#it’s text I just like using metaphors to convey that lol

[longhandsart]

Big bold letters in my WIP that just says

MORE TRANS SUBTEXT

[heaven-said]

{{ SO THE NEPHILIM

Are interesting to me. And I apologize if it's purely only interesting to me, I know its not the widely used pop cultural use of the mythical creature, but I do like the origin of it enough to want to make it part of gabriel's backstory if he's asked about it, but I'm not SO attached that I'll override other people's character. But I think its neat! Because I... was made to watch a documentary that discussed it briefly once in college lmao

BUT basically, so the nephilim ( which actually means 'giants', they were named "big monsters" basically ) are a story from around enoch times, and despite pop culture often just treating them like mix raced people with super powers-- originally they were killed not for being mixed but for being literal demi-god like monstrosities. They were only vaguely humanoid and mostly orc-ish, man eating giants. They kind of filled in as fairy tale monsters in scattered stories, basically dragons to be slain like how hercules slayed beasts. "Abominations" in both metaphorical law of god and physical form.

And you can see the hold over, from the roman gods, the deities begetting monsters thing, it just evolved into a more exaggerated moral metaphor.

And what's interesting to me is why. Because human beings made that story up and there MUST have been a cultural context for why they made this story. ( it has no real world application, its purely a rule for fictional angels, which is odd! ) It must be trying to convey something. And I think that in cultural context, it was meant as a sort of allegorical criticism of ancient roman gods who often were depicted laying with human beings, and it was easy to frame that as a negative or ugly trait and frame this as more morally pure. And so, being actively at odds with those old gods, this was a way of saying " for mortal flesh and divine blood to mix is an abomination" through visual metaphor, and our god totally would never allow that, so take that.

There's also a lot of focus on just the incompatibility of mortal flesh and spiritual existence as well-- which is a whole other metaphor in itself.

But that's fun to me! Because its a bit lost to time, and I love things lost to time, I love having to figure out long lost meanings behind art. And biblical figures are no different to me, having no religious connection to it.

But when transferring the concept to something like hazbin hotel or modern fictionalization, I think taking it very literally and just saying its the incompatibility of the flesh and the spiritual that is causing the corruption to happen " like trying to mix oil and water" is how I approach it by default.

But that would mean, maybe, that non-corporeal beings with mortal origins would not apply here as Nephilim? Maybe it has to be a then living being and an angel.

And there is absolutely no example of a demon and an angel, i think that wasn't even considered in old text maybe so-- in truth, who knows lmao--

But being a metaphor heavy story, its really up to interpretation and reimaging so lol }}

[judeiscariot]

I recently started listening to CSH and famous prophets (stars) is one of my favorites out of everything I’ve heard so far. I’ve seen you mention it on here a couple times and I’d love to hear more about your interpretation of it! Only if you feel like it of course lol but I’m not great at lyric analysis stuff and I’m super interested

hi yes i’d love to talk about it!!! i’ve been wanting to do a line by line of this song for forever so thanks for asking <3 (fair warning though this is gonna be really long)

this song is sort of the last 'event' on the twin fantasy timeline, even though it's more of a summary. it's the culmination of everything that this story has been building up to. it's a breakdown in every sense of the word. like many songs in twin fantasy and will's body of work at large, it has an insanely ambitious structure that's hard to even nail down. it's made up of around six parts but it's basically impossible to even separate into choruses/verses/bridge, etc, so i'm just gonna go section by section:

much like the first track on the album, this song starts off with a really simple, isolated bassline before will's voice comes in softly. the first thing the speaker does is apologize to the idealized future versions of himself and his partner who he had become attached to. he had all these wonderful visions of what their life together might look like, but he's finally realizing that none of that is ever gonna happen, and things are quickly coming to an end. the 'ripping of the tape' could refer to an audio tape, a reference to how the original version of this album was a lot rougher in terms of sound quality, and will has said before that he prefers the smoother, more professional sound of face to face as opposed to the lo-fi of mirror to mirror. the tape could also be what's metaphorically holding the relationship together, and it's finally failing. the speaker knows the relationship is falling apart, but the realization doesn't make it any less painful. in the final line, he shifts the blame to the subject, in a coy and resigned sort of way.

the bruises represent the speaker and his partner - painful, brought on through trauma, lesions that the speaker carries around physically on his body. 'kicking the back of the seat in' probably refers to the fact that most of the vocals for will's early projects, including twin fantasy (mtm) were recorded in the backseat of his car, hence the band name. the speaker has sort of embodied the role of 'emotional punching bag' throughout the story (you can text me when punching mattresses gets old), and the bruises, or the pain the speaker was caused through the relationship, were something he wore with pride as though they represented the burdens he was willing to shoulder for love of his partner. but the bruises are fading now, healing, steering the speaker towards the metaphorical 'healing journey' he will embark on after being set free from the expectations and needs of this person. the vocals up until this point are soft, almost spoken-word, but here we crash into a jarringly intense instrumental that totally shifts the tone.

this part is buried beneath the instrumentals, almost inaudible, but it's so important. i see this as the speaker encouraging his past self, who this album is sort of dedicated to, not to spend too much time lamenting over the end of the relationship, because everything is gonna turn out alright even though it feels like the end of the world. even still, the speaker knows his past self wouldn't listen to this advice if he could hear it.

an experience like the one conveyed through this album is very much confined to teenagers/adolescents. it's essential that the speaker and his partner are fumbling young people with underdeveloped brains. there are certain emotions and ways in which we see the world as teenagers that inevitably dampen when we become adults. even if the speaker and his partner, now grown, were to touch each other like they used to, they wouldn't be able to access the emotions that were conjured by their teenage brains. the speaker and his partner are no longer in contact, sure, but they've lost access to one another in more ways than one. the speaker likes to think that he remembers what it was like to be with his partner physically, but he gives just about the vaguest and most generic description of a human body that he possibly could, literally trailing off at the end like he can't name anything beyond a few body parts. he doesn't actually remember specifics about this person at all.

the speaker questions whether the deterioration of the relationship was his fault, if he could have done something different, been better, saved it somehow. at the same time, he's realizing that he couldn't have, and wondering if this whole thing, that he dedicated all this time and stress and agony and love and joy to, was a complete waste of time, simply because it was destined to fail. throughout this verse, the speaker is coming to terms with the end of the relationship while simultaneously resisting it. it's pretty clear that there have been a good few 'breakup scares' at this point, and the speaker isn't sure if this is the real, true, final end. is this how life is going to be from now on? waking life feels like a bad dream, and he's walking around wondering if this person is, or ever was, his, if they're truly gone. 'the great silence' is the enormous canyon that opens between two people who have just ended a relationship as intense and intimate as this. they go from indescribable closeness to functioning like complete strangers, and it would give anyone whiplash, but especially a teenager who had never felt truly loved or understood before this person. this relationship has been so unsteady that even once significant time has passed since the end, he still sometimes wakes up with the hope that he might roll over and see his former partner next to him.

will refers to himself as both 'nervous' and 'a wreck' multiple times in this album, and in several other places throughout his discography. it's kind of a recurring motif. this may also be a callback to 'the bell jar,' one of the first tracks will ever released, before he was even making music as car seat headrest. as far as 'naming names' goes, this is probably a reference to the fact that he did in fact call cate wurtz by name in famous prophets (minds) in the mtm version of the album. cate wurtz is a comic artist and the author of the lamezone series, and she may or may not be the subject of twin fantasy. i find theories about the real life person who might be the inspiration for this album largely irrelevant and uninteresting, nevermind unimportant to my personal interpretation of the album, so i'm not gonna linger on that aspect of it. the last line is probably a reference to this song's counterpart. famous prophets (minds) ends with a spoken word recitation of 1 kings 19:11 - 12. the actual final lines of the verse are as follows: "But the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." in the song, the final line is changed to "And after the fire, a sound of sheer silence." right before will says 'silence,' the music cuts out completely.

by this point in the song, it seems like the narrator has fully accepted that the relationship has come and gone whether he likes it or not. this person has faded into and subsequently out of his life, as people often do. there's nothing more to be said, it's all over, there's no getting around this.

now we slide into the seminal refrain of this song. even though in the previous verse, it seemed like he had fully accepted the end, now he's crying and screaming and begging to go back. the end of a relationship like this is obviously going to cause some extreme inner turmoil and it's not gonna be a smooth transition for the people involved. the vocals here are kind of agonizing - it gets more and more intense until he's more or less howling. even after the final repetition, he goes on yelling and crying under the instrumentals. what is the speaker even begging to go back to? when the relationship was new and full of promise? before the two of them ever met in the first place? if he could go back, would the speaker do things differently, or does he just want to live out the events of the relationship again exactly as they happened, so he can cling to the fleeting moments of joy and hope that were there, even though he knows how things are going to end? at the end of all this, he asks his former self again not to spend too much time on it, which is somewhat ironic. once he's done yelling, the instrumentals quiet down almost entirely to just the bassline that was present at the beginning, with the occasional guitar note.

the speaker didn't want his partner to develop too high an opinion of him. even though this whole album is literally about his ridiculously high opinion of this person, he's anxious at the idea of his partner thinking of him the same way. he doesn't want to disappoint him. the speaker also asks his partner not to joke about his own death - this is the only person he's ever felt truly loved or understood by, and the speaker desperately doesn't want to lose him.

the speaker urges his partner to keep it together. because he cares about him deeply, yes, but also because he's not sure if he'll be able to give his partner the support he'd need if he truly lost it. the 'art' he mentions is likely a reference to the art of cate wurtz, but like i mentioned above i'm not interested in diving too deep into that whole deal.

now we're back to the seminal refrain of twin fantasy itself. the whole 'beach' theme is a frequently recurring motif in will's work as far back as the numbered albums. the 'grave' is the place the speaker is trying to lay his feelings for this person to rest, and the ocean is...everything. life, the universe, any given day-to-day experience that might bring up feelings of this person again. no matter what the speaker does, this situation affected him so deeply that his feelings will keep resurfacing over and over again long after the relationship has reached its conclusion.

the refrain continues in the background as the instrumentals build in intensity and will starts to shout over himself. when an artist’s work begins to gain recognition, whichever piece it was that initially drew the attention of large crowds of people may become their 'holy grail,' so to speak. if a particular song gets a singer famous, or a particular painting gets a painter famous, they might lean on the themes and techniques they used when creating that particular piece in an attempt to create another piece which draws similar attention. this leads them to 'descend into cliché' and create work with less creative integrity. the grave symbolism continues, and now at the emotional climax of the album, the speaker says he might ‘fill it in,’ signifying that he has reached some sort of emotional resolution. he is hammering in the nail to ensure that the coffin remains shut tightly, so he can finally move on with his life and walk away from these emotions which have consumed him. 'i could give you what you deserve' may be a reference to the oft repeated line ‘art gets what it wants and art gets what it deserves,’ which pops up throughout will's work. the speaker comments on the fact that he could continue to make music about this relationship, that he could ‘watch the hammer swerve,’ as he attempts to metaphorically nail the coffin shut, i.e. watch himself fail in his attempts to move on from the emotions he has drowned so many times in.

the mirror symbolism is a direct reference to the original version of this album, with the 'mirror' symbolizing the relationship between the speaker and his partner. i've talked about the 'mirror to mirror' vs 'face to face' images before, but i'll summarize it again here: the first image is one of two mirrors facing each other, creating an endless tunnel of reflection between two people who can only see themselves in the other. the face to face image is one of two people regarding each other, recognizing the other while existing as separate bodies. the mirror breaking is the transition between mirror to mirror and face to face. the fantasy is shattered, and will is now at a very different place in his life than when the original version of this album was written. he's decidedly beyond his adolescence, and he no longer sees his partner as a mirror. he wouldn't trade anything for this absolutely necessary change in perspective. 'blackstar' is probably either a reference to the david bowie album of the same name, or the radiohead song of the same name. 'painstar' is explicitly a reference to cate wurtz's work. basically, it's a concept from the lamezine comics of a star/entity which only comes around once every thousand years or so. when you touch it, you feel unfathomable pain, but only for a split second. i see the concept used as a metaphor for the pain of the relationship - was it worth the agony the speaker is currently in for the joy he once had? the vocals here once again grow increasingly intense as the speaker begs...someone, for something.

as the vocals descend in intensity, will mutters this, which is probably a reference to the bit in high to death that includes an audio sample from the movie adaptation of ray bradbury's 'all summer in a day.' it's a science fiction story which takes place on a planet where the sun can only be seen once every nine years. the main character, a girl named margot, is originally from earth, and remembers what the sun looked and felt like. the other children don't believe her, and lock her in a closet before the day the sun is supposed to show itself. when the sun does appear, the other children forget about her, and she remains locked in the closet. the sample included in the song is her calling "william! let me out! william! william! let me out, william!" margot is a stand-in for the speaker's partner, who is begging will by name to release him from the fantasy will has him trapped in. now the roles are reversed and the speaker is begging his partner to let him inside the locked closet. despite all the speaker’s efforts, the two of them still somehow end up on opposite sides of the door. will wants his partner to let him in, so that they may at least be in the dark together. 

the instrumentals quiet down once again so that will is singing over a simple piano tune. this verse replaces the lyrics in the original version of famous prophets which called cate wurtz by name. in the original version, these lyrics were buried, whereas these are at the forefront, accompanied by almost no instrumentals. it's impossible for the listener to miss these. in the first ‘descend into cliché’ verse will mentioned that he could 'sing another song' as a sort of coping mechanism or way of dealing with the end of this relationship, so the 'music forsaking you' could refer to the speaker's coping mechanisms not being enough to comfort him in the aftermath of the relationship. rolling the stone over the grave is the same deal as will 'hammering in the nail' in an attempt to seal off his feelings about the relationship. this also evokes some biblical imagery, with how the entrance to the tomb of jesus was blocked with a huge stone. on the other hand, he could stare his feelings in the face, confront them head on and learn to cope. 'when the levee breaks' is probably a reference to the led zeppelin song 'if the levee breaks.' it seems like will is referencing several well-known musicians while thinking of his own 'prophecy' for his music career. this could be a reach, but the stone line might also be a reference to the rolling stones if we're going with this interpretation. the final line might refer to the fact that, even though these bands were and are incredible famous, the music industry is a cyclical entity and all famous bands will eventually fade out of the spotlight.

that 'what happened to you' might be a reference to leonard cohen's 'death of a ladies man.' will is a big leonard cohen fan and references to his work pop up fairly often. but other than that this verse fades into a soft instrumental where the fractured pieces of what will eventually be the spoken word outro start to fade in:

these are snippets from 1 corinthians 13, and reesa mallen is the actress who played margot in all summer in a day. this is a direct quote from the verse, but will shifts the order of the lines around to depart from the original meaning. the intended message of this verse is basically that love is the key to everything, and that one cannot access great and miraculous things in the absence of love. this arrangement of the lines sort of suggests the opposite - that love enters your life and wrecks you on its way out, that no matter what sort of effort you put out, when love goes it will leave you with nothing. i'll talk a little more about the use of this verse when we get to the end.

this is the true ultimate climax of the song, and of the story as a whole. it's a fractured, distorted sample of my boy, the first song on the album. i can't even describe how crazy this actually sounds you gotta just listen to it. i've talked about this before but my boy is a pretty hopeful and optimistic way to open this album, and throughout the story all that optimism and hope has pretty much been crushed. to me, this part is where the speaker has a breakthrough of sorts and truly, truly understands that it's over, even though his feelings for this person will keep resurfacing, the relationship is crumbling in his hands and soon there will be nothing left at all. the only line from my boy that's not present here is 'we won't be alone,' so do with that what you will. this section is just so insane, the instrumentals and the desperation and rawness of the vocals, there's one or two moments in here where will's voice blends completely with a guitar note, it's incredible. one of the things i love most about twin fantasy is how it manages to take this experience that would generally be regarded as frivolous, unimportant, childish, naive, etc, and successfully convey how deadly deadly serious it feels in the moment. like when we break it down to its bare essentials this album is about an online relationship between two teenagers in 2009. yet it somehow adequately conveys the absolute utter and complete long lasting devastation a relationship like this can feel in a hormone-addled teenage brain. the emotions of teenagers and adolescents are very often brushed off as overdramatic and kinda made fun of in media in general, but just because adolescent emotions are affected by teenage hormones or whatever doesn't make them any less real. in fact i think being a teenager often makes interpersonal relationship experiences similar to this all the more visceral and painful. this part of the song is where that really comes through for me and i find it so incredibly cathartic. the sheer grandiosity of the instrumentals ties it all together, and the horn arrangement in particular is amazing. will uses horns a fair amount in his work and it's always beautiful, but something about this instance specifically just shakes me to my core, man. it's like he's wailing in agony with all the choirs of heaven behind him.

now the instrumentals quiet down and an unfractured recitation of 1 corinthians 13 fades in. this verse perfectly sums up everything this story is about, and the whole idea behind remaking the album in the first place. the speaker and protagonist of the album is an adult now, and he's had years to process these events by this point. he no longer views them through that addled adolescent lens, but he remembers what it felt like to be shaken to his core by this situation. even still, he now sees the relationship for exactly what it is. he no longer sees others as a reflection of himself. he's able to regard the person who he underwent all this agony for as a separate, independent being and understand that his perception of them was false. no matter one's age, it's often borderline impossible to grasp the full significance of important life events as they're happening. only with time and reflection can we truly come to understand and process how events have affected us and how we are changed in their aftermath. the speaker in mtm is clouded by raw emotion, and therefore only capable of knowing 'in part.' the speaker in ftf is more mature, has garnered more life experience, and evidently spent many painful hours working through these events. therefore, he now 'knows fully,' and with the ability to know fully comes the ability to be fully known, to be truly loved and understood as he never could while operating under the delusions fueling this relationship. the instrumentals drop off entirely for the final line, which is a slight alteration from the actual bible quote. the original is as follows: 'And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.' this change allows for ambiguity as to which of the three remain within the speaker. the change could also refer to the two versions of the album which now exist, or it could refer to the speaker and the subject as people.

so that's famous prophets (stars). it's an absolutely incredible song and if you've never heard it you really really should. you can only really get the full affect if you listen to the whole album straight through, but i know not everybody feels like doing that lmao, same as many people don't feel like listening to a 17 minute song in the first place. but i think this song is best heard in your room, in the dark, at night, played over a speaker, while you're maybe just a little too high. can't recommend enough.

[willowser]

was wondering if u have any dabi / touya fic recs i want to tell u i really enjoy ur works “nice to meet u” makes my heart drop down to my stomach nd i can feel my heartbeat thrum throughout my whole body ..i love your writing i visit it every night thank yiu for everything ^_^

ah — you're so sweet !! 🥺 i'm so thankful that you enjoy it, i really appreciate you reading my things and for stopping by !!

i don't have too many but !! here are some, in no particular order !!

viewfinder by rotpeach on ao3

i've already gone off on this fic before, but i genuinely think about it all the time. all the time. i will never get over how the first line made me feel, how awestruck i was at the concept of the story, and then how moved i was at the end, with the reveal. this fic makes me so — hmm — i really felt present in the reader. like i felt like i was going through life and these different stages of a relationship with dabi, idk ! definitely recommend !

kingdom of ashes by shibaraki on tumblr

i just recently found this fic and was so — uh, what ! bc i have thought to myself, what would a royal au look like with dabi ? bc i love to write royal au's and have considered them with, like, just about everyone LOL but could not picture one for dabi ! and this fic was so true to his character, i think, which i really appreciate. there's such a — idk, his personality is written so well here and it really carries throughout the story and setting. i also love arranged marriage au's so akfhkahfau the pining the angst the payoff woof.

take care by missmeinyourbones on tumblr

this fic is actually so cute ! i am such a softie for, like, dabi taking care of us. bc so many fics have us taking care of him — which, no hate, bc it is such a perfect position to put him in — and it was so nice to see it flipped ! he's trying so hard 🥺 and it's so sweet to see him attempting 🥺 especially bc — how long has it been since someone has taken care of him like this ? how much of this is he just kind of wading through, unsure of where to go or how to help or what to do next ? ah — so sweet !

heaven for nonbelievers by hawnks on tumblr

this is another fic that i have droned on and on about and also a fic i have thought about over and over again LOL one thing that i really love about this fic is something that i think is so rarely conveyed correctly ? by me especially, but: despite dabi and everything that he is and everything that he stands for and everything that he's done — at the core of it all, who is there to take care of you when you can't take care of yourself ? (just now realizing this is another care fic LOL) it just makes me feel so, idk, conflicted. bc you can believe in the heroes or you can believe in the villains, but at the end of the day, this is the person that makes sure you're fed, you know what i mean ? see, even i can't convey what is being conveyed here LOL but it's so good !

higher than the mountain, deeper than the sea by phen0l on ao3

oooohhh my god, i do not know where to begin. first of all — you need to seriously consider the warning tags for this fic, and if it is not your cup of tea, then please move on.

i am feral over this. i am studying it as if it were a holy text — which is kind of funny to say, given the tags LOL but no seriously, i. how do i say this. if if he's a serial killer was my tiny garden that i had grown in my backyard, then this fic is the entire field in the valley that is producing the best crops in the state. does that make sense as a metaphor ? idk ! but what i'm trying to say is that — this fic is everything that i wish if he's a serial killer could have been, and i kind of hate to say that bc i hate to keep bringing myself up LOL but it's bc of mao and her talent that this fic has such a special place inside my heart. i just think it is such an incredible deep dive into dabi's character and how love would make sense in his mind, and i think his relationship with the reader is very important and — sad to say — so fitting, maybe ? bc of the way they grew up, and it's just so well written and the depth of meaning and emotion and metaphor and symbolism that is woven so gracefully into the bones of the story. like. insanity. talent on another level. this isn't even half of what i could say about this fic, but it will definitely be in my compiled '22 rec list, so prepare for the novel that i will write at that time LOL

[runthepockets]

Since I was a kid I always noticed when guys wrote breakup songs, they tended to go for really graphic metaphors. They tend to get really physical with it, whereas, even when women do use these same metaphors, they tend to be a lot more direct and articulate.

Like, 25 to Life by Eminem does it, Grenade by Bruno Mars does it, the entirety of Pig Destroyer's Prowler In The Yard is just a batshit chronicle of a guy spiraling for a week straight after his breakup and turning up to his ex's house missing a couple of fingers and toes, pre-loaded gun ready to commit murder/suicide. It's more common to hear a guy say "she took me for granted, ripped out my heart out and ran it straight through the planet" or "I'd catch a grenade for you, throw my head on a blade for you, take a bullet in the brain for you, but you won't do the same" than it is to hear, like, "you don't appreciate me and I hate you for it." Compare this to, say, Ex-Factor by Lauryn Hill, Over by Ashanti, or Out Here All Night by Damone.

It's always seemed pretty melodramatic to me, but knowing what I do now about the way men are taught the language of emotion and how common it is for men to forgo all their platonic relationships in the name of romantic ones, I've become a lot more sympathetic. I've also been more action oriented than word oriented myself-- better at conveying my feelings through writing and text than talking--, so I was a bit of a hypocrite anyway. Sometimes all I really can say is "she kicked me in the nuts with a steel toed boot and laughed when I cried". Lol.

[samsspambox]

Hi Sam!

Do you mind sharing how you write your fics? Do you have a process? A starting point?

Also, I know a lot of ppl talk "show not tell" in writing, but how do you know if you're telling instead of showing (& vice versa)? That's the part of writing I struggle with most, cause I never know if I'm showing or telling.

heyo roshie! i've answered a similar ask before but i don't mind sharing how i write/my process! in all honesty it isn't much of a process but more of a 'what concept can i daydream about while doing stuff that'll evolve into a solid idea' type of thing lolol.

i guess my first step is getting inspired? this can look like many different things, but to me it looks like talking to friends, consuming media outside of the fandom you're writing for, deriving from your own experiences, stuff like that. a really good example of this is the ficlet i have on here, time, which is based off of personal feelings but twisted enough so it fits the von hagen dynamic.

if i like the concept enough, i'll start developing it in my head or ping pong it with friends to build it. i guess this is my 'outlining' stage even though i don't actually get down and write an outline myself. you know how every story has a beginning, middle, and end? well, if i can get 2/3, i'll start writing. like for the current fic im writing! i have the beginning and middle, but i haven't planned for the end yet. (i have an extremely vague idea where i wanna go with it tho, so i'll count it as a win) ((actually, most of the times i rarely have fic endings planned and if i can be my own worst critic, you can clearly tell. my openings are usually pretty good but some of my endings, to me, fall flat)

from there? i just write. i do a lot of editing while i write and the one thing i swear by is using a tts (text to speech) reader parse though my fic and read it for me. (i need to go back and edit the first chapter of return to sender bc i posted it without bc i was anxious but also wanted to go to bed lol). it's why my writing has a lot of commas. i like the pauses in tts lolol. after that i just chuck it onto gramarlly and post when i feel like i'll start to nitpick at myself. it's a habit i have with a lot of my academic papers but this reminds me that what i write doesn't have to be perfect. my target audience is me (and my friends), this type of writing should be met with liberty and warmth. i don't have to follow a rubric or a guide. it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be.

as for your second question, i can tell you what i think seeing and telling is based off of what ive picked up reading other peoples stuff. i think 'showing' has a lot more metaphors, actions, and implications/inferences. let's say you wanted to convey that it was cold. you might not put that it was cold, but you could put that a character shivered and burrowed into their blanket. you're implying that it's cold with an action. showing, to me, looks more like cause and effect and blunt statements. here you state that it's cold, causing your character to shiver. or it's so cold that your character's breath is showing.

im in a weird third camp that is 'talking'. a lot of my fics are dialogue heavy but they do get a lot of points across, so there's that option LOLOL

but yeah! i hope this answers your questions! thanks for dropping by!!

[mrsabednadir]

Savior

Summary: A bullet brings you closer to Spencer than you ever thought possible.

Warnings: gun violence, hospitals, self-loathing (Spencer), very mild cursing (like one F bomb) -- please let me know if I missed anything! // angst, fluff, but a definite happy ending

Pairing: Spencer Reid x GN Reader (they/them pronouns)

WC: 1.7k

A/N: I am not a doctor at all, so I have no idea if these injuries or the reader’s recovery are consistent or even possible LOL anyways enjoy! woohoo for second fics :D

Pablo Neruda once wrote, “if nothing saves us from death, at least love should save us from life.”

And how true his words were. Because as I stared down the barrel of a pistol, I felt elated, not scared.

I reminisced on the displays of love that saved me from life: Penelope showing up at my apartment completely unannounced with two trays of cupcakes after I got chewed out by Strauss; Rossi inviting the team to make carbonara whenever a case hit particularly hard; Emily’s checkups, calls, and texts whenever she noticed a metaphorical cloud hanging over me; Hotch’s stoic but reassuring presence that conveyed compassion without words; and Spencer — Spencer’s existence was a paragon of humanity.

It was Spencer who always asked for my opinion on cases when I was a rookie overcome by uncertainty and shyness, Spencer who brought me coffee every day, just the way I liked it, Spencer who always offered to take a couple of my cases from the endless stack of reports so I wouldn’t have to stay late. (although, in his own words, he found bureaucratic paperwork “mediative”...)

I didn’t even hear the gun go off nor the agonizing screams of the people I cared most about as metal cracked thunderously against my skull. Love was all I knew before nothingness mercifully embraced me like an old friend.

---

“Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it, we go nowhere.” That was Carl Sagan, Cosmos, chapter 1, page 9. That was easy to know and to remember. It was something I wanted to remember. But it’s a pitfall of an eidetic memory, the dichotomy between what one knows and what one happens to know.

For instance, I happen to know the unimaginable terror, overwhelming grief, and suffocating guilt of watching someone you love cling to life. I happen to know the horrible darkness consuming you like a cancer from the inside out as you watch pure evil empty a cartridge into the person you swore to protect. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the image of him pointing the pistol to Y/N’s head, Y/N lurching forward, the 140-decibel boom of burning propellant, the blinding light of the muzzle flash, him crumpling to the ground as government bullets riddled his body…

Now, as I sat in the waiting room, my brain was swimming in thoughts. It was like Raskolnikov in Crime and Punishment: “scraps and shreds of thoughts were swarming in his brain, but he could not rest on one.” But was I guilty of murder? Did I get Y/N killed? Was I no good as a frenzied axeman?

And very suddenly, the harsh, unforgiving hospital lights seemed to morph into a single beam, focused on me. It was the light of an interrogation room, demanding answers. But I had none. I couldn’t give a good explanation as to why I agreed to split up with Y/N, why my geographic profile failed, why I failed...I kept my head down, but I could still almost feel seven pairs of eyes blaming me. They didn’t say anything, but they didn’t have to.

I might as well have fired the bullet into Y/N’s brain myself.

Just then, I heard someone calling me from far away, as I desperately tried to escape to a distant land where Y/N wasn’t lingering between life and death.

“Reid?” It was Morgan.

I looked up towards him. He nudged me to where a tired doctor stood, ready to address us. This was it, this was the moment I would either come to remember with bliss or sorrow.

“The bullet,” she explained, “just grazed the back of the head. It passed through the occipital lobe and made a clean exit on the other side.

“Moreover, the trauma sustained was severe: multiple broken ribs, a partially-collapsed lung, as well as innumerable bruises, cuts, and hairline fractures. There also appeared to be an onset of hemorrhagic hypovolem-”

I was growing more impatient--and scared--with each additional injury. Hotch felt the same way apparently, as he asked, “Doctor?” With one word, and a plea in his eyes for the truth, she understood.

“Yes.”

I felt like I could cry right then and there. I was crying. For the past few days, I was Atlas, but the world had finally been lifted off my shoulders. There was no solace as sweet as this. I was worlds away, to the land where Y/N would be okay, except this was no fantasy — it was real.

-- -

When I finally woke up, I was no longer strapped to a chair in a dilapidated, forgotten factory. My fingers felt the scratchy but reassuring presence of hospital linens, my eyes fought to adjust to the light, my ears registered the monotone beeping of the vital signs monitor.

I was alive. Love kept me alive.

“Oh my god!”

I grinned; I could recognize Penelope’s voice anywhere.

“You’re awake! You’re actually awake! How are you feeling?,” she exclaimed as she rushed over to hug me.

“It’s great to see you too,” I smiled, ignoring the slight discomfort in my sides.

“Reid’s gonna be so mad he missed this!”

“Where is he?” There was probably no one else I wanted to see more right now. There were so many things I had to tell him: “I’m okay,” “it’s not your fault,” “I love you”....

“He said he’d be getting jello from the cafeteria. Y/N, he’s been here every single day since you were admitted. You know what that means? I mean, I’m no profiler, but it sounds like the BAU has two new lovebirds!” she teased.

“Thank you, Penelope, for that wonderful analysis,” I laughed and jokingly rolled my eyes. “But maybe he was just a concerned citizen. He is a doctor, you know.”

“You and I both know that Dr. Spencer Reid has a particular fondness for-”

Speak of the devil. He just had to come back now.

“Who knows that I have a particular fondness for what?” he asked. His eyebrows endearingly furrowed in confusion, and I felt a new wave of affection crash down all over me.

But when he turned and saw me, I knew what it was like to truly love. It was like nothing I ever felt before, but it was everything I hoped it could be. It was the glimpse of sunshine aching to escape from clouds; it was the song of morning birds commemorating a new beginning; it was the snow melting to make way for the spring; it was the blossom of every flower on Earth all at once.

There was a tenderness in his expression that seemed to emerge from deep within his heart. It was in his softened eyes, his widened smile, his flushed cheeks. He had never looked more beautiful.

“You’re okay,” he whispered so quietly that I almost missed it.

“Of course I am — you saved me.”

Penelope cleared her throat. “I think I’ll leave you two to catch up,” she winked before shuffling out.

The room was almost completely silent, aside from Penelope’s departing heels and the ever-steady chatter of hospital machinery.

“Spencer?”

He looked up. I extended my hand to him, and he grasped it like a lifeline.

“I already know what you’re thinking,” I continued. “None of this is your fault.”

He moved as if about to object, but I waved him off.

“We both made the decision to split up back there. And as a matter of fact, you were the one to rescue me.”

“No, t-that was the whole team,” he stammered. “Y/N — God, I’m so unbelievably fucking sorry. A-and I should never have let you have gone off by yourself, I should have been more careful with the geo-profile, I should have-”

I shook my head. With every disparaging remark about himself, my heart threatened to fracture.

“Spencer, listen to me. Do you know how I got through that week? Of course I kept clinging on to hope that the team would never stop searching. But more than anything, I thought of you. You were my end goal, Spencer. I fought every day to see your smile again, to hear your laugh. Do you get what I’m saying?”

He met my eyes but said nothing. There was something completely unreadable in his face, like he was holding something back.

“Spencer,” I heard my voice shaking. How do you tell someone that whenever you look at the stars, you find comfort in knowing that you share the same night sky?

“Spencer, I-I love you. You don’t have to say it back, not now or ever. But you need to know that you saved my life so many times, in more ways than one. I’ve known for a long time that I’ve loved you. And now you do too.”

His hand was still on mine, and I wondered if he could feel the longing that emanated from me. For a moment, I worried that I had come on too strong too soon. But the smile that emerged on his face put all my worries to rest.

“I’m glad I didn’t have to say it first,” he laughed. “Y/N, I’ve loved you probably ever since you walked into the bullpen six years, eight months, twelve days ago. The only reason I say ‘probably’ is because…” he paused, as if searching for both the right thing to say and courage. “‘I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.’”

I couldn’t help but smile at the reference. “You know what? I don’t care if they’re the greatest love story of all time. I definitely love you more than Elizabeth loves Darcy.”

He laughed. “I could definitely say the same.”

And that was what I remembered before I drifted to sleep, warm and content, with Spencer’s hand in mine — proof of the love that saved me from life.

[sonnetnumber23]

Thank you dear @curiouslissa and @maniacalmole for sending me questions from writer’s ask! I found them very interesting and inpossible to answer, lol. It was real fun! Sorry the post is so long – I guess, I very much enjoy talking about doing things instead of, you know, actually doing them.

I’ll combine your asks, okay?

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

I don’t really have rituals now. I just want silence and my computer. Oh, and I suppose I can’t write after meals. You know as they say: “An artist must be hungry.” It’s hard to write when I’m hungry, but it’s absolutely impossible to write when I’m full. So you see that there’s very little opportunity and time for me to write, lol. Now you know why it’s always taking me so damn long to finish stuff.

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

I’m not sure I fully understand if “go feral” is positive or negative in this context. :’D

So I’ll just mention things that make me feel things, lol.

The English the word I absolutely dislike for some reason is affection. Ew! It sounds so formal – as if a person considers all feelings to be some sort of mental disease or weakness of soul. There’s something both in the formation of the word and in the sound of it. Why don’t they just say “love” or “fondness”? XD

The word I absolutely adore is vulnerable. Every time I see it in the text I go numb and cold inside for a moment and then feel a weird aching fondness spead all over me. :D It’s also amazing ‘caus it doesn’t fully translate into Russian (my first language) – we’d need like three different words to choose from, and none of them would convey the whole range of meaning.

In Russian I can’t really come up with a word that affects me on its own. I really hate the word сердце (‘heart’) when it’s used in literature to describe feelings. I have good imagination and I understand metaphors and stuff, but every time someone says something like ‘I love you with all my heart’, I immediately picture an organ, and all that anatomy doesn’t help me feel for the characters.

I love the word хотя (‘although’) – it sounds and feels like a small door opening into the wonderland of possibilities.

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

When someone reads it, of course! XD And quotes it back at you, and says in which moments they laughed or gasped. I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t say it. But if we mean the process, I really like the moments when a supporting character you hadn’t cared for too much before suddenly starts opening up, and you fall in love with them so much that they might even overshadow the main characters for a while.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

Oooh, there’re several questions in one! I fear this is going to be boring and pretentious. Sorry!

I think I started when I was like 5-6 y.o, and I was making up stories in my head which I can now describe as hurt/comfort original stories and fics. I have no idea why. Always was ashamed of those. I wish someone had told me back then that there was a whole genre for them and a lot of people who enjoyed the same stuff. Later, I started writing down stories mostly about characters I knew too well (as they were all based on me and people I knew) and things I knew nothing of – like spies and made up politics or magic and places from my dreams.

There was an episode when I was about 15 and was writing one of my rather childish fantasy novels. I met a person in my music club – he was about 40 then and loved asking people questions like: ‘What was your creative journey?’ And he asked me: ‘So, you write. What are you writing for?’

I thought a bit and said quite confidently, because it has always been the purpose for me: ‘I want to make some people happy. I want to bring some joy.’

Later it transformed a bit, and the main purpose of writing became: ‘I want to talk. I can’t talk directly, because I’m afraid of being misunderstood, but I want to, and I want someone to hear me.’

Oh yeah, there were bumps! :D I suppose the biggest bumps happened when I sent my works to a few of young writers’ contests. I mean, those are places where you’re lucky to even be selected as a participant. And they chose me, and I was delighted. And then, during the seminars where the writers and editors are dissecting your story or play you realize what a complete useless looser you are. And the worst thing is that you understand that they are right and it really is a shit story/play. XD The fun thing is that it never made me want to give up writing. Not in the slightest. If anything it made me want to work harder to show myself and everyone that I have something give. But it did make me feel less about myself. And it made me give up on going to the contests and conferences.

However, what saved me from that upsetting period was fanfiction. It made me return to my original purpose – writing for the sake of fun and for bringing joy to others. And it’s the thing that really matters, I think.

Now, as I’m trying to go back to the original thing I’ve been writing fot a while already, I’m trying to make it a talk that could probably make someone happy along the way. Or at least make someone feel things. I dunno.

 25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

Nothing’s irrelevant to the story, c’mon! :D

His door bell doesn’t work. His clients always inform him beforehand about their visits and his friends never come to his flat (for reasons). Therefore every time someone knocks unexpectedly, he’s stressed.

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

I start by playing the part. Like I’m in the theatre and I’m acting out this scene, playing the character. So I need to feel how they move, talk, and think. Then to make them plausible and relatable, I bring as much of myself into them as it seems natural for this or that character. Just some random thoughts or little details of habits. So at the end it’s impossible to say who’s in whose head.

I don’t so much regret as I sometimes envy those of them who – even though they’ve come out of me – managed to become better people than I am.

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

Shame. The simple thought of: ‘What’s the point of you if you can’t even do the only thing you love doing?’ XD

[grim-echoes]

Queen Bee—An In-Depth (Sorta) Analysis

Here's my short (lol) analysis of Queen Bee as promised, I touch on every aspect of her design and symbolism that comes to mind as well as the corrupted hive. The relevant text is under the cut for the sake of orderliness; I also go into heavy spoilers so I would not recommend reading if you’ve yet to finish the game.

I think the first and most important thing to point out about Queen Bee and the hive is how the use of bees as a whole ties into the conceit of the game—that being Jimmy's struggle with cancer—and clues you in about his situation very early on. Andrew makes a point about bees disappearing meaning that the ecosystem around them is collapsing, and this is a very clear metaphor for the early warning signs of cancer; the "ecosystem" in this context being Jimmy's own body and by extension, his dream. What's particularly clever about this is that this isn't the first time the Pulsating Mass is hinted at (it's right there in the doghouse at the beginning of the game where Jimmy thinks he's safest), but it is the moment where his remission becomes a horrifying possibility that nobody can ignore. It's a completely unexpected tonal shift that comes as a shock both to the player and to Jimmy's family, and I don't think it's a coincidence that the very next area you're taken to when you arrive home is how Jimmy envisions a hospital to be like—a big spaceship that abducts him, complete with a meeting not just with his late grandma, but with the Pulsating Mass itself in its first true physical body since it emerged at the hive.

Getting back on track, when you come back to the hive after defeating the goon squad at the Wilted Lands, the very first thing that stands out is not just that everyone has disappeared, but that there's a horrid streak of green ooze leading from the queen's throne farther into the hive, which is a very important recurring design element that I'll get into in just a moment. If you go to the right of the throne you can pick up the honey pot from a buddy bee that gives you some very interesting text when you interact with him; "The buddy bee's breath rattles from a hole in its throat."

There's a lot of hanging and asphyxiation imagery throughout the game—a lot a lot. It's not used for shock value; it conveys an aspect of Jimmy's suffering that's very particular to the type of cancer he has. Based on the information the game presents I believe it started in his throat/mouth before it eventually infiltrated his brain, thus why the buddy bee's interaction is such and why restricted breathing features so heavily in the game's symbolism.

Farther into the hive you'll meet yet more buddy bees, as well as drones and worker bees and static encounters with royal guards. Buddy bees and drones in particular have some very interesting attacks in their arsenal that tie into the overarching theme of the hive:

⦁ Buddy bees will occasionally cannibalize their friends, restoring their health and giving themselves the motivated status. Cancer cells work in the same way—they cannibalize the regular cells around them in order to spread.

⦁ Drones can hock up something gross, inflicting the sick status on one party member. Jimmy feels sick often as a result of his condition and as an unfortunate side effect of his treatment.

⦁ One royal guard will be asleep at the beginning of the battle, and another will be frazzled and periodically attack itself in confusion. Sleep as a status is one of the most important thematically because it's what Jimmy spends most of his time doing. He's constantly tired, constantly exhausted, and even when he's sleeping he's not getting any rest. It's also one of his biggest fears; when he truly falls asleep, he stops dreaming. When he stops dreaming, he lets his illness win. When he lets his illness win, his whole world collapses.

The incredible spritework also conveys what's happening as you explore the area. The hive is strewn with dead bees, some torn limb from limb, some packed tightly into throbbing cocoons awaiting to be rebirthed into...something, and some that are so heavily mutated beyond their form that they're barely recognizable. A few animated sprites showcase cocoons that twitch and pulsate eerily, and fleshy masses with too many eyes that each blink in turn. The majority of these sprites are covered with the same sickly green goo that you were met with upon re-entering the hive which is a good segue into the significance of green within the game.

Green is associated with radioactivity; cancer treatment generally involves chemotherapy or radiation therapy to eliminate cancer cells while preserving as many of the surrounding good cells as possible. It comes in numerous forms, but Jimmy ingests his home treatment in the form of pills (mentioned by a memory of Helga on your first trip to Central hub). Many areas and enemies have elements of green on them in the form of viscous goo and the majority of them are explicitly tied to the Pulsating Mass—the hive, Queen Bee, Mutt, Jonathon when encountered as a boss, space, and the corrupted Central Hub to name a few examples. Not all enemies that use green liquid as an element of their design are tied explicitly to the Pulsating Mass, but the majority of them are. There's also another recurring visual design that is used alongside the color green, and that is...funnily enough, fleshy masses. from here, we can finally discuss the Queen Bee herself.

When you first meet "her" deep inside the hive, "she" speaks to you from within a throbbing, sickly green cocoon. "She" talks about it being dark, lonely, cold, wet; "she" hurts. Her dialogue afterwards reads as follows:

"I've dreamed here, Jimmy. There's not much else to do. In my dreams, there's a big yellow field of sunflowers. There were golden lakes of honey.

You were there, too, Jimmy. You're always there, Jimmy, in every dream, in every stray thought, like a fog of pesticides, burning up everything.

I hate you, Jimmy. I hate every drop of rotten blood inside your carcass. I hate every mark and mole creeping up your back.

I hate how you pretend to be a hero when you're really just weak, weak, weak. I used to be weak, too, so weak I had to rely on you. How pathetic.

Things have changed, now, Jimmy. I'm wearing new skin now, Jimmy. The metamorphosis is almost complete. Would you like to see, Jimmy?"

What's especially interesting about what the "Queen" has to say is that it can be interpreted as the Pulsating Mass speaking to Jimmy himself and ruminating on the treatment that had supposedly killed it the first time. It was weaker back then. Smaller. Conspicuous. This time, however, is different. It's back, stronger than ever, and in a new form. There's also some curious lines in there that allude to Jimmy himself, almost twisting what he's feeling into a different perspective, most notably "I've dreamed here, Jimmy. There's not much else to do," and "You're always there, Jimmy, in every dream, in every stray thought, like a fog of pesticides, burning up everything." Is dreaming not the exact thing Jimmy is doing right now? What else does he have to do while he lays in a cold, itchy hospital bed, waiting for something good to happen? Is his cancer not constantly there with him whenever he closes his eyes, taking away every bit of safety he has, destroying everything he loves?

After the above dialogue concludes the first incarnation of the Pulsating Mass will emerge from the cocoon as a pink, skinless humanoid creature, the body of its host tattered and mangled and horrifically mutated underneath it. It's devoured the Queen's body and used it to become stronger, so strong it no longer has a use for its host—and its host, in turn, has grown too weak to sustain itself any longer. The Queen Bee is, in essence, the manifestation of Jimmy's cancer returning. There's also an extra bit of horror to her design and the room she's encountered in on a second playthrough: as green is representative of radiation and Jimmy's chemotherapy, there's the strong implication that, despite the Queen Bee being surrounded by it, it's not working anymore. Despite everything, Jimmy's cancer has returned and is stronger than anyone could ever have guessed.

The mechanics of the fight carry this symbolism: Queen Bee will periodically summon invincible pupae that eventually hatch into corrupted hive workers. They will grow stronger with each summoning cycle—first spawning drones, then buddy bees, then workers, and then royal guards. Essentially, the longer you leave the Queen Bee alive, the harder the fight gets. The longer it takes you to recognize the early signs of cancer and act on it, the harder it is to treat it, if it is treatable at all when you catch it.

After the fight concludes, "she" will have the following to say:

"Jimmy...Jimmy, where did you go? I can't see well, Jimmy. I can't hear well, Jimmy. I can taste blood, Jimmy.

It's dark and I'm alone. It's dark and I'm alone. It's dark and I'm alone. It's dark and...I'm...alone..."

The tone here is consistent with "her" previous dialogue, but what's being conveyed feels as though this is another twisting of Jimmy's perspective through the words of the Mass. "It's dark and I'm alone" in particular conjures images in your head of a certain scene that can be triggered in the Central Hub pre-corruption of Jimmy opening his eyes for the first time for only a moment to see nothing around him but darkness. The one time he gathers the strength to rouse himself from his slumber, and there's nobody there for him. This is, of course, one of many ways this dialogue can be interpreted—there's also the idea that this is the Queen Bee herself attempting to talk to you, and there's also the possibility that the Mass is simply concluding its earlier ruminations.

To cap everything off, there's a distinct parallel between the dynamics of a bee colony and a family unit as presented here. When the Queen succumbs to the Mass the entire colony falls into disarray. The only thing that comforts her is the screams of her children. She can't see, she can't hear, and it's dark. There's no one there to help her. The other bees in the colony cannibalize eachother, completely lost in their purpose now that the most significant figure in their lives is no more. The Pulsating Mass affects them just as much as it affects their Queen.

It all hits a little too close to home.

[nightswithkookmin]

JIKOOK: DEAR ARMY WE ARE IN LOVE

DISCLAIMER: I wouldn't take this particular post seriously. I mean it's something, but nothing at the same time. I just do these kinds of 'analysis' for fun and for my own personal amusement.

Do you see it? Or do you need me to connect the dots for you? Thought you'd never ask! Lol

I have always been fascinated by BTS's incorporation of fine art, poetry, metaphors, imageries, philosophical and psychological theories etc into their craft.

They are brilliant at expressing themselves and conveying their emotions through art and music. I have always found that challenging and mentally stimulating.

Take for example this whole Dear Army moments they shared with us on Weverse this week. Yes, it's a marketing strategy, the objective of which is to build an intimate connection with Army but most importantly hear feedback from Army on the struggles we are each facing in light of Covid 19 and also to provide feedback on why we love and stan BTS through their recommended hashtags.

Suga had already explained they were going to do this in that March YouTube live and so it's no brainer. The fun part for me, which of course is subjective, is the embedded meaning behind this whole Dear Army concept.

The progression from day to night, the use of contrast etc is all very reminiscent of the message of Bulletproof eternal- we are not seven with you. Especially with Suga and Hobi's postcard being taken directly from the BTS bonfire moment in Bonvoyage which made a cameo in Bulletproof eternal and the allusion to winter in both artworks.

The overall message of Dear Army is very simple: we had nothing but dreams, open our eyes to a foggy morning, so much pain too much crying; after seven winters and spring- we are all in this together, BTS and Army forever.

I also found the exploration of the cycle of life, the ambiguity of morning and night that blurs the line between evening and daybreak quite interesting. Its always been a recurring theme in their songs and arts. It's just them reassuring and connecting with us through their ingenuity as usual.

But of course this is just my opinion and my interpretation of their use of symbolism and allusions. And as much as I enjoy deconstructing BTS's musical genius, I'm just going to focus on Jikook's message- well not message, message but their artistic expressions in Dear Army.

JIKOOK'S MESSAGE

Now I already talked about the body text of Jimin's post and so I'm not going over that again. Jk's text is equally very much straightforward and is just a restatement of the message he shared in his recent YouTube live about rediscovering his purpose in life. So I won't focus on that either.

It's the artwork they chose that I am interested in and fascinated by. I was trying to ascertain whether the art work for the postcards where chosen randomly by staff or whether it was something the members themselves chose as at first glance it looked pretty generic- I wasn't able to confirm so...

Now from what Suga said about incorporating letters into their upcoming album, I'm just going to assume BTS themselves chose these images and the creative directors added their finishing touches to it- based on the tone and mood BTS had described.

Let's start with Jimin's. I clocked immediately I saw his postcard where the concept of that artwork or background image was from. I'll circle back to this hold on.

I value and pay alot of attention to the unique ways that each member of BTS expresses themselves. Those unadulterated, authentic expressions of self provides a better sense of who they are as Individuals rather than the perfectly curated, highly edited and performative versions of themselves we see screens. In my opinion.

Take Tae and JK for example. These two men are the kinds who'd write a song about their feelings and emotions when they are hurt. Lol. They deep for no reason. Bless them.

Jimin talks a lot. He is a verbal communicator. But hardly does he reveal any relevant details about himself that gives insight into his psyche and persona through his words. Again, in my opinion.

I keep saying his persona is very elusive to me. He tends to give us so much he ends up not giving us anything at all. Unlike Tae or even JK who write songs, recommend songs, or even GCF(JK) that gives us insight into their personal feelings, Jimin doesn't do covers as much and the songs he recommendes aren't as insightful into his deepest thoughts and feelings. He is very elusive that way.

That doesn't mean he doesn't express himself. He does, just not through his music like the others. In my opinion. Mostly he expresses his wants, his desires through his music but his sensuality through his dance.

It seems also that he explores his identity and expresses the exploration of that identity through the body arts he inks himself with temporarily or permanently.

Jk I find is the opposite. He doesn't explore his identity through his body art. Nor his sensuality through dance. Rather he expresses his values and the things he cherishes through his body art; his thoughts and feelings through his music and art.

And so while Jimin would be inking temptress, seductress, bigender on his body, JK would be inking- rather cool than dead and other symbols that represents his beliefs and values on his body.

I'm going off on a tangent, am I not? Sigh

Back to the post card. When I saw JM's postcard, it immediately reminded me of JK's GCF in Helsinki. [Couldn't attach image due to Tumblr but check it yourself]

It reminded me of JK's Frozen sunset theme, his use of warm and cold contrasting colors throughout that GCF and also the ending parts of GCF Helsinki where the sun is setting over the clouds just as in this post card- Frozen Sunset.

Jk also made an allusion to that frozen sunset in his song Still with you. I am particular about his use of the words Sky, clouds, sunset etc when they appear in his music, paintings or tattoos because he once said it's something he loves taking pictures of- that and of course Jimin.

I pay much attention to the things he says he loves and so I look for them in his self expressions to try and understand why he loves it and what it means to him.

Honestly, I didn't think much of JM's postcard art when I saw that use of the frozen sunset for his postcard. I thought, well staff could have picked it out randomly so I was waiting to see JK's postcard and the overall concept for Dear Army to see if this was something JM had done intentionally.

Part of me also felt those themes they presented in the post card art work were metaphors for the kind of songs they would be creating in the new Album just as Suga had said.

But JK's postcard art made me suspicious of JM's post card. JK's postcard art is the odd one out of all the artworks for the postcards. Sope had a similar complimentary art taken from the bonfire moment of Bulletproof Eternal as I mentioned earlier. The rest all had elements pertaining to nature- sky, parks etc except JK's.

Also the theme and symbolism of Jk's art convinces me he chose his artwork himself for that post- I mean I could be wrong but...

Remember when I talked about GCF Helsinki, Still with you and Never Not etc and I said they all had a similar theme- something about roads and paths, being mismatched, not being on the same page, not having the same goals etc?

GCF Helsinki- I'll take the desert, you take the coast to each his own.( moving in different paths)

Still with you: Though our steps may not go along together, I still want to walk this path with you.(again, mismatched paths repeated)

I was intrigued by that recurring theme of roads and paths leading in different directions in JK's music and art in this timeline especially as it contrasts heavily with the themes of his past timelines.

And I even speculated that I felt it was in reference to him and JM not meeting minds on the direction they wanted to take their relationship.

I have been waiting eagerly for him to release yet another cover or art since still with to see what that whole mismatched, separate roads thingy was all about but he didn't do his birthday cover this year- among other things.

It's thus funny to be that in this post card thingy he chose train tracks- intersecting train tracks to represent his feelings and coupled with the message of him rediscovering his passion- It doesn't feel like a coincidence to me or something staff would chose for him.

It certainly doesn't help my delusional brain cells, that JM flashed that Mickey Mouse during his VLive which again I felt was an allusion to their GCF in Tokyo.

First he is making allusions to GCF Tokyo, now GCF Helsinki, signing his name to JK's posts at Pop-ups...

Remember when I said that if JM was the one who had stopped JK from posting on his birthday, that he would come swinging hard on his Jikook agenda? Remember that?

If JK posting on his birthday was important to JM, chilee nothing would have stopped JM from logging into Twitter, posting and signing JK's damn name to his post- if saving face is what was important to him. It's not like he's not done that before. He could have done that and we wouldn't even know it wasn't from JK. Lol

He really is the one that stopped JK from posting on his birthday for whatever reason- wink. You know. Lol

Park Jimin is not the 'victim' in this birthday drama. He is guilty party your honor. Guilty per the books. Lol

Stay supporting Jikook, your life will be easier that way. Bless you.

Signed,

GOLDY

[inklingofadream]

on tone indicators, (idk for sure if im nd but a lot of my immediate family are so do with that what you will), i mostly use /j, /s and /lh. I agree that /nm for 'not mad' and /nbh for 'nobody here' are too vague, and in those cases its probably better to just say the short phrase theyre already pretty obviously replacing. /j and /s come up often enough that it might actually help to have the shorter indicator instead of the full "im joking" or "thats sarcasm", and read less clunky to boot. But i also really like using /lh, 'cause honestly, conveying a light, casual tone online IS, to me, really complicated. I used to use emojis for it as much as possible, but emojis also get used sarcastically, and have semantic meanings (IE, crying laughing emoji being used as actually crying, or the smiling faintly emoji actually meaning hidden rage), or are too 'happy' for the casual tone im going for. And to try and incorporate this lightheartedness in text, at every post and sentence that want to say light heartedly, to attempt to convey that casualness id usually add by gesturing exageratedly or using a different tone of voice, in a way that is unlikely to be misunderstood, is just a lot more work (not to mention, still reliant on cultural meanings to the reader) than just putting a small /lh and being able to assume that people can know im being hyperbolic, or argueing in a friendly way, or whatever else (and if they dont know, they can just ask me what /lh means, instead of assuming that whatever i posted is meant literally/seriously/angrily). on the other hand, as you can see, this is very much written as someone who uses tone indicators because they relieve my anxiety over being potentially misunderstood, as opposed to needing them very much to parse online meanings myself, so there are probably things im missing from that angle.

That’s an interesting argument for /lh- emojis definitely have their issues as well (ie most of the sexual ones i alluded to are p metaphor/innuendo based, I just think they’ve reached a level of saturation that makes them easy to look up). I agree that putting the full statements instead of /j or /s would be obnoxious real quick-for writer and reader lol

[onf-headcanons]

ONF MEMBERS AS YOUR SIBLING (U & Laun version)

Either you are related from Yuto or Minseok side and either one of them later joined the family. Confusing? OK example you are Yuto's sibling by blood and then later Minseok joined. Or in reversed, Yuto joined later.

Or You are the youngest sibling (could be in terms age when the family comes together or you being born later)

Or, You are the eldest.

Any scenario that is suitable to your own imagination. Also there will be some repeated ideas fron first universe because i would like to keep characterization consistency.

Btw this pair of sibling would be one of the less noisy siblings of all.

My recommendation, your birthday is in older than both of them. But you can totally imagine that your are younger ones. I will try to elaborate both, I hope i won't confuse you guys🙈

Also i recommend, if you are going to imagine yourself as eldest, you are 2 to 3 years older. While if you are the youngest, you would be 5 to 7 years younger.

Scenario 1

If you are related with Yuto and Minseok is the new join

You Defo speaking Japanese comfortably

Your parent moved the family to Korea (or minseok family moved to Japan is doable too).You and Yuto attending school at Korea so you two speak somewhat decent Korean.

And your parent met with Minseok parent then they decided to tie the knot.

Your parents decided to have a dinner before wedding so that you kids can know each other before hand

Btw it would be a lie if you did not once considered Minseok is cute (non romantic way)

Maybe Minseok is not studying in the same school as yours/Yuto's. But it is doable too if he is. Even being classmate with Yuto

(It will a callback to onf meme if your side of family is maternal side so your parent took in Minseok family name. And then Mizuguchi Yuto also known as Kim Yuto lol)

Minseok already excited to have Yuto (a Japanese) as sibling, even more excited to have you too. Especially if you are the elder sister/sibling

Minseok explaining to Yuto about meme or idioms or weird metaphors seen in TV

You found out Minseok sneakily munching ice cream in the fridge in early morning to wake himself up (which is a weird way in your common sense) and then understood he cannot handle coffee. If you are an employed sibling, you might offer to drive him to school/University and let him sleep in your car while you are driving. (this is if both Yuto and Minseok attended different schools/University)

Minseok has many questions, asking about both of your experience in korea, asking about Japanese cultures, and even asking you both for help on Japanese

Minseok taking Japanese classes online and dedicated to one day properly converse in Japanese with you and Yuto

Learning some Osaka dialect from Yuto and you. And maybe both of you talks in the dialect so much that it affects Minseok's beginner Japanese. Cues in Minseok once flustered when his online instructor asked why his intonation sounds mixed with osaka accent.

Of course you both will chill him a bit mentioning is fine because you both are OK with korean too. But Minseok looks up to the effort of both of you learning a foreign language, hence he continues with learning Japanese until he is somewhat fluent.

As Yuto's sibling, you know your brother is the quiet side when he is trying to adjust. Bonus if you are a sister and you hope the boys could bond, you might help out by leaking some information of Yuto's preference to Minseok. Example like Xmas gift or birthday gift

Once they opened up, your job is done 👌. Maybe you move out and then once in a while return home and seeing them two playing games together or even inmersed in dance cover/tutorial videos

If have the same characteristic of laughter as Yuto, Minseok's usual ☺😊 is very unusual to you

Maybe you might ask "Minseok ah how can stay calm and smiling like usual when we are already dying of laughter?"

Minseok just scratches his head and replies you with his innocent eyes, "I was laughing and nearly losing my breath though?"

Them two defo bond with dancing and songs they like. But mostly dancing. Could be something one of your parents brought it up during the dinner and both Minseok and Yuto's eyes glimmers for a short while as if they found comrade lol

By the way of you happened to be the younger sibling of Yuto in this scenario, Minseok being a new elder brother is just the best thing of all. He will share food or stuff with you the most. I do feel he will do that more if you are a sister. Not sure because he is the new joined, he is trying hard very much to be attentive to everyone. Or, he just does not want you to feel left out as now there is 2 boys in house and you did not have a sister to bond with

When you have problems, both Yuto and Minseok will listen to you attentively. Depends on what problem was it you will go to different person to consult with. Yuto is your sibling and he knew you long and well enough, so if you want a more unbiased view you would go to Minseok.

Yes Minseok smiles alot but when he is concentrating into something important (also means listening to your concerns), his expression goes into a serious mode and you never knew he had that.

Also it will be a nice contrast if you are the fearless one and the boys are the scaredy cat. I will elaborate at Scenario 2

Scenario 2

If you are related with Minseok and Yuto is the new joined (by the way if not sibling, Yuto honestly as exchange student is also definitely doable for this one. I wont be separately writing about this soon I will mesh this into sibling au.)

Even thought alot similar with scenario 1, I will try to add more variety

Both are excited to meet Yuto

prior to your parents wedding, they decided to have a dinner hope you kids can know each other before hand

You and your brother noticed the new soon to be sibling is quite quiet in personality.

He smiles alot

One of the parent brought up dancing and mentioned it, you definitely saw them two looking very much brighten up and cannot wait to talk to each other to find out more.

You 3 exchanged numbers but mostly is just Yuto and Minseok texting each other more. And you are happy that your brother get to know someone with similar preferences

Maybe in this scenario its only Minseok who is dedicated to learn Japanese.

Probably you 3 bond by playing games, Mario kart maybe? And that is the first time Yuto showed himself. Loud laughs, loud wails when your car accidentally bumped on his.

Only then he starts getting more comfortable with his new siblings

Yuto's laugh is contagious.

Sometimes in charge for dinner and he cooks japanese style

Also you might see Yuto tapping on Minseok with music on just to teach him about the beat in the music when they are discussing on choreography. And your brother just sits there receiving all the tappings (this happens in other scenarios too but its more significant here)

Learning some Osaka dialect from Yuto. And maybe Yuto talks in the dialect so much that it affects Minseok's beginner Japanese. Cues in Minseok once flustered when his online instructor asked why his intonation sounds mixed with osaka accent.

Nope, its a bad idea to bring them to haunted house. Not even roller coaster. Maybe there is once your parents brought you 3 to Japan for vacation and you all stop by at Fuiikyu Highland (a theme park in japan) that day and both of your brothers regret their life choices for placing Fujikyu first and Universal studio for the next day.

One of them maybe "WHY CAN'T WE JUST GO TO UNIVERSAL STUDIO AT OSAKA INSTEAD?!!!!!"

Another one nearly crying " WHY CAN'T WE SKIP TODAY AND FAST FORWARD TO TOMORROW INSTEAD?!!!!"

Scenario 3

If you are the child that born later from your parents marriage

This timeline, Minseok and Yuto has gotten more comfortable with each other mother tongue but still learning

They are best buds right now

They value you a lot. Leo is very attentive and showering you with straightforward love and Pisces is a bit of tsundere but a lot of small gestures showing his affection towards younger sibling

I think both brothers will cradle you when you are still a baby. Of course involving some panicking when they first time trying to hold you. Minseok loves to gently rub his cheek on yours, he cannot help it lol(yes like how SoonYoung/Hoshi from Svt). And Yuto always love to caress your head

Overall they are very protective. In a bit different ways. Minseok would be the attentive protective type, while Yuto be like "Run along my young one, but remember big brother is here."

I dunno why but I do see you converse with Yuto in Japanese and Minseok in korean

Sometimes being the middle person to teach/help them with the unfamiliar language. You grow with 2 languages that is why in comparison, you might be the most fluent person handling and juggling 2 languages in the household

Scene like Minseok trying to express himself in japanese with Yuto and he kinda stuck with the word and your second brother turn to you asking you whats that is korean and you just nonchalantly tell Yuto what Minseok has been trying to convey

Purposely integrate this here. You 3 are very interested in dancing. Guess its in the blood if you sort out the equation. I also think that you used to watch them dancing very much and it got into your trait/character

Maybe your memory is not the precise type so they coach you alot regarding to sequence. No worries when it comes to the strength and timing when comes to dance moves, you are their sibling after all.

Uploads dance covers of you 3 to YouTube

Either you are not the scaredy among the sibling or maybe you are also the scaredy cat lol

If you are not scaredy cat, they might look at you with amaze when you dared to watch horror movie, ALONE.

I dun think you would be the evil prankster sibling in the household. You might lean on the omg why can't they understand the beauty of horror

People definitely are going to "cannot believe their ears" when they hear you 3 conversing in both Korean and Japanese, switching the language back and forth

A/N: is was longer than i expected? I got info from kprofiles that they are both isfj. Which makes actually them are the quiet ones compare to other hyungs. Hope its not too boring for your preference. Anyways see you soon!

[tonyglowheart]

so since I can’t stop obsessing over 无羁 (Wuji) I decided to pop open Microsoft Word and through the power of a random youtube commenter who transcribed it, a working knowledge of heritage Mandarin, and many translation sites, I can now absolutely lose my mind even more over the significance of the lyrics and who sings them.

more under the cut, a lot of it is unorganized emotion-fueled yelling

tumblr is kind of rough for long-form stuff, but I guess I’m just going to braindump:

Note: btw do I finally wised up to the fact that the uhh actual lyrics appear in some Tencent videos (and actually a lot of the verses show up with lyrics in the end themes) and also realized that the transcription I got - which was from a Youtube comment - was... wrong in places. And I ALSO realized “Yunshen” was probably referring to Cloud Recesses lol. And so yeah, I’ve edited it to update it.

first off: LAN ZHAN SINGING ABOUT HOW THE RIGHTS AND WRONGS ARE IN THE PAST, HOW CAN WE PRETEND IT’S A DREAM UPON WAKING? Like this is so sad and filled with like...honestly, righteous bitterness towards the world? but also so practical? This is of particular note because Wei Ying’s corresponding line in the second part/repeat. Just you wait

Wei Ying having the line about how can the [praises, blames, gains & losses] of the mortal world be measured is :( bc like. yeah... it’s so in character it makes me sad as heck. Because like. he’s done So Much for the world, and the world continues to denigrate and belittle and revile him, and it hurts him but ultimately he takes it with like.. a sad resignation. D8 babey,,,

*poetic stuff, poetic stuff, blah blah* (although I will add that the added layer of poetic imagery is the “feng liang” means something like cuttingly cold. “feng” refers to the sharp/cutting edge of a knife/sword, and then “liang” is cold. So it’s the imagery of someone getting cut or stabbed by a cold sword and their hot blood rustling down it (the first part is onomatopoeia)

okay the ZITHER LINE. I guess “wen” could be anything, BUT we know there’s a guqin spell Inquiry, so I’m! going to interpret it as more along that lines! I think the Tencent translation actually has it as “also” but it could be “again” I think? Implying that even when they’re far away from each other and Wei Ying is playing his flute all alone and melancholy, there’s an answering zither sound inquiring on him? (i’m going to take it as his well-being :’) )

Edit: so it turns out the “wen” was incorrectly transcribed in the first version of the lyrics I saw; it’s actually the same “wen” as the flute line, so more of it can also be heard, like the Tencent translation. ...but I Want to Believe....

edit: ALSO HOLD ON A MINUTE. I DIDN’T NOTICE, BUT I SAW A SCREENSHOT THAT SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HIM PLAYING INQUIRY LOOKING FOR WEI YING ONLY TO BE MET BY HOLLOW SILENCE? IS THAT FROM THE NOVEL? IS THAT MISTRANSLATED? OR DID I JUST NOT NOTICE. Guess I’ll have to find out

the last line/duet line: I can...kind of see where the “unrequited love” comes from? This is one of those lines where I wonder if it’s classical Chinese and therefore has layers of meaning that don’t convey through translation engines. I might need to actually search it and see but I’m scared to :’) my last brain cell is on Wuji I can’t deal with a wall of Chinese text right now :”)

so just going by the pinyin and what the translation engines tell me individual parts mean, the first part is something about a petition left open, which I can see as meaning unrequited (or more gently, “the story is not over” lol), but not sure what business Google has coming out of left field with a flat-out UNREQUITED LOVE for 8V bls my heart can only take so much

the last part of that line, NO clue at all, must be some kind of poetic thing... so I just gotta go with their translation and no other layers of understanding

Edit: ChenQing, interestingly, is the name of Wei Wuxian’s flute, and is also in the Chinese title of the series. so I think that first line is open to interpretation, it’s one of the lines I’d love to discuss with someone who knows Chinese and hear what they think.

the second part is mostly poetic imagery. it’s saying like low-laying silvergrass in the moonlight looks like frost (silvergrass being a common grass in parts of Asia. It’s that one with the fluffy fronds). When I googled the Chinese, it returned this specific species: Miscanthus sacchariflorus 

wOw the part about preparing a pot (metaphoric) of all of life & death’s ups and downs to memorialize/offer a sacrifice for a young man? hits me right in the heart and the feels and im going to sob over Wei Ying again

the other line that absolutely makes me lose my mind - and like the one above, it’s one that Wei Ying has a direct counterpart in part two - is Lan Zhan’s line here. Tackling the second part before I lose my mind over the first part, I sort of have an impression that second part is kind of a “go with the flow” (of life?) sort of deal, since to my understanding, it means something like... [traverse through time/through time/over history?][wind and waves]

okay but the part that makes me lose my mind is the “xiaoxiaosasa” part, which is a counterpart to the line sung by Wei later, “tantandangdang.” xiaoxiaosasa means like... in a natural/unrestrained/carefree manner. And at first I was like..Lan Zhan?? xiaosa?? but actually I kind of see it as like.... not a serious suggestion, but an impossible wish? Like this other post I think I where someone talked about them watching Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen wandering off, free of duties and clans, to hunt monsters etc. and I think that’s something that might be an impossible wish in Lan Zhan’s heart of hearts that he wouldn’t ever materialize because his sense of duty is so important to him. But maybe in a world where the two of them - or Lan Wangji especially - isn’t/aren’t bound by clans and sects and sundry, maybe they’re able to take a more carefree approach to life.

and then sharing the melodious song together at the ends of the earth is another one that has all of my ;A; ‘s

aaand here we are on the repeat, where Lan Zhan sings a line first, and Wei Ying has some sweet sweet counterpart lines that extra hit me straight in the heart:

okay so first off, first line. Unless that’s some Classical Chinese idiom, or honestly just flat-out idiom, I’m not sure where “I became lost after facing a dead end” comes from. Anyway.

HERE IT IS. HERE IT IS. okay so remember. the first verse, Wei Ying’s line is about a lonely and melancholy flute, and then Lan Zhan’s line is kind of tinged with a sort of world-weary bitterness but also resignation. But here!! Wei Ying’s line! is like sO magnanimous and accepting. Whatever the turmoils and rights and wrongs of the past, he’s already let it go. Granted I’m seeing this from a “the world wronged him” perspective so I’m like “D8 my generous-hearted boy... oH No my feelings...” Lan Zhan may move on but I think he can’t quite forgive the world for how it treated Wei Ying, but Wei Ying, like he said in the show, is ready to forgive and forget, it’s all in the past, and also I get the vibe of “yeah I’m used to it.” anyway gOD the contrast, and also I’m sad

[the rest of the intervening lines are the same, until]

okay the line is mostly the same, but one translation also gave me “fickle” instead of unpredictable or impermanent, and I feel that mood. It’s saying like “laughing over how fickle worldly matters can be”

aaand then here it is. Wei Ying’s counterpart to Lan Zhan’s carefree/unrestrained. why not go through life with a magnanimous heart. Which! is so in character for Wei Ying and honestly exactly what I think he does, like it HURTS him when ppl make shit So Personal about him which might have mitigating factors, or like... aren’t even his fault. But to some extent, he’s willing to bear it, for the sake of the world. Some of I think is out of misplaced sense of guilt trained into him (like when Madame Yu blamed him for bringing calamity to the Jiang Clan and he just accepts that :’) ) but I do think he’s also got a martyr’s heart.

Anyway, all of this taken together, and with the beautiful melody and the two singers switching lines and also dueting together, a b s o l u t e ly makes me go, as the kids say, feral

thanks for coming to my TED Talk

[guess-ill-die-again]

top ten kagepro songs?? 0:

*rubs hands* u now i read your whole wall of text about this? well now its my turn c:

warning half of this post is just about Shinigami Record bc i’m looking WAAY too deep into it but honestly i love doing that gbdhsg that part has over 500 words and im not sorry

Disclaimer: The first few don’t have numbers bc I just CANNOT choose a favorite ok ngsdhjgs

Shinigami Record - I’m gonna start with this one because i was already planning on making a post about how underappreciated this song is… half of this post is probably gonna be about this song alone so i might as well put it as nuumbr one tbh

Musically it’s really simple and just so amazingly gentle. I feel like the slow piano and the way its played in the verses helps to convey Azami’s feelings really well. It starts as just a bunch of lonely piano notes, but then as Azami finds someone who loves her, feelings grow and change, so does the guitar replace the piano for the second verse. Then the harmonies for the part when Azami creates the Kagerou Daze make it feel not only more mystical but also give it more emotion. She creates it filled with love for her family after all, this part needed to have a lot of emotion in it! But then it quiets down and the lonely piano returns.. the guitar and piano interlace each other(i cant find a good english word for it im sorry) while Azami’s voice is growing more unsure and then ‘gasps’ with the realization, in a way. The harmonies return and we hear both the lonely piano and the love-filled guitar. Azami is really conflicted and u can HEAR that!! Then it bursts with the pitch change and you can just hear how heartbroken she is! the highest note really reminds me of when people are trying to sing but they’re crying so their technique is egh but it has so much emotion?? idk maybe its just IAs voice… and then after she sings “I still love you” theres a drop that sounds like slamming doors and the guitar is GONE. It ends on the same lonely piano we started with(different pitch blahblah i know ok) but there’s also the added noise that you can either hear traffic in, OR the sea/ocean waves. I KNOW im reading way too much into this but traffic could allude to our time, where the main story is set and the fact that what Azami did has consequences reaching much further than she could have ever imagined but also that despitwat happened, most people don’t even know about her story and everythings… well, normal. The sea waves would be just like the world she’s come to love and she’s leaving it all behind i guess lolThe way this song tells Azami’s story is uh, very simplified, but i think it works well. It gives you enough information to feel sorry for her even if it doesn’t really explain much. We only see Azami’s perspective so i’m not surprised or disappointed that reasons behind Tsukihiko’s disappearance arent really stated. Also i’m kind of glad it doesn’t delve deeper into the story, because i personally really didn’t like these chapters of the manga at all lol bc i didnt agree with the characterization and it didnt show Azami’s loneliness as much and kind of ruined the magic. I like Azami’s story when its still told as a kind of fairytale…This is also probably THE best Kagepro song in terms of tuning, too. idk what happened but i feel like here it’s much more soft than the other songs which makes it all the more enjoyable.

one day i’ll write a full essay on this…

I’m not gonna go that deep into any of the other ones dont worry

Remind Blue - Easily the best song on the Mekakucity Reload album. While i adore Additional Memory as well, my heart belongs to Remind Blue. Because the range isn’t that big, Miku’s voice and Jin’s tuning of don’t get overbearing. Im also a sucker for lyrics connecting to past events or symbols so the whole time reading the translation i was just lying in bed like kermit surrounded by heart emojis. I may or may not make a cover of this one…

Lost Time Memory - I feel like all that could be said about this song has already been said so I’ll just say i love it. I was introduced to it through Juby’s english cover(Classical Rock Arr. version!! thats important, i love this arrangement probably more than the original but the dude who made it just doesnt have a nice voice for this song… Juby’s not perfect but this cover’s good enough) an really this is the song that made me want to learn about Kagepro so there’s a lot of pure nostalgia connected to this one.

4. Ayano’s Theory of Happiness - whenever i tell someone new about kagepro i always say this is the song that makes me cry and laugh the hardest. I laugh a lot because of the tv anime version bc lmao every time i see it i LOSE IT gndnsdgs The reason i cry is quite obvious i think, but i still feel the need to specify it’s because of the lyric “so I hope you can love tomorrow”. It’s just such a simple thing but it makes me tear up 99% of the time. And like the thing is, the last couple of lines aren’t directed at any particular character either so its like she’s singing to us. She hopes we can love tomorrow as well… and just for you Ayano, I will try.

Also MARiA’s cover is the best one i barely listen to the original now lmao

5. Summertime Record - did i mention im a sucker for lyrics where the character is looking back at what happened? bc yeah i am. This song is really dear to my heart for some reason so much so that when at a camp with the choir ive been in for like 6years we were supposed to make a little song about it for the last campfire, i managed to get my friends to write the lyrics to this song with me and i think that in itself is very fitting to this song. and just.. yeah the whole thing just feels very welcoming and I love Haruka so

6. Children Record - BOYS👏 AND👏 GIRLS👏 yeah this song staight up slaps and i love it (altho i mostly listen to the version with MARiA bc the tuningin this one :’) its realy good go listen) and uh yeah its just a really good opening to the series! idk what to say exactly so uh really lets not drag this out

7. Additional Memory - so when this song came out i had to lay down for like a week bc just… woah yeah ok!! all the motifs and melodies from other songs just hit me so HARD and THE PV OH MY GOOOD i was SCREAMING! and youre absolutely right about the lyrics!! “if this were all a misunderstanding, i don’t want to hear it” just HITS and HURTS and GOD YEAH

8. Kagerou Days - ahh classic above classics…. the one where you’ve set your expectations for Hibiya to just be a good childhood friend only to have it be crushed by other media… its just a great base for angsty AUs for anytwo cahracters that care about each other really and i love it! also like when i first listenedi was like what and when i realized whats happening i was just…  poetic cinema guy but with hearts i really love angst huh

9. Headphone Actor - I don’t know what to say apart from I love Takane, I love the whole Harutaka story, I love the metaphor and the music and I have a little lesbian moment every time i listen to LiSA’s version of the song(THE WAY SHE SHINGS “Dokoka e to mukatteru”??? IM TOO GAY FOR THIS SHIT I CANT) and its 3:30am so i cant think anymore okbut god i love LiSA’s voice

10. Never Lost Word - ah the kinnie really jumps out here lmao this is the song i listened o and was just !! it me!! which… NOT a good thing if not for the last verse lol but yeah i just identify with kido a lot so like…i just really felt this song back when i first listened to it and even now i still do… just… yeah. and i just really like it in every way i guess lol

ALSO Shoutout to Gunjo Rain and Dead and Seek for beeing other tragically underappreciated Kagepro songs bc they dont have PVs

[apathetic-revenant]

the LOTR films often get flack for portraying the Eye of Sauron as a literal eye rather than a metaphor for where Sauron’s attention is focused as in the books, often with the assumption that this was because the filmmakers misread the books

while I don’t know the exact thought process that went into that decision--though it was an eight year long, $280+ million undertaking that required inventing new technologies and involving most of the country of New Zealand and the participation of numerous Tolkien nerds, scholars and artists, so it seems a touch unlikely that they just skimmed the cliff notes and called it a day--it may be worth pointing out that there is a pretty good reason for the literal eye used in the films, which is that the metaphorical eye wouldn’t work.

in a book you can describe the experience of being observed by a powerful and hateful intelligence and make it very ominous and intimidating and it works just fine. you can simply say that Sauron is paying attention to one thing or another when you’ve got an omniscient narrator, you don’t need to demonstrate it actually happening. but how, exactly, do you convey that in a movie? have Elijah Wood talk to the camera about how he can feel Sauron observing him? 

any visual media is going to struggle to portray some things that text can do. in text you can talk about an eldritch abomination that rends the minds of those who come in contact with it, but we don’t have mind-rending CGI capability. no image could live up to descriptions of that sort. but portraying the Eye of Sauron in that manner allowed the filmmakers to instantly indicate Sauron’s presence as a terrible, inhuman gaze, as well as to immediately show his attention moving as it does when he’s distracted by the battle at the Black Gate, without having to stop and have someone exposit about it. 

I’m not saying you have to agree with or like the way they chose to portray Sauron but it wasn’t just “lol Peter Jackson doesn’t know what a metaphor is” 

[justselfloathingthings-blog]

Smile Precure Episode 43- Reika v. Joker Analysis

So, I mentioned  the other day that Smile Precure episode 43 has my second favorite fight scene and I want to dig into that a bit. But first, let’s talk a bit about fight scene construction. There’s this thing about fight scenes. They can be used to convey several things. They can be used as pure spectacle- with the budget of a Pretty Cure, not something that you’re going to see that much. The second is to use the fight to emphasize the story. This is what you typically see in a Pretty Cure episode, especially the really good ones. The fight in itself, or in its surrounding circumstances, really hit the point that the rest of the episode was trying to discuss or elucidate. 

Then there’s that other kind. The kind of fight scene that functionally exists to deliver a point, and manages to tell a story in itself. When the momentum, choreography, and happenings of the scene really flow together to actually say something both in regards to the fight itself, and regarding the story and these characters. 

Typically in Pretty Cure seasons you see this at the end (Heartcatch probably hitting on it the best, Splash Star second.), which makes sense because it’s the culmination of the series, and where you can burn your budget. Smile essentially said “fuck that” and gave us Episode 43, and I think that you can actually both pick up a good bit about visual storytelling and where Smile most strongly succeeds as a Pretty Cure season by looking at it. So let’s do that. Reference video coming.

(Youtube doesn’t have any subbed clips sadly, but I’m going to be walking through the scene anyway so this is more for reference)

The first point to make about this fight is how superb that intro is. Like, god. You want to talk dynamic entries. We don’t see her transformation sequence because who needs that nonsense lol. Instead we see the background freeze in real time. And torrents of ice surrounding Reika that burst away for her introduction with a field of light surround her, complete with character song. That is certainly an introduction. 

Another point to make is how ridiculously fluid the animation is. It’s crisp and clean and clear; there are no rapid cuts, there are no stops. You could honestly probably split this into something similar to a three act structure because there are just so many sustained shots. One shot flows into the next so organically that it genuinely plays like a high-budget magical girl anime in my opinion; that constant back and forth between Joker and Beauty? It doesn’t devolve into DBZ-style attacks. You see it all, more or less, with crystal clarity. The fight scene feels less like a “fight scene”, but more like a scene, if you follow me. And it’s so beautifully shot too, like that aura of light around Beauty is so crisp and powerful and really gives the scene that much more narrative weight (I’ll get to that). But there’s actual moving parts too! Like those little background elements that Pretty Cure rarely plays with? Otsuka Takashi was like “nah let’s do something with that.” Reika being able to swing off those things and keep moving around helps the scene continue to have constant sustained momentum.

And that shot with Reika’s shield! It’d be so easy to just kinda skip over that, not have it at all, or do it cheaply. They do none of those things. That bit of the attack parting before Reika breaks through the attack and it beautifully shattering was so great like omg. 

And I honestly love the way she even used her opponent’s armory against him; the way that she continually bounced off Joker’s shield and used it as a launching pad was both really cool and really provided a definitive display of who has the advantage in this fight. 

Because, like, after the first time Joker breaks Reika’s sword, she grabs control of the fight and never lets go. You can see this through the obvious stuff, how deftly she dodges pretty much all of Joker’s attacks from hereon, how she has an answer for absolutely everything Joker throws at her, the way that between the climactic clash between the two, it is HER that breaks into Joker’s personal space and leads to the finishing blow to their little swordfight .

But it’s also the little things. If you look, after that first shot Joker’s attacks become far more wild and aggressive whereas Beauty never loses her cool, her attacks and blocks being consistently calm and precise. She continually dominates the momentum of the fight and Joker is continually reactive instead of proactive, basically desperately trying to stay on par with an opponent that is simply operating on a level that is out of his league. She is so in-tune with the battlefield that she uses Joker’s own set pieces against him to constantly get leverage and momentum, include Joker’s own shield. 

Joker’s attacks are largely rather repetitive whereas Reika is pulling everything out of her skillset. Not out of desperation, but because it is the best move for the occasion. She just is pulling out everything she has because she knows that in this instance she simply has Joker outclassed. And even when Joker pulls out his last-ditch attempt to outsmart Beauty, she doesn’t lose her composure and her passions lead her to victory. 

When you back up a moment and think about the episode, the whole thing is pretty clearly a metaphor for Reika’s victory over her dilemma, but it manages to actually perfectly communicate that in the battle alone. The fight itself tells a really clear story and it’s a powerful one. 

But. Let’s dig a little deeper. I want to first talk about Reika’s character, and then the episode in general, and then the actual text of the fight specifically. It paints a great picture.

Reika is a character that has always been defined by others. The reason she initially turns out being a Cure is because of her various other obligations. This makes it clear that her duties are something that deeply defines her. She also puts a good deal of emphasis on not “burdening” people. All this seems pretty admirable on the surface, honestly. But when you dig a bit deeper, you learn that this isn’t something she is doing entirely because she wants to do it. This is something that she feels is expected of her due to things like the students asking her. She doesn’t want to burden other people with problems, so she takes them all on herself. In 16 she talks about “finding her own path” (this becomes important) and initially just abandons all her responsibilities. This isn’t a reasonable approach, but it is an appropriate one for somebody confused and scared. 

She realizes that she can use things like studying to “find her own path” in the same episode, but it’s worth noting that this isn’t an answer to the question. It’s just another step in the journey. The whole journey is a bit of an undercurrent for Reika’s character for most of the story.

Then we come to 43. 

The plot is about Reika having to choose between, in essence, her duties and life and her friends and being Pretty Cure. Her friends reassure her, as they are wont to do, but Reika remains torn, not sure exactly what path it is she should take in her life; the crisis that popped up near the start of the series re-emerges full force. Joker then sneak-attacks, capturing the others, and Reika finds herself unable to maintain being Cure Beauty, Joker saying that it’s because she no longer as the resolve to be her anymore. But when the other girls admit that they simply can’t imagine losing her, Reika agrees, and with that resolve is able to transform, stronger than ever.

The thing here is that it’s a realization on Reika’s part, that through putting through all this effort to not make her own choices and simply do what other people want her to do, she essentially puts herself in a no-win situation, because at heart people want her to do what is best for her, and not continually act as though everyone else has complete control of her life all the time. 

It’s worth noting that Joker is completely off-guard by the transformation, and it’s really clear that he gets that he’s on the wrong end of the foot now. Probably suspecting that this isn’t a fight he can win on his own terms, Joker does what Joker does and tries to play Beauty’s psychology against her. And it’s worth noting that it... doesn’t really work at all. For a moment Beauty is caught off-guard, but after the first strike, she completely regains her composure and has it for the rest of the fight. One important thing to note about Joker’s arguments is that they aren’t about what REIKA wants or what REIKA needs, but “answering other people’s expectations” and conforming to people’s perceptions of her. Because that’s what Reika has always cared about, by and large. And Reika, if strongly, just... dismisses these arguments that clearly carry no weight for her anymore.

The climax of the exchange comes from Joker saying that Reika is “staying from the path”. This is probably what would have hit Reika strongest in the past, because finding a Path and going through with is something that she has been searching for this entire time, and to an extent it may very well have been something she could have felt that she found. But Reika merely responds that she has found a path, and it doesn’t have to be what other people define it to be- it’s her path and it’s her choice. This is really the peak of Reika’s character in the series, and it’s such a great moment, to the point that they change their style and cut to Japanese characters to emphasize her dialogue, and then Reika essentially ends the fight, victorious. 

So Joker kind of pulls out his Trump card. His weapon from the beginning was a Mirror monster. It’s worth noting this is a callback to the monster that Reika defeated at the beginning of the series and became a Cure, but it wasn’t Reika’s strength or power, internal or external that allowed her to beat it, but her intellect. So Joker ups the ante, and creates a seemingly infinite amount of mirrors that clearly can’t be beaten the same way. Reika isn’t even phased, preparing her attack and declaring that it’s okay to be selfish, and that she will use that help to her find her own path. It’s that declaration that causes the landscape to turn against Joker, illuminating his true location. Reika thus uses her new attack- it’s worth noting that in 5 it was a simple purifying attack; here it actively shatters Joker’s shield and thus breaks the battlefield. 

And it’s worth noting that her victory in 5 came from her intelligence, something that she felt that she was obligated to use for others because of her not knowing what to do with her life. Her victory in 43 comes from passion and knowing, finally, the start to her journey for a purpose. 

Smile Precure’s strength is not where the characters start (if anything I find the beginning a bit of a slog) but where the characters end. Which makes sense? It’s a story about endings in many ways, after all. But I think nothing exemplifies that best than this fight scene, which is beautiful in so many ways. I may like Fresh 23′s better, but this one stands out in its own right and I think deserves respect.