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tiredlinguist · 1 year

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#sorry but what the FUCK is wrong with me oh my god #i need a therapist i need 27 therapists #im so so so so so so fucking obsessed with fucking men #every time i think ive gotten used to it #it gets worse. what the fuck #t really is doing a number on me huh.#it’s almost off putting how bad it is #like the majority of the time it’s just fun and funny and super affirming #but when it gets bad it’s so bad. and it feels really wrong and isolating #im kind of…i don’t wanna say disgusted but definitely weirded out by the frequency and intensity with which i think about sex lol #should not put this on tumblr no sir. people i know in real life follow this account. whatever.#you guys can cope. im trying to cope with weekly injections that are turning me into a 13yo.#ive not been taking my meds either shit i keep fucking FORGETTING i swear!!!#whatever whatever whatever whatever. im so fine this is so normal.#i just wanna get high and watch tv and sleep but im gonna run out of money at some point #god #okay. ok ok ok #i can do this i can be normal and have such normal thoughts in my head #i need this all to settle down soon before i just lose my mind because #there’s about a bajillion million jjfkdekjrrjillion men in their forties that i can’t stop thinking about #little faggot ass loser am i even bi anymore #i am. probably. im pretty sure. just. god DAMN

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wingsofhcpe · 3 months

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HotD is a fucking comedy because seeing Alicent's face the moment she realised OH SHIT IT WASN'T MY AEGON VISERYS WAS TALKING ABOUT there are two dead kids, a fired hand, two dead knights who took each other the fuck out, Daemon is MIA, Criston is marching to Harrenhall, and two entire lesser houses having slaughtered each other over cows but using the Targaryen war as an excuse for it.

And she's like haha Nope. Not my problem anymore sorry. Gotta go, I forgot to turn off the stove before coming to the Sept, PEACE AND LOVE XO XO

#house of the dragon #hotd spoilers #alicent hightower #it's also tragic bc she's right tho. it is too late. how do you put all this back in the box? you can't #im team black but i honestly feel so bad for her bc she legit BELIEVED viserys named her aegon as king #she fought so hard for it. only to realise that nope. that was never the case. she almost singlehandedly made this mess because of a MISTAKE #i just want her and rhaenyra to run off into the sunset away from this bs and be happy tbh

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rotisseries · 9 months

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my favorite thing about mha has got to be how you can't tell if the writers are aware or not that the setting is in fact a corrupt police state

#like. it almost says something sometimes and then they back out of ittttt😭😭😭😭#I'm not keeping up with mha canon presently so I'm just thinking back on things #like. they have plenty of villain characters where it's like oh they're sympathetic and were clearly pushed into this life #by the narrow views of what is acceptable in society and the corrupt police state #AND THEY HAVE CORRUPT HEROES AND A CORRUPT ORGANIZATION SO LIKE. YOU KNOW IT'S A CORRUPT POLICE STATE THE WRITERS MUST KNOW #but then mha pulls fun shit with like. redeeming endeavor!! A CORRUPT HERO WHO GETS AWAY WITH THE SHIT HE DOES BECAUSE OF A BROKEN SYSTEM #while the ENTIRE rest of the todoroki family is like #“well obviously dabi sucks and is a monster and needs to be put away and can never be rehabilitated ever” 😐#AND LIKE. FINE. FUCKING REDEEM HIS ASS IF YOU WANT (BOOO HATE THAT BITCHHHHH) but don't then act like dabi is unsalvageable!!#both or neither babe!! nerf or nothing!!#like. do you guys get me. sometimes it feels like wow look at how much this corrupt society sucks #and sometimes it feels like yes we are going to not examine this at all #it's just. mha is so bad. it's so bad guys and it could've been good but it's bad #it could be so good if it was good but it's not it's just bad #it sucks its a stupid anime stupid manga fuck off

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cheekblush · 3 months

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took myself on a little shopping trip yesterday in the city where i used to study in hopes of lifting my spirits but by the end of the day i felt so disheartened. wandering the same streets 10 years later and not much has changed. i’m still the same lonely unlovable girl.

#i just wanted to have a good time and not rot in bed for once on my work free weekend but of course my brain can’t let that happen #it was such a lovely day actually the weather was sunny and windy it wasn’t too hot or cold ideal weather to stroll through the city #i had delicious food and found some comfortable clothes but at the end of the day i just felt so empty and worn out #seeing all these couples and friend groups and families and i’m still all by myself after so many years #tbh i’m even lonelier now than i was 10 years ago back then i at least had a few friends #idk what i’m doing with my life tbh.. i just want to be happy but even when i take myself on a cute little date i end up feeling miserable #bc it just hits me how truly lonely i am #i fear i’m incapable of forming any genuine relationships anymore bc i had so many bad experiences that i just stopped trying to connect..#with anyone.. even though i crave community friendship companionship and love i completely shut myself off from the world #i’m not even sure what i’m trying to say with all this.. i wish i knew how to be a person in this world #i wish i could be happy #tbh ever since i got back from my italy vacation i’ve been feeling depressed bc life could be so beautiful if i didn’t have to sacrifice..#almost all of my time for work #the post vacation depression is too real…#realizing you can only spend a very limited time traveling and enjoying yourself bc you have to work most of the time just to afford living #let me stop.. i keep rambling and my thoughts are falling like a waterfall #idk what’s wrong with me… i should have breakfast and put my phone away #sorry to anyone who actually reads all this word vomit #☁️

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a-blip-of-billdip · 2 months

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this isnt what i usually post on this blog but I'm already sick of all the memes and 'jokes'. I am almost certainly leaving the fandom for good now because of the book of bills release and NO it is not because billford's community has an influx of supporters.

So the worship and romanticization of asylums and other abusive practices for mental health have been steadily gaining traction in recent years, especially with the rise of tiktok's toxicity.

SO many people, especially younger people, regularly talk about how they want lobotomies or how women they don't like should be lobotomized. They get tattoos of lobotomy like it's some quirky fun thing and not one of the most horrific tortures someone can endure.

These same people, ESPECIALLY leftists, will look at anyone they disagree with or don't like and say "get institutionalized, loser" or "et therapy" and it's always in a mocking way. it's always in a policing way.

because these people know that mental wards strip everyone of their freedom and their bodily autonomy. they know these places arent for healing--theyre for silencing.

So the amount of people i see treating bill being institutionalized like a good thing---even the writers and alex himself?

Yeah. Im out ✌🏼

#you people try to act quirky and say you like weird stuff and you like crazy people and hate normies #but then when someone isnt a normie and actually does want to change things in radical ways you want to put them in an asylum #i do not want to interact with any of you people!#i still love gravity falls (obviously) but im just... so over the fandom at this point.#even people who LIKE bill are trying to act like this is all a good thing #guess what asylums dont help :) they almost always make things worse!#so in reality if bill ever got out he would just be 100x worse and more vengeful than before! congrats.#Play stupid games get stupid prizes!#gravity falls #antipsych #i seriously dont understand why anyone things mental wards are in any way different than how they used to be a hundred yeears ago.#because they arent. at all. like literally at all.#they forcefully medicate you with pills that you dont need and that actively harm you bc random ass nurses diagnose you with #someething different every other day and ust give you a new pill for every diagnosis #i know someone who was put on antipsychs when not only do they not have a psych disorder but they had a heart condition and #nearly died bc of it. I myself was put on three different pills the very night i went in. they never #even hesitated to wait and see if i would have a bad reaection or if i reeally needed it.#bc why would they when heavily meedicating you makes you unable to think or reaelize what theyre doing is extremely unethical?#i saw multiple people held down and strapped to their beds and given sedatives for doing nothing at all. For simply asking questions.#I saw staff harass and mock and disrespect very speciifc kids (specifically the poc kids.)#I saw staff lie and try to incite fear in other kids and myself.#one of them told me the night before i was cleared for release tat if i said 'im fine' at any point they would keep me for another month.#and that if i didnt continue to take the meds (ssris) that i was overdosing on that they would come grab me in a van and bring me back #against my will.#Keep in mind i was here based off of lies. There was no real reason for me to be in that asylum.#So yeah. literally dont come on this post trying to defend asylums bc i PROMISE you i have more experience in the reality than you #ever could.#Theyre horrible and romanticising it even against a fictional villain is repulsive behavior.

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theoldworldsrunnerup · 9 months

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Oopsies my hand slipped and I drew this

#FINALLY gave into the urges and drew them. sorry guys the mental illness won this time #tbf i’ve been deranged about this pairing for almost a year now i think i have a right to indulge myself after so long #GOD this is embarrassing to post. my sense of shame is too strong to be posting cringe art of my godawful ships even on here #if you hate me for drawing this don’t worry i’ll go die in a hole after posting this!!!#just kidding i’ll actually probably draw more even though i find it embarrassing #death note #death note fanart #mello #mihael keehl #soichiro yagami #soichiro x mello #mello x soichiro #soichello #<— some of you may want to filter those last three tags considering that i post about them semi regularly #if you don’t know how i’m pretty sure you just go settings —> account —> filtered tags and put in whatever tag you want to filter #chara’s art #first time drawing soichiro and i draw him at the most difficult angle possible. why did i do that to myself #i mean it’s not bad for my first attempt but he looks. thinner?? then i intended???#mello’s face looks off here but i had fun drawing him #anyways happy new years. i spent the last few days of last year and the first few hours of this year drawing this #what an amazing and productive way of spending that time #new years resolution is to go outside and touch grass #i can’t stop writing in the tags. i think it’s because i’m hesitating to post this lmao #oh my god whatever just shut up and hit post

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bunnihearted · 27 days

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꒰୨୧꒱

#the thing is that even if i always long for a relastionship...#i've never even been in one and idk how they work & im so scared of many things #i have sm troubles and issues with touch. i've gotten to a place where i cant even stand my own sisters or mom bumping into me #and outside i cant stand when someone accidentally walks into me or touching someone's legs on the bus #i hate it. it's not only feeling uncomfortable i feel distressed and scared and sick #smth that seems very normal in like all couples is that youre 'allowed' to touch eo all thge time whenever #that scares me a lot. like touch is so scary for me. and when youre in a relationship theres just this silent agreement that you can touch #eo all the time and thats like... how it's supposed to be.... ://#thats so scary to me. that theres this expectation and demand that if im someones gf they should be allowed to touch me whnever #and like i've never been in love and been in a relationship and been touched by that person so idk #maybe it wouldnt be an issue. but just thinking that.. i dont belong completely to myself and therefore give up #the right to not be touched if and when i feel distressed or uneasy is too scary for me #maybe i could learn to feel safe with them and want their touch but rn it scares me skskks #what if they kiss me when im feeling extremely sex reoulsed and wanna kill myself bc of my inner agony #and they get hurt when i try to pull away?#bc regardless of what ppl say... it is a truth that in a relationship youre exoected to want physical touch at all times #and it is seen as an insult to your partner if there are other forces within u (like trauma etc) that makes u sometimes uncomfortable w it #but yeah idk... the problem is that... in humanity and society #consent is one of the least important and prioritized things. as a humanbeing living u will have your consent disregarded countless times #and for me personally consent is one of the most important things. & thats one of the reasons why its so hard for me to live in this society #like yes i do want to have a partner and touch and be touched #but what if we're in the store and im feeling particularly bad that day and feel like #i need to turn myself inside out and peel my skin off and feel anxious and scared #and they just casually grab my ass?? then i will go home and kill myself :) or have a breakdown in the store lol #i dont want to go thru this but i also dont wanna put someone else thru it #and like it would be different if they asked first if i was ok being touched and i said yes #and if i said no theyd respect me and not get hurt #but like be for real.... almost nobody does that. and almost everyone thinks thats lame #in most relationships nobody asks eo. youre expected to just always be ok with it. if u want to be asked youre silly and demanding #nobody asks their partner abt that. that just dont happen lmao. so idk. :((( i wish i was normal

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unnamed-atlas · 3 months

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Finally finished sweet tooth s3. Having incredibly mixed feelings

#love the show. love it a lot. about to be a bitch in the tags anyways #it was. so so messy. they needed another season so bad. the alaska trip took up so much of the comics #and that was with the previously established cast #in the show they introduced a million new characters. gave us no time to get to know them before they were thrown head first into the plot #and condensed an arc that was almost half of the comics into the span of like 5 episodes #my boy singh. oh how they massacred by boy #i mean. okay. in the context of the show the arc wasn't horrible for him.#but i think his survival in the comic and his dedication of his life to making up for the mistakes of his past by helping people and hybrids #would've been so much more powerful than his random self sacrifice at the end of the show.#bc honestly it just seems like another impulsive act in his moral flip flop he'd been having for the last few episodes #rather than active choice to be better #and honestly i wanted to see his delusional paranoid religious breakdown from the comics put to screen so bad #it would've been great #i do like that he turned against zhang the second she started trying to talk about rani. that shit slapped #the several fake outs about Jepp's death were so stupid and unnecessary and repetitive #why are you baiting everyone. you're going to piss off the hardcore comic fans waiting for his death and confuse the show fans #either commit to killing him or stop pretending like you're brave enough to do it #why did they flip back so hard into the mystical vaguely eco fascist backstory and outcome of the comic #after spending two seasons trying to build a more scientific and less 'humanity must end' story for two seasons straight #they tried to make it seem less 'humanity must die' again at the end by ending the virus #which i guess might've been the best outcome available considering the source material and the limitations of it's ending #but idk. it felt weird #the writing this season was so much less subtle. it felt like the characters were constantly monologing directly at the camera #nothing could be left unsaid everyone had to say exactly what they meant #and it was all moral lessons the writers were trying to feed directly to the audience #i feel like they wrote themselves into a corner at the end of the last season #and they expected to have at least one more season to write themselves out of it before the ending #and if not. if this was the plan since the beginning. literally what. WHAT.#can not imagine the people who wrote the last two seasons sitting down and writing this #it won't let me add more tags but i have more thoughts. many more. tumblr is silencing me for speaking the truth /j

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thethingything · 5 months

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our mum's boyfriend has been telling her to avoid going to a doctor about her asthma symptoms for as long as possible because "once you start on an inhaler it's really hard to stop taking it again because you can't breathe when you stop taking it" and like??? yeah no shit, if you stop taking the meds that help you breathe you're gonna start struggling to breathe

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #see the thing is I know before we got diagnosed we thought our breathing wasn't too bad #other than that we got out of breath really easily and regularly noticed a whistling noise when we breathed #and now if we stop taking our inhaler we very quickly start struggling to breathe and it's very obvious that something's wrong #as in we ran out of meds twice and couldn't get more when we needed to and almost had to call an ambulance #and I can see why that would look like ''oh so now your breathing is worse when you don't take the meds than before you started them''#but no it's a combination of us not realising how bad our symptoms were until we experienced them not being that bad #and us getting used to a new baseline so the symptoms we were previously used to feel worse and more alarming now #and like... if we stop taking the maintenance meds suddenly it makes sense that our body's gonna flip its shit and have a bad time #and we're gonna get an especially bad flare up of symptoms #but the thing about putting off getting diagnosed and getting treatment #is that the longer you go without getting treatment the more your lungs are gonna get fucked up and you risk permanent damage from that #it's called airway remodelling and it can fuck up your lungs pretty badly

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themidnightcircusshow · 7 months

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Every new thing I learn about James Somerton's process just drives home how he almost (but really doesn't) knows what he's doing. Yes, of course you use the sources you read as a jumping off point. Of course you copy and paste the important sections into your outline document so you can reread them. That's why you put them in quotation marks.

#James Somerton #honesty time: I totally believe he did this by accident #his entire problem is that he writes like a fandom account with bad takes #his anecdotal evidence that Todd in the Shadows spent a two hour video trying to find sources for?#they're all fandom drama taken out of their cultural context #(yes fandom counts as a subculture and therefore has specific context)#and all of it gets attributed to straight white women coz everyone knows shippers are all straight and cis women /s #he simultaneously treats his videos like bad fandom meta and Documentaries of Great Importance and those just do not mesh #it's part of why his videos were so unbearable if you actually knew what he was talking about #he learned how to make a youtube video essay. He did not learn how to write or study any of his chosen subject matter #I think that's also why he was not expecting to be called out the way he has because I suspect he probably thought everyone wrote this way #a lot of old video essayists especially the Chez Apocalypse bunch were very good at not broadcasting just how much went into their videos #so their style that has now become the norm feels incredibly off the cuff but is heavily researched #but also they are using that research to support their own hypotheses and ideas as you are supposed to #so I wonder if when he got called out he just brushed it off because surely he just writes the same way everyone writes #(and hey fandom posts are rarely cited because they assume everyone knows what they are talking about)#it almost makes me feel sorry for him but all I can think about is how catstrophically bad he is at this job #oh and for everyone wondering: I've found the best way to research is to put quotes in quotation marks #paraphrasing in either different punctuating or a different colour #and your own personal thoughts based on the source in something different again #all with the correct citations for your preferred style #this makes sure you have everything cited so when you put it all together you can do it easily without having to go back through it all #and prevents this from happening #(tbh I'm kinda sad I'm not still teaching. This would have been a perfect meme for how to do your damn citations week)

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arolesbianism · 15 hours

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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up