#it’s so hard to live in a world without steve tho

[sunny-mercya]

Rough Day

Steve McGarrett x Male Reader

Fandom -> Hawaii Five-0

Masterlist

A sinking feeling, which had settled into the deep pit of Steve's stomach—making it rumbling and twirling in an uncomfortable feeling, almost like vomit (and maybe it is it)—had settled free a greedy needing—none temptation with the sickly sweet mind alluring whispers—just desperate urgency, to drink as much Whiskey and Rum—and perhaps any other hard liquor in a big mixing—tonight, till Steve blacks out into an alcoholic poisoned coma.

Stepping into his house, Steve kicked his shoes off—not caring to put them onto the rack, how's he supposed to do and should—venturing into the kitchen, discarding his gun and badge—tossing them with carelessly onto the counter, creating a echoing thud—Steve racked through the cupboard for his special glas.

Sighing out a heavy breath, Steve goes into the living room—Television still on, meaning his husband still awake and Steve dreaded it to face you—crouching down to the small cabinet, clicking off the child-lock and taking out the best looking bottle.

Steve poured himself some Whiskey before stopping halfway and deciding to drink straight from the bottle instead.

Sitting here on the carpet floor, staring at the television—some drama and romance series being shown—and Steve thinks, while taking two more gulps of the heavy throat burning vanilla coated liquor, just how rough his job could be sometimes and just how cruel this world in reality is.

Sometimes Steve also wonders if he should even continue with what he does—the job he loves to do for living, to bring justice and arresting criminals—having thought about to maybe go into another field career of job, something more less dangerous and harmful—in both, psychical and mental ways—like being a teacher at the police academy or some office job perhaps.

But those fleeting thoughts of another career—to have a more peaceful life and not putting his family in any sort of endangerment—are always pushed back into the depths of mind, never starting to occur back again in his daily routine—till today.

Steve didn't know himself how deep he was in the clusters of his racing mind—like a hurricane through a highway—and how many bottles of Whiskey and Rum he drank—while watching without any focus those shows on the television—but when he heard your voice, glancing at your direction, Steve thought you're nothing but a hallucinations and came to the conclusion he did drank more than just above average amounts.

~~~

Coming down into the living room—after comforting your youngest son from a nightmare and then hopping quickly into the shower—you were surprised to see Steve sitting there, because he normally greets you when he comes home.

What also surprises you—and causes a spark of worry—were the empty bottles of Whiskey and Rum next to him and Steves unfocused gaze.

Of course Steve does drinks sometimes—one to three glasses—be it either of celebrations—because they solved a case or took down a high ranking criminal successfully—or when one of his days did get a bit rough, but never in such a excessive amount.

Taking the empty bottles and the half-full one from Steve hands—he does protest about it, grunting in a whine—you walked into the kitchen, throwing them into the trash—giving a short glance at the open laying gun, before resuming back to Steve.

Sitting down next to your husband, patting his knee for attention—Steve doesn't respond tho, gaze still drawn to the television or the space next to it.

»You okay Steve?« you asked and when Steve turned his head to you—eyes brimming, the minimal lights made it look like a glistening, with tears—whispering a „No.“ you knew something must've happened at work to make Steve greedily chucking down liquor.

Putting an arm around Steve, you pulled him into a hug—caressing your fingers through his short hair, humming a bit to yourself and moving his head so it's laying against your chest.

»You wanna talk about it?«

»Today was such a shit show. Fucking protected a Teenager, but turned out that asshole was a murder.« Steve voice shook with up flaring anger, clutching onto you—balling his hands into fists.

Steve still felt the heaviness of burning vanilla on his tongue, mouth a bit drying out by now—licking over his lips, inhaling your fresh shower scent—it's a mix between his own soap and yours—fumbling with his mind, before he starts to retell about his day.

»And then when I looked through all these photos of the children, which had went missing and being killed off, by the that monster I even protected at first and I just....just—« Steve stopped, his voice shaking with every breath he takes—inhaling deeply and slowly, wanting to slow down his marathon beating like heart. To no avail.

The first sobs racked through Steve body and you pulled him closer to you—kissing his forehead, telling him—in whispers, softly—that it is okay to let it all out and not to feel fine.

»It's okay, Steve, it's all okay. I'm here, I'm here love.«

Seeing Steve—your ever so strong husband and who's a reservist Navy Seal's Commanding Commander—breaking down, like crystal glass, shots a stinging throbbing through your heart as Steve is a man who had never cried.

It's your turn now, to giving him the most attentional care and support you could give him, being there for him—just like he had done the many times before to you.

»....And I just...just got flashes of our own children.....and it just hit me, so damn hard, that they could be become victims too.« Steve voice faded out, sobbing even more—body racking with shudders and Steve curls up onto your lap like a newborn child afraid of the unknown world.

You might couldn't relate to these experiences and situations Steve has to go through everyday as your aren't a Cop or anything else in that category of job—although Steve likes to say, more than often and still wondering if he meant it teasingly, that you were born and trained to kill—but you could understand his fears and the anxiety Steve currently feels.

You always fear for your children, parents always does—but you told yourself as long as Steve is out there, doing his job, they will be a little safer than before—but Steve himself was constantly confronted with such scenes of what's to be feared, pressures and pushed back anxieties bouldering upon his shoulder—so Steve breaking down, crumbling into a mess, was bound to happen at some point.

~~~

It was around early morning, sun started to rise up every so slowly, when could convince Steve to move into the bedroom—a beds much more comfortable than the carpet floor.

Laying in bed—you had tucked Steve into blankets, before going under them yourself—you had taken Steve once again into your arms, holding close—not wanting him to feel as if he's alone with his problems.

Steve had cried himself into sleep, exhaustion from yesterday sweeping within—face red and blotchy with tears.

Maybe you could convince Steve to stay in today, having a day of rest—minds off from the work and body relaxing from the tensions—Steve deserved one, needed it.

Grabbing your phone, you searched for Danny's number—sending him a quick SMS, knowing Danny wouldn't mind and even agreeing to your request.

And when Steve woke up—with tiredness still weighing in his limbs and eyes heavy with sleep—he wonders why you haven't woken him up yet, considering that is after lunch now.

Getting out of bed, he sees your sleeping form next to his now empty space and his youngest children all cramped next to you—apparently a stay inn day, Steve muses.

Steve lets you sleep, walking out of the room and down into the kitchen—noticing his older kids being at home too and lounging around in the living room.

»Hey, why you all home and not in school? Also, why didn't someone wake me?«

»Pa said to let you sleep, saying you need some day off and we're having two days of family time«

Steve only hummed, making his way back up stairs—the minimal throbbing headache was a reminding recall of what he did yesterday and Steve felt a good level of embarrassment about it.

Getting back into bed—because some more sleep sounds like a good idea—Steve carefully moves the kids around, wanting to cuddle with you—appreciating your thoughtful gesture.

And Steve felt the most happiest to have you.

[lowkeiloki]

Could there be a good minecraft movie?

From the look of the trailer, it seems like the movie is gonna get every single thing it could possibly get wrong. They dont have faith in their audience to understand a plot taking place in a world so different from our own, so they go with the isekai plot, the single laziest direction they couldve taken.

But what would a good minecraft movie look like? It would be hard to pull off, but not impossible.

Firstly, most of us can all agree that a minecraft movie should not be live action, its a heavily stylized game and the real people in it look ridiculously out of place. the movie should stay fully animated and not overly detailed. Personally, i think the movie could look great in stop motion. Stop motion can really bring out the combination of cozy and spooky feeling that minecraft has.

what about the plot?

Minecraft is a very quiet and atmospheric game, there is no dialogue, everybody communicates, but nobody talks including steve. It's a sandbox game, because it lets you build and terraform and shape the world as you want and move towards the end goal at your own pace (if youre interested in completing the end goal at all). But also because throughout the game you're given bits and pieces of lore and you're the one to put them together to how you see them. Why are endermen hurt by water? What are creepers? Why are piglins so stingy about gold? Who built the pyramids and monuments? You don't get the answer, it's up to your own interpretation. Going back to the movie, it really should be low on dialogue. Steve could narrate the movie, but he never talks (like Spirit from "Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron). He sees an enderman and makes eye contact qith it which aggrevates it, he doesnt know why it aggrevated it, but from that experience he learns not to do that anymore and manages to co exist peacefully with them. If anyone talked in that movie, it should be alex (if shes even in the movie), but she doesnt talk a lot and nobody understands her language but steve who cant talk back. Communication is done through body language and actions, the visuals and the music (and i mean minecraft music) primarely tell the story.

What would it be about tho?

When we begin to play minecraft, we're thrown into the world with no manual or instructions, we're on our own empty handed, we go through the world learning how to craft, what to do with new items we find, which mobs are our allies and which our foes. I remember playing minecraft for the first time (actually quite recently, sometime after the nether update) and i was so confused and stressed because i had no idea what i was supposed to be doing, everything was strange and foregin and there was no guide on what to do. But as i got the hang ot it, as i started exploring and gathering materials and building my base it soon became fun and relaxing. The further i went, the more confident i felt. This is what the movie should be about. Being in this unknown world without anyone to guide you and the only way forward is to try and fail and try again and face the unfamiliar and get to know your surroundings. It should be about facing the fear of unknown, letting yourself fail, breaching out of the comfort zone, not finding your place in the world, but building it. It doesn't have to end with slaying the dragon, it can end with steve realizing he is not afraid anymore, that he has what he needs to feel comfortable and all the confidence to go forward. I feel like a lot of people that grew up with minecraft as kids are now young adults and a movie about being placed in a new environmemt where you're the one to take care of yourself and nobody guides you by hand would reasonate with them quite a lot

but, you know, i'm sure another jumanji clone with jack black starring as jack black in blue shirt will do the trick just as well.

[royalwriteroftheuniverse]

Returning the Stones

1-the goodbye

Just incase 18+ theres fludd angst mentions of kissing implied intimate tons of sweet kissing and tears. Comments likes ans reblogging apprexitaed. No permission to repost anywhere else or to translate or to use in any ai story generator to finish it

I stood there as steve got his last good wishes from his team mates. I stood back watching tears in my eyes. I knew he only had a certain amount and im thinking back to the cinversariin we had after it was decided hed be the onky to return them

"Why do I feel like theres a but comming"

"There is" he took my hands, "sweeetheart even tho hank pym is back theres still that adjustment period everyone is going through and he csnt make more pym particles right now"

"Cant you wait? Time will always be there for you to return it?"

He took my palm, like he does when he's  nervous and subconsciouslybdraws the same patterns he always does when he looked down.

"Yes and no. You see the way that Strange explained it is that time will continue on  and yes and while we can wait the stones not being there is affecting us here and now as in the past they arent there.  I could wait but if simething happens," he swollows hard, "something to you. I cant lose you."

"Steve nothing is going to ha-"

"You dont know that!" Hw yells and i jumo back almsot in tears.

"Im sorry, I'm sorry I didnt mean to "

"Strange said something didnt he?"

Steve looked uo with tears in his eyes and nodded. 

"It doesn't mean it will but i can't bear the thought"

"And I can't live without"

"Neither can I, if Tony was here..."

"I know" I sob a bit  as he pulls me intk his chest and cries too "if tony easnt gone id kill him all iver again."

This garners a chuckle from Steve.

"She's your last stop isnt she?"

I looked up i could only see the side if his cheek really but it was like i could see him go pale.

Not for the reasons yoy think. When insaw in the care facility, i mean yiu saw her every time she didnt remeber me and she eas so ha-

"I know happy and thrilled and saying shes worry you didnt get to live a full happy life."

It hurt me too it was so sad seeing her, I mean seing anyone like that would be saddening. 

"I just want to tell her im ok and that I survived so she doesnt have those regrets and that...."

I pulled back a little and I whipesmone side of tears from my face and he whipped the other putting his hand on my chin and guiding it making sure I can't move away as he knows how scared and fearful i must me and he looked in my eyes .

"That l, I found the love of my life and I am so happy."

I let out a small chuckle with some tears.

"You know that right? That i love you. I love ypu more than anything. And ill always come back to you. Like a bad oenny you cant losemor that cat that never stopped following yoy home,"

On cue Midnight jumoed into our laps with a meow and using her head to burrow under steves tee for warmth like she always did garnering a laugh from both of us. I pulled away a but as steve took iut of hisnshirt and talked to her 

"Youll take care off mommy right?" 

"Take care of me why woukd she need to-" I statted bawling

"Oh honey no no no i didnt mean it oh no " he put Mid night down and grabbed me chuck and tight, so tiggt i almost coukdnt breathe. "Wrong words blvery wrong words. I meant if something haooened. Lets face it i don't have greay track records when it comes to saving the world. The first time i dissapeared for decades and I don't want that to happen my last time but im afraid of tha-"

"Last time?"

"Yea," he rubbed my arms comfortly "my last time, the world doesn need me not as much as you do. And i want to give thst life yoy want because i want it too. I see the longing in your eyes when yoy see a young couoke and a baby and i have the same in mine that wishing hoping dreaming. During these five years people havent needed me and ive been wnlanting to give it uo for a while now justtrying to figure out the best way to do it and yiu know ive been slowly limiting my cap duties."

I know,

I know yiu do. So after this i want to give you that. That family a real family a couoke of mini us's." He interlocked our fingers wispering "I hope to God they look like you".

I chuckled. "Once I return the stones uts you and me babe every day forever no interruptions. Ill be in that bed every day yoy wake uo and every night you go to sleep. Ill hold yiu hair back wvery morning sickness and yoy can try and break a finger or two or try to lift molojiner when youre giving birth."

That made me laugh

"Ill hadle the night and change every littke poopy diaper and we'll hold them together wheh they get thier shots and bad dreams. Ill help you kiss thier boo boos and scare away boyfriends"

Got thiee whole lives planned out hu?

Yiu betcha dolls and when they get marriednand have little ones of thier own ill hug them and then beat uo their husbands for doing thst my little girls "

I cracked up.

"Hey I will unless its done by oamossis no one is touching my daughters."

"You are too much"

He kisses my fore head and puts hair behind my ears,

"Yea well. Only the best for my family and if best means that i have to beat up thier husbands to out then in thier place so be it"

He rubbed my wedding band and engagement ring as we calmed down for a moment of silence. 

You know I would never give you either of these if my heart bekonged to someone else, in another time or place. This wasnt because i was never, " he losed his eyes and sighhned then ooened them stuck here. I was here to find you. I felt more for you then I did her even at first look - i almost proposed."

I know  i rememeber yoy did not try and cover well for that *i laughed*

"I tried"

"Yea so badly' I laughed and  ran my fingers through his hair.

"I grew it out for you, ya know"

"I know. I cant wait to see how blonde it was from when it was in the early days of the avengers"

He chuckled. 

"I love you," he wispered and kissed the bridge of my noise 

"I love you," he wispered  and and kissed my upper cheek.

"I love you," he wispered and kissed my lower cheek

"I love you," he wispered ad kissed the other cheek 

"I love you," he wispered and kissed my other cheek bone.

"I love you," he wispered and kissed my fore head.

"I love you," he wispered and kissed fhe right side of my upper neck.

"I love you," he wispered and kissed my lips.

"I love you," he wispered and kissed the left side of my upper neck.

"I love you," he wispered and kissed the middle of my neck.

"I love you," he wispered and kissed my lips so very deep that i almost lost my brrath. And that was how that night went. Him showing his love he knew he didnt have to prove it but he did he heled me and kissed me anddid everything he wanted to so to make sure he felt like he knew i knew he loved me and more. That was how last night went too. The last night before this trip. A trio that i knew would be mear seconds for me for for him it could be years. 

Then he walked over to me, he had tears in his eyes. Hia other team mates offered to come to help only ateve, i bruce and hank pim knew that wasnt possible. 6 vials. He had 6 and that was all. I was praying of somethin did go grong that last jump hed be able to grab more particles and get back to me. I also knew about the contingency they set up the older face the extra shield, just in case. So many just in cases. It meant to be steves way of dissapearing so we could live aort of loke clint and tony away from the spotlight and danger. 

He hugged me again, wispering in my eqr Ill be back in seconds my love and i love you so much," i felt a tear fall from his face onto mine

"Itll be only minutes babe, 60 minutes the most and youll be back in my arms." I gave him reassurance

"I  hope it works out like that nur every monute ill be thinking about getting back to you,"

He hugged me tightly. "I love you. And those seconds that pass here i told bucky to not let go of your hand,"

I chuckled.

"I know you. You need a hand and he wont let go. But if you two kiss i will kill him"

I laughed what?

"I just wanted to see that smile before i go"

Get your ass back here and ill give yku something to smile about tonight.

Oh is that a threat 

"Oh no that promise," I smiled wrapping my arms around his neck and we looked into eachothers eyes and then he kissed me. 

"This ring isnt leaving this chain and this chain isnt leaving my body"

"I know" 

He took my hand as he walked up to the platform and I followed. He took his stance snd gave me one of the deepest longest kisses hes ever given me. 

"I love you dont forget im waiting right here no matter what you do to retrurn those im here loving you forever. "

"I know I promise ill come back no matrer what i love you too much." 

Steve gave me one last kiss on my lips and then a kiss behind me ear making me giggle 

"I needed to see and hear that one last time."

I felt bucky take my hand and lead me down the strairs steves and my eyes never leaving eachother's. He looked at me as he put the helmet on  and I squeezed Bucky's hand as Steve lifted his hand to presse rhe vutton and bucky squeezed mine as Steve dissapeared.

After 45 seconds my hand let go of Bucky's  but Bucky bevee ler go of mine.

(Varient timeline endings comming)

Taglist

@nana1000night @whore-for-chris-evans @sparklybarbarianninja @patzammit @hawkeyes-queen @bookishtheaterlover7 (i know im miasing a few sry ill ads when i can find the name if u want to be added let me kno)

[territorialufo]

i give in can you tell me about that little iphone binch

YESS YES I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT THE LITTLE IPHONE BINCH !!!!!!!!! this is literally just rambling im so sorry. There's a lot of text blocks in the beginning but the end has more pics and silly stuff 

Also ii spoilers but its hard to talk abt mephone without getting into the recent stuff so whatever 

Under cut cause this got. Really long. whoops

Context/background of II/mephone 

“Inanimate Insanity” (ii) is a web animation originally released in 2011, considered the second “major” object show after BFDI. btw an object show is a genre of web series that features anthropomorphized inanimate objects competing for some kind of prize. I am NOT the right person to ask about object shows cause the only one ive ever been invested in to this extent is ii and theres SOO many other ones out there LMAO. Ok sorry i sounded like a bot for a second there JUST PROVIDING CONTEXT!! Inanimate Insanity’s structure is kind of interesting because it starts out as a silly comedy in s1 and most of s2 before descending into a really drama heavy storyline, with tension caused both by mephone’s past haunting him and conflict between the contestants themselves. Then suddenly s2 goes on a four year hiatus and animationepic (main youtube channel) launches s3 with new characters and artstyle, seemingly completely ditching the plot they had in s2??? IM NOT GONNA GET TOO INTO ALL THAT but it all works out timeline wise so its chill the tone switch was just rly funny at the time 😭😭😭 

ANYWAYYYY mephone. Mephone4. Mister phone. Four. The one and only four. MeFon! MePhone4 (parodying the IPhone4) is the de facto host of the in-universe reality show “Inanimate Insanity”!! As the host, he has speaking lines in nearly every episode which is super awesome and epic for mephone4 enjoyers (me). His initial vibe was inspired by Chris McClean from TDI, and was even voiced by Christian Potenza in the first episode before being switched to Mark Katz, who is the father of the creator of II, Adam Katz, which is also pretty cool i think. Since Mark Katz is a grown ass dude, mephone just has. The same voice for like the entire series SHDHF everyone else’s voices are changing and stuff as the creators got older but mephone just sounds like a middle aged man for all of it 😭I love it tho this isn’t a criticism!!! As the years go by it gets more and more expressive :) s1 is. rough. considering it was made by a bunch of kids, its very much a product of its time lol

Lore/character 

Ok lore time cause the thing w mephone is most of his backstory was kind of just hinted at (or implied with the existence of Apple irl). Like in s1 there was the introduction of mephone4s and 5, but otherwise, not much (as far as I can remember. I watched s1 when i was a kid so its been a while lmao). Then there was s2e8 where the contestants go to headquarters and we meet steve cobs (yes, like steve jobs), who’s his creator and dad?? Again some hints are dropped but nothing concrete about their relationship. And then BOOM. SEASON 2 EPISODE 13. “Mine Your Own Business” was my fave II ep for sooo long (idk what my fave is now tbh) cause THE MEPHONE LORE DROP??????? IT WAS CRAZY and also the ending of the episode with fan’s monologue and the soundtrack “shell of a fan” is my fave in the show ANYWAY ANYWAY so begins the remembering of the Horrors. 

He was “born” in Meeple Headquarters, and PLEASE KNOW THAT HE WAS BORN AN ADULT OH MY GOD there are some clowns who think hes literally 14 years old bc thats how old the iphone4 is USE YOUR BRAIN USE YOUR BRAIN AAAAA right so he basically knows nothing about the world, confined to headquarters until his eventual escape. Cobs and mephone have a pretty interesting dynamic, where cobs has most of the power. The way Cobs praises mephone but later shoots him down is so AUHGHGHGH. It’s an oppressive environment he's living in, only expected to do assigned tasks and shamed for any genuine interests, while having the pressure to impress his creator on his shoulders at the threat of being discarded. Mephone grows to hate and fear cobs, but at the same time, cobs is the only person whos known him since the beginning.

The way literally every problem mephone has can be traced back to his origin/how he was raised is so crazy. Like even before the s2e16 twist, it was extremely prevalent??? There are a bunch of analysis posts that explain it way better than I could but MANNNN for a show that the crew started when they were literally 13, they were able to tie things together pretty well, i think! 

It’s been pretty obvious since s2e13 that hosting Inanimate Insanity is just one big escapist fantasy for mephone, one where he is free to do as he pleases while ignoring all the trauma he sustained in “childhood”. Cause it’s implied he escaped Meeple, deleted his bad memories, and then started s1 right after. I mean, it makes sense, since outside of the cold, mechanical nature of Meeple, the only warmth he got was from his enjoyment of reality tv shows. If s1 is an amnesia mephone, and s2 is a spiraling mephone, then I’d describe s3 as “escapism but worse” mephone. It doesn’t ever get as gloomy as s2, but s3 has steady background reminders of “hey guys remember mephone is running away from all his problems right now!!” until it all comes to head in the finale. Some ppl dislike how mephone-centric the show’s gotten, but honestly idgaf more for me

I do want to say that he is very flawed, though. Esp near the beginning, he is really fucking rude and does not respect his contestants at all and frequently belittles them and puts them in mortal danger. he tends to view them and everything that happens to them through the lens of “its just part of the show!!!!”. He tends to brush off everyone’s problems, no matter how serious, even when he’s the one that caused them.

His reality show host personality is all a very big facade to cover up how he feels about the past (thus further submerging him in the fantasy of Inanimate Insanity). Like previous users have mentioned, this is likely due to the fact that he had no one to learn HOW to be empathetic/kind from besides reality television (which is known to be exaggerated for drama) and cobs (who is his abuser) But I famously do enjoy characters who are kind of dickheads, the confidence being a mask is like a tasty bonus to me.

The dichotomy between his arrogant host exterior and paranoid/anxious interior is really interesting and fun to watch. Compared to his relatively sweet/naive beginning personality, it’s wild to see just how much he’s changed since then because of everything that’s happened.  His relationships with the rest of the characters is also interesting, cause despite being their host, he isn’t very close with a lot of them. Other than maybe Bot, who I believe he feels kinship with since they're both robots who freed themselves from the expectations of others. Same with Mepad, since they’re both from Meeple. 

He’s a robot, but in an emotional/psychological sense, is basically a normal person/object (person is synonymous with object in this case). He feels like a person despite being an AI. which makes cobs a lot worse imo, he mistreats all his creations, but at least the other newer mephones are barely “feeling” at all, unlike 4.

Basically, 

Cobs: i have engineered a machine that is functionally a person

Everyone: you fucked up a perfectly good phone is what you did. Look at him. He’s got ptsd. 

Not to get too into ii16/17, but they basically recontextualized the entire series and made what we initially thought about mephone’s escapist tendencies and origins a million times worse. Bro was so tormented he subconsciously made his OCs come to life 😭😭😭all while projecting all his issues onto them??? Psychologically sound individual activities. Additionally, the way he was created is also. Terrible. Cobs basically invaded an alien planet, kidnapped an alien kid, and then presumably used its energy to create mephone4. Outer space colonization? In MY object show? yes!

Ok now im just gonna talk about random stuff i like about him  

His powers are so cool.,.,,. Esp as a foil to cobs/mephonex, who could represent destruction, he represents creation with his generation ability. Also something abt using his powers for non violent reasons when his creation was built upon violence uhh idk. And I think the screen turning green and the sound effect is very satisfying dlsjkfg. Oh and the fact that he canonically had to practice to get better at it? In the flashbacks he’s shown having trouble generating even a simple tree, and now he can make pretty much anything with minimal effort. 

Also MeLife, which allows him to bring contestants back from the dead, is an ability unique to him, which is super cool!!

He can create portals as well and this is never explained. He can just suddenly do it KDLJFGH this kind of renders Mepad’s teleportation ability useless but it's still fun. 

I like when he uses his face as an actual screen :)

Something something robot related stuff

He is not waterproof and will malfunction or even die when wet

His speaking function can be disabled by other people

Glitches while talking sometimes!! Delightful 

Something that gets overlooked often I think is the s1 finale, where mephone4S (mephone4's brother) basically killed himself to save mephone4 by downgrading his own OS. Technically, mephone isn’t even in his original body anymore, he’s inhabiting his brother’s. Fun!

this is unrelated but he got shot in the face with a gun once. there havent been any guns since unfortunately

Get yoinked idiot 

In conclusion, 

I heart him and im sad ii is gonna be ending soon thx for reading

[alledherlu-q-pereon]

Elaborations to this: questions answered in order, section by section left collom, then right

Physical section

1. shit at making food at hate easting it, still do most of it usually tho

2. idk what I'm supposed to be preventing but I do go to the doctors a lot

3. this seems like the same thing but i have a fuck ton of medical problems and am dealing with most of them

4. can't get a job cause too dumb so nothing to take time off of. / moot.

5. the clothes I like are way too slutty for my ugly body

6. oxymoron

7. I'm an objectivist, so not possible.

---

8. that ones on me I should be doing that more

9. I mean I don't but only because I haven't figured out how to do that in a way that doesn't make my skin feel like a coffee filter. Am actively working with a nutritionist

10. yeah I'm pre op and trying to not get murdered or accused of sexual assault for being trans so no. Maybe in a few years?

11. not hot enough to go anywhere fun and can't afford it anyway

12. too much, If anything

13. those are not fun they are very stressful

14. shave every day because facial hair is gross as hell

Psychological section

1. see physical, question 11

2. What the hell is psychotherapy. That sounds like it would require a professional and I have better things spend my time and money on

3. To do what? I live in a rural shithole.

4. See physical question 4.

5. Fuck does that mean

6. No fucking way am i engaging my intelligence. I hate that bitch she's a loser

7. For me, This is called "doing anything"

---

8. Yup.

9. Used to but it takes a lot of time and is a hard thing to re-start doing.

10. That is called transitioning and dear God I am fucking trying.

11. No.

12. I mean usually it's because I am genuinely incapable of doing them and also they are responsibilities I *should* be doing, but I am disabled and need help and yeah that's not happening.

13. See Physical question 4

14. Do this daily but I think I should try and up my variation on what I say

Emotional section

1. Only person whose company I enjoy without having to pay for doing that lives half the world away so depending on your definition of "with" thats either a 3 or a 0

2. Yep I talk to her almost every day

3. Fuck books. And I barely watch movies once. They're too long I prefer YouTube.

4. Like my couch?

5. Like political shit on twitter? I do that but these questions are very clinically worded and I'm 90% sure you mean something other than what I'm inferring but idk what the hell that is

---

6. No. I'm ugly.

7. Yep, estrogen will do that to you. Steve hartman will do that also.

8. Nothing worth praising as of yet

9. Have you heard of Magic the Noah?

Spiritual section

1. I already answered this question. Physiological question 8

2. Those are two separate things what the hell are you asking me here?

3. I mean I'm not much of "stuff" person so pretty much nailing it. In fact I'm planning on selling like, most of my non-essential stuff to help save for ffs so I should get a 4 honestly

4. I am currently actively fighting with my social worker to try and get her to be more in control of my life and she's refusing so yeah once again nailing that.

5. Did that like 4 years ago. Haven't actually achieved it yet, if I did I wouldn't be on tumblr. But yeah it's fuckin identified all right

6. Like eating and sleeping? Physical questions 8 and 12 respectively.

7. I'm poor and need to save for ffs. I'll do it after that.

8. Again, fuck reading.

---

9. Fuck nature also

10. What? Like watch more porn? Okay I'll do that.

11. What optimism lol

12. What the hell does this mean? I'm not in school if that's what you mean

13. I prefer to just pray wherever I happen to be standing

14. Established that I do that

15. Yeah there are a lot of hot sex workers on my twitter timeline that I would kill to be instead of myself, which I'm pretty sure is what being in awe of someone is

Relationship section

1. Long distance

2. They live with me???

3. Am very open about that stuff with my gf

4. I don't have friends

5. Yep I talk to her regularly

6. Dear God I wish they fucking would

---

7. See above

8. I do that a lot. It is usually ignored but I do still ask

9. Yup I do that when I need to do that

10. No one likes me so that is a tall order. Also I don't want to.

11. We have 3 cats

12. I should do that again soonish

Workplace section

1-12. See physical question 4

Balance section

1. See above

2-5. Genuinely what the fuck are you asking me here

Relevant section

1. Idk how to practice I have never been taught how to do that in a way that I can follow

---

was going to put this as a reblog on the actual post but I can't find it now. It is gone. If I find it again I'll copy paste this there so I can find out what grade I got. If I don't then oh well that happens.

[unclewaynemunson]

For the prompt list - clarkson & 34 😘 (no pressure tho!)

Yaaayy a clarkson prompt i love it!!! :D (Apparently I'm unable to write something short for them, my apologies)

34. things you whispered in my ear

Wayne had always liked the quiet. He had always enjoyed spending time on his own, in his trailer, with the door closed, keeping the world outside. He had liked the quiet - until Eddie moved in with him and the quiet abruptly became something of the past. It was not just the noisy music or even Eddie's big voice, no, everything about Eddie was loud: black clothes scattered everywhere, dirty dishes piling up on every flat surface available, all kinds of boxes and containers filled with questionable goods in the most random places... And when that loud presence disappeared from the trailer for good, Wayne suddenly found out that he wasn't so fond of the quiet anymore.

He knew that it was simply the way things were supposed to go, that it was only healthy for children to move out and start a life of their own. Steve and Eddie were over the moon with their tiny apartment in the city, and Eddie still called him almost daily - but the empty, quiet space he left was so very tangible. Wayne couldn't even bring himself to take back his place in the bedroom that had become Eddie's. He wanted that room to stay available for Eddie and Steve when they'd come to visit, or for the other kids who had wriggled their way into Wayne's life and would randomly show up at the trailer at the most inconvenient times. Even though the quiet of that room was taunting him, he needed it to keep being Eddie's room.

He was balancing on a ladder, scrubbing at a big piece of mold on the ceiling that he'd never even noticed when Eddie was still occupying the room, when he heard the front door open.

'Over here!' he called out upon the sound of Scott's voice singsonging his name.

A few seconds later, the man appeared in the doorway with that signatory bright smile of his on his face.

'Are you cleaning up the room?' He sounded surprised.

'Just makin' it habitable,' Wayne muttered, vaguely gesturing to the big black spot above his head. 'For when someone stays over, I mean.'

He carefully climbed down and discarded the gloves he was wearing to greet Scott properly.

'Hey,' Scott said, quietly. 'I always thought that this would go without saying, but just to be clear, you always have a place with me. You know that, right?'

Wayne frowned. Usually he was the one struggling to say exactly what he meant and Scott the one to read between the lines without any trouble. He didn't quite know how good he was at this thing now that the roles were reversed, so he decided to play it safe and not try to fill in the blanks by himself.

'What do ya mean?' he asked instead, simple and to the point.

A somewhat sheepish look crept over Scott's face. He took his time to reply, opting to press a kiss to Wayne's temple first, and then another one to his cheek, before softly brushing his lips over the tip of Wayne's ear and whispering, 'You can move in with me.'

Wayne tightened his grip around Scott's waist and rested his head in the crook of Scott's neck, letting himself be gently rocked back and forth while he thought about the right answer.

It was a big question. A loaded question even, for Wayne. Even though they had been together for almost five years, they had never actually talked about living together. Scott had always tacitly respected that Eddie and Wayne were an inseparable unit - until they weren't anymore. Until now.

It wasn't like Wayne had never thought about it. But he had a hard time actually imagining himself living in Scott's house. The trailer was his home, no matter how crappy it was - but it was even more than that. It was about who he was as a person. He was a trailer park guy, through and through. Had never known anything else. It was part of his DNA. And even though he had no qualms staying the night at Scott's place multiple times a week, something inside of him still squirmed at the thought of actually living in some neat three-bedroom house in the suburbs. Truth be told, it felt goddamn suffocating to him.

'I don't think I can,' he finally admitted. 'I'd feel like a guest in my own house.'

'You still feel like a guest in my house?' Scott asked. He didn't sound hurt or rejected at all, only mildly amused. God, Wayne loved this man so much.

'Not when you're there,' Wayne quietly admitted. 'But I wouldn't feel at home in the suburbs.'

His counter proposal died on his tongue before he could even think of saying it out loud. It was far too ridiculous, asking Scott to come and live in this goddamn trailer with him, to sell his house and instead come live among the trailer trash, where the water ran cold half the time and mold was spreading over the ceilings, not to speak of that leak in the kitchen or the fact that they wouldn't even have a real bedroom to sleep in. He knew that Scott would never laugh at him, but there was no doubt that Scott would feel just as much out of place in a trailer park as Wayne would in suburban Hawkins.

'Okay,' Scott simply said, placing another gentle kiss against Wayne's lips. 'Want me to help you combat that mold, then?'

And who would've ever thought that loving could be so easy?

XXX

Scott didn't bring it up anymore, after that. He seemed perfectly content having Wayne stay over two or three nights a week and visiting him in the trailer park after work. It was what they were used to, after all, a routine they had built over the past five years, and it was enough, even though the quiet left by Eddie became even thicker on the nights Wayne didn't spend with Scott.

One Saturday, when they were having their morning coffee together at Scott's place, both with a part of the newspaper in their hands and wrapped in comfortable silence save for the occasional remark about what they were reading, Scott pointed at something in his part of the paper.

'Have you seen this?'

Wayne leaned into him to see the article he was pointing at: it was an advertisement on the real estate page. A grainy black-and-white picture of -

'That the cabin at the other side of Lover's Lake?' Wayne asked.

Scott nodded enthusiastically, an eager sparkle lighting up his eyes.

Wayne thought about it, tried to imagine it: neither trailer park nor suburbs, but their very own secluded place in the woods they loved to hike through, where no one would watch them or judge them or gossip about them, where they could make a new home together.

'How many bedrooms?' he asked, and like always, Scott understood what was behind his words without even having to think about it.

'Just one, but it has an attic we could use as a guest room,' he answered. 'It's a fixer-upper, apparently, but I happen to know this guy with magical hands who loves to fix things.' His fingers brushed over Wayne's rough hands as he said it, and Wayne lifted an arm to brush through Scott's neatly combed hair.

He imagined sitting side by side with Scott in the morning sunlight every day, sharing newspapers while drinking their coffee together. Yeah, a cabin might just be the perfect place for both of them.

[chrisevansgoodgirl]

killing peggy carter

summary: you want revenge bc steve’s a bitch. (happy times, save for steve’s disappearance. everyone’s alive tho)

warnings: a darker steve. rough smut, a little questionable at times. a lot of angst bc i was in a mood.

pairing: steve rogers x reader, peggy carter x reader for a sec, and some steve x peggy ( 🤢 )

word count: about 9,800

a/n: not tagging anyone bc no one asked for this, i literally just wrote it like forever ago and decided to post it bc i haven’t posted in forever. also, if you go back far enough on my blog, you will see that i watch riverdale and honestly, i came up with this title before jughead wrote his emo story in the finale.

When Steve left, it was nothing short of devastating.

Your world had stopped. How could it not? You had been under the impression that someone was in love with you as much as you were in love with them. And god, you were so damn in love with Steve Rogers.

It had been a year and it still hurt just like it had that first day. You were better at hiding it now, using that as the only entertainment in your life. Being an Avenger wasn’t the same as it used to be. The world was good, you weren’t needed. Especially not while all these feelings of anger and resentment were growing inside you.

When Steve left, he took a lot. He took your heart, your soul, your fucking will to love and let yourself be loved, and he took your ability to be a hero. No hero had the darkness you had. No hero stayed out most nights dancing in sweaty and noisy clubs, being groped by strangers she couldn’t even take home because she was the definition of damaged. You had trust issues for days, and they weren’t going anywhere any time soon, if ever.

Bucky tried to help and sometimes, you had the energy to fake it. It always made him so happy to see you smiling or just talking to other men who clearly were attracted to you. But nothing would come of it. You couldn’t believe a word that any one of them said.

Steve used to look at you, tell you he loved you, tell he needed you, that he couldn’t do any of this without you. Then he had the chance to go back to Peggy Carter and he took it in a second, no hesitation. He didn’t even say goodbye.

You stayed out on the lake for three months, figuring he’d just gotten tied up. He would come back, you told yourself that every night. What finally broke you was when Nat and Bucky sat you down and told you it wasn’t going to happen. You’d always known but with confirmation from the two people that knew him best, you had to face reality. He’d left you and he wasn’t coming back.

It was a huge hit to your self-esteem. Maybe if you had been prettier. Smarter. Stronger. Better. But you were just you. Petty, small, aching. Ironically, that was how he had found you as well. The Avengers liked to bring in team members who had already been through too much. You hadn’t realized how vulnerable your past trauma made you to their type of coercion. You would do anything any of them asked. With Steve, it was different. More. And he had always known.

There was this pain in your chest that never went away. Sometimes you woke up gasping in the middle of the night, usually after a nightmare. It was as if there had been a hand around your neck. But there wasn’t because you were as alone as anyone could possibly be.

You didn’t mind it anymore. Hell, it was the only thing that you still had left of Steve. You burned everything else and not even that made you feel better. This was all much to Bucky’s dismay.

You would never tell a soul that you couldn’t part with his sketchbooks, that you had them hidden in a box underneath your bed. It was no one’s right to know. This pain was your own, the only thing you still had possession of.

You hadn’t been touched in his absence, even by yourself. It reminded you of all those times he would kiss along your skin and sing praises to your beauty. Sometimes, you wished you were ugly. Sometimes, you wished you could just get so ugly that no one would even want to look at you.

But that was not the case. You were that beautiful, strong, and caring woman Steve had fallen in love with, so they claimed. You were their responsibility. Their project. They would get you through this if it was the last thing they did. Nat, Bucky, and Sam tried merely out of their loyalty to Steve. Tony followed that lead and that meant Peter tried as well as he could. Wanda, still consumed by her own lost love, attempted, but she was probably the only person who could see you for what you were.

Thrown out trash. Abandoned, sharp pieces that could and would cut anyone who tried to help. You hated all the rest of them for not seeing it. You hated all the rest of them because in their eyes, you were still Steve’s girl.

You no longer had a boyfriend, a family, or friends. He took all of that away from you. And one day, when you were so sick of having nothing to do but feel sorry for yourself, you decided that you were going to return that favor.

Steve Rogers deserved to be just as heartbroken and empty as you. It drove you crazy. He had been the one to pursue you. He had been the one to insist that you were his, even said you were the best thing to ever happen to him.

Talking Bruce into helping was laughably easy. You claimed to need closure. You claimed you just wanted to know that Steve was happy. You wanted to tell him you forgave him. Bruce hadn’t seen you look this happy in a long while so he did what anyone would and said yes.

You wanted to wait. Steve was always so sentimental, the anniversary of the day he met Peggy was probably a day of extreme affection in their house. He probably made her breakfast, bought her some piece of jewelry that she wouldn’t even like, and spent all day telling her how much he loved her. You wanted to crash the party.

Part of you wished there was another way to do this, but there just wasn’t. Killing Peggy was the only way to take anything from him, and you had these dark fantasies that he would then kill you in retaliation. What a beautiful way to go, you hoped he would strangle you. You hoped he would set you on his lap one final time, wrap his hands around your neck, and stare into your eyes until you were gone.

Peggy was a great person, that much you felt bad about. But hadn’t Steve practically murdered you? And you were a great person before all of this. An eye for an eye. Did he think you were just going to disappear? No, he wasn’t going to get away with this any longer. He wasn’t going to get his happiness after he had ruined your whole life.

You wanted some years on them, you told Bruce ten years. Steve would be just shy of 50. You wondered what he’d look like. When he left, he had just started to get some gray hairs. You could remember that morning vividly. You wouldn’t have noticed if the sun hadn’t been shining in through the blinds perfectly onto his blonde hair. He blushed about 7 shades of red, but you promised him you didn’t mind. Because you loved him. He said he loved you back. Like an idiot, you believed him.

You arrived in his time with little care to how you looked. You weren’t here for anyone but him. You didn’t mind that everyone was staring at you oddly because instead of some huge, ugly dress, you were wearing black pants, a low-cut t-shirt, and a leather jacket.

You did need a weapon, however. Guns were cowardly. Poison could be fun. A knife, though. A knife would certainly get the point across. You tucked it into your boot and then you were on your way.

You found Peggy’s house easily. Bruce had made sure you knew where you were going and what to do if they had moved or anything like that. You’d known they would be in the same place. You’d known Steve would want to live in this domestic, pathetic lie.

There was a window that looked into the living room. It was mid-day, you figured Peggy was at work. What did Steve even do? Was there a specific activity he liked pairing with all the pure nothingness he was doing while his best friend suffered in Hydra’s hands?

You saw him sitting in a recliner in what you assumed was the living room. His hair was almost all gray, he’d cut it much shorter. Like how he used to have it, before everything with Tony and Bucky. Like how he had it when you met him. His beard was just as light and he had a few prominent wrinkles on his forehead and around his mouth. But that was as far as his aging went. His arms were still huge, his shoulders so broad, and you had the strongest feeling that that ass had held up.

You were about to go in, make your presence known when you realized he was reading a book. Your favorite book. He must have taken it with him because that looked distinctly like one of your many copies you hadn’t seen for quite some time.

You were furious, shaking and seeing red. No matter how hard you tried to breathe, you just couldn’t. You were going to cut Peggy’s heart about and show it to him. You were going to cover that ugly house with her blood. You were going to wreck him just as much as he wrecked you.

You watched Steve for three months and came to the harrowing conclusion that he was severely unhappy. Peggy would come home and they wouldn’t speak. They would sit down for dinner and say maybe five sentences to one another. They went to bed together, sometimes they had sex. You never stuck around for that because not only was that a major violation of her privacy, but damn, they were fucking boring.

When she woke up in the morning, he wouldn’t get up until she was gone. Then he would go for his run, you followed a couple of times as best you could to see if there was a piece of this puzzle you were missing. When he returned home, he would read or watch television, he went for a second run a few hours later, and returned home to do absolutely nothing but await her return.

Should this have made you happy? It didn’t. He would rather be unhappy with her than happy with you. But that was for one reason: his pride. He didn’t want to crawl back to you and admit that he made a mistake.

Your goals changed. You wanted to make him admit it. Not with words, he would never do that. But Steve was a faithful man. If you got him to stray, it would be indisputable.

You waited one morning until he was out on his run, then snuck into the house. You went through their kitchen, sometimes you moved things just to be a bitch. You went through their bedroom and discovered that Peggy had a terrible contraption that had the audacity to call itself a sex toy. That would be nice to throw in Steve’s face.

You tossed it onto the bed and got undressed as you made your way to the shower. Steve wouldn’t be gone much longer. And he would know something was very wrong when he saw your clothes.

You washed your hair, used Peggy’s soap, and only had to wait a couple of minutes after that. You heard him call out her name a few times. But then he got to the bedroom and you heard his steps hesitating.

“Peggy?”

He wouldn’t say your name, not ever. Because he could be wrong, he could be delusional. And to admit that he was still thinking about you after all this time, that was his idea of a loss.

You didn’t grab a towel as you pulled the shower curtain back and shut off the water. Dripping wet, you carefully padded across the tile floor and then out to the bedroom.

His eyes widened and he dropped to his knees. “What...what are you doing here?”

You shrugged, glancing around. “Thought I deserved a vacation.”

“Y/N, I am so—”

“Pathetic? Weak? Yeah, don’t worry, I know.” You moved closer to him, eyeing him pitifully. You were glad that you hadn’t crumbled. Months ago, you would have given anything just to hear his voice, just to see his fucking eyes. God, you hated him now.

“You’re angry, I understand.”

“Angry?” you scoffed. “Add dumb to the list.”

“I’m sorry that I hurt you—”

“You didn’t hurt me, you piece of shit. You destroyed me, you ruined my life. For all intents and purposes, you killed me. And I’m here to get my revenge.”

His eyebrows pulled together. “Revenge?”

You reached out to touch his face, trailed your fingers along his bottom lip. “Yeah, payback. I’m going to make sure I make you feel what you made me feel.”

He glared up at you. “Are you threatening me?”

“Yes.”

He finally stood, towering over you.

“Mmm, how I’ve missed this body.” You pressed yourself against him and as much as he acted like he didn’t like it, he never pulled away or tried to push you back. You were getting him wet and his shirt was starting to cling to his abs. You let your hands wander for a moment before they dropped down to his pants.

“Stop,” he said quietly.

And you did because you were never going to allow him to lie. Your turned up to him and stepped back.

He looked torn apart, confused. “Why are you here?”

You shrugged. “Why not?”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Well, it’s all you’re getting. You don’t need any other answer.”

“So, what’s the plan? How are you going to get your revenge?”

“I know you, Steve, I know that you believe in being a good and faithful man. I just want you to fuck me. That’s all.”

“Well, you know that’s not going to happen. You know I would never—”

“Cheat? So, then you’ve never fucked Peggy?”

“What?”

“You never left me, you never told me we were done. You, like the coward you are, just didn’t come back. Every time you’ve been with her is a lie, a cheat. You are a cheater.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?! You keep acting like there was just one thing! There were a million things, Steve. You ruined everything that we were building. And you can apologize all you want, but until I return at least half of it, I’m stuck here with you.”

“I won’t fuck you.”

“Yet,” you pointed out. “Well, I should be going.”

He grabbed your arm. “Go home.”

“I am home, baby. You’re here and you’re my home.”

He frowned.

You yanked yourself out of his hold, bending over to grab your clothing all over the room. He wasn’t going to fuck you but that did not mean he wasn’t going to look at you. So, you gave him quite the show, just like you had in the past upon his request.

You disappeared into the bathroom as if it was so natural, as if it was your own. He made no moves to follow and said nothing. As you dried yourself off, you decided now was as good a time as any. “See that terrible thing on your bed?”

You heard him step a few times, then nothing.

You scoffed. “Maybe it has to do with your age.”

“It doesn’t.”

“Still. Pretty creepy you came back to a much younger Peggy.”

“I came back to the one I left.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself.” You sauntered out and sent him one last smile before exiting the bedroom.

Peggy and Steve had a fight, so Peggy ducked out to some small diner. If you couldn’t get to him, you decided you were going to get to her. Peggy was sweet from the second you began speaking to her, feigning concern for her situation.

The first night you guys went out together, you wanted her to talk shit about Steve. She didn’t, she just got drunk and tried to get you much the same. You were taking her home because you truly were fearful of what would become of her without your help. And she kissed you. At first, you were startled, you pulled away out of fear and shock. She wasn’t Steve. In all your life since you’d met him, you never thought someone else was going to kiss you.

But then she looked terrified. Had she been reading you wrong? Had she messed everything up? Nah, you were adaptable. You kissed her back, explained you’d been hurt by some loser and it had been a while. She understood, or said she did, and then she was disappearing inside.

You were left wondering if Steve heard you, but not many lights in the house were on. He probably wasn’t home. Confirmed by your unlocked hotel door when you returned home just a couple of hours before sunrise.

Knowing it was him didn’t mean you weren’t going to pull your gun as you entered. He was sitting in one of the chairs at the tiny table near the tiny kitchen.

He arched an eyebrow. “That necessary?”

“I should have shot you the second I got here.” But you still tossed it onto the bed. “You know...this paints quite a scene, doesn’t it? You’re here, angry at me for being out late.” You let your purse fall to the floor, then your hideous cardigan. You had only shown up with one outfit, so shopping was necessary to keep up appearances. You didn’t know a lot about the 40s, but you didn’t want them to start burning women at the stake again because of you.

You made your way to him, straddling his lap as you took his face in your hands. “Are you upset that I broke curfew, daddy?”

He didn’t even bat an eye, but you knew that would get to him. “Where were you?”

“Out with your future wife.” One of many kickers, they had yet to get married. Peggy said it was because she wanted to wait. “Thought she would be willing to talk shit about you...thought it would make me feel better.”

“And? Did she give you anything you can use against me in the future?”

“Nah. She didn’t want to talk about you at all.”

He glared. “When are you going home?”

She shrugged. “Whenever I feel like it.” Your eyes moved over his face as you felt the deeply etched lines on his skin. “You don’t look 50 but I never thought... You remember when I found your gray hair?”

“Yeah... Thought you would leave me...that you’d want someone your age.”

“I like you like this, you know. Twice my age.”

“Have there been others?”

And just like that, the end of your friendly conversation. You pulled your hands away from him but stayed on top of him. “Others?”

“People...men you’ve let close.”

You scoffed. “Why would I do that?”

“I wanted...I thought you would move on.”

“People lie,” you pointed out. “You told me you loved me every day and then you just left. I can’t adequately explain to you how tired I am. I can’t do it again, I can’t even let myself try. I can’t get close to people the way I was close to you. I can’t move on. I can’t love someone else. I can’t do anything but hate you as much as I loved you.”

“I wasn’t lying—”

“You left. If you loved me as much as you said you did, you wouldn’t have been able to.”

“I do love you—”

You immediately pulled off him, rushing to get your feet back on the floor. No, no fucking way, he was not going to lie to you again. He was simply not allowed to anymore. You would not tolerate it.

“Y/N—”

“Get out of my hotel!” You pointed to the door. “Now, Steve, or I swear I will shoot you.”

He scoffed. “For what? Loving you?”

“You piece of shit.” You didn’t wait for him to say anything else. You stormed to the bathroom and locked the door before he could intrude yet again.

He knew you wouldn’t come back out, not while he was still there. All he could do was leave. For safe measure, he at least unloaded your gun and set it on the bedside table. Maybe if you had to find it and load again, you would lose some of your anger and not ended up taking a shot at him.

How dare he? He had no right to say that to you, no right to use that word. It meant nothing coming from him because there was the implied ‘but’ along with it. Before, he just loved you. Period. Now? He loved you. But what? He loved Peggy more? He loved this time more?

You thought you had been angry before. Even though the time you were spending with Peggy was diffusing that somewhat. Still, you never lost sight of what you wanted. Needed. The idea of Steve’s heartbreak was the only thing that could get you up in the morning.

He threw you off for a few days. Every time you tried to leave the hotel room just to do something a tad evil, you would end up in bed crying. Steve thankfully didn’t try to come back, you hated the thought of him seeing you like this, letting him know that he could still do this to you.

Peggy called. You gave her the number, just in case, and she used it to express her concern for you. It wasn’t like you not to want to hang out or to just be around and bump into her “randomly”. She invited you out for breakfast the first day, then lunch the next. You said you weren’t feeling well.

An excuse she stopped taking the third night. She wanted to go dancing with you, all while her asshole boyfriend stayed at home. How could you say no? You shouldn’t, this was the entire reason you were here.

You would kill her tonight. This time was a drag and you wanted to get home. To a place where you could wear pants or a t-shirt. A place where there weren’t so many preppy men in pastels or college sweaters.

Peggy picked you up, she wouldn’t stop staring. Had it been any other day, you might have even questioned why. But you weren’t going to enjoy this as much as you thought you would. It sucked, and honestly, it made you hate Steve even more. He was your downfall, he was also her downfall, but at least he would soon be utterly alone.

It had been hours. You were just trying to dance and let the music fill your mind, but this music was shit. If you had to hear one more man sing about wanting to hold a woman’s hand… Truly, you missed the filth of your time.

Peggy was the one that wanted to leave. Peggy was the one that wanted to walk away from all the noise of the city. Peggy was the one that took you to some sleazy motel, where she gave you the briefest of looks when she’d stopped you both on the sidewalk. She was also the one that kissed you when you didn’t say anything because what did you have to actually say?

Nothing. Not one thing. You had no idea how this plan had spiraled so terribly. You were meant to come here, kill her, throw it in Steve’s face, then bolt back home like none of it ever happened.

But you couldn’t kill her, not anymore, not after seeing what a miserable life she had with Steve. You hoped she would leave him, and not just to hurt him, but to help herself. You remembered the life she had in your world, the one she had created with your husband. It was so much better than the hell she was living in here.

So, you let her take you to a room. You let her kiss you, you let her tear your dress off, push you onto the bed, and crawl on top of you. Her lips moved everywhere over your legs, arms, and stomach, and they felt like fire because they belonged to someone who wasn’t Steve.

You hated how guilty you felt. You hated that your mind was seriously considering this a betrayal, cheating. But you were trying to be kinder to yourself. It wasn’t your fault that you had fallen so hard for someone and that you had made plans because someone had promised you forever.

She knew you were thinking about him. Not Steve, of course, but the someone you had once mentioned. She didn’t mind, she just promised she would try to make you forget. You forced yourself to be present, you turned off your mind when you could. She didn’t ask a lot of you, in reality.

She wanted to be on top, she wanted you to say her name and wouldn’t let you come until you asked nicely. It was probably around the third orgasm that you stopped feeling so awful, that all of those familiar sensations weren’t triggering memories and bitter resentment. That was what she gave you with her mouth alone and didn’t move until it was evident that your thoughts had simply melted away.

When she crawled back up to kiss you, she buried her fingers inside you. At that point, who the hell even was Steve Rogers? A distant, dull pain. Peggy was here, on top of you, biting your lip, telling you to come one more time, because she knew you had it in you.

She told you that you were beautiful, that she’d never seen a body like yours. She told you that you made her feel things Steve couldn’t, that you were fun and warm and kind, and she loved spending time with you.

You were covered in sweat, your skin painted with her lipstick and bites and other marks she left all over your skin. She hadn’t come yet and refused any offers you made her, she claimed she just wanted to focus on you for a moment.

When she finally pressed her soaking center against yours, you were in an odd amount of pain. You longed for something, so much, but you had no idea what. She pulled your hair, began kissing your neck, and rolled her hips hard. You pulled her hair back, pressed your hips up when she pressed down, whimpered her name, and told her she felt so good. It was when she started fucking you harder and faster, and you were getting really close once again, that you got the sick idea to rake your nails down her back. Hard enough to leave marks.

After her finish, she collapsed onto her side next to you. The way she looked at you was kind of scary, like you were worth a lot more than you knew you were. She also looked satisfied and you hadn’t seen that look since you’d shown up. And what a fucking crime that was. Yes, Steve was a dick, but fuck, that man could seriously fuck. Why was he denying her that?

You shoved her onto her back and sat on her face because you didn’t want to be thinking about him. She kept you there until you were shaking and so fuzzy you couldn’t even sit up on your own. A tad haphazardly, you insisted on getting your mouth on her. After some convincing on your part and a few pitying laughs from her as you nearly fell over the edge of the mattress because you were still dizzy, your tongue was sliding against her skin and her hands were locked in your hair.

She needed to get home, back to her boyfriend before he started to worry. You stuck around for a bit, reluctant to return to your apartment. Maybe this was it, maybe this was all you needed. Maybe it was just time to fucking go home.

You truly worried about all of the Bucky lectures you were going to get, all of those Natasha looks, those small ‘tsk’ sounds when Thor was not only upset but disappointed in you, the judgmental eyebrows Tony would be sending your way, and those puppy dog eyes from Peter. Goodness, you were sure Peter missed you. Bruce would never trust you again, no surprise there, you had lied to him. You hadn’t thought about the consequences of your actions when you first did this. You hated, at the time, that you didn’t care if you hurt anyone.

Game over. You weren’t going home not without having scored some points, but to win, you would just end up losing more. More, you now understood that you had taken all of it for granted. Yes, your friends were constant reminders of Steve and they had been acting like you were some mission they needed to complete, but at least they loved you. That was more than a lot of people had and you would let them know about all these epiphanies if they didn’t kill you as soon as you returned.

When you made it back to your apartment, it was only to get the necklace Wanda had given you a few years back for your birthday. It was this huge stone you never remembered the name of, something you rarely took off regardless of that.

The last thing you expected was to find Steve. He looked furious and maybe, just maybe, you were going to get the satisfaction of seeing that you hurt him before you left. “What the hell are you doing here?”

He was at the table again, jaw set, glaring at the wall straight ahead of him. You were trying to think if you’d ever seen him this angry, if you’d ever even heard stories of it. Probably not. He liked to act like you were so damn delicate. Though, maybe he had been onto something.

“Hey,” you snapped after receiving no response, “Why the fuck are you in my hotel room?”

Finally, he turned to you and for the first time ever, you were scared of him.

You kept your distance, you even began moving toward your bedside table where you had your gun stashed.

“I hope you’re not looking for this.” He reached down for a moment then tossed it onto the table noisily.

Shit. “Steve…”

“You fucked her.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He stood quickly, storming over to you. For a moment, you had been stunned, and it was enough for him to get several upper hands. It wasn’t as if he needed them to begin with, but with your delayed scattering back, he was able to grab you and pin you to the wall. You were completely defenseless in stupid, impractical heels and an ugly, impractical dress.

“Tell me you didn’t fuck her.”

You said nothing.

He scoffed harshly. “I fucking smelled you all over her…and now I smell her on you. You left those scratches on her back because you wanted me to know.”

“Honestly, I thought I would be gone by the time you found out or by the time you decided to confront me. In fact, if you leave now, I’ll be gone and you’ll never have to see me again.”

He narrowed his eyes.

“What? Isn’t that what you wanted?”

He didn’t say anything, instead, he grabbed the neckline of your dress and tore it open. He paid no mind to your startled shoving at his chest. His eyes moved over your skin quickly, you could tell he was getting angrier with every bruise he found.

You were going to play this off, bat away at his feelings just long enough for you to escape. “Steve, I—”

He grabbed your jaw and you immediately shut up. “Go take a shower.”

Your eyebrows pulled together.

“Now.”

“No, you fucking—”

“You can do it on your own or I can do it for you. But to be clear, I will not ask again, and I’m gonna count to ten before I really lose my patience. One, two, three—”

“Steve,” you tried softly. He was still holding you there, so tight that the idea of moving was laughable.

“Four, five—”

“Steve,” you were a tad more frantic, pushing at his forearm.

“Six, seven.” He finally pulled away from you and you bolted to the bathroom without a second thought. He told you to leave the door open and you listened because you no longer had the desire to push him.

You came out in a towel several minutes later. Most of your shower was spent just trying to calm down, the rest was using any product you had to try to get rid of her scent. You didn’t want to risk further angering him with any lingering mentions of Peggy.

He was just feet away from the door when you stepped out and once again, he showed no hesitation in ripping away what covered your body. He looked you over again, briefer this time, obviously displeased with what he saw. He’d hoped most of it was just the lipstick Peggy always wore.

“Are you wet?”

“What?”

“Your pussy. Are you wet?” He was condescendingly slow with every single word and your hand suddenly itched with the need to smack him.

“No.”

“Well, you’re a liar, so I don’t believe you,” he countered. “Check.”

“What?”

“Check,” he repeated. “Now. And if I have to keep repeating myself, you’re not going to like the way this night plays out.”

You averted your gaze as you brought your hand to your center. Your breath caught audibly as you ran your fingers through. Yes, he was an ass, but your body would never stop craving his touch.

“Show me.”

Begrudgingly, you brought your hand back to him.

“Wow, how did I know you were lying? Touch yourself. Keep touching yourself until you come.”

You snorted. “Eww, no—”

He slammed his hand against the wall behind you and you fell silent again. “The same rules apply. Do it or I will do it for you.”

He had never spoken to you like this. Sure, there were the bad missions. There were the times when he just needed to fuck you to forget all the shit he had to deal with. But there was never a moment where you wondered if he would lose control, if he would hurt you unintentionally. Right now, maybe it wasn’t so much that you thought he would. You had known him long enough, loved him long enough, that you knew exactly what kind of man he was. Maybe, right now, it was that you wanted him to hurt you.

Nothing could be worse than when he left you. Nothing he did was going to hurt more than when you went back home and you were, once more, without him. Meaning that you wanted to take everything that you possibly could from this moment. All the pain, all the bruises, all those emotional scars that would add to the ones from before that you had idiotically convinced yourself you could ever get rid of.

He knew you were considering your next move and arched an eyebrow at your continuing silence.

You shook your head. “No.”

One of his hands shot up to wrap around your neck, the other hand went to your cunt where he slid two fingers into you with embarrassing ease.

You brought your hands up to his forearm and dug your nails into his skin. The harder you scratched him, the harder he would choke you—it was something established early on in your relationship. And if he was choking you, you couldn’t moan or whine like he wanted you to.

For a moment, you both stayed still. For an entire second, it wasn’t that he had left you, that you had to track him down, that you fucked his girlfriend and he was fucking furious about it. For a second, it was just you and him, like it was all the times before.

The problem was pride. It wasn’t like before and neither one of you wanted to let the other pretend. He hurt you. You hurt him. Before no longer mattered. So, you shut your eyes and turned your face away from him.

He thrust his fingers just slightly harder than you would have liked, slightly harder than he would have liked. It would sting in the morning, but you wouldn’t hate it. Crescent-shaped cuts would be found everywhere on his skin and he would mourn that they were healing too fast. Both of you knew that this was it. The end.

You were wet, that obscene sound drowning out your choked noises. He absolutely loved this, loved you. He had thought being with Peggy again would make him feel like he was finally home. It took him so long to figure out that he was wrong, to realize that you were one of the few people that actually felt like home. You and Bucky, Nat, Sam, Tony, Wanda, Thor. Not Peggy.

And he could no longer pretend when he felt you tighten around his fingers. He was fucked up and he ruined things a lot of the time. It was just in his DNA, even the fucking serum couldn’t fix that. But prior to leaving, he’d never ruined anything with you. He hadn’t realized how much he missed fucking you because he always did that right.

“Open your eyes,” he ordered.

Instead, you pushed harder at his arm and turned further away from him. Your hips started to buck against his hand, and he knew you wanted this, but he knew you were not going to give in without some fight.

“Open your fucking eyes, Y/N.”

You were not going to. After all the hell he’d put you through? Fuck that, fuck him. You were never going to give him anything he wanted ever again.

He yanked his hand away from your pussy and grabbed your jaw to turn your face to him. He knew that wouldn’t work alone and in a move of desperation, kissed you. A move to get you to let your guard down—a weak move that would not work. As his knee came up to your cunt and you began grinding against it, he started biting your lip.

You buried one hand in his hair and started pulling harder than you should have. He released your jaw to do the same to you. This was much different than how he usually touched you. He’d always been rough, but this hurt, actually hurt.

You rode his thigh with no assistance from him. He let your face go and dropped your hair in search of another tactic. You were no longer kissing, you instead rested your head on his shoulder, eyes still squeezed shut. Even when he grabbed your ass painfully, and when he smacked you after all you did was scream. Even when he grabbed your breasts and pulled on your nipples.

You kept your eyes shut the entire time and he was growing furious. He wasn’t going to let you feel anything even resembling pleasure if you weren’t going to give into him. He pulled away and grabbed your hips.

You opened your eyes then, concerned about what he was doing to you next. He grabbed your shoulder and shoved you onto the bed before you could say a word. You were on your stomach, facing away from him, busy lamenting the loss of your finish. You heard him undressing as you attempted to regain your breath and composure.

He was on top of you before that happened, yanking your legs open before he crawled up, hands stopping on either side of your head. He wasn’t going to tease, he was going to fuck you like the brat you were—hard, mean, unforgiving. He lowered his hips until his cock was lined up with your entrance and then thrust in.

Your scream must have scared the hell out of the neighbors. You wouldn’t be surprised if the cops were being called right then. It wasn’t a pleasurable scream, you certainly liked that he was inside you, but that was just your body. Your heart ached in a way that it never had. You’d thought you were never going to feel him again, but it wasn’t some beautiful feeling of reconnection. You were at square one, you would have to crave his body all over again once this was over. You would go through those same agonizing withdrawals that had truly destroyed you those first few months.

Steve grabbed your hair again and shoved your face into the mattress. He didn’t care about taking it slow, making sure that you, his precious, sweet girlfriend, were okay. He felt just as torn up as you and he couldn’t afford emotional consideration when he was so fucked up. He only knew what he wanted, for you to look at him like you used to. He would do whatever he had to do to get it. Part of him didn’t care how low he would have to go. He wasn’t Captain America here, he didn’t have to live up to the same standards.

You blindly reached back to try to catch his arm, but your attempts never even touched him. He didn’t seem to care about what you were attempting, he just fucked you. He held you down as his hips slammed against your ass and he moaned loudly, shamelessly, selfishly. You finally caught a hold of his arm and used the heel of your palm to push, but since you were out of breath and had been for quite some time, you doubted that there was any real force behind it.

“Can’t breathe, baby?” he wondered, hips still snapping, the head of his cock reaching that delicious spot inside you.

You dug your nails into his skin even though it was an uncomfortable stretch and your muscles were screaming. You were screaming, too, despite everything, despite the lack of strategy in that, but this felt too good not to. You hadn’t been fucked like this in so long, this was what you knew you would never get from someone else. This deep, soul-level connection was a one-time deal. No one else was ever going to be able to give you this.

“If I let you up, you better fucking look at me. I’m not kidding, Y/N. I’ll fucking hold you down again until I fucking come.”

Once his hand lifted from your head, you turned up and gasped for air. It was a short-lived relief as soon as his hand pressed into your neck and angled your head back. It wasn’t that you were scared, and you should have been because you wholeheartedly believed his threat, it was that you were happy to have an excuse to give in. He was stronger than you, right? No one could blame you for giving in, hell, you were just trying to save yourself. Right?

Your eyes met his and his hips stuttered. A ragged breath fell from his lips, you felt it on your hair. That hard look in his eyes softened, he looked a lot like that man that had promised you he would come back to you.

“I love you,” he breathed.

Your eyes instantly filled with tears and you clamped your mouth shut. Both hands were buried in the bedsheets because you needed something to hold, something to tear at, something to destroy to cope with the burning anger that was consuming you.

“I’m sorry, I love you.” His body moved erratically against yours, desperate for all the things he’d longed for since he’d left you. The two of you were sick together, desperate, twisted people that proved it in bed. Peggy wasn’t like that and he was drowning trying to act like he was normal, like he was that same man that she had been with what felt like centuries ago.

He collapsed, chin pressing into the bend of your neck, and you felt his cum spilling into you. His arms wrapped around you, holding you tight as he rode out his finish. He didn’t stop, however, now he wanted to get you off. He wanted to feel those same pathetic, proud things he experienced whenever he played your body like an instrument.

You didn’t resist, what would be the point? You fucking deserved an orgasm, at the very least. You were ashamed to admit that you wanted it, needed it. You hadn’t honestly felt alive since he left you, but this reminded you what that was like.

He groaned when he felt you tightening around him, his hand wedging between you and the mattress to get to your clit. When he did, it was over and you crashed like a wave against the shore, and you saw stars, and you felt all those things you felt when you were happily in love with a man you thought loved you back.

So, in conclusion, you felt lies.

If he thought he could fuck reality out of your mind, he was sadly mistaken. You were coming down when your hand started sliding across the mattress. Your gun was not the only precaution you took—you’d known Natasha for years and she would strangle you if that was your only form of protection.

He was kissing down your spine when you located your knife, and he had just started to speak when you turned back and just stabbed. You had a general awareness of where he was, you knew you weren’t going to kill him, and you didn’t want to. You just needed to get away, before he started talking, apologizing, making more promises.

You didn’t wait to see where you stabbed, you simply clawed away from him until you could jump from the bed. He cried out and you heard him grabbing for you, but you couldn’t stop for anything. On your bedstand was the necklace you had shown up for, you grabbed it, along with your long coat and then you were on your way out the door.

Running around completely naked in the 40s, clutching a trench coat you knew you weren’t going to leave without, shoeless, dripping sweat and cum—you’d never thought your beautiful life with Steve Rogers would take you here.

A Bucky Barnes lecture was the last thing you wanted, but it was the only thing you would be receiving for probably several months. Well, when he was done with his silent treatment. He was furious when you returned, he didn’t say a word to you. Everyone else had completely fawned over you. They hugged you, pet your hair, told you how proud they were that you came home.

Bucky just stared at you and when they all parted so he could speak to you, he simply stormed out of Bruce’s lab. But yes, Bruce was a tad betrayed, your expectation on that had been correct. You apologized profusely and brought him coffee every day, several times a day until he stopped looking at you like a kicked baby animal.

Tony was disappointed, but not to Bucky’s extent. He simply could not fathom the hold Steve had on you still, told you as much. You admitted that you were wrong, and well, with Tony, that was really all he needed. He wanted to be right and he wanted you to tell him that you learned your lesson. To the untrained eye, he would look like a narcissist. But you knew him better, you knew he was just scared of losing you. Again. He merely wanted to know that you were sticking around and that was what you conveyed when you told him you had made a mistake going in the first place. He dropped it, like it never happened.

Natasha didn’t let you out of her sight for almost two complete weeks. She watched you and you felt her watching you, but she wasn’t going to pry. She was angry, but she was still handling you with gloves on. She wasn’t going to push you emotionally no matter how badly she wanted to. She also wasn’t going to ask questions, scared that prying would move you further away. You told her you saw Steve and that you got what you needed, she nodded, and that was the end of it. She still watched you, but she was slyer about it. She made sure you were in your room when she woke up and went to bed, but she took up Tony’s pretending routine as well.

Wanda didn’t need to ask anything; she knew because she read your thoughts. She knew because she had been outraged that you left without a goodbye, so she felt entitled to those thoughts. Not because she needed to know what happened but because she needed to know if you were going to try anything else again. She stopped being mad at you one day when you were making Bruce coffee. You hadn’t heard her, you were there in the kitchen, stuck in your own thoughts. She hugged you tight, didn’t say a word, but just like that, it was over.

Almost everyone had gotten over it in record time. You knew you were an asshole and you apologized, and you meant it, but even if you hadn’t, it wasn’t like they were ever going to hold it against you. Sometimes, knowing that, it made you feel worse because these people loved you and just like Steve had done to you, you hurt them. In the exact same way. You left.

Sam was in a much more difficult position. He felt a duty to you as one of Steve’s closest friends, but he also felt for Bucky. You’d really hurt Bucky and Sam could forgive you for being reckless, psychotic almost, even selfish. But the look on Bucky’s face when they discovered that you were gone was a hard thing to shake.

He stopped ignoring you after a couple of days, but the conversations were short, shallow. He didn’t ask about your time there and he didn’t ask about your feelings after. It was all small talk and polite conversation, it seemed like you barely knew each other at all. But sometimes, you would catch him watching you, like he was looking for signs of something that he couldn’t ask you. He wanted to know if you were still torn up by this Steve thing.

You were. You cried a lot, as if it happened all over again. Technically, in a way, it did. But you didn’t show them that, it was no longer their burden to bear. You had caused them pain when they tried to take yours away. You waited until you were alone or out of the tower, you cried quietly and quickly. You did not allow yourself those days where you would just hole up in your room. You were always awake early, asleep late, and you took care of yourself because you owed them all at least that.

You knew when Bucky was less angry, but you weren’t going to approach him. You were totally fine just waiting for him to let you know when he wanted to speak to you, which was one random morning after you’d finished sparring with Nat.

He was waiting outside the gym, muttered that he wanted to speak to you, and even Natasha had the good sense to get lost. It wasn’t going to be pretty, that much was clear. It was in his tone, his eyes, his tense posture.

He took you back to your room and ordered you to sit on the foot of your bed. He paced for a long time and you didn’t say a word or make a sound. When he finally looked at you, you seriously worried he might kill you. He was angry all over again, had worked himself up with his thoughts but you weren’t sure why entirely.

“Did you see him?”

You nodded.

“You talked to him.”

“About…everything? Um, no, not really.” There hadn’t been that conversation. Any attempts on Steve’s part were expertly diverted by you, with all your ill intentions and knowledge of how to get under Steve’s skin.

He nodded curtly. “So, this was for nothing then? You put me through all of this shit for nothing?”

“Bucky, I’m really so—”

He was storming out of the room before you finished your sentence.

You didn’t see him for two days, and when you did, it was clear again, you would be getting more silence. You told yourself you couldn’t be that hurt. You’d hurt him first, that meant he had the right to express his feelings even if that resulted in him not speaking to you.

Several days later, Bucky dropped his Winter Solider persona and became a worried, bitter mother hen. You were sick, it wasn’t something that you thought was a big deal. He’d come to speak to you again and with his enhanced hearing, heard you puking in the bathroom.

When you were done, he forced you back into bed and got Bruce. Bruce did the usual, it wasn’t as if anyone was worried, he was just too scared not to indulge Bucky. Speaking of, he was off in the corner of the room, claiming that you’d probably gotten some kind of time-traveling bug. He was being dramatic, and you became aware of what exactly had drawn him and Steve together all those years ago. Extra bitches.

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Bruce assured. “Her temperature is fine.”

“Take her blood, test it for time-traveling bugs.”

You rolled your eyes, and because Bruce had heard of the Winter Soldier, he did as was directed. Even though you were pretty sure that Bucky wasn’t serious. Not completely. Once Bruce had the excuse of focusing on your blood, that left you and Bucky alone.

“Why did you even go?”

This was not going to go over well. “Um…I had a plan…”

“A plan,” he repeated. “To do what?”

“I was sort of…kind of, just a little bit, going to kill Peggy.”

His mouth dropped.

You rolled your eyes. “I know that was stupid—”

“You’re insane!”

You glared. “Bucky.”

“You didn’t do it, right?!”

“No,” you huffed. “I should have, would have been putting her out of her misery. He’s such a fucking tool.”

He dragged his hand down his face, holding his jaw as he leaned over in his chair and pressed his elbows to the tops of his thighs. He was silent for a very long time before saying, “Yeah…he is. Did he hurt you?”

The bruises had been painfully obvious, there was no way to hide them, and you knew they could all guess what they came from. You felt your skin getting hot as you shook your head. “No. He wouldn’t do that, Bucky.”

He scoffed. “I thought that…but he did leave you and I never thought he could do that.”

“He’s…not different,” you claimed. “Just…”

“A fucking tool.” He nodded. “I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“No, I’m really sorry, Bucky. I’m not just sorry for leaving and upsetting you. I’m sorry for everything, I’m sorry that you wasted months trying to make me feel better and then I just left. I’m sorry that I took you guys for granted, I’m sorry that I didn’t know how fortunate I was to have people who love me as much as you guys do. I know I betrayed your trust so it’s not going to mean much, but I will never do anything like that again.”

His eyes flit up from the floor to your face. “I do love you. So fucking much. You’re my only connection to him. And you left and I didn’t have that, I didn’t have you and I didn’t have him, and I was just…lost.”

You felt those familiar pricks in the back of your eyes, but you told yourself not to cry, you didn’t have the right. But just as soon as his eyes filled with tears, you couldn’t hold back your own anymore. He practically flung himself off the chair to rush to you, arms wrapping tightly around your shoulders.

You weren’t sure how long you both stayed there, just clinging to each other. This felt like the end of all the tension, though. This felt like a fresh start and you and Bucky were just going to have to move on without Steve. You pondered that for a while. You would have to try to find him a girlfriend or a boyfriend so he wouldn’t try to find you someone. It was going to be a little give and take, probably a major power-struggle every now and then, but it was going to be good.

The only reason you two pulled away was because both a frantic Bruce and Natasha ran into the room. They’d made all the noise two people could possibly make as they did so, crashing into each other because the doorway wasn’t big enough for the both of them.

They were wide-eyed, out of breath, both looking like they had just seen a ghost. But a much different ghost since they both regarded one another with a look of confusion.

“What is it?” Bucky demanded. “Wait, she doesn’t really have a time-traveling bug, does she?”

“Oh!” Bruce scoffed awkwardly, “I’d say so!”

You narrowed your eyes. “What the hell does that mean?”

“That can wait!” Natasha declared.

“No, it certainly cannot!” Bruce insisted.

These were two people who were normally soft-spoken, not because they were meek or soft in any general sense—hello, Black Widow and the Hulk—but in that they didn’t like drawing so much attention to themselves.

As they both started hissing arguments back at each other, Bucky sighed.

You glanced at him and he shrugged at you in response. Things were all better one second, but the very next, the world was ending.

Both Bruce and Natasha turned back to you with resolute looks on their faces. Natasha only spoke loudly this time because she was hoping to yell over Bruce, “Steve is back!” And Bruce yelled in a completely indelicate manner because he was shocked, horrified, extremely concerned, “You’re pregnant!”

Oh, shit.

Natasha and Bruce took a second to process what the other said and then gasped, turning to one another to share a look. They faced you again and decided to repeat the news only, Bruce screamed about Steve being back and Natasha more so framed it as a shrieking question you’re pregnant?!

You glanced at Bucky.

His jaw was set, his eyes narrowed just slightly. He merely nodded once then stood, throwing his hands up in the air. “Well, I’m gonna fucking kill him.”

Yep, the world was most certainly ending.

[stuckybarton]

Sucker For Pain i

SUMMARY: You were new to the team, but what everyone didn't know was you weren't so new to the God of Mischief. CHARACTERS: Loki Laufeyson x Ex!Reader [Ex to Lovers again?] WARNINGS: Profanities. Suggestive Themes. Slight Angst and horrible self-image. Grammar Mistakes. English not being my first language. [Not Beta’d tho] WORDS: 2,956 CHAPTERS: [1/3] A/N; Life happened and yeah, didn’t have much time to write. Not my best work for this mini-series, but I’m fighting through for this. Hope you guys enjoy~

PART TWO | PART THREE

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"Agent Y/N Y/L/N." You introduced yourself the first moment you were escorted into the compound by Director Nick Fury. Multiple sets of faces both new and old had come to greet you. For a moment you wouldn't even believe that this is was the new life you would find yourself to be a part of from now on.

Years in the job for SHIELD before disappearing off the grid to get as much information about HYDRA, everyone had thought you had betrayed them and you had accepted that they would think so lowly of you after all the near-deaths you had to endure on the job. Even with the mission becoming more of a death wish, you had accepted the role Nick had given you all those years ago and now you were rewarded, immensely. A spot on the Avengers as part of the Earth's Mightiest Heroes.

The familiar face of Nat was the first to greet you with a hug. A fiercely tight one, it had been so long since you've seen a friend. Then your eyes fell towards the rest of the team; Bucky Barnes, who you had a few close encounters with during your time with HYDRA. You had witness everything they had done to him and stood on trail to clean his name. Steve Rogers, who, with Sharon Carter, had assisted in guarding Steve while SHIELD was still under HYDRA's control. But among the familiar faces, one stood out the most.

Loki Laufeyson.

To many, the man was a snake, a God that had once brought death and destruction in New York. But to you, he was different, this was the man that you had spent your lonely nights with while under the guise of a traitor. It had once just been a physically thing between the two of you, neither wanting to know about each other's lives. You knew he was a God, a man that had wronged the world, but he had never known about you, the woman that had painted yourself as a traitor for the better of the world. The one that had been called every name on the book for the sake of making sure you did your part right.

Then it got serious between the two of you. Admission of love was told between both of your lips. But it was dangerous for you two to be together especially when you were already told by Fury that you can come back to the surface. You didn't know what side he was on, and you did not have the heart to make him choose if the time would come.

So you two parted. A month ago. The pain still throbbing you like an unattended bullet hole right through your heart. It was still so painful to look at him and not remember him crumbling on his knees begging you to stay. The first sob that escaped his lips and forever haunted your dreams. A never-ending loop in the back of your head as your demons screamed at you for breaking an already broken man.

"I for one am happy you're finally here. Another woman to add to an already Man's Man world in the compound." Nat teased glancing towards the other individuals that had come to know the new face. "With introductions out of the way, you've got a lot of explaining to do for the past few years."

You could only smile at your friend. You did have so much to explain to her, things had been murky between you and Clint, but after everything, Nat had refused to believe you would betray them, betray her, and it was finally a relief to be able to return back home, seeing the people that mean the most to you.

"Tell me about it." You muttered allowing Nat to quickly pull your away from the crowd, but it missed your eyes how he was still looking. Ice blue eyes a contract to the burning gaze he had towards you.

Forget about him. Forget about him. You were here for a new opportunity. No him. Never him.

For the next few weeks, everyone had grown to accept you in your new role as part of the Avengers. You kept up with Steve, Bucky, and Sam during their runs. Sam more than happy to finally have someone that had the same pace as him, but only for you to laugh and out run him just to get a reaction out of the high flier. Tony and Bruce had also found a kinship in you, having provided them enough information about HYDRA's experiments and location made most of their missions easier. Then there was Nat and Clint, your confidant in this new life. Every single moment that was not dedicated to a mission was spent with them; may it be movie night or a simple get together outside the compound, often times bringing Wanda and Vision along just to mess with you and call you a 5th wheel of the group.

But among number of members on the team, everyone had noticed you constantly avoided one Thor Odinson and one Loki Laufeyson. The only real time you would even dare talk to either of the brothers would be during training--other than that, you tried your best to avoid them, Loki most especially. Every single moment that would force the two of you to be in the same room, Loki had a glare while you tried your best to avoid his gaze.

Everyone noticed, everyone didn't seem to worry too much. It comes with having a former-villain part of the team. They thought you would eventually get used to the God's presence just as much as they did.

"You ever gonna tell me what's going on between you and Loki?" Nat inquired avoiding your punch.

What you hated the most about sparring with Nat was her capability of multitasking. Talking and snooping about someone else's business while also kicking their ass in the process--this was the predicament you were in right in this very moment.

"Nothing is going on." You muttered landing back first on the mat after being thrown like a rag doll by Nat. Eyes looking at the ceiling, you wondered if it was a good idea to actually come clean to her about her past with the God of Mischief. "I know what he's done to New York and I think you can't blame me for taking precaution when it comes to him."

Nat now comes hovering on top of you, the narrowed eyes and gentle smirk was all you needed to know--she knew it was bullshit. But when she had stopped pushing you for more information, it was enough for you to just change the subject.

"They found Dominic?" You inquired. One of the first big missions that everyone was focusing on was one of the leading Scientist for HYDRA. With the exposure of HYDRA to the world, some of them had moved away and found themselves in much shadier company, much to everyone's radar now spiking.

Dominic Wagner was, in part, partially responsible for the Winter Soldier program in the modern era. One of the pioneers in moving the project into a much younger sets of test subjects. You lost contact with the man as soon as your got back into the surface, but it had also meant a target was on your back when they found out you were a double agent.

"He's in Russia. Wasting away all the funding for the program with parties" Nat points out. "Still a better way to spend the money that abducting kids everywhere."

You nodded, memories of files upon files for the prospects still haunted you to this day.

"When are you taking him out?" You inquired. In your time with the SHIELD, the red in both of your ledger had made you two a hot commodity if the situation present itself as shoot to kill. Neither of you would hesitate. You knew you would now, after everything, but if it means one less bad people in this earth, you would swallow your new morals.

"Fury wants him alive." She pointed out finally standing back up to her own two feet, leaving you on your back, staring at the ceiling in deep thought. "I know as much as you do, we want him dead for everything he has done, but we need him alive so we can get the others."

You nodded, this was one of the few things you had to get used to as part of the team. Death was best solution in SHIELD--at least in your team, not here. As long as you were part of Steve's team, you would need to choose whether or not killing would be the best option. Hope that you weren't so blessed to be given in your time under.

"I get a first shot when we don''t have any use of him anymore." You muttered finally standing back up with Nat's help. Steps faltering at the sight of the God of Mischief, training with the likes of Peter Parker, Sam Wilson, and Bucky Barnes. A weird mix up, but wasn't hard to understand why.

"Why don't you shoot your shots with him for now." Nat teased, finally making you break from staring at the plain black shirt and green sweatshort-clad Loki Laufeyson. "If we try to ignore the death count during his attack, he is sort-of your type in men." Nat wiggled her brows. quick to avoid you as you attempted to swat her in the ass, eyes now turned away from God and his training partners.

"By type, you mean psychotic with possible Daddy-issue? Then you might just be right." You snort.

"I'm offended you think of me as such, Darling"

Jerking your head to the owner of the voice, how the hell did he sneak up behind you without you noticing. You glanced at Nat in panic and like the traitor that she was, made a terrible excuse of being needed in Bruce's lab. Now being left in the man's presence, you could all but remember the last time you had been this close to the man.

Heartbreaks.

Words that you didn't mean.

Words that he didn't mean.

It still hurt you, and you were sure it hurts him just as much, if not more now, finally realizing why there had been a need for a breakup between the two of them all those weeks ago.

"Here I thought I would have someone to trust. You mortals continue to disappoint me." He hissed.

Your eyes glanced at the other training trio, noticing all three of them were in their own little world to even noticed what was going on between the two of them.

"Tell me, Darling..." He whispered, head leaning towards the shell of your ears. The familiar shiver run through your skin as just his voice. Memories of the very things his silver tongue had whispered had you flustered and breathless, more than from your earlier training with Nat. "Was it satisfying to play with a God?"

Before you could even mutter a word, his constantly gentle hand now covered your jaw, emitting a squeak from your lips and stopping you from saying a word. He was never this forceful, nor did he do anything that would hurt you. Was this the true nature of the man you had finally thought you have been the best part of you. To have loved a man that everyone was right to stay away from?

"Or is it shame finally coming to you, to be ever involved with someone like me?"

You tried to pry his hand away from you, but he was too strong--stronger than you could ever think of being.

"Or is this you taking your opportunity to move from one bed to another? Who will it be this time, Y/N? My oaf of a brother or will it be Soldier out of time? Who will you whore this time?"

And you finally snapped. With a resounding slap, all three individuals had heard your attack on the man and Loki finally releasing his hold on your jaws. A chuckle escaped his lips and only brought the first line of tears to fall from your eyes. You never wanted to believe him to be a monster, but here he was, proving her wrong.

"I am in doubt of the foundation of our relationship for the past years, Y/N. I am the God of Mischief and Lies and the only mortal I had ever truly opened to had done this to me. Lied to me for such a long time, lied about the entirety of our relationship."

"You will never understand."

"Oh no," he chuckled darkly, eyes glaring straight into your own. "I understand well enough to know, you would never love someone like me and I deserve every lie and heartache I am enduring because of everything I have ever done in my past."

Before you could defend yourself and the genuinity of your relationship with the God, he had made his excuse. Leaving you to ponder of the true damage of your breakup with Loki, and the aftermath it had now held for the both of you. He was right, you had lied, and either way, their relationship will fall apart because of those lies.

He was the God of Mischief and Lies.

Yet, he did not expect for this biggest lie to break him the most. The separation had been painful, he had always hoped for a better life with you. Then a month passed since your breakup, he sees you, it hits him like a sharp knife to the chest all over again. He experience the pain of a stab to the chest, but it would never compare to the pain of seeing you in this very compound with the truth of your life that you refused to ever open to him.

This was karma coming to haunt him it seems.

It had been well over a week now since the first time he had actually confronted you about everything. It wasn't how he planned for things to go through. He never wanted to hurt you, but he was a monster after all. A monster that his own father had told his people to avoid. A bedtime story to scare mischievous kids into submission.

He had always thought after everything he had to endure, had to do, had to escape, he could finally live a peaceful life. A life to finally start anew. A life where he could finally change for the best. A mortal woman had made him make those ideas come into reality, you had always became the reason why he would never have his redemption in life.

A bitter idea with no possible resolution.

How could he have ever believed that anyone would ever love someone like him? After everything he had ever done, he was never allowed to be loved. You had proved that somehow.

'Mr. Laufeyson, you are needed for a meeting with the team'

Breaking from his little bubble. He sighed finally returning back to reality, into the little comforts the library could give him. The week had been gruelling for him, three individual witnessed the altercation between himself and you. It had spread like wildfire, but thanking the Gods that no one was able to listen to the conversation.

He had to endure most of the questioning. In everyone's eyes, he was, after all, still under everyone's constant scrutiny. A man that no one could trust. But he refused to say a single word knowing you did the same thing. It was better to keep your mouth shut instead of letting people know exactly what had happened. Somehow that brought a smile on his face. He might not share a future with you, but might as well make the most out of making your life a living hell, as much you did it to him.

Shutting the book he was barely even reading, he placed the book back into the shelf before walking his way towards the meeting room.

He could easily teleport, but he preferred to enjoy his moments of peace without his oaf of a brother breathing down his neck or Stark constantly testing his patience with his quips. It also gave him a moment to school his features, he knew well enough about the mission to know you would also be in attendance. Be more invested in this mission than anyone else.

It was a few things he was relearning about you now that you were out in the open as everyone claims you to be. You were a free spirited being that could meld with anyone you were in the area with. He had watched you throw relentless jabs at Tony during your first few days that had the man surprisingly raise a white flag. But the most dangerous thing he had to learn was the familial relationship you had with one Natasha Romanoff and Clint Burton, two people that he kept his distance with the most.

"Professor Snape has finally graced us with his presence."

Loki has learned since joining the team to choose his battle when it comes to Tony. This was one of those moment. Finding a vacant chair besides his brother, he had taken his seat. A big mistake on his part as he finds from across the table, you sat. In between a glaring Romanoff and Barton.

Wearing a smirk, just to get on the two super spies' nerve, he turned his attention right back into the meeting. He begins formulating a few little schemes to not only get on the two's nerved, but most especially yours.

[katyawriteswhump]

omega cafe, chapter 6 preview

This week's preview💚

Summary: Steve is a runaway Omega who gets a job at an Omega café, where he’s basically paid to curl up and purr in Alphas’ laps. It’s legal, and he earns a living, rents his own place. He’s getting along fine for a packless Omega. Then Alpha rockstar Eddie Munson turns up for an hour of ‘kitty’ petting, and shatters Steve’s fragile little world…

Chapter 1 on tumblr (also index post) Chapter 2 on tumblr Chapter 3.1 Chapter 3.2 Chapter 4.1 Chapter 4.2 Chapter 5.1 Chapter 5.2

Read on AO3

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“Okay, possessive Alpha is making me wet.” Steve smirked and wriggled in Eddie’s lap. “Seriously, tho’. You gonna drag me into jail with you too?”

“I’ll cancel that gig! I’ll cancel the whole damn tour, Babe. I can’t have you without me, ev—”

“Eddie? Zip it.” Steve planted a coffee-tinged kiss on Eddie’s lips then another on his stubbly cheek. “Look, I totally get it. Believe me, I wanna come with you. I never want to part from you. But it’s only a fortnight, and you can’t let your fans down—it’s not their fault where they live. Besides, going back to North County would stress me… Um… what are you doing? Oh shit, are you doing what I think you’re doing… Gnnnng, Eddie!”

Yup, Eddie was scenting his Omega. 

He’d gotten his face buried in Steve’s throat, and he was breathing deep of Steve’s perfume. His Alpha fangs quickened instantaneously. And yes, his own scent glands pumped like they were trying to dump a lifetime’s supply all at once.

His blood thundered in his ears. A red veil slammed in front of his eyes, and his lips peeled back. Steve flopped his head back, growing heavier against Eddie, no longer able to support his own weight. “Yes, yes, yes. Mark me. Bite me… Make you yours, Alpha.”

His fangs poised over the Omega’s quivering lifeblood, and began grazing the top layer of skin. Then he ripped himself from the brink. Instead, he lapped lovingly up Steve’s throat and moved away.

“Eddie,” whined Steve. “Ugh, I’m getting slick on your lap, dipshit. What are you doing?”

“I’m learning how to wait.” Eddie tipped up Steve’s chin with his knuckles, hardly believing his newfound self-control.  “I want to bite you, but it wouldn’t be fair. You’ll feel kinda giddy for a few days after, maybe even sick.  I want to be there for you, every minute of that.”

“I feel kinda giddy now,” said Steve weakly.

After some reassuring snuggles, they finished their coffee. By which time, they’d come up with a plan. Eddie would go on tour, flying back for a couple of days in the middle of the fortnight. Steve would stay, to sort out his apartment and say farewell to his friends at ‘Kitties.’

“Then we’ll finish courting properly,” vowed Eddie. “If just to keep Wayne and Robin from sharpening their claws on our faces. We’ll make plans for our nest and our pups.” Steve jumped, squeaked. “You do want pups, Steve?”

“Yeah… yeah!” He was nodding so hard, his hair flopped down over his eyes. “Yeah, it’s just… I never dreamed! It’s a lot to take in, Eddie.”

[hohoz]

How RE Village (8) SOLVED almost every problem that I had with RE Series

Okay - a few weeks ago I made a post that was “The ones that suffer the most” where I showed and explained my main problems with Chris and Jill and the RE series in general 

RE 1 is my fav game of this series and probably one of my all time favs, I player every RE there is to be played except 4 (because I dislike Leon, sry) 

Recently, specially after 4, the franchise had a few problems, specially in writing/map design/lore 

Resident evil 5 for example (I love this game) but it has it flaws, Chris there is only driven by anger and action - Sheva is used as a tool for lore exposition and to be Chris’s new partner 

PLEASE: be aware that game at that generation didn’t have much lore - with some exceptions, like God of War 1 2 3 were a simply game with a simple lore, and the most recent GoW has evolved a little bit in the storytelling

Until we hit rock bottom in RE6 - I know a lot of people like this game, but this is only and action game, bad writing and generic stages. 

Chris there is so mistreated that makes me mad (if you want to read more about this go to my other post “the ones that suffer the most”)

Until RE7 appeared, Capcom had a new engine and they wanted to do a game that was more horror like - since RE is know for being a Survival horror game.

I liked 7 - some people complained about Ethan being without emotion and others complained about the mold, a few didn’t like the FEAR vibes from Eveline. 

I personally enjoyed the game, I thought RE series was going back on track, that game has it’s problems but it was really nice compared to what we had in 6.

After that game I had a conversation with my best friend and I said that I wanted a game that portrayed Umbrella’s fall since the only game that shows this is Umbrellas Chronicles (and that is most a resume of what happened)

And I said: “Bro, I wish that when they made that game, they could tie some mythological lore and human evolution before Umbrella - using Spencer, this would solve LOT OF STUFF and open new ways to handle this series”

and guess what - this happened in RE8 and kudos to the one writer that did that, i have my gratitude. 

RESIDENT EVIL 8 is probably one of the BEST RE games that we had IN YEARS

And I want to address all thing that I loved in this game and do some predictions to what will happen in the next games.

“WELL WELL IF IT ISN’T ETHAN WINTERS” (The Father of the year)

My father was not a great guy... really, so I want to be the best dad ever, I really want be like Ethan - a guy who is ready to sacrifice and fight every monster in the way to save my family. 

Ethan was a character that in RE7 was used to make us fell like that it was us in the Baker’s house, so that is why he didn’t had that much personality (in my opinion) but they changed that in RE8, here he has nice dialogues AND a diary 

He has one of the best story line in the whole REverse, a guy that did EVERYTHING in his power to save his daughter - and you saw that playing the game, every sentence line that he delivered, he tried to save others too and even tho Chris said to him stay put ... but he couldn’t, he had to go to the altar, he had to help Chris, he had to go forward and keep going, specially after having the tools to face Heisenberg. 

The plea from a father, that was his last wish, after he heard that Mia was alive he knew that someone had to stop that monster, he made a promise to his daughter “Daddy won’t let those weird fairy tale monsters get you” so he trusted Chris, to be the one that teaches his kid how to be brave and strong

I will not address Chris and Rose situation here because this is Ethans part and he deserves completely all the spotlight, his sacrifice was 100x times better than Steve (CV)/Piers(6)

My cheers to Ethan Winters - You have my respect !

Revelations -> RE8 

So leaks from earlier times said that RE8 sucked and Revelations 3 was amazing

Revelations FYI is know for using old tales in RE stories 

Revelations 1 - Dante’s Inferno 

Revelations 2 - Frans Kafka 

Revelations 3 - Dracula 

But since RE8 sucked, Capcom said to the REV3 team that they could make REV3 become RE8 and they accepted 

Revelations series is one of the best in the games, they handle Jill in a way that I love, Claire and even Barry - so they deserve all the spotlight for making this awesome game - you CLEARLY can see that they love this series and that they treat all the characters with the love that they deserve. 

Keeping that in mind, they are the same team that made Rev 2 and in REV 2 we have this file here 

So they had a plan for Jill and we can see that in RE8 - I will address that later but keep that in mind - this team cares for the old characters, they were the ones that brought Barry back to the games :V 

Chris Redfield 

This is a hard one, because he is my fav character and I usually have the most critics regard him, since I’ve expect a lot from Capcom 

In the latest games they made him kind dumb, only muscles type of guy and an alcoholic that let all the people in his surroundings die (RE5,RE6,Vendetta) 

RE6 treats him the WORST

But in RE8 he had an amazing part in the storyline, it was obvious that he wasn’t evil and they FIXED HIS EYE COLOR - FINALLY 

I still don’t like the model face that much but it’s way better than 7 - so I believe Capcom, I still feel that he need more jawline 

But let’s go to the most important thing - here he really feels like a squad leader and a veteran, he has his team but he is the one in the front line, he covers and ask for help when he needs, everything about his line delivery makes you feel like “Woah, this guy is a badass, he is not some stupid guy only driven by emotions”

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FINALLY GETTING THIS RIGHT 

If you remember my post about the ones that suffer the most / Jill is also in that list and I will talk about her a little bit later but if my guess is right RE8 saved her character aswell

Another thing that I enjoyed here is the fact that he is kind of a mercenary / Neo Umbrella kind of guy, even tho he is one of the founders of the BSAA

So I will give you all my score to this game: 

9/10

I won’t give 10/10 because of some technical issues, the cursor lock didn’t work and mouse sensitivity was i dunno, not the best. 

RE8 and the future (PREDICTIONS)  - Jill Valentine, Chris Redfield, BSAA, Neo Umbrella, Ada Wong and Rosemary

First let’s look Rose

The first time I saw Rose all grown up - I thought to myself : She has the same problem as Eveline (age a lot faster than normal) 

But she also absorbed Miranda’s power since the metalicite (something like this) thought that she was a better host. - so maybe she will live longer or something because I doubt that they will do a 14 years time skip. 

This is not the same as Terra Save logo (Claire’s job) but it kind reminds me of it - her shoes appeared at least 3 times in this cut scene so maybe they are trying to show some hints with this 

She really reminds me of Jodie (Beyond two souls, a game where a girl has a lot of power and the gov uses her in missions and stuff, but she also is learning how to be her own person) 

Another thing here is that they don’t have a logo in this car, it really reminds me the car that Chris as using in RE8 

This supports the theory that Chris’s organization is dealing with her instead of the BSAA, the she is a hot headed girl and that she had a lot of powers. 

So here you can say that she is just a kid because she is a teenager, but what if she actually grows older really fast (like Eveline) maybe this is just 1 year later / 2 yrs later. (after RE8)

So this is the tricky part, this is Chris’s guard/soldier, someone that Chris trust to stand by her side, in my mind I do believe that Chris is kind of a father figure to her, so when this guys says this he is thinking about hot head Chris but she replies “Yeah” thinking about Ethan - (she has the mold memories, so she can actually remember Ethan’s memories) 

Now let’s look at this 

BSAA 

So in REV1 is hinted that BSAA is not the best organization in the world, but since our heroes work there we think that they are the good guys right ? 

In REV 2 (it’s important to remember that the team that created RE8 is the same from the REVELATIONS and they had this file here in REV2)

This email is from Jill and what does Jill have ? T-Virus 

Wesker is a different case since he was a project and she had the vaccine but this would make a lot of sense if they had this tests with Jill to get the T-Virus

If that is the case, they explained Jill’s absence in the main games, could even explain why Chris left BSAA and opened a new window to a lot of possibilities 

My Predictions: 

- Chris had trouble dealing with BSAA and Jill’s case, he wanted to get her out of there, maybe he removed her from there but that resulted in him being expelled from the force

-Jill may or may not know what they are doing with her blood, but she will have a huge part in the BOW used by BSAA 

-Chris is married to Jill (sorry- I had to place this here, in a perfect world he has two kids with her and they all love aunt Rose) 

-Chris will hopefully be a father figure to Rose and they will be in a game together since in the end they came to get her

-Rebecca is still involved in BSAA activities (leak from new REV3) if you consider Vendetta canon, she maybe the one that used Jill’s sample of blood to create the virus soldiers

-Barry maybe retired 

-I don’t think Leon will be in this game, but he will get his RE4 Rmk 

- I do believe RE9 will be release after Code veronica rmk and MAYBE they will do a game about Umbrella’s Fall (Chris and Jill in Europe against Red Queen and BOWs) 

But that is it, you can see a lot of elements from old RE games in RE8, they tried to do something really smart and the game felt amazing to play, that was something else and it’s been a while since a player a RE game that made me feel that way <3

[d-u-s-t-9379]

The Suggestion of Silence (38707 words) by d_U_s_t Chapters: 20/? Fandom: Grand Theft Auto V Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Michael De Santa/Original Female Character(s), Trevor Philips/Original Female Character(s) Characters: Michael De Santa, Trevor Philips, Franklin Clinton, Lester Crest, Original Female Character(s), Steve Haines, Devin Weston Additional Tags: Kidnapping, Drug Use, Science Fiction, Deviates From Canon, Romance, Slow Burn, Violence, Humor, Action, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Non-Explicit Sex, Protectiveness, Possessive Behavior, Age Difference, Slow Build, Kissing, Jealousy, Crimes & Criminals, Mild Smut, Love Triangles Summary:

‘Because that’s how you get people to stay. You tie them to you with strings of crime; drugs; violence; murder. And then they can’t ever leave, because they’re either like Wade – too addicted and useless to survive without you – or Floyd – too culpable in your insanity to get away clean.’

‘I don’t give a fuck about Wade or Floyd! I just want you…’

How does a rescue become a kidnapping?

Well, after encountering the unholy trinity Ashley Harding is about to find out. And with secrets in her past she would rather not be brought to light, there’s nothing that could be less conducive to the quiet life of her dreams than the sudden scrutiny she’s found herself under. So why does she find the lives of these three hot-headed, criminally inclined, completely psychotic men so alluring?

When the intelligent thing would be to run as far and as fast in the opposite direction – why is she finding herself drawn ever deeper into this strange, dangerous, and ultimately thrilling new world?

***

Book cover and banner designed by me! I take commissions so, if you'd like one for your work hit me up here or on tumblr - d-u-s-t-9379

***

Chapter 20: Make Me, Sex Pest!

Who ordered the fake fight distraction trope? With a side order of they actually do want to deck each other tho.

[atlantablack]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

tagged by: @being-luminous thanks much for the tag 💖💖

This is such a daunting challenge god, picking my five favorites god. but alright let's see here. No wait, this was actually so fucking hard holy shit

1. Remember me love when I'm reborn

In one life Harry Potter lies dead on a forest floor. Eyes unseeing and body cold. Voldemort laughs and tries to ignore the gaping emptiness that has expanded in his chest.

In another, time ripples and Harry appears in the middle of a forest. Eyes bright and death wrapped around her like a cloak.

In a life that could have been, Harry flings herself from Hagrid’s arms and wins the war. Lives her life ignoring the gaping hole in her chest where someone else’s soul used to sit.

This is the very first multi-chapter fic I ever wrote and finished. I'd also just joined a discord server that ended up really motivating me to write and where I ended up meeting @kitastrophea and @queerofthedagger in 2019, two of my best friends. so this fic really encapsulates that era of my life, of getting back into writing, and making friends that I can't imagine life without and it has a very special place in my heart.

2. a god at an altar, a beggar full of faith

The dawn was breaking the bones of your heart like twigs. You had not expected this, the bedroom gone white, the astronomical light ... - Visible World by Richard Siken

For every person that sinks magic beneath Arthur's skin like an offering, another tries to murder him, always furious when the magic harmlessly bounces off, Arthur held safe by the sacrifices of those who have died for him.

He wonders if they knew that he was aware of what they were doing. He spends a lot of time wondering why they would protect him. His father has them murdered and still more come, always in disguise, sometimes only brushing past him in the marketplace, a finger to his wrist, a hand to his back, the sweet rush of protection burrowing beneath his skin and promising safety.

He wonders how long it is until they decide to stop protecting the son of their butcher?

I wrote this for Merlin Holidays 2021 and it's one of my favorite fics I've written for the Merlin fandom. I was in the middle of resisting the urge to write marvel fic too and some tropes carried over that ended up fitting really well. I'm also really proud of the little details I winded through it and the bits of backstory I gave Arthur.

3. no (wo)man is an island

Holding someone’s soul next to your own for seventeen years leaves behind an echo.

An echo is all that’s needed to carry a voice across space (and time).

I just like this one lol we need more fem!Harry where it's also fem!Voldemort!

4. so keep up your heart, and tell me, as it shapes itself

P.S. Allen Ginsberg to Peter Orlovsky -- 1958 Tho I long for the actual sunlight contact between us I miss you like a home. Shine back honey & think of me.

Steve says, he's my friend, and Sam spends a year chasing Bucky across Europe. Spends the next year missing him.

One of the biggest reasons I started writing for sambucky was because I read this very specific trope of Sam helping Steve look for Bucky after catws and finding him, and writing my own version of that trope is just, god, this fic is like my favorite younger child. I'm so incredibly proud of it and love it a lot. Writing this also really helped me shape the way I write Sam <3

5. half in the shadows (half burned in flame)

He gets as far as New York before his body goes into withdrawal. Before he remembers that Hydra had stuck a failsafe in him so he’d go down long enough to be found.

Before he remembers that he'd run before. (He doesn’t want to go back. He doesn’t want to. He never wants to and it never matters.)

This time it does.

Last, but certainly not least, my first really huge sambucky fic. I started this thing in January and just finished it like a week ago. It grew so much larger than I ever meant for it to be and I loved every second of it. It was one of the big first things that @magicinavalon and I bonded over, and I put so much love into this fic. It's always going to be my baby in this fandom, the fic that really grabbed me and said hey, you're in it now babe. Have fun down the rabbit hole <3

tagging: @magicinavalon @yammz @kitastrophea @obsessivelymoody @jules-of-the-crown and @queerofthedagger again just because <3

[thinger-strang]

i live in the pacific northwest part of america and right now were going through an awful heatwave and my house has no ac so heres some thoughts about billy adjusting to heat after the mindflayer

billy recovers enough to be released from the hospital about mid september so the weather has cooled way down

he actually likes the colder weather bc now he can wear hoodies and sweaters all the time without getting weird looks

he's got his own apartment now and is adjusting actually quite nicely

and obviously there's steve who right now is billy's best friend and while billy is crushing hard, he wouldn't change that for the world

but the summer's coming back around and billy didn't realize how much he is not ready for that

he's been so used to the weather being chilly and letting him hide his body that that first warm day hit him like a truck

he panics because hes been wearing hoodies every day and now hes suddenly hot in his hoodie? he thinks for a brief second hes possessed again

he calms himself down bc he knows hes not he can't hear or feel the mindflayer inside him

leaves him on edge all day tho

but this soon becomes a regular occurrence where billy is just too hot and has to wear less and drink ice cold water and if the heat is really bad, take cold baths

and he's just nervous and scared all the time bc this is exactly what he had to do all last summer just to keep the murderous visions away

steve helps when he can, tells billy that everyone is hot, that billy has a lower tolerance for heat now, that it's hot as balls outside, just helps keep billy calm

doesn't stop the panic attacks but helps with the general nervousness

there have been a few times where billys been taking an ice bath with steve there (bc steve is over at his apartment more often than not nowadays) and he'll sit on the ground next to the tub and just talk to billy and sometimes if billy isn't all there he'll kinda play with billys hair

and he'll bring this big ass fan over and they'll just sit in front of it and shoot the shit

this one time steve came over to find billy with his head in the freezer and steve just laughs then comes over to run billys back and ask "you doin okay big guy?"

billy just nods and steve drops a soft kiss onto billys shoulder before collapsing onto billys stout sunken couch

neither of them realize until later than night after they'd find to bed; steve on the couch and billy a room over

billy gets up and opens the door to find steve hovering a knuckle over the door frame

"did you mean it?"

"it just kinda happened but i meant it"

"okay"

"alright"

"do you.... can you stay? with me, in here, i mean?"

"of course"

and then they shared a bed and billys hasnt felt this warm or safe in a long ass time

[phdna]

there's Something in me that's ruined by the fact that bucky was in on steve's plan (tho to what extent we don't know, bc writing differences etc and the look on bucky's face when steve didn't immediately come back in endgame destroyed me) and yet he's the one who is clinging to steve's memory so strongly, and that's not to say that sam doesn't care bc that's nowhere NEAR the case, but I think that moment where bucky takes out steve's book and starts fiddling nervously with it says so much about how much he's physically been carrying his mourning, about how he's been clinging to steve's memory and actions as ~the good~ in his version of the world, and how hard it is to let that go even if he was the one with the warning, much like it's hard to let go after losing someone with a long term illness, tbqh I think it's the most telling thing about their bond since he pulled steve from the river

I, uh... Ended up writing a mini essay. Sorry for that.

Also I’m taking the liberty of tagging @angry-carlisle-jr just because this somewhat ties in to this post.

Oh boy, YES. I’m sure Steve being gone hits Sam hard - losing someone you’d die for has got to hurt, no matter how well-adjusted you are. And we can really see how much Sam is missing Steve. But Bucky... It’s just different, isn’t it? Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers were inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield. Does Bucky even properly remember not having Steve in his life?

I think it’s a clear display of how much Bucky is yearning for anything Steve-related that not only does he treat this notebook almost like a lifeline, but he’s also irrationally obsessed with the shield, even though the shield represents Captain America more than it does the little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight. But he’ll take whatever keepsake he can find, because Steve is the one person he trusts unconditionally, and if he can’t trust anyone - including himself - bits and pieces of Steve is all he has left to orient himself. He’s clinging on to the things Steve told him, to the way Steve saw him, to the things Steve left behind, because that’s the closest thing to an anchor he has, and he’s obviously feeling so... adrift. No family, no friends, free to do what? If he lets go of the one thing he has left, where does that leave him?

And like. Of course this would happen. Of course! Bucky already had enough on his plate without having to add “coping with losing all the family he had left” to the things he has to deal with! And we can argue all day whether it was in character for Steve to leave (I don’t think it was - not in the way it happens in canon, anyway, but I can see other ways in which it could have been) - but I think it’s hard to argue that Bucky wouldn’t have wanted Steve to go. Not wanted as in “I’ll be happy if you leave” but as in “Leaving will make you happier than staying, and I care more about your happiness than mine.” Putting Steve’s wellbeing above his own is what Bucky does. Once the possibility of a happier timeline for Steve existed, Bucky would’ve never forgiven himself if he’d been the reason why Steve chose to give up that timeline.

What hits me so hard about all of this is how Bucky’s devotion is just so... pure. He’ll break through brainwashing to save Steve, but if Steve ever wants to leave, he won’t stop him, even if he knows that’ll make him miserable. I don’t think even Steve, loyal and loving as he is, could do that! And I don’t ever get the impression that Bucky even resents Steve or anything. He’s lost, and mourning, and struggling, but I feel like if Steve were to magically appear to double check if Bucky was still okay with his decision, Bucky would somehow find the strength to say that yes, of course, he is, it’s what Steve wanted, he’ll be alright. And that’s what utterly destroyed me about that scene. Like, Bucky will give up any and every thing he has for Steve’s sake, including the most precious thing he has, which is Steve himself. I mean, GOD!!! I didn’t think Bucky could top “break through brainwashing, jump off a helicarrier, dive into a river and use a broken arm to swim so he can use his other arm to pull Steve to safety” but maybe “being willing to lose the person he’d do all that for if that means Steve has a shot at living the peaceful life Bucky wishes he himself could’ve had” takes the cake, you know. Just ugh! How unconditionally can someone love someone else!!! This is literally too much for me to fully wrap my head around!!!!! And then I think - what is grief, if not love persevering? And then I try to imagine the amount of grief that’d come with this kind of lifelong, indelible, all-encompassing love, and I think “that’s a price Bucky is willing to pay for Steve’s happiness” and I just... I can’t deal with that.

[stvpidinlove]

[ OLIVIA HOLT, SHE/HER, CIS WOMAN ]  —  [ REGAN MORGAN ]  is a child of  [ MORPHEUS ]  with the power of  [ PRECOGNITIVE DREAMING ] .  they were born in  [ 1995 ]  and have been in nemean lion since  [ 2019 ] .  with the change, they  [ ARE TRAINING IN ]  the  [ AMBASSADOR ]  role which makes sense since they’re usually  [ SCROLLING HER CURSED TIKTOK FYP & CONFUSING HER FOLLOWERS ON TWITTER ] .  if you’d like to meet them try the  [ MOON ]  building .

tl;dr she’s a deranged menace to society

BASICS

hometown: milford, pennsylvania

eye color: brown

hair color:  blonde

height: 5′3

sexuality: bisexual

birthday: january 19, 1995 ( capricorn )

BIO

regan’s mother was never the type to settle down. before meeting morpheus, her longest relationship had been three months. so when the guy seemed commitment-phobic, that was perfect for her. until, of course, she found out she was pregnant. she didn’t want to get married but she was at an age where the idea of motherhood...didn’t repulse her. so she wanted to keep the baby, at which point the father of her child didn’t get down on one knee, he started to explain the kinds of responsibilities she’d face as the mother of his child.

having the child of a god in her womb inflated her ego, which was pretty impressive considering how big it already was. see, regan’s mother was a southern belle without any of the class or manners. she’d breezed through the pageant circuit as a teen, winning a number of titles with minimal effort. her talent was essentially crying on demand and looking pretty while doing it. knowing she’d slept with a god, like an honest to...god felt sort of fitting. like, duh, who else would she have her first child with?

this also led to a brief but intense fixation with shakespeare, who name dropped gods like it was his job, which led to her choosing the name regan from king lear.

she moved to pennsylvania with regan when her daughter was only four years old, because some guy practically begged her to let him take care of her, and she had nowhere better to go. until, eventually, she did, thanks to the world of avon. her mother started selling out of boredom but then it turned out she was good at it, so good that she could easily buy a place once she got bored of her rich boyfriend, and move out with regan.

thankfully, her mother got out of the pyramid scheme before she got in too deep. she was hired by an actual, reputable cosmetics company and given a desk job to work in sales, which she was still a natural at. because she had a full time job now, regan spent a lot of time with nannies...and that’s nannies plural because regan was one of those kids who drove her caretakers to quit on a regular basis.

but not because she was a handful. she was pretty self-sufficient, actually, and totally well-behaved, she was just kind of...weird. she’d leave her room for dinner with all of her clothes suddenly on backwards and say nothing as if it was normal and act confused when her nanny asked about it. she’d stare at the tv when it was off, she’d spend one day only speaking in whispers, she’d write vaguely threatening messages on the mirror with her mother’s red lipstick.

all of this was because regan knew it was scary to adults, which made it fun for her. she wasn’t, like, actually disturbed. well, aside from the dreams she had sometimes. she’d have a dream about a baby bird falling from a nest, she’d watch its chest move for minutes before it died, then she’d wake up the next day and find a dead bird outside the sliding glass doors to the backyard.

for a while she thought they were coincidences. then she thought she was making things happen in her sleep, and that it was her job to stop bad things from happening, to save every baby bird that asked for help in her dreams. it took her a few years to accept that just because she sometimes saw the future didn’t mean she had any power to change it. she was warned so she could prepare herself, which only made her feel more powerless.

but being regan, she chose to cope with this aspect of her life with avoidance and humor. she doesn’t want to pick and choose what she worries about and what she doesn’t, so she decided a long time ago not to take anything seriously.

for reasons unknown, regan’s mother actually decided to have another child after regan. but she was unconventional, too, hence regan being...the way she is, so she never actually married the father of regan’s half-brother, but they have been together for the past 15 years, so.

her brother is eleven years younger than she is, so in regan’s mind, a baby. whenever left with the task of babysitting him while the two were growing up, it would be regan who suggested ice cream for breakfast and sock sliding around the living room at dangerous speeds.

RANDOM FACTS

i want to v*mit saying this but.....she’s kind of like........the female version of stevesuptic. except for she’s cute <3

her entire twitch account is kind of satirical, like it’s very hard to gauge what her actual personality is. i don’t think her viewers bully her the way they bully steve bc she would bully them back LMAO but they ask her a lot of random ass super weird sometimes borderline disturbing questions and she answers them like it’s normal

she def has weird/creepy drawings whenever playing gartic phone tho /:

ig you could say her channel is like shit posting but make it a streamer. she has a really nice set up and she always looks made up in her streams but then the content is her playing like a cat dating sim for four hours

she’s actually pretty shit at most games that require any level of skill and her following comes entirely from her personality and her Brand ig, she’s just entertaining to watch bc she says and does the most ??? things. like she’s not a gamer girl and doesn’t say she is she just has a twitch and plays games for the attention

also she has a cat named muffintop (best part of the muffin, not the offensive term for a woman’s stomach, though she will say that’s what it means if someone asks) who she regularly posts memes of and like most of her twitch emotes are her cat. you can find examples on her pinterest board lmao

i think it’s pretty hard to get an actual vision out of regan? she mostly keeps those to herself and just lies about her dreams. she’ll just be like, “yeah actually i had a dream you were gonna choke on some oatmeal so stay safe out there.” she’s also only partially sure when a dream is actually about the future.

her like <3 symbol that represents her is butterflies, she has a ton of butterfly shit

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

idk if i am requesting a roommate for once, idk if i wanna subject anyone to that

someone naive who believes her any time she says something is Going To Happen, no matter how stupid it is and no matter how many times things simply do not happen??

a bestie because...............................i just feel like she wormed her way into someone’s inner circle and they’re just stuck with her now

[freigeistundanderes]

Bucky Barnes Valentine exchange Story

Hey, now we can finally say, which author was out secret Santa. I got @fandomsandxfiles-writes​ and she wanted to have a 40`s Bucky - enemies to lovers story. So I hope I somehow hit the challenged and you like it :) I say sorry in advance, since this is my second English written story ever.  Have fun while reading it!  Pairings: 40´s Bucky x Reader 

Word count: 26.368

World War II dominated daily life. Many young men already went there to fight at the front lines, and the other few were still at home, waiting for the order to go. School isn't what it was before. Many boys didn't even finish school and went directly to the base training as soldiers. And soon, the classrooms were empty and only filled with girls. You can imagine how sad the Prom looked like, a room just filled with old teachers and girls with slow music in the background and nobody to dance with. Steve went with you to the Prom just because he failed every medical and physical exam to join the Army.

Bucky was still around, somehow, but he spent most of his time with the base training, and when he wasn't training with the Army, he did for himself. He wanted to be a good soldier, and he tried to protect his country. Basically, a good character trait if it wasn't so stupid at the same time. When he got better in his training, they will send him away sooner and sooner. You didn't care as much, but Steve did. Even tho they both have been friends for a long, long time, they were boys at the end of the day. That means, when one got better in material things, the other got minor complexes. And to help Steve get his wish granted, you started to fill out the Army's application form for him. It was the 4th time you two tried, and of course, he didn't get accepted. The thing was, even when the application form was perfect, it was still Steve. Little, lanky, wimpy Steve, and nobody would take him. You promised to help him, but to be honest? There wasn't a big chance that he would be accepted in the Army, and honestly, you didn't want him to go there. He would be dead in seconds since he could not hold a rifle long enough to actually shoot someone.

Today Steve tried to get into the Army again. You filled out the application and waited outside of the building. You got yourself a bench near the entrance, so when Steve walked outside, he could see you. While you waited for Steve to return with a rejection, you pulled out a letter yourself. You got him a week ago. You tell yourself you didn't have time to open it, but the truth is, you were too scared to open it. One of these official letters from the Army was with the lovely white envelope and the American flag. Your Family name in big black letters on the front and an official stamp over the upper right corner. You carried this thing with you for a week, and it looked like that—bends, wrinkles, and folds all over it. Actually, you know what was in that thing. You know exactly what the letters on the paper inside the envelope. It would probably start like My sincere condolences to tell you… It would sound like he was a good fighter, a good soldier in the middle part. He saved many lives throughout his days in service… and the end would be finished with an excellent old: I am sorry about your loss. Usually, you got a letter from her Father, every week, when he was away in War. For one week, however, you got nothing. Instead of an informal letter from her father, you got this official thing from the Army. You didn't have to be a genius to put together the facts. Your father was dead, fallen in service to protect this country against Nazi's. That was what this letter was about. So no, she didn't have to open the letter to know what was inside of it. Your father died, and now she was alone in this world. She didn't have a mother anymore or siblings.

"An official letter from the Army? Why you got that?" Steve was back and looked over your head down to the letter you held in your hands. "My father," you fold the letter and put it in your pocket again before you looked at Steve. He understands your glace and shook his head and showed you the rejection paper. "You know, when they catch you, you will be in trouble?" "I know, but I think they just don't care" he also put the paperback in his pocket and looked around for a few seconds to took a deep breath. "So what are you planning to do?" you asked him, but he just shrugged his shoulders. "For today? I will meet you later with Bucky. He invited me for another double date" "He will never give up, right?" "Probably not, no. He don’t want me to feel excluded" "Excluded from what? Girls?" "Joie de vivre, I guess" "Does he noticed that he doesn't make it better with the double dates?" "I don't think so" Steve smiled and shook his head. "He isn't the smartest" "I know," you smiled too and stood up from the bench. You looked around a while. Trying to figure out what you want to do next when you saw a poster. It said it would be some kind of new-age science exhibition. "What are you gonna do? For the rest of the day?" "I am going there" you nodded your head in the direction of the poster. "Sounds….. interesting" Steve wasn't thrilled about it. He wasn't too much into technology. "Will you tell me one day what was in that letter?" he started another attempt to talk about the thing you had in your pocket. "It's from the Army, and it's about my Father. I didn't open it now" you shrugged your shoulders and took a step back. "Anyway. See you soon, pal" "Yes. See you soon!"

So you were about to go home, and if you liked it or not, you had to read that letter and see what will happen next. Without your Father, you didn't have an income and you didn't decide what you wanted to do just now. Your Father wanted you to start a Study at a University and creating a great career as a professor somewhere and that the War would be over just then. Was it what you wanted? You weren't certain. Sure, being a Professor at some university would guarantee you significant money and a peaceful future. But to be honest, that wasn't you. Yes, you liked reading but being locked up in an office for the rest of your days wasn't quite your style. And finding a well-paid job as a woman was hard and nearly impossible. Maybe you should try to join the Army too? Just because your Father seemed to be so happy in the Army and you somehow had the feeling that it would be exactly right for you. But on the other hand, you couldn't leave Steve behind. He would never be accepted in the Army. It was bad enough for him that Bucky was taken, but if you apply for it and git accepted too, that would mentally destroy him. He felt useless most of his life, even tho he wasn't. Anyway…. You should start thinking about your future in more detail, now your Father died.

When you arrived home, you noticed that the front door of your house was open. You never leave that door open, so someone must have entered your house. Slowly you pushed the door further open, so you could sneak into the front door hallway. You couldn't hear any noises and the lights were out too. If intruders had entered your house, you would have seen chaos along the way or at least some lights on, but nothing. Slowly, light-footed like a cat, you go further into your house. It was a small house, with just one level, so it was pretty lucid. You nearly reached the end of the front door hallway when you heard a few heavy steps behind you and a deep voice talking to you. "You would be dead by now. If I was a burglar," the voice was Smokey, dark, and had that sarcastic tone in it. Very similar to your father's one, and as you turned around, you saw the big man. He was a little bit heavier build, owned to his age, and probably too many steaks with beer. "Uncle Chester," you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest. Visits like this were usual for him. He liked being the mysterious part of the family, or something like that. "What do you want here" "Express my condolences to you. Because of your father" "He was your brother" "You can be sure, I know that. But…. Our relationship wasn't the best in the end. I wanted to check in if you are okay?" "Do I look like a whiny, crying little girl to you?" "No. That's why I am worried about you. Shouldn't you…. Cry?" "He was a Captain. He knows how he would die, and I knew it too. We have War, many people will die" "You are soooo mature, little girl" "Don't call me that" "So…. What are you planning to do next? Without your fathers' money, you need a job! Something in mind?" "no. Not yet" "good! I have a job for you!" he stepped towards you and pulled out a letter from the inside, pocked his official army jackets, and handed it to you. "What kind of job? Nurse? Rubble woman?" "Don't be silly" he pulled his eyebrows together and step aside, and looked at the pictures on the walls. "President Roosevelt himself started a military unit called SSR – Strategic Scientific Reverse. The aim of that is to create a super-soldier army to win the War without losses anymore. That force contains the best minds in the free world-" "I can read," you interrupted his monologue for a second to fly over most of the lines in the letter.

What you couldn't see was that your Uncle slightly smiled. You were precisely like your Father and always a big mouth but down to earth somehow. But – not to mention – you were like your Uncle too. Ever a good slogan on your lips with a sarcastic undertone. When Uncle Chester was more often at home during your early childhood, you had great fun together. He and your Father were a dream team when it came down to raising you since your mother died at birth. That was the primary reason why your summarized the best and worst characteristics of your Father and your Uncle in one person BUT the beautiful physic you had from your mother. She was pretty like an angel, with that soft and lovely scented hair, the open and heartwarming smile, and these beautiful, engaging eyes.

When you were finished with reading, you needed to repeat a few sentences again. It sounded highly impossible and stupid for you, but on the other hand, you wanted to see the outcome. "Why you need me? I am not one of the best minds. I am average" "You are average, when it comes to science, yes. But you are instinctive, a good natural fighter, and have a great sense of strategy. At least, those were the words your Father used to describe you to be the last time I saw him. He was so proud of you, that you are not a whiny little woman, like everybody else. You are strong, and I need Strong soldiers. So…. What you say? Are you in?" – "Yes!" you didn't think about it. It was a clear answer to you. It was not because of what your Father told your Uncle; it was about that little inner voice, telling you, you should go. Like uncle Chester said, you had good instincts, and you used them right now. "You do not want to rethink? Final answer?" "I do not rethink usually. I got my choices right the first time" he knit his eyebrows again and laughed a little bit. "You say that now. Sooner or later, there will be a moment when you have to rethink" – "When do we start?" "Hold your horses! I will contact you, but tonight I want you to meet your head scientists" "Why?" "Because we are looking for a suitable man for the Army, and you know this part of Brooklyn the best" "And how do I find this scientist?" "German looking, small guy, with glasses, head, and a beard. You will find him. Look at it, like it would be your first mission" he grinned at you and was about to leave the house.

In the evening, you were dressed up and ready to go. You dressed a bit more fancy but not too much. It was a plain, dark blue dress in knee-length. Paired with simple black shoes and a small black bag for your porte-monnaie. Nothing spectacular but chic.

It took you around 10 minutes to run into Steve and the annoying attachment when you arrived there. Steve looked bored as hell, too, so he looked around and find you immediately. He waved in your direction, and behind him, the personified idiot – James Buchanan Barnes, friends call him Bucky, but you stayed with James. "Hey, Steve" "Hey!" he smiled at you and stepped aside to introduce the other people. "Cassy and Odette, and you already know Bucky" "Hallo, James" "It's Bucky. Please" "You said, your friends call you Bucky. I am not your friend, so it is appropriate to call you by your Birthname: James" "You are refreshingly nice as usual, Claw" "Don't call me that" – "Make me" he grinned cocky looked her directly in the eyes. His glace got replied with pure and clean aversion with a sour, sarcastic undertone. Claw was the Nickname you got from Steve and Bucky, based on your caustic and harsh kind, sometimes "You really want that?" "Don't get me wrong, little Princess. I believe you when you say you can defend yourself, but I think you need a little more for me than just a good positioned punch" "Bucky!" Steve wanted to prevent his best friend from protentional long term effects of that claim. "James – oh James – you should never underestimate a well-positioned punch" now, she grinned back and looked down for a second to make him understand what she meant. It took him a few seconds until he pulled his eyebrows together and took a step back. "You wouldn't!!" "Wanna bet?" "HEY!" Steve went between the two brawlers. "Never mind. We should go" "Woah, wait-" now it was Bucky who intervene and looked confused at Steve. "You invited her?" "No. We run just into each other" "Well, I would say, 3 Girls, is one girl too much, Buddy" "I guess it will be okay for the rest of the evening. You take these two Ladies, and I take her" "But – Steve-" "We are good with that!" one of the two girls finished the conversation, and then the situation was completed. Steve didn't want this in the first place because he knew the girls Bucky brought are just interested in him. Why not, by the way? He was tall, good looking, and charming - the perfect match for most of the girls. And he had this slightly sinister boy aura around him, even when he was a good guy through and through. At least that was what Steve claims every time you two talked.

The expo was enjoyable, overall, but actually, nothing of that really seeks your attention. Many people around here and you were about to find the German one. The funny thing is, though, that most Germans looked like Americans, so it was nearly impossible to find the right man. When you looked around, a recruitment center catches your eye, and you thought about what your Uncle told you. This German Scientist was about to find new Soldiers for the project. So for him being in that center would make the most sense. "Hey Steve," you put a hand on his shoulder to catch his attention. "I have to go. Get something done" "already?" "You seem to be in delightful company, here" "Funny. Really funny" "Okay, bye, my friend" you see him off before you went to the recruitment center.

When you entered the center, it was full of people. It was different from the other centers you went to before with Steve. In this one, you had a nice, colorful and colossal propaganda part right before the testing area, and it was filled with people. A little bit lost, you looked around and tried to find a man, fitting on the description your Uncle gave you. So many people with a beard and glasses, which one would be the German? You looked around for a few more minutes when a smaller man approached you. "Good evening, Miss. Did you get lost?" he had to be in the age between 40 and 60, had a grayish beard and small round glasses. The way he speaks English suggested to you that this isn't his mother tongue. "No, actually I am looking for someone" "So? Maybe I can help? Who do you looking for?" "An educated man – a scientist! A little bit older with a beard and glasses and German heritage" he smiled slightly and nodded slowly. "That would be me. My name is Dr. Abraham Erskine" he reached out his hand to you, and you did the same. "You must be the niece of Colonel Philips?" "Indeed, yes. He sends me here to find you" "And he told me you would come. Let's go over there and have a little talk?" "I would like that, yes" the Doc led you away from the people into a calmer area of the center.

We entered the testing area for protentional soldiers. The Doctor looked behind one of the curtains to check if someone in there. After that, he thrust aside the whole thing to open it for you to enter.

“So you are Colonel Philips, niece? If I got that right?” “Indeed. His brother was my father” “Was?” “He died a week ago in Service” “I am sorry,” he apologized and looked a bit sad and uncomfortable to step into that huge blunder. “Thanks, but we are not here to talk about my dead father, right?” “Surely. Forgive me; I am a little bit old fashioned. Would you mind having a little talk with me first? I like to know the people I will work with” “Fine,” you shrugged your shoulders and looked for a sitting possibility. You decided to take a lounger and pointed at the chair in front of it, so the Doctor could sit too. “Ask whatever you want” “Whatever I want?” “If I do not want to answer, I will not answer. Feel free to ask anything” You wanted to get it over with. You simply didn’t saw the point of meeting the head scientist of the project since your uncle invites you because of your military talent, not your scientific knowledge. Last but not least, your uncle thought that a little change of air would be good for you. He knew you loved your father, and you are too tough to admit it. There will be a moment when you start to crumble, and the pain will rush over you, and he wanted to have you nearby when it happens. Nobody should be alone while mourning. “Why you entered the SSR?” “My uncle asked. I said yes. Here I am” “No other specific reason?” “No, why? Do I need one? This reason is as good as any other reason people have to serve in War. I think the reason doesn’t matter” “Why? Why does the reason doesn’t matter?” “There is never a good reason to start a war and sacrifice many young lives’. You should protect what you believe in, but it doesn’t have to be in a fight; that should be the last option. That is my opinion, but what do I know? I am just a little girl” he smiled slightly and shook his head softly. “Besides the fact who your uncle is, I can see you are not just a little girl” “How would you know?” “I can see it, your eyes” “My eyes…? I am not into that pathetic stuff” he laughed a bit and nodded. “I can tell you are feisty” “Only on Mondays,” “Today is Monday” “See,” he smiled again. “I like you. I like you a lot. You are refreshingly different, and I like young Ladies who can fight for their ideals” “How do you know I can fight?” “Your uncle told me a few things about you. You a good fighter and have good natural instincts” “Maybe” “Don’t be too modest –“ he stopped short to make a little break before he started talking again. “We already have someone similar to you. She is a Brittan Agent and feisty as well. I guess you two will get along just fine. Her Name is Agent Peggy Carter” “It will be a pleasure to meet her” “I can’t wait to see you two working together, but-“ he harrumphed a little bit and put on a serious face again. “I am here to look for new cadets; unfortunately, most of the young boys are already away. You can suggest someone?” “I don’t know many boys around here” “But you know some!?” “Depending on what are you looking for? The brainless muscle monkeys are already recruited” “’Brainless muscle monkeys’… actually, I am not looking for one of these! Your uncle does, but I want someone with a specific characteristic” “Specific Characteristics-“you were interrupted by a nurse who wanted to talk to the Doctor. She entered the room and reached him a file. You didn’t say everything in the file, but you recognized the photo in it. It was Steve’s. He wanted to try again to enter the Army, and it looks like he got caught with his multiple tries. “I am sorry, I have to do something-“he closed the file and stood up. “He has character” “This one?” he opened the file to read the Name again. “Steven Grant Rogers?” “I don’t know what you are looking for, but he has it. Give him a chance to prove it to you, and he will not disappoint you” the Doc looked at you with a stare glace until he nodded slowly. “would you vouch for him?” “Vouch for him?” “Would you trust him with that enough to confide him your life?” “Yes,” you answered strongly, and there was no doubt in your voice. “So, when a strong and independent girl like you would trust him, I should give him that try to prove me,” then he left the little room. Seemed like that you and Steve would enter the same Unit. One reason more to be expectantly about the next few weeks and the little change.

“I am honest, I am death” Steve came up to you and sat next to a dirty box. His equipment was just hanging down from his weak little body. He was in training for about half of a month, and you were sure there was not only one single small part, which didn’t hurt. After he got recruited into the SSR – like you – he immediately started his training to get a better physical change. But besides sore muscles, there wasn’t much of a difference. For your part, you trained with that Agent the Doctor mentioned. Peggy was good in shape and had a piece of excellent knowledge about self-defense and fighting styles. It was a great addition to your own style of fighting. You two trained a lot for the past few weeks and got quick on an equal level of physical strength. Since you were a new recruit – like Steve – you got simple tasks. Peggy trained the other Soldiers while you and your uncle were studying strategic files and everything possible about an organization called Hydra. You also got inaugurated in what the SSR was doing exactly. The Doctor was creating a Serum, and it was going down o deciding which new soldier should get it first. Your task was also to document every soldier’s progress to make it easier to choose. But honestly? You had a few talks with the Doctor itself, and he was pretty impressed with Steve, so you voted for him, and indeed, he was the one. But still, he had to get in a little bit better shape to have a greater chance of surviving the experiment.

Steve was breathing heavily, his head wholly laid back into his neck, as he sat down on the Box. He was initially coming up to you to get some encouraging words from you. And when he didn’t get these, a sarcastic commentary would do it too. He was happy to have a familiar and friendly face around when he joined the Army. He was really great full for you, not at least, because you were closer with Agent Carter and Steve had a thing for her. She was impressive! Intense and intimidating, and she was so confident. She didn’t need to be saved, and that what he appreciated the most on her. She was simply able to take of herself.

After he didn’t get any words from you, he opened one eye and looked up at you. You were standing here, head down and staring down at a letter you hold in your hands. You had a thing with staring down at letters. “Hey! What’s up?” “I god a letter from James” “Bucky? You got a letter from Bucky? Why?” “I don’t know” “An official one or a personal one?” “Personal” she turned the front side of the letter towards Steve, so he could see the bad handwriting. It was a personal letter, addressed at Claw. “he still calls you Claw?” “Guess so…. Why is he writing me a letter?” She looked more confused than ever since he knew her. “I don’t know! What did you do?” “Nothing…. I guess” Steve stood up from the Box and also started to look down on the closed envelope. “You don’t want to open it?” “Should I?” “Otherwise you will never find out what is in there-“ “ROGERS!” from far away, his drill sergeant was calling for him. Exhausted, he gave a loud groan and started running towards the other members of his Unit.

You just stood there and looked down on the envelope for a few moments, when you shook your head, turned around the letter and opened it. It was childish, not to open it and as you knows James, it will be a stupid prank or something like that. You should get over it and return to your tasks after that. Against your expectations, it wasn’t silly pranks or an inappropriate picture of something. It was an actual letter, handwritten in the worst handwriting you ever saw. The first line said: Hallo Claw, and after that, there were many other lines, and even the backside of the paper was written. On the piece, itself were little dirt stains. After a fast-flying over the lines without actually reading them, you turned around the form and saw the last line: See you soon, Bucky. This was more than just strange. It was entirely out of imagination! You sat down on the Box and started to read the letter, from beginning to end, every single word of it, slowly.

It took you a while to read through the whole letter. The handwriting was awful, and you had to guess every fifth word, and you tried to analyze it. To find the mistake in the word choices to uncover this letter as a prank, still. That James paid someone to wrote you a note to evoke the false belief in you, that he might not just hate you. You had plenty of reasons to be suspicious about it. You didn’t realize how long you sat there reading when a heavy breathing Steve returned to the spot where he left you. “I see you opened it ---- what did ---- he ---- wrote?” he pressed out the words between his intense breathing, trying not to collapse in front of you because of exhaustion. “Basically, he said, that he liked our conversation and that he hoped we had that earlier. We had more in common than I would know now, and that he didn’t know how much he would miss female intellectual interaction. And that he started to get more sarcastic and sharp-tongued because of me – Honestly? I didn’t see the meaning behind the letter” you wanted to hand it over to Steve, who just blocked that try. “He wrote the Letter to YOU. It’s yours now” “He probably didn’t write it anyway. One of his Unit buddy’s wrote it for him to confuse me. I strongly believe that!” “You think so? I know that handwriting; it’s Bucky’s!” “Then he tries to tease me from the front line? Great! Not even during the War, I am safe from him” you rolled your eyes, fold the letter back and put it into the envelope, and stood up. “We have things to do, Steve! Tomorrow is your big day” “I know. That why the Sergeant didn’t let me run the extra mile” “He seems to be nice” “Nice? Ever meet him?” “A couple of times” “I am giving up! I just want to take a shower!”

The next couple of weeks didn’t feel like a success in military history. It was more like monkey business. After Steve’s transformation, you thought he would be trained to be a severe soldier. Still, instead, he was turned into a breathing action figure. He had to do press tours, movies and sing stupid jingles. And from looking at the disappointment on Steve’s face, you know he felt the same. You decided to stay with Steve and distance yourself from the duties of the SSR for a while. You didn’t want to let him alone with all these mindless people, such as today. He was told to say some encouraging words to the soldiers at the front. They put up a stage for him, where he could stand on and talk. And they forced him to wear that bad, bright-colored stupid suit. And then he was standing there. Reading the pre-written words to the soldiers, which didn’t even want to listen. He was a super soldier and supposed to fight for his country, but instead, he was a trained monkey in a circus.

Not what he imaged and not what the soldiers wanted to see or hear. It was a disaster; it couldn’t get any worse. And if this wasn’t enough, Steve listened to the news that Hydra had captured the 107th, therefore also Bucky. He tried to convince your uncle to start a rescuing mission, but there was no chance he would allow that. Hydra had a reputation for capturing soldiers and using them for experiments. So if these guys aren’t dead yet, they might be soon. But would that stop Steve? It was about saving Bucky, and he would do it, without any doubt, and he wouldn’t think twice about it. So he and Peggy tried to convince Stark to help them. So it was up to you to take your uncle busy until these trees are gone on the mission.

“Where is Rogers?!!!” Your uncle slam opens the door into your room with a shattering noise. He wasn’t happy – actually, he was pretty angry. He knew something like that would happen, but he hoped that these three idiots would be more intelligent than trying to attack a Hydra base on their own. You got a little frightened and crumbled the paper in your hand a little bit. “I know that you know the answer, and I want you to tell me. NOW!” he entered your room and build himself up in front of your sitting person. You were resting on your bet and had all the letters from James in front of you. You somehow felt rereading them, since there was a possibility these were the last written word of him. In case of his death, you wanted to send them to his sister. “Strolling?” “Strolling? Are you taking me for a fool? I know he is not strolling! What are those?” he flies over the lines of a few letters and couldn’t see an author of these.

After all, you are still his niece, and after your father died, he is somehow – your chaperone now. “Nothing” you wanted to put them together to stuff them somewhere out of sight when he was faster and grabbed one of these. He read through the lines and raised one eyebrow. “Sergeant Barnes wrote you these? That fledgling? Never knew you would be interested in that kind of man” “It’s not like that” “it is not? These letters are pathetic and greasy love letters” “They are not” you shook your head and stood up from your bed. “These are just letters from a man who was bored at the front” “Bored at the front?” your uncle laughed at this. “You are not bored at the front because you are pretty busy not to die. He wasn’t bored, he took the little glimpse of free time he had to write you. That’s not nothing” “You interpreted it false. James Buchanan Barnes is a prankster, a childish little boy, and a womanizer. He would never write this with a serious background” you shrugged your shoulders. “He just wants me because I don’t want him. I actually couldn’t stand him” “Mhm,” he nodded and knit his eyebrows. “So why are you keeping these then? Quite a lot of letters and effort for a man who is just joking around” “You don’t know him” “Well if he is friends with Rogers, he can’t be too bad of a man” “He is an idiot” “All man are idiots! That’s in our genetic code” “Ahhhh that would explain a lot” “Stop that!” He pointed with his index finger at you with that stern look on his face. “Back to the essential! I know that you know where Rogers is. Tell me! Now!” “I don’t know” you shrugged your shoulders, and your uncle looked even angrier at you. He wanted to say something when he heard something from the outside, so you two decided to go outside.

As you went outside the door, you could see how a bigger group of soldiers is coming towards you. All ahead was Steve, and on his left side, you could recognize Bucky. Guess you didn’t need to send the letters to his sister after all.

“You know this idiot?” your uncle standing next to you when you were looking at Steve, bringing home the soldiers from the Hydra base. You were so proud of your little friend from Brooklyn. “Idiots. I know them both” “Both?” “The on his left side? That’s Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. The reason why he started this whole thing” “Barnes, huh? I assume he is his friend?” “Best Friend” you corrected your uncle and smiled slightly. Of course, Steve would do something stupid as running into a Hydra base just to save Bucky and man he didn’t know. It is Steve! He is doing these things, and that’s why he is Captain America.

When they entered the camp, Steve was about to talk to Peggy, and it was lovely. You noticed the little growing thing between them, and it was beautiful. Peggy wasn’t like all the girls Bucky had in mind for Steve. She was just right for him because they meet on the same level. She never looked down on him because of his small physical size. She respected his character and values in every shape he was in. And that’s why she deserved Steve. She liked him as a little boy, and she can have him as the soldier he is now. You were good with it, and they both liked each other. They just didn’t confess just now. While Steve talked to Peggy and a short cheers on Captain America, Bucky was stepping out of the line and walking towards you. What will happen now? What will he say or what will he do? Somehow, you had a strange feeling in your stomach. It felt like itching and tugging, as someone with a stomach bug would feel, shortly before they vomit. “Hey” he put on that crooked smile you already knew, Nothing surprising. Somehow, the little girl in you imaged his first words to be more pontifically or…. something like that. Good to know that some things will never change. “As I can see, you are not dead. Now I have to write an apology letter to your sister. We already informed her of your passing” “You are looking good too, Claw” “I was serious” “I know. Did you get my letters?” “Well…. Yeah…. What was the deeper purpose of these?” “Deeper purpose?” “Yes! Why would you write me letters? We didn’t like each other” “Sure about that?” “Well I assumed based on our shared past, James” “James? We are still at James?” “Isn’t that your name?” “Uhm…. Yea, it is” he looked down for a second before he raised his glace again and seemed a bit subdued. You knit your eyebrows in confusion. Did you say something wrong? What you said was the definite truth! You didn’t get the meaning of the letters, besides the fact that they were actually lovely and you two – indeed – didn’t like each other enough to receive these letters. Then you started to look down on his ripped and dirty clothes until you saw a big bloodstain near his stomach. “You-“ you reached out your hand for the stain, to feel if it still was wet. Surprisingly, the loose looking clothes are pretty narrow, so you could feel his muscles under it. “a doctor. You need a doctor! Medical…. Treatment!” “Some of the guys are worse than me” “Now” “Hey, Claw. I am fine. Don’t worry. Wait…. You wouldn’t worry anyway, right?��� “That – That’s not fair! You should go and see a doctor” “I will” he stepped back and run past you. Why was he angry this time?

When the doctor was about to finish his treatment with Bucky when you slowly stepped into the room. He was sitting on a lounger without his top but about to put it back on. You could get a view of his upper body and how perfectly smooth it looked. Not a single scratch, not a scar, or anything else. The doc put his stuff together and left the room directly. Seemed like James was the last patient on his list for the day, and then there was silence. Big and uncomfortable silence. He was mad at you, but for what? For you being confused about friendly letters, which he had no reason for? It's not like that you two ever had a long and pleasant conversation before, so he had no right to be that angry with you! "I am confused" you took the word and looked strong at him. He listened to you, shook his head, and pulled on his shirt in one quick and smooth movement. "Why do I got these letters from you? We weren't that close before, so I have every right to be confused, and you never explained it! In none of these letters!" "You read them? All of them?" "Well…. Of course, I did!" "And you still call me James?" "Okay!" you raised your hands and blow entirely off. "Why is it so important to you how I call you? WHY?!" "it just is" "Okay, fine, I call you Bucky. Happy now?" "A bit" "Tell me why!" "Just means I am closer" "closer? Closer to what?" "Don't mind, Claw," he winks at you, and indeed his mood got better, and he isn't mad anymore? Jesus, this MAN is driving her CRAZY!

"Don't call me Claw" he smirked and stood up from the lounger, then he came close to you, very close. He stood directly in front of you, so close, you could feel his body heat on your own body. He lowered his head down to your ear and whispered something in it: "you will always be Claw. See you tonight" "Tonight?" "There is a pub down the street. Come for a drink" "You invite me for a drink?" "I do" "Is it poisoned?" you asked him, what make him laugh. "Not yet" "But later?" "You have to try" "What an enormous stupid idea to go for a drink which is protentional poisoned! You think I am stupid?" "No. Actually, I think you are quite intelligent. I can't force you to come for the drink, but I would love to see you. Please come" more than just confused, you got left behind buy Bucky. What was that? Honestly, what was that? What the hell was that?! James Buchanan Barnes, you ---- Jerk!

"If you want to hear my opinion. A boy will always be a boy. If he was like that before the War, he would not change much" Peggy turned a few times sideways before the mirror and smooth her red dress down. She put it on because she will go to the Pub where Steve and the other from the 107th are. She wanted to see Steve and want to have a little talk with him. You, on the other hand, didn't put anything fancy. Actually, you had your nightwear already. You didn't plan to go to the pub, even though Bucky would be happy about it. This situation was too confusing for you, and you decided to get more distance to the problem. You wanted to look at it more detailed and with a clear view. Bucky behaved strangely, and everything started with these letters, so you asked Peggy about it. You told her the whole History with Past and present, and she said that he probably is just playing around. Nobody goes from enemies to lovers in that short period, without spending time. It was only not possible. The first letter was friendly, but there weren't any signs that he would send her one. Letting the situation cooldown would be the best for her and that precisely what you will do. Let the case cool down! "You look good, Agent. He will love it" "who?" "You know who I meant" "Possible," you smiled, and Peggy smiled too until she went out of the door.

Meanwhile….

"You look nervous. Why are you nervous?" "I am not" Bucky grabbed his drink and took a sip, but when he heard the door opening, he immediately put down his glass, leaned back, and looked at the door. "Of course you are not nervous" Steve smiled and sat next to his friend at the bar. "It's not nervousness, Steve" "Then tell me what else it is?" he poked his friend, who didn't answer. He just shook his head with a decent smile and grabbed his glass again. He knows this kind of behavior from Bucky. It's about a girl, he is waiting for a certain girl to come in, and the clue was, Steve already knows which Girl Bucky had in mind. What stumbles him was the reason why he chooses her. Before the War, when they were in school together, he never showed special interest in her. It was quite the opposite; he was absolutely not interested in her. He avoided the contact and chat with her after that little accident with the dress. And she? Well, he made her feelings about Bucky more than clear: she hated him from the bottom of her soul. So maybe it was just a typical boy who wants what they can't have in a situation. That would at least the most logical answer to that whole surreal scenario. "Did she read them? The letters I send her?" "She did. Although she was skeptical. Until the 6th or 8th letter, she thought, a friend would write them for you, and you just send them to her to make fun of her" "did she really thought that? That it was a bad joke?" "Well, Bucky-" Steve laughed a bit and shook his head. "You can't deny that these letters came out of the blue! Before that, you never had a good talk without me preventing you two from killing each other. So getting these nice written letters was indeed a surprise, and she had a good reason to be suspicious" "Looking from that perspective…. What did I though? That was a stupid idea" Bucky pinch together his face until he took his drink and finished it in one sip. "Buck… what did you expect from her?" he thought about it for a second when he shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing" "But Bucky-" "Hey Steve, let's not talk about it anymore, okay? It was something stupid, and we put the veil of forgetting over it, okay? It never happened" "But it did happen, Bucky, and now you confused her. So what is the overall plan?" "There is no plan, man. It was just-" he hesitates a second and looked down into his empty glass. Yeah, what was it, Bucky? Was it just boredom why you wrote the letters? Was it desperation? Homesickness? Desire? And unsolved puzzle? The Only woman who doesn't thirst over him? The only one he couldn't conquer? Was it even a little spark of love? He didn't know; it was just a right and good feeling writing these letters to her. He was at the front; things are different there. A fallen friend from his Unit wrote letters to a girl he didn't even like, just because he wanted to. These were nice letters too. He didn't care if she read them or burn them; he just wanted to write someone, something nice. In addition to that, it has to be mentioned that this guy joined the army because he didn't have family left. So writing that girl was the only option he had, and he liked it. Bucky hadn't the same situation. He could write to his sister or Steve. It was not like he had nobody to write to, but writing to her just felt right. "Just nothing serious" he shrugged his shoulders and put on a solid smile. "Sure…" at that moment, it got silent in the room, and everyone's head was turning towards the door. So did Bucky and Steve looked in the same direction. It was Peggy in a stunning red dress, which fit her body perfectly. She was coming directly up to Steve and Bucky, but she just saw Steve. "Captain," "Agent Carter," "Stark has complied some equipment for you. You should come and try it" she looked over to Bucky for a second, who smiled nicely at her, but she just stared him down with that steel brown eyes. He got a little bit scared, but he liked the woman who can keep up with him. In the background, she heard how Steve's man are starting to sing again. "I see your top squad is preparing for duty?" – "You don't like music?" Bucky asked her question, but her eyes and attention were just on Steve, and he was invisible to her. "I do, actually. I might even – when this is all over – go dancing" – "Then what are we waiting for?" he tried another approach at the beautiful Britain agent, but she still ignores him completely. "For the right partner," she smiled slightly. "Tomorrow, 800 captains" then she turned away from the boys and walked out of the pub. "Yes, ma'am! I will be there" "I am invisible" Bucky shrugged his shoulders and looked at Steve with a satisfied smile, that his friend got the beautiful lady this time. "I-I am turning into you! This is a horrible dream" "Don't take it so hard-" Steve pad his shoulder and smiled too. "Maybe she's got a friend! Oh right, Claw is her friend!" "Haha – what?" "You heard it, Claw and Agent Carter are good friends since they met a couple of months ago. They trained together and work well as a team" "You mean that your hard-boiled, sexy, badass British nearly girlfriend is friends with Claw?" "Yeah," Steve nodded his head, not aware of what that meant for the boys. That was a disaster, like – ENORMOUS disaster! "Steve! Agent Carter and Claw are friends? Like… friends?" "Yes? Did something hit your head?" "This is bad! You can't have your best friend and your girl be best friends! They will form an alliance and have all the power to destroy us?" "us? Why us? You have problems with Claw, not me. And I survived this constellation the past few months pretty good, so I am not worried – oh wait! You are worried about your ass" "I am" Bucky nodded his head a few times fast. "Because your pretty but deadly Agent for sure has some tricks upon her sleeve and Claw? Oh, we both know she is full of surprises. I am dead. Officially" "You overdramatize it, Bucky. They are cool" "Yeah, with you, mister perfect blond hair" "Okay, you know what-"Steve raised his hand and ordered a few more drinks. "Let's have a good night! Cheers, my friend!"

While Steve and Peggy were with Stark to test out some new weapons for Steve, you took the chance to use the training room for yourself. It was an excellent opportunity for you to think about everything that happened the past two days. You spend your night rereading the letters to find a hint to solve this situation, but there wasn't. These were just lovely written letters from Bucky to you. Nothing more about it. Just words. Just nice words!

You punched the punching bag a few times pretty hard so that the chain with which it was attached to the ceiling rattles a few times loudly. So when it was just a nice word, written down on a dirty piece of paper, make your thought circle and skip all the time. It was a thug and war game in your head between, admitting that there could be a deeper meaning behind it and just brushing it off and don't think about it anymore. As much you want the one, the other was alarming. And there was this little voice in the back of your brain, saying that you initially hated Bucky. But why is something in you wanted to deny that you hate Bucky and want it to be something? Well, he was indeed a handsome man, and for sure, he could be nice. She has letters to prove that there was something good about him, but why did she initially hate him? It was clearly not just because he vomited on her dress one evening. No, she wasn't superficial like that.

While you lambasted the dummy in the training room, you didn't recognize how someone was entering It. He lends against one of the exercise equipment's, with arms crossed, that little smirk on his lips and looking at you. You noticed him in the corner of your eye and stopped your training. You were sweaty, and you were out of breath, but you liked it like that. A hard training session helped you to clear your mind. "Steve told me, you have a tough punch, but I had no clue" "Because you underestimated me all the time" "Ohhh did I? What a horrible mistake of mine" "Right" you nodded your head and went over to the place where you had your stuff, a little town, a water bottle and a jacked for leaving. You took the city and wiped the sweat away from your face. "You weren't in the pub Yesterday…. I've waited for you" "I-I had…. Stuff to do. Some documents to check and things to think about" "Mhm" he slowly nodded his head and repel from the what he lend on and walked towards you. "Were you successful? With the documents?" "Uhm-"your thoughts went clear for the blink of a second. Did you ever mention how unbelievably clear and beautiful his eyes were? This kind of blue was so light, like a nice clear blue sky. "No," your voice returned, and you shook your head. "There was nothing helpful in these documents" you knitted your eyebrows and took a step back. He was coming unusually near again. What was wrong with him? "Bucky…. What you want from me?" "What I want? From you?" "Yes. I have no problems with admitting that I am confused by your behavior" "You are confused by me?" she smiled a little bit brighter and honest. "That's-"you rolled your eyes. "That's not what I meant! You just behaving oddly! Tell me what's up, now!" "You don't like that?" "Liking what?!" "Liking it when I come near to you? Writing these letters to you? When I devour you with my eyes?" he wanted to get all seductive but no chance. That sounded too stupid for her taste. "Bucky, you know we are not in one of these movies from the theater? Devouring me with your eyes is not the kind of phrase which makes me melt for you" you blink at him and turn away from him. "Indeed… I think a woman who fell for that have very little self-respect" "Claw, come 'one! You can't tell me you didn't like this kind of cheesy! Everybody likes that!" "Ohhh, now I get it" she turned back to him and smiled herself. "I am just a target on your list, and you get frustrated because I am not thirsting over you! Like most of the girls back home? So predictable. And I thought there would be more behind it. Guess it is just the game of an unmatured little schoolboy" you waved it off and wanted to grab your thinks to leave. You were almost out of the door when Bucky asked to hold you back. "Want to hear a funny story?" you give a huge sigh and roll your eyes, but you turned around one more time and crossed the arms in front of your chest. "Sure" maybe he will give up after this story. You didn't want to be the center of a stupid game. If you wanted to have the attention of a man, you wanted it to be real. And when it comes down to Bucky and you, there was just real aversion. "Yesterday – when I waited for you in the pub – I talked with Steve. He told me you were confused about the letters. Maybe I shouldn't have written them in the first place since they came out of the blue" he knit his eyebrows for a short second, and for a moment, he looked lost, but then he regained his confidence and smirked at you again. "I never hated you, Claw. Never" "If that is true… why all these arguments, the comments, and that eye-rolling? That's doesn't make sense!" he wanted to come a little bit closer and smiled slightly. "You don't know about boys, right?" – you wanted to answer when you heard the door and a view voices. "Anyway," he cleared his throat and did a few steps back and folded the arms behind his back.

You glanced up and saw some guys from his Unit standing there, ready to use the training room. Then you looked back at Bucky, who tried to avoid any eye contact with you. That was the reason why you couldn't stand Bucky. He might be a good guy, but he changed his behavior, depending on who was around. Before these guys were here, he tried to be friendly and even tried flirting but now? He put so much space between you two as possible. "James," you said his name softly but with a disappointing undertone. You weren't disappointed that his flirting was just for his fun. You were disappointed because Steve felt so proud about Bucky being his friend. He would be so devastated when he finds out how Bucky behave. "Sergeant," you elongated your shoulders and nodded the head slightly to leave the room. At least you got your answer now, how to value these letters. You shouldn't value them at all, there is the product of a man who is just playing around, and you didn't have time for that. At the end of the day, it was War, and missions had to be planned.

The next few days, you brought as much space between yourself and Bucky as possible. You couldn't stand inconsistency, and Bucky was full of that. Anyway, it wasn't your problem anymore, since you discredited him for your greater good. He would take too much attention from you and your work, and right now, you needed all of your attention. The first mission of the Howling commando will be today. Tony, Peggy, your uncle, and yourself took days for the planning and researching. Since it would be a Hydra Base you are attacking, accurate planning was a necessity. That included calculating all the skills of the Commando itself. Peggy and your Uncle took the central part, planning the attack itself, with time management and others. Your domain was analyzing the abilities of Soldiers, that included Bucky, much to your chagrin. But luckily for you, most of Bucky's skills were written down in his military file, and you doubt that he learned new things. So it was an easy thing to calculate their skills into the plan. Even though many great minds worked on this plan, it was a weak one. You didn't know enough about the Hydra facilities, so you guys planned with some sort of puffer zone for mistakes. That's not the best Precondition for doing such a dangerous mission, but it will go well with a super Soldier like Steve. At least you hoped it for Steve. Lucky for you guys, there was a Hydra base basically around the corner from your Headquarters. So if something would go wrong, there are definitely safe options for retreat or reinforcement.

It was about 3 hours in the mission. You and Peggy were sitting the underground base at the big round table, with all the Plans for Today's mission. You had a walkie-talkie with you in case the guys needed help or further instructions. While Peggy was a little bit stressed and nervous, you were definitely calmer. You knew that Steve would be hard to kill since his wounds will heal faster and his overall senses are better. "How can you be so calm?!" Peggy grabbed the walkie-talkie aggressively and starred it down. Then she stood up and walked around like a chirpy cat. "It's Steve! He is your friend!" she tried to convince you into being worried too. "Steve is a super Soldier; he will manage to return" "And the others?" "They are with Steve" you smirked slightly and got in a more comfortable sitting position. You put your feet up on the seating surface of another chair, leaned back in your seat, and put your hand behind your head. "So much can go wrong! We should have planned it better! More details, and we should have trained more for it" she shook her head and turn over the mobile radio in her hands. "A-And the other one? Sergeant Barnes? I saw you talking a lot a while ago" "You really want to talk about it, right now?" she stopped walking for a second seemed to rethink her choice of Smalltalk. "Yes, why not" she shrugged her shoulders and set down a few seats away, and throw the Walkie-Talkie on the table. "This is what women do, right? Talking and doing nothing" after that, you have to laugh. Yes, that's what women are supposed to do at this age. "Agent Carter, we both know that women like us are supposed to do more than that," and Peggy had to smirk too. "The guys are fine, probably. Maybe already on their way back home. So do not worry too much about Steve" "I- I am not-!" she wanted to disagree, but you just raised your hand and shook your head. "I might not be a delicate woman, but I am no stupid. I can see, and I can interpret. Just an idiot would miss the chemistry between you and Steve" "Chemistry? That sounds like a pathetic movie" she rolled her eyes and sighed. "Even strong women are allowed to have a crush on a very handsome, nice, gentleman soldier with flawless blond hair and a demigod build body," you winked at her. You might be able to see a little glint of red around her nose. "I can relate, don't worry. Who wouldn't be interested in a 1,83 cm tall man build of pure muscles, right?" "I am not that superficial!" "I know!" you nod your head shortly and smiled warmly. "You like Steve because of Steve. Because of his values, principles, and character. Not because of his physical experience. I just want to say, it is okay to have a crush on him. Even though we are strong women, we are allowed to have feelings for someone else" "Is that so? What about you? You and Sergeant Barnes? Hm? You tell me I am allowed to fall in love with someone else but look at you! All cool and cold about the Soldier" "Me and Barnes? James Buchanan Barnes? The Womanizer from Brooklyn? No thanks," you shook your head and thought about Bucky for a second and shook your head again. "No! Never possible" "Sure" "I mean, he is too ---- too Bucky" "too Bucky?" "Yeah, you know, too smooth, charming with that crooked but somehow alluring smile and – you know – the optical appealing physic" "So…. You think he looks good?" "No, that's not what I meant" "That's what you said" "I just…. Analyzed it on a neutral basis!" "If you feel better about yourself if you say it like that," Peggy shrugged her shoulders and turned her back on you. What you said was nonsense. Looking for all those little things about a person, it not just analyzing them. It's giving them this special kind of attention, where you try to find as many little things as possible. "Steve told me about you and Bucky and your rough relationship" "What?! Why did he-" "For research purposes," Peggy interrupted you and turned around to look at you with a little smirk on her lips. "That there is a special kind of tension between you two is obvious. I needed to know if it is helpful or hindering for future missions. If there are problems in the Team, I should know, and he mentioned the thing between you two. I always thought that men are the underexposed gender, but in this case, it's you who is not getting it" "Getting it? Getting what?" "Sergeant Barnes" "Bucky? There is not much about him to get. He is a man; he likes boobs, hips, and most importantly, a lack of brain" "Sure about that?" "You are already the second person who is asking me that. Yes, I am sure! I do not change my mind on things; I am usually getting things right the first time, and James Buchanan Barnes? He is egocentric, idiotic, self-assertive, and the general opinion that a woman will immediately fall in love with his pretty face. So, what is there that I do not get about him?" "You actually have no clue, don't you?" you give a huge groan of annoyance and stood up from your chair. "Call me when they returned from the mission and how it went. I am sure Colonel Philips has something to do for me which is more sense full than…. Waiting," you turned your back to Peggy and wanted to walk out of the room when she mentioned something towards you, which throw out of the line a bit. "he likes you; that's why he behaved like this. I can't say if it's love but measured by the amount of time he has a crush on you, I would suggest it's something like love. Well, you can never be sure with men, but I am pretty sure he likes you" – "That's-" you turned around for a second and shook your head. "He is a little schoolboy who likes to play pranks and joking around. He was never serious about anything or anyone besides the friendship with Steve. It's just…. Bucky" "One of the many things I learned from my brother is that boys show affection by being extraordinarily annoying and mean towards girls. They think it would make them cooler and gives them the Bad Boy Charm. Obviously, it didn't work in that case, but I am sure sergeant Barnes has a little thing for you" Instead of answering her, you just left the room. The guys will be fine and probably back soon. Originally you wanted to ask your uncle for something to do, but now, you just wanted to have a strong and big drink. So you headed to your room, make a quick change of clothes, and left the basis for the pub nearby.

You sat there. A few hours – at least you thought it would be a few hours – but in reality, it must have been an hour or so. Not more than one and a half. Time was rushing in your current state of awareness because your brain was working. Your thoughts were rolling over each other because you tried to find the mistake in that scenario. You and Bucky? You have never been friends before, and now he had a crush on you? Apparently, to Peggy, he had a desire for a long time, but that wouldn't make sense. He was always with other girls, was flitting around, never seemed too happy about your presence. He just had a few nice words for you when you two meet, and mostly they were meant ironically. And then – out of the blue – there were these letters, and now you are completely confused. The people around you, telling you he has feelings for you but does he? Or is he just a good actor? You would assume the second, but Steve would have told you otherwise. So what is it with Bucky? He behaved strangely when he was around you and even more strange when others were around too. He was inconsistent, but why? This man was acting without any kind of logical concept behind it, and it drives you crazy, and then you came back to your old tuck and war game in your head. You wanted it to be accurate, but you know it couldn't be possible. Stuck between reality and a pipe dream (when you can call it like that). But instead of asking why he was acting like that, you should ask a better question: how did you felt about that? All of that? You couldn't stand Bucky because of his lucid character but was that all? Was that the whole reason why you didn't like him all these years?

"Hey, pretty Lady," someone put a drink next to you on the counter. It was a familiar voice you could recognize easily by now. "How you know I was here?" "I didn't. We successfully finished the mission, so we wanted to go for a drink. It just happened to be this pub with you in it" "James-" "Oh no. I thought we would be over the James thing" "I never liked you, and I showed you that I didn't like you. I even told you that I don't! So why –"you moved your head sideways to looked in his face. "So why do you like me? Why the only girl who showed that she is not interested?" he moved his head forth and back and had a slight smile on his lips. "I- I could say because you were the only one not interested, but that would be just half of the story?" "Then, what's the whole story?" "Well… It was somehow a love at the first sight situation, with the difference that you didn't like me" "You vomited on my dress" "Yeah – haha – not my best first impression, right?" "No. Actually not" "The point is-" he wanted to get a little nearer towards you when the front door of the pub was slammed open. You could hear loudly bawling man, and when Bucky leaned back and raised his hand for a greeting wave, you know it was the rest of the Howling Commando. And you immediately had that hunch that Bucky would go on distance now, and your conversation would be over. "Alright. You should go" "No, why? I am here talking to you" "Ohhh, you want to stay with me? All informal?" "Claw-" "James," he shudders his head and grins a little bit. "It wasn't your authority I had concerns about. Your uncle is the Colonel and Boss of this group. I didn't want to fall in disgrace" "A pretty lame excuse, don't you think?" "It isn't an excuse" "Sound like one" "Why-" he knit his eyebrows and shake his head slowly. "Why are you so distrustful of me? What I did to you?" "You ---! Do not act like I am the odd one here" "Odd one? What you mean?" "You have a crush on me?" you decided to jump into the cold water and just asked the question, which burned on your tongue. Also, Bucky seemed to be overwhelmed by that and looked at you like a deer in headlights. You were a little impatient, so after you didn't get an answer, you just rolled your eyes and stood up from your seat. "Boys will be boys…" you whispered, annoyed and thrust past Bucky and head for the Exit of the pub, with fast steps. Behind your back, you could hear how Bucky pushed back his chair too and head after you. "Claw, wait!" he wanted to grab your forearm, but you were faster and went out of the door. If you believe he would give up – haha – good joke. You took a deep breath from the cold evening air when you felt pressure around your wrist. As fast as you've always been, you withdraw your hand from Bucky's, turned around, and wanted to punch him in the face. But you underestimated him and his reflexes. He already saw that coming and dodge his head to the side and grinned. "You know most girls just start whimpering if they didn't get an answer" "I am not like most girls" you were incredibly angry at yourself for wasting so much time with him. You were angry about him for being him! So you went for the next attack and wanted to use a horizontal elbow strike, which was also blocked by him. This time, he holds your elbow tight with his hands he blocked it with. "Yes, that's right. You are not. You are like a feral cat. Always grumpy and always willing to fight" "Right!" you rushed to remove your arm from his hold, took a half step back, and went for a lead head kick, but you got it a little bit lower, so you would just hit his rips. He wasn't prepared for that, so you hit him with full power. He groaned in pain and hold his side; he could already feel how a big hematoma will grow there. This time, he really did make her angry. He heard from Steve that she was a good fighter, but he never knew how good she actually was. She was fast, strong, and had total control over the positioning of her kicks and punches. A real powerhouse of a woman. Of course, he went for the feisty one! "Ouch – that was a good one, Claw" he pulled in air sharply and put again a smile one. "But if you would have waited for 10 seconds more, you would have to get your answer" "I don't need one anymore" you loosed up your attack and defense fight position and pulled straightened your clothes, and wanted to leave when Bucky grabbed your arm, again and again, you punched him. This time, you got his nose. "Jesus – Claw!" he pulled his head back and hold his nose, but you didn't saw blood coming out from it, so it was fine. Maybe it will get a little swollen but not more. "Stop punching me!" "Stop touching me!" "No!" "Okay, then do not complain about punches!" "Why do you have to punch me?!" "I don't know – reflexes?" "Get it under control!" "Stop touching me!" "No!" "Why?!" "Because I don't want to!" "Okay then-" "Even if you use me as a punching sack," "Don't complain then!" "Just stop it for a second" "Why?" "Because I want to tell you that I indeed have a crush on you!" "Why?" "What you mean with why? It's just like this!" "Why?" "Claw!" you looked at him perplexed. When you heard it, and it was clear that he had a crush on you, you were more confused than before. That never happened before. Never ever did a boy admit something on you – except when they said they didn't like you. That was something new, and now it was Bucky too. The only one you could never imagine in that situation. "Claw?" he ripped you out of your thoughts and wanted to take a step nearer to you. Of course, he was careful and afraid that you would punch him again. "Permission to come near?" he asked jokingly, and you nodded slowly. "tell me why" "Why? Claw, I do not have an answer for that" he shrugged his shoulders. "It just is what it is. One day, I started to look at you closer, notice little things you did, and then it just happened" "You stalked me?!" "No! NO! That's not what – Jesus! You are so intelligent and yet so stupid" he seemed to get angry too, or more frustrated. "I send you these letters in the hope you would change your mind about me. There is something private and intimate, so you could know me on a different level. With people around us, it was hard for me to get to know you" "Okay, but-"you knit your eyebrows in confusion. "Why all the flirts with numerous girls? In front of me? Didn't make sense" "Well-" he smirked. "I thought I could make you jealous, but it clearly didn't work" "No, it didn't! The opposite happened; I liked you less" "Wow – ouch – yes, it was a stupid idea but-" "No! You are just joking around!" you made a few steps away from him to leave, but he heads after you again, and he grabbed your wrist again and pulled you towards him, this time. At that moment, you wanted to make a noise of protest, but it was too late. He pressed his lips on yours but not in an aggressive way. It was somehow a gentle and shy kiss, more like a softly putting his lips on yours despite the situation. You were surprised by the act itself but also by the good feeling it gave you. A few seconds, you tried to melt into that new, arousing feeling until your brain started to work again and pulled you faced back and slapped Bucky hardly in the face. "Claw-"but before he could finish the sentence, you grabbed his face and kissed him again. You wanted to make sure this feeling was not just a one-time glimpse, and it wasn't. After a few seconds, you ended the kiss and were shocked about the result, and when the last minute panic was growing in you, you slapped him again. "Sorry," you directly apologized what didn't make the situation better. You kicked him, punched him, and slapped him multiple times. Seemed like he would be over you right now. "I hope it's not getting a habit to hurt me, whenever I am near to you….?" "You plan to do this more often?" "I –" he wanted to say something and just shook his head. You were incredible and so naturally honest. "I want to kiss you again – now – please do not punch me" "I try" "Promise!" "I try, but I can't promise!" "Claw!" "Wait-"you took one step back again. "I still don't get it. You behaved like a jerk all these years because you liked me?" "Yes" "That's so stupid!" "I am a boy, Claw. We do stupid things" "But that even too stupid for you," he groaned, annoyed and shook his head, when he stemmed his arms in his hips. "Just shut up for a second and let me kiss you. Okay?" "But-" she wanted to disagree, but he went to her with a few quick steps to kiss her again. It was still soft but more confident and intense. And there was it again, that little, intense and new feeling which started to grow in your stomach. It tingled a little but was warm – so hot – and it grows fast until that warmth was everywhere in your body. He stated a little sweet, with a bitter undertone, from his drink. His lips were so soft, but his hands on your cheeks felt a little bit sore but not disturbing at all. He smelled a little bit like smoke, sweat, and dirt from the mission he came from. When he ended the kiss, he slightly smirked. "You didn't punch me. We are making progress, darling" "Don't call me that" bumped him against his chest, so he had to make a half step back with a bright smile. You rolled your eyes and turned away from him. "Fuck you!" – "Would you?" "You know, I used to dream about ending your life" you had that little devilish smile on your face, which just get countered by his self-proud smile. "Now you want to spend it with me? I would call that progress" "Na, I still think about ending it if you continue doing what you are doing" "And what am I doing?" "You are driving me crazy. Stop that" "No chance," he shook his head and put his arm around your shoulders. "What are you doing?" – "touching you?" "Stop that" "No way!" "Barnes!" "I love it when you are yelling my Name" "You ---- IDIOT!" "Your idiot. We want to be specific here" "I kill you, I promise!" "Don't make promises you can't keep" "Who said I can't keep it?" "Because you do not hate me" "Grrrrr – you are still an idiot!" "Loooooove is in the aaaaaaair," he stats to sing when it was finally enough for you. You freed yourself from him and ran a few steps forward, but he came after you. Guess you didn't get rid of him any time soon.

The next mission for the howling Commando was in progress. Together with the soldiers, Peggy, Uncle Chester, and you were developing a better plan. They told you that there was some trouble with equipment and gave you information about how this facility was built. Based on the new information's you were designing a new plan of attack. This progress took a while, and it took much time. So you personally had just a little time left and spend this free hour with sleep and rest. Since Bucky didn't have all these tasks, he was finished with his things early on days. Actually, he just had the usual training schedule on his daily routine. Maybe a weapon test, when Stark was finished with something new, but that's it.

"Great! Put it down on a report, so we can give it for further investigations" your uncle closed the meeting for the day and left the notes on the big round table. Today it was your turn to put the stuff you talked about into a pretty file. It would be the last thing on your to-do list for the day. After everybody left the room, you heard how the door opened again. You looked over the big table on the opposite of the room. You saw Bucky standing there, having a quick view over the notes on the table. "paperwork?" utilizing his voice, you could tell that he hoped you would say no, but he knew it was a lost hope. "Yes," you groaned in exhaustion and looked again over all the papers. It was a hard week for you, and you didn't have a lot of sleep. So many things that need to be done, and this was the last drip for you. Since the War began and you were in active service, something like weekend got a foreign word. "Maybe I can help you?" "Just when your fingers can tip on a writing machine as fast as you can shoot" "Uhm…. No" "Then you can't help me" "Buuuut-" he smiled and walked around the table towards you. "I can do other things?" he went behind you and stroke your hair to the side to start kissing your neck softly. "James-"you giggled a bit. "We can't – not here!" "did I mentioned that I love it when you call me James with that flutter voice of yours?" "Sergeant Barnes!" you wanted to talk sense in him, but there was no chance that he would end his activity back there. "I love it even more when you call me Sergeant Barnes," he whispered into your ear with a hot breath, so your whole neck was covered in goosebumps. After a few moments, he started to caress your neck with the tip of his fingers. As he would crawl you. "You are really tensed" then he started to massage your neck, which elicited you a few relaxing groans. It felt so good when he's strong, and big hands knead your hurting muscles in your neck, and you closed your eyes for a few seconds to really lean into his movements. It's been a while since you two had time for each other. After that – more than just awkward – evening, you hadn't had many moments to talk about what happened. You two just agreed – in silence – that you would just roll with it and see where it ends. You are still suspect about him a little bit. On a scale from 1 – 10, you trusted him with a good 6 or 7. So there was a long way to something like a liaison. Bucky was incredibly talented when I came down to being seductive and charming. Nothing you didn't know before, but you had to be careful. After you just let go of most of your thoughts, falling for him completely was a sweet forbidden fruit. He couldn't control any of his desires, drives, or carvings, so you had to be twice a careful. The art was to not get addicted to him and taste too much of that sweet, sweet flavor and have just enough taste on the tip of your tongue to make life delicious as candy. If you tasted too much, you would get into an ecstasy, to less, and you two would get bored. It was a balancing act, or a play with fire because Bucky was like a forest fire. "Hey Claw," his voice brought you back to reality, and you tried to turn your head towards him. "hm?" "Do you want to go out with me tonight? Dancing? Having a drink? Maybe a little moonlight walk?" "A date? You want to go on a date with me?" "I want to take you out, not date. Dating is for people who are not a couple – we are" "Are we?" you asked back. For you, it wasn't a real couple feeling what you two had and did. It was more like a workplace romance, but it didn't felt like something serious, strong, and made for more. "You – You didn't think we are, something?" "Bucky-" you turned around to him and leaned against the table. "What do we know about each other? Most of the time I have known you, I didn't like you" "Thanks for the friendly reminder" "I just want to point out that you can't jump from enemies to lover just by the blink of a moment" he seemed to thought about it and nodded his head. "Good. We have a date tonight. Put on something nice, and I will pick you up. Sound good?" "Indeed" "Great! But-" he put a hand on your cheek and gave you a little kiss on your cheekbones. "I will not give up the kisses, even if it is indecently" he winked at you and wanted to leave the room. At the moment he left, you wanted him back. He smelled so incredible good, and his body warmth was so intense when he was near to you. "Sergeant Barnes!" and as you would pull him back on the string, he turned around to you in one fluid movement, beat the heels together, and stretched his head forward as he would expect any commands from you. "Yes, Ma'am?" To be honest? You liked him in his soldier mode. So serious and receptive to your orders, even though you didn't have a higher military rank than he did. "Please remind your Unit to submit their mission reports in time. I do not want to run after that" "Yes, Ma'am," he winked at you before he left the room. After you were sure he left, you took a deep breath. You needed to get your work done, and after that, you could think about the date tonight. If you manage to be able to go there. You have to admit, you never went on a date before. You never were interested in this kind of activity, AND nobody ever asked you.

It took you forever to put everything on paper and file it away. It was a long evening in the office and your eyes already hurt from the desk lamp's bad lighting. It was somehow a filthy yellowish light, and it started to flicker after a few hours. You realized how late it was when you heard the door behind you. You looked tiredly over your shoulder and saw Bucky in his dress uniform. "You forgot it?" "No. I just had too much work to do" "You need help?" "No, I finished it, like 1 minute ago" you leaned back in your seat and closed your eyes. "So you don't want to go out anymore?" "To be honest? I would prefer to just stay here and have a casual evening" "Okay," he nodded and grabbed a chair from nearby to sit next to her. Before he sat down, he unbuttons his uniform jacket and hangs it over the backrest of his chair. He also got rid of his tie and opened the first two buttons of his shirt, pulled it out of the trouser, and took off his head to loosen his hair too. He looked like a wild night out, with too many drinks and wild affairs. Perfect fit to your optical illusion right now. You were tired, your uniform slipped here and there a little bit, and you already took off your shoes and tie. "Already better! So – I am sure somebody has a bottle of scotch in their desk drawers" "Yes-"you pointed at the biggest desk at the top of the room. "My uncle has some, in the lowest one" "Your uncle? Sure nobody else?" "Just go and grab the damn scotch!" "Yes, Ma'am!" he stood up and walked fast over there. Didn't took him long to get the bottle and came back. "Glasses?" he looked around to look for Something they can use as glass. "Damn it" you overreached the bottle and opened it, and took a sip out of it. You weren't in a pub, fancy ballroom, dinner with parents, or in the company! You could drink right out of the bottle, at least this one time. "Okay," he took the bottle back and took a sip. "You are not ladylike, aren't you?" "Definitely not!" "That's good. I am not a fan of the Gentleman stuff either" "You would look terrible in cylinder and wreck" "You think so?" "Pretty sure, yes" "Thank God I do not have to wear one. The military uniform is already killing me. Do you know how much time it took me to get into all of these layers? An unreasonable daman!" he took another sip. "Be happy you do not have to wear these tight skirts – Jesus, what would I give for a pair of comfortable shoes and pants!" you took the bottle back and also took a big sip. "I mean-" he raised an eyebrow, put on a mischievous smile, and tilted his head a bit. "You could just take all off" "No!" you took another sip. "I am not one for your easy girls, where you just smile, and the clothes fall off" "That's what you think of me? A sex-driven guy?" "I didn't say that! I just said that it took you more effort to take off my clothes" "I didn't doubt that" he took back the bottle and took a big big sip out of it. "What you planned for the evening? Besides dancing and walking?" "Talking. Mostly talking. I already talked with Steve, and there are so many things we do not know about each other. So maybe tonight is a good start?" "Sure. Ask whatever you want to know" "How did you meet Steve?" "Oh good – I guess it was somewhere in the primary school. His father and my father were friends from active Service. So we meet somehow one day. We linked over a book and got into a chat, and – yeah – now we are here. How did you meet, by the way? That Is way more interesting?!" "he got into a fight. Couldn't finish it. So I did. Our bonding moment" "Guys," you rolled your eyes, smiled, and reached out for the bottle to take another sip. "And your father is fine with you being here? And serving for your country? I bet he must be proud that his little wildcat is doing Something in the military as he did?" "Uhm…. He… I hope he is proud, but I don't know" "You don't know? Didn't have that strong bound?" "Oh no, we have – had – we were really close" "Had?" "He died a few months ago inactive Service. Before Steve and I joined the SSR, I got a letter that he passed away. But it's not a big deal, I knew he would die in this way and so did he" "You dad died, that's a big deal" "It was predictable, so it didn't hit as hart" "But --- how can you not be sad?" "Like I said, it was predictable. It's not like that I didn't love my father, but I knew he would die inactive Service, so it was kind of prepared for that" you shrugged your shoulders took another sip out of the bottle. "Is that why you like to follow logic ways?" "Hm?" "I noticed, you are fine with things as long they are logical. As soon as it's not logical, you are confused" "maybe. Maybe not. I never thought about it. Logic is simple and relatable in contrast to people" "That can't be true! You have to have a person you can rely on! What about…. Your uncle!" "Hm… he was there when my mother died when I was younger, but he left someday, without a word" "Then you father!" "The US Army was always more important than me. He would prioritize them over me all the time" you shrugged your shoulders and took another sip from the bottle – a big one this time. "Who else is on your life, then?" "Steve was with you most of the time. I am not resentful because of that. Friendships between the same Sex are always stronger, so it was fine" "You do not have siblings?" "No" "Aunts? Uncles?" "No" "Grandparents?" "Dead. Listen, Bucky-" you shrugged your head. "I am fine. I've been good on my own, so I just will continue doing that; worked out good" "But-" he knit his eyebrows. "You are not alone" "Yes, I know I have my uncle with me all the time, now. And Steve, Peggy – You! But what will happen after the war ends? Everyone will go their own ways then" "You think?" "Colonel Philips will stay in the Army, Peggy and Steve will start something together – at least I hope so and I-" "We could be together too, you know?" "You think that will work? Honestly?" "You don't?" "James-" "Here we go" "Please listen. You are not as bad as I thought, you are a really nice guy. A little bit chaotic but through and through loveable, charismatic, aesthetic, good looking, and you can be a gentleman. Many women lie at your feet, and I believe you would find a good looking one to be your future wife one day. So why me? I do not have a wife's potential. So why me? I really do not get it, not at all!" he listened, nodded his head, and took a sip of the scotch. "You think you are not loveable?" "That's not what I asked. Why me? I was never nice to you. Never" "Good question! Great question! I-I don't know-" "Bucky-" "let me finish! I do not know the correct answer. But….. in the 10th grade – it was a pretty hot summer day, so the school ended earlier – as soon as you left the school, you sat down on this old bench in front of the school. You wore a summer dress in decent light blue with a darker color gradient. Your hair was up in a messy bun, and a few strands hang out. So you sat there, with a black book in your hands with golden letters on it, and we're just reading. It seemed like you were completely sunken into these pages until Steve walked over to you and talked to you. You looked up and had the most beautiful smile on your ever I ever saw. Bright and full of joy! And immediately, I felt warm and happy. This was the only time I ever saw it on you, and somehow-" he interrupted his sentence and smiled warmly and in total nostalgia. "Somehow, I wanted to be the reason for that smile. Claw --- do you believe in love at first sight? I know it sounded pathetic, but at that moment – in that little moment – I started to had a crush on you. So I talked to Steve, and he wanted to introduce me to you, at that summer ball, when I vomited on your dress. Good first impression, right? After that, I noticed you couldn't stand me, but I didn't want to give up because no matter how many times a girl smiled at me, I never had that feeling again, and that's why I cannot let you go! Not without a serious try! Can you --- can you understand that Claw? Even though you do not believe in that?" you listened to every word that he said, and even if you do not understand the reasoning, you somehow understand his emotional situation. "That why you wrote the letters?" "mhm, yes! At the front – when people try to kill you, you find yourself in the position to write a bucket list, and you know what? Giving It a try with you was the first thing that came to my mind. So I started to write you these letters. Worst case scenario? I got to shoot, and it was just a stupid idea" he did a shoulder shrug and grabbed the bottle to take a sip – the last one. "When I think about it now, it was just a stupid idea. Instead of accepting these sad feelings and admitting them," he stood up from his seat and grabbed his jacket, swung it over one shoulder, and grabbed his heat. "I start to get tipsy. Didn't drink that much in a while; I guess I will go to bed now," he explained. "Normally, I would try to sneak a good night kiss or would try to seduce you – well… I guess not tonight. You didn't seem to have decided yet if you want to give it a try yourself. I might be a jerk compared to you, but I am not that stupid" he pinched together his eyes because the dizziness started to grow. "So it's up to you now. Tell me if you like me enough to try or don't" he shrugged his shoulders and head towards the exit. "Oh and –" he turned around for another time. "Have a good night, Agent Claw" "That's not –"you smiled and shook your head. "Good night, Sergeant Barnes – Bucky" you nodded and saw him go. Good question, by the way: do you want to give it a try or not? Maybe it's not the right time to think about that, right now. You were tipsy, tired and it was late in the night. You should go to sleep yourself and rethink your choices for a second in the morning.

The next day was a calm one. This short before a new mission, it was usually hushed on the foothold. The soldiers prepared themselves for the next big thing, and the strategic department hadn't any work left. The plans were made and given to the soldiers, so it was up to them to do as they told. Peggy was fuzzy as usual and studied the method for tomorrow's mission over and over again, in case there was a leak, but there wasn't. So your uncle and yourself were pretty relaxed and were just sitting around.

So you got yourself a quiet place in the conference room, where you gabbed a swivel chair and rotate a little bit while you stare at the ceiling. You wanted to make another full turn when someone stopped your chair. You didn't even notice someone came in. "Hey Claw" "Steve! Stressed out because of tomorrow?" "Not really. Can I have a seat?" "Sure," he placed himself in front of you on another chair. "I guess we have to talk," he started and looked you drop dead serious in the eyes. "Do we?" "About Bucky? I guess we have to. Honestly, I never thought I needed to give a girl a Bucky Speech, but I guess there is a first time for everything" "A Bucky Speech? Seriously, Steve?" "Don't worry, he got the Claw Speech already" "There is a Speech about me? What did you tell him?" he gave you that glace, that he would not tell you this and you didn't care too much. "When I imagined this moment, I always thought I would actually write down all the points I am about to talk about. Thinks like: he is a good man, chaotic but honest, he will care for you and be a good husband and so on and on…. But I guess I do not have to tell you that. You either already know that or don't care, so I can save it for later-" he started to knead his hands as he would be nervous or tensed, Something like that. "Actually, I have to take a different approach. We – we both – know each other for many years, so I can claim that I know you! I know the character you made up to keep the world and their problems away from you. I know the character you turn on when you meet someone you don't like AND – most importantly – I know your real self. And I know that you never let anybody near you, especially not people you weren't so sure about. All the more, it surprised me that you and Bucky started to getting a – a thing. But Claw… Bucky is not like you, you know? He has his edges and mistakes, but he is – open. He is open, honest, truthful, brave, strong, and… delicate. He would never show or tell you, but he very sensitive sometimes, and you? You keep delicate and sensitive as far away as possible. You do that because you are afraid of getting hurt, and you do it successfully. It took me a few years to figure that out, and I think Bucky didn't realize it by now. I am afraid he will find out too late when he got already been hurt by you. Listen, we – you and I – will stay friends – good friends, I hope. But… if you do not take Bucky seriously, tell him now and not, when he already fall for you. Because somehow-" he laughed a little bit. "Somehow, he really is in love with you. I guess the saying that opposite attracted was never as true as right now. You get what I want to say?" you listened to every single word, and he had some points. You thought about it yourself a few times by now. And from a simple logical viewpoint, it was more consistent to turn Bucky down. But somehow, you couldn't. You had him, and you knew that, and now you didn't want to let him go. He was yours now. "I understand your concerns" you nodded slowly and smiled. "But I do not share your concerns" Steve knit his eyebrows and looked confused at you. You just shrugged the shoulders slowly and smiled. "D-Does that mean that you--?" "Well…" "Really, Claw? Bucky? You and Bucky?" "There is no Me and Bucky yet. But maybe? I don't know" "For real? I would never ever bet on that" "It's strange for me too. Such a new and unusual feeling, but Bucky isn't as bad as I used to think about him" "So that means you – you are actually trying?" "I try… trying…? Is that correct? I don't know, Steve! The first time I do Something completely illogical in my life, I didn't feel too bad. Guess it's right, but I don't know. I somehow cannot go fully in, if you understand what I am saying. I overthink a lot right now. So I hope Bucky has a little patience left for me to wait a few more days until I have decided finally" you shook your head and smiled. You liked that picture with you and Bucky more and more in your head, even if it was a strange one. Guess strange was your new thing – your new preference. "okay then… actually…. I don't know what to say anymore!" he stood up, a little bit perplexed still and wanted to leave the room. "Good luck for tomorrow. The mission," you said before he left.

The next day was pretty busy on the base. Since it was the second mission, everything was more detailed and had more context. He changed from the last mission where noted, and a detailed site plan was rolled on the big round table. Every member of the howling commando, which was involved in the current mission, had a Walkie-Talkie to stay in contact with the base. For time management reasons, every member got their own person of strategic support. Of course, it happened that you got Bucky this time since he was the Sniper of the group and needed to have everything on hand. Everything went after the plan they developed until Bucky talked via funk with you. "Hey Claw" "Hm?" "We got a problem" "Problem? Which kind of Problem?" "A big one" "What happened?" "There is a bomb. And it is definitely activated. Some of the scientists turned this thing on when we entered the building" Your uncle heard it and came up to you and grabbed the radio. "Sergeant Barnes, here Colonel Philips. Does the bomb have a time display?" a few moments, nothing happened when Bucky reported back. "It does. It was hidden" "What does the time say?" "two minutes and less" "Is there any opportunity that you guys could just run?" "Negative, Sir. This facility is like a labyrinth. We needed minutes to enter the central point" your uncle shook his head and put the radio down. "This is not good," he whispered before he turned around and screamed into the room. "Is there a bomb specialist here? Anywhere near?" but he didn't get an answer. "Remind me to put a bomb specialist on the shopping list" he turned towards you and retook the radio. "Sergeant Barnes. We do not have technical support here. I would recommend running as fast as you guys can and looking for a safe spot to survive the explosion somehow," and he waited for an answer. "But Sir, we could try to defuse the bomb" "Negative! We do not have a specialist here, and you guys do not know it either" "But the explosion could kill many innocent soldiers, which are captivated here as experiments!" your uncle pinched his eyes together and shook his head. This was a sorrowful and bitter moment because there was no help for these soldiers. He needed to make sure his own people get out there safely. "I repeat! Get your asses out there!" "But Colonel-"this was when you had enough and grabbed the radio yourself. "James Buchanan Barnes! Do what you were told and get yourself and your teammates a safe spot to survive the explosion somehow!" then it was silent for just a few moments, but it felt like hours. "I am sorry. I will try to defuse the bomb!" "Bucky no-" and then the signal got lost, and the Walkie-Talkie went down. "Bucky?" you pressed the button to reconnect your radio with his, but no chance there was a connection build. "James?" you tried again, but there was just a monotony rush instead of his voice. "Sergeant Barnes! James! Bucky!" but there was no connection build. "Someone else?!" your uncle called into the room, but all the others shook their head. Even Peggy had lost her connection to Steve. "all Radios are down, Sir!" "Great. Really great! Get me a technical link to our Team somehow! Wha-What about Stark? He is waiting for our Team to bring them home with a plane! Can we get him on the Phone somehow?" "We are trying!" someone in the base was running around to try out different telephone links and radio frequencies. Then you felt a hand on your shoulder, and when you looked up, it was your uncle. He didn't say anything; he just looked in your eyes, as he wanted to say, that there are not dead and you would have enough time to shoot Bucky your own. Then he went off to try to find a connection to Stark.

It took about 10 minutes to reach out to Stark, who told them that they are safe on board his plane. All of them, the Howling commando and the saved soldiers. Apparently, Bucky just ripped out every cable possible at once, and that somehow worked. Well, seemed to be his Lucky day, at least for now. You had slightly different planes with the hero of the day. And congratulating him wasn't part of that.

You went outside as soon as you heard how a plane was landing. When you stepped outside, you already saw the group of man, walking away from the aircraft towards you and the base behind you. In the middle were Steve and Bucky, while Steve tapped Buck's shoulder as a sign of congratulation. He smiled and laughed, looked around, and everybody was more than happy to be home safely instead of you. You were standing there, in the middle of the base entrance with crossed arms and starring the guys down, which they didn't notice yet. So you started walking towards them until they see your presence. Bucky was the first one, smiled brightly over his whole face, and raised a hand for a welcoming wave towards you. You didn't reply to that and just walked up to him. "Hey Claw!" when he was nearer, he ran the last few meters and stopped in front of you. "I-I am sorry, the radio just went down, and we couldn't keep contact anymore" as proof, he holds up the wholly destroyed Walkie-Talkie. "Mhm," you nodded slightly and didn't even look at the Walkie-Talkie; instead, you gave him a death stare, which kind of scared him. And before he could react, you already gave him a horizontal elbow strike on his cheekbone, making him stagger a few steps back. He releases a painful groan and holds his cheekbone.

Immediately a severe headache started to grow, but you didn't care much. "Sergeant Barnes," you growled, smoothed your clothing, turned around, and walked away. This time, he deserved it! He put himself in a dangerous situation, made it look like his chaotic ass got blown up in the air, and now he pretended to like, nothing happened? Praise the Lord, she was angry. Not just angry, she was about to raise the hell and let it collapse above his head. He was done with living; he just didn't know it by now. Maybe he should ask Cap for his bulletproof shield because he will need it next time he meets her.

Of course, your uncle got the news of what happened and had to disciplinary you. He had a 'no fighting in the team' police, and he was strict. You hit Bucky in front of everybody in the Unit. In consideration of his higher military rank, it was a violation of his authority. Which couldn't be tolerated within the military and especially not in the Unit of your uncle. Since he understands that Sergeant Barnes somehow deserved it, you just had to protocol the incident in your own file by yourself. Writing down things like this was horrible. You had to be honest; it needed to be factual and detailed. That forced you to rethink your actions and made sure that it would never happen again. Under different circumstances, you would get a disciplinary procedure and get kicked out of the military; dishonorable discharge would be called. Your uncle sends you to the secretary's rooms, to get your report done and he wanted it in the evening. So you sat there, with a pen in your hand and paper in front of you on the desk and just starred it down. You know it was stupid what you did, but he deserved it so much! This idiot! This stupid, stupid idiot! A knocking on the door ripped you out of your thoughts. You looked up and saw Bucky standing there. His cheek was swollen and already turned a little bit blue. He looked like a lost puppy or even better – he looked like a puppy who knows he did Something wrong and tried to apologize with big eyes and a cute face. "Claw…?" his voice was flat, and he had that questioning tone in it. "May I-" he couldn't even finish the sentence, as fast as you grabbed the stapler and throw it at him. At least he was fast enough to dodge, but the stapler crashed into the hallway wall and broke into pieces. He looked at the shattered thing and turned his head just in time to see that you already throw the hole puncher at him. "You Idiot!" you shouted at him, stood up from your seat, and grabbed all possible things to throw after him. He managed to dodge every time and didn't get hit. "You are an incompetent and complete idiot! I hate you – God knows I HATE you!" you grabbed a cup standing on the desk and tried to go for the head, but you missed somehow. "I wish you would have blown up!" next thing was a notebook, and you were incredible unerring when it came down to hit him. Lucky him, he was fast. "I really was thinking about letting you in my little world, where it is just me and myself, working together but YOU-!" you even got the writing machine to throw at him. "manage to make me angry all the time! Every time I thought, you changed for the better, you came around the corner with the next stupid action, and it's done!" now you went for the desk lamp. "And then you are coming up to me, with that puppy eyes, and think everything is good again? Nooooo NOT this time!" you throw the lamp at him. After that, have you run out of items. You breathed heavily, and the anger was written all over your face. Bucky somehow covered his head with his arms and looked down at all the broken things to his feet. This was a whole new stage of angry for you. "I am honestly this short away from shooting you right here right now! How does it even crossed your mind that you could defuse a bomb build by Hydra with technology we do not fully understand?! HOW? Tell me how?! You could have died, Bucky!" "St-Steve was there too. Why do you not try to murder him?" "Because he is super-soldier, but you are not! You are as normal as I am, and our life is faster over than his!" you needed to take a few deep breaths when you saw the gears turning in his mind. And then, a bright and warm smile came on across his face. "You---- want me? Seriously? For real?" "Wanting you? I want that you start to delate those stupid ideas in your mind!" "But you want me? Want me as yours?" "What are you? A cup you can borrow?" "Claw!" he rushed over to you and smiled at you like a little schoolboy. Even when you tried to kill him in the past minutes, he is still all yours - like a puppy. He looped his arms around your waist and presses his forehead against your temple. You were still a little grumpy and didn't want to look in his face, so you turned your head slightly away from his, towards the door of the room. All these broken things, when your uncle sees that, he would be as angry as you were when you did that. "But please try to kill me not as often, yes?" "You don't decide that!" you growled. Then you heard immediate steps in the hallway, and shortly after, you saw Steve with his shield standing there and looking down at the stuff on the ground. "What the hell-"you fast grabbed Bucky's short handgun and shoot a few times at Steve. Of course, he raised his shield as protection, so he didn't get hurt. Peggy told you she did this one time with him, so you were sure he managed to shield himself from the bullets. Bucky had let go of you and retracted his head when you gave him back his gun. "You are an idiot too!" you growled at Steve when you decided to leave the room and the two boys behind. Boys will be boys and will do stupid things all the time.

"You are so bad at this-" she laughed because he tickled her while she wanted to move one of her chess figures. "Checkmate, my friend" "Mhm," he just murmur a little bit and continued the work he was doing. It was a nice and quiet morning after another mission. When he arrived after two whole days back at the base, the first thing he did was hijacking you and detaining you in his room. Since he was a Sergeant, he had his own four-wall, which came in handy right now. So after 2 days and a tough mission, he wanted to relax with you and maybe do Something more fun, and you had no complaints about it. The result was, you two sleep way too long in the morning, but obviously, nobody seemed to care. Looked like nobody needed one of you at the moment. And instead of just lying lazily in the bed, you suggest playing a round of chess. Bucky had a total lack of talent; besides, he was busy caress your back a little bit. So he wasn't able to fully concentrate on the game, and he didn't even try. He wanted the game to be over, so your full concentration would be on him again. "You smell different when you are awake, you know that?" "What?" you knitted your eyebrows and rolled over on your back to look in his face. He was still a little bit drowsy with wild and fuzzy hair but with that satisfied glow all over his face. "I had no idea; you were into that," he smirked blissfully. "I would love to do that again," and a little mica of hope came up in his eyes. "James!" "Well… maybe not you are right. My back and neck are full of scratches. It would be hard to explain that" he smirked and layer his head next to yours, and but his body over yours. He was tired, and it was no surprise. He came back from a hard mission, and then you kept him awake all night. You felt how his body got heavier and heavier; he was again about to fall asleep. "Bucky, "you put your hand on the backside of his head and started to caress his hair and head, and immediately, you heard a pleasing little purr from him. "Yesterday, Stark finished your new uniform. Remember that? You should go and try it on to see if it fits," but he didn't give you a reaction. He probably just played dead. "Don't pretend like you're asleep. Should I find a way to wake you up- " "No!" promptly, he raised his head and body from yours and sit up. He pinched his eyes for a second and rub over his face a few times before he crawled towards the end of the bed and sat down on the edge of the bed. He put his elbows on his knees and let his head hanging. "Please don't get me wrong. I would love to have another round with you, honestly. But-" he looked over his shoulder and saw you laying in the white sheets on the bed. You rolled over to lie on your side. Your body well-formed, elegant with nice curves, smooth and soft skin, your head propped on your hand, and your hair falling down in great curls, which had a little shine from the morning sun. You grabbed a little piece of fabric to cover your au naturel body a little bit. Enough to make him resist his inner drives but not enough to stop tempting him. He got a little taste last night. How it was to be desired by you and how sensuous you are. It was incredible and stand in such a contrast to how you behave during the day. Honestly, he didn't think you could be that passionate and how you cloud his senses. And then you smile, that delicate but devilish little smile, almost cocky as you would know you could get him back in bed anytime. You just needed to slip the sheet from your body. "Stop that, please. I beg you" he shook his head and looked away. He never expected to be on this side of the story, being the one who got captured and turned into jelly when the significant other had that specific look on their face. Normally it was always him to seduce the woman, but this time around, he got seduced. "But Sergeant…" this tone in your voice gave him chills and prickles in the stomach. He heard how you moved on the bed, and a second later, you entangle your arms around his neck and shoulders, your bare upper body pressed against his naked back. "But it's not appropriate for a Sergeant to beg," you whispered into his ear, with your lips slightly graze his ears and your hot breath hunting down his neck and jawline, so he got goosebumps. Oh, sweet, sweet temptation. "Maybe I can offer myself to you in the evening?" "You are not a barter object" you gave him a little kiss on the cheek and let him go. "Do not forget to visit Stark!" you let yourself fall – back first – down in the bed again. Because of that, the chess game fell down on the floor. Guess you had to clean it up before you leave his room. After finally managed to get up and being dressed properly, you had to go back to work. Since it's the first day after a mission, you had plenty of time to go back to the headquarters office to do the paperwork. Luckily for you, Steve was fast with his mission reports, so you could at least start with Something, but the other Soldiers will take their time with writing down everything. Because of that, the training room was free today, so it was your chance to get a little exercise without the guys and maybe a meeting with Peggy and your uncle to analyze the newest target facility for the next mission. But actually, she just wanted to stay in bed for the whole day. She felt relaxed and light as it has not been for a long time. Was a great – wonderful – feeling, but after all, there is a war going on, and there is no time for relaxing. "What's your plan for the day?" you looked over to Bucky, who was already half-dressed and just needed to put on a shirt. "Work" the daylight was falling through the window directly on his body. Looked like liquid silk because his skin color was very light and unscathed. "Work?" "Paperwork" "Should I come and save you from the bad paperwork?" "I know you would love to, but this paperwork is essential for your next mission" "Claw," he moaned, annoyed. "I am not even 12 hours back, and you are already talking about the next one?" "Destroying the facilities is the top priority! We need to get it done as fast as possible" "I know, but-" "Bucky. As sooner we are done with this, as sooner the war might be over" "Uhm by the way…. Do you have any plans when it's all done? After the War?" "No. Not really" you knit your eyebrows. "I guess I will start studying Something? Maybe anything like that. What about you?" he shrugged his shoulders and put on a shirt. "You know, the usual: Job, House, Wife, and children. Nothing spectacular, just Something I can call my own" "That… actually sounds nice" "Oh and a dog" "Hmpf… I would like a cat" "We can have both" he winked at you and left the room before you could think about his words more. "WE?!" but before you could have a real protest, he was already out of the door.

You were already a few months into it, destroying Hydra and the liaison you had with Bucky, and it was perfect. Sadly the Hydra mission proceeded sluggishly since their head scientist, Dr. Armin Zola, was still free. When they destroyed one facility, he was building a new one somewhere else on the planet. So your uncle came up with a new priority: capturing Zola. Easier said as done since the SSR never knew where he actually was. You also lost track of Red Skull, so it was a big mess on that side. But the good thing was that every time you find and shut down a Hydra base, you learned new things about their technology, and Stark went straight to the technology heaven. Every time the Howling Commando brought back new weapons to analyze and create new ones, Stark was heavily busy.

Speaking of the Howling Commando – they went to their next mission in Germany this time. This one was long and took over a week but 'luckily' for you, Bucky did not go with them. The reason for that was, he got hurt, so Steve decided to let him at the base, so he could cure completely. So he was staying at the bottom, much to your delight, and even better was the fact that it was up to you to make sure he cured well. Your uncle gave you that task, not knowing what you two would actually do, since the whole Bucky and Claw thing were still a secret and nobody noticed by now. It is hard to believe, looking at the fact that you two were heavily marked by each other all over your bodies and went missing at the same time. Seemed like that everybody was entirely concentrated on the overall mission, so nobody had attention left to notice what was going on with you two.

"Ouch, Claw!" "You are such a baby, Bucky" you rolled your eyes and let off from his shoulder and massages his lower back, which relaxed him immediately. The wound, because of which he was left here, was a woof through his shoulder. He got it while he had a hand to hand fight with one of the guards on the last mission. Earlier this morning, he complained about back pain and had the idea that you could give him a massage, and of course, he would return the favor, so you agreed. "I need to cure! You should be gentle with me" "Ladies and Gentleman, the Sergeant" "You know, what you are doing, is called: disrespecting a higher-ranked person, right?" "You know what it called, what you are doing is? Taking advantage of a higher position of power," and as an answer, he just growled. "Baby…" you whispered again and stopped the massage. Your hands were tired, and besides the fact, you had an appointment. "What? Why you stopped?" "My deepest apologies, but-"you reached out for his bed desk and grabbed his pocket watch. "I have plans" "Plans? What plans?" "I will meet Stark in his laboratory" "Why?" "Because he has a new weapon for me. My old gun didn't work anymore, and he offered me to build a new one with new technology" "You know he is flirting with you, right? Since Peggy and Steve devouring each other with their eyes, he had caught an eye on you" "I know," you didn't sound concerned or even surprised. More like you didn't care too much. "You know?" "Wasn't hard to recognize. I really have to go-"you stood up from the bad and grabbed your clothing and put your stuff on under the vigilant eyes of Bucky. "I think I can convince you to stay…" "I am sure you can" you smirked and button your blouse. "The fun doesn't have to end, you know. We could stay in bed the whole day if you want to" "Bucky…. There is still much to do. War is not over yet" "God, I wish it would be over soon" "When we capture Zola and Red Skull, it will be over, for sure. Then we can stay in bed all day long" "I hope this day will come soon. You know what I was thinking about?" propped up his upper body and slide to the side of the bed to sit on the edge. He reached out to our hands, grabbed them gently, and pulled you closer to him. "No?" you put your hands down on his should and starts to play with his hair. "After the War is finished, I take you out for dancing. We will have a real date and another and another and another, But – here is the clue – after every date, I take you home" "That's the clue? This is good education, Bucky!" "No, no, you miss the point. I take you home, and I am going home with you. I mean, I am taking you to our home" "Our home?" you knit your eyebrows a little, be skeptical about his idea. "Wouldn't you like that? A small house in the city? O-Or a flat! Maybe a flat would be enough for a start, we still need room to grow. You can have your cat!" "Bucky-" "I know, I know, it's much to think about! I am telling you this is because my sister got her second child and will move out of our parents' flat. She and her husband will move into a house so the flat would be available. It's a big one, with plenty enough space for a second person" you wanted to say Something and opened your mouth, but no word came out. It was safe to say that you were a little overwhelmed with that suggestion. "You do not have to answer now. She will sublet the flat until I come back home. When the times come, you can come with me if you want to" "Bucky--- don't you think this is going way too fast?" "No – well – I mean, it's an option. Just a possibility you can keep in mind if you want to. When my sister and her family are gone, it will be quiet in the flat. I assume you will have the same at your home since your father is gone" "You are right, but-" "Hey," he smiled softly. "You do not have to decide now. Just think about it, okay?" you smiled back and slowly nodded. "Now you should go. Stark is for sure already waiting for you" "Right! See you later" you gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and then you left the room.

You went down to Starks laboratory to look for your new weapon. It was a big basement, just for him, since his inventions had the unpleasant habit of exploding from time to time. So your uncle gave him the basement, which was initially build to be an atomic bunker. You opened the big, heavy metal door and wanted to call after Stark when he popped up in front of you out of the blue. "I expected you hours ago!" he raised one eyebrow and looked suspicious at you. "I had…. Something to do" "Something, hun? Guess you didn't get much sleep, based on the circles under your eyes, Darling" "What do you hint at?" "You know what I mean – anyway! Your weapon, this way, my love" he points at a table at the end of the room where you should go over.

"So what can it do?" you saw a little weapon, ideal for having in it with you in a purse or at the belt. The thing was with women and Weapons that they have to be smaller, as usual, to sneak them with you all the time. "Basically working like a normal handgun but with significantly more shots, and I built it lighter than normal. It is basically a normal gun, but I took out the extra weight. Is that what you wanted?" you took the weapon and turned it over and over a few times to see it from all perspectives. Indeed it was incredibly light and handy. "exactly what I wanted" "I am glad I could make you happy. So…. How is Sergeant Barnes?" "Why?" "I don't know-" he shrugged his shoulder and had that all-knowing- look on his face paired with a smirk. "Howard, I have a loaded weapon in my hand. Do you think this is the right moment for unappropriated questions?" you gave him a strong glace with no room for false interpretations. He opened his mouth to say Something, when the light went down and the earsplitting sound of siren halls through the building. "What in God's name-"Stark covered his ears with his hands, but you know the sound of that siren – the signal for everybody in the building that enemies managed to enter the base. "Guess I have to try her out now!" you grabbed the second magazine and put it in your belt. "Hey, Stark! You can use a gun?" "Sure I can!" "Good. Grab one, we have to fight" you unlock your gun and head for the exit of the bunker. A quick look left and right to make sure the enemies are not on the hallway, and then you went straight for the way in the upper floors. Your steps were as quiet as possible, but luckily the heavy sound of the siren was covering most of your own noises you made.

On the other hand, it was also covering possible noises of the others. If this attack was a coincidence, it was a pretty good one for the others. All the Soldiers were out for missions, and the base was just protected by a few ones. Bad for them that you were one of these soldiers. Since you joined the SSR, your uncle and Peggy teach you how to use many handguns and how your combat fight style got better. Long story short: you are as good as any other soldier in this base!

Together with Stark, you reached the elevator and the stairs for the upper floors. Just in time, because the siren shut down and the light went on again. Favorably for you, no attacker was in sight. "Stark," you whispered his name and looked up the stairs. "Yes?" "You take the elevator; I do the stairs. If you see traitors – shoot!" "But-" "Shoot! Go" you shoo him in the direction of the elevator and yourself took the stairs.

Slowly and with the greatest caution you had, you went up the stairs. All your senses tensioned like a bow, ready to shoot. Step by step, you got higher and higher, but you heard nothing; even when the elevator reached the next floor before you, you couldn't hear Stark shooting or saying Something. Maybe the traitors think the basis would be completely empty or Something like that. Stark was already waiting for you when you went on the next floor and looking in the opposite direction. "I can't see anybody!" "Me neither. And I can't hear anything" "Maybe they went for the main office? At least that would be the room I would be looking for if I would break into a military basis. That the place with the most information!" he suggested, and it made absolute sense. "Okay. I am going for the office, and you go and check if anybody is going for your laboratory" "What? We just came from there" "I know, but this would be the second spot I would check out—the Armory. If Hydra is behind that attack, they probably want their technology back" "Well…. Yeah, that makes sense. Be careful!" "Same to you, Stark. See you later" he just nodded his head and took the stairs down again. Since the base was low on Soldiers and battle-tested others, you had to cover the most critical spots. Even when it meant that you have to split up into one-man teams. That was not a good idea at all, because now you didn't have anybody left to cover your back. Anyway – you somehow had a mission to fulfill.

On your way to the main office, you didn't saw any traitors or similar. Slowly you got the feeling that this was just a practice round, and nobody knew about it. The alarm had to be activated manually by one of your colleagues in the monitoring room to warn everybody. Why on earth you had the feeling that your uncle was sitting in front of the camera to see how the base would be protected without the soldiers in it? Like, he wanted to make sure it's safe here when the howling commando wasn't around. It would make sense, in your mind, because that was a pretty strange coincidence that you got attacked while nobody was here. Just people from inside this building knew about the mission and when they got executed. Either way, there was no room for mistakes. You didn't want to look like an idiot in front of your uncle when it was training. And you didn't want to die when it was a real attack.

Soon you reached the main office and went to it, to check if somebody was there. As you went in, you saw that a person – entirely in black – was looking through the papers on the table. The documents laying out there were mission reports about former and future missions you had in mind, and this traitor over there was looking at them. Shit happens; this was a real attack. "Hands up!" you targeted your gun on the person, and it turned around fast, and the face was not covered. It was a younger man, stocky build, with two guns at his belt. He looked a little surprised but didn't seem too worried about you, as soon as he realized that you were just a woman. "Same to you-" behind yourself, you heard another male voice and the clicking sound of a gun, which got unlocked. See, that's the problem when you do stuff like this alone without someone covering your back. "Come 'on, pretty Lady. Drop the gun!" you had no choice but to raise your hands with the gun in your hand. The man in front of you started smiling in a dirty way. "She is indeed pretty" "Shut up," you growled at them. There was no way you could shoot the one without the other shooting at you. You needed a miracle, and you already know how to get one. Bucky was in the building, and he couldn't be that far away, so you needed to gain a little bit of time for him – or anybody else – to get here. "What are you looking for? Need a little help?" "Thanks, but we do not need a secretary" "I am not a secretary, Asshole" you press your jaws onto each other. Maybe you should have deleted that 'asshole,' but he deserved it. "She is a feisty one," the man behind you laughed. "Maybe we can keep her for further things" "She is pretty, but not so pretty. When I am done here, you can shoot her" the man In front of you was going through the papers with the peace in the world. You wanted to say something snappy, as you heard gunshots behind you, and you looked over your shoulder. The man who was pointing the gun at you went down, and Bucky came around the corner. Out of instinct, you targeted your gun at the man in front of you, but it was a little bit too late. The man in front of you pulled out his guns and was shooting at you, and Bucky and you two shoot back. You got him directly, and he got down too, but there was something extraordinary. You had this huge pain in your abdomen, and you felt how it got wetter and wetter around your belly. Unbelievable, that fucking idiot got you. A quick look down and you saw that your originally white blouse was dyed red. "Claw!" somehow, Bucky appeared in front of you. Your awareness was clearly affected. There was just so much pain in your body. It hurt so much like you would burn from the inside, and with every beat of your heart, the pain got worse and worse. It was like, you couldn't even see or hear anymore because your brain was so busy with the pain in your abdomen. You couldn't feel your legs anymore, as they would be numb or something like that, and your eyelids got heavier and heavier. It was so exhausting to stand, be awake or breathe – just ---- so exhausting. You could feel how your body just collapsed and was about to fell down. You could hear someone screaming, calling your name over and over again, but it was like, as he would speak with cotton in his mouth. Or as you hat cotton in your ears. You couldn't understand words anymore, neither did you hear anything. It went slowly down, as your body would just shut down, and you started to freeze. It was so cold around here and so dark and silent, but the good thing was, the pain began to fade away. It got better and better, as more unconscious it got and your heart didn't pump as much anymore. Just a little bit, as it would go on a pilot flame. Funny feeling to feel how the body slowly relaxed and got lighter. A….. really…. Funny….. feeling.

Meanwhile…

The noises in the hospital were torturing his mind like someone would strike him with a baseball bat over and over again. Why was it so loud here? All the people talking, children crying, nurses running, and doctors rattle with medicine bottles. All the movements in the corner of his eyes, making him aggressive and nervous. Every time a door was opened, he looked up, just to see it wasn't a nurse or doctor with an operation smock. Besides all the noises, he still could hear the gunshots in his head, as they would remind him that he failed this time. No, no, it wasn't too late for her! He brought her here, carrying her all the way down the street in this hospital. He put pressure on the wound all the time and making a tourniquet, and she was still breathing when she got here. The doctors immediately took care of her and brought her into the surgery room. He did everything right, everything he learned to do if someone got shot in a sensitive area and she was strong! So strong! She would fight for her life, right? She would. He gave her plenty of reasons to fight, so she will get better. She will! She had to! His legs seesaw up and down nervously, he tugged his hair, was rubbing his face, looking around all the time, breathing heavily, and looked like a mess. The sweat ran down his face and back; he must have looked like a homeless from the street. His shirt all dirty and covered with blood, as so his hands, and there was a little bit on his neck too. Carrying her to the hospital wasn't the best idea for his wounded shoulder, so he had great pain in that, but he was ignoring it. He told Stark to inform the Colonel and Peggy that he would be here at the hospital. So he waited. Waited, waited, and waited for hours. The next time when he heard a door and raised his head, he saw the Colonel, Peggy, and Steve (?) coming through the door. As soon as the little group spotted him, she stood up and salute, like the soldier he was, because of the Colonel. "Sir" "You look horrible; what happened, Sergeant?" "T-traitors entered the building and tried to steal important information. There was an exchange of fire and Claw – I mean Agent ---- she got to shoot" "Great, and why didn't you cover her? Hm?" "Colonel!" Peggy intervened before he could go after Bucky, who just stood still and listened to his harsh tone. "Oh, to hell with you! Where do I find someone you can give me information's about my niece!" he was rushing by Bucky and towards a little group of nurses. "Bucky" Steve took a step closer and put a hand on his shoulder. "I-I shot one of them and didn't saw the other…." His voice was shaky, and he blinked a few times to keep away the tears. "I-I …. ""Bucky," Steve grabbed his shoulder and pulled him closer into a brotherly hug. He knows how he must felt. When he lost his mother – Sarah – he felt devastated and lost. Everything went dark, and his inward was filled with grieve and darkness. It seems like there was no way out and that this kind of suffering would never end. Like an endless horrible nightmare. "I tried to…. I was so fast" "I know. I know" Steve shook his head. "Don't do this to yourself, Buck. She is not dead, not yet, right?" "No" Bucky freed himself from the hug and ran stressed through his hair. "When – When I got her here, she was breathing, and they said she still has a heartbeat. I told them I would wait here, but they didn't come out of the surgery room since then. If she were dead, they would have told me, right? Right?!" "Yes," Peggy nodded her head calmly. She didn't know if that was true, but Bucky was on the edge of a mental breakdown. Steve looked over the shoulder and looked thankful to Peggy. "We will stay here and wait. We wait until we got news about her condition" he padded his shoulder and offered Bucky to sit down again. Peggy and Steve sat next to him, one at each side. He was so nervous and tensed – Steve never saw him like this. "I-I-"Bucky started to say something and shook his head. He needed to talk about something; he couldn't stand the silence with all the noises around him hammer down on his head all the time. So he needed to distract his brain from going crazy. "We had a talk in the morning before she went down to Starks Bunker for her weapon ---- Rebecca will move from our parent's flat, so I ask her if she would like to move in instead. You should have seen her, looked at me shocked like a deer in headlights" he smiled tiredly. "Did I ask too soon?" he turned his head towards Peggy. "Well… depending on how far you are in your accord?" "I-I don't know, actually. I never knew what was going on inside her head. She was always very devious with her thoughts and behaviors. Did you know-" he smiled when he was thinking back. "That when I first kissed her, she slapped me in the face? Two times! And, bruised my nose and rips" "That's sound like Claw" Steve needed to smile too, he could image that lively, how she did that. She was fiery and sultry when she wanted it, even if she tried her best to be cold and distanced. When you knew her better and longer, you could see how her real- self come through. She was like a fire; you could easily get burned if you get her on the wrong foot, but – if you did it right – was full of warmth and beauty. "God, I really felt for her. Even when he tried to kill me multiple times" "Did she?" Peggy asked, and both guys needed to laugh a little bit. "She did. She throws every possible office equipment after me – hehe – she is really something special. Very special… rare! I got a rare gem," and fast, his glance went from happily reminiscing to an unfortunate reality. "No – don't even think about it," Steve could see, which ugly thought came across his mind and wanted to hinder him from overthinking about it. Bucky wanted to say something when the Colonel came back and stood in front of the tree. Altogether, they stood up and looked, waiting for news. He took a deep breath and started explaining. "She will get better soon. Nothing permanent or serious, just an enormous loss of blood, which will be recovered in a few days. She was Lucky" he took another deep breath and looked straight at Bucky and wanted to say something, but closed his mouth and thought about it again. "All tree if you look horrible, especially you, Barnes! Nevertheless, someone needs to stay here overnight if the intruders' allies will come back to finish it. I will go back to the base and check what they were trying to steal, and the Sergeant will stay here with my niece" then he just turned around and was about to leave the hospital and leave behind surprised people. "Well…" after a few moments, Peggy broke the silence and turned towards Bucky. "You should go then, and we both will see if we can help the Colonel. Steve? Let's got" "Alright," he nodded and looked smiling at Bucky. "See, everything turned out fine. She will be okay soon, so go to see her," and then, Steve and Peggy left the hospital too.

When you awoke, you were in the hospital. You could quickly tell, by the scent of antiseptics, the sad white and sterile walls, and not least of the noises the room makes. The monotonic beep of the mechanicals next to her and the Nurses calling for doctors and medicaments on the floor. You could not remember much, your memories were pretty blurry, but you knew that someone shoots at you and got you. You needed to blink a few times because the room was pretty light. You felt pressure and soft stroking movements at your hand and underarm, so you tried to move your head a little bit to see who it was. As soon as you saw the short brown hair, you knew it was Bucky.

"Hey," your voice was thin, flat, and scratchy, and as soon as Bucky heard it, he raised his head. Man – this guy looks tired and pale like a poltergeist. "I don't have a mirror ---- but ---- I think I look better than you" "Well-" he smiled exhausted, "I aged 10 years since I am in this hospital" "You did?" you tried to smile too, but you were tired yourself. "I am a shadow of myself – the doc's said that you will be good in a few days. You just lost a lot of blood, but no organ was badly harmed" "Blessing in disguise, I guess?" "Yes, something like that" Bucky took a deep, deep breath, and it looked as if the weight of the world would fall off his shoulders. Then – slowly – their last conversation came across her mind. Nearly dying made a lot of things easier and faster to decide. "Hey Buck," you squeezed his hand back. "Hm?" "After the War… help me to sell the house of my father, I guess I will not need it anymore" he knit his eyebrows and needed a few moments, until he realized what she was saying, a big bright smile on his lips. "I will," he needed. He would clasp her under different circumstances, but maybe this is not the right moment for doing so.

Your wound healed perfectly, and you were soon able to work a little bit out. Certainly, Bucky begs you not to overdo it, but you know where your limits were. You could do the paperwork and file on the capturing Plan for Zola. You got new information's regarding him and his whereabouts. Still, it was Tricky to get him there because he would be in the Austrian Alps. As far as you know, there was just one transportation device, which would pass through the alps and that was a train. If you don't know, jumping on a train at full speed was indeed a tricky thing but the best way you could do it. The time slot was tiny, so just a few people could do that and were actually able to do that. Sadly, Bucky and Steve were pretty at the top of this list because they have both extraordinary physical skills. To be honest? You didn't want Bucky to go there, you had a bad feeling about it, and you could always trust your feeling.

This mission was different because it was more dangerous than usual. You had a long and detailed meeting with the guys about it and how they should do it. It was really a matter of small details because if they miss just one thing, that could mean they will die. And after the meeting, nobody was in a good mood. Everybody was somehow severe and lost in their thoughts. The fact that nobody felt right about this one was a massive elephant in the room. Seriously, everybody thought it was a stupid idea. Even your uncle asked the guys if they want to let that opportunity pass. It was a mission, but no mission was it worth do die – at least when it comes down to your opinion. There would be another chance to capture Zola, so it was legitimate to let this one pass. But you know what? This Unit was filled with stupid apes! Of course, they wanted to do it. Just this one time – this ONE TIME – you wished Bucky would be less brave and just stay in the base, but of course, he couldn't let Steve go alone. Well, you wanted Steve to stay too! These were your Boys, your little family; you couldn't lose them! Accordingly to that, you and Bucky were pretty speechless during the night. You wanted to say something like you always do. Poke him, annoy him, tease him, or something else, but you didn't feel in the mood for it. Same for him. Usually, he would say something funny to raise your spirits, but even now, he couldn't say something, so you two just laid there in silence and stared into the darkroom.

It must have been a couple hours, but you finally find your voice, to say at least something. "Don't do anything stupid, okay?" your voice was soft, a little bit shaky, and he could he hear a few cracks in it. "Promised," but you could say that based on his voice, he couldn't. He just said it to calm you, but it didn't work.

"Sergeant Barnes, fall of the train! Bucky is… is gone!"

A few years later…

Over a year later, after the war was won, you found Peggy standing in front of Steve's grave. You didn't saw her for a few years, but you heard she works in a police station – or something like that. You, for yourself, didn't do much. You still worked in the Army with your uncle, but you went here every once in a while. To visit Bucky and Steve and today, Peggy, keep your company.

"Hey" – "H-Hey" Peggy whipped the tears away and shook her head a few times. She was standing in front of the grave of Steve Rogers, alias Captain America. It was a massive light stone with golden letters. Many people left flowers behind, stuffed animals, cards, and different things. They still do this when the anniversary of Steve's death was coming near. They knew the war was won because of what he and the Howling commando did, so they wanted to tribute the fallen Hero. Next to Steve's grave was Bucky's. The stone was a little bit smaller but as beautiful as Steve's was. You and Peggy agreed that these two idiots needed to be buried next to each other, even though you had no corpse to bury. "H-How are you?" she asked you, but you just shook your head. It's been a while since the war, but you still weren't right. "Devastated. Still but I am working on it. You?" "Working on it," she answered and took a deep breath. And then you two were just standing there and staring at these stones in silence. Bucky and Steve shared a special bond, and you can tell it was a strong one. And now? You and Peggy shared a similar bind, created by the pain of the same loss. "I hate my work" Peggy started to say something. "Full of man how didn't take me seriously, and I have to operate in the shadows. I don't mind the shadows, but I don't think I am doing something meaningful! I own Steve to try to protect the world he saved with his life! Or, don't I?" she asked you. Well, you couldn't answer that, not for her or for yourself. But the way she said it sounds like a plan. Like she already had something in mind to do something against that. "What you mean?" "I-I-" she stopped and took another deep breath before she explained her vision to you. She wanted to create an organization to protect the whole world. An institution filled with skilled people from anywhere possible, who come together to save humankind from any kind of danger. She said that Stark liked that idea and was already in, but she needed more people to make it work. Howard would take care of the equipment, but she required Agents and Spy. And she would prefer people she already worked with from war, so she meant you. "and how is that called? This Group? The Fanatic's?" you joked about, but Peggy just shook her head. She didn't have a name either, but it needed to be something catchy. "But would you join and help me?" "Yes," you didn't think long about it. What else should you do? And you liked Peggy and enjoyed working with her. "But we need a good name" "You don't say" she rolled with her eyes and seemed to think about it. "Maybe something like –"Peggy wanted to say something but broke up with her sentence. Apparently, she hadn't a good idea. She wanted something to remember Steve and honor him, but she didn't found a good acronym. You thought about it too, for a while until something catches your eye. Over Steve's name in the gravestone, there was a little symbol. To simplify it, it was his Shield he chooses as his weapon. Funny enough that he wanted to have a tool of protection as his weapon. It was his symbol, his signature to have this Shield with him, and that when it comes to your mind. "S.H.I.E.L.D – Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics" "A long name," she commented. "But it's fitting" "Well…. Yeah. Shield" "With a memorial wall in the main base" "Memorial wall?" "For all the fallen soldiers. To honor them," you said, and Peggy nodded as she looked down on the two Stones next to each other. "Agent Barnes and Agent Rogers will be the first names on it. Because I know they would have joined Shield" "They would," you nodded and smiled, while you softly remember Bucky's and Steve's smile.