still fairly happy, but the disappointment lingered in the room. It was a little stuffy and awkward, so I wondered outside to get air, pulling out my phone to be bold enough to text Charles. Just as I was typing a message, I heard a faint voice call my name. “Lila??” Spinning around, I locked my phone, noticing Charles lingering. “C’mere.” He gently ushered me inside, “hi.” I felt a little breathless, following after him in the garage. We were just inside the doorway, a bustle of people around making me feel a little overwhelmed. I was all flustered from seeing Charles, and although he looked a little saddened he still had a gentle smile lingering. “I was just about to text you.” I held up my phone as his smiled widened slightly, eyes gazing over my face. “I was going to text you-”

“Charles!” Somebody called out as he glanced back to a woman calling his name. It looked like his publicist. He let out a sigh, “I am sorry- yeah?!” He called out, scratching the back of his neck. “Will you come do a couple interviews?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Sorry, it’s a bad time.” I shyly spoke. “No, no, ill- uh, Mia!! Mia, please would you take Lila to my- ah what’s it called?” He fumbled as a pretty blonde approached with a smile.

“Motorhome?” Her accent was thick, Italian I assumed. “Yes please- is that ok?” He quickly asked as I giggled at the slight chaos. “That’s okay, Charles.” I agreed as he gave me a gentle pat on the arm before he had to rush off to complete interviews.

“Hello!! Lila isn’t it? I’m Mia.” She smiled. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you.” We engaged in small talk as she led me to Charles’ motor home. It surprisingly wasn’t awkward at all, I really liked Mia, I learnt she worked for Ferrari as a media and PR officer, super cool, I found it fascinating. Eventually though, she had to head back into the garage and I was left sitting alone, nervously awaiting Charles return.

“Guys… I’m in Charles’ motor home. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know why- he’s, he’s doing some interviews but I am shitting myself, how do I calm down?!” I quietly spoke into my phone, voice noting my friends as my leg jiggled anxiously. 10 minutes turned into 20, and nothing seemed to cool my nerves. I’d swallowed a full bottle of water and gone through 3 pieces of chewing gum and reapplied my lipgloss four times over. Finally, I heard voices, and when the door swung open my head lifted from my phone. My breath hitched seeing Charles, he looked a little stressed but still smiled when our eyes met. “I am sorry.” He exhaled, sliding the door shut behind him. “Oh, don’t be sorry!” I sat up a little straighter as he pulled a drink from his fridge. “Would you like one?” He glanced down to my empty water bottle. “Yes please. And yeah, don’t be sorry, I came at a bad time.” I caught the bottle as he gently threw it over.

“No, no.” His face scrunched. “I wanted to see you Lila, now is perfect. Even if the race didn’t go so … good.” He awkwardly laughed at himself as I drunk a little more water.

“You did drive well though, I was watching.” I pointed out. “Ah, thank you… not where I want to be though.”

“I know, I can imagine it’s frustrating, I feel like you and Carlos are doing everything right it’s just…” “Out of our control.” Charles finished my sentence as I nodded. “Still… we move.” He cleared his throat. “How have you been anyway, miss Lila, it’s been weeks?”

“Good, I’ve been good, honestly nothing so interesting has been happening lately. My life’s been pretty boring.”

“Pretty boring, sky diving?” He stripped the top half of his full driving suit off, revealing his white fireproofs. He was sat on the couch to my right, a little further away as I leant back into the plush of the pillows.

I let out a laugh, shaking my head. “I do that all the time, my dad practically threw me out of aeroplanes as soon as I reached 12.” “12?!” He gasped out loud, looking astonished. “I don’t even think it’s legal anymore, we were in Australia, I was petrified, I cried all the way up. The poor man on my back must’ve been so annoyed.”

“Sounds… fun.”

“When you get used to it…” I giggled. “How about you, have you ever been sky diving?” “One time in Dubai… I got so- eh what’s the English- en difficulté.” (In trouble).

“In trouble? Why?!” I blubbered our a laugh. “Because I didn’t tell anybody and uh- I think they were worried I would ah fall and die or something.”

“That wouldn’t have been good.” I snickered. “I have the videos.” He showed his phone, ushering me over as I moved to sit besides him on the couch. He scrolled through his camera roll, finding the video where he showed me plummeting down in Dubai. “Have you ever done it in Dubai?”

“Done what in Dubai?” My eyes narrowed as his widened. “Not that! I mean sky diving!!” “No we were meant to but we ah… went Skiing instead.” I awkwardly recalled, scratching the back of my neck. If only we went to Dubai, maybe things would have turned out very differently for my family.

“Ah nice..” Charles nodded as I glanced to see a video of a monkey on his screen. “What’s that?” I pointed out as he attempted to scroll by quickly.

“That was nothing.”

“No, a video of a monkey. On the floor.” I turned up to look at his lips tugging into an amused smile. “You really want to see it?”

“I do.” What Charles proceeded to show me was a video of a monkey physically chasing him around a group of people whilst he sprinted frantically away. I cried with laughter, watching it three times over as Charles shook his head, holding it in his hands.

“That’s- that’s too funny.” I giggled to myself as Charles let out a low chuckle. “You’re crying!” Charles exclaimed, laughing again himself as he rested a hand on my thigh.

“I can’t help it, that was so funny.” I wiped at the tears that had fallen from my ambush of laughter. “I was frightened… for my life.”

“I could tell.” I giggled, glancing down to see his hand still rested on my upper thigh. “I like you, Lila.” Charles spoke on an exhale as I turned to face him now. “Hm?” My smile perked as my laughter settled down.

“I really like you.” His brows furrowed, causing me to swoon at the serious expression that covered his face. “I like you too, Charles-” I casually responded.

“No, like.. I really like you.” He nodded as my lips parted slightly. “Yeah, so do I…” I whispered, gaining the confidence to move forwards and press a gentle kiss to his lips. It surprised me how quickly the kiss happened, Charles’ hand slipped over my cheek and I swear I had to hold onto his arm so I wouldn’t go dizzy from how intense I felt kissing him. It was more than good.

When we broke apart there was a second or so of silence, it was comfortable, his eyes were gazing over my face, a gentle smile lingered as I let out a slight breath of laughter. “I wanted to do that in Spain but the paparazzi ruined it.” My face heated remembering our date. “Oh yeah.” I brushed the lip gloss slightly off the outside of my lip. “Now your lips are shiny.” I pointed out as he laughed, throwing an arm around me, the other wiping at the gloss.

“How long are you in Hungary for?” He then asked, eyes flickering up and down over my lips again. “Ah, just until tomorrow.” Charles eyebrows furrowed slightly. “What about Belgium?”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“Will you come? I’ll take you out before- and after.” Charles shrugged. “Before and after?!” “Yeah, and I’ll even get pole position for you…” interesting…

[oversizedcat538]

Gojo Satoru x Reader

TLDR: You agreed to be Gojo's fake girlfriend and now you have to attend dinner with his parents.

Gojo and (Y/N) have been close friends since their freshman year in high school. They used to go on all kinds of adventures, stirring up mischief wherever they went. However, since they started college together, things have been relatively calm. 

That is, until a month ago. Gojo began having trouble with a new girl in his class. He was trying to be nice to her, but it quickly turned into a headache as she wouldn't leave him alone. (Y/N) could see the stress on his face every time his phone rang. So, when he asked her to pretend to be his girlfriend, she agreed without hesitation. The plan worked perfectly! The girl began to back off and leave him alone, making him feel more relieved than ever.

Even though (Y/N) wanted to end it, Gojo insisted they keep up the act to satisfy his parents' curiosity about a possible daughter-in-law. She reluctantly agreed, wanting to be a good friend. Until now. Gojo stood in front of her, with a smirk on his face. "My parents are asking about you again," he said, "Do you think you can attend a dinner with us tonight?"

"I absolutely can't," she exclaimed as the absurd suggestion of meeting his parents left her breathless. "This is getting ridiculous. We need to just call it quits and come clean." 

Gojo's tone was half-joking and half-serious as he replied, "I can't just call it quits, babe. My dad is already pressuring me about us being in love and getting married. If he finds out it was just a cover-up, he would lose his mind. You have to do it... It's the only way we can keep this charade up a lil' longer." She crossed her arms, mirroring his stance. "Why exactly do we have to keep this going? Didn't that girl leave you alone already?"

"She did, but now the drama has moved to my parents," he rolled his eyes. "They were already suspicious it was all fake, to begin with. Now, they're calling me every day and asking about wedding plans and kids. You think I haven't tried to stop their insanity? Of course, I have, but it's not working. I need you to come tonight."

A brief silence fell over them as they exchanged looks. Feeling a bit uneasy, she looked elsewhere, not wanting to look at him anymore. She could feel his eyes burning into the side of her face. After a moment, she glanced back and groaned in defeat, throwing up her hands. "Ugh. Fine! You get one night!" His whole face lit up into the most wide-mouth smile. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I knew I could count on you. I'll pick you up at 7:30! No later!" Gojo was practically bouncing with excitement, which was a little off-putting. "Oh! And... wear something nice." She rolled her eyes and watched as he bounced away in a hurry. 

~Time Skip to 7:30~

 She looked at herself in the mirror, making sure she was dressed appropriately. It was skin-melting hot outside, so she chose to wear a casual black summer dress. She heard a car honking outside just as she sprayed some perfume on herself. She felt nervous about leaving the house but decided to swallow her pride and go. She was a damn good friend after all.

Gojo's white BMW was idling in the driveway, its bright lights beaming from the dark driveway towards the front door. She could almost hear him humming a tune from within, waiting anxiously for her to get into the car. The windows were slightly rolled down, his elbow sticking out the window as he waved at her to come. As she got closer, her anxiety increased. What if Gojo's parents didn't like her? What if they thought she wasn't good enough for him? Even though they weren't dating, these thoughts made her anxious.

She opened the car door and swiftly got in, closing it behind her. The tension was thick as she buckled up her seatbelt. Before Gojo could even put the car in gear, he looked at her with a mischievous grin. "You look great! My parents are gonna love you." He glanced at her, making sure the compliments were working before turning his attention to the windshield as he began to pull out of the driveway. She began to dread the rest of the night, sighing in response. She turned her attention to him, putting on a small smile. "Thanks.." She paused, unsure of how to continue. "So..is there anything I should know before we get there?"

Gojo glanced over, shooting her a playful grin. "Not much... Just that they're a little intense. Especially my dad... He'll probably give you the whole rundown of our family's history and expect you to know all about it. If you just pretend to be interested, it will hopefully go over smoother." He glanced again with a reassuring smile on his face, "That's pretty much it. Not too complicated." She just smiled and nodded, glancing out the window "Right.." 

The rest of the car ride was nothing but awkward and anxious silence, with the soft sounds of the wind and the radio. Before she knew it, they were pulling into a driveway. Suddenly, she began to feel like she might be sick from the sheer terror that lingered inside her chest. "We're here..." Gojo said, bringing the vehicle to a stop and turning off the engine. She could feel her stomach turn into knots at the mere thought of meeting his parents. He turned towards her with a grin and gave her shoulder a playful bump, "Don't worry. I'll be right next to you the whole time. If they start getting too intense, I'll step in." She nodded, taking a deep breath and opening the car door. Gojo joined her side and grabbed her hand with a grin. "Hey..let's head in, yeah?"

 They approached the house, a modern two-story home with a mix of traditional Japanese architecture. It was quite nice, her eyes observing the detail. Gojo's grip on her hand only tightened as he noticed her growing anxiousness, hoping that it would reassure her. She looked at him, a smile instantly lighting up her face. (Y/N) squeezed his hand back in response, feeling a bit flustered at the fact she was actually holding his hand, something she had never done in the past 5 years of their friendship. Before either of them could speak up, the front door opened. There stood an older couple in sleek casual clothing, his mom had long, straight white hair and his father had shorter wavy white hair. Both had stern looks on their faces as they observed the pair. "Ah, so this is her..." His mom said as they approached, "You've finally brought her home, son."

(Y/N) instinctively bowed at them, wanting to remain respectful. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Gojo." The pair looked at her for a moment, his dad sizing her up carefully as his mom nodded. "We've heard great things. Come in, come in. We would love to get to know you a bit better." His mom gestured the pair forward as she and his father began walking back into the home, his dad glancing back with a serious look on his face. His mother led them into the kitchen, which looked like something out of a cooking show. Gojo gently squeezed her hand, hoping to distract her from the intense stares of his parents. Taking a deep breath, she entered the dining room where Gojo courteously pulled out her chair and pushed it back in after she sat down. She acknowledged his gesture with a grateful nod and a smile. Gojo gave her a reassuring nod as his parents took their seats across from them, with his mother stealing another glance at her before starting to speak. "We are very pleased to finally meet you. Gojo speaks about you so often, and getting to see you in person brings us much joy."

~A lil time skip~

After dinner, there was a lot of chatter at the table. The small talk at first was a bit awkward, but Gojo's parents did what every other parent does when their child invites a love interest over; they shared embarrassing stories from his childhood. It all made sense now why Gojo was the way he was, as his adventures and mischievous behavior as a child had contributed to his personality. As they all laughed, her eyes met Gojo's, and she felt an unfamiliar feeling in her stomach. She noticed his eye contact lingered on her a few seconds longer than it should, and there was almost a faint blush on his cheeks. She couldn't take her eyes off him, noticing little things about his body movements and mannerisms that just felt slightly different from their usual ones around each other. Throughout the rest of their time at the table, she could feel Gojo's eyes on her, as if he wasn't even listening to the current conversation. Eventually, Gojo's parents and (Y/N) stood from the table, catching him off guard. (Y/N) looked at him confused and motioned her head to the door with a small smile. "Hey, it's getting late."

As they walk out the door together, (Y/N) turns and waves, yelling her goodbyes from the driveway, feeling more comfortable now with their presence. She smiles big as she gets into the car, closing the door. Gojo cranks the car and seems to be a bit off. "What's wrong?" she quietly says, glancing over at him with a worried look, "You were a bit quiet after dinner." He looks over at her and smiles, trying to hide what he is feeling. He can tell she's picking up on his emotions, and that worries him a bit. He pulls out of the driveway, driving for a few seconds before speaking up, "Nah, nothing. Just a lot on my mind. My parents were just getting on my nerves a bit is all." 

They share a pause of silence before (Y/N) speaks up, sounding very apologetic. "Oh, I'm sorry Satoru. I didn't mean to upset you by laughing. I was just trying to make conversation with your parents."

 "That's not what I mean..." He paused for a moment, thinking of how best to explain his thoughts. "I liked seeing you laugh. It was nice." He paused for a few seconds as he looked at her from his peripheral vision, trying to gauge her response before looking at the road again. She smiled even though she was a bit confused, feeling at ease knowing he wasn't upset with her, "You make me laugh all the time, though?"

He chuckled at her response, glancing at her again as he thought about what to say. Just do it. It's what you've wanted all night. Why back out now? Just say it. "You make me happy...is what I mean" 

 There it was. That feeling again. Feeling a bit surprised by his seemingly cryptic response, she looks at him, wanting to read into his words correctly. If he meant what she thought he meant, she wanted to come clean too. "You make me happy too, Gojo." He smiles brightly, taking a deep breath with a look of relief on his face. He can't stop himself from taking her hand and lacing his fingers through hers. He looks over and gives her that playful, devilish grin of his. "Well, well, well. Look at you, all confident." She playfully nudges him hard, feeling a bit flustered as he seemingly puts the attention on her, "Oh, shut up. You're the one who said it first." He laughs at the sudden jab on his abdomen and looks over, amused at her playful anger. "Yeah.. So? You were obviously flirting with me the whole night, too, so don't go trying to deny it all of a sudden." He looks back straight ahead, making his eyes wide with a grin spreading across his face. She gasps at the false accusation he threw at her, looking at him sternly. "Oh, says the man who was eye fucking me at the table!" He bursts into laughter as he can't contain the noise any longer. His fingers squeeze hers tightly as he looks her over with that look in his eyes. "Heh heh.. guilty. I might've been." She groans and rolls her eyes, holding a smile back as she turns towards the window.

As they drove, he chuckled and continued to gaze at her with a slight grin on his face. The air was filled with a comfortable silence. After a few moments, he broke the silence with a question. "Are we even pretending anymore?" She thought for a moment as they stopped at a red light, then looked back at him. "I...don't know, are we?" They remained silent for a few seconds before he replied with one word. "No." He followed her lead and turned to face her. 

They shared a lingering look before Gojo leaned over and connected their lips in a soft kiss, catching her off guard. She eased into the kiss, closing her eyes and moving slightly closer to him to tighten their locked lips. They embraced each other tightly as they kissed (one of his hands still on the wheel ofc), with each moment making their hearts beat faster and faster. She could feel the heat radiating from his body, which made her want him even more. There was a lingering sense of ecstasy and pure bliss that filled her mind as they continued to hold the kiss, neither one wanting to pull away just yet. 

Then, a sudden and loud car horn startled them both, causing them to jump back into their original positions. The car behind them continued to honk as the green light illuminated their flustered and embarrassed faces. Despite the awkward situation, (Y/N) couldn't help but start giggling, Gojo joining in as he began to drive. His hand rested on her thigh during the remainder of the drive as they snickered and joked about the events that had just unfolded. 

The chatter between the two eventually subsided as they pulled into (Y/N)'s driveway. The pair exited the car and walked up to the porch. (Y/N) nudged Gojo and said, "I had a great time tonight. Thank you for inviting me to your parents' dinner. They were both lovely."

 "I'm happy my parents approve," he said with a serious expression, stepping back after giving her a quick kiss on the top of her head. "It was my pleasure having you around. You were an absolute delight." He winked at her and chuckled. "Otherwise, that dinner would've been a lot more awkward if they didn't." 

(Y/N) took a deep breath and exhaled heavily. "Mannn, that would have sucked," she laughed, and Gojo joined in. "For sure. We can't have you becoming the target of their lectures too, now can we?" He smiled and playfully poked her on the shoulder. "Anyways, it's quite late, and I should get going, so you can get some rest. Unless you want me to stay the night and protect you from those evil cursed spirits? I could always cuddle and give you forehead kisses." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. She giggled at his "smooth talk" and sarcastically said, "Say, how'd you know I have a cursed spirit problem?" 

She turned to the door and unlocked it, heading inside and leaving the door wide open for him. 

*Hi, thank you for reading if you've read this far! I haven't written fan fiction since like middle school, so if the writing or story seems jank, then I apologize. Requests are open if you feel like submitting something! Again, thank you!!!!* EDIT: Hi, again! Soo for some weird reason, a few paragraphs like..duplicated over top of each other? I'm low-key embarrassed, but it should be fixed now!!

[spontaneousmusicalnumber]

The Wasp Saga, or, How I Wasted Half my Lunch Break

(Note: If you are rude about wasps on this post you will be blocked. We respect them as important ecosystem members here.)

Yesterday it was super warm, like three months out of season warm, and in order to stave off the climate anxiety I decided to walk to the corner grocery store for lunch, eat outside, and get some rare February vitamin D. In a rare W the grocery counter Chinese food was freshly made, way better quality than usual, and ON SALE so I was riding that high. I ate, I enjoyed the weather. As I was starting to consider saving the rest for the next day's lunch a wasp buzzed up to me and landed. on my leg.

Now one thing about me is that I am trying very hard to overcome a crippling phobia of bees and wasps. From when I was a child through my early 20's I was frequently trapped inside or outside buildings because a wasp was hanging out near the door frame and I would refuse to go within 20 feet of it. Please read the following as if it required the courage of a knight and the patience of a saint.

This wasp was likely a queen that had woken up from hibernation a couple months early and was looking for a place to build a new hive. I respect wasps as important members of the ecosystem despite my deep seated fear and did not wish to kill her. She was the least flappable, most chill wasp I have ever encountered. This worked against me.

You see, she was quite happy to be on my leg. Started meandering down my khakis towards my shoe as if she didn't have a care in the world. As if I wasn't shaking my leg, walking around, stomping my foot, jerking back and forth, and jumping up and down to try and dislodge her. Eventually she walked onto my shoe and I did NOT want her do decide the inside of my pants was an attractive option here. So I bent down and blew on her, which finally bothered her enough to get off this ride. She buzzed away and landed.

On the edge of my lunch.

Now if this were any other day, I might have let her have it. Being on the wrong side of an angry wasp is not pleasant. But today the chinese food was good, and I wanted those leftovers as much as she did. So I decided to fight for it.

Let me set the scene: I am sitting on a concrete ledge, about knee-high. My lunch is inside a container, and the container is still nestled in the plastic bag from the grocery store. The container has a lid, which I managed to get over the food before the wasp could climb onto it. The wasp was on the plastic container, somewhat nestled inside the plastic bag.

Now if this wasp was content on my leg, she was downright ecstatic here on my lunch. She has just discovered a heaven of meat and fat and sugar. Her daughters will feast their whole lifetimes. She is not letting go.

I am trying to figure out how to bother this blissed-out wasp enough that she decides to abandon this nirvana, but not enough for her to decide I am a threat that must be eliminated. The next few minutes are spent nudging and prodding and shifting the container. Not a move. I move the bag. She folds up her wings. I blow on her. Frequently, often, from multiple angles. She's not falling for that trick again.

I try to nudge her off with a fork. Twice. She doesn't even move a leg, just sways sideways. I decide to take more drastic measures. I get up on the seat, take off my overshirt, and gently start flailing it at the bag, hoping to brush her off or make her think she's being swatted.

At this point a dog walker comes by and notices me standing up on a concrete wall, gingerly flapping my henley at a Monday orange chicken special. "Wasp stole my lunch," I explain. She sympathizes and moves on. I realize the wasp also stole my dignity a long while ago.

A gust of wind hits and the wasp seeks shelter under the lip of the container. My lunch break is very nearly over. I seriously begin to consider that I may lose. I realize that leaving my lunch here would be littering, and wildly against my morals. I press on.

I pick up the container out of the bag, wasp and all. I swing it left and right. I shake it up and down. She doesn't even care. I seriously wonder if I should just bring her inside and go about my day. Maybe if I put her in the fridge she would get sleepy enough to capture and release. Or maybe I'd be the idiot who let a wasp loose in the building because they brought it inside on purpose. It's a long walk from the door to the fridge.

I get to the door. Now or never. One last idea. I drop it a few inches. This is the move: Precisely enough to make her lose her grip on the container. My last view of her is on her back, wings not even buzzing, legs flailing as she tries to stand up. I snatch what is now mine by right of combat and flee indoors.

It was 76 degrees that day, yesterday afternoon. Tonight it will get down to 12. That's a normal temperature for February. She should not have been awake yet. I hope that despite all the grief and indignity she caused me, that she found somewhere safe and warm to hide, and that she finds somewhere just as good as my container of chinese food to build a nest.

[happy74827]

Pink Palace

[Luke Riordan x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: You finally decided to let Luke visit your dorm room, and let’s just say… he wasn’t expecting what was hidden inside (GIF Credits: @crimsoncountess)

WC: 2013

Category: Fluff

I’ve wanted to write more for Gen V for a while now, and with my friend producing ideas (love you @summerrivera777777), I finally wrote a Luke fic since I both love and miss him so much. Unproblematic king 🙌

And what better way to write him with a little fluff 😏

『••✎••』

You and Luke have been going steady since the beginning of the new term. You’ve been very close since day one and have been best friends before you two decided to date. Even when you two have been together, you guys were never apart. He was the perfect boyfriend; he was always there for you. The only thing was that you were very… new to all of this.

You’ve never really been with anyone before. Luke was your first boyfriend and your first kiss, and that was only a month ago. Luke was also the first boy to show interest in you. You were the girl who would rather study and hang out with her friends, the girls. But when Luke came along, your whole world turned upside down. He was Golden Boy, the number 1 hero of the school, the guy every girl wanted.

And now you were dating him.

Even after months into your relationship, you still couldn't believe that this was happening. That a guy as handsome, smart, kind, and strong would ever want to be with someone like you. But he did, and it felt like heaven. He treated you like you were his world.

That still went without saying that you were a nervous wreck. There were certain things you made a big deal out of, even though Luke had done them hundreds of times. Such as, when he would wrap his arms around your waist, he would pull you closer to him, making your chest push up against his. It drove you crazy because you weren't used to it. Your heart would always beat a million times per minute, and you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks. You would always stutter over your words, making you look like an idiot.

It wasn't just that, though. You didn’t even let him near your dorm room. You’d gone to his dorm on rare occasions, but whenever he tried to take you to your room, you would make some sort of excuse and get him to leave.

It was a stupid thing; you knew it, but you couldn’t help it. Call it embarrassment, call it anxiety, call it what you will. You couldn’t help the way you felt. Today, though, was a little different. You were starting to realize how stupid you were being and wanted to change that. You didn’t want to have your nerves take over anymore; you wanted to feel what everyone else felt, no matter how embarrassing it was.

Today was the day. You and Luke were going to be alone together in your dorm, and nothing was going to get in the way.

You were a mess the whole day, even fumbling in your English class. You never fumbled during English class, not even when you were taking a test. It was the one class that was always easy for you, and yet, today, you were a train wreck.

After the final bell rang, signaling the end of the day, you headed back to your dorm room to clean up. You were lucky enough that your roommate, a girl named Aiko, had some study sessions (it definitely wasn’t a study session) with her friends, which gave you the whole room to yourself.

You started by straightening up a little bit. Not too much, though. It would seem weird if your room were completely cleaned out of the mess that had accumulated throughout the semester. Once the room looked decent, you moved on to your desk, shoving the clutter out of the way and onto the floor, or in the drawers, or under your bed. It didn't matter where they went, just as long as they were out of sight.

With your desk finally clean, you moved on yourself. You ran your hands through your hair, hoping it looked good, then pulled out a tube of lip gloss and spread it onto your lips. You smacked your lips together, hoping the color would look nice. Once you were satisfied, you went back into the bathroom and grabbed your makeup bag, dumping it onto your bed and sifting through it until you found what you were looking for. Mascara and eyeshadow.

After putting it on, you decided to change. You didn’t want to look too gaudy, just enough to look decent. You put on a pink cami, then pulled on a white crop top that had the sleeves cut off and the collar lined with lace. You took off your skirt and replaced it with a pair of jeans.

You were definitely overthinking this, you thought. What you were wearing was perfectly fine. Nothing was out of place. Yet here you were, acting as though Luke was that rich auntie who nitpicked every single thing you did.

You sat at the foot of your bed, letting out a heavy sigh and rubbing your eyes. You needed to calm down. It’s Luke, your boyfriend, not the queen of England.

A knock on the door pulled you out of your thoughts. You froze, wondering if that was Luke or your roommate. You didn't move, waiting for another knock, but you were only met with silence.

You jumped off the bed, making your way towards the door and slowly opening it. It was Luke, of course, smiling down at you with his perfect pearly white teeth. His smile always made you weak in the knees.

"Hey, gorgeous," he greeted, leaning in to peck your lips. “Got your text. Ready to go?”

Oh, right. The lie you told him. You were “planning” on going to brunch together. To… catch up and talk about whatever couples talk about. You honestly had no idea. When you asked him, it was all but word vomit. He agreed, of course. A little suspicious but still happy.

“Uhm, yeah, about that—” you began, rubbing the back of your neck nervously, a sheepish grin on your face.

He gave you a concerned look. "Is something wrong?"

"I— uh..." you couldn't bring yourself to tell him. It was so stupid. So, so stupid. “We’re not going to brunch.”

He gave you a confused look, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. He was wearing his white pullover, the one that made his arms look even better, and his hands were stuffed into the front pockets of his dark jeans. He was giving you his full attention, his body leaning slightly forward.

"We're not?" He was suspicious, but his tone was sweet.

You shook your head, chewing the inside of your cheek. You felt your cheeks getting warm, so you covered your mouth, trying to hide your face.

"No... uh, I thought we could... stay in. Y-You know, like, watch a movie and have snacks or something." You were trying so hard to get the words out.

His look of concern was replaced with a grin. "Like a movie night?"

"Yeah. We can do that."

He smiled. “Alright, I got a TV I think we can use. I just need—”

Ugh, he was so nice. You couldn’t have him do all the work.

You cut him off. "Luke, as much as I love your movie taste, I would really like to pick the movie for tonight. And, if it's okay, I think my room would be a lot more comfortable.

"Yeah, sure. No problem. I'll just… wait, what? Your room?" His smile disappeared, and a worried expression was replaced with it.

You nodded, your hands clasped together. You were squeezing your hands so tight your knuckles were turning white. You were so scared, so nervous, and the way he was looking at you was not helping.

"Are you sure?" He asked, his voice quiet. God, he was so worried about you. It was so sweet yet so nerve-wracking.

You nodded and took a deep breath. "I'm sure. I mean, I think it's about time. We've been together for months now, and I’ve never invited you in before."

"I know, and that's perfectly fine. I don't mind. We don't have to rush into anything."

"I know, but I'm tired of being such a stupid baby and making such a big deal out of nothing."

Luke laughed. "You're not a stupid baby."

"You say that now," you mumbled, "But, seriously, Luke. I'm ready."

"And that's fine," he said, "But I'm just worried. I don't want to do anything that'll make you uncomfortable.

"Luke, you've never made me uncomfortable. I’m just uncomfortable with myself."

He reached forward, cupping your face and making you look up at him. His touch was gentle and reassuring, his gaze soft. "I can't imagine why because I think you're amazing."

He was too sweet.

"Luke," you whined.

"I'm serious," he replied, pressing his forehead against yours, "And if you're sure you're ready, then… movie night it is."

You smiled, nodding, "Okay."

He leaned forward and kissed your lips softly, and it felt as though he was trying to comfort you. You closed your eyes, letting out a quiet sigh, and reached up to wrap your hands around his wrists. He tilted his head, kissing you a little deeper, and pulled away with a quiet smack.

With another breath, you opened your eyes and took his hands, pulling him into your room. His eyes immediately get captured by the small space, the walls decorated with posters and pictures. The bed was neatly made, the pink and white sheets matching the pillows and the duvet. The desk was neat, the clutter hidden away, and the closet door was closed, hiding the clothes and shoes that were probably all over the floor.

“I… oh, wow.” Luke was in a daze. “It’s so…”

“Clean?” You offered, a slight chuckle escaping your lips.

He shook his head, a smile on his face. "It's so... Pink.”

You snorted, closing the door. "That's the first thing you noticed?"

"Well, it's like a pink explosion. You didn't strike me as the type to have a lot of pink stuff."

"I wear pink every day."

"Yeah, but that's a color. Not… this." He gestured towards the whole room.

You frowned that nervousness returning to you. You thought the color was nice. Was he not a fan of pink? Did he not like it?

"Is that bad?" You asked, wringing your hands.

Like a switch was turned on, his eyes widened, and he was suddenly aware of his words. Be aware of what they did to you. "No! Oh my god, no, no. I think it's lovely. Very fitting."

You sighed, letting the worry wash away from you. Thank god. Overthinking things was something you always did, but at least it was easy to get you out of that mindset.

You sat on the edge of the bed, patting the spot next to you. Luke joined you, wrapping his arm around your waist. He pulled you closer, pressing his lips to your temple, then to the side of your head, then to your cheek. You giggled, swatting him away playfully.

"I like the pink, I promise," he assured, "It's just not what I'm used to seeing."

You smiled. "Thanks. I'm glad you like it."

"I think I have the perfect movie for tonight."

"Oh, yeah? What's that?"

"Legally…” He paused for dramatic effect, "Blonde."

You snorted. "Does my room have anything to do with your choice?"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"Whatever you say, Riordan."

He grinned, pecking your lips once again. Soft, like Luke. He was always soft. Always so gentle and careful. And he always treated you like you were the most delicate thing. It was endearing.

You were still nervous. Your heart was still beating fast, but not as much as before. The longer he stayed, the longer the movie played, the calmer you became. You were finally relaxed.

Overthinking things was a part of you, unfortunately. But it was always easier when Luke was around. You couldn't help the anxiety that built up, but with him there, everything felt better.

You knew, with time, you would learn to trust yourself. It was only a matter of time. And you had the best boyfriend to help you.

[d1xonss]

Desert Rose

Chapter 24 ~ Good Mourning

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 2

✧ Word Count : 6.1k

In this chapter ~ An unexpected death occurs, leaving everyone heartbroken for the man's fate. However, the group decides to honor his last wishes, leaving Randall alive though they would still take him far away from the others to ensure everyone remained safe. Though it proves to be more difficult than they had planned as the man had seemed to escape. But the whole thing left a pit in Rose's stomach as she couldn't help but form distrust from a certain man whose face was written in suspicion.

After an hour or two had passed and the sun was finally gone, Daryl got up and left, saying he was going to help Rick and Shane take care of Randall before the chance was gone.

But the thing was, I was doing exactly what Dale said we would all be doing, hiding out in the tent in hopes I could forget the events happening just a few hundred feet away from me. Cowering away as if that would ease myself about the situation at all. I had only been sitting there for a few minutes, my leg bouncing from the anxiety and my mind racing at the possible things that could go wrong. Distracting myself with things around the space wasn't helping, in fact it was only driving me more wild if that were even possible.

The book I had originally picked up to read wasn't doing much, none of the words sticking with me as I only seemed to scan the pages with my eyes. My sketchbook wasn't a good option either, not being able to come up with a single new idea to draw as there was a physical cloud towering over my head. It was useless.

Eventually, I couldn't take sitting there any longer by myself, so I got up to my feet and headed outside the tent to take a walk and stretch my legs for a while. I slowly headed in the direction towards the field where Daryl and I had talked just a few moments ago, enjoying the silence and somewhat peaceful night, a few crickets chirping softly in the background.

But I paused suddenly and slowed down when I spotted a figure walking a good distance away from me, only squinting my eyes momentarily to see it was Dale seemingly doing the same thing I was. Taking a walk far from the shed. My steps stopped for a moment as I debated with myself if I should go up to him or not. Would he want to talk to me? Probably not, I had just argued with him over something he was so sure about, and I knew that it hurt him.

So I decided to just leave him be as I turned myself to move in the opposite direction. Though right as I was about to step away, I stopped again when I saw something slowly sneaking up on him from just behind his back. The realization hit me quickly that it was a lone walker and he had yet to hear it and turn around.

I broke out into a sprint without a second thought, getting out one of my knives to throw at it before it could reach him. I wanted to stop and aim at the dead thing, but it was too dark, and I was still too far away, so I just kept running. But the walker was only getting closer, inching its way further before I even had a chance at reaching him. And Dale still hadn't flinched, had hardly moved a muscle as he somehow didn't hear the noise creeping up behind him, and I panicked.

"Dale! Move now!" I yelled at him.

He turned around swiftly upon hearing my voice, his eyes widening once he finally saw the monster, beginning to fumble with the shotgun in his hands to fire. But he wasn't fast enough. The walker landed on top of him in an instant, a gunshot firing not a second later as the man's finger no doubt hovered over the trigger, before he let out a loud and deafening scream. That only made me run faster, pushing myself further even though my lungs started to burn, and my legs wanted to give out. He couldn't die. No way in hell.

He kept screaming in fear and pain as I finally got close enough to throw my knife directly towards the walkers head, just barely striking it towards the right side before it fell limp on top of him immediately. I ran the rest of the way over to him, shoving the body off of him before letting out a gasp of shock at what I saw before me. He was laying flat on his back in excruciating pain, as the walker somehow managed to tear his stomach open to shreds.

How could it have happened so fast? His blood was spilling out and coating his white shirt so quickly and drastically, it was all so hard to comprehend as I couldn't peel my eyes away from him.

My hands instinctively went up to cover my mouth, getting down to his level quickly to try and calm his heavy and panicked breathing. His eyes were wide as he couldn't even speak, the pain being too unbearable to even try. But my head turned around quickly over my shoulder, hearing the others shouting and rushing towards us through the tall grass blindly with flashlights in their hands as they tried to spot us.

"Over here! Guys!" I yelled as I stood back up, waving my hands to flag them down.

Once I saw the flashlights heading closer to us, I knelt down on the ground by Dale's head again, starting to whisper reassuring things to him in the calmest voice I could muster. But even he could tell how hard I was trying, how hard I was pretending that everything was going to be okay.

Daryl was the first one to make it over and he stood over us there in shock for a few seconds before kneeling down right beside me, telling Dale to hang in there.

Then almost everyone seemed to come over all at once. Rick, Shane, Lori, Carl, Glenn, Andrea, and Carol all looked at Dale in horror seeing the state that he was left in. They were all frantic as they stood there with wide eyes, Rick freaking out the most out of everyone as he snapped to the first person he saw.

"Hershel! Get Hershel!" Rick yelled.

Andrea was on Dale's other side in an instant, holding his hand as she sobbed. I felt warm tears start to pool in my eyes as well, looking down at him with nothing but regret forming in my stomach. I should've thrown my knife sooner, but I was too far away. I should've yelled sooner, but he barely heard me to begin with. On instinct, I grabbed Dale's other hand as my tears began to fall and I bowed my head, while Hershel seemed to get here in only a matter of a few minutes. Probably seeing how frantic and panicked Glenn was as he was the one to rush back towards the house.

"What can we do?" Rick asked desperately.

I heard nothing from the older man as he pondered about what to do, but in the back of my mind I already knew the answer. I sighed and gripped his hand tighter, feeling Daryl begin to rub my back from next to me although I could barely feel a thing. Barely hear a thing other than the slight ringing in my ears, the adrenaline beginning to wear off as my hands slightly shook.

"Can we move him?" Rick asked when Hershel didn't respond.

He only shook his head, "He won't make the trip." he muttered.

"We have to do the operation here, Glenn get back to the house!" Rick yelled.

"Rick!" Hershel yelled to get his attention. When I didn't hear him say anything else, I looked back up just in time to see him shaking his head with a sad expression, telling us that there was nothing we could do. Cries began to erupt from all around us as the realization sunk in, knowing what we would have to do next, slowly breaking my heart at just the thought. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, how I wish we could've been closer, or how I wish we hadn't argued as much in the end. How I wished we would've just listened to him and his reasons, instead of this all unfolding instead.

"I'm so sorry Dale, I'm so sorry." I whispered, knowing it was all I could think of to say to him.

He was in so much pain he didn't respond, but he tried his best to form a smile and squeezed my hand in reassurance. Though it didn't last long as he cried out once more at the sensation, tears reforming in the corners of his eyes as he tried not to yell too loudly.

"He's suffering, we have to do something." Andrea pleaded as her gaze snapped back and forth between him and everyone else surrounding the scene.

Rick turned back to us and let out a shaky breath, struggling to take out his gun and aim it at Dale's head. He couldn't bring himself to do it and I understood completely. How could you even prepare for something like this, shooting a man we all cared deeply for just for him to finally be at peace. It was horrible. I then suddenly felt Daryl's hand leave my back as he slowly stood up to walk over towards Rick. He gently took the gun out of his hold with a nod and took his place silently instead, pointing the gun towards his head. Dale started to look up to see what was happening, but I quickly stopped him.

"No, no Dale, look at me. Just look at me." I said as I squeezed his hand again.

His gaze panned over at me, his breathing still heavy and his mouth agape. I didn't want him to be looking at the thing that was about to end his life. I could tell he was thankful for a lot of things in that moment, but most of all I think he was thankful to not have to suffer any longer, and not have to go through it alone. I kept my eyes on him the whole time, not being able to look away.

"Sorry brother." I heard Daryl say, a single gunshot following only seconds later.

His hand fell limp in mine in a split second and couldn't help the heavy breath that passed my lips as I ducked my head back down towards the ground. A part of me was grateful that he didn't have to suffer anymore, not just now, but in this world. He wouldn't have to fear anything ever again. He was at peace.

But that didn't make it any less painful for the rest of us. Gathering the strength to pick my head back up, I glanced back to them, seeing the broken and guilty looks on their faces, all of us having a moment of silence for the man we all grew to care about.

After witnessing the many depressing events, it only caused a very long and restless night. I couldn't fall asleep, whenever I closed my eyes all I could see was Dale suffering and screaming. Replaying over and over again in my mind. It was horrible, traumatizing for us all to watch him slowly pass, leaving only the burning image behind our eyelids. Daryl couldn't seem to fall asleep either with the way he constantly moved, and I couldn't even imagine how he was feeling. Being the one to put Dale down himself, it was surely weighing him down more than he let on.

We didn't say anything the whole night, though we both knew the other was awake. We just simply laid there huddled close to one another, listening to the calmness of the night. Both of us seemed to have a mutual understanding that we didn't feel like talking. We were just simply there for each other in silence, and right now that's all we needed.

But the next morning seemed even harder. That's when we had the ceremony for Dale, and all of us gathered around to listen and mourn the loss of someone else. It seemed like just a few days ago we were in the same small circle, gathered around for Sophia as we said our final goodbye. Now having to do it all over again in such a short span of time, it was a lot.

I tried my hardest to listen to Rick's words as he spoke about him but I couldn't seem to stay focused, spacing in and out, letting my mind wander while the guilt slowly ate away at me. I knew I shouldn't keep blaming myself for the losses we seemed to take, but how could I not? How could I not when I always felt like I could've done more.

The only thing I managed to hear Rick say is that we would honor Dale, and prove that this group isn't broken. I had a feeling I knew what he meant by that without him having to say anything else. Randall was going to live. At this point I didn't really care what we did with him anymore because of how much had happened. How much damage that one man had caused when he didn't even step one foot out of that shed.

After Rick was done speaking and minutes of complete silence passed over us, people slowly began to disperse back towards the house. Taking it upon themselves to process this in their own way. I picked my head up after a moment, glancing around to everyone who was left, and pausing when I saw Glenn. He stood completely still, staring longingly at Dale's grave with reddened eyes, more tears only building up and threatening to spill.

It hurt to look at him, to see how much it was affecting him. Everyone could easily see that Dale had grown to be a father figure towards Glenn, and the loss was only taking a toll on him in unimaginable ways.

Daryl hadn't moved from his place right next to me the whole time, even as the remaining people stood in silence, but I felt him subtly nudge my arm after a while. My eyes glanced back up to him enough to see him briefly nod his head away from the remainder of the group so we could talk. I followed him wordlessly as he walked in front of me, wanting to get away from all the depressing shit that seemed to follow us like the goddamn plague. But I knew in the back of my mind no matter how much I wanted to escape it; it would somehow always be there.

The two of us got a good distance away from everyone else, before he finally turned around to face me again, "You doin okay?" he hesitatnly asked.

I nodded my head silently, knowing that if I opened my mouth to try and speak, the floodgates would only open once more. During the whole small ceremony I didn't cry, not because I didn't want to, but because I was embarrassed. I was tired of crying, and I was especially tired of crying in front of Daryl. Somehow always managing to catch my not so great moments.

"Say somethin." he spoke in a soft voice.

Closing my eyes with a deep sigh, I muttered, "I'm okay."

But my voice cracking towards the end, just proved how much I wasn't okay. Not in the slightest. That's all it took and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face like a fucking dam that broke instantly. But upon seeing this, he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around me tightly in a hug, rubbing my back reassuringly. I let out a breath as I buried my face into his chest, crying quietly as I finally let everything out that I had been holding back. His chin rested on top of my head, his soothing voice echoing around the silent space.

"I know, I know. It's gonna be alright." he spoke softly.

I wanted to believe him more than anything even though the hope I once had was slowly dimming, I still nodded my head regardless.

After a few moments of being a complete mess, I got control of my breathing and was able to pull my head away to actually look him in the eye. He studied me with an emotion I couldn't quite figure out, although I could tell he was still worried. He was so incredibly patient with me, it amazed me.

"Thanks." I whispered as I wiped my cheeks.

He shook his head, "Ya don't gotta thank me. I just want ya to be okay." he said sadly.

"I will be," I reassured him, "I just need some time...and like...a shot of whiskey or something." I half joked with a breathy laugh.

He chuckled quietly before nodding his head in agreement, "You and me both." he said, "I was supposed ta go out with Shane, Andrea, and T-Dog to check the perimeter, but...I can stay if ya need me to."

"No, no it's okay. I'll be okay." I waved him off.

"Ya sure?" he asked.

I nodded my head, "Go check the perimeter, I'll see you later, yeah?"

He nodded with a small smile on his face, quickly looking behind me just past my head to see if anyone could see us, before pulling me into a gentle kiss. I gladly kissed him back, feeling my heart quicken at the softness of his lips. He then pulled back after a moment or two, and started kissing lightly all over my face until I let out a quiet laugh, attempting to push him away at the tickling feeling it left.

"Ah, music to my ears." he said with a full on proud smile.

My heart began to warm at his words, kissing him once more before we began to walk back towards the house side by side.

As the house began to come into view, Daryl squeezed my hand briefly before heading off towards the vehicles where the others were waiting for him. I found myself glancing around the farm after he left, scanning the area to try and figure out a way to pass some time without having to linger on the new loss too much. My eyes then landed on the pretty pink curtains flowing out of Beth's room, her window open to let in the slight breeze.

I felt myself smile as I made my way up the porch and into the house to head up to her room, wanting to check up on her. It had been a little bit since I had last seen her and I wanted to make sure she was doing better since the last time we spoke.

For the most part she stayed in her room, especially since every single discussion we would have about Randall, the kids weren't allowed to be in the room. It's not that we didn't want them to have an opinion on the matter, but we also didn't want them to have to hear every single thing that was said. Because believe me when Shane opened his mouth, it got ugly.

But other than that she would only come down for meals and to just get out of her room briefly every once and a while. Mostly keeping to herself after everything.

As I came up the last few steps, I saw her sitting down on the edge of her bed with the guitar in her hands, practicing a few chords I had taught her. I smiled a little to myself and approached the slightly opened door quietly, knocking a few times to bring her attention towards me.

She looked up and an instant smile broke onto her face, "Hi Rose."

"Hi hon." I greeted as I passed through the threshold.

Her smile slightly faltered when I entered the room further, taking a hesitant seat on the edge of her bed as she tilted her head a little towards me. "How're you doing?" she asked quietly.

I gave her a confused look, "I should be asking how you're doing."

She waved me off, "I'm okay, I promise. I was just asking you because you know... Dale. I can see how hard it's been on you guys."

"Oh." I muttered quietly with a nod, "I'm doing better, you're too sweet to check on me."

She smiled and reached out to grab my hand lightly, "You've practically been looking out for me since you got here...I want to look out for you too."

"I think that was the other way around. You were looking after me when I was shot, remember?" I asked.

"Well yeah, but I'm talking about after that." she said with a light laugh.

I smiled at her, "Well, I guess we just like looking out for each other, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess we do. And I don't plan on stopping anytime soon." she said, giving my hand a soft squeeze.

My heart warmed at her words, "Me either, hon." I said before glancing back towards the guitar that was now on the other side of the bed, not wanting to get all emotional again after the morning I already had. "You think you're ready for another lesson?" I asked.

Her eyes lit up "Yes!" she said, reaching over to grab the object quickly.

I began to teach her two more chords that were a little more difficult than last time, watching her struggle a little with it at first before she excelled. She was truly a natural when it came to this stuff, knowing in the back of my mind that it took me weeks to learn the things she's practically mastered in just a few days. Though she practiced a lot, I could tell that somehow this was her calling; music.

I also couldn't ignore the obvious progress she was making, not only in learning the new instrument, but also with how she was mentally. She seemed to be lighter than before, a little bit of life returning to her eyes when she looked at me that wasn't always there before. Even though she still seemed to be having a rough time with everything all at once, progress was still progress. And I couldn't have been more proud of her.

After practicing for far longer than either of us intended, there was a sudden knock at the door that made us both turn around towards the doorway to see Carl. Except the look he had on his face almost made me do a double take. His stance came off as nervous and jittery as he lingered in the doorway, not taking a single step inside as his eyes went back and forth between the two of us.

"Hey kid...what's up?" I asked a bit hesitantly.

"Uh..." he trailed off, looking towards Beth before back to me, "Can I talk to you for a second?" he asked me.

I nodded my head, slightly concerned, "Yeah," I said before turning back to Beth, "I guess we'll stop here for today, just keep practicing that one chord and we can go over more tomorrow if you'd like?"

"Yeah, I'd really love that. Thanks Ro." she said with a smile.

I nodded before getting off the bed, heading towards where Carl was standing. He didn't hesitate to grab my hand quickly and pull me out of the room and down the steps, almost causing me to trip. He didn't stop or pause until we were outside and far enough away from everyone else so no one could hear the conversation we were about to have. I was only growing more concerned than before as I watched him try to find the words to say to me.

"Carl?" I said to get his attention, "What's wrong?"

He sighed before slowly reaching behind his back, pulling out a gun that I recognized. It was Daryl's. He handed it over to me wordlessly and looked anywhere but my eyes.

"Where did you find this?" I asked him, seeing if he would tell me the truth.

"I...I took it from Daryl's bag." he muttered, his eyes staring down at his shoes.

Though when I didn't respond or say anything at all, he took a chance and looked back up at me. I could easily see the tears building up in his eyes as he admitted that, thinking I would be mad, but I easily could tell there was something else on his conscience. Something else that made my face instantly soften upon seeing him so upset yet trying desperately to keep it together.

I got down to his level to look him in the eye, "That's not it, I can tell. Talk to me kid." I said in a soft voice.

He then broke down, "Rose it's all my fault, it's my fault Dale died!" he cried, "I was out in the woods when I saw a walker that was stuck in the mud. I wanted to shoot it with the gun but then it got free, and I didn't kill it. It was the same walker that killed Dale. I recognized it, I got Dale killed!"

At this point my eyes were wide and he was a sobbing mess. It took me a second to process everything he had just told me, but I quickly put the gun on the ground beside me and placed both of my hands on the side of his face to wipe his tears away.

"Hey, hey, you did not get Dale killed. You hear me? None of us could've known what was going to happen, this was not your fault." I said in a soft voice.

More tears fell from his eyes, "But-"

"No, no buts." I interrupted, "You were not the cause of that. Please do not blame yourself, okay?"

He looked at me for a moment before nodding his head and quickly wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. I let out a breath as I hugged him back just as tight, wanting to do anything I could to keep him from blaming himself about Dale. I knew the feeling all too well and it wasn't a good habit to be picked up, and I could only imagine what it would do to someone his age. He was still just a kid.

He sniffled as he slowly let go of me, "Can you...please not tell my parents? They would kill me if they knew what I did." he pleaded.

I shook my head, "Carl, they have to know what happened. You had a gun." I said, watching his face drop drastically at the fear of getting into trouble. "Listen...I won't say anything to them, but that means you have to tell them yourself. Deal?"

He thought about silently it for a moment as he bit his lip in thought, before agreeing, "Deal." he said with a nod.

I nodded in return as I adjusted the hat on top of his head, my hand then landing on the side of his face to wipe any remaining tears that still stained his cheeks. But my comfort only seemed to make his lip quiver, wrapping his arms around me again as a clear weight was lifted off of him.

"Thanks for listening to me." he whispered gratefully.

"Anytime kid." I said before letting him go, "I'm always right here when you need me." I assured, brushing some of the hair away from his face.

He nodded before slowly heading back off towards the house. I watched him walk away for a moment before sighing to myself, looking back down to the ground and picking up the missing gun before I made my way back to our camp to put it back with his things. In the back of my mind I knew he probably noticed his weapon had been missing for a while, but I wouldn't make Carl tell him like I wanted him to tell his parents. The kid was always watching him with wide eyes as if he was slightly intimidated by him, and I didn't want to kill him or anything.

Though when I walked in the tent to put it back, I quickly noticed that he, along with the others, weren't back yet. Probably still circling around the property to make sure all the lingering walkers were being taken care of. With nothing else really to do to pass the time, I figured I would finally finish the painting of the house while I still had the chance. The weather was only getting colder now so I wanted to use as much time outside as I could.

I also just needed to distract and calm myself, and painting sounded the most relaxing to me right now. So I picked up my things and made my way back to the spot that I seemed to have claimed over the weeks, sitting back down to examine the house for what could be the last time. I worked quietly by myself as I finished up the small details with the paintbrush, a few others moving their belongings, walking in and out of the house catching my eye.

Just a few days ago, Hershel announced that he would allow all of us to move into their house for the winter considering it was getting a bit too cold to keep sleeping outside. It was very nice of him to offer, but I knew it was going to be jam packed in that place. There were a lot of us and not a lot of room the house had left to offer, but it was still better than freezing our asses off.

My thoughts stopped short however when I saw Maggie walk out through the screen door, before a small smile traced her lips as she began to walk over to me.

She took a seat beside me with a huff, "How're you doing babe?" she asked.

I looked at her with raised brows, "Babe? What are we official now?" I joked.

She laughed and shook her head, "Sorry, I used to call my friends that before everything. I don't have to if you don't wan-"

"No, it's okay." I assured and gave her a smile, "And I'm doing about as okay as I can be. How about you?"

She sighed, "I'm doing fine, it's just...I know Glenn was close to him. I feel awful watching him grieve and I wish I could do something to help him."

"We all just need some time to process it. It was a lot...I know it's going to be hard to move on, but we will." I replied.

She nodded her head in agreement, "Yeah, we will."

A few hours had passed in a flash before the group finally made it back from trailing across the whole acre, the day only feeling like it was dragging on and on. But the second they made it back, Rick wasted no time grabbing Daryl to take Randall out and get it over with before the day was over. And of course Shane had to run his mouth about that. Not only at the fact that we were now sparing this man's life, but also because Rick trusted Daryl more than he did his best friend. But again, they weren't exactly close like that anymore, in fact they were only drifting further.

But Randall, we weren't going to kill him, but we still didn't trust him enough to let him stay here, even if it was what Dale wanted, to give him a chance. We couldn't risk it. None of us really knew him and none of us wanted to know him, we just wanted him gone.

I stood on the porch next to Rick and Daryl, listening to their plan on where they were going to take him as  they looked down at their map. T-Dog had offered to go get him after he overheard part of their conversation, heading towards the shed in a flash. They had a truck loaded up right in front of us and everything, going on and on about how many miles they should drive out to make sure he wasn't coming back.

"You guys sure you don't want me to come with?" I asked suddenly.

"No." they both voiced at the same time without even missing a beat.

My eyes widened as I scoffed at the two of them, crossing my arms over my chest as I leaned up against the white pillar, "Damn alright then, might as well put me on a leash while you're at it."

Rick chuckled and only gave me an amused smile, "Why would we put you on a leash?" he asked.

"Because you're both pretty controlling about this." I pointed out.

Daryl only scoffed as he began to fold up the map in his hands, "We just want ya safe, dar-" he started, but immediately stopped himself.

My eyes widened as I looked at him from just behind Rick's head, pressing my lips together to hold back the laugh I almost let out. Daryl's cheeks burned a bright red, and I could tell he was kicking himself for slipping up though he tried to just brush it off as he cleared his throat awkwardly. Rick looked at the man with a tilt of his head, attempting to say something, but T-Dog's voice thankfully cut through the painful silent air.

"He's gone!" the man yelled.

My eyes widened. I froze, genuinely wondering if I had heard him right. Oh but I did, Rick and Daryl's panicked expressions only resembled my own.

In a split second, the three of us didn't hesitate to take off down the porch, jogging across the large field to see for ourselves. T-Dog only followed close behind us, running beside us just as frantically as he didn't even have enough time to process the sudden sight himself. The door was open only a crack as we approached it, pushing it all the way open to see the shed completely empty, the handcuffs that were once on his wrists were still chained up and perfectly intact.

My mouth parted in shock as I scanned the small space top to bottom for any kind of indication on how he escaped, but found none. It seemed almost impossible.

The rest of the group was quick to spot us all lingering by the shed, only assuming the worst as they fanned out of the house to join us and see what the hell was going on. They all approached loudly, asking us question after question when we knew just as little as they did. Though I couldn't pull myself to listen to any of them as I racked my brain as to how he managed to get out of here when the door was locked from the outside. How he was able to slip his hands through metal handcuffs that were meant to keep anyone and everyone put right where they were.

There was no blind spot, no loose wooden board, no nothing. None of it made any sense, and it only caused everyone around us to panic.

"Rick! Rick!" a sudden voice screamed from the trees just beside us.

Everyone's heads whipped around at the same time towards the sound to see Shane making his way out of the woods, blood dripping heavily from his nose. His steps were heavy and fast as he made his way over to us, smoke coming out of his ears with how angry he looked.

"What the hell happened?" I yelled.

"He's armed, he's got my gun!" he said as his pace only sped up.

Carl then spoke up, "Are you okay?" he asked in genuine concern.

He shook his head, "I'm fine, the little bastard just snuck up on me and clocked me in the face." he responded.

Rick then turned around to the rest of us, "Alright Hershel, T-Dog, get everyone back in the house. Glenn, Daryl, Rose, come with us." he quickly instructed without a second thought.

I stepped up immediately, taking the gun Glenn was handing over and opening the chamber to check the bullets as the rest of them spoke behind me.

"T, I'm gonna need that gun." Shane said.

"Just let him go, that was the plan wasn't it? To just let him go?" Carol asked.

"The plan was to cut him loose far away from here, not on our front step with a gun." Rick snapped.

"No, don't go out there you don't know what can happen." Carol argued, genuine fear and concern filling her entire being.

But Rick only ignored her, knowing we couldn't just let this go. "Get everyone back in the house, lock all the doors, and stay put!"

Once Rick stepped forward to move, the rest of us followed right after that, walking right into the danger zone it seemed like from how serious this became. Zero to one hundred in just a matter of a minute.

But Shane looked back at me suddenly from his place next to Rick, locking his eyes with mine, and the sight was enough to send goosebumps rising on my skin. Though I held his gaze, trying not to show what had just happened, but he caught on quicker than I would've liked, the small smirk on his face instantly gave him away.

From the lone feeling I had, just by merely looking him in the eye, I could tell instantly that something wasn't right. Like something bad was about to happen.

~ Thanks for reading!

(Merry late Christmas!)

[luciano-nightstar]

Sharing some of my unfinished Nimona aus because... well... I just thought of sharing it, Part 1.

I call this the Golden Guardian au

Same events for this au, but Ballister is a guardian angel

He was originally Gloreth's guardian angel (not sure if I should do it before or after she met Nimona). Before her death, Gloreth prayed for someone to protect her descendant and guide them to good. And since Ballister was her guardian to begin with, he got a new job to be the guardian angel for her descendants for the next generation until the bloodline has ended.

Ballister took his job seriously to protect and guide Gloreth's descendants so that they could end up in heaven. After seeing at lease 3 or 4 generations feeling pressured to be like their great grandmother, Ballister decided to pretend to be a human and befriend those descendants to help them cope with their pressure in being a perfect knight. He saw how much he helped ease their anxiety, and decided this would be a normal thing he would do for the next generations to come.

Now to Ambrosius. Ballister thought of a different way to get close and befriending to the young Ambrosius, which is to join the knight. For two reasons - Since Ambrosius has been training since probably after being a toddler, he would feel comfortable to have someone close to train with him. - Second reason is that he noticed how awful noble's perspective are with commoners are. And Ballister believed that he can change the mindset of people about commoners by pretending to be one then becoming a knight and protecting them.

So he shapeshifted into a commoner kid then snuck in and, with the power and kindness and help of the queen (may God bless her kind hearted soul), he was given a chance to become a knight.

(Oh how that different approach backfires badly...)

Same thing with the knighting ceremony, the queen unexpectedly gets killed by Ballister's sword and he takes all the blame for it (I can't decide if I should have Ballister lose his arm or not or have angelic regeneration and regenerate a new arm)

Alternative path 1

The stadium screen crashes on top of Ballister, but he surprisingly survives and escapes through the hole on the ground that was made from the crash.

Ballister finds an abandoned tower and hid in there to process what has happened to him. In the end, he decided to return to Heaven to apologize and beg for forgiveness from the queen for killing her, even though it wasn't his fault. And she forgives him because she knows he wouldn't do it.

Ballister returns back to earth to continue his job as a guardian angel, only to see that Ambrosius was a mess because of the whole ceremony incident, Ballister is now wanted in the whole kingdom, and he thought that Ballister dead because of the stadium screen crashing on top of him.

(That's where I left off with alternative path 1, and I don't have enough ideas on how to finish it, sorry not sorry)

Alternative Path 2

Same thing with the whole plot of the movie. Ballister tries his best to find who murdered the queen and prove his innocence.

Nimona (who's still a shapeshifter in this au) finds him in the tower while he was still in his angelic form. They first thought that he was a fallen angel because of the murder incident.

”Should we pillage a village? Oh! Maybe make a cult? Or, lay low until they don't remember and then we RISE LIKE A FIERY PHOENIX FROM THE ASHES AND OVER THROW THE GOVERNMENT! And the people will scream “AHH THE EVIL COMMONER KNIGHT IS ACTUALLY A FALLEN ANGEL AND HE HAS COME TO DESTROY US!!”...…or we could just talk. :)” "I'm not a fallen angel."

He attempts to shoo away Nimona. Reasoning? He doesn't want her to get hurt because of him, he sees him still being too young to even be involved in any of this (Just so you know, Ballister is one of the angels that existed before earth was made)

Skip to near end of the movie (I'm running out of ideas, help me). Instead of Nimona sacrificing himself it's Ballister, he transforms into his true angelic form and destroys the cannon before it could hit the kingdom. Nimona and Ambrosius hoped and prayed that Ballister would come back, but all there was left was white ashes slowly falling like snow flakes, Nimona hugs Ambrosius who hugs her back. Both mourning over what happened.

Physically Ballister is gone, but he was already an angel to begin with so he will regenerate his physical body back again. As soon as he destroyed the cannon he wakes up in front of the gates of Heaven with saint Peter asking if he's okay. He turns around and sees the Director falling down to the fiery pits of Hell (deserve).

Time skip, Nimona gets (platonically) close with Ambrosius only because it would be something Ballister would want from them and everyone sees Ballister as a hero and honored him.

Nimona goes back to the lair where she first met Ballister. She goes inside looking around her, reminiscing of the things they did together there. They smiled as he decorated the "murder wall" and saw one of the pictures that they took together during their small dance celebration. She held the picture close, then- "hey kid." "HOLY SH-"

I am debating if I want Ballister to reveal that he was a guardian angel to Ambrosius or not...

Alternative path 3

It's the same as path 2 but after Ballister sacrifices himself, he was sent to the courtroom of Heaven (yes Hazbin hotel refence) and was given two choices. The first choice was that he could stay as a guardian angel and continue to protect the Goldenlion bloodline like he did before, the second option was that he can become human and live amongst the mortal until his death.

(Your choice on which one he chose :D )

✨ Design Ideas ✨

This is kind of what I imagined Ballister's angelic design would look like... now

(Found this on Pinterest but the original artist is critbit on Instagram)

Another idea design (this one is from puFik 🥀 on Tiktok)

(But their Tiktok account name is aleluia._.0 give them a follow their amazing)

But this was originally my idea for his angelic design

He had two gold halos with many eyes crisscross, covering the upper part of his face. Those two halos can transform into small hoops earring with eyes incase he doesn't want to use the covering halos.

A third halo slowly spinning behind his head, two eyes under his normal eyes (because angels do have a lot of eyes), six white wings with some gold feathers, a small crystal on the center of his back, and white marking all over his body (I added those last two because I thought it would look cool)

Also, for the clothes... I didn't have any ideas...

Some headcannons as well :)

(some are probably canon to my au, it's your guess on which one)

Ballister can hide his wings, his halos, and his many eyes. He can make himself invisible to humans and other creatures. Another fact about his invisibility is that he can make himself visible to whoever he chooses. (There might be some scenarios where people were called crazy for seeing him when others cant... especially with Todd)

During their training years, Ballister developed feelings for Ambrosius, but since it was the first time he fell in love, he wasn't aware that he was in love.

Even in his human form/disguise, Ballister can see and interact with other spirits.

Since I heard that Nimona can see the dead, I thought of this idea that even if Ballister is in his human form to others, he's always in his angelic form in her eyes.

When Ballister is angry in his angelic form, eyes would appear on his body and even some on the air, and the sound of his voice becomes a chorus (-like?)

His angelic sword can transform into different weapons that he could use. Like from sword, to a spear, then to a bow that can magically generate an arrow when pulling the bowstring.

I have a scenario idea where Ambrosius is out late doing his patrol duty when it suddenly rained. After a moment of silence and getting soak on the rain, Ballister used one of his wings to cover Ambrosius from the rain. And that is when Ambrosius first saw Ballister since the ceremony, with a "new" angelic look.

Another scenario is when Ambrosius is in deadly danger, and Ballister is forced to show himself in order to protect him. That is the first time when Ambrosius saw Ballister as an angel.

This is a lot of information about my au and you can definitely tell that this was my favorite...

Anyways, would you believe me if I said that I also made a fallen angel au called The Blackheart Angel au (it was originally made for the comic version, you can also call it An angel with a Boldheart if movie version) and another au called Celestials au? I will be making another post explaining those two aus and maybe a few more of my unfinished aus as well.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

OC interview

Thanks for the tag @mysticstarlightduck here and @leahnardo-da-veggie here!

Rules: answer questions as one of your OCs!

This time, I think I'll go ahead and do Lexi!

Are you named after anyone?

“Not that I'm aware of. My parents just really liked the name Alexia. And honestly, I can't blame them! It's a good name. I mean, there are so many variants on the name Alexander. Like I could've gotten Alexandra but that seems a little...I dunno, much? Much. Alexis doesn't...feel right. For me, like, I think Alexandra and Alexis are fine names for people who aren't me. Regardless, I definitely prefer the name Lexi. Alexia feels a little awkward to be called on, like, a regular basis. Again, for me. I'm rambling. The point is, no, I don't think I'm named after anyone.”

When was the last time you cried?

“This morning. I couldn't find my pink pen. Yeah, I know it seems stupid and immature to cry over a pen, but, like, it wasn't like I was upset that my pen was missing, it was the fact that I was stressed over losing it because my pink pen is used to color-code my English assignments. And there's a lot of English assignments, y'know?”

Do you have kids?

“I am in middle school. Middle. Schoooool. Who's even thinking about romance? That'll come with time. Like, high school. And kids much later. Like, after college. I don't have to worry about that right now.”

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

“I dunno. I don't have a record. Sometimes?”

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

“...everything? I dunno, I look at them, and I see them. The whole of them. Is this an attraction question? I already said I was in middle school! I guess height. Like if I look at them, it's either up, down, or straight ahead. Height.”

What’s your eye colour?

“My eyes are brown. Not much to say about them. They're pretty dark brown. My sister has bright blue eyes that really standout against her skin and hair. I'm not jealous, actually, it's just an observation. I happen to like my dark eyes!”

Scary movies or happy endings?

“Happy endings, of course! I love a good happy ending. I mean, sad endings make me sad. Scary movies can have happy endings, I guess. This is a strange question haha. But happy endings.”

Any special talents?

“Well, I am first chair, first violin in my orchestra class! I think I'm a good leader. Usually take the lead on group projects. Um...oh, duh, I play the violin. And I also can organize stuff really well. Good color sense, I've been told. Uh, I gotta garden! It's small, but I wanted to have an out doorsy activity. Brings my anxiety down.”

Where were you born?

“Uh...here in Texas, I think. At least that's what I was told. *Gasp* There's a chance I was born in Alium! I need to ask my pia about that...”

Do you have any pets?

“No. I wouldn't mind one! A dog or a cat would be awesome. Maybe both!”

What sort of sports do you play?

“I don't actually play sports. There'd be a few issues to convince those in charge, anyways, to get me a different uniform. I have haphephobia - I don't like people touching me - and the more skin I show the higher the risk and my anxiety goes up more. So for now, no, we don't want to deal with that. I ride my bike sometimes. If I were to play a sport, it would be either volleyball or tennis, and definitely cheerleading - those girls are so nice!”

How tall are you?

“I am 5'1, meaning I'm about average for my age!”

What was your favourite subject in school?

“Oh! English! I like learning new words - I always have. Phonics may have been my favorite in elementary school! We don't do that a lot anymore, but we still learn a lot more about language. Also, may be biased because all my friends are in my class this year. Well, not all of them. Three of them. Mr. Flanagan also let us choose our groups at the beginning of the year, so I'm always with them!”

What is your dream job?

“I. Am in. Middle school. Why would I be thinking that far? *Sigh* I guess...I dunno, maybe journalism or counseling? I feel like that'd be fun.”

Other interviews: Wade, Jazlyn, Gwen

Other Lexi: OC in fifteen, OC in three, OC questionnaire, two truths and a lie, Picrew, blank bingo

Tagging @somethingclevermahogony @melpomene-grey @squarebracket-trickster @writernopal @writeintrees

@winterandwords @ceph-the-ghost-writer @elizaellwrites @tabswrites

+ anyone else who'd like to play!

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites @nebula--nix

Blanks below cut

Are you named after anyone? When was the last time you cried? Do you have kids? Do you use sarcasm a lot? What’s the first thing you notice about people? What’s your eye colour? Scary movies or happy endings? Any special talents? Where were you born? Do you have any pets? What sort of sports do you play? How tall are you? What was your favourite subject in school? What is your dream job?

^ for easy copy/paste

[yourantag]

New Beginnings (Ithaqua×Reader)

AN: Honestly not the proudest of this one, but I'm happy enough with it that I deem it as good as done. This is part of a collaboration of sorts with a few people from the Ithaqua discord server with a prompt focusing on a modern AU where Ithaqua has a healthy family relationship and takes you to prom. Hope you enjoy my take on this! On another note, I think I should probably try to make an introduction post and a masterlist. Problem is, I am simply too lazy and probably won't do it until like,,, 5 months later. Someone send help. Word count: 4.0k words Summary: Anxiety consumes him alive, to the point he's paralyzed in fear. Ithaqua doesn't want to lose you, but it seems no matter what he does, he will. Unbeknownst to him, you feel much the same. Senior year really does smack people in the face, doesn't it?

The Norwell twins are odd, though not in a way that is truly unusual for most siblings. The two are complete opposites, constantly bickering, yet also very close. Since they were separated at birth, many expected that there would be a rift between them. That didn't end up the case, for better or for worse.

Nathaniel was the heir to the notorious Norwell Conglomerate, treated like a prince since birth. Ithaqua was their long lost brother, raised by a kind woman in a rural area. No matter how anyone looked at it, Nathaniel would either have a sense of superiority or feel threatened by his brother returning. Ithaqua, in turn, would feel inferior to his brother who had been perfectly raised to be a leader.

Yet, none of those speculations and expectations became a reality.

Ithaqua quite literally denounced his right to be heir the moment he met his birth parents. He claimed he was perfectly content living life as he was, and didn't need anything the Norwell family may feel inclined to give him. While it was a bit blunt, it was honest. It put many people at ease, including his brother. Nathaniel immediately took a liking to his twin after that, which no one could really understand. When asked, he simply shrugged and said "I like straightforward people who know what they want."

Nathaniel is all sly words and cunning, charming in a way that is alluring like the gentle call of the depths of a ravine. He's used to the deceptive nature of business and people of the upper class. Honestly, he's so used to it that it sickens him. To finally meet the brother he'd always wanted to get to know, and find that he is everything that he'd ever want him to be? Well, Nathaniel couldn't be any more pleased.

Ithaqua is blunt and straightforward, but not unkind. He's someone who does what is right and is considerate of people, even if he doesn't seem like it. With a loving adoptive mother who taught him well, it was impossible for him to ever lust for more than he needed. All Ithaqua wants is a nice job and a house big enough for him, his mom, and maybe a caretaker for his mom when he isn't able to take care of her.

With how pure he is morally, it's expected that Ithaqua didn't particularly like his brother, or his whole biological family really, at first. Still, he gave them the benefit of the doubt and found that they weren't nearly as bad as he had thought they'd be. They were rather normal for a family, just... rich. He could ignore that if he squinted enough.

Not as much changed as he'd anticipated. It was merely requested that Ithaqua and his adoptive mother moved into the Norwell mansion, and that Ithaqua went to the same high school as his brother. It wasn't strictly required, and the Norwell's claimed that regardless of their choice, they'd respect it and send the two money to take care of themselves. 

They agreed to live with the Norwell's in the end.

Two years had passed since then, and it was shocking to see how the twins acted now. Nathaniel would lightly poke fun at Ithaqua, and he in turn would poke back. The two had their differences, but ultimately ended up quite good friends. It was almost surreal to some students to watch the proud, arrogant heir suddenly become a teasing older brother of sorts. It made him feel less unreachable, more human. 

With senior year rapidly coming to an end, many were either panicking or celebrating. Soon, they'd be going to college, trade school, or the like, becoming "real adults" and having more freedom than they'd know what to do with. It was nerve-wracking, it was exhilarating. 

With the desire to have no regrets, many asked Nathaniel to prom. He rejected everyone, practically the whole school, while clinging to Ithaqua and claiming he wouldn't go with anyone in fear that his poor little brother would be lonely. 

If Ithaqua's deadpan expression didn't show how much of a lie that was, Nathaniel's shit eating grin sure did.

The truth of the matter was, Nathaniel couldn't go with anyone in fear of either tainting their family reputation or giving someone false hope of a relationship he had no interest in. Even if he was sly, cunning, or as other people put it, a bastard, he still had his morals. Needlessly breaking hearts or hurting his family was not something he wanted to do. Ithaqua knew this, which was why he let his brother use him as an excuse. Not a good excuse, but an excuse nonetheless. 

"Ah, I wish someone would go with my poor, unfortunate brother. So lonely, with zero friends and a personality that repels literally everyone! I sincerely wish my brother could have a partner, but alas, he has no rizz." Nathaniel dramatically proclaimed, draping himself over his twin. Ithaqua looked like he had half the mind to push him off, and after a moment of thought, he did. The older teen yelped, barely stabilizing himself before he could fall. "Hey! That was mean."

While the childish actions of his brother were mildly annoying, Ithaqua was too preoccupied to truly get mad at him. After all, he had more important matters to attend to. Specifically, thinking about how to ask you out to prom.

You were Ithaqua's first friend when he transferred into Oletus High School. With most either trying to butter him up or ignoring him, he thought he wouldn't be able to make a friend at all. Then you came, in all your fumbling glory.

You were in all of his classes, sometimes sitting right besides him. The class he first really noticed you in was drama. Ithaqua can't help but laugh remembering how you completely butchered your role as Mercutio. 

Everyone was given a role from Romeo and Juliet at random, Ithaqua being Romeo and you being Mercutio. Technically, you could say anything as the whole purpose of this project was to modernize the script. It was entertaining, to say the least, to give teenagers complete free reign over a play that was pretty much made with the memes of the time in mind.

"Romeo, my guy, you were in love with Rosaline literally a day ago. Now, you're saying you love this- this Juliet you just met. I know we're hormonal teenagers but really?"

"She's attractive though."

"Yeah, well you're attractive too and you don't see me simping over you all the time."

"You simp over me half the time?"

"..."

"Mercurio?"

"Bye."

Honestly, most of the improved scenes were pure gold, but Ithaqua only remembered the ones with you. After all, to him, those were the funniest ones. It was what got him to reach out and interact with you.

He was pleasantly surprised to see you had no clue who the Norwell's were. Ithaqua expected you to know who he was, or who Nathaniel was at least, but you did not know and did not care. It was a miracle considering the Norwell Conglomerate was in charge of a lot of major brands, but he wasn't going to complain.

You treated him normally, making lighthearted jabs at him, casually joking with him, and offering him comfort when school and life became too much. In a new environment where most didn't want to interact with him for good reasons, you were like a shining beacon of light.

Being able to be himself without any judgment was nice. It was why he treasured your friendship more than anything else. Sure, many can claim his life is overall better than before, but you were the one who truly made it that way. Without you, Ithaqua is sure he would've grown to hate it all.

It's why he hesitated asking you to prom at all. It's not necessarily all that suggestive, perhaps, but prom is a place many go to with their romantic interests. There's an inherent sense of intimacy in asking someone to go with you. So, for Ithaqua to ask you to prom, it'd be tantamount to confessing his feelings without really doing so.

He couldn't bring himself to do that considering he didn't know if you returned his feelings. What if you didn't like him back? What if you stopped being friends with him? Would your friendship become more and more strained until your bond became nothing more than a fleeting memory?

Ithaqua, for all his honesty and straightforward nature, was truly not all that bold. But he could at least admit one thing.

He was scared.

He was scared of losing you.

Perhaps he's being a bit dramatic- asking someone to prom isn't always something romantic. But when it concerns you, Ithaqua's brain simply stops working. He can't help but fret over everything, drowning in a lake of anxiety that he created.

"Just ask them. Worst case scenario, they realize you like them, but your feelings aren't returned. After that, you'll be heartbroken, but at the very least you won't experience the awkwardness of being around your crush who doesn't reciprocate your feelings. We'll be graduating in a few weeks, so is there really anything to lose? Do you have any time for regrets?"

Sometimes, Ithaqua wanted to throw his brother out the window. He's being completely logical, yes, but matters of the heart aren't so simple. Ithaqua has been swallowing his feelings for so long because he didn't want you to leave his life. Sure, you guys may never meet again after high school, or maybe you will, but he wanted the last of his memories with you to be happy regardless. Ones he will yearn for, smile over, laugh with melancholy at, not cry and despair over. 

Nathaniel shook his head as he watched his younger brother scowl at him, still deep in thought. It was painfully obvious to him that you returned Ithaqua's feelings, but neither of you were willing to try and confess. At this point, he should just do it for you guys!

...or so he feels, but he knows this is something for Ithaqua to deal with. Nathaniel wants to protect Ithaqua and make sure he's happy, but he can't do that for his whole life. A helicopter parent (brother?) is not what Ithaqua needs, so he remains silent.

Above all else, Ithaqua's feelings on this matter, along with yours, matter the most. Whether he gains the courage to ask you or not is up to him, not Nathaniel. It was honestly torturous to watch, but this is not something he should overly involve himself in. Nathaniel knew better than anyone else what it felt like to have your privacy violated, and he'd never want to subject either of you through such a thing.

Nathaniel can only pray that whatever happens, he gets a chance to shove Ithaqua into you so you'll finally kiss and stop going around each other in circles.

-

Days turned into weeks, each moment passing by faster and faster until finally, it was the day for prom. Ithaqua failed to muster up the courage to ask you to go with him.

It wasn't that big a deal, sure, since you were planning on going with him and his brother anyway. You three were a trio, a close-knit friend group, so it wasn't weird by any means. Still, he'd at least wanted to try. It was pathetic that he'd simply given up before he even could.

Regardless, what's done was done. Ithaqua had done nothing, so he'd face the consequences that came with that. At the least, he could be glad he'd be going with you.

...and his brother.

Pulling up to the venue, Ithaqua maintained a frosty exterior. He picked at the smooth fabric of his vest, muttering complaints as he threw his suit jacket over his shoulder. Nathaniel smiled brightly as he whistled, dragging his brother into the building.

Ithaqua was dressed in a white dress shirt, black vest, and blue trousers. Though his jacket was supposed to be worn and matching with his pants, he'd all but hissed at Nathaniel that he'd rather die than wear it properly. It wasn't like he hated the jacket, but it was too stuffy and thick considering the weather. Even with his hair pulled into a ponytail, his neck was getting sweaty just standing in the sun.

Nathaniel didn't seem to have that problem, wearing a crimson red suit in its entirety and not seeming bothered in the least. Ithaqua wondered if it was because he'd lived in the city for so long, or was just used to wearing stuffy clothes for business meetings. Probably both.

"C'mon Itha, you should wear the jacket once we get inside! They have air conditioning so it won't be that bad." Nathaniel whined, pressing the button to the 5th floor in the elevator. Ithaqua huffed, rolling his eyes as he scrolled through his phone quickly.

"I'd really rather not. Besides, you shouldn't worry about how I look considering the fact that you look like a red envelope given during Chinese New Year." Ithaqua responded, shoving his phone into his pocket as the elevator doors opened.

"Hey! I do not! I'm not wearing gold!" Nathaniel exclaimed, pouting as he followed Ithaqua. He was pretty much ignored, however, as Ithaqua was too busy checking in with the staff before entering the ballroom.

The ballroom was considerably large, enough for the hundred or so teens that were bound to show up. With the theme of "new beginnings," Ithaqua had expected weird decorations or the sort. (Seriously, why did the school choose such a vague theme?) Regardless, the venue was rather nicely decorated with butterflies and flowers.

"Well, I guess that works." Ithaqua muttered before turning around. He sighed, watching as his brother completely ditched him for his other friends. Unsurprised, yet nonetheless disappointed, he shook his head. Looking around, Ithaqua chose to sit at the table farthest from the dance floor. Being close to the overwhelming music and mass of bodies that would follow it later on would be undesirable.

In the next few minutes, the room filled quite quickly. The chatter of friends and constant movement was followed by colorful fabrics and extravagant outfits, the wearers sometimes needing assistance walking due to that. Although his eyes continuously scored over the crowd, Ithaqua couldn't find you.

Frustrated, he stood up to search for you. Pushing past people while apologizing the whole time, Ithaqua nearly tripped as he tried to step over Vera's dress. Stumbling, he bumped into someone. He quickly grasped their shoulders to prevent either of them from falling, stabilizing both of them.

"Ah! Sorry!"

He blinked in surprise as he finally saw who he bumped into. There, with the lights of the hallway framing their figure like dew hugging the petals of a flower, was you. With the dim lights of the ballroom, you seemingly glowed. His hold on your shoulders tightened as his breath hitched, face flushing as his heart beat out of his chest.

You looked like what love would be if it became a person. The incarnation of perfection, everything he could want and more, yet something he could only have in a dream. Ithaqua could only wonder if this is what Persephone felt like when she first saw pomegranates. A temptation like no other, beckoning with a siren's call to ensnare one's heart and mind. Divine, yet the sure reason for the descent of an angel into hell. 

Well, he was never an angel in the first place, Ithaqua thought. But if he was, and it was for you, he'd gladly scrape his knees falling from grace. 

You weren't just attractive, no, in this moment, you looked absolutely ethereal.

"Ithaqua? Are you alright?" You asked, concern clear upon your face. He cleared his throat awkwardly, removing his hands from your shoulders and stepping back. Quickly recovering, he nodded. Still, his eyes were stuck to you, completely enamored.

"Yeah, perfectly fine. Just, er, surprised. You look, you look good." He stuttered. You looked like you were going to ask questions, so Ithaqua dragged you to the table he'd claimed for the three of you. He pulled out a seat for you before sitting in his own, desperately trying to prevent himself from looking at you.

It was completely and utterly unfair that you, who already was the definition of perfection, just became even more... well, perfect. He was left to scramble for composure while you didn't even look vaguely affected by his appearance. To be fair, he was just wearing a plain old suit, but still.

Ithaqua didn't know if he'd be able to survive the night, and he couldn't decide if this was heaven or hell with how things were going.

-

You didn't understand why Ithaqua was avoiding looking at you, but it stung quite a bit. Admittedly, you'd hoped dressing up would, you know, do the opposite, but that didn't seem to be the case. Maybe he didn't like the colors? Or maybe he thought you looked ugly but didn't want to say it?

Regardless, your mood was worse than before, though you tried to remain cheerful. No matter what, today had to be the day. You had to confess your feelings to Ithaqua once and for all, or else you'd never do it.

Truth be told, you had originally intended to ask him to prom before, but you chickened out. You felt like you were going to die every time you tried, so you ran away each time with the excuse of doing something else. 

You're positive Nathaniel laughed at you every time, that traitor.

With senior year coming to an end, you were left with a sense of dread as the future came rushing at you. Jobs, taxes, education, whatever, you were honestly terrified to face it all. Sure, you'd have people to help you when you stumble, but it's so hard to ask for it. In the first place, this fear isn't necessarily the fear of the future, but the fear of the unknown.

You didn't want to face anything, but you knew you had to. Still, you tried to ignore it.

However, one thing you had to acknowledge was that with the end of your high school year, you'd probably not be able to meet Ithaqua quite as much. You wouldn't be able to go to the arcade with him, laugh as he failed to get the plushie he wanted for the millionth time, or walk in the park while eating ice cream with him.

It left you feeling hollow and cold, the thought of losing him to time and distance devastating. He'd surely be able to make friends with his new classmates, live a good life, and even get a partner. He wouldn't need you.

The thought of him forgetting you made you want to cry. 

You know he isn't the sort to abandon people, and surely he'd never do that to you, but time changes people. It brings new winds, ending things and creating new beginnings. You couldn't help but feel like you'd be left behind as his past, just that one friend he had in high school.

You didn't want this friendship of yours to end, or at the very least, for you to have never admitted you'd felt more for him than that.

He held you when you cried, laughed at you when you fell, picked you up when you needed help, and remained a constant comfort by your side. It was impossible not to fall in love with him.

You never confessed since you always felt like your love would never be returned. Like Mercutio who loved his best friend, who went as far as to die for him, yet would never be able to be with him, a tragic romance of his own.

At the least, you wanted to confess your feelings instead of leaving them unsaid forever. If fate decided to bring him to you, it'll be Ithaqua himself who will decide if he'll bend destiny to his will to stay by your side.

So, when you heard the gentle notes of a slow song start, you took Ithaqua to the dance floor. He seemed surprised, but allowed it as you held his hands. With careful steps, the two of you moved along with the crowd, swaying to the music.

He held you close so you didn't get pulled away, firm yet gentle in his touch. You wanted to tell him now, but with how quiet things were, excluding the music playing in the background, it felt awkward to do so. Another problem was that with Ithaqua so close, you could barely think straight.

By the end of the song, you hadn't accomplished your goal, though you felt considerably better than before. Nervous and shaky, yes, but happier.

You clasped your hands together to try and get them to stop shaking, though it didn't work too well. You purse your lips in displeasure, a frown quickly forming.

"Let's go out to the balcony. It's too stuffy here."

You stared at Ithaqua for a moment before immediately taking his outstretched hand. It was, as one would expect, getting quite stifling with so many people in one room. It didn't help that the floor shook whenever the DJ played a popular song as the crowd jumped up and down. Which was basically 95% of the time.

Stepping out onto the balcony, you take a deep breath. The calm evening wind cools you off considerably, bringing you back to life. Ithaqua seems more at ease, too. You can't help but smile softly as you lean on the ledge, staring at him. 

Ithaqua's eyes are closed as he faces the sky, embracing the fresh air and the freedom of the outdoors. The moon seems to shine on him especially, making him look ethereal. His smile seems gentler, as though he were truly at peace now.

Your heart hammers against your chest as you take another deep breath in, closing your eyes as you try to gather all the courage you can. It all goes down the drain, however, when he opens his eyes.

With him smiling softly, his eyes half-lidded and illuminated by the moonlight, Ithaqua is unfairly attractive, stealing the breath you'd only just taken. You're sure that if anyone were to show you what you looked like right now, you'd look completely love struck.

"I love you."

You can't tell who said it first, but both of you said it for sure. It has your eyes widening in surprise, watching as he does the same. At that moment, it hits you that this whole time, the two of you have been pining for the other.

No wonder Nathaniel was laughing at you.

Regardless, as you stare at each other, finally understanding the other completely, the two of you draw closer. Softly, sweetly, your lips meet, and you know, then and there, that everything will be alright. Even if the inescapable future is marching towards you, you'll have Ithaqua by your side.

That's all you need.

So, you kiss goodbye what feels like the last of your youth, ready to greet the new beginnings of another chapter of your life. After all, it can't be that bad when it also is the start of your new relationship.

-

BONUS SCENE:

“Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

You nearly jump out of your skin at the new voice, whipping around to see Nathaniel with a smug smile. Ithaqua glares at him, a look of pure exasperation and annoyance upon his face. However, the two of you could see the underlying notes of embarrassment as well, his ears tinged a light pink.

“Did you really come out here to tell the equivalent of “I told you so,” Nathaniel?”

“No, actually. I came here to say I am sooooo telling mom and dad.”

“...”

“...so what flowers should I bring to his grave?”

“Don’t even bother, I’m dumping his body into the river.”

“Oh come on I wasn’t being seriou- ITHA WHA- STOP- I’M SORRY! OW!”

“GET BACK HERE NATHANIEL BABEL NORWELL!”

“Ah good old brotherly love!”

“HELP ME!”

[m1lflov3rrr]

Fetish - Marilyn Thornhill

1 - a new beginning

<3

Warnings: anxiety/panic attack

Word count: 3.3k

A/N: Soooo excited to be finally able to post this!!!!!!! Aahhhhhh!!!

You were on the verge of a panic attack. Your bus had taken you to Jericho, and you had just missed the other bus that was supposed to take you to Nevermore. 

You were new to the town. Your home was several states away, but your parents had decided it would be the best for you to attend the boarding school they'd read about. Nevermore Academy, a school for outcasts. You thought it was an absurd idea to send you there, as you were, in fact, not an outcast. 

There were outcasts in your family. Mostly psychics. Your mother, your father, your grandparents... But not you. The gene had skipped you. Even though no one ever said anything mean about it, especially your parents, you knew everyone was disappointed. How they all had expected you to turn out a skilled psychic - nothing. 

You sometimes even thought that you and your incompetence were the reason your parents had divorced all those years ago. Of course they'd assure you it was not, but you couldn't stop overthinking it. Just like you couldn't stop overthinking everything. You were like that - overanalyzing everything and never feeling like you were enough. 

Just like now you were overthinking how you'd never get into that academy, how you'd fail again and end up dead in a ditch- 

Stop it, Y/N. You're doing it again, you repeated over and over in your head. 

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, attempting to calm yourself down. You had to think rationally. You were in a foreign small town all alone with no sense of direction. 

You should ask someone for help. Small town people were usually nice. 

You spotted a cozy-looking cafe across the street, nodded to yourself and walked towards it with your bags and your suitcase. After stumbling your way inside with basically your whole life packed into those bags, you took a sigh and had a look around. It was a small and neat place, maybe you'd go there again on a less hectic day. It wasn't crowded at all, with only a few booths by the window occupied. 

You decided not to bother the customers, and instead made your way to the front desk, there was a young boy working and surely he'd help. 

He raised his gaze up to you and smiled awkwardly, "Good evening, miss. What can I get you?" 

You stepped a little closer, as you knew that back home everyone wasn't so... accepting, of outcasts. You didn't know Jericho's situation, but decided to play safe. "Uh, yes. Do you happen to know where the Nevermore Academy is? I was supposed to be there already but I missed my bus and have absolutely no clue where to go." You rambled, but still with a low tone of voice. 

The boy raised his eyebrows, looking rather surprised, and you internally slapped yourself. He must hate you now. 

But soon enough, his face turned into an understanding one. "Yes, I do actually. Would you like me to take you there?" He offered and you beamed in joy. 

"Yes, oh, thank you so much!" You said, almost jumping at how giddy you were. Maybe you wouldn't end up dead in a ditch. But your face soon turned stern and serious, "I will not forget this." You said, attempting to sound as grateful as possible. 

He smiled, "Okay, well, my shift unfortunately ends at 10pm, I'm really sorry I wish I could drive you there earlier." 

You checked your phone. 8:30pm. You could handle it. "S'okay. As long as I get there somehow." 

"Would you like to have a coffee? It's on the house." He offered.

"Yes, that would be great. Thank you, uhm- sorry, what was your name?" 

"Tyler. Tyler Galpin. And what is yours?" 

"Y/N. Y/N L/N." 

-

Tyler drove you to Nevermore as promised. When he parked, you looked anxious and conflicted. 

"I could escort you inside? I know the place, I actually come here by a lot since I know some people here." 

You widened your eyes, "Really? That would be great, thank you so much!" 

He nodded and you got out of the car, he politely took your bags and suitcase although you insisted in carrying them yourself. 

The halls were quiet and empty as it was almost 10:30pm now. You had no idea where to go, as this was definitely not an appropriate hour to be meeting the headmistress. But you didn't question anything yet, you just followed Tyler as he seemed to know what to do. You walked along the halls until he came to a halt at a door, seemingly to a classroom but you weren't too sure. "Uh, Tyler? Are you sure we're... allowed to be here?" You questioned. 

He chuckled at you, knocking on the door and going inside, you hesitantly following him. 

The place was almost as dark as the Autumn sky at this hour, but you noticed a small lamp light up by a desk in the front. You spotted desks to its opposite, this must be a class, you thought. Even though you couldn't see that much in there, you did notice the tall trees and the potted plants nearest to you. It was a serene place, you certainly would enjoy coming here. 

"Tyler? What are you doing here?" An unkwown woman from behind you asked, making you flinch and turn around with wide eyes. 

You couldn't see her, at all. She was standing in a shadowy corner. 

"Ms Thornhill, I believe I've found a lost student of yours. Well, a new student. She came by the Weathervane, asking where the academy is so I brought her here." Tyler explained, now bringing all the attention to you. You couldn't have been more nervous. 

The woman stepped forward, now causing the faint desk light to show herself. She was absolutely beautiful with her auburn hair and warm, brown eyes. 

Okay, stop it, Y/N. She's probably your teacher, pull your shit together. Your inner monologue scolded you and you agreed. You shouldn't be thinking like that of your possibly new teacher. 

The woman looked at you with an intrigued expression, with her head slightly tilted and her eyes narrowed. You felt like you were being judged. But all that washed away when soon, a huge grin plastered all over her face. 

"Well, hello there! You must be Y/N, Principal Weems actually informed me about your arrival today, it's nice to meet you. I'm your dorm mom, Marilyn Thornhill!" She introduced herself, offering her hand for you to shake. 

And you did, smiling lightly at her, "Yes, I'm Y/N, Y/N L/N. It's very nice to finally be here, thanks to Tyler. Without him I'd probably still be somewhere in Jericho, panicking my guts." You said with a small chuckle. 

She frowned in confusion, "What do you mean, did something happen?" 

You smiled awkwardly, "Well, I actually missed the bus that was supposed to drive me here, but luckily I went to the local cafe and Tyler was there to save the day." 

She raised her eyebrows and looked at Tyler, who nodded, confirming your words. Her gaze turned back to you and you smiled nervously at her. And something in her expression softened. 

"Thank you, Tyler, I'll take it from here. Let's get you to your dorm, sweetheart." 

Your cheeks developed a faint red at the petname, but gladly it was too dark in the conservatory for her to see. You turn to Tyler, "Thank you so much for saving my life. I owe you." 

He chuckled, "It's alright. I better get going before my father starts wondering where I am. Have a good one!" 

After the boy had left, you went over to where he had left your bags to pick them up. But right before you could take the bags, a hand on your wrist stopped you. 

"Ah, ah. Let me carry those, you must be tired." She insisted, sending you a look which left you no room to argue. You slightly nodded as you wacthed her pick up your bags with surprising strength. 

You began following her through the empty halls like a lost puppy, you didn't speak much but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. 

Soon enough, you stopped at a door and she searched for a key in her pocket, opening the door. "I'm sorry, sweetie, but you don't have a roommate. All the dorms were full already so you're going to be alone in here." She explained almost sadly, carrying your bags inside and suddenly rubbing your bicep comfortingly. 

You flinched a bit at the sudden touch and your cheeks instantly grew hot, which didn't go unnoticed by the woman. You saw how her eyes looked at you weirdly, but not exactly in a bad way, and how her lips parted just the slightest bit. 

You had no clue what her gaze meant, but it was piercing through you. 

"I- it's alright, Ms Thornhill. I prefer solitude anyway." 

She smiled softly, "By the way, welcome to Opheila Hall. As I said before, I'm also your dorm mom, meaning you can come to me about anything and everything whenever you need, sweeatheart, okay?" 

You nodded and avoided her gaze. Wrong move, apparently. She gripped you chin and forced you to look in her eyes, you only now noticed how close you were standing, her touch was sending shivers down your spine. 

"Use your words, sweet girl." She cooed, making you hazy at the attention and her way with words. 

"I- yes, thank you, Ms Thornhill. I uh, I better start unpacking." You rambled, embarassed at how you were stuttering just because of her touch. 

She chuckled, "Right, I'll leave you be. I'll stop by tomorrow morning so we can go to Principal Weems together to retrieve your schedule, uniform and everything else necessary." 

You nodded as you walked around the small dorm, observing it and thinking of how you'd decorate it to look cozy. "Yes, thank you so much, Ms Thornhill. And sorry again for arriving this late," 

She smiled as you spoke, "Don't apologize, honey. You did nothing wrong. Oh, and just to go over by a few rules, lights out at 10, and no boys, ever." 

-

The next day you woke up, smiling lightly at the newly decorated dorm. It had pretty stringlights hung up everywhere, creating a magical atmosphere, there were some of your favorite books set on your desk neatly, hou hung up pretty and slightly transparent white curtains on the windows to add more life into the previously empty room. In your opinion, the bed was the best thing. You had several cozy blankets, decorated pillows and a few plushies. Above it were also some hung stringlights. 

You really loved how the room turned out. 

Giddy about your new home, you quickly got out of bed and went into the ensuite bathroom in your dorm. You brushed your teeth and washed your face. You quickly did yor hair and applied some makeup before going over to your closet. 

It was your first day here, you wanted to make a good first impression. You ended up choosing your favorite outfit. 

You didn't know what you should do, but you wanted to explore the school. You decided you'd go and see if Ms Thornhill was in the conservatory (because you completely forgot she was supposed to come to you). 

You left your dorm and wandered around the school, trying to remember the way to your dorm. The school was a labyrinth. 

You came to an outdoor area which was filled with students. You felt several pairs of eyes on you, which was pretty expected but still made you feel a pang of anxiety in your chest and made you cross your arms. You were quite a social person, but new situations like these still weren't your piece of cake. 

A hand on your shoulder interrupted your thoughts. You jumped a little as you turned around to meet a excited-looking blonde who must've been the same age as you. She had blue and pink highlights in her hair and the biggest ear-to-ear smile you'd ever seen on anyone. 

There was a raven-haired girl next to the blonde, the mere opposite of her friend. Where the first girl looked like she was on top of the world, the other girl looked like she'd kill you without hesitation if you ever messed with her or her friend. 

"Hi!! I'm Enid Sinclair, you must be new here, what's your name??!" The blonde was almost jumping with joy, and her easy-going demeanor really eased up the situation. 

You smiled, "Y/N L/N, nice to meet you too. And yeah, I'm very much new here, I arrived just last night." 

You turned to look at the gloomy girl next to the blonde. She was glaring at me, but offered her hand anyway after Enid nudged her slightly. You shook her hand and she introduced herself, "Wednesday Addams. It's a pleasure." 

You nodded with a smile. 

"Y/N, would you like if we showed you around here? I know it can be hard to find places when you're here for the first time." Enid offered. 

"Really? That would be amazing," You beamed, ignoring Wednesday's glares towards Enid for suggesting such thing. 

You began following the two girls around the school. They showed you the cafeteria, told you that the outdoors area was called the quad, which you honestly thought was weird but didn't say anything. After about an hour of walking around the school and trying to remember the right paths to certain places. 

"So, Y/N, what type of an outcast are you?" Enid asked after showing you to the library, Wednesday following close behind. 

Your cheeks flushed and you felt an uncomfortable twist in your stomach - you were afraid they'd abandon you instantly if they found out about you being a normie. You sighed as you already accepted your fate, and reluctantly spoke. "Actually, I'm not an outcast. All of my family is, psychics to be exact, but I'm not. I guess the good gene really decided to skip on me." You closed your eyes as you felt the tears pricking in your eyes. 

But to your utter shock, neither of them made a snarky comment or looked at you in a disgusted way. Instead, you felt two arms hugging you tight. Enid wrapped you in her arms and whispered just so the three of you heard- "Don't worry, Y/N, this won't change our opinions about you. We know you're unique, whether you have any psychic abilities or not. You're a special girl, Wednesday here said so." 

You looked at the raven-haired girl in shock. You didn't expect she'd say something so nice of you so quickly. She just nodded her head in confirmation before quickly looking away to hide her embarassment. 

You smiled softly at them, feeling a sense of calm washing over you. "Thank you, guys. It really means a lot. Uhh, could you possibly show me the way back to my dorm? I think I may have already forgotten." 

"Yeah, sure!" Enid exclaimed happily before you three were again on your way. 

You took extra note of the hallways leading to your dorm. You did luckily catch onto these type of things pretty easily so it wasn't that hard. 

You were so caught up in talking with Enid that as you rounded a corner, you bumped into someone. You closed your eyes and were ready to fall, but to your surprise, you didn't. You felt a pair of strong hands around your waist, keeping you up and steady. 

"Woah, there!" Ms Thornhill chuckled, but soon furrowed her eyebrows in worry, "Honey, where were you? I thought I was supposed to come and get you so we could go to the principal together?"

You widened your eyes as you realized, you had forgot.

"Oh my god, Ms Thornhill, I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to, I-I was-" You started rambling nervously. 

She huffed on a soft laughter, still her hands were on your waist even though you were standing up straight now. You blushed furiously and that didn't go unnoticed by the woman. 

"Sweetie, calm down. I was never mad at you, I was just worried, okay?" She said gently, squeezing your waist assuringly before letting go. And for some reason, you immediately missed the contact. 

"Okay," You whispered, almost forgetting how Wednesday and Enid were still standing beside you, observing the interaction you had with the redhead. 

"So, are you ready to go to Principal Weems now? Come on, I'll go with you, bye girls!" She linked your arms and pulled you away from your new friends. 

You quickly waved to the girls before disappearing around the corner. 

You suddenly got extremely nervous about meeting the principal, how angry she must've been at you for not showing up. You're nothing but a burden to everyone, you shouldn't even be here in the first place. 

You stopped dead in your tracks, and Ms Thornhill, who still had her arm linked to yours, stopped abruptly too, turning around with confusion all over her face. 

She furrowed her brows, "Sweetheart? Is everything okay?" 

You pursed your lips together and looked around to see if there was any way to escape the uncomfortable situation. You tried your best to avoid eye contact with the teacher, which only grew her more worried. There were a few students in the hallway, which only made you more anxious. Ms Thornhill noticed this, as she quickly placed her hand on your lower back and walked you to a more secluded corner. 

Your breathing picked up and you could only think of how it would all come crashing down before it even started. 

"Hey, honey, I'm right here, you're safe with me, okay?" Ms Thornhill tried to assure you with a patient smile. 

"No, no, I can't, m'sorry-" You rambled as you still were trying to blink your tears away. 

"Hey, hey, listen to me, can you be a good girl and do that for me?" She whispered, causing your breath to hitch in your throat at the good girl and your attention shifted onto her and her words. You vigorously nodded through your ragged breaths. 

"Such a good girl, now, breath with me. One in, one out, just do as I do, okay?" And that nickname absolutely made something surprisingly pleasant on fire in your abdomen. 

You nodded again as you watched her chest inflate and deflate again and again, and you did the same, following her movements. 

If you weren't in such a state right now, you would've noticed Marilyn's amused but attentive eyes set on you as you kept on looking at her chest. 

Over and over again, in and out, and it started to help. You weren't in a state of panic anymore, you felt surprisingly good. She really had helped you. Taking in a last big breath in and out, you sighed in content as you had finally calmed yourself down. 

Ms Thornhill smiled tenderly and cupped your cheek with one of her hands, soothing her thumb across it. You smiled lightly as well. 

"You did very well, dear. I'm proud of you." 

You nodded to assure yourself everything was okay now. 

"Do you think you'll be able to go see Principal Weems now? You don't have to if you don't feel like it. But I'll be there with you if you want to go, okay?" She gently spoke. 

You thought for a second and then nodded, "Yeah, I think I'm ready to go," 

She smiled softly as she linked your arms again. 

If only you’d have known that this was the beginning of something so incredibly disastrous.

[teaforqne]

I'm just ranting into the void about Led Zep, post TSRTS clarity.

Feel free to read how I vomit my feelings, or not. TW: mentions of drugs, death, EDs.

I hate getting too into my interests because now I feel bad knowing so much about Led Zep's members as people, and not seeing them simply as personas on a stage – which is ironic because that's the whole point of getting to know more about my interests, but it just feels... Bad.

Maybe it's just me being a new fan and all these things that are now dawning on me are well-known in the fandom or amongst older fans lmao, but I need to let my feelings out somewhere! And I think here is a good place, since I've been blessed by nothing else than heartwarmingly nice mutuals.

For example, after reading about the personal relationships between members, mostly out of curiosity, it's said from the begining that Led Zeppelin didn't start as a band between friends; Jimmy needed a band to continue an already booked tour he had from before the Yardbirds broke up — he knew Jonesy and then found Robert and Bonham, therefore he created LZ from a professional need. Which is... You know, understandable.

The thing about me discovering this is that, I guess it made me realise that it wasn't the best time in the world for any of them, as one would suppose it was from an outer point of view. Robert himself talks about the "Led Zep times" as something that brings dark memories back, rightfully so; Bonzo lived with constant anxiety, addictions and homesickness, Jimmy had horrible addictions and problems with anorexia (if I'm not mistaken), and Jonesy didn't feel comfortable at all around the ambiance of hedonism, drugs and sex that was created around the band, he was an introvert whose personality collided with the rest of the group's.

I guess I thought of them as the idealised version that is their stage personas, where they all get along perfectly well and they're all friends jskwjwkw.

Just thinking about the deeper, more hidden part of them as people makes me appreciate them more, I suppose. It makes me appreciate Robert's solo career in which he could expand himself with the music he liked making, or Bonzo being a complete sweetheart to Robert when Karac passed away, amongst other things.

I don't think there's a clear conclusion about this little rant of mine, it's the first band ever in which I take my time to actually know each member closely, read about them and understand that bands are simply not perfect as so aren't people, no matter how good of an artist they are.

A while ago, early when I started liking LZ, I read about Jimmy and Robert because I was blown away by them, and I won't lie, I was destroyed by the revelation of Robert's infidelity and Jimmy's... Taste in girls. (Sorry! I'm not completely comfortable by saying it appropriately, as I'm a grooming victim myself, but you know what I meant.)

It felt really, really bad to have two people you looked up to as literal rock gods, taken down that altar by discovering that... Eh, they aren't exactly the best people. It kind of made me think about the whole thinking process of separating the art from the artist, the moral battle inside myself because I felt guilty for liking them, and then ending up accepting that some things are simply out of my hands and I can't really do anything about them other than be conscious about what I enjoy, and hold people accountable. The best thing I could do about absolutely loving Led Zeppelin was criticise it, and not look up at them as untouchable beings of perfection.

Ty for reading, if you did! <[:^)

[lynaferns]

I needed to take something out of my chest and I got into a rant of basically me complaining about the (DCA) fandom and shippings. It got long so I'm putting a cut.

If you don't want to read it you don't have to.

Edit: I wanted to clarify, I'm not throwing crap at anyone for liking shipping, there is nothing wrong with the ships. I'm just taking my frustration out to the air because good platonic/friendship content is hard to find. The problem is mine, not yours.

Edit 2: This post is VERY outdated and I don't belive in half of what I said here anymore (the bottom half), I grew out it and I'm doing better now, I think. Also guess what? turns out I may be very aroce so that explains the other half of the post lol.

Since I rebloged that post about being tired of shipping in the fandoms my feed (<-idk if it's called that) has filled up with more posts about it that I relate to but feel bad rebloging because I don't want to call out any of you.

But I'm at a point that it has gotten SO tiresome, shipping is the only thing I find when I go in the Sun and Moons tags. "If you don't want to see that you can filter the tags-" <-that would be great, that would work if it wasn't because 1-there are like 20 different tags for the same thing and I'm constantly adding new ones to the filter 2-not everybody tags correctly/at all their post, I've seen people post their ship art and not tag it as ship, that is going to slip through the filter.

And all the shipping is about romantic/suggestive, they either want to kiss them or something more intimate. Where are the platonic relationships? And I mean friendship relationship, sex/romantic repulsed even. I tried to make one myself, even if I put tags of 'no ship' people still tags it as 'character x selfinser/yn' ship, why? What in the post/drawing/comic/AU made you think this was romantic? That makes me question more things like, why holding hands has to be romantic? Why sleeping in the same bed because there is only one has to be romantic? Why does the minimum of fisical contact a character has with other has to mean is romantic? Why why why? Even if the characters are truly in love/already dating, I don't get it, I don't get why that's the norm, why any of it automatically means 'romantic'.

There is really no solution to this unless I leave the fandom or stop searching content.

I wish I was into that stuff so I could appreciate it, but I'm not and it's no ones fault. I know those people are just doing their thing and having fun, AND it looks fun! I've seen a lot of cool artists around but I can't follow them because I risk having to see everyday the stuff they draw or reblog that makes me uncomfortable. It sucks. I can't make any friends here or anywhere because of this barrier (other than anxiety/personal difficulties and stuff).

And it doesn't stop there. Since the beginning I had the feeling that the DCA fandom likes a totally different character from the one I like. When I search fanart/comics/AUs Sun doesn't feel like Sun, Moon doesn't feel like Moon and every interpretation of fanon Eclipse I had encountered is some kind of mastermind, manipulative and as a plus, predatory, in a bad way.

I'm not good at writing, I know it's hard, I know not every one will share the same perspective I have of the characters, there is not much info about them anyways. But sometimes it feels like people throws out of the window the few details we have about them that makes the Daycare Attendant THE Daycare Attendant to make a completely different character with the same shell. Or they believe as canon something that the fandom made up because everybody collectively believed a rumor even though there's no official information or confirmation.

If the canon Sun and Moon were the same as fanon I would have never liked them.

I'm sure this is a thing in every fandom and I'm probably just pointing out something that everybody knows but this is the first fandom that I got into so this whole year and a half has been a new experience.

Even though all of this I'm still going to draw them, I'll still make fanarts because I like this character.

I've been feeling burned out lately so I don't know how regularly I'm going to draw them or post about them but the brainrot is staying one more year.

[hanna-kin]

Wille and Erik

I love the relationship between Wille and Erik. It remains one of my favourite of the whole shoe depsite how few scenes they had together.

There's so much left unsaid but we as an audience still get to know so much about their relationship. The show tells so much with so little.

From the beginning it's clear that Wille idolises Erik and looks at him as if Erik can do no wrong.

We see Erik support Wille on his first day at Hillerska. It's Erik. It's Erik not their parents that accompanies Wille to school. He senses Wille’s anxiety and comes up with a way to cheer him up. He's a big brother.

But just as quickly we see how he's also the crown prince and very much part of the establishment. He tells Wille to stop being selfish when Wille expresses his worries and anxieties. Even if he loves his brother you get the feeling that Erik wishes Wille would just comply for once and not cause trouble.

We see him comfort Wille and give him a hug but when Wille clings to him he eventually gets annoyed. It's not time to play. He doesn’t have time. So he leaves Wille standing, watching his big brother leave him behind.

We also see them on the phone together several times and it's clear Erik is a person Wille opens up to. He's his bigger brother. And Erik once again shows that he's supportive of Wille. He teases him about his crush and is happy for him.

And then of course Erik dies and Wille’s life falls apart. Not only is his brother and up until now closest friend dead, he's also forced to immediately step into Erik’s shoes and fulfill a role he knows Erik played to perfection. In his mind living up to Erik feels impossible.

He struggles so much with this burden and he's determined to honour his brothers legacy. He's still convinced that Erik was perfect and wants ti live up to that. We see him grieve his brother while he tries to figure out what this new role means for him. As things unravels around him we see him longing for the comfort Erik used to provide him.

If anything, Erik's death just solidifies Wille's idea that Erik was perfect and flawless.

In the opening of season 2 we still see him struggle with his grief and loss. At the same he's literally drowning under the pressure of being the Crown Prince because once again, Erik was the perfect Crown Prince and how can he possibly live up to that?

Why is he struggling so much when Erik didn't? Why is he not strong like Erik was?

He expresses it in the scene with Erik. That he feels like their parents are not proud of him and that they wish he was a better spare.

Erik cheers him up and also gives him the snow globe. He also hints at how much pressure he's feeling

At least you don't have to be Crown prince.

I don’t think Wille realises then. He's just focused on the fight and the fact that his parents are sending him away, seemingly punishing him for not being good enough.

But then as season 2 progresses we see how his perception of his brother kinda falls apart.

The snowglobe represents both of them. Erik was also trapped in his role and then he gave it to Wille. He was only set free because he died. And then Wille was the one who got trapped instead.

As we all know, the snowglobe shatters and while it's a heartbreaking moment for Wille it also allows him to slowly break free.

We see him stand up for himself and set boundaries. He starts regaining control, little by little. Even it's baby steps it still means something.

And through his therapy sessions Wille learns more and more about himself.

Boris shows him that it's okay to feel pressure and to feel like it's too much. I don't think Wille’s really reflected on that before. How much pressure he's under and that it's not normal.

He also learns that Erik also went to therapy and he realises that Erik hid alot from him. He wasn't perfect and he wasn't bulletproof. He too struggled with the burden of being Crown Prince.

In the end I think it helps him come to terms with his own struggles. He now knows that the expectations on him are unfair and unreasonable.

He's allowed to feel what he feels. He's allowed to choose for himself how to live his life. He's allowed to be open.

[an-aroaces-harem]

Ivy Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: I just deepl and google translated my way through this because I wanted to know what’s going on, so there are definitely mistakes but I believe I managed the general gist of the story. Anyway, it’s just a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes. Morganatic Idol belongs to Cybird and ABC Frontier, Inc.

Rina: Thank you very much all your hard work! It was a great show!

Ivy: Thank you. I'm glad it worked out.

Hugh: It was ... fun.

Jace: The solo dance part was a lot of fun, too.

Finn: I was right, wasn't I?

Xeno: I don't like it when he says it at the last minute every time.

Ivy: Well, well, it all turned out all right, so why not?

Ivy: Kawanaga-san, I could see a little of you from. I thought you were working hard!

Rina: O-oh, thank you very much.

(I can't believe you even care about me.)

As I was standing there, Sakura-san came running up to me.

Sakura Eito: Guys, there's a change of plans! There's a launch party hosted by the tv station, so we're going to attend that.

Ivy: That's a bit sudden, isn't it?

Jace: That's great, it means I can play openly tonight.

Xeno: What the hell is that? It'll affect your work tomorrow.

Sakura Eito: This also serves as a celebration of exe's music video being played 100 million times. You have to show your faces even if it's just for a short time.

Sakura Eito: In return, I'll make arrangements for you to take tomorrow morning off.

Finn: I can drink without worrying about tomorrow. That would be nice.

Hugh: Good night ... I'm happy.

(100 million views is really great. They sang that song at the live performance earlier.)

As I recall, it was a theme song of a tv drama, and it was broadcast by the same tv station that broadcasts today's music program.

(It's like the whole bureau is giving them special treatment ...)

(I'm sure it will be a spectacular launch. I have nothing to do with this world.)

With that in mind ...

Ivy: Kawanaga-san, you come with us as well.

Rina: Eh!?

Ivy-san's words make me panic.

Rina: Oh, no, I'd be out of place there.

Ivy: No, it's not like that. The rest of the staff will be there.

Rina: But ...

As I surrender, Ivy-san smiles kindly at me.

Ivy: I'd love to hear what the staff thought of the day. Right?

His expression, which seemed to ease my anxiety, made me consign myself to his request.

Rina: ... I understand.

(Ivy-san, maybe you were just being considerate ...)

Nervous, I headed to the launch party with the other staff and members.

(It's so gorgeous! Many of them were in today's show.)

The sheer glamour of the place made my feet tingle.

However, it was exe that shone more brightly than anyone else in the room.

Sakura Eito: I'll go and say hello. Everyone, please don't let anything happen.

Ivy: I'll take care of it.

Finn: Let's have a drink, Hugh, and since we've got the morning off, we should enjoy it.

Hugh: I need something sweet to drink.

Jace: They have some good champagne.

Xeno: Don't drink too much. It will affect you tomorrow.

The five were as usual, showing no signs of being overawed.

(It's amazing ... even though I'm just there, the atmosphere is different.)

The launch party goes off with a flourish, and the producer begins his speech.

The distribution of exe was also mentioned.

Program Producer: The last performer was exe, whose new music video has already received more than 100 million views!

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Program Producer: Tonight's special performance, which was broadcast simultabeously around the world has been a huge hit!

Finn: It turned out just as I expected.

Ivy: Oh, good for you.

Hugh: I had fun ...

Program Producer: We're going to play the video now, so everyone can see exe at its best!

Jace: Heh, that's the footage from earlier.

The screen began playing the performance of exe that had just been distributed.

The audience cheered and everyone in the venue was transfixed.

When the video finished playing with great excitement, Ivy-san approached me.

Ivy: Kawanaga-san, did you also see the video that was officially distributed by exe?

Rina: Yes.

Xeno: Can you play that too? We'd like to see how we performed today there as well.

Rina: O-of course.

I took my laptop, moved to the side of the screen, and connected the cable.

(Here's the video of tonight's distribution.)

The video of exe begins to play on the screen.

The official camera work was shot in a way that highlights the direction Finn-san suggested.

(The biggest difference is the solo part. This one focuses on each individual.)

Male Singer 1: Wow, that's quite different from what the tv stations are filming.

Female Singer 1: The video here is cool too! It's nice to see the members showing off their talents.

The audience as well as the members of exe were satisfied with the reception.

Finn: Heh, that sounds good.

Hugh: I had fun there.

Jace: It feels really good to monopolize the screen solo~

Ivy: It's a different kind of fun than showing the whole thing in a pull-up.

Xeno: But, as a matter of course, it's a bit lacking not being able to see the other members of a group in a scene that shows each of them individually.

Ivy: Well, sure. But that's just the way it is.

Rina: No, you can see the off-screen footage of the other members.

Ivy: Eh?

The eyes of the gathered men widen.

Xeno: What do you mean?

Rina: The solo parts were shot with a camera that follows each of the members.

Ivy: Really? It wasn't in the plan, so why ...

Rina: It was in line with the changes in the production. Since we were short on time and I had asked for a backup camera, I was able to deal with the situation.

Rina: This is an official video for the fans, so I think it needs to feel special.

Rina: I'd like to distribute all of them, since we've added so much to the showcase ...

Sakura Eito: She suggested it to me before the concert. I thought it was a good move.

Sakura Eito: Each video will be made available as a special edition for the fan club at a later date.

Sakura Eito: Kawanaga-chan, can you play the other video?

Rina: Yes.

Images of other members were shown one after another.

Female Singer 1: I'm sure you'll be impressed with the look on Jace-san's face!

Male Dancer 1: I was just doing it casually, but now Hugh, your turn is amazing!

Male Singer 1: There's so much to see. As expected of exe ...

The fixed camera footage seems to be a big hit with the artists around.

I was relieved when Ivy-san looked at me.

Ivy: You really did a great job, Kawanaga-san.

Ivy: I was surprised that you were able to do such a good job even though it was your first time working on an unfamilar site.

Rina: I was encouraged by Ivy-san ... and wanted to do what I could to help.

Ivy: I see you're a go-getter.

Rina: Ivy-san ... thank you very much.

Jace: Heh, Aegis-chan, you're good.

Hugh: I think ... it's nice and easy to look at.

Xeno: It's not an original proposal ... but the tact with which you handled the sudden change is not bad.

Finn: That's surprising. I thought you'd fall down or make some kind of mistake.

Rina: Umm ...

(Falling down, screwing up, and so on ... I wonder if they thought I was that bad at my job ...)

(I hope this makes a little bit of an impression.)

As I was thinking this, many people were gathering around exe, perhaps because of the excitement of the accasion.

(They all look like they want to talk to exe. I'm not sure I'm being a distraction here.)

As I was thinking of moving somewhere else ... I was suddenly hit from behind.

Rina: ... ng!?

Female Idol: Ow, that hurt!

I turned around in a hurry. There I saw a female idol who had just performed at the live concert.

Rina: I-I'm sorry.

She stared at me.

Female Idol: You were talking to exe earlier ... Weren't you an AD or something?

Rina: Eh ...

Female Idol: If you're not busy, why don't you just hand out freebies?

Female Idol: Standing in the middle of the venue looking so tired and with such clothes, you would feel out of place and annoying.

Rina: !

I felt as if I had been hit on the head with those words.

Rina: Well, I ...

I want to say something back, but I can't find the words. I know best that I'm in the wrong place.

I couldn't help but to consol myself, and that's when it happened.

Ivy: What's wrong?

Female Idol: Ivy-san!

She blushed when Ivy-san entered the conversation.

Female Idol: It's nothing! I just got bumped by this AD girl.

Female Idol: I don't care, today was the best! I'm your fan!

Ivy: I see. Thank you.

Ivy: But I'd be happy if you didn't make a mistake. She isn't an AD but a very important staff member of our company.

Female Idol: Eh, really?

Ivy: Yes, and even if she was an AD, I don't think she would be out of place here.

Ivy: Our work wouldn't be possible without our staff.

Female Idol: Oh ... well, I ...

Ivy: Well then, I'll be going now. Come on, Kawanaga-san.

Ivy-san urged me to move away from her.

Rina: Excuse me, Ivy-san. Where are you going?

Ivy: I know a place where we can relax. Let's go there.

He took me to the VIP room and sat me down in a chair.

Ivy: Are you okay?

Rina: Y-yes. Thank you very much.

Ivy: Yeah, I got it.

His smile loosens my tense heart.

(... You saved me. You're so sweet to take care of me like this.)

(And you do take care of your staff, don't you? That idol girl was sorry too ...)

Ivy: You must be tired. You can rest here for a while. We'll be out of here soon.

Rina: I understand.

Ivy: Well, I'll see you later.

Rina: Hah ...

Alone, I looked down at my reflection.

(... I worked behind the scenes at a live, so there should be nothing wrong with this outfit.)

But ...

(Dull and tired looking? That's right ...)

I can't stop thinking about what Miu-san said to me before and what she said to me now.

(It's totally out of place for me to be on exe's side, isn't it?)

The work was going well, but my heart was sinking.

(I couldn't sleep much.)

(No one is here yet ... I remember they have the morning off today.)

Ivy: Good morning, Kawanaga-san.

Rina: Good morning. Thank you for your hard work yesterday.

Ivy: You too. You worked late last night, but you're not tired, aren't you?

Rina: I'm fine. Everyone is still asleep, right? Ivy-san, don't you want to sleep?

Ivy: I guess it's so ingrained in my body to get up early that I can't stay up late.

Ivy: Jace will call me an uncle again if I say this.

Ivy: That's right. Today's Sunday. What are your plans?

Rina: I'll be working in the office this afternoon.

Ivy: You're taking the morning off, just like us.

Ivy: Well, I'm going out now and I was wondering if you'd like to come with me.

Rina: Eh?

(With Ivy-san!?)

Ivy: Or are you still tired?

Rina: I'll be fine. But where are you going?

Ivy: I'm going to look at clothes at the store, but I don't want to go alone.

Ivy: Let's waste no time and get going.

With these words, Ivy-san led me out into the city.