#it'll be a nice change from her asking me for guidance and me being like WELL. [hour long lecture] [pgs of notes torn out from grimoire]

[cafeconbrujeria]

I have FINALLY figured out the phrasing and framework for my system to witchcraft, which is very exciting to me personally even though it's not for me, because it's meant to be a flexible paradigm to help beginner witches (or whatever) organize their thoughts and practice.

but by "beginner" I think I mean what most of the occult world currently calls "intermediate," because my essential kit of three tools (and only three tools!) assumes that you already know, ya know, how to do magic. you've already done magic. you just wanna do more better magic. in, perhaps, a more organized, deliberate way.

then again, I think consistent use of tools 1 and 2 would help you do enough magic to get to tool 3 even from a starter place of zero, so maybe I should type all this up and post it. or maybe I should just inflict this on my apprentice.

[sunnyie-eve]

12 | It's not her

Series: Indispensable | Teen Wolf

Paring:  (Stiles Stilinski x OFC Martin)

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: Might be a few mistakes

| MASTERLIST |

~~~

"Julia." Lydia calls me as I walk into the house. 

"Yes?" I walk into her room to see she's been crying. 

"Can we talk?" She asks so I take a seat on her bed. 

"Sure." I tell her. 

"What's going on with me? I feel like I'm going crazy? I keep seeing things" She breaks down. 

"Start from the beginning, Lydia." I pat her knee. 

"You know I wondered around naked in the woods... I keep seeing Peter Hale at school then ice rink under the ice. Then I punch a mirror without knowing. Mom and Dad are making me see the guidance counselor now." She cries to me. 

"Wait, you're getting visions of Peter?" I ask her confused. 

"I don't know why. But it feels like he's actually in front of me." She tells me but I didn't know what to say.

I had no idea if she was just really traumatized or her Banshee was going now and he somehow was getting to her. "It'll stop after sometime. You went through a lot." I just tell her. 

"You know, how you seem crazy at times... have you ever experienced seeing things?" She asks me. 

"Never but I've experienced different crazy things." I sigh. 

"Thank you for listening to me. I'm sorry I've always made fun of you for acting like this." She gives me a hug. 

"It's okay and of course. You're still my sister Lydia. I miss our talks." I hug her back. 

"Me too." She squeezes me. 

"Get some rest or you'll look a mess tomorrow morning." I kiss her forehead getting up. 

"Love you Julia." She smiles. 

"Love you too."

This morning Lydia gave me a ride to school and was gossiping to me but I wasn't listening because I didn't care. "You have no idea what I'm saying do you?" She turns to me. 

"Nope." I give her a smile. 

"There's my sister." She giggles walking ahead of me. 

"You look nice today." I hear Isaac's voice. 

"You're back? I thought you were still-," 

He cuts me off, "Jackson's story sorta changed after some talking..." He lets out a cocky chuckle. 

"Well, I mean that's sorta good... for you of course. I mean, you didn't kill your father and no longer have to be looked at." I say eyeing him.

"Like what you see?" He smirks stepping slightly closer to me. 

"New look. The bite gave you some confidence I see." I look up at him. 

"Yeah, I don't feel as weak anymore. It's nice." 

I just nod my head, "Well, Mr. cool guy, we still have class to get to. Or are you too bad ass for that now?" I cross my arms. 

"I like the attitude. It's new." He steps closer making me step back. 

"No, it's not. You just don't know me personally." I turn to walk to class and he follows closely. 

"You've never used that attitude here at school before. You've always been quite and awkward. Why suddenly show your true self." He bends down some. 

"I've noticed being friends with Scott and Stiles, I'm more open now." I look at him. 

"I like seeing who Julia Martin really is." He nudges me.

"How's the other Martin sister? Still a snake? Or is she acting slightly different?" He makes me stop walking. 

"Why exactly are you talking to me? And why suddenly start asking me questions about Lydia?" I tilt my head confused. 

"Just curious like Derek." He walk into the classroom. 

"Like Derek?" I say to myself then go in taking my seat behind him leaning forward. "Why is Derek curious about my sister?" I ask him. 

"She was bit by an alpha and didn't turn into a werewolf. Aren't you curious too?" He turns to face me leaning on my desk as well making me lean back some.

"No because in the past I was bit by an alpha too when I was 10. I didn't turn into a werewolf." I let him know.

"Why's that?" He narrows his eyes at me. "What are you then?" The corner of his mouth goes up.

"None of your business but my sister isn't a Kanima. I know that's 100% true because I'm not one, Isaac. And let me add... If you're thinking about testing the venom on her... it's not gonna work if she's what I am. It didn't work on me. Maybe Derek forgot that part from the pool." I narrow my eyes at him.

"Julia Martin, people don't know what they're missing." He eyes me before giving me a wink and turning around.

Scott comes in seeing Isaac and stares at him. When Stiles comes in rushing to the the news, Scott tells him we already know.

After class Stiles tells us why he could find online about what a Kanima is. "That thing was not a jaguar." Scott tells him. 

"Yeah, and I'm not exactly a murderer." Stiles tells him as we walk. 

"Yeah, but you did see it kill somebody, which is probably why it tries to kill you. And it's still trying to kill you, and it probably won't stop until you're dead." Scott makes Stiles stop walking for a second. 

"You know, something I really begin to question this friendship." Stiles start to walk again making me laugh. "Shut it." Stiles smacks my arm as we head to class. 

In class when the bell rang, Jackson takes his seat that happened to be beside me. "Hey, testicle left and right, and dick." He calls the boys and me making us look up from our books, "What the hell is a Kanima?" He says making us look back at him.

"All right, listen up. Quick warning before we begin our review. Some of you, like. McCall, might wanna start their own study groups, because tomorrow's midterm is so profoundly difficult, I'm not even too sure I could pass it. Okay, I need a volunteer to answer the first question." Coach tells us. 

I listen to the guys talk and Jackson talks about being paralyzed from the neck down because of Derek. "Do they think it's Lydia?" Stiles asks and I cut Jackson off.

 "Yes. That's what Isaac told me." I lean over to them. 

"I head her name and something about chemistry." Jackson tells them. 

"Jackson! Do you have something you wanna share with the rest of the class?" Coach asks him. "Um, just undying admiration for my...my coach." Jackson lies. 

"That's really kind of you. Now shut up! Shut it! Anybody else?" He walks away and Scott grabs Stiles talking about are they sure it's not Lydia. 

"It's not her!" I whisper yell at them hitting my desk.

"Julia." Coach looks over at me. 

"Sorry." I look away and notice Lydia writing somebody help me over and over in the board with tears. I get up from my seat and walk over to her ignoring coach asking me what I was doing. "Lydia." I carefully touch her and she snaps out of it panicking. 

She turns to look at the board, "It was him again." She whispers to me. 

"Just go back to your seat." I take the chalk from her and put it on the board then go back to my seat. 

For our next class which was chemistry, we had to do rotation experiments and we wanted to stay with Lydia to keep her stare from Erica and Isaac. Turns out the venom didn't work on her either so after class the guys, Allison and me meet up to talk. "Derek's outside waiting for Lydia." Scott tells us. 

"Waiting to kill her?" Allison asks. 

"If he thinks she's the Kanima, then yes, especially after what happened at the pool." Scott says.

"It's not her." Stiles tells him. 

"Stiles, she didn't pass the test, man. Nothing happened." Scott says so Stiles huffs glancing over at me. 

"The Kanima scratch me at the pool and nothing happened to me." I speak up confusing Scott. 

"I was confused too just like she was." Stiles adds. 

"It doesn't matter if it's her or not because Derek thinks it's her. So either we can convince him that he's wrong, or we've gotta figure out a way to protect her." Allison says so I exit the room going outside to find Derek. 

"What makes you think it's Lydia? Because the venom didn't work? Well, it didn't for me. I'm not letting you or your stupid pack kill my sister. She's not some homicidal snake. She's most likely like me but she's getting visions of Peter that are terrifying her." I explain to him but see he doesn't care. "If you hurt her..." I scoff walking off.

"Where did you go?" Stiles sees me as I walk down the hall. 

"Went out to Derek." I keep walking but he grabs my arm pulling me back. 

"You went out there alone?!" He look at me like I was crazy. 

"Yeah, so?" I tell him. 

"What if he hurt you?" His eyes scan my face. 

"He wouldn't." I sigh. 

"You don't know that. You don't know him. He could've had Boyd, Isaac, or Erica hurt you instead." He lists the three. 

"I was nice to Isaac and Erica before they were turned. I doubt they would hurt me." I add. 

"Julia, can you just think what if they did." He sighs.

"Then I would've gotten hurt but I'm not. You can stop worrying about me and worry about Lydia." I remove my arm from him. 

"You're doing it again." He follows me. 

"Doing what?" I ask not looking back at him. 

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." I stop to face him. 

"Well, this time I can because Lydia is the priority. Not me."

Later when school was over we lie to Lydia saying we were having a study group and she was super confused. We all get in Stiles Jeep going to Scott's house and she was still confused especially with Stiles locking up. "Uh, there's been a few break-ins around the neighborhood." He tell her then puts a chair under the door knob making her raise an eyebrow. "And a murder. Yeah, it was bad." He says in the awkward silence making me throw my head back as Jackson takes Lydia away to talk. 

"You couldn't have gone any smoother." I give him a thumbs up. 

"Shut up, please." He gives me a sarcastic smile. 

"Maybe. I'll think about it." I send him a wink. 

"Can you elaborate on why the venom doesn't work on you as well?" Allison speaks up causing us to look at her then at each other. "Do you know something we don't Stiles?" She asks him.

"No, like I said, she was just as confused as well." Stiles lies to her. 

"I don't know how to explain why but it's true." I tell her going to look out the window. 

"How long are you gonna keep your secret from her and Scott?" Stiles stands next to me whispering. 

"I don't know. I just really want to know and understand what I am before... Like why? Why did a bite from an alpha waken this in me? I'd like to understand everything to help Lydia out if she's just like me. I know she's not the Kanima. She might be terrible at times but that much. If it's anyone it's Jackson. Derek bit him and nothing happened to him. What if the venom worked on him because he doesn't know what he is. Like Derek said when it saw it's reflection it didn't know." I sigh keeping my eyes focused on the outside.

"You're probably right but we're all too stupid to even think of that. Plus you always seem to be right... So I believe you." Stiles says so I look at him and slightly smile. 

"That's a first hearing that." I look back out and we the other. "We need Scott." I say so Allison calls him. 

As we wait we keep looking out at them and Allison wanted to call her dad. "Allison. You don't need your dad. You can do this by yourself." I say so she gets her bow. 

"I got an idea. Just shoot one of 'em." Stiles tells her. 

"Are you serious?" She tells him. 

"We told Scott we could protect ourselves, so let's do it. Or at least give it a shot, right? Look, they don't think we're gonna fight, so if one of them gets hit, I guarantee they'll take off. So just shoot one of 'em." He tells her so she asks which one so Stiles says Derek. 

"No, he'll definitely catch the arrow." I tell him. 

"Just shoot one of the other three them." He tells her and she corrects him saying two so we look.

"Where the hell is Isaac?" I ask and he comes up knocking Allison to the side then does the same to Stiles. I grab the chair whacking it in Isaac's back breaking it as Allison rushes to Lydia. 

"That didn't hurt." He turns to face me so Stiles gets a broken piece to hit him with so Isaac knocks him down again. 

"I know what will hurt." I jump onto his back grabbing a handful of his hair yanking hard as I can making him groan in pain. He walks around as I yank in different directions till he backs up into the wall hard hitting my back and my hard making me get off him as Scott shows up kicking his ass. 

"Thanks for helping me." Stiles helps me stand up. 

"No problem." I groan standing up straight as Scott throws the two out so we all head outside with him.

"I think I'm finally getting why you keep refusing me, Scott. You're not an Omega, you're already an Alpha of your own pack. But you know you can't beat me." Derek tells Scott. 

"I can hold you off until the cops get here." Scott says because we all hear hissing above is so we move to see the Kanima. 

"Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" Lydia marches out of the house. 

"It's Jackson." Scott looks off where he went. 

Stiles puts his hand up for a high five told me so I give him one, "Told you you were probably right and I trusted you." He tells me. 

"What?" Scott looks at us. 

"She said a if it's anyone it's Jackson. Derek bit him and nothing happened to him. What if the venom worked on him because he doesn't know what he is. Like Derek said when it saw it's reflection it didn't know." Stiles tells him. 

"Allison, take the sisters home. We got Jackson." Scott tells her so we leave.

We we get to our house I get out wanting to get in the house. "Does my own sister what to tell me what's going on?" Lydia comes into my room. "Derek? Jackson? Erica?" She crosses her arms. 

"I truthfully don't think you're exactly ready to know the truth. You're going through something right now and those three aren't going to be any help. It's very complicated but I will explain everything to you soon." I sigh.

[headinthestaticsky]

Frozen Within the Night Wind: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 5

None of the characters in Twilight belong to me, all rights go to Stephenie Meyer!

"Home is where I want to be Pick me up and turn me round I feel numb, born with a weak heart So I guess I must be having fun"

This Must Be the Place by, Kishi Bashi

I stormed off, too mad to talk to anyone, I wanted to get to her... to get her to feel the frustration I had felt. But it seems something would get in my way. I shouldn't be doing this right now... I should be sitting with Rosalie and Alice talking about wedding plans. I should at home with my father, sitting outside in the backyard and talking with him. I wanted to spend eternity with Jasper but, I didn't want to turn so soon... It felt like someone had come by and punched a hole straight through my chest or swept the rug out from under me when I least expected it. It felt like I had no control of my body whatsoever. I heard the footsteps of someone else approaching me slowly, I whipped my head around to see Rosalie staring at me.

"Hey, honey."

"Hey..."

"We'll get her soon Fleur..."

"It's not just that, I'm just frustrated, about a lot of things."

Well, I'm here to listen."

"It's all just too much right now... I mean from 4 days ago to today everything just... changed so quick... I went from driving home to my dad to chasing after a psychotic, revengeful, woman. I mean...I planned on going to a creative arts school after I got married..."

"I felt the same way when I first turned...I remember the things I wanted, how comfortable I was in my life. And then I was left in the street for dead and turned into something I didn't have a choice in doing."

"I just...feel like I don't know who I am anymore...I can't even cry if I wanted to."

"You'll get control of yourself eventually...You just need a little guidance."

"I gotta stop moping... it won't help me at all."

"C'mon let's get back to the house before Jasper uproots every tree trying to find you." Rosalie joked and held out her hand for me to help me up.

Timeskip: 1 week later

The 2 weeks of my "vacation" were up, and Bella had just come home from spending time with Renee in Jacksonville. It turns out, Bella had gotten pissed with Edward over him not telling her Victoria was looking for her. So she took off with Jacob back down to the reservation. I also found out through Emmett that some tension was going on between Jacob and Edward... over Bella. Jasper and I were playing a game of chess... I rubbed my eyes quite frequently as I had just started to wear contact lenses. Emmett meanwhile was watching a football game. Edward had run into the house with a concerned look on his face.

"What-" I started

"There was an intruder... in Bella's house." Jasper and I shot up, already making our way down to Jasper'ss car. We both got inside when Jasper looked at me with concern and grabbed my hand.

"Are you sure you can do this? It's might be hard being around your father in this state."

"I'll be fine... besides, I can distract dad while you guys search the house," I said.

"I don't mean to constantly remind you of how unpredictable you can be I'm just... worried."

"I take no offense to it, my love"

The drive to the house was quick, being a vampire whose tracking abilities were getting better meant that I found the fastest routes to each location I was going to. As soon as I pulled up in the driveway my dad ran out, a huge smile was plastered on his face.

"Fleur! I missed you so much!" He said, running up to me.

"I missed you too dad, Canyon City Oregon is great!"

"Jasper told me you were thinking about going to an art school around the area."

"Oh yeah I was but, I think I'm going to say here for a little while longer."

"You don't have to stay here because of me you know."

"Dad, I would miss you too much to leave now." He smiled and then pulled me in for a hug. I breathed in slightly...his blood didn't seem to... alluring to me.

"Thank god." I thought to myself... I might be able to stay here a bit longer. I turned slightly to Jasper, he was smiling at us but I could tell he was shocked with how well I was doing.

"Do you two want something to eat?" He asked.

"No, we ate something before we came down here," Jasper stated.

"We'll come on in you two."

After we sat and caught up on everything that happened on my "vacation" Jasper had made an excuse to use the bathroom to investigate where the intruder might've gone.

"So... how's wedding planning going?" Dad inquired.

"It's going good, Rose and Alice have been helping me out a lot... it's definitely going to happen in the woods."

"That'll be nice."

"Yeah...and I planned on moving out after the wedding."

"Yeah, I know... it's just going to be weird, not having you here all the time."

"It'll be weird for me too... heck being away for 2 weeks was strange for me... But don't worry dad, I'll always be around."

He looked over at me and smiled. Before he could say anything else, the front door swung open. Bella came stomping into the house but stopped when she saw us.

"What are you doing back here?" She inquired, her voice wasn't very welcoming.

"Nice to see you too, I just got back from Oregon Bella...I do live here still."

"Wish you would've stayed down there." She mumbled to herself.

Dad heard her and gave her a glare.

"Oh don't worry about it dad... I've gotten used to it."

Jasper walked back into the room and his face looked confused.

"Well, it was good to see you again Chief Swan but I better get back to my place. My family is eager to see me as well."

"Good to see you again Jasper, have a goodnight."

"Goodnight sir."

Jasper pecked my lips before leaving the house.

"I better get to bed dad, I'm tired. Goodnight."

"Love you, goodnight."

As soon as I made it up to my bedroom I locked the door and opened my window, I jumped out and ran back to the Cullen's house. I had to admit...being able to travel quickly and efficiently was a plus side to being a vampire. When I made it back to the Cullen's house they were all sitting with Bella in the lounge room. She must've gotten Edward to take her down here. Jasper and Emmett were missing, however.

"So...is it someone we know?" I asked.

"No, I couldn't recognize it." Edward replied.

"So it was a nomad passing through?" Esme inquired.

"I don't think so Esme... I don't think it would've kept my father alive." I added.

"She's right... it would've killed Fleur's father."

Jasper walked in with Emmett.

"The scent disappeared 5 miles South of Bella's house," Jasper said.

"Fleur, have you tracked Victoria at all?" Carlisle asked.

"Wait... that's your power?" Bella interrupted.

"One of them... and yes I have, she isn't anywhere near our house right now and she wasn't before either."

"Besides, I would've seen it." Alice added.

"It has to be the Volturi." Edward suggested.

"I've been watching Aro's decisions too... it isn't them."

"If it's not the Volturi then we need to keep searching, we'll take turns guarding Bella at her house."

Rosalie and Jasper looked at Carlisle with annoyance.

"Really...another protection detail?"

"Rosalie..."

"No, I really don't feel like protecting someone who has treated someone I am very close to like dirt."

"Rosalie's kinda right," Bella said.

"What? I won't leave you unprotected."

"There is no way you guys can search for the intruder...help train...her, while trying to protect me and my dad."

"And go after Victoria." I noted with an attitude.

"While trying to keep yourselves fed," Bella said while rolling her eyes at me.

"I'm not going to leave you here defenseless." Edward rebuttled.

"I won't be defenseless I'll have..."

"Have what?"

I smirked...looks like Jacobs going to have a hand to play in this afterall.

[impaladolan]

Capture - Grayson Dolan [4/-]

summary: after the catistrophic realization of inescapable confinement, y/n is taken back to her previous quarters and her abductor seems a little different..

warnings: swearing & mentions of smut (idk if i should TW this, there’s a subtle mention of “malnourishment”, just in case you’re sensitive to that topic)

a/n: y’all wanted it... on a real note, i appreciate everyone’s excitement and care for this series!!! i seriously love every single one of you <3

(masterlist) *including all capture parts

When you felt the warmth of his hand radiate around the coolness of your ankle, your heart fled from its natural position, all the way down to where he resistantly gripped you. And with a sigh, you fall to him. Hopelessness filled you and you knew he'd keep you one way or another. If there was any chance of escaping, this would have been it.

Your body was swiftly caught by his massive arms, and he held you tightly. Not only in fear of you trying to break free of him, but in pity of your sake. "Y/N, you can't keep doing this. I can't let you go, it's too dangerous." His hard and complex composure was stiffened and your body began to shiver with the urge to cry, revolt, and frankly a want to bash his head in. "What's too dangerous?! You can't fucking keep me here forever. I want to go home, and see my family and friends again. Not this stupid fucking house and it's stupid fucking walls that I look at everyday!" You held back the sobs of pain, whilst you gritted your teeth and spat your endless reasons as to why you want to leave this dungeon of a home. He didn't show any signs of emotion, although his eyes glimmered with a tinge of remorse.

"Listen, and do it well Y/N. All your questions and disturbances will be dealt with at a later time. You may continue your petty little escape attempts, but that will only lengthen your stay here. The better you act and obey me, the more freedoms and control you will have within this household. Understand that if you continue your acts of disobedience, you'll earn consequences." His voice was stern and cold as he walked the both of you back into the stubbornly freezing house, where your heart sank lower into your stomach and a sudden arousal drifted through you. Being held flush against his bare frontside, and the strong scent of his lingering cologne made you want to fling every piece of clothing that disconnected your bodies from being skin-to-skin.

"Consequences, you say? What're you gonna do? Tie me up and make me suck your cock? Spank my ass like it even hurts?" You breathe against his ear, his grip tightening around your suspended body. "Edge me until I'm begging for your permission to cum? Fuck me like a man would? Though, you've barely done any of those things, have you?" He groaned deeply to your words, kicking open a door and slamming you against it with your feet dropping to the ground. He roughly grabbed your wrists and pinned them above your head, eyeing you with a sort of distressed anger you've never witnessed before.

Well, fuck.

"Are you questioning my ability to pleasure a women, Y/N?" You struggled under his firm grasp, a throbbing slickness beginning to pool at your core. Your body really had a mind of its own, it clouded your mind with images of him— doing exactly everything you had mentioned before, but better. Your chest rose and fell rapidly, your eyes blaring into his challengingly. "More so punish, don't you think?" The hairs upon the nape of your neck raised as he lowered his body closer to you, only a few inches of distance between.

In an instant, he lowered his hands to the valley of your hips and spun you around, roughly pushing you against the door as he reattached his hands with yours right above your head. "You're a bit mouthy today, hmm?" His deep voice presumed right against your ear as he collided with your backside, removing one of his hands from above you and slipping it under the hem of your dress. He slowly ran his hand slowly up your thigh, creating a trail of goosebumps along with it. “Well you’re a little fucking touchy today.” You silently grin at your own little comment, though that quickly fades away as he reaches his hand up, cupping his large hand around your breast. “You think I’m touchy, huh?” He fiddles his fingers around your nipple, pinching only soft enough to send a small shock throughout your body. “M’hm, sir.”

Your reply seemed to frustrate him further as he drew his hand from under your silky night gown, gripping your hips and pushing you to the bed with what sounded like a growl almost. You turned yourself around to face him, sitting up on your elbows as you mischievously grin. “Oops, my bad, I meant yes Daddy.” Just two words is all it took for him to come to his final breaking point. He initially froze, except for his hardening cock, and just gave you a cold stare. He brought his hand up and motioned to you. “Come here.” To his words, you slowly rose from your position on the bed and stood, taking only a few steps until you were close enough to decipher the natural color of his eyes.

Hazel.

“Remove this.” He said in almost disgust, pinching the fabric of the nightwear you were under. You simply bent down, running your hands down your sides until your fingers were met with the ends of the fabric. From there, you pulled it up and over your head without a second doubt, revealing your half-bare nakedness to his eyes.

Not like he hasn’t seen it before anyway...

His eyes lingered upon your breasts a little long as well as your physique, until he noticed the small indent of your ribcage against your torso. You hadn’t eaten very much of anything in days, so you did look a bit— malnourished. A sudden wave of guilt erupted inside of him, his brows dipping downward and his eyes drooping. “I want you to go and take a shower, Y/N. There will be some clothes on the bed for you.” He drew his eyes away from you and slipped his hand along your shoulder and below to the small of your back to guide you to the restroom. You covered yourself with your arms and knitted your brows together, unhappy with the switch of things.

But a shower does sound quite nice..

“Is there anything specific that you’d like for breakfast?” It was so weird how his change of tone went from frustrated and horny to soft and caring. “No, anything sounds good.” You shortly replied, setting yourself beside the tub. He only nodded, letting his hand drift away from you, removing the nice warmth.

-

Warm showers are underrated.

You didn’t take quite a long one, you only washed up and rinsed off, but the detachable shower head did look tempting...

After you had dried off and wrapped a towel around your head and a separate one around your body, there was a neatly folded pile of clothes laid on the bed as he had mentioned before. It wasn’t stringy lingerie or a skimpy night gown, a simple shirt and sweatpants— something you’ve honestly missed wearing.

It was rejuvenating to feel fabric against your legs, and a hell of a lot warmer than before. Maybe you’d be a bit more comfortable with the freezing temperatures.You pulled the loose shirt over your head just as a knock erupted from the bedroom door. “Come in?” You questionably answer, readjusting the towel above your head.

He didn’t have manners before..

“Do you like homemade pizza?” He questioned through the door, making a low grumble roar from your stomach and a smile widen your lips. “Yes, I do.” Now you were grinning ear-to-ear as he entered the room, a large plate that had three heaping slices of the most beautiful pizza you’ve ever laid eyes on. The tall glass of ice water in his other hand sent you over the edge too. “God, that looks delicious.” You basically drool as he hands it to you, an amused teeth-showing grin upon his lips as well. You take the plate and set yourself on the bed, practically inhaling all the water and attacking the first piece.

“Holler if you want some more when you’re done.” He somewhat chuckles as he goes to leave the room. “Did you fix your little problem?” You ask just before he grabs the knob, raising a brow and your lips forming into a funny smirk. “If you’re suggesting what I think you are, then no.” He simply answers, shutting the door as he leaves.

-

"My mom's gonna kill me Grayson!" I whisper-scream with wide eyes, slipping out of my window and onto the rooftop. "Don't be such a wimp, it'll be fun." The little boy motions as I fully escape out of the house, grabbing his hand for guidance.

to be continued...

[asmallbirdinmayy]

I'm not sure why I haven't posted anything here yet since this world craziness started... Normally I would have bombarded it with posts everyday and such.

This social distancing is my life style, so I've been doing pretty okay better than most unfortunatly. Thank you Tumblr, and hours of scrolling for preparing me for this moment in time!

I've been filling my days with video games, reading and trying to force myself out for runs. I've helped my mum clean the house. (She has a bad back and would end up killing myself if I didn't go over every once in a while to help out)

I've also recently shaved my head! Finally, I've wanted to do it for years to see what I'd look like and to get rid of the years of dying it and hairstyle frustrations. I like it, but some days I get self conscious and don't end up going for runs. But maybe I'm just using that as an excuse and I'm just hella laazy!

It's a learning curve for sure, I've been reading a lot of philosophy lately and listening to the philosophize this podcast for the past year now so I've been trying to work on myself, thinking more and trying to meditate and gain self confidence and just be able to help myself help others. If that makes sense? Anyway, cutting off all your hair really helps practice Stoicism. There's no instant regrowth, and my hair takes longer to grow out than normal people.

I do love myself, a hella a lot more than I used to. There's nothing I wouldn't change, and I think that mind set alone has been what gets me out the door more often for runs and wanting to take care of my body and mind!!

I've also been cooking more, to save on money and because I'm not a huge advocate for waste being delivered to my door. I have had breakdowns however, I did it twice, I've ordered breakfast for myself to help me get up earlier and to get better coffee. Because the Maxwell can is not working out for me, and it's so gross, its taking me forever to get through it! I'll still drink it though, because, caffeine! Hello.

Back to cooking more! I've been mostly making mashed potatoes and what nots, but I'll occasionally make a vegan grilled cheese or have vegan hot dogs! I've made some pasta, quinoa and lately before bed I'll get a chia bowl ready to set while I sleep. That's pretty healthy and delicious. I've made terrible pancakes, I accidently got the whole wheat flour rather than the other stuff, soo that wasn't a fun mistake. Alas, no waste, so I have to make it into things!

I also signed up for a sustainable cities online course, lots of reading, but it was on sale. If anything it'll help me plan imaginary cities better in my head and I'll be able to put it on resumes. So level up?

I've re arranged my living room so I can easily switch between laptop and PlayStation without having to get up for any reason! +40 laziness. Aha. Fun.

Cats bombard with with attention and cuddles All. The. Damn. Time. I thought cats were supposed to not care and be independent and stuffs. Not my cats, noo. I wake up pinned, cat by my head, in the curve of my back and on my feet! If I'm laying on my back xews will be on my chest. Like hello! Let me breathe. They follow me to the bathroom, and to the couch! My couch is tiny, and all three of them find a little spot and take up all the space. It's hard to take notes! Anyway. I love them, I love their cuddles I'll never take them for granted and I'll always be like okai in the lap you go! It's nice playing a videogame with your cats stretching their paw onto your paw!. #catmum

Works been telling me the new opening day is July 3rd.. July 3rd two more months of this madness. I'm okay with it though, I'll hopefully finish the online course and get out for more runs! I've signed up the the social distancing run thing, I'm hoping to do a 10k for it!

Our government is all over the place about everything, and its making people crazy! There's lies, uncertainty questions unanswered. There's conspiracies left and right and I don't know which ones to believe. I mean some seem drastic and obviously crazier than others. I'm just not politically educated enough for this. But what if they're true to? I dunno, I've been watching a lot of things and reading stuff of history and stuffs and theirs some people that end up being corrected and proven right when people thought they were insane ? And yea people are just crazy and have their crazy thoughts. I dunno. I just want to have a back seat, and I mean my first and foremost fight is with nature, so my bias towards anything will be on how it affects the future of how we live with nature. If that makes sense? I could go on and on about this part, but this part makes me the most unwary and depressed honestly. I've been crying for days about this and where I stand, I've always been one to stand with the people. But which people? My brain hurts. I'm a sheep guys. I'm a sheep. I'm just a very lost sheeple.

People that I know from South Africa sent me a message saying that they were starving and asked for help, I wasn't sure what to do. I sent them some money, but I don't have much to give. I hope it'll be enough to get them by for a couple of days! I haven't heard from her since? So I don't know?

Anyways.

I haven't heard from my possibly future school yet about the upcoming semester and what to do, am I still able to go? Are they going to be opened by end of August? Will I be allowed to travel to another province? I'll wait till the end of May to send an email and find out! I am not doing that course online, I have a hard enough time motivating myself to do this current baby course. And I really want to do well in this course if I get there! It was a whole thing guys.

Before all this started I had started therapy, volunteering for the theater and taekwando. I'm really sad that i haven't been able to take part in these new hobbies. I had the chance to volunteer for the opening of the wizard of oz production before all the other shows at the theater got cancelled. It was amazing. Maybe I'll be able to do something similar while I'm in Vancouver. I only had one beginning trial class for taekwando, I'm slightly sad because by the time it reopens I'll probably be heading to Vancouver and won't be able to attend.

Cancelling therapy was the hardest, I had just started after years and years of being afraid to go for many reasons. I only got two sessions in before having to stop due to being laid off. But it's okay, because I still have my writing as my therapy. I end up asking the questions to myself while writing. I've read a lot of psychology, well not a lot, but a good amount. But the extra help and guidance was nice. I learned new terminology that applied to myself and my childhood and a couple other things that I'm able to sit back and acknowledge during meditations.

It was like I was finally getting out more, trying to fix myself, trying to go meet new friends and say hello to the world. And then the world was like nah. Back to social distancing! Kay, thaanks.

The last three or so days I've felt a little pull back into myself and I couldn't motivate myself lately. I think a large part of it was due to an argument I had with my mother, and the political drama that's been going on lately.

Wanting to go on runs or outside to enjoy the chilly sunny day has been a struggle, when it hasn't been I'm a while. I was playing ESO with a couple friends when all of a sudden all I wanted to do was just lay on the couch, curl up with my eyes closed and just bleh. I listening to the ESO music for a while and remembered that I haven't wrote anything in a long while on Tumblr or anywhere. So here I am, returning to my old therapy just writing my garbage thoughts to replace them with happier more motivated ones. It's sort of working, we'll see how the day goes.

All in all, I'm okay, my family is okay. And only time will tell what craziness is next for this year!

If anyone read this far down, first of all thank you. You're probably someone that I love! Love you <3 and I hope you're also doing well, and staying safe!!!