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corazondebeskar-reads · 5 months

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well it's love, make it hurt - chapter seventeen

well it's love, make it hurt series

seventeen: it's you I can't deny

series masterlist | prev chapter | epilogue

dom!Din Djarin x sub!f!reader

Words: 4.7k

Summary: You and Din learn to know each other again.

Warnings: bdsm, d/s dynamics, enthusiastic consent, preestablished safeword etc, dom!din djarin x sub!reader, soft din djarin, din djarin is a good dad, long distance relationship, vaginal sex, oral (m & f receiving), communication, angst, major life decisions, author plays god with the timelines (sorry), canon adjacent?, canon divergence?, no use of y/n

a/n: my friends, this is the end. the epilogue will be posted on December 18.

i love you, and thank you for spending time with these two. it means more to me than you'll ever know.

also um just bear with me about what I've done to the canon timeline. it's only a little wonky.

also on ao3

dividers by @saradika-graphics

9 ABY - Fall

Despite his intentions, you don’t talk every day. It’s just not feasible. And maybe nights pass when you’re already asleep when he calls, but if it happens, he doesn’t mention it. You think he’s still afraid to scare you.

What scares you is how much you wouldn’t mind, and even that isn’t so frightening these days. This is easy, far easier than having to be stuck in hyperspace while you learn how to know him again.

When you ask him to tell you the story of how the kid became more than a bounty, you can hear the smile in his agreement. Can hear how glad he is that you want to talk to him, that you want to know.

He tells you the whole thing, and another night, he tells you about the Purge.

You didn’t ask about that one, could never have. It’s an awful, agonizing story, and it leaves you raw. But it feels important that he shared it with you, allowed you to take on some of his pain, and bear witness to his sorrow.

One night, after a few of radio silence, he calls to tell you he’s in a town on Tatooine. There’s a sick anger in his voice as he describes the man who was not a Mandalorian and the agreement they made.

“Should have just killed him and taken it,” you grumble.

“I think he might be a good man,” Din admits.

It’s high praise, you think, coming from him. He might be the only good man you’ve ever met.

He promises to call after, and you don’t worry, even when several days go by.

You don’t.

The way your body feels warm for the first time in days when he finally calls has nothing to do with it.

You roll your eyes at his story, of how Vanth almost ruined the whole thing by refusing the Tuskens’ drink, of how he blows off defeating a krayt dragon as something simple. It surely wouldn’t have been without him, from the sounds of it.

Later, when he tells you the full story, you take back all of the compliments you had given his strategy and competency. (But you forgive him. He wasn’t wrong, really. You weren’t ready to hear it then.)

9 ABY - Winter

You tell him the things you held close before. The things you kept stitched up, that you thought would make you more of a person than an idea, if he knew them.

Some of them were the building blocks you knew would betray you—the day your parents died. The first time you sucked cock for food. Your first kill.

Stories you’d never shared and tried your best to forget.

Moreso, though, you try to share the little things. The things that you wouldn’t have had to share before when you lived your days side by side.

You bitch about bounties.

You gossip about your neighbor Moshi’s on-again-off-again relationship with the Rodian couple down the street (they’re on again right now—you know because you get a lot less sleep lately).

You tell him how you went to the market for new shoes and came back with a little gorg-shaped instrument that makes croaking sounds for the kid instead.

(“How loud is it?” he asks, with no small amount of apprehension. “Loud,” you tell him with a grin.)

He sulks a little the next time he calls. He wanted to see you before moving on, but the next lead was time-sensitive and drawn out.

“That’s too bad,” you say, voice soft and low.

“Yeah? Why’s that?” He almost restrains the hope in his voice.

You’d laugh, but you’re honestly a little nervous. But it’s easier to say this than any of the other things haunting your mind during those sleepless nights. “Oh, I don’t know. Been thinking a lot about having your cock in my mouth again.”

There’s a strangled groan from the other side of the comm. “Cyar’ika,” he warns.

“You don’t want me to get on my knees for you?”

“I do, but I can’t talk about this right now.”

“You don’t have to talk,” you say. “You can just listen.”

In the end, he has to lock himself in the fresher. When he can’t help but cum, you think you might understand why he likes to have power over you.

He does promise to get you back for it, though. If it’s supposed to be a threat, it’s not a very effective one.

But Din being Din, he throws you off balance. “Don’t you dare touch yourself until I get there,” he says after. “If—if that’s still alright.”

A shudder runs through you. “Yes, sir,” you whisper. It aches in your throat on the way out, but you’re not afraid.

He means to tease you next time. Instead, you know something’s wrong as soon as he calls.

He deflects. He’s not ready to think about it, about Bo-Katan Kryze and what she had said about his people. You let him change the subject without pushing it, but he knows you’re not happy about it.

And he knows that not knowing will be worse for you. That you’ll think he just doesn’t want to talk to you. That you’ll simply shut him back out.

So he tells you. He tells you how angry he is at them for their disrespect. “It’s got to do with why our people were so divided before,” he admits. “I can accept that they have different beliefs about what it means to be a Mandalorian. But—”

“But they didn’t have to be such bitches about it! She straight up said ‘cult’?”

He laughs. Your righteous indignance soothes his anger. “You going to fight her for me, sweetheart?”

“What, you don’t think I could take her?”

“Well, she’s got head-to-toe beskar.”

“But she takes the helmet off, so all ll I have to do is punch her in the face.”

He can’t help but laugh again, grinning foolishly in the empty hull of the Crest.

“You know, you’re being pretty rude to someone ready to fight a trained warrior for disrespecting you.”

“I’m not. I just—thank you.”

“You’ve lost it.” You roll your eyes when he just laughs again.

“I might have,” he admits when he’s settled down. It wasn’t really funny, after all. But the abrupt switch from betrayed fury to the overwhelming affection made him feel happier than he had in a long time.

“Hey,” he says, suddenly soft and serious.

“What?”

“I miss you.” It was the first time he had said anything of the sort on these calls. But the danger of setting off your alarms, of causing you to run, seemed so much less these days.

You’re quiet for a moment. You let the feeling sink in and breathe through it. It’s okay, you remind yourself, it’s not a dangerous thing. He’s not asking you to run away with him.

He’s not asking you for anything.

“Yeah, I miss you, too,” you say. You’re quiet, like it’s a secret, and you guess it kind of was. A secret you’ve spilled now, and can’t just wash away.

He doesn’t know what to say. He said it because he wanted you to hear it, not because he ever imagined you’d admit it, too.

But he doesn’t have to figure it out. You surprise him again, and ask, “How far is Corvus?”

“From Batuu? I’m not sure. I’ll look it up later.”

“No, I meant from you, like how long until you get there.”

“Sweetheart, I’m not going there first. I’m coming to you.”

“Are you sure? Don’t delay your mission just because I—”

“I’m not delaying it because you miss me. I’m delaying it because there’s time and I miss you. The nav was set before I called.”

You meet him at the docking bay. Well, you time your dinner around his estimated arrival, but it’s basically the same thing. A compromise you made with yourself.

Rather than waiting there, feeling stupid in public, or waiting in your apartment, still feeling stupid but alone, you’d just get something to eat. Still, you can’t help but watch out for the Crest on the horizon. When you spot it, the nausea you’ve been fighting in the four days since he told you he was coming returns tenfold.

It doesn’t take him long to find you, sliding into the seat beside you. It’s all very smooth, the way he wraps an arm around your waist and presses his helmet briefly to your forehead.

You flush and try to focus on your tip yip and grains.

“You know,” he says, letting you go so you can eat. “If you want to fight people for disrespecting me, start with the di’kut trying to pass that stew off as Mandalorian. It’s a joke.”

You cover your mouth when you laugh so you don’t drop rice all over. “Oh, I know. I told him there was no way it was really Mandalorian. It was edible. My face didn’t even come close to melting off.”

He shakes his head, bumping his shoulder against yours. “It’s not my fault you can’t handle it.”

“Maybe you’re just a bad cook.”

“You never complained about anything else I made.”

“Well, yeah, almost anything’s better than ration packs.”

“It’s supposed to hurt,” he insists. “That’s what makes it tiingilar. It can’t be called tiingilar if it doesn’t make your sinuses burn.”

You grin up at him, eyes bright, before the look falls abruptly off your face, and you turn back to your food.

He’s not sure what he’s done.

But you take a minute, take a breath, and swallow down the terror. “Sorry, I got a little overwhelmed. It’s still weird, you know. To see you,” is what you finally say.

“It’s okay.”

From anyone else, you’d bristle at the platitude, but from Din… well, you know he means it. It really is just okay. You set down your spork. “He asleep?” You nod at the closed pram.

“Yeah, just fell asleep before we landed. Should be out for a while.”

Another grin creeps across your face, sly and pleased. “So, we’ve got a few hours?”

His fingers twitch into fists for a moment. “You, um. Are you done eating?”

You laugh, standing up and closing the lid of the takeout box. By the time he stands, you’re walking down the road. “You coming or what?”

He catches up with you easily, the pram trailing silently behind. “You first,” he promises, taking your free hand in his.

After he parks the pram in the living room, he stops and studies you, head tilted. “We don’t have to,” he starts. “I didn’t—I want to spend time with you, it doesn’t—”

“Din,” your voice is soft as you approach him, winding your arms around his neck. “I don’t think you’ve been talking to me practically every night for months, all just to get your dick wet.”

“I don’t want to screw this up.”

You don’t know what to say, so you pull down on his neck until he leans forward. You press your forehead to his helmet.

His hands find your waist and hold tight. For a moment, you find peace in the solidity of him after only having his voice for so long.

His embrace feels like coming home.

After several reassurances that yes, you did want this, he finally beckoned you to your bedroom without a sound. You found yourself knelt between his thighs at the end of the bed, moving on instinct with him and reading his intent in the line of his body.

“Open,” he says, voice soft but firm.

You obey. The command has you a little dizzy, and how is this so easy? So easy to slip right back into your place at his feet, so easy to just listen.

“Oh, cyar’ika,” he lifts your chin with two gloved fingers, “You want to be so good for me, don’t you?” He’s close enough like this that you can hear the way he croons, voice velvet beneath the crackle of the helmet.

You give a small nod, not wanting to knock his hand away. He rewards you by sliding it up to cup your cheek in his palm. You waver, but don’t melt completely, not yet.

“I know,” he says, running his thumb over your tongue. The glove is rough and metallic, and you whimper with the effort of keeping your jaw stretched open, aching to take whatever he’ll let you. He chuckles, shoving it further into your mouth.

“Go on then,” he says with a slight tip of his helmet. Immediately, you wrap your lips around his thumb, gently licking and sucking on the coarse tip, pushing it deeper so you can reach the leather at his knuckle.

“That’s it. You feel better already?”

You groan around your mouthful, eyes falling shut. He shifts his grip on your chin to the other hand in order to thrust the digit deeper, brushing against the roof of your mouth. It tickles in the worst way, and you attempt to choke down the cough by swallowing more of him. He pulls his thumb from your mouth.

Your heart sinks, but the whine that sneaks out is muffled by two long fingers, two long, bare fingers that are unceremoniously shoved down your throat. He curls them a little, pressing down on the back of your tongue, and lets out a soft groan when you fight the urge to gag by swallowing hard, the soft walls clenching around his fingers.

“There you go,” he whispers, bringing the other hand—now also bared—to hold the side of your face. Between the feeling of his skin against your cheek and the salty taste of his fingers on your tongue, you don’t even notice as you start to slip. Eyes fluttering shut. Drool leaking between his fingers from your stretched lips. He continues to murmur, but you hear little beyond the rumble of his voice.

He taps his hand lightly against your cheek, just firm enough to be on the sharp side. You blink, taking in the way he’s leaning back, head cocked to the side. He pulls the fingers out of your mouth and just sits there for a second.

Oh kriff. He asked you something. “Um,” and your voice creaks a little, “what?”

He shakes his head, neither cruel nor dismissive. “Cyar’ika,” the baritone is a notch lower, “I need you to stay with me for now.” His thumb rubs circles on your cheek. “I’ll help you down when we’re ready.”

“Okay,” you say, little more than a whisper.

“What do you say?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good girl.” His cock throbs a little when a shudder runs through you at the praise.

He can’t wait any longer. He doesn’t think you can, either. You're staring at the line of his cock through his flightsuit.

Despite his urgency, he moves slowly, making sure you’re following his hands as they rub over his length through the fabric. He chokes back a moan and is rewarded for his silence by hearing yours.

Your mouth is still open. Waiting. Your hands are on your knees, fingernails digging in through your trousers.

He pulls his cock out, and you whimper, but don’t falter. “Look at you,” he murmurs, holding himself in one hand and your chin in the other.

He doesn’t make you wait longer, can’t. He holds you in place, groaning as he settles himself on your tongue.

You moan at the taste, and he takes the opportunity to grab your hair and thrust in. You gag but don’t tap out, instead pushing forward to take him deeper.

“Fuck,” he moans, already panting with the effort to hold back. He tries to hold still, to let you take what you need from him. He can feel the way you’re still trying to pay penance for a sin he doesn’t think you’ve committed. He doesn’t like it, but it’s less desperate than when you begged him to hurt you for it, so he lets you offer yourself this way. It’s safer, controlled.

And he can’t say he’s not enjoying being the focus of your worship.

You think fleetingly of him asking you to stay present, and grab at his hand while you drool around his cock. With his fingers in your grasp, you tug a little and whine, throat fluttering around him.

“Go ahead, ner kar’ta,” he says, clasping your hand in his and stroking the other through your hair. “I’ve got you.”

So when you start feeling like you’ll float away, you let it happen. Your mind quiets in the way only he has ever helped you achieve, and with his hands tethering you, you give yourself to him completely.

He fucks into your mouth roughly, now. You take everything he gives, and more, still licking and sucking when he allows. When he abruptly pulls out, you whine but don’t move, swaying a little where you kneel, eyes closed.

“Up, cyar’ika,” he says, and helps you climb onto the bed. You peer up at him as he arranges you how he wants, arms above your head with your hands clasped, knees bent and spread wide at the end of the mattress.

He turns the light off.

“Oh, fuck,” you whisper.

The hiss of his helmet follows. Your window is closed, curtains drawn, and no light sneaks into the room. His hands find your thighs and squeeze, reassuring you of his closeness, and giving you warning as he sinks to his knees and licks from your cunt to your clit with no hesitation.

His hands slide down to hold you open, and it doesn’t take long before you’re begging. You had already been soaked from sucking his cock, anyway.

He pulls back minutely. “I don’t know, cyare, you weren’t very nice, teasing me the other night.”

“Please, sir, I’m sorry,” you cry.

His thumb flicks at your clit. “I’m just teasing you, pretty girl. Cum all you want tonight. I’ve got five years' worth to collect.”

And who the fuck just says things like that? But you don’t consider it long, because the second his tongue is back on you, you cum, crying his name.

It sounds just as irresistible as he imagined. He’s already starving, but it makes him ravenous.

He pulls two more orgasms from you before he stands up and sheathes his cock in your warm cunt, swearing as you bear down around him, pulling him in.

“Such a good girl,” he bends over you, your legs around his waist, and presses his lips to every inch of your skin that he can reach. His teeth catch on the line of your neck and the curve of your breast before capturing your bottom lip, pulling you open for him to push inside your mouth. He consumes without restraint, gorging himself on your moans and cries.

When he buries himself as deep as possible and cums, you join him, enveloping him in the heat of your release. He stays rooted inside you, looming over you, as you shake and start to cry.

It’s wrong, though.

It doesn’t feel like the way you used to crack open under his fingers and let him carve out all your distress. It’s not a burst of catharsis or a moment of blossoming under the deluge.

“Cyar’ika,” he cups your cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” you plead between sobs that wrack your whole body. “I’m sorry. I thought I could do this, but I can’t.”

He carefully extracts himself and lays beside you, gathering you into his chest. “It’s okay. I understand,” he says, even though he thinks maybe something inside him isn’t going to survive this.

You don’t hold him back, arms folded into the space between you. But you do bury your face into him and sob until you can breathe again.

“Din,” you whimper. “I’m so sorry.”

“Can you tell me why?” he asks. He presses a kiss into your hair, though he knows he shouldn’t, not now.

You let out a shaky sigh that threatens to crack into a new round of cries. You shouldn’t let him; you should stop him, but the sobs get stuck in your throat and fade when he kisses you.

It gives you the nerve to speak. “I love you.”

He freezes, baffled. “What?”

“I love you, Din. I thought I could ignore everything and be happy with whatever you could give me, but I can’t do it again. I can’t.” You also can’t stop talking, now that you’re finally admitting it all to him and to yourself. “There’s no place for me in your life, and I just. I’m not doing that to myself. I can’t watch you leave again.”

“So come with me,” he whispers, both your hands clasped in his. It’s still flawlessly dark, but he has his sweaty forehead against yours, and you can feel the curve of his nose with your own. He steals a kiss. “Please, cyare.”

“My whole life is here,” you tell him again, but it feels like a lie with the way your lips chase his for more. Your apartment is here. Your possessions are here. But there wasn’t anything you couldn’t walk away from. That wasn’t really the issue.

“So keep it. Keep the apartment, the connections. We’ll come back after.”

“Din, I—” you try again. The words are scrambling to leave you, only restrained by the horrible anxiety of having to hear the truth spoken aloud.

“Tell me exactly what you’re afraid of, cyare. I can help. We’ve always been stronger together.”

“What happens after?”

“After what?”

“I don’t know. After. When you go home, and I can’t go with you. I can’t do the same thing again, Din; I’m not made for it. Not for what you’re asking me to give in between.” It wouldn’t—couldn’t be casual, this time. Not with the way his love for you has survived the last five years. And if you’re really honest, not with the way your love for him has survived, too.

It’s a petrifying thought. Except it isn’t quite. Not anymore. Maybe it’s why you’re confident in these boundaries, ready to admit you aren’t capable of the same untethered companionship. You’ve loved and lost him enough to know it has to be all or nothing.

And he can’t give you all. So it has to be nothing.

His shaky breath floods across your lips. “What if you could go with me?”

You sit back a little, but don’t pull your hands from his. His thumb is tapping against your knuckle. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t want you to think I’m putting any pressure on you. I just want to—it’s just an option, okay?”

“What’s an option, Din? You’re making me nervous.”

He takes another deep breath with a slow exhale. “I think I’ve told you before, but being a Mandalorian is a Creed. A choice. There are no rules about who can or can’t swear it, as long as they’re committed.” He pauses, and when you don’t react, he adds, “and you can walk away at any time. It doesn’t have to be until death. You just can’t come back if you leave.”

You do let go of his hands, now. Not because you’re pulling away from him, but because what you think he’s trying to say is overwhelming. You bury your face in your palms and try to parse his words.

“I’m sorry, that’s—I shouldn’t ask that much of you.”

You put a finger up and remember that he can’t really see. “Shh, just give me a second, okay?”

You mull the concept around. It seems like such a monumental thought, an idea of incredible ridiculousness.

But really, what would change about your life? You would hunt. You would carry a small arsenal of weapons.

What would you lose? The ability to show your face?

It meant nothing in comparison to what you could gain.

“What if I went through everything, and then you decide you don’t want me?”

“That won’t happen.”

“Din. I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

“No, ugh,” you grind your teeth. “I need to know, realistically.”

“Realistically? Then when you kick my ass for it, you’ll be in full beskar, and it’ll be a fair fight.”

You can’t help but laugh, even if it's a weak, shaky thing stolen from your breath.

“Cyar’ika. I have no intention of being apart from you if I can help it. But I promise that if something were to happen, there would still be a place for you with the Mandalorians. We don’t abandon our own.”

It doesn’t quite compute. He knows that. Knows the way that even before your parents died, there was no one else. Everyone always willing to cut you open and take. But, if you do this, you’ll learn.

And he wants so badly to give that to you. A family. One way or another.

He takes advantage of your silence, rolling onto his back and pulling you against him, tucked into his arm, where you should be. He kisses your hair and rubs a hand over your back, nails gliding gently over your shoulder blades. Every touch you let him steal while you think over his proposition gives him hope.

You’re not running. Not yet.

Maybe not ever.

But you don’t answer him that night. Instead, you let yourself be lulled to sleep by his warm body and soothing motions. He takes it as a good sign when you drift off.

The kid wakes first in the morning. It’s for the best, since he forgot to put his helmet back on when he fell asleep. Din regretfully slips out of bed, tucking you in. He helps himself to your kitchen and starts a pot of caf before working up a breakfast.

He’s frying eggs when he hears you up and moving around the bedroom. He keeps to his cooking, trying to temper his expectations by reminding himself that you very well may slip out the window.

But you don’t. You come out of the bedroom and sit on one of the metal stools tucked under your countertop.

“Good morning, cutie,” you say to the baby, who is sitting in your sink with the faucet running, filling a bowl, and dumping it out over and over. The drain is open, making sure no water accumulates, and he seems fascinated by the flow. He abandons it, however, when he sees you, cooing and reaching his hands out to you.

“I don’t know, buddy; let me grab a towel first.”

Din tosses you one from your drawer without breaking away from his task.

“Look at that,” you tell the baby. “Like magic.”

Din snorts under the helmet. If only you knew.

Actually, he thinks, he should probably tell you.

But later. When he’s not struggling to keep focus, pretending like his hands aren’t shaking, like he’s not waiting while you hold his heart in your palms and decide what to do with it.

While you dry the kid off and let him climb on your shoulders and head, he plates the meal, setting his own aside.

The kid lunges for the plate, but you catch him. “No way, it’s still hot. Be patient,” you tell him.

Din catches himself staring right as you do.

“What?” you say.

“Nothing,” he shakes his head and pries the kid off you, untangling his little claws from your sleep-addled braid so you can eat in peace.

You thank him quietly when he sets the plate in front of you, and you start to eat, though you mostly just push the food around with your fork.

“Did you mean it?” you ask finally.

“Completely.” His voice is thick and heavy with hope.

“You want me to become a Mandalorian.”

It’s not a question, but he answers it anyway. “Yes. I want you to come home with me. I want to be by your side, always, if you’ll have me.”

You hum, falling back into thought, and eat your breakfast. When you’ve finished, you push the plate away and stand up. “I’m going to get dressed. Let me know when you’re done eating.”

He knocks on your door ten minutes later, having taken an extra few minutes to wash the dishes. When you open it, you’re in one of your go-to hunting outfits, and your pack is strapped to your back.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

“Are you sure?”

“Completely. Take me home, Din.”

*title from "My Blue Heaven" by Taking Back Sunday

#din djarin x reader #the mandalorian x reader #mando x reader #the mandalorian fic #din djarin x f!reader #din djarin x you #mando x you #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian smut #dom din djarin #make it hurt verse

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kaepop-trash · 1 year

Text

Notorious: Act IV

Rated: 18+ ONLY, Smut, Neo-Noir, Femme Fatale, Undercover Agent, Criminal, Exes to "Lovers", Mutual Pining, Cat and Mouse dynamics but make it hurt.

Pairing: JaehyunxReaderxJohnny

Summary: Inspired by Notorious (1946), Ever since your father went to jail for an illegal arms trade, a lot had changed in your life. Your present was about living with a tarnished reputation, the only redemption being a strange man who you agreed to help get to the root of the same trade that ruined your family. Still, just as you were adjusting to that very man, your past came back to haunt you. The only part of your past that had ever been happy till it wasn't, a part you could leave behind but never forget. But if Johnny was your past and Jaehyun your present, what would your future be?

Chapter Summary: Johnny asks (Y/N) for a precious favour. Jaehyun is against it and she isn't too keen on it either. What do you do when your worst fears come true?

Warnings: Smut; Fingering, Penetration, unprotected sex; Strong themes of alchoholism, emotional abuse, emotional manipulation, gaslighting. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE ASPIRATIONAL.

Word Count: 9.7k

(A/N): This took me a very long time because it was very heavy to write. Without getting too much into it, I just hope everyone can forgive me for being so inconsistent.

Act I | Act II | Act III

Taglist: @commentgirl @sadgirlroo @nak4m8to @babyksworld @milkyway-vxm @hwangfulok-blog

Johnny took her hand in his under the table, an old habit that she had just learned to live with by now. The immobility the gesture gave, made it hard to open the menu so she just leaned over to the side to peer into his.

(Y/N) could see his lips tug from the corner of her eye at the gesture as he brushed a kiss against her temple. When she turned, he gave her a pursed smile, eyes glimmering with the light that had slowly started returning in the past month. The same glimmer that made her fall in love with him once upon a time.

“You should get the shrimp pasta, they make it really well here.” His voice was soft. She had to look away to ignore the thumping in her chest, giving him a nod. He was happier lately, more than perhaps she could recall. The only time she could remember him being happier was the day he got on one knee in front of her.

(Y/N) pulled herself out of her thoughts with a harsh tug, “Sure, that sounds good.” She shrugged. “I’ll have that and a glass of rosé.”

“You’re not drinking.” He stated with a brisk finality.

“Why not?” She turned to give him a frown. “I want a glass of rosé.”

“You don’t need it though, sweetheart.” He lifted her hand, giving it a kiss. “It’s just a glass of wine.”

“Exactly.” She pulled her hand out of his, “It’s just a glass of wine that I want to pair my food with.

Johnny sighed, “I’m just looking out for you.”

“I appreciate it.” She spoke, clearly not meaning it. “I’m still getting myself what I want.

“(Y/N).” His voice was an impatient warning that he tried to soften with a sigh.

“Stop speaking.” She didn’t soften the warning in her tone. “You can’t make decisions for me.”

“Why are you being like this?” Johnny frowned, “I’ve noticed that you drink too much and I’m just concerned. Why are you making me sound like a villain?” He sounded hurt, brows furrowing.

She stared at him for a moment, feeling whiplash from how rapidly he made her feel nineteen years old again. She had to look away to curb her anger. She reminded herself that she wasn’t nineteen anymore and took a deep breath instead of just spitting her anger out at him. She was not going to make it easier for him.

“I’m not trying to make you sound like a villain. That was not my intention, I apologise if it sounded like that.” She surrendered, looking away and catching a waiter’s eye.

Johnny looked extremely confused from her admittance, forehead creasing for a second before he sighed and gave her a tight lip smile. Johnny had been ready for a fight. One where he could emerge as the martyr, as was his habit. And she was not going to make it easy.

“I just want what’s best for you.” He reasoned.

“I know. I’m sorry.” She hummed, looking up just as the waiter approached. When it looked like Johnny was going to reach for her hand, she busied it by reaching for her glass of water. Johnny didn’t say anything, neither did he make any further attempt to touch her. When the waiter asked if they wanted something to drink with their food, she said no.

“They have a raspberry pudding on the menu.” Johnny spoke for the first time once their plates were empty. "Should we order some?" He asked, speaking like he was walking on eggshells.

"Sure." She spoke, giving him a compliant nod. Johnny flexed his jaw, turning away from her to call a waiter. His forehead creased with clear markings of irritation. The audacity of it offended her, but she willed herself to keep her mouth shut and they finished their dinner in silence.

They made it back to his house like that, Johnny following behind her as they ascended the stairs that led to the living room.

"Why are you angry at me when I was just looking out for you?" He spoke just as she turned to go upstairs to the bedroom.

"Who said I'm angry?" She resisted the urge to frown.

"You are angry." He huffed.

She turned to him with eyes void of any emotion at all. "No I'm not.” She lied. “You just want me to be angry because then you can tell me how you were looking out for me and how I'm not justified in my anger."

Johnny looked a little caught off guard by the assessment, yet recovering in a beat. "I was looking out for you."

Sharp anger rose to her head from the repeated sentence. Like if he said it enough times, she'd somehow believe him. Or he’d believe himself.

"I know. And I am not angry. I said I'm sorry to you then. So why are we having this conversation?” She furrowed her brows, feigning confusion.

“I know you. I especially know your anger.” He injected.

“Was deciding what I'll consume not enough? Now you want to decide how I'm feeling?" The words slipped off her lips with increasing hostility, realising too late when Johnny's frown unfurled. He had trapped her.

"I thought you weren't angry." He took a step closer towards her.

"I'm not." She turned away from him, feeling like a child caught in a lie.

"I wasn't trying to control you.” He took a step on the stairs, coming around her to meet her gaze— and to tower over her. “I was just doing what someone who cares would." He tried to reason, tone still infuriatingly chastising.

"I didn't say you were controlling me." She said without bite, not looking up at him, adamant to not give him anything to use against her again. She knew how he fought, always ready to make himself the victim so she was left to be the perpetrator.

"In only so many words." He came closer, putting a hand over the one she had on the railing. "I just don't see why you drink all the time. You almost finished the whiskey I keep in the office." His tone changed and she tried to move away from the concern.

"I'll buy you more." She tried to go around him, stopping when he squeezed her hand to curb her ascend.

"You know that's not what this is about." His voice edged on a sense of betrayal. "I know things haven't been easy for you. Nobody knows that more than me. But this isn't the answer. Sometimes we need to face things instead of hiding behind temporary solutions."

She gripped her own jaw this time, tight me enough that her cheekbones ached.

"You're assuming too much." Her voice was low, a dangerous line where any louder would make the rolling fury in her erupt. "I'm not hiding." She turned to look at him, "I'm sorry my drinking concerns you. But I don't do it as a crutch." She defended herself, neither of them believing her words entirely.

Johnny looked like he was going to say something but he let go, leaning closer to kiss her brow instead.

"Let's not be like this. I don't want us to fight over every little thing like we used to." He mumbled against her, pulling away to give her a smile and pulling her hand away from the railing into his.

She didn't protest, giving him a nod that they both knew was half hearted.

That night (Y/N) went home. Johnny didn't say anything when she asked to be dropped to the apartment, he knew why. She always took time to be by herself when she was angry. He always told himself that it wasn't to be away from him, but to see the arguments with a much needed distance. He always told himself that she did exactly what he did. And he accepted it because out of all the times she left, it was only once when she didn't come back. He knew this time wouldn’t be the second.

A few days later he asked to meet her at a cafe on Copacabana. Without considering it a choice, she went.

"I'm getting an award." Johnny spoke first, taking the time to drink his coffee before doing so.

Her lips parted to silence, unsure about how to react. "For what?" She asked, swallowing after.

Johnny failed to bite down the smile at the corner of his lips, "Some business award. The company made good profits last year."

"That's great, Johnny. I’m so proud of you." She gave him a smile, weak despite her conscious effort.

"I want you to come with me." He added, stumbling over the words.

"Where would we go?" She questioned with a lighter tone. Johnny didn't respond immediately, instead avoiding her gaze and fidgeting with the handle of his small espresso cup. Realisation dawned on her, squeezing her lungs painfully. "No. I can't." She wanted to sound firm but her words came out a plea.

"It'll just be for three days. It'll be over before you know it. Just an evening of meeting a few strangers." He added with a soft look in his eyes.

"Johnny, I–" she tried to reason, to explain to him how he was asking the impossible of her. "Everybody will talk. Home is–" her words failed her again.

"I know." He reached across the table, grabbing her hand. "But I'll be right there with you. It's an important day for me, (Y/N). It's an important day for the business. So many of my father's family fought tooth and nail to break the company apart. They said I could never take on my father's mantle." His fingers squeezed her palm. Unintentionally, she noted.

"This award." His jaw flexed, "It's a product of every effort I put, everything I've sacrificed. It's proof that all of it was worth something in the end." His eyes clouded with some far away storm, mirroring the encroaching clouds above them. “For them, at least.”

He snapped out of it at the moment, looking at her with a soft smile, "Everybody else there will be an enemy or a stranger. I want you to be there. You're all I have."

His words made the pressure on her lungs shift to the cavity of her heart, pressing down with a punishing weight. There was nothing to say to such a heartfelt plea. It didn't matter that going back home was something that would bring her nothing good, not when the alternate was so heartbreaking.

She could picture Johnny standing there, receiving some mass produced trophy while apathetic and vindictive people all watched and clapped.

It also seemed to make her see how lonely he must have been all these years. All his achievements, small and big, as well as his failures passing by without a person to pat his back or lend their shoulder.

"Alright. I'll come." The way the simple gesture made his entire face light up did not make her feel good. These days she was found guilt becoming a chronic pain— one that bothered constantly but had bouts of intensity.

The Two Faces of Concern

“You can’t go.” He got off the sofa in a fury. “We don’t know what kind of people he associates with. We don’t know what could go wrong.” His brows fluffed up in fury, knitting together impossibly tight.

“I don’t have a choice.” She looked to the floor, confused and angered by his demeanor. “What am I supposed to say when he asks me to go with him for something so important?”

“You say you’ll think about it.” He added with an incredulous fury. “Then you come to me! And I we come up with an excuse for you.” His voice rose higher.

“That’s not going to work.” She needed to pause. After so many years, such constant bouts of anger felt unsettling to her. “You don’t know him. That’s why I’m here. Your boss gave me a task. To keep him close and to keep an ear out. I am doing exactly what I was told to do.”

“You can’t do anything if you’re dead!” He pointed his hand at her, his gesture and tone bordering on accusatory. He paused, taking a step back and swallowing. Jaehyun cursed under his breath, a hand coming to his waist while the other rubbed his face.

He walked a few steps around the room, trying to calm down it seemed, before coming back to her. This time he kneeled in front of her, taking her hands in his. “Listen to me.” He urged. “Look at me, (Y/N).” He practically pleaded. The desperation in his tone was the only reason she turned to face him. “I know that you think you’re safe. I know you believe you know this man because you knew him once. But you don’t know what he’s capable of. What he’s already done.” He sighed, no doubt understanding the stubborn refusal in her.

Jaehyun’s head dropped, looking defeated. “If something happened to you. I would never forgive myself.” He put a hand on her thigh. The way she turned to glare at it made him recoil. “You’re my responsibility.” He spoke after swallowing the hurt from her gesture. “I’m the sole reason you agreed to do this.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” She interjected. She thought the blow would make her feel good about herself. But seeing his face drop only tugged at her now sore chest.

“Why did you agree to go?” He asked, his eyes turning into frigid slits.

“I didn’t think I had a choice.” She repeated herself, each word uttered with a pause to emphasize.

“You always have a choice.” He threw his reciprocating blow with a featherlight tone. Her lips parted from offense, ready to defend herself. But he clarified, “I’ve been watching you. I’ve seen how you change around him.” His accusations cut through her like knives.

“And what change is that, pray tell?” She questioned.

“Your edges soften around him. You let him sway you with his words. You believe his lies despite yourself.” He assessed clinically, like a man whose job it is to read people.

“I feel sorry for him!” Hot tears pricked at the corner of her eyes, “Surely you can at least try to understand how it must feel. And I'm always tiptoeing around him because your boss wants me to keep him happy!" She deflected the accusation, distantly wondering why she was getting so defensive.

“He’s devoted to you.” Jaehyun simply stated, looking away from her with a grimace.

"I know." She spoke around the lump forming in her throat at her own confession. "Which is why your caution is out of line."

"The more the devotion, the more betrayal he will feel eventually, (Y/N). Remember that when you're in a different country with him, out of my reach. When I can't save you if something happens." He cautioned still.

Maybe his words made her feel like a child, something she hated feeling, because her next words were self-admittedly out of line.

"I'm out of your reach every time I'm in his bed too, Jaehyun." The words were no louder than a pin dropping. “He could choked me to death while inside me and you wouldn’t know.”

Jaehyun got up in a huff that left a gust of air in it's wake. He turned away from her swiftly as she tried to push down the part of her that wanted to take the words back.

"When are you leaving?" He questioned, adjusting his clothes and distracting himself.

"Day after." She answered dispassionately.

"The least you can do is keep me updated on your whereabouts. The captain will need a report on it." He was already ready to walk away.

"Sure." Her response was the final task he had, taking long strides and shutting his bedroom door with a loud thud.

She sighed, the solitude allowing her to finally drop each pretense she had to keep up just to survive each day.

Tears were almost commonplace on her lashes now. Angry tears, frustrated tears, heartbroken tears and tears of defeat. But each fresh bout always left her feeling betrayed by her own body.

Home

Coming home was odd. Even from the moment she landed, the airport was very familiar to her. Johnny didn't point out how silent she was ever since they landed. In fact, he seemed deep in his own thoughts while both of them watched the familiar streets pass by.

(Y/N) was so engrossed in her thoughts that it took her a while to realise that that the streets they passed were a little too familiar. When they stopped in front of a building she would recognise anywhere, her heart dropped into her stomach. When she turned to look at Johnny, his smile was a small one. The gleam in his eyes though was unmistakable.

“How?” She questioned, voice barely above a whisper.

“Let’s go home first, I’ll tell you upstairs.” He told her, reaching over to take her hand in his. To go Home.

Walking into her old apartment was like being transported back in time. Everything was as she remembered, including the little trinkets of decoration scattered around the space. The teal vase on the table in front of the foyer, the dark green couch, even the white curtains were all things she had bought herself once upon a time. (Y/N) was speechless.

“When I heard they were auctioning your father’s estate after the trial, I tried not to give it mind.” Johnny spoke after closing the door behind him. “But I ended up looking up the catalogue.” She could hear him come closer, her eyes still busy scanning her old apartment. “When I saw that this apartment was on the list. I couldn’t help myself.” He stopped a few steps behind her.

“How?” Her voice gave away her surprise, “How did you pay for it? Your father was still–” She stopped, unsure of whether that was a line she could tow.

“He didn’t even know about it.” He stated with a razor thin edge to his voice. “I broke my trust fund and managed to buy the place with everything intact.” He continued, sounding so utterly dismissive about it.

“Johnny.” She finally turned to face him, all the building emotions bubbling up her throat.

“This was my home too.” His hands remained in his pocket, eyes on the floor. “In my entire life, this was the place I was the happiest. I wasn’t ready to let that go. Especially when it was one of the rare things I had the power to keep.”

She could understand his feelings even if the gesture overwhelmed her. She remained silent for a moment longer, just looking him over till Johnny shifted under the prolonged scrutiny.

“You’re making me nervous.” His forehead creased. The chuckle that left him was dry.

Good. She thought, now he knew how she felt around him all those years ago.

“Say something.” He added with a smaller voice. "Please."

She took two steps till he was in arm’s reach, clutching at his t-shirt to pull him the rest of the way. Their lips met in a clumsy crash, teeth clashing into teeth. Johnny’s arms snaked around her waist to control the pace.

There was no haste in their movements anymore. Johnny had nothing to prove this time, and she had nowhere to hide. It was a slow kiss that only existed to exist. Like walking around your house in the dark because you know every turn like the back of your hand.

When his hips pressed against hers, she stumbled back with confidence. Letting instinct take over, they moved towards the destination known to them instinctually. She didn’t even realise where she was stumbling to till her back pressed against the piano.

His hands dragged down her back, and she leapt without being told, arms resting on his neck. Gingerly, he sat her down on the polished black surface.

“This is still my favourite place to fuck you.” He whispered against her mouth, peppering kisses over her face as he stroked her dress higher up her thighs.

“Me too.” She answered, tugging his belt off with a quick tug.

“I have waited.” He spoke between his increasingly heavy kisses, “I’ve laboured.” He nipped against her shoulders, “I even prayed.” His tongue swirled over the vein on her neck, bringing short gasps from her. “And I would have done more.” He dragged his teeth over her skin, making the hairs on the back of her neck rise. “I would drag down heaven to earth, if it meant I could have you back here. That’s why I couldn’t let this place go. Because I will never let you go.”

His words left her light-headed, unable to breathe. After tugging his pants below his waist, she sighed with relief when he pulled it off the rest of the way himself. Her hands reached the hem of his shirt just as his index tapped her thigh, a silent request to lift her hips off the piano. The remainder of their clothes hit the floor together, lips crashing together shortly after the interruption.

“Sometimes I think I’ve finally gone crazy. That I wished for you so bad that I created an illusion just to survive.” His laboured breath fanned her neck.

“I told you.” The strain of her breath matched his, “If this was a dream it would be easier.” His fingers brushed over her naked heat, slipping into her slowly.

“No.” He said as her eyes fluttered shut, “I wouldn’t be, (Y/N). I love all of you. Even my illusions would be of who you are, not who you can be.”

“Including the difficult parts?” Her jaw dropped when he began scissoring his fingers.

“Especially those. But you already know that.” He kept up his ministrations till Johnny was satisfied that he’s stretched her out well. "I know you feel the same." There was a fragile hope in his voice.

“I can’t love what I don’t know.” Her heart began hammering, and it had nothing to do with how he brushed over her G-spot. She willed her eyes to look into his, “Tell me your worst.” She requested, eyes meek but voice resolute. Her form faltered when he began to enter her without warning, easing himself in a few inches at a time. “You already know all of mine.” She lied.

“I will. One of these days.” He promised, both of them groaning when he filled her up completely.

She knew his words were a lie. Johnny would never tell her the truth. It wasn't because he didn’t want to, she knew that he craved understanding more than anything else. His claims of seeing her so absolutely came with the desire to want to be seen with the same transparency. But he’d hold the secret to himself because he knew her.

He knew that she would struggle to accept the reality of who he was. Two months ago, he would have been right. These days she felt like this charade was marking itself on her skin.

“Johnny.” She moaned when she felt her gut tie into a knot. “Don’t stop.” She pawed at his chest, unsure whether she wanted to pull him closer or push him away.

“Never.” He promised again, leaving a trail of gentle kisses all over her face as he increased his pace. He watched her intently as her face scrunched up, her jaw going slack as she came crashing down.

She wasn’t sure when he came, but when he pulled out, she felt the warmth ooze out of her. Exhausted from the long trip and everything that followed, her thoughts lost the ability to linger, and she simply leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder, surrendering her weight soon after. He picked her up with ease, lifted her legs to wrap around his waist and guided them to the bedroom that was once hers— that they once shared during a time when the future felt a lot more certain.

She fell asleep in his arms and, for the first time in years, it felt right. She blamed her old apartment and her sleep-addled brain for it. With your eyes closed, it was hard to remember when in time she was.

The next two days were spent locked away. The days were passed between the sheets, caught between the memories of a once-perfect life.

Johnny was lighter here. His eyes were brighter and he was less burdened by his own notions. It felt closest to the Johnny she was once crazy about from afar. It was the Johnny she went to watch at basketball matches in school and then at his University when he graduated before her. She didn't even like basketball.

He even resorted to his old sense of humour. One she had almost not noticed the lack of. Despite all signs pointing to otherwise, (Y/N) always knew Johnny for his intensity. To see him like that all the time now had begun to feel natural to her.

So it surprised her when she seemed to easily match his quips with her own. He was surprised too, she could tell with a dizzying sense of glee. For the first time, their relationship seemed to be on equal footing. Even if the relationship itself was a sham.

"Have you decided what you want to wear to the ceremony?" Johnny questioned over breakfast on the third day.

She shook her head at her omlette, "I figured you'll pick." She shrugged.

Johnny looked pleased when she met his eyes, trying to hide it like he was caught. "I wasn't sure if you wanted me to." He stated as he reached for his juice.

"Why not?" She frowned, "You always pick outfits for these things."

"That's exactly why I wasn't sure."

She felt ambushed by the remark, not sure why he sounded so aggrieved. Not wanting to ruin a good week they had been having, she acted like she didn't notice.

"One less thing to worry about." She tried to keep her her tone light, brushing it off with a shrug.

She ended up joining him on a quick errand run in the afternoon. He promised to quickly drop something off at the office before taking her to buy something. Having nothing better to do, she agreed.

When she walked into Johnny's office, she was aware that people watched as they walked by. Despite only coming into the building a handful of times her entire life, it was understandable that they knew who she was. The lingering whispers told her that they probably knew what she had once done too, or what her father did. It was like the moment she left the safety of seclusion, she was reminded once again how stifling this world could be.

(Y/N) stood in the changing room, running her hands over the fitted bust of the dress on her. She tried to picture herself, standing beside Johnny on an occasion where he was the guest of honour. All eyes on him, and as a consequence on her. Her hand turned over, knuckles digging into the beading on the corset. Did she look like she deserved to stand beside a man like that?

The last thought soured in her mind the very next second, a burdensome idea that pulled out the rotting creature inside her— the creature of habit. She walked out to look for the attendant to unzip her, only to find that Johnny had returned from browsing the shop. He looked up when he heard the curtains draw open, his attention seizing immediately.

"You look beautiful." He told her, eyes dragging over her entire form before coming back to her eyes and making her cheeks heat up.

"I don't like it too much." She looked away from him, busying herself with scanning the rack of clothes she had picked for fun. All in an attempt to avoid second guessing herself in the face of his compliment.

"I picked something for you." She didn't know when he had moved so close, gasping when his breath hit the back of her neck.

Her fingers stilled on a dress she thought would flatter her, a dress she could actually like. "Show me." She asked softly.

She ended up picking the dress Johnny picked. Looking in the mirror, it felt like the dress that most suited the intention she was going for. Most importantly, Johnny looked happy when they left the boutique.

He was still grinning when they got into the car. He turned to her with the kind of sparkle in his eyes that still never failed to make her heart skip a small beat. She blamed this on the fact that those sparkles were now rare.

“I just have one last thing to do and then we can go home. Do you want to get dinner before that or do you want to eat at home?” He reached over to take her hand in his.

“Let’s just eat out. I don’t want you to go back and cook, that’s too exhausting.”

“I don’t mind.” He shrugged.

“Yeah but I do.” She laughed, “I want you to myself after we get home.” She looked away from him with a coy smile. Laughing when Johnny leaned closer as she predicted.

“You know how to convince a man, (Y/N).” He teased her.

“I know how to convince you.” Her eyes rolled back as his lips pressed against her neck, lips parting when he hummed.

“Of course you do. I am a lucky man, after all." He placed a kiss on her neck, lingering long enough to elicit a reaction from her.

The driver stopped, silently signalling their arrival. (Y/N) looked out the window, confused about what she saw.

“A jewellery store? Should I be worried?” She only partially joked, swallowing her folly when he gave her a half-hearted smile in response.

"Rin is getting married next month. I wanted to get her something nice."

“Oh,” was all she could manage in response. "But she's so young." She mumbled, picturing the small girl that followed Johnny around.

He laughed, his cheeks stretching into the whiskers she hadn’t seen in years till that moment. "She's younger than us for sure." He reached out, taking her hands into hers. "But old enough to start her own family, I guess." He squeezed her knuckles once before giving a tug. "Let's go?"

"Oh, I-" She looked out of the window beside her, "What will I do?" She said awkwardly.

"Give your fashionable opinion on what to get." He shrugged avoiding her gaze, opening the door on his side to the curb.

(Y/N) felt confused by the change in his demeanour but nodded with a smile, following him out of the vehicle. Johnny took her hand in his, squeezing it once again.

“You look so beautiful today.” He gave her a tight lipped smile, not really looking at her before saying it.

Her brows knit together, wondering why he was acting strange. The question was bubbling up to her lips as they walked into the store. And then a sound made her turn to look.

“Johnny!” Rin squealed with a wide grin. The next moment her eyes fell on (Y/N). Her smile flipped instantly, gaze steeling over. Johnny squeezed her hand again.

“Have you picked anything yet?” He asked back, trying to hide the strain in his voice with a breezy laugh.

Rin didn’t speak, she didn’t move. All she did was stare at (Y/N), eyes full of suspicion and disgust. (Y/N) pictured the Rin she remembered, with the wide and kind smile that both her and Johnny got from their mothers.

(Y/N) wished the ground would swallow her, or a strong wind would sweep her away.

“What is she doing here?” Another voice chimed in, Rin’s mother. (Y/N) squeezed Johnny’s hand, he didn’t reciprocate.

Rin’s eyes caught the moment, falling to their joined palms. “They’re back together.” She said in tandem with her realisation, turning back to face her mother. A silent conversation passed between them where (Y/N) only caught the look on the mother’s face. More distrust, even more disgust.

Johnny’s aunt never liked (Y/N). Her family was a newcomer in their circle, moving into town after her grandfather sold their ancestral property to his government. (Y/N)’s family was older than theirs, and they were richer than Rin’s father.

(Y/N) and her father were born in this city. But to Rin’s mother and those like her, (Y/N) was always going to be just one thing. A foreigner.

“Yes we are.” Johnny spoke up after several moments, his voice small. He tugged at her hand lightly, making her realise that (Y/N) had shifted to hide behind him. “You know how much Rin loved to dress up in (Y/N)’s clothes. That’s why she wanted to help pick my gift.”

(Y/N)’s ears rang so loud that she didn’t hear their response or what Johnny said in return. She slipped out of the present moment, wrapping herself in her mind and hiding in its comfort. Rin used to love dressing up in (Y/N)’s clothes because she was a teenager whose parents dressed her like a toddler. Rin used to look upto (Y/N) because she was her favourite cousin’s favourite person. And now she was the one who ruined her favourite cousin’s soul.

A hot shiver racked up her chest that felt like a sob and (Y/N) crushed it between her newly manicured nails. Johnny tugged her forward and she followed without resistance, not even thinking of the action. Unlike them, she would not be allowed to show her own betrayal so blatantly.

“What do you think about this?” Johnny’s voice snapped her back to reality, bringing her focus to his hands. He held a necklace littered with diamonds, sparkling so hard that she had to squint.

“Feels too much.” She spoke before she could think. When Rin’s mother shot her a look, (Y/N) bit her tongue.

“I think we should get something smaller.” Rin chimed in, tone clipped.

“No that isn’t what I meant.” (Y/N) tried to say, but Johnny frowned and she realised that her thoughtless words had done something to offend them all. So she just exhaled, “I think Rin’s opinion is what should matter, Johnny. She should pick.” She squeezed Johnny’s arm and gave the women the best smile she could manage.

(Y/N) took a step back, deciding that was the best course of action. This wasn’t her world anymore, she tried to remind herself. What these people thought about her didn’t matter anymore.

That is what she repeated to herself over and over as she found a chair to sit on, trying her best to stay out of anybody’s way. Away was where she had intended to stay till Johnny was done. After the rush of immediate injustice subsided, she wondered if she was being unfair. Rin was Johnny's cousin in name. In practice, she was the closest thing he had to a little sister. They grew up side by side and he had always adored her. When his mother died, Rin lost her aunt as well. They shared that loss.

Rin was family and she loved her brother. (Y/N) just wished that Johnny didn’t bring her here. No matter his intention, he must have known that this would be uncomfortable for everyone. (Y/N) took a deep breath, tearing her gaze away from the happy smiles the three shared. She reminded herself again that this wasn’t her world anymore.

In an effort to distract herself, (Y/N) scanned through the pieces of jewellery in the glass cases around her. She got up to look around, browsing to picture what the owner of each piece would be like.

She saw a blue sapphire tiara that would belong to an oil heiress, a 25 carat topaz cocktail ring that looked like it was bought by a widow who inherited a barony, and a macau brooch that looked like it belonged to the mistress of a dictator. Each piece stood out with an inherent personality and she was almost lost in their worlds during her brief lingering study.

She stopped in front of a bracelet of ruby. The individual stoned were laid in so seamlessly that it looked like one dazzling sheet of the vibrant stone. Only on close inspection could you see the hexagon cut stones with an occasional deep green emerald and clear diamond tucked in between the sea of red. The bracelet looked like it was seeped in blood because of the deep hue of the rubies. (Y/N) concluded that this would belong to someone who had blood on their hands, the sparkling diamonds distracting from the ocean of red.

“Do you like it?” Johnny spoke and she jumped. She had been so lost in her thoughts that she had been sneaked up upon. Jaehyun would be pissed if he saw how badly she had let her guard down today.

“Not at all.” She said, turning away from the display to turn to him.

“It’s exactly your taste.” Johnny countered, brows furrowing in that signature confusing way. Where one couldn’t tell if he was concerned or furious.

“I wasn’t aware that you knew my tastes better than me.” She dismissed his words, walking away to find more temporary lives to live between shiny stones.

“Of course I do. It is the buyers burden to pick the right gift.” He smirked.

“You don’t need to buy anything so don’t burden yourself.” She shrugged.

“It would look beautiful on you. It looks like it was made for you.” He insisted, “Let me get it. I want to see you wear it.” He raised his hand to call for an attendant. She grabbed his wrist immediately but the action did exactly what she feared. Along with the attendant, Rin and her mother turned to them.

“Could you please show me this set?” Johnny asked.

“Set? Johnny wh-” She tugged at his sleeve but he clicked his tongue. “Please, you’re here to buy your sister a wedding present. Don’t do this, it looks bad. What will they think, Johnny? They already hate me.” She whispered and hissed but he was undeterred.

“They don’t hate you. They just think they still have to pick sides.” He said with excruciating naivety. “Besides, it’s my money. I will do what I want with it.”

The attendant walked up to the case and she had no choice but to let it go.

“A beautiful choice, Sir. They say a high quality ruby is rarer than a diamond. Each stone is individually sourced from around the world to have the same pigeon’s blood hue.” He spoke to them while being loud enough to be heard by Rin, assuming she was the one he had to convince.

“Rubies don’t really suit Rin.” Her mother laughed from across the room. “Plus I don’t think red would be appropriate for the wedding.”

“It’s for (Y/N). Johnny said without turning to them. But (Y/N) was looking and she saw the women’s face. If she believed that Ruby wasn’t an appropriate choice before, she now wanted it nonetheless.

“Look.” Johnny whispered close to her ear, “It’s perfect.” He was loud enough for just them.

(Y/N) turned at his words, failing to catch her gasp in her throat. It truly was a beautiful set. The bracelet, as beautiful as it was, seemed to be a puzzle piece of a larger masterpiece. The necklace was a mofit of ruby flowers with only a few of them having equally splendid emerald leaves. The earrings too were beautifully set scarlet rubies with joints of diamonds. The whole set that diamonds on the joints but it did truly fill like an afterthought, a blank canvas to highlight the rubies the same way the emeralds conntrasted them. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen and she hated the fact. She hated that she wanted it despite herself.

“I love it.” Her voice wavered. It was the truth but she wanted him to think it was a lie. She wanted him to think she didn’t want it, but also hoped that he knew how much she appreciated it. Her head hurt.

“Wear it for me when we go home. Just this.” He had the gall to ask.

She decided it best to respond to him in fear of what she’d let slip. Hopefully, Johnny would get the hint.

She stayed by Johnny’s side till Rin had successfully picked her choice. They didn’t acknowledge each other but Johnny slipped his arm around her waist. If Johnny thought that a few stones would make her forget what he did today, he truly must have started believing that she was a figment of his imagination.

The necklace Rin had picked for herself was beautiful, a string of dazzling transparent diamonds with the occasional pink stone that made it look whimsical. But (Y/N) couldn’t help but notice how Rin’s mother kept eyeing the closed lid on the ruby set.

“If the box is that beautiful, the thing itself must be a treat.” She commented.

“It is.” Johnny grinned, opening the box to show it.

Both of their lips pursed on seeing the set. (Y/N) bit her lip harshly, only feeling the storm inside her growing. Rin looked away with a shake of her head, turning back to her own gift with a gentle smile.

“Johnny you should come for my party! It’s in an hour anyway.” Rin beamed, clearly happy.

“Sure.” Johnny shrugged, “We would love to come.”

All three women turned to Johnny but he looked like he did not notice. (Y/N) bit her tongue, hoping that his aunt would chime in again. But she did not.

“Sure.” Rin spoke after the excruciating silence, “See you there.”

“She doesn’t even want me there!” (Y/N) tried to explain, struggling to keep her voice levelled lest he accuse her of overreacting.

“If she didn’t, why would she ask you to come, (Y/N)?” Johnny spoke to his laptop, having it on his lap since they got back into the car with the excuse of pending work. In truth he was doing his best to avoid her justified fury.

“She didn’t! You made us a package deal.” She huffed, fist clenching in her lap, creasing her dress.

“We are a package deal.” Johnny looked up at her, frowning. “That’s what it means to be in a relationship, does it not?”

Her first clenched tighter, “That isn’t the point, but you don’t care so why bother?” She was so livid that a defeated laugh slipped past her lips. “Just go without me. No one will want me there, this is unnecessary.”

“They will suck it up then. You are my girlfriend, if someone has a problem with that then they will have to tell us both to leave.”

“I don’t want to go either, Johnny.” She took both his hands into hers, trying to make him look at her. She pleaded with him now, desperate to be released from this. “You will make this uncomfortable for everyone, including Rin.” She tried to use his precious cousin to make her point.

To her relief, it looked like he was considering it for a moment, grinding his teeth together as his eyes remained still on her.

“I’ve already said we’re going. We can’t cancel.” He stated plainly, taking his hands out of hers.

She laughed again, the same furious laugh of utter disbelief and even more betrayal. She was the fool to believe his claims of having changed.

Sins of the Past

The party was worse than she imagined. (Y/N) told herself she had tried. She had tried to smile and she had tried to ignore the looks and whispers. She even tried to ignore that her cousin, Isabella was there; ignore when she brought up specific moments that were an attempt to embarrass her.

She ignored it all because these people were Johnny’s family and friends and she owed him this much. So she tried to keep herself scarce and waited for the moment it would be appropriate to ask him to leave. She had also decided to just not bring today up after it was over. There was no point anyway.

This is how she had lulled herself in her own mind, monitoring the windows for the sunset.

“(Y/N) you haven’t said a word all evening.” A voice chimed up, one of Johnny’s friends from university.

(Y/N) turned, ready with her excuse of being tired.

“That’s her seventh glass, after all.” Her cousin chimed in, biting her lip like she somehow hadn’t been waiting all evening to bring it up.

(Y/N) felt her resolve snap, “I’ve just never been the type to invite myself to conversations I’m not a part of.” Only as she reached halfway through her sentence did sense catch on.

“And yet you’re here.” Her cousin scoffed, ignoring the shove the person beside her gave her.

She let the words crash over her, trying her best to brush it off. Yet, despite those words, it was a silence that rang louder. Johnny’s silence.

“At least I was invited out of love and not obligation.” She shot back, letting her day’s indignation ferment into the venom that dripped from her tongue.

“Ironic because that love is also an obligation. You would know if you had the capacity for either.”

“How would you know what love is?” She asked, genuinely curious.

Her cousin laughed, “Truly, I would never understand your idea of love. At least you got a pretty necklace out of it though.” She raised her glass to (Y/N), “My mother did always say that you were as oppurtunistic as your mother.”

“Don’t talk about my mother. You don’t want me to speak.” (Y/N)’s voice came out so low that she surprised herself. Her whole body shook from the impossible weight of her anger.

More silence. This time she turned to Johnny. A part of her hoped that if he wouldn’t defend her, then he would at least walk out. But Johnny only sat in the sofa across the room, eyes on the floor and furrowed in it’s signature unreadable way.

(Y/N) turned back to the bar she was sitting against, reaching over to pull the closest bottle towards her. “Eight is my lucky number.” She said loud enough for both Johnny and her cousin to hear. Once full to her heart’s content, she picked up her glass along with the leftover pieces of her dignity and held both tightly in her fist. Before she could tilt her glass to her lips, a hand landed on hers.

“No more, (Y/N).” Johnny warned, voice wavering with anger. She couldn’t help but laugh.

“What are you angry about?” She asked, laughing again as she said the words out loud, finding the situation ridiculous. Still she realised that she said it louder than intended, probably sounding like the drunk she was painted to be.

“Just put the glass down, (Y/N).” He told her, despite having a death grip on her wrist that controlled all her movement.

“You’re causing a scene, Johnny.” She said the words that Johnny has used on her cyclically before.

“Get up.” He wasn’t asking. She listened because she didn’t want to drag on the public spectacle. As Johnny dragged her across the room, she couldn’t help glance at her cousin. Her eyes were on Johnny’s hand on her arm and (Y/N) bottled the small victory up.

“Let me go.” She said when she realised that he wasn’t walking towards the door, “I just want to go home.”

“First we need to apologise to Rin.” He spoke with his jaw set tight, like she was to be blamed. She couldn’t even tell if she was, not with everyone staring at her the way they did. She hated this place with every fibre of her being.

Johnny stopped in front of Rin, letting out a trembling sigh that held back all of his anger. “I’m sorry for all of this.” Johnny said so sincerely that (Y/N) wanted to scream. He was apologising on her behalf and she had nothing to be apologetic for.

“I don’t understand why you try so hard with her?” Rin spoke like (Y/N) wasn’t standing right in front of her. “She ruined you from the inside out and you just fell for the same lies again. The only thing that’s changed since the last time is that she can’t fall back on her father. Or his money.” Rin hissed, the words dragging down (Y/N)’s back like nails on a chalkboard.

As calmly as she could, (Y/N) pulled her arm out of Johnny’s. She knew that leaving wasn’t going to help because Johnny would follow her and blame her for it. So instead she turned to the open balcony behind Rin, walking in and closing the door behind her.

She stood there, the wind whistling in her ear like it was wincing at her circumstance. She had given up trying to wipe her tears away because it only made her skin sting. She stood there and told herself that, if nothing else, she was at least sure she had made the right decision all those years ago.

"Come back inside." His order announced his arrival after a very long time. (Y/N) wiped her eyes, lowering her chin so her hair would hide her face. She didn't dignify the words with an answer, continuing to look out at the city below her.

"(Y/N)." He warned, "Everybody will wonder where you are."

"No they won't." Her jaw slid over the other, teeth grinding down. "They know why I am not inside. So just go back to your party, Johnny. Otherwise they'll wonder where you are."

He sighed, a sound of rustling following that was clearly him running his hands through his hair. "Look I'm sure she didn't mean to sound so–"

"Hostile?" She turned, tongue and gaze both sharp as a knife. "What else did she intend to sound like when she called me an opportunistic slut? A fucking gold digger?"

"She didn't say that." He put his hands into his pockets.

(Y/N) gave him an incredulous face, his dismissal stinging more than anything anybody inside was capable of.

"Go inside, John. I don't want to fight with you right now. They'll blame me for your bad mood."

"God damn it!" Johnny kicked something, the sound of shattering following after. She turned with wide eyes to see a flower pot lying in pieces on the floor on a pile of soil. "I just wanted one good day. Just a relaxed day where I can spend time with what remains of my family and the woman I love. Why are you doing this?"

"I am not." She looked up at him, words interrupted by a belligerent breath. "What have I done?" She asked, confused and hurt. "My cousin said so many things. I just listened. You said nothing in my defense and I still just stood there, I took it all. Even when Rin said those things. I just stood there. What else do you want me to do?"

"Just come inside."

"I don't want to! Why do I have to go back? So they can whisper as I walk by again? So they can pat themselves on the back after they confirm that I have no shame? No sense of self respect?” She took a step closer as Johnny stumbled back, “You told me to come back to this city with you. You promised me that it would just be the award. You broke that promise. Then you told me to help you buy something for your cousin I agreed. You didn't tell me they would be there too. You sabotaged me and I stayed silent. You said yes to this and I did not protest. Your cousin said whatever she wished. You did not defend me and I still did not so much as make a sound. You failed me and you didn’t bother protecting me, the women you love. What more do you want from me?” She questioned, tears blurring her vision.

She furiously wiped at her face, the back of her hand dragging the skin till her face felt raw again.

“You’re hurting yourself.” He said gently. It grated her more than anything so far. What good was his concern now?

"Why didn't you defend me?" She cut him off. "You keep talking about what this means to you." She pointed between them. "So what? You will drag down heaven to earth for me but you can't stand up for me?" She pointed out what he said to her.

Johnny furrowed his brows, "What was I supposed to say?"

"You were supposed to tell her to shut up! You were supposed to remind her that I am the person who you claim to love. You were supposed to say that you wanted me back. The least you could have done was said you wanted me here, Johnny. You should have said something.” She groaned, turning away from him. The reiteration of the betrayal brought a fresh assault of tears. She felt so weak and vulnerable begging in front of him. And Johnny looked bemused.

"So what?” Johnny said calmly,” You don't want to be together?"

“Don't twist my words.” She warned him.

"Twist?" Johnny's brows creased, "It's what you just said!" He shoved his hand in the space between them, raising his voice.

"You’re shouting. Don't start a fight." She stepped back from him, feeling like she was being cornered into this confrontation.

"I'm not the one trying to start a fight." He countered.

"All I did was step out of a room where I am not wanted. To let out the tears I could not inside. I didn’t leave because I know you want to meet your friends and family, so I am here and I just want to be left along."

"You left because it shows everyone inside how wrapped around your finger I am. Because you know I would follow you in here immediately." Johnny crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at her over his nose.

"Excuse me?” She said so loudly that a pigeon on the balcony across rushed to take flight. "First your cousin assumes she knows what I'm thinking, now you do the same. Does manipulation run in the family?"

"I don't understand how you can be so mad when she's right.” Johnny’s voice turned cold, his eyes cruel, “They're all justified, you know? You did do the things she said. You did ruin me from inside out."

"Then why are we here?" She screamed, her resolve slipping. She grabbed it before it disappeared completely, bringing her voice back down. "If your family are still angry about what happened, if you’re angry, then what are we doing? And before you say anything." She raised her hand to stop him from interrupting. "You are allowed to be as angry as you want. I hurt you so much and I understand that you can’t just forget that. I deserve your anger. What I don’t deserve is you treating me like this. And you don’t deserve to be with someone who makes you so miserable. If you're this angry then you simply cannot love me.”

"Now you're the one reading my mind." He spoke, immediately recoiling into his indignation.

“Don’t deflect!” She snapped. “You're lying to yourself if you think you do. Because that amount of hostility borders on disgust. You hate me so much that you will stand aside while someone insults me like that. For something you did, Johnny!" Her eyes welled up again and she had to turn away.

(Y/N) hated that after a certain threshold, her anger always gave way to tears. She hated it because, on more than one occasion, Johnny had accused her of using her tears to win arguments. She hated the accusation because she had never intended to win any arguments with him, she knew it was impossible. All she wanted was to explain her side of it.

“What did I do?” Johnny frowned, taking a step closer to invade her personal space.

“Why didn’t you tell them that you got the jewllery yourself? Did I ask you for it? Why didn’t you tell them that I told you I didn’t want it? Why didn’t you tell them what you told me?” She shoved him away, discomfitted by being this close to his overbearing presence. Johnny had the dreadful habit of towering close to her during arguments.

After a long moment of saying nothing, of just staring her down, Johnny sighed. “I just don’t want us to fight.” He came closer to her in an attempt to touch her.

His words made her see red in a way that felt dangerous. She shoved him again, harder than she expected. He must not have expected it either, because surprise filled his eyes as he lost his balance. There was an unmistakable sound of flower pots shattering, but (Y/N) was already shoving the balcony door open. She froze, turning to look back at him.

"Are you hurt?" She stepped towards him. But Johnny stood up immediately and walked around her, talking quick strides towards the door without once looking back.

She burned from head to toe, a mix of anger and mortification. He left before her, leaving her to walk out by herself. With a hesitant gait, she walked across the now crowded foyer. They all looked away, pretending they hadn’t witnessed the quarrel from the other side of the glass doors. But the side glances confirmed her suspicions. They blamed her. They saw her outburst, and saw her push him to the ground. What they didn’t hear was the actual words. But she doubted that would make a difference.

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mime-the · 2 months

Text

Hi fellas. I wrote something, teehee.

It’s shadow milk time, boo yah!

I’ve gotten reports of strange behavior from Burning Spice Cookie. Reports of them being more destructive in their ever-changing nature. I have planned to see him in a few days, just to check in and have a friendly chat. After all, we’ve not seen each other in quite a while!

***

Burning Spice Cookie’s behavior has only grown more destructive, I have also noticed him speaking to Silent Salt Cookie more often. They’ve both grown stranger and stranger with the passage of time… I can feel something within me stirring.

***

I was sifting through one of my books when I heard of the joint attack by Silent Salt Cookie and Burning Spice Cookie. I tried to confront them, to bring them back to reason, but there was little to reason with. “They’ll never understand our power, Shadow Milk Cookie, you out of any of us would know that best,” Burning Spice Cookie told me. I didn’t like the fact I agreed.

***

I talked to Mystic Flour Cookie about all of this. She expressed very little concern… For the one carrying the virtue of volition, there was very little will to act. I’ve turned to looking through my library for a possible solution to this. Burning Spice Cookie is completely gone, dragging Silent Salt Cookie with him.

I fear that Mystic Flour Cookie is next, I have heard nothing from Eternal Sugar. I have missed a few of my plays because of this ordeal.

***

Cookies keep coming to me and asking me what is going on, I can only ever tell them that I don’t know. It’s growing increasingly irritating and tiring, a few have resorted to turning their anger towards me. “You should know what to do! Isn’t that your job?”

I’m not a magic problem solving machine, you brats.

***

Mystic Flour Cookie has remained relatively apathetic to this, Eternal Sugar Cookie has also shown no signs of wishing to help, deciding to sleep in the clouds instead. I don’t fault them, not at all. Us five meant to be friends after all.

I’ve resorted to lying to the Cookies that keep coming to ask me about the destruction on the East of that cursed continent, it keeps them busier for longer. Part of me feels nauseated because of it, but it’s… exhilarating at times. I’m certain this isn’t the wrong choice though, it lifts their spirits.

***

A few of the Cookies I’ve talked to have begun fighting amongst themselves. It’s surprisingly entertaining to watch! This work is starting to exhaust me, and the light within me starts to feel as if it is in vain. Heh. Maybe it’s right…

I’ve started to use my power to convince all these little cookies that the destruction and chaos just beyond their homes is mostly just rumor, that is is not nearly half as bad. They believe me.

***

I’ve begun to instigate a few of the more violent conflicts purposely, putting my studies aside just to watch. There’s something fun in all of this, I can see why Burning Spice Cookie is doing what he is doing, and why the others just observe and help it happen.

***

I have decided to pick back up my playwriting, and use my gifted power to make the audience watch. Ha! How kind of all these little cookies to just obey! It makes my life so, so much easier. Why hadn’t I used this strength before, to stop them from being so… annoying? No time to regret the past though, only time to bask in the present.

***

The other four have had their own fun for such a long time, and all without me! No fault of their own of course, I was too blinded by “being nice” to see it. It’s almost sad how much I rejected my own comrades. After all, we’re the ones with this strength, we should get to use it how we please, not just for good. We are the only ones that can understand each other, why have I been so ignorant to that fact? Hah!

The witches placed us here, and it was about time we took advantage of it. Maybe it wasn’t their intention, but they’ve rolled the dice, and these are the results.

Fun fact: there’s technically a continuation to this! Have a good day.

#shadow milk cookie #fanfic #cookie run kingdom #first writing I post on this cursed site #okay maybe not that cursed #I could post it to ao3 #I love shadow milk cookie #very silly guy #this is mostly just a brief headcanon of his descent

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myeuphoricmindset · 1 year

Text

Caring for you - Joel Miller

• Pairing: Joel Miller × Fem!Reader

• Summary: Joel visits the bar that you work at often and admires you from afar. He promises himself that he won’t cross that line with you, but then someone touches you.

• Tags/Warnings: Touch her and die. Protective & caring Joel. Caretaker Joel. Tending to a wound. Post outbreak. Living in the QZ. Sexual assault by stranger, touching readers ass and grabbing her arm.

• Word count: 1.2k

➴

The bar is filled with loud conversations and bottles clinking. You’ve grown used to the chaos over the years. Being a bartender wasn’t your dream job, but in the world you live in now, no one is living their dreams. You stay focused on your job in the hope to make enough to afford your next meal. Not many things distract you while working, you keep your head down and get the job done, but Joel Miller was definitely a distraction.

Joel came in often after his shift, worn down by the day and needing something to take the edge off. But eventually, it wasn’t just the drinks that kept him coming back. He longed for the short conversations he’d have with you during your shift. He felt something from your subtle glances and soft voice. Sometimes he’d watch you from the end of the bar as he slowly sipped on his beer. He found you to be the first beautiful and interesting woman he’s met in years. But he never attempted to see you outside these four walls. His heart was still guarded, at least the pieces that remain.

Last call, you’d shout as the night started coming to an end. Joel finishes his beer, leaves a large tip as he always does, and gives you a small nod on his way out. He didn’t make his presence known to others, but you always noticed.

“Goodnight, Joel,” you’d say as he walks out. And he would push through the doors and into the night with warmth in his chest from the sound of his name on your lips.

The thing you didn’t know is that Joel wouldn’t go home. He’d wait around as you locked up the bar, just to make sure you were safe. He didn’t trust the world to be kind to you. Especially the world you all live in. Once he knew you were okay to get home he would breathe a little easier and rest a little better.

It’s become a routine if he wants to admit it or not. He’d work a long day, stop by the bar, make sure you leave safely, and then go home alone. He found solace in this, a way to feel close to you without getting too close.

But it didn’t last long. He crosses the line that he drew from the beginning with you, and it wasn’t his intention but when someone hurts you he can’t help but intervene.

The stranger's hand grabs your ass in passing as you try to serve drinks to customers at the back tables. You shout something as you stumble back and drop the tray of drinks in your hand. The bottles break on the ground as you curse.

Joel clenches his hand around his beer bottle and holds himself back. He sees you standing up for yourself. It’s taking everything in him to not step in, but he doesn’t take his eyes off you. The anger builds within him and he plants his foot on the ground, ready to protect.

You lean down and try to pick up the glass, but the guy grabs your arm to bring you back up to him. “Come on, sweetheart,” The guy says,

Joel jumps up and rips his hand off your arm. “Don’t fucking touch her,”

The guy steps back and throws his hands in the air. He laughs, “Whoa, man.” He looks down at you and then back at Joel. “I didn’t know she was your bitch.”

There it was. The line. And he crosses it with one punch to the offender's face. The guy drops and Joel pulls him up by his shirt and swings again. People around are gasping and others are shouting at Joel and the stranger, pushing in on them and getting involved. The commotion of it all has you pushing yourself away and your hand slides over the broken glass, cutting your palm.

Joel immediately hears your cry of pain and stops. He looks around taking in the scene. He should be embarrassed or ashamed of how he’s acted, but he doesn’t. This is the QZ, things like this happen all the time and it’s not unusual.

“Get him out of here,” Joel says, rubbing his sore hands.

The stranger is hauled out of the bar and the other bartender on staff takes over your shift as Joel helps you to the back room.

“Sit here,” He pulls up a chair for you while he grabs the first aid kit.

“Joel, I’m —“

He holds a hand up and shakes his head, refusing your need to tell him that you’re fine. You’re not fine and it’s making him feel sick. Sick with the need to help you. Sick with the feeling of someone making you uncomfortable. Sick with the image of the guy looking at you in that way.

He stands close and holds out his hand for yours. You hesitate, but he nods. He's not going anywhere. He’s determined to fix you up. Your hand lifts and he takes it in his. He’s gentle as he inspects it.

“This might…hurt.” He looks at you with concern as he holds tweezers in his hand. Your eyes go wide and you tense up. “Don’t worry, I got you.”

And he does. You trust that. He goes slow as he plucks out two small pieces of glass. Looking up at you often to make sure you’re doing okay. You wince in pain and he brushes his thumb over your hand in comfort. Once he’s done he walks you over to the sink and cleans your hand. Making sure the water is at the right temperature and watching your reaction as you place your hand under the water. He’s careful not to touch with too much pressure.

It’s a wonderful feeling to be taken care of and looked after like this. This rugged man touches you so tenderly as if you might break.

The warm water turns off. Joel and you stay standing over the sink, unmoving. He holds your hand and traces his thumb over the lines on your palm, careful to not touch your cuts. “I’m sorry that happened.” He says softly.

You look up at his face and he doesn’t meet your eyes. He stares at your hand. “It’s not your fault, Joel. It happens. It comes with the job, unfortunately.”

“Well, it shouldn’t.” He mutters. He brings your hand up to his mouth. “You don’t belong here,” then he gently kisses your hand, looking up at you. It causes your stomach to flutter.

“And where do I belong?”

“With me,” Joel says without hesitation. “If you were with me, I’d take care of you.”

He looks at you with complete truth in his eyes. The fact is, he would take care of you. He wants to. There isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for the girl that he loves from afar. His heart that’s been broken into a million little pieces is slowly being repaired. It won’t be the same as before, but it will beat for a new purpose. So, as he wraps your wounded hand he places his wounded heart on the table in hopes you’ll care for it as he cares for you.

⎯

Tag list: @avengersfan25

[Let me know if you’d like to be added on to my tag list.]

#joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x y/n #joel miller the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #the last of us hbo #joel miller

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covenofwives · 10 months

Text

Going Home Part 3

DreamXD is in a whirlpool of emotions after the day they've had. They've got a lot on their mind and A LOT of injuries to heal. GeorgeHD and Sapnap4K are here to happily help him, and give him his much needed cheer up tickles.

Thank you for your patience and as always thank you for your support in this series. Part 3 is finally out.

After this fic i'm gonna take a break from God sibling fics for a while to do with the story line. I've got one more in the works but I want to write smaller fun stuff while it's the summer and work is busy. It'll be easier to get out and it gives me a chance to possibly make a new blog~

Warning for some mention of wounds and healing them. A lot of blood and some mention of gore.

---

The blankets of HD’s realm were always nice and soft. No two blankets were ever the same. Some were soft as cotton clouds and others smooth silk. Despite how they were always thrown about in any sense HD wanted, DreamXD always admired the blankets and thought they were nice, which is why he was so intent on not touching any of them with his bloody body.

The wounds from Dragon were still fresh, but most of them closed up. Most of the blood had dried, but whenever he moved a certain way he could feel wounds reopening and the blood oozed out. He could feel some of Dragon’s blood mixing into his wounds and didn’t even want to think of the problem that would arise from that. Instead he sat perfectly still, pushing out a space between the blankets and pillows to not touch or ruin anything of HD’s. He had already caused enough trouble to the sleepy God.

His lower right arm was still worryingly numb. XD avoided looking at it while he was working but now he was left alone, and thoughts running wild, he looked at his arm instead of thinking about Dream.

It was terribly cut up and bloody. He couldn’t move it, which was more worrying the longer it went on. He was still lucky he had it. Dragon’s teeth were inches away from tearing it off.

XD carefully touched at the arm and tired to move it, but winced as it felt like it burned and quickly lowered it back down.

Thinking about the arm now was distressing, so XD pulled those thoughts back. But then they went right back to Dream again.

Swirling emotions of anger and shame welled in XD’s chest whenever he thought of his brother. Seeing how scared Dream was of him made XD feel worse than dirt. He had only ever felt this angry once before, when Dream had gone missing as a child and XD found him wandering close to the Dragon’s island. Back then though, XD was overwhelmed with relief that he never spent his anger Dream’s way. Now while he was relieved Dream and George were alive, the dissipating of his anger never came. He was furious.

Furious Dream should have known better. Furious he had dragged George into it. Furious that he, himself, didn’t do his job. Furious at himself for not being the first person Dream came to when he got out of prison.

The words he spat at Dream still swirled around in his head:

“I’d lock you in the prison myself if I wasn’t so angry!”

XD’s shoulders winced, like a knife had been stabbed through them. They hadn’t meant it and they regretted the words as soon as they said them, but they were too angry to take them back. Even despite what they’d said about following the DSMP’s laws, they could have never allowed their baby brother to be put back into that place. Even if they were so angry enough to drag Dream there, Dream’s cries and pleadings would have melted their heart instantly and they wouldn’t do it.

Another pulse of pain shot through XD’s body, pushing him forward and then a whole new wave of pain hit him. He doubled over in pain, letting out a long whine and slowly sat up straight again.

It made sense in XD’s head if he lay down then the pain wouldn’t be as bad. He gave a look down to his tattered and bloody cloak and bit his lip in thought. If he could clean it up a bit he could lie down without the worry of making a mess. Or at least so much of a mess.

Before he could talk himself out of his reasoning, XD focused his power and tried to clear the blood from his cloak, as well as mend the many rips.

XD had only mended the first rip, just under his shoulder, and he already knew he had no energy to finish. He was spent from overusing his powers, and now calling on them started to hurt. He could not heal the wounds from Dragon and stop the bleeding, but at the very least he could dissolve some of the blood on him.

He watched, through wincing eyes, as the golden and purple blood melted off his cloak. Slowly the rips followed afterwards, sewing themselves together, but he could only slowly mend for two minutes before being forced to stop. His breathing was haggard and his bones sore, but his cloak was already looking better. He’d fixed the huge rip on the right side, where Dragon’s teeth had torn him apart, though the wound and limp arm still lay under his repaired cloak.

The blood had been cleared away and most of the rips dealt with when XD felt a surge of energy gather near him. He held his breath, preparing for HD’s return and news of Dream’s safety, but he let it out in surprise when it was not HD who arrived. Instead there was Sapnap4K.

The Nether God appeared from a purple swirling portal, his orange eyes settling on XD with some confusion.

“Well…” Sapnap4K spoke with a growing warm smile. “I didn’t expect to see you here alone, but it’s not a bad thing!”

His voice ended in a purr, and XD fought back the urge to look down at himself to see the condition of his cloak. He was sure it was okay, and it must have been as 4K didn’t seem to mention anything. He just walked forward.

“Where is little starlight anyway? I don’t think I’ve ever seen him leave his spot.” 4K asked.

When XD was sure he must have looked normal, he let his voice steady and he replied. “He’s…just doing me a favour. Uh… I-I had HD watch Dream for a bit while I did stuff and he kindly took him back home.”

4K’s steps suddenly stopped, and his eyes went wide. “Your brother was here?!” His voice sounded like a mix of angry and hurt and XD was too on edge he almost took it seriously until he added. “And I missed him by seconds?! Oh this is just unfair!”

He ended his “tantrum” by dramatically flopping onto the pillows and blankets beside XD. His antics would usually be amusing, but he shook the ground as he landed and made XD jump slightly. One of his wounds flared up in pain again and the End God grit his teeth together to stop himself whimpering.

“Can’t believe HD got to see your brother before me.” 4K continued huffing. “Poor boy must have been terrified.”

“He…seemed alright.” XD forced himself to speak to not raise suspicion. “I came back and they were sleeping.”

“Aww that must have been so cute.” 4K pushed himself up on his elbows. “Didn’t take any photos did you?”

“Sadly not…” XD replied coolly.

4K shrugged gently, disappointed but not upset. He opened his mouth to speak again, but there was another surge of energy. The two Gods looked over and GeorgeHD appeared, materialising from nothing.

The starry haired God stood alone and XD’s heart raced. His mind went to automatically assuming something went wrong, but HD was calm and XD forced himself to clam down as well.

HD opened his mouth, then he saw 4K and seemed almost surprised. “When did you arrive?”

“While you were taking a stroll through the Overworld.” 4K replied almost smugly, showing a taunting smile.

HD gave an annoyed tut, no doubt rolling his eyes under his goggles. “I wasn’t taking a stroll! I was dropping off a child.”

XD mouth felt like sandpaper as he asked. “Is Dream…is he…?”

“He’s fine.” HD quickly responded, but his tone wasn’t sharp. “His friend was coming out to see him when I left so he wasn’t alone.” He added as he shrugged off the robes on his shoulders.

That will have been George. XD thought, and relaxed in relief. His shoulders slumped, but then he winced as pain shot through his back.

“You alright?” 4K quickly asked, noticing the movement from the corner of his eye.

XD had to bite their tongue, stopping the hiss of pain before he replied. “I’m fiiiine…” His voice wasn’t convincing at all.

It certainly didn’t convince HD, who looked over at the youngest God and was suddenly eyeing him with an almost annoyed expression. “What are you doing? Why are you sitting away from the blankets and pillows?”

“O-Oh…” XD gave a shy look around to the blankets. He could feel 4K looking questioningly at him as well but tired to keep his eyes down. “I didn’t want to ruin your stuff.”

“Don’t be stupid!” HD snapped. He tore the goggles from his eyes and quickly crossed the distance between himself and XD. “Sit back on the pillows.”

“Why would you ruin the pillows?” 4K asked curiously. He pushed himself to sit up fully, taking in XD with new detail while the end God was praying for him to look away. “You don’t…is that blood?!”

There were a few spots XD seemed to have missed with the blood. One spot was by his knee, where the cloak slightly curled in with XD sitting criss-crossed. The shadows hid the blood somewhat but not from something looking for it, as 4K was now.

XD mumbled their words. They didn’t have an excuse or explanation planned, and no matter what they said it wouldn’t fly with HD quickly ordering.

“Take your cloak off.”

He felt like a child being scolded at, but he couldn’t refuse. While shaking with pain, XD shrugged off his cloak slowly. The weight off his shoulders felt great, but his heart leapt into his throat at the sound of 4K and HD’s gasp.

The arm had not healed while hidden and one of the slashes had reopened, coating more blood over it. His clothes were torn with teeth and claw marks, showing his bruises and gashes on full display. XD didn’t want to look down at himself, but watching the wide eyes of 4K and HD was equally as painful.

“Have you been zipping on the Overworld while you’ve been this injured?!” HD suddenly snapped from his stunned silence.

“HD…” 4K’s voice wasn’t exactly a snap, but it wasn’t his usual fun tone. “Go easy on them.”

“Easy on them?! They’re about to fall apart! The time to go easy on them has come and gone!”

The two Gods bickered over XD, making them feel small. He’d been alive thousands of years, but he could still felt so small next to HD and 4K.

“Lie back on the pillows.” HD suddenly ordered.

The injuries all screamed in unison pain as XD moved, but he followed the command. He scooted himself back to the pillows while trying to mind the worst of his injuries.

HD came to his side, opposite the one 4K was sat at. The Nether God had moved closer as well, which was a nice support from HD’s glaring. Though the more HD looked over the wounds, the softer his expression got, and the angry red of his cheeks slowly swirled into a concerned blue teal of worry.

“Oh XD…” HD spoke in a soft breath.

The softness of the starry haired God’s voice made XD feel guilty. Another stab of pain in his heart, mixing in well with the physical pain around his body. “I-I just need to rest…”

“Lie down properly and I’ll heal you.” HD’s voice was softer now, laced with sympathy and care.

“I…” XD moved just slightly and his wounds did not like the idea of lying down. “I can’t…”

“Hold on.” 4K gently shifted himself over. He repositioned himself behind XD, setting his legs on both sides of the End God and then gently lead them to lean back over him.

XD gave a small hiss of pain until his back touched onto 4K’s chest. It was comfortably warm, and eased the tension in XD’s muscles. They could relax without the bite of pain running through them, and sighed gently.

“That okay?” 4K asked softly.

XD hummed softly, nodding his head slowly as he could. 4K responded by purring gently. His chest vibrating against XD’s back and relaxing him further.

HD brought himself in close to XD’s side. He gave a look over XD before his attention was drawn to the younger God face. “Take off your mask.”

The mask gave XD the last bit of protection against his expressions, but it also hurt keeping it on. Hesitantly he rose one of his non injured arms up and lifted the mask off himself. But HD was still looking at him expectantly.

“Your wraps around your eyes should go too…” HD softly said.

That was line far enough that pulled XD to refuse. “N-No.” He quickly shook his head.

“You don’t need to hide yourself…” HD responded as calmly as he could. “We’re Gods here, and we won’t judge. It’ll hurt more to-”

“No!” XD snapped, shaking his head more vigiously. “The wraps stay on!”

“Okay, alright.” 4K’s voice hushed behind XD’s ear. “Okay, they stay on. That’s fine. If that’s what you’re comfortable with. Right HD?”

It wasn’t so much an ask, but more a tone to tell the older God to drop it. HD was silent for a while but gave a slow nod like it was forced out of him. “Fine…they stay on.” He decided and XD could relax again.

With that, HD returned his focus back to the injures before him. He gave one look at the mangled arm but then focused on the gash along XD’s chest. It started on his left shoulder and ended over the ribs on his right side. HD’s hand heated and warmed against XD’s skin. The biting sting of the wound slowly soothed and faded. The pulsing pain in XD’s chest slowly died down and eventually faded away, taking a weight of his lungs. It felt like he could breath properly for the first time. When the calming warmth reached XD’s ribs, HD pulled away and the wound was healed. Slash and bruises completely vanished.

“Feeling okay?” 4K checked in softly; his purrs lessened ever so slightly with his words. XD nodded but 4K shook his head a little. “Gotta use words Blondie and keep you awake until we heal you. Are you okay?”

“Y-Yes…” XD forced his cottonmouth to speak. He nodded as well though his head felt loose and light as air at the same time. Pain mixed into HD’s healing powers made him feel loopy and terrible at the same time.

Eventually the terrible feelings faded the more wounds HD’s hands mended. The cuts, bites and bruises along his torso were all slowly dealt with, and then it came to the mangled arm.

HD just stared at the arm for a long while before doing anything. He muttered words in a language XD couldn’t understand, though 4K’s ears twitched every so often so maybe he could.

“Prime sake…” Was the first thing he said that XD could understand. HD looked up to XD, who had rested his head back over 4K’s shoulder. “What happened to your arm exactly?”

XD answered as honestly as they could. The details blurred when they were grabbed by the teeth. They just remembered screaming and then suddenly they were awake at the bottom of one of the obsidian towers and the world was blurry with a thousand colours. “Dragon got a hold of it with…with her teeth. She launched me off after that.” They paused. “Then I…Then she got hold of it again as I half shifted and tore it, but then I threw her off but I think her fangs were right through.”

HD listened with a calm expression, though his cheeks swirled with teal blues, greens and grey. They reflected in the realm, XD could see between the pillows and blankets. 4K’s arms behind them tightened ever so slightly but not enough to be a full hug. Still holding himself back for his friend.

“Right…” HD breathed and looked back to the arm. “Okay. I’m going to heal it. But I worry she’s done a lot of nerve damage and…well there’s no easy way to put this but I can see a lot of her blood got in your wound here and I don’t know if I can heal that.”

The rise of anxiety spiked up XD’s spine. 4K must have felt it because his purring got louder and he moved one hand to pet over the God’s blonde hair. “Wh-what do you mean?”

“I’ve never seen Dragon before so I don’t know what she can do. I don’t even know what she is - Yes! She’s a dragon, I get that. But I’ve only seen some of the wounds she’s inflicted and that was with fire. Magic fire but that’s damage I can heal. I don’t know if I can heal an infection of her blood without properly knowing what she is.”

XD’s head felt like it was spinning, but 4K’s purr against his back was a grounding force, keeping his head in the moment and reminding him to breathe.

“R-Right…” XD forced himself to speak. “Okay…just do what you can and I can work from there…please.”

HD gave a nod and gave a quick look over to 4K before his focus was on the arm. He shuffled in a little closer but hesitated as he raised his hands.

“Fuck…4K.” He called up. “Can you lift his arm a bit for me?”

“Sure. Lemme just…”

The tallest God shuffled slightly. While still keeping XD on his chest, his arm around the smaller God’s waist uncurled and repositioned under XD’s injured arm. He carefully lifted it a little, looking to XD for any sign of pain, but when it didn’t seem to be bothering him he lifted it up more, and HD got to work.

HD placed both of his hands around the arm. His palms lit up a light blue while he worked down, healing the wounds slowly. Every once in a while, XD would hiss through his teeth, holding back a whimper while 4K comforted and purred against his back.

“The wound isn’t as bad as it looks. It’s just mostly the blood making it look worse.” HD spoke up.

“That’s…reassuring.” XD sighed. The more HD went down the less it was starting to hurt, but he couldn’t stop wincing every once in a while.

“What happened exactly?” 4K asked carefully. “I mean, yous don’t have to tell me but I’m guessing you had a fight with Dragon?”

XD was unsure if he should speak or not. The words felt like lead in his throat but maybe speaking about it would help and sort out his own thoughts. Plus, the talking would keep his mind of the unusually painful healing.

“I had to…stop Dragon from killing Dream.”

“Stop her killing?” 4K sounded confused and slightly worried. “Did she make it to the Overworld or…oh. Did he…?”

XD slowly nodded. “Yes. He and his friend found a way to the End, and I had to stop her before she’d tear them apart.”

HD and 4K gave a look over XD’s shoulder to one another. Both communicating through look alone before HD focused on the task before him and 4K cleared his throat to speak again.

“How did he get there?”

“I don’t know.” XD controlled the growl of frustration in his voice. “I didn’t ask him I didn’t get the chance… He shouldn’t have been able to.”

“You closed off your portal to us.” HD spoke carefully. Their hands worked over XD’s elbow, careful when the arm started to twitch and XD couldn’t hold back his whimpers. “Not even the Gods know how to get there. Is there anyway to open it on our side?”

“Yes but…no-one should know it. I kept the recipe hidden and told no-one. It should be impossible.”

“But Dream knows it?” 4K asked.

“Or someone gave him the knowledge of it.” HD thought out loud. “Dream couldn’t have seen you create it, because Dragon came long before Dream was alive. So if he didn’t make the keys to get there, someone gave him them or the knowledge to.”

These were all questions XD knew he needed to get an answer for but dreaded to think about. He’d have to talk with Dream, which was already not something he was looking forward to.

“How did Dragon get there anyway?” 4K asked.

It shouldn’t have been such a surprising question but it always caught XD off guard to answer it.

“She…came out of the void. I don’t know how to explain it really.” XD paused as HD healed the last of his hand. “There was a rip in the void, below us. It opened to something…unimaginable. Something that can’t be put into words. And when Dragon crawled out of the rip it closed over.”

“Did nothing else come out with her?” 4K asked curiously.

“She was the only thing small enough to fit through the tear.”

4K and HD shared another worrying look, but it was broken up quickly when XD jumped. He hissed in pain and pulled his arm out of HD’s hands ever so slightly.

“Fuck! Your…your healing never hurt before.” XD whimpered.

“I’m sorry,” HD said softly. “I’m trying to clean out the blood and reattach your…well everything. It’s not like a simple cut. But that should be it now.”

The arm looked healed up. There wasn’t a scratch on it, and all the blood was cleaned off.

“I…still can’t feel it.” XD worried.

“Try moving it.” HD ordered.

XD didn’t expect anything, but to everyone’s surprise the arm actually moved. He lifted it up ever so slightly and stretched his fingers. But he couldn’t feel anything. It was strange watching an arm you were controlling without actually feeling it. Like controlling a phantom limb.

“That’s alright at least.” HD sighed with relief. “If it’s numb tomorrow I’ll try heal it again, but at least you can move it.” He shuffled himself down to XD’s legs. “Let’s get the rest of you healed.”

“You don’t have to…” XD quickly offered, but he was pulled back into 4K’s chest and the purring started again.

“Don’t worry, HD is happy to heal you up.” 4K purred happily. “And you could do with a rest.”

It was strange but slowly becoming enjoyable to be coddled and looked after. Usually XD was never the one to be held or hugged so tightly, but 4K could make him feel so small, and even HD who was smaller than him just had to give XD a look and he’d shrink. It was nice every once in a while to be reminded he was the youngest among them.

The wounds down XD’s legs weren’t as bad as the ones on his torso. Some deep cuts and bruises but HD was healing them up just fine. The only thing to really mend was the tears in his clothes, but XD was far too exhausted to fix them up.

“You deserve a good nap once you’re healed.” 4K added, which didn’t sit right with XD. He shuffled in 4K’s arms before speaking.

“I need to get back to Dream…”

“Dream is with his friend. You are with yours.” HD quickly replied. “You both need a break and time away from each other.”

While it was meant in a good way, the words still stabbed into XD’s chest. “But… I need to speak with him…”

“And you’re better to do that when you’ve both calmed down and time to collect yourselves.”

“But he…if he tries to go there again.”

“He won’t.” HD cut in. “I promise you he won’t.”

HD spoke with confidence that XD did believe him, but worry prickled under his skin. He had assumed HD and Dream had been sleeping the entire time he was gone, but it seemed they had spoken together and XD’s mind raced, thinking of what they could have said. Did Dream feel more comfortable speaking to a stranger God than his own brother?

“The last of the cut is done.” HD announced, pulling XD out of his train of thought. The smaller God was sat by XD’s shins, just finishing the last small bruise there. “Time to nap.”

Napping felt like the last thing XD could do. While his body was no longer screaming at him in pain, he felt far too on edge to settle.

“Can’t sleep?” 4K purred close to his ear. The stubble tickled against XD’s ear, making him shudder and pull his head away, but he could hardly go far. His body still felt heavy and 4K’s arms circled around his waist now, holding him in.

“S-Stohop ihit!” XD giggled. He tried to hunch his shoulders to block 4K out, but the sneak had already nuzzled his chin into the crook of XD’s neck and his shoulder.

“Stop what?” 4K grinned. “What am I doing?”

The Nether God was annoyingly skilled at following XD’s movements, keeping his chin and that tickly stubble lodged right in.

“You knohow exactly what yohou’re dohoi-IHIHIN!”

XD squeaked. His cheeks lit up red and he looked down to HD who had grabbed hold of his ankle.

The small God was smirking. One hand holding onto XD’s heel and his other hand was slowly tracing circles around XD’s ankle bone.

“H-Hehehe Dehehehehe…” XD giggled, his lips pulling into a goofy smile he couldn’t help.

“Yes?” HD asked innocently, his finger never stopping. “Something wrong?”

“Yohohou-nn!”

4K’s fingers shifted just ever so slightly, positioning over the End God’s ribs. He didn’t move at all, but even just the threat of them made XD giggle.

“We’ll stop, if you want that, and we can talk if you need or you can try and sleep.” HD said softly.

“Or,” 4K added, “we can tickle aaaaall that tension out of you. Softly knead all your muscles till you’re a giggly puddle and fall asleep in our arms.”

XD couldn’t stop giggling while the sweet words whispered into his ear. His face was glowing red, no matter how many of his hands he hid behind.

“What’ll it be?” 4K purred. His breath tickled XD’s ear and sent shivers down his spine.

“Y-Yehessss…” XD just managed to whisper between his fingers.

“Yes what?” HD prompted.

“Yohohou knohow wh-what!” XD tried to hide further into his hands.

“Gotta tell us Blondie.” 4K said. “Gotta tell us loud and clear.”

“And you need those hands away from your face. We have to see you mean it.” HD added. He gave a soft scribble up to XD’s shin, watching with delight as the End God jumped and his legs gave weak little kicks. Not trying to get away at all.

“Yehehehesss!” XD pulled their hands from their face, showing their sweet smile and pink cheeks. “Yehehes! I-I want to behe t-tihihickled! Plehehease tihihickle mehehe!”

4K’s purrs reached so loud they almost drowned out XD’s giggling. He pressed a long kiss to the side of XD’s head while his arms uncurled from XD’s ribs. XD gave a small whine to the loss of warmth, but it returned with a quick yelp as 4K just repositioned his hands over XD’s ribs again. Specifically over the ones between this upper and lower arms.

“I never got to tickle your ribs with the lava blob.” 4K reminisced almost sadly. “You tapped out before they got a taste of your ribbies.”

XD’s breath hitched, caught in a gasp and a giggle.

“You were so looking forward to tickling them too.” HD added. His tickling had stopped and instead he kneaded XD’s calf gently. Just being on the edge of slightly tickly but not enough.

“Yes. Especially these little ones here.” 4K gave just the softest knead to one of the ribs. XD jumped but 4K held him clam. “Are they more ticklish?” Another knead. “Less?” And another.”

“P-Pleheahase…” XD tittered.

“Softly.” HD warned the taller God. “Softly.”

“Of course softly.” 4K sounded offended as though he would be doing anything else. “Softly for our soft baby boy.”

Before XD could even consider curling up or hiding his face again, 4K positioned his fingers to each of the ribs and begin softly kneading. It wasn’t sudden, in fact the tickling had started quite slowly, yet it still managed to send a jolt through XD’s body. Another yelp escaped him before he melted into warm giggles and chuckling into his arm.

“No. No hiding.”

There was a soft grip around XD’s wrist, pulling his arm away from his mouth and letting his laughs be heard. While XD whined he saw it was one of HD’s helper hands, guiding his arm down before disappearing. XD had to fight back wanting to move his arm again, or any of his other arms.

“If you hide again,” HD continued. “I’ll stop this.”

The hand around XD’s calf stopped kneading. Instead HD had shuffled himself up slightly and his hand went, tauntingly slow, towards XD’s knee. His fingers so gently skittered over the top of of his kneecap, sending tingles softly up the blonde God’s legs and shivering up his spine.

“N-Nohoho…” XD shook his head. “Noho nohohoho…”

“Don’t hide your face, XD~” 4K cooed in his ear when he saw XD’s arms twitch ever so slightly. “You don’t want us to stop do you?”

“Nnn…” XD shook his head into 4K’s neck, fighting with himself not to hide his blushing, giggling face despite how embarrassing it was. Not helped at all by the two cooing at him and pointing out his blushing face.

It was a strange torture wanting to be tickled and having the body fight against that want. He was elated to the soft tickly shocks running through him, breaking up all his nerves into soft mushy clouds. But his limbs wanted to curl in and his instinct told him to hide his red face, which would end the tickling and earn more taunts.

4K switched from tickling all of the ribs at once to going at them one at a time. He kneaded each one softly, listening for the different laughs and chortles XD would make before moving onto the next, tickling and listening again. He only had three ribs to play with but that didn’t seem to deter him, especially not when he went back over all the ribs again.

“So are they more or less ticklish?” 4K asked. “I’m tickling as softly as I can but I could dig in more.”

“Th-Thehehey… Nnn…” XD clenched his fists to stop his arms moving. “Mohohore s-sehensitihive…” He giggled.

“Well I suppose that makes sense.” HD nodded, as one of their fingers made slow circles into the side of XD’s knee. “Those ribs are more hidden. Little secret ribs.”

“Absolutely secret.” 4K purred. “Oh how I really wanna nibble those ribs and give them a taste.” He shook his fingers softly with the words. Vibrating over the ribs with his excitement. It almost jumped XD’s laughter up, but just before it reached that point of verging to hysteria, 4K stopped. “But this is good for now.”

“You are getting far too excited on his ribs.” HD warned. His tickling stopped over XD’s knee and the kneading along his ribs slowly died down. “I think we need to switch.”

“That’s fine!” 4K responed enthusiasticaly. “I want a shot of his knees.”

The two spoke so brazenly about him, like he was a tickle toy passed between them. It tingled his nerves, made him more on edge and more ticklish. He loved it.

4K shuffled out from behind XD and took HD’s place by his knees. When HD came by his side, he motioned for XD to lie down more so his head lay over HD’s lap. The scent of jasmine and daises overtook XD’s senses as he rested his head. It further relaxed him, and let him melt over the older God’s lap while he brushed back XD’s hair.

“Do you remember your safe word?” HD asked in a voice so soft it was almost a whisper.

XD nodded. “G-Glade…”

“And you can use that any time you want to stop. Even if you just want to go to sleep.”

XD nodded again, this time ending in a surprised yelp. He looked down to see 4K by his shins. The Nether God placed one of his own legs over XD’s, and he had one of his clawed fingers tracing over XD’s sole ever so slowly.

“M-Mihiy feet aren’t t-tihihicklish…” XD giggled.

“Why you giggling then?” 4K grinned.

“Behecause it’s sihihilly…”

“It is very silly you don’t have tickly feet. It’s outrageous honestly.” 4K nodded in agreement, ignoring XD’s giggly pleads that wasn’t what he meant. “Don’t worry. I’ll make them tickly, one way or another. But at least for now you have tickly knees.”

He didn’t move from tracing shapes over XD’s sole, and instead his tail slithered forward. XD could feel it wagging behind him when 4K was at his back and now it was making it’s way slowly towards his knee. The black fluffy tail coiled around his shin, the tip of it flicked back and forth against the back of XD’s knee.

It was only lightly touching him, but even that was sending jolt after jolt through XD’s body and drawing up high pitched giggles. Wasn’t at all helped by HD softly petting through his hair.

“Where do you want your tickles?”

XD pushed past his nerves and the giggles bubbling in his throat from 4K’s tail. “T… T-T-Tuhuhummy…”

HD smiled softly. “Rough tickles?”

XD whined but nodded through. “N-Nohohot too r-rohohough…”

“Of course.” HD nodded and then two ephemeral hands appeared.

XD almost jumped at the sight of those hands. They appeared out of thin air, wiggling their fingers at him; taunting him. They lowered down to the End God’s stomach, wiggling all the way. They wasted no time building up or taunting XD anymore, instead going right into kneading over his stomach.

The hands worked all the way up and down the sides of XD’s stomach. Kneading along the sides and scribbling onto the front. One of the hands found the shape of XD’s bellybutton through his top and it became their whole focus to trace over and wiggle over.

XD’s laughter kicked up just squeaking above his giggles. His shoulders hunched in a makeshift attempt at hiding his face without his hands. He was pulling up fistfuls of blankets just to stop his hands from instinctively hiding his face.

“Look how much you love your tummy tickles.” 4K’s honeyed voice came back to XD’s ears. Even down at his knees, it was like the Nether God was still purring against his ear, sending goosebumps down his back. The tail still coiled around his leg had stopped flicking so quickly, instead softly brushing under XD’s knee. Swaying so gently back and forth. Back and forth.

XD snorted as they tried to answer which only made them laugh more and their face brighter. They felt lighter than air, even as HD and 4K cooed over their snort, and HD’s hands soon joined in giving soft scritches to their neck. Their senses flooded and overwhelmed with soft electricity, just ever so lightly tickling their nerves. They felt warmed. Loved. In bliss.

The giggling trills and chuckles soon died down over time. When XD’s breathing and gasps got shaky, the two tickling Gods eased up and finally the gentle giggles fell into soft snores. 4K’s tail stilled to rest over XD’s knee and HD waved his helper hands away as they looked to XD. As they suspect, DreamXD had fallen asleep.

“He falls asleep while being tickled.” 4K praised while keeping his voice hushed. His tail wagged with his joy, but he did his best to keep it far from XD’s knee. “He is literally the cutest thing ever. I cannot believe you kept him from me for so long.”

“Oh shush.” HD rolled his eyes. “It’s not like I was hiding him from you.”

“You were, you absolutely were.” 4K insisted while he uncurled his tail from XD’s knee. While still being careful to be quiet he shuffled up to HD’s side. “I consider this a great crime against our friendship.”

The older God gave a playful scoff, but the light-hearted smile was gone from his face. He watched XD slumber against his lap and all trace of his light and free mood were gone. His expression pulled to a frown, and then he let out a long sigh.

“I need to go back to the Overworld…”

The silence to follow was heavy, but it was freeing to say it out loud. Weight lifted from HD’s shoulders and out into the world.

“You can’t go back just from the guilt of wanting to help him.” 4K spoke in a tone so unlike himself. He had lost his playful tone. It was jarring to hear him speak so seriously. “I know, I was the number one voter for wanting you to go back, but you can’t go from guilt. There’s nothing you could have done.”

“I could have done something!” HD snapped, running his hands through his hair, streaking with more stars than before. The colours streaking down his cheeks were overrun with grey and yellowish teal. “I could have helped him close more portals. Make them more hidden for him. I could have helped him find Dream or…or figured out where they were going. I could have done so much for him!”

“Shh…” 4K’s voice was calm, motioning to XD sleeping. “I know how frustrating it is when you couldn’t help someone, believe me HD I know. But beating yourself up over it, and going for what you thought you could have done won’t help you.”

“No… No I know, you’re right. I’m sorry.” The tension melted from HD’s shoulders, and soothed his voice back to a whisper. “But I need to go back. I know I do. I’ve known for a long time. It’s not fair leaving it to XD to fix. It sounds like it’s fallen into chaos.”

4K only gave a careful nod. One of his fingers found a strand of XD’s hair to play with, carefully wrapping it around his finger. “How long has it been since you’ve been back?”

The silence was longer than 4K expected it to be. “I honestly…20 years…? Maybe more? Time and keeping track of it isn’t exactly my thing.”

“I bet it’s hardly changed at all in that little time!”

While it had a more uplifting tone, the two Gods knew it was just an empty saying. But while the words might have just been to make HD feel better, 4K still perked up with a smile. He bumped his arm against HD’s, snapping the God’s attention out of his thoughts.

“Well, you aren’t going back tonight.” 4K shuffled himself down slightly. “XD’s got the right idea. We could all use a nap.”

Usually the first one to jump for the chance of a nap, HD was unusually quiet. He gave a small hum while 4K picked one of the many blankets laying around.

“You want me to move him off you?” 4K offered.

“Nah…” HD shook his head softly. “Leave him there.”

4K cocked his eyebrow. “Won’t that be uncomfortable sleeping? At least let me move him so you can lie down a little.”

A wave of HD’s hand summoned a pile of large plush pillows behind his back, which he lay over softly.

A slight frown pulled 4K’s lips. “I wanted to cuddle.” He almost pouted.

“You can still cuddle him.” HD pointed out.

“I wanted to cuddle you both…”

A flush of red swept up HD’s cheeks. He could feel the coloured stripes running down his face flicker to a soft red before he quickly flickered them away. He busied his mind with thoughts of XD, and the Overworld, and the colours ran back to a worried teal.

“XD could use your full attention right now.” HD quickly excused, and it seemed to work. Or at least go unnoticed. 4K’s attention was on XD at that moment.

The Nether God hummed in thought before he moved. He didn’t lie down fully as HD expected. Instead he lay his head over one of the pillows by HD’s hip and curled his arm around HD’s back. He pulled XD close into his chest, still keeping him on HD’s lap and allowing 4K to lean over the older God’s hip.

“Not a perfect cuddle.” 4K huffed. “But it will do.”

HD wanted to scoff at the absolute childishness but he couldn’t deny his heart fluttered over 4K’s care. He was an absolute sap, with a huge heart. But HD loved him for that. And XD desperately needed someone like that.

Soon XD’s soft snores were joined by 4K’s snoring. He was louder but not annoying. It faded into a comfortable white noise as HD let their mind wander and pet through 4K and XD’s hair. Their mind was racing with all the things they had to do, the messes the had to fix, and the fears they’d inevitably have to confront as they returned to the Overworld. But HD didn’t focus on that for now.

Right now, HD lay back and slept.

#dsmp tickle #mcyt tickle #lee!dreamxd #ler!georgehd #ler!sapnap4k #godsiblingau #covenofwords

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jasontoddsmommyissues · 11 months

Text

My personal headcanons about Eddie’s dad that the book may end up contradicting but at this point idgaf

Warning: Mentions of child abuse, loss of a parent, homophobic language

Masterlist

Feat young Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Al Munson

-He’s Wayne’s younger brother. Both their parents passed when they were young adults, so Wayne always felt obligated to look out for him, which was a lot easier said than done because Eddie’s dad has always been pretty wild.

-I assume the Munsons aren’t originally from Indiana, since Wayne’s accent definitely isn’t Midwestern. In my mind, Eddie’s dad was a little bit of a drifter that rolled into Hawkins one day when he was like 24 or so and started seeing Eddie’s mom (who was like 18 and freshly out of high school at the time) with the intention of moving on in a few months and forgetting all about her.

-Instead she winds up pregnant, and he definitely isn’t interested in settling down and raising a family, but Wayne ultimately talks him into doing the right thing and marrying her.

-Eddie’s dad was never really cut out for family life. He hated being stuck in Hawkins, and has always resented Eddie because of it. When Eddie’s mom was alive, he was pretty absent, always going out drinking or committing petty crimes, hopping from job to job, probably seeing other women behind his wife’s back.

-Then his wife died and he was suddenly the sole parent responsible for a kid he never wanted in the first place. Those few years where Eddie was living with just his dad were pretty rough.

-A non exhaustive list of shit Eddie’s dad put him through at the time:

When Eddie’s mom first died, his dad would want to go out drinking, so he’d just put little grade school Eddie in his car and have him sleep there in the parking lot of whatever dive he was hanging out at. (Eventually he gave up on this and just started ditching Eddie at home)

He hated spending money on Eddie. They barely had any to begin with, and the priority with what they did have was always booze and cigarettes. There were nights that Eddie went to bed hungry because his dad didn’t bother buying any food for him. Most of Eddie’s clothes and shoes were old and ill fitting because he wouldn’t bother replacing them.

Even when he wasn’t out drinking, he was neglectful of Eddie. He rarely put in effort to make sure he was properly taken care of. Eddie would come to school covered in dirt because his dad never made him take a bath, his clothes often went long periods of time without washing etc. His peers would often pick on him because of it, and at the time he didn’t have D&D or anything to fall back on.

Eddie’s dad had a nasty temper, and no matter how much Eddie tried, he’d always end up doing something to anger the man. He’d scream at and berate Eddie, and sometimes get physical. He’d also take this opportunity to throw their situation into Eddie’s face. He’d say Eddie was a burden, how he was unwanted and how it was his fault his mom was dead.

I’m a big Eddie has ADHD truther, and I’d imagine this was a point of contention between him and his dad. ADHD wasn’t really known back then, so his dad would just chalk his symptoms up to him being “dumb”. Eddie would struggle with school work and his dad would tell him he was just stupid and that he shouldn’t bother because it’s not like he’d ever amount to anything.

He made Eddie keep his hair buzzed. If Eddie expressed interest in growing it out he’d say stuff like “long hair is for women and f*gs”

-At some point, when Eddie was middle school age, his dad finally got arrested for something that came with serious jail time. He wouldn’t be out until Eddie was at least 18, so their options were either for a relative to take him or he’d end up in the system. Of course Wayne didn’t hesitate to take the boy in, and the rest is history.

-Wayne has forgiven his brother for a lot of the shit he pulled, but one thing he can’t ever forgive is the way he treated Eddie. It took a little while of living with Wayne before Eddie came out of his shell, all thanks to the abuse his father put him through.

-Wayne does still communicate with his brother though, sometimes talks on the phone and even goes to visit every once in a while. Eddie on the other hand doesn't. He has no interest in a relationship with his father and Wayne isn’t going to force it on him.

-Eddie’s dad dropped out of high school at 16. Part of the reason Eddie’s so insistent on graduating is because he doesn’t want to be like him.

-But of course, even with all Eddie’s efforts, it’s still hard to escape the shadow of his father’s reputation. People have always assumed that Eddie is just a no good delinquent like his father. They were even more convinced when Eddie started getting into “immoral” activities like D&D and metal music (never mind the fact that Eddie’s dad didn’t like either of those things).

-Overall, Eddie’s dad is just super bitter and jealous of his son. He’d never admit it to anyone, not even himself, but deep down he hates that he threw his life away and now he’s rotting in prison; he wants to see Eddie end up the same way because the thought of his son being a better person than him upsets him.

#stranger things #Eddie munson #feral raccoon boy #headcanons #Eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson headcanons #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #Eddie munson fanfiction #Wayne munson #eddie munson x reader #stranger things headcanons #Eddie munson angst

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cest-la-vieve · 2 years

Text

Meeting Eve (The Fifth Time)

Summary: Azriel wakes up to find his world in shambles. His brother is still broken, his High Lord's mate is in an enemy Court, and his mate still hasn't woken up.

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: cussing, angst, mentions of violence

Next: The Sixth Time

ACOPAP Masterlist

---

The fifth time that I saw her was somehow more heartbreaking than the last.

The past month had been a living hell, more so than my life usually was.

When I woke up, it had been in a panic. I bolted up, sending my shadows skittering, and assessing the room for any kind of danger. It had taken too many moments for me to realize that I wasn’t in the King of Hybern’s castle but back in Velaris.

Madja was on me in an instant, shoving me back to the bed by my shoulders and ignoring my wince as my torso straightened back out. She looked at me harshly and told me in no uncertain terms that I was to remain here until she deemed me healthy enough to leave.

I just glared at her before taking stock of what was injured and who was with me. My entire chest was wrapped and sore, but I could tell the poison was no longer coursing through my veins. I let out a sigh at the relieving feeling but my body remained tensed as I wondered what had happened to the rest of our court.

Cassian was next to me on a cot, still unconscious. My heart clenched as I took stock of his injuries. Without Madja, he surely would have been dead - should have been dead. His wings were in tatters but beginning to heal, I could see where Madja had already begun rebuilding the muscles and stitching the tissue together. Still, it would surely take a while for him to wake up and regain his strength.

But he was alive.

The only question was if everyone else was, too.

I mustered what strength I could and beckoned my shadows to me. An imperceptible smile slipped out as they responded and I could sense their glee that I had woken up. It was much easier to share my feelings and thoughts with them than voice them aloud. And it was always comforting to hear them respond in kind, assuaging my guilt, brushing away my sorrow, or following me into my anger. For years in that cellar, they had done the same, calling to me until I taught myself their language. They became part of me, and I, them. So I sent them out with the sole intention to find Evelyn as quickly as possible, already sensing that was exactly what they wanted to do anyways.

With shadows searching for my mate, I mentally reached out for Rhys and could have cried at the reassuring presence of the link connecting us. For 500 years the bargain we had made that bonded the three of us together was always there in the back of my mind, firm and lasting. But in that throne room… to reach for it and find it gone…

In a blink, Rhys winnowed into the room, distracting me from the memories that haunted my mind. He raked his eyes over me in the same way I had just evaluated Cassian. I wasn’t sure what he was looking for but I waited until he was satisfied and let out a sigh.

“Is she alive?” I croaked out. I was too tired and weak to worry about shielding my concern from Rhys. I knew he knew how I felt about Feyre’s sister, even if he didn’t know the full extent of why. That was the part I couldn’t reveal. For her sake.

“Well, brother, you’re going to have a bit more specific than that,” Rhys grinned, his signature smirk on his face but I could see the relief in his eyes at hearing me speak.

I just shot him a look.

“Nesta? Surly as ever, I’m afraid. Though I’m sure Cass will be happy to hear it when he wakes up.”

I glared at him.

“Oh, of course. Elain is… well that’s something you’ll have to see for yourself but she’s alive.” I growled.

“You must be referring to my darling Feyre, then. She’s perfect. Though she’s been taken to the Spring Court by that insufferable bastard, Tamlin. The King of Hybern broke our bargain,” I could hear the pain in his voice, the emotion that flashed in his eyes, “She’s okay. She has to be.”

“She can handle herself, Rhys,” I told him, doing my best to sound comforting. The connection between them was something I had envied and admired; I could only imagine the pain Rhysand was going through at being unable to access or retrieve her. We’d get her back - even if Cassian and I had to relive every moment of that throne room, we had made a promise to protect her with our lives.

I winced as I remembered just how spectacularly we had failed. The time for self-pity and guilt would come later, though, after I knew Evelyn was okay.

Rhysand let out a heavy sigh before beginning to pace the room. He ran a single hand through his hair and I knew it wasn’t only Feyre he was worried about. “Az,” I braced myself for what he said next, “Evelyn… she hasn’t woken up. It’s only been a few days and Madja says she’s in perfect health but… she won’t wake up.”

Thankfully, I had already snapped my mental shields back into place as everything flooded over me at once. She was alive but… Even my shadows began swirling around me, trying to shroud me from him as they began to panic. The few I had sent to find her returned and with the utmost urgency tried to convey where to find her - and to do so quickly, they seemed to shout.

Every bit of rage at Hybern and myself left my veins and was replaced with something I hadn’t felt in a very, very long time. Pure, primal fear.

I hadn’t been afraid since I was locked away in that cell as a child. Everything since - facing death, watching my brothers face death, being unable to help Rhys Under the Mountain, and even in that throne room - had made me spiteful or angry. Never afraid.

But the thought of Evelyn, that sweet female with genuine love and interest in a world that was otherwise hated by her kind and an attitude that far outweighed her physical capacity, laying unconscious - or worse dying - after sacrificing herself for us… I was scared.

My mate… My mate had been alone for days, unconscious and I hadn’t been there.

I struggled to sit up, flapping my wings slightly to help get off the cot. Rhys looked concerned and try to reach for me, unsure whether to help or demand I lay back down. I shot him a glance and he backed off. I somehow managed to stand and squared my shoulders before looking at Rhysand and demanding, “Take me to her.”

He just nodded and winnowed us above the House of Wind, knowing better than to question my order. The pain was secondary to the need to get to her, even as stretching my wings to fly to the broad porch sent wave after wave of it through my chest and back. I would suffer through any pain to get to her side.

Rhys almost reached out to steady me as I landed, but correctly thought better of it. I didn’t spare him a glance as I walked up the stairs and instinctively began moving down one of the hallways, following the tug on my soul.

“We only have the two conjoining ones,” he inclined his neck to gesture at the two doors, “so Nesta’s been… sitting with her. Elain has the other one, but since we got back she’s changed. Spends most of her time looking out the window.”

I made a mental note to check on Elain, knowing Feyre would be furious if she returned and found out no one had looked after her sister. I had a sneaking suspicion Evelyn would feel similarly if - when - she woke up. In the meantime, I sent some shadows to confirm that Elain was, indeed, alive and sitting gazing out the window.

I turned my attention back to the room in front of us. I nodded at Rhys and he didn’t even knock before pushing open the door.

Nesta sat at the foot of the bed, a book in hand that was dropped into her lap as the door opened. A sneer made its way to her face and her eyes shot daggers at Rhys before slightly softening as I took a step into the room.

I didn’t dare look behind her yet, where I knew Evelyn’s unconscious body was. I wasn’t sure what I would do when I saw her laying there lifeless.

Rhys stayed in the doorway and I took another step into the room, meeting Nesta’s gaze. I couldn’t find my voice and didn’t even know what I would say to convince her to let me see Evelyn. So I just stared at her, willing those walls I had spent centuries honing fall the slightest bit, hoping she would understand the desperation there. And if she didn’t… No matter what the Cauldron had done to her, she wouldn’t keep me from my mate.

I studied her, noting the bags under her eyes, the slight indent on the bed behind her, and the wariness and threat in her eyes. I knew then that she had been sleeping - or trying to sleep - beside Evelyn every night. I knew that she hadn’t gotten a minute of rest between waiting for Evelyn to wake up and caring for Elain.

After a few moments of carefully evaluating each other, she dipped her chin at me and stood, walking to a corner of the room. I could sense her gaze on me, even as she kept an eye on Rhysand, ensuring he wouldn’t enter past the door. I wasn’t concerned with whatever lingered between my High Lord and the eldest sister, not when I finally saw her.

To an outside eye, she would have looked peaceful, perhaps sleeping and having a pleasant dream. I knew better. I saw the way her chest barely rose, the paleness of her usually rosy cheeks, how limp her hands were instead of fiddling nervously like they always seemed to, but most of all her face. It was perfectly neutral.

She always had a smile. Even if she was upset, her mouth seemed like it couldn’t help itself from quirking up at the corners, ever optimistic. She was usually so expressive. Even if I hadn’t spent the past 500 years learning how to read people, I had a feeling I would have known exactly what she was thinking or feeling at all times. It was always plastered on her face. Her eyebrows would furrow together or her nose would scrunch up or her eyes would widen.

But now… she looked dead. She couldn’t be dead.

I took slow steps forward, one arm holding the bandages on my chest. I could feel Rhys and Nesta watching as I slowly made my way towards the bed before taking a seat in the chair placed next to it.

I slumped down with a grunt, not used to the pain that came with sitting down. Aware of the gazes still fixed on me, I carefully reached out one hand, wincing as the movement caused the bandages to shift.

Her hands had been clasped together on her chest, which didn’t help the overall eerie feeling of looming death that surrounded her. As gently as I could I grasped one of her hands in mine before bringing it next to her and just holding it.

I wanted nothing more than to cradle her to my chest and never let go. To hold her until she woke up.

But as I studied her lifeless face, it was as if the choice was made for me. I couldn’t let anyone know. I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t have her.

The danger she was already in… I didn’t protect her when she needed it most. She didn’t deserve someone as broken and imperfect as me when she represented everything perfect and good in the world. She had already been violated, turned into something against her will, and while I wouldn’t let anything harm her ever again, I wouldn’t be responsible for bringing more darkness to her life.

“She can have my room until she wakes up,” I said, dropping her hand and rising to my feet.

I met Nesta’s gaze and her eyes flashed indecipherably. I was prepared to fight with the eldest Archeron if needed. Despite my promise to myself to stay away from Evelyn, I wouldn’t be able to function knowing she was all the way across the house from me.

To my surprise - and relief - there was no fight and Nesta just nodded, her arms staying crossed firmly against her chest.

Rhys’ eyes widened and turned to me, his face the picture of surprise and confusion. I didn’t say anything more as I bent over and wrapped my arms under Evelyn’s limp form. I brought her close to my chest, not minding the sting as her body pressed against my bandages.

I left the room without acknowledging Nesta or Rhys, taking her directly to my room and placing her on my bed. I heard Rhys approaching and sent my shadows darting out. They slammed the door shut just as he was about to walk in. I heard him scoff indignantly and sent a mental note to him to shut up and I’d be out in a moment.

I brought the blanket up to Evelyn’s chest and carefully carded a hand through her hair. I pretended not to notice the way my hand shook as it felt her soft blonde hair. I made sure my blocks were in place before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, indulging myself just for a moment before I had to keep this incredible female away from me for her own sake.

I stood up and stretched my wings, hissing at the feeling of not using them for so long and the injury that limited my movement. I let my shadows swirl around Evelyn and they informed me that Madja had been right, she was in perfect health, even if, they told me, something felt different about her.

All I could do was wait for her to wake up. In the meantime… I had business to attend to.

I took one last glance at her sleeping body and tried to stifle the way my heart pounded in my chest at the sight of her in my bed, her scent mixing with mine.

I sighed and reached for the doorknob. This was going to be harder than I thought.

Thankfully, Rhys wasn’t in the hallway like I expected. I heard him downstairs, talking to Mor. I stalked down there and leaned against the doorway once I found them in the sitting room. Mor’s eyes flicked to me before she was up out of her chair and across the room before I could blink.

My head snapped to the side and I whipped it back to face her, mouth gaping. She slapped me.

“Don’t you ever do that shit again!” She yelled at me, tears welling in her eyes.

I couldn’t find the words. I just nodded.

A sob escaped her as she pulled me into a hug, gasping, “Az.”

I let one arm wrap around her, not used to this sort of outright affection from her and conscious of the fact that my mate lay upstairs, suffering. I just nodded against her, hoping that would be enough to convey that I was alive and okay.

She pulled away with a huge grin, bouncing back to where Rhys was. I shook my head slightly, only Mor could go from slapping me, to hugging me and crying, to giddy and practically skipping.

I made my way into the room to stand in the corner on the opposite side of the fireplace and with a clear view and access to the stairs if needed. As much as I would have enjoyed hearing whatever they were discussing, we had more important matters.

My face turned steely as did my tone, “We need to talk.” I looked pointedly at Rhysand and he just nodded.

He launched into a spiel about Feyre in the Spring Court that I listened to, despite my mind wandering elsewhere. Until the words “High Lady” left his mouth.

I snapped my attention to him and hissed, “High Lady?”

He stopped mid-sentence and shrugged with a cocky smirk on his face as if he hadn’t let loose the biggest lie - the biggest secret - that he had ever had in 500 years slip.

My High Lady… In an enemy court… Surrounded by those who would likely wish her dead if they knew.

I flared my wings and squared my shoulders to Rhys. “I’ll get her out.”

He shook his head and I saw the flash of sadness. “She’s doing her dut6y to this Court and it is her choice when she returns.”

“Fuck choices, we’re getting her out of there.”

“I forbid it,” he snapped, his High Lord voice effectively ending the conversation.

“I’m leaving tonight,” I told him, leaving no room for argument this time.

“Absolutely not.”

“Respectfully, High Lord,” I spat the title, knowing using his rank would show him how serious I was, “I’m going to kill every single one of the Fae that was in that room myself. You’re welcome to try to stop me.”

He met my gaze, slipping into his role as my superior. He seemed to think a moment, no doubt going to order me to stay, but relented. “Keep me updated.”

I nodded and stalked off, not hearing what Mor said to him as I was leaving.

For a month, I rotated between setting up meetings with my spies in foreign courts, hunting down those from the throne room, and returning back to Velaris.

Every time I came home, I could feel Rhysand’s eyes on me, wondering just when I would decide to check on the unconscious female a few doors away. I couldn’t bring myself to see her. Not yet. Not until I tore every piece of Hybern filth that I could get my hands on to shreds.

I knew some intrinsic part of me would break each time I stepped through that doorway and saw her there. I had spiraled before but spiraling by finding and torturing our enemies was better than spiraling into my own head.

I threw myself into the work, the hunt. It was a welcome distraction from the female who still laid asleep on my bed.

I barely ate or slept. I sat with Elain, if only to make sure someone did, enjoying the way she didn’t demand anything of me or try to ask why I hadn’t visited her sister. I found her silence comfortable as it allowed me to be sucked into my own thoughts without fear of questioning or judgment. I also knew that Evelyn would have wanted someone to keep an eye on her, to care about how she was doing. It was a good way for me to feel useful when I returned to check in with Rhys, to feel as though I had some value despite the near-fatal mistakes I had made.

I tried not to think of her being forced into that Cauldron. I forced myself not to think about that place in me that was reserved only for her - always for her.

I put all of my focus into punishing the people who were responsible for her current state. It was bloody and brutal and everything I needed not only as a distraction but also as a reminder of why she was too good for me.

Cass had woken up and Madja was able to heal his wings - for the most part. On one of very few trips back to Velaris I had made him swear to me that he would ensure someone was always with Evelyn and that I was notified the second she woke up. I could tell he wanted to press me for more information but I left before he could.

From then on, Cassian, Rhys, and Nesta took turns sitting beside her while I was away.

When I wasn’t at the House of Wind, I would stumble into wherever I was staying bloody and exhausted, fall into a fitful sleep, and wake up the next morning to do it again. I had torn the wounds on my chest open too many times to count since, earning me several verbal lashings from Madja.

I had grown careless, not even bothering to chain up the Fae I interrogated. Relishing, instead, the pain they caused me as I let them get a few good hits in. I had torn open the wounds in my chest on more than a few occasions, meaning I had to sit through multiple lectures from Madja as she reapplied the dressings. I didn’t care. It didn’t matter as long as I was getting closer and closer to fixing my mistake and finding a way to get back at Hybern.

I was in the middle of a particularly… intense interrogation when I felt that tug from Cassian. He didn’t say anything over that invisible bond - he didn’t have to. I shoved Truthteller into the heart of the male in front of me, leaving his body in front of the dump of a bar I had found him in.

I didn’t use my siphons to shield me from the wind or the cold as I raced home, knowing I deserved every bit of discomfort they brought me as I flew as hard as I could to get home to her.

#acopap #a court of pain and pleasure #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #acomaf #a court of mist and fury #acowar #a court of wings and ruin #acofas #a court of frost and starlight #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x ofc #azriel x reader #azriel x evelyn

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roadtogracelandx45 · 6 months

Text

Current State of Affairs|2| Lee Dutton

Yeah, I don't have an excuse other then real life has caught up to me and my life kind of fell apart for a few weeks. Things are on the up hill now.

Two: Truth Be Told

“Well Beth, I am saying never. He had his shot and he never took it.” Spencer returned as she picked up her robe and towel, “he respects Kayce too much.” Beth’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion as she dropped down on the chair that had been pulled out from the vanity. “What do you mean he had his shot?” There was silence as Spencer went into the bathroom and turned on the water for the shower.

“Just that, he had his chance and didn’t do anything.” She went to shut the door to have some sort of privacy but was stopped just as quickly by Beth, this was all news to her.

“Whoa, whoa, you can’t just drop a bomb like that on me and then not say anything else.”

“Remember that weekend that Kayce and I broke up?”

“Yeah.”

She remembered it all too well, Kayce and their father had gotten into a fight, and Kayce decided that he was done with everything. He had snuck out in the middle of the night and went to the Abbott Ranch and talked Spencer into leaving with him. They were at the gas station when Rip and Lee found them and Spencer had her choice and she had gotten into the truck with Lee and Rip. And three days later Kayce showed up with Monica and shattered whatever was left of their relationship. Spencer had stormed out of the house and Lee had followed her but not after throwing a couple of punches at his brother.

“And how he followed me to the barn?” Seeing her friends nod, Spencer carried on, “We had sex and then the next day, it was just business as normal. I don’t know what hurt worse. Kayce marrying Monica or Lee doing that. And honestly, Beth, if Lee would have said the word, I would have stayed no questions asked.” Without waiting for a reaction from her best friend, the girl turned to shut the door to shower in semi-peace.

Beth waited until the shower was on fully and she could hear Spencer singing along to the Elvis song that was playing on the Bluetooth speaker before she picked up the phone to call her brother with every intention of cussing him out. If he had manned up and done something about it, then Spencer wouldn’t have had to run to the East Coast and stayed away longer than Beth herself had.

Not doing anything right or about their feelings seemed about right with her brothers. Lee threw himself into his work at the ranch. Kayce joined the military and Jamie, well he was a whole different sort that she really tried not to figure out.

She dialed her oldest brother’s phone number, her anger getting the best of her.

It rang once, twice, and then Lee's voice filtered the room. "What Beth?"

"You fucked Spencer then left her?!"

"She is here?"

"Of course she is idiot! Her dad is getting married! She is the maid of Honor." She had seen the series of pictures from Spencer's Instagram of Spencer, Leighla, and several others going shopping in New York for the bridal fittings and knew that she was taking part in the wedding as the maid of honor, and for once she was happy that her friend was in the same time zone, it was going to make their weekly facetime calls so much easier.

"You need to make this right Lee, her boyfriend is here and he is." The unspoken words about Spencer's relationship hung in the air. The whole Dutton family knew about the man who was with Spencer and how much her father and stepmother hated him. On more than one occasion John had encouraged Lee to go out to Yale and get Spencer.

But for whatever reason Lee refused. Now, though, there was silent hope that he would do something about this. "You need to man up and do something before that son of a bitch kills her." The water shut off and Beth quickly disconnected the call and popped the cork on the bottle. She quickly filled two glasses and was ready to hand one over when she came into the room.

***

Lee was uncomfortable wearing the fancy clothes that his brother Jamie made him put on and even more so when he was surrounded by other people like his younger brother.

"Stop fidgeting.' John ordered in his ear, he had just come back in from the barn with Spencer's father and uncle, "We don't have to stay long."

"But I hope you stay long enough to visit with me Uncle John," Spencer's voice came from the stairs behind them and Lee felt his heart leap to his throat, she was even prettier than in his memories or in the pictures that he saw on Jamie's Instagram feed.

"Spence." His father greeted her as she came down the rest of the steps and into his arms for a hug. He lifted her off the ground and pressed a kiss to a cheek.

"The North looks good on you," Jamie added as he pressed his own kiss on her other cheek.

"Sure also raging asshole does too." She returned before letting Rip greet her.

"Don't start with that Rip." She started as if she knew what the enforcer was going with before he even started. She wasn't in the mood to deal with it and she wasn't in the mood to deal with her boyfriend pouting that he got his ass handed to him by her family.

"Not until after the weddin'." 5 hours back in Montana and she had already slipped back into the old Spencer, she wondered if this was how Ryder felt when she went back to Charming.

Lee could feel almost how she steeled herself as she turned to look at him. "Hey, Lee."

"Hey, angel." He returned, his feet carrying him over to her and to do the same greeting that his father and brother did but her head turned at the last second and their lips met in a brief kiss.

"I am sorry.' She started but he waved her complaints away before looking over her head at the man who was coming down the stairs behind her. "Release her."

"Who the hell are you to demand anything?" Rip asked, from what he gathered from Beth and from what he heard from Spencer herself, he knew who it was and to him, the Abbotts as well as the Duttons were his family now and he would go to any lengths to protect his family.

"I am Lewis. Her boyfriend." Lee's hand tightened on Spencer's hip and he pulled her closer to him and Rip took a step forward standing in front of them.

"Oh come on Grace," Lewis complained, he wasn't smart enough to go towards her in the middle of a group of protectors.

Especially ones that looked ready to kill him at second notice.

"Why don't you and I go and have a talk." John demanded, "And let Spencer and the boys catch up." "Who the hell are you?" The smaller man asked, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

"Lewis, this is John, he's my father's best friend and my godfather," Spencer answered, all too familiar Spencer Abbott's smirk was starting to form.

"This is Rip Wheeler." She went on, still firmly being held by Lee and Jamie who shifted ready to defend them if need be, "He works for Uncle John and is basically the right hand for him and Lee."

Lee's fingers dug into the shiny black material of her dress, in an effort not to fully lose his temper. "This is Jamie, he is the reason why I went to Yale and became a lawyer." Her hand that wasn't holding onto Lee's wrist squeezed Jamie's free one.

"And this is Lee.'

There was a realization of who Lee was dawning on Lewis' face and that barely held-on temper snapped he took massive steps forward only to be pushed back by Rip who was furious. As far he was concerned, Spencer was family and he was going to do anything and everything he could to protect her.

"Do not touch her!" He spat as Lee slowly moved away from the group, he wanted to defend her and handle Lewis but his first and only concern was Spencer and her safety. "Lee, take her into the dining room." Frank commented, "Leighla and the girls are waiting for her."

"Yes sir." Lee returned as he turned them around and steered her towards the rapidly filling dining room, casting angry looks at anyone who dared to get too close to them

"How bad is it Spence?" He asked as he pulled her chair out for her, he was already sitting at the table but he was going to take Lewis' seat to sit next to her. And the man could deal with it if he even came in from the barn.

"Bad. Rhett almost gutted him like a fish." She answered. The older Dutton son undid the button on his jacket and sat down next to her, his arm settling on the back of her chair. "He came out to the ranch in Wyoming to get me after my visit and lost his shit on me.” She shifted so she was sitting closer to him, ‘Rhett and Perry talked me into doing a barrel race. And I went down hard. Bruised my hip and thigh.” Lee met his sister’s eyes and saw the furious way that the muscle in her jaw was working, of course, Beth knew more than what she was letting on.

She normally did and now like always it was going to be up to him to get to the bottom of it and save Spencer. Like he should have years ago.

#ash writes #series: current state of affairs #yellowstone fan fiction #yellowstone tv show imagines #yellowstone imagines #yellowstone tv show fan fiction #lee dutton imagines #lee dutton fan fiction #rhett abbott fan fiction #rhett abbott imagines #crossover fics

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fandom-imagines · 2 years

Text

Chapter Two

Karl Heisenberg x Reader

The fourth Lord, and the most dangerous was what was running through her head, yet Y/N wasn’t afraid. Her gun was still pointed towards him, yet he didn’t care and continued smoking his cigar; it was as though he didn’t care much for the silent threat, which, in all honesty, he didn’t.

Y/N watched as the scruffy Lord raised an eyebrow. “Where is she!?” Her words were demanding, but he simply chuckled.

“You’re going to have to be more specific,” whilst hers were demanding, his words were teasing and they were testing her patience.

“Tell me where my sister is, asshole, or I swear I will blow your brains out.”

“I’m flattered, truly, but you should know that I can kill your quicker than your silly little gun will kill me.” Karl smirked, shrugging his shoulders as he tossed his cigar to the ground, stamping on it to put it out fully.

Without moving her gun which was pointing at his head, Y/N spoke again. “Where. Is. She?”

Her gun was almost against his temple, her finger ready to pull the trigger at any given moment, all whilst he simply chuckled, finding it most amusing and oddly cute at how unafraid she was; it was a nice change from the other humans being terrified of his mere existence.

“You won’t kill me,” he taunted, “You need to know what I do.”

With one final glare, she finally holstered her gun. “Fine.”

The smirk on his lips widened at her never wavering anger. Even when she didn’t have a weapon in her hands, she wasn’t afraid, not to mention, she could probably fight anyone who tried to harm her with few exceptions, him being one of them.

Now that she was no longer threatening him, he didn’t exactly know what to say. He didn’t even know exactly where her sister was, and didn’t know whether he wanted to help her at all, but then again… she could be exactly what he needs.

“I have a deal,” he said, “you help me with what I need, and I’ll help you with finding your sister or whatever.”

“What do you need?”

“I need you to help me take down to bitch who took your sister.”

“,,,Deal.”

The walk to the factory was painfully awkward. No matter how much Heisenberg wanted to break the silence to ease the tension, he couldn’t bring himself to, nor did he know what to say. Y/N, who was still unsure as to his true intentions, didn’t exactly want to talk to him, knowing that he could possibly have some involvement in Abigail’s disappearance. She just hoped she was all right, but something in her gut was telling her otherwise, but she couldn’t abandon hope, not until she found her.

“Where are we even going?” Y/N asked, seeing nothing around them besides trees,

“My factory,” Karl said, glad that she had finally spoke. “It’ll be easier and safer to talk there. No risk of us being watched or heard.”

His words confused her. Wasn’t he one of those in charge here? And who is the bitch he was referring to? All these questions were something that she had forgotten to ask considering the mention of information on her sister.

Silence was her chosen response and Karl was incredibly thankful that they were nearing the factory so they could finally have a conversation about everything. He had no idea what to say to her, though. It wasn’t like he could feed her false information, that wouldn’t be fair and even Karl had some morals left, especially for someone as caring as her, even if the care wasn’t directed towards him. Oh how he wished someone would care for him that way… Although he was quick to snap away from those thoughts; now wasn’t the time.

The factory, which was now in view, amazed Y/N. She had heard rumours about the village, mainly from her job at the BSAA, but she had never expected there to be a factory as big and as beautiful as this, especially not one which belonged to the awkward and messy looking man beside her. She wasn’t given much time to admire the place, however, considering how on-guard she felt, ready to whip out her gun and shoot the strange man or other enemies at any given moment.

Inside the factory impressed her as much as the outside. It was big on the inside, but felt even bigger once she was inside. Karl, who looked just as unsure as he did a few moments ago, offered her a seat in one of the rooms that she had followed him to; she wasn’t sure whether to accept or not, but decided to do so considering how much he seemed to want her on his side, yet she wasn’t entirely sure why.

“Right,” Heisenberg began, clearing his throat, mainly to give him chance to think through what he was going to say, “are you in or not?”

“Will it help me find my sister?”

“Yes. I don’t know exactly where she is, but I know who took her, is that enough?” He was silently praying that it would be, the praying becoming more desperate as she seemed to debate whether to side with him or not.

“I guess so.” She said. “It’s not like I have any other leads.”

The quiet sigh of relief didn’t go unnoticed by Y/N who became curious at how desperate he was to take down whoever had his sister. She wanted to know his backstory and why he hated them so much.

“Miranda, Mother Miranda, whatever you want to call her. That’s who took your sister and who we’re going to destroy.” He explained, keeping it short so he didn’t have to explain exactly why, but she wasn’t going to let him off that easily.

“Why? I mean, I know why I need to, but you? Isn’t she the one who you work for?”

“I should’ve know you would ask.” Karl laughed, yet there was no humour behind it. Y/N raised an eyebrow and he huffed; he had no choice, but he couldn’t tell her too much. “She took me here, no matter how much I didn’t want to.”

The seated woman’s eyes widened, unsure what tot say. “I’m sorry.” Was all she could muster up and they fell into an awkward silence when he didn’t verbally reply, just nodded. “Then, lets do this. Justice for you, and I get back Abigail.” After her words, she smiled at him for the first time and he smiled back.

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nymphadorajulia · 2 years

Text

my reaper

Sn has been captured by the reapers and Carver takes the initiative to find out where his group is hiding, but things change and he tries other methods to get you to talk but little did he know that his group threw her to her death.

Carver: Tell me where your group is.

He demanded You winked at the arrogant idiot, your future assassin,

Y/n: I don't have a group.

You spat, blood dripping from your lips.

Carver: You could make this a lot easier if you'd just tell me where they are.

His eyes burned with anger. You didn't care about his welfare; you knew he wasn't going to let you live and you had accepted that.

Without another moment of silence, he smacked her across the face again, causing blood to splatter from her mouth.

Carver: I can do this all day.

you laughed, causing him to give you a disapproving look.

Carver: Me too honey, and I'll have so...

he approached.

Carver: very...

he then knelt in front of her face.

Carver: fun.

He pulled his lower lip between his teeth, that expression alone turning you on a little.

Carver: Tell me where they are... how many are there?

he gripped your jaw tightly, the pain of his blows making you hiss in pain.

His eyes roamed from her parted lips to her dark brown eyes, taking in her beautiful features.

Y/n: I'm alone.(you said this more in your head via the image of you being thrown by your ex group to the zombies or rotten under the gates of Alexandria knowing they must die)

You swallowed, feeling blood and drool running down your chin. His fingers dug. She was on the wooden handles of the chair, the rope tight around her wrists digging into her skin.

His eyes roamed over her face, slowly over her neck until her eyes were glued to his chest. The button-down shirt apparently lost a few buttons during its capture, so more than you'd like it to be exposed, but you really didn't care anymore.

He reached her side and pulled his big knife up, dragging it lightly over his dirty jeans and down to his stomach, resting the knife above the skin of his chest,

Carver: Are you sure about that?

His eyes darkened, and before you could respond, he plunged the knife into the fabric of your shirt along the buttons and cut all the way down, exposing your bra to him. You watched him intently as he held the blade between the middle of your bra, lightly cutting through the agonizingly slow material, your dark eyes meeting his.

Carver: I'll be back tomorrow.

He smiled, releasing the knife from his bra, and straightened up.

Carver: Good night.

He laughed, patting your face lightly before walking out of the cell and turning off the light, leaving you alone in the pitch black.

You couldn't sleep, especially in the situation you were in, and you couldn't break free from the ropes to free yourself, so you were stuck waiting to see if the next morning would be your last life.

Hours later, the man returned, a terrifying mask covering his face, but you knew it was him from his height, build, and hair. You swallowed hard as you watched him hold a knife in one hand and a pistol in the other.

Y/n: You don't scare me.

You bowed your head.

He silently approached you when he was directly between your legs, the mask looking at you. he pointed the gun at your head, and you couldn't help but close your eyes, thinking that this was finally the moment he would finish you.

Carver: Look scared at me.

You could tell he was smiling under the mask, and you blinked back and looked at him. He dragged the pistol to your temple, the cold metal making you nervous, and he continued to run it down your cheek until he got to the side of your lip, where he parted your lips.

Y/n: Wh-

you tried to say it, but the word came out muttered as he pushed the gun past your lips and into your mouth, silencing you behind the mask.

With another swift movement, the knife sliced through the rest of her bra fabric, exposing her bare chest to the cold air of the cell. You groaned around the gun, struggling in the uncomfortable chair to try to get the ripped clothing off the button to cover your breasts, ultimately failing.

Carver: Ready to chat now

he antagonized, running the blade over her delicate skin, leaving a small gash across her chest.

Y/n: ohh

You groaned at the sting. His eyes darted to his front, where you could see his erection through his pants, then back to the mask. He pulled the gun from his mouth, a drop of drool coming out of the metal gun.

Carver: You really like that, don't you.

Your head tilted as he gripped your hair tightly, holding your head in place as he knelt between your legs, tucking the gun back into the holster around his belt, you swallowed, wondering what your next moves would be,

Carver: I have some ideas on how to solve this little problem.

He stood up and quickly undid his belt, pulling on his black cargo pants just enough to expose his rock-hard cock, the size taking you with him. completely by surprise.Carver: You bite and barely cut your throat.The tightness in your hair tightened as he basically pushed his cock between your lips, shocking you as he thrust in and out of your mouth, hitting the back of your throat and making you gasp. His nails dug into the wooden arm as his instinct was to grab your thighs as you sucked his cock.His moans under the mask were incredibly hot, and they turned you on completely, helping you feel more emotionally comfortable in this situation, not that he'd let you in physically. free and cut the rope from your wrist, slicing your skin once more and making you cry against his cock, heightening your pleasure and pleasure.But you ignored the pain and instantly grabbed his cock and started stroking along with sucking, making him moan more.Carver: Good girl.He groaned, continuing to grip her hair. Tears mixed with the drool on your chin as you took most of his length into your mouth, his cock throbbing between your lips.

Carver: Be a good girl and I won't kill you.he spat, slashing the rope on his other wrist, thankfully not cutting his skin this time.

Carver: Take off your clothes, now.he demanded, smacking her cheek, not enough to really hurt her, but enough to draw some blood into her mouth.You stood up, trying not to fall to the floor due to your wobbly and unsteady legs, and then pulled your dark jeans down along with the black panties you were wearing. Your masked face tilted a little once more as you stood naked in front of him, the cold air pinching your skin.His big hand grabbed your arm and pushed you across the room to where you thought you were going to fall to the floor until your stomach found the wooden table behind where you were sitting. He kicked her legs open and quickly crushed her upper body to the table, causing screams to escape her lips.Carver: Shut up.He groaned, positioning his tip against her soaked core.Before you could say anything, he slammed his entire length inside you, making you scream in pain due to his size you were definitely not used to.

Y/n: Fuck! you yelled, grabbing the side of the table as he hit you. You had never been taken like this before, not like you were taken many times, but never like this, and you enjoyed every second of his torture, you knew he wasn't going to let you live even after this.His constant dangerous jabs were making you crumble under his rough touch, your weapon still in one hand braced on the table and the other pushing your face hard against the offensively cold table.

Carver: I just might have to keep him close.he groaned with a dark laugh followingCarver: Using you as my personal fuck toy.breath, a guttural moan escaping his lips.

Carver: Do you want this? Huh? You filthy bitch.He laughed, the sound of their skin slamming against each other along with their moans and screams filling the room.

Y/n: You couldn't keep me.You laughed at the table.

Y/n: Nobody can.With one swift movement, he pushed her so her bare ass was sitting on the edge of the table, her legs still spread for him as his arousal oozed from her core.

Carver: Just wait and see.He said hungrily, darkness filling his eyes through the mask, and without even looking down, reconnected the two of you, where he continued to pump sinfully into you.When his thumb pressed hard against his clit, you groaned, knowing that if he continued this brutal torture, you would completely come undone.

Y/n: ahhh, shit.You groaned, holding tight to his forearm and with the other arm resting behind you to keep him steady.

Carver: The second you come, you're mine.He hissed dangerously, causing shivers to course through her body as he sensually massaged her slit, causing a mixture of screams and moans to pass through her parted lips.

Y/n: Y-you feel so good.you cried, digging your nails into his arm, him whistling in reaction to the pain you were causing him as he drew some blood, making you laugh.You could hear a little chuckle under his mask, confirming that he was enjoying everything... how a little sick, you thought, but you were in the same boat, you were enjoying it more than you realized, all parts, except for the assurance that you weren't going to survive this or, if you did, you'd be living down here waiting for more sick sex, but you've pushed that out of your mind for now.You slowly reached out to where the mask was and tried to remove it, wanting to see his face, but he stopped you, grabbing his hand and knocking. the-a painfully on the table, making you cry even louder.But that didn't stop you from trying again, consciously pushing your luck, you reached out again carefully and pulled the mask, this time it didn't stop you, he let you take off the scary mask and you put it on the table behind you Watching their expressions, the way his brows furrowed in pleasure, his lips parted as he let out little moans.He seemed to start rubbing your clit harder than before because you felt yourself approaching orgasm.Y/n: I-I-you moaned, closing your eyes tightly.Carver: Look at me.He demanded, and you obeyed and looked at him, feeling the heat fill your body, your moans and screams filling the room as your body was engulfed in pleasure, sending shockwaves through your body as he thrust hard along yours. orgasm, leaving you gasping against his clothed chest, his arms now holding you tight against his body as he continued to pound into your core, his thrusts getting sloppy, showing he was approaching his orgasm as well.You pulled your face away and looked at him, watching his face as he writhed in pleasure, your eyes never leaving his as he rode his orgasm inside you, leaving you breathless and exhausted.He pulled back, his length slowly sliding out of you, but his eyes never leaving yours, he didn't seem to know what to say, and truth be told, neither did you.You felt his seed drip off you and looked down to see his cum dripping from the table onto the concrete floor.Carver: We uh, we have plan b. he swallowed, pulling his pants up and fastening his belt. "I'll bring you some clothes." He said taking some keys out of his pocket and opening the cell door behind him, gesturing for you to go inside.You didn't know what happened, everything changed in a split second, he wasn't being as cruel as he was before the two of you had sex, or as arrogant as he normally was, it was a strange feeling. But you got up from the table, your seed running down his legs as you tried to cover his chest, past him and into the small cell.He closed it behind you and quickly disappeared, leaving you alone in the dark cell once more, this time more confused about what was going to happen to you.

GRADES

• chapter 1 . Let me know what you think and what you hope to see in the future, I'll love to read the comments.

• don't forget to vote and interact which encourages me a lot to continue and know that you are enjoying it.

• Sorry for any spelling mistakes I always proofread before posting but there's always one or the other that goes unnoticed.2216 words

#barndoncarverx reader carver x reader alex meraz x reader alex x reader

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shushxo · 17 days

Text

If you had any self accountability than throwing unnecessary resentful daggers at me.

We could have grown together for this chapter.

You think it was easy for me absorbing your pain? resentment? anger?

You think it was easy feeling burn out and having imposter syndrome at work & school and adjusting to living in your space without having ANY space for myself for so long WHILE being a secret from everyone we love? You think it was easy for me to see you ignore my needs, my pleas for collaboration, my trials at connection, and forgiveness but look aside that and work towards the pathetic flaws you saw of mine? You think it was easy being told my interests and routines had no place here, you think it was easy combing through my own thoughts and impulses and training myself to breathe or remind myself forgiveness is effort, I know you saw how much I was changing for the better. That took intentional effort and time for a greater cause, us. I saw my pathetic flaws and I was committed to becoming better for myself and for us.

But you couldn’t? You choosing resentment, easy. You pointing the fingers at me, easy. You not being able to answer the same questions you force on me, easy. You not respecting that we can have different approaches to the same goal and can have our own interests, your way only- easy. Deflect, not process, not think, yell your surface level communication, say we don’t have anything in common, don’t self evaluate, don’t forgive, play the victim loop, sorry but no behavior changes all this time, runaway and start over, easy.easy. easy.

The guy I fell in love with and the guy that was there for YEARS would have chose to fight easy, and fight for the evolution of ourselves for each other.

When did he leave for good? a part of me thinks you would have had to change and grow up once we started holy sessions because you can’t hold on to such negativity in such a high order. And you weren’t ready to do that. even as you sit there saying we wanted different things, you also see that you ignored my compromises, my growth to have us both get what we want out of life. You couldn’t understand and believe me? You didn’t see who I was today and you could barely see yourself and you couldn’t see how things were impacting us and I ALWAYS kept thinking about us and YOU. “Move to LA? Give me a plan, go even do it and I’ll follow and always support, I’ll freeze to give us options in the future.” Remember that? You convinced yourself we were incompatible without doing the work to be compatible. Don’t you get it? We both had our human flaws and could have worked on it if you had the intention, that’s commitment.

Instead you literally chose your anger and fear versus growth and understanding. It’s quite sad because you stepped away from love by stubbornly clinging to your frozen state.…you made a decision for yourself vs. you’re going to choose to level up yourself & grow which is needed for ANY relationship (fam friends love)

Think, is this now giving you the sense of control you needed? Lone wolf it out that’s healthy right?

I hope you take the time to understand yourself, to be honest with yourself, to actually open growth & adulting, && to heal enough to truly feel a love again like I did for you. I hope you don’t continue to deflect and hide for your sake.. Or you know what you’ll find someone “easier”, sure.

I’ll never be the same in the way I love.

“It was momentary. It was legendary. It was unnecessary”

#runaway

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besaem · 1 year

Text

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐶𝑂𝑀𝐸𝑆 𝐸𝐴𝑆𝑌 …

𝐉𝐀𝐍.𝟏𝟓𝐭𝐡 – 𝐀𝐏𝐑. 𝟏𝟗𝐓𝐇, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 // 𝚃𝚁𝙰𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙴 𝙹𝙾𝚄𝚁𝙽𝙴𝚈 Saem’s journey from initial probationary contract offer, to full-trainee contract signing … 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 1,910 words

It had been three days since Saem had received the probationary contract offer, and he still had not signed it. However, he’d already made up his mind, he just had to speak to his parents. That morning, he’d awoken earlier than usual to make an especially nice breakfast, perhaps to butter them up a little. He’d meant to talk to them as they ate, hoping the addition of good food would make it easier all round, but he’d felt as thought he had food stuck in his throat the entire time he ate. No matter how hard he tried to formulate the sentences in his brain, when it came to speaking them aloud, he felt as though he’d had his voice stolen.

Breakfast came, and went, without a mention of the contract. So, Saem tried another tactic. He invited his parents out for a pre-lunch stroll around the local park. Getting out and stretching their legs might make things easier, the fresh air and cold breeze might shock him into simply blurting it out. Yet, around the park they walked, and back home, bundled up in their coats, and still, he’d not told them. He was beginning to get desperate, as the sun began to set and he’d still said nothing.

But finally, over a dinner Saem had made, he cleared his throat and, in the silence that followed as his parents looked to him expectantly, he realised he just had to do it. “I’ve been offered a training contract at an entertainment company.” He begins, and as he pauses, to watch their initial reactions, he relaxes a little—he reads nothing but confusion on their faces, and confusion is far better than anger. “A few weeks ago, a man approached me on the street and invited me to audition at a company, and... I did. I didn’t think anything would come of it, but they offered me a three month probationary contract this week.”

Finally, his mother speaks. “What does that mean? A probationary contract?”

“It’s a bit like a trial run, to see if I’m cut out for it. If I did well, they’d offer me a full contract after that.” Saem’s sweating a little now, his palms clammy. He sets down his chopsticks and rubs his palms on his thighs, then reaches for his water to take a nervous sip, still unsure as to what their reaction is going to be once they fully understand what he’s saying.

“And this is what you want? To train to be an... idol?” His father asks, his tone measured, giving nothing away.

“Yes.” Saem replies simply, the strength behind the word surprising even himself.

“You never mentioned wanting to before.” There’s a concerned furrow between his mothers brows, and she too take a slow sip of her drink. Both of them seem to be processing the news—Saem can practically see their brains whirring.

“You wanted me to work for the funeral parlour. I didn’t want to disappoint you, or seem ungrateful. I’m sorry for springing this on you, and if you really don’t want me to do it, I’ll turn down the contract. I don’t know why I auditioned in the first place-”

“Saem,�� His father cuts him off, a stern expression etched into the faint lines in his skin. “I’m sorry if you felt we weren’t giving you the option to choose your future, that was never our intention. That was never my intention. Of course, I wanted you to come and work for the funeral parlour, but if I’d known that wasn’t what you wanted, I’d have supported whatever other path you’d wanted to take, son. You showed such great promise in music and dance, we know how much it meant to you. We were surprised when you stopped, honestly. I just assumed you’d grown out of it.” There’s a furrow in his father’s brow, one that suggests a shadow of guilt passing over him. “If this is what you truly want, we know you’ll give it your all. We want you to be happy, son.”

And for the first time in Saem’s life, he realises just how very wrong he read his parents all these years. He’d prided himself on being able to understand people, and what they thought, and felt, until now. He’d been reading everyone but his parents. He’d seen in them only what he expected to see, not what was truly there. His hands, clasped around each other in his lap, begin to shake as he swallows the lump in his throat, blinking back the sharp sting behind his eyes. He’s not sure what to say—his head seems filled with static all of a sudden. But, his parents wait patiently for him to speak again, and when he does, his voice sounds just a little thicker than before.

“Thank you...” This wasn’t how he thought the conversation would go, and he’s wholly unprepared for this outcome. “I may not make it past the probationary training. It’s a notoriously difficult company to get into, or stay in, for that matter, so would it be possible to... only temporarily fill my position in the parlour for three months, and then see what happens?” He’s asking a lot, he knows, and it’s terribly selfish of him, but the thought of not having a job to return to should he not pass the probationary period makes his stomach churn with dread.

“Of course, Saem. We can handle things just fine without you for a while, and if we have to permanently, well, I’ll celebrate it. It’ll be a great thing for you, I’m sure. If this is what makes you happy, then I’m happy. We’re happy.” His parents smile at each other in agreement. Saem wonders, for a moment, if this is a dream. It seems far too good to be true. How could he have gotten his parents so wrong? The people he’d lived with his entire life, should know as well as himself. Yet they’d surprised him more than he ever thought they could.

It’s difficult for him to understand—that his happiness, regardless of where it came from, meant their happiness. Logically, he gets it, but at the same time, it goes against everything he’d ever believed about a parent-child relationship, and the expectations that hung over the child, to repay their parents by doing what would make them happy. What is Saem meant to do if what makes his parents happy, if him being happy, when Saem isn’t sure he’d felt wholly happy since he was in single digits. He’d lost the part of himself that could feel entirely happy. In fact, he’d lost so much of himself over the years that he’s not sure he really knows who he is anymore. Is there even a him to know?

“I’m planning to sign the contract tomorrow.” He finally says, staring down at his plate, still ashamed of his selfishness, despite all his parents had just told him. It simply won’t line up in his brain—he needs time to process this new reality.

“We’ll go out to dinner tomorrow night, then. To celebrate.” His mother declares, and Saem can do nothing but stare at her incredulously. “Oh, don’t look so shocked, Saem. Did you really think we wouldn’t be happy for you?”

If Saem were to be truthful, his answer would, of course, be ‘absolutely’, but somehow, now that feels too harsh, so he simply shakes his head, as though to express his uncertainty. At least he knows there’s one part of himself that his parents reaction to he’s certain of. One part of him he can never tell them about. At least some truths will remain the same in his head.

𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙴𝙴 𝙼𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙷𝚂 𝙻𝙰𝚃𝙴𝚁 …

They’d had it penned into the calendar on the kitchen fridge, so he’s not surprised when he receives a text on the morning of April 18th asking him to call that evening, no matter how late, with the news. His parent’s support still hadn’t sunk in. Three months had gone by, and Saem had repaid their kindness and understanding by avoiding going home in favour of spending his nights with a man his parents simply could not know about, despite the growing desire in Saem to just tell them. He’d gone, in his mind, from the perfect son, to the most selfish son to ever exist. Is he happy being a trainee? It’s easy enough to answer—yes, he’d never been this happy working in the funeral parlour, and yet he can’t say he’d wholly happy with other aspects of his life.

He’s happy at night, with him, and during training. He’s happy with friends on his day off, happy with his progress, his prospects, and yet he’s got this gaping hole in his chest, a constant reminder that he chose himself over his parents. They say they’re happy if he’s happy, but how he can be happy when he’s keeping secrets from them, when he’s not happy because he can’t be himself entirely without hurting them. His very fundamental truths would tear them apart, so he can never be happy. Somehow, his mind tells him that’s selfish.

But, he does as they ask, and when he finally leaves the office after signing his full trainee contract, he calls them first.

“So? How did it go?” His father asks, and Saem can picture his parents sitting at the kitchen table, the phone between them on speakerphone.

“They offered me the full contract.” He doesn’t beat around the bush, or try and drag it out, he simply tells them. He isn’t expecting the heavy sigh of relief from his father, and high pitched ‘Oh, well done!’ from his mother. Their expressive joy at the news catches him off-guard, and yet it seems to unlock those emotions in him, too. He finds himself, finally, breaking into a bright smile. He hadn’t realised just how much he wanted this until right now, hearing them so happy for him. Knowing, even if he can’t understand it, that they support him.

“We knew you could do it, son.” He father says, and Saem bites his lip for a moment to try and contain all the emotions he’s feeling. He’s not one for showing his emotions, especially tearful ones, publicly—those are confined to his bedroom or the shower only. “Your brother said well done, too. He thinks you’ve ‘got the right look for it’.”

“Thank you. I can’t talk long, it’s getting late and I’ve still got training early tomorrow, but I’ll come over on Sunday.”

“Alright, I’ll cook your favourite! Gaeul will bring Minji as well.”

“Oh, it’ll be nice to see her again.” He’d not seen his brothers fiance in months, and he’d always liked her—she was the only one in their family who seemed to understand Saem. He could tell, even when she was just looking at him, she could see more of him than his parents and brother ever could.

They say their goodbyes, and then Saem stands in the silent corridor and once again, finds himself stunned at how wrong he had been about his parents. It was as though, with every positive emotion they showed about his career progression, the more Saem felt able to be happy for himself. He wonders if he’d been wrong about everything, if his parents wanted nothing but his happiness, no matter where that came from...

No, surely not. There are limits, and that is surely theirs.

#[ saem ; solo ]#[ solo ; nothing worth having comes easy ]#[ apr. 23 ]

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hypmicdaydreams · 2 years

Note

Hello! This might be a little tough so feel free to cut out any characters that you can't write for! May I request for scenarios (or general hcs if that's easier for you ) of yandere Ramuda, Jakurai and Samatoki? Thank you for your hard work!!

This was def interesting and super fun to write! Always do love me some good yandere characters, though I hope I was able to portray it well! I went with scenarios, and since you didn't give a specific prompt, I went with something different for each if that's fine! Thank you sm for the request anon, and I hope you enjoy 💕

-pairings: samatoki aohitsugi x gn!reader, ramuda amemura x gn!reader, jakurai jinguji x gn!reader

-genre: yandere

-word count (overall): ~2.3k

-content warning: yandere themes. please don't interact if you're uncomfortable with themes of manipulation, obsession, violence, unhealthy relationships, etc.

Samatoki (737 words): when someone interacts(?) with you

samatoki, in all of his aggression and recklessness, was always so impulsive, resorting to such great lengths to “protect” you, or so that’s what he preferred to call it anyway. he did tend to be quite the emotional one, acting on sudden urges without much of a second thought, nor a first thought at that. it was as if he was blinded when it came to your safety, stopping at nothing to ensure that you were still alright, directly by his side.

and you certainly did appreciate how he was always looking out for you and your safety, at least, that’s what you tried telling yourself. it was…a lot; samatoki always took it too far, all in the name of keeping you safe. no one was allowed near you, much less look or breathe in your direction, that is, without him standing right next to you, to ensure that no one dared to lay a hand on you of course. anyone that ever challenged that rule, gathered the courage to go against the all-powerful yakuza leader of yokohama, surely had what was coming from samatoki.

“you didn’t have to beat him up!” you cried, trying to argue against the brick wall that was your boyfriend. it was difficult to hold back the emotion in your voice, to calm the way your heart shook. this was the umpteenth time this exact scenario happened, samatoki beating up someone, anyone, that even interacted with you. you were getting sick of it. his bruised fists truly did tell a vile story, the sight ingrained in your memories. and from his connections with the police as well as the power he held being a part of the yakuza, he always got away with it. “all he did was greet me!”

“yeah?” his tone was always so…visceral, so livid. samatoki seemed constantly angry and on edge, and it definitely frightened you to an extent, the way his red eyes seemed to glow with a sort of rage, the frown on his handsome features striking fear at anyone that even looked its way. even around you, when he tended to be more soft and caring, his anger shook you to the core. you never wanted to make him so, even when it wasn’t directed at you in particular. it was simply frightening to see him in such a state. “i didn’t like the way he was lookin’ at ya.’” he took another breath of his cigarette as if nothing had happened. “i’m yer boyfriend after all.”

“but he didn’t do anything!”

when samatoki glared at you, you certainly felt daggers, a cold chill running down your spine. even when you heard him sigh, his gaze softening as he approached you, the adrenaline was still kicking in, your instincts telling you to book it. ah samatoki was always so scary in such moments.

“‘m doing it to protect you.” samatoki flicked the cigarette, putting out the dwindling flame with his foot. “i know their intentions, always seeming innocent and shit to lure ya in. i’ve dealt with bastards like them plenty of times.” you couldn’t find it in you to reject his embrace; the warmth and comfort you felt as he put a hand on your shoulder, no matter how much the anxiety in your stomach never withered away, did certainly feel good, and you wanted to believe in it. well…samatoki must be right. he was a part of the yakuza after all; only he could spot the signs. he was simply protecting you because he cared for you, loved you. you shouldn’t question him, instead only placing utmost trust in him. “i only want to protect ya.’”

you couldn’t say anything to that. now you felt terrible, knowing that he simply did all that to keep you safe. samatoki hadn’t meant any harm. and his warmth and touch now, oh how it felt amazing! so loving, the way he gazed at you, hearts apparent in his eyes. he truly was just trying to keep you out of harm’s way, and you owed him the world for it.

“i’ll try not to go…too far next time,” he muttered, stroking your hair, unable to hold back a small smile when he felt you release all that tension you had built up. he always did like you best when you were happy and comfortable right in his arms.

he never did follow up on those statements, however.

Ramuda (755 words): when you try to “escape”

“aww you’ve gotten so good at hide and seek!”

although ramuda was sounding as playful as ever, whining about how unfair it was that he may begin to lose, even as good as he was at such a game, you only felt a shiver run through your spine, unable to swallow the lump in your throat. you knew that you had angered him when you tried to hide from ramuda, perhaps even plotting a little escape, or at least, that’s what he called it. how could you want to be away from him! ah it was so heartbreaking, seeing as you want to leave him! he childishly cries. even when you assure him that wasn’t the case—you simply wanted to go out for a quick walk around the block—ramuda insists that it must be so, that you wanted to leave.

it was all a façade he put up, of course, able to hear the seething rage underneath all of it, your primal instinct of fear kicking in when you noticed the darkness in his eyes. gone were the beautiful blue ones that were filled with hearts, lovestruck at the mere sight of you.

“i won’t be able to find you next time.”

his voice deepened, the anger you were so afraid of leaking out. it never failed to make you regret your choices actually. and although you couldn’t see his face too well right now, unable to move much given that he was taking your measurements for an outfit he was making, you were sure they held that darkness to them. his strength grew as he pulled on the belt he put around your waist (you often were the mannequin used when he made clothes, though he preferred the term ‘doll’), letting up and muttering a playful ‘sorry’ in that usual voice of his when he saw you flinch.

you couldn’t really say much, opting to remain silent. the anxiety and fear were eating you up on the inside, beginning to feel a tad too nauseous as the pit in your stomach only grew the more you felt ramuda’s cold gaze on you. he truly was a force to be reckoned with when he showed this terrible side of himself, never failing to quiet you down or making you wish that you had never challenged him in the first place. it’s just that…well, ramuda could certainly be suffocating at times.

“i’m just scared of losing you,” he whined, though this time in a much more chirpy voice, perking up and returning to the character he played so well. ramuda surely didn’t want to startle you too much, maybe only rattle you a little, but only so that you get the message! he truly feared losing you, the only one to ever understand him, to make him feel human. of course ramuda would become clingy and too attached! you were so special and important to him! and he loved you so so much! “you shouldn’t wander shibuya streets alllll alone. i don’t want you to get hurt dummy!”

ah, now you felt a little bad. you knew how much ramuda relied on you, how much he clung to your side and never let go. you had comforted him many times before, stroking his hair while he lay in your lap, assuring him that he loved him too; you knew all too well how he depended on you, and it was hard to not curse yourself for hurting him in such a way. he was just…a little insecure, yeah, that’s it. you just had to help him work on himself maybe, to help better himself and not be so uh clingy, perhaps? that was what you could tell yourself anyway.

“done!” ramuda chirped once more, adding the finishing touches to the outfit, smiling all to himself when he saw how you looked. ah, you really were so beautiful, so pretty and adorable! no wonder he was so fascinated and awestruck with you. he really did have the best s/o.

you looked at yourself in the mirror, only able to stare. well, it definitely was ramuda’s clothes, had his charm to it. they were certainly colorful, perhaps so much so, and they were eccentric in their own way. it may or may not have been your style, though it didn’t matter too much. the anxiety in your gut only worsened when you saw yourself in the mirror after all.

“you’re such an adorable little doll!”

at times, you certainly couldn’t help but feel that way as well.

Jakurai (771 words): when you injure yourself

“oh, i see you’ve gotten hurt.”

jakurai always did seem like the most patient of people, always so calm and never letting his emotions get the better of him. his voice was so low and gentle, as if constantly tending to those that needed it; he was simply a healing person in and out, perfect for a man like jakurai, the best doctor among them all.

but you knew better than that.

you could sense the disappointment in his voice, the panic and slight fear. as calm and composed as jakurai may seem on the outside to the untrained eye, you could read him on a much deeper level; and right now, your boyfriend was panicking, his mind certainly in a bit of a frenzy, even when all you saw that even indicated an ounce of that was a small frown on his features.

jakurai simply despised it when you got hurt, absolutely loathed seeing such injuries, even something as small as a paper cut, on your delicate and perfect self. even the smallest and most insignificant of injuries can quickly turn sour. he was a medical profession after all, and jakurai knew more than anyone how it can become infected and poison you, how it could become life-threatening, how he could lose you from something like this. of course he’d be more than protective when it came to something like this! the world was a dangerous place after all.

“it’s nothing to fret over!” you tried to reassure, that sense of dread and anxiety you were all too familiar with boiling over as jakurai sat you down, examining the injury with a little too intense of a gaze (you had simply scraped your knee), and preparing the necessary medical supplies.

it never failed to make you feel worse about yourself, making the person you loved most worry excessively over you. ah you certainly felt bad for jakurai, having to deal with you, someone who didn’t care much for his health, or at least that’s what it seemed like from how overtly cautious he was with you. this was all your fault, surely? well, it’s not like jakurai had ever outright denied it.

“darling,” jakurai addressed, his gaze clear and sharp as he looked at you, the sincerity in his eyes. it served to make the hairs on your arms and back of your neck to stand up, the goosebumps on your skin becoming more clear. his gaze…it wasn’t as if there was something wrong with it but, well, you couldn’t help but be on alert when you were the subject of it. you weren’t too sure as to why honestly. “you’re hurt. this is something i must take seriously.”

the isopropyl alcohol he applied certainly stung, a little too much actually, and all he could do was mutter how you must endure it if you wanted to be all good and healthy. it won’t last for too long either way. and the bandage he wrapped around your knee was rather tight, perhaps to the point where you felt as if your blood supply was being cut off for a moment or so, so tight that it was, in fact, painful. he really did take your health seriously, too much actually.

“you shouldn’t do anything too reckless now,” jakurai mused, though from the tone of his voice, it sounded much more as if he was scolding you, saddened that you had gone out and hurt yourself. you felt it in your chest, his disappointment taking a toll on you. gah, you felt terrible, having made jakurai worry now. all he wanted was to keep you safe and out of harm’s way after all. perhaps it was for the best for you to stay home or areas where he can keep an eye on you; it’d certainly be the safest option, to ensure that you wouldn’t get hurt without medical aid nearby. “you should stay where i can see you.”

jakurai never wanted you to leave your side it seemed like. he always wanted to have an eye on you, y’know, to make sure that you were alright of course. he cared for you and loved you so much. if anything happened to you, well, he didn’t know if he could take it. he’d already lost someone near and dear in the past, someone he considered family. he wanted to prevent such a tragic thing from happening to you now, the one person he loved with all his heart, more than himself even.

“ok…”

he was simply doing this out of love and care for your being, you tried to tell yourself.

#asks #requests #hypmic #samatoki aohitsugi #samatoki x reader #ramuda amemura #ramuda x reader #jakurai jinguji #jakurai x reader #yandere #yandere cw #gender neutral reader #fics #short fics #hypnosis mic

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edenmemes · 3 years

Text

ghost of tsushima starters

❝ promise you’ll remain the good man i know. ❞ ❝ only fools have no fear of death. ❞ ❝ i am very much alive. but my patience is dying. ❞ ❝ i’ll make sure you are remembered. as a great warrior...a wise leader. ❞ ❝ the strength we need is all around us. ❞ ❝ the past cannot hurt you. ❞ ❝ this whole journey, and i never asked your name. ❞ ❝ fear drives you to be stronger. fight harder. ❞ ❝ sometimes...our only choice is to walk away from everything we know ❞ ❝ we do what we must. that is why you and i are both survivors. ❞ ❝ i can do good! i just...need practice. ❞ ❝ may your next life be more peaceful than this one. ❞ ❝ i knew it was too good to be true. ❞ ❝ i'll see what i can do. but if you’re lying to me... ❞ ❝ you’re too comfortable with that power. ❞ ❝ don’t ever try to kill me again. ❞ ❝ turn your back on a foe...and you will die with a sword stuck in it. ❞ ❝ youre not slipping away that easily. ❞ ❝ just stay closed. keep your sword sheathed. and let me do the talking. ❞ ❝ the things i saw still haunt my nightmares. ❞ ❝ i dont even know if you're real. ❞ ❝ victories don’t have to feel good. ❞ ❝ killing your own family...it’s harder than you could ever imagine. ❞ ❝ it’s safer for everyone if i just disappear. ❞ ❝ next time, leave some glory for the rest of us. ❞ ❝ peace doesn’t always come quietly. ❞ ❝ some people respond to kindness. others require a glimpse of steel. ❞ ❝ i am nothing if not honest. ❞ ❝ stop using people, and start thinking about how you can help them. ❞ ❝ you’ve had your vengeance. don’t stand in the way of mine. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to do it alone. ❞ ❝ not all words need to be spoken. ❞ ❝ there is time yet for revenge. i will savour their cries of pain when that time comes. ❞ ❝ i have learned to love the cool, damp dark. ❞ ❝ the last thing i saw was faces filled with hatred, rage... ❞ ❝ you didn’t think you'd get rid of me that easily, did you? ❞ ❝ we will celebrate when this is all over. ❞ ❝ what’s wrong with you? one moment we stand shoulder-to-shoulder, the next you’re ready to cross blades. ❞ ❝ a warrior learns from their mistakes, or they are buried by them. ❞ ❝ remember your training...and never leave my side. ❞ ❝ well...i guess this is goodbye. ❞ ❝ your visions will grow worse, driving you to madness and death. ❞ ❝ i can only pretend for so much longer. i’m not like these people and never will be. ❞ ❝ i loved you all my life, but i could never work up the courage to tell you. ❞ ❝ the proud do not last, and the mightiest of us perish like dust before the wind. ❞ ❝ you’re a vision of mercy. ❞ ❝ not bad, but only half-good. ❞ ❝ we make a good team, don’t we? ❞ ❝ an archer’s aim relies not on eyes...but on body, mind, and spirit. ❞ ❝ this is my fight. i don’t need your weapon. ❞ ❝ being right doesn’t always make things better. ❞ ❝ there is nothing easier than to prey upon the vanity of ambitious men. ❞ ❝ you weren’t looking so good. i let you rest. ❞ ❝ your intentions this time were...better than usual. ❞ ❝ what are you not telling me? ❞ ❝ trouble sticks to you like shit on rice. ❞ ❝ it’s strange being back after so many years...everywhere i look brings back memories. ❞ ❝ only a child expects perfection of their elders. ❞ ❝ when this is all over, what will you do? ❞ ❝ you are ruled by your emotion. ❞ ❝ is this how you want to be remembered? ❞ ❝ perhaps great men share all the aspects of their lessers, but more. great wisdom, but even greater cruelty. ❞ ❝ i cannot imagine the burden a leader like you must bear. ❞ ❝ our greatest enemies are the greatest teachers. ❞ ❝ death’s shadow embraces me. hand in hand we walk. ❞ ❝ breathe. you can’t fight if you hold your breath. ❞ ❝ i know you well enough by now, my friend. ❞ ❝ i can’t go back...to what i was. before this. ❞ ❝ i hope you one day forgive me for the choice i made. ❞ ❝ the wounds you dealt my spirit will never heal. ❞ ❝ why did you turn away from me? ❞ ❝ if you can keep moving forward, so can i. ❞ ❝ it’s a bad idea to sneak up on me. ❞ ❝ promise me something. don’t become like me. ❞ ❝ let me undo the damage i’ve done. ❞ ❝ ...and you want me to clean up your mess. ❞ ❝ the path ahead may take a lifetime, but i will walk it with you. always. ❞ ❝ whatever you believe i’ve become, i will always be your family. ❞ ❝ i wouldn’t be here without you. ❞ ❝ i’ll hunt you past the horizon if i must. ❞ ❝ can i count on you to do what needs to be done? ❞ ❝ that’s over now. you’re here. with me. ❞ ❝ i thought i’d lost you, i should’ve known you’d never give up. ❞ ❝ you can’t continue down this path. ❞ ❝ be careful. demons are everywhere and they fear nothing. ❞ ❝ corpses can’t answer questions. ❞ ❝ you deserve greater respect than this. ❞ ❝ it’s just like the stories my father told me. ❞ ❝ what you become tomorrow is your choice. ❞ ❝ just ask the last man who questioned my sincerity. you’ll find his head covered in flies out back. ❞ ❝ you shouldn’t have lied. i still would have helped you. ❞ ❝ we came this far. we’re not turning back now. ❞ ❝ how do we survive if we don’t trust each other? ❞ ❝ without my help, the fear and pain will overwhelm you. ❞ ❝ whatever happens, we don’t retreat. ❞ ❝ the stories are true. i’ve never seen anyone fight like you. ❞ ❝ see how the enemy fear you? you are a true warrior. ❞ ❝ you want to share a drink...with me? ❞ ❝ maybe you should’ve just ran away. like you always do. ❞ ❝ good people have nothing to fear from me. ❞ ❝ your promises are just like you. worthless. ❞ ❝ as you wish, since you asked so sweetly. ❞ ❝ i know better than to argue. ❞ ❝ i hope i can find quiet places like this one, untouched by war. ❞ ❝ we grew up together, but you threw it all away. ❞ ❝ it was so chaotic. i felt you grip my wrist and then nothing. ❞ ❝ desperation can bring out the demon in the best of men. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to leave without you, but...i can’t stay. i hope you understand. ❞ ❝ a grown man, and you still can barely sit still. ❞ ❝ and i heard you had no sense of humor! ❞ ❝ knowing and doing are different. ❞ ❝ trouble follows me everywhere. ❞ ❝ indulging violence weakens the warrior...like too much food or drink. ❞ ❝ i can always tell when you want to ask me something. out with it. ❞ ❝ i am proud to fight beside you. ❞ ❝ i didn’t nurse you back to health to watch you throw your life away. ❞ ❝ all i want...all i need is to start a new life. ❞ ❝ look twice and shoot once. ❞ ❝ i think they’re afraid of you. you can be...intimidating.. ❞ ❝ you don’t even try to hear me. it’s like talking to a stone. ❞ ❝ so you try to kill me? have you lost your mind? ❞ ❝ you’ve sacrificed everything. for revenge. ❞ ❝ we can’t let anger consume us. or blind us to our friends. ❞ ❝ there is only one way this ends. ❞ ❝ i gave you everything. and you threw it away. ❞ ❝ do not question my integrity again. ❞ ❝ your father would be proud. ❞ ❝ the worst one can do is take advantage of their own people. ❞ ❝ you follow trouble. you should ask yourself why. ❞ ❝ some of my favourite memories happened at this place. ❞ ❝ i told you this was a bad idea! ❞ ❝ keep fighting. we need people like you. ❞ ❝ are you the one who finally kills me? ❞ ❝ a warrior’s most important weapon is themself. lose control, and you risk defeat. ❞ ❝ first, get some rest. this is killing you. ❞ ❝ see that? i told you. there’s always hope. ❞ ❝ i hope the skills i gained through hardship can be of use to the people here. ❞ ❝ you have skill...but you nearly died rushing into battle. ❞ ❝ in the midst of battle, true leaders must stay rooted, stand firm. ❞ ❝ every time i get in a mess like this, i’m as scared as the time before. ❞ ❝ don’t be the next to disappoint me. ❞ ❝ save what we can, but know that everything passes away. ❞ ❝ i hope you understand, this is just a job. ❞ ❝ that’s a sad way to look at the world. ❞ ❝ seeing you like that...i’m still shaken up. ❞ ❝ sit with me a moment. ❞ ❝ doubt and indecision have destroyed armies. ❞ ❝ it’s so painful to...see you weighed down by sadness. ❞ ❝ on the slim chance some good comes of this...lead the way. ❞ ❝ you fought well, but we’re finished. ❞ ❝ the warrior’s mind is quiet but alive, like rustling bamboo. ❞ ❝ i’ve trained with a blade since i could walk. ❞ ❝ the visions...they’re still happening. ❞ ❝ in our world, being intimidating isn’t a bad thing. ❞ ❝ you have a talent. it’s time you use it, for the sake of our land. ❞ ❝ i've tried to teach you all i know...but you act more like a poet than a warrior. ❞ ❝ your path leads to madness and death. ❞ ❝ that’s twice you saved my life. ❞ ❝ these people stay because they believe in you. ❞ ❝ i didn’t choose this life. it was my only option. ❞ ❝ you came at me like i was your mortal enemy. almost broke my arm! ❞ ❝ i could use your help...in the fight ahead. ❞ ❝ you can be a little rough, but you have a good heart. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to kill you, stop! ❞ ❝ what’s wrong? afraid i’ll get more famous than you? ❞ ❝ war brings out who we truly are. ❞ ❝ take care where you place your faith. ❞ ❝ you seem lost in thought. ❞ ❝ i was getting tired of waiting for you. ❞ ❝ without my wisdom, you will lose your soul to madness. ❞ ❝ peace is an unattainable dream...but a dream worth fighting for. ❞ ❝ i’ve killed a thousand men. every death was sweet. ❞ ❝ what is the point of prayer when we are doomed? ❞ ❝ you’re like your father in more ways than you know. ❞ ❝ if you want my respect, earn it. ❞ ❝ and how many wars have you fought? ❞ ❝ you’re quite the butcher with that sword. ❞ ❝ people who sow chaos must be punished. ❞ ❝ i can’t help but wonder if you enjoy the violence. ❞ ❝ i kill only to protect our people. i think about that every time i reach for my sword. ❞ ❝ i'm sorry if my lack of skill offends. ❞ ❝ it’s the first time in days i haven’t felt like i was about to die. ❞ ❝ you fought like an animal...or a demon! ❞ ❝ there’s nothing more painful to me than a perfect bow...ineptly used. ❞ ❝ victory is won by warriors, not weapons. ❞ ❝ i couldn’t leave you to die. ❞ ❝ i made my choices. even knowing what they’ve cost me, i’d make them again. ❞ ❝ when’s the last time you slept or ate? ❞ ❝ you don’t get to give up. this land needs you. ❞ ❝ oh you pretend we are different, but we fight for the same thing. ❞ ❝ there are still places of beauty to remind us of what truly matters. ❞ ❝ true mastery begins where individual ego ends. ❞ ❝ a warrior faces danger with courage and resolve. this is how they endure. ❞ ❝ those stories...they're not entirely true. ❞ ❝ even the youngest warrior needs a full belly and a rested sword-arm. ❞ ❝ bad men are good at hiding their true natures. ❞ ❝ there is nothing left for me here. my hope is lost. ❞ ❝ i did what i had to. for you. ❞ ❝ forgive my manners. i spent all my time alone. ❞ ❝ is that any way to greet a visitor? ❞ ❝ if you continue down this path...you’ll be no better than the enemy. ❞ ❝ i am grateful for the times we share...but, i always want more. ❞ ❝ you lived your life in a castle. it made you soft. ❞ ❝ i used to know what i fought for... ❞ ❝ face them as a warrior with honour. not a monster. ❞ ❝ i don’t take lives, but i am not a coward. ❞ ❝ i wonder if i’ve crossed a line. ❞ ❝ you can’t expect everyone to understand what you’re doing, or why. ❞ ❝ your methods were brutal...impulsive...without honour. ❞ ❝ there’s plenty to fear without worrying about folktales. ❞ ❝ i hope you’ll find peace again soon. ❞ ❝ you do what you need to survive. and yet you despise others for doing the same. ❞ ❝ is that your excuse? your reason to kill? ❞ ❝ we have to keep pushing. even if it costs us our lives. ❞ ❝ cowards without honour deserve no mercy. ❞ ❝ i’ll fight beside you until the end. ❞ ❝ whatever happens, your forgiveness won’t change who i am. ❞ ❝ why should we settle for scraps when we deserve to be legends? ❞ ❝ only cowards strike from the shadows. ❞ ❝ the proud do not endure. the greatest of us fall in the end. ❞ ❝ perhaps some good will come of this. ❞ ❝ you will see nothing but death to the end of your days. ❞ ❝ legacy is more than a name. ❞ ❝ im sorry. i know what it means to lose family. ❞ ❝ one day we'll escape the endless wheel of suffering. ❞ ❝ is that a 'thank you'? ❞ ❝ i know what it means to be hunted. ❞ ❝ you personify fury and regret. ❞ ❝ that's all right. i want to hear you dig your own grave. ❞ ❝ either way, we’ve got nothing to lose. ❞ ❝ i’ve done what i can. the rest is up to you. ❞ ❝ forgive me, but you look fatigued. have you endured much hardship? ❞ ❝ i hope you find true honour in your next life. ❞ ❝ you deserve nothing less than death. ❞ ❝ this is foolish. surrender, and you can live. ❞ ❝ i too have pride in family. and i know what it’s like to live in their shadow. ❞ ❝ you were gone so long, i knew you were in trouble. ❞ ❝ so many of us here owe you our lives. ❞ ❝ what's wrong? what did they do to you? ❞ ❝ you’re lucky to be alive. ❞ ❝ i know your language. your traditions. your beliefs. which village to tame and which to burn. ❞ ❝ i cannot lose you again. ❞ ❝ i don’t seek revenge. but i will fight for peace. ❞ ❝ we will meet again soon. until then...travel safely. ❞ ❝ this is war --- not a test. ❞ ❝ we can save our home together. it doesn’t have to be like this. ❞ ❝ fear is a weapon. don’t let them use it against you. ❞

#rp meme #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #long post for ts /

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