irregular-orangutan

[theearnestonion]

I know that "this is not a place of honor" is a meme but I'll be honest I find the message sobering and haunting

[silkling]

I have the weird headcanon that TFRB Cody could adopt Lazerbeak brother, Buzzsaw. I haven't read a lot of TF comics so I don't know he's current status, still I always saw Cody as a typical animal owner, and I think it would be kind of cute too. Could you write some scenes of theme meeting and become friends

Come Home to Roost

Buzzsaw was tired. He was so, so tired. He missed Soundwave. He missed Laserbeak. Pit damn it, he also missed the those infernal twins and that Pit-spawned cat. They had been family for so long. Had been home. It had been them that he returned to every night to roost. It had been them that he had built his nest among. It had been them that he had come to call flock.

Now though…how could they be flock, when they had left him behind? Even his sister had left. He had thought Soundwave cared more than that. Apparently not, though. It had been a miracle that he’d made it off Centauri-12 after being abandoned. But he had, and he’d wandered the cosmos, stowing away on any ship he could find. He didn’t know what his goal was. To survive, he supposed. Find a new roost, though knowing how Primus had abandoned him thus far in his life, he doubted their “benevolent” Creator would have such kindness to direct towards him.

And perhaps he should not be surprised, really. He had been one of Soundwave’s most vicious Cassettes, after Ravage. But was that really something to be punished? He had had to be vicious. His sister had refused to be, and before Soundwave that meant he’d had to step up to keep her safe, to keep them both safe. Cybertron had not been kind to Cassettes, after all. Under Functionism, Cassettes had been viewed as little more than slaves, pets, property. He’d had to be vicious, then. It had been the only way they’d kept their lives, kept their freedom. After Soundwave, he’d had to continue to be vicious. Whereas Laserbeak had been the Host’s spy, Buzzsaw had been the attacker from above. Where Ravage had killed and torn from the ground, Buzzsaw had swooped in and brought death from the skies. After Soundwave, he’d been vicious because his new Host had needed him to be a protector still. And with Soundwave there had been Megatron, and he’d gone from protector to soldier.

Now though…now he wasn’t much of anything. Left behind on an uninhabited world that had drawn the War to it due to its energon mines, forgotten by the very one who had vowed to shelter and care for him, by his kin, by the family had come to call his own. He didn’t even feel them over the bond they’d shared anymore. They’d known he was alive when they’d left Centauri-12. He knew they had, the bond had told him as much. But they’d left anyway. And so he’d broken it. It had almost killed him. Cassettes were hard-coded for loyalty. It was part of their very core. To break the bond when he’d sworn his loyalty to Soundwave….it had made his spark burn with agony. But what other choice had he had? They’d left him behind, cast him aside, and left him with nothing.

He’d had to hitch a ride in the Autobot ship, which had left the planet later then his former allies. He’d been discovered when they’d landed again, and had had to flee. He’d continued like that, going from ship to ship, Neutral, Autobot, and even Decepticon, always fleeing when he was found. He’d even hidden away on the ships of organic species. It seemed his luck had finally run out, though. He’d been on the ship of a species called the Kaminoans, but after they’d found and attempted to capture him he’d been forced to flee into the vast expanse of space. It had almost killed him. He wasn’t space-faring. His armor couldn’t stand the pressure for long. Thankfully, his long-range sensors had detected a habitable planet in the nearest star system, and he’d fled as fast as his tired, starved frame could take him. The Kaminoans hadn’t given chase.

He remembered his first view of the planet. It was blue, with large green landmasses. Then he’d breached the atmosphere, and his systems hadn’t been able to handle the stress. He’d offlined, and come to surrounded by some sort of extremely salty liquid. He hadn’t been able to fly, and had had to go on foot, hoping to make his way to land. He didn’t want to rust on the floor of some massive salty pool of liquid. So he’d forced himself to move, and eventually he’d dragged himself onto some tiny, rocky shore. He’d only had the energy to cast out his sensors for one look around, enough to realize he had dragged himself onto some sort of island, and then his systems had dragged him into an emergency shutdown.

Blissfully, Buzzsaw knew no more.

——————————

When his systems pulled him from his forced recharge, Buzzsaw knew he was in trouble. His optics onlined with a dull glow, and his focused briefly on his HUD, taking in the messages flitting across it. After a moment, he chuffed and forced himself to stand. His self-repair had healed just enough damage to drag him from the edge of a stasis lock, but then the system had shut down in response to low energon. He was at 15% right now, which meant he had the rest of this orn to find fuel before his frame went into emergency stasis. After that..it would be too late for him.

The only way for a Cybertronian to be pulled out of emergency stasis was for another bot to fuel them enough that their systems kicked back online. Otherwise, the stasis would keep the bot in question under, only the bare essential systems running in order to keep the spark alight. Eventually, even those would give out, and the bot would die. Buzzsaw had heard claims that it was a peaceful way to go. That after entering stasis, you wouldn’t be aware of anything, which meant death was just like slipping under. You wouldn’t actually feel pain, wouldn’t feel your spark gutter.

Personally, Buzzsaw didn’t believe that. He thought dying like that was frightening. How could it not be? Feeling your systems fail and shut down, one by one, until you didn’t even have the strength to vent on your own. Your frame shutting down slowly, a klick at a time, until your awareness and consciousness was the last to go, but able to feel each and every one of your non-vital systems go offline. Your processor slipping under, your spark forced to still and shrink to conserve energy, your last thought either a prayer to be found or the grim knowledge you’d die where you lay.

No, Buzzsaw didn’t see the peace in a death like that. He looked around, taking in his surroundings, and then started walking. His wings were folded, and he made no attempt to fly. It would take too much of his energy. So he had to stay on the ground to conserve what precious little he had left. He only hoped he found an energon source. If he was extraordinarily lucky, this planet produced it. His best chances were at finding a underground mine. Liquid energon wells weren’t found anywhere but Cybertron. Other planets only produced the fuel in its crystalline form.

He hobbled along, and it wasn’t long before he was stumbling across a cave. He felt the faintest stirrings of hope as he hobbled in, sending out a faint ping of his sensors. Maybe he would find energon after all. Distracted as he was, he didn’t notice when the ground under him crumbled, and he fell into the deeper caverns below. He hit the ground hard, and his HUD threw up frantic damage warnings.

He dismissed them dispassionately, resignation settling in his spark. The fall had taken out his left leg, and his right wing was bent. He wouldn’t be able to move. This was it for him. He was going to slip into stasis lock and die here. As his systems started to shut down, he only had enough energy for one last action. Just before his consciousness was stolen away, he thought of the family he’d lost, and the life he would no longer be able to live.

Buzzsaw lifted his head and released a haunting cry, the caves all over the island echoing with his grief and regret. Then his optics went dark, and his helm fell to the dusty ground with a soft clang of metal on rock.

In the tunnels around him, his death knell echoed on.

——————————

Optimus shuttered his optics and tilted his head when the haunting cry floated from the tunnels leading out of the bunker. The Rescue Bots and their partners, who were also in the Lounge area, paused what they were doing and looked up. The Prime frowned, concerned. Young Cody was in the tunnels. Was he perhaps hurt?

“It must be a bird.” Graham said after a moment. “That’s what it sounds like, anyway. It might be lost in the tunnels and calling for its flock.”

That reassured Optimus. Now that he stopped to think, the cry HAD sounded more animal than human.

“Should we go help?” Boulder asked, clearly concerned.

“No.” Chief Burns said after a moment. “Let’s give it a bit. It might get out on it’s own. If it’s still crying like that in an hour, then we can help.”

“Got it, dad.” Graham agreed, and then he and his partner were returning to their previous task.

The other Bots and humans soon followed suit. Optimus was left staring at the tunnel entrance, lips twisted in a frown. Something was tugging at his processor. That call had definitely been animal in nature. But it had also sounded just faintly mechanical. His audials had barely even picked up on that aspect of the eerie wail, but he had heard it, he was certain of that.

The buzzing of the comm. system tore him from his thoughts. It was Cody.

“Uh, Dad? Guys?”

Chief Burns was answering in less than a minute. “We’re here, Cody. What is it? Do you need help?”

“No. Well, kind of. I don’t need help, but I found someone who might.”

Kade scoffed. “What, is a lost bird flying around in a panic? Just try and scare it back towards the entrance, it’ll be fine. We heard that call, I’m sure it was just calling for its friends.”

“Um, no.” Cody was blunt. “It’s not a bird. Not an Earth one, anyway.”

“Can you repeat that, son?”

“It’s not an Earth bird. I think it’s Cybertronian. And it looks like it’s hurt pretty bad.”

Optimus froze. A Cybertronian bird. That wasn’t possible. The only types of Cybertronian avians he knew of were Cassettes.

“Cody.” he cut in. “What color is it? Is it red and black?”

“No, Optimus. It’s black and…brown, I think? It’s really dirty. I can’t see what the other color is very clearly. It might not be brown.”

Not Laserbeak, then. But he didn’t know of any brown and black avian Cassette. Maybe one had escaped Cybertron on its own? It was extremely unlikely, but he supposed it wasn’t impossible. Cassettes were perfectly capable and intelligent.

“Oh, wait. I have a towel in my pack. I can see if I can clean some of the dirt.”

“Why do you have a towel in your bag?” Kade snarked. “You were just exploring the caves.”

“Sure, but I wanted to go to the beach right after. Hang on, I almost got it…” there was a pause. “There. It’s black and yellow. It’s still hard to tell because the grime is really caked in and the paint is old and fading, but I think the other color is yellow.”

Optimus froze. Black and yellow. But how? Buzzsaw had been lost on Centauri-12. Except…that wasn’t quite right either. He vaguely remembered a report that Jazz had found the Cassette stowing away on the Ark after the Autobots had left that planet, but that he’d been chased off before he could be captured when they’d been near a space docks. Had the little avian really survived on his own so long? It seemed almost ludicrous to even think it, yet he knew there was only one black and yellow Cybertronian bird who had left Cybertron.

“Hold on, Cody. I believe I may know who that is. Tell me, is he awake?”

“It’s a him? And no. I’m almost not sure if he’s even still…” Cody trailed off, but Optimus understood.

“I see. Stay where you are. I am coming now. And be wary. If I am correct, then that is Buzzsaw. He is a formidable foe, and if he wakes you must stay away from him.”

“Alright. I’ll be here.” the boy agreed, the the comm. cut off with a click.

“Wait, foe? Is this one of those Decepticons you mentioned, Optimus?” Chief Burns asked.

“He is indeed.” The Prime informed him.

“Then why should we help?” Kade asked. “If he’s one of the bad guys, shouldn’t we leave him there?”

“No.” Heatwave stood, crossing his arms. Glancing around, Optimus could see the same resolve the fire truck was showing in the rest of the Rescue Bots. “‘Con or not, we aren’t leaving him. We’re Rescue Bots, we save anyone who needs it, regardless of who they are. If you won’t help, we’ll do it on our own.”

“You are correct, Heatwave. It would be wrong to leave Buzzsaw to perish.” Optimus agreed. He looked down at the humans. “If he is truly as injured as Cody says, then he will be of little threat. So long as you are wary, he will likely be unable to cause you harm.”

“Are you certain, Optimus?” Chase asked.

“Yes. Buzzsaw is a Cassette. He is far smaller than any of you. He is also very young. I believe that he is the equivalent of a human teenager, if my memory is not mistaken.” The Prime soothed.

That was clearly the key to convince the Chief. “Go.” the human said. “If we can help, we will. It wouldn’t be right to leave him there.”

Optimus nodded, and then folded down into his alt-mode and drove. He had not told the humans, but he was certain that the call they had heard earlier had in fact been Buzzsaw himself. He had not wanted to mention it, to avoid distressing the others too much. But he was certain of it now.

That haunting cry hadn’t been a call for help, it had been a death song.

——————————

Optimus pulled up alongside Cody, shifting to root mood as his optics found the still form lying limp on the ground. Primus, it really was Buzzsaw. He crouched down, one large hand slipping under the too-light form of the downed Cassette. This wasn’t right. Cassettes were smaller and not as heavily armored as a normal mech, but the avian shouldn’t be this light. Looking at him now, the Prime was starting to realize that Buzzsaw had likely been on his own and in a state of gradual starvation ever since Centauri-12.

“Optimus? Is he going to be okay?” It was Cody, and the boy was frowning up at him.

He hesitated, then folded into his alt-mode, carefully ensuring that Buzzsaw ended up in his cab. He opened his door, letting the human climb in, and then he was driving back to the bunker. He was silent for a lone moment before he finally spoke.

“I will not lie, Cody Burns. Buzzsaw’s status is…not promising.” he said after a moment.

There was silence as he drove, and then-

“You said he was a foe. Does that mean he’s a Decepticon?”

“Yes.” He answered simply.

There was more silence.

“Optimus?”

“Yes?”

“Why did the Decepticons start the War?”

Optimus was silent for a long moment. The boy truly was perceptive. But how could he answer that?

“Cybertron…was not kind to all its children.” he said after a long moment. “There were many policies in place that kept those of high status in power, and left those of lower social classes struggling.” There. That should be a simple enough explanation.

“And the Decepticons were those lower class bots?”

“Many of them, yes.” Optimus paused. “You must understand, Cody. Cybertron was not the utopia some of my Autobots may believe it was. There were many who suffered greatly. However, while the Decepticons may have risen from a just cause, that does not justify the depths they have since fallen to.”

Cody hummed. “I get it.” he said softly.

Optimus relaxed. Good. He didn’t want to lie to Cody, but he didn’t want to boy to think that the Decepticons were harmless. He feared that if that were the case, the young human may do something foolish in the future. No, it was better he understood the War for what it was.

“Optimus?”

“Yes?”

“What’s going to happen to Buzzsaw?”

Ah. “I…do not know. If he is able to recover, I cannot allow him to go free. It would cause immense trouble for my team and my Autobots if he were to rejoin his Master.” he sighed.

“Master?”

“Buzzsaw is a Cassette. They do not often live their lives independently.”

“Why?”

“…perhaps that is a detail best explained with all the others.”

“Okay.” Cody tilted his head. “So you can’t let him go. Can you take him with you?”

Optimus winced. “That would not be wise. I am afraid my team would not understand. I am all too willing to give Buzzsaw a chance, but if I were to bring him to my base I fear the others would argue in favor of his…deactivation.”

“Deactivation.” A pause. “You mean they’d want to kill him.” he whispered.

“The Decepticons have caused my mechs a great deal of pain, Cody.” Optimus said softly. “They would not do it to be cruel, but I know there would be more than one among them who would believe such action justified. An eye for an eye, as the earth saying goes.”

“It doesn’t make it right.”

“No.” Optimus agreed. “But it is War, and those who suffer the effects of it long enough do not enough grasp right from wrong any longer, only what hurts have been inflicted and how best to return them.”

“It’s a cycle.” Cody said sadly.

“A cruel, bitter one.”

Optimus could see the light of the bunker up ahead. He drove towards it in silence, spark heavy.

“Optimus?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think…Buzzsaw could stay here? On Griffin Rock, I mean. Maybe I could help him. The team too. He looks like he’s been on his own a long time. At least, I think he has been. If he has a “Master” like you said, I don’t think they’d let him get this bad off.” There was a pause. “Maybe he’s tired enough to not want to go back to the War? It’s worth a try, right? I want to help him.”

And Optimus, for the first time since he realized who the downed Cybertronian was, felt the faintest stirrings of hope.

——————————

Buzzsaw was resting. Blades had prepared a large crate on which to treat the injured Cassette, and as soon as Optimus had released the avian the small copter bot was scanning him and bustling around to repair him. He’d gotten an energon line started already, and currently his digits were transformed into the medical tools he needed to repair the damage to the Cassette’s internals and armor. As Blades worked, Optimus shared everything he had told Cody in the tunnel with the others.

“So he can’t go with you because your team might kill him, and you can’t let him go because he’d go back to his Master and cause trouble for your team.” Heatwave sighed. “I suppose that means his Host is here on Earth?”

“Soundwave is here, yes.” Optimus hummed. “He is Megatron’s Third in Command and Chief Communications Officer.”

“Ah, yes. I can see how that would cause issues if such a mech were to regain access to his Cassette.” Chase said.

“Cassette.” Cody said slowly. “You called him that in the tunnel too. It’s important. Why?”

Optimus hummed. “First, you must understand that Cybertronians are divided by our frame-types. There are flight frames, and among them you have Helios, Jets, Shuttles, and Seekers. Among the ground frames, there are cars, two-wheelers, trucks, and even more. There are even aquatic frames, though they are few and far between. Beyond them, you have triple-changers, bots who naturally have two alt-forms rather than one. There are also those with non-vehicular alt-modes. And finally, you also have mini-bots, and alongside them there are Cassettes.”

The humans were staring, focused intently on the overly simplified lesson. The Rescue Bots didn’t pay it much mind, however.

“Among all those frame-types, barring Cassettes, it was not uncommon on for some bots to have additional abilities on top of the normal abilities granted to them by their frames. Host mech are one such example. They can be any frame-type, but they are set apart because of their ability to bind their sparks to those of Cassettes in order to form a symbiotic bond.”

Cody blinked. “What do they each get out of the bond?”

“The Cassettes gain protection. Cassettes were…not a well-regarded class. They were found on the streets or in the wilds, and often forced to struggle for their very survival. Most Cybertronians viewed them as simple-minded or feral. They were not thought of as having much intelligence, or even sentience.” Optimus forced himself to continue at the disturbed looks the humans wore. “So for Cassettes, a bond with a Host was a chance at safety. They relinquished their freedom to their Host, and in return they would be given fuel, shelter, care, and above all else, safety. In return, the Hosts received the obedience of their Cassettes, and the Cassettes would help them with any task, function, or job they required.”

Cody was sitting next to Buzzsaw, and the Prime saw him extend a hand to lay it on the avian’s head. “That…that doesn’t sound very fair, Optimus.”

“Perhaps.” he agreed. “But most Hosts treated their Cassettes well and were very fond of them. Such a bond was necessary for many. Cassettes get their name because they do not have an alt-mode capable of movement. Their alt-mode is always a cassette tape or something else very similar. When the bond is formed, a Cassette gains the ability to dock within the armor of their Host while they are in their alt-mode. It is an added degree of safety.”

Chief Burns hummed. “I think I get it. The important bits, anyway. The cultural stuff…” He trailed off. “That I have a harder time wrapping my head around, but I get why our guest being a Cassette matters.”

“Oh?” Optimus had little doubt he did. The Chief was an intelligent man.

“He’s going to want to return to his Host. Because Soundwave is synonymous with safety for him, right?”

“That is likely.” Optimus agreed.

“But you said Hosts usually care a lot about their Cassettes. If that’s true, how did Buzzsaw get like this?” Cody cut in.

The Prime tilted his head. “The last reports of Buzzsaw’s location are many years old. He was last seen on an uninhabited planet that briefly became a battlefield for the War. The Decepticons fled, and the last reports on Buzzsaw are from after Megatron took his army off Centauri-12. It is likely the damage he sustained is a result of him being on his own.”

“So he might have been abandoned?”

“That…seems the most likely scenario, yes. Though Soundwave’s fondness for his Cassettes has always been well known, so I am at a loss as to why he would be left behind thus.”

“Does it matter why?” Cody asked.

“What are you thinking, little brother?” Dani sounded amused.

“If Soundwave abandoned Buzzsaw when he was supposed to be caring for him, then would Buzzsaw really want to go back?”

Optimus reset his optics, startled. “I…had not considered that.” he said after a moment. “I do not know. That is something you will have to ask him yourself.”

Cody perked up. “So you think he would benefit from staying, then?”

Optimus turned to Chief Burns. “If your father agrees, then yes, I do believe so. I have seen the effect you have on bots, young Cody. I believe you can soften even the hardest of sparks. If you are willing to put forth the effort, then there is a chance that you maybe able to help Buzzsaw.”

Chief Burns crossed his arms. “Will he be dangerous in any way?”

Optimus turned to the copter bot still treating the avian. “Blades. Can you disable his weapons systems and battle protocols?”

“Already did.” The young bot sounded distracted. “I disconnected his turbines and anti-gravs too, so he won’t be able to fly. Though I don’t recommend keeping that second part a thing for long. He’s a avian, he needs flight as much as any other flyer.”

Optimus nodded, then turned back to the oldest human. “With those measures in place, I believe that he will be a minimal threat. If he turns out to be a greater risk than you are willing to take, you can always call me.”

Chief Burns considered it, then nodded. “Alright. He can stay. It’s only right to give him the chance.”

Kade frowned. “Is that really so smart? Optimus said it himself! He’s one of the bad guys!”

“But how much choice did he have, if he fought the War his Host joined?” Graham asked.

“Does it matter? The ‘Cons still hurt people!”

“Our War is not so black and white, Kade Burns.” Optimus warned.

“So some political policies and social perceptions sucked! That’s bad, but is it really a reason to start a war?” Kade demanded.

“The Senate used ritual disfigurement as a punishment.” Blades’s voice carried over, sounding distracted.

All heads snapped to him. Kade gaped, and the other humans looked horrified. Privately, Optimus winced. Perhaps that wasn’t the nicest detail to share, but it was too late now.

“What?” Kade sputtered.

“The Senate were the political rulers of Cybertron. They controlled pretty much everything.” Blades mumbled, still focused mostly on Buzzsaw. “When a bot went against them, even in a minor way, they’d use punishment called empurata that involved surgically removing the bot’s face and hands and replacing them with one large optic and a pair of claws.”

Kade swallowed. “Okay. So it was really, really bad. I guess I was wrong.” he said, sounding too sick to care that he’d just admitted to being wrong.

The other humans also looked horrified. Cody looked like his entire worldview had been shaken.

“Cybertron was not kind to all its children, before the War.” Optimus said quietly. “The Decepticons were more than justified in rising up to fight for their freedom. But they took things too far, and now their original cause has long been lost.”

Chief Burns was the first to recover. “That’s often the case, with wars.”

Optimus nodded solemnly.

“We’ll take care of Buzzsaw.” Cody’s voice carried over. Despite how horrified he’d seemed earlier, now he just looked determined. “We’ll show him there’s good in the world. Maybe he doesn’t want to fight anymore. I want to help him.”

The Prime smiled, them dipped his helm. “And so you shall.” he agreed. “When he wakes, tell him that I am leaving him here. I recommend you tell him that Soundwave is on this planet. If you withhold the information, and manage to befriend him, then he may feel betrayed if he learns you hid the fact from him and return to Soundwave on his own.” he warned.

Cody nodded. “I’ll tell him.”

Optimus hummed. “We cannot set him free at this moment. But if you feel it is right, you may also tell him that his other option is that he will remain a prisoner in the Autobot base, but that in that scenario I will have difficulty guaranteeing his safety.” he warned.

Cody tilted his chin up, clearly displeased. “That won’t happen.”

The large bot chuckled. “I hope you are right, Cody Burns.” he nodded at the other humans, flaring his field in a good-bye to the Rescue Bots, and then he was folding into his alt-mode and driving out through the tunnels. He’d get the mainland and call for a ground bridge from there.

He truly hoped Buzzsaw could find happiness. Primus knew the Cassette had earned it.

——————————

Awareness came to him slowly. At first, Buzzsaw was confused. He was fairly certain he’d slipped into emergency stasis. He hadn’t onlined his optics yet, but the messages blinking across his HUD didn’t help his confusion.

Fuel Level: 37%

Warning: Low energon

Movement not recommended

Energy Level: 12%

Warning: Energy rerouted to essential systems

Cause of Energy Drain: Starvation and damage

Recovery time necessary

Internal Communication System: Disabled

Sensor Array: Offline

External Spacial Sensors: Online

Transformation Cog: Offline

Weapons Systems: Disabled

Battle Protocols: Disabled

Self-Repair: Online

Fuel System: Online

Wing Turbines: Disabled

Anti-Gravs: Disabled

Warning: Unknown medical access to internal systems detected

Warning: Unauthorized medical access to combat systems and flight capabilities detected

Self Diagnostic Report: Severe damage and starvation

Low Fuel: Addressed

Armor Integrity: 49%

Fuel Pump: Functional

Fuel Tanks: Shrunken, functional

Intake: Minor rust detected, addressed

Fuel Lines: Damaged, patched

Wires: Damaged, patched

Conclusion: Frame in need of full recovery

Rest recommended

Strenuous activity not recommended

Warning: Presence of unknown Cybertronian and unknown organic life forms detected in proximity.

Well. That last warning certainly warranted some degree of alarm. Red optics snapped online and the avian lifted his helm. His gaze immediately found the aforementioned Cybertronian. It was a small orange and white copter bot, and immediately clear was the Autobot insignia on his chest. For a moment, Buzzsaw tense, his vocalizer releasing a sound halfway between a screech and a growl. He made to stand, to fight off the perceived threat, when the bot pressed him down with a hand between his wings.

“Easy, easy. You’re okay.” He soothed. “My name is Blades, of Rescue Team Sigma-17. You’re on a planet called Earth. My team and I just want to help you.”

His words made Buzzsaw pause and take another look. Huh. That was right. The badge on his chest wasn’t the Autobrand after all. But how? He was fairly certain that Megatron had destroyed the Rescue Force and killed all its Teams. How had this lone team survived? He cocked his head sharply, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“You’re Buzzsaw, right? Optimus Prime was here earlier. He told us about you.”

Well. There went his hopes of his Decepticon status going unknown. And the Prime was here, on this planet? That meant Megatron was doubtless here as well. But who else was?

Blades shifted under his gaze, then sighed. “Just stay still, okay? I patched up what I could. Now your self-repair needs to handle the rest. You need to rest if you want to recover.” He made to leave, then paused. “Also, Optimus told us to tell you your options. You’re on an island called Griffin Rock. You can stay here and stay out of the War, or he can return and keep you prisoner in his base. He said if you go with the second option he’d have a difficult time guaranteeing your safety.” Buzzsaw could see that the small mech was clearly uncomfortable with that last series of statements. He didn’t seem fond of the idea of violence or what amounted to keeping someone against their will.

After another beat, the bot nodded at someone else in the room. Buzzsaw snapped his helm in that direction and saw a small organic. He heard Blades leave, and then the organic was looking up at him. The small creature beamed, and them he was climbing up onto the crate that the avian found himself confined to.

“Hi! I’m the one who found you. My name is Cody.”

Buzzsaw stared, optics narrowed.

“I’m sorry about your choices here, I know they aren’t the best. Optimus doesn’t want you going back to Soundwave though.”

That made him freeze and perk up. Soundwave was on this planet too? A part of him was excited and wanted to seek out his Host. He remembered the kindness, the affection, the gentle treatment. He remembered the safety and security that had come from being bound to the spymaster.

He also remembered the abandonment. Remembered the years of fear and pain and hunger that had followed. Remembered the loss and betrayal, the desperation that his Host would return only to be forced to come to terms with the fact he’d been cast aside.

Buzzsaw clacked his beak, then looked away and forced down the sad coo that wanted to escape him. He felt something on his armor, and looked over to see the organic–Cody–pressing a small, soft hand to the plating of his neck.

“He left you, didn’t he? Optimus told us a little bit about Hosts and Cassettes, and about Centauri-12. You got like this because your Host left you.”

Buzzsaw stared, not knowing how to respond. A part of him, the part that was vicious and angry, wanted to rip off the organic’s limb. The larger part of him was just tired, though. After a long moment of staring, the avian sagged, optics dimming. What was the harm in telling this organic anyway? It wasn’t like he was really a Decepticon anymore. Not really. It also wasn’t like Cody would be able to cause him much harm, anyway.

He nodded, his beak clacking and his wings rustling as he let out a gust of air from his vents. That hand hadn’t left his neck, and it moved to stroke up and down the plating.

“I’m sorry.” Cody said softly. “No one deserves to be abandoned by their family.”

Buzzsaw stared for a moment. The organic had said they’d only been told a little bit about Hosts and Cassettes, yet it seemed he already understood the bond was fairly deep. Either he’d been told more than he let on, or he was just very perceptive. Either way, a part of Buzzsaw couldn’t help but be grateful for the understanding.

He knew he should be lashing out and trying to fight. But what was the point? His weapons systems and battle protocols were disabled, he couldn’t fly, he couldn’t walk, and his fuel levels were too low for him to have the energy to do anything significant. Even without all that, he was just tired of fighting. True, he’d always enjoyed a good, honest fight, but he’d only ever used his more excessive forms of violence because that was what had been demanded of him. He’d had to be violent to survive the wilds before Soundwave, and after he’d had to be violent to fight for his new Host. But he hadn’t wanted life as a fighter, as a soldier. And now, confronted with everything he’d learned, and the last few years of his abandonment…he was tired. He didn’t want to fight this organic. He just wanted rest. He could figure out everything else later.

Besides, the gentle contact didn’t feel so bad. It wasn’t heavy enough to hurt, and it was more reminiscent of the preening he’d used to do with his sister. His optics dimmed, and he let his head come to lay on the crate. Cody didn’t seem offended at his lack of responsiveness. Instead, he felt that small hand move up to stroke over the top of his helm.

“Get some rest, Buzzsaw. I’ll be here when you wake up. I want to help you get better.” the small organic murmured.

Buzzsaw didn’t know what to do with that sentiment. A part of him scoffed at the weakness of it. The other part was too tired and beaten down to care. He released another heavy vent of air, and let his optics slip offline. Moments later, he was slipping into recharge, even the brief moment of consciousness having drained what little energy he had.

——————————

Cody was indeed there when he woke up. It was only for a few moments though, because then the organic had to go to school. Apparently, this planet also has educational institutions. Buzzsaw didn’t have much of an opinion on that. While he was gone, the rest of the Rescue Bots introduced themselves, as did their own organic partners, and he was informed that the organics were called “humans”. Again, Buzzsaw didn’t particularly care. It was useful information, he supposed.

The others left him to himself throughout the day, except for the brief moment when Blades came to remove the energon line feeding fuel into his frame and replace it with a small cube of energon that was set in front of him. After that, he was left alone. Perhaps they sensed his mood, perhaps they were busy, perhaps they didn’t want to talk to him. He didn’t particularly care. It did give him time to think on his situation, though. Obviously, they wouldn’t let him go free. Even if he did promise to not return to Soundwave, he knew he would have difficulty hiding here. Since, apparently, it was very important that the human race didn’t learn about the Cybertronian presence on their planet. One would think they’d have figured it out when the alien war came to earth, but he wouldn’t question it. Still, it meant he couldn’t just be let loose on his own.

He also refused to be an Autobot prisoner. As for returning to his Host…he was torn. A part of him wanted to. But the larger part of him was still hurt. And after his distance from the Decepticons…he wasn’t sure he wanted to return to the faction itself. Pits, he didn’t even have his brand anymore. He’d come across a Neutral medic sometime after Centauri-12, and he’d offered up his services to locate energon in return for the medic’s services to remove the brand. It had been a thin sheet of metal painted purple and welded to his chest, so it had required the aid of a medic to remove without damaging his armor. But it had been done, and then they’d gone their separate ways. He hadn’t worn the Decepticon badge in years.

So where did that leave him? He couldn’t escape in his state, but even when he recovered, what then? What was there for him on this little island? What was there for him on this planet itself? Would it be worth staying?

He must have drifted into recharge at some point, because he was startled awake by Cody’s loud greeting to the others. He jerked, optics flashing on as he lifted his helm. The human blinked when he came around the corner, then smiled.

“Buzzsaw! You’re up!” he called out. He walked over, pulling himself up onto the crate beside the avian. “So, I had an idea! Blades told me you don’t have to be hooked up to anything anymore, and I noticed how your armor seems pretty dirty, so I was wondering if you’d like to get clean?”

Buzzsaw blinked at him. The human gestured to the corner, and he looked over to see a large tub and a bucket that hadn’t been there before. There were rags in the bucket.

“Boulder offered to help. I figured you might feel better if you can get the grime off?” He offered.

He stared for a moment, and then he dipped his head in a nod.

Cody grinned. “Great! I’ll get Boulder. I have to change clothes really quick.”

Buzzsaw cocked his head sharply at that. Clothes?

Cody interpreted the curious gesture for what it was. “Clothes are what humans wear!” he plucked at the colorful things clinging to his frame. “We don’t have metal armor like you guys, and we don’t need it, but we wear clothes to cover ourselves because it’s not considered decent to go without them.” He tapped his chin. “Chase once told me it would be like if a Cybertronian went around without any armor at all.”

Buzzsaw jerked his head back, optics shuttering. Ah. That, he understood. So human had their own version of a protoform underneath their clothing. He did not want to see a fully bare fleshy protoform, thank you very much. He lowered his helm, bumping his beak into Cody’s back to encourage him to go. The boy laughed, then jumped off the crate and trotted away.

A moment later, Boulder came around and smiled at him. “Hey, Buzzsaw. Cody said you accepted our offer to help you clean?” He nodded at the tub. “Is it okay if I carry you there? You shouldn’t be putting weight on your leg.”

Buzzsaw grumbled, but after a moment he nodded. He didn’t exactly want to be carried like a helpless sparkling, but he couldn’t get there on his own. Not in his state. Boulder paid no mind to his grumbles, and instead stepped forward to slip a large hand underneath his frame. The avian was lifted up, then carefully cradled in gentle hands. He was brought to the tub, then lowered into the liquid that filled it. He cooed in pleasure upon realizing it was warm, frame relaxing every so slightly.

Cody chose that moment to return, his lower half covered in something very colorful and the rest of his form bare. He climbed into the tub with Buzzsaw, then dragged the bucket in after himself. On the outside of the tub, Boulder grabbed a larger rag and dipped it into the liquid in the tub.

“Is the water okay? Not too hot?” Cody asked.

Oh, right. This was water. He recognized it now. Other planets had it too. He nodded, watching the Rescue Bot soak the rag in the warm water and hold it out towards him.

“Boulder is going to take care of your armor, and I thought I’d use my smaller size to get in between everything and get all the dust and muck out from your armor seams?” Cody suggested.

Buzzsaw stared for a long moment. That was…rather intimate. But he also hadn’t been able to have such an in depth cleaning since before Centauri-12. He could feel the dirt and grim in between and underneath his armor plates. Even if he didn’t trust these people, he did trust they wouldn’t hurt him. They’d have done so already if they were going to hurt him at all. He could bear some rather intimate grooming if it meant getting clean. He nodded.

Cody beamed, and then Buzzsaw felt the gentle pressure of Boulder wiping off the surface of his armor. While the bot worked at that, Cody chose a rag from the bucket that Buzzsaw now saw was full of cleaning cloths and brushes. The human soaked it in the water, then lifted it and started wiping it along the edges of his armor plates. The avian let himself relax into the warmth of the water, optics slipping offline. He didn’t know what to make of his situation, and he wasn’t sure he liked being forced to stay, but for now he’d enjoy the moment of comfort.

He didn’t realize when he slipped into a state of half-recharge. He was barely aware as the bath finished, and then Boulder transferred him to a large towel which was used to dry him off. Cody went to get blankets while Boulder did so, using the soft fabrics to make a comfier “nest” on the crate that Buzzsaw was returned to a moment later. The avian cooed as he was set into the soft nest, optics offlining fully as he rested his head in the fabrics.

Clean, warm, and comfortable for the first time in years, it didn’t take him long to slip into the most peaceful rest he’d had since he’d lost his flock.

——————————

A few days passed in much the same pattern. Cody would go to school, Buzzsaw would be left alone, and then the boy would return and spend the rest of the day talking with him. The avian never responded, content to listen and learn all he could about this world and the species that dominated it. Things fell into a routine, and he came to be comfortable in it. He even stopped minding the way Cody would touch him and stroke his plating as he talked.

And then the routine changed. Cody came to him after school one day and told him he wanted to have a “movie night”. Apparently, he believed that showing Buzzsaw human entertainment would be a good way for the Cassette to learn about human culture. The avian made no protest. Cody talked to him for the afternoon, then went to have his nightly meal with his family. After that though, he returned for the “movie night”, enlisting the aid of Boulder to move Buzzsaw’s crate in front of a large vid screen.

Cody then joined him on top of the crate, settling into the nest of blankets and wrapping himself in one of his own. He was dressed in clothing that he informed Buzzsaw was called “pajamas”. Then, the movie started and the avian let himself be distracted story unfolding on the screen.

The movie was about two humans under a curse, one who turned into a creature called a wolf by the day and the other who turned into a hawk by night. It was a fairly simple story, and while Buzzsaw certainly found some of the attitudes of the characters to be irritatingly soft he could understand the appeal. He might even say he enjoyed the movie. It was fun. Maybe human entertainment wasn’t as bad as he thought.

And then Cody put on a movie that he said was “animated”, and Buzzsaw was very quickly insulted. The movie was about living cars, except they had no other form to transform into. The main character was a cocky, irritating fool, the tow-truck was the most annoying creature he’d ever been forced to watch, and the mentor was a smug, pompous aft. Buzzsaw hated every character in the movie. If that wasn’t enough, even the setting was insulting.

“What the frag.” he hissed. “How is this garbage supposed to be entertaining? There’s no way those insufferable creatures would have successfully built a civilization. They lack any appendages that would allow them to hold, build, or invent anything. Temporary gripping attachments don’t count, those lack dexterity. Primus, those things would have all died out within the first few generations of their species existence. They certainly should have.”

The movie was paused, and Buzzsaw turned his help to Cody to find the reason. He saw the human grinning brightly, looking thrilled. His plating bristled, and he narrowed his optics.

“What.” he snapped.

“You finally talked.” Cody was beaming.

Buzzsaw shuttered his optics, tilting his helm. Ah. So he had. “Did you think I couldn’t?” he demanded.

“No.” Cody shook his head, smiling. “I knew you could. I didn’t want to push to make you talk to me before you were ready though.”

The avian paused, staring uncomprehendingly. That meant that Cody hadn’t actually thought of him as a simple minded beast. He’d known Buzzsaw was more than that. And he hadn’t tried to force his will on him to make him speak before he wanted to. He had been content to wait. Seemingly as long as he needed to, if Buzzsaw understood the subtext of this conversation correctly.

“Why?” he asked wearily.

“You deserve to be treated with respect.” Cody said seriously. “Just because you look like a bird and don’t have a vehicle mode doesn’t mean you aren’t deserving of being treated like an individual with your own thoughts and feelings. It would have been wrong to push my own wants on you. I want to help you get better. That means going at your pace.”

Buzzsaw twitched. “Many Cybertronians would not agree with you. They would argue I am little more than a beast and thus deserve to be treated as one.” he paused. “My pace?”

“Then it’s a good thing we aren’t on Cybertron, isn’t it?” Cody pointed out. “And yeah. Your pace. I want to help you recover from the things you’ve experienced and discover your own path, discover the things you want to do and the life you want to live. But I know that sort of recovery won’t be immediate, and it may not even be as fast as I want it to be. But that doesn’t matter, because it’s your recovery, not mine. So we go at your pace.”

Buzzsaw stared at the organic for a long moment. “…I don’t understand you.” he said.

Cody smiled. “That’s alright. As long as you understand I want to help.”

He stared for a beat longer, then grumbled and turned back to the movie. He needed to process this. Cody seemed to understand he was done talking, because the infernal movie started up again. Buzzsaw wasn’t paying attention, though. Instead, he was lost in thought, turning over the things he’d learned.

He didn’t notice as the movie ended, and another one started. He did feel it, however, when halfway through the next move is a slight weight settled against his side. He looked down to see Cody had fallen into his own recharge and had slumped against Buzzsaw’s side in the process. The avian didn’t move to wake him. He stared at the slumbering human for a long beat, then heaved a sigh and lowered his helm to rest it on the lip of his makeshift nest. He refocused his optics on the bid screen, paying half attention to the new movie playing. It was something about singing cats. Buzzsaw wouldn’t pretend to understand.

He relaxed, Cody’s warmth curled against his side, and his optics dimming slowly as recharge crept up on him. By the time the movie ended, it had claimed him completely, and he and his odd little companion both slept on peacefully as the credits rolled.

Neither of them woke as Chief Burns came down to retrieve Cody. He paused when he saw the scene, and he turned off the TV, dimmed the lights, and left the sleeping pair to their rest.

As Buzzsaw slept on, his hardened spark cracked just a little. Maybe there was hope for him after all.

——————————

Buzzsaw was watching Cody. He did that a lot as of late. The little human still talked to him a lot, though the avian didn’t always talk back. Most of the time he was content to listen. In the past few days, he’d learned a lot about the odd little organic. In that time, his legs had also fully healed, and his nest had been moved to the floor and tucked into a corner of the bunker so he could maneuver on his own. His wing was still injured, but even if it wasn’t his turbines and anti-gravs were still disabled.

Right now, Cody was quiet. The boy was sitting on a box a bit away from his nest, working one something he’d called “homework”. Judging by the frustrated expression he wore, he was having some degree of difficulty. His curiosity piqued, Buzzsaw stood and stepped out of his nest, walking over to see what the human was working on. He sidled up behind him, tilting his helm to peer over his shoulder.

Oh. It was math. Buzzsaw could work with this.

“You’re missing a two.” he grunted.

Cody paused. “What?” he asked, turning to look at the again standing over him.

“You’re missing a two.” he repeated. “In the third problem. You’re missing a two. That’s why the first part of your answer isn’t matching up with the second.”

Cody blinked, then turned back and looked over his work. He made a noise of triumph, perking up and correcting his work. Then he returned his attention to the Cassette.

“Thanks, Buzzsaw!”

He only grunted, helm cocking sharply.

Cody smiled, used to his non-verbal communication by now.

“So you know some math?” he asked.

“Sure.” he Buzzsaw grunted, folding his legs and settling down. “Laserbeak and I never received a formal education; Cassettes weren’t allowed to. But Soundwave taught us some things after he bound us to him. He wanted us to have a greater knowledge of a variety of fields.”

“Laserbeak? Is that another Cassette?”

“Yes.” Buzzsaw paused, his optics dimming. “My sister. My twin, actually.”

Cody sat up, eyes wide. “You guys can have siblings?”

“Yes. It’s a rare occurrence, but it happens. Though Soundwave did have another set of Cassette twins besides us, too.”

The human stared, then seemed to realize something. “She’s…gone, isn’t she?”

“No.” he huffed. “If she was, I would have felt her loss in my spark. But she left me when Soundwave did. I cannot entirely blame her. If he told her to leave, she would have had to obey. Still, it does sting.” Buzzsaw admitted, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice.

“I’m sorry.”

And Buzzsaw didn’t understand, but the human did seem genuinely upset on his behalf. He sighed, shaking his helm to get rid of the memories.

“It’s whatever.” he grunted. “It happened. I can’t change it. Gotta live with it.”

“You miss her.”

Buzzsaw froze, his optics snapping on to the human. He stared, then couldn’t stop himself from slumping. “I so. I miss all of them. Primus help me, but I really do miss them.” he hissed, hating himself for it.

Cody put a hand on his chest. “I’m sorry they left you. You didn’t deserve it.”

He went still, then jerked his gaze away and focused on the paper. “Yeah. I suppose. But you have work to finish, don’t you? I can help.”

He seemed to understand that the avian was done with that topic of conversation, because the human dropped his hand and nodded, returning his own attention to the paper. “Sure. Thanks!”

Buzzsaw scoffed. “Don’t thank me yet. Now, let me see those problems. Tell me how you think you need to solve them, I’ll say something if your approach needs an adjustment.”

——————————

Buzzsaw was alone when he woke up. That struck him as odd, especially since his chronometer cheerfully blinked up on his HUD to inform him that it was only midday. He’d checked twice. He dismissed the notice with a grumble, hopping out of his nest and wandering around the bunker. His wings were folded away, the damaged one finally having fully healed the day before. It was a relief to be able to relax it fully now.

He looked around, sending out a ping of his sensors, and picked up the signals of the Rescue Bots above him. He walked over to the large pad they used as an elevator, tapping the console with his beak and letting the platform lift him up. As soon as it stopped, he was walking out of the open doors of the building he’d been informed was called a “firehouse”. He picked up on some unidentifiable noises, following them to what ended up being a court for some sort of ball game. The Burns family and the Rescue Bots were all playing. After a moment of observation, Buzzsaw realized the objective of the game was to get the small ball into the small hoop that the opposite team was guarding. It reminded him just a little bit of Cube.

He made his way over to where a bench was sitting to the side of the court, hopping up onto it. It was just low enough he could manage that much without his wings. Then he turned his attention back to the game, watching curiously as the ball was tossed around. After a few minutes, a stray toss sent it in his direction. Buzzsaw tilted his helm up, catching the ball on the tip of his beak and bouncing it once, then he tipped his head, letting it roll to the top of his beak before he tossed his head to send the ball back towards the others.

Blades caught it, smiling when he saw the avian. “Good morning, Buzzsaw.” He greeted.

The Cassette nodded, turning his attention to Cody as the boy padded up to him.

“You’re awake!” he smiled. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I didn’t expect you to wake up so soon from your nap.”

“It’s fine.” Buzzsaw dismissed. “What are you playing?”

“Burns Ball! It’s version of a popular earth game we adapted for our own rules!” Cody said brightly. “Do you want to play a game?”

“My legs aren’t as efficient as all of yours and I can’t use my talons to grip when I’m on them.” he answered dryly.

Cody frowned, considering. “What if you could fly?”

“Is that really a good idea?” Kade interrupted.

Cody shrugged, then turned back to the avian. “Are you going to leave if we give you back your flight?”

“Where would I go?” Buzzsaw scoffed. “I refuse to return to the Decepticons, and I’d sooner eat my own thrusters than join the Autobots.”

Cody blinked, then beamed. It as clear he understood what Buzzsaw was really saying. It made him want to groan. He was getting soft. When had he gotten so easy to read? And by a tiny organic, no less.

“You won’t leave.” he translated. Then he turned to Blades. “Can you do it?” he asked hopefully.

Blades hummed, already walking over. “Are you sure?

“I’m sure.” Cody confirmed.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Buzzsaw offered in a low drawl. “Cody wanted to fix me, so now he’s stuck with me.”

Blades and Cody both giggled, but then copter bot got to work. The Cassette didn’t move as his turbines and anti-gravs were reconnected with his main flight system, and then Blades was stepping back.

Buzzsaw stood, wings spreading fully. He crouched, then leapt up and activated his turbines. They roared to life, his anti-gravs clicking on, and he let out a victorious shriek as he flew in a wide circle around the ball court. After another few circles and dives, he glided down to land next to Cody.

“So.” he hummed. “How about a ride?”

Cody jerked in surprise, and grinned. “Seriously?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I lack hands. I have no way of holding on to the ball, and my talons and beak would pop it.” he sniffed. “You’d be doing me a favor, honestly.

“Noble!” Cody breathed.

Buzzsaw had learned what Cody meant with that odd phrase in the last few weeks. He lowered his helm and bent his legs, letting the human clamber in to his back. He had a set of thrusters lower down on his back, but unlike Seekers, Jets, or Shuttles his only served the purpose of granting him a speed boost in the air. He didn’t actually need them to get airborne.

Once Cody was seated securely at the base of his neck, Buzzsaw straightened and took to the air. He circled the court, and with a toss of the ball, the game began.

——————————

The rescue missions weren’t unusual. At least a couple times a week, something happened on the island that required the whole team to mobilize. Most of the time though, it was simple. An earth cat stuck in a tree, a lost hiker, a damaged traffic light. The type of thing that only required one or two of the Rescue Bots to handle. Today, it seemed, would not be one of those times.

It had started out peacefully. The Rescue Bots had been out of the bunker, taking care of various things around the island. Boulder was on a “nature walk” with Blades and their partners. Heatwave was with Kade at the school teaching a fire safety class. Chase and his partner were out on a patrol. Cody had remained behind, and he and Buzzsaw were seated on the couch of the lounge watching what the human had called “cable TV”. Buzzsaw didn’t get the point.

Then the program they’d been watching had been taken over by a news report. There was a massive landslide in the mountain that was threatening to bury the whole town. Immediately, the rescue alarm sounded and Cody was racing to the command center. Buzzsaw stayed where he was, as he usually did when an emergency occurred. On the screen, he watched the chaos unfold. Thankfully, the human reporter was there with his camera to record everything.

It didn’t take long for the Rescue Bots to get to the site. It seemed to be progressing well, from what the again observed. Then Blades flew too low, and a stray rock took out his tail rotor. He was forced to land, and the team lost their aerial view. Blades could still help the team on the ground, but without proper “eyes in the sky” as Cody had called it, they would doubtless miss things.

Buzzsaw didn’t really think before he hopped off the couch. He flew to the lift, tapping the console that raised it, and as soon as he had space he was flying up and out of the firehouse. He flew around to where he knew the command center was, noting that the main window was open. Good. He landed on the ledge, optics locking on the screens Cody was viewing. Yes, things were definitely going badly.

“Just hang on, everyone! I’ve called Optimus, he said he’ll be here as soon as he can!”

“Yo don’t need Prime. You need an aerial view. That’s why you’re missing things.”

Cody whirled around. “Buzzsaw!” he cried out. “That’s not possible. Blades is down and there’s no way he can fly with his tail rotor damaged.”

“I know.” the avian straightened. “I’ll go.”

Cody froze. “Buzzsaw, are you sure?”

Before the Cassette could respond, the comm. burst to life. Clearly the others had heard their discussion.

“There’s no time to debate this! Lives are at stake! Cody, do you trust Buzzsaw?” Chief Burns demanded.

“Yeah, Dad. I do.”

“Then give him a communicator and send him out here. He’s right. We need eyes in the sky.”

Cody looked up at him, then nodded. He dug around a drawer, then walked over to Buzzsaw with a comm. unit in hand. He let it magnetize itself to the side of the avian’s helm, and quickly returned to the command console. Buzzsaw would definitely need the comm. His internal comm. system was still disabled. He didn’t say anything to the human, and instead turned and took to the skies.

It didn’t take him long to reach the disaster site. Immediately, he could see where he was needed.

“Heatwave, around the corner from you there’s a boulder baring down on a human couple.” he said sharply.

The firetruck replied with an acknowledgment and went to take care of it. Buzzsaw didn’t pay any mind. He was already focusing on the next issue that needed addressing.

“Boulder, mud and stone are about to take out those houses behind you.”

The bulldozer quickly went to take care of it, digging a trench in front of the houses to keep them from being hit. Buzzsaw moved on.

“Chase, down the mountain from you there’s a human youngling trying to outrun the landslide.”

The police car was quick to move and save the child. Buzzsaw didn’t pay much more attention after that. He couldn’t afford to. He needed all his focus on finding the smaller emergencies within the larger landslide before they could happen. Cody trusted him. He was the first in many years to do so. Buzzsaw refused to let him down.

The boy had earned his loyalty, though damn him if he didn’t know when. He didn’t intend to disappoint the one who had so much faith that he could be more than what he had been. Failure here wasn’t an option.

It never was.

——————————

By the end of the whole ordeal, Buzzsaw was reeling. He’d been part of a team again, even if only temporarily. It had been…nice. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it. But now the job was done, and he was on his way back to the firehouse. The others had remained behind to do cleanup work, and apparently Chief Burns would also need to explain his presence to the political leader of the town with an excuse.

He made his way back to the firehouse, his processor starting to calm after the excitement. As he neared, his sensors picked a Cybertronian signal in the courtyard where the basketball court was. It only took a moment to realize who it was. Cody had called in the Prime for help, but that help was no longer needed. That didn’t mean the message had gotten to Prime in time, though.

Sure enough, when the firehouse came into view Buzzzsaw saw Optimus Prime standing in the courtyard. Cody was at his pedes. The avian flew down, alighting on the back of the hoop in front of the larger bot. He would ordinarily have landed next to Cody, but he’d spent too long seeing the Prime as an enemy to put himself on the ground in front of the large mech.

“Buzzsaw.” Prime greeted. “I was told you provided aid to the Rescue Bots.”

Buzzsaw didn’t say anything.

“Tell me, what would you do if you were able to leave?”

“I can.” he snapped. “I’ve got flight. I’ve had it for a while.”

Prime’s lips twitched. “So you have.” he agreed. “Then what are your intentions?”

“Cody decided to get into my business. As far as I’m concerned, he’s stuck with me now, whether he likes it or not.” he scoffed.

Prime’s lips twitched again. Clearly, he had been able to read between the lines to understand what Buzzsaw was saying.

“In that case,” he rumbled. “How would you like to join the Rescue Bots here on Griffin Rock?”

Buzzsaw shuttered his optics. “What.” he deadpanned.

“Would you like to become a Rescue Bot, Buzzsaw?”

“I don’t believe that’s up to me, Prime.” he pointed out. “Or you, for that matter. You don’t lead the team.” he sneered.

“Oh, for Primus’s sake.” Heatwave’s voice came over the comm.

Oh. That was right. Buzzsaw was still hooked into the team’s communications system. The Prime must have opened the previously silent comm. line to Heatewve for at least part of the conversation.

“Choose for yourself, Buzzsaw.” Heatwave continued. “If you want to, we’ll all be happy to have you. You proved to be a good teammate today. No one will have a problem with it. Pit, I’m the one who told Optimus to make the offer before you got there.” Then the comm. clicked off.

“Oh.” Buzzsaw said.

“Indeed.” Prime seemed amused, the fragger. Buzzsaw hoped he got slagged. “What Will it be, then?”

The avian cocked his head sharply. “Ugh.” he made a noise of disgust. “You know what? Fine. The soft idiots need all the help they can get.”

Prime chuckled, then lifted his hand. The armor in his palm shifted, and then a laser was shooting out and hitting Buzzsaw’s chest. There was no pain from it, and he watched as the Rescue Bot badge was put on his armor. The laser stopped, and the Cassette spent a moment staring at the new mark emblazoned on his chestplate.

He looked up when he heard Prime move. “I must leave now, I’m afraid. I am needed elsewhere.” the mech said, inclining his head towards them. Then he walked to the road, folded into his alt-mode, and drove off.

Buzzsaw stared after him, and after a moment he fluttered down to land next to Cody. The human smiled up at him, then lowered his gaze to the new badge on his chest. He lifted a hand to press it over the black lines, looking pleased.

“You’re sure?” he said softly.

Buzzsaw scoffed. “I wouldn’t have agreed if I wasn’t sure. Like I told Prime. You made the decision to get involved with me, so now you’re stuck with me. I’m not leaving, no matter how much you want me to.” he said, his sneer lacking all its usual bite. He paused. “Besides,” he continued, his voice just a notch softer. “You really aren’t all that bad.”

Cody blinked once, then beamed.

Buzzsaw had to look away, feeling almost embarrassed. He hadn’t dared to hope for so many years, but it seemed Primus had deigned to show him kindness after all.

He’d finally found a new roost.

———————————————————————————————————

Well. That’s done! That was long. It took me multiple days to write. But! It’s done!

I had fun with it. Buzzsaw is a grumpy asshole and Cody is very indulgent of his dramatics. And yes, I made him capable of speech. I know he and the Laserbeak can talk in the comics, so.

Also, please excuse my liberal use of headcanons for some of this. Anyway. I hope y’all liked it! I’m sorry it took so long to get out.

Until next time, folks!

[writer-panda]

Hit on the groom and what became of it - chapter 1/I will keep missing you (if you don’t stop running)

Disclaimer: I don’t own DC or Miraculous. I’m just playing with some crazy concept. 

Chapter 1 (here)  -|-  Next

-------------

Ladybug landed on top of the Eiffel tower with practiced grace. An agitated worry roiling in her chest about the message Chat Noir left her. The urgency was one thing, but he sounded… pained. Like the weight of the world dragged him down type pain. 

Marinette knew Chat’s home life wasn’t perfect. Skilled at hiding it, maybe, but details leaked through the cracks. An offhand comment here, a muttered accusation there, a sour face yet again here. He lived in pain and tried so hard to work through it. 

She tried to help him whenever she could, both as Ladybug and Marinette. She may not return his feelings, but she always listened. For months during their third year as heroes, she left food on the rooftop when Chat’s suit revealed too many ribs. She wasn’t sure the reason and didn’t dare to ask, lest she learned too much, but she did try to help. There were times she thought she imagined the pained looks, and thin frame, and thinly veiled comments; maybe overexaggerating the situation in her mind, as she often did. After all, he always acted so cheerfully.

Then, Lila happened. 

The first strike landed swift, almost deadly, but she survived. It was what followed that made her reconsider. A prolonged fight, where Marinette chose to retain a cheerful mask to hide the pain. Along the line, she considered confiding in her parents. But what could they do?  Maybe take her from school, but that would mean Lila already won; the Liar would rule unopposed.

Which left Adrien, her last bastion of friendship. 

She still harbored a bit of a crush on him, but it was justified! Like a knight in shining armor, he stood, always ready to defend her. He always ensured her inclusion in class activities and saved her from several catastrophes. 

She still stumbled over her words with him, but when it’s minor stuttering or not talking to anyone, she forced herself to adapt. It was nowhere near as bad as it used to be. 

With the ability to spend more time with Adrien without acting like a spaz, Kagami also appeared more often, and proved to be a good friend. Marinette found a home with the two awkward rich kids ridiculously clueless and unaware of how the real world functioned. In the end, she even grew to accept Adrien might not be destined to be hers but chose to support him nonetheless. 

“My lady?” She was broken out of her musing by a familiar voice.

“Hello, Kitty-cat. I got your message… what’s wrong?” She turned to see Cat Noir slumped over the railing, with his ears tweaking nervously. She didn’t even know he could do it. 

“I… I’m sorry my Lady, but I can’t… I can’t continue to be your partner,” he declared.

“What?!” she squeaked. “What happened? What’s the matter?” 

“I’m… I’m getting married,” he announced, his ears drooping and tail tucked between his legs.  

Oh, that’s… not what she expected to hear. “Married? Congrat…” she drifted off, noticing his sour face. “Chat? What are you not telling me?”

“It’s… I… My…” He struggled to figure out how to say it, but ultimately remained silent for a moment. “There is nothing to be happy about. It’s a… business marriage,” he spat, his eyes narrowing.  

“But… those are illegal!” Ladybug protested.

“Not when you make it look like a love match. Especially if you insinuate at a scandal.” He sneered, jumping off the railing and pacing along the empty rooftop. “My father holds all the cards and I… I’m in no position to oppose him.”

“I’m sure we can…”

He sighed, walking over to her. “Please… M’lady. Don’t try to give me hope. I accepted what I must do.” With that, he reached for the ring, but she stopped him.

“Chat. We can try… You’re my friend. You can’t… We will figure it out. Together.” In all they’d endured, suffered, and triumphed - Marinette had never seen him this despondent… this broken. 

He sighed, his eyes flat and dull. “There is nothing to figure out,” he said, forcing the ring off his finger. 

The transformation fell, leaving Adrien Agreste materialized in place of her long-time partner. Plagg’s sharp cry cut off, as he’s sucked into the ring the second he popped out of it. She stood there, too stunned to notice the blond boy pushed the ring into her palm and closed it. 

Marinette wasn’t sure what thoughts decided to rampantly rage through her head, but the train of thoughts probably broke the collective speed limit everywhere in the world at the same time. 

“M’lady?” Adrien’s soft voice brought her to earth when she was one step from panic.

“A-Adrien?” She choked on the word.

“You heard about me?” He looked dumbfounded. Ladybug, too shocked to say a word, gestured over to the building line. Even from so high and far away, his most recent billboard advertisement stood visible. “Ah… right.”

“Who… who’s the lucky girl?” Inside her mind, she wondered if Kagami right now faced a  similar problem. It was the most logical…

“Lila Rossi,” Adrien admitted, his shoulders hunching. 

Marinette.exe stopped working. 

A moment passed.

Another.

“Um… M’Lady?” The boy tried to prod his ex-partner to respond by waving his hand in front of her face.

“That… that lying…” Ladybug saw red. This could not be happening.

Adrien nodded, the despondent look on his face growing worse every second.“My father deemed her a suitable heiress to the Gabriel brand… I tried to warn him she was a liar, but he… I think he actually admires her skill…” Tears built in his eyes, and Adrien covertly tried to wipe them away. 

“Maybe… maybe you could… I don’t know!” she screamed in frustration. Marinette had several ideas about what Adrien could do, but none of them would help. 

Running away would be a problem. Leaking the story to the press would lead to his home life growing even worse. After dealing with Gabriel Agreste’s parenting, she held no illusion Adrien could win a court battle. The rich too often got away with whatever they desired. She could try to sicc Uncle Jagged on the case… or maybe Clara Nightingale… Nadia Chamack would probably love the news-breaking story, but it would all put Adrien in danger. Who knows what would happen before they could obtain results or protection against Gabriel’s extensive reach. 

Adrien sighed as if knowing exactly where her thoughts took her. Chat was no dummy, he probably scoured over his options more times than he could count. His resignation, the last resort in a long line of failed plans.  “I appreciate you trying, but I already told you I accepted it. Just… take me down, please. I… I didn’t really plan the location well…” He let out a weak chuckle. 

“Fine… I’m sorry kitty...” She grabbed hold of him and swung to the ground. Despondently she watched her best friend, her partner, walk away into the night; resigned to a life of suffering and isolation. 

There must be something she could do, she thought. She closed a gloved fist around the ring. She was Ladybug, and if she put her mind to it, there was nothing she couldn't do.  

-----------

A week later the press learned about the upcoming wedding. Adrien and Lila both left school for home-school. The press and the general public ate up the news story about star-crossed lovers that met in school and became inseparable. It didn’t help that the class kept commenting about how good they were for each other. 

Marinette resisted an urge to gag whenever she caught the sound of the vicious lies and propaganda.  She was asked for comment only once but chose to refuse. It didn’t earn her any popularity in class. Luckily, she convinced Nadia to stop a nasty side-story about her jealousy from being published. 

No closer to a plan, she despondently continued to push through her life without her friend. She, unsurprisingly, hadn’t received a single text or call. Marinette didn’t blame Adrien; his position couldn’t be easy. A month after Adrien departed from her class, Marinette convinced her parents to also home-school her. Without a single friend, the school became a burden. Of course, her reasoning to her parents leaned into her focus on her fashion business. Which wasn’t untrue. It was starting to pick up. 

The only upside to this whole debacle was near-lack of akuma attacks. It seemed Hawkmoth found a hobby. Maybe he wrote poems? 

Nah. Not his style...

Two months after the announcement  Marinette woke to surprise guests: Adrien, his father, and Lila knocked on the bakery’s doors. The bride-to-be in an especially sour mood, as much as she tried to hide it. Gabriel appeared to be devoid of any emotions, as usual.

She seated them on the couch and asked if they would like a drink. She didn’t bother to offer food, not wanting to waste good cake on the likes of Lila and Gabriel. Although, Adrien’s thin cheeks and haunted eyes made her regret the decision. 

All of them declined the drink.

“Madame Marinette, I assume you have heard of the Wedding?” The capitalization clearly discernible in his voice. 

“Yes… Yes sir!” she corrected herself. Trying desperately to mask her disgust behind a layer of nervousness. She couldn’t risk a glance at Adrien, even if this was the first time she’d seen him since that night on the roof. Making it through the meeting would be hard enough without watching him suffer.  

“While initially, I planned to prepare the dress and suit myself, my son convinced me to give a chance to someone else to shine.” Clearly, whatever it was Adrien said, it didn’t include a polite request. “I have seen the dress you made for Rock Star Jagged Stone’s wedding, as well as the suit worn by Nadia Chamack.”

“They are designs I’m particularly proud of, sir.” 

Play the part. Play the part. Don’t send him to the hospital. Papa and Maman would be disappointed. Well, Maman would probably join me… 

Her homicidal train of thought ended as she forced a smile to appear on her face. Contrary to Lila’s stretched thin lips;  Marinette’s smile shines bright and could’ve been mistaken for genuine.

“Indeed… I’ve come to commission you to design and make the gown and the suit for the sweet couple.” He announced like it was the highest honor, but there was an amount of bile in his words Marinette used to think was reserved only for Nino.

“I… I’m… I’m honored, sir!” She beamed. The excitement only half-forced. Her moral compass told her even entertaining the proposal was wrong, but at the same time, her brain furiously flitted crafting possibilities. 

Gabriel nodded imperiously as if her acceptance merely added to a foregone conclusion. “Good. My assistant, Nathalie, will sort out the details. Lex Luthor agreed to pay for the pieces as his wedding gift, so do not be afraid to ask for full price.” He informed her t as if he believed she would give him a discount. 

For a moment, a singular reckless moment, Marinette entertained the temptation to voice her thoughts about Gabriel being cheap. 

She sighed, no, there would be another day for career suicide. The group rose to leave, and Marinette finally glanced at Adrien; his model-trained smile paper-thin. He caught her eyes, and if he radiated sadness two months ago, it didn’t hold a candle to the devastation swimming in his eyes. The exchange broke when Lila gripped a hand tight around his arm and dragged him to the door. 

Gabriel handed her a card, and the group departed. Marinette collapsed onto the couch, the makings of a headache building in her skull. 

This would be awful.  

------------

A week later Marinette held a separate meeting, consisting of Nathalie, Lila, Lila’s mother, and Adrien’s aunt. And her, obviously. 

She first asked what kind of dress Lila wanted.

Lila’s eyes lit up in an unholy glee; and she started talking. 

And talking. 

And talking. 

And talking. 

After the long and painstakingly thorough description, Marinette felt faint. Several reasons contributed to that, although the most prominent were the materials, the design, and the way she spoke. Obviously Lila had feelings, the kind likely to trigger an oncoming Auma attack if Hawkmoth hadn’t pranced off to who knows where, about Marinette designing her dress. 

Marinette was happy Adrien’s aunt pointed out the request’s complete madness, but Lila’s mother waved it off, quick to declare only minor adjustments to the request would be needed. 

In the end, Marinette presented several dozen designs, both hers and foreign to have a basis on which she could work. Lila, of course, chose the one that would be hardest to make.

“I’m sorry none of your designs were good, Marinette…” The liar cooed with faked sorrow. She hid a smirk the designer could clearly see. 

The notion was born because it was a picture and not a sketch. 

Marinette smirked, and rose from the couch, ignoring Lila’s irritated scowl at her non-reaction.  

She liked it even less when the girl brought in the ready-made dress. 

“I made it as the first design for Penny Rolling’s wedding, based on Uncle Jagged’s suggestions. I should’ve known Penny didn’t approve of his idea, but…” she waved it off.

Lila, now actively glaring at her, sat back on the couch. All of which was mistaken for amazement by the adults.

Marinette ignored the girl’s dramatics, it was the only way she’d survive this meeting intact. “Of course, there still needs to be several adjustments and personalizations. I will also need to order the amber you requested. And the platinum thread. And the white gold. And probably an industrial-grade 3-D printer… Is that covered by the expenses?” She looked at Nathalie, who nodded. “Great! I will need just a moment.” 

The women watched as Marinette practically leaped at her notebook and added in adjustments to the sketch. Fifteen minutes later, when she presented a new design, impressing them all (sans Lila, obviously) with the flowing lines and intricate details. They praised her talent (even Natalie), and Marinette played the bashful young designer role to a tee. The liar kept glaring though. She couldn’t back away easily, since she already made a scene about wanting that specific dress. Marinette informed them beforehand she would need to know about her specific wishes before she made any adjustments. 

The final design looked pretty much exactly what Lila wanted though, but she didn’t want to give her nemesis the satisfaction. Her entourage did enough of this. 

Under the cover of being too emotional, they ended the meeting. Nathalie remained to finish the deal and sign the contract. 

After all of them left, Marinette collapsed onto her chair. An hour later a notification from her bank came. She received the first half of the payment. When finished, the dress would officially be the most expensive wedding dress to date. Blessed be Lex Luthor and his deep pocket. She chuckled, remembering how much the billionaire got kidnapped because of his money.

Then, an idea shined in her head.

Oh. 

Oh...

She took off her earrings and dismissed Tikki, promising she needed a quick chat with Plagg about a new potential holder. When Marinette put on the ring, the Kwami of destruction popped back into existence. 

“So… figured out how to help my chosen?” he asked. 

What Tikki didn’t know was when Marinette said she intended to discuss potential holders for Plagg, they really worked on a way to save Adrien. It was their secret since Tikki would most likely disapprove. They didn’t want to risk her disappointment in them. Not until they crafted a fleshed out full-proof plan. 

She nodded. “I have an idea. Let’s hire someone to kidnap him!” 

Plagg rolled his eyes. “Did they hit you on the head, pigtails?”

“No. But look, the problem is whatever we come up with, Adrien ends up blamed or we land ourselves in jail, right?” The Kwami nodded. “So… if we make sure it’s a very public kidnapping and he disappears, we can stash him away until the heat dies down. After we dye his hair and apply fast-tan, he will look different enough no one will connect the two. I’m pretty sure I could get my hands on fake documents if I tried hard enough…” she trailed off thinking of all the minutiae to coordinate to pull this off. 

It would be hard. 

But it would be worth it. 

Plagg slowly nods. “Okay… Somehow, that both makes no sense and seems perfectly legitimate. It’s also your most chaotic plan to date, Pigtails. Let’s do it!” The Kwami cheered, happy to be soon reunited with his chosen kitten. “But what about the costs!”

Marinette already had an answer in mind for that question. “Even after I subtract the costs of materials and other supplies, the payment for the dress, together with my savings, will be more than enough. Now… let’s go wake Tikki up.”

That… ended with the Kwami of Creation vomiting a pile of handcuffs and other police gear at Marinette. 

“Um… Why?”

The little red Kwammi placed her paws on her hips. “Because you should familiarize yourself with those if you plan on going to prison for that plan. It’s no longer just a phone theft, Marinette! You’re talking about breaking more laws than I can count!” She dropped to the pillow below, bemoaning about where she went wrong. 

Marinette scooped up her wayward friend and tried to reassure her. “I just need to be careful. I’m pretty sure I can do it without detection. Maman taught me how to not be seen on the internet. Or in general. Come on. I need to order a secure laptop.”

“I will help!” Plagg offered. “I can cataclysm the internet after you do your thing.”

“What?! No! Think of the cute cat pictures!” Marinette protested. “And video games.” 

“Relax! It’ll just remove any trace of you doing anything online in the several hours or so…” He calmed her.

Tikki trailed after them, a bundle of nerves and worry. “Plagg! It’s irresponsible! You can’t possibly…”

“Pigtails and I have it all under control. What’s the worst that could happen?”

---------

Turns out, a lot. 

Before Marinette put out the hit (kidnapping, she made sure that it was plain as day), she needed to set a price. That one was harder. It wasn’t like you could Google how much you needed to charge to kidnap a celebrity. At least, not without attracting a lot of unwanted attention. 

She asked her mother, under the guise of pure curiosity. It was a normal question any teenage girl asked her mother. How much does it cost to have someone killed, how much cheaper/more expensive a kidnapping is, how to acquire fake documents, that kind of stuff. Not suspicious at all. 

So absorbed in her rant, she missed a merry glint in Sabine’s eyes. She also didn’t question how her Maman knew those prices. 

Finally, she needed to fill the form. 

Assignment: Acquisition and Delivery

Asset(s): Adrien Athanase Agreste

Value: 

Here, Marinette paused. 

Her mom gave her a lengthy lecture about pricing and all. According to her, a professional would take up to fifty thousand dollars for kidnapping and bringing the target to her. Marinette decided, since Adrien was a celebrity, she should double the price. More risks involved, more reward, right? 

But, she also wanted to ensure she hired the best of the best. Compare her work to Gabriel Agreste’s, she came to the conclusion ten times the price was reasonable to ensure only the best in the field would take the job. 

Then, there was the matter of safety and so on and so on. By the end, she settled on two million dollars, as her asking price for one Adrien Agreste. Plagg sagely nodded, agreeing with her assessment. Tikki didn’t comment, as she wasn’t speaking to the two, but also seemed more accepting after spying on Adrien and Lila’s home life. Not that she revealed that tidbit to either of them, lest they drop the plan and directly go at Gabe and the Liar. 

After a few more details and boxes in the form Marinette filled until she came to the end. Only one more detail remained: 

Sponsor:

Marinette stared at the word for a moment. After a quick race of thoughts, she typed slowly. 

Sponsor: The Seamstress

Perfect. Nothing about this could go wrong.

Of course, how could she predict just how big of a mess she would make? 

----------

[honeybrulee]

Sacrifices

Jean x Reader

Summary: When Jean is knocked unconscious during a scouting expedition you make the decision to risk your life in a desperate attempt to save him

The blue smoke from the flare signalling the scouts to retreat billowed its haunting message across the sky. Whatever had happened, whatever state the scouts ahead of you and Jean was, it wasn't good, and that was all the information you had to rely on in that moment.

The two of you, at the very back of the formation, dug your knees into your horses to push them ahead, silently sharing a look of uneasiness at the situation. For conditions that required a retreat signal from the commander your surroundings were quiet. Too quiet.

"What do you think's going on?" Jean called, raising his voice slightly so that it would carry across to you over the sound of pounding hooves.

"No idea, but I don't like this. Something doesn't seem right. We need to regroup with the others as quick as we can."

Jean nodded sharply in agreement before spurring on his horse, leaning into its neck.

However, as per usual, your gut feeling proved itself to be right. Before you could even get near any of the others, the ground you rode on began to shake with the familiar heavy footfall of your enemies.

Turning to look behind you, you notice five titans approaching rapidly, eyes focused on you and Jean.

One of them was gaining more rapidly than the others- an abnormal. Not leaving anywhere near enough time for you to send off a flare in hopes that nearby scouts would notice your predicament, the abnormal lunged for Jean, sending him hurtling off his horse with a yelp and across the planes of land.

"Jean!" you cried out, veering your mount in his direction. Your concern grew as he remained motionless, splayed out unnaturally on the grass. You knew you needed to be fast, the abnormal pulling itself from its stomach to it's feet again.

You called out his name again as you rushed to him, but still only silence answered your call. You couldn't let Jean die- not before you had the chance to confess your feelings to him.

The two of you had been friends ever since enlisting for the scouts, and you had only grown closer and closer over the years. Countless nights spent in his company under the moon left you with a sense of longing in your heart, one which only worsened upon your observation of the way the man gazed at Mikasa. Regardless of whether your friend shared your feelings or not, you still couldn't leave him to die so carelessly at the hands of a titan.

Sliding off the saddle of your horse once you reach him you realise there's no chance of getting him back on his own horse, the poor creature having been crushed under the stomach of the abnormal when it lunged for him.

With haste, you scoop Jean up in your arms, grunting as you use all your strength to settle him on top of your steed. With every second you spent adjusting him the abnormal was once again gaining on you, a hunter ready to crush and consume its prey, and the other four regular titans weren't far behind. Your eyes pricked with tears at the wave of hopelessness that washed over you. No. This wasn't the time for those sort of thoughts. You had to pull this off - for Jean.

Jean. You observed the way his limp unconscious body slumped against your horses neck, blood flowing steadily from his nose and the corners of his lips and the areas around his eyes already beginning to bruise.

You had two choices. Get on the horse with Jean and try to outrun the titans- unlikely. That held the risk of neither of you surviving, the abnormal was too fast, you'd be overwhelmed before you made it so much as thirty metres. Option two, however, secured Jean's safety, and you already found yourself choosing that one with not even a second of thought regarding the repercussions for you. You would secure Jean to the horse, send it off in the direction of the others and pray they noticed him and took care of him. You, meanwhile, would remain behind, distract the titans from Jean and bring their attention to you. That was the one.

You lifted the reins, throwing them over Jean's body and tying them to the back of his belt, making sure it was tight enough for him not to fall. Scratches from the coarse earth littered his skin, and you couldn't resist the urge to lean in and press one tender kiss against his cheek. A goodbye kiss perhaps, maybe selfish on your part, maybe a waste of precious time- but you could take one moment to be selfish for yourself. You would earn it.

With one last look at Jean you nudged the side of your horse, sending it galloping off ahead with your friend secured to its back. Your heart clenched in desperation, begging whatever gods might be out there to deliver him safely to the scouts as you stood and watched him disappear into the distance.

The abnormal was right behind you now, letting out a throaty screech before lunging violently at you the same way it had to Jean. You quickly sank the hooks of your ODM gear into a nearby tree, pulling you sharply in its direction and out of the grasp of the titan. The trees were only short and were sparse, nowhere near high enough to give you any advantage over the abnormal but as long as you could remain out of its clutch you could manage until somebody noticed and came to help you. If somebody noticed.

Meanwhile, a few miles ahead, the scouts were regrouping, taking headcounts and waiting for as many survivors as they could gather to join them.

"Sir! Someones approaching on the horizon! Only a single rider!" a scout called out, alerting Levi and Erwin.

"Who is it?" another spoke, attempting to focus their eyes on the face of their approaching comrade. Things changed however, when they noticed that the rider was slumped over unconscious.

"It's Jean," Armin wailed, "and he doesn't look conscious!"

As the horse flew in their direction Captain Levi prepared to stop it, standing just to the side of its path so that he could grab the reins and haul it in. And that's what he did, the horse bucking and squealing in a frenzy.

"It seems like he's tied to the horse by the reins. And that's definitely not his horse, either," Eren evaluated, eyebrows furrowing in concern.

Mikasa spoke next. "Whoever was with Jean must have tied him up like this so that he could escape while unconscious. But surely that means they must have been protecting Jean from something, else they'd be on the horse with him."

"Y/N! She was the one who was out there with him!" Armin came to the realisation, making the others murmur and gasp. You had made many friends within the scout regiment, always easy to get along with and willing to spend time with and care for your teammates, so your death would not go down easily.

Erwin furrowed his brows, thinking about his next actions carefully. If what they were theorising was true, he couldn't just leave members of his regiment to suffer a needless death at the hands of titans.

"Very well then," he spoke clearly, gaining the attention of the others. "Captain Levi, you will go with Eren, Mikasa and Armin to locate their missing teammate. I will lead the others back to the walls, join us when you have determined her fate. I will also see to it that Kirschtein is escorted safely to the walls."

With a nod, they departed, Erwin assigning two scouts to ride either side of Jean's unconscious body on your horse. The others galloped in the direction they had seen Jean come from, and it wasn't long before they found you. You looked weak from exertion, trying with every fibre of your strength to fight off the abnormal and the four regular titans. Three of the normal titans lay dead on the ground, the napes of their necks steaming in defeat. Now you were flying in endless circles around the abnormal and one remaining titan, barely missing their clutch each time they swung at you with meaty fists.

No matter how hard you tried, exhaustion would always find a way to catch up with you. After endless swinging, leaping and the intense focus it required to have kept yourself alive this long in your situation you were growing weary, the strength draining from your body, and before you knew it you were being squeezed horifically tight in the fist of the abnormal. The large titan opened its gaping mouth, blunt teeth exposed and ready to crush you. You yelled, using what little strength remained to squirm as hard as you could manage but to no avail. The creature's grip was too tight, and as it began lifting you into its mouth you found yourself squinting your eyes tight shut and sobbing.

You reminded yourself that this was for Jean, that you were doing this to save his life, but the thought of him only made you cry harder.

"'M, sorry, Jean. I love you," you whimpered breathlessly.

However, just as you prepared yourself to be bitten in half, the sound of ODM gear engaging caught your ears. You gasped in shock, and a small part of you began building hope again. The next thing you knew you were falling from the titan's fist towards the floor, the beast's nape having been sliced. Before you could meet the ground you were snatched up by someone. You didn't know who, however, as the relief you felt mixed with your exhaustion, leading to you falling into unconsciousness as you knew you were finally in safe hands.

You had done it. You had saved Jean and survived. They had come to get you.

___

When you regained consciousness you were safely tucked into your own bed back at the barracks. You tried to sit up but immediately fell back down and groaned at the sharp pain that wracked you. Your ribs, they must have been broken by how hard that titan had been holding you. The titan- Jean. Where was he? Was he okay? What if the scouts hadn't found him and he was still out there somewhere all alone. He'd be dead by now for sure if he hadn't met back with them. Had you unknowingly sent him to his death?

But before you had the chance to work yourself into a frenzy, all of your questions were answered in one.

"You're awake!" A frantic gasp from your bedside. Jean.

Tears sprung to your eyes. He really had survived and had made it home safe.

"Woah, woah, woah, you idiot, sit still. And what are you crying for?" he exclaimed.

"You're alive!" you rasped, throat raw.

"Yes, but the question is why? Why would you ever do that for me? Huh? Sacrifice your whole life, send me off to safety and leave yourself to be torn apart by titans for my sake? Why the fuck would you ever do that you idiot?" Jean was practically shouting, his voice shaking and wild.

You sighed deeply, closing your eyes to avoid him.

"Well? Don't just close your eyes! I need to know why you would ever do something so stupid. Risk something so precious just for me!"

You felt your heart pounding, heat rising to your cheeks. He couldn't ask you something like that.

"Do you really need to ask?" you spoke quietly, still not strong enough to speak at a regular volume.

"Yes! I really fucking do need to ask."

"Think about it, Jean. You don't actually need me to answer that for you. You'll only make a fool of me." you pried your eyes open, looking up into his in the hopes that he would get your message and wouldn't make you go through the pain of being rejected, of being told that he only had eyes for Mikasa.

"You're already a fool for doing what you did. You should have left me to die. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, especially if the reason for your loss was me." Jean's angry facade broke, the man falling to his knees at your bedside and sobbing into the back of your hand.

"That's exactly why I did it, Jean. I don't know what I'd do without you either, and in that moment your entire life was in my hands so I did what I could to preserve it. Call me all the names you want, and maybe it was stupid, but I couldn't care less. I'd do it a thousand times over if it meant being able to see you alive and healthy every day. If you're really going to make me say it, fine, I'll say it. I love you, Jean. I have for years. I love the way you always panic over me when I get so much as a papercut; I love the way you let me lean on you and sleep on your shoulder when we're out scouting overnight; I love the way you make me laugh with your dumb jokes every day; and how you hold me when I'm sad and don't leave until you see me smile. I love you, Jean. Is that what you wanted to hear? And I know you only have eyes for Mikasa. I do- believe me, but there it is. The truth. The reason I did what I did. And like I said, I'd do it all over again. I don't expect you to say anything back, I already know you're not interested. Now please, just leave and spare me the embarassment of being rejected by the person I love."

Jean froze, dumbfounded. His eyes were wide and glued to your face, at the pained and heartbroken expression you held. All this time and you'd thought he'd never wanted you? Thought that he wanted Mikasa? Slowly, shakily, he got up from his knees and moved to sit on the mattress by your hip. You turned your face from him, avoiding his eyes.

"You truly believe I don't feel the same way?" his voice shook as he spoke.

Your eyes widened, and you automatically turned your head back in his direction to detect from his face if he was lying or not.

"You really think that I'd be this upset over anyone else doing what you did? You think I panic when you get hurt because we're just friends? You think my heart doesn't feel like it's going to beat out of my chest when you fall asleep against me? That I tell you all of my dumbest jokes just to keep a teammate entertained and that I hold you when you cry because I don't like seeing a friend upset? You really believe that. I do it all because I love you. Always have, ever since the day I met you. And Mikasa? That was a childish crush, never anything more. I've never felt for anyone the way I do for you. When I woke up back at the barracks I was so confused. The last thing I remembered was riding back to the commander with you when some titans appeared. I thought you were dead, Y/N. The others only knew I was conscious again because I screamed at the thought of you being dead and in the stomach of some damn titan while I was tucked up in bed, healthy and alive. And when Eren told me what really happened? I was furious. Furious at you for putting my life over yours, but even more furious at myself for letting that happen in the first place. I always make sure we're stationed together for the exact purpose of protecting you. I'd die for you, Y/N. And I know how hypocritical that sounds but gods I love you, my sweet girl. I don't know how I'd live without seeing that beautiful smile every day. I love you."

Tears brimmed at your waterline at his words, the breath leaving your lungs.

"You really mean that?" you gazed up at him, not daring to break the eye contact you had established.

"More than I've ever meant anything in my life," he reassured. Jean sighed, reaching to brush a strand of hair from in front of your eyes. His hand slid down to your cheek, thumb swiping over it and wiping away the escaping tears.

Slowly, ever so carefully so as not to hurt your battered body, Jean leaned down, resting his forearm at the side of your head for balance.

"Can I kiss you?" he almost whispered, eyes blinking slowly.

"Please," you sighed, heart pounding when he closed the distance and complied with your plea.

His lips swept against yours with every care in the world as the two of you exchanged your pent up emotion without words. And as Jean held you that night safe in his arms, as he spent hours pressing gentle kisses to your forehead, cheeks, jaw, nose, lips- the two of you felt your hearts melding together, becoming one synchronous unit. He had you now, and you had him, and neither of you planned on ever letting go. You were in it now and forever.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

i'm fucking losing it about that most recent post and i cannot get coherent words out about it because i get too excited about the possibilities and it is extremely hard to type while flapping but !!! oh my god!!!! oh my godd!!!!!!!!!

CW: Opening to what is definitely going to be a severe trauma response in the next piece, brief victim-blaming language

Jake watches the video, and Laken can't read his expression at all. It's grim, maybe - his jaw is set, and his blue eyes don't leave the laptop screen.

Youtube starts with a stupid fucking State Farm car insurance ad, and Jake is quiet and thoughtful before the ad even ends. He didn't argue with Laken, or suggest disbelief. He only texted come to the house and show me while C is at rehearsal, and Laken had hopped on two buses and walked half a mile, but here they are, now, only a little sweaty for their efforts.

Laken hunches over next to him, their hands over their mouth, thick wavy black hair falling over their eyes. They'd re-shaved the sides yesterday and the air moved over the shorn-short spaces as the fan turned overhead.

They don't speak. They just watch Jake watch Tristan Higgs dance. They watch Antoni, Chris's other brother, sit quietly on Jake's other side, his own dark eyes equally fixed on the screen. When the video ends, Jake hits the replay button and watches it again.

And again.

"This video is from eight years ago," He finally says. His voice is a deep rumble, barely a sound human ears can hear. “I mean, the dancing is from eight years ago.”

Laken swallows and nods. "Um, y-yeah. So he would be-"

"Fifteen," Jake finishes for them. "Give or take. If he's as old as I think he is. And this guy seems pretty fucking sure that Tristan Higgs is dead."

"Right." Laken swallows, uncomfortable. "So, Ben-... You remember Ben. He's, um. Been looking stuff up, and... He sent me some links to, like, old news articles, and... Um..."

"What is in the articles?" Where Jake's voice is rough-edged, struggling for control, Antoni's voice is soft, hazy with his accent, sliding over consonants and coasting the vowels. "What is he sending?"

"So, um, like... This double-... Uh, double-murder and stuff. These people that were killed and just, like, their kid survived, Tristan Higgs. Except then he disappears-... just drops off the face of the earth. But no obit or anything.”

Jake and Antoni look at each other, the men sharing an expression that communicates a wealth of information Laken isn't privy to. But the one thing they don't show is any surprise.

"-and... Ben's been messaging the guy that posted the video, and-... They're gonna meet, um, in a couple days. At, you know where La Mode is? The ice cream place where they filmed that bit in that old Vince Shield movie-"

"I know where La Mode is, yeah," Jake says, watching Laken carefully. He hasn't looked at them like this in a long time, since he first met them - calculating and slightly cold, considering the risk they pose to Chris and to everyone else in his house.

"I also am knowing that place," Antoni says with a nod, putting a hand on Jake's arm. Jake is tense - Laken didn't realize it until he suddenly relaxes, consciously, now. "Why is Ben wanting to talk to this man?"

"I, I don't know. He kind of, he's really intense about this stuff. You know, when he found out Chris was, um, was... a pet..." The word is ash on their tongue, gums up around their teeth, makes their stomach flip in disgust. "... He kind of lost his shit once we got Chris calm about it. I think he thought-... Uh, you know, people like Chris, they get targeted, and... so he's been thinking about that.”

“This isn’t his business, Laken,” Jake says, weary, closing his eyes.

“No, I know, but he's got a little brother who's the same age Chris was when-... this video must have been made. Who’s a lot like him. So I think he's... I don't know. Maybe thinking, you know, if it was his brother, he’d want someone to do all this... if-... if someone took his brother away."

"Yeah, I get it." Jake swallows, sitting up slowly, rubbing at his face. He's got a day-old stubble along his jaw, the kind that made Laken grin a little when they saw the rubbed-red, irritated jawline of the guy with black hair who answered the door, Chris's other brother kind of.

The one that Laken met the night Dylan told Ben and them where Chris really came from. Except... not this. Dylan hadn't known this.

"So, we need to get Chris ready-"

"Get me ready for, for, for what? Laken, why, why are you here?"

Laken closes their eyes and lets out a slow, soft sigh. Of course - the one night they needed Chris's rehearsal to run full-length is the one night he comes back early. They turn to look at Chris and give him a slight smile. "Hey, querido, we just, um-... So, there's..."

The video has still been playing in the background, forgotten, and the music kicks into the crescendo where the second gymnast steps up, catching Chris's attention. "What's, what's that? Is, is, is, is is is it-"

He goes silent as Tristan Higgs steps into place, shoots his bright smile towards Akio Nakamura, and does his first set of flips and spins.

The three of them watch Chris watching Tristan Higgs. They watch his backpack slide off his shoulder and thump to the ground. They watch his eyes - the perfect match to the eyes of the boy on the screen - follow Tristan and Akio dancing briefly back to back, his laughter as he drops his head onto Akio's shoulder.

Something in the line of his shoulders tightens. His skin is pale under the freckles, his hair suddenly seems too garishly bright against the rest of him. There are shadows under his eyes Laken has never seen before. He looks younger... and haunted.

They hold their breath until it ends, the two boys hugging and laughing, Tristan bouncing and rocking and flapping ecstatically when the routine went off without a hitch.

The video cycles to the next one, a different set of Nakamura's. Chris blinks and then looks at the three of them, eyes moving from one to the next. "Why... are you watching... that?"

His voice shifts, change, slips into a drip-drop of words, a slowly leaking faucet language that Laken barely understands when compared to his usual mile-a-minute. He stands perfectly still.

Once again, Jake and Antoni aren't surprised.

"Chrisha," Antoni says, gently. Jake's jaw works, maybe fighting for words that don't come. "That is you, we think. You were... are Tristan Higgs."

Chris's eyes move to Antoni. Then back to Jake. "No," He says, simply. "I'm... not."

"Chris?" Laken feels a wash of uncertainty. "Are you okay? We're pretty sure this is you."

Chris stares right through Laken, eyes empty, full of a kind of fog all their love can't break through. "No, I, I'm not. I'm... not him."

Jake is the one to push himself to his feet first, taking Chris gently by the arm to walk him back towards the doorway. "Chris-"

"I'm... not, not him," Chris says, looking up at Jake, up and up and up. "I'm... not, Jake."

Chris, Laken's sunshine boy, their love and light and life, is a dull bit of broken rock, sodden earth after too much rain, the sooty stumps of trees in an empty wildfire-wrecked field.

"I know it's hard," Jake says, folding Chris into his arms, and Laken watches with a twist of something that isn't quite jealousy, but isn't that far off. Chris will always turn to Jake, first. They can't compete with that - they don't want to, even, they just sort of wish they could. "I know, Chris. But Laken's right, this kid... I think that might really be you."

"No," Chris whispers, burying his head into Jake's chest. "No, no, no. I'm... not. I, I make myself, I made Chris, I don't want to, to, to to to-to be anyone else anymore..."

"You're still Chris," Jake murmurs, and holds him close. "You're still my brother. This just tells us maybe a little bit about what happened before I met you, that's all. That's it, Chris. Nothing has to change."

"Everything changed," Chris whispers, pulling slowly back. "Because I, I did it wrong. I, I, I moved, wasn't... I was, was supposed to hide... and, and be so quiet..." His hands move, one finger up to his lips, as though shushing himself. The empty look in his eyes is cracking open to a well of pain that Laken, for all the times they've held him after nightmares and all the meltdowns they've seen... They've never seen it quite like this. 

He pulls away from Jake, and slowly picks his backpack up from the floor.

"Chris?" Laken shifts forward, but the look on his face when he glances back at them makes them stop short. "Baby, I-"

"Go... home, Laken," Chris says, and turns away from them. "Tris, Tristan Higgs is, is, is, is dead. He, he, he... he he-... he, k-... killed people, and he’s, he’s, he’s dead.” 

He's gone, his feet heavy on the stairs, before Laken can say another word.

Jake and Antoni glance at each other - another immense conversation contained in a single shared look - and then Jake sighs. "Come in, Laken. I'll drive you back to campus. Ant, if you'll-"

"Watch the house and speak to Chrisha. Got it." Antoni gives Laken a soft, sympathetic smile. "These things are not easy," He says, softly. "You cannot pick yourself back up again, simple as that, start a story where you were left off. I will speak with him."

"But, I should-"

"You'll make it worse," Jake says, rough-edged again.

"Harder," Antoni gently corrects. "He will need us, who know what it is they do to our minds, tonight."

"Wh-what do they do?” Laken looks from one of the men to the other. “I, I know memory loss, I get that, and he was clearly-... hurt, so much, but-”

“They take a frightened man-... or, child,” Antoni says, voice gentle as always. “And they teach us that the person we were before was so terrible that the person we are now exists only to suffer.”

“But he’s just a kid, there, in that video,” Laken says, a token protest, voice weak. Antoni’s smile widens, slightly, in its sympathy for them. “There’s no kid on earth who could possibly deserve that. He doesn’t even remember what happened!”

“You do not have to remember a crime to be told you are responsible for it.”

“But-”

Antoni takes their hands in his, looking them right in the eyes. “When you are alone, and frightened, and desperate to survive... you will believe anything that gives you the slightest chance for a way out.”

Laken swallows, hard, thinking of Chris whispering after a nightmare one night, they made me a Romantic pet because I was a slut who wanted it all the time - their sunshine boy, who never ever does, effortlessly believing a lie, repeating back the names they called him, acting unbothered and like he barely noticed his own words.

Laken swallows back a flip of disgust at the idea of a teenager being taught to hate himself that way. 

“Wh-what happens if he remembers everything they made him forget?” Laken’s voice is a whisper.

“If we’re lucky,” Jake says gruffly, “He doesn’t remember it all at once. If we’re not-”

A wail shatters their conversation, a low keening cry from upstairs, muffled by distance and closed doors, a sound of wild screaming wordless grief. All three of them flinch as there’s a resounding crash and a slammed door.

“If we not, that happens,” Jake says, and he’s on his feet and up the stairs before Laken can remind him that he’d said he would take them home. They move to stand, but Antoni lays a hand on their arm.

“Jake, first,” He says softly. “It is easy to be overwhelmed, in these moments. Jake first, and then you.”

What they feel now is definitely a little bit jealousy.

And guilt.

Chris’s screaming, his misery and pain, seems to go on forever, twist itself into the walls of the house and burrow in. Antoni leaves to comfort frightened people who stick their heads out of doors and ask what’s going on, people Laken doesn’t know and has never been introduced to. They look at Laken, consider them, and Antoni speaks to them with soft reassurance while Laken feels helpless, and hopeless, and pointless in this house full of hurting people, while their own hurting person finds comfort in his brother, not in them.

They turn back to look at Jake’s laptop, sitting alone and watching a group of gymnasts hugging after getting their scores, laughing.

The title dates it as a year after the dancing video.

By the time this one was filmed, Tristan Higgs was already gone.

---

Tagging: @burtlederp  , @finder-of-rings  , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure  , @slaintetowhump  , @astrobly  @newandfiguringitout  , @doveotions  , @pretty-face-breaker  , @boxboysandotherwhump  , @oops-its-whump  @moose-teeth  , @cubeswhump  , @cupcakes-and-pain  @whump-tr0pes  @whumpiary  @orchidscript

[finaledenialist]

Okay, your tags on The Empty Post have showed up in my notes and I have to ask. Tell me more. Tell me it all. All of the feelings and thoughts about that scene because what I’ve seen so far? Absolute perfection and I agree wholeheartedly.

Thank you! Okay I basically unloaded most of my thoughts in my tags here but let’s go through this one more time. I may add: this was already said a thousand times by better meta writers than me 3 years ago when season 13 was actually airing. And I will ramble a little about Purgatory, too. Now with that out of the way: 

The Empty. Canonically it is a being, a living immortal being that rules the place or an ‘anti-place’ where angels and demons go are sent to when they die to dream of their regrets forever (this sounds awful and like a punishment for dying despite being immortal, for getting themselves killed or something). Also: the Empty was there before Creation, the Nothingness before Darkness and before Light. 

Okay. But let’s see what other things the Empty represents: lack of anything. Complete nothingness that Cas got sucked into (by Lucifer but also by helping the Winchesters). Now we know that Cas‘I am afraid I might kill myself’tiel had his issues, right (I still can’t believe that we are praising 8x08 thee Hunteri Heroici for being a filler episode with Cas - which is awesome, don’t get me wrong - but we all keep forgetting what he actually did say to Dean there!!! Dean says: are you afraid the angels will kill you if you show up in Heaven? And Cas looks straight into his eyes and says: After all I’ve done, when I see Heaven, I am afraid I might kill myself).

Please remember that it’s not only Dean, Mr. ‘Purgatory was pure’. Cas, after all he did in season 6, after his death in s7, after coming back and being literally haunted by everything he’s done, must have felt that Purgatory was liberating, too. It was some kind of an Alternative Universe where he didn’t have to face the consequences of his actions. He was free of them. It was literally his escape AND additionally it was (well, according to good old christian lore, maybe not specifically spn lore) a place where you are supposed to atone for your sins so there must have been the feeling of atoning, of making things right without actually doing anything specific, where having to survive and not get eaten by the Leviathans was his main problem (= surviving was just enough, nothing was asked of him), which, compared to all he’s done, wasn’t that hard or difficult. He found himself running away from Leviathans which could mirror running away from consequences of his actions - but it was Purgatory, it was at the same time atoning for what he did. It was EASY.

Cas basically confirms that he officially stayed in Purgatory because he didn’t think he deserved to go back to Earth and that is true but what he doesn’t say is: ‘Purgatory was pure and easy and kill or be killed and no other worries than that, no thinking, no real responsibilities which actually was a nice escape from the real world after all I did and been through in the past 3 years’. He wanted out, he wanted an easy choice. Okay, maybe he wasn’t actively looking for an easy way out but when it presented itself - when they appeared in Purgatory - he took it like a gift. We’re talking about a character who spent all his life following orders, who finally broke free and found himself completely lost in the freedom of choices, directionless and maybe wanted an escape. He must have felt overwhelmed but all this freedom (which he basically confirms in 6x20 freedom is a length of rope and god wants you to hang yourself with it). I COMPLETELY understand that choice to escape. 

So in seasons 8-12 Cas has a lot of stuff going on in his head, he gets lobotomized for most of season 8, he is hurt and tortured and treated like shit for most of season 9 and 10 and he ultimately gives himself up to Lucifer in s11 and then he almost dies in 12x12 and he never really got to talk about all of this or work this things out with anyone because Sam or Dean are not really the most talkative guys and Dean in 10x09 basically tells Cas to ‘let it go and not think about it’ which is a shitty advice to someone who suffers from some mental issues if I am being honest (this is like. ur depressed? oh go for a run and smile and stop being sad!!! kind of advice if you ask me). So these issues only grow and grow and start eating him up and please remember that at the very same time Cas is falling in love. I said it previously but I think the moment he realizes what he really feels is 12x12 when he is dying. In that moment he is able to name this feeling but it’s of course covered by: ‘I love you. I love all of you’. 

Now in season 12 he finally gets a proper arc with Kelly (god bless her, honestly, she and Cas had one of the most healthy relationships ever portrayed on tv and it wasn’t even romantic, I could go off about this but it’s getting really long anyway). So he kind of is on his way to find a purpose again - Dean is saved (from hell, from Michael, from the Mark), so he focuses on Kelly and unborn Jack and maybe in his relationship with her he rediscovers love (not necessarily romantic but he sees how she loves Jack) and he does all he can to protect her from basically everyone including the Winchesters. And he promises he will take care of Jack and then. Then he is killed by Lucifer (shattered at the altar of Winchester because he gets involved in the Apocalypse World because of them while having built something for himself with Kelly and Jack BUT still not having properly processed all his previous trauma). 

Okay, so fast forward: Cas is woken up by Jack in the Empty. He is of course confused and stuff (we still don’t know what was he dreaming about all this time he spent there now that we know this is a place where angels and demons dream about their mistakes and regrets <- fanfiction gap #1). He wakes up, he is ‘greeted’ by the Empty and one of the first things he says is that he has to go back because Sam and Dean need him. 

This is his first, automatic thought - I (probably) don’t want to go back, but Sam and Dean need me so I have to, I don’t want to go back for myself because I never wanted to since Purgatory but I know I have to. He doesn’t even think about Jack in this moment. I... maybe it is a stretch but I sense a kind of fear in these words. It’s like he thinks: ‘if I had the chance to come back and chose not to come back from selfish reasons then if the Winchesters ever find out about this they will be angry at me’. But I might be reading too much into this, but on the other hand Jesus fucking Christ this is precisely what happened in Purgatory. He chose to stay although he had a chance to return and the effect was Dean being mad at him. Talk about trauma--

Then the Empty (who was in Cas’ mind) voices his biggest fears: 

'I know who you love, I know what you fear. There is nothing for you back there. Wouldn't you rather be a fond memory than a constant festering disappointment?'

There is a lot to unpack here because this is the Empty’s (who, as stated at the beginning can be read as a manifestation of not only death but also Cas’ depression and self-worth issues) reaction to Cas saying that Sam and Dean need him. She says: uh oh you’re wrong<3 I know who you love, what you fear, the is nothing there for you, sweetie. Essentially: they don’t need you. No one needs you or wants you there. They are better off without you. Wouldn’t you rather be a fond memory (of actually being useful as in: saving Dean from hell, helping to stop the Apocalypse, helping to fight the Leviathans) than a disappointment (failing powers, makes mistake after a mistake, chooses to protect the unborn Antichrist rather than killing him before he’s born - and not to make this whole thing worse but this is what Dean has the audacity to say to Cas in 15x03: why if something goes wrong it always seem to be you).

I will now allow myself for some privacy, because I am a person who dealt with these kind of thoughts in my head for years, these are straight up suicidal thoughts: no one needs you, no one wants you, you are a disappointment and if you die you will be fondly remembered, everyone is better off without you. And we know Cas was suicidal because he literally tells us in 8x08 and we have no proof that he somehow got rid of these thoughts, ever. If anything, they were always there, present, if not growing. Thoughts like that don’t just disappear. Please remember one more time what was happening to Cas in seasons 8-11. He wasn’t healing. He was getting worse, while all this time managing to keep his head above water for someone else, while the guilt was rising and rising. 

If the Empty represents all his issues: depression, suicidal thoughts, guilt, self-hate, lack of self-worth, and what she offers is: eternal sleep. Maybe not entirely peaceful sleep, but sleep nevertheless, no consequences, no facing your fears, no dealing with anything, an escape, sleep - 

And she prompts him to stop fighting, to go back to sleep because there is nothing to fight for (now the symbolism of him being waken up by JACK who was his new found purpose just before he got killed), but she makes a mistake to confront his thoughts and fears with him. She makes a mistake of taking a ‘physical’ form, putting on his face and voice his fears. And Cas is a warrior and he kind of hates himself, so his instinct was to fight. Of course it was easier not to think about all of these stuff at all, to push it back, to try to forget. But once he was forced to face all of these? He fought back. AND HE WON!!!!! 

WHAT A MESSAGE TO SEND RIGHT?!!! You might have all these issues and not want to face them because you feel you will crush under them but look: when you are forced to face them it turns out you are somehow way stronger than them!!! The moment you choose to fight you already won, you are already saved!!! Because ultimately these are your thoughts and this is your mind and you control it, no one else! The moment you decide, you choose, to take control: you win. You are saved because you chose to save yourself because you decided you are worth saving. And the Empty (and everything she represents) immediately gets angry and lets him go, ultimately annoyed because he dared to defy her and she just can’t win with someone who decides he wants to be free. WHAT. 👏🏻  A.  👏🏻 WONDERFUL. 👏🏻  MESSAGE.  👏🏻

So... Having said all that. There is only one thing left: I have NO IDEA. NO IDEA. HOW HE FOUND THE STRENGTH. TO STAND UP AND SAY THIS:

I'm already saved. You can prance and you can preen and you can scream and yell and remind me of my failings but somehow, I'm awake. And I will stay awake and I will keep you awake until we both go insane. I will fight you. Fight you and fight you for... ever. For eternity.

A FUCKING ICON. STRONGEST CHARACTER EVER. YOUR FAVE COULD NEVER--

[flyboytracy]

What are your top 5 best bro moments from the boys in TAG

Only five? 😰 

So in at numero five, for me it’s gotta be Legacy. Heavy Metal narrowly misses out on fifth place, because I absolutely adore that we got to see Gordon doing what he does best and shooting something whilst TB4′s dangling out of TB2, with lilest bro trying to help and then along comes biggest bro in the best Thunderbird to get his little brothers, just like he always will. However it’s Legacy that wins fifth place because we see the Hood do his best to tear the Tracy family apart from the inside, and Scott asks “What would dad do?” in response to the Hood taking their home and their ships and their sister. And it turns out the answer is that Jeff would defend his boys by tearing the Hood’s ship apart at the seams. I just love that we got to see Thunderbird One and Two and even Thunderbird Five joined in the action! All three big brothers defended their home and sent a clear message to the Hood that the Tracy family are like zero. They Cannot Be Divided. And if you make the mistake of trying, that fierce big bro and his right hand bro and his space bro will literally tear you apart just like their papa would.

So number four on my list of best bro moments from TAG is the wonderful Home on the Range and one of the best bro moments of all time. You know the one, when Gordo acts like a lil bro and gets treated like one by his big brothers. They grab him and hurl him like the tiny lil tadpole he is and everything about that moment sends me, from the silent communication between earth and sky, to the way that lil tadpole goes flying and Alan immediately wants to join in. It fills me with joy to see those big brothers get to play with their lil brothers and it’s a very rare moment where Scott chills out and has fun. He’s an Aries. Aries have no chill. What is chill? I don’t know what chill is.

Also, the way Scott and Virg manage to throw Gordon clean over their heads just makes me go hot damn because they must be so strong to be able to do that. Like daaaamn, boys, you can toss me any day.

Aaanyway, in at number three is the polar opposite moment to that adorable carefree moment in Home on the Range. Oh yeah, I’m talking about SOS and that heckin’ moment after Gordon activates his emergency signal and Thunderbird Two launches.

And what a launch. It’s been a while yet I still tear up when it cuts to Thunderbird Two and we don’t get the launch music. Instead we get punched in the teeth by the most emotional theme heard thus far in the show and then if that wasn’t enough, there’s no shots of the launch chute. No “Thunderbird Two is Go”. There’s nothing but the sight of two big brothers and a lil brother off to see if Gordon’s survived because Johnny can’t get hold of him and it breaks my heart because I bet the last time they launched like that was after the Zero X exploded.

This moment is the only moment we see a Tracy brother in true peril and it makes my heart hurt to think about what would’ve been running through those big brothers’ minds as they launched. Virg wasn’t with him and it’s not like he could’ve done anything to help but he Wasn’t There when his wingman needed him and Scott wasn’t there when Gordon needed his biggest brother most. I bet there was a conversation that went on long into a sleepless night that night.

In contrast, my most second favourite moment in TAG is when those brothers had each others’ backs. Firebreak is my single most favourite episode of TAG because we get to see Dad!Scott at his finest and get some great backstory on him and his papa. And on top of that we have Virg, cool, calm and collected Virg who only gets stressed when his equipment fails in midair, or his best friend is about to be cooked to death in the middle of a wildfire. I love, love, LOVE that we get to see Virg going from fighting the fire just like his idol Kit, to realising that he isn’t enough and big bro’s in serious peril. Except then along comes two tinies and after all those missions where they get swept down rivers or blown over sand dunes, they get to kick ass and save Virgil’s so he can go and do what he does best.

I just really, really love Firebreak, y’all.

And so we come to the end of my lil countdown. You’ve probably guessed what moment is my single favourite Tracy bro moment of all time, but I’m gonna GIF it anyway. It’s this one!

It’s The Long Reach. It was always gonna be The Long Reach from the moment it aired. I love Every Single Thing about the opening scenes of part two, from the moment Johnny realises there’s TWO life signs, to that incredible music and that shot of Thunderbird Two’s doors opening to welcome their Papa home. The way Alan dives at his dad and hugs him ‘til his bones pop is my favourite thing and then we see Scotty. Our Flyboy. That man we’ve followed for such a short space of time but he’s come to mean so much to so many people because of his attitude towards life.

That man lost his mom when he was just a kid, then lost his childhood because he had four lil brothers to look after and we know how seriously he would’ve taken that. He lost everything and then he went and lost his dad too and had to live with his failure to save Jeff every single day for eight years. We saw how much it haunted him in episodes like Recharge, yet saw what a wonderful man he’d become in episodes like Crosscut where he saves the life of someone who kept trying very hard to kill him. We saw him take on the mantle of Commander of International Rescue and by the time we get to The Long Reach, he’s really grown from that fella chewing himself to pieces in Undercover. He’s wise and he’s strong and he’s brave and he gets them there. There to the Oort Cloud and the unknown.

And then he gets to bring his dad home to his lil brothers, and I bet he promised he’d do that eight long years ago. Aries are known for their fiery spirits, their determination and stubbornness and that we’re always on a mission. For eight long years Scott was on a mission and we finally get to see the moment his mission was complete.

And I’m just never gonna be over that face, like ever.

Thank you for attending my TED talk, now mind how you go.

[akatsuki-shin]

Review: 天官赐福 Tiān Guān Cì Fú (Heaven Official's Blessing)

Notes:

(Very) long post ahead

Contains spoiler

This is my personal review and does not represent the entire audience, you are free to agree or not agree with what I’ve written here

Feel free to reply/send me a message if there are things you want to discuss

Summary:

The most beloved Crown Prince, pride of the Kingdom of Xianle with abundance of talents and achievements, Xie Lian, ascended to Heaven and became a martial god at the young age of 17 on the path to fulfill his dream "to save the common people".

Three years after his ascension, he saw his kingdom beginning to decline and in order to save his beloved country, Xie Lian defied the rules of Heaven and descended back to the mortal realm. Nevertheless, instead of saving them, his interference ended up accelerating the fall of Xianle, annihilating the once prosperous nation under the war of rebellion and a mysterious, horrifying plague.

The people who once praised and worshipped him day and night now condemned him, his devotees left him, they burnt his temples and divine statues, and Xie Lian himself was ultimately banished from the Heaven.

He ascended for the second time a short while later, but was banished once more very soon after. Since then, he lived among the mortals - surviving by collecting junks as he was now branded as the "God of Misfortune", the "Scrap Collecting Immortal".

800 years later, Xie Lian ascended again for the third time. Though having neither temples nor devotees, he accepted his responsibility as a martial god and carried on with his duties until one day, there came a certain, incidental encounter with a mysterious youth clad in red.

STORY: 7/10

TGCF overall is an (almost) complete, satisfying read with well-written twists and development.

Unlike the two previous MXTX's novels, the main pairing here (HuaLian) did not have to go through complicated misunderstandings and is a beautiful representation of love and devotion. Of course, this means there is a lack of conflict between them, but considering all the trials and tribulations the characters have gone through, this lack of conflict feels like a relieving fresh spring amidst the painful and exhausting journey throughout the entire five books.

The best and my most favorite plot twist is the Earth Master Ming Yi having been dead for a while, and the "Ming Yi" we know turns out to be the Black Water Submerging Boats, He Xuan. I'm the kind of person who always suspects characters, but even my furthest suspicion was "only" him being the Reverend of Empty Words, not He Xuan.

Truthfully, prior to reading this novel, I've seen Shi Qingxuan's "MING-XIONG, I'M SORRY x9999" post before without context, and I thought Ming Yi was going to die a tragic death because of Shi Qingxuan. Turns out it's kind of the opposite, huh? Nice one, really.

I also like how each character's "end" feels satisfying. Especially for the villains, they didn't necessarily have to die some tragic, vengeful death, but was provided with an ending that perfectly fits their background story and deeds. For example, in most stories, a character like Xuan Ji would be most likely be given some well-deserved punishment as her death, given everything she's done. But no, in the end she was given a reality check and was finally able to let go of her hundreds of years grudge. And then Qi Rong - I will talk more about him later on in the "Character" section.

One part I really love is the Extra Chapter about the Cave of Ten Thousand Gods. The chapter itself overall is mostly nonsensical and chaotic, but it was just so touching when HuaLian created a "Little Hua Cheng" statue to accompany Xie Lian's "Crown Prince who Pleased the Gods" statue, especially when this Little Hua Cheng statue gave Crown Prince Xie Lian statue a flower, and then Crown Prince Xie Lian received it, lifted him up and carried him in his arms. This one was maybe a bit biased because as much as I love the current HuaLian, I have a special soft spot for the young Xie Lian carrying, cradling the little Hua Cheng back then in the past. ;v;

Though, with all due respect, I must say that TGCF is actually below my expectation.

The biggest issue I have with TGCF is... What is Xie Lian's motivation? What drives him to move forward in the story? What is even the whole story's purpose?

I'm not quite sure how to word this properly, but let me give some examples.

When you read Harry Potter, you know immediately that Voldemort is the bad guy and he must be defeated.

When you read the Lord of the Rings, you know immediately that the One Ring must be destroyed to prevent Sauron from regaining his power.

Or, in MXTX previous works...

In SVSSS, it was clear since the beginning that Shen Yuan's mission is to fix the "Proud Immortal Demon Way" if he wants to survive.

In MDZS, it was clear that Wei Wuxian, together with Lan Wangji's, needs to unravel the mystery behind that fierce left arm. All of their past stories and WangXian getting together in the end are just something they discovered along the way, not the initial "motivation" that drives the character to move forward.

What about TGCF? The Xie Lian who ascended for the third time actually looks like he just wants to go along with the flow, carrying out his duties day by day with responsibility. When Bai Wuxiang later, later, later on appeared to haunt him again, it didn't seem like Xie Lian has any ambition to hunt him down or exact a revenge, just that he wanted to forget about Bai Wuxiang and never recall anything about him ever again. The main character looks like he's not being driven by anything, just...carrying on where the plot takes him? It's just missions after missions and whatever huge things happening in between is just something they accidentally passed by along the way.

At this point, the only purpose of the story I can think of is bringing Hua Cheng and Xie Lian together. The romance is great, I have no complain. But if it's just that, no need to jammed-pack 250+ chapters just to make two people getting together?

Speaking of which, I also think that the way new characters keep being introduced all the way to almost the final showdown of the story feels info dump-ish, because the background story needs to be dropped there along with the characters, but then most of these characters fade away immediately after.

For example, the previous Civil God before Ling Wen, who looks like he’s going to pose some real trouble, but then was easily defeated and was never mentioned again afterwards. And this is especially true for He Xuan; after such a huge arc where he committed such extreme things, after that he was barely mentioned again, even having his “strong impression” leveled down by the joke about him being the poorest Calamity and owing lots of debts to Hua Cheng.

Basically what makes TGCF a long story is because there are too many stories about the side characters in addition to the main characters that are dumped out of the blue instead of slowly being revealed along the way.

Though, I love how the story gradually unravels the "Four Famous Tales" because initially, I thought it wasn't something crucial, and I wished they could've done this for other characters, too.

There is a little bit of plot holes here and there, as in who actually cut open Jian Lan/Lan Chang's baby and made it a ghost, and for what? Even if it turned out that she just met a bad guy or nobody important, at least provide an explanation in one paragraph? Especially because important side characters like Feng Xin and Mu Qing are involved here, so I'm pretty sure us readers need some explanation.

And more importantly, how can Jun Wu become the Emperor martial god? There's no mention about him ascending, only that he annihilated a dynasty of gods before sitting on the throne of the Great Martial Hall. But how can he, like, emitted god-like aura and not some evil aura? Is it because he used to be a god? But he's a ghost? Explanation where???

The gags and comedies are pretty fun, but honestly, the more I read, the more they ruin the atmosphere and suspense, added with the uncalled PDA between Hua Cheng and Xie Lian even during the most important moments. Honestly, I was bored the fuck out of my life from the moment they start fighting Jun Wu with those divine gundams, and only start gaining interest again much later on when Hua Cheng dissipated into butterflies.

Not saying the story's bad. Just... It's not up to my expectation... Characters being inserted here and there with a bunch of background story, gags and a show of PDA being flaunted during crucial moments. And when Mei Nianqing started telling the truth about the Kingdom of Wuyong, that's just plain info dump right there, seriously...

CHARACTERS: 7/10

Interesting characters, but only a few bore a lasting impression on me. Other than the main characters, which are Xie Lian and Hua Cheng, the only side characters (minus Bai Wuxiang as the main villain) who left quite some impression on me were probably just Feng Xin and Mu Qing.

Pei Ming is okay, at least he is still memorable until the end, and his character improved, too.

He Xuan, after having been introduced with such extreme, after his arc is over, was easily forgotten just like that.

Mei Nianqing, is borderline Deus Ex-Machina with a huge chunk of info dump that could solve everything, then he stopped being useful for the rest of the story.

Shi Qingxuan... Honestly, he's almost annoying, too noisy. I don’t hate him (and I kind of like him initially), but the way his character was being handled and presented post-Black Water arc feels disappointingly lazy and he was just there to make the party more merry.

Xie Lian himself, as the protagonist, how do I say this... This is maybe due to the translator's writing style (not MXTX’s fault), but whenever he screams in all capslock, it feels too extreme and borderline OOC? Of course, the original novel written in hanzi couldn't have included capslock.

What's great about him, though, is that despite all he'd gone through, he can still retain a pure heart and could not be swayed to be evil, just as he himself said "Body in the abyss, heart in paradise".

Now Hua Cheng, he is overall a super interesting character and I personally love this type of male characters. But he seriously is way too OP, almost like the original Luo Binghe (Bing-ge) a.k.a. too ideal, too perfect, no flaws, always capable of easily finding a way out in every single peril. I only forgive him for being like this because he dissipated into butterflies at the end of the battle with Jun Wu, making me think "oh, finally he's actually not invincible".

Still, his devotion to Xie Lian is very well written, very well presented, and his "I am forever your most devoted believer" is just downright the most powerful line in the whole story.

Now I promised to talk about Qi Rong, yeah? I haven't the slightest idea why it is even necessary to have Qi Rong as the Night-touring Green Lantern. I mean, yes he is there to make up the number of the Four Great Calamities, but that was for the characters who live in that world. As the novel's reader, I don't see any particularly important roles there for Qi Rong other than being an annoying meme fodder despite his actually pretty-cool first foreshadowing and appearance? Even his issue with Lang Qianqiu does not seem to give that much impact on the overall story, it could've just passed simply being explained in several pages.

Though I'd say he's got the best character development compared to others. Instead of dying as some hateful villain, the way he ended up deciding to protect Guzi at the cost of his own life can already be expected from miles away, but still bittersweet and touching nonetheless - how this crazed, mental person could still love when being presented with such pure, innocent feelings to the point that he acknowledged Guzi as a his own son.

By the way, E Ming and Ruoye are cute, I take no criticism.

TECHNICAL ASPECTS: 8/10

I can't really describe this with words, but MXTX's overall writing technique has greatly improved since MDZS.

It feels more "solid" to read instead of scattered here and there.

The info distribution has improved (fewer info dump compared to before), the story's no longer switching between past and present all of a sudden.

Description of characters and environment are sufficient, the plot is progressing steadily.

Several issues I have with this aspect though, the Prologue being ten pages is just way too long, I don't think I need that much information being stuffed right to my face right from the beginning.

There are excessive use of "Turns out..." every single time an explanation is going to come.

"Xie Lian didn't know whether he should cry or laugh" is honestly has been used probably more than 50 times just in the last two books. Although I'm reading a translation, I'm pretty sure the original Chinese version is being repetitive with this phrase, as well, because the translators couldn't just whip up any other phrase from thin air and put it in someone else's novel.

Almost half of scene transition is always caused by some sudden, external disturbance like "All of a sudden they heard someone's coming", "All of a sudden X visits their room", etc.

OVERALL SCORE: 7.3/10

Worth to read, satisfying overall. The main pairing's love story is just so well written and sweet. As long as you can withstand the violence and gore, though. 😂

TGCF highlights perhaps one of the ugliest natures of mankind: Being nice to someone as long as they're beneficial, and immediately throwing them away once the benefit was no more.

Once that person does not seem to be beneficial anymore, everyone would leave them instantly, even turning on them and start spitting on them without even trying to understand the reason why said person "stopped being beneficial".

Both as a Crown Prince and a martial god, Xie Lian and the Crown Prince of Wuyong were praised, revered, worshipped by the citizens of Xianle and Wuyong respectively. Because they were always helping, always fulfilling the people's wishes. But how easily it was for those very same people to turn on Xie Lian and the Crown Prince of Wuyong when they encountered misfortunes, completely turning a blind eye to the laborious effort both characters have been putting to save them from annihilation, even if it was visible in broad daylight.

It is also worth to note another trait of mankind that this story underlines: To always find a scapegoat or blame others for one's own misfortune and failure - be it another human being, another group of people, the government, even the gods - after having taking their generosity for granted.

Which is why I think the true villain of the story is not Bai Wuxiang, but those citizens of the ancient Wuyong who were now nothing more than resentful spirits eternally burning within the lava of Tonglu Mountain - a well deserved punishment after what they did to their Crown Prince.

[atamascolily]

Unicorn Chronicles, Book 4: “The Last Hunt,” by Bruce Coville

The Last Hunt is even longer than Dark Whispers--the hardcover edition runs to a whopping 605 pages (not including a multi-page character list), so it's a great example of Sequel Creep. Scholastic never gave it a paperback run, so Coville ended up buying back the rights and re-releasing it as smaller volumes (bringing the series to seven in all) to balance it back out a little. But still. It's a lot.

Coville says in the acknowledgements:

If I hadn't been painfully aware so many people were waiting for this story, I might have given up at any number of points along the way.So thanks, dear fans, it's been a long journey, and I literally could not have done it without you.

1) Awwww. 2) #relatable.

The Last Hunt is divided into sections based on time: 'Blood Moon Night," 'Day One of the Invasion,' and so on. The entire book spans about six days in all (five days + the Blood Moon), although there are lots of flashbacks and the last chapter opens with a time skip of several weeks. Suffice to say, this is one hell of a week. Each section is also captioned with a quote--sometimes from one of the Unicorn Chronicles, sometimes from Sun Tzu's The Art of War, which is unexpectedly plot-relevant.

We left off with Beloved and her army of Hunters invading Luster by ripping a hole in the Axis Mundi, the World Tree, with the intent to kill all the unicorns. The unicorns, led by the newly crowned Amalia Flickerfoot, must decide what to do next.

What follows: so many subplots, an inevitable quest, dragons, humans gonna humans, baleful polymorphs, dramatic battles, and a literal deus ex machina.

WHAT HAPPENS:

Lightfoot is right by the Axis Mundi when the gate opens, so he watches in horror as the Hunters come through. He tries to escape to warn the Queen, only to be pursued. To escape, he runs through the Gate to Earth, which for some reason burns people the second time around if they don't wait long enough (for reasons that make zero sense to me). Lightfoot finds himself in Beloved's keep in the Himalayas, and finds Cara's mother Martha asleep and pulls her out of the Rainbow Prison.

Fortunately, Martha was able to make contact with Ian and company long enough to learn how to pull them out, so she does. Lightfoot is afraid to go through the gate because he doesn't want to get crisped, so they wait until Beloved sends her troops after him, and then sneak in behind them. It turns out Fallon created the unicorns and is basically a deity.

Beloved has adopted a bunch of orphans -- girls abandoned by their families--whose purpose is to be unicorn bait. We meet one of them, Feng Quan, who is a total badass and a Sun Tzu stan, who is horrified when she witnesses a unicorn being slaughtered and jumps ship. Feng Quan runs into Belle, who has been haunted by the Whisperer (who knows Belle wants to be Queen) and convinces the skeptical warrior to take her to Amalia Flickerfoot.

Meanwhile the Geomancer M'Gama has been captured by the delvers, and Rocky and his reunited cove search for his teacher, the wizard Namza, who is turned to stone and having a lot of flashbacks. They eventually join up and work to stabilize Luster, which is devastated by increasingly severe earthquakes as  Beloved's gate is destroying the Axis Mundi and thus the entire world.

The queen sends Cara on another quest, this time to beg the dragon Grammaug for aid. (IDK while Amalia doesn't try to get all seven dragons, but okay, fine, whatever.) This time, it's only Cara and Medafil, because everyone else is busy. Cara encourages her grandmother to "think like a human" to outwit Beloved, which Feng Quan seconds when she arrives.

Grammaug turns out to be a dragon who turned into a human (it's complicated) and came to Luster because she was basically allergic to the world that all the other dragons went to when Bellemore opened THEIR gate. I thought that her story dragged on a little long, but it does eventually turn out to be relevant, since we are introduced to Transformational Magic, which can be moved around from person to person. Watch this space.

Hunters are looking for Cara, using special "blood trackers" that cannot be fooled, because Beloved wants her for unspecified reasons. Thomas the Tinker is also on his own quest to pick something up at the Queen's behest. The centaurs are having drama of their own as well. Ian tries to track Cara and gets captured by the delvers and taken to the king, who sends him to Beloved.

Grammaug agrees to help, but they are intercepted by the hunters on their journey back and Cara encounters Elihu, the mysterious "friend" Fallon has been searching for, who transforms her into a unicorn in order to lure the hunters off the scent.

Amalia and Feng Quan come up with a plan and send Grammaug to deliver a message, lying to the dragon about the details to mislead Beloved. Grimmwold summons the Queen's Players as part of the plan. Cara runs into Fallon, who reveals that Elihu created Luster, and was banished from the gods' realm because of it, and Fallon came down with him. Grammaug persuades Firethroat to join the battle; Firethroat is very pro eating humans, and agrees. The Whisperer uses Martha Hunter's anger about her mother to try and turn her against the unicorns.

Everyone converges on the Axis Mundi before the battle. We learn that a deity called Allura was responsible for sending the story of the Whisperer from the Chronicles and giving it to the centaurs and she made the Squijum. Like Fallon, she is searching for Elihu. Cara reveals her true identity, and reunites with her mother, who rejects the Whisperer.

Fallon summons the Whisperer and fights it to the death (Fallon's doesn't take). The group pieces together that the Dimblethum is Elihu--he returned to his true form when he betrayed Luster by helping Beloved with the Gate, only to revert back when he used his magic on Cara--and they must bring him back since he's the only one who can save Luster.

The Queen's Players stage a performance and Thomas produces a cockatrice who starts turning Hunters to stone. The dragons shoot flames, and the unicorns attack. Rajiv frees Ian in the chaos. Moonheart dies in the charge. Beloved is perplexed by the Whisperer's absence, and the centaurs and delvers arrive to join the fight. The Hunters flee back to Earth. The Axis Mundi splits in half and the dragons try to hold it together temporarily.

Cara attacks the delver king, who is trying to murder the Dimblethum, and the delver king falls into a conveniently opened hole in the ground and is swallowed up forever. Fallon uses transformational magic to swap places with Elihu so that Elihu can fix the tree. Elihu can't hold it alone, so Allura helps and both are swallowed up by the repaired tree. Graumag dies.

Beloved, believing Cara to be dead, takes Martha hostage and taunts Team Good. Cara reveals herself and Beloved begs for death. Cara tries to heal her and fails and Beloved dies.

Rajiv joins the Queen's Players. Cara is still a unicorn and no one can turn her back, but everyone's okay with it? The surviving Hunters are put to sleep and woken one by one and given the choice of staying in Luster or returning to earth; Feng Quan and Belle work with the maidens. The new Dimblethum and the Squijum visit the Axis Mundi every night to mourn their fellows and M'Gama and Namza are still in comas and we never learn their ultimate fate. Firethroat is in mourning and refuses to talk to anyone.

HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT:

"meh". So much happens and it's extremely epic, but I only care about half the characters, and the rest is just tedious. The whole deus ex machina thing could have been interesting, but wasn't--I could deal with ONE god running around but three was pushing it. The Dimblethum being Elihu was fine, but Fallon and Allura on top of that was too much. I would have preferred Grimmwold stepping in with a legend that allowed them to piece the answers together or something--not this.

It was hard to tease out what was relevant and what was a red herring (Felicity in the Rainbow prison, the Blind Man, etc). Lots of new characters, but I felt like the old characters were already underused - I wanted to see much more of Thomas and Grimmwold, for instance. Feng Quan, however, is absolutely awesome and I love her.  She and Belle are perfect together.

Cara ends up staying a unicorn was something I definitely did not see that one coming. Which makes Cara/Lightfoot the strongly implied endgame ship, which is just NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING WHEN I STARTED THIS SERIES, THAT'S ALL. They barely have any time together at all in this, even at the end, which makes me sad. Likewise, all that Lightfoot/Belle stuff never gets addressed.

IDK why Jaques keeps giving speeches about how he doesn't care if he and Cara are related by blood - they seem to be more for Cara's benefit than any character development/change.

Lightfoot's first glimpse of Earth (which he has never seen before) is incredibly poignant. So is his wandering around the deserted castle and struggling without hands. I wish he and Cara were able to discuss this, but NOPE, there is no time for discussion in this entire book, sigh.

The whole business about only going through the portal once in a given time period makes zero sense to me, especially given the established worldbuilding. It feels so contrived. Likewise, Belle and Martha are tempted by the Whisperer, which doesn't really go anywhere for either of them?

I don't know why Elihu smashes the amulet to transform Cara if there's this whole transformational magic thing going on. I still don't really get how that works.

I am also annoyed that Fallon deals with the Whisperer instead of the unicorns. So much for the unicorns "embracing their own darkness" and coming to terms with the fact that they screwed up in their ambition to be perfect.  What a wasted opportunity.

Also, it's book four, and we're only NOW finding out there's a prophecy that a scion of the hunters and the unicorns is the only one who can destroy Beloved?? Seems like we needed that earlier. We knew Beloved wanted Cara, we just didn't know WHY until the last possible minute. [Also, who told her that and why??] Without the Whisperer, Beloved is pretty helpless, which annoys me--I wanted her to be a villain in her own right.

Coville is very clear that Beloved tortures Ian, but like, only emotionally, because this is a kid's book, and that Elihu and Fallon are Definitely Not Gay For Each Other, which annoys me. (Coville is generally sympathetic towards queer folks; I really enjoyed his short story "Am I Blue?" which is about a literal fairy godparent and a working gaydar, so this was disappointing.)

The whole subplot with the Blind Man borrowing Ian's eyesight goes absolutely nowhere. I thought the Blind Man was going to play into the Luster drama somehow, but no, he's just some random magician who uses his deal with Ian to blind him at inopportune moments for reasons of his own that are never explained. WTF. This is one reason I hate Ian's subplot so much!!

Likewise, Martha seems cool, but her genuine beef with Ian, Beloved, and Ivy/Arabella get smoothed over and ignored because there's just zero time for anything in the midst of the chaos. Which is too bad!

The fact that the Squijum is the personal favorite creation/messenger of a god is just hilarious to me. Doesn't mean he isn't annoying af, though.

I WANTED ALL SEVEN DRAGONS AHHH.(though apparently there’s a secret eighth dragon no one talks about??WHAT???)

I think I'd be more okay with it if there was more time at the end to see the characters react and reflect--there's only one chapter, and it's not nearly enough. Is Lightfoot still Prince or is the Cara the heir now that she's a unicorn? How do THEY feel about that? That's another subplot from the previous books that just didn't go anywhere, and it bugs me.

(I was convinced Beloved was going to wake Martin Hunter from his sleep and have him lead the attack--like a reverse King Arthur--and I'm SO MAD THAT DIDN'T ACTUALLY HAPPEN...)

Also the fact that Cara has to mercy kill someone at the climax of not one but TWO BOOKS in this series... damn. I’d like to see some more reflection and thought about this after the fact.

Also, the whole thing with the delver-unicorn connection -- what kind of relationship are the two species going to have moving forward? RADIO SILENCE. What the hell did the other dragons think was happening during all this and why didn't they help/investigate? Are the Hunters going to stage a counterattack or disband now that they've lost their leader? Are the unicorns going to return to Earth or will it continue to be just the Guardian of Memory?? There are so many things that are just left hanging, and while MAYBE Coville will write another book to address these issues (it's happened before!) I am grumpy because I WANT TO KNOW, DAMN IT.

I had hoped on re-read I'd feel better about this, but I don't. I get to the end and I think "why?" which is not a great feeling to have. IDK what exactly I expected from this series--it definitely delivers in some ways, and in others, it totally falls short. I’m still impressed Coville managed to finish and it’s not entirely his fault that the results didn’t match up with my expectations, but it’s still sad that older!Me isn’t more excited about the end results.

*sigh* Maybe older!Me will buckle down and write a fix-it fic or two to make younger!Me happy. Currently, the only Unicorn Chronicles fic on A03 is a complicated crossover between LOTR and various other media featuring a human!Lightfoot, which I probably will never read, but it makes me happy to know it exists. FFN has more stories, but this was never a popular fandom, so the field is wide open for anything I want to do with it (more so than usual). Also, it seems I wasn't the only person of a certain age imagining self-insert fic in this universe, which is oddly reassuring.

[richincolor]

There are so many books out this week, and we’re thrilled! Which of these are on your TBR list?

The Everlasting Rose (The Belles #2) by Dhonielle Clayton Freeform

In this sequel to the instant New York Times bestseller, Camille, her sister Edel, and her guard and new love Remy must race against time to find Princess Charlotte. Sophia’s Imperial forces will stop at nothing to keep the rebels from returning Charlotte to the castle and her rightful place as queen. With the help of an underground resistance movement called The Iron Ladies-a society that rejects beauty treatments entirely-and the backing of alternative newspaper The Spider’s Web, Camille uses her powers, her connections and her cunning to outwit her greatest nemesis, Sophia, and restore peace to Orleans.

The Last 8 (The Last 8 #1) by Laura Pohl Sourcebooks Fire

A high-stakes survival story about eight teenagers who outlive an alien attack—perfect for fans of The 5th Wave

Clover Martinez has always been a survivor, which is the only reason she isn’t among the dead when aliens invade and destroy Earth as she knows it.

When Clover hears an inexplicable radio message, she’s shocked to learn there are other survivors—and that they’re all at the former Area 51. When she arrives, she’s greeted by a band of misfits who call themselves The Last Teenagers on Earth.

Only they aren’t the ragtag group of heroes Clover was expecting. The group seems more interested in hiding than fighting back, and Clover starts to wonder if she was better off alone. But then she finds a hidden spaceship, and she doesn’t know what to believe…or who to trust.

Barely Missing Everything by Matt Mendez Atheneum/Caitlyn Dlouhy Books

Juan has plans. He’s going to get out of El Paso, Texas, on a basketball scholarship and make something of himself—or at least find something better than his mom Fabi’s cruddy apartment, her string of loser boyfriends, and a dead dad. Basketball is going to be his ticket out, his ticket up. He just needs to make it happen.

His best friend JD has plans, too. He’s going to be a filmmaker one day, like Quinten Tarantino or Guillermo del Toro (NOT Steven Spielberg). He’s got a camera and he’s got passion—what else could he need?

Fabi doesn’t have a plan anymore. When you get pregnant at sixteen and have been stuck bartending to make ends meet for the past seventeen years, you realize plans don’t always pan out, and that there some things you just can’t plan for…

Like Juan’s run-in with the police, like a sprained ankle, and a tanking math grade that will likely ruin his chance at a scholarship. Like JD causing the implosion of his family. Like letters from a man named Mando on death row. Like finding out this man could be the father your mother said was dead.

Soon Juan and JD are embarking on a Thelma and Louise­–like road trip to visit Mando. Juan will finally meet his dad, JD has a perfect subject for his documentary, and Fabi is desperate to stop them. But, as we already know, there are some things you just can’t plan for…

Dealing in Dreams by Lilliam Rivera Simon Schuster Books for Young Readers

At night, Las Mal Criadas own these streets.

Nalah leads the fiercest all-girl crew in Mega City. That roles brings with it violent throw downs and access to the hottest boydega clubs, but the sixteen-year-old grows weary of the life. Her dream is to get off the streets and make a home in the exclusive Mega Towers, in which only a chosen few get to live. To make it to the Mega towers, Nalah must prove her loyalty to the city’s benevolent founder and cross the border in a search for a mysterious gang the Ashé Ryders. Led by a reluctant guide, Nalah battles other crews and her own doubts, but the closer she gets to her goal, the more she loses sight of everything—and everyone— she cares about.

Nalah must do the unspeakable to get what she wants—a place to call home. But is a home just where you live? Or who you choose to protect?

Opposite of Always by Justin A. Reynolds Katherine Tegen Books

Jack Ellison King. King of Almost.

He almost made valedictorian.

He almost made varsity.

He almost got the girl . . .

When Jack and Kate meet at a party, bonding until sunrise over their mutual love of Froot Loops and their favorite flicks, Jack knows he’s falling—hard. Soon she’s meeting his best friends, Jillian and Franny, and Kate wins them over as easily as she did Jack. Jack’s curse of almost is finally over.

But this love story is . . . complicated. It is an almost happily ever after. Because Kate dies. And their story should end there. Yet Kate’s death sends Jack back to the beginning, the moment they first meet, and Kate’s there again. Beautiful, radiant Kate. Healthy, happy, and charming as ever. Jack isn’t sure if he’s losing his mind. Still, if he has a chance to prevent Kate’s death, he’ll take it. Even if that means believing in time travel. However, Jack will learn that his actions are not without consequences. And when one choice turns deadly for someone else close to him, he has to figure out what he’s willing to do—and let go—to save the people he loves.

The Shadowglass (The Bone Witch #3) by Rin Chupeco Sourcebooks Fire

The dramatic finale to The Bone Witch series! Tea’s dark magic eats away at her, but she must save the one she loves most, even while her life—and the kingdoms—are on the brink of destruction.

In the Eight Kingdoms, none have greater strength or influence than the asha, who hold elemental magic. But only a bone witch has the power to raise the dead. Tea has used this dark magic to breathe life into those she has loved and lost…and those who would join her army against the deceitful royals. But Tea’s quest to conjure a shadowglass, to achieve immortality for the one person she loves most in the world, threatens to consume her.

Tea’s heartsglass only grows darker with each new betrayal. Her work with the monstrous azi, her thirst for retribution, her desire to unmask the Faceless—they all feed the darkrot that is gradually consuming her heartsglass. She is haunted by blackouts and strange visions, and when she wakes with blood on her hands, Tea must answer to a power greater than the elder asha or even her conscience. Tea’s life—and the fate of the kingdoms—hangs in the balance.

The Quiet You Carry by Nikki Barthelmess Flux

Victoria Parker knew her dad’s behavior toward her was a little unusual, but she convinced herself everything was fine—until she found herself locked out of the house at 3:00 a.m., surrounded by flashing police lights.

Now, dumped into a crowded, chaotic foster home, Victoria has to tiptoe around her domineering foster mother, get through senior year at a new school, and somehow salvage her college dreams . . . all while keeping her past hidden.

But some secrets won’t stay buried—especially when unwanted memories make Victoria freeze up at random moments and nightmares disrupt her sleep. Even worse, she can’t stop worrying about her stepsister Sarah, left behind with her father. All she wants is to move forward, but how do you focus on the future when the past won’t leave you alone?

You Asked for Perfect by Laura Silverman Sourcebooks Fire

Senior Ariel Stone is the perfect college applicant: first chair violin, dedicated community volunteer, and expected valedictorian. He works hard – really hard – to make his life look effortless. A failed Calculus quiz is not part of that plan. Not when he’s number one. Not when his peers can smell weakness like a freshman’s body spray.

Figuring a few all-nighters will preserve his class rank, Ariel throws himself into studying. His friends will understand if he skips a few plans, and he can sleep when he graduates. Except Ariel’s grade continues to slide. Reluctantly, he gets a tutor. Amir and Ariel have never gotten along, but Amir excels in Calculus, and Ariel is out of options.

Ariel may not like Calc, but he might like Amir. Except adding a new relationship to his long list of commitments may just push him past his limit.

[fatihdaily]

Mehmed Bir Cihan Fatihi episode 1 - summary

It is quite long, so I put it behind the cut.

The episode begins with a vision of little Mehmed accompanied by a voice-over of adult Mehmed. Mehmed recalls how he became a sultan before he turned 12, and how he always dreamed to prove himself on a battlefield, especially to his father (and to fight with his father on campaigns). He ends the monologue with stating that when his dream was about to be fulfilled, it didn’t happen as he had hoped…

Then we see the 2nd battle of Kosovo in 1448 in which Mehmed took part, and after the battle scene we see Sultan Murad II talking to his pashas. Murad is told by Çandarlı Halil Pasha that while they won the battle, their losses are huge (21,000 dead). Candarli blames everything on Mehmed’s recklessness. Lala Pasha (Mehmed’s teacher) defends Mehmed, stressing his bravery. Mehmed finally arrives to his father’s camp and explains that everything would have been different if they had finally conquered Constantinople. He then tries to explain his plans about how to conquer the city to his father and the pashas, while Murad tries to stop him. Ultimately, Çandarlı tells him not to speak anymore and says conquering Constatinople is impossible otherwise his father would have done it already. 

Next scene is set in 1451, in Edirne. Murad lies on his deathbed and Çandarlı is by his side. Murad warns Çandarlı that Mehmed’s dream about Constantinople may be disastrous for the Empire. Murad dies and Çandarlı forbids anyone to announce that the padishah died.

In Manisa, Mehmed sees Daye Hatun, who tells him that his son Bayezid misses his mother, Gülbahar. She pleads that  Gülbahar had no bad intentions, only defended Mehmed to Murad. Mehmed replies she shouldn’t have interfered in his relations with his father and that she must suffer her punishment (exile).

Back in Edirne, Çandarlı tells his daughter Melike he doesn’t want anyone to know about Murad’s death. He still however sends a messenger to Mehmed to Manisa, informing him about his father’s death. Ishak Pasha talks about this with Çandarlı, teling him that Mehmed must remember when the two of them dethroned him when he was a child sultan and as such may now take revenge and execute them. Ishak proposes crowning Şehzade Orhan, a hostage in Byzantium, instead, especially since Constantinople is closer to Edirne than Manisa. Çandarlı however replies that the state is more important than their heads, but they will still try to save their lives.

In Constantionople, Orhan is invited to Emperor Constantine because of a letter that came addressed to him from Edirne. When Orhan visits Contantine, the Emperior tells him that Çandarlı sent a message stating that Sultan Murad had died. Constantine wants to put Orhan on the Ottoman throne because he knows Orhan will continue Murad’s non-aggressive policy towards Byzantium. He gives Orhan his soldiers and also arranges a  political marriage between his Grand Duke Notaras’ daughter Eleni and Orhan.

Eleni is a well-educated young girl, interested in architecture, who has no plans of getting married. She’s angry and upset at the prospect of marrying Orhan also because she considers Ottomans to be barbarians. 

Mehmed and his people prepare for the journey to Edirne. Sahabettin Pasha suggests to Zaganos Pasha they may finally have revenge on Çandarlı, but Sahabettin rejects the idea. Mara Hatun comes to say goodbye to her stepson and Mehmed thanks her for everything and asks for her blessing. She tells him to remove doubts from his heart and that he’s always been worthy of his father and will always be.

Constantine goes to a witch to ask her who will ascend the Ottoman throne, Orhan or Mehmed. She however refuses to tell him anything until he “stops holding Orhan’s hand”.

Grand Duke Loukas Notaras is a leader of a secret anti-Ottoman group aiming to protect Byzantium. He asks one of the members to assassinate Mehmed on his way to Edirne and other members to protect and supportt Orhan. The person entrusted with the task asks for help a mysterious woman, Evdoksiya. Eleni begs her father not to sell her for Byzantium, but Notaras replies he would sacrifice a thousand of his children for Byzantium. Eleni curses her father and vows revenge on him. Constantine says he doesn’t trust Çandarlı and his brother Demetrios says he doesn’t trust Orhan because he may turn against Byzantium to prove himself. Theodora tells Constantine marrying Eleni to Orhan against her will may turn out to be a bad idea because she’s seen the despair, fire and anger in the girl’s’ eyes, and this anger may later be turned against them. It is revealed Theodora and Demetrios are in a relationship.

Meanwhile, Mehmed and his people find Evdoksiya on the route. She pretends to be hurt as a result of a bandit attack. Mehmed however correctly guesses that those are not bandits, but the Byzantines, who were informed about his father’s death by Çandarlı. Mehmed and his people come to face the Byzantines in the “trap” and defeat them. After the fight is over, one of Mehmed’s men thanks the unconscious Evdoksiya for winning some time for their cause. Delibaș tells Mehmed they should not abandon Evdoksiya in her condition. Later at night, Delibas says hopefully Evdoksiya will survive because Mehmed will likely want to reward her for warning him about the trap. When Delibaș and other Mehmed’s men leave sleeping Evdoksiya in a tent, she wakes up, takes a knife and approaches Mehmed’s tent. However, Mehmed unexpectedly orders his people to leave before the night is over. Delibaș notes Evdoksiya disappeared. Indeed, she took one of their horses and galloped away.

Orhan has nightmares in which he has flashbacks of himself as a young boy witnessing the execution of his father upon the order of Murad II. Eleni comes to the tent and scared Orhan awakens and attacks her. She explains she only came to fetch a blanket and he tells her to sleep in his tent instead and goes outside and sits by the fire, but painful flashbacks still haunt him.

Meanwhile, Byzantines get in touch with Ishak Pasha and promise him riches and the position of Grand Vizier if he supports Orhan in winning the throne. Ishak agrees and goes to see a janissary commander, Kurcu Dogan, whom he also bribes and promises money for all janissaries if they support Orhan. He confides in Kurcu Murad is dead and the new padishah should obey old rules and traditions, not be a dreamer. One of young recruits, Korkut, listens to the conversation, unnoticed by both men.

Çandarlı receives a Hungarian envoy, who informs him that if Mehmed ascends the throne, the Hungarian king will terminate the peace treaty.

Esleme, Çandarlı s younger daughter, meets Korkut and prompts him to ask for her hand. She says her mother was also commoner, yet her father married her anyway because he loved her. Korkut tells her what he heard in the janissary quarters and asks Esleme to tell her father what is happening behind his back. He also promises not to tell this to anyone else, hoping to win Çandarlı’s favour.

Melike tells Çandarlı Halil Pasha what Korkus overheard. Çandarlı states someone tries to play them and demands Melike to say who told her such things. Melike refuses to tell, and Çandarlı pushes her angrily at the door. Esleme appears and Candarli leaves. Melike says to Esleme she’s willing to sacrifice her own life for Mehmed’s sake and that their father won’t rest until he finds the pasha who bribed the janissaries into rebelling against Mehmed.

Evdoksiya arrives in harbour where she meets with her people, who are disappointed in her failure to kill Mehmed. She however informs them about Mehmed’s plan to cross the Dardanelles Strait.

When Mehmed and his people reach Dardanelles, they notice Byzantine soldiers waiting on a ship to prevent them from crossing. Mehmed’s pashas try to dissuade him from attempting to cross, but Mehmed is insistent. He looks at the full moon and prays to Allah to help him. Mehmend and Delibaș begin to swim cross the strait in a boat, others for the time being stay on the shore. When the Byzantine soldiers are ready to shoot their arrows, darkness covers everything… It’s eclipse of the moon! Byzantines cannot see anything, while Mehmed and Delibaș arrive safely on the other side and sent a signal to others.

Delibaș tells Mehmed it was God’s miracle. He didn’t believe some saying earlier that Mehmed had God’s favour, but the year Mehmed was born was a very good one, with many children  being born and cows giving a lot of milk, so perhaps it wasn’t a coincidence after all. Mehmed shows Delibaș his drawings and informs his loyal soldier he predicted the eclipse and that’s why he was so insistent on crossing Dardanells.

Mehmed then prays for his father to reunite with his beloved son and Mehmed’s elder brothre, Alaeddin. There is a flashback in which we see a young Mehmed constantly ignored by his father and scoffed at for dreaming about conquering Byzantium, while Alaeddin was called his father’s shadow on Earth and future great Sultan. We also see young Mehmed asking Çandarlı what will happen to him once Ali ascends the throne,to which Candarli replies: “what tradition dictates”. Then we see Murad mourning the dead Ali, with Mehmed watching. Mehmed’s voice-over tells us that he knew then that his father would have rather seen him dead, not Ali. Murad requested to be buried next to Ali. Mehmed says his biggest wish was not to become a sultan, but to be buried next to his father.

Adult Mehmed then talks to little Mehmed. Little Mehmed asks him what his first step as a sultan will be: pursuing his dream or taking revenge?

We see Çandarlı confronting Ishak Pasha about telling someone of their plans. It is revealed Çandarlı co-operates with Ishak and the Byzantines and had known everything before Melike told him.

Demetrios comes to Constantine to inform him that Mehmed crossed the Dardanelles safely.

Çandarlı  confronts Kurcu and pretends he hasn’t been involved in the plot against Mehmed and threatens the janissary commander. Kurcu then goes to the quarters and announces Murad’s death. He tells his janissaries they demand a new sultan and their due pay. Everyone in the quarters shouts the same. The janissaries then marched out of their quarters.

Melike comes to her father to enquire whether he did everything about she had told him. Çandarlı only tells her that janissaries obey commands, not play games. Melike is insistent: will the unworthy Orhan get the throne or Mehmed, who deserves it? Çandarlı i only tells her to pray for herself, her father and their ruler.

Janissaries meet Çandarlı and then go together with him outside the city, where they encounter Mehmed. Orhan arrives a bit later and stays behind. Çandarlı and Mehmed look at each other… suddenly Mara appears with people who support Mehmed. Çandarlı and the janissaries finally bow to Mehmed and he rides on his horse into the city.

[kinsale42-blog]

Excerpt: Illumination

Khadgar/Kinsale (original character) (m/f, PG-13)

 PROLOGUE

 On a good night she'd dream of childhood picnics on the Lordamere shore: skipping stones and playing tag with her older brother and two younger sisters while her mother and father sat by a campfire, roasting fresh caught fish and the potatoes they'd brought with them from the garden.

 "Don't get your feet wet!" Mother would shout, reminding them of the scary stories they'd been told of toothy monsters in the depths, the murlocs and threshfins, that might erupt from the water to swallow small children whole. But they weren't really frightened so much as circumspect, observing the ritual the same way they avoided stepping on cracks in the paving and held their breath as they crossed bridges. The lake was always so lovely in those dreams.

 After they'd eaten, the family would pack up their things and climb up on their ponies for the afternoon trek back up into the hills to Strahnbrad. Every trip, when they reached that last overlook before they lost sight of the lake, they would turn and watch as the evening came down and the night torches flickered on in the far off city. The sky would fade towards violet and the lake would deepen into a mystical, enchanting blue.

 When she awoke from these dreams, she thought she would never see the like of that blue again. After all the war and treachery that led to the ruin of their peaceful lives and their home in Alterac, she was not convinced there was anything left so pure in all the world.

 Until that day in Draenor.

 ***

 ***

 Kinsale would not have advanced to the level of expedition garrison commander if she had not been so diligent in successfully completing hundreds of assigned missions over the years. As a paladin, she strove to provide thoughtful service toward all of Azeroth, man and beast, in the name of the Light. She felt she owed much to the kindness of her foster family, and aimed to honor their gift to her as best she could by protecting others who could not protect themselves. It kept her going.

 But that day, as dusk drew down upon the Shadowmoon forests, Kinsale saw that miraculous color once more and a new spark was kindled within her. She was handing over her latest report at Starfall Outpost when she looked up into Khadgar's eyes and was struck by fathomless depths of that same twilit-Lordamere blue that haunted her dreams. It took her breath away.

 "Kinsale, you are my champion," he said. He held her soul in his gaze, whether he knew it or not, and those words locked it in. Suddenly she was no longer a mere servant of the people and a dutiful steward of the Light.

 She was Khadgar's champion.

 All the times before when she had reported to him directly, worked side by side with him to ensure the success of a mission, all that time and she had never really seen him before. Never caught a glimpse of the man he was. Never thought she could possibly have any impact on his life.

 Everyone knew about him. They knew the power he wielded, the victories he'd achieved, the trials he'd endured, the pain he'd suffered. Kinsale had always accepted these things at face value. She knew him to be a good man, a talented mage, willing and able to use his skills to protect and defend not just the Alliance but all of Azeroth and beyond. She respected him for all this.

 But did he not just tell her that she was one who could act for him where he could not, that she was his shield, his sword, his light against the darkness of the world? Was she not his own champion?

 The forest was suddenly alive with scent and the rustling of leaves on the evening breeze. His words were like melody in the twilight, and she could still see his eyes radiant in the soft glow of his staff and the flicker of the watchfire. She found her voice at last.

 "It is truly good to serve you, sir," she said, and quietly took her leave.

 Khadgar watched after her as she faded into the shadows around the camp, stretching his awareness as far as he dared without shifting his presence. He had felt something change during their conversation, but he hesitated to question his instinct too closely, and he'd learned decades ago to forgo magic where friendships were concerned. He let her slip away, and after a few moments, he returned to his work.

 ***

 For days, she saw his face wherever she looked. Every action carried a new weight of honor and tribute. Every task was now completed with joy, knowing that every moment brought her closer to seeing him again.

 Then the announcement arrived. The Burning Legion was once again mounting an attack upon Azeroth. The rumor was that this was the biggest incursion ever seen. All hands were being summoned to Stormwind Harbor for immediate deployment.

 The Burning Legion. Khadgar had been battling to save Azeroth from it since he was barely an apprentice. Each invading wave had gradually been beaten back, at much cost to the people and the environment of his beloved world. Every encounter took the lives of many valiant folk, soldier and civilian alike, yet the demons kept pouring out of the hellish green portals to corrupt the people and suck the land and its creatures dry of life energy. It seemed never-ending until suddenly the demons would withdraw, vanishing back to their own realm to recharge for the next attempt to conquer Azeroth. Sometimes it was almost too much to bear.

 Kinsale steeled herself for prolonged battle. She knew that paladins were traditionally the front line for fighting demons, indeed, she had been on that front line more than once. She had heard whispers that a new force would be joining them, a group of demon hunters specially bred or trained to hunt down and eradicate the Burning Legion. Followers of Illidan they said, imprisoned for years beyond counting because of their too-close relationship to fel energies. If fighters such as these were to be drafted, the threat must be serious indeed.

 The battle for Broken Shore itself was mostly a show of force. Gul'dan bared his teeth and flashed his weapons but allowed a fair percentage of troops to escape his clutches. Even so, many fell that day, from fresh recruits to kings. Many more, including her own mentor, had been captured. It was a both a threat and a distraction, for while they fought in the Broken Isles, the Legion was sending out invasion forces across both Eastern Kingdoms and Kalimdor to harry the civilian population and demoralize the garrisons.

 After paying her respects to the old king and swearing fealty to the new king in Stormwind, she met with the Illidari envoy. He had much to show her about the insidious infiltration of the Legion into Azeroth's everyday affairs. Kinsale agreed that swift action must be taken, and gathered her loyal troops to fight the demon commanders wherever they made landfall. She hesitated to put full trust in the Illidari until they had been tested, and proved themselves, but she approached every new potential ally in the same way. As it was, they showed themselves to be able combatants in the face of the demon armies, energetic and fearless against the Legion's campaign of terror.

 After two weeks of ceaseless assault across the globe, the fel forces withdrew slightly, and Kinsale took the opportunity to go off-world to her Draenor garrison for a night's rest and a few hot meals and a chance to wash the stink of battle from her skin.

 She was buckling on her traveling gear for the return to Stormwind when the innkeeper tapped on the door. It opened, and Khadgar's arcane servant glided into the room. The innkeeper tactfully withdrew and closed the door.

 "Commander," it said, with Khadgar's voice, "I need to present a plan to the Council in Dalaran and I would value your support. If there are any questions about the recent battles, your first-hand experience would provide for accurate answers, and your reporting is always detailed and to the point. Would you please join me in Dalaran as soon as possible? I have prepared my servant to offer you immediate teleportation." With that, the arcane servant began channeling a teleportation spell. Kinsale picked up her pack and her heavy mace, and stepped through the portal. She wasn't sure if her heart raced from the effects of arcane transportation or from the thought of standing beside Khadgar once more.

 She strode purposefully across Dalaran from the portal exit zone to the Violet Citadel, where Khadgar waited outside, planning out his speech to the Council of Six.

 "Khadgar. Archmage. I came as soon as I received your message." Kinsale did not feel like a fluttery schoolgirl with a crush. She felt like a burning meteor hurtling towards the earth, direct and aflame with certainty. She was meant to fight for him, and in doing so, she would fight for Azeroth and the survival of all its creatures.

 His eyes softened at the sight of her. Even weary from days of battle she glowed with the force of the Light. The lilt in her voice reminded him of her Dwarven fostering. There is still good in this world, he reminded himself, there is still much to defend from evil.

 "Kinsale," he replied, "it is very good to see you. Please, walk with me and I will explain my plan." They walked slowly towards the council chamber as he detailed that for which he sought to obtain approval from the Council of Six. "This may be awkward, because some have suffered much and are not yet able to see clear of revenge and pain. We must be patient with the suffering, but we cannot allow it to stand in the way of a unified fight against the Legion." His face turned grim for a moment. She felt a brief crackle in the air as his anger flared up but was swiftly brought under control.

 Side by side, shoulders nearly touching, they turned together and entered the council chamber.

 ***

 The council session was just the beginning of a long day of adventure in search of answers that took them at last to Karazhan, the echoing tower of secrets and strange occurrences, the place where Khadgar had been forced to kill his mentor and was subsequently cursed to appear prematurely aged. In recent years the effects of this curse seemed to have waned, whether through natural decay or curative magic, Kinsale did not know. She was fairly certain, however, that Khadgar did not lightly suggest a trip to Karazhan, in any circumstances.

 "I have many memories of this place," he said as they entered the ruined halls. "Most have affected me deeply. I still remember good times alongside the tragedy." He smiled. "The best of all was the library. So many wonders, so many fascinating histories. Records of amazing  accomplishments and mundane details of everyday lives. It represents the full spectrum of life on Azeroth. I am always pleased to return to the library."

 Kinsale nodded as she followed him up the stairs. "Books can be very powerful things," she said.

 They soon reached the library, after dealing with some unruly sentries and strengthening the wards against demonic intrusion. Somewhere in the stacks there was record of a collection of artifacts that, when brought together, could be instrumental in eradicating the Legion and saving the world. They just had to find it.

 Some time later, when they were both a bit covered in dust and cobwebs, Khadgar shouted from the other side of the room, "Ah! I found it!"

 Kinsale replaced the book she had just pulled from the shelf and ran to peer over his shoulder at the text. In his hands the runes glowed faintly as he turned the pages.

 "This doesn't give us specific locations, but it does have a lot of background material about the Pillars of Creation. It should give us an excellent start at tracking them down." He closed the book and his face brightened. "If what we learned from Magni in Ulduar is correct, I think we just might stand a chance, Kinsale. I have hope for the future again."

 "And now," he said, brushing a cobweb off his sleeve, "I could use a drink. Research is thirsty work." He reached over and wiped a smudge of dust off of Kinsale's face and smiled. "Portal to Dalaran? I have a discount at the Legerdemain."

 Kinsale smiled back. "Sure! I am always up for a pint, especially after good news."

 ***

 They had ensured the book was secure with Archmage Modera before heading over to the inn for a refreshing beverage. Two pints later, Kinsale felt like it was entirely natural for her to be spending the entire day with the charismatic presumptive Guardian of Azeroth.

 "There was one time," he was telling her, "when I was having my bath and a spider crawled up on the edge of the tub--a TINY spider, mind you, not one of those Duskwood monstrosities--and I was startled and instinctively iceblocked. Definitely NOT recommended while in the bath. Completely froze the bathwater." He shivered just remembering it. "Took me a while to recover from that one."

 She laughed heartily. "That's better than the time in Shattrath when I had just learned to fly a gryphon solo and I summoned my mount and rode off the edge of Aldor rise because it was easier than a direct take-off, and too late discovered that I had summoned my ram instead of my gryphon. Hahahahaha, I spent some quality time with the spirit healer after that one. And me having spent my teens with the Wildhammers!"

 Khadgar laughed with her. He was really quite attractive when he was happy and his eyes twinkled. Kinsale didn't think it was beer goggles. She was pretty sure she'd left those in her bank vault. It didn't even occur to her that he was thinking about her along similar lines.

 "You know what the best thing about drinking with a mage is?" he asked.

 "What's that?" Kinsale tilted her head, trying to guess the answer.

 "Portal pub crawls! Where should we go next? What are all your favorite inns?"

 "OH! Let's go to Ironforge, where I first discovered cherry grog when I was a freshly minted paladin." She downed the last of her ale as he got up and prepared the portal.

 ***

 "Ah, Ironforge. And nearly Brewfest season, too." Khadgar was preparing to share another amusing anecdote, she could tell. "One time I got so schnockered at Brewfest, I was polymorphing critters, and I turned a rabbit into a sheep, then into a chicken, then into a stag (I'd been practicing a new spell based on druidic shapeshifting) and then I don't remember what happened next. I woke up the next morning with a huge hangover and hearing rumors of a strange beast that appeared to folks after they'd had too many brews. They called it a "wolpertinger" and supposedly you can still see it if you imbibe a few too many at Brewfest." He laughed, greatly amused at the memory.

 Kinsale chuckled too. This was the best time she'd had in a long time. She had taken the responsibility of the Draenor garrison so seriously that she avoided revels and hadn't really socialized much at all. But if an archmage could find time, surely so could she? And the grog really was making her feel quite warm and fuzzy.

 "Where are we going for our next round?" she asked. "Your pick."

 "Hmmmm," he considered, looking at her thoughtfully. "I know a great place for fish and chips." And he opened a portal to Shattrath.

 ***

 "I always liked Shattrath," she said, swallowing a large bite of crispy golden darter. "But I am sort of attuned to the Light, so I guess it's only natural."

 Khadgar wasn't as riotous as he had been in Ironforge. He seemed to have settled into a more contented semi-inebriated state, with a soft smile that never left his face.

 "The Light is an amazing thing," he said. "The time I spent here after I was cursed, it did a lot to heal me. A'dal taught me much that I would not have learned otherwise. It's my belief that together the Light and the arcane create a better resistance to the powers of void and fel than either would alone. And yet some Light-bearers are so unwilling to accept arcane-wielders and vice versa."

 "I've never understood how some of my Light-bearing comrades could be so quick to dismiss the arcane as a power for good. They always point at the mana-addicts to prove how corrupting magic can be, and deny everything positive that has ever come from the arcane community. Power can corrupt anyone, arcane or holy. I mean, just look at the Scarlet Crusade."

 "Precisely," Khadgar agreed. "It comes down to lust for power, really. I mean, Sargeras, as a titan, even a fallen titan, already has so much power that he must have a different agenda. But every being that has ever submitted to his design has sought the power he promised. To fight it we have to hold on to our humanity. We have to see the goodness in the world." He sighed. Kinsale was reminded of the late Archmage Rhonin's speech to Dalaran after the fall of Algalon.

 "I need another drink," he said. "Where to? Your turn to choose."

 Kinsale considered for a moment. "How about Halfhill Market Inn? The drinks are strong, the beds are soft, and if we get kicked out we can always crash at the farm. Also, the Pandaren are geniuses with hangover cures."

 "Done," replied Khadgar and created the portal.

 ***

 A few Pandaren brews later, neither Kinsale nor Khadgar were too steady on their feet. They sat together in a corner booth, leaning against each other for support.

 "This was a grand idea, Khadgar," said Kinsale, forming her words carefully. "I haven't had a night like this in absolutely ages. My dwarven friends would be so proud."

 He turned to smile at her, close enough to feel his breath on her cheek. "We should do this more often. You know, to honor your dwarven friends. Or something." In the corner of the room a moth suddenly turned into a rabbit with a little puff of smoke. "I have lots more stories, and I would be very pleased to hear more of yours. I only know what the records tell of you and what I learned in Draenor."

 "And," he said, poking her in the shoulder, "I was very disappointed you didn't work with me to get yourself a legendary ring."

 "Ahhhhh," she replied. "I have never been that interested in glory, and there was so much at the garrison to look after, and the shipyard, and supplying everyone with resources to share out among the locals. I just didn't really have the time or the um, the er, uh," she tried desperately to think of the word she meant, "      inclination    ."

 "Oh, well, if everyone had a legendary they wouldn't be so legendary, I suppose." He winked at her.

 "So true. One more round before sleep? I'm guessing there will be work to be done tomorrow." Kinsale yawned. Her head drifted a little closer to Khadgar's shoulder and he detected a hint of scent rising in the warmth from her body. He had wished for such simple moments for so many years and had so few opportunities to experience them. This was a gift indeed and he treasured it, though it was a small thing.

 "Barkeep? One more round please!" He looked down at Kinsale, who was yawning again. "And then someone to tuck us into our beds."

 ***

 Kinsale woke early the next morning, but the open accommodation loft in the inn was empty except for her. On the chest beside the bed there was a small glass of the famous Pandaren hangover cure, a large steaming mug that smelled like coffee, and a small blue mana gem. She sat up on the edge of the bed, downed the contents of the glass, took a deep draught of the coffee, and picked up the mana gem. It made her fingers tingle slightly and she heard Khadgar's voice, seemingly from inside her head.

 "Good morning! I really quite enjoyed the evening's travels and wanted to thank you for sharing it with me. I'm sorry I had to return to Dalaran so very early, I was looking forward to breakfast. I'll have to owe you one. But we're preparing to relocate the city to the Broken Isles and of course I must be there. Please join me when you've rested and we will begin the search for the Pillars."

 She took her time getting prepared for the day. It may have been a result of the overindulgence the night before, but she carried a vague sense of unease within her. Kinsale carefully probed the possible reasons for this. Was she becoming too personally attached to Khadgar too quickly? She really didn't know him that well, beyond what everyone else knew. One could never seem to escape the rumours that he had been corrupted when Medivh cursed him so long ago. And now he was carrying Medivh's infamous staff, Atiesh, and using raven form when it suited him. Khadgar claimed to have no wish to be named the new Guardian of Tirisfal, but he had taken up the trappings and was known to wield the powerful magic of former Guardians.

 Kinsale followed this to another potential problem. Was the quest to locate and bring together the Pillars of Creation really one that would save Azeroth or one that would doom it to destruction by giving the Legion, or some other dark force, the tools of the titans? Could a corrupt Khadgar really be orchestrating all this?

 There were so many questions and so few definite answers. She stood on the porch of the Halfhill Market Inn and gazed out over the fields, watching the mist rise up from the crops in the morning sunlight. There were many doubts, yet there was also that small glowing candle-flame of warmth within her. She had faith in the Light, and knew that it could see much that was invisible to mere humans. If she could just trust in the Light to guide her, as she had so many times before, then she could be at peace with whatever happened.

 The selfish part of her hoped that it would involve Khadgar being as honorable as he seemed.

full text available at http://archiveofourown.org/works/8320099

[gillian-ybabez]

The New Interview with a Vampire Part 3

<<Previous

“We are back talking to Monica the commander of the space mission to Kepler 186. Why don’t you tell us a little about Kepler 186,” the host prompted me.

“Kepler 186 is a star system about five hundred light years from Earth. We’re heading to the fifth planet out. It is slightly bigger than Earth so higher gravity but we think has a chance at being human habitable.”

“How habitable are we talking? Sunny tropical beaches?”

I chuckled. “Not that sunny. At noon, Kepler 186 is barely brighter than our sun is at sunset.”

“Sounds like a perfect place for vampires.”

“That’s something we’re going to find out. We honestly don’t know if it’s just our sun that will burn vampires or any sun.”

“The scientist at the space agency haven’t run tests? Have they tried using sun lamps?” The audience laughed.

“Ha, no most of the testing with sun lamps was done a couple of hundred years ago.”

“Was that when vampires became public knowledge?” she asked.

“Not exactly. There have calls to go public since before I became a vampire. I saw several during my first century but they always got shot down by older vampires afraid humans would try to exterminate all of us. It was a valid concern so no one went beyond suggesting we go public.”

“What changed?”

“IDs.”

“IDs?” the host asked.

“Yep. In 2234, the Global Identification System changed its encryption schema and made it virtually impossible to create new fake IDs. It was common at the time for vampires to change identities every forty to fifty years. Suddenly it looked like we were going to be locked out of human society and forced back into haunting abandoned buildings. Without the appearance of legal identification, we couldn’t own property, we couldn’t have jobs, we couldn’t receive mail, we couldn’t travel. It was the end of the world for us. Then someone suggested we go public. This time the idea wasn’t shot down right out of the gate. There was a year long debate weighing every possible pro and con. And in the end, enough of us said yes.

“I wish I could read those comments.”

“Actually you can. Someone compiled the discussion into a book after we were recognized as full citizens in 2262. It’s titled Road From Out the Coffin. Horrible title but the content is good.

“How did that lead to scientists running tests on vampires?”

“Right got sidetracked for a second. Basically, some of us revealed ourselves to doctors around the world and let them run whatever test they wanted on us to prove we weren’t vampires. Of course, they got odd to weird results back but couldn’t prove we weren’t vampires. With this wide range of doctors saying “I don’t know what these people are but they aren’t normal human,” we went to specialized labs and continued the cycle. We wanted scientific proof that we, vampires, existed. After several years, everyone was stumped on how our bodies worked but we had detailed reports that they did. Then began step two: petitioning the World Government to recognize vampires as legal citizens with all the rights and protections that entailed. We wanted to be people, not monsters anymore.”

“Is that how people saw you? As monsters?”

“It was ingrained in society. Except for some novels written during the early twenty-first century, vampires have been portrayed as blood sucking murderers. We were that at one time but over time we stopped killing and even stopped having to forcibly take blood from people. That was probably what helped our case the most.”

“You had blood donors?”

“Actually yes. In the 2100’s, some vampires established a worldwide blood bank.”

The host’s eyes widened. “Wait, the World’s Blood Bank is run by vampires?”

“Well, not anymore. It started as a small front to get people to donate blood that was then sold to local vampires on the side. It worked so well that they got vampires around the world to invest and opened a network of vampire controlled blood banks under the name World’s Blood Bank. Then a couple of years after they had started a series of hurricanes and tsunamis and an earthquake devastated local blood supplies around the world. Someone in a hospital somewhere remembered hearing about The World’s Blood Bank and called up to request some blood.

“There was mild panic online that our blood supply was going to be exposed. The vampires running the blood bank decided they couldn’t not help. They had been collecting world wide and felt like they had plenty to spare. Then more requests came and then more. It seemed like the whole operation was going to collapse but then people started donating in mass. Their false image as a blood bank for the world became reality. The vampires set up a corporation to control the blood bank’s finances and set up a board of doctors to monitor day to day operations. They set up small private clinics around the world that could request blood and distribute it to local vampires. Our detractors tried to use this against us, calling us leeches on the world’s blood supply but all the vampires in the world use less than one hundredth of a percent of the blood used in hospitals around the world.”

“Wow. I just donated blood last week.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Well, we’re almost out of time so do you have anything else you’d like to say about the Kepler 186 mission? What do you hope to learn or see?”

“I hope it is habitable. Earth is going to be here for a long time but humans might not. In the last five hundred years I’ve been alive, I’ve seen several man-made ecological disasters. Humans are getting better at cleaning up their messes but it just takes one mess too big to clean up to wipe us out. Too many eggs in one basket. So we’re heading out to find new homes for humanity. This is just the first of several vampire led missions to distant stars. We’re the first wave because we can sleep must of the hundreds of years it will take to get there. The hope is that by the time we get there and can send a message back new forms of transport will have been developed. My greatest hope is we arrive at an already populated planet.”

“You’re giving up your life for humans?”

“A few decades ago a conversation started about what would happen if all the humans died and only vampires survived. The discussion ranged from creating human farms to cloning blood to creating synthetic blood. There are many ways we could keep living if you wiped yourselves out but none of us want that world. Several of us were already in the space program and we suggested finding more worlds for humanity and us to live on. It seems very selfless but really we don’t want to be alone with only each for company.”

“Thank you, Commander Monica, for your time and service.

“Thank you for having me on.”

“That’s all the time we have today. Thank you for watching and don’t forget to donate blood.”

The show’s theme music blared one last time as the audience clapped.

<<Previous

  "The New Interview with a Vampire Part 3" was also posted on my website, Gillian's Notebook, home of my writing. Help support my writing by becoming a patron. Reblogs help to spread my writing to new readers.

[lafaiette]

Please write fanfic about mails Jaal would've send to his mother, not only tumblr tags

HERE COMES MY FIRST ME:A FIC

She said yes

Jaal’s messages to his mother throughout his relationship with Ryder

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

Mother,

there is no need to worry about my wellbeing. If what these aliens say is true, then they come in peace and they only wish to fight the kett alongside us.

Should they be lying, I am more than able of defending myself. Did you forget all those times I made it out alive from kett bases and camps?

The one leading these curious people, Pathfinder Ryder, claims she can interface with Remnant technology. I admit this… intrigued me greatly. Hopefully this journey will show me whether she was lying about that too or being honest.

I will be honest, mother: something deep in my heart tells me these strangers are telling the truth. I feel Ryder will help us save the Moshae and understand the vaults the Remnants left on our worlds.

Still, I will be sleeping with my rifle under my bed like I promised you.

Stars guide you,

Jaal

To: Jaal Ama Darav

From: Sahuna Ama Darav

Jaal,

so is it true? The Pathfinder really saved the Moshae? Word is spreading around here on Havarl too and hope and relief are stronger than ever. I haven’t seen your other mothers smile so much since a long time.

There are also worrying rumors about this “exaltation”, but they aren’t clear and I don’t wish to think about it too much until we know more; obsessing over something we still don’t know much about can only lead to paranoia.

For now, I’m happy to hear that this Ryder was really who she claimed to be: a friend to the angara, a kind soul the stars sent to help us. I hope she is a friend to you too and that you can now rest more easily, although I’ve got the impression that this is indeed the case. In your messages, you always mention her and this Liam with great enthusiasm. I’d like to meet them and the others someday.

Stay strong and clear,

your mother Sahuna

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

Mother,

these aliens are kind and their hearts are strong. I can’t always understand them and their customs, but they help me whenever I am confused by their manners and words.

I’m learning much and I admit I am also having fun. There is a certain easiness here on this ship, a lightness of the spirit, that cannot be felt in the Resistance barracks. Perhaps it is because these aliens never suffered under the kett invasion like we did, perhaps it is simply who they are.

I’m not saying they aren’t professional and talented, though. They are invested in our cause - the kett are a danger to us all and they managed to hurt the Initiative too - and they never stop fighting, they never give up, no matter what our enemies throw at us. Even the Roekkar do not scare them - on the contrary, they are ready to negotiate with them, even if I warned Ryder it will be in vain.

Ryder is a brilliant leader. She doesn’t only lead, she also asks and explores, she learns and teaches in return, because that’s what her role actually is about. She is so curious about our people and even though she must think about her own, ours is also in her thoughts and, I dare say, in her heart too. I deeply respect her and trust her.

I no longer sleep with my rifle under the bed.

Rest easy as well, mother!

Jaal

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

Mother,

I’m fine! Akksul only left a minor wound on my face that will heal soon!

I knew the news would have reached you immediately and I’m sorry for not sending you a message sooner, but many things have happened in the meantime and I couldn’t find the time. I apologize.

Yes, Ryder helped me deal with Akksul and save my brothers and sister. I couldn’t have done this without her. She trusted me the whole time: even when I was in danger, she remembered her promise to me and never doubted me. I am lucky to have her.

As a friend. To have her as a friend. That is what I meant.

I wish you could see her in battle, mother! The way she jumps and attacks from middair, her speed and nimbleness, her ability with tech, her great tactical mind… she dominates the battlefield, even though she often feels crushed by all her responsibilities. I know this because we talk a lot, every day, and she confided this to me.

I also learned that her father and mother are dead and her only sibling, Scott, is in a medical induced coma. I saw the loneliness and fear in her eyes as she told me this, but also resignation mixed to hope. Such a heartwrenching mix. It hurt my heart and I do not wish her to be in such a terrible pain. Please, can we do something about this?

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

Humans are not always as open and emotional as angara, but she is. She doesn’t often hide her feelings and emotions. When she does, it’s out of what Liam described as “stubborn, stupid human ‘politeness’.”I do not know why they do that, but I am happy she feels relaxed enough around me to let herself go.

A great affection for her has bloomed in my heart. I didn’t think this possible when we first tried to shake hands - that’s apparently something humans do when introducing themselves to each other -, but I have now realized that this galaxy - this cluster of stars - looks brighter with her in it. Her arrival here was, like you said, a gift from the stars.

Hopefully I’ll be able to introduce her to you soon like you asked. I must go now - I promised her I would teach her some modding tricks. She also wants me to try hot choklate, which Vetra somehow acquired thanks to her contacts.

(Human food can be a bit bland, but Ryder promised she would find something tasty for me and I cannot say no when she is so enthusiastic and her smile so wide. I’ll let you know what and how it is - maybe we can find something similar on Havarl for her? I’m sure she would like to always have a small supply of it in the pantry, instead of waiting months for Vetra to find it at insane prices on the black market.)

Jaal

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

Did you know humans can have little marks on their skin they call “freckles”? Ryder has some on her face! They look like dotted stars.

She also has some tiny, darker spots humans call “moles” or “beauty marks”.

The latter is exact. I think they are beautiful.

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

Mother,

here is a pic of Ryder, me, and Drack. Do you see those little clefts on her cheeks? Humans call them dimples! Ryder always has them when she smiles.

[A picture has been attached: it shows Jaal, Ryder, and Drack (in this order) smiling at the camera, resting their arms on each other’s shoulders in an affectionate way. Behind them, the harsh, white, and beautiful landscape of Voeld.]

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

Mother,

I saw her die today and I died with her. She came back to life and I was reborn too, but a part of me kept trembling and crying. I tried to imagine the Tempest devoid of her presence and laughter and smile, my life devoid of her, and an immeasurable fear took hold of me and refused to let me go.

Only when she found me later in the tech lab of the ship and talked to me as nothing had happened, brilliant and kind as always, my mind and soul were put at ease. She was there, alive, and I could live again too.

I want to hug and kiss and worship her. I believe she is interested in me just like I am interested in her, but what if I am mistaken? What if I misunderstood something? I call her ‘dearest’ and I believe we flirt with each other, but perhaps she doesn’t wish to proceed further. Perhaps she doesn’t wish to proceed, to stay with me, at all.

I would understand that.

To: Jaal Ama Darav

From: Sahuna Ama Darav

Jaal,

remember what I told you months ago? Obsessing over something we still don’t know much about can only lead to paranoia. I can feel you are deeply upset, even haunted, by this situation.

Hesitation won’t bring you anything good: tell her how you feel and you will learn if she returns your love. Only then, regardless of her answer, you will be able to keep moving forward, either with a broken heart or her own accompanying you.

This is the right time to finally introduce her to me, don’t you think?

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

You are right. I shall ask her to come with me to our house soon.

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

SHE SAID YES!

To: Jaal Ama Darav

From: Sahuna Ama Darav

Now this is one of the best news I’ve heard in a very long time. I’m so happy for you! Your other mothers and your siblings are celebrating too.

Treat her well and send her all my hugs and love!

To: Jaal Ama Darav

From: Sahuna Ama Darav

I found some recipes from Earth! Do you know if Ryder likes pie?

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

It’s a sweet recipe, is it not? If so, then I’m sure she will like it, she loves sweet food.

I shall send you some of that choklate I mentioned time ago! It’s a brown bar: if you melt it and use it for the dough, the taste should be good.

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

I feel so lucky, mother. My life has never been so full of light and warmth. I hope I am making her happy too.

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

Mother,

what we learned on Khi Tasira doesn’t change who we are. It doesn’t change what the angara accomplished, what they won, what they lost, what they created. Our destinies belong to us only and no creator can take that from us.

I am excited and thrilled. The future has never been so full of promises and hope before and I can finally give Ryder more than an endless cycle of war against the kett and the constant struggle to survive.

I can give her a normal life, a life of peace and restoration, the same life all other angara can finally allow themselves to dream of. We will be able to explore together this world that has been given to us without fearing to die all the time.

I will bring her to Aya soon and ask her to take me wherever she goes. I finally found my place in the world and it is at her side.

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

MOTHER I CAN’T ASK HER HOW HUMAN BABIES ARE BORN

To: Jaal Ama Darav

From: Sahuna Ama Darav

I’ll ask her myself then.

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

MOTHER.

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

My Darling One will introduce me to her brother today! He is feeling better and the doctor said he will be able to fight again soon. Maybe he will become part of the Tempest crew. I’d love to have my brother-in-law with us!

… Do you think is it still too early to call him like that?

To: Jaal Ama Darav

From: Sahuna Ama Darav

It wouldn’t be if you finally asked her to marry you!

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

Her brother was very happy for us! He hugged me back and patted my shoulder, thanking me. At first I couldn’t understand why, but then I realized he was referring to my relationship with Ryder.

He then grinned and asked when the marriage was. Ryder got so red I feared she was feeling sick, but fortunately she was just blushing. Her stammering was adorable.

I will ask Liam and the others how human marriage proposals work.

To: Jaal Ama Darav

From: Sahuna Ama Darav

FINALLY! I shall inform your other mothers and the rest of the family in the meantime!

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

Mother, wait for me to ask her first!

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

I feel like I’m going to die. Is it too soon? What if I scare her? Offend her? Hurt her? I know our proposals are supposed to be steadfast and confident, but what if she thinks I am forcing her? What if it isn’t romantic enough?

The others’ suggestions were good - I think -, but I don’t want to ruin this. We have been together for more than a year: is it enough or should I wait more?

Liam said something about some humans preferring to wait for marriage, but why should they do that when there are no doubts about their love and their adoration for each other is strong and true?

This is the hardest battle I have ever fought.

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

I will ask her tonight.

To: Sahuna Ama Darav

From: Jaal Ama Darav

SHE SAID YES!

[avidbeader]

Voltron fic: “Scattered” Ch. 21

Okay, Tumblr peeps - you get first look.

Rated T. Genfic/no ships. S2 AU. You can begin at the beginning here or read it on FF-Net and AO3 when I get it posted there sometime this evening. FEEDBACK IS WELCOME.

So, obviously I’m not going to have this done before S3 drops. But I know what I want to do the rest of the way (maybe 3-6 chapters?) and hope to have this thing done by the end of August so I can give more attention to my HP WIP and “The Quintessential Bond”.

<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>

Shiro sat at the window and watched as his father and Keith walked together in the garden, enjoying the morning sun. They had developed the habit back when Keith was first fostered with them, to spend a little time each day walking and talking about anything that crossed their minds. As he watched, Daichi reached over and put an arm across Keith’s shoulders. Instead of stiffening the way Shiro was used to seeing Keith do when other people invaded his personal space, Keith leaned into it. It brought a smile to Shiro’s face.

He heard footsteps behind him and Sayuri ran her fingers in his hair. “How can you still maintain this outlandish cut of yours up there in space?” She had never really liked his undercut.

“They have clippers. Plenty of aliens with hair like ours.”

She laughed a little at that, then took his hand as she sat beside him.

“Takashi, please. Tell me some of it. What is going on up there? How can they expect you to lead a war at your age? With… with children? How can they ask you to kill?”

Shiro pressed his lips together before answering, considering exactly how much to share. “It’s on a different scale than what we think of as war. A lot of what we do is take out giant weaponized robots. Or drones that are commanded by a single central computer that might or might not have a living person running it. I think you could count the number of actual beings we’ve killed on two hands.” That didn’t include the arena, of course, but that was a different conversation for another time.

Sayuri looked a little reassured, but persisted with a mother’s instincts. “And what about the first time?”

“First time?”

��When you and the Holts were taken from Kerberos. What happened to you?”

Apparently they were going to have the other conversation now as well.

She was looking down, focused on his cybernetic hand. Shiro realized that she was imagining experiments and torture, straight out of SF horror films.

Shiro reached over with his human hand and clasped hers. “It wasn’t…it wasn’t vivisection, kaa-chan. Nothing like that. The Galra are a conquering race, not scientists. They send most of their prisoners of war to work camps…or to gladiator arenas.”

Her eyes flew up to his face, zeroing in on the scar that crossed it. “Takashi?”

He swallowed hard. “I had to fight for my life, kaa-chan. Over and over. There wasn’t any way out other than to keep winning.” He ran his tongue around his teeth, trying to work some saliva into a suddenly dry mouth. “I had blocked out a lot of my memories from my imprisonment, but bits and pieces have been coming back. I remember that I tried, every time, to get the others to yield before I hurt them too much. The Galra hated that, but they never stopped me.”

“Did they…did they release them? Or kill them after for surrendering?”

Shiro looked up at her and the concern in her face deepened. He could feel how haunted his eyes must be.

“I don’t know, kaa-chan.”

She put her free hand to his face, drawing him close to press her cheek to his. Shiro managed to bite back the sobs that wanted to break free, but couldn’t stop the tears from spilling over. Sayuri stood and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close.

He closed his arms around her and let himself cry it out. For the first time since Kerberos, he felt no shame over the tears. No guilt for showing weakness. Just the release of knowing he had survived, his family was still here, and he was loved.

 <> <> <> <> <>

 Lance hit on an excellent strategy of avoiding his father in the throng by hovering near his grandmother and great-aunts, all of whom insisted he was too thin and plied him with ropa vieja, tostones, and buñuelos. The younger cousins were also a good line of defense, swarming him with questions about space, aliens, and the alive-again Kerberos crew.

Late in the evening, Sara dragged him upstairs to her room and gave him her tablet so he could catch up a little on his social media sites. As he skimmed posts from friends, she leaned over and asked, “You okay?”

He glanced up at that. “Yeah, why?”

“I overheard papá telling mamá that you were going back. Did he try to talk you out of it?”

Lance nodded, the pain of the conversation returning. Blue purred in his mind.

Sara leaned in, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. They just want you to be safe.”

“Well, no one on the planet will be safe if I don’t go back.”

She put her arm around him. “You’re serious, aren’t you? It’s just you and four other kids up there fighting an evil empire?”

“And a princess and her adviser. And some space mice. And we’ve got some aliens on our side so far. The Arusians are short people with horns and the Balmerans are rock people, but they support us. And the Metreans.” Lance shivered a little, remembering long, spidery arms. “We’ll find more.”

The tablet pinged with a message: Incoming.

“What the quiznak?” Lance frowned at the message.

“What the what?” Sara laughed and he realized what he had said.

“Sorry, it’s a rude word in Altean.”

“Uh-huh. What’s the message mean?”

A voice sounded from midair. “It means I gave you a bit of warning before freaking you out.”

Sara shrieked and Lance grabbed her to keep her from falling off the bed.

“Pidge!”

She shimmered into view and grinned that gremlin grin that never failed to irritate him. “Yes?”

“What are you doing here?”

She held out a pocket-sized device. Lance recognized it as one of the latest smartphones and took it.

“Giving your family their communicator. It’ll definitely reach the Castle across the solar system and I’m pretty sure that they’ll match the castle’s range. There’s a message option in case we do find a maximum distance on them.” She woke the device and pointed to the lion icon. “They hit this and then blue for you or orange for the Castle. I added the rest of us just in case.” She handed the phone to Sara, who was staring open-mouthed. “Hi, I’m Pidge. Which sister are you?”

Lance jumped in. “This is Sara. Mina’s still downstairs. How did you get in here?”

“Cloaking device, duh.”

“But how’d you know where to come?”

“Tracking option on your cloaking device, duh.”

Lance’s expression turned offended. “You put tracking on these things?”

“So you want to get knocked unconscious while invisible and not be found? I can arrange that.”

Lance felt his face burn red and Sara had recovered enough to laugh. “I like you. How did you get to Cuba?”

“My Lion. I got all the comm devices done and figured I’d deliver them myself. How’s it going here?”

Sara squeezed his arm in support.

“Well, I’ve had the chance to talk to almost everyone who could get here, if I eat any more I’m gonna hurl, my dad tried to tell me I wasn’t going back, and my favorite band broke up.”

“That sounds—wait, what?”

Sara nodded. “They’re scared for him.”

“I get that. I mean, look what happened to my dad and brother and Shiro. Space isn’t the safest place. But if we don’t try and stop the Galra, Earth will get invaded.”

“Maybe you should tell our dad that,” Sara observed. “If he hears it from enough people, maybe he’ll realize that you all really do have to go.”

Pidge shrugged. “Is he really going to listen to a girl half his size?”

Sara snorted. “Appear out of thin air in front of him like you did us. That might impress him.”

“No,” Lance interrupted. “It’s a fifty-fifty chance whether that impresses him or pisses him off.”

Pidge leaned down, looking Lance in the face. “You need us, you call us. Okay? Otherwise we’ll see you back at the Castle. Allura said to be back by 1800 hours tomorrow your time.”

“Wait, that late? That’s over twenty-four hours here. Shiro said we had eighteen hours.”

“Let’s just say Allura didn’t remember that vargas are longer than hours.”

This time her gremlin grin didn’t bother Lance at all.

 <> <> <> <> <>

 Iolana watched as Hunk deftly arranged a plate and handed it to Mr. Araullo, the neighbor who had contributed his boat trailer to the barricade keeping the media crews at a distance. The older man pulled a paper packet out of his pocket and handed it to Hunk, who beamed at him.

More seeds. The neighborhood had jumped on the idea of seeds and starter plants with enthusiasm, taking up a collection and sending a few volunteers to town to purchase some things while others checked their homes and gardens for possibilities. Hunk added the packet to the table that was already filling up with contributions and moved back to prepare another meal for the next person.

Noni stepped up to take over—the three of them had been rotating serving duty during the afternoon’s impromptu party—and pushed Hunk with a plate of cookies toward the group of children who were waiting patiently for him to be free again.

Hunk sat down and started sharing out the cookies. Most of the kids began scarfing them down immediately, which meant only a few were fighting to get their question in first.

“Come on, you know the rule. Take turns by height, shortest one first.”

“I like that rule!”

Hunk’s head snapped up at the familiar voice. “Pidge?”

A small teenage girl appeared out of midair and looked a little abashed at the sea of open mouths around her. “Sorry, I would have tried to be more discreet about it but I thought you should have this.” She handed a camera to Hunk, who took it in bafflement.

“I tripped a guy who was trying to sneak close enough for pictures. He had a press badge on. I don’t know if he already took any. He…might have hit his head a little on a tree, but he’ll probably be fine.”

Hunk frowned and pulled up the digital display to start flipping through the photos. He growled at the first ones showing zoom views into their windows and started deleting them. Iolana and Noni traded looks and Noni slipped out to alert the neighbors currently on guard duty at the barricade and collect some help in checking on the man.

Iolana came forward and Hunk made introductions before offering, “You hungry? We’ve got plenty.”

“Sure, but just a little. I stopped by to give your mom her communicator.” She handed the converted phone to him. “Lion icon to open the program, yellow to contact you, orange to contact the castle. Other colors for the rest of us just in case.”

“Sweet!” Hunk looked up at her and Iolana nodded to indicate she had heard it all.

“That’s very kind of you.” If nothing else, these children were looking out for one another and that was some comfort to a mother’s heart.

As they passed the table that held Hunk’s future garden, he brightened. “Hey, did you fly Green down here?”

“Yeah, came in stealthed to the beach down the cliff.”

“Can we get you to take this stuff back? That way I’ll have more room in the pod for the rest.”

“Sure, what is it?” Pidge asked, looking it all over.

“Everyone’s sharing seeds and stuff so we can grow our own Earth food in the castle!”

The girl’s eyes lit up. “Hunk, you are quiznaking brilliant! Have you got a list of what you’ve collected? We can do the same with the rest of the team!”

Iolana stepped up. “I’ll have Mrs. Lim do it. She loves organizing things.”

“Thanks, Tinā.” Hunk rubbed his hands together. “I can’t wait to make Coran try everything!”

Pidge laughed at that. “We should start with things like oatmeal, mashed potatoes. Stuff that’s like their food goo. And then blow their minds.”

Iolana was amused and just a little bit frightened at the maniacal glow in her eyes.

 <> <> <> <> <>

 Keith was doing his best not to simply inhale the food before him.

He had forgotten just how good Sayuri’s cooking was. In the States she had experimented with a variety of ethnic cuisines, teaching Keith to be more adventurous in his tastes.

But the simple early lunch of miso, rice, grilled fish, cucumbers and konnyaku was perfect. He savored the flavors and textures, already regretting the return to the ship and its unending supply of food goo when Hunk didn’t have the ingredients to experiment.

The idea of a grocery run before returning to the Castle occurred to him and he filed it away for after the meal.

Shiro caught his eye and gave him a rueful expression as he took another mouthful of rice, knowing exactly what Keith was thinking.

“I would like to hear more about this princess,” Sayuri commented, helping them to pace themselves with conversation.

Keith shrugged. “What do you want to know? She’s a princess. I think she’s my age or older but not as old as Shiro. She’s a pretty good diplomat but better at leading, if that makes sense.”

Shiro added, “And she can handle herself on an infiltration mission.”

Sayuri nodded and suddenly focused on Keith. She reached out with a napkin to dab at his face. “You’ve got something—”

Keith shot back from her, knocking his chair over as he jumped to his feet.

Shiro rose as well. “Keith?”

Keith balled his fists as he struggled to shove away the flashback. You’re safe, you’re safe, it’s not him, you can breathe… He tried to force more air into his lungs to prove it.

He could hear their voices, as if from a distance, and a wave of dizziness washed over him.

Shiro’s voice broke through the haze. “Keith, you’re hyperventilating! Slow down!” Hands on his shoulders steadied him, guiding him back to a chair.

He felt arms around him. Sayuri was trying to speak to him. “Keith, what is it?”

He still didn’t feel like he had enough air to breathe, much less speak. Red rumbled in his mind, It is all right, my cub. It is safe, you are safe.

Her presence steadied him and he managed slower, shuddering breaths. “Sorry,” he gasped, leaning forward and putting his head in his hands. “I’m sorry.”

As Shiro’s parents made concerned noises and Shiro knelt in front of him, Keith heard a tapping nearby. He looked up and saw Pidge in the doorway.

Shiro followed his gaze and rose. “Pidge? Is anything wrong?”

“No! At least…I was just bringing your parents their communicator.” She stepped forward, bowed uncertainly, and held out the modified smartphone to Shiro’s father. “Open the lion icon. Black is Shiro, red is Keith, orange is the castle, the other colors are the rest of us. It allows messages if we don’t answer.”

Daichi took the communicator and returned the bow. “Thank you.”

Pidge turned to Keith. “Are you okay?”

Keith hesitated, but nodded. “I will be.”

Sayuri ran her hand through his hair. “What did I do that frightened you?”

Shiro noticed Pidge’s expression shift to an “a-ha” realization. “Pidge?”

“I thought the lions told you all.”

“Told us what?”

“Darzi,” Keith interrupted. The last thing he wanted was Pidge giving the details to Shiro and his parents like he was helpless. “Darzi came close to suffocating me. I’m still a bit…jumpy…about hands near my face.”

Shiro knelt once more and moved very slowly and deliberately to lay his hands on either side of Keith’s face. Keith inhaled sharply but didn’t jerk away. Shiro spoke in a low voice. “The lions did tell us. I didn’t realize you were having flashbacks about it.”

Keith shrugged, starting to feel crowded by everyone hovering over him. “I’ll get over it.”

Shiro looked ready to argue. Daichi gently tugged him back but circled to face Keith. “Should we find someone for you to talk to, ask the princess to let you stay here a few weeks?”

“No! We have to go back now! Every day we delay in fighting Zarkon, the stronger he gets!” Keith drew in breath to continue his argument, but paused at a sudden squeal from a bouncing Pidge.

Shiro looked at her in bewilderment. “Pidge? What’s going on?”

“That’s it! That’s how we convince my mom to come with us!”

“Okaaaay… How?”

“Her other major in college was psychology! She can be our ship’s counselor!”

 <> <> <> <> <>

 Pidge walked into the family room to find her parents sitting together with a tablet as her mom caught her dad up on the news. Matt was sprawled across the loveseat, working his way through a bowl of popcorn and watching the sequel to a favorite movie that had been released while he was on his way to Kerberos.

She crossed over to Matt and shoved his legs out of the way so she could sit. He stuck his tongue at her and she buried her hand in his bowl to scoop out some popcorn.

“Hey!”

Colleen looked up. “If you’re hungry, Katie, there’s—”

“I’m not. Just wanted the salt. I’ve had food in Cuba, Samoa, and Japan and I’m full.”

“All the comm units delivered?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, everyone’s set.”

Colleen asked, “Where’s ours?”

The other three traded looks and Pidge licked her lips. Now or never…

“Well, what if I told you I had a great idea, Mom?”

Colleen’s eyes narrowed, but she put the tablet down. “I’m listening.”

“I know Dad and Matt want a few weeks here to sort of catch up on things. But I know we can use Matt as another comms specialist to support Coran and Dad would have all kinds of opportunity to study xenobiology.”

Colleen’s expression hardened just a little, hearing it said out loud that her family was ready to leave the planet again.

Pidge drew a deep breath. “You could dust off your second degree and be our Deanna Troi.”

Matt let out one startled yelp of laughter at the reference before clapping a hand over his mouth. His eyes danced in glee at the idea.

Sam’s expression brightened at the thought. “That’s got potential. I know you kids are incredibly capable—I saw it myself when you all rescued Keith from the Garrison—but you’re all still kids fighting the front lines of a war.” He turned to Colleen. “You wouldn’t be just tagging along and feeling useless. You’d be filling a role that is genuinely needed.”

Colleen looked stunned. “But…I’m not qualified. I’ve been working in chemistry all this time. I’m not licensed.”

Matt broke in with enthusiasm. “You’re trained, Mom! You just need to brush up on the latest advances! And I don’t think they’re going to require a license on the Castle-ship.”

“And we’d all be together, Mom,” Pidge added softly. “Please say you’ll think about it?”

Her mother looked at all of them, expressions full of hope that she would say yes. “I… yes, I’ll think about it.”

 <> <> <> <> <>

 As the time grew near for the paladins to return, Allura went down to the hangar for the pods and waited. Hunk was the first one to arrive, bursting with excitement and throwing dozens of questions at her about greenhouses and gardens within the castle. She finally managed to break in and suggest he consult with Coran later, just as Lance arrived.

A few minutes later, a screen appeared, showing Pidge on the command deck. “Where is everyone?”

“We’re at the pods. Shiro and Keith haven’t returned yet and we’re waiting on them. When they get here, could you meet us in the chamber that housed my father’s A.I.?”

“Sure thing, Princess. Coran said you might need my help?”

“Possibly. Did your father and brother return as well?”

“Not yet. I need to talk to you about that when we have a chance.”

Allura was about to reply but spotted the last pod entering the hangar. “They’re here!”

As Shiro and Keith exited the pod, Allura spied a pile of bags in the space behind their seats that looked to hold foodstuffs. Lance had a similar stash, and of course Hunk was already off and running with the notion of growing Earth foods here. Allura bit her lip, trying to stamp down a sudden stab of jealousy that the paladins still had access to their home planet, their families. She would never hug her father again, smell a juniberry flower, or taste a cup of hot kavisia.

Then she noticed that Shiro was hovering a little over Keith, who looked like he hadn’t slept well. And her mission took first place in her thoughts again.

“Paladins, would you follow me?”

She led the group to the A.I. chamber and through its door. Pidge was already there and looking around curiously. When Allura turned to face them, they were all wearing expressions of confusion. Shiro looked concerned. “What’s going on, Princess? I thought your father’s holoprogram was corrupted beyond repair.”

Allura straightened her posture and stamped down her grief. “Yes, it was, but the hardware itself was undamaged. It’s still functional. Coran?”

“Ready, princess!” The adviser’s voice echoed from somewhere.

And suddenly they were all in the cryo-room of the Castle, looking out from inside a pod as its shell dissolved. Allura heard Lance let out a startled squeak and suddenly remembered his experience with the rogue healing pod. Perhaps she should have shown this to just Keith after all…

As they watched, they realized they were seeing through Coran’s eyes. He spotted them and shouted, “Enemy combatants!” He charged toward Lance, the one closest to him, only to lose his balance. “Quiznak! You're lucky I have a case of the old ‘sleep chamber knees’.”

As they watched, the scene got more and more ridiculous and even Lance was both giggling and covering his rapidly-reddening face. “Oh my god, why did I do that?”

The scene ended abruptly at Allura’s horrified cry of “It can’t be!” They could see the walls of the chamber once more. Coran stepped out from a recessed area with a control panel of some sort.

Pidge tilted her head. “So, you didn’t need me after all?”

Coran shook his head. “No, it’s all working perfectly, just as we needed.”

Lance was leaning on Hunk, hiding his blushes and laughing into his friend’s shoulder. Shiro patted Lance’s back and stepped forward. “Amusing as that was, may I ask why?”

Allura drew in a breath. “I want to ask Keith to record his memory of that man’s assault and enter it as evidence for his trial.”

She had been focusing on Shiro, but her eyes snapped to Keith as he staggered back slightly. Allura’s heart jumped—she had never seen any of the paladins’ faces turn that pale! She darted toward him, even as Shiro turned and steadied him.

“Keith! I’m sorry! I thought—I was trying to help!”

He raised a hand, visibly collecting himself. Pidge moved to his side and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“No, I’m sorry. I should have a handle on this. I just…don’t want to remember it.”

“I think that’s kind of her point, buddy,” Hunk offered. “Which would be better, going through it once here, where you know it’s safe and we’ve all got your back, or having to testify at a court-martial?”

Allura couldn’t believe it, but Keith’s face now rivaled her hair for whiteness. His indigo eyes were huge. But he showed his mettle as a paladin immediately. “Will…will they accept it? Can they accept it as evidence? They don’t have the technology to access Altean files.”

“Oh, I can help with that,” Pidge volunteered.

“Actually, my intention was to insist that the proceedings be held here, as the wronged sovereign nation.”

Shiro frowned, his doubt showing in his tone. “That might work. Usually we look for a neutral venue when it’s needed.”

“Well, if your planet wishes to be seen as equal to others in the greater universe, they’ll need to accept the Interstellar Charter of Cooperation. I’m citing one of its rules when it comes to disputes concerning attacks on a royal personage or their representatives.”

She didn’t dare look at Coran. The Paladins didn’t need to know that the charter had been drafted, but never fully ratified before Zarkon began attacking on an interplanetary scale. Neither did Earth.

Making this Darzi pay for what he did to Keith was all that mattered.

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Thanks for reading! More to come!

[havesomereviews]

Doctor Who 1x12 - 1x13: Bad Wolf / The Parting of the Ways

Writer: Russell T Davies Director: Joe Ahearne Main Cast: Christopher Eccleston, Billie Piper, John Barrowman, Noel Clarke, Camille Coduri, Jo Joyner, Jo Stone-Fewings, Nisha Nayar, Nicholas Briggs

Synopsis: The TARDIS team each wake up to find themselves as contestants in three separate game shows. But these games are deadly. But who brought them here? And who is hiding behind the scenes?

Monster of the Week: Daleks. Lots and lots of Daleks.

Quote of the Episode: “Rose, before I go, I just want to tell you you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And do you know what? So was I.”

Standout Moment: The Coward or Killer scene is by far the most powerful. The Doctor has finished the Delta Wave just in time and Daleks are coming at him from all sides. He has his hands on the plunger that will end them all into oblivion... but he doesn’t do it. He can’t press that button again. He is no longer a killer.

Cringeworthy Moment: “I think you need a Doctor.” My God, that was cheesy and ruined what was otherwise a brilliant scene

Main Review: The first season of the new series of Doctor Who draws to a close and we say goodbye to the Ninth Doctor, so straight away you know this episode is going to be spectacular. And it is. Not in the complicated flashy way of later seasons but just by being an epic storyline with so many touching moments. 

The whole series had led up to this moment and these two episodes tie it all together. but not in a way that means you have to have been there from the start to enjoy it. I myself had only started watching from The Empty Child (I was reluctant to give the new series a chance after being such a big fan of the old one, something that still remains one of my biggest undersights) and I still absolutely loved this episode. I was quite happy to watch it multiple times while waiting for the next one that was not due til Christmas. It wraps of the arc of the season while still being a captivating story on its own and that is why, eleven years on, it is still my favourite season finale of the show.

But it’s not just the words Bad Wolf that have served as a lead up to this moment. During my review for The Long Game I mentioned foreshadowing and these two episodes are where it comes into play. The Doctor even mentions the title. “Some one has been playing avery long game.” Not only is the finale set in the same place, the situation is a direct result of the Doctor’s interference in The Long Game and we can’t help but think that if he had stuck around afterwards, maybe he would have been able to prevent it. 

But enough about foreshadowing (although there is a seemingly unimportant line in Bad Wolf that actually starts the arc for the next series), lets talk about all the amazing scenes that this episode has to offer. It has so many that I had an extremely difficult time deciding on a standout moment. It had many contenders and I would like to go through all of them (yes it is going to be a long review).

Contender number one: Jack’s time on What Not to Wear. He’s funny and flirty and just pure Jack, but he’s not an idiot. He has a - shall we say - strategically placed weapon and is ready to use it when the game turns deadly. And the cameos of Trinny and Susannah were a nice addition.

All the cameos helped add to the realism of the situation, but none more so than Anne Robinson as the Anne-droid when Rose gets trapped on the futuristic version of The Weakest Link. It was absolutely the right decision to put Rose in this situation and not the Doctor or Jack. Being a high school dropout, she would probably have a bit of trouble with the show in her own time let alone over 100,000 years into her future, and as such, the stakes are higher and the tension is real. Rose is not one to shy away from a challenge though and she is going to fight for her survival. She not only makes it to the last round, she also works out that her being there is no accident.

The Doctor is placed in an episode of Big Brother and does get some funny lines and a sweet moment with Lynda but it’s not until he gets to floor 500 that we really get to see him shine. His anger at Rose’s apparent death is fierce and yet still not willing to shoot anyone in revenge. He has come a long way from that moment in Henry Van Statten’s museum where he was ready to commit genocide (more on that later).

And that bring us to contender number two. The real villains of the story have been revealed and the Daleks are back. But this time it is not just one, it’s a whole fleet. There thousand of them... and they have Rose. The Daleks order the Doctor to surrender or they will shoot his friend. But in this stunning scene, the Doctor turns the hostage situation on its head with one word: no. One awesome speech later, he and Jack are sending the TARDIS soaring towards the Dalek ship and are saving Rose. Christopher Eccleston delivers this speech perfectly and you gotta hand it to Billie, she absolutely captures Rose’s pride for the Doctor. The only thing that ruins this scene is the shot of everyone in the room turning their heads to the Doctor at once. I know it’s expected that this would happen but it really does look like they have done it on a stage assistant’s cue rather than because of the Doctor’s words.

So, anyway, back to the plot. They have saved Rose, met the Emperor of the Daleks, and discovered his long game. Now back on Game Station with a fleet of Daleks on their way, it’s up to the Doctor to save the day. But he doesn’t have much time. He has only one option: a Delta Wave that will destroy the Daleks once and for all. The only problem is there is no chance of refining it - it will kill everything in its path, including the people of Earth. Jack knows this and in a touching goodbye scene, we see the true depth of his character. No longer is he a con artist/walking innuendo, now he is a selfless hero... /walking innuendo.

But Rose doesn’t realise the full implications of the Delta Wave, her faith in the Doctor is too great, which brings us to contender number three. In a brilliant scene we see her bravery and faith shine through. The Doctor suggests that they could take the TARDIS and leave the Earth to it’s fate but Rose knows that the Doctor would never do such a thing and she never even considered asking. She could never do such a thing either. She’s just too good.

Which is why the Doctor has to trick her. He sends her and the TARDIS back to the Powell Estate and back to Jackie. His goodbye is given in the form of a hologram message he prepared for just an occasion such as this. He promised to keep Rose safe and he made sure he could keep that promise. 

Although his goodbye speech to Rose is emotional on its own, it was the way he spoke of the TARDIS that brought me to tears. The thought of the iconic blue box being left to die was just too much to bear.

But Rose does what she will always do, she finds a way back to the Doctor. She saves him. Her speech about the Doctor showing her a better way of life is a brilliant one. Because it’s not about the space ships and the time travel, it’s about doing the right thing even when it seems hopeless. And that’s exactly what Doctor Who is all about.

Contender number four for the title of “Standout Moment” is a grim one. While Rose is discovering the Bad Wolf message and working to get back to the action, it’s war on Satellite 5. The Daleks are not only killing the people on the game station, they are devastating the planet below. So many people die but the most chilling death scene easily goes to Lynda. She has the safest job of the lot of them, monitoring the Daleks’ movements while hidden in a locked room with steel doors. But the Daleks find her and begin to cut through. 

While she is worryingly watching the door, she realises that there is another way in: the window. She slowly turns and sees three Daleks outside floating up to her level and she knows it’s over. What makes this scene so well done is the way we experience it the way Lynda would. Her death scene is entirely made up of shots from within the room she is trapped in. We see the Daleks through the glass as she would and we only hear the sounds that she would be able to hear. Which is why we don’t hear the Dalek speak, we just see the lights on its top flash. And even though we can’t hear it, we know exactly what it is being said. Ex-ter-min-ate. We don’t even see the glass shatter, we only hear it as the Dalek’s laser shoots through it and Lynda screams. The end result makes a chilling scene.

Contender number five is obvious. Back on Earth Rose, with the help of Mickey and Jackie, opens the Heart of the TARDIS and becomes the Bad Wolf, virtually making herself a God. She destroys the Daleks and brings Jack back to life. But the power is too great. She can see all of time and space and it’s killing her. The Doctor knows what he must do, and he is all too willing to do it. He will die but he has more than one life and it is a small price to pay to save Rose’s. Sealing the deal with a kiss (and the crowd cheers), he takes the power from Rose and gives it back to the TARDIS. All of this happens with Murray Gold’s haunting piece of music playing in the background. Seriously, The Doctor’s Theme is absolutely brilliant and has not been matched since.

There was one more contender for my favourite scene but I will talk about that one later. Right now, I want to talk about the the scene that won. It’s not the scene where Rose shows up and saves the day, it’s the scene before it. The scene where the Doctor loses. 

All throughout the episode, the Emperor has been baiting the Doctor, comparing him to the destroyer of worlds (“If I am God, the creator of all things, then what does that make you, Doctor?”). But the Doctor carries on, determined to wipe out the last Daleks in existence. He finishes the Delta Wave and is ready to push that button that will destroy Daleks and humans alike, paralleling what he had to do to end the Time War. But he can’t do it again. The Emperor continues to bait him, almost daring him to do it, to be a Dalek, an exterminator. He asks the question, what are you? Coward or Killer? and you can see the struggle raging on in the Doctor’s mind. Credit where credit’s due, Christopher Eccleston owned this scene. Ultimately, the Doctor steps away from the button and utters, in my opinion, what is the most insightful line into the Ninth Doctor’s character. “Coward, any day”.

The Ninth Doctor has had such amazing character development over his one and only season and it is done so well that you don’t even notice how much his character has changed until the end. And then you realise that the Doctor we saw in Rose, and even the one was saw in Dalek, would have pushed that button, but the man he has become since then would never. He is no longer just a guilt-ridden soldier, haunted by his past, he is the Doctor, in every way possible.

And the overall reason for his healing of past wounds is Rose. She keeps him centered and is there to catch him when falls. Her compassion and bravery make it easy to believe that this is the sort of girl that the Doctor would fall in love with. Because despite the Doctor’s flirting with Lynda, this episode shows without a doubt that the Doctor and Rose are madly in love.

The supporting cast all have their moments too. Mickey helps Rose even though it’s breaking his heart. Although his continued pining for Rose sort of diminishes their scenes in the previous story where it looked like the end of their relationship, it does show that he still cares about her as a friend more than anything.

Jackie also finally gets chance to be brilliant. She understandably doesn’t want to see her only daughter go back to her death and emotions run high, leading to an argument. But Rose gets through to her. To convince Jackie of how good the Doctor is, she doesn’t use an example of him saving a planet or civilisation, she tells the story of how he saved one man. Not by saving his life, but by giving him comfort in death. That man: Peter Tyler, Jackie’s husband.

Jackie initially runs out in anger and hurt at the mention of her lost love but after calming down, she knows that Rose is right. She calls in a favour (she tells us not to ask and we agree that we probably don’t want to know) and helps Rose get back to the Doctor.

Okay, now we can talk about the regeneration scene. Having abandoned Jack (leaving us with questions that unfortunately don’t get answered for almost two years), the Doctor and Rose leave Satellite 5. Rose wakes up with no memory of taking in the vortex or how she saved the Doctor or how he saved her. So she is a little taken aback when she discovers that the Doctor is dying. 

The Doctor does his best to explain what is going to happen but he doesn’t have much time to say goodbye. In true Ninth Doctor fashion, he leaves us with a joke and by telling Rose just how fantastic she was. The last thing the Ninth Doctor ever sees is Rose smiling at him and I think that’s exactly how he would want to go.

Overall Rating: 10/10. The Ninth Doctor is easily my favourite of the new series of Doctor Who. He was fantastic. Not only did he bring back the show and ensure it’s success, he made every one of his episodes enjoyable. Christopher Eccleston nailed it. So it was devastating to see him leave so soon. But, in saying that, I am glad that he got the send off he deserved. When you see me make a review as long as this one, you know that either; the episode really pissed me off, or I loved it to death. This story, thankfully, is the latter.